Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Remus Lupin knows that getting his year nine form to do work on a friday last period is the equivalent to pulling out teeth. It’s impossible. No matter what he tries to engage their attention, within seconds they’ll all be distracted. 

He’s not sure how Snape does it. Somehow, his classes are always in pristine condition. They don’t talk, they eagerly listen, they complete every single bit of work or homework they’re given. He wonders sometimes if it’s because they’re so scared shitless of him, or if he maybe has them under some magical spell. 

This isn’t to say he’s not a good teacher. He is. He’s the head of the English department for God's sake. Any other day or any other class, his classroom is controlled and organised. His students respect him and he would like to think that they like him. They definitely like him more than Snape, they’ve told him that. Some of them have even said that he’s their favourite teacher, which flattered him far more than he’d like to admit. But it’s something about a Friday afternoon that he thinks might be cursed. 

Friday afternoons are for PSHE. Remus hates it because the whole point of the class is to educate the students on important matters, like equality, safe sex (this is the absolute worst to teach) and the legal system — yet the slot they’ve been given to do it happens to be the one when the students are so riled up after lunch and ready for the weekend. 

They’re given assigned powerpoint slides that they need to get through and then some interactive worksheets which they’re supposed to finish and take home. Remus wishes that the teachers were given more freedom because often the slides are so boring that he understands why the class hate it so much. He’d take a more interactive approach if it was up to him, class discussions, online games and quizzes — anything that is likely to get the class to actually want to learn. 

Today’s topic is bullying and cyberbullying and Remus quite literally wants to rip his hair out whilst he’s quickly reading through the slides to prepare. There's fifty slides and then a youtube video of grown adults playing students in a fake cyberbullying scenario (with very poor acting skills.) It's outdated and unrelatable. They need real stories, real articles, real people, real life effects. 

Remus knows that bullying is worse in the younger generation. He’s not old, only twenty eight, but he went to school when mobile phones and social media didn’t exist. If people were giving him a hard time, he could go home that evening and be free of it. Social media doesn’t allow that, it doesn’t give the person a break. That’s without even considering those people who hide behind fake accounts and text messages. He’s seen it happen with one of the year ten students recently, horrible messages from a fake profile — somebody who couldn’t even say it to their face. 

He feels quite helpless now, looking at these slides, knowing that they aren’t going to educate and open the eyes of his students. They’re likely going to laugh or turn their noses up at it because it will all seem like one big joke to them. You can tell that whoever made them has never had a bad thing said about them in their life.

“Fuck me” He says to himself, burying his face in his hands. 

He looks at the clock. He has ten minutes until class starts, giving him exactly five minutes to do some sort of damage control. They’re under strict instructions to present the slides given to them, but what the school board doesn't know won't hurt them. 

Within one google search he finds many more appropriate youtube videos and a few articles that he wants to show the class of incidents that have happened in other schools. He wonders if perhaps the person who made the slides purposely chose the shit ones, it would’ve been impossible to not find a better one. 

He spends the last few minutes proofreading and watching the content before the school bell rings. It might be his least favourite sound actually, because it is shortly followed by a large amount of noise and chaos as the students all scatter off to their classes. The sound of school shoes tapping on the floor echoes in the hallway outside and he can soon hear the sounds of familiar voices chatting animatedly. 

The door swings open and Amy Roberts waltzes in. Her usual gaggle of girls follow her in. They all complain about hating school, yet they’re always the first into the classroom and the last to leave. 

“Afternoon Sir! You won’t believe what happened on the school field.”

He raises an eyebrow, embarrassed to say that his interest piqued “Hopefully nothing involving any of you?”

“We’re not involved for once sir!” Matilda Mason steps in, taking her usual seat opposite her desk. “Just innocent bystanders.”

The rest of the class filters in, all sitting in their assigned seats — he has a seating plan, he’s not an idiot. 

“Mr Lupin, it was so funny.” Ben Moss pipes up, swinging his backpack off of his shoulder and onto the floor, somehow making such a spectacle about sitting down. 

“There was a fight right” Amy tells him “It was two year eleven boys I think, something about kissing the other's girlfriend, I couldn’t quite catch it all.” She hasn’t taken her seat, she just hovers by his desk “And guess who's on duty and has to intervene.”

He doesn’t need to guess, he knows. 

“Mr Snape!” She roars, the rest of the class laugh and he tries his best not to do the same. “One of the boys punched him square in the face on accident and Mr Hagrid had to come and take Mr Snape to medical.”

He refrains from gasping, but his face must show it all because the class begins to laugh even harder. 

“Is Mr Snape alright?” He manages. It’s more difficult that it seems, he wants nothing more than to laugh.

“I think so, he was fuming though.” Amy says and Remus can imagine that he most probably was. 

He stands up “Actually, this brings us onto today's topic quite well. If everybody could take their seats please. I need your attention for half an hour, after that you’re free to talk, okay?” 

The class listens and there's a few hums of agreement. Amy wanders off to her seat, taking the long route and walking rather slowly. He shoots her a look and she hurries up. 

He puts the slides up on the screen “Bullying, harassment and cyberbullying.”

The class went fine. Fine was probably the best way to describe it, they listened for the most part and even through the rather unserious bits they stayed focused, only making occasional jokes and comments. 

When the bell rings they all grab their bags and leave the classroom far faster than they ever do when there are fire drills and Remus hardly gets a chance to remind them all about their homework before they’ve all disappeared out of the door. 

The bell feels like the finish line. He closes his door and immediately slumps down in his desk chair, reaching a hand up to rub his aching temple. He needs this weekend like he needs water. He cannot wait to rest. 

A knock at his door interrupts his decompression. 

“Hiya Remus” Benji lets himself in, carefully closing the door behind himself. He’s got a big smile on his face, one of those smiles that makes Remus feel awful for wanting to tell him to piss off. “How’s your day been?”

“Good thanks Benji. Yours?”

Benji shrugs “That PSHE lesson was awful but despite that it’s been alright” He looks around, as if somebody else would be listening “Did you hear about Severus?”

Remus finally let himself laugh. It isn’t a big laugh, just a small chuckle. “My students told me. Sounds rather dramatic.”

“Mine told me it was quite bloody” Benji adds “Do you reckon he’s alright?”

“I’d put my yearly wages on him still pestering Poppy in medical.” Remus says. “That or crying to Lily in her classroom.”

Benji laughs and leans back against one of the tables in front of Remus’ desk. “Perhaps he might finally stop butting his nose where it isn’t wanted.”

“That would be a miracle”

An awkward moment passes between them and Benji shifts on his feet before he looks at Remus and asks “Up to much this weekend?”

Remus shrugs “I reckon marking the year ten mocks will take up most of it.”

“Oh definitely. I’ve got a fair few piles of those to do myself” He stands up straighter, his facial expression changing “If you fancy it, I’ve just gotten a new coffee machine installed in my flat. I’ve been wanting to show it off.”

Remus has to refrain from raising his eyebrows in shock. It’s no secret that Benji flirts with him. He knows it, the other teachers in the school know it, the headmistress herself likely knows it. Yet Benji has never made an advancement before. It was usually harmless and it always stays at work. Sometimes he flirts back. That’s his fault. 

It’s not that he doesn’t find Benji attractive. Benji is attractive. He’s also smart and rather funny. It’s not even the fact that there is definitely a rule against faculty dating. He knows that Minerva wouldn’t care. 

It’s that Remus is quite happy being alone. He enjoys his own company and he finds that between working all week and his Friday dinners with the Potters, he is quite content to spend his weekends alone. 

It hadn’t always been this way, but it was what had become and he was quite intent to keep it as it is, despite Lily's insistence that he at least attempt to date. 

Remus just smiles and says “Is it alright if I let you know? If I manage to get the marking done then I’ll be sure to come by.”

He’s going to lie and say that he never finished it. He isn’t going to go, but he doesn’t quite have the heart to be honest. 

“That’s great” Benji grins, but before he can say anything else. The door shoots open and Lily Evans-Potter storms in, a face of thunder. 

Her red hair is tied into a neat bun and she’s carrying an abnormally large bag for somebody so small. That’s something about Lily, she always has a bag far larger than necessary. They’d go out for a walk and she’d still manage to pack a tote bag full of things ‘just in case.’ Remus isn’t sure how her shoulders manage it. He thinks it's her maternal side.

She sees Benji and she shoots him a smile. Remus almost laughs at her quick change in emotion, but her face switches back again. 

“Severus is a dick!” She exclaims, standing before Remus with her arms crossed. 

“What’s he done now?” Remus asks. 

“He’s put in a formal complaint against me!” She says loudly, throwing her hands around animatedly as she talks “Apparently it’s my fault that the boys in my class were fighting so therefore it’s my fault he’s got a broken nose.”

Remus bursts out laughing “His nose is broken?” 

“Yes!” She rubs her eyes vigorously “I honestly preferred it when he fancied me. At least then he wasn’t constantly trying to get me fired! He’s so bitter.”

“He’s just upset that you married a footballer Lils” Benji tells her, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder “I think we’re all jealous of James Potter.”

Remus nods in agreement “Obviously you won’t get fired. You didn’t tell Rachel to kiss Mason, did you?”

Lily looks at him, raises an inquisitive brow and asks “How do you know what happened?”

Remus feels his cheeks flush as he admits “Amy Roberts.”

Lily finally laughs and Remus lets out a breath. She’s scary when she’s angry. 

“He’s just such a twat” She says now in a quieter, more defeated voice. “I just want him to leave me alone.”

“Hopefully that broken nose will put him out of work for a while” Remus winks. Lily visibly relaxes.

Benji lets out a sigh and says “I better be off.” He smiles at Lily and then at Remus “I’ll see you both later. Let me know about this weekend Remus.”

The second that Benji leaves the room, Lily turns on him so quickly that she almost loses her balance. “What did he mean ‘let me know about the weekend’ Remus?” She tries to imitate his voice but fails horribly. 

Remus rolls his eyes “He asked me over for coffee.” She perks up but he stops her “I’m not going.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“I’m busy.”

“You’re not busy. You don’t do anything.”

“I beg your pardon, I have lots to do actually.”

“Like?” She tilts her head and stares at him, her eyes narrowing. 

“I’ve got exams to mark. I need to clean my flat and do a foodshop. It’s all quite exciting Mrs Evans.”

Lily goes by Mrs Evans at work, purely to keep it under wraps that she is married to the James Potter. If the students were to find out she wouldn’t hear the end of it. He’s an England player after all, everybody knows who he is. 

“That would take you a day Remus.” Lily scolds him “You seriously can’t make time for coffee and a shag?”

“Who said anything about a shag?”

“Oh come on!” She groans. They both start walking towards the door in a wordless agreement to head to her car. “I know you’re not thick Remus.”

“Coffee or shag I’m not going Lils” He says firmly “I don’t want to give him the wrong idea–”

“Because you’re not dating. Yes I know” She interrupts him in a mocking tone. “I hate Fen for doing this to you.”

Remus looks away from her. “He didn’t do anything to me.”

He doesn’t need to be looking at her to know she’s giving him a look. The same look she gives Harry when he does something naughty or James when he loads the dishwasher wrong after dinner. 

His ex boyfriend is a touchy subject for Remus, one that he tactfully avoids at all costs. It’s not that he’s still in love with him, or even that it’s still a touchy subject. He’s embarrassed. He’s embarrassed of the way he let himself be treated for five years. He’s embarrassed that he used to wait up until late hours in the night for Fen to get home, despite having work the next morning. He’s embarrassed that he stopped speaking to his friends from school because Fenrir told him to. He’s embarrassed that he did everything Fen asked of him because he was in love and he was young and he was stupid. He’s embarrassed that he almost passed up the job opportunity at Hogwarts because Fenrir didn’t want to move from Wales to London. 

He’s embarrassed that it took finding Fen in their bed with another man for him to finally leave. 

That was a year ago. He moved to London eleven months ago and he started his new job at Hogwarts nine, almost ten, months ago. 

He hasn’t dated since. He’s not even had a shag. 

“Whatever you say” Lily huffs. She fishes her car keys out from her pocket and unlocks the car for them to get in. After a few moments of silence she says “I think you’d be silly not to give Benji a chance.”

“I’m silly then.” He says simply. The topic is dropped. 

Lily takes the car journey to rant some more about Severus. She says she wants to get it off of her chest before dinner but Remus knows it’s because she doesn’t want to alarm James. 

Remus leans his head on the window and listens to her, occasionally making a comment or humming in agreement to something she says. 

The journey isn’t long, but there's traffic so what should be a ten minute drive becomes half an hour and by the time they pull into the gates of the Potter residence, Lily is pink cheeked from talking and it’s all out of her system. 

“Harrys missed you” She tells him as she slams the car door shut “He’s been asking for Uncle Mus all week.”

“Has he?” Remus asks, his heart melting. 

Harry is the only baby Remus has ever been around, so it’s not quite an honour when he says Harry is the only baby he likes. However, when he sees babies in public, none of them are quite as cute or well behaved as Harry. He loves playing with Harry and he loves when Harry smiles. 

Becoming Uncle Remus was a recent thing. Remus had only started coming for Friday Night dinners when Lily had cornered him in his classroom in his third week of teaching there. She had lost half of her teacher friends when she went on maternity leave and Remus had no friends. She practically forced him into her car and since then he’s been for dinner every week without fail. 

It was perhaps the sweetest thing ever when Lily had come to work on a random Wednesday in February and told him that Harry had taken to calling him Uncle Remus. He was one and a half so he didn’t say many words. He almost cried when Lily told him. It just made him feel more special than he had in a while. 

Lily didn’t need to open the door because James had beaten her to it, standing with a kicking and squealing Harry on his hip. When he put Harry down, he rushed to Remus’ feet so Remus reached down and picked him up, placing a huge kiss on the little boy's cheek. 

“Uncle Mus!” Harry squealed, dribbling on his chin. Usually that would gross Remus out, but not with Harry. 

“Look at you! Have you gotten bigger already?” 

James laughs and pats Remus on the shoulder “He’s been eating his vegetables, haven’t you Harry?”

Harry nods happily. 

James hugs his wife and then takes her bag from her shoulder, placing it on the hooks behind the door.

“How was work?” He asks her. 

“Shit” She smiles sadly “I’ll tell you later.”

James frowns but drops it. “How about you Remus? Had a good day?” 

“It was alright, glad that it’s finally the weekend though” He says, bouncing Harry on his hip to keep him entertained “How was practice?” 

James groans “So bad.” He starts walking in the direction of the kitchen and the two of them, plus Harry, wordlessly follow “Madeyes being extra hard on us. He says we aren’t euros ready, but I know we are! He’s overworking everybody and my legs hurt.”

They make it into the extremely large kitchen with a wide island table and so many open windows with the natural light shining through. James flicks the kettle on and pulls out three cups. Remus puts Harry down on the floor and he runs over to his playing mat in the centre of the room, rambling to himself in baby blabber. 

“England has odds to win though, right?” Remus says. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He doesn’t understand football, no matter how hard he tries to support James. This is what he had heard Johnny in year eight say earlier on in the week. “Surely that would comfort him?”

Lily shakes her head “Moody is a perfectionist. He won’t stop until they’re all playing like robots.” 

“That's boring though, isn’t it? What fun is it without a little personality?” Remus says. 

“I’ll tell him that next time I miss a goal, ‘sorry Moody, it’s just my personality’.” James jokes. 

James places a coffee in front of Lily and a tea in front of Remus. 

“Why don’t I get coffee?” Remus asks. 

“You drink too much of it.” 

Remus rolls his eyes but sips the tea no matter what. James is right. He drinks far too much of it. 

“I invited Sirius by the way” James mentions “He’s had a rough day. I thought we could get a takeaway or something?” 

Lily laughs, an evil cackle which causes Remus to put his head into his hands. 

“What is it?” James asks, confused. 

“Remus fancies the pants off of Sirius!” 

James gasps “You do?”

“No!” Remus insists “I just said that if I had to pick a footballer it would be him. Footballers aren’t my type.” A lie. 

James mocks being offended “Don’t tell me you prefer rugby players.”

“I’m Welsh” Remus deadpans. To be honest, he doesn’t have a preference. A hot sweaty, sporty man is a hot sweaty sporty man, no matter the profession. 

“To be fair, if Sirius were into men, I think you’d actually be quite well suited. Right James?” Lily says, sipping her coffee with a smirk. 

A weird look crosses James face, but he shakes it off quickly and nods “I guess so. I’ve never thought about it.” 

“I doubt it” Remus says “We wouldn’t have much in common.”

“He loves Bowie” Lily offers “And he reads a lot.”

“And he went to Wales once.” James adds.

“Wow!” Remus says sarcastically “Can’t get more compatible than that.”

“Ugh! You’re impossible.” Lily complains. 

“Stop trying to marry me off then” Remus tells her. 

“We just want you to be happy.” Lily says. 

“I am happy.” 

James coughs awkwardly in the silence that follows and says “What takeaway shall we get then? Don’t tell mum but I fancy an Indian. She’ll call it shit, but sometimes the shitty ones just taste better, do you know what I mean?”

“I’ll eat whatever” Remus shrugs, focusing his eyes on Harry. 

His phone buzzes in his pocket and he reaches for it. James and Lily are now discussing takeaways and where to order from so they pay him no attention. 

(Unknown number):

What time is the meeting tomorrow?

Remus stares at it for a moment, an internal panic setting in. Had he scheduled a meeting and forgotten about it? Surely not, he would never schedule anything for a saturday. He checks his calendar, and then his notes app, his emails last. When he’s sure that he definitely doesn’t have a meeting tomorrow, he texts back. 

Remus:

I think you have the wrong number.

Sorry.

He turns vibrate off and puts his phone into his pocket again. He doesn’t want to be bothered again tonight. 

He looks up in time to see Harry staring at him, a toy wolf in hand. “Look Uncle Mus! Wolf!” 

“Wow Harry!” Remus grins “Can you show me more?”

Harry had been half way through his toy collection by the time James’ phone had rang. James leaves the room to answer it and returns a few minutes later, phone still held up to his ear. 

“Sirius’ had a few scheduling mishaps for tomorrow that he needs to sort out so he’s going to be a bit later than planned. Are we alright to wait for him? He says he’ll grab the food on the way home. His treat.”

“I’m happy to wait, but can I send him some money for the food?” Remus asks. 

James doesn’t need to relay the question because Sirius must’ve heard him “He says no, he’s using his Nike money.”

“But–”

“Tell him it’s fine, no need to rush” Lily says with a smile, as if she hadn’t interrupted Remus. She shoots him a look after and says "Let him pay, he's a multi millionaire.”

“Fine” Remus grumbles. James reels of their order to Sirius. Once he has hung the phone up, Remus asks “What’s the ‘Nike money’ from?”

“Oh, it's this shoot they’re doing before the Euros. They’ve asked a bunch of players to be in it, to show unity or some shit like that. They’ve paid him a lot to do it.” James explained. “It's to try and stop racism and stuff like that. Not sure how well it will do in England but it's a nice idea.”

“Wait, sorry. They picked him to be in the campaign to try and stop bigotry? A rich white male?” Remus questions, as if he might be the only person noticing what's wrong with it. “Surely you’d be a better option? Surely anybody else would be?”

James laughs slightly “I know what you mean, but he’s got the biggest fanbase. He did try to get them to go with me or Kingsley instead but they just wanted him apparently.” 

Lily smiles at James who just shrugs like it doesn’t bother him. Remus assumes that he’s putting up a facade in front of him. 

“Is that sort of stuff bad then? Prejudice towards the players?” Remus asks. 

“I missed a goal once and by the time I’d gotten home that night my whole inbox was filled with death threats and racist comments.” James says it so casually, without any sort of sadness or anger. 

“What?” Remus’ mouth hangs open. The thought of James; sweet, thoughtful, caring, loving, brilliant James, getting death threats makes him feel sick to his stomach. 

“And then it’s the same people praising me at the pub the next week” He laughs “You just can’t please em.” 

Lily kisses James on the cheek and says “It doesn’t matter what those twats think anyway, does it?”

“Nope” He smiles, kissing her on the lips. 

He averts his eyes, picking up one of Harry's toys absentmindedly, a small plastic dog that had been knocked over during the chaos of Harry's play.

Harry, sensing a lull in the conversation, scrambles to his feet, reaching for the dragon in Remus’ hand. "Dog! Uncle Mus, the dog needs to save the wolf!"

Remus smiles at Harry's insistence and obliges, pretending that the dog is running up to the wolf. "Don’t worry," he says in a low, playful voice, "the dog will keep the wolf safe."

Harry giggles, utterly enraptured by the game, and Remus can’t help but chuckle along with him. 

“What’s the dog's name?” Remus asks. 

“Padfoot!” 

“And the wolves?” 

Harry thinks about it for a moment and then says “Moony!”

They played until James came in and swooped Harry away for dinner. They always made sure to feed him before they had their own dinner. Meaning that Harry would be more than happy to sit in front of the TV in his pyjamas whilst they all ate and drank wine. He always got to stay up later on Fridays. 

James is covered in baby food and Lily is elbows deep in the washing up bowl when the doorbell rings. James looks up at him and says “Shit, Rem, can you get it?”

Remus looks at Lily, and back at James and realises that there isn’t much of another option. 

“Oh look at him” Lily laughs “He’s shitting it.”

“It’s just Sirius” James tries to reassure him “He’s just like me, incredibly normal.” 

“Nothing about you is incredibly normal.” He says. 

James rolls his eyes as Remus leaves the room to head toward the door. Sirius rings the bell again just before Remus pulls the door open. 

“The fucking traffic was— Oh shit!” Sirius exclaims, jumping back when he sees somebody who isn’t James at the door “Sorry. I wasn’t expecting you to answer the door. Remus, right?” 

Remus freezes for a second, taking in the man standing before him. It’s the same face he’s seen on countless Magazine covers, news articles and in photo frames at the Potter house – yet seeing it in person seems different. The first thing Remus notices is the eyes, the grey eyes which look so cold and detached in photos. There is nothing cold and detached about his eyes now that he looks at Remus. They’re bright and fixed on him in a way that makes him flush and his ears burn. 

He’s shorter than Remus thought and he makes Remus feel tall and gangly. He’s still tall, probably at around five foot ten. Remus is just abnormally tall, almost a head taller than him. 

His dark hair is slightly dishevelled, falling into his sharp, handsome face in a way that looks more intentional than accidental. He’s dressed in casual, expensive clothes—a leather jacket thrown over a plain black t-shirt and fitted jeans—but wears them with a sort of careless elegance that Remus could never pull off.

It’s the grin that throws Remus off guard—a lopsided, charming smile that catches Remus completely off guard.

Remus nods and with an awkward laugh says “It’s fine. I’ve heard worse.” He moves out of the way so that Sirius can step in, once he has he shuts the door. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you” Sirius says, reaching a hand out. Remus takes it and they briefly shake hands. Sirius has a very strong handshake. “I’ve heard a lot.”

“Good things I hope?” Remus says. He hates it because it's such a typical response, but he doesn’t have the brain power to think of anything better.

“Mostly” and then Sirius Black winks at him and walks in the direction of the kitchen. 

Remus stands frozen for half a second before he notices he needs to follow Sirius, and then he falls in tow with him. 

“You teach at Hogwarts too, right?” Sirius asks him.

“Yeah I do. Head of English.” Remus says. 

“Very studious,” Sirius smiles, “I like to read sometimes.”

“You do?” Remus asks, as if James and Lily hadn’t told him this half an hour before. Sirius nods so Remus asks “What’s your favourite book?”

“You can’t just ask me that” Sirius says “There's too many.”

They’re in the kitchen now so their conversation swiftly ends and is interrupted by Harry’s happy squeals. “Uncle Rus!” 

Remus sits down and lets Sirius hug Lily and rub Harry's very full head of hair. James smiles at Sirius warmly and says “How have you been?”

“Since you saw me six hours ago?” Sirius mocked “I’d say alright. Honoured to be invited to a Friday Lupin-Potter dinner.”

“It’s the highest of honours” Lily says “Come on, we’ll eat in the dining room.”

Their dining room is grand. Bigger than Remus’ bedroom and his kitchen combined actually, maybe even his bathroom too. The tables laid, likely James’ doing, and the curtains are drawn despite it not being dark yet. 

Sirius brings the bag of food in tow and the four of them take their usual seats. Lily and James sit on one side, Remus and Sirius on the other. Remus sits on the right, Sirius on the left. It seems like this is what happens, even when the other person isn’t there. 

They make small talk whilst they load up their plates, distributing each dish between them. Lily disappears at one point to settle Harry down in the living room and she comes back with a baby monitor in hand. 

“So Remus” Sirius says, turning his attention to him “Tell me about yourself.”

“What do you want to know?” 

“How old are you?” 

“That's a boring one Sirius” James says from across the table, Sirius flips him the bird. 

“Twenty eight.” Remus says “You?”

“Twenty nine.” He looks hard in thought, and then he asks “You’re Welsh right? What brought you to London?”

“This job mostly” Remus says “Where are you from?”

“Bath originally but I’ve lived in Chelsea most of my life.” Sirius explains.

“Remus lives in Shoreditch” Lily adds in. Remus shoots her a look, she grins at him before biting into a poppadom. 

“Shoreditch is nice,” Sirius says. 

“Not as nice as Chelsea or Hampstead” Remus scoffs. 

Sirius smirks at Remus’ comment and leans back in his chair. “True, but it’s got its charm. Shoreditch has… character,” he says with a slight tilt of his head, as if considering the area in his mind. “It’s artsy. Different.”

Remus shrugs with a half-smile. “That’s one way to put it.”

“So,” Sirius continues, focusing back on Remus with that lopsided grin again, “what do you do for fun? Besides, you know, moulding the young minds of tomorrow.”

“I feel like I'm under interrogation,” Remus says. 

James laughs “Remus gets shy when he has to talk about himself.”

“Oh, come on, Remus,” Lily teases, taking a sip of her wine. “You’re one of the most interesting people we know. Tell him about your travels.”

“Travelling?” Sirius perks up, eyebrows raised in surprise.

Remus sighs, clearly outnumbered. “Well, not recently. But before I took the job at Hogwarts, I travelled around Europe for a while. It was a good way to clear my head, I suppose.”

Sirius seems intrigued. “Where did you go?”

“Mostly Eastern Europe,” Remus explains. “Poland, Hungary, the Balkans. I spent some time in Croatia. Beautiful place.”

Sirius’ eyes light up. “Croatia? I’ve been meaning to go there. I’ve heard the coast is nice.”

“It is,” Remus says, warming up to the topic now that Sirius seems genuinely interested. “The beaches are incredible, but it’s the old towns I really loved. The architecture, the history—it’s fascinating.”

“See?” James chimes in, grinning. “Not boring at all.”

Remus chuckles softly, rolling his eyes at James. “Fine, but you’re still making it sound more exciting than it was.”

Sirius smiles, leaning back in his chair again, clearly enjoying this. “I don’t know, Remus. You’re full of surprises.”

Remus raises an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

Sirius gives him a teasing grin. “Definitely. A world traveller. What else are you hiding?”

Remus laughs, shaking his head. “I went to a few countries. I didn't travel the world.”

“Why did you go?” Sirius asks him “Everybody goes travelling for a reason.” 

Remus hesitates, his smile fading just a little. He glances at his plate for a moment, idly pushing around some of the food with his fork before answering. Lily looks at him and Remus wordlessly lets her know that it’s alright. 

“Just a bad breakup really. I had some time to kill before I moved to London and I wanted to be anywhere but at our flat so I just thought fuck it.”

“The best way to think” Sirius says, and then he winks again. Remus might die.

Dinner goes well after that. Sirius eases with the questions and they all ease into conversation about their days, their plans for the weekend, holidays they might book for after the Euros in the summer. Remus mostly listens. He enjoys listening and Sirius is nice to listen to. 

His voice is different to what Remus had seen on TV. Perhaps it was the persona he’d created, but he always came across as quite dull. Sexy, but dull. He’d talk in a deep, flat, monotone voice. He was different now, with Lily and James. More enthusiastic, a richer tone. He’s a good storyteller, enrapturing, entertaining. 

Sirius impresses him. 

They finish eating and James turns to Sirius and says “Come help me take this all into the kitchen. We can put Harry into bed after.”

“Alright” Sirius smiles. He reaches over to take Remus’ plate, his hand briefly brushes Remus’ as he does it. It sends a shot of electricity down his spine and he jumps a little bit, enough for Sirius to look him right in the eyes and whisper “Sorry.” They take the last of the plates and bowls and walk out of the room. 

“So?” Lily says to him. 

Remus groans “I do fancy the pants off of him.”

“I knew it!” She laughs “You had the same look in your eyes as you did when you saw Ben Barnes in the punisher.”

Remus puts his head in his hands “He winked at me Lils. Twice.”

She laughs even harder “You’re fucked mate.”

“I know” Remus mumbles into his palm. 

“It’ll pass. I’m sure of it” She tries to reassure him “Once you get to know him better you’ll probably think he’s quite gross.”

Remus isn’t sure he believes her, so he just says “Maybe.”

There's footsteps and then Sirius pokes his head back inside of the door “Lils, Harry wants you.”

Lily smiles at Sirius and then at Remus “He’s a mama's boy.”

Sirius scoffs “I’d say he’s a Godfather's boy,”

“Because you give him sugar and let him stay up late.” Lily says as she walks towards the door “The novelty will wear off.”

Remus chuckles as Lily exits the room, leaving him alone with Sirius. He’s acutely aware of the awkward silence that settles between them once Lily’s footsteps fade down the hallway. Sirius sits back down, stretching out his long legs casually beneath the table.

"She’s probably right, you know,” Sirius says with a grin, as if picking up the thread of the conversation. “Harry’ll get sick of me spoiling him one of these days.”

“Doubt it,” Remus replies with a smile. “You seem to be quite the favourite.”

Sirius leans forward, resting his elbows on the table, his gaze sharp and focused on Remus again. “And what about you? Are you easily won over with sugar and late nights?”

Remus blinks, thrown off by the teasing tone in Sirius’ voice, his mouth going dry. He tries to brush it off with a laugh, unsure of what to make of Sirius’ playful flirting. “Depends on the company, I suppose.”

Sirius smirks at that, clearly amused. “Good answer.”

Remus traces his finger around the rim of the wine glass, holding Sirius’ eye contact. “James said practice was rough this morning.” 

Sirius throws his head back and laughs “Rough doesn’t even begin to cover it,” Sirius says, shaking his head with a grin. “Moody’s got such a stick up his arse recently.” He then reaches down to massage his calf, Remus can’t help but watch. “I reckon he’s having trouble at home with the Mrs and he’s taking it out on us because we're all young, fit and attractive.”

“Oh right” Remus says, bringing his eyes back up to see that Sirius is watching him with a sly smirk. His stomach drops to his feet and he looks to his wine glass instead. “Are your calves sore then?”

“Agony” Sirius says.

He swirls the wine in his glass, choosing his words carefully. “Maybe you need someone to help you stretch more.”

Sirius raises an eyebrow, clearly amused by the suggestion. “Are you offering, Lupin?”

Remus almost chokes on his drink, but he manages to laugh it off. “I’m not sure I’m qualified for that.”

“Shame,” Sirius replies with a grin, leaning back in his chair again. “I bet you’d be good at it.”

Remus’ mind races as he tries to come up with something clever to say in response, but instead, he finds himself just smiling, a little flustered and a little intrigued. “No girlfriend at home to help you?”

Sirius’ grin falters for the briefest of moments, and his expression shifts—just slightly. It’s subtle, but Remus notices it. “No. No girlfriend.” 

Remus feels his cheeks burn. 

“How about you Remus? Any girlfriends at home?” 

He shakes his head “Er, no. I’m gay actually.”

A look crosses Sirius’ face and Remus cannot quite explain what it is. “A boyfriend then?”

He shakes his head again “Nope. Just me.”

Sirius doesn’t push the conversation any further, but there’s a lingering look in his eyes that says he isn’t done teasing Remus just yet. Instead, he lets the silence settle between them comfortably, like they’re both content to just sit there and exist in the same space for a while longer.

The quiet is finally broken by the distant sound of Harry’s giggles from down the hall, followed by Lily’s voice trying to coax him into bed. Sirius smiles fondly at the sound, then turns his attention back to Remus.

“You know,” Sirius says after a pause, “I didn’t think I’d enjoy tonight as much as I have.”

Remus tilts his head slightly, intrigued by the sudden shift in Sirius’ tone. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Sirius admits, leaning forward a little. “You’ve made it quite interesting.”

Oh my fucking god. 

Remus can feel the heat creeping back up his neck, but he tries to play it cool, even though his heart is pounding in his chest. "Interesting how?" he asks, his voice coming out more casual than he feels.

Sirius tilts his head and narrows his eyes playfully, as if he’s considering his words carefully. "Well, you’re not exactly what I expected," he says with a smirk, swirling his wine again.

Remus arches an eyebrow. "And what did you expect?"

Sirius looks at him, like he’s inspecting him. But before the moment can linger too long, the sound of footsteps interrupts them, and James bursts back into the room with a grin on his face. Lily follows behind him. “Alright, Harry’s finally down for the count,” he announces, plopping himself down in his seat again. "What did we miss?"

Sirius leans back in his chair “Just getting to know Remus better.” 

Remus sips the last of his wine. Lily looks at him, her eyebrow raised. “I should probably get going actually.”

“Already?” James complains. 

Remus nods “I’m shattered. I need my bed.”

“I can drive you home, if you’d like?” Sirius offers. 

Remus shakes his head. He knows better than to be alone in a car with Sirius. “Thank you, but I’ll be alright on the bus.”

Lily comes to hug him, burying his face in her red hair. When she pulls away she says quietly “Think about Benji's offer, yeah?”

Remus rolls his eyes. “What did Benji offer?” James asks, always the nosy husband. 

“He asked Remus over for coffee. Like a date.” Lily says, an amused look on her face. 

“Going to somebody's house for coffee is considered a date now?” Sirius scoffs.

Lily glares at him and James says “Is it code for like, a shag?”

“No,” Remus says clearly. 

“You never know” Lily grins “Just don’t be so quick to turn him down. Alright?”

“Fine” He lies. He stands up from his chair and says “Thank you for tonight.” He looks at just Sirius now and with a smile says “Thank you for paying. I’ll be sure to get the next one.”

“Next one?” Sirius repeats, a devilish look on his face “Does that mean I’m invited to more Potter-Lupin Friday dinners?”

“This was my plan all along,” James admits with a grin. 

“It was?” Lily asks. She looks somewhat impressed. 

“It was,” James confirms. 

“See you next Friday then” Remus says to Sirius. 

Lily walks him to the door. She turns to him just before he steps out and says “He’s straight Remus.” 

“I know,” He replies. “It’s just a little crush.”

“Don’t let it go too far, yeah?”

Remus nods “See you on Monday.”

Lily waves and closes the door behind him. 

The bus stop isn’t far from James and Lily's house. He gets his phone out to call his mum, like he usually does in the evenings — she worries if he doesn’t. But he notices another text from that same unknown number. 

(Unknown Number):

My bad. 

Sorry to bother you. 

Trust my assistant to give me the wrong phone number. 

He looks at the text for a moment, oddly intrigued. Maybe it’s the three glasses of wine he had at dinner, but he felt bold enough to text back;

(Remus):

I’m intrigued on what job you have that requires an assistant. 

(Unknown Number): 

Straight onto the big questions. 

No hello, how are you?

(Remus):

Forgive me. 

Hello. How are you?

(Unknown Number):

Hello. 

I’m brilliant. How are you?

(Remus):

Fabulous 

Now will you answer my question? 

(Unknown Number):

I’m not sure. I hardly know you.  

How old are you?

(Remus):

I’m 28. 

(Unknown Number): 

I’m 16. 

JOKING. 

I’m 29. 

(Remus):  

That’s not fair. You scared the shit out of me . 

(Unknown Number):

LOL

What’s your name?

(Remus): 

I’m not telling you that. 

You’re a stranger. 

(Unknown Number):

Ugh fine. 

Where are you from?

(Remus):

London. 

(Unknown Number):

Me too. 

I’m a photographer. I have an assistant to manage my shoots and stuff for me because I’m awful at keeping track of them myself. 

What do you do?

(Remus):

I teach.  

(Unknown Number):

Very studious  

Remus blinked at his phone. That’s exactly what Sirius said to him. He looked up and the bus was coming. So he quickly turned his phone off and got out his oyster card. Once he was back on the bus, he got his phone out again and replied;

(Remus):

Somebody else said that to me earlier.  

(Unknown Number):

That makes me feel so unoriginal. 

What have you been up to today then phone stranger?

(Remus):

Well I’m a teacher, so I worked. 

I had dinner with some friends too. 

(Unknown Number):

What did you get?

(Remus):

An Indian. 

(Unknown Number):

Weird. Me too. 

(Remus):

Is it that weird? If you think about how many people in London have an Indian takeaway with their friends on a Friday night. 

(Unknown Number):

I suppose so. 

Very intellectual aren’t you? 

Are you sure you won’t tell me your name?

(Remus):

Would you tell me yours?

(Unknown Number):

Maybe not a real one. 

Give me a fake name, a nickname, anything.

He thought back to Harry earlier and typed out. 

(Remus):

Moony. 

(Unknown Number):

Where did the idea for that come from?

(Moony):

My nephew was playing with his toys earlier, Moony and Padfoot.

Moony was the wolf and Padfoot was the dog saving him.

(Unknown Number):

I’ll be Padfoot then. Your knight in shining armour. 

That’s quite cute

I’m assuming you’re a man?

(Moony):

I am

Is that disappointing?

(Padfoot):

I’m gay, so not at all. 

Not that I’m making a move on you or anything. 

I didn’t mean that in a mean way, I’m sure you’re lovely.

You’re just a strange man is all. 

Not strange. UGH.

DJNWDB ignore me, please. 

(Moony):

I understand what you mean, don’t worry.

I’m gay too if that's any consolation. 

(Padfoot):

I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse honestly. 

I just don’t know you yet, that's all.

Are you doing much else tonight? 

(Moony):

Sleep.

I am going to go home and sleep.

(Padfoot):

On a Friday night?!!

You’re 28, surely you have better things to do?

(Moony):

What else would I do? It’s 9:30pm already.

(Padfoot):

A bar? A club? Anything but bed. 

(Moony):

Clubbing? Really? I’m a 28 year old teacher

I think that's my worst nightmare actually.

(Padfoot):

I still go out from time to time, there's nothing wrong with it

(Moony):

My only two friends are probably already in bed with their son. 

I’d have nobody to go out with even if I wanted.

Which I don’t, by the way.

(Padfoot):

I’d go out with you.

If we weren’t keeping our identities top secret that is. 

Remus had been looking down at this phone for so long that he almost didn’t press the stop button for his stop. He panics, presses it and slides his phone into his pocket. He thanks the driver on his way out and then starts the walk to his flat. 

He doesn’t live in the nicest area, one of those ones where it's probably not the safest to walk around with your phone out at night. He keeps it firmly in his pocket until he gets to his building. He’s on the first floor, so not much of a trek up the stairs, but his hip has been aching recently and it twinges every time he lifts it. 

When he’s firmly in his flat, he hasn’t even taken his shoes off before he’s getting his phone back out to answer Padfoot.

(Padfoot):

Was that too far?

(Moony):

No sorry

I almost missed my stop lol

I’m home now though

(Padfoot):

Going straight to bed then?

(Moony):

Pretty much

I’d stay up to keep talking but i'm knackered

(Padfoot):

Teaching seems so tiring

I feel awful for how much of a pain in the arse I was at school

They didn’t get paid enough for my shit lol

(Moony):

I wasn’t great either

Honestly, sometimes the pain the arses are quite entertaining

  (Padfoot):

I’m sure you were an absolute swot Moony

(Moony):

Sometimes

I can do both

  (Padfoot):

I’ll leave you alone

So that you can get your well deserved rest

(Moony):

Goodnight Padfoot x

(Padfoot):

Goodnight Moony x

Chapter Text

“Who are you texting?” Lily asks, a funny look on her face. 

Remus looks up from his face, the grin that had been settled there faltered. He’s texting Padfoot, they’ve been texting a lot since last Friday. 

He’d woken up to a message from him on Saturday morning. 

(Padfoot): 

Morning Moonbeam 

Sleep well?

(Moony): 

Moonbeam, seriously?

I’m still tired

Why were you awake at 6? On a saturday?

(Padfoot): 

I had a shoot

I’m back in bed now though

(Moony): 

I might not get out of bed honestly

(Padfoot):

Let's just stay in bed and text all day

(Moony):

Deal.

They started to flirt more after that. It was shameless, sometimes subtle, sometimes much less subtle. Padfoot could sometimes be out right bold with his advances and Remus probably wasn’t much more subtle.

(Padfoot):

I bet you look sexy in your teacher clothes 

(Moony):

You’re quite brazen today aren’t you?

And no, I don’t think I do

(Padfoot):

What are you wearing right now?

(Moony):

These like brown trousers, a white shirt and a cardigan

(Padfoot):

A CARDIGAN??

They’re my kryptonite 

(Moony):

You’re joking surely?

I’d bet you look good in your work clothes too

(Padfoot):

I am being completely, 100% honest Moons.

I just wear joggers and stuff at work

(Moony):

Grey ones?

(Padfoot):

Yeah sometimes 

(Moony):

They’re my kryptonite

(Padfoot):

That's good to know Moony

I’ll wear them more often for you

(Moony):

My first periods here

Talk later?

(Padfoot):

Yes, talk later

Enjoy moulding the young minds of tomorrow x

Just now Padfoot had texted him a photo of a dog. It was a large one with black shaggy fur and long ears;

(Padfoot):

This is how I imagine Padfoot looks

I asked the owner and apparently his names Snuffles 

I much prefer Padfoot

(Moony):

I prefer Padfoot too

That's exactly what my nephews toy looked like actually

(Padfoot):

It was meant to be, Moony.

“Nobody” Remus lies. 

“Oh come on” Lily whines “You only text three people, me, James and your mum. You’re not texting me. You better not be texting James with a grin like that on your face and I know that your mums in the Maldives this week with her new boyfriend. So who is it?”

Remus scoffs, switching his phone off and sliding it back into his pocket “I text more people than that.”

“Since when do you keep secrets from me?”

“I’m not keeping secrets” He insists. He picks up his mug and takes a sip. He and Lily are spending their lunch together, hidden in his classroom to avoid the staffroom. “You’re just being nosy.”

“Is it a man?” Lily asks. 

“Yes.” He admits, reluctantly. 

“Is it a man that you might consider dating?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Oh you have to tell me now!” Lily moans “Please Rem. I’ll bring you one of James’ lunches tomorrow.”

Remus considers it. James’ lunches are always amazing. He takes it. “You’re going to think I’m odd.”

“I’d never think you’re odd,” Lily assures him. 

He rubs his eyes “It’s just some random number that text me last week.”

Lily's mouth drops open “Like a stranger?”

Remus nods “It’s nothing serious.”

“What do you talk about?” 

“I don’t know. Everything I guess, but nothing at the same time.” He looks at her “You do think it’s odd, don’t you?”

Lily shakes her head “I’m just surprised is all. How did it come about?”

“Well he accidentally texted me instead of his assistant, and I was drunk so I asked what job he had to require an assistant and then we just kept talking.”

“Do you know what he looks like?”

Remus shakes his head “I don’t even know his name.”

“Have you considered the scenario that he could be Severus Snape or like… a seventy year old man?” 

The thought of Padfoot being Severus Snape makes him feel sick, more sick than the thought of him being a seventy year old man. 

“Of course I have, hence why he doesn’t know anything particularly factual about me.” 

“You’re being smart about it then?” Lily checks. 

“You know me Lils” He smiles and then he takes a bite of his sandwich. 

“Can I ask one more thing?” Lily asks, a smirk on her face. Remus rolls his eyes but allows it anyway “Would you consider meeting him?”

He shrugs “I think I would. I’m not sure how he feels about it though.”

“Ask him then” She says as if it's the simplest thing in the world “The worst he can say is no.”

“I hate rejection” He complains.

She grins and they eat the rest of their lunch without mentioning Padfoot. Before she leaves the room at the end of lunch, she turns to him and says;

“Have you seen the PSHE topic yet?”

“No” Remus admits, "What is it?”

She laughs “Online safety.”

He groans and puts his head in his hands “For fucks sake.”

“Goodluck! Love you!” 

“Piss off.”

(Moony):

Guess what I’ve got to teach a lesson on?

(Padfoot):

Fucking hell Moony

There's so many options

Sex?

Dorian Gray?

(Moony): 

I wish, I love Dorian Gray 

And sex but I’d rather not teach that

ONLINE SAFETY

(Padfoot): 

SHUT UP 

AHAHHAHAHHAAHHA

No way!!!

(Moony):

I’m going to be such a hypocrite

“Don't talk to strangers online guys”

But i can

(Padfoot):

It makes us sound so creepy when you say it like that

(Moony):

Maybe if we meet up it wouldn’t be so creepy anymore

I want to see you Pads

Padfoot doesn’t respond. Remus waits until the last possible moment, just in case, but there's no response and the bell rings. He turns his phone off and puts it away in his draw. 

“Hi Sir!” Amy grins when she walks into the classroom, she opens the door so enthusiastically that it slams on the wall. She shoots him a guilty look and says “Sorry!” 

Her usual group of girls don’t follow in behind her, so Remus asks “Not with Matilda today?”

She comes over to his desk, just like she does every week, but this time she’s got a sad look on her face. “She’s not speaking to me.” 

“Oh” Remus smiles sadly “Are you all alright?”

She nods, it's not a very reassuring one “We’ll be fine.”

The door opens again and a few boys walk in. She turns to walk away, to her seat, but Remus quickly says, in a quiet voice, “I’m always here if you need to talk, Amy.”

“Thanks Sir” She says with a sad smile. 

The lesson goes painfully slow and he knows his cheeks might be pink just from the embarrassment of his hypocrisy. How could he stand up here and teach his students the dangers of online safety whilst he’s currently wondering if the stranger he’s been texting has replied to his offer to meet up.

Is it a date? He honestly doesn’t know. They flirt, they have a lot in common. He likes Padfoot, but how far can that go without the attractiveness? How can he fancy somebody he’s never even met? He giggles at his phone and he waits around for texts from him, he’s ashamed to admit it. 

He’s been texting this man for a week, he doesn’t need to know how he feels yet. But how are they supposed to progress if they don’t even know each other's name, or the colour of their hair. 

He thinks back to Sirius. Sirius’ hair. Sirius’ eyes. God if he could just merge Padfoot's personality with Sirius’ Black's looks, he’d be sorted, he’d be ready to settle down then and there. He’d be on his knees in seconds. 

Class ends and he checks his phone again. Still no response from Padfoot. He tries not to be too disappointed. He might be busy. But then his mind wanders and he thinks maybe it’s too soon, maybe he scared Padfoot off, maybe he doesn’t want to meet him. 

There's a knock at the door, he looks up expecting Lily, or maybe Benji. He’s shocked to see Matilda at the door, an uneasy look on her face. 

“Come in,” Remus says with a small smile. She comes in and hesitantly walks over to her desk. He’s never seen her like this, she’s usually confident, so sure of herself, bold. “Are you alright?”

She shakes her head “I’ve had a shit day if I’m honest Sir.”

“Come sit, tell me about it.” He tells her, gesturing to the seat at his desk “Do you want some chocolate?” 

She nods now, a small smile creeping onto her face. “Chocolate makes everything better.”

“Wise words” He says, handing her the spare Dairy Milk bar he keeps hidden in his desk. It’s for emergencies really, when the staffroom runs out or if his blood sugars feel low, but he doesn’t mind giving it to her. 

She’s quiet for a moment, looking down at her shoes, then she says “Me and Amy fell out.”

“Is that what's getting you down?” He asks her. 

She pops a square of chocolate into her mouth “A bit yeah.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She pushes a stray hair behind her ear “I just— I did something and I think I overstepped but now she’s avoiding me. She won’t even look at me.” Her eyes well with tears and Remus watches as she wipes away one that threatened to fall. “I want to apologise but she won’t let me.”

“Perhaps she just needs some time?” Remus offers gently, watching as Matilda fidgets with the corner of the chocolate bar wrapper. 

Matilda takes a shaky breath and nods, though she doesn’t look convinced. "Maybe," she says quietly. "But what if she never wants to talk to me again? What if… what if I've ruined everything?"

Remus leans forward slightly, his eyes soft with understanding. "I don’t think one mistake, no matter how big it feels right now, can ruin everything between two people who care about each other," he says carefully. "Sometimes, people just need a little distance to sort out their own thoughts. It doesn’t mean they’ve given up on you."

Matilda looks down at her lap, her fingers absentmindedly smoothing out the folds of her skirt. "It’s just… I care about her so much. She’s one of my closest friends. And now, everything’s just… weird. I just thought that maybe she—”

The door opens and Lily walks in. Matilda’s head immediately snaps towards her, her mouth clamping shut and her cheeks turning pink. Lily looks at Remus and then at Matilda. 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise you were in the middle of something.”

Matilda wraps up the last of the uneaten chocolate and shoves it into her blazer pocket. She smiles at them both, a fake smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “It’s alright Mrs Evans, my mum will be here now anyways.”

Remus looks at her with concern “Are you sure?”

She nods “Yep. Have a good weekend Sir. You too Mrs Evans.” 

“Matilda” Remus says before she leaves “If you need anything else, please don’t be afraid to Email me, yeah?”

“Thanks Sir” She says, then she leaves, closing the door behind herself. 

Lily stands there for a moment, a guilty look on her face. “Shit I’m so sorry Rem. I should’ve knocked. Is she alright?”

“I honestly don’t know… I’ve never seen her so quiet before” Remus says. 

Lily lingers near the desk, chewing on her bottom lip. "I feel awful.”

“She’ll be alright” Remus assures her “She’s a strong minded girl.”

He gets his phone out and checks it again. Still nothing from Padfoot. He looks up at Lily who eyes him carefully. 

“Learn anything in today's lesson?” She jokes.

He flips her off, and then he says “Can we leave? This place is giving me a headache.”

They get to the Potter house at about half past four. They blast the radio the whole way home and Remus isn’t quite sure if it made his headache better or worse. When they pull up, Remus checks his phone one last time.

(Padfoot):

UGH FUCK 

I want to meet you so bad

Like really

But I can't  

(Moony):

Why?

I don’t get it

(Padfoot):

I can’t date Moony

And I don’t think I can meet you and not want to be with you

Remus stares at his phone, blinking erratically. Padfoot wants to be with him. But Padfoot can’t date him, for some unknown reason that he’s not even mentioned to Remus until now. 

Lily looks at him and says “What's happened?”

“I just– It’s nothing.” He lies, “I just need a minute, I’ll meet you inside.”

She doesn’t believe him but she says “Okay, don’t be too long. You know what Harrys like.”

There's a sinking feeling in his stomach, disappointment. He lets out an exhale and leans back against the headrest. 

(Moony): 

Why?

Are you married or something?

(Padfoot):

GOD NO

I’m definitely not married

I just can’t date

And i can’t explain why

(Moony):

Oh brilliant 

Super informative

Thanks Pads 

(Padfoot):

I’m sorry Moony

I still want to keep messaging you 

(Moony):

Why didn’t you say anything sooner?

(Padfoot):

I wasn’t sure if you liked me in that way

(Moony):

We spend 70% of the time talking about sex 

Or making sex innuendos 

Why would you think I don’t want you like that?

(Padfoot):

I don’t date 

I’m oblivious to these things 

(Moony): 

I find that hard to believe

(Padfoot):

I’m really sorry if I’ve upset you Moony

I just liked talking to you so much 

I didn’t want to lose what we had 

(Moony):

You just expected us to keep texting forever?

I don’t even know what you look like

(Padfoot):

I don’t know what I was thinking 

I was being selfish 

But I really would like to keep texting you 

Please

(Moony):

I don’t know Pads

Remus doesn’t wait for Padfoot's response. He turns his phone off, letting it fall into his lap. He’s confused and he’s embarrassed. He leans his head back against the seat, rubbing his eyes as he tries to process his feelings. Breathing in and breathing out. 

A knock on his window startles him. He expects to look up and see Lily, but instead he sees a grinning Harry with an even wider grinning Sirius. Remus blinks in surprise at the sight outside his window. Harry is waving frantically, his little face pressed against the glass, and right beside him, Sirius Black is standing there with a grin that makes Remus’ knees feel weak. 

God , what's worse, feelings for a stranger he’s never met, or feelings for his best friend's husband's straight best friend?

Remus takes one last deep breath before he opens the car door and gets out. Sirius puts Harry down and he comes running around to greet him. Remus picks him up with an ‘umph’ noise.

”Hiya Harry” he smiles, ruffling his nephew's hair. He then looks to Sirius and says “Hey to you too.”

Sirius is wearing grey joggers. GREY JOGGERS. Remus’ mind goes blank, and he’s sure for a moment that he might be gawking at him. He tries not to look down at how perfectly they hang and cling to all the right places. His hair is tied back this time too, highlighting the sharp angles of his face. 

Sirius looks like he might say something, but Harry has other ideas because he starts to pull at Remus’ tie, giggling happily as he does. “Uncle Mus, come to play?”

“I have Harry” Remus says “Shall we go back inside?”

He puts Harry down gently and lets him run ahead. An almost awkwardness settles between them as they both watch the far too energetic two year old races ahead, giggling to himself. 

Sirius turns to him then and says “Sorry if we disturbed you, Harry couldn’t wait any longer.”

“It’s alright” Remus replies “You’re here early.”

Sirius smiles, “I’ve been looking forward to this all week, if I’m honest.”

“You have?” 

“I had a lot of fun last week.” Sirius tells him just as they approach the door, before he steps in though, he turns to Remus and asks “Are you alright, you seem a little sad?”

Remus does his best to smile convincingly “I just had a bit of bad news, I’m okay though.”

“Promise?”

Remus looks at the genuineness on Sirius’ face and says “Promise.” 

Sirius grins and walks off into the house, leaving Remus alone in the entryway to take off his jacket and his shoes. He stands there for a moment, takes a breath and lets out a shaky exhale. What the fuck is wrong with him? He stares in the direction Sirius just walked off and he thinks that Sirius Black in joggers might somehow be the most attractive thing he’s ever seen. 

‘UNCLE MUS!” Harry calls impatiently from the kitchen. 

Remus laughs to himself, quickly takes off his shoes and puts his briefcase down. When he gets into the kitchen, there's already a coffee waiting for him (James decided he was allowed coffee this time, because he clearly needed it) and Sirius was already sitting on the playing mat with a very expectant Harry. 

“Uncle Mus, look, Moony and Padfoot are in trouble.” He explains, his little hands pointing at the dog and the wolf trapped in some sort of lego house. Remus doesn’t pretend to understand. 

“Oh no” He says, trying not to think about how relevant that is to his and Padfoot's own situation. “How can we help them?”

Whilst Harry rambles on about possible ways to help them, Remus glances over at Sirius to find that Sirius isn’t watching Harry at all, but has been watching him the whole time. He doesn’t look away when Remus notices, they just stare at each other for a moment. 

Lily comes over then and squeezes his shoulder, she leans into his ear and whispers “Troubles with mystery man?”

Remus nods “I think it's done” He whispers. 

She squeezes his shoulder again “I’m sorry Rem.”

When Lily walks away and he looks back to Sirius, Sirius still hasn’t looked away. He has an unreadable expression on his face which looks much like hurt, perhaps even jealousy. Remus thinks that he’s delusional for thinking these things. 

“Mus!” Harry says to get his attention again “You away with fairies.”

James belly laughs from where he’s standing by the kitchen island “You’ve been told Remus.”

“Sorry Harry. Will you forgive me?” He says he looks around at Harry's toys and picks up a deer “I think I know how we can save Moony and Padfoot!”

“Yes! Prongs!” Harry cries out, grabbing the toy deer and galloping him over to the lego house. 

“Looks like you James” Sirius laughs, holding it up for his friend to see. 

“It does!” Lily agrees. 

“It does not!” James insists.

Minutes later, Moony and Padfoot have been saved by Prongs and all three of them are having a BBQ at Harry's toy caravan, which was Sirius’ brilliant idea. Then, Harry gets bored and leaves the two of them alone on the mat. 

“I decided on my favourite book, by the way” Sirius says.

“Tell me” Remus smiles. 

“The Picture Of Dorian Gray” 

Remus is sure that his jaw drops at this. He’s sure of it. 

“I like that one too” He manages “What makes it your favourite?”

“I guess I just relate to the way that he’s battling between his own tensions and wants and then what society wants from him” 

If Remus’ jaw hadn’t dropped before. It definitely has now. Did Sirius just say he relates to Dorian Gray? The novel that’s basically a coded reflection of repression, temptation, and hidden desires? Remus feels like the air has been sucked out of the room. He tries not to read too much into it, but how can he not?

“That’s…” Remus swallows hard, trying to keep his voice steady, “I understand what you mean” 

Sirius leans back, his posture relaxed but his eyes sharp, watching Remus with an intensity that makes him feel exposed. “It’s just a good book,” Sirius adds, his lips twitching into a slight smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Makes you think, you know?”

Remus chuckles awkwardly, fiddling with the corner of the play mat. “Yeah. Definitely makes you think.” He can barely focus on what’s happening around him. Harry is off in the corner, Lily and James are chatting, but Remus feels like he’s in a bubble of tension with Sirius, a bubble that could pop at any moment if they aren’t careful.

He clears his throat, trying to break the spell. “I always thought Dorian was a bit tragic,” Remus muses, his voice softer now, more introspective. “He’s torn between who he wants to be and who he thinks he has to be. It’s… sad, really.”

Sirius watches him for a long moment, his eyes searching Remus’ face like he’s trying to figure something out. “Yeah,” he agrees quietly. “It is sad.”

For a moment, the two of them just sit there, the silence heavy but not uncomfortable.

Lily calls out and asks them “What do we fancy for dinner tonight?”

Sirius looks away first, the moment slipping through Remus’ fingers like sand.

Remus stands up “It’s my treat this time, remember?”

“Only Sirius agreed to that, not us” James reminds him “I actually kind of fancy an Italian. We could go to Petes?”

“Oh yes!” Lily grins “I love Petes. Let's go there.”

Sirius looks anxious, so he asks “Won’t people see us?”

James immediately understands “Petes got a private upstairs bit, I can call up to try and reserve it?”

Sirius nods “I’m down then.”

They all turn to Remus expectantly, he shrugs “I’ve never had it before.”

Lily gasps, so does James. Harry mocks them from the corner of the room. 

“It’s a no brainer then” Lily says “We need to take your Petes virginity.”

Half an hour later, they were in the upstairs room at Petes. It was far too fancy compared to anything Remus was used to. If they hadn’t been away from everybody upstairs, he might’ve felt completely out of place. It's a charming restaurant, soft lighting and warm wood tones – far more upscale to anything he’s used to. 

He fiddles with the corner of his napkin, looking down at his menu. He tries to relax, but every now and then he catches Sirius watching him and every time their eyes meet he feels his own heart stop. 

“What are you getting?” Lily asks him. 

“Er… I don’t know. Maybe the carbonara.” Remus tells her. 

“You’d like the rusticana I think” Lily points to his menu. He would, he’s considered it. But it's twenty five pounds for a pasta and he knows he can’t afford that along with the wine and the appetisers. Lily seems to notice this and says “Rem, we’re paying, don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not a charity Lils” He grumbles. 

“I don’t consider it charity” She says firmly “I’m treating a friend whose had a shitty day to a bit of pasta.”

Pete himself comes up to take their order. He greets James and Lily like old friends. Harry squeals when he sees him because Pete has brought him up a balloon animal – a rat of all animals. He’s a friendly man, with a warm and jovial presence. Remus was quite impressed that he’d even managed to make a rat out of a balloon. 

He shakes Sirius’ hand first and says “Nice to see you again mate.”

“You too Pete, business looks good” Sirius replies. 

“It’s been absolutely manic,” Pete complains. He then turns to Remus and says “I’ve never met you before.”

“I’m Remus” He says, Pete shakes his hand just as enthusiastically as he did with everybody else. 

“Pete. Good to meet you. Are you a footballer too?” 

Lily bursts out laughing, slapping her knee. James chuckles to himself too. Sirius doesn’t react at all, he looks at Lily and James with confusion. Remus feels his cheeks go pink “Definitely not a footballer. I work with Lily.”

“A teacher! Very impressive.” Pete smiles, patting him on the back. 

“What’s so funny?” Sirius asks Lily, a challenging look on his face.

“Remus is awful at football.” She tells Sirius “His legs are far too long.”

“I think his legs are just fine.” Sirius says sharply “I don’t think it's very kind for you to laugh.”

“I-” Remus begins, but Lily interrupts him.

“It’s funny Sirius.” She says. 

The table goes quiet for a moment after Lily’s response. The air seems to tighten with an odd tension, and Remus feels his face heat up even more. He tries to laugh it off, but there’s something about the way Sirius is looking at Lily that makes his stomach twist. It’s protective—almost too protective.

Sirius clears his throat, sitting back in his chair with a frown. "It’s just… I didn’t think it was that funny," he mutters, crossing his arms.

Lily, noticing the shift in Sirius’ mood, softens her tone. “I didn’t mean anything by it, Sirius. We just like to tease him sometimes. Remus knows that.” She glances at Remus for confirmation, her expression more cautious now.

Remus forces a small smile, though the awkwardness still hangs between them. “Yeah, it’s fine,” he reassures, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m rubbish at football, it’s not exactly a secret.”

Sirius relaxes slightly but still looks a little unsettled. Pete, sensing the tension too, steps in with his easy going demeanour, clearly trying to smooth things over. "Well, you’re in good company, Remus. I’m terrible at it too," Pete says with a wink. "But hey, we can’t all be footballers, right? We need smart people like teachers to keep us in line.”

His lighthearted remark seems to diffuse the awkwardness a bit. Lily flashes Pete a grateful smile, and James starts talking about something Harry did earlier that day, effectively shifting the focus of the conversation. 

Remus risks a glance at Sirius. His jaw is tense and he’s looking away from the table. He sees Sirius take in a sharp intake of breath before he puts on a smile and joins in the conversation. 

Pete leaves and returns with the wine, pouring generously into everyone’s glasses before giving Harry a cheeky wink and sliding over a small glass of apple juice just for him. Harry beams, holding it up like it’s the finest wine in the world.

Remus does get the rusticana, and it is delicious but he’s got a slight sick feeling in his stomach that doesn’t go away. He doesn’t get an appetiser, not like the others, but Sirius offers him a bit of his garlic bread and he accepts with a thank you and a smile. 

Afterwards, they pay and promise to come back and see Pete soon. They try to tip, but Peter looks at them and says “Friends don’t tip friends” and gives the money back. 

Sirius and Remus get into the back with Harry, his little hands still clutching his rat balloon. Their shoulders and legs are pushed up together and every slight movement sends a jolt of electricity through Remus. He feels claustrophobic, yet he simultaneously wants him even closer. 

Sirius is unusually quiet, he looks out of the window for most of the short drive, only speaking when spoken to. Until he turns to Remus and asks;

“Will you let me drive you home today?”

“I’m happy to get the bus.”

“Please Remus?” Sirius pleads.

Remus hesitates but agrees “Okay… If you’re sure.”

Sirius nods, his lips curving into a small, relieved smile. “I’m sure.”

Remus turns away and looks at Harry “Has the rat got a name?”

“Wormtail!” He says. Remus wonders where on earth he gets these names from. 

It's late when they get back to the Potter house. Harry goes straight to bed and Lily can’t stop yawning. Sirius and Remus know when to excuse themselves, so when James gets back downstairs after putting Harry to sleep, they both stand up to say their goodbyes. 

“Thank you for dinner tonight” Remus hugs Lily, and then James. Sirius does much of the same, but Remus’ notices James lean in and whisper something to him. He wonders if it’s about Sirius’ disagreement with Lily, but he doesn’t ask. 

“See you both next week!” James waves from the door as the two men head to Sirius’ car.

Of course he has a nice car, far nicer than anything Remus had ever been in before. Until this moment, Lily's car was the nicest he’d been in. Sirius has a sleek looking black Porsche with four doors and a strong smell of cherry when you enter. He’s sure it costs more than his flat does a year, and that's on London rent rates. 

“I feel a bit out of place in here” Remus laughs awkwardly whilst he puts his seatbelt on “It’s such a nice car.”

“It’s my favourite” Sirius smiles “I was hoping you’d say yes so I could show it off.”

“You could probably show up in a Corsa and I’d be impressed” 

“Do you have a car?” Sirius asks.

“Er, no” Remus admits “If I’m honest, I had an accident when I was younger and I haven’t driven since. I wish I still did but now I live in London I don’t see the point, public transport is great here.”

“Was it bad, the accident?”

Remus doesn’t go into the depths of it. “It wasn’t awful, it just shook me up a bit.”

Telling the truth, it had been quite awful. He was driving alone, down the country roads back in whales. He’d just been with a friend and he’s hardly passed a year before this. He was eighteen and not as observant as he should’ve been, focusing more on the song playing than looking out at the road ahead. 

An animal ran out, he wasn’t even sure what it was. It was one of those details that the trauma just blocks out. He tried to swerve it but it was winter and the roads were quite icey. Honestly, it's all a blur after that. The car flipped, he hit his head. He was unconscious when they found him, blood dripping down his face. 

He broke an arm and it’s the reason he still has issues with his hip. He now has a scar on the top of his forehead that his hair luckily hides. He was lucky, the doctors said. For a crash as bad as his he’d gotten away almost unharmed. It was his mental health that was impacted the most. He struggled to get into a car without panicking at first. Therapy helped, but even now he needs to distract himself in order not to think about what could happen. 

“I’m sorry you went through that” Sirius says sincerely, he then shoots him a small smile before starting the car and turning his eyes towards the road. 

Remus doesn’t know what else to say, so he changes the subject completely. “Do you have practice in the morning?” 

Sirius nods, still focusing on driving “Unfortunately. We only get Sundays off now, since the Euros are so close.”

“Are you nervous about them?”

“A bit” Sirius admits “I guess it’s a lot of pressure which is quite nerve wracking, but honestly, the Euros are always so much fun. I get to see a lot of my friends who I don’t get to see too much and it’s quite nice to just be away. Even though I’ve got to work we still get time to go and explore wherever we are.”

“I’m quite jealous of you three” Remus admits “I’ve been wanting to go to Rome for a while.”

They’re stopped at a traffic light, so Sirius turns to him and says “You could come with me.”

“What do you mean?” Remus asks, dumbfounded “To the Euros?”

“Yes!” Sirius says excitedly “My brother pulled out a week or so ago, he can't get away from work. I was just going to go alone, but it would be such a waste, wouldn’t it?”

They’re beeped by the car behind because Sirius hadn’t noticed the light turn green. He puts his attention back to the road but doesn’t stop speaking. “I know I haven’t known you long, and I’d understand if you’d feel awkward. We could ask for separate rooms and I wouldn’t be offended if you just went off and did your own thing but—”

“Yes” Remus interrupts him. He knows he’s jumping the gun. Going to the Euros with a man who is quite literally the most attractive person he’s laid eyes on. He hardly even trusts himself not to jump Sirius’ bones at any waking second. But the idea of going to Rome with him, to visit a city he’s wanted to for so long. To spend an extra few weeks with Lily, Harry and James. 

Sirius seems shocked by how quickly Remus agreed “You’ll come? Really?”

“Yes,” Remus grins, “I’d love to.”

Sirius grins now too “I can’t wait to tell James, this will be brilliant!”

“Are you really sure?” Remus double checks “Is there nobody else you’d like to bring?”

“I’m sure” Sirius insists “I want you to come with me.”

Remus is sure he’s blushing a bright shade of pink. His cheeks feel hot and he can’t help but feel like a giddy schoolgirl. He looks at Sirius, who looks ridiculously fit whilst he’s driving, and just can’t help but let out a small laugh. 

“What is it?” Sirius asks him, risking him a glance. 

“This is all very impulsive” He admits “I’m the least impulsive person ever.”

“I’m always impulsive” Sirius says “Perhaps we’ll balance eachother out.”

“Perhaps” Remus smiles, leaning back in his chair and looking out of the window. He’s fucked, well and truly fucked. He needs this infatuation with Sirius to end before their trip, otherwise it’s going to be the most painful, longing weeks of his life.

When they get to Remus’ flat twenty minutes or so later, Sirius parks up and Remus readies his things to leave. He undoes his seatbelt and leans down to gather his things from under the glovebox in front of him. 

“I’ll need to get some information and stuff from you in the next few weeks to send to the team organisers.” Sirius says “Would I be able to grab your number?”

“I- Yeah of course” Remus stumbles over his words. 

Sirius pulls one phone out of his pocket and then immediately shoves it back in “That's my work phone” He tells Remus “I’ll give you my personal number.”

They exchange numbers and afterwards they sit in a slight awkward silence. Remus knows that he needs to leave, but he doesn’t quite want to. 

Feeling bold he asks “You wouldn’t happen to want to come in? I’ve got tea, or hot chocolate”

“I would yeah” Sirius admits with a smile “A hot chocolate sounds great.”

Remus feels giddy as the two of them walk up the stairs to his flat. He makes sure that Sirius checks his car is one hundred percent locked and he mentions multiple times not to expect too much from his flat. They get in without anybody from the building seeing Sirius, which was the main challenge of it all. Once they are in, Remus closes and locks the door behind them. 

Sirius stands in the same spot for a second, his eyes glancing around the flat. You can see most of it from the doorway. The living room and the kitchen are all part of the same room. He left his bedroom door open that morning so Sirius can likely also see straight into there. 

“Your home is lovely” Sirius says.

“Thank you” Remus says with a smile. He walks off towards the kitchen and pulls two mugs out from his shelf. One is a best teacher mug and one is a silly mug that his mum had given him from her holiday in Zante last year which says ‘I heart Zante’ on it. He gives Sirius the best teacher one. 

Sirius follows him in and stands awkwardly behind him. Remus turns and says “Make yourself comfortable. You can find something to watch on the telly if you’d like.”

“Okay” Sirius smiles, he's distracted, looking at something else “Your wine collection is amazing.”

Remus follows his eyeline to the small collection he had growing on the top of his fridge. They’re mostly gifts that he’s been saving for nicer occasions. “We can open a bottle instead if you’d like.”

Sirius looks pained when he says “I shouldn’t. I’m driving.” Remus raises an eyebrow at him, and Sirius cracks. “I guess I could get a car home.”

Remus moves to put the mugs back into the cupboard “Pick whichever one you’d like.”

He goes for a Merlot, actually one of the cheapest ones. Remus had brought it from tesco that week. “This is one of my favourites,” Sirius says. 

“Mine too” Remus grins. He gets two glasses out instead and the two of them head over to the sofa. 

Sirius pours both of their wines, a healthy amount in each glass. He then puts the bottle onto the table and leans back, truly making himself comfortable. They both sit in a corner of the sofa, a respectable gap between them. 

It's about half past ten now. “God, I’ve not had a late night like this in months.” He admits.

“Me too” Sirius complains “Moodys been a lot stricter with our dos and don’ts recently, if he found out that I’ve scoffed a huge pizza and drank wine he might kill me.”

Remus laughs “I couldn’t live like that. I love carbs too much.”

“I won’t be going to Rome and not be eating a shit ton of carbs” Sirius admits “Euros can be damned.”

“We can smuggle you pizza and pasta” Remus says, taking a sip afterwards.

“I’m really excited” Sirius says “It’s going to be fun with the four of us, and Harry too.”

“Harrys going to love all of the attention” Remus points out. 

“Oh yeah, definitely” Sirius agrees “The team loves him, even Moody gives him a cuddle every so often.”

Remus laughs “I’m sure that's a picture and a half.”

Sirius hums and turns his attention to look around the living room. His bookshelf, his rug, his coffee table, his desk. “Your flat is so… you.”

“Is it?”

Sirius nods “Sometimes I feel like my flats too… I don’t know, modern? It’s not really me, do you know what I mean?”

“Make it you then” Remus says “Get some posters or plants or some shit like that.”

“Maybe” Sirius says “I just never get around to doing it.”

“We can shop online now if you’d like?”

Sirius thinks about it and then says “Fuck it, why not.”

Remus gets his laptop out of his briefcase which he had left by the door and he settles back down on the sofa. They’re sitting closer now, so that they can both look at the screen. Sirius has the laptop on his lap and Remus is leaning slightly to look at the website Sirius is scrolling through. 

“That’s nice” Remus points out, it’s a rug which costs far more than he could ever imagine spending on a rug. But it’s colourful and he can tell that Sirius likes it because he’s been hovering the cursor over it for longer than the others. 

“You think so?” Sirius asks and Remus nods to show that he does “I’ll get it then.” He adds it to his basket. 

The longer that they shop, the less concerned Remus comes with making sure that he keeps distance between him and Sirius. They gravitate closer and now their thighs are pressed up together and their shoulders too. It feels natural and neither of them bat an eyelid at it, they continue to shop and talk until Sirius’ basket is full of new decorations for his flat. 

The wine is almost finished and Remus feels tipsy. He isn’t drunk but he is far more giggly than he had been an hour or so earlier. 

“Thank you for sticking up for me earlier” Remus says at one point “I know that Lily meant nothing by it, but it was quite nice to have somebody defend me.”

“It’s okay” Sirius smiles “I just knew that you were quite upset about something already and it’s never nice to have people laugh at you when you’re feeling like that.”

“Yeah” Remus says quietly “I can say that you’ve definitely distracted me tonight, I feel much better.”

“I’m glad” Sirius says “And for the record, I think your legs are just fine. Perfect even.”

Remus looks at him and it seems as if a moment passes between them. He’s drunk and he doesn’t think about the reality of it all. Sirius is straight and definitely not interested in him, but it feels like flirting. It feels like Sirius likes him and he can’t shake that feeling. Brown eyes meet with grey and they stay like that for a moment. 

“Thank you” Remus says again, a softer, quieter tone. 

“You’re welcome” Sirius says, matching Remus’ tone. 

Their eyes don’t move apart, they continue to stare at eachother and when Remus sees Sirius lick his bottom lip, it’s almost over for him. His eyes flicker down to Sirius’ lips instead and when he looks back up to Sirius’ eyes a moment later, he sees Sirius’ still watching him with a knowing look in his eyes. 

It’s intimate. It's severely tense. He wants nothing more than to crash their lips together, to push Sirius back on the sofa and kiss him until the sun rises. 

But Sirius looks away and the moment is gone. 

“I should probably head off,” He says after a moment. He doesn’t move to stand up though. 

“I-You could stay if you wanted” Remus manages to say, his brian still running at a hundred miles an hour about what the fuck had just happened. “The erm, the sofa pulls out.”

Sirius considers it “Are you sure? I’d be up early, I wouldn’t want to wake you.”

“I could sleep through the apocalypse after a week at work” Remus shuffles away slightly, moving away so that they’re not touching anymore. Sirius watches him with an unreadable expression. “I promise you won’t wake me.”

“Okay” Sirius agrees “That would be lovely, thank you.”

Remus makes a move to stand up “I should probably let you sleep. Do you need anything else?”

Sirius shakes his head ‘I’ll be alright. Thank you Remus.”

“Don’t worry about it” Remus smiles “I’ll see you next friday?”

“Of course” Sirius grins “Goodnight Remus.”

“Goodnight Sirius” Remus says before leaving the room. 

He goes into his bedroom and when the door is finally shut he lets himself react to what had just happened. He covered his smiling face with his hands and let out a groan. The groan of a gay man who knows he's deluding himself into thinking Sirius fancies him. 

It’s not until he lays on his bed and picks up his phone that he remembered what had happened with Padfoot. There's a few messages from him that he hadn’t seen. His smile vanishes and his stomach is filled with an unexplainable feeling again. 

(Padfoot):

Please Moony 

I don’t want this to end 

The best part of my day is texting you 

He stares at his phone for a moment, blinking. He feels the same way, he knows that he does and it hurts that he knows Padfoot feels the same way. He doesn’t understand and he doesn’t know that he wants to keep messaging Padfoot despite there being no possibility of them meeting. It would all be for nothing. 

It makes him laugh in spite of himself. Padfoot and now Sirius, two men that he cannot have. 

(Moony):

It's the best part of mine too

But I don’t understand what this is between us

(Padfoot):

I thought you were never going to respond to me 

I don’t understand either

But I’m willing for it to be whatever it needs to be, as long as I can keep talking to you

(Moony):

Sorry, I’ve been busy all night

I also just didn’t know what to say to you

It’s a bit embarrassing for me

I told my friend about you and how I wanted to meet you

And then this happened 

I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me sooner

(Padfoot):

I’m sorry I should’ve 

I was scared you’d stop speaking to me

But I understand that it was selfish of me to keep it from you

(Moony):

It was 

I just wish you’d have told me

I’d have kept talking to you, but just as friends

(Padfoot):

Is it too late to go back to friends?

(Moony):

The sex jokes would need to stop

And you can’t flirt with me 

(Padfoot):

I’m willing to try

As long as I can still talk to you

(Moony):

Friends then

(Padfoot):

What did you do this evening?

(Moony):

Dinner with some friends again

And then one of them came back to mine for a while

It was fun actually 

(Padfoot):

The hardest part about this will be trying not to be jealous 

SBUDBDIBBD

Your friday dinners sound fun

(Moony):

They keep me sane lol

(Padfoot):

Was the person that came to yours just a friend or….?

(Moony):

I guess it’s complicated 

(Padfoot):

What do you mean?

(Moony):

I fancy the shit out of him

But he's straight

(Padfoot):

Fuck

That's the worst

I’m sorry Moony

(Moony):

The worst part is that we keep having these moments

I swear we almost kissed today

(Padfoot):

Is there a chance that he might not be straight?

(Moony):

My other friend has made it quite clear that he is

She knows I’m being silly

(Padfoot):

Has he told you himself?

(Moony):

I guess not explicitly 

But he’s given me no reason to think that he isn’t

(Padfoot):

Aside from the small moments you keep having?

(Moony):

I don’t know

It’s all so complicated 

And I’m tired 

And a bit tipsy

He’s sleeping on my sofa

(Padfoot):

Moony! 

He's staying with you?

(Moony):

It’s not like he’s in my bed

He just couldn’t drive home because he’d had too much wine

(Padfoot):

He couldn’t have ubered?

(Moony):

I probably shouldn’t be telling you this

But he’s actually quite famous

Like far too famous to take an uber

He’d had to have hired a car service and even they aren’t 100% trustworthy

(Padfoot):

FAMOUS??!!

How famous are we talking 

(Moony):

He plays for the England football team…

That's all I’m giving you

(Padfoot):

Fuck me 

A footballer 

I love football actually

And they’re all so hot

I don’t envy your situation Moony 

I wouldn’t be able to stop myself 

(Moony):

Trust me

It’s difficult 

He’s so beautiful 

And he's kind too 

And funny 

He actually invited me to go to the Euros with him

(Padfoot):

And you’re trying to tell me he doesn’t fancy you?

(Moony):

I’m too tired to even think about this 

It hurts my brain

(Padfoot):

I’ll let you sleep

But we’re picking this up in the morning

I need to hear more about your beautiful footballer 

(Moony):

Okay fine

I won’t tell you who he is though

(Padfoot):

Deal 

Goodnight Moons x

I really am sorry

Thank you for giving me a second chance 

(Moony):

Goodnight FRIEND x

Chapter Text

The morning after, when Remus woke up to see that Sirius was gone, he did his best to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach. He knew Sirius had early practice, yet he still felt disappointed that he didn’t wake up to Sirius still lying on his sofa with his black hair sprawled out on his cushions. 

That night, fuck, it messed with Remus’ head. They were going to kiss, he knew that much was true. The way that Sirius’ eyes had darkened when he had caught Remus looking at his lips. The flicker of want that spread across his face. The fact that it had taken him so long to simply look away. 

He hasn’t told anybody but Padfoot. He can't. What is he supposed to say? “Hey Lily, you know your husband's best friend who you’ve explicitly told me is straight multiple times? Yeah we almost kissed.” Lily might call him delusional and then worry that he’s getting himself in too deep with his small crush.

It’s pretty clear already that he’s in too deep. The almost kiss, or whatever it was, fuelled any feelings that he already had. Before he could play it off as sexual attraction. Sirius is an attractive man, anybody can see that. But now he likes Sirius for Sirius. He wants to dissect every inch of him to get to know him inside and out. 

Many weeks have passed since that night, turning from late May into early July. The Euros are three weeks away and Remus couldn’t possibly be in more deep than he already is. 

The shared glances, the private smiles, the intimate moments that they share that feel so small that they’re almost invisible. He notices them. He feels them. 

It’s dangerous territory and he knows it. He’s limited it down to three scenarios. 

1. Sirius is genuinely straight and he is oblivious to everything going on between them. 
2. Sirius is into men, but he’s closeted and he can’t openly make advances on Remus 
3. Sirius is into men, closeted and the almost kiss was a one off because he actually isn’t interested in Remus at all

Whichever it is, he’s fucked and he’s most likely going to get hurt. 

Sirius still comes to every Friday dinner and it’s become part of the routine that he’ll drive Remus home afterwards. Remus lets him because he’s honestly not strong enough to say no. He knows that he should, but flirting with Sirius feels too good. 

Sometimes, he’ll convince himself that he’s being silly and he’s imagining it all. But then he’ll see him for Friday dinner, and he’ll notice the way that Sirius’ eyes travel him when he thinks Remus isn’t looking his way. It’s intoxicating being around him. 

He’s never felt a want for somebody so strongly in his life. 

With only two weeks left until the end of term, exams have taken over each of their lives. In classes they’re revising exam content, at lunchtimes they’re hosting revision sessions, after school they’re marking mock papers and answering panicked emails. 

He’s tired and he quite frankly can’t wait until he’s on a plane to jet off to Rome for a month and a half. 

Through a stroke of luck, both Remus and Lily manage to have Wednesday lunches off from revision sessions. Each week Lily will come to his classroom and they’ll eat their packed lunches together hunched over Remus’ desk with a coffee each on hand. 

“Have you considered online dating?” Lily asks him. 

“No I haven’t” He says bluntly “I don’t think it’s my thing.”

“It’s how most people meet nowadays” She says, speaking as if she’s a fifty year old woman when she’s really just twenty seven. “You should give it a go.”

“Maybe” He shrugs, but they both know it's a firm no. “I just think that if you’re destined to meet somebody, you’ll meet them without a dating app.”

She smiles, “That’s a nice way to think about it.”

He hopes that it’s true.

“Do you want the other half of my muffin?” She asks him after a few minutes of comfortable silence. 

“Obviously” He accepts. 

She rips it apart and passes him his half, once she’s done it, she says “I’m trying to persuade James to get Sirius to bring his new girlfriend to dinner on Friday.”

It feels as if everything pauses when she says it. His stomach feels funny and he’s struggling to keep a neutral emotion on his face. He didn’t know, nobody had told him. He immediately feels like a fool, a wave of embarrassment drowning him. 

“Girlfriend?” He says in the most normal tone that he can muster in this moment. 

“I’m not sure if they’re actually together to be honest, but they’ve been pictured together a bunch recently and apparently her management put out a statement that they’ve been on a few dates together” Lily explains “Mary Macdonald? I’m not sure if you’ve heard of her but she’s bloody gorgeous.”

Remus knows who she is and he feels his stomach drop further. She is gorgeous, beautiful outside and in. She's a model, but he knows her better for the charity work that she carries out across the country. She’s generous and kind and he doesn’t understand how he’s managed to persuade himself that he could ever compete with the likes of her. 

“Oh really?” Remus says, clearly failing to seem happy for their friend. 

Lily shows him a photo on her phone of the two of them. It’s posted in the daily mail and they’re sitting in a restaurant holding hands. He’s looking at her whilst she talks and he can’t help but notice the intimacy of it all. He’s looking at her the same way he looks at Remus sometimes. The way that makes you feel as if you’re the most important person on earth. 

“Sorry to burst your bubble Rem, I know you’ve got a bit of a crush on him.” She says in a joking manner. 

He swallows hard before he says “It’s alright, I knew it would never happen anyway.”

He finds a way to excuse himself after that, heading to the toilet and locking himself in. He leans up against the door and his head falls back against it, his eyes pressed shut. He massages his forehead and internally calls himself an idiot over and over and over again until he’s so sick of his own voice that he has to tell himself to shut up. 

He breathes heavily and he doesn’t leave the bathroom until he calms down. 

“Are you alright?” Lily asks him when he gets back into his classroom. 

“Just a headache” He lies. 

She nods in understanding and starts to pack up her things “I’ll give you some time alone. Take some paracetamol.”

“I will” He tells her and then she leaves, closing the door behind herself. 

(Moony):

He’s got a girlfriend

(Padfoot):

Who?

(Moony):

The footballer 

My friend told me today 

(Padfoot):

Are you sure?

It might be fake 

Celebrities have fake relationships all the time

(Moony):

I’m pretty sure it’s real

My friend wants him to invite her to the friday dinners 

Seems pretty real to me

(Padfoot):

You could ask him?

(Moony):

I think I just want to move on

(Padfoot):

I don’t think you should

It seemed like he really liked you 

(Moony):

Stop endorsing it Pads 

It’s not going to happen

(Padfoot):

Okay 

Sorry 

Are you okay?

(Moony):

I’ll be okay

By Friday, he’s got a clearer head. After he’d gotten home from work that night, he’d shamelessly googled Sirius and Mary, reading every article and looking at every photo whilst listening to a random sad playlist on spotify which was, in all honesty, 80% Phoebe Bridgers. It hadn’t made him feel any better, but in some weird way, it gave him clarity. 

He knew now that he was wrong. Sirius doesn’t like him. There weren't any moments between them. They didn’t nearly kiss. He was wrong.

He comes into work and he goes straight to the staffroom. It’s empty which he’s thankful for. He gets a mug from the cupboard and the instant coffee from the side. He flicks the kettle on and waits awkwardly for it to boil. 

“Go out with me.”

His attention snaps from his mug to the doorway, he blinks harshly. “Sorry?”

“Go out with me on Saturday” Benji repeats himself, a strong sense of conviction which makes Remus’ cheeks feel hot. 

He thinks about it, his mind racing, thinking of every possible scenario. But then he stops himself, and he thinks, fuck it, and says “What time?”

Benji grins “I’ll get you at seven.”

He’s definitely blushing when he responds “Okay. Cool.”

Benji's attractive, smart, interesting, and kind. They’ve got things in common and they never struggle for conversation. Most importantly, he’s available, emotionally and physically. He wants Remus and he makes that clear. He doesn’t need to second guess his every move to understand what it actually means. It’s simple and it makes sense. 

“Do you think I’m using him?” He asks Lily later.

“No” She says firmly “You think he’s fit, right?”

“Definitely” He answers.

“And you want to get to know him better?”

“Yes.”

“That’s what matters, doesn’t it? He’s not gotten down on one knee and asked you to marry him Rem. You don’t even need to go on a second date.” She tells him.

“You’re right,” He smiles “I’m quite excited actually.”

“I’ve always been rooting for Benji” She grins “I think you’d be good together.”

They pull into the driveway of Lily's home and like usual Harry and James are waiting for them in the doorway. Sirius’ car isn’t in the driveway yet, like it usually is, but Remus doesn’t think much about it. 

Harry bolts out when they step out of the car and James lets go of the back of his t-shirt. He’s recently taking up to running at every possible chance. He likes to sprint and jump and sometimes just throw himself on the floor which is tiring for Lily and James but extremely entertaining for Uncle Remus. 

“Uncle Mus!” He cries, launching himself into Remus’ legs and wrapping his arms around them. 

“Hiya Harry” Remus grins, messing up the boy's unruly dark hair. 

Harry giggles before launching himself at the back of his mum's legs. Lily, who had been hugging James, laughs and turns to give her son the attention that he wants.

“No Sirius yet?” Lily asks James. 

James frowns “Not yet. He’s been caught up with Walburga all day, it’s been quite rough for him.”

Lily squeezes her husband's shoulder “He’ll be alright. I don’t suppose you managed to persuade him to bring that girlfriend of his?”

James looks at Remus when she says that, he’s not sure why, but he quickly looks away to say “I don’t think so, no.” 

It suddenly occurs to Remus that if Sirius has a girlfriend, does his invite to Rome still stand? The thought of not coming now makes him feel slightly sick, he’s been so excited and he and Lily have been making plans to fill up the weeks. But surely Sirius would rather his girlfriend be there?

He’s ripped from the thought of it when Harry tugs on his hand to try and get him to follow. “I have new books, Uncle Rus.”

He blinks at the young boy for a moment, unsure of what to say or do. But then he shakes it off and puts on a smile and a high cheery voice and asks “Would you like to read them together?”

Harry nods enthusiastically. 

That's what they’re doing when Sirius arrives. Remus is mid way through reading a sentence in a funny accent which makes Harry giggle when the bell rings and they’re both distracted. Harry immediately gets up and runs to the door to greet him, leaving Remus sat alone on the sofa with the childrens book open on his lap.

“Is that your recent read?” Sirius asks him with a cheeky grin when he comes into the room. Harrys got him by the hand, just like he had with Remus twenty minutes before. 

“Yep” Remus says “I love Larry the Lawnmower. Biggest fan.”

Harry sits back next to Remus, cuddling up to him. “Come and listen Uncle Rus.” He tells his uncle. 

“Okay” Sirius says, his eyes lingering on Remus for a moment. 

He sits down on the other side of Harry, who seems quite content sandwiched between the two men. It's enough to make Remus’ heart stutter, despite everything he’s tried to convince himself of over the past few days. Harry nudges him gently, impatiently waiting for the story to continue, so Remus shakes off the feeling and refocuses, picking up where he left off with Larry the Lawnmower.

Even as he reads, though, he’s acutely aware of Sirius in the room. Of his presence. The way he sits, casually leaning back, one arm draped over the back of the sofa. Lily and James watch them with soft smiles. Lily even takes a photo of the three of them cozying up together, cooing to her husband about how sweet it is. 

After the story’s finished, Harry claps his hands and asks for another. But Lily whisks him away for his dinner, despite how unhappy that makes him. 

“How’ve you been?” Sirius asks him. He doesn’t move his arm from the back of the sofa. 

“I’ve been okay,” Remus says with a small smile. “Is your, erm, girlfriend not coming tonight?”

“I– no.” Sirius says “I didn’t ask her.”

Remus nods, his lips pressed thinly together. “How long have you been together?”

“It’s complicated” Sirius says, he doesn’t elaborate. 

Remus hesitates asking, fiddling with his hands in his lap and his eyes darting around the room to look anywhere but at Sirius. “Do you still want me to come to Rome? I won’t mind if you’d rather your girlfriend go with you.”

Even though he isn’t looking at Sirius, he feels Sirius’ eyes on him. “Of course I do” He says firmly “You’re the only person I want there.”

Remus looks at him now, those deep grey eyes capturing him. “Okay” He says in an almost whisper. He doesn’t understand what it all means. 

They have chicken breast for dinner. Now that the Euros are closer, the takeaways have stopped and James has started cooking again. He somehow manages to make their strict diet into such tasteful means. He does far better than Remus could ever manage, but at the same time Remus would never put himself on a diet. He’s happy with his oven pizzas and ready meals.

The topic of Sirius’ girlfriend comes up again. Lily asks questions about her, each one Sirius brushes off. Remus wonders if he likes her at all. 

They discuss Rome, things they want to do and what they want to see. They’re aware that Sirius and James won’t have as much time as them to explore, so they’re doing their best to plan in the small amount of free days. 

When it’s over, Remus says “I better be off.”

Sirius looks up at him with a confused look, his eyebrow quirked. “Am I not driving you home tonight?”

“I’ll just get the bus tonight” Remus says “Save you the trip.”

Sirius looks like he wants to say something, but hesitates, his mouth opening and closing as if searching for the right words. Remus waits, heart pounding in his chest, but when Sirius finally speaks, he’s left disappointed. 

“Okay.”

They say their goodbyes and as he’s about to leave, Lily looks at him with a smirk and says “Enjoy your date tomorrow.”

“Date?” James asks.

Sirius, who had been staring down at his feet, looks up at Remus, his sharp eyes boring into him. 

“Er, yeah. With Benji.” Remus tells them, avoiding Sirius’ eyeline.

“You finally said yes then?” James looks surprised.

“Getting back in business, aren’t you?” Lily jokes, elbowing him playfully.

“I guess so,” He smiles. 

Sirius doesn’t say anything, he seems to be ignoring them all as he turns and walks away from the doorway, back into the living room. James frowns and follows after him. 

“Tell me everything on Monday” Lily says as she waves him off. 

(Moony):

I’ve got a date tomorrow 

This guy from work 

Padfoot doesn’t respond to him. He doesn’t think much of it as he falls asleep that night, perhaps he’s busy or he fell asleep early. But when it begins to get late on Saturday and he’s still not gotten a response, he starts to worry. Is he okay? Had he done something to offend him?

He texts Padfoot again just before Benji arrives 

(Moony):

Are you okay Pads?

He hasn’t gotten a response by the time there's a buzz at his door and Benji's downstairs waiting for him. He’s been nervously pacing around his flat for the last half an hour. He doesn’t know what they’re doing so he doesn’t know if he’s underdressed or overdressed. In all honesty he looks the same as he does every day, his usual teacher clothes. 

“Hi” Remus grins when he opens the building door and sees him. 

“Hi” Benji grins right back at him. 

He looks good. He’s in jeans and a dress shirt, similar but also so different to what he wears at work. He looks more himself like this. He's got his car keys dangling in his hand and his phone in the other. 

“I didn’t think you’d actually say yes, if I’m honest.” Benji admits. 

“I’m sorry that I didn’t sooner” Remus tells him. 

“My other attempts were all quite pathetic though, weren’t they?” Benji laughs to himself “I think the worst might’ve been when I asked to show off my coffee machine. Who do I think I am?”

Remus laughs too “I do quite like coffee though.”

“The machine isn’t even new” Benji says quietly, like it pains him to say “I literally lied. It’s a good thing you didn’t say yes because it’s about five years old and falling apart.”

Remus laughs even harder “Really?” 

“Yes,” Benji groans. 

Once Remus has stopped laughing, Benji looks at him and says “You look great by the way.”

“So do you” Remus flushes red. 

Benji smiles “Should we get going?”

Fifteen minutes later, they’re sitting in a small asian restaurant. Benji says that it’s the most authentic food he’s eaten in London and it’s the closest he can find to what his nonna makes him back home. It’s warm and cosy and everybody is welcoming and friendly. They’re immediately brought waters and asked about their days. They order a bottle of wine to share whilst they look at the menu. 

“I get the same thing everytime I come here,” Benji says, “I’m not great with change.”

“Which one is it?” Remus asks. 

“The pork belly ramen. It’s ridiculous” He points at it on the menu for Remus, who honestly is quite tempted by it. 

“Do you think I’d like it?” He asks.

“Definitely” Benji seems very sure of himself, so that's what Remus gets. 

Benji pours them both a glass of wine and the server comes back over to take their order. Once they’ve ordered he leans back in his chair, his expression relaxed yet curious as he takes a sip of his wine. “So,” he begins, his voice light, “Lily told me you’re going to Rome with them for the Euros, how did you swindle that?”

He feels like his heart is being squeezed at the mention of it. “Sirius invited me.”

“Sirius Black?” Benji gasps. 

“Er, yeah. He’s James’ best friend.” Remus says “His brother pulled out and I was in the right place at the right time I guess.”

“You’re friends with him?” Benji asks with a face of genuine shock. “Fuck I’m jealous. He’s fit.”

That hand squeezes tighter “Yeah we’re, erm, friends.” he says, but it sounds uncertain even to his own ears. He can feel his pulse in his throat, his stomach twisting with a mix of emotions he doesn't want to untangle right now.

Benji, thankfully, doesn’t seem to notice the hesitation. He leans back in his chair, still grinning. “Lucky you. I don’t think I’d be able to keep my cool around him.”

Remus forces a laugh, taking a sip of his wine to buy himself a moment. “It’s... not like that,” he tries again, but even saying it feels strange.

Benji shakes his head, smirking. “Well, if you ever get tired of him, send him my way, yeah?”

The joke is harmless, but Remus feels a pang of something sharp—jealousy? Or guilt? He brushes it aside, nodding with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

The rest of the evening passes in a blur of conversation and laughter, and Remus does his best to focus on Benji—on his easy charm, his relaxed smile, the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs. They talk about work, their favourite books, their go-to comfort meals. It’s all simple and pleasant. But in the back of his mind, Sirius lingers like a shadow, refusing to leave him alone.

He wishes Benji hadn’t said anything. He’d been having a great night until that moment, avoiding any thoughts of Sirius. Now he cannot stop the unsettled feeling in his stomach, like he’s doing something horribly wrong. He wishes it would pass so that he could get back to enjoying their date.

But the thought of Sirius Black is impossible to forget. 

As they finish their meals and sip the last of the wine, Benji reaches across the table, his hand brushing lightly against Remus’s. “I had a really good time tonight,” he says softly, his thumb tracing small circles on the back of Remus’s hand.

Remus looks down at their hands, feeling a warmth spread through him. Benji is sweet, funny, and kind—everything he should want. But even as he smiles back and murmurs, “Me too,” a part of him feels like it’s holding back, like there’s something missing.

They leave the restaurant, walking side by side in the cool evening air. Benji offers to drive him home, and Remus agrees, grateful for the short drive to give him time to gather his thoughts.

When they arrive at Remus’s building, Benji turns off the car but doesn’t make a move to get out. He probably doesn’t want to be presumptuous or make Remus uncomfortable, which he appreciates, but it makes him feel as if the balls in his court and he hates that. 

“Thank you, for tonight” Remus says with a smile.

“Thank you for coming,” Benji says right back. 

A silence falls amongst them, until Remus asks “Would you like to come in?”

Benji looks at Remus, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips, “Yeah, alright.”

It's a silent agreement between them both. The second Remus closes the door to his flat, Benji’s lips are on his, his hands on his waist, pulling him in closer. 

The kiss is intense, almost desperate. They stumble together, bumping into the hallway table, but neither of them stop. Benji’s mouth moves from Remus’s lips to his neck, leaving a trail of heat as his fingers slip under the hem of Remus’s shirt. Remus lets out a soft gasp, his head tilting back as Benji kisses along his jawline.

Remus nods, unable to form words. He leads them down the hall, their hands roaming over each other as they go. By the time they reach the bedroom, Remus’s shirt is halfway off, and Benji’s fingers are undoing the buttons of his own.

They barely make it to the bed, clothes discarded in a messy pile on the floor as they fall onto the mattress together. Benji’s hands are everywhere—strong, confident, and knowing—while Remus finds himself responding without thinking, his body moving in sync with Benji’s touch.

As they slow down, breathless and sated, Benji looks at Remus with a soft smile. “You okay?” he asks, his thumb brushing gently over Remus’s cheek.

Remus nods, but he feels a twinge of guilt. “Yeah,” he says, though it doesn’t sound as certain as it should.

Benji seems to sense it, his expression turning thoughtful. He leans back slightly, propping himself up on one elbow. “We can keep this simple, you know,” he says quietly, his gaze steady on Remus. “I know that you like him.”

“What?” Remus breathes out.

“Sirius,” Benji says. “You like him, don’t you?”

Remus blinks, surprised by the bluntness, but he nods. “I didn’t mean to—”

Benji shakes his head. “It’s fine. I just wanted to make sure you’re alright with... this.”

Remus meets his eyes, feeling a strange sense of relief wash over him. “I am,” he says softly. He looks away for a moment, and when he looks at Benji he says “I like you as well. It’s just complicated.”

“I get it” Benji tells him, running a hand down Remus’ bare stomach. He leans in to continue kissing at Remus’ jaw, and quickly all of the thoughts plaguing Remus’ mind dispersed and all he could think about was the feeling of hands and lips on him. 

It’s good. Better than good. Considering how long it's been since he last had sex, he thought it wouldn’t be the nicest. They take it slow, savouring the moment. Deep kisses, warm skin, soft touches. 

Afterwards, they lie there for a moment, both sweaty with heavy breathing. 

“I should probably go,” Benji says.

“Oh. Yeah. Okay” Remus answers, surprised at the disappointment it makes him feel. He can’t be upset though, it’s his own fault. 

Benji rummages around the room for his clothes, pulling his underwear back on and then his jeans. Remus watches him, still lying on the bed. He feels strangely exposed now, lying naked whilst the other man is almost fully clothed.

As Benji continues gathering his things, the room fills with an awkward sort of quiet. Remus stays still, propped up on one elbow, watching as Benji buttons his shirt, feeling a subtle shift in the atmosphere. There’s no tension, exactly, but there’s something lingering—unspoken and unaddressed—that makes Remus feel off-balance.

“I think we should just stay friends,” Benji says as he’s about to leave. He says it quite abruptly, like it bursts out of him “For now.”

Remus chews at his bottom lip “Because of him?”

Benji nods “I can’t put myself in the middle of it Rem. I’m sorry.”

“Okay” He says quietly “I’m sorry too.”

He likes Benji and he’d had a good night. He thought, maybe, they could work. That he could eventually forget about Sirius. But he knows it isn’t fair. He’s being selfish because Benji deserves somebody who wants him completely, and not just as an alternative. 

It upsets him because he feels so utterly unloveable at the moment.

He thought tonight would help him, make him feel better. And it worked, temporarily. But now he’s left feeling worse than he had before. 

He feels like shit. 

He puts on a brave face in front of Benji. He watches him leave, the click of the door closing behind him sounding louder than it should. The emptiness that follows feels heavy, settling over him like a suffocating blanket. He sits there for a long moment, the silence stretching out, staring blankly at the wall. 

(Moony):

I really need you Pads

Please

I’m sorry if I’ve done anything to upset you

Just please stop ignoring me

It’s a desperate plea. But he needs to talk to Padfoot. He needs somebody who he can talk to, perhaps even cry to. He’s not got many friends and he feels uncomfortable talking to Lily about it all because it puts her into an awkward situation. He doesn’t have anybody else. 

When Padfoot responds, almost instantly, he lets out a breath of relief. 

(Padfoot):

What's happened?

(Moony):

Hi

(Padfoot):

Hi

Sorry for ignoring you 

I was being a dick 

(Moony):

It’s okay

Thank you for replying now 

(Padfoot):

Did something happen with your date?

(Moony):

I guess 

It was really good and we had sex 

And I don’t know

I thought maybe I could see myself being with him

But he knows that I like somebody else

And he doesn’t want to get involved 

(Padfoot):

Oh Moons

I’m sorry 

(Moony):

It’s just so unfair 

I just want somebody to love me 

It sounds so stupid 

(Padfoot):

It doesn’t at all

You deserve that 

I’m sorry that it didn’t work out

(Moony):

Maybe I shouldn’t go to Rome

(Padfoot):

What would you do instead?

Sit at home and feel sorry for yourself?

It wouldn’t bring this other man back to you

And I’m sorry Moons

But from the sounds of it, you don’t like him as much as you like your footballer 

(Moony):

But he likes me and he wants a relationship with me

The footballer doesn’t

Don’t you think I should try and move on?

(Padfoot):

No, I don’t

Because I think the footballer likes you too

Is it so unusual for footballers to be closeted?

There isn’t a single footballer who is openly gay

But there isn’t a chance in hell that they’re all straight

(Moony):

He’s got a girlfriend

If he wanted to be with me he wouldn’t be with her

(Padfoot):

I wish I could be there for you

(Moony):

Me too

(Padfoot):

I’m sorry Moony

It isn’t until there's a buzz at the door that Remus’ is ripped from his depressive lull. He’d gotten into his pyjamas and opened a bottle of wine which he fully intended to finish alone. The TV’s blasting, but he hadn’t been paying it much attention. Instead he continued to stare at the wall, battling with his thoughts and emotions. 

He thinks that it might be Benji. Perhaps he’s changed his mind and he’s come back to tell Remus that he was wrong.

But it isn’t Benji.

“Hello?” Remus says through the intercom. 

“Remus?” Sirius’ voice carries through. 

“Sirius?” He says quietly, his heart thumping. 

“Hi” Sirius says back, his voice soft “Can I come up?”

“Er, Yeah. Sorry. Of course” He says, swiftly pressing the button which lets out a harsh buzzing noise. 

He has roughly thirty seconds to gather himself, but it's not enough. Remus quickly glances around his flat, eyes darting to the half-finished bottle of wine on the coffee table and the general state of disarray. He runs a hand through his hair, still in his pyjamas, unsure if he should change or not. But before he can make any real decision, there's a soft knock on the door.

“Fuck” He mutters to himself. He looks in the mirror and does his best to fix his hair, but it’s not much use. 

When he opens the door, Sirius rushes inside, to not be seen, and closes the door behind himself. Once he’s firmly in the private flat, he turns to Remus and says;

“She isn’t my girlfriend.”

“What?” 

Remus blinks, caught off guard by the abruptness of Sirius’s words. The rush of Sirius pushing into his flat and closing the door behind him adds to the surreal nature of the moment. For a second, Remus isn’t sure if he’s heard correctly.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Sirius repeats, his voice more urgent, his eyes fixed on Remus.

Remus stands there, heart thudding in his chest. “But—”

“It’s fake,” Sirius cuts in. His expression is tense, almost pained, like this admission has been clawing at him for days, “My mother forced me into it.”

“Your mother?” Remus asks, confused. 

“She’s my management” Sirius finishes, his voice tight, eyes flicking away for a second before returning to Remus’s. “She controls every aspect of my public life. Mary needed a fake boyfriend and I needed a fake girlfriend.”

Remus stares at him, trying to process the information. “So… the relationship. It’s all just a front?”

Sirius nods, jaw clenched. “She arranged it. She thought it would ‘keep me in line.’ Make me more marketable, more acceptable, or whatever.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “But it’s not real, Remus. None of it is.”

Remus exhales sharply “Thank you for telling me.”

“I didn’t want to lie to you” Sirius says “Lily knows now too.”

“Okay” Remus says “Is that what you came here for? To tell me that?”

Sirius hesitates. “I guess so.”

Remus swallows, feeling the weight of Sirius’s gaze on him. 

“I’ll go,” Sirius says, his eyes lingering on Remus for a moment “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine” Remus tells him, short and clipped. 

“You had your date tonight, didn’t you?” Sirius asks. Remus nods. “How did it go?”

You can call Remus evil for doing it, but he rubs his hand over a mark that he knows he has on his neck. One left by Benji. Knowing that it will make Sirius’ eyeline fall down to it. So that he’ll see it. 

He notices Sirius’ jaw tense and he can’t help but feel a cruel satisfaction in it all. He sees his eyes notice it and linger on it for a moment too long.

“Good” Remus says “I had fun.”

Sirius’ lips part but he doesn’t say anything. He pauses for a moment, his eyes coming back up to Remus’ own. “Looks like it.”

Remus clenches his jaw, unsure if he’s supposed to feel guilty or triumphant. Maybe both. He watches Sirius closely, taking in the subtle tension in his posture, the way his eyes seem to harden and soften all at once.

“We’re probably going to keep as friends though,” Remus adds. 

Sirius’ expression shifts, his lips twitching slightly “Friends?”

“Mhm” Remus hums “The sex was probably a one off.”

“Oh really?” Sirius says, a challenging look in his eyes. 

“Maybe,” he replies, his tone casual, though inside, his heart races. 

“Maybe?” Sirius repeats.

“Who knows?” Remus shrugs, playing it off with a soft laugh. 

“Good for you” Sirius says sharply, his gaze moving from Remus “You’ll need some makeup to cover that up for school on Monday.”

“I’ll just wear a cardigan to hide it” Remus says flippantly. 

Sirius chews on his bottom lip. “Good idea.”

Remus reaches out and grabs the door handle “Goodnight Sirius.”

Sirius shoots him a smirk “Goodnight Remus” and then he leaves.

At school on Monday it isn’t too awkward with Benji. The two men continue as if nothing had happened, talking as friends without passing up those opportunities to flirt like they always had. 

“You won’t tell anybody that I like him, will you?” Remus double checks when they’re alone in the staffroom.

“Only you and half of England” Benji laughs “But of course, I’ll keep your little secret.”

“Good” Remus grins.

“Do you think if I asked Lily to set me up with Dearborn, she would?”

Remus hits him on the arm “Shut up.”

Lily seems confused when he explains it to her. He leaves out details, probably the most important ones. And he especially leaves out the detail of Sirius turning up at his flat. 

When she tells him that Sirius actually doesn’t have a girlfriend, he acts surprised. 

“Oh really?” He plays along.

“I feel like a right knob rambling on about her to him at dinner” She giggles to herself “I need to learn how to read a room.”

The irony of it is hilarious. 

The last few weeks of term fly by. Remus is so snowed under with work that when the final day finally comes around, he finds himself wondering how the fuck the year went so quickly. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that he’d worked at Hogwarts now for a whole year. It feels like only yesterday he started.

“Will we have you again as our tutor next year sir?” Ben shouts out at the end of class. 

He smiles, flattered by it all. “I don’t think I’m allowed to tell you. But yes you will.” He smiles even harder when the class actually cheers. 

He’s surprised, after class, that Amy sticks around to say goodbye to him. Everybody else dashed straight out of the classroom, shouting their goodbyes and running for their buses or out of the school gates. He can’t blame them, he’s tempted to do the exact same thing. 

“Can I ask you something sir?” Amy asks him, fiddling with the sleeves of her blazer. 

“Of course,” Remus tells her. 

“How did you… How did you know you were gay?”

It clicks for him then. Her falling out with Matilda. What Matilda had said to him when she’d come to him for comfort that one lunchtime. The mistake she had made to ‘ruin’ their friendship. 

“That obvious, am I?” Remus laughs lightly. 

“A bit yeah” Amy smiles “And somebody saw you and Mr Fenwick on a date.”

“Did they?” Remus asks, honestly quite amused. It’s not like he was hiding his sexuality, he’s not upset people know. 

“Yeah, it’s just around school. But I mean, I don’t really care, it’s cool!” Amy shrugs, her tone casual, but Remus can see the earnestness in her eyes.

He shifts his weight, leaning against his desk as he contemplates her question. “Well, I suppose it took me a while to figure it out,” he begins, his voice softening. “I had feelings for a few different people over the years, but when it came down to it, I realised that my feelings for certain people felt different—more intense.”

“Like how you feel about Mr Fenwick?” she asks innocently, a glint of curiosity in her eyes.

Remus chuckles, feeling the flush creep up his cheeks. “Yes, something like that. It’s about being drawn to someone in a way that feels right, and I think that’s important, regardless of who that person is.”

“That makes sense,” Amy nods, her brow furrowed in thought. She looks down at her school shoes and admits “Matilda kissed me. That's why we stopped being friends.”

“I see,” he says softly, allowing her to continue.

“I panicked a bit and I stopped talking to her. But now she won’t even look at me when I walk past her. I think I might’ve messed things up a bit.” She says “I want to fix things though Sir, I think I know how I feel now.”

“Then speak to her,” Remus says. “The best you can do is be honest.”

“You think?” Amy responds. “Should I text her?”

“Err. Maybe ask to meet up with her instead?” Remus says quickly. 

“Oh right. Yeah. Good idea.” Amy says her mood is much brighter than it had been before, she seems more hopeful. She looks at him and smiles “Thanks Sir.”

“Have a good summer Amy” Remus tells her. 

“You too Sir!” She grins, leaving the classroom. 

He tidies the classroom and packs up everything he’ll need over the summer. Being in Rome for most of it means that he definitely won’t be doing any extra work, at all, but he brings his chocolate stash and his many diaries with him to keep at home. He locks the classroom up behind himself and heads to Lily’s classroom to meet her.

“Do you really need to take this much home?” Remus laughs when he walks in and sees her with at least five boxes of things. 

“Yes” She says, as if he’s stupid for thinking otherwise. “Grab some boxes will you.”

Together they carry the boxes out to the car and load them into the boot. On the way, they pass Benji and say their goodbyes.

“Have fun in Rome” Benji tells them both. He then looks specifically to Remus and says “Let me know if anything exciting happens.”

He rolls his eyes, but says with a smile “I will.”

Once Benjis walks away, Lily frowns and says “It’s such a shame it didn’t work out between the two of you.”

Remus raises an eyebrow at Lily as they continue to load the car. “You really think so?” he replies, trying to keep his tone light.

“I don’t see what went wrong! You even said the sex was good” 

“We’re just better as friends” Remus says “That’s all. Plus we’re off to Rome for the whole summer.”

Lily grins “I can’t fucking wait. Get me out of this school right now.”

(Moony):

I’m officially free!!!

(Padfoot):

YAY

FINALLY

(Moony):

What does one actually take to Rome

To watch football for a month?

(Padfoot):

Not a clue Moons

Clothes

Underwear

Toothbrush 

Condoms ;)

(Moony):

I’ll make sure to pack the lube too

(Padfoot):

YES!

Good thinking 

(Moony):

I’m sure my friend has an organised packing list she can send me a copy of 

I don’t know how she does it 

She never forgets anything 

(Padfoot):

Is it really a trip away if you don’t forget something?

Once I forgot all of my underwear

(Moony):

I think I might’ve done that once too lol

(Padfoot):

How has it been with your footballer recently?

(Moony):

I don’t even know how to explain it Pads

Since he literally turned up at my flat

The flirting is so much more intense

And we’re both so aware of it

(Padfoot):

CUDBCIDUEBCIUBE

HE'S SO INTO U

(Moony):

I don’t know

It’s so confusing 

(Padfoot):

Well you know what they say about Rome 

(Moony):

No I don’t actually

(Padfoot):

Yeah me neither 

WHATEVER

Maybe Rome will be good for you both 

(Moony):

Or it could go completely wrong 

(Padfoot):

You’re always so optimistic Moons 

What’s the worst that can happen?

(Moony):

Brutal rejection?

(Padfoot):

Maybe…

Or beautiful love making

And lots of pasta

(Moony):

And pizza 

At least if there is brutal rejection

I’ll have italian food

(Padfoot):

That might be the most positive thing you’ve ever said 

(Moony):

I’m just being realistic 

I’m a realist 

  (Padfoot):

I’m not sure if self-depreciation is considered being realistic 

(Moony):

Rude 

I’ve got to go

I’m at my friends 

  (Padfoot):

Enjoy your night with the footballer ;)

Update me later 

Bye Moons xx

(Moony):

Bye Pads x

Their Friday plays out like every other Friday does, but there's that sense of excitement in the air. Schools is finished with for six weeks and in two days they’re getting on an all expenses paid holiday for almost the whole of summer. Remus doesn’t need to think about Shakespeare or Dickens and he definitely won’t need to explain the difference between their, they’re and there for six weeks. It’s glorious.

And he supposes spending those six weeks with his two best friends, their son and fucking Sirius Black isn’t too bad either. 

God, if he doesn’t admit that he’s thought about the possibility of seeing Sirius shirtless, he’s lying. He’s watched them play before, many times on the TV. But something about getting to watch them in person, now after everything that has or hasn’t happened between them. He’s really going to struggle to keep it professional. 

“You look good today” Sirius says to him in a low voice, so that nobody else can hear. “That shirt shows off your sleepers build.”

“Sorry?” Remus asks. What the fuck is a sleepers build?

“I know what you’re hiding under there Remus” Sirius whispers.

Remus’ mouth falls open, but playing along, he gathers himself, smirks and says “Do you?”

“I’m sure of it.”

Remus shrugs, maintaining his composure despite the adrenaline coursing through every inch of his body. “Maybe you’ll find out.” He watches Sirius react and then adds “I’ll undoubtedly have my top off by the pool, won’t I.”

“Undoubtedly.”

Perhaps Remus might be more excited, had he not just bigged it up far more than necessary. He doesn’t know what a sleepers build is, but he knows what's hiding under his shirt really isn’t impressive at all and most definitely does not need the added suspense. 

He makes a mental note to google it later. 

When they arrive at Remus’ flat later that night, Sirius insists on helping Remus carry his things upstairs, despite it only being one box and perfectly manageable for one person. 

“Thank you for that” Remus says anyway when Sirius places the box down. 

Sirius grins “I’ll see you on Sunday, Yeah?”

“Yep” Remus smiles “What time do I need to be at the airport?”

Sirius shakes his head “I’ll come and get you at three thirty am, we can go together.”

“If you’re sure,” Remus says. 

“Of course” Sirius smirks “Can’t have my plus one getting lost on the way, I’d be bored shitless without you there.”

“I’m sure you’d survive just fine.”

“I’m not sure. I quite like talking to you… and annoying you.” Sirius finishes, his smirk widening as he steps closer to Remus.

Remus chuckles, crossing his arms casually. “You do have a talent for it. But don’t worry I’ll be there.”

“Good. I’ll see you at three-thirty then,” he says, turning toward the door but pausing for a moment before looking over his shoulder, his expression softening just slightly. “I’m looking forward to it, you know. The trip.”

Remus nods, his smile more genuine now. “Yeah, me too.”

Six weeks with Sirius Black, and the lines between teasing and something more keep blurring. And he’s not sure how long he’ll be able to resist crossing them.

Chapter Text

Now, Remus doesn’t know a lot about football. He’s oblivious to the rules and he probably wouldn’t notice if the most famous footballer in the world walked past him in Lidl. He doesn’t even know who the most famous footballer in the world actually is.

It’s not as if he’s never watched it. His family would watch the World Cup and the Euros on occasion, but Wales never got particularly far and nobody in his family cared much for it. It was more of an excuse to make an occasion out of it, drink beer and listen to the locals at the pub spew their hatred for the English. 

Since he’s been friends with Lily it’s been a little different. It’s where his, still very limited, football knowledge developed. He watched games with her and Harry, and she learnt names in conversation. He understands some of the rules and he knows the players that he needs to know. People take it far more seriously in England and he’s started to understand that since being here. 

Even now, sitting on the plane, he’s struggling to pick out who's a footballer and who isn’t. Everybody is mixed together, family, management, medical staff etc. It’s a large commercial plane full of important people bustling around. That’s why he has Sirius whispering to him and pointing people out.

“That one over there, the bald one” Sirius says, nodding his head in the direction of a tall dark skinned man wearing a rather rich purple tracksuit which might not be Remus’ cup of tea but happens to suit him quite well. He’s got his headphones on, bobbing his head slightly to whatever it is he’s listening to. “That's Kingsley Shaklebolt. He’s our goalie.”

“Right okay” Remus says slowly, taking note of it all. “So he’s the goalkeeper. The Prewett twins, Caradoc Dearborn and….”

“Ethan Zibani” Sirius finishes for him. 

“They’re the defenders?”

“Yep” Sirius grins.

Remus had met one of the Prewett twins at the airport and he’s not quite sure he knew which one it was. It was the one with the longer hair, slightly shorter and a little stockier. He’d come over to say hello to Sirius and in the process had introduced himself to Remus. He was nice enough to come and speak to them, not many of the players had, but Remus understands they’re all busy with their own company. 

“And then James, Frank Longbottom, Evan Rosier and, erm, Lucius Malfoy are the middle people.” He continues. 

“Midfielders” Sirius corrects him. 

“Oh right. Midfielders.” Remus nods “Then you’re a forward with Barty Crouch, Antonio Dolohov and Xeno Lovegood.”

“Exactly that” Sirius beams, leaning back against the window. His body is angled toward Remus, legs sprawled out like he owns the place. On a normal plane, Remus might be irritated by the space invasion, but here, with the ridiculous amount of legroom, it’s hardly an issue. “But really, I’m the only one you need to watch on the pitch.”

“Not even James?” Remus retaliates with a smirk.

“You can watch him a little bit, but I need your attention more.” Sirius tells him.

Remus turns more toward Sirius, their legs now almost touching. “And why do you need my attention so badly?”

“For motivation,” Sirius says, his head tilting slightly as his voice drops into a teasing tone. 

“Motivation?” Remus repeats, raising an eyebrow as he leans in just a little closer. He’s fully aware of the game Sirius is playing, and it’s hard not to get sucked into it, especially when Sirius is looking at him like that —with those teasing eyes, that lazy grin. 

“Yep,” Sirius says, his voice low but not quite a whisper.

Remus chuckles lightly “If you insist.”

They fall into a quiet. Everybody around them is loud, the players and their families. Remus is sure he can hear Harry chatting away and laughing from his seat and there's quite a few other children on the plane who seem quite excited to be around so many people. 

They’re sitting nearer the back of the plane which feels surprisingly intimate and private despite the seats around them being occupied. Most of the people surrounding them had gotten up and moved towards the front of the plane when they were allowed to, now it’s just the two of them and a few sleeping passengers at the back.

Neither of them have made an attempt to move to the front of the plane like everybody else. They’re too caught up in each other to want to. 

“Are you nervous?” Remus asks him, his tone soft and gentle. 

“Yeah” Sirius admits “It’s hard not to be.”

“How do you deal with it?” 

It’s nice how they can do this, shamelessly flirt with each other one moment but then have a genuine heartfelt conversation the next. 

“I ignore it” Sirius says simply “If I even begin to think about the amount of pressure on us I’ll just start to panic and then that won’t get us anywhere. I guess I just try to remember that I’m playing a sport that I love with my friends and if we win that's brilliant and if we don’t then it’s likely we did the best we could anyway.”

“That's really nice, to think about it like that.” Remus smiles smally. 

“It’s difficult with my mother though” Sirius says after a beat of silence. “She likes to remind me of how many people I have relying on me. She must think it’s a motivation tactic but honestly it just makes me feel worse and if I feel shit I play shit.”

“Do you get along with her?” Remus asks, he’s not sure if he’s overstepping, but their conversation at this moment feels so candid and honest. 

Sirius laughs nervously “Not really. She stopped being my mother as soon as she started valuing being my manager more.”

Remus listens quietly, his eyes softening as Sirius speaks. He hadn’t expected Sirius to open up like this, not here, not now, but he feels honoured that Sirius trusts him enough to share something so personal.

“That must be hard,” Remus says gently, his voice low to match the intimate tone of their conversation.

“Yeah,” Sirius sighs, running a hand through his hair. “But I’ve got the Potters and they treat me as one of their own. Reg too, but he’s got his own people up in Manchester so he doesn’t get to visit as much anymore.”

“What are they like, the Potters?” Remus asks him. 

“They’re amazing” Sirius smiles warmly “James and I met when we were quite young. We used to play for the same academy and Euphemia and Fleamont were always the most kind people. I left when I was ten to move to Slytherin and he went to Gryffindor a year later so we didn’t get to speak much. I saw him at some games but my mother never wanted me to talk to the competition, but sometimes we would sneak off and talk anyway.”

Remus and Sirius hold eye contact whilst he speaks and he can’t help but smile at Sirius whilst he talks. 

“And then we both got scouted to play for England at around the same time. We were both eighteen and mother was absolutely fuming because they’d announced our signings so close together and she thought he had overpowered mine. I was just happy to be playing with James again and since I was older and I could hide things from my mother, we’d spend more time together and I’d go for dinner at his house and they’d welcome me into their family and treat me in exactly the same way that they treated James.”

“I think it’s a maternal instinct thing really. Effie could probably tell that my mother wasn’t the most present so she stepped in where my mother couldn’t. Fleamont too, he always sat and watched James and I play, even if it was just in their garden.”

“When I moved out at nineteen, that was when my mother stopped being a mother at all. She only called me about management stuff, never to ask how I was. I’d see her at meetings and that was it. Effie called me everyday and asked how I was, offered to make me dinner or take me out for coffee. Even now she calls me at least three times a week to check up on me and ask how I am.”

Sirius is enrapturing to listen to, so when he laughs awkwardly, looks away and says “Sorry, I was just rambling on.”

“I liked it,” Remus assured him “They sound like lovely people. I hope I get to meet them one day.”

“They’d love you” Sirius tells him “They’re exactly like James, they see the good in everybody.”

They’re so caught up in each other and their own little bubble that it startles Remus when Lily appears beside them, her hair tied up into a loose bun and a toddler in her arms. 

“Take him” She says, putting Harry in his lap “He won’t settle and I need to sleep.”

Remus laughs, looking down at a grinning Harry “I’ve got him” He tells her. 

“Thank you” She sighs and then she heads back over to her seat and out of sight.

“Ello,” Harry says to them both. 

Their bubble has now been burst and they’re on Harry duty. Remus isn’t too annoyed by that. 

They land an hour or so later, it’s hard to keep track of time when you’re in the air and distracted by a two year old and Sirius Black. Lily comes back over to get her son just before the plane begins to land, looking far more awake and much less cranky. She thanks them both with a smile and promises to buy them a drink later that night. 

(Moony):

Landed in Rome!!!!

(Padfoot):

How was the flight?

(Moony):

Really nice actually

I don’t usually like flying but it went really quickly 

(Padfoot):

Because you had somebody to entertain you ;)

(Moony):

We just talked a lot 

And then my Nephew joined and made us play rock paper scissors for half an hour

(Padfoot):

Awwww so you didn’t join the mile high club

(Moony):

Are you ever not thinking about sex, Pads?

(Padfoot):

Nope 

“Oi, get off your phone” Remus hears James say. 

He looks up, half expecting the comment to be aimed at him, but sees James staring at Sirius with a raised eyebrow, squinting at him like a disapproving parent.

They’re on the coach now, being transported to the hotel. The five of them sat together with a table between them. The conversation had drifted off and James and Lily had started discussing something unrelated to them, hence why Remus had taken the time to get his phone out and message Padfoot. 

Sirius drops his phone into his lap, rolling his eyes “Fine.”

“No work phones on holiday” James says “Who are you messaging anyway?”

“This isn’t a holiday James, it is work” Sirius reminds him “I was messaging my mother.”

“It’s a holiday for the first few days” James reasons “Tell Walburga to leave you alone so that we can enjoy it.”

“There's more chance of pigs flying than there is for her to leave me alone” Sirius jokes but Remus can’t help but feel sadness at it “She’ll likely be waiting at the hotel for me.”

“We’ll have to smuggle you in” Lily smiles, she looks to her son on her lap and says “Won’t we Haz?”

“Yep!” Harry says excitedly “Uncle Rus come with us for icecweem?” 

James looks up at Sirius with a mock-evil look “You can’t say no to that, can you?”

Sirius sighs dramatically, though his expression softens into a fond smile. “No, I can’t.” He turns to Remus, his eyes twinkling. “Will you be joining us?”

He scoffs “Obviously.”

Harry giggles to himself “Chocowlate for Uncle Mus” 

Remus grins “You know me so well, Harry” 

They arrive at the hotel not long later. It's grand and definitely far more than Remus could ever even imagine being able to afford. The entrance is lined with polished marble columns, and a luxurious fountain stands in the centre of the driveway. The entire building oozes wealth and sophistication.

As they step off the coach, a team of staff is already waiting to help with the luggage. Sirius shoots Remus a sideways grin, clearly used to this level of extravagance, but Remus can’t shake the feeling of being slightly out of place. Still, he quickly shakes off the discomfort, not wanting to seem out of step with everyone else.

“Wow…” Harry whispers, his wide eyes taking in the towering hotel.

“Fancy, isn’t it?” Sirius says, crouching down to be at Harry’s level, his smile softening at the boy’s wonder. “Think we’ll find the best ice cream in the world in there?”

Harry nods enthusiastically. “Yeah!”

Lily chuckles, shifting Harry onto her hip as they all walk inside. The lobby is even more spectacular than the outside, with enormous chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and soft classical music playing in the background. Remus feels like he’s stepped into a movie set.

James stretches his arms above his head. “Right, let’s get settled. Ice cream can wait until later, I think.” 

Just as he says this, Remus notices a figure approaching—a large, rough-looking man who had been hard to miss on the plane. His face is scarred, and his sharp gaze, constantly scanning the surroundings, gives off an air of perpetual vigilance. Remus has seen him in passing, but this is his first proper encounter with Mad-Eye Moody.

Moody doesn’t waste time with pleasantries. “Potter. Black,” he says curtly, his voice a low rumble. His expression softens slightly when he looks at Lily and Harry, the barest hint of a smile twitching at the corner of his mouth. But when his sharp gaze lands on Remus, he stops and fixes him with an intense look.

"Who are you?" Moody asks bluntly, his tone more like a demand than a polite question.

“This is Remus, Mad-Eye,” Sirius steps in, answering quickly. “The one I spoke to you about.”

Moody’s mismatched eyes narrow slightly. "Your brother's replacement?" His question is direct, but Remus can hear the underlying scrutiny in his voice.

Sirius nods in response, "Yeah."

Moody turns his full attention to Remus. "Nice to meet you." There’s no handshake offered, nor any sign of warmth, but Remus doesn’t expect it. Mad-Eye’s reputation as a no-nonsense, suspicious character precedes him.

“You too,” Remus says, keeping his tone even.

The woman beside Moody coughs “I’m Marlene” She says, offering a hand to Remus. He takes it with a smile and she says “Nice to meet you, Remus.”

Before he can begin to respond, she speaks again “Here are your room keys. Please don’t lose them because I cannot be bothered to have to pay for more.”

James snickers at her dry comment while taking the keys. "Wouldn’t dream of it. Thanks, Marlene."

Sirius gives her a quick nod. “Thanks Marls”

Marlene grins and says “I’ll see you all at the team dinner tonight!” And then she scurries off behind Moody to continue greeting the team. 

Remus lets out a huff and says to Sirius “Fuck me, I never believed you when you said how intimidating he was.”

“Wait until you see him at training” Sirius laughs. He hands Remus a key and says “We’re sharing a room, I hope that’s alright?”

Remus feels his mouth go dry as Sirius hands him the key. Sharing a room? He wasn’t sure why it caught him so off guard, but suddenly the thought of spending that much time with Sirius, in such close proximity, felt both exciting and utterly terrifying.

“Separate beds of course” Sirius adds with a smirk.

"Yeah, that's... fine," Remus manages to say, hoping his voice sounds casual enough. He tries to ignore the nervous fluttering in his stomach and keeps his expression neutral. It’s just a room, he reminds himself again, though the thought of being in such close proximity to Sirius—alone—sends a rush of heat through him that he tries to ignore.

Sirius raises an eyebrow at him, unconvinced and says “Don’t worry Remus, I don’t snore.”

That's the last thing he’s worried about.

“Thank God” Remus says “Otherwise I’d have to go home.”

Sirius laughs “Come on. I need a shower and a nap.”

Luckily, it’s two separate double beds with plenty of space between them. The room is large, excessively so, with two sinks and a huge bath with a separate shower. Two huge vanities and so much wardrobe space that Remus feels as if he should’ve brought more clothes. 

“Fucking hell” He mutters when they walk in.

“I know” Sirius agrees. He throws his duffle bag down onto the bed and kicks off his shoes. All whilst Remus just stands there, like a gobsmacked idiot. “You don’t mind if I have the first shower, do you?”

“All yours” Remus says, his gaze still focused on the room. 

Sirius grins and disappears into the bathroom. The soft click of the door closing behind him brings Remus back to reality, he shakes his head, letting out a soft breath as he starts to unpack his things.

Remus hears the shower turn on, and it’s impossible not to think about the fact that Sirius is just beyond the door, completely naked, so unaware of how that’s making Remus feel. He groans softly to himself, burying his face in his hands. Get a grip , he tells himself.

(Moony):

I am so fucked

He’s showering right now and fuck

We’re sharing a room Pads

A few minutes later, the sound of running water stops, and Remus quickly sits up from where he had laid down on the bed he’d claimed. 

(Padfoot):

Yep 

You are so fucked

The bathroom door opens, and Sirius steps out, still towel-drying his hair with a towel slung dangerously low around his lips. Remus can’t help but focus on the droplets of water tracing a path down Sirius’ chest, his eyes betraying him and flickering down to the curve Sirius’ hips where the towel barely holds on. 

Remus quickly drags his gaze back up, only to find Sirius already watching him with an amused smirk pulling at his lips.

“Showers all yours Remus” Sirius says, his voice low and casual, but the way he says Remus’ name—soft, intimate—sends a shiver down Remus’ spine.

Fuck. Even the sound of his name coming from Sirius’ mouth does something to him. His heart feels like it’s stumbling over itself, his chest tight. He swallows, forcing a tight nod, hoping it comes off as indifferent.

“Right. Thanks,” Remus mutters, his voice coming out rougher than he’d like. He grabs his towel and hurries past Sirius, keeping his eyes fixed firmly ahead as he makes his way into the bathroom, his skin practically buzzing. 

He’s not going to last the day, let alone the whole tournament. 

(Moony):

No this is actual murder

He just came out of the shower

IN JUST A TOWEL

And fuck 

I mean I know he’s a footballer and all but wow

(Padfoot):

Fuck 

I bet it was hot 

What did you even do?

(Moony):

I stared 

And he caught me

(Padfoot):

You’ve got to get him back Moony

(Moony):

What do you mean?

(Padfoot):

Take a shower and do exactly what he did

But make the towel even lower 

(Moony):

Brilliant idea

Except I’ve not got anything impressive to show off

He probably wouldn’t even look

(Padfoot):

If he’s into you he’ll look

I promise

(Moony):

He seems to think I’ve got a sleepers build

But I don't 

And he’s just going to be disappointed 

I don’t think i can do it Pads 

(Padfoot):

It doesn’t matter what you look like Moons

If he wants you

He’ll look

(Moony):

I don’t know

(Padfoot):

Trust me

(Moony):

Okay Okay

(Padfoot):

Update me later ;)

So Remus does it. He showers, and afterwards he wraps a towel around his waist, as low as he possibly can without completely exposing himself to the other man. He looks at himself in the mirror for a moment, wordlessly trying to psych himself up. Sirius won’t judge him, he knows that, but there's the possibility of Sirius not even paying him any attention at all which could embarrass him beyond repair. 

Fuck it, whatever . What has he got to lose? Besides from his dignity?

He opens the door slowly, as the cool air from the room hits his damp skin, Remus steps out into the room. He feels exposed, his stomach twisted with nerves, but he tries to keep hsi expression neutral. 

Sirius is lounging on his bed, flipping through something on his phone, but the moment the door opens, his attention shifts. Remus can feel Sirius' eyes on him, a weight that almost makes him falter, but he forces himself to keep walking towards his bed, every nerve in his body hyper aware of the way Sirius is watching him.

He tries not to look directly at him, but out of the corner of his eye, he can see Sirius’ gaze trailing down his body, lingering on the towel around his hips. Remus’ breath catches, his skin prickling under the attention.

He’s looking, just like Padfoot said he would. 

Despite his cheeks burning and the knot in his chest, he gathers himself enough to say “I hope you don’t mind that I took his bed. I like being near the door.”

Sirius takes a second to respond, and when Remus looks up he notices that his eyes are still on Remus. “I– I, er, yeah, that's fine” Sirius stumbles over his words, something that Remus has never seen before. “I like the window.”

“Are you alright?” Remus asks with a smug tone in his voice.

Sirius looks at him. For a moment, his mouth opens slightly as if he’s about to say something but decides against it. Instead, he swallows hard, and that moment of vulnerability makes Remus' heart race even faster.

“I’m brilliant” Sirius retorts, he seems to have composed himself now, that challenging look appearing on his face. “I knew it by the way. You’ve got a sleepers build.”

“Oh really?” Remus counters “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

Sirius smirks “Good. Definitely good.”

“I’ll take your word for it, then,” he replies, trying to keep his tone light despite the heat creeping up his cheeks.

(Moony):

He looked 

He really looked 

(Padfoot):

I told you

He’s so into you

Did he look you up and down

(Moony):

Yes 

(Padfoot):

I give it a week 

And you’ll be texting me to say you’ve shagged 

(Moony):

I don’t think so

(Padfoot):

2 weeks?

2 and a half?

(Moony):

I don’t think it will happen at all

(Padfoot):

WAS THIS NOT CONFIRMATION FOR YOU??

HE’S INTO YOU

(Moony):

Maybe

But he’s been flirting with me for weeks 

And he hasn’t made a move

Maybe he just likes the game of it all

(Padfoot):

I guess you’ll just need to find out won’t you?

Wait and see Moons

Remus looks up from his phone, over at Sirius who’s laid back against the pillows on his own phone. They’ve been sitting in silence for about half an hour, both resting after their long morning. It’s only two pm in Italy and they still have the whole day ahead of them. 

“I might go on a walk” Remus announces, causing Sirius to look up from his phone with an odd expression on his face. He locks his phone and puts it down at his side. “If you want to come.”

“Yeah. Okay” Sirius smiles. 

They just walk around the hotel, exploring it and simply taking it all in. There's a pool, a spa, multiple restaurants, cafes, a library, meeting rooms. Anything you can name they likely have it. 

They talk about the upcoming game. Sirius tells him everything he needs to know about the group stages, what it means and what they need to do to win. Remus talks about how he used to watch football sometimes with his dad in the pub, but how his dad had always preferred rugby. They talk about Harry. Sirius’ niece Dora. Remus’ mum. Sirius’ brother. 

Every day that he spends with Sirius he feels like he gets to understand him better as a person. 

It’s when they’re passing the reception to head back up to their room that Remus meets Walburga Black.

“Sirius!” 

Her voice is harsh and sharp, like the crack of a whip, instantly drawing their attention. Sirius visibly stiffens at the sound, his easy going demeanour vanishing in an instant.

Remus follows Sirius' gaze and spots her—Walburga Black—standing by the reception desk. She looks as severe as Sirius had described her: tall, aristocratic, with cold, piercing eyes that make Remus feel as though she’s already judging him. Her dark hair is pulled back tightly, emphasising her sharp cheekbones and the hard lines around her mouth.

“Mother,” Sirius greets her, his voice clipped. There's no warmth in the word, just a sense of formality, as if addressing her was more of an obligation than a choice.

Her heels click as she walks closer to them. “The staff here are incompetent” She grumbles, shooting daggers at the poor girl behind the reception desk.

“You didn’t tell me you were coming,” Sirius says.

“You’ve not responded to my texts, emails or calls all week” Walburga spits back “I didn’t think I'd’ have to physically track you down, Sirius.”

Remus looks at Sirius, confused. He’d said earlier he was texting his mother and he’s unsure of why he would lie about such a thing.

“I’ve been busy,” Sirius tells her.

Walburga looks at Remus now, her sharp eyes making him nervous. “Who are you?”

“This is–” Sirius begins, but she cuts him off.

“I wasn’t speaking to you Sirius. I was asking him.”

“Remus Lupin” He says curtly “I’m a friend of Sirius’”

“I invited him to come in Regulus' place, Mother.” Sirius adds. He looks tense, his jaw set and his hands moving around nervously.

“And you didn’t think to approve this with me?” She says angrily, her eyes still boring into Remus. Her words are laced with an unmistakable bite. It’s the kind of scrutiny that makes him want to shrink into the background, but he forces himself to stand tall, meeting her eyes with a level stare.

“I didn’t realise I needed your approval for my own guests,” Sirius retorts, his tone sharp. He crosses his arms, standing protectively a little closer to Remus now.

Walburga’s nostrils flare, and her gaze shifts between them, lingering on Remus like he’s something to be inspected and found lacking. “What do you do for a living?”

“I’m a teacher” Remus says simply, doing his best to sound proud.

Walburga's lip curls, barely concealing her disdain. "A teacher," she repeats, as though the word itself is something distasteful. "How quaint." Her eyes flick over him again, as if cataloguing everything she considers inferior—his plain clothes, his unassuming demeanour. "And this is the company you keep now, Sirius?" she adds, her voice dripping with condescension.

“Yes, Mother” Sirius tells her “You might feel as if you can control my social life in public, but in private I decide on my own and I decided to bring my good friend away with me. I didn’t ask for your approval because you do not get to control it.”

Walburga's face tightens at Sirius' words, her expression hardening into something cold and dangerous. The air between them seems to freeze as her eyes narrow. "Control?" she echoes, her voice icy. "You always were so ungrateful, Sirius. After everything your father and I have done for you—raised you, provided for you—and this is how you repay us? By defying me? I’m your manager and I know what is best for you. I will let this slide, but you must be more careful from now on Sirius.”

“What do you want, Mother? Why are you here?” Sirius asks, his tone failing him. He sounds defeated, tired. 

“I’ve come to discuss your schedule with you” She says sharply, then in a harsher tone “In private.”

Remus chews on his bottom lips and then looks at Sirius, ignoring Walburgas pointed gaze on him. “I’ll go.”

“Okay” Sirius smiles sadly. 

As he walks away he can hear the harsh whispers between Walburga and Sirius, but he can’t make out what is being said. When he gets to the lift and risks turning his head to look back in their direction, they’re gone, walking towards the private conference rooms that Sirius and Remus had passed not so long ago.

He feels awful. For leaving Sirius. For putting Sirius in a situation that causes aggravation for him. He didn’t think that him being here with him would cause him so many issues. He feels awful that Sirius has to deal with this, that his mother behaves in such a way.

He’d looked so tense, so unlike himself. Remus hates it. 

His skin feels like it's crawling and his stomach is churning as he gets into the lift, pressing the button to their floor and waiting for the doors to close.

“Alright Rem?” The chirpy voice of James Potter sounds out, carrying Remus away from his worried daze. “I’ve been looking for you. Where’s Sirius?”

Remus looks at James and says “He’s with his mother.”

James’ smile drops “She’s here?” When Remus nods, he lets out a huff of breath “Fuck. I was only joking earlier, I didn’t mean to actually summon the witch.”

Remus laughs despite the feeling in his stomach. “I know that they don’t get along, but I really didn’t think she’d be so horrid.”

James frowns “What did she say to you?”

He shrugs, playing it off as if he doesn’t care at all about what she had said, as if he doesn’t secretly agree and hasn’t been feeling that exact same way since he’d gotten to Rome that morning.

He doesn’t belong here. 

Perhaps it would’ve been best for Sirius to bring somebody else—better company.

“She doesn’t agree with me being here, that's all.”

James puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder, squeezing slightly. “I promise you, we wouldn’t want anybody else here with us. Fuck what she says and fuck her.”

Remus smiles at him and then pauses for a moment before saying, “He just looked so… uncomfortable.”

James has a look in his eyes, a pained, helpless look. But then the look shifts into one with a more set determination. “Where did they go?”

“I think to the conference rooms.” Remus tells him.

“I’m going to go and find them” James says “Walburga has no business being here. I don’t mind telling her that myself.”

“Okay” Remus says, relieved “Goodluck.”

James smiles at him “I meant what I said Rem. We wouldn’t want anybody else here with us.” and then he walks off in the direction of the stairs with a quick pace Remus hasn’t seen him walk with before. 

He goes back to their room and tries his best to keep distracted. He scrolls on his phone and then attempts to read part of his book. But he keeps reading the same page over and over and he still can’t remember what had happened. 

When the door opens gently half an hour later, he doesn’t mean to look so eager, but his head snaps towards Sirius. He looks tired, run down.

“Remus, I am so sorry” Sirius says quickly, his voice panicked. He walks into the room, closing the door behind himself, and comes up to Remus’ bed, standing before him. “What she said was nasty and I’m so sorry that you were in that situation with us.”

Remus sits up, shaking his head quickly. “Don’t apologise, it’s not your fault.”

“I should’ve defended you more” Sirius says “I promise you Remus. What she said was utter bullshit.”

“I-” Remus begins, but Sirius cuts him off.

“You are one of the most brilliant people I’ve ever met. Who you are and what you do is important," Sirius continues, his voice thick with emotion, as he stands before Remus, his eyes searching Remus' face for any sign of doubt. "Don't ever let her make you feel less than that. Not for a second."

Remus' throat tightens. He’s never heard Sirius speak like this—so openly, so passionately. "Sirius..." Remus starts, but the words don’t come.

"I mean it," Sirius says, softer now. "She doesn’t get to decide your worth. All she cares about is appearances and making me look good. She wouldn’t care if I was here with the devil himself, as long as it makes me look good. But she doesn’t know anything, Remus. I promise you that you’re the person I want here with me.”

Remus looks up at Sirius, his heart pounding in his chest. He can feel the sincerity in Sirius' words, see the raw emotion in his eyes. It’s overwhelming, yet grounding at the same time, like a sudden rush of warmth in the cold.

Hearing Sirius say these things, full of so much passion and conviction, makes any of Remus’ doubts feel so small and insignificant. He feels silly for even thinking about them in the first place, for thinking that Sirius would feel that way about him. 

Remus swallows, his throat dry. “Thank you” he says in a small voice. He doesn’t know what else to say. He’s actually speechless. “I– Just… thank you.”

And as if Sirius wasn’t already aware of how his words have affected Remus, he leans forwards and he hugs him. He wraps his arms around Remus’ neck and he pulls him in close enough that Remus can smell his shampoo and his aftershave. Remus freezes for a moment. But then he relaxes, closing his eyes and leaning into Sirius' warmth, letting the tension he’d been holding in his body melt away

“You mean a lot to me Remus” Sirius says in a whisper, practically into his ear. 

Remus' breath catches at the sound of Sirius’ whispered words, the warmth of his voice so close, so intimate.

“You mean a lot to me too, Sirius” 

They pull away a moment later, a sudden awkwardness falling between them as they sit and watch each other carefully.

“I should-” Sirius begins, but now it’s Remus’ turn to cut him off.

“Are you okay though? I was more worried about you than I was about what she said to me” Remus asks him “It mustn't be easy for her to turn up here hurling insults at you.”

“It’s not” Sirius says with a small smile “It’s my own fault that she’s here, I shouldn’t have been ignoring her messages. But she isn’t staying for long.. She’s got a press day set up for me tomorrow but after that she’s leaving and she’s not coming back for the rest of the tournament. But it's always like this with her. She shows up, makes her demands, and then leaves me to deal with the mess. I’m used to it.”

Remus frowns, noticing that the smile doesn’t reach Sirius’ eyes. He hesitates for a moment before asking, “Do you... want to talk about it?”

Sirius shakes his head “I’d rather just pretend that she isn’t here at all.”

“We could take Harry for that ice cream?” Remus suggests.

Sirius smiles properly now, an actual broad smile. “I like that idea.”

Everything feels okay after that. They don’t see Walburga again and Remus has the best ice cream of his life with his nephew and his best friends. He can’t stop looking at Sirius, sparing glances and thinking about the beautiful things he had said — how he knew what Remus needed to hear, how passionately he had assured him.

He manages to nap for an hour or so before the team dinner that evening. He’s been up since 3am and he’s honestly shattered, but everybody else is bringing their guests and he knows he can’t leave Sirius without one.

When Remus wakes up, the first thing that graces his eyes is Sirius in a suit. Sirius Black in a fucking suit. It’s a traditional suit — black blazer, black trousers, white shirt with the top button undone. His hairs down, falling perfectly around his face. 

Remus blinks several times, trying to shake off the last remnants of sleep as he takes in the sight before him. Sirius stands near the mirror, adjusting his cufflinks, utterly unaware of the effect he’s having. The soft hotel lighting casts a warm glow over him, accentuating the sharp lines of his suit and the natural ease with which he wears it.

Sirius glances up and catches Remus’ reflection in the mirror, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. “You alright there?” he asks, clearly noticing Remus’ wide-eyed stare.

“Er… yeah. Did I sleep for too long?” He asks, sitting fully upright and bringing a hand up to rub his sleepy eyes. 

“You were drooling” Sirius tells him. 

Remus groans “Was I really?”

“Just a little” Sirius says, turning away from the mirror to face Remus properly “You looked quite cute though.”

"Great. Nothing like being called cute to make me feel dignified.” 

Sirius laughs “Get up. You’ve got half an hour.”

“Why are you ready so early?” Remus asks, moving to stand up.

“Mothers insisted that I get some sexy instagram photos” Sirius tells him, turning back to the mirror to play around with his hair “She’s hired a photographer and everything.”

“That's a bit over the top. I could’ve taken some for you.” Remus replies, still feeling half asleep as he moves around the room. He goes over to the wardrobe to get his suit out.

“I think Harry would do a better job,” Sirius remarks.

Remus scoffs “You underestimate me, Black.”

Sirius glances back at him with a teasing smile. "Oh, do I? You're offering your photography skills, then?"

Remus pulls his suit out of the wardrobe, pretending to inspect it closely as he shrugs. "I have many hidden talents, Sirius. You’d be lucky to have me as your personal photographer."

Sirius chuckles. "Is that so? Well, maybe next time we’ll ditch the professional and you can give it a go."

The room falls silent for a moment, and Remus almost doesn’t let himself say it. But with an emphasis on the fact he’s still in a half asleep daze, he allows it. “You look good, Sirius.”

Sirius turns from the mirror again, his eyes meeting Remus’ “You think so?”

“Yeah” Remus assures him.

The other man grins “Was that why you were practically gawking at me when you woke up?”

Remus’ cheeks flush pink and he mutters “Shut up.”

Sirius heads out to meet his mother and her photographer a few minutes later, leaving Remus alone with the promise to meet him outside of the hall in twenty minutes. 

Lily had taken Remus suit shopping. She’d warned him that it was all a rather grand affair with expensive suits and floor length dresses. He’d spent far more than willing, but he told himself it’s something that will come in handy later on (he’s not sure where he plans on wearing it afterwards, but he swears he will.)

It feels uncomfortable and stiff, but when he looks in the mirror he doesn’t hate the reflection that looks back at him. He adjusts the curls on his head, moving them around so it looks like he hadn’t been asleep ten minutes ago. He brushes his teeth, puts on his tie and then he gets his phone out to text Padfoot.

(Moony):

The footballer is in a suit

And he looks SO good

(Padfoot):

Does this mean that you’re also in a suit?

(Moony):

No comment

(Padfoot):

Omg Moony

I have to see

Please 

(Moony):

You really don’t

It's nothing special 

(Padfoot):

Moony

I am on my knees BEGGING you to send me a photo

You don’t need to get your face in it

No face no case

(Moony):

Anyone would think you’re begging me for nudes with the way you’re speaking

What would I get in return?

(Padfoot):

…

Nudes?

I’m joking

What would you want?

(Moony):

If I’m sending you a photo of my outfit

You should send be yours

(Padfoot):

No faces, right?

(Moony):

Not if you don’t want to no

I’d show you mine if you wanted to show yours

(Padfoot):

I still can’t Moons

But I can send u a photo of me in a duck onesie last year

(Moony):

A duck onesie?

Deal

(Padfoot):

I knew you’d be interested 

[photo attachment]

Remus opens it immediately, looking down at his phone to see a photo of Padfoot in a duck onesie, his face strategically cropped out. He scans it for a moment, looking for things that might help him notice more about the mysterious man. But the issue with the onesie, is that it’s so oversized and baggy that Remus can’t notice anything. It’s zipped up to the point where the photo cuts off and every inch of his body is covered, minus his hands.

He focuses his attention on those hands, studying them meticulously. They’re strong looking, defined and veiny. Yet somehow still thin and dainty. On his thumb he’s wearing a silver ring and he thinks he sees a bracelet on his wrist, but it might be a watch. 

That's all he can gather from the photo, everything else leaves him feeling just as in the dark about Padfoot as he had before. He knows nothing, not his eye colour, hair colour, or how tall he is. 

He wishes he could know more.

Returning the favour, Remus quickly takes a photo of his outfit in the mirror, keeping his face out of the frame like agreed. He looks awkward in it, but he’s got to get down to the hall soon and he’s sure even if he tried to take a nicer one, it would still look just as painfully awkward. 

(Moony):

I can’t believe you actually sent it

[photo attachment]

Now we’re even

(Padfoot):

Holy shit

Moony, you’re trying to kill me, right?

You look incredible. I’m actually speechless

Remus feels a strange warmth bloom in his chest at the compliment. He rolls his eyes, even though he’s grinning like an idiot now.

(Moony):

You’re laying it on a bit thick

But thank you

(Padfoot):

I promise I’m not Moons

You genuinely look amazing

You might even show your footballer up

(Moony):

No chance

He looked more attractive than Ben Barnes in the punisher

(Padfoot):

Wow that's quite the statement 

In that case

You look more attractive than Andrew Garfield in spiderman 

(Moony):

As if

If we’re throwing compliments around

Then you made a fine duck Pads

Better than Donald if i say so myself

(Padfoot):

Ben Barnes and Andrew Garfield < Donald Duck

Genuinely though Moons, you look amazing

(Moony):

Thank you Pads

I should probably go

But just know I’ll be thinking of you and your duck onesie whilst I’m eating dinner with the England team

(Padfoot):

My claim to fame

Bye Moony

Have fun xx

(Moony):

Bye Pads x

He quickly leaves the room, getting into the lift and making his way down to the hall where the dinner is being held. True to his word, Sirius is waiting outside with James and Lily by his side. 

“Wow Rem” Lily grins when she sees him “Look at you.”

Sirius looks up, his eyes meeting Remus’, his jaw falling slack. He blinks once, then twice, his eyes then drifting up and down, taking it all in. Remus notices, he notices it all. 

“No Harry tonight?” Remus asks.

“Nope” James answers, a grin matching his wives “Moody generously hired a babysitter for everybody to pawn their kids off to.”

“So we’re going to drink lots of wine,” Lily laughs. 

“Oh I don’t doubt that” Remus smiles. He turns his attention back to Sirius “Shall we go in?”

“I– Yeah” Sirius stumbles over his words. Lily and James go ahead, arms linked together, talking animatedly to each other. 

Remus uses this opportunity to discreetly lean in slightly, his voice dropping “You alright Sirius? You’re gawking.”

Sirius rolls his eyes “Should’ve known that was coming” He mumbles, but then his lips pull up into a smile and he says “You look good, Rem.”

“Thank you” Remus replies, his voice soft. 

Thankfully, their table consists of people that Remus already knows or has heard good things about. It's him and Sirius, James and Lily, Frank and Alice and Caradoc and his brother Hayden. They’re all chatting amongst each other and Remus is perfectly content having his own conversation with Sirius. 

“So, Remus.” Frank says, everybody turns to listen “Tell us a bit about yourself. It’s fun to have someone new around here for once.”

Remus feels as if his ears are burning with embarrassment as he says “Er, well, God you’ve put me on the spot.” He laughs awkwardly and luckily the table laughs with him.

“You’re Welsh right?” Hayden pipes up, coming to Remus’ rescue “I can tell from your accent.”

“Yeah” He confirms “I moved here about a year ago now for a teaching job and that's how I met Lily and then James and Sirius.”

“So you haven’t known each other long then?” Alice asks, her eyes sparkling with curiosity. 

“I only met Remus in April” Sirius tells her.

“Wow, a quick friendship then” Frank says, leaning back in his chair. “I’d have thought you’d all been friends for years.”

“It feels like it,” James grins at Remus.

“What do you teach Remus?” Caradoc asks before taking a sip of his drink.

“English,” Remus answers. 

“That was always my favourite subject” Hayden announces, leaning forward to rest his head on his hand.

Frank scoffs “God I hated it. No offence Remus. But then again I hated everything besides PE.”

Remus laughs awkwardly again “No offence taken. It’s not for everybody.”

“Why did you decide to leave Wales?” Hayden asks. 

Sirius’ leg hits Remus’ under the table, a silent ‘you don’t need to tell the truth’ but Remus doesn’t mind. “My boyfriend and I split up so there wasn’t much keeping me there anymore. I wanted a fresh start really, I’d been thinking about moving for a while and the position at Hogwarts was too good not to try and apply for.”

“I have heard Hogwarts has the best teachers” Alice remarks, sending a wink and a grin Lily’s way.

“Even better now that Rems joined us” She tells them all “The head of English before him was a right knob, hardly knew the difference between effect and affect.”

James frowns “What is the difference?”

The table laughs and Remus says “I’ll explain later.”

“Are you dating anybody new?” Alice asks, wiggling her eyebrows.

Frank laughs “Sorry Remus, she’s too nosy for her own good.”

“No I’m not” He says with a smile. 

“Are you looking to?” Hayden then asks, intensely looking at Remus. 

Caradoc laughs at his brother, shoving his shoulder slightly “As subtle as a brick.”

Remus feels his cheeks burning but he manages to say “No, I’m not really looking at the moment.”

Hayden just shrugs, “That's a shame.”

Sirius clears his throat beside Remus and says “I’m going to the toilet.” He says it sharply and doesn’t leave room for anybody to respond before he’s up and walking away.

Remus watches Sirius leave the table. When he looks back at the empty seat, he sees James looking at him. The rest of the table didn’t seem to notice anything, taking it in their stride and continuing conversation. James nods his head towards the door, a signal for Remus to go.

“I need the loo as well” Remus says, excusing himself.

He heads in the direction Sirius had gone. He’s not gone to the toilet, instead he’s stood outside in the small courtyard, looking up at the sky.

“You okay?” Remus asks quietly, trying not to startle him.

“I’m fine,” Sirius says, his tone unconvincing.

“Did somebody say something to upset you?” Remus continues to push, prodding him for more information, for him to be open.

Sirius’ jaw is set, his eyes looking everywhere but at Remus. “I didn’t bring you here to flirt with everyone.”

Remus reels back slightly as if he’d been hit. He feels a rush of anger and shoots back “I haven’t flirted with anyone. Grow up.”

The other man turns to glare at him now “They’ve been flirting with you though.”

“And that's my fault is it?”

Sirius’ expression falters, he looks away again and mumbles a small “Sorry.”

Remus huffs, turning back towards the entrance “I’m going back inside.”

“Wait. Remus.” Sirius stops him “I am sorry. I’m just stressed and I’m tired and I’m taking it out on you for no reason.”

Remus turns back, his anger fading “I don’t see why it’s an issue, if people flirt with me.”

Sirius chews on his bottom lip, it takes a moment before he says “It’s not. Sorry.”

Why does he feel disappointed at that? He wants Sirius to care, he wants him to have an issue with it. He wants him to finally admit it, admit that he’s been flirting with Remus, admit that he doesn’t want anybody else to. 

He needs Sirius to admit what it is between them, because this back and forth is killing him. 

“Okay” Remus says, forcing a smile.

They go back in and the rest of the dinner goes relatively smoothly. Sirius has gotten over the hump he’d been in, back to his usual chatty smiley self. Remus hates that he avoids Hayden's eyeline for the rest of the night, just to please Sirius.

When they get back up to the room later Sirius apologies again. Remus tells him it’s fine but he can’t stop the way that his mind is racing, calculating and analysing. 

Is it healthy, what they’re doing? This secret flirting, the flirting that makes Remus’ inside turn to melted butter and his heart race. He likes the way it makes him feel, he aches for that feeling when Sirius isn’t around.

But then moments like this happen. The lines are almost crossed. Sirius gets stroppy and Remus gets angry. But then Sirius apologises and Remus forgives him and they carry on like before.

When will it be enough? When will Remus decide that he can’t do this anymore?

Because he is in far too deep for Sirius Black. He’s going to get hurt.

He struggles to get to sleep, tossing and turning. He listens to the sounds of Sirius’ breathing as he sleeps, wishing he could be next to him, holding him. So when Sirius’ alarm wakes him at seven the next morning, he feels as if he hasn’t rested at all. 

“I won’t be back until late tonight” Sirius tells him, not adding any more information than that.

“Okay” Remus says sleepily. 

“Go back to sleep, Rem” Sirius says “You look shattered.”

So Remus does. He falls asleep and misses breakfast and lunch. It isn’t until Lily comes knocking on his door at three pm that he stirs at all. 

“I thought you’d died in your sleep or something” Lily says, inviting herself in.

“I didn’t think I was so tired” Remus replies “You should’ve woken me sooner.”

“Nah. You clearly needed it.” Lily smiles, sitting down on his bed “But I am really bored so I need you to get up and get ready so that we can go out.”

“To do what?” Remus asks.

“Shopping!” Lily grins.

Lily takes full advantage of James looking after Harry for the day and drags Remus to every shop within a two mile radius of their hotel. By the end of the day his feet ache and his hands are sore from carrying so many bags. Lily has at least three new dresses, four skirts and seven tops and Remus managed to come away with shit all for nothing. A successful trip as Lily said. 

The four of them eat dinner at the hotel and Remus is amazed by how good the food is. The food last night had been amazing, but he’d thought maybe that was a one off for the occasion. But no, today the food is just as good and he can’t get enough of it. 

James watches him with sad eyes as Remus demolishes his second plate. 

“I just want some fries,” James complains. 

“And then have Moody murder you in your sleep for it? No thanks” Lily responds, pointedly eating her own chip to show off. 

Later, when Hayden and Caradoc come down to dinner and pass with a polite hello and a smile, Lily asks “Why did you turn Hayden down last night?”

Remus looks over at her and shrugs “Just not interested.”

“He’s literally everything you look for in a man” Lily carries on “He’s like fucking Chris Evans and Hemsworth mixed.”

“Are you sure you’re not interested?” James remarks with a raised eyebrow.

“Maybe I would be if he wasn’t so painfully gay” Lily smirks playfully. James rolls his eyes.

“Gay” Harry choruses from next to James. All three of their eyes go wide and then they burst into laughter. Harry joins them with no clue at what they’re laughing about. 

It’s not until almost ten pm that Sirius returns, groggy and tired. He gets straight into the shower and then they both go straight to bed. There's little conversation and Remus knows better than to push Sirius when he’s like this, when he’s been around her.

After that however, Sirius is free from Walburgas grasp. She leaves Rome and flies back to London, giving Sirius back his freedom. The four of them celebrate by taking their third day to explore. They go to the stadium to look around and they eat the most amazing pasta at a small authentic restaurant. 

“Not as good as Petes, but I’ll allow it” James points out. They all agree. 

They go to the pool that evening and Lily decides afterwards to take up the opportunity to have her massage. Remus offers to look after Harry so that James can join her and that's how he and Sirius end up in the playground outside.

“I think I want children one day” Sirius says out of the blue, watching Harry tumble down a slide.

“Me too,” Remus agrees, watching Harry do the same. He then looks at Sirius and adds “I think you’d be a brilliant dad.”

Sirius grins at him and Remus thinks that he’s more beautiful than any of the sights they’d seen that day.

The days after that aren’t as fun. James and Sirius have to return to practice and Moody is overworking them to make up for the three days off he’s given them.

It has become more of a routine now. Lily, Remus and Harry will lounge around the hotel with the rest of the guests, waiting for James and Sirius to return. They’d be sweaty and exhausted by the time they’d return, complaining about Moody and their diet, wishing for a proper pizza. Then they’d all go for dinner together, sometimes taking the evening to explore, other times using it to chill in their rooms. 

Sharing with Sirius has gotten easier. He tries not to look now, purposely guiding his attention away when Sirius gets out of the shower or walks around topless. He ignores the way that his arms look or the V that disappears past what Remus can see. 

He genuinely tries. But it’s not going well. He wants nothing more than to rip the towel away with his teeth.

He’s scared if anything. He’s absolutely terrified of what liking Sirius is going to do to him. He feels like he’s on a boat heading right for the centre of a massive wave. He can’t turn around because he’s already there and there's nothing he can do to save himself. He’s going to get swallowed up into that wave and washed up to shore.

Their first game approaches quickly. Things become more tense, everybody is more nervous, Moody is angrier, the team is working harder. The day before the match he only gets to see Sirius when he comes to bed that evening. 

Yet on the day of the match, everybody is excited, buzzing to get into the stadium. Breakfast is full of everybody chatting, making predictions for the game. The first round of groups is against Slovakia, apparently an easy win. The group stages are more relaxed, it isn’t a win or lose process. If they lose they might not be immediately sent home, they’d still have two more games to redeem themselves.

“Goodluck” Remus tells Sirius before he leaves that morning.

“You’ll be watching me, won’t you?” Sirius asks him.

“Always” Remus grins.

Kick offs at three. Remus, Lily and Harry are shown to their seats in the England box. Everybodies there, nobody wants to miss the first game.  

Remus watches Sirius. Only Sirius. His eyes follow him as he walks across the pitch and takes his place on the left wing after the national anthem. The way his hair is tied back in a messy bun, a few loose strands escaping and brushing against his face in the breeze, holds Remus’ attention like nothing else. The sun catches on the slight sheen of sweat on Sirius’ skin, and Remus notices the easy confidence in the way he moves, the way he holds himself. He looks entirely in his element, as if the world exists solely for him at this moment.

Sirius stretches his arms above his head, rolling his shoulders as he readies himself for the match. His sharp, focused gaze sweeps across the field, assessing the opposition, but for a moment—just a brief second—his eyes meet Remus’. 

A small smirk tugs at the corner of Sirius’ lips and he winks. He fucking winks and Remus feels his heart skip a beat and he forgets to breathe for a moment. 

And then Sirius looks away, the whistle blows and the game starts. 

“Did Sirius Black just wink at me?!” A voice squeals from behind him.

“He totally did!” Another voice shouts.

“Oh my God!” 

Remus laughs to himself, and when he turns to look at Lily, expecting her to be laughing too, she isn’t. She’s looking at him with a confused look, her head tilted to the side and her eyebrows knitted together. 

“What?” He asks.

“Nothing” She says, looking back at the game “I just… I just noticed something.”

He laughs again, but more awkwardly this time “Something interesting?”

“Yeah,” She says. 

It’s left at that. His attention goes back to the game. Back to Sirius.

Chapter Text

Remus manages to make it one day before Lily confronts him.

England had won their first game. Sirius had scored the only goal of the game and the England fans had erupted into cheers and chants. Remus watched in pure awe as the team celebrated together. James instantly tackled Sirius into a hug, nearly sending them both to the floor, the only thing saving them was the rest of the team coming to join in. 

Remus now, definitely understands why people are so captivated by football. The tension. The charged atmosphere. The sheer energy of it all. But mostly—Sirius. Sirius running across the pitch, looking like an absolute fucking god .

Serbia hardly had a chance. The team played better than Remus could’ve ever imagined, gelling perfectly together in such a powerful way. It was intimidating, the way that they worked the ball around the pitch so effortlessly.

Sirius had instantly been dragged into pitch side interviews with Rita Skeeter, so whilst everybody else had headed back to the hotel to continue celebrating, Remus had stood outside of the dressing rooms waiting for him. 

“Oh” Sirius had seemed surprised to see him “You waited.”

“Of course,” Remus smiled, falling into step with him. “Congratulations by the way.”

Sirius grinned at him then “Maybe you’re my lucky charm.”

Remus laughed “Don’t give me the credit. That was all you.”

“Well, just in case, you need to come to every game now.” Sirius told him. 

“If I must” Remus said flippantly, but his mouth failed him and he couldn’t help but smile as he said it. “You were brilliant by the way.”

“You think?” And if Remus isn’t wrong, he could swear that Sirius Black had blushed then. 

“I think” Remus confirmed, his shoulder bumping into Sirius’ as they walked. They were both grinning ear to ear.

“Thank you," Sirius said in a much smaller voice. 

The celebrations weren’t quite what Remus had been expecting. He expected bottles of champagne, to be getting shitfaced drunk and eating shitty greasy food. But there is still a competition at hand and unfortunately the players still have to be somewhat responsible. So instead, the team gathered for a few drinks and some celebratory speeches in the main hall. 

Of course everybody had cheersed to Sirius, the man of the match, after James had given a long speech which had needed to be intercepted by Moody. 

The next day things carry on as normal. James and Sirius head off in the morning for fitness and training and Remus and Lily are left to their own devices for a few hours.

It wasn’t long before Lily pounced.

They’re sitting in the cafe, each with a book in hand whilst Harry's being entertained at the hotel's kids club. They’ve not been speaking much, preferring to sit quietly and read.

“So, when were you going to tell me you like Sirius?” She asks casually, taking a sip of her orange juice.

Remus nearly chokes on his coffee. “You’ve always known,” he says quickly, trying to downplay it.

Lily raises an eyebrow. “I knew you had a bit of a crush on him because he’s fit, which, fair enough. But this—this is different. You like him, Remus. You really like him.”

Remus looks at her, expecting her face to be stern in an ‘I told you not to do this but you did it anyway’ way, but instead, she's unjudging, a small smile playing at her lips. 

He still tries to play it off “Do I?”

Lily laughs, shaking her head. “Oh, come on, Rem. The way you look at him—it’s obvious. I can’t believe I didn’t notice it sooner.”

“And you’re not going to tell me I’m stupid?” Remus says warily “You told me so many times not to get in too deep, and I did.”

“No, I’m not,” Lily says firmly. “I was only worried because I didn’t want you to get hurt. I assumed Sirius wouldn’t be interested, and I didn’t want you to fall for him and end up heartbroken. But…” She hesitates, studying Remus’ face. “I can see I was wrong.”

“Pardon?” Remus asks, his confusion evident.

“You’re telling me nothing’s happened between you two?” Lily asks, her eyes narrowing in disbelief.

Remus blinks, caught off guard by the question. “Nothing’s happened,” he says quickly. “We’re just—friends.”

“Remus John, I didn’t have you deemed as a liar” Lily scolds him. She places her bookmark in place and closes her book, putting it back on the table. 

Remus shifts uncomfortably, his eyes darting away from Lily’s piercing gaze. “I’m not lying,” he mumbles, though the defensiveness in his voice gives him away. His face is already heating up, and he knows he isn’t fooling her. He’s not even fooling himself anymore.

Lily raises an eyebrow, leaning back in her chair with that all-too-knowing look. “Right,” she says, drawing out the word. “You know I won’t tell anybody, right? Not even James. It all stays here with us.”

Remus exhales, his shoulders slumping slightly as he realises there’s no point in trying to deflect anymore. Not with Lily. She can see right through him, and worse, he knows she means what she says. Whatever he shares with her, it stays between them. He rubs the back of his neck, still stalling.

“It’s complicated," He says finally.

“How so?” She asks.

“I just don’t know how he feels” Remus admits “He flirts with me and he gets jealous if anybody else flirts with me. But then he calls me mate and treats me the same as anybody else and it makes me feel like I’m just imagining it all.”

It practically bursts out of him, those conflicting feelings he’s been battling for weeks. The first admittal that he thinks Sirius could like him, and the doubts that it might not be true at all.

“We almost kissed once” He adds “He drove me home and we drank too much wine and I really think he was going to do it Lils, but then he didn’t and he’s not gotten close like that again since.”

He continues on, listing each small intimate moment the two of them have shared but also those moments that make him feel the opposite entirely. By the time Remus finishes, his voice is raw with the weight of it all—his confusion, his hope, his doubt. He leans back, feeling drained, as if finally speaking the words aloud has left him exposed and vulnerable in a way he hadn’t expected.

Lily, always patient, takes a deep breath before responding. “I see the way that he looks at you Rem. It isn’t nothing. It makes sense now, the change in him that James has been raving on about for weeks. You’re the change Remus. I noticed small things, like how he’d stormed off from dinner when Hayden had flirted with you, or how pissed off he looked every time I mentioned Benji, but I never understood what they meant until now–I just thought he was being a moody git.”

“I just don’t want to push him into something he isn’t ready for” Remus says dejectedly, his voice tired. 

“It’s different for them.” Lily begins “They’ve got these media personalities that they’ve got to pretend to be. James has to be this happy go lucky man all of the time, but sometimes he isn’t. Sometimes he’s sad, or angry, or he might just feel nothing at all. But if there’s a camera, he needs to be smiling regardless of how he might feel inside.”

“Whether Sirius likes men or not, whether he’s ready to admit it to himself or to anyone else, it’s not something he can just be open about,” Lily continues, her tone serious now. “Not with Walburga controlling everything, and definitely not with the way the world treats men in football. You know how it is. People think they’ve got to fit into this narrow idea of masculinity. And being gay? That doesn’t fit into their picture of who a footballer should be. I mean, have you ever heard of an openly gay footballer? Not one. And we both know that’s not because they don’t exist. And Sirius… he might know who he is. He might be ready in his heart, but he can’t be that person. Not yet. And that probably terrifies him.”

“Oh” Remus manages, unable to find his words. 

“James had to keep me a secret for a year before we could start going out together publicly as a couple. We’d already moved in together by the time the media had found out we were together and it was the most terrifying first few weeks. Luckily, his PR team had made sure that my social media accounts were private and any information I didn’t want everybody to know was hidden away. But within hours everybody knew who I was, where I was from, what I looked like, where I went to school and people didn’t like me. There were women who thought that they’d have a chance with James, they blamed me for ruining it, getting in the way.”

Lily had never spoken to Remus about this before. It was long before they’d even met. Lily and James have been together for eight years and Remus has only known them for one. 

They’d met in school but Lily had only given James a chance once they’d left. Remus recalls Lily telling him that they’d reconnected at a party and she’s realised perhaps James wasn’t the knob she thought he was all along.

She must have been barely twenty whilst all of this was going on. The hate, the death threats, the pure invasions of privacy.

“He wasn't even famous like Sirius is. James was just breaking into the big leagues, but the press doesn’t care about that. It almost ruined our whole relationship. I was so close to giving up and leaving because I couldn’t handle it. But James wouldn’t let me and I’m so glad he didn’t.”

“But even thinking about what it would be like for you and Sirius— it makes me feel sick to my stomach Rem. He might like you, and he might be ready to be with you but it’s not as simple as finally kissing you and admitting his feelings. It would change everything for him. Everything .”

Her final words hang heavy in the air between them. He knows this, he knows how horrific the media can be, but hearing it from Lily's own perspective, her own experiences, it really opens his eyes to the unseen horrors. 

He hasn’t even let himself think that far ahead. It’s hard enough just navigating his feelings and trying to figure out where Sirius stands without imagining the public scrutiny that would follow if they ever… if anything ever happens between them.

He stares down at his hands, his breathing unsteady.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore” He mumbles.

Lily frowns “Are you sure? It won’t be doing you any good to hold it all in.”

“I’m done talking about it Lily” Remus snaps, he feels instantly guilty at the harshness in his voice. 

Lily watches him carefully, her eyes soft with understanding, but she doesn't push. Instead, she gives him a small nod and picks up her book again.

He knows what Lily is saying is true, and it scares him. He’s always been careful with his feelings, never allowing himself to get too wrapped up in anything that could hurt him. But with Sirius, it’s different. Sirius isn’t just some fleeting crush, some passing fancy. He’s someone Remus could see himself with— wants to see himself with.

But how? How could they ever make it work, with the whole world watching, waiting for a slip-up? The thought of the media tearing into Sirius, of fans turning on him, of the scrutiny and judgement—it makes Remus feel sick. And worse, the idea that it could all fall apart before it even starts—that Sirius might never be ready to be open about who he is—it terrifies him.

Remus wants a boyfriend. He wants to be loved. He’d hide for Sirius, but he couldn’t do it forever. He wants to walk hand in hand and be passionate about who he is and who he loves. He doesn’t want to live in fear, not after he spent so many years feeling that way when he first realised he liked men.

Would Sirius ever even make the move? Will he carry on like this with Remus forever? Will he ever truly put himself first?

It’s conflicting. He wants to wait for him, carry on as normal until the day maybe comes and Sirius finally chooses him. But at the same time, it’s hurting him. Flirting in secret, the almost kisses. In the moment, they’re so lovely, so worth it. But then they’re around everybody else and Remus is nothing more than a friend. 

They share these private intimate moments, and they mean so much to him yet he can't grasp what they mean to Sirius— if they mean anything at all. 

He can’t even be sure Sirius wants him. It could all be a game to him, some fun to pass the time. He’d hope that isn’t true, but how can he be sure? Sirius is so hard to read, impossible to understand. Is he imagining the connection? Or worse— projecting it because he wants it so badly?

Remus’s mind churns with doubt as he stares down at the coffee cup in his hands. The warmth from it feels distant, almost disconnected from the cold swirl of uncertainty inside him. He doesn't even realise how tightly he’s gripping the handle until his knuckles whiten.

Remus sets the coffee down, staring at the table as if the answers are hidden somewhere in the grain of the wood. But they’re not. The only answers lie with Sirius, and asking him? Confronting him? The idea of it makes Remus’s heart race with anxiety.

What if he’s wrong? What if he brings it up and Sirius laughs it off or, even worse, pulls away entirely? The thought of losing what they have now, even if it’s not exactly what Remus wants, is unbearable.

He’s torn.

His phone pings in his pocket, the perfect distraction.

(Padfoot):

Moony I’m bored

Talk to me

Remus had always been a lonely child. He never quite fit in with the other boys, never quite understanding why. He really did try, but nobody ever seemed to like him as much as he liked them. He had a few friends in school, none that stayed in contact afterwards– any that were left eventually stopped speaking to him when he met Fen. 

Fen didn’t like him having friends. He wanted to be the only person Remus needed, pushing him away from everybody else, isolating him. And then Fen left him for another man and he was alone again, no friends to turn to. 

It was his own fault really for letting it happen, but in the moment, he was so blinded, so in love. He thought he’d be with Fen forever, he wanted to do what was right by their relationship. He’d never been in one before, he thought it was normal and nobody cared enough to tell him it wasn’t.

So when he met Lily, a true friend, he was overwhelmed. She treated him with so much kindness, honesty and care. He’d never met anybody like her before, he’d never been treated that way before. It upset him a little, to think about how much he’d needed a friend like her years earlier. She’d shown him what real friendship looked like, and for the first time, Remus understood that love—real love, whether romantic or platonic—didn’t have to be controlling or suffocating. It could be freeing.

It’s not to say he’s surrounded by friends now. He has Lily and James. Sirius too. He’s friendly with people from work but he doesn’t quite understand where he stands with them outside of work, whether they’re colleagues or genuine friends.

But then there was Padfoot. The friend who had appeared out of nowhere, who had messaged him by accident and somehow became one of the most important people in his life. It was uncanny how much Padfoot understood him, how easily their conversations flowed, how safe Remus felt talking to him. There was an honesty between them that Remus craved, a deep connection that felt almost too good to be true. 

It sounds silly but sometimes he wonders if it was fate that Padfoot had messaged him that night. His lucky angels guided them together because they knew he was what Remus needed. 

(Moony):

I could use the distraction 

(Padfoot):

Should we do todays wordle 

And heardle 

And connections

(Moony):

You never win when we do these

And you’re a sore loser Pads

(Padfoot):

I’m determined to win this time

Padfoot doesn’t win, and like always he goes on a rant about how unfair it was and how he would’ve won under other circumstances. Remus smiles at his phone, his mind temporarily forgetting about what had been plaguing it minutes before.

“God. What's Padfoot saying to have you smiling like that?” Lily laughs, looking up from her book.

“He’s complaining that today's Connections was biassed” Remus tells her “Because it was literature related and I teach literature.”

“I thought you hadn’t told him anything personal” Lily points out.

“I-” Remus begins, but then he pauses to think. He doesn’t remember telling Padfoot what he teaches, but how else would he know “I must’ve accidentally mentioned it.”

Lily looks unsure but then changes the subject completely “How many did you get the Wordle in?”

“Three” 

“Ha” She brags “I got it in two.”

The team tie their next game, 1-1 against Denmark. It’s a tougher game but the team plays well regardless. James assists the goal which was scored by Barty Crouch, but somehow Sirius was still taken away for a post match interview. 

The Nike ad that he’d done had finally been released and Rita Skeeter is insistent on interviewing him about it. But like last time, her questions eventually warp into personal ones, overstepping far too many boundaries.

Remus waits for Sirius again, awkwardly leaning against a wall and staring down at his shoes until he hears the dressing room doors open.

“That fucking bitch” Sirius grumbles, walking out with a face of thunder.

“What did she ask this time?” Remus asks, stepping away from the wall and falling into step beside him.

“She had lots to say about mine and Mary's relationship and then she asked what brand of underwear I wear — as if that's a completely normal question to ask.”

Remus snorts in disbelief. “What did you even say to that?”

Sirius glances sideways at him with a mischievous smirk. “I told her I don’t wear any.”

Remus bursts out laughing, the sound echoing off the stadium walls as they make their way out. “Oh, God, you didn’t.”

“Oh, but I did,” Sirius says with a grin. “Shut her up, didn’t it?”

Remus shakes his head, still laughing. “You’re something else, Black.”

“Just wait until the article comes out. She’ll probably twist my words and say I’m an exhibitionist or something,” Sirius groans. “She asked me about you too.”

“What do you mean?” Remus asks nervously.

“She said she’d noticed you’re often with me and she asked who you are and what my relationship with you is.” Sirius explains, he notices Remus’ nervous expression and adds “I didn’t answer her questions. Marlene stepped in actually, told her not to ask questions about you again.”

“Oh. Okay. Thank you” Remus sighs, relieved. Thank God for Marlene.

“Come on” Sirius shoots him a smile “I’m starving and I want to try and room service a pizza without Moody noticing.”

He never does get his pizza. Moody's like a sniffer dog and he somehow intercepts it on its way to Sirius’ room. He then texts Sirius a photo of him eating it and tells him to order something in their meal plan.

Sirius is fuming but Remus finds it utterly hilarious.

Their next match is a few days later. It's the final match of the group stage. As long as they don’t lose, they’ll be through to the round of sixteens.

At team dinner the night before the meal, Moody stands up and announces, “If you win the match tomorrow, I’ll give you all a day off on Monday.”

Sirius grins and whispers to Remus “I’ll take you into Rome.”

“You’re that certain you’ll win?” Remus teases.

“Of course. Now that I’ve got a motive.” Sirius shoots back.

They do win. 2-1 against Slovakia. Remus, Lily and Harry all go crazy when Sirius scores the second goal in the last five minutes, jumping up and down and joining in on the chants. Harry giggles and claps on Remus’ shoulders and Remus can't help the big soppy grin on his face.

Outside of the dressing rooms, James comes running out to lift both Lily and Harry into a hug.

“How brilliant was that?” James grins, kissing them both on the foreheads.

“So brilliant” Lily giggles, her pale freckled cheeks blushed a bright pink.

James approaches Remus next, giving him a huge smooch on the cheek which makes Remus grimace and Lily laugh. 

“I just love that you’re here Remus” James declares, patting him fondly on the back.

Remus wipes his cheek exaggeratedly, rolling his eyes with a smile. "Yeah, yeah, Potter. Don't get too sentimental on me now."

James just grins, clearly still riding the high of the win. "You know you love it," he teases before turning back to Lily and Harry, his excitement still bubbling over as he scoops Harry into his arms.

“What are your plans for your day off then?” Remus asks them.

“This one” James says, pointing to Harry “is going to the kids club for the day, and we” he now points between him and Lily “are going to have lots of sex.”

Lily rolls her eyes but she’s smiling “And then we’re going out for a fancy dinner in the evening.” 

Remus laughs, “Sounds ideal.”

Sirius appears a few minutes later, his hair still wet from the post match shower. He somehow managed to escape an interview this time, likely much to Walburga's dismay. 

“What are your plans for tomorrow?” Lily asks them both after the initial congratulations.

“I’m taking Remus into Rome” Sirius grins.

Lily shoots Remus a pointed look, her eyebrows raised “What do you have planned?”

Sirius notices the look, Remus can tell. He looks confused but also somehow amused. “It’s a surprise actually.”

“He wont tell me” Remus adds, deadpanned.

“Remus hates surprises,” Lily laughs. “I tried to do a surprise birthday thing at the pub with some people from work but he kept demanding to know what was going on and literally refused to get out of the car until I told him. His poker face was horrendous too, absolutely no acting skills whatsoever.”

“I don’t like being left in the dark” Remus defends himself.

“Well you’ll need to deal with it” Sirius tells him “It’ll be nicer if you let me keep it a surprise.”

“Will you tell us what it is, at least" James bargains. 

Sirius smirks “I’ll tell you later.”

Remus rolls his eyes, “That isn’t fair.”

“A little surprise isn’t going to kill you Remus” Lily says “Just live in the moment for once.”

Remus flips her the bird. 

The next morning, Sirius insists that they need to wake up early to see the Trevi Fountain before the crowds, which is why his alarm blares at  five am, making Remus groan. 

He should be used to this now, waking up early to Sirius’ alarm. But he isn’t. No matter how many mornings he does this, each time he wants to shrivel up and die just to sleep for longer. 

Sirius always wakes up chipper as anything, getting straight out of bed and into the shower to get ready for the day, whilst a groggy Remus lies in bed and considers death for at least twenty minutes each morning. 

He’s a teacher, so it’s not like he can sleep in until late. But he likes to sleep for as long as possible, even if that means having no time to get ready or eat before he has to leave. And then on weekends he’ll sleep all morning and lie in bed until noon. 

Remus just loves sleeping, and right now he really hates Sirius Black for making him get up at the crack ass of dawn. He doesn’t understand it. Why would Sirius not vitalise his one morning off for a big fat lie in? Does he genuinely enjoy getting up so early? HOW can anybody enjoy that? 

“Come on Remus!” Sirius calls out “You can sleep when you’re dead.”

“You’ll be dead in a minute” Remus grunts in response.

But realistically, if Remus is going to be awoken at five am by anybody, he’s happy that it’s Sirius Black.

“I’ll go and get you a coffee” Sirius announces, now fully ready before Remus has even gotten out of bed. “Be ready by the time I get back.”

“Fine” Remus says, wiping his eyes “A black coffee with—”

“With two sugars. Yes.” Sirius interrupts, he opens the door but just before he leaves, repeats “Be ready Remus.”

Remus does get ready, washing his face in hopes that it’ll wake him up before changing into what he thinks is appropriate for the day. Sirius was wearing shorts and a shirt, so Remus copies and puts on some shorts and a shirt. 

Sirius is still yet to give him any indication of what he’s gotten planned. He knows they’re starting at the Trevi Fountain and ending the day somewhere for dinner, but the surprise he’s talked so much about really has remained a surprise and Remus hates it. 

It’s a hot day, far hotter than anything he’s ever experienced in England or Wales and rivalling the temperatures from his one month of travelling. Remus doesn’t do great in the head, so he remembers suncream in order to not burn bright red and embarrass himself in front of Sirius.

It’s crossed his mind that surely it should’ve been him to plan a surprise for Sirius. Sirius was the one that played the football and scored the goal, yet he’s using his day off to surprise Remus and treat him to a day out. Shouldn’t he be the one treating Sirius, buying him dinner and taking him to secret places? God is he being a shitty friend for not planning something?

Luckily, before he can start to spiral even further, the door swings open and Sirius steps in with two coffees and two bags of pastries. 

“Brilliant. You’re up” Sirius grins “I thought you’d still be in bed.”

Remus looks up at him, chewing on his bottom lip “Can you let me buy lunch. Please?”

Sirius’ grin softens into a smile, noticing Remus’ anxious energy and what's bothering him. “If you insist. I’ll just have to get the most expensive thing on the menu.”

Remus laughs despite himself “And I’ll just eat water.”

Half an hour later, they’re standing in front of the Trevi Fountain. Sirius was right to come at this time, it’s barely 6am and there are already a few small crowds of people doing the same. It’s a tourist trap really, but one that you cannot go to Rome and not see.

“Do you have a penny for a wish?” Sirius asks.

“If I throw a handful of pennies do I get a handful of wishes? Because I’ve got months worth of penny build up.” 

“Maybe just one really strong wish?” Sirius suggests.

“What are you wishing for?” Remus asks.

“I can’t tell you or it won’t come true” Sirius tells him, digging a penny from his wallet.

Remus does actually throw a handful of pennies in, hoping that maybe Sirius is right and maybe it will make one strong, lucky wish.

Because of course he wished for Sirius.

People start to notice Sirius eventually and they have to make a quick getaway back into the car Sirius has hired for the day. It’s getting busier now, tourists coming with cameras and those stupid visors which don’t even protect your scalp— what is actually the point in them?

“Sorry” Sirius apologises “I didn’t really think that people might notice me.”

“We literally drove past your face on a billboard earlier” Remus laughs “It’s okay though. I don’t mind. I’ll just pretend they’re all here for me.”

“Maybe they are here for you M–Remus.” Sirius says, a panicked look crossing his face.

Remus eyes Sirius carefully “What did you almost call me?”

Sirius doesn’t answer for a second “Mate. I almost said mate.”

He could’ve sworn he almost said Moony. 

But maybe he’s imagining things.

“You can call me mate if you want” Remus shrugs, ignoring it “But I can’t say I’m a very matey guy, am I?”

“Anybody can be a matey guy if they want to be” Sirius smiles.

After that minor slip up, they lull in and out of silence for a while.

“Can I know where you’re taking me now?” Remus asks. 

Sirius considers it “You’ll see in a minute. We aren’t far away.”

Remus huffs “Fine. It isn’t something extravagant, is it?”

“Depends what you’d consider extravagant.” Sirius quips. 

“Sirius” Remus warns.

“You’ll love it Remus” Sirius says “But you need to let yourself enjoy it.”

The car stops a moment later. Sirius thanks the driver and the two of them get out.

“A museum?” Remus questions.

“The Palazzo Colonna” Sirius tells him “Come on.”

Remus raises an eyebrow as they approach the grand entrance of the Palazzo Colonna. The ornate façade looms above them, majestic and historical, but eerily devoid of the usual tourist buzz. The lack of crowds is almost unsettling.

"Sirius," Remus starts, his tone cautious. "Why is it so quiet? Did you rent out a museum?"

Sirius smirks, clearly enjoying himself. "Maybe.”

Remus blinks, momentarily speechless “ Sirius . I- That must’ve cost a fortune.” 

“Remus” Sirius warns “ For once just let somebody treat you how you deserve to be treated.”

Oh . 

“Sorry that was–” Sirius begins to apologise. 

“It’s fine ” Remus cuts him off “I’m sorry.”

Sirius grabs his arm, turning Remus towards him “It’s not fine. I shouldn't have said that, I just- I want to spend a day alone with you, just us, without being interrupted by people wanting photos or autographs. I just want to be Sirius today, regular Sirius.”

Remus swallows, noticing how close their faces are. He swallows his pride, for once, looking into those grey pleading eyes. “Okay, regular Sirius.

Sirius smiles, stepping away. “Come on.” 

They’re greeted at the door by staff who smile at them both and treat Sirius like he’s royalty. They’re impeccably polite, letting them know that if they need anything they’ll be staying where they are now.

As Remus steps through the grand entrance of the Palazzo Colonna, he’s immediately struck by the overwhelming opulence of it all. The ceilings seem impossibly high, vaulted and painted with elaborate frescoes, each scene telling a story from long ago. Bright, rich colours—deep blues, gilded golds, soft pinks, and lush greens—merge together to depict mythological figures, ancient battles, and gods peering down at them from the heavens. The craftsmanship is awe-inspiring, every brushstroke expertly laid, creating an otherworldly atmosphere that feels almost sacred.

Long, flowing tapestries hang along the walls, their delicate threads woven with intricate patterns that have withstood the centuries. Each one tells its own story—scenes of royal courts, hunting parties, and pastoral landscapes. Each statue is an artwork unto itself, meticulously carved from cool white marble, their smooth forms frozen in elegant poses—gods, heroes, and figures of classical antiquity standing like silent guardians watching over their journey through time.

The art on the walls is almost overwhelming in its scale and beauty. Massive oil paintings stretch from floor to ceiling, framed in gold. Portraits of long-dead nobles stare out at them from behind layers of varnish, their expressions frozen in time, each face painted with lifelike precision. The paintings feel alive, like they might burst from the frame at any moment.

The gallery itself seems to stretch on forever, winding corridors that open into grand halls and smaller. 

Remus turns to Sirius, to see that Sirius is only looking at him. They’re in a room full of ancient art works, statues, tapestries. But he’s looking at Remus.

“Sirius I-” But he’s lost for words, truly and utterly. Their eyes meet and for a moment they stay like that, watching each other when they should be watching everything around them. 

How is it that Sirius makes him feel like he’s better than all of these artworks combined? Like he was shaped by the gods or the most brilliant artists? 

Remus has never felt so seen in his life and that terrifies him.

Sirius blinks, as if snapping out of a trance. He shifts awkwardly, clearing his throat. “Sorry. I—uh. I just... you look—” He falters, and Remus swears he sees a hint of pink creeping up Sirius’ cheeks.

“I look... what?” Remus presses, half curious, half terrified of the answer.

“Nothing,” Sirius shakes his head quickly, his usual confidence wavering for a second. “You just look... happy. I’m glad.”

Sirius shifts on his feet, clearly uncomfortable with the moment. He tucks a strand of hair behind his ear, his fingers brushing against the side of his face in a way that makes Remus want to reach out and touch him too. But instead, he shoves his hands into his pockets, gripping the fabric so tightly his knuckles turn white.

He takes a deep breath, forcing a smile. “It’s beautiful here,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper as he looks around the room.

Sirius nods, glancing at Remus with a softer smile this time. “It is.”

They begin to walk slowly through the gallery, moving from room to room, but Remus feels oddly detached. The marble statues, the towering oil paintings, the delicate tapestries—all of it is stunning, yes, but it’s nothing compared to the pull of the man next to him. Every time Sirius moves, Remus is hyper-aware of the subtle shifts in his body, the way his fingers occasionally brush his side, the sound of his steady breath beside him.

They stop in front of a large painting, some Renaissance masterpiece depicting a battle Remus can’t name, but he hardly looks at it. Instead, he sneaks glances at Sirius, at the way his face softens in the quiet, at the way his lips part slightly as if he’s deep in thought.

Eventually, they wander into the final room, the grand gallery with its towering ceilings and rows of sculptures lining the walls. It’s breathtaking, almost overwhelming in its beauty, and for a moment, they both just stand there, taking it all in.

“This is insane,” Remus mutters under his breath, more to himself than to Sirius.

“Yeah,” Sirius agrees quietly, but when Remus glances at him, he realises Sirius isn’t looking at the art. He’s looking at him again, like he has been all day.

“Sirius?” Remus asks, his voice catching in his throat.

Sirius blinks, snapping out of whatever trance he was in. “Yeah?”

Remus hesitates, wanting to ask why , wanting to know what’s going on in Sirius’ head, but something stops him. Instead, he just says, “Thanks. For all of this.”

Sirius’ face softens, his smile genuine. “You don’t have to thank me, Remus. I wanted to.”

They stand there for another moment, the weight of unsaid things hanging between them, but Remus doesn’t push. Not yet. He’s not sure if he’s ready for what might happen if he does.

As they exit the museum and step into the blinding mid-morning sun, Sirius reaches out and casually places a hand on Remus’ shoulder, guiding him toward a quiet café around the corner. The gesture is so small, so simple, but it sends a shockwave through Remus’ body, making him hyper-aware of every place their skin touches.

He’s in trouble. He knows that now.

Because he loves Sirius Black. 

But he won’t admit that to himself yet. He’s Remus Lupin after all, what is he without his careful walls, well-worn defences and constant self sabotage?

Chapter Text

Remus Lupin wakes up in a bed that isn’t his. He also isn’t alone.

His eyes shoot open and he’s acutely aware of the person laying on his chest, their bodies pressed together. Their breathing steady and their hair an unruly mess of dark curls, splayed across his chest.

Fuck .

He hadn’t meant to fall asleep in Sirius’ bed. They’d gotten home from their day in the city, hungry and exhausted. After the museum they’d spent the rest of their day talking in small cafes and walking through beautiful local parks. 

When Remus had gotten out of the shower, it was to find Sirius lying on the right side of his own bed, almost hidden under the covers.

“Remus.” Sirius said softly. He had patted the empty space beside him, barely looking up, as though it were a given that Remus would join him. And without thinking, without questioning what it meant, Remus had done exactly that.

They ordered too much food and watched the first two hunger games. It must’ve been in the third one that he had fallen asleep, too exhausted to keep his eyes open any longer, not even recognising that he needed to move back to his own bed. 

Now here he is, tangled in Sirius Blacks bed with absolutely no fucking clue what to do.

Remus blinks, mind racing, heart pounding—until he feels it. Something unmistakable.

Oh no.

Hes got a fucking boner.

He freezes, trying to process. His own body betrays him first—the obvious hardness in his pyjama bottoms—but worse, much worse, is the fact that Sirius is also hard, pressed against his hip. 

Remus feels like the air’s been knocked out of him, panic and something else—something dangerous—flooding his senses.

This is not happening.

Sirius shifts slightly, letting out a soft sigh as he buries his face further into Remus' neck, his arm tightening around his waist like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Remus feels a wave of heat flood through him, making it harder to breathe, to think.

I need to move. I have to get out of here.

But he can't. His body refuses to cooperate, locked in place by the press of Sirius’ body, by the feel of him so close, so warm, and—

Remus clenches his jaw, trying to will his own arousal away, but it’s useless. His pulse is racing, and every second feels like a thousand years. If Sirius wakes up and realises— fuck what would they even say? How do two friends play that off as normal?

Sirius stirs again, shifting just slightly, his knee brushing up against Remus’ leg in a way that sends a fresh wave of panic—and longing—through him. Remus bites down on his lip to keep from making a sound, trying desperately to stay still, praying Sirius doesn’t wake up.

He’s still asleep. Please stay asleep.

He’s not sure what time it is, it must be early because Sirius’ alarm hasn’t gone off. Carefully, he starts to untangle himself from Sirius, moving inch by inch, trying not to disturb the peaceful rise and fall of Sirius’ chest. 

He manages to slip out from under Sirius’ arm, his heart hammering in his chest as he sits on the edge of the bed. 

He’s never been a particularly stealthy man, or a lucky one because of course Sirius stirs, his eyes opening slightly. “Remus?” He mumbles quietly.

He clears his throat, scrambling for an excuse, any excuse. “Uh—yeah, just... bathroom,” he mutters, his voice too tight, too quick.

“M’kay” Sirius says softly, barely awake.

He slips into the bathroom, closing the door with a shaky hand and locking it behind him. Leaning against the cool wood, he squeezes his eyes shut. His pulse pounds in his ears, and he can still feel the warmth of Sirius' body pressed against his own.

He washes his face and waits it out. Eventually, after God knows how long, he hears the sound of Sirius’ alarm and shuffling in the room.

There's then a knock on the door. “Remus? Are you alright?”

“Yeah sorry. Two seconds.” He calls back. 

He takes one last deep breath, hoping that Sirius hadn’t noticed anything, that he’d woken up bonerless and clueless. 

But then he opens the door and the look on Sirius’ face instantly tells him everything he needs to know. 

He can’t even look Remus in the eye.

“I, erm, I’m going for a run.” Remus announces. Much to his own surprise. He doesn’t run, he’s never ran before in his life. 

“Oh okay” Sirius says quietly “See you later then?”

“Yep” Remus says shortly, avoiding eye contact. 

He changes whilst Sirius is in the bathroom, a cowards move but one to avoid any more awkwardness than what's already ensued. He leaves quickly, almost forgetting to grab his phone. 

A run was an optimistic decision, because the second he gets outside into the heat he wonders how the hell Sirius and James actually play a full ninety minutes of football in it. 

He ends up deciding to just walk, a perfect way to think about what the fuck has just happened and how they’re going to pretend that it hadn’t.

(Moony):

Emergency

Emergency

Help

(Padfoot):

You okay Moons?

(Moony):

No

I can never go back there

(Padfoot):

What are you on about?

(Moony):

I’ve lost any dignity i had left 

(Padfoot):

I thought you’d lost it all a long time ago

(Moony):

Ouch?

Kicking me whilst I’m down

(Padfoot):

STOP PRATTING ABOUT

AND TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED

(Moony):

I’ll paint the scene

The footballer wants to watch a film

So we’re both in his bed

I fall asleep there and he doesn’t wake me up to tell me to move

I wake up this morning and he’s on top of me

We’re like actually cuddling 

AND IVE GOT A FUCKING BONER

HARD AS A ROCK

(Padfoot):

Oh my God

Oh my GOD

I’m speechless

Did he notice?

(Moony):

I was hoping he hadn’t

I thought I’d gotten up without him noticing 

But then he couldn’t look me in the eye 

He definitely noticed 

(Padfoot):

Somebody has it out for you up there Moons

Because that is SO SO SO SO SO unfortunate 

Can you play it off as a morning stiffy 

(Moony):

Maybe if it was just me 

But he was also

You know

(Padfoot):

WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THAT SOONER

OH MY GOD???

MOONY

(Moony):

Fuck fuck fuck

How am I supposed to act normal after that

(Padfoot):

You could 

Idk

JUST TALK TO HIM

For once

“REMUS!” Somebody calls. 

Remus puts his phone into his pocket, unintentionally ignoring Padfoot's messages completely. Good riddance though, there was no way Padfoot was going to persuade him into talking to Sirius about their mutual boners. He will die on the hill of never, ever, ever mentioning it again.

He turns to see Marlene, her blonde hair tied back into a slick ponytail, in full running gear, jogging towards him.

“Hiya Marls” He smiles. 

He and Marlene have become fast friends over the last week or so. They’re often caught in small conversations on the sidelines, making jokes about the players and bonding over their love for Queen. 

Marlene's quite cool, he’s decided.

“You off on a run?” She asks, stopping her run to walk aside him.

“I thought about it but then I remembered who I am.” Remus tells her.

She laughs, throwing her head back in a way that makes her ponytail swing behind her. “A walk then?”

Remus nods. 

“Mind if I join you?” She asks “I’ve just done a little 10k so I could use a cooldown.”

Remus’ eyes widen “Little?”

“Me and my wife run marathons.” Marlene informs him “But she kind of hates it and she only does it because I like it. Annoying as fuck because shes a stronger runner than I am. Sometimes after we finish a marathon I feel dead and she looks like she could run another one.”

Remus smiles “Is Dorcas coming out to visit at any point, I’d love to meet her.”

“God you and her’d get on like a house on fire” Marlene says “Yeah she’ll hopefully come up for the finals, if we make it that far.”

“How long have you been together?” 

“Coming up nine years. That's why she’s visiting. Actually, it’s our three year wedding anniversary next week.” 

“Wow” Remus says in awe. “The longest I’ve managed is five.”

“It feels like nothing if it’s with the right person” She tells him, “Speaking of, how long have you and Sirius been together?”

Remus almost stops walking, his jaw dropping. “No. No. We aren’t together — just friends.”

…Who occasionally almost kiss and get boners over each other.

“Oh?” Marlene looks surprised. She then raises an eyebrow and says “But you want to be?”

“I- No I-” Remus stumbles over his words embarrassingly, his cheeks turning a crimson shade of red.

“You’re not fooling anybody,Remus” Marlene laughs “If you’re not together then you damn well want to be.”

Remus groans, rubbing his face in frustration, feeling like he's been caught out in some giant, cosmic joke. “No getting anything past you, is there?”

“Nope” She says with a smug smile “Why else do you think Moody personally picked me as his assistant?”

“Because you’re as scary as he is?”

“I am not scary!” She insists “I’m just a little bit harsh sometimes.”

“I’m not sure, I saw you chase Fabian down when he’d gotten a muffin from the hotel cafe.”

Marlene grins “It really feeds my ego that I can outrun an England football player.”

“I’m sure it does.” 

“Don’t think changing the subject is getting you off the hook” 

Remus lets out an exaggerated sigh, knowing full well he’s cornered. "I was hoping you’d forgotten."

"Forgotten? Please, you’ve just handed me prime gossip material on a silver platter, mate. So, are you going to admit it now, or do I have to drag it out of you?"

"Admit what?" Remus tries, feigning innocence.

Marlene gives him a pointed look.

“Fine. Yes, I like him. No,we aren’t together. No, nothing has happened. And no, I don’t know if anything will ever happen. Yes, I am a stupid fucking idiot.” He confesses.

Her grin falters, “I don’t think you’re an idiot. It’s perfectly normal to like him.”

“It’s just– of all the people it has to be one of my closest friends.” He tells her.

“Dorcas was my best friend before we got together. We’ve known each other since we were eleven and I’ve probably loved her since we were fourteen.” Marlene says “We danced around each other for a decade before I finally just bit the bullet and kissed her. Just to find out she’d loved me for just as long.”

“I don’t think it would be like that for us” Remus frowns “It’s different for him. I don’t even know if he’s into men.”

“Are we thinking of the same Sirius Black? Gay as they come?”

Remus rolls his eyes “You can’t just assume that.”

“Sorry, I know” She admits “But I would bet my house on it. My gaydar is fabulous.”

“Clearly not if it took you ten years to finally kiss Dorcas.”

Marlene hits him on the arm “Okay, I have blindspots. Maybe Sirius is yours.”

“Even if he is… he can’t really be gay, can he?” 

“I-” Marlene pauses “It would be hard, really fucking hard. But that doesn’t mean he can’t.”

Remus runs a hand through his hair. “It just feels a bit impossible.” He admits.

“I get that” 

They walk in silence for a moment. Until Marlene eventually breaks it.

“I’ve been trying to persuade Sirius to hire Dorcas as his manager instead of that Walburga bitch, for as long as I’ve been working here.” She tells him “But he won’t drop her.”

“Dorcas manages?” 

“She’s been doing it for years, very good, very professional. She's got this knack for handling people, making them feel heard, but also steering them in the right direction without them realising it. Walburga’s got her claws in him though. She doesn’t do much for his image, but she’s family.”

Remus just listsends, not saying much. 

“She works especially with people who have to hide something. Sexuality, family, relationships.” She continues “But she also helps them to go about revealing things on their own terms in a comfortable way. She’s brilliant at it. One of her clients, bent as a circle, sleeps with half of London and nobody has a clue.”

“Impressive” Remus remarks. 

“I think she’d be good for Sirius– if he ever decides that he needs somebody different. Because Walburga is doing an absolutely shite job of it. The Mary relationship is so obviously PR, it’s horrendous. And all of these interviews she makes him do are so… out of character for him.”

Remus nods in agreement “The person she’s created isn’t the person he is at all.”

"He’s always been so private, though," Remus says, glancing at Marlene. "I can’t imagine he’d ever feel comfortable putting himself out there like that, even if he wanted to."

"That’s where Dorcas comes in," Marlene explains. "She’d give him control. Let him decide how much or how little he wants to reveal, without any of the pressure. It’s a balancing act—privacy without being a puppet, y’know?"

Remus raises an eyebrow, intrigued. "You really think she could get him out from under Walburga’s thumb?"

Marlene shrugs. "Maybe. But only if he’s ready to make that choice himself. It’s tricky with family, especially with someone like her. She’s done a number on him. Slytherin’s awful too, bigoted in every way. Sirius is the only nice player I’ve ever met from that team, they’re all snobby pricks who think the sun shines out of their arse. You’ve met Lucius right?”

Remus nods “He is a bit of a prick.”

“Hmm” She hums in agreement “Such a prick. Slytherin’s competitive, hence why Walburgas constantly got Sirius strung in every possible direction. She wants him to be the best amongst a group of people who are also determined to be the best.”

“Do you think he’s ever leave Slytherin?” Remus asks.

“In a heartbeat.” Marlene answers. She’s got an apple watch on, she checks it and then says “Come on, let's go back, I’ve met my goal for today.”

“Me too, probably,” Remus agrees.

“We walked for fifteen minutes.” Marlene deadpans.

“Yeah? That's a lot.”

She laughs “How’re you so lazy but so in shape?”

“Genetics” He grins.

Marlene joined him and Lily for the day in the pool, playing happily with Harry in his rubber ring with his absolutely huge arm bands on. Even though Harry's been in the pool, every, single, day, he still squeals with excitement each time and jumps right in before he or Lily are ready to catch him. 

That's where James and Sirius find them later. They’re both in swimshorts to join them and Remus can’t help it, he’s seen it enough times now that it shouldn’t make his heart spike up like this, but he lets his eyes travel down. Sirius just looks so good topless.

“Oh no Sirius” James says playfully “We’ve left and they’ve turned into merpeople!”

Harry giggles happily, knowing what's about to go down. James jumps in, getting all of them wet. He moves his legs like a tail, rather impressively so, until he resurfaces beside Harry.

“Come on Sirius!” Marlene calls out to Sirius who is still standing by the side of the pool “You can’t be the only human.”

Sirius rolls his eyes “Fine. But I just washed my hair.”

The second Sirius gets in the pool Marlene dunks him. 

“I hate you, you cow” Sirius grumbles, pushing the wet hair from his face.

Marlene laughs before swiftly turning back to her conversation with Lily, the two of them deciding to swim some lengths. Much to Remus’ despair, that leaves him and Sirius standing beside each other without the distraction of anybody else. James and Harry are already off towards the deeper ends of the pool, James throwing the toddler about. 

“How was–”

“Are you–”

They both speak at the same time, each of them laughing awkwardly afterwards, pausing for the other man to speak. God it’s so awkward that Remus would quite happily drown himself now to avoid any conversation.

“Sorry. You go.” Remus tells him.

“I was just going to ask if you’re still coming to the match tomorrow.” Sirius says.

Remus frowns “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I just– I didn’t want to assume. What were you going to say?”

“How was practice?” Remus asks.

Sirius shrugs, leaning back against the edge of the pool, his arms resting lazily along the sides. "Same old. Lucius was being an arse again, as per usual. I swear, if that man flips his hair one more time like he’s in a shampoo commercial, I might lose it."

Remus scoffs “As if you’re any better.”

Sirius looks genuinely offended, placing a dramatic hand over his chest. "Excuse me, I do not flip my hair like that. Mine falls naturally, in an effortless cascade of beauty, thank you very much."

“Effortless? You’ve already made it through one conditioner and we’ve been here for two weeks."

“Because I wash my hair everyday!” Sirius says, getting defensive “Not all of us can just wake up with annoyingly perfect hair. You hardly even brush it.”

“Perfect?” Remus says with a smirk.

Sirius blushes “Oh piss off.”

They fall into silence, watching out across the pool. Harry and James are now playing something that Remus cannot understand, some sort of wizard/fairy/mermaid combination that was likely a creation of the young boys. Marlene and Lily are still swimming, except Marlenes now flipped onto her back and started back-stroking. 

“About this morning–” Sirius then says, but Remus can’t let him finish. He can’t have this conversation.

“Please don’t” He pleads “We don’t need to talk about it.”

Sirius doesn’t look at him, still watching Harry and James. He says quietly, “Okay.”

It’s never mentioned again. Not at dinner, or in their room that night, or the next morning before Sirius leaves for practice. 

“Goodluck” Remus tells him as he’s about to leave.

Sirius smiles “Thank you, I’ll see you after the game.” He hesitates for a moment and then asks “Will you wait for me again?”

“Of course” Remus assures him.

He had every intention of waiting for him. He really did. But he couldn’t, he really couldn’t. Not after what he’d seen and the way that it had made his heart feel.

He’d been watching the match with Lily like usual. It was 1-0 to England. Slovenia was putting up a tough fight, but even Remus could tell that the team had it in the bag. They were playing with such sheer determination, a drive to win. 

Hayden and Alice had also joined them. Harry and Neville got bored and entertained themselves in the lounge whilst Alice and Lily cheered and shouted at the game. Alice is quite the shouter, insulting the ref and hyping up the team. 

“This might be the best they’ve played yet.” Hayden remarked, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Definitely” Remus agreed, his response short because of his attention to the game. Watching Sirius drive the ball towards the other team's goal, just to lose it at the last minute.

“Sirius is really good,” Hayden carried on.

“Yeah he is” 

James had the ball, expertly playing it to Barty, who surged forward toward the goal where Sirius awaited the pass. The moment was electric; Sirius had a clear shot. But just as he prepared to unleash a powerful kick, a Slovenian player barreled in, launching himself at Sirius with reckless abandon.

“Fuck!” Remus gasped as he watched Sirius get knocked off his feet, crashing hard onto the pitch.

The referee’s whistle pierced the air, and Remus felt a knot of panic tighten in his stomach. The sight of Sirius lying still was too much to bear.

“GET UP AND WALK IT OFF, YOU PUSSY!” Lily shouted, her voice cutting through the tension.

Remus shot her an incredulous look, but as if Sirius had heard her, he propped himself up, nodding to the referee before rising to his feet.

“That’s what I thought,” Lily said smugly..

That was when Hayden had turned to him and said “I saw those photos of Sirius and Mary. They’re really quite cute together.”

“Huh?” Remus questions, his attention still half focused on the game. 

“The ones of them outside of that museum?” Hayden continued, looking at Remus as if he should know. “The Daily Profit posted them this morning?”

Remus shifted his focus, intrigued yet apprehensive. “Can you show me them?”

“Yeah, sure!” Hayden replied, eagerly pulling out his phone. His fingers flew over the screen as he navigated to the photos.

When he turned the phone toward Remus, the breath caught in his throat. They were paparazzi-style images of Sirius and Mary outside the Palazzo Colonna— their museum, the very place Sirius had rented out for Remus. In the photo, Sirius held Mary in his arms, kissing her, a radiant smile on his face.

He studied the photo, the date it was taken — days before they’d gone together, the way that Sirius’ hands rested on Mary's hips and the way hers wrapped around his neck. 

It looked so… real. Too real.

Their relationship is supposed to be fake. But the way that Sirius was looking at her in that photo, it’s the same way he looks at Remus and that hurts him.

Maybe it isn’t so fake after all.

“Yeah. They look lovely,” he managed to say, forcing a smile that felt like it was cracking his heart in two.

That was it; he couldn’t stay. He didn’t care about football anymore. The noise of the crowd, the cheers of his friends—none of it mattered. Remus needed to get away, away from everyone, from the match, from Sirius.

That was why he wasn’t there to meet Sirius after their win and that's why he’s sitting in their hotel room, staring blankly at the wall, trying to make sense of it all. The match ended an hour ago and everybody should be getting back to the hotel soon enough. 

Lily texted him, a stream of messages wondering where he’d gone and if he was feeling okay. He told her he felt ill and had to leave, a lie which she seemed to believe. She didn’t have reason not to. 

He can’t stop thinking about that fucking photo. Of how gorgeous Mary is and how happy they looked together. 

One moment, he’ll remind himself that their relationship is fake, a PR team's wet dream — that the kiss was orchestrated for the press. 

But then he thinks about how real it had looked, the way that Sirius was looking at her like she’s the world, his gentle hands on her, the smile into the kiss, the laugh afterwards. 

He’s either a brilliant actor or a fucking liar. That's what Remus has decided. 

He hadn’t even told him. It was the day that Walburga had taken him away for a press day. He’d told him everything else he’d done that day but conveniently left out the kiss with Mary. 

And then he took Remus to that same museum just days later. He made him feel special in that exact spot. He’d looked at him the same way that day and Remus had really let himself believe that Sirius wanted him. 

He can see now that he’s an idiot. It wasn’t special, he wasn’t even the first to be taken there. It must’ve meant more to him than it had Sirius.

It’s a little later when the door opens and Sirius comes in, a worried look on his face that makes Remus’ stomach flip. 

“You okay?” Sirius asks, his voice soft, cautious.“Lily said you didn’t feel well.”

“I’m fine,” Remus responds quickly, too quickly, the words clipped and sharp in a way that makes Sirius pause.

Sirius takes a step closer, his eyes searching Remus’s face. “Do you need me to get you anything? Water? Tea?”

“No. I’m okay, thanks,” Remus repeats, his voice even, though every part of him wants to scream. He wants to ask why Sirius didn’t mention the kiss, why he took him to that same place with Mary. But instead, Remus swallows it all down, like he always does.

Sirius shifts, clearly sensing something is off but not knowing what. “I—have I done something?” he asks, his voice quieter now, almost tentative. His expression is so vulnerable, and Remus can see the hurt in his eyes. 

“No. You haven’t,” Remus says.

Sirius narrows his eyes, unconvinced. “Don’t lie to me, Remus. Something’s wrong. What is it?”

Remus lets out a shaky breath, his hands trembling slightly as he pushes them through his hair. The room feels too small, like the walls are closing in, suffocating him with the weight of what he can’t say. He wants to tell Sirius—God, he wants to scream at him for making him feel so confused, for looking at Mary like that, for making him think he was something special. 

But instead, he just says, “It’s nothing. I’m just tired.”

“Bullshit.” Sirius’s voice has an edge now, frustration creeping in.

“I just need some space!” Remus snaps, far harsher than he intended. 

Sirius stands there for a moment, stunned, before he nods stiffly, his jaw clenched. “Alright,” he says, his voice strained. “If that’s what you want.”

Remus doesn’t answer, doesn’t trust himself to speak without everything pouring out in a way he’s not ready for. He watches as Sirius gives him one last searching look, then turns and leaves the room, the door clicking shut behind him.

The silence that follows is suffocating.

Remus closes his eyes, his chest aching. He wanted space, and now he has it. But it doesn’t feel any better. It feels so much worse.

A knock follows a little while later. He answers it to see Lily on the other side, her face knowing and sympathetic. 

“You’re not ill are you?” She asks.

He shakes his head. In seconds she’s embracing him, resting his head on her shoulder and kicking the door shut behind her. He sinks into it, letting himself just be vulnerable for once.

They stand there in silence for a few moments, Lily’s hand gently rubbing his back in soothing circles. Eventually, she pulls back just enough to look him in the eyes, her brow furrowed with concern. “What’s going on, Remus?”

“Its all hurting too much," He admits, rubbing his eyes harshly.

“Oh hun” She says softly, “Did you have an argument?”

“I think so” He tells her “I saw the photo of him and Mary.”

“They’ve been released already?” 

“You knew about them?” Remus asks.

“Yeah, Sirius told us the day they took them.” 

Remus’ jaw tenses “He never told me.”

Lily’s expression softens, and she sighs “He was probably worried about how you’d take it.”

Remus lets out a bitter laugh, his eyes stinging with frustration. “Yeah, well, he should’ve thought about that before kissing her.”

“You know that it's fake Remus” She reminds him. 

“Well it didn’t look like it.” He insists. “And that's the exact museum he took me to days later.”

Lily's eyebrows raise “Really?” Remus nods. “I didn’t know about that .”

It just makes me feel stupid, you know? Like, I thought it was this special thing between us, and then I saw those photos and realised it wasn’t.” He takes a deep breath “I didn’t mean to have a go at him. But he wouldn’t stop pushing so I just snapped.”

Lily listens to him, thinks for a moment and says “You two need to talk. But not right now, you’re both angry and it wouldn’t help anything. Shall we just watch a movie?”

“What if he comes back?” 

“He won't. He’s with James in our room.” Lily tells him.

The next morning, he wakes up next to somebody again. But this time it’s a snoring Lily, whose red hair is in his face because she’s so far on his side of the bed that he’s almost falling out of it. 

He carefully shifts away, trying not to disturb her, and sits up, running a hand through his own dishevelled hair. He tiptoes to the bathroom, splashes some cold water on his face, and stares at his reflection. Dark circles underline his eyes. After brushing his teeth and washing his face, he feels slightly more awake. 

When he steps back into the room, Lily stirs but doesn’t wake. Remus decides to let her sleep a little longer. He checks his phone and grins at a text from James.

(James):

Have you finally stolen my wife from me?

I knew it would happen one day

Please give her back :(

(Remus):

You can keep her

She snores 

(James):

Her snoring is my white noise

Is she awake yet?

(Remus):

Nope still snoring away 

Do you want me to wake her?

(James):

Yes pls

Me and the boys will grab some coffees to bring over

She’ll snap your head off if she doesn’t get one within ten minutes

(Remus):

Brill thanks

Black with 2 sugars pleasee

(James):

I know Sirius told me

Now wake up the beauty 

(Remus):

More like the beast

He doesn’t know how to wake her up, so he resorts to just poking her face. “Lils, wake up.”

She groans “Fuck off.”

“James is coming to get you," He says.

“James can fuck off too.” She grumbles, turning her back to him and pulling the blankets up over her head.

“He’s bringing Harry and coffee.” Remus propositions. 

Lily lets out a muffled groan, but this time she shifts slightly, peeking out from under the blanket. Her messy hair falls into her face, and she squints up at him. “Fine.” 

The boys arrive a few minutes later, Harry runs in and joins the two of them in Remus’ bed. James hands them their coffees and perches on the side of Sirius’ bed. Sirius hesitates by the door, not looking at Remus. 

“Feeling better today Remus?” James asks. 

He looks over at Sirius and mumbles “A bit.”

James looks between them with a frown. He then looks to his wife and says "Moody's given us the day off again.”

She perks up at that “Really?”

“Me go kids club” Harry announces. 

Remus laughs, messing up the toddlers hair who cuddles into him happily. 

Lily looks at Remus with a look that says ‘are you okay if we go?’ and he shoots her back a look that says ‘I'll be fine, go shag.”

“We’ll leave you to it then” Lily grins.

“Feel better!” James says to Remus, jumping up and grabbing Harry from him. He then pats Sirius on the shoulder and says something quiet enough that Remus can’t hear it. 

Sirius nods and says “See you all for dinner.”

Then they’re alone in the room. The two of them again. Sirius is still not looking at Remus, not even daring to get any closer to him. It's an uncomfortable silence.

“I’m sorry about last night," Remus says finally. 

“It’s fine,” Sirius mutters. He’s clearly still angry.

“I shouldn’t have gotten angry at you” He admits.

Sirius glares at him “Are you going to tell me what was bothering you now? Or are you going to keep acting like a prick?”

Remus flinches at the harshness of Sirius’ words. He gets up out of bed, daring to step that little bit closer to the other man. Sirius’ jaw is tense, his eyes angry. He crosses his arms, waiting for Remus to answer.

“I was overwhelmed.”

“And that was my fault?” Sirius shoots back. 

“Yes!” It bursts out of him. 

“How?” Sirius raises his voice “What the fuck did I do?”

“You didn’t tell me about the photos” Remus accuses him. 

“What photos?” Sirius says, frustration rising, stepping closer. 

“The ones of you and Mary!” Remus snaps, walking even closer. 

They’re face to face now, chests rising, and falling heavily as the tension between them thickens.

Sirius’s brow furrows, his frustration giving way to confusion. “ That’s what this is about?” He stares at Remus, clearly baffled. “You’re upset about those stupid photos?”

Remus clenches his fists, the flood of emotions he's been holding back threatening to break through. “Yes, Sirius, I’m upset! You didn’t tell me, and I had to find out on my own.”

Sirius scoffs. “I didn’t tell you because it’s not important! It was a job.”

“It was the same museum” Remus states, his eyes narrowed. 

“Remus I didn’t–”

“And you told Lily and James about the photos. You just didn’t tell me!” He continues, interrupting Sirius completely.

“I–Why do you care so much?” Sirius asks, his face demanding. 

“Because it looked so real!” He finally admits. 

And then because he can’t bear to let Sirius respond, he does the only thing he could think of.

He grabs Sirius’ face and kisses him. 

His fingers tangle in his dark hair as he pulls him closer, their lips meeting in a teeth clashing kiss. It’s fierce and desperate. Remus can feel the warmth radiating off Sirius’s skin, the slight stubble grazing his palm as he cradles the other man’s jaw.

At first Sirius stiffens, but then his hands settle on Remus’ waist, fingers pressing firmly into his sides as he kisses back with so much vigour. Remus leans into him, feeling the solidness of Sirius’s body against his, the way their forms meld together as if they were two pieces of a puzzle finally fitting into place. 

He can taste the coffee on his lips, and then on his tongue. He wants more, he needs more. Kissing him deeper, more passionately, like kissing Sirius is oxygen. He pushes himself closer into him, eliciting a small moan out of Sirius and himself. He can’t get any closer, almost every inch of their bodies are already touching. 

But just as Remus thinks they’ve crossed a threshold into something beautiful, he feels the shift. Sirius’s grip loosens, and a tension curls into his shoulders. 

Sirius breaks the kiss, stepping back with a suddenness that feels like ice water being thrown over Remus. “I can’t,” he breathes, his voice shaky “I can’t do this, I–”

“Sirius–” 

Remus just watches him, panic rising, shame rising. He watches him turn away, without a second look back. He watches as he leaves the room, slamming the door behind him which makes Remus flinch.

He sinks onto the edge of the bed, his heart racing, hands trembling as he rakes them through his hair in frustration. What has he done?

(Moony):

I finally kissed him

It didn’t go well 

Pads?

Padfoot?

Chapter Text

The thought of leaving feels like the only path forward to Remus, a desperate bid to outrun the hurt gnawing at him. His suitcase is a mess of half-folded clothes and hastily packed belongings, and he doesn’t care enough to fix it. His hands shake with the quiet violence of grief, with the shame he can’t fully acknowledge, not yet, because to do so would be to unravel entirely.

The hotel room feels suffocatingly silent, with the air too still and every object a reminder of Sirius’s absence, of the words he’s too afraid to hear. He forces himself to keep moving, to keep shoving things into the suitcase. He wants it over with; he wants to shut the lid on this painful chapter and vanish. It doesn’t matter where.

A soft knock on the door breaks his rhythm, and for a heartbeat, he hopes—idiotically, desperately—that it’s Sirius. But of course Sirius has gone to James, and Lily being Lily has immediately come to him. 

When he opens the door, she just looks at him “I’m so sorry, Remus,” she says gently, stepping into the room before he can even think to stop her.

He tries to brush it off, muttering something incoherent as he throws another jumper into his bag. He’d feels so stupid, so utterly foolish for believing that kissing Sirius would fix everything. He thought it would make things clearer between them, that maybe, just maybe, Sirius wanted him the way Remus wanted him. But now, standing there in his own mess, it’s painfully obvious that he was wrong.

Selfish, he thinks. He was so selfish to even try.

Lily is quiet as she pulls the suitcase from his hands. She sits him down on the bed, and he’s too drained to resist. She only asks what happened and that's when the dam breaks. The tears come fast, hard, his sobs tearing through him in a way that feels almost unbearable. But Lily stays with him, holding him close, and brushing his hair from his face as he cries into her shoulder.

It’s the first time he’s cried like this in years, not since his father’s death. Even when Fenrir left him, he hadn’t cried—he’d felt numb and hollow, a muted ache that dulled over time. But this is different; this pain is raw, visceral, leaving him feeling exposed and foolish and small.

He feels so vulnerable like this, he hates it. 

He isn’t sure when they fall asleep, but the next morning he wakes and his throat feels dry and his eyes hurt. Lily's already awake, shooting him a small smile from beside him in bed. 

“How’re you feeling?” She asks him.

He rubs his eyes and lets out a sigh. “I don’t know,” he mumbles, the words feeling heavy in his mouth. “A bit wank.”

“I think we should go out for lunch today, if you’re up for it.” Lily suggests. 

“Lils. I’m not staying.” He says quietly, the words feeling like a punch to his own chest.“I’m going to look for a flight today.”

Her expression shifts immediately, her smile fading as she sits up straighter. “Like hell you are,” she says firmly. “I’m not letting you leave.”

“I can’t stay” He insists “Sirius– he– I just can’t.”

“Yes, you can,” she interrupts, her voice soft but unyielding. “You’re not running away from this, Remus.”

He looks at her then, his eyes tired and full of confusion. “Why not? What good is staying going to do? He’s here for work, I’ll just cause issues for him if I stay. He’s already not slept in his own bed for two nights.”

“If you leave now things will never be sorted between the two of you.” She says “He wants you here Remus. We want you here — me, James and Harry. If you won’t stay for him, stay for us.”

He shifts uncomfortably, letting out a groan “Don’t use your cute baby and lovely husband against me.”

Lily’s lips curl into a soft, knowing smile, but she doesn’t back down. “I’ll use whatever I have to,” she says, her tone teasing but still firm “Harry would miss you too much.”

Remus groans again, rubbing a hand over his face. “Lily, I can’t stay. He invited me here as his friend, and I ruined it. I don’t think he’ll want me to stay, not after… after all of this. It was my fault, not his. I should just leave.”

Lily frowns “I really don’t want you to go.”

“I’m sorry” He mumbles, not even looking at her. Because she doesn’t understand—she can’t. He can’t just carry on, not after that kiss, not after tasting the closeness he craved for so long. He had dipped one toe in, and now he feels like he’s drowning. All the hidden touches, the glances, the moments he thought they were sharing—it all feels like a mirage, a cruel illusion he let himself believe in.

Sirius had kissed him back. And yet Sirius had also run.

Maybe Sirius realised in that split second that he didn’t want Remus, that it had all been a mistake, or perhaps he’d never wanted him at all, and Remus had only been fooling himself. He feels so painfully foolish, so humiliated. 

But he’s also angry. Angry at himself, angry at Sirius for that brief, tantalising moment when it felt real, angry at Lily and Marlene for making him think he had a chance. 

It’s all too much, all of these emotions. The only way he can think to cope with them is to get away, as far away from Sirius as he can get. 

They stay in bed for a while longer. He doesn’t know what time it is, presumably early because of the little light coming through the gap in the curtains. Lily doesn’t ask any more questions and Remus doesn’t have any more words to say.

Eventually, Lily says “I think you should stay for one more day.”

“Lily.” Remus warns.

“No, hear me out. One more day, if you decide by tomorrow morning that you still need to leave, then fine. I’ll pack your bags for you and wave you off at the door. But I think you’re being irrational and you’re going to throw away something important to you because of it. And I’m sorry but I’m a better friend than to just let you do that.”

Remus lets out a frustrated sigh “If he wanted to speak to me, he would’ve come back.”

“You’re just as capable of going to find him” Lily says “Please, just one more day.”

He chews on his bottom lip, really deliberating it for a moment. He doesn’t want to stay, and he doesn’t think staying is going to do the situation any good. But if twenty-four torturous hours is all it takes to get Lily off his back, then fine, he’ll do it. 

“Fine” He agrees “I’ll stay for one more day, but that doesn’t mean I’ll speak to him.”

Lily grins, her smile infectious. "That's good enough for me. Just promise me you’ll be open minded.”

He rolls his eyes, a small smile tugging at his lips despite himself. “I’ll try.”

She hugs him tightly, then pulls back, looking him in the eye. “I’ll get ready, grab Harry, and then the three of us can go out for breakfast while the boys are at training, alright?”

He nods. “Alright.”

“Brilliant,” she says, her grin widening as she heads for the door. “Twenty minutes in the lobby, or I’ll come back and drag you out of here.”

When she leaves, the silence is heavy. 

He lies there for a moment before reaching to grab his phone from the bedside table. It’s been untouched since last night yet there’s still no response from Padfoot. He frowns slightly, opening up their messages and staring at what he had sent the night before. 

This has happened before. Padfoot had ignored him for days, but when Remus had needed him, he came back.

This is different and the realisation is as sharp as glass. Has he done something to upset him? Has something happened to him? Why wouldn’t he respond?

He closes his eyes, but then he thinks, fuck it . 

He presses the call button. 

The dial tone rings, each one filling Remus with a mix of dread and hope he can hardly bear. He grips the phone tightly, his breath shallow. 

It’s when he thinks it’s useless, that it’s going to go to voicemail, when somebody picks up. 

“Hello?” Remus says warily “Pads?”

There's no response, he can’t hear anything but the sound of breathing on the other side. 

“Are you okay?” Remus continues, panic rising. “Have I done something to–”

Padfoot hangs up. 

His words die on his tongue, staring down at his phone in disbelief. 

Remus lowers the phone, staring at the wall across from him, lost. He doesn’t know what he expected, really; he doesn’t even know what he was hoping Padfoot would say. He was overstepping by calling at all, but he needed him.

He considers calling back, the impulse to just try again , to send one more message, to do something. 

But he decides against it, instead turning his phone off and putting it into his bedside drawer. 

He forces himself out of bed, quickly changing and grabbing his jacket, taking a long, grounding breath before heading down to the lobby to meet Lily. 

Lily grins when she sees him, Harry wriggling in her arms. “I thought you’d done a runner for a minute there.” She teases, though there's truth behind it. 

“Sorry” Remus apologises “Hey Haz.”

He ruffles the boy's hair as he casually answers “Hey Uncle Weemus.”

Remus looks at Lily in disbelief “Did he just say my full name?”

“He did,” she smiles, pressing a kiss to Harry's cheek. “Well done baby.”

Harry giggles, reaching his arms out to Remus and saying loudly “Shoulders, Uncle Weemus!”

Remus obviously obeys, settling Harry comfortably on his shoulders, feeling the small hands grip his head, pulling at his hair ever so slightly. He can’t quite wipe the smile from his face. Lily watches, her smile knowing. 

He leaves breakfast feeling more positive. It’s not to say that he isn’t still thinking about leaving, of course he is, but he was sufficiently distracted by Harry and Lily who both rambled away at him and stopped his thoughts from spiralling and spinning a dangerous web. It becomes quite bittersweet actually, realising that leaving means he won’t see the two of them for a while. 

Harry asks to go back to the hotel to play with Neville and Draco. Lily smiles, explaining that Harry’s recently become friends with Draco, despite Draco having bitten him in playgroup just last week. Remus isn’t at all surprised that the son of Lucius Malfoy has a bit of a bite, but he’s glad that Harry has found a new friend, nonetheless.

So Remus and Lily slowly make their way back to the hotel and Lily is yet to mention Sirius, yet to push him to talk and yet to ask him to not leave. He appreciates it really, a small break from it all just for a little bit. 

The break doesn’t last long at all. They’re in the cafe, reading like they do each day, when Remus feels a harsh elbow to the ribs from Lily. 

He looks up to see James, who is yet to hear of his decision to leave and is currently blissfully ignorant to it all, bundling over with a big grin on his face. 

Following behind him, a complete opposite expression, is Sirius. 

“Openmindedness, remember?” Lily whispers quickly. 

“I said I’d try,” Remus murmurs back. 

And then they’re standing at the table and Remus can’t quite breathe. 

Remus looks up, his heart hammering as he allows himself one hopeful glance at Sirius, one honest attempt. He looks at Sirius, and he hopes, just hopes that things have changed. That this is him making his effort. That last night was just a mistake and he didn’t really mean to leave Remus.

Sirius doesn’t look at him. He’s looking anywhere but at him. 

And when Remus thinks it can’t be anymore obvious about how he feels, he turns to James and cuts him off mid sentence. 

“And Frank hit his head so he might not even be able to play in the next game all because–”

Just to drive the point home. “I need to go,” he says abruptly. “I told Marlene I’d meet her for a swim.”

James frowns, looking caught off guard. “But I thought—”

Before he can finish, Sirius has already turned away, heading toward the door without a second glance back. Remus watches him go.

That was all Remus needed to verify his decision. He doesn’t see another option at this point. He can’t stay here. Sirius doesn’t want him here, that much is obvious. 

He looks at Lily and merely shakes his head. I can’t do this . She simply puts a reassuring hand on his arm and gives it a squeeze. Okay . She understands.

James is quick to jump in, looking at him with apology heavy in his gaze. “I’m sorry, Remus. I don’t get why he’s acting like this.”

Remus forces a smile. “It’s fine, James. Really.”

“It’s not,” James insists. “If you two would just talk—”

“Remus is going home, James,” Lily interjects gently. “He doesn’t want to stay.”

“What?” James looks defeated, his whole body deflating “You’re leaving?”

“He can’t even look at me James” Is all Remus can say. He closes the book that's been forgotten in his hands and doesn’t give them a chance to say much else. “I’m going to go lie down.”

“Do you need me to come with you?” Lily asks.

Remus shakes his head “I’ll be okay. I’ll come back down for dinner.”

James carries so much emotion on his face, baring it all on his sleeves. He looks so deeply saddened, so torn and Remus just feels so guilty. This is his doing, his fault. He’s causing issues for them all. 

“I’m sorry James, I really wanted to stay to keep supporting you.” Remus apologises.

“He’ll be devastated if you go” James attempts, his voice thick.

Remus offers a tight, weary smile, one that feels anything but convincing. “Maybe. But he’s made his choice. I need to respect that.”

James opens his mouth, maybe to argue, maybe to reassure, but then closes it. There’s a helplessness in his eyes, the familiar look of someone who wants to fix things but has no idea how. He pats James on the shoulder and turns to head back to his room, each step feeling heavier, more final.

Back in the room, he sinks down onto the bed and stares at his suitcase. It’s still a disorganised mess, half-open and spilling clothes onto the floor. He knows he should pack properly, fold everything neatly, but he doesn’t quite have it in him yet.

He opens the drawer where he’d left his phone earlier, and turns it back on, hoping to finally see a message from Padfoot. 

Nothing. 

(Moony):

I’m sorry if I overstepped by calling 

I’m just having a really shit time

I’m leaving tomorrow 

Back to England 

He can’t even look at me Pads

I fucked everything up so badly

I really thought he liked me

He stares at his phone for what feels like hours, never getting a reply. 

“Fuck!” He shouts, throwing his phone back into the drawer. He puts his head in his hands and he wants to just scream. 

What did he do to deserve this? How has he managed to lose two of the most important people in his life within mere hours of each other? He doesn’t even know why Padfoots ignoring him, but he’s sure like everything else it must be his fucking fault. 

When did he become such a mess? 

He needs to walk, he needs to do something. He can’t just sit here, staring at everything he needs to pack, because he doesn’t want to go, he doesn’t want to give it all up. 

He doesn’t know where he’s walking, anywhere, everywhere. 

The hallway is quiet, footsteps echoing softly against the walls. He doesn’t know where he’s going, and he doesn’t care. All he knows is that he needs to keep moving, to try and outrun the relentless knot in his chest. He turns down corridor after corridor, passing quiet hotel rooms and closed doors, as if searching for an escape he can’t quite find.

He turns a corner towards the library and that's when Remus sees him at the end of the hallway and he stops in his tracks. Sirius is walking right towards him and Remus considers just turning around completely and walking off in the direction he’d just come. 

But he’s rooted to the spot, unable to move, his heart pounding so loudly he’s sure Sirius must hear it, even from a distance. As Sirius comes closer, Remus braces himself, unsure of what he’ll say—if he’ll say anything at all. Every instinct screams at him to look away, to spare himself the humiliation of another cold glance, another reminder that he’s alone in this.

Sirius has seen him now, his grey eyes settling on him, and he isn’t looking away. It’s not like earlier when he had seen him and resisted all eye contact, he isn’t turning away and finding excuses to leave.

He’s walking right towards him and he isn’t stopping. 

“You want to leave?” Sirius says, loud enough for anybody around them to hear. He looks pissed off, angry. His face is determined.  “You’re going to leave and you weren’t going to tell me?”

Before Remus can respond, Sirius is on him, fingers curling tightly around his arm, and suddenly he’s pulling him into a nearby storage room. The door slams shut behind them, and Sirius stands inches away, his gaze fierce and unwavering. Remus’ heart pounds, his pulse too loud in his ears, but he forces himself to keep his own gaze steady.

“What the fuck?” Remus snaps, pulling his arm away. 

Sirius’s face is flushed, his jaw tight, grey eyes blazing. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?” He demands. 

“You’re the one that left me!” Remus shoots back “You’ve been avoiding me all day. How was I supposed to tell you?” 

“You didn’t even try!” Sirius exclaims.

“Maybe I didn’t. But you’ve acted like you want nothing to do with me, why would I stay?” 

Sirius’s eyes narrow, his frustration boiling over, and his voice comes out in a harsh whisper. “You think I want nothing to do with you? That’s what you think this is?”

Remus bites back the urge to look away, meeting Sirius’s fiery gaze head-on. “What else am I supposed to think?”

Sirius lets out a low, bitter laugh, dragging a hand through his hair as he paces in the small space. “God, you’re so fucking. Fuck!” 

And before Remus can register what’s happening, Sirius is on him. His mouth crashes against Remus’s, desperate and fierce, and Remus feels himself pressed back against the wall, boxes tumbling to the floor around them. His hands instinctively grip Sirius’s shirt, pulling him closer.

For one breathless moment, he lets himself melt into the kiss, lets himself drown in Sirius’s touch. But then, like cold water to the face, reality crashes down around him.

No . He thinks. No, this can’t happen again.

It takes everything in him to pull away, it pains him so deeply. 

His breath ragged, his heart a painful weight in his chest. “No. Sirius.” Remus says quietly “I can’t– Not if you’re going to leave again. It hurts too much.”

Sirius stares at him, breathing heavily. “I won’t run this time.” He says, his voice trembling with conviction. “I promise Remus, I won’t. I was so scared, fuck , I still am so scared. I’ve never liked anybody like this before, ever, all of these feelings are so much for me and I don’t even know what to do with myself.

I haven’t been in a relationship before. I’ve known that I am gay since I was fourteen and I’ve never been allowed to allow myself to be with somebody. I managed to hide it from my mother until I was sixteen. She–she caught me… kissing a boy from school. I’d gotten reckless and I brought him to the house and I said that we were doing homework, but she walked in and she saw and fuck I’ve never been so scared in my life Remus.”

Remus’s heart aches for Sirius. “What happened?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

“She told my father and he punished me. He hit me until I was on the floor and I couldn’t move and then he did the same to the boy, I don’t even remember his name. I never saw him again. She made me move schools and she watched my every move. If I wasn’t at school or practice I was in my room alone. She wouldn’t even let Reg come near me sometimes, in case I tried to influence him.”

Remus wants to reach out, to comfort him “Sirius I–”

But Sirius shakes his head, pressing on. “I’ve never felt so alone in my life. I didn’t have any friends, the people at Slytherin never liked me and I never had the chance to make friends outside of football. It wasn’t until James and I reconnected when we came to play for England that I finally had somebody. It took me months to come out to him. I was so scared of what he’d think, that he’d react the same way that my father did. But he didn’t, he hugged me and he told me it would all be okay and do you know what? I actually believed him.

As soon as I was eighteen I left. I moved out and I did everything I could to get away from her. But I just couldn’t. She was still my manager and if I wanted my career to carry on I needed her and she knew that. She used it against me, promising that she knew what was best for me, that nobody should ever find out about me. 

I believed her Remus. Part of me still does. I don’t know what people will do if they find out, how the fans will react or how the team will react. She told me that if Tom Riddle finds out that I’m gay, I’ll be taken off of the team, and do you know what I went out and did that night? I slept with a girl, and it was awful and I felt sick but I thought maybe I could just force it, force myself to just be straight.

I tried so many more times after that, sleeping with women and just praying that it would feel right. But it never did, not in the same way that it did with a man. I stopped trying eventually and I finally let myself admit that I couldn’t change it and I came to terms with the fact that I could never truly be me.”

His gaze meets Remus’s, and there’s a fierce vulnerability in his eyes, a rawness that cuts straight to Remus’s heart. “Until I met you, Remus.”

“I met you and I knew instantly that I was done for. You opened that door and I just knew, I knew that I was playing with fire and I did it anyway because you are so worth it Remus Lupin. You’re so enrapturing, your body and your soul. You put everybody before yourself, always and when I’m with you, I feel like I can finally breathe, like I’m not just a shadow of who I’m supposed to be. You see me, truly see me, and for the first time, I want to be seen.

I want all of you Remus. Every single bit of you. I want it. I’m so sorry that I ran and I’m so sorry that I made you think even for a second that I didn’t you. I was scared, so scared and I really am trying to work through it and be the best person I can be for you. But I need you to be patient with me. I need you to give me a chance, Remus because I like you so much and I don’t know what I’d begin to do without you. I’d be willing to risk it all for you.”

Remus looks at him, his chest heaving and he lets out something which is half sob half laugh. 

“You beautiful bastard.”

And then they’re kissing again, all smiles and tears. Sirius’s hands find their way to Remus’s waist, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss as he pours everything he has into it. Remus responds in kind, his fingers tangling in Sirius’s hair.

“Does this mean you like me too?” Sirius asks against his lips. 

“Of course I do” Remus grins “I like you so much Sirius Black.”

With that Sirius grins and he leans in again, capturing Remus’s mouth with his own. Remus can taste the salt of their tears and its fucking beautiful so beautiful. 

Remus pulls back “Can we get out of this cupboard now?”

Sirius laughs, such a beautiful sound “I’d much prefer to carry this on in our room.”

Remus’ cheeks flush hot. Me too, oh fuck me too . “Yes please.”

The walk up to their room is a funny affair. Remus catches a glance at them both in the mirror, cheeks flushed and hair messed up. They kiss again in the lift and giggle like school girls when they hardly manage to pull away before the doors open and somebody else walks in.

He fumbles for the key card in his pocket and the second that the door is opened, he’s pulling Sirius inside. He pushes Sirius up against the door which slams behind him and kisses him again with all his mite. 

This kiss is deeper, needier, dirtier . It’s clumsy, all tongues and teeth, but it's so thrilling. He pushes into him, slotting his thigh between Sirius’ legs and Sirius whimpers into his mouth, such a beautiful sound which makes Remus’ knees feel weak. 

Sirius’ hands snake up beneath his jumper, cool on his hot skin and Remus’ mind fucking explodes. 

“James is going to be so happy” Sirius pants, breaking away after a few moments. 

His hands are still roaming Remus’ skin and he’s surprised that he still has the power of speech to respond. “God, so will Lily.”

He leans forward to press kisses to the curve of Sirius’ neck and Sirius barely manages to breathe out “Bed.”

They make their way over to the bed, hands roaming and lips colliding in desperate, breathless kisses. Remus feels like he can barely catch his breath, each step and touch setting him alight. When they reach the bed, Sirius pulls him close, their bodies moulding together as they tumble onto the mattress in a tangled heap of limbs.

Sirius looks up at Remus, eyes dark and filled with a hunger that sends a shiver through him. He hooks a finger in Remus's waistband, tugging him down until their bodies are pressed flush against each other. The warmth, the sheer closeness, it's everything Remus wants.

Their hands move of their own accord, touching, exploring, memorising every line and curve, every sharp intake of breath. Remus feels Sirius’s mouth at his neck, trailing down with a mix of gentle kisses and sharper bites that have him gasping, fingers curling into the sheets as he presses closer.

"You're perfect," Sirius murmurs against his skin, voice thick and low.

Remus lets out a shaky breath, feeling like he's going to come undone from the words alone. He lets his own hands wander, learning the contours of Sirius's shoulders, the dip of his waist, marvelling at how right it feels to be here, in this moment, with him.

Sirius presses closer, his hands wandering back to Remus's waist, thumbs brushing over his hipbones in slow, teasing circles. Remus’s skin is hot to the touch, every nerve alight as Sirius leans in again, capturing his mouth in another searing kiss. This time, there's nothing holding them back—the kisses are deep, unrestrained.

Sirius’s hand slips under Remus’s shirt, fingers splayed across his bare skin, and Remus lets out a soft groan, arching into his touch. He pulls back just enough to yank the shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor, and then he’s reaching for Sirius’s shirt too, tugging it up and over his head in a clumsy rush.

“You’re so beautiful,” Remus murmurs, voice thick with awe, and Sirius’s cheeks flush.

He’s seen Sirius topless before, and he looks godly. But this is different. Seeing Sirius lying like this beneath him, breathless with wet, kiss-swollen lips. It’s glorious.

He leans down, pressing feather-light kisses along Sirius’s jaw and down his neck, lingering at the curve of his collarbone.

Sirius lets out a soft moan, his hands moving up to tangle in Remus’s hair, urging him closer. It’s intoxicating, feeling the way Sirius responds to his touch, the little gasps and shivers, the way his fingers grip Remus’s shoulders with increasing urgency.

They kiss and they kiss and then Sirius’ thumb slips under Remus’ waistband, and he asks “Is this okay?”

“God yes” Remus says. “Anything you want to do to me is more than fucking okay.”

Sirius grins, a smug devilish one “Then get these bloody trousers off and lie back because I’ve not stopped thinking about blowing you since the second I met you.”

Fucking glorious . 

It’s beautiful from start to finish. Sirius is true to his word and he makes Remus see stars, every single one of them. He kissed down Remus’ stomach and took him into his mouth and, God , he’s never felt anything better. 

Then Remus returns the favour by flipping them over and opening him up with so much care and gentleness. Whispering sweet words of encouragement whilst Sirius writhed beneath him, sweet moans escaping his lips. 

All it takes is for Sirius to look at him, skin flushed and sweaty and say “Please Remus, please.”

It starts off slow, letting Sirius adjust to him, but then Sirius hooks his ankles behind Remus and pushes him in deeper and he loses all composure. He fucks him in exactly the way that Sirius asks of him, harder, deeper, faster . 

Sirius clings to him, nails digging into his back to leave scratches that most definitely won’t fade any time soon. They give up on kissing entirely, just breathing into each other's mouths, eyes never looking away from each other. 

Sirius finishes first, gasping out Remus’ name as he does which is enough to send Remus over the edge himself.

They lie there together for a while afterwards, basking in the afterglow of sex, kissing until they can’t for any longer and they both become increasingly aware of their need to shower. 

They shower together and then they fall back into bed and sleep in each other's arms. He hardly remembers to text Lily before they do, telling her he’s okay and they’re okay and he’ll explain it all tomorrow. He doesn’t even wait for her response before he turns his phone off again and turns to Sirius.

He wakes up, however, many hours later. Sirius is snoring softly in his arms, his black hair like liquid obsidian over Remus’ pale chest, his arm wrapped around his waist. 

“Sirius?” Remus whispers, gently brushing a hand through his soft hair. 

Sirius groans, his breath hot on Remus’ skin “Please don’t tell me I need to get up.”

“We have ten minutes,” Remus smiles.

Sirius looks up at him and stretches obscenely. Before Remus can even register it, he’s up and he’s straddling Remus entirely. “Make it fifteen.”

“You’re going to be the death of me, Sirius Black.”

Thirty five minutes later, Sirius leaves and he’s extremely late for practice. He kisses Remus and promises he’ll be back later, easing Remus’ whirling thoughts entirely. 

He opens his phone to a string of incoherent texts from Lily, key smashes and lots of phallic emojis and he laughs. He sits there smiling like a smug idiot and he can’t believe it. He just can’t believe it. 

Sirius Black wants him. 

Sirius Black likes him. 

He and Sirius Black are together and they had mindblowing beautiful sex. Twice.

Sirius Black likes Remus Lupin and Remus Lupin is going to explode with happiness. 

Because Remus Lupin loves Sirius Black, so fucking much. 

“Tell me everything!” Lily demands when he gets to breakfast, completely parallel to their breakfast yesterday when they had both been miserable and thinking it was all over.

So Remus tells her everything, sparing no detail and grinning from ear to ear the whole time. 

“In a cupboard?” Lily laughs “Of course you two would almost fuck in a cupboard.”

“And in the lift” Remus adds.

“I’m so happy for you Rem, I really am. You and Sirius both.” She smiles, leaning over to hug him. “You know this means double dates, right?”

“I’m sure it does.” Remus smiles “But we haven’t quite talked over the logistics of everything yet, we got a bit… carried away. But we will later.”

Lily looks at him with a knowing look “It’ll be tough and you’ll both need to be patient with each other. He can’t just come out and announce your relationship right away, he’ll need time, and so will you. You both need to adjust to your relationship before you can begin to even imagine announcing anything publicly.”

“I’ll hide for him as long as he needs me to” Remus admits “I’m just happy that he gave me a chance.”

Lily grins “Do you remember, when you first met Sirius and before he came over I said that if Sirius was gay you two would be a good fit?”

Remus nods “I also now remember how panicked James looked when you said that.”

She laughs “God, the amount of heart attacks I must’ve given him.”

“He’s a good friend, a really good friend.” Remus gushes “I don’t think Sirius would be the same person he is today without him.”

“I think the same goes for James. They needed each other.” Lily agrees. 

James and Sirius find them later and James greets Remus with a big kiss on the cheek. 

“I’m so happy for you” He grins “My two best friends, who would’ve thought.”

“You thought” Sirius smiles “Literally months ago.”

“I guess I did.” James replies thoughtfully “What can I say? I’ve got the magic in me.”

Sirius’ eyes meet with Remus’ and he smiles and mouths “Hi.”

“Hi” Remus mouths back, his grin shiteating. 

The four of them sit together and talk for a while, until Lily declares that Harry is due to be collected from the kids club and has been dying to go to the playground around the corner all morning. 

“I hope you two actually make it to dinner this time” Lily remarks just before they’re about to leave “We actually had a plan to just lock you in a room together until you finally talked, so I’m glad you figured it out yourselves.”

“We’ll be there” Sirius grins. 

“Or else I’ll come to your room and drag you out” James says “With or without your clothes, you decide.”

“Do you fancy it Rem? Nude at dinner?” Sirius asks him. 

“I think the parents and their children might mind” Lily says “Your cousin especially.”

“Cousin?” Remus asks.

“Narcissa” Sirius tells him “My mother introduced her and Lucius. She was decent before she married him. Though I feel a bit bad for her, I always thought she was a lesbian.”

Remus’ eyes widen “God.”

“Anywho” Lily changes the subject “Dinner at 6, be there or we’ll panic and think you both did runners again.”

Sirius rolls his eyes “Fine. But I promise that I’m never doing a runner again.”

“Me too.” Remus grins.

“Ugh I just love this” James smiles happily.

“Good.” Lily says “See you both later.”

And then the two of them are gone and Sirius and Remus are left sat alone at the table. Sirius looks at Remus and Remus looks right back. 

“Should we go upstairs?” Sirius asks. 

“Yes” Remus breathes out. 

Their table is vacated in seconds, the two of them barrelling up to their room. They kiss in the lift again, recklessly so, pressing into each other with heavy breaths and quiet groans. 

They lie in bed later, completely fucked out, and Remus turns to him and says “Does this mean you’re my boyfriend now?”

“Are you asking me to be your boyfriend Remus Lupin?” Sirius smirks. 

Remus shrugs “Nah.” 

“Fuck you” Sirius laughs. 

“Of course I am you twat.” Remus says “Will you please, please, please, be my boyfriend Sirius Black?”

“I’ll think about it.”

Remus hits him over the head. 

“Yes I will.” Sirius grins cheekily. He leans in to kiss Remus on the lips, the happiness radiating off of the both of them. “I know that being my boyfriend isn’t all rainbows and sunshines. But I promise you, one day I will come out, I just need your patience until I’m ready.”

“I’d hide forever, as long as I get to keep you” Remus assures him “I don’t want you to rush anything.”

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

“I promise you that it won’t be forever.” Sirius says “I want to be able to snog you in public so much that people hate us and shame us for our PDA.”

“You’ll just have to put up with snogging me in private for now” Remus grins.

“That’ll have to do.”

They do make it to dinner for six. Sirius helps him to unpack his bag again, organising it all neatly into his wardrobe again. They even consider pushing the two beds together to create what Sirius called a ‘mega bed.’ But they decide they’d much rather sleep as close as they can get to each other from now on. 

They manage to finally joke about that dreadful morning with the boners and Sirius laughs so hard that he cries. And at dinner Lily and James join in, the three of them all making funny comments about all of the painfully dreadful and embarrassing moments over the past few months.

The team has the quarter finals the next night which means that, much to their dismay, they do need to sleep at a decent time. Sirius decides it smart to try and seduce Remus, but Remus tells him he will not be responsible for England's star player losing them the game. Sirius pouts and complains but he agrees nonetheless. 

Padfoot finally messages him again the next morning and Remus feels as if all is right again.

(Padfoot):

I’m so sorry Moony

You didn’t do anything at all

I was just going through some stuff and I panicked 

I’m okay now

Everything sorted itself out 

(Moony):

It’s okay Pads

I get it

Everything sorted itself out on my end too

(Padfoot):

Does that mean what I think it means?

(Moony):

Yeah

It does 

(Padfoot):

DBEFBEWUFBUBURB

I’m so happy for you Moony!!!

I knew he felt the same way

I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me

(Moony):

It’s really okay Pads

I’m glad that you’re alright now

Is it anything you want to talk about?

(Padfoot):

Nah

It’s all good now

Lots of emotions that I couldn’t quite handle and I just shut down

I’m under a lot of stress at the moment 

(Moony):

Regardless, I’m always here if you need me

Whatever happens

(Padfoot):

Even if you’re with your footballer?

(Moony):

Even if

(Padfoot):

I really appreciate you Moons

Marlene comes up to him that evening in the England box and she whispers “I heard the news. I’m happy for you both.”

“He told you?” Remus asks.

“Who do you think told him to buck his ideas up? Because it sure as hell wasn’t James.” Marlene grins.

“Well thank you for that” Remus says “Dorcas is arriving soon, right?”

“Yeah. Tomorrow.” Marlene smiles. “I’m going to have so much sex Remus you don’t understand.”

Remus laughs “I don’t doubt that.”

The team won and Sirius scored one of the two goals. It was beautiful to watch, especially when Sirius looked up at him and grinned, that beautiful stupid grin which makes his whole brain go foggy with love.  

I love you so much . He wants to scream.

Afterwards, Remus is more than happy to wait for Sirius outside of the dressing rooms. His skin is buzzing with excitement, gagging to hold his boyfriend and congratulate him in every way he knows how.

They don’t even make it back to the hotel before Sirius is pulling at his arm and guiding him down the hall. Remus blows him in the disabled toilet and Sirius has to clamp down on his lip to keep himself quiet. 

“You were so brilliant,” Remus says afterwards, in the car. 

They’re sat far enough apart not to stir any suspicion from the driver but Remus wants nothing more than to just reach out and take his hand. Instead, Sirius moves his foot so that he can brush it against Remus’ and that's plenty good enough for him. 

Sirius leans over and whispers “It’s because you were there Remus. I always play better with you there.”

Remus grins at him, kicking his foot fondly. 

All of the fans on social media are going wild, raring at the possibility that England might just win, for the first time in fifty years they genuinely have a chance. Sirius is being praised to no ends, tweets and instagram posts, news articles, tiktoks. 

The team is just as positive. They're at a new level of determination now that the final is in sight, the trophy at the end of it all. This is what they’ve been working for years, all of those hours of training, the pain, the tears. All of it is for this, it’s what they love. 

Sirius won’t admit it, but he really thinks they might win.

Remus definitely thinks they will. 

They enjoy each other's company, lying in bed and facing each other. They talk about their childhoods. Sirius tells Remus about his brother Regulus and Remus tells Sirius about his dad. They get to know each other better, beyond what they already know. It feels as if it’s only them on this planet, trapped in their own little world. 

“I really hate grapes, by the way,” Sirius announces. 

“Cool” Remus laughs at his abruptness “I hate white chocolate.”

“I thought chocolate was your favourite food!” Sirius exclaims. 

“It is. Just not white chocolate, it's a crime to all chocolates I say.”

Sirius laughs, “You’re such a snob.”

“Says the man who won’t drink certain types of water.” Remus scoffs.

“They taste different!” Sirius defends himself. “Blame my mother, she raised me this way.”

“It’s literally just water. Get over it.”

“You’re being mean. I might just change my mind actually, do you think Pete's looking for a boyfriend?”

“I wouldn’t mind Pete as my boyfriend. Imagine him cooking for you every night.” 

Sirius sits up, mocking being offended “I’ve already claimed Pete, take somebody else.”

“Fine” Remus grins “I’ll take one of the Prewetts. I’ve always loved gingers. I’d marry Lily if I wasn’t so gay.”

“Me too,” Sirius agrees, flopping back down onto the pillows.

Their peace is quickly interrupted by an urgent rasping at the door. One that startles them both. 

“I bet it’s fucking James. We probably summoned him,” Sirius mumbles, getting up out of bed and making his way over to the door. 

It swings open and it isn’t James on the other side. 

Marlene comes storming in, phone in hand. She looks serious, far more serious than Remus has ever seen her before. Her blonde hair is tied back into a messy bun and she’s in her pyjamas. It makes Remus panic. 

“Have you seen it?”

“Seen what?” Sirius asks, his eyebrows crossing. 

“The article!” She exclaims, shoving her phone into his hands. 

Sirius takes it and for a moment it’s silent as he reads whatever Marlene is showing him. The colour drains from his face and he can’t help but notice the way that his boyfriend's whole body tenses. 

His worry and curiosity piquing, he climbs out of bed to stand beside his boyfriend. “What is it?” He asks. 

“We can fix this” Marlene stresses, but she’s speaking to Remus, not to Sirius. “Dorcas called me and she said she can help–”

“What is it?” Remus asks again, his voice wombling with worry, raising slightly in volume.

“Just read it," Sirius says, passing Remus the phone. He sounds defeated and Remus can’t help but feel sick.

Sirius Blacks plus one. Who is he? By Rita Skeeter . Is the title he’s greeted with, his heart dropping as his name follows next. 

He reads it slowly, bile rising in his throat. It’s brutal. 

Her sharp words fill the screen. She paints Remus as a mysterious “unknown” and continues to strip him to the core. 

There's photos of himself he’s never seen before. Photos of him and Sirius that he’s never seen before. Information he never thought he would need to imagine protecting. His age, his career, his birthday, where he was born, where he lives now, his parents' names, his dating history. 

Everything about him is splattered onto the page, twisted and turned into a story worth publishing. Speculations made about how he knows Sirius at all, and what a man like him would be doing with a man like Sirius. 

It’s also made painfully obvious that he’s gay. 

It’s mentioned multiple times. Enough for it to become a rising theme, becoming the main takeaway from the whole story. 

She might’ve well called it ‘ Sirius Blacks really gay, gay as fuck, flaming homosexual friend. Why does Sirius want anything to do with him? ’

“Fuck” Is all Remus can begin to say as he shakily passes the phone back to Marlene. He looks at Sirius, his eyes pleading “I’m so sorry– I didn’t—I don’t know how she knows all of this. I didn’t tell her, I promise you.”

Sirius reaches out to place a hand on the small of his back, guiding him closer. “I know, love. You don’t need to apologise.”

“My work. All of my students” Remus stresses, running a hand roughly through his hair. This could ruin his professional career. 

“We’re going to sort this Remus” Marlene assures him firmly “Moody is working on a statement as we speak about the importance of respecting the privacy of friends and–”

But before she can even finish, Sirius’ phone rings in his pocket. Sirius looks at Remus and they both know. 

Sirius takes a sharp intake of breath before answering the call. 

“Hello mother, to what do I owe the pleasure?” 

Chapter Text

Remus can’t hear what's being said, just faint mumbles that he can’t decipher. Sirius isn’t giving anything away with his facial expressions, he’s stayed concerningly neutral from the second he picked up the phone. 

Beside him, Marlene gives him a brief look, one that’s sympathetic, a touch angry, but he can’t bear to meet her gaze.

“Put it on speaker” Marlene whispers to him. 

Sirius rolls his eyes and mouths ‘fine’, pulling the phone away from his ear to put it on loud speaker. Walburga's voice fills the room, clipped and harsh. 

Remus feels a sense of dread, that this is all his fault and he can’t control it. Sirius is in trouble because of him and there's nothing that he can do. People know every single detail about him and he didn’t even know it was going to happen. 

He chews at his bottom lip anxiously, listening to Walburga speak. 

“You must cut ties with that boy,” Walburga commands, her voice filled with contempt. “I told you he’d be trouble. Send him home, Sirius, and salvage what’s left of your reputation.”

Sirius lets out a dry, humourless laugh. “No. I won’t do that.”

Walburga’s voice rises, thick with rage. “You ungrateful bastard! After all I’ve done for you—do you have any idea what this could cost us?”

“What, exactly?” Sirius’s voice is steady but edged with steel. “The article wasn’t even about me.”

Walburga’s voice is sharp, slicing through the silence. “You think that matters? Your association with... him is what they’ll remember. Your choices taint everything, Sirius. The family name. Everything we’ve built. You’re letting that boy drag you into scandal!”

“Nothing in the article was scandalous” Sirius shoots back.

“Sirius, you know full well” Walburga answers.

Sirius takes a breath, visibly reining himself in. “Mother,” he says icily, “I’m done letting you or anyone else dictate who’s worthy of my time or my care. Remus is worth more to me than all the pretences you hide behind. I won’t cut ties with him, no matter what you think that means.”

The silence that follows is thick, charged, as if even Walburga is shocked by his defiance. Remus’s pulse is pounding, his emotions tangled between disbelief, fear, and fierce gratitude. He can hardly believe Sirius would defend him so openly. 

When Walburga speaks again, her voice is lower, more dangerous. “You’re in a relationship with that boy.”

Sirius doesn’t hesitate. “I am,” he answers, steady, unflinching.

Walburga’s response is a venomous hiss, dripping with disgust. “You are a disgrace to this family. Your reckless… infatuation is worth nothing. Mark my words, Sirius, you’ll come to regret this. And when that boy inevitably leaves you I won’t be there to pick up the pieces."

Sirius closes his eyes briefly, as if centering himself, before opening them with a gaze as cold and unyielding as steel. “As if you ever would be. You stopped caring about me and my emotions years ago mother, let's not pretend that you care now. I’d rather be alone with Remus than bound to a family who sees love as disgraceful. You don’t understand what loyalty means.”

“Sirius” Walburga warns “You’re being rash and reckless. This could cost you your career. I’ve let you eat into this phase of yours for too long.”

Sirius’s eyes flash, and Remus can see it—that deep, smouldering fury, held back only by the sheer force of his will. “It’s not a phase, you know that it isn’t. I like men, I’ve always liked men and no matter how much you attempt to force me to change and pray to that God of yours that I'll be different–it won’t work.”

“Sirius. I don’t care who you decide to bed. I care that people will know and people will despise you for it.”

Sirius’s grip on the phone tightens, and his jaw clenches. “Is me being gay really that awful? What is so bad about it?”

“Everything” Walburga spits. 

For a moment, the single word hangs in the air, jagged and painful. He knows how Sirius has fought against this condemnation his entire life, tried to live with a family that saw every part of him as unacceptable, unworthy.

But something changes in Sirius now. He doesn’t look hurt or upset, not like Remus would expect. Instead, Sirius only laughs, a dark, bitter sound. 

“Well then,” he says, voice as cold as hers, “let me make this simpler for you. I don’t want your name attached to anything I do anymore. In fact, I’m done with all of it.” He pauses, and Remus sees him take a grounding breath before continuing, every word laced with finality. “I want a new manager, someone who works for me, not the idea of me you’ve been clinging to. If you continue trying to involve yourself in my life, in my career, I’ll consider legal action.”

There’s a sharp intake of breath on the other end, a silence filled with indignation and barely contained fury. When Walburga finally speaks, her voice is brittle, cracking under the strain. “You would truly cut ties with me for this—this nonsense? After all I’ve done for you?”

Sirius’s eyes narrow, his voice unyielding. “After all you’ve done? Mother, all you’ve done is try to control me, mould me into something I never wanted to be. Remus makes me happy and if it comes down to a choice, I’ll choose him every single time.”

Remus, heart pounding, watches Sirius with a fierce pride swelling in his chest. It’s as if Sirius is finally shedding years of control and manipulation, stepping into his own life, his own choices.

Yet his heart breaks for Sirius. He feels genuine pain standing there and watching as his boyfriend bares his soul to his mother just to have it thrown back in his face. The pain of knowing that Sirius has had to deal with this his whole life, the unacceptance, the manipulation.

There’s another pause, a silence that’s seething with Walburga’s unspoken rage. “Fine,” she snaps, her tone ice-cold, almost brittle. “You won’t come back from this Sirius. I won’t be here when you inevitably fuck it all up.”

“Good,” he replies, voice unwavering. 

Without waiting for a response, he hangs up, the room falling into silence. Slowly, he lets out a long, shaky breath, and Remus reaches for his hand, grounding him.

“I–” Marlene goes to speak, but at first no words come out “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

Sirius lets out a breathy, incredulous laugh, half-disbelieving, half-relieved. “Will Dorcas still take me as a client?”

Marlene grins and Remus can’t help but do the same “Of course she bloody will.”

Sirius looks at him now, something like hope in his eyes with a small playing at his lips. Remus uses his grip on Sirius’ hand to pull him into a bonecrushing hug. Sirius falls into him, wrapping his arms around Remus’ waist and burying his head into the crevice between his neck and shoulder. 

“I’ll leave you two alone” Marlene excuses herself “Dorcas will be here later today, text me whenever you’re ready.”

“Thank you Marlene,” Sirius smiles. 

Once she’s left, Remus grabs hold of Sirius face and kisses him right on the lips.

“I’m so proud of you” he says between kisses. 

Sirius smiles into it, their teeth clashing slightly. “I’m sorry about the article.” Kiss. “I should’ve noticed what she was doing.” Kiss. “We’ll speak to Dorcas later and we’ll fix it.” Kiss. “I promise you.”

Remus nods, their faces still so close. Close enough that their foreheads rest together. “I’m not ashamed that people know… about me. I don’t care if people know that I’m gay. I don’t want to have to lie about it. I just— I don’t want it to define me and I’m worried that’s what it will do.”

“You, Remus Lupin, are the smartest man I know. You amaze me every day with your mind, but also your kindness and your compassion. You’re honest and you’re helpful. You put everybody before yourself and you’re also incredibly sexy.”

Remus laughs and Sirius grins. 

“I feel like the luckiest man alive to be with you, but being with me doesn’t define you. No matter what Rita writes or what people might think, it doesn’t. Because you’re an incredible man who is so much more than your sexuality.”

I love you. He wants to scream it, but instead he pulls Sirius in again, kissing him breathlessly. 

“How is it that I teach literature yet your words leave me speechless?” He says once they’ve pulled away. 

“What can I say?” Sirius says smugly. 

Remus laughs and after a moment says, “I can’t believe you just fired your own mother.”

Sirius laughs too “Neither can I. Fuck I bet she’s so fuming. She’ll be smashing every photo she has of me. I’ll definitely be off the tapestry.”

“Tapestry?”

“Our whole family tree is on this huge tapestry in the dining room. It's her prized possession and she thinks it's this big power move to burn somebody off it when they piss her off.” He explains “She burnt my aunt off once for insulting her cooking.”

“Has your mother ever considered therapy, or even a rage room?” 

He laughs again, wrapping his arms around Remus’ neck and tangling his fingers in his hair. 

“Can we go back to bed now?” He asks, fluttering his eyelashes. 

“As if I’d say no” Remus grins. 

They’re interrupted once more by James who was the embodiment of a headless chicken, banging on the door and babbling about the article, not quite managing to get his words out.

But when Sirius tells him what happened, and how he’s thinking about hiring Dorcas instead. James jumps for joy and almost tackles him to the floor in a hug. 

Once James realises he’s in fact interrupting their romantic day in bed, he leaves under the promise they’ll all take Harry to the pool later that afternoon.

It’s at around three pm when Remus gets the email from Minerva, the one he’s been expecting since he’d first seen the article. 

However, rather than being scolded, Minvera simply emails to ask how he is and to show support. He lets out the sigh of relief he’s been holding in and lets Sirius read the email. She doesn’t care at all about the article and she says that if anyone on the board has an issue with it, she’ll sort it herself. He feels completely reassured by that, Minerva is a force to be reckoned with. 

Somewhere between ordering room service and putting on some italian tv that neither of them can understand, Sirius turns to Remus and asks “Will you stay with me even if I never come out?”

Remus doesn’t even need to think about it “Yeah. I would.”

And that’s just the way love works. 

For anybody else, fuck no, Remus wouldn’t hide that part of him, he wouldn’t surrender the ability to hold hands and kiss in public. But for Sirius, he’d give that up for eternity if he only asked. 

Sirius nods slowly “I do want to come out, eventually.”

“Nobody’s rushing you” Remus assures him, linking their hands over the duvet. 

“I don’t even want to do it for my own benefit. I want to do it for other people.” Sirius explains “I know for a fact I’m not the only queer footballer. I’ve had flings with some and I’ve heard rumours of others. I doubt I’m the only one on the team. But nobody wants to be the first one to come out because we’re all too scared. But, I think if I came out, other people might feel safer and more comfortable to do the same. I’d happily be the first openly gay footballer if it means there can be others.”

And Remus thinks in that moment that it just sums up the type of person Sirius is. He’ll take the brunt of it all to make it that little bit easier for other people. He’s selfless and he’s brave, far more than anybody Remus has ever met before. 

He considers himself the luckiest man alive to call Sirius Black his boyfriend. 

Remus squeezes Sirius’ hand before bringing it up to his lips to press a kiss to his knuckles. 

“You’re incredible,” he says.

Marlene texts Sirius later in the afternoon to tell him that Dorcas has arrived and she’s ready to meet with him whenever he’s available. So the two of them finally get out of bed and change to get ready for the day. 

Dorcas greets them both with a warm hug, telling them both how happy she is to see them, and in Remus’ case, to meet him. 

“So.” She begins, sitting down beside Marlene, opposite the two of them in one of the small conference rooms in the hotel. “I assume that you two are together.”

Remus looks at Sirius to answer. Sirius nods and says “Yeah. We are.”

Dorcas grins and continues “And this is private?”

“Yes,” Sirius says, “I’m not ready for people to know… not yet.”

“Thats fine," Dorcas assures them. “This is what I do. It’s whenever you’re ready Sirius. Until then though, we will need to be careful. I’m good at covering things up and keeping secrets but I can only do so much, you’ll both need to work with me on this.”

“I’ll do whatever you think is best.” Sirius says, but then he adds “But I don’t want any more fake relationships.”

Remus, who has his hand placed on Sirius’ thigh, gives it a thankful squeeze. 

Marlene laughs, “First order of business is to end the fake relationship with Mary.”

“Perhaps Walburgas worst idea to date," Dorcas adds. “We’ll need to give it a few weeks, otherwise people might piece together the article and the breakup and come up with the conclusion we don’t want them to. But I’m sure Mary will be just as happy to end it.”

“I think she might’ve hated it more than me” Sirius jokes and Remus feels as if maybe he’s missing something until Sirius turns to him and adds “She’s a raging lesbian.”

“As gay as they come," Marlene laughs.

Remus groans “Now I just feel stupid for getting so pissed off about those photos of you together.”

“In all fairness, you both deserve an oscar for those. They looked incredibly realistic.” Dorcas says “I might’ve believed it if I didn’t personally know Mary's girlfriend.”

“All of the lesbians in London know each other," Marlene tells them.

Sirius grins, his arm slipping around Remus’s waist. "She made me promise to buy her dinner every time we had to do one of those staged dates,” he says, chuckling. “And she purposely ate a tuna sandwich before we kissed.”

Dorcas smiles, reaching over to pat Sirius on the shoulder. "Well, we’ll handle it delicately. We can frame it as an amicable decision and avoid drawing too much attention. I’ll work with Mary’s team to keep it low-key."

“Sounds good,” Sirius nods.

"And Remus," Dorcas says, turning her focus to him, "if you’re comfortable, we can also work on ways to deflect press attention from you. As Sirius’s partner—private or public—you’ll both face scrutiny, but we can absolutely control the narrative. People lose interest quickly if they have nothing to latch onto.”

Remus nods, grateful for her thoughtfulness. "I appreciate it. But I really am quite boring, I’m sure they’ll leave me alone eventually.”

“I’d beg to differ," Sirius says with a smirk.

“Regardless, Rita will get tired eventually, especially once the tournament has ended and the attention on you dies down.” Dorcas carries on. She’s very professional, Remus must give her that. “I also wanted to ask about your career in modelling, will that be continuing?”

“God no” Sirius says quickly “Once this tournament is over I’d quite like to fall off the face of the earth for a little bit, at least until I start back up at Slytherin for the Prem.”

Dorcas writes that down but then turns to look at her wife, a look passing between them that wasn’t missed by Sirius or Remus. 

“What?” Sirius asks. 

“Do you want to go back to Slytherin?” Marlene questions.

Sirius’ face scrunches up in a confused way “I don’t really have a choice.”

“But you do,” Dorcas says “I know for a fact that Gryffindor has been trying to sign you for years, Ravenclaw too.”

“I didn’t– I was never told that they wanted to sign me” Sirius says in disbelief. 

Marlene scoffs “Typical Walburga.”

“It’s a big decision to make and I don’t think it’s something we should discuss yet” Dorcas says “After the tournament is over we’ll meet up properly in my office in London, but for now I think we should enjoy the last week or so of being in this lovely country.”

“Thank you Dorcas” Sirius smiles “You too Marlene.” 

When they’re back upstairs in their room, Sirius admits “I think I’d quite like to go to Gryffindor.” 

Remus holds him close. “Then we’ll make it happen.” 

Like clockwork, Moody has them back in practice at the crack of dawn the next day and Remus has to deal with being Sirius-less again. He reads for a little while in bed before going to find Lily and Harry downstairs. Lily is chatting away with Alice, both of them greeting him with a grin and updating him on the gossip they were telling. 

Neither of them mention the article and he’s thankful for that. He wants to let it pass, pretend it never happened. Like Dorcas said, as long as there is nothing to latch onto they’ll get bored. He’s stayed off of his phone and social media, doing his best to ignore the urge to just google himself and see what people are saying.

But he knows that mentally, he can’t handle that, not at the moment. He doesn’t want to know what people are saying about him and he’d much rather be ignorant and live with a bit of his dignity still intact. 

The semi finals follow two days later. They’re playing the Netherlands, a game where the bets are so evenly split, nobody knows who might win. 

Sirius wakes up that morning and Remus can tell he’s nervous. They stay in bed for as long as possible and Remus whispers words of encouragement to him up until the moment they have to part ways for Sirius to head down to the dressing rooms. 

Sirius shoots him an anxious smile and says “See you later” and Remus just thinks about how much he loves him. 

He and Lily sit with Alice at the back of the room until the game starts, a nervous feeling eating away at him. He watches the screen, watches the clips of them warming up and the commentators talking over the odds and each of the players. 

He knows how hard they’ve worked for this, how desperately they want it. 

Sirius needs this. 

The whistle blows and the three of them make their way out to the balcony for a better view. He keeps his eyes firmly on Sirius, like he always promised to do. 

The energy in the stadium is electric. Remus’s heart races with every pass, every tackle. People are chanting, screaming, clapping, stomping. 

“I might be sick,” Alice whispers, holding a hand over her mouth. 

“God, me too,” Lily agrees.

The game is brutal, each team pushing the other to the limit, the score stubbornly stuck at zero. Remus grips the railing tightly, his knuckles white, as Sirius narrowly misses a shot on goal. He can practically feel the frustration radiating off him from the field, but Sirius quickly brushes it off, refocusing. It’s like nothing can break his resolve.

Half time comes quickly, each of the teams disappearing for a moment. Remus can only imagine the talk that Moody is giving them at this moment. They’ve been playing well, better than well, but they need to make more attempts. They’re focusing too much on defending and not enough on attacking. Even Remus can notice that.

The second half starts and it’s as if the team has been reborn. Within seconds of the whistle blowing, Barty has the ball. He passes it to James who drives it forward to Evan. Evan gets it to Sirius with ease and it’s as if the other team hadn’t at all expected it, because their reactions are slow and they don’t quite make it in time. 

Sirius scores and the stadium goes wild. 

“YES!” Harry shouts, pumping his fist into the air. 

He gets it from his mother who is jumping around and screaming at the top of her lungs, her red hair flowing behind her. 

Sirius is being lifted by the rest of the team, but he looks up and his eyes meet Remus’ and it’s such a private moment amongst thousands of people. Sirius grins and he looks so heavenly. Remus can’t help but grin back even harder. 

Unfortunately, their goal must motivate the Netherlands who score only five minutes later after stealing the ball from under Zibani's feet. It’s more tense from then on, the clock ticking and the pressure becoming more palpable. 

They go into extra time, a final thirty minutes to play with all their mite. 

The team is running on pure grit now, everyone pushing past exhaustion. It feels like no one in the stadium is breathing as they inch closer to the end of extra time. The Netherlands have possession again, advancing dangerously close to their goal. 

But as they’re about to attempt a shot, Fabian intercepts it, sliding in to tackle the ball away to get it to Caradoc who passes it swiftly on to Gideon. 

Drums are playing as it gets passed to James and then to Frank. Remus can’t even bear to move, to speak, to breathe. His hands are covering his mouth as the ball is passed to Sirius and then to Barty. 

And when Barty scores in the 118th minute, the stadium erupts. 

The Netherlands don’t have a chance after that, that much is clear. They try their best, but England ups their defence and doesn’t give them a chance to get the ball onto their side of the pitch. 

The final whistle blows and England has won, the entire place a sea of cheers, waving flags, and utter pandemonium. 

Harry is jumping up and down. Lily lifts him into a hug, spinning him around with tears in her eyes. Alice is laughing, clasping her hands over her mouth in disbelief as she lets out an ecstatic cheer, her voice barely audible over the chaos. Neville is clutched close to her, his eyes bright as he watches his dad on the pitch. 

All Remus can do is watch Sirius. The way he unties his hair and helps lift Barty up onto the twins shoulders. They parade him around, waving to fans and signing shirts. He looks, quite frankly, obscene and Remus wants nothing more than to grab him and push him up against a wall to devour him. 

He doesn’t hesitate, as soon as he’s allowed he’s making his way down to the dressing rooms, Alice, Lily and the two boys in tow. They’re all equally as excited, it’s radiating off of them. 

The doors open and the team comes running out. James goes to Lily and Frank comes to Alice. But he doesn’t watch them, he only watches as Sirius comes straight up to him, grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him away.

Nobody notices as they practically stumble into a room and lock the door behind them, too distracted in soaking up their own victories. 

Remus does exactly what he wants to do, he pushes Sirius up against the door, slotting their bodies together and capturing his lips in a bruising kiss. 

“Fuck you were amazing” He says breathlessly before continuing his kisses down Sirius’ jaw. 

Sirius groans, his head falling back against the door with a thud. He arches into it, their bodies grinding together. 

“I fucking love you” Remus pants out against Sirius’ neck, without even thinking, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Because it is, loving Sirius Black is the most natural thing in the world. 

Sirius freezes​​, eyes wide, mouth slightly open, breathing heavily. “You mean that?”

Remus nods “I’ve never meant anything more.”

Sirius’s face breaks into a grin, “Thank God,” he whispers, a mix of relief and pure joy. Then he leans forward, kissing Remus fiercely, his hands finding their way into Remus’s hair as if he never wants to let go. He’s smiling even as he kisses him.

“I love you, too,” Sirius breathes out against his lips, barely a whisper but filled with so much weight, so much feeling. “I’ve loved you for so long.”

They stay there, pressed against the door, lost in each other, a world away from the roaring celebrations beyond it. In that moment, it’s as if the victory on the field was just the prelude; this, right here, is the real win.

(Padfoot):

They won!!!!!

I bet it was so brilliant to watch

(Moony):

Pads it was amazing 

He was so amazing 

(Padfoot):

You’re so whipped

(Moony):

I am

I told him I love him 

(Padfoot):

CNEFNIEFIVIIV

MOONY

THATS SUCH A BIG THING

I’M SO PROUD OF YOU 

DID HE SAY IT BACK?

(Moony):

He did

And i nearly died

(Padfoot):

Is now a good time to say that I might’ve seen an article 

About a certain plus one

Whose 28

A teacher

Homosexual 

(Moony):

Oh

I didn’t even think about the possibility of you seeing it

So you know who I am then?

(Padfoot):

I can pretend I never saw it

If that's what you want

(Moony):

No

It’s okay

I don’t mind

It just feels weird that you know so much about me now

And I hardly know anything about you at all

(Padfoot):

You know more about me than anybody else

I’m still Padfoot and you’re still Moony

Knowing your real name and what you look like doesn’t change that

Even if you are fit as fuck

(Moony):

Oh shut up

They’ve got a week until the final, yet it is by far not the most important event. 

Because it’s Harry Potter's birthday two days later and he is turning two. 

That is how the whole England team find themselves at a toddlers birthday party wearing party hats. James has somehow convinced them all into it, every player and their families are there to celebrate not only Harry but Neville too, their birthdays being only a day apart. 

Harry works the crowd just like his dad, doing his rounds and telling everybody what he has gotten for his birthday. Neville however stays close to his parents, holding his dads hand and sucking his thumb with his spare. 

Remus had gotten Harry a lot of books, far too many, but he couldn’t help it. He’d only gone shopping for one, to accompany the toy cooking set he’d also gotten him. But then he’d left with ten children's books and a new bookmark for himself. 

Sirius had shown them all up though, spending a small fortune on his Godson. The present wasn’t physically with them, too big to bring on a plane. But when Harry saw the photo of his brand new car, he screamed and threw himself at Sirius with so much excitement. 

It’s obviously not a real car, but it’s as close as a toddler can get to one. 

James was just as excited about it as Harry and Lily was completely blindsighted, expressing that they had absolutely nowhere to keep it. But James persuaded her that they can probably throw away the old exercise bike in their garage to make room for it. 

One thing that Remus does notice throughout the party is that Lily is most definitely giving Sirius the cold shoulder. She won’t look at him, she avoids conversations with him. He wonders if the toy car really upset her that much. 

But then later on he sees them talking in hushed whispers and Lily storms off and he realises it must be bigger than that. 

“What’s going on with you and Sirius?” He demands later on, after the cake has been cut and people are starting to leave. 

“Nothing” She says shortly, busying herself with tidying toys.

“It’s clearly something” He pushes, eyeing her carefully. 

“He can be the one to tell you” She grumbles, turning away to go and say goodbye to Barty and Evan. 

So later on he asks Sirius. 

“What’s going on with you and Lily?” 

Sirius shrugs “Nothing.”

Remus rolls his eyes “She said the same thing, but it’s clearly not nothing.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say Remus” Sirius says “It’s nothing. We just get annoyed with each other sometimes, she’s like my sister.”

Remus isn’t convinced. He mumbles an “okay” and drops it, but he can’t quite shake the feeling that Sirius is lying to him. A constant sick feeling settles in his stomach. 

(Moony):

I think he’s hiding something from me  

(Padfoot):

What do you mean? 

(Moony):

He and my friend were arguing earlier and when I asked her about it she said that he’d tell me

But I asked him and he said that it was nothing

When i know that it was something

He’s lying right to my face

(Padfoot):

Maybe it was just a little bicker?

They might’ve made up already

(Moony):

I don’t know

Something isn’t right 

I just hate being lied to

(Padfoot):

Sometimes lying is necessary 

(Moony):

Not to people that you love

Remus keeps a watchful eye on Sirius and Lily, not letting himself forget. The next day they seem wary of each other, but they don’t seem to be arguing anymore. James overcompensates for the change in mood until eventually they’re all smiling and it all seems forgotten. 

They have lunch and they take Harry to the park and Sirius and Lily talk without hostility. Things seem okay again and he realises perhaps it was just a bicker and he had gotten worked up over nothing. 

That’s why when Remus turns a corner later that evening after being sent to reception to ask for some bottles of water and hears the familiar hushed whispers of James and Lily down the hall, he doesn’t quite piece things together. 

“He needs to tell him,” Lily whispers. 

“I know” James agrees “I’ve been telling him from the start.”

“It won’t end well," Lily says. 

“I know” James agrees again. 

Remus wonders who they’re talking about, but he forgets all about it when he gets back to his room and sees Sirius in his bed looking far too kissable to ignore. 

He’s blissfully ignorant, but he definitely isn’t stupid. He’ll figure it out eventually.

Chapter Text

Remus is lounging in bed. Sirius had gotten back from practice three hours ago and he’d fallen asleep as soon as he’d gotten in. Remus has been reading beside him, doing his absolute best not to make a noise or move too much so that Sirius can get the rest he deserves.

Practices over the last few days have been intense and Sirius has been returning more exhausted than ever, falling asleep instantly almost every time. Moody is working them to the max, every small mistake is fixed immediately, any weaknesses made stronger and any blindspots are made the focal points. 

He and Sirius have been better than brilliant and despite Sirius’ tiredness each day, they spend so many intimate moments together, both emotionally and physically and Remus just feels so in love.

He’s so in love that he’s completely forgotten just days ago that he thought Sirius was hiding something from him. But that's how those rose-tinted glasses work. 

He looks over at Sirius beside him, smiling at how peaceful he looks. Risking to reach a hand out and brush a strand of hair that’s fallen over his eyes. He does it so gently, enough to not stir his boyfriend. 

But then a loud knock comes at the door which startles them both. Sirius’ eyes flash open and Remus jumps. Their reactions startle each other even further.

You could say it’s fight or flight, a knock at their door never means much good. 

“You get it” Sirius grumbles, turning back over and trying to close his eyes again. 

“Fine” Remus huffs, putting his book down on the bedside table and stomping over to the door. 

He opens it and there is a loud “SURPRISE!” from the other side and he’s greeted with three unfamiliar faces. 

Well maybe they aren’t so unfamiliar. 

“Oh!” An older woman says “You’re not Sirius.”

The younger man with dark hair and Sirius’ grey eyes but in an almost darker shade, narrows his eyes and asks “Who are you?”

Sirius is at his side now, a reassuring hand on the lower part of his back. A huge grin plastered across his face. 

“What are you all doing here?” He asks excitedly, pushing the door open further than Remus had allowed it to open. 

“We came to surprise you!” The older man says, a smile so much like James’. He closes the door behind himself. All five of them are now in the bedroom.

Sirius hugs the woman first, then the older man and then the younger one and Remus just stands there, his mouth awkwardly hanging open because he is just rather startled. 

“Everyone, this is my boyfriend, Remus” Sirius introduces him, gesturing to him dramatically “And Remus this is Effie, Monty and my brother Regulus.”

“Oh” Remus sounds. A relieved breath following.

It was bloody obvious. Of course they were James’ parents, their warm skin tones and their bright smiles and eyes. And of course the man with those dark grey eyes and that specific dark shade of hair is Sirius’ brother. 

“Oh that's wonderful!” Effie smiles, now hugging Remus like he’s her own. It’s a motherly hug, one which reminds him so much of his mum. “It’s lovely to meet you Remus.”

“You too Mrs Potter” He says, feeling much less tense than he had seconds ago. 

“Oh, none of that” She says, stepping away “Call me Effie, please.”

“Okay, sorry Effie.”

She grins. “Sirius never told us you were quite so handsome.”

Remus looks at Sirius with a smirk, “You told them about me?”  his boyfriend's cheeks go bright red. 

Monty steps forward and shakes Remus’ hand. “Nice to meet you Remus. Sorry about the shock, James didn’t warn us that Sirius had anybody with him.”

“And I’m sure he did that on purpose” Remus counters, which makes Monty laugh. 

They both look so much like James, unmistakably so. But they also have his ability to make you feel comfortable within seconds, something he’s sure James learnt from them. Within minutes of meeting them, he already feels comfortable and assured. 

He understands now why Sirius loves them so much. 

“Is this why you told me I couldn’t come anymore?” Regulus asks Sirius. He’s keeping his distance from Remus, but that original scowl on his face is gone and has been replaced with a teasing raising of his eyebrows. “To bring a boy?”

“I–” Sirius stutters. “No I–”

“He told me that you couldn’t get away from work” Remus tells Regulus, eyebrows quirked. 

Regulus chuckles to himself “Oh really? Wow Sirius, I see where your loyalties lie.”

“No it’s not like that” Sirius tries to defend himself, spluttering and stressed. 

Regulus just looks at Remus and says “To be fair, I’d have done the same. Well done brother.”

Remus’ cheeks burn. Sirius grumbles. “Don’t hit on my boyfriend in front of me.”

“I also saw the article.” Regulus adds. 

His boyfriend rolls his eyes. “You’re making me sweat for nothing then.”

“Well I wasn’t 100% sure you were together. Only like 98%.” 

“Oh I knew” Effie says “I could see it in the eyes. That one of the two of you by the fountain, you looked so in love.”

“I wasn’t so sure, not after those photos of you with that lovely girl Mary” Monty tells them. 

“Oh, we don’t talk about that," Sirius says shyly. “I erm, I’m not sure if James told you, but I quite recently fired my mother, so there won’t be anymore fake relationships or underwear photoshoots.”

Effie rushes to hug Sirius again “Oh this day just gets better and better!”

“Well done son” Monty congratulates him, a firm hand on his shoulder. 

An awkward moment passes between Sirius and Regulus, like everyone is expecting Regulus to say something, some sort of reaction. Instead, he just nods approvingly and says “Good riddance.”

“So” Effie says, sensing the need for a conversation switch. “Tells us about yourself Remus”

After what feels like answering a million questions about himself and how his and Sirius’ relationship came to be. Monty claps his hands and says “We best be off to leave these two lovebirds alone.”

“Yes of course” Effie agrees “Will you join us for dinner tonight? Both of you?”

“We’ll be there” Sirius answers for the both of them. 

Effie smiles and reaches out to cup a hand over Sirius’ cheek. “I really am so proud of you Beta. Not just for football, but for everything.” 

“Thanks mum” Sirius smiles back, so genuine, so loving. 

When they’re leaving, Remus finally gets a handshake from Regulus. Sirius gawks beside him, not even getting his own goodbye. 

When the door is closed Remus says “That went okay, didn’t it?”

“Regulus shook your hand. That's better than okay” Sirius tells him, bemused. “It took him two years to shake James’ hand.”

“So he liked me then?” 

“All three of them did” Sirius assures him, reaching out to cup Remus’ face below his jaw, his fingers tracing the stubble that he needed to shave. “You were perfect.”

Remus reaches out and pulls Sirius into him. “I love you," he says. 

“I love you too,” Sirius smiles. He uses his grip on Remus’ jaw to kiss him gently on the lips. 

Dinner that evening is some of the most fun Remus has had in a while. It’s like their Friday night dinners again, yet so much more chaotic and interesting. Effie, Monty and Regulus do their fair share of telling embarrassing stories about Sirius, making everybody, including Sirius laugh so hard. 

They eat and they talk and Remus genuinely enjoys himself. He doesn’t feel shy like he usually does when meeting new people. When he had met Fen's parents he had been so nervous he thought he might be sick, shaking and anxious. Yet being around the Potters feels so right, like he really fits in. 

Monty and Effie fight over Harry's attention throughout the whole meal, doing their best to win their grandson over. Regulus doesn’t partake in that and instead takes to switching between grilling Remus and making jokes with him (mostly at Sirius’ expense.)

“How’re you both feeling about Friday?” Effie asks her two sons, care in her eyes. 

James answers first “I’m fucking terrified, but I’ve also never been so excited about anything before.”

Lily raises an eyebrow “Never?”

James laughs awkwardly “Besides marrying my lovely wife and the birth of my wonderful son.”

“Damn right” Lily grins. 

Attention turns to Sirius to answer and Sirius says “I feel better now that you’re all here.”

Effie and Monty grin, Regulus rolls his eyes and mutters something about Sirius being a sap but a small smile creeps onto his lips nonetheless.

“I er, I was actually going to wait until we were home to say, but no time better than the present–” Sirius begins.

“God you’re not getting married are you?” Regulus asks.

“Shut up” Sirius tells him, unimpressed. “I’m thinking about leaving Slytherin, actually.”

Eyes widen and an obvious shock falls throughout the table. 

“And go where?” James asks. 

Sirius looks at Remus who looks back at him with a smile and a knowing look. “I was hoping to come to Gryffindor, if that's okay with you.”

James’ grin says it all. He’s immediately out of his seat, coming round the table to grab Sirius into a brotherly bear hug. “When did you decide this?”

“When Dorcas told me they’d been trying to sign me for years” Sirius tells them “Mother had conveniently hidden that from me.”

Regulus lets out a short, clipped laugh “Typical.”

“Oh this is all so wonderful” Effie looks overwhelmed, like she might just cry. 

They take it in turns to congratulate Sirius, all approving of the switch and all so happy for him. 

Lily clears her throat and says “Whilst we’re sharing our good news…”

She reaches into her small clutch bag on the table and pulls out a pregnancy test. 

“You’re not,” Remus gasps. 

“We are” James nods proudly, his eyes already welling with tears. 

“I’m gonna be a big brudda” Harry announces and it’s so sweet and so innocent and it makes them all bloody cry. 

After the initial congratulations, Remus wipes his eyes and says “I can’t believe you’re leaving me on my own at work for nine bloody months.”

Lily smiles, pulling him in for a side hug “You’ll survive.”

The joy from the news is elating and dinner continues in a happy haze. They order more food and all of them, beside Lily, drink some more wine. He can’t believe it’s taken him so long to notice that Lily hasn’t been drinking over the past few weeks. She usually drinks them all under the table yet she’s been turning them down ever since he’d gotten to Rome.

And God he feels guilty. All of his own issues clouding her happy moment. The stress he’d given her last week. He’ll make that up to her, once the final is over and they’re back home he’ll take her out for a special day, just the two of them. And the baby he supposes. 

He and Sirius return back to their room, only slightly merry. Sirius rambles on about how he’s going to regret this in the morning, a hangover combined with Moody's recent training regime could be considered a type of hell. 

They kiss and giggle like school boys until it eventually gets late enough that their eyes droop close and they fall asleep in each other's arms. 

Sirius is extra dramatic in waking up the next morning, his alarm blasting at six am and the both of them groaning and trying to cover their ears. 

Remus doesn’t make any attempt to move and he definitely doesn’t start his day with Sirius like he usually does, and this pisses Sirius off out of pure jealousy. They bicker and make sly comments at each other until Sirius eventually kisses him on the lips and leaves. 

He goes back to sleep until about ten. He misses breakfast so instead opts to change and go down to the cafe around the corner for one of their ciabattas. One thing he will 100% miss about Italy is the food and the coffee. It’s better than anything he’s eaten in the UK, although nobody else will admit that in case of offending Pete.

He’s excited to go home, genuinely. He’s excited to go back and start his life there properly with Sirius as his boyfriend. But he wants to continue living this fantasy just for a while longer because it all just feels too good to be true. They wasted so much time, hiding their feelings and running from each other. 

He enjoys the late morning/early afternoon alone, soaking up the Italian sun and the culture around him. He people watches until he starts to feel like a bit of a weirdo, and then he finishes up his coffee and heads back towards the hotel. 

Tomorrow is the final and whether they win or lose, they’ll be leaving the day after. So they all savour their last proper day together. 

James and Sirius get back from practice and Effie, Monty and Regulus come to meet them at the hotel. They all swim with Harry who is absolutely elated to have everybody he loves with him in the pool to play Mermaid Wizards. And then afterwards they get icecream from the hotel's ice cream parlour and sit outside in the courtyard. 

Remus gets to know Regulus better, taking a liking to his quick wit and dry humour. They become fast friends which Sirius expresses he both loves and hates. He loves that they get along, but he hates how powerful the two of them will be against him. 

Lily tells them all about her pregnancy so far, how James had to change his aftershave because the smell made her want to vomit and how she cannot stop eating pickled onions. Remus then does recall how Lily has eaten an extreme amount of pickles over the last few weeks. 

God he can be so oblivious sometimes. 

By Moody's instructions, they’re to be in bed and asleep by eleven and they’re both far too scared not to do as they’re told. So they say goodbye to everybody at around eight and go up to their room to enjoy their penultimate night in their hotel room together. 

The hotel room has really seen it all. The absolute highest and the lowest of lows. 

“I don’t want to leave, not yet” Sirius admits, cuddled up to Remus’ side.

Remus hums in agreement “Me neither.”

“Can we move here?”

“Maybe one day.” Remus smiles, stroking Sirius’ hair gently. “When teaching inevitably makes me lose my mind.” 

“I’ll look after you if it does.” Sirius tells him. 

In the morning they’re both nervous balls of jitters. Remus is just as nervous as Sirius, and he’s not even playing in the bloody game. But he’s so anxious about how his boyfriend feels that he’s working himself up into stress. 

They stay in bed until they have to get up and Remus goes down to reception to see him off. They’re going to the stadium early, to practise and to prepare. So Remus is left with Lily, Harry, Effie, Monty and Regulus until around one pm and they can all finally make their way over. 

In the box, it’s different from every other game. People don’t make small talk, anybody hardly talks at all. They all just stand and watch, completely unable to express anything other than nerves. 

(Moony):

Are you watching?

(Padfoot):

Of course!!

Me and all of England

(Moony):

I’m going to be sick

(Padfoot):

Have some faith Moons

They’ll win this

(Moony):

I really hope so

Knowing what will follow if they lose is what really scares him. The blame, the hateful messages, the comments, the articles. He’s seen it before, in previous years, he knows what James has told him about his own experiences. 

And it terrifies him. The thought of them losing and people turning on Sirius, his lovely, wonderful Sirius who worked nothing but hard for this, who wants nothing more than to win this. 

He really is going to be sick.

By the time the first whistle blows, he’s practically vibrating, unable to stay still, his eyes darting to follow the ball at all times. Nobody talks to him, he talks to nobody. They all just watch, attention captured. 

There’s one moment, when Sirius stays on the ground for a little bit too long after a tackle and Effie grabs ahold of Remus’ hand, squeezing it reassuringly until Sirius gets up and they let out a breath of relief. 

Nobody scores in the first half and when the team comes out to begin the second half, they’re greeted with the chants of thousands. He watches Sirius and he sees the smile that spreads across his face when he hears it.

He knows at that point, Sirius will not stop until they win. It’s all in his eyes. 

Every time Sirius gets close to the ball, the crowd’s energy spikes, and Remus feels his pulse jump. They’re pushing forward now, his team driving toward the opponent’s goal with renewed intensity. The midfield sends the ball to James, who takes a step forward and scans the field. For a moment, Remus swears he can feel James’s mind working, calculating. 

Then, James spots Sirius darting into an open lane, and with a quick flick of his foot, he sends the ball toward him. Sirius catches it cleanly, weaving through two defenders with quick footwork that draws gasps from the crowd. He’s running out of space, the last defender closing in on him, but he doesn’t hesitate. With a sharp pivot, Sirius lines up and sends the ball hurtling toward the top left corner of the net.

It all happens in a flash, but for Remus, it feels like slow motion. He sees the goalie dive, arms outstretched, the crowd holding their breath, and then—

The ball slips just out of the keeper’s reach and lands in the back of the net.

The stadium erupts.

Remus is on his feet, shouting, clapping, unable to contain the elation surging through him. Effie has her hands over her mouth, tears in her eyes, and Monty’s cheering with his arm around her. 

Regulus, surprisingly, is grinning, caught up in the thrill of it all. “Fucking yes!” he shouts, so proud of his brother. 

Their cheering is loud, Sirius and James’ family louder than any others in the box. 

On the field, Sirius is being swarmed by his teammates, their elated shouts echoing through the air. Even from the stands, Remus can see the joy radiating from his face, his triumphant grin, the way he looks up at the crowd and points up toward the box. Remus swears it’s a gesture meant just for him.

A chant especially for Sirius sounds out, everybody shouting “Black is back!” and Remus joins in, eye contact with Sirius as he does. His boyfriend grins, his cheeks slightly flushing before jogging back to the formation to continue the game. 

“You’re both sickening” Regulus remarks, an eyebrow raised. 

“God, I know,” Remus admits, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You’re er, good together though” Regulus continues, it looks like it physically pains him to say “I’m glad that you found each other."

“Thank you,” Remus says.

“Even if it meant I was uninvited from an all expenses paid holiday.” 

He’s never going to let that go.

The game continues, Spain struggles to catch up, pulling out all of the stops but struggling to quite get them past the England defence. The team look as if they’re running off of pure adrenaline, their goal pushing them to keep trying, to keep making attempts.

There's one more almost goal from Barty who misses by the skin of his teeth. The crowd lets out a communal “ooo”, wincing as the goalkeeper's glove barely skims it but manages to push it enough off course to hit the crossbar. 

They’re playing strong, the ball hardly out of possession. Malfoy manages to drive it towards Barty again, who passes it to Dolohov. 

Sirius is right there, his defender elsewhere, in a perfect spot to shoot. 

Yet, Dolohov doesn’t pass the ball and instead attempts to make a goal on his own. It’s clear to anybody else that it won’t work and when the ball flies right over the goal, people shout and he notices Sirius rolls his eyes. 

Monty grumbles beside him “Selfish twat. Sirius would’ve gotten that.”

This means that Spain gets a goal kick, one which the goalie manages to soar right towards the other side of the pitch. A player gets it, tactfully passing it to his teammate who had managed to body faint and get away from Frank. 

The Spanish fans are cheering as the ball gets dangerously close to the goal, what feels like a last chance for them with the final few minutes approaching. 

Moody is shouting from the bench, his face red with anger. Marlene is beside him, her hands waving about as she tries to gesture to them. 

And if it wasn’t for James Potter's big head, Spain might’ve gotten it.

But as a blonde Spanish player with the number four takes the shot, James gets in front of the goal and headers it away. 

Had he not been there, it would’ve gone in. Kingsley had dove the wrong way and the goal was on aim to go in. 

“FUCK YES!” Lily shouts, jumping up and down with Harry in her arms. 

Monty’s embracing Effie, the two of them in blubbers of tears as they celebrate. 

“I knew his big head was useful for something!” Effie says proudly, wiping her eyes. 

They know they’ve won at that point. With only two minutes left, it’s practically impossible for Spain to make any more attempts, not with the way that England holds the ball, passing it between them and buffering. 

Remus is so proud. So fucking proud. And when that final double whistle sounds he cheers so much that his throat aches and his hands hurt. 

Everybody in the box celebrates together, champagne bottles popping and people crying. As soon as they’re allowed down to the dressing room, it’s like a race to be the first there, to see their person first. 

And when Sirius comes out with James, the players of the match, everybody cheers for them. But that doesn’t matter, because Sirius locks eyes with Remus and it doesn’t matter that anybody else is there. 

Sirius is still in his kit, his cheeks flushed, his eyes bright with the high of their win. The noise in the dressing room is overwhelming, with teammates laughing, hugging, and even chanting as they spray each other with champagne.

“I’m so proud of you” Remus says, pulling Sirius into a bonecrushing hug as soon as he’s close enough. 

Sirius laughs, a wet laugh, as if he still can’t quite believe it. “I love you” he says loud enough for only Remus to hear. 

“I love you too” Remus says back. 

Unfortunately, they have to pull away and it physically pains Remus. But other people want to congratulate Sirius and they also can’t be so obvious in their relationship. So he has to contain it, for now, until they can get somewhere private and he can shower his boyfriend with so much love. 

It’s when Dorcas comes over to congratulate Sirius that a voice says “Sirius.”

Sirius's head snaps towards Rita Skeeter whose stood beside them, notebook and pen in hand. 

“I’d love to get a statement from you” She says, her voice almost flirtatious. 

“No thanks” Sirius says bluntly.

“It’s what your fans would want” Rita tries to insist. 

Sirius looks as if he’s going to say something, but Dorcas steps in “If you’d like to speak to Sirius you’ll need to arrange an appointment with me Rita, but I’m afraid he’s fully booked for the next few months.” 

She says it with one of those false customer service smiles which makes Rita's smug grin fall into a scowl. 

“What about you James?” She asks, turning on James now.

“Nah” James shrugs “I’m good.”

“Lily?” Rita continues. 

“Not a chance” Lily insists. 

She turns on Remus next. “What about you, love?”

Remus laughs, a short sound “Nope.”

Rita’s smile tightens, her eyes flicking between them all with a barely veiled annoyance. But she doesn’t push further, just scribbles something sharp into her notepad before flouncing off, heels clicking across the tiled floor.

“Pest,” Marlene mutters under her breath, watching Rita make her way over to Lucius who welcomes her with a smile. She shakes her head and hands Sirius a bottle of champagne, the grin on her face irrepressible. “Here’s to England’s newest heroes!"

Sirius grins, popping the cork with a celebratory spray. He turns, passing the bottle around, laughter bubbling up as his teammates cheer and take turns taking a swig. James comes up to him, tousling Sirius’s hair affectionately, which earns him a swat on the arm.

“Watch it, Potter,” Sirius laughs, shoving him back playfully. “I need this hair intact for the post-game photos.”

"Good luck with that," James says, grinning. "I’m pretty sure Moody wants you to look as rough as possible for that warrior aesthetic."

Just then, Regulus makes his way through the crowd, clearly uncomfortable amidst the chaotic celebrations but pushing his way through all the same. He reaches Sirius, and for a moment, the brothers just look at each other, an unspoken sentiment passing between them. Regulus finally gives a small, almost reluctant nod of acknowledgment.

“You did good, Sirius,” he says, the words coming out stiffer than intended but earnest nonetheless.

Sirius’s face softens, and he claps a hand on Regulus’s shoulder, squeezing it with a fondness that surprises them both. “Thanks, Reg.”

The team are dragged off for photos and Remus feels as if he might burst if he doesn’t get Sirius alone soon. Celebrations continue whilst they’re gone but Remus and Sirius stand in a corner, sharing a bottle between the two of them and watching on. 

Eventually the team returns and everybody starts to make their way back to the hotel where a party and celebrations will likely greet them. 

Sirius walks beside him. Every time their hands brush, Remus feels an urge to just take Sirius’s hand and hold on. But for now, he settles for that gentle, fleeting touch. There's too much attention on them to be reckless. 

And on purpose, to push Remus beyond a point of no return, Sirius leans in close to his ear and whispers “I thought about you the whole time.”

Remus grins “You did?”

“About what you’d do to me if we won.” Sirius continues.

He groans, without even thinking, it just escapes him. “Fuck you” he mumbles.

“That's what I was hoping for,” Sirius winks.

Remus gives him a gentle shove, enough to get him away from Remus’ ear. But that's not before he looks at him, smirks and says “Later.”

Later comes and they’ve barely stumbled through the door before Remus has Sirius shoved up against it, kissing every inch of skin that's readily available to him. 

The journey back had been a duel of teasing. Sirius would make sly comments and flutter his eyelashes at Remus and Remus would retort with his own. By the time they got back to the hotel, they were both so worked up that they couldn’t spare a single second. With barely an audible excuse to be leaving the celebrations, Sirius grabbed Remus by the arm and dragged him away. 

“You were incredible” Remus says, biting at Sirius’ jaw “You looked incredible.”

Sirius moans, his head falling back against the door with a thud. It’s barely above a whisper, but he says “I could see you more clearly today.”

Remus hums, his fingers working beneath Sirius’ top. He’s still in his kit, sweaty and dirty but Remus quite frankly doesn’t give a fuck in this moment. 

“I saw you with my family and, ugh, fuck Remus.” He cuts off when Remus’ hand dips below the waistband of his shorts “I just love you so much.”

Remus looks at him, using his other hand to pull Sirius into him for a slow and dirty kiss. “I love you too.”

And then he drops to his knees and not much else is said after that. 

They return to the party half an hour or so later, looking far less tense and wound up. Sirius has changed out of his kit, into some jeans and a shirt and it’s obvious when they go down that a lot of the team had done the same.

He took the time to check his phone whilst Sirius was showering.

(Padfoot):

THEY WON!!!!!

How do you feel?

Incredibly turned on?

(Moony):

Ding ding ding

Incredibly turned on

It was so amazing Pads 

I wish you’d have been there 

I’m sure watching it from a pub was fun but fuck

Watching it in person was just crazy

(Padfoot):

God if you’d have told me three months ago

That Moony would be a football fan

I’d have laughed in your face

This man has done a number on you

(Moony):

He has

I’m going to get incredibly drunk tonight with the England team

If you’d have told me that three months ago i’d have probably

Idk thrown up?

(Padfoot):

You travel back tomorrow right?

(Moony):

Yeah

Flights at 10am

(Padfoot):

Ouch

That’ll be rough on a hangover 

(Moony):

At least i won’t suffer alone

Do you have much else planned tonight?

(Padfoot):

Err nah not really

I’ll just chill at home

(Moony):

I’ll have my phone on me at all times if you get lonely 

As long as you’re okay with some drunk texts

(Padfoot):

I happen to love drunk texts 

Have a good night Moons xx

As soon as they arrive at the party, waiters are handing them drinks and offering them food on black trays. Sirius, who made them go through a drive through on the way back from the game (in the name of making Remus wait longer) declines the food, but takes the drink and throws it back instantly. 

“I’m so ready for a few months off” Sirius says, and then adds “With you.”

Remus grins “I can’t wait either, except I go back to work in two weeks.”

Sirius huffs “I’ll just have to brave the days alone until you return home to me.”

Remus hesitates, the weight of the conversation hitting him. “Is that er, my home, or yours?”

“Oh I–” Sirius begins, stopping himself to think “yours.” He decides, “If that's okay with you.”

“You want to move in?” Remus asks quietly.

“Maybe not move in, but reside in most days of the week?” Sirius suggests. “If that's what you want?”

Remus nods enthusiastically “Yeah. You know it is.”

Sirius grins “Okay.” He looks at Remus and says “Shall we go and get pathetically drunk?”

The night continues in a blur. There's emotional speeches, lots of tears, so much vodka, karaoke? Remus has so many conversations he can hardly remember and he loses Sirius for half of the night because he and James won’t stop torturing everybody on the karaoke machine. 

It’s around one am when Lily comes over to him with tired eyes and an exhausted smile and says “I can’t stay here sober anymore. Will you make sure my husband and his father get back to the room okay? Me and Effie are going to go and watch a movie.”

Remus laughs “Of course.”

He says goodbye to Effie, who kisses him on the cheek and makes him promise that he and Sirius will go to theirs for dinner when they arrive home. Of course he says yes, he’s heard the legends of Effies cooking. 

It’s about two when he’s caught in a conversation with Evan and Barty. Caught used lightly, he’s having fun, but he can’t quite escape the feeling that he’s third wheeling. It’s a suspicion he’s had over the last few weeks, seeing the two men together, always whispering, always making crude jokes.

It’s Sirius who comes to excuse him, dragging him to the dance floor where he surprisingly finds Regulus dancing with Narcissa (who has for once let her hair down, both literally and metaphorically.) 

Regulus is perhaps drunker then them all and he’ll definitely be fuming in the morning when he finds out they let him actually dance, but for now they just laugh and dance with him. 

Three am finds them doing shots at the bar, a shot roulette or whatever the twins called it. It’s when Remus starts to feel his head spin and his stomach feel unsettled. He also has an incredible need for food. Pizza specifically. 

Hayden tries to flirt with him again, to which Sirius, quite obviously, interrupts and behaves awkwardly until Hayden finally gets the message and leaves. Usually Remus would feel bad, but he loves seeing Sirius jealous and he’s far too drunk to care. 

At around four, they’re snogging in one of the private rooms, messy and desperate. But Remus pulls away and says that he really wants a pizza, which then makes Sirius want a pizza. 

So five am finds them sitting on the floor in the courtyard eating a pizza. Monty, James, Regulus, Frank and Alice are with them and they’re all looking up at the sky. 

“Thats me!” Sirius says proudly, pointing up at the Sirius star. 

“That one's you Reg!” James tells them, pointing at the leo constellation. 

Regulus blushes, looking down at his lap. Remus doesn’t miss that, no matter how drunk he is. 

“Theres Lupus” Monty says, incredibly drunk. The drunkest Remus has ever seen a man of that age get. “Like Lupin, Remus.”

“Oh wow” Remus mumbles, his neck hurting a bit from looking up. 

“Sirius can I ask a questiano?” Frank asks, doing a terrible Italian accent. 

“Of course Frankie” Sirius smiles. 

“You two are shagging, right?” He asks, gesturing between Remus and Sirius. 

“Frank!” Alice laughs, slapping her husband playfully “We said we wouldn’t ask.”

Sirius just shrugs “Yeah. We are. A lot!” 

Regulus groans, James laughs and Remus smiles. 

“But don’t tell anyone” Sirius adds “I’d have to let Reg kill you.”

Frank all but giggles “Your secrets safe with us.”

It’s around six, and the sun's rising but they’re still up. Remus’ head is spinning and he’s crouched over a toilet doing his absolute best not to vomit. Sirius is doing the same but over the sink. 

It’s quite romantic. 

“What's the point in even sleeping?” Sirius mumbles “We need to leave in two hours.”

Remus hums in agreement “Shall we just order coffee and shag a bit?”

“Sounds good,” Sirius agrees. 

Seven sees them fast asleep, coffees cold and neglected, still fully dressed in last night's clothes, sprawled across the bed. The second their heads hit the pillows, they were asleep, sex be damned. 

And when that alarm goes off at seven thirty, Remus feels like death. Absolute horror. 

“Oh fuck” Sirius says, hand over his mouth before running off to the bathroom. 

Remus feels as if his head is splitting, but he drags himself up to hold Sirius’ hair back. He’s hardly even able to stand, the overwhelming exhaustion hitting him. 

God today's going to be hell. 

(Moony):

I might be dead 

I think I am dead

I feel dead 

(Padfoot):

Good night then?

(Moony):

I think so

Can hardly bloody remember it though

I just remember so many shots 

And karaoke 

And pizza 

(Padfoot):

Sounds like my ideal night out 

Drink some water and take some paracetamol for the headache 

Sleep it off on the plane 

Goodluck Moons xx 

Luckily, Dorcas and Marlene, the lifesavers, greet them in reception with electrolyte drinks and breakfast. They’re being swarmed by the team when Sirius and Remus finally roll their suitcase up to them. 

“You two look too okay” Sirius grumbles.

“Because they left at two to go off and shag,” Remus says bitterly.

Marlene laughs “And because we didn’t play bloody shot roulette three times.”

Remus groans, stomach turning. “Please don’t.”

Dorcas laughs, “Heard from your brother this morning Sirius?”

“No, the lucky sod doesn’t have a flight until eight pm, he’ll sleep all day.” Sirius complains “Whose idea was it to book ours so early?”

“Mine” Marlene grins, sticking out her tongue “Now get on the bloody coach.”

The coach journey is dire, silent the whole way to the airport. People are either sleeping, contemplating their life choices, or just too hungover to muster the energy to talk. 

He and Sirius don’t talk, but Sirius rests his head on Remus’ shoulder, eyes closed until they arrive at the airport. 

“I need food,” Lily insists as soon as they arrive. James gags beside her, insisting that if he eats he’ll throw up, so Remus goes with her to get breakfast whilst James and Sirius take themselves off to the toilets. 

He manages to sleep on the flight. Sirius lets him have the window seat and he only wakes up half an hour before they land, feeling a little more well rested but far more hungover. 

“Can I come to yours tonight?” Sirius asks him.

“Yeah” Remus smiles “We can order food and watch a film.”

“Sounds perfect.”

When they land, Remus feels a sense of sadness, that it’s all over and he’s got to return to a sense of normality. But then Sirius reaches out to give his hand a squeeze whilst nobody's looking, and he’s reminded that he’s got Sirius and that's better than anything he could’ve ever imagined. Things definitely won’t go back to normal now. 

“Come back to ours for a bit?” Lily suggests when they’re heading towards their cars, parked next to each other in the carpark. “I’m not ready to say goodbye yet.”

And because they won’t say no to the pregnant woman, or James and Harry’ sad faces. They agree. 

Sirius drives them there and when they pull into the driveway, Remus realises how far they’ve come in the past few weeks. How excited he used to be to see Sirius every Friday, their secret flirting, the undeniable sexual tension. 

And now Sirius Black is his boyfriend. God it feels good to say. 

Lily makes them coffee and they all sit in the living room, watching Harry play happily with his toys that he’s finally been reunited with. 

(Moony):

Forgot to tell you that we’ve landed!

As he sends the message, a phone pings. He doesn’t think much of it, coincidence at best. 

(Moony):

Officially back in London

Another ping. Okay weird, but it happens, right?

(Moony):

Not sure if I’m happy about that or not

He looks up at the third ping, his eyebrows knitting together. It’s coming from Sirius’ phone on the sofa, one that he left when he went off to the toilet and James and Lily had gone off to give Harry lunch. The screen is lit up and Remus can’t help but look. 

His heart plummets. 

He grabs the phone, Sirius’ work phone. His head pounding from the hangover, bile rising in his throat. 

The texts he’d just sent Padfoot are there, on Sirius’ work phone, the phone that he always texts on and tells everybody is his mother. The one he hides from Remus and locks away in his draw when he’s not using it. 

And God Remus feels like a fucking idiot. 

That time Sirius had slipped up and almost called him Moony.

That time that Padfoot had known things Remus had never told him.

Padfoot and Sirius never being available at the same time. 

How Padfoot ignored him when he and Sirius had fallen out. 

The feeling that Sirius was hiding something.

James and Lily’s whispers in the hallway. 

Oh it was so obvious. 

The whole time it was so fucking obvious. Remus was an idiot, a fool. He was being lied to, for months. He was speaking to Padfoot about Sirius, thinking that he had a friend, confiding in him, asking for advice.

He cringes just thinking about the time that Padfoot had told him to come out from the bathroom in his towel. All of those times he was telling Remus to just make a move, to kiss Sirius. 

It had been Sirius the whole time. 

His heart fucking breaks. His blood boils. 

“Remus?” 

He looks up and Sirius is looking at him, guilt written across his face. He knows that Remus knows and fuck Remus feels like he’s going to be sick. 

“Remus” Sirius says again, panic in his voice rising “Remus let me explain.”

Remus stands up from the sofa, leaving Sirius’ phone in his wake. “How long have you known it was me?”

That's all he wants to know. For how long has Sirius been actively lying to him, betraying him, manipulating him? When did he figure it out?

There's a sharp intake of breath and then an admittal. 

“Straight away.”

“Fuck you” Remus growls, pushing past Sirius to get to the door. 

“Remus please” Sirius begs, following him to the front door. “You don’t understand, let me explain.”

“You lied to me!” Remus shouts, tears welling in his eyes “You’ve been lying to me since the day you met me.”

Lily and James emerge from the kitchen, worry etched onto their faces. They close the door behind them, likely to stop Harry from hearing anything.

“Whats going on?” Lily asks. 

“You all knew!” Remus cries and a knowing look passes over James and Lily’s faces. “You’ve all been lying to me.”

“Remus please” Sirius pleads, reaching out to try and grab his arm. 

Remus yanks it away “Don’t fucking touch me.”

He feels so much pain. It’s indescribable, like his whole life is falling apart right before his eyes. 

Everybody has lied to him. Sirius, James, Lily, Padfoot, God knows who else. Everybody that matters to him has betrayed him and he feels so lost, so alone. 

Tears are streaming down his face as he shoves his shoes onto his feet. His bags are in Sirius’ car but he doesn’t care about them. He just cares about getting out, getting away. 

“I love you” Sirius attempts.

Remus shakes his head “No you don’t. You don’t lie to people that you love.”

“Maybe we should just talk–” James starts, desperately trying to play the middle man and keep the peace. But Remus is angry at him too, blood curdling angry.

“I don’t want to speak to any of you” Remus spits, hand finding the door handle whilst the other wipes the tears from his face messily. 

“I tried to get him to tell you” Lily tries to explain, but Remus doesn’t want to hear it. 

“You didn’t try hard enough” He says as he pulls the door open. 

He’s out of the door before anybody can try to stop him, practically running down the gravel driveway towards the road. 

He can hear shouts of his name, the sound of Sirius’ tears. But he doesn’t stop, he carries on until he’s around the corner and he can finally stop. 

He leans up against the wall, chest heaving, hands shaking. 

“Fuck” he murmurs, rubbing his eyes. 

Remus takes a shuddering breath, trying to steady himself, but the ache in his chest feels endless, sharp and hollow. 

His head throbs, the hangover blurring everything, but the pain from this truth cuts through it with razor clarity. He wants to scream, to break something, to erase every memory of the past few months, every confession, every shared laugh. But more than that, he wants to understand why.

His phone pings in his pocket, spams of messages from Padfoot. He doesn’t read them, fingers shaking he blocks the number, and then he blocks Sirius’ personal number. 

He stands there, on a quiet London street on a late Sunday afternoon, clutching onto his phone for dear life and he feels completely alone again.

Perhaps it’s better off this way. 

Chapter Text

Remus does the thing that he’s best at. 

He runs. 

As soon as he’s home, he grabs a bag and packs it hurriedly, barely checking to see if he has everything. Half his things are still in Sirius’s car, but he doesn’t care. He just needs to get out—away from all of it. He knows Sirius will come looking, showing up at his door within the hour, desperate for an explanation, for forgiveness. But Remus can’t bear the thought of seeing him, not now, not after everything.

He’s exhausted. Absolutely shattered, but he doesn’t let himself rest. He can’t let himself rest.

He can’t stop thinking. Thinking about how stupid he was, to think that everything would work out between him and Sirius, to think that he had a friend in Padfoot. Thinking about all of the slip ups he’d missed, all the obvious signs. 

Sirius has completely betrayed him. He’d built their relationship on lies from the very beginning. 

The worst part is, he has nowhere to turn. James and Lily knew, all along, and they’d chosen Sirius over him. They’d played along, held onto the lie for Sirius’s sake. It’s clear now where their loyalties lie, and the thought stings in a way that’s almost physical.

So Remus knows what he has to do: he has to go home. Really home. To the countryside where he can breathe in the Welsh air and ground himself in something steady and familiar. He needs his mum, needs the quiet, needs anything to fill the gaping emptiness he feels.

His phone is relentless, vibrating with calls and messages, so he finally just shuts it off entirely and leaves it behind. He doesn’t want it—not when everyone he once trusted feels lost to him. He’s out of the flat in under fifteen minutes and on a train bound for Wales before anyone even knows he’s gone, before he can second-guess his decision.

Sleeping on the train feels impossible, his thoughts so self-deprecating that all he can do is look out of the window and stare blankly at the fields they pass. 

He blames himself more than he blames anybody else. He blames himself for trusting, for thinking that he’d ever deserve somebody like Sirius, for thinking that maybe, for once, he wasn’t that lonely child he had always been. 

It makes his skin burn as he remembers everything he had said to Padfoot, about Sirius. He had just been saying it all to Sirius the whole time.

Yet, despite everything Padfoot had said to him, all of the moves he urged him to make, the assurance that ‘his footballer’ definitely liked him. Sirius had still run when Remus had kissed him. 

He tries, he really does, he tries to think about why Sirius would do this to him—what genuine reasoning would he have to lie to Remus. But he can’t think of anything, not one single reason that might excuse what he did. 

If Sirius had told him earlier on, Remus might’ve been embarrassed but he’d have laughed about it and it might’ve been a funny joke that they laughed about in the future. 

But Sirius knew straight away, and he still decided not to tell Remus. 

These thoughts drown him until he’s in front of his childhood home. Somewhere that he hasn’t been in almost two years. It was almost unconscious, choosing to come here, to come back to the place that he had originally run from. 

Now that he’s stood here, urging himself to knock on the old wooden door of the cottage that holds so many memories. He panics. Because why is he here? He shouldn’t be here. He ran from here before, he left and he didn’t want to look back.

Fuck this was a mistake.

He needs to go, get a hotel or something and sleep it off. It’s late, he can go back to London in the morning.

“Remus?” 

But then he hears his mum's voice and he crumbles, his whole body deflating because it all hits him, crashes against him. He turns and sees her, standing in the garden path with two bags of shopping. Her smile drops the moment she takes in his face, replaced by a look of deep concern. The sight of her, warm and steady, undoes him. He lets out a shaky breath, his chest heaving as everything he’s tried to hold in rushes to the surface. 

“Mum.” He chokes out, his voice breaking.

Hope drops her bags and pulls him close, wrapping him in the embrace he didn’t know he needed. She strokes his hair and whispers soothing words in Welsh, grounding him in the way only she can. For the first time, he allows himself to break, leaning into her and letting himself be held.

“Oh, Cariad,” she murmurs, holding him tighter. “It’s all right. I’m here.”

He’s not sure how they get inside, but he soon finds himself sitting on their old battered sofa whilst Hope fusses over him, she makes tea and toast and all he can do is sit there blankly and watch her. 

“When did you last sleep?” Hope asks, brushing his hair from his forehead. 

“I slept a bit on the plane this morning,” he replies quietly, staring down at the tea in his hands. “There was a party last night.”

Hope nods, listening to him. “I watched the game.”

Remus lets out another sob, thinking about the game and how happy things had been barely twenty four hours ago. His heart aches.

“Was it him? Sirius?” she asks gently, resting a hand on his shoulder. “Did he do this to you?”

All he can do is nod, feeling the pain flare again as he whispers, “I love him.”

“Does he not love you back?” Hope asks. 

He closes his eyes against the burn of fresh tears, struggling to hold himself together. “He loves me,” he says, his voice breaking. “He was my boyfriend.”

“ Was?” 

“Not anymore,” he murmurs, rubbing a hand roughly over his eyes, trying to stifle the tears that just keep coming. He feels hollowed out, exhausted beyond words.

Hope doesn’t push, doesn’t ask for more than he can give. She simply places a hand on his shoulder and says quietly, “You need to rest, Remus.”

Remus nods in agreement, his eyes feeling too tired to keep open. “Is my room still…?”

She nods and assures him. “The same way that you left it.” 

There’s something reassuring in that, the thought of returning to the one place untouched by everything that’s unravelled around him. The familiar creak of the stairs under his feet, the faint smell of his childhood home—it all feels like a balm to his raw, frayed edges.

He finally lets himself sleep. 

He’s not sure how much later it is when Hope wakes him up. It’s not light outside and he wonders if he even slept at all. 

“Sorry to wake you Rem” Hope says quietly “But you’ve slept for almost a day and you need to eat.”

A whole day? God he doesn’t even feel like he slept ten minutes. 

“How are you feeling?” She asks, her tone ever so gentle. 

He just stares up at the ceiling and says “Awful.”

She squeezes his hand over the duvet, her touch warm and reassuring. “Come on,” she says softly, coaxing him. “I’ve made lasagna, your favourite.”

He sits up slowly, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m not ready to talk about it yet,” he admits, his voice barely more than a whisper.

“Then we’ll just pop the telly on.” His mum smiles “Whenever you’re ready, I’m ready to listen.”

They eat in silence, watching the chase on the TV. Usually Remus would sit with her and they’d compete to get the most answers right. But tonight he doesn’t have the words. He can barely bring himself to eat the food that she’s made, a horrible sick feeling in his stomach.

And then there's a stupid question about football and his mind flashes to Sirius. He cries again, tears falling silently down his cheeks. 

He pushes the lasagna away, unable to eat more than a few mouthfuls. 

“I’ll put this in the fridge for later,” Hope tells him.

He doubts he’ll eat it later, but he nods anyway. 

She returns from the kitchen a minute later with a bar of his favourite chocolate. “Eat this” She tells him “You’ll feel better.”

He eats it, but he doesn’t feel much better. 

It takes him a day and a half more to finally feel ready to explain, to tell his mum what had happened and why’d he’d shown up in the mess he did.

The two of them are on a walk, over the fields near his house which are quiet and desolate. The fresh air makes him feel lighter, it clears his head a little, enough for him to regulate his emotions enough to tell the story from start to finish.

He tells her about meeting Sirius and texting Padfoot. His initial feelings for Padfoot and how Padfoot had said they couldn’t be together. Thinking that Sirius was straight. Sharing a bedroom. Their first kiss. Meeting his family. Walburga. Seeing the texts on Sirius’ phone. Sirius pleading for him as he ran from them all. Lily and James knowing. The betrayal of it all. Feeling humiliated. 

She listens to it all, not once interrupting him, letting it spew out like word vomit. 

Afterwards, after he’s let it all out, every thought and emotion that he’s pent up, he turns to her and says “I can’t go back.”

She smiles at him sadly. “But you still love him.”

“That’s why I can’t go back” 

She frowns and Remus thinks that maybe she isn’t going to say anything at all, but instead, she shakes her head and says “I’m not going to let you do this to yourself Remus.”

“When you left here last year, you were a ghost of yourself. Fenrir , he’d gutted you from the inside out. You weren’t you . But you went to London and you built a life for yourself and you were finally you again. Every time you call me, it’s radiating off of you, the happiness of being where you belong and with people that love you. And I wish that it could be like that for you here, but it isn’t and that’s okay.” Her voice softens. “I know you came here to heal, but I won’t let you stay if it’s only to bury yourself again.”

“I’m not ready yet,” he mumbles, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. 

Perhaps he’s not ready for realness yet. Maybe he wants her to hate Sirius, hate him for what he did to her son. Tell him to never go back there, never go back to him. 

He doesn’t want to hear the truth yet. 

That evening, restless and unwilling to face more hard truths, he finds himself at the local pub. Hope had tried to stop him, suggesting he stay with her or, at least, let her come along. But he wanted to be alone, to sit at a bar and feel sorry for himself looking down into an empty glass. 

So that's what he does. 

“You alright lad?” The barman asks eventually, as he’s sliding Remus his fifth drink of the night.

“Fine” Remus mumbles. 

“I recognise you” he says “Hopes boy? The one that was in the papers recently?”

“Yep” Remus says shortly.

The barman grunts at Remus’ lack of conversation and wanders off to the other side of the bar to likely bother someone else.

Remus lets out a shaky breath, his head falling into his hands. 

God what's wrong with him. 

His brain feels foggy as he downs his fifth drink. Whisky on the rocks, fucking vile drink but the only one that gives him a quick drunken buzz. It burns his throat and settles like lead in his stomach. 

He just wants to feel the void. The gaping hole that loving Sirius had left him with. 

So he gets drunk on his own, turning away anybody who tries to speak to him, staring down into his glass like it’ll give him the solution he so desperately needs. 

“I can’t bloody believe it” 

His head snaps up.

“Fenrir.” Remus says in greeting, hardly offering a smile. 

His ex-boyfriend takes the stool beside him. “Gary told me he saw you here but I told him nah it can’t be my Remus, he left and said he’d never come back. But here you are!”

It was mocking, disguised behind a smug smile. 

My Remus . It made his skin crawl and his mouth go dry. 

“What do you want?” Remus asks bluntly, his voice coming out less confident than he wanted.

“I wanted to see you” Fenrir practically purrs. “I’ve missed you.”

Remus laughs, a short bitter sound. “You’ve missed me? You’re the one that cheated.”

“And I’m sorry for it” Fen says “I regretted it as soon as you left.”

Remus rolls his eyes, not believing a word. “What do you want from me? Is your boyfriend not waiting at home for you?”

“What Lenon doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Fenrir says and it makes Remus’ blood boil. Is this how he used to speak about Remus? All of those nights that Remus spent alone, was Fenrir telling people that exact same thing?

Fenrir leans in closer, his tone shifting. “But I hear you’ve got a new man yourself. Quite the public affair, wasn’t it?”

The drinks are catching up to him now, his thoughts blurring and his words a little more slurred. “I don’t have a new man.”

Fenrir raises a brow. “I don’t believe that for a second. We all saw the papers. I saw the way that you looked at that footballer. A whole month in Italy with him? Don’t lie to me now Rem.”

“‘M not lying,” Remus insists. “I don’t have anyone new.”

The bartender comes over again to ask for orders. Fenrir orders them two drinks, Remus doesn’t complain. He takes the drinks and downs it in seconds. 

He’s so tired of feeling. He wants to feel nothing. 

“Come back home with me.” Fenrir doesn’t ask, it’s more of a demand. “I can make you feel good.”

He rubs his temple and says “I don’t want to feel good.”

And his ex boyfriend smirks at that. His hand finds Remus’ thigh under the table and for a moment, just a moment, Remus welcomes the touch, thankful for it. He considers it, he really does. Falling into the old trap, letting Fenrir take him home and make him feel bad, make him forget. 

But he can’t. No matter how many drinks deep he is, he can’t forget about Sirius and he definitely can’t forget about what Fen did to him. 

He pushes Fen's hand away. “No.”

“Oh come on Rem” Fen says in a low seductive tone “You know you want it.”

He shakes his head, moving to get up out of his seat. “I don’t.”

“You think you’re better than me now, is that it?” Fen snaps also standing up. “You’re friends with footballers and you think that you’re better?”

Remus looks at him now, his face set, voice firm. “No. I don’t think I’m better than you, but for once, I’ve got some self-respect.”

With that, he turns on his heel and strides out of the pub, leaving Fenrir’s mocking gaze behind him. Outside, the muggy summer night closes in, thick and suffocating, pressing against his already dizzy head. The fresh air he'd hoped for feels stale, and the heaviness in his stomach twists into something sickly.

God what is he doing? 

He’d have done it, if Fenrir had just stopped talking and leaned in and kissed him he would’ve done it. He’d have done anything to get the thought of Sirius out of his head, even if that meant throwing away the last of his dignity. 

No. He can’t carry on like this. 

Being here won’t help, it’ll continue to remind him of the reason he left — resurging those horrible moments that he’d locked away. His dad dying, his relationship with Fenrir, the friends that had dropped him as soon as things had gotten difficult. 

He left for a reason, to find a home somewhere else. And he did. He genuinely found a home for himself in London. 

It’s not like this small village in Wales that used to be home. He isn’t trapped and he isn’t surrounded by everything all of the time. London is big and he can escape even though right now things might feel a bit inescapable. 

He knows that he needs to go back, if he truly wants to heal.

So the next afternoon, he has lunch with Hope and then she drives him to the station where he catches the train back to London. He doesn’t want to say goodbye to her, he wants to bring her to London with him. But she promises to visit and she promises that he’ll be okay. He chooses to believe her in that moment, feeling more optimistic than he has in days.

When he gets home, late that evening, the flat is exactly like he left it. He stands in the doorway for a moment, taking a steadying breath, ignoring the aching feeling of loneliness in his chest. 

A month straight with his friends, with Sirius, with his mum. And now he’s alone, actually alone. And it feels horrible. 

It’s too quiet so he puts on some music and blasts it loud enough that it will probably piss off the neighbours. But fuck it, he’s an outstanding neighbour 90% of the time and he’s never complained about their late parties or loud shagging. 

He finds his phone on the bed, where he’d thrown it days ago. He puts it on charge, the battery having died in his absence. 

He makes a strong tea and he tries to read a book. He tidies and he cooks dinner — pesto pasta because he hasn’t done a food shop and he genuinely cannot be arsed. All the while doing his best not to think about his phone which is just lying there, ever so tempting.

But eventually, he finds himself sat in bed, under duvets and blankets, reading through each and every message. None from Sirius, because he’d blocked him on everything. Perhaps hundreds from James and a fair few from Lily. One or two from Dorcas and three from Marlene.

What sticks out to him is one from an unknown number. 

(Unknown):

It’s Regulus 

Sirius told me what he did and I wanted to see if you were ok

If you want to talk or not talk, I’m around

It had been sent yesterday morning. Remus deliberates on it for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip until he tastes blood. 

(Remus):

I can meet for coffee tomorrow

(Regulus):

Brilliant 

Puddifoot’s at 11?

(Remus):

Okay

Please don’t tell anyone

(Regulus):

I won’t 

So the next morning, he drags himself to Madame Puddifoots, a cafe only ten minutes from him that he used to frequent quite regularly when he first moved. It’s quiet and everybody minds their own business. Exactly how he likes it. 

Regulus is already there when he walks in, two coffees in front of him at a small table in the corner. 

When he sees Remus, he gives a small smile and Remus doesn’t feel so nervous anymore. 

“Hi” Remus says as he sits down “You didn’t need to buy me one.”

“Hi,” Regulus replies, giving a small shrug. “Figured you’d need it.” He pauses, glancing at Remus with something like hesitation. “How’ve you been?”

Remus stares into his mug, the steam rising to meet him. “Er, not great, if I’m honest. I went back to Wales for a bit—got back last night.”

“Lily thought maybe you’d gone home for a bit” Regulus tells him. “Did it…help?”

He shakes his head “it was nice to see mum, but I don’t think going back there helped much, just reminded me of why I left in the first place.”

Regulus nods thoughtfully, absently tracing his finger around the rim of his mug. “Everyone is worried about you.”

Remus doesn’t know what to say, so he just hums. 

“I was surprised that you answered me to be honest. We hardly know each other." Regulus carries on, filling the silence even though it clearly makes him uncomfortable to do so.

He just shrugs. “Maybe that's why.”

It’s not why. He doesn’t know why. To turn to his ex-boyfriend's brother for comfort, it’s odd, completely unconventional. But for some reason, despite hardly knowing him, Regulus is the only person he can stomach speaking to at the moment. 

In the few days they’d gotten to know each other, he felt like he and Regulus had gotten along well, like Sirius had said they would. They have similar interests, they’re both quiet and observant. He’s incredibly honest and he doesn’t put up with bullshit excuses. 

“He’s really sorry” Regulus tries. 

“I don’t want to talk about him.” Remus says, no room for argument. He doesn’t say it harshly, but it comes out sharp and desperate.

“Okay” Regulus says. He looks down at his own mug for a moment and then says “Are you going to at least tell Lily that you’re okay? She thinks you’re dead and she won’t stop worrying until she knows you’re safe.”

Remus sucks in a breath. “You can tell her. I don’t really want to speak to any of them.”

“Okay” Regulus says again. Another pause. “If it’s any consolation, I’d have told you.”

And Remus knows that he isn’t lying. He nods and offers a small smile. “Thanks.”

They sit in silence for a while, both sipping at their drinks and watching the people around them. He wonders how Regulus knows his coffee order, but he doesn’t ask. 

Instead, Remus asks “how long have you been in love with James?”

Regulus’ eyes snap towards him, but he doesn’t seem panicked, if anything, he looks somewhat impressed. “Nobody else has noticed in the last ten years, but you noticed in two days.”

“Everybody else is oblivious .” Remus remarks, a small smirk playing at his lips. 

“I used to hate him” Regulus explains “Sirius would always talk about him like the sun shone out of his arse and I hated it because I thought that he was stealing my brother from me. But then I managed to sneak away from school to go to one of their games and I met him properly and he was the most compassionate, considerate person I’d ever met.”

“You’ve loved him since then?” 

Regulus nods “I moved on a long time ago though, just before he announced that he was with Lily. It was hard, at first, but then I moved away from home and I didn’t have to hide who I was anymore, so I started dating and meeting new people… my parents mostly left me alone because they were so focused on Sirius. I feel a bit guilty about that really. They always gave him a tougher time and just forgot about me.”

“He wouldn’t have wanted it any other way” Remus says in a quiet voice. 

“Yeah. I know” Regulus smiles sadly. 

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive him.” Remus admits. 

“I understand,” Regulus says. 

He rubs his eyes harshly “I’m really angry with him.”

“I know.” 

“He’s such a fucking idiot.” 

“He is.” 

“I’m such an idiot”

“No you’re not.”

And thank God they’re in the corner, hidden away, because Remus just sobs. Regulus doesn’t say anything, he just waits patiently for Remus to be ready to speak again. 

“I’m sorry” Remus apologises, wiping his eyes. “I’m so pathetic.”

“I’d be much worse,” Regulus assures him. “Trust me.”

“Trusting people hasn’t been going very well for me recently” Remus laughs despite himself.

“I suppose not,” Regulus says with a raised brow and a smirk. He takes one last sip of his coffee and then says “I’ve been wanting to go to this new bookshop around the corner, do you want to come with me?”

“Yeah. Okay” Remus says, truly thankful for Regulus Black.

They walk absentmindedly around the bookshop for a while, occasionally making comments or recommending a book. They’re there for what feels like hours, silently enjoying each other's company. 

And it works, just for a few hours, he finally lets himself enjoy something. He hardly thinks about Sirius or Lily or James and Regulus doesn’t bother to mention them again.

When he gets home he makes pesto pasta again because he still can’t be bothered to go to the shops. He has a glass of red wine and he listens to some music and although his heart still aches, he maybe doesn’t feel as intensely as he had the night before. 

It's when he sits down and goes to take his first bite of pasta that the intercom buzzes. 

“Remus” A voice croaks through “Remus please speak to me.”

And then his day goes to shit again. 

He tries to ignore it. He places his bowl down on the table in front of him and he sits there and he tries to pretend that he didn’t hear it.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.  

He isn’t ready yet. He’s not ready to see him. 

It buzzes again. “Please Rem” Sirius’ desperate voice sounds again. “I know you’re in there, Reg told us that you’re back.”

It’s like he’s frozen, unable to move even if he wanted to. Just listening to the man he loves begging for his forgiveness. But he can’t do it. He can’t bring himself to get up and answer the door. He doesn’t want to forgive him yet. 

Silent tears escape down his cheeks and he holds a hand over his mouth.

“I’m so sorry Remus” Sirius carries on “I love you–I never meant to hurt you.”

And part of him was going to get up. He was going to. He was going to get up and answer that door and maybe he might’ve let Sirius explain himself.

But then Sirius says “Please Moony.”

And then he feels rage. 

He feels angry hearing Sirius call him that name, reminding him of it all. Using it so casually, like it means nothing, like it's just a regular nickname, like he didn’t lie to him for months. 

He doesn’t know what he’s doing until he’s at the intercom. 

“Go away” he says firmly.

“Remus pl–” Sirius starts, but Remus doesn’t let him finish. 

“Go away Sirius” he repeats. “I’m not going to forgive you so stop trying. Save us both the headache.”

“I won’t stop,” Sirius insists “I love you too much to stop.”

“Well I don’t love you!” He lies harshly, like venom dripping from his tongue. 

He isn’t even sure why he says it. Of course it’s a lie, they both know that. But in that moment it seems like the only thing he can say is to get Sirius to leave him alone, to make him forget about Remus and move on. 

Because Remus is a realist. He knew that they wouldn’t work, he told himself that for so long, and look where they are — it didn’t work and now they’re both heartbroken. 

Sirius deserves somebody worth fighting for and he was never that person. 

It’s time Sirius realised that.

“You don’t–you don’t mean that” Sirius says quietly. But then in a bolder, more assured voice, he adds, “come down here and say it to my face, or I won’t believe you.”

“I can’t trust you” Remus says “How am I supposed to love somebody I can’t trust? Our whole relationship was built on lies Sirius, it wasn’t real.”

“Moony–”

“Stop calling me that!” Remus snaps, far louder than intended, he can almost imagine Sirius flinching at his words. “You don’t get to call me that.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry I–” 

“Sirius. Please go” He feels defeated now and his voice reflects that. He’s tired. His voice cracks when he says a final “please.”

“I’ll go — But I’m not giving up on us," Sirius says with determination and Remus just wants to cry and scream at the same time. Why won’t he get the fucking message?  

“There's nothing you can do to ever make this up to me, you understand that right?” Remus says. 

“I’ll find a way” Sirius insists “I’ll give you space but I will make this up to you. I promise you Remus.”

And he leaves. 

Remus’ pasta is cold when he returns to his place on the sofa, so he just opts for finishing off the bottle of red instead. 

He sees Regulus a few more times after that in the weeks that follow. They usually meet for coffee, but once or twice he has come over for dinner and wine in which they talk shit about politics and bad literature. 

Sometimes they don’t talk about Sirius at all, and other times Remus cries over him and rants about him until he’s too emotionally exhausted to carry on. Regulus listens to him every time and he never tries to offer solutions–only support. 

Sirius stays true to his word and he gives Remus space, but that doesn’t mean that he stops trying. Remus has flowers sent to his house and book deliveries. A week before he’s supposed to start up the academic year again, he has a whole set of new stationeries delivered. 

He doesn’t touch any of it. 

Okay. He read one of the books and he may have taken a few of the pens because they were those fancy expensive ones that write so well. But other than that, they sat in the corner of the room and haunted him daily. 

It only takes him three days to cave to Lily and James. 

Lily turned up at his flat in a hot pregnant flush and she wouldn’t leave until he forgave them and promised to go for dinner that night. To really seal the deal  she used Harry against him and showed him a video she’d taken of James actually crying. 

How was he supposed to say no to that?

He was still angry with them, and definitely still upset. But once they’d explained their side of things and how much they had tried to get Sirius to tell him, he couldn’t hold it against them for much longer.

“He told me he would tell you when we got home” Lily tells him. “I only found out on Harry's birthday because I overheard him call you Moony and then it all just pieced together for me.”

James flushes and tells him “I knew from the beginning, and I am so sorry Remus. I should’ve done more to get him to tell you but he was scared you’d hate him and it all just escalated and if I’m honest I completely forgot about it for a while and then you both got together and it was so happy and we were all so happy and I panicked.”

He says it all without taking a breath. 

“It’s not your fault” Remus says with a sad smile “I was just angry and embarrassed and I was upset that everyone seemed to know but me. You’re not responsible for his actions.”

“He is really sorry–” James tries, just like Regulus had.

Remus just shakes his head and says “I don’t want to hear it.”

They both accept that and they move on. 

“Weemus I miss you” Harry declares loudly when he wakes up from his nap and sees his uncle in the kitchen. He runs to hug Remus and Remus smiles genuinely for the first time in what feels like months. 

“I missed you too Haz” He grins, lifting Harry up into his lap. 

“Petes tonight?” James suggests, eyebrow raised. 

And everything just feels a little bit normal again. 

Except for that Sirius Black sized hole in his life.

Chapter Text

By the time that it came around to start at school again, Remus was happy about it. He had spent all summer wishing for it to be longer, to spend more time with Sirius. And by the end of it he was going stir crazy wishing for a distraction from him. 

But he should’ve known that he’d never be able to fully escape it.

He was in the news after all, and the secondary school gossip mill is relentless. 

The second he walks into the staff room that morning to make his coffee far stronger than anybody should ever be drinking coffee, the other teachers pounce on him. 

“You didn’t tell us that you were going to the Euros with Lily and James!” was how it started. Mrs Sprout says it with a smile so Remus forces his own smile, not wanting to be rude.

“Yeah. It was a last minute thing” he tells her. 

A few of the other teachers who had been minding their business look up at this point, inserting themselves into the conversation. Remus internally begs for the kettle to boil faster

“I saw that article about you online” Mrs Hooch, the PE teacher says “it was rather invasive.”

He nods “very.”

Madame Pomphrey, the school nurse and possibly Remus’ favourite beside Lily, Benji or Minerva, smiles warmly and says “I thought you came across lovely in it dear. You looked handsome in the photos too.”

“You flatter me Poppy,” he smiles. 

Severus looks up from the newspaper in his hands and remarks “I’m surprised the school board let that pass so easily.” 

The kettle pings and Remus lets out a breath. Thank fuck. He busies himself making the coffee whilst Hagrid comes to his defence. 

“It’s not like he was doin’ anythin’ incriminatin’” 

“No. But the board is usually quite unforgiving” Severus says. “I’m glad that it worked out.”

“Indeed” Poppy chimes in. “Did you have a good time at least Remus?”

Remus nods, forcing a smile “yeah. It was brilliant.” He stirs his coffee quickly, very little care about making any mess. “I best be off. Lots of printing to do. Have a good first day everyone!”

He doesn’t wait around for their responses, dashing out of the room and almost right into Benji.

“Woah there” He grins, hands out in front of him. “Is it that bad in there already?”

“Shit sorry” Remus huffs. “Just too many questions about my summer.”

“God forbid Remus Lupin has to answer a personal question” Benji says with a laugh, but when he notices that Remus’ smile maybe wasn’t so amused, he asks “did it not go great with you know who?”

Remus just shakes his head, a solid no. “It was a lot.”

“Do you want to talk about it over a coffee after work?” Benji offers. It’s a half arsed offer and he clearly isn’t expecting Remus to actually say yes.

“Make it a pint and I’ll be there.” Remus says. 

Benji's eyes widen. “Yeah. Cool. Okay. I—just in a friendly way, yeah?”

Remus smiles. “Yes. Just a friendly way.”

“Okay. Good—oh! Not good, I didn't mean it like that–just that, well, oh God” Benji rambles on.

Remus stops him “It’s okay. I know what you meant.”

“It’s just that I met someone recently actually” Benji explains, a shy expression.

He smiles. “That's good. That's really good.” He looks down at his watch “Tell me more about it later, yeah?”

Benji nods “I’ll swing by your classroom after the bell.”

When Remus finally sits down at his desk, he gives himself a moment to prepare. 

Lily had tried to warn him at dinner a few days before. 

“When they found out about me and James I didn’t hear the bloody end of it for a week or so but then they just forgot about it and moved onto something more important.” She had said, a reassuring arm on his forearm. 

He had sighed and added “But you and James hadn’t just broken up.”

She smiled sadly and said “It’ll pass. I promise. And I’ll be there for you every step of the way, alright?”

And God, Remus really hopes that she was right. He still can’t hear his name without feeling as if somebody has taken a hold of his heart and squeezed it hard. 

There's a light knock at his door and when Remus looks up he sees the face of Matilda through the window. He signals for her to come in and she does.

Closely followed by Amy, their hands interlinked. 

“Hi Sir” Amy grins, her cheeks blushed slightly. 

And despite how Remus feels at this moment, he can’t help the grin that forms on his face. 

“We wanted to come in early to tell you that we figured it all out” Matilda explains, raising their joined hands to show it off. “I don’t think we’d have done it if it wasn’t for your help last year.”

“I’m really happy for you both," Remus tells them. “But I know for a fact that you’d have figured it out with or without my help.”

“Maybe” Amy says “but you definitely sped up the process.”

“I’m glad to have been of service” he tells them “but you will still be sitting on opposite sides of the classroom.”

Amy groans and Matilda huffs, a slight stomp of her foot.

“Sorry but you distract each other far too much, in a relationship or not.”

“Fine.” Amy mumbles, “same seats as last year then?”

He nods and he’s happy to see that they both smile at each other and make their way over to their seats, little to no complaints.

The rest of the class filters in a few minutes later, and it probably goes, maybe two seconds without somebody asking. 

“Oi Sir! I saw that thing about you and Sirius Black!” One of the boys shouts. 

He puts up with it at first, but it gets to about ten minutes into the lesson and they keep asking and they won’t settle, so he raises his voice slightly and says;

“The next person to mention the name Sirius Black gets an after school with Mr Snape.”

No one mentions his name again.

Well, not until the next period, when he threatens the same thing. And then the period after that, and the one after that.

Lily comes in at lunch, cradling two mugs with a teasing grin on her face. “You can’t threaten the students with detentions every time they ask about him. Severus is quite offended, you know.”

“Sorry but it was doing my fucking head in” he complains. “And since when do you talk to Severus?”

“Since he came into my classroom this morning to apologise for his behaviour over the past few years.” Lily tells him.

Remus gawks at her. “Did he really?”

“Yep. I thought I was dreaming at first.”

“Wow” Remus says, still in shock “I would’ve bet to see pigs fly before he ever apologised to anybody.”

She laughs and shrugs her bag off of her shoulder. She gets two containers out of it and slides one over to him with a grin. “James made us both lunch. He thought you’d need it, and he also knew you’d forget to make your own.”

“He knows me too well," Remus agrees.

The last period is much of the same, but word seems to have spread that Mr Lupin does not want to talk about Sirius Black, and it dies down slightly. He can hear the whispers and there's still one boy who wants to ask him about it. But he finishes the day in a much brighter mood than it had begun in. 

Clearly his tactic of threats had worked. 

Once his last class has left, Benji comes by his classroom and the two of them head off to a pub just around the corner. It’s not busy because it’s not even four pm, just a few of those old men that sit at the bar day in and day out. The two of them head to a table in the corner, away from a window and the prying eyes of potential passing students.

Remus buys the first round and takes it over to their table. Once he’s sat down, Benji says “you don’t need to tell me anything about what happened with him, but if you’d like to I’m all ears.”

“It’s a lot," Remus warns him.

His friend just shrugs "I've got all evening.”

So Remus tells him, from start to finish, and Benji listens, hardly interrupting, only when their drinks are finished with the offer to get the next round. It’s nice to talk about it so somebody uninvolved, someone that he still trusts and feels unjudged with.

“...wow” Benji says once Remus is done. “And you haven’t spoken to him since?”

“I asked him to give me space and he has” Remus says.

“That's er…good?” Benji says as more of an ask. Remus doesn’t know what to say to that so he just shrugs. “But you still love him?”

Remus pauses, looking down at his almost finished second pint. “I probably always will.”

Benji gives him a small smile. “Well. What a fucking knob.”

He laughs lightly. “Yeah. Enough about me though, tell me about the person that you met.”

“Oh Rem, he’s brilliant.”

So Benji spends the next half an hour telling him all about the man he’d met recently. They’re not official, only recently dating after meeting at a market in London a week or so ago. They’ve been out for dinner twice and Benji insists that they’re perfect for each other and Remus doesn’t doubt it.

They order some chips to the table and continue to catch up on their summers. Remus tells Benji about his trip back to Wales and how he’d bumped into Fenrir, continuing to explain about their past relationship. 

They’re maybe six or so pints down when Remus huffs and says “one more pint and I'll be hung over tomorrow.”

Benji laughs. “Can’t have that on the second day. Should we head off?”

“I coerced you into a drink and now you can’t even drive home.”

“Filtch locked the school gates hours ago, regardless of how much I drank. I’ll just get the bus with you.”

“But my flats out of your way?” Remus questions.

“By about a ten minute walk. Besides, I haven't finished telling you about my night out in Heaven.” 

So they continue talking up until they reach Remus’ building. They hug and Benji lets Remus know that he’s there for him whenever he needs. Benji heads home and Remus makes his way up to his flat.

Ten minutes later he gets a phone call. 

“Hi Reg–” 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Regulus says, his voice angry.

“Yeah, my first day back at work was brilliant. Thanks for asking. How was your day?” Remus responds sarcastically. 

“My day was brilliant until my brother showed up at my house in tears.” Regulus snaps.

“What? Wh–”

“You’re dating again already?” He asks, his tone accusing. 

“No. You know I’m not. Why would you think that?” Remus splutters. God he wishes he hadn’t had those six or seven, or maybe eight pints before he had this conversation. 

“He saw you with some man,” Regulus tells him. “Outside of your flat.”

Remus scoffs. “I was with a friend from work . We went for a pint after work to catch up. That's all.”

Regulus doesn’t say anything at first, but then Remus can hear the distant sound of Sirius’ voice. Then Regulus asks, “the same one you shagged a few months ago?”

“Yes. But that doesn’t matter. We’re just friends now” Remus tells him. “You know that I’m not over Sirius yet. I–I still love him too much to even consider moving on.”

There's a slight intake of breath that doesn’t come from Regulus. Remus pauses.

“Take me off of loud speaker.” Remus demands. 

“Sorry” Regulus mumbles in apology. “He just—he was a mess.”

“That wasn’t fair” Remus snaps.. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” Regulus apologises again. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s fine," he says, his voice short. “I’ll speak to you later.”

And then he hangs up. 

He sits down on the sofa and he lets out a sigh. Sirius was at his flat. Sirius saw him with Benji. Sirius got upset and went to Regulus. Why was Sirius outside of his flat? And why does he not feel completely opposed to the idea of seeing Sirius again. 

He decides that it’s likely the alcohol talking and he takes himself to bed.

The next incident occurs a few days later, a Wednesday afternoon.

The final bell had just rung and Remus had barely excused his class when he noticed the commotion outside. Before he could even register it, Minerva was at his door with her arms crossed.

“You need to tell him to leave Remus. I thought you’d know better than to bring a celebrity here.” She says sternly, her glasses low on her nose. 

“What? Who’s here?”

But she doesn’t even need to explain, because it clicks and realistically, he only knows two celebrities. And he doubts that it's James. 

He grabs his woollen jumper and pulls it over his head and follows Minerva outside. She’s not impressed, that much is obvious, and it makes his ears burn with embarrassment because she has been so forgiving about it all. She fought the school board for him, and yet this is how he repays her.

He’s angry at Sirius for putting him in this situation. 

Hagrid seems to have taken control of the situation by the time Remus reaches him. He’s still surrounded by students and Remus can feel all of their eyes on him as he approaches Sirius.

“What are you doing?” he says in a harsh whisper as soon as he’s close enough. “Why would you come here?”

“I just–can we speak inside? Please? It’ll only take a few minutes” Sirius asks.

“No” Remus tells him “You’ve gotten me in trouble just by being here. You need to leave Sirius.”

Sirius rummages around in his pockets and pulls out an envelope. 

“I wanted to give this to you.” He says, holding it out to Remus.

“Why?” Remus asks, not taking it. 

Sirius keeps holding the letter out to him and in a quiet voice, nowhere near loud enough for anyone to hear them, says “because you still love me and I need you to know how I feel. It’s all written here, every bit of it. I just need you to read it, and if afterwards you still want me to leave you alone then I will, no questions asked.” 

He looks at Remus with those pleading eyes. “Please Rem.”

And despite how angry Remus might be at him at this moment, he takes the letter. “Fine. Just go before I get fired.”

Sirius grins. “Thank you Remus. Truly. I’ll call myself to apologise to Minnie on your behalf.”

Remus rolls his eyes and turns on his heel, moving around crowds of children that had been watching them and walking back into the school.

In a protest, the second he gets home, he shoves the letter in his desk drawer and does his best not to think about it. 

Minerva hadn’t been happy and he’d been given a warning once he’d gotten back into the school. He tried to explain but she wouldn’t hear it and honestly, he couldn’t blame her. She put her arse on the line to help him when that article had come out. He would’ve lost his job without her. 

His heart is still thudding in his chest and he’s sure the embarrassed shade of red on his cheeks hasn’t gone down. 

He busies himself with making dinner and cleaning his flat. But there is only so long that he can keep himself busy before he runs out of things to do. 

“He’s written me a letter,” Remus tells Regulus on the phone.

He’s sitting at his desk chair, staring at the drawer he’d locked the letter in hours before. Bowie is playing lightly in the background and his marking is lying dejected and forgotten about on the desk.

“Did he?” Regulus sounds somewhat impressed. 

But there's one thing that he needs to know.

“Did you put him up to it?” 

He can hear the smile in Regulus’ voice. “No. He’s done it himself.”

“I don’t want to open it.” He tells him.

“Yes you do” Regulus shoots back.

“He got me in trouble.”

“But you still want to open it.” Regulus states. 

He makes a strangled noise in his throat. “I want to open it.”

“So open it.”

He says it like it’s the easiest thing in the world. 

“He’s really trying Remus.”

“I know,” he says, defeated. 

“So get off of the phone and just open the fucking letter” Regulus tells him “just read what he has to say.”

“Okay.” Fine. He'll open it.

Remus.

I want to start off by saying sorry. I want you to know how genuinely sorry I am for lying to you. It’s inexcusable. I panicked. 

I liked you from the moment that I saw you, Remus. From the moment that you opened the door at James and Lily's house. Screw that, I knew that I liked you before I’d even met you. The way that James and Lily talked about you, their friend Remus who was an amazing teacher and so brilliant with Harry. I liked you when I heard you insisting that you pay for your takeaway over the phone. The second you opened that door and I saw you I knew that I was done for. 

James knew that it would happen, I think it was part of a plan all along. He’d been purposely telling me about you, telling me things that he knew were my weaknesses. He’d been trying to get me to start dating for months, insistent that I was getting lonely. I think he was worried about both of us actually. 

But the night before that first dinner, my mother had turned up at my house and she’d caught a man in my house. She’d kept me up until 3am, screaming at me and drilling it into me that it isn’t okay and that I’m not allowed. She reminded me what had happened that first time her and my father had caught me, what he’d done to that boy, almost like a threat. I was terrified Remus, I was scared of hurting somebody else just by purely being with them. 

So despite how I felt about you when I first met you, no matter how kind you were or how deeply attracted I was to you, I was scared and I knew that I couldn’t allow myself to have you. We were having these amazing conversations and it felt so intimate, but the whole time it felt as if my brain was just screaming at me to stop, before I hurt you. Because even though I’d only met you that day, you already meant too much to me, I couldn’t see you get hurt.

And after you left, I got a message from this random number, and I thought he was funny and kind and he reminded me of you. But then you mentioned those toys. The wolf and the dog. And I knew who you were because I’d brought those toys for Harry and I’d helped him name them. And it sounds so selfish now, but at that moment, I thought that it was fate. I wasn’t ready to let myself be with you in person, but I was too selfish to let you go.

So I kept texting you and I lied to you. I’m so deeply sorry Remus. I hated myself for it and I knew that it was wrong, but the way that I feel for you, from the moment that we met, I’ve never felt like that before. I felt happy for the first time in years. I tried to push it away and treat you only as a friend. 

But that night that you went on a date, you were messaging Padfoot and I just couldn’t bear it. Things hadn’t gone well and you were upset about Mary. The thought of you with someone who wasn’t me made my skin crawl and I didn’t know what I was doing until I was at your door. I knew what you were doing that night, you were taunting me and do you know what? I fucking loved it. It made me feel as if I was on fire, burning for you. I think that was when I realised I was fucked, because there was no turning back. It was like I was obsessed with you, I needed you constantly. 

And whilst we kept seeing each other every Friday and texting each other every day, my mother continued to remind me on a daily basis that who I am is not okay and that I am not allowed to ever express myself because it’ll ruin me and it’ll ruin her. I believed her, I truly thought that if people ever knew, if I ever let myself love a man, then I’d lose everything. I was willing to live a lie for her until I met you.

You were worth losing everything for Remus. You still are worth losing everything. I’d ruin myself again and again for you because you are worth more than my career. You’re worth more than what people say about me. You’re worth more than a mother who doesn’t love me. Because I really do love you Remus, more than anything and I know that you love me too.

When she’d turned up in Rome, on that first day. She knew instantly what you were to me, even though at that point you weren’t. She took me to that conference room and she reminded me again and again what it would do to me if people found out. She threatened you, she said that she’d do whatever it takes to make sure that I stayed away from you and I was terrified. Because the worst thing that she could do to me was hurt you. 

James had tried to tell me that it was all meaningless lies. She didn’t have the power to hurt you or damage us. But I believed her because I’d spent my whole life believing every word she said. 

I’d gotten carried away as Padfoot because I saw it as a way to still have you without damaging you. I started to push you away and text you more, but God it was impossible to stay away from you Remus.

But then you kissed me. I panicked because I knew that it would all catch up to me. I was so scared of you hating me or her hurting you that I thought it would be better to push you away completely. But you told Padfoot that you were going to leave and I couldn’t bear the thought of it. So I was selfish again. I knew you were going to end up hurt, one way or another, but I carried on.

Those few weeks that we were together were beautiful Remus. You are beautiful. That night that you told me you loved me after my game would be a day that I would relive again and again if I could. The way that I felt at that moment. I felt so loved and I felt so seen, something that I’d never quite experienced before. You made me want to be a better person. You made me want to be queer inspiration for other people. You were good for me Remus.

But I knew that it would all catch up to me. I deserved what happened and I didn’t deserve you anymore, not after what I’d done. James and Lily were so angry at me, everyone was, and I’m so sorry for putting them into that position because neither of them deserved it, they both tried to tell me I was wrong and I ignored it. Please don’t be angry at them for what I did.

I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I don’t expect you to want to be with me again. This isn’t a sob story to win you back, I hold myself fully accountable. I just want you to know that I am truly sorry Remus. I’m sorry for deceiving you. I’m sorry that I ruined what we had. I’m sorry that I let you find out that way. I’m so sorry.

I love you Remus, I always will. 

Yours always, 

Sirius.

Remus stares at the paper in his hand, he reads it again and again until he feels as if he can’t breathe. His heart hurts for Sirius. 

God it’s so conflicting. He’s so angry, he’s so hurt, yet all he wants to do is hug Sirius and tell him it’ll all be alright, that everything she told him is a lie. 

He understands why he did it. He does. But that doesn’t mean that everything is suddenly excused and forgotten. Because the scars are still fresh, he’s still wounded, he still hurts. 

Sirius is right, what he did was selfish, he hurt Remus and a sob story isn’t going to win him back and make everything okay. 

But it’s a step in the right direction.  

He unblocks Sirius’ number, not Padfoots, and he texts him. 

(Remus):

Thank you for the letter

(Sirius):

Thank you for reading it

That's as far as the interaction goes, but it’s a step in the right direction. 

It’s a message that says, ‘I don’t want you to leave me alone.’

He reads the letter twice more before he takes himself to bed, a small smile finally plastered on his face.

On Friday he’s cornered in his classroom. 

Matilda and Amy come in at lunch time, hand in hand again and they sit themselves down at Remus’ desk alongside Lily.

“Anything I can help you girls with?” Remus asks, still chewing on his sandwich. He looks at Lily who just shrugs with a smile.

“This is an intervention," Amy tells him. 

“For who?” Remus asks.

“You” Matilda tells him with a smug grin. 

“Me? Why?”

“We saw what happened with Sirius Black the other day” Amy says. “We had our suspicions when we saw the article but—”

“Girls I don’t think this is very appropriate–”

“Let them carry on Remus” Lily interrupts and God Remus hates her sometimes. She’s enjoying this far too much.

“You helped us with our relationship so we want to help you with yours!” Matilda justifies. 

“Theres nothing to help," Remus says. 

Amy rolls her eyes. “We’re year eleven now Sir, we aren’t thick.” 

“Whatever you’re both arguing about. We think you should just get over it” Matilda tells him, helping herself to a biscuit from his desk. 

“Oo give me one” Amy tells her and Matilda does. 

Remus raises his eyebrows because he’s quite frankly shocked and confused. 

“We just want you to be happy Sir!” Matilda carries on. 

Lily hums in agreement beside him and he shoots her a look. She just shrugs again. 

“Do you know what girls? I agree.” She tells them.

“He’s well fit Sir” Amy says, “You’d be silly to let him go.”

“I think that's enough” Remus tells him “Thank you for wanting to help. But I am fine.”

Amy shrugs “Whatever you say.”

“Is it ever that deep Sir?” Matilda asks him.

He just stares at her “Pardon me?” What does she even mean?

“Is it ever that deep?” She repeats, and then she takes her girlfriend's hand and they’re gone again.

Remus just stares at Lily afterwards and asks “What the fuck does that mean?”

She laughs “Not a clue.”

He sits there bewildered for the rest of the lunch hour. 

The final incident occurs on Saturday morning. 

He wakes up to his phone buzzing. He isn’t sure what time it is, he didn’t set an alarm, he just planned to sleep for as long as his body desired. But clearly his friends had other ideas. He grabs his phone, grunting because he’s pissed off and squinting at the screen because he’s hardly had time to wake up.

They all came in within seconds of each other, all within the same minute.

(Lily):

HAVE YOU SEEN IT?

(Regulus):

Tell me that you’ve been on instagram this morning  

(Benji):

I’ve just seen it

How’re you holding up?

And he panics because he doesn’t know what the fuck they’re talking about but he instantly thinks that maybe its another article, one about him and Sirius, one even worse than before. 

Sirius has just sent him a link. 

Nothing else. 

So he clicks on the link. It takes him to instagram. Sirius’ instagram. 

It’s a video, one minute and twenty six seconds long and it already has hundreds of thousands of likes and comments. It was posted barely ten minutes ago. Theres no caption, nothing for Remus to use to gather what the fuck is going on. 

Sirius is just sitting in front of a plain white wall, in his regular clothes, his hair messy and his face neutral. He looks unapologetically like himself. Not this jazzed up version of himself that everybody else knows. He just looks like, well, Sirius. 

Remus hesitates, taking a deep breath, before hitting play.

Sirius takes a deep breath, just like Remus had. He smiles weakly at the camera and then he begins to speak. 

“I am Sirius Black and although you all might know me for kicking a ball around a pitch and scoring a few goals every once in a while. I wanted to introduce you all to Sirius. Just Sirius.”

Sirius takes another breath.

“I’m 28 years old and I have been in love with football since I was barely five. I remember that my au pair got fired at the time for even letting me watch the football, but she sat with me whilst my parents were at work and we watched England play. I don’t think it was a particularly big game, a friendly that was shown on the TV. When it had finished, I turned to her and said that I wanted to be a footballer and she told me I could be whoever I wanted to be.”

“But a footballer is not all that I am. Although some of you might think otherwise. I love Bowie and I religiously watch the bake off every year. I cried when I watched Mamma Mia for the first time and I was obsessed with elves and pixies for far longer than I should’ve been. I still think that there are secret universes we don’t know about and I’m sure that magic exists. I hate grapes and I love going to the cinema. I prefer having my hair down than up and I hate having my photo taken. Shocking, I know. I’m not a private person and I’m quite tired of pretending that I am, just because there might be parts of me people don’t agree with.”

One more deep breath. 

“I am also queer. I have been my whole life, that’ll never change, no matter how hard people might try to change me . I’ve spent my whole career terrified that people will find out. That it’ll ruin any chances I had of going pro. It was drilled into me from the age of fourteen that it isn’t okay and that I’m not normal…

…But I am normal. Being queer is a part of me, just like being a footballer player is. But so is being a Godfather and a friend and a brother… and a boyfriend.”

“Somebody important to me taught me that I am special. He taught me that I don’t need to be ashamed of who I am, that who I am is enough. He taught me what love is, and that I am capable of being loved. But also that who I love changes nothing. It doesn’t change how I play football or how I treat others.”

“Everybody deserves to experience love because God, life is fucking miserable without it. I was miserable without it.”

Remus laughs a wet, tearful laugh. 

Sirius looks right into the camera now and laughs awkwardly, like he’s laughing with Remus. 

“So erm, that's me. Sirius Black, a queer Bowie lover who cries at Mamma Mia and thinks witches and wizards are real. I love my job, I love football. But I’m tired of pretending that I am somebody else for it. Because I think who I really am is just as good.”

And the video cuts off there. 

Remus is out of bed in seconds. 

Because what the fuck is wrong with him. He loves this man. He really loves this man. And Sirius loves him back, he loves him a lot.