Archive of Our Own ^beta

Stumbling feet, arms slung over shoulders, laughter bouncing off of buildings and torn-up concrete, JJ and John B walk together through overly familiar roads, sharing a joint — well, JJ occasionally passing it to his fellow blond when he gets bored of toking and too invested in talking — and rambling about the most inane shit they can think of. Reminiscing on their first time getting drunk, both separately and together, their first highs, the first fight they won, their first surf, the first they got arrested, first kisses and first times. Asking each other random questions about unrealistic hypotheticals. Then the topic seems to shift to their surroundings, John B being the first to remember that they’re walking down the middle of the road on their way out of town.

"We should prob- probably get outta the road, right?" John’s words slur together slightly, it taking him a little longer than it should to string together the words into a coherent sentence.

"Psh! Nah! They can’t run us over anyways, i’s illegal! Fuckers goin’ sstraight t’ jail!" He’s a little worse for ware than his friend, every other step almost making him eat total shit on the pavement, always being caught just before doing so by a familiar hand grabbing his shoulder or wrist to pull him back up, "No ones on the road anyways, we’re fiiine."

"Right- yeah, you’re right JJ," he nods overly aggressively before glancing up at the sky and stopping suddenly, making JJ stumble forward and actually fall this time, "shit! Sorry Jay!"

"It’s-" he cuts himself off with a dramatic hiss of pain as he pushes himself up, "i’s fine man, don’ worry ‘bout it man," he reaches a hand out and makes a grabbing gesture until his injured hand is grasped and used to pull him back up onto his feet, "whatchu stop for anyways, birdshit?"

With a dramatic point to the sky that they both follow with their eyes, neither of them seem to think about letting go of the other’s hand, "The sky. Look at that shit…" he drops his pointing hand and stares up for a while, watching the sky gradually shift from the blue of the day to the pink and orange of dusk.

"Tha’s… fair, actually…" JJ stares up with him for a time before turning his gaze back down when he feels an absentminded thumb stroke over his knuckles, feeling a flutter in his chest that he decides to keep to himself for now, glancing up to watch his friend watch the sky, seeing his eyes sparkle and reflect the changing hues, his expression full of pure childlike wonder.

"Can we watch it?" He pulls his wondrous gaze back down only to catch JJ staring before looking up to the sky then back across to John in a failed attempt to cover it up. He decides to keep the fact that he caught him to himself too.

"Hm?" He tilts his head to one side like a dog full of curiosity.

"The sunset. On the— on the beach?" John B nods, like he’s assuring himself, "Never actually thought t’ do it before."

"Yeah. Yeah, absolutely man- lets go!" JJ grasps the hand in his a little tighter, seemingly finally pulling John’s attention to the small form of affection, before tugging him along, off the road and towards the nearby micro-beach, that’s really just a few feet of sand and sediment by the water.

Once they reach the sand, JJ immediately almost topples over again at the sudden stop, being pulled back to balance again by the boy holding his hand tight. After taking a moment to get his bearings again, JJ finally drops down to sit on the sand, pulling John B down with him as they both adamantly refuse to let go of each other’s hand.

"You’re so fuckin’ clumsy, Jay." He laughs and rests back on one hand, watching soft waves wash up along the sliver of a shore.

"Shut up man, I’m fuckin- I’m not clumsy, the ground jus’ loves me too much man," he pulls his unheld hand up to his face before finally noticing that his fall made him lose his joint, inspiring a dramatic groan and pout, "fuuucckkk! I lost my j…" 

"Don’t you have more in your tin?" 

"Holy shit," his pout turns into a huge grin as he frantically searches through his pockets for the slim tin he always uses to carry around prerolls, never letting go of his friend’s hand, eventually finding it and pulling it out, popping the lid open with one hand and gasping dramatically like he’s found the holy grail, "fuck yeah!! You’re a fucking genius man!" Immediately closing the tin and dropping it into the sand, JJ finally lets go of John’s hand, if only to roll onto his knees and almost knock him over with an all-too tight hug instead. With a kiss to his friend’s neck that lasts much longer than his usual playful kisses, he pulls away and drops back down into his seat, flipping the tin open again, pulling out the last joint and lighting it up with the lighter kept with it, quickly taking a big hit and relaxing.

Maybe it’s just his altered state, but where his neck has been kissed now feels aflame and his hand feels hopelessly empty, a ping in his chest making him yearn for… something. He’s not even sure of what himself, mind too fuzzy to parse through his own thoughts, all he’s sure of is that he needs to have JJ’s hand in his again, so when JJ presses his palm into the sand to lean back on, he hesitantly rests his hand over his. Intertwining fingers, his neck still burning and heart thudding in his chest, they both sit in silence for a while, for once. JJ smoking and watching the water reflect and sparkle with the setting sun, occasionally stroking his thumb over John B’s pinkie and swaying to the song playing in his head. Rocking and swaying with his friend, neither of them able to sit still for longer than a few seconds, John watches the sky. The swirl of colors that look almost like watercolour, blue, pink, orange and yellow dancing over clouds. All he can think is that it looks like a painting, though maybe he says it out loud too since JJ seems to nod and agree with a hum. 

They sit there, silent, until JJ decides to break it by bringing back the topic of firsts.

"D’you remember your first kiss?"

"You already asked that one, JJ." It’s hard not to smile as he turns to watch him watch the sea. Maybe it’s the lighting, but he’s pretty sure he’s glowing.

"Nah nah, I-.. oh yeah! I did," he laughs at himself and snorts slightly, taking a deep breath of smoke, he nods and continues, "well, clearly I wanna hear it again."

"Why’re you thinking about first kisses so much, Jay? You sure you don’t wanna tell me something?" He asks it like a joke, or at least hopes he does, but he hopes he gets a genuine answer.

"Maybe! Ya never know with me." He’ll take the avoidance as an answer, "Fine. D’you remember your first like… big crush? Celebrity and real person."

"Are you saying celebrities aren’t people, JayJ? Damn," his smile turns into a soft grin as he squeezes the hand under his, humming as he tries to actually think back, "I think… first like- not-person-I-knew crush was on either like- Lindsey Lohan or the Jane girl from Tarzan? I remember watching that shit as a kid and thinking she was so smart and fun."

"I’ll give you Lindsey, that’s fair man." With another deep inhale of smoke, he nods along and feels the anxiety melt in his body.

"Uhhh…" he squints like he’s trying to physically look through his own memories before eventually coming across an especially fuzzy one, "I think I had a weird little crush on a babysitter once? She was like 15 and I was probably like 8 or some shit but she was nice so kid-brain said that must mean I have a chance." He laughs at the absurdity of his child-self, though when he feels something rest against his shoulder he’s immediately distracted, turning to look down at JJ, resting against him, still watching the water, smoking between his responses.

"You wanna know mine?" His voice is softer than normal, and it’s something so small yet so obvious to John B, who’s heartbeat quickly picks up and hand squeezes around his again.

"Yeah man, sure." He gives a small nod, making all his movements soft and small as to not force his friend to move.

"I have a clear memory of mom putting me in front of the TV playing that weird live action Peter Pan movie and turning it up as loud as possible so I couldn’t hear them, and I think I spent most of the movie crushing on Peter Pan and Tinkerbell. I think I learned to only tell people I liked Tinkerbell pretty quick though." He nods to himself and uses his next lungful of smoke to try to dull the rest of the memory.

"I was pretty into Peter Pan too as a kid. Reminded me of you." He can feel his heart swell impossibly in his chest when he catches a true, genuine soft and sweet smile on JJ’s lips as he breathes out the smoke.

"My first like… like real crush, was my best friend," he takes another smaller hit, nodding to himself as reassurance, "he’s always so kind to me and helps me when I don’t deserve it, and he always just kinda… I don’t know… feels safe? Corny as fuck but I don’t know how else to explain it."

With a slight twist of his body, John B wraps his free arm around JJ, pulling him into a hug and stroking over blond hair, squeezing and petting over the hand under his, nuzzling down against soft hair as his face buries into John’s chest. 

"I love you too, JJ. Before you go thinking I don’t, I love you." Feeling a hand grasping at the back of his shirt, he presses a kiss to the crown of his head and scratches at his scalp.

Almost toppling them both over with the borderline crushing hug, JJ picks up his face to instead bury it in the crook of his first crush’s neck, letting go of his hand to wrap both arms around him. With some guidance into a slightly more comfortable position, he kneels between John B’s legs, shifting as close as possible and draping his arms over his shoulders.

"You okay, Jay?" He strokes over JJ’s back and nudges against him.

"I love you so fucking much, Bree." He squeezes tighter and nuzzles his nose against John B’s neck, "Holy shit my chest hurts."

"I got you, don’t worry," John B sways with him as the sun hangs low in the sky, slowly dipping below the ocean, "you wanna watch the sunset with me, bubba? Can be our first date." He smiles when he feels a nod against him, then another quick kiss to his neck before JJ turns in his arms, sitting in his lap and slumping down to notch his head under John B's chin, bringing his almost burnt out joint back up to his lips and getting comfortable.

So they both sit, watching the sun gradually dip below the waves, holding one another tight and close, sharing the last of JJ's joint. Enjoying the last bit of warmth the sun has left to give them before it completely disappears into the water, replaced with a frigid breeze blowing across the sea and making them both shiver and cling closer to the other. They stay for a while, longer than they should be willing to as the temperature drops with the blanket of night, JJ curling up and turning into John B's chest, seeming strangely content as he's curled up around in turn, like a dragon protecting its treasure.

"Bub, it's fucking freezing," he whispers at first, but quickly gets confused at his own decision, speaking at a normal volume as he continues, "can we get home already please?"

"I don't know man, I'm pretty comfortable here." JJ scoffs out a laugh and makes a point of snuggling closer, completely comfortable with staying with the amount of heat coming off of John B.

"Jay, please. If I say we can share my bed when we get home, will you move?"

"Hmmm..." He flicks his burnt-out joint away and taps his chin, pretending to think before nodding, looking like he's just made a business deal, "deal. Pleasure doin' business with you." He holds out a hand to shake, holding back a laugh when John B slaps his hand into his and shakes it overly aggressively.

"The pleasure is all mine, now lets fucking go!" John B gets up onto his feet with a small stumble, using the handshake to pull JJ up with him, stopping for a moment to just stare at each other as they both find their footing, before they both set off towards the chateau again.

Running through familiar roads, torn up pavement slowly turning into dirt roads, hands locked together like they'll lose each other if they part for even a second, JJ occasionally managing to almost trip over his own feet before eventually, finally, they make it to the chateau, running past where the Twinkie is parked, through the porch and into the house. Quickly, JJ dips into the kitchen to snatch up some snacks left on the countertop, before darting to the bigger bedroom at the back of the house, pulling John B along with him until they both fall into the bed, immediately getting comfortable under the blankets to hide from the frigid weather. Sitting with blankets draped over them, facing one another with a bag of crisps between them, they both break out into laughter and fits of giggles, leaning into each other and curling into one other. Dropping the bag, JJ holds both of John's hands, interlocking their fingers and resting his head against his chest again, finding the warmth of him comforting, listening to his breaths and heartbeat.

"You're cozy..." JJ hums out and climbs into his lap again, eventually letting out a small scoff when he process the words he spoke, "cheesy as fuck."

"Absolutely adorable, JJ. Absolute sweetheart, thank you, am I really?" He tips his head to one side to give JJ a place to rest his, stroking over the side of his thumbs and speaking playfully, "You're pretty comfortable too, Jay."

"Good t' know, Bree," he takes the offer, pressing his cheek to his childhood friend's shoulder and his nose against his neck, staying there for a moment before leaning forward and laying kisses there, smiling and relaxing fully when he feels each of his hands be squeezed, speaking soft between kisses, "can we stay friends?"

"Yeah, Jay. 'f course. Can we be more too, though?" With a soft hum, he nudges against JJ.

"Yeah..." JJ nods and pulls away slightly, moving his hands away from their hold to instead hug around John's neck, taking a moment to just stare at him, before blurting out, "can I kiss you?"

"Jay-," John B can't help but laugh, but quickly gives him the answer, holding his face in his hands and saying a quick, "of course, dumbass." Before he closes the gap, catching chapped lips with his own and feeling everything click into place. Sure, all they can taste on each other is liquor and smoke, but neither of them can bring themselves to care. Just hands on faces, fingers in hair, tasting each other's vices, expressing years of love that they’d both contained to affections easily explained away as bromance. The fluttering of their hearts turn into full blown butterflies that swarm in their chests and stomachs, dancing in their bodies and urging them on to indulge.

Eventually, hands move to grasp bodies, JJ gripping dirty blond waves and twisting the back of John’s shirt in his fist, for all he knows he’s fully forgotten how to breathe normally anymore.  At some point, he’s laid on his back, and his… friend? Boyfriend? Is over him, fingers laced in his pale hair and a hand gripping his waist, and then they finally separate, both much more out of breath than they should be. Faces flushed, they just look at each other for a while. JJ looks at him like he looks at the ocean. John B looks at him like he looks at the sunset. Eyes full of awe and wonder and adoration. Comfort and familiarity. They connect again, this time like they’re savouring every moment, and John lays across him, stroking over his hair and tracing over a small scar on his cheek with his thumb. Then, they trail off the kisses, resign themselves to holding each other, JJ pinned under the comforting weight of his best friend, nuzzling into his shoulder and peppering kisses over every inch of skin he can reach.

"You’re heavy as shit." JJ smiles and lets out a dramatic whine when John tries to push himself up to relieve some of the weight, wrapping his arms tight around him and pulling him back down, "Weighted blanket. Don’t move, it’s nice."

"Got a feeling you just wanna be crushed, Jay." He lets out a half-hearted laugh before spreading his weight out fully over his fellow blond, "Are we gonna eat those snacks? Or are you just gonna use me as a weighted blanket until you fall asleep?"

"Mmmm…" he hums and huffs out, "but I’m comfortable… don’t wanna move, you’re a great blanket."

"Okay bubba, if you want me to just stay here, I can." He nods and makes sure to shift the blanket he’s draped over himself to properly cover his body, toeing off his shoes and kicking them off of the bed, "Please don’t sleep with your shoes on my bed."

"Uuugghh! Fine," JJ’s much less graceful, kicking his feet and aggressively trying to kick his shoes off, eventually getting them off and throwing them across the room, "there. Now please crush me until I fall asleep."

"Already here, bub. Go to sleep, JJ." He nuzzles into the space between JJ’s ear and the pillow under him, yawning softly next to his ear, smiling when he gets a yawn in response.

"Night, bird." He drapes his arms around John B’s waist and lets out a heavy sigh, slipping his eyes shut and nudging against his shoulder.

"Night, bubba. Love you." He nudges him back.

"Love you too, Bree."