Archive of Our Own ^beta

The Tardis landed roughly, nearly throwing both of them to the floor. The Doctor straightened himself out but then quickly leaned down again, squinting at the screen in front of him.

“This is not at all where I wanted to go.” he mumbled to himself.

“Get the dates wrong again?” Rose asked cheekily.

“No, more like…” he flipped a couple of switches, “more like the Tardis changed them at the last second.” he said. Rose’s brow furrows.

“Why would she do that?” she asked, looking at the screen. The Gallifreyan still hardly made any sense to her, even after all this time but she was able to pick out numbers within the circles.

“2010? Why 2010?” Rose put a hand on the console and looked up.

“What’s going on, old girl?” she said. The Tardis hummed a sorrowful note, lights dimming. Rose and the Doctor shared a look.

“I guess there’s only one way to find out.” He said, grabbing his coat. He handed Rose hers as well. He opened the door just as Rose zipped it up.

They stepped out onto a street, flat concrete stretching out in either direction. It wasn’t Earth, Rose noted, taking in the rounded buildings of the city around them. It was built on an incline and the center of the city could be seen from where they were standing, a spire that stood higher than any of the buildings in London.

The two of them walked down the street, keeping an eye out for anything unusual in the light of the curved street lamps. After half an hour of aimless walking Rose spoke.

“I think this might be the longest we’ve ever gone without finding any danger.” she said.

“Not true!” The Doctor replied, “There was that one time! On the planet with the rainbow trees? We went a whole 32 minutes without running into danger.”

Rose snorted.

“Ah yes, how could I forget?” she said. 

“Was that the place where-” Rose was cut off mid sentence when feelings of guilt and grief slammed into her so hard her legs nearly buckled under the force of it. The world tilted and she grabbed for the Doctor’s arm. She was so overwhelmed by the feeling that she almost didn’t notice when the Doctor started to haphazardly push the feeling back, trying to carve out a corner in their shared mental space that wasn’t overwhelmed by all consuming grief .

He pulled her into the bubble and she took a deep breath of the cool night air. Rose looked at the Doctor. His cheeks were wet with tears and there were even more in his eyes. It’s then she realized her face was wet too. She reached up and wiped them away, staring at the wetness on her hand.

Confusion echoed between them. The Doctor reached out and they were almost floored by another wave of grief. He quickly shut it out again.

“What-” Rose started, mind full with a thick, cloying fog.

“I- I don’t-” the Doctor stumbled over his words, blinking hard, trying his best to clear the fog. The barrier between it and them strengthened and they finally recognized the usually silent side of their bond.

“Jack.” They said at the same time. 

The Doctor took off first, grabbing Rose’s hand. She stumbled a bit but quickly gained her footing and together they followed the mental trail leading towards their third.

It led them to a bar, the inside of which stunk like alcohol and a somehow worse version of cigarettes. Rose's eyes scanned the crowd as she held tight to the Doctor's hand.

It's then she spotted it. The coat Jack had taken to wearing. The navy blue stood out against the yellow color of the bar, even with how hunched over Jack was sitting.

He's over there. Rose told the Doctor. He followed her line of sight and his eyes landed on Jack. Concern rolled off him as he took in Jack's slouched form. He gave her hand a tug and they began making their way through the crowd.

Jack hadn’t noticed them at all, mentally or otherwise, so when Rose set a gentle hand on his back and leaned into the bar top to his right he startled badly, whipping his head around to look at her. Rose’s heart ached as she took in his face. He’d been crying, eyes red and puffy.

The Doctor came up on his left, setting a hand under Rose’s. Jack turned to look at the Doctor.

“Jack? What’s going on? What’s wrong?” The Doctor asked. Jack took in a shaky breath and stared at his drink. Rose felt Jack closing off his side of the bond. It lessened the weight of his grief but it worried Rose even more. He hardly ever closed off his side, sharing everything with them.

“Why aren’t you on Earth? With Torchwood?” Rose asked. Jack’s efforts fell apart as a fresh wave of grief tore through him. Rose caught flashes of memory as they flitted across Jack’s mind. 

In the Hub as the klaxons blare, manhandling Ianto onto the lift, kissing him before it rises away.

“I can survive anything.”

Inside Thames House, standing in front of a huge glass tank filled with blue smoke, the 456 thrashing and threatening.

Turning to Ianto, panic coursing through him as he grabs Ianto’s arm.

“We gotta get you out of here.”

“It’s too late…” Dread at Ianto’s words.

“I breathed the air…” 

Catching Ianto as he collapses, both of them falling to the ground.

Holding Ianto in his arms as he’s dying, kissing him one last time.

Rose came back to herself, tears in her eyes. One look at the Doctor told her he had seen the same thing. She felt his anger at the 456, his own grief at the loss of Ianto, and most of all she felt the deep well of his regret and guilt fill just a little bit more at the thought that he wasn’t there to help stop it.

There are more tears in Jack’s eyes when Rose looks back at him.

“Oh Jack…” Rose whispered, settling a hand on his arm. Jack swallowed hard and started rebuilding his walls again.

“Stop that.” the Doctor said softly, wrapping his arm around Jack’s side and resting his forehead against the side of Jack’s. The metaphorical blocks came tumbling back down again as Jack’s face crumpled, eyes screwed shut. 

“Come on,” Rose said, tugging on Jack and the Doctor’s arms, “Let’s go home.”

Jack didn’t say anything but the Doctor nodded. He took the glass out of Jack’s hand and set it on the bar top. Jack stumbled a bit when he stood but Rose and the Doctor kept him balanced. The Doctor took the lead, slipping his hand into Jack’s and pulling him in the direction of the exit. Rose grabbed Jack’s other hand so she wouldn’t get separated.

The trip back to the Tardis was quiet save for the sound of their footsteps. They finally made it and the Doctor pulled out his key and opened the door one handed, refusing to let go of Jack’s hand to use his other one. The three of them stepped inside and the Tardis crooned at them in a sad greeting. 

That seemed to be all Jack was able to handle as before they could even reach the steps leading up to the console he collapsed to his knees; hard, rough sobs forcing their way out of him. Rose and the Doctor were by his side in an instant, wrapping their arms around him as he curled in on himself. Jack buried his face in Rose's shoulder and gripped the Doctor’s coat as waves and waves of grief and sadness poured off of him as he cried.

The three of them stayed like that for a while, Rose and the Doctor holding Jack as he cried his heart out, offering whatever comfort they could mentally and physically. Jack passed out eventually, exhaustion winning out in the end. The Doctor sent his intentions to Rose as he lifted Jack up in his arms, telling her he’s going to get him into bed.

Rose sent the impression of tea back and the Doctor nodded, heading towards their bedroom. Rose headed off towards the kitchen.

She found the kettle already sitting out when she got there and sent the Tardis a soft wave of thanks. She got the water boiling then pulled out her phone, knowing what she’s going to do while she waited. She had a feeling that Jack might have taken off without saying anything and she knew Gwen would be worried sick about him. She brought up Gwen’s number and sent a text.

We found Jack. He’s safe.

Then after a moment of consideration she sent another one.

I’m so sorry we weren’t there.