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Chapter Text

Vorik
Second son of Tybik. He was named after his Vulcan grandfather; his mother named him after him. He is one-fourth human, and a third Vulcan. Born on Raal, Vulcan. He spent his childhood exploring caverns, hiking, exploring and engaging in advanced rock climbing. His mother encouraged Vorik to be adventurous and curious about nature and life, her archeology impacted his tastes. His family spent summers on Osana. His family lived in the outskirts of Raal, so he never got to imbue himself in the city life, though he would often go to the city with Taurik and his betrothed Selmar and passingly see foreigners. Vorik attended Starfleet Academy at 17. He graduated in 2370 in the top 6th percentile at 20 years old. He served as a midshipman aboard the USS Independence, introducing new dilithium crystal matrix protocols that won him accolades. Then, by invitation of Katherine Janeway, he joined and later served in the USS Voyager.

Clan
Clan K'vek, from his parental line. His clan has a long history of being merchants and rich inventors on Raal. It is said that Spock's ancestor was a member of clan K'vek, Spock of house K'vek married into the Schn T'gai clan, he was a great inventor of things, an ancient engineer.

Familial relationships.
T'rik: Severe, traditional Vulcan grandmother, paternal line. She disapproves of Vorik's mother career choices (and possibly her human heritage)
Tybik: Dead father who was distant to him, but Vorik respected immensely. Vorik regrets that they never spoke more.
T'sara: Half Vulcan, half human mother. She is stoic, emotionally guarded, peculiar, secretive and career driven. She has experienced some rejection due to her half human heritage in Vulcan academic circles and because she is an archeologist. She has had clashes against the Vulcan academy of science since around 100 years in the past, far before her children were born.
Taurik: Twin brother who he is close to, but they don't speak about (human) personal things or feelings often.
T'bal: Little sister. Twin of T'shara.
T'shara: Little sister. Twin of T'bal.

Romantic relationships.
Selmar: Childhood betrothed who he isn't very close to, they speak, but they don't really involve themselves emotionally with each other deeply, they are childhood friends and playmates. Selmar is often thought of as more mature and romantically ready by Vorik, while he himself doesn't feel so enthusiastic about the prospect of marriage at his age. Who knows what her real intentions or prospects are? Is it about her position as the bride of Vorik? or simply that she is fond of him?

Chapter Text

Month of Tasmeen, 3rd day. Raal, Vulcan.

The sun gave its last rays. Vulcan’s hot climate begun to give into coolness and then gradually bone piercing coldness. The mournful group were in the ancestral lands of his clan, an expanse of desert outside of the cities of Raal. This was one of the many that belonged to his clan. This parcel in particular was his family's.

The sky glowed red, fading slowly to ink black, the silver birds of Vulcan fluttered in the sky and disappeared from his sight.

“Today we honor the memory of Tybik, son of Tarik. We are all diminished by his death, but we were enriched by his life. Today we honor him: We honor the husband, the father, the engineer. His life is one to be held in the highest regard and esteem.” the priestesses recited to all attending.

“My family and friends…peace and long life.” T’sara, his mother, spoke first, softly and evenly. She held her wrist with one of her hands, in the other, his ashes were inside the urn, she opened it slowly, as if it was causing her difficulty, and then let them fly away with a gust of wind. His sisters stood beside his mother, their faces, as young as his, were severe and expressionless, in a way that he hadn't seen before. The three of them had gotten ready in a separate room than Taurik and him. He gathered that they had spoken at length to prepare themselves for this moment. He desired to have been there, they were not the only ones who felt the weight of Tybik's death, but he understood their need for privacy. All of their hairs were prepared carefully, with intricate formal braids which no doubt T'sara had assisted them with. He had heard his mother one time speaking with a human visitor of the custom of female Vulcans to get very ready for emotional moments, for their bonding, funerals, award acceptance speeches. In ancient times it was a method of meditation and emotional preparation.

The particles of sand and ashes moved with the wind low on the earth, and then high, rising into the heavens, until it had disappeared from his sight.

Vorik did not speak, even when his brother's eyes turned to look at him. It was a silent question, of who would speak first, firstborns would go first, therefore Taurik, then it would be him, then his twin sisters, first T'shara, and then T'bal.

In his mind's eye he could see himself fumbling for words, breaking into a sigh, even letting a rogue tear fall from the corner of his eyes.

Even the idea of the possibility of it happening made Vorik sure to hold his tongue.

His father would not have never intended for him to suffer such humiliation. Tybik was a logical man. He did not have that trained emotional restraint older Vulcans had and today Vorik could not choose to overexert himself in front of a crowd. He felt obliged to but he could not, otherwise he would go against his own judgment and logic, his dignity would be at stake.

He felt many things he did not have a name for, complex feelings, overlapping and drowning each other, in a most confounding manner. He did not hear his sister's words to their father.

He snapped from his thoughts with the final words of the priestess. “Live long and prosper.” The priestess dismissed them with a respectful wave of her hand. Her voice, while neutral carried a definite politeness and generosity to their situation. Vorik was aware of how it looked, T'sara, aged 190 years, with 4 children and a deceased husband.

Vorik thought that it was ironic that such a loss would be ended with those wishes, but soon he pushed those irrational feelings with trained efficiency.

T'sara stayed and spoke to his father’s closest friends, her friends and family, some were Vulcans, and some others were not- although in lesser quantity. He knew more than half of them from his mother's acquaintance, some had come to him before the ceremony and given him words of encouragement.

A particular human male, James, had talked to him like he was a child, seeming sadder about his father's loss than he himself did, but he also felt warmer by his words, regardless of how that may have fallen into the concept of self-indulgent pity, 'B'elak paar'.

James was likely not aware of that mental construct in the same way Vorik was, and that made him feel at peace, and unusually comforted, in a manner that he almost felt repelling under the circumstances. He thought that he should be able to do this on his own, but his emotions had turned against his will.

Now he could understand why Vulcans believed Humans encroached their emotions, while that was not the entire truth in every occasion.

Humans made broad assumptions and let other indulge on their feelings freely, even welcoming it and felt rejected if they were not allowed that liberty to get to share on it. Regardless of humanity's emotional nature, he couldn't help but be intrigued by the wisdom they possessed. Perhaps they didn’t possess cold logic in the same manner Vulcans did, but they possessed empathy and boldness, they connected with others with facility and managed to become diplomats and explorers. A collaboration and community.

Not like the community that had turned its back from his mother. The science academy.

The isolationist movement had become prevalent in Vulcan society, bringing more discontent Vulcans under the misconceptions that they were somehow better than other species, only by virtue of being Vulcans, while also isolating other Vulcans who did not wish to return to the old ways, nor wanted to completely comply with the hierarchical use of Logic and cold sciences as a determinant for social prestige and community.

The isolationist movement did not only isolate humans and other foreign influences, but also any Vulcans who would be considered an 'other'. Their gazes could be felt like sharp icicles, like raptors waiting to strike and humiliate. It was a divided issue, the ancient misbeliefs and prejudices coming to attack the new progress that had been made, in a way, to create a new wave of political extremists that would slow down Vulcan progress with their ideas of tradition and dignity in a Vulcan sense.

His gaze moved from the Vulcans he did not know, and onto a frail figure.

His grandmother stood steadily in the sands with a severe brown traditional tunic. Her skin was wrinkly and her eyes held no expression on the surface, like looking at two pair of dull rocks. She had not changed from when he first met her.

He had not seen T'rik many instances. His mother and his grandmother had differences in what they believed was logical and what was not, and how much involvement there should be within Vulcan society and other species, this rift became an unfixable chasm.

The old woman was severe and traditional in all a Vulcan should be or not be, and she had many opinions regarding his mother's life.

That had come to a clash 12 years ago, when T'sara had first sold a parcel of the ancestral land of their ancestors to fund her archeological ventures that would later come to be greatly revered in the Federation. His grandmother had believed she lost face in front of the clan. Her daughter had chosen outsiders' benefits above her family's opinion, the clan's own value for cultural preservation, and family relations, his uncle had told him of that matter when he was young, so that Vorik would understand why his mother did not visit his foremother's and not to mention the Head of House K'vek directly. Why T’rik ignored his words when he mentioned his mother’s archeological research in any manner.

His uncle had not taken sides but rather informed in a manner that tried to find a balance within both of their perspectives, for that, even as a child, Vorik had a high opinion of him.

T'sara persuade effortlessly with logic that appeared simple yet conveyed a deeper understanding. Vorik has seen T'sara persuade with ease, nevertheless, his grandmother was unfaltering and imperturbable in her beliefs. Now that he was older, he realized that this generational gap could not be simply breached by logical persuasion but only accepted and respected for what it was. Both his mother and grandmother would likely never reconcile, and now that he followed his mother's path, being part of Starfleet, rather than joining the Vulcan institute of science he was aware that he had also, by T'rik's own definition, chosen 'outsiders' rather than Vulcan society. He was now an other, and if he attempted to make conversation with T'rik he would realize again that her thoughts hadn't changed, the only result he would find from that interaction would be a sense of dejection that he would rather avoid for the time being.

His grandmother gave him a slight nod of her head when she saw Vorik staring. Vorik straightened his back immediately and gave his grandmother a polite nod back.

Besides his grandmother, Selmar's parents, with whom his family shared a congenial relationship.

Vorik hoped he wouldn't have to converse with Selmar that day. He looked for her amongst the barren sands and when he didn't find her amongst any group of Vulcans he found himself illogically relieved.

It wasn't that he was averse to her; logically, they were a good match by all possible quantifiable measures, they had similar interests and values, and she was also logically keen and open to him, even allowing him the trust to understand and see her emotionality on a few occasions where they had explored with a more human outlook on emotional expression, sharing their thoughts on their philosophy and manner of acting. He had begun to find comfort in her steadfastness and openness to experiment. His mother usually arranged their meetings for their courtship events with Selmar's parents through an intermediary, (their meetings were not inordinate by the year, in his opinion) and there was no need for his father to intervene in an already made match, so, in his mind, it made sense that Selmar had skipped the ritual.

But that was the truth, his betrothed knew nothing of his father, they hadn't even spoken of him when they had met privately. Vorik did not know if he would ever reveal any of his feelings and thoughts regarding Tybik to Selmar or to any other.

Selmar's parents, he surmised, was his mother's way of rekindling their connection and reminding him and them of their betrothal.

Vulcan law dictated that a betrothal would be in function so long that the male had contacted the female at least one time every 3 years. If the female gifted the betrothal necklace- or some other type of wearable proof of their engagement, and when the male accepted he would be bonded to marry her unless they both consented to the dissolvement. The process of betrothal and acceptance of marriage was long, every step required great care, starting from the bonding in childhood (or adulthood, considering the dissolvements that had become silently apparent in Vulcan society).

All in the event of a pon farr, women were required in his society, and such arrangements were still prevalent because of their practical need. They needed each other.

Parents took considerable efforts to get a match that would not reject their son's when their time came, to preserve both life and lineage. While ritual challenge was archaic, it was entirely legal and every male of his age was aware of it, by the time Vulcan men reached their 20’s they would have to either be well trained in martial arts or have a willing mate that would not consider their dissolvement, and some, who were cautious still learned more than was necessary, just to be ready for any eventualities. The mere prospect of being involved with someone who would then prefer a challenge was something that, while not afraid of, Vulcan's in their own way were wary of. The courtship process as slow and respectful, and women was given many liberties on what to deny or accept and what pace the relationship was in, a power that was uniquely theirs, to protect their dignity and privacy. Women were seen as the more logical gender within a relationship to set the pace of it, due to the male's strong hormonal reactions and how easily they lost their propriety.

Which was to say Selmar was to be his bride, and she was willing, and he knew it. Many would not have such a willing arranged mate and would suffer a destiny worse than a clean death, but he did not have to, thanks to his mother's foresight and care.

But if he were to be honest, he had never thought of a life with Selmar after their wedding. 'If there was to be one'

Logically speaking, she was to be his bride. What would change that fact besides his death?

Now much more that his father had died, the roots of their kinship would just deepen, Selmar would be now part of his family in a way he would not be able to unbind.

The marriage was not only a possibility anymore and for that he should be grateful, if Selmar didn't think of denying him his life would be assured.

Internally, he thought that he lacked something, an understanding, a knowledge, and once he had it, he would be able to marry Selmar, that the matter of their impending nuptials wouldn't feel like a weight but rather..

He couldn't help but feel...

He cut off his illogical thoughts and took a breath in, but the knowledge of what he already knew about himself could not be avoided forever. He was inherently flawed in his logic, there was no repair he could do to this fault of his, to this emotional indulgence he was prior not known to have.

Taurik stood beside each him in silence, sensing each other without acknowledging it, understanding implicitly what the other was thinking, and to an extent feeling. Vorik hoped that his feelings and thoughts weren't clear on his face, however, with a thought he relaxed slightly, his brother was known to be bad at reading facial expressions and ques.

Tybik was an old Vulcan, 190 years old and T’sara had been 195 and his second wife when they married. T’sara had taken the opportunity to teach them and guide them herself since their childhood and never discussed much of her and Tybik’s love life or how they had met. He had collected some minimal information over the years, like that their families had been friends, and they had met at ShiKar, if she or he had been arranged they never knew, for all his mother’s openness Vorik had never heard of such private things, and he had revered her too much to try to impose himself on her in such a manner.

Tybik had been sick with Bendii syndrome, his agony, mental torment, confusion, had been long and undignified. To save them of seeing their father like that, and keeping Tybik’s own dignity T’sara had decided to keep him on another part of their home, restricted of access on the last months of his life, his mother was the only presence that calmed his mind, before this he had spent most of his years in Vulcana Regar working as an engineer, since they had not spent as much time with him, glimpses here and there after their studies and congratulations when they exceeded academically.

They would not mention this again, nor venture into what could have been.

Many years ago his mother had mentioned that ever since she was a young woman she had wanted to have children, and implied that she had never desired to marry to an equal measure, he knew that fact for certain, for he had heard it with his own ears when.

He had started to collect rocks he found interesting and T’sara would tell him what the erosion or shape meant, he managed to find Vokaya that day, that green glass that had formed after the Vulcan wars and disasters, it was minimally radioactive and it shined in the dark.

He truly didn’t share her passion for archeology, he only wanted to listen to his mother’s educated and gentle words, to walk with her.

Shortly after he decided he would be a part of Starfleet, just like his mother, and instead of an archeologist he would become an engineer in the federation, his older twin brother, Taurik decided months after, believing that, that too, was the logical choice for him as well. They had many conversations regarding engineering, and while Taurik was also interested in science, they both ended up coming to a mutual and independent decision.

Underneath those childhood over-excited musings laid a real ambition, one that he would honor the next year in Regal VII.

Hopefully, he would succeed in the first try, otherwise he would have to wait another year and prepare himself again for the exam.

But what of his mother?

T'sara looked at her T'rik, and T'rik looked back at her, they didn't move, as if they were planted on the sand. Finally, his mother gave her a small nod as a courtesy, a way to show her respects, even though she was clearly not pleased with the number of aliens in a private funeral.

He stared at her delicate and bony hands. She was growing old.

And he never knew all her thoughts and teachings.

What he did know he had been freely given, he had picked up her writings just before publication when his mother had gifted it to him, only now he regretted that he had not asked for more.

He wanted more of her guidance, illogically, but he was a man, grown, having passed his own ritual into an individual after his kahs-wan, and having already went through his education, there was no fault in his training or meditation, yet his youth made him propense to this sentimentality and loss of control.

In a year he would travel far away from the shores of Raal and to humid green earth.

And T’sara would no longer be T’sara, but a diminished flickering light that grew colder…until nothing anymore, even if he returned to their home, even if he decided to stay beside her until her death. She would, just like Tybik had died, suddenly plummeting into the floor.

Her body would not be able to sustain her Katra and her consciousness would be put to a katric stone by his clan.

And T'sara's body would return to the sands of Vulcan, he would never again climb with her or hike with her in the rocky mountains. He would never again listen to her advice nor read new papers of her authorship when she is away.

Even that small thing that connected them would cease to be, and it would only remind him once more that she would be dead, and with her that brilliance and insight that only she possessed, Only if he were to visit the 'Hall of Katras' under the monastery of P'jem and ask to meld with her but that would not be his mother, but her katra.

He could not bear to think of disturbing her spirit's resting place to indulge his own emotionality.

Today, and in the future he would not be able to meld with his mother due to the fact that she went through his father's Bendii syndrome through the bond and Tybik could have had impaired her neurologically, one mind meld more, even the slightest of disruptions of her mind and it would completely throw her out of balance.

Today's ritual should have ended with a mind meld between all of them, to settle their spirits and find support with each other's minds, but it was impossible. Since Tybik had been sick, and after his mother had come back from a mind healer he understood that her mind was in a precarious situation, and it would take many years to manage a mind meld.

‘Kaiidth’, he reminded himself, ‘kaiidth'.

He couldn't forget his teachings now. This was merely a lapse of his emotional control.

The rites were pensive and silent. Vorik walked above the sands with his leather sandals and he felt himself exhale unknowingly. His eyes adjusted to the blending darkness, and he saw the beginnings of the mist of Raal, the one who came from the sea and the air. He smelled the warmth of the sea mist. A tightness in his chest that he did not know he had started to ease.

The light from Vulcan’s ‘moon’ shone upon their path. He would not regret, for that would be illogical, but for today, he would allow himself to grieve, what he lost today, and what he would lose in the future, this was his path.

Chapter Text

"Mother, where are you?" Vorik asked, coming inside their home, the door was unlocked and half open. Curious, and yes...deeply unsettling in equal amounts.

The living room was vaguely disorganized, with papers and artifacts sprawled on the tables. 'She is doing it again' he thought as he saw her drawings of the elusive gem. The devils' heart, known as 'Ko N'ya' in vulcan, a archeological artifact that was said to have the knowledge of hundreds of lives impressed psychically on it. His mother had been at the search for it for years now. Most Vulcan archeologists and scientist refuted the existence of such an object, but T'sara seemed to have found clues as to where it was. He remembered his grandmother's judgement of her search, of her private archeological expeditions, 'How could she judge my mother?' he thought protectively. His mother was a very important archeological researcher, he found himself petty for defending his mother in his mind, though the sense of injustice lingered

He touched one of the papers with the drawing impressed on it, tracing the outline of the gem and gazing into the resplendent darkness of T'sara's drawing of the heart.

"Mother" he called again, looking over his shoulder, but T'sara didn't appear.

Silence, only the slow rustling of the sand as it moved outside of their home.

He walked outside to the parcel of land that was supposed to be their garden; he and his mother never had a passion for agriculture. It was simply part the inner house, sand and a few hardy species of plants that his mother and he had chosen to 'decorate' it with.

His mother's thoughts on the decoration of houses and gardens were much more simplistic than other people of a noble house. She liked the austere and relished on not having anything that would be hard to keep in the environment of Vulcan. She always had a preference for the simple and the strong. While other's houses had grand gardens, kept carefully by assistants, his mother had always been apprehensive in allowing strangers into their home and preferred to do everything independently or not at all.

The lack of ostentatiousness was a mark of her own character. In a way, Vorik was aware that his own austereness and character had been impacted by her, but only now that he was planning on leaving the impression became stronger. He would have been glad if he could emulate even half of his mother's traits.

It would have been too hard to keep a more delicate plant, like human roses or even potatoes when they were constantly moving from place to place and spending summers at their family property on the mountains of Osana. Or when she needed to travel outside of Vulcan and Taurik and him had been too young to be relied on doing all the chores of the home, including caring for plants that could as easily die after a hot day.

In the end, it had never been a logical option. He leaned down and touched the coarse Khara bush.

Some anxiety tugged at his stomach at the empty, still surroundings. The air seemed to grow stagnant. He wanted to call his mother out loud again.

He suppressed the feeling. His mother would be here, somewhere.

He walked the corridors and knocked on the door of her study softly. He went in slowly.

She had fallen asleep on her chair. Her eyes were closed, he could see her eyes move beneath her eyelids and her expression gentle. The wrinkles on her skin could not diminish her beauty. Her eyelids were decorated with a traditional metallic ocean-blue eyeshadow, in the ancient days it had been collected by workers from snail creatures and then turned into powder, nowadays no one could abide by the practice, but they continued to replicate the color and composition with replicators at will.

T'sara's black hair was in a tight ponytail. She was dressed to receive visits, in a flowy white tunic shirt and skirts, the window of her study was open. Sunlight fell on her hair and her right ear, lighting it red.

He didn't know why a sense of unease overcame him. 'I am a visitor now' he accepted internally, if that was the issue, though not without a hint of discomfort. He had seen T'sara sleep often after Tybik had died, and even before, when he was only imbalanced.

He lingered beside her until he saw her chest move with air, he closed the window as silently as he could and retired with a minute sigh of relief.

She must have been tired, if the state of her research was any indication, Vorik reasoned internally. He decided to retreat and set down his bag. Anticipation filled him, he had seen Taurik before the exam, however he hadn't come in the same shuttle that he had. Perhaps later. He knew that if he had been able to succeed in the test then his brother would have been too, but now he wanted to speak to him before their acceptance was formalized.

Vorik was certain his mother was confident in their abilities, but she would be pleased by their accomplishments, nonetheless. Perhaps she would cook for them today in manner of celebration, even if it was common for guests to cook or bring food in manner of repayment for the hospitality they were receiving already.

He looked at his room. It had been vacant since he had left, the shuttle had taken 2 months to arrive to the exam. It appeared his mother had made it a point to keep the room clean (though she had neglected the rest of the house). A few artifacts were held in the bookshelves, his hiking equipment was folded in the second cabinet, he remembered putting it there after the last time he hiked with Taurik.

A few pieces of Voyaka 'glass' were in his desk, he had used a small instrument to carve on it, he had not yet decided what he would do with it after he had finished, the reward was of doing it was enough as it was. Perhaps it would be adequate to gift it to Selmar, but the idea came with its own sets of oppositions, he had not meditated on the future of their relationship yet, they were yet too young for marriage, and he was disinterested in it.

After he went away, she would be free to unbind herself from him, and it was likely she would find a fitting mate between someone more available to Vulcan.

They had not spoken about her opinion on Starfleet, travelling outside of Vulcan was something that many Vulcans preferred not to do, even with the rising statistics of Vulcans travelling away. Vorik was sure that they were likeminded in that travelling and seeing the outside, and his own work and studies would be important if he was supposed to provide an adequate lifestyle and have a fulfilling, harmonious marriage with her.

It was that way with every working marriage, he had heard of many marriages that worked regardless of distance.

But again, he had never quite asked, and he was realizing it.

That made him pause and reflect on himself. He meditated on the matter, but he couldn't see the solution. He couldn't put a marriage above a career ambition, he couldn't put career ambition over a marriage. logically, both could complement each other, but would Selmar think that was a satisfying arrangement? He doubted it, her unbinding their agreement was a matter of time unless his career came to a complete halt, and he was unable to join Starfleet again or she accepted living with the fact that he would be outside of Vulcan for most of the year.

He had never thought about her outlook on that.

It seemed very emotional, to not want your partner to leave to study and accomplish their goals, but he understood that he couldn't judge someone for having different marital aspirations, or for desiring something different than himself.

Problem was, he didn't know if he had any marital aspirations at all.

He was discreetly affectionate with everyone in his life, and he admired deeply, but when it came to the idea of marriage, he drew blanks. Selmar, on the other hand had spoken to him about love philosophically, of marital harmony. Selmar seemed much more mature than he himself was in those aspects. For him marriage was an obligation, a duty to fulfill, for Selmar it was...different.

He felt that if they were to continue their arrangement, he would inevitably fall short of being a satisfying partner.

'A visitor to my own wife,' Vorik thought with rejection, 'like a tourist. Would Selmar accept this?'.

He would have to either compromise himself or compromise her on some aspect, but that was a problem for the future, one he would fix eventually, not now, when he didn't know what his real wishes were.

'Perhaps solitude will help me find clarity once I'm on earth' he thought.

He reflected; his father's death T'sara had thrown herself into her work. Vorik didn't know if it was simply because all her children were ready to go study and live separately, and so she could focus more on herself or if a larger emotional imbalance had been created through her bond with Tybik just before his death.

Was work her method of distraction? Or was this simply her passion and focus on her career?

He would have to wait and observe. To keep his mind clear, to conclude on it.

He heard the door of their sun terrace opening.

'Taurik' he walked quickly to the outside to greet him.

"Brother" Vorik said. Taurik gave him a nod. Vorik hoped he didn't sound as pleased as he was internally.

Taurik was dressed for the desert, with a simple traditional tunic and sandals adequate for it. The painted glass pane leading to the outside reflected Taurik's hair and face deep red and orange, a mirror to Vorik's face. Vorik was pleased to see his brother. "I take it you received your grades" Taurik said. The statement sounded like an inquiry.

"I passed" Vorik stated. He and his brother were applying for the same organization. Comparisons would naturally be drawn from their performances and achievements. Nevertheless, this had only been an exam. He couldn't speak about his score, even if it had been exceeded his expectations, that would only draw further comparisons if he fell short in comparison to his twin.

Vorik knew that his brother had likely exceeded as well.

"I did as well." Taurik stated with humble restraint, as was expected. He looked around, looking for their mother "I don't see mother here. Is she well?"

Vorik assessed the slight undercurrent of concern in Taurik's voice, most other Vulcans' would have not caught onto that slight inflection on the 'don't'. "She is asleep in her study. It appears she spent the night in her research, her papers are in the living room and kitchen. I closed her window to ensure she didn't overheat" Vorik replied. Under normal circumstances he would have thought the question irrelevant, however, T'sara was advanced in years and while she was healthy, she could die naturally unexpectedly. Both Taurik and he had to get used to the thought. Vorik glanced briefly to the window of her study, then back at Taurik, he still had the communication number of Healer T'lek. If his mother was in any need of assistance he would call the healer. "May I help with the luggage?"

There was no other reaction from Taurik other than a slight nod as he processed the new information, Vorik knew what he would reply instantly. "No. I am capable of carrying it" Taurik said, his tone was subtly polite. He seemed to have come from his betrothed's home, she lived only 30 minutes away. Vorik understood from the undercurrent of pleasantness that he was in a good mood. They were to wed between now and 4 years and had always had a satisfying partnership. Vorik suspected that she would soon ask Taurik to marry her if there weren't any unforeseen complications. Vorik found her pleasant and amicable in the times where they had spoken or happened to see each other in the city, admittedly, he was glad that his brother had such a match even if he himself had not the same certainty for his own life.

Vorik gave him a small nod and gestured for them to walk inside. He wanted to ask his brother how difficult or easy the exam was for him, if he found any part challenging, what he thought of the other participants and general logical observations, but he held his excitement for now. Speaking more would make him seem overeager, much more when his brother was by comparison calm and much more self-contained than he was (a fact that his father had mentioned to him in more than one occasion, to his chagrin).

He usually made it a point to speak less than Taurik and be less emotive than he would usually be, to imitate his brother's calmness and reservation, even if deep down he was very aware of how different they were. His illogical pulls and his defeat in moments of emotion.

The fact they were twins and looked the same, and even chose the same area of expertise only exacerbated the matter.

He would never admit this type of gratuitous self-consciousness to anyone, if he could avoid it. He was, naturally, less equipped to handle emotional moments, no one had ever criticized his control openly, but he still felt like an impostor for the myriad of feelings and thoughts that didn't leave him even when he worked his harderst. His youth had given him many outs and people were much more understanding of any lapses in control or emotion, but he wanted to be perfect, the approximation of what perfect could be in eyes of Vulcan society even if he didn't have any like for Vulcan society as a whole. He thought that if he had those skills, and that inner peace he would be able to stand proudly and without any form of spot in what he was and who he was.

He had worked in his meditation and relaxation techniques, even neurological programming techniques, like he had heard of many Vulcan masters do but he couldn't rush a process that took all Vulcans years he hadn't lived yet.

Even a 80 year old Vulcan would be considered young by Vulcan society, and he was relatively young compared to it.

When they were younger, Taurik and he, they had spent most of their days together, but eventually the comparisons made between them and the illogical expectations created a separation. Consciously or unconsciously. It was also logical to deduce that they had both naturally grew up and their bond would not be as strong as it was when they were smaller.

He believed Taurik noticed it as well, but neither of them commented on something as illogical as that.

Perhaps others had seen it as a natural part of them growing up and finding their individual personalities, but Vorik felt a small measure of illogical discomfort about how quickly they had to distinguish themselves and the point they had to make to be treated as two different people when they started their studies.

The first week their classmates believed that he was Taurik and invited him to play. Vorik had not made any friends that week.

He was keenly aware that if they had known he was Vorik and not Taurik they would not have invited him in that immediate manner, he was not well acquaintanced with them after all.

He remembered having cut his hair shorter than Taurik with his mother's supervision, his hands hand trembled all over and he had walked to her room after dinner with it, T'sara had observed, she asked him what prompted his decision to cut his hair, he told her that Taurik and he looked too much alike to be differenced and she had sighed, later she helped him polish what he had done, her hands were cold and gentle. When he was 12 he specifically asked his mother to buy them different colored clothing after they began their education at the Vulcan Domes, by the age of 16 they usually spent most of their time together climbing or hiking but they no longer spoke like they had before.

He shook himself out of the memories and followed Taurik inside. A sense of strange loss followed him as he did, he looked to the visible back of his twin brother's head, his hair was black and lustrous, not a single hair was out of place. He thought that perhaps his emotions had begun to corrode his control, and that his father's death had damaged him psychology to such a point where he would attribute negative emotions to positive actions and plans. He wanted to call the healer, but he did not want to worry his family. He also did not want to admit to such a weakness. No, he would deal with this own his own, even if his neurology was uncommonly depressed there would be common practices he could follow without drawing attention himself as if he was some sick emotional patient. Not when Taurik was so well adjusted, not when he was so near his dream. A deep isolation filled his tired nerves like cold rushing water. He steeled himself against it.

Chapter Text

The academy classes started 3 months later. The transporter to earth was uncomfortable, narrow, but it had all he needed; he travelled a full month on it with Taurik. Sharing his space had probably only added to the discomfort, but he was pleased to have company. He and his brother spoke about the academy at length, re-read their information of earth culture and steeled themselves in for whatever challenges that may arise.

The transport left them at the rendezvous point. They walked to the academy, even from afar the campus was astronomically big. The architecture was obviously human, made for a wetter, colder environment. Taurik was beside him, also observing. A rush of new students passed them by, humans in their majority.

A human woman dropped her papers, huffed, dropped to her left knee and started to pick them up. Vorik turned to look at Taurik. The etiquette was clearly to help her with the papers but the woman looked so extremely stressed and angry that it unsettled him. He had never seen anyone emote so extremely in public, she looked in a Vulcan's perspective like a mental patient, no Vulcan would ever emote this way without being told to go to a correctional or rehabilitation center, his cousin worked in one, if he remembered correctly, and he would be the one to treat rogue patients and help them in the path to a sane psychology and emotional stability. Taurik waited for a few seconds more and went to help her with the papers. Vorik followed, maintaining a distance from this alien being.

“Thank you. God, I'm so clumsy!” she said, embarrassed, pulling her ashy brown hair out of her face. Her eyes were striking blue, another terran feature.

The shade of blue intrigued him. It looked like the oceans of Raal in the afternoon, before the mist and powerful sun began to set orange reflections. ‘God, another human phrase, she is not invoking her god, it's simply a human manner of speech’ Vorik reminded himself, slightly overwhelmed by all the new things he had to remind himself and learn. Humans in Vulcan acted very differently from humans that lived in earth.

“It was only logical.” Taurik stated, which meant that it would have been illogical to not help someone in distress, who was also disturbing their path.

She dryly replied with a simple “Yeah,” not meeting Taurik’s eyes. That Vorik to question if she was being sarcastic, despite the situation not warranting it. She clearly hadn't liked his tone of voice, Vorik didn't understand why that would be. Vorik shot Taurik a perplexed expression. 'Is this normal?' Vorik questioned. Taurik was also confused, by the way his eyebrow had scrunched slightly.

The woman was surprised as Vorik passed her another of her papers, her gaze turned up for a moment, softened up. “Thank you.” she looked at them for a moment, Vulcan twins. Vorik understood what she must have been thinking. She walked off in the same stressed manner, or was she just embarrassed? Reading humans was complex. It seemed simple at first sight, but underneath there always seemed to be more, pity covering disgust, disgust covering fear, fear covering desire. Strange. Human emotions were unsettlingly changeable.

‘Did she injure herself?’ Vorik looked at her ankle, her pants covered most of it, but he could see that her movements were strange. Humans acted differently when they were injured as well, he had read, they would emote extremely, would act in anger, embarrassment or show irritability, perhaps she had been injured since the beginning. That surprised him, perhaps he would have to read more about humans, clearly his perception was not completely accurate.

Chapter Text

Night had dawned on earth and Vorik could feel himself growing colder. Taurik was sitting beside him, Vorik's roommate hadn't arrived, and wouldn't, perhaps, for at least a week.

"I was assigned a human" Taurik spoke Vulcan, their own dialect, coming from Raal. A flicker of ambivalence grew in his expression.

Vorik was surprised, this meant he wanted to talk about something private. He studied Taurik's expression, "What is their name?" Vorik assumed for a moment that it would be male, but that wasn't necessarily so.

"Sam Lavelle" Taurik replied with a shade of tension. He looked dissatisfied, by the tightness around his lips. "I met him a few hours prior, when I went to the office alone to ask about my accommodations. The conversation was unexpectedly...negative."

'Sam Lavelle, what does the name mean? Humans sometimes do not have their names chosen by their meaning. Sam, that is a very common human name, is it not?' Vorik thought, making an image of what Taurik would have to deal with for a whole year, it would certainly be a challenge, Taurik specifically did not enjoy having his space disrupted, human impoliteness grated him. Though amongst them two Taurik was the best one at decoding terran social ques.

hat brought his mind to another subject. The smell. They begun to take the proper pills to avoid the force of the natural scent humans emitted and he was warned of a week before. Vorik supposed he would also have to deal with it, in more concentration when he would be going to class or participating in physical activities with humans, but he could always get more pills.

Vorik paused, 'Sam, that is a gender-neutral name, but the way Taurik is reacting...'. He would not ask a useless question; he knew that his brother was also aware that first impressions usually lasted for a long time, and it went unsaid that Taurik thought negatively of this 'Sam Lavelle' in his own way.

"Who were you assigned with?" Taurik asked.

"A human male, as well" Vorik replied, sympathizing.

"Is there a rule we cannot share quarters with female humans?" Taurik asked, he seemed curious, even skeptical.

Vorik was confused, why was Taurik interested? He sensed there was much more to this than his brother had told him. He didn't want to pry into his brother's matters. Vorik thought of it and made his best guess, having read some of human culture. "There is none, but gender divisions are seen as wise due to the posible sexual relationships and loss of time involved" he replied, "Only married couples are assigned together compulsorily, I believe, for the same reasons, to avoid illicit relationships outside of their partnership. Changes of quarters can be questioned due to it."

"I could ask a reassignment" Taurik said, thinking deeply. He was looking at his PADD. Vorik read over his shoulder, he was reading the rules of the academy from start to finish.

"Yes" Vorik was curious, what had Sam Lavelle done to upset his brother? In just a few minutes he had created a negative impression. Usually, Taurik created good impressions with Vulcan peers, Vorik was usually the least likeable amongst them two, if Vorik was honest with himself.

"I will not ask for it unless it is necessary" Taurik said, "But in the event that the situation becomes inhospitable can I petition the counselor for a room assignment to your quarters?"

"Yes. That is a logical plan, where it necessary" Vorik replied, hoping to reassure his brother of his support. Taurik's shoulders relaxed. Changing rooms would make things easier, certainly, and he wouldn't begrudge his brother it, if he were to need it, but he also wanted to have a roommate experience with a human, even if it ended up being stressful or disgusting at times. He could bear it if it satisfied his curiosity and then he would move on to other things. He wanted to experience other cultures and ways of being, not because it was easy, nor would be easy. He did not want a life of leisure. "I also believe it would be unwise to be partnered in a room with a female of other species. They have a different culture, and that could lead to misunderstandings." he warned subtly, bringing back the matter, hoping his brother would clarify.

The fact that they were here to study, and also betrothed did not escape him.

Taurik did not appear troubled. "I am not attracted to, nor feel any biological compulsion towards them. I believe females may also have a personality that is more aligned with Vulcan ideal, there they could likely become a better assigned roommate."

Vorik was startled. Taurik did not see it as a possible temptation into failure of logic, if human females, like Taurik had said, were more aligned with Vulcan ideals then it would go to follow that a cohabitation with one could lead a strong bond, and their bond with their betrothed would become weaker over time leading to an unconscious dissolvement.

Vorik was warned by his family about the fact that Vulcans who went away had their logic impaired. He had some of his male cousins advise him to avoid any breaches of trust.

Logic was a conscious exercise upon the mind, not an ability that Vulcans were inherently born with, they only had the capacity to affect their brain and suppress their emotions to some extent with meditation, but it was clear that they were capable of mistakes if that logic wasn't enforced continuously.

His mother was half human, there were also figures in history, like Spock of house Schn T'gai, and Sarek who were a proof that Vulcans could at times bond with other species deeply. In Vulcan too he had heard of many unusual pairings.

Did Taurik not see this as a problem? was Vorik being too cautious? Vorik thought deeply. Not sure if he was being dramatic or simply prudent.

"Nonetheless, they may feel a compulsion towards you." Vorik said, not wanting to emphasize that they were a fourth human and could possibly be more easily subjected to emotional connection, even emotional manipulation. He did not feel any sort of physical desire to the date, he was not hormonally ready for it. Still, Vorik thought that tempting their biology was unwise, they were not completely Vulcan, and any sort of reactions and emotions could occur. "I have read their dating rules, there is a concept, 'premarital cohabitation', which leads me to believe that they may find living with a male to have romantic undertones"

"But if I were romantically attracted to males then that would make the argument illogical" Taurik countered, "And the idea of segregation between genders void"

"Indeed, it would, nonetheless, you were asked your personal sexual preferences regarding gender, which I believe are why there is a separation. Since you, I suppose, marked that you are primarily attracted to females, then the only logical choice for the establishment is to pair you with a male" Vorik explained. Though he also had the same thoughts regarding the segregation of genders, in Vulcan there was little distinction between, until the age of 7 he had not understood that there was a hormonal difference between him and his female cousins of the same age. He was 9 when his parents explained to him why he was betrothed to Selmar, and even then, the topic had been talked about scientifically, and after that he did not ask again, partly because he was disinterested, partly because he did not think it was proper to ask again about an already explained intimate topic that had brought him disconcerting feelings about his future. When he marked that he was primarily attracted to females, it was only because he was betrothed to Selmar, and Vulcan sexuality was different than human sexuality. Taurik and him, had not, and would not experience that psychological phenomenon until they were 21 to 40 years old, they were only 17 now, and it would largely depend upon how psychologically and emotionally bonded they would be to the person. Generally speaking, Vorik did not fully know how things would affect them, their biology was not entirely Vulcan. The academy must have been aware of that, but he supposed the tests were standardized to have it registered. Vorik contemplated how to proceed. "I believe that the matter is not about completely eliminating a risk but of lowering it within the demands of cohabitation of Starfleet. It would be wise to re-read the document again" he said finally, after a few moments of silence.

"Indeed" Taurik's eyebrows shot up with surprise and intrigue.

Vorik thought of it all. Taurik was silent, thinking, about what Vorik did not know, but he would stop speaking to his brother about the subject now that he had given his opinion.

He had heard of some Vulcan males coming into their age during pon farr, or nearing it, and realizing that they were not attracted to their bonded one and a rejection would happen this usually did not happen because the priestesses' bond in the bonding matrix and the length of the relationship should be strong enough to arouse the proper hormonal reactions, regardless of any sense of 'attraction' or deep affection to anyone else. But the bonding had to be enforced and shielded, many Vulcan couples needed to do the ritual of rebinding while betrothed.

Selmar and him had never gone to a priestess to rebind, it had not been necessary then, and it would not be now with the knowledge of how unsure their future as mates was.

The idea of 'attraction' was alien to him, and he was sure that humans did not understand that Vulcans were helped and guided to only show these reactions to who they were committed to, especially Vulcan men, who were at times particularly judged and dissected if they did not go through the bonding as expected.

The idea of 'love at first sight' was inexistent in Vulcan dictionaries in the traditional sense a human would use it.

Vorik was intrigued the idea of it, psychologically and scientifically speaking, as a strong hormonal reaction, but he dreaded that he would feel that one day, for his betrothed, or any other person.

Love, or any other emotional that was overwhelming enough to make him lose his control was his worst nightmare, coveting something he could not have realistically was his second, becoming mad was his third.

All logical fears, he believed.