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It was days like this when Ian realised just how complicated it was that he was fucking his boss.
Part of him had always known it was, but he hadn’t wanted to let it ruin what they had. What they had was special, and unique, and theirs . No one else’s. Ian wanted to scream it from the rooftops, to tell everyone that he and Kash were together and that he was the most amazing person.
But he didn’t.
Kash made it very clear between gentle touches that even though he loved Ian, other people wouldn’t understand. They’d try to tell him it was wrong when it wasn’t. Keeping it a secret from his family wasn’t hard. As long as he was paying his share of the bills and staying out of trouble, the rest of the Gallaghers mostly left him alone. Ironically the one who paid him the most attention was Frank, and that was only when he felt like using Ian as a punching bag or Ian got in between him and alcohol.
These last few months with Kash had been some of the best of his life. He was finally the most important person in someone’s life. There was another person who cared about him, and did everything he could to take care of him. When Ian let slip that his trainers had a hole in them and Fiona couldn’t afford to have them replaced, Kash had presented him with a new pair the very next day, no questions asked. Ian had grinned from ear to ear, grabbing Kash and kissing him deeply, wanting to express his gratitude but unsure how he would ever be able to repay the older man.
He realized quite quickly that Linda kept Kash deprived of the fun things in life, and he spent hours creating him the perfect mixtape on a USB he slipped into Kash’s pocket the next time they worked together, his fingers casually brushing against the older man’s groin as he did so, smirking when it brought a blush to his face.
There were days when Ian wished he could tell someone about them. Wished he could share the most wonderful man in his life with his family. He saw couples at school, holding hands in public and trying to devour each others’ faces with how deeply they were kissing. It wasn’t fair that just because Kash was a little bit older and had a wife it meant they had to hide. He knew that Kash wanted to be with him. Had heard the older man whisper as much in his ear when they were able to have a quiet moment to themselves.
When Lip found out it felt as though the world was ending. It took far too long to reassure Kash that his brother wasn’t going to tell anyone about them. He hadn’t expected the older man to be so angry, but he told himself it was just because Kash was scared that Linda would force them to break up. He was protecting them by being cross. Ian would make sure Lip didn’t say anything, and they would continue to be together. They just had to be more careful.
Kash was the one who comforted him after Mickey Milkovich had burst into the store exclaiming loudly that Ian was a dead man. He wrapped his arms around Ian tightly, tangling a hand in his hair and pressing lips against his forehead. Ian felt the tension leave his body as his anxiety melted away, taking comfort from the safety of his boyfriend’s arms. Kash smuggled him into the back of his truck, promising to come back the second he got rid of Mickey.
As they drove back to the Gallagher house in silence, Kash rubbed circles into Ian’s upper thigh soothingly. Ian’s heart was still racing, thoughts entirely focused on what he was going to do about the target on his back, but the feeling of Kash’s hand grounded him, and he felt confident enough to lean over and give the older man a kiss on the cheek before he hopped out of the truck, trusting in the cover of darkness to keep their secret.
The cameras had been an unexpected blow. He supposed it wasn’t that surprising. Shoplifting had only been getting worse since Mickey had come back to town, and Linda was nothing if not painfully obsessive over her inventory. Kash had discreetly squeezed Ian’s hand under the counter the day the cameras had gone up. A wordless promise that they would find a way around this.
It was Ian’s idea to adjust the camera so they could keep their secret. He practically jumped off the ladder and attached himself to Kash the second the camera had been moved. There was a scramble to remove clothing, hands trailing across bare chests, Ian’s lips pressing open mouth kisses to the back of Kash’s neck as he readied the older man as slowly as he dared. It had been a few days and he knew he wasn’t going to last long, but wanted to make it as enjoyable for the both of them as he could. Needing to prove he wasn’t upset with Kash over the cameras. To prove he didn’t believe it was the older man’s fault.
Neither of them noticed when the camera fell back into position.
Ian’s cheek stung from the slap he received from Linda the day she found out he’d been screwing her husband. He couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t fire him. Refuse to entertain her words that he could do better. He saw the way Kash was hurting and wanted nothing more than to go to him, to kiss away his pain and assure him he wasn’t going anywhere.
He hadn’t realized how lonely it would be once Kash started pulling away. The older man was too scared of his wife to risk touching Ian until she was pregnant. Ian’s heart thumped painfully in his chest and his skin tingled with anticipation whenever they brushed past each other, expecting Kash to reach out with a gentle hand across his back or a quick squeeze of his ass, but nothing ever came.
He wondered if that was why he slept with Mickey.
The thought of having sex with Mickey Milkovich wasn’t one that he’d ever entertained. He’d always assumed the other boy was straight, and was positive he’d have been beaten to a pulp if it was ever discovered by Mickey that Ian was gay. But something changed as they were fighting over that tire iron. He’s not sure at what point it became clear to him that the tension between them was more sexual in nature, but when he looked up from where Mickey was straddling him he knew he wanted to bend the boy over and pound him into the mattress. He was only slightly surprised when that was exactly what happened a few minutes later.
Things were much more complicated after that.
He still loved Kash, and part of him came to the realization that he always would.
But then there was Mickey.
Mickey, who came to the store and walked directly into the freezer, not bothering to check if Ian was following him but knowing without a doubt that he would be.
Mickey, who pretty much refused to acknowledge Ian even existed at any other point, but would flop down next to him without a word and allow their sides to press together while sitting on the couch with Mandy.
Mickey, who was without a doubt the most amazing fuck Ian had ever had.
It had taken Kash shooting Mickey in the leg for Ian to see him in a different light. The older man had told the cops that he’d just been defending his property against the Milkovich boy, and it came as no surprise to anyone that Mickey had landed in juvie, seemingly because of a snickers bar, though Ian knew it was because of him. He did this. He was unfaithful to Kash and had cheated on him with Mickey. It was no wonder the older man had finally snapped.
Honestly, it was a relief that summer when Kash walked out of his life for good. He could’ve done without being the one to have to break the news to Linda, but he’d hated watching as Kash took his latest hook-up into the walk-in freezer. Hated knowing that while he sat and minded the store, Kash was getting fucked by some other man. Someone else was making him feel the way Ian used to. Mickey was still in juvie, and who knew if he’d even want to see Ian once he was out. Maybe he wouldn’t, not after everything that had happened. Not after it was Ian’s fault he’d gone into juvie in the first place.
When Kash had left, Ian found himself wanting to run after him, to beg him to stay. He’d been the first man Ian had ever loved, and despite everything he knew that Kash had loved him back. What they’d had was fleeting, but it was special.
No one would ever be able to take that away.
Years later, after a bipolar diagnosis, after stints in jail and POs from hell, after dead homophobic fathers and a wedding that had been theirs , Ian was surprised when Mickey was the one to bring up their earlier hook-ups at the Kash & Grab.
They were lounging in their bed one lazy weekend, naked and catching their breath after proving their love for each other once again. Ian had an arm under Mickey’s head and was running a hand up and down his husband’s torso, relishing in the feel of the other man’s skin beneath his touch. Mickey had tangled their left hands together, bringing a grin to Ian’s face each time he heard the soft ting of their matching wedding rings bouncing off each other.
“Do you remember fucking me so hard against those damned metal frames in the back of the store I had them imprinted on my stomach for hours?” asked Mickey, breaking the silence.
“Why are you bringing that up now?” replied Ian, leaning over slightly and pressing a kiss to Mickey’s bare shoulder.
“You got me feeling a bit nostalgic, Gallagher. What with it being our wedding anniversary and all.”
Ian said nothing, taking comfort in the silence that fell between them. He knew Mickey would want an answer, but the truth was he didn’t often think back about their time at the shop. He liked the way their life was now, and thinking about those kids who had it so tough was sometimes more upsetting than anything.
“Everything okay?”
Ian turned his head so he was face to face with his husband, the look of genuine love reflected back at him was sometimes too much to bear.
“I’m fine,” he said softly, leaning over and pressing his lips gently to Mickey’s, a barely there peck to reassure him that there was nothing wrong. He should have known it wouldn’t work. Mickey moved so he was laying on his side, his hand coming to rest on Ian’s chest.
“You know you’re a terrible liar.”
“I’m a perfectly fine liar,” replied Ian, feigning offense.
“Not even close.” Mickey kept his voice low, his fingers tracing featherlight patterns into Ian’s skin.
Ian barely ever felt as content as he did when it was just the two of them, alone, hiding from the rest of the world. Nobody else existed. Not their families, not their past. It was just them, and the love they felt for each other.
“I guess you mentioning the Kash & Grab, it just brought up some things I haven’t thought about in a long time,” said Ian finally.
“Thinking about that pedophile you used to fuck?”
At Mickey’s words Ian sat straight up, shrugging off the other boy’s touch and running a hand over his face.
“He wasn’t a pedophile, Mick,” he said, feeling the familiar need to defend his relationship with Kash bubble to the surface. “We were in love.”
Mickey sat up too, placing a gentle hand on Ian’s lower back, reminding him so much of when Kash used to do the same.
“He was in his forties, married, and fucking a 15 year old,” replied Mickey. “That’s the literal definition of a pedophile.”
“You don’t understand!” cried Ian. “No one ever understands.”
“I understand the son of a bitch shot me because you were putting your dick up my ass instead of his,” replied Mickey matter-of-factly.
“That’s not what happened,” said Ian softly, but he knew his husband was right. He just didn’t want to admit it.
Mickey must have sensed that, as he wrapped his arms around Ian and pulled him backwards so they were laying down, except this time with Ian’s head resting on the shorter man’s chest. Mickey tangled a hand in Ian’s hair, gently massaging his scalp, and his other hand ran slowly up and down Ian’s arm.
“I’m sorry I brought it up,” he said. “What happened back then wasn’t your fault. Kash manipulated you into fucking him, and he deserves to be dead in a ditch somewhere because of it.” Mickey paused a moment before continuing, “okay maybe not dead in a ditch but at the very least he should be in jail.”
Ian said nothing, the sensation of his husband’s fingers carding softly through his hair making him drowsy. He closed his eyes, burrowing deeper into Mickey’s chest and throwing an arm across his waist.
“I love you, Ian.” He felt Mickey’s lips pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
They were silent for a long time. Mickey, running his fingers through Ian’s hair and Ian thinking hard about what his husband had said. He’d always looked back on his time with Kash through rose-tinted glasses. Being with the older man had made those months bearable, and he couldn’t imagine not having loved him. But how much of his time with Kash had shaped the way he’d approached relationships for years?
“Stop thinking so hard,” said Mickey, breaking the silence once again. “You survived him, and now you get to spend the rest of your life with the hottest piece of ass you’ve ever had.”
Ian grinned, running his foot along the underside of Mickey’s calf.
“Hottest piece of ass I’ve ever had?”
“Name one guy you’ve been with that’s hotter than me.”
Ian moved quickly, straddling Mickey and pinning his arms above his head.
“I can think of a few,” he said, smirking.
When Mickey opened his mouth to protest, Ian dove in and swallowed his response, bringing their lips together and grinding his hips, eliciting a low moan from his husband.
“Fuck you, Gallagher,” said Mickey when they broke apart.
“I’d rather fuck you,” replied Ian, and he captured Mickey’s lips in another searing kiss, pushing all thoughts of problematic ex-boyfriends out of his head, and focusing solely on the husband beneath him, still not quite believing just how lucky he was that they were free to be together.