Chapter Text
The ice had always been there. The ice is all he has ever known. The cold sticks to his pale skin, pulling him in with its comforting chill. The ice is his home. The ice is where his heart lies. The ice is where he is at his best. The ice is the one thing that will never leave him… So, how did Ajax fall in love with the sun? Painfully thawing his frozen limbs, but letting him bask in the sunlight.
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Let it be known, that Ajax was not stupid. He was actually pretty smart. Yet to most people, he was just a pretty face, a pretty talented figure skater, and a child prodigy who was supposed to take the world by storm and become the next big thing, the next Rhinedottir, or the next Mosier Neuvillette, the next figure skater who would go down in history as one of the greats. When talking about the greatest figure skaters in history, Ajax's name would be among them. Ever since his first competition, everyone knew he was destined for it. But thinking your destiny is a given, if enough people say it is, is a mistake to avoid, and you'd do well not to forget, that a simple flap of a butterfly's wings can change the course of your destiny forever.
Much like how a series of unlikely coincidences guided him to his path, a series of unlikely coincidences will be the ones to push him off.
Getting recruited by the Fatui was the best thing to have ever happened to Ajax, or at least that's what he thought when he was too naïve to know better. They are known as the biggest figure skating organization in Snezhnaya. Since Snezhnaya is largely known as the land of ice and snow, ice skating has always been a big part of Snezhnayan culture. In Snezhnaya there is no bigger honor than being a figure skater, which is why so many kids dream of being figure skaters when they grow up. Fatui has dominated figure skating since before the Snezhnayan empire was a thing. It's deeply rooted in hundreds of years of culture. In the olden days, only the aristocracy were allowed to figure skate for Fatui, the lower classes used skating as a way to get around the frozen lakes stretching across a large part of Snezhnaya. In the last century, they have opened their doors for students outside of the social elites and opened up many figure skating schools across the nation. While these schools are under fatui they are individually run and anyone can get in. The real deal, however, is Fatui's boarding school.
Every year, Fatui holds tryouts for kids from ages 5-8, in every province, with the prize for winning being a place in their boarding school. The chances of winning one, are so minuscule you're more likely to find out you're related to the queen than get a place. Out of almost one and a half million kids that apply every year only 83 make it into Fatui. So with those odds, how did Ajax, a country bumpkin, with no relation to a figure skating school end up as one of the lucky 83. To be honest, to this day he has no idea, if he believed in god he'd say it was an act of god, if he was a gambling man he'd bet on his luck, but Ajax was neither of those things, so he believes, it really was just a series of coincidences that would be unlikely to happen ever again.
Out of the 83 kids who make it in every year, only around 60 make it to the 5 year mark. That of course doesn't mean they die, goodness knows even Ajax's parents wouldn't have sent him to fatui if that was the case, or at least that's what he tells himself.
Some kids just can't handle the pressure, the harsh training, being away from their families, or a mix of all of these things. Some people have commented that staying at Fatui is equal to selling your soul to the devil. That is to say, you'll get what you asked for, but it will cost you. And when you're old, looking back on your life, you realize everything you lost, everything you never even got to have, and maybe you'll regret it.
Regardless, of whether you'll regret it or not, the Fatui offers only the highest quality of skaters. Most notable of all are their top 11 figure skaters named after war heroes of the olden days known as the Harbingers. The Harbingers are at the top of the top, and just about everyone at Fatui wants to be a part of the Harbingers. When kids fantasize about the most outlandish of their dreams, they are Harbingers. Harbingers are like the pillars Snezhnayan society is built upon. They are the celebrities of Snezhnaya. Everyone and their grandma's dog knows who the Harbingers are. Even the most backwater of villages have heard of the Harbingers.
But it isn't easy to achieve. You'd have slightly more luck becoming a Harbinger than becoming the Pope, on account of there being 12 seats. Most people who reach the title are either younger than 18, with lots of energy and no major injuries, allowing them to skate at a higher level even with not as many years under their belt. Or the other type of people who reach the status, are in their last competitive years, with countless medals under their belt and years of experience to back it up. While the seat order used to be extremely important, when the seats used to determine much of the aristocracy's standing, when seats were often occupied by the same person for decades, nowadays figure skaters hold their seat for an average of 7 years before retiring. Seats are assigned based on which seat is open when you are chosen to become a Harbinger, rather than your talent as a figure skater. Because of that, all seats are usually filled, but last season the 6th harbinger retired, and Fatui has yet to appoint a replacement, so there is an empty seat.
The competition of getting to Harbinger status is cutthroat and the training to even be considered for such a role is so harsh that even if you did make it, you might have to retire soon after because you pushed your body too far. But usually, if you can keep your seat for longer than one season you'll likely get to keep it for a while. That's why all eyes are always on the newest harbinger. And after their first season, they are regarded as much part of the Harbingers as the person who was there longest.
And once you make it, you are at the top of the food chain. There is no bigger predator, other than your own body and mind that is.
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Ajax was Harbinger. And even with the whole deck stacked against him, he was still the youngest person to ever gain the rank of Harbinger. While it seemed impossible, at the ripe age of 15, he was the youngest person to win an Olympic gold in the senior men's singles division. He skated his personal best and broke multiple world records, previously held by other Harbingers. And it wasn't even just by a hair's breath, almost all of the records he set still stand undefeated. And because of many other achievements from his junior days, he was appointed by the director, to become the next Harbinger. And so he was given the 11th seat and awarded the name Tartaglia. He became the youngest Harbinger in the history of Fatui, beating out the previous holders of that title by almost two whole years. Pantalone and Dottore never quite forgave him. (In all truth when Ajax saw the performance that got them their seats, he had goosebumps for days, it was one of the most incredible routines he's ever seen. But this isn't about them, or their incredible skating, it's about how Ajax's life turned to ruin in the span of a week.)
Ajax was a child prodigy, the most talented figure skater of the generation, they called him. So where did it go wrong? Well, he also asks himself that question a lot.
The moment his whole life started crumbling, bit by bit, started a few days before Snezhnayan nationals. While that was when he noticed it, it had been crumbling for years, waiting for an opportunity to fall apart completely.
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When he woke up it had been like every other day. They had Snezhnayan nationals in a couple of days so he'd showed up to practice earlier than usual hoping to start the month off well. When he entered the skating rink however most of his rink mates were already there, which was weird. As a Harbinger ajax trained more than all his peers by default. While it was uncommon for a Harbinger to be demoted back to just a regular fatui skater it wasn't unheard of, so he trained, because if he lagged behind for just a second there were a few hundred skaters ready to go right for the throat.
He shares the ice with 3 other brilliant skaters, who are all Harbinger candidates. While they're never outright hostile towards him, it would be in their best interest if Ajax was out of the picture. But given that there is currently an empty seat among the Harbingers, they have been on dare he say, friendly terms. So if they all showed up to train earlier than usual, he thinks they would have invited him too. Or maybe they just knew Ajax would be here anyway so there was no need to invite him. As he walked closer to the rink to start doing his warm-ups he noticed the chilly atmosphere, and it didn't seem to be because of the ice. Even weirder instead of the ever present quiet chatter, it was totally quiet. And upon further notice, his rink mates were just standing around, not warming up, not training, just standing there, looking at him like he grew a second head. It felt as though they were judging him, but he certainly hadn't done anything that could have offended them in the 10 hours since they saw each other last, considering he was sleeping for 8 of those and stretching and doing personal hygiene for the remaining two. A feeling of unease started to creep up his spine.
He ran through a mental checklist of everything he could have forgotten to do yet nothing came to mind. His mind came up with all the reasons his rink mates could be here this early, and looking at him this cold. But he came up blank. Then he relaxed, he was pretty sure he knew what this was about. The empty seat of the Harbingers was probably filled, and now, they were once again in competition with Ajax, and each other. It was a shame, he will miss the friendly locker room chats they sometimes had, but it couldn't be helped. He was almost worried there for a second.
He started on his warm up, there was no use crying over spilled milk when there was training to be done. However, before he could even put his stuff down a woman he had never seen before approached him. It wasn't unusual for people he didn't recognize to be at the rink, but it was unusual for them to be anything other than a silent observer. "Ah, Mr. Tartaglia. I'm here on behalf of the Fatui's PR team. My name is Ekaterina. You're quite a hard man to get ahold of. We've been trying to contact you since yesterday ever since… the thing got released." she said rather awkwardly avoiding Ajax's gaze, if he didn't know any better he'd say her cheeks were tinted red.
Ajax racked his brain. The thing? What thing? As if on cue his brain started working overtime to think of all the things he had done that could have got the attention of the Fatui's PR team. He supposes he had done a few things in his life that could cause a minor scandal if they got out but none of them are all that recent. Looking at Ekaterina, she seemed hesitant to even mention whatever thing this was about. As if just saying it might summon a demon or something. He thought harder, but still came up with nothing. So he decided to ask, in very intelligent words worthy of a Harbinger, exactly what he was thinking. "What thing?"
He must admit the look on her face was quite funny, she looked extremely confused, like he had just asked her who the Harbingers were. She took a look around the room probably taking notice of his rink mates and said "If you'd follow me to somewhere more private perhaps." Ajax felt his stomach drop to his feet. If she wants to talk in private something's definitely horribly wrong. Nothing good ever happens if somebody from PR is looking for you personally. Nothing like this has ever happened to him before, he's not like Dottore who gets in a different scandal every other week. His image is of the unproblematic talented boy next door. Getting in a scandal, of any kind, could cost him his unproblematic image, so he's always been very careful with doing things the public might not entirely like. The only thing he can really think about is how he drinks sometimes, but even then he does it in the comfort of his own apartment. Not that he has time for it anyway.
"I suppose I have an hour before my training officially starts..." he said glancing over to the clock. But before the representative could respond his coach appeared. Even if subconsciously, he relaxed a bit. His coach, Skirk, always knows what to do. She was his coach when he became a Harbinger. She shaped him into the skater he is today. She was always there, ready to give advice, to correct his posture or moves, and stayed after training if he asked. In a weird way younger Ajax thought of her as a mother figure, that is not something he'd ever tell anyone let alone her, but after the letters from his family stopped coming, years after he saw his mother last, and he could no longer remember her face, it was replaced by Skirk's proud face after he did something right. But then the year he became a Harbinger she retired, left Snezhnaya altogether and Ajax was transferred to somebody else. He never made that mistake again, but even to this day if he tries to think of his mother, only Skirk's face appears.
She was a figure skater of the highest caliber, she made waves and showed the world a woman could skate just as well as a man. She refused to join the Harbingers, because she wanted to have her legacy stand on its own. And she achieved it. Almost two decades after she retired from skating, people still point to her legacy when they want to show a strong independent female skater. After she retired she returned to fatui to teach the next generation, then she retired for six years and returned from retirement around two years ago to take on a couple of students, him included. She's a pretty harsh coach and she expects them to be perfect on the ice, but she's never malicious. She listens, she helps, and as long as someone puts in the effort, she's willing to match it. If there is a problem, she knows how to fix it. She's always taken care of his and her other students' careers. Taking care of her students' careers is how Skirk shows she cares. In the years she's taught him, Ajax has always been able to rely on her.
Yet this time as she approached him, she seemed colder. Not her usual cold she puts up to pretend she doesn't care, instead it seemed as though her gaze was shutting him out. He hated how much that look reminded him of how his mother looked at him, after.
When she reached them she gave a polite nod to the representative, then she turned to Ajax and said "What the actual fuck were you thinking?!" She yelled in a calm tone that sounded like she was always angry at the world, and Ajax did something to show her just how much she hated it. She got close to him, teeth practically bared, and poked him in his chest. She looked at him like he tore down her legacy. "You might as well have gone steaking in front of the FUCKING palace, while you were at it. Have you gone completely insane? Do you even get this won't only affect you? Do you realize what this will mean, for-" she trailed off for a moment as if there was something she wanted to say but couldn't in front of other people, but before he could dwell on it any longer she continued on her tirade, "You better fucking hope we can get your shit sorted out, and don't come back until you do, ya hear me, boy?" Skirk sounded almost raw in a way he hadn't ever heard her. Like Ajax had done something that would get people killed. But that wasn't what made him pause. What made him do a double-take was her words. Don't get him wrong, she has definitely sent Ajax to sort out administrative things once or twice when someone came looking, but usually, if it was so soon before a competition shed kindly tell the representative where to shove their papers. Skirk's priority with all her skaters is keeping their careers alive. So if she's telling him to sort it out instead of training for a competition...
He was so confused, and he could feel a pit forming in his stomach. This all felt like a nightmare come true. And worst of all he still didn't know what was going on. And he was not going to wait for another second to find out, it couldn't be that bad, if he was left in the dark a moment longer he will start catastrophizing. The representative seemed she probably wouldn't tell him what was going on even if he asked. But Skirk, Skirk had very little filter, she said everything like it was, no sugarcoating. And right now that's what he needed, to accurately assess the situation so he can stop this train of thought before it started going full speed. Trying to force some of his usual calmness into his voice he asked "Uh sorry, coach, miss Ekaterina," They both looked at him so he continued, "I don't actually know what you are talking about, either of you," he said trying to sound more confident then he felt.
In all his years being trained by Skirk, he has never seen her look… bewildered. The aura Skirk gave off was that of someone who has seen it all and there is nothing that can surprise her. Like she could be told aliens were invading and she'd just go "Okay, and?" So when he saw the look on her face, his heart sank so low it was probably underground. "You're telling me you haven't seen the video circulating on the tweeter or whatever you kids call it?" Asked Skirk, her voice getting closer to concern than the calm anger of before.
For the first time in his entire life, he regrets not getting addicted to technology. But it's not as if he'd have time to watch videos, between training and sleeping there was barely time for Ajax to do things for himself. And for anything other than the absolute necessities, there is no place in his schedule. Tartaglia has a media presence, though. There is an Instagram with just the best of his pictures, but he just isn't behind anything the account posts. It's run by Fatui's extensive PR team. Most of the time they don't ask him if he was okay with what they did post. Not that it would change anything if they did ask, he'd just say he didn't really care. Which is true, he trusts Fatui's PR to not paint him in a bad light on his own Instagram. But other than a few accounts managed by the PR team he wasn't on social media. And apparently, neither Skirk nor the representative knew that. He supposes it is true that most Harbingers have secret accounts in addition to their main accounts, but he just doesn't.
"There is a video of you making out with a guy in a gay bar," said Skirk.
Those were definitely not the words he was expecting to come out of her mouth, in fact, the ridiculousness of the sentence almost made him burst out laughing. It's not that there is something wrong with being gay, it's just that... he never did that. In fact, he has never been to a bar before, straight or gay. And he certainly hasn't made out with anyone. Ajax has never even kissed anyone. "What?" Was the only thing that could come out of his mouth as it suddenly felt dry. Involuntarily, his mouth started quirking up in a smile that probably looked deranged. This had to be a joke. The world started spinning as the implications of what this could mean for his reputation and therefore his career.
He took a breath. This was definitely a joke. It couldn't be anything else.
Being gay still generally wasn't accepted in Snezhnaya. As of right now, Snezhnaya is considered one of the most conservative countries out there. Being gay wasn't illegal anymore, but unless someone wanted to be an outcast they really shouldn't tell people. Telling a single person could be all it takes for it to spread. And suddenly the whole school knows of the faggot living in that one dorm around the corner. Don't train with him. 'Don't go near, or you'll catch it.' 'You're not wanted here.' And suddenly, they're ostracized. The younger kids throw snowballs at them. And the older ones strong-arm them. Nobody will even care if they just died. The school would rejoice. Ajax is ashamed to say he was one of the kids throwing snowballs, before he knew better. Back when the word of his teachers was gospel. In his first year at fatui, an older student got outed. He killed himself later that year. Ajax didn't get how messed up it was back then. But once he realized, he was like that too, he also realized nobody could ever know. Which is exactly what he was going to do. Never tell a soul, abstain from relationships till the end of his figure skating career, and then move to a more accepting country like Mondstat.
But he hadn't done anything to expose himself, he had never gone to a gay bar nor had he kissed anyone. So... so why is this happening to him? He hadn't done anything. He hadn't told anyone. He didn't write it down anywhere. He didn't do anything. If it got out he could get kicked out of Fatui. He... He'd always been so careful.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
He felt underwater. Like he was drowning. This wasn't supposed to happen.
"...ax" As if reality came back into focus he realized somebody was calling his name "Ajax," and he wasn't standing anymore "Ajax, boy can you hear me?" When had he sat down on the ground? "Get up, boy" that's Skirk's voice... he should do as it says. Skirk knows how to fix everything...
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What ensued after that was all a blur for him. The representative, Ekaterina had taken him to a room where she started going over everything. Somehow it makes him feel worse.
He had expected the video to be some grainy UFO-spotted footage but no. It was a crystal clear video of somebody that looked exactly like him making out with another guy. At some point, they even looked directly into the camera and smirked. It had been weird watching it. Logically he knew it wasn't him since he would remember doing that, but the resemblance was uncanny. The more time he spent looking at it the more disturbed he felt. It is true he looked exactly like Ajax down to his barely visible freckles and the small highlight at the back of his hair. It was terrifyingly accurate and made shivers run down his spine.
He had told Ekaterina firmly that it wasn't him. In fact, there was security footage from his apartment building that would show he only left his apartment for training. After he finished telling her, Ekaterina started making phone calls. From what he could gather from hearing one side of the conversation if the video was a deepfake, it was a very thorough one, and very hard to prove. Fatui will have a digital video forensics expert look at the video, but at this point, it has already been circulating for a few hours and if the expert doesn't provide some kind of certificate that the video is fake soon, it won't even matter because the public will already have their mind made up. Once the general public believes something, whether it is true or not, it will be very hard to get them to change their minds. People hate admitting when they are wrong after all.
Ajax first heard about deepfakes about a year ago. It came up in a conversation with one of his rink mates. They told him about how a celebrity got their nudes leaked, except they were never leaked, it was a deepfake. Since AI was still in the early stages it was pretty easy to tell it was a deepfake. Ajax knew, as a celebrity there was a chance someone would make a deepfake of him at some point but it didn't really worry him, people would be able to tell, right? But in the last year, it's gotten so good Ajax can't even tell himself apart from whoever is in that video. Thinking about the possibilities he wasn't sure if it was scarier to think somebody could make a deepfake of him so well that nobody could tell it was not him, or if it was scarier to think there was a person out there that looked exactly like him.
He wasn't sure what to think about that, so instead of the how he started thinking about the who. An even larger pit formed in his stomach, but he beat it back with a stick. It couldn't be them.
Moving onto the why. It is true he was a very prominent figure skater and many other skaters could want him out of the picture so they could take his place. But he doesn't think a skater would do something like this. Figure skaters might be competitive but they have honor. On the other hand, he had some haters, just like every celebrity but again he just couldn't see somebody being so infuriated with his skating that they'd go through all this trouble.
He was grateful Ekaterina listened to him and is working on a solution. For the time being he was dismissed by her and told to go back to training.
Skirk didn't ask any questions after he returned just told him to warm up. That practice he probably fell more than he has in training since his junior days.
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In the days leading up to his competition getting out of his bed felt like crawling out of his own grave. For the first time in his life, he downloaded Twitter to see what people were saying about him... which made everything worse. Most Snezhnayan comments were hoping he'd die in a ditch. They were not all like that of course but the flood of negativity throughout Tartaglia's various accounts was more than he could take. The hashtag CancelTartaglia was trending with over 100,000 posts on Twitter. And the number was rapidly growing. Of course, some people were defending him but they too were washed under the wave of hate towards him.
All this just affirmed to him that he did the right thing never coming out. Yet even if he never did he was outed in probably the weirdest way possible. But he never told anybody his preferences so it couldn't have been anything other than a cruel coincidence. To think he had been so careful and still.
All that to say, on the day of the Snezhnayan nationals he felt like a dead man walking. What made everything even worse were all the reporters screaming their questions at him, combined with all the curses thrown his way. With all the yelling he couldn't even hear his own thoughts which did not help his headache.
When the warm-ups finally started he couldn't be more grateful for the ice. The ice has always been familiar, it gives reprieve from the media vultures. Getting started on his warm up nothing was going well. He flumped all of his jumps and he even landed on his face once. He could feel all eyes on him as he unraveled under the stress. He wasn't usually one to care much about public opinion, and if this scandal had been anything else he wouldn't have cared but this just hit too close to home.
As he got up from yet another failed jump he decided he'd just skate around and not do any jumps since he was failing so miserably at them anyway. He'll take the heat from Skirk later. He could feel some of the Harbingers sending him pitying looks from all the way here. The competition to get to Harbinger status is cutthroat but once you make it there is no use in infighting. Ajax wouldn't say they are friends exactly since they rarely interact but there is a sort of camaraderie between them. They are all apex predators on top of the food chain and any fighting between Harbingers would just lead to both parties losing. Of course, there was always friendly competition but rarely anything malicious.
Ajax was on a pretty friendly basis with all the other Harbingers except for Signora. For no reason, he knows of, she absolutely hates his guts. She's probably enjoying every second of Ajax's suffering.
As the official warm-ups ended and he was getting off the ice Skirk gave him a particularly hard slap on the back. From an outside perspective, it could look like an encouraging slap but that wasn't it. She was mad at him for flumping his whole warm-up. "Get your shit together." she whisper-yelled at him.
He wished it were that easy.
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Getting his shit together shouldn't be this hard. He's been pushing away his feelings for the sake of competition since he was 12. Usually, he can easily push away his emotions, but today… today feels like the world is collapsing around him. Maybe it's the fact that he has barely slept this last week or maybe it's the fact that even now he can hear people booing him. Don't get him wrong competitions are always noisy. But this time it isn't filled with excited cheers, rather they sound angry. The sound is so loud yet it only seems to be bothering him, it feels like it's crushing him. It feels like someone is yelling right in his ear.
After the first skater took the ice he escaped to the changing rooms. He just needed a little peace and quiet away from all the prying eyes. All he needed was to relax for a bit. And it won't even matter he only slept for 3 hours. Nobody was gonna know he spent the last couple of days feeling like a shell of himself. He will skate just as well as always, except…
For the first time since he started skating competitively, he wants nothing more but to leave the competition and just go home. His real home, the one he left behind and never looked back. For the first time ever, he wishes that Pulcinella hadn't discovered him. Maybe he'd be in a loving home. Enjoying a nice cup of tea with his parents and maybe even his siblings. For the first time ever he thinks that maybe he would have been better off in his small fishing village. No fame, no drama, he'd just be a humble fisher. He wishes he could go back, although there isn't much more than a broken household to return to. Even if what waited for him there, was good, he can't do that now. It's too late anyway. And now all he can do is his best. No matter how much he wishes he could curl into his bed, forget everything, and go to sleep. Leave the world behind… just for a few hours.
The door to the changing room was opened and for a moment any noise the door was blocking came through and Ajax felt like the world started doing spins around him until the door was closed again. It was Columbina. She was the newest addition to the Fatui Harbingers. Even though she is older than him, she looks like she could be 15. Apparently, it's part of her 'appeal.' He doesn't quite get why Fatui goes along with it, considering most of her fans are middle-aged men. But he guesses if it helps her popularity rating... Actually, he wouldn't be surprised if Fatui made her act that way. Most of the time she plays up her childish attributes in front of the cameras making her look innocent and shy. Although, she's anything but, don't be fooled by her looks, her personality, the real one, is that of a secretary who won't take anything from anyone and will look you in the eyes and tell you to go eat shit, she's a total beast on the ice too. She makes her jumps look effortless yet some of her components would give even him trouble.
"I was looking for you, Tartaglia," she said in a much more mature-sounding voice than the one he usually hears her use in front of the cameras.
He only spoke to Columbina a few times since she became a Harbinger. And he still had at least half an hour before he was supposed to go on the ice. So it surprised him she was looking for him. It is true they share some sort of camaraderie since they are both treated like children by the other Harbingers. Her, mostly because she joined recently. It's not quite out of malice, it's just a thing they do to the new Harbingers. But to him, they do it because he joined when he was still a kid so now in their mind, he is forever a little kid. Some of the Harbingers even call him their little brother, which, he doesn't mind all that much. He kind of wished his older siblings were as proud to call him their little brother as the Harbingers.
"How can I help you, Columbina?" He asked trying to muster a smile but she just looked vaguely at his face and he realized he didn't have to force a smile. Columbina has heavy eye prescriptions so she usually has glasses. Without them, she can barely see. But she isn't wearing any now. He recently learned that she doesn't wear contact lenses because they make her uncomfortable and Fatui forbids her from wearing glasses during competitions. He thinks that's completely irrational but maybe Fatui thinks looking like a confused damsel at the kiss and cry helps her image. But it's none of his business.
Sometimes he feels a big disconnect with his fellow skaters. It feels like the only thing connecting them is a brand name rather than a love for skating. Or an almost familial bond skaters from other nations describe they have with their teammates. Although it is true other nations have much fewer skaters. Meanwhile, Fatui has over a hundred competitive skaters.
Columbina hesitates a while before sitting down next to him and giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. Out of all the Harbingers, she's the nicest to him.
"Just don't mind the public, this will blow over. People will soon find something else to be mad about. And you'll be left with just supporters." she took a deep breath before continuing. "I hope, for your sake" She paused again almost as if waiting for someone to jump out of the wall and say 'gotcha.' In a much quieter voice she added, "And mine. We're in the same boat after all." She looked him in the eyes, and gave him a gentle smile. And just like that she averted her eyes and started walking out. With her back turned to him, as if ashamed she said "I'm sorry you have to burden the public's rage alone. But my career can't afford to support you." As she was right at the door she added "That's all I wanted, and good luck." The door closed, leaving him alone once again.
Ajax was left sitting, frozen to his spot, watching as the door closed. Columbina, is like him. He's not alone. While that shouldn't have been a revelation, he knew, logically, that he couldn't be the only gay person in the entirety of Snezhnaya, but most days, it felt like he was. Like he was all alone. Like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Columbina's words calmed him like no breathing exercise managed to. To know that somebody, another Harbinger no less, was quietly supporting him made him feel like a stone fell from his heart. With the wave of relief that washed over him, he felt his mind clear.
Even though a lot of people out there hated his guts right now, there were people out there who wanted nothing more but to see him succeed. Furthermore, there are also the people who just want to see skating and they really don't care about him, his sexuality, or anything. They just came to see skating. Yeah at the end of the day, everybody here just wants to see skating. People didn't come here just to hate on him.
Thinking on it some more his previous thoughts seem ridiculous. He was going to go out there and skate his best and nobody was gonna stand in his way.