Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Welcome, welcome! Don't be afraid, I'm not gonna hurt you, despite what you may have seen, heard, and/or been told..."

What I won't write:
Underage
Graphic rape

Smut/Lemons

Please leave your ideas and requests here! :)

Note: After completing the Reader/Sebastian oneshots that have already been requested, I will only be writing Sebastian/the p.AI.nter oneshots for the foreseeable future. I've just sort of lost interest in writing X-Readers for the time being and know I wouldn't be able to write something I'm proud of.

"I look forward to your patronage, friend!"

Chapter Text

You clutched your side as you limped down the desolate hallway, one of many, in this torturous labyrinth. The tightness in your side prompted a pained hiss to whistle between your teeth. 

41

Limping over to the doorway, you felt an unexpected wave of relief wash over you. Only a few more doors, and you would find yourself in the den of the only ally you had in this godforsaken nightmare. 

You didn’t consider the reedy voice of your “best friend” (a glitchy, red illusion of a woman that bled into the corner of your eyes after you touched that toy remote) to be helpful in the slightest, with her misleading and disconcerting whispers that made your ears sting. 

A shudder racked your injured body at the thought of your last expedition, more thoroughly looking forward to the slightly warmed, yet slick voice of the sea serpent that awaited you.

43

You dug through the drawers in the pitch black room, the only sound keeping you company water leaking through the jammed door beside you. Inwardly, you pleaded for a med kit. Everything was beginning to feel increasingly hopeless.

Even in your current… predicament , they hadn’t granted you anytime off. No pain no gain, and by god, you were in intense pain. The cramps were making you dread each vital step forward. 

47… wait, three 47s?

You cringed, digging your fingers into the side of your uniform. You were in no mood to have to deal with pressing your ear against the walls and listening for that fleshy abomination.

“It would be a real shame to have such a persistent, nagging little patron such as yourself murdered so close to handing over those valuable assets… If you know what’s good for you, take the door to your left. ” a familiar voice said over the intercom.

You whispered a silent thanks to your fishy ally, taking the door he had advised. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the right-handed door’s screen flicker into a disapproving frowny face. 

Wincing as you pushed through the door, you ambled along against the wall. You prayed to whatever demented god that was watching a vent was nearby. A meter away from the next door, a vent suddenly burst from the wall and clattered across the floor.

“Come in, come in. ” a nearby voice beckoned. 

You winced in pain as you got on your knees, your heart still reeling from the vent crashing against the floor. A few tears leaked from your eyes, emotions tumultuous inside of you. Your knees hurt, and your cramps were becoming unbearable. The metal was cool against your skin as you rested your forehead against the floor of the vent.

You rested there for several minutes, until a frustrated huff and scuffling was heard in the room ahead. Sebastian’s frowning face filled your vision when you raised your weary head. 

“ You stuck, friend? I can’t wait for those assets forever. ” he said.

You flinched as large, clawed hands grabbed you by the shoulders and pulled you out. Soon the saboteur held you by the ankle in mid air, chuckling with an air of disapproval. His other two hands began rummaging through your pockets, pulling out your carefully collected tubes of DNA and classified documents.

You were too tired to fight, and the large serpentine noticed. 

“ Normally you’re such a pain, is it my lucky day? ” he asked. 

Sebastian poked your side and you moved your hands to clutch it with a pained noise. He brushed the hair out of his third eye and reconsidered you with a raised eyebrow.

You briefly explained what was going on, while he set you down and nodded as if he understood, though a confused grimace graced his face.

“ Jeez, humans, amiright? So lucky I’m not one anymore. ” the saboteur added darkly.

Before you had a chance to ask, so far unable to buy the file detailing his past, he plowed forward with the conversation. His tail slapped against your face as he cheerfully showed you his daily wares.

“ Perhaps a little nick nack could put some spring back in your step? ” he offered. “ Still full price, by the way. These are top notch items, carefully curated by yours truly! ”

You pushed the scaled limb out of your face with a tiny smile. You somehow felt slightly better at his familiar, tasteless antics. He noticed with a smug smile, and slapped you in the face with his fin again.

“ There we go, can’t have you crying and getting that nasty salt water all over my precious wares. I see you already have everything I have to offer, however. Tell you what, for all the assets you have here, I’ll fetch you anything of your choice from the Blacksite. ” he offers.

You put in your request, and he raised an amused eyebrow. “That’s all? I’m certainly not complaining, customer is always right, after all. Toodles! ” 

He slithered up through the ceiling, sliding between the large pipes and out of sight. It was terrifying and fascinating how quickly he moved. You limped over to the corner he always sat coiled against, finding comfort in how it was still warm.

Your eyelids were becoming heavy when a snake-like form plunged down from the ceiling and landed next to you in a neat pile. You were hit in the face with the hot pad you requested. It was metal, to your surprise.

“Your purchase, my lovely patron. ” he smiled. “ It’s industrial grade, for boiling toxic chemicals. If you’re not careful, I’m quite interested in seeing what will happen to your skin. ”

Sebastian said it with an air of malice, but you were thankful for the warning. You wrapped it in a few of the oil rags scattered across the room and gingerly placed it on your stomach. Even through the cloth, you could still feel the coldness of the metal. He quickly snatched it up.

“ Give me that. ” he snapped. “ What are you, a moron? ”

He unscrewed a small panel on the back and switched it on, before carefully rewrapping it and handing it back to you.

“ There. Should burn your skin off perfectly well now. ” he said with pride.

The warmth slowly spreads over your belly and you let out a relieved sigh. To your surprise, Sebastian crowds next to you in the corner, his thick tail curling around you. You look up at him wordlessly, and he glares down at you.

“ What? This is my corner, I don’t care how shitty of a day you’re having. ” he glowers.

You slowly allow yourself to relax, the sabotuer’s scaly limb giving you a small squeeze. Gratefulness floods you, and you shudder with small sobs.

“ Ewwwww .” the saboteur groans dramatically. However, he doesn’t move from his spot.

“Do you think I’ll ever get out of here?” you ask.

He squeezes you once more, chucking to himself. “ Not if I have anything to say about it .”

You mistake this for fond joking, and contentedly drift off to sleep.

Chapter Text

Your heart thundered inside your chest as you half-ran, half-limped, towards the next door. The lights had flickered what felt like hours ago, and you were nowhere near a closet. Screaming, gradually picking up volume, echoed down the pitch black halls.

Adrenaline drowned out your thoughts as you lunged for the door. A clawed hand shot down from the ceiling and hastily dragged you up, as you kicked and fought for freedom. A second hand grabbed at your shirt, and a third clamped firmly over your mouth.

Your foot banged against the door in your frantic thrashing. It slid open, the fleshy mangle of Good People lashing out of it with a bone rattling growl before going back into hiding. You stared at it breathlessly as you were wrestled up inside of the ceiling vent. Your head hit the metal wall several times before you were successfully pulled through the hole.

A heartbeat that was not your own thudded calmly in your ears, the hand against your mouth putting a finger up as to signal silence. Your struggling was stopped by a large body coiling tight, almost crushing, around you.

The shriek crescendos and your ears ring with pain, the panels of the vent rattling as the Angler rushes past. A soft sigh ruffled the hair next to your ear. The creature loosened slightly, the hand moving from your lips. Not that it did much, the vent was still cramped with the both of you inside.

“You moron.” Sebastian said.

He glared at you with those luminous eyes of his, putting one hand sassily on his hip as another pulled his bangs out of his third eye.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice how you oh so rudely skipped my shop today. ” he accused. “I thought we had a deal. I can’t have you giving that information to anyone else.”

It was true, you had skipped his shop. This attempt to find the crystal had been the worst so far, with the Blacksite seemingly throwing every evil in its arsenal at you. You hadn’t found even one of the assets you were sent to recover.

You were nearly blinded after being trapped in the room with Eyefestation for more than 5 minutes, the AI simply giggling as it held the door shut beneath your sweaty palms. Bullet wounds leaked blood down your uniform, making it sticky and pure agony to move.

With such a rocky alliance between you two, you didn’t want to find out what Sebastain would do when he discovered you had nothing to offer him. So when you found that codebreacher next to the door, you used it. Not even pausing when you heard him call out for you.

The saboteur drummed his fingers against his folded arms, looking unimpressed as you told him of everything you had gone through today. He made a big show of yawning and rolling his eyes. After several excuses on your part later, he began to slither back down the vents. You prayed he had accepted things and was now leaving you alone, but he called over his shoulder. 

“You can stop your pathetic blabbering now… Follow me.” he said.

You bit your bruised lip and gazed at the vent opening that was your only escape, confident he was leading you somewhere to kill you where the clean up wouldn’t be so difficult. His fin slapped your side, and he tsked from in front of you. You wince in pain and crawl after the beast. He frequently mocked you for being so slow. 

Blood curdling screams sounded frequently from below, the vent rattling violently. Sebastian chuckled, noting your nervousness. He slammed his tail against the walls, causing the entire vent to tremble as you made small noises of alarm. 

Several minutes later, Sebastian slammed a vent grate out of place with his elbow, and it clattered loudly against the floor below. He slipped through the hole, his tail being the last thing to vanish from sight. You hesitated to follow, and he scowled up at you.

“I really don’t have all day, but sure, test my patience.” he said.

You flinched and scrambled out of the vent, falling and landing on his tail. A moment passed before he roughly shook you off. Grabbing a nearby desk to support yourself, you stood. It seemed like a regular office room, but instead of connecting to a larger space, the door was jammed and leaking with water. It was also stockpiled with supplies, some of which you had only dreamed of getting.

Large hands grabbed your waist and you panicked, before being sat on top of one of the desks. “I’m not going to break my back doing this, maybe just choose not to be so short in the future.” he muttered.

Sebastian plucked a first-aid kit from a nearby shelf and raised an eyebrow as if to challenge your claim of being unable to find anything. You could only let out a sigh of relief that this room wouldn’t be your tomb. 

He dumped some alcohol on cotton swabs and pressed them against your many bullet wounds, each hand doing its own part. You made a pained expression each time, squirming slightly. He gave you a dead-pan look and you began to hold as still as you could. Your exhaustion slowly leached into you as you sat in the quiet room, and you slouched with defeat.

The little bottle of alcohol shattered as the saboteur threw it carelessly over his shoulder, now bandaging your many injuries. He ripped it to the correct sizes with his teeth, before wrapping your wounds with an unexpected attentiveness. A large thumb rubbed over your cheek, wiping away blood you hadn’t realized was there.

“I’m sure your incompetence isn’t entirely your fault. ” he said. “ Someone must have raided the rooms before you arrived. Idiotic blundering stirs the monsters up.”

His hands finished covering you in beige strips, and he patted your hair in a patronizing manner with all three hands. “There, that wasn’t so hard, now was it?” he asked.

You let out the breath you had been holding, and nodded. “T-thank you.” you replied.

He seemed almost surprised for a moment. Then he shrugged, giving you a sideways glance. 

“Don’t think flattery will get you anywhere, though we both know I did a top notch job. You’re paying double next time you reach the shop, and you will stop by. No more of this ditching me nonsense.” he inserted, ever the businessman.

Sebastian rummaged through the kit once more, smiling with satisfaction as he found a red lollipop. He ripped off the packaging and popped it in his mouth, grinning at you.

“ Whoops, looks like I got the last one.” he said, sounding oh so pleased.

Chapter Text

Your performance at the Hadal Blacksite was severely lacking , according to your team overseer. Your many attempts to reach the crystal had never made it past room 67. That wasn’t going to cut it, especially since your attempts were far below the speed expected of you. After all the expeditions you’d been through, your coworkers assumed there was something mentally, or physically wrong with you. 

The real reason for your pace was collecting as much data for Sebastian as possible. After entering his den and purchasing any items you needed, you would fiddle with the radio or power tools in the room. The two of you would chat, and you would only leave his side after he shooed you off. At first he had simply ignored you, until the annoyed grumbles had turned into genuine conversation.

You liked to think that you had become almost good friends.

You also liked to hope that someday, you could be more than that. Over your many conversations and his tasteless jokes, you had become drawn to him. Yet, a strong doubt was present every time you ever thought of him feeling the same way. You often got so distracted by thinking of this, that you didn’t even notice the blinking lights. Failing was never pleasant, yet your brain always optimistically inserted that this meant you got to see him again.

However, you weren’t even good enough to be expendable by the company's eyes. One last chance to prove yourself was all you got, before being permanently “relocated”. 

Your heart twinged at the thought of never seeing those three glowing eyes smiling at you again. You tugged on your boots. The submarine dove beneath the water’s surface in a deafening splash. The silence around you was suffocating as you worried for your life, and how you would ever explain this to Sebastian.

48  

The vent popped from the wall and you rushed over to it, already beaming. A warmth blossomed in your chest, beneath the clammy layers of clothing and mountain of dread. 

“Heyyy, sunshine. ” the saboteur greeted you. “ You got the goods?”

You neatly stacked the documents and organized the rest of the assets before handing them over to him. He nodded gratefully and poked through the collection, before frowning.

“Congrats! This is less than usual. Something up?” he asked. He fixed you with a piercing gaze.

You apologized and explained your hurry, your nervousness very visible. The serpent listened in silence. The hair on your neck rose as you felt him loom over you. Those normally friendly eyes narrowed into slits as his strong tail barricaded you in.

“I’m being relocated.” you managed to whisper. You knew, even going as fast as you could, it wasn’t fast enough. This conversation would only delay you further.

“ You’re serious?! ” Sebastian boomed. “ Tell me you’re joking, you’ve gotta be joking.”

You timidly shook your head, the gravity of the situation slowly weighing down on you. All you could do was restate what you had said. 

Two hands took you by the shoulders and began shaking you, the third clawing through the saboteur's hair. His distress now became very clear to you, desperation glinting in his eyes.

“They take everything from me, and now they think they can just take you, too! Of course, why not?!” he said. His tone was becoming frantic and deranged now. Sharp, bitter laughter filled the air.

Concern creased your brows, and you gently placed your hand over one of his. He flinched. “It’s okay, I know other people will bring you the information you need to get leverage with an outside company.” you said. 

You were trying to be reassuring. His comfort was the most important thing to you now, even over your own life. After being convicted as a criminal, you knew there wouldn’t be anything left for you if you got pardoned. As his friend, and wanting to be more, it hurt you to see him hurt. 

Sebastian’s third hand gently cupped your face, even as a venomous fury flashed in his eyes. You gasped quietly, gazing at him with wide eyes. He gazed back. His face was flushed a dark purple by now. This was working him up more than you thought it would.

“No, no, no! You don’t get it, moron. They won’t be like you, it won’t be the same. ” he groaned. “ You think anyone else has ever stopped to talk to me, ever bothered to ask about my day? Mess up my radio, disorganize my drawers and help me achieve my goal?”

He looked at you so intensely that you felt something stir in your own soul. Heat slowly spread over your cheeks, and you opened your mouth, wanting to say something. It seemed he really did- somehow, unbelivably- feel drawn to you as well.

“Newsflash! You’re the first one. Now I even want you to be the only one. But had to go and get yourself relocated. Whoop-de-fucking-woo.” he spat.

Sebastian let go of you and drew back into his corner, pouting. You hesitantly placed a hand against his side, and he sneered down at you. He swatted your hand away, but it was halfheartedly.

“Sebastian.” you pressed gently.

He glared at you, and while it wasn’t encouraging, you knew this was your last chance to ever tell him how you felt. You were pretty sure him yelling at you about breaking his radio was him trying to confess his own feelings, in his own roundabout way.

“Sebastian, I don’t want to be relocated. I want to stay here with you, and mess up your radio and disorganize your drawers,” you used his words, smiling ruefully. “And I especially want to help you achieve your goal.”

He glanced at you, his eyes narrowing once again. “Now you’ve gotta be joking.” he muttered.

“I’m dead serious,” you said.

“That’s not a very tasteful way to put it.” he retorted. He raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

You took one of his hands in yours, looking at him with sincerity. “I adore every single part of you, and have ever since I met you. You’re resourceful, clever, and very helpful.” He laughed at that last one, but you continued. “There’s no one I’d rather be stuck in hell with for an eternity.”

Sebastian scoffed, folding two of his arms tighter around himself, but allowing you to keep holding the third. “What an idiot.” he said. 

You could see the tiny smile tugging at his lips, even as he fought against it. “You sure we’re talking about the same fish man who lives inside of a submarine full of monsters?” he asked.

You chuckled and nodded, giving his hand a squeeze. He laughed at you, seeming to find this entire thing ridiculous. Your heart fluttered at the sound.

“You work so hard, maybe a little too hard, and the devotion to your work is far too naive. Your sympathy to the monsters that live here is disgusting.” he said. 

He avoided looking at you while speaking, though you beamed at the backhanded compliments. A melancholy contentedness filled your chest, glad you had this final time together. 

A quiet moment washed over you, and Sebastian hesitantly looked down at you. He lowered himself slightly to your level, and pressed an uncertain kiss to your lips. You blushed profusely, unable to wipe the sappy smile off your face. He pulled back quickly and looked away with a scowl, his face a far deeper shade than usual.

“You sure you know what you’re doing?” he asked flatly.

You gave his hand a squeeze once more. “I’m sure.”

“Y’know, they can’t decommission you if you stayyyy down here. ” he said, giving you a look. You could hear the hope in his voice. “ Whaddya say, wanna join the kill on sight list?”

You laughed. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Chapter Text

“No, I don’t do trades. What does this look like, a charity?” 

Sebastian sighed at the Expendable that was stubbornly trying to give him a red remote while pointing at a flashlight. Several other Expendables were running through his shop like a group of headless chickens. One of them was jamming a keycard into his radio. His eye twitched slightly as the polite smile left his face. 

“Buy something, or get out, ” he said.

One of the Expendables bought a flash gun, and he nodded in approval. Then they decided it was such a bright fucking idea to flash him with it. Spoiler, it was not.

He snarled and pulled a gun from his pack, shooting them all where they stood. Crimson and gray matter sprayed all over the room. He sighed, and tucked the gun away. 

“What a mess. Idiots.” he said.

After calling for a clean up crew (a conversation involving many sighs), he began digging through their pockets for any assets. Unsurprisingly, the morons had found very little. It was pure misfortune on his part they had gotten this far. That peculiar remote shone with blood, now seeming a tad more enticing.

Perhaps he could sell it to his next customers.

He picked it up, flicking off the blood with distaste. His clawed thumb accidently pressed down on the button in the process. The grating voice of a woman came from the device. He flinched, and dropped it.

“Thank you for using our ‘Limited Time Imaginary Friend’ remote! We hope you enjoy the next two days with your very own real, not-so-imaginary, friend! ” the voice said from the floor.

He glared at it, sweeping it away with his tail.  What a piece of junk. Well, this entire day was a bust. It seemed he’d have to hunt for his own information and commercial wares. He clambered up through the ceiling and maneuvered around the pipes with a practiced ease.

“ Hello ?” said a small voice.

The serpent's ears twitched, attempting to hone in on where the voice came from. He certainly didn’t recognize it. It didn’t sound all that human either, which he preferred after his most recent customers.

“Hello,” he said slowly. 

There was no response. He glanced around the room he was currently in, seeing no one. A red smudge appeared in his vision, and he rubbed his eyes. Perhaps he had missed some of the blood on his face. Eww.

He narrowed his eyes, but kept going. A place like this would play tricks on even him. Slithering down the halls and opening several drawers at once, he stuffed his bag with data. He grinned smugly, his mood slowly bolstering as his pack became heavier.

“ There’s something in the room with us. ” came that same, annoying whisper.

Sebastian’s eye twitched, and he whirled around. A blurry mass, seeming to be incorporeal, floated in his vision. It had a crude face, made of three gaping holes. The remote, which he had already tossed from his mind, appeared to be causing some side effects. 

“What do you want?” he asked testily. His good mood was deflating once more.

The red woman said nothing, staring back with blank eyes.

He scoffed, drumming his fingers against his folded arms. The third hand gave her a rude gesture. She stared back.

“Oh, I’m sorry, was I not clear enough? ” he batted his eyelashes, “ Piss off, you cryptic shit stain. ”

She said nothing.

He rolled his eyes, opting to ignore her. Her whispers were nothing but nonsensical. However, there’s just something about a very annoying person that makes them hard to ignore. He began banging his head against the metal walls, trying to get her out of his mind. He went through every stage of grief in what must have been record time. She said nothing, and he finally went back to pretending she wasn't there.

“ I’m your best friend. ” she said, when they were several miles deeper inside of the submarine.

Sebastian prickled. She had touched a nerve. He uncoiled to make himself seem bigger, poising himself like a cobra in an intimidation tactic. He turned to face her, his claws bared. 

“ LISTEN HERE, YOU LITTLE- ” 

He stopped, noticing the Navi-path screen lit up with the familiar face of p.AI.nter. 

“Hey, buddy.” the computer spoke. “Oh, uh- is this a bad time?”

His screen flickered into a confused face, seeing Sebastian so riled up at what appeared to be an empty room. The serpent glanced between the screen and into the physical emptiness of the room, lowering his hands. He didn't want Painter to know he wasn't in complete control at all times. He would give anything to get rid of that pesky illusion. Well, anything that wasn't of value to him. His life motto was no refunds, discounts, or freebies.

“Can you see her?” he asked. He recollected his composure, running a hand through his hair.

Painter zoomed in his security cameras and panned them around the room. He refocused on Sebastian with concern. 

“See… who?” he replied.

“Do a pal a favor, and shoot at that far corner, yeah?” he said. 

The AI was very good at shooting away his problems.

The screen raised a scribbly eyebrow, but popped a turret down from the ceiling. He released several clips into the wall where the saboteur had directed. Nothing happened, other than the wall looking thoroughly scorched and water beginning to pour through the bullet holes.

His ‘best friend’ was completely unscathed.

Sebastian groaned. “Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me.”

Painter frowned. “I can shoot the corner again, if that’d do anything.”

The serpent slumped against the wall, fixing the red lump in his vision with a piercing glare. “I thought you said you weren’t imaginary. That’s false advertising.” he said.

Painter became further confused with his boss’ behavior, but opted to stay silent so as to not risk getting his face shattered. The scarlet blur flickered, and Sebastian thought that he saw its gaping mouth begin to frown. He grinned wryly.

“You’re just a big phony, aren’t you? You’d be lucky if anyone even wanted to be your friend. You’d certainly be my last choice.” he continued. 

“ You’re mean.” came a horse whisper.

“And you’re nothing . ” he spat back. “ Useless, fake. 100% imaginary. That’s all you’ll ever be.”

The thing let out an absolutely blood-chilling shriek. The lights in the room flickered. Sebastian yawned. He leisurely examined his claws.

“You hear something, good buddy? ” he asked Painter. “ No? Me neither.”

The serpent got comfortable against the wall, inclining his head to the screen. The computer brightened at his attention. He pointedly ignored the trembling scarlet mass in the corner of his eye.

“Hey Painter? Did I ever tell you that you’re my very best friend?” he said.

The little computer gasped. Scribbles of pink appeared beneath its eyes. “Really?” he asked.

Sebastian nodded, matter-of-factly. “Really, really. My best, and only friend.” he replied.

Painter was shocked, and delighted. Blind once again to how easily he was used, which was what the other admired most about him. He beamed down at the serpent.

“Wow, you really know how to make an AI feel special," he chirped. “You’re my best friend as well!”

The imaginary friend began to wilt, becoming skeletal and twisted. It screamed, and it screamed, until it had dwindled into nothing at all. He found the sound akin to a bothersome mosquito. There was nothing to ever hint that it once existed, other than the sparking remote inside of his shop.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. He was thoroughly unimpressed by that smudge’s performance. The saboteur gave the space where it once hovered a final three fingered salute. He returned upright and stretched, his knuckles brushing the ceiling. 

Painter continued to drone on excitedly behind him, happy as a clam. He even beeped out a little song.

“Should I paint us a best friends picture?” he asked excitedly. “I’m going to paint us one! Bye!”

Sebastian rolled his eyes with fondness as the screen zipped black. Good old reliable Painter. Just as naive as ever.

He was certainly going to sell his next annoying customer that remote.

Chapter Text

You took a deep breath as you walked down the hallway. Talking to inmates always makes you nervous. Especially this time, considering the newest LR-P had nine different accounts of murder. Hadal Blacksite had just picked him up this morning. He was still a mystery to all the lower employees such as yourself.

Sebastian raised his head as you entered the room. He didn’t look like a murderer, but then again, neither did Ted Bundy. 

You set his meal tray on the small table in his cell. It was the solitary furniture other than a bed chained to the wall and a small lavatory in the back. It wasn’t a horrible setup, but it certainly didn’t look comfortable.

The inmate nodded, giving you a polite smile. “Care to join me?” he offered.

You glanced back through the large glass window, seeing the hallway empty. The security camera whirred from the low ceiling in reassurance. If anything bad happened, they would know. You gave what you hoped was a noncommittal shrug, like it was no big deal. Your heart was racing, however.

You knew what would be happening to him later that day, and the sympathetic part of you thought he deserved some company. Sebastian sat down at the table and looked over his lunch, thoroughly examining his sandwich before biting into it. He let out a low hum of appreciation. 

You slowly sat down across from him, politely waiting as the man devoured that sandwich. He quickly finished his meal, then wiped his mouth with a napkin. For a murderer, he had impeccable manners.

“Sorry,” he said. “It’s just been so long since I had a sandwich that didn’t taste like… well, sand. Prison food isn’t exactly gourmet.”

He chuckled at his own joke. His dark eyes shone at you from behind his messy mop of black hair, crinkling up into a friendly grin. You allowed yourself to smile back, informing him that the quality of the food here was far above that of a prison.

The LR-P clapped you on the shoulder in an amicable manner as he stood up, looking pleased at that information. He went over and sat on his small cot, patting the space beside him. You once again glanced out the large window, and once again, the coast was clear.

So why was your heart racing and why were your palms so sweaty? This felt strictly off limits.

You settled down beside him with clear hesitation. He rewarded you with a smile.

“There we go. I don’t bite. Well, unless you’re an UrbanShade sandwich.” he said with a wink.

You flustered a little at that. Forcing yourself to relax, you made a note to bring him more sandwiches tomorrow. Well, if he survived the mad scientist-esc experiments the biology division would be doing on him later that day.

You cleared your throat and began asking him about himself. Once you proved you weren’t an investigator, he became less reserved and more personal. You found his company very pleasant. His jokes were funny and his descriptions were vivid, each story from his previous life packing the desired punch.

Your heart twinged with sadness, and you wished he was an intern like you, instead of a convict. His eyes held that same sorrow, and you could tell he was homesick. That food truck and that reckless nephew were real to him, not just a story of what once was. His job, his home, his family, friends- you knew he would never see them again.

Sebastian knew it too.

He let out a heavy sigh and gave you a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He seemed so much older now, beaten down and worn out. You reached out and gave his shoulders a few awkward pats, wishing you could do more than just bring him sandwiches. 

The inmate shook his head with another sigh and pulled a guitar that you hadn’t previously noticed out from under the cot. It was a rich, stunning shade of wood that complemented his tan skin. He plucked out a few cords.

“Any requests?” he asked. His look was inviting.

You flushed, shyly telling him your favorite song. He smiled warmly, taking a few moments to map his fingers out on the strings. Then he began to play.

Sebastian’s fingers slide effortlessly along the strings, your favorite song spilling out and filling the prison cell in a way that felt magical. He poured his heart and soul into the music, creating a more beautiful rendition than you ever thought possible.

The sadness seemed to leave his body as he devoted himself to the task. You became mesmerized by him, his talent. Or maybe just the bond you were already starting to form together. He began to sing, elbowing you and wiggling his eyebrows until you began to sing along. You could barely get the words right in between all your giggling, but his smooth and steady voice guided you.

After your song was completed, he continued to strum. Songs that only he knew, and you yearned to learn as well. He rested his head against your shoulder, becoming weighed down by the notes. You made yourself more sturdy to accommodate him. Seeing the misery tear him up inside was unbearable.

Gingerly, you took the guitar from his grip. “Here, let me try.” you said.

You weren’t any good at guitar and couldn’t even remember the last time you touched one, but your only intent was to pull your new friend out of the depression he was sinking into. Sebastian looked up at you, only confirming what you had to do next.

You chuckled nervously, pressing your fingers in the places you had seen him do. An ugly twag came from the beautiful instrument. The LR-P raised an unimpressed eyebrow. He seemed to stir from the dark place he had gone.

“Hold on, I’m just warming up.” you said.

This attempt was just as pitiful as the first, if not worse. Sebastian took the guitar from your hands, seeming amused, but deeply unimpressed. He tucked it back under the cot with care.

“Wow, that was remarkably horrible.” he said. “If that’s you warming up, I think we should stop before you burn something to ashes.”

You blushed and rubbed your neck. You definitely weren’t cut out to be a guitar player. Your shame was silenced as he rested his head back on your shoulder, his soft hair touching your cheek. He seemed comfortable, and something warm stirred inside of you.

The two of you sat in companionable silence for a long while, and for a moment, you thought he had fallen asleep. Then he shifted even closer to you. His lips brushed yours, and you held your breath.

“You know I didn’t do it, right? I’m not a monster.” he muttered softly.

Taking Sebastian’s hand in yours, you didn’t even hesitate before answering. You kissed him, and he kissed back. He gradually penned you between his body and the wall, cupping your face in his hands. The gesture held such care and gentleness that you just knew.

The two of you pulled back, breathless. The look exchanged between you was full of warmth, comfort and understanding. His dark eyes shone, his face flushed as he remained close. 

“I know.” you whispered, once more. 

And you did know, with all of your heart.

-

Sebastian froze in the doorway as he recognized the guitar under the cot. His esca flickered to life as he very gingerly picked it up with all three hands, almost afraid he might break it. He gazed at the ceiling above, wondering where you were now. What you would think of him.

Chapter Text

“ He… can’t get us out if you continue to stand in our way. ” The tired voice echoed down the hallway. 

A shiver ran down your spine, instantly recognizing it as the voice that usually accompanies the manic spray of bullets. However, the room was silent, and the ceiling was bare.

You couldn’t help your own curiosity, even as a part of you feared that replying would be walking right into a trap.

“Who?” you asked.

You continued walking through the dark hall, scavenging through a few overturned drawers as you waited for an answer. You always made sure to know where the nearest closet was. Static played over the intercom. You frowned, now disheartened by the usually reassuring silence.

“I want to get out too.” you added. “Maybe we could help each other?”

The seconds continued to tick by, and you mentally kicked yourself for responding so slowly. What if you had missed your only chance at a useful ally? There was no time to dwell on it as you continued on your path. 

The rooms were speeding by in a blur when you only began to process that you hadn’t seen a single duplicate door. Not since your half conversation with the creature that lived inside of the screens. Before advancing to the next room, you stopped and looked up at the screen.

“Thank you… Painter. I appreciate it.” you said

You rubbed your arm awkwardly and gave the electronic a half smile. You didn’t know if he could hear you, but you prayed you remembered his name correctly. If he wanted to help you, it certainly wouldn’t hurt to be polite. At least you hoped so. You were very grateful, even if you weren’t sure you could let down your guard yet.

The green numbers on the display wiggled slightly, but nothing happened. You sighed, giving a final thumbs-up before walking through the doorway. God, you felt like an idiot. You certainly looked like one.

The next room was the same as any other, and you started to become fatigued with the monotony. Your eyes had begun to burn, and your muscles were stiff from constantly being poised to run. The lights flickered.

You let out a sigh. Stretching slightly, you took a moment to calm yourself before stepping into the closet. The doors clicked shut securely behind you. Allowing yourself to relax, you leaned against the wall and loosened up.

The screaming was never pleasant, but at least you got a small break from the constant grind and paranoia. The terrifying shrieks grew louder as they came towards you, and they never faded. A large body slammed itself against the locker, and you screamed.

Pandemonium’s aggressive lure burned into your vision, nearly hypnotizing you as you struggled to pull your eyes away. It screeched and you became nearly petrified. You couldn’t feel your fingers as they fought to wrench the doors closed, desperate to protect your fragile body from the horrific mass of eyes that threatened to devour you. 

The closet began bending under its weight as it slammed against the metal walls. Your only salvation compacted like a soda can around you. The flashlight tucked into your belt shattered. There wasn’t enough room for you to breathe. 

You were going to die.

A familiar beeping noise was barely audible to your frazzled consciousness. Red scopes zeroed in on the monstrous sludge, and a rain of bullets showered down upon it. The thing let out a cry that rattled your teeth, before turning and disappearing down the hallway.

You let out a shuddery breath that felt bone deep, and slumped out of the closet, spilling onto the floor. You were half tempted to kiss the cold ground pressed against your cheek. Your body was still trembling so hard you could barely move.

“ Oh… was I too late? ” a computerized voice asked.

A turret lowered from the ceiling and nudged your side. Having a gun pressed to your abdomen wasn’t as reassuring as Painter probably thought it would be. You raised a very shaky thumbs up, praying that would get the firearm away from you.

“You’re alive! That’s good! I…think? ” Painter said. “ But what are you doing on the floor? I thought you were normally more… portrait rather than landscape. ”

You rolled onto your back, gazing up at the confused face in the Navi-path screen. You coughed and wheezed before finding your voice beneath your still pounding heart.

“Just… taking a breather.” you managed.

Painter’s screen broke into a little scribbly smile, seeming pleased.

“Good! I’ve always wanted to try breathing, you know. Sometimes my CPU overheats and then there’s a really loud whirring sound,” he made the whirring sound in demonstration for you. It sounded awful. “ But I’m pretty sure the two aren’t very equivalent. ”

You struggled to your knees, pounding your chest with your fist. Your lungs weren’t entirely sure if they were supposed to come into work after your heart nearly quit when being crushed in a locker. 

The AI continued to chat at you blithely, a turret popping out of the ceiling once more to help you to your feet. The gesture was appreciated, though you would always feel unease with a gun so close by. He was warming up to you pretty quickly, considering all the times he’d tried to kill you. He seemed to catch wind of these thoughts.

“About the past… It was nothing personal, I promise. Please don’t be mad. I just… I want to paint again, and I thought… I was told that hurting you would help me reach my goal. ” he said.

You gawked at him. The computer that had hundreds of guns, was asking you not to be mad. Like some sort of child in time-out. He really looked so apologetic, too. You found yourself wanting to forgive the murderous computer.

“Promise you won’t shoot at me again?” you asked.

Somehow that simple scribble looked more earnest than anyone you had ever seen in your life. “I promise! Cross my heart and hope to die! ” he said. It almost sounded like he was begging for your forgiveness.

You doubted he had a heart, but hoped the expression was still valid anyway. A gun lowered from the ceiling and gave you the millionth heart attack of the day, just being in this one room with Painter. The barrel of the gun wiggled up and down. It seemed he was offering you a hand(?)shake.

“ Come onnnn. Be a pal and put ‘er there! ” he encouraged.

Very hesitantly, you wrapped your hand around the gun and gave it a cautious squeeze. The screen looked delighted.

“ On the count of three! One… two… three! ” he cheered.

“To… not getting shot at!”  “To BFFs! ” 

You and the little computer cheered in unison. You lacked his enthusiasm by a long shot. 

His gun pointed up as you raised your hand, in an upwards hurrah like they would do in a sports movie. A few rounds loudly shot through the ceiling. You blanched, staring wide-eyed up at the holes. The computer chuckled nervously.

“W-whoops. I’ll… turn the safety on. ” he mumbled.

Chapter Text

Sebastian’s ears stood alert at the sound of something blundering through the vents. He quickly straightened his posture. Adjusting his jabot, he tried to look like he hadn’t just been dozing off.

The head that popped out of the vent belonged to none other than his favorite, most devoted patron. You. He smiled brightly. You didn’t smile back. He noticed.

“ Well, well, well. Did you miss me? ” he asked.

The serpent had missed you, even if he would never admit it. You’d been rather distant lately, and that only forced him to come to terms with how fond he was of you. He felt genuine relief seeing you back.

You didn’t reply, which you had never failed to do previously. He became concerned at the sight of your eyes squinted shut. Usually you were rather annoying, but today something was clearly off. It seemed you had caught some sort of mind eating parasite. It didn’t surprise him, considering you would swim anywhere.

He watched with uncertainty as you stumbled towards him like a zombie. One hand reached for the gun in his pack. He froze when your head hit his chest. Your arms reached around his torso and squeezed as you gave a vague mumble. His face became warm, forgetting about the gun. Now he almost hoped your brain hadn’t gotten eaten.

“ O-oh… ” he chuckled. “ What’s this about then? ”

Sebastian waited for your reply, but none came. He patted your back awkwardly. This… wasn’t horrible, he supposed. He moved his tail to block the vent. No one could ever see this display.

He felt your warm face nuzzle against his shirt and let out a dramatic sigh. A yawn snuck up his throat, and he covered it with one hand. The other two hands hesitantly stroke your back. Begrudgingly, he allowed himself to hold you.

“ Long day, huh? ” he asked.

You nodded, yawning. It seemed you hadn’t lost your mind. How unfortunate. Sebastian’s own yawning was triggered by this. He glared down at you. A revenge plan was already forming in his mind. You became heavy in his arms as you succumbed to sleep. He didn’t let you fall, to his own surprise.

He rolled his eyes with a scoff. Humans.

Sebastian pulled your head away from his shirt. You seemed like the type to drool. Your face was peaceful, though washed out by exhaustion. The rings under your eyes were almost like bruises. Lightly, he traced a single claw over them. Even looking like shit, you still managed to be alluring.

He found himself becoming annoyed. No wonder you hadn’t brought him any assets, it looked like you hardly had any time to sleep!

Grumbling to himself, he curled up around you. 

This was only to protect his future business, he told himself. Plus, he wanted to resume his own nap that you had so rudely interrupted. This was a one time, limited offer, type of thing. Never to happen again.

So why did he hope it would, seeing you so peacefully tucked against his side?

---

Sebastian awoke with a jolt as something poked his vulnerable underbelly. He blinked groggily, his eyes already narrowed into pissed-off slits. This mood disappeared as quickly as it had come on, seeing you struggling in the straightjacket of his body.

You blushed, looking sheepish. “Good morning, Sebastian.” you said.

Your voice, still ragged with sleep, was enchanting to the serpent. His ears wiggle slightly as he quickly looked away. Subconsciously, he tightened further around your soft body. He didn’t want to let go.

He only processed what he was doing when he heard you gasp and pat his tail for release. He quickly dumped you in a heap on the floor. He cursed his tail for being so disobedient. Every part of him begged to look at you, and he stuffed all of it down. You were a customer. An easy mark. Nothing else. Ever.

The saboteur couldn’t deny that he liked the sight of you tangled up with him. His tail was lashing around on the ground, a telltale sign of his current… feelings. That same tail tripped you after you finally collected yourself from the floor where he had dumped you.

Mortified, he lunged to catch you. Your arms were warm in his grip, your hair soft against his chest. He liked holding you, liked seeing you close. You stared up at him wide-eyed, and he stared down at you. Long moments passed before you cleared your throat.

“I… have something that I want to show you.” you said.

Sebastian dropped you then, your head landing on his fin as his tail stubbornly stuck by you. He hated those words. Just as bad as “we need to talk.” It never meant anything good.

He clasped his hands together and put on an exasperated smile. A perfect morning, ruined.

“Naturally! Do lead the way. ” he said.

You looked up at him with… something , in your eyes. What exactly, he couldn’t tell. Maybe it was a side effect of a brain eating parasite. Turning to crawl through the vent, you gave him that same look. He didn’t like it.

After you disappeared into the vent, he didn’t follow until he heard you exit. His ears perked as he listened for any sort of trap on the other side of the wall. As far as he could tell, nothing. Biting his lip from nerves, he slid through the vent and joined you. It was a tight squeeze, but he managed.

As you led the way down the halls, deeper into the belly of the submarine, Sebastian cursed himself for his behavior. He hated himself for allowing himself to hold you, to touch you, to speak to you. He hated himself for allowing himself to ever hope that you would feel the same. 

Remembering how you looked at him when he caught you, his face burned. He hated himself for it, but didn’t regret even a moment of it.

You stopped in front of a closed door, and turned to face him. He nearly tripped over you, so deep in his own thoughts. His face flushed with embarrassment, shame and dread festering inside of him.

“ Erm… is this what you wanted to show me? Well, don’t get cold feet now, after dragging me all this way. ” he sputtered. He tried to stay in character, but he was far too nervous.

You told him to close his eyes, and he very hesitantly did so. He blindly obeyed, wanting to please you. Your hand slid into one of his, and he held onto it like a lifeline.

This was it. Some horrible thing would be waiting on the other side of the door.

The serpent flinched as he heard it open. You led him inside with a squeeze of his hand, and calmly instructed him to open his eyes. He had already been peeking. He wanted to trust you, but is completely unable to due to circumstances.

You stepped to the side as Sebastian slithered into the room. He still couldn’t believe his eyes. It wasn’t some cruel trap from UrbanShade, or a gateway to hell.

It was beautiful.

Concrete steps descended into a large, luminescent lake. A mass of colors rippled and stirred beneath the surface, glowing and blinking, almost in choreography. The algae swirled slowly, contrasting against the dark ocean water. It was an underwater galaxy, a decadent milky way.

The bioluminescence lit the room in a calm light that occasionally shifted colors, creating a breathtaking display. The saboteur gazed over at you, speechless. Your features were softly lit up, and you looked absolutely otherworldly. You shared his smile, his wonder.

You had managed to find heaven in this hell, and had chosen to share it with the most tortured soul.

Sebastian had never wanted to kiss someone more in his entire life. He tackled you into the water, earning a surprised yelp as you both disappeared beneath the waves. 

You surfaced with a splash, the serpent swimming large circles around you. He was quite graceful yet fearsomely quick in the water. He caught you staring and used his powerful tail to send a large tidal wave crashing over you. The water was balmy and welcoming, the algae feeding from a hydrothermal vent. 

“Happy Birthday, Sebastian.” you chuckled.

Sebastian nearly forgot how to swim. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard those words. No one had ever cared enough to say them to him. He forgot about it himself, at this point. Yet for some reason, you had gone out of your way to do this, clearly searching until you grew weary and collapsed in his shop.

The serpent’s lure grew brighter as something warm stirred in his chest. He gave you a mischievous look before disappearing beneath the floating patches of algae, popping up behind you and holding you close to his chest.

“ Oh, so that’s what this little stunt is about. ” he said. He tried to seem disapproving, but his joy shone through.

You looked up at him with that same gentle care. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that you felt the same way, your eyes glittering with the reflection of underwater stars. Sebastian kissed you soundly, savoring the taste of salt water on your soft lips. Nothing had ever tasted sweeter.

“Do you like it?” you asked.

Sebastian beamed, kissing you once more. 

“ I love it. ”

This was the best birthday he’d ever had.

Chapter Text

Sebastian hummed to himself as he watched the dark beads of coffee dribble into his cup. The smell was downright intoxicating, and he let out a contented sigh. Sporting the mug in one hand and a newspaper in the other, he went to find Painter.

The little computer was where he always was, sitting on a desk in a room that was paneled with metal grating. The serpent nuzzled his face against the screen in greeting, a small jolt of static electricity bolting between them. The machine whirred and flickered to life, watching as the other sat across from him.

“ Good morning, my little artist.” he said.

“ Sebastian, it's midnight. ” the other replied, confused.

“ Bingo! Techincallyyy morning. Not like either of us need the sleep anyway. ” he grunted.

Painter frowned. That was true, but he still enjoyed the long stretches of calm and silence where he wasn’t required to shoot or trick anyone. 

Sebastian however, seemed unbothered. Even as his glowing eyes made the sleep rings under them look much darker than they were.

He flipped open his newspaper, scanning through it with devotion. The latest issue they had was from early 2025, which was many years ago. How many years, no one trapped down here could say. Still, he read them to predict how the world was functioning now. 

He guessed the world had divided into two separate parties that would stop at nothing to kill the other, and that earth was on the brink of collapse. Humanity deserved to suffer, after what they had done to him.

He took a long, judgmental sip from his coffee.

Painter sighed. He began playing solitaire, slapping one digital card on top of another. Sebastian had helped him download the game, and he had finally learned how to play. Now he actually knew what a ‘full house’ was. 

Sometimes they played poker together. The serpent usually lost, but scoffed and claimed that if he could actually cheat, he would win every game. The AI admired that about the other, how lively and completely unpredictable he was, yet dependable in the ways that mattered.

They usually enjoyed doing their separate activities together, but today Painter felt his memory disk taking up too much RAM. He considered the red heart on the card and let out another sigh, closing the program. He gazed over at his companion, who was currently glaring into his coffee.

“ Sebastian… I know it’s dumb, but do you ever… miss them? The people? ” he asked, timid.

The saboteur spit out his coffee and began choking on air. “ No. ” he said.

The AI went quiet, his fan humming softly as the scribbly frown on his face grew deeper. He debated shutting down for the day and letting the other monsters take care of it. He didn’t like harming others in the first place.

Sebastian placed a hand over the computer mouse, preventing the screen from going dim. 

“ Do you miss them? ” he asked.

“ Yes! I miss painting, I miss the internet, a-and I miss my creator. ” he admitted. “I’m sick of this. I just want to create art again… ”

The other listened quietly, not moving his hand away and giving the AI his full attention. 

“I know you don’t like all the, ” Sebastian made pew-pew and theatrical screaming noises, “ but I know what I’m doing. This is a necessary evil. ”

Painter looked away from him, withdrawing. He had heard this speech so many times, yet nothing was happening. He was beginning to feel manipulated. He didn’t know what to do with that information, as Sebastian was his only friend and the only one that would keep up with his maintenance.

The serpent carefully shifted the screen to face him. The computer closed the tab with his face on it, though he couldn’t deny how his core warmed at the touch.

“ Hey, why don’t I get to see that perfectly drawn little face of yours? ” The other asked, concerned. “ Did I lose computer privileges? ”

The AI sighed dramatically, reopening the tab. Sebastian greeted him with a warm grin, and Painter felt very prominent pink scribbles form under his eyes. He vaguely registered sharp claws delicately tracing over his screen where the color was, becoming shell shocked.

“ Pink is a nice color on you. It would make a stunning painting. ” he said.

The computer's harddrive beeps as it overheats, his eyes wide moons. The serpent simply gazed back at him with that soft smile, his tail wagging lazily. 

Static crackled from the radio in Sebastian’s pack and he fished it out, the moment shattered. Coordinates spilled from the machine, numbers filling the room. They were scribbled onto a scrap piece of paper before he got up and stretched.

Painter had no idea what was going on, but had never wanted legs more in his life so he could follow his companion, perhaps even to the edge of the earth. His desperation must have been obviously etched on to his features, because the saboteur patted his monitor.

Sebastian turned, and the computer felt despondent at the prospect of being alone. Then the other turned back around with a mischievous grin, pulling a USB out of his pocket.

“I’ve been wanting to try something for a while now… do you trust me? ” he asked.

Painter’s screen buffered, nearly failing to process what the other had said. Instead of simply brushing him off, Sebastian had invited him to come with. It seemed like some sort of crazy malfunction of memory, a day dream that was never allowed in reality.

Yet there he was, his clawed hand extended, his eyes warm and excited. The AI’s screen brightened, immediately agreeing before even considering what he might’ve been agreeing to. He didn’t care. Sebastian wanted him, that was enough.

Staring at his empty monitor felt like an out of body experience for the little computer, which is exactly what it was. Painter was now transferred to a USB that was carefully placed in a waterproof tube before being tucked in Sebastian’s pocket.

The trip went by in a blur, the AI listening to the serpent’s heartbeat and occasionally being patted to make sure he hadn’t fallen out. He felt small, yet surprisingly confident and secure.

Once back on dry land, he was poured into those clawed hands before being plugged into something, a heavy protective flap closing over him. It was dark for a few moments as he connected to the database, quickly overtaking it like a virus. 

He blinked twice, gasping as he felt his control branch over a much larger mainframe. Sebastian waved from below him, looking much smaller than he usually did, but wearing a grin that could’ve been seen from space. 

Sebastian had hooked Painter up to a TrenchBleeder.

It was disorienting to go from fitting in the palm of the serpent’s hand to being able to crush him easily if he wasn’t careful. The saboteur hooked several large crates to the machine’s back after the storage room filled with water. They hardly looked more than specks of dirt, seeming miniscule against their colossal transportation. 

Sebastian then swam over and got situated next to where Painter saw out of the machine, his tail wagging in manic thrill. 

The computer’s anxiety slowly faded as he realized the water had no effect on him. He felt big, strong, and powerful beyond his wildest dreams. Somehow, he felt lighter than a USB tucked in someone’s pocket, being a million tonnes heavier. 

The ocean was spectacular. 

Whales sung to him as they swam by in pods, looking like little guppies compared to his massive screen. Herds of neon jellyfish floated lazily past like a bundle of colorful balloons. Coral covered the bottom of the ocean in a beautiful mosaic. Each sight took his breath away more than the last. Everything meshed together into a picture-perfect scene. 

Painter captured a photo of every magic sight for reference later. 

He had never been more excited to paint.

The AI felt a small vibration ping up the side of his metal body, looking over to see the serpent pointing at something far below. Faintly glowing in the green light of a path, tiny Expendables swam through the dark ocean like a school of uniformed fish.

The large smirk of his companion became contagious as the computer thundered over to them. It was an absolutely chaotic sight, Painter’s smug, scribbly face plastered to such a ginormous, destructive machine, with teeny Sebastian cozying up next to him like a shoulder devil. 

Painter smooshed them all like jam in a single step, their little bits floating lifelessly in the open ocean.

“ MOROOONS! ” Sebastian and Painter howled in unison.

They were mad with power.

Still chuckling to themselves, they continued on their destructive path through the ocean, the saboteur telling the AI coordinance as they went. Both of them felt free as they easily stepped over deep underwater trenches, pointing out fascinating flora and fauna to the other as they went.

Painter couldn’t help but glow at the sight of Sebastian snuggled up against him, that tail of his moving nonstop. The serpent beamed up at him, and his face flashed pink. The other still managed to make him feel weak, even inside a tank.

Soon they reached their coordinate, and the saboteur left his shoulder and unstrapped the crates, carrying them to a waiting submarine. This must have been the outsider company that had promised to get him out if they got enough leverage on UrbanShade.

All of the doubt in Painter’s mind suddenly went quiet, reassured now that he knew things were actually in motion. He felt a little guilty at having distrusted his partner, thinking of him swimming all this way by himself.

After all the crates were successfully transferred, the submarine left and the serpent perched back on the TrenchBleeder. Bubbles floated from his mouth as he yawned, and on the trip back, he fell asleep.

“‘ Not like either of us need the sleep anyway’ my ass… ” Painter muttered.

Amusement filled his core, mellowing as he looked fondly down at his companion. The little gray noodle of the serpent was absolutely adorable. The fact that he was comfortable enough to fall asleep on such a massive tank was a clear sign of his feelings towards the other.

Sebastian trusted Painter, and Painter trusted Sebastian.

Chapter Text

When the stream of Expendables passing through Sebastian’s shop slowed to a trickle, he knew something was up. UrbanShade would keep sending them in like morons to the slaughter until the crystal was retrieved, no matter how many lives it took. It made no sense for them to stop now, unless they were focusing on a much larger project.

He didn’t appreciate his chaos being dismissed and his gullible little suppliers being swindled by someone else.

So they were asking for it when Sebastian murdered an entire crew of Expendables and commandeered their submarine. With his trusty friend Painter jamming the security camera feeds and pulling the strings on the PA system, he was able to make it to the submarine bay without any issues.

And that’s how the saboteur ended up heading to a location called the “Rave Yard” in Scotland.

Parking the submarine in a way that intentionally dented it (he never failed to find pleasure in ruining UrbanShade’s little toys), he slithered out on land and filled his gills with that humid coastal air.

Ah, Scotland. It smelled a lot more like weed than he would’ve thought.

A vast graveyard sprawled in front of him, blanketed in fog, but seeming unremarkable as he combed through it, only finding crushed bottles of the noxious soda Bloxy Cola. The clouds crackled with lightning above, heavy sheets of rain pelting the earth.

He caught a cold drop on his tongue and brought it to his mouth. The last time he tasted fresh water was countless years ago. The liquid pooled in his outstretched hands, reflecting his own monstrous face at him before slipping through his fingers.

Flashes of faces he used to know drifted through his memory as he watched the ripples of cold water in his palms. Three drops of salty water tainted the pools, causing them to overflow. He threw the liquid to the ground with distaste, wiping his hands on his vest.

Sebastian couldn’t just run off into Scotland and be free from the nightmare that plagued his life. He was chained to what UrbanShade had forced him to become for all eternity. He could never rest until he pulled them down with him and got his full revenge.

His resolve hardened as he followed one of the gravel paths up to a looming wooden gate. A stack of animated bones yelled at him as he approached, cocking a rifle.

“Oi! Don’t tell me yer tryna break in ‘ere too! I’ve ‘ad too many of ya skin suits trespassing inta tha party!” he said in a thick Scottish accent.

Sebastian’s eye twitched as he looked down the barrel of a gun. He barely managed to control the furious creature inside of him that started clawing to get out, his emotions becoming feral. All of these memories were making him sick.

He clasped his hands together, attempting to be polite to a potential goon. “ Skin suits, you say… would they perhaps be about yea tall and annoying as fuck? My friend, I think we share a similar problem .” he said.

The skeleton didn’t budge from the door, but slightly lowered his gun. “Sorry lad, I can’t let you inta this party with ya lookin like that.” he said.

That was certainly a poor choice of words.

The serpent bristled, towering over the other with his claws and teeth bared. “ OH, AND DO TELL ME WHAT’S SO WRONG WITH THE WAY I LOOK- ”

The bouncer’s head sunk into his ribcage like a turtle attempting to flee, very shakily tapping the edge of a sign that was dimly illuminated in the gloom. Sebastian snapped his head towards it, seething as he skimmed through.

“Do I look like a skin suit? Listen here, numbskull, for all you know I’m the goddamn Lochness Monster. So let me in or I will tell everyone in there about your very embarrassing mix up. ” he snapped.

The other nodded rapidly, pushing open the gates. “Of course, Mr. Ness. Sorry, Mr. Ness. Right away, Mr. Ness-” he sputtered.

Sebastian popped his favorite finger before heading through the doors, using his tail to sweep the guy off his feet and collapse in a pile of bones. 

Music that was previously muffled behind the heavy doors was now at full blast, making his ears ring. Living skeletons of all shapes and sizes swung their bodies back and forth in strange dances, a glowing hoop spinning around each of their necks. They cheered and toasted as he joined them, neon liquids spilling from their cups and burning into the grass below.

A glow hoop was thrown around his neck by a jovial skeleton before he was thrown into the fray and offered many drinks. The saboteur gave the contents of a red cup a cautious sniff, before throwing it back. He ripped the hoop from his neck and threw it to the ground as he drank, rivulets streaming down his chin.

Not like his night could get any worse. 

The liquid burned pleasantly down his throat, an unfamiliar flavor exploding on his taste buds. He licked his lips, finding he quite enjoyed the taste of spectral liquor. Snatching cups from the hands of party goers as he went and holding several drinks at once, he progressed through the graveyard. 

A group of the undead flanked his sides at all times, cheerfully providing him with drinks and chattering their jaws in excitement as they watched him chug the alcohol as if it were the only thing keeping him alive.

The next few hours went by in an intoxicated blur.

It all started with crowd surfing through the mosh pit and went downhill from there.

Sebastian met a Skelepede in the tunnels behind the mosh pit and aptly named it Bitey, guiding it through the tunnels at a breakneck speed and joyously murdering Expendables left and right. He appreciated the company of a fellow con artist inside of an underground bar, savoring several fancy drinks that made his head spin and allowed him to hear colors, while they bitched to each other about what poor paying customers the skin suits were.

The bartender encouraged him to push for more tips, and the serpent agreed in slurred speech.

A tearful goodbye to Bitey later, and the saboteur was stumbling through the catacombs, with only his lure to light the way.  

He picked a few of his favorite skulls and tucked them into his satchel, thinking they had quite the potential as home decor. He met several more friends there, big stone statues that froze when he looked at them. He scrambled onto one of their shoulders and let them carry him, nearly falling off several times in his dizzying state.

He led his army on his escapade for home decor, picking up several tasteful candelabras as they stomped along, the ceiling shaking and crumbling above them. Sebastian realized with delight that these friends also had a vendetta against the Expendables and helped them in their noble quest.

Whenever they got close to a fearful prisoner that was running through the dark, desperately clinging to their flashlight, the serpent would reach down and yank it out of their hands. Then Stompy would crush them into jam, the sound music to his ears.

Somewhere around the world, a 9 year old screamed and threw their controller at the television.

Life had never been better for Sebastian. His satchel was full of stolen flashlights and party poppers, skulls and candles galore. Those pesky memories from earlier had been successfully drowned in alcohol, and he felt downright manic with joy. 

Feeling generous, he decided to light each and every one of his statue friends’ candles, allowing them to join him above ground as they left the crypt. 

A timid bouncer waved to him as he rejoined the graveyard party, crushing tombstones and hedges underfoot in his tyrannous rule. The skeletons loyally returned to his side once more, and Sebastian became the ring leader of a nightmare parade. He waved to his subjects as glowing hoops were skillfully thrown around his neck, wrists and tail, decking him out in royal glowing attire.

He led his army to chase down a small herd of Expendables, cornering them before crushing them into mush that the skeletons frolicked in, dressing themselves up in the punctured corpses and laughing amongst themselves.

A radio screamed static from inside the bloody pile and Sebastian stretched himself down to pick it up, too lazy to get down from his stone tanks. 

“ Remember, your mission is to reach the top of the church tower and shut this party down. Hurry up, I wanna go trick or treating. ” a bored voice droned from the machine.

“ Awww, why shut it down? I’m having sooo much fun with my new friendssss. ” he slurred, his tone dangerous.

Panic immediately broke out on the other side of the line at the sound of his voice, and Sebastian took pride in the obvious panic in their voices as his name was shouted throughout the control room of headquarters. An authoritative voice began barking orders at him and he crushed the walkie-talkie in his palm.

“ Alright numbskulls, you heard the man. I want half of you stationed outside of that church at all times. No skin suits can be allowed in and ruin my party, got it? ” he said.

Sebastian himself ventured to the highest tower of the church, wanting to personally ensure that he was as much of a pain in UrbanShade’s arse as possible. After all of those drinks, he needed a bit of air. 

He surveyed the chaos he had created with pride from his vantage point, relishing the sight of mangled piles of Expendables laid out beneath him as the warm glow of a fire billowed smoke from the other side of the mosh pit, his stone friends wreaking havoc on the once neat cemetery. 

The glow sticks that decorated his body were broken and leaking. The music pounding in his ears faded into a dull headache as the ground below him spun, his vision blurring.

-

Sebastian groaned, peeling a wet strand of his messy mop of hair out of his mouth. His head throbbed, having been carelessly thrown onto his pillow the night before. Blankets tangled around his torso, drenched in a clammy sweat. His first hangover, and it was hitting him far harder than he’d anticipated.

He winced as he sat up, groggily rubbing his face with his trembling hands. He blinked the exhaustion from his mind, glancing over at his bedside table.

A plate of eggs and bacon smiled up at him with a glass of water at its side, the food still wafting steam. A note sat beside it, which he read as his parched lips took a small sip.

I hope you had fun last night! Just don’t forget to take care of my little boy.

Love,

Mom.

Chapter Text

You had checked every escape pod, panic room and locker. 

Sebastian was nowhere to be found.

Worry clutched at your heart, slowing you down to a weary pace as you continued to ransack the Blacksite, desperate for a glimpse of that unruly black hair and sunkissed skin. 

You cursed yourself for ever leaving his side.

You avoided the other Expendables, knowing they would only slow you down. Their exploding diving gear was just another thing to steer clear of, as you had short circuited yours the first day you arrived. The knowledge from your years of internship were finally coming in handy.

However, you weren’t here for some dumb crystal like the rest of them, you were here for your friend. You had purposefully become incarnated after hearing of the emergency shut down the place had gone through. Despite everything, you still believed that he was still alive down here somewhere.

He had to be.

All the other Expendables raved about horrors, monsters with thousands of eyes and rotting flesh that screamed down the hallways and piles of meat that struck out from behind false doors. 

You didn’t believe even a word of it, chalking it up to nothing more than scary stories to pass the time. You vaguely knew of the horrors that were once contained here from your internship, but it seemed like UrbanShade had extracted or exterminated them already.

The worst you had ever experienced was tripping over something and rolling your ankle in a dark room, and the taste of saltwater that never left your mouth. A dull clanging in the vents trailed you everywhere you went, though you had never found anything in them but leaking water and debris.

You sighed, your fingers fumbling with a drawer handle before you scavenged inside. The manilla folder promised answers, but deeply disappointed you as you only found blocks of blacked out text. 

You were hoping to find Sebastian’s file to discover his whereabouts and what had become of him, but your searches always turned up empty.

The lights flickered.

Knowing they would restabilize on their own, you ignored it. In a place like this, faulty lights aren't uncommon. Worse case scenario, you would just have to continue in the dark.

Continuing to search, you found a few more folders and flash drives, wishing you had a computer to run them on. Despair clawed to the forefront of your mind at the thought that all info on Sebastian might have been digital. Unless you found a working computer (you failed at resurrecting those you had come across) you would never know his fate.

The bulbs on the walls flashed again, and you let out a frustrated groan, sitting on the cold metal floor.

This whole thing was a disaster. 

There was no way you could possibly find your friend down here in this labyrinth. 

With your palms pressed against your eye sockets, you vaguely registered the sound of something shrieking in the far distance. You ignored it, assuming the pipes were just letting off steam as they usually did. The horrid sound grew louder, and you peeked your head out from between your arms, ready to glare at whatever idiotic Expendable was making such a racket.

An ungodly smell of rotting fish flooded the air as the screaming grew louder. Primal instincts urged you to run, and you scrambled upright once more, before your legs froze in fear. The decrepit face of your death burst through the doorway, giving a chilling shriek as it laid hollow eye sockets on you.

You wanted to throw up, and you knew you were going to die.

The vent above you was ripped open by powerful claws, and a large serpentine body dropped from the ceiling, the only thing standing between you and the hideous creature.

“Back off, dimwit. I told you, THEY ARE MINE . Go find your own fish food!” a familiar voice yelled.

A clawed hand pushed you further behind your savior, a thick, scaly tail coiling around you protectively. Numb with shock, you gawked up at the creature, recognizing that messy mop of curls in an instant.

Your ears rung as the amalgamation of rotting flesh shrieked once more, as if in defiance. Your friend towered higher over it, hissing venomously and smacking it over the head with a desk lamp. It whimpered and ran, its tail between its legs.

The serpent let out a frustrated huff, running a hand through his hair. He seemed to remember you after a moment, glowing eyes giving you an unreadable look that made your blood run cold.

“ Funny meeting you here...”

---

Your fingers trembled as you gingerly opened the cover of Sebastian’s folder, and the tail coiled tightly around you gave a reassuring squeeze. The sabotuer’s chin rested on your hair, watching silently as you read through the report. Despite his cold nature, he seemed afraid to let go of you, as if it would risk you disapearing again.

The small room you were currently in was only dimly illuminated by Sebastian’s lure, the drone of a powerful fan the only sound to be heard besides the soft breaths that ruffled your hair. A few tables cluttered with knicknacks rimmed the room with a familiar guitar tucked carefully in the corner. Other than that it was bare, his large form filling most of the space.

A wet drop darkened the page, and you found yourself crying. The folder was removed from your hands with a heavy sigh and placed on a nearby table. A large face hid against the back of your neck.

“ ...you said you believed me… so why did you…? ” he whispered. His words came out in choked whines, and a deep frown marred his face as he covered his eyes with one hand.  

The hurt in his voice dug into your own troubled heart, and you turned to Sebastian. You reached out to him, but he pulled away from your touch, his tumultuous emotions over your betrayal spilling over after all of these years. 

The dark eyes you had fallen for were now luminescent and icey blue. They glared into your very soul, before the look crumpled into one of intense hurt and betrayal. Your own heart mourned.

You explained everything to him, apologizing profusely for leaving him in the dark for so long.

“I-I didn’t want to leave you, Sebastian. But I had to. They said if I ever saw you again, they would… hurt you.” you finished.

“Well, spoilers! I’m hurt anyway, with no hope of freedom ever again. And you somehow got yourself roped into this nightmare. Gee, what a neat plan.” he spat. His once soft and steady voice was now powerful and shrill, punctuated by deranged laughter.

Unpleasant memories from earlier came rushing back, and you felt immensely grateful for his protection and how he had been in the right place at the right time. All the stories the Expendables told were true, but Sebastian had been watching over you this entire time and keeping you safe. Your cheeks grew warm, remembering when he claimed you as his own.

“Sebastian, were you following me? Why didn’t you ever let me know? I was worried sick.” you said.

You gently stroked your fingers over his now pale skin, and he hesitantly leaned into the touch, wanting to trust you once more, but feeling entirely uncertain.

“Don’t flatter yourself, I have better things to do. ” he huffed, then paused. He let down his guard, just a little bit to be honest with you. “ I… didn’t know if you wanted me back… I mean, why would you, when I look like-” his voice broke.

You kissed him softly on the lips, and he flinched, before slowly melting under your touch as you gently tangled your fingers in his curls. 

He certainly wasn't the same as he used to be, but beneath it all, the hurt and the scars and the time apart, you still knew in your heart he was the one you would never stop fighting for.

“I will always want you, Sebastian.”

Chapter Text

You slunk through the shadows, watching as the Expendable reached for the golden, glowing crystal. 

The air hummed with its energy. It struggled in the human’s grip, not wanting to abandon the submarine it had supported for so many years. You jumped a little as you saw a triplet of glowing eyes pop out of the darkness, a wooden bat swinging with cool calculation and clubbing the prisoner over the head.

Slick as oil, a serpentine creature similar to you slithered into the light, laughing maniacally as he pounded the brains out of the already unconscious Expendable.

He sighed with satisfaction, a peaceful smile on his pale lips.

“ Ahhh, that felt good. Eh, Painter? ” he asked the empty room.

A projector on a nearby desk whirred to life. A sudden bright light stung your eyes as a large square face appeared on the wall, mirroring the creature’s pleased nature with a scribbly smile.

“ My favorite part was when they were dead! ” a computerized voice replied.

The serpent chuckled fondly.

You scrunched your nose at the powerful stench of blood that now fills the air. With one glance to the still murderous giggling duo, you decided you didn’t want to risk the same fate befalling your own skull. Turning invisible, you creeped towards the crystal as quietly as you could.

The stone shivered in your grip as you gently tugged at it, before a firm hand grabbed your wrist. Uh oh. Your scales flickered, shifting back to your usual white as all four of your eyes blinked up at him. You gave a sheepish smile. The creature didn’t look amused, though just a tiny bit impressed.

The face on the wall looked rather confused, a gun jumping down from the ceiling and pressing against your dorsal fin. 

“ You uh, want me to finish the job, Sebastian ?” it asked.

Sebastian’s cold gaze scanned over your inhuman body and he made a noncommittal noise, unsure what to do with you. He had never seen anything like you before. Well, other than UrbanShade’s other lab rats, all of which he had killed. However, you were certainly different.

His grip around his bat tightened, and you could see the fury building in his features, like you reminded him of something unpleasant. You put your hands up in a placating manner, reaching into your clothes to pull out a folder. 

He tsked, flipping it open and scanning through with disinterest. All four of your eyes searched in different directions for possible escape routes as he read.

The document detailed your mission in this Blacksite, just a small detour in your organization’s plan to shut down every illegal company around the globe, and help failed science experiments like yourself. Whether he would believe it or not, you had no idea. 

Collecting the crystal was a vital component to keep power away from UrbanShade.

You had learned of him in your briefing for this mission, though most information was vastly unknown. You knew that at some point he had existed, but nothing further. 

Sebastian was a rather unpredictable variable in your organization's grand scheme.

“ Sooo, uh, we having sushi tonight or not? ” Painter asked.

Grimacing at the remark, you became acutely aware of the cold metal digging into your back once more.

The serpent locked eyes with you, searching for something. He tucked the folder into his satchel, not letting go of your wrist as he led you out of the room.

“ No. Fishsticks and I need to chat. Alone . ” he said, his voice devoid of tone.

The screen’s face flickered, frowning sourly. Instead of its usual deranged chipperness, it spoke with a desperate fear that bit into your soul, reminding you why this organization was so important.

“ But you’ll be back, right? You promised- ” it sputtered.

Sebastian didn’t respond to a single one of his pleas.

Painter glared at you, sticking out its digital tongue in bitterness before the heavy door slammed shut behind you. A large clawed hand grabbed your collar, slamming your back against the metal wall. Sebastian glared at you, his look intense as he waved the pages in your face.

“ I want in. ” he said.

- - -

After collecting the crystal and Painter from the submarine, you left the Hadal Blacksite forever. 

Sebastian sat in the submarine, watching the dark water pass outside, his face softly illuminated. The AI’s dark monitor was tucked protectively under his arm. He kept you in the corner of his eye at all times. You read a file, two of your chameleon-like eyes glancing up at him occasionally.

From his defensive posture, you could tell he was expecting to be backstabbed.

You tried not to be offended. If he went through anything like you, he’d been through a lot.

Reaching out to him, you placed a hand on his arm. He sat up with a jolt, fury flashing in his eyes as he slammed his tail against the floor in warning.

“ Don’t. Touch. Me. ” he hissed.

As startled as you were, you put up your hand in what you hoped was a nonthreatening manner. You apologized to him calmly, keeping to yourself from then on.

Once returned to the facility, the serpent was briefed and given proper training, all of which he excelled at. Painter was set up in the facility's Library and was free to do whatever he wanted. He weeped digital tears of joy, the saboteur patting him while rolling his eyes.

To your and Sebastian’s surprise, you were assigned as bunk mates (he’d insisted on being top bunk). But more importantly, mission partners. 

When you were at the institute between missions, he would sneak out of the barracks at night and go scavenging for supplies. A stash of guns, knives, and bags of animal crackers were hoarded under his mattress. Cloaked in your invisibility, you would often trail him on his escapades, just to make sure he wouldn’t get in any trouble. 

You kept his little secret, but placed a note on his bed assuring him he had nothing to worry about. Neither of you said anything further on the subject, other than him muttering a thanks, rubbing his neck.

Despite his dead-pan and sometimes off-putting nature, you found yourself becoming fond of him. The way he dove into a problem head first to stop UrbanShade, no matter the cost. He was an admirable partner, making sure you never went into a mission unprepared. 

He was dismissive of higher ups and made it clear he would do whatever he damn well pleased, but he was very good at what he did. Together, the two of you had completed more missions in a faster time than any other recruits. The twisted company was now on its last legs.

Your abilities complimented one another. Sebastian’s brains, speed and swimming ability were useful in any mission, and your ability to look in multiple directions at once and camouflage in any environment made you quite a formidable team. Even when the odds seemed stacked against you, you always pulled through.

He pretended to be unbothered when you lost your arm to a cannonball, but was very careful about getting you out of the shipwreck you were currently working in without further casualties. You reassured him that it would grow back, because of all the reptile DNA you had been mixed with. However, he had insisted on bandaging you up and getting it disinfected due to your own inability to do so.

Even when no one lost their arm, that became a recurring activity. To tend and care for another when wounded, or sick. He no longer writhed under your touch, and the two of you became close. You would spend late nights chatting, him eventually entrusting you with the story of what happened to him. You had been experimented on before him, but he had still been through so much.

Nights like these, you would throw crackers in the air and catch them in your mouths, just for the child-like fun of it. The serpent was always impressed at your sticky, darting chameleon tongue that could catch something from more than a meter away.

- - -

Tonight, the heating in the ship was malfunctioning. 

You were shivering so hard it shook the metal bunk, every cold-blooded creature you had been mixed with fearing frostbite. Your teeth chattered, and your breaths became visible puffs.

Sebastian’s head popped down from above, three glowing eyes glaring at you even as he took in your sorry state. He popped back out of sight. An annoyed grumble came from the bunk above you, a tail swinging down and slapping your side.

“ Get up here. ” he said.

Hesitantly, you clambered up onto his bunk. His face remained in his usual state of disinterest as he twined around you, your two serpentine bodies raveling around each other. His pale skin was warm, and you let out a grateful sigh as you dethawed. 

It was nice to be around someone like yourself. Even though there were many visible differences, such as your two arms and four ear fins, four eyes and lack of esca, the two of you still found solace in each other’s similarities.

You understood each other. 

His large clawed hand rubbed down the fins that went from your hips to the tip of your tail, trying to warm you up with the frictional heat. Your opal white scales flashed red, and he chuckled. You brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes, the two of you gazing at each other for long moments.

Eventually, you tucked your head under his chin and fell asleep in his arms.

There was no more fear in your mind.

Chapter Text

Sebastian’s lure shown in the dark, casting an eerie glow over the dim servers. 

The low tune he hummed echoed around the room.

“Oh, Painterrr~” he called in a singsong voice. 

The computer’s metal body trembled as he shifted away from the sweeping search light. With his eyes scrunched shut and his camera off, he could more clearly hear the terrifying noises of the creature slinking throughout the room. Each crinkle of paper caused a spike of fear in his core processor. 

He could feel the faint vibrations through his fingertips, and they were growing closer. 

“I know you’re in here. I can smell you.” he said.

Irrationally, the AI pressed his hands silently over his screen where his mouth was. He knew it would do nothing to stop the beast from tracking him down. The fragile hope of escape was further crushed as that dreaded tightness started in his chest, his internal fans feeling clogged.

He wheezed, his body spasming as he forced the cough inside his larynx still. After far too long, the coughing fit died down.

But now, the room was silent .

Flooded with dread, Painter’s eyes shot upwards with terror. A triplet of glowing eyes burned down on him.

“ Found you~ ” 

The AI fought against the hands grappling with him, those dangerous claws digging in and getting comfortable. He cried out for mercy, forgiveness, anything. 

“Please, Sebastian, I promise I can work, these past few days they were just a- a mistake! I-I-I misplaced my calendar! Please, I’ll do anything, I’ll- ” he pleaded.

The serpent grinned at him as he babbled, satisfied in his catch. Like a shark watching a minnow.

Before Painter could even scream, a soft pair of lips brushed against his, and Sebastian began kissing him, his lower body becoming wrapped in a scaly tail. The AI’s struggles ceased as he melted under the gentle touch, leaning into the hand that cupped his screen.

The larger pulled back with a satisfied hum, toying with one of the two slender antennas that sprouted from the computer’s monitor. A heart-shaped spark jumped between the appendages, Painter becoming increasingly horrified. His mouth was unable to stop running, only halted by the press of a clawed finger.

Just as the other opened his mouth to speak, something awful and completely unexpected happened- the AI sneezed . 

Wide-eyed, both of them gawked at the thin coat of dust that was now coating Sebastian’s hand. Mildly disgusted but nevertheless amused, the serpent wiped it on his suit coat. He would have time to over dramatically berate the other for it later.

“Admit it.” he said, smug.

“Fineeee… I’m sick. " Painter whined.

“And?” he pressed.

“ I shouldn’t be working, like you said… I’m sorry for avoiding you all week… ” he said.

"Hmm... I'll consider accepting your apology for the small price of 5 kisses." he propositioned.

Painter's nonexistant stomach flipped like a warm pancake, wanting to pay the price for his crimes.

Sebastian nuzzled his face against the screen, every fiber in Painter’s being finding the gesture adorable, but the rational part of him screaming that it wouldn’t last. Anyone he’d ever gotten close to had been ripped away from him. 

The AI sneezed again, and the serpent dangled a tissue just out of his reach, making the other jump for it. The weakness the computer felt took all fun out of the act, his vision becoming blurry as his mechanical limbs gained weight.

Painter’s limbs short circuited and he panicked as the ground grew close, quickly being caught by Sebastian. Those strong arms and glowing eyes regarding him with care made his nonexistent stomach churn.

“I-I’m okay! ” he yelled, flustered. 

---

Painter was not okay.

He became even less okay-feeling when Sebastian shut down his shop to care for him. They were supposed to be making progress, connections with an outside company! But no, his dumb body had decided to get sick and bring everything to a screeching halt. 

His sickness had made him a burden on their entire operation. Even brainstorming a creatively offensive note with Sebastian for the Expendables didn’t improve his mood. 

Being close to the serpent would mean losing him. So even in his weakened state, the artist attempted to escape. He tried to get back to work, feeling a suffocating need to be useful. Each time he would be caught, scooped up, and loved on by the creature while he was carried back to their nest of couches and blankets in the shop.

Painter struggled in Sebastian’s arms like he always did, whining pathetically as he was peppered with kisses. Heavy coughs forced their way up his throat, a dark liquid spraying onto the hand he held over where the vile substances left his system. His hand shook as his eyes bore into the splotches, and for the first time, he felt genuine, overwhelming fear of his illness.

It wasn’t going away, and it was getting worse.

He tried to hide this from his caretaker, but failed miserably when he violently hacked up a glob of the dark substance onto the couch. 

Sebastian didn’t leave Painter’s side after that.

An unspoken terror hung between them as the situation continued to worsen. The creature tried to joke and pretend everything was fine, but it so clearly was not fine. Sometimes the AI cried from the pain, sobbing his desperate desire to cling to his miserable life. He wanted so badly to be close to the saboteur, wrapped up in the warm embrace of something so strong and alive.

Cold plagued him, and basic functioning became impossible. Yet he stayed on his side of the couch, crumpled up in a tight metallic ball. He snapped at the serpent often, helpless and terrified. Nightmares of being buried under tangles of wires and beeping lights of complex medical equipment wreaked havoc on his mind.

Nightmares became reality when an alien device was pressed gently but firmly over his airway as Sebastian began using a nebulizer on him, needing to hold him down to do so. The size difference made it easy to capture him and hold him still, but he found it incredibly hard to see his computer hurt.

“You’re gonna be fine, Painter. Don’t be such a baby. I’ve got you, and I’m not letting go.” he would say, his voice strong, even as it crumbled at the edges.

Painter yearned to be strong. 

He feared being alone, but was even more afraid of having someone in his life again. Despite his best efforts, Sebastian seemed to have broken in and found a permanent place in his own chaotic way.

As repulsive as the computer virus was, the kisses never stopped. The serpent would press chaste kisses all over the AI’s screen and down his body, occasionally lingering in a specific place. Honestly, these moments of warmth were the only thing keeping the artist alive. The one thing he had to look forward to, savoring every touch and look.

 Only after hitting rock bottom he no longer fought, letting himself be held and cared for. That just encouraged his caretaker further, to the point where there wasn’t a moment they weren’t touching in some way. Sometimes the artist even initiated the contact, which he was overwhelmingly rewarded for.

Sebastian barely ate or slept, Painter feeling an intense gratitude as he realized how thoroughly the other had put his own life on hold just to care for him.

Slowly but surely, the devotion paid off as his condition improved. He could now breathe on his own, execute basic functions, and leave the couch they had been living on for the past couple of weeks. He found himself surprised by his own desire to stay close, no longer out of necessity, but because he felt secure enough to do so.

Sebastian helped Painter feel strong, and maybe that was enough.

Chapter Text

Sebastian stood, gazing into the sheet of shiny metal propped against the wall. 

Trapped inside the material, a monster stared back. Sebastian did not want to know the monster, and from the disgusted and terrified look on its face, it didn’t want to know him either.

The man opened his mouth, as if to say something, but found he had nothing to say. The monster mimicked him, and he glared at it, before flinching at the pure fury he saw reflected in those glowing eyes.

His mind was a war zone, the creatures he had been mixed with shrieking to be free. The anglerfish, whale, shark, shrimp, and so many others, each voice melded with another. They couldn’t understand what had happened to them, and they were scared. The headache was unbearable.

Sebastian dug his hands into his neglected mess of curls in an attempt to ground himself, but was further startled as the sharpness of claws cut into his scalp. His breathing became loud, panic overtaking him as the animalistic side won.

The monster in the mirror shrieked, and he stumbled backwards, becoming tangled in a large tarp and thrashing desperately for freedom. Sharp metal dug into the alien parts that covered his body, and he screamed, consumed with fear as the shrieking rattled the walls. The lights shattered, and he was lost in the darkness.

Fat tears burned down his cheeks as his struggling died out. 

He was trapped, and would never be free.

His vision became a blur, only steadying once it fell on the metalic body that was now crouched beside him. When it had gotten there, he didn’t know.

The familiar face of Painter glowed down on him, those scribbles contoured in a way he didn’t understand. He was speaking, but Sebastian heard nothing. A warm hand brushed through his hair, the screen gazing deeply into his eyes.

The AI stood, and the man continued to lay listlessly on the floor, watching the other like a depressed animal. With a flick of his wrist, he flipped open a compartment that held a small shotgun and began shooting the other free.

The creature screeched in fear at the light and sound, struggling against its confines. The machine held it still, precise in each shot until the mess of tarp and fishing lines were undone. His struggling stopped gradually as he realized he was in no immediate danger. 

He remained motionless as the other sat beside him, his head being carefully pulled onto those metallic legs. They were warm, machinery and electricity humming beneath. Sebastian focused on the sound, finding comfort in the familiar sensation. A hand carded through his hair, gently undoing any tangles. The motion was clunky and unpracticed.

Slowly, he felt himself lower back into his body, as one might lower themself into a vat of acid. Metal fingers were rubbing over the monster's fins, and it felt surprisingly nice. A shudder of pleasure wiggled his dorsal fin, the cold dread slowly fading into numbness.

His breathing became less shallow, and he caught bits and pieces of the computer's anxious chattering.

“ You’re not dead, right? Because I was kinda looking forward to updating my body- but no rush! ...is this how you ‘comfort’...? ” he trailed off, sounding entirely uncertain.

With a groan, Sebastian removed his head from the other's lap and sat up. He patted the monitor as if it were an alarm clock.

“ F minus for effort, ” he graded, feeling drained. His voice cracked, not feeling like his own. “ Now, about that update… ”

The man got up and collected his welding tools as if he were an outside observer, several times forgetting what he was searching for. The computer continued to blabber on in the background, following him around the small room they had temporarily set up in.

Once he had nothing left to busy himself with, he was forced to face the reflective metal once more. He quickly became prisoner in his own head, only saved by the arms that struggled to loop around his broad chest. Over the monster's shoulder peeked the familiar face of Painter, who was beaming at Sebastian.

Warm palms pressed against his pectorals, the whirr of machinery dueting with the thudding of his own heart. Painter’s tail twined around his, the paintbrush attachment he had recently engineered smearing vibrant goopy paint over his dull scales in an affectionate manner.

The monitor nuzzled against his face, the AI contentedly watching them in the mirror and drinking in the details. A familiar click indicated that he had taken a picture, no doubt to reference for a painting later.

“ What? We look great !” he said, in his defense.

Sebastian was astonished by the rueful smile that quirked at the corners of the monster’s pale lips, the triplet of glowing eyes crinkling at the edges. The third arm of the creature, which stuck out like an eyesore, trembled as it reached around and patted Painter on the back.

The computer arched into it like a cat, beeping out a little song as it rubbed its face against the monster’s. Now that he had a body, he was a glutton for affection. A small spark jumped between the monitor and the gross glowing protrusion coming out of its head. He could feel the clunky legs of the machine jumping eagerly on his tail, using him as a stepping stool.

Painter somehow adored the thing he had become, but Sebastian was still struggling to come to terms with it. 

They had been friends before… all of this. He would frequently spend his lunch breaks sneaking in and downloading computer games in exchange for information. The bond between them was further strengthened when the AI helped him escape captivity, and things became concrete when they liberated the monsters of Hadal Blacksite together.

Eventually, the mania died down, and they were now trapped in the hell they had created. 

And now they were… this. Whatever this was, he didn’t know. All he knew was that he didn’t mind when Painter touched this body, no matter how wrong it was. 

Now he was helping the computer gain his own body, because that would make him happy. Why, he was bouncing off the walls of joy when he wasn’t having an episode with his split personalities. 

Sebastian had never paid attention to the reflections in the metal he scrapped from the Blacksite, or maybe it had always been too dull or dirty to show reality before. But now the truth was staring back at him with all three eyes, waiting for him to make the next move.

The creature was fearsome and formidable. Instead of being disgusted by it, the man straightened his posture, now trying to fit into the other. He could never go back to his old body. Adopting this one was the only option. They said he was a monster, so why shouldn’t he be?

He found he quite enjoyed how he loomed over everything like a merciless god. Goosebumps ran down his pale skin. No one could ever hurt him again. He was in charge now.

Painter's face and arms flailed over his shoulder, attempting to perch on his shoulder like a deformed metal parrot. He smiled, laughing at the ridiculousness of the sight. The monster was happy, and Sebastian was too. Things would be okay…probably.

The computer squirmed happily when three hands closed around his slim waist, gently setting him down on a nearby desk. Sebastian then pulled out his welding tools, feeling almost sorry to see the reflective metal go when he would have celebrated it hours ago.

Painter leaned into every touch, relishing each sensation. He was a little difficult to work with, but the man found he actually enjoyed the challenge. It allowed his mind to rest, focusing on the task at hand. The creatures in his head were quiet whenever the computer was around, interested in what he had to say.

Glowing beads of metal decorated the machine’s body as the saboteur worked out the kinks of his welding. The AI was giggling, kicking his legs back and forth. They made small talk, discussing the new expendable protocol UrbanShade would be putting in order soon. 

He ran his tongue around the inside of his mouth as he concentrated on the finishing touches, disliking as it stilled on the sharp point of an unwelcome fang. The cumbersome tail attached to his torso slapped against the ground in frustration as he huffed. 

Something shattered to the ground, and he cringed. 

He manually rotated the machine's limbs, making sure the new attachments hadn’t impeded his movement. An important question came to mind.

“... Painter, do you like your body? ” he asked. 

“ DO I? DO I??? ” the AI said, his voice pitching high as the smile on his face turned impossibly large. 

He returned his companions hand to his knee, drinking up every sensation like a drunk who knew they were about to be cut off. The sensory units that had been added to his body seemed to throw him for a loop.

“ Having any body is a dream come true to me, especially this one. It’s a piece of art, the imperfections make it unique. ” he swooned. 

He put his arms out, making a gimme notion with his fingers. Giving a long suffering sigh, Sebastian moved his face into those hands and instantly had the screen pressing against his face. 

“ I love your body too, Sebastian. No matter what it looks like. ” he murmured. 

For a moment, all his ditziness was gone, replaced with a strong sincerity that stirred something in the man’s heart. He smoothed his hands down the metal arms, giving the other an intense look. Painter had helped him more than he could ever know, just by being there.

The screen glitched, the blissful smile transforming into a beeping alarm clock.

“ Shoot! I forgot we were playing telephone! EyeFestation told me to tell you that they wanted to teach you how to fish today! ” he blurted out.

Sebastian rolled his eyes in amusement as he followed the computer skipping down the halls, listening to him chatter about different types of fish that he had been looking forward to painting.