Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

No.

That wasn’t right.

Kel knew it in his bones–as strongly as he knew what one plus one was, as familiar as the muscle memory of a layup on the basketball court by the park, as soon as he had met her. Aubrey was nice. You don’t treat nice people like… that.

He frowned, crouching lower to hide behind the giant oak tree that sheltered him. The day at the park had been nice so far; a picnic with Mari, a few games of tag, and even a sleepover later that night if they were lucky. The sweet summer sun was a perfect opportunity to have some fun, and so even when Hero got worn out or Sunny couldn't catch up, Kel had taken advantage of it. Only, weirdly, Aubrey wasn't there; now Kel knew why. He frowned, watching as his friend scrambled to reach her stuffed toy as two older girls held it above her head, taunting her as they laughed between each cruel jab.

"Are you seriously gonna cry?" One of the two in front of her sneered, tossing Mr. Plantegg to her friend before she rolled her eyes. "I hate kids like you. Always crying for your daddy or the pastor as if he's gonna do anything."

The young brunette hiccuped, just on the verge of a sob. She clawed at it as it slipped just over her head and into the hands of the other teenager, who just burst out into hysterical giggles as she caught it. "Maybe she needs to learn to share," the other one suggested, turning mock-sympathetic and babyish at the end with a flutter of her eyelashes. "Or maybe... just maybe... she's a fucking loser with a mom who doesn't come to church anymore, huh?"

Kel winced, but his eyes stayed glued to the scene in front of him, like a car crash he couldn’t look away from. He felt paralyzed, and yet, clearly his hands still shook as he kept watching, terrified. Where was Mari when he needed her wise advice?

“God,” the other scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Don’t even get me started. I see her at the grocery store every other day, and you know what she’s always buying?” She bent down to look Aubrey in the eyes with a twisted, cruel smile, still demeaning even with words as painful as broken glass. “Cheap booze. Too busy drinking to pretend like she cares about her snitch kid.”

Oh.

What?

Oh no.

Aubrey froze just as he had, her wails abruptly coming to a sharp stop. Her voice trembled quietly as she uttered out one more plea: “Stop.”

“..P-Please.” Aubrey swallowed, her voice thick as she sat there in front of them, waiting with red cheeks and a trembling lip.

A beat passed, and then finally, one laughed once more. “Nah. We’re like, totally best friends, right? And best friends can tell eachother anything, so here it goes.” Aubrey’s eyebrows furrowed and her jaw tensed on the verge of a yell, her fists balling up in the breath of silence. “We’re just preparing you for the real world. No one likes a Christian who doesn’t act like it.”

And then, Aubrey started to cry.

That was the final straw. They were friends. Waiting around for Hero or an adult wouldn’t cut it; he had to act now.

Kel couldn’t stay in one place for any longer; his hyperactivity could be just as easily funneled into a fit of impulsive anger, and it sure wouldn’t stop him at this point. His sneakers ripped away from the grass as he yelled, barrelling into the one with Aubrey’s plushie and trying to wrench it out of her hands. Both of them shrieked with surprise, caught off guard.

“Ugh, get off me, you twerp! What, are you her boyfriend or something?!” The one holding the stuffed toy screamed over the commotion as the twelve year old just grunted with effort, sinking his fingers into Mr. Plantegg as he scowled at the older one.

“Give it back! That’s not yours!” He yelled, stumbling in the grass as he felt the hands of the other one try to rip him away, her nails painfully sinking into his skin. He clung on like a thorn, though, desperate to get it back as he scrambled to keep his hold on it.

The girl clutching it smirked. “Oh, and you think you can— OW!” That smirk quickly turned into a whiny yelp as he slapped her hands away, grabbing Aubrey’s plush toy before the girl behind him shoved him to the ground. He winced as he barrelled towards the cool dirt, the impact rough as he hit it before he felt a hand clutch his own, and pull him ahead. He opened up his eyes, meeting Aubrey’s.

Her cheeks dusted pink for a moment before she frowned, sure of herself. “Come on!” She called, his response of a nod quick as he buried her stuffed toy in the crook of his elbow and followed her lead. They darted through the grass, the sound of the teenagers’ confused and hostile cries faint as the two both ran faster than they ever thought they could. 

Their feet roughly slammed against the blacktop of the basketball court, the slippery grass in the park, the tight squeeze of some dense bushes before they finally both collapsed with a sigh of relief, finally alone… somewhere. For what felt like hours, they just sat there in the grass, listening as the two girls bickered in the background.

“Ugh— ow! He pushed me! Where’d those two idiots go?!”

“I dunno, Alice.. Ow.. maybe we should just go home.”

“What?! We can’t do that! That’s… embarrassing!”

“…How?”

“Pfft… how. Katie, that means we lost to a bunch of 12 year olds. Everybody’s gonna hear about it unless we show them what’s what.”

Kel snuck a glance at Aubrey, nervous. Sure, he was able to help her back there, but if they found out where the two were hiding… well, it wouldn’t be good. She looked bewildered, probably feeling the same way. They kept quiet, listening to the two continue on.

“Well… nobody else was here to see it, right? As long as we just keep our mouth shut and.. don’t mess with them again, they won’t tell their parents.”

“Even if they did, only one of them has parents who might care.”

Kel scowled, leaping to his feet before Aubrey grabbed his wrist, looking up at him silently. “No,” she mouthed, her face desperate. 

He faltered, dropping back to the grass as he gave her back the stuffed toy. Fine. He watched as she buried her face in it, her breaths slowing down. His did the same, watching as her chest rose and fell—in, and out. In, and out. It was weird how glad he was that she was okay.

Ugh.. those are sappy thoughts, Kel. Don’t think those about her. He frowned, sticking out his tongue before he heard the two girls finally walk away.

“Alright… let’s go home, Katie. Say we got… mauled by a tiger, or something.”

Crunches of leaves sounded as the two walked away, before finally, Aubrey let out a small giggle. Kel looked up, curious as she burst into laughter, hugging Mr. Plantegg even closer as she looked excitedly at him. “A tiger! Kel, I can’t believe you did that! We did that!”

He beamed right back, flexing victoriously. “Heck yeah! They should know not to mess with Kel the Awesome,” he bragged, smug.

Aubrey raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “What? No one is ever gonna call you that.”

“Wha— yeah, they will!” He barked back, frowning.

“Will not.”

“Will too!”

“Will not!”

“Will— okay, jeez, fine. Can I get a thank you now?”

She huffed as she fumbled with a strand of her hair, giving in with a reluctant nod. “Okay… fine. Thanks, Kel. You really saved me back there.” She smiled slightly, her grin sweet as she looked at him with shining, teasing eyes. The very look of it made his heart pound loudly in his chest, a quick ba-dump, ba-dump that made his cheeks warm and his eyes wide.

“Maybe you’re less annoying than I thought… hehe.” She offered, hesitant.

He scoffed, pretending to be offended as he draped a dramatic palm over his forehead. "Wow.. and all the bruises I got for you!"

"Wait, don't tell me they actually hit you? I thought they missed!" She gasped, concern washing over her expression.

"Uhh.” He faltered, trying to come up with something quick. “I mean, they tried, but they didn't even get a chance!" Kel felt his ears redden with embarrassment as he spoke, clearly not very convincing. Aubrey only let out a snort of amusement at his embarrassment, reaching into the pocket of her cotton-candy pink shorts to grab a band-aid.

“I always keep these for when I scrape my knee, going on my bike…” she explained, slowly peeling away the wrapper to reveal a girly one, with bunnies on it. “Sorry they’re not your type of thing. I don’t really have anything else.”

He winced, before letting out a hesitant sigh. “Eh… it’s not a big deal. It’s lucky you had them at all.”

“Aaaaand.. here we go! There, dummy. Now you don't have to lie about it.” She smiled a bit, her gaze quietly distant as she plastered them onto his elbow and his knee before she pulled back to meet his eyes.

The feel of her smooth fingers etched a weird fluttery feeling over his skin, as if he was soaring through the clouds above him. It was a crazy, amazing feeling, and it left him thinking. He stayed oddly quiet as he gazed up at those very clouds—now orange and pink, as the sun set on another summer day. They floated effortlessly, and calmed him as his murmured words barely even seemed to register against his own ears. “Why were they being so mean to you?”

Aubrey’s frown was audible in her soft voice. “When I went to Sunday school, there were rumors about how my mom was making a fool out of the church. They just don’t understand that she’s… sick right now.”

“Sick?”

“Just… really sad. I dunno why, but everyone else thinks that it’s because of me,   so they’ve been mean to me about it.” Anger seeped through. “When I finally told a teacher, they got detention and well… that happened.”

He frowned, looking over at her. “I’m sorry, Aubs. That really sucks.”

She nodded. “Yeah… it did.” She paused for a moment, before brightening up quickly with a determined grin on her face. “But, hey! Maybe they’ll leave me alone after this, right?”

“Yeah!” He enthusiastically agreed, before teasingly pounding a fist against his open palm like a cop in the movies. “And if they don’t… they know what’s comin’ to them,” he swore darkly, grinning as she burst into a fit of giggles.

She hummed with thought for a moment, before suddenly, he felt lips peck at his cheek. He felt his face turn a flustered rosy red as he looked over to Aubrey in awe, bringing his hand to where she kissed him. She smiled with a similar blush forming on her cheeks, hugging her stuffed toy closer to her chest.

“You’re a good friend, Kel.” She said softly, before her cheeks seemed to heat up even more as she got up, backing away. “I’ll… um, see you tomorrow, right?”

He stared at her, dumbfounded. “Uh… yeah.”

“Alright then…” she giggled, grinning at him before waving quickly. “Um. Bye!”

And just like that, Aubrey ran back into the bushes, leaving Kel sitting in the grass with a heart that only pounded faster and faster in his ears. He couldn’t control his growing grin as he sat there, before leaping to his feet and pumping his fists victoriously in the air. “Yes!” He whooped, on top of the world as he looked at the hideout around him.

Maybe he should bring the others to this place… a picnic would be fun here.

He couldn’t wait for tomorrow!

Chapter Text

Everything had changed since Mari had died.

One thing in particular had changed, though, and that was the fact that Aubergine Adams wasn’t the girl she once was. She had thought on this specifically one morning as she was looking out the window of her morning bus to school.

Aubrey had become someone almost entirely different; her happy, hopeful and romantic demeanor had faded into one more stoic and on edge. Without her childhood friends around to keep her enthusiastic, Aubrey had molded to the new people around her (in particular, a group of troublemakers called the Hooligans). She had become just a little more bitter and just a little more distant, and honestly, Aubrey didn’t completely think that was a bad thing as she grew up. She was turning into someone who could defend herself from danger, someone who was horribly hurt but slowly getting back up again, and she took pride in that.

Her mind flashed through memories of the past few years—flashes of Basil’s first attempt to get his photo album back:

When he had grabbed her and tried to stop her from running away in the lunchroom, Aubrey had torn herself from his grip with an alarmed yelp. The green, worn photo album was kept safely away in the crook of Aubrey’s elbow, while her other hand was free. Aubrey needed to protect herself from him—Basil was a threat ever since he had destroyed the photo album, and nothing could change that. Even if Aubrey had changed, so had he. 

So, she did what she had to do; before Basil could get too close, she grabbed a baseball bat that was resting on the wall, and pointed it at him with wide, terrified eyes. “Leave me alone, Basil,” She had demanded, her voice shaky. 

He obliged, stumbling backwards, and that night, Aubrey looked up how to impale her new weapon with nails. She had a strong smirk on as she did it, knowing that now, she had the power. 

flashes of how Aubrey had felt bleaching her hair:

She didn’t mean to do this. Aubrey’s hands shook as she looked at herself in the mirror, gazing at a face she didn’t recognize. Her hair, once a silky brunette that she could run her hands through forever, was now a messy, frizzy blonde. It was unnatural—the blonde was too yellow, and it made that core part of her identity so different than it once was. 

She frowned, bending down to reach under her sink as she intended to grab a bottle of pink hair dye. Her gloved hand paused as she lingered for a few moments. A few moments turned into a few minutes, and as the time passed, Aubrey forced herself to pick the bottle up. 

Why wasn’t this working? Why was she hesitating?

She hadn’t been able to tell, but just as soon as she tried to squeeze some dye into her palm, she watched as the bottle fell to the floor with a clang. Aubrey couldn’t find the will in herself to keep going, not when her hair was already this bad without supervision. Doing this alone seemed… disastrous right now, especially when she was just about to enter highschool. 

What if the kids made fun of her? What if it came out patchy and wrong? Aubrey couldn’t take that risk, and so she shoved the bottle back into her cabinet and tried to make do with the mess of her hair now. She tried to ignore the quick patter of her heartbeat—thrumming quickly and unsteadily, like a kick-hat instead of a reliable bass drum.

It seemed that even if her hair was important to her, it would just have to wait. Aubrey picked up her comb, took an anxious breath in, and ripped it through her blonde locks until they didn’t have a single tangle. She scrunched her eyes closed the entire time.

And finally, flashes of how she had felt seeing Kel with his new friends after Mari had died:

It had felt… unsettling, to say the least. Aubrey had watched him closely during all the years after Mari had died, and they hadn’t spoken a single word to each other since. At first, Aubrey had felt hopeful. If there was anyone she could trust to stay the same, it was Kel. And, yet, her childhood friend seemed to move on from Mari’s death without any qualms about it. Some days Kel would come to school looking like he had cried the morning of, but on most, he had just smiled that same goofy grin and kept living the same way he always had. Aubrey was in disturbed awe as she watched it all play out.

She found herself waiting in longing desperation that he would just talk to her even once, but their conversations were always short and uninterested. When Aubrey asked him about how he felt, he would just smile and say “I’m great”. Nothing more to it. Nothing real. It irked her and hurt beyond belief, but in a way, she had become jealous of who he was now. He seemed happy, social and completely normal without a care in the world. How could he move on so easily when Aubrey felt tempted to break down into sobs most days?

He wouldn’t even ask how he was, but Aubrey bet it was because he could tell. Her eyes gave way to eyebags underneath, little bruises of violet that showed just how little sleep she had been getting. More often than not, her lips and nose were puffy and pink from the tears that she had shed or the sniffles that she had held back. She looked like a mess compared to him, and had never felt so bleak about it until now.

However, sooner than later, that bleak disappointment formed into cautious, hostile curiosity. Aubrey didn’t like him anymore (or so she told herself), but as much as she tried to keep her distance from him, she always was captivated by his ability to keep moving forward. She studied his behavior with furrowed brows, noting how he would hang out with new people, how he would sometimes catch her gaze and smile slightly, how he seemed to be everywhere she was. At the beach, at the park, at Hobbeez…Kel found his way into Aubrey’s life without a single word, and sooner or later, it intrigued her.

How could he be so happy when Aubrey was at one of the lowest points in her entire life?

How could he have been so happy after leaving her? Her mind played this question on repeat.

It infuriated her how much she thought about him. She noticed him everywhere, and it was torture; missing something she couldn’t have. The touch of his hand, the crinkle of his eyelids, the lingering tension the two shared when they had been close—it was awfully nostalgic, but it was real. Aubrey let herself be caught up in the fond memories of it all for months, but when they started to fit the present… well, she needed to back off.

 Missing the way things used to be was one thing, but Aubrey started to heavily repress her feelings when they unconsciously spiraled from “why won’t he talk to me” into, recently, “why doesn’t he like me like he used to”. At that point, Aubrey had started to cover up those woes; storing them in a safe in her mind, where they were locked away and never to be seen again. She promised herself that curiosity was one thing, but it didn’t change the fact that when Aubrey had lost Mari, she had lost Kel, too. Like cotton candy placed on her tongue, Kel was sweet and fluffy for a few seconds but soon lost without a real trace to treasure him by—only a sweet, sugary aftertaste.

As a bonus, Kim seemed to hate Kel with a passion, and so that had started to rub off on her as well. What else could Aubrey do? She had no one else except for The Hooligans, and when they didn’t like someone, Aubrey had to force herself to see neutrality as her enemy. It was hatred or love, good or bad, black or white and there was no in between.

Aubrey sighed to herself as she felt the bus come to a screeching halt. The bus driver yelled something Aubrey didn’t care to listen to, and quickly, the rest of the students on the vehicle filed out of it one-by-one, all excitedly chattering to each other about sweet nothings that they pretended to care for. She didn’t say a word, but followed suit, grabbing her backpack and hoisting it around her shoulders before stepping off of the bus, still lost in speculative thought.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like the Hooligans… she did. They stuck together like glue, and would never leave one another behind if they could help it. Aubrey acted as their leader, and she could admit that it felt nice to be surrounded by people who would back her up no matter what. While everyone else in her life had left her at some point or another, Aubrey felt safe around the other troublemakers.

And yet, they were so different from her. She wasn’t truly able to be vulnerable around them, knowing they wouldn’t understand what she had gone through with her past friend group. None of them had even known Mari, and they chose deliberately not to know Kel or Basil because of Kim and Aubrey’s feelings about the two, so it became apparent that they never would. Not even Kim. 

Things were simpler this way, Aubrey reminded herself. What the Hooligans had going was nice, and the delinquent didn’t want to risk it all for some stupid feelings about her childhood friends. Even if the thoughts of everything that had happened still laid fresh in her mind at night, when she woke up, she would act as if her memories were caked in dust in the corner of her mind. Never to be seen, touched or felt if not by a furious hand.

She ended her trail of thoughts as she stepped into the gym, looking around for a moment before spotting Kim waving to her from the corner along with the rest of the group. Aubrey sat down beside them after walking over.

“Hey, Aubrey!” Kim spoke first, her voice chock-full of enthusiasm as she waved eagerly. The brunette was sporting a black hoodie with the ribs of a skeleton on it, and if you could look closely, you would notice that the thumb holes of her hoodie were torn fabric, as if she had cut them herself. She wore purple, starred jeggings with holes at the knees and chunky white sneakers that Aubrey couldn’t figure out how to walk in, and as she sat comfortably, Aubrey felt a hint of jealousy prod in her gut. After all, she was only wearing what she normally wore these days: a jade green bow, a black tank top, a dark green sweater and black pants. Maybe she should have dressed better…?

No. Aubrey pushed the thought away and waved back, already feeling a smile tug at the corners of her lips. “Hi, Kim.” She continued on, looking at the rest of the Hooligans with shining eyes: Vance, Charlene, Angel and… eugh, The Maverick. His new blonde wig looked pretty disastrous, and Aubrey kind of wished Angel would follow suit, just for how funny it would be. She tried to avert her eyes away, but it was like looking away from a car crash; she just couldn’t do it.

“Aubrey, tell me,” The Maverick started, and Aubrey didn’t know whether to burst out laughing or to cringe heavily at his forced deep voice. “What do you think of my new hair? Do you think it’ll make the ladies say yes to my invitations to the dance this Friday?”

Vance raised an eyebrow. “Wait, you’ve asked multiple girls? What did they say?”

“Well,” he purred, and Aubrey couldn’t control it. She clasped a hand over her mouth and started to shake with laughter. “They all said ‘of course, you ravishing raven’ and they rolled their r’s like this.” He then proceeded to try and roll his r’s, failing just as miserably as she had guessed. It looked more like he was trying to spit than anything.

Aubrey shook even harder, wheezing silently along with Kim. Meanwhile, Vance frowned in confusion, clearly not approving while Charlene just looked away, her cheeks turning red in second-hand embarrassment. Angel looked at Mikhae—ah, Maverick with a puzzled furrow of the eyebrows as he leaned forward.

“What? They all said ‘stop asking us’ and tried to shove you out of the way, boss,” the younger boy responded. Now even Charlene started to giggle as The Maverick shrunk down in embarrassment, his hands clenching into fists.

“I told you not to tell anyone that!” He barked through gritted teeth, before straightening back up with totally-real confidence. Quickly, though, he seemed to recover—jumping to his feet and throwing out his arms in a victorious pose with a wide smile. “Don’t worry, everyone. That doesn’t mean a no!” He announced much too loudly to save Aubrey’s social life. 

“Yes, it does,” Kim quipped back, her voice monotone as if she had heard his antics a million times before. To be honest, she probably had. 

“No, it doesn’t!” The Maverick snapped back, and soon enough, he and Kim were in a full-blown competitive argument: betting their lunches, betting other people’s lunches, betting who had to pay for Gino’s… Aubrey wasn’t interested. The arguing had reminded her of Kel though, and soon enough, Aubrey was looking around the gym, trying to spot him curiously.

Ah, there he was. Kel was sitting on the bleachers to the right of Aubrey, grinning as he popped in an earbud and listened to a song on a pretty girl’s IPod. He nodded his head along, chuckling lightly as his friend made a sly remark and nudged a little closer. She noticed how the girl’s pretty blue hair made little beach waves at the bottom, and how her eyes were a pretty olive that drew Aubrey in. That had to be his girlfriend, she guessed. 

Aubrey didn’t know why she felt so annoyed at that prospect—they didn’t talk anymore, right? Kel had shown her loud and clear that he didn’t want anything to do with her, so why did she still care at all?

Well, he is gross, even if he’s cute. Aubrey smirked to herself. It makes sense that seeing him and another girl would make me want to gag. 

Wait. Cute?

Aubrey, get it together already, she internally groaned. Kel is not cute. Not even close. 

“Aubrey, how about you?” She whipped her head around to face the others, startled with eyes about as wide as a clueless toddler. Aubrey shook her head, letting her hand drift to her temple and eyebrow for a second before responding oh-so-gracefully:

“What?”

“Do you have a date?”

Aubrey looked at Kim for a second, confused, and the girl just quickly shook her head. So, when Aubrey looked back, she responded with a clear “no”.

“You don’t?!” The Maverick gawked, and Aubrey knew what was coming. Ugh. “Aubrey… please, be mine! Come with m—“ He was almost immediately cut off by Kim pushing him with a frustrated groan, that was soon joined in unison with Aubrey (although, quieter on her part).

“I’m not going with you, Mikhael.”

“It’s The Maverick! Not Mikhael!”

Charlene smiled slightly, bending down to gaze at him through her dark, wavy brown hair. “Mikhael,” she softly teased.

“AH! Et tu, Charlene?! I’ve been betrayed by all my comrades..” He sighed dramatically, throwing a hand over his face with a sunken frown. It made Aubrey think—even though she didn’t talk to him much, she had to admit his acting abilities were on point. His “woe was me” act was really starting to convince her that he actually wanted to be called that. Hmm…

“Jeez, dude, you’re starting to sound like your siblings,” Vance laughed, and just before Mikhael could retort back, the bell rang. Aubrey hastily got up, and as her friends ran ahead of her to beat the stampede of busting high school students walking out the gym doors, Aubrey felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around.

“Oh,” she sounded. “What’s up, Kim?”

“Well, I just wanted to let you know that our homerooms are each picking two people today to help with Friday’s dance… you know, to set up and stuff,” Kim trailed off, and Aubrey tilted her head, questioning.

“…And?”

“Well, if you get picked, you might have to team up with…” Kim paused, to hiss out her final letters as she turned her friend around so no one would see her whisper loudly, “K-E-L. So be on guard, okay?”

Aubrey crossed her arms, stepping away with a small grin. “Please. He’s gonna have to watch out for me.”

Her friend snickered, bringing a hand up to her mouth. “Alright! Let’s go, Aubrey!”

Quickly, Kim held out her fist. “Here’s to not getting picked.”

Aubrey took the bait, bumping her fist against Kim’s. “Here’s to that.”

Aubrey and Kel got picked. Of course.

Well, it did make sense, she supposed. While Kel talked all the time in class and never did too great on his schoolwork even as a kid, Aubrey was so quiet and obedient in class that unless she was near her friends, Aubrey would sometimes go a whole day without talking. However, the fact that she was a delinquent made her whole image seem much less “Mari” and way more “dangerous quiet girl”, even if she never stepped out of line in class. She wasn’t surprised the teachers wanted a break from the two of them.

As they started walking down the hallway, Kel smiled at her, putting his hands in the pockets of his orange shorts. “So…it’s been a long time, Aubs.”

Feeling awfully like Mikhael, Aubrey winced at the prospect of her nickname, wanting to hide in her sweater. “Don’t call me ‘Aubs’.”

 “Why not?”

“We haven’t talked in years, Kel. We’re not going to be on a nickname basis for a while.” She responded bluntly, causing Kel to reel back with a sheepish grin as his hand rubbed his neck. 

“Okay then, yeesh. You’ve gotten cold since we last hung out, huh, Aubrey?” He teased with a nervous chuckle. Aubrey just stared ahead as they walked with a raised eyebrow, ignoring the anxiety that swelled in her stomach as he commented on her words and her actions. She was just defending herself! He, of all people, should have known that after all the fights they used to have.

“Hmph,” She hummed pointedly, before turning to stare up at him with a silent frown, her eyes dark and (hopefully) brooding with an intimidating aura as she intertwined her hands behind her back. Kel’s pretty brown eyes widened as she felt herself getting closer, closer… ah, she had to stop right there. Their noses almost touched, and honestly, she was trying to ignore the rising heat in her face as they came close. 

“Cold?” She questioned, her voice low as she scoffed. “How’s this for cold?”

Kel swallowed for a moment, seeming to process as Aubrey got a sense of satisfaction. Good. Now she could be the mysterious one.

Except…right as she started to revel in her victory, she felt his index finger tap her nose playfully as he beamed, breaking into a laugh full of felicity. “Boop!” He exclaimed through his chuckles.

Aubrey stumbled back in surprise, clutching her nose as a fierce blossoms of blush exploded over her cheeks. “KEL!” She yelped in surprise, already feeling a flurry of childish butterflies start to flutter in her chest and stomach. 

He wiped a tear from his eye, ruffling her hair casually. Aubrey swatted his hand away stubbornly, but Kel seemed unaffected as they neared the gym. “Ah, sorry! I just couldn’t resist.”

Aubrey exhaled softly, trying to calm herself down as she grumbled (maybe internally?) from embarrassment. “You’re…insufferable.. Let’s just keep moving.”

“You got it!” They continued on.

“So..” Aubrey tried to make conversation about literally anything else. “Who do you hang out with now?”

“Ah.. let me think. Jay, DJ, Josh..” He started, listing off friends on his fingers so easily that you would think he had hundreds. He probably did, honestly. 

“You have a lot of friends with ‘J’ names.” She snorted. Kel just shrugged in response, not seeming to care either way.

“Well, there’s Cris!” He mentioned, his eyes lighting up with excitement at the mention of the girl who Aubrey had seen sitting next to him that morning. At the mention of the girl’s name, Aubrey immediately recalled hearing chatter about her… she was new, right? And maybe into swimming or something? It piqued her interest for a reason she couldn’t give.

“Is that your girlfriend?” She guessed, slightly amused. Kel blinked, surprised, before throwing his hands up in denial quickly, waving them as they spoke.

“What? No. She just got back from private school a few days ago, and plus, she’s not even into…” Kel trailed off, but Aubrey could see what he was getting at, and nodded awkwardly. 

“…Oh.” She replied, trying not to let her voice show any emotion one way or the other.

“Why? Do you like her?” Kel asked obliviously. To that, Aubrey’s eyes widened as she crossed her arms.

“That’s none of your business, Kel.” She brooked.

“I think it is.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re friends. I wanna know what’s going on in your life!”

That caught her off guard. They hadn’t talked in years, not after Mari died, and yet Kel still considered them as…? 

“…We’re friends?” She echoed, distant.

“Yeah. Of course! Don’t you think so?”

“I don’t know… I guess.”

As the two walked into the auditorium, Aubrey looked around, taking in everything around her with widened eyes and an awed feeling. Even as just a normal high school dance, it was apparent that this was a huge project—some students were the muscle, bringing tables in and setting them up in the corners, while other students were the creatives, drawing up posters and cutting out planet decorations. Some kids were setting up lights with the help of teachers on the ceilings, ebbing a soft purple and blue glow around the entire room, while other kids seemed to be hanging up violet curtains that would soon cast a lavender tint over all the light ebbing through the windows. So far, though, the golden light of the morning was still streaming in through those very windows, the sunshine dappling across the hard wooden floors and the walls as if it had skipped from spot to spot. The whole room had a recurring outer space vibe, with even Captain SpaceBoy occurring on a few of the decorations. 

“Woah…” Kel breathed, bathing in the aesthetics of it all. Little dots of light meant to be stars projected all across the room, but as they found Kel’s face, they blended so well with his tan skin that they looked like violet and pink freckles; dappling across his features as if he were the milky way itself. The soft hues caressed his features lovingly, illuminating his hazelnut eyes more than anything. Aubrey fumbled with a strand of her hair, searching for something to say, but she couldn’t find the right words.

What was she feeling? Aubrey told herself she didn’t want to know, even if the answer ate at her inside, piece by piece. It was no use, anyway. She wouldn’t accept it, wouldn’t acknowledge its existence unless it was to be seen as static, unneeded thought—the idle child of a wandering mind. 

Suddenly, she was snapped out of her thoughts by a demanding yell, as she wrenched her eyes away to stare ahead of her. There, standing on the auditorium stage was Mr. Happy (one of the grumpiest teachers Aubrey had ever met, who always seemed to be yelling) and Mrs. Bangs (the older music teacher with bangs covering her eyes and a laid-back demeanor).

“MINCY AMERICANO, DEDE SYLVIA! SAY HERE IF YOU’RE HERE!” Happy yelled before blowing his whistle loudly. Aubrey winced, wishing she brought earplugs as she noticed the two artists call back in response.

“Shut up,” she hissed under her breath.

Kel looked over to her, puzzled. “What? I didn’t even say anything.”

“Not you, Kel.”

“Oh, my turn?” Bangs yawned, before looking at a sheet of paper she was holding. “Basil? Are Todd Packer and Basil Chrysanthe here?”

Eugh. Basil. Why did he, of all people, have to be here? A sour taste coated Aubrey’s tongue, leaving her frowning at his name, her eyes narrowed. She didn’t want to talk to him, didn’t want to remember him, didn’t want to know him after everything that had happened a year and a half ago. He had always seemed like a sweet and kind person when they were kids, but when Aubrey witnessed the way that he had destroyed the photo album, she had never been able to see him the same.

After what he did, forgiveness was much too good for him. 

Kindness was much too good for him. 

“AUBREY ADAMS AND KELSEY DESOTO?” Happy interrupted her thoughts for the second time, and this time, she forced herself to listen. Basil would have to wait.

“Here,” they both said in unison, before looking at each other as Kel mouthed ‘jinx’. Aubrey rolled her eyes with a small smile before Mrs. Bangs began to speak again, her voice soft and hushed. 

“Alright, so you both are on light duty. Susie and Cris, you can go back to class, thank you.” As she said so, the two girls stepped off of the latter they were standing on and waved goodbye to their friends before heading out, leaving Aubrey and Kel to walk over to where they were standing. 

Hooks had been set up on the walls, and all they needed were some colored, glowing fairy lights that would light up the space around the photo booth.

“Okay, so, all we have to do is hang up some lights, right? Seems easy enough.” Kel confirmed, grabbing a string of glowing bulbs. “I’ll get the top and you’ll get the bottom.”

“I’ll get the top.” Aubrey stated her antithesis with a hand on her hip and an unsmiling expression, completely sure of what she thought. 

“What? Why do you get to go first?” Kel’s smile faltered for a second, and Aubrey was all too familiar with that unsure expression as she frowned in response.

“Because I’m shorter.” She reminded him, her voice pointed. He smirked, reaching out a hand to ruffle her hair again, and once again, she swatted it away with an unamused huff. He shrugged, but leaned on the latter mischievously, his brown bangs falling over his eyes in such a way that made him look almost puppyish. When Aubrey tried to push him to the side, he wouldn’t budge.

Oh, so this was how it was gonna go. He was on.

“Let me through, Kel.” She murmured, just quiet enough for no one else to hear. Her brown eyes brimmed with nostalgic fondness as she gazed into his own. “We’re not kids anymore,” she reminded him, trying her best to sound annoyed.

“Nope.” He shrugged, a light snicker escaping through his words. 

“Let me through,” Aubrey’s voice’s volume increased, irritation and competitive nature seeping into her voice.

“Only if you say the magic word!” He singsonged in response, infuriatingly.

“No.” She shut him down with a deadpan expression, feeling the heat rise into her cheeks once again.

“Please? See, I just did it. You can, too.” Kel replied smugly.

“Okay, that’s it!” Aubrey exclaimed decidedly before attempting to shove her way through, her stubborn annoyance starting to get the best of her. Her hands flew to his shoulders, attempting to wrestle him away from the latter as Kel pushed back in response, merely leaning in her direction with seemingly no effort at all. It was clear he just saw this as a game—and maybe, just maybe, so did she—but if so, Aubrey would never let him win. She didn’t as kids, and she wouldn’t now.

“Just say it, Aubs,” he teased cheekily. “Weren’t you ever taught about being polite?”

“How did you… eurgh, get so heavy? Get out of my way, Kel!” She huffed, groaning with effort as she tried to shove him to no avail. Her eyes scrunched shut as she put a little more effort into it, trying to engage her core.

“Wha—“ Kel’s voice wobbled, as he stumbled backwards before pressing forwards even harder. Good. This was working. “You just get out of my way!” He snapped, a little louder this time. Aubrey thought she could hear muttered voices behind them, but as she put her back into it and stepped forward, throwing him backwards with a rough shove, it all seemed to drone away. 

All of a sudden, her foot snagged on a fairy light and Aubrey’s eyes widened.

Oh.

“Shit,” she breathed before knocking both her and Kel down to the wooden floor with a crash, feeling a flash of pain jolt up her body in an instant.

Aubrey grimaced, groaning with pain as she clutched her head and tried to shove her blonde locks out of her face. She laid wherever she was for a short moment, processing, before raising herself up by her arms and sitting on the floor. She looked underneath her, and drew in a quick, shallow breath as her face flushed.

“Aubrey… get off me, jeez..” Kel hissed through gritted teeth. Aubrey’s hands were placed squarely on the left and right side of his neck as her legs had been positioned on both sides of his own, and needless to say, it was pretty clear who had taken one for the team. 

“Ah! Sorry!” She squeaked, rolling off of him to sit beside him, unsure if he was still…well, fine. Her lips pursed with worry. “Are you good? Are you okay?”

Slowly, Kel brought himself up into a sitting position, wiping his nose to make sure it wasn’t bleeding as he narrowed his eyes at Aubrey. “You could’ve just said it,” he complained, a whine seeping into his voice.

Well, she did feel kind of bad. “Uh… please,” she echoed (somewhat dumbly). He nodded, satisfied, before huffing out a small chuckle—one that soon turned into a soft laugh, and then a loud one as he threw his head back. Aubrey felt a wave of embarrassment crash over her at first, but soon, she let herself laugh at how stupid the whole thing was.

“Why did you do that?” Kel asked between his laughs, his genuine smile so wide and goofy that Aubrey couldn’t help but grin back for once as she shrugged helplessly. For a moment, she took the time to look at him, to really look at him for the first time in years, and what she saw was… surprising.

She saw someone beautiful. There was nothing more to it, he just… was. With the golden-purple lights around them, illuminating his face with a soft glow, and his—his everything, he was beautiful.

Whatever choice Aubrey had to make about him, she figured she could wait on. This—right now—was more important than a grudge, than anger, than everything.  This was nice, Aubrey thought.

“I—I don’t know,” she stuttered, being lost for words with only a dumbfounded smile. 

“WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU TWO?!” The voice rang as loud as a scream in Aubrey’s ears, as she flinched and whipped her head around to stare at where it was coming from. Unsurprisingly, Happy and Bangs stood in front of them, as Happy crossed his arms with a mean scowl and Bangs blinked quietly, her thick black braid curled over her neck as if it were a serpent of some kind. While Happy seemed more pissed off than Aubrey had ever seen him, Bangs just seemed slightly dissatisfied.

Ah… who was that in the back of the two? Aubrey couldn’t make out their face, squinting to see more detail. 

“I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT AFTER ONLY A FEW MINUTES, YOU’VE ALREADY STARTED GOOFING OFF! THIS IS… THIS IS… UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR!” Happy hollered, stomping his foot to prove his point. Aubrey felt Kel trying to catch her gaze, but she wouldn’t get in trouble again, looking ahead with a small frown. “ISN’T IT, BANGS?! GO ON, TELL THEM!”

Bangs nodded slowly, her brown eyes slowly shining through her locks of black hair. “…Yes, it is. You two could have made the latter collapse, or the lights short circuit, or helpers become distracted. If you’re not going to do your job right, go back to class and don’t do it at all.”

Happy nodded so aggressively that his blonde hair—which he only had so much of, considering he was balding—started to swish around his ears. Aubrey let out an amused (half-annoyed) snort. “THAT’S RIGHT, BANGS. PERFECT STUDENTS LIKE BASIL HERE GET DISTRACTED BY ANTICS LIKE THAT.”

…Ah. Now Aubrey could recognize the boy in the back—the nervous, twig blonde who almost constantly had his eyes widened and his mouth twisted into a jittery frown. As he moved, he was quick, searching for something to set his eyes on that weren’t his childhood friends. Basil had dug his hands in the small pockets of his blue overalls, and had a small, dying tulip wedged behind his ear. 

Of course Basil told on me. Aubrey thought to herself bitterly. God, why won’t he just leave me alone?

“…However,” Bangs started. “I’m pleased you’re having fun. Just get back to work.”

Kel talked before she could. “Yes ma’am,” he grinned, eagerly rising to his feet. Aubrey joined him, piling up the lights in her hands as she felt the warm glow on her fingertips. It felt nice.

Happy nodded in response, and walked off together, leaving only Basil facing them with an unsure expression. Aubrey furrowed her eyebrows, itching to turn away and get back to work without a word. 

“H-Hi, you two,” Basil said, his voice small and frightened. “Sorry about all of… that.”

“Basil!” Kel walked forward, his hands confidently on his hips. “It’s nice to see you again, buddy.”

The nervous one’s eyes shifted to meet Aubrey’s. She was unwavering, her eyes stormy, her stance strong. She didn’t want to back down, didn’t want to move an inch. She would stay there, and do things on her own terms. She wasn’t afraid of him (or anyone else, for that matter). 

“Yeah… it is,” he agreed mildly. “I.. um. Are you two okay? I saw you fall..”

“We’re fine,” she found her voice cutting through the tension like a knife, cold and absolute. Kel glanced at Aubrey, concern gleaming in his gaze as he tensed slightly. Aubrey tried to ignore it, stubborn. 

“Ah… okay, then.. I’m glad to hear that,” Basil sighed, before turning away. “I.. I remember you two used to argue, but I’m glad to see you’re.. um, getting along now.”

“Of course!” Kel tried to lighten the mood. “We’re all still friends, aren’t we? No matter what happens.”

What could Aubrey say to that? She wanted it to be true—she wanted to still be close with everyone, if that was the way Kel saw it. Those words were everything Aubrey had wanted to believe when she was little. And yet, Kel had only started talking to her this morning because he was forced to (and even then, there was a lot to make up for after being ignored for the past two years). Sunny was gone, Hero would be off to college, and Basil… how could she trust him with something as precious as the photo album again?

Aubrey wasn’t the type to just… sit there, and lie blindly. She never was. Silence, though… that wasn’t lying, was it? She pressed her lips together and sighed softly through her nose, before she offered Kel an olive branch—a hesitant nod. It was a nice thought, at least.

“R-Right… well, I have to go back to class, so… see you later?” Basil said, stepping back with an anxious glance away.

“Oh! I actually need to drop something off at my locker.” Kel started, walking over to Basil as he slung his arm around the anxious blonde. “Can I come with you for a sec?” 

Basil stared at him, his eyebrows furrowed for a moment before he answered. “S-Sure.”

“Aubrey, do you think you can handle it from here for a little while?” Kel asked with a sheepish laugh, as Aubrey just rolled her eyes with a small sigh in response. This was Kel they were talking about. She wasn’t surprised she’d be doing most of the work.

“Sure,” she agreed, and swiftly, Kel swept Basil into the hallway, walking off without another word. Once they left, Aubrey picked up the lights and started to get to work on hanging them up along the walls—the wire threading through her fingers and stitching behind and around the hooks, her hand the needle of her creation. She quickly fell into a rhythm of out and in, taking in the pleasant silence of her surroundings as she worked. 

She was never really one for parties or dancing, but it was funny. When she was 12, Mari and Hero were the ones going to all of the parties, with innocent smiles and innocent dreams as they talked and teased each other about them. Mari would always get this kind of dreamy smile when she talked about them, exploring the depths of her imagination in her mind as she thought of the perfect light, the perfect dance, the perfect man (..Hero, obviously). Even the dress. Aubrey had always giggled at that, reminding Mari again and again that she looked good in every dress she found, but Mari would just shake her head with a firm yet kind smile as she said “not this one”. 

On picnic blankets, she, Sunny and Aubrey would lie down and make out shapes in the clouds together while Mari talked about what was going on in her life. Sometimes, she would talk about Hero, soft giggles slipping through her words as a rosy blush dusted across her cheeks. She would talk about how he was such a charmer, bringing her lilies or roses on dates or sometimes for no reason in particular, or about how Hero danced (awkward at first, with tension, and then eventually smoothly). Aubrey would pepper the conversation with questions, wanting to hear everything about the dances and the process. She savored every romantic detail, taking it all in with such enthusiasm that sometimes it startled even herself. Then, after it was all over, Sunny would murmur a thought, and Mari would humor him with one of her own in response, sometimes talking about something completely different. Aubrey would just sigh, content as she scooted up the blanket to join Mari at the front. 

Aubrey would process how she could have someone so perfect in her life as she let her eyes linger on each feature; Mari’s hair were brunette strands of delicate silk, draped over her face as if they were the curtains to her shining, kind eyes. When the sun hit them, those eyes would shine with an amber so vibrant that Aubrey felt at awe. Her skin was so soft that when goosebumps trailed over it, they would only be little crests in the ocean of it all, and she always smelled like lavender and vanilla perfume. Something so mature, and yet, so pretty—untouchable and perfect, just like every finite detail about Mari as a person. 

Aubrey could admit that part of her was in love with her friend as a child, and still (even just a little bit) in love with her after she was gone. She wasn’t sure if it was merely romantic, because to Aubrey, it was more an admiration of everything Mari was in a way that couldn’t be unbroken. Aubrey couldn’t help it; Mari was one of the sweetest, gentlest people she knew, who helped lead her through life with a steady hand on her back. She was in love with her laugh, her piano, her composure and her memory. She was everything to her friends, and especially, she was everything that a girl could want from a mentor and a big sister.

And then Kel happened. Somewhere along the way, Aubrey found something more childish, more nostalgic in her attachment to Kel. It was true—they bickered, and they bickered a lot, but yet, Aubrey always lingered closer to him in conversations just because of the natural order of their friendship. Mari was close to Hero, and Sunny was close to Basil, so Aubrey and Kel were left with each other to hang out with constantly. It was no wonder that quickly, they started to get close—their passionate arguments turned into long conversations. Somewhere after Aubrey kissed him on the cheek, she started to realize she had felt something for him that she had never truly felt for anyone before. His smile was her remedy, and his words were annoyingly funny, shocking Aubrey out of her quick anger with a startled laugh. 

In a lot of ways, they had just fit; things didn’t need to be complicated or hard for too long, because when it was, Kel was there. In turn, Aubrey was there for him. When it came down to it, they had more impact on each other than Aubrey had realized as a kid.

And Hero… Aubrey knew Mari and him were closer than anyone else in the group. She could tell from the way that he used to look at her—with such love and adoration that when Mari died, the light seemed to drain from his eyes. Hero was the mediator of Aubrey and Kel’s constant bickering, but even when he looked completely exasperated, Aubrey always knew that he cared for her as much as if he were her own brother. He always tried to help Aubrey when she was having trouble, whether that be on math problems or even friend trouble (although that was usually Mari’s job). He had cooked with her and welcomed her in when she had no one, and even though they hadn’t talked in years, Aubrey could never bring herself to be angry at him for that. She could tell he blamed himself for Mari’s suicide, and in a way, so did Aubrey.

She wished she could’ve been there in some way. Aubrey had no idea that her older sister (er, figure) was hurting—sure, before the recital she had seemed on edge, but that was nothing that a job well done couldn’t fix. She seemed so genuinely happy when she was alive that Aubrey didn’t even feel the need to worry. 

But now, Mari was gone. Aubrey was just left with her hundreds of questions, regrets and feelings, all tied to everything that had happened. How could she feel any better when Mari was in so much pain?

“Aubrey?” A familiar voice called to her from behind, and when she turned around, she knew exactly who it was. Right on the step below her, facing her with a concerned frown, was her partner—too close for comfort, too far for the antithesis. “Are you okay?”

“Um…” she drew in a breath, trying to clear her hazy mind. “Just thinking,” she replied.

“About…?”

“Nothing important.” Aubrey lied, shaking her head. “What about you?”

Kel looked up at her with eyes that shined with a more comforting, genuine happiness in them than Aubrey had seen in years. “Yeah. I’m okay.” 

She found her backwards grip loosening on the bars of the latter, itching to envelop him in her arms softly. It had been so long since she had done so, and even when she knew she wouldn’t, letting the thought pass her by didn’t seem to hurt. After so long of aching to hate him, she felt like she had finally seen a glimmer of sunshine—of hope—at the surface of the icy water she was drowning in. For the first time, Aubrey knew that things could get better as long as he was around, so she let him in.

Kel stepped down and offered her his hand to come down with him, and slowly, carefully, she obliged. His calloused, warm palm met her cold, pale one as they closed together, before interlocking in a way that implied so much permanence that Aubrey felt safer as she stepped down. In the air, it felt like there were pulses of crackling, electric fire between them, sparks seeming to pop with every passing second as if fireworks had been set off around her. Finally, she joined him at the bottom of the ladder, and heard a call that didn’t seem to be of much importance before the lights shut off.

The room was a watercolor painting of even more vibrant purples, rose pinks, galactic blues and solar eclipse reds, contrasting colors that swirled so very perfectly into each other that Aubrey could barely believe her eyes. The golden light had melted into warm lilac, covering every floor and ceiling fully with purpose. The lights they had set up on the ceiling and walls only added to the night sky theme, gleaming with warm, bright yellows that complimented the rest of the colors as well as if they had been added to the painting in acrylics instead of watercolor—while the rest of the colors in the room were streaks of violets and passionate blues, they were the splatters of gold in the sky that had looked so real that Aubrey forgot about everything else except for her and the boy next to her. Her eyes were wide as she took hundreds of photographs in her mind, documenting the chorus of ‘wow’s around her, processing the entire watercolor painting of a room with awe, remembering the wild butterflies in her stomach desperately flitting about before they had even left. 

“Wow,” she breathed, almost unable to say anything else that described how she felt as perfectly. “It’s beautiful.” 

That was an understatement, and yet, as Kel’s thumb rubbed against the back of her palm, she couldn’t think of any more words than that. She melted into the touch, feeling hot and cold all over as goosebumps trailed up her back—this was perfect. Everything was perfect.

“Yeah..” Kel murmured, his smile creeping into his voice, making Aubrey grin too. “Beautiful,” he added dreamily, his voice barely registering against everything else that she was feeling.

Quietly, Aubrey snuck a glance at him, her eyes brewing with a newfound joy and compassion that she hadn’t felt before. 

He was already looking back.

When Aubrey tore her eyes away, an embarrassed, hot blush overtaking her cheeks, she already knew what had been done. She would never, never, never admit it to anyone, but she knew.

Later that day, Aubrey had found a love letter slitted in between the holes in her locker’s door. She had already read it twice, but as she soaked in her bubble bath that night, she found herself reaching for it again. 

She sighed, perplexed and lost in thought as she ran her thumbnail under the seal of the envelope, gingerly pinching the letter between her fingers before relaxing a little bit lower into the water. Aubrey was cautious not to let the letter slip out of her hands into the hot water below as she opened it up and perused it curiously. It had seemed so out of the blue amongst everything else that had happened that day.

Dear Aubrey, 

Hi! I’m not sure if that’s the right way to start these kinds of things, but I wanted to let you know that someone out there really likes you. I mean, what’s not to like? Your laugh is adorable, and I really like your confidence. I kinda wish I was like that, too. All I can say is… well, never stop being you, okay? That’s your best self!

Sorry that I’m not gonna sign my name. Maybe next time I will, but right now, I’m still too much of a wimp.

She found herself smiling uncontrollably as she put it back into the envelope, sliding it back onto the floor as she pumped some shampoo into her hand. She worked a lather into her blonde hair, closing her eyes with a happy hum. Aubrey found herself falling in love with every word, as a light, fluffy feeling swelled in her stomach, a giggle escaping her lips.

Man.

She couldn’t believe that she was acting like this—Aubrey tried to stifle her smile, taking in a deep breath as she refocused. Aubrey? Bully, weird Aubrey, who had almost been kicked out of her church if it weren’t for her pastor? Stoic, unmoving Aubrey, who had refused to be anything but stubbornly strong at all costs, getting a love letter and believing it? She had changed, she thought. She was smarter now, she thought.

This had to be a prank. Something out of malice, something cruel or stupid to make her let down her guard. After all, kids had never been nice to her at school, and there would be no reason for anyone to start now. She doused herself in warm, soapy water, letting it trickle down her back. She had to think critically, without emotion.

And yet… it could’ve been Kel. It could’ve been anyone in The Hooligans, or even Basil. It could’ve been Kim, especially. She already had a lingering suspicion of who it was, but part of her didn’t want to believe it. It would change everything, flip it upside down on its head and absolutely destroy her. She couldn’t accept that.

She and him had only talked today, after he had ignored her for years. Why would she want anything to do with Kel after all that? Today was probably just a fluke, a mistake. Even if Aubrey would allow in some hope—that flicker of perfection she had felt for just a moment, she wouldn’t let herself get invested in anything more. At least, not out loud.

Aubrey would have to find the culprit to be sure, she decided.

Chapter Text

Over the course of the next day, Aubrey received two more “letters”… although these ones were more like notes. After Aubrey had raised her hand and gotten a question wrong in her math class, she had originally felt thoroughly embarrassed, shrinking back into her seat before quietly asking to go to the bathroom afterwards. When she had came back, there was a note slipped between the pages of her textbook, and when she unfolded it, she smiled at the goofy message.

“Hang in there!” It had read, with an (admittedly, pretty bad) drawing of a bat with sunglasses hanging upside down from a tree. The note reminded her so heavily of the posters she used to see in the dentist’s office that she winced a little at the sight of it, letting out a scoff of amusement as she folded it back neatly and stored it in her pocket. She had looked around the class, perplexed, but no one else seemed to be giving any signs that they had wrote it. Hmm…

Later, she had found another note stuffed in her pink cloth lunchbox, a gift from Mari with a few stars and her name embroidered on it, both neatly printed in silver. She and the Hooligans had also bought patches together when they had gone to this store at the mall, so it had also sported a patch of a skull, one of a bunny, and one of the quotes from Captain Spaceboy (“don’t cry, little lady, people have fought for less”). The note was messily written on orange paper, and it had been crumpled instead of folded, as if the culprit had threw it inside in a rush. 

“I always thought happiness started with an ‘h’, but mine starts with ‘u’!” 

She had sighed, rolling her eyes with quiet endearment, already knowing who had sent all three. Puns, cheesy notes, heartfelt messages… even if his brother was the romantic, Kel was a close second, and Aubrey had been well aware for quite some time. She just wasn’t really sure why he was sending these to her.

“It’s probably just as a prank, Aubrey,” Kim warned, her eyes narrowing. “I wouldn’t trust that punk if I were you!”

Oh, shoot. Did she say that out loud? 

Aubrey scooted a little closer to the wooden lunch table they sat at, taking a bite of the sandwich she had made for herself. She looked around, watching as The Maverick and Angel played rock paper scissors, while Charlie ate in silence, still paying attention to the conversation with wide eyes.

“Yeah, punk…” she slowly agreed, a hint of amusement seeping into her voice. “If he was really one of those, I think he’d be in our group already. Don’t you agree?”

She couldn’t believe what she was thinking, but as she said it, the puzzle pieces started to click in her mind. Kel was always true to his morals, most times to a fault. He always wanted to do what he thought was right, even if that was by incredible impulse, and part of her admired that. Aubrey could admit to herself that she thought his sense of justice and intuition to do the right thing were bizarrely his worst and best qualities at the same time. They probably made him a better person, but life was more than black and white like he thought it was. Aubrey couldn’t see him as similar to any of the Hooligans—not one bit, and she savored that. It was a nice change of pace.

“Don’t defend him. He’s a jerk.” Vance warned, taking a huge bite out of the taffy he was eating before crossing his arms suspiciously. “He thinks he’s so much better than everyone, especially us. Do you really want to hang out with someone like that?” 

“I don’t know…” Aubrey frowned. “I don’t think he does. I mean, if he did, he wouldn’t be sending me these. He wouldn’t have even talked to me.”

Kim groaned loudly, earning a few weirded-out stares from the kids at the other tables and Aubrey felt a rising annoyance build up somewhere inside of her. “Be serious,” Kim retorted sarcastically. “Aren’t you the one who always thinks rationally, or whatever? For years, Kel doesn’t talk to you at all, and just leaves you hanging. The minute that he’s nice to you again, you want to let him back in?”

Kim’s expression softened, as she glanced at the note Aubrey was holding. “I saw- no, we all saw how sad you were the past few years. But… now you’re recovering! You’re happy! You can’t waste that.”

Aubrey stuffed it back into the pocket of her skirt, trying to relax. She knew they were right. Kel was dangerous; if she regressed back into the depressed state she was in for the past three years, she wouldn’t know what to do with herself. 

“I know, I know,” she cut Kim off, waving her hands as she got up. “I know I should hate him, I know that’s the most rational thing to do but…”

She looked behind her, watching Kel at one of the high top tables for a moment. Laughing with his friends like he always did, with that same genuine grin he had always possessed, he was a drug Aubrey once swore she would never take again. Addictive or medical, warned against or prescribed, guiltily or protectively, she would take it with a realization that the effects were startlingly nice. That she missed feeling this sense of loving safety, of relief, even if it wasn’t anything more than a convoluted fantasy of immature, dumb, and… nostalgic desires.

The butterflies and the hopeful ‘what if’s had always followed her when she was around Kel, but now they were worse because this could be something. He had sent her letters—said someone out there had liked her—and that couldn’t be for nothing, right? They had a chance at making this work, and even if what Aubrey was feeling was nothing more than some silly crush, it was something. Even if it was embarrassing, real, and selfish when the little girl who got abandoned still deserved her justice, Aubrey wanted to try.

She remembered the sparks that flew when Kel had held her hand the day before. Aubrey would deny it, and say they were never there, that nothing had happened, but it had. She had another chance in her grasp at this, and if Aubrey wasn’t able to control the current, she would at least dive in and swim in the direction it took her. 

She didn’t have to take advice. She didn’t have to listen. Not to her mom, not to Basil, and not to people who didn’t understand what she had gone through. She didn’t try to speak about it, and they didn’t ask, so how could they know anything about her choices?

“I can’t,” she whispered, her voice softly brewing with an emotion she couldn’t describe. It was bitter, weak, soft and desperate.

“Yeah, you can,” Angel added in, still focused on the game.

“No, I can’t.” She snapped, her hands slamming on the table. Kim’s eyes widened in surprised confusion, as Aubrey stepped back, drawing in an unsteady breath.

“Aubrey, what—“

“I’ve lost Basil, Sunny, Hero… I want this to work out.” Aubrey looked away, her claim firm and unwavering. “Just once,” she added underneath her breath.

Kim sighed, walking up to her and grabbing her hands with a small squeeze as a small, unsure smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “Listen… I’ll support whatever decision you make, okay? It’s just weird to see you letting people in.”

Aubrey let out a quiet chuckle. “I’ve done it before, believe it or not, with someone you might know,” she teased, her voice playful.

“Oh, yeah?” Kim challenged, her hands on her hips as her competitive nature instantly seemed to dial up once again. Ah… classic Kim. “And who’s that? Me?”

Aubrey let herself break into a toothy grin of her own once again, grabbing Kim with one arm and immediately raising her fist up from the other before she quickly gave her friend a noogie. “No, a guy named Tim who lives in Antarctica,” she quipped sarcastically. 

Kim exploded into laughter, squirming away as she batted Aubrey off her. “Tim…sounds like an ass-face,” she responded with an exaggerated rich, British accent, before taking a bow to seal the deal.

Aubrey crossed her arms, retorting declaratively. “He’s gonna ride over on his polar bear and then you’ll see.” 

“You know, I once won a fight with a polar bear!” The Maverick butted into the conversation from the table.

“No you didn’t, Mikhael,” They both responded in stereo, before looking back at each other with astonished amusement.

“You do seem happier…” Kim started, stretching her interlocked hands out in front of her idly. “Just don’t make me see him, okay? I don’t want to be involved with a nerd like that.”

“I thought he was a punk.” 

“Same thing!” Kim barked, before looking around hastily and continuing. “But… you know what I mean, right?”

“Yeah.” Aubrey nodded, grateful. “And if I get my heart broken, we can make fun of him all you want.”

“Ugh. Don’t count on it,” Kim grumbled. “With the letters and everything… I don’t know, I think you’re doomed, Aubrey.”

“…Maybe,” she shrugged with a small exhale she didn’t know she was holding, before casting an appreciative (and yeah, pretty rare) glance at her friend. “But I’m glad you’re here with me through it.”

Kim’s eyes gleamed, before she looked away… shyly? That was an interesting development. “Yeah, yeah. Just go get him already, and leave me out of your weirdo love story.”

“It’s not a love story,” she huffed. “But… alright. Catch you later, Kim.”

“See you, nerd-in-law.”

The blonde walked off, lingering by Kel’s table as she took in a quiet breath and tapped him on the shoulder. Anxiously, she noticed as a few of the people at his table gave her a weird look and chuckled a little, but surprisingly, most of them didn’t seem to notice her presence. Good, she decided. It was easier that way.

Kel turned around, immediately lighting up as soon as he saw her. “Aubrey! What’s up?”

“Not much. Just some idiot’s been sending me secret letters telling me how much he likes me.” She smirked.

“…Idiot?” Kel’s eyebrows furrowed, already pushing away his lunch as he got up to face her. “That’s harsh.”

“You’re harsh.” Aubrey almost forgot how much taller he was now, having to crane her head to look up at him with an unamused expression. 

“What does that even mean?” 

“I dunno!” She hissed out impatiently, feeling more flustered by the minute. “You tell me!”

“How could I—“ he paused, letting himself calm down before replying back, his voice now hushed. “Let’s just go into the hallway, okay?”

“…Fine. C’mon.” She grabbed his hand promptly, and this time, Aubrey ignored the sparks as she pulled him through the winding halls of lockers until they got to a relatively darker spot. 

While in most other parts of the schools, the highschool hallways were illuminated by bright white lights, this pocket of space in the back seemed older. A few unused green lockers stood right below a large window, the lockers wedged between two closets: one that belonged to the janitor, and one that belonged to the gym equipment. Aubrey smiled a little as she noticed the natural sunshine streaming in through the windows, the dust visible in the light. It was almost as if everyone had forgotten about this familiar place…weird.

“Hey, where even are we? In the back of the school?” Kel asked, his voice small as he leaned against one of the dusty green lockers.

“Yeah, just about..” Aubrey started, glancing over at him. “See the gym equipment in that room?”

“Oh, yeah,” Kel nodded. “The storage closet. We sometimes have to go there for basketball stuff.”

“Right, so really… we’re behind the gym.”

“…Woah! That really is far from everyone else.” He remarked, before tilting his head, puzzled. “Why would you want to be here? No noise at all… no activity… heck, even that mural could use a touch up.”

“It’s good for beating people up,” she responded, her voice monotone as she looked at her nails with a slight grin. At his silence, though, she could assume was he was thinking as she snuck a glance at his shocked expression. 

“Kidding! Kidding!” She promised, rubbing her arm sheepishly as he let out a sigh of relief. “What? Do you really think I’d do that?” Aubrey hissed in a slightly wounded breath.

“I dunno…” he shrugged. “Probably not?”

She found herself thinking back to all of the times she had treated Basil poorly in the last few years. While Aubrey never intended on actually hurting him, she had used her intimidation to do the talking. It was like her nailed bat, for example. She never hurt anyone with it, never let it even get close to other people, and yet it said all it needed to say.

When she held it, she finally felt like a real threat, someone who was going to be taken seriously and not neglected or ignored ever again. Even if it was all bark and no bite, it was clearly enough to scare people off—it had made her the outcast, sure, but it was hers and only hers. And this time, her most prized possessions wouldn’t be stolen away.

This bitterness, this ruthless, sour anger… sometimes Aubrey was afraid it would swallow her whole just as her sadness had once. It was ugly and terrifying, just as much for Aubrey to experience as it probably was for the people around her. She wouldn’t apologize for it—especially not with Basil of all people—but she decided she could change the way that Kel saw her. She didn’t have to share everything about her, after all. Aubrey had a right to her secrets.

She changed the subject.

“So, why’d you send the letters?” She spoke, filling the silence with an unspoken offer. Kel obliged, frowning.

“You’re assuming without asking me! That’s like… a leading question!” He retorted crossly, causing Aubrey to huff with amusement in response.

She shrugged, eyeing him curiously. “Okay. Have you been writing me notes, Kel?” 

He smirked cheekily, his chestnut eyes glittering with a mischievous tint to them before he spoke. “Hmm…. who’s to say?” His voice came out as a drawn out tease, smug with just a hint of stifled, joyous laughter to it as if it were a myriad of colors wrapped into one silk string of words. 

God. She hated how much she liked him. She didn’t have time for this!

Aubrey spun around, facing right in front of him to grab Kel by the collar of his red and orange shirt in her fist, wrenching it away from his neck. She pinned him against the locker with a metallic thud, her lips curling into a snarl as she did so. “Just spit it out!” She demanded, her face flushed.

Kel yelped as she did so, his breath hitching as his mouth strayed closer than ever to her’s. If Aubrey focused any closer, she would notice how his pupils dilated, how he was bending down to gaze right at her, how his pretty freckles were in her line of vision—how she could study everything, if she wanted to. It gave her an unusual twisted sense of satisfaction as soon as she did it, even if she wouldn’t let that smirk once on his lips transfer onto hers. “Ah! Yes! Yes, I wrote them!” He nodded quickly.

Aubrey nodded, letting go of him and stepping back—finally letting that hint of a smile flicker on her face. Kel ran his fingers through his hair, grumbling with annoyance before he finally spoke. “Jeez,” he swore under his breath. “You know, if anybody saw that, they would get the wrong idea.”

She let out a small hum of thoughtful amusement, shrugging. “People have had all sorts of wrong ideas about me, and I don’t care.”

“I don’t see why,” Kel answered, curious. “We’re still the same people! That’s never gonna change.”

Aubrey shook her head. “For you, maybe. But for me… I’m nothing like I was before.”

And that’s an understatement, she added in the back of her mind. 

Kel raised an eyebrow as he chuckled, unconvinced. “You know, just because you have new hair doesn’t mean you’re not the same old Aubrey.”

She thought about that, thumbing a strand of her bleached hair before she responded, her voice small. “It’s not just the hair, it’s the…everything.” She explained, emphasizing the “everything” bit with her arms, spreading them wide out in front of her. 

It was her clothes, her demeanor, the way she approached new relationships—with people she wasn’t comfortable with, talking would never come easy to her. Aubrey would find herself tensing up and telling people to leave her alone before she would even give them a chance just because she had seen how horribly things had worked out with the last ‘chances’ she gave. Now, Aubrey made a real and genuine effort to be someone completely different, which for most people, she would swear was working fine. Atleast, everyone else seemed to believe her, and yet, Kel…

He saw her for the person she was once, for the person she was fighting to protect every day. She wondered if he was stuck in the past just like she was—terrified to let go of her iron grip on it—or if he just handled it in a healthy way, letting the memories flutter into his head when they deemed relevant. He looked like he had accepted it, understood how important it was to him, and let it go.

She couldn’t believe that. How could anyone do that when Mari had meant so much to everyone?

“I wouldn’t really expect you to understand, anyway.” She drew back in her body language, resting her hands in her pockets afterwards with a small frown.

Kel’s voice softened in concern. “Woah, hey. What’s that supposed to mean?”

She chuckled, somewhat bittersweetly. “I mean, look at you,” Aubrey said. 

“Even after all these years, you’re still the same popular, dopey guy. Everyone likes you, just like they always have. I can tell.” She added in the last bit under her breath, somewhat flustered as she turned to glance away hastily.

Kel pressed his lips together, thinking, as he fumbled with one of the bracelets on his wrist—a plastic, elastic one, orange with his name on it in bold font. Kelsey Desoto, Camp Sunbeam. It looked old, but still taken care of. 

“Yeah, but I mean… I have to try for it. It’s not like it’s something I do effortlessly, Aubs.” Kel responded, his words snapping Aubrey back into the present.

She couldn’t believe that. The way he acted… his social skills were probably some of the best in Faraway. “No? But it looks so real. And when we were kids, you acted that way, too,” she recalled, remembering his smile just minutes before.

Kel glanced over at her, his gaze skeptical as his brows furrowed in thought. “Well, it’s one thing to be full of energy as a twelve year old. It’s another to be like that when you’re older.”

Aubrey didn’t respond, and yet, she understood how he was feeling far too well. Even though they were miles apart personality wise, as kids, they really didn’t seem that different looking back on it. Despite all of the ways they clashed, sometimes Mari would joke it was because they were too similar—both strong in their beliefs about all of the small things they liked to bicker about, and both really emotional. Aubrey thought that’s what made them get along so well at times; when they agreed on something, it seemed permanent, and nothing could change the way both of them felt. 

Even now, as Kel was less enthused and Aubrey was less prone to passion (or so she thought, anyway), the core parts of their dynamic never really seemed to change. All these years of silence had gone by, and yet, they were still able to pick up a conversation as easily as if it had been left off. It was… weird, to say the least. Aubrey didn’t really want to think about it too hard, hasty to dive any deeper into her curious, wandering thoughts.

Aubrey's lack of response seemed to ignite something in him, though, as Kel got lost in thought as he continued to let his words flow out of him quickly. “If you want to look at someone who’s really universally loved, just look at Hero. I mean, have you seen how many awards he would always get, even when we were kids?” 

He scoffed, suspended in disbelief. “It was crazy!”

Yeah, I do remember that part, Aubrey agreed silently. Hero was always seen as the “golden boy” amongst the group; he was the perfect friend to help you out when you needed it, with the nicest manners Aubrey had ever seen and a cozy, warm demeanor that made anyone say ‘aww’. Compared to Kel, he wasn’t nearly as rash, and that made sense to Aubrey. He was the older brother, after all.

Yet… Kel was a good person, too. The younger one was always willing to cheer his friends up, sliding a goofy grin onto their faces before they even realized they were frowning. He was the heart and the backbone of the group; he should have been recognized for that. Aubrey remembered she had appreciated it as a kid, even if she couldn’t find the courage to say it.

“Our parents would always…” He paused, suddenly seeming to feel a rush of embarrassment.  Aubrey frowned in dismay. “I’m talking too much about myself,” he mumbled, his face hot.

Aubrey leaned right next to him against the lockers once again, except this time, she lingered a little closer. She caught the catch in his breath, transfixed by his saddened, unusual demeanor. “No, you can go on…” she murmured back, her voice gentle. “What would they do?”

Kel gazed back for a moment, his eyes wide and incredulous before he nodded, losing himself in his thoughts as he continued on without another word. “They’d—he sighed, and swallowed before continuing—they’d always compare us, especially ‘cause of my grades growing up. I mostly got B’s and C’s, but on rough days, I could even fail my tests.”

A flicker of frustration sparked in his voice as he threw out his hands. “Hero tried to tutor me, but I just couldn’t pay attention, and the minute I learned it, everything else I had to remember just seemed to…fizzle away, or something.”

Aubrey hummed in thought before she spoke. “I had trouble with my grades, too,” she reflected.

Kel chuckled in surprise, confusion seeping into his voice. “Really? But you seemed like such a good kid!”

Aubrey smirked at that for half a second. You thought I was a good kid, Kel? You, of all people…funny.

Soon enough, though, her lips pursed before she replied. “I never talked about it… I didn’t want to worry anyone, especially not Mari. She had enough on her plate with the duet, and my parents were in the middle of splitting up, so…”

Everything was pretty hard back then, even if nobody showed it. Mari was proof of that; none of us had a single fucking clue that she was depressed. She seemed so happy; so perfect, just like I did. It’s no wonder none of you noticed something was wrong; I never gave you a reason to think I wasn’t the happy-go-lucky little sister of the group.

Kel nodded. “Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. What happened, anyway?”

Aubrey thought as she spoke, recalling the tempestuous highs and lows of her parents’ relationship with a disturbing ease. A part of her wished that she could forget it all forever, to erase it from her memories and to never see it again. The only thing stopping her was… well, herself.

“My dad wanted to sell his company and focus on his job, but my mom really wanted him to stay and take care of me while she was out… partying, or whatever. Soon enough, she got really addicted to beer and stupid stuff like that.” Her voice drew reserved and quiet at the end, yet she felt unable to stop herself from speaking. It was as if her mouth had a mind of its own, her hurt words streaming out of it uncontrollably.

“Oh no.. Aubs. I’m sorry.” He responded, reaching out to clasp her hand. She didn’t let him, inching away as she lost herself in her memories for a few moments.

“By the time they split up, my mom had let herself go completely. She didn’t have a job, barely had anything to live for.” Aubrey felt her voice get raspy and bitter as she finished, her eyes dark and fogged with anger. “She doesn’t even talk to me anymore… just sometimes goes out and brings back groceries or a bad look on her face.”

Kel nodded, swallowing before he responded. “I’m glad my parents don’t have any problems like that… for the most part, at least. Sometimes they argue about money, but they’re trying to give us a really normal life, I think. They’re probably happy because they have another kid on the way…”

Aubrey’s eyes widened with surprise. “Seriously? That’s a big age difference.”

Kel grinned, the afternoon light from the windows seeming to once again gleam in his   crinkled eyes as he spoke, this time with an unavoidable enthusiasm. It made her feel childlike as she smiled back, itching to step a little closer, to let her knuckles brush his, to see the world in giddy pinks and enchanting purples once again. “Haha, yeah. I’m excited to finally have a little sister, though!”

Ah!

Aubrey couldn’t control herself—she gasped loudly, clasping his wrists with her hands, her eyes shining. “You’re having a little sister?!?” 

Kel let his chuckle seep into his voice, as smooth as molten honey streaming through the air. “And you say you’re not the same…”

Aubrey stuck out her tongue, squinting her eyes for a moment. “Shut up. What’s the name gonna be?”

“Sally.”

“Sally?! That’s cute!” She exclaimed enthusiastically, before she let go of his wrists and stuffed her hands into the pockets of her jackets.

“Hehe… yeah! It’s nice to see you so excited about this kind of stuff. Ooh, which reminds me..” Kel slid his hand into his pocket, pulling out a white folded-up note. It seemed pretty average to her…

“Here you go!” He cheerfully said, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

Aubrey took it, unsure as she held it between her fingers. “What’s in it this time?”

Kel shrugged, taking care to seem extra light and innocent. Aubrey didn’t want to take him for granted on this one, her lips twisting into a perplexed frown. “Oh, nothing… just this!” He said, before leaning over in front of her and biting down on it with a grin, capturing the once ordinary paper between his canine teeth.

Aubrey jumped back in shock, feeling her back hit the locker as her face flushed an annoyed pink. “Kel! Ew! That’s so gross…” she spoke, her eyes narrowing as she cautiously pulled the paper away from his mouth. Aubrey was careful not to touch it by the bitten part.

“Why’d you do that, anyway?” She laced her voice with unamused disgust, opening up the note.

“You’ll see,” he replied smugly (grinning like Mari, funnily enough).

Aubrey looked at the note, curious. 

I’m a lucky dog to have you in my life!

“…Kel,” she said. “This is the most cheesy thing I’ve ever seen before in my life.”

“…Do you like it, though?” He tilted his head.

“Yeah.” Aubrey nodded. “I mean… I like the gesture, not the pun.”

He grinned. “Admit it. You like the pun.”

“No.”

“Come oooon.”

“Never.”

“She likes the pun, everybody!”

“We’re the only two people here!” She barked out, throwing her arms out in frustration. “Anyway… I did like the hiding part. I thought that was—er, cool, I guess. So, I kind of.. made you one, too.”

That shocked him, his eyes lighting up with enthusiastic surprise. “Wait, really?!”

She sighed, half-amused. “Yeah… it’s in your pocket.”

“Woah… you went all out!” Kel grabbed it from the pocket of his jean shorts, ripping it open with an excited smile that quickly washed away. “#1 Nerd?! Wha—I’m not!”

Her eyes twinkled as she smiled at him, crossing her arms. “Yeah, you are.”

Kel put his hands on his hips crossly. It was almost cute... “How’d you even get this in my pocket, anyway?”

“I slipped it in when I pinned you against the locker.”

He let out a sheepish chuckle, not-so-casually stuffing his hands back into his pockets for a moment to look for anything else, his eyes noticeably darting from left to right. Aubrey rolled her eyes as she continued to speak.

“I actually had an idea about that,” she thought out loud, continuing. “Maybe this could be our… thing. Writing notes to each other, hiding them and hanging out some more… it sounds fun.”

Kel nodded. “Like a really small game of hide and seek?”

She smirked. “That’s immature.”

“Says you!”

With a small roll of her eyes, she continued on. “But if you’re up for it, I want to keep this secret. No one else should know that we’re doing this, okay?”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion (and maybe something a little more vulnerable that flashed away as quickly as it appeared). She tried to ignore it, glancing away with an carefully aware mind. “What? Why?”

“It’s more fun that way,” she murmured, an avoidant, distant smile tugging at her lips.

Maybe that wasn’t the real reason…but that was part of it. Aubrey didn’t want his friends to make fun of her, for people to give her more slack than she already was taking, for people to notice her more than they already had. It wasn’t their right to comment on how she lived her life and who she lived it with, and yet, that’s all people did around her.

Aubrey didn’t want this to be tainted by other people. Everything else in her life was, but this… this was her well-kept secret, lock and key. Aubrey had control over her happiness for once, and she couldn’t let that go so easily.

“Are you up for it?” Aubrey asked, holding out her hand for Kel to shake.

“Heck yeah!” He high-fived it instead, letting out a giddy chuckle he just couldn’t seem to keep in. 

And thus began their game of cat and mouse: that night, Aubrey wrote a number of notes on crumpled, torn off bits of newspaper or textbook page, and stuffed them in the little black shoebox underneath her bed. She had also put the rest of the notes that Kel had written for her in the front pocket of her backpack, reading them over before she went to sleep with an unusual dreamy feeling to her. When she went to bed that night, Aubrey wasn’t kept awake tossing or turning like she normally was; she just laid on her fluffy bed in silence, thinking.

Aubrey would have to be creative with the way they sent these to each other, she decided. She wanted to hang out with him more, and this was an opportunity. 

Maybe they’d even go to the dance together… that wouldn’t be so bad. 

She decided as she closed her eyes.

Chapter Text

Love letters can be dangerous. Not only mentally, but physically as well.

Aubrey learned this when she had to steal a car.

“You can’t be serious,” Aubrey deadpanned incredulously, her eyes wide as she stared back at Kel. “I just said we should hang out not—not this!” He grinned in response with shining eyes, before glancing back to the pickup truck in front of them, dented and dark green in all of its rusted glory. 

There were a few problems with Kel’s plan.

For starters, the thing was so old, it probably couldn’t survive the drive there.

It sat on Kel’s driveway silently, the reddening skies reflecting off of the top of the chipped, shiny paint. It had a vintage look to it, in a way; the seats inside seemed comfy, with beige leather that had clearly been well-loved, but the license plate shuttered with a slight breeze and it was dusty enough that it could clearly use a wash. Aubrey was almost completely sure that the brakes squeaked, that the oil could probably use a change, and, oh, the paint job could use some work, too. Any more damage to the vehicle and Kel would get in gigantic trouble, not to mention the car would be busted up beyond repair. 

Number two, Kel would get grounded for life if they were caught; as a bonus, Aubrey wasn’t too sure that he would be a great driver. Sure, he had assured her almost a million times that he was “passing driver’s ed with flying colors” and that he “had the best grade in the class”, but as far as Aubrey was concerned, his words meant nothing. She had seen him crash his bicycle as a kid, and those accidents were sometimes so nasty that Kel would get a huge scolding from his parents after Hero was done bandaging him up. Aubrey knew, because he would complain to her nonstop the next day about it, poking and prodding the ember that was her temper until it would explode into a raging fire. He was inattentive, yeah, but totally reckless as well—those traits only highlighted by his newest, great idea. 

His parents were out of town at the moment, going for some kind of nice dinner with another family for reasons Aubrey couldn’t understand. All the families she knew were difficult, argumentative and loud. Why would someone want to pair that with another one? It would just make the problem worse, in her opinion. They had told Kel they’d be back at 10, and since it was only 5:00, that gave the two plenty of time to make some trouble together. Yet.. there were so many dangers, and Aubrey usually prided herself on not caring about things like that. Hero could break his promise to keep Kel’s alibi and could tell on him. Someone else could report them. They could come back early, see that their car was missing, and call the police. 

Side note, not related at all, driving without a parent in the car at 15 was illegal. Sure, so was breaking into pools at eleven at night or pirating old movies on her laptop, but this was different. They could get caught and arrested, they could get fined money that Aubrey wouldn’t be able to pay…there were so many things that could go wrong about this stupid plan.

Needless to say, she was thinking completely calm thoughts. Aubrey tried to reflect that, speaking calmly.

“There’s no way I’m going on that thing, Kel. Especially not if you’re driving,” she huffed, crossing her arms with a frown pressed together on her lips. She tried to ignore the excited jitters and adrenaline-rushed goosebumps crawling up her body, causing her to shiver a little.

He gasped, offended. “What, like you could drive any better?”

“Probably not, considering we haven’t even finished the class yet!” She barked, before bringing her hand up to her forehead to pinch it between her fingers, massaging it with a sigh. “Kel, your parents are gonna kill us. The cops are gonna kill us. Out of all your ideas, stealing a car sounds like the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.”

He giggled, thoughtful. “Doesn’t it? I think I outdid myself with the planning of this one.”

“When did you get so rebellious?” She asked skeptically, stuffing her hands in her pockets of her blue, flower-patterned jeans and searching for something to latch onto with her fingers. Finally, she found something; maybe a pebble, maybe a marble, that she must’ve picked up from being around Kim. It helped a little, her breath a tiny bit less rapid than before.

Kel shrugged, stepping over the doors of the car. “When did you get so scared of everything?” He challenged back, as he opened up the driver’s car door with a click. “Take some risks, Aubs!”

“I’m not scared of everything! You’re just being dumb!” She called defiantly (maybe immaturely), running over to the passenger’s seat and pulling it open before hoisting herself into the seat with a snarled breath through gritted teeth as she glared at him. “You better not fucking kill us, Desoto,” she swore, her voice a low hiss. 

“You know, if you don’t wanna come, I can bring someone else,” he hummed as he clicked the key into the ignition. “Drive in movies are pretty popular.”

Aubrey felt her face heat up, reeling it back a bit with a tentative glance away from him. She let her legs bounce anxiously, uncontrollably, as she murmured quietly: “I do want to come.”

He smirked playfully, bringing a cupped hand up to his ear. “What was that?”

Aubrey leaned in, her lips brushing his ear slyly. “I want to see it!” She confirmed loudly, her voice a loud ring—unwavering as she let herself break into a smile at the way he flinched backwards at its volume, wincing. “Just get us there safe, okay? It’s not like I really wanna experience an airbag for the first time, anyway.”

He pulled out of the driveway, turning right relatively smoothly. “No? Why not? Open your mind, Aubrey.”

“Shut it,” she grumbled, feeling the prick of nerves race in her veins as quickly as they had left moments ago. She fumbled with the seatbelt, clicking the buckle together hastily as they started to cruise down the street.

Jeez. Just as soon as her heartbeat had slowed down, his quick driving made her just as on edge. She really needed to get her mind off of all of… this. She focused on the colorful view from the window beside her, the passing trees and multiple brunch joints all blurring together to create a whirlwind of earthy colors. Her fingers pressed against the cool glass, as her breath fogged it slightly. She found the nail of her index curving a baseball bat into the mist, an intrigued hum sounding from below her tongue.

“You’re a better driver than I thought you’d be,” she mumbled, listening as he softly scoffed in response.

“Not surprised,” he bragged, his smug voice drawled as Aubrey rolled her eyes, a small smirk hinted on her lips. “You should see me skateboard. Not to brag, but I’m kind of a pro.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she quipped quickly. “Skateboarding and driving aren’t the same thing, and you know it.”

“Well, they’re both transportation, right?” He responded sheepishly, careful to keep his calloused, tan fingers steady on the steering wheel as they drove in silence for a moment.

“Can you drive an airplane? That’s transportation, too,” she retorted, her voice low, sarcastic and yet… funnily enough, amused, with a honeysuckle sweetness to it that Aubrey didn’t ever expect to speak with again. 

“Maybe one day!” He chirped.

“I seriously doubt it.”

He chuckled, and the gentle bells of his wind chime laugh ricocheted in Aubrey’s mind as soon as she heard it. She found herself laughing along as quietly as a whisper, not daring to get any louder, not daring to get any softer. It seemed to calm him down if he was able to hear it—as he snuck a silent glance at her from the side of his eye for a moment. Aubrey could feel his warm eyes on her, even without turning around; a low and unexpected flutter dancing in her stomach as she soaked in the attention and the affection with a small sigh.

She savored everything in the moment. It all felt… weirdly nostalgic, peaceful, comfy even. A feeling that Aubrey hadn’t felt in a long time but that she wanted to pocket and keep in her memories, as if it were a treasured toy that she had found in her basement and had wound up once again for the sake of recapturing her childhood. The steady thrum from the air conditioning, the faint chirp of birds outside, the golden-hour dip in the sun that filtered bright orange and golden light through the dashboard and onto her eyelids as she squinted ever-so-slightly, her nose scrunching as she did so. Even with closed eyes, she was still pretty sensitive to light. She leaned against the window.

“Are you tired?” He asked, curious.

“No,” she answered, her voice soft. “You?”

“Never,” Kel cheerfully responded. 

She humored him. “And why’s that?”

“I just can’t be with you around, Aubs,” he responded casually, and Aubrey tried to ignore the fact that her stomach did another flip immediately after. Why was she like this? It was a normal thing to say! She was imagining stuff.

Whatever. Just ignore it.

“I can’t either.” She responded slowly, a mischievous grin etching onto her face.

“Really?” Kel was awfully enthusiastic.

“‘Cause when you’re in a nightmare, all you wanna do is wake up,” she responded, singsong and much too pleased with herself.

“Har har har.”

She felt the car come to a halt as they parked on some grass.

“…but, um, seriously. I think this might be fun…I guess,” Aubrey mumbled, hesitant.

“Really? That’s great, cause we’re he—AAAAAH!” His voice broke out into an ear-shattering yell, and Aubrey screamed in response, immediately throwing herself upwards, her eyes wide as she frantically looked around.

“What? What?!” Aubrey hollered, desperate. That was… before she looked over to her right, and noticed that Kel was holding his stomach, laughing hysterically in his seat. She blinked, her flustered flush contrasting her cold sweat.

…Oh.

“Seriously, Kel?!” She argued, crossing her arms. “Screaming like a maniac isn’t nearly the same thing as a joke!”

He just looked over at her, his eyes shining playfully as he elbowed her. “You’re just mad I got you!”

“No, I’m not! You’re so... you’re…” She choked on her defensive words as he inched closer, looking her in the eye. An air of tension built in the air—tension of what kind, Aubrey couldn’t say, didn’t want to say. It left her with doe eyes, furrowed eyebrows and a wobbly lip, on the verge of saying something that was lost in translation from her mind to her voice. She found her eyes drawn to his lips for a moment.

“I’m what?” Kel breathed, a steady, calm smile fresh on them. His fluffed brunette hair drooped over his ears, and Aubrey couldn’t tell if she wanted to run her hands through it gently or pull it. She was leaning towards the option she didn’t expect to take, and so, unconsciously, Aubrey brushed one of his soft curls behind his ear. Her fingers met his cheek for only a second, but to her, it felt like forever composed in one touch.

His cheek was warm, and immediately after, Aubrey realized just how alive he really was. He was so infuriatingly stubborn, so insistent, with a will that she couldn’t convince or bend, and with that awed, safe smile… that aura of joy that surrounded him wherever he went… he was so..

Woah.

She paused for a minute, staring before she snapped out of it, her eyes wide as she pulled back. Oh.. geez. What the hell was she doing? Aubrey had to get her head on straight before disaster followed. She knew Kel probably liked her, but did she like him? She didn’t want to know. She wasn’t ready for something like this!

Aubrey froze, embarrassedly scrambling for words before she forced out a jumbled “sorry” and tore the seatbelt away from the buckle, wrenching open the car door and climbing out as she shut it quickly behind her. She gasped, fidgeting with her messy, shoulder-length hair as she let it run through her fingers nervously. This was supposed to be simple. Nice. They’d just be friends! So why was she acting like this; feeling like this? What was wrong with her?

God… she facepalmed, infuriated by herself. She had probably ruined everything, probably changed everything before they had even hung out—

“Hey,” a curious, light voice sounded from behind her, on the other side of the truck. She whipped around, suppressing a yelp, locking eyes with Kel as he closed the door on his side.

Why did he look so unaffected? He seemed happy… understanding, with a slight tint in his cheeks but a friendly demeanor nonetheless. One of his hands was busy, fumbling with that strand of hair, but otherwise, Kel looked completely fine. She couldn’t believe how little he seemed to mind, considering the way she had reacted.

“Sorry again…” she breathed. “Um.. aren’t you mad at me? Cause I… you know.”

Got too close for the second time in two days, her mind finished for her. Was a total creep. Pulled away before anything real could happen.

“No, not at all,” he shrugged, walking up to her before he grabbed her hand nonchalantly. “C’mon, Aubs! Look around! The movie’s starting soon, so we should get set up!”

Ah… right. I got so caught up in the moment that I haven’t even paid attention to where we are yet…

She nodded quietly, taking a quick glance around to check out the park around them. It was dense—thick with a lush expanse of earth everywhere, the warm grass beneath her sneakers so emerald green it was striking. Warm, golden and orange light filtered through the leaves, lighting up every single bit of greenery perfectly before it spilled onto the ground. The air was surprisingly moist and warm, soft against Aubrey’s skin with almost no breeze, and yet, it all smelled just like how a spring in Maine was supposed to smell. Like the mouth-watering scent of buttery popcorn, the sweet perfume of freshly-picked flowers, the misty saltiness from the lapping crests of the ocean that wafted into her nose intoxicatingly. 

The sound of bustling, rustling people was present, as cars drove in and turned off the growl of their engines, as people around them got ready for the movie to start, as people snacked and chattered together excitedly in groups. Aubrey had never been to this park before, but she already felt at home as soon as she was away from it. She didn’t even realize she was smiling before she glanced at Kel, and noticed he was smiling, too and felt a pang in her heart of joy. The boy grabbed the fresh popcorn, candy and fleece tie-dye blankets from the backseat of the pickup truck and set them down in the bed of it before he climbed in. He got comfy, lying against the back with satisfied, drowsy eyes, before he gestured for Aubrey to join him.

She let out a small breath before she climbed into the bed of the pickup truck, looking up at the top of it with curious eyes. “Hey, Kel. Watch this.”

He turned around, eyeing her as she stood up and planted her arms up onto the roof of the vehicle before she hoisted herself onto it, sighing with effort after she did so before she turned around. The view was so much better here. She let her feet rest on the back of the bed of the truck, right behind his head comfortably as she let herself relax, smirking as she made eye contact with Kel. “Now, who’s scared of everything?”

He stuck out his tongue playfully. “Still you!”

She kicked his shoulder lightly with her scuffed sneaker. “Wrong answer.”

“Ow!” He yelped, before glaring at her with an annoyed pout so hilarious she couldn’t not imitate it. She pouted back, letting her nose scrunch and her eyes crinkle before she looked away, a new fluttery, playful happiness present and tingling all over her skin. 

“What’s the movie we’re watching again?” She spoke, her voice quiet.

“I dunno. Some kinda rom-com?” Kel shrugged, taking a handful of popcorn before holding it out to her promptly. She took some, crunching down on it before she chuckled a little and responded. “10 Things I Hate About You, I think?”

“You like rom-coms, Kel? You’re just like Hero!” She teased. “So romantic, loverboy.”

He huffed, leaning closer into one of her legs. She could feel her thigh getting tired (and, kind of warm) already. “And you sound just like Mari, minus her coolest parts.”

“All of her parts were her coolest parts.” 

“Yeah…” he trailed off, sitting in silence for a small moment. “They were. But you know, Hero’s pretty cool, too.”

She nodded with a small smile, looking up at the darkening sky as she felt the growing breeze tickle at her neck, tracing light goosebumps down her side. “Hero… how’s he doing?”

Kel shrugged, twisting his finger around that same strand of hair Aubrey had brushed out of the way when he spoke thoughtfully, seeming hesitant. “He’s worried, I think. He’s really shaken up by everything that’s happened, but he’s also pretty closed off about it. He hasn’t talked about Her in months… not even to me.”

You could say her name, though, Aubrey thought as she took in what he was saying with a small frown and furrowed brows. She closed her eyes with a sigh as he finished, thinking about Hero before she chose to speak. “That’s weird… I’ve seen him at school and I guess he does seem different than he used to be. Depressed, maybe.”

Hero was… an interesting case for Aubrey, to say the least. She had never held a grudge against him after everyone had abandoned her for all those years—not even when she had found herself building up such immense anger that it would cause her to shake with tears in the dead of night, listening to her parents scream about something stupid once again as she prayed for someone to come and save her from it all. Aubrey had found herself furious at everyone she had known in those months: her parents, Basil, Sunny, Kel… and yet, never Hero. 

Out of everyone, he and Sunny were devastated most by Mari’s death, she was sure. She saw how Hero had changed, how he had become closed off without a single word to her all of her freshman year so far. She had seen him win awards, but a part of her broke when he did because he never looked happy about them, even as he got more and more over the months. His face always told the exact same unsaid story—that he felt like he, specifically, didn’t deserve to get them. Aubrey couldn’t understand why he felt that way; it wasn’t like he drove Mari to suicide, or that he could’ve done anything more to save her. 

Mari hadn’t told any of them how she was feeling. Not even Aubrey—and she could’ve told her friend anything! Aubrey would’ve understood just as much as Hero would’ve. It was weird, though—the pianist never showed a flicker of anything that wasn’t joy or contentment when they were kids, never showed a hint of anything on her lips that wasn’t a mature and perfect smile. Sure, sometimes she was a bit of a perfectionist, but everyone had their flaws. It was only natural for Mari to have hers…

And yet… if Mari’s perfectionism had suffocated her in some way, getting in the way of her rationalization… if maybe, she had felt like she wasn’t good enough to perform or even to live…

Aubrey winced. She had already thought about this before, and decided that Mari wasn’t nearly enough of a perfectionist to let that get in the way of her intelligent, thoughtful nature. It had to be another reason, but none of them would ever know why; Hero couldn’t blame himself for not picking up on something that even the Suzuki parents never seemed to notice. It wasn’t fair to him…nor to anyone else, for that matter.

Kel sighed, his voice small, annoyed and lonely as he voiced how he felt. His words shook a bit, as if it were hard for him to get them out. “I just don’t get it. I’m his brother! He should be able to talk to me about anything.”

Aubrey didn’t even know what she was going to say until she said it, sympathy gently creeping into her words. “I dunno… he’s probably just trying to protect you.” She replied.

Kel got louder, turning around to face her with an angry gaze, his eyes wide. “Protect me from what?! Himself?!” 

Aubrey nodded, a hint of her own frustration clear as she answered, crossing her arms. “Yeah, Kel. He’s probably scared to talk about it because the last time he opened up to someone…”

 “…She passed on. Oh man.” Kel faltered guiltily, leaning back as he processed what she was implying. “Jeez… I’ve been a pretty crappy brother. I pushed him to talk to me a lot, you know?”

Aubrey’s gaze softened as she realized how much Kel really cared for Hero—even though Hero was the older brother, it seemed like sometimes, Kel needed to take care of him just as much. Maybe he had gotten more responsible over the years… she let out a small, bated breath before she offered her advice. 

“That doesn’t mean you’ve done anything bad, though. I mean… look at Sunny. We have no idea what he’s going through right now, all because he won’t tell us. He won’t even step out of his house.” She faltered. “At least Hero can be convinced, you know?”

Kel shook his head, determined and a bit shakily. “Sunny can, too!” He promised. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of him, and his mom says he’s been coming down for dinner more often! That has to mean something, right?”

Aubrey felt a bitter taste linger on her tongue as she frowned, her sadness and anger creeping into her voice. “Not… not necessarily, Kel. It’s been 3 years already. If he planned on going outside, I think he would have done it by now.”

“No.” He turned away, stubbornly sticking to his word. “Sunny’s gonna come out of there sometime. I just know it. He needs us.”

“It’s not like he’s the only one with needs, though,” she found herself replying hesitantly, a hint of nervousness seeping into her voice. “Hero needs us, Mari needed us, I…” 

I needed you, she said with everything but her voice. 

She thought she saw Kel opening his mouth, almost about to say something to add, before he closed it with an unclear hesitance. It seemed like he would need some pressing to get his thoughts out, but honestly… Aubrey wasn’t sure she had that in her. 

“I have a lot of trouble with this, too, but I think you should try to help Hero remember her; not for how she died, but maybe for how she lived. No one wants to be hurting.” Her eyes glistened as she finished quietly, her lips twisting into a saddened frown. “Not even Mari… not even Hero.”

He sniffed, inching a bit closer with a weak chuckle. “Yeah… I-I think you’re right. Thanks, Aubs.”

She blushed, looking away bashfully for a second before she peeked back at the big projected banner as she heard the movie start with electric guitar. She immediately felt drawn in, her eyes wide as she processed every detail with a small grin.

The movie was about two sisters, one of whom was a popular good girl who wanted to go on dates as fast as possible (the younger) and one of whom was a well-read feminist who was always on edge and never wanted to pursue romance ever again (the older). Their father had made a rule for the younger sister: she couldn’t go to dances or on dates until Kat (the older sibling) did. However, as Kat fell in love with a bad boy type, she ended up finding happiness along the way.

Needless to say, it was a little cheesy (even if Aubrey liked it).

“You know,” Kel whispered to her as they watched. “You’re kind of like Kat.”

She snorted. “I doubt it.”

“You are!” He whisper-yelled. Some people started to glance at them both, and Aubrey shushed him before she quietly spoke back.

“Do you think you’re like Patrick?” She asked, her voice light with a hint of amusement in it. “Cause I see you more like um…” she pointed to the nerdiest guy she saw on the screen. “Him.”

“Micheal’s the best character, so the joke’s on you,” he huffed indignantly. “And for your information, I’m Cameron. Well.. a mix of Cameron and Patrick.” 

She raised an eyebrow. “Kel, you’re not a bad boy in the slightest. You’re only Cameron, if that.”

He smirked, looking up at Aubrey with the best puppy-dog-eyes and winning smile that he could muster as he clasped his hands together dramatically. “Are you saying I’m not totally charming like Patrick is?” He asked poutily as he fluttered his eyelashes multiple times for effect.

She burst out laughing as he turned around, propping his elbows on her knees as he furthered his gag by resting his face dreamily on his knuckles with a whimsical hum. He looked like Juliet Capulet on the balcony, if only a little more over-exaggerated in nature. She thought on this fondly before she took off her green headband, slipping it over Kel’s head with a small chuckle. 

“Now you are,” she declared, taking another few pieces of popcorn and tossing them into her mouth.

“Oh, yeah? You like me with the bow?” Kel stood it up straight, his tongue escaping his lips playfully as he did so. “Maybe you should try on my jersey!”

She blinked at the thought of that, suddenly feeling clammy and much too hot as she frowned, flustered. Her fingers reached to fiddle with the string of her hoodie, and she couldn’t help but imagine it was his. Shoot… Kel had put the thought in Aubrey’s head, and now she was a little afraid it wouldn’t leave her anytime soon. “Ah… no way.”

“Just try it!” He urged her, already shimmying out of his orange jersey. Luckily, he still had a white shirt on underneath, but Aubrey desperately looked away as he started to take it off, her knees trembling lightly. 

It was his.

It was his. Holy shit.

There was no, no way she was wearing that. It was his—it would smell like him, it would be just as warm, it would change everything in a way that was way too much-

She had to stop him. Aubrey forced her eyes shut as she reached out, burying her fingers in Kel’s soft hair with a slight tug. She felt him freeze under her touch, and after a few quiet ruffles, Aubrey slowly let herself see again.

He was back to wearing the jersey, his brown eyes wide and his face flushed with surprise as he looked up at her. He looked up at her, his hands sprawled across the blanketed floor of the bed of the truck and his mouth slightly agape. He was wearing her bow, an orange Faraway High School jersey with a dog on it and a white shirt and shorts. 

Her breath was heavy and quick, as her heartbeat seemed to catch in her throat in a way so powerful that Aubrey knew that she was probably shaking. Aubrey’s hand had tangled in his brown curls, and she was feeling it, oh my God she was feeling it. Aubrey felt febrile, lulled into a feverish frenzy of excited and terrified stillness as the movie only droned quietly in the background, all sound and all visuals seeming to dull except for her and the boy below her.

What was going on? 

Why had she done that? 

Her hands were in his hair! He was still there, right below her! And… urgh, he looked like that! Quick, she had to do something! Anything!

“J-Just..” she hissed, letting out the breath she didn’t realize she had been holding in. “Just don’t.. make me wear that…”

He nodded slowly, and shakily, Aubrey released her grip on his hair, scooting back with a furious flush as she directed all her attention towards the movie, paying even closer attention to it now that she had something to ignore. Well… multiple somethings, starting with the hundreds of screeched questions in her mind and ending with the second-by-second flashbacks of what had just happened.

Aubrey, she reminded herself. Focus. Just look away.

Look.

Away.

Aubrey wiped a hasty hand at her swollened eyelids with a quiet sniffle, gritting her teeth as to not release a shaky breath. Kel chuckled lightly, looking up at her with a feather-soft sweetness in his gaze as the golden light shined down on his tan skin. “You know they’re gonna get together in the end, right?”

She slid down from the roof of the truck, joining him in the mass of fluffy blankets at the bottom hesitantly before she stretched her legs under a particularly nice one. “They’re not,” she countered, her voice hoarse as Kel gave her a puzzled frown. Her eyebrows furrowed stubbornly. “What? They’re not!”

“It’s a rom-com.” He shrugged. “The guy clearly likes her. She likes him. It’s gonna work out.”

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “That’s not how real life works, Kel.”

“That’s how movies work.” He reminded her dryly, slinging his arm around her shoulders. Aubrey felt her anxious, excited nerves buzz as he did so, trying desperately to ignore them and failing miserably.

“What if it’s not that simple?” Aubrey argued back, quick as ever to offer the antithesis when he said what he thought.

“It probably is.” He started, before suddenly widening his eyes and pointing at the projected screen in front of the two. “See? There’s a guitar in her car!”

…Ah. And now they were kissing, Kat’s hand’s wrapping around Patrick’s neck without hesitation. Even though they had both done something wrong, they were fixing it; and more, fixing it all in such a sappy rom-com fashion that it made Aubrey feel a sort of second hand shyness.

Aubrey was caught by surprise, sheepishly fumbling with a strand of her hair as she looked away. “…Oh. That’s so cheesy…” she mumbled.

He nodded nonchalantly. “Yeah. Top Gun is way better.”

She gawked. “Wha- they’re totally different, Kel! This one’s way better, and you know it.”

He raised his eyebrows as if he wasn’t surprised, scoffing with playful exasperation. “No way! You’re only saying that cause you’re in love with the guy she ends up with.”

Ah—well…the guy was cute, she supposed. He had long hair that reached his shoulders, and he was tall, and had a handsome smile… all the things she liked in a guy. Yet, she hesitantly found herself liking those features better on Kel, and that was a new road she didn’t want her thoughts to go down just yet. So, she dodged the question, reverting to the best tactic she had known to use as a kid: deflecting the blame.

“I- I’m not! You are!” She whisper-yelled furiously.

Kel seemed unphased, bouncing right back without a second thought. “He’s a handsome guy! I can respectfully appreciate his looks… that’s just bro code!”

She scoffed, raising an eyebrow as she tilted her head. Aubrey’s spiky blonde locks trailed down her neck, frizz kissing at her shoulders, uncovered by her small, sleeveless black top. “Sure, Kel. Sure...”

“Anyway…” He looked away, before gaining a small twinkle in his eyes as he slid his hand away from her back and into the mass of blankets. He pulled out a cheap Sharpie, shaking it a bit before he uncapped it. “I’m gonna write something on your wrist, okay? Don’t look!”

“Kel…” her voice lowered dangerously, suspiciously. “What are you doing?”

He let out a chuckle. “I’m pretty sure I just told you.”

“W-What about the whole letter thing? If you’re gonna draw something stupid, I swear..!” She sputtered, her eyes narrowing accusatively as she pointed her finger to his chest, pushing him back.

He waved his hands to cool the tension, shaking his head. “I won’t! I won’t!” He promised, defensive. “I just… wanted to leave something permanent. I dunno… it’s stupid.”

“Something… permanent?” She echoed, rubbing the crook of her neck with a small breath in as her lips twisted into an unsure frown.

He nodded hesitantly, before she slowly offered her wrist and his eyes lit up as he grinned. Kel scribbled something on her wrist, and before she could glance to see what it looked like, he clasped his left hand over it and handed her the sharpie. “Alright! Now, you make me one.”

She picked it up. “Where?”

“Uhh…” he clicked his tongue idly in thought before crossing his legs, offering one. She smirked, bending over to write on his ankle. She drew a bunny and an explosion, and signed her name in big block letters across the bottom of his leg.

He squeaked. “Why’d you make it so big?! And why did you draw a muffin?”

She frowned. “It’s an explosion.”

“It looks like a muffin.”

Aubrey huffed with annoyance, using the heel of her palm to start furiously trying to smudge at the muffin-explosion tattoo before he shook his head frantically. “Wait! No! Keep it!” he pleaded, a hint of a smile seeping into his voice. 

Aubrey crossed her arms, smiling back. “That’s what I thought, dumbass. Now, can I look?”

“Sure.” He nodded, and promptly, Aubrey took back her wrist and glanced at it. It had a phone number on it, written in messy, smudged black marker. At the end, the number seemed to get a bit more faded against her skin, but she could make it out pretty clearly despite that. She let out a soft, amused snort.

“Subtle.” She quipped. “Now everyone’s gonna ask me who’s number is on my wrist.” 

“Tell them that it’s mine,” he shrugged. “It’s not like they’ll care.”

Aubrey rolled her eyes. “Kim and Vance probably will…”

“Kim and Vance should just be quiet, then,” he declared as they watched the credits roll, the sky above them darkening into streaks of navy blue. The sunset had now passed, the only light shining onto them from nearby streetlamps and the glow of the projected screen. Silence slowly ebbed into the air as the quiet chirps of crickets were the only lull of noise in the background. “It’s not bad for us to hang out.”

Isn’t it? She thought, letting the quiet thought occupy her otherwise silent mind. People think I’m weird… and annoying.. and I don’t know if they’re wrong for it. I mean, you left me alone for so long, and there has to be a reason for that. Some part of you thought I was just as bad as everyone had said.

It’s funny… only now, we’re hanging out. Now, you want to be seen with me, and now, I’m letting this stuff happen without a second thought, but just months ago, I would’ve shooed you away. Maybe you caught me at a good time… or maybe you randomly decided that you missed having a girl to fawn over you, just like I did as a kid.

I should be scared of being abandoned again.

I should be terrified.

At least skeptical.

But I’m not… at least, not that much, because for some stupid reason…

“A part of me trusts you,” she muttered to herself. “Even after all of that.”

“After all of what?” Kel murmured back, and Aubrey knew he didn’t understand what he had done, couldn’t understand, so she only bittersweetly replied with a soft ‘nothing’. It was probably better that he didn’t know, anyway. To him, all of this was simple, and he liked that. Kel didn’t see anything as complicated or impossible to explain, and to him, being away from her must’ve barely affected him at all. 

To her, he had been—no, he was, even now—everything. His attention meant everything. This meant everything.

It meant everything, and Aubrey could never say that out loud. Admitting that now to Kel, when he hadn’t cared for years, was so much harder than it seemed. She wasn’t sure when she’d be ready, or if she’d ever be, and maybe that’s what made this closeness so much more agonizingly exciting. The twists of sour pain always followed the familiar candy-sweetness, and that’s what made it all seem so real, so… so all-or-nothing, in a sense. 

Real things were never easy. Not like what Kel thought.

If this wasn’t easy, well… maybe it was real? She wouldn’t let herself entertain the thought for more than a fleeting moment.

Suddenly, pops of sparkling color exploded in loud bursts in the night sky—against the stars and the dark atmosphere, the fireworks were glittering crackles of pinks and oranges amongst other vibrant colors. They sailed into the air in sparkling streams of yellow fairydust one by one, before bursting, a loud pop sounding against Aubrey’s ears as they did so. 

She didn’t know why someone was setting off illegal fireworks in the springtime, instead of on the fourth of July. She didn’t know why it was so warm when it should have been freezing, a night like this. She didn’t know why she was inching closer to Kel, why she was burying her nose in the crook of his neck or why she was letting her lips brush against it with an urge to press them just a little deeper into his skin. 

To be honest… well, she knew the last reason. She just was scared to admit it to anyone, to let it become real when it wasn’t. This was a perfect fantasy captured in mere days, a blur of love letters and almost-kisses and rebellion and joy—all of which Aubrey had never experienced before. 

This was the closest she had ever been with anyone, she realized. This was probably the closest she would ever get.

Aubrey listened closely as people “oohed” and “ahhed” in delight before they seemed to realize what was going on and ran in the direction of where the fireworks were coming from, trying to find out why it was happening. She just stayed there with Kel in silence, blinking with glossy eyes as she leaned a little closer, wrapping her arm around his chest as they watched the pops of purple, green, blue and white in the sky.

“Hey, Aubs?” Kel asked breathily, and Aubrey whispered back with a small “yeah?”.

“Do you ever think that life is kinda like a movie?” He asked, his voice awed and dazed in a way that gave Aubrey panging flutters all the way down to her core. Did he feel that way about her? She took in a small breath in through her lips before she responded, so close to him that she could hear his heart racing. Hers was racing, too, as she felt a tingling buzz all over when she spoke.

“No,” she started, before she paused for a moment with a small smile. “But if this was one, I wouldn’t mind if it didn’t end.”

“Jeez…” he sighed, shivering as she exhaled in tandem against his warm skin. “How do you say things l-like that and just… not care? You’re crazy…”

She let a sly hint of a smile tug at her lips as she gazed up at his face, more relaxed (and yet, more unbelievably excited) than she had been in months. “Should I care?” She asked, her voice low and smooth. “It’s not like this is a big deal, right?”

“Aubrey,” he whined, and in turn, she just grinned even larger as she traced stars into his flushed skin, curious. 

“You’re so sensitive, Kel,” she chided teasingly. “I bet girls do this kind of stuff to you all the time.”

He scoffed. “What? Write their name in sharpie all over my leg? Slam me against lockers, help me steal a car, do the whole letter thing?! Nah. I think you’re the first one.”

She hummed in thought, savoring the intimate closeness she had never felt before, savoring the crackle of power she felt for seemingly no reason in particular. It seemed to jolt through her like a burst of cocky confidence, and yet, softened her just enough. That rush of cool joy bubbled words against her lips she would otherwise never say, as she spoke back: “You like it, though.”

“You don’t know that.” He muttered impatiently, and Aubrey sighed.

“I do,” she explained matter-of-factly, and he hissed in a quick breath in response as she etched another star into his goosebump-pricked skin. “You’re a lot of things, but you’re not a pushover, Kel. If you didn’t like all of this, you would’ve left already.”

He sighed before he responded. “…You’re right,” he weakly admitted, and as his fingers slowly traveled up from her back to quietly play with her hair, Aubrey let herself smile against his skin. 

“Don’t you like this, too?” He murmured, and Aubrey found herself thinking far too much before she responded.

…Probably. No, this was nothing more than just… something nice, friendly, something casual. That was what Kel wanted, she was sure, and somewhere deep underneath her consciousness, this was what she wanted, too. For their lips to just nearly brush, for this moment to stray just a little longer, that was perfection on the cusp of disaster. 

How could Aubrey feel so safe when everything was so dangerous?

Well, it was a long way down until the actual danger would appear, she reasoned with herself. There was still time, and for the record, Kel would never hurt her. 

She wouldn’t let that happen, not even if she allowed herself to let her guard down just the tiniest bit. It would be fine, she assured herself.

“Yeah…” she finally started, her voice small. “I do.”

He hummed, pleased, before his phone started to ring, a shocking buzz of loud noise sounding against the pop of fireworks in the background, now only static noise in the background. Kel jumped out of his position, scrambling to pick up his brick of a smartphone between the folds of blankets. 

He brought it up to his ear, his voice squeaky and hushed. “Heeey, Hero,” he sputtered out, a nervous smile pulling at his lips.

Aubrey could hear him from the other line, Hero’s concerned, irritated voice. “Kel, you guys said you’d be back half an hour ago! Mom and Dad just told me they’re almost home!”

Aubrey’s eyes widened as she sucked in a breath, glancing at the car frantically.

They stole a car.

They stole a car! Fuck!

She rushed into action, grabbing at the blankets and bundling them up in her arms messily before she threw them into the backseat. Kel climbed out of the truck’s bed as he stayed on the phone with Hero as he got in the driver’s seat, before he finally cut his brother off with a quick ‘okay, thanks, bye’. 

Hero was gonna be pissed. Kel’s parents were gonna be pissed! Aubrey clicked in her seatbelt before Kel finally got the engine running, speeding out of the driveway in a blurred rush.

“KEL!” She barked out as she glared at him, terrified at the speed at which they were zooming past on the road. “What are you doing?!”

He swore to himself, before yelling back his response with a determined, annoyed frown. “Getting us home! What did you think I was doing?!”

He let out a quiet sigh as they went back the way they came; no other cars seemed to be out this late at night. “Shoot, shoot, shoot… God, sorry. This is insane.”

“Yeah. It is.” She replied flatly, her hands clammily clenching the seatbelt, before she softened a bit. “But… it’ll be fine. It’ll be fine, we just need to get home and then we’re gonna be fine. R-Right?”

“Right,” he nodded, easing up a little bit as they seemed to slow down as they got home in record time. Well, to Aubrey’s, anyway. She was kind of surprised as she glanced at him quickly.

“I could’ve just walked home, you know,” she reminded him as Aubrey unbuckled her seatbelt. 

Kel shrugged. “Just a thank you is fine,” he replied with a hint of sarcasm to his voice that Aubrey didn’t expect. She found herself chuckling as she stepped out of the car before she leaned on the outside of it, peeking at him with an affectionate, unconcealable look on her face.

“Thank you, Kel.” She said, sincere. “I had fun.”

He grinned back as his eyes shined in the evening light, in a way that Aubrey couldn’t help but sincerely return. Even when it was so dark, she felt like everything had been lit up so perfectly; as if he were glowing, every little part of Kel shined, and Aubrey could only take it in like a fascinated viewer. 

“I did too,” he responded with that same bright grin that Aubrey couldn’t help but keep on her own face, too. She closed the car door, walking up to the entrance of her house without a look back. 

Well… maybe one look back wouldn’t hurt.

If Aubrey was only a witness, she didn’t really mind, she supposed. He was weirdly, annoyingly, crazily perfect, and just as much as she didn’t want to think that, she did. She was enchanted by every little fairytale aspect of it all, and it was a feeling she could never explain, could never communicate. 

And with that, Aubrey went inside and up to her room as quickly as she could, sighing as she settled herself on her comfy bed. 

She was wonderstruck.

God…

Aubrey had thought she would never let herself fall back into this daydream. That she would never let it get this bad. Not after everything that had happened, not ever again.

And yet… there he was, and there she was. 

She was so doomed.

Hopelessly, stupidly doomed.

And despite it all, she was happier than ever before.

Chapter Text

The evening rain pattered down against Aubrey’s windowsill, giving the warm air in her room just the perfect tint of drowsiness as she smiled softly, now changed into her silky pink pajamas that Mari had gotten her all those years ago. They were probably the thing Aubrey felt most safe wearing; those and her fluffy rabbit socks, which were white with little bunny ears on them at the ankles. She listened intently as Kim continued speaking, her raspy voice combined with the hint of static coming in from her old landline phone.

“So, like I was saying,” Kim said, and Aubrey nodded without thinking as she did so. “We’ve all finally realized that Happy is a major jerkwad. Like, even worse than we thought. Don’t you agree?”

Aubrey hummed as she considered her words for half a second, before she instantly agreed without a doubt in her mind. After all, the gym teacher was. He was the type to give his least favorite students horrible grades in units just because they broke a small rule, and there was never a day that went by without one of his infamous angry lectures. When he had taught Aubrey in elementary school, he had been pretty cheerful in his youth, but quickly he soured into just another annoying figure in her life as they both had aged.

“Right? Like, Vance and I forgot to wash our uniforms for one day and he gave us detention for four! That’s insane!” Kim growled out furiously, her voice quickly rising into a yell at the end before Aubrey heard her take a deep breath in. Kim started again, sounding more mischievous this time. “So, we’re thinking that we might prank him a little tomorrow. You in?”

Aubrey chuckled dryly before she responded, shuffling her soft socks against her bedding comfortably. “How ‘little’ of a prank are we talking about, here?” 

Kim snickered, and Aubrey could imagine the scene perfectly; Kim sitting on the soft, carpeted purple rug in her room, just in front of her bed as she leaned against the back of it with a troublemaking grin permanently etched onto her face. She would curl her hair idly as she spoke, and every so often, she would crane her head and glance to her brother for confirmation and he would nod slightly. “Not bad. We’re just gonna dump a bucket of perfume onto him when he does one of his angry speeches tomorrow, and blame it on the sports kids. Done deal!”

“Dude, I have so many questions,” Aubrey immediately replied, trying to stifle her skepticism through the guise of polite curiosity. “How are you going to get a bucket of perfume? And if you do get it, why would you blame it on the sports kids?” No bias etched into that curiosity, of course, she told herself. None at all.

Kim responded cheerfully, a smug confidence clear with every word as she thoroughly explained the plan. “Well, for starters, Mikhael knows a guy, I guess. Though, I still have a hunch that he just collects Axe body spray. And for another thing, the people in the sports clubs are all gonna go to this meeting tomorrow in the gym. Something about budgeting funds between them, I think?”

Kim scoffed. “Anyway, that’s all boring. None of the kids even want to be there. What’s cool is the fact that Happy’s gonna realize that he can’t just treat us this way! Better yet, we don’t even have to get in trouble if it looks like someone else did it.”

Aubrey furrowed her eyebrows. “Well, I’m up for it, but…”

She thought of Kel getting in trouble just because of a stupid prank that they did, and couldn’t help but feel bad. It wouldn’t be fair, right? She wanted to do the right thing this time. 

And then she got it.

“I don’t think we need to blame anyone specific for it.” She spoke, confident with a grin flashing against her lips. “In fact, if that perfume’s gonna have a really strong smell, maybe they don’t even need to be there when it happens.”

“Really?” Aubrey could sense Kim’s hesitation, and really, she wasn’t surprised. Kim made her disdain of popular people well-known, and to her credit, so did Aubrey for a long while. Still, though, things could change. People could change. She changed.

“Yeah,” Aubrey responded. “Just leave it to me. I have a friend who might be able to help.”

“Okay, does everyone have their walkie talkies on?” Aubrey whispered, her voice hushed as her back brushed against the lockers. She glanced at the friends who could come, all around her: the Maverick and Angel were a duo, nodding as they clicked on their toy walkie-talkies while she and Kim were their own pair, both fully ready. 

They all stood together, whispering, caught between the staircase that would lead up to the balcony hanging over the gym and the entrance doors to it.  As soon as Kim said the word, everyone would rush into their places and wait for their cue. Aubrey couldn’t help but recklessly grin thinking about it—the taste of sweet revenge against her tongue would come perfectly.

“Alright, guys!” Kim clasped her hands together as she looked around. “Remember the plan. Maverick and Angel, after you dump the perfume onto him, don’t stay there long. Grab the bucket as you go, get down the hidden stairs and then find an exit.”

The Maverick smirked, swinging his arm around Angel smugly. “We’re going to climb through a window,” he bragged as he flipped his hair just for emphasis. Angel imitated him (but in the sincere form of flattery way), doing the same with pride.

“Uh… good for you.” Aubrey replied awkwardly, before glancing back at Kim. “Anyway, while you’re getting out of there, Kim and I (along with my… er, friend) are all gonna be quietly rushing every person who’s on a team out. That way, they don’t have to deal with the smell.”

“Ugh.” Angel grumbled. “This would be so much easier if we didn’t have to deal with your stupid boyfriend and his stupid club.”

Aubrey’s face flushed pink, her hands clenching as her voice rang loudly in the otherwise quiet hallway. “Kel is not my boyfriend!” She yelled at him, before slinking back down, embarrassed as she glanced around warily. “…And it’s the right thing to do, anyway. Don’t you guys want to be mature about this?”

A chorus of ever-enthusiastic ‘eeeehhhhhh’s went around the group as they all looked away hesitantly. She rolled her eyes with a huff, before suddenly, they heard a cry, hushing the rest of the muffled chatter in the gym.

“That’s it! I’ve had it with you crazy kids!” Mr. Happy shrieked, and Aubrey glanced at Kim for her response. The brunette gave it easily as she nodded, her eyes shining. “That’s our cue, guys! Get ready and I’ll tell you when to do it. Come on, Aubrey.”

Aubrey hurried into the gym with Kim, silently slipping through the doors as she searched for Kel frantically, her heart racing in her chest as if she were a grenade, ready to explode at any second. Finally, she spotted him near her at the very end of the indoor bleachers, her breath catching as she tried to make eye contact. 

He was just looking over, seemingly neutrally, although Aubrey could spot a glimmer of excitement hidden beneath those eyes that only she could make out. He sat there patiently, with his orange raincoat conspicuously hidden behind his back, his lips curled into an amused smile as he watched the kids around him check their smartphones or look around anxiously as Happy continued to berate them (probably for the 10th time that day). 

After a few minutes had passed and Kim had thoroughly given her the stink eye, Aubrey relented and tapped Kel on the wrist. Now he noticed, almost jumping out of his spot with nothing but a quick breath in before he glanced around and started to casually spread the word between the kids around him. Mutters and murmurs were exchanged just as easily as glances as the students gazed curiously at the blonde, but she just gave them a small smile in response. Get ready. 

“Hey! HEY! Are you kids even listening to me?! I swear, if you punks are just gonna laugh at me, I’ll get you all kicked out of your teams!” Happy yelled in frustration, stomping his feet on the ground as the other teachers started to quietly whisper to one another. When the high schoolers didn’t respond to his demand, he started scrambling around in place, looking for his whistle anxiously as he continued to cry out in anger. 

“I’ll have you reckless kids know I’ve been teaching for 40 years, and I’m only 44! That’s right! I was an early bloomer!” He hollered, but as no one would listen, he groaned out in frustration as he started to yell at the other teachers, desperately trying to find his whistle.

Finally, he seemed to find it, holding it up to his lips. “YOU’RE ALL GONNA PAY FOR THIS!”

Perfect. This was just the right moment. 

After the news Kel had spread seemed to loudly exchange throughout the room, Kim pulled the walkie talkie close to her mouth and mumbled something into the microphone. As she did that, Aubrey nodded at Kel quickly and he got up, leading the people near him down the bleachers and out the door. It was a mix—some people wanted to stay there, confused, while others just went along with it happily, walking out the doors. Anything to get out of this, she guessed.

Then came the real motivation.

With a loud splash and a clatter, perfume poured down all over Happy’s body in the perfect spot. The room went silent as he sat there, blinking with his mouth agape as the liquid dripped down his reddened face and over his blonde hair, seeping into his button-down red t-shirt and creating a puddle on the floor beneath him. 

Man, Aubrey thought to herself as she stood there in awe. I’ve never seen him so quiet.

And then the smell hit. An overwhelming haze of extreme lavenders and old spices and smells, stubborn and pungent and perfect. Absolutely perfect. Aubrey had to resist the urge to cough, wrinkling her nose as she lead people blindly out of the room, but Kim could barely contain her own wheezes—along with those of her laughter. Slowly, Aubrey opened up her eyes as they neared the exit doors into the football field outside, the rain picking up a bit. Still, though, it wasn’t so bad, and it actually seemed kind of nice compared to the hurricane of perfume inside.

“Come with me!” She yelled over the commotion of chatter amongst the other students, opening up the doors and holding them open as the flood of kids made their way past her. She watched their reactions closely, but luckily, they all seemed to be really positive. So many people burst out into laughter, clutching their stomachs and pushing their friends playfully as they rushed out into the field together; and sure, some were a bit confused, guilty and surprised, but Kel had spread around the rumor of what they were doing, so it wasn’t that much of a shock when it came. Sure, it wasn’t the nicest, but as she had heard, he’d been at it for 40 years. Karma was just bound to come. 

People thanked her for holding the door as they walked through, and Aubrey only half-heartedly shrugged in response, feeling warm with joy even when it was freezing outside. 

Suddenly, a loud, jockish voice rang out among the rest. “Hey, guys!” He barked. “I dunno what’s going on, but there’s a soft-serve truck out here, giving out shit for free! Hell yeah!” 

Ah. Right on time. Aubrey grinned to herself, satisfied and watching the bustling crowd of people as they went by excitedly. Some played in the rain, dancing and laughing to each other as they slipped and stumbled on the muddy grass. Some yelled over the noise to their friends, asking what was happening with widened, amazed expressions as their friends shrugged and exchanged videos of it all. Some seemed more than pleased with just being out of there, but when they saw the ice cream truck, it was over. They ran over to the truck, yelling their orders as their voices overlapped happily.

In the sea of people, Aubrey could barely find her friends, but it became apparent when a tan hand took her own. She looked up, a soft giggle escaping her lips before she could stop it. Strangely, she didn’t really care that much. Aubrey felt better by his side, by all these people than she had felt in a long, long while.

“Aubrey! I can’t believe your idea worked!” Kel called, beaming as his eyes shined enthusiastically. He swung his orange and black backpack around his shoulders as looked around at the kids who surrounded him with a slight chuckle. “It was really cool of you to do all this. The ice cream, I mean. This is just… wow.”

She sighed lightly, her hands jittering underneath her familiar pink (and now, partly black) raincoat. The rain fell quickly from the sky, forming little, stray droplets in her blonde hair, but Aubrey didn’t fuss with it, letting it happen as she spoke. “It wasn’t all me,” she laughed. “It was mostly Kim and the others. I just helped. I still can’t believe everyone was on board with it.”

He shrugged, his eyebrows furrowed for a moment as he thought. “Not everybody was, but Happy’s said some pretty nasty things to all of us. Even me. He probably should’ve seen it coming.” He paused for a minute. “Not to say that it was the right thing to do, but…”

“It was effective,” she countered. With a sheepish twinge of guilt, he nodded, while she rubbed his back with a shrug. 

Kel stuck out his tongue after that. “That smell, though… yeesh. Gross.”

Aubrey smirked. “You’re lucky I wanted to be nice, Kel. You could’ve had to deal with way more than just the smell.”

He put his hand into his pocket, stepping closer as he half-smiled playfully. A raindrop trickled down his cheek and down his chin, one of many that fell down as he zipped up his orange jacket with his other hand. “Oh, yeah?” He challenged teasingly, gloating just a bit. “What else?”

“An angry gym teacher.” She pointed out, flicking him with her index and her thumb with emphasis after she was done. “He’s probably blowing up right now.”

Kel sighed as a frown tugged at his expression for just a minute, lost in thought before he shook his head. “Nah. Probably just still in shock.”

“I’d love to see that,” she chuckled before being cut off promptly. As a few people shoved past her back in the crowd of people, Aubrey was quick to sneer and whip her head around accusingly, but paused as she heard Kel speak once again—this time to other people. She took a breath in before she looked back, trying to calm herself down to stay rational and calm.

Oh, she realized to herself. The people who had shoved her were probably his friends. Maybe they didn’t mean to.

The two people in front of her were both tall. One was familiar—Cris, she remembered him say, with her recognizable dyed blue beach waves and her dirty blonde roots. She wore a light teal t-shirt with red writing on it, something about sailing on the coasts of Maine along with an inspirational quote temporarily tattooed on her forearm. Her eyes were olive green with specks of gold in them, bright and energetic with a passion to them that Aubrey had recognized in Kel. It was a casual, small thing, but Aubrey could see it as Cris grinned at her. She found herself smiling back, even if it was a small one.

The other one was blond, with swooped, long-ish hair strangely similar to Hero’s except for the fact that it was a little choppier and a little messier. He looked rugged, his face showing hints of bruises and scratches on them as if he had gotten into a fight weeks ago and the effects were only now just wearing off. Still, he seemed pretty harmless—a gentle, nice crinkle in his eyes, a touch of a dimple nearing the apples of his cheeks, and Aubrey already knew what kind of person he was.

“These are my friends!” Kel explained excitedly as he glanced at them for a second. “Guys, meet Aubrey. Aubrey, meet Cris and Jay!”

Cris waved casually. “What’s up?”

“Uh.. hi.” She spoke hesitantly, her voice low as she glanced up at the taller girl. “Not much. What team are you on?”

“Oh, man! You chose the right question to ask.” Cris beamed, chuckling lightly as she gave Aubrey a pat on the back, probably with more force than she meant to. Still, it didn’t keep Aubrey from resting in her comfortable state of grumbled, gritted annoyance—not too unlike when she hung out with Kel. Still, Cris continued happily, counting on her fingers. “For the past 8 years, I’ve been totally all about swimming, so there’s that. But in the past, I’ve done gymnastics, tennis, softball..”

Aubrey widened her eyes, interested. “You’ve done softball?”

Cris nodded happily. “Yep! Kel used to go to all my games back in middle school.” She stopped leaning down to meet Aubrey’s eyes—something Aubrey didn’t even realize the blue-haired girl had done until she put her hand on her hip, elbowing Kel teasingly with a smirk. “Isn’t that right?”

Kel nodded eagerly before he unzipped his orange raincoat temporarily, proudly showing his red ombre hoodie beneath, which sported the words “FARAWAY FIRECRACKERS” in big, bold and yellowed font with even smaller text above that. “Softball — 1998”. Aubrey couldn’t help but notice the way the sweater clung to his arms, to his back, as if it were the comfiest hug contained in a little bundle of fleece and cheap cotton, and hummed at the thought of him going to cheer someone on. “It is, actually!” 

“Looks like you don’t want to be the center of attention all the time, then,” Aubrey teased her words slyly, as they slipped through her lips paired perfectly with her mischievous grin. She met his eyes, tilting her head mockingly. “Didn’t know you were so humble, Kel.”

Jay softly snorted with laughter before leaning over to whisper something almost unintelligible in Kel’s ear, which fostered the perfect reaction from him—a cross frown, just the perfect level of annoyance that Aubrey wanted to elicit. “You gonna take that from your girlfriend?”

Aubrey wanted to object quickly. To show that Hero lookalike what was what, and yet, Kel didn’t even seem to deny what he said. She watched him as he rolled his eyes, shoving his friend a little. “Of course not,” he whispered back, before glancing back at Aubrey.

“I’m totally humble!” He denied, and Aubrey immediately shook her head as he spoke. “I’ve never bragged half as much as you do!”

She flushed. “Wha- hey! I don’t brag. What are you talking about?”

Kel scoffed. “Uh… yeah, you do, and I can prove it.”

“Oh yeah?” She challenged demeaningly, her voice sickly sweet at the end as to get a rise out of him. “And how’s that?”

“Close your eyes.”

She let out a breath before doing as Kel told her, standing tensely still with her eyes closed. Suddenly, she felt an exhilarating rising feeling in the pit of her stomach as she gasped in air as Kel seemed to hoist her up by her legs. Aubrey stretched her eyes wide open. Alongside her was a blur of green and grey, the wind whipping at her face recklessly.

She swallowed in a gulp of air, unable to speak for a moment, shocked out of her wits. Finally, after a few moments, her voice seemed to catch up to her as she hissed through gritted teeth into his ear.

“Put me down!” She whispered, but her voice wavered and shook as she did the same—almost falling off with an anxiety-induced yell as she forgot to hold on and she teetered backwards. “Ah! Didn’t you hear me?! Put me down! Put me down!”

He only looked back and grinned at her cheekily, before he stuck out his tongue to catch the rain. Just like when they were kids. “I don’t feel like it!”

“Kel!” Aubrey cried, now more exasperated than anything before she let out another surprised yell as he almost slipped with a sharp turn. Her heartbeat pounded in her chest, quick and ruthlessly as her stomach dropped. She heard the squeak of his sneakers, heard his quick breath in, and held on for dear life with her anxiety through the roof. She buried her face in his hair.

And yet… they hadn’t fallen, weirdly enough. He was still holding her, and they were still fine, despite his impulsivity, despite his… everything, honestly.

This time, he had pushed her boundaries. He called the shots. Aubrey didn’t know how she felt about it until the soft breaths of energized laughter were seeping uncontrollably through her lips, and her face hurt from smiling so much as the rain coated her cheeks, messing up her eyebrows and landing on her lips. When she had gotten used to it, the rush was amazing. She felt like she was on top of the world, even for just a little moment, a dot in the Seurat painting of it all.

She only realized they had slowed down when they found theirselves in the middle of the mass of people, all yelling over one another and laughing happily. Kim was right beside them now.

Wait. What was he doing? Why was he opening his mouth?

“Hey!” Kel yelled out among the noise, grabbing the attention of all of the people around him effortlessly. “They got us the free ice cream!” 

Aubrey immediately clammed her hand over his mouth, but the damage was done. People all around her were screaming loudly, and soon enough, a blur of things happened all at once. She was hoisted up over Kel’s shoulder now, her yells barely seeming to register as the crowd of people all picked her up. Aubrey was crowd surfing in seconds alongside Kim, her yells dying out as her eyes shined and her voice started to hurt.

What was going on?

And then she realized. Those yells… they were cheers. The people around her were strong, and just like Kel, they didn’t let people go. She had finally belonged, had found a place alongside her childhood best friend where people liked her company, were letting her crowd-surf of all things over a prank. They were calling her name, were laughing to each other, and the entire field buzzed with a magnetic, cracking electricity that Aubrey knew wasn’t lightning. 

She felt so fucking alive.

Aubrey smiled wide, for what felt like the billionth time that day. People liked her. Kel liked her. They had gone from a small kiss on the cheek, to a love note agreement, to stealing a car, to… to this.

How insane was that? It was stupid, and crazy, but… wow. As the rain outside poured down onto her face and she finally met Kim’s shining, freaked out eyes, she couldn’t help but feel her heart seem to burst.

“What’s going on?” She laughed out loud giddily, her voice ringing amongst the other people carrying them.

Kim shrugged (seemingly annoyed), but a smile was slipping onto her face just as quickly. She liked all the attention just as much, and Aubrey knew. “I have no idea!”

The moment seemed to last forever, perfectly nostalgic, crazy and stupid all the same, but… nice. As if this moment was a firefly she wanted to trap in a jar and watch buzz around for the rest of time, she could see herself replaying this memory over and over whenever she would want it in the future. 

And yet, finally, it came to an end—they let Aubrey and Kim down, laughing and patting her on the back casually as the blonde just stood there without a single word, buzzing with energy. She had to stay there silently and take a moment to breathe it all in, closing her eyes as she did so before she felt ready enough to dial back into what was going on around her.

Kim, now right by her side, was now meeting Cris with a fierce, hot blush on her cheeks as she messed with her soaked brunette hair. They were chatting loudly, laughing to each other easily as they exchanged quips back and forth. Kim seemed to recover naturally from the adrenaline rush of what just had occurred, bouncing back with even more force as Aubrey noticed the mischievous, flirty glint in her eyes, partly fogged out of sight by her glasses. 

“Those two are getting pretty friendly, huh?” Kel’s curious voice tingled warm breath against Aubrey’s neck, and she flinched, glaring at him for a shocked moment before letting out the final breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“Don’t sneak up on me like that.” She snapped, but it was all in good fun—they both knew she meant nothing of it, as she gazed up at Kel with shining, fond eyes. “But.. uh, yeah. They are. You know they’re flirting, right?”

“What? No way!” He scoffed obliviously, messing up her hair offhandedly. This time, Aubrey didn’t feel the need to slap his hand away, only dignifying it by sticking out her tongue. “They’re just friends!”

“She’s taking off her hoodie and flexing, Kel.” Aubrey observed as Kim did just that. Sure, her dark purple, oversized hoodie definitely wasn’t meant for the rain any more than her logo-ridden pajama pants, but as the short brunette threw it to the ground to show off her cringy dinosaur shirt with a flourish, Aubrey couldn’t help but feel like it deserved slightly better treatment. She peeled it off the wet grass grumpily, proceeding to aim and throw it back into Kim’s face as she snorted with amusement, watching the thing land perfectly in the square center of her target. Kim yelled with surprise as Cris glanced at Aubrey with a joyful grin before she grabbed it and held it above the shorter one. 

“Give it back, idiot!” Kim demanded, but Cris just shook her head.

“I don’t think so! You should really treat your stuff better, Kim.” Cris teased, holding out the purple hoodie in front of her as if it were on a hanger and she wanted to try it on. She turned to Aubrey and Kel with a proud smirk. “How does it look? Pretty nice, huh?”

“I think it would suit you!” Kel agreed peppily. 

“Sure.” Aubrey huffed. “As long as it’s not on the floor, I really don’t care.”

“Aww!” Kel teased, his arm finding it’s way around Aubrey’s shoulder just as it always seemed to do. “You’re so nice, Aubs…”

She elbowed him in the arm. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever, dumbass.”

He gave her a look, and Aubrey shrugged awkwardly as she looked away. “I mean… um.” She snickered to herself before finishing. “Smartass.”

“You’re unbelievable.” He grumbled.

“Hey, I thought that was my line.” Aubrey reasoned as she stepped further away from the crowd but still close enough to everyone else. Just enough to be out of sight so no one could see, she told herself before she leaned into his touch nonchalantly.

Kim jumped desperately, her arms scrambling desperately to latch onto her favorite (now, partially stained) hoodie, but it was of no use. Cris was way too tall, and Kim was… well, Kim was vertically challenged, as Mari used to put it. In Aubrey’s words, though, Kim was just weirdly tiny compared to everyone else. She exhaled softly with a hint of laughter tickling at her lips, watching the scene unfold.

“Ugh,” Kim groaned, stomping her heeled black boot into the ground before she shot Aubrey an unimpressed death glare. “You could help me, you know!”

“Nah,” Kel answered for her as he chuckled to himself lightly. “I think she’d rather help your jacket.”

Kim sneered at him. “I’m onto you, Kel. Make one wrong move, one wrong step and I swear I’ll—“

“Oh, Kiiiim,” Cris singsonged ever-so-sweetly behind her, clasping her hands together perfectly beside her face to frame herself as an angel. Aubrey’s eyes widened and she grinned slightly as she tilted her head in disbelief, causing Kim to whip around furiously. Cris was now proudly wearing her hoodie—something much too big for Kim to reasonably wear, but pretty average on the more sporty of the two—and was happily striking poses for dramatic effect as if she were a model. 

Holy shit. The nerve of this girl.

Aubrey kind of loved it.

“Wha- I- Wh…” Kim sputtered, dumbfounded as she glanced at the hoodie and to Cris, back and forth several times before she seemed to explode. “Give it back! Even if you look good in it or whatever, that doesn’t mean it’s yours!”

Cris bent down, her blue curls falling in front of her face as if the two were in a movie as she leaned in to make eye contact with the shorter girl. “I look good in it, huh? You really think so?” She hummed with interest. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

“Uhh…” Kim fell at a loss for words. “Thanks…”

Aubrey snuck a glance at Kel. He was already looking at her through the corner of his eye, his face just as red as Aubrey’s even though they weren’t even the ones experiencing it.

“It… uh.. kind of feels like we’re intruding here,” he attempted to whisper; Kel could only be so quiet.

Aubrey nodded, before letting out a small, awkward sigh. “Let’s go get some ice cream. I don’t really wanna watch this.”

Kel let out a small chuckle before he walked her over to the line for the soft-serve truck, watching as the crowd around them grew smaller and smaller as people grabbed their bags and headed home since it seemed apparent that the teachers would stay behind and clean all of it up themselves. No point in waiting for a lecture that would never come, she guessed.

Finally, they got their ice cream after a bit of waiting. The line did seem to thin out pretty quickly, but Aubrey found herself disappointed when she found out that they were all out of strawberry, having only chocolate left. Kel had shrugged as if to say “it is what is” before excitedly grabbing his cup and filling it to the brim with chocolate soft serve, his favorite flavor and only second to Superman sherbet (the most childish one, if you asked her). 

As the two walked back, Aubrey saw a blur of blue and brown zip past her—while everyone else had packed up and were happily starting to leave, Kim was chasing Cris relentlessly, her abrupt yells a harsh change of pace from the easy back and forth Aubrey had with Kel. Cris was just laughing and waving the floppy sleeves around as she ran, yelling something to Jay as she passed him. Silently, Aubrey wondered where the rest of the hooligans were, and if they’d like hanging out with this group, too.

“You’ll pay for this!” Kim cursed, but the blonde knew she saw the flash of a genuine smile on Kim’s face—or, well, a toothy grin probably better described it.

Kel hummed, intrigued as they walked forward, heading towards the outdoor bleachers that faced the football field. “Man. That really surprised me. Next, you’re gonna tell me Basil’s into guys…”

Aubrey’s lips pursed into a straight line. “You’re so oblivious, Kel.” She sighed to answer his remark, a little exasperated.

He only sheepishly chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck as he spoke. “You really think so?”

“I know so.” They finally got to the bleachers, and Aubrey watched as he pulled something out of his pocket—something orange, and bunched together. An umbrella, she realized as he handed it over to her.

“Thanks,” she replied softly as she unstrapped the velcro on it and pressed down on the plastic button at the bottom. She watched the umbrella spring forward, stretching to reveal its simple design; plain orange with paw prints at the ends. She found herself glancing at him with a small, amused smile before she set down the umbrella and unzipped her well-used pink and black raincoat on the bleacher in front of them. She sat down on it as she took back the umbrella she had set down, shielding Kel and herself both from the rain even if she knew he probably liked it. 

“It’s funny,” Kel exclaimed as he sat down right beside her, scooching in close. “When we were younger, you wouldn’t ever let me under your umbrella! What’s the catch?”

She curled a strand of soaked blonde hair around her unoccupied finger, feeling her cheeks heat up ever so slightly before the feeling faded away in seconds. “Well… it’s not my umbrella this time,” she pointed out as she glanced away shyly. “I kind of thought I owed you it.”

He tilted his head curiously before he picked up his cup of soft serve, which was mostly untouched except for a little bit of water pooled at the very edge of the cup, only one small tilt away from touching the ice cream. Aubrey wrinkled her nose at the thought of it, but Kel didn’t seem to mind much. “So, if it was yours, you’d make me stay out in the rain? Harsh, Aubs.”

She furrowed her eyebrows in thought before sighing, tilting her head back to watch the droplets of rain fall one by one onto the umbrella, each and every one sliding down the fabric and eventually making its way to the soaked ground. “Well… maybe not. I dunno… I think you should just remember to bring your own.”

He smiled a little, looking ahead. “Heh… fair point. It’s really pouring today, huh?”

“Yeah,” she breathed, lost in her own world for a moment as she watched the downpour refuse to let up. All around her, kids started to do anything to get out of it—Kim and Cris, for example, had found Cris’ spare umbrella in her backpack and were now opening it up, preparing to walk home together. Jay and a short black haired person both had matching umbrellas—one red, and one purple, but both with stars on them. As they started to walk home, Aubrey noticed that they were holding hands discreetly as their faded voice echoed through the distance. 

Raindrops flew from the grey-black clouds, only staying in the air for just a moment before they splattered on the darkened pavement and crackled against his orange umbrella, giving the air a certain, pretty smell to it. That was always Sunny’s favorite smell, she remembered with a small breath in. Then, as a conscious reminder to herself, she immediately boxed the thought away and hid it in her mind for another time; just in the very back corner along with all the other secret Basil and Mari related ones. Ones she kept in safe-keeping, ones she kept for any other rainy day, ones she kept for her showers late in the evening when she could mutter thoughts quietly to herself.

“It’s nice…” she thought out loud. “I never liked the rain this much.”

“I did.” Kel shrugged as he spooned another bit of ice cream into his mouth, licking the bottom of his lip just slightly. Aubrey didn’t let her eyes linger there, not again, but she did let herself scoff in response.

“What?” He frowned, confused.

“Remember when you tracked water into Hobbeez?” She asked, and he gave a tacit nod. “Shopkeep was so angry… but all you cared about was seeing the latest edition of Captain Spaceboy, so you didn’t even notice when your raincoat dripped water all over the floor and the comics.”

“Oh yeah!” He recalled, his eyes lighting up with enthusiasm. “You were pretty annoyed too, telling me that I should’ve been more careful and all that. The only thing was… while you were doing that, you were getting water on the comics, too! It was so unfair!”

She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. “I barely got any water on it. You were the one making a puddle in the store!”

“But you just added to it! You should’ve had to go outside, too!”

“Actually, I did, Kel.” She huffed. “Remember? When you had to put your coat outside, I felt bad for you, so… I followed you out there to say sorry, or whatever. You know… just so Basil wouldn’t get on my case about it. And when you were out there, you were supposed to just put it down and come back inside, but…”

Suddenly, she couldn’t help herself. She broke into a fond, small grin, chuckling. “You started running around like a total maniac. Throwing your arms out and getting your hair all wet… that’s how I knew you liked the rain. You didn’t even want to come back inside.”

He let out a small, amused exhale. “Not with you looking at me like that! I was so freaked out—you reminded me so much of Sunny, except creepier!”

“H-Hey! I wasn’t creepy!” She exclaimed, and when he deadpanned back, she just bit her lip and frowned in response. “What? I wasn’t. And anyway, I just couldn’t figure out why you would like the rain when you barely even washed your hands.” She winced, recalling all the bouts of arguments they had over that specific topic. That was definitely a sore subject… and not for no reason, either! That was totally gross! 

Luckily, Kel seemed to agree. “Eugh. Don’t remind me of that…” he groaned, before meeting her eyes once again with a certain playful smugness to them. “I’ll have you know, though, that now I wash them all the time, so beat that.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’ve been washing mine for ages, Kel. That’s the normal thing to do.”

“Well.. whatever,” he shrugged before he continued wistfully. “Man… normal. That’s something I haven’t felt in a while, heh.” He chuckled dryly, sighing a little as he looked ahead. “Normal’s not always better, though. I think I like this.”

And then he glanced back at her.

I think I like this.

I think I like this.

That’s so cheesy, but still… god damn, Kel, I never wore my heart on my sleeve until you stitched it on.

But Aubrey didn’t say that, not even as her face flushed pink and she almost dropped the umbrella, sending drops of rain washing down her shocked face. In fact, she just glanced at his lips, and felt a buzz on her own as her fingers unconsciously reached up to brush her own before she impulsively responded after a minute or two. “Hey, Romeo. Pass me your ice cream.”

He gawked, his mouth falling wide open as he threw out his arms in disbelief. “You’re finally gonna try some?! I thought you’d never try chocolate ice cream! We had a bet!”

“And I’ll pay you back when I’m on my deathbed. For now, though, let’s see if it’s better than I thought.” She frowned with determination, not understanding why he was so shocked. Sure, Aubrey was a firm believer in the superiority of strawberry and mint chocolate chip, but when it came to ice cream, chocolate was just way too artificial. It didn’t taste real, the sticky flavor sandwiched in between mountains of sugar to the point where she had only tried it once. But… if she could change her mind about Kel, she could probably change her mind about his favorite ice cream flavor, even if she hated to admit it. It was worth a shot. 

Kel finally gave in, passing her the cup of soft serve hesitantly. She felt the finger-stinging coolness in her hands as she held it and grabbed the flimsy plastic red spoon, but let it all melt away as the flavor met her lips.

Eugh. She scrunched her nose and stuck out her tongue in disgust. Just like she had thought.

“Gross…” she hissed through her teeth, eliciting a teasing ‘mhm’ of satisfaction from Kel. She only shot him an unimpressed glare in response, and yet, it seemed to do nothing to deter him, only making him laugh more.

“Told you that you wouldn’t like it,” he bragged, singsong. “But did you listen to me? Nope!”

“You didn’t tell me that!” She defended herself hotly. “A-And since I didn’t like it, I’m not paying you back.”

“Aw, really? Not even on your deathbed?! A promise is a promise, Aubrey!”

The blonde sighed, letting that familiar smile curl at the corners of her mouth. It wasn’t as fun getting a rise out of him when she had lost a bet. “Well… whatever. Maybe I will, but you’ll just have to wait and find out.” She said quietly.

“Fine by me.” He chuckled, lying against the bleacher behind them and stretching out his arms for good measure. His hand brushed her shoulder as he did so, sending skittering sparks in her stomach as he did so, as if it had done a flip just for the hell of it. She leaned against him, now more comfortable as he sensed what was happening and rubbed the back of her shoulders ever-so-slightly.

Aubrey could tell herself she hated all the possibilities contained in a touch. The possibility of him messing with her hair just like he had done the night before, running his hands through its soft and frizzy strands as if he wanted to place a kiss on her forehead. The possibility of him leaning in just a little closer, eyeing her neck, her nose and her cheeks for just a moment before deciding on her lips instead. The possibility of him bringing his hand down to squeeze her hand, enough and not enough all at the same time.

She smiled a bit and sighed, lost in thought despite the fact that her voice brimmed with emotions she had never recognized before. Every word was warm, just like her—now warmer and lighter than she had once felt comfortable being again. As if a weight was lifted off her shoulders after years of carrying boulders, Aubrey could speak again. “You were right about the whole ‘normal’ thing, but weirdly enough, this feels normal. Or… what normal is supposed to feel like, anyway.”

He hummed with intrigue. “What do you mean?”

“I mean.. for the past three and a half years, everything’s been anything but fucking normal. Other people our age are fine—they’re… they’re getting girlfriends, and never causing trouble, and off being cheerleaders or whatever, but I almost never get to be like that.”

Aubrey remembered all of the times that she would step into a room, and people would just… glare at her, or look away entirely. They would do anything to continue and take her at face value, in the simplest, most judgemental ways they could just so that they wouldn’t have to remember that she was a real person. 

She had to make an active decision, a promise to herself when it got to be the worst it had ever gotten, she wouldn’t hide away like Basil or Sunny. She wouldn’t let people speculate about things they didn’t know about. She would wrench her identity back into her own hands, and make her own version of normal. A normal where her and her friends being whispered about in the streets was fine. A normal where being gossiped about in church was expected. A normal where harassment, to any extent, was just something that made Aubrey stronger.

But just a few days ago, everything started to change. Just by association, people looked at her and saw her as a person again. Of course, it rubbed off on her. Aubrey felt like a person around Kel, even if that was weird to say. Aubrey felt like she didn’t have to have her own definition of normal anymore, because when she was with him, things just… were. 

Her eyes fluttered open, but she looked away, her words flowing out of her like the wax of a candle now lit. “But then, this.. er, you happened, and all of a sudden… I’m finding out what it’s like to fit in. People like me, they want me around, and it doesn’t have to be temporary this time because you’re here and because… I think I really, really want this to work out.”

She laughed, fumbling with a strand of her hair. “I want to keep sending these stupid love letters. I want to be at your games, even if that’s cliche. I want to feel normal, and not stuck in the past, like some sort of robot, and… I’m gonna try my best and hope that’s enough.”

Aubrey could only meet his eyes for a brief moment before she was thrown into a hug, her eyes wide. “Of course it is, Aubs.” He assured sweetly, and Aubrey had to take him on his word. She rested his head on his shoulder silently, not giving into the temptation to pull away or to get any closer, now stuck at a standstill. It wasn’t the most awful place to be.

It was a while before he pulled away, but even then, she knew she saw a teethy, enthused grin teasing at his lips. “What are you planning?” She asked as she raised an eyebrow, suspicious.

“Payback,” he quipped, before he gently grabbed her by the cheeks with one hand and pulled her in his direction, meeting her in the middle with a soft kiss on the cheek. Her face flushed completely pink as her eyes widened, not able to stop smiling as she swatted him away.

And there they were, just little kids again, sitting on the grass in front of the water with childish dreams that just so happened to come true all these years later. The stuff that Aubrey had dreamed about every night when she was twelve… day by day, she thought it was finally coming true.

How weird was that? 

“Pfft…” she sighed, feeling herself tremble with excitement, her heart tirelessly pounding in her chest as if it were about to explode. She felt like all of her was on the edge of exploding, basically unable to say anything except for a quiet, “you’re… stupid” muttered under her breath. 

Kel laughed, just like he always did, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly as he looked away. That fluttering feeling dancing on her skin barely ebbed away, but as the minutes went by, Aubrey finally felt a little calmer. 

Next time, she promised herself, she wouldn’t let it be on the cheek.

“I…” she let out a shuttered breath, taking her face out of her hands as she eyed him with a small smile. “I have a letter for you, you know. If you, um.. if you want it.”

“Ah, really?” He gasped, and she nodded as she took out the neatly folded piece of post-it-note in the pocket of her jeans. Aubrey tried not to be messy with the things she cared about. She handed it to him, but before he opened it up, Kel took off his backpack and produced a bit of paper and a pen of his own. He scribbled a chicken-scratch note on it quickly, resting it on his knee as he wrote before he capped the pen and crumpled up his note. He passed it to Aubrey, landing it perfectly on her lap as she smirked.

“Okay, let’s both open ours up on 3!” He said, determined as she nodded. 

“Okay… 1, 2, 3. Now!”

She unfolded her note as quickly as he did, and soon found herself laughing—or something like that, anyway. It was a bit more choked up than she expected, but for the most part, she kept her composure as she sighed. She read it three times before she met his eyes.

“Sure…” she shrugged, fussing with her teal bow for a second before she stood up straight and nodded. “I’ll meet you there.”

“Yeah!” He threw out his arms enthusiastically, and she couldn’t help but giggle at that, before she paused, embarrassed. Aubrey never giggled. She could laugh, she could chuckle… she never giggled.

But now, he was too. So maybe, just maybe, it was okay with Kel around.

That’s what she had thought, anyway, before she had headed back inside.

Chapter Text

Kel soon had to leave, taking his umbrella with him with an unapologetic ruffle of Aubrey’s hair before he ran to his mom’s car. Aubrey knew the clubs hadn’t all left just yet, so without a word, she turned around and headed back inside through the door they came. She took quiet, sneaking steps as she walked up the stairs, trying not to alert anyone as she walked over to her locker with an uncontrollable, giddy grin that had been starting to hurt at this point. She entered in her locker combination before she heard a few steps against the tiled floor, a small, familiar sigh following.

And suddenly, she was back to Earth. That smile on her face faded, curling into her usual cold, unwavering expression: the calm before the storm. She tensed up, his very presence pressing needles into her back more and more with every passing moment. Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore. She needed him gone.

“I know you’re here, Basil,” she hissed out his name as if it were an insult, her voice cold, broken and so unlike how she had felt before. Funny how her feelings could change so quickly around a traitor.

His was hesitant, wavering, unsteady. “Uh, hi, Aubrey..”

She took her backpack and her pink umbrella, swinging the bag around her shoulders and clenching the umbrella in her shaky palm. Aubrey slammed the locker, relishing the vicious slam she could make against the cold metal. What other noises could she make, she wondered? 

Could she scream loud enough to lull out the droning reminders of constant guilt that panged against her ears? Could she stomp loud enough for him to stop talking? How many times had they gone through this already? She didn’t want him around her. On any other day, sure, but not today. Today had been going well.

She couldn’t bear the sour taste in her mouth as her words ripped away from her lips, hard and meant to sting. Aubrey turned around, facing him with that piercing gaze she had. It pinned to him, tracking his every move perfectly. “What do you want?”

Basil swallowed before he spoke, his darkened eyebags a mess against his once pale, untouched skin. His eyes didn’t shine. His lips only curled into a frown—or something like it, anyway, as if he couldn’t commit to it fully. “I want you to give back the album… and to leave me alone, too.”

She couldn’t stop herself when she let out a bitter, amused ‘tch’. “Tell me something I don’t know,” she snarked, crossing her arms and still gripping her umbrella ever so tightly. It wasn’t Kel’s anymore. It wasn’t protective.

As Basil stepped closer, Aubrey couldn’t help but shudder as her eyes widened and her back banged against the locker. “Aubrey, please. Just listen to me for… for once and then we never have to talk again.” He pleaded, finally now meeting her eyes with that blue, uncanny gaze she had once found comforting. She couldn’t see that as anything more than purely hostile now. 

She scoffed. “Why should I? You don’t control me.”

Basil’s eyebrows furrowed for just a moment—a flash of annoyance in a sea of anxiety. “I’m not trying to control you, I-I’m trying to help you.”

“Help me? Are you serious? How in any way are you helping me again?” Her voice got louder.

He hissed out a trembling breath, balling up his fists. “I could… tell Kel about how you’re treating me.” 

Oh fuck.

Flashes of thoughts and memories all flooded over Aubrey’s mind in seconds, a crashing, aggressive stream of barely conscious anxieties taking over all at once.

How she was treating him? How Aubrey had been treating him? What about how he had treated her, when he had been hanging out with her as if nothing was wrong even after destroying everything that stood as a reminder of Mari? 

They would never hear Mari’s duet again, not played from her fingers. They would never see Hero that happy again. They would never see Kel that careless again. They would never see Sunny, period. They would never see Aubrey as the same little girl, the one untainted by the death of her loved ones.

Basil had taken those photos. At one point, he had loved them, and had loved his friends just as much. How could he destroy them when they meant so much to everyone? When they had meant so much to Mari, to Aubrey, personally? How could he do that?

She had the right to be upset! She had the right to be furious! 

Who was he to take that away from her?! Her anger was all she had!

Kel had been all she had. Just for the past few days… and he was threatening to take that all away from her. He couldn’t. 

“You wouldn’t dare.” She choked out, her words catching on the lump in her throat, but Basil just kept on pushing. A hint of a smile even flickered onto his lips, anxious, sure, but also… satisfied. He knew he had leverage. 

“No, I… I would! If you don’t give it back, I’ll tell him! I promise!” He yelled, and Aubrey felt something painful and violent and furious in her, at a level she hadn’t felt in a long time. Her cheeks flushed and her heart seemed to race in her throat, her palms sweaty. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes.

God. 

Kel had made her happy. Intensely, truly, genuinely happy. She was starting to heal- to.. to get better around him, just because of his presence. She was starting to be a better person, to leave that past behind, to find some semblance of her way after there had been years and years of her just being stuck.

Aubrey had been rooted to the ground, unable to move just as everyone else had. It was paralyzing.

Kel had moved on so quickly, faster than everyone else. At one point, Aubrey had resented him for it, but now… she wanted to join him, more than anything. And day by day, step by step, she had been catching up.

But every fucking time she would start to catch up with the Hooligans or with Kel, Basil’s presence would sink his nails into her ankles and drag her back down with him. He would beg for the album he knew he didn’t deserve anymore, would try and explain things to Aubrey that she already knew. 

Now, even worse, he was using threats as a way to get her to stop. Ones that could work.

Kel was a good person. 

He always wanted to do the right thing. 

If he found out about what kind of person she really was, he would hate her. He would side with Basil, would- would leave her alone again just like everyone else did, would let her just continue to drift without a purpose, fighting to breathe when it would be so easy just to let the water engulf her. 

She needed him. This was.. he was good for her.

Kel meant everything. And Basil wanted to take him away.

“Ugh…” Her voice scratched out raspily, aggressive and brutal and painful against her lips as it started. An agonized yell as it escalated, flooding from her mouth like a fire she couldn’t—wouldn’t—put out. “WHY DO YOU TRY AND RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ME?! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”

A moment passed before Basil coldly muttered under his breath. “..Hypocrite.”

She snarled out her words. “What?”

“Y-You do this to yourself. I’m giving you a way out and you’re not even taking it.”

Her voice shifted into something a little more emotional and desperate, her eyes shining with a vulnerable, aggressive fear that she couldn’t help but show. “If I did take it, you’d destroy the album again! Why would I ever want that?!”

“Aubrey… I didn’t do that!” 

“Then why am I still cleaning it up, huh?”

Her eyes darkened for just a moment before she hung her head, staring at her shoes. She stuffed her hands in her pockets, her scowl now just a poor attempt to grit her teeth and shove away her emotion. It wouldn’t work, though—she knew that when she was twelve, and she especially knew that now, as the broken words escaped her. 

Not even when Basil’s voice softened into something more delicate and empathetic, now just a tap of a raindrop on her vengeful ocean, creating small ripples all the same. She shuddered as he spoke, his soft rasp laced with confusion. “You’re… you’re cleaning up the photos? Why?”

She sighed softly, glancing back at him. “They matter to me. You, of all people, should understand that…”

He swallowed, his cheeks dusting pink ever-so-slightly before he nodded. The silence wasn’t thick with tension this time, though. It just…sat there, tainted with a pain they both understood just as well as the other. 

Finally, he spoke. “…Listen. P-Please, promise me that by this summer, you’ll give it back and leave me alone, a-and in return…”

“You’ll stay away from Kel.” She finished, her voice firm. And I.

His lips curled back into that familiar half-frown. “Stay away from him? Aubrey… I still need to talk to him. Not about you, but-“

“Basil,” she nearly snapped but kept her cool, letting herself soften a bit as she talked. Aubrey needed to get through to him. “I just can’t have him knowing about this, okay? I—she released a small, shaky breath hesitantly—I need him right now.”

Slowly, he nodded before he held his bony hand out to shake. “D-Do you promise?”

Aubrey took it. “I promise.”

He stepped back, gripping the straps of his backpack with a small, relieved smile before it seemed to ebb away, leaving only his furrowed brows and his lips, pressed together anxiously. “…Okay. Bye, Aubrey.”

Right as he started to walk away though, Aubrey called his name gently. He turned around.

“Um…” she blinked, before she let a smile tug at the corners of her lips. “Thanks.”

He didn’t reply, only walking away as his small brown shoes softly clicked against the white floors. Finally, Aubrey heard the door creak open, stay there for about a minute or two, and finally slam shut. Only then did Aubrey take her hand out of her pocket, letting out a sigh of relief.

Her fingers had stayed crossed. 

That was close, she thought as she slowly walked down the stairs. Sorry, Basil. I’ll leave you alone, but I can’t promise to give back the album. 

And yet… now there was a certain paranoia Aubrey felt brushing goosebumps at her arms and winding up her stomach into knots. 

She was lying to Basil.

Was lying to Kel.

Mari wouldn’t like it, either. 

Aubrey could hear it now: that whining, screeching, concerned voice in her mind telling her: how could you treat your friends this way, Aubrey?

The voice sounded like church bells, like a eulogy at a funeral, like a distorted blend of 12 year old Aubrey and 15 year old Mari’s voice all at the same time as it said ever so plainly: You’re a bad person. 

She knew.

Aubrey opened up her umbrella, but let the cool rain wash over her face as it mixed with the dried tears that pricked at her eyes. She let out a heavy, shaky breath before she let the pink umbrella cover her fully as she started to trudge through the slick mud.

“Aubs! What do I do?! The permanent marker from earlier won’t come off my leg, and now it’s just turning into a smudged mess! My parents really need to wash Sally! Help! Call me back ASAP. Kel.”

Click.

“My dad just gave me ‘the talk’ after he saw my leg. I kinda want to die. Did your parents notice, too? Oh, by the way, I won’t be able to hang out for long after school tomorrow. For one thing, it’s supposed to rain, and for two, I’m gonna be totally exhausted after all that arguing that’s gonna happen at the club meeting. It’s all just waiting around… eugh. You’re so lucky you don’t have to do it. Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow, Aubrey! Kel.”

Click.

“Why the heck are you calling me at six a.m.?! Dude, I’m sleeping! Your plan sounds—yawn—fine, but I still think it’s totally… still.. messed up to prank a teacher… (snore)… (snore)…”

Click. 

“Hey! It’s Kel, by the way. I still can’t believe you managed to pull that off. You were great! I’ve called you a few times but maybe you haven’t seen them, so I’ll just say it here.”

“I wanted to say that I’m really excited to see you at the dance tomorrow, but I also wanted to say thanks for being my friend… or whatever we are, anyway. I know things have been really hectic between all of us after it all happened, but it’s nice to be able to go back to normal all these years later. I really had fun today! Alright.. well, you’re probably tired of hearing me ramble. Goodnight, Aubs! Sleep well.”

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Chapter Text

Aubrey shuttered, her eyes wide and her brown hair tightly wound around her fingers. The pain wasn’t enough to ground her, not even when tears rolled down her cheeks and her teeth mashed together in gritted agony. She hated this. She hated everything!

Everything!

The furious yells of her parents echoed throughout the house, bitter and peppered with jabs that the two took at each other as they talked—a slashing word there, a cutting remark somewhere else. It was never enough for either of them. Never enough to win, never enough to be right. They had to hurt each other. To go in for the kill.

Didn’t they know the only one they were killing was their daughter?

Aubrey wheezed through her cried gasps, barely able to stay afloat in the tsunami of her dread. She was just as dead as Mari at this point. And maybe that was why she could barely hear the details of their argument—her vision blacking out, letting her imagine she was resting her head on Mari’s shoulders, letting her slip back into safety…

and maybe, she thought in her haze, maybe this isn’t real if Mari’s not actually here.

A crash against wooden floors.

Aubrey gasped in a desperate breath, and held it.

What happened?

Was everything okay?

No. Aubrey was sure they were fine. And yet…

“I told you, I can’t deal with this anymore!” Her father’s yells rang throughout the house, barely a lull of noise against the commotion in his daughter’s mind. “I’m not gonna sit around and watch our kid suffer! She needs you in her life.”

Her mom laughed bitterly, her venomous words practically sucked out of a viper’s teeth.“She needs me? That’s rich. What about the guy who I married? Where’s he been? Off with another 20 year old coworker?”

That had only made things worse. “Off providing for our family! You might’ve not noticed since you’ve been partying all fucking night, but I haven’t forgotten about my daughter!”

That was ironic.

Her voice came back screeching, her screams piercing against Aubrey’s ears just as vividly as her own had, only a month ago.

“It’s always about Aubrey. Always about her. What about me?”

“You don’t matter as much right now, Elizabeth!”

Seeing Mari dead was seeing Hell itself.

What could her mom know about that? What could her mom know about anything? Aubrey let out her breath, more furious than ever. This rage swallowed her whole, entangled with every pleasant thought she had ever had, soaking every memory she had preserved in—

“Don’t you fucking say that! We’ve been together for 8 years. 8 years, and I’ve stuck with you throughout all of it. Doesn’t that mean anything?!”

Their words were quick, painful, cutthroat, Aubrey just needed to—

“You want my real answer? No. It doesn’t. I’m more than ready to leave this hellhole. You just say the word and I’m out!”

No. No. Dad. Please—

“Fine by me! Go. I don’t need you.”

Aubrey gasped, flinching away from Kim’s touch.

“Dude!” The brunette huffed half-heartedly, before her hands found the small of Aubrey’s back again and fastened the ribbon pointedly. “I wasn’t done yet.”

“A-Ah, sorry..” she sighed, her brows furrowed. “I’ve just been.. spacey today. Can you loosen it up?”

“Sure,” Kim shrugged before tugging on the pink silk gently. The blonde let herself relax a bit, pressing her feet into the plush carpet.

“Thanks..” Aubrey’s eyes drifted, admiring the outfit with an intrigued eye. The way the skirt of her black dress draped against her legs and flowed when she twirled, making her all too familiar with the hesitant and yet childish joy she thought she had abandoned after she had hit 13. “How do I look?”

Kim sent her finger guns and a toothy grin in response. “Pretty damn cool, Aubrey! I like the pink ribbon with it. Why’d you add that, anyway?”

The blonde shrugged, tugging at the short sleeves of her pink undershirt before her fingers traced up, grazing her black choker thoughtfully. “I dunno… purple isn’t really my color. Plus, Mari always told me that if I ever wore it, I should add my own addition to make it mine.”

“Oh, cool! Like your hair!”

Her voice was unsure, slow, as if she were looking over an unfinished painting for the final touches. “Yeah.. although, I still can’t wait to dye it pink one day. Change it up a little.”

She paused, before glancing over at Kim with interest. “I like your suit.”

On her top half, a tux sat, with a dark purple coat that perfectly complimented her bottom half—a lavender dress underneath, with sparkles and an unusual amount of tulle that gave it a fantastical element, like something straight out of a movie. Her black combat boots tied the whole outfit together, and weren’t too unlike the black scuffed up converse Aubrey was sporting.

“Thanks! It took forever to convince my mom to let me wear it.” Kim seemed to light up at the compliment, showing off her getup excitedly. “I think she only said yes considering there is an… urgh—Kim stuck out her tongue and scrunched her nose—a dress underneath. At least I still look totally rad.”

Before they could speak a bit more, though, the door clicked open and Vance walked through. He ruffled Kim’s short hair with a teasing grin as he spoke. “Actually, you look totally purple, not red.”

“Vance!” Kim exclaimed with an excited grin, pushing him away. She snickered, crossing her arms. “You really need your hearing checked out, dude. Are you ready for the party?”

Vance was quick to boast confidently. “Heck yeah! All dressed up and everything with a whole new shirt!”

…Ah. Right. He was wearing a green one this time. Aubrey hadn’t even noticed. Kim seemed to be just as proud as he was, though; throwing out her arms with a whoop. “That’s what I’m talking about! Dude, you think Cris’ll like this?”

“Maybe if you added a seashell hair clip.” Aubrey immediately started to look around the room, eyeing Kim’s messy dresser for anything ocean-related. Nothing seemed to stick out.

Vance nodded. “Or a seashell everything.”

Kim scoffed, sticking up her head with a grumble. “Ugh.. no thanks. I still don’t get how someone could like the beach that much.”

“Pfft… if that’s what you think, you and Cris are doomed.” Aubrey smirked, opting instead to grab her—well, Kim’s—black purse, running her fingers along the gladiolus design imprinted onto the fake leather. It had felt so personal to her that Kim barely asked for it back anymore.

“Wh— I’d go for her!” Kim retorted hotly.

Aubrey and Vance glanced at her with the exact same expression.

“Uh.. shut up. Stop looking at me like that. Y-You guys are just as bad! You hear me?!” Kim pointed at her, not too unlike an angry dachshund. She bounced on her toes, as excitable and flustered as a firework right about to sail into the sky, desperate to pop.

Vance walked back to the door before he glanced at Aubrey, tilting his head. “Anyway, I’m gonna go outside and get in the car. You coming?”

She nodded. “Yep.”

Kim’s furious voice sputtered out a yell, slightly muffled from her place behind the bedroom door. “T-This isn’t over! Get back here!”

Aubrey sighed, her cheeks flush against the spring chill lingering in the fresh air. She tensed ever-so-slightly as she waited for Kim’s mom to finish rolling down the car window.

The woman’s thick, ruby red framed glasses fogged up as she spoke. She sounded slightly enthused—a new high in comparison to her usual, monotone stillness that seemed to let tension linger in the air with every word. “Alright! You guys have a nice time at the party now. And remember…”

Kim, Aubrey and Vance all spoke in chirping unison. “No drinking, no drugs, no boys.” Needless to say, Aubrey looked away hastily when Kim glanced at her at the end. You’re one to talk, she scoffed lightly in her mind.

She didn’t let herself focus on that, piping up with a hint of a smile as she met the mother’s eyes. “Thanks for the ride, Mrs. Berley,” she remarked with a nod, her voice notably more polite and more withdrawn. When adults respected her, she respected them.

Mrs. Berley hummed with satisfaction. “You’re very welcome, Aubrey. See you all tonight at 9:15!”

Then, as quickly as they had gotten there, their car had zoomed away—Kim’s mom always did seem to be in a bit of a rush, even if she was a nice woman. As the three walked towards the school, Aubrey smirked teasingly as she elbowed her friend. “I still can’t believe your name is Kimberly Berley…”

Kim gawked as they stepped inside. “Hey, your name’s just as dumb! Don’t get on my case!”

Aubergine.

…Yeah. That is pretty bad.

She sighed. “…Fair point.”

Before Kim could get the chance to gloat, though, Maverick, Charlie and Angel quickly found them. Maverick ran in the front, his dress shoes sliding on the tiled floors as he stumbled for a minute before quickly regaining his breath with a weary grin. “Vance!” He called, swinging his arm around the guy proudly.

“Oh, hey guys.” Vance waved. Only Charlie waved back, the long blue sleeves of her dress draping against her arms as she did so.

Charlie was wearing a long, kind of worn-out dark blue dress with long blue sleeves and a skirt that pooled all the way to her ankles, complimenting her silver slippers in a way that reminded Aubrey of a galaxy. Her hair seemed to be pushed out of her face a little bit, but Aubrey couldn’t tell because the long, thick waves still dangled in front of her eyes like two unopened curtains.

But as for the cases of Mikhael and Angel….

Mikha-shoot, Maverick was showing off his golden button down shirt with a sparkly blue tie meant to look like a sword, the fabric shining brightly against the artificial lights like a glittery eyesore. Angel seemed to follow suit, wearing a shiny teal button down only with a zip up seafoam-green sweater to differentiate himself.

“Nice job on the matching thing, Vance,” Maverick proudly said. “I think soon enough, tuxedos will be BANNED from dances! Muahahaha!”

Angel frowned, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just couldn’t find my suit in my closet…”

The Maverick hissed back his response, his cheeks dusting pink. “Shush, Angel! Just watch me work my magic.” And then, to make things even worse, he turned to Aubrey and Kim and winked clumsily. It kind of looked like he had something in his eye. “…So, ladies. Have you noticed my fanclub?”

Aubrey looked around, confused. “No.”

He gawked, throwing his arms out as he whipped around from side to side, looking presumably for a group of girls to come running over to him. No one came—bad luck… again, Aubrey sighed to herself. “Wha— where’d they go?! They didn’t seriously take my money and leave?!”

At that, Kim burst out laughing, and Maverick could only grumble with annoyance. “Don’t laugh, Kimberly! It’s a crime! It’s theft! They should know not to mess with my otherworldly powers!”

That definitely earned a few weird glances from around them, but Angel didn’t care, nodding along. “We’ll have to track ‘em down, boss!”

She shrugged, directing their attention to the other corner of the room. “Right.. and before you do that, would you guys wanna go to the photo booth?”

A chorus of enthusiastic yeah’s rang out in stereo before Aubrey grinned as she told them to follow her. They all crowded into the tight photo booth as Aubrey was jammed between the far right wall and Kim, who was grumbling just as much as the blonde wanted to.

“Ack.. Angel, get out of the way! You’re squishing me!” Kim protested.

“You’re squishing me!”

“Can I be in the middle? I’d like a closeup of my ninja pose.”

“Guys, I can’t fit! Wait, why’d you start the timer?!”

“Alright… on three.” She nodded, reaching over to tap the screen. “One.. two.. three..”

The shutter flashed, and Aubrey’s face was painted white for a moment before she found herself blinking with squinted eyes and a dazed expression. Kim gasped, glancing at the photo hurriedly. “Ack.. Mikhael, why’d you do that?!”

He had done some crazy sort of warrior pose with his hands sprawled—one at his side, and one in front of his face to blur out his eyes mysteriously. Funnily enough, it had blocked out most of the camera’s vision, only showing little fragments of their faces between his fingers. Aubrey’s hesitant (and yet, amused) side-eye, Kim’s wide-eyed stare, Angel’s enthusiastic smile and Vance’s curiosity. Even Charlie had smiled a little.

Aubrey ran her thumb along the edge of the glossy photo, a smile creeping into her face. “Actually… I kind of like it.”

Something about being candid in a picture.

Soon enough, only Kim and Aubrey were left in the booth—it was understandable, Aubrey knew. It was cramped, hot, and the flash that came with every photo they took was blinding. It definitely wasn’t for everyone.

She didn’t really know why she still liked photographs after all this time, she realized. Reasonably, it would make sense for it all to feel like a chore at this point—the methodical scrubbing of every messed-up photo, the click and whirr that played on repeat in her memory as she glanced at every polished one. The only reason Aubrey could give herself was the fact that it served as a reminder to keep making new memories, to sometimes leave her old ones behind in search of new experiences. Aubrey could always take another photograph.

…Hah. She was thinking as if she was actually the one behind the camera. No, those times were long gone. They had vanished when Mari did.

“Hey, so.. maybe, I was thinking..” Kim tripped over her words for a second before taking a breath and glancing at her with furrowed brows and a much too serious attitude. “Should we take one more? Just the two of us?”

Aubrey nodded eagerly. “Sure. A funny one or a serious one?”

Kim’s lips twisted into a toothy grin. “Definitely a silly one! C’mon, Aubrey! You know me!”

She chuckled softly, going outside the photo booth and grabbing herself a pink tiara and a masquerade mask. Black with green accents; swirled, glittery designs that were fabulously tacky. They matched her bow nicely.

Kim was right beside her, grabbing a fluffy green boa and wrapping it around her neck happily. Quickly, they both filed back into the photo booth, pressing the button.

Cute—a picture perfect, photo booth memory. Untainted by Aubrey’s worries. Untainted by her woes. Just an appearance of how she was, just a flicker of a smile for a flicker of a moment in time. They both had the same thought, sticking out their tongues together while Kim had slung her arm around Aubrey’s shoulder and pulled her in.

Kim didn’t give her bunny ears like Kel would’ve. It made Aubrey kind of melancholic as her smile faded, taking out the picture gingerly.

“What’s wrong?” Kim echoed. “You don’t like it?”

Sunny would’ve accidentally blinked. Basil would’ve smiled bashfully. Hero would’ve winked teasingly. Mari would’ve sat there, perfect.

And yet, this was something new. It was her new, empty normal—proof of the life she had now lived with only Kel and The Hooligans remaining in it.

What made her miss Sunny? Miss Hero? Miss Basil?

She couldn’t say, so Aubrey just smiled. She liked it, she said.

Maybe she was telling the truth.

The dilemma vanished just as Kim did, quick as she left and ran to the dancefloor, Aubrey only sat there, silently alone with her thoughts before she sighed and pulled back the velvet curtain and walked through, grabbing a red solo cup of punch before she left the auditorium. Outside in the hallway, she sat on a step, feeling the melancholic tug of memories start to pull at her once again. All she could do was fall victim to them this time—to let them consume her, or else be consumed herself.

She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, the hallway didn’t look quite as white and tiled as it did before. Back in her old house, back with her old tears, back with her endless, screaming anger.

Well… Aubrey had wanted to scream.

Just because she wanted to didn’t mean she could.

Aubrey spent a lot of time lingering in that hallway. Her mouth was dry, her eyes were glazed blank, her mind was empty. She didn’t have the energy to take another step, not after her hours of tears and hopelessness.

Would he ever come back?

At first, she had thought that. She had let the thought entertain her. Any second now, her dad would burst through the door, hug her gently and take her with him. Soon, she promised herself. Soon he had to.

But he didn’t.

How long had she waited for him? A few hours? They felt like years at this point.

What would Mari have said?

He’ll come back, Mari’s voice reassured. It didn’t sound right. She’d try again.

He’ll miss you, it attempted. Why did none of them sound like her?

You’ll survive on your own, the last one said.

It didn’t sound right, either, but then again, Mari was gone.

She really only had herself.

Aubrey walked to the bathroom and filled up a cup of water. When she drank it, the lump in her throat didn’t go away.

She heard the footsteps against the tiles. She processed his smile. Only when she heard his friendly voice, though, was she brought back to the present. Aubrey looked up, feeling a heat on her cheeks and a shaken feeling unwinding in her gut.

“Can I sit here?” Kel grinned, his gaze warm. He was wearing a button down, pastel orange shirt and some normal black dress pants, slightly creased but pretty all the same.

For a second there, she had almost forgot that she was lying to him. To everyone.

Push it down, Aubrey. Don’t ruin this for yourself.

She blinked for a moment, before she nodded awkwardly. “Oh.. um. Hi. Sure.”

“Great, thanks!” He sat down right next to her, his tan, freckled arm pressed against hers, his hand casually resting on top of her own. “Told you I’d see you here!” He remarked teasingly before he looked away, thoughtful. “Weirdly enough, I was a little worried you wouldn’t come, haha… I kinda figured you’d hate dances.”

Aubrey shrugged, her lips pressing together into a set, worried line. She could feel something coming to the surface—the unfinished memory in the back of her mind clawing at her conscience. How long could she keep this up?

Just try,

she told herself. Do it for him. It’s what Mari would do.

“Not really. I could, but.. I don’t know. They’re kind of fun, even if they’re pretty cheesy.” She blushed at the last bit, embarrassed.

He chuckled before pointing to the string lights and paper star lanterns hanging outside of the auditorium entrance, lighting it a soft purple that buzzed with energy. “Yeah! I mean.. look at these decorations! Everyone put so much effort into making them look nice and stuff. That can’t all be for nothing!”

She nodded, slightly amused at his optimism. “…Fair point. They make me think how we used to stargaze when we were kids. Remember how Sunny could always pick out every constellation?”

Kel lit up, his wide, sunny grin stretching the corners of his lips as he reminisced right alongside her. “Oh, yeah! He’d do that for hours! I swear, he could tell me my horoscope before I even asked.”

Aubrey smiled, raising an eyebrow skeptically. “You were curious about your horoscope?”

Kel huffed, wagging his finger ever so seriously. “Hey, horoscopes are cool! You can see the future…” His voice drifted off, mysteriously hushed at the end as he chuckled to himself.

She rolled her eyes, letting herself easily succumb to the familiarity of childhood spats. Back and forth was a comfort to her when it was with him, after all. “They’re also not real.”

“Whatever, Aubs.. one day, you’re gonna learn to lighten up and have fun.”

That set her off—got her flustered, stubborn. Her eyes widened and her eyebrows furrowed as she defended herself hotly. “I-I do have fun! I have tons of fun!”

He snorted, resting his cheek atop his fist cheekily. “Oh, yeah? When?”

Aubrey scrambled, before fishing the photo of her and Kim out from her purse. “Uh. Like in here!”

He quirked a brow. “You look so bored.”

She hated how he was right. Luckily, she didn’t have to tell him that, her hissed out voice barely controllable. “I do not!”

“You look like your favorite food is cardboard.”

“That’s stupid.”

Kel’s voice heightened for a moment before he sighed, cooling off with a sip of the punch in his hand. “You’re— okay, wait. Let’s get back on track for a sec. What were you saying about Sunny?”

Oh, right. She thought about it before she responded, her gaze distant. “Just that he was always so.. precise about it. He’d tell you about every star he saw if you just asked.”

She continued on, lost in her thought. Sadness pricked at her words like a thorn in her side, bitter and clouded with loss. “He shared that with Mari. They were both so alike sometimes..”

Kel paused, his breath catching for a moment before he rubbed her back, pulling her closer. She felt all the warmer as he did so, sending him a small smile that was reserved only for his eyes. “Hey. Well.. don’t talk about him like he’s not coming back. He can’t stay cooped up forever, right? He has to come out sometime!”

Aubrey stopped, glancing away again hesitantly. “Without Mari to help him face his fears? We both know that’s not gonna happen.”

Kel always had so much faith in people. He always wanted to do the right thing, but even more, he’d constantly assume that other people wanted to just as much. It only made sense that he didn’t have an ounce of doubt lingering in his voice as he reassured her hopefully. “Well, even if that were true.. Sunny loves us, Aubs. He’ll know that we have his back just as much as Mari did.”

“...And then what?”

Her voice came out so small, Aubrey barely even realized she said it until he looked at her that way. She couldn’t stop, though—her concerns lifted from her gut like a guilty confession. “Do you think he’d have ours? If push comes to shove, should I keep being there for someone that’s never gonna be there for me?”

She knew she felt hurt, but it had only fully processed when she voiced it. It stung, emotion swelling in her broken, angry voice. “If I know it’s hopeless, should I really keep waiting for him to be his old self again?”

He sighed, looking away with a frown before blinking that look away from his eyes—now replaced with a determined, firm smile. “…Yeah. At least, that’s what I’d do.”

“Your friends are your everything.. and a good one wouldn’t leave theirs behind, I think. I’ll never give up on Sunny. Not on anyone. No matter what.”

She hadn’t even noticed he had gotten up before she realized he was standing right in front of her now—holding out his hand that Aubrey had wanted to trust so many times before. Only now could she confidently do it.

She took it and scoffed affectionately, looking at him with shining eyes. “You’re so stubborn.”

Kel shrugged. “Only about things that matter. Now, c’mon!”

Ah-!

He took her and immediately dragged her to the dancefloor, unusually quiet for a moment before the music started to play.

Chapter Text

She heard the footsteps against the tiles. She processed his smile. Only when she heard his friendly voice, though, was she brought back to the present. Aubrey looked up, feeling a heat on her cheeks and a shaken feeling unwinding in her gut.

“Can I sit here?” Kel grinned, his gaze warm. He was wearing a button down, pastel orange shirt and some normal black dress pants, slightly creased but pretty all the same. 

For a second there, she had almost forgot that she was lying to him. To everyone.

Push it down, Aubrey. Don’t ruin this for yourself.

She blinked for a moment, before she nodded awkwardly. “Oh.. um. Hi. Sure.”

“Great, thanks!” He sat down right next to her, his tan, freckled arm pressed against hers, his hand casually resting on top of her own. “Told you I’d see you here!” He remarked teasingly before he looked away, thoughtful. “Weirdly enough, I was a little worried you wouldn’t come, haha… I kinda figured you’d hate dances.”

Aubrey shrugged, her lips pressing together into a set, worried line. She could feel something coming to the surface—the unfinished memory in the back of her mind clawing at her conscience. How long could she keep this up?

Just try, she told herself. Do it for him. It’s what Mari would do.

 “Not really. I could, but.. I don’t know. They’re kind of fun, even if they’re pretty cheesy.” She blushed at the last bit, embarrassed.

He chuckled before pointing to the string lights and paper star lanterns hanging outside of the auditorium entrance, lighting it a soft purple that buzzed with energy. “Yeah! I mean.. look at these decorations! Everyone put so much effort into making them look nice and stuff. That can’t all be for nothing!”

She nodded, slightly amused at his optimism. “…Fair point. They make me think how we used to stargaze when we were kids. Remember how Sunny could always pick out every constellation?”

Kel lit up, his wide, sunny grin stretching the corners of his lips as he reminisced right alongside her. “Oh, yeah! He’d do that for hours! I swear, he could tell me my horoscope before I even asked.”

Aubrey smiled, raising an eyebrow skeptically. “You were curious about your horoscope?”

Kel huffed, wagging his finger ever so seriously. “Hey, horoscopes are cool! You can see the future…” His voice drifted off, mysteriously hushed at the end as he chuckled to himself.

She rolled her eyes, letting herself easily succumb to the familiarity of childhood spats. Back and forth was a comfort to her when it was with him, after all. “They’re also not real.”

“Whatever, Aubs.. one day, you’re gonna learn to lighten up and have fun.”

That set her off—got her flustered, stubborn. Her eyes widened and her eyebrows furrowed as she defended herself hotly. “I-I do have fun! I have tons of fun!”

He snorted, resting his cheek atop his fist cheekily. “Oh, yeah? When?”

Aubrey scrambled, before fishing the photo of her and Kim out from her purse. “Uh. Like in here!”

He quirked a brow. “You look so bored.”

She hated how he was right. Luckily, she didn’t have to tell him that, her hissed out voice barely controllable. “I do not !”

“You look like your favorite food is cardboard.”

“That’s stupid.”

Kel’s voice heightened for a moment before he sighed, cooling off with a sip of the punch in his hand. “You’re— okay, wait. Let’s get back on track for a sec. What were you saying about Sunny?”

Oh, right. She thought about it before she responded, her gaze distant. “Just that he was always so.. precise about it. He’d tell you about every star he saw if you just asked.”

She continued on, lost in her thought. Sadness pricked at her words like a thorn in her side, bitter and clouded with loss. “He shared that with Mari. They were both so alike sometimes..” 

Kel paused, his breath catching for a moment before he rubbed her back, pulling her closer. She felt all the warmer as he did so, sending him a small smile that was reserved only for his eyes. “Hey. Well.. don’t talk about him like he’s not coming back. He can’t stay cooped up forever, right? He has to come out sometime!”

Aubrey stopped, glancing away again hesitantly. “Without Mari to help him face his fears? We both know that’s not gonna happen.”

Kel always had so much faith in people. He always wanted to do the right thing, but even more, he’d constantly assume that other people wanted to just as much. It only made sense that he didn’t have an ounce of doubt lingering in his voice as he reassured her hopefully. “Well, even if that were true.. Sunny loves us, Aubs. He’ll know that we have his back just as much as Mari did.”

“...And then what?”

Her voice came out so small, Aubrey barely even realized she said it until he looked at her that way. She couldn’t stop, though—her concerns lifted from her gut like a guilty confession. “Do you think he’d have ours? If push comes to shove, should I keep being there for someone that’s never gonna be there for me?”

She knew she felt hurt, but it had only fully processed when she voiced it. It stung, emotion swelling in her broken, angry voice. “If I know it’s hopeless, should I really keep waiting for him to be his old self again?”

He sighed, looking away with a frown before blinking that look away from his eyes—now replaced with a determined, firm smile. “…Yeah. At least, that’s what I’d do.”

“Your friends are your everything.. and a good one wouldn’t leave theirs behind, I think. I’ll never give up on Sunny. Not on anyone. No matter what.”

She hadn’t even noticed he had gotten up before she realized he was standing right in front of her now—holding out his hand that Aubrey had wanted to trust so many times before. Only now could she confidently do it.

She took it and scoffed affectionately, looking at him with shining eyes. “You’re so stubborn.”

Kel shrugged. “Only about things that matter. Now, c’mon!”

Ah-!

He took her and immediately dragged her to the dance floor, unusually quiet for a moment before the music started to play.

The song was cheesy—an old, 80’s love ballad with long, purred out synth and cheesy lyrics. Aubrey couldn’t help but giggle at it. “Did you know they’d be playing this?”

“Nope,” he let his hand find her waist, resting it on her lip steadily with a flustered sigh. Kel didn’t really seem to know what he was doing, either. “Sorry, I’ve, um..” he paused, his gaze fluttering around the room for a quick moment before he admitted his thoughts with a sheepish sigh. “I’m not really good at this sort of thing.”

Aubrey let out an amused snort, tilting her head playfully. “And you think I am?” She quipped back, shaking her head with a fierce blush. “You’re.. better than you think you are, Kel. Trust me.”

Kel tilted his head curiously before he spun her, meeting her back in the middle with a confused grin. “Huh? How so?”

“Well.. you’re not bad at dancing. And you’re.. okay, shut up.” She paused, her cheeks hot as she tried to give him a death glare to wipe that smug look off his face. The twist of his brows, that knowing smirk, the infuriatingly sly way he ran his finger around the ribbon in the back of her corset and pulled her in just a little more. He could read Aubrey like a book, and it was painful.

Of course, though, he played dumb even despite that victorious twinkle in his eyes. “I’m not saying anything.”

“You’re so annoying, you know that? I forgot to add that in, but that’s reason two.” She huffed, her fingers tightening around his comfy grip as they danced. Aubrey could swear she was floating, everything else seeming to blur away except the two of them.

“Annoying, huh?” He chuckled playfully. “But, like.. really, really likable too. Kind of handsome, actually.”

The swell in the song came just as quickly as the rush of emotions did as Aubrey  finally put herself back in charge. Good , she thought to herself as her hands found his waist. I won’t let him get too cocky.

Without warning, she dipped him.

And he was beautiful.

The way his eyes widened, caught off guard and transfixed on her face. The way his cheeks flushed deep red, perfect and stupid and everything Aubrey loved to see. The way his mouth opened just a little, tongue-tied in the most satisfying, adorable way. Like he couldn’t believe she would do that. Like he couldn’t believe this was happening. Aubrey savored every second of it, finding herself laughing warmly at his dumbfounded look with no ounce of regret.

 “Maybe just a little bit,” she murmured, watching him nod quietly as she raised him back up, now tilting her head to meet his eyes. She giggled as his hand found her chin, but let herself inhale quietly as it brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

He leaned in, and Aubrey was full of thoughts.

If this was a fantasy, it was a perfect one. It was heaven in a single touch. It was everything in just a flicker of emotion.

But it wasn’t a fantasy anymore. At least, it wouldn’t be. 

This was.. real.

Promises weren’t always meant to be broken, Aubrey had thought. 

Well, she remembered her silent promise to herself as she looked in the bathroom mirror that day, the sound of her dad slamming the door behind him unbearably repeating in her mind. Her tears had made her throat raw. Her palms were shaky. Her expression was frozen.

“I’ll never let myself get hurt like this again.”

Above everything, Aubrey had to keep that promise. 

She pulled away, sputtered something she couldn’t make out, and ran.

Fragmented memories overwhelmed her in rapid, icy waves, goosebumps tearing up her skin as she slammed the bathroom door behind her. She dropped to the tiled, cold floor, her palms sweaty against it. How did she even get here? It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. 

Aubrey sniffled, and realized she was hiccuping, gasping for air. Her breath was shallow and useless—empty gulps of something she wasn’t breathing. Her heart pounded in her chest, her fingers fisted at her clothes, her knees pulled up to her twisting stomach. 

She just wanted to be as small as possible. 

To get away. 

Why was she acting like this? Was this rational? Normal?

It was going so well.

She just didn’t want to break it—not her promise, not the fantasy, not her heart. She was already broken enough, inside and out, in every way since Mari had died. Since her dad left her. Since her mom left her. Since everyone left her. 

Was she already past the point of no return?

Was she already torn up?

Did she.. do it all by herself? Did she make a mistake, should— should she have let him lean in, let his lips brush hers, let this become real?

A pang of sadness grasped in her gut, like the twist of a knife already stabbed in. It wrenched at her already existing guilt, a furious reminder of everything bad Aubrey had done and everything bad she would do. 

She buried her head in her knees. It was so, so much. 

She should have known this was coming. From the very first memory, while Kim was fixing up her dress, she should’ve anticipated that something would have set her off. Ever since Basil had made the pact with her, her lies were crawling up her spine, nipping at every word she said, haunting every stray thought they could entertain. 

She just didn’t think they would break her that fast.

After a while had passed, Aubrey knew she had to get up.  She unlocked the door and looked at herself in the mirror. As expected, she was an absolute mess—her eyes squinted, her jaw tense, her teeth gritted. 

Well.

She had to keep going on. To fix this.

She fixed up her hair, sniffled, and walked outside. She choked down a shaky gulp of water and felt better. She let her fists unclench.

Aubrey walked back into the auditorium, and looked for him. She let her emotions sail—hope springing in her when she saw someone who looked like him, disappointment when it never was true. As if he had vanished into nothing but a memory, hints of him reflected on other people’s faces—his wide grin, his sly look, his innocent, crinkled eyes. Aubrey knew it wasn’t that he was unoriginal. He was the first.

Her thoughts processed each and every person with scrutiny. This one had brown curls. This one had tan skin. This one had a jersey on. This one poured punch into their cup. She stood anxiously by the door, waiting for a sign, any sign that he was still here. After half an hour, Aubrey knew that he probably wasn’t. 

She would try anyway. Her numb mind running purely on instinct, she found Kim hanging out with Vance and Cris, laughing easily together. Cris’ sequined blue dress shined against Aubrey’s eyes, but she barely squinted.

“Hi,” she croaked out. 

Kim raised her eyebrows, smiling wide. “Hey, Aubrey! What’s up?” Quickly, though, she softened. “Are.. are you okay?”

She frowned, looking away with a rush of silent fear. “I’m looking for Kel. Have you seen him?”

Cris smirked. “Ooh. Why are you looking for him?”

In her right mind, Aubrey probably wouldn’t have glared at her. Good thing her right mind was far, far away from here. “None of your business.”

Kim hissed in a breath, cautious. “Woah. Dude..”

Good. She should be cautious. Aubrey had a bad feeling about wherever Kel had went.

“Please.” Her voice came out more urgent than it should’ve. Whatever.

“..Okay, okay, fine.” Kim sighed, her hands resting on her hips. “I think he’s out back? Right?”

When had that happened?

Vance nodded. Cris only stared ahead at her, perplexed. Aubrey wanted to sneer, but she didn’t have the energy to.

She nodded, relieved. “..Thanks, guys. I’m gonna go look outside, then.”

And with that, Aubrey ran outside. The cool, night wind whipped at her hair and her hot face, leaving her shivering in the open. 

She looked around, desperate. Finally, a voice.

“I just.. don’t know if she’d do that.” Kel. 

Right between two people she had never seen before (except, on second thought, maybe at his lunch table or at the sports meeting). They leaned against the brick wall of the school, to her right. Her presence lingered so closely that her heart pounded in her chest.

“Of course she would,” one scoffed. “Have you seen her? Aubrey’s not the same, man. She’s all goth now.”

The other one snickered. Or was that Kel’s voice?

“Yeah,” the other agreed. “She should really be expelled, honestly. I heard her and Basil the other day… she was fucking screaming at him for no reason. He just wanted his album back, from what I heard from him.”

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

Did Basil tell someone? Break his promise first? Did he.. did he get them to tell Kel?

Her breath quickened.

They continued. “You really shouldn’t hang out with a jerk like that, especially not one who bullies innocent guys. I mean.. have you heard what the church says about her? The way she talks, the way she dresses… it’s disgusting.”

Did she imagine the way that Kel’s breath hitched?

“What have you been doing with her, anyway?” The guy spoke again.

“..I don’t know. We were doing this, um.. letter.. we were hanging out.”

A moment of silence, and then both of the others burst into laughter. 

“Aww… were you guys going on little dates? You’re hilarious, Desoto. Leading her on like that… you know, that weirdo might actually have a crush on you now!”

Laughs again. Aubrey wasn’t imagining the way her cheeks were heating up, her lips twisting into a mortified frown. 

“Too bad you’re not into depressed freaks, huh?”

A pause, and then a darkened reply. "…Yeah. T-Too bad.”

What?

What?

Was this really happening?

Aubrey couldn’t believe it.

These strangers were painting Basil out to be some innocent, just person with nothing wrong with him. They didn’t even know what he had done! They didn’t even know why she did it! They knew nothing about the situation, and they were going to paint her as the bad guy?!

And Kel just let them say it. He was going to agree with them, all just because he was mad at her about the kiss. He wasn’t even going to object to the names they called her, to the accusations they were throwing at her, not even when he had always seemed to be the good cop, the- the nice one. She thought she could trust him, but..

Was that a lie?

Did Kel lead her on?

Did he ever even care, just a little bit?

What had he said about her? What else did he think about her?

She had let him in, and this was what had happened. 

Aubrey slammed the door behind her as she left.

Chapter Text

Everything was fine. Kel, Aubrey, Basil and Sunny had all taken out their umbrellas of designated colors as they watched the rain shower down onto the darkening pavement. Aubrey’s eyes shined with anticipation as she breathed in, allowing the scent of moisture to fill her nose and the taste of salt water to coat her tongue. She favored this time of year—spring, when her birthday was just around the corner and all of Basil’s flowers started to sprout.

She smiled to herself, imagining the sweet florals of Basil’s garden, the way that the soft petals of a lily of the valley would slide under her fingertips when she held it a bit closer to the sun.

A lily of the valley! That’s right—she had something she was going to do with Mari!

Aubrey beamed to herself, turning to face Sunny, who stared back with shining, so-brown-that-they’re-practically-black eyes. If you didn’t know him well, you might think that Sunny was judgemental or apathetic, but Aubrey knew in her heart that wasn’t the case at all!

Even the smallest flickers of emotions displayed great emotion in Sunny…when his eyes gleamed with a newfound curiosity, when a smallest bit of a smile broke from his lips…Aubrey could tell he was just as emotional as everyone else! She knew he’d have something interesting to say about her idea!

“Oh, Sunny, that reminds me! Mari and I were talking about dying our hair together. Mari says she’s gonna dye her hair purple.” Aubrey talked quickly, her enthusiasm spilling into her voice as she fidgeted with a strand of her hair, trying to stop the frizz from the rain from messing up her thick brunette locks.

Hehe…soon they’d be locks of a different color, she smiled to herself.

A voice sounded from beside her—an annoying, raspy, boyish one at that, that happened to make her feel all nervous and irritated and smiley at the same time. She turned, facing Kel with a quirked brow and a small frown.

“P-P-Purple?!” Kel barked, his eyes wide with surprise and comedic disgust. As if he couldn’t see how great of a color purple was.

Aubrey smirked sneakily, lingering closer to him to look at Kel face-to-face, as her voice drew lower and teasing. Kel stiffened a bit, drawing in a quick, scared breath. Sometimes she just loved a stir a reaction out of him! “…You wanna know what color I chose?”

He stepped back, whipping his head around to stare at Basil and Sunny in immature annoyance, as if he wanted them to be on his side. “Wait… are you saying you wanna dye your hair…PINK?!”

“Ewww… that’s weird…” He stuck out his tongue, his small frown exaggerating into a clear grossed-out-face. “Why would you ever do that?”

Aubrey sighed lightly, shrugging as she looked at the strand of hair she was playing with. If even the tips were pink, it would be even prettier than it was now. Mari always complimented her on her well-kept hair, and if she could turn it into her favorite color by next year, she just knew she’d be the coolest girl in seventh grade.

“I don’t know… I just thought it would be cute! Mari thinks so, too!” She responded, giggling a bit at the end. Kel flushed a bit, in either embarrassment or anger, she guessed. She didn’t care either way.

“Hmph…I’ll never understand you two and your crazy ideas,” he said, shaking his head. Of course he would never get it. He was a boy, and boys were gross…especially Kel! Aubrey hmmphed.

“I think pink would look good on you, Aubrey,” Basil offered, his light smile reliable and steady. There was something a bit off about him though, but she just couldn’t place her finger on it. She squinted a bit.

As she did, though, it looked like a few photographs seemed to flurry around him. A few at first, and then a lot, and then tons… all scattering the darkening surroundings and turning everything black, as they quickly started to fade and fizzle into the black floors. Aubrey gasped, but it caught in her throat, suffocating her with a pressure around her neck and chest that she couldn’t get rid of.

Fear wrenched her out of her safe, comfortable demeanor, as she threw herself to the ground, trying to save the photographs vanishing into the floor below her. She grabbed one, clutching it shakily in her palm as she looked at it desperately, but it was scribbled out in black marker. Even in her hands, as if put to a flame, it cindered and ebbed away, a memory now gone to nothingness.

“No,” Aubrey gasped for air, but her voice wasn’t young anymore. She wasn’t the girl she once was, those memories were all dead and gone and buried because of her. When she changed, she tore her way out of that hell, but she knew she also tore her way out of any chance at happiness.

Time was escaping her. It was all her fault, and only her fault, and that was why everyone left, and left, and left, and left—

“Aubrey… look at me.” A hand reached out, cupping her chin and tilting it sweetly to look up at the figure in front of her. For a moment, everything turned white.

Mari’s face. Gentle. Kind. Perfect. She was perfection itself, everything that Aubrey worshipped and prayed for and loved as a sister deeper than any other bond she had, and Aubrey hated her memory just as much. She told herself that, anyway. That she hated Mari.

She felt sick. Sick and horrible and cruel. Unworthy, undeserving of this person she never got to have for very long. And angry. So, so, immature and stupid and angry.

“Mari,” she breathed, on the verge of an apology she’d never let herself spit out.

“Listen, Aubrey. I have something important to tell you, that you should always keep in mind, okay?” Mari shook her head with a small giggle, ignoring her friend’s beg of a whisper to just be in her presence a little longer.

Just for a minute. One more minute.

She wanted safety, comfort for just another minute.

“Are you listening, Aubrey?”

Aubrey nodded, sniffling. She leaned into the older girl’s touch, before feeling it grow cold as it seemed to pierce her skin in a matter of seconds like thousands of pieces of broken glass. She winced, but didn’t say a single thing.

“You should feel ashamed for everything you’ve done.” Mari said with a blank, perfect smile. Her eyes were closed, but her eyelids didn’t crinkle like they used to. Her lips curved upwards, but it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real.

“This is all your fault.”

Aubrey choked out a sob, her tears rushing from her eyes like a stupid, small kid. She whimpered, clenching her hair and trying to wrench it out desperately, because she knew Mari was right, she knew she was a bully—

Mari distorted and changed from form to form; her hair becoming thin, dark tendrils that wrapped down and engulfed her face until only a single white eye stared into Aubrey’s own.

She remembered that face. She hated that face. She almost heaved at the sight of it.

She willed it to change, and it did.

Sunny, an empty, black stare boring into her own eyes. Hero, only a silhouette, only a glimpse of happiness. Kel.

She didn’t know why, but she felt furious and lonely for him at the same time. She grabbed onto him, and tried to pull him into a touch-starved embrace, craving for anything that wasn’t horrible imagery already inked on paper in her mind’s thoughts.

Kel didn’t hug her back, not one bit. Just left her, alone, like at that party. Like after Mari’s death. Like whenever she needed him.

She felt her breaths get ragged, uncontrollable just like everyone said she was. And maybe she was. She laughed a little, startling herself as she tried to dig her nails into his back and make herself have some sort of lasting presence in SOMEONE, ANYONE’S LIFE—

“Sunny says that he thinks pink is a great color!” A soft, breathy voice sounded behind them. Aubrey stumbled back, staring wide eyed at a younger Basil in his rain soaked green coat. When he smiled wide like that, his lips thinned out and he looked like he had barely any at all.

The body she was once clutching was a brunette, 12 year old girl in a pink raincoat and an even pinker umbrella. She walked up to Basil, and squeezed his hand with a joyous, innocent smile—one that was like if youth, glitter and everything kind in the world was shaken up and blended into a little girl.

“I’m so glad that you’re my friend,” she whispered, craning her head to stare directly up at Aubrey as she said so. Then, she turned back to Basil, giggled softly, and disappeared without a trace.

She was gone.

Aubrey stared silently back at the only remaining person in the room, and fell to her knees, weeping silently.

Why did he have to do this? Why did he destroy everything?

Why did she have to go?

She couldn’t comprehend the flood of emotions ebbing through her all at once, like a tidal wave of sorrow and fury and pain. It was too much.

She needed to turn to something reliable, and as she looked through the openings between her fingers at her childhood best friend, she knew just what it could be.

Something that she tried to push down, tried to reason with but just couldn’t hold. She felt like a vicious, untouchable predator, so full of hurt and hatred that had formed after years of tears, and divorces and deaths and backstabs from best friends.

That little girl was her. Sweet, innocent Aubrey, who had pet stray cats and who had kissed cheeks and who had a soft spot for every person she came across.

And Basil took that away, took everything away with a black marker. He had blacked out Kel, and Mari, and Sunny and Hero and the little girl that Aubrey once was. The choking suffocation of her horror faded, as this new intense agony fueled her to step closer, and closer…

She summoned her bat, as it glitched and tore itself into her palm like a trusted friend. She didn’t have to watch it do as she wanted, she had gone through enough and she knew that whatever she wanted was her’s.

This world had no choice but to obey. Life had no choice but to obey. Basil had no choice but to take it, because he deserved it and because she deserved to get her way for once in her life.

Aubrey knew she didn’t care if it was wrong. Aubrey knew it wasn’t pertinent, wasn’t serving her any good to sit and waste time on tears no one would have any pity for. And, God, she was so angry. More than anything.

But Aubrey thought of Mari’s smile as she wound up her bat, as if preserved in slow motion. Would Mari have wanted this?

Her grip loosened, and she shook a little.

Aubrey thought of Sunny, closing his knees to his chest comfortably as he listened to Basil talk about a new comic book, and she noticed as Basil’s kind smile flickered into fear in front of her.

Would Sunny want this?

Hero, the light in her life who always lent an ear and a comforting hand. Aubrey always tried to do a little better every day, just for him. She knew he liked to worry, and hesitated, even for half a second.

Would he want this?

Would Kel want this?

His smile, the brush of his fingers, the back and forth banter of their relationship, his boyish grin, his frustrating obliviousness, his horrible likability, his strong sense of good.

But Kel had left her. They all had.

She wouldn’t make the same mistakes this time. Aubrey wasn’t going to let that child be hurt again.

She wrenched free of her morality, prepared to hit, and the clock struck twelve.

Aubrey woke up in a cold sweat, her fingers clenching and twisting her sheets as tears ran down her pale face. Her mouth was agape, unable to mutter out another word as she just proceeded to close it with a small sigh through her nose. She didn’t have any words to say, any thoughts to think. She felt blank, completely and bitterly blank.

What could she even think about that? She had made up her mind in her dream; she had to protect herself. Basil did horrible things to the photo album, Basil destroyed every memory that Aubrey held close to her.

It was reason enough to hate him.

It was reason enough to despise him.

And so that was what Aubrey planned on doing, even if she didn’t want to. Mari deserved her justice, and Aubrey knew she had to protect her friend’s memory with everything she had; every cruel word she had, every insult she could throw. She didn’t care if it was immature. She didn’t care about the tangled web of conflicted thoughts she wanted to think.

God, everything was just… too hard right now. Her head hurt, her blonde hair was frizzy, and her ego had been lifted high, torn down and then lifted up again in a confusing whirlwind of Kel-related emotions as of last night.

So, Aubrey did what she could in her situation. The 15 year old girl got up from her bed and made it. She smoothed down the messy covers and replaced the clean white sheets, and fluffed up the pink pillow with a tired wham. As she did so, she unconsciously looked for Mr. Plantegg, and then sighed…pausing. She had no time for nostalgics. She had to keep on moving, just keep on moving.

She looked at the purple picture frame she held in her room, dusting it off to admire the photo inside with a small, hesitant smile. They had just taken it yesterday. It was a picture of Kim and Aubrey, with Kim in her lilac outfit and a violet boa wrapped around her neck, and Aubrey in her black dress, complemented by pink and green accessories that matched aspects of her own outfit. They were both sticking their tongues out, their eyes shining with a mischievous gleam to them that couldn’t be erased.

It was a nice photo. Aubrey had spent a lot of time looking back on memories lately, as that deep-seated fear and anger had rested in the pit of her stomach. She was glad to be reminded of something recent amongst the rest.

Aubrey didn’t know how to put it, but it was normal for time to move ahead of her in a way. She felt stuck in the past and future constantly, always getting ahead of herself even since she was a kid. Every good moment had seemed like a reminder that it would end eventually, and it hurt worse than anything.

But she wanted to focus on what was in front of her. She needed to keep moving.

It was Mari’s birthday, after all.

Aubrey was feeling a little better. She had taken a hot shower, had combed through her tangles and had decided on an outfit (a cream-colored band tee shirt from Kim and some black, baggy jeans). She had brushed her teeth, washed her face and had even cleaned up a bit, taking the trash out as she got ready to leave the house as soon as possible. She preferred to be out of the house rather than in, considering the state of everything.

She climbed up the latter one last time, and grabbed her pink and teal backpack. She had shoved all of the love letters into the front pocket, and had also stored some extra money from her last odd job into the side pocket. That would cover breakfast.

Now, for today, she had thought to herself. Aubrey walked a little closer to her bulletin board, feeling that familiar tinge of a mysterious feeling she couldn’t pinpoint as she did so. Uncomfortably, she deliberately ignored the photos they had taken in the rain as kids as she took down three halfway done photos. Those photos, now with pellucid black marks over them, once clearly showed memories of Aubrey and her friends making flower crowns.

She remembered the beautiful smells of the flowers, and the smile on her face as she finished her crown. She remembered how hard Mari was on herself, and how determined Hero was to finish. She remembered her exaggerated annoyance as she teased Kel for getting distracted and leaving with Sunny so early, and how he just shrugged and said it wasn’t a big deal.

She had found him so dumb then. Cute, too. Her crush on him was so frustrating at the time… but looking back on it now, her simple, fairytale idea of love seemed so trivial.

She immediately shook her head. Aubrey was so glad Kel wasn’t here to see that. What was she thinking? Everything was different now. Bad different.

Aubrey couldn’t let her guard down again. She didn’t like Kel. Clearing his photo up was just…a favor that she promised herself she didn’t enjoy.

She placed them carefully into her pocket, and grabbed her bottle of rubbing alcohol (that also doubled as nail polish remover) and her plastic bag of cotton balls, safely tucking those away. She had a lot to work on today…and a lot to think about, too.

Aubrey tried to leave her room as quickly as possible, ducking around the bottles of beer scattered on the floor as not to trip. She couldn’t wait to leave as quickly as possible; she’d get into a good college with Kim and get a nice job, and never have to see this town ever again. Never have to see Basil, or Sunny, or Kel again.

Maybe Kim would leave with her, she hummed to herself quietly. Aubrey walked out the door of her house and slowly clicked it closed, listening to the soft chirp of the birds around her and the thrum of nearby cars that drove by. Aubrey walked around the house, avoiding the stop sign as she hefted up her old, blue bicycle and rode it down her street.

And as she rode it, parked it and sat her things down temporarily, she sighed, a little bitter as she took out the photos. She didn’t know why she craved change so much, and yet still yearned for the past, for an unchanging constant she never got. She had new friends, a new life, but today was still Mari’s birthday. She was still tending to Basil’s photos. She still felt broken.

Aubrey walked up to the counter, picking up her goods and her bag, as she walked outside the bakery and sat down on a park bench beside it. She savored the shade from the trees, soaking in the moment in a bittersweet melancholy. The sound of cicadas and chirping birds did nothing to calm the noise in her mind, though. Aubrey took a small bite of the pastry she had bought before setting it down and opening back up her bag, getting out the equipment she had placed inside. Her fingers tightened slightly against the photographs as she noticed someone walking towards her, feeling a nervous instinct to protect her friends and their memories at any cost.

As the person got closer, though, she recognized them by their soft smile, floral-patterned sweater and gentle wrinkles, the mark of a kind old woman. It was Basil’s Grandmother; one of the few nurturing, parental figures in Aubrey’s life that she couldn’t help but feel close to. His grandmother had always been a helpful, wise presence in all of their lives; her advice and calm demeanor always made her seem kind of saintly, someone who you could confide your sins in with a lighter feeling after. The best part was, Aubrey knew none of this woman’s secrets and that was the beauty of it; she knew that the paternal figure could hold hers lock and key, with no doubt in her mind.

She instantly felt a pang of guilt low in her stomach, crawling up her arms and filling her with a sense of worried dread. Was she about to scold Aubrey for Aubrey’s treatment of her grandson? Aubrey knew she deserved it, but there was an instant desperation to not disappoint this woman that she felt raw in her throat, as if tears were already welling up and pricking at the corners of her eyes.

“Could I sit here, dearie?” Basil’s grandmother asked kindly, her voice caring and compassionate in an unmistakable way. Aubrey couldn’t say no.

“Oh… sure,” she responded hesitantly, quietly. She almost felt ashamed.

Basil’s grandmother sat down beside her, as the woman took out a plastic ziplock bag full of frozen peas and started to shake them in her palm, throwing them out to the grass quietly. It attracted what Aubrey didn’t expect—a mass of black birds that seemed to know her well—as they all flew to the ground and started pecking at them eagerly. Aubrey was in awe, she could admit.

“Now, watch this,” Basil’s grandmother smirked. She whistled with her index and thumb, and it seemed like the birds recognized the call—in moments, they all flew away, and Aubrey tilted her head in confusion.

“What’d you do that for?” She asked, her eyebrows furrowing.

“Oh, just watch.”

Basil’s grandmother chuckled slyly, her eyes shining with teasing amusement. Aubrey did what she was told when it came to Basil’s grandmother, so she waited and watched patiently.

In a minute or so, all of the blackbirds had returned, with varying numbers of green paper—cash. Tens, ones, fives, and even a fifty or two were all soon happily in the hand of an old lady, who just winked at Aubrey as she picked it all up and started to count them. The crows brought it to the grandmother’s feet, and in response, they ate up the next wave of peas that came sprinkling down onto the ground happily.

“How’d you get them to do that?” Aubrey wondered out loud.

“Bribes.” Basil’s grandmother elbowed her lightly. “It’s nice to see you again, Aubrey.”

“You remember me?” She questioned in response, feeling a little relieved at the fact. She was given a bit of peace to hear that the old woman’s memory was still working well.

It was funny how everything seemed to remind her of those few years. When everyone had all been friends, Hero was always first to worry about the grandmother’s health—if her joints felt alright, if she felt sick at all…it actually had made Aubrey realize why Hero could be a doctor if he wanted. His compassion made it natural for him to care (and fuss) for others, even when it was a little overbearing at points. Maybe that worrying had rubbed off on Aubrey, an amused voice suggested in the back of Aubrey’s head. She pushed it away with an annoyed huff, turning to gaze at Basil’s grandmother.

“Of course,” the kind woman responded with knowing clarity. “How could I forget my grandson’s first friend?”

Oh, Aubrey thought in dismay as she realized the situation. Prickles of goosebumps shot up her arms and back, as she caught herself looking back on the flood of cruel things that she had called Basil out of anger, out of sadness. She still felt those feelings deep within herself, and being honest… Aubrey didn’t want to give an explanation for them.

So, all she said was in a low, hushed voice—one that brooked no retorts in response. “Ah.. I don’t deserve to be called that, ma’am. Basil and I aren’t really on good terms anymore.”

It seemed to make Basil’s grandmother disappointed as she took it in. That made Aubrey feel all the worse as she focused, frowning as she continued to wipe away the stains of black marker on the photos. God. Aubrey was so sick of the constant disappointment that adults voiced at the way she turned out. They would comment on Aubrey’s clothes, on her hair, on her life, and on her friends with slightly muted voices, just loud enough for Aubrey to hear them clearly but quiet enough to mask it all behind the guise of politeness. They had all blamed her for who she was and not for her circumstances, and Aubrey detested that.

She was just a kid. She didn’t want Basil’s grandmother to hate her, too.

“Oh, my. Did you have a disagreement?” The old woman responded, looking down with seemingly a saddened expression.

It made Aubrey want to abandon everything she knew, everything she had trusted herself to do in the last few years. She wanted to do everything, anything to put a knowing smirk back on that woman’s face. Aubrey had never seen her cry, and didn’t want to now.

At least Aubrey knew she could trust her with the truth. Maybe then, Basil’s grandmother could give her some advice. “Something like that. He did something to our photo album, and I got angry. I lashed out at him, and to tell you the truth..”

As the words escaped her, Aubrey fell back into that horrible feeling she had felt this morning, as if something horrible was building up inside of her. It was shame, it was guilt, and she knew she had no reason to be guilty—Basil had done a bad thing, and Aubrey had to protect Mari’s memory from him. She needed to protect the girl she once was in the photos, or else she’d have no reminder that happiness was a possibility for herself. And yet…

“I- I haven’t been very… nice to Basil, Ma’am.” Her voice broke as she confessed, as she brought her knees up and closed them close to her chest. As she took a pause in her sentence to think, she felt hesitant, as the rest of it drew back into a mumble.

“No? Why not?” The grandmother responded back calmly, her voice unwavering and effortless. It’s as if she already knew Aubrey’s answer before Aubrey had. Aubrey knew. She just wasn’t sure how to say it.

“I guess.. I’m scared. And sad.” Aubrey sighed in response. A wave of emotion lapped crests over her body, not drowning her but as if it were a somber reminder that her head could dunk underwater at any point, at any mild inconvenience. It made sense to her in some ways. This situation was scary.

It was scary to lose Mari, even if she wouldn’t admit it to anyone else. It was scary to see Basil as someone completely different from the innocent, kind-eyed boy that loved flowers she once knew. It was scary to… be herself.

“And I hate being this way,” she said sorely, her eyes darkening as she explained it with a bitter taste in her mouth. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Most people aren’t so scared, or sad, or-or angry all the time like I am, and…”

“Do you wish they were?”

“I wish someone would understand.”

Basil’s grandmother hummed in understanding, intertwining her hands together on her lap comfortably. As she did so, she nodded, and slumped back a bit on the bench as if she were having a relaxed, pleasant conversation. “So does he,” she replied, startling Aubrey after those moments of contemplating silence. “Ever since that girl died, you’ve all had to grow up so much. You must miss her.”

Aubrey chuckled dryly, as she focused her attention back on the photos she was cleaning. She had made a little bit of progress, and the rubbing motion she did with her hands as she worked was a little soothing. She felt a little better bringing up Mari. As much as she had tried to talk about it, her friends didn’t seem ready after it happened, and as time passed by, Aubrey figured they would never be. “…Yeah. I do. Today would’ve been her birthday, actually.”

Basil’s Grandmother softly smiled in thought. “Maybe you should celebrate,” she suggested. “I’m sure your friends would like that, too.”

Maybe they would, the voice in the back of her head chimed in hopefully. She couldn’t be sure that any of them would want to…but what if they had visited Mari’s grave? What if Hero had left flowers at her tombstone, what if there was visible proof that her friends had cared? Remembered, even? A part of her felt foolish, but another part begged the question loud and clear in Aubrey’s mind: what if he’d loved Mari just as much as Aubrey had?

It was stupid. It was irrational. It was crazy, and Aubrey tried to stubbornly stomp out the thought in her mind just as quickly as it had been planted inside. She tried to convince herself that it went against every piece of proof she had connected together after years of thought. And yet, even when she had felt betrayed by Kel, that sprouted hope lingered and prodded the curious thoughts in her mind about him.

Maybe that idea was worth a shot, even if she swore she detested him after everything that had happened.

The fond words had escaped her lips before she could try and mask them. “I bet they would—(she giggled a soft, bubbly laugh at the idea)—he always liked parties.”

“Who?” Shoot. She noticed.

Aubrey was quick to respond with an embarrassed, hot blush that invaded her cheeks and dusted at her ears. “No one.” She denied, hating how much care she revealed in her words, begging for them silently to reveal nothing else than ice cold bitterness.

The old woman beside Aubrey seemed amused, a smirk tugging at the corners of her wrinkled lips. “You like a boy, then? Well, that’s nice. Was it the handsome one?”

Hero’s charming smile popped up in her mind (somewhat intrusively). Sure, she had thought he was cute when she was a kid, but she hadn’t seen him in years. The thought of ever crushing on him now felt…wrong, especially since she knew he was at his happiest with Mari.

“Uh, haha—“ she fumbled, searching for words at the awkward thought, “—n-no, ma’am.”

“Ah. The quiet one, then?”

Sunny. She didn’t want to see Sunny, not after the way he had vanished for the past few years without a single word. As kids… people would tease her, joke and ask if she had a crush on her friend but she always replied with a declarative no. If she ever saw him again, she couldn’t imagine forming a connection with him. The bitter disdain she felt for her past friend was too strong, and it clouded her judgement of him in a way she’d rather not fix. Just thinking of him made her heart sink a little.

“No.” Aubrey snapped. Immediately after, she felt a twinge of regret gnaw at her insides, but Basil’s Grandmother didn’t seem to pay much mind. Figures. She seemed to have been through a lot; Aubrey huffed, and figured that she could take a strong word or two.

“How about that sporty one?”

Aubrey blinked, suspended in slight disbelief. Flashes of his immature charm invaded her head in dozens of captured, perfect memories. When their knuckles brushed as children, and when her lips pressed against his cheek, she remembered the burst of joy she felt buzzing in her stomach. When, last night, they had talked and danced like nothing had come between them after the past 3 years, she remembered every bit of childish love that she had sworn herself to.

But those feelings… they were nothing compared to the hurt that she felt brewing inside of her now. It had seemed subtle at first, a conflicted tussle between her left and her right brain, but as Aubrey had thought over and over about the letters and last night, she had come to a sure conclusion.

Even if she liked him more than anything else, even if she fell asleep to the comforting thought of him beside her, even if Aubrey wanted something difficult if it was real…

“I don’t like him,” she forced out. It sounded like a lie. Maybe it was. She didn’t care.

“I-I don’t like him,” she repeated softer, half convinced and half guilty.

Hating Sunny was better than waiting endlessly and knocking on his door for months. Hating Basil was so much easier than being his friend. And hating Kel…she had so many reasons to do so, so many complicated anxieties that started with “what if he wrote the letters as a joke” and ended with “why did he leave me at the party yesterday, why did he look at me like they all do”. But Aubrey was so tired of the complexities. She needed a simple answer, and this was it.

Aubrey had been the one hurt, the one kicked down and left to die. She deserved to defend herself this time. She had the right.

Basil’s grandmother frowned, her head tilting in concern. She reached out to rest her hand on Aubrey’s shoulder, unknowingly trailing hasty goosebumps up the girl’s arm. “Are you sure? You always seemed close to each other,” she reasoned, her voice small.

“Not anymore, okay?” Aubrey frowned, before glancing back and trying a different approach. “Ah.. I mean, things changed. He wasn’t the person I thought he was, and I’m different now, too. With Mari gone… I can’t imagine anything going back to the way it was once.”

Basil’s Grandmother hummed in thought, before looking back at the young girl with a tinge of strong worry prevalent on her face. The more concerned the lady got, the more Aubrey wanted to scoot away, to be left alone. She had made her decision, and that was that.

“You might be surprised.” The old woman suggested. Her voice didn’t betray her, just as steady and comforting as it was before. This time, Aubrey didn’t want to find it either. She didn’t leave room for question, as she pushed the old woman’s hand off her shoulder with a small sigh.

“No, I won’t,” she responded back firmly. Then, softer, she continued. “I won’t let myself be hurt again. I promise.” As she talked, Aubrey fumbled with a strand of her blonde hair, combing her fingers through it and trying to recapture the soft, silky feeling it once had for some form of comfort. It didn’t work, and eventually she gave up, letting her eyes meet the old woman’s.

They were pretty. Light hazel—a mix of greens and blues that felt comforting and real. They were seafoam and turquoise gemstones and kindness incarnate, and although Aubrey had felt so conflicted, that understanding and love was enough for Aubrey to tear out of her depressed haze (if only just for a minute). She hesitantly rested her head on the woman’s side, and let the rest of the world melt away for a minute.

She let herself forget about Kel. She let herself forget about Basil. About Hero, about Sunny. Never about Mari, even if she had tried (and she had, oh, she had).

“I miss my mom,” she whispered, and no one could console her because it wasn’t a thought born of depression but of numb, content stillness. A realization at the eye of the storm.

I missed this, she whispered, and sat there in silence.

When the illusion broke, it wasn’t shattered into pieces but merely picked at with a chisel until the glass was thin enough as not to be soundproof. “It’s your choice, dear.” Basil’s grandmother said, “But you should know that you can still fix things, no matter how beyond repair they might look. Just look at your photos.”

Aubrey did as she was told, and realized that the faces of the friends she once had sported no trace of permanent marker anywhere on them. Her cotton ball had turned black where she had rubbed it, but otherwise, everything was back to the way it was. Aubrey smiled and rubbed them gingerly with her thumb, before placing them back into that pocket of her backpack. She didn’t say anything, but Aubrey felt a little better.

“Good as new. See? When you get all your emotions out of your system, you’ll feel much better.” The words rang in her mind as quickly as she heard them, and for the first time in a long while, Aubrey felt like she was healing (even just a little bit).

But, Aubrey reminded herself, I can’t talk about this with everyone. The hooligans wouldn’t get it and Kel—well, I don’t even know why I’d bring him up.

I’m done with him, with everything about him, she swore to herself.

“…Maybe.” She answered, unsure, and slowly got up and put on her backpack. “Thank you, ma’am. This was.. nice.”

Basil’s grandmother nodded appreciatively. “You’re welcome.”

Aubrey stepped back a little bit, and her breath was shaky as she thought before continuing on. This woman had shown her kindness, even when Aubrey had admitted to bullying Basil (in a way, at least). She deserved an apology, and so that was what Aubrey decided on as she looked away.

“And..um, I’m sorry.” Aubrey’s voice was weak. Her hands trembled. She didn’t know why. She didn’t want to know why.

“I think you should tell that to Basil, child.” The elder woman said firmly. Firmly, but not unforgiving, so why did Aubrey wish it was unforgiving? Were unforgiving words easier? Why was Aubrey desperately trying to shut up all the thoughts in her head that lead back to him, and only him, and irreversibly him?

“I can’t.” She choked out, her words rushed.

“Alright.” Basil’s grandmother replied, with no further questions or advice.

Aubrey felt just as ashamed as she felt righteous. Her voice was small and bitter as she spoke, her hands clenching the straps of her backpack closer. “Goodbye, Mrs. Crysanthe,” she murmured so quietly she was sure no one could have heard it.

“Have a good day, dear,” Basil’s grandmother replied, and their eyes didn’t meet this time.

Aubrey stepped back once more, slowly at first, as not to startle the old woman, and then started to walk away. She had to find Mari’s grave, she had to find peace. She had to think, to reflect.

But as she walked, she thought she heard something, and paused. Quietly, so quietly that you could barely make it out against the thrum of her heartbeat and the chirp of crickets and the jingle of windchimes, someone sang to Mari.

“Happy birthday to you,”

Aubrey felt the quiet pulse speed up, and beat harder, as goosebumps trailed up her arms. No, no, she didn’t want this, she didn’t want this, she knew his grandmother had good intentions but she couldn’t stop remembering everything all at once. She remembered the chatter and laughter of her and her friends—overlapping eachother but somehow, still all on the same page. They were always in stereo, always perfectly fitting into each other’s lives. Aubrey knew she’d never get that again, never with Mari, never with Kel. It made her heart hurt.

“Happy birthday to you,” the voice repeated, and Aubrey felt.

She had been getting ready for the rehearsal. Aubrey had gone dress shopping with Kel and Hero, and she had tried on flowy greens and vibrant, happy yellows so many times that Kel had to be told to be quiet by the manager of the store to stop his complaining. That had made Aubrey laugh to herself, and as she stepped out in her final, soft pink dress, she felt absolutely perfect. Hero had immediately twirled her, congratulating her on finding the perfect dress and asserting her feelings before she could even say a word. It was funny, though—Kel had finally clammed up, not saying a word as he eyed her with a newfound curiosity in his brown eyes. She savored that, pocketing the flattered feeling she had felt and promising to think about it later as she had smiled to him and Hero.

“Well?” She asked expectantly, her eyes shining with pride. “What do you think, Kel?”

“It’s…” he paused, blinking and turning away with a small, sheepish grin as he shrugged. “Pink’s gross, but it makes you look.. uh..”

“Look what? Cute?” She teased. “You think I look cute?”

“I never said that!” He huffed indignantly. They had continued to bicker about it for the ride home, but soon enough, Aubrey had found herself forgetting all about it. She had laughed with him about everything and nothing all at the same time, and when he had come out of his room in a button-down shirt…well, Aubrey didn’t think Kel looked as bad as he normally did. Mostly. They had played with the pet rock that Kel had bought, and when she had clutched his hand without thinking, he let her. Everything had been perfect.

But, then they had come to see if Mari was okay. And Mari—Mari had—

Aubrey felt a hand press to her back as she shook and hyperventilated, stuck in the same spot, desperate to run. The voice trying to soothe her was so distant that it felt like empty static against the flood of horrible memories she couldn’t stop herself from drowning in. Something louder rang against her ears, something overwhelming that sounded like a call, and the hand pressed harder, and…

Aubrey tore the hand off her back, slapping it away as her lips twisted into a snarl, her eyes wide, terrified and furious.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” She cried, her breath shallow. Aubrey couldn’t bare the thought of standing there anymore, as her legs itched to run and her eyes itched to sob. Her bottom lip wobbled, and she clenched her hands into fists as she gave in, running—no, sprinting—away until she couldn’t run anymore, until her legs felt like they would give out at any second. Finally, she collapsed into the grass, exhausted, panicked and starving.

Aubrey sat there for a long while, her eyes glossed over with tears as her breaths slowed down. She reveled in the peaceful silence she was surrounded in, like a comforting bubble of air that dumbed down the noise that had overtaken her mind only minutes ago. She felt safer here, and as she finally focused her vision to find out where “here” was, Aubrey realized why. She brushed off the gravestone in front of her groggily, tracing her fingernail along the grooves of the words she remembered much too well.

“The sun shined brighter when she was here,” the words quoted, and Aubrey agreed. It seemed that even when everything else was overwhelming, was too much, Aubrey felt like she could be vulnerable here. Her memories had haunted her, but in some ways, they were her only comfort. The soft grass that she had sprawled out on dizzily felt like a blanket, and as Aubrey closed her eyes and spaced out, she felt like she would fall asleep at any minute. The better part of her would probably have said, no, being awake is safer and saner, but that part had been silenced as of the moment, a dull lull of noise against the spiraling memories in her head.

Aubrey just laid there in silence for what felt like hours. Aubrey didn’t have a reason to talk or to think anymore—after every memory had been forced into her mind over and over, recounting every minute detail with pained accuracy, she had nothing else to do, it seemed.

Everything led back to that year. Everything led back to him, in some way or another. And when it did, when the universe had finally gotten what it wanted…well, then Kel would be gone again. Aubrey hated this—craving his presence, thinking he liked her, and then watching as everything was torn away from her fingers the minute she had clutched it. It had happened with the dance, the kiss, the letters and sooner or later, Aubrey realized it was always him.

God, why was it always him?

“Aubrey?”

And there he was again, right behind her. Just like always. She let it happen this time, not saying a word in response. She felt too tired, too weary. The only way she acknowledged it was with a slight nod of her head.

She tried not to let herself care anymore. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t get attached and she wouldn’t get hurt. She would be safe by his side, for as long as he resided there. When he would eventually leave…well, maybe she could protect herself before that happened this time.

“Out of all places… I probably should’ve expected you’d be here. You’ve always been a softie, heh heh..” the voice trailed off into a sheepish chuckle, but she didn’t find herself joining in. Memories of last night still tailed Aubrey, tracking her down and choking her and squeezing her hand all at the same time. She let them pass her by. Hating him, ignoring him… anything was better than liking him.

Kel walked closer, sitting beside her. She could feel the warmth radiating from him against her skin and could smell the soft scent of faint oranges and vanilla that always seemed to linger on him. It was… okay. A moment passed, and then his voice sounded again. “What’s wrong? Are you still mad at me?”

What’s wrong? That’s hilarious. What isn’t wrong? How could you think that anything’s right, right now?

Aubrey couldn’t answer like that, so she just shrugged instead. Even if she was mad at him, Aubrey was mad at so many other things that it was hard to pinpoint where it all came from. It had just been a buildup welling inside her ever since Mari’s death, she supposed. Sooner or later she’d be broken for good—she was just trying to buy time before it happened.

For a moment, Aubrey had gotten so lost in thought that she forgot Kel was right beside her, so she was startled when he finally spoke again. Aubrey stretched open her eyes hesitantly, gazing into Kel’s. “Well… that’s okay. You don’t have to know. I still don’t know about a lot of things right now…” Kel said, leaning closer.

Aubrey smirked quietly, tilting her head. Only right now? Her thoughts flickered loud and clear across her face. Kel noticed, his lips twisting into an annoyed frown. “Hey! It’s not like I’m clueless all the time, just—okay, you can stop giving me that look, Aubs.” Kel turned deadpan at the end, raising his eyebrows for emphasis as he elbowed her lightly.

Weirdly, Aubrey found herself shaking with fond laughter, doubling over with her hands on her stomach. It was a surprise to be doing so, but…it was nice. Her wide smile seemed to loosen something in Kel, though, because his eyes shined teasingly as he grinned back. “You’re mean, you know that? Heh—oh, oh wait… don’t cry,” his voice fell into a concerned, hushed whisper.

What? Why was she… Aubrey felt the tears running down her face, slowly at first, but soon blurring her vision entirely. Her cheeks flushed pink, as she looked away, embarrassed. Why did she have to start sobbing in front of him? What was it that set her off this time? Aubrey tried to hide her face with her hands, sniffling and gasping for air.

She just didn’t expect her breaking point to come so soon.

“Oh, you’re not actually mad at...” Kel remarked in thought, but Aubrey cut him off with a shake of her head. It wasn’t what he said (even if that part was true, in a way). It was something else.

Kel sighed. “Here, let me get that for you, Aubs.” He said softly, his calloused fingers meeting her cheeks. His thumbs brushed against the corners of her eyes, wiping away her tears, but it felt like kisses of faint sparks trailed wherever he touched. Aubrey sniffed, brewing with emotion. Her gasps slowed down as the pit in her stomach deepened.

“Listen, I know there’s been a lot going on.. but we don’t have to deal with it all today, okay? I actually had wanted to talk to you about something, but we can always save it for later. Let’s just take it one step at a time.” He said, his voice soft and calming. It was funny. Aubrey had never thought of Kel like that before, but it seemed like he changed, if only a little bit.

“We’ll be alright,” Kel finished, closing her into a hug. She didn’t know how to feel about it, in all honesty. Aubrey wanted to be angry. Aubrey wanted to be furious. Why wasn’t she able to be furious at him, after everything that had happened between them?

She was too exhausted to give herself an answer, giving into dizzying blackness as she closed her eyes once again. Her tears had dried against her cheek. She relaxed into Kel’s touch slowly. “Kel..” she breathed.

“What?”

“Why don’t I want you to leave?” She murmured softly into his ear. A light annoyance crept into her words. “You’re so confusing sometimes.”

Kel chuckled sheepishly in response, rubbing the back of his neck as he drew in a small breath. “You are too, Aubrey. I can never tell what you’re thinking.”

“…Sorry.”

“I like it, actually. Mostly. You’ve always just been like that.” He mumbled, pulling Aubrey closer and wrapping a strand of her blonde hair around his tanned finger. She felt the slight tug as he did so, but Aubrey didn’t find herself caring all that much as she buried her face a little deeper into his shoulders with a small, tired smile.

“Kel.. can you promise not to leave again?”

He whisper-yelled back, oblivious. “Huh?”

Aubrey scoffed—but not one out of mal-intent, necessarily. She knew this was the way he was, and for the first time in a long while, she didn’t really care too much. “I don’t like missing you,” she said, and her tired words were her sober thoughts.

Kel tilted his head. “You don’t have to miss me, though. I’m right here.”

Aubrey hummed in drowsy thought, feeling herself slip in and out of consciousness as she spoke. She responded back almost immediately. “…Good. Stay that way.”

Her voice was tired, hurt, and a little raspy, but it felt nice to finally get what she had wanted. Even if it wouldn’t last forever, Aubrey just wanted a taste of contentment for a few seconds in this state—she felt weak, but not scared. She would never have to be scared of Kel, she promised herself.

“Aubrey..” Kel tried to reason hesitantly. She didn’t care for reason at this point.

“Please,” she pleaded softly. She felt like a kid doing so—that childish, whiny edge to her voice was only really present when she forgot to conceal it.

The boy embracing her sighed and did as he was told. He stayed right there, still continuing to play with her hair, still continuing to be by Aubrey’s side for the first time in a long, long while. “…Okay. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

He swore, and she silently hoped he meant it. More than anything, more than her own thoughts would usually allow, Aubrey hoped he meant it.

She didn’t respond as she finally gave into the darkness, passing out in Kel’s arms. This time, she didn’t have a nightmare. This time, Aubrey felt a little more safe with someone by her side. She slept soundly—undisturbed by the loud chatter of a family, undisturbed by the unresting guilt that would continue to eat at her for years.

Just for a moment, Aubrey felt like a kid again.

And then she woke up.

Chapter Text

With a few slow blinks, Aubrey stretched her eyes open, and pulled herself up from her mattress. It was unusually soft and the pillows were strangely plush—she must’ve had a good sleep. She felt better than she had in months, but as she looked around, something clicked. The walls to her right were blue and decorated with a few medals, while the wall above her was adorned with posters and basketball stickers.

Am I in… Kel’s bed? She thought, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion with a frown. She could barely remember what had happened yesterday, her memory fogged with hunger. The only things she had to go off of were the facts that she remembered having a nightmare, talking with Basil’s Grandmother and then… nothing. If she really racked her brain, she could remember someone yelling, but why? Was it about Basil? About Mari?

“Ugh,” she groaned out loud, hissing with pain. God, her stomach hurt. She had no time to think about all this, she needed some food stat. But before Aubrey could get up from the bed, she heard the door creak open in front of her. Aubrey widened her eyes and glanced up, taken by surprise.

It was Hero.

He looked the same, except for longer hair and some eyebags that had brushed purples under his dark brown eyes. His brunette, unruly locks wisped like curtains, but he didn’t bother fixing them (not like he minded much as a kid, either). It seemed like he had just woken up, judging from his light lime-green shirt and his plaid forest green pajama pants—a difference from his usual, relaxed blues. As he met Aubrey’s eyes, he smiled, and waved casually.

“Hey, Aubrey. It’s good to see you again,” he welcomed, tilting his head. “Are you feeling any better?”

She felt a little awkward seeing Hero again, especially after everything had changed between her and Basil. Did anyone else know about what Basil had done? What Aubrey had been doing? She knew Hero would’ve cared, but she couldn’t find the courage to talk about it, instead opting to answer the question with one of her own. She smiled a bit, embarrassed. “Uh… hi, Hero. Why am I in your room?”

Hero chuckled, looking away (perhaps uncomfortably). “I’m not exactly sure. Kel told us that you had fainted next to Mari’s grave last night, but he wouldn’t give any more detail than that. Maybe you can talk about it with him.”

That rang a bell. Her and Kel… something had happened. It was on the tip of her tongue, but she just couldn’t get to it—on a ledge that she just couldn’t reach wedged squarely at the top of her mind. She tried to remember the feeling of it all, but all she could recall was feeling…emotional. Emotional and tired.

Emotional and tired were two dangerous states Aubrey didn’t want to be in around Kel. She knew he’d never hurt her, but… well, he had written her those love letters. What if something really had happened? What if she had slipped up and said something wrong, or worse, revealing about how she felt? When Aubrey had tried that at the party, it all ended in a hurricane of anger, confusion and hurt that she still needed to fully unpack. This was bad. Very bad. Aubrey knew she had to get some food in her system and talk to Kel before this was all over, but luckily, Hero’s train of thought followed her own.

“You look like you’re hungry,” he began. “Want to come downstairs and have some breakfast with us? We have a change of clothes ready for you if you need it, too.”

Aubrey immediately shook her head, scrunching her eyes closed. She didn’t want to get too comfortable in someone else’s house. “No thanks. I’ll have some breakfast, though.”

“Great. Well, follow me. Mom’s in the kitchen.” Hero left the room just as swiftly as he entered, leaving little room for conversation. It was uncharacteristic of him. Aubrey had always noticed that he was incredibly comfortable with conversation; his kind words could always cheer Aubrey up and bring a smile to her face. They hadn’t always been the closest, but Aubrey could sense that something about him had changed after Mari’s death. His smiles never reached his eyes, and just now, he had seemed less privy to how Aubrey was feeling. Less aware, if that made sense, as if he were somewhere else entirely.

Aubrey got up and ran after Hero, watching him linger at the top of the staircase briefly, looking out the window. Bright blue skies shined through the glass, but his face didn’t get any lighter as he gazed at Sunny’s backyard with a grimace. Hero, Aubrey’s thoughts almost formed into empathetic words. Don’t look there.

She padded closer from the side of him, about to ask if he was alright as her hand reached out and grazed his back. Before she could speak, though, Hero stiffened and hurried down the stairs without a look back. Aubrey didn’t want to look back either, too afraid of what she might see out there if she tried. Thus, the blonde just followed him into the kitchen, as weary goosebumps trailed up her arms. She stepped through the entrance.

“Hi, Aubrey! It’s so nice to see you again, dear,” Before Aubrey could say anything, Mrs. Desoto (Kel and Hero’s mom) wrapped her in a bear hug, squeezing her tight. The blonde girl didn’t know what to say, an awkward, intrusive feeling creeping up her spine. “How are you doing? You look so different! Are you getting enough to eat?”

The flood of questions overwhelmed Aubrey, so she gently pushed Mrs. Desoto off, feeling a sense of unease that she couldn’t quite explain the reason for. It was as if she was stepping in and invading this pleasant life they all had, ignoring how she had already done enough of that the night before.

“I’m okay… thanks for taking care of me and everything,” she fidgeted with her fingers, embarrassed.

“It’s no trouble! We had to make sure you were fine after we got news like that!” The mother scoffed out a laugh in a loud “hah”, that made Aubrey wince and yet relish the noise. It was kind of nice to be taken care of. “We have breakfast on the table for you, mija. Go ahead and eat up; I’m sure you’re starving.”

Aubrey widened her eyes as she turned to look at the table, feeling herself drooling already as she sat down and immediately began to dig in to the food on her plate with a quiet “thank you”. The flavors of syrup and fluffy pancakes sang in her mouth as soon as they entered, the sweetness of the meal only all the sweeter once she finally tasted it. She closed her eyes and savored every bite, feeling like a little kid again.

“This is great,” she exclaimed with a small smile as she opened up her eyes again to find Mrs. Desoto watching her with an amused fondness. She blushed, embarrassed, as she brushed a strand of hair out of her face. Shoot. Was it messy? As much as Aubrey pretended she didn’t care, she still ended up smoothing down her bed-head ridden locks self consciously.

“You’re too kind,” Mrs. Desoto brushed it off with a wave of her hand. “Tell me… how have you been, Aubrey? When we heard Kel found you near the graveyard, we were worried sick!” An edge of anxiety seeped into her voice at the end as Mrs. Desoto fretted.

Aubrey crossed her arms, letting the mother’s worry from her voice seep into her expression as she frowned slightly, glancing at Hero. She still was trying to rack her brain as to what could have happened with Kel—she was getting closer now, she knew it. She felt the memories of yesterday starting to surface in her mind, as the stabbing guilt began to plague her once again. She remembered yelling at Basil’s Grandmother and sprinting away, as a flood of negative emotions had overtaken her. The song for Mari was just too much; she couldn’t handle all of the memories about Mari, about Basil, Hero, Sunny and Kel. They were her childhood friends once, but even the thought of being close to any of them after last night left Aubrey bitter.

No one had left flowers on Mari’s grave. Not even Hero. Not even Kel. Everyone had said that Aubrey had changed drastically—what about all of them? If Kel had cared about Mari, about Aubrey, he would’ve shown it at every opportunity. He would’ve been there to hold her hand along the way, and yet, he wasn’t. Even if part of Aubrey swore that she and Kel had spoken somehow (despite everyone else’s claims that he had found her on the ground), she couldn’t imagine that ending in anything less than disaster. Aubrey swore she wouldn’t let her guard down, wouldn’t unlock her aim around him and she fully intended to keep that promise. She had to protect herself before things got any worse. Aubrey had to keep her eyes open.

“I’m fine,” she sighed. “I just had a rough day yesterday.”

“Well, we’ve all had those. Don’t worry! I’m sure you’ll feel better soon,” Mrs. Desoto assured her confidently. “Maybe Kel can give you some tips on that? He’s always been such a happy boy.”

Everyone wants me to talk to him, she frowned to herself. What about what I want?

“…Maybe another time,” Aubrey responded quickly, as she got up from the table and placed her dishes into the sink with a few metallic clinks. On instinct, her hands reached for the dish soap and the sponge. She immediately got to work, scrubbing at the grime on the plate until it was clean seconds later.

Kel and Hero’s mom gasped, grabbing Aubrey by the wrist. She flinched briefly, looking back. “Aubrey! There’s no need to do your dishes here; Hero would’ve done them for you. Right, mijo?”

Hero nodded. “It’s really no trouble. Kel and I have washed these plates a million times.”

“For me, it’s been a billion times!” Kel groaned as he walked into the kitchen. He stretched his arms, wrapping one hand around his elbow as he leaned back. “Every time I think we’re done, we have more.”

Noticing her, Kel smiled, and his eyes shined with enthusiasm. “Oh! Hey, Aubrey.”

Aubrey met his eyes, not saying a word as her hands balled into fists and her mouth parted slightly in shock. Now she needed to know what had happened last night. What had she said? What had she done? Why was Kel still speaking to her like they were friends? Were they?

She had to be safe, to stay quiet, to be cold and distant and furious with every move she made. It wasn’t her, but then again, when had Aubrey really been herself in the last few months? She had made friends as someone else. She had built her life back from the ground up as someone else. After she had been herself all of yesterday, it was only more apparent that Aubrey could only trust herself when she was someone else entirely. She didn’t have time for this—for the caring, for the ups and downs, for the fear that had swelled in her chest.

“I have to go,” Aubrey cut him off, her eyes dark. “Thank you,” she added to Mrs. Desoto, before tearing away her wrist.

Aubrey grabbed her backpack from out of their closet and stormed out of the kitchen, shutting the door behind her with a heavy sigh. Her sneakers squeaked against the fresh, dewed grass as she started to walk away, swinging the bag around her shoulders. However, Aubrey paused as a letter slipped out of the front pocket’s zipper. It sailed into the air and floated into the grass before Aubrey picked it up with a shaky hand.

She didn’t want to read it.

She didn’t want to care. Not when caring got her and everyone else around her hurt.

Aubrey crumpled the letter up into a ball angrily before she heard the quiet click of a door behind her. She whipped around, facing Kel with narrowed, bitter eyes. His face twisted with confusion (sadness?), as he gazed at Aubrey for a moment without words. She couldn’t bear this. Aubrey looked away with a scowl.

“Where are you going?” His voice was quiet.

“Leave me alone, Kel,” she snapped. Her voice was exasperated, dismissive, but she didn’t stop it from coming out the way it did.

He stepped closer, but it only made Aubrey step back. “I won’t,” he asserted, and the way he said it reminded Aubrey of a promise. She couldn’t trust his promises. She had to stay safe, to stay on guard. Vulnerability was a weakness, and Aubrey couldn’t afford to be weak anymore.

“Why not? You did it at the party.” She retorted. That clearly stung, as Kel winced, hissing in a breath.

“That’s not..” he started, but caught himself. “Aubrey.. I wanted to talk to you about this yesterday, but—he sighed as if he were confounded, which seemed stupid to her—you seem so angry lately.. at me, and at Basil, too. I don’t get it. One minute we seem like we’re all on good terms, and the next I hear you’re bullying him. What’s up with you?”

“Oh, you’re one to talk!” She mocked him, her voice raising in volume into a harsh bout of sharp tongue. Aubrey didn’t care if this was rude or immature. She had a right to be rude, to protect herself for once.

“What?”

“You’re unbelievable.” Her voice drew low and quiet as she clenched the wad of paper in her palm. “How could you write those letters—no, especially those last letters—and expect me to believe them when you listen to the first rumor you hear about me?”

His eyes knotted with hurt, but crackled with a genuine anger, his face hot and his scowl unsteady, desperate. “What, so you don’t believe me? I meant what I said. You know that!”

Aubrey huffed, crossing her arms. “I did,” she remarked, her voice cold before she tilted her head to look at him, her expression blunt and unforgiving as she called back the words of his friends with a dry, bitter chuckle. “But then again, it’s not like you’re into depressed freaks, right?”

“Aubrey, they didn’t mean that…” He started, but her thoughts were steps ahead of him already.

Didn’t he care how much he had hurt her by leaving her all those years? Didn’t he realize that Aubrey had to be vicious to protect herself from him? Love letters wouldn’t fix that. Time wouldn’t fix that.

Her throat stung as she held back furious tears, but she was relentless. She didn’t care how the blurred memories of his promise to her were starting to come back, she didn’t care how Kel looked weak and wounded with every other verbal hit he took. She didn’t care about what he had to say—he had no right to speak at all, not when Aubrey had finally figured out that if she was never going to be given a voice, she would have to scream and lash out in order to be heard.

She was stupid to let down her guard around Kel yesterday. She could connect the dots, and she knew she had made a mistake. It was terrifying to be left, over and over. Kel would never understand that, not like she did.

Aubrey scoffed. The loathing and the fear in her voice was prominent, but she needed to make herself clear. The tears pricking at her eyes, the anxious, desperate chorus of no’s in her mind were useless. Did they make her stronger? More capable of survival?

“Oh, sure they did and so did you. You can say you didn’t mean to let your friends say those things, that you didn’t mean to forget about me, about Mari! But, I know the truth.”

She paused, and wrenched in the dagger. A few tears rolled down her face, as her voice broke. “You’d do anything to keep living in your perfect little bubble, Kel.”

Kel’s face hardened into something furious, as his breathing quickened and his jaw clenched. His voice tore into a hurt, angry yell; like a fire Aubrey couldn’t even think of putting out. It crackled and burned at her skin, leaving her scarred and wounded in ways she never imagined. “You think I forgot about Mari?! I cared about her, too. I care about all of you, too!” He cried.

His breath slowed, as he spoke quieter this time. Regretfully. “Aubrey… things have been just hard for me as for everyone. It’s not like you’re the only one who misses her.”

Aubrey didn’t believe him. She couldn’t listen to him, as her lip wobbled, trying to curl into a snarl. Her ignorance wasn’t bliss, it was cold, frozen solid fury and hurt. She hated him. She hated him. Aubrey hated him for leaving her behind, she hated him for standing by, she hated him for being right when she couldn’t turn back now.

Aubrey would never trust him, because she wouldn’t trust anyone. Aubrey would never love him, because she wouldn’t love anyone. Aubrey would never close her eyes, if it meant sleeping next to him.

His soft voice barely registered at all. It sounded like he was on the verge of tears. “I never meant to hurt you, but..”

Where had Mari and Hero ended up? Where had her parents ended up? She had to engrain this lesson into her mind, because if she let herself trip up once, she would collapse into that little girl she was all those years ago.

“But you did. Kel, I don’t—I don’t like you.” Tears rolled down her cheeks even faster. Her brain, her memories and her heart all begged her not to say it, but she couldn’t stop. The words were a waterfall rushing out of her mouth, crashing to the ground as soon as she said them.

“What?” His voice was breathy, stunned. Aubrey didn’t look at his face, as the words were forced out of her lips. She saw drops of water fall onto the pavement, and she knew what they were.

“I don’t like you because you’re selfish and impulsive and immature. If you had really meant what you said in those letters, you… you would’ve come back for me sooner.” She spat, her voice shaking, her palms shaking, her heart racing.

Aubrey hated him.

She hated him.

No, no, you don’t, Aubrey, you don’t, the voice in her head said. Whose voice was that? Mari? What would Mari know about this?

“You wanna know something? Basil isn’t so innocent…and you’re not either, Kel. So don’t talk to me about being a bully.”

“Aubrey, why would you say that?” Kel asked, and Aubrey couldn’t give him an answer because she didn’t know either.

“Just leave me alone, already. You could never understand.” She hissed out her words quietly, sniffed, and then walked home.

The walk was silent. Aubrey’s thoughts were silent.

When she got home, she ripped up the love letter she was holding in half, and put it in a box along with all the other ones. She promised herself that she would never look at them ever again.

That night, Aubrey took out a box of old hair dye, dyed her hair pink, and asked if Kim would take her to buy new contacts the next week. She didn’t want to look like the same person anymore.

She had been the archer, she had been the prey.

But most importantly…

Aubrey had kept her eyes open.