Archive of Our Own ^beta

Catherine wouldn’t usually be desperate for a stick of jerky. But a dog wouldn’t usually steal her patrol snack. She’s running as fast as she can, her armor causing a racket with every step.

“Give that back, you mongrel! That’s mine!”

The dog bounds through a hedge. She does the same, leaving a Catherine-shaped hole in her wake. She makes it through just in time to see its fluffy tail disappear in another hedge. If she’s not quick she’ll lose the furry thief!

She pushes herself to run even faster.

“I’ll make you regret the day you were born!”

***

Constance and Hapi sit in the shade of a gazebo in the monastery gardens. They’ve only recently been allowed to leave Abyss. The gazebos are convenient because the shade allows Constance to retain the confident part of her personality.

A small woven basket sits between them. It was once filled with cream-filled pastries, now only crumbs remain. The final pastry is gripped between Constance’s slender fingers as she maneuvers it toward Hapi’s mouth.

The redhead happily chomps down. Constance’s lips pull into a smile as she watches her eat without any regard for decorum. The lower half of her face is already covered in crumbs and splotches of cream, as is the floor of the gazebo. Conveniently for them, the birds will clean that up. A few are already in the process of doing so.

“My dear Hapi, there is something on your face. Allow me to rectify the situation.”

Constance leans in and licks the cream off Hapi’s cheek. They’ve been spending a lot of time together since they were allowed aboveground. Recently, Constance is starting to think that she’d loathe to be apart from Hapi at all. She brings her lips ever closer to Hapi’s and is delighted when Hapi closes the tiny gap that remains-

“I’ll flay you! Goddess damn it that’s my lunch!”

A heavily armored figure launches through the hedge. She nearly smacks into the gazebo and comes to a stop, scaring away all the birds in the process. Her blonde hair is littered with leaves and twigs.

“Crap! Wrong turn! I’m gonna get you!” She shakes her fist in the air as she bounds off in another direction.

Even with the knight out of sight, they can hear her cursing and shouting.

Constance is shaking. “The nerve! How dare she ruin our precious moment! It is utterly unforgivable! I will make her rue the day she crossed paths with us!”

“It’s always the knights causing trouble. Can’t say I’m surprised.”

“Such boorish behavior shall not be tolerated! She must be taught a lesson.”

“If you say so, Coco.”

***

Constance looks down at the sleeping knight. The time to enact revenge has come. Her fingertips tingle with magic. Soon, the boor will get what is coming to her!  

The lock was easy enough to bypass with a spell. They’ll be out of here well before the charred hole that remains raises any alarms. It’s a good thing she devised an air freshener spell some months back.

Hapi stands next to her, for moral support. Not that a mage of Constance’s caliber needs it, but she is a benevolent individual who does not require shattering the dreams of others to feel better about herself.

Unlike the uncouth woman before her.

She raises her hands and breathes deeply. Her eyes close in concentration as she recites the spell. It’s still experimental, and she stumbles a little as she recites the words. A natural part of a spellcrafter’s process, and an inconsequential one.

She opens her eyes and steps back.

“How odd. The change should have occurred already.”

“Maybe the magic’s just slow today.”

They wait.

Nothing.

“This is most vexing! Why did it not work? Surely, my spellwork was immaculate.” She bends down to examine Catherine’s neck. “Could she be wearing a protective amulet?”

“Careful, Coco. You don’t want to wake her.”

Blue eyes fly open, staring right at Constance. She can see her life flash before her eyes.

Hapi grabs her arm and tugs her away.

Catherine pushes herself up to a half-sitting position, but her movements are clumsy. Her mouth opens and her tongue lolls out.

“Arf?”

Constance shoots Hapi a glance. “That is not how she usually speaks, is it?”

Catherine sniffs at the air before she attempts to do… something. She instead ends up sliding off her bed. A startled yip escapes her, and when she gets up she walks on all fours. Constance and Hapi are lucky she's wearing nightclothes - a shirt and loose pants.

“I’d say that’s a no. Better run. Don't want to get banished to Abyss again.”

***

When Catherine wakes, her mattress feels way too hard. Her surroundings are also much smellier than they ought to. Did she get hammered and pass out in a back alley somewhere?

She groans and opens her eyes. The sight that greets her has her convinced she’s still dreaming. Paws. Speaking of, her face feels kinda weird too. She cranes her neck and confirms the existence of canine hind legs and a bushy tail.

Oh. She gets it now. She’s dreaming about the jerky incident from the dog’s point of view! Telling Shamir about it is going to be a riot. For now, she’ll just enjoy the dog experience. She gets up and takes some tentative steps. Walking on all fours is easy with legs made for the purpose. She barks and breaks into a run. So fast! This is fun.

“Catherine, wait!”

A familiar voice pierces the air. Shamir. What’s she shouting for? It’s a rare occurrence. Her breath catches in her canine throat when the reason comes into view.

Herself. Or rather, her body, wearing only nightclothes. Her tongue is lolling out and she’s panting and running on all fours. Catherine cringes inwardly when her body stops to sniff a monastery dog’s butt. Thankfully, the animal is too weirded out to let her.

Correction. This isn’t a dream. It’s a nightmare.

***

Shamir curses under her breath. Despite her years as a mercenary and working for the knights, her stamina still can’t match Catherine’s. She’ll admit that she’s occasionally made the comparison between Catherine and a dog, given her extreme loyalty and near-boundless enthusiasm. Reality is nothing like that, it turns out.

“Catherine!” she repeats. No reaction whatsoever. What attracts the monastery dogs’ attention? As a cat person, she’s clueless. “I’ll pet you? How about a bone? I’ve got a bone for you to chew on! Get back here!”

No dice. She was supposed to keep Catherine secure in her room until Hanneman or Manuela could make time to look at her. Turns out she severely underestimated the capabilities of dog-brained Catherine. For crying out loud, she even used her crest!

She strings together another sequence of Dagdan curses. With her luck, her partner might just disappear into the woods to hunt rabbits and never be seen again.

***

“Whatever shall we do? Because of my ill-considered actions, our fate hangs in the balance! You should not keep such a wretch as I by your side. I am only capable of bringing misfortune…”

“Relax, Coco. We'll find a way.”

Hapi squeezes Constance’s hand. It always pains her to see Constance’s self-derisive side come out. Reassurance isn’t her strong suit, but she wants to help to the extent she’s able.

“How? In my endeavors to render her a harmless toad for a matter of hours, I instead transported a knight’s consciousness into a dog’s body! Because of my carelessness, the spell was an utter failure! I will no doubt be punished, cast down to the depths with no hope of ever restoring my house’s reputation! No! I shall be looked upon as a cautionary tale, an example of how to not weave magic!”

“They won’t do that. Probably.” Hapi pats Constance’s hair. It seems to calm her.

“Who’s to say she even knows it was you? For all we know it was the dog who laid eyes on you. The arf’s a strong indicator if you ask me.” She places her hands on Constance’s shoulders and steers her in the direction of a darker part of the monastery. Trying to scout out in the sun was a mistake.

***

“Swapping her consciousness with that of a dog?” Hanneman strokes his chin in thought. “That is a most unusual kind of magic. I’m afraid it’ll take some searching to come up with a counterspell. Minds are delicate. Approaching this the wrong way could have serious consequences.”

Shamir sighs. “I understand.” She’s given up the hunt for Catherine, passing the baton to Alois and the knights under his command. Hanneman has reached his conclusion based on the information she’s relayed to him.

“Wait.” Manuela is the one who speaks up. “Doesn’t that mean there’s a dog somewhere on the monastery grounds who is walking around with Catherine’s consciousness?”

Shamir stiffens. Manuela is probably right. Even if she can’t catch Catherine’s body, she might be able to track down the dog that currently houses her mind.

“I’ll secure her.”

Manuela nods. “I think that’s for the best.”

***

Dog life has some perks, it turns out. Catherine is currently on her back in the market square, getting her belly scratched by passing strangers. Her tail hits the cobblestone with rapid thumps, wagging at top speed. The rush is a highly effective distraction from her current predicament. It’s not unlike being drunk.

Add to that to the symphony of scents mingling in her nose, and life’s pretty good. Sausage, chicken, rabbit, beef… her mouth waters as she picks up the flavors. When there’s a lull in the petting, she decides to pad over to a sausage stall and beg for scraps instead.

The sharp clack of heels on stone makes her turn her head. The sound is accompanied by the familiar smell of her battle partner – it’s oh-so strong in her nose. She bounds over to Shamir and barks, jumping up at her.

Her partner grimaces. Right. She isn’t fond of dogs or excess physical affection. Granted, she tends to label any physical affection as excessive. She sits back on her hind legs and whines. This is where her plan falls apart. How is she supposed to convey that it’s her in here, and not a regular monastery dog?

To her surprise, Shamir squats and looks deeply into her eyes.

“Catherine, is that you?”

Catherine barks.

Shamir groans and pinches the bridge of her nose. “How would I know? All dogs bark when they’re excited.” She draws a deep breath and places her hands on her knees. “All right. One bark for yes, two barks for no. Understand?”

Bark!

“You’re just a monastery dog.”

Bark, bark!

“Good enough for me.” Shamir’s gaze flicks around before she scoops Catherine up. “We can confirm the rest someplace people won’t think I’ve lost it.” She grunts with exertion. “You couldn’t choose to be a lighter dog?”

Bark! Bark! Whine.

“No, of course not. You wouldn’t do this on purpose.”

Catherine nestles against Shamir’s chest. Her smell is overpowering, and oh so comforting. Then it hits her. What if this isn’t a dream? What if it’s reality? She doesn’t usually smell in her dreams, does she?

Whiiiine!

“What’s gotten into you? Did I get the wrong dog after all?”

Bark! Bark!

Catherine nudges her head against Shamir. Why does being a dog make it so goddess-damn hard to communicate? It isn’t fair!

“Relax. I’ll take you to Hanneman and Manuela. Alois and his charges are currently trying to capture your body. You’re putting up a hefty resistance.”

The news about her body is anything but reassuring, so she tries to put it out of her mind. Unsuccessfully. The image of her body sniffing butts springs to mind. She winces. Don’t think about it! She cranes her neck to look up at Shamir instead. Her violet eyes glitter with sunlight. She never realized there were so many nuances to her scent. It’s like her whole life story is contained in it.

Shamir grunts as she heaves Catherine up the stone steps to the second floor. “You know, if you’re Catherine I could just have you follow me.” She sets Catherine down and rubs her forehead. “I must be out of it to not have thought of that sooner.”

Catherine barks once and sticks to Shamir’s side.

***

It still takes a while until Catherine’s body arrives. Hanneman and Manuela present their theories during the wait, and Shamir gives Catherine head scratches whenever she grows restless.  

When her body arrives, it’s tied up and being carried by several knights. It writhes against the bonds but calms down when given a sausage. A knight walks beside her, carrying a basket full of them.

Alois enters the room behind them. He walks up front and clears his throat. “It took us some time, but we eventually managed to capture her using old-fashioned methods.”

Shamir strokes Catherine’s head. “I’ve located Catherine.”

Bark!

“I told her to bark once for yes and twice for no. You can stop doing that now, Catherine.”

Hanneman stands, flipping open a tome. “Then, let us begin.”

“That would be good,” Alois agrees. “We already ran out of sausages once. Wasn’t a pretty sight. She chows them down like it’s nothing!”

Catherine growls. She’s right here!

“Sorry, Catherine.” Alois shoots her an apologetic smile. “Who’d have guessed that having a dog living in your body could be so ruff?”

Complete silence follows.

Hanneman loudly taps the bottom of his tome. “We should begin. Manuela, are you ready?”

The former songstress nods, her own tome in hand. The two mages begin to chant, and an eerie glow fills the room. Catherine feels woozy. At some point she’s no longer able to keep her eyes open.

***

“Can you go higher, Coco? I can barely make out anything.”

Constance grunts as she strains to rise to her tiptoes. It’s far from an easy feat with Hapi on her shoulders. But this is the best spot to spy on what’s happening on the second floor without fear of detection.

“They sure are putting on a light show in there. I can see the back of Hanneman’s head, I think.”

“It is highly benevolent of you to assume that their efforts could ever make up for my wrongdoing.”

“Lights… lights… no more lights. Hanneman is stepping away. A dog is trying to lick his face. Looks like it’s been safely returned.”

“What of the knight I subjected to woefully undignified treatment? Even if she wronged us, my reaction was far out of proportion. I am but a weak-willed wretch, undeserving of the storied name of House Nuvelle…”

“We’ll find out soon enough. She’s hardly a quiet one. You can let me down now.”

Once Hapi gets off Constance’s shoulders, she takes her hand and gives it a light tug. “That was exhausting. Let’s grab some buns.”

***

Constance dabs a spot of cream off Hapi’s cheek. In the shade of the gazebo, she’s back to being the confident version of herself.

“My dear Hapi, there is yet more on your face. Allow me to rectify the situation.”

Constance leans in to lick the remaining cream off Hapi’s cheek. She brings her lips ever closer to Hapi’s and is delighted when Hapi closes the tiny gap that remains-

“Damned mongrel! That spiced sausage is my lunch!”

A heavily armored figure launches through the hedge. She disappears through another one just as quickly, a trail of curses audible in her wake.

Constance raises a shaking fist. “The nerve! I must teach her a lesson!”

Hapi grabs Constance’s hands and pulls her close.

“Let’s just kiss. It’s way less trouble.”