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On a small porch, Tobin sat with legs folded, a steaming cup of coffee warming her hands as the world slowly woke up.
Tobin watched the birds on the tree.Envious of their happy care free mood. They had agreed to keep their relationship casual, a secret shared between the sheets and the occasional breakfast. But as she sipped her coffee, the ache in her chest grew stronger.
She knew the rules—no strings, no love, no expectations,no future. Yet here she was, feeling all of it, and more.
"You're up early," Christen murmured as she emerged her voice a gentle caress against the early morning quiet. Her dark hair was a tangled mess from a night spent in passionate embrace, and the corners of her eyes crinkled with a smile as she walked over to Tobin.
"Couldn't sleep." The words slipped from Tobin's lips, her gaze never leaving Christen's.
Christen nodded, her eyes flickering with understanding. "Adrenaline from a hat trick will do that to you." She took a seat beside her, their thighs brushing against each other.
"You were amazing Tobin." Christen said. Tobin could feel the electricity. She tried her best to ignore it and follow the rules but God was it an uphill battle when Christen was praising her. May be she had a praise kink.
Christen looked at her, brow raised. “You okay?”
Tobin took a deep breath. “Can we talk?”
Christen’s expression shifted, the easy smile faltering. “Talk?
Tobin saw the shift in Christen from relaxed to tense but she knew she need to do this. "Yes. Talk. About us."
"Tobin, I thought we agreed on… on our rules.”
Tobin’s heart twisted at Christen’s hesitation. She knew this was risky, but she couldn’t keep pretending that what they had was enough. “I know. We did. But… something’s changed for me, Chris.”
Christen looked away, her fingers fiddling with her cup. “Tobin…”
“No, let me finish.” Tobin shifted closer, her voice a little rougher than usual. “I know the rules. No love, no future. I know them.But… I can’t keep doing that. Not anymore.”
Christen looked up, eyes wide. “Tobin, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying…” Tobin reached out, her fingers brushing against Christen’s. “Fuck, all our rules. Christen, fuck them all. All I want is you. In every way possible. Be mine. Please.”
Christen froze, her gaze locked on Tobin’s. For a moment, the only sound was their breathing, both of them caught in the weight of Tobin’s confession.
“Tobin, I… I can’t,” Christen whispered, pulling her hand back. “You know how complicated this could get.”
Tobin took a deep breath, her hand sliding up Christen's thigh. "I know," she said, her voice cracking. "But I want more. I need more."
Christen's gaze fell to where their bodies touched, and she swallowed hard. "What if it doesn't work?"
Tobin's hand stilled on Christen's leg. "What if it does?" she countered.
Christen's eyes searched hers, a silent battle raging within her. The fear of change warring with the comfort of the familiar. But in those green pools, she saw something she hadn't before—hope. A hope that maybe, just maybe, they could navigate this uncharted territory together.
"We can't," Christen whispered, her voice barely audible over the distant crowd. "You know it won't last."
Tobin's hand tightened on Christen's thigh, her frustration simmering. "How do you know that?" she demanded, her eyes flashing. "We've never even given it a chance!"
Christen looked down, her fingers tracing the edge of her glass. “I don’t want to hurt you, Tobin. And I don’t want to lose you.”
“You’re already hurting me, Chris,” Tobin said, the pain clear in her voice. “Because every time you make me leave after sex, I feel like I’m walking away from something that could be… real.”
Christen was quiet, her lips pressed together as she processed Tobin’s words.
“I’m not them, Christen,” Tobin said firmly, the conviction in her voice impossible to ignore. She need she had to bring up the unspoken topic if she was going to have a chance at something real with Christen. “I’m not going to hurt you, and I’m not going to walk away just because things get tough. I am different. We’re different. What we have is different.”
Christen hesitated, and Tobin could see the flash of uncertainty in her eyes, a mix of yearning and fear. “You can’t promise that, Tobin. No one can. You think you’re ready for this, but maybe it’s only because you haven’t… you haven’t seen how bad it can get.”
Tobin leaned in, her gaze unwavering. “I don’t need to see how bad it can get to know that you’re worth it. God, Christen, I’d rather try and fail with you than succeed at being just your ‘sometimes’ or your ‘maybe.’”
Christen’s expression flickered, a crack appearing in her steely resolve. “Why, Tobin? Why is this so important to you?”
“Because I’m in love with you, Christen,” Tobin said, her voice barely above a whisper, but it held the weight of months of buried feelings. “And every time I have to pretend that I’m okay with just being… casual, it kills me a little bit. I can’t keep lying to myself, or to you. Not anymore.”
Christen looked at her, her voice shaky. “What if you realize I’m too much? Or… not enough?”
“Christen, look at me.” Tobin’s voice was gentle but firm. “You are everything I want. Just as you are. Flaws, fears, scars, all of it. I’m not asking you to change or be perfect. I’m asking you to let me in.”
Christen took a deep breath, her gaze locked with Tobin’s. “I’m terrified, Tobin. Every part of me is screaming that this is too risky, that I’m going to end up hurt again.”
Tobin leaned in, her forehead resting gently against Christen’s. “Then scream, yell, fight, but don’t push me away. Not now. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
For a long moment, they stayed like that, their breaths mingling in the quiet of the room. Finally, Christen’s hand found its way to Tobin’s cheek, her fingers brushing gently across her skin.
“Tobin…” Christen’s voice was barely a whisper, but Tobin could hear the shift, the hint of surrender she’d been waiting for. “I’ll try. I don’t know how to be unafraid, but… I’ll try.”
A relieved smile broke across Tobin’s face as she reached for Christen’s hand, threading their fingers together. “That’s all I need, Chris. Just try with me.”
Christen nodded, a soft smile tugging at her lips. “Okay. Just… be patient with me.”
Tobin’s smile widened, and she squeezed Christen’s hand gently. “I’ve waited this long. I can wait as long as you need.”