Work Text:
Despite his best efforts to push it away, Wylan did feel just a bit out of place at the winter formal.
It wasn’t a big deal, really, because it still turned out perfect, exactly like he and his best friends had planned it out, and they all agreed to ditch it early in favor of microwaving midnight snacks at Nina’s place, too. The thing is, well, just like the prom he dreaded and eventually avoided back in high school, winter formal was very much a couple’s thing.
And while it was painfully obvious that Nina and Matthias were in a relationship and hiding it - seriously, who were they kidding? - Kaz and Inej also got together just a month before, and then, well, then it was obvious that he and Jesper were meant to be each other’s dates.
Totally platonically, obviously. Nothing romantic, there.
He didn’t think there was, anyway, emphasis on think , because despite Wylan’s best efforts, he also got severely flustered as soon as Jesper brought up the idea of them going together. As friends, like friends do.
Okay, maybe Wylan gets flustered around Jesper a lot. Maybe all the time.
Maybe Wylan’s been flustered around him ever since they became friends through each other’s friends, and maybe he’s flustered around him just by the other man winking at him, or telling a joke, or waving at him, or just… looking at him.
Okay, maybe he has a lot of feelings about Jesper Fahey that he’s never said out loud, because, well, that would make them real. A little too real. And Wylan likes Jesper, he likes him a lot , and he really, really doesn’t want to ruin a good friendship he can have, no matter how much it’s currently killing him at the same time.
Sometimes, he entertains the idea that Jesper might feel some of the same things for him - romantic things, that is, couple-y, cheesy, relationship things - but then again, Wylan can’t entertain for too long at all.
They’re friends, they’re best friends now, and the fact of the matter is that Wylan is also pretty sure that confessing to certain feelings stirring up in his gut would just absolutely ruin everything. It’s too big of a risk to take, he thinks.
Too big, because honestly, he’d rather have this friendship than not have Jesper at all. There is something about Jesper Fahey and the way he looks at him, and suddenly, the rest of the world just disappears. Something about the way Jesper includes him in everything and his every thought, the way he always calls Wylan first before any of their friends, but he’s probably just being ridiculous, reading too much into it. That must be it.
There’s something about the way Jesper smiles at him that makes Wylan tongue-tied, something about how his friend asks for his opinion on things, no matter how big or small they may be, something about it makes his heart all mushy, his legs like jelly, and Wylan hates it and loves it at the same time.
It’s so overwhelming. It feels fantastic. He doesn’t even know if Jesper knows he’s doing it, but he can’t stop thinking about it, either way.
But Wylan’s had these feelings for so long, so it’s fine. He’s been hiding them for so long, that is, so it really shouldn’t have been a big deal to go to the winter formal with Jesper, officially as dates, because they’re friends - he’d enjoy being in his presence regardless, anyway, always. And Nina definitely looked at him suspiciously as he constantly fixed his suit and laughed at every one of Jesper’s jokes, which he always does, but drinking champagne makes him a little more nervous than usual.
He just hoped he didn’t blush too hard, or fell over his own feet, because that would definitely be embarrassing, definitely would make him want to change his identity and leave town just to avoid the pain of being that awkward.
Even worse, rejection. Even worse, Jesper hating him. That was the worst thing he’d ever imagined, he couldn’t bear it.
But winter formal didn’t exactly turn out how he thought it would - not in a negative way, but rather in a… surprising turn of events. Surprising, because even though Jesper had said they would be each other’s dates, Wylan didn’t exactly expect Jesper, his best friend, to walk up to the photographer and each and every food vendor and claim that they were, in fact, a couple.
Either it was that, or it was Jesper’s parents, who hugged him extra tightly after they had gotten ready together, his mother who seemed over the moon, his father who muttered an, “About time, ” leaving Wylan with absolutely no idea what to do.
Not that he was complaining, or anything. Obviously. He kind of fucking loved it, even it confused the fuck out of him, because Jesper kissed his cheek for a photo, too, and Wylan genuinely thought he was going to faint on the spot, or maybe just straight up die.
Still, he tried, the rest of the night, to figure out what the hell was going on. He tried, or, maybe he just enjoyed slow dancing with Jesper Fahey and tried not to question it, because the morning after, when the two of them made their way from Nina’s apartment and decided to stop for breakfast and coffee, Jesper leaned over the table, winked, took his hand, and pointed out the couple’s discount decorating the top of the menu.
Wylan was definitely blushing again. And Jesper smiled at him again, like he always did, bright like the rays of sunshine outside and like liquid gold, so he really couldn’t tell if his best friend noticed his nervous demeanor or not.
“Our time to shine, baby,” Jesper told him before he ordered, and Wylan was losing his mind.
“Jes,” he asked, “Why did you say we’re a couple?”
“For the discount, silly,” his best friend replied, and Wylan laughed awkwardly despite himself, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks even more, feeling the warmth pool in his gut and having no idea what to do with his hands.
“I mean, last night?”
“Oh,” Jesper said, sounding equally surprised, opening and closing his mouth a few times before he decided on a response, “Just, you know. My parents kind of just assumed we were together when I told them. And they were so excited. Sorry.”
His smile turned sheepish, and Wylan could all the more feel his knees get weak again.
“Right, of course,” he couldn’t help but smile in return.
“And the couple activities at formal-” Jesper continued, but stopped himself, it seemed, changing tracks, “Sorry, I should’ve asked you. I just thought it would be fun to get the couple’s perks, is all. And I mean, we’d be a hot couple, don’t you think?”
Wylan thought he might just have a heart attack.
“Yes!” he replied, tried to backtrack, because, fuck, that sounded entirely too eager, didn’t it? “I mean, uh, yeah. Sure. Yeah, I mean. Maybe.”
It was a trainwreck of an answer, he knew it, but he stumbled over it so many times he was about to give up, until Jesper, beautiful Jesper, simply smiled at him again, grin so wide Wylan could get lost in his dimples and the way his eyes crinkled around the corners, and he winked at him again, like it was the easiest thing in the world, and like Wylan wasn’t a nervous wreck in front of him.
So, yes, absolutely, Wylan was a lost cause. So hopeless.
But he’d been living with his feelings for this long, so, surely, this wouldn’t change anything. Just a day, and it was just for a discount, it meant nothing. Nothing at all. He told himself that, that it was fine, so he could stop his heart from pounding in his chest, except, well, it turned out to be a quite bigger deal than winter formal.
It was a bigger deal than that, because over Christmas, the six of them spent all of winter break together, and soon enough, Wylan and Jesper were practically flooded with questions.
Questions about how long they’d been dating and kept it a secret, that is.
And Wylan was about to shrug it off, but his best friend, in an even more shocking turn of events, he put his arm around him and smiled again and tugged a lock of Wylan’s hair behind his ear before he told them everything about before winter formal - everything that happened, and everything that didn’t. Mostly about getting ready together, which definitely did happen, and his parents, but also about Jesper asking Wylan out for the formal, which kind of happened, too, just not really like that .
But Wylan maybe, possibly didn’t care to question it that day. Maybe, possibly, he took advantage of it and held Jesper’s hand without saying anything, tried to appear like his heart wasn’t racing, and so they spent Christmas together, like they always did, ever since Wylan was kicked out by his father and his best friend’s parents took him in without blinking.
It just felt so easy. It felt like it was supposed- meant to be, even. And maybe, possibly, they enjoyed all of those couple’s discounts, too, and Wylan laughed with Jesper about until he couldn’t breathe, and it was fine.
He could get used to it, he thought. It wasn’t real, not really, but, well, it felt pretty fucking real.
*
Wylan and Jesper slipped out of the fake relationship after a few months, as easily as Jesper first made it up, but Wylan allowed himself to enjoy it while it lasted. Nina was insistent on inviting them on double dates with her and Matthias, but Wylan declined, because honestly, he had no idea what to say.
He had no clue if he should ask Jesper about it at all. No clue how to get inside his mind about it, and he used to read his thoughts so easily, until now. This one thing though, it left Wylan rather speechless.
It wasn’t until Valentine’s Day. Not until one fateful afternoon that Wylan finds himself bringing it up again, untangling it from his memory and letting the beating in his chest decide for him, because as soon as he spots Jesper across the gym at the annual love fest, locking eyes with him, he knows what to do.
Well, he doesn’t know if it’s the right thing to do, but fuck it, he thinks. His best friend appears to be looking for someone- no, for him, and he looks uncomfortable, because he’s standing right next to some guy he’s never seen, who’s clearly hitting on him, and whose attention Jesper clearly wants none of.
Jesper is looking back at him hopelessly, so Wylan says fuck it, maybe, he decides to swoop in and slip back into that short-lived fantasy that he enjoyed so much just a few months back.
“Hey, Jes,” he greets Jesper, slipping his hand into his, and his best friend links his arm with his easily, audibly letting out a sigh of relief, “I’ve been looking for you.”
The guy looks visibly disappointed, maybe equally annoyed, and Jesper all but ignores the way his face shifts, his familiar grin lighting up his whole face as he looks back at Wylan. Yep, there’s his knees again, going all wobbly. Fuck.
“And
I’ve
been looking for
you
!” his best friend explains, “Let’s go, angel.”
Angel , oh, Saints, save him. Wylan feels like he’s frozen to the ground, but Jesper’s hand is warm and solid, and he can’t help but smile back in his confusion.
“Uh, we were just talking-” the guy starts in an irritated tone, but Wylan finds himself interrupting.
“He’s not interested.”
Jesper laughs harder than he’d ever heard him before. It’s kind of the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard, he thinks, on heaven or on earth or anything in between.
“Not interested!” he chimes in in agreement, and they end up ditching the whole thing together, running off and out into the rain that’s enveloped the entire February afternoon.
Wylan’s entirely out of breath. Jesper’s still smiling at him. He thinks his head might be spinning a bit.
“You’re my savior,” the other man says gratefully.
Wylan still can’t stop smiling. Jesper hasn’t let go of his hand, either. He thinks he could die here, if he doesn’t hurry up and get this thing off his mind.
“Jes,” he says, taking a deep breath, and his friend nods, looking at him curiously, “Why did you say we were a couple?”
“At winter formal?”
“No, I mean-” Wylan fumbles for his words again, “Afterwards. To Nina and Matthias. To Kaz and Inej, and, well, everyone. I mean, I don’t mind-”
He interrupts himself, and Jesper grins even wider at that. Fuck.
“Sorry,” he says.
“Why on earth are you saying sorry?” his best friend asks, squeezing his hand, moving closer. He can’t believe this is happening. His head is still spinning, and he can’t quite make it slow down. It feels good, though.
“I don’t know,” Wylan mumbles honestly with a shrug, “I didn’t mind it. I mean… I actually enjoyed it, honestly. I just- well, it was just for formal and for the discounts, so it wasn’t anything serious, I know.”
“Wylan,” Jesper says, “I’m the one who should be saying sorry.”
“Huh?”
“Sorry,” his friend repeats, “I made up a stupid lie because I was too much of a coward to tell you how I felt, and it’s just… it’s really stupid, sorry. I’d understand if you’re angry at me, seriously, I just- I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t know if you felt the same, so I thought maybe pretending would feel close enough to the real thing. Like it would be enough”
Wylan feels like he’s finally breathing again, somehow, for the first time in five months.
“Jes,” he says, feeling utterly confused and utterly hopeful at the same time, “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“That we’d be a hot couple,” Jesper laughs.
“Obviously,” Wylan chimes in, “But, seriously. I was enjoying it because I thought it was the closest to the real thing I could get.”
The other man blinks at him, and the silence isn’t devastating, it’s rather just buzzing, and Wylan is entirely in disbelief. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Wylan chuckles, “Enjoyed it while it lasted. I kind of have been feeling this way since we first met, honestly.”
“Woah.”
“Woah,” he echoes, “You weren’t a coward. And I didn’t want to ruin this- us. Any way you’d want me was good enough, even if it was just as friends.”
Wylan doesn’t think the sun has ever shone as bright as Jesper’s smile and Jesper’s eyes as that day, on the rainiest day he’s ever been in. The sun loses that competition any day, he’s sure of it.
“Well, would you want me like this, too?” his friend asks sincerely, hope filling his voice and the air and every fiber of their beings, “As your boyfriend, I mean. Not a fake one. A real one, this time.”
Wylan doesn’t have to consider his reply at all. It comes out as quick and as easy as breathing. “I don’t really think there’s anything I’d want more than that.”