Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

All up in the blogs saying we met at the bar
When I don't even know who you are
Saying we up in your house, saying I'm up in your car
But you in LA, and I'm out at Jermaine's
I'm up in the A, you so, so lame
And no one here even mentions your name
It must be the weed, it must be the E
'Cause you be popping, heard you get it popping

Ooh-oh, woah
Why you so obsessed with me? Boy, I wanna know
Lying that you're sexing me, when everybody knows
It's clear that you're upset with me, oh
Finally found a girl that you couldn't impress
Last man on the earth, still couldn't get this
You're delusional, you're delusional
Boy, you're losing your mind
It's confusing, yo, you're confused, you know
Why you wasting your time?
Got you all fired up with your Napoleon complex
See right through you like you're bathing in Windex

===
"Hey, Jubal? There's a Detective Harlee Santos from the 64th precinct on line 3."

"Can you pass her on to Michael {LaCosata, FBI liaison with the NYPD), will you, Liz?"

Lis responded, "She's insisting, Sir...she wants an ASAC or higher."

"Okay...put her through to my desk."

===

"ASAC Jubal Valentine, Detective. Sorry to get straight to the point; we've had a bit of a week here."

Harlee said "I understand, Sir. This concerns an FBI agent in Anti-Corruption, who - to be frank - has been stalky and intrusive
and CRIMINAL...by that I mean he has planted listening devices in my home."

Jubal blurted "Whoa!"

"YES. He's becoming...I fear for myself and my teenage daughter."

"OK. Alright. Detective: are you a target of a Bureau investigation?"

"My team is," Harlee hedged.

"Let's try it this way, Detective...have you received a Target Letter?"

The detective replied "No. None of us has...Agent Stahl sort of 'intimated' that we'd get one." (not QUITE a lie.)

Jubal's end of the line was quiet for a time until he finally said "I'll need some time to look into this...no more than a day or
so. I anticipate my bosses asking that you get audio on him so we can move on him."

Harlee replied, "I'm fine with that."

"Excellent. I'll get back to you." He leaves the control room and down the hall to his Boss' office; he catches Isobel Castille just
she's leaving her office: "Boss, I need a quick word."

The Beautiful Agent In Charge replies "Oh-OK...walk with me."

Jubal recaps his conversation with Harlee and emphasizes the urgency of her situation. "Understood; you're aware that we're Anti-
Terrorism - this is...WHAT? Anti-Crime, Anti-Corruption...who's his ASAC?"

'That I'm unsure of - I can run it down, or"-

"I'll handle it, Jubal," Isobelle says, patting his forearm. "What's
I have to fly."

"Good, good...I'll let Detective Santos know."

=====

THE NEXT UPDATE IS DEC 29

Chapter Text

Exiting the front doors of the FBI building the SAC received a call that brought a beatific smile to her face: "Helloooo, Bay-Bay!"
she giggled.

"It's YOUR WORLD, Bella ", Isaac Monroe, her latest love interest quipped [Isaac is the ASAC -Assistant Special Agent
In Charge of the Bureau's version of Internal Affairs and technically Isobelle's subordinate]. "Careful ASAC Monroe; you've been warned
previously about flirting with superiors!"

Isaac chuckled archly, retorting "Now see...I was only gonna 'bang the hell' out of you...now I believe I'll bang the FUCK out of you!"

"ASAC Monroe! Why I NEVER"-

"BuupBuupBuup! Look for me at or about 2000 hrs. Got it?"

Isobel giggled "Yessir! I'm on my way to see your Boss...seriously though, Chico...I'm seeing Marco because an Agent in your
division is accused of some leveled-up felonies which were reported to my ASAC... Which means..."

"Right."

===

'AN HOUR LATER':

Marco Pedrosian [SAC of the Bureau's Anti-Corruption Unit in Manhattan]: Izzy - how goes it?"

Isobel: Goin' good, Marky Mark...hey, my ASAC tells me that one of your direct reports is swerving off the road - Robert Stahl."

Marco: Stahl...

Isobel: WHOA! What's THAT about? And before you say 'What was what about' I'm talking about the way she just said Stahl's
name as if you didn't know!

Marco: Stahl's...a good agent in general...capable as hell but...after he lost his wife, followed by limited custody of his kid;
I had to direct him to attend counseling...what did he do?"

Isobel: He's suspected of warrantless wiretaps, coercion, break n' enter, and entrapment...she may or not
be 'bent' but if he's off book"-

"Alright; OK I get it! I'll handle it."

Isobel says "Thanks."

Pedrosian adds "One thing more, Iz...we need a Chinese Wall between you ISAAC on this."

"Yeah, I KNOW, Pedrosian. This is neither Isaac's nor my first time through something like this but thanks."

===
Stahl hands Harlee a miniature audio receiver and microphone, adding that the receiver should be placed in the front of her bra
near the front clasp; the wire running along one strap: "HERE, I'll do it"-

"HELL NO- Keep your grimy pervert paws OFFA ME, Carajo -fuckin' PSYCHO CREEP!"

Stahl seethes "If I were you"-

"Save it - and can you get the fuck out so I can put this shit on?!"

Stahl snarks "Forget it! The best I can do is turn my back...you got 90 seconds!"

Huffing with fury Harlee glares until he turns away before whipping off her sweater and as quickly as she's able attaching the
device and microphone, finishing just as he turned back to face her. "All done? he smirked, googling her semi-naked torso.

Harlee calmly slipped on her sweater and gritting through clenched teeth she asked "Wozniak called a meet for tomorrow after-
noon. You should stay outta sight in case I'm followed. I'll let you know when I'm clear." She grabbed her coat and threw back
over one shoulder "And get it STRAIGHT, ASSHOLE - I don't fuck White Boys!"

===

...Last man on the earth, still couldn't get this
You're delusional, you're delusional
Boy, you're losing your mind
It's confusing, yo, you're confused, you know
Why you wasting your time?
Got you all fired up with your Napoleon complex
See right through you like you're bathing in Windex

/

===
After a stop at James Nava's flat for 2 rounds of ELECTRIFYING SEX (lasting forty-five minutes) the Latina detective drove
across town to meet Wozniak and the rest of the team; she walks to the rear of the market where they always meet, takes a
heavy jacket from a hook and slipped it on before she stepped into the cooler. "So wonderful that you've graced us with your
presence, Detective" Detective Sergeant Matt Wozniak snarked. Harlee rolled her eyes - making certain that her boss saw her -
and scuffed her booted foot against fellow detective Tess Nazario's which was stretched atop a stack of boxes, playfully muttering
"Quitate !," (move). "Bitch," Tess retorted.

"Knock it off," said Wozniak. "We need to talk about Los Diablos - that fuck Correa send one of her minions to 'demand' a bump
of 10% which of course I told her that I had to run it past all of you."

Tess: Fuck THAT!

Carlos Espada: She has too much on us just to say 'Fuck that'.

Harlee: Let's cut the bullshit - Correa has us by the balls...we don't agree to her terms and look for both the feds AND 1PP
up our ass.

Tess: So what? All that ROOM you got back there you could fit 'em all in!

Wozniak: THIS SHIT IS FUNNY?! Carlo and Harlee are the only ones makin' sense. Executive decision; we 'kick up' equally on
on the next run. That's it.

Tess: Some of us need that loot, Sarge!

Woz: Credit Union. Any other business?

A chorus of 'Nuh' 'All Good' 'I'm str8' sounded from everyone save Santos' Wozniak queried "Hat?"

She briefly debated spilling about STAHL, and after a split second of indecision decided against it...

CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 3