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Chapter Text

Remus Lupin was by no means an extraordinary man. 

A 34-year old primary school teacher who’s socks never matched, was always cold and could never hold eye contact was someone who rarely warranted a double take. But he was happy. He loved his year 2 class and his teaching partner Lily Evans, an excitable 28-year old who all the kids adored. He loved visiting his parents, Hope and Lyall, in their Welsh cottage where he grew up. He loved knitting little hats for the NICU babies whilst watching the Great British Bake off. His life was full of love. 

But sometimes, on the cold nights, he wished there was something else he could love. Or rather someone. See, Remus had never had anything he would classify as a relationship. Sure, he had been on a few dates over the years, some even becoming second dates and a rare third, but it always ended one way or another. It was never done by him, always his companion. If they had the decency to message, it was always a ‘not you but me’, and maybe they would be better off friends? He decided to stop trying after Lily set him up with an old school friend, Fabian, who ultimately spent more time talking to the bartender than him. He left through the back entrance after saying he needed the bathroom with no small amount of guilt. 

He tried to not be bothered by it. Tried to not let the thoughts that he was broken in some way get too loud. He was fulfilled in so many other aspects of his life, and maybe romantic love was never for him. This didn’t deter Lily however, who initially made valiant attempts at setting him up with every queer man she knew, but settled down in recent years upon his request. 

Remus met Lily when she started teaching at Hogwarts primary 3 years ago and got assigned to class 2B. Remus himself had been there for 6 years and was excited to have a new face next door after Ms. McGonagall retired. He missed having her by his side and as a mentor but quickly found that he and Lily got on like a house on fire, with shared interests and similar senses of humour. She was a formidable force, as fiery as her auburn curls, and stepped in whenever Remus needed help to control his rowdy class. Since he was young, Remus had wanted to be a teacher but surprised even himself when he entered into the primary school sector, always imagining himself at a high school. He wouldn’t change it for anything though, the kids enthusiasm for life and lesson varieties keeping him well occupied. 

It was harder in the winter months. Shorter days led to more time inside his two-storey townhouse in the sleepy town of Hogsmeade, which most days was cosy and comforting but sometimes echoed his quietness back to him. The bed that was a touch too big for just one person, the mantle above the crackling fire that had endless space for more photos and the dining table with just one chair. The lack of talking happening in the evening. 

Remus was lonely. 

He mostly kept these feelings to himself, scared of the vulnerability and openness it would take to admit something he had shoved down for his adult life. But one Friday night, during social hour with some fellow teachers, he found his inhibition lessened by the drinks Lily had been steadily supplying him. 

“I think I’m going to die alone,” He blurts out once Lily had returns from a trip to the bathroom. He regrets the words as soon as they left his mouth. 

“Remus… I…,” Her eyes were wide behind her tortoiseshell glasses, shining under the pendant lights. Guilt filled his chest. He didn’t mean to put this on her. “You’ll always have me.”

“Yeah, of course Lils. I didn’t mean that. Sorry. Too many drinks.” He forcibly laughs at the end, trying to relieve some of the tension he had created. Why did he let his inside thoughts out? Maybe he should go join Marlene and Dorcas, the art teachers. Maybe he should run away. “You were saying something earlier?”

“Oh, well,” She begins twirling the end of her braid between her fingers. “I was going to tell you something but not if you want to keep discussing that?”

“God, please don’t let my stupid thoughts stop you from sharing important life news.” His voice is muffled from behind his hands. 

“If you’re sure…” At his affirmation, she sits up a little straighter and a shy smile comes across her lips. “I’ve started seeing someone. Well, I’ve actually been seeing him for a while now. And I guess it’s progressed from ‘seeing him’ into dating him. He’s my boyfriend. And has been for the last 4 months. I didn’t mean to keep it from you. It was new, and then we were busy and I jus-’

“Lily! Take a breath!” Remus laughs. “I’m so happy for you! What’s his name? How did you meet?”

Lily looks sheepish at her ranting, but seems pleased that Remus wants to know more. “His name is James. He’s my upstairs neighbour, and let me tell you he drove me crazy for a long time, always stomping around late at night. But then we kept running into each other at the mailbox and started talking . He’s such a gentleman I can’t believe it took me so long. He manages a rescue shelter that his grandparents started. It is honestly one of the sweetest things”

A genuine grin takes over his face. “The upstairs neighbour, how cliche.” Lily gives a sardonic nod. “And you’re happy?”

“So happy Remus. But there’s another reason I bought it up now. He has a friend…”

“No.”

“Weren’t you just saying you were going to die alone? I mean I haven’t had a chance to meet the guy yet, but the way James speaks about him you would think they were the ones in love, not us.”

Love? Lily was already in love? A terrible feeling of jealousy begins to rise in him, and he tries to tamper it down but not before it lodges itself in his throat. Curse this whiskey. His next words come out with, embarrassingly, a hint of emotion.

“No Lily. I appreciate what you’re doing, but really I don’t think it’s for me. Some part of me is just unlikeable, seemingly. Plus, I wouldn’t want to cause any tension between you and James when he inevitably ghosts me.”

And there it is again. That shining in Lily’s green eyes. “There is not a single part of you Remus John Lupin that is unlikeable. Anyone who left you after getting to know you are the ones who should be ashamed. Never you.” 

How had this night gotten so far away from him? He had meant to come out and have some fun with his coworkers after another week of wrangling children but instead he was becoming dangerously close to spilling his feelings all over the sticky bartop. Sensing that Lily was going to begin prying for more, he drains his glass, grabs his coat and stands up. 

“It’s getting late. I should go. See you on Monday.”

He was gone before she could reply.

〰 ☪ 〰 ✸ 〰

Saturday morning came with a ray of golden sunlight piercing Remus in the eye from the gap he accidentally left in his curtains, a yellow floral pattern that would have appeared garish anywhere else but somehow added charm to his bedroom. Burying his head under the thick patchwork quilt his mum made him as a housewarming present, Remus let himself wallow for a moment. He was not only regretting those few extra drinks for the headache that was slowly making itself present but also for how they made him act. He was embarrassed by what he had revealed to Lily. But, if he examined it a little deeper (something he did not dare do often), he found a hint of relief at finally giving voice to the feelings he had been festering for so long. 

Maybe talking really did help. His mums ‘I told you so’ face was vivid in his mind, reminding him that he needed to give her and his dad a call soon. But he might hold off on sharing this aspect of his life for a little.

Calling an end to his little under the quilt pity party, Remus sits up and embraces the sunshine. He descends the stairs into his little kitchen, all olive wood cabinets and sage backsplash with feature Jemima Puddleduck tiles. If anyone asks, they just came with the house, but truly they were one of the bigger selling factors. He puts the kettle on with the intention of having one of his daily earl grey teas and finds his phone that never made it up with him last night. Seeing it was only on 7%, he plugged it in and took note of a message waiting for him. It wasn’t often he woke up to messages on his phone. Unlocking it, he sees it’s from Lily and is worried that she is going to be insistent on examining what he said last night. 

01:21 Lily 

I won’t keep pestering you about it, but maybe some companionship could help your feelings. And I don’t mean in human form. Check out this, James manages it. 

Accompanying the message is a hyperlink to a pet adoption agency. Remus feels a mix of gratefulness that she is going to drop the subject and curiosity about her suggestion. Owning a pet has crossed his mind, of course, but he never had the space, time or money. However, that was years ago and his life looks different now. No longer living in a studio apartment whilst juggling university and his waiting job, he now has a townhouse with a backyard and stable, full time job. Suddenly, the idea doesn’t sound as far-fetched and he finds himself clicking on the link, but not before firing off a quick response to Lily.

9:49 Remus

Thank you Lily. I promise I don’t always feel like that and value you in my life. Will check out the link. Meet up for coffee before class? 

It brings him to a page with a header advertising 'Potter's Pet Protection est. 1981’. Beneath that, a photo of who can only be assumed to be the Potter’s surrounded by a large variety of animals. Remus found the ‘For adoption’ page and immediately got the feeling that he was going to have a hard time deciding on just one. Tens of adorable faces greeted him, a mix of cats and dogs. Deciding that this was a job more suited for his laptop, he takes his tea and moved into his sitting room, choosing the wooden rocking chair by the fireplace with yet another blanket made by his mam. Settling in, he finds the page once again and gets serious with his scrolling. All of them looked so lovable but he was particularly captured by a black Labrador with its head tilted to the side and looking all kinds of handsome in his little bowtie. Snuffles, the name card said. Proceeding through to more information, Remus found out that Snuffles was 7 years old and perfect for a first time owner. He was surrendered to the Potters after his previous owner went to prison, which made Remus cautious, but was pleased to find out he had a kind temperament and was good with children. Not that he imagined any entering his life, not soon at least. 

More photos provided a better look of Snuffles, one of him running in a park and one of him cuddled in a bed with an orange cat chew toy. Someone was facing away from the camera in the final one, and Remus instantly chided himself for thinking of how good their ass looked. He did not want to sexualise someone who was just standing at their job, no matter how well those chinos hugged their frame. He allowed himself one more quick peek before continuing on to the enquiry portion of the ad. It asked him to fill in some details and what time he would be available. Seeing that they had an opening for tomorrow afternoon, he selected that and sent in his application. 

Now, sitting and facing the ‘Thank you for helping one of our furry friends find a home, we look forward to meeting you!’, he realised how rash this decision was. Not even an hour ago, he was lying in bed feeling like death reheated. And now, here he is applying to be a pet owner. But he couldn’t bring himself to retract his application. The image of Snuffles getting excited about finally getting a new home, no matter how ridiculous the thought, broke his heart. So, after a studying sip of tea, Remus opened a YouTube tab and began to learn everything he needed to.

〰 ☪ 〰 ✸ 〰

Sunday morning bought Remus a brisk walk to the adoption centre, with it only being 15 minutes away. He had woken that morning in much better spirits and with more knowledge on dog ownership then he thought possible. If all went well today then he would be taking a trip to his local pet store and buying all the necessary supplies to begin with. Plus a few too many toys of course. He was glad to be getting an older dog and skipping the puppy stage and all the training that came with it. 

Walking down the mainstreet of Hogsmeade, Remus checked his watch, a gift from his dad for his 17th birthday, and decided that he had enough time to get a coffee before his 11:30 appointment. A comforting wall of warmth welcomes him as he walks into his favourite bakery, The Burrowside. The owner, an older woman with a shock of curly red hair named Molly, stood behind the counter loading a batch of apricot danishes into the cabinet. Her youngest children, Ron and Ginny, sat at a table in the corner playing a game. Remus gave them a wave, recognising Ron as one of his students last year and Ginny as one in 2B, both sharing their mothers hair. Molly greets him as he approaches the counter, already ringing up his usual order; medium oat chai with a pain au chocolat. After paying, they strike up conversation whilst she makes his drink. “Where are you off to today dear?” She asks in her usual motherly fashion. 

“I’m heading down to the pet rescue centre to possibly adopt a dog.”

“Oh how exciting! That would be nice, some company for you in that house of yours.”

He knows she meant it in a caring way but it stings a little. Still, he didn’t want her to feel bad about it so he keeps his smile bright and accepts his drink with thanks. Waving goodbye to the kids, he sets off again and makes his way down to the quieter end of the street. 11:17 his watch reads, so he sits down on a bench and takes in his surroundings. 

Remus moved to Hogsmeade after graduating university 7 years ago. He missed his home town in Wales but it was never meant for him to live his adult life there. It was ideal for his childhood and visits, but didn’t offer the same opportunities and community as Hogsmeade. Remus loved it here and held memories of times he would rather not remember. There was a combination of small businesses and chain stores which provided him with access to anything he needed. There was a library he frequented at and a farmers market the first Saturday of every month. When he was a teenager, Remus envisioned himself running away to a big city like London, craving the bustle and anonymity that came with it, but once he attended university there he realised that he was more suited towards suburban life. The initial desire seemed to come from wanting to leave his small town and the people who lived there, rather than towns in general. Excluding his parents, Remus had no one of importance back home, no one that made him feel good about himself. 

He had planned to keep his sexuality to himself until he was able to get away, but that was derailed by someone he thought he could trust, outing him to his church at age 16. Word spread quickly, and Remus found himself packing a bag late at night, planning to run away before he faced his parents' rejection. He never made it far though, his da stopping him at the end of the drive with a hand on his shoulder pulling him into a firm hug before leading him back to the house. He woke up with his mam curled around him, surrounded by love and acceptance. Since then, they have shown nothing but unconditional support, but the same couldn't be said for the larger community. 

He got lucky with his job here, an opening becoming available right after he had settled himself in. Since then, he’s allowed himself to grow into his community and be more open with those around him.

At 11:29 he deems it an appropriate time to approach the building; not too late to be rude but not too early to seem over excited. Discarding his rubbish in the bin, he makes his way to the rescue entrance and opens the door. A bell chimes above his head and he looks around the space. A reception desk is situated on the back left wall, next to a door that he guessed led down to the kennels. On his right side, there was a u-shape of plastic chairs and on his left, there were shelves of products, including bowls, leashes, toys and treats. The walls were a light yellow and the flooring a dark oak. 

The counter was unoccupied, but there was a bell to ring to get someone's attention. Remus eyed the bell and decided he would rather wait than ring it. He wandered over to the store section and browsed the items. Just as he was reading the ingredients on some treats the internal door opened. Remus turned around ready to introduce himself and promptly dropped the packet. 

There, standing in the doorway looking down at a clipboard, was the most gorgeous man Remus had ever seen.

Inky black hair fell loose around a face that looked like it belonged in museums. Thick brows sat above eyes that Remus couldn’t quite tell the colour of yet but they looked light. High cheekbones, a strong jaw and plump lips all worked in harmony. Remus’ eyes travelled down and was pleased to see broad shoulders and a trim waist encased in a blue polo with the company's logo sitting just above his (very defined) pec. The adonis turned around to hang the clipboard on a peg and oh.

Oh.

Remus recognised that ass. It was even more beautiful in person. Long legs clad in black jeans led to scuffed up combat boots. By the time Remus’ eyes made their way to the much more respectful part of this man's body, his eyes, he was surprised to find stark grey looking back at him. The man's lips were slightly parted and a small furrow had appeared between his eyebrows. Seriously, how were even his eyebrows attractive? 

Blood rushed to Remus’ cheeks at being caught very openly ogling this man’s backside. From the look on his face, the man wasn’t very happy with it. Both him and Remus were staring at each other now and he felt studied under this man’s microscopic gaze.

Physically, he had always felt quite neutrally about himself. Average height and slim build, he had curly brown hair and hazel eyes that bought him a few compliments. There were a few pesky scars that ran over the bridge of his nose and from his left eyebrow down to his lip from the time he crashed his bike that had never faded as much as he wished. Those hadn’t bought him any compliments, just stares. He dressed for comfort not fashion, opting for a simple wardrobe of trousers and sweaters, with a few nice shirts for when he ventured out of his house for reasons beyond working. His mam claimed him to be the most handsome man on earth, but he felt she may be a bit biased.

But now, under this intense stare, he begins to feel as if there was something on his face that he should be concerned about. Rubbing at his cheek, which felt hot under his hand, Remus decided that maybe now would be a good time to end the staring contest they had begun. 

“Um h-.” He clears his throat which has suddenly become very dry. “Sorry. Hello, my name is Remus Lupin, I had an 11:30 appointment to meet Snuffles?”

Considering it was too late now to give the dog a new name he needs to get used to saying ‘Snuffles’ without laughing.

Remus watches the man physically shake himself before plastering on a smile and Remus has to wonder if he really is that hard to look at.

“Of course! Right on time Remus. Welcome to Potter’s pet protection, where there is no creature too big or small! If you could just fill in this form, then we can bring you out.” At this, a different clipboard is shoved into his hands before the man turns and flees down the hallway again, a variety of bangs and clashes following him. A faint “James!” can be heard before the door clicks closed. Feeling thoroughly concerned and confused by the past 5 minutes, if the clock on the wall is accurate, Remus takes a seat on one of the hard plastic chairs and looks over the form. It asked him a variety of questions, like if he has any children at home (no), access to a car (yes) and where will the dog sleep (to be decided). 

As he was signing his name at the bottom, the door swung open again but this time a different man walked out. Remus recognised him from the website. He was tall and built like a rugby player, with tanned skin and a mess of black hair. He was dressed in a similar fashion to the previous worker, except this time he had a name tag on, that read 'James'. Remus could guess this was Lily’s boyfriend. He definitely sees the appeal. He walks up to Remus with his hand extended and a broad smile so white Remus felt blinded. 

“James Potter, it is so wonderful to meet you and thank you for coming in! Are you done with that form?”

Before Remus could answer James takes the clipboard from his hand that wasn’t still actively shaking his and gives it a quick scan. His smile gets even bigger, if that was possible. “Oh Remus! I’ve been expecting you. Lilyflower speaks so often of you, I feel like I know you already.” He pulls Remus into a crushing hug. “We’re going to be fantastic friends, I can feel it in my waters.” 

Remus hasn’t said a word at this point but James seems content to run the conversation so he left him to it. 

“So, you have filled everything on this form. That means you can come meet Snuffles! Follow me! Sirius is getting him ready now.”

Remus didn’t know what a serious was but James’ enthusiasm left him with no choice but to follow him through the door. Immediately, he sees what had caused the ruckus when the man ran down the hallway. A row of cleaning supplies had fallen in a domino-like fashion and Remus suspected the metal bucket at the end was the cause for the loudest bang. 

It was a long corridor with many doors running down both sides. As they walked through, Remus sees that they were all rooms for cats, decked out for maximum comfort. At the end, there was another door which James swipes a key card to reveal a large covered outdoor area with dogs running around. The man from before was approaching them with a dog that could only be Snuffles attached to a bright yellow leash. He stops short just before James and Remus, and Snuffles sat obediently at his side. That was a good sign for Remus. The man gives Remus a sheepish look and holds out his hand. He hesitantly took it. 

“Sorry I didn’t introduce myself earlier. My name is Sirius. Like the star, not the emotion. I realised I forgot something back here, which is why I ran away.” James gave a snort at that and Sirius not so subtly stomped on his foot. Remus, feeling very much like he was missing something, replied back with a greeting. Sirius is looking at his scars again. 

“Well now that we are all buddies, let’s meet snuffles, who has been sitting like such a good boy!” James trails off into baby talk at the end, giving a good scratch behind the dog's ears. “You can go sit over there and get comfortable with him.”

Remus follows James’ direction to a padded bench where he sits and waits for Snuffles to approach. When he did, he immediately puts his head on Remus’ knee and begs with those big eyes for just one little scratch and how could he refuse? Remus got lost in him for a few minutes, talking lowly and petting his belly. When he next looks up, James has vanished and the man, no, Sirius is standing there doing his staring thing again. Doesn’t he know it’s rude? And starting to make Remus conscious of his scars in a way he hasn’t felt for a very long time. Deciding to focus his energy on Snuffles, he kneels down and grabs a few toys from the basket to play with. He can still feel Sirius’ eyes on him. He decides to break the silence.

“I know they’re a lot”

A beat. “The dogs?”

“No. My scars. But it doesn’t mean you need to stare so much.”

He looks over his shoulder when saying the final bit to see Sirius’ face drop and him hurry to justify himself. 

“God no! No, that is not what I think at all. I think… well it doesn’t matter. Have. Have people made you feel like they are a lot?”

The question is far too personal for this situation and Remus doesn’t particularly want to dive into it with a stranger. Let alone a stranger that looks like that. He clears his throat. 

“I don’t think that’s any of your business. Can you tell me more about Snuffles?”

Sirius seems thrown by his curtness and change of subject, but recovers quickly. “Yes, uh, he’s a 7 year old black labrador retriever. Surrendered to us about 1 month ago by the daughter of someone who was sent to prison. Messy case, he’s proclaiming innocence but there were heaps of witnesses. Off topic, sorry. He’s extremely well trained and follows most commands. Like this.” Sirius kneels down next to him and Remus curses his heart for skipping a beat at the proximity. “Snuffles, shake.” Snuffles puts his paw in Sirius’ open hand and looks at Remus like he wanted his approval. He gives it. 

“What else, what else. He needs to be walked at least once a day and he loves seeing other dogs. We’ve got some suggestions on the best food to give him. I think that’s it. Any questions?”

Sirius has stood up at this point and Remus was glad for the distance again. He didn’t know why his body was behaving like this but it was terribly inconvenient. “No, that's all thanks. I’m going to buy all his supplies tonight hopefully.”

“Perfect. We’ll come around tomorrow afternoon just for a quick inspection of the home and you should have him by Tuesday. Oh one more thing!” Sirius runs down to the back of the yard. When he returns, he’s holding an orange cat chew toy that has seen better days. “This is crookshanks. It’s the only thing he has from his original home and cuddles it every night. It’s actually really cute.” 

Sure enough, Snuffles is jumping up and down at Sirius’ side clearly wanting his toy. Sirius indulges him, then brushes off his hands and faces Remus. “Well you two seem to get along great, and if all goes well tomorrow then I don’t see why you won’t get him. If you’re done?” Sirius cocks his head toward the door and Remus takes the cue of leaving the area, but not before giving Snuffles a big goodbye. 

Back in the main foyer, Sirius taps away at something on the computer and James talks on the phone whilst Remus pretends to scroll on his phone. Really, he’s just on his settings app. Sirius clears his throat. “So can I have your number?”

Remus looks up in alarm, shocked by both the brazenness and the fact that someone like Sirius would even look his way twice. Remus doubts this man is even attracted to men. Clearly undeterred by James sitting right next to him, Sirius looks him straight in the eye. Remus’ eyes flicker to the rainbow heart that sits on the back of Sirius’ computer. But that didn’t mean anything. Maybe the business was just really a strong ally. Tearing his eyes away, Remus stutters a few times and shakes his head before asking, “ you want my number?” 

Sirius lifts his gaze from where he had been following Remus’ eyes to the heart and raises an eyebrow. “For the inspection tomorrow. We’ll let you know what time we’re going to be there.” An ‘obviously’ is muttered under his breath.

Remus pointedly ignores the disappointment settling in his belly. Of course that’s what it was for. Why did he even begin to get his hopes up? He nods and recites his number off to Sirius who types it in the system. “And is there a time that suits you best?”

“Ah, anytime after 4:30.”

“We’ll message you 15 minutes before our arrival time.

There was a distinct difference in Sirius’ tone from when he greeted him to now. Remus had the feeling he was being dismissed and awkwardly moves as he tries to work out what is meant to happen from there. Sirius has pointedly turned back to his computer.

James finishes his phone call and turns to Remus, saving him from doing something truly embarrassing. “Well boys, how did that go?” He asks boisterously. Sirius gives an indifferent shrug which makes James frown, but Remus replies in the affirmative, hoping the smile on his face doesn't look as forced as it felt. 

“Remus, if I may take my professional hat off for a moment, we simply must catch up sometime. Lilith loves you so very much and I feel left out. I don’t like being left out.”

Remus couldn’t quite tell how jokingly that last part was said but nodded anyways. “Of course. I’ll talk to Lily about it tomorrow at work.”

“Marvelous! I look forward to seeing you in my personal time and we at Potter’s pet protection look forward to seeing you in your humble abode tomorrow!”

Looking over at Sirius’ stony face, Remus doesn't think the sentiment was shared. 

Bright and early Monday morning, Remus makes his way to Burrowside once more to meet Lily before carpooling to work. Walking past the window, he sees that she has already arrived and has his drink ready on the table. Opening the door, he greets Molly and takes off his coat before sitting down. Lily has a giddy smile on her face and he gives her a suspicious look. “What?”

“What do you mean ‘what’? Tell me about yesterday! James said that everything went well.”

“Yes they did. He really is a beautiful dog, and if tonight all goes well then I should have him tomorrow.”

“Oh how exciting. And,” She draws this word out far too long for Remus’ liking, “I heard you met Sirius?” 

Remus nods. This is not enough for Lily. 

“So how did you find him? Isn’t he gorgeous?”

How did Remus find Sirius? First impression was that he had a face like nothing he had ever seen before, but then he had stared at Remus and gave him the cold shoulder for no apparent reason. Late last night, after replaying it a million times, Remus came to the conclusion that Sirius picked up on the fact that he thought he was asking for his number and wasn’t happy about it. Logical? No, but Remus was never one to let logic stop his feelings. 

“Uh, I don’t think he liked me that much actually…” 

Lily frowns. “What did he do?”

“Well for one, he stared at my scars the whole time. It made me very… aware of them. And then he changed up at the end, gave me the cold shoulder as I left.” He shrugged at the end to show Lily how unaffected he was by the whole thing. He doesn’t think he did a very good job. 

Remus gets home at 4:09 and immediately begins to go around and tidy the house in preparation for his inspection. He had received a message 3 minutes ago saying they would be there soon and he would rather keep himself busy than waiting by the door anxiously. 

At exactly 4:20 his doorbell rings. Counting to 3 so he doesn't seem too eager, he strolls to the door and opens it. There, standing on the other side, was Sirius. His hair is up in a ponytail today which somehow makes him even more attractive. The scowl on his face however, didn’t. 

“Sirius, hi! Come on in.”

Sirius graces him with a nod and steps into his living room. It was one of Remus’ favourite rooms in the house. Bay windows allowed for natural light to come in, highlighting the green braided rug that ran along the length of the room. All of his furniture was mismatched but he liked it that way. A large bookcase ran along the wall that didn’t lead into the kitchen, filled with a variety of novels and academic texts. To their left, was a staircase leading to the bedrooms, which were now sectioned off with a little latch gate. 

Looking around, Sirius brings out a clipboard and begins to take notes. Remus felt slightly unnerved by the sudden inspection on his home, expecting at least an introduction from Sirius before he began. He measures the bed that Remus had placed beside the fireplace, went through the toy basket and picked up the harness. “You buy this?” At Remus’ nod, he made a noise of begrudging approval.

“Is that not a good one?”

“No… it's actually a great one. Show me the yard.”

It doesn't come across as a question. Remus leads him through the kitchen and past the laundry (where Sirius made notes about the food and water) before opening his patio doors. His property was more yard than house, which was rare for this area but he loved it. An expansive lawn went down the slope with garden beds running parallel on the sides. They were currently standing on his bricked patio that had two wire chairs and a table where he enjoys his morning coffee. Plenty of room for a dog to run. 

Sirius was furiously scribbling, and for the first time Remus began to worry that he wouldn’t pass the inspection. Surely Sirius wouldn’t let whatever issues he had with him stop him from getting Snuffles. 

Seemingly done with his writing, Sirius looks Remus in the eye for the first time since arriving. “Everything looks good. You’ve got all the necessary equipment with plans to buy more and plenty of yard space. Food, water and sleeping arrangements all seem up to scratch.” Sirius says in a flat tone. “Any questions?”

“Would you like a cup of tea?” Remus had meant to say that he had no questions. Why did his brain insist on going off script around Sirius? 

“No, I would not like a cup of tea with you.”

The last part implied that it was Remus that was the problem and not the tea. Oh. He really wished he knew what he had done wrong so he could fix it. Especially if both of their best friends were dating. But he was going to have to wait until Sirius became the bigger person and spoke to him.

“I’ll be off now.” Sirius makes his way back through the house but stops short before the door, looking at the framed photos that ran down the frame. He seems to be focused on one in particular; a picture of his parents at the pride event they had attended in Wales the year after he came out. His da had oversized rainbow glasses and his mam a bright rainbow wig, both wearing matching t-shirts that read ‘we love our gay son’. His mam had bought them off Etsy. Originally, he had been embarrassed by his parents showing up like that, but now he could appreciate the support they were showing him at the time. It was one of his favourite photos. “Are those your parents?”

“Uh yeah, Hope and Lyall. They went all out for my first pride.” He chuckles fondly. 

“And you’re their gay son?” The way Sirius emphasised the word didn’t sit right with Remus. Just as he was going to ask if Sirius had a problem with it, the man in question makes a choking noise and practically sprints from the house. Confused, and a little alarmed, Remus follows him out but Sirius was already flooring his car down the street. Feeling very put off and a little like he had dreamt the last 25 minutes, he goes back inside to calm down with a cup of tea. 

〰 ☪ 〰 ✸ 〰

Remus was not having a good day. 

Worries of not getting Snuffles, or not being a good owner to Snuffles plagued his dreams. When he woke up the only thing he wanted to do was fall asleep again, but alas, he had young minds to go teach. Shuffling down the stairs bleary eyed, his robe got caught on the gate and tugged him backwards. Angrily ripping it away he went into the kitchen just to discover that he was out of tea bags. He had planned to go shopping last night but was so thrown by Sirius’s behaviour that he completely forgot. 

Forgoing a drink and breakfast all together he had rushed to get ready only to realise that he didn’t have any clean socks. Allowing himself a moment of self pity, he grabbed the less dirty pair off the floor. He then left the house with dirty socks, mismatched buttons and unbrushed hair. As he was running late he decided to drive but quickly discovered that the battery was flat. At this point he wanted to go back inside and pretend this day didn’t exist. Unfortunately for him, he was an adult who had responsibilities so he called Lily to see if he could get a lift.

Never in Remus’ teaching career had Remus experienced a day like today. Full moon and high winds caused the children to be feral and he didn’t pack any lunch on the only day the canteen was closed. The only good thing that seemed to happen was getting a phone call from a man named Fleamont, telling him that he was successful in his adoption of Snuffles. 

All that is to say, by the time Remus arrived at Potter's pet protection he was exhausted. Completely and utterly exhausted. Didn’t want to see another human ever again exhausted. But, as previously established, he was an adult with adult responsibilities and he had made a commitment. 

Arriving at the shelter with his freshly charged car, he pulls into the car park and steels himself to go in. A part of him is hoping that Sirius isn't working today because he doesn't want to spend another night thinking about what he could have possibly done. And Remus is pretty sure he’s homophobic if his literal running away from gay was anything to go by. 

From the outside, he can't quite tell who was at the counter but upon entering is pleased to see it is James. He looks up when Remus enters, hazel eyes bright behind his wire rimmed glasses. “Ah, my favourite customer! I’ve been waiting for you to arrive. And so has snuffles.” He waggles his eyebrows here. “Sirius will bring him through in a second, we’re letting him say goodbye to Padfoot. They’ve gotten quite attached.”

“And Padfoot is…”

“Sirius's dog! Sorry, I feel like I've known you forever and forget you dont know everything about our lives.” Remus didn’t know how to tell him that they’ve only met once. He also didn’t know how he felt about his dog getting attached to Sirius’ dog. Was it bad to separate connected dogs? He was quite content to never see Sirius again after this if he could help it. Even if his traitorous little heart broke a little at the thought.

The door opens and Sirius comes through with Snuffles bounding in front of him and a bag looped over his shoulder. Remus expects to receive the same iciness he had gotten the previous time but instead is met with a sheepish smile. No words were exchanged but it is enough to lower Remus’ previous defensive guard. 

James takes the lead from there, both figuratively and literally, and after some final procedures, Remus was free to go home with Snuffles. It all starts to become very real at this point and he finds himself excited for this new chapter in his life. Sirius looks like he wants to say something but keeps stopping himself. Remus doesn't know if he wants to hear it. Bidding them a goodbye, but not before a final bear hug from James, Remus makes his way back to his car to make the journey home. He has parked at the rear of the building and as he is unlocking his car the security door burst open to reveal a harried Sirius. They both stare at each other before Sirius takes a deep breath and steps forward. “Remus. I was wondering if you had a minute?” Nodding, he turns back to the car to let Snuffles in the backseat so he can give Sirius his full attention. He has a feeling now was going to be the time for them to talk. 

“What’s up?”

“I want to start by saying sorry. I know that my behaviour has been erratic these past few days and that just isn’t fair to you. I’m meant to be the professional here and I’ve let myself feel things a bit too personally. I reckon James and Lily are in it for the long run, so I figured we should at least be able to get along… yeah that’s it.”

Remus looks up into his eyes, his gorgeous eyes, and sees nothing but sincerity. 

“Thank you for saying sorry. I will admit it was all a bit confusing but I got Snuffles out of it so I can’t complain. All I ask is that you don’t be a dick about my sexuality or my scars. I can’t change your feelings but if we’re going to see each other then you have to get used to me being gay.”

Sirius is staring at him with his eyebrows raised and jaw dropped. “You think I have a problem with you being gay?”

“Sirius, you literally ran away from my house after finding out.” His cheeks went pink at that. Remus scolds himself for finding it attractive. “Excuse me for assuming that you’re homophobic.” 

“I thought you were homophobic!” Sirius bursts out. 

“What on earth gave you that impression?”

“You gave the heart on the back of my computer stink eye then had an adverse reaction to me asking for your number. Like you assumed that just because I was gay I preyed on customers. Not cool.”

“You’re gay?!”

“Yes! Jesus, how have we both messed this up so much?” Sirius gives a helpless laugh and Remus can’t help but do the same. It was a good question.

“Ok, wait, I need to understand this. You’re gay but I thought you were homophobic, and I’m gay and you thought I was homophobic. Is that right?”

“Well when you put it like that it sounds so silly!” 

“It is silly!”

“Can we please start this over again.” Sirius rolls his shoulders back and sticks out his hand, reminiscent of that time two days ago. “Hi, my name is Sirius Black and I’m assistant manager at Potter’s Pet Rescue. It is really lovely to meet you.”

Chuckling, Remus takes his hand. “Nice to meet you Sirius. My name is Remus Lupin and I’m a year 2 teacher at Hogwarts Primary School.”

“Oh you totally give teacher vibes. So, I came out to apologise to not only do the right thing, but to also talk to you about something. I have a dog, Padfoot, who I bring into work most days. Him and Snuffles have gotten along well and I was wondering if maybe you would want them to keep being friends?”

Sirius looks so hopeful Remus’ heart squeezes. For a moment, he lets himself think that Snuffles isn’t the only one Sirius is excited to see again. “Yes, I think that would be great.” 

“Wonderful! So, can I get your number for real this time?” Sirius gives a cheeky smile. 

Remus still feels as nervous and giddy as he did the first time Sirius asked for his number, but now he knows it’s for personal use. And that thought makes his heart flutter. 

Leaving the car park with his phone heavier by one number and plans to meet up on the weekend, Remus can’t help but drive with a smile on his face. He can’t tell if their planned walk is a date or not but he knows he’s never felt this way about a person before, especially in such a short time. He thinks that maybe he should be concerned by this but ultimately decides to lay back and let himself enjoy this. 

The week passes just like any other, but this time with the addition of another presence in his house. Snuffles gets walked in the morning before he leaves and when he gets home. At night, he curls up beside Remus on the couch at night before sleeping in his dog bed at the foot of Remus’. The in between time is spent running around the backyard playing fetch and getting pats. Snuffles is an easy going dog that has improved Remus’ life for the better. He likes the idea of having someone to come home to, even if it isn’t a human. It gives him responsibilities and tasks to keep him occupied and he has noticed a decline in his late night spirals. He really must buy Lily something as a thanks for this suggestion. 

Soon enough, Saturday morning rolls around and Remus is gearing up Snuffles to go meet Sirius and Padfoot at Hollow park. He feels good this morning, a contrast to last week. He kept his drinking light last night, to both avoid another embarrassing vomit of emotions and so he wasn’t hungover when he met Sirius. If he also wants to look his best, well, that was no one's business but his own. 

Typically when he goes for a walk, he puts on his holey track pants and a stained hoodie, not caring if they get dirty or sweaty. Today, however, he dons his best pair of black track pants (no holes) and a white polo neck jumper. Over that, he has a green parka, as today is cold. As he is leaving, he catches his reflection in his hallway mirror and quickly dashes up the stairs to run some pomade through his hair. Satisfied with his appearance, he leashes Snuffles and leaves, choosing to not think about his urge to look nice for Sirius. 

Hollow park is a 10 minute walk from Remus’s house, the opposite way of the town centre. It was a large open field with play equipment at one end and a gym area at the other. A track wound its way around the open middle space which was frequently filled with dogs running around. Remus had never been a regular visitor here but figured that would be changed now. He makes his way across the grass to the place he and Sirius agreed to meet, the early morning dew drops catching on his shoes. A gust of wind blows through and he burrows himself deeper into his jacket. Approaching the bench, he notices that there is someone using the back of it as a press up bench. Not wanting to disrupt them, he stands awkwardly at the side and pretends to check his phone. Today, he goes on the weather app. 

"Remus?” 

Spinning around, Remus sees Sirius standing up from the back of the bench brushing off his hands. Suddenly, the air doesn't feel as cold. 

Sirius is wearing athletic shorts, the lunatic, that showed off an indecent amount of thigh muscle. Accompanying that is a matching athletic shirt that clings to every place in his body and Remus isn't sure how he doesn't pass out on the spot. A peaked cap sits on his head, splaying his hair out across his (frankly gorgeous) shoulders. How is he going to make it out of this alive? Maybe it would be best if he passed out and feigned memory loss when he woke up. But Sirius is already making his way towards him, megawatt grin on display - since when did he have dimples?! - so he would need to save his dramatics for another day. 

“Sirius, hey! I didn’t recognise you. Oh and who’s this?”

A shaggy black dog had run up to join them and immediately flopped on the floor in front of Sirius, who began petting his stomach. Both Sirius and the dog look up at him, scarily alike with their tilted heads and grey eyes. “This is padfoot. He’s a Belgian Shepherd and the best boy in the whole world. No offense, Snuffles.”

“I’m sure he won’t take any.”

"Good. I would hate for this friendship to be over before it even started. Shall we walk?”

And walk they did. Making laps around the park, they discussed anyone to everything. Remus learnt about Sirius’s friendship with James since 11 years old and the role he played in him leaving home at 16, something he glossed over and Remus knew not to push. In turn, Remus told him about what it was like to be outed to his town and the consequent leaving. They bonded over their love for the Great British Bake Off and debated on who was the best doctor. Remus talked about his journey to teaching and Sirius shared how he studied finance at university but took the job when Fleamont, who Remus had come to learn was James’s dad, offered him a job. However, he would like to eventually get back into it. By the time there was a lull in their conversation, 2 hours had passed and the dogs had long ago curled up on the grass whilst their owners walked. Remus was surprised at how easily they had talked. He was someone who often struggled to keep conversation flowing and think of new ideas, but with Sirius he found he had none of that. He wasn’t conscious of saying the wrong thing or trying to impress Sirius. He felt… calm. He had never felt like this with someone before, not even Lily. 

At the end, Remus expected Sirius to say goodbye and head on home but he hung around, prolonging the conversation. Remus was giddy. Plans were made to make this a regular occurrence as the dogs seemed to love it. Nothing to do with the owners at all.

The next weekend, Remus opted for a similar outfit as last time. However, when he arrives at the park, he is pleasantly shocked to see Sirius in something completely different. Ripped jeans hug him in all the right places and a leather jacket over a stretched out band tee fits him like a second skin. His hair is thrown up in a bun and from a distance Remus thought he could see eyeliner smudged on his lid. He looks like sex on legs and Remus suddenly feels like a bit of a wet blanket. But then Sirius smiles at him and those feelings evaporate just a little. 

When they get closer, Sirius went in for a hug that Remus gladly returns, albeit a little caught off guard. Sirius smells like leather and sandalwood and Remus wants to bottle up and keep it. He thinks that may be a bit much for someone he’s met only a few times. 

They let the dogs off lead and follow them leisurely around, keeping to the gravel to avoid getting their shoes completely soaked. Their conversation flows on from last time and eventually gets on to the topic of Remus's scars. Sirius took the opportunity to apologise for making Remus feel self conscious that first day. 

“It’s alright. Besides, you’re hardly the first to stare. It’s not anything I’m not used to.”

“You shouldn’t have to be though. Besides, I think they make you very handsome.” Remus felt heat prickle his neck at this and hoped the cold wind could be a good enough excuse. 

〰 ☪ 〰 ✸ 〰

This routine carries over the next few months. Every Saturday at 9:45am they meet at the bench and walk. Some days they go for hours and some days they have to make it quick as one of them had plans that day. But Remus always tries to keep his Saturdays free. So he can spend time with his good friend Sirius . Nothing else.

At some point, Remus learns his coffee order (large long black) and Sirius learns his, so they alternate buying. It is a good system that lets the dogs be around each other. That’s it. Just the dogs. 

Sometimes they won't even walk and instead sit down whilst Padfoot and Snuffles run free. Here, some of his favourite memories are made. Sirius making up stories about the passing people until his sides hurt from laughing. Placing bets on when Lily and James would move in together (Sirius won with his bet of 5 months). Slowly moving closer on the seat each week until there is only an inch of very platonic space between them. 

Fine. Remus is in denial. 

Every Friday night, Remus goes to bed giddy thinking about seeing Sirius. Every Saturday morning he wakes up that bit earlier to get ready. Every time he sees Sirius walking with Padfoot, his heart beats a little faster, palms sweat a little more and mouth stretches into an involuntary smile. 

Maybe he was a little in love. 

There was the obvious reason of Sirius being one of the most attractive human beings he had ever seen. But that surface level attraction felt so novel after Remus had the privilege of seeing different sides of his personality. He was as brash as he was tender, caring about those he cared for but a mean streak to those he didn’t. He was as loyal as a dog and would do almost anything for his friends. Remus felt lucky to be invited into his orbit, even if at times he felt unworthy. 

Whilst having Snuffles definitely helped with his feelings of loneliness, Sirius has almost doubled his yearning for another human in his house. And there were times that Remus thought maybe, maybe , his feelings were reciprocated, through lingering touches or flirty laughs but Sirius had never shown any interest beyond that, not that Remus expected him to. Two gay men could be friends. Yes, one of them was harbouring a debilitating crush on the other but he didn’t need to know. He also didn't need to know the little fantasies that Remus made up when he was alone. Not all of them were steamy, in fact, most were oddly domestic. Imagining Sirius beside as they cooked dinner, picturing him skipping down the grocery aisles, hoping to one day see Padfoot and Snuffles curled up in front the fire just like their owners. 

Which is what led to Remus now having to make sure his smiling mask didn’t crack as Sirius talks about his date last night with Caradoc, an adoring look on his face. 

And Remus felt stupid for never considering that Sirius would be going on dates. Why wouldn’t he? He's gorgeous, charming and intelligent. He had a beautiful dog and even more beautiful arms. But hearing about it now felt like a kick in the guts. Why couldn’t he be braver? Then maybe he could be the one Sirius was glowing about. Alas, he was a coward through and through.

“... and then he walked me to my door. Which is totally the bare minimum but still sweet. So yeah, that was him. Should I text him back?”

No.

“Yes! Who would have thought you would meet your future husband at the pet rescue?” The irony is not lost on Remus.

“Moony, don't get ahead of yourself. It was one date!”

That was new too. The nickname. Sirius had learnt about the moon tattoo on his lower back and was so impressed ‘a guy like Remus was tatted’, that he had created a whole name around it. Remus pretends to hate it, if only to hide the warm feeling in his chest every time Sirius uses it.

“It was one date that is making you smile like that. ” Sirius’s smile turned sheepish. “I think you should definitely give it another go,” he lied. 

“Well if you say so… I’ll message him when I get home. Don’t want to waste my Saturday Moony Time.”  He nudged Remus’s shoulder and it burned. “Who knows, it might not even go anywhere. But I think you would really like him.”

Remus hated him. 

But Sirius looked so happy sitting next to him at the dining table in James and Lily’s apartment. So Remus puts on a smile and forces himself to make a genuine effort. It would be terribly selfish to allow his own silly feelings to stop himself from being happy that his friend found someone. Someone that made him laugh and smile like that. 

Caradoc was charming and playful, his dark brown eyes holding a cheeky spark. He was smart and, unfortunately, him and Remus had lots of similar interests, something that Sirius keeps bringing up. Remus understands that he just wants his friends to get along with his… Date? Boyfriend? Remus wasn’t sure of the label. But he was sure that he would never be able to get close with Caradoc. 

Nonetheless, dinner was a delicious affair. Lily and James had worked wonders in the kitchen, going all out to produce a full Sunday roast with crispy roast potatoes and silky gravy. The wine was in steady supply and with each drink Remus had to be more and more conscious of hiding his true feelings. He clearly wasn’t doing a good enough job as Lily cornered him in the bathroom. Or maybe Lily just knew him better than most. 

“Isn’t Caradoc lovely?” 

Remus looks up and catches her knowing look in the mirror as he washes his hands. How did she even get in here? 

“Of course he is, Sirius wouldn’t choose anything less.” 

“Uh huh. And how do you feel about it?”

Remus places his hands on either side of the sink and takes a steadying breath. “I think… that Cardamom is a good man who is going to make Sirius very happy. And I’m happy for him.”

Lily steps into the bathroom and closes the door behind her, giving him a scrutinising look.

“Re…”

“What?” 

He knew what.

“I see the way you look at him. I get it. I would love him too if he was straight and James wasn’t in the picture.”

“Who said anything about love?” Remus replied far too quickly. He was really starting to hate this conversation.

“You’re eyes, darling.” Her tone had taken on a softness and she was now standing next to Remus. He was studiously staring at the ground. “You know, I think if you told him how you felt, you wouldn’t be upset by the outcome.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“Because he hasn’t stopped looking at you this whole dinner.” 

Remus looks up sharply at this. Lily raises an eyebrow. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I know more than you, since you haven’t looked at him once. Which by the way, please do. The whole kicked puppy look on him is starting to get a bit pathetic.”

Remus had been avoiding looking at Sirius so far, but only because he’s scared that he’s going to blurt out that he hates Sirius’s almost boyfriend. That would be quite uncouth and may reveal some of his feelings which he has been working very hard on repressing. Wikihow has been very helpful in that department. 

“Oh hush, he doesn’t look like a kicked puppy just because I’m focusing on my dinner. It’s probably because Carrot top is so painfully boring.” 

“You just said you liked carro- Caradoc!”

“I lied.” 

He didn’t. Carport was actually quite a nice man. He was also a threat.

“Remus. I know you have the emotional range of a teaspoon. Sometimes it can be endearing. But right now it’s frustrating. If you want Sirius to be with Caradoc then fine! Let him! But don’t you dare come moping to me about it.” She leaves in a huff. Remus exits the bathroom behind her to come face-to-face with Carnival who is looking at him with a raised eyebrow. Realising how that might have looked, Remus decided to do some damage control. 

“She was just popping some of my back pimples. If you have any, let her know!”

As he is halfway down the stairs, Carbon calls out after him. “My name is Caradoc, by the way. Seems like you forgot it in there. And you might want to remember it, I’m going to be around for a while.” He gives a knowing smirk at the end. Remus runs. 

 〰 ☪ 〰 ✸ 〰

Next Saturday, Remus is anxious to go see Sirius. They haven’t spoken since Wednesday night dinner and he is worried that Carpet said something to Sirius. He barely slept the night before and was shaking so much he drops both apology drinks on his walk to the park, making his socks even more damp. He feels quite pathetic. 

Coming up over the hill, he sees that Sirius is sitting on the bench looking out onto the field, a contrast to how active Remus usually finds him. This just sets him more on edge and he finds his stomach dropping just a little more. 

Letting Snuffles go to run with Padfoot, Remus turns and sits on the bench leaving a considerable gap between them. He’s afraid that sitting any closer would make him melt into a puddle of anxious goo, only to be washed away down the storm drain. And that wouldn’t be a pleasant way to go. 

Sirius turns and smiles at him, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes like it normally does. So Remus wasn’t wrong in feeling anxious. Something is up. 

“Hi Remus.” Oh no. He hasn’t called him Remus in weeks. “How are you?” Their conversation is never this dry, but he’ll go along with it. 

“Good thank you. How are you?”

An (adorable) furrow appears between his brows, “I’m… thinking.”

“About what?” Remus’s nail beds begin to bleed with how hard he is picking them. 

“Caradoc asked me to be his boyfriend this morning.” 

Remus can feel the backs of his eyes burning. Of course he was too late. Carabiner had warned him. But he plasters on a smile and tries to be happy for his friend. 

“How wonderful!” Sirius’s face makes it seem like this is not wonderful. “...What did you say?”

“I said I would think about it.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. And then I came here.”

Sirius came here . He came to Remus . This wasn’t doing any favours to his already unstable heart. It allowed him to imagine things he knew weren’t feasible. 

“Because I’m not sure what to say.”

“Won’t you say yes? You’ve been seeing this guy for a while now.” Remus adamantly refuses to use his name.

“I have, but what if there was maybe something else? What if choosing one means losing the other?” Sirius is looking at Remus so intently it’s a surprise he hasn’t caught on fire. His head is spinning, he doesn’t know how to feel. It’s like Sirius is trying to tell him something but he can’t figure it out through the fog in his head.

“I think,” he starts slowly, “that you shouldn’t pass up something good. You deserve good things.” 

He doesn’t know what he’s saying. But clearly he has said the wrong thing because Sirius’s face has just gone impossibly sad. His lips turn at the corner and his usually bright grey eyes are downcast. “So you think I should say yes?”

Everything within Remus is screaming no. But he nods, thinking of the genuine joy on his face at dinner and when he talked about their date. 

Sirius swallows and looks ahead. “Then I will be his boyfriend. And I will be happy.” He sounds like he’s convincing himself. 

Feeling as if this whole conversation has gone the worst possible way, he tries to bring up the mood by incessantly asking Sirius questions about Carcass. However, Sirius just seems to withdraw with each question until they are both sitting in silence for far too long. Eventually, Remus feels like crawling out of his skin and pretends to check his phone as an out. Standing up, he brushes invisible dirt off his pants and clears his throat awkwardly. “Well I best be off. Same time next week?”

Sirius barely spares him a glance. “We’ll see. Caradoc might want to do something that day, to celebrate us being official.”

Remus hasn’t been punched in the guts before but he imagines this is how it feels. Not once has Sirius ever cancelled one of their walks. Not wanting to cry in front of him, Remus walks up to Snuffles, clips his leash and speed walks out of the park, only tripping over once. 

When he arrives home, he lets Snuffles free to roam and makes himself a cup of tea. Climbing the stairs, mug in hand, he enters his room just as the first tears fall. Sirius was probably with Caramelised right now and here he was crying because he thought he was being selfless in letting Sirius be with him. For once, he wished he was selfish. 

A knock at the door bought him out of his rapid spiral. A small, hopeful part of his brain thought it was Sirius but when he opens the door, he is met with a fiery ball of Lily Evans. Without even any salutations, she storms into his living room and whirls around on him. “Why on earth have I just listened to a phone call between James and Sirius, where Sirius was saying Caradoc is going to be his boyfriend because you told him to?”

Remus imagines that he looks like a deer caught in headlights right now. A pathetic deer. Robe wrapped loosely around his body, mug clutched close to his chest and tear stains on his cheeks. The fire in Lily’s eyes extinguishes. “Oh babe…”

“He was so cryptic and then he asked whether he should accept. And I said yes because that’s what I thought he wanted. Then he got quiet so I left and now I’m here.” His voice wobbles at the end. Lily wraps him in a tight hug, bringing him immediate comfort. 

“Do you think maybe he was trying to get you to ask him instead?”

It was like time stops around Remus. All at once, he replays the conversation and all previous flirtation like it was a film reel. Sirius’s emphasis on 'something else'. Did he mean him? Did all the touches and compliments mean the same to Sirius as they did to Remus?

He pulls back with a gasp. “How have I been so stupid?”

Lily rubbed his arms. “You’ve been in your Remus Lupin self pity pit. Light and logic don’t reach very far in there.” 

Collapsing back on the couch, he put his head in his hands. Lily sat next to him. “How do I fix this? I don’t actually want him to be with Caravan.” His voice was muffled and sounded as small as he felt. 

“I think it’s time you told him the truth.”

Rain thundered down on the pavement as Remus ran up the front steps. Even the short journey from his car to here had him drenched. Thunder clapped overhead, drowning out the noise of Remus’s desperate pounding. The gold number 12 glints back at him. After several knocks with no response, Remus turns down the stairs and paces up the street before turning back, before turning once more. He feels electric like the lightning in the sky. Just as he’s about to concede and head back into his pity pit, he hears the squeak of door hinges. Spinning around, he sees Sirius on his doorstep, looking all kinds of rumpled, like he had just been woken from a deep sleep. His eyes are bloodshot and his arms are crossed over his chest. Remus adamantly does not look at his biceps. “What do you want?”

“I want you to say no to Caradoc.” Remus practically shouts at him. “I want you to say no to him and yes to me. I never want you to be with anyone else. I’m sorry I’m an idiot. But could I maybe be your idiot?” The rain hasn’t eased off and Remus wipes the water from his face. In his haste to get to Sirius first he forgot to put a jacket on and is now freezing his bollocks off. But he feels none of that as he looks into Sirius’s eyes and awaits his answer. 

“You are an idiot. I don’t know how much more obvious I could have been. I practically begged you to tell me to say no to Caradoc!”

“Lily says I have the emotional intelligence of a watermelon. But I’m working on it. I want to work on it for you. Since that first day at the shelter, everything has been for you.” 

Sirius is slowly walking towards him now. “Everything?”

“Everything.” Remus breathes. 

Their lips are so close now Remus feels faint. Thankfully, Sirius’s hands have found their way to his waist and hair and he has never felt more supported in his life. Sirius leans down to close the final gap and-

Bliss. 

Sirius’s lips are warm compared to the frigid rain, his hands are large and comforting and Remus is dizzy on the heady feeling. Opening his mouth slightly, they deepen the kiss. Remus has never been kissed like this before. He thinks about where Sirius learnt this and then quickly dismisses the thought. He does not want to imagine Sirius touching anyone else like he’s touching Remus. He wonders if Sirius noticed the tightened grip on his hair. He feels as if nothing could bring him down. 

Except for the wall of water that just crashed down over his head.

Pulling away from Sirius, gasping for two reasons, he wipes his eyes and looks at the car that was driving away from the now splashed puddle. He swears he can see dark brown eyes watching him in the mirror. Bloody Caraway. 

Belly laughing, Sirius pulls him into a hug, and for once Remus lets himself breathe him in fully. He then ushers Remus inside, saying something about getting warm, but all Remus can think about is that Sirius is finally his. 

Later on, showered and dressed in Sirius’s sweats, Remus feels like he is in a haze of happiness. But one thing is stopping him from relaxing completely. 

“Why did you always look so happy talking about Caradoc if you were never interested in him?”

Sirius, dressed in similar attire and snuggled right up against Remus, looks into the distance. “He was a nice guy.” Remus snorts. “No really, I enjoyed the date. But I never had true feelings for him. I guess it was nice to be pursued…”

Remus feels a stab of guilt and looks up ready to apologise but Sirius is already waving him away. “No, no I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just, the day he came into the shelter I was having quite a pathetic pining day. You may even call it a Sirius Black pity party. And then he came in and made a move. I guess I was just feeling vulnerable and he stopped that for a moment. I told you about the date to make you jealous.”

“It worked. But what about the dinner? You were radiating joy the whole time.”

Sirius looks at him like he has grown an extra head. “Moony,” Oh, how happy he was to hear that again, “I was joyful because it was our first time eating as a group; us, James and Lily. The whole time, I couldn’t help but imagine a future filled with double dates like that. Honestly, Caradoc being there had little to do with it, as bad as that sounds.”

“You know, I do feel kind of bad for the guy.”

“Don’t feel too bad. I have an old school friend, Benjy, who I think is a much better pairing for him. He can take him and I get you. Everyone’s a winner. Although, I definitely get first prize.”

Remus is so overcome with adoration for this man that he has to kiss him. He wonders at what point the fireworks stop. He hopes they never do. 

 〰 ☪ 〰 ✸ 〰

Saturday morning, Remus wakes with his usual 8am alarm. For a moment, he is prepared to jump out of bed and start doing his extensive routine before seeing Sirius. But then he silences the alarm and rolls over into the warm body next to him. Expanses of skin covered in black ink greet him. Sirius rouses but Remus shushes him, placing gentle kisses over his face. “It’s still early.”

“But I have to get to the park to see my favourite person.” Sirius’s morning voice is low and rumbly. 

“You mean this whole time, you weren’t coming to see Snuffles? He’s going to be heartbroken.” The dog in question whined from the floor, where he was lying intertwined with Padfoot. 

“You’re right, it’s not his fault that his owner is the most gorgeous man alive.”

Remus still wasn’t used to that, compliments from Sirius. No other man he's been with ever did, but it was a nice change. All of it was. 

Last night, an extra chair was pulled up at Remus’s dining table where a meal of pasta was served, the ingredients bought together as they walked hand in hand. Sirius had brought over a framed photo of them and the dogs, which now sat proudly above his fireplace. There was laughter and talking all throughout the evening. And as Remus laid his head on his pillow last night, he found that his bed felt a little too small for once. 

Remus Lupin was no extraordinary man. But being loved by Sirius Black sure made him feel like one. 

Chapter Text

“Have yourself a merry little christmas…”

Frank Sinatra's voice croons from the small radio atop of the mantle. The room is bathed in soft morning light, enhanced by the warm glow of the twinkling Christmas tree lights. Sirius sits in front of the tree wearing a Santa hat over his wild curls. He's let it grow out over the past few years and Remus never hid his love for it. The floor is strewn with colourful wrapping paper, and opened gifts lie everywhere. Hope and Lyall sat together on the couch, Remus in the armchair and Sirius was playing the role of Santa, handing out gifts. Padfoot and Snuffles are lying in front of the fire in their new beds. Sipping on his earl grey, brewed in the new kettle Sirius had bought him, Remus looks on as his mother opens the final gift. It was a jarring kit to help with her latest hobby, jam making. She is thrilled to receive it and Sirius winked at Remus. 2 years together and it still made his heart skip a beat. 

After the excitement of presents dies down, Sirius stands to start collecting the discarded paper. Remus takes the time to reorganise the remaining gifts, ones for their friends and other relatives. Pushing baby Harry’s frankly obscenely large pile next to Caradoc and Benjy’s gift, Remus notices a small box left beneath the tree with his name on it. Sitting back on his heels he examines the simple gold wrapping paper. Turning his head to ask Sirius what it was, he notices that the room has gone very still. Sirius is standing near him with a nervous smile on his face and his mum is trying to conspiratorially film on her phone. A jittery feeling begins stirring in his gut. 

“Open it.” Sirius encourages softly. 

Gently and with shaking hands, Remus starts to peel back the wrapping paper to reveal a small oak wood box. Looking up into Sirius’s eyes, he feels his suspicions confirmed. Sirius reaches for the box and cleares his throat. 

Then gets down on one knee. 

He looks up at him, Santa hat askew and hope in his eyes. Remus reaches for his hand not holding the box to ground himself and let out a tearful laugh. 

“Remus,” Sirius says emphatically, “2 years ago you were just another name in my appointment book. Then you were a homophobe. Then you were my best friend. And I will forever be grateful. I look into the future and all I see is you. Everyday, you challenge me to be the best version of myself. You support me through my darkest days and together we’re just… Well, we’re pretty damn perfect together. I get so excited thinking about spending the rest of my  life with you. So what do you say? Will you marry me?”

Sirius is nothing but a blurred blob through Remus’s teary vision but he nods his head. “Yes, yes, of course yes.” The last bit of the sentence is muffled into Sirius’s shoulder. His parents cheer in the background. Pulling away, Sirius thumbs gently beneath Remus’s eye and for the first time, he can see the tears on Sirius’s face too. He pulls him in for a kiss and another hug. “It’s a yes in every lifetime, fiancé.” Remus whispers into the skin just beneath his ear. 

“Can I at least give you the ring before you go throwing titles like that around?”

Remus’s eyes widen and look down at the box Sirius was holding between them. He had completely forgotten about the ring, so completely blinded by his love for Sirius, something that happened often. 

Softly clicking open the case, Sirius reveals a platinum silver ring nestled in a navy cushion. Little diamonds are embedded along the top of the ring, glinting in the light. Remus holds out his left hand and splays his fingers. Sirius, with slightly shaking hands, slips the ring on his finger. The weight feels right, like it was always meant to be there. Turning to his parents, who were sitting proudly on the couch, Remus lets himself do a little happy dance before embracing them both. He feels like love was bursting out of him in rays. 

Later that night, sweaty and sated between their shared sheets, Remus rolls over to cuddle into Sirius, relishing in the skin to skin contact. Once Sirius turns off the lamp, they both said their goodnights and snuggle down. Making sure Sirius can feel the cool metal pressed into his chest, Remus whispers into the darkness. “I cannot wait to get married to you, Sirius Lupin.”