Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was scorching hot outside. Not that you knew for certain. You were not allowed to leave the house. Your room was hot, but manageable. Just an old creaky bed, nothing else. There used to be paint on the walls, now just flaky bits here and there. A dirty window above the side of your bed was covered with brown curtains. Curtains that you were not supposed to open. People of the Dhalmekian republic were kissed by the sun. At least your father is. You however, had paler skin. When was the last time you were in the sun? Your bones were visible, and your white hair unkempt. Dhalmekian people were supposed to be warm, hard working people that made the best of their sandy situation. “Y/N!” Your father’s tone was harsh, and you knew you had angered him. You’re not sure what you did wrong, but you were about to find out. Exiting your room, you looked at your father, sitting at an old wooden dining table. It creaked when you leaned on it. “Ten years! Ten years you’ve wasted my time. And still you’re unable to make dinner correctly for your hardworking father!” He raised his hand, and you instinctively flinched, looking away. It must’ve been a rough day, as he normally didn’t hit you this hard. You stood frozen to the floor, heart rising in your chest. The taste of copper in your mouth was unpleasant, but you didn’t say anything. “Do it again. Properly this time.” He commanded. You nodded, feeling your shoulders sag.

After your father ate in silence, you were happy to take his leftovers. Since you took up the task of cooking a few years ago, you turned out to be quite the chef. At least with the handwritten recipe book that was always in the kitchen. Your father had read some of it out loud to instruct you. Cooking was the height of your day. Mostly because your father left you alone while you made food, so you could explore flavors and new dishes all on your own. Or at least get creative with the little food you had in your home. Sometimes the pantry would be full, and that was the highlight of the month. “Clean up when you’re done.” He said, before he went to take a bath. You were allowed to go after him, as long as you weren’t in the way. 

Day in, day out, it was always the same. Spending the day in the house, cooking, cleaning and the occasional beating. You clenched your fists as your father exited the room. You were small and had no way of standing up to him. Yet. The bruises on your arms were still fresh, and you couldn't remember them anymore without purple and yellow spots. It was becoming increasingly hard to bear.

I’ll get you one day. I swear to all the gods above. The day will come when this stops and I get to go outside. When I get to do whatever I want.

That night, you dreamt of building sand castles. A full palace, just for you. Where people greeted you when you walked in, and smiled at you. They taught you how to read, as the scribbly letters still didn’t make sense to you. They offered you beautiful dresses because you only had an old garment to wear every day.

When the sun peeked through your curtains, you opened your eyes. They quickly glazed over as your dream was magnificent compared to the day ahead. 

– three miserable years later –

Your thirteenth Name day was not something to be celebrated. Once again you had dreamed of a huge cake with your name on it. With people congratulating you and smiling at you. You once made a cake for your 9th Name day. You were bedridden for a week. “Don’t get close to me, you fucking brat! I lost my wife because of you! I could’ve been rich, having the status I deserved!” He screamed at you, this early in the morning. “I could’ve joined the Kupka family! Instead, I’m stuck here with you.” He once again turned towards you, with disgust in his eyes. It felt weird to admit, but you were used to it. After thirteen years, you were used to it.

“...I..” You started, feeling like you should apologize.

“Who said you could speak?!” Your father roared, standing up from his chair. You noticed that he had already finished the food you had made for him. “It’s all your fault!” You flinched, but this time your father was faster. In a few quick steps, he approached you with a raised fist. “I hate you.” He whispered, before his rage rained down upon you.

“You can do better than this girl. Hate him more.”

A voice ringed in your head. You didn’t know where it came from, but you agreed with it. That day you swore you’d escape. You were going to live. And so you did. In the middle of the night, the bleeding still hadn't stopped, but you were getting out of here. You waited until your father was asleep. Putting some extra alcohol in his food was a good idea. You easily stole the keys of the front door from his bedside table, and ran off into the darkness.

– Thirteen years later, the present –

“And that's how I lost my eye.” You told the man in front of you a story of how you lost the organ when losing a bet with a rich merchant. The man in front of you laughed. His pockets were full and he drank enough booze.

“A knife trick eh? That’s some dangerous business.” The man replied, his voice slurred. A smirk appeared on your lips, as you tucked a strand of hair behind your ears. Just as he was about to take another sip, your accomplice robbed him of his wealth. He was distracted by you, and the scar over your right eye. Your father had beaten you so badly, your eye never saw the light of day again. The skin had been messed up, and a friendly doctor had patched you up.

“So that’s why I resort to other tricks now.” You stated, grabbing the man's attention once more.

“What kind?” He asked, curious. His cheeks were stained red, and his eyes glazed over. The drug you put in his drink was working perfectly.

“A story for another time.” Standing up, you bid your victim farewell, exiting the Sanbreqian bar. 

Returning to your rendezvous point, you met up with your crew, who was already waiting for you. “Took you long enough Y/N! We have already collected some good coin.” Dio greeted you with a smirk. He was a hard ass, but the one who accepted you in his squad after you wandered the desert. The doctor that helped you was an accomplice of his, and introduced you to him. As your skin burned, not being used to the sun, he took you in and taught you the ropes.

“My bad, I was enjoying my time a bit too much maybe.” You replied, shrugging.

“This one's pockets were filled to the brim though.” Cassian replied, your accomplice. The only one of Sanbreqian origin. He took special pride in his blonde hair, styling it just like the crown prince. Funny that he always had to cover it up on the job.

“Let's go back to the hideout, I'm tired.” The final member of this little band added. You looked at Trevor, a Waloedian ex-soldier who had enough of getting orders.

“Yeah, let's meet up with the others.” Dio confirmed, and all of you made your way back home.

In the last ten years, you had made a secret hideout on the border between Dhalmekia and Sanbreque your home. Stealing from the rich, it didn't take long for your room to be filled with treasure and ornaments fancier than your father would ever have. You had become a full fledged part of the team in the last five years or so. Before you trained, learned the trade and supported it. You put pleasure in the fact that you had a better life than your father. You did what you wanted, when you wanted. And if someone disagreed, you punched them until they didn't. You came a long way from the frail girl you once were. Looking at yourself in the mirror, you nodded approvingly. You flexed a muscular arm, checking if you were still strong. No one in your room could tell you otherwise. Your white hair had grown just past your shoulder and you took good care of it. Your father hadn't allowed it to be this long. The band of thieves taught you everything about stealing, poisons, fighting, and there was even the effort done to teach you how to read. That effort fell short, as none of them had very educational backgrounds. You didn't care. These people were your family. And so, you helped them dine like kings. A knock on your door helped you out of your thoughts. “Y/N. Cassian is cooking, you better help him out before that bastard fucks it up.” Trevor was on the other side. His gruffy voice was recognizable enough.
“Sure, give me a sec.” 

“I think it's good now.” You turned towards Cassian, after adding a shitton more spices. “Even though the chicken is overcooked.” You added, a hint of disappointment in your voice.

“I'm sorry alright? I didn't do it on purpose.” Cassian replied, hoping the rest of the group wouldn't chew him out. “In any case, thanks for helping out. I owe you.” He was grateful, so you accepted his apology and served the food with him after you did a final check. 

The banter and singing of songs during dinner was still weird to you. Eating alone in your room had been a habit for the first years, until Dio had forced you to join the rowdy festivities. Then you just drank yourself silly before eating. “Nice work today everyone! We almost collected a million gil this month! We can do better!” He shouted, already tipsy. You smirked, putting food on your plate. Something in the back of your mind however, made you feel uneasy. Turns out you were right. 

The months that followed were increasingly more violent. Not only did you rob people, but were also instructed to beat them half to death when they didn't pay up. And when you realized these people were hard working citizens that earned their money the earnest way, you had protested. And just like that, your family turned on you. 

—

Your back felt like it was on fire. You should've run instead of protesting. The chains dug deep into your wrists, while your knees were scraped from the cold prison floor. How did you even get in this position? Right, you found out your little thief group not only stole from the rich. It shouldn't really have come as a surprise. You ignored the signs for years. When the money kept pouring in but there were no new rich people. And when you started to question Dio about it, you received a fair warning. “Don’t ask questions. Just do as I say.” Stupid as you were, you kept up being annoying and they branded you like a traitor. Whipped you like a dog until your back was fully coated red, and your voice was gone from screaming. The dungeon was cold in just your smalls. You gritted your teeth. You didn't regret speaking up. Bullying the weak is what your father had done. Is what they were doing. Never again. You thought they cared about your opinion. But you hadn't considered this as one of the consequences. “I don’t care about you. Only the money you bring in. You should’ve kept your mouth shut and did as I said. Worthless woman.”   Dio’s face was branded into your mind. You'd get him for this. 

“You deserve better. All that hate can be put to good use.” 

Surprised, you looked around to see where the sudden voice had come from. “....” Are you going crazy? You let your head slump in defeat. You didn't expect them to turn on you like that. Then again, you hadn’t expected they would be killing innocent people and rob poor people of the little gil they had. You thought you knew these people. Past events played through your mind until your body decided you needed rest. Your eyes grew heavy, and you passed out.

The commotion in the hideout went unnoticed by you. “Who the fuck are these people?!” Dio screamed, as he quickly gathered his most important possessions.

“I don’t fucking know.” Trevor growled, barking orders to others in the meantime. “Hold them off.” He shouted at some new members of the Jaded Dagger. 

“How nice that we amassed so many members that we can just let them deal with it.” Dio said approvingly. A thunderous roar echoed through the cave hallways.

“What the fuck was that.” Trevor said, tensing up and looking back at the flashes further down.

“There’s a Dominant among them.” Dio replied, closing his leather bag. “Let’s go, I don’t want to find out who’s got it out for us. We’ll live to fight another day.” He ran out the doorway, Trevor following him.
“Aye.” 

“You might want to lessen the thunder, before you bury us in this forsaken cave.” One of the intruders mentioned to his partner. Clad in imperial armor, wearing a brand on his cheek and a sword almost as big as himself, the man looked back.

“Don’t worry so much Clive. I know what I’m doing.” The other was just as tall, clad in black and purple with two swords resting at his hip. “...Well, most of the time.” He grinned. The man named Clive sighed. “Let’s go before they escape.” Both men went further inside the bandit hideout.

“Are these the thieves that robbed Goetz?” Clive asked as his enemies lay defeated in what seemed to be a dining room.

“Must be. Jaded Dagger? Saw their symbol on tapestries.”

“Alright. How about we split up here? There are multiple hallways here.” Clive suggested.

“Sure. Meet you back here. Shout if you need me.”

“Will do, Cid.”
With the empty hallways, I didn’t take long for Clive to find the only person that was left behind. His eyes widened in shock when he found a Dhalmekian woman that is currently chained to the rocky walls. “....Cid!” He took a step closer, as you didn’t seem to be conscious. His eyes fell on the gashes and torn skin, the wounds they inflicted on you with a damned whip.

“..Well, well, well, you’re lucky Clive, you found something much more interesting than Goetz’s luggage.” Cid appeared in the prison cell door with an amused smirk on his face.

“...Interesting is not the word I was looking for.” Clive replied, still looking at you with worry. Cid glanced over the room before finding what he was looking for.

“Here, hold this will you.” He handed over his luggage and approached the woman. “She’s a fighter. Seems like this little adventure was worth it after all.” Clive watched as Cid freed you from the chains and draped your clothes on your front so as to not ruin them with blood. He didn’t care that his own gloves were soaked, as he lifted you from the ground.

“S-should I carry her?” Clive suggested, still surprised with the decision. Even though he had noticed your apparent muscle, he was hesitant to just take an unconscious woman with them.

“I’m not that old. Let’s just go back to the Hideaway.” Cid replied, observing the other man. 

---

A week had passed before Cid was informed that you were awake. Tarja, the woman who had tended to you since your arrival, was incredibly friendly. Feeling overwhelmed, you forgot how to talk and only nodded when she asked how you were feeling. “..I…uhm.” You stuttered, looking around.

“Good to see you’re awake.” The man appearing in the doorway had a heavy voice. “Don’t worry, you’re safe here. We brought you to our hideout when we found you in the Jade Daggers cave.” You nodded in response to the man’s explanation. “I’m Cid, by the way.” Both Cid and Tarja were waiting for you to speak.

“..Thank you for getting me out of there. I’m Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. Feel free to rest up and whenever you’re ready, come to my solar to talk about how you got into that predicament.” Cid replied, before smiling and turning to leave.

“Wait!” You exclaimed, your own volume surprising you. Cid turned around, looking at you. “I was one of them.” You started. “I don’t think you want me here.” An amused smile played on his lips.

“Don't worry, I can think for myself. Everyone deserves a second chance. Just knock on my door when you’re ready.” The answer surprised you. Cid turned around and left. 

Chapter Text

When Clive returned from his mission and wanted to report to Cid, it seems like the solar was already occupied. He heard an unfamiliar voice, and figured that it was you. So, he quietly waited. He didn’t want to eavesdrop, but was too interested to back away.
“They rescued me from the desert, sixteen years ago. I didn’t have anywhere to go, and Dio took me in. He was just like me. Abandoned, set on making a better life for himself. So I joined his group. They taught me how to fight, how to make influencing drugs, and steal.” There wasn’t really pride in your voice. “I did what I had to survive. We only stole from the rich and the evil…” Your mind trailed off. “Or so I thought. The others had no problem stealing from the poor and the weak. I went against them and got punished.” You stated, making sure you weren’t resting against the chair with your back, sitting across from Cid. He had listened intently.

“It took you that long to figure that out?” Cid asked, eyebrow raised. You fell silent.

“....I didn’t want to see it. They were the only people I knew.” Cid noticed how you didn’t say family. Or brothers. You clenched your fists. “If I see any of them again, I’ll kill them. I’m done with those assholes.” The rage on your face was nothing new to Cid.

“We can help you find them.” He offered.

“You can? Why would you help me even more than you already did?” You asked surprised.

“I think there’s more you can do than stealing.” Cid replied, lighting up a cigar from his pocket with a crystal lying on his desk.

“Fighting or cooking?” You asked.

“Oh? You can cook?” You nodded in response, a small smile on your lips. “Then what are we waiting for?”

It didn’t take long before Cid introduced you to the kitchen, its staff, and the hungry people waiting for their dinner. As you got to work, Cid took a table and had pulled Clive with him. “You can give me your report now if you wish.” He started, a smile on his face.

“It can wait. What’s going on here exactly?” Clive asked, looking around.

“Y/N can cook. You weren’t listening? How virtuous of you.” Cid responded, observing you from a distance. Clive sighed, and followed Cid’s gaze. He just wanted to retreat for the evening. Then his eyes fell on you. You seemed lost in thought as you started at a batch of potatoes. And then you smiled. “...Not so virtuous after all.” Cid grinned, seeing Clive stare. His gaze didn’t leave you as you asked some kitchen hands for help.

Cooking for this many people was new, but you would very much like to show what you’re capable of. Sparring wasn’t really a valid option right now, so a tasty meal would do. Fortunately, this hideout was well stocked on Dhalmekian herbs and spices. “Uhm. Can you help me with the potatoes?” You asked the person closest to you.

“I’m Yvan.” He introduced himself once again. “Of course. What would you like me to do?”

“We’ll make a stew. With this many people it’s easiest.” With a handful of careful instructions, you set Yvan to work before starting on the vegetables. This stew was going to be the best one they ever had. Bursting with flavor. Then you’d be useful. You stopped in your tracks. 

Useful? 

Your fists clenched in annoyance. 

I don’t want to start all over again. These people look happy. And when is the last time someone helped me out like this? Not ever. Dio turned on me. Even though it’s only a matter of time before Cid does the same, I’ll make the best of it. 

For the rest of the process, you just focussed on your goal. You were in your little happy place, tasting and trying out your creations every step of the way. With a final touch of salt, you carefully put the stew in two deep plates. “Yvan, can you serve everyone else?” He nodded in response, and you walked over to Cid and Clive. They had an extra seat for you at the table. So, without further ado you placed the food in front of them and sat down. Resting your head on your hand, you expectedly waited for them to taste. Your green eye met Clive’s blue ones, and there was a twinkle in his.

“What did you make?” He asked, hiding his amusement somewhat.

“A stew of my own creation.” You smiled, not giving him anything. At least that’s what you thought. The blush that was creeping up on his cheeks told Cid enough, but he just shrugged and grabbed his spoon. Your gaze shifted to Cid. “....And?” He had tried his best to hide it, but you already smirked when you saw his eyes widen after he took a bite.

“...Damn. This is… fantastic.” Cid said, looking surprised. For Clive, the meal tasted like home. The specific herbs used were not like anything found in Rosaria, but the warmth it gave and the intense flavors reminded him of the best cooking he had when he was little.

“ This tastes really good. Are you not having any?” He asked you. Surprised by his question, you flinched.

“...I’ll have some leftovers later.” The reply struck Clive as odd, but he didn’t dwell on it. He still had a lot to do before he could turn in for the day. For now however, he enjoyed his break.

While you were still recovering, you often assisted in the Ale Hall. Old habits die hard, so when it was time for your meal, which you only took after everyone else, you retreated to the infirmary and sat behind your bed to eat in private. Tarja had observed your behavior for some time, and even now she had a worried look on her face while tending to the other patients. “Are you sure you want to eat over there Y/N? Ale Hall is a much better place to-” She started.

“No thank you.” You didn’t elaborate. Your mind already presented you with an unpleasant memory. 

“I don’t want you near me while you eat. Do it later.” Your father looked at you in disgust when you went to sit across from him at the table. A kid of six years old doesn’t understand, so you just did as you were told.

And so, twenty years later you still refused to eat with other people. You learned to drink with them and pretend you were normal. Eating however, you would much prefer in private. You continued your meal, and Tarja gave up.
Until she met Clive the next day. “Good afternoon Clive. How’s it going?” Clive nodded, stopping to speak for a bit.

“Fine. Almost done with the preparations. I sure hope Cid knows what he’s doing with that Mothercrystal.”

“I’m sure he does. He’s been trying to destroy one for years. His goal is set. And the Blight is only getting worse.” Tarja replied, understanding Clive’s concern.

“You’re probably right. How is Y/N?” He asked, noticing that something was off when he mentioned your name to Tarja.

“She’s recovering well, but she always eats alone behind her bed.” Tarja quickly scanned her surroundings to see if you weren’t approaching. Besides two sleeping patients, the infirmary was empty. “I tried to join her a couple of times, but she just goes somewhere else. Kenneth also confirmed that she never eats with them.”

“You want me to look into it?” Clive asked, a little concerned.

“If you could, that would be great. I'll make it worth your while.”

“And how is Jill?”

“Still resting, but I think she'll wake up soon.”

The next time you tried to eat behind your bed, Tarja approached you again. She had her own food in her hands, so you immediately knew she was trying to eat with you again. You didn’t dare to outright refuse her, but you felt your heartbeat rise in your chest. “...S-Sorry, I need to go.” You quickly excused yourself and darted past Tarja with your bowl of food. You didn’t even notice Clive following you when you perched down at your extra spot behind the tree in the makeshift garden. The guy tending the plants was weirder than you, so he didn’t mind you sitting there. Not even two spoonfuls in, someone approached you again. You were about to stand up, when he raised his hands.

“Don’t be alarmed, it’s just me.” He didn’t have any food with him. Realizing that your food was going cold, you sighed.

“What do you want.” It came out harsher than you intended, and you saw his eyes widen slightly. You desperately wanted to leave this awkward situation.

“Mind if I sit next to you?” He asked, ignoring your uneasiness. “...I just have a little problem I could use your help with.” He added. Seeing that you were receptive to helping others, he removed his sword and sat down next to you. Resting his back against the tree, he stared forward, leaving you be. You withheld a sigh. You’d lost your appetite anyway. Even though Clive was slowly starting to explain his problem, you weren't interested.

“..I…Uhm. Sorry. I got to go.” You stammered, leaving your food behind as if to appease the predator that disturbed your meal. Was there another spot where you could be alone?

Clive just watched you go, surprised and confused at what just happened. “That one doesn’t like to be disturbed.” Someone said to him as he was tending to the plants.

“...I shouldn’t have done that.” Clive realized.

This was not your hideout you realized. There was nowhere for you to be by yourself. “Oh. But Cid is away.” You thought. You made your way to his solar, and went inside after you checked it was empty. Closing the door behind you, you sank to the floor, releasing a withheld breath that you didn't know you were holding. “What am I doing….” This was a first. It was never this bad.

“...Are you okay?” A voice startled you from the other side of the door. Clive. “I didn't mean to upset you like that.”

“N-No. It's okay.” Slowly, you took a deep breath and stood back up before opening the door. Looking up, you stared at his worried face.

“Can I come in?” He asked then.

“Uhm?”

Why would he ask that? He's been here longer than I am, I'm pretty sure he can do whatever he wants.

You stepped aside. Clive walked inside and leaned against the desk, his hands resting on the wood. “Tarja is worried about you.” He started. You still stood at the door opening. There was plenty of space between you.

“I'm fine. She doesn't need to worry about my eating habits.” You replied, crossing your arms.

“I never said anything about your eating habits.” Clive replied, smiling slightly. A bit too smug for your liking.

“I prefer to eat alone.” You settled for that reply.

“I don't mind strong preferences.” Clive replied casually.

“I just can't. I lose my appetite if I'm with people.” You said, opening up a little. Otherwise he would bother you again.

“Oh. That must be lonely sometimes. Sharing a meal can be quite the bonding experience. Then again, so is drinking.” Clive thought back on the feasts with the Shields. Their merry singing and glorious storytelling over good food. You observed him.

“Lonely? Please, I like being by myself.” You sounded too wistful, you didn't even believe yourself.

“Okay.” Was Clive's only reply. You sighed. “Feel free to use my room when you want to be by yourself. I'm almost never there anyway.” He continued, and you looked up at him in surprise. That was kind of him. Maybe too kind. Warily, you looked at him. 

Oh shit. He’s honest. He’s serious about lending me his room.

Becoming quite the liar yourself in the past decade, you could spot one a mile away. Clive however, was either an extremely good liar or an extremely honest person. Time would tell which one it would be. You felt obligated to give him something in return. “I…”

What should I do? I never had a conversation like this before.

“Thanks. That is incredibly kind of you.” You started. “Let me know when I can help you with sparring.” Clive raised an eyebrow.

“Oh so you were listening back there.” You withheld a sarcastic comment.

“Yes I was. I panicked, but I’m not deaf.” You slapped yourself mentally.

“Good to know.” Clive replied, with a small smile. “Well, I’ve got to go, but I’ll know where to find you next time.” He walked past you, towards the next job on his list. 

It turned out that the lady that had been sleeping next to you was an acquaintance of Clive that he had rescued from a now finished war. Being a Dominant, she had joined him on his errands. It made you restless, and helping in the kitchen was no longer keeping you busy enough. You were almost fully recovered, so you decided to pay a visit to some new people around the Hideaway. “Hello. I’m Y/N. I heard you are the blacksmith around here.” The man whacking away at a piece of steel looked up. A grumpy expression was an understatement.

“You see anyone else working with metal here, girl?” You grinned. This was more like the conversations that you were used to.

“So, are you any good?” You asked, relishing in the change on his face.

“Good? I’m great. I’m the best you’ll find around these parts of the world.” He replied, his brow furrowed.

“This Hideaway is not that big though?” You replied, getting carried away.

“Are you here to annoy me? Or did you actually want something.” He growled.

“I’m in need of new weapons. I lost my old ones… When-”

“You have the materials?” He interrupted you, not interested in your past.

“Uhm. No.”

“You can buy them with Charon.”

“...I also don’t have any money.” You replied, realizing that you were ill prepared for this request. “Do you have a list of materials you need for two daggers? I can make a drawing of how I would like them to look.” Seeing as the blacksmith couldn’t get rid of you, he handed you a material list and a piece of paper for your drawing.

“Not bad.” He replied after you gave him your wishes. Happy with the result, you smiled.

“Alright, I’ll go look for the stuff you need.” Blackthorne, after realizing that he hadn’t introduced himself, also realized who you were. A thief. He would ask you where you got the stuff from after you returned. And depending on that he would decide if he liked you or not. 

He was surprised when you showed up in front of him two days later. “Here is everything you need.” You said, content with your mission result. Blackthorne looked at you, surprised. You had gotten more tanned, and your silvery white hair was up in a ponytail that reached your upper back. Moreover, some bandages adorned your lower arms, fists, as well as your neck and upper right leg.

“Okay, mind telling me how you managed to get all this?” He asked, crossing his arms. You pondered the question.

“So, I went to Boklad to get myself informed again of the bandit gangs that have taken up after the Jaded Daggers. Of course, there’s always some stupid group on the rise. Didn’t take long to find someone who they had stolen from, so I offered to help out if they could give me directions to everything that was on the list.” You started, enthusiastically telling him what you had been up to. “Then the longest part that I’m not gonna bore you with. I dressed up as a beggar, by uhm ‘borrowing’ some stuff on the market. And waited until one of them showed up there. I followed the guy back to their base…” You trailed off. Blackthorne raised his eyebrow again. “Let’s just say there was a skirmish and I walked out with some stolen goods and enough gil to buy the stuff I needed.” You shrugged.

“You gave Tarja more work I see.” Blackthorne said while taking the bag you brought from the table.

“That I did.” You scratched the back of your head.

“Bring her a nice warm meal will you? I’ll take care of this.” The blacksmith replied, the grumpy look never leaving his face.

“I will. Thanks.” 

You hadn’t realized Cid was back, and had been listening in on your conversation with Blackthorne. “Interesting one, isn’t she?” Cid noted, watching you walk over to the Ale Hall.

“A piece of work you mean.” Blackthorne replied with a gruff.

“Aren’t we all.” Cid said then, a smile on his face. Lighting up a cigar, he followed suit to the Ale Hall.
“Hey, Y/N. How’s it going? Heard you were up to some adventures.” Cid started hanging against the wood, close to where you were working.

“Yeah, you could say that. How have you been?” You replied, not wanting to tell Cid you went out on your own and were a little too excited to start fighting people again. Your body was aching for a rest.

“Clive will probably be back tomorrow, I’d like to see how well you fare against him in a fight.” You looked away from the vegetables back to Cid.

“How so?”

“Well, me, him and Jill have an important date with the Sanbreque mothercrystal, and it would be great if we had someone staying here to keep an eye out for things.” You weren’t sure if he was joking. Then again, you didn’t care if he was.

“Okay. Sure.” You shrugged. 

That night you dreamed of sandcastles again. This time, the people had faces. It seemed like everyone you had seen for the past weeks was hanging out in your sand palace. You were a kid in your own dreams, sitting on a sandy throne. You seemed to be enjoying yourself, until a giant shadow casted over your palace. 

Chapter Text

“Worked some overtime yesterday to get these finished.” Blackthorne said when you came to collect your daggers.

“Lady Charon already mentioned to me that I’m trouble.” You sighed with a wry smile. As a peace offering, you gave him packaged food. “Something to replenish your energy.” He took it with a raised eyebrow. It was the same hearty cake you offered to Tarja yesterday.

“Hah, wasting more of our pantry are we?” Blackthorne joked.

“I invite you to say that again after you tasted it.” You said confidently.

The blacksmith shrugged, a small smile escaping his lips. “Sure.” 

“There you are.” Clive appeared behind you, his tall figure casting a shadow over you.

“Oh hey. Welcome back.” You looked at him. “You look different. New armor?” You asked, your eyes falling to the deep cut of his shirt. Then quickly back to his face to not make things awkward.

“Yes. Turns out my father left it to me.” That must be nice, you thought. “Have you been sitting in the sun?” Clive asked curiously, changing the topic and giving you a once over.

“You could say that. Are you ready for some sparring?” You replied, while inspecting the daggers that Blackthorne had given you. He made them perfect to your specifications. The hilt was green, with the leather that you provided. Blades were sharp, the length of your underarm, with a little hook at the end, that you preferred to lace with poison for a particularly nasty opponent.

“You want to fight me with those?” Clive asked, comparing it with the huge slab of steel he had on his back.

“Heh. You’re really going to make me say it?” You say, shaking your head with a grin.

“What? I don’t-” You put the blades into the belt at your side. At least that was rescued along with your old clothes.

“It’s not about the size of the blade, but what you do with it.” You enjoyed the blush that crept on his face. The surprise in his eyes. “Oh so you do get it.” Adding to his uncomfortable expression, you smiled wider. “After you, I don’t know a good spot to practice.” The duality was not lost on everyone in the vicinity. Clive fell silent, just motioning to follow him. The mental battle was half the race, and you’re one step ahead. 

Just outside of the blighted area, Clive picked an open grass field on the north side of the Hideaway. 

Alright, he picked the field advantage. Fair enough.

He drew his blade in a smooth motion, standing about 3 meters away from you. You observed his stance while taking out your daggers. You had no information on this man’s past or his fighting history. Twisting one dagger between your fingers, you tested the balance and edge. “Start when you’re ready.” Clive said, waiting for you to move. That was your signal to shift into action. You sprinted towards him, trying to get close. You were faster than he expected, which gave you the advantage you needed to press your swift slashing attacks. 

I’m never going to win with power. I’ll overwhelm him with speed.

Clive dodged them expertly, keeping up with your attacks and looking for openings. You exchanged blows, blocking and pressing in turn. It took quite a lot of energy to divert the powerful blows that Clive was throwing, but it was nothing you couldn’t handle. In return, Clive was keeping up and sidestepped more and more of your attacks before finding the right time to counter. 

This man has been fighting his whole life. He swings that huge ass sword around like he was born with it.

You ducked, barely escaping the huge horizontal swing. “Watch out. I’m going to use magick.” Clive warned, which made you realize he was going easy on you the whole time.

“Heh, don’t hold back.” You could still do better. A fireball was already charged in his other hand, aimed at you. Rolling to the side, you evaded the hit before you had to play more defensive strategies to keep Clive’s attacks at bay. When he charged up his sword, you had to get creative. In a vertical arc, he swung down at you. The huge blast that erupted on hit blasted you to the side, even though you had avoided the sword itself. Flying back, you managed to twist horizontally mid-air, throwing a dagger at him before landing on your feet. While he parried, you charged at him again, overtaking momentum. In a feint, you dropped yourself into a slide, aiming to go underneath him to retrieve your other dagger while slashing his thigh. The grass made it easy, and he didn’t expect these kinds of moves yet. Retrieving your other dagger and jumping up, you threw it again. Clive turned around just in time to evade, but it earned him a bloody cut on his cheek. He didn’t respond to it at all, and swung in an upward diagonal arc to keep you at bay. When you stepped back, he pressed his attack and charged at you. After another sword attack as a feint, the fireball he fired hit you straight in the stomach. “Ugh.” You flew back in the air before ungracefully landing on your back in the grass. Your dagger fell out of your hands and you groaned in pain. Even though you had recovered, you were still stiff. The big steel sword was pointed at your throat. You looked up at Clive, whose expression you couldn’t read.
He put away his sword and reached out his hand to you.

“You were right. I underestimated the swiftness of your daggers. Size doesn’t matter.” With a defeated sigh, you took it after you grabbed your dagger.

“Let me try to put them on fire next time.” You joked, dusting yourself off. He took a pair of potions from his bag, and handed you one before drinking one himself. You drank one too, and the stomach ache subsided.

“You're pretty good.” Clive said, glancing over at you. You lowered yourself into the grass and sat down.

“You think?” You asked, not really convinced. He was too quick in getting you to the ground. “There's a reason why you and Cid easily dispatched my bandit group.” You lamented, seeing that you could never accompany the Dominants on their adventures. Then again, it's not like you wanted to be one. Being used for your abilities, enslaved or killed for what you are. “There's still room for me to improve.” You settled for that reply.

“I've been holding a sword since I was ten. I was going to be my brother's Shield.” Clive decided to sit down next to you after removing his sword. The grass field was serene. The wind blew softly, and the sun wasn't as hot as you were used to.

“That must've been rough.” You replied. A kid holding a sword at ten. Clive shook his head.

“It was supposed to be my destiny. Before I killed him.” You looked at him in surprise. “I turned into Ifrit and I killed him.” Clive looked down at his hands. You appreciate him opening up to you.

“First time priming takes you out of it, I heard.” You tried, not sure what to say. You were not the only one with a difficult past.

“Where did you hear that?” Clive asked, not expecting you knew such details.

“Kupka. I tried to mug him once.”

“Thief. I commend you for trying to rob me. It will not be the first time I prime and lay waste on innocent people because a bug like you tried to touch me.”

“A bit above my skill set.” You added. You learned from this experience, a bit less reckless. Clive listened while handing you a small hand of dried fruit and nuts. It was a bit random, but you absentmindedly took the handful.

“You look a bit like him.” Clive said, snacking in between.

“...I think I’m related to him in a way. Not sure. My father…” you trailed off. To distract yourself you ate some dried strawberries. “Let's not talk about that.” You said then. Clive nodded in response.

“How did you become such a good cook?” He didn't know that he failed to change the subject. Your hands clenched the grass and your expression tightened.

“A story for another time.” You deflected. You focussed on your snack, ignoring everything around you. 

Clive saw you go pale. Subconsciously you had turned your back towards him while eating in silence. “You can talk to me.” He tried, putting a hand on your shoulder.

“Don't touch me.” He felt how tense your muscles were and immediately retracted.

“What can I do to earn your trust?” He asked, a worried look on his face.

“Hah. I'm a thief. I don't trust anybody. I trust that everyone at some point is out to get me, Clive.” You spat out his name. “Like the Jaded Daggers turned on me, like my father beating me since the day I was born.” Your voice got louder, hatred pouring from your veins. You pulled the grass from its earth and threw it away in anger. These people had wronged you. They had broken you beyond repair and were still out in the world somewhere. 

“Become stronger, girl. Your time will come.”

The voice in your mind was heavy. You paid it no mind as you stabbed the dirt with your dagger. Then Clive forced you into a hug. “I had no idea.” He whispered, pressing you against his chest with his gloved hands. You had no idea what was going on. “You'll get through it. I'll be there for you.” Clive strengthened his resolve. There were more people with a bad past out there. They were struggling to live every day, just like him. 

You were not really sure what was happening. The tears staining your cheeks were yours. The warmth that was enveloping you, was not. You would be okay if this lasted forever. This peaceful moment. For a moment, you believed that you were safe. 

The walk back was quiet. 

It should feel good to open up to someone. I thought that would be the case.

Instead, you were worried that he was going to use that against you. How? No idea. But the moment you arrived back at the Hideaway, you said goodbye and went over to the kitchen to help. “How was your afternoon sparring with Clive?” The gray haired woman named Jill came over to you while you were gutting a fish. She was smiling kindly, and you gave her one in return. Just like you practiced.

“Pretty good! It's been a while, and Clive is incredibly strong, but I think I managed not to make it easy for him. At least the first minutes.” You replied, looking at her and doing your work at the same time. 

She seems nice. Probably Clive's girlfriend? Since they're together so often.

“By the way, we haven't been properly introduced. I'm Y/N.” You flashed a quick smile, unable to shake her hand as it was covered in fish guts.

“Nice to meet you, I'm Jill.” A little silence fell.

“Have you known Clive for long?” You asked then.

“Since we were kids, we got separated at Phoenix Gate, but I'm happy to be back at his side.”

“Oh, so you're his girlfriend?” You asked, giving her a sideways glance. The blush on her face was apparent.

“N-No. We're just friends. Good friends.”

“You seem like a good fit, sorry for asking.” You offered, realizing that it might be a one-sided love. Her smile got a bit strained.

“Thank you for saying that. That's very nice of you.” You smiled politely in return. Compared to you, she felt royal.

“How did you get here?” You asked, curiously.

“At the Hideaway? Clive rescued me from the Iron Kingdom when they were forcing me to use my powers for them.” Unlike you, Jill had no problem sharing. You envied her a little for that. “Can I also spar with you sometime? I'd like to get to know you better.” Jill asked, a little nervous. You stopped in your tracks. 

Me? Does she want something from me?

“Sure! Sounds fun. We can improve together.” You replied, taking her up on her offer. You pushed the wary thoughts aside.

“Since Cid, Clive, Torgal and I are going to Sanbreque in a few days, it might be good to train a little.” Jill added. She looked a bit worried.

“Oh yeah, to destroy the mother Crystal right?” You asked. It was the talk of the Hideaway for the past days. You weren't really involved with it, but seeing it was Cid's plan it was probably fine. Jill chuckled.

“You don't seem worried about us going to destroy the crystal at all.” 

You shrugged. “You're smarter than me. I'm unable to see the bigger picture in all this, so I trust your judgment on the matter.” Jill listened, unsure why you would sell yourself short like that.

“Don't underestimate yourself, I think everyone here values your input.” Jill replied, that friendly smile still on her face. The comment and her expression made you uncomfortable.

“...If you say so. Maybe if it’s food related.” You said, not sure why they would keep you around otherwise.

The next day you were back on the same field, this time with Jill, Torgal and Clive. Apparently they wanted to watch. You rolled your shoulders, before taking out your daggers. “Alright. I'm ready.” You announced. Jill nodded, and immediately threw ice magick at you. You were on the defensive, and did your best to avoid the spikes. You assumed she could go a bit faster, which annoyed you. As a result, you sped up and charged at her. Jill already had her sword in hand, ready to take you on. You exchanged blows fast and hard, trying to overwhelm her. Unfortunately for you, she had the experience to swiftly block your strikes.

Torgal barked excitedly. You changed tactics, hoping to bank on your dual wielding. First, trying to kick away a foot before striking her multiple times. Second, striking vital points with your fists to deplete her energy. As long as you stayed close you could do something. One arm to block her sword while the other wore her down. It seemed to work until she saw an opening. She froze your front foot to the ground the moment you tried to step back. Jill followed up with a cold blast straight to your face as you stumbled. With the change in temperature and your head hitting the dirt first, you were out like a light before you realized what had happened.

“Is she okay?” Clive asked, running up to Jill. She had put your head on her lap after she cleared the ice.

“...I went a little overboard..” She stammered, worried. “I panicked a little, she is so fast.” Jill added, checking your pulse.

“She sure is able to keep us sharp.” Clive replied, relieved to see everything was okay. 

“Oh. You're all still here.” You muttered, waking up after what felt like a nap. You looked straight at Jill, laying in her lap.

“Of course.” Clive replied.

“Are you okay?” Jill asked. You scrambled away.

“Yeah, no worries. Thanks for looking after me.” You were too sincere and Jill and Clive exchanged a quick glance.

Get your shit together. Stop being weak in front of them. It will get me killed.

You scratched your head. There was already a bump there. These people were insanely strong. “Thanks for the wonderful session.” Jill said, standing up. “I feel better about the upcoming mission now.” She added, and you nodded in acknowledgement. You didn't feel very helpful, but she didn't seem to be lying. You were surrounded by such honest people. The sun clouded over, so you all decided to go back. 

The Hideaway was bustling, but you were not needed at the moment. That was usually your queue to look for privacy, but instead, Cid appeared and dragged you into Ale Hall. “You're worrying me, kid.” He pushed you down on a chair and pushed a drink towards you.

“Who snitched?” You asked, looking around.

“Hah, everyone.” The ambiguous answer didn't help you. Then again, it didn't matter. You sniffed the drink. You took a big gulp after you deemed it safe.

“And you? You've been busy.” You said, diverting the subject from you.

“Of course, there's plenty to do around here.” He took a sip as well, observing you. 

These people need to give it a rest. Dio wasn't this nosy. Trevor and Cassian didn't care how I acted, as long as I cleared the targets. What does Cid want from me?

“You don't have to do everything by yourself, Y/N. It seems I have to tell multiple people that around here.” Cid started.

“Everything? I only help out with the cooking a bit.” You replied defensively.

“Blackthorne told me of your adventure. Could've asked me or Otto for help.”

“And then what? You've already helped me enough.” You countered. Cid shrugged.

“It seems like you don't trust us enough yet. That's fair.”

“It's nothing personal.” You replied. “I don't trust anybody. Because at some point, it always ends in the same way.” You said, looking straight at him. “I don't want to depend on others. Because at the end of the day, they'll let me down.”

Cid looked at you with a wry smile. “What can we do to change that?”

You raised an eyebrow? “What?”

“It’s incredibly difficult to live your life like that.” Cid said, as if he had experience.

“Ha!” You snorted in response. People around the two of you had started to pay attention to your conversation. “Difficult? It's been difficult since I was born. While I think most have it rough, they don't have the shitty cards I've been dealt.” Cid looked at your expression.

“Didn't Clive tell you how he might've killed his brother and was sent off to slave away for thirteen years as a bearer for the Imperial army by his mother? And Jill, who was captured and forced to fight against the Dhalmekian Republic as they threatened to kill kids? I think those are pretty shitty cards too.” That shut you up. “Most of the people here are bearers who their own parents gave them away to work until they die.” Cid explained to you calmly. The Ale Hall was silent as Cid reached for his drink.

“...I didn't know.” There was a lot you didn't know. Your sheltered upbringing had made you wistful and selfish.

“Don't worry, that's why I'm telling you. You just got here. But cooking a great meal and then sod off by yourself isn't gonna cut it here. Not with your skills.” Heat crept up your cheeks and you looked at your drink. However, you refused to flee the scene.

“I didn't know you had such high expectations of me, Cid.” You joked, even though it didn't reach your face. He reached out to touch your hand, but you instinctively retracted. You looked up. There was no malice on his face. No annoyance. No face of disgust.

“It's because I think you are capable. A rough diamond waiting for your time to be polished.” You fell silent, no idea on how to reply. Cid finished his drink and stood up. “We're here for you, Y/N. You can lean on us.” He squeezed your shoulder slightly before he turned around and left. That also seemed to be the queue for everyone else to leave you be for a moment. Until an unfamiliar person sat across from you.

“Nice fellow, eh?” His blonde hair was slicked back into three small tails. “But he spoke the truth. Let me know if I can help you with anything. I'm Gav.” You gave him a once over.

“Alright. Thanks Gav. I'm Y/N.” 

The night had you guessing yourself. Were you just weighing down everyone around you so that you felt better? That's no different than being a thief. By not trusting anyone, were you missing out? Cid's words spooked through your head. 

Should I give up on revenge? Should I change?

You pondered, but when the faces of the people who wronged you crossed your mind, you clenched your fists. 

No. They will pay. All in due time. 

For now it would be good to stay here. 

“Seems like I was not the only one having some thoughts this late.” You looked up over the counter of lady Charon. The shop was long closed, and it was a comfortable spot to sit behind.

“Oh, Clive. Don't tell lady Charon that I'm hanging out here sometimes.” You smiled wryly, afraid of her banning you from her supplies. He was not wearing his armor, just a linen shirt and his regular black pants and boots.

“I won't.” He replied, with his usual friendly expression. You kind of expected him to leave, but he didn't. Instead, he hung over the counter. “Anything you want to talk about?”

“...I don't know.” You slowly replied. “I'm just confused at this point.” You continued.

“Confused?” Clive asked in response.

“About who I am and what I want. With the freedom I'm getting here, I don't know how to act.” You stared ahead.

“What about being yourself for starters? You don't need to act.” Clive didn't move, resting his head on his arm while hanging over the counter. You bit your lip.

As if it's that easy. I would if I knew how.

Since the beginning of your life you had to please people. You were accustomed to putting on the right mask for the right people to just stay alive. The people of the Hideaway however, just looked at you weird. Whatever mask you tried, it didn't seem to fit here. You turned your body around to face him. If you were honest, cooking wasn't fun. Just safe. “I hate cooking.” You blurted out. That earned you a surprised stare. When you didn't elaborate Clive asked.

“Why do it then?”

“...I feel safe when cooking. I was forced to do it, and I got so good that I was just left alone while doing it. And the only time people could smile at me was when I served them a plate.” You let out a big sigh. Clive was silent, looking for words. “...That felt so nice. I never told anyone this.” You let out another sigh.

“Thanks for sharing that with me. I really appreciate it.” Clive replied, seeing you were honest. “I hope you learn to enjoy it at some point. Until then, don't let me find you in the kitchen.” He said, and laughed.

“I'll try? I’ll need to find something new to do then. But enough about me, why are you still up?” You smiled slightly, happy to shift the subject.

“I couldn't sleep, with our mission for tomorrow. I trust Cid, but it's quite the feat. I got a bad feeling about it.” Clive shared.

“Hmm. I can imagine. But with three Dominants, why shouldn't it work? The three of you are really strong.” You offered, not seeing how it could go wrong exactly. “I don't care about the crystals. If you believe they need to go, then that's the way to go.” You got up, sitting on the wood but keeping a normal distance.

“Alright. Thanks for your insights.” Clive replied, feeling somewhat relieved.

“No thank you. You have no idea what this means to me.” You were grateful, and relieved. They wouldn't find you in the kitchen tomorrow. Maybe it was time to start doing something else. 

---

After you woke up after a solid 8 hour sleep, you realized you missed Jill, Clive, and Cid's departure. “Ah, well. They'll manage without me.” You skipped the kitchen and decided to help out in the gardens today. It was quiet, and still somewhat food related. 

“And, how do you like it so far?” One of the assistants asked.

“It's pretty good.” You lied. You had no green fingers whatsoever, even though some plants would be helpful with your poisons. “Still, I don't see myself doing this every day.” You added.

“That's okay, I'll ask for you again if we need help.” She gave you a real smile. You nodded and gave one in return.

“That would be nice.” 

The day went by without a lot going on. The night however, turned out to be frightening. The ambush by Kupka’s army unit came as a complete surprise. The alarm bells rang you from your sleep. “Get to the escape pass! We're being attacked!” A familiar voice shouted, but couldn't see the person.

“Fuck!” You shot up from the bed and got dressed. In a hurry, you dipped your daggers in poison and stormed off.

The Hideaway was in a state of panic. Soldiers that wore Kupka's colors ransacked the place, while people tried to escape. Streaks of blood were splattered on the walls, lifeless bodies scattered across the wooden floors. You frantically looked around, looking for friend or foe. Screams drowned out your thoughts. Adrenaline rushed through your body as you kicked into action. Raising your arms, you sliced through every soldier you could find. You aimed for cracks in their armor and moved on, hoping the poison would do the rest. The closer to the necks, the faster they would go down.

“Get to the escape route!” You were sure that was Otto's voice. You hadn't talked to the man yet, a little afraid of his sternness.

“..Ufh!” In a small moment of distraction, a spear nicked your side. You saw Gav in the corner of your eye, holding more of the soldiers off. You slashed the thigh on the enemy in front of you and moved closer to Gav. He gritted his teeth, seeing the body count go up by the minute. “Go! I'll hold them off!” You shouted. He should secure a safe escape for the ones still alive, as you had no idea where to go.

In a flurry of adrenaline, you gave yourself over to your moves. Quick successions of slices, moving around and dodging attacks. See if you could hold out long enough for Gav to guide the other's out. See if you could prove to yourself you no longer were that girl being tossed around by her father. Prove to Cid that you had been worth saving. This was not a mission. No targets that would make your life better. Your arms were getting heavy as heaps of soldiers groaned in pain before their bodies turned numb and they fell to the floor, choking on their own tongue. You looked around. There was no end to them. The hallway was filled with soldiers. And you. Everyone else was gone or dead at this point. It happened in a flash. It dawned on you that you were never instructed on the escape route. “Heh.” You panted. “Why the fuck am I this stupid.” You were surrounded. They had waited until the three Dominants had left. And now they had waited until you were tired. They had the numbers. “Bastards.” You raised your arms higher, ready to attack the moment someone moved. Then your vision went black.

“Y/N…” Gav stuttered. “I looked behind and she wasn't there…” Gav shook his head, the guilt weighing on him. “She couldn't make it out because of me, and I just left her. Fuck.” Distraught, he fell down on his knees. Otto placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Both of you managed to hold out for so long, the casualties were minimal. You must realize that.” Otto looked around in the forest the survivors were huddled in. “Let's reconvene with Cid first and let's go from there.” His face hardened. No time to mourn.

—

You were still alive. Not sure why. Arms chained behind your back, you sat behind metal bars. The wound in your side stung, but otherwise you were quite okay. It was cold in this prison, so you huddled yourself into a corner. “Does anyone know I'm alive?” You uttered.

“Probably not.” A voice spoke up, and your head shot up. The man on the other side was huge. Of course as a former thief you recognized him. “I was surprised to find out you were at Cid's hideout.” Kupka continued.

“Why?” You replied, still wondering why you weren't dead.

“How does a faraway cousin end up as a pretty thief, and then at Cid's hideout?” He crossed his arms, looking down at you.

“Huh?” You stared at him in shock. “What is this about?”

“You felt familiar when you tried to rob me. So my people brought you back from the raid. They mentioned you killed quite a few of my men. Feels like hardly a coincidence.” Kupka replied, observing you.

“I have no idea what you're talking about.” You replied. It was the half truth.

“Fine. Be difficult like that. In any case, you're staying here until I'm bored with you. Make yourself useful and have Cid try to free you so I can kill him.” He elaborated, but not on the topic you wanted.

“They won't be coming for me.” You immediately replied. “I wasn't there that long.” You shrugged. “They don't know I'm here.” You added hoping to drive your point home.

“Hmmph. You're not very convincing. You killed so many of my men, and all I get is disappointment.” You raised an eyebrow at him. You didn't feel like you were getting out of this alive anyway, so you might as well provoke him.

“I'm not looking for another father. Just kill me now, to save both of us some time.” You replied, annoyance in your voice. Revenge was still on your agenda, but felt insignificant compared to what had transpired the past weeks. You knew that you had actually done something good. Not that it would hold up to everything you did the past years. This move was going to cost you, but at least you had hoped to live up to Cid's expectations. That you had protected enough people for them to rebuild somewhere. Not that you would be able to see that. But you felt relief.

“Heh. As if I'd let you off the hook that easily.” He grinned, seeming to enjoy your comment. “I'll come back in a month, see how you are then.”

—

Precisely as he said, Kupka returned a month later in front of your cell. He had let you marinate in your thoughts. And with the little food and drink you had gotten, you were constantly hungry. The woke you up at random times during the night, to make sure you were always lacking sleep. It has worn you down. “Well, feeling better?” He stared you down again, a smirk on his face.

“Better? In a cell? With how you've been treating me? Fuck you. You fucking tyrant.” You retorted, significantly weaker than last time.

“We can change that. You can work for me. I'd put your skills to good use.” Surprised, you stared at him. 

Use. He'd put me to good use.

Cid's face flashed through your mind. 

“A rough diamond waiting for your time to be polished.”

You sighed. 

It seems like that time will never be.

Clumsily, you stood up to face Kupka. He still looked down on you, but you crossed the distance. “I'd suggest you make my death flashy. So my enemies know I went out with a bang.” You were tired. You had enough. You angrily stared back at him with the remaining energy you had. He smirked.

“Fine. Tomorrow afternoon. If you change your mind, let the guards know. Living to fight another day seems like the smart option here.” He added. You shrugged.

“I wouldn't know.” You replied, hiding your rising heartbeat. This was your last day in Valisthea. Like the criminal that you are, it was spent in cold darkness. And for some reason, there was relief. 

You weren't able to sleep that night. The bags under your eyes were visible when they brought you into the light. A beautiful garden surrounded you, the lush greenery a stark contrast of the desert you were in. There was a chopping block prepared for you. You swallowed hard. Adjusting to the light, you needed a few seconds for your eye. A huge executioner waited for you. He grinned, brandishing his weapon.  Kupka was standing on a balcony, observing the proceedings. A group of soldiers guarded the perimeter. It was certainly flashy. Your legs were shaking, and someone behind you pushed you towards the block. You were pushed down, head placed on the block as a giant axe was raised above you. You closed your eye from the harsh sun, resigning yourself to your fate. 

“It seems like it is time.”

The voice in your head resounded. There was no time to think about its meaning, as the axe fell down. You would not be remembered for anything interesting. But you would take pride in finishing off strong with a good fight. It was enough. You had been hurt enough. You felt a tornado of energy flow through you. “NOOO!” Someone shouted in the background. 

Do I know that person?

Metal shattered. Screams and shouts in the background. The clanging of metal. Chaos, before your mind faded to black.

Chapter Text

“...Am I dead?” You muttered, as you groggily opened your eyes. You’re pretty sure you were in a bed, with two blurry people sitting next to it. As your vision sharpened, you heard a bark. Clive’s wolf. You blinked a few more times. Looking to the side, you saw the relieved smiles of Jill and Clive. The sand castle you’d thought you’d be in slowly changed to a makeshift infirmary.

“You’re awake!” Jill exclaimed, her smile widening.

“...What the fuck is going on?” You said, confused. Then it dawned on you. You were seeing through both your eyes. “By the Founder…” You usually reserved that for swearing. If there were gods in this world, they surely had forsaken you. Or so you thought. You inspected your hands, as if you could see something new on them. You turned to Jill and Clive to the right of you. Your field of vision was larger. You must’ve looked extremely confused, as both of them started to look worried.

“You’re at our new hideout.” Clive said, a wry smile on his face. “Gav told us what happened while we were gone… That you stayed behind. He went looking for you afterwards, but they couldn’t find you anywhere.” Flashes of the attack crossed your mind briefly. You sat up, your body sluggish but free of wounds.

“Okay. How did you find me?” You asked, not having all the puzzle pieces yet.

“Gav picked up your trail, and as soon as we returned, set out to find you.” Clive replied, standing up to stretch his legs.

“It took a while, but we heard about your imprisonment in Drake’s Fang.” Jill added. “We were right on time.” She added.

“I guess you were.” A wry smile on your face as you rubbed your neck. Then their faces turned serious. You could feel their gazes burn on you, and you refused to meet them.

“You don’t remember what happened.” Clive noted.

“You saved me right? Before my head was going to be separated from my body. I probably passed out from stress.” You laughed, a bit ashamed you were so casual about it. “I should thank you-” You stopped when Jill shook her head and Clive gave you a strained smile.

“We were right on time to see your powers awaken.” Jill corrected herself.

“You primed.” Clive added.

“I did a what?” You looked at them weird, no idea what they were talking about. 

What the fuck?

“You’re a Dominant.” Clive explained, feeling empathy for doing so. The fact that you didn’t remember any of it felt all too familiar. Jill however, raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t remember a thing?” She asked confused.

“A voice.” You replied. “A voice that’s been bugging me for years. I thought I was just going crazy.” You said, your gaze dropping to the floor. You must’ve been out of it for quite a while, as this infirmary was already settled on a wooden floor. “I am going crazy right? What Eikon would choose me?” Apparently, that had been the wrong question to ask, as they were just as surprised as you are.

“We hoped you could tell us.” Jill replied. She was smiling, but she was obviously worried about you. Clive sighed, scratching his head.

“...You’re pranking me right? Is this a dream? I can’t believe this is happening…” You turned inward, closing your eyes and covering your face with your hands. A headache growing. 

How can this be? I’m really dead aren’t I? Is this some afterlife that I’m forced to experience? This is wrong on so many levels… fuck.

“Wrong? It’s as it should be.”

The voice in your head rang. 

“I chose you. You, having experienced a harsh and dark past, who is now discovering a possible light and prosperous future. Balanced, as all things should be. The world is falling to the Blight, so I’ve decided to involve myself once again.”

Sounds good and all, but who are you? I thought all the Eikons already chose their Dominant. 

“Hah. You’re misinformed. There is another one Lost, but that one is not me. I was Hidden between Light and Darkness, healing and waiting on what was to come. I am Prometheus, the Eikon of Twilight.”

“Prometheus.” You uttered. Looking back at Clive and Jill, the puzzle that you had assembled was a mess. “I’m a Dominant of Prometheus. The Hidden Eikon.” You said, a bit more confidently this time.

“...I’ve never heard of that name.” Clive replied, shaking his head. That fact made him even more worried.

“Me neither.” Jill added.

“...Same here.” You said, shaking your head. You settled back into the bed, suddenly quite tired. “Eikon of Twilight? What does that even mean?” You asked, looking at them. You have never heard the word before. Or the name Prometheus for that matter. It seemed they didn’t either.

“Twilight is usually the moment just before dusk, or the moment right after dawn.” Clive started.

“But a Twilight Eikon? We need to do some research.” Jill nodded in response, more determined than you were. “Take your time and get some rest.” Jill said, not wanting you to exert yourself.

“..Alright.” 

---

The sun was going down, and you were restless. After enough sleep and food you were ready to explore your new environment. So after Tarja gave you permission to go out, you exited the infirmary. You froze, seeing the expanding sea in front of you. Dozens of fallen ruin particles sticking out. People were building this new hideout like there was no tomorrow. And in that brief moment of twilight, you felt power and a feeling of peace go through you. Like a scale that had been tipped, you could handle anything right now. “Oh Y/N! You're awake.”

“Hey Gav.” You replied, a dumb happy smile still plastered on your face.

“Did they get you some food already? I got you some apples.” He was excited to see you.

“Ohh thanks! I was hungry actually.” You gratefully took a pair of apples. They looked freshly picked.

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

“I'm alright. Thanks to you. I heard you were the one who found out where I was.” You replied, curious.

“Heh. It was just my job. But I was happy to return the favor after you got me out of there.” You could see he meant it. You didn't know him that well, but he was an easy read.

“...I appreciate it. However, do remind me to ask for the emergency exit of this hideout.” You awkwardly chuckled.

“I'll show you tomorrow.” He replied, with a smile on his face. He clapped your shoulder in a friendly way before passing you.

“Now, time to find a quiet place to eat these.” 

Since it was getting dark, the people had left the docks, except for a couple of cursebreakers standing guard. After you took the elevator down, you sat yourself at the edge on the left, admiring the view. You were happy to be alive. Even though you surrendered yourself to death back there, it was such a relief you were still standing. You could still get your revenge. And better yourself. You took a bite of your apple and sighed. “Why do I have to be a Dominant?” You wondered. What did it even mean? Were you going to be used for the shitty jobs?

“I sometimes ask myself the same thing.” Clive's voice behind you shook you from your thoughts. 

How does he keep finding me? 

“You do?” You asked, looking back at him slightly. He didn't move, admiring the same view from behind you.

“Yes. More often than I'd like to admit.” He said, scratching his head. “Is it okay if I join you for a bit?” He asked before approaching.

“Sure. It's not like I own the place.” You replied, looking back at the sea. You missed the strained smile he gave you in return. “How's Cid by the way? I haven't seen him yet. And the Mother Crystal?” Clive took off his sword.

“... You're looking at the new Cid.” You dropped your apple in the water.

“Is that supposed to be a joke? I don't find it funny.” You didn't realize how your comment stung until you looked at Clive who sat down next to you, legs dangling from the docks.

“...Neither do I.” A silence fell as you processed the news.

“...Uhm. That was rude of me. Sorry.” You said, not daring to look at him.

“It’s okay. The last month has been challenging, but we just have to press on.” He replied, looking ahead.

“Let me know if you need help.” You said without thinking. You looked at him, and he turned his head to face you.

“...I need help with that.” Was his immediate reply. He smiled slightly as he wasn’t ashamed to take you up on your offer like that. “Be prepared to accompany me, instead of hiding away in the kitchen. Which I might add, is still under construction.” You shrugged, as if you didn’t care about that.

“Alright. But before I’ll join, I need to finish up at least one loose end.” You said determined, staring at the horizon again. Clive made an educated guess. He leaned one arm on his knee, the other leg hanging off the docks as he looked at you sideways.

“Your father?”

“Yes. I need to see him. Go from there.” You clenched your fists, heartbeat already rising. You had put it off for years, always being busy stealing and getting stronger. As you never felt you could stand up to him. But being a Dominant has its perks. You weren’t going to deny that.

“I’ll accompany you.” Clive stated. He wasn’t asking, he genuinely wanted to be there.

“It’s not going to be nice.” You said, hoping he’d change his mind.

“I know. That’s why I’ll join you.”

---

You were a nervous wreck for a whole week until Gav returned. You were already waiting beside the elevator, to see if you’d recognize the blonde man. “I found his home. It’s like you said, Y/N. Old miner village, he lives there with his wife.” You froze. Apparently for too long, Gav's expression turned into worry. “Are you okay? You don’t look so good.”

“...What do you mean ‘his wife’.” Your throat was dry.

“I’m going to assume here that she is not your mother.” Gav replied with a hand on your shoulder. You just shook your head. “I’ll go get Clive. Here. I drew a quick map of the house you need.” He handed you a decent sized map with enough detail to make out where you had to be. No unnecessary stuff or descriptions that you couldn’t read.

“Thanks Gav. I really appreciate it.” He clapped you on your shoulder before leaving you with your thoughts. 

It didn’t take long to prepare and set off to your hometown village in Dhalmekia. There was not a lot of talking between you and Clive, or Torgal for that matter. You were too busy thinking about how this was going to go. Possible questions and responses played over and over in your head. When your village came into view, Clive noticed you were walking slower. He stopped before you and turned around. “Y/N. How do you want to do this?”

“...Uhm. I need to see him first. See how it goes from there.”

60/40 that I’ll kill him though. 

Still, you were looking for closure. Perhaps he had changed, and would apologize to you. “Should I wait outside?” Clive asked.

“Yeah. I’ll call if I need your help.” He nodded. As if you needed help talking to an old man.

—

“Oi. Can you speak?” A boy, older than you asked. You nodded. “Say something then. What’s your name?”

“Y/N.”

“Okay. I’m Dio. This is Cassian.” He pointed to a blond haired boy. The two boys were taller than you, and a little too close for your liking. Dio raised his arm, and you flinched in response. “Oi.” You opened your eye, seeing that he had stuck out his hand towards you. “Want to come with us?” 

—

Walking through the desert, you were a bit too nostalgic. Your confidence slowly seeped into the sand, and your shoulders sagged when you stood in front of the fated door. It was a different door than you were familiar with. Then again, Gav had already shown you that your father had moved to a different house with a new wife. “Y/N.” Clive pulled you to the side. “You got this.” He encouraged you, even though you felt like you didn’t deserve it. Why was that?

“Yeah. I have to do this.” Still, you weren’t going to let him down. Or yourself for that matter. Your knuckles hit the door three times. A minute before an elderly woman opened the door. You swallowed.

“Can I help you with something?” She was tanned, gray hairs and deep lines on her face. Her dark brown eyes shone in the sun, and her smile was warm.

“..Is Honza here?” Her face lit up, indicating a yes.

“Yes he is, would you like to come in?” Your daggers were purposefully hidden from view, but you couldn’t believe she’d let a stranger -or rather a thief- like you in. Dazed, you followed the woman inside. “Honza, dear, there’s someone here to see you. She looks quite like you if I might add.” She led you into what seemed to be their living room. Old and worn furniture, but more than you were accustomed to. The decorations here and there were not lost on you.  When your eyes fell on the old man sitting in a soft, weathered red colored chair, you froze. There was no doubt that it was him. His face showed surprise, and recognition. Your feet were stuck to the floor, as you saw his face contort in anger.

“Why did you let her in?” He spat, looking at his wife.

“Dear… It’s your daughter right? I wouldn’t close the door on her.” He looked back at you. “I’ll leave you two to it.” The wife said, and exited the room.

“Why are you here.” He snapped.

“...I came to see you.” You replied dryly.

“How dare you show your face here again after running away.” He said, his face hardening. So far for a healthy conversation. “I fed you, gave you a roof to sleep under… Even though-”

“Even though you hate me.” You finished the sentence for him. This man was nearing his 70s, and still there was a sharpness and venom to him that brought you right back to fifteen years ago. “You abused me. Why’d you expect me to stay?” You asked, trying to get the closure you needed. You needed these answers. There was only a small lower wooden table in between you and him. You had no intention to move.

“Abuse? How dare you. You backtalked so often I didn’t see any other way.”

“What?” You felt anger boiling inside of you. “What the fuck are you talking about? I had to learn how to talk properly after I escaped!” He stared at you, with narrowed eyes.

“You’re still an ungrateful brat, I see. Too bad I lost financial support when you left, but I didn’t miss you a single day.”

“....Why couldn’t you just love me?” Your question was more like a whisper.

“Love?! The moment you killed her, I lost it. I lost all of it. It's your fault.” His voice lowered, and you could see a hint of sadness. You slowly exhaled, your heart beating in your throat.

“So I was alive for money?” You finally asked. Honza looked back up at you.

“No doubt about it. I would've killed you otherwise.” As if he had flipped the table himself, you kicked the damn thing to the side. Armor appeared in plates on your arms, white on your left, black on your right. Your pupils got a silver hue, as a silver energy started to surge around you. This time you were conscious when you primed. You grew in size, destroying the roof of the house. You grabbed your father with your white hand, lifting him up. 

Clive looked with widened eyes at what happened in front of him. Prometheus was about the same size as Ifrit, he guessed. One side of your appearance was black, with sharper edges to the armor like body that he has. A red eye and a menacing smile, while the white side was softer. A blue eye with a warm smile right from a statue. The white armor body was detailed, with rounded edges and wavy decorations on it. “Ifrit… Come to me.” Clive pleaded, not sure what was going to happen. But he saw the person you crushed in your hand. Then your black armor summoned a scythe. Clive's eyes widened. That was new. Both the eyes glistened dangerously. Prometheus dropped the person, slicing the crushed body with its summoned weapon. The silver purple energy emanating from it was downright eerie. Ifrit didn’t come, and Clive clenched his fists. Prometheus stomped the house to smithereens, before tearing into its neighbors. Clive watched in horror while he drew his sword and sprung into action. 

He threw magick at you with precision, trying to get your attention. Prometheus swung the scythe at Clive, which he blocked with his sword. The force of the attack however, pushed him back several meters to the side. “Y/N!” He shouted. That seemed to do something, as the scythe disappeared. “Y/N! Snap out of it! I know you’re there!” Prometheus looked at Clive for a moment. Silver energy surrounded the Eikon, and you appeared again. Standing on top of the crushed and split body of your father. His wife lay a few meters away. Several people were screaming, running away. Tears were streaming down your face. Clive sheathed his sword and ran towards you.

“HAHAHAahaha…..” You laughed menacingly, a heavy burden falling off your shoulders. “Fuck you. For everything.” You had tried the adult way first, before resorting to the thing you had always wanted. You stared at the collateral damage.

“Are you okay?” Clive's voice reached your ears.

“...Yeah. Thanks for that.” You exhaled, centering yourself before stepping off your father’s remains. You forced yourself to look. It wasn’t a pretty view, two mangled corpses between pieces of wood and dirt. Of what used to be their house.

“So.. I’m assuming talking to him didn’t work?” Clive asked, trying to get you to talk.

“...Not at all. Surprisingly, it only made it worse. Not very great to know that you were kept alive because it earned him money.” You shrugged. You had basically been a bearer in everything but name. “He could've slapped a brand on me and no one would know the difference.” You said, not realizing how morbid your comment was. Clive stayed silent, his hand absentmindedly touching his mark. Now that he was gone, it was time to move on and focus on new things. Clive looked at you. The world was a shitty place, and Clive knew better than to say something right now. You were surprised he seemed okay with this. You were surprised that you were okay with this. It was such a relief that you had done this, you couldn't care less about the collateral damage. Would that come later? You quickly searched your father's pockets to find a big fat gil pouch. You smirked.

“Let's go.” Clive said, grabbing your arm and pulling you off your father's remains. “Leave that for the people of the village. So they can give them a proper burial.”  You hadn't even considered that. It seemed like the proper thing to do, so you listened to Clive and left the pouch behind. Even though you wouldn't have if Clive wasn't here. The thought crossed your mind to take it while Clive wasn't looking, but decided against it. You did what you came for.

The way back to the hideout was silent again until you spoke up. “Why are you not asking questions?” Clive raised an eyebrow in response.

“What?”

“You just went along with me, let me go and kill people, no questions asked?”

“Uhm.” He smiled slightly. “I'm here to help, not to ask questions. If you want to talk about it, or not, is up to you.” He added, looking at you at his side. It made you squirm. You were not used to this at all. You were used to orders. Used to report on everything you did. And shouting, not this nonchalant way of leaving it up to you. Even at the Jaded daggers you were not supposed to just go out and do whatever you want. Clive noticed your furrowed brow and stopped you for a moment. The sun was beginning to set, and it wouldn’t take long before you were back at the hideout. Back at the hustle and bustle. You removed his hand from your shoulder as gently as you could without alarming him.

“I’m fine.” You said. “Just tired.”

“...Are you really?” He asked, and the question surprised you. You guessed it was not like Clive to call out the lazy lie like that.

“..Not physically.” You replied. “I think the last months have been a bit much.” You looked at him, seeing if you'd given him enough to stop looking at you like that. 

Yeah, no chance.

“A bit much? That’s quite the understatement.” Clive replied as he started walking again. “...I saw you had given up at Kupka’s.” He said, looking straight ahead when you followed his path. “You weren’t resisting them at all.” Clive said, and you felt a hint of disappointment in his voice.

“...You were the one shouting at me.” You realized. Clive was there, probably with Gav, Jill, and Torgal to get you out. Even though they’d been a tad too late, they were there. You hadn’t been buying time whatsoever. Your gaze lowered, as you kicked a nearby rock away from you.

“...Yeah.” Was the only response from Clive. Lying would get you nowhere.

“I thought it was enough.” You started. “I did what I could at the hideaway, and I figured no one would know I was still alive.” You continued, not sure where to look, as long as it wasn’t the broad shouldered man next to you. “I was okay with going out like that. It felt pointless to resist anymore after a month of that prison. I was barely getting any sleep, and the food…” You shook your head. “Never ate so much spit from guards before.” You didn’t mean to say that in Clive’s presence. Of course you were not treated like a guest there. But it was weak of you to show that it had actually done something to you.

“I’m sorry. We should’ve been there sooner.” Clive replied immediately, looking for your eyes, but you averted your gaze in time.

“No, don’t say that. I should’ve been better. Less of a burden on you.” You said, a silent promise to yourself.

“Y/N…” Clive was searching for words. “You’re not a burden to any of us. We would have a lot less people at the hideout if it weren’t for you.”
Clive took your silence as acceptance. 

Chapter Text

Just like sunset, dawn was a refreshing moment for you. At these times, your power felt strongest. The moment you were outside these times, you felt safe and reinvigorated. It was also the time where not a lot of people would be out of their beds. Except for Otto. You never knew when that man would sleep. Probably never. “Out here again huh?” He spotted you on the docks as he finished up the first delivery of the day.

“Same to you.” You replied, giving him a practiced smile.

“I feel like you’re mocking me every time you give me that fake smile.” Otto said, observing you. It made you turn around and look back up at him.

“Uhm, excuse me?” You said defensive.

“You heard what I said. Not everyone here is as gullible as you think.”

“I don’t think anyone here is gullible.” You replied, as Blackthorne and Charon crossed your mind.

“Alright. I guess I made assumptions. Well, since you’re just sitting here, can you help me out with the next delivery?” He got you there, so you gave him a strained smile. But you got up anyway. Time to get to work. 

After two hours of intensive labor, Otto came up to you again. As you wiped the sweat from your brows, he handed you something. “Here’s something for your trouble.” He looked pleased with your work. Getting the right items where they needed to be wasn’t really that difficult.

“I don’t need a reward.” You protested.

“Has Clive been rubbing off on you? Just take it already.” Otto replied, raising an eyebrow. He handed you some crafting materials and a small bag of dried fruits and nuts. Apparently, it was written on your face that you liked those.

“Thanks Otto.” You smiled as you inspected your reward.

“Heh. Come find me if you’re bored again.” Without waiting for your reply, he went back to work. 

—

It took over three years to rebuild the new hideaway completely. It was bigger, and better accommodated for the people that were living there. It just took a bit more time to reach it, compared to before. Which leads to the fidgeting you were doing now. For the last year or so, Gav had inspired you to do some scouting missions. First together with him, then some solo stuff. With you being a Dominant, you were not very stealthy to begin with. However, your thieving past caught up to you here, and it turned out you were capable of handling some rough situations that were unsafe for Gav. Quite the niche situation you found yourself in. So when you returned from your official trial yesterday, you had to wait for Gav and Clive to return as they had some business to attend to after they supervised your trial. 

They’re making me wait on purpose.

You huffed, as you were sure they were stalling. You were already nervous as is. “Hey. Don’t just stand there fidgeting.” Charon called out to you. “Help me out if you’re going to do nothing but stand there all day.” She knew exactly why you were nervous, but chose to put you to work anyway. You exhaled, surrendering yourself to her demands.

“Sure, what can I help you with?” You approached her in a few steps.

“Find Goetz for me will ya? He’s preparing a delivery but he’s running late.”

“I’ll bring him.” You replied, hoping the task would give you some distraction. 

You asked around the hideaway, until you found your target at the infirmary. Tarja was tending to one of his wrists. “Hey, what happened?” You asked as you approached the two. “Lady Charon is looking for you Goetz.” You said as you looked at him. Even sitting on a bed made him only slightly shorter than you.

“I.. uhm. Sprained my wrist when carrying some items out for delivery.” He looked ashamed, seeing that he had disappointed Charon once again with his tardiness. Tarja was already healing him, so you assumed it wouldn’t take that long for him to get back to his duties.

“I’ll let her know. Take your time okay?”
You made your way back to Charon, and informed her of the situation. “Heh. The clutz. Can you take over the delivery though? It needs to go to Martha’s Rest.” That would mean leaving the hideaway for maybe a day or two. You were probably going to miss Gav and Clive. Internally you weighed your options.

You sighed, before meeting Charon's gaze. “Sure. I can do that.”

“I'll make it worth your time.” She replied, pleased with your answer. 

You packed your stuff, minimal as possible, and left for Martha's Rest with most of your bags filled with packaged goods for Martha. 

---

Charon checked the time when she saw Gav and Clive enter the hideout. “She was supposed to wait around here.” Gav started.

“Wait? She left a couple of hours ago.” Charon replied, surprised that they would make you wait that long. How could they make a lady wait?

“To where?” Clive asked, approaching her with a curious gaze.

“Martha's Rest.” Charon said curtly, not willing to give in to his smile.

“What's she doing there?” Gav asked, raising an eyebrow. He figured you were eager to learn how you’d done.

“Doing a delivery.” Charon said, before returning to her business.

“Alright.” Clive said, feeling that Charon was the one who gave you work. “We did make her wait too long.”

“Hey, you were the one who still wanted to help out that merchant that was attacked by bandits.” Gav retorted, shrugging with a smile on his face.

“The roads are safer for it.” Clive replied, crossing his arms in slight defense.

It took you a bit less than three days before you returned. Later than expected, but Clive had put off tasks outside the Hideaway until you had returned. His eyes widened when you returned covered in dirt and dried up monster guts. “What happened to you?” He asked, more amused but also slightly worried. “Wasn't it just a delivery?” He added, as he closed the elevator door for you.

“I fucking wish.” You snorted, not even smelling the dirt on you anymore. “Martha asked me for a small favor, there was this carpenter guy that needed help….” You started, making a beeline for the sleeping barracks. “A morbol appeared, I almost got eaten, I don't even know how many times monsters ganged up on me the past few days.” You arrived in front of the ladies barracks, where you slept with the other women. “Anyway. I'm back, and I desperately need a bath. Talk to you tomorrow.” You closed the door before Clive could reply.

“She's out like a log.” Tarja confirmed, and Clive sighed. The sun was still out, so you must've been exhausted. “I replaced her clothes, the one's she was wearing were unsalvageable.”

“Thanks Tarja.” Clive replied grateful. After a bit more checkups and small talk, they both finished up for the day.  

---

You woke up at dawn, having slept for way longer than you're used to. Your eyes fall on the new set of clothes lying on the edge of your bed. White long sleeved shirt, curved neck. Then there's dark green leather pants with black calf high boots. 

Wow. Nice. Someone must've made these for me.

Grateful, you got dressed.

No wounds. So it worked.

—

“You've gotta be kidding me.” Your eyes widened as you looked up at the monster rising from the swamp. Not a place you planned to be in, but Martha had effectively put your skills to use. 

Damn this. I wasn't even supposed to be here. Thanks Goetz.

The Morbol screeched, and you could almost feel your ears bleed. Seeing that you weren't going to defeat this massive, poisonous monster with your daggers, you clenched your fists. Apparently size mattered when you were up against huge monsters. Prometheus his powers surged through you, and your arms gained familiar armor plating. One white, one black. In your black armored hand, a scythe appeared, as if chosen by Death itself. You dodged an incoming ball of poison, and got to work.

Each slash that hit, you felt something in your body. And the monster weakened. 

Am I stealing its life force? 

Still, the Morbol was tenacious, his green features covered in poisonous gas. Its tendrils sliced you on your legs and sides while you tried to get close. The power you had stored was used automatically, and a warm energy courses through your body. 

—

Not long after, you had defeated the monster with a powerful close range slash. You had stolen some kind of life force from it with your weapon, that had healed your wounds when you needed it. Your clothes had been hopeless, but that was not really a concern if you came out unscathed from a fight like that. After inspecting your body, you had time to admire the clothes. With a smirk on your face, you headed out to find some food to eat in silence. 

Not trying to jinx the silence, you ate slowly, trying to keep quiet while savoring each bite. The sun was slowly rising on the docks, and this moment of utter bliss was fully appreciated. The waters were quiet, reflecting the sun rays in a beautiful sheen. 

“Clive mentioned I could find you here. I heard you smelled like a Morbols arsehole.” Gav snickered, happily seeing you had cleaned up.

“Shut up, I know.” You replied, relieved that you had already finished your meal. “Whaddya want?” You asked, mentally preparing for a new Morbol on the road.

“Join me to Clive's chambers okay? We still haven't given you the result of your trial.” You froze. 

Oh. I'd forgotten. Wow. 

Your heartbeat rose and you felt your body tense up. “Alright. I didn't know you were both awake already.”

Gav sighed. “Yeah, Otto was snoring. Felt better to just get up. And Clive, well, you know how he is.” You nodded with a chuckle before getting up. You followed Gav to Clive's chambers, where he was waiting for you already. He had the red book in his hands that you were tasked to steal from a settlement of imperial guards. “We're here.” Gav announced, joining Clive. You stood on the other side of his desk. It felt a little formal. Old habits die hard as you unconsciously puffed out your chest and your expression hardened.

“Alright. Sorry for the wait, Y/N.” Clive replied, looking at you as he put the book back on his desk.

You shook your head. “No worries.”

Clive smiled slightly, before his face got serious again. “Me and Gav observed your trial. Nice infiltration, clean kills. Even that wyvern they put you up with.” You nodded along with the compliments they were handing out. Definitely nice to hear. “And you brought back a red book that we asked for.”

Alright, I worried for nothing. I got this.

“But not exactly.” Clive then said. “While the book is red, this is not the one we asked for. We asked for their guard schedule logs. This is a book on the anatomy of wyverns.” Clive said, and looked at you on what you had to say. You awkwardly scratched the back of your head. You tried to look for excuses, but in the end you could only settle for the truth.

So far for being a good liar.

Looking back up at them, you already felt ashamed. “Sorry. I hoped I got the right one.”

“Hoped?” Gav raised an eyebrow. You spared each of them a glance before you lowered your gaze.

“Yeah. I can't read.” A silence fell, and you didn't dare to look at them. “Or write, for that matter.” You added, as you squirmed internally.

“That explains it.” Gav eventually said after he and Clive exchanged surprised glances.

“Then we'll just have to find you a teacher.” Clive said, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. “Can't have a scout who asks other people to read the messages.” He added, assuming that's how you got away with it so far. You awkwardly laughed in response, because that's exactly how you got away with it so far. “I know just the right person.” Clive stated, and you and Gav followed him to the shelves. A place you had avoided like the plague. There was an old man, reading a story to three little kids. When you approached, he stopped and looked up with a smile.

“Ah. Clive. How can I help you?”

“I have a new student for you.” Clive replied, ushering you forward. “Y/N needs to learn how to read and write.”

“Y-yeah.” You stuttered, as Clive had pushed you fully out of your comfort zone.

“Oh that's nice. It might seem daunting for now, Y/N, but I promise you, there are beautiful stories waiting for you on these shelves. And being able to experience those is a wonderful skill to have.” Harpocrates replied, the kind smile never leaving his face.

“What? She looks old like Cid, but she can't read?” The kids whispered, and you felt your cheeks go hot.

“There is no age set for learning a skill. You are never too old to learn, and we should continuously strive to learn new things throughout our lives.” Harpocrates explained to the children, but he gave you a friendly glance in between. Clive and Gav observed, satisfied smiles on their faces. 

And that's how your road to literacy started. For over a year, Harpocrates gave you children's books after he taught you the letters and numbers. Much to Otto's and Blackthorne’s amusement as you read about the greedy tiny monster that kept eating until there was nothing left to eat at the dining table. Your days started to consist of training, reading, and freeing Bearers whenever someone needed assistance. To Clive's amusement, you had to update him with letters for practice. Your handwriting was choppy, with easier sentences. Some mistakes crossed out, but never left in.

Hey Clive Rosfield,

I'm out on a mission with Jill, but she refuses to help me write this damned letter. Her writing is much nicer than mine. She says I need to write more to improve. Is this even readable? In any case, we freed a small group of Bearers, but none of them wanted to join. I'll keep trying. 

-Y/N

Clive smiled at the letter. She had dropped it off and left again for another job. He was just as busy, but for some reason he felt you should take it a bit easier. 

It became clear that no one wanted to join Cid the outlaw, the same who had destroyed a crystal. “As if I ever want to have anything to do with that damned arsehole. Leave us alone.” A Bearer told you, just after you and Jill went through all that trouble to save them for a slave trader. He spit in your face. “He's making our lives harder, not easier.” It's not like you had killed for nothing, but the anger you met with became unbearable. You silently wiped the spit off your face. And so, after spending three weeks on saving bearers, you returned to the Hideaway. 

“Can you do the report, Jill?” You asked, not in the mood to tell Clive of your failures. “Sorry, I need to be alone for a bit.” You had become quite close with Jill, and you felt like you could call it a budding friendship.

Jill nodded in response, giving you the space you need. “Let me know if there's anything I can help with.” She replied, friendly and thoughtful as ever.

You got yourself a meal and sat by the docks to recover in silence. You still were unable to dine with the others. It was okay, as you used the dining hall for reading if you wanted some noise around you. You would leave again the next day, this time with Clive. He had asked for you specifically, but you had no idea why. You thought back on the man that had spit in your face. You stayed strong for Jill, not wanting to show anything other than strength when those bearers looked at you and her in disgust. It reminded you of your father. You already felt your heartbeat rise and your breathing quicken. “Fuck.” You sat there for over an hour, calming yourself. “He's gone. Those bearers are gone.” 

Chapter Text

The following days, you found yourself traveling with Clive to Northreach. Each on a chocobo, you made quick work on arriving at the Veil. You were fine with staying there, but Clive had assured you it was too noisy over there. So instead, you stayed at an inn just outside the city. “A room for me and my bodyguard.” You said to the innkeep. You found it hilarious that you pretended to be a wealthy merchant that needed Clive as a bodyguard. He still had his Branded tattoo, as Clive insisted the other cursebreakers where to go first with the procedure. You were actually on a trip to buy more supplies for it. But anyone would've been fine, so you were not sure why he asked you to come with him.

“The Branded can stay in the stables with the others.” The innkeep replied, assuming you wouldn't want him close during the night.

“On the contrary.” You replied with a fancy accent. You even bought some fake jewelry for the occasion. “He can sleep on the floor in my room. He's my bodyguard after all.” You didn't even spare him a glance, and you easily convinced the innkeep to allow the bearer to join you in your suite.

“As you wish ma’am.” He replied, handing you your keys.

“Quite convincing.” Clive spoke up the moment you locked the suite door behind you.

“Don't worry, I'll sleep on the floor.” You said, feeling sorry for the treatment he'd gotten the past days. Like your father treated you, Clive was still being treated every day. You didn't need an explanation on why the world had to change. Another valid reason to stay and help out in the Hideaway.

“No it's okay. You should sleep on the fancy bed. I already have one at the Hideaway.” Clive replied, trying to convince you with his usual smile. You wouldn't call that bed of his fancy.

“You know, I've read about this trope.” You said, sitting on the bed. Clive looked at you after he put his sword against the wall. “Yeah that's right, I've moved on from the children's books.” You were proud of that.

“I'm not sure where you're going with this. You booked the room.” Clive replied, looking at you confused.

“You asked me along though. This bed is big enough for the both of us, and you with that tattoo would never get your own room.” You observed him, looking straight at his blue eyes.

“...” His eyes widened, as it dawned on him what you were getting at. When he was little, Jill was more into romantic fantasies than he was. She would often tell him how the two love interests got together. “I can assure you that I did not ask you along to end up in bed with you.” Clive defended. He had to admit that he might've entertained the thought the first day when you cooked that stew, but it had been years since then and valued your friendship more than anything.

“Okay. In any case, you sleep on the right.” You say rather commanding, as to not show you were nervous. You trusted Clive with your life, but had never slept in the same room as a man.

Clive just nodded, taking off his cape. “The shops have closed by now, so let's take it easy and have a good night's rest before doing what we came here to do.” He said seriously, gladly changing the subject.

Odd. I already thought we were leaving late. Is he trying to take it easier for once? 

“Alright.” You said, taking off your boots. 

I can do that. I'll just act like normal and we'll be on our way tomorrow.

You undressed, leaving on your shirt and smalls. You took your book from your bag and settled under the blankets. Clive undressed as well, leaving on his pants. “You don't need to keep that on because of me, that's probably uncomfortable.” You said, looking at his back. It surprised you how you were so casual on this. It was just Clive after all.

We're both adults here. This is no different than sleeping outside with Dio and Trevor.

“It's fine.” Clive just said. Maybe you made him uncomfortable, you realized. You shrugged, and got back to your book. 

It was a fantasy story about magical rings. “You got quite into reading.” Clive commented after he got under the covers, seeing you furrow your brows and staring intently at the pages.

“I promised Harpocrates I'd practice every day. This book however, has such long descriptions. Really easy to fall asleep to though.” You replied, flipping the page. Clive silently admired the effort you put in. He tried waiting until you put your book away, but his eyes got so heavy that he failed to stay awake.

---

If you still wanted a good night's rest, now was the time to put your book away. Clive was already fast asleep. He looked very peaceful. His chest went up and down in a steady rhythm. You could see several scars on his upper chest and shoulders alone. With a wry smile you observed him a little while longer. With his dark hair out of the way, you saw his full face for the first time. The stubble framed his face, the brand on his cheek, and there were no wrinkles or frowns on his forehead at the moment. You sighed, putting away your book and turning off the light.

---

Clive nudged you awake the next day. He was already dressed, which surprised you. “Oh, thanks for waking me.” You said, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. Clive just smiled as he turned his back to you as he waited for you to get dressed.

As you put on your pants, Clive spoke up. “We have some time after this, if you want to go somewhere?” You just finished putting your shirt in your pants.

“Huh? No that's fine, I know you're busy.” You replied, finding the question odd. You couldn't see Clive rolling his eyes.

“Listen.” He turned around. “Jill told me about your last bearer rescue. How you-”

“I don't know what you're talking about.” You deflected. It was a bit early to talk about your shortcomings.

“I'm sorry, it happened because of me.” He looked at you apologetically, and you met his gaze.

“What are you talking about? We failed to bring back a single soul, and you're worried that some bastard spit in my face?”

“Y/N…” You mentally slapped yourself. 

What is it with me and spitting people? Can I get a grip please?

And then you realized why he asked you along. To get out of it for a bit. Do something different. Take a bit more time. He felt guilty. “A talk would have sufficed, Clive. No need to go through all this trouble.” This suite suddenly felt ridiculous. Clive acting like your bodyguard felt ridiculous.

“I wanted to. I'm putting everyone in a tough spot, and you don't want me to at least try to bring some distraction when I think it's going too far? I saw how Jill looked. How you seclude yourself even more.” It was a desperate plea, and you felt your stomach churn.

“You should've asked Jill to come along, not me. She's better at these kinds of things.” You changed the subject. Jill had a more sophisticated aura about her, and was better at shopping for fair deals than you were. You sighed, letting yourself fall back on the bed.

“Jill is accompanying Tarja. And it's about you right now.” Clive calmly said, as he moved over and laid next to you. You both stared at the ceiling. “I need you to buy me some medicine.” He chuckled at the notion. “These people won't talk to me, until this brand is off my face.” You turned your head towards Clive. He looked back.

A moment of silence before you relented. “Okay fine. We're doing this because you need the stuff for your operation, not because of me needing a distraction or whatever.”

“Good enough for me.” Clive said, as your gazes were still on each other. For a moment you thought something was going to happen.

Then there was a knock on the door. “Breakfast ma'am, served in your room, just like you asked.” You immediately got up, and Clive got up and into a standing position against the wall. He handed you a tray with baked goods and fresh bread with cheese and some cured meat.

“Thank you so much.” You deftly replied.

“The Branded can eat leftovers in the stables.” You curtly nodded, hiding your annoyance. Then you closed the door with your leg.

You handed the tray over to Clive. “Here you go.” He looked at you, slightly confused. “I'm not hungry.”

“...Still can't eat with me huh?”

“Nothing personal. And this would barely be enough for you.” You said, focussing on your boots. Defeated, Clive put the tray on the bed and started eating. He avoided the discussion for now. You checked your daggers in the meantime. 

---

You entered the market like you owned the place, with Clive just behind you. He didn't mind at all to let you do the talking. He could just observe and see you working. You could now read the list of required materials, as you practiced before. “That's way too expensive.” You said, staring down the merchant. “A downright scam.”

“...I could lower the price a bit, if I can put that bearer of yours to work. I'm sure that fellow can hold himself in battle?”

You did not like where this was going. “As you can see, my bearer is the highest quality available.” You tapped his muscular pecs to drive the point home. You could feel Clive's gaze on you.

“A couple of wyverns were spotted on the plains, and I'm worried they'll be trouble when I travel back home. I'll knock 20 percent off the price if you can kill them.”

“35 percent. I'm not sending him off to danger for less.” Of course, Clive could handle them, but it felt so wrong to send him out for a measly discount. 

He's a human being for Founder's sake!

You felt Clive giving you an assuring tap on your lower back. “Alright. I guess that's fine.” You shook your hand with the merchant.

Then you turned around to Clive. “You heard him. Off you go. Don't return until they're all dealt with.” Your face was stern, forcing yourself to play the role. You would apologize later. Clive gave a curt nod, his expression revealing nothing. You turned around before he did, another show of power. 

You drank wine while Clive was off fighting monsters. High quality at that. The merchant had invited you, seeing as you were both waiting on the return of your bearer. Without any food in your stomach to soften the blow, you were tipsy when Clive returned. Your cheeks were stained red while you handled the deal that Clive made happen. You had everything on the list while it was still light out. “How many drinks did you have while I was away?” Clive whispered as you walked through Northreach.

“Not enough.” You joked, feeling light on your feet.

“Let's get some food.” Clive offered.

You scrunch your nose in return. “No need. Let's just go somewhere private.” You wanted to apologize. Clive figured they could do both at the same time. 

And so Isabelle lends you a room in the Veil. She always had a soft spot for Clive, so she was happy to help him out. The noises however, were everywhere and you both fell silent. You sat on the edge of a beautifully decorated bed. Clive stood close to the door. The moans became deafening, so you quickly spoke up. “Sorry about today. I took no pleasure in acting towards you this way. If anything, it only strengthened my resolve to restore this imbalance in the world.” Clive wanted to reply, but you were too drunk to notice.

“- it's just-” You rambled on. “I know it's temporary, but it just feels so normal when I order you around as a bearer.” You made big gestures with your hands.

“...Y/N.” Clive tried.

“I need to apologize for being so useless.” You continued, still talking to the windows. “I haggled with your life for a discount, and when you were doing the hard work, I went and got piss ass drunk! Who does that?” You started talking louder to overcome the moaning from the other rooms. “And you'll act like it's not an issue, but I just can't-”

Clive only needed a few large steps. “Y/N!” He lowered himself, grabbing your upper thigh firmly to finally get your attention. He looked up, getting full in your face. “Be quiet for a moment.” He commanded, effectively shutting you up. Clive's stomach churned. He knew you were trained to obey, and he had always avoided ordering you around. Not that he did with others, but he was extra careful around you. “Apology accepted. Let's get you some food and we can talk when you've rested.” He left no room for questions. You stared at him slightly shocked. He went out and returned with a plate of food, similar to the breakfast he had hours ago. He handed it to you before exiting the room. With an empty gaze, you stared at the food. Your habit of eating alone had driven him out. 

…Nothing I can do about it now

I've been apologizing a lot since I joined Cid. What changed?

The food was great, but still unable to lift your mood. Your cutlery was left unused, and with the napkin you meticulously cleaned yourself.

I'm such a burden. What would Cid say when he was still alive?

You imagined his face. “He probably would've loved the room.” You said out loud, eying and appreciating the warm inviting colors, all focussed on the bed. Every man would instantly be able to get in the mood, you guessed. If they weren't already. 

Hah, what about Clive? Is he susceptible to this kind of stuff?

You shrugged. You finished your meal, but Clive still hasn't returned. You waited half an hour more, but he still didn't show. 

Wouldn't it be funny if I took a nap in this bed? Like, who does that?

So you got under the covers, and closed your eyes. Quickly, the moans veered to the background of your mind. You drifted off.

Clive knocked on the door an hour later. He had run some errands in the meantime. When you didn't reply, he immediately opened the door to check if you had gone out. Instead, you were sleeping. The food was eaten, and you looked very peaceful. Like you were always able to by yourself. Clive sighed as he took off his sword before sitting on the edge of the bed. The fiery colors of the room, and the warm aromas hanging around had him wondering how you could sleep so peacefully. The colors made him restless, reminding him of Phoenix Gate. “....hmmm Clive…” He perked up when you mumbled his name, but when he looked at you, it turned out you were still sleeping. “...I brought you….some walnuts…” You continued in your sleep.

“...Walnuts?” Clive asked, no idea what you were dreaming about. Then you opened your eyes.

“...Oh. Sorry for falling asleep.” You yawned, stretching yourself. “It’s a great bed.” You noted.

Clive wasn’t really interested in the bed. “Feeling better? Can you walk straight?” He asked, wanting to see you walk a straight line before continuing your journey.  You huffed in response. Just to show him you could, you got off the bed and walked a straight line on your bare feet.

“Straight enough, milord?” You mocked, annoyed by his question. The food had already helped, and if he didn’t go out for errands you would’ve already left. Your answer ticked him off, but he chose to stay quiet.

“Let’s go back to the Hideaway.” He said as he grabbed his sword. 

The fact that you were both annoyed at what was supposed to be a fun trip, was sad on its own. The moment you stepped onto the docks, you parted ways. Since you could read adequately now, you checked in with Gav after freshening up. If there was anything you could pick up.
“Actually. Royalists have been spotted in Rosaria. I’m traveling to Drake’s Fang for some scouting, so it would be nice if you could keep an eye on these people. I’m guessing they’re trafficking Bearers, but I’ve only heard rumors.” You nodded in response.

“Alright, leave it to me.”
For efficiency’s sake, you checked the hunting board for any contracts that were close by. Then you heard screaming from the infirmary. It was a guttural scream that you recognized as Clive. He was in pain, and you felt your stomach churn.

…He had the surgery today?! Fuck, I should’ve known. We even went shopping for the necessities! I should’ve asked. 

You felt like a total jackass, and in a panic, you ran over to the infirmary. You weren’t a healer. And your power storage was empty, nothing to give to him. 

Instead, I took a nap in the Veil.

You sunk to the floor, sitting besides the door. Listening to proceedings inside. At some point it got quiet, but you didn’t dare to walk inside and disturb Tarja. Around dusk, Tarja stepped outside, looking exhausted. “How did it go?” You asked as calmly as possible.

“As good as can be.” She replied, a small smile on her lips. “He’ll wake up tomorrow, with a scar instead of a brand.” You exhaled in relief.

“Can I make you some food? Anything you’d like right now?”

Tarja pondered the question. “If you’re offering… Do you have anything in mind with fish?” She asked. You were grateful for her acceptance, probably more than she was.

“I’ll meet you in the Tub & Crown.” You said, giving her space to clean herself up. She nodded, and you got to work in the kitchen. Yvan looked weird at you for being back here, but since he was already prepared for the evening, you were free to do some extra. So you used a small fish from the pantry to cook a meal for you and Tarja. It wasn’t anything spectacular, but with some correctly flavored rice and a healthy portion of vegetables you were sure she’d like it. Topped with a secret sauce of your making.

Tarja waved, as she sat down at the nearest table, with her back to the wall. It was still a bit early for actual dinnertime, which was perfect. You placed a steaming plate with a glass of water in front of her. “If there’s anything else you’d like to drink, let me know.”

“I’d like you to finally join me for a meal.” Tarja replied, looking straight at you. You swallowed. You also remembered your lunch.

“...Fine. On one condition.”

“Sure.” Tarja said, leaning back.

“Don’t look at me while I eat.” You said, out of earshot of the others. Tarja raised an eyebrow. “Don’t ask me why. Talk to me, ask me stuff, I don’t mind. But please, just look somewhere else.” The last sentence was more like a plea, and did not go unnoticed by Tarja.

“Okay. Sit next to me then.” The solution seemed simple enough, and you fetched your own plate and drink.

“Let’s sit on the other side.” You said, so that the both of you faced the wall and other people wouldn’t notice you. Tarja silently shifted her chair to where you wanted her to be. She did exactly like you asked. Focussed on her own plate, but still engaging in conversation.

“Clive told me you played quite the boss of him today.”

A strained smile appeared on your face. “Wow. I mean, he’s right, but now I feel extra bad.”

Tarja laughed. “You should treasure the experience, Y/N. Not everyone gets the opportunity to boss him around.” You chuckled, reliving the experience.

“I haggled a discount for his services though. As if I started haggling for the service of a woman of the Veil. It’s awful.”

“As long as you realize that, you’re already different from most people.” Tarja replied before taking another bite of her meal. “...That’s why you’re still here right? To change the world.” You slowly nodded. Refocusing back on your meal, you took a small bite. “Clive knows that. He knows that the haggling was a role you played.” A silence fell, as you both ate. “...And between you and me, he was smiling the whole time he told me about it. Up until we got to work, that is.” The conversation turned a little dark, so you made sure you steadily continued eating before you lost your appetite for a different reason.

Twenty minutes later, both your plates were empty. Tarja hadn’t once looked your way. Still, you had managed to enjoy her company, knowing her better for it. She had a cold demeanor, but once she started talking, that went away in seconds. She was a fan of flowers, so you promised to bring some for her when you had the chance. 

Reignited with new motivation you went to find Gav. “I’m leaving tonight, I’ll send a stolas if I need anything.”

“Okay. Take care alright? Don’t do anything crazy.” He replied, wishing you luck.

“What could possibly happen?” You asked, shrugging. 

Chapter Text

…Man. The risk I took was calculated, but I forgot no one taught me how to do math.

You swore internally. It took you a week to find the Royalists, only to realize that there were way more than you expected. Or the rumors had thought. The Duchess was on a campaign to get rid of the bearers in Rosaria, but that she had given a free pass to both the Imperialists and the Royalists was a surprise. You had killed a Royalist this morning and took his armor, but it was getting increasingly hard to fake that you belonged. Their accent was hard to grasp. Your armor was also a size too big. Or rather, you weren’t used to wearing it. During your reconnaissance, you had found out they had quite the group of Bearers. 

They have at least thirty Bearers here… I’ve never seen such a big operation.

You observed small groups of Bearers, around five per group huddled together, their hands tied behind their back, with their necks tied to each other. You were currently on the northern side of the coast, quite a way above the leftovers of Phoenix Gate. 

With the stolas that I sent yesterday, it should still take a few days before backup comes.

You gritted your teeth. You certainly didn’t have a few days. It would be a matter of time before someone asked you where you needed to be, and then you would be screwed. These people didn’t talk a lot, luckily. The camp you were in was huge. With multiple tents with makeshift barracks, and a huge ship ready to depart with their acquired assets.
“...Just confirmed. We’re going to depart tomorrow. Finally.” Two guards were discussing next steps, and you overheard them as you walked past.

“Hey. Have you heard? We’re returning tomorrow.” That was addressed to you, and you stopped and turned towards them.

“Great!” You replied, maybe a little too enthusiastic. They stared at you, and you just turned back to go towards a group of Bearers. You joined another guard, standing on the other side of that group of five.

Not great. How will I ever free these people? 

It dawned on you that these people would never move from their spot until every Royalist was gone. Either on that ship or dead. Tonight, you will go on the biggest mission yet. You managed to put a sleeping agent in their food during dinner as you faked another patrol duty.

You randomly joined a small group of guards on their evening rounds when the sun set. The moment they were just out of sight from others, you took out your poisoned daggers and slashed their throats. Then you casually walked over to the nearest tent and took off the armor. You needed more stealth if you were going to crawl underneath. Lights were out, so you crawled under and appeared quietly on the backside of it. Five guards, fast asleep. 

Eight Royalists, out of commission.

You were either too good, or they were just stupid. Still, you tried to kill grunts before moving over to the big tents. “...Who goes there?!” A Royalist guard called out. He was fairly large compared to the regular human being, and he had attached a lantern to his spear. You slipped into the darkness, hoping he would just drop it. “Step out now.”

As if I would do that.

He walked off, out of sight. You sighed in relief. Then an alarm bell rang. Asleep or not, people were going to wake up. 

Fuck. Fuck it all.

You ducked into the first tent you could find, continuing your killing spree. You cleared out two more tents before the higher ups appeared, a couple even having those humongous cannons. “Over there! I see someone!” A shout on your left. Enemies on your right.

“Prometheus!” You gathered energy, summoning your Eikon. You had the element of surprise, as this was an unfamiliar Eikon to all of them. At least you assumed. You summoned the scythe, and darted to the right. With a myriad of slashes, you dropped destruction on the camp. Your white armored hand stomped the ground, and above an incoming group of guards a shining ethereal fist appeared that rained down on them. You were careful in staying away from the Bearers. Wave after wave you cleared, healing yourself from the power of your scythe. “RAAAH!” You roared, killing another heap of incoming Royalists.
It seemed endless. You had no idea where they were coming from. It felt like you had already slaughtered a small army. The moment you started panting, a heavy voice was heard above you. 

“My master told me you were here, Hidden One. You are not welcome.” 

You looked up. A knight on a six legged horse. 

Was he at the camp all along?! Did he wait for me to run out of power?

You charged up and sent a silver wave of energy his way with the scythe. “You should've stayed hidden.” Odin summoned his sword, parrying your attack. Then something hit you in the chest. You didn't even see his sword move. You fell forward onto one knee. Your power diminished when a bluish red spear pierced your back and came out front. Blood splurged from your mouth, your Eikon fading. Your eyes fell on the spear sticking out from your chest, blood dripping down your clothes. Your vision was getting blurry, and your breathing got heavy. The armor on your arms was still present. “Ugh…” 

This was a mistake. I can't breathe….Fuck.

You fell forward in the dirt, returned to your original size. Piles of bodies laid around you, fodder for you to handle until the king of Waloed could strike you down. A pile of blood seeping into the grass from your wounds. “Take her body with you on the ship. I want to make an example of her. For Mythos.” Your armor was fading, just like your vision. You had to be quick. The stored energy surged through your body. You withhold a growl when the spear is pulled from your body. You pulled everything you could from Prometheus's reserves. “Keep her chained up.”

“Yes, your Majesty.” You felt his foot on the side of your head, pressing you into the dirt.

“She'll die soon, but just to be sure……”

Your vision faded completely. 

—

You had no idea how much time had passed. Or where you were. The room was dark, moist, with no light source anywhere. You were sitting on a chair, different material than wood. Would they keep Bearers here? But why the chair? Your hands were chained behind your back, and priming didn't do anything. You weren't sure if that was because of the chains or your near death state. Your ankles were chained to the legs of the chair, and a piece of cloth covered by a strip tied behind your head prevented you from speaking. “....” Your chest was hurting immensely, but the bleeding had stopped. There was no longer a hole in your body. A rope held you in place against the back of the chair. Maybe that's why they hadn't noticed you being alive. 

“...Ready the sails!” 

Sails… I'm on the ship… which means…

You had no idea what that meant. Strength has left you. You hadn't saved a single Bearer. You were going to die a meaningless death. You didn't know if your eyes were open or not, the place was so dark you were completely lost. Or were you just dying? A smell of burning candles entered your nostrils. It was nauseating and constricting your already weak breathing. 

Shipped off to Waloed…

Your head dropped. 

I don’t want to die.

“Gav! Go left! Jill! Make sure this ship doesn't leave the shore!” Clive shouted towards his friends, his sword already drawn. Jill nodded, summoning ice. The ship was thinly manned, Clive noticed. Wasn't really a surprise, with the heaps of bodies that laid back at the Royalists camp. The amount was staggering. How could his mother allow this? Your body wasn't among them, so you had to be on the ship. There had been a pool of blood in the grass, without a body it belonged to. When Clive went into the ship, he grew more desperate. His attacks got more brutal. Each door of the giant ship he hoped you would be behind it. Instead, he found Bearers. In groups of five, all tied together in the dark. On a regular day, this would've been the jackpot. So many lives saved. But now, Clive would come back for them later. No, in a sick twist of fate, it was Gav who screamed in terror.

“CLIVE! Fuck!” He was frozen on the spot when he saw you. Gav had immediately gone to the lowest level of the ship. He panicked when you didn't respond to his presence, as loud as he was right now. He wasn't sure where to begin. The sliced skin got his attention, your lower half covered in dried up blood. He'd seen some shit in his life, but the carnage at the camp, and you… He walked over to you back, trying to undo the gag.

Then Clive stormed in. “Founder…” He stammered, more adrenaline pumping through his body. The bloody cloth that Gav plucked from your mouth, plus the state you were in almost made him vomit. His hands were shaking, and your limp body made his blood boil. Whoever did this was going to pay. He took two of the strongest potions from his bag, and Gav opened up your mouth. “Swallow dammit!” Clive yelled, and covered your mouth after pouring in the potions. Gav got to work on the chains in the meantime. The moment Clive saw the liquid go down, your eyes shot open. Your body jerked. Gav had made short work of the restraints, and you immediately stood up, your body full of adrenaline.

“Clive! Gav! You made it!” You exclaimed, eyes wide. Clive nodded, grabbing your hand.

“Can you walk?” The potions had done their work, the gash on your chest now shallow.

“Yes, let's get out of here.” You confirmed, clenching and unclenching your fingers a couple of times after shaking out your legs. Gav protected the rear as the three of you fought your way back up with the remainder of the Royalists. “Wait! Odin is around here, we must be careful.” You started. But once back on top, there was no one. “Where did he go?!”

“Y/N… there's no one here alive anymore.” Gav said, looking at you with worry. “Why would the King of Waloed be here?” He added, wondering if they did something to you.

“Get her back to the skiff. Me and Jill will join up after we freed the Bearers.” Clive ordered, looking at Gav, who nodded in return.

—

In the end, 55 Bearers were saved from their fate. Eight of those decided to join you to the Hideaway. The Waloedian ship was destroyed, and Rosaria was free from their raids. This should've been a happy occasion. You however, hadn't said a word during the trip back. You stared down at your feet. Jill and Gav were silent too, while Torgal slept at Jill's feet. The Bearers sat behind them, sleeping peacefully. Clive had his eyes trained on you, a glare on his face you'd never seen before. His arms were crossed, as he sat back with his legs wide. He was pissed at you. To say the least. You had your head bowed the whole trip. 

When you arrived at the Hideaway, Clive had walked past you. “My room. Now.” You didn't dare look at the others as you followed Clive. They went to the infirmary, while you were getting reprimanded.

“Sit.” Clive commanded, pointing at the chair in front of his desk. You meekly did what he said and sat down. He kept standing. He glared at you, and then went off. “What were you thinking?!” He crossed his arms, staring you down. “How can you be so reckless?! Can you even imagine how afraid we were?!” He was seething, his eyes wide with anger. You looked down, taking his yelling. “If we arrived an hour later, you would be shipped off to Waloed! We would've lost you! I would've lost you!” At every sentence you got a little smaller. His fists clenched as he smashed one onto the table. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?” You wanted to reply, but the words didn't come. Your body was aching for a rest. “Well?” Not even tears. You felt empty and defeated. This time you had tried. Looking at your feet, you stayed silent. Clive growled. “...I need to cool off. Don't leave this room.” He barked, before slamming the door behind him.

“...” 

He's right. I didn't think it through, this is the stupidest thing I've ever done. I just… wanted to save them and help out.

You clenched your fists, and gritted your teeth. You sat on the chair for what felt like hours. Clive wasn't returning shortly, so when the adrenaline faded from your body, exhaustion hit twice as hard. You were dirty and covered in blood. So you laid on the floor, passing out in mere minutes. 

Clive felt his stomach churn, when he came back and saw you asleep on the floor. Exhaustion was written on your face, and he hasn't even sent you to the infirmary. He felt like shit, but it was the right decision to cool off before his anger had overtaken him. He regrets shouting at you. You didn't deserve his rage. He lifted you off the floor and put you in his bed, covering you with a blanket. While Clive was shouting at you, you hadn’t said a word in return. You usually had a fierce look on your face, but that disappeared the moment he let out his anger. “...Did I scare her?” Clive regretted the whole situation. You had good intentions, but not well thought out. The image of you in that chair haunted his mind. He squeezed his hands, to stop the trembling in his limbs.

It took you a while to wake up. Realizing that you were not on the floor anymore, you shot up from the bed, surprising Clive who was working behind his desk. You looked straight at him. His bed was dirty now because of you. Combined with everything else that was on top of your mind, your eyes watered over and you just started crying. 

When did I get so fragile? Why can’t I stop crying?

You never used to cry like this. You sucked it up and glared. Maybe you were always fragile. You just didn’t notice until people around you broke you, and didn’t put you back together. “H-hey.” Clive immediately approached you, pulling you against his chest with his armored hands. “It’s okay.” He whispered.

“It’s….just…” You stuttered between sobs. “I wanted… to save… those people.” And then you returned the hug, wrapping your arms around him. You pressed your body against him more, not sure why you needed this. Clive’s eyes watered over as he pressed a kiss against your hair.

“It’s okay. You did good.” He said, not letting you go.

“He…waited…Odin appeared out of nowhere. He waited until I was tired to finish me off.” Clive released you, grabbing your shoulders to push you back so he could look at you.

“Odin? You’re saying the king of Waloed showed up?” He must’ve missed your previous statement, too focussed on getting you out.

“Knight on a six legged horse? That’s the one.” Your sarcasm has returned. You quickly wiped away your tears with the back of your sleeve. You realized your shirt was full of holes and gashes. Your body however, only had a shallow horizontal gash on your upper chest. You had managed to heal the actual hole in your chest. “He was going to make an example of me.” You took a deep breath. Clive saw you look for something specific. He didn’t mean to stare. “He had a spear.” You continued, focussed on yourself. “Pierced me right through. Prometheus has healing capabilities. There’s not even a scar left.” You said amazed. You looked back up at him, straight into his shining blue eyes. “I’m really sorry. I thought I could do it.” Everyone there had seen the destruction you left at that camp. You were probably right, if not for another Dominant.

“I believe you.” Clive said, letting go of your shoulders. There was a moment of silence, where the both of you moved your face a little closer. Another inch. And then the door opened.

“Clive, I-” Gav stepped inside. Both of you immediately moved back to a proper distance. Gav looked at each of you, and mentally slapped himself. His eyes returned to you, in your disheveled state. “Did you guys-”

“No!” You both exclaimed, with Clive immediately getting up.

“You didn’t even know what I was going to ask..” Gav replied, shaking his head.

“..I’m going to change. I’ll come back with new bed linen.” You quickly excused yourself.

“I thought you and Jill-”

“Can we change the subject?” Clive interrupted, not willing to indulge Gav.

“Okay, fair. I heard from my contact at Drake’s Fang. I think we can put the plan into action.”

Chapter Text

It didn’t come as a surprise that Clive didn’t ask you to join him to fight Kupka. However, it did when he stated that he and Torgal would go by themselves. You and Jill were currently sharing a drink at the Tub & Crown. “Shouldn’t we support or something?” You asked her, taking a sip of your drink.

Jill pondered the question. She had helped him out at Drake’s Breath. “Usually, yes. However, it’s personal with Hugo Kupka. He wants to keep us out of harm's way.” Jill didn’t really seem happy with the thought, but she believed in Clive.

…Should I tell her that we almost…kissed?

You shook your head. You weren’t even sure if that could’ve happened a week ago. You were also not sure if that should be the case at all. Jill and Clive were childhood friends, and she obviously felt something for him. With everyone here focussed on the mother crystals, you felt like there was something else you should be doing. “If Clive is going to destroy all those crystals by himself, what should we do? We’re Dominants, just sitting here.” You wondered. Odin came to mind, and there was something that drew you to him. With your recent fuckup that endangered the others, you felt more distant to everyone at the Hideaway. You had cleared the Hunting board, just so you could escape. With the materials, Blackthorne had made you new daggers, one larger than the other. The large one being black, the smaller a silvery white.
After you spoke with Jill, you retreated to the shelves.

“Another one finished?” Harpocrates asked, that kind smile never leaving his face.

“Yeah, I’m really starting to love reading while I’m on the road. Or while I’m here for that matter.” You put the last book you borrowed back where you took it from. Harpocrates noticed you not getting the next volume.

“What’s on your mind?”

“...I’m not sure what to do.” You started, hesitantly. “I feel like a burden to the Hideaway. Clive just goes off on his own, and everyone has their own task to do here. Except me.” You could read your days away somewhere, and you wouldn’t be missed. You could be busy with generic tasks if you just walked around and asked, but it was no longer enough.

“Would you like to join Clive, knowing that it’s extremely dangerous? And you must know, no one here is a burden.” He asked, curious about your answer.

“I know I’m not like him. He has limitless endurance with his powers. It bothers me that I will probably be a burden to him as well. But I can’t just sit around here and let these powers go to waste.” You said, frustration in your voice.

“Is there any way you could help, in your own way?” Harpocrates wondered.

Odin came to your mind again. He knew something about Prometheus that you didn’t. “I need to get stronger.” You said determined. “If I’m not a burden anymore, he’ll have to take me along. I just need my own journey first.”

“If that’s what you think is right..” Harpocrates replied. “Take a book for the road.” He offered.

“Thanks Harpocrates. Thank you for everything.” He raised his eyebrow slightly, as he wasn’t sure if you would return. You were unsure either, mostly because Odin had already killed you once. And you already had a habit of going off on your own, so if Clive heard, he would be pissed at you. Then again, you didn’t want him with you while he had more important matters to attend to.
You chose to write him a letter, leave it for him to read when he returned.

Hey Clive.

Your letter openings still sucked.

I hope you came back safe from Drake’s Fang. Hugo Kupka is a pain in the ass, nobody will miss him. People will miss you though, so please take care, and depend on others if you can. Include Jill on your adventures, as I’m sure she wants to tag along. For me, old habits die hard, and I need to go on my own adventure. I feel like I’ve been a burden to you, and everyone at the Hideaway. So, I’ve decided to travel around the Twins. I’m not sure when, or if I’ll return. But if I do, k 

You scratched out that last part.

I need to know more about Prometheus. I need to work on myself.
We’ll meet again.

You signed the letter with your name, and left it at his reading table, at the bottom. You then packed your bags.

---

You traveled to Northreach, stayed at the Veil for their amazing beds, and moved on to reach the shores of Sanbreque to the east. You passed on the Crystalline dominion, as Clive had managed to destroy Drake’s Fang and the run on crystals was getting chaotic. The war was still raging on, and something told you you had different ways of getting to Stonehyrr.

When Clive returned from Drake’s Fang, he was exhausted. Torgal had already taken care of most of his dire wounds, but it had taken so long to take Kupka down that he was glad to be back. “Welcome back Clive!” Jill greeted him with a smile.

“Thanks Jill.” Giving her a warm smile in return. After some small talk, he returned to his chambers, ready for a well earned rest. Otto had planned a celebratory party the next day, and he was forced to stay at the Hideaway.

“It’ll do you good.” Otto had said sternly. There were just a couple of letters on the reading table, and Clive recognized your paper. You still used a bit thicker parchment, as you sometimes wrote on the go. He smiled when he read your weird opening.

His eyebrows furrowed when he read the contents of your letter. “..You’re not a burden.” He said, reading the letter a couple more times before realizing that you had left permanently and all he got was this letter.

“Jill. Did Y/N tell you she was leaving?” Clive asked her. He had decided to sleep later. He needed to get to the bottom of this.

“Leaving? She just mentioned that she was going to train.” Apparently, you had lied to her. Clive showed her the letter. Her smile turned into a serious frown of worry. “She said she felt awful just sitting here while you went off to danger, but I didn’t expect her to just-” Jill looked down, disappointed that she didn’t know you better. Together, the two asked everyone around if they knew where you had gone. No one knew, until they arrived at the shelves.

“Did you talk to Y/N by any chance?” Clive asked Harpocrates.

“As a matter of fact, I have. Is something wrong?” He looked up from his papers.

“She left. Left me a well-written letter though, I must thank you for that.” It was rare for Clive to be sarcastic.

“You’re welcome, better than nothing, I think. She came to pick up a book a week ago.” Harpocrates replied, thinking out loud.

“What kind?” Jill asked, as it might be valuable information.

The old lorekeeper chuckled in response. “I wish it would be helpful. Alas, she took a story about love. One of my personal favorites, at that.”

“Did she say anything else?” Clive asked, hoping that there would at least be something.

“She did come talk to me. She said that she needed to put her powers to good use. Become stronger so she wouldn’t be a burden to you.” Harpocrates looked up at both Jill and Clive. “I believe she’d like to accompany you both on your travels, but does not feel capable of doing so.” Clive sighed. 

---

“The currents are too strong. No boats go to Waloed from here.” “

Why are there docks then?” You questioned the man in front of you.

“Small trips to the south. The currents didn't used to be so heavy. I heard the king has something to do with it.” You nodded, thanking him for his information. You regretted traveling to these shores. It seemed there was no option to reach Ash from this side. You huffed, finding a good place to eat on the docks. Not a lot of people here. You could see Ash from where you were sitting. You stared intently at the lands ahead. How could you get there?

You felt power rise, and the next second, you found yourself partway into the sea. “What the-” With a loud ‘splash’ you fell into the water. The currents were strong, and you were about to get swallowed by the water. 

Stay calm. No time to dwell on how you got here.

On instinct, you summoned your armor. Thank the Founder you could swim. You had to thank Cassian for that. He loved the water. Too bad he was a thieving jackass. It took almost everything you had to stay afloat. “Damn it!” You coughed, inhaling too much water. And then you went under.

Is this where I really meet my end? What an anti-climax.

You shook your head, the water giving you a moment of serenity. You envisioned the Waloedian shores. The water around you disappeared. Or rather, you had teleported to the shore. “What did I just do?” You looked back in shock. You had just crossed a whole sea in minutes. Just like that. It tired you out though, and your armor disappeared as you sat down. No one in sight. So you did what any other would do on an empty beach. You took off your clothes and started a fire to dry them. The days weren't that cold yet, but you would get sick if you walked around in wet clothes. Luckily you didn't have armor. Actual armor. “I can teleport? I can just do that?” You looked at your hands. Then at the other side of the small fire you made. Before you could blink, you appeared on the other side. “Wow.” Pleased with your discovery, you experimented a little until you almost passed out from exhaustion. It wouldn't do to be discovered unconscious on a beach in the nude. 

---

Clive sighed heavily. It wasn't the first time he was drinking on his own in his room, but it had gotten frequent since you had left. Sometimes it was all a bit much. The others couldn't know. It had been three months since you left. He wished it wouldn't affect him as much as it had. You had been gone for a month at most. Your letter was still on his desk. Sometimes he would read it, to wallow in guilt. “Would you have stayed if I asked you to join me at Drake's Fang?” His cheeks were tinted slightly red. “... Maybe if I hadn't been so angry with you.” Clive shook his head. Tomorrow was another day. His list of responsibilities wasn't getting any smaller. He shouldn't dwell on the past. Too much had happened, and there was so much more to come. He stumbled to his bed, passing out in his armor.

---

Getting to Stonehyrr was a pain in the ass. There were more aetherfloods here, and the akashic made your travel miserable. You didn't make much progress, having to recover each day. Your clothes got more tattered by the hour. Your energy took longer to recover each passing moment. Two steps forward, one step back every time. Orc warlords just walked around here like they owned the place. There were enormous monsters you never saw before. You were doing alright on the food and recovery, with enough abandoned houses to be found. Besides the physical exertion, you got more efficient in using your powers. Different methods for different enemies. But it was still not enough.

It felt like years had passed when you saw Stonehyrr. But that was definitely not the case. Months, yes. Your new teleportation sped up the process, skipping exhausting battles, limiting to just the necessary ones. “Would Odin know I'm here?” The mother Crystal was humongous. Would you get close to it? Clive might appreciate you destroying it. Then again, that felt out of reach.

“I didn't think you were still alive.” A heavy voice behind you, and you turned around, summoning your scythe in the process. 

The king of Waloed however, had already readied his bluish sword to block. “Don't appear behind me like that.” You replied, retracting your weapon.

“It seems that you didn't come here to fight.” He noted, raising an eyebrow. “Did Mythos sent you?” His weapon disappeared. He radiated confidence.

“No. I came for information.” You said, sizing him up.

“And what makes you think I'd give that freely?”

“Who is Mythos?” The king observed you. It didn't seem like he wanted to fight you either.

He had an amused look on his face. “Mythos is Ifrit’s Dominant. I thought you were close to him.”

“Why call him that?” He ignored your question.

He reached out his hand towards you. “Come with me, and I’ll give you what you came for.” You eyed him, feeling that this might be the last thing that you do. You took his hand anyway.

In the blink of an eye you changed locations, appearing in what seemed to be a throne room. There was a huge tapestry behind the throne, depicting Eikons. You never saw anything like it before. “This has the answer to all your questions.” He started, standing next to you.

"Barnabas, right? Can I call you that?” You asked, wanting to avoid formality. He didn’t reply, so you assumed it was fine. “I don’t see Prometheus here. Where is he?” You looked at him hoping he could tell you.

“He’s hidden.” Barnabas still stared at the tapestry. He was still in his gray plated armor, and you feared he would summon his sword any moment to cut you down. However, taking a closer look, he was just bored with your presence. Something to kill time. “The fact that he’s not depicted says much more about him than you think.”

You recognized Ifrit, with wings. “I also miss the Phoenix on here.” You said, stepping forward to take a closer look.

“He’s there.” Barnabas replied, not giving you more info. You shrugged, the Phoenix was not really what you came for anyway.

“Why is Prometheus called the Hidden Eikon?”

“He’ll explain.” You heard the solemn voice of Barnabas say.

And then a sharp pain in your head. “Ugh!” Both your hands shot up to your head, as you fell to your knees.

“Finally, you grace me with your presence, Prometheus. Have you appeared to join?”

A strange voice resounded in your head. It was such a weird, metallic voice, you were sure it wasn't human. Barnabas got on one knee, bowing for a presence that you couldn’t see.

“No matter. Mythos has appeared. Your resistance was futile. Soon, we’ll create a new world.”

The pain became almost unbearable, as you doubled over. Something reached out to you from behind. You could feel it. A cold energy, but warm and scorching at the same time. It engulfed you, and there was only one thing on your mind;

I guess this is the stupidest mistake I made so far.

Visions were poured into your mind. Of war, famine, Blight. A new world. One did not agree. He was exiled, on the brink of death. That is you. An outcast. But an Eikon nonetheless. It felt like your body was on fire. You were about to be consumed. You were sure of it. Like you were being pulled from your own body. On instinct, you teleported. Again. And again. You kept going until you had no more.

---

You woke up back on the shores you had arrived on. The pain was subsiding, and something new had taken its place. You could feel the other Dominants. Barnabas, aka Odin. An unknown person in the south, Phoenix. Someone in the crystalline dominion, Bahamut. Jill, Shiva. And of course, Clive, aka Ifrit. It felt like you were just added to the exposed list. Not sure if that’s a good thing. There was still something off somewhere in the north, but it didn’t really concern you. Did the others feel you too? You had gotten what you came here for, and you knew whatever was there in Stonehyrr, it wouldn’t appreciate you coming back. If you made the right decision or not, it was something only the future could tell. For now you need to share what you’ve learned with the Hideaway. It was time to go back.

“Did you feel that too?” Jill asked Clive, the moment she stormed into his room. Her hand clutched her chest, and seeing Clive with a disturbed expression confirmed that he had felt the same.

“Like a new light erupted in my heart.” He replied, still unsure of what to think of this. It wasn’t really a burning sensation. Clive only had this connection with Jill before, knowing each other for so long.

“Yes. I’m not sure what happened, but I feel she’s quite far away from us.” Jill replied. He nodded in response.

He had tried to put his mind past you, but the universe had dealt a swift punishment. “I have no idea what this means.” He said then.

“I’ll ask around.” Jill said, more optimistic than Clive was.

“Thanks Jill.” She gave him a smile in return.

Chapter Text

Clive’s schedule was rarely this empty. Some things were still going on in the background, but nothing that needed his attention right now. He was never one to sit still, so he took a gander at the hunting board, picking one that fitted his mood before setting off. An assassin in Dhalmekia, around the eastern border with the Crystaline dominion. A-rank, not too easy, but also not so difficult that he would need to recover the day after.

The sun was scorching on the fields of Corvana. Not as sandy as a desert, but rocks that heat up from the sun all day. 

Torgal whined. “What is it boy?” Clive asked, looking down at his companion. Torgal wagged his tail, asking for a few pets. “Alright, alright.” Clive obliged happily, giving the wolf some well deserved attention. Clive had been overworking himself, and Torgal knew. Afterward they slowed down a bit, closing in on the area the assassin was spotted. Torgal growled, and Clive looked where Torgal was focussed on. A person, looking like his target behind a canyon corner. Without hesitation, Clive shot forward using his Phoenix powers. With a haul of his sword, he ambushed his target. A full power attack hit a puff of black wisps of smoke. “What the..” In the corner of his eye a giant fist stopped a hair's breath from his face. 

“Do you even look when you attack!? You bastard! Nearly killed me. Ruined my lunch too.” The giant fist of white energy disappeared, revealing the hooded person behind it.

“Y/N?!”

“I should've decked you.” You fumed, crossing your arms. You still looked the same, except for a black scarf covering your neck and face. Your clothes were tattered, multiple attempts made to fix tears and holes. He wondered why he couldn’t feel that you were close. Just that you were not dead. Which he had almost single handedly made happen.

“I…didn't expect you here.” Clive could only say.

“I was on my way back to the Hideaway, but heard of this assassin in Sanbreque.” You showed him the same target paper Clive also had. He showed the paper to you as well. “Felt like a good one for the way back.” You added, and Clive nodded. “How have you been? Grew out your hair? It's been like six months right?” You asked enthusiastically.

“Seven.” Clive replied dryly. He looked at you, his sword still in hand. “Find what you were looking for?” Clive asked, ignoring your questions.

“Kind off.” You replied vaguely. Torgal happily walked around the two of you, recognizing you. “Oh hey Torgal. Have you been a good wolf?” You asked, petting his head when he passed. He barked in response. Then he started growling, looking behind you. You and Clive turned around.

“What's going on here? Two lovers secretly meeting up?” The voice revealed a new person entering the fray. Clive stepped forward, as the actual assassin had revealed himself.

“I'll take care of this clown.” Clive declared as he stood in front of you.

“Yeah you wish.” You stepped forward. Clive and you exchanged a glare. The assassin didn't wait, drawing daggers and jumping into action. You both sidestepped back, still glaring at each other. “Finishing blow pays for drinks.” You said, challenging him.

“Fine. Don't complain if you get hurt.” Clive knew he was being petty. It was unlike him, but the fact that you so casually showed up in his business irritated him. You just shrugged in response. Then you both ran at the assassin, who was spitting fire. Clive looked to his side, seeing that you were still as fast as ever. But the smirk on your face caught his attention. It seems like you were truly enjoying this. The bantering, the fighting, and the protecting. Clive let you go ahead, as you disappeared in a puff of smoke, only to appear above the enemy with a Eikon powered axe kick. 

Yeah. I can do stuff like this now.

You staggered the assassin, and Clive assaulted him with a flurry of attacks. The fighting you did in Waloed had been paramount to these new technique discoveries. For some reason they appeared in your mind, and you could get creative with them. You summoned your scythe and tried to attack again, but Clive got in your way. He was actively blocking you from getting hits in. And just like that, it turned into a battle royale.

You grabbed his cloak to get him off-balance, before kicking him to the side. He pulled you and the assassin into a tornado. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” You mumbled as you swirled around in the vertical storm. You teleported out of there before you released dark slashes of energy from your side towards the assassin. Clive ducked in time, not wanting to get caught in the middle. The tornado subsided, and the assassin quickly got back up on his feet. You already flashed towards him.

“Who are you people?! You’re just toying around with me, are you?!” He exclaimed, panic on his face.

“Yes.” You and Clive replied in unison. He had summoned Titan’s fist, and your arm was engulfed with the power of Prometheus. Back to back, you both uppercutted the enemy, crushing his jaw in the process.

You turned towards each other. “New powers?” You asked Clive, panting a little.

“Yeah. You?” He asked in response.

“Learned some new tricks, yeah.” You replied between pants. Your gazes were locked onto each other, emerald hues looking at cerulean ones. You imagined stepping forward, grabbing his face with both your bandaged and battered hands. You imagined pressing your lips to his, surprise etched on his face. You imagined him dropping his arms to your waist, holding you tightly. But you stood still, looking at him and leaving at what it was. Your imagination. 

Am I that depraved? That desperate for human touch?

You wondered, and shook your head to dispel the thought. “Something on your mind?” Clive asked. You looked back at him, taking out your white dagger. Then you threw it straight at the assassin, who was still breathing. It hit him in his forehead.

“Yeah. I win.” Clive’s eyes widened, and you gave him a petty smirk.

“Hmmph.” Clive snorted. You sat down on the nearest rock, catching your breath. “I would like to return by sundown, can you walk?” Clive asked, a bit worried about your condition.

“Yeah, give me a minute.”

You walked side by side in silence for a while, until you started lagging behind. It’s not that Clive walked fast. You had intensively used your powers for the past months, and now it seemed to catch up with you. Or well, it was already doing that for a while, but you had to show off to Clive. He stopped, looking back at you. You gave him a strained smile.

Damnit. Nothing’s changed huh? 

You internally cursed, but Clive had already lowered himself, ready to pick you up. With his arms back, he expected you to climb on his back. “What do you think you’re doing?” You huffed, your pride in danger.

“You’re tired aren’t you? I can carry you.”

“Clive.. I’m an adult. A piggyback ride is not really-”

“I don’t mind.” He replied in earnest.

“I am heavy.” You retorted, ignoring his honest expression.

“Test me.” He challenged. He had you exactly where he wanted, and you climbed on his back. “See? Light as a feather.” Clive got up without any trouble, his arms hooked in the hollow of your knees. Your arms dangled above his chest, while your head rested on his back and neck.

“Flattery will get you nowhere.” You said, as you gave in to your exhaustion. 

Clive knew you had fallen asleep after the first hour of walking. Even Torgal had gone silent, walking beside him. You rested against his back, your head hanging on his shoulder. There was a calmness about the situation. Clive was happy that you were back. A lot of questions were still unasked, but for now this was good enough. 

“We're at the docks. Wake up princess.” Clive announced, after another hour. The sun was starting to set.

“Sorry for slowing you down.” You muttered an apology as Clive put you down.

“You really haven't.” Clive replied, not tired at all. Both of you stepped in the boat, ready to go to the Hideaway. Obolus held out his hand, and both you and Clive gave him his favorite snacks. Chocolates and dried pineapple. He didn't accept gil, as this was for the greater good, but it became custom to supply him with his favorites each time you returned. Obolus looked pleased.

The way back was quiet. It was not the time for a serious conversation. Torgal slept at Clive's feet, and the man seemed to be lost in thought. There was probably a pile of tasks waiting when he got back. Perhaps you could take some of them. Then again, you were not sure if people would just accept that you were back like that. “Sorry I left without talking to you.” You looked at Clive, feeling the need to apologize. “You would've probably convinced me to stay, and that wouldn't have helped.” You added.

Clive sighed. “How would you know that?” He asked, appreciative of your apology.

“You would've been distracted from the mother crystals.” You said, knowing you were right.

“I don't-” Clive fell silent, not sure how to put it into words. “..Anyway. Did you find what you were looking for?”

There was a hint of reluctance on your face. “Yes. I'm not sure what it has cost me, but I feel like I know Prometheus now.” As you didn't elaborate, Clive didn't pry further. 

---

The Tub & Crown was filled this night with joy. Gav had made good progress on intel for the next mother Crystal, and there were new bearers that joined the Hideaway. And on top of that, you had returned. You were surprised with their smiles. People were interested in what you've been up to. “Y/N! We saved you a spot. You owe us some travel tales.” Gav exclaimed as you entered the hall. You ended up at a table with Gav, Tarja, and Jill. Clive joined a bit later, putting down drinks for everyone. He held up to your bet, as he sat down between Gav and Jill. You sat between the two women. You avoided the food on the table, and were happy to just be able to talk about your travels in Sanbreque, and how you ran into Clive. “Should've clogged him!” Gav joked. The story about he had almost killed you was met with snickering and jeers at Clive.

The man himself was drinking at a fast pace. You noticed as he took turns in bringing the two of you drinks, and then getting one for himself. You already had trouble keeping half his pace. You also didn't want to repeat that last drunken mishap, but you weren't about to stop early while you won a bet. “Thanks.” You said to Clive as he brought you and himself another drink. Your cheeks were already red, and you were happy to be seated. Clive nodded, sitting down in his spot and taking a big gulp as if it was his first drink of the day. You saw his Adam's apple bob when he downed at least half his tankard. You shifted your attention away from Clive. “What have you guys been up to?” You looked at Jill first.

“We are now reaching numbers at the Hideaway that we’re starting teaching classes.” Jill said with a huge smile. “You should join sometime. Hortense and I teach sewing, Molly cooking, and we have a group for the garden.” The offer might sound enticing to any new person that had arrived, but to you it felt like you would be extremely out of place. Still, you didn't want to dismiss Jill.

“Alright. I'll think about it.” You could imagine Jill having such ladylike skills. Her and Hortense explain with grace and kindness. You, a blunt object would not fit. Another drink let these thoughts drift away. You had missed several new additions to the Hideaway, including a woman named Vivian. She had already gone to bed, which turned out to be your old bed.

“You can sleep at the infirmary tonight, and we'll find you something tomorrow.” Tarja assured.

“Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

“Don't worry. I'll also ask Hortense to make you some new clothes. It seems you're still living in her last creation.”

In the meantime, small talk had started between Gav, Clive, and Jill, catching up on their week. Tarja shoved a plate of snacks towards you. “You've been drinking enough, without eating.” She whispered.

“I'm not hungry.” You replied, staring at your half empty mug of ale. Tarja sighed before grabbing her fork. She stabbed a small piece of meat, and when you wanted to protest, she quickly shoved the fork in your mouth.

“Things have changed while you were gone.” Tarja said, still whispering. “I've had more patients unwilling to eat, just so you know, I managed. ” A shiver went down your spine, as Tarja gave you a smile to hide the threat. You removed the fork from your mouth, biting on the meat and quickly swallowing. It was tender, slightly spicy. Tarja took a sip of her drink, not giving a care. Luckily for you, that kept the food down, and you were happy the others were engaged in conversation. Or so you thought.

Clive had seen it, the exchange distracting him. Seeing your face so red, and Tarja smiling at you, Clive wondered if there was something going on between you two. He hadn't considered you being into women, but it was possible. Your interest in the Veil, always eating in the infirmary to be close to Tarja. His mind raced to past encounters with you, and you had never seemed to eat with anyone, except Tarja. “...Clive, are you okay? You seem out of it.” Jill asked, looking at him questioningly.

“He's just been drinkin’ like a madman.” Gav said, slapping Clive on his back jokingly.

“I'm fine..” His voice slurred  and that was his queue to retreat for the night. “I'll go to bed.” Clive stated and got up slightly wobbly. Jokes were made, that wouldn't even be funny without booze. The group watched Clive go. Everyone reeked of alcohol, and you found that hilarious.

“So Gav.” Your voice slurred. “Anything I missed from your side?”

“I had double shifts thanks to you.” Gav grumbled, but you felt no ill will from him.

“Oh. Clive running you ragged?”

Gav shrugged. “Eh. Nothing I can't handle.” His eyes were hazy, and his movements uncontrolled. Jill chuckled at the sight. Her cheeks were red, and she had fallen silent. The Ale had given you more courage so you decided to follow the man that had left a few minutes ago. You'd finally tell him what you wanted. Clive's room wasn't that far, and you said your good night's to the others. 

You knocked a few times and went in anyway. Still, you were surprised to see Clive in a disheveled state, looking at you with shock in his eyes. His armor laid neatly on the desk. Which meant he was currently in his pants, holding his shirt in front of his bare chest. “Oh! Sorry… I thought…” What were you thinking exactly? You certainly had trouble keeping your eyes up.

“C-can I help you?” Clive stuttered, confused by your sudden appearance.

“I…uhm.” You had trouble standing straight, swiveling a bit. You gathered your thoughts and looked at him. You couldn't get a very sharp view of him. You should've stayed seated, not ambush the poor man. “I want to join you with the next mother Crystal.” Unsure if that was a correct sentence, but you felt it got the message across. In case Clive was wondering what had you coming here in this state, this was not his expectation. The logical thing to do here was to send you away, promising to discuss this tomorrow.

“What?” He asked, slowly sitting down on the bed not to fall over.

“Don't leave me out.” You said. You tried to be firm, but your voice was a slur.

“Leave you out?” Clive asked as you fumbled with your fingers. “You always… leave yourself out….. but not now?” He looked back at you. The burning questions that Clive had been able to keep to himself now came out as the alcohol had removed his preservations.

“We had this conversation already.” You replied, steadying yourself.

“I'm not going to take you along if…” He seemed to be looking for words. His voice was slower, and you took a shaky step forward. “It feels like I don't really know you.” Clive said, looking at you with a defeated gaze. He had tried the past years. Get you to open up, giving you all the space you need. But to ask this of him, even though you had skills, seemed unfair to him. Your mouth opened, before closing again.

“...That's fair.” You settled on accepting the accusation, surprising Clive. “...I don't…” You pointed your thumb at your chest. “Even know who I am or what I want. I've been whatever anyone asks of me. So that I can belong somewhere.” You took another step forward, to avoid falling over. “I thought I was… finding out why I'm here.” Now you took a step back. “But I'm…”

Once again… just trying to be useful. 

You stared at your hands. You traveled alone for a while, but you learned about Prometheus, not yourself. Your captivity and thieving never allowed you to be yourself. And you still hadn't been at the Hideaway. Not really. The alcohol sends your mind reeling. Clive's comment made you think. Your vision was hazy. Then your mind settled on your scouting adventures. You had risked your life for those bearers. You would've been dead if it wasn't for Clive, Jill, and Gav. You made that decision on your own, as stupid as that had been. Your gaze moved back to Clive. “Give me a chance.” You said. “I've already been here for years. It's your fault for missing out. Yes I'm a liar, and a loner.” You stepped forward, fists clenched. “I still have a long way to go, and that's just how it is.” You were almost panting, with anxiety and ferocity in your voice. You had given Clive a piece of your mind, and it felt good. Pointing your finger at him, you were ready for a final statement. “In any case, I'm committed to your goal, even if you don't see it. I'll keep trying to convince you, or I'll die trying.”

Clive had been looking at you monologuing. A smile appeared on his face, which sorely confused you. “That's all I needed to hear.” His smile increased, just like your confusion.

“What?”

“I'm trusting you to have my back next time.” Clive replied, standing up.

“...You… were testing me?” You wobbled, losing your balance. Clive didn't think, dropping the shirt and stepped in to steady you.

“I was.” Clive admitted, his hands holding you up.

“That's pretty mean of you.” You muttered, looking up in his eyes. It earned you a chuckle. “..I guess I got what I came for.” You continued, slowly escaping from Clive's support. He was warm, even though he wasn't wearing a shirt.  

You steadied yourself and were about to leave. “...Are you going to the infirmary?” Clive asked, looking at you. “...Can you…Will you stay? I have plenty of space here.” You looked at him in drunken disbelief.

“What are you saying?” You replied, your voice lowering. Clive got into his bed, lying on his side. His back revealed plenty of space for you to sleep.

“....I think I missed you.” Clive had so many responsibilities. So many lives depended on him. Having the whole of Valisthea depend on him could sure make a person lonely, you thought. That's how you convinced yourself to just give in. You got into the bed, still in your clothes but without your boots, your back against his. You shared warmth, and it felt calm. Better than the infirmary, you told yourself. It didn't take long for sleep to come.

---

Clive woke up with a headache. Served him right after yesterday. He was lying on his back, small slivers of sunlight shining through crevices of his chamber. His arm felt heavy, and he looked to his side to find you. Sleeping on his shoulder, with your arm over his stomach. He was reminded of his drunken stupidity. ‘My bed is better than the infirmary’ made him cringe internally. He was supposed to be better than this. Courtship was supposed to be more classy, less drunken stupor. Clive shook his head. There was no courtship here. Your hand was warm, and Clive put his own over yours, a soft caress over your skin. You didn't seem to be waking. Clive shifted slightly, pressing a kiss on your silvery hair. He switched himself out for his pillow, watching you cuddle with it. A wry smile appeared on his face. You looked so peaceful. Every step he took towards his armor on his desk, away from you made the pit in his stomach larger. But duty called. No time for indulging. This was a mistake. 

You woke up in silence, a pillow in your arms. The other side of the bed was cold. There was a plate of food at the edge though. Berries, sweet bread and honey. 

How kind.

You thought sarcastic. You felt used. He didn't want to be alone during the night. Didn't he get that you didn't want to be alone during the day? 

…No. That doesn't sound right.

He had asked you about it. Tried to understand. People disappointed you at some point. They were unreliable. You ate in silence. Of course he hadn't waited for you. Not after he had to carry you yesterday. Not with your stupid eating habits. But you survived. You were better off alone. By yourself. And yet, you were here again. Yesterday was fun. You helped take down an assassin. You liked these people. You sat on the edge of the bed. You had asked Clive to let you join next time, you realized. “Heh.” You ran a hand through your hair. You'd protect him. Follow him to the end of the world if you had to. Steeling your resolve, you stood up. You still had your clothes on, so no need to do anything else. You were just going to do what you did best. Help out wherever you could.

You jaw slacked in awe a few days later when Hortense presented you with new clothes. Navy leather pants, a new white shirt without sleeves, and an apple green jacket with thicker padding for protection. It all fitted perfectly and you assumed she had saved your sizes. “...I love it. Thank you so much.” You stammered, admiring the jacket in particular. It was a bit shorter on the back, and you could roll up the sleeves.

“We used the coloring from new plants that we're growing.” Hortense said, pride in her voice. You would still be in your old rags if it weren't for the people in the Hideaway. You tucked away your daggers before heading off to your first task on a long list. Otto was apparently also happy that you were back. 

Chapter Text

In the next upcoming weeks, Clive had only seen you a couple of times. And it was always brief. You were both busy. He was happy to see that everyone at the Hideaway felt comfortable enough to share their load with you. And you handled it great. Several missives on his desk had mentioned you, how you helped them out. Moreover, you were an immense help to the cursebreakers, and even finished tasks that were on the bottom of his own list. It seemed your scouting skills were improving. Compared to him however, it turned out you had more time for Otto and Jill. Not just small talk. 

You saw Otto working on some papers on a table across from the hunting board. He seemed like the perfect person for your experiment. So you fetched a plate of food, what could be described as a light lunch. “Don't mind me.” You said as you sat across from him. Otto blocked people behind him from looking at you, and there was no one else at the table. Otto wasn't stupid, he just shrugged and continued with his work. Your mouth was dry. But you still forced yourself to eat. You didn't taste the cheese that much, too focussed on keeping the food inside. 

You're disgusting.

Your father's voice filled your mind, and your heartbeat rose. 

Don't be near me when you eat. 

You looked down at your plate. You just had a few bites, but you felt sick. Otto took out his waterskin and shoved it towards you. “You should stay hydrated.” He said, still reading his papers. You had forgotten your own in your nervousness. Gratefully, you took a big gulp. And you continued eating. You were ever so careful to leave no crumbs on your face. You sat straight, imitating Jill. She was a Lady. No one would call her disgusting. But alas, you were not a Lady. And you were sweating. 

Ridiculous.

You were tormenting yourself. Rather fighting an army than eating lunch close to someone else. You took a deep breath. You were halfway. “Can you read this for me?” Otto asked, sliding you a piece of paper. “I feel like it could be better, but I've been staring at it for too long.” You snorted.

Me? Hah. 

“I don't think I'm right-” You started.

“I don't see anyone else here right now.” Otto interrupted.

“Fine.” There were difficult words in there, but you understood the gist of it. “What does ‘abjure’ mean?” You asked.

“To say formally or publicly that you no longer agree with a belief or way of behaving.” Otto replied, still looking at the papers. You took some more time to read.

“You could send the cursebreakers to the north instead of the west. Me or Gav can probably manage that part.” You continued, pointing out some places on the map Otto had with him. Your eyes went back to the paper, eating some bread in between. Otto looked at you, and then back at the map.

“That would make things easier maybe. We really need to get rid of this imperial interference.” He made some notes on another paper. 

In the end, you managed to finish your plate. It wasn't a nice experience, but Otto wasn't like your father. “We should do this more often.” Otto said, before he packed his stuff. As if he had waited for you to finish. 

---

Clive was enthusiastic when Otto updated him on the small adjustments that you had suggested. Both men were hunched over a map on Clive's desk. “She didn't know it was about the Twins.” Otto added.

“What do you think?” Clive asked the older man.

“Cid's always right Clive. Even though she's been avoiding you, I'm glad she's sticking around. A weird one, for sure, but she grows on you.”

“I was asking about the plan but- come again?”

Otto crossed his arms. “I need you two to get your shit together. Otherwise it means more work for me.” Otto said, not wanting to get involved. He bid Clive farewell after that, another delivery arriving on the docks. 

Clive found you at the docks when he was done for the day, in your usual spot. You didn't even hear him coming closer. “There you are.” He started, earning him a jolt as you jumped in surprise.

“Fuck. Don't sneak up on me like that.” You said, staring at him with eyes widened.

“I wasn't trying to.” Clive replied, holding up his hands. He quickly checked, you weren't eating. “Can I join you?”

“...Sure.”

“We're leaving for the crystalline dominion soon. Are you still-” Clive started.

“Yeah. Don't worry.” You said quickly. Dusk was approaching, and you had your eyes on the sky. Clive sat down next to you, after setting his sword to the side against the wall.

“I read some missives today praising your work.” He looked up at the sky, a smile on his face.

“Really?” You seemed surprised, looking at him.

“You did a great job.” Clive added, driving the point home. You looked away, hiding your flushed face. It was not often that your work was praised.

“They didn't need to do that. Just doing what I can.” You downplayed your efforts. It made you quite uncomfortable, getting praised. Perhaps they wanted something from you in the future, buttering you up. Well-used tactic from yourself in the wild.

“You're actually quite selfless, for the fact that you've been a thief for years.” Clive said, a quick glance over to you.

It earned him a wry smile, as you were still staring at the sky. “I did what I had to to survive, now that everything is provided for me, I can give back. So others don't have to go through what I went through. I'm privileged to be here, I realized that even more when I was away.” You hugged your knees, lowering your gaze to the sea. No one needed to be this kind to you. But they all were. If they needed something from you, they could just tell you, and you would give it if you could. “That brings us to you.” You looked to your side at Clive, who looked back at you. “Do you need anything from me?” It could've been phrased nicer, but you had been avoiding Clive and weren't up for another confusing conversation.

“Not really. I had some free time and I came to check on the loner of the Hideaway.” Clive said, leaning back, but never leaving your gaze. Your eyes narrowed at him. You were not into this nickname.

“You don't need to check on me. Why not spend your time with Jill? Or Gav. Or maybe take care of yourself for once.” Your eyes rested on the scar on his cheek. A permanent mark of the hardships he's had. And more to come. And here he was, still finding time to dangle his legs off the pier and check on you.

Clive chuckled. “Gav and Jill are not avoiding me. I caught up with them this afternoon. And the day before that.” He ignored your other suggestion.

Ah. Was it that obvious?

“Fair enough.” You replied, turning your head back to stare at the ripples in the water from the quiet breeze setting in.

“You don't seem to want to prove me wrong.” Clive said, a hint of sadness in his voice.

“I don't want to lie to you.” You replied, embarrassed you got caught.

“I hope I didn't do anything to hurt you.” He said with a crestfallen look on his face, and you felt your heart break.

“You should not have asked me to sleep in your room.” You failed to go into detail.

“You need to give me a bit more than that.” Clive replied. You could not read his expression. He had always been hard to read.

“I can't.” You said after a moment of silence. You were unsure what you felt, and this man had his sights on someone else.

“Why not?” Clive said, and looked ahead.

“Because….” You bite your lip. “..I'm not a loner.” You whispered. You didn't want to be one. Sure, you sometimes need time to yourself. But you preferred helping people out, and moving around. Clive gave you a confused look. You hugged your knees tighter. “I… don't want to talk about it with you.”

“...I can see that you're hurt. Is there anyone else I can get for you?” He was hurt by your reply, but if someone else could help you, that was more important.

“No. Just… just leave me be, Clive.”

 “Okay…have a good night then.” Clive replied, still crestfallen. He bid you farewell, still having some reports to go through. 

So there you sat silently on the docks, feeling like you wanted to throw anything into the water. You'd throw yourself in if you could. His kindness was too much for you to handle. Everything of his was too much for you. You admired Clive. He had what you so sorely lacked. Those icy blue eyes could make you feel alive. Make you feel seen. You sighed heavily, getting on your feet. You should distance yourself before getting disappointed in the future. And you felt that you had already made the first step.

—

You, Jill, Torgal and Clive were ready to set out for the Crystalline Dominion. You would meet up with Goetz once there, and execute your attack on Drake's Tail. Since it was your first time on such a big endeavor, you were mostly support. Protect Jill and Clive from the rear. Your healing would definitely come in handy. 

Aside from the occasional monster slaying, your trip was fairly quiet. You avoided the main roads, as you didn’t want to be seen. That also meant that you would camp out during the night. One time would suffice, and Clive already had a spot in mind. A cave around east Dhalmekia. The sun just went under, and you and Jill sat comfortably close to a fire. Your bed rolls were already behind you. Clive and Torgal were looking for extra wood to stay warm during the night.

“I was wondering…” Jill started, seemingly having difficulty breaching an unknown topic. “I’m interested to know how you would steal anything.” She looked at you, full of questions.

“Are you interested in learning, or-” You asked, raising your eyebrow.

“No, more on how to better spot and protect myself against such a person.”

“Okay. That makes sense. Let me give you a demonstration then.” You pointed towards where Clive went, and Jill followed your arm. “When Clive gets back, keep your focus there. I’ll steal his earring.” You adjusted her view gently with your hand on her head. A friendly touch, masking your other hand movement. “I’ll explain at the end.” You pocketed her gil pouch. It didn’t take long for Clive and Torgal to return. You and Jill waited until the both of them were seated. “Alright, I got a story for you two.” You started, picking the right mask for your little performance. It wasn’t all just handsy work. Jill looked excited, while Clive had no idea where this came from. He just looked at you with slightly raised eyebrows. His gaze shifted to Jill, who seemed into it, so he just shrugged. Anything to pass the time in a merry mood, he told himself.

“A long time ago, in a country far, far away from here, there was a Kingdom. The current King was old, but not just so old to retire. He had an elder and a younger son.” You started, making gestures, and switching your gaze between Clive and Jill. Torgal had settled on Clive’s left side, your right. “The elder son was ready to rule, just as the younger one. In this Kingdom, it was tradition that the eldest would take over the crown, but this was not mandatory. However, the youngest was deemed unable to father children. Another advantage for the elder son. However, the King was still uncertain. Since neither were on the throne yet anyway, they needed to find other means of passing time.” You stood up, to start enacting the next part.

“And so, they hired different people to provide them entertainment. There was one person in particular that drew their attention. A jokester, who could do it all. Juggle, tell stories, make them laugh with jokes, and lend a listening ear.” You juggled with your daggers and a poison vial, capturing the attention of your audience. You effortlessly held the items in the air, having practiced tricks like this since you started out as a jaded dagger. “However, this jokester would not reveal their face.” You wrapped your scarf around your head, only revealing your eyes after pocketing your juggling items.

“Your majesties, I was born with a great illness, which has turned me horrendous. I would not like to burden your eyes with a visage like mine.” You lowered your voice, adding mystery to the part. You still had their attention. “The two princes reacted completely differently to this news. The eldest was wary of the jokester, and treated him like a lesser being. Verbal and physical abuse were common in the presence of the eldest. Meanwhile, the younger prince felt sorry for the jokester, and treated him with the kindness he used to.” You elaborated, before your eyes rested on Clive. “Is it okay if I pretend you’re the elder prince?” You said out of character.

“Okay.” Clive wasn’t really the right pick for a mean prince, but Jill fitted the role better of a younger prince.

“Will you play the younger prince, Jill?” Your eyes revealed a smile on your face, and Jill happily played along. You nodded, returning to your role. “So, as you can imagine, the jokester got fed up with the treatment from the elder prince.” You approached Clive. “Is it okay if I touch you?” You asked Clive for permission. Unlike the usual people you told this story to, Clive wasn’t drunk and interested in grabbing your ass. Clive nodded, expecting you to grab his hand or something. “The jokester waited until it was night, and made his way into the chambers of the prince. There, he got on top of the elder prince.” Clive watched with widened eyes as you put his legs down and sat sideways on his thighs, facing Jill.

“There, the jokester took off his mask, revealing a beautiful woman.” You took off your scarf, resting your gaze on Clive. If his heart was beating faster because of how close you were, you didn’t notice. Too caught up in your act, all smiles and flirty looks, you continued your story. “The elder prince was too stunned, for he was sure the jokester had in fact a hideous appearance.” You placed your hands on his shoulders, twisting your upper body his way. “My dear prince. I’m a witch, ordered by your father to see which of you two would be able to rule his Kingdom best. You have treated me horribly, and I’ve come to curse you.” You gave him a wicked smile, squeezing his shoulders. That was your second friendly touch, and you could see Clive was flustered. Jill was watching intently.

“The witch used her magic, taking the family jewels from the elder prince.” You saw Clive stare at you, not too happy about his role. You chuckled in response. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to enact that.” You said with your own voice. Instead, you put your hands on his face, and stared right at him. His stubble met your bandaged hands. You had his full attention. “The witch had taken that which had given him advantage over his kinder younger brother.” While you still had Clive’s full attention, you swiped the family jewelry from his ear. You half expected him to catch you, but the concurrent touches were probably too distracting. “Then, the witch made her way to the younger prince’s chambers.”

You got up from Clive’s lap, and walked over to Jill, getting down in front of her on one knee. “My dearest young prince. Your father has chosen you to be the next King of this Kingdom. Would you be so willing, I could help you father a child.” And you finished your story by presenting Jill’s gil pouch and Clive’s earring. Jill recognized her pouch, and she looked at you in shock.

“When did you-” Jill started. Clive saw his earring in your hand, and it was indeed his, his ear now devoid of the Rosfield crest. You handed Jill her pouch back, and walked back to Clive. “I asked Y/N for a, uhm, presentation of her skills.” Jill explained, trying to put it nicely.

You shook your head. “Don't need to say it so friendly.” Clive stuck out his hand, not so happy with your little performance. 

Understandable.

You returned his earring and sat back down next to Jill, but with more space between you two this time. Your façade crumbled, and you had a strained smile on your face. “You'll need to watch out for small, seemingly insignificant touches. Like a bump to the shoulder. A touch on the head. A hand on the thigh. They either do something at the second touch if the person is expecting you. Otherwise they'll do something parallel to the accidental touch.” Jill nodded at your explanation. Clive was silent. “I'm sorry.” You continued. “I should've just-” Old habits die hard. You hadn't done this for years, and still it was second nature to put up that fake smile and rob people of their belongings. You jumped on this little demonstration like a coeurl starved for meat. “I got carried away. I did this stuff daily, targeting rich men in ale halls. The moment they got their hands on me, I'd rob them blind.”

They could see you took no pleasure in sharing this. If anything, it was shameful. Dio probably picked you up because you were a girl. Clive had his arms crossed, his brows furrowed. He recognized your little play from the first day he had met you. When you cooked for the people of the Hideaway. The moment you sat with him and Cid, you were different. A protection mechanism. “It's easier to fake it than to be myself.” You felt miserable at the realization. Then again, people liked you better when you were the flirty storyteller.

“I prefer you being yourself.” Jill always knew what to say. Her face was sincere, and that friendly smile was always there. You could only give her a wry smile in return.

“I agree. And, let me be the younger prince next time alright?” Clive joked, and you snorted in response.

“You'd prefer me to sit on top of Jill instead? You're shrewd, Lord Rosfield.” You replied, your adopted personality not completely gone. Jill blushed heavily, narrowing her eyes at Clive.

“N-No! I just-” He fell silent, at a loss for words until you burst out laughing. Then Jill followed. And finally Clive chuckled along. 

—

You arrived at Twinside according to plan. The sun was setting, which provided perfect cover for your attack. Jill and Clive walked in front, you a few meters behind in case something happened. And as if on cue, Jill looked back at you after someone bumped into her. 

Oh, she's good. 

You saw Jill knew that she was being robbed, but to avoid attention she didn’t act. Looking back at you quickly, trusting you to handle it. Not a problem. You bumped into the person, retrieving Jill’s pouch. Then you recognized that blond hairdo, and you grabbed his arm, teleporting to the nearest alleyway. “Long time no see, Cassian.” You hissed, pushing him against the wall.

“Y/N! What the fuck are you doing here?! How did you-” You pressed a dagger against his throat when he started struggling. Cassian was about your height, but you were now stronger than him.

“Surprised to see me?” You asked, anger slowly boiling. “Did you think I was dead?” You pressed the dagger further into his skin, a trickle of blood dripping into his shirt.

“Ugh-”

“Is Dio near?”

“No.” Cassian shook his head slightly.

“Tell him I’m coming for him. He should watch his back. And you, stay the fuck away. Next time I see you, you’re dead.” You threatened, and disappeared with wisps of black smoke.

When you thought all was quiet again, sudden explosions rang in the air. People were screaming, and buildings were collapsing. The sun had set, turning the sky black. It was all the more visible that Bahamut took to the skies. With a look of awe you stared at the giant dragon flapping its wings. And when it charged an attack, it was Clive who dragged you to the side. “We need to go to the bell tower and find Goetz.” You nodded, and the four of you sprung into action.

“Holy fuck.” You swore, following Clive and Jill parkouring over the buildings. When the dragoons showed up, you wondered if you bit off more than you could chew. Seeing Clive, Jill and even Torgal tackle the enemies with finesse and skill, you knew you needed to step up.

Chapter Text

As expected you were not welcome in Twinside. What you did not expect was a dragon. Bahamut was still in the sky, ravaging the city. This was another dragon, firing ice projectiles. You ducked to the side and shook your head. You had been in Waloed, of all places. Now was not the time to get nervous. You summoned the armor on your arms and your scythe. You, Clive, Jill, and Torgal each took a side, attacking the dragon from all directions. After a long and tedious battle, the ice dragon met its demise.

“There you are!” Goetz deemed it safe to approach, and the group met up with the merchant. He seemed to look safe, and you all took a moment to recollect yourself. Everyone took a moment to refill their bags with supplies from Goetz.

“You okay?” Clive asked, seeing you breathing heavy. You curtly nodded in return. “Alright, I think we’re ready to go.” Clive told Jill, and she nodded. 

The next wave of enemies had you shocked. “Watch out for the swift attacks of the Necrophobe.” Jill warned you.

“The what now?” You sidestepped another enemy while Clive went ahead for the boss. Jill chuckles and the both of you follow Clive into battle.
A sudden roar and screech from the sky alarmed Clive, and he looked up in shock.

“Joshua?!” He exclaimed, seeing that his younger brother was very much alive and fighting Bahamut. “We need to hurry!” He shouted at you and Jill. You both nodded, and you continued your way to the council chambers, the highest and most important building of Twinside.
A few sets of stairs later, and Clive bashed open a door. Jill, Torgal, and you followed inside.

“Is someone there?!” An unfamiliar voice screamed. You could see a woman sitting on a bench, protecting a scared child next to her.

“Mother!” Clive exclaimed, angriness in his voice you were not familiar with. Clive had been angry with you before, but this was different.

“It’s you….” The woman replied, looking at Clive with eyes widened in shock.

“What happened here?” Clive asked, his voice low.

“He…He tried to take him from me.” The woman wailed, her hands firmly on what seemed to be her son. 

Clive’s half- brother then? What’s going on?

“Oh, my boy…” She withheld tears, but was in a panic. Her body was shaking, and her breaths were quick and heavy. “My darling…darling boy!” Clive was right there, and this woman only cared for the little one in her arms.

“Is this the child you made with the emperor?” Clive’s voice was heavy, filled with rage. His brows were furrowed as he approached his mother. “Why, mother? Why did you betray us all?”

“You have no right..” She replied, finally looking at Clive. Her face contorted in anger, and her voice spit venom. She pushed back her child, and stood up to approach Clive.

Jill stepped in, her sword raised, pointed at Clive’s mother. “Answer him!”

“We took you in, savage! Show some respect for those who raised you!” The woman replied, pulling back slightly. You were too stunned to move. You watched from the rear. You recognized that look on her face all too well. Jill however, was unfazed. She stepped forward, forcing Clive’s mother to take steps back. The talk between them continued about noble blood and some more topics that were over your head. You could only focus on her face. Your father had looked the same way at you, and you realized Clive had a mother who was the same way. Torgal stepped protectively in front of you, realizing that you were panicking.

“You sold your country for a child?!” Jill exclaimed, which brought you back to reality.

“Why did you need another? You had Joshua!” Clive shouted, turning away from his mother.

“I had nothing! You were always your father’s son- so very strong, and bold, and daring. And yet you failed to awaken! Would that Joshua had been granted a tenth of your strength!” A wry smile on your face.

If anyone had gotten a tenth of Clive’s strength… Here I am, shaking in my boots.

She threw something at Clive, and you were too late to teleport in. It was a glass cup, and Clive wasn’t fazed when the thing bounced off his chest. “How the nobles laughed- that Elwin’s firstborn was surely the son of a concubine, and my own not long for this world! The shame of it! The shame of being slandered by one’s inferiors! How could you ever know how that feels?! It should’ve been you! Why didn’t the Phoenix choose you?!” She pointed at Clive, an ongoing rage in her voice.

“Joshua’s every waking moment was spent trying to shoulder the burden that you, and the Phoenix, and the duchy foisted on him!” Clive replied, his voice filled with rage. “That’s why I became his Shield! To help bear the weight!” He was shouting now, and you could feel the rage radiating from him. “But what did you do? You betrayed your own blood, and surrendered your son to his fate!”

“Joshua.. my darling boy…” His mother replied, melancholy in her voice. She looked at the ceiling, as if she could see him there. “I never meant to hurt him. The soldiers’ orders were clear. He was to be spared… Why did you survive, when the only one I truly cared for died?” Your heart broke, and tears spilled from your eyes. It was like your father was screaming at you. And when you realized Clive had been going through the same thing, you felt like the world crumbled around you. You bit your lip, staying silent. You could not see Clive’s reaction, and it made your stomach churn.

“ What? Have you not looked out of the window?” Clive replied, biting back rage. He walked over to the window, pointing outside. “Joshua is here! The Phoenix lives on! He’s battling Bahamut as we speak!” Her eyes widened in shock, and right at that moment, a massive impact on the room, destroying half of the chamber. She screamed, and you turned to look. The rubble cleared slowly, revealing the Phoenix, laying down after being forced into the building by Bahamut. Red energy surrounded him, and you could see him revert to his original form. “Joshua!” Clive shouted, running towards the figure.

You and Jill followed quickly. Clive’s mother made no attempt to get closer. “Wake up!” Clive grabbed his brother by his shoulders, taking him in his arms. He panicked. You saw Bahamut flying towards all of you. The dragon above roared, and you all looked up. Joshua was unconscious in Clive’s arms.

You clenched your fists. It was time to move. “Let me help him.” You said to Clive, and he surrendered his brother to you, quickly giving you a glance. With the amount of monsters you had defeated to get here, you were quite capable of healing. You immediately let the silver energy rush through your fingers.

“I am a Shield of Rosaria…. And I will do my duty!” Clive shouted, staring Bahamut down. The confidence and rage he radiated was powerful, a warmth palpable in the whole area.

“What are you-” Jill started, surprised. You already knew. You focussed on Joshua, getting him stable. But when you felt the presence of Ifrit, you looked up in awe. A monstrous roar echoed through the area. Joshua was awoken by it, as he tried to get up.

“Clive?” He stammered. “Clive!” More confident now, as he stood up and wriggled from your grasp. Ifrit looked back, a quick glance before glaring back at Bahamut. Ifrit jumped up, and the fight took to the skies. You all watched the mothercrystal unfold with surprise and shock.

“I’m not going to sit quietly and wait until this is over.” You said to Jill. “I’m going outside, see if I can help wounded people on the streets.” You wanted to do so much more. But you would get in the way. You were not ready to have Ifrit’s back yet.

Jill nodded. “I’ll stay here to keep an eye on them.” You already saw Joshua moving to support Clive. 

Good. Now let’s see what I can do.

It was pure chaos. Buildings were collapsing, and imperial soldiers were everywhere. Not to help, but to carry out Bahamut’s orders. Which apparently were to kill on sight. You summoned your armor with your scythe, starting to clear a path so that it might be easier to escape with everyone later on. Waves and waves of enemies kept approaching, and you wondered if there would ever be an end to it. “...Help!” A young woman screamed, her legs stuck under a pile of rocks.

“On my way!” You teleported to her, clearing the rocks with a push motion. A silvery hand appeared mid air that blasted the rubble away. There was bone sticking out her leg, and you immediately started healing. It would not solve that completely, but she should be able to walk afterwards. “Hang on. You’re going to be okay.” She was sobbing, holding on tightly to your jacket. The adrenaline rush kept you fully focussed, and when you had teleported her to a safe place, you continued your way.

Slowly your deemed safe area increased around the tower, and the people you put together increased by number. Just like the defeated enemies and wounds on your body. You were definitely slowing down now. You used the scythe as a cane, walking until you found a new enemy. You left the healing powers for Clive and Joshua, or anyone that may need it more than you. They were just cuts and bruises anyway. One of those dragoons had tried an attack aimed at your face, and you barely dodged, leaving a cut above your eyebrow that was limiting sight. With a deep sigh, you decided to heal that a little to stop the bleeding. The fighting in the air wasn’t close to stopping, explosions still ringing in the air. 

They have it worse than me.

And so you continued. Seeing that Jill was providing you with support from atop the tower.

—

Dispelling your scythe, you crushed the last monster with your magick powered fist that you could find. And reach for that matter. You breathed heavily, and there was not much you could do in this state. You grabbed the unconscious man you just saved under the rubble, ready to heal him. And then you felt a new kind of energy. Your head shot up, and you could see Ifrit fly. “What?” Ifrit had wings? “Wait a minute…” You remembered the tapestry. Bahamut was up into space, and you saw Ifrit speeding towards him. Difficult thoughts would come later. They were going too high up, and you lost sight of them. You continued to heal the man in front of you, occasionally looking back up at the sky.

There were no flares coming through yet. “I jinxed it, didn’t I?” Several attacks from Bahamut were crashing down from the sky. “Prometheus!” You clenched your fists and primed, getting quadruple your size with considerable more power. Prometheus was definitely not as humongous as Bahamut, but was definitely bigger than Ifrit. However, you lacked his jumping power. “Let’s go!” You exclaimed, giving yourself courage. You teleported into the air, scythe fitting your stature in hand. With the size of that weapon, you could easily rend the sky. The air grew colder, and you saw Jill was still backing you up. Shiva was on top of the tower, sending ice towards the flares. 

You flashed through the sky, teleporting again and again to keep airborne. Until the attacks faded. Until the sky was dark and empty. And there was your cue. The three dominants finished their battle in the sky, and they were falling below the skies. On closer look, it didn’t seem like they needed your help. You teleported back to the tower to join up with Jill, seeing who needed healing. 

With labored breaths, you jumped down, silver energy dissipating as you landed next to Jill in what used to be the council chambers. Clive’s mother looked at you weird. “Who are you?!” Her voice was shrill.

Instinctively, you held your scythe up against her, still semi-primed. “Stay back, you monster.” Were the only words you could utter, before someone fell in your arms. He had blonde hair, just like Cassian. Phoenix landed, returning back into Joshua. They were both breathing, the lighter blonde unconscious. You gently put him down as Joshua approached you with trouble. “Let me heal you.” You offered, extending your white arm.

In the back, Clive landed, sprinting towards his brother. “Joshua!” The younger brother had no eyes for you, seeing his older brother approach.

“Clive!” He exclaimed, as they ran towards each other into a hug. They cried into each others arms.

“My..brother..” Clive whispered, holding him tightly.

“I’m…I’m sorry.” Joshua replied, tears running down his face. “I’m so sorry!”

Clive gently stepped back, placing his hands on his brother’s face. “You’re alive…” His gaze was soft, as he looked at his brother. “We both are. Nothing else matters.” He pressed their foreheads briefly against each other before retracting. “I never dared hope that I would see this day…” Clive whispered, his cheeks wet with grateful tears. Joshua embraced Clive again, pressing his face against his shoulder.

You and Jill watched the tearful reunion. “Reunited at last.” Jill said, a broad smile on her face.

Both brothers stepped back, looking your way. “Jill…” Joshua started. Jill put a hand on her mouth, her tears finally breaking through. You smiled warmly at the reunion, as she and Torgal ran towards the two brothers. 

Dion slowly opened his eyes. His ears were ringing. His body felt like it had been crushed over and over. With all the strength that he had left, he sat up. “...This.. is for my father!” He grabbed his spear and hurled it straight at the child. You looked in shock as you saw the kid turn to blue ashes.

Clive’s mother screamed. “No!”

“Hahahaha…..” Dion fell back onto the floor, his consciousness fading. 

Should I help him?

Still, you stood frozen to the ground. You saw Clive’s mother wail in agony, a smile creeping up on your face. The building started shaking, and everyone needed to steady himself. “The building, it’s collapsing!” Jill exclaimed.

“Right! We need to leave.” Clive replied, finally seeing you standing an awkward distance away.

“Wait.” Joshua walked over to Dion. “I owe him a debt.”

“...Fine.” Clive approached, lowering himself. The light that followed was blinding. You heard of this once from Gav. Clive had the power to absorb other Eikons from their Dominants. That must be what was happening now. He groaned in pain, falling to his side.

That forced you to move. “Let me help!” You ran towards them, crouching between Clive and Joshua. “Give me your hands.” You ordered both brothers. Joshua looked at Clive, not having been introduced to the new addition to the team. He briefly nodded, sticking out his hand with a pained breath. Introductions would come later. You grabbed Dion’s hand as well, clasping them between your armored hands. You gritted your teeth as you pulled in aether and send silver energy their way. By no means was it enough to fully heal them. You hoped it was enough that Clive and Joshua could at least walk properly. You were exhausted, sweat dripping down your face. Even so, you had something left.

Clive was still in excruciating pain, his body tense. “AAhhhgg!” It took about a minute before things seemed to calm down. “...Not again.” Clive muttered, sitting back up.

Joshua looked at him questioningly. “Brother?”

“It’s a long story.” Clive replied, not willing to go into it now. He quickly nodded at you gratefully. Dion seemed to be stabilized, so he raised the man over his shoulders.

Joshua looked back at his mother. “You cannot stay here mother. Come. Take my hand.”

Instead, Clive’s mother was frenzied, pulling a blade and attacking Joshua. “This is all just a bad dream! Go away!” It was oddly pleasing for you to see her lose her mind. To see her lose everything she held dear, while both Joshua and Clive were still alive. You could teleport and step in from behind. You chose not to. This was none of your business. “You will not take me, shadow! You will not take me!” The woman screamed, until she pulled the blade to her own throat. Clive didn’t move. Joshua looked shocked, frozen in place. Blood erupted from her neck, and you saw everyone look away. Was it wrong to be fascinated? You saw the life drain from her body, crumpling to the floor in an instant. You knew very well you should feel bad for them right now. It was their mother. But you were not a good person. You stood on your fathers mangled corpse when you had the chance. And you would do it the same all over again. When Joshua turned around after grabbing the spear that belonged to Dion, you turned around as well. You all set off back to the Hideaway. 

---

Even with all your healing efforts, Joshua and Dion were immediately transferred to the infirmary the moment you stepped onto the docks. Clive and Jill went to follow, but you opted to get a drink. You tried to sneak away, but someone had other plans. “Where do you think you’re going?” Tarja looked at you.

“Uhm…” Clive and Jill didn’t need a checkup, why would you? “Those two are much worse off than I am.”

“Have you looked into a mirror lately?” Tarja stood in front of you with her arms crossed. You just wanted a drink, and now Tarja was giving you a hard time. “That cut on your face is going to infect you. You’re not even walking straight.” Tarja listed more things she found off about you, and you relented.

“Fine. You win.” You followed Tarja into the infirmary as she assigned you a bed next to Joshua. Three Dominants in a row. You scoffed.

“Take off your clothes.” The other two were asleep, so you did as she asked. You assumed Clive and Jill were in his chambers, since they weren't here.

“Take this.” Then you received the nastiest potion she could give you.

“Founder, this is fucking disgusting.”

“I know.” Tarja replied, starting to treat your wounds. It took her at least half an hour. After that she gave you something else that made your eyelids heavy. 

Dammit. She’s putting me to sleep.

Chapter Text

You had no idea how long you had been asleep. It felt like it was too long, as you had forgotten where you were. Infirmary. Your body was heavy, but otherwise you were okay. That meant you could get out of here. Your clothes were washed and neatly folded next to you on a wooden stool. It was light again outside, so you were at least out for a day or two.

Clive was speaking to Tarja in the doorway of the infirmary. Looking inside, he saw you quickly get dressed. His eyes fell on your back, the scars like etches on a map. Would they still cause you pain? He didn’t have the time yet to talk with you after Twinside, and he felt guilty for that. From what Jill told him, you had done extremely well. You noticed him, as he and Tarja were blocking the exit. Clive assumed Tarja did so on purpose. For both you and Joshua. He raised an eyebrow in amusement, when you checked if the window was an option. 

“My lady, are you leaving already?” You froze when someone called you out.

My lady?

You looked back to see Joshua's curious gaze on you. His head was turned towards you, still in his clothes lying on the bed. “Uhm?” “Clive hasn't introduced me yet, but you were at Twinside too. What's your name, my lady? My name is Joshua. Joshua Rosfield.” 

He called me a lady again. What the fuck?

“It's Y/N. I'm not a lady, you’d do well to remember that. I'm a thief.” You turned around towards him, crossing your arms. Joshua chuckled in return. “You are female, are you not? In that case I wouldn't address you any other way.” “I think you misunderstood, Lord Rosfield. I'm not like the women you have met. I'm not dignified, elegant, and I don't wear dresses. Feel free to just address me by my first name, as I don't have a second.” Something about this fancy blonde man triggered something in you that you were not proud of. You uncrossed your arms, dropping the attitude. You didn't have to be rude towards him. “...And you just ruined my chance of getting out of here.” You sighed, as you saw Tarja and Clive approach.

Joshua's smile never left his face. “Y/N. Did you sleep well?” Tarja asked, checking out your face. The bandages around your forehead would need to be refreshed.

“Yeah. How long was I out for?”

“Two days. I need to refresh your bandages, so follow me to the back so you can take your clothes off.” Tarja was well aware that you just got dressed. You swallowed. The infirmary was not a nice place when you were surrounded with other conscious people.

“How are you feeling?” Clive asked when you passed him.

“Fine. For now.” You followed Tarja, and the brothers watched you disappear behind a curtain. 

“You should've introduced me, brother.” Joshua jokingly accused.

“...Sorry, the moment wasn't really there.” Clive replied, scratching his head. 

“...Tarja… Please, I don't need all that.” Your voice was higher pitched than usual, and it was clear that you were not having a good time. “..No I don't need stitches….” Muffled voices on the other side, and then you cursed like a drunken sailor on wyvern horn powder. Obolus would've been proud of you. Clive's face turned red, and Joshua smiled even harder.

“I like her already.”

“Hmm.” Clive nodded, not wanting to go into detail here. “How are you feeling Joshua?”

“Better. Can't wait to get out of here.” He replied, but he was still unable to get up. 

You endured Tarja’s treatment, and when you reappeared, Clive was already gone. “Take it easy. No missions for a week.” Tarja ordered, and you nodded. She went back to her business, and you decided to sit on the edge of Joshua's bed.

Now that you were free to go, it wasn't that interesting anymore. “Clive often talked about you.” You started, not really sure where you're going with this. “It's been a while though. I wasn't aware your mother was still alive. Or you, for that matter.”

“That's okay, I wasn't expecting you to. Do you have any family?” The blonde happily shifted the topic. You shook your head. Joshua was still a stranger to you, and that always made them easier to talk to. They were less likely to call out any lies, and you could just walk away when it didn't go the way you wanted.

“I had a father just like your mother. I killed him. Didn't know my mother.” You say flatly. Another day in your life, you suppose.

“Oh I'm sorry to hear that.” Even if Joshua was surprised, he didn't show it on his face. Still that friendly expression. That genuine interest.

“Don't be. It's in the past. I'm over it.” You lied. Nothing related to your father was in the past. And there was nothing you were ‘over’. It was slowly festering in the back of your mind, affecting the relationships you had with people. You sighed. “I need to talk to Clive. I'll be back.” The festering had to stop, and since Clive dealt so maturely with his issues, you had to talk to him.

“Okay good luck Y/N, I’ll await your return.” Joshua replied, nodding. 

You knocked on the door of Clive's chambers. Tarja was right. You were a mess. You should not have gone out on your own to battle dragoons. They had done a number on you, and you still had a little limp in your gait. Tarja refreshed the bandages on your forehead, left thigh, lower back, and your fists. It was okay. You'd heal. Another Mother Crystal was destroyed, and you were allowed to contribute this time. No one forced you. You wanted this. The door opened, and Clive stood there with a confused look on his face. “Oh, you could've called me in.” You said surprised.

“I did. You didn't respond, so I came to check who either pranked me or got lost in thought.” He smiled. “Fortunately, it was the latter. Come in.” He stepped to the side, and you entered his chambers. Clive looked untouched, and you had to admit you were a little jealous. Then again, you didn't need to be Cid. “What's on your mind?” Clive asked, leaning against his desk. 

“I need to apologize.” You looked up at him. “I could've saved your mother. I could've teleported behind-”

“I'm going to stop you right there.” Clive shook his head.

“I should've said something-”

“Y/N.” You took a deep breath when Clive interrupted you again. “That was never your responsibility.” Clive looked at you, a strained smile on his face. He stood straight. “Let's go to the balcony.” You followed him outside, as you stood next to him, staring at the Hideaway. You hadn't been here before. You'd sometimes see Clive have a drink with Jill there. Or if he was just taking a small break by himself. The sun was high in the sky, gracing you with its presence, the golden rays gently grazing your face. “I would never have asked that of you.” Clive said, gazing at the sea. “She did what she did, and this was the result.”

“I'm amazed you see it that way.” You replied, hanging on the supporting wooden structure. You'd like a drink right now. “I'm amazed that unlike me, you kept your composure. You didn't go for revenge when you saw her.” You said, looking at him from the side. 

“Composure? I wasn’t really calm back then.” Clive bemused. Then his face fell slightly. “I wasn't physically abused. I still had a loving father and a younger brother who had most of the burdens.” Clive looked back at you, as if he could see straight through you. He knew that your past had lingering effects on you. The mistrust, the eating, and there was an edge to you that was sometimes just there. You fell silent, averting your gaze. “We don't choose our parents.” Clive continued. “In this world I can count myself lucky with the upbringing I had.” He gritted his teeth. “I want to change it. This world needs to change. This family we have here at the Hideaway is something I wish for everyone.” There was a passion to his voice that you recognized from Cid.

A smile appeared on your face. “I believe you can make that happen.”

“We can make that happen. I'm nothing without the support of the Hideaway. I trust each and everyone here with my life. That includes you.” Clive replied seriously. The statement came as a surprise. 

Me? Why would he trust me?

You involuntary scoffed. “Clive, you can't just put your trust in people like that.”

“I can. And I am.” Clive stated. You shrugged, he could do as he pleased. Even if it was stupid. There was no one here you would trust with your life. “I'm not saying you should do the same. But you can trust me. I'll do everything I can to make that happen. You're part of this family.” 

Family?

You had no idea how to feel about that. You always dreamed you could be yourself with family. Your father wasn't family. It was a weird concept to you. But at least you know what it wasn't supposed to be. Everything you had before you came here. “Let's put that to the test then, shall we?” You were willing to take a bet here.

“Alright, put me to the test.” Clive replied, turning his upper body towards you. There was a glint of curiosity in his eyes.

“Let's have dinner together. Tonight. See if I can trust you enough to share a meal.” He stared at you for a moment. To him, it was just an incredibly simple request. However, he realized the gravity of it to you.

“That I can do. Anything in particular you’d like to eat? I’ll ask Molly.”

You preferred something light, lowering the chance of vomiting. “Something fishy?” You suggested. Clive nodded.

“Then I’ll see you when the sun starts setting.” He did his best to hide his smile, but you were observant enough. 

What did I get myself into?

—

You finally had that drink you needed at the Tub & Crown. Afterwards, you spend the day lounging around at the shelves. You needed a new book if you were to sit still for a week. Harpocrates observes you with a twinkle in his eyes. “I heard you’re going to have dinner with Clive tonight.”

“Excuse me?” You didn’t take Tomes for a gossip. He chuckled. It seems that word traveled fast around here. But why was this interesting?

“I was excited to hear that you no longer dine alone.” He explained.

“Excited? Am I that weird?” You replied confused.

Harpocrates still smiled as he shook his head. “Not at all. I just think that everyone at the Hideaway is happy that you’re not excluding yourself.” There were numerous ways he could’ve phrased this, but he settled for the safest one. “And for a new book, might I suggest one of Gav’s favorites? It’s about a heroic knight battling a dragon to protect the woman he loves. It’s quite an epic story.”

You smiled in return. “Sounds good. Where can I find it?”

“A few shelves to the right, same row as you’re at now.”

With a new book in hand, you were on your way to the garden when Hortense approached you. “Y/N!”

“Hortense. How's it going?” She was too excited and it made you suspicious.

“You’re not going to join Lord Rosfield for dinner in those clothes are you?”

“Why not? What’s wrong with these clothes?” She narrowed her eyes at you, disappointed that you didn’t ask her for something new. 

Oh no.

“No dress. Why would you even-” She gave you puppy dog eyes. “Stop that. I swear by the Founder, you can’t-” It got worse.

“I got so many fabrics, Y/N. You can pick whatever you like! I can make-” To be fair, Hortense had no idea about the true intention of this dinner. It dawned on you that she thought this was something else. Heat rushed to your cheeks, and you mentally slapped yourself. You had no intention of getting wrong rumors started.

“It’s nothing like that!” She either didn’t believe you or was desperate to make you something new.

“Don’t you want to impress him?” She asked, switching tactics.

“Impress?” You would impress yourself by not getting sick, hopefully.

“If it's not about courtship, you at least want to look nice, don't you? I can do that with enhancing your features more-” You sighed when Hortense presented you with more options. It was all so well intended.

“Okay fine. Just a shirt. Nothing too crazy. There are probably other people who need it more than I do.” You relented.

“I'll immediately get to work.” She beamed a smile towards you. 

And she was true to her word. You arrived at her workplace some time later as she asked, and presented a dark red shirt to you. The arms were puffy with nice cuffs, while the body was straight, but still accentuating your waist. It had a V-neckline with drawstrings just like Clive had, but less low. “And, what do you think?” She was proud of her work, still able to fit you to a T.

“Very fancy.” The fabric was soft, and you had to admire her work. “I'll treasure it, Hortense. You once again are able to make me look nice.” She smiled wider as she resisted the urge to hug you. No creases on this shirt just yet.

“Enjoy your evening.”

“Thanks. I'll do my best.” 

---

You knocked on the door of Clive's chambers. You already had several scenarios spooking through your mind on how this could go wrong. You took a big breath and stepped inside when Clive replied. You were surprised to see his desk free of papers. Instead, fresh candles, a bottle of wine with two goblets and tankards of presumably water. Dinner was already served, steam coming from the plates. “Right on time.” He smiled. Clive wasn't in armor, just his shirt and leather pants. You returned the smile as he pulled your seat back to you.

“You don't have to-”

“I'm already doing it.” Clive said. “I kind of feel obligated when you show up looking like that.” He admits, giving you a once over.

“Hah. Hortense said I had to look nice when dining with a Lord.” You countered, making Clive smile awkwardly.

“You know that's not-”

“Yeah, but she insisted.” You approached Clive and sat down. The food smelled nice, and you pushed some unpleasant memories to the back of your mind.

Clive sat down on the other side in front of you. “Would you like wine?”

“Yeah. I'd like that.” You resisted the urge to down the thing the moment Clive stopped pouring. The two of you clinked glasses before taking a sip. There you realize your mistake. Clive was, in fact, the heir of Rosaria. The man had a fancy upbringing. His table manners were impeccable. His posture was perfect on its own, and handling cutlery like he did his sword; with finesse. 

Hah. I should've asked Gav. I didn't think this through. 

You looked at the steamed fish, vegetables and a small side of buttery mashed potatoes. You could see the effort that was put in making this. Carefully, you sat straight and pricked a vegetable with your fork. 

Here goes nothing.

The food itself was well seasoned. As long as you took small bites and didn't spill, nothing could go wrong. “How's the reading going? What book are you reading right now?” Clive asked after he swallowed his food.

“It's one of Gav’s favorites I heard. I'm a few chapters in, and I can see why Gav likes it.” You chuckled. The heroic knight was the epitome of a strong male protector. “I do like it as well, the character convictions are well written.” You took another sip of wine.

“I think I know which one you're talking about.”

“And you? Do you even have time to read?”

“Not really.” Clive admitted. “I tried in the beginning, but when I opened the book the second time it was too long ago and I'd forgotten basically everything.” Clive shook his head with a wry smile. “But that's okay.” He added quickly, when you looked a little sad. A silence fell, and you cast your gaze on the mashed potatoes. You could feel his eyes on you, and you felt cold sweat dripping down your back.

“Look at you. Fucking brat. Get out of my sight, you're disgusting.”

You were not sure what triggered you. But your heartbeat rose, and you dropped your fork. It clattered to the floor, which made it even worse. “Fuck.” Your stomach churned, and you quickly lowered yourself to get your fork off the ground.

“Don't worry about it.” You heard Clive say. Yeah sure. It took some time for you to lift your head above the desk, which earned you a worried look. The strained smile on your face was not helping. You clenched your fists under the desk to stop your hands from shaking. “Have some water.” Clive tried, seeing you change. You nodded, quickly taking the tankard from his hands. You were doing your best to keep calm. You took a gulp and placed the tankard back on the table.

Nothing has happened. He's not angry.

“Angry? Of course not! He's disappointed! You sniveling, stuttering child! Why would someone like him even want to be near you?” 

As if your dad was screaming at you from behind Clive. Your stomach did a flip, and you gagged. Clive's eyes widened, not knowing what to do. “Founder, please.” You practically begged, before gagging again. “Not now.” You were going to puke all over the desk if you didn't do anything. You were going to ruin it. Classic. “...Be right back.” You managed to say before you teleported. 

At the pier you took off your shirt as quickly as you could. It could not get dirty. Anything but that. You heaved, your stomach protesting. Your body forced you to bend over, tensing as your stomach shot all its contents upwards. “Bwurhhh!” When you thought it was over, your body convulsed and you puked again. There was nothing left, but your body still felt the need to expel the stress.

“Y/N!” You heard Clive approaching between heaves.

“Don't look at me.” You uttered, facing away from him as far as possible. “You should've stayed- Hrugghh!” Clive's heart broke when he saw you like that. The peak of your trauma had reared its ugly head, and he could only watch you suffer. And still you desperately tried to keep the shirt clean. You didn't care if you stood there half naked on the pier. You were too muscular for a corset, and it was too limiting for you anyway. A simple white bra saved your chest from view.

“You're bleeding.” Clive noticed, your lower back bandages were turning slightly red from the pressure. He couldn't just stand there. Distressed, he took a step forward.

“Stay.. back.” You ordered, your voice raspy and commanding. Clive obeyed, just because you said so.

“Take a deep breath.” He offered. Not what you needed right now.

“Turn around!” You shouted, and you teared up. You didn't want to be seen like this. Clive promptly did as you asked, pinching the bridge of his nose to hold himself back. His brows furrowed in helplessness, eyes closed.

After a few more heaves, you calmed down. You straightened your back, finally able to relax your muscles. You stepped away from the pier. Your face fell. “I'm so sorry. I…messed up again… the food is probably cold…” You sniffed.

“I don't care about that.” Clive said, turning around.

“I'm fucking disgusting. I can't even eat like a normal person.” You covered your face with your hands, your shirt over your shoulder.

Clive took the moment to pull you against himself, carefully hugging you. “That's not true. You should be proud of trying. And nothing is ruined yet.” He said, gently rubbing your upper back.

“You're just saying that.” You stuttered, your hands falling to your side.

“You're not running.” Clive retorted, glancing down. “Let's go back inside, you'll catch a cold like this.”

You snorted in response. “As if, you're incredibly warm.” He hoped you wouldn't hear his heart beating in his chest. He blinked, and the both of you were back in his chambers. He kept silent, understanding why you teleported. He handed you a napkin and a tankard of water.

“Do you need anything?” Clive still looked at you the same. No judgment.

“Are you not hungry? We should not waste Molly's hard work.” You tried. You didn't want to it end like this.

“You don't have to say that for me. We can do whatever you want.” You sat back in your seat again after you put your shirt back on.

“Let's pretend like it didn't happen.” You offered, a strained smile on your face.

Clive nodded, sitting back in front of you. “I'm fine with that, but are you sure you don't want to talk about what's causing this? What about me makes you uncomfortable when eating?” You fell silent for a little while. It wasn’t him personally. However, Clive was right, and you were able to answer his question. But, it would put you in a very vulnerable position. You gritted your teeth.

“I'll tell you.” You decided. I’ll regret it. You decided to give Clive a chance. Put your trust in him by sharing something uncomfortable. “If you ever, in any way use it against me, I'll fucking end you.” The threat you made was real, as you gave him a sharp glare.

“Of course. You can trust me.” He smiled, not worried at all. The food was now certainly cold, so instead you took a gulp of water.

“...Before coming to the Hideaway, I had never eaten with someone. Not sober, in any case.” You started. That was already embarrassing. Perhaps you were an alcoholic as well.“I was taught that… I should never eat in front of other people. If I did, they would see what a waste of space I am.” You clenched your fists, avoiding Clive's gaze. This was the worst. Your words could not describe how hurt you were. How being in front of people made you squirm if you had to eat. “Because people find me disgusting. Because I'm just a brat that people want to avoid. He said that… if I ever went outside… I wouldn’t live long because I’m cursed. By being born I killed the one person that my father truly loved.” You looked at the cutlery in front of you. “I have no table manners. I do have three different killing methods with a knife in my mind now. It's embarrassing, really. I ate leftovers in my room with my hands, when I was little.” You didn't provide further details. Like how you ate like a starved dog back then. How your teeth were rotting and your bones visible. You observed thieves on how they ate and you adapted accordingly. Still not very tasteful, but an upgrade nonetheless. Thank the Founder for a healthy set of adult teeth. Clive was silent. He understood that your Father had taught you this warped behavior.

“I'm sorry. That must've been extremely rough.”

“...Yeah. And you… have such… I feel like a savage compared to you.” You gave a strained smile, your gaze on the desk. It didn't feel good sharing this with Clive. Not at all. It was impossible to look at him right now. You couldn't help but compare. You wanted to trust him. You really did. See what happens. Maybe you just wanted to get hurt. You had no past experiences that could tell you this was safe with him.

Clive reached out from across the desk, putting his calloused hand over yours. “I don't want to avoid you. And I don't think you're disgusting. Or a savage. You've never been and never will be. If you bury your face in that food and smear it all over your face I still wouldn't think that.” He gave you a kind smile, and you gave a small, awkward one in return. He squeezed your hand slightly. 

He's not lying. How?

“Thanks. I'll not try it out.” You say dryly.

“Are you up for some dessert?” Clive asked, an exciting twinkle in his eyes.

It certainly got you curious. “What do you got?”

“Lemon tarts.” You heard of those. Molly rarely makes those, and when she does, they are gone before you can blink. With you always being by yourself, you still haven't got the chance to taste them. Molly also refused to give you the recipe, saying that it was for special occasions and she preferred to make it. That was a few years ago, and you didn't mind as you weren't helping out in the kitchen anymore anyway.

“Molly made Lemon tarts for us?” You raised an eyebrow.

“She saved some for us, we'd missed out this afternoon.” Clive said with a chuckle. The two of you were not that special. “I'll be right back.”

Clive took the plates of food from the table and exited his chambers, leaving you alone for a little while. You exhaled deeply. Then you chugged your goblet of wine. 

I'm too sober for this. What is he thinking? He must be so done with me right now.

You were too greedy with the wine, and removed some spillage with the back of your hand. In the end, you just felt like a savage. You could pretend like you belonged anywhere. Just put on a mask and deal with the situation in the most satisfactory way. But not here. They made you comfortable. Teaching you new experiences, changing you. The lemon tart that was put in front of you was no different. You eyed it carefully. A perfectly round tart with a yellow layer on top. You weren't a baker, but you smelled the tangy lemon. “Looks good, doesn't it?” Clive was excited, happy to share this with you. “They are originally from Rosaria, and we managed to find the recipe on one of our trips.” You chuckled, his behavior matching Torgal getting a treat. You watched Clive take the tart in his hand, before taking a bite out of it.

No cutlery?

You could do that, but didn't want a repeat performance of what had already happened. You picked up the tart, taking a small bite. Tangy, just like you expected. But there was also a delicious sweetness to it that was addicting. With widened eyes you stared at the lemon treat. “Good, right?” Clive asked, already halfway. The corners of his mouth had crumbs on them, and you looked at him in surprise. “What? Am I going too fast?” He said, hiding his embarrassment.

“No, it's just-” You pointed at the corner of your mouth, indicating where he had crumbs.

“Oh.” He chuckled, a response you were not expecting. “I do get carried away with these.” Clive admits, wiping the crumbs with his thumb. He made it look so easy. You didn't find him disgusting at all, and you wondered if he did that on purpose to show you you didn't have to be anxious. 

Stop overthinking. Eat this damn lemon thing.

You took another bite of the tart, bigger this time. You both enjoyed the moment in silence, relishing the special treat. A little moment of peace found in the chaos. Your stomach complained, but your mind allowed this sugary pastry without too much stress of being watched.

“Same time next week?” Clive offered when you were about to leave.

“Alright. I'll cook then. Don't want to burden Molly with this.” You said with a nod. Clive opened the door for you, still a happy smile on his face. 

How do I thank someone like him? For the thing that we did? Hugging feels a bit over the top. How would a noble handle this? Kiss on the hand, if he was a lady. 

“Thanks for the evening, Clive. I appreciate it.” You quickly got on your toes and pressed a kiss on his left cheek. “Talk to anyone about this evening, and I won't have mercy on you.” You threatened, before turning around to leave. Clive only gave a small nod before closing the door.

He heard you walk off, and his hand went to his cheek. “What was that?” He was blushing. “...Fuck.” 

Chapter Text

Both of you should've known that a weekly thing wouldn't hold. Clive was busy, rarely back at the Hideaway except for a few moments of short sleep. At least Otto let you know that he wouldn't be available for your little get together. So, you asked Gav. He was busy too, but able to make time. “I gotta eat anyway.” He said when the two of you sat together in Clive's chambers. Clive wasn't there, so you borrowed the space to continue your therapy. You served Gav bread, soft steamed meat with a gravy sauce and a mix of vegetables. “Smells good.” Gav commented, and he dug in. Just like that. Enjoying his food. How you wish that could be the case for you.

His style of eating was a bit more of what you were used to, which hopefully made it easier this time. “What have you been up to?” You asked him, before eating a piece of warm bread.

“Y’know. Clive is sending me out everywhere, to help with the cursebreakers and the increasing demand for crystals. It's shite, Bearers are being fought over.” You listened to his troubles, exchanging conversation on daily business. You were surprised how good of a concept this was. Two people eating, having all the time to share stories and whatnot. Little by little, you reached halfway to your plate. Clive's desk was cleared of all papers, and the smooth wooden surface filled with drinks and food gave you small comfort. You were not hungry at all, but you were still okay. The occasional trembling of your fingers here and there you'd just have to deal with. “So, I heard a bit of gossip in the halls.” Gav started, and you narrowed your eyes at him. “Eh, don't look at me like that.” He grinned. So it was about you. “I heard you threatened Clive about something. Care to share?”

Coming up with a believable lie was going to be hard. You hadn't expected to be overheard. Apparently your face gave it away. “Somethin’ happened during the dinner right?” He wiggled his eyebrows, and you gave him a grin. Clive would understand if you told Gav a more interesting version.

“...Okay, Gav, you need to shut up about this.” He nodded enthusiastically, happy that you'd share your secrets. “We just shared a kiss after dinner. We had too much wine, so I told him to stay quiet about it.”

“I knew it. Finally. There's been something going on with the two of you for some years now.” 

Uhm? What is he on about?

You were probably misunderstanding something, but weren't about to correct Gav. “In any case, please stay quiet about it yeah? It was a one time thing.” You asked him, knowing that it would be difficult for him. Time would tell if you could trust Gav with the truth.

“Sure. Your secret’s safe with me.” Gav replied with a smile. “We'll leave you two lovebirds to it. Love is a difficult affair after all eh?” Your smile was strained, but Gav didn't seem to pick up on it.

Yikes. I feel bad for Clive now. 

“How would you describe love, Gav? It's a foreign concept for me to be honest with you.” You said, and bit off a piece of meat from your fork, pointing it at him afterwards.

Gav seemed happy you asked. “Love is a wonderful thing. I wish to find it someday.” He raised his goblet, ready for a big monologue. “Love is the anxiety when you can't see that person for a while. Love is when something nice happens, that person is the first one you want to tell about it. Just being with the one you love is enough. Love is complete trust in one another, without question. Love is sharing everything you like with that person. It's also overcoming challenges together. It's the two of you versus the world.” You listened to Gav passionately explaining love, making wild gestures. It did something with you. He got some examples from his favorite books, which were over the top. Even so, it felt like a wonderful thing to have. The trust thing was going to be impossible though. “Coming home after a long day, and kissing your love on her cheek as she welcomes you home. That's like, goals.” 

Oh. I made another mistake.

Heat rose to your cheeks, as you realized your way of saying thanks to Clive was probably misunderstood. So maybe you hadn't been lying to Gav? Your jaw tightened. Fuck. “Are kisses only reserved for the one you love?” You asked, hoping Gav could elaborate.

“I would say so, yeah. But ladies amongst themselves have some intricate rules there, eh. Don't ask me about that.” Perhaps you could use that as an excuse if Clive ever mentioned it.

You shrugged. “Don't have any experience with that.”

“I see you finished your plate.” Gav looked extremely happy about that. “You had like, half of a portion tho, but I'll count it as a win.” It still wasn't such a great experience, but you nodded. This was an improvement.

“Thanks Gav, I appreciate your company.” You appreciated the conversation. Other than that, you still had a lot to learn.

The following days you experienced something weird. People came to you for a scheduled dining experience in Clive's chambers. Apparently, Gav had bragged about good food, good company, and an exclusive location. Furthermore, they could just ask you. You looked at a little notebook that you bought from Charon so you could keep track of the requests. Hortense, Tarja, Molly, Gaute, Vivian, and Yvan were currently on your list. “You're quite the popular one.” Otto noted, peeking at the list.

“Popular? I think they like the experience in Clive's chambers. Hell, I haven't even told him I would be doing this daily now…” You sighed. “Anyway, I'm assuming they only want to do this once, and then it's over.” You replied, as you weren't able to say no. You never wanted to play favorites. If you could eat with Gav and Clive, why not everyone?

“You got some good wine with that?” Otto asked.

“I do special requests, yeah.” Some people didn't like fish, others hated certain herbs. No problem at all. Cooking for two was your specialty after all. And for these people it wasn't so bad. You might even be having fun.

“Alright kid, put me on the list too. Quinten has some good wines in stock, if you can get some, we’re gonna have a good evening.” You added him to the list, with his request.

“Alright, I'll notify you a day in advance if it's your turn.” 

Some people were more comforting for you than others. Vivian and Otto brought their work with them, multitasking on Clive's desk while they had the space. You would discuss plans and trends over a good meal. The work was a nice distraction, and helped divert you from the food. Molly and Yvan however, happily discussed food and were more focussed on your preferred approach on how to cook. Molly wondered why your portion was so much smaller than hers, and you had to lie, saying you were on a diet. You finished that evening a bit sooner, puking everything back up at the pier the moment she left. Tarja was the only person where you tried out a slightly bigger portion. “You better eat all of that, I don't care how you do it.” Tarja warned.

Your day consisted of dinner prep, training, sometimes instructing cursebreakers, and requests close by the Hideaway that could be completed in less than a day. You were eager for something bigger again, but you were not fully healed yet. The bandages were gone, but you were still a little stiff in your legs and lower back. “See, I managed.” You said, too proud when you finished your plate. Like a child that tastes their vegetables.

“Good. I'll be sure to check on you again.” She had multitasked a health checkup with you, which you passed for now. 

—

When your list was finished, you jumped on some requests that took longer. Helping out Quinten, as wasps were attacking his vineyard. Followed by Martha, who had trouble with bandits. Then Isabelle, who could use a bodyguard for some important business. You could stay the night as an exchange, which you happily did. You refused the extra company, however. You collected gifts for Cid and the Hideaway, and were happy to help. 

You returned right on time. Even though the sun was setting, Cole was waiting for you. “Cid's back for a few days, asked me if you arrived, to visit his chambers.” You nodded, needing to deliver the gifts anyway. Your tired body dragged itself to the familiar stairs, a short sigh escaping your lips. The Hideaway was fairly quiet for the time being, an indication of troubling times.

You knocked three times on Clive's door. “It's unlocked.” You stepped inside, and saw Clive -still in full armor- working behind his desk. He hadn't looked up, reading through all the missed papers while he was gone. You had carefully sorted them before you left. “Oh, you're back.” Clive seemed to finally notice you, putting down his quill. He wore a weary smile, and you could see he had gone straight back to work when he returned.

“I got some gifts for you.” You started, putting the basket on the edge of the desk. “But I think you should rest first.”

“I first need to go through these missives before I can do that.” Clive replied, stretching a little. He wasn't going to listen to you.

“Okay, then I suppose I can go?” You said, slightly irritated.

Clive picked up on it, raising his eyebrow. “Is something the matter?”

You sighed. “This friendship thing should work both ways right? If you expect me to listen to your advice, you should listen to mine as well, Clive.” He looked at you, surprised with your seriousness. You had crossed your arms, which prevented him from grabbing his quill again. “My penmanship has improved, I can-” Your suggestion seemed to fall on deaf ears.

“I'm not about to shove my responsibilities onto you.” 

If he's so busy, why ask for me? 

“Fine. What did you need me for?”

“...Just catching up-”

“Am I understanding correctly, that you asked for me the moment I came back, and I get to do my report while you're reading your missives?” You were irritated. You were tired from traveling, and you expected more of this. What exactly, you were unsure. But certainly not this. “How about I write you a missive after I took a nap, and you read it then? Seeing the amount of papers I'm sure you'll still be awake.” You added salt to the wound, without giving a shit. You saw his eyebrows furrow, and you realized you'd gone too far.

“I heard you made quite the use of my chambers while I was gone. While I appreciate the missives sorted, I would at least expect that you informed me properly first?” He held up one of the papers, and you thought you recognized Gav's writing. Less choppy than yours. “And what's Gav on about? A full page on love?! Did you have a nice dinner?” 

Yikes. Fell right into that one.

It was now Clive's turn to cross his arms. His brows were furrowed, as his piercing gaze caught you off guard. “Uhm. I can explain that one.” You started, your voice soft. “I asked Gav if he could tell me what love is. The concept was unknown to me, and he could explain quite vividly how he sees it. I did not expect him to send you a letter about that?” You were honestly confused. Clive sighed, his face relaxing slightly. “Oh wait. Oh no.” You facepalmed yourself. “I said we kissed drunkenly, as he heard from someone that I threatened you about my.. ‘problem’ and I lied. He was very interested in the whole story and I guess he's assuming…” Your voice died down, scratching your head as you looked elsewhere.

“Excuse me?” Clive jumped up, leaning on his desk as his chair moved backwards with a scratch. His face was taut.

“So, I can give you that report right now if you want?” You said quickly, hands disappearing in your pockets, as you laughed awkwardly.

“I need a drink.” Clive fell back in his chair, a big sigh escaping his mouth.

You carefully approached the desk, punishing yourself for your behaviour. “Can I see the letter from Gav?” Clive handed it to you, happy to be rid of the paper. His handwriting was a bit scratchy, but you could read it without any issues. And when you did, your face slowly heated up. It was a more detailed description than you had during your dinner. Clive sighed again in the background. Apparently you had triggered Gav into telling Clive that he needed to find love, with date suggestions and topic starters. Gav proposed himself as a test subject, so that Clive could later try it out with you. Clive looked at you, seeing you chuckle with reddened cheeks as you read the whole page that Gav had sent him. His frustration dissipated. “Put a lot of thought into this.” You concluded. “Some of these are crazy suggestions though. Who would eat food from their lover’s body? I mean-”

Clive snorted, his cheeks turning crimson. “Gav is a depraved individual.”

“Going to hot springs together seems nice, I like that. What do women see in flowers, anyway?” You wondered, scanning through the suggestions. “I should ask Jill.” You were fully into it, taking Gav’s masterlist as reference material. “You’re okay with me taking this?” You asked Clive, who was still flustered.

“Yes, please burn it when you’re done.” Then he shook his head. “No, wait. Let me make some adjustments first.” He stood up, taking the paper from your hands and grabbed his quill. He crossed out a quarter of the list, before adding some of his own. “Here you go. These should be all relatively achievable.” You were curious to see what he added, but Clive had folded the paper twice before handing it to you. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I believe I need some rest.” You smirked, excusing yourself so Clive could sleep. That report would turn into a missive for him tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Curiosity got the best of you, and you checked out the changes Clive made on Gav’s letter the moment your body touched your bunk bed. Your silvery hair cascaded onto the pillow, letting it fall loosely behind you.  It was still early, and most other beds were empty. Cursebreakers on assignment, or still out and about the Hideaway. As expected, the crazy suggestions were crossed out. There was a comment from Gav with each one, saying that these were not to be tested out with him. You snorted. Instead Clive had penned some nice suggestions;

• Watching the stars together

• Evening walk

• Having a picnic in an open field on a sunny day

• Sleep in together

You added those on your list, with some from Gav as well:

• Gift her flowers, handpicked by you

• Going to hot springs

• Surprise them with a hug

• Cook their favorite meal for them to enjoy

Some of these were easier than others. You were aware of the difference between love for a family member, and love for your significant other. You left all Gav’s suggestions that were sex related in the back of your mind. You had experiences with that back with the thieves, being one of the few females there you could pick whomever you wanted on a happy evening, no strings attached. Actual love in that regard was something different. You’d first need to find that person, if he actually existed. "...." If you wanted to. For now, you’d focus on building relationships at the Hideaway with the list you currently had. With the world going to shit, not all of these were doable, but you were willing to make an effort. 

—

You started with the one you understood the least. “How is someone going to be happy with flowers? They are delicate, and die fast.” You were currently in Northreach, after helping Quinten out with planning some old fashioned revenge. The sun was high in the sky, shining its warmth over the marketplace. People were shopping, masters followed by their bearer servants. The merchant that sold the flowers wasn’t very happy with your comment, but was eager to prove you wrong.

“The gift of flowers, and the fact that they aren’t forever is what makes them beautiful. You can dry them out to do so, if that’s your goal. However, giving someone a personalized bouquet can convey any message. Different flowers have different meanings, so what is it that you want to say to this person?” She pointed to different flowers.

“I have no knowledge on this subject, so do I just pick whichever I think is nice?” You asked, butchering her explanation.

“..Yes. What kind of message do you want to give with the bouquet? I can give you some suggestions.” You wondered what you wanted to say here.

I didn’t know so much thought went into this. Receiving them and knowing the meaning could be a nice experience. Could you send a death threat with flowers?

“I wish the person receiving this would understand that I have good intentions with these flowers. I’d like to get to know them better. I admire this person, and I’d like to pretend I know about flowers.” You didn’t want to embarrass yourself with the wrong message of course.

The merchant got to work. “Okay. I have a lavender base for the bouquet that symbolizes admiration. With white roses, for purity. Added white chrysanthemums for truth, and they fit very well with the others. I also added some fern as decoration, for the confidence in your flowers.” A purple and white bouquet, you liked the look of it. There were more special looking flowers that she was selling, but you convinced yourself it was not about that.

“Can I have another one, with different colors?” You remembered Tarja liking flowers as well.

You took the flowers carefully wrapped with you on your way back to the Hideaway. The sky was turning yellowish orange, and the warm glow made for quite the calm mood. It didn't do anything for your nerves though. Jill and Hortense were closing off their sewing class, and you immediately went over to them. “...If you have any questions about the techniques from today, feel free to ask whenever you see us.” Hortense said, addressing the group of about ten.

They dispersed, and you tapped Jill on her shoulder. “Hey Jill, you got a minute?”

“Of course, what is it that I can help you with?” She replied, surprised to see you close to a sewing class.

“I…Uhm. Got something for you.” You weren’t supposed to be this awkward, but the act of giving flowers was so foreign, that you lost your fake confidence. You quickly shook your head, taking out the flowers from behind you, still as pristine as when you bought them. Those for Tarja you’d put away. “These are for you.” You said, handing the bouquet over to Jill, who was happily surprised and confused at the same time.

“Y/N. These are lovely. To what do I owe these flowers?” She had a knowing smile on her face, and you realized Jill was very aware of the meaning of the bouquet. Still, no surprise that she wanted you to say it out loud.

“I think you’re an amazing person. The way you do things and handle yourself in and out of battle… I just can’t help but admire you? Sorry if that sounds weird. I’m currently trying to create relationships here at the Hideaway, and it was suggested to me to give flowers to someone that I… want to love like family?” Your cheeks reddened at the awkwardness of your declaration. “I-I’m not saying you should return the favor or anything, but I just wanted to let you know that I want to do right by you.” Not a good time to steal a line from Gav’s book, but it was too late for that. It earned you a blush on Jill’s cheeks, and Hortense smirked so hard that you were afraid you just started another rumor.

“Oh, Y/N. I’d like the same.” She put the flowers to the side, and surprised you with a hug so tight that you couldn’t breathe. You were slightly taller than she is, which made for a good hug. “I.. never had a sister growing up, but I would like us to be.”

Does this cross another item of my list? This feels quite okay.

This honesty and openness from you was rare, and surprisingly to you, well received. You returned the hug, hoping that you could spend more time with her in the future. You just needed to become normal. 

Jill stepped back, handing you a white rose from your bouquet. “It would be greedy of me to enjoy these flowers alone, could you bring this one to Joshua? I know he'd really like it.”

“Of course, thanks for the suggestion. See you later, Jill.” You took the rose, saying goodbye to her with a smile. 

“Oh hey, Y/N. Came to check up on them?” Tarja greeted you when you entered the infirmary.

“And on you. I brought you something.” You replied, handing her the red bouquet of flowers.

“These are lovely…” She narrowed her eyes on you. “Did you get hurt? Did you hurt someone else?” She checked, and you shook your head with a grin.

“No. Just the flowers. Because I remembered you liked those. And I wanted to let you know that I appreciate all that you do around here.” Second time was smoother already.

“Alright..” Tarja was still a bit wary, but she mustered up a radiant smile. “Thank you Y/N. I really appreciate it.” You returned a smile before checking up on Clive’s brother.

Joshua hadn't been awake anymore since you spoke to him briefly. Apparently his body was weakened and he was forced to rest. Or so you thought. You placed the rose from Jill’s bouquet in a cup of water on a stool, and set it in between Joshua and Dion. You spend a few minutes just hanging around them, when you notice Joshua was looking at you. “Oh. You’re awake. How are you doing?” You asked the blonde, who was trying to sit up.

“I am alright. Quite ready to leave this infirmary.” You snorted. Tarja would have the final word on that. “I need to talk to my brother, will you get him for me?” Joshua asked you.

“Alright, be right back.”

—

“Clive. Joshua is awake. He'd like to talk to you.” You said as you peeked through the door of his chambers after you knocked. You were hesitant to approach the desk, seeing your tension filled conversation last time. Clive looked like he was getting ready to leave. “Oh you're leaving? Have a good trip.” You added.

“Ah hey Y/N. Thanks for letting me know.” He replied, and you nodded in acknowledgement. You were about to leave, and Clive called out to you. “I left a target on the hunting board for you.” He said, hoping to catch your attention.

“Which one?” You stuck your head back into the opening. Worked every time. You looked back at him, head once again peeking through the door. “Let me guess, Morbol?” You asked, gauging his reaction. He flashed you a mischievous smile, and you felt a blush dusting your cheeks.

“I wouldn't dare.” 

It was. He would dare. You cursed when you ripped the paper from the board. “Carrot Morbol. Not funny.” Perhaps this was punishment. For talking back to Cid. For avoiding him before. Maybe for having given the wrong impression and he was thinking you were flirting with Jill, his girlfriend. Maybe he knew as well that you had developed feelings for him. You sighed. “It's exactly as Gav said…”

“Me? What did I do?” You didn't believe in coincidences. He just passed by on his way to Otto, and overheard your mumbling. You grabbed the blonde by his sleeve and you pulled him close.

“That letter of yours Gav!” You hissed.

“Which one?” He asked, no idea what you were on about.

“The one you sent to Clive about love. I took it from him for reference…” Your voice got quieter.

Gav's face turned crimson. “The contents of that letter were not for a woman's eyes!” He exclaimed, eyes widened and fully embarrassed.

“Oh come on, I'm an adult.” You replied, crossing your arms. “But that's not my concern right now!” You added, pulling him further to the side.

“Something wrong?” Gav noticed your change in expression.

“I think I'm in love.”

“With me? Sorry but-” Gav started. You raised your eyebrow.

“Gav, you're not the one I'm talking about.” A chuckle escaped him after you interrupted Gav.

“I know. It's Clive right? Congratulations, I think you're the last to figure that out. Maybe second to last, our leader can be dense.”

You looked at him, dumbfounded. “What do I do Gav? How do I get rid of it?”

He smirked. “You gotta tell ‘m of course.” He said that as if it was the easiest thing ever.

“How? Like, ‘Hey Clive, I know you have eyes for Jill, but just wanted to mention I'm in love with you’? Are you mad?” You said sarcastically.

Now it was Gav's turn to look at you dumbfounded. “Jill? What are you talking about?”

“Oh come on. They are perfect for each other. Grew up together, noble and all that shit. Don't want to get in between that.”

Gav started laughing, and you were offended. He started laughing even harder. Aggravated, you stomped off before you would punch the scout on his jaw. “Hey, wait Y/N!” Gav tried, but you flipped him off and stomped towards the skiff. You had work to do.

—

Half the time, same amount of monster guts. Again, you reeked. At least you had put all your anger towards the monster, and this time not a scratch on you. Your antidote worked like a charm. Still, it did nothing against the smell of putrid monster guts all over your clothes and hair. You effectively looked like a washed up dog, that had in fact been rolling around in monster parts instead of mud. The slick and grime on you dampened the happiness of a job well done.

Obolus looked irritated the whole way back, as you dirtied his boat. You matched his mood. You wanted to see Clive, and you hated it. You needed to get rid of these feelings, and fast. You groaned when you spotted Clive on the docks. He had returned just before you apparently, and was talking to Jill. You didn't believe in coincidences. Petty as you were, you thanked Obolus and teleported as far to the bath chamber as you could. You were in no state to be conversing with those two. 

“Where did she go? She was just on the boat.” Jill asked, looking for you. Clive looked around.

“Teleported away, that one.” Obolus growled. “Gets on my boat covered in blood and guts. Smells like rotting garbage, and then fucks off straight away!” He complained, and Clive chuckled awkwardly. He scratched the back of his head when Jill glared at him.

“I can see that you have something to do with this, Clive.” She accused him.

“I might've said that there was a job for her on the hunting board… I didn't think she would take it though, she hates Morbols.” Clive replied, feeling bad.

Jill crossed her arms. “Clive… Was this payback for you being the elder prince? Or that she used your room for a while? You obviously know she takes anything you give her, no questions asked.”

“Huh? No, why would I-” Clive tried, but Jill scolded him.

“Let me repeat that for you Clive. She does anything you ask, no questions asked.” Clive let his shoulders slump. “You let her go alone as well. What if she got hurt?” Jill's words made Clive realize how he didn't question your skills anymore.

“I'll apologize.” He said, feeling worse.

“No you don't. She is probably trying to wash up and we don't need you stumbling in the bathing chambers. I'll check on her.” Jill replied and she left the docks without looking back.

Jill found you trying to get your hair back to silvery white. The clumps of blood and guts turned your head into a messy brown mush. You sat on a wooden stool, towel covering your privates. You stared into a mirror, a tired look on your face. “Hey.” Jill announced her presence, and you gave her a defeated smile.

“Hey Jill. Sorry you have to see me like this.” You looked like a beaten dog, your clothes discarded to the side. They were messed up, just like you.

“I'm here to help you.” Jill said, propping up her sleeves and getting some washcloths.

“Oh no, please, you don't have to-” You tried, getting uncomfortable by the idea. Someone as fancy as Jill, should not be dragged down to the Morbol trenches with you.

“Y/N.” Just the mention of your name made you shut up. “Just go sit in the tub okay?” You nodded, following her instructions. She got to work while you were forced to sit still and let her take care of you. She explained the different oils and bars available to you and when and how to apply them. As if a new world had opened to you. You had no idea that the order of things mattered. You usually slapped some good smelling stuff on your head. She even brought you a change of clothes to wear in the meantime, while she and Hortense could clean and replace your old outfit. 

---

So you found yourself fully scrubbed, hair softer than ever, in a simple baby blue dress drinking an ale at the Tub and Crown. “A dress of all things.” You sighed, feeling out of place. Your hair was neatly tied with a golden string, the tail falling neatly on your left shoulder. It sure had grown since joining the Hideaway. When you were little, you always dreamed of having long hair and nice dresses. You’ve seen your mother’s old closet, when your father was working. Now that you ticked those boxes, it was quite unrewarding. That green jacket Hortense had made you was your favorite clothing, and you had no need for dresses. The smooth and sweet smelling hair however, you could get used to.

Torgal awoke you from your thoughts, his nose nuzzling your side. “Oh hey Torgal.” He barked excitedly, looking happy to see you. If he was here, then Clive wasn’t far off. “You’re a good boy aren’t you?” You said, scratching his neck and playing with his ears. When he wouldn’t leave you alone, you figured he wanted you to follow him. “What’s up? Got somewhere to be?” You asked, and Torgal barked. “Alright, lead the way.”

You followed him on makeshift slippers that Jill gave to you as your boots needed some work. Torgal led you to the docks. There were not many people around, as it was already dark out. He walked straight to your usual spot and plopped down. He barked, wanting you to join him. This had never happened before, so you were cautious. You didn’t believe Clive had orchestrated this, so you sat down next to Torgal. He crawled against you, so that you were surrounded by his soft wolf fur. Woah. And then your eyes fell on the starry sky. The skies were clear, and the shining lights in the air made you look up in surprise. The mix of blues, purple and pink hues spreading out before you was giving you shivers. “It’s beautiful…” You said, not being able to take your eyes off. “You wanted to show me this?” You asked Torgal, petting him gratefully. Torgal barked in confirmation. You realized that this wolf had just ticked one more item on your list. “Such a smart boy.” You muttered, giving him some more scratches behind his ears. He must’ve known that this was your usual spot. You settled down against him, with a smile on your face. “That’s Orion’s belt.” You showed Torgal the three bigger stars in the sky, enjoying your little moment with the wolf. “That’s all I know about stars though.” You chuckled. “I should bring a book next time.” Torgal didn’t seem to mind, as he relaxed against you. You settled  deeper against him, eyes fixated on the stars. Even though the air was chilly, you didn't notice it at all. 

---

When Clive was looking for Torgal and found the both of you asleep on the docks, he felt his face heat up. His gaze briefly crossed the sky, before quickly turning back to a more interesting view. Using his wolf as a pillow, your hands neatly in your lap, you had fallen asleep against Torgal’s side. And even Torgal himself had his eyes shut, keeping you warm. Clive almost didn’t recognize you, with your hair like that, and the dress. The sight made his insides melt, and he resisted the urge to pick you up. “Were you stargazing together, boy?” Clive softly asked Torgal, lowering himself. He remembered putting it on your reference list.

The wolf opened his eyes, softly barking. It seems like he was awake. You stirred, a peaceful smile on your face. “You’re going to get a cold if you stay out here, princess.” Clive whispered, inching a little closer. You smelled of flowers, and freshly cut grass.

“...Hmmm?” Clive was too close for your liking, as your instinct kicked in and you were looking for a weapon that was currently not on you. “Oh.” You could only utter, feeling like you got caught stealing candy. That happened once when you were younger, and you would make sure nobody at the Hideaway would learn of it. You felt his gaze on you, and decided to keep yours on your feet. “I’m keeping Torgal from you, aren’t I? My bad.” You wormed yourself away from Clive who was down on one knee, still in his armor. You dusted off your dress, pretending as if your heart was not pounding in your chest.

“It’s okay, I was just wondering where he could be.” A little silence fell as Clive got up. Torgal circled around the two of you, wagging his tail. “But I’m happy that I found you as well.” Clive added. “I need to apologize, that Morbol was still on my list, we should’ve gone together. I know you hate the bastards..”

“It’s okay.” You said, his apology seemed earnest. “As you can see I’m fine. Would be nice if I don’t become the Morbol specialist around here though.”

Clive chuckled at your comment, agreeing with a nod.

“Alright, have a good night.” You said, excusing yourself.

“Wait.” Clive replied, not sure why he stopped you. You looked at him questioningly. “If you want to have more company next time, feel free to ask me.” Clive mentally slapped himself at the half hearted invite.

“Oh. Alright. I’ll keep it in mind.” It earned him a vague answer, and Clive couldn’t read your expression. You turned around and left, letting out a big sigh when he was out of earshot. 

Chapter Text

You hadn't spent a lot of time with Midadol, as she was rarely around. And when she was, she was ordering Clive around for her experiments. Not that you minded, the man was mature enough to say no if he didn't want to help. However, you didn't think Mid was a very grateful person. And Clive never said no. “Mid and Gav are in Kanver. I want you to meet Uncle Byron there, Joshua.” Clive stated. He stood behind his desk next to Otto, pointing at a city on the map that Vivan had procured. She was standing on the other side of Clive. You stood next to Jill on the other side, a bit more separated from the discussion.

“The ship is not ready, is it?” Otto wondered.

Ship? Were they building a ship? 

You had no idea. In any case, Kanver was a fun location. You'd been there often to rob and scam people out of their belongings. “Uncle Byron is there too? That would be perfect. Can we go via Tabor? There is someone I'd like you to meet there.” The brothers discussed plans a bit more, before settling on a party.

“Me, Joshua, Jill, and Y/N should go to Kanver then.” Clive said, looking briefly at each one of you. You nodded, probably included for your knowledge of the region. 

---

You all set out as quickly as possible. Clive made sure Joshua had enough medicine with him, while Jill was mothering over you. “Are you sure you don't need more potions?” She asked with a frown.

“I can't carry any more, otherwise I'd have to drop the poisons and antidotes.” You chuckled.

“Maybe Mid can help you with that in Kanver.” Jill tried, not wanting you to get hurt as bad as last time you went with them.

“I'll ask her.” You replied to keep Jill happy. It took two days to travel to Kanver, and the mood was light along the way. You rested the first night at an inn, before making your way to Tabor first. Since Clive, Joshua, and Jill had a lot of catching up to do, you opted for scouting ahead. You were more comfortable that way. And when you all arrived at Tabor without any issue, Joshua led you to a small house fairly hidden between others. “I can wait outside, keep an eye out.” You suggested. Maybe you could find some clues about Dio’s whereabouts. Or pick off some thugs to pass the time.

Clive shook his head. “No need for that.” He gently pushed you inside after Joshua and Jill, as you struggled to understand why you were needed inside.

“I would like all of you to meet Jote.” Joshua started, and a brown haired woman stood next to him.

She bowed deeply. “I am Jote. Knight of the Undying, charged with the protection of His Grace, Joshua Rosfield, Keeper of the Flame of the Phoenix.” 

Aha. The better mannered Clive. 

Joshua had spoken about a woman that helped him after Phoenix Gate. You kept yourself a little in the back when Jote, together with Joshua explained where they had been and why they had been separately operating from Clive. He seemed to take it pretty well. It came to you as a surprise that there was a secret group of people called the Undying that devoted their whole lives to the protection of a Dominant. Since your Eikon was called the ‘Hidden One’ you didn’t expect a secret organization protecting you somewhere. 

Would be nice though.

“Joshua, have you, or the Undying, heard anything about Y/N’s Eikon Prometheus? She awakened at Drake’s Fang when they were about to…” Clive’s voice trailed off, not really wanting to remember that. All eyes turned to you.

“I haven't…. I didn't know you're a Dominant.” Joshua replied, looking at you curiously.

“Yeah.. Uhm, not something I share that often.” You replied, an awkward smile on your face. Joshua stepped back, showing a tapestry. The bottom part was burned, but you recognized it immediately. Barnabas had it too in his castle.

“Prometheus, you said?” Jote asked, just as confused.

“He’s not there.” You said, before they could ask.

“How do you know? This tapestry is half burnt.” Jill asked curiously.

“The one in Stonehyrr wasn't. It was explained to me that Prometheus was the Hidden Eikon. He disagreed with the others and was cast out. For some reason he appeared again within me.” You said, and you felt Clive's gaze on you.

“Stonehyrr?” A small accusation. You hadn't told anyone about that part of your trip.

“I was in Sanbreque, and found out I could teleport when I was staring at the shores of Ash. I almost drowned.” You admitted with a small chuckle. Clive shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I needed answers.” You continued. “Prometheus is the Eikon of Twilight. Dark and light in balance, and I can use different powers in my semi primed state from each of my arms. I found out by wandering around Ash. And Barnabas and his master filled in the blanks. It is why you can sense my presence now. I fled when they tried to do something else.” You concluded.

“You're a little late with sharing this information.” Clive said irritated.

You shrugged. “It's not really relevant for any of you, right?” You deflected. “Prometheus is an anomaly. He's not a missing puzzle piece, he's an extra one, not fitting anywhere.” You were proud of that comparison, hoping to convince Clive to drop the glare. “If anything, he and I are behind your goal.” You left it at that. Clive sighed.

“Me and the Undying will look into this.” Jote said with a nod.

“Thanks Jote.” Joshua replied, his smile never left his face.

“Let's take a quick break and leave for Kanver.” Clive decided, and everyone nodded.

—

The party went north of Tabor, and didn't take long for them to reach the city. You followed Clive to a warehouse where Gav and Mid were waiting for you. There was a certain unease in the city. Something was wrong, and everyone felt it. Clive uttered a password and you recognized Gav's face as he opened the door and let you all in. “Hey Gav.” You quickly said to him as he led you to a large space where several boxes and items were stored. Mid was sitting on a crate, and the man behind her must be Clive's uncle Byron. 

Wait. I've seen him before.

“Uncle Byron!” Joshua exclaimed and you witnessed a tearful reunion of him and his uncle.

“My boy! You're alive!” They hugged each other tightly. The Rosfields liked hugging. You chuckled slightly at the notion. You moved back slightly, as Clive caught up with Gav. Jill had made her way over to Mid. You hoped Byron wouldn't recognize you. You took a heavy gil pouch from him some years ago.

“The city is overrun with Akashic.” Gav explained to Clive. They are bein’ controlled. Half of the city fled, but some of those rich bastards are still holed up in their villa's. Some are in the Merchant's District, and some in Far Bank we're assumin’.” Gav continued, and Clive thought for a moment.

“...And who is this lady?” You swallowed as the group reconvened and Byron Rosfield spotted you.

“I'm Y/N.” You introduced yourself with your real name this time.

“When did my nephew meet such a lovely lady as you?” Quite the charmer, with a big smile on his face. Jill chuckled, knowing that she already went through this when she was little.

“Hah. I'm not a lady. And we've met before, Lord Rosfield.” You observed him, seeing if he could recognize you. It didn't ring a bell.

“We've met?” He raised an eyebrow, and he was clearly embarrassed for not recognizing you.

“Don't worry, it was a brief encounter. I apologize, but you carried quite the heavy pouch.” Your confession made the room fall silent. Mid was holding back a laugh. “I ..uhm. Quit the profession though. Your nephew made sure of that.” You quickly added.

“Well, then it was money well spent!” Byron replied with a bellowing laugh which surprised you. He clapped you on the shoulder, and you gave a strained smile.

Clive came to your rescue. “Alright, Joshua and Jill, can you go rescue the remaining people in Far Bank? Me and Y/N will go to the Merchant's District. Mid, uncle, and Gav, let's meet at the shipyard.” The split made sense, teaming the most experienced with the less experienced. You nodded, just like the others. No time to waste.

---

You followed Clive, closely to not get left behind. “You keep surprising me.” Clive started, and you were unsure if it was meant as a compliment.

“Should I pay your uncle back? I kinda feel bad about it. He seems nice.”

Clive smiled, but you couldn't see his face as you were behind him. “No, I don't think that's necessary. I just-” He stopped himself, as he spotted akashic. “We'll talk later.” He said as he drew his sword. You already had your poisoned daggers in hand. 

Akashic were easy targets, but immune to your poison. You worked around that by quickly aiming for their vulnerable spots, going for the kill instead of leaning on the poison to do your job for you. The orcs however, you poisoned for Clive to finish off. You crossed a bridge, finding a courtyard where more enemies appeared. Your teamwork was improving since the Bahamut fight, and you didn't need to talk anymore. You took the back row, as Clive focussed on the bigger enemies in front. 

You followed Clive after clearing the courtyard up the stairs after opening a pair of doors. The next wave of enemies was already waiting for you. Compared to Clive you had to step up to keep up with him. You summoned your armor and scythe. “Call if you need me to heal your wounds.” You said, and Clive briefly nodded. The fighting resumed.

...

“How many courtyards do they have in this place?” You huffed annoyed as your battle led you into another courtyard. Then a narrow plaza, where the enemies were getting seriously dangerous. But so were you and Clive. You kept yourself healed, as an Orc Warlord appeared. Just like you, these bastards could teleport. Its staff magic could do massive damage, and Clive pushed you out of an incoming beam. You teleported behind him to heal the scrape he sustained because of it, before both resuming the fight. Clive summoned the Titans arm and finished him off with a huge attack. You were breathing heavy at this point, and took a few deep breaths to steady yourself. Clive waited for you, a worried look on his face. “I can go on by myself-” He started.

“Not very nice to leave me behind My Lord.” You were offended by his comment. “I'm okay, just need to catch my breath.”

“Sorry, I didn't mean it like that..” Clive replied, regretting his comment. Both of you weren't wounded, which was testament of your skill. 

You approached a building, and another wave of enemies appeared out of thin air. “Where are they?” Clive said, jumping in and looking out for the hiding people. It was too quiet. The waves of enemies were non-stop, and Clive was getting irritated. “Where is he! Where is your master?”

When you cleared them out, the doors of the massive building before you opened. “You’ve caused quite the commotion.” You looked up to see a man in armor.

“I'll take this one. Please stand back.” Clive said, stepping forward.

“Okay, give me a shout when you need help.” You were sure that comment fell on deaf ears, but you wanted to say it anyway. 

“But then I would expect no less from you Mythos. ” He had silver hair, nicely swept to the side, a small braid over his shoulder. He kept his helm in his hands, and spoke with a smooth voice.

“You again. I don't believe we've been introduced.” Clive replied, observing his enemy. “You were in my family's crypt and now you're here with an army of akashic thralls.”

“Manners, Lord Rosfield, they are men like you and me, albeit ones unburdened by the wills that drive our kind to madness. They are pure…. They are divine.” The knight slowly walked towards both of you.

“What..?” Clive replied, confused.

“And they are all that remains in this once raucus city.” The knight descended the stairs, step by step.

“You'll pay for what you've done!” Clive exclaimed, raising his sword.

“As you wish. I confess I have been very much looking forward to this. Pardon me this indulgence your majesty. The Vessel shall not be spoiled.” The knight puts on his helmet, and draws his sword. “I am Sleipnir, of House Harbard. And you will yield.”  

The two approached each other, and their swords clashed. Sleipnir was agile, slashing and lunging. And when he teleported, you knew he was with Barnabas. “Forgive me if my performance seems uninspired.” Sleipnir said, teleporting back. Clive could handle him, until the knight summoned a huge black spear. “It is just that I expected so much more from our chosen one. Perhaps this will kindle your flame..”

“What now?!” Clive replied, catching his breath.

“A gift from my liege lord's armory… Gungir. Watch closely Mythos.” Sleipnir’s range became huge, and slashes and thrusts were more difficult to avoid.

“What the-” You barely ducked out of the way, as a beam was shot from the tip of the spear. You saw Clive look back. “Don't worry about me!” You shouted, without meeting his eyes. The whole courtyard was filled with red magic circles that you both had to doge to avoid spears or beams shooting up from the ground. The sun was setting, and you felt uneasy.

Clive took a careful approach, flashing around the courtyard and getting hits in, while you ducked around and stayed back as much as possible. It seemed like ages until Clive bested his enemy. “The Vessel is strong…” When Sleipnir fell to his knees, his helmet fell to the ground before he collapsed. Relieved, you ran towards Clive to heal his wounds.

“Give me your hand.” You said, grabbing his right already with yours.

“I’m okay.” He replied, surprised with your firmness.

“Just let me do this.” You huffed, pulling healing energy from your reserve. Silver light poured over his body as you got rid of the bruises and cuts. You exhaled, taking a moment to recover when a sudden blast shook you and Clive. For a moment, you saw a purple line over the building in front of you. Then it fully collapsed.

“Leaving so soon… Mythos?” Barnabas appeared from the rubble.

“It’s him…” You uttered, looking up at the black haired man.

“Indeed you may kneel before Barnabas Tharmr, warden of Ash, and king of Waloed.”

“Get back.” Clive ordered, pushing you back.

“But-” You tried, but Clive ignored you. Barnabas picked up Sleipnir’s discarded sword, briefly inspecting it before swinging it with finesse. There was a grin on his face, an emotion you hadn’t seen on him before. He put one arm on his back, taking a stance. Clive drew his sword, and ran towards him. There was a fierceness in his attacks, but none of them were true as Barnabas sidestepped or parried with ease. With Clive’s last attack, Barnabas shoulder bashed him a few meters back. Clive growled in frustration. His next flurry of blows was just as unsuccessful, with Barnabas using his knee to off balance Clive, pushing him to the side.

You clenched your fists. Again, you were only allowed to watch. “Wild and impetuous. I expected more of the boy who bested my Lord Commander. Yet I see why my master covets you so. The power within you Mythos. The potential.” Clive lunged forward again, attacking Barnabas with fierce slashes. The king parried, sidestepped and slashed Clive’s calf, making him bend the knee. Barnabas raised his sword to Clive’s throat, and you saw Clive’s surprised expression. You gasped.

“Stop calling me Mythos!” He exclaimed, his brows furrowed.

“But Mythos is everything.” Barnabas replied, allowing Clive to stand up, his sword still at his throat. “The cornerstone of all creation. The lord’s vessel. Your purpose.”

Clive quickly moved away from the blade. “My purpose?! To surrender my mind and body to that thing ?” Clive slowly moved to the left, and put you in Barnabas’s view. “No your Majesty. My purpose is my own. I made a promise to my friends…. to my people… and nothing is going to stand in my way.” Clive stated, holding his sword steady.

“You would allow this delusion of free will to bar your path to greatness?” There was frustration and annoyance on Barnabas’s face. “Truly… your volition is a cancer, one that must be excised.”  Barnabas dropped the sword, and raised his arms. Dark energy surrounded him briefly, before a longer, dark, blazing sword was summoned in his hand.

“Try it!” Clive exclaimed, semi-priming. He ran towards Barnabas, who raised his leg, kicking Clive away. The latter grunted in frustration. He slowly tried to get up.

“Men….” Barnabas started, swinging his sword from a distance.

“No!” You exclaimed, feeling the power of that swing. You were too far away. Too far back. You saw the blood spurt from Clive's chest, Ifrit’s energy dissipating as quickly as it had appeared. He fell forward, his consciousness already gone.

“You are as weak as all the rest.” Barnabas stated, lowering his blueish sword.

You teleported towards Clive, summoning your armor again. “Weak?! Don’t call him weak.” You barked towards Barnabas. “He fights for what he believes in. You just want to end the world!” There was blood everywhere, and you panicked. One of those attacks again and you were gone. Still, you poured every last bit of healing energy you had into Clive.

“Hmmph. You better hurry up, before he dies.” Barnabas said, leaving you to it.

“You’re a dead man.” You threatened. Gritting your teeth, you could not help yourself.

“Why put all your trust in Mythos? You’re a Dominant yourself.” Barnabas questioned.

“Right back at you.” You spat.

He grinned. “Look at how desperate you are. You love him, don’t you?” Your hands were covered in his blood, and you did your best to stabilize Clive. Silver energy sparked and stopped the bleeding, but you were afraid it was not enough. You were not enough.

“Love?” You looked down at Clive, who was still unconscious. “Hah. I am.” You admitted, looking back at Barnabas. “What does it matter? I’m not as strong as he is. And I’m just a commoner.”

“What does that matter? So was I before I became king.” Barnabas replied, not understanding you. 

The more I talk, the more time I have. Jill… Joshua… Please be here soon!

“It matters.” You declared. “And I’m free to think whatever the fuck I like.” You glanced over at Clive before turning back to Barnabas. “You call him weak, but do not see who he is. He fights for his friends, his family, and wants to protect everyone. Not a day goes by where he is not fighting…” You looked down at him. “He’s shit at protecting himself though.” You pressed your hands harder into his body, summoning your last bit of healing. You exhaled, as Clive was stable enough for you to step away. “Free will is something we want. Not to become akashic. What’s the use in that? To wander around aimlessly until we die? Until the world perishes?”

Barnabas had been quiet, looking at you. “Let me see how strong you’ve become.” He said, raising his sword again.

“Prometheus. Let’s show him.” You clenched your fists, summoning your Eikon. Your body was enveloped in silver energy, and you grew in size. Prometheus’s armor appeared and you clanged your fists together.

“Clive!” Joshua’s voice rang behind you.

“Oh no!” Jill’s voice too.

“Take him somewhere safe. I’ll hold Barnabas off.” Your voice was heavy, ancient and reverberated through the courtyard you were standing on.

“Hold me off? Were you not going to kill me?” Barnabas smirked. Joshua and Jill did as they were told, carrying Clive to safety. You didn’t wait for them however, a silver fist raining down on Barnabas. He raised his sword to block, unable to parry the strike. You summoned your scythe, ready to cleave him while he was still distracted. He teleported just as your blade was about to hit him. You too could play that game. You appeared in his blind spot a fist from the side. Barnabas rolled forward, evading the hit. “Although I enjoy this little skirmish, I don’t have time.” Barnabas stated, semi-priming. Armor appeared around his body, a helmet on his face. He grew in size, but definitely not as much as you had.

“I don’t care.” You replied, looking up at the sky. It was turning red, the sun halfway gone at the horizon. Barnabas swung his sword, a slash coming your way. You teleported, attacking the moment you appeared behind him. Those attacks meant nothing if they didn’t hit. You sent a flurry of blows his way, heavy armored fists upon him until you stepped back and swung your scythe.

“Such a crude weapon.” Barnabas noted, having to block all your hits. When he attacked you again, you teleported to avoid the slash. This time you didn’t immediately attack. You charged your scythe, sending a dark slash his way. Barnabas barely evaded it. “It seems I underestimated you.” His voice was calm, and you couldn’t see his face underneath the helmet.

“I’ve learned from our last encounter.” You replied, readying your weapon.

“Why did you not step in when I fought Mythos? Was it free will that you wanted to see him suffer?”

“I respected his wish.” You said, irritated by the question. “He wanted to fight you on his own. Just as I am now. This is not about Clive, he is already saved. He’ll become stronger, and learn from this, just as I did last time. I already did what I needed.” You stated. The sun went down behind you, and at that moment of twilight, you roared. Your scythe disappeared, several blades appearing on your armored lower arms, the same size as your weapon was. The black side of your armor spiked further, and a white cape appeared behind you. “Prepare yourself.” You said, and teleported.

In a whirl of surprise, Barnabas primed into Odin. He grew bigger than you, on top of his six-legged steed. His weapon adapting to him, he blocked your incoming attacks. Your red and blue eyes shone bright in the brief moment that you were your most powerful. Prometheus was able to shoot the blades from your arms, as they disappeared and appeared back on your arms at your command. You relentlessly attacked, while Odin tried to get out of reach. You teleported after him. The sky was turning dark. Your time was running out. Odin fervently blocked, waiting out his time. You couldn’t find a way through his defense. Until a silver fist knocked him off his horse. That was the moment your weapons disappeared, just like your cape. Odin floated, his horse disappeared. He raised his sword, sending a powerful attack your way. You evaded, by teleporting. “It’s over.” His heavy voice rang through the sky as he appeared in front of you, stabbing the sword straight through your chest. Your armor cracked, but the mad grin on your face was there to stay.

“I made you run away…”

—

“Will he be alright?” Mid asked, sitting at the end of the bed Clive was currently laying in. They were at the Ironworks shipyard, getting the ship ready to depart from the now empty city of Kanver.

“The Phoenix and Prometheus can mend flesh but the spirit must recover on its own. I'm afraid the rest is up to him.” Joshua replied, looking solemnly at his brother. His gaze shifted towards the ship. “This place is remarkable, it must have been no small feat. But why go to such trouble?” He asked Mid.

“That beauty's belly is filled with wonders the world ain't ready for. If the guilds caught wind of what we were up to they'd all want a piece…” Byron and Gav approached, with the former carrying a bottle of wine.

“And? How is he?” Byron asked. “Do not blame yourself. He was barely breathing when you brought him here. We would have lost him if it were not for you.” He hugged the flask, staring down at Clive.

“No. Barnabas may have severed nigh every sinew in my brother's body but Y/N stabilized him. I saw the blood, Barnabas went all out because she was there.” Joshua replied worriedly.

“Nigh every sinew?” Byron replied, his eyes widening.

“Ah… your Lordship. Allow me. Don't know what I was thinkin’ putting you to the trouble like that.” Gav approached, offering to take the flask from Byron.

“Hah! It is no trouble carrying comestibles to my ailing nephew.” Byron replied, his smile returning.

“I know.. But- I know what you've already done so much for us pouring your gill into the Hideaway and now the ship.” Gav took the flask from Byron, setting it with the other supplies they were gathering for their trip. “I don’t want to take the piss…” Jill had settled down next to Mid on the other side of the bed.

“You tried to take him on by yourself, didn’t you?” Jill whispered, a wry smile on her face.

“What? Are you guys mad?” Mid replied, surprised at Jill’s comment.

It put a smile on Clive’s face. “I wouldn’t go that far.” He said, still unmoving.

“Clive!” Mid exclaimed, as she stood up to approach him. Jill smiled, forcing her tears to stay away.

“You’re awake!” Joshua added, approaching him from the other side.

“My boy!” Byron chimed. Several sighs of relief echoed in the hall.

“All I want to do is help.” Clive continued, his voice strained. “And the world won’t save itself. It was Cid- your father who taught me that.” He added, grabbing Mid’s arm.

“Sounds like him.” She replied with a small smile.

“Don’t you dare do that again.” Gav said, crossing his arms.

“What of the royalists?” Clive asked.

“Fucked off. The lot of them. Along with the galleon. With the king on board, no doubt. The Einherjar wouldn’t sail off without him.” Gav replied, and Clive looked dazed. “Clive. Y/N…. didn’t come back.” The black haired man turned back to Gav.

“...What do you mean?” His brows furrowed slightly.

Mid lowered her head. “She kept the king busy… While the others dragged you out.” A silence fell, and Clive stared at the ceiling.

“It’s alright Mid. I can still feel her.” It was typical of you to volunteer to stay behind. With little respect to your own life. Clive was relieved he could feel you were alive, but it meant you were in his hands. “Y/N is fine.” He said then.

“The aether of her Eikon endures.” Joshua nodded. “And as long as it does, we can be certain that she is alive.” Jill withheld a sigh.

“Y/N will be with the king. I’m sure of it.” Clive said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“He did try to kill her last time…” Gav softly replied, not wanting to be the bearer of bad news.

“I…” Clive started, but was at a loss for words. The last time they had found her on a Waloedian ship was alive, but by a thread. Clive clenched his fists. “It’s my fault.” He gritted his teeth. “We’ll get her back.” 

“Well, good luck catching them, ‘cause my ship’s goin’ nowhere.” Mid replied. She had a worried look on her face and sat down next to Clive. “It's the mithril engine, he's got a kick like a wild chocobo, and a mind to tear the hull in half.”

“But you have an idea.” Clive replied, looking at her. She sighed, looking at her knees.

“Well of course I do. My dad’ll have seen this coming a league off. If I had his old writings…”

“If you had his old writings you'd be sitting under a fuck load of rubble.” Gav replied, not too keen on the idea. “The ones Otto didn't save anyway. I s’pose he might still have a few pages in his stores.” He added.

Clive looked at Mid. “We'll have to hope it's enough. Do what you can to ready the ship. I’ll speak with Otto.” Clive stated, looking back at the others.

“In your condition? You really are mad!” Byron said worriedly.

“Perhaps.” Clive replied with a small chuckle. “But the world really won't save itself.”

Chapter Text

You were unsure how much time had passed. The universe played a mean streak on you, as you found yourself captured on a Waloedian ship once again. “Third time’s the charm eh.” You grumbled. Your hands were chained behind your back, and you couldn’t teleport. You tried to move, but your body was aching. However, no visible wounds were found. Your muscles protested every moment though, and your head was heavy. “Where am I?” Looking around, you only saw wooden bars barring you from leaving, a small chair and table with food and drink ready for consumption. On the other side was just a pair of stairs leading up. The room was surprisingly well lit, candles casting soft shadows over your prison. Enough light and warmth to lull into another deep sleep.

—

With each passing hour, Clive got more anxious. He’d been confident in Kanver, but every moment he was not actively helping to get you back, he noticed that his hands were shaking. Gav was right, and Barnabas might not kill you right now, he would definitely go out of his way to hurt you. And if he would find you again like last time…. He gritted his teeth, jaw taut with frustration. You had saved his life, together with Joshua. He was still standing because the two of you helped him get back up. Clive finished restocking his supplies, ready to get back to Kanver. He’d found a weird item left behind by Cid, and this could just be what Mid needed to get the Enterprise going. “Clive.” Tarja knocked on his door and opened it without waiting. “Prince Dion has left.”

“Ah.” It wasn’t a surprise, but the timing was right at the moment that he couldn’t care less. “Thanks for letting me know.” He replied, ready to set out. 

It turned out that the contraption from Cid was exactly what they had been looking for. Mid got to work, and Clive and Joshua were discussing what to do against Odin’s sword. “It is said that I can sever the threads of creation.” Joshua said with a wry smile.

Clive furrowed his brow, deep in thought. “We need to evade that sword at all costs.” Further thoughts were drowned out, as a sudden bash on the Ironworks shipyard revealed enemies at their doorstep. “We need to buy Mid time!” Clive shouted, rallying everyone who was not actively working on the ship. Torgal growled at the door, ready to bite the first one who entered.

—

It surprised you that you had no wounds. Barnabas was looking at you with curiosity when you woke up. “How long have you been here.” You glared at him. “And why am I still alive?” There was an evil grin on his face, and you’d be lying if it didn’t scare you.

“Not long.” He replied calmly, observing you. “You are an offer to my master. You’ll not be harmed. Severely.” The sentence was unsettling, and you swallowed. “Why haven’t you eaten?” He asked.

“Not hungry.” You said, looking away from him. That was a mistake, and it earned you a sword at your throat through the bars. He drew blood, a calm anger radiating from him. He towered over you, as you were on your knees. You immediately moved back out of range. “Do that one more time and my face is the last you’ll ever see.” You threatened, biting back to your captor.

It amused Barnabas, a smile creeping on his face again. He appeared behind you in a flash, and lowered himself. “I wouldn’t mind.” He whispered in your ear as he snaked a hand around your throat. You cursed, as he squeezed the air out of your windpipe. Your vision went dark around the edges, and when you almost passed out, he loosened his grip. “I think some punishment is in order.” You froze when his hand grabbed your chest.

“No!” You tried, wriggling from his grip. “Fuck off you bast-”

He squeezed your neck, a vice grip on your throat that silenced you with ease. “I think you misunderstand the situation.” Barnabas said, his voice dark.

You froze, cold sweat dripping down your back. You tugged at the chains, to no avail. And when his hand travelled down, you wish you could pass out. But the oxygen was just enough to keep you awake and aware. “Stop…” Your voice was hoarse, and you desperately tried to keep your tears from spilling.

Barnabas didn’t reply as he found your sensitive spot. He took his time with you, and you gritted your teeth. “Ngh…” His breath was on your ear, and you just couldn't get away. It was not supposed to feel good. His fingers were assaulting you with no remorse. You didn’t want any of this. But your body betrayed you, and you were close to something that you wouldn’t like to experience with this man. Your breath hitched when Barnabas increased his speed. He squeezed your throat harder, and you rolled your head back.

“That’s it.” He praised you, and your body tensed up. Heat spread through you, and your tears escaped. Your face was red from the heated, unwanted pleasure. Moans escaped your mouth as you came undone. Your vision blackened, the lack of oxygen becoming too much.

From then on, you were sure to finish the meals that were provided to you. Even if you had to eat and drink like a dog. And when Barnabas brought it, you backed into a corner to avoid him from appearing behind you. “I must say, it’s a bit of a shame that you’re eating now.” He grinned as he put the plate and a bowl of water on the small wooden table.

“What is it that you want with me.” Your voice was weak, the bruises on your throat in full bloom.

“Mythos cares about you. And he needs to live up to his potential. If I have to break you in the process, I’d gladly do so.” You were not going to break from the treatment you had gotten from him so far. Traumatizing, yes. Was it breaking your spirit? Not yet. Until he wiped your mouth with a handkerchief. “I’ll leave that here for you. You don’t need to look like a dog.”

You withheld everything until he was gone. With widened eyes and frozen muscles you watched him go. Then you started shaking, and the tears finally came. “S-son of a bitch…” Your breath hitched. You were trembling, and found no way to stop it. Fucking disgusting brat resounded in your head. You were reminded of the beatings from your father. Sobs escaping your mouth. Being unwanted. Weak. You cried yourself to sleep, unable to stomach any food.

—

There was a different kind of anger in Clive’s attacks. A certain desperation and determination that made him rain down relentless attacks on every Sleipnir that entered the docks. These fuckers were going to pay. “Clive!” Joshua shouted from the edge of the ship, hands clenching the wooden railing. The Enterprise was moving, and he was about to miss it. With a final attack, Clive turned around and sprinted for the galleon. He flew through the air, his arms barely reaching the ship. Relieved, Clive entered the Enterprise.

“Hold on, Y/N. We’re on our way.”

—

You needed time to calm down. Your jaw was hurting from gritting. You inhaled deeply, after sitting up. In the end you had fallen asleep somehow. You needed to center yourself, and realize what you were doing. 

Trembling? Over a dirty face? Over him seeing me at my weakest? Jill would’ve taken it like a champ. Hell, she would’ve spit in his face. Gav would've laughed.

It made you furious. You wanted to be better than a crybaby. You were better than that. Everyone at the Hideaway helped you in overcoming this. None of them called you a dog. None of them found you disgusting. That was worth more than one man trying to torment you. You took a deep breath. Unable to rub the sleep out of your eyes and the dried tears from your face, you huffed. “It’s okay.” You told yourself. “I’m okay.” You rested your head on the wood behind you. Your shoulders were aching. 

Clive will be here. No doubt about it. He’ll find a way. And then he’ll glare at me for putting myself in danger like that.

You smiled. You’d love some of his glares right now. You imagined him sitting on that chair, arms crossed and legs wide. His brows furrowed, staring at you with his cerulean eyes. Your thoughts drifted off, and you imagined dancing in this little space. With him. You’d step on his feet regularly, but he would still smile. The space transformed, sand rising from the crevices of the wood. It dragged you to a castle made of sand.
You landed on your knees, and Clive had reached out his hand to you. Jill appeared next to him, reaching out her hand as well. And Gav. Otto. Tarja. Molly. Hortense. Joshua. Even Blackthorne and Charon. Torgal too. They all took your arm, lifting you up with ease. You felt carefree, able to talk, eat and dance in your castle. You were a princess, without the dress. And then you opened your eyes and realized you had been dreaming. When did you fall asleep?

“It seems your friends are in pursuit.” Barnabas said. You looked up, not realizing he was there. You decided to stand up, tired of the way he looked down at you. You were wobbly, approaching the bars.

“You know what that means, right?” You asked. Barnabas raised an eyebrow at you. “It won’t be long before I’m out of these chains.” You square your shoulders, staring at him.

“And? You’ll try to hold me off again?” Barnabas questioned.

“Me? How about four Dominants against one?” You replied with a shrug. “If I could already get you to prime…” You didn’t step back when he pulled his sword on you.

“I’m not sure where your confidence comes from..” Barnabas started. “But I’m not afraid to die. I’ll welcome it, under the right circumstances.”

“Good. Same here.” You stepped forward, challenging him once again, letting the blade draw blood. Barnabas stared at you, before retracting his sword. “You let me experience a new low.” You said, with a newfound calmness. “You’ve helped me gather myself. I’m curious to know if you would’ve looked at me the same if I wasn’t a Dominant.”

Barnabas stepped closer, his piercing blue eyes seizing you. “I’d like to think I would.” He replied, putting a hand through the bars to lift up your chin. There was a wry smile on his face. Another new emotion on him. The man in front of you didn’t scare you anymore. He did his worst, and you were still there. Just like your father, he was going to be in your past. “Under different circumstances, you could’ve been a queen.” The response struck you by surprise as he let go of your chin. A gentle movement, his fingers lingering.

An alarm rang from the upper decks. Barnabas didn’t look back as he left the room. You fell to your knees, exhaling a breath you didn’t know you were holding.
You felt yourself smiling. They were coming to rescue you. They had gotten that giant ship to work. They hadn’t betrayed you. Your trust in them was well put, and a warmth travelled through your body. Tears escaped you, running down your face. You had made the right decision in trusting them. In opening up to them. And joining their cause. You are smiling. You had come a long way from the little malnourished girl to the woman you were today. And when you saw a familiar face run down the stairs, you felt your smile go wide.

“Just the person I was hoping to see.” You say, sudden exhaustion overcoming you.

“Are you okay?!” Clive exclaimed, face full of worry. He opened the door, flinching when he saw the cuts and bruises on your neck and upper chest.

“Don’t look at me like that. It’s just a few cuts and bruises.” You downplayed the disheveled state you were in.

“Hands.” Clive removed the chains.

“You look worse.” You added, chuckling slightly as you rolled your shoulders to rub out the aching of your strained muscles.

“I don’t.” Clive said, a strained smile on his face as he held out his hand for you to take. The moment you took it, he pulled you into a tight hug. “I really don’t.” He whispered, holding back a sob.

It surprised you. “Thanks for coming to get me.” You whispered, moving back slightly. His piercing gaze full of worry held you in place. It took you a moment before your hands reached his face. Maybe it was the moment. Maybe it was your feelings all along. You closed your eyes and kissed him.

Clive's eyes widened in surprise, before he couldn't help but kiss you back. One hand on your waist, the other on the back of your head to deepen the kiss. Your tongues intertwined, and he felt a certain relief from you.
The ship started shaking, and you both froze, before immediately stepping back. “Can you walk? We need to go.” Clive eventually said, as the both of you let go to catch your breath.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Clive and you would talk about all this later. Now you have to go up the stairs.
The sunlight hits you right in the face, and you squint your eyes to adjust to the blue skies. “I realized I never asked.” Clive started. “How good are you with a sword?” He handed you the small one on his hip.

“Uhm. Terrible.” You replied, shaking your head.

“When we’re back at the Hideaway, me and Jill are going to teach you.” Clive responded, a small smile on his lips as he put the sword back on his belt.

Your eyes fell on the sea. “I don’t think that’s normal?”

“Get back inside.” Clive replied quickly, already dragging you back as the ship lopped off what seemed to be a split in the sea. The Einherjar crashed down, falling to the bottom of the ocean. “Put your back against mine.” He said, as both of you were standing in the staircase where you came from. “Put your hands against the wall and brace for impact.” You nodded at his suggestion, pressing your back against his with acceptable force. The moment the black galleon keeled over the waters’ edge, you felt gravity doing its work. Your stomach fluttered, and you held back a scream. Clive used some magick to protect your heads when the impact came. You growled, teeth grinding. “Are you okay?” Clive asked, turning around to look at you, after everything came to a standstill.

“Yeah, never been better.” You replied, a chuckle leaving your lips. It was not the time for jokes, but you couldn’t help yourself. Clive gave you a quick smile, urging you to follow him off the ship. He paved the way, jumping down from the ship that was heeling to its side, with a group of rocks supporting it to not completely fall sideways. Clive reached out his hand to you. He had probably forgotten that you could teleport down, but you took his hand anyway. It was best to save the little strength you had left.
You both looked in awe at the parted sea. Blue walls as high as you could see, and as far as you could see. It was an odd sensation to stand in the middle, the rocks and plants being the bottom of a deep ocean.

“Leaving so soon?” A familiar deep voice behind you, and both you and Clive turned around swiftly. Barnabas stood a few meters away, semi-primed with his hellish sword raised. Clive immediately stepped in front of you, his arm moving towards his sword. You were quicker, summoning only your black armor on your right arm, teleporting towards Barnabas. You appeared right in front of him, to disappear again in a familiar puff of black wisps. Barnabas moved his sword back to block his blind spot, where you had appeared multiple times. Only this time, you had learned. Appearing on that exact spot again in front of him, and you decked him full force. You teleported above him, swiftly pinning his head between your thighs and squeezing the air from him. Barnabas growled in surprise, trying to stay afoot with the added weight on his body.

“Not so fun now hmm?” You sneered, squeezing as hard as you could while using your powers to syphon energy off of him. But when he raised his sword to stab you, you had to retreat. You appeared behind Clive, panting heavily. You got greedy, but at least you healed the bruises on your throat. Clive quickly glanced over, seeing that you were okay. No time to be surprised.

“What did you do to Joshua?!” He shouted towards Barnabas, fists clenched in boiling anger.

“The Phoenix? He’ll live.” Barnabas replied with a smirk, as if nothing had happened before. He slowly moved towards the two of you, and Clive drew his blade. “The world will soon be painted in black. And all that lives shall soon gather in Death’s autumn wake.”

“What the fuck does that even mean.” You whispered behind Clive.

“Not if we remove the cause of this misery.” Clive replied towards Barnabas, still on edge. “Not if we destroy the last of the mothercrystals and restore balance to the world.” He added, and Barnabas frowned.

“Come now, do you truly think it so simple? The Blight is inevitable.” He replied. His dark armor was eerie, and together with the splashing of water and imminent rocks around you, you were nervous. “Not even the Almighty can stop its endless march.” Barnabas preached, and you once again felt like he had more information than you. The Dominant of Odin kept taking steps towards you. “Your efforts will avail us naught. Naught but suffering, that is.” He was getting close, and you had no sword or daggers to defend yourself with. Clive observed, sword in hand. You couldn’t see his face, but his muscles were tense, the sounds of leather constricting hearable. “You must embrace the truth Mythos. Accept your place with the Lord!” Barnabas exclaimed, raising his arms.

“Keep it!” Clive replied, readying himself. “As long as there is a chance, there’s a choice!” You admired his words. Clive was confident, and you believed him. He was willing to fight until the end.

“Ever led astray by your blind resolve…” Barnabas replied, dark energy surrounding him. The talking was over, and you instinctively took a step back. You were in no condition to fight, as much as that frustrated you. Barnabas semi-primed, a helmet and his ever cutting sword appearing in his hands. “Now.. It is time you learned the inevitably of your divine fate… However much it may hurt.” His voice was almost robotic, heavy and menacing. He motioned towards Clive to start the fight.

“Get as far away as you can.” Clive said to you, without looking back.

“You can’t ask that of me.” You replied, clenching your fists.

What if the same happened as last time? What if you were too far away and you saw him perish from a distance? What if-

“Trust me.” Clive said, turning towards you. You couldn't read his expression. His blues pierced you.

“Fuck.” You cursed, not knowing what to do. Did you truly trust Clive? A hand on your shoulder, a small, meaningful squeeze. He wanted you to be safe. With a final look into his piercing blue eyes, you stepped back, running off to make space. But not too far. Their fighting began, and you watched the exchanging of blades.

Fast, furious, and unrelenting from both sides. You couldn’t see Barnabas’s face, only his wicked sword strikes. Clive was fast on his feet, dodging and sidestepping before parrying as a last resort. Barnabas could teleport, just like you, and you tried to follow and learn from his patterns. You could barely stand on your feet, but you forced yourself to do at least this much. It seemed to go on for ages, both men not showing any signs of stopping. Until Clive seemed somewhat out of breath. “And thus is the light of hope severed!” Barnabas exclaimed. He lowered himself, his sword behind him. He hovered his armored hand over the hilt, charging up. Clive held up his sword to block the incoming hit. Your eyes widened in shock when the attack seemed to go right through him.

He fell back, blood spurting from his chest. And then he took a step back, regaining his balance. Clive was panting heavily, but raised his sword anyway. “You would yield so soon?” Barnabas asked, raising his sword once more.

“Never!” Clive replied, clenching his fists. He exhaled, and then collapsed.

“Clive! Fuck.” You ran towards him, dropping down on your knees beside him. Clive was still awake, clinging to stay conscious. Placing a hand on his back, you looked up at Barnabas as you poured in every drop of energy you had left. With gritted teeth you tried to find a pair of eyes, but to no avail. Then his helmet faded.

“Do you not see?” He asked, approaching the two of you. “Your iron will weighs you down. Dragging you even further away from your purpose.” He stated.

“And what is my purpose?!” Clive replied, his voice desperate.

“Mythos. Who are we? What are the Dominants?” Barnabas asked, like lecturing a child. “The breath of the Creator still warm on our lips, we carry His light that we might guide the masses in His name.” Placing an arm on his chest, he continued his god worshipping speech. “We are but mighty acts of God.”

“We are more than that!” Clive roared.

“You would be nothing without what He has granted you.” Barnabas bit back. There was annoyance on his face, and you felt yourself matching it. The king was ignoring you, only focussed on Clive. It felt like whatever exchange you had with the man was put far back into his mind, to the point where you thought it was already forgotten. “The power we wield is his.” Barnabas stated. “And yet every time we draw upon it, it wears away at our very being.”

“Speak for yourself.” You spoke up, and stood straight with difficulty. You did everything you could for Clive, and you were done listening to this mad man. “Chosen by God or whatever, I don’t give a shit.” You took a step forward, your voice becoming louder. “I was granted these powers by someone different than your God. They did not want to be part of your little spectacle.” You glared at him, without a care. Barnabas finally turned his gaze towards you again. “All we want is to be free and live equally. There is nothing wrong with fighting for that.”

“Hah. You are right, Y/N. You are an anomaly, appearing to foil His plans. But it does not matter. You alone will not make a difference.” Barnabas turned back to Clive. “Mythos. You wield the might of many, yet your body does not answer to its avarice.”

“What are you saying?!” Clive replied confused.

“What I am saying… Is that we Dominants are a means to an end. We were created for you, that you might drink deep of our strength and thereby fulfill your divine purpose.”

“Which is?!” Clive asked, his voice dripping with anger.  You realized that Barnabas could end the two of you any moment. Proud and angry as you were, the both of you were at a huge disadvantage.

“To feed . As you would know, could you only look beyond your prison of self-regard. As long as you choose to ignore this, you shall never penetrate my defenses. Still, you may take solace in the fact that you are not alone in your plight. The chains of volition shackle all of mankind. But there is yet cause to rejoice. For the Lord, in his mercy, has taken pity on his flawed creations. And shall see them restored to their proper forms.” Barnabas stated.

“And what exactly would that be?!” You asked, not understanding his words.

“Why, loyal servants to God.”

“No…” Clive exclaimed, his voice low. “You mean to turn everyone Akashic!”

“Not turn Mythos. Turn back.” Barnabas replied, satisfied with Clive’s response. “For too long has mankind been led astray by their clamorous wills. It is time they returned to a world of quiet equality. Where they might once more know salvation.” He was preaching being mindless as something good and you didn’t get it.

“Salvation?!” You exclaimed, confused.

“We don’t need your salvation.” Clive started, still on one knee, but looking up with determination. “We’ll save ourselves. And we’ll do it on our own terms. Not yours. Not your god’s!” He gritted his teeth. His face was covered in his own blood. Still his sword was clenched between his fingers and spoke with pure will and confidence. Barnabas his next words you drowned out, still holding Clive tightly as to support him. He challenged Clive once more to gather all the Eikon’s, and you wondered if that included you.

The severed water collapsed, finally wanting to return whole. Barnabas disappeared, and the both of you had to act fast. “Clive, we need to move. Ash is not that far.” He nodded, standing up. “I can maybe teleport us there.” You said, doing your best to summon your armor.

“You’re in no fit state!” Clive said, panic and worry on his face.

With a wry smile you wrapped your arms around him, as you were not sure it would work otherwise. “You prefer to drown?” You asked, not waiting for a reply.

It took you multiple teleports to get you to Ash. In the end, Clive had to drag you by your jacket out of the sea onto shore, as you were exhausted. Coughing up water, you started at the darkening sky. You panted, content with just lying in the sand until you felt you could move again. 

Chapter Text

“I hope they're all safe.” You tried, staring at the fire on your side. The both of you were sitting back to back, clothes discarded to dry on the other side.

“The Enterprise was clear of the gap when we fell. They made it, Y/N. I'm not so sure if they saw you teleport though. We can only hope they could see this was our only option. We'll have to wait till dawn.” Clive replied solemnly. A silence fell between the two of you, and you hugged your knees. Not the situation you hoped to be in. And definitely not in these circumstances. “This is the second time that Barnabas has bested me. I'm powerless against him.” Clive started, an uncertainty in his voice you hadn’t heard from him before.

“You think so? Then maybe you should give yourself to his master.” You replied, knowing that that wasn’t an option but your mind wouldn't give you another. “I don't think you're like that. You're different Clive. What about saving your people?” You wondered.

“So you believe…. But do you really know me? If what Barnabas has said was true then … I'm more monster than man. And each time I summon the flames from within, I burn away the things that make me who I am.” Clive said, desperation in his voice. He stared at the endless sand in front of him. 

“What? Is that really? Think about all the people you've saved with those powers. Including me.” It offended you that he thought so little of himself. How could he be saying this? You moved away from him, turning around so your words might reach him better. “It doesn't matter how you got these powers or where they came from. The fact that you use them for such good things, how selfless you are…” You tried, thinking of all the times he protected the ones in need.

“I've also used it to kill. What if that's my purpose? What if that's all I'm good for?” His voice turned slightly hoarse, and Clive felt his eyes glaze over. Phoenix Gate came to mind, and he punched the sand in frustration. Sobs escaped him and his body trembled slightly. It hurts you to see him like this. Of course it did. You had put these feelings away, but you could no longer. Without thinking, you did what Clive always did when he comforted you. You hugged him from behind, hoping to make him realize that you did not agree with his words. 

“You haven't changed since the moment I met you. I know it's not much, but I'd like to believe it means something. You're so eager to save everyone around you. And I think you’re forgetting the most important person that needed you. Clive. You never even once took the time to save yourself.” You placed your battered hand over his.

“Myself? I think I'm beyond saving.” Clive replied tiredly. As if he was ready to throw himself into the sea and just float off to god knows where. 

“No one is beyond saving. You know that. As long as they're willing to be saved. You fight to survive. So that you can protect the ones that you love. It's what you do. From the moment I met you. And it was probably since you were born. And that's not going to change now. I hoped to follow you till the end of the world, but it's better for me to help you. I'm going to give you my power.”

Clive turned around in surprise, his eyes wide. “Y/N…are you sure?...If… if that is what you want…then…” He reached out his hand but you took it within your own before he reached your sternum.

“H-Hang on.” He was going too fast, and you realized you were on the verge of crying. You were giving him the one thing that had made you useful in the past years. Everything that made you different, powerful, and most of all, had been able to protect you. You didn’t really think this through, but then again, that was not one of your strenghts. You looked up at Clive, daring to meet his piercing gaze. “I never felt like being a Dominant was a burden.” You started. “Prometheus is a wonderful Eikon, and I’m sure he was destined to end up with you. However…” You hesitated, and that’s when the tears started to roll. “After I give him to you, I… I’ll just go back to being me.” Your insecurity came flooding out, and you couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I’m afraid you'll look at me differently. You’ll not need me anymore.” You let his hand go, wiping your tears with the back of your hand.

“Y/N….” Clive tried. “I’ll always need you.” He continued, a warm smile on his lips. His face was flushed, but he didn’t look away. “I was already in love with you before you were a Dominant. I didn’t dare say anything because I thought I didn’t deserve you. That I wouldn’t do right by you. Hearing these fears from you made me realize I was just hurting you. Y/N. I would never abandon you, nor would I look differently at you. You are everything to me.” The declaration stumped you. “I thought after all this, we’d have time to talk. But that would be too late.” Clive smiled wryly, this time taking your hand in his.

“...But what about Jill? I thought you-”

“Y/N. Jill is like a sister to me. It has always been you.” Clive interrupted.

You fell silent for a bit. “Is that even okay? I’m just-” A commoner. That’s what you wanted to say. Someone undeserving to love Clive Rosfield. You knew he didn’t care about that at all, but still you hesitated. If he just rejected you, that would make everything easier.

“May I show you?” Clive asked, wanting to show you how much he didn’t care about standing, how much he did care about you. You nodded slowly, not sure what he was going to do. He gently pulled you in by your arm. His lips were on yours, gentle and loving. One arm wrapped around you to keep you close, sharing his heat. Silver light started to surround the both of you. It expanded even more, lighting up everything around you.

Prometheus appeared before you in your mind, as you levitated in front of him. “You did good, Y/N. You are worthy of our powers. Mythos was always destined for it, but that does not mean we’ll leave you fully. Whichever side of us will you part with?”

“The light.” You breathed. Clive was in no need of darkness. He would receive the light that could heal and guide him in the darkest of shadows.

Clive had moved back, the silver light surrounding the both of you surprising him. “I didn’t mean to..” He said, worried about what he’d done. You looked back at Clive, your eyes in the colors of your Eikon. One of them is blue, the shining light, the other one red, eternal darkness. The blue slowly changed into purple, before becoming crimson.

You smiled at him, reassuring him that nothing was wrong. “It’s okay Clive. You showed me your conviction, it is only fair that I show it in return.” Your eyes returned to normal, the silvery light dissipating. Clive felt no pain whatsoever, as he felt the source of your powers becoming his.    “This power, … it'll support you at every step. So that you can take that Ultima on, alone.” You said, feeling at peace. You were happy you could be part of this journey, even though you would not see it to the end. You had to trust Clive to finish it for both your sakes.

“But I'm not alone. These burdens I carry, my sins, my pains, my sorrow, I see now that they're all part of me.” Clive replied, his resolve strengthening.  With a flash, you felt energy leaving you, and exhaustion briefly took you. Clive took a hold of you, supporting you until you caught your breath.  “If I am to continue on, having pledged my life to the ones I love…then I will gladly take on your burdens, too. Until my last breath.”

“Clive…” He gently takes your hand once more, this time placing a delicate kiss on your knuckles.

“Y/N… I promise you. We'll find a way to escape this fate… Find a way to save each other.” Another kiss, this time on just below your wrist. Your stomach flips, and you realize that this man truly wants you. “That we one day may look upon the stars again.. Together.” He states, looking at you with his piercing blue eyes.

“...Until then, I'll be with you every step of the way. Whatever happens.” You reply, vowing to do everything in your power to make his dreams happen.

“I know.” His gaze is on you, and only you. It makes you smile, impossible to stop. “I never thought a smile could bring me so much joy.” Clive says, unable to hold back any longer. He kisses you again on your lips, this time with more fervor. You accept him fully, opening your mouth to let him in. His tongue explores you almost feverishly. He is full of need, and you feel your cheeks heat up and your core tremble. On an abandoned beach in Ash of all places.

“I want you inside of me.” You whisper in between kisses.

The heat on his cheeks is the same as yours, as he moves back a little. “I am yours.” He replies as he grabs his throbbing length to prepare himself for you. You move to sit on him, already dripping with need. You slowly lower yourself, as Clive stretches your walls. “Ah..” Clive groans, the heat you provide slowly getting the best of him. Your hands rest on his chest until you fully envelop him, a sigh escaping your lips. Clive sits up allowing him to slightly change angle. “Are you okay?” He asks, a little worried.

You nod, grabbing his face, running your hands through his hair before kissing him. “I’ve always wanted to do that.” You smile a little mischievously.

“Don’t stop.” Clive pants in between kisses as his hands explore your body. Your hips start moving, a slow and gentle rhythm that Clive matches.

“You feel good.” You murmur, your head moving back. Clive moves his hands to your hips, kneading the muscles and thrusting harder. You were surprisingly vocal and honest, Clive noticed, and he loved every second of it. You were giving him the full 100 percent of yourself, discarding everything else. You trusted Clive, with every fiber of your being. His thumb moved to your sensitive spot, and your body responded immediately to his touch. “Ah.. yes… Don’t stop.” Your hands gripped his shoulders, when his mouth latched onto a bouncing breast.

Clive groaned your name, your body overtaking his thoughts. He was so close. “Y/N, you feel so good…” He hissed between heavy breaths. You could only moan in return, drowning out all other sounds. Your body tensed, your orgasm hitting you sudden and hard, a wave of pleasure freezing you on the spot. Clive felt your walls clench, as he came undone below you with a heavy groan. “Oh gods, I’m-” He exclaimed, his hands clenching your hips.

You both rode out your high, sweat dripping from your naked bodies. “I love you.” You whisper, before you fall next to him in the sand. “I really do.”

“I should've told you I feel the same sooner.” Clive replied, intertwining his fingers with yours. “I love you too.”

—

The next day you and Clive stood on the beach, waiting for the Enterprise to show up. The wind was picking up, and you were happy to have your clothes back on. Clive wrapped an arm lovingly around you. “We should've done this sooner.” You joked.

“Washing up on Ash? I'm afraid I must disagree.” Clive chuckled. In retaliation, you squeezed his buttocks. “H-hey!” Clive yelped, his cheeks turning crimson.

“I always wanted to do that.” You snickered.

“Anything else on that list I should be aware of?” Clive asked, raising his eyebrow.

“Uhm. Half of Gav's list. The part that you crossed out.” You smirked, as you saw his face change to shock. He adjusted his leather breeches, while trying to see if you were joking or not.

“I was unaware that you are just as depraved as Gav.” Clive replied, his own thoughts going to the wrong places.

“S-sorry. I just mean I wouldn't mind doing those things with you.”

Clive pulled you into a hug. “Please stop talking before my trousers won't fit anymore.” He whispered. You could feel his bulging erection pressed against you. You took his face in your hands, feeling like it would be long until you could do so again.

“I can't believe you liked me before I became a Dominant.” You started.

“Love you.” Clive corrected, his gaze meeting yours. He felt free, finally uttering the words from his lips for you to hear.

“How? You never showed anything.” You questioned.

“Ask Jill when we're back. She got irritated with me quickly enough, talking about you.” Your thumbs rubbed over his scruff, the friction feeling nice on your digits. His hands were now on your buttocks, pulling you flush against him. “I'll make sure you know that I love you every day.” He said, his smile widening.

“Alright.” His smile was infectious. You pressed a quick kiss on his lips before turning your gaze back to the ocean. The Enterprise came into view, and Clive enthusiastically waved. You pulled in aether and wrapped your arm around Clive's waist. You teleported the two of you onto the ship, happy that you were rescued. 

“Y/N! Clive!” Jill exclaimed, her eyes glazed over. Clive blinked, realizing you had done your magic. Jill hugged you both after running towards you, which you returned. “We weren't sure if you made it..” She exclaimed.

“It was close.” You admitted.

“Brother!” Joshua joined, relief washing over him. 

Chapter Text

Clive was true to his word, but not exactly in the way you had thought. “Pick up your sword.” He said casually after he had disarmed you for what seemed to be the hundredth time. You were not talented when it came to longer blades. The distance and weight was different compared to your daggers. You picked up the sword, wiggling your foot underneath the wood and using your leg to lift the weapon up in your hand. You were too tired to squat and pick it up normally. Or lazy. At this moment you couldn't bother yourself with the difference. While a plan to tackle the final mother Crystal was devised, both Clive and Jill took their time in giving you sword lessons. It resulted in you being covered in bruises, and landing on your ass more often than you'd like to admit. You hadn't expected to be good at this at all. Then again, you hoped it was better than this.

You raised the wooden sword again, and Clive motioned for you to attack. He was serious, his brow furrowed. A single drop of sweat dripped down his temple, distracting you briefly. You attacked, stepping forward for a horizontal slash. Clive stepped back, lunging forward to hold his sword against your throat. “Too aggressive.” Clive commented. You sighed. “Again.” He was tough on you, and you had surrendered to his teachings. It was well intended, and this weapon could give you advantages in certain fights. And to be fair, you liked spending time with both Clive and Jill. You observed Clive. What was he thinking right now? Both of you were in a basic shirt and leather pants. You had propped your sleeves up for better movement, but when Clive caught you off balance and used the sword to shift your leg from underneath you and you fell again, you didn't get up.

A groan escaped your lips. Clive had quickly approached, holding out his hand for you to take. “Are you okay?” He asked, his furrow turned into worry. He didn't seem to regret not going easy on you though. You curtly nodded, taking his hand. If you could, you would've pulled him down with you. Alas, it seemed that Jill and Clive would continue to down you and help you get back up for months to come. If you had that much time with them anyway. There were already plans being made on how the infiltration to Stonehyrr would go. And they didn't include you. You had resigned yourself to it, but it still affected your mood. “Let's stop for today and wash up.” It seems like Clive had read your mind.

“Wash up?” You were sweaty, but it felt unnecessary to waste water on you at the moment.

“I have some time.” Clive replied, his usual smile back on his face. You followed him with a shrug. 

The steaming tub looked extremely welcoming, and you had to admit that it had been a great idea. The layer of foam is a welcoming pit for you to sink in, washing away your troubles. You left your clothes pooled on the floor, eager to get in. “Hang on, not so fast.” Clive called out. You stared at him in disbelief. He was still in his pants, but approached you with a small container in his hand. You were more interested in his bare chest. The firm muscles painting a canvas you'd prefer to touch instead of look at. He gave you a once over, which you thought was interesting, but when you realized he was checking out your bruises, you sighed. “I got something for those.” He said, already lathering his fingers with the container's contents. He didn't wait for your consent as the cold oily substance covered your bruises one by one. You yelped, before a shiver ran through you. “Bear with me.” Clive chuckled, the smile obvious. His fingers were gentle, as it mesmerized you how careful he was with you. A stark contrast to his sword lessons. Perhaps this was your reward. Clive got down on one knee to get the bruises on your outer thighs and knees. “Leave that to work for a few minutes, then you can join me.” He said with an approving smile. He casually took off the remainder of his clothing and got in the tub. Even the ass on this man was firm.

“You want me to stand here butt naked, while you're already warming up in there?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Just a few minutes, I swear.” He replied, leaning back to enjoy his view.

“Fine.” You grabbed a nearby wooden stool, and a small tub. “Let me wash your hair then.” Two flies with one stone, you could freely touch his hair and were out of his mischievous gaze.

“Thanks, I appreciate it.” Clive replied grateful, a lazy smile on his face as his arms rested on the wooden edges of the tub. You hummed satisfied when you sat behind Clive and lathered his hair with oils, just like Jill had told you. Your fingers ran through his raven hair, massaging his scalp. Slow and rough circles. “You're going to get me addicted to this.” Clive murmured, biting back a groan.

“I'd love that.” You chuckled. You gently rinsed his hair, and noticed the oil Clive had applied to you had dried up. So you finally joined him, allowing yourself to sit between him and leaning back against his chest. “This is nice.” You whispered, the warm water rinsing your troubled mind.

“...Where do I put my hands?” Clive replied, feeling uneasy. He didn't want to put them somewhere weird.

You snickered. “Wherever you want Clive. There's not a lot of space here.” He settled for the edges of the tub anyway. “This doesn't count as hot springs, but I'll tick it off anyway.” You mused, quite enjoying your spot.

“Still have that?” Clive replied amused.

“You probably think I'm weird.” You said, slightly embarrassed. “It's just that I have never experienced this before and… would like to bring something to the table too, you know?”

Clive replied by kissing the nape of your neck. “You are already bringing plenty.” He muses, caressing your skin, his hands finally on you. Together you sat like that until your skin got wrinkly.

The next day everyone is gathered in the ale hall. The plans had been made, and it was time to put it to action. You were curious, but settled in the back anyway. You already informed Gav and Vivian of everything you had encountered there and what to look out for. “We are going to dock at the southwest coast of Ash, and travel to Stonehyrr by foot. Me, Joshua, and Gav will go, while Mid, Jill and Y/N keep the Enterprise safe for us to return.” Clive explains, briefly looking at each person present. To be honest, you regretted giving your powers to Clive. It felt horrible to be feeling this way. But otherwise you were sure you would've taken Gav's spot. Then again, your history with Barnabas made you a liability. Gav was the superior scout. You sighed. It was exhausting to think this way. You were still asked along. Why was that not good enough for you? 

Because I feel like I only belong if I can be helpful.

“Are you okay? You seem out of it.” Gav commented, appearing in your vision. Apparently, they were already done talking.

“I'm not.” You admitted, shaking your head. You noticed Clive talking to Otto in the back. “I hate being a sitting duck while you guys go out there.” You kept your mouth shut on further details.

“Hah. I can swap spots if you want. It's not like I'm roaring to go to that God forsaken place.” Gav complained with a friendly smile on his face.

“Me neither…” But still you wanted to. Because at the end of the day, if you didn't participate you were restless. They put their lives on the line while you twiddle your thumbs. “I can't forgive myself is something happens to one of you while I'm doing fuck all on that boat.” You added.

Gav patted you on your shoulder in response. “You should trust us eh! Those two are as strong as they come! And I'll guide them.” He claimed. 

Hah. Trust? 

You sighed. Then again, you had given Clive your powers. He would definitely get the job done. “Alright. I suppose you're right.” You got up, softly squeezing Gav's shoulder in confirmation. Perhaps you could ask Jill for some more sword practice on the boat. For that you needed an actual sword. So you made your way over to Blackthorne's forge. 

“You two looked serious, did I miss anything?” Clive asked Gav.

“Nah. I think it's going to be alright.” Gav shook his head. “We just have to make it happen, don't we?” He continued, softly stomping Clive's shoulder.

“... Yeah.” 

—

The Enterprise had set out to Ash. The weather was calm, no clouds to spot in the sky. Still, the storm brewing on the ship was like a suffocating blanket. You noticed Joshua, tapping his foot restlessly on the wooden deck. You approached him, the agitation almost palpable. “Hey. How are you doing? I never got back to you after fetching Clive.” You said a little sheepishly.

“Do not worry, I'm sure you had enough going on.” He replied, getting his usual smile back on. It didn't reach his eyes, and while it was none of your business, you tried anyway.

“And you? I heard you fought with Barnabas on this ship. Are you okay?”

“Better. He made me feel helpless during the battle. He was toying with me, and I must admit that it doesn't sit well with me.” He started at the sea, resting his arms on the edge of the ship.

“...Yeah. He does that to you.” You followed his gaze, thinking about your last encounter with the man. “But he isn't invincible. I'm sure the three of you can beat him.”

“That's the thing.” Joshua sighed. “Clive will want to do it by himself. You gave him your Eikon, did you not?” He asked you, already knowing the answer.

“To protect him. He was meant to have it, I think.”

“And what about you? Were you not meant to have it?” Joshua challenged you.

A wry smile appeared on your face. “I suppose. I don't know.” The conversation fell flat as you both sunk in your thoughts. Still, the silence was welcoming, and you didn't get the feeling that Joshua was disappointed with you. The continuation of the trip was quiet. Everyone was tense, and Clive was all business. You didn't expect any special treatment, but hoped for a quick hug anyway. Alas, you only waved as he, Gav, and Joshua disembarked. 

The moment the ship was far on sea again, Joshua walked up to Clive. Gav had gone ahead to find a path. “You took Jill's Eikon, didn't you?” Joshua asked rhetorically. “I did.” Clive replied, avoiding his brother's gaze. “She understood.” Joshua raised his fist, decking Clive on the jaw. Quick and hard.

“....How dare you take her powers?!” He shouted. “And from Y/N too! They both understood that you are going to save the world on your own and you needed their Eikon! You'd die without it! They wouldn't refuse you Clive!” Joshua roared. He was pissed, his fists still clenched. Clive was silent, his head spinning. 

—

Since you were hanging out on the boat anyway, you asked Jill for some tips on your moves. Better to train than wait. Maybe you could down Clive for once when he was back and exhausted from his mission. “You're standing too close to me. And you should bend your arm more.” Jill commented, adjusting your stance. You nodded in acknowledgement. You bought a second hand sword from Blackthorne to use until you felt more comfortable before spending money on a fancier one. “You're tense.” Jill chuckled, putting her hands on your shoulders. You relaxed, and your shoulders slumped.

“Yeah. It's the same as last time. But this time I'm at sea and I can't do shit.”

“I wouldn't be so sure of that.” Jill calmly smiled, looking over at Mid at the helm of the ship. You continued practicing for a bit until you got tired. Some sleep would pass the time, and distract you from the three that were doing the hard work right now. 

Your sandcastle was smaller this time, and you could barely stand in it. It dawned on you that it was just sand, and broke through like Prometheus through your father's house. 

...

You woke up hearing shouting on the deck above. “All hands on deck! We're joining the party!” That was Mid.

“What the fuck.” You muttered, getting up from the corner you had been sleeping in and running up the stairs. No one had bothered to tell you that the Enterprise was about to crash into a castle wall.

“Prometheus. Right on time.” Dion looked at you, his spear in his hand. A serious expression on his face revealed nothing, and you looked around to spot Jill.

“Prince Dion. How did you get here and what the fuck is going on?”

“I'm upholding my promise to the Phoenix. Your scout returned with information. They could use our help.” He replied matter of factly.

“Gav? Alright I'll find him.” You curtly replied, and ran off. You saw him talking to Jill behind Mid at the helm. His face was serious, and you could only see Jill's back. “No one woke me up.” You interfered in their conversation.

“Oh I was about to!” Jill replied a little panicky. Apparently Gav had distracted her.

“You're back, everything okay?” You raised your eyebrow at him.

“I'll give you the summary eh? I arrived here just a few minutes ago. Clive defeated the King, he and Joshua continued on to the mother Crystal. There is a fuckload of monsters there, so we gotta help. We also found a pregnant woman named Edda, that's why I returned earlier.” It was quite the summary. Jill nodded along.

“...Damn.” Barnabas was dead. Clive did it. You exhaled. Valid reason why Jill was distracted. “Alright. I guess we can go into detail later.” You replied, taking out your daggers. The castle wall was approaching, and for now this was enough information. You should be excited about joining the fight. You were worried about Clive and Joshua. You just had to push all these feelings back and focus on the upcoming fight. Otherwise you'd get hurt.

“Brace yourselves!” Mid exclaimed.

The Enterprise burst through the thick walls, like a dam that broke. The moment you saw castle grounds you teleported, summoning your armor for the first time again. Instead of white, both your arms were midnight black. Silver energy ran through your daggers, as your scythe didn't show up. You'll have to make do. Dion landed next to you, exchanging a quick glance before jumping into a group of akashic enemies. You spotted Clive and Joshua in the distance, deciding to go the other way. They would handle themselves. 

Clive stared in shock at the Enterprise bursting through what had been a wall mere seconds ago. A familiar puff of black smoke in the distance. He half expected you to join him, but you only got further away from him with each teleport. Your attacks were swift as ever, going for the kill each time before teleporting to the next. He would never call you a monster, but it frightened him in a way how you had mastered your moves. Silver sparks enveloped his body, and it dawned on him that Promotheus was healing his wounds. That never happened before. No time to dwell on it. His mind was on automatic, clearing the waves and waves of enemies that kept approaching. Clive saw Jill and Gav enter the fray. Dion on the other side, closer to you. Joshua blasted enemies away right next to him, and Torgal was at his side. Clive couldn't help but smile. His family was close to him, supporting him at every step.

When the waves of akashic stopped and they were granted a moment of respite, Clive finally allowed himself a breather. He put away his sword, and his heartbeat caught in his chest when you appeared below his arm in a puff of black wisps of smoke. “Founder!” He exclaimed, eyes wide. You grinned in response. Clive lowered his arm, wrapping it around you. “You could've just asked for a hug.” Clive muttered, calming down. A smile on his face as he stared at you. No visible wounds to be seen.

“Where's the fun in that.” You shrugged, leaning against him. “Gav told us you beat Barnabas. Are you okay?” You were warm, and you missed the fond smile Clive gave you. The energy you had saved by beating the akashic had been slowly fading, and you realized it was transferring to Clive. Silver sparks healed his cuts and bruises.

“I'm okay.” Clive pulled you closer, placing a kiss on your crown. A blush dusted your cheeks as you escaped his hold.

“That's enough, before I'm dragging you back to the Hideaway.” You replied with an embarrassed chuckle.

“Hold out a little longer princess.” Clive replied, a wide smile on his face before he grabbed your hand to place a quick kiss on your knuckles.

“Brother, it seems like I missed something.” Joshua appeared before Clive, his hands on his hips. “A very important, adorable something. When did this happen?” He asked, his face softening. For everyone at the Hideaway, it was quite obvious that your night together on the shores of Ash had changed your relationship. For Joshua however, this display of affection from his brother was new.

“Ah. Joshua. Yeah.” Clive replied, more awkward than you expected.

“He shared his feelings with me after we escaped from Barnabas.” You explained, smiling at Clive before grinning at Joshua.

“After you.” Clive added, a small smile on his lips.

“I didn't think myself suited, but I have to admit that I'm…” You felt embarrassed to continue. “Happy to be with Clive.” You smiled widely as you scratched the back of your head. Clive blushed profusely, but you couldn't see.

Joshua beamed a smile back at you. “I'm happy to hear that. I was wondering if my brother would ever find happiness, seeing the way he is.”

Clive crossed his arms in response, an eyebrow raised. “Hey.”

“Take care of him, alright? Make sure he doesn't go off alone.” Joshua smiled wryly, remembering the punch he had landed on Clive's chin mere hours ago.

“Joshua…” Clive started.

“For sure.” You said, nodding with a chuckle. You moved your hand to Clive's lower back, a small squeeze to let him know you were serious. “In any case, let me share my potions with you. You're going to continue to the mother Crystal right?” You handed both of them half a share of potions before regrouping with Jill and Dion.

“No goodbye kiss?” Joshua asked with a smirk.

“...Shut up Joshua, you’re enjoying this too much.” Clive was shaking his head with a grin, before getting serious again. As if on cue, more enemies appeared from afar. The monstrous roars brought you back to reality. No time for idle chatting. Everyone ran over to the gates leading to the crystal.

“We'll hold them off!” Jill exclaimed, pushing against the gate doors. You stood next to her on the other side, pushing as well. 

You pushed with all your might, opening the gates just enough for Clive and Joshua to pass through. Torgal wriggled through the door as well, following them closely. It made you feel better knowing that Torgal would be with them. Leaving your thoughts at that, you turned around to face the approaching akashic monsters. “I'm not going to die here.” You stated.

“Me neither.” Jill stood next to you.

“In this wasteland? Fuck no.” Gav stepped in line next to Jill. Dion wordlessly appeared next to you with his spear raised. 

—

It felt like ages. Endless fighting without knowing when you could put down your weapon. Your ears were ringing from the monstrous screams around you. Your heart was beating loudly in your chest, feeling like it could burst any moment you exerted yourself even more. Unable to heal yourself, the wounds on your body were slowly stacking up. 

Nothing I can't handle.

You amped yourself up, straightening your back. “Prometheus. No time for slacking off.” Dion landed next to you, a small reassuring smile on his face.

“I know. Just need to catch my breath.” You sidestepped a spear attack from an Orc before slicing the side of his neck with one arm, finishing him off with the other. Dion was a great commander, keeping tabs of all fighters at all times. He knew exactly when he should support and which enemies should be tackled with multiple people. You were in awe of his skills. And Jill, creating ramps of ice for both you and Dion to glide over, crossing distances in mere seconds towards enemies while the speed boost allowed for quick finishers. Fighting was second nature for everyone present, and you were happy to be among them. You were not alone. Your lips curled up on a grin. You ran on ice until you had enough speed to start sliding towards Gav. Jill had guided you to him, to help him finish off a particular nasty akashic mercenary. Jumping on the right moment, you stabbed both your daggers into the enemies shoulder blades from behind, before pulling out and using the akashic as a jumping board to create space. Gav only needed to finish it off, and had no trouble doing so. For a moment later to repay the favor and pierce an enemy behind you.

“I got you.” He said with a smirk. You could only nod, refraining from rolling your eyes. 

Suddenly, the earth shook intensely, cracks appearing in the castle grounds. In the distance, you could see Drake's Spine crumble. With widened eyes you watched the spectacle from afar. “They did it.” Gav whispered, shock painted on his face. It turned into a smirk mere moments later as the crystal shattered and turned to glitter dust.

“They fucking did it.” That was your cue to drop to your knees, letting the exhaustion take a hold of you.

Small quakes continued, and you realized something was wrong. “The fucks that?!” Gav exclaimed, pointing to a swirl of magick in the far distance towards the Crystalline Dominion. You could only stare in horror as what seemed to be a new crystal manifesting into the air.

“What the fuck?” The air changed, the cool blue changing into an eerie pink.

Chapter Text

The way back to the Hideaway was filled with quiet tension. Like a seeping mist that would not go away. Joshua and Clive were severely hurt, and were passed out down the decks. Jill was tending to them, and you felt you would be in the way. Your legs were lead, and your lungs were burning from exertion. The whole group had been fighting for hours, and still Jill had the energy to patch up everyone she could find. The whole reason why you secluded yourself. You didn't want to lean even more on Jill. 

“You're not a burden to us.”

Clive's voice rang in your mind. You groaned. You decided to sit on the upper decks, on the helm of the ship next to Mid. She greeted you with a smile, and you gave a tired one in return. She would watch over you. You nodded off quickly.

...

Tarja was overworked in the few days after the party arrived back at the Hideaway. Every single one of you was forced to stay at least 24 hours in the infirmary. It had become quite rowdy there during the time, and your cheeks were actually hurting from smiling so much. “Tarja, I don't need stitches…” Gav whined while the healer inspected the back of his left shoulder. He was on your left, and you couldn't help but snicker.

“You do. Stop complaining.” Tarja snapped, getting to work. You got off easy, just like Jill. Just a few bandages and tonics to ease the muscle aches. Clive and Joshua were behind curtains, still asleep. Dion had already excused himself, not willing to stay longer in the busy infirmary.

“No worries Gav, scars on your back make you sexy.” You snickered as the blonde man withheld groans of pain, cursing just like you had.

“Oh shut up. How would you even know that? You can't see your own back.” He yelped as Tarja stuck the needle in his flesh once again.

“Ask Clive.” You remember how he whispered sweet nothings in your ear. How his calloused fingers traced the lines on your back, muttering how beautiful you were in the bathtub. You didn't care about your scars. It's not like you could remove them. You cared about his scars though. On his arms, chest, legs, back, he even had one on his asscheek.

“Wipe that smirk off your face Y/N.” Gav growled, jealous of whatever you were thinking off right now. “I'm happy that you finally told him how you feel, but you don't need to shove it down my throat eh.” He smiled wryly, and you chuckled.

“Fine. Shut up about Edda then.” With a fake hurt expression he gasped when Tarja finished up the stitching.

“I don't know what you're talkin’ about.” The pregnant woman they rescued from Ash was all that Gav could talk about since you got back. He just wouldn't stop. And no one wanted to switch beds with you.

“I'm happy for the both of you.” Jill said from the other side. You turned around to face Jill, your scarred back facing Gav before you pulled the blanket up higher to avoid getting cold.

“I still feel like you could've been a couple with Clive.” You started, sharing your thoughts with her.

“You told me before.” Jill replied, a small chuckle leaving her lips. “The thought is entertaining, but Clive feels more like a brother to me.” She smiled, sitting up in her bed. Her hands were bandaged, and she had small stitches on her shoulder.

“What kind of man is your type?” You asked curiously. The blush that crept up her face made you smirk.

“Y/N. Stop talking. This is the infirmary.” Tarja stood behind you, her hands on her hips. Her voice was stern, and Jill grinned in response. You would get the information out of her later.

“Y/N?” Clive's voice rang out from behind the curtains. You were already standing up from the bed, quickly putting on a shirt before dragging your heavy body towards him.

“Yeah I'm here. Are you okay?” You said, dropping yourself on the far edge of his bed. Clive was awake, and his gaze followed you. He propped his arms under him, sitting up. His blue eyes looked hazy as he nodded. You hadn't talked much on the way back, too exhausted to make conversation. There were no bandages on his body. No visible cuts or bruises compared to you.

“I'm not sure how those powers of yours work, but you are free to leave when you are rested.” Tarja said. She had followed you to Clive's bed. “You are staying another night.” She tapped your shoulder before giving you privacy.

A little silence fell. “How are you?” He asked you, his gaze never leaving you.

“I'm okay. We managed pretty well I'd say.” You replied calmly, thinking back on some magnificent teamwork.

“You're smiling even.” Clive commented, giving you one of his own. “A real one.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “What are you on about?”

“I'm falling for you more and more every day.” Clive replied, his smile widening as he sat up straight. He gently grabbed your wrist, pulling you against him. He kissed your crown, a gesture you got from him often, and made your stomach flutter. Something so small from him could do that to you. And for once, you didn't see it as a weakness. His finger traced the lines on your back as he wrapped his arms around you. “Thank the Founder you're okay.” He whispered as he rested his head on top of yours.

“Same to you." You replied, rubbing your cheek against his chest.

“And for the record,” Clive lowered his voice. “I do find your scars attractive. Everything about you is.” You were glad he couldn't see your face. He let go of you, getting out of his bed.

“Shouldn't you rest?” You asked, raising your eyebrow again.

“I just did?” He replied, honestly looking confused.

“Uhm? I don't think that's what Tarja meant.” You felt like calling her. Being the snitch.

“The only one staying here is you, princess.” Clive grinned, lowering himself to lift you off the now vacant bed. In his leather pants and white shirt, he carried you barefeet back to the other vacant bed between Gav and Jill.

“H-hey! What do you think you're doing?” You struggled against his chest, but Clive's grip on you was firm.

“If Tarja says it's okay, you can find me tomorrow for sword practice.” Clive beamed another smile at you when he put you back on your bed. You groaned in frustration as Clive seemed to be enjoying himself.

“Sword practice better means something else.” You threatened with a grin. “I have enough bruises as is.”

Clive's eyes widened in shock at your openly dirty comment. “I think what you mean also gives both of us bruises…. Maybe the two of us could do a bit of reading?”

“Okay fine. You better prepare snacks.” You compromised, settling in on the bed.

“I'll take care of it.” Clive nodded. He got dressed, and waved you and the others goodbye after checking up on everyone. 

“What kind of snacks are we talking about eh.” Gav growled in jealousy.

“Do you want book recommendations?” Jill asked, and you were sure she already had several in mind.

“Maybe he'll bring Lemon tarts.” Your mouth already watered at the thought. “I'd like some recommendations yeah, I'm not reading anything at the moment.” You replied to Jill, focusing your attention on her.
You discussed different books and genres with her until both your eyes got heavy. Gav had already fallen asleep after the first book.

—

“Alright. You may leave, but take it easy okay?” Tarja said after her morning examination. Jill was also free to go, Gav needed another day before returning to the hustle and bustle of the Hideaway. You decided to spend some time helping in the garden. It had been a while, and your latest addition of the carrot Morbol roots should be bearing fruit. You were careful in extracting the plants, grinding a few down to fine powder. You followed instructions from a book on poisons together with your own knowledge to make a new mix that was sure to hurt. This poison was slow, and lethal if not treated the right way. You curiously observed the amber liquid in a small vial, swirling it around a couple of times. A quick acting poison was never your style. Your daggers could do that. This stuff was for the big battles. Where you couldn't go for a quick kill, or need information. With the leftovers and some other plants you made energizing potions. A more yellow liquid with a bitter aftertaste could make a person stay awake for at least three more hours. 

Satisfied with your work, you pocketed the vial and went to grab lunch. 

You found Otto at his regular spot, taking a quick break from handling deliveries and managing the Hideaway in general. “Mind if I sit here?” You asked, a plate with a couple of sandwiches in hand.

“Go ahead.” Otto wore a tired smile, and you could see dark circles under his eyes.

“Are you okay? You look tired.” You commented.

“I always look like this kid.” Otto replied, deflecting your question. “You look worse for wear though.” He commented, his gaze on a scratch on your chin. A spear that had just missed its target.

“Nothing permanent though.” Your eyes wandered off to the pink sky. “Just like that eerie vibe I hope.”

Otto followed your gaze. “Clive was working on a plan for that new mother Crystal that appeared out of bloody nowhere.” You absentmindedly took a bite of your sandwich. Another venture that wouldn't include you, as the massive thing floated high up in the sky. As far as you were aware, either Joshua or Dion was necessary. “You're either lost in your thoughts or you figured out how to eat in my presence.” Otto commented, raising an eyebrow. “It's not the latter, is it?”

Your chewing came to a halt, swallowing hard. “Unfortunately, I'm still working on that. At least I don't feel the need to vomit in your presence.” You sighed. “In any case, it doesn't sit well with me to leave everything to Clive. And as usual he will refuse to take me with him.” Instead, he only spent time with you in the Hideaway. Of course you know that there's a great responsibility on his shoulders. The busiest man in Valisthea. You should be happy with every minute he spares for you. You gritted your teeth. “I know I'm greedy. Maybe I want too much. It's just…” You let out a sigh.

Otto chuckled in response. “I understand. You never were someone to sit around twiddling your thumbs. Not since Cid gave you a piece of his mind.”

“You know about that?”

“Of course. I know everything that goes around here. I also know that Clive wants to protect you, kid.”

You shrugged. “That's nice and all, but I'm not a precious woman that needs to be protected at all times.” You were capable. You could help.

“No one is saying that.” Otto replied calmly. “I think most people here are aware of your skills and specialties. Seeing that we have more problems than that blasted crystal, I'm sure you won't have a quiet moment in the days ahead. So I suggest you take advantage of it for now.” His voice was gentle. He didn't dismiss your concerns, just provided another perspective. Based on his own experience you presumed. You took another bite of your food, overthinking the new insights.

“Alright fine. I will. If you allow me to give you this.” You took out one of your energizing potions. “Freshly made. Drink it for an energy boost, and only when necessary. Should also help with the bags under your eyes.” You eventually replied. He accepted your gift with a sigh.

“Thank you. I'm sure I'll be using this sooner than later. Come find me if you are bored, I'll always have something to do.” Otto replied as he stood up. It turns out his break was over. You finished your meal by yourself before heading over to Clive's chambers. 

He was already waiting for you, his armor discarded behind his bed and sword standing against the back of the room. He was lying on his bed, upper back against the headboard with a book in hand. He was immersed in the pages until you stepped inside. “Now this is a rare sight.” You commented, a grin on your face. There was a wooden bowl with some dried fruit and nuts on the bed, and another book on the empty space. Clive rested his hand on one bent knee, his book on his straight leg.

“Don't just stand there.” Clive replied smiling. “I got you one of my favorite books.” He already had your attention, but now your interest as well.

You sauntered over to the bed. “Can I?” You asked, feeling weird to just join him on his bed like that.

“If you take off your shoes.” Clive said, still smiling.

“Heh. Of course.” He wouldn't have to tell you twice. You took off your boots, as well as your jacket and climbed onto the bed. You took the book he had brought for you, and you inspected its contents.

“I hope you like it.” He said, turning towards you by laying on his side, his arm supporting his head.

“Do you want me to read? Because you're giving me other signals.” You chuckled while opening the first chapter.

His cheeks turned red as he sat back. “...I do want you to read.” He said, his voice almost a whisper. Just like Northreach, you immersed yourself in the book, easily flipping pages. Clive's chambers were quite comfortable, and you almost forgot he was there. Almost. You enjoyed the book. The political intrigue, the character relationships, and the hero. The Saint and the Secretary. Interesting title. You didn't notice Clive occasionally glancing at you. You didn't notice the sky slowly getting darker. At some point you chuckled, and Clive looked up from his own book.

“Were you into the hero?” You asked, looking at him interested.

“When I was younger I always let uncle Byron play the villain.” Clive replied somewhat evasive, a little blush on his cheeks.

“Fuck, I would've loved to see that.” Clive could only shake his head in response. After another while you were getting too comfortable. A few hours of quiet, relaxed reading, made you fall into a deep slumber with the book on your lap. Clive was about to ask you for dinner, but refrained when he saw you were out like a light. He wriggled the book from your fingers, and gently pulled the blanket up until your shoulders. He had spent more time with you than he allowed himself beforehand. It's not like he was going to send you away. More like he would have excused himself for a bit. The guilt weighing on his mind, he silently put on his armor. Maybe he could still do a few errands and return before dawn to catch some sleep with you. He placed the empty bowl on his desk before leaving his chambers.

—

It was a little after dawn when you opened your eyes. It took you a few moments to remember where you were, which was in fact not your room. You looked to the side, and were met with an empty space. You didn't expect him to be there, but had to admit that you hoped that he was. Your fingers skimmed over the cold bed where Clive was reading hours ago. An unexplainable sadness washed over you. You knew he was busy. Clive had to carry more responsibility than you could ever imagine. Still, your fists clenched the sheets. “I'm so stupid.” You whispered. He could've woken you up and asked you to come with him. He probably wanted you to rest properly. He didn't need you on his errands. You sighed. It felt wrong to be in this room without Clive. You debated whether to go back to your bed or just get up and pick something to do. You decided on the latter. Just like Clive, it was better to make yourself useful. You put on your boots and your jacket. You were itching for a fight anyway.

—

Clive rolled his shoulders. The docks were getting busier, and the elevator seemed slower than usual. The sun was still rising, and he figured he could still get some decent sleep in. Maybe he could cuddle a bit with you? Clive scratched his cheek, as if that would make the redness go away. 

It did however, when he entered his room and the bed was empty. Your space was still lukewarm. Clive let out a sigh. “I should've left a note...” His shoulders slumped, the corners of his mouth lowering. Slowly, he removed his armor before turning in, too exhausted for now. 

Even without the full power of Prometheus, an A rank monster from the hunting board was not a big challenge for you anymore. The few streaks of blood on your face and scratches didn't bother you. Shame you couldn't heal them anymore, but you were fine as is. With a satisfied smile you cashed in the reward before returning to the Hideaway. You handed Obulus his snacks, and sat down in the skiff to eat your dinner. Luckily you passed an inn that could supply you with some warm food.

The sun had gone under before you stepped foot on the docks, that moment of calmness and strength quickly fading. Otto greeted you with an approving nod. “Thanks for your hard work.” His usual gruff voice made you smile.

“Here's the reward for the Thanatos.” You replied, handing him a gil pouch. “Make sure Cid buys something nice from it.” You snickered. There was still most of it left after you paid for your food with it.

“Alright. Take care Y/N. You still got some blood on your face.” He gave you a handkerchief. “Keep it.” He added when you wanted to protest. You had heard that he had a wife and son before joining Cid. You never asked him about it. But this handkerchief definitely belonged to a woman. With a wry smile you thanked Otto before going to the Tub and Crown. You could use a drink. You sat on a high stool and ordered alcohol. Well earned after a good day.

“Same for me.” You looked up and saw Gav, wearing a tired expression. “Drinking alone is like shittin’ in public. No can do.” He said, sitting next to you.

“Lovely way to put it.” You replied, smirking.

“Where's Clive? I thought you'd be with him?” Gav asked, hanging on the wooden counter after sipping his drink.

“No idea. I was with him for a few hours yesterday.” Your reply was a bit too specific for Gav.

“Something happened?”

“Nope. I fell asleep.” You replied with a shrug.

“Eh, I don't mean that kind of stuff.”

“Huh? I just said I fell asleep.” You sighed, finishing your mead with a few big gulps before ordering another. “He was already working at the crack of dawn when I woke up.”

“So you decided to get something done as well, even though Tarja said you should take it easy.” Gav commented, sipping his own drink. He shook his head with a wry smile.

“Uhm. Yeah.” You shrugged, not sure what he was getting at.

“I won't tell Tarja.” Gav smirked.

“You won't tell me what?” Gav gulped, as Tarja appeared between the two of you. She ordered a drink, and sat next to Gav on the other side. “I'm not stupid.” She said, rolling her eyes. “You both went out today while I told you not to. It's always the same around here.”

“What gave it away?” Gav asked, eyebrows raised in surprise. He was sure he cleaned up.

“You did. Just now. Y/N was obvious.”

Gav sighed. “Okay, fair.”

Tarja turned towards you. “I thought Clive would be with you?”

“Uhm no? What is up with everyone asking me that. We're not joined at the hip.” You replied, brows furrowing as you threw your hands up in the air. You ordered another drink, forcing yourself to unclench your fists.

“It sure seemed like it at the infirmary.” Tarja replied with a grin.

“Hey, he suddenly picked me up!”

“Yeah, yeah, looked very annoyed with it.” Gav grinned.

“Shut up you two.” You fell silent, another big gulp of your drink. “How's Edda?” You changed the subject, diverting the attention from you.

“The pregnancy is coming along well.” Tarja replied satisfied. “Her regular check ups are looking good.”

“Hopefully I can make sure she's gettin’ enough rest and stays away from stress.” Gav added with a smile. It felt like he was glowing. 

Do I look like that when I talk about Clive? I can't imagine. Would he smile like that when he talks about me? Does he even?

You listened to them talk about their day with a tight smile. You enjoyed their company, even though your mind was going elsewhere. “You guys look like you're having fun. Can I join?” Your head turned to the side.

“Of course. Don't need to ask Clive.” Gav replied, ordering a drink for him.

Clive flashed a smile and sat down next to you on a high stool. You were looking for words to say, but nothing came. “I should've left a note this morning. Sorry.” Clive started, turning towards you. His voice was soft, as he whispered the apology.

“Sorry for falling asleep again.” You mumbled, an automatic apology already rolling off your lips while avoiding his gaze. You took a sip of your drink.

“That's not what you wanted to say to me, is it?” He asked, taking his drink from Gav with a quick ‘thanks’ and resting his gaze on his cup. You squeezed your thighs. 

Am I getting that easy to read?

In any case, you weren't going to say it. Not even if it was just Clive. There were more important matters than you being lonely. “I took the Thanatos hunt from the board today.” You puffed out your chest. “And cleared it.” You said with pride. Clive gave you a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Ignoring that you announced; “I'll pick another one tomorrow.”

Gav raised an eyebrow at you. You didn't need to prove yourself to anyone. Tarja wanted to reply, but Clive spoke up first. “Ah. I hoped you would join me tomorrow. I got word from L’ubor that he needs help.”

“Okay. You need me to pack anything specific?” You asked, finally looking at him. 

“Are they dense?” Gav whispered to Tarja.

“Courtship is not that easy, Gav.” Tarja whispered back, chuckling. 

“Is Jill coming too?” You asked, hiding your excitement with a quick snort.

Clive shook his head. “She's still on an assignment in Sanbreque together with Prince Dion.”

“Would that be Jill's type?” You wondered. Clive raised an eyebrow at you, unsure how to reply. You scratched your chin, annoyed at the cut. “And you Tarja? Any particular qualities you look for in a person?” For the first time you saw Tarja get uncomfortable. She wouldn't even blink when removing a brand from someone.

“T-that's not something you casually ask in the presence of a company.” She stuttered, crossing her arms.

“Oh come on Tarja. Don't be shy eh?” Gav replied, curious for her answer. “From Y/N we already know. She likes tall, dark haired, broody men. As for me-”

“We already read your letter.” Clive interrupted him, almost snorting.

“Clive is not broody.” You interrupted him in turn. “And I don't care about length. Although it helps.”

“That just leaves dark hair.” Tarja replied, not satisfied with your answer.

“So, no one is interested in my type?” Gav tried.

You could feel Clive's gaze on you in between sips. “...It does.” You replied slowly, feeling embarrassed to have to continue this conversation with Clive present. The black haired man shook his head to Gav, indicating that he in fact, was not interested in his type.

“We're waiting.” Tarja pressed. “I'll say mine when you go first. And be honest.”

That threat meant nothing to you. Still, with Clive sitting next to you sporting an amused and slightly smug face, you weren't going to lie. You had enough liquid courage, so you might as well give them the juicy details. “Alright. My ideal type has dark hair. Preferably same age or older.” You sat back and eyed Clive. “Muscular is a must. Great pecs are a bonus.” You grinned and pointed at Clive's chest. You noticed the blush creeping up on his cheeks. “Just like a good ass. You aren't born with that.” Like ticking off a list you always had present, you continued. “I like it when a man has scars. Battle damage is sexy. Just as well manicured hands and feet. Don't want greasy hands all over me.” You looked at each one of them, Clive silenced. Gav nodded along, Tarja grinning. “And personality wise, I'd prefer someone caring that I can trust. That’s… extremely important.” You fell silent, taking another gulp of your drink. “Also, time to relax and joke around, and ready for adventure. I can’t sit still for long. Now you Tarja.” You turned away from Clive on purpose.

“Okay. I don't mind gender. I'd love someone that can keep up with me. That knows when to let me work and when to protect me from myself. They need to be older than me, preferably lighter hair, clean shaven. Everywhere.” Gav just continued nodding. Clive is still silent, no idea how to respond.

“Oh good one. I have no preference on the hair part.” You replied with a knowing nod.

“I feel like I should go to bed now before I'm next.” Gav said, suddenly not wanting to share that level of detail and standing up.

“I'm tired as well.” Tarja quickly added. Within mere seconds they pissed off, and you realized they had done so on purpose. A silence fell, as Clive silently sipped his drink. 

What do I do now?

You finished your drink. “Heh. Now what.” You muttered, just loud enough for Clive to hear.

He adjusted himself in his seat. “Forgive me, Y/N.” You raised an eyebrow at him. “I'm rather conflicted at the moment.” Now you crossed your arms. The puppy eyes he gave you however, softened your face. “I've been neglecting you. With Ultima and Origin, my mind is occupied and I've not been the man you deserve. I wanted to ask you if you wanted to stay over, but I cannot promise there's not something that needs my attention before the night is over.” He sounded ashamed.

“In that case, should we not go together? I don't care about being woken. I understand you have a lot on your plate. Too much even. I only wish that you share the load.” You let your arms drop beside you. “I… I hated it when you left me alone like that. I felt-” Your gaze met his. “I feel like I'm too much.”

Clive felt a cold shiver go down his spine. He desperately wanted to hug you. Tell you that you were wrong. But your eyes, your face stopped him. The soft glaze over your eyes, lips slightly parted. Even your furrowed brows made his cheeks burn. He held himself back not to grab your slumped shoulders, or your fidgeting fingers. “You're not too much. I'm just a coward.” How dare he tell his feelings for you in Ash. He couldn't even spend half a day with you.

“A coward?” You looked at him in confusion. Clive was many things, but a coward was not one of them. “You're everything but a coward, Clive.” Were you getting through to him? He felt distant. Even though he was sitting right next to you. Would he be able to lean on you? “Try me, Clive. I'm here for you.”

He stared at you, his face burning. The determination on your face had him fired up. You were so brazen with him. He reached out to kiss your knuckles, but instead you pulled him in. Forced to meet your gaze. “You would still have me?” He asked, your face dangerously close.

“Any day of the week.” You replied before pressing a kiss on his lips. You were still in the Tub and Crown, and public affection was something you both tried to refrain from. Or so you thought that was the case for Clive. Before you could move back, he lifted you up by your hips and swung you over his shoulder.

“You've convinced me.” He whispered towards your butt.

“That was quick.” You joked, talking to his lower back.

“I know better than to go against you, my love.” You chuckled in response, while Clive carried you to his room. He dropped you on his bed, removing his sword and cape. He continued removing the armor on his arms. He was giving you a show, and you were there for it. His muscles flexed when he took off his linen shirt. You stared at the topless outlaw taking in his form and committing it to memory. “I was not aware that you liked… how did you call it? ‘Battle damage’?” Clive looked at you in the dimly lit room, a smile playing on his lips.

For better or worse, you would blame your answer on the alcohol. “I like rough. Battle damage is sexy. I don't believe a man without scars has life experience.” In the meantime, Clive had discarded the armor on his legs, his leather pants the only thing left on his body. He climbed on the bed, crawling on top of you while planting kisses wherever he could. About halfway, he decided to straddle you, looking at you from above. There was a delicious smirk on his face. Your hands were besides your face, and you had no idea what was going to happen. Well, you had an idea. Clive lowered himself slowly kissing you on your jaw, neck, and collarbone. Everywhere but your mouth.

You let out a sigh, letting him do whatever he wanted. His hips slowly grinded against yours, and his breath was getting heavier. “Allow me to take care of you.” He whispered, moving further down and getting off of you. You quickly removed your jacket before Clive got a hold of your pants. Within seconds, the leather was pulled from your skin. And your smalls soon followed. He pressed your knees apart, his gaze on his prize. “Let me know if I'm too rough.” He warned, licking his lips.

“Heh. Sure.” As if he could be too rough with you. Your breath hitched when you felt his tongue explore your folds. His warm breath tickled you, as your fists clenched the sheets. He sucked your sensitive nub, making you whimper his name.

“That's it sweetheart. Let me hear you.” He cooed, gripping your thighs, his fingers sinking in your soft skin. The stubble on his face scratched your skin as his tongue entered you. He explored you thoroughly, holding your hips down when you tried to buckle them.

“Ah…Fuck. Clive…so good…” You murmured, still trying to keep quiet. Your body spasmed when he bit your clit. Your back arched, but Clive still held you down. You were going nowhere. You looked down when you saw him lick his fingers. How he sensually coated them in saliva. How could he make that sexy? A string of colorful curses left your lips as Clive inserted two fingers at the same time, giving you no time to adjust. His fingers curled inside you, while his thumb smeared your wetness over your clit. Your cheeks burned, heat pooling in your stomach. Your legs twitched as Clive sped up. He added a third finger, pumping you while his eyes didn't leave your face. “I… want your cock, Clive.” You needed more from him, and Clive was happy to oblige.

“Such a needy girl.” He said, retracting his fingers.

“Ah.. yes. Talk dirty to me.” You had a devilish smirk on your face, enjoying the talking down from him. It seemed to surprise him, as he had prepared to treat you like a princess. You took this moment to take off your shirt, getting on your hands and knees. “Sorry, my Prince. I really adore you, but just like defeating a monster, a kind treatment isn't gonna do the job today.”

He stared at you for a moment. His cock twitched in his pants, the garment becoming restricting. The way you swayed your hips in front of him. Your cunt dripping with need for his cock. He slowly licked his lips. “As you wish.” You didn't need a sweet prince right now. Clive smirked, being reminded of your story at the bonfire. He would play the elder prince for you again. He slapped your rear, hard and fast.

A soft groan echoed through the chamber, and it wasn't his. Your skin was already turning red, so he struck your other cheek. “I can see you're into this, sweetheart. I didn't know you were such a whore .” Your heavy, labored breath sounded like music in his ears.

“Yeah? I guess Clive Rosfield turns out to be just as depraved as I am.” You talked back, and it earned you another slap. “Fuck! Clive, give me your cock, please!” You were outright begging now, and who was he to refuse you?

“Just how you like it.” He warned, rubbing the tip of his cock against your dripping entrance. A hand on your lower back, the other on your hip. In one thrust, he entered you, completely filling you up. You screamed of pleasure into the pillow, not given time to adjust. You trusted this man to do things like this to you. Your lips curled up in a smile, as you heard Clive groan. “You take me so well sweetheart.” You moved back, and he moved forward, your skin meeting, each slap reverberating through his chambers. This room would never be the same.

“Fuck… so good!” You moaned as Clive sped up, gripping your hips bruisingly hard. He would take care of those later. You awakened a fire in him. Something he never thought imaginable, at least not like this. His pelvis got wet from your cum, and he felt you clenching him harder. Sweat dropped from his chin, right on your lower back. He watched mesmerized, as the droplets travelled over your scars. You were as beautiful as ever. Your back muscles contracted when his thrusts pushed you further into the bed. You clenched his sheets, moaning his name.

“I'm gonna come!” He growled, his orgasm building in his stomach. “Cum on my cock sweetheart, cum on my cock!” He commanded, a chant ringing in your ears.

“I-!” You tried, but your words were drowned out as your body tensed up hard.

“Founder!” Clive exclaimed as you gripped his cock like a vice. He gritted his teeth, jaw bulging. You moaned loudly, waves of pleasure coursing through your body. He continued to pound you into the bed, until both your highs were finished. Clive slowly released you, pulling out slowly. Your cunt now dripping with his cum, he grabbed a towel to clean you up. You took a minute to catch your breath, unmoving and lungs burning.

“Oh, you don't have to do that.” You mumbled back as you felt soft fabric touching your swollen folds.

“What, were you going to sleep like this?” Clive jokes, which surprised you. You happily sighed, letting him clean you up. “Are you okay?” Clive asked worried, seeing that you still hadn't moved.

“Yeah, I'm fine.” You propped yourself up, looking back at Clive. “I hope I wasn't too demanding?”

“Not at all. If you must know, I was into it as well.” He replied, looking at you with a flustered smile. You sat back on the bed, returning the smile. “Ah. Before I forget. Let me treat your bruises.” Clive took a moment to sit next to you, smearing the oily substance over darkened spots on your body. He slowly massaged you, and he seemed genuinely happy to do so.

“Let me do that next time to you too.” You said, excitedly imagining getting to freely roam your hands on his muscular body.

He chuckled in response, now just in his smalls beside you. “I don't need bruises for that, my love. Just ask.” The term of endearment made you blush madly. It made you feel special. You reached out to him, kissing him on his scar. A quick gentle kiss before moving on to his mouth. You kissed his lower lip, crawling closer. Clive leaned forward, opening his mouth to grant entrance to your tongue. He let you explore for a bit before taking over, moving to hover above you. His fingers intertwined with yours, and you felt yourself smiling into the kiss. Clive stopped to catch his breath, watching you from above.

“Let me put my underwear back on.” You started, wiggling your way from underneath him. But not without getting your hands on his chest and abdomen while doing so.

“Y/N…” Clive's breath hitched in surprise. “That tickles.” To prevent you from groping more, Clive let himself drop to the side, getting out of your way. He rolled onto his back, pulling up the blankets, leaving a space for you to come back to. You crawled back onto the bed, moving to rest your head on his shoulder, and your arm over his waist. Clive was warm, his chest slowly going up and down. His hand played with your hair, which you kept loose while you slept. Satisfied, you hummed against his chest, like a cat having found a spot in the sun.

“Thanks Clive.” You whispered after a while.

“For what?” It was hard for him to look at you in this position, but he tried anyway.

“For saving me.” It was unlike you to get sentimental. “And for loving me. Truly-” His hand let go of your hair and pulled you flush against him.

“I love you, sweetheart. I am grateful for even having you in my life. I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for you.” Just like that, he made your stomach flutter again, and your cheeks pink. You rubbed your cheek against him. He pressed a kiss on your crown in return. “Goodnight, my love.” 

Chapter Text

Unfortunately, you could not tick off ‘sleeping in’ from your list, but you woke up happy anyway. After getting dressed and gathering some breakfast, you, Clive, and Torgal left the Hideaway for the heat of Dhalmekia. “What exactly did L’ubor need help with? I realized I didn’t ask.” You started, riding on a chocobo next to Clive who had Ambrosia with him. Torgal ran happily along.

“Multiple aetherfloods. Since the sky changed and Origin appeared, these happen more often.” His face was solemn. “The people and monsters that turn akashic tend to attack his city. Jill is doing what she can with Dion at the moment, and hopefully Joshua will wake up soon. Until we are ready to destroy Ultima, we have to protect everyone.” 

Everyone huh? 

 You nodded, and Clive sped up. Time to get to work.

...

As Clive checked in with his friend, you preferred to hang back and entertain Torgal. “Who have you got with you?” L’ubor asked curiously, as he hadn't seen you before. And instead of introducing yourself, you played with Clive's wolf.

“Yeah? Who is a good boy? Who is?” Torgal barked happily, wagging his tail at you on the heated square in front of the Briar's Kiss. “Yeah, you are!”

Clive chuckled, slightly embarrassed by your enthusiasm. “That's Y/N. She is a Dominant, but I'd prefer it if you kept that a secret.

“She seems familiar.” L’ubor replied, eyeing you.

“She is Dhalmekian.” Clive replied, hoping to not go into your thieving past.

“Yeah, I can see that.” L'ubor replied, uneasy. There was something about you he couldn't shake. He turned around and asked his aide. 

You enjoyed being out in the sun, playing a little before the real action started. Fighting alongside Clive had also been quite a while. You wondered why they were taking so long though. You saw Clive's face turn serious, and you approached the smithy. 

“There's a bounty on her head.” L’ubor showed Clive the poster. It was slightly off, but Clive recognized you in it. “10 million gil.” L’ubor added, a serious expression on his face. Clive frowned. There were multiple reasons as to why there was one. Hell, he was the Nr. 1 outlaw in Valisthea.

“That sure looks like me.” You commented, scanning the poster with narrowed eyes. They even got the mottled scar over your eye right. “That saves me the introduction. You want to cash me in, or do you want me to help out?” You said casually. Clive might trust the man, but you weren't so friendly.

“Honestly, the latter. Akashic have been terrorizing travelers and they are getting too close for my liking.” L’ubor replied, continuing the conversation like it was nothing.

“Do you know who put this bounty up?” Clive spoke, hoping you'd know more.

You shrugged. “Too many options. Freeing Bearers and being associated with Cid is not opening doors at the moment. Or maybe someone filthy rich I robbed? Or perhaps-”

“Alright. Let's discuss this on our way shall we?” Clive interrupted, scratching his head with a worried smile.

“Well, being associated with Cid does open doors here, so let me know if you guys need anything.” L’ubor offered, putting your poster away.

“ We’ll head out straight away.” Clive replied, after he gathered the information he needed. You nodded in response. 

A quick trip by chocobo revealed a huge area with a bluish atmosphere. You haven’t encountered these before, but you heard from Jill they were popping up more often since the destruction of multiple crystals. And the sky turned pink. “See you next time, girl.” Clive talked sweetly to his white chocobo, and you couldn’t help but smile at the tender treatment of his steed.

“Off you go, my soft feathered friend.” You said to your yellow companion, releasing him from your service so he could go back to his owner. It was lucky that you were a Dominant. Otherwise you were sure you’d walked into those blue clouds without a clue. Fortunately, Jill was all too happy to educate you on matters like this.

“What’s on your mind?” Clive asked, eying you curiously.

“Ah, nothing.” You took out your poisoned daggers. You were eager to see if carrot morbol poison had any effects.

“Not taking the chance to practice your sword?” Clive joked, already slowly making his way to the aether flood.

“Hah, I prefer to be back for a drink before dusk.” You replied with a chuckle. You square your shoulders, switching out a dagger for your sword. You could be efficient. Both of you nodded at each other before going into the flood. 

...

It was weird to see how easy the two of you could take care of waves and waves of enemies. They weren't particularly fast, or strong, but even then they fell faster than a lemon tart in your mouth during dinner. Halfway you continued with just your sword. A sword and dagger was too difficult to keep up for now. Moreover, your poison was too effective. The akashic were groaning in severe pain when you stabbed or sliced them. Your secondhand sword from Blackthorne would have to suffice. Just had to keep in mind the different distance and strength of attacks. Don't stand too close. Arm slightly bent.

Forty minutes or so later, both of you emerged unharmed from the flood. Swords back in their sheaths, you exchanged a smile. “Your technique is improving.” Clive complimented, smiling satisfied.

“You had time to watch me?” You raised an eyebrow, but couldn't help but smirk slightly.

“Of course.” Clive said smugly, and you gently punched his shoulder. The two of you would go back to the Briar's Kiss to report.

“Well, you were as awesome as ever, swinging that ridiculous sword around.” You complimented him, your gaze shifting to the slab of steel on his back.

“You honor me, my lady.” He tried to grab your hand to press a kiss on your knuckles, but you dodged, pressing a quick kiss on his cheek.

“I'll honor the shit out of you if I get you to smile like that.” You grinned, enjoying yourself. Enjoying his presence. Enjoy helping out. Torgal circled around you two, wanting in on the fun. Clive blushed, a sheepish smile on his reddened face. That disappeared in an instance. His eyes widened, and you looked at him confused. “Wha-” You started, and Clive responded by grabbing your shoulders and pulling you close, switching places effectively.

“...” A soft thud when something pierced through his cape into his back.

“Clive!” You exclaimed, fear and stress rushing through your body.

“It's fi-” The streak of blood coming from the corner of his mouth indicated that he was lying. Torgal whined desperately. Clive stumbled slightly, and you were prepared to catch him. Your gaze shifted to the arrow sticking out his back, and looking further in the distance you saw the bastards that dared to attack you. Climbing out from the sand, they had been lying in wait. Clive caught himself, but you had to act quickly.

“Brace yourself.” You ordered, fear shifting to adrenaline. You ripped out the arrow, sniffing the tip. Your instinct was right, it was poisoned. Clive groaned in pain against your shoulder.

“...Well, well, well… if it isn't Y/N. How nice that you showed up, with that fucking bastard.” The voice and face of this person was all too familiar. Just like the fact that these fuckers had waited until you'd spent energy.

“Get on the ground, on your back.” You ordered Clive. Your fingers were trembling, and your mind was in overdrive. If this was your situation seven years ago, you'd left Clive to die to get your revenge. But times had changed, and you didn't spare Dio or Trevor a glance. Like a coeurl, you positioned yourself in between your loved one and your enemies. Torgal was next to you, shielding Clive even more from danger. You didn't care that your back was towards them. You took out a general antidote from your pouch and removed the cork. Clive tried to take it from you, but his arm was shaking. In defeat, he opened his mouth instead. “Why are you here?” You asked, without looking back. You hoped to buy time so you could assess Clive. You checked his pupils, the color of the blood on his cloak, and the effect of your antidote.

“Your second rate shit is not going to work, Y/N.” Dio spoke up again. Seeing that Trevor had not drawn another arrow on his bow, you deduced that this must've been an extremely rare poison, or they were confident that they had already won. Droplets of sweat appeared on Clive's forehead. “We're here to kill you of course. Put up a high enough bounty and the information rolls in automatically. And seeing that you were probably sucking Cid's dick, we could get two in one fell swoop.” You clenched your fists, refusing to let go here. Dio was not allowed to see you cry again. Clive's eyes were shut tight, and he was breathing heavily. You could see him swallow hard in between breaths, his body rigid. Still, he squeezed your ankle in some way of trust.

“Traitors are not allowed to live.” Trevor spoke up. You gritted your teeth. 

What do I do?! Nothing I have is working. What the fuck is this poison?!

“Don't bother with Cid. Don't think we have the antidote with us. We’re not stupid.” Dio continued, his arms crossed in confidence. “This is the most potent poison in Valisthea. He'll start to hallucinate, and when the poison reaches his spine and nerves, he'll be in immense pain before his organs will start to fail. There is nothing you can do. He'll have three days maximum. We were hoping to get you with it, Y/N.” He kicked some sand your way, and Torgal growled. “Like the fucking loner that you are. We would've left you to die in this godforsaken desert after collecting Cid's bounty.”

“It's your fault the world is this way.” Trevor added, gritting his teeth. They were done observing. He switched out his bow for his trusty axe. It seems Trevor had a different kind of beef with you.

“Torgal.” You shook your head at the wolf. Now was not the time to engage. You could prime here, right now and end this trash. You would get your revenge, but Clive wouldn't be so lucky in a prolonged fight. Dio probably had more up his sleeve, seeing that they had come prepared. Trevor raised his axe, stepping within striking distance.

“You shouldn't have betrayed us, you fucking whore.” Dio's voice rang through your head. He nudged Trevor to proceed. Your gaze was on Clive. His breathing had turned erratic, and there was only one way out. You clenched your fists, pulling in aether. Trevor's axe shattered on your black plated armor as you head whipped back towards him. He was too close, and you took out a dagger, shanking it in his upper leg. The Morbol poison did its job, as Trevor cried out in pain.

“Fuck, it BURNS!” He cried out, stumbling back with the weapon still stuck in his limb. The syphoned energy you saw Clive already take. It would hopefully buy a little time. You broke off the arrow, putting the head in your pouch before fully priming.

“Next time I see you, you're dead.” You threatened, grabbing Clive in one hand, Torgal in the other before teleporting. You didn't wait for their reply or look at their faces. But Trevor would be in a world of pain for a while. You kept teleporting while keeping an eye on Clive. He was struggling in your grip, trying to get rid of an itch. Out of desperation, you held him tighter, so he was unable to move. You gained altitude. Waiting for the skiff to go back to the Hideaway would take too long. You had never done this before, and were unsure if you could make it before you ran out of power. 

I have to make it! It’s do or die.

Torgal was quiet, as if he could sense your struggle. The distance of your teleports got shorter. You still hadn't arrived at shore. Clive was still struggling in your grip, groaning and growling in pain, his jaw tight and his teeth clenched. This was all your fault. If you hadn't threatened Dio via Cassian in Sanbreque, this wouldn't have happened. What would Jill say if you arrived with Clive like this and you told her this happened because of you? Dread pooled in your stomach. The sea was in sight. Prometheus dashed through the sky, keeping Clive and Torgal close to its black armored body. Your limbs were starting to ache, like you had been training furiously and this was the second day after. It crossed your mind to just run. Which was quickly discarded. You need Tarja. You might need Mid. Perhaps you needed Gav to shake some sense into you. You were starting to panic, the Hideaway not in sight yet. It was just endless water. Were you even going the right way? You roared in frustration. In a few teleports, you saw the water change. Your ears started ringing, and you knew this could've been the moment where Odin would put a spear in your back. Still, you continued. The other option was to give up and drown. 

There was a sense of relief when you saw the Hideaway in the distance. The armor slowly faded, as you shrunk in size. Clive was in no state to do anything, so you had to be quick. One arm around Clive's waist, the other holding on to Torgals fur. Two more teleports. “I'm sorry Torgal!” With a final push, you dropped the wolf onto the docks, while you shot through with Clive. This time you shielded him when you crashed into the tables in front of the hunting board. “TARJA!” You screamed, blood pouring from your nose. The table below you was destroyed, and scraps of wood were everywhere. But you and Clive were okay. At least from the travel. Several cursebreakers had jumped up and approached in shock.

“Make space!” You heard Otto shout. You were unable to move, Clive heaving on top of you. Your vision was blurry, but you heard Tarja's voice in the distance. People had started moving, lifting Clive to transport him to the infirmary. You couldn't understand what they were saying, until someone dragged you to the infirmary as well. 

Gav jotted a piece of cloth up your nose to staunch the bleeding. “What happened?!” Both Tarja and Gav looked at you.

“We were ambushed….” You started, your hands supporting your face as your eyes were trained on Clive. “It's my fault…” You croaked. “Trevor shot an arrow and Clive jumped in front. He's poisoned…” Tarja got to work, getting rid of his armor. Gav stood up to help, leaving you with your thoughts.

“I'm going to need more information Y/N. What kind of poison? How much time do we have?” She was serious and professional, not a hint of panic on her face.

“I don't know.” You replied, blaming yourself. “Three days maximum.”

Tarja clicked her tongue. That was not a lot to go on. She and Gav got Clive on his stomach, so she could clean the wound after knocking him out with a tonic. But before that could happen, Clive broke out in a frenzy. “NO!” He screamed, his body tensing. “Not like this!” You all moved to push him back into the bed. 

He's hallucinating.

His eyes were frantic, shooting everywhere. “Don’t!” He whines, and the fact that you did this was slowly destroying you. Your hands were trembling. Tarja acted quickly, forcing a sleeping agent down his throat and making him swallow.

The moment Clive passed out, Gav was on you like a hawk. In panic, he grabbed you by the collar. “What happened to him. I've never seen him like this.” He said, almost threatening. His usual smile was far gone, and it felt like he would throw you if you didn't answer soon. And you'd let him.

“Poisoned arrow.” You repeat.

“That's your thing isn't it?” Gav asked, shaking you slightly. “Y/N, get your shite together.” Your eyes widened. “He'll be alright with your help. But you can't be stayin' on the sidelines now.” He eyed you waiting for your response.

Your face turned angry. “As if I would do that. I'll do everything I can to fix this.” You glared at him until he let you go.

“Tell me what you need.” He responds, stepping back with a nod. You took a deep breath. Tarja had been quiet, but looked at you expectedly.

“I need every book from the shelves about rare plants, poisonous or venomous monsters, and on poisons in general.” You summed up.

“I'm on it.” Gav confirmed, storming off.

“I'm going to the garden, I need to make some stuff for focus.” You started, and gazed up at Tarja.

“Get Mid. She needs to look at his blood for any clues. And we can use it to test our own antidotes. It's trial and error…. Until time runs out.” You stormed off as well, not intending to sleep for the upcoming three days. And for that, you needed more of your energizing tonic. 

After asking permission to use all available plants needed for your mixture, you got to work. Grinding the roots, adding lemon juice and a pinch of sugar for flavor, and the secret ingredient; a tiny piece of carrot Morbol root that after your hunt was also growing in the garden. In the end, you had ten tonics to keep you going. It was not enough, you were aware of that. “I have to make do with it.” You determined, returning to the infirmary.

Gav had already returned with a stack of books. “Let's get to work.” Tarja stated, grabbing the first book.

—

Hours passed, while the three of you read through books and made lists of possible options for your antidote. “....Why is Clive here?” A familiar voice spoke up from the back of the infirmary.

“Joshua.” Tarja muttered, getting up to help him and explain the situation.

“Let me help.” You could hear him practically demand from where you were sitting. And so he joined as well, just like Mid.

She had this thing she called a microscope, where she could see up close if an antidote was working. “It's not perfect, but it's all I've got.” She started analyzing Clive's blood that Tarja gave her. “I don't have experience with biology.” She added, biting her lip as she looked once more.

“That's fine, we just need it for comparison, if we test an antidote before we give it to him.” Tarja explained.

... 

The sun had been long gone, and you saw Gav nod off. Tarja was also having difficulty. “How about the two of you go to sleep? It's better to be fresh when you're helping.” You offered.

“What about you?” Gav asked concerned.

“I got something to stay awake.” You replied, getting back to your notes.

“Which is?” Tarja inquired.

“Not enough to share. Even if it was, I can't recommend it.” You scribbled something down. It could be a useful flower to look into.

“So you should be the one to take the risk?” Tarja crossed her arms. She looked at you with a hint of disappointment and frustration.

You looked back at Tarja, meeting her gaze with a glare. “It's better to have one constant factor in this research than us taking shifts. Moreover, I'm used to this stuff. Yeah it's not healthy to take multiple ones, but last time I checked, our Cid is still dying. So let me do whatever the fuck I need to do, and I'll hear you out later.” Your words were harsh, and you took no pleasure in being right. Tarja fell silent.

“You didn't have to put it like that.” Gav interjected, feeling defeated. He stood up anyway to get some sleep. You just curtly nodded in reply, getting back to your book. 

—

You didn't even notice the sun going up. You only looked up from your book when Jill appeared in the doorway of the infirmary, with a worried expression on her face. “Otto told me what happened, are you okay?” She ran over to you after checking on Clive, quickly checking your face, eyes, and overall mood. Under the circumstances, you looked decent. You closed your book, looking at your page of notes before taking your second tonic. Shaking your head from the bitterness, you stood up to compare notes from everyone.

“Can you help me find commonalities between our notes? I'm hoping we can start gathering ingredients today.” Jill quickly nodded, as she sat next to you.

Time was passing, and you hadn't got anything to show for it yet. You were impatient, your foot tapping continuously on the wood. Jill placed a calm hand on your knee. “Y/N. It's going to be okay. We'll figure it out.” She said reassuringly.

“But what if we don't?” You looked around, to Tarja, Gav, Joshua, and back to Jill. “The world will end right?” It was a thought that had been haunting your mind. The world's fate was dependent on Clive defeating Ultima. What if you had just doomed Valisthea because of your revenge? Even if you weren't using your tonic, you wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway. You had a streak of stupid, idiotic mishaps, but this certainly took the crown. And as if on cue, Clive started groaning again. Your head whipped back towards him, but Joshua interjected.

While Tarja stood up to help Clive, Joshua calmly took your face in his hands. “Y/N. You're doing everything you can. We are doing everything we can. My brother believes in us, and we'll find a cure in time. Keep faith. He has been through worse.” Joshua's calm voice affected you.

“Can't you heal him?” You asked, knowing what the answer would be.

“I can heal his physical wounds. Not remove the poison from his body…” He said, frustration seeping through his words. “Now let's go get the difficult ingredients on the list.” His gaze moved to Jill. Who nodded and stood up.

“I'm coming with you.” You started, but Joshua pushed you back in your seat.

“Not this time. You were the constant factor, right?” He replied, a calm smile still on his face.

“Besides, you look like shit.” Tarja added. Gav shrugged, not really having an opinion.

Then he stood up as well. “I'll also take care of some of the list items.” You watched as the three of them walked out, leaving you with a bitter taste in your mouth. But they were right. You downed another tonic and continued with your research. Some years ago you couldn't read a letter, and now you were going through books like a madman.

“Your concoction, I can see it ups your body temperature and heart rate.” Tarja had returned, and Clive had gone silent again.

You nodded. “What of it?”

“I'm not going to tell you to stop taking them now, but I'm assuming you are aware of the risks you are taking right now?”

“Higher risk of heart attacks, dehydration, brain damage from the loss of sleep…” You summed up some of the risks you were willing to take by continuously using your tonic.

You looked at Tarja, who's lips curled up into a wry smile. “Glad to know you know what you're doing.” 

Chapter Text

The first antidote you tested with a blood sample did nothing. Mid shook her head the same at the second and third. 48 hours had passed. Jill was biting her nails. It was unbecoming of her. “...Let's make the next one.” You offered, not sure where your steady voice was coming from. Tarja was treating a couple of wounds on Jill's arm. Joshua his calf already bandaged. They had encountered monsters on their quest, and both gotten hurt albeit slightly.

“....Nghhgg…” Clive whined in pain. Tarja immediately checked his pupils. Your heartbeat quickened as your gaze whipped towards the noise.

“Where is your pain?” She asked, trying to alleviate as much as possible. Gav had returned with his list, and immediately went back out for pain numbing ingredients. While all of you were focussing on Clive, the Hideaway was in trouble.

“Chest…. Back… I can't feel my feet.” Clive hissed, breathing heavy in between. He looked like a fish on land, and your face fell.

“Drink this.” Tarja offered. Your heart was beating loudly in your throat as you clenched your fists. Downing another one of your tonics a moment later, you only had two left. “We need to hurry. He's no longer hallucinating, but he's in a lot of pain.” She updated you, a grim expression on her face. You swiftly nodded, just like Jill and Joshua. Grinding the rare and valuable flowers and monster parts that they brought back, you had some confidence in the current mixture. With your gained knowledge and tries, these ingredients should be able to counter almost all well known poisons to man. You licked your lips, fully focussed on your new antidote. You tried to use as much knowledge you already had, as it came from Dio himself.

After adding everything together in what you thought were the right amounts, you had a light purple antidote. Shaking it for a minute, and then handing it to Mid. She was in her lab, already waiting for you. The lab was quiet. Watching paint dry was not on your schedule. You nervously stared at the microscope. Seconds ticked away, and you felt sweat dripping down your back. “Can you stop tapping your foot?” Mid commented, without looking up. You froze, clenching your jaw instead. The lab was silent, and you felt like you wanted to scream. 50 hours had passed, and you had no improvements to show.

“And?” You tried. Mid ignored you. You felt the need to pace. Bite your nails. Right then, Mid looked up.

You could already see it on her face. “....” She shook her head. Your knees gave out, and you dropped on the wooden floor.

“Fuck! That was the best we had! Jill and Joshua-” You couldn't even finish your sentence as you slammed your fists on the ground. “This can't be happening…. Why did he do it?! Why not let me get hit?!” Strings of curses spilled from your lips, and Mid didn't have the heart to comfort you. Her usual smile had faded for a crestfallen look that you couldn't meet. It took you precious minutes to get back up. “I'll be back.” You took a deep breath before bearing the bad news to everyone in the infirmary. 

Your face already said enough. The bags under your eyes, the bloodshot pupils, and the greasy skin resulted from unhealthy amounts of sweat put aside, your expression already showed failure. Joshua had already started on the next antidote. “You're bleeding.” Jill stared at your hands with widened eyes.

“Don't mind me.” You deflected, getting back to your notes.

“You shouldn't push so hard.” Tarja commented, crossing her arms. Her eyes were going everywhere but your face. You wiped the blood from your hands on your shirt. 

...

“Next one.” You passed another purple liquid toward Jill. You couldn't handle walking over to the lab anymore. 

“Next one.” An olive colored liquid passed to Gav. He had returned, and you wanted him out, as the pacing made you nervous. 

“Next one.” You downed your last tonic. If you had one more you were sure you could smell colors. Blinking hurts.

“Next-” There was nothing in your hands anymore. All precious resources that were gathered by everyone were used up.

“Y/N-” Jill tried. You cursed. At that moment, Clive let out a pained groan and it was then that you got mad. Your breathing was stuck in your throat.

“I need a moment.” You exclaimed before you bolted out of the infirmary. You saw Joshua with his hands in his hair. Tarja looked like she could collapse at any moment.

I need to think! THINK!

You need to be alone. You blinked furiously, and before you knew it, you were in Clive's room. 

THINK!

“Founder I can't lose him…” You sat on the chair at the desk, gazing at the map on it. Clive usually sat on the other side while working. Your pouch was heavy, so you took the whole thing and ripped it off your belt. “And what have you done huh?! You fucking dead weight!” You threw the damned thing against the wall, the potions inside bursting on impact. “Fuck you!” You threw up your hands in frustration. There was no one here, but your ears were ringing. When the pouch dropped to the floor, you felt a shiver go down your spine.

“What was that.” You dashed over, fully focussed on that sound that tastes like red in your mouth. You opened your pouch, and found the arrowhead. When had you taken this? The tip was still covered in Clive's blood, dried up in the hours that it had been there. The potion liquid covered the arrow as well, and you shook it off. You sniffed it again. 

I already sniffed it, idiot. I know it was poisoned then, and it still is now.

There was something about it that had you focussed. 

“This is the most potent poison in Valisthea. He'll start to hallucinate, and when the poison reaches his spine and nerves, he'll be in immense pain before his organs will start to fail. There is nothing you can do.”

Dio's voice rang in your mind. “Most potent poison in Valisthea…” A morbid thought came to mind. How would that feel? You were at your wits end. You twisted the head in your fingers. You placed your other hand on the ground, fingers wide. “Here goes nothing.”

I'll ascertain what's in here by feeling it.

You stabbed the arrowhead in the back of your hand, as deep as you could manage. You waited. Minutes passed by. Your hand was trembling from pain. Regular pain. You stared at your hand, waiting for something to happen. And when it didn't, you jumped up and ran out. 

“OTTO! WHERE IS OTTO?!” You were screaming, frantically looking around to find the familiar face. You skipped the lift, jumping over the ledge towards the docks. With a loud thud, you landed. “OTTO!” The man in question was running towards you.

“Kid?! Did you save him?” He saw the state you were in. He calmed down, realizing that you wouldn't be in such a hurry if you were.

“The tonic.” You stammered. “Do you still have it?!” He looked confused for a moment. Your legs were ready to give out. “Don't tell me…” You started.

Otto then took out the vial with amber liquid. “This one? I haven't needed to use it yet.”

“I’ll explain later.” You snatched the vial from his hands, teleporting back up. Your legs were hurting. 

Why? Why can’t I move properly? Walking hurts.

You winced at every step, but now was not the time to stop. Your mind was going into overdrive. “Charon, I need the most effective healing potion you have.” You sounded demanding, and Charon was really to whoop you back to where you came from. She then observed you a little better, and raised her eyebrow.

“Here ya go. On the house. You look like you’ll drop dead any second.” She saw you nod and limp off, dawning on her that the potion was not for you. 

With two vials in hand, you stumbled into the infirmary. “Tarja.” Your voice had grown weary, and you didn’t trust yourself to administer the potions yourself. She quickly approached, seeing your sorry state. The bags under her eyes were visible, and her shoulders slumped. “Mix these two and give it to Clive.” Her eyes fell on your hand, which was bleeding severely. She cursed, no longer being able to stay professional. However, she did as you asked and stomped over to Clive.

Jill quickly approached with bandages. Her hands were trembling, and you could see she had been crying, green blotches on her face. Gav was once again pacing the room, leaving blue footprints in the floor. When you arrived, he went over to assist Tarja immediately. Joshua sat next to his brother, holding his hand tightly with his own. An orange glow hung over the brothers. You blinked a few times. Jill assisted you to the bed next to Clive, and you stared as Joshua prepped Clive up, while Tarja administered the mixture. Your heartbeat was deafening, and swallowing became hard. You gripped your knees, the fresh bandages seeping with black blood. 

When was the last time I slept?

You were waiting for Clive to move. To open his eyes. Lift a finger. You couldn’t even see his chest move. With a dumbfounded expression, you watched him. “...It didn’t work.” Tarja said, shaking her head. You blinked again, her hair seeming to go blonde. Has one of each not been enough? Was the ratio off? Perhaps… Perhaps you were just wrong and had failed?

“No….” You stammered. Jill started crying. Tarja slumped on Clive’s bed. The edges of your vision turned black, as you no longer were able to stay conscious. “Not like this…”

—

There were streaks of sunlight on your face. It seemed whatever happened, the world continued anyway. The pinkish hue however, brought you back to the current state of affairs. The world was still ending. And you were still in it for some reason. You were on an infirmary bed. Your head is throbbing, and you wanted to rub your forehead, but your hands were tied to the corners of the bed. Thick ropes wrapped around your wrists multiple times, holding your limbs tight to the bedposts. “What the fuck.” Just like your legs. You were unable to move an inch. You figured not even Kupka could've moved with the way you were put on this bed. You struggled some more, but to no avail. You were all alone in the infirmary, not a soul in sight. 

I failed. Clive died, and they're probably figuring out what to do with me. The world is going to shit. 

The tightness around your head wasn't going away, and you became aware of the bandage wrapped around it. Had they already tried to kill you, but it didn't work? The bed beside you was clean, in contrast to yourself. Your shirt was covered in blood, much to your dismay. Dark, red layers coated your shirt like a crappy painting of a three year old. You groaned in frustration. “You're awake.” Tarja approached you, a small smile on her lips. You half expected her to take out a knife and finish you off. “How many fingers am I holding up?” She asked instead.

“Four?” You replied hesitantly. She checked your eyes and your pulse, carefully and professionally as ever. “Care to remove these?” You tried, tugging your arms.

“Not yet.” She shook her head, before resting her gaze on you. You sighed, relieved that she wasn't going to end you. Then again, what was the use? “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“...Uhm. I gave you a potion and a tonic to mix. But it didn't work.” You bit your lip. “You… You said it didn't work, and I couldn't stay awake anymore, so I passed out.”

Tarja sighed, shaking her head. The wry smile on her face made you raise an eyebrow. “Listen. What I am about to tell you is the truth.” She replied, placing a few fingers on the side of your throat to keep track of your pulse.

“Truth?”

“Now I finally understand how it all happened.” Tarja started, seeming to know something you don't. “Clive is alive.” Your eyes widened in shock, as your head whipped towards Tarja. “Take deep breaths, Y/N. Or you'll hurt yourself.”

“Hurt myself? What the hell are you talking about I-” The sudden pain in your chest stung you like a hornet.

“Deep breaths.” Tarja commanded, and you obeyed. The pain slowly faded after a few minutes. “You got close to dying yourself.” She said, shaking her head. You looked at her questioningly, not willing to indulge her with questions. “Your energizing tonic with the potion worked. But not against the hallucination.” She started.

“Oh.”

Oh.

— Approximately three days earlier —

Tarja watched intently until she saw Clive swallow the concoction. She held his wrist, checking his pulse for any significant changes. For the past hours his heartbeat had weakened. It's a miracle he was still alive at this point. Her eyes switched to you. On a normal day you'd been an emergency case. Drugged up and wounded, a crazy look in your eyes. Clive's heartbeat quickened, and Tarja immediately checked his pupils. Then her other hand on his forehead. “Something is happening.” She started, not wanting to sound too hopeful.

His fingers twitched, and Joshua stood up in awe. “He's-” He started, but was interrupted by an agonizing scream. Tarja and Joshua were on the same side of the bed, while Jill saw up close as your irises turned silver, and draconic armor appeared on your arms.

Gav turned around on his heels, ready to tackle you. “How can she turn here?!” He exclaimed, seeing that you had lost control.

“Knock her out!” Tarja shouted, as she left Joshua with Clive to help get you down.

“Not like this!” Your voice was heavy, as you took a hold of Gav. Teeth bared, you were ready to throw him through the wall. Jill was quicker. She had lifted Clive's sword, the pommel slammed into the side of your head. The blunt force of the hit made you drop Gav, but it still wasn't enough to knock you out. Until your armored hand gnawed your chest. You clawed at your shirt. You fell forward with a pained groan, body going limp. 

Chapter Text

Your eyes were back at the ceiling. Your mixture had worked, for most part. Except for the hallucination. “What exactly happened?” Your memory was a haze.

“Heart attack.” Tarja explained.

“Can I see Clive now?” You didn't care about the heart attack.

“Y/N. You poisoned yourself by stabbing your hand. You drugged yourself until you got a heart attack. You jumped over the ledge onto the docks and broke your ankles.”

Oh.

“You could've easily died. I want you to know that me and Joshua did the best we could. But it means nothing when you won't hesitate to pull a stunt like that again.” You wanted to protest. You could tell her exactly how Clive risked his life without a heartbeat for you and no one was talking about that. But then you saw her face. A worried expression, her hand never left your pulse. You probably could've given her a heart attack too with your lack of self regard. “Thank you for saving him.” Was all she added, before moving back. When she exited the infirmary, you felt like she had forgotten something.

You once again tugged on the ropes. “Tarja… for fucks sake.” Now it was impossible to wipe your tears. Everyone had pulled through, and Clive was alive. You would apologize for putting them all in danger. 

…Yeah. That's what I did.

A wave of relief washed over you regardless. Taking a few deep breaths, you were reminded of the desert. Lying in the sand, sun burning on your face. Too exhausted to move. Given up on walking. Parched, hoping that someone would find you. “....I'm thirsty.”

“Allow me.” You opened your eyes and looked at Clive.

“Son of a-” You cursed, his casualness ticking you off. The smile on his face got wider.

“Tarja mentioned I could do the honors, now I know what she meant by it.” He quickly approached to remove the ropes. If it affected him seeing you like that, he sure didn’t show. He grumbled, the knots more intricate than he’d expected. An awkward silence fell while you waited as he worked on your right wrist. When a few minutes passed and nothing happened, you glanced over to the side. His fingers were shaking. 

Oh.

“It’s okay, we can talk first.” You suggested, feeling bad.

“No, I-”

“Clive.”

“Y/N, I can’t embrace you like this.”

You fell silent. “...Okay. I’m dirty though.”

“I don’t care.” He bit back, finally releasing your right wrist. He moved back, going to your right ankle. “...Otto told me you jumped over the ledge on the dock.” He tried to make conversation, wanting to get you to talk.

“Apparently, I broke both my ankles.” You snorted, knowing now why walking was ‘difficult’ back then. “I was so out of it that I didn’t even realize it.” You saw him bite his lip, and you rolled your eyes. “You can say whatever you want to me, Clive.” You offered, reminding yourself of the last time you did a stupid thing and he had glared at you the whole way back on the skiff. “Glare at me.”

He shuffled over to your other leg before his eyes moved up to you. “What did you hope to achieve by poisoning yourself? Did you…” He briefly looked away, trouble finding the right words. “..Were you trying to kill yourself?”

“Did you? When you jumped in front of me?” You countered, raising an eyebrow. “I was willing to explore all the options available to find a cure. If that makes me a suicidal maniac, then that's fine.”

Clive sighed in response. “Let's not dive deeper. I'm extremely grateful that we both made it.” He tried, freeing your leg.

“Why did you do it? Why did you shield me? Of all people that have a higher purpose, you had to…” You disagreed. Now was the time to dive deeper and get this over with. “What about all the burdens you were taking from everyone? Protecting your people-” The sudden pain in your chest made you flinch. 

Okay, maybe not the time to dig deeper.

Clive was already on you like a hawk. “What does that mean if I can't even protect the one I love?” He gently rubbed your knuckles, trying to distract you. “Take a few deep breaths…” He suggested, a strained smile on his face. He moved over to your other arm, hanging above you. You were happy to see him unhurt. You had no idea how long you had been out, but he looked good as ever. You stared at his chest, ever so visible in his armor.

“Enjoying this, are you?” Clive asked with a slight smirk, distracting himself.

“I might.” You swore he lingered just a few more seconds longer before you were finally freed. “Thank you.” You slowly rubbed your wrists before sitting up. Clive waited until he ran out of patience. Not a minute passed before he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to him. You wanted to hug back but he held you so tight your hands could only rest on his waist.

“After I woke up, you were unconscious until now.” He murmured into your hair. His eyelashes were wet. “And you looked worse than I did. They all did.” You could feel the regret in his voice. The rumbling in his chest reverberating against your cheek. You reflected on 70 hours of pure adrenaline and stress.

“I'm sorry. It's all my fault. If I hadn't sent a threat to Dio in Sanbreque-”

“You weren't the one who shot the arrow.” Clive immediately deflected. “You weren't the one who ambushed us after putting a bounty on your head. Y/N, you weren't to blame. Please, don't forget that. And I made the choice to shield you.”

You sighed. You both were too stubborn for your own good. However, you allowed yourself to drop the issue. “Okay. I hear you.”

The both of you sat in silence for a few moments until Tarja returned. “Alright, I see you're caught up.” She stood in front of the both of you. “For your recovery, I've established a couple of rules you have to follow for a month.” Clive released you, and you both sat on the bed in front of Tarja like two kids getting ready to hear their chores. “Y/N. No physical activity. You're allowed to have small walks, bathe yourself, and get dressed and such. Limit stairs. Preferably no more than one a day.” Her gaze shifted to Clive. “And with physical activity I include sexual activity.”

“I wasn't-” Clive started, but Tarja already shushed him.

“You're a man Clive. I'm just warning you that you have to take care of yourself for now.” His cheeks turned crimson and you chuckled.

“So… what am I supposed to do for a month?” You asked, not feeling like there was anything left to do.

“I could use some help.” Clive offered. You raised an eyebrow. Miracles could happen after all.

“You're free to leave the infirmary. Please take care, and let's do a check-up every other day.” Tarja concluded, a small smile on her lips. 

And so, you followed Clive to his chambers. The walk there was more taxing than you'd imagined, and your head was still throbbing. “First and final stairs of the day.” You joked. 

One a day? I can do more than that, obviously.

You lifted your foot, taking the first steps. Clive was ahead of you, ready to open the door. The realization quickly hit you. You had a heart attack, and your mind was not up to date on that fact. You'd gotten halfway on the stairs when you clenched the bannister. “...I…uhm?” Your breath was labored, and your legs wouldn't take another step.

“Need help?” Clive offered, hiding his worry.

“No, I can do this.” You felt ridiculous. How could you have trouble getting up a set of stairs? You managed two more steps, your knuckles turning white from clenching the wooden structure on your side to keep you upright. You muttered curses under your labored breaths. 

Well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions. 

Clive had turned back and stood next to you on the stairs. “...I got this…” You were slowly losing confidence, as you were still breathing heavily.

“I know you do. But it's okay if you don't.” He replied, his voice soft. He wasn't judging you. Probably didn't think you were weak either, even though you were. You still had a few steps to go. 

I know what I did. I knew the risks. But why does it feel so bad? I wanted to fix my mistakes, and this is what I get? A fucking heart attack and a glaring headache. 

You continued cursing the universe, and Clive withheld a laugh. The anger you produced seemed to help you however, and you finally managed to reach the top. “Good job sweetheart. Let's do it again tomorrow.” He was truly proud of you when he said that. You just groaned in response, not looking forward to that. Clive guided you to his bed, settling on a familiar spot under some blankets.

“What about work?”

“I appreciate your enthusiasm, but you just woke up.” Clive replied, putting away his sword. “I still have the book you were reading. Would you like to have it?” Seeing that would be the best option, you nodded.

...

Late afternoon into evening quickly passed. It seems that getting hurt certainly got you Clive's attention, and he was fretting over you continuously while working behind his desk. “Are you hungry? Can I get you anything?” And more questions to make sure you were in a good spot. With clean clothes.

A knock on the door made you look up from your book. “Hey Jill.” Clive shot a friendly smile at the incoming guest.

“Hey Clive, Y/N.” You just nodded, feeling slightly embarrassed for being cozy on the bed. “How are you feeling?” Instead of going to Clive's desk, Jill walked over to you.

“I'm… uhm. Weak? Otherwise I can't complain seeing what we've been through.” You shrugged. “And you?”

“I'm fine, nothing much happened with me anyway.” She gave a wry smile.

“That's a good thing, you know. I would've felt horrible if I had hurt you while I was going crazy.” You saw her flinch. “Sorry, my memory is hazy. Did I?” You looked worried at her.

Her eyes shot to the bandages around your head. “No, I hurt you.” Jill croaks. This was a sudden emotion, and you were surprised to see it. Jill usually kept her emotions in check. “When you.. started priming… I took Clive's sword and smashed you on the head.” She confessed, her hands squeezing the fabric of her dress.

“Oh, sorry you had to do that.” You replied, feeling bad for her. Her eyes widened.

“No don't say that. I came to apologize, I had no full control…” She stammered, shocked that you would apologize.

“...Okay. Don't worry about it.” You hoped to relieve her, but her expression didn't change.

“I know Tarja was extremely unhappy with you taking all those tonics, but we might not have found the solution otherwise. It feels like we just let it happen to you because we were desperate.” Clive listened, not feeling like he should say anything or join the conversation. You quickly glanced over to him.

“It was my fault this happened anyway.” You said quietly. You were aware of what Clive said, but you couldn't help it.

“No one thinks that except you. Just so you know.” Jill replied, taking your hand in hers. You had trouble believing her. But you tried anyway.

Jill stayed for a while, chatting and updating Clive on happenings in the Hideaway. After the three of you had dinner, Clive joined you early for bed. “I managed to eat with the both of you without issue.” You smiled at your knees. It wasn't anything special, but this was the first time. Jill and Clive were the closest people you had, so to not have to worry about eating even though the both of them were fancy eaters was a huge win in your book.

“I noticed.” Clive pressed a kiss on your crown, already undressed for bed.

“Is it okay if I stay here?” You asked, not wanting to impose.

“I'd love nothing more. Just rest against me.” You were not going to refuse that, placing your head on his shoulder, your arm over his abdomen. 

You were exhausted, and it took you only seconds to fall asleep. Clive hoped to be so lucky.

Chapter Text

It was still dark out when Clive was tossing in his sleep. His brow was furrowed, and beads of sweat glistened on his forehead. His dark hair was splayed on the pillow, and his jaw tightened. “HAAAAH!” Clive shot awake, his body jerking him up in a sitting position.

The sudden scream didn't go unnoticed by you, as your eyes shot open, your heartbeat already in your throat. “What the-” Clive was panting, and you saw the damp circle where he had just risen up from. “Are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?” You asked, rubbing the remainder of sleep from your eyes before moving next to him.

Clive hid his face in his hands. “Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.” He was clearly disturbed by what he'd seen, avoiding looking at you. 

… That's not good. 

It showed that you were not the only one still recovering from the haunting events that had just transpired mere days ago. “Is this the first time?” You tried.

“...No.” Clive whispered, slowly catching his breath. You put your physical strains aside, climbing out of the bed. “Y/N?” Clive started, lowering his hands.

You circled around, so you could sit on your knees in front of him. You preferred to look at his face to continue the conversation. “Do any of these nightmares have to do with the hallucinations you experienced?” You know how real it all seemed. Even with a cure.

Clive nodded briefly. He wasn't going to tell you what he saw. He wasn't going to tell you that everyone he loved and cared about was put in a line for the chopping block. That everyone was screaming his name for help before their heads rolled, one by one. And that he was unable to move while you crawled towards him, leaving a trail of blood. A spear sticking out your back. Your bloodied fingers reached for him, tortured flesh instead of nails. You looked up, screaming his name…your eyes were gouged out while Barnabas was laughing.

“...Clive!” He snapped out of it, as you squeezed his thigh. You sighed. “You don't have to tell me what you saw. Just know that it isn't real. Everyone is okay.” You weren't stupid. The way he was acting it was obvious he probably had seen you in some horrific mutilated existence based on his past experiences. Clive had always been a difficult sleeper. He was often awake while you were hanging on the docks. Overthinking, planning and making sure everyone was okay. And there was nothing you could change about that. You stood up, pressing a kiss on his head. You withheld from ruffling his messy hair. Instead, you laid back under the covers. It was colder than you expected. You couldn't fetch him water or offer a walk. “Want to cuddle?” You asked.

“...Yes.” Was the quick reply. He pulled himself back onto the bed, positioning his body flush against yours. His arm wrapped around your waist as you shared your warmth with him. Not that he was cold, but his breathing slowed after a while. “Thank you.” He muttered against your hair, a soft apology that pulled you back to sleep.

—

Morning came, and you were excited to see he was still there. 

Yeah that’s another item on the list.

You were giddy about waking up with someone else. And not just ‘someone’ else. Clive still had his eyes closed, instead of the ‘already dressed and ready for the day’. Not sure if it was because of the nightmare, but you took the moment as it is. You silently admired his frame, observing a peaceful sleeping face. “...Love, I know you’re awake.” Clive started, before you were able to make your move.

“Oh.” He opened his eyes, looking at you.

You were facing each other now, and Clive raised his eyebrow at you. “I feel like you’re planning something..”

“I’m not. I just wanted to kiss you.” You said in earnest.

Clive sighed, giving you a smile. “Just kiss?”

“Yes. I wanted to kiss you awake, so that's no longer possible. I can settle for just kissing you though.” Clive’s smile widened. All the approval you needed. You wouldn’t say you were needy, or romantic. But founder did you figure out that touch was your love language. You crawled on top of a surprised Clive, pushing him on his back. You carefully laid on top of him, before peppering him with kisses. On his jaw, cheeks, nose, forehead, and finally his mouth. “Sorry if this is weird.” You murmured, backing away to lie on his chest. You could sleep like this no problem.

“Not weird at all.” This feeling was new for Clive, having you on top of him and just… lie around for a bit. Of course he had work to do, but for now he allowed himself this. Your lips were soft, and still lingered on his skin. He let out a satisfied sigh before bracing himself and rolling over, effectively switching spots. You looked up at him, surprised at the sudden movement. “Allow me.” He smiled, before returning the kisses. On the crook of your neck, just below your jaw. His arms were on the side of your head. He moved up to your chin. His gaze rested on you. “What do you want for breakfast?”

You raised an eyebrow, unsatisfied with his sudden stop. “Anything is good. I'll join you.” He pressed a quick peck on your lips before getting up. 

...

It took you a long time to bathe, and was too tired in the end to dry your hair properly. So you joined Clive for breakfast with a towel around your neck, and loose, damp unstyled hair. 

The stairs back up were once again a workout on their own. 

I could teleport up, no problem.

It seems that was written on your face. “I'll pick you up and set you right back at the bottom of these stairs if you teleport.” Clive whispered in your ear before going up and entering his room.

“Oh yeah? I'll… I'll…” There was nothing good you could come up with. You could only pant. “Ugh.”

Once up you sat across Clive on his desk. He pushed a stack of papers your way, providing you with a quill. “Want to be my assistant?” Clive smirked. Joke’s on him, you'd been asking this for years. He finally shared some of his administration with you. Something good happened from your heart attack, so you gave a grin in return.

“I'd love nothing more.” It earned you a glorious blush on his face. 

The following two weeks were just like that. You and Clive would read missives, and respond accordingly. Anything related to deliveries was handled with Otto. Gav took care of everything that needed immediate action. After a week, Clive left the majority of missives to you, so he could go out for tasks outside the Hideaway. You knew the day was approaching that he was going to fight Ultima and destroy Origin. You wish you had more time to recover. Then again, you knew he didn't want you to join him. If Clive was at the Hideaway and spent the night with you, he'd often wake up bathing in sweat. He'd crawl up close, checking that you were still there.

Currently however, he was away and you woke up in Clive's chambers by yourself. He'd asked you to stay here, to avoid multiple stairs and easy access to your work. You even sat on his chair, in case people came to check on you. Having full focus and time on missives, you were already caught up on the third day of Clive's absence. And so you did what you were secretly doing the moment you were finished with writing replies; taking up the sword. In the space in front of Clive's desk there was enough room for practice. Still with the old iron sword, you swung around. An hour of casual moves you could manage. You stepped around and into the space, as if you were sparring someone in this room. 

You dismissed Clive's handsome face from your mind. Even though you missed him, it was no time to be distracted. It was interesting what love did to you as a person. You were less brooding. More giddy when the two of you were alone, and you were more relaxed in public. Again you tried to push these thoughts away, as they still relate to Clive. Maybe he could give you one more sword lesson before he left. You stepped around, parrying an imaginary strike. What would you do without magic? You relied on it quite heavily since you obtained it. Maybe it was a matter of just getting used to the regular you again. You stabbed your invisible enemy. Maybe in the future you were strong enough to handle Dio. At the moment that seemed quite far off. Your muscle mass was decreasing from your lack of training and outside missions. You hated it, but there was also comfort in the fact that you were still contributing to the Hideaway enough. “...Hey Y/N.” You immediately hid the sword behind your back, turning to Gav.

“Hey Gav! Did you just get back?” He'd stood in the doorway, a stack of papers in hand.

“Yeah, with some new work for you. And don't worry, I won't tell Clive about your practice.”

“Much appreciated.” You replied, exhaling the breath you were holding.

“Clive also has written a missive.” Gav wiggled his eyebrows.

“Huh?”

“Yeah I met up with ‘m, and he asked me to pass it along.”

“How did it go?” You replied, putting away your sword.

“Chaotic. Runs on the crystals are starting riots, and the cursebreakers are doing everything to keep the peace. Meanwhile Bearers…” He sighed. “We're holding on.” He saw your face and grinned. “We're doin’ pretty good in these circumstances.”

“...Alright. I'll have to step up too. Hand me those papers. Let me know if I can make you food.” You replied, feeling like you were okay enough to do more than reading and writing.

“How about dinner later?” He asked. “I'll be leaving again tomorrow.”

“Yes, I'll join you! Let's catch up then.” You replied, receiving the papers from Gav. The moment he left the room, you opened Clive's letter.

“My Dearest,”

That was an opening. One that made your cheeks hot. “Not a scribe he says…” You sighed with a smile. 

“Contrary to what Gav might say, everything is going well. Jill and I have successfully managed to dispatch aetherfloods, and supported the neighbouring cities until Origin is wiped out. Although times are tough, the people that know me well are saying that I'm smiling more. I can only credit you for that. Since our fateful night on the beach in Waloed, I've changed. Your love is exhilarating. Thinking about you makes me happy, even though we are apart. I cannot wait to embrace you again. Please take care in my absence, I will be with you soon.

My love for you is forevermore,

Clive Rosfield

P.S. Go easy on the sword practice.

In total, not a lot of text. But the words on this paper turned your legs into jelly and your mind a mess. You sat down on the chair closest to you. Gavs monologue came to mind. You feel your eyes glaze over, and grin. “Not a scribe my ass.” 

My love for you is forevermore too, Clive.

You blinked a few times more, and took a few deep breaths before the letter gave you another heart stupor. 

Wait… how does he know I practice?!

Chapter Text

“You're back.” You greeted Clive with a wide smile. You'd been waiting for him with Otto on the docks, as you were sure he was going to report to him first.

“She's been pacing around me for an hour now.” Otto sighed, throwing you under the boat.

“Otto! I wasn't-” You shot him a look, surprised he would snitch on you. Of course you had been looking forward to seeing Clive again. It's not like you had an exact time of when he would come back with Jill, and you had no other allowed tasks at the moment.

“Kid, no one minds.” Otto tried, seeing you wanted to play it cool.

Clive watched the two of you bickering friendly, before he got impatient. “Can I please give my report?” Clive eventually interrupted, a tired smile on his face. He was exhausted, and needed to check in with Tarja. Jill had already gone ahead, and he had a couple of bruises and cuts that could use healing. But most of all, he wanted to be with you.

“Oh. Yeah. I'll be at the Tub & Crown.” You replied, giving him a final smile before scurrying off. You seemed to be getting better, Clive noticed. 

...

You got a drink to pass the time as you sat down. It didn't take long before you saw the man clad in red and black approach you. You observed him with an amused smile on your face. He was in a hurry. When he was close enough he checked your tankard. Half full still. “Mind finishing quickly? I'd like to give my report to you in private.” Clive whispered when he got in earshot. He wore a friendly, regular smile like he didn't just imply something naughty.

“So shrewd, Lord Rosfield.” You grinned, downing your glass in three big gulps. 

He didn't reply, and you followed him to his chambers. The stairs were still a workout, but you were able to get to the top before taking a moment to catch your breath. Clive smiled approvingly, opening the door for you. You stepped in, sauntering over to the desk. You purposely sat on his spot, unable to withhold a smirk. “Well, how about that report, my dear Cid?”

Clive had closed the door, shaking his head with a smile on his lips. “You're too far away, love.”

“Oh am I? You may approach, my Lord.” You leaned forward resting your head on your hand.

Clive removed the sword from his back, setting it against the wall. “I will.” Clive met your gaze, as he moved over to you, sitting on the desk, his upper body twisting towards you. His hand reached for your chin, moving it up so he could gently press his lips against yours. He was warm, the scruff on his jaw tingling your skin. “I see you've been doing great work.” He noticed having checked the neatly ordered papers, after moving back again slightly.

“Least I could do. There was one missive though, that I haven't answered yet.” You replied, your eyes resting on his face.

“Oh, which one? Should I answer it?” Clive replied, ready to take the missive off your hands.

You chuckled, standing up. “My Dearest…” You started, and Clive perked up. He knew which letter you were getting at, and he blushed. “My love for you is forevermore.” You continued, circled around the desk and now standing in front of him. Clive had followed you, twisting back, his gaze on you from slightly higher, still sitting on the desk. In a bold move, you pushed his knees apart, making space for you to get closer. You stood on your toes to reach the crook of his neck, your teeth scraping before pressing kisses on his supple skin. You coaxed a low moan from Clive, his hands grabbing your wrists. Your hands were on his thighs as you lowered to his collarbone. You kept him in place like that, kissing and lightly sucking his skin.

His breath hitched in his throat. “S-Sweetheart, any more and I'll-” You moved back, looking back at him. Both your faces flushed, and you let his thighs go. You had to stop, not in the clear yet to go any further. Clive got off the desk, running a hand through his hair.

You bite your lip. “Sorry. I forgot.” You apologized, seeing him adjusting his pants. His leather pants however, hid nothing. “How do you usually do that?” You asked curiously, staring at his groin.

“Are you seriously asking me how I hide an erection?” Clive replied, a strained smile on his face.

You shrugged. “I don't have them.”

He chuckled. “Well, this conversation certainly helps. Please tell me more.” Clive jokes, a smirk on his face.

Jokes on him, you were having way too much fun with this. “I think I'd fuck your brains out if I had a cock.” You pretended like you could vividly imagine it. It seems Lord Rosfield could imagine it as well. His cheeks were once again crimson, and you grinned. “In the dark of night, you'd hang over the balcony while I'd make you see stars.” Oh how you loved the shock on his face. The duality of your jokes is totally not lost on him.

“You give me the impression that it's not the first time you fantasize about it.” Clive gulped, eyes on you. That erection was certainly not going anywhere.

“You think? I look at you and it just comes to me naturally. Can't help it. Especially if you write me such a letter. Which was wonderful by the way.” You stepped forward, giving him a hug. “I love you too Clive, I can't get you out of my mind.” You wiggled your knee in between his legs, brushing his bulge. The final assault.

“Fuck. You're a villain.” He whispered in your ear, pulling you flush against him. “Bully me all you want, just remember who you're giving ideas to.” He continued, kissing your hair. You shivered, as his hands squeezed your ass firmly. You smirked in his chest.

“Ideas? You put stargazing on the list.” You replied, moving your hands from his back to his waist.

“Don't play coy with me, sweetheart. You’re trying to rile me up, but I'll not give it to you today. Imagine you getting another heart attack because I made you cum.” He moved his head just slightly closer to your ear, his hot breath tingling on the side of your face. “Over, and over again, until your pretty lips are unable to utter coherent words.” You couldn't help but groan. The filthy words rolling off his lips twisted your guts and made you want to surrender to him immediately. Instead, you let go of him, as he did of you.

“Heh. I'll guess I have to wait. I didn't know you were so filthy, Clive.”

He gave you a smile, so casual that it surprised you. “I never said I was a saint, Y/N.” 

—

You never made it in time. Today was the day that Clive, Joshua, and Dion were going to destroy Origin. You were still recovering, and were not allowed to do anything more strenuous than a little gardening and a couple of stairs. A steamy, filth filled night was not in the cards for you and Clive. You didn't mind. Last week you had enjoyed each other's company as much as possible and you knew this moment had been approaching. That didn't make it any less painful. Sleep had been elusive, and you'd be lying if you weren't anxious. Every person living in the Hideaway was currently gathered at the entrance, close to the elevator. Joshua was hugging Jill, and Clive was talking to Gav. 

“From here on out, you're the next Cid.” Clive said, his hands on Gav's shoulders.

“Me? Are you sure?”

“Not a doubt in my mind. I do recommend a certain capable scout as your assistant.” Clive replied with a grin.

Gav smirked. “You've been depending on her quite a lot the last months, I'll definitely consider it.” 

Dion stood awkwardly at the side. He was the only one joining with a weakened Eikon. His mind was made up, and you were jealous of him that he was able to join. Still, there was an aura about him that he had no plans of coming back. Joshua appeared in front of you. In the end, there were not a lot of conversations you had with him. “I wish you all the best out there, Joshua.” You managed to say. Your throat has been dry since morning.

He pulled you into a hug, something the Rosfield brothers had in common. “You too, Y/N.” There was more he wanted to say, but refrained from doing so. Lastly, Clive stood in front of you. He took your hands in his, a warm, wry smile on his face. Gav and Jill were behind you, and you heard Jill sob quietly. There was a solemn aura hanging in the air.

“I'm sorry.” Clive started. “We never went stargazing.” If he meant the actual thing or the sex, you couldn't read it on his face.

“Yeah…” You stepped closer to hug him, wishing you could stop time right here to make this moment last forever. Something in you screamed that you weren't going to see him again. That you would never feel the touch of his lips on your skin. Or his fingers playing with your hair. “I'm sorry too.” You whispered in his chest.

“For what?” He replied, pressing his usual kiss on your hair.

“Not supporting you as much as I should have. And for almost getting you killed. And not having filthy sex with you before you go.” You whispered, so that the others couldn't hear.

He pulled back slightly. “You've been -and still are- my light in the darkness. You and Prometheus have been with me every step of the way.” He caressed your hair, smiling at you like you were the only one there. “I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for you, and I'm eternally grateful. Please know that, Y/N.”

You nodded, a wry smile on your face. You felt better, even though the dark cloud was still hanging over you. You were unable to freeze time. “I have something for you before you go.” You said, taking out something from your pocket. “Take off your glove.” You tapped his left hand, and Clive did as you asked, a puzzled look on his face. He wasn't expecting anything. You hoped your little gift could give him strength when times were dire. You took Clive's hand, sliding an iron ring with gold plating around his pinky. “Remember when you played my bodyguard, and I bought some jewelry to play the fancy merchant?” You chuckled, a strained smile on your face. You figured if it was a bit too big for your ring finger, it would fit his pinky. You'd kept the jewelry. Even though you had hurled your pouch against the wall in Clive's chambers, the jewelry had survived. It was a sign for you. Clive had fallen silent, his eyes wide. “It's nothing special, but I hope it can give you strength when you need it. That it'll remind you of me, that… I'll be with you until the end of the world.” The words rolled off your tongue, your deepest thoughts bubbling to the surface. He might not hear them another time. You saw his eyes glaze over, and you looked at him in surprise. “W-was that too intense?” You stuttered, not wanting to make him cry in front of everyone.

“... I didn't see this coming at all.” Clive replied, his voice unsteady. “When I'm back, I'll have to give you a ring too.” His cheeks were tinged pink, and he had the most radiant smile on his face.

“Don't worry? It's just a simple-” You were slightly confused. He didn't have to give you a ring because you did so. Yours was not even expensive. 

Gav sighed, and Jill shook her head. “All these years these two have been dancin’ around each other, and this is the proposal we're gettin’?”

“I'm sure Y/N isn't even aware of what she did just now.” Jill replied.

“Ugh.” Gav threw his hands up in the air. “Congrats Lady Rosfield!” He shouted, clapping loudly. Jill smirked when your head whipped towards them in shock, and she started clapping too. And within seconds, everyone was cheering and clapping for the two of you. Anything to divert from the inevitable.

“Oh.” Your mouth fell open, as your face flushed. 

Oh. I thought it only counted like that when you put it on the ring finger. That's what the books show. Well... there is nothing I can do about it now.

“I'll treasure it.” Clive replied, pulling you in for a kiss. You welcomed it, not dwelling on the ‘Lady Rosfield’ part. Opening your mouth, you allowed Clive to deepen the kiss. His hand on your lower back made your muscles tense. Your hands were holding his shoulders, and you squeezed them slightly. Clive's height advantage made him win the battle of dominance in your mouth, and both of you pulled back eventually. It was time to say goodbye. Clive put his glove back on.

“Good luck.” Were the final words you had for him.

“Take care, my love.” A final kiss on your forehead before he turned around. You watched the three of them leap off the edge, Bahamut taking to the skies. 

—

“.... I didn't know you and my nephew were thinking about marriage.” Byron stood next to you, a solemn smile on his face.

You scratched your head awkwardly. “We didn't. I wasn't planning on proposing, but it turns out this stupid move wasn't a mistake.” You smiled widely, your cheeks still warm.

“Oh?” He grinned. “That explains some missing pieces in my mind.” You both stared into the distance, until Bahamut was out of sight.

“Uhm. I can assume he told you about us then?” You asked, surprised.

“Girl, he wouldn't shut up.” Byron grinned. You closed your mouth, realizing that it was hanging open. “I'm leaving for Port Isolde soon,” Byron continued. “When my nephew returns, I'd like to invite you over.” 

‘When’ he returns. I can only hope that's the case.

“Sure. That would certainly be nice.” You said politely. It felt a far away activity, seeing that you weren't even in the clear yet for strenuous activity. It seemed written on your face.

“You could also recover at my house, if you feel that would help.” Byron then suggested.

“Uhm?” You gave him a puzzled look.

“That's a great idea, Lord Rosfield.” Gav replied for you, joining the conversation. You looked at the blonde, raising your eyebrow. “Don't gimme that look, Y/N. A change of place can help with your recovery.”

“You want to get rid of me? Is that it?” You crossed your arms in mock offense.

Gav rolled his eyes. “Of course not, Clive even recommended you to continue helping with missives, even though I'll need you as one of our best scouts out there.”

“F-Flattery will get you nowhere.”

Gav smirked in response, clapping you on your shoulder in a friendly manner. “Give it some thought.”

Byron smiled. “I would of course ask for your skills too.” He added, seeing that you could be convinced with that.

Your gaze switched between the two. “Well, if you insist… I suppose I can be effective in Port Isolde.” Further away from Dhalmekia would be an added bonus. In your current state you wouldn't even last against a common thief.

“Wonderful! I'll send a stolas when I've sorted out your accommodation.” It sounded fancy, and you smiled a little awkwardly.

“Please, just a bed to sleep in is enough. I wouldn't ask for more.” You replied. Byron nodded, he was going to do what he had in mind anyway. 

Chapter Text

The day was spent finding distractions. You were shooed away from the gardens, the kitchen, and even Clive's chambers. Gav insisted that this was not a day to be working. He was right, but still. You tried looking for Jill, but she and Torgal were nowhere to be found. 

Until the sun set. And she and Torgal appeared, Jill standing next to you as you were looking up at the starry sky. You weren't going to ask where she'd been. Everyone was on edge with the situation, and you wanted to be nearby the others. The sole reason why you were not at the edge of the docks, dangling your legs over the blighted water. “You know, I've never really cared about the stars.” You started, eyes still on the sky. “I don't know many constellations, and wouldn't be able to find my way back here in the dark.” Jill glanced over at you, listening to your provided distraction. “But I'd give anything to stare at these skies forever with you and Clive. Right now.”

“...I feel the same.” Jill replied, a tiny smile on her lips. You both stood like that for a moment. Jill clasped her hands, silently praying. It was eerily silent. A feeling of uneasiness crept up on you. And then you realized that was Prometheus. Your eyes turned silver, and you felt the Eikon’s power surge through you. Jill gasped, unaware of what was going on with you. Her gaze was on the sky, as she saw a star disappear. “...Oh…” Her voice fell, and her eyes glazed over.

When you closed your eyes, you saw Prometheus in front of you. Full draconic black armor, red menacing eyes and a maddening grin. You were floating in front of him, and you were extremely small compared to the huge Eikon. He shrunk to your size before taking off the helmet. That had never happened before. Your eyes widened in shock when beneath the helmet revealed a familiar face. “C-Clive?!” He didn't reply, reaching out his armored arm. You reached out to him, briefly holding each other's under arm up until the elbow. There was a smile on his face. He looked ethereal. He moved forward, touching your foreheads together briefly. A flash of light brought you back to reality. Prometheus was gone. Jill was in your arms, sobbing as she held you tightly. Your eyes were dry, and it felt like someone just punched a hole in your chest. A huge gaping see-through hole where your heart was supposed to be. The tears just wouldn't come. You stood frozen in place, eyes cast on the sky. Your arms slowly enveloped Jill as you returned her hug. Torgal was howling. More and more people gathered, all feeling the same. Origin was destroyed, but at the cost of Clive, Joshua, and Dion’s lives.

Jill's tears soaked your shirt. You held her tightly, the moment feeling unreal. Feet frozen to the ground. Legs filled with lead. A bad nightmare. You could wake up next to Clive any moment. Any moment now. “How come…” Your voice was slow. You felt cheated. Defeated and angry. “..Losing a loved one hurts so bad? Why pour your love and trust into someone, when it hurts so much when you lose them?” This never happened to you before. This kind of pain was new. You had been whipped, starved, and almost killed yourself, but none hurt nearly as much as this.

Jill looked up at you. She took a moment to process what you were saying. “...The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.” She squeezed your upper arms with her hands. There was a hint of understanding and pity with how you felt. “You love him. Life without Clive and Joshua will be tough, and we all need time to heal from it. But wouldn't life have been less beautiful without them there? Are they not worth the pain?” You fell silent. Her tear stained eyes rested on you, her hands still holding you. She mustered up a smile, and you felt guilty. This was not the time to fall apart. She had just lost two of her lifelong friends, known them for longer than you too. You pulled her against you again.

“We’re going to be okay.” You muttered. You hoped that was the case. Jill hugged you tightly. You stood like that for a while, your world slowly crumbling. Even when Jill went off to bed, you were wide awake. 

I've become such a crybaby. Why aren't the tears coming?

Your legs dangled off the docks. You remembered sitting here with Clive. The crestfallen look on his face when you couldn't say what you were probably feeling at the time. You let yourself fall back, back on the wooden docks, staring at the sky. So much has happened. After everything, you now felt so utterly alone. Clive was gone. You'd never feel his fingers on your skin, his words falling on your ears, just for you to hear. You gritted your teeth. His smile, you already missed that. The hole in your chest was heavy, expanding and dark. Your hair cascaded on the docks as you gaze at the sky. You didn't have the energy to keep upright. Since your heart attack your hair has been loose. Only when you were out would you make a neat high ponytail so it wouldn't get in the way. Now you were just annoyed by it. Too much effort better spent elsewhere. You propped yourself up, a spark of inspiration hitting you. “Clive wouldn't want me sulking here. I need to be better. He can inspire me.” 

....

So you got to work. Took a pair of scissors and got rid of your excessive hair. Back to chin length. You stared at the dye, currently sitting on a stool in the bathing chambers. There was no one around at this time. You needed to change, and looks were just a helpful tool. Fake it until your mask was created and you became this person. So you could go on while you actually wanted to lie down and cry. You rolled your shoulders, and grabbed the brush, dipped in dye. Used on clothes, but adjusted slightly to get rid of your white hair. It would hide you better from Dio. One final look before you were starting a new chapter.

Later that day when the sun was out, and the sky blue as it was supposed to be, you visited Hortense. “I need your help with making something.” She needed a double take before she recognized you.

“Y/N?” You nodded. “Founder, I almost didn't recognize you with the black hair. What do you need?”

“A coat. With inside pockets.” You had something in mind, and together with Hortense, you sat on her drawing table until her eyes started to twinkle.

“Yes. I'll get to work right away. Bring the design to Blackthorne as well, he can work on the shoulders.” 

Blackthorne raised his eyebrow at you. “Are you going through puberty?”

You rolled your eyes in return. “Listen old man, I got tired of the long hair, and I don't want the ones who attacked me last time to do so again while I'm no longer a Dominant and still recovering.” You explained.

“Fair enough. Just wanted to check if you still got your head on your shoulders.” It was probably his way of checking on you.

“It is. Thanks for checking.”

“Alright, come back in a few days.” 

Next up was Tarja. She looked tired, but still cool as usual. “How are you doing?” She asked before you could.

“Better.” It wasn't even a lie. Physically, you were. Mentally you were pushing a balloon underwater. Right now you had to be there for Gav. Someone dependable.

Tarja gave you a quick checkup. “You're cleared for physical activity.” She said rather solemnly. You assumed she would've preferred you to stay here with the missives for a while longer. However, you were needed elsewhere. “Take it easy though. Don't go all out, build it up.”

“Okay. I got another question though.” You replied, looking up at her from the infirmary bed. “Is there anything you can do about the scar on my face?”

“As in?” It always surprised you how Clive thought you were beautiful. You weren't hideous, you were well aware to use your strengths when needed. However, with a quarter of your face having roughed up skin, you never thought about something serious like love. The scarred skin never healed nicely, with botched patches from multiple punches and hits.

“Make it like a monster attack instead of a ‘I got fucked up by a human’ scar.” Tarja half expected you for a clean up job. Which was half of the job, but then to make it bigger and slightly more horrendous.

Tarja raised her eyebrow at you. “How about we heal up the skin and do two diagonal cuts?” She suggested. “Hang on, why do you want this anyway? Cleaning up is fine, while it's not like you need it, to be honest.” She eyed you. “Identity crisis? Not because of Clive I hope?” Worry was written on her face as she sat down next to you. Her hand was gentle on your shoulder. You looked at your knees.

“I need to change. I don't want Dio and Trevor on me again without me being ready for them. I want to be better, Tarja.” Your gaze shifted to her. Her eyes widened, as your puppy eyes were a straight up copy from Clive. “A change of looks is easiest to achieve.” You concluded.

“Come back tomorrow. I'll prepare for the surgery. It's going to hurt, Y/N. Are you sure you want this? Because I feel like I need to say it again, you are beautiful as you are.” You nodded, a wry smile on your face.

“I'll see you tomorrow Tarja. Thanks for your help.” 

Your last stop of the day was in Clive's chambers. Gav was sitting behind the desk. “Hey Gav.” With Edda bearing a child, the man didn't have much sleep. That made two of you, but for different reasons. And there was no excitement for taking up the Cid mantle.

“Hey Y/N. How are you?” 

Hah. They all ask me that. It's me who should be asking that.

“Could be better.” You admitted. “And you?”

He chuckled. “Same. What brings you here? Anything of Clive's old stuff you want to have?” It seems you were the only one that was thinking about work.

“Is there anything? I wasn't aware.” You replied, raising your eyebrows.

“His wardrobe, mostly his white shirts.” You could understand Gav wanting to keep Clive's gathered keepsakes here. They were behind him on display.

“I'm… okay with leaving as is. I don't fit his shirts anyway.” You said with a strained smile, not knowing where to put your hands. Sleeping in his shirts wouldn't help you either. Gav gave you a wry smile in return. “I was here for work actually. I need a few more days, but I should be fit for whatever you need next week.” You informed, happily switching topics.

“Alright. I would've liked to let you rest for longer, but I could use the help. I'll be in Sanbreque tomorrow, and Jill will assist in Dhalmekia. Without magick, we are the only ones who can help people out by sharing our knowledge.” Gav explained. “I'd like you to join Lord Byron in Port Isolde to assist with the restoration of Rosaria. He mentioned our presence could already boost morale.” It sounded too important to be handled by you. Still, you weren't going to disappoint him.

“Since a stolas is out of the picture, should I just come back after a few weeks?” You asked.

Gav nodded. “Yeah, a month should be good, we can update each other then.” He still looked at you with a wry smile. The bags under his eyes were visible, but you refrained from mentioning it. “I'm counting on you.” You nodded in response, a serious expression on your face. 

...

Everything about the Hideaway reminded you of Clive. In a way, you were happy to get out of it for a while. Your mind was torturing you with dreams of him, and you shot up from your makeshift bed in the barracks. You made your way over to Tarja for the surgery. Focussing on physical pain might be better. To say you were having a difficult time was an understatement. Among people you could hold out, pretending like it was business as usual. Eagerness to help distracts you. But when the door closed and your body got under the covers, that hole in your chest was the heaviest. As if you were drowning. In black sludge, gnawing at your skin.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Tarja asked for a final time.

“Yes.” You replied, without a doubt in your mind.

“I have limited painkillers. It’s going to hurt.” She tried, hoping you would waver.

“As long as you don’t mess up my eyesight, I’m good with whatever.” Were you punishing yourself? You were unsure.

Tarja gave you a tonic, as she put your hair out of your face. “Bite on this, hands on the headboard.” You did as she instructed, biting down on a wooden stick to keep you from biting your tongue. 

Otto stood frozen in front of the infirmary. Tarja had warned what you were up to. ‘She’s old and mature enough to do what she thinks is right’. He’d said to her. But that harrowing scream that pierces his ears, made him reel. He’d often hear screams from there when bearers had their scars removed. He wouldn’t say he was used to it, but it wouldn’t stop him from working. Yours however, had him frozen on the spot. He had grown to care for you in the past years. “Kid….” He gritted his teeth before turning away to resume his work. “I hope you know what you're doing…”

—

Tarja woke you up with some smelling salts. You scrunch your nose, immediately feeling your skin pull a little. She held up a mirror to your face, a small smile on her lips. You looked at yourself, surprised at how the change affected you. The botched, sturdy skin was replaced. You touched your new scars, looking like a coeurl had slashed you with his claws. Even without magick, Tarja was a talented healer. The lines started from above your eyebrow until halfway your cheek. “I must admit, you look good.” Tarja commented, pleased with her work. You chuckled.

“Thanks Tarja. I have you to thank for that. It does look great.” You still recognized yourself, but this definitely changed you a little. “I maybe should’ve done this sooner.”

“Hah. I wouldn’t have gone along with this if it was just for looks, Y/N.” Tarja replied, shaking her head.

You shrugged. “Fair.” 

The next few days you worked closely with Hortense and Blackthorne in getting your coat finished. You also made time to instruct cursebreakers and bearers on disarming knife carrying thieves on Gav’s request. Instructing wasn't something you were particularly good at. You were slightly awkward in front of a group. But most cursebreakers were good people, and eager to learn. Eager to disarm you. Again. And again. Until they all got the hang of it, and you were out of breath.

“I took the liberty of adding an extra plate on one inside for protection.” Blackthorne started when you put on your coat. It was Rosfield red, armored shoulders and protection for your vitals on the inside. The sleeves were a bit wider at the end, with plenty of pockets and clips to hide weapons inside. The edges of the coat were also adorned with steel to keep the coat in place while fighting. You wouldn’t want the calf length coat to flap in your face. You stored your daggers in the sleeves, and smiled at the result.

“It’s perfect." Blackthorne grinned.

“Of course. And,” He shoved something else forward on the anvil. It was a sheathed sword. You gave him a puzzled look. “That secondhand sword won’t do anymore. Courtesy of Otto.” You hesitated, no idea why you deserved this. “Go on, don’t make me wait.” Blackthorne commented, raising an eyebrow. You nodded, taking the sheath and pulling out the sword with your other hand. Your eyes widened at the weapon in your hand. The edge of the hilt was red, halfway changing into black. The cross-guard was a dark metal, again with red metallic edges, with delicate gold inlays all over. The blade itself was straight, sized to your length, and perfectly balanced in your hand. Blackthorne grinned when he saw you examine the weapon with shock and awe.

“Otto asked you to make this? For me?” You stammered.

“Don’t make me repeat myself girl. Take it, and do some good with it.” Blackthorne replied, satisfied with his work. 

—

You finished up some missives on Gav’s behalf, so that he had less work when he came back. It was time for you to leave for Port Isolde even though you hadn’t had the chance to talk with Otto yet. The man was busier than ever, and you seemed to miss him every time. The sword at your hip and the coat on your shoulders made you feel like a different person. Bigger than you actually were. When you stepped inside of Obolus’s skiff, you had a dumb grin on your face. “Time to get to work.”

Chapter Text

He had no idea where he was or how he’d gotten here. Clive stared up at the starry sky. A full moon, providing a final light. His body was aching, and he couldn’t move. He had trouble keeping his eyes open, his breathing heavy. “Nnngh.” He lifted his left hand, completely turned to stone until his elbow. Calm waters pushed up until his thighs, before backing away. He couldn’t feel the cold water on his skin. The realization hit him that he was not going to leave this beach. Wherever he may be, this was going to be his final resting place. A wry smile appeared on his face. So many things he still wished to do. It would’ve been a dream come true, marrying you. Instead, fate had different plans for him. He had saved the world, and it came at a cost. The fire in his fingers faded, his Eikon leaving him. His limbs soon followed. “Y/N… I’m sorry.”

He sighed, and closed his eyes. Tears were welling up, and he tried to blink them away. His body had betrayed him, turned to stone up until his waist. His left arm was gone. He hated to admit it, but his final moments were lonely. Joshua was gone, just like Dion. He was here all by himself, waiting to die. His breath hitched, as his chest slowly, but surely turned to stone. Would you have stopped him from doing this if you were there? Probably not, you knew the risks. He imagined you with him. Holding his hand. The thought pained him. This had to be done. He was the only one who could’ve. He was destined to die on this beach. Destined to save Valisthea, on his own terms. He growled. A flash of light made him open his eyes. Prometheus floated above him, huge in his appearance, his white detailed armor shining in the moonlight.

Confused, Clive watched as the Eikon took off his helmet. Silvery white hair cascaded down, revealing your face. “...Y/N…” Clive uttered with difficulty. He could slightly move his head still. The helm faded, as Prometheus shrunk to his size before a white armored hand was placed on his stone-bound chest. Clive couldn’t reach out to meet you. The curse reached his throat, as he groaned in pain. Tears escaped him, dripping down his temples. Your smile made him feel more at ease in his final moments. You had followed him until the end, like you promised. A small smile appeared on his lips. Another white flash, as silver energy engulfed him. Warmth spread through Clive’s body, originating from his chest, to his toes back to the crown of his head. And it did so multiple times. Until he felt the curse retreat.”....” It creeped back to his shoulders. Feeling returned to his toes. His right arm twitched. Filled with sudden adrenaline, Clive propped himself up. He carefully watched the stoned skin return to normal.

Was this really happening? Maybe he was hallucinating. The curse retreated further, his upper left arm returned to the rest of his body. Until the grey skin fully receded to his pinky. Clive stared with eyes widened seeing color return to his hand. “....” He watched in awe. His pinky was still stone, the digit heavier than the others. The ring you had given him was still there. As if holding the curse at bay. He clenched his fists, that sole pinky not doing what he wanted. Still, he smiled. “It seems you had other plans for me.” 

—

“Y/N, is that you?”

“Ah. Lord Rosfield. Yeah it’s me.” You replied, just arriving at his estate. You lowered the hood of your onyx cloak.

“Quite the change of looks. It suits you!” It felt like a waste to greet you personally, but that was exactly what the man in front of you was doing. He had a wry smile on his face, and the absence of his nephews was weighing heavily on him. You shared the sentiment. “Welcome to my abode, Y/N. Let me show you around first before I’ll explain exactly why you’re here.” 

...

Byron showed you a dining room, which was as large as the whole Tub & Crown by itself. The living room was no different. His workspace was huge, everything neatly organized and presented. You even got your own room for the time being, which was larger than Clive’s old chambers. “I…” You stammered at the sheer size of it. You didn’t need a training pit with a room like this.

“You don’t like it?” Byron asked.

“I-I do! I’m just not used to such a big space.” After getting a lay of the land, you were eager to get to work. Much to Byron’s dismay. 

“Girl, you’re also here to recover, remember? Why not take a rest first?” He asked, rather worried to put you to work after your travels. Rolling your aching shoulders, you decided you’d rather work. Being on your own with your thoughts was not something you’d come to appreciate since Clive was gone.

“How about we go over the papers Blackthorne prepared?” You suggested.

“Alright, but first, a hearty meal.” Byron compromised, and you gave him a small smile. 

...

You could eat with this man and his right hand -a fancy man named Rutherford- without a problem. Thanks to Clive. Small talk you could do. The peculiar Rosarian spices penetrated your nose, different from the Dhalmekian spices you're used to. Even at the Hideaway you often used some extra familiar spices for familiarity. Rosarian food was less spicy. Foreign. Just like you were here now. The fork in your hand was made of silver. Not worthy of your hand, but you held it anyway. Like Clive had shown you, when you had asked sometime later after that messy dinner. He'd laughed at you then, but instructed you anyway. Holding your hand all the while. A memory forgotten, now resurfacing because he was no longer there. A sigh escaped your lips.

“It's a shame my nephew could never give a proper answer to your proposal.” As if the man in front of you could read your mind. Perhaps the outlaw was just as present in his mind.

“It's okay. Apparently it was not meant to be.” A smile that didn't reach your eyes.

“You really think so?” The question swerved you right back to the place you didn't want to be. Byron Rosfield had no trouble posing the question, seeing you were his guest. Nobility was shrewd, no surprises there. You took the still untouched napkin on your side to gently dip your mouth to remove any imperfections. You leaned back against the smooth hardwood chair.

“Has he told you how he met me?” You asked. As expected, he shook his head. “Good.” You stared directly into his eyes. “He and his predecessor saved me when I was branded a traitor in a Thieves den. Doesn't really sell as a good base for a relationship.”

Amused, Byron smiled. He proceeded his dinner by taking a well measured vegetable between his teeth. After swallowing, he met your gaze. “I've seen nobles elope with branded. Anything should be possible in this world.”

“I accidentally fell in love.” You admitted. It was never meant to happen. And you could now conclude that it wasn't meant to be. Instead of relief, it just made you an empty shell. “I think I swept him along.” A thought that had been sitting in your mind. “He deserved better.” You picked up your cutlery again, like you just hadn't shared what you had been repressing for a while. Everyone had their share of baggage. A traumatizing past that you keep dragging with you in some way or another. Yours was a giant sandcastle filled with holes and insecurities. Your teeth gnawed the meat in your mouth, as if chewing could distract you from the puzzling look Byron gave you. Rutherford had kept quiet, not intending to mingle.

“Better? Who did you have in mind?” Byron asked.

“Jill.”

“That was fast.”

“A match made by Greagor.”

“Family wise, yes.”

“So I've heard.” You quipped, the information old in your ears. “Would've been different if I wasn't there.”

“You seem pretty sure of yourself.” Byron replied, rather surprised. There was still that amusing smile on his face. His hand reached for his goblet of wine, swirling it a few times before drinking. The self deprecating smile came naturally to you. Weak.

“I have eyes, Lord Rosfield. People can deny all they want, but mutual attraction between people that have known each other since they were little was quite obvious.” You fell silent. “I should've been there more for her. She just lost both of her precious people.” You gritted your teeth.

“If you must know, I have eyes too.” Byron replied, resting his grey pupils back on you. “He fought tooth and nail to get you back from the Einherjar.” This conversation is pointless. The fatality of it all made you irritated. Your nails dug into your bandaged hands. You shouldn’t have trained that , but you couldn’t help it.

“Sorry.” You started. “I don't see how that is relevant.” You weren't going to leave the table. “He would've done the same for you. Rutherford here, even. That's the kind of man he was.” Speaking past tense of Clive made your heart heavy. It was a reality you had yet to accept. But accept you must. You managed to take another bite. A gulp of wine to clear the palate. Byron had fallen silent. There was no indication that he was going to speak up. Your own words bit you. You had to let go. 

—

You weren't going to twiddle your thumbs for a moment while you were here. Here meaning a vibrant port full of chaos. No crystals meant no elements available to be used on the fly. Documents and instructions for machinations unbeknownst to you were already handed over to Byron. 

He and his staff could take care of the details. The other members of the influential group in Port Isolde however, weren't happy with these powerful papers, and therefore your presence. Glares bored into your eyes as you stood next to Byron's chair for hours. He was to orchestrate the recovery of the port, and these documents automatically granted him an advantage over the others. As if you cared. Still, he could use the extra protection. Your morning and afternoon were wasted for Founder knows how long. The evenings however, were yours. 

A warm summer breeze passed your exposed skin as you sauntered past the canals. The moon was out tonight, shining its light on your path. 

“Want to come in for a drink, my lady?”

“Eh, how much would that cost? Can I get another mead?”

The streets were lively with drunkards, the sloshed, the wasted. You were fitting right in, not being able to walk straight. Just as you preferred it. Your dampened mind could drift wherever it wanted to go. As long as it didn't linger with a certain outlaw. Your cheeks were hot, a stupid smile on your face as you dragged yourself back to the estate. Fucked up as you were, you could find it easily now after so many nights. Rutherford wasn't even surprised anymore. 

“I see your recovery is going well, my lady. ” The comment stung, and since your decorum was temporarily gone anyway you'd give him a piece of your mind.

“If I had balls, you could suck em, Rudders.” At least you weren't getting wasted on his lord's dime. You found a new venture that could support your habits. Partaking in that sure provided you with everything you need.

-A few days earlier-

Clods of blood disturbed the fluid sand beneath your feet. Time has passed quickly from your last visit. Your hands gripped the oversized cloak on your shoulders, dropping the item in a clean patch of sand. You observed the man in front of you. Broad chested, plenty of scars on his shoulders and arms. A solid jaw, thick black stubble. “It seems someone forgot to train his legs.” You sneered, a grin on your face.

He growled in response, raising his massive arms. “You’re going down.” Jeers and shouts surrounded the sandy pit. It was ironic that the sand beneath your feet was once again your fighting arena. A circle of drunkards looking down at you and your opponent, hoping for a bloody fight. The noise was invigorating, drowning out everything else. 

“Beat her, Hound! I've got my money on you!”

“Prometheus! Show your skills!”

“How about they beat each other to death!”

“Hound got this. Easy!”

A final check. Bandaged fists. Swing your arms, warm up the joints. Filter out the noise. You could say it was a downgrade from the hunting contracts you used to do. The contracts however, you couldn't tackle with a couple of drinks behind your teeth. Breathe in through the nose.

The money was good. If you won at least. You weren't stupid, winning them all was never realistic. There were not a lot of women participating in these anyway. Only Bearers that their masters force them to, now useless without magic. Sometimes they would even go against monsters. You were not a good person. You'd best weakened bearers. If they came at you seriously, you'd take them down. Without looking back. The man in front of you wasn't a bearer. You'd lost your last three matches to men like him. Knocked out in a single hit even. Men were taller. Heavier. Which made betting on you a small chance to get some return on investment. But if you would win, the payout was more than decent. A loud ‘bong’ sounded, indicating the start of another regular evening off the brawling pit. People were jeering, shouting and laughing, excited for the outcome.

Step back. Avoid his swings. Tire him out and strike.

The jaded daggers were as the name could tell, a thief gang specialized in using daggers. To be precise, Dio specialized in daggers. 

You dodged his first attack a hair's breadth away from your nose. You were improving. Both of you took a few moments to get a feel for the other. Try some jabs, close the distance. Sliding in the sand, you ducked under a large swing. You took a few hits to your shoulders as he pushed you back. Regaining your balance, you kicked the inside of his knee. The opponent growled, his target slippery as his counterblow missed. Frustration caused him to overreach. Breathe in.

His giant arm passed over your left shoulder. 

Surprise him. 

A swift kick on his calf to get him completely off balance. 

You struck his stomach with your left fist. “Urhg!” Someone has been drinking too much. And this time it wasn't you.

Aim for weakness.

A hook in his side. Retract and spinning on your left leg, before your right comes up on his jaw. He staggers. 

Uppercut.

Daggers were a close range weapon you picked up under Dio's tutelage. The distance to the opponent was similar. Steel gave you a sense of security that your fists did not. But Founder you were blessed with a fist fighting instinct. Ironic how that works. Your knuckles bashed into the bottom of his jaw as you used your legs as a driver. He was unconscious before his thick head hit the ground. “...Hah. Train your legs next time.” 

—

With enough coin on you, the next remaining weeks you continued the grind. Reading papers. Long stacks with difficult words. Together with Byron, you spent hours and hours in his study. Discussing proceedings. How many people were needed with which expertise. As if you knew. Free hours were spent on the training grounds. Brushing up your skills. Using the sword you got from Otto, destroying wooden sparring partners. Anything to keep you distracted. Anything to keep you from Clive. But as any day, when the sun went down and you were resigned to your room, that hole in your chest was the heaviest. The moment the door closed and you sunk to the floor, the tears would come. Without fail now. Endless. You didn't wish for it. You would do anything to just turn it off. Shut out your heart. You clenched your fists, the exquisite carpet muffling the punches. Your back against the door, head resting. “It was you who filled my head with dreams.” You cried, banging your fists on the floor. “It was you who showed me what freedom means! But it means nothing if-” Your head fell sideways into the carpet, your body falling loosely on your side. “...If you’re not here to enjoy it…” You sobbed, voice cracked as snot ran down your nose, tears streaming down your face. “Then I don't want it.”

—

The final days of the month were spent in continuous work and labour. “My girl, you worry me. You're never resting.” Byron mentioned while you were even reading during the shared lunch you had with him.

“I can't be twiddling my thumbs. I'll be going back tomorrow, so I want to finish as much of your list as I can today.” Rest is for the dead. You replied, quickly giving him a glance before returning to your stack of papers.

“Twiddling your thumbs? In the month that you've been here, you're barely sitting still! You're wanting to do twice the labour of a bearer.”

Of course he was worried. Because even with the amount of time you were putting in, your output wasn't worth mentioning. You carefully dipped your bread in the fresh honey on your plate. Too bad lunch wasn't served with wine. You'd compensate back at the Hideaway. Perhaps that inn on the way back. “We want to see Rosaria restored right? This is the least I can do.” You calmly said after swallowing your food.

Byron was already done eating, not having brought work with him. “Let's spar when you're back, okay? I see you out there every day, I'd like to see how you dare against an old man like me.” Byron tried, catching your attention.

“Spar? With me?” You refrained from raising an eyebrow. It seems the Rosfield family was eager to test their shields. “...Okay, I think that's educational.” 

—

“...Another one.” Your report could wait a bit longer. The Hideaway would wait. You were tanking your drinks, already paid for in advance. You hang your head on the bar counter, a familiar buzz rushing through your body. Tinged cheeks, a grin on your face. The alcohol went straight to your legs, a warm feeling travelling through you. Just what you needed. Traveling made you think. You were tired of thinking. Exhausted. This was your reward. A nice warm feeling in your veins. A heat on your cheeks. Empty sleep. Empty thoughts. Time passed by, a silent storm razing around you. This inn is perfect.

Chapter Text

Obolus was quiet as you stumbled into his boat and passed out as quickly as you touched down. 

Otto was quiet when you passed by him without looking up. Your back hunched, not able to walk a straight line. 

Jill was quiet when you dragged yourself to a stool at the Tub and Crown and immediately downed another drink. She observed you, standing a few feet away. You flashed her a goofy grin. “Hey Jill, what's up?”

“...Are you drunk?” Jill looked at you with worry, approaching. Of course she did.

“Yes.” You replied, shrugging. That grin didn't leave your face. This was your only escape. A moment of rest. At least you didn't let yourself get killed. It was still early in the morning, so Jill's worry wasn't misplaced. Your vision became blurry.

“Did something happen?”

“No.” If you irritated Jill, you weren't aware.

“Did it not go well in Port Isolde?” Why was she asking all these questions?

“It was okay. I didn't do much.”

“Did you let Gav know?” In your defense, these were all closed questions. You stared at your tankard, seeing how much booze you still had left.

You scrunch your nose. Not as much as you'd hoped. “No. Jjjuuust got here.” Your sentences, short as they were, came out incredibly slow and slurred.

“Can you look at me for a bit?” She asked, grabbing your arm. You couldn't see her features clearly, but she did get on your nerves. Perfect as she was, she probably finished her assignments without issue.

“What do you want.” You said irritated, yanking your arm free.

“What I want? Y/N, you've been away for a month and a half! We were getting worried, until uncle Byron sent Rutherford here a week ago that you needed more time to recover. And now you're back, and you can't even stand on your feet!”

 What?

“...Who cares-”

“ We do.” Jill interrupted.

“So what.” You tried to look at Jill, almost falling over.

“We all miss him, you know. Dearly. But this is not the best way to deal with loss.” Jill tried, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder this time. It ticked you off.

“Don't touch me. And what do you know?” Your heartbeat rose, as you got off the stool with difficulty. “I don't need to deal with the loss.” You shook off her hand, trying to get away. She wouldn't let you, holding on tightly.

“Y/N, please.” People were looking, you felt their gazes on you. Fuckers. Was Jill always this strong?

“Let me go. I have nothing to say…to you.”

“...You can't even get-” Jill didn't finish her sentence. Her grip on your arm made you go mad. What were you suppose to do? Admit that you were a failure? Admit that you desperately missed Clive? Hold on to the fact that she cared? Your head fell back slightly as you grinned. After all that you had been through, it was Jill that pushed you into the black sludge that had been creeping up your ankles. That was dragging down your mind. Clouding your vision. Your fist was fast. Or she just didn't make an attempt to block. Your knuckles connected with her jaw, the hit echoing through the bar.

“Hey! What the-” Dorys immediately jumped up.

“Did she just-”

“Jill! Are you okay?!”

You let out a growl. Cursebreakers were disagreeing with you. As if you cared. Now is a good time as ever to let your fists do the work. Your jaw was taut as you raised your fists. Dorys ran towards you, together with Ember. They tried to restrain you. Were you laughing? As you punched Ember in his liver? Backfisted Dorys in her face? You didn't recognize the others that jumped you. Only the rush of adrenaline as you fought with all of them.

—

Chains rattled when you moved your arms. Your vision was still blurry when you opened your eyes, but you knew exactly where you were. You never expected to find yourself here, in exactly this position again, but here we are. You cursed, sitting on your knees with your arms raised and chained to each side of the chamber with manacles. Your coat was gone, but you praised yourself lucky for still wearing clothes this time. You deserved to be here. You’d slugged Jill in the face, and you were pretty sure you beat up multiple cursebreakers for intervening. The blood on your knuckles was obvious enough. “...”

Your head hung low in defeat. You heard footsteps, and the door soon opened, and you saw Gav step inside. He looked conflicted. “You’ve got some nerve, putting me in here.” You sneered, not feeling like yourself. Gav stayed silent, putting your coat and sword on a nearby table. “Why?! Why not kick me out already? I deserve it, don’t I?!” Your voice got louder, as you stood up in desperation, trying to get closer to Gav. “Don’t I?!” You screamed, getting in his face. “I’ll fucking hurt you too, bastard.” You’d beat him until he realized what a monster you were. How your previous lofty ideals were fake, and now that Clive and your Eikon were gone, you were just a selfish asshole again.

“Eh? That seems a bit much don’t you think?” Gav raised an eyebrow at you. You were still drunk, and fell back hopelessly on your ass. You were wheezing, red rimmed eyes, your face looking like a mess.

“I’m not supposed to be here!” You cried out, your voice breaking. “Cid should’ve never taken me from that cave! I only hurt people, and I make things worse!” You crawled back onto your knees, sobbing. “Clive is gone! I’ve had enough of the pain! The dreams! The-” Gav gritted his teeth before he punched you straight on your jaw. You fell back again, chains rattling against the wooden bars behind you. You wept, still thinking that you deserved this.

“Of course this is all going to get worse before it gets better.” Gav started, shaking out his fist. “Clive knew that. We knew that we had to help the people of Valisthea back on their feet. That includes you. Teaching them how to live without magic.” You didn’t look at him, your breathing still hitched. “Naturally that wasn’t going to go smoothly. Y/N. If you fall, the only thing you have to do is get back up and try again. It’s not goin’ to be easy.” He undid the chains on your wrists as you let yourself fall on the floor. “Now get back up and try again. Clive wouldn’t want you to cling to the past. None of us want that for you.” Gav gave you a wry smile before he left, leaving you sobbing on the dungeon floor. 

—-

Sobered up, you sat on your usual spot on the docks. You avoided everyone on your way there, and ignored the looks that you got, hanging your head low. The three that had pulled you off Jill had spared you a battered face. You gritted your teeth in shame. “What have I done…” Would Jill have mercy on you? You’d have to face reality and talk to her eventually. Sitting in your favorite place in Valisthea, and even then you were lost, and more depressed than ever. 

“I didn't expect you to go on a drunken rampage. That's more of a Cid thing.” Otto appeared next to you on the pier. You both stared off into the distance.

“Hah. That almost makes it acceptable.” You replied, wryly. The hand on your shoulder was welcome. Just like the late afternoon sun on your face. It had all happened so quickly. So terribly easy. To let yourself go like that. Give in to the anger. The sadness. Push it back and wait to explode.

“I think for just this once.” Otto replied. “Because they forgive you. All of them. Jill asked me to reach out to you first.”

“...They shouldn't.” You uttered, tears already rolling. You quickly wiped them with your bandaged hands. “Fuck. I'm awful.”

“You're human.” Otto lowered himself. “Seeing what you've been through, I'd say you held up pretty well.” He wasn't going to tell you how he dealt with the loss of his wife and son. That was gone and buried. His eyes widened when you pulled him into a hug.

“Thanks Otto. Thanks for being the father I never had.” You held him tightly before you felt his arms wrap around you too.

“S-stop it kid, before you make me do something I haven't done in years.” Too late. His eyes glazed over. No words were said as you embraced each other for a moment. Then a meaningful silence as you shared some time staring off into the distance. You were not alone.

—

“S-stop, Y/N. Please get up.” Currently prostrated on the floor, your forehead pressed against the wooden planks.

“I'm sorry! I'm just so terribly sorry! This isn't how a sister should act-” You sniffed. During the evening, you finally had the courage to go to her chambers. The way to her room seemed endless, but you decided to get on your knees the moment you knocked. You couldn’t face her standing on your feet. Not after what you did.

“It’s okay, Y/N. Please get up.” Jill tried, not sure how to get you on your feet.

“Sorry, I’m making you uncomfortable right? Should I just go?” You tried, voice unsteady. Your hands gripped the wooden floor. You didn’t care this time if people were staring. You were a jerk, and you deserved this.

“No, please, come inside.” Since you didn’t move fast enough for Jill’s liking, she dragged you inside by your arm. Surprised, you looked up. The bruise on her face made you flinch. Dark purple circle on her jaw. You’d hurt many people in your life without batting an eye. This was different. This was like a punch in the gut. You did that. You stayed on your knees, face up, waiting for her to hit you back. She didn’t. You allowed yourself a look in her room. It was secluded from the barracks, and she shared it with Mid. A neatly made up bed on each side of the square room. “You're not making me uncomfortable. It was just a punch. And not even that hard.” Jill says while her eyes are locked on you, a warm smile on her face. 

Not that hard? Wow.

“...” You fall silent. “Even so.” You mutter. She places a hand on your shoulder, lowering herself to match you.

“I accept your apology.” Your eyes widen in surprise.

“Why? How do you know I’m not lying? I-”

“Because I trust you. I trust you to recover from this.” And you believed her when she said that. A heat rose from your chest to your face. Jill’s grey eyes seemed to see right through you, and her smile grew slightly. “Can you promise that you won’t fight the cursebreakers next time?” Your eyes glazed over. She was too kind, her hand softly squeezing your shoulder.

“I promise. Jill, of course I promise. I’ll get over whatever this is.”

—

Clive needed to find you. Every time he closed his eyes, he pictured you. Smiling at him, twisting a dagger in your hands to distract you from the blush on your face. His fingers trembled at the thought of embracing you. At the thought of holding your face in his hands. Clive desperately wants to go home. To see Jill. Gav. Otto. Mid. How many days was he out at sea? Too many, that he knew for sure. His fingers were rigid from holding the ropes of the boat, taut so he didn’t stray from his path. If it was the right one, he had no idea. His skiff was too big for one person to man, but he had to. Drowning was not an option.

—

Today was a new day. Jill helped you with your schedule, and made sure you were busy with valuable tasks around the Hideaway, but not too busy to forgo meals and sleep. You’d tend to the garden together, and you even joined one of her sewing classes. You had to agree it came in handy when your clothes would get damaged. “Nice work today.” Jill smiles at you, and for the first time in a while, you smile back. 

Instructing cursebreakers came next. They were eager to manhandle you in the name of practice, and after you apologized, you took their enthusiasm with grace. “...I’m actually impressed with how good you guys are getting at this.” You state, shoulders aching. “Want to move on to something more difficult?” Disarming was nice and all, but there was more to countering and winning from an expert mercenary. They lined up to fight, swords drawn while you broke out your two daggers. Same style as your new sword, fresh from the anvil. Cole was first, and he looked a little anxious. No wooden swords or daggers this time. “Nervous?” You asked curiously. They were so eager to practice before.

“..I’ll do my best not to hurt you.” He says, unsure if his skill was up to the task. The range of a sword was in most cases advantageous of the dagger.

“I’ll do my best too.” You nod, confident however. Your stamina was getting back, and you just had to move fast. 

…

You spent the better of the day throwing steel around before catching up with Gav. After being patched up by Tarja. “Let me talk you through all of it.” Gav said, more serious than you expected. “And discuss what to do next.”

“You want my opinion on that?” You ask hesitantly. It wasn’t too long ago that you were whining in the dungeon. 

How do they trust me again so easily? It’s amazing, really. 

“Well, Dhalmekia is your area of expertise, adding Port Isolde to that now as well. Not many people handle Lord Rosfield as well as you do.” Gav really knew how to get on your good side, and he gave you a grin as you sat in front of him. In his chambers.

“Fine.” You give him a grin in return.

Chapter Text

The bags under Clive’s eyes were apparent, and Obolus looked like he’d seen a ghost when the pale-faced man boarded the skiff. “I’m okay.” Clive assured, the shoulder length hair and beard a temporary thing.

“You look like shite.” The old man remarked, not knowing what else to say. Clive couldn’t stop tapping his foot, and fidgeted with his cloak the moment he sat down.

“..I know.” It is unlike him, but he was unable to calm down. He had been travelling for ages, it felt like. And now he was almost home. It had taken him so long to find a boat capable of crossing the wide sea. By himself, it had taken forever to control and steer in the right direction. The moment the Hideaway was in sight, he had trouble staying seated.

“You better stay on your ass.” Obolus had warned. As soon as he stepped on the docks, he was set on finding you, eyes darting around the pier. You were not on your usual spot.

Otto had assured him you were here, and came back this morning from your trip. The older man let Clive pass. He’d find him later. Clive was exhausted. It felt like years he had been out on sea, hoping he would one day find his way back here. His shoulders slumped, his blue eyes dimmed. The beard and longer shaggy hair were testament to the time it had taken him to return home. He’d take care of that later. His eyes scanned his surroundings, hoping to catch a glimpse of your white, silvery hair. Your green jacket. Or even better, your smiling eyes. Instead, other people approached him, shaking his hand, touching him briefly to let him know they were beyond happy that he was still alive.

“T-Thanks.” He muttered, making his way over to his old room. With a tired sigh, he got up the stairs, and knocked on the door with his gloved hand. He’d never done that before. The Hideaway was his home, but this room now belonged to someone else.

“Come in.” Gav’s voice was gruff, and he seemed to be in thought before. Apparently, no one had gone on ahead to inform of his return. Odd. Clive raised his eyebrows when he saw Gav behind his desk, peering over a map with someone new. Red coat and short dark hair, he didn’t know anyone that looked like that from behind. Where were you? “Clive?!” Gav perked up, recognizing the guest. “Founder, you’re alive!” He basically jumped up from his desk, running towards Clive. “Thank fuck you survived. What happened?!” Gav exclaimed, when the two embraced each other.

“Yeah, you could say that. I didn't think I would. I’ll explain later.” Clive replied, happy to see Gav again. “Do you know where Y/N is?” He asked, and it earned him a chuckle in his ear.

“Something wrong with your eyes eh?” And without further explanation, Gav made himself scarce, closing the door behind him. With a confused look he watched Gav go, before turning back to the unfamiliar person in front of him. “Oh.” He froze, his eyes meeting your face. You looked different. He couldn’t read your expression, but something was off.

You stood up, and turned around to see the guest. Which didn’t turn out to be a guest. Just the person that had been haunting you for the past months. “Clive?” You asked confused. Your hand went up to your face to pinch yourself. This was not how Clive had imagined this would go. You stared at him in utter shock. You weren’t approaching him. Instead, you pulled out a knife from your sleeve and threw it. Clive flinched when it flew by him, getting stuck in the door, snipping his shaggy hair and leaving a shallow cut on his cheek. “Son of a bitch. You're real.” You cursed, gripping the desk with your other hand. “What the fuck.” Your breath got caught in your throat. You wanted to run towards him, but your legs weren't moving. “W-what took you so long.” Overwhelmed with emotion, your knees gave out.

“Y/N!” Clive sprinted towards you, lowering himself to meet you.

“What’s happening-” The edges of your sight were black. 

Is he real? It can’t be. What is going on with me?

That balloon of emotions that you had repressed under the waters of your soul had been ripped out, and it felt as if that was shoved right into the hole in your chest. You gripped your shirt, as if pulling it away could grant you oxygen.

I need air.

Your ears were ringing. You could see Clive’s lips move, but couldn’t hear a word he said. His hands -a glove quickly discarded- gripped your shoulders, shaking you slightly. He must be real. You could see his worried eyes glaze over. This is so lame, why was your body freezing up? It seems he was shouting, but you couldn’t make out what he wanted you to do. You raised an eyebrow, seeing that ridiculous beard.

I….I can’t breathe.

 Your mouth opened, before closing again. You see a drop of blood from the cut you made on his cheek rolling down. 

I’m an asshole.

The thought crossed your mind before everything went black.

—

“Tarja!” Clive shouted, busting through the infirmary door while carrying you in his arms.

“What happened? Clive?!” She was quick to act, guiding Clive to a bed he could put you on.

“I don't know, she couldn't believe it was me-”

“Did she hit her head?”

“No, I was holding on to her when she passed out. She seemed out of it, not able to hear me.” Clive stammered, as Tarja didn't seem surprised.

She checked your pupils, heartbeat, and temperature. “Not a heart attack.” She informed Clive, who looked beyond worried. “She’s been running herself ragged, and finally her body gave out.” Again, Tarja didn’t seem surprised.

Clive grabbed your hand, seeing the bloody bandages on your knuckles. “What have you been doing while I was away?” He stammered, not understanding what was going on.

“She was doing better, but I think your return might’ve pulled the rug from under her feet.” Tarja smiled wryly. “She’ll be okay, just needs rest. Welcome back by the way.” Clive’s gaze shifted back to you after a grateful smile. “I’m sure that awful beard scared her. Shall we clean you up before she wakes? You scared me too, to be honest.”

Clive chuckled awkwardly. “Thanks Tarja.”

—

You felt something rubbing the back of your fingers with a thumb, your knuckles still bandaged. You managed to open your eyes, finding yourself in the infirmary. Perhaps you were too exhausted. Too aggressive when discussing with Gav. Wouldn’t be the first time. You tried to prop yourself up, but two hands pushed you back into the bed. “Take it easy, sweetheart.” Clive’s face came into view, and your eyes widened.

“... It wasn’t a dream. You really are alive.” You stammered.

He was surprised you figured that out now. The beard was gone, back to his usual scruff. His hair also got trimmed. You were probably out for a while. “I am.” He smiled at you, and tears escaped your eyes. Your chest constricted, and it was still difficult to breathe. 

Did I get another heart attack? What the fuck.

“Deep breaths, Y/N.” Tarja appeared at the end of the bed, motioning to copy her breathing. You did as she instructed, focusing on her. Your breathing slowed after a while, the invisible hand squeezing your heart disappearing. “It seems you were putting yourself under a lot of pressure. You passed out from stress and shock.” Tarja explained, and you sighed.

“Stress? That’s ridiculous.” You tried, but Tarja glared at you.

“What is ridiculous is your thick head, Y/N. Stress has a lot of impact on your wellbeing. You burned yourself out. You should know, seeing that Gav put you in the dungeon for a reason last time.” Your nose scrunched, and you felt Clive’s worried stare bore into you. “And we all know that you don’t have a sliver of self-regard. So you’re going to rest up here today. Hopefully Clive can calm you down this time.” Tarja continued. The man next to you smirked, and you gave a puzzled look.

Tarja left, and you looked at Clive. Just in his shirt and pants, armor discarded. “Scoot over.” He said, still smirking.

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“This bed is too small for you too.” You tried.

“I’m tired.” Clive replied, shrugging. And when you still looked at him weird, the man got under the covers with you anyway. “...Finally.” He sighed, wrapping an arm around your waist. You both were laying on your sides, his body enveloping yours. He nuzzled your neck with his nose. “Thank the Founder.” He whispered. You wiggled around, so you could face his chest. With a big relieved sigh, you settled in. You never thought you’d feel his warmth again. No further words were exchanged as you just stayed in each other's arms. 

...

Clive was playing with your hair, his calloused fingers running through your black strands. “...What happened at Origin?” You asked, still flush against him in the small infirmary bed. His fingers fell silent, as he took a deep breath through his nose.

“...I lost Joshua. Dion sacrificed himself too. We defeated Ultima, and we paid the price for it.” Clive replied solemnly. “I destroyed Origin with power that didn't feel my own.” His other hand clenched, the stone digit unmoving. “I was going to die too, until you saved me.” Your heads moved back slightly so you could look at each other.

“What? I did?” You replied, confused. Clive smiled.

“My body was turning to stone. I was sure it was the end for me. And suddenly you appeared, in Prometheus's white armor.” Clive lifted up his left hand between you two. He showed you his pinky, your ring still there. You recognized the stone curse. “You healed me.” Clive added.

“Titans tits.” You said in surprise. “You appeared in front of me too.” You said then, intertwining your hand with his. “You wore his black armor. I thought it was goodbye.” There was a wry smile on your face, as you squeezed his hand. Clive moved your hands slightly out of the way, gently pressing his lips against yours. You shifted slightly, intertwining your legs before you opened your mouth to deepen the kiss.

“Hey. If you're going to make out, please leave the infirmary.” Tarja growled, shoving the curtain open. You and Clive swiftly retracted with flushed faces. “Hands above the covers, or Clive is going somewhere else.” Tarja threatened, rolling her eyes. You both did as she asked, chuckling like teenagers.

“Did you not like your hair anymore?” Clive asked then, still fully focused on you.

Your smile was strained. “...you could say that.”

His thumb caressed your cheek, going over the newer scars. “What happened?” You fell silent.

“...I needed to change. Unrecognizable for the jaded daggers. And if anyone could change me…. It’s you.” You looked at him, both in admiration and embarrassment. “If anyone could make me feel better than me, it’s you.”

“....” Clive gazed into your eyes, not finding words to say. 

“...I hoped I could become more like you.” You admitted. “Someone people could look up to. Trust in.” Your cheeks flushed redder.

“They were already doing that.” Clive tried as he pulled you into his chest again, kissing your crown. The silvery white was starting to come back in your roots. There was a wry smile on his face that you couldn’t see.

“...So I heard. I know I made mistakes. I’m still owning up to them. It was wrong to compare myself to you.”  His warmth makes you drowsy. Your knuckles were battered, and Clive wondered if that had anything to do with your mistakes. “Don’t worry about it.” You said, your eyelids are getting heavy. “I’ll tell you everything when I wake up.” He stared at you in surprise before a smile appeared on his face, hugging you softly. Words would come later.

—

The infirmary and Hideaway as a whole felt a little too small for your reunion. You and Clive decided to talk on the shore, spend some time in peace. Perhaps an inn for the night if you needed it. You were both still a little hesitant around each other, and there was a lot still unsaid. With your bare feet in the sand, you threw rocks in the water. “..I was afraid,” You started. Clive sat next to you in the sand, listening to you talk, and the sound of the rocks splattering over the water. He brought a blanket, with a small basket of snacks. The gesture was sweet on its own, but at the moment you weren’t hungry. “That when both you and Prometheus were gone, I lost everything that made me… more than a thug.” As if you regressed before you joined Cid. “I wanted to prove myself so badly, and Gav put his trust in me. I wanted to live up to that, and when I realized I couldn’t, I was already…” You bit your lip.

You threw your last rock as far away as you could. You dropped yourself on your behind next to Clive. “I was either drunk or working with your uncle. I just didn’t want to be with my own thoughts.” For some reason, your substance abuse didn’t come as a surprise to Clive.

With a wry smile, he wrapped his arm around you. “Did it not go well? With uncle Byron.”

“My input was mediocre at best.” You snorted. “I have no knowledge of politics and state affairs. I gathered funds by fighting in illegal underground pits to compensate.” You smiled slightly. At least you did that.

“...Underground pits?” Clive never heard of the term.

“Illegal betting on fist fights.” You explained. Clive could do the math.

“...You were fist fighting in an illegal underground pit to gather funds for uncle Byron?”

“...And the Hideaway.”

“Did you not get hurt? No one noticed? Y/N-” Clive stammered, questions flooding. You gently placed your bandaged hand on his armored knee. You could see his mind racing, imagining exactly what you were doing in those fighting pits.

“I think you’re forgetting the fact that I’m a good liar.” You smiled wryly. Clive gritted his teeth. “In any case… I burned myself when I returned to the Hideaway. Jill saw right through me, when I was busy getting wasted. She called me out…” You looked down at the sand. You hated to tell Clive this. Your eyes glazed over, regretting everything. “I.. Punched her in the face. And when Dorys, Cole, and Ember tried to intervene..” Your breath hitched. “I went mad. I put everyone in the infirmary and earned myself a night in the dungeon.”

As much as you wanted to stop here, Clive earned the truth. “I asked Gav to banish me. Put me out of my misery. Anything to stop the pain. But it doesn’t work like that, does it? He told me to get up and try again.” You sighed. “And I've been trying since.”

“...” Clive was silent processing the events. He was probably disappointed in you. “..A sorry tale of sin and suffering. Hardship and pain.” Clive spoke up, his voice soft. That is what he had told Ultima what would happen after the world would be free. You gave him a puzzled look, and he smiled in return. “It seems like you didn’t have to be bored while I was gone.” He chuckled, and your eyes widened. He still didn’t judge you, even though you thought you were the scum of the earth at some point. “All of that, and you still managed to save me.” His smile grew wider, warmer even.

“I’m not sure if I had any choice in the matter.” You joked, mustering up a smile. “I thought I'd never see you again. I can't believe you're sitting next to me.”

“Me neither. I thought I'd perish in Waloed, or out at sea.” Clive replied, as he pulled you a little closer. You sat like that for a while, the wind caressing your hair. Eventually Clive told you in detail what happened in Origin. How he managed to free the world of magick, Bearers and Dominants. You listened intently, even when he broke talking about Joshua. He softly sobbed next to you, his arm retracting. His quest was finally completed, but a part of him was lost. The world wasn’t a kind place. He leaned against you, seeking comfort. His dark hair brushed your cheek as you pressed yourself against him even more. 

Chapter Text

“Should we travel to Port Isolde? Lord Rosfield would love to hear of your return.” You asked after a while of silence, both staring at the messy blue sea in front of you. The waves never reached your feet. The absence of easy messaging was something you already sorely missed.

“If you promise you’re not going there for work.” Clive responded with a grin.

“...I..Uhm. There are still some things that are expected of me.” You retorted, refusing to promise anything.

“Alright, then let’s not make haste.” Clive compromised, having some other things in mind before meeting his uncle. 

—

The decision of an inn was certainly not a bad one. A more spacious bed, and a dinner with a goblet of wine in a comfortable place with not too many people present. You assured Clive you were not going to have more than that one drink. “Don’t worry,” he’d said. “I trust you.” There was a twinkle in his eyes, as you wondered where that trust came from. “I think the sky is clear tonight.” Clive commented, after finishing his drink. You both had almost finished your food, and your gaze rested on Clive, his face lightened up by the candle in between you two.

“You think? I haven’t been paying attention, sorry. Were you expecting rain?” You scratched the back of your head giving him a small smile.

“I was thinking we could watch the stars tonight.” Clive replied with a smile you didn’t know how to interpret.

“Oh that sounds nice. It’s still on the list. Where? Does this place have a roof where we can watch from?” Clive smirked, and you gave him a puzzled look.

“Our room should be plenty.” You remembered your shared room having one window that wasn’t particularly well suited to the activity. “And let’s close the curtains while we’re at it.” Clive watched you intently as you finally understood what he meant.

Your eyes widened, and a gasp that made him smirk. “Oh. Wow.” This time you didn’t care that your fork clattered on the floor.

The moment you closed the door of your shared room, Clive already had his hands on your shoulders to turn you around and face him. He gently pushed you against the door, pinning you for a kiss. “I missed you.” He breathed in between kisses, not letting you go.

“I’ve missed you too.” You replied, catching your breath before your tongues intertwined again. Your hands fumbled with his cloak, dropping the garment on the floor. He returned the favor, pulling your coat off your shoulders. The heavy thud surprised him, but that didn't stop him whatsoever. Compared to you, Clive still had many intricate layers of armor to go, and it made him smirk when your hands tried to undo his lace. Clive rested his forehead against yours, a smile on his lips.

“You can’t undress me that fast.” He whispered, appreciating your efforts. He was going to take it slow tonight.

“At least remove the swords.” You compromised. Clive saw a hint of hesitation flash across your face, arms hanging beside you. “Are you sure this is what you want?” You asked, before he could speak up.

“...What do you mean?” Your question indicated more than your current situation, and he confirmed that when you quickly glanced at your feet.

“I've never been an outstanding person to society.” Your words sounded careful, almost formal. You wanted him to think about being with you. That he was sure about this. “I don’t want you to feel obligated to stay with me because of that ring.”

“What?” Clive replied honestly, taking off his sword and setting it against the wall. Then he removed his belt. 

Are you really going on this journey with me? “Well, after everything that has happened...Is this what you want? As in, am I truly the one for you? Are you certain?” While you kept voicing your thoughts, Clive had removed most of his armor with precise practice. You walked over and sat on the spacious bed, continuing sharing what was on your mind. You thought back on your conversation with Byron.

He was now without armor, an amused smile on his lips. “Is that all? I can see you truly for who you are when you're around the people of the Hideaway. Around me. I never thought you needed fixing. I love you for who you are. For all your imperfections.” He replied with ease.

“Alright, if you say so…” You exhale with a smile. “If you want me, come and get it.” You relented. His blue eyes made you feel alive, adrenaline rushing through you, heat dusting your face.

He had crawled on top of you, staring at you from above. “If it's okay with you, I'd like you to undress me now.” He whispered, his cheeks just as dark with longing as yours. Wordlessly, your fingers hooked onto the lace of his vest. Clive went ahead, exploring your skin. “Not so insecure now, are we?” He smiled observing your expressions from the side. It took you ages, and Clive wasn't helping. He obscured your view, his dark hair tickling your nose as he kissed the crook of your neck. You hissed, as he scraped his teeth across your collarbone, already pulling back the soft layer of your linen shirt. He found a few small new scars that he could worship. Training wounds, no doubt. “Someone hasn't been careful in the pits.” Clive noted softly, kissing them all.

“..You should've seen the other guy.” You sighed, surrendering to his administrations. You were about halfway with his vest, while the man on top of you was already doing whatever he wanted. “H-hey, that's going to leave a mark..” You uttered, feeling him suck your skin as if he was without water for days and you were his fountain of salvation. He withdrew only to whisper:

“I'm hoping that's the case.”

A shiver shot down your spine. Not in your wildest dreams had he been the predator he is now. There was a desire in his touches, a deprived desperation. Heat. Perhaps he'd rip off your shirt if you weren't making enough progress with his. He was fair to not go lower. The wet sucking, combined with the scruff on his chin grinding on your skin was slowly but surely making you go insane. “Got it!” You finally managed to undo the intricate lacing of his vest.

Clive retreated, still smiling. “Good job, sweetheart.” A chuckle escaped his lips as he simply took off his vest and discarded it to the side. Your heart was racing, staring into his blues. Straddling your hips, he casually let his eyes wander over you. You stared back at him, enjoying a moment of silence. The sheets were soft on your fingers, letting them travel over the fabric. Clive watched your hands move, momentarily distracted. Then his own fingers glided over the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head before discarding that garment too. Your eyes slowly lowered, to the trail of dark hair below his navel travelling down his trousers. It seems that with the dying of magic, his warmth wasn't the same. A shiver briefly passed him, and you saw his nipples harden. To compensate, he sought your heat, getting close to you again. You took the moment to touch him, your hands going over his chest and abdomen. That trail below his navel. Clive kissed your lower lip, tugging at it slightly to indicate he wanted more. Needed more. Let me show you how much I want you.

In between kisses, he pulled your shirt over your head. “I'm still getting used to your new scars.” He admitted, placing his hands beside your head. Your hand instinctively grazed your cheek, giving him a wry smile. You weren't sure if you should apologize. Clive lowered himself again, kissing your forehead before making his way down. A gentle kiss on your scarred cheek, your jaw, the crook of your neck. “That won't take long.” He added. He was there for all of it. You fumbled with your top, removing the item as it was starting to annoy you. Now it was just two people in only leather pants. Clive silently thanked you, a smile on his lips before his teeth latched onto one of your freed nipples. You yelped in surprise as you fell prey to his mouth and hands. He was claiming you, piece by piece. And he was doing it aggravatingly slowly. Still, there was a heat pooling in your stomach. You repressed it, not in a hurry. Clive was in charge, and you'd let him do whatever he wanted, while enjoying his body. His presence. “You're awfully quiet.” Clive moved his eyes up, momentarily leaving your breast alone. He was right, you were not as vocal as previous times. He chuckled. “Should I be rougher?”

“No, not at all. It's just… we're at an inn. Uhm.” Clive's chambers, and abandoned shores were different. You could surrender to each other with reckless abandon. An occupied inn that might harbor enemies or worse; friends . Imagine Rutherford listening to you being pounded into the sheets. The thought made you fall silent immediately.

“Want to switch it up?” Clive suggested, the smile never leaving his face. 

A low moan escaped his mouth as your hips grinded over his. You licked your lips looking at Clive from above. Surprisingly, the man had no issues in letting out his voice for you. As it was your turn marking him, Clive even became so bold in firmly grabbing your ass, to keep you in place while his clothed cock grinded against the leather still clenching your skin. You listened to him as you sucked the crook of his neck, your fingers playing with his nipples. In combination with the grinding of leather, Clive couldn't stay quiet. He let out soft groans and whimpers, his volume increasing. His jaw clenched and his grip tightened. Needy. His cock had become rock hard, and it wouldn't take long before the final layers had to go. “You’re going to get your trousers dirty if you continue like that.” You whispered with a grin, fearing that your own wouldn’t be long either. Upon the realization, Clive let you go.

The embarrassed expression on his face made you smile as you got off of him to shed your leather and smalls. Clive watched you, unconsciously licking his lips. It made you blush as you stood back up again. He took in your full frame. Everything he could see was for him to explore, no questions asked. Mesmerized in adoration. Seeing Clive stay still, you decided to help him get rid of the tight fabric on his ass. This time your fingers made quick work of the lace. “Let’s switch back.” You offered, giving him a moment to get fully rid of anything that was left. It was your turn to stare as Clive stepped out of his trousers. Still as handsome as ever. The man finally surrendered to his groin, climbing back on top of you. You spread your legs, giving him a place to put that desire. He rubbed his tip along your wet entrance, pushing back his impatience.

He settled above you, pushing a few inches in. You bit your arm, holding back a groan. He inches deeper, and you feel yourself stretch. “I… it's been a while, did you get bigger?” You joke half heartedly. It didn't earn you a smile, a worried look instead. “...Sorry, I'm a bit nervous.” You admit. “I thought I'd never see you again, and here you are, practically undressing me with your eyes.”

Clive gave you a small smile now, pausing for a bit. The whole reason why he wanted to take it slow. He was sure he was going to die. And yet here he was. You clenched around him. “Fuck.” He growled. You looked back at him, shiny with sweat. Inviting. Clive wasn't going to give in immediately to your temptation. He placed one hand on your hip. “I'm not sure you can stay quiet, my love.”

“Try me.” You challenged, clenching the sheets. That's all Clive needed to hear. He carefully entered -fucking- you fully, your pussy almost sucking him in. He groaned, your walls clenching him tightly again. Your breath hitched, a lopsided smile on your face. His cock fully stuffed you, your walls adjusting to him. Clive started moving slowly, and let out a low moan when he saw your eyes roll back. You tried to muffle your groans with your bandaged arm, but Clive was faster, moving your arm to the side so he could see your face. “Don't hide from me.” A warning with a grin, as he started moving.

Sloppy noises echoed through the room, so why not add your voice too? “Fffuck.” You stuttered, grabbing the headboard above you with both hands as your back arched. “Clive you-” Your jaw tensed as he reached a spot that had you reeling. He smiled, both his hands gripping your hips tighter, his fingers digging into you like hooks. He sped up, the noise of skin slapping filling the room.

Clive lowered himself, his lips pressed on yours. His hips were grinding against you, and you gasped for air in between kisses. “You feel good.” Clive breathed, sweat forming on his forehead.

“..You too.” You whispered, before Clive went slightly deeper, bullying you into letting out a moan. Your face flushed darker, and he saw that as his sign to continue.

“I can't hold it much longer.” He whispered, slowing down slightly. His hips rolled against yours in slow succession.

“Don't hold back.” You whispered back, surrendering to his desire. He nods. A few more hard and fast thrusts. His bruising grip tightened even more as he let himself go. With a loud groan, he flinched briefly as he came. Your back still arched, you took what he dished out with grace, holding back your voice, eyes firmly closed. After riding out his high, he slowly pulled out.

You exhaled, a small shiver going down your spine. Quickly however, his fingers were inside you, thumb on your sensitive spot. “Come for me, my love.” He whispered, looking at your exasperated expression. His fingers curled, and you were well aware that you were going to give him exactly what he wanted. He pumps you fast, his thumb rubbing your own juices hard on your clit.

You tense, already coming undone. A silent cry escapes your mouth as Clive rides out your high. When you manage to open your eyes, you watch him lick off his fingers. Your cheeks burn at the sight. You were panting, your gaze still trained on him. “You're good at this.” You say, a smile on your lips.

“Hmm?” Clive gives you a puzzled look as he lays down beside you, pulling the blankets over both of you.

“Being intimate.” You explain, turning towards him. “You make me feel safe, and loved.” Your cheeks are still reddened, just like his as you look at each other. Content.

“You have the same effect on me.” Clive muses, pulling you against him. He kisses your crown, as you rub your cheek against his chest. “And red looks good on you.” He whispers, a smile on his face.

You smirk in his chest, pressing a quick kiss against the muscle. “If I am to be your lady at some point, I might as well get used to the colors, right?”

You don't see the mad blush on his face, as he pulls you even tighter against him. “You don't even know what you're doing to me right now, do you?” Clive then says, unable to stop smiling as his fingers caress your back.

“Oh, I'm well aware.” You smirk, a hand caressing his chest. 

Chapter Text

The soft rays of sun and chirping of birds woke you up the next morning. You rolled over to check on Clive, still peacefully asleep. No nightmares this time. His lips were parted slightly, as his chest went up and down in a calm manner. You observed the scar on his cheek, the unshaved skin adorning his jaw. Withholding the urge to pinch his nose, you scooted closer. Instead, you removed the few strands of hair out of his face. Fingers caressing his forehead, slowly down to his cheek. “Hmmm.” Then he rolled away from you.

Your brows immediately furrowed in slight annoyance. Then again, you weren’t in a hurry. Taking up more of his space, you pressed yourself flush against him, face resting between his shoulder blades. Maybe just fall asleep again like this. As you snaked your arm over his waist, you heard a small chuckle. Clive grabbed your hand, covering your arm with his own and pulling it against his chest instead. “Can’t get enough of me?” He smugly whispered, still hazy from sleep.

“I can’t get enough of you. Ever.” You say, kissing his spine. It makes him gasp. Still, he doesn’t move. “I want to show you the underground pits after we meet your uncle.” That does get him to roll over. He gives you a puzzled look as he meets your gaze. “I don’t want to hide what I did. And you might have an idea to turn it into something better.”

“What makes you say that?” Your lips curl upward.

“I don’t know. I just feel like you can. There are bearers being thrown against professional fighters, and blood money just thrown around without a care in the world. Seems like a certain outlaw can do some magic there.”

His confusion turns into a slight smile. “Putting me to work already huh?” He kisses you on your crown. “Time to get out of bed then.”

“...Yeah. That’s the Clive I know.” 

…

Byron Rosfield was dumbfounded. Twice now, his nephew resurrected from the dead. His reaction was still the same. Emotional as he was, he hugged Clive tightly as you stood back to watch the spectacle. “My boy! You keep coming back! Thank the gods that you do!” Clive returned the hug with a big smile on his face, and after a few moments Byron summoned Rutherford for a familiar feast. Love goes through the stomach apparently. One that you’re starting to enjoy.
Should I start cooking again? I think I’d like that. I think… I’d really like that.

You’re bemused as you see the men converse. Updating each other on the happenings that the other missed out on. You’re already aware of the situation, and zone out. The food is good. Did Rudders add some Dhalmekian spices? Perhaps you should thank him. At some point, eyes are on you. “Hmm?” You swallow your food.

“Seems like it was meant to be after all.” Byron’s voice is calm, a twinkle in his eyes. A shiver goes down your spine.

“I’m sorry?” You cannot read Clive’s expression as you try to ascertain what you missed.

“I updated Clive on the wonderful conversations we had over dinner while he was absent.” That twinkle in Byron’s eyes did not go away. “And you were right after all.” He adds, which earns him a confused look from you. If you remember correctly, your words had been harsh, pushing some feelings down into oblivion. “You did sweep him along. I do see how you two look at each other, and it makes my heart melt.” Heat creeps up your cheeks and ears. Instinctively, you avoid Byron’s bemused gaze, and you meet Clive’s. Face just as flushed. Two kids giddy at the notion of being together. There’s a smile on Clive’s face that makes you wonder if it wasn’t the other way around. You grin. His eyes were stars that you could gaze at for hours.

“Hah. I think it’s the other way around actually.” You manage to say, eyes still on Clive. “I fantasized about kissing him the moment I returned from Waloed. I must say I held on for as long as I could,” Clive’s lips part in surprise, eyes wide. Your gaze shifts to Byron, leaving Clive with his thoughts. “But in the end I fell in love with my rescuer.” You shrug, a smile on your lips. “A bit of an overused trope isn’t it?” Byron smiles widely.

“Sometimes a classic can be the very best. A toast!” He merrily raises his glass. “To a wonderful wedding! To a new Lord and Lady Rosfield.” He’s so genuine in his comment, that it catches you off guard. On instinct, your glass is already raised. Your eyes prickle, and there’s a warm feeling in your chest. Who would’ve guessed? You quickly wipe the upcoming tears from your eyes. Your story was a happy one after all. The dining table was too large for Clive to reach out for you, and you didn’t mind. He raises his glass as well, his smile radiant. If you knew this was in the cards for you, you’d say it was all worth it. “Well, I don't want to push some preparations on you so soon, but let me take my leave. I still have some work to do. Let me meet you back here for dinner.” He proceeds to take an exit, but not before putting on some music.

A soft tune that sparks recognition within Clive. He’d been interestingly quiet, but his chair scrapes the floor slightly as he stands up. “Can I have this dance, my lady?” Byron was quick in manufacturing certain devices from the blueprints that you brought from the Hideaway. Who would’ve guessed he’d already made a machine that could make music? And find that perfect moment to test it out. Nobility is shrewd. You stand as well, taking his outstretched hand. His hand gently places on your waist. Yours goes on this shoulder. You don’t worry about bandaged hands. You don’t worry about stepping on his feet as he slowly guides you through the room. He looks at you, and you at him. Enjoying the moment. Just how you always envisioned it could be. His blue eyes make you feel alive, and feel seen.

“...I love you.” You say, without hesitation.

He stops for a moment. “You make me the happiest man alive.” A kiss on your lips. A quiet dance until the music stops. 

—

“We're almost there.” You say, leading Clive to the pits. He wasn't particularly looking forward to it, as sharing a dance was much more interesting to him. Then again, he didn't mind a walk in the sun with you. He silently took your hand in his, treating this as a casual stroll through the Isolde marketplace. Nicely populated, no drunkards dragging their feet through the streets. You catch a whiff of familiarity. “Oh, Dhalmekian spices.” You smile, scanning to get the origin of your favorite smell. 

You were expecting to run into Dio again. Somehow, somewhere in Valisthea you were absolutely sure it would happen again. If he was looking for you or not, that didn't matter at all. So when you were on your way to a Dhalmekian stall and recognized him going the same way, you already had your hands in your coat. And he felt your presence too. Late afternoon, sun high and scorching. That's when you stood eye to eye with your nemesis. A fateful meeting on a busy market. “Well… If it isn’t our favorite traitor and-” Dio’s gaze shifted to Clive, and he fell silent. “...How are you still alive.”

He was by himself, you could take him out right here and now. “As if your crappy poison could take me out.” Clive says casually, a small smile on his lips. Founder knows it almost did. Dio shrugs, not letting it get to him. Instead, his eyes were back on you. He still looked the same as always, his long curly black hair well taken care of. This time dressed in expensive mustard yellow garbs.

“I see you want to fight, have some class will you? Would be a shame if some innocent bystanders get caught in the crossfire.”

“Like I care.” You try, knowing you’d be good enough to avoid that.

Clive however, puts a hand on your shoulder. “Hah, he’s smarter than you.” You see Clive’s jaw go taut. He’s holding himself back as much as you are.

“I thought you were desperate to off me? You haven’t succeeded so far, and it looks bad on you.” You say, sliding your hands out of your sleeves. Empty this time.

“Oh, don’t think I’ve moved on.” He says, eyes narrowed. “It’s just… I have more ventures that need my attention.” Seeing his expensive outfit, it feels like he’s meeting with someone important.

“You don’t think he’s meeting with your uncle?” You whisper to Clive.

“I’d hope my uncle is smarter than that.” He whispers back. You speak up, addressing Dio this time.

“How about we fight it out in the pits? I’ll put you out of your misery.” You say, a cocky smile on your face as you straighten your back. Clive groans audibly.

“You? Hah as if I’m going to fight a woman in the pits. I have a better track record than that.” So he has heard of it. You growl at the blatant sexism.

“What? You afraid-” 

“I’ll take you on then. I can properly pay you back for our last meeting.” Clive’s calm expression is there, but you know he’s boiling inside. Your turn to groan.

“What are you saying?” You hiss. “You can’t just-” Dio smirks.

“A worthy challenge! I’ll take you up on it. Trevor will contact you. So that we can finally settle this for good.” You curse as Dio vanishes in the crowd.

“Do you know what you just did?” You growl, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“I’ll kill him. Even if it’s the last thing I do, Y/N.” Clive says, turning towards you.

“Yeah, with your bare fists? You think you can take that giant slab of steel with you?”

“...I can do more than just swinging a sword, you know.” He smiles, you don’t.

“You do realize you took my opportunity for revenge right?”

“I’m well aware.” He turns serious, taking your hands in his. “I’ll crush him for both our sakes. Valisthea has no need for bandits.” Spoken like a true Lord, and you swallow.

“..Fine. Let’s see what Uncle Byron thinks of this. Let’s get some spices. Pits will come tomorrow.” You decide, already dragging him to the stall. 

…

After you get the minimum amount of feast worthy spices, you wait for uncle Byron to frown at the escalation of events. “...Go on… Tell him he’s an idiot.” You try, arms crossed. You’re in Byron’s chambers, interrupting his work. He seems to ponder your suggestion.

“You’re saying he’s a bandit leader right? Presumably having more friends and accomplices? Would they be present as well?” Clive nods, and the smile on Byron’s face is sending shivers down your spine. “It seems like we should give them a warm welcome then.” 

“Warm welcome? What? Even if you contain his gang members, letting Clive enter that pit is madness! That asshole will carry a knife! He will cheat and kill him whatever it takes.” You did realize how stupid you were for challenging the bastard back at the market.

“I’m expecting you to have my back when that happens.” Clive grins, looking back at you. It seems he trusted you with his life.

“Of course.” You mutter, voice lowered. “Ugh. Let’s go to the training area. I need to see how well you can punch.” You say to Clive before turning to Byron. “I’ll find you later okay? I need to talk to you about precautions.”

“Sure, come find me when you are ready, my girl.” 

…

Dragging Clive to the training pit, you take off your coat. “They are not going to allow you to fight in your armor, Clive.”

“Who are they?”

“Standard rules really, just your shirt and trousers. They will check your shoes for hidden weapons too. Too keep it civil.” You explain.

“How are you so sure that he will be able to sneak in a knife then?”

“Hide it in the sand, stick it up his ass, bribe someone… I don’t know how but he will do it.”

“...Okay, so why don’t we do the same?”

“Clive… can you even fight with a dagger?” You’d been instructing cursebreakers. As far as you were concerned, Clive hadn’t touched a dagger to fight with. Ever. The man in front of you slightly shrugs, and you narrow your eyes at him.

“Won’t you teach me?” He smiles when he asks, and you don’t reciprocate.

“I’m going to teach you how to evade one if you have no weapons. But first I want to see how well you punch. So take off your armor and show me what you got.” Oh how the tables have turned. He silently does as you asked before getting into a fighting stance. At least you’re not getting the ‘I don’t want to punch you’ spiel, which would’ve just pissed you off. Instead, he avoids vitals. He hits you on shoulders, upper arms, and right above the chest. “Can I?” You don’t wait for an answer as you punch him full in his liver.

It doesn’t bring you joy to see his face tense up in pain, stepping back to get air.

“He will distract you. Taunt you. And when you least expect it, land a shot on your vitals.” Just like he’d done with you years ago. With daggers, nicking your flesh until you could parry. Always clean. The only scars you got from him were on your back. Clive is quiet, but motions for you to come at him again. More of a reactive fighter without a big sword to press the advantage. You could work with that. Playing around with him, you treated this as casual payback for his tough sword lessons. “Kicking is also allowed.” You say as you swipe his front foot with yours before landing your fist somewhere below his navel but still above the groin.

“Hmmph.” Clive hisses in pain, quickly regaining balance to retaliate. You’re happy to sidestep that brutal incoming punch.

“Miss your magic already?” You taunt a little, and you realize you’re having a little too much fun with this. Clive shrugs off your comment as he pounces you quickly and effectively. Your back hits the ground as he holds your body in place with his own. “...I guess you can do that too.” You say surprised, a smirk on your face. “Hold his hands above his head though, before he stabs you.” You prick him in his side with your fingers, and Clive flinches slightly before exactly doing as you said.

“..Like this? Y/N, I’m starting to think your mind is elsewhere.” He smiles, his face flushed. You stare up at him and roll your eyes.

“You could’ve gotten off of me ages ago, Clive.” And he quickly does, before this sparring session turns into something else.
Switching focus, you’re taking out your daggers from your coat. “We’re going to do this slowly, and pay attention, or I’ll nick you on your thighs.” You warn, and Clive raises an eyebrow.

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to go easy on me. And why the thighs?” You smirk.

“If you don’t give me your best, you’ll end up in your underwear.” Clive growls, your intention clear. 

Still, you have mercy on the man. As expected he’s quick on the uptake. Swift in grabbing attacking wrists, twisting effectively until your back is against his chest, armed hand squeezed between. “Note that he’s bigger than me, okay. I’m allowing you to do this.” You say, staying in his arms.

“You’re a good teacher.” He whispers, a quick peck on your cheek before he releases you.

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” You say, chuckling awkwardly as you raise your arms again. 

…

Clive doesn’t end up in his underwear after all, and you’re satisfied with his skills at the end of the day. “Come on, tell me I did a good job.” He grins at you during dinner. Rutherford and Byron are absent, and for good reason. You’d explain to Clive later.

“...Are you into that?” You ask, taking a sip of your drink. His face flushes, grin vanishing.

“I was just… Nevermind Y/N.”

“Good job, love, I hope you don’t get killed in a few days.” You say, a careful smile on your face.

“Yeah..Not the compliment I was fishing for.” Clive replies, shaking his head. 

Chapter Text

Clive joined your room, and while he was quickly asleep, you were restless. It was dark out, and you were starting at the ceiling. In this perfect room, with its beautiful furniture and amazingly soft bed, lying next to Clive. He was breathing softly. Sleep wouldn't take you. Your heartbeat was in your throat, impending doom in your thoughts. Both you and Clive had no more magic in your fingers. No Dominant to fall back on if it all went to shit.

Still, Clive was arrogantly confident that he could beat Dio. You want to believe with every fiber of his being that he could. Even though you know how Dio is. A relentless thief. He'd steal Clive away from you. He'd draw blood, hurting him while you were forced to watch. You should've killed him in the desert before jumping off with Clive. The thoughts swirled your mind, doom scenarios playing in your head. Palms sweaty, you know that you're scared. Afraid of what might be. You talked to Byron, sharing a last resort. If push would come to shove, you'd force Clive out and take his place. 

“Are you sure? It seems well thought out, but what are the odds of this happening?”

“I have no idea. I usually don't think this far ahead.” You reply, Byron giving you a raised eyebrow.

“Have you discussed this with Clive?”

You shake your head. “He won't agree.”

“I'm sure of that, he'll be furious if what you say happens.”

“Furious enough to cancel the marriage?” Morbid question blurted out.

Byron chuckles. “I think that's the least of your worries.”

Your gaze shifts to your feet. “I'm afraid you're right.”

...

Trevor had the audacity to knock on the front door of Byron's estate. And being the proper man that Rutherford was, to receive him as a second rate guest. Which meant you and Clive were to play the host. You're seated, Clive standing next to you.“These are the terms.” Trevor started laying out a piece of parchment. He was wearing his usual shoddy garbs. No fancy mustard yellow like Dio had. Maybe to insult the Rosfield estate. No greetings. Not that you wanted any. You shot him a glare before eying the paper. Just like the ones you signed for your fights.  Rutherford had checked Trevor for weapons, but you weren't sure if you could trust that. “First one that knocks out the other wins.” Trevor explains.

“What about accidental deaths.” You reply with a snort.

“Allowed.” Trevor says, tiny smirk on his face. Clive is silent, reading the paper. Basically, everything except weapons was allowed. The proposal was to fight the day after tomorrow. One versus one, placing bets for the audience was allowed too. Applauded even. Winner of the fight earns a 30 percent share. On the surface, nothing was out of the ordinary. You wouldn't even know why Dio would accept these terms if he wanted to kill the both of you so readily. “You really are joined at the hip, are you?” Trevor says calmly, crossing his arms. “You've forgotten about me quite quickly, Y/N.”

“I'd forgotten all about you the moment you put me in chains.” You curtly reply, not falling for the taunt.

“...I remember fondly how you screamed my name when I-”

“Remember where you are, asshole.” Clive growls, and it's the first time you hear him curse like that. Music to your ears.

“My memory works quite well, Cid.” Trevor replies with a tiny grin. “So tell me, how did you counter my poison? You survived.” Trevor looks at you. “Did she suck it out? She's quite good at th-”

“A weak poison was never going to kill me.” He gives a menacing glare, signing the proposal with a swift signature.

“What did you do with Cassian?” You ask, switching topics to calm Clive down. If that was possible.

“He quit when he met up with you in Sanbreque.” Trevor's smirk vanishes, and he shrugs. Odd for someone like him. “Tried to quit, anyway. You'll join him soon.”

“...How can you still enjoy life?” You spat, somehow feeling upset at the news.

“Enjoy life? Hah, I never needed magic. I'm loaded since Kupka bit the dust, and I get to do whatever I want together with Dio.” Clive grunts, and you already know how he feels.

“Sounds like you're sucking his dick.” You say, a thin smile on your face.

“Shut up.” The way Trevor looks at you makes you tense.

He's going to do something during the fight. He's out for me.

“It's time for you to go.” Clive threatens.

“Of course.” Trevor nods, having what he came for. 

He quickly takes his leave, and you glance over at Clive. You're still seated, and you can see he's still sporting that menacing glare. A moment of silence. Clive grabs your wrist, stomping over to your shared room. His grip is tight, and he's not saying a word. “Hey… are you alright?” He grunts. You're letting yourself get dragged along, until Clive slings you on the bed.

“Take off your clothes.” It's not a question.

“Can we talk about this first?”

“No.”

“What's bothering you?” You could take a guess.

“Take a wild guess, Y/N. This guy just walks in, starts bragging about how much you screamed his name while you were doing god knows what, and I can just sign off to a fight with another one of your exes?”

“They're not my exes. He was saying that to agitate you.” You're still on the bed, unmoving.

Clive has discarded his sword, fists tightly clenched. “Well, he pulled that off perfectly. I realized I know nothing about your past relationships.”

“I wasn't aware that casual drunken hookups before I met you, counted as such?” It seems to calm him down. Albeit only slightly. You sigh, and start stripping. “If you want to blow off steam, just say so.” You start, discarding your shirt. Clive just growls, reaching for his cloak. “Oh no. You're keeping that on. All of it. I’m not waiting while you take off all those layers.” You say, and the serious tone earns you a raised eyebrow.

“..Alright.” Clive replied, just undoing the tightness of his trousers. His eyes are on you as you strip. There’s something dark about the way his gaze travels over your body. Jaw taut, he takes you in. He doesn't pause the moment you lose your last item; “Get on your knees, Lady Rosfield. ”

You nod, doing as you're told. He makes you eye his cock, already hard after a few strokes. “Go on. Show me how good you are.” He says, towering over you. You roll your eyes, as you place a hand on his hip, the other around his shaft. You kiss the tip, slowly pumping with your hand. You lick down the base, and continue lightly sucking the tip. He twitches, witholding a slight gasp when you take him in your mouth. You get about halfway, covering the rest with your hand. He observes you intently, and you feel his cock twitch in your mouth.

After a moment of exploring, Clive seems to disagree with your speed. His gloved hand fists your hair, pushing further than you’re comfortable with. “Come on, work that pretty mouth for me.” He whispers, eying the silver roots of your hair. It’s grown out more, and Clive enjoys pulling it slightly to get you where he wants. Your tongue gets right under the tip, and he shivers, heat traveling through his body. Did he really have to keep on his armor?

Tears spring in your eyes as you almost choke on him. You try to move back, but he doesn’t let you. Glaring up, you’re met with Clive’s heated face. “Already done, sweetheart?” He’s mocking you, apparently expecting more as Trevor bragged about your ‘skills’ before. He’s jealous, and you accept it for now. You place both of your hands on his leather covered ass, gripping him tightly before you pull him in as much as you can. You don’t pull your gaze away from his as you almost swallow him whole. The look and surprise on his face is worth it, and he lets go of your hair as tears escape your eyes.

You cough the moment you’re free, sucking in air. “I told you, he was taunting you. I’ve only done this once before.” You say, after catching your breath.

Clive has his gaze still trained on you. “Now’s the moment you tell me to stop.” He desperately wants to rip his armor off, his cock twitching for more as he warns you.

“Heh. As if.” You saunter over to the bed, getting on your hands and knees. Spreading your legs wide and back arched, you put yourself on full display.

“Fuck.” Clive’s jaw is taut.

“You’re keeping that armor on, Lord Rosfield. ”

“Fine.” He grunts, approaching you in a few steps. You groan when Clive fully sheathes himself in you. He moves agonizingly slowly, stretching you out.

Your mouth is open, inaudible moaning into the sheets. He bends over, his chest flush against your back. You feel the leather sticking to your skin. “You’re good for me sweetheart, displaying yourself for me like that. Just for me. ” He whispers, planting wet kisses in the nape of your neck, traveling down halfway before he gets back up to increase speed.

“‘S..good..” You groan, clenching the sheets. He grabs your wrists with his armored hands. He pulls you back on his cock with each thrust, making you see stars. He’s swift in rutting his hips against you, not caring about a rhythm at all. He’s keeping you in place, surrendering to his anger and desire. “Harder.” You groan.

“Fuck.” He growls. He does as he's told, the back of his mind slowly wondering who’s in charge here. “Feels fucking good, sweetheart.” He’s fully focussed, pounding deeping in you.

“Y-yeah..” Your shaky voice is drowned out by the slapping of your ass against his leather trousers. He's rough with you, still gripping your arms tightly. You've got nowhere to go, the heat in your core building up. “C-Clive..” Your voice is more of a whimper, the assault on your cunt getting unbearable.

“Yeah, me too.” He lets go of your arms, one going to your hip, the other searching for your clit, careful not to hurt you with his spiky armor. He manages, and you moan loudly in the pillow as your body tenses. The leather glove rubbing against you has you reeling. “Ahh…” A moan escapes Clive's lips as he comes undone too, riding out your high as hard as possible. 

You collapse on the bed, Clive on his knees. After a few moments, you stand to grab a towel from a drawer on the other side of the room. “Let me clean you.” You say, parts of his armor covered in cum. You grin, as he sits on the bed with a flushed face. You take it slow, inspecting each part carefully. You clean his gloves first, then his trousers. The leather gives way, making it an easy job.

“I can do that myself.” Clive stammered, talking about his now flaccid cock covered in both of your cum.

“If you wish.” You hand over the towel, still sitting on your knees. “Have you calmed down? Do you believe me if I say that nothing special happened with any of them? That I was experimenting and getting to know my body?” Clive pulls you into an awkward hug, towel covering his privates.

“Of course. I.. was frustrated with the way both of them keep treating you. As if you were their whore.”

“So you treating me like one is a good solution?” You chuckle, and his face flushed in embarrassment.

“Sorry.” Clive lets you go after a kiss on your crown, standing up to fix his pants. “I wasn't thinking straight.” He admits, running a hand through his hair.

“It's okay.” You reply, a smile on your lips.

“Why did you want me to keep on my armor?”

“For fun. Punishment, kind of?” You shrug.

You’re still naked, and his gaze lowers. “Let me clean you.” He says, motioning with his eyes for you to get back on the bed.

“That’s not necess-”

“I think you misunderstood. I’m not going to use the towel.” It’s rare for him to see you flustered like that. It eggs him on.

“O-okay.” You climb back on the bed, glad he can’t see your face right now.

“This pretty pussy is mine.” He smirks, spreading your asscheeks while you’re back on elbows and knees. He doesn’t wait for you to speak, as his tongue gets to work. On one hand you think it’s cute he eats his heart out, on the other hand you’re embarrassed.

“I forgot what a filthy man you actually are. You know that’s both our cum you’re tasting, right?”

He plants a kiss on your overstimulated folds, a grin on his face. “I don’t care sweetheart. This is mine to enjoy, and mine alone.”

Chapter Text

The last few days went by in the blink of an eye. Clive had spent it training with you, as best preparing for this ordeal as he could. You sometimes looked at him as if he wasn’t taking it seriously. In all honesty, he wanted to hide the little pang of nervousness in his chest. He was well aware that your old thieving gang was dangerous. Even more so without access to his magic. They never had the luxury of a blast of fire from their fingertips. 

Clive was on their turf now. His feet were firmly planted in the sand. Arms raised into a fighting stance. Not an exact copy of yours, well aware of your different builds. His eyes were on his opponent. Dio didn’t have his usual smile, focussed and ready for a fight. 

The fighting pit was impressive, Clive had to admit. You and Byron were sitting above, joined by guards for protection. The arena was filled with people coming to watch, betting and jeering for the possible winner. He couldn’t hear it, mind focussed on his enemy.
The contract was signed from both sides, some kind of referee checking them for weapons. Clive and Dio were clean as far as that was concerned. Both in basic white shirts, Clive black, Dio navy blue leather trousers. Clive’s eyes darted around the premises for something unusual. His armor he had given to you for safekeeping. Byron had his sword. ‘Should I see if it fits me?’ You’d joked, trying to keep down the uneasiness in your body. He’d seen you fidget though. When this was over, he’d embrace you. Kiss you, telling you that everything was okay now. That you’d never have to worry about people hurting you. That he would be there for you always. Maybe pull out the ring he’d been keeping hidden for the right moment.

Thoughts for later. He’d make you proud first. The bell rang. Dio sprung in action, just as you said he would. The soft sand made movement slower for both sides and Clive managed to dodge an incoming right punch by side stepping to the left. “Oh, so you can dodge. Wouldn’t expect it after taking that arrow so expertly.” Dio sneers, the smile returned on his face. 

…

“Let him underestimate you, Clive.” You say, pulling him from the floor as he took your arm. You’d made him trip several moments ago, sweeping him off his feet when the balance disturbance was apparent. “It’s okay if you need to get used to the feel of fighting in the pits.”

“Luckily I don’t have to fight you in the pits. Would get swept off my feet more often.” Clive quips, and you raise an eyebrow.

“....Are you… flirting with me now?”

“Will it give me an advantage?” He asks, radiant smile on his face.

“It will against me.” You chuckle, giving him a few seconds of extra rest. Sweat is dripping from his brow, his movement slowed down from when you started a few hours ago. “But, as I was saying… Let him underestimate you. Strike when he calms down and gets that awful grin on his face.” You scrunch your nose, imagining Dio in your mind. 

…

Clive wants to have the last touch. Initiative can be Dio’s, but Founder he’s getting the last hit. His opponent follows up with another punch, aimed at his stomach. It’s fairly predictable, and Clive purposefully waits until the last moment to move the incoming arm out of his way as if he wasn’t expecting it to come. With his own arm he diverts, and his other arm swings and connects with Dio’s jaw. A swift shake of his brain inside his skull before Dio regains his composure. “I can dodge. I can punch too.” Clive replies, observing Dio who quickly recovers, back in a fighting stance. The smirk is gone.

You tensely watch the fight down below. There’s about a one and a half meter height difference from where you’re sitting to the sand where Clive is fighting. The first hit is Clive’s, which gives a nice mental advantage. “I hope he can keep this up.” You say to Byron, who’s just as intently watching as you are. The wooden benches aren’t very comfortable, and he’s shifting in place every other minute. Surrounded by a dozen guards, and you don’t feel safe. Was to be expected, since Trevor was nowhere to be seen. You’re switching between looking around, and watching the fight down below.

“He can. At least for a while. They’re just warming up.” Byron replies observantly. You can see Clive is focussed. They’re not talking a lot yet either, which is a good thing. 

Clive growls when Dio’s fist connects with his side. Retaliating, he hits the arm away, sweeping Dio’s front leg before landing a punch of his own. The two of them keep dancing around each other, not really getting the opportunity to get a damaging clean hit. “I must ask. What do you like about her?” Clive stays silent at the question, focussing his gaze on the chest of his opponent. From there, it is easiest to see incoming movement. “..Nothing?” The taunts weren’t going to work. You’d warned him enough. “Alright, I’ll keep talking then. Otherwise this gets boring quickly.” Dio says, dodging Clive’s punches in succession. He’s getting faster, and Clive is starting to work up a sweat. “I see you were a magic user, Clive Rosfield. That pinky of yours is proof enough.”

“..So what?” It’s the first time they addressed him by his real name.

“Nothing really, it’s just that you hold back with that hand.” And when Clive steps in for a hit, Dio ducks in time, propelling himself up to hit Clive hard in his stomach.

“Ugh!” Startled, Clive steps back to recover. Dio doesn’t let him, taking over the fight with a flurry of punches that Clive can only block. He manages, but is slightly surprised with the sudden speed increase. 

You grit your teeth. All within expectations, but watching this fight is agonizing. Whomever wins will still be beaten to shit. The loser is beaten to shit too. You curse, and Byron looks at you in surprise. “..Sorry.”

“No worries, I’ve heard worse.” He chuckles. You’d ask him about that later, as your gaze finds Trevor. Sitting down on a bench on the other side, betting bill in hand, no axe or bow present. “..That’s him?” Byron sees your face change.

“Yeah. That’s the bastard.” Byron nods as his guards, and half of them move in for the arrest. Removing Trevor from the equation would help. 

“..” Clive steps back, dodging an incoming low kick. I need to start doing some real damage, or we’ll be here forever. It doesn’t seem like this guy is planning to end this fight soon. Clive steps forward again, stomping on Dio’s foot. A quick flinch on his enemy’s face that he uses for another punch on the jaw. Another one on his liver.

“Ghrg.” A growl, and retaliation. Angry, hard punches coming his way. The time for feeling each other out was gone. Exhaustion was slowly setting in, and when Dio noticed a tiny opening, his fists connected with Clive’s jaw. 

The audience roars in excitement, and you growl with gritted teeth. Fresh blood splatters in the sand. Neither side gave up. Punches were getting fiercer, blocking and sidestepping less often possible. Byron’s guards have detained Trevor in his place. “He seems to be cooperating.” Byron says, eyebrow raised.

“Something is off.” You reply, uneasiness creeping up your spine. “But what?”

Dio spits out a tooth, wiping the blood from his mouth. Clive’s nose is split, a deep cut over the bridge. Blood dripped from his left eyebrow. Still, arms were raised. Breath was still in control. “You know, I’ve always wanted to fight someone of nobility.” Dio grins, sinking back into his fighting stance. “How does it feel to be dragged down to my level?” He asks, not waiting for a reply. He steps in, a flurry of blows coming Clive’s way. The audience was looking down on the fight, cheering and jeering for blood. Nothing new for Clive.

“I think you misunderstood.” Clive side steps, bringing up his knee that connects with Dio’s stomach. “You’ve been dragged down here to my level.” The air is kicked out of Dio's lungs, and he hisses in pain. He escapes, stepping back to recover.

“..Is that so? Then I’m going to enjoy this even more.” He holds up his hand briefly.

There it is. That unease is justified. You’d been focussed on the fight. For anything out of the ordinary. For Trevor, sitting back and enjoying the fight. While on the other side of the pit, a bow is being readied. You catch it from the corner of your eye. Body is already on the move. Trevor had lied. You knew that person. Cassian wasn’t dead. How the fuck did I not catch that? The crowd was dense, and you ran behind the wooden benches to reach in time. Did you really think you were faster than an arrow? “Cassian!” The moment the blonde looks at you, he lets go of the bowstring. 

“What the hell was that?” A man shouts.

“Someone fired an arrow!”

There wasn't panic, more of an outrage in the audience. Who had the audacity to interrupt their entertainment?
Clive instinctively steps back, when an arrow flies in between him and his opponent. Dio doesn’t seem surprised, casually taking the knife attached to it. Clive growls. “Can’t help but cheat?”

“We’ve had our fun, Clive Rosfield. Now it’s time for you to die in front of Y/N’s eyes.” He leaps forward, the hand sized knife brandished. 

“I said I’d kill you the next time I laid my eyes on you.” You growl. You could only hope Clive could deal with it down below. Whatever Dio threw at him.

“You have no magic anymore, Y/N. Otherwise you’d teleported towards me already.” Cassian smiles. “So, give it your best shot.” He draws a shortsword from his waist. 

Byron growls annoyed. It seems whatever precautions he and you had thought of, it seems that the jaded daggers had no trouble doing whatever they wanted. “Get my axe.” He ordered one of the remaining guards. “Escort the audience out.” Trevor had sprung into action, fighting with his guards. “It seems like the main event has started.”

Chapter Text

To remain somewhat civil, the illegal underground pit maintained a strict no weapon policy. If there were to be fights, then it would be barefisted in the pit below. You stared at Cassian’s shortsword. You only managed to smuggle a single dagger in. Byron had guards stationed outside that carried your belongings. That included your own sword and other sets of daggers. You had been confident enough that your fists could do the talking if needed. Still, you felt naked without a dagger on your person. You took it out of your coat, reverse grip at the ready. The view down into the pit was obscured with people on benches watching down below. They’d disperse the moment the two of you were going to exchange blows. 

It has come to this huh?

Cassian calmly observes you. Time had treated him gently, he still had the looks of a prince. You’d always joke that he could be part of the imperial family if he’d behave better. Like Dio, Cassian liked to dress for the occasion, nice teal garbs that were tailor made. Who were you to judge? Rolling your shoulders, you readied yourself. Halfway the moment, you already sprung into action. You weren’t going to hesitate. The Hideaway was your family now. These people had overstayed their welcome in Valisthea.  Your knife kept the sword at bay, aggressive slashing attacks to keep Cassian on his toes.
“Hey, what the fuck?!”
“They’re fighting! Let’s get outta here”
No one was going to stay around to get caught in the crossfire. Cassian paid them no mind. Neither did you. “After you left… They didn’t treat me like the little kid of the group anymore.” Cassian says in between strikes. He’s keeping up with you, much to your dismay. “I got to be the pretty one of the group.” His nose scrunches. You knew what that meant.

“What do you want me to say?” You ask, not giving him an inch.

“Nothing. I just want you to know that I resent you for turning on us like that.” He bites his lip. “And… That I miss how things were. I know you always pulled the short straw with our operations because you’re a woman.” He parries your incoming attack, a wry smile on his face as he’s being pushed back. “I regret not standing up for you back then. You didn’t deserve Dio’s punishment. After everything we went through together, he should’ve let you go.” He lunges forward, and you barely sidestep. His sword rips through your coat, grazing your skin. You can’t tell if he’s lying or not.

“Really? How long did it take you to come to that conclusion?” You retaliate, grazing his chin with your dagger.

“Trevor was heartbroken after you were taken by those bastards. The idiot was convinced he could bring you back to your senses.” You grit your teeth.

“My senses…” You speed up your attacks. “So that I could just go back to stealing from the people that didn’t deserve it?” The clangs of metal on metal grab the attention of the last bystanders, and they flee. Running over each other, not caring for the person standing next to them. Cassian falls quiet, not granting you an answer. He cannot keep up with your speed. Still, he pushes you back with the reach of his weapon. You jump on the now cleared benches, taking the higher ground. Cassian slices at your legs, and you jump once more. “I’m sorry you made the wrong choice. I have a real family now. They care for me, even with my flaws. I can trust they don’t whip me when our views don’t align. They talk to me like I’m just like them. Not someone they can use to con other people.” You looked down on Cassian, eyes narrow.

Cassian furrows his brows, jumping up on the bench as well. One arm behind his back, he takes a lower fighting stance. Your weapons clash again. You’re not moving back, parrying and evading his fast strikes. Until your opening. He lunges again, and you drop to your knees as the blade goes overhead. Your dagger strikes true as you use a hammer hitting move to drive it into his heart. “Y/N…” His eyes are wide as he looks down at you. No words are exchanged as the life in his eyes fade.

Byron brandishes his axe. The bastard that visited his home stands in front of him with a slight smirk. He’s okay with being underestimated. He’s not okay with his guards being murdered, however. “You’re not leaving here alive, boy.” Byron takes a step forward.

“Boy? I’m almost forty, you old coot.” Trevor replies, taking out a dagger from his clothes.

“Well, you look like a brat to me.” The men growl at each other, before Byron makes the first move. An axe could be advantageous as long as he is out of slashing reach. Trevor barely side steps as Byron smashes the wooden bench that was in between them. 

Clive dodges Dio’s attack. He moves back, the sleeve of his shirt rips, blade cutting through. “I’ve trained plenty of times like this with Y/N, you know.” Clive ignored the taunt. “She’s a good fighter.” The compliment was odd, and Clive felt uneasy. It felt like he was playing right into his opponent’s hands. He moves his arm in, to block a slash right before it gets dangerous. Still, Dio doesn’t let go of the weapon. Blocks a punch with his other arm too. “I tried to cut her, while she had to learn how to block.” Dio explains, a small smile on his lips. “Those little gasps in surprise, those were worth it, Rosfield. I’m sure you-” Clive’s jaw tightens.

“She’s not an object. She doesn't have buttons you can push whenever you’re bored.” Clive twists his body, grabbing the arm that still holds the knife. In a smooth motion he uses his back to throw Dio over and into the ground. With a loud thud, Dio is thrown into the sand. Clive watches his surprised face with a glare. “Neither am I.” He adds.

Dio is quick on the uptake, rolling over and pulling his arm free. A bloody grin appears on his face. “You make a good couple.” Dio admits. “She always desperately tried to do good in between. Like she hadn’t earned the money. While her father abused her without remorse.” A hit of melancholy on his face as it briefly softened.

“Drop the knife and surrender.” Clive warns. He wasn’t giving in.

“Surrender? I’m just warming up, Rosfield. I’d like to get to know you a little better. What about you is good enough for her?” Clive growls as Dio once again springs into action. He’s not slowing down, and Clive matches his speed. Still, small cuts on his thighs and shoulders make it through in the exchange of blows. “Urgh.” Dio growls, the short hook in his lower stomach true. “You can fight, that’s for sure. And you have a decent face.”

“Ghh!” Clive steps back in time, the knife cutting into his chin. Blood drips down his throat. Both sides are panting. Clive raises his arms again.

“..It’s your status, isn’t it? Are you rich, Rosfield?” Dio attacks. Clive can’t help but chuckle.

“Not a dime to my name.” He replies as he fights off the assault. Legs heavy, he still steps to the side for a punch in Dio’s liver. “Not a house that I can call my own.” Another punch on his jaw. Dio steps back, watching Clive’s raised arms. “She still wants to marry me.” Clive smiles, the ring on his pinky shining briefly. Dio’s face falls for a second.

“Let me help crush that flimsy dream.” Dio grunts, dashing forward again. Faster than Clive expected. He blocks the knife, and Dio lets go of it, snatching it with his left hand.

“Urgh!” Clive grunts in pain as the weapon sinks in his thigh. Dio pulls it out with a grin, moving behind Clive. Blood is rapidly gushing out the wound, Clive briefly distracted by the blinding pain in his leg. In the blink of an eye, Clive’s hair is pulled, bloody knife held against his throat.

“ Y/N! IT’S OVER! Where are you?! Show me your face when I’m going to off your husband!”

“Fuck!” Clive struggles as the blade is pressed further into his skin. He fucked up. Thought he had the upper hand, it was over in the blink of an eye. 

“I’m back, Byron-” You freeze when Dio’s voice booms in the pit. Your head whips towards Clive, and you see him battered and bloody, knife against his throat. Trevor is still alive. Byron doesn’t have a scratch on him. You exchange a glance with him, as sweat drips down your back. “I'm sorry. I have to do it.” You drop your coat, it’s ripped and useless now. Staring down into the pit, Clive is in trouble.

“Girl…an exchange is not what he wants.” People were dispersing, the sudden hostage situation not what they signed up for. A few stayed to watch the outcome, and Byron already nodded to his guards.

“I know. But I’m prepared.” You down the contents of a flask that you grabbed from your coat. Gritting your teeth, you take the jump down into the sand, ignoring the look on Byron's face. He was silent, not finding the words to say anymore.

“Let him go!” You shouted, landing, carefully rolling forward to not break your ankles this time. And keep everything intact. You refrained from throwing the dagger tucked in the back of your shirt. “Please!” You say, staying on your knees. The sand was a soft cushion, as you planted your hands in it. You looked up at Dio, holding Clive by his hair a few meters away. Fingers curled in his dark strands, tugging hard to show he was serious. The knife was drawing blood, and you felt panic rise in your chest.

“Let him go? He lost the fight.” Dio questioned, grinning. You were smart enough to not call out his blatant cheating. Knives were forbidden, and he was holding one against Clive's throat. You purposely didn't look at Clive, his gaze burning on you. You weren't supposed to intervene. That was not what you had discussed. He should've known you're a liar.

“You want me right?! Just tell me what you want, I'll do it if you let him go.” You stated, still looking at Dio. The man grinned.

“Kill yourself. Then I'll let him walk away.” A menacing smirk sent shivers down your spine. You swallowed.

“W-what?”

“N-n-” Clive tried, but Dio tightened his grip, effectively shutting him off.

“H-how.” You stuttered, not trying to be affected by the situation in front of you.

“Don't be stupid. You're just like me. Pull out the knife you carry.” You flinched, the comparison hurting more than the truth. You obeyed, taking out the knife that was tucked in your waistband. You stared at it for a moment, your hands trembling. Is this it? “Go on. I'm waiting.” Dio stated, looking enthralled.

“Get that knife off his throat.” You demanded. You were really going to off yourself for the man he was currently holding at knifepoint.

“Is it really worth it to off yourself for him? Is his dick that good?” He asked, demanding an answer as he tugged Clive's hair again, removing the blade slightly away.

“Ngh! Don't do it!” Clive tried, blood trickling down his throat. Your eyes glazed over, and the tears were out before you could blink.

“...Sorry Clive. Sorry for what I'm about to do.” You locked eyes with him, seeing the panic on his face. The hurt in his eyes.

“No! Please! Take me!” Dio watched the scene unfold, both of you choking back sobs. “P-pleas-” You couldn't bear to hear his pleas anymore. You would waver.

A final silent apology uttered from your mouth before you buried the knife in your shirt, the left side of your stomach. “Gghhh.” Your face contorted in pain as you dragged the knife across your abdomen. You groaned in pain, as blood gushed from the cut. Clive watched in horror, tears running down his face. Why do the people he loves sacrifice themselves for him? Why did they want him to live so desperately?

“No…” Clive uttered, slowly going mad. Dio watched, fully focussed on you. The sand below you turned crimson, pooling quickly.

“Haahh…” You doubled over, not being able to stay upright anymore as you kept groaning in pain. The knife fell from your hands, covered in blood. And then you were silent, head softly pressed into the sand. 

Dio tugged Clive's hair once more, earning him a choked whine. “Trevor, check if she's dead!” He commanded, looking up. His companion nodded, jumping down the same way you had done moments ago. Dio tugged Clive's hair again to keep him in check. With bated breath both watched as Trevor approached you with slow steps. Blood was still pooling below you. Dagger in one hand, the other on your neck.

“....”

“Well?” Dio urged.

“No pulse. She's dead.” Trevor stated, looking back with a small smile.

“No! NO!” Clive shouted, tears still running down his face. Dio burst out laughing, letting Clive go.

“Come on. We did what we came for. Let's go to the next target.” Dio suggested, turning to leave, not caring about his captive anymore. Trevor followed him.

Clive wailed, crawling over to you while ignoring the burning pain in his leg. “This can't be happening…” He cried out in disbelief, covering your body with his own, as if still trying to protect you. You were cold, the sand sticking to your bloodied frame. He didn't care. “Why?! Joshua already had to sacrifice himself for me, and now you too!” He sobbed, tears staining you. But it was not your fault. Someone ordered you. Rage boiled in Clive's veins, his head snapping towards his enemies. “I'll kill you! I'll fucking kill you!” He screamed, voice breaking as he moved back in rage. He was going mad with grief. His knees were shaking as he got up, glaring at Dio and Trevor. Their backs were still towards him, their laughter piercing his ears.

“ Tchk….Tchk.” His sword appeared on his right side, sticking out from the sand. Your sword on your left. Byron Rosfield with a smirk on his face.

“My boy!” Why was he smirking?

“...The fight…starts now.” Your voice. Clive froze, looking down at you. Your arms moved, pushing yourself up. Barely a whisper, until you crawled up on one knee. Left hand grabbing your sword for support. A mad grin on your face, lower half of your body drenched in blood. “I'll need your help.” You said, emerald hues piercing his blues.

“W-what?” Clive stammered . You sprung into action, sword switching to your dominant arm as you sprinted towards Dio. Clive pushed all thoughts aside, hand gripping his sword to follow you. His leg protested, but he couldn’t care less. Was he hallucinating?

Dio was just in time to react to your attack. You still manage to cut his arm as he tries to side step. “What the-”

“You fucking monster.” Trevor growls, his dagger aimed at your heart. A well aimed giant slab of steel interferes. Clive is just in time, cutting off Trevor’s arms. The blood curdling scream brings a smirk to his face.

The moment Clive has retracted the Invictus, you move in to pierce Trevor with your sword. Clive switches places with you, lunging towards Dio before he can retaliate. “You were the monster all along, Trevor.” You say as you kick his body of your sword, watching him growl in anger in his last moments.

“How?! Why can’t you just die?!” Dio screams, desperately trying to keep Clive back with his dagger. You and Clive only need to exchange a glance. He stays silent, the Invictus piercing the flimsy dagger in Dio’s wounded hand before striking through his chest. You backstab Dio in true thief fashion.

“You should’ve fought me instead. And not play around with Clive.” You whisper, holding back pants. “In the desert.. not resorting to your cheap tricks.” Clive watches his enemy grunt in pain, the blood gushing from his mouth. “Say hello to my father, wouldya?” Your final words before you pull your sword out, dropping it in the sand.

“I’ll… see you in Hell… Y/N.” Dio replies, body going limp.

Clive kicks him off his sword, before holding it in quick motion against the side of your neck. He’s glaring, dried tears on his cheeks. “You’ve got some explaining to do.”

“..I know.” You give him a wry smile as you drag yourself over to him.

Clive drops his sword in the sand, standing on his last leg. “It’s over…” He matches your smile. You wrap your arms around him, trying to support him. He sees you wobble, wrapping his arms around your upper back to hold you up. Together you stand for a moment in an awkward supportive and extremely tight hug before both your bodies give out. 

Chapter Text

Groggily, you open your eyes. Familiar bed. Byron’s estate. Your body is heavy, and it feels like you swallowed a gigantic loaf of bread. “...It wasn’t a dream, right?” You ask out loud.

“Certainly not.” Clive answers, lying next to you. The bed was large enough for the both of you, comfortably on your back. Your head turns to the side. Clive’s eyebrow has stitches, as does his chin. You lift up the sheets to look at your stomach. “Mind telling me how you survived cutting yourself open?” He doesn’t look at you. Not yet. You stare at fresh bandages wrapped around your midsection. Weird but true, as you only had a shallow horizontal cut.

“Chocobo intestines filled with blood.” You smirk at his scrunched up nose. Which in turn pulls at his stitches. He grunts. “Your uncle’s idea, to be fair. I asked him if there was anything that could hold blood safely. Apparently, chocobo intestines are used for blood transfusions and stuff.”

“I’ll need you to take a few steps back here.” Clive says, finding your hand under the blankets. There’s currently no one else in the room. His voice is slow.

You nod. “Unlike me, right? To think ahead.” You look back at the ceiling, holding his hand. “They weren’t going to rest until I was dead. Dio fighting with you was a farce anyway. There would always be a moment where they would somehow corner you, and I planned for that exact moment. Not that great, and it could have gone wrong in so many ways…” The longer you thought about it, the stupider you felt. That blood pouch could’ve ripped during your fight with Cassian. He almost managed. Dio could’ve wanted you to slice your throat instead of your stomach that had the blood wrapped around your stomach with bandages.

“But it didn’t.” Clive confirmed. “It went exactly how you planned it. Without telling me anything.” A sting in your chest as you felt anger rise in his voice.

“Byron knew what I was planning. Got me supplies for my play-dead tonic. I found the recipe while you were poisoned.” A wry smile on your lips. “You’re a terrible liar Clive,” You continue. “Imagine being held at knifepoint, while I’m on the verge of killing myself while you don’t bat an eyelash and be awkward. That’s going to raise suspicion.” You glance back, seeing his irritated face.

“Okay, fair, but-”

“I’m sorry.” You interrupt. “Plan or not, I would’ve done it anyway.” You admit. “What’s my life without you in it?”

“Y/N, you can’t just-” You flash him a smug smile as you see his face soften unwillingly.

“Yes I can.” You scoot over to him, bumping hips. He finally turns to look at you. He sighs, corners of his mouth tugging upwards.

He moves, letting go of your hand. “Fine.” He says. With his free arm, he grabs something from the nightstand on his side. You watch with widened eyes as he gently takes your left hand and puts a ring around your designated finger. It’s cold, rather heavy. A solid golden ring around your digit. “A bit late, and I apologize for the wait.” Clive smirks before kissing your knuckles softly. “I love you.” His lips are soft on your skin, and your face flushes.

“W-wow. Where did you get that.” You stammer, no idea what to say.

“I’m not telling you.” He replies amused. You roll your eyes before trying to move over towards him.

“Fuck.” A sting of pain in your stomach.

“Hey. Take it easy.” Clive props himself up, careful not to hurt his leg.

“Move over towards me then! You villain! I can’t even kiss you like this.” You say, crossing your arms as you sink back into the bed.

“So impatient.” Clive grins, dragging himself closer, laying his head on your pillow. You only need to move your head to the side. And you do, placing your hand on his cheek. He does the same on yours. His face is warm, stubble gentle on your fingertips.

“I’ll marry you any day of the week, Clive Rosfield.”

He grins as you press your lips on his. “Same to you, Lady Rosfield.” Clive murmurs, teeth briefly clashing as his mouth opens for you. His tongue is gentle. You both take the time to enjoy the moment, lips pressed against each other

“...So, what exactly does it entail, getting married?” You ask after Clive moves back slightly to catch his breath.

“You’re seriously asking me this now?”

“You don’t know either, do you?” You reply when Clive raises an eyebrow.

He smirks at your accusation. “My lady, I do in fact know what marriage is.” His upbringing had him attend plenty.

“Well, I only have book knowledge, so enlighten me before I’m expecting something different altogether.”

“Maybe I’d like that.” Clive chuckles. “Like when you kissed me after our first dinner.”

“Fuck, I knew it. Too much right?” You say, shaking your head.

“...Not at all.” Clive admits with a smile. “I knew you were the one for me that day.”

“Really? You kept that hidden incredibly well.” You snort.

“I was a little occupied, in my defense.” He replied casually. You scoot over to lie on his shoulder, still on your back. A moment of silence passes, your breathing calm and even. Absent-mindedly, Clive rubs circles on your hip with his thumb. He glances down at you when you open your mouth to speak.

“..Can I cook for you sometime again?” You ask distractedly.

“Of course, why? I thought you hated it.” You get a puzzled look.

“I think I want to make an exception for you.”

“I’d be delighted to eat anything you make.”

“It won’t be anything fancy.”

“That’s okay.”

“It might not be good, it’s been a while.”

“Sweetheart, I don’t care.”

“Is there anything you don’t like?”

“Cold soup.” A shiver goes down Clive’s spine. Too many of those in the Imperial army.

You scrunch your nose. “As if I’d make that.”

“Just saying.”

“Any favorites?”

“That stew you made for me and Cid back in the day.” He was fast to respond, and you snorted. “Hey. That was the best I’d eaten in months, if not years.”

“Fine, I can definitely make that. When we get back to the Hideaway I’ll ask Molly.”

Clive hums in appreciation. “Will you spar with me again?” He asks then.

“Spar? What do you mean?” You question, looking at him warily.

“Swordfighting.”

“Ah, so you can pay me back for the last few days?”

“Hmmm.” Your fingers prick him in his side. Clive yelps in response, squeezing your side.

“H-hey!” You growl, ready to poke him again.

“I enjoyed practicing with you.” Clive says, and your face softens. “And you’ve gotten good. I might go serious on you next time.”

“Wow, thanks.” You reply sarcastically, and Clive chuckles, kissing your crown softly.

“We’re basically already married.” He jokes, radiant smile on his face. It’s contagious and so you smile too. Your eyes are back on the ceiling. A breath escapes your lips.

“I feel like there's a load off my back. You defeated Ultima, and we got rid of some pesky assholes. I feel so light.” You muse, a goofy grin on your face. “And thus our journey ends.” You’re smiling, happy that it’s all over.

Clive pulls you closer to him, kissing your crown again. “And our lives begin.”