Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Holli sat up with a sigh, blearily rubbing her eyes. Her mum had been getting on the piss with a bunch of her wank friends well into the early hours of the morning. Never mind that Holli had school this morning...

She'd managed a few hours of sleep at least, long enough to have a string of nonsensical dreams featuring mostly fictional characters from books she had read.

Shunting her exhaustion to the side, she got up, slipped on her uggs and headed to the door, pushing her dressing table out of the way.

With a bunch of drunks and druggies in her house, she had learnt a long time ago it was safer to barricade herself in her room if she wanted to have any sense of safety.

After a night like that, the first thing she always did was check on her mum. She found the woman in the lounge, crashed out on the floor. There were others around in similar condition, but she didn't much care about them. She checked her mum was still alive before shifting her into the recovery position. The woman had nearly killed herself—a few times actually—in the past because of shit like this, and overdosing, and alcohol poisoning.

Her mum made shit decisions and could be an abusive bitch on the wrong substance or when she'd gone without for too long, then she could also be really fun and awesome on the right combination. But Holli loved her. Candace was her mum.

With her mum taken care of, she went back to her room and grabbed her school uniform before shuffling down the hallway to the bathroom to get ready for the day. There was already a lock on this door, so she didn't need to barricade it.

At least today was the start of their school trip; she'd be away from this bullshit for a week. But she did worry about her mother. Who would make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit? Who would call an ambulance if she OD'ed or got alcohol poisoning again?

Holli got on well enough with the old lady next door and might be able to ask her. But Mrs. Polatsky really didn't like Candace and made no effort to hide it. She got the feeling the only reason she was nice to Holli was because she felt sorry for her. It rubbed Holli the wrong way, but she wasn't going to cause trouble over it. It got her hot meals and baked goods from time to time. And if she lay on the charm enough, it might get her someone to make sure her mum didn't die.

Holli doubted the old woman would wade through drugs, vomit, booze, and unconscious bodies to check on a woman she despised. But it was worth a try.

The thought of getting some kind of wellness check had crossed her mind, but that could bring in police and social workers. Holli worked pretty hard to make sure no one knew what home was like. She didn't want it getting out and being spread all around school somehow. Her private business was her private business. Her closest friends suspected all wasn't right at home, but she lied when they asked.
At least she could take comfort in the fact it had been a long time since her mum had needed her life saved. But did that mean she was getting better at taking care of herself? Or that she was due for something terrible?

Dammit, that would eat at her the whole week.

Of course she had her cell phone and could text her mum, unfortunately, the woman wasn't very reliable at texting back. No reply from her would also make Holli worry.

Once out of the shower, Holli dressed and styled her hair to hide her stupid ears. Though people had stopped making fun of how pointed they were now, it was ingrained in her to keep them hidden. The ends of them were deformed—pointed. She'd tried to hide it with a buttload of piercings, but that wasn't as effective as she'd hoped. Hiding it with her hair and hats was the best way.

When she was a child being bullied for her stupid ears, she used to imagine she was an elf. Who hadn't seen Lord of the Rings? But her ears weren't quite the same. Not as pretty and delicate. Just deformed.
With her ears safely hidden, Holli was ready for school. There was no food in the fridge or cupboards, so no point in breakfast. She penned a note to her mum reminding her where she would be for the week and having to bite down on the bitter voice in her head that told her Candace probably wouldn't even notice she was gone. Holli grabbed her school bag and her duffel with her trip stuff and left the house.

It was a bit nippy outside; her uniform and scarf didn't do much to keep the cold out, and oh, how she hated the cold. Her school jacket wasn't as warm as she'd like either, even with the long-sleeved thermal top underneath. But once at camp, she'd be able to discard the tartan skirt, stockings, and blazer for mufti clothes all week. And she had some warm hoodies in there, her pea coat, and her oh so comfortable fluffy socks and snow boots.

When she grew up, she was going to move somewhere warm and then never set foot in the cold again.

Getting to the school gate, she smirked inwardly at seeing one of her classmates, Ginny Pike. The bitch had been trying to crawl to top of their class all year now. She had even accused Holli of cheating to maintain her spot. As if she needed to.

Holli had started to expend a bit of effort in maintaining that spot since Pike arrived. But it wasn't hard. Holli knew she was smart; it was one of the only good things about her. She could absorb information at a phenomenal rate and retain it indefinitely. It made school easy since exams were just tests of memory most of the time...

Holli usually tried not to excel too much though. If she did too well, they'd contact her mum about advanced classes or courses. Too low, and they'd contact her mum about the drop—is everything all right at home? Does she need tutoring sessions? But she didn't want them to stay so low that she tanked any chance at scholarships for uni. It was a bit of a balancing act. She wanted to go to med school. The plan was to start excelling in her final year. It might not be as effective as doing consistently well the whole time, but she would manage.

But this time, Holli couldn't resist crushing Ginny Pike and had been doing super well since Pike had made a dig about her cheating. Her marks had soared to heights Pike could never reach no matter how hard she tried. It was petty and could blow her whole not-too-much-attention thing, but Holli had gone with it anyway. Fuck Ginny Pike.

"Holli!"

Holli looked up to see her friend Yvette on the stairs. She joined her, leaning against the railing.

"Hey," she greeted.

Yvette grinned. "Ginny's been giving you dagger eyes since you walked through the gate."

"Number two can dagger eyes all she wants; it ain't gonna help her."

Yvette laughed.

"Let's go inside, fucking freezing out here..."

"Gonna be worse where we're going."

"But my own clothes are warmer than my uniform."

"It'll probably just balance out then," Yvette grinned.

Holli cast her a half-hearted glare for trying to dash her hopes.

"So stupid. They should have just let us come in mufti," Yvette grumbled.

Holli grunted her agreement as they passed through the doors, their shoes squeaking on the corridor floor. She could hear footsteps behind her, and a body suddenly pushed in between the two girls, arms slung over their shoulders.

"'Sup, bruvs?"

"'Sup, Curtis?"

"We all ready for our trip, ma wee darlings?" He asked, sarcasm oozing off of him.

Their friend had not been keen on it. He wasn't the outdoorsy type. Or the manual labour type. Or the exert-any-kind-of-effort-whatsoever type...

He thought it was unfair they had to wait until they were on their last year of school before they could go on an overseas school trip. He wanted to go to America.

Honestly, given the shitshow that place was becoming, Holli wouldn't want to go there.

Besides, school left that kind of trip for the last year because there weren't many of them left by then. Easier to keep track of them when they number single digits. A couple more years though...

"Where's your bag?" Holli asked, noticing he wasn't carrying an extra for all his trip gear.

"On the bus, saving my seat."

"They let you do that?" Yvette asked, annoyed.

"Lou was there, and you know how he loves me."

"Probably just gave you what you want so you'd leave," Yvette snarked.

Curtis shoved her lightly. "Fuck off, everybody loves me."

Holli reckoned he was more of an acquired taste, but whatever...

-

Before going out to the bus, they had to go to class so the teacher could take roll and make sure they all had everything they would need for the week. She also wanted to go over the rules, itinerary, and cabin groups. Obviously girls and boys couldn't share the same cabin, so Curtis had to bunk with some of the boys in their class. He wasn't that happy about it since he didn't really get on all that well with them. Most of them afraid of catching the gay. Idiots.

Once that was all done, they were released to go out to the bus. Holli slung her duffel over her shoulder and followed her classmates, veering off at the bathroom to take a quick piss before getting on the bus. It would take hours to get there, and she didn't know if they were going to be allowed to stop along the way.

Before the door could even close, she heard the sound of screaming and yelling out in the halls; seconds later, it was followed by a popping sound. Lots of pops. She could hear feet running in the hallway.

It took her a few moments to realise what was happening. Those were gunshots!

She backed away from the door, her eyes darting around for somewhere to hide or a way out. The only places were the stalls. The window was small, high up and didn't open wide enough. She could smash it, but it was still too high. Even if she tried to stand on her duffel.

The door slammed open and her heart jumped into her throat, she turned to face the new arrival, breathing a sigh of relief to see it was one of her classmates, unarmed. The relief died quickly when she registered the blood all over her.

"Katie!" Holli gasped, going to help her.

Katie made it all of two steps before she collapsed, Holli dropping to her knees with her as she tried to help her. Katie was crying, and Holli didn't know what to do. Her breath was coming out in ragged gasps as panic started to set in. Pressure! She had to put pressure on the wound. She'd learnt this in first aid, for fuck's sake. Get it together!

There hadn't been a school shooting since Dunblane if she was remembering correctly, and with the stress of the situation, she wasn't sure she trusted her memory right now.

Holli thought she found the source of the bleeding, pressing her hands to it, her duffel getting in the way a bit. But she was too scared to take her hands off, fearing Katie would bleed out if Holli attempted to shrug off her duffel and back pack.

The door opened again, and Holli looked up, her eyes widening at the kid who walked in. He was dressed in a black puffer and jeans, a gun in his hand. She recognised him. He had been a couple of years above her, on his last year of school when he had been expelled. Why he'd been expelled was unknown to her, but rumours had run rampant. That he was a rapist, that he'd been selling drugs on school grounds, that he had been performing satanic rituals in the prop storage room under the stage... Obviously, some were more ridiculous than others.

Before she could do anything, he fired. It didn't hurt the first second or two; she felt the impact, but not pain as she dropped back. She awkwardly fell over her bag, which probably made the pain that started a second later feel a whole hell of a lot worse.

She looked up at him—Ray? Roy?—as she tried to put pressure on her own gunshot wounds. He looked so... empty; resigned maybe.

Everything up until now had felt like it had happened in the blink of an eye, but as he advanced on her, it was like slow motion, sound muffled. All she could hear were his footsteps on the lino and her heartbeat in her ears.

And for some reason, everything was starting to turn green—a strange green light forming above him. He raised the gun again, seemingly oblivious to the light. It was getting brighter and brighter, so bright she had to close her eyes. Her hands fisted into her shirt, soaked with blood—some of it hers, some of it Katies.

She squeezed her eyes shut, and then she heard the bang.

Chapter Text

Holli shivered, rolling over, her hand reaching out for the blankets. She fucking hated the cold.

Two things hit her in that moment. The agony in her hand and chest, and a restriction of her arms.

Her eyes opened, trying to make sense of everything. She was in a dark, stone room that looked like a bloody dungeon. It was dimly lit, a couple of torches in the darkest corners and a barred hole in the wall. She would have called it a window, but it had no glass. And her hands were in some kind of stockade, one of them glowing a sickening green from what appeared to be some kind of crack in her skin. Where there should have been blood and tissue, there was only the glow.

What the hell...?

Her last memories hit her then too, just fragments of them, with all the force of a kick to the gut. She had been shot!

Her eyes darted around the room again. This definitely wasn't the bathroom at school. Nor was it a hospital.

"What the actual fuck...?" She whispered to herself.

Looking down at herself, she saw she was only in the lower half of her uniform; her shirt and blazer had been swapped out for some kind of canvas or linen thing that was too big and not warm enough. Her uniform would have been covered in blood she supposed, and had holes in it.

She couldn't see down her shirt to see what happened to the bullet wounds, but since she was still alive, she figured they had been treated.

Didn't answer the other immediate questions: Where was she and—?

Her hand suddenly flashed, the light blinding. She couldn't bite back the squeal of pain that it caused.

The door to her... cell? suddenly burst open, the iron bars slamming against the stone wall. She flinched at the sound, watching two women stalk into the room. One practically glowed with anger; the other looked like a blank slate, expression carefully neutral.

Holli didn't buy it. Were they going to go for a good cop, bad cop thing? And why? Why was she even locked up?

The angry woman circled her, glaring down at her.

"Where am I?" Holli asked. "How did I get here? Who are you? Why are you dressed like that? What is this?" She held her glowing hand up as much as the restraint would allow. It was heavy. "What happened to that dude? I- I don't think I was alone, there was a girl? Where's my mum?"

The questions just poured out of her as she tried to piece her memories together, but there were gaps. Gaping holes.

The two women exchanged a look, and Holli noticed a barely perceptible softening of the angry woman.

"What is your name?" She asked, less fury in her voice than in her eyes.

"Holiday Whitlock. Everyone just calls me Holli."

"Holiday Whitlock, we were hoping you could tell us what that thing on your hand is. And why you were the only person to survive the explosion."

Sounded more like an accusation.

"Explosion? He set off a bomb!?"

"'He'?" The other one asked, her eyes narrowed.

"The shooter. There was a shooter... I can't- I can't remember who it was. Christ, everyone else died!?"

Did they? This whole situation seemed wrong. Were they even talking about the same event?

"Including the Divine," the shorter-haired woman said. The statement sounded more testing than accusatory.

This gave her pause. "Divine? What's the Divine?"

The women exchanged another look Holli couldn't decipher.

"What do you remember?"

"I was at school; we were getting ready to go to camp. I had to take a quick slash-"

"Slash?"

"A piss. I-needed-to-ur-in-ate." She enunciated slowly and clearly as if they were children. "I went to the bathroom." Her voice dropped as she recalled the terror of it, the disbelief at first. "Then the screaming started... and the shooting..."

The screams and pops echoed around her head and she squeezed her eyes shut and shook it, hoping to banish them.

"Katie came in; she had blood all over her." Holli could feel tears stinging her eyes, and she tried to blink them back. "I can't remember. There was blood... and a green light maybe?" Her voice hardened, and she glared up at the woman. "Next thing I know, I'm here. Where is here? What is going on? How am I even still alive?"

The angry woman sighed, deflating with it. "It would appear Solas was correct."

Holli didn't know who the hell Solas was.

"Head to the forward camp, Leliana. We will meet you there."

Leliana nodded and left the room. The other woman crouched in front of her, unlocking the stockade.

"I am Seeker Cassandra Pentagast. And you are in Haven, in the Frostback Mountains of Ferelden"

Holli just stared, unsure what to do with this information because it wasn't making sense to her. And while she wasn't much else, she was smart. Maybe she had a head wound? That would make it difficult to comprehend their words.

"And where- where is London?" She asked weakly.

"No such place exists here, as far as I know." She tied Holli's hands with rope this time, hauling her to her feet. "And as for your hand... Well, let's get outside first."

She kept her hand firmly around Holli's arm, forcing her to walk. Holli fell into her own thoughts, Pentagasts words swirling in her mind. Part of her was still trying to make them make sense, to slot them into place with what she already knew of reality. Another part of her was taking in everything around her. The building was made of wood and stone; light sources were all torches and candles. No electricity...

They came to a pair of large, heavy wooden doors, which Pentagast pushed open. The daylight was practically blinding, and Holli had to shield her eyes while she waited for them to adjust. When she could see clearly, it was the sky that drew her attention first. There was some kind of swirling... hole? in it. There were giant rocks floating around it, and things were falling out of it. More rocks?

"We call it 'the Breach.' It is a massive rift into the world of demons that grows larger with each passing hour."

What the actual fuck? Did she die? Was this some kind of weird afterlife? A coma dream? This couldn't be real.

"It's not the only such rift. Just the largest." She turned to look at Holli. "All were caused by the explosion at the Conclave."

Conclave? The Fade? Demons? Holli could only stare at her, dumbfounded.

"Unless we act, the Breach may grow until it swallows the world."

The Breach pulsed, growing larger, the shock of it shaking the earth. In the same instant, it felt like her hand exploded, the light flashing. She cried out and dropped to the ground, trying to ease the pain and mildly surprised to see her hand still there and intact.

Pentagast crouched in front of her again. "Each time the Breach expands, your mark spreads. And it is killing you."

"I think... I think I've already died. None of this is right. I shouldn't be here," she said it quietly, afraid of saying it out loud but unsure why.

The woman sighed. "You have not died. But you're right; you do not belong here. Solas suspected you came from... somewhere else. Another world."

"And does this 'Solas' know how I can get home?"

"I do not know. My concern right now is the Breach. And that mark on your hand may be the key to stopping it. But there isn't much time."

"Because it's killing me."

The woman nodded, not even trying to sugarcoat it.

"Fine. I'll help. But I want your word we will figure out how to remove it and get me home."

Whether or not Holli could trust this woman, she had no idea. But she didn't know what else to do. She was still just trying to process this whole situation and piece together the holes in her memory.

"You have my word," she said, helping Holli to her feet.

"And can I get some kind of jacket? It's fucking freezing."

She nodded, walking Holli through the town she was only now starting to notice. There were plenty of people about, and they were glaring. Some people were even looking at her with fear. One woman spat in her path.

"Why?" She whispered to the Seeker.

"They believe you are responsible."

"Are they retarded?"

She shot Holli a glare for that comment. "They do not know the circumstances. They know only that you survived what killed everyone else and that your mark is connected to the Breach. They are grief-stricken and afraid. They mourn our Most Holy, Divine Justinia, Head of the Chantry. The Conclave was hers."

"A woman in charge of a religious order? Don't see that very often," she muttered.

"This was a chance for peace between mages and templars. She brought their leaders together. Now they are dead."

"Mages? As in... magic? Dungeons and Dragons kinda stuff?"

She side-eyed her. "Of course. Then you have mages where you come from too?"

"No. Magic is... fiction. Movie and video game stuff. We don't have dungeons or dragons either. Well, dungeons maybe. But not the same."

She had been doing a good job of keeping the panic at bay, she'd thought, but the more she learned about bizarro world, the harder it was to fight it off.

"Wait, do you have dragons here?"

"Of course," she replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "In here," she said, opening the door to one of the houses they were walking by. From the wardrobe in the corner she pulled out a hooded black fur cloak, fixing it around Holli's shoulders. Not the best, but better than nothing. It would help hide her clothes as well, which were mismatched, a mess, and aside from the shirt, not of this world.

Cassandra pulled a dagger from her belt and cut the rope binding Holli's hands.

"I don't suppose you have any kind of combat training?" Cassandra asked as she ushered Holli out the door.

"No. Do I need some?"

"It would be ideal."

Honestly, right now, coma dream was the ideal scenario. At least then it was just a dream and none of this mattered. Maybe even dying here would wake her up. If she was dead or had indeed somehow jumped worlds, then this was her reality, and it was cold and terrifying.

They left the town, passing through a gate and stepping out onto a bridge. The wind hit harder out here, and Holli pulled her cloak tighter around herself, wrapping herself in it like a blanket.

"Are we going to try and close the Breach right now?" She asked.

"No, we must test you on something smaller."

Holli followed Cassandra closely, wary of the armed men and women out here who were giving her the stink eye, almost as fierce as Ginny Pike.

Holli couldn't help but wonder what the situation back home was. How many of her classmates had been killed? Injured? Had he been stopped?

Was her mum sitting at her bedside in the hospital? Preparing her funeral? Or wondering where she was?

She just couldn't understand how this was happening, on the off chance it wasn't a coma dream. Part of her didn't want to go there; another part knew not to discard anything just yet, no matter how impossible it may seem.

She followed Cassandra out the gates and up the hill in silence. She watched the Breach as she walked. It was massive, and the swirling vortex hypnotising. How they expected her to close it with her little old hand was beyond her.

It flashed and grew, and she felt it in her hand, losing her step and biting her tongue to keep the scream in.

Cassandra came and crouched in front of her again. "The pulses are coming faster now."

"Sucks to be me then," she muttered through gritted teeth, hauling herself to her feet.

She fell into step beside the older woman, pulling her cloak tightly again.

"The larger the Breach grows, the more rifts appear, and the more demons we face."

"What do you know about how I came to be here?"

Did her arrival cause the explosion? It wasn't a question she wanted to ask out loud on the off chance they hadn't considered that yet. The last thing she wanted was to prove they had reason to blame her.

"Only that you appeared from a rift, a figure behind you."

"I appeared after the explosion? Who was the figure?"

"Yes, after. Nobody knows who the figure was, only that they glowed bright as the sun."

If she appeared after, maybe her arrival wasn't responsible then.

They stepped onto another bridge, the wind hitting harder with the absence of cover from the mountain, trees, and rocks. A loud noise from the Breach shook the ground beneath them; the next thing Holli knew, the bridge collapsed, she and Cassandra tumbling down over the broken stone and hitting cold, solid ice below.

Her skin burned where the ice touched it, and she wasn't sure, but she might have broken or fractured something on the way down. The wind had definitely been knocked out of her.

Cassandra was up quickly, drawing her sword and shield. Holli followed her hard gaze to some kind of creature rising up out of the black muck and smoke that had fallen from the Breach. What the fuck was that?

Holli got to her feet, once again pulling her cloak around her, her teeth starting to chatter. She watched Cassandra a moment before something caught her eye. Another pool of that black shit not too far from her. A clawed hand reached out of it, then another. A near-identical creature to what Cassandra was fighting dragged itself out of the blackness. This one was focused on her, and Holli tried to stagger backwards, slipping on the ice. She reached out for some fallen brick nearby, hurling it at the creature, which easily dodged it, more agile than she would have thought.

A sword suddenly burst through its chest, and it disintegrated. Cassandra was there, lowering her blade.

"What the hell was that!?" Holli breathed out, trying to stop herself from hyperventilating.

"A demon," she replied casually, sheathing her sword. "You do not have them?"

"Not really. Again, fiction. Or... well, some religious people think they're real, but there's no proof of it."

The woman made a thoughtful noise before continuing on. How she kept such sure footing on the ice, Holli had no idea. She sort of shuffled and slid until she reached the snow and rocks, far less gracefully than Cassandra.

"Should we encounter more, which undoubtedly we will, stay back; keep yourself safe."

Holli nodded. She didn't have to be told twice. She was no warrior. 

Chapter Text

"We are getting closer to the rift. You can hear the fighting," Cassandra told her. "When we get up there, stay back until it is safe."

Holli nodded, tired from the trek. Her physical fitness wasn't the best. At school, it was the one class she couldn't excel at. But neither did Ginny Pike, at least.

When they topped the rise, Holli stopped walking. There was a group of people fighting a bunch of demons, a glowing green rift between them. Cassandra ran ahead, muttering a 'stay here' as she passed. As if Holli hadn't already heard her before and agreed.

Holli watched the rift; being this close was making her hand tingle, and she held it out of the cloak so she could see it. The light was the same colour as the rift, a sickening green, like the evil magic in Disney movies.

She looked back to the rift, wondering if the magic—man, did it feel stupid to be calling it that—imbued into her hand was even capable of closing it. And if it was a rift to another world, could one of them lead her back to her own world? Should she be trying to jump through it rather than close it? But demons came from it, so this one probably didn't lead to her world.

"Holli! Quickly!" Cassandra called.

Holli refocused on the battle, realising it had ended and they were waiting for her. Holli jumped down and ran to them, a bald-headed man taking her hand and raising it up to the rift. It felt like something was being pulled out of her through her hand; she could feel it all the way down to her toes. It made her heart pound, made it difficult to breathe. She tried to pull back, and when she did, it felt like something clicked into place, and then the rift exploded into nothing.

Breathing heavily, she looked up to the bald man, opening and closing her fist in an attempt to stop the tingling. She noted his ears were long and pointed, like an elf's, and he was so tall...
She could only stare up at him, unsure what to do or say. There was a sense of calm and peace about the man, soothing her own frayed nerves.

"Are you all right?" He asked gently.

Something about his voice reminded her of the feeling she'd get when she was wrapped up cozily inside while a storm raged outside.

"Y-yeah, I guess."

"Did it hurt?" He took her hand in his, checking over the mark.

"Stung a little, no biggie."

"No biggie?"

"No big deal," she gave a one-shouldered shrug.

"No big deal? If my theories are correct, you hold the key to our salvation."

Her eyes narrowed while she took a moment to pick that apart. She didn't like the sound of that at all.

"Good to know."

Holli looked over to the voice, a little person with a crossbow almost as big as he was. A dwarf and an elf—Christ, she was in her own Lord of the Rings.

"Here I thought we'd be ass-deep in demons forever," he said.

He looked up from where he was adjusting his sleeve, taking her in before smiling and heading towards her.

"Varric Tethras: rogue, storyteller, and occasionally unwelcome tagalong," he greeted.

"Holiday Whitlock: ...Nobody, really."

"If that were ever true, it definitely isn't now," he chuckled.

Holli shivered—mostly from the cold, but a little from his words—and pulled her cloak tighter around her.

"My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions. I'm pleased to see you still live."

"He means, 'I kept that mark—and your bleeding wounds—from killing you while you slept.'"

"So you know about it? Do you know how to remove it? Do you know how I can get home?"

"Solas is an apostate," Cassandra told her, as if that answered that.

"I don't understand what being a heretic has to do with this," Holli replied.

"An apostate is a mage who is not a part of the Circle," Solas informed her.

"What Circle?"

"Where have you been, kid? Rebel Mages, the cruelty and control of the Circles and the Chantry, are all anyone's been talking about these days."

Holli just shrugged, unsure what to say.

"I'm sorry, I do not know how to remove the mark or how to get you home. Much of my time has been spent trying to keep you alive and figure out just how you came to be here."

"Got anything on that? Wouldn't mind an answer to it myself."

"Not yet. The magic involved here is unlike any I have seen," he said, this time talking more to Cassandra than Holli. "Though young Holiday is a mage, I find it difficult to imagine any mage having such power, despite her origins."

"Wait, what? I'm not a mage. That's impossible."

They all looked to her at that. Cassandra with a glaring accusation.

"Mages are everywhere, kid, not that impossible."

"They aren't where I come from. Magic isn't real; mages do not exist," she said firmly. "I can't be one. I've never done anything magical in my life. You must be mistaken."

Solas shook his head, almost with something that looked like sympathy. He offered her his staff.

"Tell me what you feel."

She hesitantly took it, not sure where this was going. She held it a moment; her hands were so cold and numb it was difficult to feel anything.

"It's vibrating, like the wood is... humming... and cold, inside," she frowned down at it.

"That hum you feel is the magic the staff has been imbued with. It is connecting to your magic so you may use it. No one but a mage would feel it."

Holli shook her head and shoved the staff at him. "No," she said again. "The mark must have done something to me."

"That is not how it works."

"I'm from another world; there's a hole in the sky, and my hand glows with magic. None of this is meant to be how it works." Her voice was tinged with something bordering on hysteria.

Varric chuckled. "She's got you there. Well, shall we press on? Hole in the sky to close, demons to slay."

"Absolutely not," Cassandra said. "Your help is appreciated, Varric." She sounded like she was chewing glass as she said it. "But—"

"Have you been in the valley lately, Seeker? Your soldiers aren't in control anymore. You need me. The kid doesn't look like much of a fighter; the more people protecting her, the better. She dies; we're all dead."

Christ, that was a fuck ton of pressure; she didn't like that at all.

Cassandra let out a grunt of disgust before turning away from him, deciding the fight with him must not have been worth it.

"We must get to the forward camp quickly."

She stalked off, obviously expecting to be followed. Solas did so; Holli was reluctant. She wanted to hover by the burning rubble and try to get some feeling back into her fingers.

"Well, shall we?" Varric looked up at her with a smile that seemed far too carefree given the situation.

"I don't think there's much of a choice," she muttered, falling into step beside him.

-

Holli tried to hide how out of breath the trek through the valley and up the mountains was making her. God, physical fitness was never her strength. The other three around her, walking and doing all the fighting, were absolutely fine, walking, talking, and breathing as if this were nothing more than a Sunday stroll. Cassandra, with her armour and shield and sword swinging, didn't seem the least bit bothered by it.

One good thing about the exertion, she supposed, was that it was keeping her warm enough to not go fetal on the ground to curl up and die from the cold.

Varric kept making conversation, nothing too heavy, small talk mostly, trying to keep things light. Replying to him made it really hard to hide how unfit she was.

Varric chuckled, stopping in his tracks. "Do you need us to stop, kid? Take a breather?"

Holli stopped as well, hands on hips, trying to discreetly catch her breath. "Not at... all," she puffed out. "Why do you...ask?"

Varric laughed again. "You're painful to watch."

"Try being... the one dying." She raised her face to the sky, trying to find the best position to allow the most oxygen.

"It's not much farther; you can rest a moment when we get there. Just at the top of this hill."

"You mean mountain."

"No, I really don't," Cassandra replied, giving her the side eye.

Holli followed the trio. Her school shoes were not made for climbing rocky, snowy mountains. She hoped she wasn't going to get frostbite. As they neared the top, they could hear the sound of battle, and the mark on Holli's hand started to tingle the closer they got. Another rift? Which meant the fighting must have been against demons.

"When we get up there, stay back and try not to draw their notice."

Holli nodded. There wasn't much else she could do.

When they got up there, the three fighters entered the fray while Holli half hid behind a tree. The demons were preoccupied with the soldiers, so she watched the rift. She hadn't really gotten a good look at the last one. The mark on her hand was beyond tingling now; it felt burning cold and pulled her towards the rift. What was the range on it, she wondered?

She reached out, trying to replicate what happened with the first rift. She felt the pull, but not the connection. Surveying the fight, she decided she could creep a bit closer through the trees. They didn't go all the way to the rift, but they did go closer than she was now.

Darting from tree to bush to tree, she shuffled as close as she could; behind each bit of cover, she would try again, hoping to get an idea of distance. It was at the last tree she finally connected with the rift. From this distance it nearly pulled her off her feet. With everything in her, she pulled back, trying to remember how it felt the first time so she could do it again, maybe even with a bit more ease. But that first time had happened so fast, and she had been too thrown to really pay attention and analyse.

The rift seemed to explode outward, but-

"Fuck..."

It hadn't closed. It looked different, but it was still there. However, the demons around them had collapsed; they looked disoriented. They weren't attacking anyway, and the warriors took advantage of that, striking them down.

"Close it now!" Solas called to her.

Holli tried again; it felt different this time, less... aggressive might be the right word, like the rift wasn't fighting back as hard. This time, when the light died, the rift was gone.

"It didn't close the first time I tried," she said, gauging the metres between her and where the rift had hovered. Six or seven maybe.

"I suspect it cannot while the demons that came through it are still here," Solas told her. "Come."

She followed him through the gates to the camp. It had been set up on a bridge. Given what happened to her and Cassandra on a bridge earlier, this didn't seem smart. And it was a much farther drop from what she could see.

There were some people surrounding a small campfire, and she longed to join them for its warmth, but the glares and suspicion they cast her way made her think twice.

Up ahead she could see Leliana talking with a man in a stupid hat with a sour look on his face.

"Ah, here they come." His voice dripped venom as he glared at her too.

"Chancellor Roderick, this is—" Leliana began.

"I know who she is," he spat, cutting her off. "As Grand Chancellor of the Chantry, I hereby order you to take this criminal to Val Royeaux to face execution."

Holli felt her stomach churn, nausea making her want to throw up. He wanted to execute her!? She subconsciously shifted further behind Cassandra, and she noticed Varric step between her and Roderick as well, Solas tensing up beside her as if ready for a fight.

"'Order me?'" The absolute revulsion in her tone would have amused Holli at any other time. "You are a glorified clerk. A bureaucrat!"

"And you are a thug, but a thug who supposedly serves the Chantry!"

Had they always disliked each other, or was this asshole just good at rubbing people the wrong way?

"We serve the Most Holy, Chancellor, as you well know."

Religion was a scary thing in this world too, she supposed. Was there anywhere it didn't kill people?

"Justinia is dead. We must elect a replacement and obey her orders on the matter! Call a retreat, Seeker; our position here is hopeless."

"We can stop this before it's too late."

"How? You won't survive long enough to reach the temple, even with all your soldiers."

"We must get to the temple," she pressed.

"No. Listen to me. Abandon this now before more lives are lost."

The Breach flared up, the sound deafening. Holli could feel it in her hand, the cold burn, and she hissed at the pain, biting on her tongue as she doubled over and cradled her hand against her stomach. The glow was so bright it could be seen easily through her cloak. Her hand kept sparking, whatever was happening lasting longer than the other times. Everyone was staring at her, Solas and Varric concerned, Roderick suspicious, and the two women blank-faced.

It was getting worse. With everything going on, she had forgotten this was killing her too. As insane as it sounded to her, execution was actually the least of her worries. She probably wouldn't survive long enough for one.

Cassandra must have suspected the same, turning towards Leliana.

"Leliana, bring everyone left in the valley. Everyone."

Holli, Solas, and Varric followed Cassandra as she pressed on, ignoring the parting jab from the Chancellor about consequences.

-

Solas watched the girl, had been watching the girl since she joined them at the rift.

She was a bit of an enigma. He was well aware other worlds existed, inaccessible even by Eluvian. So just how had she appeared? Why had a rift opened for her? And how was she connected to the anchor?
The moment the explosion had happened, he was on his way. When he'd heard tell of a survivor, he'd wanted to see them immediately. He had not been expecting a child barely clinging to life.

Adan had been having trouble; his potions and tinctures just weren't enough. Solas had been able to heal her, removing the small metal objects that caused the damage in the first place; they were like nothing he'd seen. But then the mark on her hand was also killing her. He'd had to call on magics he'd not used in millennia to save her.

It was during his attempts to stop the spread he had realised she was a mage. He could feel her own magic, trying to fight the damage, but it was so weak, depleted. Even after days of unconsciousness, her magic had barely recovered, which in itself was odd. He was not at full strength himself since waking. He'd feared his own magic might not be enough. Thankfully, he had managed, surprisingly with the help of her own. Her magic was unlike what he was accustomed to. He wasn't sure if it had a mind of its own or if it merely acted upon her unconscious desire to be saved, to live.

Eventually he had reached a point where she would not die without him, so he was better able to study the rifts and their connection to the mark on her hand and put some distance between them, giving her own magic time to settle and recover.

He was glad to see she could close rifts, and he was certain it would work on the Breach. His concern was whether or not they had the power to do it. Though the Anchor was powerful, it was being wielded by a child, a depleted mage who didn't even realise she had magic until he'd told her.

He just didn't understand how she came to be there, how she was the one with the Anchor, and what happened to Corypheus. He believed her that she didn't know anything. Much as she tried to keep herself under control, every now and then he could see in her eyes the poor girl was drowning, lost, and confused.

Though he was livid the Anchor had ended up on this inept and ignorant child, he could hardly blame her. He suspected something else was at play here; he just didn't know what or why they would drag her into it.

When they had time, he would like to question her, find out more about her circumstances leading up to the explosion.

She suddenly slipped on a rock, and he grabbed her arm, keeping her from falling.

"Thank you," she mumbled, her cheeks colouring further in embarrassment. They were already red from the cold.

He cast a quick spell her way, something to help her bear the cold because clearly she was not coping well with it.

"This should help," he said.

He saw her body sag with relief a moment, the tension draining just a little. Her teeth even stopped chattering. She gave him a smile brimming with gratitude.

The cold really must have been bothering her. 

Chapter Text

More climbing.

Given these were quite possibly the last hours of her life, she was a bit miffed she was spending them climbing a cold arse mountain. And considering she was quite possibly dying, she would have thought she would be more... upset about it. Maybe even throw herself down on the ground in a good old-fashioned tantrum or beg God for some last-minute miracle or more time. She was strangely calm.

Because this might not be real anyway? Or maybe she was just... overloaded. If this was real, so much had happened, and she'd had no time to process it. Not to mention the parts she knew were real, like Katie, and getting shot herself. Those were traumatic situations. Maybe she was in some kind of shock. A psychotic break, and she was hallucinating?

At least partway up, the rocky path became stairs. It made small difference to the burning muscles in her legs. They started seeing people too, some of them injured, others treating them. There was an air of defeat and misery over everyone. Exhaustion, fatigue, and a lack of hope, she guessed. There were bodies too, some of them wrapped in cloth and tied with rope, others not yet. There was a man doing so, his face grim while he tended to the dead.

Would this be what the halls and classrooms at her school were like after the shooter was done there?

"Holiday?"

Though Solas's voice was soft and gentle, she jumped at the sound. She hadn't realised she had stopped walking and was staring.

"Sorry," she muttered, hurrying to catch up. "Holli. Everyone just calls me Holli."

He nodded; a small smile rested on one corner of his lips. "Holli."

She felt the familiar tingle in her hands and knew they were approaching a rift. Sure enough, the sounds of battle carried out to them as they climbed the stairs.

"Wait until it's safe," Cassandra ordered.

Holli nodded, trying to take shelter from the wind beneath the ruined archway they passed through. Her teeth were chattering again, and everything felt wet: her shoes, her clothes, her cloak, her hair. She was probably going to get pneumonia. Were they even able to treat that here?

Whatever spell Solas had cast on her at the beginning of their climb had worn off, or perhaps it wasn't strong enough to fight this deeper cold.

She watched the three run in, Varric and Solas keeping demons from overwhelming Cassandra. There were other soldiers around too, the elf and dwarf doing their best to have their backs as well.

As they took more ground, wiping out the demons between her and the rift, she moved closer. She still kept a safe distance, but she wanted to be able to reach the rift quickly and close it once it was clear.

It didn't take them long to manage it, and she ran forward, skidding a little on the stones as she raised her hand and closed the rift. It was getting a little easier at least, though no less painful.

"Sealed, as before. You are becoming quite proficient at this," Solas commended, his words flooding her chest with warmth.

"Let's hope it works on the big one," Varric added.

Holli didn't know if she wanted it to work or not. If it didn't, maybe she wouldn't die. But then, it was the mark killing her, not necessarily the Breach.

"Lady Cassandra."

The group looked towards a tall blonde warrior walking their way. Holy crap he was kinda hot.

"You managed to close the rift," he said, clearly relieved.

"Do not congratulate me, Commander. This is Holli's doing."

They both looked to her, and she gave an awkward wave before wrapping her cloak tighter around her. Was there a blizzard coming?

"Is it?" His eyes were piercing and exhausted. "I hope they're right about you. We've lost a lot of people getting you here."

A part of her bristled at his words. She hadn't asked them to. The other part just felt guilty. What if it was all for nothing?

"Sorry," she muttered, her eyes dropping to his boots.

"No I- it wasn't an accusation." He looked to Cassandra and cleared his throat awkwardly. "The way to the temple is clear. Leliana will try to meet you there."

"Then we best move quickly. Give us time, Commander."

"Maker watch over you—for all our sakes," he said, turning away to help his injured soldiers.

The way ahead was shrouded in snow and smoke and dust, but she could see jagged rocks jutting up and out of it, the faint glow of the Breach where it stretched down to the earth.

They dropped down to the ground below, where there were the remains of people. They were burnt, on their hands and knees, some of them still aflame. She had never seen anything like it outside of movies and video games. Why were they still so intact while everything else was near destroyed?

"The Temple of Sacred Ashes," Solas told her.

"What's left of it..." Varric added.

Cassandra pointed to a spot near a half-collapsed wall. "That is where you fell out of the Fade, and our soldiers found you. They say a figure was in the rift behind you. No one knows who it was."

"What did the figure look like?" She asked, veering off to check out the spot Cassandra had indicated. It was just broken stone, some bones... Nothing special about it. It was easier to focus on the stones and bones than the still-burning people, at least.

"They say it was glowing; beyond that, they couldn't make out anything else."

"What room was here before the explosion?" And if she had anything to do with the forming of the Breach, why did she appear here, so far away from it?

"I don't know," Cassandra replied.

Holli looked to Solas and Varric.

"Sorry, kid, I never set foot in this place before it was destroyed."

"Nor I," Solas replied.

"Come."

The three followed Cassandra deeper into the ruins, down some stairs. Given the explosion had been powerful enough to tear a hole in the sky, she was surprised as much had remained intact as it was.

When the foot of the Breach came into view, she froze, staring at it in awe. Her eyes followed the magic all the way up. They were under the Breach now, and the tingling in her hand was more like having metal shards repeatedly stabbing into her skin and muscle and bone. She gave it a shake, hoping to ease it and ultimately failing.

There was another rift connected to the Breach, but this one was different, and there were no demons around. Was it a trap? How clever were demons? So far they didn't strike her as particularly cunning.

"The Breach is a looong way up," Varric pointed out.

How was she supposed to reach that? She figured she had about a six metre range with her hand.

"You're here. Thank the Maker."

They turned to see Leliana with a contingent of soldiers behind her, armoured and armed. Leliana jogged over to them.

"Leliana, have your men take up positions around the temple," Cassandra told her.

The other woman nodded, heading back to her people to dish out orders. Cassandra came to stand before Holli, blocking her view of the rift.

"This is your chance to end this. Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be, I guess. What's the plan to get me up there?"

"We do not need to. This rift was the first, and it is the key. Seal it, and perhaps we seal the Breach," Solas told them.

"Then let's find a way down. And be careful."

They surveyed the scene before them, managing to find a bit of a winding path through the rocks that would at least get them closer if not all the way.

"Now is the hour of our victory."

Holli flinched at the deep voice that boomed out across the pit they were in. They all looked around, searching for a source. Cassandra had even drawn her sword, expecting an attack.

"Bring forth the sacrifice."

"What are we hearing?" Cassandra asked.

"At a guess, the person who created the Breach," Solas replied.

At least it didn't sound like her. They pressed on, Holli's attention grabbed by huge, glowing red crystals protruding from the stone. They were bigger than she was. Hell, they were taller than Solas. She reached out to touch one before Varric roughly pulled her back.

"Don't touch it." He looked to Cassandra. "That's red Lyrium, Seeker."

"I see it, Varric."

"But what's it doing here?"

"Magic could have drawn on Lyrium beneath the temple, corrupting it."

"It's evil." Varric gave Holli a warning look. "Whatever you do, don't touch it."

She nodded, taking a few steps back from it. Was Varric just being paranoid, or was he right?

"What is Lyrium?"

"It is a mineral that forms underground. It also grows in the Fade and links our world to it. Raw lyrium is dangerous to touch and usually blue. Avoid it if you ever come across it. But properly refined, it can be a mage's best friend," Solas told her.

"I have so many questions for you, kid. What kind of world did you come from?"

"If I live through this, I'll tell you all about it."

His face fell for just a moment, a look of pity flashing across it before he smiled to cover it up.

"We can do it over a drink. I have a feeling we'll need it when this is over."

Holli grinned back. Her experience with alcohol was limited, mostly because she was afraid of turning into her mother. But she had been to the odd party where she'd gotten a bit buzzed. She wouldn't mind getting absolutely sloshed if she came out the other side of this.

"Varric." Cassandra's tone was chiding, but she was cut off from any further reprimand by the disembodied voice.

"Keep the sacrifice still."

"Someone! Help me!"

"That is Divine Justinia's voice..."

It seemed pretty obvious she was the sacrifice the other guy was talking about. What Holli didn't understand was where she fit into all this.

There was a big drop down to the ground below, way too high for Holli. She stood at the edge, looking around for some kind of incline she could slide down. Below her, Solas noticed, and he reached his arms up, a gesture for her to jump. She bit her lip, eventually sitting on the edge and scooting over until she slid off. He did catch her at least, setting her on the ground. What a gentleman.

"Thank you. Again."

He merely inclined his head with that same gentle smile on his face.

They made their way towards the rift; this one was much bigger than the others. Her hands started sparking as they got closer to it, and the light around the rift became almost blinding.

When it died down, they could see a shadowy figure with red glowing eyes. Holli tensed. Was this an attack? It took her a second to realise it wasn't.

"Bring forth the sacrifice."

An elderly woman suddenly appeared, roughly shoved forward by unseen assailants. She was quickly bound and lifted by magic as she called for help. The shadowy figure started to raise its hand, and then Holli appeared out of thin air, her arm outstretched towards something.

Holli watched herself, blood all over her, disoriented, barely able to stand. Her hand was holding something, and light was growing from it. Then she started to fall.

"No! Stop!" The male voice cried out, urgency and anger in the command.

And then the light flashed; it felt like it burnt her retinas. She squeezed her eyes shut and looked away. When she looked back, it was all gone. Holli had only been there for a second, maybe less than a second. And everything had gone to shit.

Cassandra grabbed Holli by the shoulder, whirling her around to face her. "You were there! Who attacked? And the Divine, is she...? Was this vision true? What are we seeing?

"I don't know."

Had Cassandra seen Holli's condition in that vision? That she had been there less than a second? Holli had no memory of this. How had she appeared there like that, seemingly out of nowhere? Like magic...

"Echoes of what happened here. The Fade bleeds into this place," Solas told them. He turned back to face them. "This rift is not sealed, but it is closed... albeit temporarily. I believe that with the mark, the rift can be opened and then sealed properly and safely. However, opening the rift will likely attract attention from the other side."

"That means demons." Cassandra's voice rang out to the soldiers taking up position around them. "Stand ready!"

Cassandra looked to her. "Once you have opened the rift, get somewhere safe until we have dealt with them."

Holli nodded, taking a calming breath. Closing this rift could very well kill her, possibly waking her up in her own world. She stepped closer to it, looking around as everyone drew their weapons. When Cassandra gave her a nod, Holli tore the rift open.

"Come on, kid," Varric said.

She looked down to see Varric tugging her hand. She let him pull her away, and they ran a safe distance from the rift. He found an outcropping of rocks he shoved her behind.

"Stay down."

Holli watched him as he fiercely guarded her little hidey hole, which was actually kind of warm. The warmest little spot she'd found since waking up in this hellhole. Varric fired off a few more arrows at what she couldn't see. But the roar that bellowed out vibrated in her bones.

The roar sounded again, a lot closer this time, and she peeked her head out.

"What the fuck...?" The creature was huge, with spiked skin and lightning whip-looking powers. Was this also a demon? Definitely didn't look like the green ghost things or the weird, wiggly, dark ones.

"Stay down!" Varric barked at her. She quickly ducked back behind her rock.

She wasn't sure how long it took before he told her to close the rift, but once he gave her the all clear, she ran out, nearly slipping over on the stones, and closed the rift.

This one fought back, though, not unlike when she'd tried to close one while demons were still about. She felt something start to give, and she wasn't sure if it was her or the rift.

And then it broke.

Chapter Text

"Is she...?" Varric was hesitant to say the word.

"Alive," Solas replied from where he knelt by her prone form.

Varric watched him examine her, checking her mark. The Breach was still in the sky, but it was different, calmer. And no longer shooting demons and fade debris all over the place.

"Her mark appears to have stabilised, as has the Breach," Solas said. "We must get her back to Haven."

Varric nodded as Solas picked her up. The dwarf reached up, wrapping her tightly in her cloak. He'd noticed her struggle against the cold.

It would be a long trek back to the village, but the air about them all was different, hopeful and relieved. Though the Breach remained, there were a few smiles among them. It wasn't a complete victory, but it was a hard-won victory, and one they had so desperately needed. This would give everyone time to rest, assess, and process. It felt like they could finally take a moment to breathe.

Once in Haven she was taken to the nearest empty home. Solas stayed with her while Varric went to fetch Adan. He figured the Seeker was busy with the others trying to come up with the next step. That woman was driven and iron-willed.

"Master Adan," Varric greeted as he entered the healer's hut. "We are in need of your services."

The man heaved a long-suffering sigh before handing the dwarf a box of potions and medicaments. "Carry this. I'm assuming this is to do with the child."

"It is."

Adan picked up a bag and his notebook before following Varric outside. "What's wrong with her?"

"She's unconscious. Honestly, that seems to be the extent of the problem, but just in case..."

Adan entered the home where Solas was tending to Holli, her saturated shoes and socks on the floor beside the bed.

"She has superficial frostbite on her fingers, toes, and ears," Solas told him. "Other than that, she appears fine. I suspect unconsciousness was brought on by the magical backlash and the strain of wielding such powerful magic. And possibly her exhaustion."

"Frostbite, eh. Finally, a normal problem from the girl."

Varric chuckled at the gruff man's words. True enough.

Solas watched the man work. He'd not examined her ears when he'd been healing her before; there'd been no need, and he'd been preoccupied with her more critical injuries. Her ears were pointed. It had been a little difficult to tell given the amount of metal she had in them, but sure enough, they weren't entirely human.

Though most half-elves looked predominantly human, occasionally they bore some elven characteristics. Her ears were in no way like his own, like any full-blooded elf. But he was certain she was half elven. During Varric's questions on their trek, she'd said they didn't have elves in her world. Or magic. What she was contradicted both those assertions. It was possible she just didn't know...

Once Adan left, Solas and Varric gave the girl some privacy while they had an elven woman change her out of her wet clothes and into something warm and dry. While that was being done, Cassandra and Leliana arrived to check her status.

"Still out cold," Varric told them.

"I suspect she won't be up for some time," Solas added.

"So where do we go from here?"

The two women exchanged a glance; clearly, whatever was going on, they were not going to make Varric and Solas privy to it just yet.

"The Breach is still there; we must find a way to seal it completely. Thoughts?" Leliana looked to Solas.

"I believe she couldn't close it because she just doesn't have enough power. No one person does."

"So we need to get her more power."

Solas gave a nod. "But this is just theory. I could be mistaken."

"It's something," Cassandra said.

"Any theories on who the attacker was in that vision?" Varric asked.

"No. His voice was completely unfamiliar."

The elf exited Holli's room. "She's still asleep, but she's dry and warming up, already looking better." With that, she was gone.

Varric entered the room. Holli had been changed and tucked into bed. She was a tiny little thing, her long black hair splayed across the pillow, her little form bundled up with blankets. She had some ointment on the edges of her ears for the frostbite. Adan said that should heal them quickly.

"So the mark is no longer killing her?" Varric asked, wanting to be sure.

"No. How long that will last, I don't know."

Varric was relieved she would be all right for now. It bought them time at least, time they could use to remove this mark from her.

"That's still a relief."

Solas nodded.

"How do you think she got here?"

"I am at a loss. She says she comes from a world without magic, and she had no idea she was a mage. Yet magic had to have brought her here."

Varric set Bianca down, leaning her against the foot of the bed before pulling up a chair and taking a seat, resting his feet on it.

"I'll stay with her, keep an eye on her."

Solas nodded. "Call for me if anything happens."

"Will do."

-

Holli sat up, a cry dying on her lips, gasping for breath, shaking hands feeling her chest for blood. A hand on her shoulder had her jumping, eyes wide.

"You're safe, little bird."

He watched the wild look in her eyes dissipate as awareness set in.

"Varric..." She said, sitting up and scrubbing her hands down her face, wincing at the bright light in one of them.

"I'm going to pretend the disappointment in your tone doesn't hurt," he told her, his smile letting her know he wasn't serious.

"Sorry. It's nothing personal; I'd just hoped that... That the next time I woke up, I'd be in my own world."

"Fair enough."

"Did- did someone dress me?" She asked, looking down at herself.

"They did. It was a woman, if that makes you feel less violated."

"You'd think so, but not really..." She drew her knees up, looking around the place. "So, did it work? Is the Breach closed?"

"No. But it is stabilised; it's no longer growing or spitting out demons."

She looked at the mark on her hand, opening and closing her fist a couple of times. "It feels different. So am I to be carted off for execution now?"

"I don't think the Seeker would let that happen. They still need you to close the Breach after all."

She gave him a wry look. "So what you're saying is as long as the Breach is open and I'm still needed, they won't execute me? Not much incentive to close the Breach then, is it?"

Varric chuckled.

"How long have I been out?"

"Three days."

"What!?" Her big blue eyes widened with shock. "Are you fucking with me?"

"I am not, no. Closing that rift, it really took it out of you. Solas said it completely depleted your magic, which was already too low to begin with. And the magical backlash knocked you right out."

"I don't have magic." It sounded almost pouty.

Varric figured it was probably best not to pursue that. Until she managed to use her magic, he doubted she would ever believe it.

"Well, if they're not going to execute me, what is going to happen now?"

"Cassandra brought your things."

He gestured to a pile on the floor at the end of the bed she had yet to notice. It was her school bag and the duffel with all her camp shit. There was blood on both. Hers she guessed. She repressed a shudder, shaking what little memory she had of being shot away. School shootings were meant to be an American thing.

She got off the bed, a little shaky, so much so that Varric got off his chair to help steady her.

"Thanks."

She crouched beside her bag, zipping it open and digging around inside. Surprisingly, not much blood had seeped into the bag, just on her top layer of clothes.

"I am about to share something with you, Varric. Something I value very highly and of which I only have few," she said, her tone deathly serious.

"It's not a secret, is it? I'm not sure I want any more of those."

"No, far better than a secret," she replied, revealing her prize.

Varric just frowned, unsure what it was.

"Damn, so you don't have them here then."

"What is it?"

"A Snickers," she replied, unwrapping the chocolate bar, breaking it in half, and holding the second piece out for him as she poorly ahhhed the sound of a holy choir.

He chuckled as he took the piece. He inspected it carefully, even sniffed it first.

"Yum yum," she urged him, taking a bite of her own. Her eyes slipped closed, and she sat on the floor, leaning against the bed. She really needed this. Not just for the hunger—she apparently hadn't eaten in days—but also for the stress.

"It's certainly chewy."

"Good chewy."

"Good chewy," he agreed. "It's pretty damn good."

"So damn good."

"Food from another world..."

"Just think, the first in your world to eat otherworldly food."

They chewed in silence, grinning at each other. Good, he liked it; it wasn't wasted on him then. After finishing her half, she was tempted to eat another. But she really did only have a few; she needed to ration them. She had a wealth of other junk food in there, but again, she needed to ration it. She was so fucking hungry, though.

Their silence was interrupted as a young woman entered the cabin holding a box. At the sight of Holli, she dropped the box, sputtering apologies and something about Seeker Pentagast wanting to see her at once. The girl seemed almost terrified of Holli as she scurried out the door.

"What was that?" She asked Varric, bewildered.

"That is what happens when someone is being lauded as touched by Divinity."

"What?"

"They're calling you the Herald of Andraste. They've decided it was a woman behind you in the rift, Andraste herself sending you here to save us."

"Who the hell is Andraste?"

Varric gave a dry chuckle and shook his head. "Try not to ask that in front of the masses. Get dressed, little bird; I'll see about getting you some water to clean up with."

He left her alone then. Little bird?

She'd never had a nickname before. Curtis called her bruvs; she called him bruvs too sometimes. But they both called all their friends bruvs, it was more a term of endearment than a nickname.

She wasn't sure if she should be offended by litte bird or not; they were fragile and useless. It grated on her that it wasn't entirely inaccurate. She couldn't fight; she'd struggled to climb the mountain, and this whole world was unknown to her.

The affection in his voice as he said it, though, that warmed her to him. Incentive enough not to be offended by it, she supposed.

Holli pulled out some clothes, clean underwear, a pair of jeans, her black thermal top, and her pea coat and breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of her snow boots and woollen socks. Water arrived in short order, and she was able to brush her hair—matted mess that it was—and then pull on her pink woollen hat with the big fluffy pompoms. With that done, she slapped on some lip balm and headed outside, wrapping her scarf around her neck. She felt much more like a person than she had the last time she'd been awake. A shower would be nice, though.

Outside, she froze at the sight of all the people. They looked up at her almost as one as she exited the house. They stared. She stared back. Was she supposed to do something? Were they going to attack? Too quiet for an angry mob...

"Come on, kid."

Varric seemingly materialised out of thin air beside her.

"What is going on?" She asked quietly.

"Manipulation of the masses," he replied, just as quietly. "Could work in our favour, though. Chantry is this way."

She shoved her hands into her pockets and followed a step behind him. The people were lining the streets, and every now and then she'd hear a whisper or hushed comment about her. There was a sense of awe in some of them that made her ridiculously uncomfortable and a scepticism in a few that made her wary.

They reached the Chantry, and she recognised it as the building she had been held prisoner in; she remembered Cassandra practically dragging her out of it. She hesitated at the entrance.

"It's not a trap, I promise," Varric chuckled.

She looked down at him, weighing up his words. He seemed sincere.

"Would they tell you if it was?" She asked softly, stepping inside.

"No," he grinned.

He walked her to the door at the end of the room where they could hear voices inside, and not happy ones.

"Here is where I leave you. When you're done, though, come find me; I promised you a drink."

"Will do, if I get out of here alive."

Varric chuckled as he walked away.

-

Varric looked up from where he was poking at the fire; he felt a presence arrive beside him. It was the kid, shuffling closer to the fire and holding her hands towards it. She looked so much younger and smaller out in the daylight. But at least she seemed to be coping with the cold better in those clothes. Her hat was ridiculous.

"How are you not freezing your arse off?" She asked, looking him up and down sceptically.

"I'll admit it's cold, but I'm a dwarf. We're hardy."

"So it is 'dwarf,' not 'little person'?"

"What?" He asked, barking a surprised laugh.

"Where I come from, the PC term is 'little person.' Unless they changed it, what's PC changes quite often."

"You ever call me a little person, I'm not sharing my drink with you. We're dwarves here, Children of the Stone."

He turned to his tent, going inside and pulling out a flask—his emergency stash. It was swill, but it was powerful.

"So how was it?" He asked, taking a swig before offering it to her.

"All good, all good," she replied, taking a drink. She cringed as it hit her tongue, and once she'd swallowed it down, she started coughing. "Bloody hell, is this turpentine?"

Varric laughed at her dramatics.

"I figured this situation called for the hard stuff, not the good stuff."

"You don't have something that's both?"

"Not for free," he grinned.

She laughed a little then, handing the flask back. "Fair enough."

"Take a seat," he told her, gesturing to the stump beside her.

It was a little further from the fire than she would have liked, but she did as she was told.

"I have to say, you're taking this all remarkably well. A new world, things you've never seen before, a mark on your hand that could kill you, a hole in the sky you're expected to close..."

"Oh, I'm not taking it well at all. I'm repressing it and just hoping I'll wake up."

"Well, all right then." He offered the flask back to her, and she took another drink. "If you do need someone to hear you out, though..."

She bit her lip, nodding. She doubted she'd ever take him up on it, but it was nice of him to offer.

"What do you remember? From before you got here."

Her last memories were not pleasant, and the question was enough to send her back there: the screams in the hall, the pops of the gunshots, Katie bursting into the bathroom covered in blood...

Varric recognised the glazed look in her eyes; she'd gone back there. Her breathing quickened and her skin paled. It didn't take long before she was almost gasping for breath, her chest heaving; there was a tremor to her hands. He dropped his hand heavily onto her shoulder, snapping her from it. Her eyes were wide when they fixed on him.

"Not pleasant then," he muttered softly.

"No, not really," her voice was almost a whisper.

In the quiet stillness it was harder to think back on it than it had been before. It was probably a mercy there were gaps. Probably adrenaline or trauma maybe.

"Like I said, I'm here if you need."

"They're starting something—they're calling it the Inquisition. Historically, where I come from, Inquisitions haven't been good things," she told him.

She cast him a worried look. Given he didn't know any of the history of her world, he couldn't say.

"They killed thousands, a lot of them burnt alive at the stake... Is that something they do here?"

"I can't say it's never happened, but it's certainly not common practice."

"What about the execution of innocents en masse?"

"Again, I can't say it's never happened, but it's not common."

"I don't want to be the mascot for an evil cult," she told him worriedly.

"If it comes to that, I'll smuggle you out of here myself. We'll start our own cult."

She smiled at him then, a pretty smile with a hefty dose of relief. "With blackjack and hookers?"

The reference was lost on him.

Chapter Text

Holli kept to herself over the next couple of days, barely leaving the little house they'd given her the use of. She had gone through her things, found her phone. Dead, of course. She had eyed her stash of junk food, resisted the temptation to eat it.

The little house had books, none of which she could read. Though their spoken language was the same for the most part, their written language was not apparently. This dream had turned into a nightmare. She loved to read and learn; now a whole new world of books, and she couldn't understand a word in them.

Varric had come to visit, check in on her. She had plastered on a smile and assured him everything was fine; she was just tired from... everything. Given the 'everything' she was going through, it was understandable, even if it wasn't entirely true.

She just... didn't know what to do. She was lost. The more time passed, the harder it got to believe she would wake up in her own world. She didn't like this place. There was no toilet, no indoor plumbing, no shower, no electricity. A maid had been assigned to her, a young elven woman who called Holli 'my lady' no matter how many times Holli asked her not to. Her name was Rythal, and she was super helpful. She'd drawn Holli a bath, and Holli had sunk into it, completely submerged herself. She had sort of considered trying to drown herself; maybe dying here would wake her up back at home. But she couldn't be sure, and dying to find out seemed a little risky. Rythal also brought her food and lit the fire when it went out. The woman was a Godsend.

It was on her third day of near isolation that Cassandra had come to the little house to fetch her, finding Holli sitting on the floor with notes scattered all over. Holli had written down everything she remembered about how she had come to be here—the attack at her school, the green light. It was still so fragmented, and full of holes. She had started writing down theories as well—some more coherent than others—and ideas on how she might get home. She had written down everything she knew about the multiverse theory. She doubted it applied here, but just in case... There was also the hope that once she closed the Breach properly, whatever force landed her here would be done with her and return her home, unmarked. She clung to that hope.

"What is this?" Cassandra asked, picking up one of the papers Holli had torn from her refill pad.

"Just ideas. Notes," Holli replied, plucking the paper out of her fingers.

"That is your language?"

"You can't read it?"

"No."

"I can't read your language either," Holli sighed.

"Word is you've holed yourself up in here for days."

"I'm acclimatising," she replied defensively, earning a sceptical look from the other woman. She had needed this time to absorb and come to terms with her new situation.

"Come, we need to discuss our next steps."

"I just assumed you would point me in a direction and send me on my way."

"We'd at least like to offer you the illusion of choice," she replied drily, offering her hand down to her.

Holli took it and let Cassandra easily pull her up. Before they stepped outside, Holli pulled on her jacket, hat, scarf, and snow boots. She wasn't setting foot outside without them.

Cassandra cast her an amused look. "You don't much like the cold, I take it."

"Who does?"

Holli followed her outside and to the Chantry. The little town was alive, no more awed gawkers as she passed by. Sort of. They just weren't all lined up to watch her at least.

Inside the Chantry it wasn't that much warmer, but they were out of the biting wind. She took her hands out of her pockets, shaking out the glowing one. It was almost a constant feeling of pins and needles. It bugged the hell out of her at times.

"Does it trouble you?" Cassandra asked, more gently than she'd ever spoken to her before.

"A little. But it's not killing me, so..." She offered a tremulous thumbs up.

"We take our victories where we can. What's important is that your mark is now stable, as is the Breach. You've given us time, and Solas believes a second attempt might succeed provided the mark has more power. The same level of power used to open the Breach in the first place. That is not easy to come by."

"What harm could there be in powering up something we barely understand?" She drawled sarcastically.

"Hold on to that sense of humour."

The pair reached the room at the end of the Chantry apparently reserved for their little meetings. It was different now than when she'd been here last. Roderick was gone for one. And the table had massive maps rolled out on it. There were other people in the room, but Holli was drawn to the maps, leaning over them, staring at them. They didn't look familiar. Part of her had wondered, if this were all a dream, the worlds might bear a resemblance to a book she had read or a game she had played. Nothing. She couldn't read the words on them either.

"You've met Commander Cullen, leader of the Inquisition's forces," Cassandra said, drawing her attention away from the map.

Yeah, she remembered—the hot guy.

"It was only for a moment on the field; I'm pleased you survived."

Holli offered a beaming smile. "That makes one of us."

Her half joke fell flat, drawing looks from the others, and she felt the awkward need to explain.

"I'm not suicidal. I just... you know, hoped—maybe if I die here, I'll wake up where I belong..." She trailed off.

Besides, jokes about dying were pretty common where she came from.

"Perhaps you do belong here now." Leliana, if Holli remembered correctly.

"Of course you know Sister Leliana."

Sister?

"Are you a nun?"

"Nun?"

"A church woman; married to God, vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience..." Holli explained.

"No, not a nun. My position here involves a degree of-"

"She is our spymaster," Cassandra interrupted.

"Yes, tactfully put, Cassandra."

"And this is Lady Josephine Montilyet, our ambassador and chief diplomat."

"A pleasure, Lady Whitlock."

"Holli's fine," she said, grimacing at the title. "Nice to meet everyone." She supposed.

"I mentioned that your mark needs more power to close the Breach for good," Cassandra said.

"Which means we must approach the rebel mages for help," Leliana said.

"And I still disagree," Cullen said. "The Templars could serve just as well."

"We need power, Commander," Cassandra sighed. "Enough magic poured into that mark—"

"Might destroy us all. Templars could suppress the Breach, weaken it so-"

"Pure speculation," Leliana cut him off.

"I was a Templar. I know what they're capable of."

"What is a Templar in this world?" Holli asked.

Cullen explained the Templar Order to her—their duty to hunt abominations, apostates, maleficar, and to watch over Circle mages. He'd had to go on a few tangents to explain what all those things were.

If she was in for a lengthy stay here, there was a lot about this world she would probably need to know.

"So the options are to funnel a whole heap of magical energy into me—into my hand—and hope I don't explode, or get a bunch of guys who can weaken the Breach enough I can close it on my own?"

"Basically," Cullen said.

"I think I'd prefer the Templars then, and since it's my hand, I feel like I should get the most say in this..."

"We don't even know if it would work," Leliana reiterated.

"Can we at least try it first? Exploding doesn't sound like a very nice way to go."

"It is a moot point; neither group will even speak to us yet," Josephine told them. "The Chantry has denounced the Inquisition—and you, specifically."

Holli couldn't help the wide grin that spread across her face. "I've pissed off an entire church!? So, have I been declared an official enemy of the Church?"

"Don't look so happy about it," Cullen said.

"Sorry," she said, still grinning. She was trying to stop.

"Why are you so happy about it?" Cassandra asked, irritated.

"How big is the church? Is it worldwide? Will I have 'wanted' posters out about me? I know it's probably not a good thing, but it's kind of amazing. One day I'm getting murdered, the next I'm here, public enemy number one."

"Those holes in you, when we found you... Someone had tried to kill you?" Cullen asked softly.

The question drained her good humour. Her words had slipped out without her giving it much thought. She probably should have.

"Sometimes kids just sort of... lose it, for reasons, then come to school and start killing their classmates. We have these weapons in my world—"

She stopped herself. There really wasn't any need to go there. They had bows and arrows; Varric had a crossbow. No need to give them the idea of guns.

"It doesn't matter," she shook off the thoughts. "I'm here now, for better or worse. I'll deal with all that other stuff when I get home."

Maybe she'd need a therapist. Surely they made those things available to survivors of school shootings.

"So why does the church—"

"Chantry," Leliana corrected.

Same thing. "Why does the chantry hate me?"

"Some are calling you the 'Herald of Andraste.' That frightens the Chantry. The remaining clerics have declared it blasphemy, and we heretics for harbouring you."

"Who is Andraste? Varric mentioned them the other day too."

"I'll get you some books; I suspect there is much you'll need to catch up on."

"No point; I can't read them."

"You're illiterate?" Cullen asked.

"No," she replied defensively. "I just can't read your language."

"I'll find someone to teach you," Josephine told her.

"Why are people calling me this anyway?" She asked.

"People saw what you did at the temple, how you stopped the Breach from growing," Cassandra replied. "They've also heard about the figure in the rift when we first found you. They believe that was Andraste."

"Even if we tried to stop that view from spreading—"

"Which we have not," Cassandra interrupted Leliana again.

"The point is, everyone is talking about you."

"Do they know I'm not from here? If we put the word out, someone out there might know how to get me home, right?"

"We have kept your origins to ourselves for now," Leliana told her hesitantly. "It is a rather... far-fetched tale, and the deck is already stacked against us."

"More far-fetched than a hole in the sky?"

"A child from a world no one even knows exists? We have naught but yours and Solas's word it's even true. Admittedly, your clothes and manner of speaking are strange and foreign, but it's hardly proof enough."

"How could I possibly prove it? My phone is dead, and I didn't bring my laptop."

Pictures and tech from her own world might help, but there was no way to show them since they were all digital. She had a couple of her books in her duffel, but they were all in English, not their gibberish. The photos could help, though. A couple of them were medical books—the Atlas of Human Anatomy and one on basic pathology. While she was still years away from uni, she still had an interest in the medical field and liked to learn about it. It couldn't hurt to get a jump start on things. She also took regular first aid courses when they were available.

"That's the point. There is no way to prove it. Your clothes and manner could be explained away as simply being of a foreign nation," Josephine told her.

"We feel it's for the best to keep your origins secret lest people start questioning your—and our—sanity. It will only hurt our reputation."

Holli huffed out an irritated breath. "Whatever. What about finding a way home? Where are we on that front?"

"No closer, I'm afraid," Leliana told her. "Our priority has been the Breach, and establishing the Inquisition."

Holli glared at them. She was starting to get the feeling they weren't going to be much help in finding her a way home, not while they needed her. And once they no longer needed her, why bother helping her? She might have to figure out her own way home.

"Look, to some, you are a sign of hope; we want to use that to our advantage," Leliana said. "To others, you are a symbol of everything that's gone wrong."

She was the one in a world not her own, with a glowing magical crack on her hand and a hole in the sky she was expected to close. How was she the problem? From her side, she was dragged into this mess against her will.

"Shouldn't they be more focused on the stupid Breach? It's more a threat than I am," she huffed.

"They do know it's a threat; they just don't think we can stop it," Cullen told her.

"The Chantry is telling everyone you'll make it worse," Josephine clarified.

"Do we know I won't?" She asked, looking at each one of them. This was uncharted territory.

Their silence was telling.

"There is something you can do," Leliana offered, a slight change of subject.

Holli was pretty sure she wasn't going to like it.

"A Chantry cleric by the name of Mother Giselle has asked to speak to you."

"Why? Could it be a trap?"

Leliana looked amused by the question. "I understand she is a reasonable sort. Perhaps she does not agree with her sisters? She is not far from here and knows those involved far better than I. Her assistance could be invaluable. You'll find her tending to the wounded in the Hinterlands near Redcliffe."

Holli looked to the map. "Where's that?"

Commander Cullen was the one to point it out for her.

"And where are we?"

His finger slid across the paper to a point in the mountains.

"Oh fuck me that looks like a long way away," she muttered.

"Language," Cassandra scolded. "And yes, a few days on foot."

Foot. Of course. Because it would be ridiculous to hope for planes, trains, or cars. She supposed if people wanted to get anywhere quicker, they probably used horses. Holli preferred foot. She didn't trust horses. She'd seen a few YouTube videos of people getting thrown, kicked, and trampled by them.

"Look for other opportunities to expand the Inquisition's influence while you are there," Cullen said, talking to Cassandra rather than her.

Once they started talking about logistics, Holli slipped out of the room, Cassandra noticing and letting her know they would leave tomorrow morning. Holli nodded and left, slipping her beanie back on once she was outside. She hadn't explored much of Haven, though it didn't look like there was much to explore given its size. Still, a walk and fresh air might do her good. It all still felt so... surreal. She didn't entirely believe it was real yet; maybe she never would. How could she?

She took the other path, the one that didn't lead to the house she was using. She shoved her hands into her pockets for warmth. Her gloves had been bloodstained, and she'd put them in a plastic bag along with the other bloodstained clothes. Out of sight, out of mind. All that blood had been hers.

She didn't usually have an issue with blood; she couldn't if she wanted to get into the medical field. Surgeon was one path she had been considering. But her own blood, and so much of it, and recalling how it got there... it was easier to pretend it had never happened.

She paused in her step when she saw Solas standing nearby, out in the open, his gaze directed at the Breach.

"'Sup, Solas," she said, coming to stand beside him.

How he could stand to be practically barefoot, she didn't know. Magic?

"Ah, the Chosen of Andraste, a blessed hero sent to save us all," he said, his voice wry.

Though there had been a gentle teasing to it, she couldn't help the way she cringed at the title.

"Apologies," he offered lightly, noticing. "This still must be quite strange for you."

"I think I need a stronger word than strange. Unreal maybe."

"I assure you, it's very real."

"Easy for you to say."

"I suppose it is," he said, his gaze returning to the Breach. "How old are you, Holiday?"

"Holli. Fifteen."

She thought she caught a flash of pity in his eyes.

"How old are you?" She asked.

"I stopped counting long ago."

"I hear people start doing that after thirty," she mused. "You don't look very old. Is that because you're an elf? Are they immortal here?"

"No, no they're not. I thought you did not have elves where you come from."

"We don't, but we have stories and movies. Sometimes they're immortal, sometimes they just have longevity, and in some stories they age like humans. What are they like here?"

"Humans."

They lapsed into silence, watching the Breach. He seemed to be lost in thought; she got the feeling he did that a lot.

"Solas?" She asked softly.

He looked down at her in silent question.

"My best chance at getting home is magic, right?"

There was no branch of science they'd discovered that could do the trick?

"If it is possible at all, magic is your only chance."

"Do you think it's possible that once I close the Breach, whatever brought me here might send me back?"

"I don't know. Perhaps if I knew what brought you here..."

She nodded; it had been her hope he might have more concrete answers for her.

"I think I'm going to have to find my own way home. The Inquisition is too busy with the Breach to help me. Are there... books that might help? A specific school of magic I should start with?"

She felt like she was drowning a little. She didn't even know what she didn't know. She would have to start with learning the written language of course.

"Books, yes." He sighed. "I will stay then. Aid you how I can."

"Were you going to leave?"

"I am an apostate mage surrounded by Chantry forces, and unlike you, I do not have a divine mark protecting me. Cassandra has been accommodating, but you understand my caution."

His brows furrowed as he looked at her, the implications of her situation rearing their head again.

"Or perhaps you don't."

"If they try to do anything to you, I'll just refuse to close the Breach and the rifts," she shrugged.

A faint smile played at the corners of his lips. "You'd hold the world ransom for an apostate you barely know?"

"Absolutely. Two birds, one stone," she grinned. "It'll protect you and piss off the Chantry even more."

"You take issue with the Chantry already?"

"They took issue with me first."

Holli didn't trust religion at all. She'd seen the corruption, the bigotry, the way they hurt people in her own world. Yvette had been the victim of her own priest at her family's church. Maybe Holli was just biased, but she doubted this world had it figured out. Her and Curtis had tracked down the priest's home and totally trashed it—the outside. Eggs, toilet paper, spray painted 'Nonce' all over it. Yvette had been pissed but happy as well. She'd never told her parents; she'd never told anyone else. This was the only justice they could get for her. Every now and again over the years they'd gone back and done it again until he'd been transferred somewhere else.

"Thank you for staying, Solas. I promise, you won't regret it."

"It is not your responsibility to ensure it, Holli. Focus on more important things."

"Like getting out of this damn cold," she muttered. "We're heading to the Hinterlands tomorrow to meet someone. Are you coming with us?"

He gave a nod as he ushered her off. "I will. Now go get warm."

"Right. Laters, Solas."

Solas watched her tiny figure disappear around the corner. With her light pink hat and coat and rainbow-coloured scarf, she was the most colourful thing in this place.

When he'd met her on the mountain at the first rift, he'd been struck by such a sense of familiarity about her the moment he'd looked in her eyes. And it had happened again now. He was having difficulty pinning it down. Who did she remind him of?

And she was just a child... How did she get dragged into this mess? Someone was responsible for her presence here; he wanted to know who and why. In the vision from the Fade, Corypheus had seemed just as surprised by her appearance as Holli was. Solas didn't think he'd brought her here. But his attempt to use the orb had irrevocably altered her life. It had altered the world.

He would work with her; he would help her find a way home. Whether or not the mark could be removed, he didn't know, but he would try to find a way for that as well. Maybe he could alleviate some of his guilt if he could at least help this one person. One of the most important people in the world right now.

This wasn't how things were supposed to go. 

Chapter Text

Holli sat down as close to the fire as was safe to do so, despite her desire to crawl right into it. Their progress today had been slow. She was aware she was the reason for it. She was trying to keep up, just doing a poor job of it. So she tried to keep her mouth shut. No need to slow them down and complain about it the whole time. Even she hated whiners.

"You're going to fall into that fire, kid," Varric chuckled from the other side of it.

"Maybe then I'll be warm."

"Here," Solas said, a quick gesture, and she felt a comforting warmth settle over her.

She sagged in relief.

"I need to teach you that spell," he said.

"No good, I'm not a mage," she said, her focus returning to her book.

She had packed her school backpack to bring with her—clothes, some lollies, toiletries, and the Atlas of Human Anatomy. She hadn't finished it, having only recently gotten hold of a copy. Second hand, but still good condition.

Her aching body was protesting the fact she hadn't just crawled into her bedroll after another long day of walking. Cassandra had scrounged one up for her. It certainly wasn't a sleeping bag, but it would do. She would be sharing a tent with Cassandra—Varric and Solas in the other. They had been discussing keeping a watch; the three of them were taking care of it. Holli had offered to be part of it, even she was capable of staying awake and alert. But they had declined; she figured no one wanted to risk putting their immediate safety in her hands.

"Eventually you will have to accept you are, or you'll be putting yourself and those around you at risk," Solas told her.

"Why are you so sure I am?" She asked. "There's nothing magical about me. Except this." She flapped her glowing hand about for a moment.

"When I was healing you, I felt your magic. It responded to mine. I can feel it now; it's depleted, but it's there."

"Are you sure it's not just this?" Again with her hand.

"I think I can tell the difference," he told her, his expression less than impressed.

"We don't have magic where I come from," she reiterated.

"And yet, here you are."

"Agree to disagree," she said, redoubling her efforts to focus on her book.

"I will let the matter rest for now. But as your magic recovers, it is going to cause problems. We must revisit the issue before then."

"Sure." Whatever got him to drop it.

"What are you reading?" Cassandra asked her, poking at the fire and providing a much-needed change of topic.

"'The Atlas of Human Anatomy,'" she replied. "I want to be a doctor when I grow up."

"Doctor?" Cassandra asked.

"Yeah, you know... um, maybe you call them physicians? A healer but without the magic? Surgeons, paediatricians, neurologists..."

She listed off a bunch of different types to see if any names sparked.

"An herbalist," Cassandra said. "Physicians and surgeons are a little more rare."

"Herbalist?" Was that how far back their medical fields were? Interesting. And scary. "Christ, do they still use leeches for everything? Humorism?" She laughed a little at the idea.

"Yes," Cassandra replied, straight-faced.

Holli's jaw dropped. Oh. Oh no. "People must die a lot here. And young, I'm guessing."

"No more so than usual."

Christ, what was usual? People tended to not realise how bad things were until they'd tasted better.

"What about magic? It must be used to heal." She looked to Solas. "You healed me, and I was shot. Even with all our advances in my world, people still die from it."

"Healing magic is very difficult, and I very nearly failed. I'd never seen wounds like yours before."

And given his extensive experience, that was saying something.

"Without the aid of your own magic, things could have been very different."

She looked annoyed at him for bringing up her own magic again. "But with healing magic, you must be able to do amazing things—repair organs, cure blindness, deafness, disease—"

"I'm afraid not. Magic can be used to treat serious wounds, yes, but it's not a cure-all."

"Why not?" She asked.

"It doesn't work like that," Solas told her. "It's complex. For the best outcomes, a combination of herbalism, other non magical treatments, and magic work best. Magic encourages the body to do what it already knows how to do, just at a much faster rate. The body does not know how to cure blindness or fight certain diseases."

How disappointing.

"Can you do all those things in your world?" Varric asked.

"Sometimes. It depends on the root cause. But we have organ transplants for failing organs; we have vaccines for so many diseases—"

"Organ transplants?" Cassandra asked, the idea apparently distasteful. "Is that what it sounds like?"

Holli nodded. "Being an organ donor is completely optional, of course; you can opt out."

Solas looked curious, Cassandra a little disgusted, and Varric was a little more interested.

"So your doctors take an organ from one person and put it in another, just like that?"

"Not just like that. It's complex, and it takes ages, and the person receiving the organ has to be on medication for the rest of their lives, or their bodies might reject the organ. The shit we can do is pretty amazing when you think about it."

"It sounds unnatural," Cassandra said.

Holli shrugged. "Saves lives, though."

"At what cost?"

"Healthcare is usually free in my country, so... nothing really."

"I think she meant the spiritual cost, or the moral cost, little bird," Varric pointed out with an amused chuckle.

"Oh. Some people do choose to suffer and die instead," she shrugged again.

"May I see your book?" Solas asked.

Holli reached over to pass it to him. "Can you read it?"

"No, but these pictures..."

She scooted closer and leaned over to see what he was looking at. "It's an x-ray of a human skull."

"X-ray?"

"Where I come from, we have machines that can... look inside you, see your bones."

"This doesn't kill the person?"

She shook her head. "We have machines that can look inside you to see all sorts of stuff. While you're alive."

The medical profession had always fascinated her, and she'd known very young she wanted to be a doctor. Probably after her mum's first overdose. She could remember with vivid clarity calling the ambulance, watching the paramedics working on her. Mrs. Polatsky had tried to take her away, somewhere she couldn't see, distract her. But Holli had been stubborn, wanting to watch, wanting to know her mother would be ok. While her mum had been in hospital, Holli remembered their visits, some of the nurses kind enough to explain things about the machines and medicines when she asked.

"I'm curious as to the words," Solas said.

Holli pounced on the chance. "If you teach me to read the language of this place, I'll teach you to read English."

Josephine had said she would find someone to teach her, but Solas was right here. And from what Holli gathered, they were going to be doing a lot of traveling. Dragging a tutor around seemed a bit ridiculous and probably not what that person signed up for.

Solas thought it over a moment. "You have a deal. We can begin tomorrow, when we make camp for the evening."

Holli grinned and nodded.

"For now, it's late; you should get to bed."

Her grin dropped and her brow furrowed. Even her own mother didn't send her to bed. She was old enough to decide her own bedtime.

"It has been a long day, and we have an even longer one tomorrow," Cassandra said.

Holli rolled her eyes. They wanted to get rid of her so they could talk without her, maybe? Holli huffed, taking back her book and going to her tent. She had her little keychain light she could read by; she didn't need the fire.

Cassandra watched her go, disappearing into the tent. Holli had been quiet most of the day, trudging along a little behind them. She had been trying to keep up, but her struggle was obvious. Much as it had been on their climb to the Breach. After she had woken from that, she had isolated herself in her cottage and hadn't left it until Cassandra had come for her. People had been growing concerned. Cullen and Josephine had been using the elven maid she'd been assigned to keep an eye on her. What did she do all day? Was she eating? How was she doing? Her food intake hadn't been great, and the maid had said she spent all day scribbling things onto parchment or reading. The maid was unlettered and hadn't been able to tell them what she was writing. Turned out it wouldn't have mattered. Cassandra had seen some of those papers, and she couldn't read it either.

Since Holli had isolated herself, it had been difficult to get a read on her. While she believed the girl wasn't responsible for the Breach, her story seemed so fantastical. And if she took the fact she was from another world, it was still hard to believe she didn't know anything about how she came to be here, magically appearing at the site of one of the most destructive events of the past few years.

"How does she seem to you?" She asked the other two.

"Considering everything she's been through—is still going through—she's holding up well," Varric replied, a hint of warning in his tone. "She seems like a good kid, Seeker."

Solas kept the conversation he'd had with Holli private. Letting the Seeker know Holli didn't trust them to help her home might not go over well with the woman. Solas had seen she could be quite rash and harsh at times.

Solas merely hummed his agreement with Varric's assessment. He wasn't wrong. She had left an entire world behind—everything and everyone she knew. And still she had marched up a mountain and tried to close the Breach, half expecting to die for the trouble. He was aware she also held the slight belief that if she died here, she might wake up in her own world.

He hoped she didn't attempt to test it, because he was quite certain it wouldn't work. 

Chapter Text

It took longer than Holli had initially been told to get to the Crossroads; they had also managed to close a few rifts on the way. But the lengthy travel was probably her fault. After days of hours upon hours of walking, she was exhausted. But so impressed with her boots. She had saved up from her part-time job to buy a quality pair and was so glad she had done so. They were warm, durable, and comfortable.

True to his word, Solas had started teaching her to read the written language here; he also carried books with him when he travelled, it seemed. He was a much quicker learner than her, though, coming quite a ways in the few days they'd been trading languages.

The Hinterlands was nicer than the mountains; it was good to be out of the snow. It was still quite cold, though.

They had met up with an Inquisition camp, where a dwarven woman had given them the lay of the land. Scout Harding had pointed them in Mother Giselle's direction.

"What kind of books do you write?" Holli asked Varric.

She had just learnt about Hard in Hightown. When Varric had introduced himself, he had said he was a storyteller, but she had assumed he meant like a bard or around the campfire.

"Rubbish ones," Cassandra snorted.

"Aw, Seeker, you've read them? I'm touched."

Cassandra let out a disgusted grunt.

"In answer to your question, a bit of a mix. Hard in Hightown is about a seasoned detective, featuring murder, mystery, and mayhem, taking place in Kirkwall's Hightown."

Holli smiled. "What else?"

"Swords and Shields is an ongoing romance—"

"Trouble ahead," Solas told them, taking his staff from his back.

Holli could hear it too, the sounds of fighting. Scout Harding had told them mages and templars were fighting all over the area. She couldn't feel a tingling in her hands, so it probably wasn't rifts and demons; it had to be mages and templars.

Cassandra turned to look at her. "Wait here; stay safe."

Holli nodded, the others dropping their packs and leaving them with her to look after. While they ran off to fight, she dragged their things off the path and into the trees. Better to be hidden, just in case. She climbed onto a rock, sitting cross-legged, and stared about at the trees, their packs on the ground beside her.

She'd never had much to do with nature growing up in the city. Her mum wasn't the outdoorsy type, and she'd never known her dad; she didn't even know who he was aside from a first name on her birth certificate that sounded fake. Her friends weren't outdoorsy either, so she'd never gone camping or hiking. And without her phone, there wasn't much to do but take in her surroundings. It was cold in the shade of the trees, but if she ignored the sound of distant fighting, it was quite peaceful. If she looked straight up, she could see the sky and scraps of cloud between the treetops. How long had it been since she'd just stared at the sky?

She remembered imagining cloud shapes with Yvette when they were in primary school. Had it been that long?

The internet said time in nature was beneficial to one's mental health. She could sort of see why. The sound of the breeze through the leaves was nice. Not as nice as pouring rain, but nice.

"Hey, little bird, it's safe," she heard Varric call.

She slid off her rock and grabbed their packs, coming out of the trees. On one hand, she felt a little useless hiding while they walked into danger. On the other hand, what good was she going to be in a fight? She'd get fucking killed.

"Come on, Mother Giselle's waiting."

She walked with him towards the village.

"You might want to keep your eyes down," Varric told her.

Of course that immediately made her do the opposite. There were bodies... So many bodies. So far the only thing she had seen them kill was demons. There had been the dead when she had been climbing the mountain, but not like this, not so many in one place. And she had been a bit preoccupied that day; it hadn't registered like this did. Maybe it was seeing the dead kids that did it; she wasn't sure. Innocent people had been killed... refugees. There was blood; she could see where their skin had been slashed open, smell the burnt flesh and hair...

"Hey, little bird," Varric said, his voice soothing, like he knew.

"What's going on?" Holli could hear Cassandra's voice, but it sounded so far away.

"Holli," she heard Solas's voice, but like Cassandra's, it sounded distant. "Eyes on me."

His face suddenly filled her vision, his warm hands on the sides of her face.

"I think—I think this might be real. I think I might really be here," she whispered, her hands coming up to desperately grip his wrists.

She'd thought she'd accepted that possibility, but what that really meant—everything it entailed—was only just striking her now.

She was in another world—a world where people killed each other with swords and magic, where demons were real, where she stood not ten feet from murdered children. In her own world she heard about the atrocities committed in faraway countries, but she'd never seen it, never been this close to it. And they might not find a way back; she could be stuck here for the rest of her life. Who would take care of her mum?

"It is real. And I'm sorry that you're here," he said softly.

"I want to go home."

"I'll find a way. Just bear with it a while longer. One foot in front of the other."

Holli let out a shuddering breath and nodded, closing her eyes. She was being pathetic; she needed to pull herself together.

"I'm sorry."

"This world is asking much of you. You're allowed a moment."

It was. It was asking a lot of her. She was supposed to close a hole in the sky.

But she wasn't really contributing anything. The others were walking into danger to make sure she got to where she needed to go because she couldn't look after herself. They kept watch at night to make sure they all stayed safe while she just slept.

She had always thought she was quite independent—her mother was a druggie and a drunk, Holli had had to fend for herself a lot because she couldn't rely on her mum. But here...

Shove it down, hide her bullshit. Her life wasn't great, but she'd managed to keep it a secret from even her best friends. She'd hidden injuries; she could hide her panic. And her fear. Take a deep breath and pretend she wasn't drowning.

She took a calming breath and opened her eyes, biting the inside of her cheek in an attempt to refocus. When she let go of Solas's wrists, he dropped his own hands from her face, taking a step back.

"Mother Giselle?" She asked, her voice not as strong as she would have liked. Her whole body felt like jelly from the narrowly avoided panic attack.

"This way," he told her, leading her up to the nearest building.

Holli kept her eyes on his back to avoid taking in too much around her. Maybe being a doctor wasn't for her if she couldn't handle this kind of thing. She clenched her fists and tamped down on the thought. No, she just needed to desensitise herself. Just... not today.

Solas directed her to a dark-skinned woman in a silly hat who was trying to convince an injured man to allow a mage to heal him.

The others had been telling her about the world she now found herself in—the Templars, the Maker, Andraste, the Chantry and the Circles, the mages, and the general public's distrust. The why of it—demon possession. Not just horror stories or mental health issues here.

Mother Giselle finished with the soldier, turning her attention to Holli. Holli had her hands in her coat pockets, but the glow of her hand could still be faintly seen.

"You must be the one they are calling the Herald of Andraste," she said, coming to join her, taking her chin in hand and examining her. "You are but a child."

"So everyone keeps saying," Holli retorted, pulling back. "And I'm not the Herald of Andraste; she didn't send me."

Holli wanted to be very clear about that. She didn't want people thinking she was something she wasn't.

"Then who did?" She asked simply, indicating for Holli to walk with her.

"No one. I think it's just... some cosmic fluke. You know... shit happens."

Holli could see Cassandra facepalm in her periphery, Varric snickering. The others were a respectful distance away but clearly still within earshot.

"We are seldom made privy to the Maker's plans, and I would not presume to know them. But I doubt very much that your appearance here, and your power, can be ascribed to a fluke."

Only because she didn't know where Holli had come from, or the events prior to her appearance here. Holli didn't believe in God; a cosmic fluke was far more likely. A magical accident. Honestly, Holli had no idea how to begin to explain her presence here. But Gods or prophets or whatever was way down the list.

"Why did you want to see me?" Holli asked.

It felt a little like being called to the principal's office—if the office were on the other side of a mountain range in the middle of a warzone...

"I know of the Chantry's denouncement, and I'm familiar with those behind it. I won't lie to you; some of them are grandstanding, hoping to increase their chances of becoming the new Divine. Some are simply terrified. So many good people, senselessly taken from us..."

"But don't you stand with the rest of the Chantry?"

That was how it was supposed to work, wasn't it? Brains ground to mush and turned to 'faith' and obedience.

"With no Divine, we are each left to our own conscience—and mine tells me this. Go to them. Convince the remaining clerics you are no demon to be feared. They have heard only frightful tales of you. Give them something else to believe."

Frightful tales of a fifteen-year-old girl... What was being said about her exactly?

"They want to execute me, and you want me to make it easier for them?"

"You are no longer alone. They cannot imprison or attack you."

Holli's eyes drifted over to the others. Endangering them further didn't sit right with her.

"Let me put it this way: you needn't convince them all. You just need some of them to doubt."

The power-hungry ones weren't going to be convinced unless she had something to offer them that would benefit them. Because apparently saving their world wasn't enough. It would be the scared ones she'd need to work on.

It reminded her of the climate change disaster in her own world. The people with the power didn't care as long as they kept benefitting from it.

"Their power is their unified voice. Take that from them, and you receive the time you need."

"Would they even listen to me?"

Even in her world, teenagers were largely ignored on important issues.

"I suppose that would depend on your words. I honestly don't know if you've been touched by fate or sent to help us... but I hope. Hope is what we need now."

Holli nodded, trying to figure out what to say to these people.

"I will go to Haven and provide Sister Leliana the names of those in the Chantry who would be amenable to a gathering. It is not much, but I will do whatever I can."

Holli nodded. What was that quote about looking for the helpers?

"Thank you, Mother Giselle."

Holli was a little surprised to find she meant it. Any help was surely better than none.

Mother Giselle gave a polite nod and moved on to continue with her own business. Holli rejoined the others.

"Now what?" She asked.

"Now we go and speak to Corporal Vale," Cassandra told her. 

Chapter Text

They hadn't made the journey back to Haven right away, lingering near the Crossroads to help the refugees for days. There was clean-up to do, damage to try and repair, and funerals to ready the dead for. Holli tried to help where she could, mostly as a gofer and often a babysitter. Initially it had been one toddler; a frazzled mother had left her daughter with Holli while she tried to care for her injured husband. Who could be more trustworthy than the Herald of Andraste?

Holli had never had much to do with little children. She worked as a waitress in a cafe. And not the nice, trendy, family-friendly kind.

After that, kids had started gathering about her, some sent there by their parents, she was sure. Others just had nothing better to do. Holli may not have had much to do with kids, but she knew how to play, and keeping them entertained with stories was an easy feat. Turned out Spiderman was a fan favourite even here. Of course she'd altered the world a bit; they weren't going to know what skyscrapers or cars were. But they liked the idea of a boy with spider powers who could shoot webs out of his hands. Most of them. One girl thought it was disgusting. Since Holli had neglected the bit about the web shooters being gadgets, she could see how someone might be grossed out by that.

Sometimes Cassandra and either Varric or Solas would leave the village for hours at a time. But one of them was always left to babysit her. Since Cassandra was considered something of Inquisition leadership, she never stayed. She had to go out there and further the Inquisition's goals. But they wouldn't leave Holli unprotected.

She was acclimatising to this place, trying her damndest to accept this was the way things were for now. That acceptance had helped a little. But seeing more people die of their injuries every day was... difficult. And every day more refugees arrived, displaced by the fighting or the demons. There was a pall of despair in the air.

So when more kids flocked to her to play, she tried to make it fun. They'd lost homes and family members and were in a strange place most of them didn't know. She could relate.

"Ralf, you were tagged!" Holli called out.

Kaeso had clearly tagged him, and the boy had kept running. Holli had taught them freeze tag; they already had tag; surprisingly, they hadn't come up with the freeze part. It was one of their favourite games to play. Holli had been kind of enjoying it too. Reminded her of simpler days. Even if she did suck at it. She spent more time being frozen than running around, but it gave her a chance to catch her breath.

"I was not!" He called back, stopping to pout at her.

"We all saw it!" Laelia said, earning a chorus of agreement from the other children.

"I was not!" He said, stamping his foot and doubling down.

"My dude, if you're going to cheat, no one is going to want to play with you," Holli said, hands on hips.

"Fine!" He spat, storming off.

Holli sighed. Sometimes they were little shits. "You guys keep playing; I'll go talk to him. Back soon, yeah?"

The other kids nodded, carrying on with their game while Holli jogged after Ralf. Damn it, he was running. She felt a jolt of panic when she watched him run up the path away from the village, outside of its protective boundary. He darted into the trees.

"Ralf, stop!"

He kept running; Holli pushed herself harder to catch up with him. He suddenly cried out, disappearing from view as he fell down an embankment. Holli skidded to a stop; a familiar tingle had started in her hand. She could see the rift, out of her range from here. And she could see demons. She looked down, spotting Ralf in the rocks.

"Ralf? Are you okay?" She called.

"No," he sobbed out.

Fuck fuck fuck. The demons had seen him and were quickly making their way over. She sat down and scooted over the edge, trying to control her slide down to him. It must have been about fifteen feet or so, and the kid had probably gone rolling down it with how sudden it had been. Running through a forest she'd thought the most dangerous thing would be tree roots, not the ground suddenly dropping out from under you.

She made it down to him, completely unsure of what to do now, mindful of the approaching danger. She was an idiot; she should have gone and gotten help. But then the demons might have gotten him before she could get back. Now they were both just going to die.

"Well, Ralf, demons are going to kill us," she said, peeking over the boulder they were hidden behind. Don't panic, don't panic. "I hope you've learnt a valuable lesson about cheating."

He looked horrified at the prospect. Good.

"Can you move?" Maybe they could outrun them.

"My leg hurts, and my arm."

While she had taken a few first aid courses, funnily enough, none of them covered how to treat a child while demons bore down on you. His clothes were ripped, and there was a fair bit of blood. She couldn't see bones sticking out at least. Maybe just bad grazes. The embankment he'd gone rolling down was mostly stone.

"It's probably going to hurt, but I'm going to pull you onto my back, and we're going to have to run."

He nodded, and she turned around, trying to pull him onto her back, but he cried out in pain and pulled away. She could hear the demons getting closer, hear them scrabbling on the other side of the rocks. Fuck, trying to outrun them over rocks with a kid on her back wasn't going to work. She couldn't even get him on her back.

"Okay, that's not going to work," she muttered, looking around for a weapon.

Plenty of rocks, some branches... Maybe she could distract them, get them to chase her, lead them away from Ralf. Or if she could get to the rift, try and close it, that would stun them, buy them a bit of time.

Before she could do anything, one of them topped the boulder. Ralf screamed as it raised its claws to strike her. Holli threw her hands up to protect her face and heard a shrieking hiss out of the creature. Holli looked up, no blow coming. There was a shimmering barrier between them and the demons.

"Oh thank fuck, Solas must have found us," she breathed out, relieved.

She looked around but couldn't see him anywhere. More and more demons were climbing over the rocks and pounding against the barrier. No one was attacking the demons, though. Could Solas not fight and hold up the barrier at the same time? Where was he?

The barrier was almost spherical, a bit jaggedy in some spots, but it must have been strong. They weren't getting through.

She turned her attention back to Ralf. "Okay, let's get out of here. I'm just going to try lifting you."

Hopefully Solas could move the barrier with them. She crouched down, sliding her arms under him and grunting with the exertion of lifting him. He wasn't a small kid, more than half her size. Climbing over the rocks was going to be tricky.

"If we fall and I drop you, no I didn't," she warned him.

He let out a nervous laugh, his eyes on the demons still battering their shield. Every time they hit it, she felt like a small piece of her cracked, and fear seeped in. How much more could this thing take? She carefully wound her way through the rocks, keeping an eye out for Solas so she could make her way to him.

"Christ, dude, why are you so heavy? Aren't you meant to be a starving refugee?"

He glared at her for that one. "Why are you so weak?"

"Why are you such a butt?"

She slipped, nearly dropping him and falling down herself.

"Be careful!" He snapped.

"Or maybe I should just leave you here."

They both knew she wouldn't do it.

Just focus on one foot in front of the other. Ignore the demons pounding against the barrier made of magic—a force up until a little while ago she hadn't even believed in.

"Over here! I see them!" She heard Cassandra's voice call out over the clearing, and she, Varric, Solas, and Inquisition soldiers flooded in. The demons turned their attention from her and started fighting the soldiers. Solas, Varric, and Cassandra came to where she was standing with the boy.

"You'll need to close that rift," Cassandra said. "Give the boy to Solas."

She looked to Solas expectantly, and he stared back, neither moving.

"Don't you need to drop the barrier?" She asked him.

"No. I didn't create it," he replied, reaching out and lightly brushing his fingers over the shimmer. "It feels like your magic, Holli."

She shot him a less than impressed look. "Impossible," she said flatly.

"And yet..." He gestured to the barrier. "Can you not feel it? Our magic is as much a part of us as our arms and our legs. This shield should feel like an extension of yourself. How did it come to be?"

She weighed his words, his expression, the look in his eyes. He seemed genuine.

"We were about to be hit, and it just appeared. I thought it was you, that you must have found us."

He shook his head. "I've only just arrived."

"It can't be me," she said. "We don't have magic where I come from."

"Holli, I think it is time you start accepting what I've been saying." She didn't like the chiding tone. "You are a mage, and this barrier is yours. Only you can take it down." From his hand, fire started pouring out against the barrier. "What does that feel like?"

She could feel it, not the heat of the flames, but like the blows from the demon, like a piece of her fracturing.

"Like something is cracking. Inside."

"What is cracking?"

"I don't know?"

His brow furrowed at that. He turned back to see the demons had been dispatched by the soldiers, and they were waiting for Holli to close the rift.

"The demons are gone now, we're here, and you're safe. Take a deep breath and relax."

She could see he was telling the truth about the demons, and she did so, taking a deep breath and draining the tension out of her on the exhale. The barrier blinked out of existence.

"See? That was you," Solas said, faint amusement colouring his tone as he took the boy from her arms. "We'll have to teach you control. Now go close that rift."

She nodded, walking closer to it on shaky legs. Closing the rifts was easy now, if still uncomfortable. She pulled it closed, rejoining the others amidst cheers from the soldiers. Every closed rift seemed to be something to celebrate.

They started walking back to the Crossroads; Holli remained silent while Cassandra scolded her for leaving the village. Holli was lost in her own thoughts.

Was she magic? Solas had been saying it from day one, but there'd been no proof. Should she count today as proof? She would think doing magic would feel like something. But it hadn't really felt like anything. The cracking feeling just felt like anxiety. When the force field had dropped, it had no more impact to it than a bubble popping.

The thought that maybe Solas was messing with her came to mind, but he really didn't seem the type. And from what conversations they'd had about mages and the Fade, this was an area that he took very seriously.

"Holli, are you listening?" Cassandra's voice pierced her thoughts.

"To what?" Holli asked, earning a disgusted grunt from Cassandra.

Varric patted her hard on the back as he laughed.

Shit, what had she missed?

Chapter Text

"What does it feel like when you dream?" Solas asked her.

She sat cross-legged on the floor, Solas opposite her. They were sitting on the floor of the house they'd been making use of while they stayed here. They had offered to use their tents to make more room for the refugees, but no one had wanted to kick the Herald and her companions out into the cold.

"It depends on the dream. Sometimes I'll wake up annoyed or sad. If I can remember it at all."

"How does it feel while you're in your dream?" He clarified.

"It doesn't feel like anything. It's a dream."

"Are you able to influence it at all?"

"Oh, do you mean like lucid dreaming? I've never been able to do that. They say you have to train yourself to do it, and I've never had much of an interest in trying."

Solas let out a short huff of breath before changing tactics. "Do you recall how I told you mages draw their magic from the Fade?"

She nodded.

"It is also where people go when they dream, mage or no."

"With the exception of dwarves," Varric added, he was sitting in the corner at the table cleaning Bianca.

Solas acknowledged that point.

"Why not dwarves?"

"Dwarves aren't connected to the Fade, so we can't dream."

She turned to face him. "You don't dream? Ever? You just go to sleep and... nothing?"

Varric nodded.

"Weird," she mused.

"From my side, you're the weird ones. You just lie down and hallucinate for hours on end?"

"Actually, on average, most people only dream about two hours a night, mostly during the REM sleep stage."

This earned her questioning looks from the others.

"Rapid Eye Movement sleep stage," she clarified, not sure if that was what they were asking.

"How do you know that?" Varric asked. "About how long dreams are?"

"Sleep science is a thing where I come from. They study the brain activity of sleeping people to see what happens. We still haven't figured out why we dream; they reckon it could be the subconscious processing the day, or the brain building memory, or a form of mental housekeeping. Some people think there is no why, and that it's just an incidental brain activity. Neuroscience and psychology are still trying to figure it out."

"I don't know if the Fade exists where you come from, or how dreams work there," Solas said, getting them back on track. "But here, dreaming and the Fade are connected. Even if you're not a mage."

"There's no magic where I come from; there's probably no Fade. And I'm not from here, so I'm not connected to the Fade."

"Yet you performed magic today," Solas pointed out. "Given your less than conventional origins, I am willing to believe things might work a little differently for you. But it's there all the same, and you need to learn to work with it."

"All right, fine," she finally agreed.

Maybe he was right, and she would be able to cast spells. Maybe he was wrong and nothing else about her needed to change.

"The world around us can be manipulated by magic by simply willing it. The practice of magic consumes energy; too much, and a mage can expend their own life force, so you must be careful."

"How will you know if you're using too much? That barrier today felt like nothing. Does it just not require much to work?"

"No, a shield receiving that kind of punishment and existing as long as it did—you should have felt that. The Fade clings to us, and we use that energy to shape the world around us via... our own wells of power. These wells—for lack of a better word—exist only in mages. It is also what determines how powerful our spells are and how much Fade energy we can work with. It's possible you have quite a substantial source to draw from."

"But when I got here, my magic was depleted, right? Do you know why?"

"It could have been from trying to keep you alive or the leap from your world to ours. There is no way to know for sure."

"And it just restores itself over time?"

"With proper rest," he nodded.

"Well, I slept for three days, so..."

"That likely helped, yes."

"So where has it been my whole life?"

There were certainly times she could have used a bit of magic in it.

"With no Fade, it was likely you couldn't access it."

"So there could be magical people all over my world, and we just can't use it?"

Reminded her of that myth about daddy longleg spiders being the deadliest in the world and just not having the fangs to use it. Of course, that ended up being complete bullshit.

"I couldn't say," Solas replied.

He suspected there was more to Holli's origins, though his belief she was half elven was unconfirmed. At this point in time he had no way to confirm it. He just had the feeling she belonged in this world as much as her previous one.

"Now, the first step is learning to reach that well of power..."

-

Holli was in her element when she was learning. It was something she enjoyed, and it came so easily to her. Learning to read the language wasn't coming as quickly to her as it was to Solas, but it was by no means slow.

And books had always been an escape—both fiction and nonfiction of all genres—so she was extra motivated. There was a lot to learn about this world, and books would help. She was getting bloody annoyed missing so much context for things.

Magic was a different beast. Solas had said it was as much intuition and emotion as it was logic and reason. That had been a little harder to get around, but once she managed to conjure fire the first time, she knew what using magic felt like. And once she knew, it wasn't hard to replicate it.

She was a little miffed he had been right about her having magic. Not at him, at herself. If she had accepted it earlier, she could have been learning it sooner. Perhaps the rift situation with Ralf might have gone better.

But the irritation had died quickly as she learnt more. Solas hadn't expected much of her without a staff or some kind of tool to help focus it, but she was managing just fine.

On the trek back to Haven, every evening once they had set up camp, she and Solas worked on her magic, and then after dinner they worked on reading. Solas was a patient teacher and didn't judge her for her mistakes, few as they were.

In their lessons, he taught her about the Fade and its spirits, about the demons and how they came to be. That mages drew them like moths to flame, and she must be careful. That they might come to her in the Fade while she slept, try to make deals with her, tempt her. If they promised to get her home, Solas assured her it was lies. Do not take the deal.

She wasn't convinced her dreams were in the Fade; she doubted she'd be getting any offers from demons anyway. Nothing about her dreams had changed since arriving here, nothing to indicate they came from anywhere else but her own subconscious.

Once they arrived back in Haven Solas promised they could spend more time on their lessons. These lessons also gave her something to do other than agonise over her situation.

They would only be in Haven for a short time while they rested from their journey and prepared for their next one—to Orlais to speak with the religious types.

Mentally she had been working on a grand speech for them—about pulling together against a common threat, making history against this evil, saving orphans, blah blah blah. She'd written speeches for school before, and she did well with them. Granted, she'd never had to convince a religious order not to execute her.

She made her way up to the Chantry to meet with the others. They wanted to discuss more about what was to happen in Orlais. When she got up to the Chantry, there was quite a crowd gathered around yelling. Were they here to hang her? She froze in her step as she watched.

Commander Cullen stepped in; from this distance, she couldn't hear what was being said, but he managed to disperse them, the crowd wandering off, if a little begrudgingly.

She joined Commander Cullen out front of the Chantry, where he was speaking with Roderick. That prick was still here?

"What was that about?" She asked.

"Mages and templars were already at war," Cullen told her. "Now they're blaming each other for the Divine's death."

"Which is why we require a proper authority to guide them back to order," Roderick snapped.

"Who, you?" Cullen sneered. "Random clerics who weren't important enough to be at the Conclave?"

"Ha! Nice," she said, holding her hand up for a high five. When he didn't reciprocate, she grabbed his hand and did it for him.

He frowned at her but didn't scold her at least.

"The rebel Inquisition and its so-called 'Herald of Andraste'? I think not," Roderick spat.

"From the sounds of it, I doubt we'll do worse than the last lot," Holli said.

"Are you suggesting I exalt a murderer? What of justice?"

"Murderer? I guarantee you your actions have caused more murder than mine," she scoffed. "Why is this wank stain still here?"

Roderick spluttered at the name-calling, and Cullen looked like he was trying to smother his amusement. Christ, he was hot.

"Clearly your templar knows where to draw the line," Roderick said, injecting a fair bit of venom into the word 'templar.'

"He's toothless," Cullen replied. "There's no point in turning him into a martyr simply because he runs at the mouth. The chancellor's a good indicator of what to expect in Val Royeaux, however."

He indicated for Holli to walk with him, and they headed inside the Chantry.

"No matter how we might want to, we shouldn't go around calling people names," he told her. "You've got quite the mouth on you."

"Do I? This is how everyone talks where I'm from. Worse even. I'm pretty PG actually."

He cast a questioning look down at her.

"Parental Guidance recommended," she explained. "Some material may not be suitable for children. May contain some profanity, violence, or-"

She ended there. No need to finish that. She wouldn't want people getting the wrong idea.

"Right."

"Greetings, Herald of Andraste."

Holli winced, looking to Mother Giselle. The woman had arrived days before them, given they'd stayed in the Hinterlands a while.

"Holli," she told her.

Mother Giselle only inclined her head. "How fares your quest to seal the Breach?"

"It's still faring," she replied, unsure.

"A task such as closing the Breach is a heavy burden. I hope you do not carry it alone."

"I don't really do much at all; the others are pretty much carrying me at this. They just point me in the right direction and I fling my hand about."

She heard Cullen stifle a noise beside her; what it might have been, she didn't know.

"We remember Andraste, but Andraste did not carry the Chant of Light alone. She had generals and advisors, and though it is considered heresy to say it, she had the aid of Shartan."

That was a new name to her, but Holli nodded along politely until Mother Giselle finished what was really starting to sound like a sermon.

It was her parting words that had her doing a double take.

"In any case, I pray this Inquisition proves less brutal than its predecessor."

Holli's gaze quickly shot to Cullen for an explanation, but he just gestured for her to follow. They entered the room at the end of the hall where Leliana, Cassandra, and Josephine were waiting.

The women greeted them both before getting right into it.

"Having the Herald address the clerics is not a terrible idea," Josephine said.

"You can't be serious," Cullen scoffed. "We'd be throwing her to the wolves."

She shot him a flat look for that.

"Mother Giselle isn't wrong: at the moment, the Chantry's only strength is that they are united in opinion."

"And we should ignore the danger to Holli?" Leliana asked.

"Let's ask her."

"I'm not sure we should be leaving it to her; she cannot fully comprehend—"

"I'm fifteen, not five," Holli cut Cassandra off. "I can comprehend just fine."

"You're fifteen?" Cassandra asked.

"Yes, how old did you think I was?"

"Younger. You're very small. Combine that with your complete ignorance of our world..."

"Is that why you've been treating me like a troublesome child?"

"A little. You are also just troublesome at times."

"Look, I know I can't fight for shit, and I haven't learnt near enough magic to defend myself. But I can talk, and I learn quickly. I can address a bunch of churchies."

"I assume you won't be calling any of them wank stains or churchies," Cullen said, his amusement clear.

"As long as they're not acting like Roderick was."

"They probably will be. Maybe even worse."

"Fine, I won't call anyone names. I can fake pleasantness too. I worked in food service before I got here. Did Mother Giselle give you the names?"

"She did. But this is nothing but a-"

"What choice do we have?" Cassandra asked, quite the about face from her comments before. "We must do something. Right now we can't approach anyone for help with the Breach. Use what influence we have to call the clerics together. Holli is willing. And Solas, Varric, and I will be there to protect her."

There was a long moment of silence, Cullen and Leliana the last holdouts. But once Cullen gave a resigned sigh, Leliana caved as well.

"All right," Leliana said. "I'll have it arranged by the time you reach Val Royeaux."

"We'll leave early tomorrow morning," Cassandra said.

"Cool," Holli said. "I have a lesson with Solas now; I'm gonna take off."

She gave them a little wave before disappearing out the door.

She was trying to be more positive about the situation, help more, and feel like less of a burden. Everyone here was trying to help, at the very least pulling their own weight. What skills she had weren't really suited to this environment. There was a tavern here, but the woman who ran it already had all the help she needed. So Holli focused on learning to read the language here, practicing her magic, and trying not to make Rythal's job any harder or bigger than it needed to be. Holli could clean up after herself anyway; it wasn't that hard.

"Hello, Solas," she greeted.

In the couple of days since they had been back, he usually waited near Adan's for her to arrive for a lesson.

"Good afternoon, Holli," he returned. "You're ready, I take it?"

She nodded, falling into step beside him. He felt it best they didn't practice magic within Haven's walls. There were still some very nervous folk about.

They made their way out the gate and around to the other side of the frozen lake, finding a sunny spot—for all the good it did. It felt like the sun's warmth just couldn't make it all the way down here. Their practice area was close enough to Haven that they could call for help if needed, but hidden enough that no one from Haven would be able to see clearly what they were up to.

"Is there magic that isn't, like, offensive or defensive?" She asked.

So far she'd only seen it used to fight. When they had been in the Crossroads, she'd seen it used to heal, but not to help with the cleanup or the everyday little tasks.

"Yes, but explain to me what you mean by that."

Solas had told her magic essentially rendered reality mutable, that mages can reshape it. But so far she hadn't seen much of that—just people flinging the elements around.

"Like... casting a spell on a book to make it read itself out loud to you, or making yourself fly, or giving animals the ability to speak to you..."

"There are schools of magic that do not focus on battle, but those particular spells... The first I've never seen or heard of, the second—while it has been attempted, very few have managed more than brief levitation without the aid of shapeshifting. As for the third, many mages have tried. None have been successful."

"Have you ever tried?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I've never needed to."

"Does it have to be about need? Can't you just try something to see if you can, or because it might be fun?"

He looked at her a long time, but she couldn't figure out his expression. He didn't look angry or annoyed at least.

"Most consider magic too dangerous to be fun or too powerful to be wasted on frivolity."

"But it can be?" She pressed.

"You're welcome to try once you have a bit more experience."

"What about long-distance communication?" She asked. "Has anyone invented that?"

If she could figure out a way to make magic take the place of her everyday modern conveniences, that would be handy. Not that she had anyone to communicate with, but the Inquisition could probably make use of it.

"How would you work it?" He asked curiously.

"I don't know. Mirrors, then you could get the visual. Connected books you could write messages in."

Like texting, but obviously different. Medieval texting.

He let out a thoughtful hum before commencing their lesson. 

Chapter Text

Val Royeaux wasn't entirely a bust, Holli supposed. There had been people willing to help and people willing to listen, even if those they needed most still refused.

The Templar leader sounded like an arrogant piece of shit; she was starting to second guess her decision to go to them for help first. But she really would prefer not to have other people's magic poured into her.

Though her practice was coming along nicely, and she was learning more about magic, the mages they'd use to power her up could fuck up and kill her. At least if the Templars messed up, it was unlikely anything bad would happen to her directly. Maybe she was being a wuss; maybe her fears were valid; it was difficult for her to tell.

Cassandra and Leliana did seem confident the mages would do fine. She'd asked Solas since he was a mage, and a skilled one at that. But he only said it was not his decision and he could not influence her. She must do what she was comfortable with.

The trek back to Haven was a little livelier with two more companions. Holli didn't really understand why Sera had wanted to join the cause, but it was nice to have someone closer to her own age. As for Vivienne, Holli didn't really know where she stood with her. There was something about the woman that reminded her of a viper waiting to strike. She'd been nothing but cordial, but Holli got the feeling she could turn nasty in an instant, and her prey wouldn't see it coming.

The woman had also brought a bit of an entourage with her, servants or staff? They carried her belongings, fetched her things, and basically did everything she asked. So they had a much larger camp on the way back. But if Vivienne was going to set her staff to helping people around Haven, the more helping hands, the better.

What she didn't like about Vivienne was the way she muscled in on her lessons with Solas. The woman had a very different approach to magic than the elf, more aggressive and controlling. Holli didn't like it. Or the way she viewed mages. Holli could admit she didn't know enough about either side of the situation to really take a side, but the way Vivienne spoke of the mages trying to get their freedom didn't sit right with her. Like they were wrong for not wanting to be ripped from their families and forced into a tower under constant guard for something that may or may not happen.

So Solas and Holli took their lessons elsewhere when they did them. Sera sometimes tagged along, offering some snarky commentary. Solas didn't seem happy about it, but he hadn't tried to make her leave either. He did chide her when she became too much of a distraction, though—Sera talked a lot. And found it hilarious to try and make Holli laugh when she was attempting to cast a spell—at best her spell would fail, at worst it sort of blew up in her face.

She did wonder why Solas didn't send Sera away.

Maybe he should have.

"Holy shit," Holli breathed out, turning wide eyes on Solas.

She hadn't even been trying to conjure fire, yet the tree nearest them had burst into roaring flames. Solas reacted quickly; a gesture with his hand and the tree was drenched in water. The fire took a few moments to be put out, though, it almost looked like it stood a fighting chance against the water.

"That's not what I was trying to do, I swear," she said, looking up at Solas, pleading for him to believe her.

"I know," he said, casting a narrow-eyed look at Sera, who was sitting nearby on a rock.

"What?" Sera asked. "Her piss-poor skill ain't my fault."

It wasn't. Holli should be better at focusing and not let Sera's jokes derail that.

"Have you noticed each day your spells are stronger than the day before?" Solas asked her.

"I do practice, even without you," she told him.

"Practice hones skill, not necessarily strength. The power behind your spells is increasing. It would appear your magic is still recovering. We have yet to find your limits. Too much power and too little skill make for a dangerous combination."

She nodded; made sense.

"You need to pull back on the amount of power you're injecting into your spells."

"Cool, ok..." She mumbled, trying to figure out how to do just that.

She hadn't considered the amount of power; she just did it. It was surprisingly easy to cast a spell. She hadn't realised her depleted magic had been setting its own limits; now those limits were expanding. She had been trying to do the warming spell Solas had used on her. She was a little hesitant now knowing that could have been her engulfed in flames.

"Worried you're gonna set yourself on fire?" Sera grinned.

"A little bit," Holli replied. "How is the care for burns in this world?" She asked.

"You'll not burn yourself. I didn't let that happen before, and I won't now," Solas told her.

He had deflected her spell from her? He was just standing there leaning on his staff; he didn't look like he was primed to cast anything. But he hadn't led her astray so far, and his teachings were working.

She took a breath and gave it another go, drawing from that well he'd told her about, heating up the air around her. It wasn't the instant relief like when he'd done it; it was slower, but she could feel it. She was a little scared to make it quick, worried that could have been partially to blame for the tree debacle. Too hot too fast.

When she felt warm enough, she cut off the magic, grinning to herself before casting a beaming one to Solas.

"I think I did it; I feel warm."

"Cast it on me," he told her, a faint smile on his own face.

"You're ready to protect yourself from bursting into flame?"

"Of course."

It was a little different casting on someone else; she was a little less sure of how far to go.

"Are you warm enough?" She asked. "Should I go higher?"

She imagined it like turning up the dial on the heater.

"That is sufficient, thank you."

"What about you, Sera? Are you cold?" Holli asked eagerly, keen to give it another go.

"Not cold enough to risk becoming charcoal."

"I'm sure you'll have plenty of practice on our trek back to Haven," Solas told her. "We should get back to camp; it's our turn to prepare dinner."

They often got lumped together on cooking duty since they were both occupied with their lessons. Holli didn't mind cooking; it was a small way in which she could be useful. It was a bit lame not having much to work with. While there usually wasn't much in her house, there was at least basic shit most of the time. Cup noodles, or just add water pasta.

Not a whole lot to work with at camp.

-

"It's good you've returned," Josephine didn't bother with greetings when they entered the Chantry. "We heard of your encounter."

Holli never even got to spout her speech thanks to the Templars.

"You heard?" Cassandra asked sceptically.

"Of course," Leliana said, she and Cullen making their way over. "My agents in the city sent word ahead."

"It's a shame the Templars have abandoned their senses as well as the capital," Cullen said, folding his arms over his chest.

"Couldn't that help us?" Holli asked. "If their loyalty's not to the chantry anymore, could we win it somehow?"

"Lord Seeker Lucius is not the man I remember," Cassandra told her, leading them to the room at the end of the Chantry.

"True, he has taken the Order somewhere, but to do what? My reports have been... very odd."

"We must look into it. I'm certain not everyone in the Order will support the Lord Seeker."

"Or Holli could simply go to meet the mages in Redcliffe, instead," Josephine reminded them of the option.

"You think the mage rebellion is more united? It could be ten times worse."

"We could flip a coin," Holli suggested, only half joking. The withering looks cast her way had her rolling her eyes. "Jokes. Sort of."

She would still prefer the Templars, though not the prick in charge. They bickered a little between themselves. If Holli weren't already a little disillusioned by adults, this would possibly be the last nail in that coffin. Seemed it didn't really matter what world it was; no one had their shit together.

To be fair, this was an extraordinary circumstance. She assumed. No one had ever mentioned this happening before anyway.

It was Cullen who reminded them there was little to be done right now, at least attempting to end things. Holli wandered off like the others, making her way back outside. She was going to find Sera.

"Excuse me, I've got a message for the Inquisition, but I'm having a hard time getting anyone to talk to me."

Holli looked at the young man, heavily armoured and obviously a bit annoyed at being fobbed off so often.

"What's up?" She asked. She could at least pass the message along.

"I'm Cremisius Aclassi, with the Bull's Chargers mercenary company. We mostly work out of Orlais and Nevarra."

Orlais she knew; Nevarra she had never heard of.

"We've got word of some Tevinter mercenaries gathering out on the Storm Coast. My company commander, Iron Bull, offers the information free of charge. If you'd like to see what the Bull's Chargers can do for the Inquisition, meet us there and watch us work."

"I'll pass it along to the bosses. Thanks." She offered a pleasant smile and turned back to the chantry to do just that.

She could find Sera later. 

Chapter Text

As the Inquisition grew, there were more and more agents spread about the country, and every time a new rift was discovered, its location was noted and sent to Haven. They kept a list of them in the war room and marked their rough whereabouts on the map.

The ones nearest Haven, Holli was sent to under the watchful eye of at least one of the inner circle—which had grown with the addition of Iron Bull and Blackwall—and a small contingent of soldiers handpicked by Cullen.

Iron Bull was her first encounter with a Qunari, and she may have been less than eloquent about it. But he was a fucking minotaur! Granted, his feet were normal, and, ok, his face was not a bull's. But he had massive horns! The dude himself was massive! She couldn't help but stare. Of course she apologised for it, explained she'd never seen a Qunari before, then pestered him with questions about his anatomy, his culture, and his people's evolution. He didn't seem to mind at least.

Although they had intended to keep her origins between those that had been there the day she'd sealed the Breach, it had gotten out that she wasn't from Thedas. Wasn't from this world at all, not just some foreign country far beyond this continent. Bull had promised to keep it out of his reports, but the rumour had gone beyond the inner circle. No one sought direct confirmation, but others had overheard people talking about it.

After learning that tidbit about her, she had been the one peppered with questions. Some of them—Vivienne and Sera predominantly—hadn't believed it. They'd just thought she was a bit odd and spoke nonsense words sometimes. (Bit rich coming from Sera.) Holli had shown them the books she had and even cracked out a bag of lollies to share. It helped, but it wasn't exactly conclusive proof.

But Holli had decided she wasn't going to put that much more effort into it; they could believe her or not. But she was fine answering any questions they asked.

Varric still asked her a lot from time to time as well, and she wasn't sure, but she thought he might have been drafting up another book. She had explained to him the sci-fi genre; would her world be considered that in this one?

Holli was adjusting to this new life, even if there were still aspects she despised—lack of indoor plumbing and electricity being a biggie. But she was learning and finding her feet.

When she wasn't travelling, learning with Solas, or practicing her magic, she helped in the healer's hut. She had even managed to get them to start adhering to some more decent hygiene practices—stricter about sanitising tools, washing hands all the time, and wearing masks. It had taken time, but there had been a noticeable drop in infections.

She had been a bit grossed out by the maggots, but she did know it was something people had used since ancient times in her own world and could actually be quite effective. If disgusting.

She had gotten to learn how to suture wounds, though, which she was super stoked about. And the physician and herbalists seemed happy enough to show her how to help, especially since she'd proven she knew a thing or two given the drop in infections.

Learning to heal with magic was the next thing she wanted to learn when it came to her magic lessons. In the weeks since he'd started teaching her, she'd managed to reach a point where she could sort of defend herself against demons if they managed to slip past everyone else somehow, at least stall until help came. And she could summon that shield at will now too; she could protect herself and wait for help to arrive. She was discretely practicing with more offensive magic. While she didn't want to fight and kill people, she didn't want to be completely reliant on the others all the time either.

"Holli?"

She heard Solas's voice from the entrance to the healing quarters and looked up from her patient. She worked on patients now! They would never let her do this in her own world.

She gave him a smile, washing her hands with the soap and water provided before joining him at the door.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Cassandra would like you to join them in the war room," he told her.

"Right now?"

"I believe so."

He walked with her to the Chantry, but she had noticed he tended to keep his distance from it. She wasn't sure she had ever seen him go inside either.

"Solas, how hard is healing magic? I'd like to learn."

Solas had been expecting the request sooner or later. One thing he had come to learn about her was she had a voracious appetite for knowledge, especially the healing arts. But then, her aspiration was to become a doctor, so it was hardly surprising. While he'd had pupils in the past, none were quite as quick or as enthusiastic as her.

"No harder than any other school of magic, but the consequences of failure are dire."

"Failures will always be dire, or can be dire?"

"I suppose 'can be' would be more apt, at least in your case. You're an excellent student."

She grinned up at him, eyes warm and pleased. He did not give out praise often, but she truly was. And she didn't let his praise go to her head.

"We can work on the theory of it when next you're free. It would be best if you kept your practice to the inner circle, however."

She nodded. There was still a lot of distrust for magic; she'd seen it in the healing house since she'd started helping out there.

They reached the Chantry, and he bid her a pleasant day before going on his way. She watched him a moment. Solas was kind and a gentleman, but despite that, there was a distance to him, an air of solitude or loneliness maybe. He triggered a mix of compassion and pity in her, like those videos on the internet of abandoned pets who she wished would find a forever home and family.

Of course she would keep that to herself; she doubted he'd be pleased being likened to an abandoned pet in need of adoption.

She headed into the chantry, making her way down to the war room. Inside the other three were already there.

"Ah, good, you're here," Cullen said.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Tomorrow we'll be leaving for Therinfal Redoubt," Cassandra said.

Holli looked to the map; she knew the words by heart now thanks to Solas's lessons and a bit of help from the others. Therinfal Redoubt was quite a ways from Haven. She knew it was where the Templars were holed up too.

"We're ready to try for the Templars?"

"We are," Josephine told her. "We have enlisted the help of ten of Orlais's most influential families. They are all travelling to Therinfal Redoubt as we speak, and we have promised you as our voice in these negotiations."

Negotiations... She could manage that.

"I'll be negotiating with the Lord Seeker, right?" She asked.

They nodded.

"Do we have any dirt on him? Kiddy diddler? Rapist? Closet furry? Foot fetish?"

"Uh, no, nothing like that I'm afraid," Leliana replied. "What is a closet furry?"

"In this context, I mean the kind of guy who's sexually attracted to anthropomorphic animals. And in the closet is just... hiding it. Furryism's not a thing here then?"

"It is where you're from?" Cullen asked, morbidly curious.

"Yeah. It isn't always about sexual attraction," she admitted. "But it could be enough to blackmail Lord Seeker if it was one of his kinks."

"Let's try and negotiate like normal people," Cullen suggested.

"Fine," she sighed. "But it would be easier if we didn't have to. Got a book on the Seekers I could read before we get there?"

"Several," Josephine said. "I'll have them ready for you when we're done here."

Holli nodded. Maybe there'd be something useful in them that could help her. Not as much as blackmail material, but more knowledge about them couldn't hurt. She would have to get help with the reading; she wasn't quite fluent yet, but she certainly didn't need anyone reading it to her anymore.

They spoke a little more about the logistics before Holli followed Josephine to her office. The older woman found several books on her shelves, thick, bloody tomes, and handed them to Holli with a smile.

"Bloody hell," she muttered.

She probably wasn't going to be getting through too much of this before they made it to Therinfal Redoubt. Hopefully she'd at least find something useful.

"And we're sure we've got absolutely no dirt on Lord Seeker?" She tried again.

"None. If he isn't clean, he's very good at hiding it."

Holli huffed a breath but thanked Josephine for the books. She would go back to her place to make a start.

As soon as Holli stepped out of the Chantry, an arrow struck the ground in front of her, narrowly missing her feet by a few millimetres and startling her enough to drop the books she was carrying.
She heard Sera's cackle from the top of the rocky outcropping nearby and cast a fierce glare her way as she bent down to pick up the books.

"Sera, you dipstick," Holli called out.

Sera hopped down, joining her while Holli inspected the books to make sure there wasn't too much damage to them. These weren't bloody hers, and she always tried to be careful with other people's belongings.

"What was that for?" Holli asked, kicking Sera's arrow out of the ground.

"Testing you. You failed. Wouldn't take much to kill ya and then where'd we be? Nothing would ever get back to normal."

"Well, I'll be too dead to care, so not my problem."

"Not very heroicky," she pointed out.

"The heroics are for you guys, the fighters. I just close the rifts."

"Nearly died trying to close the Breach last time I heard."

"Not true, just passed out. I was fine. And once we get the templars it should be even easier to close. Hopefully once it's gone, that'll fix my hand, and then I can focus on finding my way home."

"And leave all this behind?"

"Yes."

She wanted flushable toilets; she wanted to make sure her mother was okay, to make sure her friends were okay, to find out what happened to the boy who shot her. Did Katie survive?

"Now, I have a shit ton of reading to make a start on," she was about to walk away before a thought occurred to her. "Hey, your friends, they don't have any rumours or info on Lord Seeker Lucius, do they?"

"I can ask."

"Awesome, thanks, Sera."

Chapter Text

Holli sat at the table with Bull, Sera, and Varric. She didn't usually come into the tavern. Varric had brought her in for dinner a couple of times, but other than that, she kept her distance. There was still that fear that she might become her mother—and her mother was a barfly.

The others were teaching her how to play Wicked Grace. She'd heard of the game since she'd been here, seen some of the soldiers playing it as she was passing by. She had been curious about it, and now she got to try it. She did fairly well at most card games because she did tend to cheat. And apparently this game expected it. She wasn't sure if that was better or worse, whether it would help or hinder.

Varric had explained the rules, and they were playing a practice game to make sure she got it. It wasn't too difficult to get, and the art on the cards was quite pretty; it reminded her of tarot cards almost.

Varric dealt, and she picked up her cards. No angel of death. Revealing it on the first round would probably annoy most people; she was a little keen to do it for that fact alone. Of course, the winner probably wouldn't give a shit.

"Do you not have Wicked Grace where you come from?" Sera asked.

Holli shook her head.

"Do you have cards at all?"

"Yeah, but they're just numbered, and the face cards are just King, Queen, and Jack, and they're all sorted into four different suits—Diamonds, Hearts, Clubs, and Spades," she replied, discarding a card and picking up another. That had been a lateral move.

She paid close attention to what the others discarded, hoping she could keep track of what was left in the pickup pile and hazard some educated guesses on what might be in their hands.

"So what's the main thing you miss from home?" Sera asked.

Holli shot her a look over her cards. "My mum."

The silence stretched out at that until Sera blew a raspberry. "Boring. And a bit of a depressing answer."

"Well, what did you expect?"

"I dunno, some kind of food maybe."

"I miss not having to walk everywhere. I miss the buses and the tube."

"At least that sounds more interesting; explain that."

Holli did, launching into a wistful explanation of the public transport system. Was it perfect? No. Did it beat walking everywhere in the cold? Absolutely. She even went into planes, not that she'd ever been on one. Her mother wasn't the travelling type.

That got her really going, and she went into the wonders of hot showers and spa pools.

"Your world sounds soft," Bull told her.

"We've definitely made things a lot more convenient for ourselves. Shot ourselves in the foot in other ways. Tell me what you like about this world." She asked them. "What stops you from blowing your brains out?"

"Friends," Sera said. "And making life difficult for those noble twats what think they own us all."

"Yeah, stick it to the man," Holli said, throwing up the rock-on sign. She was only being half sarcastic.

Varric chuckled. "What?"

"Stick it to the man. Fuck authority," Holli explained. "That's something else I miss. People getting what I'm on about."

"Rebellious society you come from?"

"Some people are; some people aren't. Lots of different people. It's a big world. Almost eight billion, last I heard."

They stared at her, wide-eyed.

"Bullshit!" Sera shot out. "How would you even know that?"

"National census data," she replied. "There is like a one or two percent margin of error, of course."

"So what? Someone just goes around and counts you all up?"

"No, every ten years the census is done; we fill out forms about ourselves and the people we live with. It's collected and counted."

"Isn't that a little invasive?" Varric asked.

She hummed noncommittally. "It can help in a lot of ways. Monitors population growth and helps the government develop policies and public services. But our government is also shit, so it doesn't really seem like it's helping all that much."

"But fuck off, eight billion people? Is that even a real number?" Sera pressed.

"Yes?"

Was eight billion really that difficult to comprehend for her?

Holli's eyes widened a fraction as she picked up her next card. The Angel of Death. She didn't think her hand was too bad; she had a chance to be winner if she played it now. Fuck it. Call it.

She revealed her card, getting a disappointed tsk from Bull but a gleeful cackle from Sera. It was Varric who beat them all, though.

"Holy shit, no way you didn't cheat," she said.

"But you didn't see me cheat, did you?"

She hadn't. Too distracted with their questions and her talking. Had that been the plan? But then, Varric hadn't been the one asking questions or doing the talking. For once. Maybe they were all in on it? No, she was being paranoid.

"Another game?" She asked, keen to cement the rules of play into her mind.

"All right. Want to deal?" He asked, offering the cards.

She nodded, accepting the cards with a challenging glint in her eye. Games did tend to bring out her competitive streak.

Hopefully she wouldn't get too ugly about it.

-

"Are the spirits of the Fade just dead people?" Holli asked Solas.

They were outside of Havens walls for another magic lesson, Holli tossing a ball of flame from hand to hand. It didn't even burn if she didn't want it to.

"Some deceased do remain in the Fade for a time," he confirmed.

"So mages who dream in the Fade could make contact with lost loved ones?"

"Not any mage. There are some—like myself—who can wander the Fade at will. But for most, they still dream; they just have more control of themselves in it."

Holli nodded thoughtfully, conjuring another ball of fire and juggling them with one hand.

"Have you ever found someone you lost in the Fade?" She asked softly, not wanting to dredge up any sore spots but still too curious not to ask.

"I have not," he replied.

He'd found she had a tendency to ask questions that were rather difficult to answer truthfully. But he liked that her questions were born from curiosity, not malice and accusation. Just a desire to know. To slot it in with the vast wealth of knowledge she had started to accumulate since arriving in this world.

"Do you have a mum?" She asked, before rolling her eyes. "I mean, is she alive? Of course you have a mum."

He let out an amused breath, just short of a chuckle. "No. No mother. Or father either, before you ask."

"Who taught you magic?"

He watched as she conjured a third ball of flame, juggling all three.

"I've had many teachers," he replied.

"Why are all your answers sort of vague?"

"Would you feel better if I were to list name, race, and occupation?" He quirked a brow at her.

"Kind of."

"Why? You do not know them."

"Maybe I'd meet them one day. Then I could say, 'Hey, I know Solas; he taught me magic.' Then they could tell me all sorts of embarrassing stories from your childhood."

"As lovely a picture as you paint, the possibility of meeting them is so far removed from reality."

"Oh, the Fade?" She asked, a look of sympathy on her face.

"The Fade is reality, Holli. Just not this one."

"Do you encounter many demons when you're in the Fade? Did they try to tempt you?"

She conjured a fourth ball and continued to juggle without missing a beat. Truly, a skill worthy of the Herald of Andraste.

"No more than a brightly coloured fruit is deliberately tempting you to eat it."

"Those slutty fruits..."

This time a chuckle did escape him at her unexpected words, which he smothered quickly. She caught it, though, casting him a beaming grin of accomplishment. He wasn't sure why she felt his amusement to be a challenge overcome.

"I learnt how to defend myself from the more aggressive spirits and how to interact safely with the rest. The Fade can be a wondrous place with much to explore. But it reflects the world around it; to explore the Fade, you must explore here. It also reflects and is limited by our imaginations."

"How can I dream in the Fade?" She asked.

"Are you sure you're not already?"

"Pretty sure. Is there any way to tell?"

"It feels much like when you use your magic."

"Yeah, I don't think I'm dreaming in the Fade then."

"Strange. Let me ponder it for a while."

Holli nodded.

"Now, tell me, did you spend time in a circus?"

"Hn. Nah, one of my distant cousins taught me at my nan's funeral when I was a kid. Well, the service afterwards."

"The control you're exercising over your magic is excellent."

Another beaming grin from her. He'd not seen someone use elemental magic in such a way in a very long time. Especially not fire.

"You speak of your mother now and again, but I've not heard you mention your father," he noted.

"Never met him. He bailed when I was a baby."

There was a note to her tone, a buried hurt she was trying to play off with nonchalance.

"Apologies," he said.

"All good; it wasn't you who abandoned me."

He saw her wince at the bitterness and resolved to change the subject.

Clearly this was a sore spot. 

Chapter Text

"What have you got?" Holli asked.

Sera had received a missive from someone somewhere, and with a not-so-subtle look at Holli, they'd slipped away from the rest of the camp under the guise of gathering firewood.

Sera squatted on the ground when they found a quiet, private spot, and Holli followed suit opposite her. Sera unrolled the little message, her face scrunching up. Not great then.

"He likes to beat the elven stablehands."

Holli rolled her eyes. "Can't really use that."

"Nah, he'd be proud of that," she agreed.

Holli had seen a few instances of elven racism, even in the Inquisition. They were just looked down upon. She had asked Solas why; it turned out there was a fair bit of bloody history, subjugation, betrayal, and slavery... Also, they looked different to humans. Not so different from her own world in some places.

The pair sat silently while they tried to figure out if there was indeed some way to use this.

"You ever thought about just lying?" Sera asked.

"I did, but given his reputation, I'd need something more concrete and irrefutable."

"What are you two doing?"

Both looked up from where they were squatting on the ground to find Iron Bull stepping out of the bushes.

"Ah, you're not shitting, are you?"

"We are, pervert," Sera retorted.

Iron Bull reached out with his foot and nudged Sera's shoulder, tipping her over.

"Who wants to perve on little girls? That's disgusting. Where's the firewood? It's getting low."

"We haven't found any yet," Holli said.

They hadn't been gone that long.

"Well, let's get to it."

"You're here to help us?" Holli asked, getting to her feet.

"Cassandra doesn't want you out here with just this one for protection," Bull told her.

Cassandra had brought more people with them this time around. All of them—Varric, Solas, Bull, Blackwall, Vivienne, Sera, and herself. Despite Holli getting better with her magic, if Cassandra had her way, Holli would be wrapped in bubble wrap and carried around on someone's back. Or maybe one of those baby bags that sat on the front.

Holli understood she was the only one who could close the Breach right now, but Cassandra's protectiveness was going a little overboard. And it wasn't as if Holli was particularly reckless and impulsive. There had been the one incident at the Crossroads ages ago. And every day her magic improved and became stronger. Solas had even taught her a few aggressive spells of his own.

They wandered about the woods and gathered wood; by the time they got back to camp, Sera and Holli had a few pieces each, and Bull was loaded. That would probably be enough to get them through the whole night.

Holli grabbed one of the books Josephine had given her and sat by the fire to read.

"Found anything useful?" Varric asked, poking at the flames with a stick.

"Not really. It's all more about the Templars and not so much the Seekers of Truth."

"The Seekers of Truth don't have much of a written history," Cassandra told her. "And what we do have is kept from the public."

"Why? What are you all hiding?"

"Our abilities and how we came to attain them for the most part. But there is much of our history most of us are not made privy to."

"You don't find that suspicious?"

"Yes. But I am also aware that what we do is necessary, and we do help and protect the people."

"So is it an 'ends justify the means' type of organization?" Holli asked.

"I wouldn't quite put it that way," a little hesitancy to her reply.

Holli didn't bother pushing further. If Cassandra had anything that might help, Holli was pretty sure she would have offered it by now.

She really was all in for the cause.

-

"The Herald of Andraste!"

Holli was getting used to the title; enough she didn't cringe every time she heard it anymore. She looked towards the voice where a pair of men in masks came to her.

"Lord Esmeral Abernache," he greeted. "Honoured to participate. It is not unlike the second dispersal of the reclaimed Dales."

Holli wasn't familiar.

"Ah, Lady Vivienne!" He smiled widely when Vivienne came to stand beside Holli. "We met at last summer's ball? The Duke introduced us."

"Indeed, I could not possibly forget the occasion."

"The Lord Seeker is willing to hear our petition about closing the Breach. A credit to our alliance with the Inquisition. Care to mark the moment? Ten Orlesian houses walk with you."

"It's a shining day to have the best of Orlais in step with the Inquisition," Holli laid it on thick, offering a radiant smile. "The first of many inspirational and influential partnerships, I hope."

"Oh, you're a sweet little thing. People will give you anything." He gestured for her to walk with him, the others falling into step behind them.

They walked along the bridge towards the fortress; the banners of the Order hung over the gate.

"Here we are!" The man said, spreading his arms wide. "Therinfal Redoubt."

"The Lord Seeker abandoned the White Spire to come here," Cassandra all but spat the words.

"It appears they've sent someone to greet you," Abernache told her. "Present well. Everyone is a little tense for my liking."

There was a Templar or a Seeker—she wasn't sure which—waiting for them at the gate. She recognised him from Val Royeaux when they'd met Lucius.

"I present Knight-Templar Ser Delrin Barris, second son of Bann Jevrin Barris of Ferelden," a man introduced them. "Ser Barris, may I be so honoured as to present Lord Esmeral Abernache...?"

The templar completely ignored him, his eyes fixed on Cassandra as he came towards her.

"I'm the one who sent word to Cullen," he told her. "He said the Inquisition works to close this Breach in the Veil. I didn't think you'd bring such lofty company. This... promise of status has garnered interest from the Lord Seeker. Beyond sense. The sky burns with magic, but he ignores all calls to action until your friends arrive."

"Should a Seeker lead the Templars this way?" Holli asked Cassandra.

"In an emergency," she replied. "If there is no other recourse, but his goal should be to restore them to order."

"He has taken command. Permanently," Barris told them.

"If he feels there is a holy mandate..." Cassandra said.

"That is what he claims, and our Commanders parrot him," he sighed. "The Lord Seeker's actions make no sense. He promised to restore the Order's honour, then he marched us here to wait? Templars should know their duty, even when held from it."

"'Bout time one of you gobs said that," Sera muttered, earning a snicker from Holli, which got them both a glare from Barris.

"Win over the Lord Seeker, and every able-bodied knight will help the Inquisition seal the Breach."

"If you know what you should be doing, can't you just overthrow the Lord Seeker and join us anyway?" Holli asked. "A mutiny, or desert, or something?"

"We cannot abandon our orders. Not while the officers who survived the Conclave follow him. We've been asked to accept much after that shameful display in Val Royeaux. Our truth changes on the hour."

Barris gestured for them to follow him further into the fortress.

"The Lord Seeker has a...request before you meet him."

"What is it?" Cassandra asked.

"It's a request of the Herald," Barris said. "The Lord Seeker asked for her by name."

"My name's not Herald," she groaned.

"He called you Lady Whitlock. He changed everything to meet you."

This had her brows furrowing. She didn't go around giving people her name very often. In fact, she hardly told anyone at all outside of those she saw regularly. She looked to Cassandra questioningly.

"Your name has spread farther than you realise," she said.

Holli was uncomfortable with that.

"Why'd he change everything?" She asked Ser Barris.

"I don't know. He's been fixated on you for some time now."

"Fine, what do I have to do?"

He explained the standards she had to raise—the people, the Maker, and the Order. He wanted to see what order she'd put them in. She hoped he was watching.

She stepped up to the wheel of the people, raising it as high as it would go. She had no love or even fondness for the Maker or the Order. But the people, they were who they were doing this for. So people could stop being attacked by demons, to bring back a semblance of normality to their lives. She didn't touch the other flags, returning to Barris and wondering if he would make her do it again.

She wasn't altruistic, definitely not a hero of the people or anything like that—here or in her own world. But when shit happened, it was the normal people who tended to suffer the most, those just trying to get by. And she had seen what this mess was doing to the people in this world.

He did ask her to explain her choice.

"It's not obvious?" She asked.

"I suppose it is," he conceded.

-

Holli looked around, confused about where she was and how she came to be here. The air here felt different—wrong. And the fogginess was giving her Silent Hill vibes—a favourite game and a favourite movie of hers. Though now she wondered if she needed to watch out for creatures similar to theirs.

Through the fog she could see fire and hesitantly walked towards it. The others had vanished; she wasn't sure how or where to. The stupid Lord Seeker did something to her.

When she got closer, she could see the flames were coming from people; they looked like the corpses from the ruins at the base of the Breach.

She wove her way through them, careful to avoid them. Though she wasn't sure if they were really there. There was no heat from the fire.

At the end of the pathway, Cullen and Josephine were standing there. They looked empty and unnaturally still.

Leliana appeared, stepping between the two.

"Is this shape useful? Will it let me know you?"

Probably not. Holli liked Leliana well enough, but they weren't close and really didn't know much about each other at all.

"Everything tells me about you," she said, moving to stand behind Cullen, drawing a blade, and bringing it to rest against his throat. "So will this: watch."

Holli wasn't sure what to do. She was pretty sure this wasn't real. Cullen and Leliana were back in Haven.

"What are you?" Holli asked.

The fake Leliana sliced her blade across his neck, black blood pouring out of him, and he dropped to the ground. Black blood, definitely not real then.

"'What are you?'" The fake Leliana imitated Holli's words and voice flawlessly before vanishing.

This wasn't going to go anywhere good.

There was a high-pitched laugh from the darkness, and Josephine came walking out of it, the same dagger the fake Leliana had had was in her hand.

"Being you will be so much more interesting than being the Lord Seeker," she said, toying with the dagger in her hands.

The Lord Seeker was possessed! That was why he had been making so many strange decisions. Was this demon the Elder One the Knight-Commander had been spouting off about?

When Holli turned to follow Josephine with her eyes, the woman was gone.

"Do you know what the Inquisition can become? You'll see."

Holli whirled around, but there was no one there.

"When I'm done, the Elder One will kill you and ascend. Then I will be you."

The voice sounded from all around her. So this demon wasn't the Elder One then.

"This Elder One thinks he can become a God? Not very original..."

That cackling laugh sounded again. "He knows. He was there."

Josephine appeared in front of her again.

"Glory is coming," she said. "And the Elder One wants you to serve him like everyone else: by dying in the right way." The woman backed away before stalking into the thick fog and out of sight.

"I am Envy, and I will know you!"

Holli turned to see Cullen standing there now.

"Tell me Herald, in your mind, what do you think? Tell me what you feel.

He stabbed a shade of herself, the thing dropping to the ground. Honestly, right now it was all just fear and confusion. She at least understood she was dealing with a demon—a demon of envy. It wasn't killing her, though. It had to learn how to be her first, maybe?

A red light grew from the fog up ahead, and Holli followed it, not sure what else to do. But standing there wasn't going to get her out of here. Beneath the red light, she could see the shade of herself again, of when she had woken in the dungeon of the Chantry, her hands in that stockade. Cassandra was pacing back and forth.

"Our one chance to make peace between the mages and templars, and now it's over!" She spat.

Holli watched a moment, but it was just a reenactment of what happened, although Cassandra was a lot more blamey than she had been.

The demon obviously wanted her to follow a specific path, showing her visions of what the Inquisition could become once the demon had possessed her. Would anyone realise it wasn't her? Surely Solas and Vivienne would notice, even if the demon perfected its act.

The further she progressed, the more twisted the place became, with tables and chairs sitting on walls, desks and shelves on the roof, and interior rooms with grass floors and gnarled trees in the walls...
As she was leaving one of these rooms, a new voice called out to her; it didn't sound like the demon; it wasn't taking the guise of anyone she knew.

"Wait."

She looked around but couldn't see anyone. She warily went back into the room, but there weren't even very many hiding places.

"Envy is hurting you," the voice said. "Mirrors on mirrors on memories. A face it can feel but not fake. I want to help. You, not Envy."

He sounded young.

"How do I know you're not Envy and this isn't a lie?"

"I'm not a lie. I'm Cole. We're inside you. Well, I am. You're always inside you."

She turned around for the source and found a boy standing upside down from the roof. He couldn't have been much older than her. Seventeen, eighteen maybe? He looked pale and maybe a bit malnourished, and his shaggy hair could have used some conditioner.

"It's easy to hear, harder to be a part of what you're hearing. But I'm here, hearing, helping. I hope."

She moved closer to him, but it was difficult to see his face beneath the wide-brimmed hat.

"Envy hurt you, is hurting you. I tried to help. Then I was here, in the hearing. It's—it's not usually like this."

"We're in my head? Not the Fade?"

"Yes, in your head."

"Am I possessed? Christ, if you're not Envy, how many other people are in here?"

There was a bone-chilling screech from outside the door, and she backed up, wanting more distance between her and it.

"I was watching. I watch. Every Templar knew when you arrived. They were impressed, but not like the Lord Seeker."

She looked behind her where the boy was sitting on the headboard of the bed.

"Because the Lord Seeker is Envy, and Envy wants to be me," she sighed.

"Yes. It twisted the commanders, forced their fury, their fight. They're red inside."

"We're all red inside," she told him.

"Wrong red," he shook his head. "Anyway, you're frozen; Envy is trying to take your face. I heard it and reached out, and then I was here."

She pursed her lips, thinking his words over.

"If it bothers you, I can make you forget. That helps."

Before she could say anything, he shook his head.

"No, you need all of you right now to fight. Maybe later."

"I'm not much of a fighter," she told him.

"It's your head."

"Yeah," she said, waving around at the decor. "Why is it like this in here?"

She'd have thought it would resemble more of her own world and what she was familiar with.

He stood up, walking across the bed towards her. "All of this is Envy: people, places, power. If you keep going, Envy stretches. It takes strength to make more. Being one person is hard. Being many, too many, more and more, and Envy breaks down, you break out."

"So we just have to keep moving, tire it out?"

"Maybe. I hope it helps. It's more than sitting here waiting to lose your face."

"I would rather keep my face," she agreed.

"It's a good face," he added, his head tilting to the side slightly as he looked at her.

She could feel her cheeks heat up at his words. "Ah, thank you. I- I like your hat."

She was shite at receiving compliments like that and shite-er at giving them. Maybe she should have said he had a nice face too. He was cute.

At her words, a smile lit up his face. He was even cuter when he smiled.

She shook the thought off. Now wasn't the time!

"All right, tire Envy out. I can do that. I'm exhausting to deal with."

She could put on a brave face, but the thought of dealing with a demon alone did scare her.

"This way," Cole said, leading her out of the room.

She breathed a silent sigh of relief he had decided to help her. If left to her, she would never have been able to ask. 

Chapter Text

She lost track of Cole fairly quickly into their foray through her mind. But she would hear his voice now and then, encouraging, guiding. Especially at times when she would start to forget it wasn't real. The things the demon showed her, of a world devastated at her word. It seemed to believe she could become some kind of leader to the Inquisition. Or perhaps it would try and make her one.

But whenever she got lost, or when she would get too absorbed in what she was seeing, overcome by all the death and destruction, Cole's voice would pull her from it, guide her past it.

Just keep going up.

As she climbed to the top of the stairs, eyeing the big, heavy wooden doors before her, she heard footsteps behind her. She turned around to come face to face with the shade of herself. It grabbed her by the throat and slammed her against the doors.

"Unfair, unfair!" It spat. "That thing kept you whole, kept you from giving me your shape!"

It lifted her off the ground, her feet unable to touch it. Her hands clawed at the shade's wrist as she struggled for breath.

"What could you gain from being me?" She gasped out.

She had no power in the Inquisition. She wasn't a leader; she wasn't one of the decision-makers. The only decision she'd made was to enlist the templar's help, and look where that had led them!

"We'll start again. More pain this time. The Elder One still comes."

It raised its other hand to her face, the greenish glow of some kind of magic circling around it.

"It's frightened of you," she heard Cole's voice again, and so did the demon.

It was enough to distract it as it turned to shout at the boy. She raised her hands, blasting it back with fire. It dropped her to the ground, and everything just... vanished. The next instant she was back outside of her head, Lord Seeker Lucius flying backwards, but shedding that skin as it hit the floor.

She gaped at the horrifying creature in front of them, its body twisting and contorting as it let loose with an ear-splitting shriek. It dissipated into smoke and lightning, shooting off through the door and vanishing. The hall had more Templars and people in it; Envy flew right over them, creating a massive magical barrier to keep them out.

"The Lord Seeker!" Barris cried out.

"No, a demon," she said, rubbing at her throat where the creature had grabbed it.

If it had all been in her mind, why did it hurt out here?

"Did anyone else see a boy beside me?" She asked the others, looking for any trace of Cole.

"What boy?" Barris asked.

"Pale, wide-brimmed hat, blonde hair."

"I saw no one. The Lord Seeker was alone when you revealed his true nature."

She looked to the others. Surely Solas would have seen something. But they all just shook their heads, some of them looking at her a little concerned, like maybe she was going mad.

"An Envy demon replaced Lord Seeker," she told them.

"Envy! Then the Lord Seeker..." Cassandra trailed off.

"Is caged or dead," Barris finished, his voice heavy. "And my Captain knew. It's the red lyrium, isn't it? I knew that wretched stuff was risky!"

"Red lyrium?" Varric asked. "You've been using red lyrium? That crap's more than just risky. It's evil."

"They often give us new kinds of lyrium. Our commanders... some used the red stuff first to prove it was harmless. The knights would have been next. That demon turned our leaders so we couldn't question when this started!"

"We need to stop it," Cassandra said.

Barris looked at one of the Templars nearby. "Templar! What is Envy!"

"A coward, brother."

"It studies, makes fewer mistakes. But most of all, it hides," another answered.

Sounded about right from her recent experience.

Barris looked back to them. "We need our veterans. Our commanders have turned, but the lieutenants may still be fighting. We'll hold the hall. You find the lieutenants and the uncorrupted lyrium stores. Bring them here, and I'll give you Envy."

"All right," Cassandra said. "For now, Holli, here is the safest place for you."

Holli looked dubiously at the magical barrier not ten metres away with a demon that had tried to steal her face not ten minutes ago.

Aside from that, she supposed it was the calmest place they'd seen, and there were plenty of well-armed Templars about. With the door to the hall shattered, the Templars were attempting to barricade it against the monsters the other Templars had been turned into. It was quiet right now, but it probably wouldn't stay that way.

"There are plenty of Templars here. Solas and Sera can stay with you. The rest of us will find the other Templars and the lyrium."

No one argued her orders, and the heavy hitters left with Cassandra. Solas gestured for the three of them to move to a quieter corner of the hall. There were a few crates piled up there, and she and Sera climbed onto them to sit down.

"Tell me what happened," Solas said, looking at her neck.

"Is it actually bruised?" She asked.

"It's starting to."

She explained what happened when Lord Seeker grabbed her, about being in her head, about having thought she was in the Fade at first, everything the demon had made her watch. And the boy who had helped her through it all.

"Who, or what, was the boy, do you think?" She asked him.

"Another demon probably," Sera said, picking dirt out of her nails with her little dagger.

She looked to Solas for his opinion. No offence to Sera, but this kind of thing seemed more like his wheelhouse.

"Without meeting him myself, I cannot say," he replied.

"He wouldn't still... be in here, would he?" She asked, tapping her head. Her eyes widened with a sudden fear. "I'm not, like, possessed, am I?"

He didn't outright dismiss the worry, which she was both grateful and unhappy about. He raised his hand, silently asking her permission before he touched her, used his magic on her, and she gave him a nod.

He placed his hand against the side of her head, just gently, and she could feel his magic shift around her, into her. After a few moments he pulled away.

"I sense no other presence in you," he told her.

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks."

She leaned back against the crate, looking up at the roof. Never in her wildest imaginings would she have thought anything like this would, or even could, happen. Despite accepting she was here, there were still moments, some days, where it just felt so unreal, so fucking absurd.

Back home, all she had to worry about was making sure her mum didn't kill herself, didn't get Holli killed, and her grades. Demon possession, death via sword or arrow, and figuring out a way to cross world barriers had been so far removed from her daily life it wasn't even a wandering thought that crossed her mind.

The barricade the Templars had set up suddenly blew inward, red Templars flooding the room. The non-mutated Templars were quick to act, clashing with their former brothers.

"Quick, up to the mezzanine," Solas told them, ushering the girls through the throng of Templars and away from the fighting.

From there, Solas and Sera used their range to fight. Though Holli had improved a lot with her magic, she wasn't sure how her aim was, and she didn't want to risk hitting an ally. Fire was what she practiced with most and what she found easiest to work with. Probably because it had been the first element she'd managed.

At the other end of the hall, red Templars were still entering through it, but there was enough distance between their Templars and the door she could attempt to block it off.

With her hands gripping the wooden railing of the mezzanine, she stared at the door, willing fire into existence. It shot up quickly, the flames taller than she had intended, but it did cut them off from the door.

"Well done, Holli," Solas said, the praise causing a gushing warmth in her chest. "Be careful not to let it get away from you."

She nodded, completely focused on it. She could see red templars on the other side of it, and she wondered if they would abandon sense and try to run through it.

Cutting off the reinforcements gave the Templars room to breathe at least, but there were a fair few of them lying on the ground. Injured or dead, she couldn't tell from here.

One of the other doors to the hall slammed open, and more mutated Templars came streaming in. It was difficult to split her focus, but she conjured another wall of searing flame, managing to catch a couple of them on fire.

A third door burst open, and she was ready to cut them off too, stopping herself at the last second when she saw it was Cassandra and the others. Thank fuck for that. The group immediately set to helping the Templars take down the mutants.

When they were finished with the ones inside, Holli dropped the fire to let them take out the ones still outside. When the battle had ended and the hall had fallen silent, the three of them rejoined the others.

The reprieve was temporary; there were more red templars out there making their way towards the Great Hall. Barris and his Templars would bring down the barrier while the Inquisition members defended them.

"Should I block off the hall again?" Holli asked.

Better to just keep them out than risk more death and injury.

"Nah, we can handle this," Bull told her.

"Just keep back," Cassandra told her. "While you may be getting better with your magic, you're hardly battle trained."

Holli huffed but did as she was told. Keeping a distance from where they would make their front line and where the other Templars were trying to bring down the barrier. Sera came to stand beside her, her bow in her hands.

"I'll be your last line of defence," she said, poking fun at Holli's uselessness.

"Lucky me."

Holli kept one eye on the fight and one eye on the barrier. She could feel the magic from it being this close to it. It wasn't like Solas's or Vivienne's. It was... it gave her the ick.

When the Templars brought it down, that felt strange too, the way it just... blinked out of existence. Cullen had told her Templars 'denied' magic. This sort of felt like they had just slapped it out of existence.

With the barrier down, the Templars joined the rest of the Inquisition in finishing off the other Templars. Envy never made itself known; was it even still outside, or had it fled?

Once the fight was over, Cassandra had Sera stay with Holli and the Templars while they left to take down Envy.

While she didn't want to fight, she hated this feeling of uselessness.

"And they keep us little girls out of the fight," Sera huffed.

"I think I'm the little girl, and you're my babysitter," Holli corrected.

"Well, you have the magical hand; can't let anything happen to that."

Holli grunted her less-than-enthusiastic agreement.

When the others returned, it wasn't without injury. Though whether that had been from Envy or the battle with the Templars, she didn't know, but Bull had a big gash down his back. While Cassandra went to speak with the remaining Templars, Solas called Holli over.

"Do you still want to learn to heal?" He asked her.

Her mood lightened considerably. "I do!" She said, skipping over to them for the lesson.

"Wait, I'm going to be your first time healing?" Bull asked, hesitance in his tone.

"It's for a good cause," Holli told him. "Let's do this."

Bull took a seat, and Holli stood behind him with Solas. Even sitting down, Bull was taller than her.

"Now," Solas began. "As I've told you before, healing magic is about encouraging the body to do what it already knows to do, just at a faster pace."

Holli nodded.

"You merely need to funnel your magic into that process."

"So, doing it this way skips certain healing stages? Or the body just goes through them quicker?"

"Explain how a wound heals to me," he told her.

"Blood vessels constrict, and platelets gather to form the clot. It'll start to scab over to help protect the tissue underneath from germs. The blood vessels will open a bit to allow more blood flow. Fresh blood brings more oxygen and nutrients. White blood cells—macrophages—will help clean it and fight infection."

"What is she talking about?" Bull asked. "She's making up words."

"I am not," she argued.

"Ignore him," Solas told her. "Continue."

"Blood cells arrive to help build new tissue, and they'll create collagen, which acts as kind of a scaffold that other cells can be built on. It'll start to look like a fresh scar, but it'll slowly fade over time."

Almost word for word from her books. She looked to Solas. They had spoken a lot about the medical field in her world as he read through the Atlas of Human Anatomy. He was smart and had probably retained most of what he'd read. But they'd gone into the different kinds of cells and their functions, and she'd told him about the different kinds of germs and how to protect yourself from them.

"Now use your magic to make all that happen."

He was curious to see if her more in-depth knowledge of the body's healing processes would make a difference in how she used her magic to heal it. If she managed it at all.

She placed her hands tentatively on Bull's back, over the wound. He felt her magic begin to stir. It happened in a matter of seconds and had Iron Bull leaping out of his seat and yelping in pain. But the wound was gone. Barely even a scar. He'd never seen it done that quickly or so thoroughly. Even magical healing left far more prominent scars.

"Ha! I did it!" She bounced up and down in her excitement at the accomplishment.

"You did?" Bull asked, shifting so he could try and feel where the gash used to be. "Why did it hurt?"

"Is that not normal?" Holli asked, her exuberance brought down by the fact.

"Nor does it usually heal so quickly," Vivienne noted, taking a look at the site herself.

"Shoot, did I fuck up? Is the wound still underneath the skin or something?"

"Let me see," Solas told Iron Bull.

The giant turned his back to Solas so he could examine him. When Solas used his own magic to assess the site, he found no trace of the wound, internally or externally aside from the faint scar.

"No, it is completely healed."

"So I just need to figure out how to do it without hurting and work on the scarring."

Solas nodded. The fact she had done it so quickly was interesting, and she looked no worse for wear. Healing magic was by far a more draining application on a mage, no matter how skilled and experienced.

Curious. 

Chapter Text

On the one hand, Holli did like to be included in these meetings in the war room now, she liked to know what was going on even if she didn't really get much say. On the other hand, they were kind of boring and at times served to remind her how little she knew and how useless she was.

"How many Templars are expected?" Josephine asked.

They needed to secure lyrium—normal lyrium—for the templars.

"A few dozen veterans are coming ahead of the rest to help seal the Breach," Leliana told her.

That made Holli's stomach flip. Once they arrived, they would seal the Breach. If it worked, what little use she had would be gone. And she and Solas were no closer to figuring out how to get her home.

"How soon until these veterans arrive?" Cullen asked.

There was a flash of light and smoke from the war table where a boy was crouched upon it, examining something in his hand. The others in the room shifted back, the sound of swords being quickly drawn hurting her ears.

"They're almost here. Templars don't like to be late."

Holli recognised him, the wide-brimmed hat, shaggy blonde hair. Cullen and Cassandra had their swords out, ready to attack him, but Holli shifted close, holding her hands out in a halting gesture.

"Wait!" She cried out.

Cullen and Cassandra still shifted until they were either side of her, blades ready to defend her.

Cole looked at her. "I came with you to help. I would have told you before, but you were busy."

She had been busy, she supposed; she'd spent much of the trip—while not walking or studying—healing. Even the tiniest wounds of her companions. She wanted the practice.

"All good, Cole, all good. You just gave everyone a fright, appearing out of thin air," a nervous laugh escaped her.

"I wasn't air; I was here. You didn't see me. Most people don't until I let them," he said, sliding around until he was sitting on the edge of the table.

"Call the guards!" Cassandra barked. "This creature is not what you—"

"A moment please, Cassandra. I would like to hear why he came," Leliana said.

"You help people," Cole said, looking at Holli. "I want to do that. I can help."

"You helped me a lot against Envy," she said, still grateful for it.

He nodded. "I want to help. I can be hard to see. I can kill things that would hurt people, that would hurt you. I won't get in the way."

"Cole saved my life in Therinfal," she told the others. "I might not be me now if it hadn't been for him."

"You're not honestly suggesting we give him run of the camp?" Cullen asked.

"Not freely perhaps, but it seems a waste to—hold on!" Leliana's eyes darted about the room, her form tense.

And just like that he was gone again.

"Where did he go? Cassandra asked, taking a step back, expecting an attack.

Holli grinned at the empty spot. Was he a mage? Because she would love to learn that trick.

"He does that," Holli told them.

"It's a neat trick," Leliana said; her tone didn't exactly sound impressed. "I'll have people watch the boy, but let's not be distracted from the Breach.

Cullen sheathed his sword, then looked to Holli. "We'll need you when the Templar veterans arrive. Take time to prepare while you can."

She nodded, leaving them to whatever else they wanted to discuss. The Chantry wasn't her favourite place, so she left it quickly, getting outside into the bright sun. Pausing a moment, she looked up at the Breach. How was she supposed to prepare for that? Last time they'd just marched her up the mountain and flung her at it. Well, she supposed warmer clothes and more comfortable boots would be one way.

With all the walking they'd been doing since she got here, she believed she'd have an easier time getting up there than last time. All the exercise had definitely been working to make her fitter. She wouldn't be running any marathons any time soon, but maybe she wouldn't feel like death a quarter of the way up.

Holli looked around; there were a few people nearby, none of them paying attention to her. There was a relief to her novelty having worn off by now.

"Cole?" She whispered. "Are you here?"

She felt his presence beside her before she turned to look at him. He was standing there, looking at her expectantly.

"Hi," she greeted.

"Hello," he replied, seeming a little unsure of himself.

She started walking, having to stop when he didn't walk beside her. Giving him a look, she gestured for him to come with her, and he hesitantly fell into step beside her.

"I didn't get to thank you for your help with Envy," she said. "So, thanks."

He nodded, his attention drawn to everything around them. He almost looked dazed.

"How were you able to be in my head as well, Cole?"

"I don't know. I was watching, and you pulled," he said.

"I pulled you in?"

"Not on purpose, you reached, and you pulled. You were lost. More lost than you have been."

"I'm still lost," she muttered, kicking at a stone on their path.

She tried to take each day as it came, one foot in front of the other, hope that shit would work itself out. But always at the edges she could feel her anxiety at what would come next just gnawing at her.

Up ahead she saw Solas, brightening slightly and increasing her pace. "Come meet Solas, Cole."

Cole obediently followed.

"Solas!"

The elf turned to look at them, his eyes immediately fixing on Cole, his brow furrowing slightly.

"This is Cole, the boy from inside my head at Therinfal," she said. "Cole, this is Solas."

Honestly, part of her was relieved he was real and she hadn't gone a little bit mad. Part of her was mortified someone else had been in her head. At least she didn't think he'd seen much given they'd spent most of their time in the parts that Envy had been screwing with.

"Cole said I pulled him into my head that day," she told him. "Do you know how? If I was going to pull anyone, I would think it would be one of you guys."

"I suspect it's because Cole isn't human," he replied, studying Cole.

Holli turned to look at him. He looked human enough. Sure, he could disappear, but people in this world had all sorts of strange powers.

"What is he then?"

"That is a complicated question to answer."

Before more could be said, they could hear a commotion at the gates.

"The veteran Templars must be here," she muttered. "I should go. I'll catch up with yous later."

She hurried off, heading back to her cabin. If it went anything like the last time, she could end up unconscious for days again. How to prepare for that? Scarf down some food? Skull back some water?
Would they want to go up there right away or wait for tomorrow?

There was a knock on the door, and she answered it, finding Cassandra there. That was quick.

"Are you ready to close the Breach?" She asked.

"We're going now?"

Cassandra nodded.

"Right, ok... I guess."

Time to make that trek again. At least this time she would be warmer. And if it got too cold, she could use the warming spell Solas had taught her.

It was possible closing the Breach would fix the mark on her hand, possibly even send her home. If her purpose here was to close the Breach, maybe whatever force brought her here would send her back.

Holli followed Cassandra outside and down to the gates. It looked like a lot of people would be making the march up there. Not just Templars, but Inquisition soldiers, and Varric, Solas, and the others. It wasn't the entire force, but it was a small army.

Cassandra ordered them all to move, and they started trouping towards the mountain. Holli fell into step beside Varric, who was talking to Cole. After Therinfal, they already knew about the boy who'd helped her in her head. Not all of them had believed it, so his appearance here was quite validating for her.

"You ready for this, little bird?" Varric asked.

"Not sure it matters," she shrugged.

Part of her was afraid of getting shunted back to her world. Mostly the fear that she would end up back in that bathroom, bleeding out on the floor next to Katie's dead body.

"Who's Katie?" Cole asked.

Holli's wide eyes shot to his. "Are you... are you still in my head?"

"Not in in, like before. But I can hear. Why would you wake up bleeding out on the floor?"

Varric looked up at Holli then, his concern evident.

"Uh, the- the moments before I ended up in this world were... pretty shitty. If I get sent home, I'm just afraid I'll... still be in those moments."

"But you're here. Time still moves there."

"Do you know something about it?" She asked, a sense of urgency in her tone. "My home? Where it is? How to get back there?"

He shook his head. "But time is time. It stops for no one."

"It stopped when we were in my head."

When they'd come out of it, not even a second had passed.

"It didn't stop. Your mind just moved quicker."

It probably wasn't meant as a compliment, but the words still pleased her.

It was a little easier climbing their way to the Breach this time around, maybe because they were a bit slower with such a large number. And she was dressed better, in her warm pink coat, snow boots, scarf, and hat.

When they got up there, Bull helped Holli climb into the pit, effortlessly lifting her down. Holli stood in the middle, staring up at the sky. Her hand was sparking, but it was more a discomfort than the excruciating pain it had been last time she was here.

She caught Solas watching her, and she offered a tremulous smile.

"If this sends me home, it was nice knowing you," she said.

He smiled back and inclined his head. She didn't think he believed in the possibility but was too kind to dash her hopes. He followed Cassandra towards the Templars.

"Templars!" Cassandra called their attention.

"Focus past the Herald! Let her will draw from you!" Solas ordered them.

Holli held her hand to the rift, her mark connecting with it. She could feel something else, the Templars, she assumed. Solas had explained how it might feel and what she would have to do. The Breach wasn't fighting exactly; more like it was just being immovable and stubborn. She pushed harder, feeling it begin to give, likely because of the Templars. It hadn't felt like this last time. It was starting to hurt though, like she was being squeezed. She cried out with the exertion of trying to push it back, or pull it closed; it felt like both at the same time. And then it shattered.

There was a blast of blinding light and the sudden lifting of pressure before she was thrown back, hitting the ground hard. When her vision cleared, she looked up at the sky, nothing but clouds...

She let out a laugh, relief mostly; she hadn't died. Or fallen unconscious.

Still lying on the ground, she could see she wasn't the only one to have been thrown. No one was standing. She could hear their weapons and armour clattering as they picked themselves up.

She would have done the same, but her body felt like jelly, weak and unstable. She was able to lift her hand and get a look at it. The light wasn't as bright, but the mark was still there. Damn.

Solas appeared over her. "Are you all right?"

"Just savouring the moment."

She heard the stones beside her shift and looked over to find Cole had lain down beside her.

"The stones aren't very comfortable," he noted.

"Then why did you lie down on them?" She asked, lightly whacking him on the shoulder with the back of her hand. She felt a little giddy, like a gigantic weight had been lifted.

"So you weren't the only one left."

Tilting her head around, everyone was up on their feet.

"Just give me a minute," she said.

"Because your bones are jelly?"

"Because my bones are jelly," she agreed. 

Chapter Text

Holli sat beside the bonfire, basking in its warmth. With her whole body weak and shaky, Bull had carried her on his back down the mountain. She hated feeling so weak and for it to be on display like that, but she'd really been incapable of taking more than a few steps at a time without a rest.

She was feeling a bit better now, but still tired and drained. Vivienne had been kind enough to bring her something to eat and drink. And all evening people had been patting her on the back, thanking her, blessing her. It felt a little undeserved. She wouldn't have been able to do it without the Templars. And she'd had little hand in getting this far in the first place. Cassandra had led them, with valuable input from Cullen, Josephine, and Leliana.

The air about the village was jubilant. There was music, and dancing, and booze being freely poured. Since landing in this world, it was the happiest she had seen anyone. Even at Vivienne's little party or whatever it had been when they'd met her. There it had seemed like people were just putting on an act.

Holli looked beside her to see Cassandra taking a seat. She offered Holli a small smile.

"Solas confirms the heavens are scarred but calm. The Breach is sealed. We've reports of lingering rifts, and many questions remain, but this was a victory." She gave Holli a meaningful look. "Word of your heroism has spread."

Holli scoffed. "I hardly did anything. And if it hadn't been me, it probably would have just been someone else. Maybe you would have lucked out and gotten someone useful."

"It wasn't someone else. It was you. It was you people rallied around."

"It was the Herald of Andraste people rallied around. Again, could have been anyone."

"We needed you, and you came through. We have yet to discover how the Breach came to be, and though we do not think you responsible, someone brought you into this somehow and for some reason. We feel it best to keep you close—safe—until we have answers."

Holli nodded, a little relieved they weren't just going to turf her out now that she'd closed the sky. But there were still rifts, apparently; they'd need her to close them.

"Strange days," Cassandra mused. "And more to come."

She had barely finished the sentence before the sound of a bell rang out across the village. They both stood up, looking to see what was going on. Soldiers were running, likely having been trained on what to do if that alarm sounded.

"Forces approaching! To arms!" They heard Cullen's voice above the din.

People started scattering in a panic.

"Stay close to me," Cassandra said, drawing her sword. "We must get to the gates."

Holli followed Cassandra through the crowd of fleeing people, running into Cole and Solas along the way, who joined them.

"They're afraid. Something's coming," Cole said, no real urgency to his tone.

"This bodes poorly," Solas added.

When they got to the gates, Cullen was there with Leliana, Josephine, and some of the others, as well as a portion of Inquisition soldiers and Templars.

"Cullen?" Cassandra asked.

"One watchguard reporting. It's a massive force, the bulk over the mountain," he replied.

"Under what banner?" Josephine questioned.

"None."

"None?"

The gates suddenly arched inward, firelight shining through the cracks.

"If someone could open this, I'd appreciate it!" A voice sounded from the other side, urgent, a little worried.

They opened the gates to find a man there, going by his staff—a mage. Around him were charred bodies. That must have been the source of the firelight. The man was crouched on the ground, breathing heavily from the exertion. Holli followed behind Cassandra and Cullen as they went out to meet him.

"Ah. I'm here to warn you. Fashionably late, I'm afraid," he said.

He tried to stand up, stumbling a little; Cullen had to help steady him.

"Mite exhausted," he explained. "Don't mind me. I came to tell you what happened to the mages at Redcliffe. You're not going to like it. They are under the command of the Venatori, in service to something called the 'Elder One.'"

"This guy again?" Holli groaned.

"You're familiar? Good. They were already marching on Haven. I risked my life to get here first."

"Awesome, now you'll get to die with us. Welcome aboard!" Holli greeted with false cheer.

"Oh, you're a delight," the man grinned.

"Haven is no fortress," Cullen said. "If we are to withstand this, we must control the battle."

"Holli, get up to the Chantry; stay safe," Cassandra commanded.

Holli reluctantly nodded. She wanted to help; she just didn't know how. She started running back inside the village walls, hearing Cullen bark out orders and cringing when he added a 'for the Herald!' in his little pep talk. She ran to her cabin, grabbing her backpack from inside and shoving a few valuables inside that she really didn't want destroyed—her books, what was left of her lollies, and some clothes. Then she started for the Chantry. There were other people grabbing what they could, searching for friends or loved ones; it was a bit of a stampede. Holli tried to help where she could.

Outside the walls, she heard the sound of an explosion and whirled around to take a look.

"Holy fuck, is that a dragon!?" She breathed out.

"Herald!"

Holli looked to the sound of the voice where Adan was waving her over. She wove her way through the fleeing people to meet him.

"I need help moving some of the wounded," he told her.

Holli nodded, following him back to the healer's hut. Having only recently learnt to heal, she'd yet to come here and try to patch everyone up. There were a half dozen people in various states of incapacity.

Holli came to the nearest, nearly slipping into him in her panic. "Where's your hurt?" She all but shouted the demand, inwardly cringing at her words. She was no good in a fucking crisis; she couldn't even get her words right.

He was too stunned to answer right away, having the Herald yelling in his face.

"His leg," Adan said, helping one of the others to stand. "There are crutches in the corner."

Holli threw off his blanket; it was all bandaged up. Grabbing a pair of scissors from nearby, she cut it off.

"What are you doing?" Adan yelled. "You're meant to be helping."

"I am!" She yelled back, holding shaking hands over the wound.

Just like with Bull, she practically zapped the wound better, the man crying out in pain. But it quickly died as the hurt settled and he saw his completely healed leg.

"Maker's Breath," he breathed out.

"No time," Holli told him. "Help or get to the Chantry."

Holli moved on to the next person; both his legs were gone. Shit, that might be a bit more difficult.

"Fuck, okay, let's take a crack at that," she muttered more to herself.

She had no idea if she could manage this, but she wouldn't know until she tried. She rested her hands on his legs and started healing. He started screaming and thrashing.

"Hold him down!" She ordered.

"Lass, magic can't restore—"

He cut himself off when he saw the legs were starting to grow. "Sweet Maker."

He gestured for one of the others to help hold him in place and gave the man something to bite down on. Holli continued to heal him, new bone and flesh growing from the stumps. He was howling the entire time; the process was obviously a painful one. But it looked like he was trying to keep still as he watched his limbs regrow. The others wore equally shocked looks on their faces despite doing what needed to be done.

"There, get to the Chantry," she told him when he had his legs back.

They were staring at her, disbelief and awe. What? They knew mages could heal people.

She clapped her hands loudly, snapping them from their daze. "Move!"

She moved along, healing those still there as quickly as she could. The healing process obviously caused them a lot of pain, but once that died down, they were all better and ready to go, if a little exhausted—either help or get to the Chantry. Thank fuck they all chose to help.

"I didn't know you could heal," Adan said.

"I just learnt the other day. I don't know how to do it without hurting them."

"I think that's the least of their worries, lass. Help me with these; no doubt we'll have more wounded, and you're going to run out of steam soon."

Weirdly enough, the healing didn't seem to have drained her all that much. Nowhere near as bad as closing the Breach. That had taken it out of her. Maybe it was the adrenaline. Outside the healer's hut, they could hear fighting, shouting... dying screams. She helped Adan store what healing poultices and supplies they could, then carried them up to the Chantry. Enemy forces had breached the walls; it wasn't safe. And she was weighed down with her backpack and the crate of healing supplies she was carrying.

She ran with Adan, trying to keep away from the fighting. When one of the Venatori saw them, no enemy of his own to face, he charged at them. In her panic, she felt her magic surge, and he just... exploded. Bits of him splattered across her and Adan. She looked with wide eyes to the man, trying to stutter out an apology, or an explanation, or something. She didn't know what.

"It was us or him. Keep moving," Adan told her.

They kept running, Inquisition soldiers doing what they could to defend them as they passed. At one point, she was almost struck by an arrow—would have been had Cassandra not been there, catching it on her shield. Holli shot her a grateful look and kept running.

They made it to the Chantry, Holli trying to suppress the horror of actually killing someone. It was self-defence... She had to protect her and Adan so they could help the people in the Chantry. Which was full of people, non-combatants. There were plenty of injured from what she could see, plenty of fear and panic. Holli followed Adan towards the back, where he was talking about setting up a triage station. They set down the crates they carried to get started.

A commotion at the front drew her attention, where she saw more soldiers running, Cullen shutting the doors behind them.

"I'll be back in a minute, Adan," she told him, heading up to the others to find out what was going on.

She recognised their newcomer helping a very injured Roderick to a seat.

"A brave man," he told her. "He stood against a Venatori."

"Stopped clocks," she muttered.

The Chancellor had never grown on her.

"Our position is not good," Holli heard Cullen telling the others. "There has been no communication, no demands. Only advance after advance."

"There was no bargaining with the mages, either. The Elder One takes what he wants."

"Who are you? Who is the Elder One exactly?" Holli asked.

"Dorian Pavus," he greeted, examining Roderick's wound. "The Elder One is more of a what than a who. And from what I gathered in Redcliffe, it marched all of this way to take your Herald."

They all looked at her; she felt her stomach sink. She shrugged off her backpack and handed it to Varric.

"Fuck me..." she sighed out, turning towards the door.

"What are you doing?" Solas asked.

"I'd rather walk out under my own steam than be tossed out by a panicked mob," she told them, her eyes looking across at the people gathered, some of them clearly listening.

"Hold on, you'll do no such thing, and no one is tossing you out there," Cullen told her.

"Look, whatever he wants must have something to do with the mark on my hand. Maybe he knows how to remove it. Maybe once he has me, he'll leave Haven alone. Once everyone here is safe, mount a rescue mission or something."

"Those are some heavy maybes," Dorian pointed out. "He also might just want to kill you."

"That's also just a maybe," she jumped on that quickly, looking to the others. "He doesn't know."

"Look, we don't hand over little girls to evil entities," Blackwall said.

"I'm fifteen," she snapped. "Hardly a little girl."

"Enough!" There was a fair amount of exasperation in Cullen's tone. "This is not survivable now. The only choice left is how spitefully we end this. We can turn the last of the trebuchets to the mountains above us."

"We'd bury Haven," Cassandra said.

"Well, that's not acceptable. I didn't race here only to have you drop rocks on my head," Dorian said, stalking towards Cullen.

"Should we submit? Let him kill us? Or hope he'll spare us if we serve Holli up on a platter?"

"Dying is typically a last resort, not first! For a templar, you think like a blood mage."

"There is a path," Roderick interrupted, his voice raspy. "You wouldn't know it was there unless you'd made the summer pilgrimage. As I have. The people can escape. She must have shown me. Andraste must have shown me so I could... tell you."

"Would it work?" Cassandra asked Cullen.

"Possibly. If he shows us the path."

Holli sighed and reached out to Roderick, her hand on his bloodstained clothes. He cried out in pain, doubling over in his seat.

"What did you do?" Cassandra gasped.

"I fixed him. He's not gonna be much use dead," Holli replied.

Roderick sat back up, looking at his injury through the tear in his robes. He wiped the blood away, looking wide-eyed at the vanished wound. Healing him was the one time she didn't feel bad about the pain that came along with it.

"You healed him? Just like that?" Dorian asked, leaning down to examine the spot Roderick's wound had been.

"Why does everyone say it like that? I'm a quick learner."

"Mm, I think you're missing the point."

Roderick was just staring at her, making her uncomfortable. "What?"

"Thank you. You—you saved my life."

"Don't read too much into it," she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest.

The man had wanted her dead and had called her a murderer. The only reason she had healed him was because what kind of doctor would she be if she denied someone care for being an arse?

Now, she needed to focus on what to do next. Because there was no way she was letting people die for her. She couldn't live with that on her conscience. Every day her worry for these people grew as they walked into danger to protect her, all because of her hand. She had sealed the Breach now; the rest of the rifts could possibly close on their own, heal like Solas said the heavens would. She'd pretty much served her purpose here. The Elder One was here for her anyway. Besides, if she died, maybe she'd go home. Maybe he had brought her here and could send her back.

But they would never let her go. She was going to maybe do something a little on the stupid side.

Chapter Text

Holli curled up, a sob escaping her as the pain hit all at once upon waking. She needed to move, but her body would hardly cooperate. She opened her eyes, nothing but stone and ice from what she could see through her blurred vision. No matter how she blinked, it wouldn't clear.

Had she died? Was this hell? It sure as shit wasn't home.

She forced herself to sit up, crying out at the pain in her arm as it gave out under her. She hit the freezing stone with a pathetic thud. Was the room spinning? Rolling onto her back, she stared up at... the roof? Icicles. Maybe she'd get lucky and one would fall down and kill her. She cradled her arm and started crying—chest heaving, body-shaking sobs.

She just wanted to go home.

There wasn't enough energy left in her to cry for long, and when it died down, taking what little energy she had left, she just lay there, body tense and shivering. She couldn't even work up the focus or energy for the warming spell. Healing whatever was wrong with her arm was out of the question.

It took every ounce of her will to peel herself off the ground. Her vision was still blurry and tinged red. When she rubbed her eye, some of that red came away. Blood. A head wound? Like a moron, she felt around with her fingers, wincing at the pain when she found it.

Just walk.

She didn't know where she was going or if it was the right way. And she was so cold. When she stepped out of the cave and into knee-deep snow, she nearly spiralled into a panic. The snow, the streetlights, sitting and waiting for someone to come and get her.

"Mum?" It came out a croak.

No, no her mum didn't come that night, and she wasn't here now. She wasn't in London. She was in Ferelden. Or hell.

Fuck, if she wasn't dead and the others found her... They were going to be so pissed. She could vaguely recall the shock, their shouts as she sealed them in the Chantry, cutting the whole area off with a wall of fire so thick and massive even the dragon would think twice.

If she didn't feel so miserable, she would be patting herself on the back at how impressive that wall of flame was. Even better and bigger than what she had conjured at Therinfal. Way better. Way bigger. She was sure she had seen Dorian and Solas try to bring it down. They must have failed; no one came after her.

Ok, maybe she wasn't so sore and miserable she couldn't be impressed with herself.

It died quickly as she remembered how pissed the others would be. But she had done it—spoken to the Elder One, buried Haven, maybe died?

Holli looked back at the cave, wondering if maybe going back inside was the better idea, out of the blistering wind. Maybe it was the possible concussion, or the possibility she might be dead and probably couldn't die again, but she started walking away from the cave.

One foot in front of the other.

-

Solas was seething, and from the air saturating the troupe as they marched, he was not alone in his ire. Despite his and Dorian's best efforts to dissipate her flame, they had not been successful quick enough. He knew her magic was strong; he'd not realised it surpassed his own in his current state.

Dorian was obviously miffed about it as well.

Her wall of fire had not only stopped them from helping her but had also stopped enemy forces from being able to follow. Many were grateful for that. They considered her a divine figure, the Herald of Andraste. Of course she would die for them; it was expected. On many of those who hadn't known her personally, he could see relief.

Solas just could not fathom why she would run off like that to face down Corypheus when she was hardly close to his match. The man commanded a dragon!

Not much had been said since she'd left, but they'd seen the avalanche. She had at least been successful in that. And likely in killing herself.

Did she make it home? Unlikely. But he hoped for her sake she had.

He'd not realised how fond of her he'd grown until now. Likely a realisation being struck by a fair few of them.

Even Sera was blissfully silent, lost in the mire of her sadness and anger. The two girls had been forming a friendship before this, often walking at the back of the group, their giggles reaching the rest of them.

"Do you think she survived?" Iron Bull asked softly. "It's possible, right? Her magic is strong."

He drew a few looks, but no one had an answer.

Solas was tempted to go back and pick over the area, attempt to find her. If she were buried, he wasn't sure how successful he would be. But there was a restless energy in him, the desperate need to do something. Walking away as they were felt... wrong.

"She wanted to die, right?" Sera asked. "That's why she did it? She thought dying would take her home. Like dying brought her here."

"She never died to come here," Solas corrected. "She came close, but she never died."

He'd made sure of it.

"What are you talking about?" Dorian asked.

"Holli isn't from this world," Varric said. "She came from a city called London. In a country called England. Where magic and elves don't exist, and dwarfism is considered a birth defect."

Dorian was eyeing them sceptically, looking for the joke, for the lie. Varric's tone had been flippant, a little acidic, but hardly joking. None of them were in a particularly jesting mood, and aside from Sera, none were prone to pranks.

"She thought if she died here, she might wake up back home," Sera told him. "But she was too scared to test it herself. So instead she picks probably the worst guy to do it for her."

"Is there a preferred candidate to murder her?" Dorian asked.

The little elf looked like she'd sucked on a lemon at that.

"The fire she conjured," Dorian looked at Solas. "That was rather powerful for someone who came from a magicless world."

"Yes, it was," Solas agreed. He still wasn't happy about what she'd done.

"It's a great loss," Adan said, a couple of meters ahead of them, carrying what healing supplies he had. A few others were helping with the other crates and sacks.

"Wait a moment," Cullen muttered. "Bernhard?"

The man walking beside Adan offered an exhausted salute. "Commander."

"I thought—How are you-?"

"Walking?" He asked, and Cullen nodded. "The Herald. She regrew my legs."

"Impossible," Vivienne scoffed.

"Saw it with my own eyes," Adan said. "I asked the lass to help me move those who couldn't get there alone. To speed things up, she just started healing everyone. Six in all. Including two legs and a hand."

Solas knew it wasn't impossible. But he'd never seen it on such a scale. A finger. He'd once seen a colleague regrow another's finger. And it had taken it out of him to the point he had been debilitated for a day or two afterwards. This was also thousands of years ago, before the Veil weakened magic.

"Sweet Maker," Leliana breathed out.

"What kind of mage is this girl?" Dorian asked.

"I'd like to examine your legs when we have a moment," Solas told the man. "If that is all right."

Bernhard nodded, reluctantly. Perhaps he was afraid Solas would undo the good Holli had created. Or it was more likely he didn't want to be poked and prodded by an elven mage.

"We should make camp," Cullen said. "Get tents and fires set up, then a small group can head back to Haven and... look for survivors."

He received no argument. Camp was made eagerly, in the shelter of the mountain protecting them from the worst of the wind. Solas and Cole were among the first ready to trek back the way they had come and search for her. It would be dangerous given the recent avalanche; they would need to do it carefully.

As they assembled to head back down, Inquisition soldiers joined them, and some of the villagers, and even a few templars. Solas had not been expecting such a large group. When they were prepared, they started back down the mountain. The wind was picking up, and Solas feared a blizzard could be headed their way.

Hours had passed before Cole's voice rang out over the wind.

"Wait, I hear her," he said, his eyes darting around for the source.

"I hear nothing but this damnable wind," Dorian said.

"Cole can hear minds," Solas explained.

Dorian let out a bit of a titter as he looked at the boy. "You've certainly amassed quite the group."

"She's hurt. And lost," Cole said, taking cautious steps forward. "She thinks she's home, but her mother has forgotten her, left her in the cold again."

That didn't sound good. Hallucinating? Delusional? Their eyes scanned the snow, but night had settled around them hours ago; their torchlight only reached so far, and she had been wearing that light pink coat she favoured. It certainly wasn't going to be standing out amidst the snow.

Dorian summoned magelight, sending it swooping out across the snow.

"There!" Cassandra shouted.

They all ran towards the dark mass, realising it was her long black hair. She was lying down in the snow, her body racked with tremors, curled into a tiny ball.

Iron Bull lifted her out of the snow, holding her tiny form close to his chest. Solas cast his warming spell upon her, but with how soaked her clothes were, he doubted it would do much.

"Coryph- Coryph-ph-pheus," she stuttered out.

"Oh shit, is she trying to say Corypheus?" Varric asked.

"You're familiar with the name?" Cassandra asked.

"Maybe. Let me get back to you."

They carried her back to the camp as quickly as they could, Adan and Mother Giselle rushing to help when they saw them. They put her on one of the few cots they had, doing what they could to seal the tent against the cold. After setting her down, Iron Bull left them to it. The first thing they did was strip her of her wet clothing.

She would likely be appalled by that—they let Mother Giselle take care of her small clothes and her redressing—but if she didn't want this to happen, she shouldn't have run off.

The first thing they needed to do was warm her slowly; they were sure she was hypothermic. She was shivering, her breathing was much too slow, her skin tinged blue. At some point on the trek back, she had passed out; he wished she hadn't. He would have liked her to drink down some warm tea or broth.

The three of them worked on assessing her other injuries—a nasty head wound, broken wrist, and various cuts and bruises littered her form.

As they worked on her, her big blue eyes slid open at one point, gaze disoriented and pupils dilated. But they fixed on him a moment, and a slight smile flickered across her lips.

What was she smiling about? He was so angry with her.

Once they had done all they could, they agreed to keep an eye on her in rotation, never leaving her alone. Adan offered to take first watch.

Solas and Mother Giselle exited the tent, finding much of the camp standing outside waiting for news.

"We have done what we can," Mother Giselle addressed them all. "She is alive. Now, we can only wait and pray."

Solas stalked away from the tent, wanting some space, a few moments alone. His chest was heaving; his hand gripped his staff tightly. He tried to calm his temper. But her recklessness, that sting of betrayal, that surge of fear as he could do naught but watch her run off to what was likely her death.

Although she was safe and sound in the tent nearby, that panic and anger still burned in him. He'd not felt anger quite like this in a very long time.

He heard footsteps beside him; he could already sense it was Cole.

"Tell me, Cole, what is running through her mind now?" He asked acerbically.

"She is still lost, in the dream of a memory. Her mother, and cold."

Solas would never admit it out loud, but he had been hoping for some sense of remorse or regret. It was petty and beneath him. But the girl had grown on him, and the thought of her loss hurt more than he'd have thought it would.

Behind them, from the camp, he could hear singing, a Chantry hymn. They both turned back to look, Cole's eyes softening at something Solas couldn't see.

"It's beautiful when they're like this," Cole whispered.

Chapter Text

Holli stared up at the roof above her; it was lower than she'd become accustomed to and made of fabric... She quickly realised she was in a tent. There was still a chill in her bones and a dull throbbing in her head and wrist. She recalled a cave, the bitter cold, and the way her whole body ached.

She sensed a presence beside her and turned her head to look. Even that small movement hurt.

Solas was watching her from the small wooden stool he was seated upon, leaning against his staff for support. There was an emptiness to his gaze she'd never seen before.

"You're mad," her voice rasped.

"I am well beyond that," he replied, stone-faced and unnaturally still.

Some part of her shrivelled up at his tone. Uncomfortable lying down for this, she tried to sit up.

"Do not move," his voice was quiet but hard. "Your body was a litany of injuries, and hypothermia nearly took you in the night."

He let out a breath.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" He asked. "Your hand still bears the mark, and you're still with us, so I suspect not."

Holli blinked, her eyes starting to sting. She didn't exactly regret what she had done, but she hated that it had made him so angry with her.

"When you are well enough, we shall begin training you for battle since you're going to be so thoughtless with your life."

Her eyes shot to his again, surprised, but she looked away quickly, unable to face him.

"I'm sorry."

"Tell me why."

"Why I'm sorry?" She asked.

"Why you did it."

It was difficult to gather her thoughts, trying to pull words from the fog in her mind.

"I thought—I thought he might know more. He might know how I could get home. And I'd already closed the Breach. I thought, I don't know, if he was going to kill someone, better me than someone useful, right? Like you, or Cassandra, or Cullen?"

The Inquisition still needed them. Especially since that monster was still out there and intended to—well, she wasn't quite sure what his plan was. Rip open the sky again? Besides, if she did die, she might have gotten to go home. It had been so long, and every day the worry for her mum grew. Candace wasn't very good at looking after herself.

"That's more self-sacrificing than I'd have thought you capable of."

"Me too, actually."

"And you think your only use was for the Breach? For someone so bright, that was an incredibly stupid thought. I'll have more to say on the matter when you're better." He cast her a look before getting to his feet. "I will have food and water brought for you. Rest; you have a fever, and there is much more healing to be done."

A fever? That explained why she still felt so shitty. That and the guilt. The entire time Solas had spoken to her, his gaze never softened, and his tone remained icy. She bit her lip and tried not to cry, staring up at the roof of the tent.

Solas stepped outside, taking a calming breath.

"A little harsh on the poor girl, don't you think?" Dorian asked from his spot just outside the tent.

Solas cast a glance back at the closed tent flap. "I'd like her to remember this the next time she considers doing something so idiotic."

He left to have someone bring her food. He knew he was letting his hurt drive his anger, but he hadn't been lying to Dorian either. He did want her to remember his anger and his disappointment and think twice next time.

"She's awake?" Varric asked when Solas passed him.

"She is."

"Good," he said, getting up from his seat to go and speak with her.

"Perhaps give her a few moments," Solas told him. "You can take her food to her."

Varric did so, following behind Solas as he dished her a bowl of hot broth, very slowly. It would give her some time to compose herself.

"Make sure she eats it," Solas told him.

When Solas finally handed over the bowl and Varric could go visit Holli, he found someone else had beaten him to her. Cassandra was lecturing her, Holli staring up at the roof of the tent, occasionally nodding when Cassandra asked her a question. Usually it was something along the lines of, 'Do you realise how stupid you were?' Worded a little more harshly, but that was the general gist.

When Cassandra was done, she stormed from the tent, gaze connecting with Varric a moment as she passed by.

Holli noticed him and sat up, not without difficulty. "Your turn is it?" She asked flatly.

"I was going to, but there's quite a line of people with opinions about what you did. Doubt you need another one," he said, offering her the bowl.

She sat cross-legged on her cot, holding the bowl in her hands and staring into it.

"Not hungry?" He asked.

"Not really," she replied.

"Solas said to make sure you get it all down."

With a sigh, she made a start on it. Varric supposed she didn't want to tick Solas off any more than she already had.

"So, why'd you do it?" He asked, taking a seat on the stool. No judgement, but he was curious.

She gave a one-shouldered shrug. "Made sense at the time."

"How so?"

"Breach was closed, and he was there for me. Might as well have been me."

"When we found you, you said Corypheus," Varric said.

Holli nodded. "That was what he called himself."

"Ah shit," Varric sighed out. "What else did he say?"

"He thought he could remove the mark; he called it an anchor. He tried to remove it, but it wouldn't work."

You interrupted a ritual years in the planning, and instead of dying, you stole its purpose. I do not know how you survived or how you came to be there, but what marks you as 'touched,' what you flail at rifts, I crafted to assault the very heavens. And you used the anchor to undo my work. The gall!

Despite how sick she felt and everything that happened after, she recalled his words with vivid clarity. Not all of them, but those ones. He didn't know how she got there either. She'd hoped the creature responsible, or at least partly responsible, would know a bit more or have some inkling.

"Don't suppose he gave you a detailed explanation of his dastardly plan?"

"Not exactly, but he's going to attempt whatever he tried the first time. I don't really know what the goal was. He was going on about the Maker and the heavens and the Black City. I'm not sure, but I think he wants to become God."

Varric heaved a heavy sigh. "Yeah, that sounds like something he'd do."

"You know him?"

"Not personally. But I know a guy. I'll get in touch with him when we... figure out where we're going."

"Where are we?"

"Up in the mountains, we can still see the ruins of Haven from here. The others are trying to figure out next steps. Did you tell Cassandra about Corypheus?"

Holli shook her head. "I didn't really get a chance. She came in to yell at me, not listen to me," she replied sullenly.

"Yeah, you should prepare yourself for more of that."

"I don't know if I'm being stupid when I ask this, but... why are people so mad? I did it, didn't I? You guys weren't followed. The avalanche took out a heap of the bad guys."

"Well, let me clear that up for you. You are being stupid for asking that. How can you not know? They're fond of you, little bird. No one wanted to see you die, and you didn't even give us the chance to come up with an alternative."

"No one minded if I died that first day when they marched me up that mountain to close the Breach in the first place."

"Mostly because we had no other choice, and there was a large possibility it wouldn't kill you. Whereas what you did yesterday stopped us from being able to figure out another way, and we were forced to watch you march off into what we were certain would be your death."

He gestured for her to drink more of the broth he'd brought her.

"But you survived, both times. I'm starting to think you might actually be touched by divinity."

She pulled a face at that, making him chuckle. He stood up.

"Now, you're going to have a few angry people come in to lecture you, I'm sure you're aware. Best move here is to apologise, act contrite, and let people think you won't do anything like that again."

"Would it have been an issue if I were an adult and made that decision?"

"Probably not. No one would have been happy about it, but they probably would have respected your decision."

She shot him a look for that one.

"Hey, don't glare at me. Teenagers aren't known for thinking things through. Look, you saved people, and you survived. That's great. Don't let it go to your head. Finish your broth, then get some more rest. You look terrible."

He left her to it, and she forced herself to keep sipping at it. She didn't just look terrible; she felt it. Dizzy and nauseous, and so very tired. She attempted another sip when a new visitor entered.

Cullen. Okay, him she could manage. He got mighty uncomfortable when women cried. He came to stand before her, anger clear on his face and in every line of his body. She just let the tears fall. It wasn't hard; she'd been sitting on the edge of it for a while now.

"I'm so sorry," she said. "I thought I was doing the right thing, and I just didn't want anyone else to die because of me."

That completely took the wind out of his sails. She set her bowl down in her lap and started wiping at her face, muttering how sorry she was over and over. She meant it, but she definitely laid it on a bit thick.

"All right," Cullen finally said. "Just... don't do it again."

He awkwardly left the tent with a muttered, Get well soon. Holli took a deep breath in an attempt to get herself under control and wiped off her face.

"That was a bit more underhanded than I would have expected of you," Leliana said, slipping inside just moments after Cullen had left. "I hope your apologies to him were at least sincere."

Holli inwardly sighed. It was going to be a long day.

Chapter Text

Solas kept his distance from Holli as she recovered. He checked on her, mostly once she was asleep, but beyond that, they'd said little. Though his anger had abated for the most part, he was concerned at the depth of his concern for her.

He had not thrown in his lot with the Inquisition to form attachments but found himself doing so regardless. Most notably, Varric and his own little mentee, Holli. He had a healthy respect for most of the others and tolerance bordering civility for the rest. But he'd found himself enjoying the conversations he often shared with Varric, even if they disagreed on much. They were able to debate it without resorting to anger or even irritation most of the time.

And Holli was a remarkable student, so quick and eager to learn. With potential he had not imagined when he'd first realised she was a mage. She could also be amusing and quick-witted when she wanted to be. She bore the pressure she carried well, especially for one so young and her unusual circumstances.

He couldn't say with complete certainty why her actions had hurt so much. Disappointed him, yes. Angered him, of course. But the hurt... Of course he cared; one didn't spend as much time with someone as he did her without coming to care for them. He just hadn't realised how deeply it ran. It surprised him.

Nor did he know what to do with it. And given what he must do, he could not see things ending well when he had to leave. It was clear she had grown attached to him as well, respected him as a teacher, a mentor. And cared for him as a friend and companion. He did not like the idea of hurting her when the time came.

From his place on Skyhold's battlements, he looked down in the courtyard below to see her walking beside Cole; they didn't appear to be speaking, just walking. The unusual boy and the unusual girl.

Holli still had a fever, though she wasn't burning up like she had been. And she had enough energy to walk, though at the moment she seemed to be wavering. Even Cole was looking at her with some concern.

They had managed to salvage one of the wagons, and found some of the oxen wandering about that escaped the slaughter. Holli had spent some of their trek to Skyhold resting in it. Given how people viewed her now, no one was going to begrudge her lying in the wagon. After her actions in Haven and the feats of healing she performed, they saw her as a hero. Her survival and the extent of healing she performed had reinforced their belief she was truly touched by divinity.

He would give her a few more days to recover before he began her training in earnest.

There was much to be done about the castle to bring it to a liveable state, repairs to be made, and cleaning to be done.

There was a very different atmosphere over everyone since Holli had returned. A newfound hope and determination, almost a renewal of faith. Given the lows they had sunk to immediately after the attack, it was rather amazing the heights they now soared.

Despite Holli's unwellness, she had spent much of the day healing people, those who had been injured in the attack on Haven. Solas felt it was too soon for her to be exerting herself in such a way, but he kept his thoughts to himself.

When she suddenly looked up, her gaze connecting with his, he only stared back. Her brows furrowed, curious and saddened. He would speak to her tomorrow, and attempt to put it all behind them.

Holli's mood sunk when Solas turned away and he disappeared into one of the towers. While she wouldn't say he was avoiding her, their friendship was definitely suffering. She had apologised more than once. Promised not to do anything like that again. But it wasn't enough. As much as it hurt and as guilty as she felt, she was starting to get angry with him. He was punishing her with his absence.

Although there was that small voice in the back of her mind that told her he might just be done with her, and no amount of apologies and promises was going to repair that bridge.

This was only their second day at the castle, but she and Cole had been exploring it as much as they could. Holli had tried to invite Sera, but even she was still annoyed at Holli.

"They won't be angry forever," Cole suddenly said.

"Can you see the future too?" She asked, a little more snide than she'd intended.

He shook his head.

"Sorry," she mumbled; the guilt had been instant. Cole had been nothing but nice to her.

"They're barely angry now. It's fading."

Didn't feel like it.

Holli looked around; she had done all the healing she could. Everyone was as good as new. She would love to keep this magic when she returned home. Once she became a doctor, she could just fix people. At least those who had been injured. She had no idea if this could work on, like, cancer, or disease, or illness. So far she hadn't managed to heal her fever.

She could see Chancellor Roderick helping by bringing food and water to people. He'd had quite the attitude change since Haven. Nearly dying could do that to people.

"I'm gonna go back inside," she told Cole.

Having arrived at Skyhold yesterday, everyone had bunked down in the Great Hall last night or tents in the main courtyard. Too tired and drained to do much else. Today people were getting a bit more organised. Barracks were being set up in the tower, and there were staff quarters beneath the Great Hall for the cooks. Various other rooms were dotted here and there that people were making use of.

Adan had picked a place to set up the infirmary; Holli was planning to help him later, opting to deal with the injured first. And now she wanted to find a place to sleep, set up her own quarters. There had been a room at the rear of the castle; it looked like it might have been a study or an office. It was small, but it had a desk, and the walls were covered in books. Once she cleaned it out, it could be a nice little place. She didn't have much of her possessions anymore, most of them buried in Haven. She only had what she'd been wearing and what she had managed to stuff into her backpack the night of the attack. Varric had been nice enough to hold onto it even after everyone thought she had died.

It took some time to find that office again, and she was relieved no one else seemed to have claimed it. She set her backpack on the desk, coughing a little at all the dust that wafted up. Most of the mess was cobwebs and dust. Unlike some of the castle, the walls were still intact, and it had a sturdy door. This place would be perfect.

She started cleaning the room up, dusting off the cobwebs, and carefully inspecting every nook and cranny for any spiders that might belong to those cobwebs.

Once she cleaned the grime off the window, it let in a lot more light too, which was nice. It would be warm and cosy to sit in once the sun was in the right place.

Once done with the room, she flopped onto the chair at the desk, a bit puffed. After days of walking, the exertion of healing, and still being unwell, cleaning was what tipped her over the edge.

She was officially out of energy.

She still needed to dig up a bedroll or a spare cot and a blanket. Or ten. The castle wasn't the warmest place. The warming spell Solas had taught her would help keep her comfortable now that she could cast it on her own, as often as she needed. But at night... it was going to be nights of interrupted sleep if she had to keep recasting it.

How to make this room warmer? Curtains over the window once the sun was gone. Insulating the place was unfeasible. A rug would help, and something to stop any drafts coming under the door.

While she sat at the desk, she idly rummaged through the drawers, wary of spiders. There were quills and ink pottles, they looked dried out. Candles, a few coins, pieces of parchment. There were letters, the writing so faded she couldn't make out what they said. The few books she'd plucked off the shelves and flipped through had been in readable condition at least.

While she took a bit of a rest, she would read, recover some of her energy.

-

Holli jolted awake, a cry for help on her lips, and her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. It had been a few days since she'd had the nightmare of the school bathroom. Only this time, the bathroom floor had been made of ice, the walls and ceiling encased in it, strongly resembling the cave she'd woken in after... Haven.

She had fallen asleep at the desk, her neck sore from the awkward angle. Quickly realising she wasn't alone, she looked up to find Cole seated cross-legged on the desk she'd been resting on. He was watching her with sympathetic eyes.

"Hey, Cole," she muttered, pushing herself back against the chair and trying to work the stiffness out of her neck.

"You had a bad dream," Cole said. "All-encompassing cold and a shadow that felt too close."

Holli nodded. No point in lying; Cole would probably know.

"I know how to make bad dreams vanish," he said. "I can listen to them, hear their whispers, and make them stop. All that fear? It's just leftover pieces of your worst days."

"My dreams don't come from the Fade," she told him. "Or they aren't in the Fade, or however it works."

She didn't know if that would render him powerless against her nightmares. If this was something he'd done before, he'd only be familiar with Fade dreams.

He nodded.

"Can you see my dreams?" She asked. "Like when you were in my head?"

He shook his head. "It's like pieces of pictures, but thoughts. Or maybe memories. Not enough to work with for a picture."

Holli let out a breath. "Ok. Don't worry about it, Cole. I can manage my dreams. But thanks for asking. Did you come here for something?"

Easier to change the subject. He gestured to a pile of blankets and a bedroll beside the door.

"Because you're afraid of the cold," he said.

"I'm not afraid of it. I just don't like it."

"The cold makes you feel small, like the world is closing in, and there's nowhere to hide. The cold… makes everything sharper, harder. The edges of things stand out like a knife, and you can’t escape the feeling that it’s always there, waiting."

Holli watched him, at a loss for words.

"It’s the memories, too. The way the cold makes your heart feel empty, like it could freeze right in your chest. It lingers, even after the frost melts, in the spaces inside your mind. The cold never really leaves you; it never left you.”

"Stop," it came out a harsh whisper, but he must not have heard.

“I hear it in the way you breathe, the way you hesitate when the temperature drops. A fear wrapped in frost. But the cold is just a thing. It can’t steal warmth if you don’t let it crawl inside you. And you’re not alone in it."

He reached out and patted her head; she just sat stiffly, blinking back the wetness in her eyes and trying to swallow over the lump in her throat.

Twice in her life now the cold had almost killed her. The first time she had been so little. Her mum had left her there, forgotten her, while high or drunk; Holli couldn't remember.

She quickly swiped at her eyes, and Cole dropped his hand from her head, studying her.

"I'm going to go to sleep now, Cole. Thank you for the blankets."

She wanted to tell him to shove his truth bombs up his arse but at least had enough restraint not to.

"You're angry with me."

"Just annoyed. It'll pass. As long as you keep this shit to yourself."

Cole nodded. "Everyone is afraid of something."

"What are you afraid of?"

Fair's fair after all.

"That... I'm not real. I think I am. But sometimes I feel like I'm not real, a thought in someone else's mind. Like I don't matter. Like I'm nothing.”

He said it so easily, like he wasn't the least bit ashamed of it. It was a fear she had some experience in, the latter parts, the not mattering. She felt kind of stupid for her own fear now.

Unsure what to do, she reached out and patted him on the head the way he had her. His eyes met hers, and he offered a tentative smile.

"You feel real," she said softly. "And you're definitely not nothing. If you start to worry about it, come find me, and we can... I don't know, talk it out if you want." Holli dropped her hand and stood up. "Good night, Cole."

"Good night, Holli."

He vanished then, and she wondered if he was still there and just invisible, or if he'd actually somehow teleported. She waved her hand in the spot he had been, but it didn't connect with anything solid.

Heaving a tired sigh, she set about making up her bed on the floor.

Chapter Text

Before Holli slipped out of her bedroll, piled high with every blanket Cole had brought her the evening before, she cast the warming spell on herself to fortify her against the inevitable cold.

She stood up, stretching her arms above her head and letting out a startled yelp.

Solas was leaning against the desk, legs crossed at the ankles, a book in his hands. He pulled his eyes from the book and looked over at her.

"You didn't have dinner last night. You're still recovering; you shouldn't be missing meals," he told her, snapping the book closed. "Get dressed. I'll wait outside."

He placed the book on the desk; it had been the one she was reading yesterday when she'd fallen asleep on it. It was a book about lost magical arts. She had been hoping to find something useful to get her home. Even if it wasn't helpful so far, it was fascinating reading. But it didn't really explain how to use these magics. That was probably the 'lost' part.

Holli quickly changed out of her pyjamas, just a hoodie and leggings that had been sitting in the bottom of her backpack. She pulled on her jeans, thermal top, black Converses, and her coat. One of the ladies here had repaired it and cleaned it as best she could after the damage done to it during Haven and her trek through the snow after. She quickly brushed her hair so it wasn't a rats nest. She had lost her beanie after Haven too; it was her only one. She couldn't even hide her hair under it.

She met Solas out in the hallway, eyeing him warily. He'd made it clear he was still pissed with her, by actions if not words.

He started walking, and she fell into step beside him.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Fine," she replied.

"In the chaos of the last few days, and you being ill, there have been people who wanted to speak with you but were unable."

He led her down the hall and up a flight of steps. He opened a door that led out into the garden, where there was a small group of people. She recognised some of them, the people she had healed the day of the attack, the ones who couldn't make it to the Chantry on their own. At least not before she had healed them.

A woman stepped forward; Holli recognised her as the woman who'd had no hand and a broken leg. She knelt in front of Holli, down on one knee, head bowed. With the hand that Holli had regrown, she offered a handful of coins.

"If I had more, I would give it," she said.

Holli stared a moment, her mind taking a second to process before she shook her head. Holli took her wrist, urging her to get up.

"You don't have to give me anything, and please don't kneel."

She wasn't some tyrant holding people's health hostage. What did they think she was, the American healthcare system?

"You gave me back my sword hand, my livelihood," the woman said. "It is a debt I cannot repay."

"There is no debt," Holli said, a little panicked. She looked to everyone else. "There's no debt. Don't make it weird."

"We're alive because of you," another man said; she remembered him, the legless guy.

"My husband can walk because of you," the woman beside him said.

Okay, cool, but it was magic. Lots of people could do magic.

"Awesome, I'm glad for you, but there are plenty of mages about. If it hadn't been me, it would have been someone else," Holli said.

That statement drew odd looks; the small group gathered looked to Solas, and she got the distinct feeling she was missing something. Solas merely shook his head, dismissing whatever it was.

"My wife made this for you," Legless said, holding out a beanie that strongly resembled her lost one.

"I couldn't get the pink you so favour out here; I'm—"

"You made this for me?" Holli said, reverently taking the white woollen hat from his hands. "No one's ever made anything for me before."

It was sad, but true. Her mother didn't even bother making a cake on her birthday. And her friends just bought her things, mostly lollies, nail polish, or books they thought she might like, usually from secondhand bookshops. They knew her favourite one. One year Curtis's gift to her had been to pay her late fees at the library. She loved their gifts and appreciated them hard, but there was something to knowing someone had made something especially for her. Pumped time and effort into it.

Holli held the hat in her hand, absently running her thumbs over the softness of it. It even had a pompom on the top.

She looked to the woman, a wide grin on her face. "Thank you," she said, pulling the hat on.

The action made the couple smile, the woman pulling Holli into a hug, which she awkwardly returned.

The others gave her thanks as well, taking her hand or squeezing her shoulder. Holli spoke with them for a few moments, learning their names and what they did around the keep. Most of them had been—and now were again—soldiers in the Inquisition's army.

When they left to return to their duties, Holli spun towards Solas, beaming and looking up at what she could see of the rim of the beanie upon her head.

"It's cute, right?" She said, more a statement than a question, as she lightly squeezed the pompom on top.

"Yes," he replied, the faintest hint of an indulgent smile playing at his lips. "Do you see now, your usefulness beyond a rift key? But it is important that you know your usefulness to the Inquisition is not the most important thing about you."

He gestured for her to walk with him again.

"While I understand the desire to contribute, there are alternatives to martyrdom."

She tilted her head to the side, all wide-eyed curiosity. "There are? Like what?"

His eyes narrowed on her at her flippancy.

"You're not amusing."

She disagreed, but whatever.

"What was that about before? When they all looked at you like that," she asked.

"Your ability to heal is... astounding, Holli. No one can regrow limbs as you did. It has been universally accepted as fact that it is an impossible feat."

"Has anyone actually tried? Because I managed in, like, a second."

Ok, a second might have been an exaggeration, but still...

"Yes, people have tried. Far more experienced mages than yourself at that."

"So why can I do it?"

"The answer to that eludes me. When it comes to you and magic, there is much I have yet to find answers for."

"Can't just put it down to 'it's magic?'" She asked, wiggling her fingers mysteriously.

"Magic isn't some nonsensical force without rhyme or reason."

"Really?" This time she meant it, genuinely stumped at the concept. She had thought that was exactly how magic was.

He had explained how it worked, but she had honestly understood it to mean there was little it couldn't do as long as you had the power to back it up. Magic was literally used to alter reality. He had specifically said one was limited by their imagination. When she pointed that out to him, he'd looked at her curiously, a look that had quickly become speculative.

"What?" She asked.

"While I doubt your gift with magic is caused by something as simple as the way you view it, it may play a part."

"Doesn't everyone view magic this way?"

"Perhaps once, they might have. But it is certainly not the case today. Magic is often met with fear and suspicion. Even most of those born with it see it as a curse rather than a gift. And another portion of the population see it as a means to power, a tool to subjugate."

"I wonder if I'll still be able to use it once I get home," she murmured, more to herself than him.

"Which brings us to something else I must ensure you understand." He looked at her, expression serious. Well, more serious than his usual serious. "You did not die to come here. And dying will not take you home. That idea needs to be laid to rest."

"But how do you know though? When people die here, they go to the Fade, right? Just another world."

"The Fade is not 'just another world.' And when they die, their spirits, their souls, go there. Is that how you would like to return home?"

"But maybe it would be different for me. I've been the exception to a lot of rules so far." Apparently.

"Are you willing to bet your life on that?"

Holli let out a sigh. Not to the point she would kill herself to check. But maybe enough she'd take risks she wouldn't usually take.

"You're sure it won't work like that?" She asked.

"Yes."

"Fine," she conceded. "I'll give up the idea."

"Thank you. I know you wish to return home, but dying will not do it."

Holli nodded. She would give up on the idea, but not entirely because she didn't believe it. More because Solas seemed so certain.

"I'm sorry if I worried you," she said softly.

"'If'?" He quirked a brow at her.

"That I worried you," she amended. "Because you... care if I die?"

She winced at how needy that sounded and hoped he hadn't heard it given how quietly it had come out.

"Of course I care if you die, da'len," he replied. "So do the others."

As embarrassing as that had been, she had to fight down a smile. Today was a nice day. A nice lady had made her a hat, and the people she had spent the last however many months with cared about her well-being. Even the fact he'd called her 'child' didn't diminish it. Maybe it was the subtle fondness in his tone or the softness in his eyes that took the offence out of it. Or maybe because he didn't mean it as a slight or a reason to disregard her.

Back home she had Curtis and Yvette, and her mum cared sometimes. But beyond them, she didn't really have a lot of connections. And though she was fond of and cared for the people here, there was always that fear that it was one-sided. They looked out for her because they needed her. Maybe it had started that way, but it was nice to know it hadn't stayed that way.

"Cool. Cool cool cool," she breathed out.

Chapter Text

Solas looked around, the cold stone ground, icicles coming down from the roof of the cave, a bitter cold wind blowing through it. He'd not been in this cave before, but he could hazard a guess as to where he was.

Further in, he heard her voice, whispers, and whimpers. He continued further to find Holli, coming upon her down on her knees. On the ground was a girl about the same age as her, alive, barely breathing, bleeding heavily. Both Holli and the girl were wearing the same uniform. The same clothes she had arrived in Thedas with. Holli was trying to stem the bleeding, unsuccessfully.

"It's gonna be okay, Katie," she whisper-sobbed. "Just stay awake. Someone will stop him. Someone will come."

"Holli," Solas called softly.

Holli looked up at him, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Solas. Solas, you have to help me," she whispered. "We have to get her out of here. It's not safe."

She kept looking to a spot behind him, like she was expecting someone.

"It's not real, Holli," he told her.

"What?" She looked confused. "Solas, we don't have time. He might find us."

"You're dreaming. This is the Fade."

Solas knew she had nightmares from time to time, but she never talked about them. He had seen how she preferred to ignore or repress what she would rather not face.

"What?"

"Remember, you drank Lyrium, and I guided you towards the Fade as you drifted off."

If they managed to make it this far, Solas had wanted her to take the lead in this dream, to learn to manipulate the Fade around her. To see if she could. But to leave her in this would just be cruel.

With a wave of his hand, the girl on the ground vanished, and so did the frozen cave. She looked around, taking in the sight of Haven. Solas offered his hand and pulled her up, vanishing the blood on hers.

"What's going on?" She asked, quickly wiping her eyes.

He started walking, leading her towards the Chantry. How much did she remember?

"Do you know where we are?" He asked.

"Haven," she replied, following a step behind.

First he would attempt to ground her—familiar surroundings and a reminder of reality. He took her inside, down to the dungeon she had been kept. Lying on the stone floor were the restraints they had kept her in.

"Yuck," she muttered. "I hate this place."

He huffed a little breath of amusement as he looked down at the restraint, his own memories of those days coming to the fore.

"After healing you, I sat beside you while you slept, studying the anchor," he told her.

"How long can it take to look at a crack on my hand?"

"A magical mark of unknown origin, tied to a unique breach in the Veil? Longer than you might think. I ran every test I could imagine, searched the Fade, yet found nothing. Cassandra suspected duplicity. She threatened to have me executed as an apostate if I did not produce results."

"Cassandra's like that with everyone," Holli said, a glint of amusement in her eyes attempting to drown out the horror of minutes ago.

"Yes," Solas chuckled as he turned back, leading the way outside. "You were never going to wake up. How could you, a mortal sent physically through the Fade from we couldn't even imagine where? I was frustrated, frightened. The spirits I might have consulted had been driven away by the Breach. Although I wished to help, I had no faith in Cassandra... or she in me. I was ready to flee."

"Even after, I remember you were considering it," she said. "But the Breach threatened the whole world. Where would you go?"

"Someplace far away where I might research a way to repair the Breach before its effects reached me. I never said it was a good plan."

He looked up at the sky, where the Breach was once again marring the heavens.

"I told myself: one more attempt to seal the rifts. I tried and failed. No ordinary magic would affect them. I watched the rifts expand and grow, resigned myself to flee, and then..."

He recalled the way he had forced her to reach toward the rift, the way the magic burst from her.

"'It seems you hold the key to our salvation,'" he said, looking at her. "I remember the terror in your eyes when I said it."

"I remember the terror I felt, much as I'd rather not."

"You were already drowning. It was unfair of me to drag you deeper."

She smiled lightly. "You probably could have sugar-coated it a little."

He conceded that point with a faint smile. "You've adjusted well regardless. I'm sorry we're no closer to getting you home."

"Between us, I'm sure we'll figure it out eventually."

They lapsed into silence, staring up at the Breach. It was strange seeing it again.

"So, the Fade just looks like memories?" She asked.

"It can. It is shaped by the dreamers. But there are spaces between."

"Since I'm dreaming now, how can I shape it? I want to go somewhere warmer."

"It is much like manipulating your magic; it—"

He stopped mid-sentence as their surroundings changed. Haven melted away, walls growing from the ground covered in a pastel pink colour. A roof grew from there, a paper lantern light hanging from it. The room was small, most of the space taken by a double bed. Through the window above it, he could see a small yard down below. There was a well-loved vanity in the corner and a lone bookshelf overflowing with books. So much so, there were piles of them scattered around. There was a wall with pictures pinned to it and tiny lights on a string weaving through them. In front of the lone door, there was a dressing table covering it. There was barely an inch of surface that didn't have some kind of clutter on it. Mostly cosmetics, papers, jewellery, and books.

Holli looked around, looking less than impressed with it. "This is my bedroom. Not what I was after."

Solas looked at the small pictures, portraits mostly, but the realism in them was staggering.

"Those are photos. It, like, captures a moment—hang on," she looked around for something, picking up a small rectangular object from the bedside table. He'd seen it amongst her things when she had first come to Thedas.

She pressed the surface a few times before holding it up. There was a click and a flash of light, then she showed him. It was an instant rendering of his likeness.

"Neat, right?" She looked around. "Didn't realise how much of this stuff I took for granted."

He looked at the pictures again; there were many of her and two of the same people, a boy and girl her age.

"Those are my friends, Curtis and Yvette. And that's my mum, Candace."

There wasn't a very strong resemblance to her mother; he took that to mean she took after her father. He recalled her saying she didn't know who he was.

Some of these pictures were from a time when she was very small, early childhood. She was easy to pick out with those ears of hers. Far too pointed for a human, not long and pointed enough for an elf. Similar to what he'd seen in some elf-blooded children. He was more convinced than ever her father was an elf. Somehow.

"I think you've made some kind of mistake," he said, indicating the dressing table blocking the door.

She shook her head. "When I'm in here, that's usually where I leave it. My room is my safe space. I can't always say the same about the rest of my house."

Her voice was quiet, and she avoided looking his way. He did not like the shame he saw in her face. Whatever happened outside her door, he was certain was no fault of her own. He was curious, but he would not pry. Merely listen should she need.

She let out a breath, shaking her hands out. "I'm gonna try changing it again; this wasn't where I was trying to go."

He was just impressed she managed to change it at all, and without any instruction from him. But she had always been clever.

Their surroundings shifted again; this time they were in a dimly lit—either a bookshop or a library. Floor-to-ceiling shelves full of books. A lot of them were obviously used. This place clearly contented her far more than her room had. There was a faint smile on her face, her eyes were bright, and her shoulders were relaxed.

"Page Turners," she told him. "A secondhand bookshop I used to come to all the time. I couldn't always afford to buy books, and they would let me hang out here and read until closing. It's closer to home than the library."

He followed her throughout the bookshop, weaving through the shelves until she found the section she was looking for. Scanning the titles, she pulled out a book with a grin, opening it up. Her expression immediately fell.

"It's blank," she said.

"It's based upon your memory, Holli. If you've not read it before..."

"Fuuuuuuuuck," she sighed out, putting it back. "So I only have access to books I've read."

"No one can remember every book they've read."

"I can. Well, not every book; I can't really remember the ones from my early childhood. But look."

She pulled another book from the shelf and handed it to him. He opened it, and sure enough, there were words inside. Completely coherent.

"That's quite an incredible memory you have," he noted.

She just let out a hum as she started scanning the shelves. He was aware her recall was impressive, he hadn't known it was this good.

"Okay, spending my dreams hanging out here and reading books is awesome. The Fade is awesome," she said.

"While I'm happy to hear it, unfortunately this amount of lucidity will not come easily every night. And you may need Lyrium to achieve it. Without it, you might go back to dreaming as you have been. Drinking Lyrium every night to go to sleep is... unwise."

She deflated a little. "Damn. Okay. Well, if this is the only night I get, I'm gonna show you some awesome shit. Come on."

Her grin was back in place as she grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the store's entrance.

-

When Solas awoke the next morning, he lay on his cot and stared up at the ceiling for a while. He was... processing. Holli had said he'd looked 'a bit shell-shocked,' a term he had been unfamiliar with until she had explained it.

She had shown him her city, the place she ventured into every day for school or to meet her friends and make mischief. It was loud, full of constant activity, and inventions and contraptions he could never even have conceived of. And she was able to tune it out to do what she wanted. Her world was a constant bombardment against his senses, the sounds, the sights, the smells, the tastes. Granted, he was experiencing it through her memories. She had been eager to show him everything, and her memory was so incredibly deep and detailed.

He had awoken with a headache and the feeling of not having slept at all.

How people lived in her world was a mystery to him. But it explained a few things about the way she was.

She had clearly been happy to be home, even if it hadn't been real. And the way she had excitedly pulled him from place to place had been endearing. Her eagerness to share this part of her life no one could access, that no one in the entirety of Thedas had ever seen.

He had often imagined what her world might be like, as they all had. He'd had a few late nights with Varric, or one of the advisors, pondering this foreign land that had bred a girl like Holli.

Nothing could have prepared him for it. It lacked the breathtaking beauty of Elvhenan, but the advancements had outpaced magic in many ways. And there had been pockets of beauty to be found in the city she called home.

But it was also a constant bombardment of stimulation. He could see why she grew bored without a book in her hand and why the quiet seemed to unnerve her at times.

While he wouldn't be opposed to another jaunt in her world, he needed time to recover from this one first.

Chapter Text

Holli ducked to the side, the arrow barely missing her. She'd felt the cut of the air as it whizzed past. She tried to summon the shield, but it only appeared for a second before blinking out. Another arrow hit her in the ankle, the force of it sweeping her foot out from under her and sending her to the ground.

Holli lay there a moment, trying to catch her breath. Sera's smart-arse cackle could be heard.

"How's that ankle?" The other girl asked.

Holli was tempted to go over there and kick her with it, but she would probably just embarrass herself further.

"Up, up, up, my dear," Vivienne said, shocking her with what she had called a 'gentle' bolt of lightning.

Holli yelped and got back to her feet. Vivienne, Sera, and Solas were conducting her battle training. A softer introduction to it at least. Seras arrows were cushioned, felt more like a hard punch—a really hard punch in Holli's opinion. And Vivienne would fire off non-lethal spells, things that made more of a mess than caused any injury.

Her life may not have been on the line, but this didn't feel like a 'softer' introduction. Solas would call out orders or suggestions while the others pelted her. Sometimes he would call a pause to the training and show her different ways she could have blocked, dodged, or used her magic to disperse or deflect.

She struggled to control her magic when she wasn't in a panic, it seemed. It either exploded out of her or didn't come out at all. While her magic classes with Solas had gone well, that was a relaxed environment; it came easy. Even her solo practices went easier than this. While running around, it was a little harder. But she didn't have the panic to fuel her as she'd had at Therinfal or Haven.

"It is nearing midday," Solas said. "We can call an end to it today. Get some lunch, and be ready to go again tomorrow."

Holli nodded, her chest heaving with the exertion.

"Come on," Sera said. "Herald's Rest is serving meals today."

Holli cringed at the name. They had started setting it up the day after they arrived here, another tavern. Bull had been so keen on one he'd had his Chargers help in clearing the place out and getting it set up. That had been their priority.

"At least let me change first," Holli said. "I'm all sweaty and gross. No one's going to want to come near me like this."

"Who do you want to come near you?" She grinned as she waggled her eyebrows.

Holli only rolled her own eyes. Sera had gotten over her anger pretty quickly, at least after she had been allowed to pelt Holli with cushioned arrows. Must have been cathartic.

"No one," she replied. "But I don't want to repel anyone either. Or be known as the stinky Herald of Andraste."

"Ugh, fine. Go get changed then, princess."

She would have preferred a quick shower, but that wasn't going to happen. She made her way to her little office room, getting changed out of the linen and leather that Rythal had provided for her for training purposes. Better than wrecking her own clothes; she had so few of them left. She cleaned up as best she could before spraying on some deodorant and hoping it would be enough.

She met up with Sera outside the tavern, heading in to find it quite packed. How they had managed to get alcohol here so quickly, she didn't know. But it wasn't surprising.

Sera pulled her up to the counter, tossing out an order to Cabot, who gave a nod to let them know he'd heard. Then Sera dragged her over to Bull's table, where he sat with a couple of his Chargers. Krem and Stitches.

"How goes the training?" Bull asked, ruffling her hair; his heavy hand almost had her face planting into the table.

"Great," she replied, fixing her hair. "I'm on track for world domination."

"Planning to conquer the world flat on your back in the dirt?" Sera teased.

"That's just phase one of my plan," she deadpanned.

"When will you be needing a giant, axe-wielding qunari to spar with?" He asked.

"Hopefully never, holy shit. Isn't the point in magic range?"

"Can't always rely on that," Krem told her. "Someone could flank you, sneak up on you, or just fight their way over to you."

"If they really want to teach you, they should be training you with a sword as well as magic," Bull added.

"Yeah, physically I'm a bit—"

"Shite?" Sera asked.

"If we want to be mean about it," Holli said, casting her a look.

"You need more muscles on you."

"I don't make muscles; I just get fat."

"That's what the training is for," Bull pointed out, a bit like he was talking to a moron. "You and Sera both, far too skinny. You two need to eat more."

"Hey, I'm just fine, thanks. Kick arse with the best of 'em," Sera shot back.

Cabot brought over their plates laden with food. Way too much for Holli to finish. That would just back up Bulls point.

She just picked at her food as she listened to Bull tell them a story from his time before the Inquisition. She ended up pushing her plate to the middle of the table to share with the others, earning a look from Bull. But he was the first to partake.

When she had finished eating, she bid the others goodbye, about to leave when she noticed something on the top floor. Someone. Holli turned around and made her way up to the top floor. It wasn't as furnished and looked more like it might have been used for storage for now. But there was Cole, standing at the railing. He had been watching the people down below, but now he was watching her as she made her way to him.

"Hey, Cole," she greeted with a smile.

"Hello, Holli," he said, attempting to smile in return.

His face didn't often change, not overly expressive, but every now and then she would see him try to mimic an expression or manage a pretty genuine one.

"Don't have to force yourself if you're not feeling it," she told him, coming to stand at the railing beside him, looking down at the activity below.

She knew Cole liked being around people, even if he didn't always like being seen by them. Well, liked might be the wrong word. He worried people weren't comfortable seeing him.

"You could have come down and eaten with us," she said.

He just shook his head. Whether it was because he just didn't need to eat or he hadn't wanted company, she wasn't sure. What Cole actually was, she didn't really understand. Solas was adamant he wasn't possessing anyone, but nor was he entirely human. He'd said he was a type of manifested spirit.

Holli sat down on the floor, patting the ground for him to do the same, which he did.

"You just watch the people from here?" She asked.

"And listen," he said.

"To them talking, or their thoughts?"

"Both. It's hard to help if I don't know what's wrong."

Fair enough. "So you must know all the gossip then."

"Gossip?"

"Never mind." She wouldn't pry it from him either; he knew everyone's secrets. Best he keep it all to himself. Though he did have a tendency to say shit in front of people. He was lucky there didn't seem to be a malicious bone in his body, or he would have been in for a lot of beatings.

It felt weird to say that about a boy who killed people and didn't seem to feel bad about it... And yet he could be super sweet, like with the cook, just to make her smile.

Holli flopped back on the ground, staring up at the roof, Cole imitating the move, his hat flopping off. It was rare to see him without it.

"Solas said you're learning to fight," he said.

"Yeah? I don't know. I think it's more about making sure I can defend myself when a fight finds me."

"Or you go looking for it?"

It might have sounded snide were it from anyone else but him. And then she would have just felt guilty and annoyed. From him, it just sounded like a genuine question.

"It's good you're you, Cole."

"Is it?" He sounded unsure, and she turned her head to look at him.

"Yes? Why? Has someone told you otherwise?" She would absolutely have a go at whoever said that.

He smiled then; it was small, but more real and less stilted than his last attempt.

"Not recently," he replied. "But they're not here. And if they were, you wouldn't be able to do anything because you can't fight."

A laugh tumbled out of her at that. "Okay, if that was an attempt at being a smart arse, you came kinda close to nailing it. And also, I offer to defend your honour, and this is how you repay me?"

His smile fell at that, and she instantly regretted her words.

"I'm joking, Cole, just playing with you."

"Ah. Like friends. Friends play with each other. Rhys was my friend."

Holli had heard him talk about this Rhys before. Rhys, the boy who could see him and who could remember him. The boy who abandoned him when he found out Cole wasn't... normal. What even is normal in this place?

"Are we friends?" He asked, a mix of curiosity and hesitance.

"Yes? Yes. As long as you want to be."

She didn't want to force her friendship on him if he didn't want it. It stung a little that he seemed almost reluctant.

"I—I think I would like to have a friend again."

Holli let out a discreet breath of relief. She didn't handle rejection well; it would bother her for days, maybe weeks. Lying in bed at night, she would recall the memory and cringe so hard it would be difficult to sleep. At least, that was how it used to be. Maybe it would be different now that she had bigger worries and worse memories.

"You were worried."

"Nobody likes being rejected," she shrugged, a little miffed he pointed it out. "Was it on my face or did you read my thoughts?"

"Thoughts."

"You've got to try and stop doing that," she said, nudging his arm gently with her elbow.

"I'm not sure I know how. I don't try; I just hear. Mostly fears and worries."

"So just singing obnoxious songs in my head really loud wouldn't cover them up?"

"I don't think so."

She nodded, turning her head back to the roof. "Damn."

"The songs in your head aren't obnoxious. Most of them."

"Christ, you hear that too?"

She had a tendency to have songs stuck in her head. It was almost constant. At least she was able to tune it out to focus on other things when need be. It was like an annoying background tab. Anything could remind her of a song, and then it would kick off. Hearing 'I don't know' was a common trigger. 'I don't knoooow whoa oh, why does love do this to me? I don't know, I don't know.' For fuck's sake.

He nodded in answer to her question.

"Well, I apologise in advance if it gets too annoying."

Chapter Text

Holli stood on the stairs beside Cassandra and Leliana as they watched people file in through the front gates.

"They arrive daily from every settlement in the region," Cassandra told her. "Skyhold is becoming a pilgrimage. And word of your miraculous healing abilities has reached far."

It still blew her mind she'd figured out how to do something no other mage had. Well, she hadn't figured anything out. She'd just done it. If someone asked her to teach them, she'd have no idea how.

She had noticed some unfamiliar faces about recently but hadn't paid it much mind. She mostly spent time training with Solas and whoever else he'd invited to join them or flitted between the others and the infirmary to see if anyone needed anything—the place was empty thanks to her. Adan grumbled about it, her putting him out of the job, but he was pleased to have more time for his own research. She had seen him working with Stitches as well, the pair of them working on advancing the medical field or whatever it was they got up to. Sometimes she helped out, offered a different perspective, and was able to figure out calculations that stumped them.

Any other free time was spent practicing magic. Just playing with it. She was working on illusions, creating magical decoys and disguises to see if she could.

"I know you prefer healing people; it's not gone unnoticed how you've kept the infirmary empty," Cassandra continued. "But we have need of you out there as well. There are still rifts to close, demons still coming through to terrorise the surrounding areas."

Holli nodded. "Are we leaving soon?"

She had grown kind of attached to this place. It wasn't as bone-chilling as Haven had been; there was a cosiness to it, which felt ridiculous to say about a castle. The atmosphere here was different from Haven as well, nicer, even for those few hours after she had closed the Breach. Maybe it was how repairing this place and making it liveable had brought people together. Or maybe it was the fact there was grass and the place wasn't just rock and snow.

Holli didn't really want to leave.

"We haven't decided when just yet. There are matters that need to be decided."

"Like what?"

"A leader for the Inquisition," Cassandra replied.

"Between Cullen, Josephine, and myself, we have been managing," Leliana said. "But it would be best to have an appointed leader. It would take some of the load off the three of us. Someone with the authority to act in our interests out there."

Holli looked to Cassandra. "I thought that's what you did."

"In the interim, I have been doing what I can. But the Inquisition needs a better leader than I can be."

"So who'll be the leader?" She asked.

"We're not sure yet," Leliana replied. "But once that person is found, I suspect you'll be working closely with them to further the Inquisition's aims."

"Why?" Holli asked.

She didn't see how she was supposed to help the Inquisition leader.

"You are still the Herald of Andraste, an integral figure of the Inquisition, and currently, the face of it, if not the leadership. When people think of it, they think of you; they think of how you closed the Breach."

"And soon, they will think of how you performed miracles."

"What miracles?"

"Healing cripples, regrowing lost limbs. Those were feats considered impossible."

"But I've proven it's not impossible. Isn't it more likely that people just hadn't figured it out yet rather than it being a miracle?" She shot them a look. "Or does that not fit the narrative you're aiming for?"

"It does benefit us to let people believe you've been touched by Divinity and can now perform miracles," Leliana admitted. "And having you out in the world performing those miracles will help even more."

"All about the optics... Fine. I want the practice anyway. I need to figure out how to make it not hurt people."

She did warn patients that it hurt before she did it, and so far everyone had still gone forward with the healing. She had learnt a few things, though—if it was a broken bone, it was better to set it first, then heal. It caused more pain and more damage to heal if she didn't. Same with a dislocation—set it first, then heal. Adan was teaching her a lot about nonmagical healing. She had also learnt she could not cure illness, at least not those caused by viruses, which was all she'd encountered so far. Colds and flus. Bonus points if she could figure out how to not leave a scar too.

"So how are you going to find a leader?" She asked. "Hold interviews? A recruitment expo?"

"I know you're being sarcastic," Cassandra said, crossing her arms over her chest. "But likely recruitment."

"And you never asked me? I'm hurt. Inquisitor Holli. Inquisitor Whitlock. Has a nice ring," she shot them a cheeky grin.

Cassandra rolled her eyes.

"Given how beloved you've become after the Breach, and Haven, it could work," Leliana said. "And the others are fond enough of you they might listen when you give orders."

Holli's heart shot into her throat, her eyes widening on the redhead. A slow smirk spread across Leliana's face, and Holli realised she had been joking. The relief flooded in.

"Not funny," Holli muttered.

"The look on your face was," Leliana chuckled.

Below, she could see Bull walking with one of his Chargers; they must have just come back from sparring or training, maybe. They both had their weapons slung over their shoulders.

"Right. I'll see you guys later then. Good luck on your leader hunt. Bull, catch me!"

Holli jumped off the steps; they should probably put a railing in. It was maybe about a storey drop. Just enough time for Bull to quickly drop his axe and catch her.

"Cutting that a bit close," he told her as he set her down.

She looked up to see Cassandra and Leliana peering over the edge to make sure she hadn't broken herself on the ground below.

"I had faith in you," she told him.

He snorted his amusement, slinging his axe back over his shoulder and walking off with his friend. Holli headed off in the opposite direction. She had to meet Varric. Then the infirmary. Given all these new people who had arrived, some of them might go right to the infirmary. Before she could get there, however, she bumped into Dorian. She quite liked the lippy mage. He had attended one of her training sessions at Solas's behest. Solas liked to mix it up: different people, different styles, keep her on her toes.

"'Sup, Dorian?" She asked, falling into step beside him.

"'Sup?" He replied, very prim about it. "What do you lot do with all the time you save on these nonsense words?"

"Make up more nonsense words, of course. You should hear some of the shit the young ones come up with."

He looked at her like she'd just said the stupidest thing he'd ever heard. "You are one of the young ones."

"The younger ones," she said with a roll of her eyes.

She didn't know if their slang would ever catch on here, but she was kind of curious to find out. Some of the stupid slang she had picked up had only been because she'd been saying it ironically. Then it just stuck. And Dorian seemed to be doing the same.

"You looked like you were having a rather serious discussion with Seeker Pentagast and Sister Leliana," he noted.

"They asked me to be the Inquisitor," she told him.

The laugh that bubbled up out of him was a fairly good indicator he didn't believe her in the slightest.

"Rude," she huffed, no real heat behind it.

"Apologies, my dear Holiday. Where are my manners? Or should I be addressing you as Inquisitor Whitlock?" His grin was wide, a teasing glint in his eyes.

"Apology accepted," she replied haughtily. "But no, you shouldn't. I had to turn them down. It's just not the right fit for me. It's Queen of the World or nothing."

"Nothing wrong with a bit of ambition. Are you sure you're aiming high enough?"

"Yeah, don't want to be unrealistic."

"I suppose not. Where are you off to?"

"Varric wanted to talk to me. Laters, Dorian."

"Yes, laters," he gave a little wave as they parted ways. He looked like the word left a sour taste in his mouth.

She laughed to herself. That was how calling people bruvs, and blud had started for her. She had only started using it to mock Curtis when he did it. Then it stuck.

She'd have Dorian doing it soon too.

-

"Holli, meet Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall," Varric introduced. "And Fenris."

Holli watched the armoured bearded man make his way down the stairs. Holli had read Varric's book about him. And he looked just as Varric had described.

"Though I don't use that title much anymore," Hawke said, joining them at the bottom of the stairs.

"I don't much like mine either," Holli shrugged.

"Too bad we don't get to choose our own titles."

"Hawke, Fenris; Herald Holli," Varric shot Holli a smirk at the hated name. "Figured you might have some friendly advice about Corypheus. You've both fought him after all."

"I didn't fight anyone," Holli said. "He just flung me around like a ragdoll."

And she'd said as much the first time she'd told everyone what went down in Haven after she'd taken off. Fenris looked her up and down like that wasn't so hard to believe.

"You did drop half a mountain on the bastard," Hawke said. "I'm sure anything I can tell you pales in comparison."

"I'm not sure why you're telling me at all," Holli looked questioningly to Varric. "Shouldn't he be speaking to Cassandra or Cullen? Leliana maybe."

"Ah, good old Cullen," Hawke said, leaning against the battlements. "He still got that stick up his arse?"

"Probably closer to a tree trunk now. But he wears it well," Varric replied. "And as for Cassandra, it's for the best these two don't meet," Varric told Holli.

Holli grinned. "What'd you do to piss her off?"

"Well, I have been credited with starting the whole mage rebellion."

Holli sat up on the battlements beside him. "Did you really though? How much of Varric's book is accurate?"

"Can't say I've read it."

"I gave you a signed copy," Varric said, feigning offence.

"I didn't intend to start the rebellion," Hawke said, ignoring Varric. "Just sort of a wrong place, wrong time type of situation."

Holli nodded, understanding. "I hear that."

"Really? You weren't the chosen of Andraste, picked for your morality, and your purity, and your youthful innocence—"

"Fucking hell, is that what people are saying?" She asked.

"Among other things," Hawke smirked, amused at her displeasure. "Quite a foul mouth for someone so touched by the Maker."

"We're getting off topic. Corypheus?" Varric reminded them.

"What is he?" Holli asked.

"A darkspawn of some kind. An ancient one," Hawke replied. "The Grey Wardens were holding him, and he somehow used his connection to the darkspawn to influence them."

"Corypheus got into their heads. Messed with their minds. Turned them against each other," Varric said.

"If the Wardens have disappeared, they could have fallen under his control again," Hawke pointed out.

Blackwall hadn't known what had happened to the Wardens, and Leliana was still looking for what information she could.

"Could they be freed from that control?" Holli asked.

"It's possible. But we need to know more first. I've got a friend in the Wardens. He was investigating something unrelated for me. His name is Stroud. The last time we spoke, he was worried about corruption in the Warden ranks. Since then, nothing."

"Corypheus would certainly qualify as corruption in the ranks," Varric said. "Did your friend disappear with them?"

"No. He told me he'd be hiding in an old smuggler's cave near Crestwood. I'll see what I can find out."

The door nearby suddenly slammed open, and there stood an irate Cassandra. "It is true!"

They all tensed, and Holli saw Fenris's hand go to the hilt of the sword on his back.

"Cassandra! Perfect timing!" Holli said brightly, slipping off the battlements and putting herself between Cassandra and the others. "Varric solved your Inquisitor problem."

Holli exaggeratedly unveiled Hawke like Cassandra didn't already know he was there. Cassandra fixed her blazing glare on Holli.

"He helped the mages, so he's got their support. And the Templars sided with him against Meredith, so they'd probably respect him too." Holli really hoped Varric's book was at least accurate about that as she spewed the first shit that came to mind. "And he's the Champion of Kirkwall; he's got leadership experience. And, bonus! He has history with Corypheus and wants him dead too."

The silence that hung over them all was suffocating. Cassandra still looked livid and about ready to murder Varric. Holli didn't know if it was a good thing or not that none of it seemed directed at Hawke.

Leliana suddenly appeared behind Cassandra, a placid smile on her face.

"Hawke," Leliana greeted. "A pleasure to see you again."

"Sister Nightingale," he greeted, more formal than he had been with Holli.

"Holli, Cole was looking for you. It sounded urgent," Leliana told her.

Holli stiffened up. "Where was he?"

She was reluctant to leave them like this, but Leliana was here and seemed more level-headed than Cassandra right now. Not that Holli knew how to defuse the situation, but she could erect a wall of fire to keep them apart.

"In the gardens last I saw."

Holli nodded, scurrying away from the tense situation, tossing out a quick 'no violence' as she passed Cassandra. It earned her a glare, and Holli just smiled back.

She hurried down to the garden, hoping Cole was still there. She wasn't sure what she expected to find. Had he been injured? What else could he deem urgent? As she rounded the corner, she smacked right into someone, losing her balance and ending up sprawled on the floor.

"Holli."

Cole's voice sounded a bit off, but otherwise he looked fine. He offered his hand down to help her up.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Not your fault, I'm the egg running through the hallways," she replied, taking his hand and letting him pull her up. "Leliana said you were looking for me."

He nodded. "You said... I could talk to you."

"Of course, any time." Was he... feeling not real? She didn't really know how that worked. "What's up?"

He glanced upwards a moment before realising what she meant. She had explained it to him before. The others had picked it up by context; Cole hadn't quite managed that.

"There are people here," he said.

"New arrivals?"

He nodded. "There is a man; he cannot walk. He's come for healing from you. He thinks... he thinks if you can't fix him, he would rather die than keep going as he is."

"He said it, or you 'heard' it?"

"'Heard' it," he replied. "Is that something you can fix, or do I end his misery?"

"Um... well, even if I can't fix it, you probably shouldn't 'end his misery' right away. Let's just see what can be done before we get all drastic with it, yeah? Is he in the infirmary?"

That was where most new arrivals who wanted healing came to. Cole nodded. She knew he had gotten a bit of a lesson about euthanising people from some of the others. While he hadn't understood it, he had agreed to seek advice before making that final decision himself at least.

"Is he very miserable?" She asked.

She wasn't sure how disability worked here or what supports were in place. But even in her world, it wasn't perfect. In some places, just downright atrocious. Then there were some places that just actively made it harder.

"He never asks for help, not in words; he doesn't want to be a burden. But his body... it's still, like a tree that can't stretch to the sky anymore. The feeling of being trapped in his own skin, of knowing his body is not his own anymore, and that no one can take it back for him." Cole looked at her then, his light blue eyes wide and guileless. "Until he heard of you. The girl who can make broken things whole again."

Holli regretted asking. Sounded like a lot of pressure.

What if she couldn't do it?

Chapter Text

They arrived at the infirmary, and Cole led her to the man. He was older, early forties maybe. He was with a woman who she assumed was his wife.

"Lady Herald," the woman gasped out upon seeing her, dropping to her hands and knees. Her husband bowed as low as he could in his chair.

"You don't have to do that," she said awkwardly. "My name's Holli."

She offered her hand to shake, both of them righting themselves and looking at her like she had grown a second head.

"This is my husband Clemens Loewe, and I'm Argeda, my lady," Argeda took her hand so gently as if she thought Holli might break.

Holli shook their hands. "It's nice to meet you. This is my friend, Cole."

When they looked confused, Holli turned to where Cole had been only to find him gone. Holli let out an embarrassed titter.

"Sorry, I didn't realise he'd gone." She shook it off, looking to Mr. Loewe as she took a seat on the bed to be at eye level with him. "Can you tell me what happened to you?"

"A riding accident, about ten years ago. I've not had the use of me lower half since. They say— they say you can heal things normal mages can't."

"Sort of," she replied. "I don't want to get your hopes up; there are some things I can't fix. I have a few questions, just to help me figure things out if that's all right."

He nodded. "Anything."

"There's no function at all from the waist down?"

He nodded.

"What about sensation? Can you feel anything, like if anyone touches you?"

He shook his head.

"What about bladder and bowel control?"

"Complete loss of control," he replied quietly, hesitantly, and with flushing cheeks.

Holli nodded. She was by no means a doctor, and what she did know was just... from reading, YouTube, the first aid courses she'd taken, and watching medical dramas mostly—which weren't always a reliable source.

"Can I have a look at your legs?" She asked gently.

He nodded, removing the blanket from his lap. He was wearing a robe of some kind, thank fuck; that would make it easier. He lifted the fabric, and she could see his muscles had atrophied. She knew that could sometimes involve bone loss as well, but she had no idea how to tell if that was the case here.

"So, honestly speaking, I've never healed a case like this before," she said. But she had regrown limbs. She didn't see why it wouldn't work on this. This was an injury, and so far she'd healed a hundred percent of the injuries she'd worked on. "But we'll take a crack at it, see if I can't manage it. I should warn you, it can be quite a painful experience if it does work. If you start thrashing about, I may have to get people to help hold you down."

They didn't have anaesthesia here; they usually used alcohol or an herbal tincture not as potent as what they had in her own world. Holli wasn't keen on the alcohol, and they didn't have the other stuff in stock. She had spoken with Stitches and Adan about anaesthesia. She knew originally they used ether gas, but she had no idea what the equivalent here would be. Adan and Stitches were trying to figure it out. They were also the only ones she had spoken to about germs. She remembered what happened to the original guy who tried to introduce the concept and was reluctant to be put through a repeat.

"I'll just get Adan to help me get you up onto the bed."

Holli signalled the man, who came over to help her out. Together they got Mr. Loewe up onto the bed, placing him on his stomach so she could get to his back.

She shifted the fabric so she had access to his back, placing her hands upon it. She could feel the damage, a wrongness that didn't belong in the tissue making up the spinal cord. While she had healed nervous tissue before, it was nothing of this scale or this old.

It was more difficult to work her magic into him, into these broken parts of him. They felt they had done their healing; there was nothing left to fix.

She poured her magic into it though, forced it, restoring those broken connections, burning away the sub par healed tissue and fixing it the right way. She could almost feel it, cell by cell, see it.

She was vaguely aware of pained groaning and grunting, but it sounded so far removed from her she could barely hear it. Her vision tunnelled, the groaning and grunting became screams, but still so far away it didn't bother her. There was so much to be done, so much to be put right.

She could see a heartbeat in her eyes; was it hers or his? The pumping of blood, the whoosh of it in her ears.

She thought she could hear her name being called at one point, but it was so difficult to hear over the heartbeat. Then there was a snap, and the heartbeat stopped.

-

The infirmary was in chaos as Holli stood over a man on the bed. Solas had heard the screaming, visceral and soul-chilling, echoing about the castle halls. He had come running, ready for trouble. And by the crowd also making their way through the halls, he wasn't the only one. He had not been expecting to find Holli in the midst of healing a man, the source of the screams. Holli had seemed to be entranced, oblivious to everything around her. The power in the room, emanating off her, it was immense.

There was a woman sobbing in the corner; Adan was standing nearby, looking pale and shaken. And the man was still screaming.

Solas had watched her heal people before, but it had never gone like this. It had always been painful for the patient, but this was well beyond that.

Solas reached out to touch Holli's shoulder, pull her from this trance, but Cole was suddenly there and stopped him.

"Her magic, it won't let you. She can't hear us or see us. Just... burn away the damage, grow it again new, cell by cell, atom by atom. What are atoms?"

The man doing all the screaming mercifully passed out, silence engulfing the room. Holli continued her work, though, the ebb and flow of her magic didn't cease. Then the blood started dripping out of her—her ears, her nose, her eyes.

"Holli!" Solas called, reaching out again but mindful of getting too close. He wanted to get a sense of what magic she was using to protect herself.

Vivienne and Dorian arrived, coming to stand beside him.

"What in the Maker's name is going on?" Vivienne asked.

"Holli is healing him," Cole replied, completely unperturbed.

"And it seems to be going swell," Dorian noted.

"I've never seen it get like this before," Solas said. "We need to stop this. I don't think she is in control."

"Really?" Vivienne said, sarcasm oozing out of her.

"At least the screaming's stopped," Dorian said. "I take it there's a reason we haven't just pulled her away and snapped her out of it?"

Cole demonstrated, reaching out to touch her and being zapped for the effort.

"He looks well enough; why hasn't she stopped on her own?"

"The damage is inside," Cole told them. "So much to do, so much wrong, so much to fix. She's lost in her head again. She doesn't know what's happening out here."

"She is depleting herself," Solas said. He could feel it. "A little more and I should be able to intervene."

It was not the ideal way to handle it, but in his weakened state he was no match for her.

Cullen and Cassandra entered the room, demanding answers. It seemed everyone was talking about the unholy shrieks that had been coming from the infirmary. The mages explained what was going on.

"Get a templar in here," Cullen said. "We have plenty of them."

"No!" Solas hadn't raised his voice, but his tone brooked no argument, and the look he shot the Commander was loaded with dark promise should the other man attempt it. "A few more moments."

Sure enough, Solas could feel a weakness to exploit as she no longer had the power to maintain both the healing and whatever protective barrier she had somehow erected. What she had done was dangerous; he could guess at some of the repercussions of this. Her magic being depleted was just one of them.

With his own magic, he forcefully separated her from the man, and once that connection was severed, she just crumpled. Solas caught her before she hit the ground, placing her on one of the other beds to check her over. Adan and Vivienne tended to the man.

She had used far too much of her magic; it had started eating into her life force, causing damage to her own body. Nothing that couldn't heal over time, but he would recommend she not use her magic for a few days at least.

He didn't like this, that she could do something so dangerous while they were powerless to stop her. He should be a match for her; he should be able to overpower her, and easily, as strong in magic as she was.

Behind him he could hear the dying sobs of the woman who'd been in the corner watching in horror. Vivienne was apologising on behalf of Holli, but the woman tried to dismiss it.

"She did say it would hurt; it was just... shocking to see how much. But does this mean he's cured?"

Solas turned to watch the exchange.

"What was wrong with him?" Dorian asked.

"He's paralysed, can't move or feel his legs. It was a riding accident years ago."

Solas looked back down at Holli. He'd not warned her about attempting to heal old injuries; perhaps he should have. The body considered them healed, and that was that. But then, it had been widely believed one couldn't regrow limbs either. He had to admit, if anyone could manage it, it would likely be her. But she should not have attempted it without supervision. They would need to conceive some safeguards so something like this couldn't happen again.

Solas healed what he could of her, and then Cole was on hand with a bowl of water and a cloth, gently cleaning the blood from her face.

When he was done, he effortlessly and quite tenderly picked her up.

"What are you doing?" Solas asked.

"Taking her to her room. She likes it the most. She won't like to wake up here."

Solas nodded; that should be fine. He would check on her from time to time.

"She'll be all right?" He asked.

"She'll be fine, Cole, just take her back to her room and see she is comfortable."

Cole nodded and headed out with her. Adan would see to Holli's patient, and the rest of them filed out.

"Do you suppose it worked?" Dorian asked. "Could she truly have cured him?"

"I know she is quite the gifted healer, but I have my doubts even she could manage that," Vivienne said.

Solas kept his silence. He wasn't sure either way, and there would be no way to know until the man awoke. And when Holli woke, they would need to have another talk.

Chapter Text

Holli groaned as she rolled over, her stomach flipping and twisting. She managed to swallow down the bile that came up, letting out a disgusted grunt at the taste it left. Why did she feel like such shit?

Opening her eyes, she looked around. She was in her room, the little office in the back of the castle. From the light through the lone window, it was daytime, afternoon maybe. Why was she in bed?

Before she could try and work it out, another wave of nausea hit, and she sat up, hoping to puke anywhere that wasn't her blankets. Suddenly a bowl was shoved in front of her, and she threw up into that. Her hair was pulled back so it didn't get in her way. She was too busy emptying her stomach to see who it was, but she was grateful.

Even when there was nothing left in her, her stomach still kept trying to eject nothing. Eventually it calmed, and the room was quiet a moment. She wiped off her mouth, setting the bowl aside. Her hair fell back around her shoulders, and she looked back to see Cole a little behind her.

"Solas said you would feel bad when you woke," he told her.

Why did she feel bad? Holli had never been drunk before, but from what she'd seen of her classmates and on TV, she imagined this was what a hangover would feel like. But she didn't drink. At least not to the point of blackout drunk.

"What happened?" She asked.

"You were healing that man yesterday. Don't you remember?"

That's right, the paraplegic! "Did it work? Is he all better?"

Cole shook his head. "But he improved."

Holli shot him a questioning look.

"He can feel in his legs now, a little bit."

Holli used the desk to pull herself up, closing her eyes as a wave of dizziness hit.

"You're supposed to stay in bed," Cole told her.

"Says who?"

"I said it," Solas said, slipping into the room on silent feet. "Will you excuse us, Cole?"

Cole nodded, then gave Holli a nod in what she thought might have been a bye. Holli looked to Solas.

"Bloody hell, am I in trouble again?"

"No," he replied, faintly amused. "But please sit down. You shouldn't be up."

Holli dropped into the desk chair, a little relieved to be off her feet, though she'd never admit it out loud.

Solas came around the side of the desk, leaning against it, legs crossed at the ankles and arms folded across his chest. He didn't look mad at least.

"Mr. Loewe must be gutted I failed," she muttered.

"Quite the opposite. He's regained some sensation in his legs and the ability to control his bowels and bladder. And I would not call that a failure."

"So if I were to try again, I could finish the job?"

"And that is what we need to discuss."

"I thought I wasn't in trouble."

He tilted his head curiously a moment. "A discussion is not the same as a scolding, Holli."

Every 'discussion' she'd ever had had been because she was in trouble. While she knew the definition of the word, 'discussion' was just a code word for scolding or lecture and more often than not resulted in an argument.

"Okay, let's say you're right. What are we discussing then?"

"What happened yesterday. Do you remember much?"

"Not really. I remember talking to him, getting him on the bed, and then I started healing him, I think. Or trying anyway. Gets a bit fuzzy after that."

"Do you recall I told you that if a mage uses too much of their magic, they'll start drawing from their own life?"

She nodded.

"You started doing that yesterday. You did not appear to be in your right mind or in control. It was as if you were in a trance. And when we tried to intervene, you had erected a barrier to stop us from being able to do so."

"Why would I do that?"

She didn't remember doing that, or even thinking about doing that.

"It's not the first time your magic has acted on some unconscious desire of yours. It is possible a stray thought about not wanting to be interrupted could have spurred it to action. If you cannot remember, then we'll never know. But regardless of why it happened, it was dangerous. We need some kind of safeguard in place for next time. And I recommend not using your magic for a few days; let it, and yourself, recover."

Holli nodded. "Is that why I feel so crappy? I started eating into my... life? Does that mean I've, like, shortened my life span?"

"No, not at all. It merely means you risked killing yourself if you went much further."

"Okay, cool," she breathed out. "How do I stop it from happening again?"

"As a start, more complex cases like this should be done with supervision. Either Vivienne, Dorian, or myself would be ideal."

"So, a mage."

He nodded. "We'll need to implement ways to keep you safe should this happen again. The three of us are figuring it out."

"This must happen a lot though, with students at these circles they force mages into? Maybe they have information that can help."

"Vivienne spent a fair portion of her life in a circle, and while bouts of uncontrolled magic happened, there were templars to intervene. I would rather avoid that with you if we can. The way in which they shut down magic is, well, it can be rather brutal. If we must go that route, it will be a last resort."

"So it'll be a while before I can try healing Mr. Loewe again."

Solas nodded. "On that note. Healing an injury that has already healed is usually ineffective. I'm surprised you managed what you did."

"It felt different," she agreed.

"It's not supposed to feel different. It's not supposed to work at all."

"Cassandra told me people are saying I perform miracles of healing," she looked to him, almost imploringly. "But I can't be the first, surely. There have to be other mages who can do this, those that specialise in healing. Or what about in the Fade memories you see? There must have been others in the past."

"There was one that I know of," he admitted. It wasn't something he had seen in the Fade. It was something he had witnessed firsthand. A... friend of his, from thousands of years ago. From... before. "There was an elven mage; he regrew a lost finger. It took everything in him to do it; his magic was depleted for days, and the process had taken hours. As far as I know, he never performed such a feat again."

He had vanished, presumed killed in battle years later. Nothing left of him to cremate.

"He was a great mage?" She asked.

"Very powerful, yes. This was from before the fall of Arlathan. I am unsure what fate ultimately befell him." Solas stood up, making to leave. "Rest, da'len."

-

Holli obeyed Solas, for the most part, about giving both her body and her magic a rest. The only slip was when she'd seen Varric. Cassandra had clocked him good after the whole Hawke thing. Holli had healed the black eye. She could hardly blame him; he was trying to protect his friend.

Hawke did agree to become Inquisitor. They had even held a ceremony for it, and now most people were partying it up and getting drunk.

There was a bit of an uneasiness; the last time they had celebrated something, Corypheus had attacked. While most believed he wouldn't try again—after all, he couldn't take the anchor from Holli, and Skyhold was much more defensible than Haven had been—there was still that sliver of fear he might.

Josephine had done well in organising the event, inviting nobles and merchants from both Orlais and Ferelden, getting the great hall decorated, and enough food to feed everyone. At the last minute, Holli had been informed she would be participating in this thing. She'd had to hand over the sword—some kind of symbol of his new position. And apparently her doing it was supposed to signify her approval of the appointment, as she was the Herald of Andraste. If she was chosen by Andraste, and Hawke was welcomed by the chosen of Andraste... It was ridiculous to her, but she understood it. Optics.

Josephine had shoved her into a pretty dress and Hawke into a fine doublet and breeches, even matching their clothes together to add to that unified front.

She had felt like she was knighting him, which was pretty cool. It still blew her away at times, that this was her life now. Sometimes she wanted to rail against it, deny it was true. And other times she was just amazed by it.

Although she was still researching, trying to figure out a way home, she could admit that she was going to miss the people here.

From her place lingering on the sidelines, she could see Varric speaking with Hawke and Fenris in front of the fireplace. Varric and Hawke were grinning, drinking. Fenris stood beside them, almost as if he was on guard. While she had spoken with Hawke a few times in the days he'd been here, she hadn't had much to do with Fenris. He was mostly quiet. She figured he was one of those difficult-to-crack people. But it was clear he loved Hawke.

Sera was sitting at one of the tables, surprisingly with some of the nobility. Maybe not so surprisingly. She seemed to be playing some kind of betting game and making some money out of them. They probably had plenty to spare.

Bull was there, at a table with his Chargers, the rowdiest table of the bunch. And nearby, Josephine didn't look happy about it. Cullen had been here, but he'd left, claiming work responsibilities. She didn't know where Leliana was, but she was no doubt lingering nearby in case of trouble.

Holli shifted uncomfortably in the dress. It was pretty, but the inside was a bit scratchy. She had never been one for dresses, but she had already picked out her dress for the formal at the end of the school year. It was one of the reasons she had gotten a part-time job, so she could buy it. No way could she rely on her mum to do it. But what Josephine had put her in today was more... renaissance faire than school formal.

"Bored already?" Dorian sidled up beside her, goblet of wine in his hand.

"Little bit," she replied. "You too? You're here talking to me."

"Not at all. I did notice you standing apart. There are a fair few people here who want to speak with you."

"I know, I'm trying to avoid them. Especially if you're talking about Lord Farquaad over there."

"I believe his name is Lord Orville Abiate," Dorian corrected.

Yes, but he looked like Lord Farquaad. Man, she wished her phone worked so she could show him a picture. If she could, she'd make the entire Inquisition watch the movie.

"He is a bit dull though, isn't he?"

"He talks to me like I'm stupid while staring at my chest. At first I thought it was because he was so... vertically challenged."

Dorian snorted amusement at that, right into his cup.

"But even when I sat down, he kept staring. I don't even have much to look at."

Dorian conceded that point. She certainly wasn't spilling out of her dress like some of the other ladies in attendance.

"Best to keep your distance from him then. He comes near you; find a safe adult."

Holli shot him a look, half amused, half unimpressed. "I could take him."

"Of that I've no doubt," he said. Especially if she were using magic to do so. "But think of the others who would love nothing more than to at least get a punch in."

Holli huffed a little laugh.

"Come, dearest, let's mingle. Introduce me to the new Inquisitor; I've yet to meet him but heard such tales."

"From Varric's book?"

"Among other places."

Dorian offered his arm, and Holli took it, walking with him over to Hawke, Varric, and Fenris. Fenris was the first to notice them, Hawke noticing his notice.

"Holli Herald," Hawke greeted jovially.

"Rebellion Inciter," Holli greeted in turn, a sickly sweet smile on her face.

Hawke just laughed it off.

"This is Dorian," Holli introduced. "Dorian, Hawke, and Fenris."

"A pleasure," Dorian said, giving off a flamboyant bow.

"Sparkler here managed to beat Corypheus to Haven just in time to warn us," Varric said.

"Not that it did much good," Dorian added.

"You saved a bunch of people at the gates," Holli pointed out.

"I did do that, didn't I?"

Holli slipped away as they launched into conversation about the attack that day. It wasn't a day she liked thinking about, given it was the first time she had used her magic to kill someone. He hadn't been a monster like the red templars she'd set on fire at Therinfal. It had been in defence of herself and Adan, but it was a memory she preferred to repress.

As she returned to her out-of-the-way spot, she felt a presence beside her and instantly knew it was Cole. She turned to look at him, offering a smile.

"Hi, Cole," she greeted.

He nodded, his eyes scanning the Great Hall.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

He opened his mouth to speak, but it was like he couldn't find the words. His eyes scanned the crowd gathered.

"Hardly anyone here says what they mean," he finally manages. "So many lies in one room."

"Is anyone planning to hurt anyone?" She asked quietly.

He shook his head. "But they wish harm."

"On who?"

"Some on you. Some on Inquisitor Hawke. There is a man who wishes to tie Cullen to a bed and whip him."

Holli let out a low laugh. "Is it that man? With the big green feather in his weird-looking hat?"

Cole nodded.

"Yeah, that's not so much harm as... the man's got a crush or something on Cullen."

"Crush?"

What would they call it here? "Has the hots for? Fancies him? Wants to slob his knob?"

"Fancies him. Like Cassandra's novels."

This perked Holli's interest. "What novels?"

"'Her breath caught in her throat as he closed the distance between them. His strong hands cupped her face, his thumbs tracing the delicate line of her jaw. She leaned into his touch, her eyes fluttering shut as his thumbs brushed against the sensitive skin of her neck, sending shivers of pleasure through her.'"

"No freaking way," she hissed, grabbing Cole's shoulders with a wide grin on her face. "That's Swords and Shields! Cassandra reads them?"

Holli had read them back in Haven, practice as she learnt to read the language of this place. Varric's novels were surprisingly smutty.

Cole nodded in answer to her question.

"Oh my God, I love it," she laughed, letting Cole go. Then she remembered why they were talking. "But back to you. Do the lies bother you?"

"They're sharp. Something that cuts like glass in them," he explained.

Holli nodded her understanding. She wasn't sure she would like to be able to read minds the way Cole experienced it. He didn't seem to just hear; he felt as well.

She offered her hand to him. "Shall we go for a walk?"

Cole stared at it a moment before taking it with a nod.

Chapter Text

Holli strolled along the battlements with Cole; he was still holding her hand and also staring at it. At both their hands. She had loosened her grip to let go, but he'd only tightened his own. She wasn't sure about him; he was hard to read. He certainly wasn't a typical teenage boy, so applying what she knew of them to him didn't work.

"We can let go if it's weirding you out," she said.

He shook his head. "Your hand is soft, and warm."

"... Thanks. I use it to grab stuff with..."

She wasn't sure what to say to that. If he'd been a boy from her school, she might have thought he'd wanted to hold her hand because he was interested in her. But with Cole, she couldn't really guess at the motivation. It really could have just been as simple as her hand was soft and warm. She didn't think he had much guile. Or lied at all. As far as an interest in the opposite sex, she wasn't sure he was capable of that either. Which was a bummer; he was cute.

Holli had held hands with her boyfriend plenty of times, but those first few had always set butterflies off in her stomach. He had dumped her a few months later for another girl in their class; she had been devastated. He had been her first kiss. She had been so... ugh, after that. So self-conscious. Had she not been pretty enough? Not been affectionate enough? Not been... sexual enough? He had wanted to move faster than she had. She couldn't say why she was so reluctant.

The door on the tower nearby creaked open, and Cullen stood there, his eyes fixing on them in surprise. Then on their clasped hands. Holli shook her head, letting him know it wasn't what he was thinking.

"What are you two doing out here? It's freezing. Get inside," he ordered, gesturing for them to get into his office.

"What were you doing outside?" Holli asked as she passed by him.

"Fresh air," he replied. "Have a seat. I just had tea brought in."

The pair sat down on the chairs at his desk while he scrounged up a couple of extra cups. He poured a cup for Holli and then looked to Cole questioningly.

"Do you drink, Cole?"

"I can. But I don't need to."

"Like, at all?" She asked. "You won't die of dehydration?"

He shook his head.

"Don't want to eat just because things taste nice?"

"I haven't... tried much."

"Would you like to try some tea?" Cullen asked.

Cole looked at Holli, who was taking a sip of her own, and after a few moments, he nodded. Cullen poured him the tea and refilled his own cup.

"Why aren't you two in the Great Hall?" He asked.

"Getting away from the people," Holli replied.

Cullen could agree with the reasoning.

"How come you're holed away up here instead of celebrating your new boss?"

Cullen scoffed at the mention of his boss. He had no problem with the appointment, beyond the smartassery he was likely to receive from the man. He wasn't sure how Hawke was going to be received by some parts of the Inquisition. And the world at large.

"I have little time for celebration."

"Maybe you should make time. You need to loosen up," Holli told him.

"There is a man who would like to slob your knob," Cole told him, like it was a good thing.

Holli choked into her cup, splashing tea on her face and hand. Fuck, it burned. Cullens piercing gaze shot to her once the words sunk in.

"I wonder where he picked up that phrase."

Holli's eyes wandered anywhere but him. "Hmm, mystery, guess we'll never know," she muttered blithely. Cullen just stared. "Okay fine, but in my defence, I didn't know he was going to repeat it. And it was taken out of context."

Cullen folded his hands on the desk in front of them, sitting up straighter and reminding her far too much of a stern principal.

"Oh? What context would make that acceptable?"

"What context would you accept?" She asked, a hint of humour in her voice, but eyes wide and innocent.

"There isn't one," Cole leaned over slightly and whispered to her.

Holli tried to restrain her smile and could see a faint twinkle of amusement in Cullen's eyes as well.

"Thanks for the heads up," Holli whispered back.

"Finish your tea and off to bed with the pair of you," Cullen huffed, returning to the work he had in front of him.

"I don't sleep," Cole said.

"Aw, that must be an awesome power to have," Holli sighed out.

"I rather envy it myself," Cullen added.

"Maybe we could help you with your work," Holli offered.

He looked as if he was about to argue it before a thought must have occurred to him. "I'll turn it down tonight. But if you're serious, come back tomorrow, and I'll show you what to do. I could use an assistant or ten. So long as you're not needed in the infirmary."

"I'm still banned from using my magic," Holli told him.

Though she was learning how to treat people without the use of magic and had been trying to help Adan and Stitches come up with an anaesthetic, they were waiting for supplies to be delivered. Skyhold wasn't exactly easily accessible. But Josephine was intending to turn it into some kind of trading hub.

When she and Cole finished their tea, they bid Cullen goodnight, and he returned it, telling Cole to see Holli back to her room. A gentleman escorts a lady home. Cole absorbed the words with that serious expression of his, like he'd been charged with an important duty.

When they left Cullen's office, Cole took her hand again. It was cute. She warned herself not to read too much into it, but that didn't stop the faint fluttering in her stomach...

-

Holli spent a couple of days helping Cullen with his work; it wasn't too difficult; there was just so much of it. She could see why he was drowning in it, as well as trying to carry out his duties as an advisor and Commander of their army.

Now that she knew the written language, she could read it just as quickly as her native English and retain all the information she gleaned from it. Cullen could ask her a question, and she could answer it perfectly without even having to pull the report. He'd learnt to start trusting her answers after the first couple dozen times. By then she'd proven her perfect recall.

But after those couple of days, they were heading out. Hawke was taking them to Crestwood. Holli was coming along because they did have reports of rifts out there. Solas was confident that Holli would be sufficiently recovered to use her magic by the time they got there.

Cassandra had been sent back to the Crossroads with Iron Bull, Dorian, and Sera to see about getting those horses. The way to the Horsemaster was clear, and the horses had become a priority again.

Hawke was taking the rest with him. He expected they would be splitting up at some point—Holli touring around to close rifts in the area with enough people about to protect her, while he took the others to find Stroud.

Holli waited patiently at the gate for the rest of them. She had been in to speak with Mr. Loewe to let him know that when she returned from Crestwood, they would try again. He was clearly disappointed, but he tried to keep it to himself.

After that conversation, she headed outside to meet up with the others. It was a sunny day, of course still far too cold. It had somehow gotten out about her dislike of the cold, and she had found people making things for her. Hats, scarves, mittens, warm coats and cloaks, and boots. She was amassing quite a wardrobe, and she had no idea who it was all coming from since they were left like offerings for her outside of her room. She'd never actually found anyone doing the leaving. She did wonder if this sudden widespread knowledge of her dislike had something to do with Cole, but he had assured her it didn't. Still, she was grateful to everyone for the warm layers, given she'd lost a lot of her clothes in Haven.

Hawke and Fenris joined them, the last of the group to arrive. Hawke had dark circles under his eyes; most could be forgiven for thinking he was getting a jump start on his Inquisitorial duties with a few late nights. But mostly he stayed up late getting on the piss with Varric, the Chargers, and anyone else who happened to be nearby—much to Cassandra's disgust.

"Are we all ready?" Hawke asked.

Fenris shot him a look, a subtle way to call him on his bullshit, and Holli couldn't help the quiet snicker that escaped her.

She was a little keen to be back on the road again. Before the attack, they had done quite a bit of travelling. She complained about it, but the absence of it had grown stale after a little while.

The group made their way out of the gates, heading across the stone bridge. Almost immediately Holli was hit by a blast of arctic wind and tried to brace herself against it. Having Bull around to block it would have been nice. She manoeuvred her way around the others until she could use the group to block the wind.

She found herself walking beside Cole, doing a double take.

"Oh my God, Cole," she said. "That coat is fucking mint."

She hadn't seen him wear it before. It was obviously leather and very post-apocalyptic wasteland. She loved it.

"Mint?" He asked.

"Like, super cool. Awesome."

"Ah." He smiled at her then, just looking genuinely chuffed, and she couldn't help but return it.

Once they were over the bridge and a little more sheltered by the mountains and cliffs, she didn't feel so much like the weather was trying to assault her.

As they followed the well-worn roads, they came across groups of people. Varric would stop and talk with them; most of them were headed to Skyhold. They would have to be; there wasn't much else around here.

Sudden screaming had them all running towards the sound. All the rifts in this area were closed, she was sure. It shouldn't be demons.

When they rounded the bend, they found it was... people. People attacking people. Holli froze. She hadn't seen much of that since coming here. They weren't red templars or corrupted and brainwashed. They weren't the mages and templars fighting. It was people attacking a defenceless caravan. There were children!

While Holli had frozen, the others hadn't, charging in. Solas had been training her to fight. She had to help; she could help. She didn't want to attack people, but she could defend the victims.

Their band of merry men was outnumbered by the attackers, so Holli set to protecting people. She stuck to shields, keeping those cowering or trying to hide shielded with her magic. It was difficult, using her magic again. It hadn't fully recovered, and she'd had quite a break from using it.

There were injured; she could see a little girl crying over the body of a woman. Her mother? There was blood in the snow, bright red against the stark white.

Holli ran over, so focused on getting to the child and the—hopefully just injured—woman that she didn't see the man charging at her, sword mid-swing. It wasn't until Cole suddenly appeared, blocking the blow, that she noticed him. Cole moved quick, shucking the man's sword off his own blades before gracefully twirling about and cutting him right across the jugular. It was almost Tarantino-like the way the blood splurted out. Cole looked at her, splatter across his face and snazzy coat. His eyes darted to where she had been headed, and it was like she crashed back into herself, remembering her task. She started running again, sliding on the snow as she dropped to her knees opposite the little girl who was just sobbing.

"Hi," Holli breathed out, turning the woman over.

She was unconscious or dead. Holli pulled off her mittens with her teeth, dropping them beside her, and searched for her pulse point, relief flooding her as she felt one. It was weak and thready. Holli searched her body, looking for the wound; the woman was covered in blood. When Holli found it, she rested her hands over it, healing the deep gash in her abdomen. All the while, the girl was wailing.

Holli healed the wound, scrunching her nose up at the scar left behind. She needed to figure out how to fix that.

It occurred to her moments later how ridiculous a thought that was given the circumstances.

The woman didn't wake, but Holli didn't expect her to. The healing process took a toll on the patient too. Holli rested her hand on the little girl's shoulder.

"This your mum?"

The girl nodded, sniffing.

"She's all better now. She'll wake up later, good as new. Are you hurt anywhere?"

The girl shook her head.

"Hide under the wagon," Holli told her. It wouldn't be moving anywhere; the druffalo pulling it was dead. The girl obeyed and even tried to help Holli drag her mother under there.

Holli turned around, feeling a little lightheaded. That didn't usually happen. Looking around, she could see the others were whittling their attackers numbers down. Hawke and Fenris were beasts in battle and so in sync with each other. She felt a churning in her stomach, though, at the sight of the blood, bone, and viscera, the stench of blood and death in the air. She still remembered the sound of the man she'd exploded in Haven, that wet smack as pieces of him hit the ground...

Focus.

Her eyes scanned the area for any other injured. There was a man who was clutching his side; he was sitting on the ground and leaning against a rock. Holli was reluctant to leave the little girl but hoped no one had seen them get under there. Holli kept low as she ran to the man, falling over as an arrow shot into the ground just inches from her foot. When she looked up to see where it had come from, the archer was taken out by Fenris, who shot her a warning look. Warning her of what she didn't know, but she carried on running, dropping beside patient number two.

"Let me see," she ordered.

It was easier to focus on the injuries in front of her than the carnage going on around her.

"Y-you're the Herald," he stammered, his eyes fixed on her glowing hand.

"You were due for some luck," she grinned, though it probably came out more of a grimace.

She healed the wound; it wasn't as bad as the lady from before. He grit his teeth and groaned through it. When he opened his eyes, they went wide with fear. Before Holli could turn to see what he was looking at, she felt her hair being pulled, letting out a cry as she was dragged across the ground by it. She kicked herself across with him, trying to reduce the pull. Her hands scrabbled at his own clutching her hair, only to find metal, no flesh to claw at.

He was suddenly blasted off his feet, letting go of her hair. Holli dropped back before sitting up, Solas suddenly at her side and pulling her to her feet. He kept a firm hand on her arm as he started firing off spell after spell. Holli tried not to watch the fighting, instead locating more injured to be healed. Solas wasn't letting her go, though; he'd probably noticed how many times she'd come close to being hurt while darting about trying to fix people.

When the fight finally ended, Holli looked up to Solas, tugging him a bit. He stared down at her, concern in his eyes.

"Be careful," he warned. "You're still recovering."

"I will."

He stayed close as she found people in need of healing. She found another unconscious person, kneeling down beside him. She looked for a pulse, finding nothing. His body was still warm. Maybe if...

She found the wound, resting her hands over it. Solas's own hands suddenly closed around hers as he crouched opposite her on the other side of the body.

"He's gone, Holli. Do not even attempt this," he said, his voice low.

"But what if it works?" She whispered.

"If it did, the cost would be far too high, and there is no telling what exactly it would be. You cannot save everyone. Even as a doctor in your own world, surely that is a reality you must accept."

Holli stared up at him, debating whether or not to argue, to attempt it anyway. It was a reality in her own world. But that was before magic.

But Solas was right. If healing an old injury caused so much pain and problems, what would resurrecting someone take? If it even worked in the first place.

"Okay, Solas," she murmured.

"There are others who need your help," he said, pulling her up after him and ushering her on.

Holli cast one last look at the dead man, letting Solas lead her away.

Chapter Text

The rest of their journey to Crestwood passed without incident. A couple of rifts on the way but nothing too difficult between the lot of them.

Holli kept to herself for the most part, still a little unnerved by the fight the other day. She wasn't sure why it affected her so much. She had seen dead children before, back at the Crossroads months ago. It hadn't been any easier to see it now, but it hadn't come with the same vomit-inducing shock. How close she had been to the fight itself, maybe? After being dragged across the ground by her hair, her scalp had throbbed painfully for a couple of hours. Or maybe it was how now that she had the power and the training to help, she hadn't been able to. She had let the others fight for her once again. Maybe she was just a coward.

A bowl of stew appeared before her and snapped her out of her daze, she softly thanked Solas.

The elf settled down on the ground beside her, eyeing her curiously.

"What is it?" He finally asked.

"What is what?" She asked back.

"You've been more withdrawn than usual. It is obvious something is bothering you. I'd hoped you'd bring it up in time, but clearly not."

Holli looked around to make sure no one else was listening. She didn't want to talk about it, but Solas did have a way of making her feel better about things most of the time.

"That fight? Not far out of Skyhold?"

He nodded. "What of it?"

"You've been training me to fight, and when it came time to, I just... didn't. I'm sorry."

"I did not train you to join us, Holli. I trained you so you would be able to defend yourself should we not be there, to give yourself a better chance. And your training is far from complete. No one expects you to suddenly charge into battle alongside us. You're being too hard on yourself."

She wasn't sure she believed that last part.

"Besides, making the injured a priority isn't a bad thing. But a bit more awareness during a battle is definitely called for. And you managed just fine against the demons we encountered at those rifts."

"I couldn't... bring myself to direct my magic at people. I know they were bad, I just..."

He rested a hand on her shoulder. "That is understandable. The only time you have has been when your life was directly threatened. And you have far more control now. It may not always react on its own to save you, nor is that something you should rely on. Truly, Holli, I'm not trying to turn you into a battlemage. I just want you to be able to defend yourself."

"Do you think I could be a battlemage if I wanted?"

"If you wanted. I'm just not sure you'd want to. You're a natural healer; hurting people—killing them—isn't easy on the best of us. I suspect it's much harder for someone who wants to help and heal."

She nodded. "I don't think I like fighting."

"And so long as I'm around, I'll try to make sure you don't have to," he assured her.

"Can I help?" Cole asked, suddenly sitting cross legged behind them.

Had he always been there and just suddenly made himself visible, or did he only just materialise?

"How much did you hear?" Holli asked.

"All of it. You don't have to fight. We can fight. And you can heal. There are more fighters than healers and people like being alive and unhurt."

Holli tried to fight down the amused smile but it was a bit of a losing battle. Yes, most people did like being alive and unhurt.

"Okay. Thanks, Cole. Thanks, Solas."

-

When they arrived in Crestwood, it was a dark and rainy evening. Not ideal. Scout Harding was already there along with a few other Inquisition members.

"Inquisitor, Lady Herald, good to see you both safe," she greeted.

Holli gave a small smile and a wave.

"Scout Harding, right?" Hawke asked.

The dwarf nodded.

"We've got trouble ahead," Harding told them, nodding in the direction of the stone wall over looking a vast lake.

Across the dark waters they could see the bright green glow of a rift. Under the water. Mother fucker...

"Crestwood was the site of a flood ten years ago during the Blight," Harding explained. "It's not the only rift in the area, but after it appeared, corpses started walking out of the lake."

"Dammit," Hawke muttered. "We'll have to fight through them to get to Stroud's cave. Have any undead attacked the camp?"

"We've had a few shamblers, but most head towards the village below. Maybe someone in Crestwood can tell you how to get to the rift in the lake. Maker knows they'll want help. Good luck, and please be safe."

The group started to make their way around to the village, all the while one eye kept on that ominous glow in the distance.

"There must be a way to get to the rift in the lake," Hawke mused.

"Maybe the locals will lend us a boat," Varric said.

"I'm guessing wet suits and oxygen tanks aren't a thing here?" Holli asked.

"Never heard of them," Hawke said, looking back at her. "You know, when they told me, I wasn't sure about this other world story. Seemed a bit ridiculous really. But the more time I spend around you, the more I'm starting to believe it."

Holli pursed her lips and gave him a thumbs up, not sure what to do with that.

"What's your world like?"

"Shitty. Our planet is dying, and the people killing it don't care as long as they keep getting richer. The worlds richest one per cent own more wealth than ninety five percent of the worlds population combined. But technologically, medically, hygeinically - way better than this place. We don't have magic though. Or elves."

"What about dwarves?" Hawke asked.

"Sort of?"

"What does that mean?"

"They're not like the dwarves here; it's not a race. They're just born out of regular people; it's just called dwarfism—skeletal dysplasia—and it's a thing that can just... happen."

"It's a deformity?" Hawke asked, a mix of surprise and amusement as he shot a look at Varric.

"Laugh it up," Varric said with a roll of his eyes.

"I don't think we're allowed to call it a deformity," Holli told him.

Their conversation came to a halt as they topped the rise, finding rotted corpses attacking some soldiers. The warriors were holding their own, and when Hawke and the others joined in, they made short work of the creatures.

Hawke approached the two men in matching armour.

"What are Grey Wardens doing in Crestwood?" Hawke asked.

"A Warden named Stroud is wanted for questioning," one of them replied. "We heard he'd passed through here, but the villagers knew nothing. They have troubles enough."

"What do you know about this rogue Warden?" Holli could admit Hawke did a good job faking concern at the prospect of a rogue warden.

"Warden-Commander Clarel ordered his capture. I can say no more than that. I hope Ser Stroud comes with us peacefully. I trained under him for a time. He's a good man, I'm sure of that."

Hawke nodded. "Well, we won't keep you."

They bid each other goodbye, and their group carried on to the village. When they reached the gates, they were closed as undead were attacking it. Bodies were scattered across the area, some fresh, others obviously what was left of the attacking undead.

"Holli, find any survivors about here and help them," Hawke told her.

Holli nodded, a little glad she wasn't being told to just stay back and do nothing. While the others charged in, Cole stayed beside her.

"Aren't you going with them?" She asked.

He shook his head, his wide brimmed hat keeping his face out of the rain. She was a little jealous. But she didn't have the bone structure for hats like that. Shaking off the absurd thought, she started looking for anyone who might still be alive. Cole kept close, defending her when need be. She managed to find a few people who weren't dead. Most of them were unconscious though, and healing them didn't automatically wake them. Those conscious did help keep their compatriots safe while she kept on healing. She liked how they just... accepted they were well enough to get back to it and then got stuck in either fighting or helping. There had been a couple of exclamations of 'the Herald of Andraste!' but beyond that, they were mostly quiet, just doing what needed to be done.

When things went quiet, the gates were opened, and they were let inside. Soldiers came out to gather their dead and seek out more wounded, but Hawke called Holli to his side.

"You can help the rest later; stay close for now," he told her.

Holli nodded, hesitantly looking back at the people left behind. She hoped she'd already saved those who could be saved.

The villagers directed them up to the mayor who was taking shelter from both the rain and the undead in his home.

"Who are you?" He demanded as Hawke opened the door and walked right in. When he saw Holli's hand his eyes widened. "The Herald of Andraste..." Then he looked to Hawke. "You must be the Inquisitor!" He hurriedly bowed. "Mayor Dedrick of Crestwood village. At your service, despite everything. Are you... here to stop the undead?"

"The undead are appearing because of a rift in the Fade, in the lake. How can I get to it?" Hawke asked.

"The light in the lake? It's coming from the caves below Old Crestwood. Darkspawn flooded it ten years ago during the Blight. It wiped out the village, killing the refugees we took in."

"I saw a dam. If we use it to drain the lake, I can get this one to that Fade rift," Hawke said.

"Drain the- There must be some other way!" He protested.

"Do you want that rift closed or not?" Hawke sighed.

The mayor seemed hesitant. "You'd have to evict the bandits in the old fort to use the dam. I can't ask you to risk your life, or that of a childs."

Holli shot him a look for that. She was fifteen! Probably sixteen by now. For fucks sake.

"I'll leave her here to heal your wounded while we deal with the bandits," Hawke told him.

"I suppose it must be done," the mayor said, resigned.

Holli would have thought he'd be more eager to have this resolved.

They left the mans house and Hawke started issuing orders. "All right, Holli you'll stay here and heal those in need. But don't push yourself too far, we're going to need you for the rift. Blackwall, Cole, and Solas, stay with her. There might be another wave of undead as well. We'll come back for you once the lake is drained."

They nodded, their now two groups splitting up to take care of things.

Chapter Text

"Why does everywhere in Thedas suck arse?" Holli muttered, staring ahead into the darkness of the cave.

"We'll take you somewhere nice next time," Hawke told her. "I promise."

"Does such a place exist?" She asked, digging through her backpack for her torch, her good one.

"I heard you went to Orlais."

Holli conceded that point. "The place was pretty, and the weather was nice. Just... missing home, I guess. Sorry."

She found her light, clicking it on. It illuminated the whole cave around them a fair distance ahead. She'd bought it from Amazon; so compact, but so bright. She loved it.

"What is that?" Fenris asked. He didn't often speak to anyone but Hawke or Varric.

"A torch. How else were we going to see where we're going?"

"This is a torch," Blackwall said, lighting up a fire in a little metal holder attached to the wall.

"Mine's better. It's waterproof," she said, waggling her eyebrows as she held it against the wall where some water was running through.

Blackwall at least looked a little amused.

"Can I see that?" Hawke asked as they started through the cave.

Holli handed it over to him, and he studied it, clicking it off and on a few times, staring right into the beam a second before wincing and pulling it back.

"Maker, it's like staring into the sun," he handed it back to her. "Impressive. Could you make another?"

Holli shook her head. If she could pull it apart, she could figure it out, but no way would the parts be available to do it, especially not the batteries.

"And this kind of... technology is just available to anyone?"

Holli nodded. "I got this one off Amazon, cheap as chips."

"Amazon?"

"It's like-" She stopped, unsure how to describe it without describing the internet, computers, electricity... "I don't even know how to explain it. Trying to tell you about the internet alone... How do I describe it?"

"A vast river, filled with voices, each echoing thoughts and feelings, sometimes so loud. It’s made of words, images, information, all flowing from one place to another. But not all of it is real. It’s like a room full of people all shouting at once, and no one hears them. Some come to laugh, others to hide, and some just to search for a place where they can finally be understood."

Holli looked at Cole. "You're not wrong, I guess. Not how I would have put it though. Did you get that from me?"

"You flicker and flash, lots of flickers in the space of a second. Thoughts, memories, lots of different voices, but all you."

"You see memories? Like they were your own memories?"

She had always wondered how it worked, but getting comprehensive information from him could be difficult at times.

"Not like I see my own."

"How many voices has she got in there?" Hawke asked, amused.

"Lots. It's hard to hear them all. They all think about different things; I like the one that always sings. I've only ever met a few people who had all that. Sometimes your mind makes my head hurt."

"That's just women," Hawke told him, earning a few chuckles from Varric and Blackwall. "It's easier to nail water to a tree than try and understand them."

"Is that why you prefer the company of men? Not smart enough for women?" She asked snidely.

"I'd like to point out that's why he prefers the company of men, not myself," Fenris said.

"Hey!" Hawke said, indignation dripping from the word.

"Holy shit what's that?" Holli whispered, gripping Solas's arm beside her.

There was a floating glowing orange thing that vaguely resembled a person. It was coming towards them, and the others readied for a fight, except Solas.

"It's merely an echo," Solas told them. "It cannot hurt us."

"So it's a ghost?"

"I suppose you could look at it that way."

It breezed right by them, and they continued on. The cave opened out into a large cavern with water pouring down in the middle. She'd only ever seen places like this on the internet. Honestly, cave diving was never something she ever wanted to do. She'd seen enough horror movies about it.

In a little alcove there was an undead creature Fenris quickly put down. And hanging from the roof was a corpse, long dead. Had he hung himself, or had someone else done the job?

The only way to go was down, deeper underground. She didn't like this. They made their way across the rotten wooden slats, the creaking and shifting of them adding to her anxiety about all this.

Holli heard a too-loud crack behind her and whirled around. Vivienne had frozen, the heel of her boot having gone through the wood.

"Vivienne," Holli whispered, as if afraid being too loud would break the ground further.

Vivienne tried to pull her heel out, but the movement made the wood crack and dip, making the woman freeze again.

Being the closest to her and the lightest of all of them, Holli carefully shuffled closer, holding her hand out for Vivienne to grab. The plan was to pull her forward, out and away from the broken floor.

When she was a few feet away, the whole section they were standing on made another loud clap. It was the two beams holding the slats up; they were breaking.

"Holli, get back," Solas ordered.

She looked back at him, and then the ground gave out beneath her and Vivienne. They both dropped, but she felt Vivienne grab her hand. And then they hit the catwalk below, landing hard on their backs. It completely knocked the breath out of her, and she struggled to breathe it back in.

She could hear the others calling out their names above, see their heads peeking over the sides of the wooden pathway.

"Are you both all right?" Hawke called down.

"We're alive at least," Vivienne replied, her voice strained.

There was another cracking shift beneath them as the wood started to give way. The slats beneath Vivienne broke, and Holli braced herself. She was still holding her hand. Holli felt and heard her shoulder quite possibly dislocate with the angle at which Vivienne fell. She cried out at the searing agony in it, trying to keep enough presence of mind to keep holding onto Vivienne. She wasn't sure how much longer she could manage it, though. Jesus fucking Christ, it was agony.

"Sweet Maker," she heard Blackwall say. He sounded so far away. "There's nothing below."

Holli was lying on her back, so she couldn't see. With her good hand, she held onto the slats to stop herself rolling over and joining Vivienne over the edge.

"Hold on, Holli, we're coming down to you," Solas said.

Through watery eyes she could see only Fenris and Cole coming down. They were both light, graceful, and weren't wearing heavy armour. Fenris had even left his massive sword up there with Hawke. They had to be careful, not wanting to cause further damage to the ground and risk all of them falling to their deaths. Cole kept his distance while Fenris crept closer. He lowered himself onto all fours beside her.

"I'm going to take hold of Vivienne," he told her. "Carefully make your way to Cole."

Holli nodded, her jaw clenched so tight it hurt. When she felt the lifting of Vivienne's weight from her arm and shoulder, Holli slowly and carefully crawled to Cole, keeping her injured arm curled into her chest.

Cole helped her stand, and they moved further away from the danger zone. They watched Fenris pull Vivienne up. He had immense strength in such a slight frame.

"All right, any injuries?" Hawke asked.

"I think I may have fractured a rib or two," Vivienne replied.

"Holli's shoulder is dislocated," Cole said.

She hadn't looked at it, a little afraid to. Other people's injuries she could deal with; her own, not so much. Even healing her broken wrist after Haven had been a mission.

"Can you just heal it?" Hawke asked.

"It's best to set it first," she replied, her voice tight.

"All right, carry on down, and we'll do that when we're on solid ground. Tread carefully."

Holli and Vivienne were bruised and battered, so they had to keep a slow pace anyway. Cole was lightfooted; the wood barely even creaked under him. She was a little envious of it.

They followed the path down until the wooden slats ended and it was a stone cave again. Cole helped Holli to sit down on a large enough rock. Vivienne was hunched to the side, obviously in pain as well.

"I can heal you while we wait," Holli told her, making to stand back up.

"Tend to yourself first," Vivienne said. "I'd rather your mind wasn't clouded with pain when you work on me."

"Fair enough," Holli muttered.

The others eventually made it to them, Solas giving her shoulder a once-over. Hawke rubbed his hands together as he looked at her.

"Let's pop that shoulder back into place, eh?" He said.

"You know how?" She asked unsurely.

"Of course, I've done it for Fenris a few times, and my little brother was always dislocating something. I've had a lot of practice. It's going to fucking hurt, though."

"Yeah, I know," she sighed.

Hawke got into place, taking hold of her arm. "Ready?"

"Not really."

She was a wuss when it came to pain. She felt fingers close around her free hand, Cole offering a small reassuring smile.

"All right, let's do it."

She hissed as he pulled her arm with one hand and kept her shoulder stabilised with the other. She squeezed Cole's hand tightly as she felt her shoulder shift, letting out a high-pitched whine. Then there was relief as it settled back into place. Hawke started rotating her arm. It hurt, but the pain had reduced.

"Okay, okay," she breathed out. "I can take it from here."

Letting go of Cole's hand, she healed the damage, easing the rest of the pain. Though the healing itself was painful, once she was done, she was completely pain-free. She felt a little drained – healing always took a toll on the patient, and from the fall and adrenaline wearing off – but nothing that would slow her down too much.

"Okay, your turn," Holli said, looking at Vivienne.

She got up, placing her hand where Vivienne showed her the most pain was coming from.

"Three of your ribs have partial breaks," she murmured.

Cracks like this were quite easy to fix, she had found. And easy for her to diagnose. Bone, in general, was easier to mend. But the other stuff – nerves, blood vessels, tissue – much more difficult.

She heard Vivienne's sharp intake of breath as the healing took. Holli really needed to figure out how to stop it hurting. Her patient should feel nothing but relief. This was magic, for fuck's sake. She had far higher expectations of it than she did modern medicine.

"All right, ladies, let's be a little more careful, hmm?" Hawke grinned at them.

He was angling for a slap.

Chapter Text

"Hey, Harding," Holli greeted, dropping down beside her at the campfire.

"Oh, h-hello, Lady Herald," she returned, as if surprised Holli had bothered to acknowledge her.

"Just Holli," she reminded.

Holli shuffled a little closer to the fire, taking off her shoes and hoping to dry them a bit. Her converses were completely soaked from the rain and their jaunt down into the caves below the lake. What a fucking mess. The mayor had killed all those people... She understood the reasoning behind it, but surely not all of them were sick. Surely they could have avoided killing so many. Or a more humane way to put them down. Drowning was such an awful way to go.

There was a lot about the Blight she didn't understand. Most of her education had been focused on magic, the language, the territories, and the major players the Inquisition might need to make nice with. Maybe she should look into it more. But she was reluctant to take more time from researching a way home.

They had set up camp outside of Crestwood village with Harding and her group. After the slog through the caves, they were soaking wet and tired. They had spent all night in those caves. At least when they'd come back to the surface, the rain had let up and the sun was rising. They'd gone to inform the mayor that the rift was closed only to find the man had bailed. Crestwood was going to need a new mayor. They'd trudged back to the Inquisition camp afterwards and were trying to dry off before taking a little rest and having something to eat.

With her shoes and socks drying by the fire, she stripped off her coat and hung it over the makeshift line someone had set up for them. The others were doing the same with their own things as well.

Holli had stripped down to her t-shirt and jeans, untied the messy bun her hair was up in and was wringing it out.

"You have so much hair, my dear," Vivienne noted, trying to dry her own elaborate robes. "It must be quite difficult to maintain."

"Since I got here, it has gotten a bit fried. A proper hydrating conditioner has been difficult to get hold of. I've seen people here just washing their hair with bars of soap!"

"Fereldens are known for their barbarism."

"Hey!" Harding interjected.

"Are you Ferelden, Harding?" Holli asked.

"I am."

"Your hair looks nice and healthy. What do you use?"

"A mixture of egg, milk, and a little bit of oil. It's what my ma always used while I was growing up."

"Awesome, thanks. I'll give that a try when I get back to Skyhold."

"You women and your hair," Hawke said snidely, wringing out his shirt. "My mother and sister were the same."

"It's clear you never listened to them," Holli said, casting a pointed look at the mop on top of his head. "That's one thing I miss about my world."

"Sons listening to their mothers?" Hawke asked.

She let out a laugh at that, as if the idea was so absurd.

"No, the hair care and skin care products. I had this papaya hair food; it was so freaking good. Made my hair feel like silk."

"What's papaya?" Harding asked.

"It's a tropical fruit. We use them for eating, in cosmetics, and in pharmaceuticals. I don't know if you have them here or if maybe they just have a different name. Need to keep an eye out."

That last bit was more to herself than anything. She had a rough idea of how to make papaya extract and use it to make a conditioner. Hopefully she would just get home soon and could get back to her normal skin and hair routines.

Holli brushed out her hair before tying it into two braids. It would at least dry quicker out of a big messy pile.

"All right, eat up, then we're going to find Stroud," Hawke told them all.

"Do I have to come?" Holli groaned.

"Yes," Hawke said. "Given our positions, I think you might be my heir. You need to know what I know."

"What!?" She looked to Solas and Varric. "That's not right, right?"

"I'm not sure why you think we'd be the ones to ask, little bird," Varric said, sipping at the hot drink in his hands.

"Aren't you in the know? You've got seniority; you've been here since the beginning."

"So have you," Varric retorted. "You just slept through the first few days."

"Okay, okay, no one's going to entrust an organisation like this to a teenager," it was a reminder to herself, as well as the others.

"Well, I don't plan on dying any time soon," Hawke said. "But I'm quite sure I'm meant to be grooming you for the position."

"Thedas is doomed," Blackwall muttered, earning a half-hearted glare from Hawke.

"I don't feel like you know me well enough to judge my teaching capabilities," Hawke told him haughtily.

"Sorry, just going off of what I've seen."

Holli let out a low, amused laugh, holding her hand up to Blackwall. When he didn't seem to know what to do with it, she grabbed his hand and clapped it against hers.

"Nice burn," she congratulated him.

Harding watched the exchange with an amused eye. It was a rare glimpse into this group she had never been witness to before. The Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste, and the inner circle were almost revered figures in the Inquisition. They got things done and defied the odds to do it. But the Inquisitor was not what she expected, and whatever else she was, the Herald was practically a child. It was easy to forget that sometimes, considering the feats she'd accomplished and the stories told about her.

When Hawke deemed them sufficiently fed, watered, and rested, he had them get ready to head out. Holli pulled her shoes and socks back on, her face scrunching up at the feeling of wet socks in wet shoes. If she got a fungal nail infection, she was going to be pissed. Could she heal fungal infections?

The cave Stroud was holed up in wasn't too far out of Crestwood, at least, and the group made their way inside. They took the place in. It was quite spacious, with plenty of nooks and crannies to give at least the illusion of rooms. It was clear Stroud had been holed up here for a while. The sound of a sword being drawn caught their attention, and Holli turned to find the point of one levelled at her.

"What are you doing here, little girl?"

Solas drew his staff, but Cole appeared behind the man, one of his daggers at his throat, the warning clear.

"Wait, Stroud! I brought them," Hawke said, popping out from one of the other alcoves in the caves formation. "Let's all put our weapons away."

Cole didn't move until Stroud at least lowered his sword a little.

"I'd heard you became Inquisitor," he said to Hawke as he sheathed his sword. "I could scarcely believe it. Then I remembered who you were and how you like to get in over your head."

"I think I make quite the Inquisitor, thank you."

"I'm curious as to what you're basing that on," Solas said.

"If I didn't know you all adored me, I might start taking these little digs seriously."

"Can we get on topic?" Blackwall asked. "Corypheus and the Wardens."

Stroud nodded. "When you slew Corypheus, Weisshaupt was happy to put the matter to rest. But an Archdemon can survive wounds that seem fatal, and I feared Corypheus might possess the same power. My investigation uncovered clues, but no proof. Then, not long after, every Warden in Orlais began to hear the Calling."

"You never told me that before," Hawke said.

"It was a Grey Warden matter. I was bound by an oath of secrecy."

"What is the Calling?" Holli asked.

Stroud sighed before reluctantly answering. "The Calling tells a Warden that the blight will soon claim him. Starts with dreams. Then come whispers in his head. The Warden says his farewells and goes to the Deep Roads to meet his death in combat."

"And every Grey Warden in Orlais is hearing that right now? They think they're dying?" Hawke pressed.

"Yes, likely because of Corypheus. If the Wardens fall, who will stand against the next Blight? It is our greatest fear."

"And then they do something desperate... which is, of course, what Corypheus wants."

"Is the Calling they're hearing real, or is Corypheus mimicking it somehow? Maybe we can disrupt it?" Holli asked.

"I know not. Even as a senior Warden, I had heard only the vaguest of whispers of Corypheus. The Wardens believe that this Calling is real, and they will act accordingly. That is all we know for certain."

"So you're hearing this Calling right now?" Holli asked. "You as well, Blackwall?"

Blackwall nodded.

"Sadly, yes," Stroud replied. "It lurks like a wolf in the shadows around a campfire. The creature that makes this music has never known the love of the Maker, but... at times, I almost understand it."

"The Calling is music?"

"Not like a song being sung in a tavern. It is... a sound of dreadful beauty." He shook it off. "We must uncover what Corypheus has done and end it. This cannot stand."

"Okay, but how can Corypheus make all these Wardens hear the Calling?" Holli asked. They must have some idea.

"I cannot say. We know little about him, save that he is dangerous. He is a magister as well as a darkspawn – and speaks with the voice of the blight. That lets him affect the minds of Wardens since we are tied to the blight ourselves. It must be how he created this false calling."

She didn't understand. How were Wardens tied to the blight? Was it different from blight sickness? The mayor of Crestwood had killed a whole bunch of people for that. While she had read mention of the blight in passing, she hadn't delved into it. Same with darkspawn. They were creatures that could spread blight. Beyond that, she knew nothing. Might really be time to educate herself once she got back to Skyhold.

"So the Wardens think they're dying and aren't thinking clearly," Hawke said. "That won't go well."

"We are the only ones who can slay Archdemons. Without us, the next Blight will consume the world. Warden-Commander Clarel spoke of a blood magic ritual to prevent future Blights before we all perished. When I protested the plan as madness, my own comrades turned on me. Grey Wardens are gathering in the Western Approach, in an ancient Tevinter ritual tower. Meet me there, and we will find answers."

He headed for the cave entrance, not bothering to look back.

"Bye, I guess," Holli muttered.

Chapter Text

Holli stood beside Hawke, who was perched upon his throne. She was wearing one of the dresses Josephine had picked out for her, a pretty thing and just as uncomfortable given the corset beneath. Hawke looked equally uncomfortable in the finery Josephine had forced him into as well.

"Let's just try and make this quick," Hawke muttered quietly so only she could hear.

There was a lot of pomp and ceremony in this – Josephine had called it sitting in judgement.

Initially they had just come back to Skyhold to resupply, see what Leliana knew of the events in the Western Approach, and rest up before heading out there to meet with Stroud. But Josephine had informed them they had duties.

Holli could see how Hawke had duties. She didn't see why she had to be here. Or at the very least, why she had to stand at Hawke's side while he did this. Yes, yes, unified front; it did people good to see them working together, blah blah blah. Stupid and pointless.

"Well, I think that depends on you," Holli muttered back. "Being the one doing the judging and all."

"Why do you think you're here? You're supposed to be giving me advice."

"I doubt anyone really believes that."

"Some people think you being touched by Divinity has somehow made you wiser than you are. Or that Andraste speaks through you. Depends on who you're listening to."

Holli rolled her eyes. "So dumb."

Hawke snorted in amusement. "Regardless, you are smarter than I thought you'd be. I truly am open to any ideas you have."

She looked down at him then, a little surprised and touched by the admission.

"Maker, you're not going to cry, are you?"

She straightened up and peered down at the gathering crowd. "If we weren't in front of all these people, I'd punch you."

"That would cast a shadow over the image our advisors are trying to portray."

"Punch them too," it came out more petulant than she'd intended.

"I'll hold them down. There's our unified front."

They discreetly grinned at each other before Josephine theatrically cleared her throat, drawing the attention of all in the Great Hall.

She called the session to order before approaching the throne as a man wearing horns was dragged in.

"This was a surprise," she said. "After you left the bogs, we discovered this man attacking. The building. With a... goat."

"Poor goat," Holli whispered.

"Chief Movran the Under. He feels slighted by the killing of his Avvar tribesmen. Who repeatedly attacked you first."

Holli hadn't gone with them on that excursion, it being so soon after getting to Skyhold. It was the first mission Hawke had been sent on after being named Inquisitor but before the official announcement.

Varric had regaled her with the tales.

"What should we do with him? Where... should he go?"

"You answered the death of your clan... with a goat?" Hawke asked, crossing one leg over the other and steepling his fingers.

The Chief only laughed. "A courtroom? Unnecessary. You killed my idiot son, and I answered, as is my custom, by smacking your holdings with goat's blood. No foul. He meant to murder Tevinters but got feisty with your Inquisition. A redheaded mother guarantees a brat! Do as you've earned, Inquisitor. My clan yields. My remaining boys have brains still in their heads."

He clearly didn't want to fight the Inquisition, but he was honour-bound, maybe, to carry out the customs of his clan. He didn't seem too cut up about the death of his son either.

"What do we think?" Hawke asked her softly, again so only they could hear.

"Seems like he might have been a twat father," she replied.

Hawke huffed a laugh. "I'm inclined to send him to Tevinter; he can be their problem."

"His whole clan", she said. "And arm them. Make them a massive problem."

Hawke flashed her a grin before looking down at Movran.

"It seems our conflict was accidental, Chief Movran, but it can't be repeated. I banish you and your clan – with as many weapons as you can carry – to Tevinter."

"My idiot boy got us something after all!" The Chief laughed.

The Chief was escorted out, and another prisoner was brought out by Cullen himself. Holli recognised the man from Therinfal Redoubt.

"Inquisitor, Lady Herald: Knight-Captain Denam. He awaits judgement for serving the Lord Seeker at Therinfal Redoubt. I knew some of the Knights there. I asked to oversee his sentencing. The envy demon perhaps fooled the Knight-Captain, but following his superiors' orders nearly destroyed the Templars."

"I wasn't at Therinfal Redoubt," Hawke said, looking up at Holli by his side.

"He attacked me," Holli told him. "He also provided the red lyrium to the Templars, knowing how dangerous it was, and ordered the purge of the uncorrupted."

"I only did as I was told!"

"Just following orders," Holli scoffed. "You chose. You had a choice between your conscience and your leader. Stop passing the buck."

Holli's fists were clenched so hard she could feel her nails digging into her palms, her knuckles white. She knew the history of her world, the atrocities committed, and how so many tried to hide behind their orders. It had always disgusted her to read about it. History wasn't her favourite subject, but it was important to know it, no matter how uncomfortable it made her. She just hated the powerlessness and guilt it made her feel. Similar horrors were still being carried out today, and she had no power to stop it, to make things better.

"And what would a silly little girl know of such things?"

"You knowingly condemned your brothers and sisters to death," Cullen ground out.

"You would have done the same if you hadn't abandoned the Order! I served faithfully. It went red after what the Lord Seeker told me to do."

Denam scowled up at Hawke, who looked completely unruffled by the proceedings.

"Historically, Seekers who failed their charge were exiled to the Sea of Ash," Holli suggested.

She'd read about it in the thick tome she had been given to read way back when.

"Why do you know that?" Hawke murmured.

"Why don't you?" She asked softly.

"All right, exile to the Sea of Ash it is," Hawke announced.

The guards dragged him away.

When there were no more prisoners to judge, Josephine called an end to the session. Hawke rose from his seat, offering his arm to Holli, and escorted her out of the Great Hall, towards the war room. Once they were behind closed doors, they let each other go, heaved a sigh of relief, and did what they could to make their clothes less stifling. Hawke unbuttoned the top of his doublet, and Holli loosened the lace up the back of her dress. It didn't help much since the corset inside was the cause of most of the discomfort.

"I swear Josephine is punishing us for some imagined slight," Hawke hissed.

"Hardly," Josephine said, entering the hallway after them.

"Then why do you hate us?" Holli asked.

Josephine tittered. "You're being dramatic. You both looked lovely. And did very well. I like how you discussed it between you both, even if I couldn't hear it exactly."

"Hah!" Hawke laughed, an almost 'gotcha' kind of sound. "Most of our talks were just sarcastic comments."

Josephine rolled her eyes with a sigh, brushing past them to head to her office.

"You may both go and change if you must," she told them.

Both headed off to do just that before she changed her mind.

-

"Hey, Cole," Holli greeted, sitting down on the wall beside him. "What are you reading?"

She had found him perched on the wall of the battlements, absorbed in whatever was on the parchment in his hand.

He offered it to her, and she read it. Rhys.

"They found your friend..."

"Cullen did. I asked him not to. But the Inquisition saved them. So it's good." Cole looked at her. "He remembers me."

"Does that... make you happy?"

"I... I think so."

"He says he wanted to help you get back into the Fade. Is that something you want?"

She hadn't thought to ask before. But if going back to the Fade was his goal, he'd had plenty of opportunity with the rifts he'd helped her close.

He shook his head. "I want to stay here. At least for now. There are so many people who need helping."

"It sounds like Rhys might even be open to seeing you again if you wanted. Maybe if we go near Val Firmin..."

"I don't know. He was... so angry with me, it burned my skin and stung my eyes."

"People can lash out sometimes. Once they calm down, they usually end up regretting it. His anger might have been justified, but maybe he regrets how he handled it."

"Have you ever done something like that?"

"I think everyone has at one point or another. I've eventually swallowed my pride and gone and apologised."

She'd gotten into fights with her friends and with her mum. She lost her temper with her mum a lot.

"Ah, Inquisition babies, there you are!"

They looked down the walkway to see Hawke and Fenris walking towards them. Inquisition babies?

"What do you want, Grandpa?" Holli asked, infusing a healthy dose of disrespect in there.

"All right, don't like that. Let's not do that again," Hawke said. "No more age jokes."

Holli tsked. "That one hit a little close to home?"

"He discovered a white hair the other day," Fenris said, a hint of exasperation to it.

Holli took that to mean Hawke had been a drama queen about it.

"All your hairs are white; you don't have to go through that trauma," Hawke muttered.

"Considering how many you have, why was this one so traumatic?" She asked.

"What!? There are other ones?"

Holli cast him a shit-eating grin, and his face dropped, scowling at her. "Nasty little girl."

"Why are you looking for us anyway?"

"We're off to the Western Approach tomorrow; be ready to leave early."

There was a commotion at the gates of Skyhold, and they all looked down to see what was going on. Cassandra came riding in on a horse, the others behind her, also mounted. Except Bull. Nothing big enough or strong enough to carry him, she guessed.

"Excellent," Hawke said. "I wonder if any of them will be ready to go tomorrow."

Holli looked at him a little horrified. "Let the horses rest."

They all looked at her.

"Are you – are you afraid of horses?"

"And rightly so. They kill people all the time. Painfully. And they're not even herbivores; they eat meat! Where I come from, everybody knows about the man-eater of Lucknow. It even killed a tiger!"

"You're afraid your horse will eat you?" Hawke asked, restrained amusement in his tone.

"Eat me, trample me, throw me off and leave me a paraplegic, kick me so hard it takes my jaw clean off."

Mr Loewe had ended up in his condition because of a horse. She still hadn't healed him. Solas, Dorian, and Vivienne had arranged for her to make another attempt tonight with their safeguards in place.

"All right, valid. But highly unlikely."

"Likely and unlikely have lost a lot of meaning for me these past months."

"All right, just ride with someone then," Hawke told her.

"That will give me time to get away while the horse eats them," she mused.

"Horses don't eat people! I don't know what kind of abnormal monster horses your world has, but our horses don't eat people."

"Just because you haven't heard about it doesn't mean it doesn't happen."

This world wasn't exactly overflowing with readily available sources of reliable information.

"I can share with you," Cole told her.

"Have you ridden a horse before?"

"No. But I like horses. They want to trust. And they want to be trusted. Not all things that are large want to hurt," he assured her.

"Ok, but I don't want you to get eaten by a horse."

"And who of our companions would you prefer get eaten by a horse?" Hawke asked, still immensely amused by the situation.

"At the moment: you."

"Don't know why I asked; that should have been obvious. I'm not sharing my horse with you. You and Cole will be fine. He seems the type of lad who'd get along with a horse; just let him take the reins. I need to go and greet our new horsemaster. Be good, children," he called out as he wandered off with Fenris.

Holli looked at Cole. "Have you at least been around horses before?"

He nodded. "You'll be safe," he promised.

Chapter Text

Holli gathered in the infirmary with the three other mages, Mr Loewe, his wife, and Adan. Adan was mostly on standby after giving her patient a poppy tincture. They'd managed to get some poppies in. The three mages were discussing among themselves the best way to keep both Holli and Mr Loewe safe. At least he was quite drugged out; it shouldn't hurt as much, or he wouldn't remember it at least.

The man himself had been nervous but excited. He was pleased with the progress that had been made, and it had fuelled his hope of a complete recovery. Holli was eager to get on with it. She was burning with the curiosity to see if she could, especially now that she knew it was something no one else had accomplished before. At least, that anyone knew of.

"All right, my dear," Dorian said, clapping his hands and coming to stand beside her. "We're going to try this. One hand on Mr Loewe here while you heal, and the other hand in mine."

"What will that do?"

"I'll be using my own magic to hold back any barriers you might create, intended or not. If that doesn't work, then the hope is I'll be placed inside your barrier and will be able to snap you out of it physically. Or maybe jolt you out of it with a bit of lightning."

Holli looked to Solas and Vivienne.

"After some research we've found a few spells we can try to disrupt your magic if need be," Solas told her. "We're confident at least one of them will work."

"More than confident," Vivienne assured.

"Ok. So, can I start?"

"At your leisure," Dorian told her, offering his hand.

Holli took it, holding it down by her side as she stepped closer to Mr Loewe. He was already lying on his stomach so Holli could rest her hand on his back.

The edges of her reality started to blur, narrowing down to that damage she had been sent here to repair, or for most of it, clear away and regrow. And then she sank deeper, to that place where she understood things without needing to think them. Where everything just worked the way she wanted it to. Her breathing was slow and steady, and it felt as if the world – which may have consisted entirely of Mr Loewe right now – breathed with her.

But there was something else on the edges – Dorian, she realised. Don't lose focus.

Dorian watched her work – from the outside it didn't look like much. But he could feel her magic and a deep sense of connection to both her and Mr Loewe. Her magic seemed to have dragged him into this process somehow. There was an uncomfortable sensation as both his breathing and his heartbeat shifted, the pattern changing to match hers. And her patients, it seemed.

He monitored her closely, Solas and Vivienne hovering nearby, ever vigilant. It was uncanny how still Holli was. He'd been part of many a ritual in his time, some rather prolonged, but none invoked this kind of stillness. And while they did require an intense focus, what was etched into Holli's face went well beyond it.

It was rather awe-inducing what she was capable of. Solas had, of course, filled him in on her origins and her lack of magical education before he'd started it. There was many a magister who would no doubt love to get their hands on her. Turn her into a useful puppet to elevate their own status. Rifts and healing miracles at their command.

Despite the poppy tincture the man had been given, the pain was starting to get to him. And the amount of magic pouring off of Holli increased as her focus did. He'd caught the tail end of it at her first attempt, but this was staggering.

Mr Loewe started to feel more of that pain, groans and spasms coming from him. That seemed to trigger something in her as her magic started to create that barrier from last time. It was protecting her from interruption – perhaps she thought they would stop her over her patient's discomfort. The way it happened, it truly did feel as if her magic was acting without her conscious thought. Given how much of her focus was on healing, there was a high chance.

He forced his own power into action, holding that barrier back. Her magic was still going strong, her well of it hardly depleted. Her magic was fighting him, which was going to deplete her faster. This wouldn't do. She shouldn't be wasting her energy on fighting him when her magic should be focused on her patient. Dorian stopped fighting her, instead opting to alter its path a little to include him within it. He felt it wash over him, a warm sort of protection, the kind of cosiness he often found in the library, resting upon the sun-drenched chaise with a good book and a glass of wine.

He was accustomed to magic being something harder, more aggressive. Even its protection came with sharp edges and blunt force. But that was how magisters tended to see magic: a weapon to be utilised. Holli used hers for fun and healing more than anything else. He'd seen her juggle fireballs, make the braziers alight with different coloured flames, and create rainbows in the mist.

Honestly, he liked the way she used it. That wasn't to say he couldn't see the use in the more practical applications, but it was nice to see the whimsy.

His own magical education had consisted of strict adherence to the rules and severe punishments for failing that. And given he'd spent most of his time with people of similar backgrounds and upbringings, their magic had the same sort of force to it. Solas's magic also felt quite different from his experiences – there was a tranquillity and peace to it; it didn't have the same sharp edges. And then there was Vivienne; there was a natural ice to her magic and a sense of superiority that so reminded him of her.

Mr Loewe's groans had escalated to near full wails of agony. Holli wasn't completely drained yet, though.

"Perhaps we should call a stop here," Vivienne suggested. "Before half the castle comes to investigate."

"Shorter bursts of healing might be best for everyone," Adan agreed.

Mr Loewe's recovery after the first bout had been lengthy.

Dorian squeezed Holli's hand. "Holli, it's time to stop now."

He hadn't expected it to work; she had truly sunk down into some kind of trance. But on the off chance it did...

"Break the connection to Mr Loewe," Solas told him.

Dorian took a step back, pulling Holli with him. It did break the contact she had but seemed to cause her problems. Her magic instantly dissipated, and she dropped to the ground, looking disoriented. All right, perhaps that had not been the most gentle way to go about it.

He crouched down in front of her, Vivienne and Solas crowding around while Adan checked over the patient.

"Holli?" Dorian said softly, her glazed eyes meeting his. "So sorry about that, darling. Are you all right?"

She nodded, but she looked a little addled. All that magic with suddenly nowhere to go.

"Let's get you off the floor, hmm?" He stood up, taking her hand with him and pulling her up.

He helped her into a nearby chair. Her blinks were amusingly slow. Solas checked her over and made sure she was suffering from nothing more than mild magical backlash.

"She should be all right in an hour or so," Solas said. "Come and lie down, Holli."

She obediently obeyed, more compliant than they were accustomed to seeing her. While she did tend to do as she was told, oft times there was a bit of an attitude or a look thrown their way.

She climbed onto the bed and lay down, her eyes slipping closed.

"We need a gentler way to do this," Solas said.

Ideally she would be able to heal without slipping into this trance and stop before reaching her limits. There was something about this kind of injury that seemed to draw her deeper. It was something that would take time, experimentation, and research.

-

Holli lingered a couple of metres away from the horse as she watched Cole pat the giant beast. He had a gentle smile on his face as he ran his fingers over the creature's neck. He was slowly becoming more expressive, without looking so wooden. It was nice.

He looked at her then, an expectant look. She shook her head, taking a step back. She wasn't going near the horse.

"Stop being a coward, Holli," Hawke called from where he was saddling his own horse.

Holli shot him a dirty look. She had come out early, much to her own disgust, to try and prepare herself for being near the horses. She had not been the first one here, unfortunately. When she felt a hand close over her own, she turned back to see Cole was now in front of her.

"I'll hold your hand the whole time," he assured her.

She didn't see how that would stop the horse from eating her, or kicking her, or trampling her.

"She's peaceful and mellow," Cole told her.

"Can you hear horse thoughts too?" She asked.

Cole shook his head. "They don't have thoughts like we have thoughts. But she is peace and calm. Horsemaster Dennet said she would be best for us."

Despite holding her hand and clearly wanting her to go and meet the bloody horse, Cole didn't lead or try and persuade. He just waited until she was ready to make that first step towards it. Which she appreciated. He really was sweet. And cute. Squash that down before he got wind of it. She knew he wouldn't make fun of her for it like her friends back home or other classmates who might hear, but still, best not to leave herself exposed like that. And if he asked questions or said something in front of the others, depending on who it was, they would be merciless.

It was stupid to develop a crush on someone who might not even be capable of feeling the same. It was just a crush. It would pass.

With a steadying breath, she took a hesitant step closer to the horse.

"Her name is Sunchaser," Cole told her softly.

"Sunchaser's a cool name," she mumbled.

Holli inched her way closer to the mount, true to his word Cole held her hand the entire time. Even as she was standing right beside Sunchaser, he didn't let go. He did start patting her though, and the horse did seem ok with it. Finally she bit the bullet and reached up with her empty hand to touch the horse. It was harder than she had thought it would be – but then, it was all muscle underneath her fur. She was smooth though, and she didn't flinch or seem annoyed under Holli's touch.

While Holli liked animals, she'd never had much to do with them. She'd never had a pet of her own; with her home, it just wasn't a good idea. She did pat Yvette's cat sometimes when she was there, but that was it.

"Do you think we'll be all right, riding together?"

Neither one of them had much – any – experience on a horse.

"I think so, on Sunchaser. And Cassandra gave me a lesson yesterday. I still remember."

Yesterday? Must have been while she was in the infirmary with the mages.

"Thanks for riding with me, Cole," she said.

The thought of not being on it alone really did help.

"As long as you need me to," he told her.

Ugh, her stomach actually flipped. How embarrassing. She could feel her cheeks getting warm as well. He said sweeter things without meaning to than her boyfriend had ever managed.

She quickly looked back at the horse, focusing on the hand doing the patting.

"Should I try and climb up or just wait until it's time to go?" Holli asked.

"You decide."

Holli let out a breath. "Guess I should do it now, while there's only Hawke to see me make a dick of myself."

Ugh, but Hawke was such a smart arse.

"Do you want me to get on first?" Cole asked.

"Yes please," she mumbled, embarrassed at the admission.

Cole let go of her hand and effortlessly climbed up onto Sunchaser. Christ, he was graceful, but it was something she had noticed with him and Sera both. Incredibly smooth movements and super nimble. Especially in battle.

"Do you want to sit behind me or in front of me?" He asked, looking down at her.

Jesus, he looked a long way up. She wasn't afraid of heights, but being high up on a creature who could decide to throw her off or bolt at any minute was a different story entirely.

There was a pommel on the front of the saddle she could hold onto; she imagined if she sat on the back, she would be holding him in a death grip the entire time. That probably wouldn't be comfortable for him, and she got the feeling he would be too nice to say so.

"Front", she replied.

One of the stablehands – a boy about their age – brought over a stool she could use to climb on. Trying to get on the front definitely made it more awkward to get up. But she managed to settle in front of him, holding onto the pommel. It was high up. And to hold the reins, Cole had to have his arms either side of her. Maybe the front hadn't been a good idea. Being this close to him, being pressed against him, she could smell him; it was nice, leather and something else, something totally unidentifiable to her but pleasant.

They were up so high, and she could feel the movements of the horse – her breathing, her tail flicking. It all reminded her they weren't safe.

She closed her eyes and tried to breathe the anxiety away. Cole was here; he had the reins. He wouldn't let anything happen to them.

"We're going to walk now," Cole told her, and she nodded.

She felt him move, and Sunchaser started walking, just a casual pace. It had still sort of startled Holli, and she gripped the pommel on the saddle with her hands, and her legs tightened around the horse.

"Relax, Holli; the horse can feel your anxiety," Hawke said, watching from his perch on the stable gate.

He didn't sound like he was trying to be a jerk, more like he was trying to soothe or encourage.

"Telling someone to relax doesn't actually help them relax," she shot back, harsher than she'd intended. "Sorry," she tacked on. She wasn't trying to be bitchy. "I think there might be something wrong with the saddle. It's not very comfortable."

Hawke laughed. "It's something you have to adjust to. Probably doesn't help that there's two of you in it."

"Sorry, Cole. If it's too uncomfortable for you-"

"It isn't."

She shifted so she could look back at him, but whether he was just being nice or truly meant it, she couldn't tell. Either way, she was grateful. She didn't want to be up here on her own.

Chapter Text

Holy shit the Western Approach was hot. She had never experienced heat like this before. It was a literal desert! They had made it to Scout Harding's encampment around mid-afternoon and had decided to spend the rest of the day setting up and recovering. Holli wasn't the only one whose body was aching from all that time on horseback. They were all sore. Cassandra, Solas, Fenris, Bull, and Cole were hiding it well. She, Hawke, and Dorian were a little more vocal about their pain and discomfort and had been the entire trip. Varric sat in the middle of the spectrum.

Cole climbed off of Sunchaser first, raising his hands to help her down. She was pretty sure she would prefer to be on foot.

"Thanks," she told Cole.

The first thing she did was take off her hoodie. Far too hot for that. Her t-shirt, skinny jeans, and converses still weren't cool enough. The encampment was half under the shade of the cliffs, and so she went to go and sit in it. She dropped down onto a large rock, flattening herself out. She had never had a real massage before, but she imagined one would feel heavenly right about now. Was the time saved by the horses really worth the cost?

She opened her eyes when she heard someone sit beside her.

Solas looked a little uncomfortable in the heat but otherwise unruffled. The heat was a nice change from the cold, though. Even if it was too hot.

"The more you ride, the easier it will become," Solas assured her. "It's not my preferred method of travel either."

"I'm going to invent cars here, just you wait," she told him. "Cars that run on water. Or biofuel. Something. Maybe magic. Don't see why that couldn't work."

At least he knew what she was talking about, having seen them in the Fade when she'd built her city around them.

"I wish you luck on your endeavour. Personally, I quite liked the bicycle."

Holli laughed to herself at the mental picture of Solas riding around on a bicycle, a little flowery basket attached to the handlebars.

"I'll make you a bike. If I can get Master Harritt to help with the metalwork," she told him, looking up at him. "Even if he doesn't, I guess I can take up metalworking for you."

"Kind of you," he said, tone flat.

She resolved to do it. She was going to make him a bike. She had her refill pad and pens in her backpack; she'd start drawing it up. Precise blueprints for Master Harritt to make each component. The only problem she could see was rubber for the tyres. She hadn't seen any around. In her own world rubber had existed long before the Dark Ages; had they figured it out here yet? She could go back to the old-timey bikes with the leather-covered tyres. She wouldn't use the giant arse front wheel; she'd stick to a more modern design. But the big wheels helped with shock absorption. Meh, might take some trial and error, but she'd figure it out.

Dorian came and sat on the rock on her other side, wiping the sweat from his brow.

"Couldn't the Wardens have picked a more palatable climate for their nefarious deeds?" He bemoaned.

"What's Tevinter like?" She asked him.

"It rains a lot," he replied. "And it can get quite humid. No good for my hair. Not a problem for some of us." He cast a pointed look in Solas's direction.

Holli had noticed these two liked to rib each other.

"I doubt that is entirely humidity's fault," Solas returned, throwing a dubious look at the top of Dorian's head, drawing an exaggerated indignant gasp from the other man.

Holli just sat there and laughed. She would have thought Solas above this kind of thing; she found it infinitely amusing that he wasn't.

"You're both pretty, ladies," Holli assured them.

"I'm aware I am. Josephine and I have started a club," Dorian said.

"The pretty ladies club?" She grinned. "Do you take tea and gossip?"

"Wine, actually."

Holli let out a dramatic sigh. "Okay, I'll join your club."

"Oh, you will, will you?" He quirked a perfectly arched brow at her.

"All right, my little layabouts," Hawke said, coming to stand in front of them. "Tents to set up. Let's not overburden Harding and her team with your laziness."

"Cassandra's already setting ours up," Holli pointed out.

Holli wasn't great with setting up the tent. She had never set up a tent in her life. And she was sure they were made to be easier in her world. Cassandra had enlisted her help once, seen how shit she was, and decided to just take care of it herself. Holli might have been a little more offended by it, and she knew she could get better at it with practice, but it was just easier to let Cassandra handle it. The woman could pitch a tent quicker and more efficiently than all the rest of them.

"I'm sure you can figure out a way to make yourself useful," Hawke told her.

"Moral support," she replied. "Go Cassandra, you're awesome!"

Holli called it across the camp, and when Cassandra looked at her, confused, Holli flashed her an encouraging smile and two thumbs up. Cassandra's eyes narrowed a moment as she tried to figure out the joke before deciding she just didn't care and continued with her task.

"Holli, that was pathetic."

"I see Fenris is pitching your tent alone," she pointed out.

Hawke turned to look at him. "Hey, Fenris!" Hawke bellowed. "You're awesome. Great work!"

"Shut up," Fenris called back in a withering tone, also continuing with his task.

"It's only cute when I do it," Holli told him. "Maybe you should have tried the thumbs up. It might have helped."

Hawke quickly reached out, ruffling her hair super hard so it was a mess and laughing when he got a strangled 'ugh' sound out of her.

"Harding has a couple of injured, go and fix them," he told her, walking off.

"Yes! My time to shine," she sang, retying her hair and setting off to ask Harding where they were.

She was getting damn good at healing, but she still hadn't managed to make it painless. Every time she tried to heal someone, she tried to figure out why it hurt and how to make it stop; so far, no success.

"Adorable little thing, isn't she?" Dorian noted.

"I suppose. I'm merely relieved she doesn't need to grow up in, and learn magic in, a Circle," Solas said.

"A Southern Circle at least; I daresay she might have done well in Tevinter with the right benefactor," he said, catching the look on Solas's face. "I'm not saying they've got it right either."

"I don't think anyone has it right," he sighed, standing up from the rock to get on with his own tasks.

-

They met up with Stroud the next day near some old ruins. There was a weird feeling in the air, that tingle she'd get in her skin just before goosebumps.

"I'm glad you made it, Hawke," Stroud said. "But was it wise to bring the child?"

"Just in case they do anything that triggers more rifts," Hawke explained. "She doesn't join the fights. She knows to keep back."

Stroud nodded but didn't look like he agreed with the idea. "I fear they've already started the ritual."

"Blood magic, I'd wager," Hawke said. "You can smell it. Well, let's go put a stop to it."

The group headed across the bridge, Holli lingering at the back. She had instructions to just leg it if things got dicey. But they had wanted her nearby if rifts got involved.

Holli frowned down at the corpses they passed, all wearing Grey Warden armour. They got up into the ruins just in time to witness a mage bind a demon.

"Inquisitor," he was greeted by the man obviously running the show. "What an unexpected pleasure. Lord Livius Erimond of Vyrantium, at your service."

"You are no Warden," Stroud spat.

"But you are," he sighed. "The one Clarel let slip. And you found the Inquisitor and his little Herald puppet and came to stop me. Shall we see how that goes? Wardens, hands up." The four mages silently obeyed; it was almost robotic. "Hands down."

"Corypheus has taken their minds," Stroud said.

"They did this to themselves. You see, the Calling had the Wardens terrified. They looked everywhere for help."

"Even Tevinter..."

"Yes. And since it was my master who put the Calling into their little heads, we in the Venatori were prepared. I went to Clarel full of sympathy, and together, we came up with a plan... Raise a demon army, march into the Deep Roads, and kill the Old Gods before they wake. Sadly for the Wardens, the binding ritual I taught their mages has a side effect. They're now my master's slaves. This was a test. Once the rest of the Wardens complete the ritual, the army will conquer Thedas."

Holy shit, he was monologuing! Holli didn't think a real-life villain would actually do it. Why were they even wasting time talking to him? Just attack. He was obviously a bad guy.

"Just release the Wardens from the binding and surrender," Hawke finally said in a tone that suggested this guy was more of an irritant than anything else. "I won't ask twice."

"Kill them," Erimond commanded.

Holli stepped back while the others engaged the Wardens and their demons. Since the Wardens were all mages, there was a lot of magic being flung about, but with her distance, she didn't draw their attention and stayed out of the line of fire.

At least until Erimond somehow found his way to her without her noticing. She felt it in her hand first, that same agony as a Breach expansion or when Corypheus tried to strip the anchor from her. She cried out, dropping down to her knees.

"The Elder One showed me how to deal with you if I happened upon you," Erimond told her. "That mark you bear? The Anchor that lets you pass safely through the veil? You stole that from my master. He's been forced to seek other ways to access the Fade. When I bring him your head, his gratitude will be –"

Holli pulled back on whatever magic he was using on her; it was like trying to pull free of a vice. The explosion of power sent a shockwave through the air, staggering them both. She landed with a graceless thud on her arse, pain shooting up her spine as she scrambled to regain her bearings.

Erimond's face darkened in frustration, but he'd managed to retain his footing. He raised his hand to try again, but an arrow struck him in the shoulder. This time he did go down. Holli looked over to see Varric watching with a fierce expression. Varric's attention was quickly taken by the other fight he was a part of. Erimond took his chance to scurry away. From her place on the ground, she watched him go, unsure if she should try and stop him. Her hand was still sparking, the power from the mark bursting and unstable. She didn't want to follow and risk him trying again, making it worse.

She got to her feet, examining her hand, trying to smother the foreign power. She wasn't sure if it had been like this after Corypheus since she'd ended up unconscious so quickly after. Maybe it had settled on its own. A particularly violent burst had her flinching away from it.

"Holli, let me see your hand." Solas was the first to arrive at her side once they'd dealt with the demons and Wardens.

She held it out for him, and he took it gently in his own. She could feel his magic sort of probing around her hand, at one point causing it to make an odd sizzle sound. It didn't hurt, but it wasn't pleasant either.

"Is this what Corypheus did to you?" Solas asked.

"I think so; it feels similar."

"It should settle on its own in time," he told her softly, letting her go.

She shook her hand out, a little worried that man might have somehow made it regress to the point it would be killing her again. A cursory glance over the others revealed they were uninjured, or at least nothing immediately bothering them.

"Let's get back to camp," Hawke said. "Figure things out from there."

Chapter Text

Hawke returned to Skyhold with Fenris, Dorian, and Varric. He'd left Holli with Solas, Bull, Cole, and Cassandra so they could travel across the desert and close the rifts Scout Harding's people had found. It felt a little strange to be travelling without Hawke; they'd done a fair bit of it together since he'd become Inquisitor.

The heat was starting to bother her a little, but she kept her mouth shut. The cold was worse. She'd even cut a pair of her jeans into short shorts to try and help against the heat. She had no sandals, unfortunately. But Cole had managed to pilfer her a hat from somewhere. Not quite as wide-brimmed as his own, but wide enough to keep the sun off her face and neck. They didn't ride the horses, unsure how they would fare in the heat. Those stayed at camp, where there was shade and water.

Harding's maps were super accurate, though; the rifts were exactly where they had been marked, and enough landmarks jotted down to make finding them easy. Some of Harding's scouts accompanied them, extra weapons against the demons they had to slay before closing a rift. Though Bull was basically an army on his own. And there were other hostile creatures and people in the area. They'd come across pockets of Venatori, though they had yet to figure out what they were doing all the way out here. Harding had mentioned her own people had also come across them from time to time.

"Do you hear that?" Holli asked Cole.

He was walking right beside her, and he tilted his head to hear better. "Water", he said after a few moments.

She had thought so too. Running water. A river, or a waterfall or something. They hadn't seen any water since getting here, aside from what they had at camp.

Holli sped up, eager to check it out, Cole keeping pace with her.

"Don't go too far," Cassandra called after them.

They rounded the cliff they'd been following to find an oasis further down the path. She wasn't sure if it was down to the last few days in the desert or not, but it was beautiful. Water was pouring from the cliff face above. The pool of water was clear and inviting, half covered by the shadow of the cliff, with more shade from the trees surrounding it.

"Do you think there are crocodiles?" She asked, looking between Cole and Bull, who had come to stand beside her.

"Nah," Bull replied, breaking into a run towards the water as he stripped off his armour.

Holli started running as well, stripping down to her bra and shorts as she ran. Bull jumped off the rock and into the water. She paused a moment to make sure Bull came back up – didn't hit the bottom of the pool and get knocked out or eaten by crocodiles. He came up, laughing and splashing water up at her. She grinned and took a few steps back before running and cannonballing into the water. The water was lovely, cool enough to fight the heat, not so cold that it was unpleasant. She floated on her back, looking up at the sky.

"This is nice," she muttered.

So Bull had to ruin it. She was suddenly dumped with water; it got in her eyes, nose, and mouth. She started coughing and spluttering, regaining her footing and wiping her face. Bull was laughing, her suffering amusing him. She started splashing him back, putting some magic behind it until she had full-on breakers battering against him.

"Magic is cheating!" Bull told her while biting back a laugh.

She sent one last massive wave his way with a cackle, nearly washing him ashore.

"Truce?" She offered.

"Truce," he agreed.

Holli looked around, realising she and Iron Bull were the only ones who had gotten into the water entirely. The others were settling in to take a break; Cassandra and Solas had waded in knee-deep, rolling up their pants to do so, the pair in quiet conversation and an occasional indulgent smile cast Holli and Bull's way. Cole was sitting on a rock nearby watching her and Bull. Some of Harding's people were sitting down sharing food; a couple of others were stripping down to their underwear and taking their time getting in. For a second she had wondered if there was something wrong with the water.

Holli doggy-paddled over to Cole, climbing up onto the rock and sitting beside him.

"Don't like swimming?" She asked.

"I've never tried."

"Do you want to? It's not too deep around here, and the water's really nice."

"Maybe..."

She nodded, standing up and getting ready to jump back in. She wouldn't push him. He hadn't pushed her with the horse; she could extend the same courtesy.

"You have a gem in your belly button," Cole said, looking at it.

Holli looked down. "Yeah, I got it pierced a couple of years ago. Emerald, my birthstone. It's supposed to bring good fortune. It's really dropped the ball recently. Give me a yell if you want to swim too."

She dived back into the water, swimming back over towards Bull, who had found a higher place to jump and into deeper water. She climbed up the rocks and joined him, both looking down. Though the water was clear, it was deep enough below them that it was just dark blue.

"Ladies first," Bull said. "If we want to get loose with the word."

"Ooh what a cop out. Scared, The Iron Bull?" She taunted.

He reached out and effortlessly pushed her off the edge. She let out a startled shriek of surprise as she fell over the edge and hit the water. She pulled herself back to the surface, taking longer than she would have thought.

"Did you hit the bottom?" Bull asked from his place on the jutting rock.

"Yes, I broke my leg and it's all your fault," she called back, treading water.

Bull jumped, pulling off his own, far more massive cannonball. It washed her a fair way back. Not quite as big as she'd managed with her magic, but still pretty decent.

Harding's people were fully in the pool now as well, enjoying the cool water. Soon enough there was a line waiting to jump off the ledge and dive into the water.

After a few turns, Cole called out to her, and she swam back over, looking up at him curiously.

"I think... I'd like to try," he said.

"Cool, I'll come round to where it's shallower," she told him.

She met him at the shore; he'd taken off his boots but nothing else.

"It'll be difficult to swim with all that clothing; the weight will drag you down," she warned. Though it was valid, she kind of felt like a perv for saying it, like she was looking for any excuse to get his clothes off. "If you're not comfortable, you could just go knee-deep like the others."

"I want to do what you're doing," he said, looking up at the ledge people were still jumping off.

"It is pretty fun," she murmured, watching one of the archers dive in. "Okay, then at least lose the top half of your clothes. Unless you've got a singlet on underneath, you can swim in that."

Cole nodded, stripping off. He didn't seem uncomfortable about it, and she really did try not to ogle. He was quite thin, too thin.

She knew he didn't need to eat or sleep, that he was a spirit taken physical form somehow. Solas said it wasn't possession, that he hadn't just taken over someone else's body.
He joined her in the water where she was standing about hip deep. The gentle breeze was cool on her wet skin; she almost didn't want to leave this place. Cole came to stand beside her, his eyes scanning the clear water. He didn't appear anxious or uncomfortable, but there was... something there. Something other than what he usually was. She hummed to herself before grabbing his hand, taking him back to shallower waters, and sitting down. He sat down beside her.

"You've been in a bath before, right?" She asked.

He'd come out of fights covered in blood and had cleaned himself off somehow, either in rivers or lakes or baths, she assumed.

He nodded. "I don't go deep, or under."

She thought back to her own swimming lessons when she was a kid. The first thing she remembered was holding the edge of the pool and learning to kick. She didn't want to treat him like a child, though. She twisted around until she was floating on the surface, Cole watching her.

"We can start with floating, if you want. Like you told me to trust the horse, you have to trust the water. It'll keep you up."

"But Sunchaser is alive and can be trusted."

"The water is sort of alive; it's filled with microorganisms too small to see with the naked eye."

He watched the way she floated. "Is that what makes us float?"

"No. We're less dense than the water we displace. We'll float as long as we keep our lungs full of air. Helps keep us buoyant."

When he made his first attempt, she stood on her knees to help him balance his body properly. He managed it fairly easily, and she had him kick his legs to get him moving. Maybe it was because he wasn't a child, but he picked it up fast. That would make it so much easier. This could be kind of fun.

It didn't take long before she had him swimming in deeper water; he was able to doggy paddle and freestyle. He was fearless, which helped; he didn't have any kind of negative associations with water, didn't fear the deep, and didn't have any problem holding his breath and ducking under. He even admitted to liking being under the water. He liked the quiet.

Holli swam with him and stayed close to him the entire time he was learning, and he even held her hands when they ducked under the water the first few times. He'd been worried he would get lost and forget which way was up, and he'd asked to hold her hands the first few times. She thought it was kind of cute and hadn't minded in the least. It was cute seeing him without his hat on too, his hair wet and falling around his face.

Every time her thoughts took her there, she would mentally scold herself. He wasn't human; he couldn't feel the same way, and her crush was going to end up super one-sided, and she'd be left sad and disappointed.

"Let's try," he told her, pointing up to the ledge.

Holli grinned. "You don't want to try somewhere lower first?"

He shook his head.

"Ok, race you!" She said, swimming towards the shore.

She was a faster swimmer, but once they left the water, he was the faster runner and beat her to the ledge. Not by much though, given she'd had a head start. When they got up there, he peered over the edge, looking down.

"It's higher up here," he noted.

Well, yes, that was generally how climbing to higher points worked.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Holli reminded him.

He looked back at her; he stared for a long time; it was almost unnerving. Finally he held his hand out to her, gaze questioning. He wanted to jump together. She joined him at the edge, dropping her hand into his.

"When you're ready," she told him.

They both stood at the ledge, and she watched him as he stared down at the water.

"Does it hurt?" He asked. He didn't sound afraid of the possibility, more curious about it.

"Only if you belly flop," she replied. "You want to go in the water, not land on top of it."

He nodded, shifting back, and she followed suit. Together they jumped from the ledge as far as they could go. She felt his grip on her hand tighten as they fell and practically cut off her circulation as they hit the water. Even as they scrambled their way back to the surface, he didn't let go. Once they were breathing in fresh air, he smiled at her, a bright one.

"I like it when we hit the water – like a thousand hands pulling us deep into its arms," he said. "Squeezing us tight."

"Like a cold hug."

"You don't like the cold," he said, concerned.

"I don't mind this kind of cold," she shrugged a shoulder.

"You like hugs too," he said, tilting his head to the side. "You wish your mum would hug you, not just your friends."

Holli sucked in a sharp breath, glancing around to make sure no one else had heard. They were far enough away that maybe only the elves would have picked it up if Solas hadn't been lying about their sharpened hearing. It wasn't so much that she wanted her mum to hug her more, or at all; it was more that she wanted her mum to love her enough. To choose her over... well, everything. The men, the drugs, the booze. But it was a desire she had never spoken aloud and had barely even thought of coherently. But yes, hugs too. When she'd had a shit day at school because she and Yvette had been fighting and Holli thought she'd lost her, she could have used a hug and some motherly advice. When she'd broken her wrist at school and been sent to the hospital, she could have used a hug from her mum. Hell, she would have settled for her mum showing up to get her.

"Please never mention that again," she muttered, swimming towards the shore.

"All right," he said, and she thought she might have picked up a note of despondency in his voice. "I'm not mad," she said. "Just don't like it being brought up."

Cole nodded. "You are enough," he uttered quietly.

Holli paused, looking back at him, her eyes stinging a little. "Not for her," she whispered back as she turned away and got out of the water.

She was already wet; no one should notice the wetness in her eyes. She hated how he could cut to the quick with his remarks without even trying.

Ugh.

Chapter Text

They returned to camp as it neared sunset. Aside from the dredging up of her less than stellar feelings about her mother, it had been a pretty good afternoon. It was nice to wash off the day and spend time doing something a little less serious. It had helped to wash off the sweat and desert grime as well and get to know Harding's people a bit better too.

Back at camp she settled down to continue with the blueprints of the bike she was going to make. She was curious to see how it would turn out.

Cassandra took a seat beside her, offering a plate of dried meats and some fruit.

"Thank you," Holli murmured, setting the plate down beside her and nibbling at it as she drew.

"What is that?" Cassandra asked.

"A bike. Bicycle. We ride them to get from place to place quicker. I'm gonna try and make one."

"You're that uncomfortable with the horse?"

"I don't think the bike would be feasible for the distances and terrain we travel," she said. It certainly wasn't going to be a top-of-the-line thing. This was more for playing around in Skyhold. "But yes, I am that uncomfortable with the horse. And as soon as I figure out a way to replace it, I absolutely will."

Cassandra let out an amused huff of air. "Do they not have horses where you come from?"

"Horses are for rich people," she replied. "I've never even been close to one. You must like horses; being nobility, you must have had them."

"We did. We learnt to ride young. I neither like nor dislike them; they are practical. But I understand your caution; I've seen plenty of injuries. More often than not, it was rider error."

"That's not very comforting," she said.

"It wasn't meant to be. Just conversation."

Holli smiled to herself as she continued her blueprint. Cassandra was very... blunt. Badass warrior, but a little stunted in social aspects. Well, stunted was the wrong word. It was more like she didn't give a shit. Holli liked that about her.

After a few minutes and a few more bites, Holli set her work down.

"I'm still eating; I just need to go pee," Holli told her.

"Thank you for that announcement," Cassandra told her flatly.

"I just don't want you to assume I'm done."

It had happened before; she didn't want to go hungry. With the darkening sky, Holli took a torch out to find somewhere to pee. Somewhere far from camp where no one would come upon her. There was a watch and a patrol. She hated portaloos, but that would be a hell of a step up from behind a bush or a boulder.

When she thought she was a safe enough distance – still within screaming distance, of course – she crouched down behind a rock and relieved herself, taking some time to dry since there was no toilet paper. Another thing she hated about this place.

She stood up, did up her shorts, and picked up her torch to make her way back to camp. She made it all of five steps before a blinding pain erupted in the back of her head and everything went dark.

-

It happened so quickly, their camp being overrun with demons and Grey Wardens. No one had seen it coming. Solas always kept his staff close so he was not caught unarmed. They were outnumbered though, quite heavily. And it only took a few moments for him to realise he could see no sign of Holli. He'd last seen her at the campfire with Cassandra, so he fought his way to the warriors side.

"Where is Holli?" He demanded.

"She went to relieve herself," Cassandra replied, striking down one of the Wardens.

Solas encased a demon in ice, and Bull shattered it.

"Hopefully she's heard this mess and is keeping herself safe and hidden," Bull chimed in.

Solas wasn't so sure. And he had a sinking feeling in his gut that this attack was all about her. He'd seen the fanatical light in Erimond's eyes as he'd spoken of delivering her head to his master. Not to mention that he'd spoken of her ability to pass through the Fade thanks to the anchor. It was something Holli had not yet discovered for herself. Solas had hoped to keep it that way. Erimond might need that ability of hers. Especially as they were pulling demons from the Fade.

Solas once again lamented the loss of his full strength; this would be more akin to an inconvenience than a fight for his life and the lives of his companions. He needed to find Holli and ensure her safety, sooner rather than later.

When the dust finally settled, he'd hoped to see her come rushing in, ready to heal their injured. They had plenty of them. But there was still no sign of her.

"Holli!" Bull bellowed out, his booming voice carrying across the desert.

There was no answering call, no movement in the darkness.

"Shit," Bull sighed.

"We have to find her," Cole said, a tinge of panic in his voice.

Solas knew the pair had grown closer; their friendship had been noticed by most of Skyhold.

"Can you hear her?" Solas asked.

Perhaps she was unconscious or unable to vocalise. But Cole shook his head. Solas looked around; Harding's people were dealing with the injured and the bodies.

"Go, we'll manage here," Harding told them.

They didn't need to be told twice.

"I saw her go this way," Cassandra told them.

They followed her from the camp and into the darkness, Solas conjuring veilfire to light their way. They could see her footprints in the sand; at least they assumed they were hers. The sand didn't leave the cleanest imprints, but she had a one-of-a-kind tread on the soles of her shoes. They could see the faint diamond shapes.

They followed her prints to an outcropping of rocks she must have used for privacy. There were more prints – at least three other people. And there was blood in the sand, not a lot, but enough to be noticeable.

Bull crouched beside the small puddle of it; it was mostly dry, the centre still wet. He stood up, looking in the direction the tracks disappeared. There was no way to tell who the blood belonged to. Holli wasn't exactly defenceless, but if they'd taken her by surprise...

"If we hurry, we might be able to catch up with them," he said.

"We'd be faster on the horses," Cassandra suggested.

No one disagreed, and so they returned to camp to get the horses.

"Chances are they're taking her to Adamant," Bull said.

It went unsaid that if the Wardens got her there before they could intercept them, there was nothing they could do until Hawke arrived with their army.

They rode the horses as quickly as they dared, following the trail. When Adamant Fortress was in sight and they still hadn't caught up with them, they dismounted, trying to spot them from a higher vantage point. There was no sign of them, not that they could see by the light of the moon anyway.

"I'll go in and find her," Cole said. "They won't see me. And if they do, I'll make them forget."

"It's too dangerous, Cole," Solas told him. "It's possible they could bind you as they have been the demons. And while you can make them forget you, they'll still notice her. I fear we're too late."

Cole looked like he wanted to argue, his fists clenched and teeth gritted. "We can't leave her there. What if they hurt her? What if they kill her?"

"They might need her for something," Bull said. "There wasn't enough blood for them to have killed her."

"Not all deaths need your victim to bleed," Cole pointed out.

"Yes, but I was hoping you wouldn't realise that," Bull said.

Cole glared at him, the expression surprising Solas. Anger and irritation – these were not typically emotions he would associate with the boy. Perhaps his attachment to Holli ran a little deeper than he'd thought.

He wasn't happy about leaving her there either; it left him feeling ill. But the four of them were no match for an entire fortress of seasoned warriors and whatever demons they had already bound.

"There is little we can do right now, Cole. But Holli is a smart girl; she will find a way to stall or find a way to keep herself safe long enough. She knows Hawke is expected on the morrow."

There was truth in what he said, but it didn't make him feel any better about leaving her to fend for herself. Once Hawke arrived and learned they had Holli, they would surely assault the fortress sooner.

"We should return to camp," Cassandra said.

"I'll stay and watch," Cole said.

A look passed between the three adults that Cole didn't notice, so fixed on watching the fortress.

"I know you don't want to leave her there, but you mustn't enter the fortress alone," Solas told him. "Give me your word."

Cole shook his head. "If I see her, if I think I can get her out, I will," he said, very direct about it. "I'm going to climb higher and keep watch."

"I'll stay with the kid," Iron Bull told them. "If that opportunity arises, he won't be alone. And I'll greatly improve his chances of success."

Cassandra rolled her eyes but nodded, hoping he was joking about not stopping Cole. She and Solas returned to the horses, leaving Cole and Iron Bull with canteens of water. They would take the horses back with them; there was no water out here for them.

With a parting look towards the pair as they climbed higher up a cliff, Solas mounted his horse and rode away, one hand holding the reins to Sunchaser. He wanted to stay, but he also wanted to be there when Hawke arrived so he could ensure swift action. Leaving her there and returning to camp felt like betraying her, or at the very least, failing her. He had enough on his conscience without adding her to it.

Once back at camp, Cassandra filled Harding in on what was happening. Solas surveyed the camp. While the entirety of the attacking force had been killed, so had some of their scouts. Solas would help heal the injured. He certainly wasn't as incredible as Holli had become, but he was proficient. He moved to make his way over to them when something on the ground caught his eye. He crouched down to pick it up, recognising Holli's writing. He scanned the diagrams; there were measurements and notes. It was the bicycle she was going to make for him. She was following through with it; he'd thought it a joke. He felt his lips quirk upwards in a faint smile. He was curious to see how it turned out. He shook the thought off; it would serve no purpose to dwell on her. Best to focus on what he could affect.

It was a long night, and he wasn't able to save them all. And even when there was nothing to do, he knew he wouldn't find sleep. He packed up Holli's things instead, stowing them safely in her pack. He wasn't normally one to pry, but something in her pack caught his eye. It was a bright pink rectangle, so bright it was eye-catching. He took it from her bag, unzipping it. There were pens of various colours and other small implements he was unsure of. There was a narrow piece of card, and he pulled it out. It was a line of four photographs, as she'd called them. They were of her, and the two friends he recognised from the ones he'd seen in the Fade in the room she had created. They were in various poses or pulling ridiculous faces, but Holli looked happy and carefree. He truly hoped they would find her safe and unharmed.

He tucked the photograph away and put the case back in her bag.

It was a few hours after dawn that they heard the sounds of a massive force on the march. Solas was the first to move, able to spot them in the distance. Cassandra came to stand beside him, her brow furrowed as she watched them march. With a resigned breath, she headed towards them, steeling herself for the bad news she had to deliver. Solas walked with her.

When Hawke spotted them, he rode ahead with Fenris and Cullen.

"Maker's Breath, what's happened?" He sounded half amused as he asked it, but it quickly faded at the look Cassandra exchanged with Solas. "Fuck, what is it?"

"The Wardens attacked our camp last night. We lost people," Cassandra said. "And they took Holli."

"To Adamant?"

"Yes."

"Do we know if she's alive?" Cullen asked, his voice hard.

"No. Iron Bull and Cole are watching the fortress," Solas told him.

"If they haven't mounted their own assault," Cassandra muttered.

"Was that likely?" Hawke asked with a raised brow.

"It wasn't completely out of the realm of possibility," Cassandra begrudgingly admitted.

"All right, we march straight on Adamant," Hawke said through gritted teeth.

Chapter Text

Holli sat in her cell, her hands bound with rope in front of her, head leaning back against the cool stone. She wasn't sure what they had done to her, but her mind was a bit higgledy-piggledy. She had thoughts, but they were a bit useless, and certainly couldn't summon the will and focus for magic. Was it a concussion from them knocking her out? Was it some kind of magic that tosser Erimond had cast on her? Had they made her drink something? Injected something into her? Did syringes exist here yet? Had she seen one and couldn't remember?

"Erimond, you wanker!" She yelled.

She had no idea if he could hear her, but there was someone standing outside her cell. Her vision was a bit blurry too, and she was kind of dizzy, so she couldn't make him out at this distance. Too much blue though; Erimond wore a lot of white. Probably a warden.

There were no windows in her cell, so she couldn't tell if it was day or night, and the guy outside her cell didn't speak. In fact, she wasn't sure she had seen him move. Maybe it wasn't a guy, and it was just an armour stand.

"Are you real?" She whispered loudly, squinting her eyes at it to try and focus.

There was an awkward clearing of a throat. "I am."

"Holy shit," she muttered, flinging herself forward and crawling to the bars with a fair bit of difficulty. "Are you a Warden?"

"Yes."

"You have to listen," she slurred, blinking rapidly in a failed attempt to draw a bit of clarity. "Erimond is an absolute shitpile of a person."

"Don't listen to this child," another voice rang out.

Holli tried to look down the hall to see who it was, but the bars stopped that. Didn't matter; he came to stand in front of her anyway. She was pretty sure it was Erimond.

"She's the Herald of Andraste, sir; she closed the Breach."

Erimond laughed derisively. "I assure you, Andraste did not send her. Nothing but lies fall from her mouth."

"What a hypocrite," she snorted.

Erimond reached through the bars and grabbed her by her hair, hauling her up as she let out a pained hiss. This close to his face, her blurry vision wasn't really a problem; she could see him clearly.

"You're going to open a rift for me," he told her. "That is the only reason you're still alive."

"Not because I'm pretty?" She pouted.

His lip curled in disgust.

"I don't know how to open rifts, dipshit."

He smacked her face into the bars, and she cried out.

"Figure it out," he spat.

"How about you go eat a bag of dicks?" She suggested.

Part of her knew she was going to be punished for it, but that spacey part of her didn't give a shit. Really this was his own fault; if she were more in charge of her faculties, she'd probably be more compliant and have a better sense of self-preservation.

"You're a vile little creature," he growled out.

She slapped on her most mean girl voice; every teenage girl had one, couldn't get through high school without one.

"Better than whatever's going on with your face. Your parents weren't siblings, were they?" She summoned as much disgust into her gaze as she could, hoping it was actually coming across.

He let her go, and she dropped to the ground, falling back hard enough to hit the back of her head on the ground. She was too sore and too dizzy to move.

She heard the sound of the cell door being unlocked and opened before she was dragged up again; at least this time it was by her arm and not her hair.

Erimond had a firm grip on her arm as he pulled her out of the cell and down the hallway. She struggled to keep her feet working properly.

A loud, sudden, booming sound had the entire hallway shaking. Dust from above even sprinkled down over them. They both froze for a moment as they waited for the shaking to pass. But then there was another and another. Erimond didn't wait, instead picking up their pace through the hallways.

"What is that?" She muttered.

Erimond ignored her, pulling her along faster. When she started tripping over her own feet, he cursed at her and gripped her tighter, enough to hurt. He dragged her out into the light of day, her eyes squeezing shut at the sudden brightness despite the cloudy skies.

As they carried on, she could hear the sounds of battle, but it was distant. Had Hawke arrived with the army? She thought she could see plumes of smoke coming from other parts of the fortress.

"Hawke?" She wondered.

"He won't get here in time," Erimond told her.

"But he will get here," she said, grinning. "And then you're so fucked," she laughed.

For all his smart assery and lackadaisical demeanour, Hawke was still a kick-ass warrior. And Fenris was the stuff of gory action movies. And that wasn't even counting all the others, all deadly.

Erimond backhanded her across the face so hard she was left reeling, felt like her brain had been smacked right out of her head, leaving her thoughts more scattered than before. Maybe she was fucked too, but hopefully so was he. Because fuck this guy.

-

"There she is!" Cole breathed out, a mix of relief and fear and urgency in those three words.

Solas could see her; she was standing seemingly unaided, but she was swaying, and her eyes seemed dazed, and there were some injuries to her face that he could see. Erimond was beside her as Clarel sacrificed a Warden for her ritual.

"She's not right," Cole said. "Her mind is swirling, and she can't make sense."

The fact that she had thoughts at all was a good sign Erimond and Corypheus were not in control of her via blood magic, at least.

The sacrifice Clarel made was apparently not enough to bring her demon forth, and Erimond ordered Holli to open the rift. Solas could see the veil was already weakened; it wouldn't take much. Despite Holli's lack of experience opening rifts – she had only done it once at the first attempt to seal the Breach – with the veil as thin as it was, it may very well pull for the power from her at the slightest prodding. Solas could even catch glimpses of what awaited on the other side of that rift through particularly thin areas.

"Holli!" Hawke called out, drawing the attention of the Wardens. Holli, however, was nonresponsive. "Fuck, what have they done to her?"

"I don't think she's being controlled," Solas told him. "She's made no move to listen to anyone."

"Stop them!" Erimond ordered, his hand taking hold of Holli's arm, the threat clear. "We must complete the ritual!"

The Wardens drew their blades, their staves, and their bows, ready to obey.

"Clarel, don't do this!" Hawke yelled up to her. "You're making a mistake."

"What, fighting the Blight?" Erimond asked. "Keeping the world safe from darkspawn? Yes, the ritual requires blood sacrifice. Hate me for that if you must, but do not hate the Wardens for doing their duty."

"We make the sacrifices no one else will," Clarel said.

"Is one of those sacrifices the Herald of Andraste? You don't think she sacrificed enough saving the world once?"

"She's not here to be sacrificed; she's here to aid in our ritual. No, it is our warriors who die proudly for a world that will never thank them."

"And then your Tevinter ally binds the mages to Corypheus!" Stroud snapped.

"Corypheus? But he's dead."

"These people will say anything to shake your confidence, Clarel," Erimond told her.

Clarel looked torn for a moment, and Solas thought they might have gotten through to her until she cast a hard gaze at Holli.

"Bring it through. Open the rift," Clarel told her.

That seemed to be all the Wardens needed to advance on them. Holli at least wasn't obeying Clarel's command.

"I trained half of you myself! Do not make me kill you to stop this madness!" Stroud threatened them.

"Be ready with the ritual, Clarel," Erimond said, taking hold of Holli's wrist, the arm that bore the anchor; the other came along, seeing as her hands were bound. "This demon is truly worthy of your strength."

"Blackwall, can you talk some sense into them?" Hawke asked.

He didn't want to kill Wardens if he could avoid it. His sister was a Warden, though thank the Maker she was safe from here.

Blackwall was surprisingly eloquent for a man of few words. Though it could have been his name and reputation that had his fellow Wardens questioning Erimond. Even Clarel looked doubtfully at the man at her side after what he said.

"Clarel, we've come so far; you're the only one who can do this," he tried to convince her.

"Perhaps we could test the truth of these charges, to avoid more bloodshed."

"Or perhaps I should bring in a more reliable ally," he snarled. He pounded the butt of his staff on the stone beneath him. "My master thought you might come here, Inquisitor! He sent me this to welcome you!"

Corypheus's dragon was heard before it was seen, its roar thrumming through their bones. From the darkened sky, it swooped down, unleashing a torrent of magic that bore far too close a resemblance to some of Meredith's powers towards the end. She had been difficult enough, but a dragon with the same power was a terrifying thought.

They dove out of the way, barely managing to avoid its power and its claws. It arced around, its tail destroying towers and statues, causing rock and debris to tumble down and crush anyone too slow.

"We have to get to Holli," Cole said, looking up at where she had been.

One-track mind, that kid. When Hawke looked up, Erimond was fleeing with Holli stumbling beside him. Clarel gave chase.

Hawke and his people had to cut through swathes of demons to follow. But at least for now it seemed the Wardens were no longer against him.

When they finally caught up with Clarel, Holli, and Erimond, they were on a broken bridge. Holli was at the furthest end, lying on the ground, with Clarel a few feet in front of her between her and Erimond.

Everything happened so quickly. Cole went for Holli; Corypheus's dragon returned and snapped up Clarel; Erimond flung a few spells at Hawke and his people; then the dragon was back, and what remained of the bridge was collapsing.

It was a fucking shitshow.

Chapter Text

Holli hit the ground with a thud, lying there while she tried to suck air back into her lungs. Her thoughts were still a little scattered, but they had started to clear back when Erimond summoned Corypheus's dragon. Something about coming face to face with a dragon will do that. Wish she didn't know that.

"Where are we?"

Holli looked up to where Stroud was standing sideways on quite a high narrow rock jutting out of the ground. Maybe she wasn't as clearheaded as she thought.

"We... we were falling."

Upside down on another rocky outcropping stood Hawke, staring about in wonder. This was so freaking Labyrinth. Holli got up, not wanting to be the only one lying down.

"If this is the afterlife, the Chantry owes me an apology. This looks nothing like the Maker's bosom," Hawke said.

Holli snorted in amusement, drawing a smirk from Hawke.

"No, this is the Fade," Solas said, appearing from behind the rock Hawke was on.

"Solas!" Holli offered a wide smile, pleased and relieved to see him, almost skipping to his side.

"You're hurt," he said, taking her chin in hand. Her lip was split, and the side of her face was heavily bruised. He could also see dried blood on her neck. They were small injuries, easy enough for him to heal.

Her shoulders sagged in relief as his magic washed over her, the bruising and swelling evaporating. Even her mind gained a lot more clarity than it'd had. Had it all been a concussion?

"I'm pleased you still live," he told her, a gentle smile on his face that faded quickly when he addressed the others, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder. "Holli opened a rift. We came through... and survived."

It had been a desperate attempt to save them, probably not the best idea, but the only one she'd managed to come up with in her strangely addled panic.

"I never thought I would ever find myself here physically..." He breathed. "Look. The Black City, almost close enough to touch. Cole, how does it feel to be back home?"

Holli hadn't even noticed he was here, but now that she could see him, he looked panic-stricken.

"I-I-I can't be here. Not like this, not like me!"

"It's all right; we'll make it right," Solas tried to assure him.

"This place is wrong. I made myself forget when I made myself real, but I know it wasn't like this!"

Holli took his face in her hands, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "We'll find a way out," she promised.

She hated to see him looking so afraid. She let his face go and pulled him into a tight hug, tight enough to ground him. His arms wrapped tightly around her as well, as if he was afraid he would float away if he let her go.

"It's wrong, Holli," he mumbled into her hair. "I shouldn't be here."

"I'm so sorry. We'll get out."

"It's not how I remember the Fade, either. Perhaps it's because we're here physically, instead of just dreaming," Hawke said. He looked down at Holli. "The stories say you walked out of the Fade at Haven. Was it like this?"

"I don't know," she replied, brushing Cole's hair out of her face. "I still can't remember what happened the last time I was here."

"Well, whatever happened at Haven, we can't assume we're safe now," Fenris growled out. "There was a massive demon right on the other side of that rift Erimond was trying to make you open, and there could be others."

"In our world, that rift was nearby, in the main hall. Can we escape the same way?" Stroud asked.

"It beats waiting around for demons to find us," Hawke said. "Let's go."

"While I'm grateful to still be alive, darling," Dorian said. "You couldn't have just conjured a giant pillow for us to land on instead?"

"Sorry," Holli tsk'd. "I must have had the mark on the wrong setting."

"Don't listen to Sparkler," Varric told her. "Ungrateful sod."

"Did I not expressly say, 'While I'm grateful'?" Dorian argued.

"And then completely shit all over it with the rest of your sentence," Varric chuckled.

Holli let Cole go; he reluctantly parted from her, but he maintained a death grip on her hand, interlacing their fingers as if that would be more secure.

"This is fascinating," Solas remarked as they followed Hawke. "It is not the area I would have chosen, of course. But to physically walk within the Fade..." He let out a contented sigh.

"I don't suppose you have any words of warning for this part of the Fade?" Hawke asked.

"Why would I ever voluntarily come to this part of the Fade?" He asked. "The demon that controls this area is extremely powerful. Some variety of fear, I would guess. I suggest you remain wary of its manipulations and prepare for what is certain to be a fascinating experience."

"Is that why I can't change it, Solas?" Holli asked. "Like I did that one time? Because a demon controls it?"

Holli had been trying to at least make their surroundings a little more easy on the eyes, something a bit more comforting. She had thought perhaps her mind was still too unfocused to manage it.

"That is the dominant reason," Solas replied. "It is also different when we dream. Those are more akin to... pockets, designed for dreamers. This place is not."

"Wrong, wrong, wrong," Cole muttered. "Wringing me out. Wrought right and rigid. Can't relax. Can't release..."

Holli squeezed his hand. "Hey, Cole?"

"What?"

"What's your favourite part of the physical world?" She asked.

He took time to ponder it, the distraction enough to even make him loosen his grip on her.

"I think... being remembered," he finally said. "I helped. I listened. I eased their pain. And then I slipped away. They needed me, but they never kept me. Not because they didn’t care. Because they couldn’t.” He looked down at their hands before looking up at her. “But you remember. You look for me when I leave. You say my name like it matters. Like I matter.”

A silence settled between them, not heavy, just... real maybe?

She squeezed his hand again. "I do remember," she said quietly, offering a smile. "You always matter."

Cole blinked, something easing behind his eyes. He didn’t smile, not exactly, but he stilled. Less frayed.

"Personally, I like the wine," Dorian said a few paces ahead of them.

The others started chiming in with their favourite things about being alive, and the conversation seemed to ease some of the tension in all of them.

Though there were demons in the Fade, there weren't as many as she would have expected. And the others easily dealt with them. Holli helped. A little. Picking off a couple of smaller ones. She found she didn't much have a taste for fighting or killing, even if it was demons.

The Fade was vastly different from her one experience in it. She could see the Black City, and she knew the story of it now. Honestly, she had thought it a myth – like Heaven. But it was really there. What else was real? Was there truly a Maker? Or the elven pantheon?

"Are gods actually real?" Holli suddenly asked.

Travelling at the back of the group, still hand in hand with Cole, she was able to see everyone stop walking and stare back at her. It was mind-boggling to her that gods could exist. She knew people believed in God or gods back in her own world; the concept had always seemed foreign to her, and she had been so sure that on some level they must know it wasn't real. But she was starting to wonder. Did God exist in her world? Had Jesus? She always thought if Jesus had existed, he was just a hippie, and his miracles were exaggerated.

Being here was kind of calling a lot of what she believed into question, and she wasn't sure what to do with it.

"I mean, I've done a lot of reading, and I just kind of assumed it was all religious rhetoric, like it is in my world. But there really is a Black City. Does that mean the Maker's real? And the elven gods? Was Andraste real?"

"Did Andraste not send you?" Stroud asked.

"No. She did not. I've been very clear about that from the start," she said vehemently. "So, are gods real?"

Looks were exchanged between the group. Holli had never heard anyone deny their belief in the Maker; most people she knew here seemed to believe in him to varying degrees. But belief was different than knowing.

"Like, if we popped on up to the Black City, would we find a bunch? Or their remains, or whatever..." She trailed off.

"We are not attempting to reach the Black City, da'len," Solas said firmly, stepping closer to her as if he might need to bar her way.

"I'm not saying we should. I'm asking, if we did, hypothetically, would we really find proof of God's existence?"

Everyone's gaze sort of wandered up to the shadow of the Black City hovering in the sky.

"Where I come from we have holy texts – the Bible, the Kuran, the Sutras – that explain this stuff, like what the Chantry has. But there's no proof; where I come from, people see what they want to see. But the Black City is real. We're looking at it. And if that's real, how much more is real, you know?"

"I don't think there's any real way to answer that," Dorian said. "Just because one thing is real doesn't automatically make it all real. It truly is faith and belief."

Holli huffed. "I was hoping for something more concrete."

"Yes," Dorian smirked. "We've known that about you for some time. You're rather evidence-based. And while that is quite refreshing, not everything can be taken that way."

"That just means we don't know enough yet. That's the whole point in science – answering these questions. And if- if we found God, maybe he could fix my hand and send me home."

"Oh, Holli," Dorian said softly, resting a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Solas and I have been working on it. And we will not stop until we find a way."

She looked to Solas, who offered a slight smile, his own way of offering reassurance. Solas had told her he would help her find a way, but their sessions together had tapered off as she became busy with healing and helping Adan with his research. She hadn't known he'd gotten Dorian involved.

"Thank you, guys," she said, her voice tremulous.

She let go of Cole's hand, slinging her arms around both Dorian's and Solas's necks, pulling them down into a bit of an awkward hug. Both men stiffened at first, taken by surprise, before she felt one hand rest on her lower back and another pat her back higher up as they uncomfortably returned the hug.

"As lovely as this is, I'm not sure this is the best time and place," Hawke pointed out.

Holli squeezed tighter for a moment before she let them go, grateful beyond words.

She really would miss everyone when she left.

Chapter Text

Their group stopped, staring at the elf in front of them. He looked different from the spirits they'd encountered so far. And much to Holli's surprise, he was wearing jeans and an open flannel shirt, with a black t-shirt underneath. But he was an elf. His big blue eyes positively danced when they fixed on Holli, a beaming smile lighting up his handsome face.

"Holiday," he breathed out, genuine relief and joy at seeing her. He looked at her as if she were the only one who existed.

"Do I know you?" She made to step closer, but Hawke placed a restraining hand on her shoulder. There was a sense of familiarity about the man.

"Careful," Hawke murmured.

"My name is Riluan," he told her.

She faltered, a sharp intake of breath. "No, that – that's not right," she said, an edge of scepticism lining her words. "You're an elf. Not that I have anything against elves," she tried to backpedal. "But we don't have elves where I come from."

"I know. I'm from Thedas. Like you, I jumped worlds," he said, coming closer, clearly wanting to hold her, or touch her, or take her hand.

"Holli?" Hawke asked.

"My father's name is Riluan," she explained, unsure. That was the name on her birth certificate. Just a first name, no last. "But... mum would have said if you were an elf. Or if she didn't know what an elf was, she would have mentioned your ears. Or that you came from another world."

"Candace always assumed I was just strange and that my ears were a birth defect," he explained. "I kept them hidden most of the time anyway."

He knew her mum's name. "You can't really be my dad. He's just... he was a deadbeat who bailed the day I was born. Mum said!"

"It could be a trick," Fenris said, drawing his sword. "A demon in disguise."

"No," Solas said. "He is no demon."

Solas's voice seemed to draw Riluan's attention, his joy fading, his eyes turning steely.

"Explain it to me," Holli demanded.

"My little girl, I had no choice in leaving you. I swear it. And I will," he said softly. "I'll answer every question I can in the time we have; I give you my word. But first, the demon working with Corypheus – when you were pulled into the Fade the first time, this demon took a part of you. Recover it, and we can speak."

He swept his arm, indicating the field below. Amidst the rocks and strange pools, there were objects emanating a distinct aura. She recognised these objects - the bathroom door from school, one of Katie's hair clips, she shuddered at the sight of the gun, and the last was the ring her mother wore on a chain around her neck. One of the only things precious enough to the woman not to pawn, no matter how drugged out and desperate she was. She understood the significance of the other three items, not the fourth. Maybe it would be clear when she recovered it.

Of course the items were surrounded by demons; she clenched her fists, gritted her teeth and made her way towards them. She hated fighting, but she'd do it. Hawke and the others were suddenly at her side.

"You don't have to," she said softly. "I think it's a me problem."

"And you're our problem," Hawke said, flashing her a shit-eating grin to show he meant it in the nicest, smart assiest way possible.

Hawke charged in first, drawing their attention, the others following suit. Holli kept to the periphery with the other mages and Varric, picking off their targets and protecting the others from being overwhelmed. When all the demons were dead, Holli went to the bathroom door, unsure what she was actually supposed to do with it. She reached out to it, her fingertips brushing the surface.

"I'm just gonna take a piss, guys," her voice rang out. "Save me a seat on the bus."

She cringed, half at the sound of her own voice and that the others heard it. Hawke looked like he was trying to contain childish snickers.

She cast him a glare that had no real heat to it and moved on. She picked up Katie's hairpin, drops of blood on it.

"Katie!" Holli's voice gasped out.

"Holli, help..."

The fear and anxiety that welled up in her at their voices almost had her doubling over and vomiting. It was made worse as she approached the gun. With great trepidation she stepped towards it, her hand shaking as she reached for it, hesitating just inches from it.

"What is it?" Dorian asked softly.

"It's a thing that hurts," Cole said. "A crack, quick and sharp, and leaves behind deathly cold. In the silence after, you can feel it – the change. Things don't go back the same."

Holli looked at him, biting at her lip. "It's a gun," she uttered, her voice low and broken. "It shoots small, metal projectiles that can travel about three hundred and fifty metres a second. It pierces tissue and shatters bones. With the right calibre and the right distance, it'll rip right through you."

"The objects I dug out of you..." Solas murmured.

She shuddered as she reached out and took hold of it, her fingers wrapping around it and her finger coming to rest on the trigger.

Three loud cracks echoed about them; she couldn't help the flinch at each one. Like the first two items, the gun dissolved.

"I don't know if I want these memories back. The demon can keep them."

"Every memory it keeps makes it stronger," Solas told her. "Hard as it may be, you can face this. You've already lived through it."

Her jaw tightened. "Fine."

She didn't want Solas to think less of her. She didn't want any of them to. With a steadying breath, she took hold of the ring, the last piece of the puzzle.

"I'm just gonna take a piss, guys," she told Yvette and Curtis. "Save me a seat on the bus."

"I already saved us the back one," Curtis told her.

Her friends carried on to the bus while she veered off into the bathroom. Just moments after entering, she could hear the sound of screaming and running feet outside the door, and she whirled around to face it. Then the pops came... She backed away from the door, her heart jumping into her throat. Her eyes darted around, looking at stalls as she contemplated hiding in there, then looking up at the window.

The door burst open, and Katie staggered in, blood all over her.

"Katie!"

Holli rushed over, helping her down to the ground.

"Holli, help..."

Holli tried to put pressure on the wound, blood bubbling out and over her hands. The door opened again, and a boy just a bit older than her entered. He didn't glare, didn't speak, just raised his gun and shot her. Holli fell back, staring at him in fear as she tried to stop her own blood pouring from her wounds. He stepped closer, gun still pointed. Behind him, reality ripped open as he fired again, missing her as they were sucked into the rift like rag dolls. A deafening roar shook the very air around them. Holli slammed into a person, a man she had never seen before, an elf of all things, in jeans and flannel. He held her to him, his arm holding her up while his other hand held something glowing so bright she couldn't make out what it was.

"Hold on," he whispered. "I'll get you to help, sweet girl, just hold on."

The light he was holding glowed brighter and brighter until it engulfed them all. And then it was as if Holli was in two places, in both the Fade and in a room with Corypheus, some Grey Wardens, and an old woman. Holli was standing beside the other elf but also alone, holding Corypheus's orb but also having her hand held there by Riluan.

"What!?" Corypheus spat, horror and anger. "Stop!"

And then the explosion.

Holli gripped her head, hoping the pressure would ease the pain. The others were in similar conditions. Christ, had they witnessed it too?

"So your mark did not come from Andraste," Stroud said, shaking off the vision. "And you really are from another world."

"I caused the explosion..." she gasped out. "If I wasn't there, if I hadn't touched the orb—"

"The explosion could have been Corypheus's intent all along; he knew he could survive it," Hawke told her. "The only difference is you ended up with the Anchor, not him."

"You think so?" She asked hopefully. She didn't want to be responsible for all that death, all that destruction.

Hawke nodded.

She looked up at the man, her father. Her heart thundered in her chest as she stalked towards him.

"You brought me here. How?" She demanded, standing in front of him.

"Magic, Holli. Piggybacking off the power Corypheus was summoning and taking advantage of the weakening in the veil he caused."

"Who are you? How did you end up in London? How did you meet my mum? Why are you here now? Why weren't you with us?"

"So we're just accepting he's not a demon?" Dorian asked with a raised brow.

"Solas said he isn't," Holli snapped, a little irritated, a little freaked out. Her hands were shaking.

She'd not expected to be hit with a revelation like this, not today. Not ever. After growing up believing her father was just some dickhead – there were plenty of them in her world – he had been the furthest thing from her mind. A disappointment she'd never bothered to grieve.

"I am Riluan," he told her, his eyes shot to Solas's for a moment. "I existed here, in Thedas, many years ago. I was in a battle; powerful magics came into play; the orb included, and I suspect it was the reason I didn't die. I thought I was to die, and instead, I woke up in London. To Candace. I've never managed to figure out how it happened. And I am currently in the Fade because I... The day you were born, I died," he said, reaching out and brushing some of her hair back behind her ear, and she flinched at the unexpected tenderness.

"How?"

"By giving my life to you. You died during the birth," he said quietly. "The cost of reviving the dead is... substantial."

Holli blinked hard, trying to stop the sting and the wetness. "I thought – I thought mum was just being hateful all those times she said I was never supposed to exist."

"She was being hateful," he said, a quiet, sorrowful fury in his tone. "She should not have said such things to you."

"She'd say if I died like I was supposed to, you'd still be there. I just – I thought you wanted her to abort, and she just didn't, so you left."

Holli felt sick. All this time she'd thought he was just a piece of shit, but he'd killed himself for her.

"Magic can't do that," Dorian said. "Even blood magic can't revive the dead like that."

"I think between Holli and myself, we've managed to redefine some of magic's limitations," he said, his voice hard, his eyes glaring.

"You died because of me," Holli squeaked out.

He turned his attention back to her, his hands going to her shoulders. "No. I died for you. Willingly. It is a choice I would make a thousand times over. There is no father who wouldn't. Now, I wish we had more time, but the demon and Corypheus. He intended to rip open the Veil, use the Anchor to enter the Fade, and throw open the doors of the Black City. When we disrupted his plan, the orb bestowed the Anchor upon you instead. I did not intend it; I just wanted to use the power of the orb to get you here, where magic could save you. It didn't go as planned. You must believe I would never do anything to hurt you."

Holli didn't know what to believe. It was a lot. Her whole world – both worlds – was falling apart.

"You brought me here. You can send me home," Holli said.

He looked pained. "That is...not a good idea."

"Why?"

"There's nothing for you there anymore."

"Are you mental? Mum is there, Curtis and Yvette, my home, my life."

"Candace... has since... died, Holli. Overdose, I suspect," he told her, his voice pained.

Holli stared at him, a deep line between her brows. She could feel how hard she was frowning as she processed the words, trying to figure out if he was telling the truth or not.

Holli shook her head. "You don't know that. You can't know that. You're here, in the Fade. There is no Fade back home."

"I'm connected to both worlds," he said, raising his hand for her to see. Tattooed around his finger was a replica of the ring her mother wore. "That ring was forged with magic. I gave it to your mother. And through it I maintained my connection to Candace and, through our shared blood, to you. It's how I knew you were in trouble, how I knew to bring you here. And my connection to the orb was how I managed it."

"You're lying. Or you're wrong," she argued.

"I'd rather you not see this, but I'm unsure how else to make you believe," he said, crouching down and brushing his fingertips along the water of the puddle nearby. In it, a picture formed. It was Candace; she was sitting on a floor, leaning against a bed. Holli recognised her mum's duvet and the carpet in her room. The woman was motionless, her eyes open and unblinking and empty. Her skin was discoloured, and her head slumped to the side. Around her arm was a makeshift tourniquet, and still hanging in her arm was an empty syringe.

"No, it's a trick. You have to prove it's real," she demanded.

"How can I possibly prove it? Anything I show you, you can accuse of being magic or trickery."

He was right. She didn't know how he could prove it. What evidence she would accept. She looked desperately back at the others.

"Is there a way to know? Some kind of magical lie detector test?" She asked, panic tinging the edges of her words.

"He's telling the truth," Cole told her. "It hurts him to hurt you."

Holli stared at Cole, her heart racing as the meaning caught up with her. It was difficult with the buzzing in her ears.

"Then my friends, Yvette and Curtis, my school, my home. I have to get back to them I-"

Riluan shook his head sadly. "The magical backlash of bringing you here caused an explosion on par with the Conclave through the rupture between worlds left in your wake. Your school and the blocks surrounding it were destroyed, just as the Conclave was. I am so sorry, Holli," Riluan finished with a whisper.

Her eyes shot back to his, and the buzzing in her ears crescendoed as the realisation, what it meant, hit like a tidal wave.

"Did – did you know?" She gasped out, each breath shallower than the last as the crushing guilt felt like it was suffocating her. "Did you know it would kill everyone? People I grew up with? My best friends!?"

"I knew it was likely."

"And you did it anyway!?"

"I gave my own life for yours; do you truly think I'd have any qualms about sacrificing strangers?" He asked her.

Her breath left her in a rush, her jaw dropped, her heart stopped, and her mind spiralled.

And then she screamed. The sound cracked like thunder through the Fade. She lunged at him, hurling every curse, every insult her grief could conjure.

They weren't strangers to her! How could he do this?

Fenris was the quickest to react, lifting her off the ground and holding her back. In strength, he absolutely dwarfed her, and her struggles against him to attack the bastard in front of her were useless, her strength draining as quickly as it had hit her.

"You shouldn't have done it; you should have just let..." she gasped out, going limp in Fenris's arms and not quite able to finish the sentence.

"Let you die? Never," he told her, as if the very idea was so unfathomable to him.

"Oh my god..." She groaned.

The ill feeling in her stomach bubbled up, and she vomited, thankfully not all over Fenris. But there was some bitter satisfaction in droplets landing on Riluan's shoes and the bottom of his jeans.

It was too much. She looked up at him from where she was crouching down.

She finally met her father, learned who he was, and... and he was a monster.

"I hate you," she breathed out.

Riluan crouched beside her, eyes shining. "I'm just glad you're alive to do so."

Chapter Text

Solas watched Holli where she sat at the edge of camp. She was sitting on a large rock, arms wrapped around her closely drawn knees and her face mostly hidden behind them as she faced away from everyone. She looked much smaller than she had just hours ago when she'd stepped out of the rift and used it to utterly obliterate the demons around it. It had been quite a sight, and he hadn't known her capable of such... ferocity.

But then, she was angry and grieving and still trying to come to terms with all that she had learned in the Fade; the weight of that tragedy had settled over her. Not to mention whatever violence she had endured at the hands of the Wardens who had kidnapped her.

How she felt about Hawke giving the Wardens a second chance, he didn't know. She'd barely said a word since meeting Riluan. And Hawke had spun the story of what happened in the Fade, that it had been Holli's actions and her power that had freed the minds of the Wardens from Corypheus and his demons.

She had managed to shunt aside whatever she was feeling to heal the injured, both Wardens and Inquisition soldiers. Sudden movements by the Wardens did have her flinching away, lingering fear from her abduction. Understandable. In the end, Dorian had put a stop to her endeavours after she'd healed the most grievous patients. It was taking too much of a toll on her, and they didn't want to risk a similar trance to what they'd experienced with Loewe back in Skyhold.

It was an unspoken agreement by all who had been there that what happened in the Fade was her secret to tell or not. It was obvious to them all she felt responsible for the deaths of both the Conclave and her home. He was at a loss on how to dissuade her of the notion. While her presence had been a catalyst, it had not been her choice, and no decision she had made had put that orb in her hand. But she would be deaf to any attempts to convince her otherwise at the moment.

And then to see her mother like that – that would take a toll on anyone. The knowledge she had lost her mother, her best friends... She had lost everyone and everything she had known, and there was no way back.

"I don't know how to make her hurt go away," Cole said from beside him. "I can't undo it, and it's all she wants."

"For now, she needs time, Cole," he told the boy softly. "This is a pain that will mark her in a way you could never imagine."

Solas looked down at him. He was wringing his hands and watching Holli intently.

"In the Fade, when she hugged me, I felt better. More solid and myself and safe."

Solas could admit Holli's hugs had an effect. It was the first time in thousands of years anyone had hugged him, and Cole was right; he had felt more solid and himself, and strangely enough, there had been an inexplicable sense of safety. Or perhaps it had been more grounding for him; he'd felt connected. To what he wasn't sure. Less adrift at sea.

"I'm afraid she would not be receptive to much of anything right now," Solas told him.

Cole nodded his understanding. "She only knows how to manage alone."

Solas had gathered that some time ago. He had noticed her tendency to repress or to try and work through anything emotionally charged on her own. He understood it; he was similar. But this, this was far too big for anyone to just accept and move on alone. On top of all these deaths she was now carrying, she had also lost everyone she cared about as well as any hope of going home. It was a heavy blow that would leave anyone reeling.

The others had noticed her distance and her mood. All they had been told was that she learned her mother had died. They'd needed an explanation, Cassandra especially. The woman didn't like it when people hid things from her.

"I suspect she'll not be sleeping tonight," Solas told him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Keep an eye on her."

Cole nodded.

Solas left him to it, heading to his own tent. It was late, and he had a former compatriot to speak with.

It seemed Riluan also wanted to speak. He was waiting in the Fade when Solas went to sleep.

"Fen'Harel," Riluan greeted with a nod. "I almost didn't recognise you without your hair."

Riluan had been a friend, a long time ago, before the Evanuris, before... before everything. Solas had thought him dead, killed by Elgar'nan in battle; that had been the plan. He had mourned the loss, necessary as it had been. To see him now...

"Riluan," Solas greeted, his tone containing the same distance Riluan had used. "I thought—"

"That I'd died? It took some time to realise and more still to accept. But that had been the plan, hadn't it? You never expected us to survive, let alone succeed."

"No," he replied honestly. "It was... regrettable, but necessary."

"Felassan expressed his concerns over your growing ruthlessness. But I believed in you. I trusted you. More fool me. Though I suppose, without that betrayal, I would not have met Holli's mother."

"You were expelled from here... to London?"

"I was. What do you know of London?"

"Only what Holli has shown me."

"Never could have conceived of a place like that myself," he said through gritted teeth.

"Nor I." Solas wondered if he needed to be prepared for an attack.

"I was surprised to find myself there. Not quite as surprised upon my return to the Fade to find thousands of years had passed in my absence. It's not even been twenty for me. London was certainly... an experience, living there a few years. Finding love, starting a family... losing it all," he said, strolling about the glade they were in, almost like a predator circling prey. "What happened, Fen'Harel? I've tried to glean what I can from in here, but you know how spirits can be. This is not the world I left."

Solas nodded, clasping his hands at his back. It was not the world he'd left either; on that, they were on near equal footing.

Taking a breath, he explained what he could. He didn't go into much detail, but he ensured Riluan would walk away with more concise knowledge of the past and the fates of Elgar'nan and Ghili'nain.

When Solas finished his explanation, he gave Riluan time to absorb it.

"You and Holli wear the same expression when you're thinking," Solas noted.

The mention of his daughter brought a faint smile to his face, but only briefly as he recalled their recent interaction.

All this time Holli had reminded Solas of someone; it seemed so obvious now that he was looking at Riluan. The same blue eyes, the same cheekbones, and colouring.

"Thank you for saving her; I'd hoped someone would be able to," Riluan said. "I never expected it would be you."

"Why couldn't you? You had her here, in the Fade. You were the greatest healer I'd ever known. Until your daughter."

"Bringing her here, shielding her from all that magic and keeping her alive long enough to make it to help, I had nothing left. Death has weakened me. I always thought I would revert to my old self were I ever to die."

"Are you disappointed?" Solas asked.

"No. Not if it lets me maintain my sense of self and my memories and connections. I would not have been able to protect Holli otherwise."

Solas had never imagined Riluan as a father. And despite it having only been twenty or so years for the man, he was vastly changed. There was a harder edge to him, and he wasn't so quick to smile and make jokes. Even serious situations had not deterred his sense of humour back in the day.

But that had been before he'd been sent to die on Solas's orders. Of course he would not look upon Solas as the friend he'd once considered him.

"What of you?" Riluan asked. "From what I have seen, no one you've surrounded yourself with knows who you truly are. Why are you hiding?"

"In these modern times, Fen'Harel does not have the best reputation—"

"Deservedly so."

The words stung, but he kept any trace of that from his face. "What is left of our descendants is so far removed from what we once were, with so little left of our history; revealing who I am would be counterproductive at worst; I'd be labelled a madman at best."

He had only been awake a little over a year; there was work to be done, connections to be reforged, and power to be regained. It would take time. And once Corypheus was dealt with, he would have plenty of it.

"Counterproductive to what?" Riluan asked. "What are you planning?"

"I will undo my mistake and restore the world."

"How?"

"I haven't made it that far yet. At present, all I currently have is a goal and the bare bones of a plan."

Riluan nodded. "I served you faithfully while I lived. I considered you a dear friend."

"I considered you one as well," Solas assured him.

"I've seen where that gets people. You intended to kill me off; for that, I am... less than pleased. But you saved my daughter; as you know, there is little I wouldn't pay for that. Do me the favour of protecting her. Whatever happens with the Inquisition, with the Anchor, and whatever you plan, protect her through it. Guide her. She has the potential to be as we are, as I was. I worry about her being left alone."

Solas's eyes widened slightly at the shock. "You suspect she has your immortality?"

It would make sense. He'd given his life to bring back hers. She was essentially, only alive through his magic and the life force he had to pour into it to achieve such a feat. Her veins ran with his blood, but her heart beat with his magic, the raw magic of the spirit he once was.

"I know she does. I'm just not sure what will activate it. She is only elf-blooded, after all. But she is made of magic too."

Solas nodded. Her being elf-blooded came as no surprise to him, but where she got that elf blood from certainly did. And given her father was Riluan and the gift he'd bestowed on her to give her life at her stillbirth, it went a fair way to explaining why she was so powerful.

They were, all of them, warped creatures.

"I'd hoped to play a more active role in her life now she is within reach, but she doesn't dream in the Fade. So I turn to you."

"I am curious," Solas said. "It sounds as if her mother was... lacking. I have trouble believing you would..."

"The Candace I fell in love with was not the same one that raised Holli. After seeing her newborn daughter miraculously come back to life after being declared dead and watching the love of her life fade before her eyes, it may have led her to make decisions she wouldn't have otherwise made. It was the start of a downward spiral. I could only watch helplessly from the Fade. And even then my access was limited; the connection... janky."

"Janky?"

Riluan shook his head with a roll of his eyes. "Yes. Janky."

A word picked up from Holli's world, likely. He'd heard a few from her himself. Context helped with some of them; others required explanation.

"Holli is resilient; she's had to be. But I worry this will be what pushes her over the edge. Be vigilant. Protect her, guide her, do not sacrifice her in whatever machinations you have in mind, and I will serve you just as faithfully as I did before."

Solas nodded. "I do have need of you."

Riluan nodded. "Name it."

Excellent. Solas hadn't anticipated this reconnection, but now that Riluan was back, he could make use of him. Even if he was relegated to the Fade.

And to watch over Holli was not a task he needed to be convinced of. He was fond of her and would have done so without being asked.

It would... pain him to meet her eye – Riluan's eyes – knowing he'd intended to send her father to his death.

That he'd survived didn't entirely alleviate the guilt.

Chapter Text

Holli managed a couple of hours of sleep; it had been hard to quiet her mind enough. The guilt, the dread, the fury – it all gnawed at her. She'd thought waking up in a completely different world had been a kicker; turned out there were way worse things.

Some people had tried to speak with her, offer food and water. She'd had no appetite for either but forced down some water to please Cassandra. Varric had sat with her, told her the others knew of her mother but nothing else. She could share it or keep it to herself; they were leaving it up to her.

She didn't want anyone to know the explosion at the Conclave had been her fault or that it had blasted through worlds to her own. Maybe it was cowardly, but she wasn't sure she could face that blame. She didn't like being lauded as a hero or some kind of chosen one, but she figured it would be worse to be seen as the villain. The murderer of – had it been thousands if she factored in both the Conclave and London?

Some of the others had sat with her as well; some tried to talk, and some just sat with her in silence. No one expected her to talk back; they didn't expect anything of her, and she was grateful for it. She was struggling to even think of what to say.

Everyone was being nice, but what if they didn't mean it? What if those that knew hated her for what she did? Cole had kept watch over her while keeping his distance, like he expected her to go on a murderous rampage. Solas had gone straight to bed, completely avoiding her.

Maybe they were being nice just to keep the peace because they still needed her to close rifts. And painting her as the villain now would be counterproductive to the Inquisition's aims. They would look mighty stupid if they came out and admitted the girl they'd been lauding as a hero was actually the reason for all their troubles.

But the others didn't know. Only Solas, Cole, Hawke, Fenris, Varric, and Dorian knew. Stroud too, but he was most likely dead.

Then there was the death of her mother and her friends. Another bitter pill to swallow. The introduction of her father – a Thedosian native, an elf! And a man with no remorse at the idea of sacrificing so many lives as long as it meant his daughter lived. She understood fathers loved their daughters, but surely there had to be a line.

And as for her mother, had she gone quickly? Or if it were slow, had she at least been so drunk and high she had no idea what was happening? No fear and pain. She hoped so.

"Holli, it's time to go," she heard Cassandra call.

Holli quickly swiped at her eyes. She felt as if she had been doing a lot of crying lately. She was usually better at holding her shit together.

Hauling herself to her feet, she grabbed her pack and pulled it on. She had opted to forgo the horse. There had been a lot of injuries in the battle yesterday, and Holli had healed what she could until she was dizzy and exhausted, and Dorian forced her to stop and rest. There were other healers, other herbalists, who could deal with the rest. She had, of course, healed the worst cases first. But there were still injured who needed the horse more than her.

Holli lingered at the rear of the march, mired in her thoughts. It was the same stuff, just over and over. Regret, guilt, fear, anger, grief, all roiling in the pit of her stomach and making her feel sick. What if she had never gone into that bathroom? What if she had barricaded the door before the shooter could enter? What if she'd just never gone to school that day? She wanted to vomit, to claw at her skin and rip out her hair, and scream at the top of her lungs until they collapsed.

But she just walked. One foot in front of the other, biting the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood.

Someone fell into step beside her, and she looked up to see Sera. The elf's eyes were fixed ahead.

"Sorry about your mum, yeah?" She muttered.

Holli nodded.

"If you want to use my bow and shoot stuff, you can," she said, lifting her arms and resting her hands on the back of her head, looking up at the sky. "Sometimes you just need to... wreck stuff. But I guess you've got fire for that."

She did. She did have fire. She could walk into a forest and just burn it to the ground if she wanted. Probably not. Maybe if it was a small forest. But her desire to inflict damage was pretty much limited to herself.

Holli opened her mouth to say something – thank her for her condolences, maybe? Nothing came out.

She had only ever been to one funeral in her life. Her nans. They'd had the funeral; people had offered their condolences to the family, who'd thanked them for coming.

It had felt hollow then, and it felt hollow now. Not what Sera said, just the gratitude Holli was supposed to express.

"Are you sure it was even true?" Sera asked. "Fade shit doesn't seem all that reliable. Even Solas says it's all interpretation and perspective."

Holli wasn't sure what story they had spun to explain this; she should probably find out so she didn't fuck it up.

"Yeah, we're – we're pretty sure," she replied quietly.

Part of her wanted to hold out hope the man had been lying or wrong. But Cole seemed so certain he was telling the truth, and Solas had agreed Riluan's story was entirely likely. The only thing Solas couldn't be sure about was whether he'd been telling the truth about her mother. But then, Cole had been certain. And when it came to people, he was pretty bang on.

Sera looked around; there was no one behind them; they truly were at the back of the army.

"Come on," Sera said, pulling her off the path and into the trees. The forest – if she wanted to get loose with the word – was quite sparse, so they could still see the army or at least the dust they were kicking up in their wake.

Sera led her to a bit of a clearing. There wasn't much to it – the trees around them, some rocks and boulders, and a few bushes.

"Here", Sera said, gesturing to the clearing. "Have at it."

Holli's brow furrowed questioningly.

"Set the trees on fire, blow those rocks to bits, shock the bushes with lightning."

Holli stared out across the clearing, her hands never leaving the straps of her backpack.

"Sera—" She started. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I just – I don't want to. Besides, if I set the trees on fire, I risk starting a huge problem."

"One of the other mages could probably fix it," Sera shrugged.

"I don't really want to cause any anymore problems," Holli told her. She'd caused enough.

Sera just rolled her eyes. "So what if you got kidnapped by Wardens? It wasn't your fault. Everyone's got to piss."

Christ, did everyone know that story? But no, the kidnapping wasn't at the forefront of her mind. If she could feel worse, she would at that reminder.

"Maybe another time," Holli said.

Right now, she just felt tired, like all the energy had been sapped from her, and all she wanted to do was curl in a ball and scream and cry. But she sure as shit wasn't going to lose it with an army for an audience. She had enough presence of mind for that.

Sera took her bow in her hands, firing off an arrow into a tree. The thunk it made when it hit had Holli flinching. She didn't even know why. Her nerves and her senses just felt... raw.

"Sure you don't want to smash some rocks at least?"

Holli shook her head.

"Do you want to – want to talk about your mum?" Sera asked awkwardly, picking at something underneath her fingernails.

"Did you want to talk about yours after she died?" Holli asked flatly.

Sera had lost two mothers; though she couldn't remember her biological mother, she could remember her foster mother. And she had lost her foster mother when she was so young too.

"No, I wanted to wreck stuff, but you don't want to do that, so..."

Holli sighed, bending down to pick up a rock. She hurled it with all her might at the boulder in the middle of the clearing. She looked to Sera as if to ask, 'Satisfied?'

"It really only works if you get into it and release some of that pent-up grief," Sera pointed out.

"I don't think pointless destruction is my outlet," Holli told her.

"It's not pointless; it's to help you get it out."

Besides, her mother's death wasn't the only thing weighing on her and the guilt that came with not being there for her when she needed it. She also had the guilt of those people her father had sacrificed just to save her. It had been his decision, so why did she feel so awful about it? The only thing she wanted to destroy was him; she wanted to claw his fucking eyes out, reduce him to a cowering puddle on the floor and then keep kicking him. Chucking rocks at rocks, or killing a bunch of helpless animals in a forest fire, wasn't going to make her feel better.

"What are you two doing?" They looked behind them to see Bull standing there, watching them curiously.

"Nothing," Sera replied, her tone suggesting he mind his own business.

"We were just about to head back," Holli told him.

"Better hurry it up; your disappearance has been noticed," he said, ushering the girls back to the march.

Holli picked up her pace, hoping whoever noticed hadn't stopped the whole procession and set everyone to looking for her. Right now she just wanted to be invisible.

"There you are," Cassandra said from high up on her mount.

"Did you need something?" Holli asked.

"Don't wander off; there is still danger about."

Holli nodded.

"She wasn't alone," Bull assured, Sera falling back into step beside Holli.

"Well, thank the Maker for that," Cassandra drawled sarcastically, a bit of a condescending look thrown Sera's way.

"Oh, piss off," Sera rolled her eyes.

"Stay out of trouble, you two," Bull told them, heading further up to join his Chargers.

"Just for that, we should get in trouble," Sera muttered.

"Holli doesn't want to," Cole said, appearing beside them.

Fuck, how long had he been there all invisible? Sera glared at him for suddenly appearing like that.

"You don't know what she wants," Sera retorted.

"No. I just know she doesn't want that," Cole replied.

"I can speak for myself," Holli sighed. "But he's right. I don't want to get into trouble, Sera. I just want to get back to Skyhold."

"You hate the cold."

"My room is warm."

She just wanted the warmth, safety, and privacy of her own room.

"Yeah, all right," Sera said.

She would drop it for now. Holli needed more time before she'd even be able to figure out what might help.

-

Camping with the army was a vastly different experience than with the few people she usually travelled with. She hated the feeling of being watched, like all eyes were on her, picking apart her every move. It could have just been her paranoia; she'd felt like this before in her own world. She remembered vividly standing on the street while the paramedics rolled her mother into their ambulance. There had been plenty of neighbours and people just heading down the street on their way to somewhere who had stopped to watch the commotion. She hated it then, and she hated it now.

Holli made her way away from the campfire; she was just going to go to her tent. She and Cassandra were still sharing one. She bumped into Cullen as she'd been weaving through the tents.

"Oh, Holli," he said softly, his expression sympathetic as he laid a hand on her shoulder. "My condolences. If there's anything you need..."

Holli nodded, staring down at the ground. "Thanks," she replied. It still felt hollow.

She brushed past him and continued on her way, finding the tent she shared with Cassandra. It was easy to find; the tent had a dark red stain on it from their trip back from Val Royeaux all those months ago. Sera had set a prank for Cassandra involving some kind of berry juice and a slingshot. Holli thought Cassandra was going to kill the elf right then and there. She was surprisingly restrained that day.

Holli slipped into her tent, sitting on the bedroll. Her pack was already there, and she pulled out her torch and one of her books, hoping to slip into the pages and disappear for a while. She found it difficult to focus, her mind still whirling around her mother's death, her guilt at not being there for her, and all the other deaths caused because of her. She couldn't get rid of the image Riluan had shown her of her mum on the floor like that. It wasn't something Holli hadn't seen before, with the exception being the woman was dead.

If Holli had been there, she could have found her sooner, given her the Narcan Holli kept under her bed, and called an ambulance. She had used the money from her part-time job to buy a kit for this specific purpose.

When Holli realised she had read the same page like ten times and still hadn't absorbed a word on it, she slammed it shut and just crawled into her bedroll to try and sleep. Trying to sleep just brought the same problem as trying to read. Her mind couldn't focus, just obsessing about it, picking apart the image of her mother sitting there. Or the explosion her friends and other students and teachers had been caught in, on top of being shot at. All the families that had been shattered that day.

And then the crying started. She tried to keep it quiet, pulling up the blanket of her bedroll tighter around her to muffle it. She didn't want anyone outside to hear her.

When she heard the tent flap open and Cassandra enter to bed down for the night, Holli bit her lip in an effort to stop. She heard the ruffling of Cassandra getting ready for bed before she lay down. Holli hoped she would fall asleep fast because the tears weren't stopping. She tried to sniffle quietly and barely moved when she wiped her eyes.

"You can cry as loudly and as much as you need, Holli," she heard Cassandra's voice. "I'll not mind, and there is no shame in it."

Holli didn't say anything.

"When I was younger," Cassandra began. "I had an older brother. His name was Anthony. Growing up, he was my favourite person. There was no one I loved more. He was a dragon hunter; he was making quite the name for himself."

Holli rolled over, looking at the other woman. In the dim light from the fires outside, she could see Cassandra was staring straight up at the roof of their tent, her eyes distant.

"When I was twelve, a group of bloodmages cut off his head in front of me because he refused to help them."

Holy fuck, that was horrible.

"I was inconsolable for days," she said. "Then I was just angry. An all-consuming rage. I wanted vengeance; I wanted justice. Really, I just wanted my brother back. Whatever you feel in the coming days and weeks... months even. You don't have to go through it alone."

Holli lay in silence for a while.

"I'm sorry about your brother," she uttered quietly.

"And I'm sorry about your mother."

Chapter Text

Holli tried really hard to just be normal during the day. To be helpful, to chat, to be friendly, and to smile. And when anyone brought up her mother, she donned the appropriate sombre expression and nodded her thanks for the acknowledgement. It was hard, though. And she was so tired.

What few hours of sleep she managed were interrupted by terrible dreams. She knew she had been shot, and she vaguely remembered Katie's state when she'd come into the bathroom. But regaining those memories had made it much more clear. Now she had a face to her shooter and Katie's pleas echoing in her ears. And now she had so many more people in that ice-cold cave. Curtis and Yvette. Her other classmates scattered around with bullet holes in them and pools of blood around them. Her mother was there too, needle in her arm, eyes empty and unmoving.

It all made for fitful nights with little to no rest gained.

She didn't expect it to improve when she got back to Skyhold, but she was still relieved to see the castle come into view. If she had the energy, she would have run across that bridge.

When they got into the courtyard, she slipped away, making for her room. With another sigh of relief she shut the door behind her, dumped her pack on the floor and dropped into the seat at the desk. She sank into it, staring up at the ceiling. It felt like the most privacy she'd had in a long time.

There was only a few hours until dinner time; she would put in an appearance, force something down, then come back to sleep. She would make a detour to storage and get some lyrium. She remembered how Solas had guided her to the Fade. If she could manipulate her own dream, she might actually be able to sleep properly. Banish the nightmares.

She tried to pass the time with reading; there weren't too many books left in here that she hadn't read. She had been steadily working her way through them since claiming this room.

There didn't seem to be a common theme, a wide range of subjects and genres, both fiction and non-fiction. During one particularly slow rainy afternoon, she had organised them.

It felt like forever before dinner rolled around. She'd had a few visitors come in and check on her – Leliana and Josephine, both having heard about her mother and wanting to see if she needed anything. Holli had just smiled and thanked them. Hawke had poked his head in as well but didn't stay long once she assured him she was fine and just resting from the journey.

When she heard another knock on her door, she looked up with a sigh, surprised to find Solas and Cole there. Cole had lingered close by on the trek back but hadn't really talked. Solas was similar but not as close. She had felt his eyes on her though, watching her, picking apart every move she made. Did they see her differently now?

"Hi?" She greeted them, a little confused they were here given the distance since Adamant.

"You're unsure?" Solas asked, his brow furrowed.

Holli shook it off. "No. Um, hi. What's up?"

"We're on our way to the Herald's Rest for dinner; we thought we'd walk with you," he said.

To make sure she ate, most likely.

"Oh," she stood up. "I was just about to go. Thanks."

She followed them out, making their way towards the tavern. She smiled and she chatted, as she'd been doing the whole trek back, commenting on how the repairs and renovations had progressed in their absence.

"You don't have to do it if you're not feeling it," Cole suddenly said, interrupting her.

He'd parroted her words from what felt like a lifetime ago back to her, and it had struck her dumb for a moment. Of course he would be able to hear or feel her hurt.

"Fake it 'til you make it," she shrugged.

"That is not how grief works, Holli," Solas said.

"Well, I don't know how grief works; I've never lost anyone before. I've certainly never killed hundreds of people before either," she snapped, though the last of her statement was more a harsh whisper.

"You didn't kill anyone," Cole said, confusion creeping into his voice.

"He's right," Solas agreed. "Do you still think you hold any responsibility for what happened that day?"

"If I hadn't been there – if I hadn't touched that orb – if I hadn't gone to the bathroom, everything could be different."

"You didn't choose to touch the orb; you were barely conscious. Remember, we all witnessed that memory. What happened was a tragedy, but not one caused by you."

"I didn't cause it entirely, but—"

"You didn't cause it at all."

"Agree to disagree," she shrugged.

Her father had caused it, yes, but because she had been dying. Her father, her problem. And she used to think her mother was a problem...

"No, I will not agree to that." He let out a frustrated sigh. "Words will not convince you. They haven't in the past."

She huffed at that. She had never used magic in her life; why would she believe him just because he said she had it?

They entered the tavern; while it didn't go conspicuously silent, there was a lull in the volume, and her presence drew more than a few looks, sympathetic ones. So everyone knew her mum was dead then.

"Maybe I'll just eat in my room," she said quietly.

"Holli!" Dorian called, waving her over.

He was sitting with Iron Bull, Krem, and Sera. Holli wasn't much in the mood for company, but nor did she want to be rude or give anyone cause for concern. She greeted them all with a smile and sat down, more chairs being pulled up for Solas and Cole.

"You don't often grace us with your presence in the tavern, Solas," Dorian noted.

"Yes, there is a reason for it," he replied, looking unblinkingly at Dorian.

"Starting shit early tonight, I see," Bull muttered into his stein.

By now it was obvious their digs were nothing more than habit, and neither took any real offence to the words. While they did have some fundamental differences and disagreements, they actually got on fairly well.

"What would you like, Holli?" Solas asked, he would go and put the order in with Cabot.

"Does he do cheesy garlic bread?" She asked.

She hadn't had any of her favourites since before coming here. No garlic bread, no pizza, no chips, no berry smoothies. They did have bread that came close, but it didn't have the garlic butter; it was just normal butter and cheese. Maybe garlic bread wasn't a Ferelden thing. She had been planning to gorge herself once she got home, but that wasn't ever going to happen.

"Actually, just worry about you and Cole. I'll be back," she said, getting up and making for the bar. "Hey, Cabot," she greeted.

"Evening, lass. What can I do for you?"

"Can I please use your kitchen and ingredients to make myself something real quick? I won't get in the way."

"I can have someone make it for you; what is it?"

"Just cheesy garlic bread; it's easy; I can do it. You guys look busy."

While there wasn't much in the way of food being made, there were plenty of drinks being served and messes to clean.

"All right, have at it."

"Thanks."

She ducked back into the kitchen. She had been back here a couple of times, not to actually use the facilities though. And she knew there were other kitchens in the bowels of the castle, but the head chef or kitchen master or whatever it was called here was far more strict than Cabot and his people.

One of the serving girls was in there; all the rest were out on the floor. She looked up at Holli's entrance. Holli gave a little wave.

"Hi," she greeted. "Cabot said I could make something."

The girl looked a little startled and bowed low. "O-of course, Lady Herald."

"Just Holli," she said, heading to the pantry to dig up her ingredients. "Where do you keep your butter and garlic?"

The girl quickly jumped to action, fetching more than enough. Holli smiled her thanks and set to work. She wouldn't be doing anything drastic like baking the bread from scratch. They had made loaves already; she just sliced it up, melted some butter, crushed some garlic and sprinkled some salt into it before slathering it into the bread and stuffing it full of cheese. She would have preferred some tin foil to wrap it in, but when she asked, the girl had no idea what she was talking about. All good, all good. She'd make do.

When the cheese was melted and her bread looked nice and toasty, she pulled it out, chopping it up. Cheesy garlic bread was a comfort food, one she could not imagine going the rest of her life without.

She offered some to the serving girl, who hesitantly took a piece, biting into it. Holli was watching for her reaction, so she was probably making the girl uncomfortable.

"Good?" Holli asked.

The girl nodded, wide-eyed, like she was expecting Holli to punish her if she dared say anything to the contrary. Holli just smiled and took her plate out to the table. She slid it to the centre so they could all try if they wanted.

"Rather a lot of cheese," Dorian pointed out.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," she said, biting into her own piece. Not as awesome as some of the ones she'd had in her time, but not the worst either. It was satisfying enough, she supposed. Not quite the taste of home she'd been after. She ate in silence, half listening to the voices around her and waiting for an appropriate amount of time to have passed so she could leave. The company was fine; she just wasn't in the mood for it.

When the plate of garlic bread was gone, she took that as her cue to leave, bidding them goodnight. She wasn't blind to the concerned looks from the others, but no one said anything. At least not to her.

On her way back to her room she detoured to the lyrium storage. It wasn't hard to get some; they all knew she was a mage and that she often worked in the infirmary healing people. And she wasn't asking for a suspicious amount, so it was handed over easily.

Then she returned to her room, changed into her pyjamas, settled into bed and mentally went through the steps she'd taken with Solas to get to the Fade.

He'd said it was different for her, her connection to the Fade more convoluted than most, which he attributed to her otherworldly origins.

For the first time in what felt like a long time, sleep wasn't an unnerving prospect now that she had a plan.

Chapter Text

Solas was sitting in the rotunda with Varric. The dwarf had stopped in with tea. Solas suspected he did it on purpose. He knew Solas preferred almost anything else. The few times Varric had done it, he'd played it off as an honest mistake, but he'd done it too often for that to be the case now. He couldn't figure out what Varric's motivation was beyond amusing himself.

Solas was glad of the company though, Varric was fun to debate and definitely one of the better conversationalists about.

Cole suddenly burst into the room, his brow furrowed. "Holli won't wake up."

Both Varric and Solas were immediately out of their seats, the worst-case scenario running through their heads. She often made jokes about suicide and dying, and he worried with how much time she had spent repressing and pretending to be fine that the last tether keeping her here may have broken. He should not have left her alone; he should have tried to get her to talk more, to talk through her grief and guilt.

They burst into her room, his eyes immediately looking for blood and injury or even poison. There was a glass bottle beside her, which he immediately snatched up, trying to identify it. Lyrium.

"She's alive," Varric said with relief, crouching down beside her. He looked up at Cole. "Next time, specify that she's alive."

Cole nodded, a solemn look on his face. Holli did just appear to be asleep.

Varric tried to wake her, shaking her, calling her name, and even closing her nose. Her mouth just opened, and she breathed through that instead.

Solas crouched down on her other side; her magic was gently thrumming, and it took him a few moments to figure out what it was doing.

"Her magic is keeping her asleep," Solas said. "She has entered the Fade."

"To talk to Riluan?" Varric asked.

Given the animosity, Varric was surprised she would try.

"I don't know. But I'll find out," he said, taking a seat in the desk chair.

He didn't know what she had gone to the Fade for. Given she'd had the presence of mind to get Lyrium first, he knew the decision was intentional. He wondered if she had trapped herself in a dream or if she had been able to realise she was in the Fade on her own.

It wasn't difficult to find her. He immediately recognised her house from London. He went inside, the door unlocked. It was still a surprise how different the home was, mostly due to the decor and appliances. Truly, her world had developed some amazing things to make life easier for the common man.

He heard laughter, giggling, coming from upstairs. He found his way to her room, where she was sitting in the chair in front of her vanity. There was a woman styling her hair; he recognised her as Holli's mother despite the lack of resemblance between them. Holli was doing her make-up, and she was wearing a strapless silvery gown with beaded vines and flowers on the bodice and down the skirt.

"Solas!" She greeted him with a warm smile when she noticed him. "Mum, this is Solas. Solas, my mum, Candace."

"Hello," Candace greeted him with a similar smile to Holli's.

"A pleasure to meet you," he murmured.

"So polite," Candace crooned, causing a faint furrowing of Holli's brow.

"Holli," Solas began. "None of this is real; you're in the Fade again."

Holli looked to her mother. "Hey mum, you know what would go awesome with this dress? Those strappy silver heels you have? You know the ones?"

Candace clapped her hands together, the idea seemingly striking her as a particularly brilliant one. She hurried out of the room to go and fetch them. Holli's smile fell slightly.

"I know this isn't real, Solas; I'm not stupid. I remembered from the last time," she said. "But I like it here. My mum loves me, I have my home, and soon I'm meeting up with Curtis and Yvette so we can go to our school formal. I fell in love with this dress and saved up for so long to buy it."

She stood up and twirled around, the dress fanning out.

"Yes, it's beautiful," he agreed. "But doesn't it bother you that none of it is real?"

"Well, yeah, it bothers me. It should be real. I don't want to go back, Solas. I just want to stay here. I closed the Breach, and maybe the rifts will heal on their own. Can't I just have this?"

He felt for her, truly he did. She was devastated and willing to accept an imitation of her old life to cling to. And he had overheard what she'd said to Cole at the waterhole in the Western Approach about her mother. It was tragic.

"I know you have been through some unprecedented ordeals and lost... everything," he said, noting how just mentioning that seemed to irritate her. Having lost almost everything himself, he couldn't imagine any words that would have helped him feel better about the situation. "Myself and the others are here for you; you need not grieve alone."

"That's cool and all, and I'm... grateful, but you and the others can't bring my mum back; you can't send me home; you can't restore my school or bring back my friends or make me forget that my dad is a monster who sacrificed hundreds, maybe thousands of people in exchange for me."

No. No, they could not. He didn't know how to help this hurt. Neither did Cole, and that was his speciality. But he did know denying reality and hiding in the Fade wasn't the answer.

"If you stay here, your body will wither and die without sustenance."

She just gave a shrug. "Then what? I'll get to stay here forever?"

"I don't know if that is how it would work for you. I cannot know which world would lay claim to your soul."

That seemed to give her some pause; she was giving it careful consideration.

"And you'd give up on your dream of becoming a doctor?" He pressed.

"There aren't doctors here. Just herbalists."

"Don't you want to change that? You're an incredibly intelligent girl, Holli. The advances you could bring to this world, the healthcare you could provide... If you left here, you wouldn't really be leaving anything. None of it is real. Stay here, and you're leaving people who care about you."

She dropped back onto her seat, looking dejected. He did not feel good about ripping the fantasy from her. He crouched in front of her, looking up into her face, taking one of her hands in his.

"My heart breaks for you, da'len," he told her.

She let out a shuddering breath, looking at him with wet eyes. "I didn't even get to say goodbye to my mum that day I left for school. She was passed out, wasted from the night before. I just... rolled her over so she wouldn't choke on her own vomit, and I left. The last thing I ever said to my friends was that I had to piss."

Yes, that was...rather unfortunate.

"I don't know if I can get over this. I don't know how."

"It isn't something you get over. The pain will evolve; it will soften. And it will become a part of who you are. There is no getting around that."

"What do I do?" She squeaked out.

"As hard as it is, you just keep going."

Holli eventually nodded, wiping at her eyes. Her mother came back into the room, holding up the shoes triumphantly.

"Found them," she sang out.

Holli rushed to her, hugging her tightly. Candace appeared surprised but dropped the shoes and held her instead.

"What's wrong, baby?" She asked.

"Nothing," she whispered. "I'll see you when I get home."

Candace smiled softly, stroking Holli's hair, and the girl reluctantly pulled back, not entirely ready to go but willing at least.

-

Holli opened her eyes, her vision blurry and wet. She couldn't stop the flow, and she drew her knees up, sobbing into them.

She had been well aware that wasn't her real mother. How loving and kind she was was what made Holli realise she was in the Fade in the first place. Why couldn't it have been like that all the time? It wasn't just the death of her mother she was mourning; it was the loss of what could have been. If the woman could have kicked her bad habits and loved Holli like a mother was supposed to. And the guilt of not being there to give her the Narcan or call an ambulance. Holli was supposed to take care of her. Candace couldn't take care of herself.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and she flinched, looking up to see Varric there. Solas was sitting in the desk chair; Cole was standing awkwardly beside him. She scrambled to her feet, embarrassed to be seen this way.

"We're here if you need us," Varric told her.

Another broken sob escaped her. "I need a hug."

Cole was the first to move, scooping her up into a crushing hug, and she squeezed him back just as tight, her hands fisting into the back of his shirt as she cried into the crook of his neck. The floodgates had opened; she wasn't sure how to close them again.

She wasn't sure how or when they ended up on the floor, but she realised they were sitting down, she was still securely enfolded in his arms, and her tears had finally run dry. It had taken a long time, and now she was just an empty mess on the floor with Cole. He was leaning against the desk and she against him. She felt she should move; he might be uncomfortable, but she just felt drained. At some point Varric and Solas had left them, and she was grateful for it. She didn't like having an audience while she lost her shit.

Cole wasn't holding her as tightly, but his hand was stroking her hair soothingly. Her arms were only loosely around his waist now, and she was lulled into an almost trancelike state listening to his heartbeat and swayed by the gentle rise and fall of his chest.

"Sorry you got stuck with me," she muttered, her voice hoarse.

"I like being with you. You're my favourite person," he replied.

He said it so guilelessly and with no shame. She liked that about him – his ability to just say whatever he felt, no matter how embarrassing it might be. It wasn't exactly out of an I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude either. He was just... uniquely him.

She held onto him tighter. "I like that you're you, Cole," she said.

She had told him as much before, but she hoped he could feel how much she meant it.

"I like that you're you," he returned.

Holli didn't. There were lots of things about herself she would change if she could. But it was nice that he liked her anyway.

They stayed that way until she fell asleep.

Chapter Text

Solas had reminded her of her ambition to become a doctor, and being trapped in this primitive place shouldn't derail that. The work would also be a pretty decent distraction.

So the first thing she had done the next morning was head to the infirmary. She had become largely reliant on her magic when it came to fixing people, completely neglecting the other side of it. Her magic could fix injuries; so far it couldn't fix viruses or bacterial infections.

She could help in the treatment of those things and learn more about the non-magical way of healing injuries.

She had already spoken to Adan and Stitches about germs and the importance of hygiene and sanitising. And they had implemented measures to make that easier. Mostly the best they had to sanitise was boiling water, so stoves had been set up in a room near the infirmary for that purpose. It also doubled as storage. They also had handwashing stations in the infirmary itself but sectioned off; unfortunately, they had to rely on regular soap. Holli was planning to start improving things in small ways to start until she figured out how to effect bigger change.

The first thing she intended to do was develop an antibacterial soap. She knew garlic, thyme, tea tree and eucalyptus had antiseptic properties that could be extracted for a soap. She had no idea if eucalyptus even existed here.

Adan had a list of plants that he used in treating infections and in his poultices and elixirs, so she would start there in finding one that would make a good soap.

The infirmary was also where all the most useful equipment for this was located, so she would be spending a lot more time there. It would be pretty sweet if she could set up her own lab in the castle somewhere.

She was also trying to figure out how to make a thermometer. She knew how they worked, and if she could find the right people to make the parts, she knew how to make one. What she needed to figure out was the scale and how to make sure it was accurate.

She also needed better equipment. She wanted to be able to distil isopropanol, ethanol, and carbolic acid. The former for her thermometer, and the latter for sanitisation.

She had spoken to Adan about the equipment she was hoping to get a hold of, and while some of it existed, some of it did not. So she drew up some designs, wrote out some instructions and specs, and passed them on to Adan, who would try and track down someone who could do it.

She had also asked Josephine for some parchment. Holli was going to rewrite the Atlas of Human Anatomy in their language so Adan and Stitches could read it too. Talking to Varric, he could hit up his publisher, and she might be able to get more copies of it to distribute to other physicians and herbalists.

In between that, Holli continued to try hard in helping others; it went a small way in alleviating the guilt of killing so many people, even if it hadn't been entirely her fault.

She had continued to heal Mr Loewe as well; it had to be done in sessions, but it was getting there. He was slowly regaining more and more sensation. Yesterday he'd even been able to wiggle his toe. He and his wife had shed tears of joy at the sight. Holli had grown a bit misty-eyed too as she'd sat there completely exhausted after the bout of healing. She was getting better at staying more cognizant so the other mages didn't have to be as heavy-handed in their intervention.

But Holli found it was easier to keep busy. When she stopped, she started drifting. It was easier to have something to focus on. She had finished up her blueprints for Master Harrit to see if he could make the bicycle frame, chain, and wheel, and she had been talking to people about rubber. Rubber was real here; it did exist, but not in the amounts of her world. It was quite difficult to get. But she had managed to put in a requisition for it. She was the Herald, and everyone knew her mum had just died, so they were all right with granting a few strange requests. She had no idea if she'd be able to turn that rubber into tyres, but she was willing to give it a go. She knew vulcanisation made rubber more durable, and she had a vague idea of the process and some of the chemicals involved, but there was no way to replicate it here. Nor was she familiar enough with the process to attempt it. Maybe one day. She would just have to make do with what she could get.

Despite how busy she kept herself during the day, at night when she lay down to sleep, there was still that time before drifting off where the grief hit with all the force of a truck. Sometimes she'd cry herself to sleep again; other times she'd just lie there and wallow. Sometimes Cole was there; he would turn up on the really bad nights, and they would lie down on her bedroll and talk. Mostly she would talk. Sometimes he would, when he had something to say. And they would talk until she fell asleep.

The negative side to not sleeping in the Fade was her dreams. Sometimes she had the nightmares, but other times she had great dreams. Dreams where she would be hanging out with Curtis and Yvette at the mall or their favourite stairs at school, just shooting the shit. Or she'd be with her mum. And those dreams hurt more, waking up and realising she'd never have that again. Or in her mum's case, ever. The grief would hit all over again. Those mornings were the worst.

Sometimes she regretted listening to Solas that day.

Just keep busy.

"I see why you three are here," Krem said. "But why am I here?"

Holli looked to Sera. Wasn't it obvious?

"For your sword," Sera replied, in quite the 'duh' tone, in Holli's opinion.

"You're all fighters," Krem pointed out. "Well, maybe not you," he tacked on, looking at Holli.

"Right, so three and a half is better than two and a half," Sera pointed out.

"And why are we doing this without the boss? Or anyone else?"

"Because they might be against it," Holli admitted.

"Seems like more reason not to do it," Krem said.

"Well, we're going to do it with or without you," Sera told him. "You might as well stay to make sure we don't die."

"Or I could just go back to the castle and tell them what you're up to."

"You think we couldn't stop you?" Sera grinned, almost feral.

Holli sighed. "Can we not? Just help us, Krem. Please? We can put in a good word for you with Maryden."

"He tell you about that?" He asked, glaring accusingly in Cole's direction while flushing in embarrassment.

Sera laughed, not unkindly, more in amusement.

"No, he didn't have to," Holli said. "It's obvious. Whenever she's playing, you get all – " She clasped her hands together, put on a look of pure adoration and batted her eyelashes.

"You also blush and stutter like a moron," Sera added.

"Fine, I'll help," Krem huffed. "But I don't need your help with Maryden. Just keep your mouths shut."

"Thanks, Krem," Holli told him. "Just so you know, she thinks you're hot. Handsome, I mean."

Krems's eyes narrowed on her slightly. "Did you hear her say that?"

"She said 'pleasing to the eye'. I assume that means what it sounds like."

She had been tripped up a couple of times with their old-timey phrases.

Krem smiled, just a moment before he forced it down. "It means what it sounds like," he confirmed.

Holli thought they would make a cute couple. She did wonder how transgenderism worked here. Was magic used for the physical changes? And if not, could it? She wasn't sure how sensitive a topic it was here and hadn't asked. She didn't think she and Krem were close enough for her to pry into something so personal either.

"All right, let's do this then," he sighed.

"I might not even be able to do it," Holli told him. "You may not have to fight anything."

"Let's hope that's the case. If anything happens to you, all of us will be in trouble."

Holli waved him off. "The sky is closed; I'm sure the other rifts will heal on their own eventually."

"What are you basing that on?" Krem asked.

"Youthful optimism," she replied sarcastically.

Really, she wasn't basing it off anything. It was more a hope.

"You don't strike me as an optimist," he said.

Holli just poked her tongue at him.

"Besides, I wasn't just referring to the rifts. Varric and Solas would have our heads."

"So make sure I keep mine, and you'll all get to keep yours," she said, shaking out her glowing hand. She was ready to get on with this.

"All right, everybody ready?" She looked around at the three others.

Sera readied her bow, and Cole and Krem drew their blades. Holli wasn't sure how to do it exactly. She had never opened a rift from nothing, sort of. There had been that one rift connected to the Breach, but it had already existed. And the one she'd opened in Adamant when they'd fallen off that bridge had been... just all reaction, no thought.

Stepping out of the Fade back in Adamant had opened her eyes to new possibilities with her mark. Honestly, she was a bit disgusted with herself; she hadn't thought of it sooner. She was supposed to be better than that.

She had picked a spot in front of her and well out of sight of Skyhold and off the beaten path so they didn't interfere with any travellers. Holli held her hand out, trying to force the magic of her mark – completely separate from her normal magic sort of, but not entirely as far as she could tell – and tried to connect it to... something. When there was a rift, it was easy, like slipping a key into a lock. This felt more like trying to slip a key into solid stone. She was forcing, but she didn't know what she was forcing. Maybe just an aneurysm. After a few moments she dropped her hand with a huff, staring at the spot.

"Performance anxiety?" Sera quipped.

"Bet the Maker is sorry he made you," Holli muttered, casting her the stink eye and drawing an amused snort from Krem.

Holli raised her hand and tried again, but not even a ripple in the veil.

After a solid hour or two of trying, she hadn't managed... anything. The others were no longer at the ready, having taken seats on rocks, or in Krems's case, on the ground against a tree stump.

"Shit," she huffed, stomping her foot.

"Well, this was fun," Krem said, getting to his feet. "Let's call it a day. We can try again tomorrow."

Holli looked to him hopefully. "Really? You don't mind?"

"A couple of hours to sit on my arse and take a nap? Nah, I don't mind," he smirked.

"Everyone's so mean today," she muttered, falling into step with the group as they headed back to Skyhold.

The four of them made their way back, chatting idly as they walked. The gates of Skyhold were left open all day, people coming and going at all hours, and they weren't anticipating an attack. So they just walked right in. They did come face to face with Bull, though, who watched them curiously.

"Where have you four been?" He asked.

"Playing." "Training." "Hunting."

Holli, Krem, and Sera offered three different answers at the same time. Bull fixed his gaze on Krem.

"Krem, you'd lie to your commander?"

"I'm not lying. They are. It was a training exercise. For Holli. She just wanted protection while she was out there practising."

"Practising what?"

Holli averted her eyes. "Like, stuff."

He leaned in, quirking an eyebrow in question. "Like, how concerned do I need to be?" He asked, imitating her tone.

"Not very," she replied. "Once I figure it out, then I'll talk about it. I want to see if I can first."

He contemplated her answer a moment before straightening up. "All right. But this better not come back to bite me in the arse."

"Because that's the Vint's job?" Krem shot Bull quite a shit-eating grin.

Holli's jaw dropped. "I knew it!" She gasped out.

Some of their conversations had walked the line, but they'd also been a little hostile, so it had been difficult to tell.

"Enemies to lovers trope," she murmured.

"We weren't enemies," Bull said. "Specifically."

"So fucking cute," she mumbled, making her way around him to get back inside.

She had to get down to the stable. She had been trying to get better at being around the horses. Riding them alone was still out of the question, but she hoped to be able to one day.

The stable boy had been helping her with it, teaching her more about Sunchaser's personality and how to handle horses in general. He must have been about her age but was super knowledgeable about the animals, and it was clear he had Master Dennet's trust with them as well.

When she saw Emil, she offered a smile and wave. It was still difficult to muster up any sincerity in the smile – it was more her customer service one than anything – but she didn't want to be rude. Emil was doing her a favour by helping her. And at any other time, they probably would have been friends. She just didn't have it in her to be much of a friend right now.

"Hey, Emil," she greeted, joining him at the stable. Sunchaser was still in her stall or whatever they called them.

"Good afternoon, my lady," he greeted.

The boy was usually quite chipper, and despite reminding him of her name, he never used it. A lot of people outside the main Inquisition circle didn't. She didn't like it, but she was getting used to it. Though she had thought a lot of the automatic respect and deference she was given would have dropped off after closing the Breach.

"I saved some apples if you want to feed them to her," he offered.

"Thanks," she said, taking one of the apples.

Ingratiating herself to the horse via food seemed like as good an idea as any. She wasn't really in the mood; she just wanted to go back to her room and crawl into her bedroll. But part of her was worried she wouldn't get out again and the others would come looking like last time.

Just suck it up and do it. She was a functioning human – half human? – being, and no one needed to worry about her.

Chapter Text

"No," Solas told Cole firmly.

"But you like demons!" Cole argued.

"I enjoy the company of spirits, yes, which is part of why I do not abuse them with bindings," Solas explained.

"It isn't abuse if I ask," Cole pressed.

"Not always true." Solas came to a stop, casting him a stern look. "Also, I do not practise blood magic, which renders this entire conversation academic."

"What's going on here, then?" Hawke asked, stumbling across the pair in the courtyard.

"He won't bind me," Cole said, stalking towards Hawke. "He's a mage, and he likes demons, but he won't help. Holli couldn't and said she wouldn't learn how. No one will help me."

"I'm glad Holli was sensible enough to deny the request," Solas said, following behind.

He would not have put it past her to try and figure it out just to do as Cole asked. He was relieved sense prevailed.

"We just saw the Grey Wardens try to raise an army of demons. You want Solas to bind you?" Hawke asked, stunned at what he was hearing.

"He has to! If Solas won't do the ritual to bind me, someone else could. Will! Like the Warden mages. And then... I'm not me anymore." There was a panicked tremor to his voice. "Walls around what I want, blocking, bleeding, making me a monster."

"A mage using blood magic could conceivably do that to any one of us, human or demon," Hawke pointed out.

"You should ask Solas to bind you, too. And then someone can bind him."

Hawke looked to Solas, a little exasperated if he were honest. "There has to be some middle ground between 'do nothing' and 'bind Cole with blood magic.'"

"Indeed," Solas agreed. "I recall stories of amulets used by Rivaini seers to protect spirits they summoned from rival mages. A spirit wearing an amulet of the Unbound was immune to blood magic and binding. It should protect Cole as well. The resources of the Inquisition could be used to find such a talisman."

"Good," Cole huffed, turning and stalking away. "They will not take me."

Hawke and Solas watched him go.

"What brought that on?" Hawke asked.

It had been a little while since Adamant; why was Cole only bringing it up now, and why was he so panicked?

"I suspect it's been bothering him since Adamant," Solas replied, crossing his arms over his chest. "He was likely waiting until Holli was in a better frame of mind. I don't think he expected her to turn him down."

"She will hold firm on that, won't she?"

The last thing they needed was the Herald of Andraste becoming a blood mage and binding her allies. The repercussions of that getting out to the public...

"I believe she will, but I'll have a word to be sure," Solas assured him.

"Sooner rather than later, she has an obvious soft spot for him. And she's still reeling after Adamant; it's a prime time to make stupid decisions."

Neither Solas nor Varric had informed Hawke of Holli's attempt to abandon the world and live in the Fade. Cole would be the weak link in whether or not that surfaced. Though he was getting better at keeping things to himself most of the time.

Solas merely nodded to Hawke's request before setting off to find the girl. Though she had always been adept at keeping herself busy, she seemed to have taken it to extreme lengths lately. She used her work as a distraction; that much was obvious.

She wasn't in her room, so he made his way to the infirmary. He found her sitting at Adan's desk and writing something. She looked up when she heard him enter, smiling faintly in greeting.

There were a few other people in the infirmary, and he would rather have this conversation in private.

"May I have a word, Holli?" He asked.

He saw the way her expression became guarded; likely she thought she was in trouble. Why that was always where her mind went first, he would never know.

She got up from the desk, following him out into the corridor, looking as if she were headed to execution.

"You're not in trouble, Holli," he told her, putting her out of her misery.

She breathed a near inaudible sigh of relief. "This is about Cole, isn't it?" She asked.

Solas nodded.

"Could he really be bound like the demons were?" She asked.

"It's possible."

"Should I have done it?" She asked softly. "I don't want to be like the Grey Warden mages, but..."

She may not know much about binding spirits; it wasn't an area they had explored, and as far as he knew, she hadn't pursued that kind of knowledge on her own. Her only experience was witnessing what the Grey Wardens had done. An effective cautionary tale if ever there was one.

"No, you made the right choice. I also declined him when he came to me."

"He's scared, though. How do we help him?"

"There is a talisman that may help him; Hawke is setting people to finding one. And in the meantime, if anyone does attempt to bind him, we stop them."

"Simple enough, I guess." She let out a breath, uncertainty radiating off of her. "Is he mad at me? He doesn't ask much – anything – of me, and then he finally does, and I say no."

"He is not angry with you. Just frustrated and afraid. Understandably. He may not realise it now, but you did right by him. Regardless of your intentions, binding a spirit can come with repercussions we may not be able to anticipate. And Cole's situation is already... unique."

Holli nodded her understanding. "I'll go and talk to him later."

She'd give him a bit of time first. Solas nodded, resting a hand on her shoulder a moment before taking his leave. Holli returned to the infirmary to carry on with her work, resolving to give Cole an hour or two.

-

It took a while to eventually track him down; he wasn't in his usual spot in the tavern, nor was he perched on the battlements. He was in the barn, watching Blackwall carving something while they spoke. He seemed less frazzled than when she'd seen him last. He was sitting up in the hayloft, his legs dangling down. She looked up at him, silently asking permission to join him. His expression softened, and he shifted over to make space for her.

She breathed a silent sigh of relief and climbed the ladder to go and sit beside him.

"I'm sorry," she began. "I want to help you, but I can't do what you want; I'm sorry."

Cole nodded. "You don't need to be sorry. I asked too much."

Holli wondered if Blackwall had told him that, going by the way the man was casting surreptitious glances up at them while he worked.

"Hawke is helping. Solas suggested an amulet that might keep me safe."

Holli nodded. "Solas told me."

They sat in silence. Though he had seemingly let her off the hook, she still felt bad, like she needed to make it up to him somehow. She had no idea how, though.

"We're still... friends, right?" She asked quietly, drawing her knees up to her chest.

His eyes shot to hers, surprised. "Of course?"

"You're not sure?"

"I am sure. Are you?"

She nodded, smiling faintly. "Friends. As long as you'll have me anyway."

"Forever," he said, certainty dripping from the word.

He held his hand out to her, and she took it, letting them both fall between them. With that sorted, she turned her attention to Blackwall.

"What's he making?" She asked.

"A rocking horse. One of the merchants has a son; he reminds him of himself when he was young. Gap-toothed, skinned knees, adventure in every cut and graze."

It was difficult to see Blackwall as a child.

"Do you have any kids of your own, Blackwall?" Holli called down to him.

"None," he replied. His tone suggested that was the end of that line of questioning.

"Do you want kids?" She pressed, too curious for her own good.

"If I found the right person," he sighed, giving in to her quite easily. "It's difficult for Grey Wardens to have children. Near impossible the longer someone has been one."

"Oh. Sorry," she said, wincing at putting her foot in it. She should have taken the hint.

"Oi! I been looking for you two everywhere!" Sera called, appearing in the barn.

"Maker's Breath, now I've got three of them," Blackwall mumbled.

"Not for long, you grumpbum," Sera retorted. "Come on, it's training time, Holli."

Holli's spirit sank. Sera was mean when they trained. Solas had to restrain her when she took it too far a few times.

"Okay, I'm coming," Holli sighed, getting up to make her way down.

She had forgotten she was supposed to be meeting the others for it this afternoon. Maybe on purpose.

Chapter Text

"You're looking troubled, kid," Varric said. "What's on your mind?"

"Am I?" Cole asked, looking over at Varric curiously.

Varric and Solas had come to stand either side of where he had been sitting on the battlements, unnaturally still and in plain sight. And he had been sitting there for quite some time. It would be remiss of them not to at least enquire.

"You are," Varric confirmed, following his gaze.

Down below was the stable and he could see Holli with the stable boy and her horse, Sunchaser. It looked as if he were teaching her how to lead the creature.

"So what's the problem?" Varric asked.

"Emil wants to kiss Holli," he replied.

Both Varric and Solas's eyebrows rose at the statement and they exchanged a look between them.

"And Holli doesn't want him to?" Varric questioned.

"I don't know. I don't want him to."

Ah, teenage drama. Varric wasn't sure if the label could really apply to Cole, but he wasn't sure what else to call this. He knew the pair had become close, they really should have seen this coming.

"Why don't you want him to?" Varric just wanted to be sure, ignoring the look Solas shot him.

"Holli... Holli makes things brighter. Emil wants that for himself, it'll be brighter for him and I... I'll be left in the dark. I don't- I don't know how to say things right. Holli isn't a thing to be owned, and I don't want to own her I just..."

"You like Holli," Varric surmised.

"Of course," Cole said.

"I mean as more than a friend."

"It isn't more or less. Just different."

True. "Those kinds of feelings don't always make sense. I assume it'll be even more difficult for you. I suppose we'll need to have a talk about the birds and the bees then."

"Holli already explained them to me," he said, resting his chin on his hand as he gazed down below.

This again caused their eyebrows to shoot up.

"She did?"

"Mm. Birds can fly because their bones are hollow, their wings are strong, and they have so many powerful muscles devoted to flying. She said they use something called the Bernoulli Principle, but I didn't really understand it. And bees can fly because of the unique way their wings flap, it lets them generate enough lift even though their bodies are so big for their wings. It does something to the air?"

Even though Solas had turned away, Varric caught the quiet amused chuckle on the wind.

"The other birds and bees," Varric explained.

"I think the principle applies to all birds and bees," he said. "Holli never said it didn't."

"I'm talking about... relations between men and women, or men and men, or-"

"Do you mean sex?" Cole interrupted, looking at him curiously.

"I do..."

"I already know about it."

Varric's eyes narrowed on the boy. "How do you already know about it?"

"From the Fade, some. There are memories and feelings there. And Rhys and Evangeline. It was a confusing thing at first. I didn't understand the why of it. I thought it was just about touching. But Rhys spoke about love too. A connection. It's not just about the body, it's about the heart. He smiled then, and he said 'You'll know when it happens,'" Cole said, turning from Varric and looking down at Holli, a faint smile gracing his lips. "It was like whispers. A small thing, so small I couldn't make sense of it, but it felt beautiful. When she looks at me, I feel more than just the world around me. It's like the sun breaking through the clouds and it touches everything and makes it... warmer, and brighter inside. When she's near, the world is less cold. And when she's close, I want to be closer. I don't want to be something that just watches her."

There was a long silence between the three men as Varric processed Cole's words. That sounded like a lot more than liking someone.

Solas cleared his throat.

"You don't just watch her, Cole, you're her friend. A very dear one."

"And you protect her, kid. And I've seen the way you make her smile, and laugh. She obviously cares for you."

"And it feels right to care for her," Cole said.

"Whether she cares for you the way you want her to-" Solas began before Varric interrupted him.

"Is something you won't know until you talk to her about it. But she needs to grieve first."

Cole nodded his agreement. "I know. But I don't know if he does."

They looked down again where the stable boy was smiling charmingly, offering Holli an apple which she fed to the horse.

"I'll have a chat with him," Varric said. "Now, I just want to make sure. You know how babies are made and Holli really doesn't need to be having any right now?"

Both Solas and Cole looked at him, Cole with a furrowed brow, and Solas in what was quite possibly disbelief at his bluntness.

"I know," Cole confirmed.

Varric patted Cole on the shoulder. "Good boy. We'll leave you to your... activities."

Varric and Solas wandered off then, shooting a look towards each other.

"I feel as if we may have overstepped," Solas mused.

"While simultaneously feeling like we should have done more?" Varric asked.

Solas nodded.

"We should probably keep a closer eye on that situation," Varric agreed.

"Cole should not be feeling such things as jealousy. It was bad enough the fear and anger in the Western Approach when she was taken. These dark emotions can irrevocably alter him," Solas said. "I am worried what will happen if this does not end the way he wants it to."

"I'm not," Varric said, noticing the sceptical look Solas gave him. "And my reasons are twofold. One: Holli likes him too, that's been obvious for a while. Two: I just don't think he's in any danger of becoming a demon. Too much human in him."

"I don't think he's that far gone from his spirithood yet," Solas disagreed.

"Care to make a wager?" Varric graced him with his most charming smile.

"No!" Solas replied, disgusted he would even ask.

-

"Holy shit!" Holli flinched to the side, the little wooden box shattering against the door she'd just entered through, barely missing her.

She looked at Cullen, whose eyes were wide as he realised he had almost hit her. She took him in - the tremors in his hands, the sweat on his face, the flush to his skin, that look in his eyes... She had seen it a million times.

"Withdrawals?" She asked softly, closing his office door behind her.

His breath hitched and he averted his gaze.

"Sorry," she said, coming to stand opposite him across his desk. "I heard you were trying to kick Lyrium."

"This is not something you need to concern yourself with," he muttered, his fingers digging into the wood of his desk. "Cassandra is aware and will step in if I can no longer..."

"I'm not concerned you won't be able to do your job," she shrugged a shoulder, taking a seat and folding her legs up under her. "My mum was an addict." She had never said it out loud to anyone before. "I mean, not like you, she just liked the high and hated reality. At least your reasons were... I don't know, like, meaningful maybe? Or maybe it wasn't even a choice, I don't really get your order. Former order. I spent so much time researching how to quit drugs. I was hoping if I could make it as easy for her as I could, she'd do it, you know?"

Holli twisted in her seat, leaning her head over one arm of the chair, and her legs over the other, staring up at the ceiling.

"She tried a couple of times, but the withdrawals got too much for her." She looked over at him where he was watching her with a frown. "Are withdrawals for Lyrium the same as for normal drugs?"

"Not entirely," he ground out.

"Nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea?"

He shook his head.

"Insomnia?"

He nodded. "Nightmares. And sometimes my memory is... subpar."

"Short-term memory?" She asked, recalling the few days she'd spent helping him and how quickly he could forget something. This would explain it.

He nodded.

"Tremors," she noted. "Pain?"

"Headaches."

She perked up, sitting up a bit. "I can help with that," she said, reaching her hands across the desk. "Give me your hand."

He frowned but did so.

"I used to do this for my mum," she said, firmly massaging a spot on his hand between his thumb and index finger.

It took a few moments but he felt the pain ease from his skull.

"That- That isn't... magic," he said. He would have felt it if it were magic.

"No," she let out an amused huff. "It's just acupressure. There are points in our bodies, putting pressure on them can relieve pain. Different points for different pain. This one's a good one for headaches."

She let him go, dipping a finger into his ink pottle and daubing a drop on the point she had been working on.

"That's the pressure point. When your headache starts again, just massage-" she demonstrated with her fingers how to do it "-that point and you'll be able to take care of it yourself. I know it's not much in the scheme of things, but hopefully, it helps a little."

He waved his hand to dry the ink quicker. "You are a fount of knowledge, Holiday Whitlock."

She smiled up at him, and he noticed it had lost some of its lustre since her return from the Western Approach, but at least it was still there.

"What you said about your mother..." He started. "I'm sorry it was that way for you."

She gave a slow sort of nod. "I always hoped it would get better. That she'd... figure her shit out. I just - I was supposed to take care of her until then."

"You weren't. Parents are supposed to take care of their children. Not the other way around. At least not for a long time, not at your age. But it sounds to me like you were a good daughter."

"Really?" She asked, eyes wide.

He got the feeling it was something she'd never heard before. And likely needed to. "Yes. If I were to ever have a child, I'd hope they'd be a lot like you," he gave her a soft smile.

"That's super nice. Thank you," she said, a tremor in her voice.

The door to his office opened and Rylen stood there, eyeing them both curiously.

"I better go," she said, standing up from her seat.

"Wait, did you come here for something?" Cullen asked her.

"It can wait," she shrugged, scurrying out the other door. "See ya."

She had only been going to see if he could use a hand. She wasn't in the right frame of mind for the infirmary. And Master Harritt was still working on the bike between his other projects.

Cullen's words had made her feel pretty damn good though. Her step was lighter, and she couldn't help smiling to herself.

"Hello, Holli."

Holli looked up to see Cole sitting cross-legged on the wall.

"Hey, Cole," she greeted, going to sit beside him.

"Your mood is nice."

"Uh, yeah. Cullen said something nice. It made me feel a little better I guess. And how is your mood?"

"Better," he met her smile with a sweet one of his own. "Will you sit with me a while?"

"Of course," she agreed, lightly bumping her shoulder against his. "Want to guess pictures in the clouds?"

It was a nice day for it.

Chapter Text

Holli let out a frustrated huff, shaking her hand out.

"Why can't I get this?" She muttered, adjusting her stance. Like that would help.

She had done this before. Sort of. She had also used the power of a rift to absolutely annihilate a bunch of demons. Opening a rift from nothing shouldn't be this hard!

"Maybe you're just a terrible mage," Sera called out from her place on the rock she was lying on. "Time to switch to a real skill."

Holli shot her a half-hearted glare for the comment.

It had been a few days now, and she felt she was still no closer to figuring it out. Well, maybe a little closer. There had been a couple of times she thought she might have felt the veil weakening. She wanted to get it before they left for Halamshiral in a couple of days.

"One more try," she muttered, more to herself since only Cole was close enough to hear that.

He stood sentinel just a couple of feet away.

Holli reached out again; she could feel the veil; she could feel her power connect to it. Where she had trouble was forcing it apart. With how hard she was forcing it, she thought she might give herself a nosebleed. But then it happened; it was tiny, just a small tear. In her surprise, she let go, losing the connection.

Sera and Krem were on their feet, coming closer.

"Aw, a little baby rift," Sera cooed, leaning close to get a look.

A clawed hand suddenly burst from it, swiping at Sera's cheek.

"Close it!" Krem barked, swinging his axe and cutting the flailing arm off.

Holli quickly obeyed, shutting the rift. They all surrounded the severed arm, looking down at it as it writhed on the ground.

"Why isn't it disintegrating?" Holli asked. That was usually what happened to the demons' bodies.

"Maybe because the rest of it is alive?" Krem suggested.

Was that how it worked?

"Oh shit, Sera! Your face!" Holli exclaimed, catching sight of the blood. "Come here; I'll fix it."

She took Sera's face in her hands, zapping the wound closed and causing the other girl to jolt back.

"Maybe that should be a higher priority than poking more holes in the veil," Sera said, rubbing at the sting in her face.

Holli had managed to reduce the scarring a little these days at least.

"Maybe you should just be happy I fixed your face," Holli replied with a roll of her eyes. "Okay, we ready to try again?"

"I'm a little reluctant now that you might actually manage it," Krem said. "I think we should have more than just the four of us. Look what just happened, and it wasn't even a full-sized rift."

"Stop being such a fussbudget," Sera sneered. "We'll be fine. I'm ready now."

Krem still looked hesitant.

"Maybe we try again tomorrow," Holli suggested. "And you can bring another Charger. Preferably someone who won't be..."

"Snitchy," Sera finished.

Holli nodded her agreement. Krem let out a sigh.

"Fine," he conceded. "And I will. Bring another Charger, I mean. I don't care how snitchy they may be."

"Well, you're not gonna bring Iron Bull, yeah?"

"Anyone but him, please?" Holli pleaded. He really would tell the others.

"...Fine," Krem finally sighed out.

The group trudged back up to Skyhold, slipping through the gates unnoticed by anyone who would question them.

"Are you going to the stable now?" Cole asked her.

She nodded. She still had her standing appointment with Emil and Sunchaser.

"Can I come?"

"Of course."

Cole was super easy to be around, she had found. The others, while they were nice, and she was still incredibly fond of them, she found having to keep up the appearance of being ok a little more draining around them. They watched her more than they used to, analysed, spoke softer, Hawke had even been a lot less smart-arsey with her too. Sera was about the same but kept trying to push her into things harder. Like that would make her better faster.

She appreciated they cared enough to try and accommodate her, but it was tiring too.

Cole was... Cole. He knew the truth of everything; he knew how she felt; he didn't try to be different around her. No tiptoeing, or like in Sera's case, bulldozing. Just... Cole.

When they got to the stables, Emil was surprised to see them. She was a little earlier today, given they'd called off their rift-opening attempt prematurely.

"Afternoon, my lady," he greeted. His smile dropped a little when he saw Cole, but he greeted him with a nod.

Holli wasn't sure what the word was about Cole around Skyhold. If there was any word at all.

"Hi, Emil. Do you know Cole?" She asked.

"We've not officially met," he replied. "A pleasure, sir."

It was clear he wasn't sure how to address Cole. Most of the inner circle tended to be addressed as Sir, Ma'am, Madam, or Master if they had no formal title.

Cole only nodded, his stare blank and a little unnerving if Holli were honest. What was that about?

"Are you ready to try sitting on her today?" Emil asked, leading them to Sunchaser's stall.

"Probably not."

"It's the next logical step."

"What's the next illogical step?" She asked, eyeing the horse warily.

As soon as the question was out of her mouth, she realised how fucking stupid it was.

"Going backwards, I suppose," Emil told her.

"Yeah... Fine. I'll sit on the horse," she muttered. "Stop being such a wuss," she whispered to herself. "She's been fed, right?"

Emil looked confused by the question but nodded as he took Sunchaser out of her stall.

"Has she got bigger since yesterday?" Holli asked nervously.

"No."

Being consumed by her fear of the horse was really helping to take her mind off the grief and guilt. She was starting to wonder if it was worth the cost, though.

"You don't have to, Holli," Cole said. "I'll always ride with you."

Holli looked at him, a grateful smile splitting her lips.

"But it's brave of you to try," he added.

She didn't feel brave. Mostly she was facing this so she didn't have to face the other stuff. Keep busy. But she had found her attention span shorter these days, so wiling away in the infirmary with Adan only kept her occupied for so long. Even reading had been more difficult to focus on. She hoped that was just a phase and would settle soon.

"Oh, Holli, dear!"

All three of them looked to where Dorian was standing, nose scrunched as the smell of horse shit hit it.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Come along; we need to talk, you and I."

"Oh," Holli's brow furrowed.

It didn't sound like she was in trouble, but Dorian was good at acting normal when things weren't.

"Tomorrow then, Emil," Holli told the stableboy. "Thanks, though. And sorry, you got her out and everything."

"No trouble, Lady Herald," he said, bowing slightly.

Holli and Cole made to follow Dorian, but he raised a finger. "Not you, Cole. I believe Varric is looking for you, though."

"I'll come find you for dinner, yeah?" Holli told him.

Cole just nodded, looking a bit like a little lost puppy. She gave him a little wave and fell into step beside Dorian.

"What's going on?" She asked.

"Pretty ladies club," he told her. "Josephine and I have magnanimously agreed to allow your joining."

Oh. Holli wasn't really up for a gossip sesh right now.

"As generous as that is—"

"Nope," he said, looping her arm around his in a firm hold. "You've been rather avoidant lately. We've given you time and space, but it's time to start rejoining us. As fond as we all are of Cole, you need more than the boy to socialise with."

Holli didn't argue. He wasn't wrong exactly, though he was a little harsh, she thought. Cole was perfectly fine company.

Dorian led her inside to Josephine's office. The ambassador usually kept a comfortably warm office, which Holli appreciated. The woman was already there, a few seats placed comfortably around the fireplace.

"Holli," she offered a warm smile and a glass of what was possibly wine. "Come sit."

Holli took the glass and the offered seat. "So this is pretty ladies club..."

Josephine giggled. "What?"

"I hadn't actually mentioned the name to Josie yet," Dorian said, dropping into his own seat with far more grace than she had and accepting a second glass of wine that Josephine offered.

Holli sipped at the drink, feeling a slight burn at the taste of the alcohol. It was sweet, though, far more palatable than the swill Varric had given her way back when.

"Don't overindulge," Josie warned her. "Cassandra would have my head."

Holli was tempted to. It worked for her mother in drowning out the thoughts and feelings she didn't want to face.

No. The last thing she wanted was to become her mother. She loved her mum but would never want to be like her.

The memory of her mother's body flashed through her mind. Her mother, who had been driven to drink and drugs after her stillborn daughter was resurrected before her eyes, and her lover – what? Died? Vanished before her eyes? She didn't know. But whatever it had been, it'd been enough to fuck her mum up.

But Holli had seen shit. She'd lived through shit. She'd learned some horrible things, and she hadn't turned to drink and drugs. Her mother was weak, and her father was a monster...

She tamped down on the surge of anger at the unfair thought. It wouldn't help things. Squash it down. Enjoy hanging out with Josephine and Dorian. She liked them.

"So now what?" Holli asked. "We just gossip?"

"Gossip?" Josephine gasped, scandalised. "We just... share the news."

"Like the news of Dorian and Bull?" She smirked, looking at Dorian.

"Yes, like that. How are things with your Qunari spy?" Josephine asked him.

"How long has it been going on?" Holli asked.

"Things are... going interestingly," Dorian replied. "And it started shortly before leaving for the Western Approach. How did you find out about it? We've been quite discrete, and it's only a new thing."

"Krem."

"Ah. And how did young Cremisius find out?"

Holli shrugged. She'd assumed Bull had told him. Or he'd seen them together or something.

"Not very helpful, Holli," Dorian muttered, taking a sip of his drink. "Now, tell me, what were you doing at the stables? You're terrified of the horses."

"I'm trying to be not terrified of the horses. And 'terrified' is a bit of an exaggeration. I'm... understandably wary."

Josephine let out a tinkling laugh. "Horses are darling creatures, Holli. I had one of my own back in Antiva. Her name was Arietta. She was my pride and joy."

"What happened to her?" Holli asked gently.

"She was struck by disease. It took our entire stable."

"I'm sorry," Holli murmured.

"It was a long time ago now."

"But it – it still hurts?" Holli asked, a little hesitantly.

Josephine must have realised why she was asking, and she leaned forward, reaching across and taking Holli's hand in hers, squeezing gently.

"It does, but nothing like the months following her death. It's easier to remember our good times; I can smile at the memory of her. You'll reach that point as well, but don't feel the need to rush it."

"What if—?" Holli fidgeted, unsure if she should say it.

"What if what?" Dorian asked gently.

Holli let out a breath. Talking about the reality of her mum was harder than she'd thought it would be.

"What if I don't really have any memories that aren't, like, tainted?"

"What do you mean? Tainted by what?"

"The only time she was happy or... even remotely fun was when she was drunk or high, and even then it depended on how out of it she was and what she was on. But sober she was... a horrible person most of the time."

Holli trailed off quietly. It felt wrong to say it out loud.

"You always seemed so eager to get home, get back to her," Dorian noted.

"Of course I was. Someone had to take care of her. If I'd been there, I could have saved her; I've done it before. Look what happened when I wasn't there."

"It wasn't your job to take care of your mother," Dorian began, and Holli waved his words away.

"Cullen already tried to tell me that. It doesn't change anything, though. It did become my job. She depended on me."

The silence stretched, Josephine and Dorian exchanging a sympathetic look.

"Families can be... complicated. And parents..." He let out a heavy breath. "Parents can hurt you far more deeply than anyone else."

"They can fuck you up worse than anyone else too," Holli muttered.

"Oh, absolutely," Dorian agreed. "Give me your worst experience, then give me your best."

Holli considered it. "We're trading?"

"Of course."

"Okay. When I was six, I went with my mum down to the shop. It was pretty late, the middle of winter. She was pretty drunk; honestly, it's kind of amazing we got there without crashing the car."

"Car?" Josephine asked.

"It's like a carriage, but it's powered by an engine rather than pulled by horses. It's, like, fully made of metal on the outside. And glass. The engine burns fuel and kinda creates, like, mechanical energy," Holli explained before just giving up. "Anyway, it goes so fast that a lot of people die when they crash. Driving drunk or high is against the law. We got down to the shop; I went in with her. I wandered off to go and pick out some lollies; I'm not sure what she was getting. After a few minutes I see her out the window, driving away. She'd totally forgotten me. I ran out, hoping I could get her to see me before she got too far, but..." Holli shook her head. "I didn't know my way home from that far and in the dark. I just kept walking. Then it started to snow. I was only in my jammies and wellies. It was so fucking freezing, until it wasn't. I don't really know what happened, but I woke up days later in the hospital. I'd nearly died. Someone's dog had found me buried under the snow on the side of the road. Mum didn't even know I was missing until the cops knocked on her door."

Holli vaguely remembered lying down against a wall when she had gotten too tired to keep going, shivering so hard she could barely function. She had no memory of the dog finding her. Social Services took her away for a while, and she'd had to live with some strangers. That had been horrible too. Eventually her mum had got her back, though, for better or worse.

"Maker's Breath," Josephine muttered. "That's terrible."

"That explains your fear of the cold," Dorian noted.

"It's not a fear; it's... an understandable wariness."

Dorian chuckled. "Is that how you explain all your fears, is it?"

Holli shot him a flat look for that.

"Alright, now your best memory with her."

Holli smiled; it was an easy one. "I was eight; I'd just gotten back from school. Mum had been day drinking, and she'd hit that sweet spot by the time I got home. She'd ordered pizza and garlic bread, and we ate it while we painted each other's toenails. Then she got this awesome idea to, like, use the washing basket as a cart and ride it down the stairs. We did it for a while, until I toppled in it and ended up breaking my arm. But before that, it had been a kick-arse afternoon. And after we'd gone to the hospital and I got my cast on, we stopped for ice cream on the way back even though she'd sobered up some by then."

"Even your good memory comes with bodily harm?" Josephine's tone had a bit of incredulity to it.

Holli just shrugged. It had been painful at the time, but the fun time had been worth it. There weren't many of them.

"Your turn," Holli said to Dorian.

"Right. Fair's fair after all," he said, fortifying himself with a deep sip of his wine. "Mine is to do with my father. I was to marry a pretty young thing from one of Tevinter's great houses. She was nice enough, I suppose. So eager to please her father, she was willing to marry me. My... proclivities weren't exactly public knowledge, but the rumour mill was churning. She was aware. She even brought it up in one of our meetings. She would be willing to turn a blind eye if I performed my duty."

"Is being gay a big deal in Tevinter?" Holli asked.

"Gay?"

"Is that not what it's called here? Prefer dudes. Homosexual."

"Why gay?" He questioned.

"Back when being gay was a big no-no, it was a coded word, I think. A gay boy meant a young man who would... service male clients. It just became accepted and turned into a more positive identifier during the Gay Liberation movement in the sixties, I think it was."

"Well, yes, it is a 'big deal'. Every Tevinter family is intermarrying to distil the perfect mage, perfect body, and perfect mind. The perfect leader. It means every perceived flaw – every aberration – is deviant and shameful. It must be hidden. And when I refused to play along... The arguments I could handle. I hated it, but I could live with it. But then I found out my father was planning to – to use blood magic to change me."

"Change you?"

"He was going to do a blood ritual. Alter my mind. Make me... acceptable. I found out. I left."

"Blood magic can do that?"

Was it like some kind of magical conversion therapy? Conversion therapy was torturous; she couldn't imagine what adding magic to the mix would do.

"Maybe. It could also have left me a drooling vegetable. It crushed me to think he found that absurd risk preferable to scandal."

"Sucks not being enough for the people who are supposed to love us," she mumbled, sinking down into her seat and sculling back the rest of her wine.

"That it does," Dorian agreed, tilting his glass towards her.

"What's your happiest memory?"

Dorian's eyes drifted upwards as he thought about it. "I think it would have to be my first successful spell. We didn't even do anything amazing afterwards. It was just the smile on his face and the look of pride. It became harder and harder to attain over the years, but that one is imprinted in my brain."

He trailed off into silence, lost in his thoughts a moment before they both looked at Josephine.

"Your turn," Dorian told her.

"I, uh... I'm not sure I want to talk about it," she replied nervously.

"Yikes, that bad?" Holli asked.

"More... the opposite. I'm afraid my worst memory pales in comparison. It's rather shallow, actually."

"That's what you get when you have a healthy, well-adjusted family," Dorian remarked haughtily.

"Mmm, quite," Holli agreed with that same sense of superiority.

Josephine rolled her eyes into her glass as she drank from it.

"You know," Dorian said, looking at Holli. "This is quite possibly the most depressing session we've ever had. I'm considering revoking your membership."

"I have a joke," she offered.

Dorian gestured for her to go on.

"What's red and bad for your teeth?"

She gave them a moment before the big reveal.

"A brick!"

It sort of shocked an appalled laugh out of Josephine while Dorian looked both annoyed and amused.

"That was terrible; why do I associate with you?" Dorian asked.

Holli just laughed, the first genuine one in a while. She might like pretty ladies' club.

Chapter Text

Holli sat cross-legged on the floor, Cole beside her as they watched Josephine demonstrate the la volta – one of the common ballroom dances in Orlais. They were representing the Inquisition; she didn't want them to be all left feet and present poorly.

Josephine, Cassandra, and Dorian were their teachers, the only ones who knew how to dance at all. Except Vivienne, who had no desire to teach these 'left-footed heathens' anything. But she was interested in watching. Everyone who would be joining them in Halamshiral was expected to learn to dance properly.

Josephine had set aside the entire day for them all to participate in this crash course.

Holli vaguely knew how to waltz, and that was it. Ballroom dancing wasn't something they really learnt where she came from, not unless you took it up as a hobby or competitively.

Watching Dorian and Josephine twirl about, they were super graceful and made it look so easy.

When they finished, Josephine had them all find a partner – which sent her flash backing to school, where she was last picked for sports teams. But Cole looked at her questioningly and held his hand out to her. She took it, and they stood up, ready to give it a go.

She supposed it was a relatively simple dance. Probably wouldn't take Holli too long to memorise the steps.

There weren't enough girls to guys, so Varric and Bull were left looking at each other. Fenris and Hawke were fine dancing with each other, though there was a bit of a battle about who had to be the woman.

"I don't think this is going to work," Varric said.

Holli couldn't help but laugh at the height difference.

"I sure as shit won't be dancing," Bull said. "And I doubt anyone will ask."

"You never know," Dorian said. "Besides, it doesn't hurt to learn. Never know when it will come in handy."

"I don't think I'm going to be able to dance my way out of a battle against demons," he grumbled.

"Not with that attitude."

"I don't want to dance either," Sera piped up. "Not even sure why I need to be there."

"Think of all the pockets to pick," Holli pointed out.

That did spark a gleam in her eyes that Josephine immediately tried to shut down.

"No," Josephine said. "No theft. No gambling. No fighting. No swearing. We are going to behave."

Sera blew a raspberry at the rules. "It already sounded like a shit time; well done on making it worse."

"We are there to make connections, save Orlais, and stop Corypheus," Josephine said.

"We can do four things," Holli muttered.

She was kind of looking forward to it. It would be the closest she would get to her school formal. It sucked it was a work thing, and the music would probably be crap, but she had been hoping it would still be fun. Sera and Cole would be there; there was mischief to be made.

"Let's carry on with the lesson, please," Josephine said. "This is but one of the dances we must learn."

They paired up again, though Sera partnered with Varric and Blackwall with Bull.

Dorian and Josephine lead slowly, giving them time to follow along. Cole's hand around hers was warm and gentle, and as they danced, every now and then he would flash her a quick smile, just this bright thing filled with sunshine.

Holli was able to pick it up quickly and from there was able to teach Cole. He picked it up quicker that way too.

"Well done, Holli, Cole," Josephine said. "The pair of you were born to it."

Holli couldn't help the answering smile at the praise.

Once Josephine was pleased with their progress, she moved them along to the next one. This one was a little more complex and involved dancing in fours and switching partners at times. Cole and Holli shared the floor with Solas and Cassandra. It was clear Cassandra didn't want to be there either but knew how important it was that they didn't look like barbarians.

"Do you like to dance?" Cole asked as he twirled her around.

"It can be fun. Better with music."

Most of her dancing consisted of just dancing around to whatever she and her friends were listening to. No choreography, just whatever they felt like.

"Is this your first time dancing?" She asked him.

He nodded.

"How are you finding it?"

"I like it best when you're my partner."

"Gee, thank you, Cole," Cassandra uttered in a withering tone.

Holli stifled a giggle, but Cole did at least have the grace to look a little embarrassed. He must not have realised how close Cassandra was to them. Holli twirled off into Solas's arms. He wasn't doing too poorly in picking it up either.

"Do you dance much, Solas?" She asked.

"No. And I do not think I will be in Halamshiral either."

"Don't like it?"

"It is not my favourite pastime, no. But also, I'm an elf; I'm as likely to be asked to dance as The Iron Bull."

Holli's eyes widened a little bit. "Are they all racist?"

Stupid question. It truly did seem like most in high places were. And they were going to be entering a den of nobility. The highest nobility, the Empress herself, would be there. Holli was likely to meet her. Josephine had already gone over proper titles and formal greetings yesterday. Hawke had been there too, rolling his eyes every so often.

"I'm sorry people suck," she told him, not sure what else to say.

"At least here I am surrounded by those that don't," he said, giving her a faint smile as he lifted her in the little jump.

It took most of the day before Josephine was satisfied. Or maybe had just given up. She dismissed them all, a few relieved grumbles from the crowd as they shuffled out. Holli was going to make her way to the infirmary to speak with Mr Loewe. She was quite confident a few more bouts of healing and they would be done. His muscles weren't in the best condition, but time and exercise would help that.

Cole and Sera were going to come with her; they were going to get Krem and whatever Charger of his choosing and take another stab at opening a rift.

"Holli, a moment?" Solas called.

Holli turned back, waving Cole and Sera off and letting them know she'd catch up with them later.

"What's up?" She asked, looking up at him questioningly.

"Josephine and I have something for you," he said, gesturing for her to follow.

That was strange. She knew Solas got along fine with most people, but he clearly kept them at a distance, she, Cole, and Varric being the few exceptions. And even then, he was a bit of a closed book with them as well. He and Josephine working on something together seemed odd.

She followed Solas back over to Josephine, who smiled wide when the pair joined her.

"Come, Holli," she said, looping her arm with Holli's and leading her out through the other door in the room. Solas followed a step behind them.

Holli had a vague idea of this area of the castle, but she certainly didn't frequent it. And she didn't know what these rooms were used for. Josephine led her to a door, pushing it open and revealing a room full of fabrics, mannequins, sewing supplies, and people fluttering about.

A tailor's?

"Here," Josephine said, taking her past a row of fabrics and to a mannequin sitting in the light of the nearby window. "This is for you, for the Winter Palace."

As soon as Holli saw the dress, she turned wide eyes to Solas.

He offered a soft smile, tinged with a note of apology. "I know it isn't exact, but I hope it will suffice."

"He's been sitting with the seamstress for days trying to get it just right," Josephine told her, which had the man frowning. "I thought she was going to kick him out yesterday."

Holli covered the few feet between her and Solas quickly, wrapping her arms around him in a crushing hug.

"I love it," she whispered.

It may not have been exactly like the dress she had been wearing in the Fade – the dress she had bought for her formal – but it was so close, and beautiful regardless. And the fact he'd put any effort at all into trying to get it right meant the world to her.

"It's not our usual style, but it has its charm," a woman – Holli assumed the seamstress – eyed the silvery gown critically. "Not sure I like how your shoulders will be bared."

"Please don't change it," Holli said, shifting closer to the dress. "Where I come from, this is a pretty common style."

"Maybe we can add more volume to the skirt, a hoop skirt underneath since you'll be in Orlais—"

"No, this is perfect."

The skirt had enough volume; a few layers underneath, it would flow nicely around her. Holli reached out and touched it, running her fingers over the beads on the bodice.

"Thank you so much for making this," she said softly. "It's perfect. I can't wait to wear it."

"Good," the seamstress said. "You can put it on now so I can make sure it fits properly."

Holli nodded, obeying the woman's instructions. There were no mirrors in the room for her to see, but with the sound of the beads as she walked and the feel of the fabric, she felt pretty. The seamstress fluttered about her, writing things down on a piece of parchment.

"How does it look?" Holli asked Josephine and Solas.

"It's beautiful. Once your hair and makeup are done, a few simple pieces of jewellery, you'll be a vision," Josephine said.

The seamstress told her to get out of the dress; she had a few alterations to make.

When Holli was dressed, she left the tailors with Solas, making their way back to the main hall.

"Thank you for doing that, Solas," she said. "Thanks aren't even enough."

"It was nothing," he replied.

"Not to me."

"Because there is a sweetness to you, Holli. Underneath the sarcasm and occasional bout of apathy. Never change."

"You're pretty sweet too, you know," she said.

Given everything he had done for her since arriving here and now this with the dress, it was so unnecessary and served no other purpose than to make her happy.

He let out a chuckle then, genuine mirth in the sound. "I think I can honestly say you are the only person who has ever said so."

"Doubt I'm the only one to think so, though," she shrugged a shoulder. "Thank you for being my friend."

She wasn't usually such a sap out loud, but she really wanted him to know she truly appreciated everything he'd done for her since she landed here.

"I value your friendship also," he told her.

"Holli, just the person I wanted to see," Varric said, calling across the main hall.

She and Solas joined him in front of the fireplace. He had a few chairs there now, likely because Hawke and Fenris were regular visitors. Solas and Holli took a seat, Varric settling back into his.

"What's up?" She asked.

"I think it's time we talk about the birds and the bees," he began.

Holli's brow furrowed, and she looked to Solas, who looked about ready to facepalm.

"Birds and bees or 'the birds and the bee's", she air quoted, just to make sure she was clear.

"The latter," he replied, steepling his fingers.

"You're going to educate me on reproduction?" She asked, amused and a little embarrassed. "I think I'm probably more up to speed on the happenings than you are."

"If you want to be so clinical about it," he muttered.

"If we're not being clinical, what's left?" Her eyes widened along with her grin. "Are you going to teach me how to pleasure a man?"

"Gods, no," Solas said, both men looking disgusted with the idea.

"Then what are we doing here?"

"I just wanted to make sure you knew where babies came from and how they got there," Varric said.

"Yes, we had sex ed in school. And you know, I'm a person... who has eyes and ears. Actually, I suppose I don't know what would be used for contraception here. I was just planning to ask a woman once it became an issue. But how do you prevent pregnancy? Aside from abstinence."

"There is a special tea that can be brewed and taken regularly," Solas told her. "Most women are familiar with it, if you're more comfortable talking to... anyone else."

"Hey, I think I'm handling this with superb grace and dignity," Varric interjected.

"You would be the only one to think so," Solas told him.

"Why are you bringing this up now?" She asked Varric.

"You're of an age now where things happen, curiosities are alighted."

Holli laughed. "I was of an age before I got here. And I've had a boyfriend before. Granted, he did dump me because I wasn't ready for sex..." She trailed off, that old sting coming back. "Maybe I should have just done it. Gotta get it over with at some point, right?"

She'd said it quietly, more to herself than anything. It was a tired old argument with herself. If she'd just been less of a prude or less inhibited, she might have been able to keep him. Instead he'd gone for the class slag.

"No!" Both men were quite vehement about that, startling her out of her thoughts.

"Never force yourself," Varric told her.

"And never let anyone manipulate or guilt you into it."

Holli rolled her eyes. "Of course you'd say that; it's, like, the proper thing to say. You have to say it. But realistically –

"Realistically, not before you're ready," Varric pressed. "It definitely shouldn't be something you do to get it over with."

"Yeah, but—"

"No buts," Varric said.

Holli didn't believe him. Of course, in a perfect world she would when she was ready, and the person for her would be content to wait, blah blah blah. But that wasn't how real life worked.

"If I had done it though, maybe he wouldn't have dumped me."

"Why would you want to keep someone like that?" Solas asked softly.

"... I really liked him," she muttered with a shrug.

And it stung; he didn't like her enough. They were stomping all over the sore spot now.

"I know it's stupid," she added, still in that low tone, tinged with a bit of shame.

"It's not stupid," Solas said softly. "We've all done things for love that we regret."

Holli and Varric exchanged a look. Solas had never sounded so... unguarded.

"He's right," Varric agreed. "Take it from a couple of experienced old men. You don't want to end up like us."

"But you're both so cooool, though," she joked, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"We are. Well, I am. But it comes with a cost, little bird," Varric said. "Now, run along. Be safe. Be good."

Really? He was just dismissing her? He dragged her into this uncomfortable conversation in the first place, and now he was done?

"Are you sure? This could probably get more awkward if we tried hard enough."

Varric chuckled and waved her off. "Don't challenge me, little girl. I will absolutely call your bluff."

Holli was tempted to push it, but she was already cringing inside. Discussing sex with these two was not something she was keen on. She'd never even discussed it with her own mother. School, friends, and media were where she got all her info. She supposed it was nice Varric cared enough to... educate her. Solas and Varric had taken on an almost caregiving role when it came to her and Cole.

She did wonder about Solas's comment. Just the tone of his voice and the look on his face, it had stirred her sympathy and compassion. He always seemed so solitary; it hadn't occurred to her he might have loved someone before.

"Fine," Holli said, getting up from her seat. "Got better things to do than hang around here anyway. Laters."

She gave a wave as she headed off. She still needed to get to the infirmary. She'd have to give up on the rift practice today.

"Was this conversation necessary?" Solas asked Varric once Holli was gone.

"I wanted to be sure. Cole likes her, the stable boy likes her, and one of them is going to act at some point. I thought we should get in front of it."

In hindsight, discussing reproduction with someone who reads anatomy books and wants to be a doctor was probably a bit silly; of course she'd know the hows of it. And she was usually quite mature and handled most situations well, to the point even he could forget how young and inexperienced she was. But then she would say something like that, and the illusion would be shattered.

She was just a girl, and like most girls, she had considered doing something stupid for a boy.

"So, tell me about this great regret of yours," Varric said to Solas.

"I'd rather not."