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Chapter Text

Rey.

Rey couldn’t tell if the words were his or if it was simply a manifestation of the Force calling out to her in her head. When she first heard the call, Rey had assumed that it was Luke Skywalker finally calling out to her in surrender. The pull that she felt through the Force was insistent and desperate; it fought for her attention constantly. It hadn’t taken her long to figure out that the message coming through the void was nothing like Luke’s Force signature.

It was him. Ben Solo. Rey was sure of it. And for some reason he was calling out to her, pulling at the edges of the Force and begging her to come and find him. It wasn’t the first time that he had tried to reach out to her. Ben Solo and Luke Skywalker both had been using the Force to annoy Rey’s thoughts ever since she had abandoned them three years ago. But this was the first time that Rey had received any kind of message from either of them.

Come and find me.

Rey had no interest in Luke’s nephew - the powerful Jedi Knight and Luke’s right-handed Apprentice - but she couldn’t deny the fact that he would make a promising war prize if she could successfully capture him. She was certain that Ben knew where Luke was, and even if she was unable to make him yield this information to her, she could still kill him and save the galaxy from one more useless Jedi Knight.

However, Rey wasn’t exactly eager to come face-to-face with Ben Solo - the man she had betrayed and left for dead over three years ago. She had no idea what his intentions could be in calling out to her after all this time, but none of them could be good. he had given her coordinates to a deserted area on Takodana in the Western Reaches. Rey knew that there were known Resistance sympathizers in and around the planet, but she wasn’t afraid to toe at the edges of enemy territory. In fact, she couldn’t suppress a wicked smile as she began her descent onto the lush green planet. She actually hoped that some of the Resistance pests would appear out of the woodwork and be foolish enough to get in her way.

As she gently broke through Takodana’s atmosphere there was suddenly a sharp image in her mind - a peaceful clearing full of green trees and sparkling sunlight. Here, said the voice in her head. Rey’s brow furrowed slightly as the ground below slowly rose to meet her. So much for being met with a surprise attack - judging by the image in her head, Ben was completely alone and waiting for her in the middle of nowhere without any added defenses. What the hell was this idiot planning?

Rey was cautious as she neared the spot she was being pulled towards. She was flying a First Order TIE fighter, so she wasn’t exactly inconspicuous. She was wary of any possible snipers on the ground, who would be able to immediately recognize her as the enemy and possibly give her trouble. However, Ben Solo really had picked a secluded spot and - whatever his reasons - Rey was momentarily grateful to him, as Takodana welcomed her with open arms.

In fact, the area below her ship was so secluded that she had to search for several minutes before her keen pilot’s eye was able to find a break in the trees large enough for her to maneuver through the fauna and land on solid ground. Even then, the TIE fighter barely managed to fit through the thick foliage, and Rey brought down a rain of tree branches and leaves with her as she descended.

Rey killed the TIE fighter’s engines and sighed heavily, closing her eyes and opening herself up to the Force. His Force signature was crystal clear now - shining bright green through the ether. He had sensed her arrival and was pulling more insistently now. Come, come, he urged impatiently. Rey scowled and glared out the window at Takodana’s colorful fauna. What the hell did Ben think he was doing? He was hassling her, just as he had done back when she was a child. The implied condescension made the hot ball of frustration in Rey’s chest flare.

She punched the button on the console to lower the ship’s landing ramp and shoved herself out of the pilot’s seat. This better be good, she thought to herself, reaching out with the Force to convey her annoyance to Ben.

The air outside on Takodana’s surface was humid, but not stiflingly so. Everything smelled of dirt and plants and nature. Rey actually liked the peaceful sensation of the forest, but she didn’t pause to enjoy it. She couldn’t be distracted or swayed from her mission by such petty, insignificant things. her double-ended red lightsaber ignited at her side as her solid black boots landed on Takodana’s surface. Come out, come out, she thought tauntingly, giving her own forceful tug to the Force. Where are you, Benny?

The crackling, uneven energy of her lightsaber wavered along her right side, occasionally glancing across any fauna that got in Rey’s way. Rey liked the way that the plants - so green and vibrant with life - would wither away from her saber’s touch, disappearing into black ashes at her feet. Her footsteps were confident as she moved forward, and she was able to maneuver easily through the woods.

Ben’s Force signature remained constant - a glowing green beacon through the trees, patiently waiting for her to find him. A low-hanging branch scraped against the black hood that Rey had drawn up over her head. Its hooked fingers wheedled their way under her thick hood and ensnared themselves in her loose brown hair. With a grunt of annoyance and a flick of her lightsaber, Rey sliced the twig in two. She was still fidgeting with unknotting the twig from her hair when she finally reached the clearing where Ben was sitting in a classic lotus position, meditating peacefully.

Rey was momentarily struck by the strangeness of finally facing Ben Solo. It had only been three years since she and her Knights of Ren had destroyed Luke Skywalker’s Jedi Academy, but it seemed to her as if it had been a lifetime ago. When she looked down at the pristinely meditating Jedi, flashed of that dark and rainy night immediately swelled to the forefront of her mind. It wasn’t the helpless screams of the terrified young faces of Luke’s Padawans that made Rey’s pulse skip through her veins. It was something far more troubling - a memory that she had thought she had rid herself of a long time ago.

“Why Takodana?” Rey grumbled aloud, skipping any pretense as she finally managed to release the rogue twig from her hair, and the unwelcome memories from her mind.

She watched as a slight smile turned up the edges of Ben’s mouth, but he didn’t reply. In fact, he didn’t even move. He simply sat there, meditating - seemingly at ease despite the fact that Rey stood no more than ten feet away from him with her dangerous saberstaff fully ignited. Rey cocked her head slightly as she silently inspected him. He had grown since she had last seen him. Not in height - Ben had been a solid 6′3″ from the time he was twelve-years-old - but in his face and the way he held himself. He seemed more … tired than she remembered.

His dark hair was longer, and it curled down around his ears and neck. He also had a thin layer of hair around his mouth and chin, showing that he hadn’t shaved in a while. He had taken off his brown boots and they were resting beside him alongside the hilt of his own lightsaber. His breath was rising and falling in measured rhythm as he remained completely still, even as the wind blew through his hair and made the forest dance around him.

Rey told herself that she observed all of this as a hunter observing her prey, but with dark memories still fresh in her mind, she wasn’t sure if that was entirely true. She could feel his attention on her as she padded quietly around him, simply observing. She twirled her saberstaff idly around her body, but Ben was not disrupted by the dangerous whomp whoosh sound that it made as it cut through the air around him. The crackling, uneven red light seemed to mirror Rey’s own energy. There was something sparking just under her skin - was it annoyance or excitement?

“Well?” Rey finally asked through clenched teeth, breaking the unbearable silence. “Are you going to tell me why you have this insane death wish?”

“Why did you come?” Ben asked suddenly, completely ignoring her question. He didn’t even twitch from his meditative position and his eyes remained closed.

Rey scowled even though she knew that Ben would not see it. She allowed a few moments of silence to slip between them as she continued to pace her steady circle around the meditating Jedi. “Wasn’t it you who called me?” she asked finally, deciding to follow his lead and answer his questions with further questions.

“Years of ignoring me,” he muttered, as if to himself. “I’ve called out to you before. Why now? Why did you finally come?”

“You finally have something that I want,” Rey sneered, stopping dead in front of him. She spread her feet into a fighting stance and readied her double-ended weapon. She saw Ben take a quick intake of breath and her sneer widened into a wicked grin.

“So?” she prompted him. “Are we doing this the easy way or the hard way?”

“I’m not going to fight you,” Ben sighed heavily, finally opening his eyes to regard her. His eyes roamed slowly from the tips of her black boots to the top of her head and Rey watched him take her in with a secret swell of pride. She knew that she was beautiful - a powerful, full-grown woman now, and not the scrawny, awkward Padawan that he probably remembered. However, when he met her gaze, a flash of some emotion crossed over his face. Was it sadness? Pity?

Rey’s grin fell into a growl and she gave her saberstaff another artful spin, the red glow illuminating Ben’s features. “Face me, Jedi.” Her voice was low and poisonous.

Ben gave a slow shake of his head. “I will not fight you, Rey,” he repeated. His voice was tinted by the same soft emotion that his eyes were, and that made Rey furious.

Her left hand snapped forward, her black-gloved fingers reaching towards the Jedi Knight, who was still sitting in his meditative position on the ground. Ben let out a small gasp and his eyes widened as Rey used the Force to immobilize him. “Should have fought back when you had the chance,” Rey hissed as she felt Ben fight against her. He was no match for her - not now, when she had this much anger and frustration to fuel her connection to the Dark side.

Once again Ben’s eyes rose to meet Rey’s and she actually heard his voice through the Force as he reached out to her, as clearly as if he had spoken aloud. Rey, please. You don’t have to do this. Rey took a step closer, thrusting her arm as she pushed Ben back with the Force. “No second chances,” she reminded him, her voice filled with iron and hate.

Rey smiled as she watched Ben’s throat clench uncomfortably under her oppression and then she began forcing her way through his mind. He did a very good job at creating barriers against her, but she was always able to find a way around them. You’ll have to do better than that, she thought to herself, hoping that Ben would hear her. His mind was filled with memories from Luke’s Academy - memories of who he used to be. Memories of who she used to be.

“Still so fixated on the past,” Rey muttered aloud, gritting her teeth against the unwanted images flooding into her mind. “When will you grow up, Benny?” Rey knew that he hated the nickname, but unfortunately the name elicited even more memories of the two of them as young Padawans. Rey growled out loud, thrusting the useless images aside and digging deeper.

“Rey … don’t …” Ben gasped, fighting desperately to keep her away from what she was seeking.

“You know where he is, don’t you?” Rey hissed. It was not a question. “You know where Luke Skywalker is hiding.”

Ben winced as she took another step forward and increased the pressure she was pushing down upon him. He had always been the only one who could even come close to matching her power. Being able to overpower him now simply fueled Rey’s determination to get what she wanted out of him. “Show me where he is!” she demanded.

A shudder shook through the Jedi Knight as he mustered the last of his strength and attempted to push Rey back out of his head. She felt his power like a solid iron wall, fighting her back. The Force roiled around Rey like a thunderstorm as she felt her grasp on his thoughts weakening. In a last-ditch effort to maintain the upper-hand of this situation, Rey snatched her hand away from Ben’s face, stealing away the breath of his consciousness. Ben’s eyelids fluttered over his dark eyes and he crumpled to the ground as he blacked out.

Rey was panting like an enraged animal as she looked down at the unconscious Jedi. It would be so easy to kill him, she thought to herself. Just one quick swipe of her lightsaber and she would easily be able to impale him straight through the heart, or render his head from his body. Maybe then the nightmares would stop. Maybe then she would finally be able to put Ben Solo behind her.

But she couldn’t. It wasn’t just that he had information that she needed - she could uncover other ways of finding Luke Skywalker. It all came down to that strange, soft look that Ben had given her. As if he knew the Darkness within her - the blood she had spilled, the anger she felt, the childish way that she greedily hungered for power - and yet he still believed her to be good. Ben had always said that he saw the Light within Rey. She wondered if he still could.

She certainly couldn’t.

The Darkness rolled around her like a living thing. A hungry animal waiting to pounce on and devour its prey. With the Dark side of the Force it was always kill or be killed. Rey reached out to the Darkness, glad that no one was around to see the way her hand shook. One wrong move and the angry beast could easily decide that she would be its next prey. The Darkness lent her its strength and she used this power to lift Ben Solo off of the forest floor.

With his arm around her shoulder and the Force supporting his weight, Rey was able to easily drag him back the way she had come, towards where her TIE fighter idly stood.

But restraining Ben proved much more difficult than lifting him, since Rey found that she hadn’t exactly prepared for this hostage scenario to happen. Luckily, she was able to find a handful of loose wiring in one of the storage cabinets on the ship, which were meant to be used in case of emergency for electronic patch-ups. She used these to strap his wrists and ankles to the gunner’s chair, which sat directly behind the pilot’s. She made sure that they were tight enough to prevent him from moving, but not tight enough to leave marks. She didn’t know why she allowed him this convenience, but she didn’t pause to dwell.

She stored his lightsaber alongside her own on her belt and tossed his abandoned boots underneath the control board. Rey let out a small noise halfway between an amused snicker and an annoyed grunt as she realized that Ben’s long legs allowed for very little space in the TIE fighter’s cockpit, and he barely fit in the small gunner’s chair.

In all, it was a rather cramped space, but it was all that she had. The ship had been more than enough space for a lone pilot, but it wasn’t exactly conducive to act as an interrogation chamber. When she left the First Order, she had needed a small, fast ship that no one was likely to miss for a while. The First Order knew of Rey’s plan to seek out Ben Solo and retrieve data leading to Luke Skywalker, but they didn’t know that she had her own secret motives for coming to Takodana.

The First Order had always been a means to an end for Rey. Simply put, they had the supplies and manpower that she needed in order to fuel her expedition to find and destroy Luke Skywalker, and that was enough to make her loyal to them. For now. The Order and Rey had similar goals, but each had a very different way of going about them.

Rey knew that the First Order had bigger plans for the galaxy besides killing the last of the Jedis, and the First Order in turn knew that Rey was a rogue agent who had only one mission in life: to destroy Luke Skywalker. Neither party had any illusions about the other, but they continued to help each other in order to complete their shared missions.

Even her loyalty to Supreme Leader Snoke went only so far. Rey owed much of her strength and training to Master Snoke, but both knew how the Rule of Two worked. One day, the Master would terminate the Apprentice or the Apprentice would overturn the Master. Life on the Dark side of the Force was extremely simple to understand. Rey would help Snoke as best she could, but both knew that there would come a day when she would refuse to bow to Snoke’s will. In the three years that he had been teaching her she had already grown immensely, her power nearly matching his own. One day - perhaps one day soon - she would end Snoke and take control. Until then, she was cautious of tip-toeing around the border of obedience, but certainly not afraid to do whatever it took in order to achieve her own ends.

Ben Solo groaned in his sleep, tearing Rey away from her thoughts of the Order and how long it would take for them to come searching for her. A frown darkened her captive’s expression and she watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed. Rey crouched before him, elbows on her knees, and watched his fitful sleep. She wondered if he still had nightmares, too.

“Oh, Ben,” she sighed aloud, her voice surprisingly soft in the small space. She was glad that he wasn’t conscious to hear her. “Why did you do this?”

Chapter Text

Ben woke with a start, his limbs straining against the cables that Rey had secured around him. He muttered a curse under his breath as his head snapped to attention and he began to slowly take in his surroundings. Rey watched him from the shadow of her black hood and smiled menacingly. “Welcome,” she told him, her voice as soft and sweet as the darkness that surrounded her. The two of them were lit only by the glowing green and red buttons dotting the control panels of the TIE fighter, casting the small cockpit in an eerie sort of glow.

Ben growled as he fought once more to free his arms and legs. “Let me go, Rey,” he commanded, his voice far less confident and sure than it had been in the peaceful calm of the clearing outside.

“Not until I find what I’m looking for,” Rey reminded him coolly, as she stood from her crouching position and took a step closer to him. It felt good to be looking down on him like this, knowing he was helpless and completely at her mercy.

Ben watched her silently. She couldn’t tell if his expression was one of anger or contemplation as he sized her up. The glowing light of the console lit only the left side of his face, making his expression more severe and harder to read.

“Take off that cape,” he finally said, his voice no more than a whisper. “You don’t need it here.”

Rey considered the command. She wanted to refuse simply to spite him, but she knew he was right - there was no need to hide her face form him. Not here, where she had him contained and completely powerless. With on elegant, sweeping gesture she pulled back her thick, black hood and let the cape slip from her shoulders, down her back, and pool at the floor around her feet. She raised an eyebrow at her captive, taunting him. “Better?” she teased.

She saw Ben’s mouth tighten and his brow seemed to furrow further, but he said nothing. He simply looked at her, his dark eyes deep and fathomless in this shadowed environment. Rey considered turning on the lights in the cockpit so that she could get a better read of him, but instead she reached out with the Force, feeling his tension and anxiety like sharp pin-pricks against her skin.

“You know where Luke Skywalker is.” Her voice was firm and even, cutting right to the heart of the matter. “And now you’re going to tell me.”

“No,” Ben responded, his voice mirroring hers in strength.

Rey’s expression darkened as she raised her hand once more to his face. “Then I’ll just have to take it from you,” she said matter-of-factly.

Ben’s chest began to rise and fall as his breaths became shallow and strained. His head drooped towards his chest and he clenched his eyes shut in a grimace as Rey once more invaded his mind. The images that rushed through her head were the same as before, but this time they seemed somehow stronger - more tangible. She saw images of a young girl, her hair tied up in three knotted buns down the back of her head and light freckles dotted across her nose. In Ben’s mind the girl smiled and the world around her seemed to brighten.

Rey grunted as she tossed this useless information aside. The last thing that she needed right now was to take a walk down memory lane with Ben Solo. Next, she saw an image of Ben all alone in his chambers at Luke’s Jedi Academy. It was late at night and the hallways were silent, but the young teenager couldn’t sleep. He stared out at the stars and was filled with a desperate, hollow loneliness. If he concentrated on the constellations long enough, he thought that he could just make out the Force signature of his parents, both of them far away and living lives that he knew nothing about. He wondered if they ever even thought of him anymore. In this huge galaxy, filled with planets and moons and stars beyond measure, he was completely and utterly alone.

“Poor Ben,” Rey sneered aloud, knowing that the flashes of memory she was seeing were also running through Ben’s mind. “What a sad, lonely boy you were. Nothing has changed.”

Ben raised his head to glare at her. “Stop,” he commanded, though his voice was not nearly as steady as it should have been.

The image faded and was replaced by the young girl again. Her hair was mussed and falling down from the three buns, feathering out around her round, young face. Angry tears welled in her hazel eyes but none of them fell. Her tiny hands were clenched at her sides as she fought to hold herself together. Sadness and loneliness rolled off of her in waves. She was so desperate to be accepted into the Academy, and at the same time she hated everyone there. She knew she was better than all of them, and she was going to prove it. She would prove that she didn’t need anyone. She would prove that she was strong enough.

Suddenly, a young, teenage Ben was there. He kneeled so that he could be at eye-level with the young girl. He gently took her clenched fists in his own large hands and gave her a small smile, his dark eyes deep and brimming with the same desperate loneliness that the girl felt.

“Don’t be afraid,” he said. “I feel it, too.”

Rey let out a growl of frustration as she worked to suppress the memories flooding from Ben’s head into her own. The images faded from her mind and she realized that the words that she had just heard had not simply been part of the memory, but had been spoken aloud by the adult Ben Solo sitting before her now. He was watching her carefully, his dark eyes soft in the shadows of the cockpit. Rey wished that she could snatch that look off of his face and shred it to pieces.

“What’s the use?” she spat angrily, despite herself. What was the use of holding on to all of these old memories? She had shown weakness that day when she had let Ben watch her cry, and Ben had seized upon it. She had been a lost, lonely, stupid girl and Ben Solo had tried to use that against her. Well, she wasn’t that crying little girl anymore. She was powerful and she would prove it to him.

Her teeth ground together as she refocused her energy and reached further into Ben’s mind. She could see what she was looking for - the map to Luke Skywalker. It was so close, just out of her reach, just there …

Before Rey could seize upon the thought in Ben’s head she felt a sudden, unwelcome tightness in her chest. Her eyes were glued to Ben’s as he fought against her, reversing her powers and bending them to his own will. She felt the fingers of his consciousness brush against her own thoughts and for just a moment Rey felt fear strike through her like a lightening bolt.

Now it was Ben searching through her memories - the memories that she thought she had locked away for good. Memories of a young girl, screaming desperately towards a ship, disappearing over the horizon and never to be seen again. No, don’t go! Don’t leave me! Come back! The tightness in Rey’s chest made her choke on her breath and threatened to suffocate her. The young girl’s fear and desperation felt as if they were clawing at the inside of her throat, making her want to scream.

“Enough!” Rey cried, her voice a savage snarl as she broke whatever connection had formed between them. She was panting from exertion and as she glared at her captive she noticed that he was as well. The two of them sat like that - staring at each other and catching their breaths - for a few silent minutes.

Rey was absolutely mortified. It was bad enough to know that Ben still held on so strongly to the memories of her as a child, but for him to call out those memories in her own mind - memories that she had thought were long lost to the shadows of the Dark side - was completely unforgivable. Her breath hissed through her teeth as she stood there, snarling at him. How had he bended her power - hers - to his will? She knew that she was stronger than him, so how had he so easily defeated her? Surely that wasn’t a trick that Luke Skywalker had taught him.

Through her seething blind rage, Rey noticed that Ben was opening his mouth to say something, and she knew that she had to cut him off. There was no way he would get the upper-hand over her. Never again. “This was a mistake,” she said, her words like daggers. “I should have just killed you back in that clearing. I’ll come up with another way to find Luke Skywalker.”

Ben was silent for a moment as he watched her. Finally he said, “Do it, then. Kill me.”

Rey growled and took a step forward, closing the distance between them. At the same time she grasped her lightsaber hilt from her belt and ignited it, bringing the dangerous red blade to rest mere centimeters away from Ben’s neck. She liked the way that the red light clearly lit up his features and she could see the fear in his eyes.

“Don’t tempt me,” she snarled, her voice low and filled with venom.

Ben’s head tilted away from the burning heat of her blade and Rey took a step backward. She knew it was useless to kill him here like this. No matter how much it humiliated her to allow Ben to glimpse into her mind and live, she knew that there could still be a way for her to get information out of him. It was clear that he still saw her as that sad, lost little girl. Perhaps she could use that to her advantage, even if it made her sick.

She turned off her lightsaber, casting the cockpit into near-darkness once again. She could hear the quiet, labored breaths that Ben was fighting to control. He really had thought that she was going kill him. Good, she thought. Perhaps she could consider his fear a small consolation prize.

Rey stomped around her captive and collapsed into her pilot’s chair with a huff, simply so that she would not have to look at Ben’s stupid, sympathetic face anymore. After a moment of silence she felt the Force shifting around her and realized that Ben was reaching out to her. She didn’t hesitate to see if he was searching out of curiosity or genuine dumb kindness. Instead, she immediately put up every mental shield she had to block him out. To block out his Force signature. To block out everything.

“Tomorrow you will tell me where Luke Skywalker is,” she stated into the silence of the cockpit.

Ben sighed but did not respond. “How long are you going to keep me tied up like this?” he asked.

Rey silently rolled her eyes, exhausted by his habit of answering questions with questions - a trait that he no doubt picked up from Luke over the years. She stubbornly locked her jaw and pulled her legs up around her in the spacious pilot seat, refusing to answer him. She rested her forehead on her knees, unaware until now how exhausted she was after her mental battle with Ben.

She could feel the Force relaxing around her as he slipped into a fitful sleep and, even though the sunlight still shone bright outside of the cockpit’s windows, Rey quickly followed suit.

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From the second that she slipped into unconsciousness, Rey could sense that something was … different. Despite her attempt to build up her defenses against Ben and everything else around her, Rey immediately felt the influence of the Force engulfing her. The Force that surrounded her now was nothing like the Darkness that she had grown so accustomed to. It was still a living creature - there was no doubt about that - but this one was far more neutral in its intentions. Instead of a snarling wolf stalking her, she felt the Force like a deer in the woods - completely confident in its natural environment, it’s motions sure and unconcerned.

Rey sighed despite herself as she settled into the feel of the Force. It had been a long time since she had experienced it like this. For the past three years she had spent her time exclusively at Supreme Leader Snoke’s side, reveling in the shadows and soaking in the power of the Dark. There, the Force never enveloped you like a soft blanket. There, the Force was simply a tool to be used.

Suddenly, Rey’s thoughts were tinged with a warm green color, which she instantly recognized as Ben. Her emotions flared at his closeness and her own Force signature - a deep, bloody red, rose to comingle with his. Somewhere in the darkness of her mind images began to take shape and shift as a dream began to take form in her head.

Rey was back at the Academy, eyes brimming with tears and fists clenched at her side. But this time, she was not a young girl. She was a fully-fledged woman, dressed from head to toe in the black robes that the Dark side favored. Ben was there, too - still dressed in his Padawan robes, but most definitely a man. His dark eyes echoed the tired look that he had worn earlier that day in the forest and the stubble around his face proved that this was no mere teenager.

Rey choked as she felt that feeling in her chest again. The gaping, raw wound of loneliness. She was so angry at everyone and everything, while at the same time wishing that someone - anyone - would at least try to understand her.

Don’t be afraid, Ben was saying in her mind. I feel it, too.

Rey’s fingernails dug into the palms of her hands as she realized that she was afraid. She was afraid that no one would ever understand. That no one would ever care about her. That her parents would never return. A sob escaped her lips despite herself and she wanted nothing more than to run away and to hide her weakness and shame from Ben. But she knew, in the way that only a dreamer could know, that her attempts at escape would be futile.

Her legs felt like they were rooted to the ground, while at the same time she felt her knees go weak. Rey collapsed in on herself like an imploding sun, the void inside her burning black and endless. She folded her arms around her legs, burying her face in her knees. She wanted to disappear. She wanted to stop existing. She wanted these terrible feelings to go away for good.

Rey.

Her head shook from side to side against her knees. She didn’t want to look at him. She was nothing. She was nobody. She was void.

Rey.

She felt him kneel before her, a comforting presence right there - waiting for her to reach out and grab for it.

Go away! she screamed, her voice raw with the pain emanating from her chest.

There was the slightest touch as Ben’s hands brushed against the backs of Rey’s arms, and then she was collapsing into him, too - sobbing against his chest with reckless abandon. She hated herself for acting like this. But more than that, she hated him for being there to see it.

Her whole body shook as Rey felt herself being turned inside out, her heart exploding out through her chest and into the open. With Ben’s arms around her, she could feel his own aching loneliness as well. Together they each sat there - mourning their shared misfortune. Rey leaned forward and nestled her nose into Ben’s neck - something about him smelled comforting, almost like … home.

Her lips grazed against his skin, craving human contact. They were both surprised when this elicited a soft moan from deep in Ben’s chest. It vibrated through him and made her hunger for contact that much more ravenous. She pressed into him in earnest now, lips leaving deliberate kisses along the side of his neck. She felt his arms tense around her, urging her on.

As Rey began to gently trace his jawline with her mouth, it suddenly occurred to her how wrong this was. Not only was he the enemy - he was a Jedi, sworn to a life of romantic and sexual celibacy. Even though she was under no such oath in her journey to becoming a Sith Knight, she had always thought that relationships such as this were a wasteful use of time and energy. Not to mention the fact that she had never imagined herself capable of being able to open up to another being so candidly.

His right hand rose to her face, his fingers brushing against her hair as his thumb grazed across her cheek. The void in Rey’s chest throbbed as he looked down at her, his gaze just as hungry as hers. Rey saw her dream self kiss Ben but she felt nothing, for as soon as their lips touched she was thrown violently awake. She jumped to her feet, exploding out of the pilot’s seat with a startled gasp. Her chest was heaving again and a sheen of sweat hung around her forehead.

What the hell was that? she thought to herself, her heart pounding against her chest. Part of her attempted to rationalize that it was just a foolish dream fueled by anger and exhaustion. But deep within herself she knew. It was more than just a dream.

There was a rustle from behind her as Ben shifted in the gunner’s seat, his limbs straining once more against his restraints. Rey winced, knowing already that he had seen everything that she had. He had been there, in her thoughts, and she had been powerless against him.

Rey’s breath only quickened as she realized this, anger threatening to swallow up her senses completely. Her vision was tinted with red when she heard a soft, deep voice from behind her.

“Rey? Are you okay?”

“What the hell did you do?” she snapped, her voice ringing off of the mechanics around them.

“What did I do?” Ben echoed incredulously. Rey remained where she was standing, her stiff back facing towards the gunner’s chair so that she would not have to look him in the eye. “That wasn’t me.”

“Well it certainly wasn’t me!” Rey lied, desperate to erase the memory of what had just occurred between the two of them.

“Have you …” Ben stuttered to a stop before asking, “Has that kind of thing ever happened to you before?”

“You mean someone purposefully invading my dreams?” Rey asked, wincing at the very admission of it. “Of course not! What the hell has Luke Skywalker been teaching you?”

“That had nothing to do with Luke Skywalker,” Ben bit back defensively. He paused for a moment in thought before continuing, “He did tell me … I thought it was just an old fairy tale. Have you heard of a Force Bond?”

Rey had. In fact, it had been Luke himself who had told her the old stories, back when she was still one of his many Padawans. She had thought it nothing more than a fanciful tale herself. A romantic story for romantic dreamers - nothing that could be of any use to a Dark Force user such as herself.

“That’s ridiculous,” she muttered into the darkness, clenching her fists and wishing that she could erase the memory of Ben’s kiss from her thoughts.

“How else do you explain it?” Ben snapped, his own voice tense with hidden emotions.

Rey’s jaw hurt with the force that she used to clench her teeth together. She snapped her arm at her side, using the Force to open the TIE fighter’s hatch and bathe the cockpit in the rays of the setting sun. She stormed down the landing ramp, ignoring Ben’s calls from the cockpit as he strained to break free and begged for Rey to come back.

Rey walked aimlessly through the woods, desperate for a place where she would no longer feel completely suffocated by Ben’s calming green Force signature. Even though she walked for several minutes, she could still feel him in the cockpit, calling to her.

Rey, come back. No voice had ever been so clear in her head. How in the hell was he doing this? Rey, please. We can figure this out together.

Rey didn’t want to do anything “together” with him. She was contemplating leaving him abandoned in the cockpit of her TIE fighter to slowly starve to death. She didn’t know where the nearest town was, but she would walk until she found a sentient lifeform who she could use to get her off of this God-forsaken planet. Coming to Takodana had been a huge mistake. She would leave Ben far, far behind her and forget that any of this had ever happened.

Rey felt a presence around her as Ben reached out and tried to pull her back. She felt him around her, as if he were right there.

“Stop it!” she screamed aloud despite herself, grasping at her head and willing Ben out of her thoughts. She took measured breaths in an attempt to calm herself. She reached out into the Force with abandon, using whatever she could blindly grasp at to build up a wall around her mind. Get out, she demanded, forcing the strange ghost of Ben away. Go away.

Finally, she felt Ben’s presence diminishing as he was forcefully pushed away from her. But the emptiness that Rey felt inside her head once he was gone only left her feeling more lost and out of control than before. How had this happened? Why was Ben Solo, of all people, the one that she had to create a Force Bond with? But above all else, why could she not stop picturing him kissing her?

Chapter Text

Rey sank to the forest floor, her body curling instinctively into a meditative position. Her body felt as if it was electrified. She could feel her pulse pumping erratically in her veins. Her mind felt hollow and exhausted, her nap on the TIE fighter completely ruined by Ben’s interference.

She could still feel him on the periphery of her mind, searching for a way to break through her barriers and contact her. She ignored his incessant buzzing and focused instead on measuring her breath and clearing her cluttered thoughts. She refused to face him until she had control over her own mind again. She was useless like this - her emotions spilling everywhere and long-lost memories crowding to the forefront of her thoughts. She knew that Supreme Leader Snoke would be disappointed in her. Hell, she was disappointed in herself.

Rey felt the Force shifting around her - it was the same, peaceful Force that had enveloped her dreams. She pushed it away in frustration, reaching further until she found the Dark, powerful Force that she required at a time like this. She felt its strength folding around her and her mind cleared as the darkness filled her. The hollow space in her mind and the aching sensation in her chest faded away into the shadows as she felt herself being filled with numb purpose.

Remember your mission, she reminded herself. Use this new power to your advantage.

As she slowly unfurled her mind to the Force, she realized that Ben’s incessant interference on the periphery of her mind had faded. Slowly, she reached out towards him - her dark thoughts licking out, searching for her prey. She felt his hesitation as they connected - deep, angry red melding together with soft, healing green. Rey felt a tense sensation and realized that Ben was grasping onto the armrests of the gunner’s chair where he was still tied up.

Rey marveled at the sensation as she tested out this newly-formed connection. She could feel everything. It was as if the two of them had become one. She felt the cool breeze rushing through the trees around her and sending leaves scattering about her feet, but she also felt the stiffness of the TIE fighter’s gunner chair and how Ben’s muscles cramped from being strapped in one place for too long. She felt a steady, meditative heartbeat pulse through her chest while at the same time Ben’s hesitation gnawed at her thoughts as he allowed her to infiltrate his mind.

How the hell did this happen? Rey had meant the thought to be only for herself, but Ben heard her as clearly as if she had spoken aloud right next to him.

Ben reached out through their connection, joining Rey as she tested the limits of this strange new power. She could feel his fear as he felt the cool touch of the Darkness that Rey had cloaked herself in, but he also marveled at her ability to control it. Rey allowed him to explore without reservation, knowing that he would find nothing but shadows in her now-empty head. However, Rey sensed then that Ben was searching for something inside of her and a flash of anger triggered her to begin pushing the bond further.

Without opening her eyes or breaking out of her meditative pose, Rey sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and bit down as hard as she could. Blood gushed between her teeth and stained her mouth with a bitter iron taste. She couldn’t suppress a smile as she felt Ben gasp in pain.

Did you feel that? she asked, already knowing the answer.

This is going to be more difficult than I thought, Ben mused quietly, licking at his own sore lip and tasting the blood that filled Rey’s mouth.

Slowly, Rey opened her eyes and unfurled her legs from her meditative stance. Taking her black leather gloves between her teeth, she freed her hands and slowly smoothed them over her leather belt. She concentrated on the cool, natural feel of the material and smiled as she felt her sensations echo through Ben’s mind. He could feel everything that she felt. He could see everything that she could see.

Rey’s grin widened and she wondered if Ben could sense her barely contained excitement. Perhaps she really could use these powers to her advantage. As long as she could keep the focus on Ben and away from her own secret thoughts, she could play him like a puppet, manipulating him to her will as she pleased. A soft sigh rattled through Rey’s chest as she raised her hands up over her flat stomach and allowed them to roam about her body over her clothes. Her hands cupped her own breasts teasingly and Rey could feel Ben’s own hands tighten further around the metal armrests of the gunner’s chair.

What’s the matter, Benny? Rey asked. I’m just testing the boundaries of this new connection you’ve made between us.

Ben took a moment to reply and Rey was satisfied to note that his mouth had gone rather dry. I didn’t make this, he finally replied, his thoughts careful and deliberate. You know as well as I do that it takes two people to form a Force Bond.

Rey scowled at that, lowering her hands from her chest and pushing herself up off of the forest floor. She closed her eyes once more, focusing very deliberately on Ben’s mind. She could see the cockpit where he was still trapped, sunlight streaming through the hatch that Rey had left open in her hurry to get away from him. She could feel the rise and fall of the breath in his lungs. She felt his heartbeat pulsing through the Force Bond between them.

Rey focused all of her energy on Ben’s right hand. She imagined herself as Ben, sitting there in the gunner’s seat. She imagined herself being him. And then she imagined loosening his grip on the armrest.

What are you doing? Ben asked as he stared down at his right hand.

Rey didn’t respond - she simply focused on trying to move his hand. She felt the muscles in Ben’s arm twitch but no matter what she did, she couldn’t bend his hand to move the way that she wanted it to.

That’s not how a Force Bond works, Ben reminded her. There was a strange hitch in his voice. Was it fear?

Rey sighed and shrugged her shoulders as she opened her eyes and returned to her own mind. It was worth a shot, she muttered.

Rey. Ben’s voice in her mind seemed to waver slightly - as if he was unsure of how to say this to her, despite the newly discovered communication channels that had just been opened up for him. Do you remember when Master Luke taught us about Force Bonds?

Rey clenched her teeth together, refusing to let memories of that stupid Academy to resurface in her mind. I remember enough, she replied tersely.

It’s just … Force Bonds are meant to be formed between a Master and an Apprentice, he reminded her, his voice heavy with the implication of that statement.

Rey’s mind instantly flared red with anger. She wanted to tell him that that was ridiculous. The two of them were enemies - loyal to opposing sides and ideologies. Rationally there should be no way that this Force Bond could even be real. Perhaps they were simply both mistaken. Maybe this was something else entirely.

Rey also immediately understood that Ben’s implication had been that he was the Master and she his Apprentice. The very thought made her want to laugh. Or maybe punch him in the face.

Rey was careful to keep these thoughts to herself, instead sending a sensation of dark amusement through the connection. Are you finally considering coming to the Dark side? she teased. Rey tried to keep her tone light-hearted, but she knew that Ben could sense the underlying venom in her thoughts. Sorry to break it to you, Ben, but I would never take you on as an Apprentice. You’re far too … gullible.

Rey drew her bottom lip back into her mouth, sucking more blood out of her fresh wound and reveling in the sharp sting that she felt there. She sensed Ben wincing and then a flare of anger - for once, not her own - swelled through their connection. Ben was frustrated that Rey had refused to take his meaning to heart and that she had turned the conversation around on him, but he said nothing.

Rey giggled aloud despite herself, the strange sound of her own amusement ringing through the trees around her. She began her walk back to the TIE fighter, using the Force to guide her more than her own memory, considering she had gotten herself quite lost in her mad dash to escape Ben Solo. As she walked she could feel the connection between them weakening as Ben attempted to shut her out. Rey followed suit, interested in seeing just how the two of them could contain this power. With both of them shuttering their minds from one another, the bond was almost entirely imperceptible. She could no longer feel Ben’s emotions or see his surroundings, and she felt her grip on the Darkness slacken as she returned to the safety of her own mind.

Ben’s Force signature had dimmed to a mere glimmer on the edge of her vision as she broke through the trees and into the clearing where her TIE fighter was waiting expectantly. She didn’t realize that something was wrong until her black boots touched the solid surface of the ship’s landing ramp.

Rey’s breath caught in her throat as she felt a strange disturbance in the Force. Her black boots slammed against the metal of the landing ramp like loud gunshots as she immediately bounded up into the ship’s small cockpit. Her eyes took a moment to adjust to the darkness inside, but even before she could properly see the outline of the gunner’s seat she knew that he was no longer there.

She took a step forward, trying to get a better look at the frayed wires that still hung about the chair’s metal armrests. Just then, a shadow twitched on the edge of Rey’s vision and she kicked out with her left foot, stopping Ben’s surprise attack just in time. His left hand grasped her foot, holding her in place, and his right hand reached forward, straining for his lightsaber hilt that still hung from Rey’s belt.

Rey used the Force to knock him backwards a few steps, releasing her foot in the process. “How …?” she muttered, struggling to find coherent words in the haze of her confusion and anger.

Ben pulled a small knife from his own belt. “I’m not as useless as you think, you know.”

Rey lunged at him, her right fist aimed directly at his long face. He caught her fist just as he had caught her foot and deflected her easily. She was surprised when he tossed the knife - his only defensive weapon - to the side and instead struck out with his own fist, aiming just under her ribcage. Rey swung around to avoid him, her body propelling her right leg out and up, striking at him. He deflected her with his right arm, wincing as the power of her kick shot through his shoulder.

The cramped cockpit wasn’t exactly a suitable arena for hand-to-hand combat, and Ben especially struggled in the small space. Rey, on the other hand, was like a whirlwind, limbs flying in every direction she could throw them in order to land a punch. Ben fought her off as best he could, but she still managed to catch him in the jaw, splitting his lip and sending his head spinning. Ben stumbled back a few steps and in that small space of time he managed to reach out his right hand, throwing as much Force as he could against Rey. She flew backwards, the small of her back slamming into the TIE fighter’s control panel.

She let out a cry of pain and anger, but before she could regain herself Ben was directly in front of her, forcing her back against the controls and leaving her no room to escape. His large hands circled around her wrists and pinned them to the ship’s dashboard. His body was practically flush with hers and Rey felt their connection spark like fireworks behind her eyes.

She growled up at him, fighting against his hold on her. Her physical strength was no match for his own, and her grasp on the Force was not stable enough to force his fingers away from her skin. “Get off!” Rey screeched, her voice echoing in the small space and making her ears ring. Once again her vision was tinted red and she could feel her anger and power growing with each thudding beat of her heart.

“Rey, stop it!” he commanded, his voice strained. He used the significant weight of his body to still her thrashing movements. There was a lever digging into the skin on Rey’s back and as she looked up she could see Ben wincing as he felt her pain. The left side of her face was throbbing from the punch she had delivered a few seconds earlier.

Rey finally stopped struggling, staring up at Ben through a mask of blind rage as her breath heaved in and out of her chest. The anger and pain were only fueling her connection with the Dark side, but its power was still somehow eluding her. As their eyes connected, Rey felt a strange wave of emotion rush through their connection, but her own anger blinded her to whatever it could have meant.

Whatever it was, it made Ben pause, and in that moment of weakness Rey finally managed to achieve a firm hold on the power she had been searching for. With a grunt of satisfaction, Rey pushed Ben off of her with a force that surprised both of them. He flew backward and collapsed into the pilot’s chair - her chair - and his head slammed violently against the headrest. Ben hissed as his head spun again, a heavy headache already pressing in on his skull. Rey felt his pain and used it.

She leapt forward off of the dashboard, using her knees and the weight of her body to pin him to the chair. Her right hand shot to his throat, her thumb pressing with dangerous force against his trachea. She could feel his pulse thudding through her fingertips and hear it pounding in her ears as his body struggled to receive oxygen. Rey winced as she felt Ben fighting against her, desperate to release himself from her grasp. Both of his hands were around her arm but she used the Force to keep him from pushing her away.

Rey could feel herself suffocating as she slowly choked Ben. Her brain throbbed and her lungs ached within her chest. Ben’s dark eyes were bloodshot as he looked up at her, pleading. Rey, don’t, he begged desperately.

Finally, she had to release him. She choked despite herself, her hand grasping at her own throat as Ben gasped and heaved breath back through his body. Every part of Rey’s body hurt, but she wasn’t sure if it was her own pain or Ben’s that she was feeling. Perhaps it was both. As her thoughts began to clear and her vision began to lose its red tint, Rey finally managed to get a hold of her bearings.

It was then that she realized that she was pretty much sitting on Ben’s lap, the two of them leaning against each other as they each caught their breath. Rey felt Ben’s shallow pants blowing humid air across the sheen of sweat on her forehead as she leaned her hands against his broad chest.

There was another spark of something through the Force Bond and this time Rey was able to pick up on what it was. She raised her gaze to meet Ben’s in stunned surprise. She couldn’t really name the feeling - it wasn’t quite lust - but whatever it was, it certainly had no place in the mind of a fully trained Jedi Knight. Rey recoiled on instinct, shying away from the inviting sensation.

Ben’s dark eyes seemed more bottomless than ever as he hesitantly met her gaze. He shifted uncomfortably underneath her weight, adjusting her limbs so that her knees rested along his thighs instead of digging into them. He said nothing, but she could feel him in her mind, searching her thoughts. Was he … concerned about her?

Rey scowled at him, furious at the protective feelings that washed through her mind. When would Ben ever learn to see her as anything more than a helpless child who needed protection? She had been prepared to kill him only a moment ago, and yet here he was - scanning her brain to make sure that she was not injured in any way.

The anger in Rey’s chest blocked out all rational thought. The only thing that she could think about was how she would make Ben suffer for his foolish kindness. She would find his own personal weak spot and exploit it. Her stomach clenched uncomfortably as she realized just what this meant, but she had already made up her mind.

She locked her hands around each side of Ben’s face so that he would not be able to escape, and crushed her mouth against his. The fireworks behind her eyes exploded into blinding strobes of light as their connection flared white hot between them. Ben was frozen in shock, but with his own body weak and his head still fuzzy, he was unable to resist her.

Rey ran the pads of her thumbs along his jawline, feeling the scratch of his stubble against her fingertips. His mouth was surprisingly soft and she realized with a flood of humiliation that this was her first kiss. Something in Ben’s chest was doing back flips and Rey’s body mirrored his emotions sympathetically.

Rey broke the kiss with a gasp, realizing belatedly that her lungs were aching for air once more. She panted slightly, feeling the echo of her breath graze against Ben’s mouth. He was watching her with heavy, furrowed brows but Rey refused to meet his gaze. She felt him searching once more in her head, trying to figure out what the hell was going on, but she found that she had no need to push him away. Her mind was blissfully, peacefully empty. Her vision was filled with Ben’s inviting mouth and her only thought was that she liked how she felt in this moment. She felt in control - more so than she ever had in her life.

Rey felt her cheeks flush pink as she wondered what exactly would come next. She wasn’t exactly experienced in these sorts of things. Both of their hearts were pounding and the flood of thoughts and emotions rushing from Ben’s mind into hers was distracting to say the least.

Ben’s hands slid slowly from his sides, his large hands trembling slightly as they grazed across Rey’s thighs. Rey was still looking at Ben’s mouth, watching as blood spilled from the cut she had given him. Something inside of Ben was dragging her closer, like a magnet. Without thinking she pulled his face forward and sucked his bottom lip into her mouth, licking the blood away with her tongue.

Even though she was new to this, she felt a swell of pride and … something else when Ben moaned loudly against her mouth. His hands shot upwards into the small of her back, pressing her closer. Rey hissed as he pressed against the bruise that she could feel forming there, but he did not ease the pressure. Ben was kissing her in earnest now, as if he was afraid that at any moment she might disappear. Both of them were awkward and untrained in such things, but their lips melded together as if they were made for each other.

Rey felt a deep, primal feeling beginning to coil in the pit of Ben’s stomach and she was immediately snapped back to her senses. She attempted to hide her shock with an air of fake confidence as she gazed down at him. His dark eyes were hazy now, covered in a thick layer of something like lust. His lips were deep red from the assault she had placed upon them. He was breathing heavily and Rey’s confidence seemed to feel more natural as she felt her power growing.

A menacing smirk tugged at her lips as she sneered down at him. Did Luke Skywalker teach you that?

That brought Ben hurtling back into reality. He frowned deeply. “What kind of game are you playing, Rey?” he asked aloud, his voice cracking in the quiet of the cockpit. The sun had set behind the trees and the dusky light outside was not near enough to light the inside of the ship.

Rey didn’t deign to answer him. She simply raised an eyebrow, teasing him, and pushed herself out of the pilot’s chair. She stood before him, dusting herself off and refusing to meet his gaze. “Do I need to tie you up again?” she asked, glancing out at the darkness of the forest. “Or can I trust you not to try and escape tonight?”

“Where else would I go?” Ben sighed, waving his hand toward the dark, empty forest outside.

Rey narrowed her eyes as she finally met Ben’s gaze. “What is it that you want from me?” she asked, her voice low and dangerous. “Why did you call me here? You know what I want, but what is it that you want?”

Ben gave her a long, hard look and his answer echoed in her mind. You will see. In time you will see.

Rey rolled her eyes, frustrated by his very Jedi-like answer. She decided that she was too tired to formulate a sarcastic response to this, so instead she moved to the ship’s storage cabinet, pulling out two ready-to-eat meals and water canteens, throwing one of each into Ben’s lap. “Eat,” she commanded simply. “And get out of my chair.”

Chapter Text

The rest of the evening passed in tense silence as the two did everything that they could to remain distant from one another in the cramped living conditions aboard Rey’s TIE fighter. It wasn’t exactly a ship that was built for long trips and habitable sleeping conditions, but it was all that they had. Rey wasn’t about to ask Ben how he had gotten to Takodana or where the nearest town was where they could rent a couple of rooms to sleep in. Until she got what she wanted out of him, she figured that it was best to keep Ben as close as possible - no matter how uncomfortable it made them.

The only time that Rey allowed Ben to leave her sight for more than a couple of seconds was when he made it quite clear that the two of them would each need time to relieve themselves in the privacy of the woods. Rey had reluctantly agreed, making sure to keep a tight yet passive hold on her connection with him the entire time to make sure that he didn’t contemplate escape.

The pilot and gunner seats in the cockpit weren’t exactly built for sleeping in, but Rey was so exhausted from the day that she didn’t care. Ben, however, favored stretching out on the hard floor, his long legs reaching under the console and his head resting near the cockpit hatch, which Rey had opted to leave open for the night. There was a fair breeze blowing outside and she favored the smell of the trees over the stale scent of the First Order ship.

Despite her exhaustion, it took Rey a long time to fall asleep. Every time her eyes drooped closed she could feel the connection between her and Ben solidifying, and Rey feared the images that Ben Solo might call up within her next. She had no wish to return to the Jedi Academy from so long ago. She didn’t want to bare her raw pain again and give him a chance to attack her weakness.

She glanced over her shoulder as she shifted restlessly in the pilot’s seat. She could just see Ben’s profile on the floor, the left side of his face lit slightly by the pale glow of Takodana’s moon. His long nose stretched out above his face, hovering over full lips that were relaxed in sleep.

Rey adjusted her black hood around her head, pulling the edges of her cape further up around her shoulders. I will not let him beat me, she thought to herself, creating a mantra within her mind as she felt the soft fingers of unconsciousness folding in around her. He will not get the best of me. Not this time.

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Ben was waiting for her.

Rey found herself in something resembling a dream, but it was unlike the dream that Ben had shared with her just a few hours ago. This felt somehow even more real. He sat before her as he would in real life, waiting patiently for her. The only thing that marked this clearly as a dream was the strange, shifting energy that surrounded them. There was no real background or scenery, but rather an ever-changing backdrop of places, people, and emotions generated by the two of them.

Ben’s somber expression looked almost sad as he sat there regarding her, but he kept his thoughts to himself for a moment.

Is this how it’s going to be from now on? Rey asked, taking in the strange space that she found herself in. Am I never going to get another peaceful night’s sleep?

Without responding, Ben’s eyes slowly closed and Rey felt his breathing become deeper as he concentrated on closing off the connection. Rey watched as he began to fade from her view and her mind. The images around her shifted into more solid shapes and suddenly Rey was in a dream of her own - thankfully and blissfully alone, for her subconscious had taken her back to the very place that she did not wish to go.

She was that scared, little girl again. Screaming up at the indifferent sky, knowing that no one would hear her desperate pleas. No! Come back! Hot, angry tears rolled down her cheeks as she felt the cold sensation of abandonment circling around her, freezing her down to the bone.

She had been strong in the Force since before she could even remember. She knew that she had a lot to learn, but she was still nothing more than a child. When she got upset, she didn’t know how to control her temper and stop herself from flinging her mother across the room like a rag doll. When she was sad, she didn’t know that reaching into the Force would make her family’s house droid explode in a shower of sparks. She could still see the naked fear in her parents’ eyes as they spoke with each other in low tones, thinking that she was asleep.

I can’t handle this anymore, her mother had said, her voice tight and frantic. There’s no way that we can control her. How could this have happened?

She just needs to learn how to control her powers, her father had sighed. Luke Skywalker is the only one who can save her now.

Just … get her out of here. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I don’t want to be afraid of my own daughter. I’m tired of this. Just take her, please …

Those were the last words that Rey had ever heard from her mother. She had refused to come with Rey when her father flew her to Luke Skywalker’s Jedi Academy. She even refused to say goodbye. Rey’s father assured her that they would meet again someday, once her training was done, but he had always been a terrible liar.

She had clung to her father’s arm, reaching out to the Force and trying to use its strength to make him stay. Don’t leave me!

Rey, don’t!

Then Luke was there, ushering her away, and she could do nothing but scream and rage as the last of her family disappeared over the horizon. Gone forever.

You’ll be with them again someday, Luke promised.

He was a liar, too.

Rey forced herself out of the dream, reaching into the Dark side of the Force and drowning herself in the shadows that she found there. Here no one could see her weakness - not even herself. Here the deep void echoed the hollow feeling in her chest, making her feel somehow complete in her brokenness.

Don’t leave. Come back.

The pitiful cries still echoed around the emptiness in her head. She reached out in the darkness, unsure of what she was searching for until she found it. A strong, warm hand grasped at hers and a tiny light flickered before her eyes.

Don’t worry. I won’t leave you. The voice was deep and calming, but growing with intensity as the light around her began to fight back the shadows. You don’t need to be afraid anymore. I promise I won’t leave you. Rey …

The light that surrounded her felt somehow familiar. She clung desperately to his hand, but squeezed her eyes shut against the light. It was too bright to her - it stunned her senses, which were so used to the darkness of the shadows.

Ben …

Come towards the Light, Rey.

No. She didn’t want to. It stung her eyes and burned her skin. She could feel it in her chest now, boiling her from within. Make it go away, Ben. Make it stop. It hurts …

Suddenly the darkness began to shift against the light, the two of them melding together to create a gray haze around her. She still held his hand between the two of her hers, and now she could see him clearly before her through the dim haze. A now-familiar sense of humiliation flooded through her as she realized how desperate and weak she appeared, even after she had sworn that she would not allow such a thing to happen again.

Don’t. Ben’s voice was as solid as if he had spoken aloud. You don’t have to be afraid, Rey. You’re not weak for accepting the Light.

Stop look down on me as if I’m hiding in the shadows! Rey retorted, her voice suddenly filled with iron. I don’t use the Darkness of the Force as a crutch. It is all that I am. It’s power flows through me and I use it to my advantage. It is the Light that dazzles and confuses. The Darkness holds only truth.

Rey released Ben’s hand and backed away from him, even as he reached for her again. He was desperate to make her see his way of thinking. She didn’t need to read his thoughts and emotions to know that he was fighting to make her yield. He wanted to help her. He wanted to prove her wrong. He wanted to fix her. The broken pieces of Rey that remained railed against this thought.

Do you really believe yourself so immune to the Dark? Rey snapped angrily, moving closer like a hunter leaning in for the kill. They were toe-to-toe in their minds now as they faced off against one another. I know that it lies within you, buried just beneath the surface. You feel it when you think about your parents abandoning you. You feel it whenever Luke looks down on you and diminishes your powers. You felt it earlier today, when you kissed me. You are filled with Darkness, Ben Solo. You can’t hide that from me.

Her small, nimble hands were grasping at the collar of his Jedi robes, pulling him closer to her. There was fear in Ben’s dark eyes and that merely fueled Rey’s conviction. She wondered if he feared her or himself more in this moment. Rey hovered her mouth over his and she felt him bending down towards her, easily giving in to her will. He really was just like her puppet, and in this moment she knew that she could do whatever she wished with him.

But she didn’t want to give him what she knew he wanted. Instead, she simply watched as his lips parted, begging for contact. Her own mouth was open, breathing him in, as she felt his long nose brush against her cheek. The need within him sent a strange feeling shooting straight through her body and down to her groin. His large hands were on her hips, begging for the kiss that she would not give him.

See how easily you can be swayed by the Darkness? Rey whispered against his mouth. Ben’s eyes snapped open and she stared straight into them, completely unwavering. What would Master Luke have to say about his precious Apprentice now?

Stop! Ben cried out. A burst of white light flashed in the gray haze, momentarily blinding Rey. She stepped back from him and by the time she regained her senses Ben was back to his calm, collected Jedi pose. I don’t like this game that you’re playing with me. Are these the kinds of lessons that Snoke has been teaching you?

Rey snorted and rolled her eyes. She pictured Snoke’s stony, no-nonsense appearance. She didn’t know anything about his past, but she doubted that he had ever seduced someone with anything other than the power of the Dark side. Rey cocked her eyebrow in Ben’s direction, knowing that he was seeing her thoughts as clearly as if she had spoken them aloud. Whatever this new weapon was that she was using against Ben, it certainly hadn’t come from Snoke.

Do you play with all men in this way? he asked.

Only the weak ones. Rey gave him a malicious grin to hide her own lie. Because, of course, the truth was that she had never done anything like this before. She had never thought herself even capable of controlling a man’s emotions in the way that she so easily controlled Ben’s. She wondered if this was a testament to her strength, or his weakness.

Ben turned away from her in a huff of frustration and the connection between them immediately snapped shut behind him. Rey couldn’t help but smile at her own victory - she had been beginning to wonder if she would ever win one. She was left to her own dreams again, and this time she was not catapulted back into dark shadows or memories that she did not wish to repeat. Instead, the rest of her night was filled with images of Ben - adult Ben doing adult things to her - and Rey could feel a gnawing fear growing in the pit of her stomach as she contemplated which was worse: memories of her dark childhood or daydreams about Ben Solo.

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Rey awoke bathed in Takodana’s morning sunlight, which burst through the cockpit’s hatch and gleamed against her ship’s machinery. Somehow she felt more at peace than she had in a very long time. She slowly stretched out her arms and legs, reveling in the tightness she felt as her muscles protested. Her body was still sore from her fight with Ben and the cramped pilot’s chair had not helped to relax her tired muscles. But it was a good ache - an ache that reminded Rey that she was still alive.

The floor of the cockpit was empty and as Rey pushed back the hood of her cape, she saw the silhouette of Ben sitting in a lotus position at the base of the landing ramp. His back was to her and his spine was rigid as he meditated. He was still barefoot from the day before - his boots still stashed underneath the control panel of the TIE fighter - and his soles were stained green from the grass that covered the forest floor. She felt him in her mind as she reached out to him - soft and green and safe. He acknowledged her presence but kept a careful guard around his meditative thoughts. Somehow Ben seemed much less rested than Rey felt.

The steady breaths inflating his chest made her own breath feel somehow lighter, and she took a moment to enjoy the second-hand effects of the Jedi’s calm meditation. However, she didn’t let Ben rest for long before she began skimming around the edges of his mind, looking for a weak spot in his armor that she could slip through. He felt her needling interference and a flare of annoyance tightened the connection between them.

Can’t you see that I’m meditating? he asked, his tone carefully neutral. He was trying very hard to keep his calm Jedi appearance, despite the fact that Rey knew he was hiding his real emotions behind his mental barrier.

Let me join you. Rey padded down the landing ramp of the ship, her thick black boots surprisingly quiet as she edged toward him. What is Ben Solo meditating over today?

The voice in Rey’s mind sighed with resignation, but there was a flare of something else in his emotions that she couldn’t name as Ben opened his mind to her. She saw an image of herself from last night, though she couldn’t tell if it had been from the confrontation in the cockpit or the confrontation in her mind. The Rey in Ben’s mind was glaring up at him defiantly and in her bright hazel eyes there was a spark. At first Rey thought that it was just her anger manifesting in a physical form outside of her body, but then she realized what Ben was showing her. What he thought he had seen. A glimmer of light, of something like hope.

You see? he prodded, his tone almost prideful. There is still Light inside of you.

Rey marveled at Ben’s conviction. The moment had been brief - just a glint of something in the heat of an argument. How had he caught onto it? Why had he caught on to it? And why did he think that this was proof of something that was so ridiculous that Rey couldn’t even fathom the fact that it might exist? The Light he had shown her in her dreams last night had been blinding, like a dying sun. The flash he had seen in her eyes had been nothing in comparison - not even a weak facsimile. It was her anger, nothing more.

Rey opened her mouth to voice her protestations but the image before her disappeared, replaced by a young girl with three buns and freckles. The permanent scowl that darkened the girl’s face suddenly melted away and she smiled, the Light within her glowing like a beacon. It reached out from her, begging to be answered by the bright hot Light of the Force that Ben had shown her.

Rey hadn’t realized until that moment that she had shut her eyes in an attempt to invade Ben’s mind, but as wordless anger consumed her once more, they immediately snapped back open. She glared down at the Jedi Knight at her feet, pondering once again the pros and cons of killing him and ending this ridiculous torment that she was putting herself through.

Finally Rey decided that if he was going to exploit her weakness, she might as well remind him of his own. She knelt behind him, getting as close as she could without touching him. He felt her warmth against his spine and he tried and failed to suppress the shiver that rocked his shoulders. She put her mouth against his large ear, her lips just grazing against his skin as she whispered, “When are you going to stop thinking of me as a helpless little child? Don’t you know that I’m a big girl now?” She made her voice as tantalizing as she could, doing her best to mimic the confident, dulcet tones that she had heard in the back of dark, seedy bars throughout the galaxy. Those women knew how to sway men. It seemed that Rey had picked up the trick somewhere along the way.

Ben actually flinched away from her, his meditative state snapping like a rubber band stretched beyond its limit. “Believe me,” he grumbled, rising to his feet and avoiding her gaze, “you don’t need to remind me.”

Rey wasn’t quite sure what he meant by that, but she felt herself fill with a sense of accomplishment as she realized that she had turned the situation yet again, parrying Ben’s mental attacks with her own. She had found his weakness now, and she couldn’t help but feel a sick sense of pleasure every time that she was able to sue it to pick at his wounds.

“I have something I want to show you,” he said suddenly, his gaze finally meeting hers as he attempted to take back control of the conversation. “But it’s far from here. We’ll have to fly to get there.”

“What is it?” Rey asked hesitantly, raising her eyebrows at him as she rose from her kneeling position.

“You’ll see.” Ben’s gaze was strangely soft, but his voice was exasperated, as if he was dealing with an unruly child. “Trust me.”

Rey smiled as he passed her and trudged back up the landing ramp and into her ship’s cockpit. “Never,” she said.

Chapter Text

Rey didn’t know why she kept her mind open to Ben as the two of them powered up the TIE fighter and began their slow ascent into the skies of Takodana. He was watching her through her own eyes as she efficiently maneuvered the ship out of the forest - a feat that required great effort considering the thickly wooded area that Ben had chosen for them to meet. She could feel his quiet awe as he watched her work but she ignored him. She didn’t need his approval to feel proud of her skills as a pilot.

Ben guided her across Takodana by pushing images from his mind into hers. “Spend much time here, do you?” Rey asked as she felt Ben’s growing sense of anticipation as they neared wherever this secret destination was.

“Its a frequent stopping point for Han Solo,” Ben admitted, his voice sounding strangely empty as he spoke of his father.

Rey wasn’t sure how to respond to that, and she shifted uncomfortably in the pilot’s chair as she urged the ship on. She didn’t really know much about Ben’s family. Rey and Ben had bonded as children at Luke’s Jedi Academy because of their shared disappointment in their parents, but other than that she didn’t really know specifics other than that his father was named Han and his mother was a powerful Resistance general and twin sister to Luke Skywalker. Ben was strapped into the gunner’s chair directly behind her so they could not see one another, but the bond between them was as strong as ever, making it easy for Rey to sense the tightness in his chest as he spoke of Han Solo.

You can land the ship in any one of these clearings up ahead, Ben instructed as he watched the ship’s progress through Rey’s eyes. Rey furrowed her brows as she surveyed the land below. There was a large blue lake stretching out across Takodana’s surface with many open spaces cut through the trees where ships of all sizes could land. In the center of it all stood a tall, stone structure covered in multi-hued fabrics.

What the hell is this place? she asked suspiciously as she eyed an empty space next to an already-parked freighter. She eased the TIE fighter down next to the larger ship, noting that there didn’t seem to be any life forms nearby. Rey considered if perhaps it had been a mistake to come here. For all she knew, Ben was leading her straight into a trap. He could be leading her to a secret ambush, where Resistance fighters would be waiting to take her prisoner and try to use her as a way to cripple the First Order.

Ben sensed her anxiety and sent a wave of healing green energy through their bond. Rey’s nose curled up in disdain, resenting his attempt to make her feel better. You don’t need to worry, he assured her. Search my mind. There are no secret motives here. Besides, if there were danger you would be able to sense it. Use the Force if you don’t believe me.

The ship was safely upon the ground now and Rey let the engines idle as she closed her eyes and reached out to the shadows of the Force, drawing in its energy and using it to inspect the things around her that she could not see with her own eyes. There were dozens of sentient life forms all crammed into the stone structure that she had seen on her descent, all of them of various races and varying levels of intoxication. Other than that, there was no sign of life for miles.

Are you taking me to a bar, Ben Solo? Rey taunted, still doubting his intentions. What was it that he wanted to show her? She took a deep breath in, feeling the Dark side of the Force fill her lungs and breathe strength into her small body. There was something else in the strange stone structure. Something that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. A weak, blue light - blinking in and out of view and making it impossible for Rey to get a solid grasp on it. Her brows furrowed as a strange sensation scratched at the back of her mind, but she was torn away from the strange blue light when Ben’s voice rang out through the cockpit.

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?” Rey asked, genuinely confused as to what he was talking about.

“The Force … I’ve never experienced it like that,” Ben muttered.

Rey turned her head slightly, wishing that she could see his expression. She searched his mind, trying to see what his intentions were, but he held only genuine curiosity and awe as he examined the shadows that Rey had drawn in around her. Gently, Rey reached out towards his mind, allowing the cool Dark of the Force to brush against his thoughts.

Rey heard Ben take in a sharp breath but he did not try to push her away. In her mind Rey saw his light glowing green and pure and she felt a strange sense of wrongness as she allowed her own deep, dark red to tint the edges and swallow up his light. Is this what the Dark side of the Force feels like? Ben asked.

You ask as if you don’t already know the answer, Rey grumbled, retreating away from his thoughts and building a barrier up around the darkness within her so that it could not escape from her mind into his. She didn’t know why, but she felt as if she had to keep this darkness away from Ben.

He inspected her with quiet curiosity as the light in his Force signature slowly returned, the glow around its edges brightening once more and filling the empty space that Rey had left behind. The light licked at the edges of the barrier she had created and Rey felt a sinking feeling in her stomach that she realized too late was a growing sense of fear.

“Are you going to show me what we flew all the way here for?” Rey asked, her voice harsh and clipped in the silence that had fallen inside the cockpit.

Ben stood from the gunner’s chair and opened the cockpit’s hatch without responding. Rey killed the ship’s engines and hit the button on the control panel to lower the landing ramp and the two of them descended from the TIE fighter in tense silence.

“This way,” Ben called over his shoulder, gesturing mildly towards the stone structure ahead of them.

Rey moved to follow him but she found herself frozen in place as she glanced at the freighter that she had parked next to. There on the hull, small enough that it wouldn’t be noticed by anyone unless they were looking, was a small red seal. The circular symbol of the Resistance. Rey scowled at the symbol that identified the freighter and it’s inhabitants as her enemy. Her hands moved to hover over the hilt of her lightsaber as she forced her eyes away from the freighter and jogged to catch up with Ben’s long-legged strides. If Ben sensed her unease he ignored it for once and Rey was grateful.

If Rey hadn’t already examined the life forms within the stone structure and recognized the hazy sensation that hung over the place, she never would have guessed that this small, remote castle was a bar. Ben led her straight up the front steps, under an awning of hanging banners hailing from places all across the galaxy. In the center of it all stood a statue of some kind of alien, looming over them with its arms reaching up towards the skies of Takodana as if to welcome the entire galaxy to this small area of peace.

Loud music rushed to greet them as Ben opened the heavy double doors and ushered Rey into the darkness inside. It was just like all of the other shady bars that she had visited in her time traveling across the far Western Reaches and the Outer Rim. The small area was packed with sentient life forms of all shapes, sizes, and races. A few turned to look at them as they entered, but most were too caught up in their own conversations and drinks to take much notice of them.

Rey raised her eyebrows at Ben as she stepped hesitantly into the darkened space. So much for a surprise ambush. What the hell could be here that was so important that Ben had to show her? She watched him as he moved down the steps, his dark eyes scanning the faces around him as if he was looking for something - or someone. He towered over almost all of the other patrons in the bar, making it easy for him to survey the area.

Ben and Rey were both surprised when there was a sharp cry from across the room and all of a sudden a small, orange alien was barreling through the crowd towards them. Rey recognized her as the likeness of the statue that she had seen out in the front courtyard, but she was surprised to find that she was no more than three feet tall. Large, round glasses circled her small eyes and amplified her furrowed brow as she stalked towards them.

“Ben Solo!” she cried when she finally reached them. “What the hell are you doing in my bar?”

“Hi, Maz,” Ben replied as he looked down at her. Rey had to suppress a laugh as she realized that his tense tone was that of a chastised young boy being forced to communicate with an aunt that he didn’t particularly care for.

The alien - Maz - sent out a bellowing laugh that Rey would not have guessed that her small body could have produced. “My, how you’ve grown!” she crowed.

“Yes, it’s been a long time.”

“How’s my boyfriend?”

“Chewbacca asks about you all the time.” Ben actually smiled and Rey realized with a start that she hadn’t seen him smile since he was a young boy.

Rey was watching this strange interaction with interest when suddenly Maz was at Rey’s feet, gazing up at her with small, narrowed eyes through large, glass goggles. Rey actually took a step back in alarm as Maz peered up at her, startled her out of her comfort zone. “And who is the girl?” Rey wasn’t sure if Maz was asking her or Ben, so no one replied.

“We’re just passing through,” Ben offered instead. “Thought we’d stop in and say hello.”

Now Maz was narrowing her gaze on Ben again. “No need to lie, Ben Solo,” she muttered. Her voice was low, but she followed it with a heart-felt laugh. “I know what it is you seek. And you know where it is.”

Ben’s mouth thinned into a line and he nodded at her.

“Don’t take too long,” Maz told him. “Drinks are on the house, if you’d like to stay for a while.”

Ben nodded once more in thanks and the small orange woman turned away, heading back to the bar. Rey watched her leave with barely contained surprise. She wasn’t exactly sure what the make of Maz, or this entire situation.

“What was that all about?” she asked, whirling back around to face Ben. He wasn’t looking at her. His dark gaze was trained directly ahead, as if he saw nothing of the bustling bar around him. Rey followed his look and found a small outcropping in the wall opposite them. There were stairs there, descending down into darkness. She looked back at Ben with raised eyebrows. Well? she asked.

Ben moved forward without responding and Rey followed. The entire atmosphere changed as the two of them crossed into the dark chamber and began to walk down into the shadows. The Force here was like nothing that Rey had ever experienced before, and she wasn’t entirely sure if she liked it. It was neutral Force, filled with whispers and secrets just out of her reach. The space was thick with memories that were centuries old, and the shadows seemed to call out to Rey, leading her further into their depths.

Ben paused when they reached the bottom of the stairs. Sunlight filtered through a small window above their heads and illuminated his profile in a startling contrast of light and dark. He looked down at her expectantly and Rey knew without words that he wanted her to do. Whatever it was that was hidden down here, whatever it was that he had wanted to show her - he wanted her to find it.

Rey turned down the hallway, her instincts leading her movements now. Tentatively she reached out to this strange neutral Force, unsure of how to handle it. It swirled around her and then suddenly a flash of pale blue light sparked at the end of the hall. Rey’s gaze snapped towards it and the flash transformed into a soft, pulsing light that began to call to her, urging her towards a doorway that stood in the wall on her left.

Rey’s breath hitched in her throat and she instinctively reached back with her mind. Ben’s shining green presence was there, already reaching out to her, and Rey could feel her breathing slow as the two connected. The whispers in Rey’s mind were growing in intensity as she paused in the doorway, taking in the small chamber before her. It was nothing more than a broom closet, stuffed with junk that had accumulated there over the ages. But that pulsing blue orb glowed insistently from a small wooden box, marking it as significant amongst the rest of the garbage.

Rey didn’t hesitate as her body moved forward of its own accord. She knelt before the box, pulling open the heavy lid and peering inside.

It was a lightsaber.

And Rey knew before she even touched it whose it was. Her mind was reeling with questions. Why had Ben brought her here? Why was this what he wanted to show her? How the hell did this even get here? And why was Luke Skywalker’s old lightsaber calling out to her like an old friend waiting to be reunited with her? But her mind and her body were completely disconnected in this strange, secret place and she could only watch helplessly as her hand reached forward and grasped the cool metal hilt of the lightsaber.

The blue light flashed, filling up the room and momentarily blinding her. Then it was dark, and Rey knew that the visions she was seeing were not her own. She was in a long,d ark hallway and she began to run, her legs propelling her forward as the vision around her cracked and collapsed. She fell to her hands and knees and suddenly there was a cool sheet of rain running over her, drenching her to the bone. Thunder cracked somewhere close by, making her ears ring.

She rose to her feet and suddenly she was surrounded by six dark figures. Her Knights were brandishing their blood weapons, slick from battle, and Rey’s saberstaff glowed red in the darkness at her side. Bodies lay strewn around her and she could still hear their dying screams ringing in her ears. Darkness pulsed around her like a panting beast and her heart was pounding against her chest as power coursed through her veins. Kill them, Snoke’s voice echoed in her head, whispering to the shadows of her mind. Kill them all.

Rey’s saberstaff twirled in her hands as she lunged forward, her blade slicing easily through the back of one of Luke’s last remaining Padawans. It was as the young man’s body crumpled to the ground before her that she finally saw him. Ben Solo. He was sitting there, blood and rain pooling around him, the lifeless corpse of some Youngling in his arms. He said nothing, but his eyes pleaded with her. Please. Don’t do this. You don’t have to do this. This isn’t who you are. Rey …

The Knights of Ren were regrouping a little ways away from her. They were satisfied with the destruction that they had wrought and were ready to return to Supreme Leader Snoke to inform him of the success of their mission. Rey’s attention snapped back to Ben as she leveled the red blade of her lightsaber against his neck. He fell to the ground, scrambling to get away from her. “Don’t move,” she commanded. She liked the way that the power in her voice immediately froze him in place. Ben sat there, fear making his heart pound out of control as he lay in a puddle of blood left behind by his dead friends.

Rey turned over her shoulder and addressed her fellow Knights. “Go on without me,” she ordered them. “I’m going to find Luke Skywalker.”

The Knights heeded her command without question, the six of them disappeared into the First Order command ship that they had used to get here, and taking off into the dark, rainy skies. Rey turned back to Ben, her eyes glittering in the darkness, and hit a switch on her lightsaber hilt, killing the sparking red energy. The blade disappeared with a hissing motion, the finality of it echoing through the empty space around them.

His dark eyes were wide and brimming with unbearable sadness as he gazed up at her. “Why …?” he panted breathlessly, still afraid for his life. “Rey …”

“Get out of here,” she told him, her voice cold enough to turn the rain around them into ice. “I never want to see you again.”

“Rey, wait!” Ben called as she turned away from him, her heavy black boots splashing through the puddles thick with the remnants of her bloodshed.

She glared at him over her shoulder as she barked, “No second chances. I will not spare your life again, Ben Solo. Leave this place and never return, if you value your life.”

Rey stormed away, her black cape swinging out behind her as the storm caught it and filled it with howling wind. She was blind to the bodies that she stepped over. She was numb to the feeling of Ben’s desperate gaze boring into her back as she left him for dead. She was deaf to the screams that still echoed in her head. The Darkness was the only thing that mattered now. Its shadows were swallowing her up and for the first time in her life, the empty gaping void within her was filled.

Rey smiled, her teeth glinting white in the darkness as a bolt of lightening lit the area around her, and then the vision was gone. She was back in that cluttered, dark room, but the floor beneath her was rocking and her vision was spinning. A voice in her head that she did not recognized called out her name and her stomach clenched uncomfortably. Rey could feel the hard slam of the stone ground as she fell backwards onto her back and she sputtered as bile rose in her throat. She rolled onto her hands and knees, dry heaving as her insides twisted violently. She felt her heartbeat pounding in her head, threatening to break through her skull. Her limbs were shaking uncontrollably as she squeezed her eyes shut, forcing the bloody images away and willing the room around her to stop spinning.

She felt Ben’s comforting presence just a moment before he was kneeling before her, his large, warm hands smoothing down her shoulders. Rey shoved him away violently, her body screaming in protest against the sudden movement. The floor swayed again and Rey stumbled back, out of his reach. “Don’t!” she sputtered, her voice choked with emotion and bile.

Ben said nothing but she could still feel his comforting presence around her, trying to calm her thoughts. You’re safe, he assured her. Tell me what you saw.

Rey glared at him, wondering if he truly hadn’t seen the vivid flashback that had just run through her head. Why had Luke’s lightsaber taken her back to that place? In the three years since she had massacred the Jedi Academy, she had never once looked back or recalled the memories from that dark night. When she thought about it, she simply remembered dark shadows and cold, piercing rain. She had never been forced to relive it like this, and for the first time Rey felt the full force of the heavy memory weighing down upon her.

She reached out to the Dark side of the Force, desperate to regain peace and composure, but here in this strange, energized place it eluded her. All she found was that neutral, gray energy that seemed to emanate from the very stones beneath her. When it folded around her, the dark memories in her head faded somewhat and the room stopped spinning, but her breath was still exploding out of her in ragged, uneven gasps.

“Why did you bring me here?” Rey screamed, her voice echoing in the small space. She refused to look at him, her eyes instead trained on the stones beneath her as she continued to get a better hold on her bearings.

“I thought you would want it,” Ben answered, his voice nothing more than a whisper. “I wanted you to see whatever it had to show you.”

Rey braced her hands against the stone floor, her head shooting up so that she could glare at him. He had nothing but concern for her written across his features and ebbing through the connection that they shared. She wanted to block him out, to shove him away again, but her body was too weak. She refused to admit it to herself, but his control seemed to be the only thing holding her together right now.

She rolled over so that she was sitting on the cold floor, facing away from him. Luke’s lightsaber gleamed at her side where she had dropped it. “Leave me,” she muttered, her voice sounding as broken as she felt. “I want to be alone right now.”

Are you sure? Ben asked hesitantly. She knew that this question came out of concern rather than fear that she might abscond with the lightsaber and escape.

She didn’t know how she found the strength, but somehow Rey managed to build up the defenses in her mind once more, effectively cutting off their connection and shutting him out of her thoughts. She heard him stand and walk down the hallway but she did not allow herself to begin breathing normally until she heard his soft footsteps ascend back up the stairs a safe distance away from her.

Suddenly Rey felt a stab of loneliness shoot through her - a sensation that she had sworn that she would never feel again. Ever since her parents had abandoned her as a child she had made a vow never to rely on anyone other than herself. She didn’t need anyone else. Loneliness was a weak and useless sensation. But as she sat there in the shadows of the small, cluttered room, the void inside of Rey ached with a painful intensity. Desperately, she reached out once more for the cool embrace of the Dark, for anything that could help fill this hole in her chest, but there were no shadows that she could use to fill herself up this time.

Rey’s eyes stung and she realized with a jolt of surprise that she was crying for the first time in over ten years.

Chapter Text

Rey stayed sulking in the shadows of the basement of Maz’s bar for a very long time. So long, in fact, that she could feel Ben tugging at the edge of her consciousness, fearing that something was wrong. No. Rey pushed him back, keeping the barrier of her mind as solid as she could make it. Not yet.

Luke’s lightsaber was resting in her lap now, the chill of its metal hilt seeping through Rey’s thick black pants and freezing the skin along her calves. Her eyes were closed and her hands hovered over the prize she had found as she meditated in silence. Laughter rang out from one of the bar’s patrons upstairs but Rey remained deep in her meditative state. She could feel Luke’s Force signature clinging around his weapon, still so strong even after all these years apart fro him. But there was something else there, too. This lightsaber was old and had been handled by many different Jedi throughout the years. Rey wondered who they might be.

Rey circled herself with as much Dark Force as she could manage in this strange, neutral place, marveling at how the lightsaber responded to her merest influence. She knew that there were more memories and visions form the past hiding somewhere within the weapon, waiting for her to find them.

Rey was startled out of her meditation by a small pressure on her shoulder. Instinctively her body snapped to its full height, the blue lightsaber igniting in her hands as she sunk into a defensive fighting position. The pale blue glow of the lightsaber lit up the shadows of the dark room, illuminating the small form of Maz standing in the doorway. The gleam of the saber glinted across the glass of her goggles but Rey thought that she sensed a moment of panic coming from the small, orange-skinned woman as Rey squared off against her.

Rey switched off the lightsaber and stashed it in her belt, alongside her own and Ben’s, but she didn’t rise from her defensive position. “What do you want?” she snapped, frustrated at being so rudely torn away from her thoughts.

“I see you’ve found it,” Maz muttered, nodding towards the lightsaber at Rey’s belt. Her tone was carefully neutral and Rey began to wonder for the first time who this woman really was, and what her intentions might be. Maz let out a small chuckle as she cocked her head at Rey’s belt. “Growing quite a collection there, aren’t you?” she asked, indicating the three lightsaber hilts.

“Who are you?” Rey demanded, desperate for answers of any kind that might shed some light on the many, many questions that she had.

“In these parts I’m known as Maz Kanata,” she replied simply. “Young Ben tells me that your name is Rey.”

Rey scowled down at her and asked, “Why is Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber buried in the basement under your bar?”

Maz gave another light-hearted chuckle at that. “How does anything get anywhere?” she responded cryptically.

Rey narrowed her eyes in frustration. “Friend of Luke’s, then?” she guessed. “That sounds like something he might say.”

“You know Luke?” Maz asked with genuine surprise in her voice. Rey was glad to see that Ben hadn’t told Maz her entire back-story.

“I’m looking for him, actually,” Rey said, wondering if the keeper of such a popular back alley bar might have heard whisperings of where Luke Skywalker might be hiding.

“You and half this galaxy,” Maz snorted, disappointing Rey with yet another carefully neutral response.

Rey sighed heavily, giving up on receiving any valuable answers from the woman. “You said something about free drinks, yeah?”

Maz’s small mouth stretched out in a wide grin as she ushered Rey out of the dark storage room. Ben was waiting for them at the top of the stairs, quiet concern radiating from his features. His eyes moved immediately to the three lightsaber hilts at her belt and a frown pulled at his features. Maz ushered both of them to two empty bar stools and Rey sat down heavily beside Ben, refusing to meet his gaze.

Maz disappeared - literally, due to her height - behind the bar and reappeared a moment later with two tall glasses, each filled with some kind of neon blue liquid. Ben sipped at his politely, but it was clear that he was restraining himself. Rey raised an eyebrow as she watched him, muttering, “Not a fan of alcohol?”

“It clouds the judgement” he said simply, giving her a small shrug.

Rey was sick to death of these silly Jedi rules that everyone around her seemed so desperate to enforce. And more than that, she was tired of everyone constantly skirting her questions and refusing to give her any meaningful answers. She decided to ignore Ben’s comment completely, instead taking a long drag out of her own drink, draining it almost halfway in one swig.

She set her drink down on the bar with a wince as the alcohol burned her throat. She relished the light, fuzzy feeling that buzzed almost instantly through her head. She had no idea what Maz had put in this drink, but she liked it. She could feel Ben’s eyes watching her but he said nothing.

Suddenly Maz was behind the bar again, standing on some kind of stool so that she was at exactly eye level with Rey. “So, what did Luke’s lightsaber show you?” she asked with curiosity. “I could feel it calling out to you from the moment you stepped in here. I could feel its power mirroring yours.”

Rey clenched her jaw as she stared into the blue depths of what remained of her drink. “It showed me a memory,” she answered truthfully. “From a long time ago.”

Maz and Ben both leaned forward, waiting for her to elaborate. Rey glanced between them from underneath her furrowed brows and then tipped the glass to her lips again, effectively downing what was left of the blue liquid. She slammed the empty drink onto the bar - perhaps more forcefully than was strictly necessary - and gave the two what she knew they were looking for. “I saw myself. Three years ago. When I attacked Luke Skywalker’s Jedi Academy and slaughtered every single one of his pupils.”

There was no emotion behind her voice, and the bold confession made both Maz and Ben flinch away from her in shock. Neither of them had expected her to be so candid, so emotionally numb from her evil deeds. Ben’s hand clenched against the countertop of the bar and he glared down at nothing in particular, leaving Maz to be the one to formulate a response. “All except one,” she reminded Rey, her soft voice carrying surprisingly well in the loud bar.

Rey’s hazel eyes snapped upward as she glared at the barkeep. She chewed at the inside of her cheek, reveling in the sharp pain and using it to abate her rising anger. Without turning to look at Ben, she grabbed his still-full glass and took another long pull from its contents. Ben didn’t stop her but he watched her with a strained expression on his long face.

“I sense the Darkness in you,” Maz Kanata continued, meeting Rey’s furious gaze with one of utter calm. “You use it to push others away. But I have lived for a very, very long time, my dear. I can see that there is Light in you still.”

Rey’s expression remained angry but her fury had lost some of its bite as she let Maz’s words sink in. Why was everyone here so interested in pointing out her weaknesses? Even when she had been just a child, no one had dared question Rey’s powers. Luke had seen the Darkness within her from the very beginning. That’s why he had always treated her so carefully, as if she were a bomb that could detonate at any moment. No one had been surprised when she had joined the First Order, and after she proved her strength when she toppled Luke’s Academy to the ground, people had finally begun to show her the fear that she felt she deserved. But ever since she had come to this useless planet, she had been surrounded by people constantly bombarding her with the Light, forcing her to bend herself to its will.

“Ben sees it, too,” Maz continued, snapping Rey out of her thoughts.

Rey’s lips rose into a sneer and her angry words flowed out of her mouth with abandon. “Don’t tell me you think of him as the perfect golden child, too. Luke already made that mistake once. From the very beginning he put Ben in charge of bringing me back to the Light and look how well that worked out! Not only am I steeped in the Dark side of the Force, but I’ve shown him the Darkness, too. And guess what? He loves it. If you’re so observant that you say you can see some kind of Light inside of me, then surely you can see the Darkness surrounding Ben. Those shadows are there because of me!”

Rey! Ben’s voice vibrated in her skull, immediately silencing her angry words.

Maz’s expression did not change. She was still observing Rey with calm contemplation. Silence slipped between the three of them, creating a tense atmosphere that Rey drowned out by finishing the rest of Ben’s drink. Her extremities were beginning to feel fuzzy now and a strange kind of weightlessness was blooming in her chest.

Finally Maz shook her head as she looked between Rey and Ben. “You really don’t see it, do you?” It was unclear what she meant, let alone who she was addressing. When she spoke again Rey realized that she meant her words to be for both of them. “You have this bond between you that allows you to see clearly into each other’s minds and still you don’t see it?”

Both of them furrowed their brows at her in surprise. “How did you …?” Ben muttered, but Maz batted his words away with a wave of her small, orange hand, her piercing gaze settling on him. “Tell me - what did you sense down in that basement?”

Ben shook his head at her in confusion. “I … felt the Force. Is that what you mean? It was very powerful down there.”

Maz raised a brow as she slid her gaze over to Rey. “And you?” she asked.

Rey nodded tersely. She had felt it, too. That strange, neutral Force that had been so think and powerful that it had been hard to breathe.

“What did it feel like to you?” Maz prompted Ben.

“It felt … calm. But powerful. Strong but reserved.”

“What was it?” Rey asked, cutting through Ben’s words. She knew that Maz was leading them to some kind of revelation, and she hoped that for once she would be granted a straight answer.

“The Jedi call it Gray Force,” she explained calmly. “Neither Light, nor Dark. Neither inherently good, nor inherently evil. The Force in its purest form.”

Ben was shaking his head slowly back and forth. “But Master Luke said that the Gray Force was a myth,” he protested.

Rey had never heard of Gray Force before, not from Luke or Snoke, but something in Maz Kanata’s voice rang with truth.

“Perhaps you should ask him about it again,” Maz replied, her help apparently pushed to its limit as she began spouting the cryptic nonsense that Rey had begun to expect from everyone here on Takodana.

Rey stood from the barstool, noticing with frustration how her feet stumbled clumsily beneath her. Perhaps downing two of those blue drinks had been a bad idea. She turned to leave, frustrated and tired beyond measure, but Ben grabbed her arm, halting her in place. “Wait,” he demanded, eyeing her leather belt meaningfully. “That belongs to Maz.”

Rey curled her nose up in defiance. “No it doesn’t!” she retorted. She couldn’t tell if she was speaking louder than normal, but her voice sounded loud in her own ears.

“Keep it,” Maz Kanata said from behind the bar. “Return it to Luke, if you can.”

Rey wrenched her arm out of Ben’s grasp and without saying a word or turning back, she stormed out of the bar and back towards where she had parked her TIE fighter. She had only gotten to the outer edge of the great stone castle when she felt her arm being pulled back again by the same large, warm hand.

“Let go!” Rey protested, using the weight of her body as she spun around to release his grip. She bit the inside of her cheek again in frustration as she almost tripped over her own two feet in the process.

“That’s your plan, isn’t it?” Ben asked. Rey tried to focus on his eyes but his face seemed strangely fuzzy before her blurred vision. “You want to use that lightsaber to find Luke, don’t you?”

“It’s none of your business,” Rey grumbled irritably.

“It’ll never work,” Ben warned her, but she wondered if he actually knew that for certain.

Rey tried to give him a derisive chuckle but she accidentally snorted instead, effectively ruining the air of indifference that she had intended. She turned back around and tried to remember where she had parked her ship. It had been off to the west, hadn’t it?

“Where do you think you’re going?” Ben asked. Rey could feel his mind through their connection, even though her own was no covered in a strange haze. He was walking carefully behind her, trying and failing to match her broken, uneven stride.

“I’m going to my ship!” she growled in response.

“Um …” Suddenly Ben was in front of her, his large body effectively halting her progress. Rey stopped, surprised to find that she was panting from the effort of simply walking in a straight line through the thick, green grass that stretched between Maz’s castle and the tree line. Okay, those drinks had definitely been a bad idea. “The ship’s that way …” Ben pointed to Rey’s right and raised his eyebrows at her.

“I know that,” she huffed, stomping off in roughly the same direction that Ben had pointed towards. She only made it a few steps before she halted suddenly, forcing Ben’s hip to collide against her backside as he tripped sideways to avoid falling on her. She bent at the waist, resting her shaking hands on her knees. “Ben,” she groaned. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“What?” There was panic in his voice as his mind raced, trying to figure out what to do in this situation. She could feel him hovering around her periphery and she reached out with her left arm, grabbing for him. She missed entirely and ended up simply waving her arm through the air. Ben helped by grabbing her hand and stepping closer to her. “Are … are you sure? What can I do to help?”

Bile rose in Rey’s throat and she shook her head quickly from side to side, fighting to control her gag reflex. Her head spun with the movement and she teetered off balance, leaning heavily against Ben.

He cursed under his breath, trying to catch her as she stumbled ungracefully into him. “Ben,” she muttered again, his name slurring in her mouth. She reached out for him with her other arm and her hand collided against his chest. Rey dug her fingers into his beige Jedi robes and rested her head against his wide chest. “Ben, take me home,” she sighed as she sank against him.

Ben made a noise but Rey couldn’t tell if it was a grunt of annoyance or a resigned sigh. She felt his strong arms circle under knees and around her shoulders and suddenly she was curled up against him as he carried her. “God, Rey …” she heard him sigh as she looped her own arms up and around his neck. Rey knew that he was feeling her drunkenness through their connection and she could feel him focusing his energy in order to keep his own sanity about him as he carried her back to the TIE fighter. “You’re going to regret this in the morning,” he warned her.

Rey made a sound somewhere between a moan and a sigh as she nuzzled up to Ben’s neck, burying her nose in his dark hair. She liked the way that his curls tickled her face and she giggled lightly against his ear.

“Rey.” His voice was low and vibrated through his chest. She smiled and caught his earlobe between her lips, continuing to nuzzle her nose further into the scent of his hair.

“Rey!” he cried, turning his head so that he could look into her eyes. His brows were furrowed in annoyance but his cheeks were flushed a shade of pink that made something in Rey’s stomach clench. She smiled at him through hazy, half-lidded eyes and leaned forward to press her forehead against his.

“Benny, Benny, Boo-boo,” she chanted in a tuneless sing-song voice. “Don’t be mad, Benny.”

He let out a huff of air through his nose that Rey realized was a laugh as he shook his head against her. “You’re completely useless like this,” he told her, but he smiled as he said it. Rey liked his smile. She wished that he would use it more often. Especially when he was smiling at her.

“You liiiiiiiiike it,” Rey sang, kicking her legs through the air as Ben focused once more on getting them back to their ship. She went back to pressing her nose into the skin of Ben’s neck, every once in a while trailing a small line of kisses up the sinews of the muscles there, watching with fascination as they twitched beneath her gentle touch.

Her eyes drooped closed and she felt herself being rocked slowly to sleep by the gentle sway of Ben’s body as he trudged through the forest. It seemed like a very long time had passed before Rey finally heard the mechanical sliding of her ship’s hatch being opened and the coolness of the TIE fighter’s dark interior envelope her. Ben dumped her as gently as he could into her pilot’s seat and she groaned as she felt his arms leaving her.

Rey refused to release her hands from around his neck and she pulled Ben back to her as he tried to back away. She grunted in protest and brought his face close to hers. She couldn’t see him in the dim light of the ship and through her own blurred vision, but she felt his breath on her mouth and she pushed herself forward, searching for his lips.

Ben made a soft humming noise of dissent as he laced his hands around hers and forced them away from his neck. He pushed her back into her pilot’s seat and Rey made a frustrated, childish whine as she was denied the kiss that she wanted. She didn’t want him to go. He was warm and safe and green and she wanted to drown herself in him. “Ben,” she begged, “don’t go.”

“I’m right here, Rey,” he muttered. She didn’t realize that her eyes had closed as she leaned her head back against the headrest of her pilot’s seat, but she felt sleep closing in fast around her, even as she did her best to fight it away. She felt Ben’s soft, warm lips against her knuckles as he held both of her hands in his own and a satisfied purr vibrated deep in her throat. “I won’t leave you,” he promised.

Rey sighed contentedly and slipped immediately into unconsciousness.

Chapter Text

Unconsciousness weighed down heavily on Rey, pushing her into one of the deepest sleeps that she had ever experienced. Her dreams were illusory, slipping quickly between images, with none of them really formulating into anything with concrete meaning. The only thing that remained constant was him. He flooded all of her senses. Even when she couldn’t see him, she could still feel and taste and smell him all around her.

Sometimes it was just the heat of his skin against hers, making her shiver with want. Sometimes it was an image of his face, smiling at her in a way that made her insides weak. Sometimes it was just his deep, baritone voice calling out to her through the deep, red darkness again and again - Rey, Rey, Rey …

She soaked it all in, relishing in the sensations that her own dreaming mind could give her. She was marveling at the feel of his large hands as they slid down the skin of her bare back when all of a sudden there was a flash of bright green and the image melted away to be replaced by another. This time her dreams managed to capture all of Ben - from his curling, dark hair, to his Jedi robes, all the way to the tips of his brown leather boots. His arms were circled gently around her waist and Rey buried her face against his chest. Neither of them said a word but there was a certain sense of calm that settled between them. A sense of completeness. A sense of wholeness.

Rey felt the Force flowing in and around them and she sighed contentedly. The hole in her chest that she had felt so vividly in the basement of Maz Kanata’s castle was filled in a way that it never had been before, and she could sense her feelings being mirrored by the Ben in her dreams. Something in him was slowly coming together, too - mending old, bloody wounds.

His head leaned closer against the side of her face as he buried his nose in her loose hair and brushed his lips against her temple. He felt so impossibly real in this moment. She let out a soft moan of approval as he moved against her. Rey smoothed her right hand over his chest and she swore that she could feel the thrum of his heartbeat through his thick robes.

All of a sudden there was a familiar flash behind Rey’s eyes. At first she couldn’t quite place what it was as she felt herself being pulled closer to Ben, but she couldn’t fight away the strange itching sense at the back of her mind. Something deep inside of her was screaming that something was wrong - that she wasn’t alone.

In her dream, Rey’s eyes snapped open as she finally grasped her hands firmly around the connection in her mind that linked her directly with Ben. Gods, how could she have been so stupid? Her mind was completely open to him. He had seen everything she had dreamt about and she had let him walk straight in, without even trying to fight it. She had been calling out to him without even realizing it, and now he was here - clear and solid in her mind.

Rey pushed away from his solid, warm body with a grunt of frustration. His arms were reluctant to let her go and his brow furrowed as she pulled away. She glared up at him in defiance, a sense of burning self-loathing filling her entire body. Ben? she asked through clenched teeth. Is that really you?

To his credit, he managed to look sheepish for a moment before his features sank into an angry, defensive scowl. You were being very distracting, he grumbled as he shuffled his feet together. All those images in your head … I couldn’t block them out. You wouldn’t let me block them out.

Rey could feel herself flushing pink and she wanted nothing more than to scream and find a deep, dark place where she could hide and drown her shame. Something in Ben softened as he looked at her, watching her entire body turn red in frustration. Suddenly a single word flew from his mind and into hers: Beautiful.

Rey clenched her eyes shut and violently shook her head back and forth, willing all of this to just go away. She didn’t want these images of Ben anymore. She didn’t want to hate herself for being so weak. She didn’t want him to think that she was beautiful. She just wanted to block all of it out and disappear.

But her grip on their connection was tenuous at best in her exhausted state, and she found that she was only able to put up the smallest of barriers against him. Her anger flared and she watched as the dream world that surrounded them became tinted with a deep, blood red. Dark shadows swirled around her as she reached desperately into the Force, willing it to give her the strength that she needed to block him out.

But Ben did not disappear. He wasn’t even slightly perturbed as Rey’s mind filled with darkness and anger. In fact, he seemed almost fascinated by it. Rey tried to push him away with her mind, but he stepped forward anyway and raised his hands to her face. She felt his thumbs trace over her cheeks and she couldn’t tell if the burning sensation she felt there was humiliation or something much different.

The angry red Force that surrounded them licked at Ben’s skin like flames and Rey watched as the Light within him flickered and dimmed. She still felt a burning sense of wrongness as she watched the shadows that haunted her engulf Ben, but this time she didn’t try to stop them. She wanted him to feel her pain, to suffer with her. The Light within him still sone like a beacon against the darkness, but in the center of it all there was now a dark red stain that left a deep, bloody scar in the center of his chest.

Rey. She had been so busy watching his strange transformation that she hadn’t even noticed that he was still holding her face in his hands, gazing down at her with his wide brown eyes. Rey, look, he demanded. His right hand fell from her face and pressed against her chest, his long fingers splaying out along her collarbone.

Rey gasped as she felt a white hot sensation shoot through her. She didn’t have to look down at his hand to know that there was a bright, pure light shining there. She could feel it. It was like nothing she had ever experienced before. Was this the Light side of the Force? She could feel it warming her insides and sending heat flushing throughout her body. She felt as if she was coming undone and she wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. She knew one thing for certain in that moment - she hated Ben for doing this to her.

Rey’s hand moved of it’s own accord to rest against Ben’s own chest, marveling at the throbbing shadows that seemed to pulse from there. She could feel the power of the Dark filling and strengthening his entire body. His heart was hammering from the sensation of it. Was he afraid or exhilarated?

She could feel Ben’s thumb trailing down her cheek, brushing the edge of her mouth, and tilting her chin. Rey lowered her gaze, refusing to look at him as he gently urged her face upwards. She could feel a burning sensation behind her eyes - not quite tears, but something terrifyingly close - and she was determined not to let him see it. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to her forehead, and Rey let her eyelids slip shut once more. She could still feel the Light burning within her, and the Dark that was slowly filling Ben.

He pulled away from her, but Rey kept her eyes tightly shut as the Light and Dark battled within her - within both of them. She desperately wanted him to go away so that she could douse this fire burning within her, but at the same time her fingers curled up within his robes and she reached out with her mind, begging him for more.

Ben’s full lips pressed against each of her eyelids. Then the tip of her nose. Then trailed across each of her cheekbones. Everywhere he touched, her skin flared with light. Now his mouth was on her neck and Rey moaned with abandon as she wrapped her arms around him, needing him closer. The Light in her chest and the Dark within his clashed together in a blinding explosion and then everything disappeared as Rey jolted awake in the pilot’s seat.

-------------------------------------------------------

There was a growl of frustration that rang out in the closed cockpit that made Rey start again out of her pilot’s chair. It was dark outside, making it hard to see anything in the dim cockpit other than the control panel, where buttons and levers glowed a steady shade of red. She could immediately sense Ben in the gunner’s chair behind her and she turned slowly in the darkness to face him.

She could just make out the tortured scowl that furrowed his brow and made his dark eyes somehow even darker. Rey wanted to yell at Ben for invading her dreams, but as she opened her mouth to speak she simply let out a resigned sigh in stead. She knew that it wasn’t his fault - she had been unable to control herself in her inebriated state. It was her weakness that had drawn him in. She had been the one who had imagined all of those intimate moments - he had simply followed her lead.

Rey’s jaw clenched uncomfortably as she remembered the Darkness flowing through her body and into Ben’s. She could still feel a strange warming sensation in her chest, where she knew that she now carried a gleaming ball of Light. “What’s happening to us?” Rey asked, her voice small and insubstantial. She hated herself the minute that the words left her mouth, but she was beginning to feel as though she didn’t need to hide herself from Ben anymore. He obviously knew her weaknesses, but she knew his, too. He was caving just as much as she was, and the sensation was somehow drawing the two of them closer together.

“I don’t know,” Ben muttered honestly, shaking his head. “I’ve never felt anything like that before. Have you?”

Rey shook her head, wondering if he could even see her in the darkness of the cockpit. “I’ve never felt the Light before. Not even when I was a child. Not even when I was a Padawan of Luke Skywalker. For as long as I can remember there has only ever been Darkness.”

She could feel Ben around her mind as each of them marveled at the other - how soft green clashed against deep red. How Light reflected and enhanced the Dark. How together they perfectly mirrored each other, fitting together like to broken puzzle pieces.

“Rey, why did you do it?” His question startled her away from her soft thoughts and immediately her mind was filled with images of darkness and rain and blood. She saw the night through Ben’s eyes as she towered above him in the courtyard of Luke’s Academy. Her dark black hood cast her face in thick darkness. Her expression was stony and she was gazing down on him with eyes as empty and hollow as Ben felt while he sat in the blood of his dead and dying friends. He was certain that she was going to kill him, even as he begged for her to stop.

“Because,” she whispered, wincing as her voice cracked, “you were my only friend.” She imagined herself speaking these words to a younger Ben, the one she had grown up with. The only one who understood her pain and confusion and loneliness and liked her anyway. He had been like a brother to her at Luke’s Academy. Even though it was his mission to show her the Light and lead her away from the Dark, he understood why Rey basked in the coolness of the shadows and didn’t judge her for indulging in them.

That night when she had slaughtered all of the other Padawans, she had seen only one face as all of them stared up at her in horror and screamed with their dying breaths. She saw only Ben. She knew that he would have to be next. She really had thought herself ready, but when she finally came upon him sitting there in the rain, she knew that she had no choice. This was the only other person who truly knew her. Who believed in her. Who saw her Light.

Rey felt as though the emotions swirling in her chest would tear her into pieces and swallow her up. She wanted to cry, but after years and years of stoic numbness, she found that she didn’t have any tears ready to shed. Her hand reached out in the darkness and Ben met her there, lacing his long fingers through hers. The touch of bare skin sent their connection roaring through each of their heads.

Suddenly Ben was standing and Rey could feel the warmth of his body hovering just in front of her. “I couldn’t …” Rey was stuttering, unable to stop her own words from spilling out of her mouth. “I could never kill you. I don’t know why. I’ve tried a hundred times …”

“I know,” he whispers. Rey raised her hand - the one that wasn’t already being held in his own - and felt for him in the darkness, seeking out his face. Her fingers traced the line of his brow, the soft area under his eyes where she knew his skin was stained purple from lack of sleep, the long plane of his nose, the outline of his mouth. He caught her hand in his own and pressed a kiss into her palm. Rey’s hand curled into a fist, as if to steal away his kiss and keep it with her as a souvenir.

His face was hovering above her, bending to meet her but waiting patiently - allowing her to be the one who closed the gap. The kiss was nothing like the first. It was a simple pressure of soft, warm skin on skin. It only lasted a couple of seconds before Rey pulled away. The first time she had kissed him, she had had a plan in mind - she wanted to make it clear that she could control him and do as she pleased. It had been a power move, and nothing more. This time it was real, and Rey didn’t exactly know what that meant.

Suddenly both of Ben’s hands were tangled in her hair, cupping her face gently but insistently as he brought it back to his. His mouth engulfed her with warmth and she marveled at how gentle his lips felt against her skin while at the same time she could feel his - or was it hers? - crushing need.

They breathed heavily against each other as their lips ran clumsily together. Rey’s hands were behind Ben’s head, running through his thick curls, and she smiled against his mouth when he emitted a small moan. He gently nudged her head back, his lips trailing down along her throat and Rey echoed his desperate noise as a shiver ran down her spine. She followed his lead, running her mouth along his strong neck and reveling in the deep, comforting scent of him.

Tentatively, she allowed her tongue to brush against his skin between kisses and his hands immediately shot to her back, pressing her closer. She could feel his body heat burning through his clothes and all she could think about was how she needed him closer, closer.

He was panting against her ear when Rey sensed a strange heat coiling in his stomach - the same primal, animalistic sensation that she had sensed the last time they had kissed. This time her own body mirrored the sensation and she felt a shock shoot from her stomach down to her groin. She sighed against him as she ran her lips down his strong jaw, longing to taste him again.

There was a desperate hunger in this kiss and the two struggled to fit their mouths together as teeth collided ungracefully against teeth and tongues reached forward to taste one another. Ben groaned into her open mouth and for the first time in her life Rey actually felt like the teenager that she was. She couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if she had never joined Snoke and turned to the Dark side. Would she ever have had the chance to kiss Ben Solo like this?

Suddenly, Rey felt a stirring around them, as if the shadows of her ship had come alive and melded with the Force. She realized with a small start of shock that it was Ben who had called forth this powerful, hungry Darkness. Ben’s hips rolled against Rey’s in a way that made her breath catch in her throat and she finally realized what the strange feeling was that she had sensed growing in the pit of her stomach as something in Ben’s trousers pressed insistently against her leg. She had never experienced anything like this before and she was momentarily drunk with the sensation. She liked that she was able to elicit this sensation within him, but she could feel an anxious clench in her own stomach at the same time.

She didn’t like the way that Ben had so easily surrounded himself by the Dark side of the Force - had he even realized that he had done it? She didn’t sense any darkness in his mind, but he still managed to control the shadows with a precision that made Rey’s heart skip a beat in fear.

Rey forced his head away from hers and took a half step back, letting a breeze of fresh air wash between their heated bodies. She could sense Ben’s frustration, but she could also feel the cooling sense of reason rushing back through him as he regained his senses. The roiling shadows around them seemed to die down as they both retreated back into themselves once more. An image of Master Luke flashed to the forefront of Ben’s mind and Rey wasn’t sure if she wanted to laugh or cry at that.

She took a moment to take a careful look at him, using the Force around her to sense him out, since the lighting in the ship’s cockpit was near non-existent. The edges of his Force signature still glowed a bright, healthy green, but there was still a harsh, garish splash of darkness marring its center - just like Rey had seen in her dream. It looked to her as if the shadows were eating him up from the inside and the thought made Rey forget to breath for a long minute.

What is it? Ben asked through their connection. What’s wrong?

Why did you do that? Rey asked him, indicating the shadows that still hung around them. The Dark side of the Force was still strong in this place from where Ben had called it forward. She could almost sense its insatiable hunger as it reached out to Ben, tasting and grabbing at him, trying to make him join them in the Dark.

Ben watched her with quiet concern as he silently shrugged and replied, I don’t know. It just kind of happened.

Rey felt tears - real tears - pricking the back of her eyes and she slowly began closing off her connection with Ben, pushing him slowly but deliberately out of her mind.

“Rey, what are you - ?” She stopped his words with her mouth, giving him one last kiss. This one was gentle and Rey breathed him in as she savored the feeling of her last kiss with Ben Solo. The very thought made her heart break, and she felt its shattered pieces falling apart like broken glass inside of her, carving bloody wounds into her insides. He was completely banished from her mind now, having let her push him away without a fight, and a single tear rolled down Rey’s cheek despite herself as she realized what she had to do next.

His thumb brushed her cheek, catching the tear before it could fall. His lips were hesitant beneath hers as she pulled away, but she didn’t let him voice his concerns. Instead, she reached out with her right hand, calling forward the shadows of the Force that Ben had left abandoned around them, and used them to dim his consciousness until he passed out with a sigh, his knees buckling as he collapsed backwards into the safety of the gunner’s chair. A strange cry rang out in the small cockpit and Rey belatedly realized that it had been her own voice, sobbing into the void that Ben had left behind.

There were tears in her eyes the entire time that she powered up the TIE fighter and guided it up through Takodana’s atmosphere. A lifetime of tears that Rey had thought she had forgotten how to shed streamed silently down her face as she methodically piloted her way out of the Tashtor Sector. She could feel Ben dreaming behind their connection, but she kept his sleeping thoughts out of her head as she aimed her ship out towards the Outer Rim and set her destination for D’Qar. She knew there was a major Resistance base stationed there, and she figured that chances were good that someone would recognize and care for an unconscious Ben Solo.

Chapter Text

Rey knew that she should have felt something as she navigated her way through the Ileenium System. Fear, trepidation, a strong sense of alertness, at the very least. But she felt nothing except for her own aching, tired body and mind as she piloted straight for the lush green planet of D’Qar. She knew that this was dangerous - flying straight into the heart of enemy territory with a First Order TIE fighter - but she had a plan, even if she didn’t particularly like it.

She steered her ship to the far side of D’Qar, figuring that making a subtle landing in the depths of night would be easier than bursting into the enemy’s midst in broad daylight. Her heart skipped a beat a she smoothed through D’Qar’s atmosphere and heard Ben stirring in the seat behind her. This trick with the Force wouldn’t last much longer - she knew that she had to get him to safety and get herself out of D’Qar as soon as possible. Even more than being caught by the enemy and held prisoner, Rey feared Ben waking up and trying to fight her. Or even worse, allowing him the chance to use her weakness against her and make her stay.

D’Qar wasn’t really that much different from Takodana, and Rey silently cursed these useless, densely wooded planets as she looked for a place where she could safely land while staying away from open areas, where she could be easily spotted. Her ship grazed the tops of the tallest trees as she kept as low to the ground as she possibly could in order to avoid detection. It was a good thing that she happened to be such a naturally skilled pilot.

Taking a deep breath, Rey reached out into the Force and used it to search out any kind of life on the dark planet below. The planet was positively teeming with Resistance troops and Rey huffed in frustration as she searched for a place where she could land that was close but not too close to an enemy base. She finally managed to settle on a spot - and though it was perhaps a little farther away than she wanted it to be, she trusted that Ben would know how to take care of himself and that he would be able to find his allies without too much difficulty whenever he regained consciousness.

Rey could feel herself beginning to sweat as she prepared herself for the task at hand. She let the ship idle just above the forest floor and quickly reached into the Force, using its power to lift Ben’s limp body out of the gunner’s chair. Rey’s stomach clenched as she drew his arm around her shoulders, noting how she was escorting him off of the TIE fighter in the same way that she had forced him into it. The whole situation created a humorous kind of symmetry, but Rey couldn’t have laughed even if she had wanted to.

Ben’s head lolled onto Rey’s shoulder, his long hair brushing against her face, and Rey felt her resolve softening as his warm, familiar scent washed over her. No, she commanded herself silently, drawing further into the Dark side of the Force as she used its shadows to strengthen her body as well as her mind. This is how it has to be, she told herself. I can do this.

The forest outside of her ship was alive with the bustling sounds of small, nocturnal creatures. D’Qar’s moon shone bright and full overhead, illuminating the space in a cool glow. As slowly and as gently as she could, Rey lowered Ben’s unconscious body to the forest floor. She kept her hands beneath his head, making sure to carefully support him so that he would not jolt awake. She couldn’t help herself as she let her eyes roam over his familiar feature, taking him in for the last time. In the bright moonlight she could easily see the mottled bruise that was beginning to rise over the left side of his face where she had punched him a few days earlier. Her expression twisted between a grimace and a smile as she mused over the fact that he would have at least one parting token from her.

Rey forced herself to step back, fighting against the magnetic pull that she felt tugging at her chest, begging for her to stay. She wondered if this was the Force Bond pulling her tighter or if it was something else - something that didn’t have a name. Her limbs moved mechanically as she detached Ben’s lightsaber hilt from her belt and tossed it ungracefully down at his side. She decided at the last second that she could leave him with at least one more souvenir, and in one sweeping motion she detached her thick black cape from her shoulders and laid it across his long body. It only reached from his shoulders to just above his knees, but Rey convinced herself that it was at least something.

She found herself hesitating as she looked down at him, knowing that she was running on borrowed time and that she needed to leave. Now. Ben could awaken at any second, and she had no doubt that the Resistance radars had picked up her ship by now. She fought the urge to lean down and give him one last departing kiss - to feel his skin against hers one last time, to smell his warm, inviting scent - but she refused to allow herself this last act of weakness. She needed to be strong now. She needed to have faith in her resolve. She needed to let him go.

Rey forced herself to turn her back on him. She felt as if she were nothing more than some kind of service droid now, with only simply commands running through her mind, pushing her forward. Put one foot in front of the other. Close the hatch. Raise the landing ramp. Set coordinates to somewhere - anywhere - far, far away from here. Guide the TIE fighter up and out of D’Qar. Avoid Resistance detection. Don’t look back. Don’t cry. Don’t think. Just do.

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Rey drifted through the Outer Rim with her ship on autopilot - no destination in mind, simply watching the star systems fly by outside her cockpit window and considering what it was that she had to do next. Luke’s lightsaber was in her lap as she fidgeted in her pilot’s chair, trying and failing to find a comfortable meditative position in this cramped environment. The sheer blue light that encompassed the old weapon was pulsing especially bright at the moment, as if screaming for her attention. It had something to tell her, and she was just as eager to hear it as the weapon seemed to be to give it.

She sighed, focusing on pushing away her frustrations and worrisome thoughts as she emptied her mind and tried to answer the lightsaber’s call. It almost seemed to vibrate against her as she opened herself up to it, as if it were eager to welcome her back, despite the fact that it did not belong to her. Vibrant images began to flash against the inside of her eyelids - too quickly for her to grasp them or make any meaning out of them. There was a voice whispering to her and she strained her ears, trying to discern its message.

… Rey … The voice was familiar but she couldn’t quite place it. Some voice from long, long ago … Suddenly there was an image so bright and vibrant that it made Rey gasp aloud in the silence of her cockpit. Deep, blue water stretched out for as far as the eye could see and there - just on the edge of the horizon, so small that she could barely see it - was a small speck of land. The lightsaber hummed happily in her lap. Yes. Here. Here, it sang out triumphantly.

The image swirled in Rey’s mind, blurring into a gray haze that she could no longer make any sense of. Prepare yourself, Child of the Dark, came that strange, familiar voice. It was strong and clear as it called out to her through the Force. Where had she heard it before? It was most certainly male, when an accent similar to her own. Had she heard it before in real life, or had it been in her dreams? The path you walk is filled with smoke and shadows. Step carefully.

Rey’s eyes snapped open as she hurtled out of her meditative state. At first she had thought that the lightsaber - or whoever spoke to her through it - had pushed her awake, but then she felt a familiar nagging at the back of her mind and she realized who it was that had jolted her back to consciousness.

Rey. The voice was not the kind, gentle voice that she had just been listening to. This one was filled with anger, frustration, and hurt. Rey, what have you done?

Rey closed her eyes again and took a deep breath, though it rattled in her chest as she fought to control it. She breathed strength into the barriers in her mind, careful to keep him away from her thoughts, but she allowed the connection to remain open for now. She hated how desperate she was just to hear his voice.

Rey, how could you do this? Where are you?

Are you okay? she asked, doing her best to make her tone seem calm and collected.

Rey, where are you? he demanded again. Please come back. Don’t do this.

Her stomach clenched uncomfortably and Rey felt like she wanted to be sick right there in her cockpit. I have to, she told him simply. You deserve better, Ben. Please, don’t come looking for me. It’s for the best, I promise.

No! His voice roared in her head with an intensity that scared her. She could still feel the shadows circling around him, ready to swallow him whole and drag him down into the Darkness. She knew that she had been the one who put them there, and that thought made her broken heart sink in her chest. Rey, you can’t do this!

She was already tightening her hold on the connection, slowly closing it off from her side. I’m sorry, Ben. This has to be goodbye.

She could feel the rage boiling in him. The sharp, burning pain as he fought to hold onto her. He felt abandoned, unwanted, forgotten. He screamed something but Rey had already blocked him out of her mind, effectively silencing his words. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t completely block him out. She felt him skirting around her mind, fighting desperately to get back in. She wondered how much longer she would be forced to endure this torture. She wondered if he would always be there in the back of her mind - fighting her defenses and searching for her weaknesses.

Rey had thought that she had shed all of the tears that she could possibly shed, but one last one trailed lazily down her cheek as she grasped the cool metal of Luke’s lightsaber hilt in her hand once more. She sniffed as she roughly scrubbed the tear away and opened her eyes to focus on the star systems passing by her outside of the TIE fighter’s window. She still wasn’t exactly sure where she was going, but there was a pulsing blue energy calling out to her through the Force, leading her forward through the Outer Rim, and she guided her ship in that direction, thankful that it was leading her forward and further away from Ben Solo.

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The farther she traveled away from D’Qar the easier it was to block Ben out, but Rey could still sense his nagging presence in the back of her mind, never fading or resting in his attempt to reach her. She had been trailing the strange blue beacon through the expanse of the Outer Rim for two days now and something within her - or perhaps it was the lightsaber itself - was telling her that she was close. The old weapon felt as if it were alive the closer that she got to her illusive destination. The whispers that she heard coming from it were almost constant now, and louder than ever.

Every now and then Rey would hear that familiar voice calling to her again. Yes. Good. Come, my Child of the Dark. Keep your footsteps strong and sure. Do not be frightened if the path is hidden from you. You are strong, Young One. Follow your instincts.

Suddenly the lightsaber in Rey’s lap seemed to glow white-hot and she yelped as she grasped it away from her skin and held it in her thick leather gloves. The blue light that she saw in the Force pulsed like a supernova and then quickly disappeared. She glanced out of her cockpit window, knowing that she had finally reached whatever destination she was searching for.

The star system she found herself in was small - one that she had never seen before and certainly didn’t have a name for. Five planets hovered tightly around a glowing yellow star and Rey was surprised when she was immediately able to pick out the one that she was looking for. She felt herself being drawn in as if it was reaching out with its own gravitational pull and luring her closer. The planet was the smallest in its system, its atmosphere glowing in a pale blue haze around it. As Rey slowly approached she could make out the vast expanse of open, blue ocean that swirled across the planet’s surface.

It wasn’t until she had broken through the planet’s atmosphere that she was able to detect his presence. It was as though he had set up some kind of shield through the Force, blocking his Force signature from being detected by anyone outside of the planet. But now that she was here, Rey could see him glowing like a pale blue sun on the horizon, lighting up the Force all around him.

Rey. Luke Skywalker’s voice was familiar and warm in her mind as he called out to her through the Force, but it only elicited a wave of anger and hate in her. She sensed her own bright red Force signature swelling as she connected with her long-lost Master.

You’ve finally come, he said simply, as if he had been waiting for her the whole time.

Rey growled underneath her breath as she reached into the Force, searching for the strength to push him away and drown him out. His Force signature was blinding and his hold on the Force here was like nothing she had ever seen before. She knew that it would take a great deal to build up a blockade between them.

However, as Rey reached out for the familiarity of the shadows, she found herself coming up short. Something about this place was different. It reminded her of Maz Kanata’s castle - where everything had been hazy and she had had to fight desperately to achieve any sort of grasp on the Force. This planet was bathed in Light, drowning out all else in the Force, and Rey found that she was unable to find the familiar shadows of the Dark, let alone control them to their will.

Her teeth clenched as she fought against the Light, searching for even the merest passing shadow that she could grab onto and use. However, as she silently struggled in the darkness of her ship’s cockpit, she could feel Luke drawing away from her. Come and find me, Young One. His voice was confident and sure in her head. It reminded her of all those times he had looked down on her when she had been his Padawan. He had always underestimated her, and it made her furious even now. When you are ready, find me.

Rey watched as his blue Force signature faded over the horizon and she was glad to see him go. The Force fluctuated around her as she hovered over the tiny blue planet. She repelled the Light like a magnet with a similar charge and it hovered around her, just out of reach and unwilling to do her bidding. The lightsaber in her hand was singing, like a long lost child finally finding its way home. None of this had been what she was expecting and she found herself reluctant to land the TIE fighter in this strange, Light-soaked place with Luke Skywalker.

She searched the planet’s surface with her eyes instead of using the Force, since she doubted that it would have helped her anyway. Dotted randomly throughout the expanse of water were tiny, green islands. She could still feel Luke’s presence, glowing brightly from the other side of the planet. She decided that for the time being she would like to be as far away form him as possible, and slowly guided her ship down onto a decent-sized island in the ocean below.

The terrain on the island was rocky, but there was enough flat ground that landing the TIE fighter was easy - far simpler than landing in the thick forests of D’Qar and Takodana. Rey opened the cockpit hatch and lowered the landing ramp, the salty smell of the ocean immediately flooding her ship. The wind outside was strong and it whistled in her ears as she took in her surroundings. There didn’t seem to be any life forms here - not even any animals that she might be able to use for sustenance or target practice. She scowled as she thought of what a very Luke place this seemed to be.

She took a moment to sense out the Force around her once more. It was no wonder that Luke Skywalker had managed to stay hidden for so long - this was an ancient, powerful place, the Light side of the Force flowing through it with a strength and intensity like nothing Rey had ever experienced before. She closed her eyes, breathing in the salty sea breeze and slowly opening up all of her senses to this strange, new place. The flickering ball of Light in her chest, which had dimmed to a mere, weak candle flame every since she had left Ben on D’Qar, seemed to breathe in the Force here and flared within her.

Rey could sense that there were ancient, secret things buried somewhere deep inside of the island and a small smile turned up the edges of her mouth - she had always enjoyed hunting for buried treasure. She found herself flush with a sense of eagerness as she anticipated what she might find in this strange, forgotten place.

Suddenly, a wave of heavy emotions crashed through her. Emotions that were not her own. She realized too late that she had allowed the barriers within her mind to relax and soften and, in this place so filled with Light, she was unable to find the strength to fight him back. Ben was there in her mind, though the connection was significantly weakened by the great amount of time and space that Rey had managed to put between them. Still, he called out to her desperately, his sadness washing over her thoughts in waves.

Rey, why? he asked, his voice nothing more than a dim whisper. Why, why, why? She saw that same image of him when he was a teenager, staring out of the window at Luke’s Academy and being filled with such a deep sense of loneliness that it made Rey’s knees go weak. His thoughts were disjointed and broken and Rey wasn’t sure if it was because of the weakness of the connection or if Ben was just so far gone that he couldn’t control his thoughts anymore. The thought scared her.

They all leave. Everyone. They always leave me. Mom, Dad, Chewie, Luke, Rey. I repulse the people I love. No one cares about Ben Solo. No one cares. So alone. They always leave. Why do they always have to leave?

Rey felt the sharp edges of her broken heart aching inside of her and she couldn’t stop herself as she reached out into the void, trying to strengthen their connection. She sent him reassuring, calming images and soft, gentle words. A soft, warm breeze running through his long hair. You’re not alone. The feel of warm sun on his skin. You’ll never be alone. A gentle, loving kiss. Ben.

The sharp, stabbing pain in her chest subsided, but she could still feel his desperate sadness as he imagined himself embracing her. Please come back. Oh, Rey …

Rey didn’t respond but she kept the connection open, against her better judgement. She knew that she shouldn’t, but she couldn’t help herself. She was lonely, too.

Chapter Text

Rey spent her nights on her small deserted island lying under the stars, tracing shapes in the familiar map that the night sky lay out before her and drawing invisible lines that always led back to the distant blinking blue star at the heart of the Ileenium System. She mourned the loss of her black cape, since the nights on her island were windy and cold, but there were thick wool blankets in the TIE fighter’s emergency kit that worked well enough to keep her warm and protected, though they were musty and scratchy and made her sleep restless. She still had plenty of food and water aboard her ship, but it would only last her for another month at most, and she was beginning to wonder just how long she would be here.

She had landed telling herself that she was looking for Luke Skywalker, and yet she hesitated to reach out to him. The raging red bloodlust that had haunted her for the past three years had completely evaporated into the ether. She didn’t stay up at night thinking about revenge or completely her mission any more. Maybe it was this strange, peaceful planet and the Light that constantly seemed to hover around her that had changed her ways, but Rey had a burning sense that it was something deeper than that.

Rey meditated every day on the island, slipping into meditative trances more easily than she ever had in her life. She didn’t need to call upon the Dark to connect herself with the Force here - there was something deeper, older, and more powerful that hung about this place and lent itself to her like an old friend that she had known all her life. She kept Luke’s lightsaber constantly at her side, listening intently to whatever the hidden voice within would tell her. It guided her like the Master that she had never had in Luke Skywalker, urging her on and leading her towards … something.

It was her third day on the island and the lightsaber was in her lap as always, vibrating contentedly as the voice within whispered incessantly. Deeper. Look deeper. She could feel it pulling her downwards, as if the gravity was pushing on her shoulders and urging her closer to the earth. She laid out her bare hands on the grass beneath her, pushing down into the dirt with the Force. Something deep below the surface answered her call and Rey smiled as she discovered the vast expanse of natural caves carved into the ground below her. A wave of excitement rolled over her at the prospect of adventuring through the long lost caves.

However, just as Rey was rising out of her meditation, an angry, mechanical beeping sounded from behind her. She glanced over her shoulder at her abandoned TIE fighter with a scowl, racking her brain to try and remember what that particular alarm meant. Something about the peace and simplicity of this island seemed to make one forget about more practical, mechanical things. Rey trudged up the landing ramp and into the cockpit, which had remained open to the elements ever since her arrival three days ago.

A red button on the console was flashing and Rey blinked at it in hesitation as she finally remembered what it meant. There was a transmission coming through. A message from headquarters - from the First Order. Rey’s fingers hovered over the button, weighing the pros and cons of simply disconnecting the line and leaving the First Order to assume her dead. But she knew that Snoke would never fall for that, even if Rey were certain that he wouldn’t be able to find her Force signature here on Luke’s hidden planet.

Finally, after clearing her throat and making sure that her black uniform was in presentable condition, she pushed the red button to open up transmissions with headquarters.

“Rey. Report.” Of course it had to be General Hux who contacted her. Rey gritted her teeth and fought the urge to roll her eyes as a small, blue holograph popped up before her and the general sneered at her.

“Still on the search for Ben Solo and Luke Skywalker,” she responded, unable to keep a hint of sarcasm from slipping into her voice. “The same thing I’ve been doing since I left the First Order, Hux. I would have reported back if I had any news to respond.”

“What’s taking so long?” he spat angrily.

“Why, miss me?” Rey asked playfully, flashing his hologram a dark smile.

The general’s nose curled in disdain - he had never been a very good sport. “It is not I who is concerned,” he assured her. “I simply want to make sure that you haven’t stolen a First Order ship to go gallivanting through the Outer Rim on some foolish whim. The Supreme Leader is the one who awaits your return.”

Rey forced her breathing to remain calm, even as her heart sped up a couple of beats. She knew logically that Snoke would never be able to find her here, but that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t try. That he wouldn’t rip the galaxy in two trying to recover his rogue Apprentice. “I will speak with Snoke,” she told Hux stonily. “This is no business of yours. You’ll get your precious ship back in due time.”

Hux gave her a curt nod and said, “See that you do.” His hologram snapped and disappeared without any further pleasantries and Rey sighed into the silence of her cockpit as a million different traitorous ideas ran through her head. Could she really abandon the First Order? Could she disappear, become a shadow? Could she live the rest of her life running and hiding from Snoke and his army? She knew that the answer to all of these questions was a resounding yes, but it didn’t satisfy her the way that she thought it would. She had been loyal to the First Order for the past three years, and even if that loyalty had been stretched to suit her own needs, she still wasn’t sure if she was ready to completely let go of all of the promise and power that the First Order held.

Rey’s gaze dropped to her ship’s control panel, where the blinking red transmission button was now dark. Hux would call again. He would track the ship down and drag her back to the First Order, satisfied to have one more fighting ship in his armada and a war traitor to sacrifice to Snoke. Rey bent down, craning her head to get a better look at the wiring beneath the control panel. She found what she was looking for immediately, and with a simple twist and a tug she dismantled the TIE fighter’s communications hub and identification chip, ensuring that no one from the First Order - or anywhere else in the galaxy, for that matter - would be able to track or call her ever again.

She tossed the small piece of machinery from one hand to the other, marveling at the strange sense of freedom that rushed through her as she descended from the ship - from her ship. She actually gave a little bark of light-hearted laughter as she basked in the midday sun and looked out over the vast ocean that surrounded her island. Rey reared her arm back, using all the force within her small, lithe body to send the machinery flying over her head and far, far out into the deep blue ocean. It smacked the water with a resounding thunk and Rey felt her smile slip away as she contemplated the consequences of what she had just done.

The rest of her life was going to look very different from what she had always imagined. Ever since she was a child and she had first heard Snoke’s whisperings in her head, Rey had imagined herself as a fearful, powerful queen - a woman who would instill a sense of respect and authority in every sentient life form in the galaxy. She would hunt out and kill Ben Solo and Luke Skywalker, depose Snoke from his throne, and be the last Sith standing at the end of it all. Rey scowled at the watery blue horizon as she contemplated what had gone so terribly wrong in her life that all of her plans had been so drastically changed.

Ben. His name rang through her mind unbidden and Rey’s scowl only deepened as she considered this simple answer. Of course it had been Ben. But why? Why had she let him do this to her? Why had she let him change everything? Insignificant, weak Ben Solo. Maybe it was just that - maybe she pitied him. The two of them weren’t so different, she supposed, and she did feel a certain amount of empathy for him. After all, his family had pushed him away, just like hers had, Master Luke didn’t treat him the way that he deserved to be treated, and he felt completely alone and abandoned in this cruel, unforgiving galaxy. Except, that is, when the two of them were together. Locked in each other’s arms had been the only time that either of them had felt right and whole and loved.

Rey conjured Ben up in her mind as she paced the length of her small island. I threw away everything for you, she thought, not even sure if he could hear her or not. I hope you’re happy.

She could feel a complicated swirl of emotions in her mind and she knew that Ben was answering her call, the two of them connecting easily across the lightyears of time and space that separated them. If he heard her thoughts, he showed no sign of it. He remained stoically silent, and Rey could still sense his profound sense of hurt. He wanted to push her away, to forget about her, but he couldn’t. Rey didn’t know why, but this gave her the smallest glimmer of hope.

Her eyes were scanning the terrain idly as she soaked in as much of Ben as she could through their weak Force Bond. She was letting her feet and her instincts lead her, just as her mentor’s voice had told her to do. It didn’t take her long to find a strange, half-covered entrance hidden by three large boulders and a crawling kind of ivy. The hidden cave was dark and cool as she approached it and Rey felt a strange sense of rightness roll over her as she descended into its shadowy depths. Something down there was calling to her, and her body reacted to it without hesitation.

Yes. Come, my Child of the Dark. You’re ready. It’s time.

Rey considered simply using the Force to guide her steps in the darkness of the cavern, but she had always preferred using her own two eyes to view her surroundings. She lit Luke’s lightsaber in her right hand and her own saberstaff in her left, the glowing blue and red blades creating a dancing pattern around her as she descended further into the darkness.

The cave was dark and damp - the only evidence that sentient life forms had ever traveled here was in the smooth, worn slope of the ground from generations of feet wearing down the floor and the strategic steps cut into the stone every now and then to provide a gentler decline. Rey felt the Force around her shifting into strange, half-remembered shapes and she was reminded once more of the basement in Maz Kanata’s castle. This was the same kind of neutral, hazy Force - Gray Force, Maz had called it. It swirled around her in lazy patterns, pulsing with a strength that seemed to invade every single one of Rey’s senses. It was even more powerful than the burning shine of the Light Force above the ground, which seemed to hang about the planet in a tight, suffocating embrace.

Suddenly, the connection in Rey’s mind burst into startling clarity as she felt the Force Bond linking her with Ben suddenly being pulled tight, like a loose piece of rope being snapped taught. Rey thought Ben might have been sleeping or perhaps meditating, because it felt as though he was jolting awake inside of her mind.

What the hell? he was gasping in her mind.

I … Sorry. I’m sorry, Rey stuttered, attempting to collect herself and hurriedly throw up any barrier that she could in order to keep Ben away from her deepest thoughts. She was still intent on keeping him at a safe distance, where he wouldn’t be able to find her. Rey hoped that whatever shields Luke had built up around this planet would be strong enough to keep her destination a secret, even through this powerful Force Bond.

Rey … He was reaching out to her and Rey couldn’t tell if her image of him was growing hazy because of their dimming connection, or because of the strange neutral Force that was growing around her. If the Light Force outside had been repelled by her like a similarly-charged magnet, this Gray Force was being drawn towards her like an oppositely-charged one. Please. Don’t go.

Rey hesitated as she continued to fortify the barriers around her thoughts while at the same time keeping him firmly in her mind. She was surprised to find that, surrounded by this strange Gray Force, she was able to control the Force Bond in a way that she never had before.

I’m not going anywhere, she promised him. I’m right here.

She could feel him filling her mind as she wandered deeper into the caves and she let him explore her without limits, knowing that her location and deeper feelings were safely hidden away from him behind the mental blockades that she had constructed. She felt the way he wished that it were his real hands, and now just some extension of the Force, that he was running along her shoulders and neck. Rey shivered despite herself as she forced herself on.

Where are you? he asked again. Please, let me come find you.

No, Rey responded immediately. You can’t. I won’t let you. She felt a wave of rejection slide through his veins like ice, but he didn’t ask her again.

Suddenly Rey noticed that the small pathway she had been traveling through was slowly beginning to widen. She felt as though each step she took forward was somehow momentous as she watched the walls around her yawn open into a large cavern that looked oddly like a Jedi meditation hall. A large circular opening in the top of the tall arching ceiling lit the stone room in pale sunlight, illuminating smooth, carefully carved walls, a couple of large meditation stone slabs scattered randomly about, and a large basin carved into the center of the floor, where a shallow pool of water had formed.

Come, Child. The voice was immediately in her head, making her gasp. Though it was a familiar, trusted voice by now, Rey had never heard it come from anything other than the blue lightsaber that still buzzed expectantly at her side. Now, the strange man’s voice - the one she had come to think of as a sort of mentor - was hovering all around her. Come and sit. Meditate. Your questions shall finally be answered.

Rey? This time, it was Ben’s voice that was in her head. Are you okay?

Did you hear him? she asked, her inner thoughts sounding breathless as she killed both of the lightsaber beams and shuffled quickly towards the stone meditation slab that stood nearest the center of the room. Did you hear the voice?

What voice? Ben asked, his own tone tinged with worry. What’s going on? He had seen the cavern through Rey’s eyes when she had first entered, but she was pushing him back now, eager to be reunited with her mentor and receive some much-needed answers. She shivered as her backside touched the cool stone slab and again she longed for her old black cape. She wondered if Ben had kept it.

Ben, I have to go, she mumbled hurriedly. Just for a while. I’ll find you again, I promise.

Rey felt a weighted sensation in her chest as Ben silently allowed her to block him out, but she didn’t let that shake her resolve. The Gray Force was singing to her in this place, chanting her own name in her ears. Child of the Dark. Princess of the Shadows. Powerful One. We have been waiting for you.

Rey could feel her mind slipping into a deep state of meditation even before she had completely curled her legs up around her into a proper lotus position. She found that she didn’t even need to close her eyes as a profound sense of peace washed over her, making her forget the pain of her own physical body, her insecurities and doubts, and even Ben Solo. She actually gasped aloud one more as she felt herself being lifted up into a higher plane of consciousness. She had never felt anything like this before in her life, and she felt impossibly, blissfully at peace.

Rey. You’ve finally come. This time the voice came to her from a nearby meditation slab, the one sitting just across the small pool of water and directly in front of her line of vision. Rey watched in amazement as the Force began to swirl itself into a solid form. Her hazel eyes were wide with surprise, but she found that she was unable to feel fear in this peaceful, resigned place. The form in front of her blazed a soft blue as it twisted into the shape of a man. He sat before her, mirroring her meditative position exactly. He was middle-aged with a full beard and kind eyes. Rey couldn’t pick out distinctive colors in the blue haze he seemed to be shrouded in, but his robes were undoubtedly that of a Jedi. Rey recognized him immediately as her guiding voice.

Hello, Master, she greeted him, the title rolling off of her tongue with surprising ease. It felt as if he had been with Rey for her entire life, guiding her to this moment. It was only right to call him what he clearly was.

You have traveled far, my child, he smiled knowingly at her. I feel your weariness and your pain. You wear them like a shroud.

What is this place? Rey asked.

It has no name, her Master explained. It is an ancient place where the oldest of Jedi used to meditate. It’s a sacred place. A secret place.

Why have you called me here?

Because it is time for your training, he replied, his eyes sparkling in the darkness.

Training for what?

For your destiny, my child. Surely you have heard the Gray Force calling to you?

Rey didn’t respond but in this strange, ethereal place she didn’t have to. She was instantly filled with a strange sense of knowing and she found that she no longer had to ask her questions aloud - for the answers were simply right there, already planted in her head. This man was Obi-Wan Kenobi. Ben, as his friends called him. He was Rey’s grandfather - a great Jedi Knight and Master who had trained both Anakin and Luke Skywalker in the ways of the Force. He had led her here as her guiding spirit, shaping each of her steps to ensure that she would eventually end up here, in this place. And now he was going to teach her about the mysterious Gray Force. To train her. To make her into the first Gray Jedi that this galaxy had seen in centuries.

Obi-Wan’s smile held a heavy sadness as he watched realization dawn over her in waves. It is nice to finally meet you, Rey, he said. I’ve been waiting a long time.

Chapter Text

Close your eyes, Rey.

Her eyelids snapped shut on demand, the Gray Force around her blooming with instant clarity inside of her mind. It reached out to her with such calm familiarity that it made her want to cry. Rey had never felt so at peace - as though she were returning to a long lost home that she hadn’t even realized that she had left. She was filled with such a sense of belonging - a sensation that she had never before felt in her entire life.

Her breath became ragged as she felt herself fitting into this ancient place with such natural ease that it seemed almost impossible that she had lived her entire life without knowing this feeling. Focus your mind, Obi-Wan whispered into her thoughts. Feel your own Force signature around you.

Rey calmed her breathing and tried to latch onto the familiar red glow that surrounded her, but she found herself suddenly struggling to grasp it. Here in the deep fog of the Gray Force her signature was no longer the bright, garish red that she had grown accustomed to - instead it had softened into a deep, rich burgundy color. The sudden change alarmed her, and she wasn’t entirely sure how to handle the fact that the Gray Force had reached into her and changed her very own, unique Force energy. Rey tentatively allowed herself to explore this strange new energy, and she was surprised to feel a shiver of pleasure run through her as she basked in the warm, melting sensation that it enveloped her in.

For so long you have been hiding in the Darkness, my child, Master Obi-Wan told her. Hiding your pain and sorrow. You must learn to bare yourself to the Light before you are able to balance yourself within the Gray.

Rey nodded obediently, but a part of her mind - the terrified, angry little girl that had been dumped into Luke Skywalker’s custody by her unwitting parents - cried out against this. She was clinging to the shadows of the Darkness in Rey’s mind, unwilling to let them go. Rey’s heartbeat skittered in her chest and she felt Master Obi-Wan’s presence shift around her. Do not be afraid, child, he said. You must learn to let go of the past.

But the young girl only screamed and shied away from the comforting glow that Master Obi-Wan brought with him. Rey could feel her facial features drop into a scowl as she fought against this terrified, irrational part of herself. Every time she tried to reach out to find her broken half, the pieces seemed to crumble in her fingers and rush out of her grasp. You are torn between two worlds, Master Obi-Wan told her. You must learn to balance them. Accept the Light as well as the Dark. That is the only way to achieve true harmony.

I’m afraid. Rey wasn’t sure if this confession was a thought coming from the young, terrified girl in her mind or her own rational thoughts.

You need someone to help show you the way, Master Obi-Wan told her, a strange, sad note infiltrating his calm voice. Do not be afraid to ask for help, my child.

Please, Rey begged desperately, reaching out to his familiar, warm presence. Please, help me. I am ready, Master. Show me the way to be free of this pain.

Rey saw Obi-Wan smile within her mind, but the sadness in his eyes only deepened. It is not I who can help you, Child of the Dark, he explained simply. There is another. A Child of the Light. Perhaps he can show you the way.

Rey could feel Obi-Wan’s presence dimming as he slowly retracted from her mind. What do you mean? she asked, scrambling to hold onto him as he pulled away from her. Master, please. You have guided me this far. Tell me what I must do.

You already hold all of the answers that you seek, child, he replied, his voice a mere whisper as he melted back into the shifting Gray Force around her. Search within yourself. When you are read to let go of the Darkness I will be here. This lesson is not mine to teach. Be strong, Child of the Dark.

Rey felt a huff of frustration sigh through her lungs as Master Obi-Wan’s shifting blue Force signature faded into the haze around her. Already she could feel the shadows within her mind growing and unfurling as the young, terrified girl within her breathed a sigh of relief. She melted into the familiar clutches of the Dark, but the shadows did not lend her the same comfort that they usually did. Instead of feeling calmly and blissfully numb, she now just felt empty. Incomplete.

Rey focused on the small glimmer of Light still flaming in her chest, how it burned and scarred her insides. If the shadows were like a void in her mind, then this small flame was an explosion. It emanated pain and happiness and joy and sorrow and everything that Rey had worked her entire life to drown out. She had no idea how to control this wild, bright energy and all of her senses shied away from it.

Rey forced herself to put all of these sensations aside as she focused once more on the powerful Gray Force around her. She let its cool, comforting energy embrace her and she allowed it to pass in and around her without reservation. The soothing haze pushed back the shadows of the Dark and eased the pain of the Light within her. Master Obi-Wan had told her that the Child of the Light would help her. As Rey felt her mind clear and her senses open up to the Force around her, she knew immediately whom it was that he had meant.

Ben? she called, reaching into the Force with a sure, confident hand. He immediately flooded back into her senses, his heavy emotions filling the empty spaces that Rey had cleared in her mind for him. He was worried and confused and searching desperately for answers, just like she was. However, Rey kept her newly found answers closely guarded, knowing that he was not yet ready to hear them. Ben, I need your help.

She felt Ben’s sudden surprise at this. He was just as unused to hearing Rey ask for help as she was in asking for it. What is it? he asked, his tone somewhat guarded.

Meditate with me, she instructed, funneling the power of the Gray Force through their connection. Ben gasped as the hazy Force filled his mind. It embraced him in the same loving way that it embraced Rey, and it soothed his turbulent emotions. Come, Child of the Light, it called to him. Come. We are ready for you.

Rey didn’t know if Ben could hear the voices the way that she could - they seemed to reverberate through the ancient stone around her, ringing in her ears and humming in her bones. Generations of dead Jedi calling out to her and Ben, urging them down a path towards some destiny that neither of them could quite comprehend just yet. Yes, come. It is time. Your path lies before you. It is time for you to take your first steps …

Rey felt Ben’s chest rise and fall in exact time with her own as the two slowly became one. He was feeling out the smooth edges of her new burgundy Force signature with silent amazement. What’s happened to you? he asked hesitantly. Rey ignored the question and instead reached out with her newfound power, letting her dark, chocolaty Force signature meld against his soft green one. Something deep in her chest stirred at the welcoming sensation that she felt flood through her mind. It felt almost as sweet as that soft kiss that Ben had put in the palm of her hand the night that she had abandoned him on D’Qar.

Ben’s Force signature flared and Rey felt the Light within her chest mimicking the sensation. The young child in the back of Rey’s mind flinched as the shadows around her flickered. There was nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. She was alone and about to be burned alive by the Light and there was nothing that she could do about it. She clawed desperately at the shadows, willing them to wrap themselves around her and keep her safe. Please. Don’t go. Don’t leave me.

There was a shifting in the darkness around her and suddenly she was very aware of the fact that she was not alone. A sniffle rang out through the silence and the young girl let out a tiny whimper of fear. Who’s there? she whispered into the shadows, her voice ragged.

Hello? a small voice answered back. Is someone there? I can’t see. It’s too dark. Where are you?

The young girl didn’t want to answer. She was afraid of being found. She had to hide. But she was so scared, so alone and afraid. She knew that she couldn’t fight off this Light on her own. She was desperate. She reached out into the shadows until her fingertips brushed against something warm and alive. A young boy’s face formed through the dimness of the shadows - he had long, curling dark hair and large ears that he hadn’t grown into quite yet. His dark eyes were wide with fear as he grasped onto the young girl’s hand.

What are you doing here? he asked her. Why are you hiding in the dark all alone?

I’m scared, she replied, her voice nothing more than a small squeak in the darkness.

You don’t have to be scared anymore, the boy said, his voice filled with a bravado that belied his shaking hands. I’ll get you out of here.

No! the girl cried, trembling against him. I can’t! I don’t want to leave. It’s safe here. I … I have to stay hidden.

Why?

I’m … afraid, she gasped desperately. The Light hurts me. She wrapped her thin arms around herself, feeling the many deep, bloody wounds that marred her skin. If she went out into the Light, then everyone would be able to see her bleeding. She didn’t want them to see. She didn’t want him to see.

Rey. His arms reached for her and they were not the thin, gangly arms of a young boy but the strong, warm arms of a man. Don’t be afraid, love. I’m here. I won’t leave you, I promise.

Rey fell into Ben, feeling her blood leaking out of her and staining his clothes. I can’t, she sighed desperately. Ben, help me …

She felt herself collapse into him as he lifted her up into his arms, her legs circling his hips and her arms around his neck as he easily supported her full weight. One step at a time, he murmured against her shoulder. It’s as easy as that. I know it hurts, but it will all be over soon. I promise. Look, Rey - can you see the Light?

She screwed her eyes shut and shook her head against his neck, afraid to look.

Open your eyes, Rey, he whispered. It’s okay.

Rey felt a warmth soaking deep into her skin and she cracked her eyes open, looking down at her broken and bloody hands. The wounds that marred her skin were slowly closing up, healing themselves in the warm glow of the Light that surrounded them. She felt something deep within her mending, too.

She looked down at Ben, her hazel eyes wide with surprise as the heat around her flared, but did not burn her skin. He was smiling at her the way that she liked, but his eyes were sad. Thank you, she told him, not sure what else to say. I missed you. And then she was kissing him, unable to stifle the insatiable feeling of happiness that seemed to flow in and around her as the two of them basked in the rays of Light streaming around them.

Rey wanted to stay in this moment forever, but suddenly the image before her abruptly shifted. The Light around her blazed and then she was alone again, straining her eyes to make out any sensible images through the burning glow. Ben? she called. Where are you?

A tiny, terrified sob sounded at her feet and it took Rey a moment to realize what she was looking at as she glanced down to its source. It was the same young Ben that had accompanied her in the shadows of her own mind, but here in his mind he was shriveled and broken, his skin cracked and bleeding from where the Light had scarred it beyond recognition.

Help me, he begged desperately, his voice a terrified gasp. Make it stop, Rey. It burns.

Rey immediately dropped to her knees, cradling his marred face in her hands as gently as she could. He winced at the merest touch, every inch of his skin burned and red and sore. Oh, Ben, Rey sighed as she did her best to find a way to hold him without causing pain. Why have you let yourself waste away like this? What have you done?

I had to, he sobbed, tears streaming over the burn marks on his face. Mother and Father and Uncle Luke told me to. They said it was for the best. They said this was what I was supposed to do. I have to stay here.

Come with me, Rey whispered gently, grabbing at his robes and dragging him into her arms. You don’t have to stay here any longer. It’s okay - I’ll come with you.

No! he cried. I can’t leave! The shadows scare me. They’re … they’re too powerful. They’ll eat me up. Master Luke said to stay here, where it’s safe …

Rey hushed him and brushed her lips gently against his cracked and bleeding skin. Hush, now, she whispered gently. It’s okay. I’ll make all of this pain go away. Wouldn’t you like that? Let me help you, Ben. I don’t want to see you suffer any more.

The terrified little boy cried with fear, but he allowed her to carry him away from the burning rays of the Light and towards the soothing cool of the Dark. Rey watched in amazement as his skin began to heal itself together in the same way that hers had. Suddenly it wasn’t a child that she carried in her arms, but a man that she supported with the strength of her shoulders.

Rey, he cried, whipping around and catching her face in his hands. She watched as the last of the burn scars on his face faded away into pure, unblemished skin. She felt a tear roll down her cheek as the two of them stood there in the misty gray haze between the Light and the Dark. How did you do that? he was asking, his eyes wide as he stared down at her in wonder.

It wasn’t me, Rey replied, giving him a weak smile. It was both of us. We both had to let go. I needed your help finding my way out of the Dark, and you needed help letting go of the Light.

But what does this mean? he asked. Am I still a Jedi? Can I still use the Light side of the Force? And what about you? Where are you?

His questions faded away into silence as each of them felt the strange, coursing energy of the Gray Force suddenly surround them. Ben’s eyes opened even wider in fear and surprise. What’s happening? he asked.

Don’t be afraid, Rey whispered, leaning forward to press her lips gently against his cheek. I feel it, too.

Then, Ben was gone - drowned out by the thick fog that surrounded them. The Gray Force hugged Rey in a loving, tender embrace and she sighed into it contentedly. She hadn’t wanted to release her hold on Ben, but this sensation was so comfortably welcoming that she gave into it easily. She could still feel the Dark and Light warring within her, but she was somehow at peace in the midst of it all. She knew that she no longer had to hide from the Light or fear it. She didn’t have to run from her flaws and weaknesses. Ben would always be there, to guide her back to the Light. And she would be there to calm and soothe him when the Light burned too bright for him to handle. Together, they had brought balance to the pain within each other.

Rey suddenly startled back to her physical body, feeling the ache in her back from sitting in one place for too long and the freezing stone like ice beneath her body. She shivered as she ran her eyes desperately around the meditation cavern, knowing that she was completely alone. No Master Obi-Wan. No Luke Skywalker. No Ben Solo.

“Is this the way it’s supposed to be?” she cried desperately, her voice echoing off of the stone walls as she called out to no one in particular. “Was it always coming to this?” For in that moment, she realized that it wasn’t just about her becoming a Gray Jedi. How could it be? The Gray Force was all about balancing between the Light and Dark - a task that no reasonable Force user bound by a flesh, human body could accomplish completely alone. It was always meant to be the two of them. The Light balancing the Dark. Two impossible forces of nature coming together to become one. Rey Kenobi and Ben Solo. The only two Gray Jedi in the entire galaxy.

Chapter Text

Rey decided to spend that night in the meditation caverns. The thick wool blankets from the TIE fighter made a comforting barrier between her bare skin and the freezing stone that she slept on, and the Gray Force hummed around her consciousness - singing in her mind and lulling her into a soft and peaceful sleep.

Her thoughts remained open to Ben, for she found that even in unconsciousness she was able to easily control their connection with the help of the Gray Force. However, there was some strange interference that blocked their connection from Ben’s side and inhibited Rey from reaching out to him fully in sleep. Rey couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but she recognized the influence of the Gray Force. Even as she used its misty haze to reach forward for Ben, there was an opposing force making his thoughts blurry and impossible to decipher. Rey couldn’t shake the feeling that she wasn’t alone - that he wasn’t alone.

She could feel the shadows surrounding him - the shadows that she had put there - but she was no longer afraid of their influence. These were not the hungry, devouring shadows that she had spent her entire life fighting against and hiding herself in. It was still an extension of the Dark side of the Force, she had no doubt about that, but they were controlled with a precision that Rey had not expected Ben to possess. She realized with a sinking feeling that he was learning about the Dark Force, just as she was learning about the Light. The sinking feeling solidified in the pit of her stomach and Rey realized with a start that she was concerned - worried, even - about Ben.

She was only able to pick up on vague whispers through the fog. Rey could sense Ben’s confusion and unease as the powerful Gray Force reached out to him, though it was unable to fully encompass him. There was something about where he was - was it still D’Qar? - that kept the Gray Force at bay. It struggled to find a foothold as it flowed from the power in the stones of the meditation cavern, through Rey, and into Ben’s mind.

There was a tugging through the Force Bond that pulled against something in Rey’s chest and she heard Ben calling her name. She felt the sensation of worn fabric as it brushed across his face and a familiar scent filled her nose. Rey moaned in her sleep and pressed her face against her own scratchy wool blankets, desperately missing the old cape that she knew Ben was holding in his hands at this very moment. Rey was filled with a sense of longing that she knew stretched beyond her sentiment for the old garment.

The rest of her dreams were covered in a thick gray mist as Rey contemplated what was to come next. She wished that she could tell Ben where she was, to let him come and find her, but something within her was telling her that it was not yet time for that. She wasn’t sure if it was the Gray Force, some higher knowledge, or her own fear that made her hesitate, but she knew that she was not yet ready to face Ben Solo.

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The next day Rey awoke and immediately pulled herself up into a meditative position. Master Obi-Wan was waiting for her, appearing on the meditation slab across from her just as he had done the day before. Well done, he told her with a smile. Very well done, my child. You have proven your considerable strength.

And what of Ben Solo? Rey asked, unable to keep the words from jumping to the forefront of her thoughts. He … disappeared. I sense the Darkness growing around him.

Master Obi-Wan nodded thoughtfully. Just as the Light now shines around you, Young One, he reminded her.

Rey sat in silence for a moment, processing this. It was clear that the two of them were somehow tied together in this - it was only a matter of time before she would be forced to reunite with him. Rey felt a bitter taste creep into her mouth as she contemplated this. She had been so careful - she had left him in a safe place where he would easily be found by allies, cut off all ties with him, and flown far, far away to a place where he would not be able to find her. She had done everything she could to put Ben Solo behind her. And now, it seemed, it had all been for nothing. She had broken his heart and abandoned him just because she was a blind, ignorant fool.

When? she finally asked, her jaw locking with the finality of what she knew was to come.

That’s reliant upon the both of you, Master Obi-Wan responded, immediately understanding her vague question. You must first each master the Light and Dark, respectively. Then you will be reunited to learn the ways of the Gray.

How will he find his way? Rey asked.

He has a new Master as well, Obi-Wan explained. A powerful Jedi who knows the full expanse of the Darkness - even more than you, my dear. He will lead Ben here to Ahch-To when he is ready. When you are both ready.

Rey took a shaky breath into her lungs, allowing the strength of the Gray Force to fill her and ease some of her anxieties. She wondered if she would ever be ready. She felt Obi-Wan reaching into her mind, bathing her thoughts in a warm glow. For the first time in her life, Rey didn’t flinch away from the light. Show me, Master, she muttered, her thoughts trembling as she reached into the Light.

A funnel of Light Force was bleeding down through the hole in the ceiling where the first rays of the morning sun shone down and illuminated the dark meditation cave. Rey grasped it in her mind, hissing as the Light immediately began to burn against her strong grip.

Easy, now, Master Obi-Wan warned her. The Light does not need to be forced into your command as the Dark does. You’re no longer grasping at shadows. Let the Light wash over you - it will do your bidding if you wish it.

Rey slackened her grip, her teeth gritting together as she struggled to contain this new power. The Light did not immediately bow to her will - she could feel it hesitating and fluctuating around the shadows that still lingered in the back of her mind after years of life with the Dark. Do not be discouraged, Master Obi-Wan whispered into her thoughts. Let go of the Darkness, my child.

Rey took a deep breath, feeling the cool air of the underground cavern bite at her lungs. She held her breath, feeling the shadows swirling within her, unwilling to bow to the Light. She exhaled, pushing the Dark from her body. It clawed at her insides, desperate to take her with it, but she fought through the pain. The next breath she took was filled with warmth and sunshine. The Light filled her with a golden, melting feeling that she could sense all the way down in her toes. She sighed contentedly despite herself, taking in all of the emotions that the Light had to give her. She felt whole and satisfied, but at the same time raw and exposed. She couldn’t quite decide if it was pleasurable or not.

Good, Master Obi-Wan muttered, his voice strengthening as the Light within her burned brighter. Very good, my dear. Do not be afraid. You no longer have a reason to hide from or fight against it. Let the Light fill you.

Rey’s skin itched uncomfortably and she fought the urge to fidget against the stone slab beneath her. She was still reluctant to open herself up to the Light, but she continued to stretch her mind open, forcing deep, calming breaths into her chest. She felt a familiar nudge at the back of her thoughts and she saw an image of herself in her mind’s eye as she felt Ben’s curious gaze. Her skin was glowing as if she held the rays of a newborn sun within her very body. Her Force signature flared around her, creating a burning red halo around her head, and she could feel her own awe match Ben’s as they took in this strange sight together.

Rey. So beautiful. My love …

Rey started as his disjointed thoughts rang in her ears and she was thrown immediately back into her own mind. She felt herself pulling away from Ben on instinct, unwilling to accept his soft words. Why do you retreat from these feelings? Master Obi-Wan asked, his voice soft so as not to disturb her further.

Rey didn’t exactly know how to answer. She had spent her entire life pushing away all feelings other than anger and pain. The truth was that she didn’t know what to do with any other emotions. Part of the accepting the Light lies in accepting your own emotions, Master Obi-Wan explained.

I thought that the Jedi were not swayed by emotions and feelings, Rey responded, unable to hide the tone of spite that crept into her voice.

They cloud the judgement, Master Obi-Wan agreed with a conciliatory nod, that is true. But a Jedi trained in the Light side of the Force should still be able to accept and understand their emotions and the reasons behind them. In that way, feelings can be used to find a deeper meaning. One that Dark Force users could never hope to understand. By pushing away your feelings, you risk pushing away a higher truth.

Rey felt herself hesitating as the gnawing sensation of Ben crept up once more in the back of her mind. Rey, please … His voice was nothing more than a whisper, but Rey found herself struggling to retain her focus on Obi-Wan and the lesson at hand. What if I don’t want to find a deeper meaning? Rey asked.

Master Obi-wan smiled as he gently said, Do not be afraid, Young One. I believe your partner has another lesson to teach you now. Fill yourself with the Light and go to him. Our lesson for the day is complete.

Rey’s mind protested as Master Obi-Wan once more faded from her thoughts. If Rey had been her old self, she would have been seeing red in anger at the fact that Master Obi-Wan kept abandoning her to these silly exercises with Ben Solo. But as it was, Rey calmed herself with the feel of the Gray Force around her, reaching forward once more to the Light that shone down from above. This time the Light Force hesitated for only a moment before filling her with its warm glow. She wrapped herself in its embrace, the irritated itch in her skin melting into a comforting tingling sensation.

Rey. Ben was suddenly a completely solid presence in her mind, his voice strong and sure. He marveled at her control over the Light side of the Force, unsure what to say or do as she sparkled before him. They stood like mirror opposites of one another - Rey bathed in light and Ben shrouded in shadows. Rey found that she no longer feared the Darkness surrounding Ben. It called to her with its familiar alluring song, but it didn’t claw and slash at either of them as it prowled around them. Instead of a rabid, uncontrollable beast it had been tamed into a strong, loyal companion.

Ben’s fingers trailed over Rey’s bare shoulders, neck, and face as the Light within her reflected in his dark eyes. Rey felt the shadows within him pulling at her and she wanted to sink into the depths of the Darkness with him. Her eyes closed despite themselves and Rey followed her Master’s commands as she slowly opened herself up to the emotions that spilled unbidden out of her chest. She felt as if she was drowning, but Ben’s hands remained on her skin, anchoring her in the moment.

I’m coming for you, Ben murmured, his deep voice vibrating in the shadows around him. Soon. I’ll find you.

Rey didn’t resist him as she felt the last of the barriers in her mind crumbling down. Ahch-To, she told him simply, the map in her mind clear and vivid. I’m on Ahch-To.

Rey felt strangely detached as she forced herself to focus on the many swirling feelings that were filling her insides. She was reminded of all the times that she had felt the same feelings rushing through Ben. She had always thought him weak and ridiculous for letting himself be so easily controlled by his emotions, but she finally understood why he did it. She was filled with pain and confusion, but also a joy that she had never experienced before in her life. It was a sensation that she didn’t have a name for, but she felt it waiting for her on the tip of her tongue, eager to finally be released.

Ben’s lips were brushing against her skin and the cool shadows around him danced against her. She gasped and felt her glow melting into him, too. Ben, she sighed, knowing she was close - so close - to some kind of revelation. Whatever lesson Master Obi-Wan had wanted her to learn from this encounter was right there, waiting for her to reach out and grab it. Kiss me.

The pressure of his mouth was soft but insistent as his large hands folded around her face and drowned her in their warmth. His teeth grazed against Rey’s bottom lip and she shivered with want, pulling him closer. He pulled away just far enough so that he could whisper against her mouth, Don’t cry, my love. His thumb brushed against her wet cheeks and Rey’s brow furrowed as she looked up at him, not even realizing that tears had begun streaming from her eyes.

Ben, I … Words completely escaped her as Rey felt herself grasping upon the knowledge that Master Obi-Wan had wanted her to find. I think I’m in love with you … she finally stuttered, her brow furrowing still further as she realized the truth of this statement. She had blinded herself from her feelings for so long, hiding from the truth. Now, as she felt the Light spark within her, she wondered over how she had been so oblivious for so long. She loved Ben Solo. She had loved him since she was a child, when she didn’t even know what love meant. She had loved him her entire life with a crushing inevitability that seemed almost impossible.

Ben was watching her confused expression with a bemused smile. I know, he said simply, as if he truly had known all along. Had he? Had he been in on some secret this entire time that Rey had been blind to? Rey shook her head at him, annoyed at his simple answer. She stretched her body to its full height, connecting her mouth once more with his. The complicated mix of emotions that swirled in her chest warred between insane happiness and terrifying fear. She understood now why the Jedi avoided the emotions that could so easily cloud their judgment. Everything was different, now. But Rey couldn’t bring herself to care, because in this moment she had Ben - all of Ben - and she felt safe in the knowledge that he was coming for her and that they would be together again soon.

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When Rey finally forced herself away from her frivolous daydreams with Ben, the light shining down from the hole in the ceiling above her head had strengthened as Ahch-To’s sun hung high in the midday sky. She stretched from her meditative position, her skin still buzzing from the contact that she had felt in her mind. Ben’s touch had seemed so real, but she found herself still longing for the real thing.

She collected the belongings that she had brought with her into the meditation cavern for the night and slowly made her way back up the worn stone path that led to the open air of her island. The closer that she got to the surface, the more Rey could feel the powerful Light Force that seemed to hug this planet. However, it no longer repelled away from her, but brushed along her skin with warm, inviting fingers.

The Force hummed and she turned her face to the north, where a thin blue veil hung on the horizon. She felt Luke’s Force signature like a solid thing, and she tugged gently against it. It was the only warning that she would allow him. Rey left her supplies on her island, knowing that she would be returning as soon as possible to anxiously await Ben’s arrival. She felt a strange sinking feeling as she powered up her TIE fighter and prepared to take off into the skies of Ahch-To. She realized that she felt as if she was leaving her home. Rey had only been on this island for four days, but already she was thinking of it as a place where she belonged - a place that she could return to. The sensation was new, but not entirely terrible.

Even though Luke’s hideout was on the opposite side of the small ocean planet, Rey was only in the sky for a few minutes as she sailed quickly across the rolling blue waves and rocky green crags. She touched down on Luke’s island just as easily as she had landed on her own, though this island was significantly more mountainous than her own. Rey sighed in annoyance as she looked up at the winding old pathway that she knew she would have to traverse in order to reach him. Of course Luke Skywalker had picked the highest, most inconvenient point on the island to build his home.

Rey took her time ascending the large mountain, allowing herself to take in her surroundings. This place had the same feeling as her own island - as if many generations of people had lived and died here. She imagined that it had some significance to the old Jedi, though the powerful Gray Force that vibrated from the caverns beneath her own island was nowhere to be found here. If it was possible, the Light Force seemed even stronger here - drowning out everything else. Rey knew that if she had not taken the time to train with master Obi-Wan, she would not have been able to travel to Luke’s island alone. She doubted that she would even have been able to land her ship safely without being completely blinded in the process.

She felt as though she was being watched as she trudged slowly closer to Luke’s blazing blue Force signature. Rey knew that he had sensed her arrival and was waiting patiently for her to find him. His old lightsaber still hung from her leather belt, but it seemed strangely silent. Rey had expected it to be pushing her forward, eager to get back to its Master, but instead it simply hummed quietly alongside her hip.

She was panting when she finally reached the summit and her gaze was immediately drawn to the lone figure before her. His back was to her and he didn’t even acknowledge her approach as she shuffled forward, taking deep breaths to try and still her beating heart. “Hello, Master,” she called, her voice carrying along the strong wind. “We meet again at last.”

He turned toward her slowly, and Rey wondered if it was out of resignation or fear. He lowered his hood slowly, his blue eyes locked on her the entire time. She couldn’t help but notice the way that his beard had grown scraggly and unkempt over the years, and a whole new set of wrinkles lined his face. “You’ve finally come,” he muttered, his voice no more than a whisper. Rey felt his words more than she heard them as she finally faced off against her lifelong nemesis.

“I hope I haven’t kept you waiting for too long,” she called back with an evil smirk.

“So tell me, Rey …” His voice was remarkably calm and that made Rey furious. She wanted him to fear her. She wanted to look into his eyes and know that he finally understood and respected her power. “Are you finally here to kill me?”

Chapter Text

Rey snatched the blue lightsaber off of her belt, trying to ignore the way that it fit so easily into her hand now, and thrust it out towards the old man. She wanted to toss it at his feet, but she discovered that she didn’t quite have the strength to be so unceremonious with the weapon that she had grown somewhat attached to despite herself. Rey did, however, manage a menacing glare as she stared down at her old Jedi master and dared him to make the first move.

Luke Skywalker complied, as he always did, asking, “Now where did you find that old thing?”

“Long story,” Rey grumbled, unwilling to give him any meaningful answers.

“So is this how it is to happen?” Luke asked, lowering his head slightly. “Are you going to kill me with my own weapon?”

Rey felt her fingers brush along the familiar ridges of the blue lightsaber. Her thumb hovered over the activation trigger as her mind imagined how the scenario would go. The pale blue blade would erupt with a hiss of energy, she would use the Light Force that hung like a heavy cloak around her and push herself through the air, coming down on Luke in one arcing motion as the blade - his weapon - sliced deftly through the thick layers of skin, muscle, and bone that connected his head to his shoulders. Luke Skywalker would lay in pieces at her feet and her mission would finally, finally be complete.

The last Jedi would be dead and Rey would finally be able to move on with her life. Years spent dreaming of her dark childhood and being filled with hate and resentment would finally be behind her. But even as Rey felt the rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins, pushing her forward towards her final goal, she knew that she couldn’t do it. What would killing Luke Skywalker accomplish now, anyway? He wasn’t the last Jedi, after all. Not anymore.

“I’m not going to kill you,” Rey growled irritably, her voice no more than a whisper. It was a miracle that Luke had been able to hear her, considering how the strong ocean wind snatched her words from her lips and tossed them into the air as if trying to take back her own admission. Rey felt a small swell of satisfaction rush through her as she watched Luke’s bright blue eyes widen in surprise. He really had expected her to kill him.

Rey could feel the Force shifting around her as Luke reached out with his senses and began to survey his long-lost Padawan. She could feel him marveling at the Light Force that lazed easily around her and made her skin shine. She allowed him only a moment of wonder before she reached deep, deep within herself where the remnants of the shadows still lurked. She made sure that Luke saw them and understood that she still remained connected to the Dark Side.

“Rey, what have you done?” Luke asked, his shocked expression falling into one of stiff disapproval.

Rey couldn’t help but be sickly amused by her old Master’s disapproval - she had always enjoyed letting him down. She took a deep breath, pooling the Force around her - both Light and Dark - and pushed his prying Force signature violently away. “I walk a new path, now,” she told him simply, relishing in the sparking energy that now surrounded her.

“An impossible path,” Luke mused quietly as he watched her, his expression warring between wonder and deep concern. “A path far more dangerous than that of the Dark Side.”

Rey grimaced at him as her mind flooded with the reminiscent power of the Dark. What did Luke Skywalker know of such things? “I simply came to return your lightsaber and to warn you to stay away,” Rey told him. “I plan to stay here on Ahch-To to finish my training and I do not wish to be disturbed.”

“Training?” Luke asked, his voice thick with scorn. “Rey, you have no idea what you’re doing!”

“Yes I do!” Rey retorted despite herself, immediately frustrated by the fact that she sounded like a petulant child. “I have a new Master now who has taught me much about the Force. He is kind and wise and far more powerful than you ever were.”

“New Master?” Luke repeated, his eyes narrowing with suspicion. “That’s impossible.”

“So you keep saying,” Rey muttered, raising an eyebrow in sarcasm.

“That’s because it is!” Luke growled defiantly. “What you speak of … it is nothing more than a myth. An ancient story from long ago, half-forgotten over time. This new Master you’ve found, whoever he is, is lying to you.”

“Did Obi-Wan Kenobi every lie to you?” Rey asked. She tried not to let out a snort of ridiculous laughter as Luke’s entire body jolted and then froze as if he had been electrified by her words. He wasn’t even looking at her any longer - he was simply staring wide-eyed at the ground as he tried to make sense of the bombshell that Rey had just dropped on him.

“Yes, actually,” he finally sighed, though the look of fear and confusion was still blatantly apparent on his face. “He did, once …”

Rey didn’t quite grasp the meaning of this, so she brushed it off and continued, “He is the one who led me here. He wanted me to come here to train.”

“How …?” Luke’s barely-formed question hung in the air and then disappeared as he glanced up at the lightsaber hilt that Rey still held in her hand. Rey could sense the Force vibrating erratically around him as he desperately tried to puzzle out all of the information that she had provided him with. “But it’s still impossible,” he muttered under his breath, as if to himself. “It’s a myth, nothing more. Besides, there were always meant to be two …”

Rey smiled despite herself as Luke’s gaze snapped up and immediately locked onto hers. She watched the realization dawning over him in waves as he slowly began to understand. “No,” he whispered, shaking his head vehemently from side to side. “No. Surely even you can see that this is impossible, Rey. Not Ben. He is my Apprentice. He … he can’t …”

Rey stepped forward and reached out with the Force, inviting her old Master to once again sense her power and the control that she held over both the Light and the Dark. She effortlessly called forward the Force Bond, and though Ben’s Force signature was hazy in her mind, she felt its powerful pull as it connected her mind clearly to his. Luke’s eyes were the size of saucers as he stared at her, seeing the bond clearly through the Force.

“Take your lightsaber,” Rey commanded, her voice level and calm as she felt her own power swirling around her. “Stay far out of our way, and we won’t have any trouble. Interfere, and I may just decide to kill you after all.”

“Rey, you don’t know what you’re doing,” Luke muttered, stepping forward in an attempt to close the large gap that still hung between them. “Please, let me help you. Or at least … oversee your training. This is dangerous, what you’re doing. I don’t want to see Ben hurt. I don’t want to see you hurt either, despite all that we’ve been through.”

Rey took another step forward to match him, once more thrusting the lightsaber hilt at the old man. “Take the lightsaber,” she growled through her teeth, her tone as cold and impenetrable as ice. “And do not seek me out if you value your life.”

Luke’s brow furrowed as he saw the look of solid determination that Rey faced him with. He was shaking his head slightly and his eyes looked misty and sad as he turned slowly away from her. “Keep it,” he finally muttered over his shoulder. “It’s obvious that it’s meant to be yours now. That lightsaber has been passed down through many generations of both my family and yours. Use it well and wisely.”

Rey stared at his back in shock, unsure of what to say as she watched his shoulders sink in resigned defeat. This encounter had not gone at all the way that she had imagined it would. She watched Luke with suspicion as she tucked the lightsaber hilt back into her leather belt, enjoying its now-familiar weight as it returned to her hip. “Fine,” she muttered, turning her own back so that she could make her way back the way she had come.

“Rey.” The sound of her name slowed her steps but she did not turn around to look at him again as she continued her way down the steep mountain path. “Tell Ben … Would you ask him to come and visit me? Once your training is done?”

Rey felt her jaw lock as her mouth turned down in a grimace. She gave a single, small nod, knowing that Luke would not see it, and continued back to her TIE fighter. She was eager to get back to her own island and all of the promise that waited for her there.

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Two more days passed on the island before Ben finally arrived. Rey spent her days meditating and training with Master Obi-Wan. She was becoming quite adept at handling the Light Force that was so readily abundant in this place. She still practiced with the Dark, too - even though it was far less apparent. However, as Rey’s power grew she found that she was able to call strength up from even the smallest shadow and, when it was combined with the glow of the Light, it somehow became even more powerful.

Rey’s nights were spent with Ben through the Force Bond - sometimes they would use their connection to practice balancing the Light and Dark, a task that was always easiest when they worked together, but on other nights they would simply revel in each other’s company, longing for the day when their embraces would be real instead of imagined. The Force Bond strengthened with each lightyear that Ben traveled closer to her, and the sense of anticipation that built between the two of them threatened to explode, destroying them both in the process.

It was early evening when he finally reached Ahch-To. The sun had set but there was still a glow along the wester horizon, reflecting off of the waves of the ocean and drowning out the glow of the stars. Rey was meditating near the entrance to the meditation caves, drawing on the strength of the Gray Force that seeped up from the ground below while at the same time reveling in the simple sensation of the rough sea breeze as it whipped around her. She had tied her hair up in a single, large bun at the back of her head, but the strong wind had wrought its damage and a cloud of loose tendrils surrounded her face like a halo.

When Ben’s ship broke through the atmosphere high up above Rey felt it in her bones like an earthquake. A shiver ran down her spine that had nothing to do with the cool breeze that tickled the back of her neck. She stood quickly, her movements mechanic as her body seemed to move of its own accord. Her heart hammered in her chest as she felt her mind swell with his presence.

Rey. I’m here. I’m coming. Rey. His thoughts were racing ahead of him just as hers were.

Here. I’m here. Oh, Ben. Please hurry. Come to me. I’m here.

She could hear the roar of his ship’s engines ringing out through the silent sky above her as he drew closer. Rey wandered along her island, heading for the flat area where her own TIE fighter was parked. She kept close to the coastline as she went, her boots splashing through the tide as it slowly worked its way back up the sand and rocks in its attempt to devour as much of the island as it could before it would be forced to recede once more. Ahch-To’s moon glowed in the inky black sky in the east, its waning crescent providing a weak half-light as the last of the sun’s rays disappeared in the west.

Rey swore she could feel the reverberations in the ground as Ben’s ship finally set down upon her island. Closer, closer, come, hurry. Neither of them were sure who was thinking the words as their desperation blended together and became a single line of consciousness. Rey felt the pounding of his heart and the smack of his feet against the hard ground as he ran, his long legs sending him flying over the terrain and straight for her. She bit the inside of her cheek in an attempt to control herself, but her own pace picked up into a jog as she splashed forward through the rising tide.

When he finally rounded a large boulder and the two came into full view of one another they both froze for a moment, the Force Bond between them singing a sweet, forlorn song that made both of their hearts skip a beat. Ben was the first to begin moving again as he picked his way through the loose rocks that covered the island floor, his steps suddenly hesitant as he made his way through the darkness.

Rey waited for him, her own feet suddenly rooted to the spot. She felt the power of the ocean at her feet as it licked around her ankles and she reached out with the same energy, drawing him forward. He was still so filled with pain and anger and longing, the emotions magnified by his newly formed connection with the Dark Force. But he was also filled with love and joy and a profound sense of peace. Rey’s emotions reflected his like a mirror and as the two finally collided against one another, it truly felt like two matching pieces coming together to create a single, solitary whole.

The reunion seemed to happen in a haze as Rey drowned herself in Ben’s body and mind. His arms circled around her tiny frame and her hands clawed at his shoulders as she pulled him closer. The embrace felt as though it lasted for ages as the two individuals felt themselves solidifying into a single being - their consciousness shifting between the Force Bond as they melded together, body and soul. But then Ben’s mouth was on Rey’s neck, strong and insistent, and Rey traced her fingers through Ben’s long hair and along his scalp as her breath panted in his ear.

Where? The thought was distinctly his, and Rey immediately knew what he meant because she felt the same burning need echoing within her own body. It wasn’t as if they risked discovery by anyone on this lone, deserted island, but neither of them were particularly eager to do this here, where sharp pebbles littered the rough, sandy terrain.

This way, Rey commanded, taking his large hand in hers and spinning on her heel. She dragged him back the way she had come, towards the meditation caverns where she had been spending her nights. Ben was grinning like an idiot behind her and Rey let out a short, girlish giggle that sounded strange to her own ears. Their progress towards the cavern entrance was slow as they stumbled through the dark together, neither of them particularly aware of their surroundings as they bumped against one another like two love struck teenagers.

They had only managed to make it a few steps into the dark shadows of the cave when Ben suddenly tugged against Rey’s hand, forcing her backwards. She stumbled ungracefully as she turned to face him and his large hands groped for her in the darkness. Rey swore she saw lights flash in the utter darkness of the cave as his mouth found her neck, then her jaw, then her cheek as he searched desperately for her lips. Rey’s loud sigh echoed off of the rocks around them as she twisted her head towards him, her own mouth just as hungry as his.

The force of his kiss pushed Rey back against the stone wall and she gasped against his lips as the cold stone immediately froze her bare shoulders and seeped through her clothes. She grabbed at his robes, her hands sliding around his middle and pressing against his back as she forced him closer to her. His body was just as hot as the stone wall was cold and the differing sensations sent something sparking through Rey’s body.

She forced her tongue into Ben’s mouth with abandon and he accepted it gladly, his own tongue rising to meet hers. His fingers were tangled in the disheveled hair behind her head and Rey tried not to laugh as she caught a glimpse of the thoughts running through the back of Ben’s mind. He was marveling over how the tiny, fierce little girl that he had first met at Luke’s Jedi Academy so many years ago could have turned into this gorgeous, enticing woman that he was giving himself to now. Rey hummed with delight against his mouth as she gently pushed him away.

“Come on,” she whispered breathlessly into the pitch-black. “It’s this way.” The darkness within the cave was complete and since neither of them was particularly calm or focused on the Force, their progress was awkward to say the least. Ben was constantly at her back, pressing his warmth into her as Rey fought to keep her wits and feel her way through the darkness. “You’re making this very difficult,” she growled, but her tenacity was immediately diminished by the laugh the bubbled up from her chest.

Ben gave a small growl of his own as he leaned down and buried his nose against Rey’s collarbone. His arms snaked around her stomach and Rey found her progress once again halted as she pressed back against his solid warmth and scratched her nails against the skin of his neck. They continued down the passageway like this for what seemed like an eternity before the large meditation cavern finally opened up before them. The half moon outside did little to help illuminate the room, but Rey could just make out the dark shapes of the meditation slabs and the lustful glint in Ben’s dark eyes.

“What is this place?” Ben whispered as his hands roamed seductively along Rey’s sides. Her shirt rode up over her stomach and as his fingers brushed against her exposed skin she shivered.

You can explore tomorrow, Rey promised as she turned and kissed him again. Right now I need you.

The thought made Ben groan as it entered his head and Rey smiled as she kissed him again and pushed his Jedi robes roughly off of his broad shoulders. The two were all hands and mouths as they awkwardly came together in the quiet peace of the meditation caves that night. Ben was the perfect balance of gentle and rough as the two explored and memorized each other’s thoughts and bodies. Neither could believe that they had gone their entire lives without experiencing this complete sense of joy and satisfaction with one another, and when they finally both collapsed in exhaustion, there was nothing except a singing sensation of bliss and the whispers of the Gray Force as it surrounded them.

Children of the Gray. Reunited at last. Finally complete. Well done. The journey is nearly finished …

Chapter Text

The rest of the night passed restlessly as the two individuals - so used to spending their nights alone - adjusted their bodies to accommodate another person. Just as Rey would grow comfortable and begin to fall into a deep sleep, Ben’s shoulder would begin to cramp and he’d have to adjust her weight so that he could stretch his aching arm. One moment Rey would be curled around Ben’s warm, inviting body and the next moment she would be feeling stifled by his closeness and shuffle back, taking the wool blankets with her and leaving Ben cold and shivering.

Early in the morning, just before the sun began to rise up into the eastern sky of Ahch-To, Rey finally reached her breaking point and sat up, sighing with frustration as she gazed down at her bedmate. “Has anyone ever told you that you are ridiculously large?” she grumbled at him.

He grunted and shifted onto his back so that he could glare back at her. “Well if you stopped fidgeting for more than a few seconds and actually shared the blankets then I wouldn’t have to be practically on top of you in order to stay warm,” he retorted, easily matching her frustration.

Maybe it was the lack of sleep - or perhaps it was the way that her body still buzzed from the climax that she had had just a few hours prior - that made Rey bold enough to twist herself around so that her knees straddled Ben’s thighs and her elbows rested alongside his large ears. Her nose brushed along his and her hair fell like a waterfall around them as Ben blinked up at her in surprise. “You didn’t seem to be complaining earlier when you were on top of me,” she whispered seductively, grinning from ear to ear as a blush instantly colored Ben’s cheeks. She had to admit that she liked the way that she could still so easily play him like this - it reminded her of the power of the Dark and how she could harness the energy of the shadows to do her bidding and force others to bow to her will.

She laughed and rolled back onto her side, but her enjoyment was cut short as Ben followed her movement, twisting his own body so that his chest now weighed heavily upon her own. There was the slightest shift of energy around them and Rey was suddenly reminded that he now had a grip on that powerful Dark Force as well. He didn’t say or do anything, he simply pinned her to the hard ground, one of his hands tracing lazy circles against the bare skin along her ribs and his dark eyes boring into hers. It was Rey’s turn to blush as she found herself unable to hold his intense gaze.

“Alright, fine,” she finally growled, using both of her hands to push against his chest and force him off of her. Ben rolled back onto his side, a triumphant grin turning up one side of his mouth. Rey grabbed the wrist of his arm that he was using to prop his head up and forced it to lay flat in front of him. She wrapped one arm around his back as she scooted into his body heat and rested her head against his strong bicep. “How’s this?” she asked, her tone leaving little room for compromise. “I promise not to fidget if you promise not to suffocate me in my sleep.”

Ben’s broad chest vibrated against her as he laughed. “Just promise to keep your elbows to yourself. Those things are dangerous.”

“Yeah, keep talking,” Rey warned him, though her threat was ruined by the heavy yawn that swept through her entire body. “I’ll show you just how dangerous they can be.” And with that, sleep rose to claim them both in one grand, sweeping motion and they fell into peaceful unconsciousness together.

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The sun had progressed fairly far up into the sky by the time that Rey began to stir awake once more. Her head was still propped up by Ben’s muscled arm and she winced slightly, hoping that she had not cut off circulation to his fingers and caused his arm to fall asleep in the middle of the night. Something stirred in Rey’s chest as she took a moment to marvel at her own thought process. Two weeks ago it had been her mission to seek out and kill Ben Solo - and now here she was, naked body twisted around his, and feeling guilty for the fact that he might have a sore arm because of her. The strangeness of it all made Rey’s skin itch uncomfortably.

She slowly extracted herself from Ben’s limbs, doing her best not to disturb him. He sighed heavily when she pulled the blankets up in an attempt to compensate for the body heat that she had taken away with her. His brow furrowed slightly and his left hand balled into a fist as Rey noticed the pink mark spreading across his left bicep where her head had been resting.

A violent shiver racked through Rey’s body as the cold air in the cave slithered against her bare skin and sank deep into her bones. She grasped blindly at the pile of clothes that had been so recklessly abandoned the night before and came away with a large white tunic that smelled overpoweringly of Ben. She shoved it quickly over her head, without pausing to note the significance of the fact that she was now wearing his clothes. The tunic stretched down to the middle of her thigh and she had to roll up the long sleeves so that her hands could be free.

Next Rey grabbed for what she thought were her thick black pants, but the second that her fingers touched the familiar, worn fabric she knew that that was not what it was. It was her old cape - the one she had left with Ben on D’Qar. She hadn’t even noticed it last night in the dark and in her rush to remove Ben’s robes. Where had he been hiding it? She puzzled over the thought as she tossed the old, familiar garment over her shoulders and drew the hood up around her face. It was warm and comforting, but she could feel her body still longing to disappear back under the scratchy wool blankets with Ben and let his body heat soak back into her skin.

Rey stood and drew the cloak around her as she moved towards the meditation slab that she had come to know so well over the past few days. Her old cloak did a very good job at keeping out the chill of the cold stone beneath her and the sun’s rays broke through the opening in the ceiling and washed her in a warm glow. She allowed the dark hood to slip from her head down to her shoulders as she closed her eyes and basked in the welcoming heat.

Rey’s mind opened up easily in this place as she seamlessly transitioned into a meditative state, and within a few moments she was joined by her Master. He was silent as he slowly bent his mind around her own. Rey tried not to blush with embarrassment as her mind wandered over to the still-sleeping form of Ben and Master Obi-Wan followed. Finally he spoke, You’ve grown so much in just a few day’s time, my dear. You have traversed this dangerous path with remarkable strength and perseverance. I am proud to know that you are my granddaughter.

It is by your guiding hand that I am able to do so, Master, Rey replied humbly, finding it difficult to let go of the nagging presence of Ben’s unconscious body behind her.

You give me too much credit, Master Obi-Wan told her simply. You and that young man, there, are the ones who have battled through this journey together. And it is together that you will achieve greatness.

There was a stirring at the back of Rey’s mind and she fought to maintain her meditative state as Ben slowly arose into consciousness at her side. She could feel him mourning her absence as he stretched his stiff and weary limbs. His side ached where she had elbowed his ribs on accident in the night and his left arm was tingling from where she had been laying against it. His thoughts reached out to her on instinct, even before he had fully opened his eyes. Rey allowed him to graze against the surface of her mind - but no further - as they both took comfort in each other’s company.

You’re beautiful. The thought was so simple and direct, leaving no room for debate. It made Rey both uncomfortable and giddy at the same time. She could feel a blush rising to her cheeks and she felt Master Obi-Wan’s presence like a dagger in her mind..

Get over here, Rey commanded, trying and failing to keep all of her emotions out of her voice. Come meditate with me.

Rey could feel Master Obi-Wan hanging silent but expectant in her mind as Ben slowly extracted himself from the warm blankets and began to pull on his beige trousers. His bare feet were completely silent against the smooth rock floor of the cavern as he approached her. He laid his Jedi robes down along the stone directly next to Rey but she could feel him hesitating. She realized that he was asking for permission, and as the corners of her mouth twitched up in a bemused smile, she tugged at her connection with him, urging him forward.

He folded himself into a lotus position at her side, the two of them fitting on the single meditation slab as if it had been made specifically for them. His knee bumped against hers and before he began to slow his breathing and rise to her level of consciousness, he leaned over and placed a single, shy kiss against Rey’s temple. I love you.

I know. Rey gave another tug on the Force Bond, urging him to calm his breathing and open his mind. Ben followed her will obediently and the Force Bond between them slowly began to solidify.

Rey, open your eyes. This command came from Master Obi-Wan, and Rey obeyed without hesitation. He was sitting before her as he had done so many times before, his kind eyes shining in the morning sunlight. Rey wondered if Ben could see and hear him now that he was in this ancient, magical place with her.

However, she didn’t get a chance to search Ben’s mind as there was a sudden rippling in the Force, and the meditation slab next to Master Obi-Wan seemed to darken as a mass of shadows began to form there. Rey watched the progression with wide-eyed shock as a second being began to form before her eyes. He was taller than Master Obi-Wan, and younger, too. He had long hair like Ben’s and deep, sad eyes.

Who …? Rey realized that the thought had been both hers and Ben’s as they each stared at the two glowing blue Force ghosts in surprise. Rey slid her eyes to her companion and their gaze connected for a moment as they realized that they were seeing each other’s guiding spirits for the first time.

I believe that introductions are in order, Master Obi-Wan said, breaking the shocked silence that had fallen between the four of them. My name is Obi Wan Kenobi, and this is Anakin Skywalker.

At first Rey was unable to place the familiar-sounding name, but in the span of just a few seconds, realization dawned over her and she had to fight to keep her jaw from dropping open in shock. The man before her was Anakin Skywalker, but she had always known him better as Darth Vader. He was Luke’s father and Ben’s grandfather - but more than that, he was a dangerous and powerful Sith Lord who, at one time, ruled much of the galaxy with his iron fist. This had been Ben’s new Master? The thought made her stomach clench uncomfortably.

It’s nice to finally meet you, Rey, Anakin told her with a slight nod. I’ve heard much about you.

Rey wasn’t exactly sure what to say to that. The strangeness of this entire situation was suddenly pressing down on her thoughts and she found that she was having a hard time focusing as Obi-Wan began to speak once more. We have brought you this far, Children of the Gray, but there is little more that we can do for you now. Anakin and I are not Gray Jedi, after all. We are not trained in their ways. The rest of your training must be completed together, here in the Gray Jedi catacombs. You must find your answers in the guiding spirits of the Gray Force and rebuild what the centuries have wiped from history.

What of the rest of the galaxy? Ben asked. There is a war raging out there. As much as I’d like to think otherwise, I know that we can’t stay apart from it for long. Tensions are building and many lives are at stake.

Training comes first, Master Obi-Wan responded calmly. Your place in the fight will come later. It would be senseless to rush in unprepared.

You still have a great part to play in this, Anakin added. But you must both be strong and ready to fight before then. Two fully trained Gray Jedi could do much to turn the tides of war.

Will I ever see you again? Rey asked, surprised at her own question and the fact that she had meant it to be sincere.

We will be here, Master Obi-Wan assured her with a kind smile. The Force is strong within you, Rey. Within you both. If you ever need us, you need only call. But the rest of this journey is yours to make, not our own. Support each other, learn from each other. Together you will be great.

Take comfort in the fact that you have a partner to share your burdens and troubles, Anakin added, his eyes somehow looking even sadder than before. Many are not so lucky. Rely on each other - you are both strong and capable, but alone you are nothing. Enjoy this power, this connection. Enjoy each other.

The two Force ghosts were fading from Ben and Rey’s minds, and even though Rey longed to reach out to her Master and beg him to stay, she let him go without complaint. She knew that the words he had spoken had been true - the rest of this journey was for her and Ben alone. But she hadn’t realized how close she had become to Master Obi-Wan in such a short amount of time. After all, he was the only family she had left.

May the Force be with you, her Master told her, his calm strength seeming to seep into her as his image faded into the golden rays of the sun. Rey felt the loss of her Master like an empty space within her, but it was quickly filled by the swirling Gray Force. It filled still further when she felt Ben’s hand reaching for hers, his fingers wrapping around her own. Rey shut her eyes once more and allowed herself to be calm and satisfied in this moment, if only for a few seconds.

She leaned her head against Ben’s shoulder and breathed in the intoxicating scent of his bare skin as the sun continued to bathe them in a lulling, hypnotic warmth. “You should really put some pants on,” Ben muttered, his breath seeping through her hair and along her scalp. “You’re going to freeze to death like that.”

“You’re the one who’s not wearing a shirt,” Rey bit back. She couldn’t help but still be slightly annoyed when he worried over her, though it no longer made her feel weak and useless, like it used to. She pulled away from his skin and looked up at him in the morning light. His eyes seemed to be radiating the same melting warmth as the sun’s rays and Rey wanted to drown in them. His hair, however, was in a state that she had never seen it before - mussed and spiked and tangled into a dark mop on top of his head. The laugh that bubbled out of Rey’s chest was like nothing she had ever felt before - it was so easy and effortless and happy.

“What’s so funny?” Ben asked. His brow furrowed but he couldn’t help but match her smile, which he thought was perhaps the most amazing thing he had ever seen in his life.

“Your hair … It looks insane,” Rey chuckled.

Ben tried to look annoyed but he couldn’t seem to wipe the smile off of his face as he replied, “You’re one to talk. Look at your hair.”

Rey brushed her fingers along her scalp, trying to tease out the tangles that Ben had put there last night. The tie that had held her bun in place was long gone - abandoned somewhere along the way when Ben had run his long fingers through it.

A sigh heaved through Rey’s body as she contemplated what exactly they were meant to do next. It was clear that these caves held more secrets than just this meditation cavern. She hadn’t yet explored any further due to her preoccupation with Master Obi-Wan, the Gray Force, Luke Skywalker, Ben Solo, and everything else that had managed to happen in the past couple of days. She wondered what secrets lay further down, buried for centuries and long forgotten.

Ben’s thumb traced along the back of Rey’s hand as her thoughts began to systematically plot out what their next move should be. She found Ben to be very distracting, as he had no such helpful thoughts in his head. His mind was filled with warmth and sunshine and bare skin and hazel eyes. She huffed in frustration as she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “We do have some more serious matters to attend to, don’t you think?” she reminded him.

Ben groaned and shook his head, leaning down to trace a line of kisses against Rey’s jawline. The thought entered her mind quickly and the words jumped from her lips before she had a chance to process them. “Luke Skywalker wants to see you. When we’re done with training, that is. He told me to tell you that. I know you’ve sensed him here and … I just wanted to let you know.”

Ben’s breath stopped abruptly and he slowly pulled himself away from her, glaring down at the shallow pool of water that sparkled before them. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Rey assured him, her voice surprisingly soft. “Or, I could go with you, if you want. I just … I had to pass on the message.”

“It’s fine, I understand,” he muttered, his voice stony. He had pushed Rey out of his mind and Rey had let him, knowing that he needed his own time and space to process this. She raised his hand that she held to her mouth and traced his knuckles gently with her lips. She rested the back of his hand against her cheek and she was happy to sense Ben slowly opening back up to her as he cleared his mind of Luke Skywalker.

Rey moved her face to his bare shoulder once more, her mouth grazing against his warm skin. The tip of her tongue slid forth, tasting the salty, dried sweat from the night before. The hunger rising quickly within her was being matched by Ben and she fought to control it as he lifted her face and pulled her lips to his. She allowed them each a few moments to bask in the warmth of the midday sun and each other before she forced herself away. Work first, she reminded him, her thoughts leaving no room for debate. There’ll be time for this later.

Ben growled in dissent but he allowed Rey to stand up and stretch her back, his eyes training immediately on the hem of his large shirt as it rode up along her bare thigh. Do you promise? he teased, forcing his tone to remain light despite the hunger that still ached within him.

“Eyes front, soldier,” Rey teased right back, turning to hunt down her own trousers. “We’ve got training to do.”

Chapter Text

The catacombs that were carved into the depths of the island were far more expansive than Rey had imagined them to be, and as she and Ben used the Force to feel out the empty spaces that surrounded them, she felt a growing sense of trepidation for the task at hand. They were both back in the clothes that they had originally landed on the island with, but each of them felt somewhat strange in their own skins. Ben’s shirt seemed thin and unable to keep out the chill that hovered within the caverns, and Rey’s heavy black armor felt weighty and uncomfortable.

They didn’t speak of a plan or a destination, but instead simply let their feet and the whispers of the Gray Force carry them forward. Ben’s green lightsaber was at his side and Rey opted to use her new blue lightsaber as they walked through the dim shadows, the glow of their weapons illuminating their way in a haze of pastel colors that reminded Rey of the surging ocean outside. The pathways through the caverns were similar to the one that had led them to the main meditation hall - they were plain and unadorned, with smooth walls and floors that seemed to hold the echoes of Jedi long gone within them. They passed a few alcoves that they did not enter, their instincts pushing them to travel down further. These small alcoves reminded Rey of the storage room that she had found in Maz Kanata’s basement - they were filled with ancient, weighty things that called out to them, urgent to tell the stories of their past.

Finally Rey and Ben’s feet halted in tandem as they came upon a small room of sorts carved into the stone. Wooden chests and cabinets of all different shapes and sizes lined the room, the wood old and warped from centuries of sitting in this cool, damp place. The two Jedi went about searching through the room - Rey moving off to the right and Ben to the left - as they silently went about inspecting the contents held within. They were silent as they went, but their Force Bond hung heavy between them, conveying thoughts of curiosity and calm duty.

They were both surprised to come to the same conclusion as they searched through their respective drawers and boxes - this room was filled to the brim with robes of varying sizes and styles, all of them adorned in different shades of gray. Rey’s gaze met Ben’s from across the small room as she thought, Are these … Gray Jedi robes?

I think so, Ben responded hesitantly. Do you … I mean, I was just thinking that I’d like a change of clothes. These Jedi robes, they’re …

I agree, Rey said, cutting him off. The surge of emotions running through their Force Bond brought unwelcome images of Luke Skywalker to her mind and she had no wish to deal with that issue at the moment. Let’s change.

It took some time for them to search the entire room, both of them looking for clothes that would fit and weren’t too worn by age and weather. Everything within the room was sorted with obvious precision - many of the boxes and drawers were even divided up by size. The colors ranged from the lightest heather to the darkest charcoal and the fabric was soft to Rey’s touch - though she wasn’t sure if this was from age and wear or if they had always been so velvety smooth.

When she and Ben finally had all that they needed he quickly moved to the center of the room, shedding his old brown robe and tan tunic as if he couldn’t get them off fast enough. Rey, on the other hand, turned her back to him, a feeling of sudden and strange embarrassment filling her. She killed the blue lightsaber beam at her side, though Ben’s still cast the room in a dim, eerie green where he had set it down on the stone floor next to him. Rey shed her heavy black boots happily, trading them for a pair of soft gray slippers. Her new gray pants reached to her knees, leaving her calves bare.

She stole a furtive glance over her shoulder as she let her black cape slide from her shoulders. Ben was rolling down a long-sleeved gray tunic over his shoulders and Rey marveled at the clearly defined muscles in his back as they danced against the green light of his weapon. The tunic hung around his body as if it was made specifically for him - nothing like the loose, ill-fitting robes that Luke Skywalker had dressed him in.

“How’s it coming over there?” Ben called over his shoulder. The green light at his side glinted against the side of his face and Rey noticed his playful grin. She was suddenly very aware of the Force Bond connecting their thoughts and the way that Ben’s fingers were now undoing the fastens on his own trousers, letting them slide down around his wide hips.

Rey whirled back around to stare fixedly at the wall as a red-hot blush rose in her cheeks and a scowl darkened her features. She could hear a soft laugh behind her as she clawed angrily at her leather belt and let it drop to the floor with a resounding clang. She was so focused on rolling up the hem of her thick black tunic that she hadn’t sensed Ben moving up behind her. His long fingers brushed against the bare skin at her hips and she actually jumped as she spun around to glare at him. “Don’t do that!” she cried, angry and embarrassed despite herself.

“Sorry, sorry,” he murmured, raising his hands in surrender as she glared up at him. His light brown trousers still hung lazily along his hips, promising to fall at any second. “Just thought I’d try to help.”

You think you’re so funny, Rey growled as she turned back to the stone wall and fidgeted once more with her tunic. She rolled it up over her head, but let it stretch between her arms around the front of her chest as she felt Ben hovering behind her, watching her with a hungry, unabashed gaze. “Do you mind?” she snapped.

No, he replied simply, stepping forward. His fingers were soft but confident as he traced the line of the binding wrap that Rey wore beneath her clothes to keep her breasts in place. She shivered despite herself and immediately felt her cheeks flush again. She could feel the gentle brush of his new gray tunic against the bare skin of her back and she resisted the urge to melt back into him.

His hands gathered Rey’s loose brown hair at the nape of her neck and swept it over her bare shoulders. His lips brushed gently against the sensitive skin at the back of her neck, his breath tickling against her scalp as his long nose buried in her hair. In one quick movement Rey ripped her black tunic from her arms, tossed it to the floor, and whirled around to face him once more. She raised her hands to find his face but he caught her wrists in a gentle but firm grasp and forced her back against the stone wall behind her. Rey hissed as the freezing rock grazed against her bare skin and she felt Ben shiver slightly as he felt the contact through their connection.

He placed a single, light kiss against her forehead and then stepped away, releasing his grip on her wrists just long enough to lean down and grasp the new gray tunic that she had picked out for herself. Rey fought against him as he gripped her wrists once more and forced her arms up over her head. I can dress myself, thanks, she growled in defiance.

I’m not doing this for you, he replied cryptically, refusing to loosen his grip. He leaned down and pressed his lips firmly against hers and Rey felt her resolve weakening as he used the weight of his entire body to still her attempts to free herself. Once Rey was sufficiently dazed and compliant, he stepped away again so that he could ease the gray shirt over her arms and head. His fingers traced her bare skin as he went - down the undersides of her arms, along the edges of her rib cage and all the way down to her hips. The new tunic was loose fitting, with fabric that hung down loosely along her thighs.

Ben gave her one last quick kiss to her forehead and then stepped back with a triumphant grin on his face. Much better, he thought as he turned back to his own pile of clothes.

Why do you have to make everything so difficult? Rey grumbled as she scratched at the skin on her hip where Ben’s hands had hesitated only a moment ago. We’ll be down here for ages if you keep that up.

I don’t mind, he replied as he finally dropped his trousers and stepped out of them. This time, Rey didn’t look away and she made sure that he knew it.

They finished dressing in silence and Ben kept his distance as they each searched further into the caves, determining their next destination. There was another large room very close that was calling to them. They moved towards it with calm purpose - Rey enjoying how silently she could move in her new soft gray slippers and Ben reveling in the light, warm weight of the dark gray cloak that hung around his shoulders.

The room that called to them was larger than the one where they had found their new robes. It was circular, like the meditation cavern, and like the meditation cavern it was covered in runes and images. They seemed to glow in Rey and Ben’s minds as the Gray Force swelled around them and pulled them forward. The runes were ancient - whatever language they represented long forgotten to the ages. Rey’s fingers tentatively reached out, tracing the swirling shape of one of them. The ceiling here was short and the writing on the walls spanned the entire length from the floor to the roof.

Ben moved forward to a single wooden chest that sat against one of the walls. Inside were rolls upon rolls of parchment with the same runes scribbled along the pages in black ink. Do you think we’ll be able to translate all of this stuff? Ben asked.

I don’t think we’ll need to, Rey responded. Her fingers traced along another rune, her palm flattening against it. She closed her eyes and slowed her breathing. She could feel the lines of the carving against her skin and burning in her mind. The Gray Force brushed against her skin and a word suddenly appeared in her thoughts. Wind.

She could feel Ben’s wonder as he watched the process of translation unfold within her mind, but he didn’t ask how it was done. They both accepted that whatever this strange new power was, it was beyond their immediate understanding. For now. It will take a long time to uncover all of the meaning of these runes, Ben mused as his eyes scanned the entirety of the walls and the number of scrolls in the chest.

It will be another part of our training, no doubt, Rey agreed. She was amused to find him begrudging this fact - neither of them had ever really been very eager to read through the heavy tomes of Jedi literature that Luke would often provide them with at his old Academy. However, Rey saw this new project as a challenge - like a treasure hunt to find knowledge about something that no one else in the galaxy would ever know, except for her and Ben. The thought excited her and she could feel Ben’s own amusement as her emotions bled into his.

Leave it for tomorrow, he told her. Let’s see what else is buried in these caves before we dedicate all of our time and effort to one project.

Rey reluctantly agreed and they continued moving through the darkness. The rest of the cavern maze seemed to be made up of living spaces where the Gray Jedi could spend their day-to-day lives. Rey paused in one of these rooms, surveying the darkness by the glow of her blue lightsaber. She peered curiously at a large, circular structure that hung down from the ceiling of the room. It was like nothing she had ever seen before, and as she reached up to inspect it further there was a flare around her as the Gray Force shot through her like a lightening bolt. It jolted through her body and through her outstretched hand seemingly of its own accord, and within moments the entire room was brightened by the soft, natural glow that shone down from the ceiling like a sort of lamp.

How did you do that? Ben asked from behind her in wonder.

I have no idea, Rey answered breathlessly as she marveled at the strange mechanics of the Force-generated light.

There are so many rooms … Ben thought absently to himself. This place seems to go on for ages, deeper and deeper. How could there be so many Gray Jedi? How did they all just completely disappear? Was it really history that wiped them away or was it something else?

Rey shivered at the thought. We’ll find out, she said, though she wasn’t sure if she was speaking to Ben or the powerful Gray Force that hung around her.

So, is this our life now? Ben asked as he took in the small room where Rey stood. There was a stone outcropping along one wall that was no doubt meant to serve as a bed. Other than that and the light above, the room was sparse and completely empty. Are we to live underground, translating lost languages and living like hermits?

Rey’s brow furrowed slightly as she marveled at the way that her life had so quickly changed from “me and I” to “us and we”. The words flowed from Ben’s mind into hers with such simplicity that it made her head spin. She knew that the two of them were tied together in this journey, but the thought of spending the rest of her days with Ben hit Rey with a sudden and surprising clarity.

She was buried deep in her thoughts when Ben stepped forward into her line of vision. You don’t have to look that upset about it, he told her. He was smiling but there was concern in his eyes. I’ll be here with you, after all.

That’s the part that I’m worried about, Rey found herself thinking despite herself.

Ben’s smile immediately disappeared and Rey winced as she felt the stab of hurt in his chest. Rey shut her eyes so that she would not have to see the hurt reach his sad brown eyes. She opened her mind to him and imagined herself as she was just a few weeks prior. She had been ruthless and cruel, determined in her mission to eradicate the Jedi from the galaxy. She had agreed to meet with Ben on Takodana for the sole purpose of using him as a tool or killing him in the process. She had been filled with such anger and hate that it consumed her.

She imagined herself as a child, when Ben had tried to teach her about the virtue and the good of the Light. How she had fought against him even then, her own hurt too deep to be healed by the Light Force. It was hard to believe Master Obi-Wan when he told her that this had always been her path - that she was meant to walk this road. She had spent her entire life in the dark. She had spilled so much blood. How could she be destined to be redeemed? Who would even dream of redeeming her, after all that she had done?

She imagined Luke’s Academy on that dark and rainy night as she had brought down life after innocent life. She had gone the past three years without once reliving that night, but ever since she had been reunited with Ben it clouded every nightmare that she had. She saw their faces clearly in her mind now. She felt their fear and saw the last light leaving their eyes as her crackling red lightsaber sliced through them.

Ben’s hand was on her cheek, wiping away the tears that had slipped there as he wrapped her thoughts tightly within his own. He showed her an image from the same night, when she had stood towering over him. She had held his life in her hands that day and she had been unable to snuff it out. Perhaps it wasn’t the Light within her that had spared Ben’s life that night. Maybe it was a sense, hidden deep within her, that the two of them were meant for something more.

I destroyed everything, Rey told him. My childhood was ripped away from me, so I spent my entire life trying to destroy anything and everyone that stood in my way. I killed innocent people without a second thought. I almost killed you. I ruined Luke’s Academy and I ruined your life. How can you even look at me without being repulsed? How can you touch me without remembering the lives of the friends that you lost? How could you love a monster?

Rey, don’t … he muttered, trying to console her.

No! She forced herself away from his comforting embrace and turned her back on him as the tears rolled freely from her eyes. You should hate me, Ben Solo. I hated you for a long, long time. You made me weak and I hated you for it, so I destroyed your entire world.

You are my world, Rey. The simple, insistent thought halted Rey’s own spinning mind. She crossed her arms around her chest, fighting desperately to keep herself pulled together as Ben continued, I understand, Rey. You may think that I don’t, but I do. I know why you did it. I know your pain and your loneliness - not just because we share a Force Bond, but because I have spent my entire life with the same feelings. I don’t blame you. It was Snoke and the corruption of the Dark side of the Force that led you to do those things. I know it’s not your fault because you didn’t kill me that night. You couldn’t kill me.

The sob that racked through Rey’s body made Ben’s own body ache with sadness. You’re not a monster, Rey, he told her. You are a beautiful, powerful, stubborn, irritable woman and I am so, so in love with you. We have enough troubles lying ahead of us - leave the past in the past.

His hands were on her shoulders and he kissed the top of her head. Rey allowed his large hands to turn her around and tilt her chin up to meet his gaze. Even if they hadn’t had the Force Bond tying them together, Rey would have easily been able to read Ben’s emotions in those wide, expressive eyes of his. She leaned up and kissed him passionately, eager to drown out the sadness within her with the touch and taste and smell of him. Ben’s mouth was hesitant and soft beneath hers, but Rey was unrelenting in her need to have him - all of him.

I want to make you happy, Ben, she thought desperately. Please, let me make up for all that I’ve done to you. Tell me what to do to make it right.

Ben moaned against her mouth but forced her away. “I am happy,” he whispered, his breath grazing against her skin as he gently kissed her cheek. “Leave your life of sadness behind you, my love. That’s all I ask. If you are content, then I am content.”

If Rey hadn’t had the power of the Force Bond on her side, she would have doubted the sincerity of his words. No one had ever loved her in the way that Ben Solo did. It was easy and selfless just as much as it was difficult and selfish. She buried her face in his new, soft robes and sighed heavily as she realized with a dawning sense of shock that in this moment she was content. More so than she had ever been in her life.

Chapter Text

Ben and Rey decided to spend that night in the Gray Jedi chambers - though the stone slab beds weren’t exactly the epitome of luxury, the rooms were far more cozy and insulated than the open, chilly meditation cavern. Rey knew that there was no chance of her getting lost down here in the maze of dark caves - not with the power of the Gray Force on her side - but she still chose the first room that they had come upon, hesitating to venture any further. Something was drawing her to be near the cave where she and Ben had found all of the mysterious runes, and she felt the need to sleep as close to those glowing images as possible.

Rey was laying out her blankets along her new bed when she realized that Ben had disappeared somewhere further along in the cave system. She stepped through the hallway after him, tracing his deep green Force signature. The strange Force-generated lights that were set along the ceiling and walls of the underground tunnels lit the hallway with ease, showing Rey the way. He was in a room a few down from the one that she had picked out, his back to her as he straightened his own blankets over the stone slab bed.

Rey stuttered to a stop in the doorway as she watched him, and Ben turned to face her as he sensed her presence. She smiled to hide her shock, but she wasn’t quite able to alter her thoughts in time. “What’s wrong?” he asked as he felt the surprise and disappointment in her mind.

“Nothing,” Rey lied easily. “It’s nothing. I just … wanted to make sure that you were settling in okay.”

“These rooms aren’t much,” Ben admitted as he glanced around the bare stone walls, “but they’ll do.”

“Tomorrow we’ll get to work on those runes,” Rey reminded him. “Don’t sleep in too late.”

Ben smiled but, as always, there was something deeper lurking in his dark brown eyes.

“Well, goodnight, then,” she muttered, her voice softer than she had meant it to be. She tried to reign in her thoughts, but she wondered if he could feel the way that her mind seemed to pull against his. “I’ll be just down the hall if you … I mean, if you need anything, you’ll know where to find me.”

“Goodnight, Rey,” he replied. She could see that his hands were clenched into fists at his side but she forced herself to ignore them. She had to get out of here before she said or thought anything else that would betray her itching need to crawl into bed with him.

Rey shuffled back to her room and forced herself to focus her thoughts on menial tasks - slipping off her gray slippers, carefully folding her new charcoal cape, brushing out the tangles in her hair with nimble fingers, pondering where she might be able to get some scissors in this deserted place as it had begun to grow annoyingly long. She completely ignored the fact that she could feel Ben in the back of her mind through it all, carefully watching her. He was laid out on his own bed, staring at the dark stone ceiling with his hands folded neatly behind his head.

Rey pulled her covers up to her chin, shivering as the rough wool brushed against her bare arms and legs. She felt the shiver trembling through the Force Bond, making Ben’s own skin itch. She followed its path with her thoughts, unable to keep herself from reaching out to him. It was a comfort to have him so close, but she mourned the fact that he refused to be closer. She felt a sigh heave through Ben’s chest as he reached out to her as well.

Why? Her thoughts seemed to be seeping from her mind unbidden. She tugged gently against the Force Bond. Why are you so far away?

Rey, I can’t … Words escaped him as he shifted uncomfortably against his own stone slab bed. He was putting up mental shields against her, hiding something deep within him that he didn’t want her to see. I don’t want … to make you uncomfortable.

Ben, what is it? Rey asked, tugging again on the Force Bond, her touch insistent. She poked against his mental barriers, urging him to open up to her. Tell me what’s on your mind.

He let down his walls with a resigned sigh, his thoughts seeming to rebel against him as he forced himself to clear the way for her mind to enter his. There was a deep insecurity within him that didn’t want to be seen and shied away from her touch. It took Rey a moment to realize what was going on, but when she finally did understand, she was immediately on her feet and moving down the hallway towards his bedroom.

Ben was afraid. Afraid that she would no longer want him, even after all that they had been through. Afraid that she wouldn’t want him to touch her in the same way that he had last night. Afraid that she might still disappear, slipping out of his grasp the same way she had when she had abandoned him on D’Qar. Something deep within him was telling him that he had overstayed his welcome - that Rey had gotten what she wanted out of him and that she didn’t need him any longer.

Rey was swallowed up in the complete blackness of the caverns, but she found her way easily down the hallway and into his room. She could sense him sitting up in his bed, anticipating her arrival. “I know it’s stupid …” he was grumbling as if to himself. “But who …?” Who would want me? Who would want small, insignificant Ben Solo?

Rey felt her heart breaking for him as her own insecure thoughts rose to match his own. She surprised both of them by rushing forward, her knees sliding around his hips as she sat squarely in his lap. Her arms were like a vice around his neck and he had to shift her grip so that she wasn’t choking him. Her face was buried in his hair as she felt her emotions pouring out of her mind and into his. You are an idiot, Ben Solo, she told him simply. You are not small or insignificant. You are my entire world.

His arms were around her, pushing her closer against his chest. He didn’t say anything but Rey could still feel the insecurity running rampant through Ben’s thoughts. She took a deep breath, pressing her lips against his shoulder as she let her thoughts circle around his, comforting and soothing them until they settled in peaceful happiness. His grip around her tightened and his chest shuddered beneath her as tears began to prick at the back of his eyes.

Rey pulled back just far enough so that she could catch his tears with her mouth. I love you, she told him simply. I love you, Ben Solo. All of you. It was a mistake to push you away, I’m so sorry. I won’t ever do it again. You make me stronger, better. I need you.

“Rey …” his voice cracked around her name as he buried his face in her hair. Rey could feel the hurt within him dissipating with every word she whispered into his mind, with every touch of her lips against his cheek. They sat like that for a long time, each of them completing the other in a way that neither of them had ever experienced before.

When Ben finally leaned back against the solid surface of his stone bed once more, he brought Rey with him. They fit together in the small space easily - the awkward twisting and turning from the night before completely forgotten as they settled simply into each other’s arms.

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The entirety of the next day was spent amongst the runes as the two Gray Jedi worked to decipher whatever meaning and lessons their predecessors had preserved for them. It was clear that this place was mean to remain hidden - a secret kept from the rest of the galaxy for centuries. Jedi and Sith alike both respected and feared the power of the Gray Jedi, and this was ultimately what led to their downfall. The Gray Jedi had never been a particularly large order, but they were slowly hunted down through the generations and destroyed or swayed by either the Light or the Dark, casting the galaxy once more into chaos as its inhabitants strained desperately to find balance.

The power of the Gray Force was rare and elusive, often remaining hidden from Force-sensitive individuals unless they possessed the knowledge and power to seek it out. Sometimes even the most powerful Gray Jedi were unable to seek it out, though Gray Jedi also still held power over both the Light and Dark sides of the Force. There were many writings on the scrolls within the wooden chest that spoke of experiments that Gray Jedi had implemented in an attempt to combine the Light and Dark sides of the Force to actually create Gray Force, but the results were varied and inconclusive.

By midday Rey’s mind was exhausted and her eyes were dry and tired from staring at the swirling shapes of the runes for hours on end. “Let’s take a break,” Ben suggested, heaving a weary sigh of his own. “It’s pointless to keep struggling through all of this if we’re not at our best. We need some rest before we keep going.”

Rey nodded in consent, but instead of heading back to Ben’s room - their room - she turned to make her way up the sloping path that would lead her back to the meditation caverns. Where are you going? Ben called after her.

I just … I feel like I need to do some meditating … she sighed, unable to force her exhausted mind to create a cohesive thought.

I’m going to take a nap - call me if you need anything, he replied as a yawn expanded his lungs. Don’t push yourself too far, my love. We all need rest every once in a while.

Rey pushed away his concerned thoughts with a tired shove, unable to take his words to heart or feel annoyed at his constant worrying. Her feet seemed to drag along the smooth stone floor as she moved towards the daylight emanating from the ceiling of the meditation cavern. Her mind was hazy and her body seemed to be moving of its own accord, the Gray Force urging her feet onward until she was seated along one of the meditation slabs. She could barely find the strength to straighten her spine as her eyes slipped shut and her slow breathing immediately pushed her into a higher level of consciousness.

Rey could feel a familiar presence surrounding her, but she was surprised when she opened her eyes to find that it was not Master Obi-Wan, but Anakin Skywalker who sat before her. Hello again, Rey, he welcomed her, his expression stony and his voice serious. You have done well so far. You both have. But you need rest.

Then why did you bring me here instead of letting me sleep? Rey asked irritably, suddenly realizing that it had been Anakin who had called her to this place and urged her into her current meditative state.

I have important information, he explained simply. It couldn’t wait.

And where’s Master Obi-Wan? Rey asked, shifting uncomfortably under the intense gaze that reminded her too much of Ben.

This message is mine to give, Anakin muttered, dropping his eyes to rest at her side. Bring forth your lightsaber, Rey.

Rey’s right hand reached immediately for the lightsaber hilt at her side, but Anakin stopped her. No. Not that lightsaber. Your lightsaber, Rey.

She didn’t know why her breath hitched in her throat as her left hand reached out to the long hilt of her red saberstaff. How long had it been since she had last used this thing? It no longer even felt as though it was hers. It was simply a scar - a reminder of her past life and all of the blood she had shed along the way.

You chose that cracked kyber crystal for a reason, Anakin’s guiding voice continued on in her mind as she rested the cool metal of the lightsaber hilt in her lap. It called out to you. It realized your path and its part to play in it. It was always meant for more. Just like you. Just like Ben.

What are you talking about? Rey asked breathlessly.

This lightsaber - it will show you the way. Use it now, Rey. Close your eyes and feel the crystal within. It will tell you all that you need to know in order to complete your mission. To rebuild the Gray Jedi.

Rey’s eyelids slipped shut of their own accord, her weary mind opening still further as she felt the lightsaber beneath her bare fingers. The cracked kyber crystal within suddenly began to vibrate, its light glowing bright and blood red despite the fact that the weapon had not been activated. Suddenly, deep within Rey’s mind, she saw a wide expanse of small, pinpricks of light glowing like a night sky before her. They pulsed and flashed, each of them a different color from the last. The rainbow of flashing lights seemed to sear like a brand against Rey’s mind and she screwed her eyes tighter as she fought to find the meaning of the vision.

These shall be your pupils, Anakin’s voice echoed in her head. Your kyber crystal shall lead you to them. They will be the building blocks that you and Ben will use to bring balance back to the Force. This is how the galaxy will be healed. This is how things will be righted after so many centuries of death and bloodshed. Train these individuals in the ways of the Gray Jedi and create a legacy that will last for generations to come.

But … there are so many … Rey muttered, her mind boggling with the enormity of her new mission. She realized that she had fully expected her strange, winding path to end here, buried deep underground with Ben and the lore and teachings of the Gray Force. She had resigned herself to this hermit’s life the moment that she and Ben had meditated with Masters Obi-Wan and Anakin. She had thought that this would be her destiny. She had never imagined that there was still so much work to be done.

You are not alone on your journey, Anakin reminded her. Gray Jedi are never alone. They are always in pairs. It is what makes them so strong.

But how could I possibly teach all of them? Rey continued. I’m no Master. Neither is Ben. How could we possibly train a new generation of Gray Jedi when we don’t even know what we’re doing ourselves?

You will be ready, he assured her, his voice confident and leaving no room for debate. When the time comes, you will be ready. You are already far more capable than you realize. Stay strong, Child of the Gray. You have always been set on this path. Do not give up so close to its conclusion. You are this galaxy’s only hope.

Rey’s eyes slowly slid open as she felt herself filling with a calm sense of duty and responsibility. Her saberstaff’s hilt was cool in her hands and she inspected it closely as she sat for a moment and pondered the mission ahead. This weapon - so stained with innocent blood - had been built for one sole purpose: destruction. In Rey’s mind it was cursed, haunted by all of the lives that it had stolen away. However, the cracked kyber crystal within shone bright and pure, its red light insistent as it flared in Rey’s mind.

Do not let past bloodshed cloud your vision of the future. Anakin’s voice held a softness in it that Rey had not imagined that he was capable of. I know the nightmares that haunt you, Child of the Gray. I lived much of my old life with the same ones. But you are more than your weaknesses. You have grown so much since that night. Do not let the blood of the innocent stain you - make their deaths a vow to be better. You still have time to right your wrongs. You are far luckier than most.

Rey glanced up at Ben’s young grandfather as tears pricked the back of her eyes. She wasn’t entirely sure what he was speaking about, but something within her strengthened at his words. She would never truly be able to put that dark, rainy night behind her - but perhaps she could still use it to create something good. She blinked up at him, her resolve fighting back her tears as she nodded in understanding. Thank you, Master Anakin. I only wish that I could fix all of the mistakes that have been made in the name of a greater good.

Anakin smiled - the blatant kindness and sadness in it surprising her. Perhaps someday you will, he muttered. Until we meet again, Child of the Gray. With a departing nod, his blue Force ghost shivered and faded away into the mist of the Gray Force.

Rey could still see the flashing rainbow of lights every time her eyes blinked closed - they shone within her like stars, calling out to her. Could it really be possible that all of these people were Force-sensitive? That they all held the power within them to become Gray Jedi? That they were destined to become her pupils - her Padawans?

The thoughts rushing through her mind felt heavy and too much to bear on her own. She walked back through the maze of tunnels in a haze, her saberstaff still firmly in her grip as she wondered at the impossibility of it all. Ben was curled against the wall in their bed, his mind blissfully empty as he slept peacefully. Rey felt a sinking sensation of guilt as she curled her body around his, but she knew that she could not keep this massive information to herself without coming apart at the seams.

Ben, wake up, she thought as she snaked her arm easily around his middle. Her other arm cradled the hilt of the saberstaff as she let it lay between them. He stirred and groaned against her intruding body and mind. She gently kissed the sensitive skin underneath his large ear as she continued to prod him out of unconsciousness. Ben, it’s important. Please.

As he slowly became aware of his surroundings he opened his mind easily to her. What is it, my love? he asked, his thoughts still hazy with sleep. He gripped her wrist and pulled her arm tighter around him, but his eyes remained peacefully closed.

I’ve just had a very meaningful conversation with your grandfather, she replied, her thoughts hesitant. He told me what our next mission is to be. Our final mission, I guess you could say …

What is it? he asked again, his thoughts immediately perking up at the mention of Anakin Skywalker. He could feel her hesitation and it worried him.

Rey sighed against his neck as she opened her mind to him, showing him the many multi-colored lights that gleamed in her thoughts. She replayed her conversation with Anakin for him in her mind and watched hesitantly as realization dawned over his thoughts and he too became aware of their new purpose. The kyber crystal within Rey’s weapon gleamed between their bodies as if it were urging them down their shared path, pushing them towards the nearest gleaming star that represented a future Gray Jedi.

It almost seems impossible, Ben thought quietly. There are so many of them …

Rey felt another rush of guilt flood through her and she found herself unable to control it as Ben shifted against her, turning so that he could look into her eyes. His brow was deeply furrowed as he brushed his hand against her face. What’s that all about? he asked, his thoughts filled once more with concern as they surrounded her own.

I feel … I feel as though this is all my fault, Rey admitted, unable to meet his eyes. I feel as if I forced you down this path. And now you’re stuck with me. Now we’re both stuck with this future. It wasn’t something that either of us chose.

“Exactly,” Ben whispered aloud, his breath washing Rey’s face in warmth. “Neither of us had a choice.” He forced her chin up so that she would look at him and she could feel her breath being taken away as his soft brown eyes filled her vision. “But I’d still choose you. Every time. Without hesitation. I love you, Rey Kenobi. Even if we don’t have a choice, I’d like to spend the rest of my life with you. That is, if you’ll have me, of course.”

Rey was kissing him before she even realized what she was doing. “I love you,” she whispered against his mouth. “I’ve always loved you, Ben Solo.” Their minds shifted together through the Force Bond, converging on a single thought as they surveyed the map of multi-colored stars in Rey’s mind. That one, they thought together in tandem, picking out a single, glowing blue light. We’ll go there, first. And as the decision filled their minds, there was a sighing sensation that enveloped them. The Gray Force twisted around their entwined bodies, whispering gently in the way that it always did. Balance. At long, long last. It shall be restored. Praise the Children of the Gray. They will be gods in the new world. They will change the galaxy. They will bring peace and harmony and love. Finally. Finally. Finally.

Chapter Text

When Rey walked into the morning light of the meditation cavern, she was surprised to find that she was not alone. It had been unwritten tradition for the small group of Gray Jedi to meet in the meditation cavern every morning, and since they had started their training program almost five years ago, Rey had always been the first one to awake in the morning. Her expression sunk into a confused frown as she walked towards the lone figure sitting along one of the many meditation slabs in the ancient hall.

Rey recognized Leena Rikahn immediately as she padded quietly up behind her. Though Leena was turned away from her and the morning light in the cavern cast her form into a dark silhouette, Rey could easily sense her Padawan’s familiar glowing green Force signature. A smile tugged at Rey’s mouth as she sensed the deep green edges that hung around the young woman like a sort of halo. Leena had always reminded Rey of Ben, and her Force signature echoed that - though the Padawan’s glowed somewhat darker than Ben’s. Leena was younger than Rey, but not by so many years. Her spine was perfectly vertical to the ground and her hands were relaxed in her lap as she meditated. Her brown hair was folded into a braid down her back, where it matched the straight angle of her spine.

Rey curled herself up at Leena’s side, careful not to jostle or disrupt her, though she did allow her dark red Force signature to reach out and envelop her companion. Rey slowed her breathing and opened her mind up to her Padawan, and though their connection was not nearly as strong as a Force Bond, they were able to sense one another’s emotions quite easily. There was something weighing heavily in Leena’s chest, and Rey could tell that she was having difficulty keeping her breathing even.

“What is it?” Rey whispered into the silence that surrounded them. “What is it that bothers you?”

“I don’t feel ready,” Leena responded with a heavy sigh. “How did you do it, Master? How did you prepare yourself to become a mentor?”

Rey laughed aloud despite herself, her soft chuckles ringing along the high stone ceilings. “Prepare myself?” she repeated with heavy sarcasm. “There was no preparation, my Padawan. There was only the mission. Ben and I … we saw you - all of you - out there in the galaxy. We didn’t know anything about you or your lives - we just knew that we had to find you. That you were waiting for us. And now there are people out there who are waiting for you.”

“But … I feel that there is still so much to learn …” Leena protested. Rey could sense the girl’s eyes screwing shut as she focused on something - an image of black with a series of colored lights scattered throughout like constellations. It was the same image that Rey saw every single time she closed her eyes. It was the map that she had used to find Leena - to find all of her and Ben’s Padawans. A sense of daunting intimidation swept through Leena, her green Force signature flaring as it was fueled by her emotions.

Rey took a deep breath and when she exhaled, she let a calm sense of wellbeing flow from her and wrap around her Padawan. She focused on the feeling of the sun, which bathed both of them in warmth and glowed against their skin. Leena had always had a strong inclination towards the Light, and she had thrived ever since she had arrived on Ahch-To. It had taken years of training - by both Rey and Ben - for Leena to master and accept the Dark, but Rey was confident in her Padawan’s abilities.

“You are ready,” Rey whispered, her voice strong and sure. She allowed her hand to reach out and gently touch Leena’s knee. She continued to focus on the warmth of the Light and did what she could to keep any doubtful shadows at bay. “Trust me, my Padawan.”

Leena sighed again, but she was letting herself soak in the warmth of the morning sun, inhaling the calm reassurance of the Light. The Light Force in the cavern seemed to gather around her, drowning out the shadows in her mind. With every new breath she took into her body, her Force signature seemed to glow brighter and stronger.

“I suppose I should stop calling you that, though,” Rey mused quietly. She could sense a few familiar Force signatures approaching from the Gray Jedi catacombs below as more of her and Ben’s pupils awoke. Ben’s familiar green Force signature was not among them, but that was not surprising - Ben never had been able to understand Rey’s ability to get up so early in the morning.

“What do you mean?” Leena asked as her consciousness slowly returned to her body and she began to stretch her stiff limbs.

Rey cracked her eyes open and smiled at the girl at her side. They were exactly the same height, and sitting here like this they looked more like sisters than Master and Apprentice. “You are no longer a Padawan, after all,” Rey told her. “You’re a Gray Jedi Knight.”

“It sounds so official.” The voice came from behind them, and they both turned to welcome the small group of individuals who had appeared from the catacombs below. The one who had spoken was Sandra Paliss, another one of Rey’s pupils. She was also Leena’s Force partner - the individual that the Gray Force had paired Leena with. The two had always gotten along well in training, so no one had been surprised when the connection between them had strengthened into a Force Bond. All Gray Jedi were divided into pairs in this way, and all of them shared a Force Bond with their Force partners.

Behind Sandra was another pair - Ava Fralii and Ovish Tarim. Though these two were not Force partners, they were connected in almost every other aspect in life. They had been inseparable every since they had arrived on Ahch-To almost five years ago, and Ben had told Rey that the two were considering a wedding ceremony while they were off-planet recruiting more Gray Jedi Padawans. Ava and Ovish smiled and bowed to Rey out of respect as they entered, but they moved to a meditation slab on the opposite side of the cavern, preferring to meditated in the company of one another rather than with the group.

Sandra sighed as she joined Leena and Rey, her body plopping down heavily on the meditation slab behind Leena so that they sat back-to-back. Sandra’s short blonde hair was still mussed from sleep and she slouched over her knees rather than pulling herself up into a meditative position. Picking up the conversation where Leena had left off, she said, “There are so many of them, Master Rey. How are we supposed to know whom to seek out first?” Rey wondered if Sandra had heard her entire conversation with Leena through their Force Bond, or if she was simply feeding off of her Force partner’s remaining anxieties.

“Your Padawans will choose you,” Rey responded simply. “You will feel them through the Gray Force. They will call to you.”

“But then what?” Sandra continued to prod. “How are we supposed to convince them to come with us? What if they don’t want to become Gray Jedi?”

“If they are meant to become Gray Jedi, then they shouldn’t need convincing,” Leena reminded her partner gently.

Rey nodded in agreement as Sandra furrowed her brow at the ground, no doubt thinking of the very day that Rey and Ben had appeared at her front door, preaching a new religion that sounded frightening and impossible, but also enticing and wonderful. She had felt the influence of the Gray Force her entire life - all of them had - though they hadn’t known what to call it until Rey and Ben had appeared and told them the many stories of the Jedi tradition.

Rey smiled down at the two of her Padawans as Sandra reluctantly straightened herself and forced her mind to calm into a meditative state. The Gray Jedi Master moved through the pathway that sloped gently upward, leading back to the surface of the island. There was a moment when the Gray Force seemed to collect around her like a giant hand, trying to grip her body and pull her back into the shadows of the Gray Jedi catacombs. Rey felt a no familiar twisting in her stomach and she scowled as the taste of bile rose in the back of her throat. Her footsteps quickened along the familiar stone path and she made it out into the bushes just in time to unload her near-empty stomach.

She was glad that none of her pupils - or worse, Ben - were there to see her retching in the green island grass. Ben was even more hyper-protective than usual, and though Rey knew that it came from a good place, it annoyed her to absolutely no end. She spit on last time in an attempt to rid her mouth of the bitter taste of vomit and forced herself onward. The cool, salty ocean breeze helped to clear her mind and within moments, her stomach was settled as if nothing had even happened.

She walked through the sand towards the place where her old, familiar TIE fighter still stood. The ship got a surprising amount of use, as it was one of only two ships that they had on the island that was able to get the fourteen inhabitants on- and off-planet for supplies and other necessities. Leena and Sandra would be flying it today - off on their mission to recruit more Gray Jedi Padawans. Ben’s Resistance freighter - which was far older and a bit dodgy to fly these days - would stay on Ahch-To in case of emergency while the two Gray Jedi Knights were gone.

It wasn’t long before all fourteen of the island’s inhabitants finished their morning mediation and joined Rey near where the ships were parked. Not surprisingly, Leena and Sandra were the first ones to appear, and Ben was one of the last. He approached Rey holding the hand of Casev Kring - the youngest of the group, who was only twelve years old.

The young boy beamed up at Rey as they approached. “Do you think Leena and Sandra will bring back young Padawans like me?” he asked, staring longing at the TIE fighter as Leena jumped into the cockpit and fired up the engines.

“I hope so,” Ben told him with a smile. “I’m tired of all these boring old people.”

Casev giggled and playfully shoved his weight against Ben’s leg. Ben released the young boy to say goodbye to his two friends, while Ben’s other arm snaked loosely around Rey’s hips and he gently kissed her hair. He didn’t say anything aloud, but Rey could feel his gentle concern easily through their Force Bond. She rolled her eyes as she nuzzled her head against Ben’s shoulder.

Leena and Sandra were waving goodbye from the pilot and gunner’s chairs within Rey’s old TIE fighter and Rey watched as they closed the ship’s hatch and quickly ascended up into the blue Ahch-To skies. Rey was surprised to feel a sudden wrenching in her gut as her two pupils burst out of the planet’s atmosphere. It wasn’t the morning sickness this time - it was a sudden, sharp sensation of loss. Rey had begun to think of her six pupils - and all of the Gray Jedi here on the island - as her family. It was difficult to see some of that family leaving, but Rey knew that the two girls would report back in no time with news from their journeys.

Rey felt a strange, reminiscent sort of longing as she recalled the days back when she had traveled the galaxy, searching for trouble and making friends with all the wrong people. She was happy to note that both Leena and Sandra were wiser than she had been. But though she wasn’t heading out to wreak havoc across the stars, Rey was preparing herself for a whole new kind of adventure.

Her thin hand rested against her stomach as she felt the new life force wrestling inside of her. The child was still quite small, but Rey could sense it in a way that she had never sensed anything before in her life. The tiny ball of life was her, and yet it was not her. It was it’s own living being - part Ben and part Rey. The remaining students gathered around the two Gray Jedi Masters, their eyes all on Rey’s hand as it grazed slowly along her slightly-distended stomach. They had all figured it out on their own, their powers with the Force easily tipping them off to the strange ball of light and life that hung heavy in Rey’s abdomen.

Suddenly, for no reason at all, Rey felt tears pricking the back of her eyes. She frowned down at her shoes in frustration, already hating the way that her body seemed to be growing and working against her. She had been moody fro weeks with no explanation and her emotions seemed to come and go like the weather - affecting all of the island’s inhabitants.

Ben chuckled lightly through his nose as he pulled his arm around her tighter, burying his face in her hair. Rey was aware of her pupil’s bodies closing in around her but the tears blurring her vision prevented her from seeing them properly. They all hovered around her and Ben, creating a sort of human barrier that radiated love and comfort and peace. Rey had lived her entire life without a family. Now, she would never know a life without them. The thought made her smile through her tears and she was content.