Archive of Our Own ^beta

He has always been a quiet child, hiding behind his brother Hesh and letting him make decisions for him, knowing that Hesh would stand up for him in those situations. They have always been close and shared a bond that didn’t require words, almost as if they were communicating telepathically. The brothers are always near each other.

Logan thinks that’s probably why this moment feels so difficult for him—one of the reasons he finds himself in this situation is because of his family and the weight he carries as the youngest, having to meet the expectations of being better than his father was, and paying the price for it.

The burning sensation in his hand reminds him why he is there, and the pain keeps him grounded, even with his mind shrouded in fog and his ears muffled like they were filled with cotton. For a moment, his brain fails to grasp what’s happening around him. Gradually, the crackling voices in his communications become clearer; he recognizes them as his teammates.

The mud on his body makes him feel heavier, and the sensation of being dirty makes him want to curl up and disappear. Surrounding him, the dark trees loom intimidatingly as he navigates the muddy trail. He can hear his father's voice, worried about him, marking the meeting point and hoping he will arrive there on time.

Logan wasn't a small person, but that's how he felt, as if he were five years old again, hiding behind his brother, frustrated by his inability to express what he felt.

The radio crackled again; his father's voice was like an anchor for him, a reminder that someone was waiting for him, even amid uncertainty. He asked if Logan was alive but without expecting a response. Logan could feel anxiety taking hold of him, the tears in his eyes that wouldn't fall, burning as they mixed with the dust on his face. But he couldn't let himself fall apart because he had an order to fulfill, and as the good soldier he was, he wiped his face only to get his hands dirtier with the mud on his skin. That sensation was overwhelming him in a way that was hard to bear.

The scent of the environment, fresh from the rain, was comforting. At least he didn't have to face the downpour, he thought, trying to console himself as he followed the trail, hiding among the bushes or anything large enough to shield his body from enemy sight while he neutralized them in the shadows. His eyes were constantly at work, analyzing every movement around him as he advanced, his mind trained to devise new strategies based on what he saw along the way. He felt a tickle at the back of his neck, sensing that someone was watching him; perhaps it was just his paranoia, but that didn’t stop his body from reacting to any stimulus as if it were a life-threatening situation. It made his heart race in anticipation of what could happen.

This made his heart race in anticipation of what could happen. He spent too much time staring at those trees, and now they seemed to be staring back at him. The ground, covered in leaves, made almost no noise as he moved; his steps were very calculated.

As soon as he spotted a figure among the trees, he was ready to take him down. His finger rested on the trigger of his weapon, and with a twitch, he pulled it, hitting his target with precision. He knew he couldn’t get used to the feeling of having taken a life, even if it was that of an enemy. That was what made him more human.

The sound of the gunshot still echoed in his ears and seemed to silence the forest, as if nature felt the weight of the situation. He felt unable to move as his eyes remained fixed on the fallen body before him. He had to take a deep breath to be able to move forward.

As he recovered from the shock, he began to feel the effects of the fall earlier, suddenly experiencing a throbbing pain from the cut on his arm and starting to feel the effects of blood loss. The pain traveled up his arm to his shoulder, making it difficult when he tried to hold his weapon properly. Soon, he attempted to find another way to grip it that would hurt less, even if it wasn’t ideal. He tried to clean the cut, but it didn’t help much; he ended up spreading the dirt around, which made him think about what his next step would be. He opted to wait for help to properly care for his wound, trying not to dwell on how disgusting it made him feel.

He feels that he should have already gotten used to being in this state: the dull pain, the sensation of being exhausted and wounded. He experiences a déjà vu as he finds himself in this kind of situation once again. His vision becomes blurry, and the sounds seem distant; he isn’t accustomed to the silence, and it bothers him.

His steps are weary, but he remains determined to find his team. His chest is heaving, and his trembling hands grip the weapon, while the silent pain in his arm serves as a reminder of what he has lost on this mission. The silence breaks when his radio beeps once more. He focuses on the voice coming through it, bringing back the voice of his brother Hesh, filled with concern for him.

"Logan, can you hear me? We’re here waiting for you. Just a little longer; don’t give up." It was as if Hesh knew that Logan needed to hear this at that moment.

Maybe it was his brotherly instinct; hearing those words made him feel better, even though he couldn't respond to Hesh. His heavy breathing could be heard, albeit faintly, and that encouraged Hesh to keep talking to him, as if he knew Logan was listening. Logan's breath on Hesh's radio, however strained it might be, reassured Hesh that his brother was alive, even if he might be hurt.

The trees around him began to thin out, and the path he was following faded away. Logan didn’t take long to emerge from the forest; he felt as if he could finally breathe, free from the pressure he had felt before. The light illuminating the meeting point started to shine down on him, pulling him out of the darkness that had surrounded him since the moment of his fall. His heart swelled at the sight of his team’s figures, just as his breathing became more stable. His brother was the first to recognize him.

Logan's mind was still confused. He set his weapon aside and held Hesh, wrapping his arms around him. Logan didn’t seem to register the words being directed at him until he felt his brother's embrace, as if Hesh were trying to show him that everything was okay. This made the feeling that nothing was real start to fade away.

Hesh could sense the anxiety surrounding them, both his own and Logan's. He began to find it difficult to ignore his own feelings as he saw the state his brother was in and what had led him there. The mud on Logan’s face and his dirty clothes, with the blood from his cut standing out against the brown and green, made it even harder for Hesh to cope with the scene. Seeing his brother hurt had always been something he could never accept.

As if even a simple scratch were a reminder of how he failed to protect his brother, Hesh's mind drifts back to the disappointed look his father gave him in moments like this. What brings him back to reality is when he feels small drops on his shoulder—his brother's tears. For a moment, he feels confused by his brother's vulnerability, so exposed.

All he can do is hold him tighter in his arms and whisper assurances that everything will be okay, even though he's not sure if it's true, while his own heart breaks for his brother's suffering.