Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Alhaitham had always been a man of few words and few friends, 

He had always preferred his own company as he worked much better in solitude. His grandmother used to say, "a good friend could change his life"; but it wasn’t that he wanted his life to change. In the books he read as a child the main characters were often burdened by the actions of others and Alhaitham never understood the logic behind clinging to people that clearly made your life a nuisance.

His social skills were... lacklustre to say the least but, up until now this hadn’t been a problem as Alhaitham’s belief that friends were unnecessary never wavered. 

Until an intelligent, sociable young man with a bright future in architecture sat down across from where Alhaitham was sitting in the library in the House of Daena. He introduced himself as “Kaveh”, a Ksharewar scholar while smiling warmly at him. Alhaitham studied his face for a long while. People often came to speak to him while he was reading but it was usually to ask to be partners on a research proposal or something similar. 

He’d never been approached by someone who didn’t seem to want anything, other than to simply speak to him before. 

And so, for the first time since his grandmother’s passing,  

he considered the benefits of having a friend. 

Alhaitham placed his book gently on the table, introducing himself, with a strange feeling of warmth flooding his senses as Kaveh’s eyes lightened. 

Over the passing months the two grew closer than ever, bonding over loss of family, pursuit of knowledge and a deep passion for their respective majors. Alhaitham had never understood the point of studying the arts or aesthetics, yet he understood Kaveh; he could see the passion flood his face whenever Alhaitham asked what he had been working on over the last few days, the way he threw his all at every single project he worked on while still keeping his bright smile. 

Alhaitham had always considered logic when making a decision, deciding the most efficient outcome, yet with Kaveh he found it didn’t always matter so much. Initially it seemed logical to him that he should ignore Kaveh just as he had with everyone else, but he felt as though Kaveh was different, he radiated his passion for his studies and it was almost contagious.  

He had made his very first true friend, his Best Friend. 

Two years pass, Alhaitham may still have only one friend however, one thing he had in abundance was the desire to seek knowledge; it came to him like a sixth sense. And so, when his time came to leave his mark on the Sumeru Akademiya in the form of one final group research project before his graduation, he found himself lost , in a sense; and not just because he had always detested group research.  

It wasn’t that he couldn’t handle Akademiya stress or had overestimated his abilities, that would be absurd, Alhaitham knew he was capable of answering extremely complex questions that many people couldn’t even hope to understand. Yet the one question that had completely stumped him recently was, “Why was Kaveh (an extremely intelligent and capable man, as well as his closest friend) allowing the two other members of their group to completely disregard their responsibilities, and shoulder the burden himself? ”.  

Alhaitham had always had faith in Kaveh’s capabilities as a scholar, but as with many things, people change as they grow older. Kaveh seemed to develop this idea that he could help everyone, do his part to make the Akademiya a place where all someone needed to be successful was passion and hard work. This ended up taking its toll on Kaveh as he often did far too many favours for others.  

Alhaitham had asked Kaveh why he felt so strongly about it but Kaveh only said it was “just the right thing to do”. Alhaitham never felt the need to press him about it until Kaveh began to grow distant as he was constantly making more work for himself by worrying too much about other people. He was exhausting himself and they were bickering often lately.  

Alhaitham ended up boiling it down to Kaveh being stressed about their final project. 

Kaveh sat alone at their usual spot in the library, practically tearing his hair out as he worked tirelessly on his (and their two classmates’) share of the project. Alhaitham was sat next to him, occasionally glancing away from his, nearly complete, thesis when Kaveh would sigh dramatically, groan or otherwise indicate his distress. 

Ironically, this was something Alhaitham appreciated about Kaveh, he was easier to read than most other people as his emotions were always outwardly displayed no matter how hard he tried to mask them, and Alhaitham had always had a hard time reading people anyway, it was refreshing to spend so much time with someone who made it so easy for him. 

As Kaveh sighed again, leaning back in his seat to crack his knuckles, Alhaitham decided he should probably acknowledge his best friend’s discomfort.  

“You’re going to work yourself to death if you keep this up, you know.” Alhaitham stated, bluntly.  
Kaveh shot him a displeased glare, Alhaitham knew that look by now, Kaveh understood what he was saying but something, maybe stubbornness, stopped him from admitting it to himself.  

“I’m just saying, this could’ve been avoided if you’d been firm with them.” He added, picking his pen back up to finish his closing paragraph, his intention had been to reassure Kaveh that he understood he was stressed, perhaps encourage him to share his emotions on it. Alhaitham had missed out on Kaveh’s lengthy rants recently and had unfortunately grown to miss them. 

He soon realised he mustn’t have come across that way when Kaveh retorted, “God, Alhaitham, I know! Can you just drop it, already?” He threw his pen on the table, leaned back and sighed deeply before continuing, springing forward to face Alhaitham, “Everyone is stressed about this, okay? I’m just trying to make their lives easier and take a little work off their shoulders. Do you have to be so ignorant ?”  

Oh. Kaveh was definitely annoyed, that much was obvious with the way his brow furrowed and his hands curled into fists atop the table.  

Alhaitham paused for a moment as he tried to put together the pieces of Kaveh’s emotions; like a jigsaw puzzle without the centre piece. In this case, the centre piece was understanding the root of the problem, Alhaitham had told Kaveh countless times to just give the workload back to their other classmates because it was clearly too much for him to handle on his own.  

Alas, he didn’t, arguing that “wisdom should be uncovered by many people”, as well as grumbling something about Alhaitham acting pretentious again. 

Alhaitham didn’t understand what Kaveh meant. Well, partially; he understood he was often seen as being pretentious, but he didn’t care about that. What he didn’t understand was Kaveh’s inability to see that his selflessness was destroying him,  

people could only go as far as their talent and hard work could take them; the other members of their group had little talent and even littler will to work hard. Kaveh was exceptionally brilliant and Alhaitham couldn’t understand why he would waste that brilliance on taking care of other peoples’ responsibilities.  

“I’m not ignorant, Kaveh I just understand the need for accepting reality, you ought to be less forgiving to people like them.” Alhaitham stated calmly, looking back down to his thesis. 

Kaveh opened his mouth to speak but found that he couldn’t get the words out, he stared at Alhaitham for a moment before he felt all of his emotions rise from his feet to his chest, Alhaitham glanced up again to see Kaveh furiously turn away from him before scrambling to carelessly shove his books back into his bag, storming out of the library. 

Alhaitham just blinked at where Kaveh had been working mere moments ago, 

He assumed Kaveh would be back tomorrow, after he had calmed down, and silently packed his things too.  

Chapter Text

Kaveh had always been observant, he would meet someone once and remember their face for the rest of his life, he could glance at someone for a second and tell exactly how they felt just from the look on their face and he could pass someone in the corridor once and wonder what they were doing for the rest of the day, even if he didn’t see them again; as an artist, he loved watching the world go by, observing the delicate beauty of the flowers around Sumeru or the complexity of the people who lived there.  

So, it was no surprise when one day he was passing through the library, looking for a textbook he needed for class and something rather interesting caught his attention, or rather someone .  

At a small table in the farthest corner of the library, there was a boy who Kaveh had never seen before. He had short grey hair that was well kept but not interestingly styled, he was deeply engrossed in the book he was reading about ancient languages of the desert and he wore the Akademiya uniform perfectly; in the sense that he wasn’t breaking a single rule, unlike Kaveh who often bent the rules with his bleached hair, clipped back with vibrant red clips or his large earrings that he inherited from his mother before she moved to Fontaine. The main thing that Kaveh noticed about the young man however were the headphones he wore;   

Kaveh was fascinated with their design, they were bright green like sparkling jade and were encased in an intricate design of golden vines, they were one of a kind and they sparked the creative flame inside him, excitement rippled through his body as he rushed over to him without hesitation and hurried to introduce himself,  

“Hey there! I’m Kaveh,” He said with a huge smile, “from Ksharewar” he continued as the boy stared up at him with a lost look in his eyes, which were the same colour as his headphones save for their scarlet centre,  

“Alhaitham...” he mumbled quietly as he set his book down, “Did you need something?” he asked bluntly, gently setting his book down on the Adhigama wood table.  

“Ah... well- not really, I was just curious about where you got your headphones” He gestured to his own ears before adding, “They’re beautiful!”  laughing slightly as he waited for Alhaitham to respond.  

“My Grandmother made them for me, she was a Ksharewar graduate too.” The tiniest semblances of a smile seemed to creep into his face when he mentioned his grandmother.  

“That’s so sweet, she must have been a good student, the pattern is beautiful and the design itself is genius!” Kaveh gushed, he was truly fascinated, inspired even as he marvelled at the headphones. Eventually he got so lost in his ‘thinking out loud’ that he pulled a chair from a nearby table and sat down across from Alhaitham; an action he would apologise for nearly 30 minutes later despite the fact he had been talking to Alhaitham the entire time and he didn’t seem to mind Kaveh being there.  

“Oh no, I’ve definitely been rambling, haven’t I?” He sighed lowly, “Sorry for disturbing you, I’ll go now.” He pushed his chair out from under the table and was about to stand before he was interrupted,  

“You don’t have to go, I didn’t mind listening to you, it was... interesting.” He looked up at Kaveh before glancing back down to the yellowed pages of his book.   

He and Kaveh ended up talking a lot that day, ending with them agreeing to keep in touch, which led to them sitting together at lunch, spending their free periods together and even staying in the library after school as they both worked on whatever it was they needed to do that day.  
Kaveh had always had a lot of friends, being a social child and now a social young man, but he’d never had a friend like Alhaitham before, they were polar opposites but they clicked almost instantly as friends.  

Alhaitham was blunt and could seem cold to most people. Kaveh realised this as he spent more time with him, which he was shocked by as Alhaitham never seemed cold to him, even the very first time he ever soke to him. To Kaveh, Alhaitham was an extremely intelligent young man, who seemed to be brimming with knowledge, talent and even passion (in his own special way) for his studies, admittingly it did take Alhaitham a while to hold a proper conversation with Kaveh; But once they became more comfortable with each other they had a lot more in common than they had initially realised.  

Alhaitham had always been reclused and never cared for making friends, his parents had died when he was young, he had no siblings and was raised by his grandmother. He had always liked to read and had a large collection of books he had inherited from his late family members; he had a passion for learning and was a Haravatat scholar, just like his father, taking particular interests in the ancient languages of the desert.  

But those were surface level things, and as their friendship progressed, he learned more and more about Alhaitham. Alhaitham was so reclused because he was diagnosed with Autism after his parents passed, something Kaveh learned when they were talking a walk through the market in the city and witnessed Alhaitham get extremely overstimulated for the first time, he could be cold but he truly cared about those he was close to and Kaveh thought he was definitely someone Alhaitham cared about. It was safe to say, they truly were best friends.  

Two months breezed by and Kaveh was stressed. He’d been slaving away at a project for weeks; it was due tomorrow and he still thought something was off about it, no matter what he did it just didn’t look right.  

He was slouched over his desk in his and Alhaitham’s shared dormitory, his graphite dusted fingers tangled in his hair as he resisted the urge to pull it out, a bad habit he’d developed over the years, it had gotten better over the years but still came through when he was stressed. He decided it was best to just leave it, sure he wasn’t happy with it but he just couldn’t figure out why, he was stressed, irritated and was already having a shitty day because he dreamt of his parents last night; come to think of it, one of Kaveh’s earliest memories was of his mother tugging on her hair as she worked on a design.  

“Faranak, you can be such a perfectionist.” his father would say as he peeled his exhausted mother from her desk, glancing to Kaveh with a sly grin on his face and mock-whispering to him about how he should learn to pace himself so he doesn’t end up tired and overworked like his mother. Kaveh had a very happy childhood, his parents had always nurtured his interest in aesthetics, providing him with building blocks, sketchbooks, design catalogues and...  

He doesn’t like to think about his dad anymore.  

He scrambles to clear the memory from his brain but it burns into the back of his eyelids like he had stared into the sun. “I’ll bring you something nice, Kav.” his father had said with a smile as he ruffled Kaveh’s hair, it was the last time he ever saw his father.  

Kaveh had shown an interest in an item donated to the interdarshan championship at the Akademiya, the Diadem of Knowledge, he thought it was beautiful, he wanted to use it for his studies of aesthetics and encouraged his father to join the competition so he could win it for him.  

He placed second, and went missing for a short while afterward. He and his mother waited in anticipation, believing he would be home soon. They soon received the devastating news that his father had died in quicksand in an accident in the desert, Kaveh was riddled with guilt. Guilt that never left him, guilt that multiplied tenfold when he saw his mother shaking as she sobbed violently, guilt that metastasised as he watched his mother’s trembling hands reach for her sketches, only to stare at them for hours without drawing a single stroke.  

Kaveh believed that if had just never said anything, his life would still be as happy as it once was, he and his parents would all still live in their happy little home, smiling and laughing together, his mother never would’ve lost her spark for design, never left for Fontaine, never started a new family.  

Kaveh cradled his head between his knees, he didn’t want to cry over his mother, she deserved to be happy and if that meant leaving Kaveh behind, who was he to tell her that she couldn’t. Every letter Kaveh received from his mother filled him with this looming dread, of course he was happy to hear about how she was doing well, but he couldn’t help but feel like his mother blamed him for his father’s death as much as he blamed himself for it.  

Kaveh crawled into his bed, drying the tears from his eyes. He decided he should just go to bed early and stop thinking about it when the door creaked open and Alhaitham walked in.  

Alhaitham stared at Kaveh for a second, noticing his puffy eyes, the way he curled in on himself in his bed,  

He didn’t say a word, he just slid his bag off of his shoulders and sat on the floor next to Kaveh’s bed; he was still, he didn’t even reach for his book, he just occasionally glanced at Kaveh in a way the young artist could only assume was sympathetic. He appreciated it, probably more than Alhaitham would ever know.  

Two years pass and Kaveh’s graduation was fast approaching, he had been working on a project with Alhaitham and two other students, it was driving him insane. He had taken on most of the other students’ workload after they had expressed to him how stressed they were and how they just couldn’t handle it anymore, Kaveh was empathetic by nature and offered to do just a little bit of work on top of his own for the project.  

Yeah, ‘ a little fucking bit’ Kaveh thought, he had ended up doing all of their work because they had practically dopped out of the group. He sat at the little table in the far corner of the library, it was well past when they usually left the library but Alhaitham and Kaveh sat in silence, working in the dim lamplight not saying one word.  

Kaveh’s fingers tangled into his hair once again, he was exhausted, he just wanted to tear his paper up and be rid of this awful project for the rest of his life. The thought was purged as quickly as it came, Kaveh was not the type to give up, no matter how exhausted he became.  

He didn’t know how much time had passed since he last tore his eyes away from his thesis, he was nearly finished and didn’t want to get distracted now, but he noticed Alhaitham glancing at him, normally he’d say something but he needed to concentrate right now. He cracked his knuckles and slammed his pen back onto his paper.  

“You’re going to work yourself to death if you keep this up, you know.”  

Kaveh looked up, glaring at Alhaitham. ‘Could he be snarky any time other than now?’ Kaveh thought as he bent back over his work, attempting to ignore his best friend. He understood Alhaitham must just be worried about how willing he was to neglect himself in favour of helping others, but he was in no mood for his bluntness right now.  

“I’m just saying, this could’ve been avoided if you’d been firm with them.” Alhaitham wasn’t even looking at him, he just kept writing.  

“God, Alhaitham, I know! Can you just drop it, already?” He threw his pen on the table,  ‘was he fucking serious?’ Kaveh thought, he tried to calm himself down but he was exhausted, he felt like shit, he just wanted this all to end and Alhaitham’s bluntness has never pissed him off as much as it has now, he balled his hands into fists atop the table, digging his nails into his hands but he couldn’t stop himself from shouting at him, “Everyone is stressed about this, okay? I’m just trying to make their lives easier and take a little work off their shoulders. Do you have to be so ignorant ?”  

‘Shit, no that’s not what I meant.’ Kaveh was panicking now, his mind had been in ruins from exhaustion, he hadn't meant to snap at Alhaitham. He gnawed at the inside of his cheek; he felt terrible and completely zoned out as the taste of blood burst onto his tongue.  

Alhaitham had said something to him, and he hadn’t heard. Kaveh assumed the worst. ‘If only I’d not said anything. No, never taken on this stupid project in the first place.’   his brow furrowed; he dug his nails into his palms again as he opened his mouth to apologise. Alhaitham wasn’t even looking at him, ‘oh I’ve done it now’ Kaveh thought, he felt tears well in his eyes and he was just so angry at himself, he’s ruining everything again.  

He frantically shoved his things into his bag before the tears started to fall and he dashed out of the library.  

Kaveh had lost everyone, and now he’d lost his best friend too.  

And it was all his fault.  

Chapter Text

The first thing Alhaitham noticed when he woke up was that the curtains were still closed.  

Kaveh was an early riser by nature and usually liked to spend his time before classes sketching. He preferred the natural light and said the fresh air helped him concentrate, so the window in their small dorm room was open every morning.  

Naturally, Alhaitham was concerned when he awoke to their room being slightly stuffy, dark and silent, no fresh air, no natural light and definitely no sound of Kaveh scratching his pencils against his sketches.  

He also wasn’t used to getting ready alone. Their routine was as follows;   

Kaveh wakes up an hour or so before Alhaitham  

Alhaitham wakes up 45 minutes before they need to leave for morning classes  

Alhaitham takes 20 minutes reading in bed while Kaveh showers  

Kaveh does his hair and makeup for 15 minutes while Alhaitham showers  

They both get dressed in around 10 minutes  

And just like that they’re out of the door.  

Normally this happens like clockwork every day, but with no Kaveh what is Alhaitham supposed to do? Shower earlier and leave his reading until after he’s dressed? Or read after he’s out of the shower while his hair dries? He never expected this to jostle his mind so drastically, but he’s completely thrown off, Kaveh was his timestamp, in a sense, everything in the morning revolved around him and now that he had surprisingly not come to their room last night, Alhaitham was like a deer in headlights.   

He followed the normal routine as closely as he could, he laid in bed for 20 minutes, though this morning he never picked his book up, choosing to instead contemplate where Kaveh could possibly be, if he was alright, if he should wait outside Kaveh’s morning class to ask him where he’d been, to make sure he was alright.  

Alhaitham was ready as normal but he couldn’t shake this strange feeling he had, it was like he’d forgotten something, it was like loneliness.  

Eventually, Alhaitham’s class was over and he waded through the floods of students to the Akademiya’s art studio. He pushed open the large door to find the classroom almost completely empty,  

Save for one person.  

Kaveh sat slumped over one of the desks, two empty coffee mugs that had presumably been filled, emptied and refilled numerous times due to the bags under Kaveh’s eyes and the lack of his usual energetic glow, his desk was surrounded by crumpled up sheets of paper, at least three snapped pencils and a haphazard pile of completed sketches, as well as a few essays for the class's written projects.  

His bright red eyes, now slightly dimmed from his presumed lack of sleep, flicked towards Alhaitham for a moment before they darted away, like a chidden child.  

Alhaitham walked slowly towards Kaveh, pulling a nearby chair closer to Kaveh’s desk so he could sit down with him. He stared at his best friend for a short while before Kaveh spoke, “I’m sorry about yesterday... I finished my thesis.”, he pulled the papers out of his bag with shaky hands, sliding them across the desk, avoiding Alhaitham’s confused gaze.  

“You need sleep.” Alhaitham remarked, staring at the bags that had sunk into Kaveh’s puffy eyes, as he took the papers from the desk and slid them into his bag before resuming his scrutinising of Kaveh’s... state.  

"Thanks” Kaveh scoffed, hands gliding across his cheek before quietly asking, “Do I really look that bad?” he smiled lowly, attempting to lighten the tense mood  

“I’m serious, you didn’t come back last night. You need sleep.” Alhaitham stated blankly, gazing into Kaveh’s obviously tired eyes with an emotion he assumed was pity.  

“Yeah...” Kaveh mumbled, trailing off as he shifted his chair closer to Alhaitham’s to rest his head against his shoulder, “Did you miss me?” he quipped as he began sniffling quietly.  

"Oh. He’s upset.” Alhaitham thought as he brought his arm around Kaveh’s shoulder. They usually did this when Kaveh was upset, Alhaitham still remembers how shocked he was the first time Kaveh started crying out of the blue like this; he remembers the awkward feeling flooding his senses as he was completely lost for what to do and froze up like he was made of marble. That day, Kaveh gripped his hand and cried into his shoulder, choking out apologies,  
Alhaitham never understood why he was apologising or why he was so okay with Kaveh clinging to him, he just held him – it was instinct, a feeling he couldn’t explain. 

Kaveh was one to ignore his own emotions, Alhaitham had come to realise that, counterintuitively, the best thing he could do when Kaveh cried was to act like he wasn’t crying at all,  

“I suppose.” Alhaitham replied “You didn’t open the window this morning, it was stuffy”  

“I’ll think about that next time.” Kaveh giggled slightly as his tears stopped, “sorry, by the way, I’m just... very tired.”  

“You don’t need to apologise.” Alhaitham was stiff as a board, he cared for Kaveh but never knew how to express it, he could see Kaveh was upset but couldn’t see why, he wanted to offer him some kind of advice but he truly had no idea what to say to him.  

So they sat in the empty studio, surrounded by the scent of graphite and fresh sheets of cartridge paper, Alhaitham stared at Kaveh as he steadied his breathing and eventually lifted his head, giggling the way he always did when he felt awkward or embarrassed.  

He talked casually now, as if nothing had happened.  

Alhaitham only listened, he never was the talker but since becoming friends with Kaveh a lot of his traits had rubbed off on him, he was more observant now, particularly of Kaveh and he made more of an effort to be cordial to his classmates, Kaveh always seemed happy that  Alhaitham was socialising more but he’d never admit he only did it to see the slight smile creep onto Kaveh’s face.  

The second bell sounded, it had already been 30 minutes and it was time for them to return to their classrooms. They tidied the studio as best they could before students began flooding in, Kaveh thanked Alhaitham one last time and pulled him into another tight hug before they parted again, towards their separate classes.  

At the end of the day, Alhaitham approached their usual table at the library but instead of seeing Kaveh slumped over his sketchbook like he usually was, there was no one there.  

Alhaitham waited a while but Kaveh never showed up, never gave any indication as to where he was and Alhaitham was sure he hadn’t said anything about a late class this morning. When Alhaitham checked the art studio, Kaveh wasn’t there, when he went back to their dorm Kaveh wasn’t there.  

But as he passed the desk Kaveh normally sat at, there was a note written in Kaveh’s messy cursive writing  

All it said was,  

“Alhaitham,  

At a friend’s place, I won’t be back for a day or two  

Sorry,  
Kaveh.” 

Naturally, Alhaitham was confused but thought nothing of it, deciding to go to sleep and not dwell on it.  

But as two days passed,  

And then two more  

And then a week     

Alhaitham was overwhelmed with a deep realisation, his best friend, his only true friend, wasn’t coming back to their dorm or their little table at the library, ever again . At first it was a lonely realisation; this is why he’d never been one for friends but that wasn’t the main cause of his bewilderment, the thing that puzzled him most was why.  

Alhaitham and Kaveh had been practically inseparable over the last few years, Alhaitham had grown pleased to see him every day, even worked him into every crevice of his mind so to say he was shocked, even disappointed was a complete understatement.  

And for the first time since his grandmother’s passing,  

Alhaitham fell asleep with tears seeping into his pillow.

Chapter Text

Kaveh didn’t realise he hadn’t slept until he heard the small crowds of students with early classes pass the art studio, he had planned on going back to his dorm but he had no idea what he was going to say to Alhaitham, he’d been distracting himself with his thesis and various art projects which acted more as a bigger problem than a distraction from his current one, an eclipse to blind him from what he didn’t have the energy to confront.  

He could have sworn he had a class in the studio first thing in the morning but when 30 minutes had passed with no one showing up he assumed it had been cancelled.  

Kaveh had been so tired lately, practically drowning in his workload from his final thesis and his coursework for his other classes and it definitely wasn’t helping that he was now stressing over snapping at Alhaitham, he truly hadn’t meant to react the way he did but now the thought of seeing him filled his entire body with a flood of dread, seeing Alhaitham was the last thing he needed right now.  

Kaveh needed to clear his head, stop taking on more work than he could manage, stop letting his thought get to him and snapping at the people he cared about.  

He should probably clean up all these snapped pencils and crumpled papers too.  

He laid his head on the desk and sighed deeply, he needed to go back to the dorm, he started thinking about packing his things but his body felt impossibly heavy and he didn’t have the strength to move at all  

A minute passed  

Then 5 more  

Until 10 minutes had passed and he heard the creaky studio doors creep open slowly.  

Kaveh opened his eyes, craned his stiff neck and looked at the figure in the doorway,  

“Just my luck” he thought to himself as his eyes met Alhaitham’s.  

Except seeing Alhaitham stood there didn’t fill him with the flood of dread, it was a deeper and more complex feeling, he was facing what he’d been avoiding like the plague for the last day or so but he was also staring into the concerned face of his best friend,  

either way he still felt sick.  

Alhaitham had walked up to him and scraped a chair across the paint stained floor to sit next to him, Kaveh couldn’t even look him in the eye when he scraped his thesis papers into an orderly pile and offered it towards Alhaitham  

“I’m sorry about yesterday... I finished my thesis.” he mumbled, trying to hide the shake in his voice as he watched Alhaitham collect the papers, tapping them against the desk to straighten the edges, and slide them into his bag, he stared at Kaveh the whole time.  

“You need sleep.” Alhaitham stated abruptly, Kaveh looked up at him then, saw the scrutiny in his gaze, he felt the dread rise again but as he kept staring into Alhaitham’s gentle green eyes he saw nothing but the genuine concern of a best friend and couldn’t help but feel his heart soften as his mind rested for a moment.  

He smiled slightly to himself.  

"Thanks” he scoffed before his tone softened and he laughed quietly, “Do I really look that bad?” he raised his shaking hand to his cheek, tracing it before he felt the eye bags that had sunken into his skin.  

There was a moment of silence, longer than is typically comfortable for them.  

“I’m serious,” Alhaitham’s voice sliced the tense atmosphere like a blade “you didn’t come back last night. You need sleep.” He folded his arms as his eyes bore into Kaveh.  

Every time Kaveh met his gaze he felt as though he was being stabbed with a thousand tiny shards of glass and the guilt and dread and fear all rose into his body, flooding his mind and threatening to burst his heart too.  

“Yeah...” was all Kaveh could muster as the entire weight of the situation fell onto his already heavy body all at once, he needed to fix this before their relationship shattered like tempered glass.  

Familiarity was the basis of their relationship, Kaveh felt like Alhaitham was the friend he’d needed all his life and would always be the one he’d turn to first, he hoped it was the same for Alhaitham.  

Maybe that was what drove him to rest his head on Alhaitham’s shoulder and ask “Did you miss me?” Kaveh didn’t even realise he had begun to cry until all the feelings straining his body finally released and slammed straight to his heart with all the force they could manage.  

He didn’t remember why he was avoiding Alhaitham, he realised now that the thing he wanted from the start was for their relationship to be as it always had  

And that he was the one who ruined that .  

Kaveh was even angrier that Alhaitham still held him gently, as if he wasn’t mad at all when he had every right to be, when he should’ve been mad. Of course Kaveh wasn’t mad at Alhaitham, he was furious with himself for treating Alhaitham so cruelly.  

He was especially mad because he knew Alhaitham’s hardened exterior wasn’t at all a reflection of how gentle his soul was.  

Eventually the atmosphere calmed again, they talked as they normally did, Alhaitham’s hand resting on Kaveh’s shoulder as he continued to hold him tenderly.  

The second bell rang and Kaveh couldn’t help the slight smile that seeped into his face when Alhaitham’s grip on his shoulder tightened at the unexpected sound. They cleaned up Kaveh’s desk together before the next class starting slowly filling the studio and they parted to finally go to their separate classes as best friends again.  

 
However, there was something else. Kaveh couldn’t help that, despite the earlier interaction with Alhaitham, his mind was still riddled with guilt. 

He didn’t deserve Alhaitham  

His gentle gaze,  

The way his voice softened around Kaveh,  

The way they talked at night in their dorm,  

The way he soothed Kaveh when he cried,  

He didn’t deserve any of it .  

Kaveh had a free period at the end of the day, he knew Alhaitham had a class now so this was his only chance  

His fight or flight kicked in and he had ultimately decided it was best to ‘quit while he was ahead’ he hurried back to their dorm, walking as fast as he could as if to get ahead of any doubt that might form.  

Turning his key in the door, he paced quickly to the desk and grabbed a pen, Alhaitham’s pen. “Ironic” Kaveh thought as he scribbled a note messily onto the loose paper,  

“Alhaitham,   

At a friend’s place, I won’t be back for a day or two   

Sorry,  
Kaveh.” 

He gazed at the letter for a long time, doubt and guilt finally catching up to him but he shoved the thoughts to the back of his mind, shoved Alhaitham’s pen to the bottom of his bag and shoved the chair he had been sat on back under the desk, he took one final look at his dorm before quickly closing the door and locking it with his key for the final time.  

Kaveh did a number of things that evening, he spoke to the kind lady at the office about not using his dorm anymore, she told him it would be fine and happily took his key back, more guilt washed into Kaveh’s mind, her smile reminded him of Alhaitham in a strange way.  

He, once again, shoved the thought to the back of his mind as he left the Akademiya, he was going home .  

But after walking the short distance to his childhood home, lifting the old plant pot that once grew a beautiful Padisarah flower and taking the old key from beneath it, he was reminded why he had left in the first place.  

Empty.  

The house was so empty, it had been that way since his father passed. The paint on the walls had faded, dust gathered on his parents’ old bookshelf and the warm atmosphere of a happy family home hadn’t been present for a long time.  

Kaveh closed the door behind him and fell to the floor in a puddle of guilt and shame  

“What have I done?” he thought as he realised he couldn’t take any of it back, sad as it may be, this was home now.  

He wondered if Alhaitham would be mad as he, one last time, tried to push the thought to the back of his mind, only to be met with resistance  

Alhaitham was something he couldn’t just ignore.  

Maybe Kaveh deserved to feel guilty about him forever.  

Maybe he was okay with that.  

Chapter Text

8 years had passed since he graduated from the Akademiya, top of his class with a master’s degree in semiotics. Now, he is working as the director of the linguistics department at the Akademiya. It’s a job he somewhat resents due to how many people come to him each day with questions, not that he can’t answer them he would just rather get back to his tasks over helping others with theirs. 

It was late February, a little after Alhaitham’s 30th birthday, when Alhaitham saw the invitation that had been slipped through his letterbox earlier that day, it read: 
 

“Graduating class of ‘XX 

Reunion event hosted by Anis and Safiyya 

2nd April 19:30-23:30 

Zubayr Theatre 

RSVP by March 15th 

We hope you will be there!” 

Alhaitham scanned over the little card in his hand, did he even know Anis and Safiyya? Did it matter?  

No, those weren’t his main questions. 

In truth, the first thought that had entered his mind was “Will Kaveh be there?”  

Ahaitham had never stopped thinking about his best friend, he still saved a room for him in the house that he technically owned half of, he had often wondered if Kaveh even knew he had every right to live in this house with him, if he did it would certainly hurt Alhaitham that he never seemed to have thought of coming back, 

So for all these years he had convinced himself he must not have known. 

Perhaps what convinced Alhaitham to immediately RSVP at the unkown phone number listed on the back of the card was to make sure Kaveh knew about his rights to the house, or it was just the only way Alhaitham had to see him again. 

He remembered the last time he ever saw Kaveh clear as day. The deep bags that sunk into his skin, that was normally tanned and almost golden but had turned muted and pale those last few days and the way his hands were shaking as he dropped his pencil  

And the way he had rested his head on Alhaitham’s shoulder, sighing as if he had finally let go of all of his worries.  

Alhaitham could remember it as much as he wanted, it wouldn’t change the fact that it was the last time he ever saw Kaveh, and he still had no idea what happened. 

Alhaitham stepped through his quiet house, going about his daily evening routine as normal; 

Change out of work clothes  

Cook dinner  

Eat dinner and think about what to do later  

Do something later  

Brush teeth  

Go to bed  

Admittedly, he lived a little like a robot but that was how he liked it. Alhaitham had never liked surprises and preferred to live as simply as he could, mainly because his Grandmother used to describe how the happiest of lives are often simple, and so far he had no reason not to believe her.  

However,  

The only times his life hadn’t been simple were; when his Grandmother passed, which he had now accepted and even found strangely comforting to live with her memory, buying some Sumeru Roses which he kept in a small terracotta pot on his kitchen windowsill because they were his grandmother’s favourite – and they smelled like her perfume. 

The second time his life hadn’t been simple was when Kaveh left. No, not even just when he left, all of him. Around Kaveh, Alhaitham learned what it meant to love again, to have someone you can care for and depend on and they’ll do the same for you, he learned that relationships aren’t always happy and easy and that’s what made them so... beautiful.  

He learned how much a person can give  

but also how much they can rip away when they leave. 

Another thing Alhaitham remembered about the day Kaveh left was the way he sobbed into his pillow that night.  

Alhaitham had never been a particularly emotional person, not because he was a heartless monster who didn’t have emotions, he just never felt the need to express them as much as others did. 

But something about Kaveh leaving filled him with a bitter emotion he never wanted to experience again, it trailed down his brain like oil and pooled in his stomach making him feel like he was going to be sick, he remembers the way tears kept on streaming out of his eyes and the pool of bitterness in his stomach seemed to drag all the air in his lungs down with it as he gasped for breath in shaky sobs, but most of all he remembers they way his heart clenched upon itself and his head throbbed with immeasurable pain as if trying to burn all his memories of Kaveh away, to ease the pain, but his heart still clung to him.  

Now, he realises he’s been standing in his room, motionless and still in his work clothes, for far too long. He walked over to the mirror mounted against the wall next to his dresser and- 

Oh. 

He was crying. 

It wasn’t too uncommon of an experience these days, he noticed it only seemed to happen when he thought of Kaveh, but he thought about Kaveh... a lot, almost every day. 

Alhaitham missed him, he knew that. When Kaveh left he seemed to have taken all the familiarity out of Alhiatham’s life and nothing ever made much sense to him anymore; he never cried, apart from  when he thought about Kaveh , he wasn’t empathetic, except when it was to Kaveh and he found his job mundane and tiring, except for when he remembers it’s in the same building he used to see Kaveh every day.  

That last one was more bittersweet though, Alhaitham would give up all his worldly possessions just to talk to Kaveh one more time, to remember what it felt like for life to make sense, to speak and be heard, to care and be cared for and to hold and be held.  

The part that confused him the most was why he still thought about Kaveh so much – it had been 8 years for God’s sake- nobody had ever left this much of an impression on him before, so why did Kaveh make him feel so... so... Angry? Bitter? Alone?  

Hell, he didn’t even know. 

All he wanted was to see him again, would he be angry? Would he spit all the questions he had accumulated over the years straight into his face? Would he just pretend nothing had changed and greet him just as he would’ve 8 years ago?  

“It doesn’t matter, I haven’t seen him in 8 years and I probably won’t see him again” Alhaitham declared decisively in his head as he wiped the tears from his eyes and continued his routine as he normally would, he tried not to think about Kaveh again. 

He slipped into some more comfortable clothes, a loose grey shirt and some black sweatpants, and some red socks because he hated how hard the wooden floor felt on his bare feet.  

He walked briskly to his kitchen and pulled whatever ingredients he could find from his cabinets: some chickpeas, pitas, tahini, olive oil and pine nuts. He thought for a minute about what he could make. If he had yoghurt in the fridge he could make Fatteh. 

He didn’t need to check the fridge and instead started preparing the dish the way Kaveh had showed him, he’d picked up a lot of habits from Kaveh, like always keeping yoghurt in the fridge because it’s “literally so handy” as Kaveh had said once, excitedly pulling some out of the fridge before dropping it, splatting it all up the wall of their dorm room, leaving a stain they never manged to fully remove.  

“oh... I’m doing it again” Alhaitham thought, but didn’t suppress his slight smile at the fond memory. He walked over to the fridge and grabbed the yoghurt he wasn’t surprised he had.  

Kaveh always liked yoghurt.  

Chapter Text

“8 years ago...” Kaveh thought to himself as he held the invitation to his university class reunion in his hands, he’d come a long way over the last few years, he’d turn 33 in the summer and he’d recently taken on quite a big project to design a palace, which he was very eager to start. Over the years, he’d overcome a lot of the anxiety he held in his youth and the thought of going to this reunion nearly sent it all flooding back into his system.  

Kaveh had pushed the majority of his life as a young adult to the darkest corners of his mind, never to be seen again. He was depressed, anxious and had made a lot of decisions he wasn’t exactly proud of. But he was better now, he hoped it would stay that way, being happy and confident in himself in his adult life really made his job a lot easier.  

One thing Kaveh had always been sure of was that he loved to create. As a child he drew, painted and built anything his vivid imagination could conjure up with whatever he could find; crayons, his mother’s oil paints, he even built a miniature version of the Favonius Cathedral out of macaroni after he’d seen a picture of it in a magazine. His mother adored the idea of her son following in her footsteps, perhaps this was the foundation of Kaveh’s dream to be an architect.  

Needless to say, when Kaveh started up his independent design studio 5 years ago, the first person he told was his mother when he wrote her a lengthy letter about how he finally felt he was properly doing something great with his passion. It hurt a little that she never even congratulated him when she sent a postcard back.  

But that wasn’t important right now, he was still staring at this invitation and hadn’t decided what he was doing with it, was he going to go? Should he just ignore it? Set it on fire, maybe? His mind told him it probably wouldn’t be that bad if he just went but his heart told him to just toss the invite and never look back; however, there was another thing his heart had to remind him of...  

In University, he’d had a roommate, Alhaitham, and he still felt so incredibly guilty about what he did to him. He had been going through a very rough time in his life, feeling like he couldn’t pursue his passion because there was no money in it, while wanting to live up to his mother’s legacy more than ever after she’d left him all alone to start a new life in Fontaine, and he still hadn’t learned to manage his grief for his father’s passing. Overall, he felt like shit, was scared out of his wits for the future, and his teenage hormones hadn’t quite settled yet; his fight or flight kicked in and he moved out of his dorm to go back to his childhood home, which hadn’t been as good a solution as he hoped, it only filled him with more existential dread that there truly was no way for his life to be as it always had been when he was a child.  

He often wonders if it would’ve been better to just stay in the dorms at university. Alhaitham truly had been a good friend, he always listened to whatever Kaveh rambled about, always offered his shoulder to cry on when he needed it, and in truth he probably was the best friend Kaveh ever had.  

But Kaveh felt bittersweet about him now, he hadn’t seen Alhaitham since university, to this day he still had no idea how he didn’t run into him at their graduation ceremony. “He probably just got assigned a new roommate and forgot all about it” Kaveh had often said to himself, but he had absolutely no idea how Alhaitham felt about the day he left. To be completely honest, he didn’t know how he felt about it either, he did feel guilty for not even saying anything to Alhaitham about his desire to return home, but at least a little bit of him is sure that Alhaitham wasn’t bothered at all by his absence, which often mitigates any guilt he has over the situation.  

That’s not to say he has any animosity towards Alhaitham, he just doesn’t want to cry over spilled milk if the person he’s so worried about wasn’t even affected. “Yeah, I’m not going to this.” he announces decisively to himself as he crumples up the invitation and tosses it somewhere behind him, he’ll pick it up later. 
 

A few hours pass, Kaveh made dinner, changed into some comfier clothes, and got out some cartridge paper and pencils to start drawing some first drafts for the palace he was going to build, his heart still jumped excitedly when he thought about the absurdity of him building a palace; he didn’t think he’d ever get used to saying it.  

This was going to be the grandest thing he ever designed, all the ambition in his soul was going to be poured straight into this. He slouched over the same desk he made his macaroni cathedral on for hours, drew a total of 6 drafts in only 8 hours, and they weren’t even sloppy or rushed! Kaveh was at an all-time high, his mind bursting with images of grandeur, he’d finally make a name for himself and design all sorts of things for all sorts of people, instead of bridges and lighthouses that had to be simple, all because city officials said so.  

But this project was different, an opportunity so rare that many talented architects would likely sell their soul to have it, the commissioner had only given Kaveh two instructions “make it large and extravagant” and when he asked further about specific aesthetic details, she had brushed him off saying it wasn’t important. Kaveh had complete creative freedom and he basked in the thrill of it, for the first time in his whole career.  

If only he knew then what was to happen.  

So much for passion and grandeur.  

Chapter Text

Alhaitham had been quite excited to go to the reunion celebration. He hated loud places at the best of times and parties were always loud, but the thought of seeing Kaveh again would drive Alhaitham to do lots of things, going to some silly party was hardly a hefty fee in comparison.  

He pulled himself out of bed faster than normal on the morning of the 2 nd April, ate his breakfast with a smile that lingered on his face all day, as he washed the dishes, swept the kitchen floor, and wiped the counters, it stayed while he read a book he could hardly concentrate on, when he put it down to get in the shower a few hours later, and when he got dressed into his most “party-appropriate” outfit.  

Alhaitham’s brain had been filled with Kaveh, Kaveh, Kaveh all day. He fantasized about what he’d say to him, if they’d have a heartwarming reunion like in the fairytales he read as a child, or if it’d be more realistic; they’d awkwardly say hi and be waiting for the other to say something, until they finally broke the ice and would talk just as they had 8 years ago. Whatever happened, he wouldn’t care, all he wanted was to see Kaveh again, his best friend.  

He wasn’t the type of person to wish for things, especially if he couldn’t be sure how they would go, but the thought of reuniting with his best friend made him the most excited he’d ever been in his whole life and the day of the reunion party couldn’t come any faster.  
All these years, he had saved a spare key to give to Kaveh when they had rekindled their relationship; presently, it sat on the same keyring as the key Alhaitham used every day as a perpetual reminder of how his life could have gone if Kaveh hadn’t left.  

But that wouldn’t matter anymore, today would be the day it was all fixed, Kaveh would be his roommate again, open the windows in the morning, work on his sketches (If he even still did that), and get ready with Alhaitham while they talk about whatever nonsense their tired brains conjure up. He hadn’t ever missed a person this much in his life, well at least not in the same way; of course he’d missed his grandmother immeasurably when she passed and he still has things he wishes he could ask her, but he’d realised pretty quickly he had to accept her death as there was no way she was ever coming back.  

Perhaps that’s what made Kaveh different, his leaving wasn’t definite and there would always be at least a tiny chance that he would find his way back into Alhaitham’s life. He hadn’t realised he’d been clinging to that chance until an almost concrete solution was just handed to him, or technically it had been slipped through his letterbox.  

Alhaitham was completely dressed and ready to go at 18:30, he knew vaguely it was weird to show up at the start time of a party, but 8 years of hopelessly waiting for someone who was never coming had long since clouded his mind in a way that left no room for shame over something as trivial as social convention.  

He shoved the keys into his pocket and stepped out of his front door.  

Alhaitham arrived at Zubayr Theatre 50 minutes early, but he was so excited he couldn’t even complain in the slightest, when compared to 8 whole years, 50 minutes would surely go by in a blink. He sat on a bench close to the main entrance to watch as people came in, he clasped his palms together and waited, deciding to only go in if he didn’t see Kaveh for the first hour after the even started, there was another door after all and it would be impossible to watch them both at once unless he was inside, which, admittedly, he still didn’t really want to be.  

Minutes passed, 10, then 20, 40, an hour, that’s when people started coming in. They walked slowly and in short bursts of 3 or 4 people at a time, Alhaitham recognised a couple of them but he didn’t dwell on the ones he didn’t, they were far from his biggest concern. 10 more minutes passed, another 20, 40 and another hour, he wasn’t worried but he was slightly irritated that he would have to go inside.  

He forced himself through the doors after another 5 minutes and scanned all the heads in the room. A lot more people had come in the second hour he’d waited, yet none of them were Kaveh. Of the people in the room, however many there were, none of them were Kaveh either.  

“Kaveh was always quite busy, maybe he’ll arrive later” Alhaitham reassured himself as he retreated to a secluded corner, somewhere he could oversee the whole room.  

Music quietly hummed from the few speakers, he caught snippets of idle chit-chat, of friends catching up, this sort of thing would normally rile him up and make him reach for his headphones to drown them out. Today was different though, he couldn’t focus on his ears because he needed his eyes, he wondered if Kaveh still wore his hair the same, still put bright red clips in it every day, did he still look the same in the first place? Alhaitham was getting slightly nervous now, what if Kaveh didn’t remember him at all? What if he had walked in ages ago and Alhaitham just didn’t recognise him because he’d made some drastic change to his appearance?  

He shoved the thoughts away and kept his gaze fixed on the two doors, another hour passed and it was 21:30. Alhaitham was slightly worried now, Kaveh wasn’t the type to stay late at parties and if he was coming he’d have come by now. He scanned the room again, felt his heart drop to his stomach when he recognised two of Kaveh’s old friends; Cyno and Tighnari. Those three had been friends already before Alhaitham tested his way into their class two years early and in the middle of the school year, they had been a truly inseparable trio.  

He realised then that Kaveh wasn’t coming. He wouldn’t cling to this silly false hope any longer, if they were here, they would have come with Kaveh and yet he was nowhere to be seen. He hadn’t come and he definitely wasn’t coming. If Alhaitham knew him at all, he knew he wasn’t a partying type and often preferred to be in their dorm sketching away like he always did.  

He slowly sat up and forced his disappointment to the back of his mind as he slowly wandered home through the orange glow of the streetlamps at night.  

Alhaitham was now aware of a number of uncomfortable things;  

Kaveh hadn’t come to the reunion and he wasn’t going to show up later,  

Alhaitham had stupidly hoped for something he knew deep down wasn’t going to happen,  

 his shoes felt too tight on his feet,  

his shirt felt like it was scratching his back with every step he took  

and the sound of his feet stepping along the pavement felt like a hammer to his head with each step he took.  

All he wanted was to go home. Well, no, what he truly wanted was to have found Kaveh at that reunion, made amends and rekindled their friendship, invited him to live in his house, he would say yes and they have the life they always should have had.  

But he’d have to accept that wasn’t possible anymore.  

No matter how angry and upset he was about it.  

Chapter Text

Kaveh sat in the rubble of the grand palace he had designed. The building was near complete when a rockslide had completely crumbled the foundations of it, the rest of the building slowly tumbled to the floor hopelessly. There was nothing anyone could do.   

Of course, the commissioner was furious with him, cast him away from the project despite his begging to build it again, paying for the whole thing from his own, far too shallow, pockets. He had sold the last tethers he had to a normal life, his childhood home . It was the last thing he thought he’d do but it wasn’t like he had any choice, ‘best to sell that too before my rotten luck crushes that before my eyes’ Kaveh had furiously thought to himself, blinking back tears and choking down sobs as he signed his name on the documents.  

Kaveh hadn’t felt crushing defeat like this before, he felt small and hopeless, felt the weight of all his effort, time, hopes, dreams and even all the studying he did to land this job in the first place, all of it tumbling down and landing straight on his shoulders as if he had been the one caught in the rockslide.   

‘What am I going to do? Where am I going to live?’ Kaveh thought to himself as he gathered loose bits of rubble from the ground in his palm, the faint remnants of gold faintly glistening at him between the dust and dulled surface. He couldn’t see his reflection from all the scuffs and scratches on the surface; he wasn’t even sure he wanted to see himself like this anyway.   

A few days went by and Kaveh had spent the last of his money staying in a cheap motel on the outskirts of Sumeru city. With an astonishing total of 386 mora in his wallet it was safe to say he was completely fucked if he didn’t find some miracle today. He slammed his head down on the scratchy, dulled fabric of the pillow and slapped his hands over his face. Perhaps he wanted to scream but he had more important things to concern himself with, he dug through his brain trying to think of something to do, somewhere to go, someone he could stay with.   

Someone...  

‘No. It can’t be him. Someone else, anyone else. Think, think...’ Kaveh was incredibly conflicted. Despite his best effort, there wasn’t anyone else and so he packed up what little possessions he had left and walked as slowly as he possibly could, taking the longest routes and stopping for way more breaks than he needed.  

One of these breaks happened to be at Lambad’s tavern.  

He knew, he knew damn well how stupid it was to spend the last pennies in his pocket on a drink but he didn’t exactly have any other choice. Or so he told himself.  

‘I just need something to clear my head a bit’ he had told himself as he ordered a glass of the cheapest wine on the menu, ‘only 60 mora’ he thought, ‘that means I can have 6 of these!’  

Safe to say, his dire circumstances had released all capability of rational thought from his brain.  

He sat himself down at the bar, looking as lively as he possible could as to not provoke any questions from the bar staff or other customers, as much as he enjoyed Lambad’s company he, admittedly, could not keep his big mouth shut. Kaveh internally reprimanded himself for his harsh words against the tavern owner and downed his glass of wine in almost one big glug.  

He hadn’t even spent an hour in the tavern before he only had 86 mora left, ‘ well shit’, it wasn’t like there was anything he could do about it now. All those glasses of wine had given his brain a rush of emotion, years of repressed sadness, guilt, frustration, and they like slammed to the front of his mind like a tidal wave.  

He hadn’t allowed himself to cry in years, he had long since convinced himself that if he wasted his youth feeling sorry for himself, what would his father say when he finally saw him again in the afterlife? How would his mother look at him after entrusting her entire legacy to her only son? Hell, he wasn’t even sure if he was her only son anymore, he couldn’t bring himself to contact her all those years when he was getting by on tiny commissions out of fear of her inevitable disappointment, and when he finally landed himself something incredible he had been so wrapped up in his excitement and ideas that he hadn’t told her a thing.  

Well, in a roundabout way he was kind of happy about that now, maybe he just wasn’t supposed to have anything good, let his ideas of this grand life his mother had sworn he was capable of living with ‘all his potential’ swallow him hole as he constantly waded through the bullshit that was consistently handed to him.  

He hadn’t even realised that tears had started streaming down his face. And he certainly hadn’t realised that he had slumped forward onto the bar and was sobbing into his arms like a baby.  

“Kaveh?” Lambad, he assumed, “Hey, there’s no one in the bathroom if you need a quieter place.” He rested a large hand gently on his shoulder, it was warm, kind and gentle. That only made him cry harder, it was fatherly. God only knows how much Kaveh wishes he had his dad right now, or his mother, anyone who would offer him a shoulder to cry on.  

Someone...  

More tears rolled down his face as he looked up, red-faced and puffy-eyed, before smiling as much as he could at Lambad and excusing himself to the bathroom. He didn’t spend long in there at all, he splashed some cold water on his face, made himself look as presentable as possible before putting on his best  ‘haha must just be the wine’ smile.  

Right in the middle of his most performative ‘laughing it off’ spiel to Lambad, he is faintly aware of the tavern door creaking open. He doesn’t know what it is that makes him turn around, probably still the lingering idea of someone in his head. And when he sees that someone has in fact walked straight through the tavern door, his facade shatters. He slams his face back down against the table, maybe hopes that he blacks out, and immediately breaks down sobbing again.  

“Kaveh?” another comforting voice emerges from the general buzz of the tavern, it's not Lambad this time, it’s someone else .  

He knows who it is, he’d know that monotone, no-nonsense voice in a crowd of a billion roaring tigers. He doesn’t know what possesses him to stand up from his chair, turn and face this person he’s been shoving into the darkest crevices of his mind for 8 years, and it’s definitely the work of some evil spirit that makes his wrap his arms around him as tight as he can and choke out cries into his chest.  

“I’m sorry- I'm so, so sorry Haitham.” He chokes out, maybe it’s just the alcohol, but he feels he at least owes his former best friend an apology, and the second he looked into those gorgeous eyes again, he caved, he remembered what it felt like to speak and be heard, to care and be cared for and to hold and be held.  

His wine steeped brain was flooded with memories of being 20, crying into his junior’s chest about how he felt worthless, how he was tired, how he missed his dad or how he just really needed a fucking break. And all of a sudden, in the low buzz of hat tavern, it felt like no time had passed at all, that the time passing had absolutely no effect on their relationship.  

He’s acutely aware of broad arms encircling his waist, pulling him impossibly closer to Alhaitham. “I know, I know, you’re alright, it’s going to be okay. I’m here, Kaveh.” Alhaitham murmurs into his hair. Even if just for a moment, Kaveh truly believed it would all be alright, that him and Alhaitham were about to walk, hand-in-hand to their dorm room, spend all night talking about the future and fall asleep still smiling.  

Alhaitham covers Kaveh’s bill and ushers him out of the tavern, “Where do you live? I’ll take you home.” Alhaitham asks as he hoists Kaveh’s left arm over his shoulders and wraps his free hand around his waist.  

“Don’t even get me fucking started.”    

“Don’t swear. What happened?”  

“Haitham I’m fucked, totally finished. I’m literally homeless, I have no goddamn money. I sold my pare- my mother’s house to keep working on this breakthrough commission. I got the money to start again but... I built a fucking palace; do you get that? A palace, Haitham and then what fucking happened? A Goddamn rockslide. All my future, buried under some fucking rocks.” Kaveh had started crying again, not sobbing this time, just some tears of pent-up frustration he'd needed to let out fo r a while now.  

Alhaitham was going to speak but he had no idea what to say to that. Well, no, he knew exactly what he wanted to say but he knew Kaveh better than anyone, if he asked him “well that sucks, Kaveh. You can always come live with me, I kept a room for you after all.” because he knew better than anyone that no matter how he spun it, Kaveh was seemingly intolerant to letting someone else help him.  

Which was surprisingly ironic since in a moment of need Kaveh was always the first one to bend over backwards for some stranger no matter how minor the issue was.  

And at the end of the day, Alhaitham had a golden opportunity to be completely selfish for once. The man he’d yearned for since the day they parted just happened to be in the tavern, the same tavern they went to with Cyno and Tighnari on occasion back in their Akademiya days, that Alhaitham went to in one last desperate attempt to run into Kaveh.  

He had everything he’d ever wanted in his hands, and right now Kaveh needed somewhere to stay. He knew if he asked, Kaveh would refuse and swear up and down he had somewhere to stay, which Alhaitham knew full well he didn’t.  

It couldn’t hurt to just... not say anything.  

He listened to Kaveh’s frustrated rambling as he guided him to his, technically what has always been their, house. He understood Kaveh’s situation and would do everything in his power to keep Kaveh close to him right now. He could see that he was stretched thin, emotionally, physically and mentally.  

Alhaitham was still running largely on adrenaline from seeing Kaveh in person after 8 years when he promised himself that he would get Kaveh to admit he needed help and accept his offer for them to live together, just like they always said they would back in the Akademiya.  

He was desperately trying to form the perfect request that he was at least 90% sure Kaveh would agree to when he finally reaches his front door.  
Kaveh pressed all his weight onto him and said “You know, I had no idea how much I actually missed you until today, I never thought you’d bring me home like this...” he trailed off, presumably remembering he didn’t have a home anymore.  

“You are taking me somewhere, right? I don’t know how much more rejection I can handle tonight.” Kaveh looked straight into Alhaitham’s eyes through his eyelashes as he rested his head on his shoulder, letting out an almost silent breath of relief.  

Alhaitham can’t believe it, he almost pinches himself at the sight of Kaveh, while inadvertently, admitting to Alhaitham that he wants him to provide a place he can call home. He gets a little bold upon realising this.  
“Technically, Kaveh, I’m taking you to our house.” 

Kaveh just smiles and curls his arms around Alhaitham’s waist,  
“You’ve always been so good to me, Haitham.” 

And, oh.  

Alhaitham feels like all his troubles over the past 8 years have drifted far, far away.  

He squeezes Kaveh's shoulder reassuringly as he turns his key in the door. 

The door of their home.