Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

ooh, she's got her head in the clouds. she's kissing danny rucker while i stare at the ground!

like ooh, i wanna look in her eyes, but every time i do, i think i might wanna die.

“Lanes!” their captain Jayce yells, hands on his hips.

Vi looks up from where she’s sat on the bleacher, absolutely not paying attention to anything he’s saying. Instead, she is gazing pathetically at the cheerleaders across the field.

“Hey, Vi,” Mylo tries, throwing a ball at her face, “Stop being gay and play soccer.”

She could catch it, but instead she blinks longingly at the girls in short skirts and lets it slam against her face. Vi falls off the bench and into the wet grass. Eurgh.

She gets up and grudgingly does dribbles. Then she’s sent for a lap around the pitch when she starts making rude signs at Mylo – who was absolutely reciprocating but managed to pass scot-free under Jayce’s nose. Vi doesn’t mind. She loves running. And this way, she can get closer to the girls. One girl in particular. Caitlyn.

She lets the wind whip in her hair as she sets a steady pace around the field. Vi underestimates her confidence because as soon as she’s within talking distance of the cheerleaders, her heart rate goes right up. She can feel it thumping in her throat. Her face grows hot and her mouth parts as she looks dumbly at the girls doing stretches. A couple give her weird looks but she’s so dumbfounded that she doesn’t even react until Caitlyn turns around. Her hair is up in that messy ponytail. God. She’s so cute.

What is Vi doing? She can’t just run at snails pace and watch them like a perv! She musters a cocky grin and sprints ahead to show off her impeccable speed.

Vi also underestimates the muddiness of the soil after rainfall because she immediately falls on her ass. She yells out as her feet go flying and brown splatters all over her shirt. She spits, looking dejectedly at the ground. Her face reddens. She doesn’t want to see what the cheerleaders are thinking of her. She especially doesn’t want to see Caitlyn’s reaction – which she knows will be scathing because that girl absolutely hates Vi’s goofiness. Pft. Her loss.

Her heart contracts. It’s not really. It’s totally Vi’s loss.

She picks herself up and trudges back to her team covered in mud. Jayce sighs, sending Claggor to get her a towel. Vi wipes herself down and goes back to staring longingly at the girls. If Vi wasn’t such a loser, maybe she could actually have a chance. She’s never seen Caitlyn with a boy before. But then again, that prissy boy-crazy friend group of hers is evidence enough.

She gets up and they have a practice game. Afterwards, as they’re all chugging water down, Mylo pats her back.

“Never gonna happen in a million years,” he says.

She scowls, shoving his arm away.

“He’s right,” Jayce says, “Sorry Vi. Our families are close and she’s never shown interest in girls.”

Vi gets a thick feeling in her chest. She wishes it wasn’t like this. She wishes that she was a boy so that girls would at least look at her. She kicks the dirt, feeling very sorry for herself.

౨ৎ

Caitlyn sits in the janitor’s closet, staring at her shoes. She takes shallow breaths, trying to remember what her mum taught her back in primary school about panic attacks. She has always been an anxious girl, but lately it’s been acting up more. She pushes hair back from her face and tries erratically to lift her jumper over her head. She sits down on the floor, blinking in the dark. She draws her legs up and wraps her arms around them.

It isn’t fair. Every single one of her friends have managed to bag cute dates to the school dance. Caitlyn feels stupid next to them, still hopelessly single and uninterested in every boy. They’re all so stupid. And none of them are gorgeous enough to make up for it.

It’s not as if boys haven’t tried to ask her out. Caitlyn has had countless encounters. She just manages to scare them off every time. She recalls Jake, who had sauntered up to her flirtily after a swimming lesson. She ran into the changing rooms, locking herself up even though boys weren’t allowed in. She recalls Sam, whose face was a little too pink one afternoon in maths. The second he had opened his mouth, Caitlyn threw her pencil case at the teacher – but that one was less of a disaster because Vi got blamed for the crime. The furthest she has ever gotten with a boy was with Danny. He was on her couch with his lips approaching fast. She remembers getting the ick, watching his fluttering eyes, and pushing him off. There were many more such instances where Caitlyn had run away. Now, they are all too scared to try.

She doesn’t know why she’s so afraid of relationships. She also doesn’t understand the appeal of them at all. All that kissing and commitment for a boy who barely has his head attached to his body. She shivers just thinking about it. But Caitlyn still wishes she had a date for the dance. She doesn’t want to be alone. Somehow that is scarier than kissing any boy.

She takes shallow breathes again, trying to fight the feeling to cry inside her. Just as she is regaining her balance, light invades the room and someone crashes into her. She covers her head, squealing as the body crushes hers. The door slams shut and the moron creases over with laughter.

“Excuse me!” she mumbles underneath them. The person jumps off, spooked.

“Holy shit!” they yell, “I thought you were a pile of clothes. Don’t scare me like that!”

Caitlyn blinks at them and her eyes adjust to their features.

Ugh. Vi. She’s even stupider than any boy.

“Caitlyn,” she says, frowning, “What’re you doing in a closet?”

“None of your business,” she says, drawing her legs closer and sticking her tongue out.

Vi inspects her with a quizzical look.

“And why is your hair all messy? And your shirt all creased? Why does it look a like a bird attacked you?”

Caitlyn pinks, remembering how she practically fought her way out of that school jumper.

“Like you can talk!” she retorts, pushing Vi further away.

That girl is always looking scruffy. Always messing her hair up and scraping her knees. In fact, right now she has her shirt untucked and the sleeves rolled to her elbows. And that choppy boy-cut isn’t doing her any favours.

“Just unlike you,” she says.

“Why are you in here?” Caitlyn says bitterly, looking away.

You’re interrupting my breakdown.

Vi sits down properly now, with her legs crossed. Ugh. That was not an invitation to chat.

“Ekko was chasing me,” she says, “Had to take cover.”

“You were running from a little boy?”

“He’s not little!” she says, “A ripe 12 years old. And fast, might I add.”

Caitlyn huffs, putting her chin on her knees. Maybe she can spiral even with Vi here. She’ll just have to do an expert job of ignoring her. Which is a difficult feat – that girl is loud and insufferable. Vi blinks, watching her.

“Caitlyn,” she repeats, “Is something wrong?”

Her skin prickles. And damn her, because now her eyes are wet. She wipes a hand across them and childishly pouts. Vi has no business asking about her life. It catches her off guard though – ever-silly Vi Lanes actually caring about her wellbeing?

“ No,” she says stubbornly. Vi leans forward, tapping her shoulder.

“I don’t mind if you want to talk about it,” she says, “My sister has anxiety too.”

And this pierces Caitlyn right through the heart. She hunches over, resenting Vi. Nobody is supposed to know how anxious she is. Caitlyn has a lot of friends and she is well aware of how they would judge her if she revealed just how shy and afraid she used to be. She hates Vi – this random girl – for seeing through her facade. This wasn’t part of the plan.

But still, a nagging part of her can’t help asking. She shifts so that they’re facing each other in the dark.

“How did you know?”

Vi smiles slightly.

“Noticed the same things as my sister,” she says, “Little habits.”

Caitlyn blinks at her, studying her face. Her cheeks are a nice rosy colour. Vi is really pretty, actually. She has these beautiful grey eyes that get all glassy in the sun. She has freckles too, which get darker in the summer, and soft lips. She likes that Vi isn’t afraid to wear boyish clothes either. On non-uniform days, Caitlyn recalls her wearing jorts and a big t-shirt that was distinctly unfeminine. If she was less annoying, she might be a cool friend.

“All my other friends…” she says, suddenly nervous. She stares at her hands and swallows. “All of my friends have dates to the dance.”

Vi cocks her head.

“That matters to you? I don’t have a date either!”

And Caitlyn doesn’t say what she’s thinking. Well, you’re not me. Everybody expects me to have someone.

“My friends are gonna think I’m a loser,” she says, stretching her legs out, “Which I am. ‘Cause I can’t even get a boy to like me.”

“No boy’s ever come near to me, if that’s any consolation. Of course, that’s because I hit them with a kung fu pose to ward them off,” she says, cracking a stupid smile and slamming her hand out with a little Hya!

“Not consoled,” she mutters. Vi’s shoulders droop.

Caitlyn would feel bad about killing the mood, but she was the one who decided to bombard her breakdown session. It’s her fault, really.

She lets the awkward air sit between them until finally Vi gets the courage to say something.

“Well,” she says slowly, stuttering over her words, “I could–”

Huh? If there’s one thing that Vi is a pro at, it’s being confident. Caitlyn has never seen her nervous in all the years that they’ve known each other. She squints at her through the dark, waiting for Vi to form a coherent sentence.

“I mean. I could be your boy,” she says.

Caitlyn snorts, kicking her with her shoe lightly.

“You’re not a boy, Sherlock.”

“What if you didn’t need one?” Vi says, leaning forward.

Her cheeks have gone red and her skin all clammy. Caitlyn’s breath gets heavier. She stares at Vi’s silver moon eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“You need a date, right?”

Caitlyn nods, heart beating fast. She looks at Vi’s arms, which have doodles riding up them. What a dork.

“Yeah.”

“I can do all the things a boy does,” she says, blinking at Caitlyn with wide eyes.

Her heart does a weird little turn.

“I don’t know…”

“I can!” she insists, a little angrily, “I’m strong. I always help to carry things in class. Most of those idiots can’t even lift a pencil. And I know all the right manners. My dad, Vander, told me all of it. Y’know– opening doors, ladies going first, walking closest to the road!”

Caitlyn giggles at Vi’s outburst, instinctively reaching her hand out to brush the girl’s arm.

“I believe you!” she says, “I guess you wouldn’t be the worst date…”

She doesn’t say my friends will probably still make fun of me for going out with such a goober, because Caitlyn doesn’t care. No matter how goofy Vi is, she’s still kind and sweet and… handsome. A lot better than Sam or Danny or Jake. And god knows, she might actually have fun.

“Really?” Vi says, stupid grin on her face.

Caitlyn stupidly wants to kiss it off.

Chapter Text

“Sorry Caitlyn,” Marci says with a sympathetic smile, “Brady just asked me to be with him.”

She sits back on her chair, feeling absolutely hopeless again. Caitlyn is supposed to be one of the most popular girls in the year! How has she even found herself partner-less for Chemistry? Her cheeks burn, but she pretends not to care.

“Sure! I’ll find someone else.”

The truth is that Caitlyn has no idea how. This whole boyfriend thing has infected more than just the school dance. Suddenly, she seems to be losing everyone close to her just because the boys grew a little taller over the summer. Not her fault they’re just hitting puberty.

She straightens out her short skirt and runs a hand through her hair. If she has to be a total loser, at least she can look cool while doing it.

“Caitlyn,” Ms Danvers says over the lab counter, “No partner?”

She blanches and looks around. No one has heard, it seems. She still shrinks into herself with utter shame.

“Not really Ms Danvers,” she mumbles, “But it’s fine. I can work alo–”

“Caitlyn!” Vi yells across the room.

She laughs, slightly embarrassed as the girl comes hurtling towards them.

“No running in the labs!” the teacher scolds, taking Vi by the elbow, “How many times do I have to tell you? And tuck your shirt in!”

She tugs herself away, running a hand messily through her hair. Caitlyn studies her lovely choppy waves and absolutely electric eyes. What’s she so happy about?

“I can be your partner,” Vi offers, cheeks a cute rosy colour. Caitlyn grins.

“Really?” she says stupidly. The other girl nods quickly, like an eager puppy.

Caitlyn thinks it’s adorable how sweet Vi has grown all of a sudden. Though she has had her reservations about her in the past, Caitlyn can’t ignore how kind she actually is. Even if she’s also kind of an idiot.

“Course,” she says, “That alright?”

Ms Danvers nods, probably glad that Vi has finally paired up with someone sensible rather than her usual partner in crime, Mylo.

Caitlyn rolls her sleeves up and looks at the different vials before them.

“Right, we’ve got to add all these to the spot plate. Do you have a pipette?”

Vi is worryingly close behind her and Caitlyn feels her own breath hitch. She smells like lavender and grass and warmth. Hm. Weird.

“Pshaw,” she says childishly, “We don’t need to follow the instructions.”

Caitlyn blinks at her.

“Do you know the first thing about science?” she says, raising a brow.

Vi slides into the seat next to her. Caitlyn tries very hard not stare at her bulky arms which are displayed from her short-sleeved blouse. She swallows, glancing away. In front of them, Brady and Marci are trying very hard not to snog each others’ faces off. Caitlyn scowls.

“I’ll have you know that my sister is a total geek,” Vi retorts, chin lifted high.

“Your 12 year old sister? Is that supposed to be a flex?”

“Hey! I didn’t ditch Mylo for this treatment!” Vi says, already uncapping a vial and sticking the pipette down, “Don’t underestimate her. Sometimes she helps me with my homework!”

“That isn’t the flex you think it is…”

Vi doesn’t listen. She is too emersed in mixing various colours into the spots. Her tongue pokes out of her mouth and Caitlyn cannot stop staring at it. She isn’t grossed out, for some reason. In fact, she finds it so endearing. It isn’t like all those boys, who act stupid and messy and just ick her out. This is totally different. She’s glad that Vi is taking her to the dance as a friend, rather than having to hang out with one of those dicks all night.

Honestly, Caitlyn would much prefer to kiss someone like Vi. She can picture it. Her soft lips, gentle freckles, glassy grey eyes, and her cute tongue. Caitlyn knows she’s supposed to find it gross, but it’s weirdly… adorable.

She shakes her head. It’s bad enough that her friends are going to question her on partnering with Vi for science. Caitlyn has to get her head out of the dumpster. Girls don’t even kiss girls anyway. Well, some do. But not ones like Caitlyn. Someday, she’s gonna have to settle for a guy. Vi can’t be hers. She should get used to that.

It’s probably better anyway. She couldn’t put up with this doofus forever.

“Earth to Caitlyn,” Vi says, grinning. She blinks, shifting away from her.

“What?”

“Look!” Vi shoves the spot plate towards her.

Caitlyn stares at the floating colours, suspending in bubbles of clear liquid. She smiles, looking up at Vi’s proud face. She really is sweet.

“These are so pretty,” she murmurs.

Vi pinks, pointing tentatively at her creations.

“This one is my favourite,” she says, taking quick glances at Caitlyn.

Chemicals of dark pink and burning orange swim around each other, the white of the spot plate peeking through. It reminds Caitlyn of nights in the countryside where the sky is so clear and the sunset leaves traces of neon above.

“It’s like a sunset.”

Vi nods.

“It was inspired by–”

She pauses, unsure if she should carry on. Caitlyn frowns, studying the anxiety in Vi’s features. She is never scared to speak her mind. Not usually. She nudges her arm.

“What? You can say it.”

“Well, the colours just remind me of the lesbian flag,” Vi says quietly, laughing.

Caitlyn blushes. Oh. That’s fine, right?

“Cool,” she says.

“Really?” Vi blinks at her, looking all sweaty.

Caitlyn doesn’t understand what she’s trying to convey. Then, it hits her suddenly.

Vi must like girls. It makes a lot of sense – all her boyishness. God, does she think Caitlyn will judge her? She tilts her head, unsure how to breach the topic. She hopes her eyes say it all.

“Of course.”

“Cool,” she repeats awkwardly.

To dispel all the tension, Vi busies herself with adding different ingredients to their conical flask. Caitlyn doesn’t check the instructions, having long given up on succeeding. She studies Vi for the hundredth time. Her heart speeds up. Vi likes girls. Vi likes girls. Does Vi kiss girls?  Lucky , Caitlyn can’t help thinking. A heated feeling flares in her chest and she tries to push it down, utterly ashamed to be having such speculations in class.

Before her thoughts can spiral again, a cloud of dark smoke bursts from their table. Her goggles are splattered in grey. Vi’s entire face is lathered in a sooty substance, with parts of it seeping into her hair.

“Violet!” Ms Danvers yells, “How many times?!”

“Sorry Miss,” she says, glancing over to Caitlyn and giving her a cheeky smile.

“Clean this up,” the teacher sighs, “You too, Caitlyn. Get to work.”

Caitlyn has to be ushered out of her seat because she is far too engrossed in staring at Vi through the hidden lens of her goggles. Her cheeks are on absolute fire. Caitlyn wishes she could ask Vi what it feels like to kiss a girl. Maybe she could live vicariously.

౨ৎ

Abigail swerves around the seats to join the rest of their friends. They wait for Caitlyn to join too. She clutches her books, glancing at Vi who is beckoning her over. Is it weird that she sort of does want to sit with her? Caitlyn avoids the glares of her friends as she goes to join Vi instead, setting her English Lit books down carefully.

“How is thou lady?” Vi tries, bowing her head.

Caitlyn can’t look at her for too long. If she does, she gets stuck studying her pretty face.

“How’s your grade in English?”

“Ha ha,” she says sarcastically, “Look what I made!”

Vi bends round to fish through her bag. In the mean time, she finally looks at her friends. They sit in a group, frowning at her. Their lips move quickly and she knows they’re all questioning why she chose to sit with Vi. She has a notorious hatred of the girl. And the worst part is that all her friends agreed with her.

“Origami!” Vi says brightly, presenting a pink swan, “Claggor taught me. He’s super into this stuff.”

Caitlyn forgets about her friends. She grins, taking the paper animal from her.

“This is amazing!”

“Thanks,” Vi says, worrying at her lip, “...You can keep it if you want.”

“Oh no,” Caitlyn says, pushing it back, “I couldn’t. That’s your hard work!”

“No, I actually– well, I made it for you,” Vi says, glancing away bashfully.

Cailtyn’s entire body heats up again. Vi thinks of her? She actually exists within her periphery? She looks down, unable to respond properly.

“Oh. Thanks.”

“No biggie.”

Once the teacher walks in, Caitlyn discreetly packs the swan in her bag pocket. The class gets stuck into their current novel, Pride and Prejudice . It’s proving to be one of Caitlyn’s favourites, so she has little trouble focusing in class. She remains leaning forward, perking up at every question. Vi mostly watches, dazed by Caitlyn’s passion. She doesn’t even try to distract her, which is an impressive feat.

They take turns to read, which is when Vi finally starts her commentary. Caitlyn barely registers her, wholly engrossed in the scene. Mr Darcy is proposing for the first time to Elizabeth. Though she has internally sworn off men, she can admit that it stirs butterflies in her stomach.

“This is stupid,” Vi murmurs, staring at the open page, “Who would actually like this? Dude just sounds pathetic.”

Caitlyn rolls her eyes.

“I find it romantic,” she retorts. She can feel Vi’s careful gaze on her.

“Really?”

“Mhm.”

“Didn’t know you were such a romantic?” she says, leaning down and tilting her head up so that she obstructs Caitlyn’s view.

She looks down at Vi finally. Her cheeks burn stupidly. Ugh. What’s wrong with her? Suddenly, she is very embarrassed about this conversation.

“I am not,” she says stubbornly.

But she can picture it now, like a movie – standing out in the rain in some gorgeous Regency dress. Her lover stands just a few feet from her, drenched too and panting hard. Their muscles would be visible through their white blouse, and fiery hair would slick against their face. She pictures freckles and stormy grey eyes. She would kiss them right there.

“Don’t believe you.”

Vi sticks her tongue out. Caitlyn looks away.

“Shut up.”

Chapter Text

Caitlyn breathes deep. She can feel her anxiety creeping back in as she walks, holding on tightly to her backpack straps for comfort. For a moment, she stops to stare at herself in the locker reflection. She’s still got her cheerleader uniform on from practice that afternoon. Caitlyn fixes her hair clips and checks for any surprise pimples. She doesn’t know why this is so scary. Maybe it’s because Vi is a new friend and Caitlyn rarely extends herself out of her friend group. Even at parties, she only ever glues herself to the people she knows. But Vi isn’t scary. She is surprisingly sweet. Still silly as hell. But sweet too.

She wills herself to keep going. Caitlyn hears her laughter before she sees her. Vi stands at her own locker, unloading a bunch of textbooks as her little sister talks her ear off. Powder, the sister, has a million clips in her choppy braids and a million stickers on her backpack to match.

“Cait!” Vi says, spotting her immediately as she nears.

She stills, unsure how to proceed now. Caitlyn had a whole script planned out. She should’ve known that Vi would throw her off course.

She swallows, trying not to think too much about it.

“Hello,” she says, “I was wondering–”

Powder turns around to blink at her. Her eyes are big and babyish. Caitlyn smiles nervously.

“Well, we have that History project and…” she says, eyes flicking everywhere but Vi’s face, “Maybe you–”

“You’re a lot less cool than Vi made you seem,” Powder blurts, raising an artful brow.

Caitlyn blanches. Oh god. Vi talks about her? She elbows her sister.

“Shut up Powder!”

“What! You’re always going on–”

Vi’s eyes widen and she shoves her away, hand splayed across Powder’s face so not another word can get out. Her sister goes flying back, the weight of her enormous backpack pulling her down.

“Sorry about her,” Vi says, cheeks a cute red colour.

Caitlyn giggles, trying so hard not to stare at her face. She shifts her weight and plays with a strand of hair.

“I was just wondering if you wanted to come to my house tomorrow,” she blurts out quickly, the words mashing into each other. Vi frowns, taking a second to process.

“Oh!” She grins. “Of course!”

Caitlyn’s heart thumps erratically. Not so hard. She wishes everything could be as easy as Vi makes it feel. She wishes she could hang out with her all the time.

“Great. Cool. I’ll… well, I’ll text you the address.”

Caitlyn walks backwards and… salutes. Salutes? Good Lord, no girl has ever been as awkward as her. She’s probably setting records.

Vi laughs, just about to return the gesture before her sister vengefully kicks her in the shin. Caitlyn giggles, an involuntary snort slipping out, and Vi momentarily forgets her pain to glance up and watch.

౨ৎ

“Mum?!” she yells as Vi tentatively follows her through the front door, “We’re home!”

“Your mother is out at the moment, sweetie,” her dad says, shuffling into the hallway with his slippers on, “Can I get you girls tea?”

Caitlyn glances back at Vi. It’s sort of embarrassing how posh her parents and house and life is. She doesn’t want Vi to judge her for it. Vi just blushes and waves her hand.

“None for me, thanks.”

Caitlyn smiles, watching her blunder, before her dad makes his way to the living room. She grabs Vi’s hand once they’re alone and rushes up the stairs. She’s so excited to finally have time alone – without her friends silently judging her – that Caitlyn doesn’t even remember to feel embarrassed about her room. Vi blinks around once they enter.

She hasn’t changed her bedroom in a long while. The lilac walls are full of pictures – days out with friends, her dog in silly positions, all Caitlyn’s celebrity crushes over the years, cool images from magazines, and guns she wishes she could buy.

“I know it’s–” she says, tucking a hair behind her ear.

“It’s so cute!”

Caitlyn bites back a smile, taken slightly by surprise. She turns, resting on her fluffy heart rug. Vi follows suit, flopping onto her stomach and kicking her legs up.

“So I was thinking that we start working on the WW1 post– Vi?”

The other girl tilts her head, stretching her hand out to something under her bed. Caitlyn knows immediately that Monnie must be under there. She laughs, lying down to get a peek of her puppy. Vi picks up a pencil and throws it around a bit, expecting her to grab it. Monnie’s always been a shy girl.

“That’s my dog, Mongoose.”

“That’s a horrible name!” Vi laughs, reaching further to get a stroke of her fur.

Caitlyn winces. She won’t like that.

“We call her Monnie.”

“Hi Monnie ,” Vi says in a babyish voice, shuffling forward.

She sinks her fingers into soft hair, stroking around her ear. Surprisingly, she doesn’t bark or move away. Monnie just melts into the touch, sniffing around her palm. Only seconds later, she escapes from the confines of Caitlyn’s bed and jumps onto Vi.

“Monnie!” she yells, prying her paws off Vi. The other girl laughs wildly.

“Don’t worry! She’s not hurting me!”

“That’s a first,” Caitlyn says, frowning.

All she does is keep sniffing around Vi’s face and licking her cheek.

“She’s so cute ,” Vi says, eyes roving across the puppy’s face.

This makes her heart flip. Caitlyn swallows, suddenly very self-conscious.

“Tell me if you want her to get off.”

Vi shakes her head. Caitlyn pulls out her art supplies from her cupboard and they get to work on drawing their poster. She steals quick glances at Vi, trying not to get caught. For some reason, she feels weird about it. Like it’s something she’s not supposed to be doing. Or feeling.

Vi sticks her tongue out again, stroking Monnie mindlessly, who is still lying in her lap. In fact, she doesn’t leave Vi’s side for the next couple of hours. It’s a little embarrassing. Her dog usually runs away from strangers.

“No no,” Vi says suddenly, snatching Caitlyn’s markers, “You’re doing it all wrong.”

“Oi! I’m doing it perfectly fine.”

“His eyes are totally lopsided.”

“Sorry I only have you for reference,” Caitlyn jokes, poking her tongue out. Vi gasps, affronted.

“Do not bring my beautiful face into this.”

“At least give me one marker,” she retorts, sticking her hand out.

“Fine,” she says, handing it over, “But let me fix this.”

Vi lies down, resting on Monnie who is curled up under her chest. One arm is outstretched to work on the project, the other wrapped around the dog. Caitlyn studies the fading pen on Vi’s arm. She must’ve doodled it on during class, as she always does.

“Don’t move,” she whispers, tracing lines on Vi’s arm with her own marker. She adds a gun, using her knowledge from video games to design it.

“Woah,” Vi says, finally glancing down, “That’s awesome.”

Caitlyn smiles. Her heart jumps all over the place, whispering Vi thinks you're awesome!! But when she looks up, their faces are far too close for her liking.

She goes back to staring at her arm, now hyper-aware of what she’s doing. One hand is holding Vi’s bicep to stop her from moving. Caitlyn’s cheeks heat up.

“Thank you,” she murmurs.

Her doodles become shakier, but she continues persistently as Vi turns back to the poster. And though Caitlyn can feel a little knot of nerves forming in her chest – with this stupid desire to impress Vi – it’s also the most fun she’s had in a while. Something about her presence makes Caitlyn happy. She never has to worry or feel left out or like she’s falling behind.

It isn’t that she sees Vi as anything less than her. Maybe they’re just both weird. Like some sort of misfits. Caitlyn likes that. Without even realising, she rests her cheek against Vi’s shoulder and draws lazy swirls over her forearm. Vi’s breath hitches, but she doesn’t move away or speak.

Caitlyn is glad. She likes being able to let her guard down. It means a lot to her that Vi makes her feel safe enough to do it.

Chapter Text

By the entrance of the school, Vi can see Caitlyn’s swishing blue hair. Her heart stutters. She watches dumbly, admiring how it flows like water. Also admiring how she looks in her uniform, skirt rolled up to show off her legs. Vi wishes she was at least a little in her league.

She is finally jolted from her thoughts once she notices that Caitlyn is holding a big container. This is Vi’s time to shine. She runs up, not even bothering to catch her breath before stealing it from her.

“M’lady. How fare thee?”

Caitlyn smiles brightly. Vi proudly lifts her chin. That’s right. She’s been working on it.

“I’m good,” she says, “But I’m in a bit of a rush. Can I have that back? I’ve got to run.”

Vi swerves away when she tries to take it.

“No worries. I can run,” she says, grinning, “On the soccer team, remember?”

Caitlyn rolls her eyes. Vi can’t help staring at her. She’s so hopeless. It’s a wonder that Caitlyn hasn’t figured her out yet.

“Where ya headed?”

“The lunch hall. It’s ages away!”

“Aha!” Vi says, “You can just take the elevator.”

“We can’t… That’s only for disabled kids and it’s locked .”

Vi shakes her head.

“Oh, you amateur.”

Caitlyn giggles, stopping short when Vi grabs her hand and breaks out into a run. They brush pass Heimerdinger and Vi very narrowly avoids toppling the box over his short frame.

“No running, girls!”

Caitlyn looks behind her.

“Sorry Sir!”

God. What a suck up. Vi loves her.

They walk over to the metal doors at the bottom of the staircase, which Vi has walked through many times before. She hands Caitlyn the box. It started when she was twelve with a broken foot and they made the foolish mistake of handing her a key. A year later, she stole one from their school office. She whips it out of her bag now, giving Caitlyn a wicked grin as she does.

“Perks of knowing the coolest girl in school.”

Caitlyn rolls her eyes, brushing hair over her shoulder. Vi gets a whiff of eucalyptus shampoo and vanilla perfume, and almost drops dead on the floor. She stumbles in after Caitlyn, taking the box back from her.

“You know you don’t always have to do that,” she says.

“Do what?”

“Be chivalrous.”

Vi gasps, absolutely outraged.

“How dare you say that to me! Chivalry is all a knight like myself has.”

Caitlyn giggles, pushing her shoulder.

“Shut up.”

“But princess,” she pretends to lament, “It’s my duty to–”

Caitlyn sprawls a hand over her mouth to shut her up for good. Vi lick her hand. Caitlyn recoils, yelling.

“Eurgh! What’s wrong with you!”

Vi grins, tapping the container.

“What’s in this anyway?”

“Cupcakes.”

“Cupcakes?”

“Yes,” she nods, “I’m helping out with the bake sale.”

“That’s–”

Her words get lost on her tongue as the elevator starts to stutter. Caitlyn holds onto the wall. Vi frowns, staring up at the ceiling.

“What’s happening…”

Vi shrugs.

“It’s fine. Maybe it’s just old.”

They keep moving down at a snail’s pace and Vi internally kicks herself for slowing down Caitlyn’s journey. A good job she’s doing.

“Vi,” Caitlyn says, breathing shallowly as they finally do come to a stop.

The doors don’t open. Vi doesn’t even get to die about Caitlyn saying her name like that because she can see the pure panic settling in. Vi swiftly puts the container down and tries to shove the two doors apart. Caitlyn presses all the buttons frantically.

“Are we stuck?!”

“Maybe,” she says, wincing as she turns to Caitlyn. The other girl’s eyes widen.

“I’m gonna kill you when we get out of here.”

Vi’s face pinks. God. The others were right. She has literally no chance. She already failed the very simple job of taking her to the lunch hall. At this rate, Vi’s never getting a girlfriend.

“It’s fine,” she says, “Let’s not panic.”

Right. She thinks back. How to: escape an elevator alive.

Vi pushes the emergency button. There! Fixed.

But it’s not. Caitlyn slides down the wall and stares at the ground. She hugs her legs and Vi can see her anxiety creeping in.

Good job, Vi. Really well done.

She sits down across from her.

“Hey Caitlyn,” she says gently, pushing her chin up with a finger, “You know it’s gonna be fine, right?”

Caitlyn stares at her, chest moving quickly. Vi’s heart squeezes. The girl is trembling, frozen in fear. She inches forward, recalling all the times that their mother dealt with Powder. She takes Caitlyn’s hand, thumb stroking in circles.

“We’re gonna get help.”

“I know,” she says, squeezing her eyes shut, “I just don’t– I don’t like–”

“Is there anything I can do?” she says, searching her face.

Caitlyn shakes her head. It’s alright. This is okay. She can diffuse this. Vi cups her crush’s cheek, ignoring the absolute fire raging in her chest.

“Ok, let’s breathe.”

Caitlyn’s eyes flutter open again. Vi smiles at her. She presses their foreheads together and inhales deeply. Caitlyn tries to copy her, though it sounds all stuttery. Then they exhale. Caitlyn struggles, air still getting stuck on the way down. But Vi keeps doing it until it finally evens out.

Caitlyn takes shaky breaths, hand trembling inside Vi’s.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, “That was so stupid–”

“Nah. Nonsense, don’t apologise.” Vi flicks her hand.

Caitlyn laughs a little. Vi catches a glimpse of the gap between her front teeth, which always makes her smile seem a bit goofy. It makes Vi’s heart flutter. It makes Caitlyn look more human. Not just like this perfect, prissy teenage girl. And it’s damn cute too.

“I’m still sorry,” she says, sniffing and wiping away a tear from her cheek.

Vi studies her face. Before she can really think about it, she shifts around and presses Caitlyn’s back to her chest. She breathes in the smell of eucalyptus again. Caitlyn welcomes the touch, curling into Vi. She keeps her arms wrapped around her. She can feel her shirt dampen as Caitlyn cries more. Vi doesn’t mind. If anything, she just hates herself for putting her in this situation.

“I’m sorry too,” she whispers into midnight blue hair, “For making you late to the bake sale.”

Caitlyn sniffs one more time, before pulling away. Her face is a little brighter now. Thank the heavens. Vi can finally exhale.

“It’s whatever. It’ll probably be over once we get out, so at least we can do this…”

She crawls over to the container and tears it open. Dozens of cupcakes are stacked inside. Vi’s mouth waters at the swirly pink icing and glazed cherry tops. To her utter horror, Caitlyn picks one out and takes a huge bite from it.

“Go on!” she encourages her, mouth full.

Bemused, Vi takes her own and sinks her teeth into the sugary sponge. She keeps staring at Caitlyn, who has pink icing all over her mouth and nose. She looks absolutely ridiculous. It’s the most laid back Vi has ever seen her. She loves it.

She’s always been this faultless girl to Vi. Always brushing past her in hallways, chin always up, clothes always expensive and hair always perfect. Sure, she has little things – like her anxiety, and her tooth gap. But everything that Caitlyn’s ever had a choice over is pristine. Vi assumed that’s just the kind of person she is. She likes seeing her open up. It makes her own heart twist funnily.

Caitlyn rests against the wall, knees up. Vi does everything in her power not to stare at her exposed thighs.

“You look like a cupcake,” she observes. Caitlyn snorts.

“Rude!”

“It’s true! You’ve got so much icing on you, you practically are one.”

“Eurgh,” Caitlyn says, wiping some of it off her face, “Do not make this a thing.”

Vi winks. “Sure thing, Cupcake.”

Caitlyn groans again, stretching a leg out to kick her lightly.

Chapter Text

Caitlyn leans her forehead against the window. The city pulls further away from them as the coach speeds along the road. Marci hands her a headphone bud and presses play on their shared playlist.

“Something on your mind?” she asks, nudging Caitlyn. She looks up, smiling weakly.

“No. Just admiring the view.”

But it’s a lie. Honestly, she’s just glad that she hasn’t been left alone today. Marci must know that she would’ve killed her for that. Her boyfriend is sitting at the back of the coach with his own friends. Good. Let those boys do their separate thing. Caitlyn wants nothing to do with them.

“You look distracted though,” she insists, titling her head. Black hair falls to the side. Caitlyn is about to reassure her, but her eyes catch on something else instead.

Vi is sitting a few seats down from them on the other side of the aisle. The girl lets out a squeal, leaning backwards as Mylo tries to snatch his phone back. She throws the device to Claggor, then creases over with laugher. Hair falls messily into her eyes and her oversized shirt falls a little off her shoulder.

Caitlyn swallows, utterly transfixed. Vi is just so full of love. So full of happiness and joy. So pretty and confident and with absolutely nothing to be insecure about. She’s strong and smart and caring. And just everything that Caitlyn is not. Suddenly, she wishes that she could ditch her friends again. She misses talking to her, though it’s only been a day since their last conversation.

“Hellooo,” Marci sighs, waving a hand, “Earth to Caity.”

“S-sorry,” she says, forcing herself to look away, “I don’t know what’s up. I think I just need to sleep it off.”

“Well, go on then,” her friend says, pushing her gently against the window, “Get some rest.”

Caitlyn goes back to her staring. She watches the fields running past, cows eating lazily under the sun. Someone on the coach interrupts her peace by blaring their music – some girly 2000s tune. Caitlyn’s initial feeling is irritation. I mean, what sort of bitch plays music out loud? But then she hears Vi join the singing and her heart squeezes tightly. Her voice is raucous and totally off-key. But so cute too. Caitlyn’s heart does a damn somersault. She blinks, grateful that her friend can’t see her face right now.

She suddenly hates that she wasn’t able to sit next to Vi. But most of all, she absolutely hates that Vi has other friends at all. She knows it’s irrational and childish. She just… urgh! Caitlyn’s mouth tightens. It isn’t fair. Why should the kids on the soccer team get more time with Vi than her? If she had known it’d end up like this, she would’ve switched from cheerleading years ago!

Caitlyn fiddles with the wire of Marci’s headphones, quietly seething. Heimerdinger let them write down their preferences before they left for the camping trip. Her and the girls all agreed to write each other’s names down, but secretly she added Vi to her top three. She doesn’t know why she did it. She felt totally pathetic afterwards. But she just thought that being in a group with Vi could be fun . Obviously, Caitlyn must barely exist in the other girl’s orbit and she undoubtedly put people from the soccer team down. Caitlyn will just be forced to watch from afar as she continues to laugh obnoxiously with her real friends, feeling like an idiot for trying.

౨ৎ

“Alright cadets, who’s sleeping with who?”

Jayce stands with his hands on his hips, looking too much like a gym teacher for Vi’s liking. Some of the seventeen-year-olds were asked to tag along to take care of them. She isn’t surprised that Jayce volunteered – he’s always loved sports as a hobby, and his best friend is literally a fourteen-year-old. She still doesn’t get why Caitlyn hangs out with him. Maybe they just match each other’s nerd-freak.

“I’m with Vi!” Caitlyn blurts, snatching her arm up.

Vi’s breath hitches. She tries very hard not to glance down at where the other girl has wrapped a hand round her bicep. She very subtly flexes it.

“Great,” he says, scribbling on his clipboard. Where on earth did he get a flipping clipboard?

Vi steals a look at Caitlyn, who’s still pressed flushed beside her. Her heart is spinning out of control. Caitlyn smiles back, eyes crinkling sweetly.

And they said Vi couldn’t get a popular girl to like her. Pft.

Jayce and Mel gather the supplies for their tent, and Claggor is assigned with the two girls. Vi side-eyes him the entire time that they set it up, silently damning him for ruining their sleeping arrangement. She’s pretty sure Claggor can sense her anger because he looks awkwardly away.

Vi runs to carry all the pegs, poles, and sheets before Caitlyn has to pick a single thing up. All the supplies topple precariously in her arms as they walk back across the field.

“You know I could–” Caitlyn reaches a tentative hand out.

“No!” she blurts, “I want to!”

Caitlyn laughs, ruffling Vi’s hair. Her skin jolts. Oh my god. Oh my god.

She tries to stay nonchalant, but Vi’s pretty sure that her entire face has gone pink.

Even though she wanted to carry all their stuff, she’s admittedly glad when she gets to dump all of it over the patch beside Jayce’s tent. They get to work on slotting the poles through and digging the pegs in. Vi zaps all over the place, trying to get things done before Caitlyn can do much work. The girl eventually opts to sit on the side, resting against her backpack. Vi smiles to herself. Mission accomplished.

“Er Vi,” Claggor grunts as he struggles to stomp one of the pegs in, “A little help?”

She ignores him, looking over to Jayce.

“So how come your boyfriend didn’t join you?” she teases. Jayce rolls his eyes.

“Shut up.”

Mel is lying under the sun, maybe trying to catch a tan and looking gorgeous as ever.

“He said he’d rather kill everyone and then himself.”

Caitlyn giggles. Vi looks over, smiling brightly. She doesn’t get to admire her beauty for long – Claggor walks past and spitefully knocks her head down.

౨ৎ

“Let’s just cut through–”

“Give me the map, Vi!”

“There’s absolutely no way–”

Jayce snatches the paper from her, stretching it out before him. Mel crosses her arms, refusing to listen to Vi’s amazing game plan. Caitlyn rests against Claggor’s side, sweat rolling down her face from the day’s walking and the burning sun. Vi would be lying if she said she isn’t jealous. She scowls at Claggor and he just shrugs, unsure how to help.

“Actually…” Jayce says, finger trailing down the path, “Vi’s idea isn’t so–”

“Do not tell me you’re agreeing with Vi,” Mel says sternly, “Need I remind you that we’re the responsible ones here.”

“Hey! You might look like a goddess but you’re not actually ruler of the world.”

She sticks her tongue out. Mel rolls her eyes, now used to Vi’s persistent flirting.

“Come on.” She gently pushes the map down. “We are not sneaking through.”

“It’ll cut out half an hour!”

“No–”

“Let’s just go!” Vi says, grabbing Jayce’s arm and running towards the gate.

Jayce looks back and shrugs at Mel. They clamber over and walk down the field. The others follow, walking slowly behind.

“We can’t separate, Jayce!” the older girl yells.

“I don’t know about this…” Caitlyn says uneasily. Cowards .

Vi and Jayce continue their walk. Once they’re out of hearing distance, she leans into him.

“I think I have a chance.”

“What?! Do you even know if she likes girls yet?”

“Pft. Whatever. We’re super close friends now,” she brags, “I bet if she knows my true charms–”

“Charms? You mean like when you got suspended for setting the whole science lab on fire just to impress Cassie Wals–”

“You’re not very supportive, you know,” she says, getting out her beef strips to chew on.

In the distance, the others are yelling something. She figures they must be asking them to slow down so Vi just rolls her eyes. But Jayce does turn back and immediately screams. He grabs Vi and starts hurtling down the hill.

“OH MY GOD!” she yells, glancing back at the cows chasing them.

They bump into each other, running for the trees.

“MEL’S ALWAYS RIGHT!” Jayce cries, arms barrelling as he trips awkwardly over his feet.

“OBVIOUSLY. HOT PEOPLE ALWAYS ARE!”

“ NOT THE TIME VI!”

“THIS IS KARMA FOR THE BEEF STRIPS!” she yells, heart hammering.

Jayce grabs her and hides them behind one of the trees lining the farm. Vi falls back on her huge backpack, wiping sweat from her face.

“We’re actual idiots.”

“Yup,” he heaves, creased over.

The others are a long distance away, walking leisurely outside of the farm’s borders. When they finally catch up, Mel just stares down at them with an unimpressed look. God . Can’t take a joke, this one.

They eventually continue their journey, trudging down winding country roads. They pass little cottages and cafes and so many fields that she loses count. They sift through long wheat and mazes of corn, all the while carrying a load on their backs. And the worst part? Jayce keeps changing their direction every ten fucking minutes.

He pauses again, turning the map around.

“I don’t understand where we went wrong.”

Vi groans, falling back on her backpack. She stares up at the blinding sun. They are situated beside a dirt road, absolutely and utterly lost. Caitlyn blinks down at her, before promptly falling by her side. She rolls over to rest her head on Vi’s chest.

Vi almost explodes. Is she trying to kill her? Has this all been an evil ruse?

She’s jolted from her spiraling when Caitlyn then slides a hand around her stomach and curls into her side. Oh god. Don’t move. Don’t move. Don’t wanna scare her away.

“Jayce please,” Caitlyn begs, “I can barely move. Just call the instructor for help.”

“No! They’ll deduct points–”

“Who the hell cares about winning!” Vi groans, flopping a hand over her eyes, “They just made that up so we’d put in effort.”

“You guys are such quitters.”

౨ৎ

As the afternoon sun goes down over the hills, they finally arrive back at camp. Vi runs over to her friends, face red from all the walking, and topples over Gert. Caitlyn grins, a little glow in her chest. She goes over to her own friends and clips her backpack off her shoulders. She sighs and melts onto the grass.

“You were gone long,” Anne says, pouring a packet of flavouring over the camping stove where they’ve already dumped their ramen.

“Don’t,” Caitlyn says, flicking a hand, “Let’s talk about something different.”

Martina perks up.

“We were just confessing first kisses,” she says, munching on her dry cheerios.

Caitlyn pinks. Oh lord. What has she just thrust herself into? Caitlyn hasn’t had a first kiss. Obviously . Because she’s a loser. She rips some grass from the ground and plays with it in a childish attempt to seem preoccupied.

The night wears away and her friends sit huddled around their stove, eating ramen from bowls and giggling about stupid things. Caitlyn pretends to care about her friends’ love lives and finds that she actually can have a good time. It’s only when Martina stupidly asks for her first time that she starts to tense up again.

Caitlyn squirms under their gaze. She looks over Anne’s head and watches Vi laughing with her own friends. Her hair is all sweaty from the day’s walking. Her knees are a little bruised up and dirty after falling a few times. Caitlyn wishes she was over there. She kinda wishes she could be hugging Vi, just be close to her somehow. She remembers that time in the elevator, when Vi’s arms were wrapped around her tightly, her eyes soft and watery and ugh . Caitlyn just wishes she wasn’t here right now.

“Oh it’s not important,” she says, blushing, “It’s so forgettable.”

“Oh please. Everyone remembers their first kiss.”

Caitlyn swallows, glancing around at them. Have they really all had theirs? Has Caitlyn unknowingly fallen immeasurably behind? She smiles weakly.

“I guess. It was just on my couch at home.”

The girls ooh and ahh even though it’s the most boring location she could think of.

“Who with!” Anne yells, patting her leg.

“Uh,” Caitlyn hesitates.

Her eyes catch on Danny. She supposes he was close enough. I mean, he tried it. She just pushed him away. Hopefully, he wouldn’t mind her spreading a little bit of false information.

“It was Danny.”

Martina squeals. “No!”

She nods, giggling as her friends all have their own reactions. They beg her for more details but she refuses, pretending to be enigmatic.

The girls eventually get distracted when Marci breaks out a pack of huge marshmallows and suggests they roast them – though it’s strictly prohibited. They find out five minutes later when Martina’s melts right off the stick and onto the bottom of the stove. Ms Danvers spends the next few telling them off as they sit solemnly, biting back laughs.

Afterwards, they merge together with other groups and brainstorm games for the evening. They gather into a circle and Caitlyn looks over at Vi. Talk to me, she thinks. Look at me .

God, she sounds insufferable.

Caitlyn zones out for a while, so it takes her by surprise when Martina skips over with a coca cola bottle.

“What’s happening!” she shakes Marci. Her friend laughs, shrugging her off.

“Spin the bottle!”

Caitlyn blanches. What the hell. Whose idea was this? She blinks around at the circle, feeling dizzy. In a matter of seconds, she tries to figure out which boy she would be half-alright with kissing. There are girls in the circle too. Does that means she would have to kiss one of them? Her heart thunder, totally confused and scared. Caitlyn looks at Vi and she blinks right back at her.

Caitlyn shuffles slightly out of view so that no one thinks to pick her. A couple of rounds pass and Martina ends up kissing Jake, which makes her pretend-vomit. Caitlyn loosens up at bit. Maybe she’s being silly about this. She laughs with everybody else, giggling whenever the bottle lands on someone and listening to the inappropriate moans that Vi and most of the soccer boys are making.

“Your turn!” Martina shoves the bottle in her arms. Caitlyn scrambles away.

“No no! I don’t– someone else can–”

But then people start cheering and Caitlyn can see the rest of her life ahead of her if she doesn’t do this. You can’t get more loser-y than being too scared to play spin the bottle.

Her hand shakes as she places it in the middle. She avoids everyone’s eyes. Then she lets it spin.

People cheer again as it goes round and slowly it begins to settle. Her heart pounds. She stares down at the bottle, mortified that it actually stopped. What did she expect it to do? Keep going forever?

Caitlyn follows the line from the bottle cap.

She comes face to face with Vi .

Kill her now.

Her friends break out in hysterics. Because apparently it’s absolutely hysterical that she has to kiss Vi. The other girl turns almost as pink as her hair, but she still shuffles forwards willingly. Caitlyn freezes. No way she thinks they’re actually doing this.

Martina shoves her forward. She goes headfirst towards the grass, but Vi’s arms catch her steadily. Caitlyn’s skin heats up at every point where Vi is touching her. She shrugs her off.

Caitlyn blinks at her freckles and blue-grey eyes and soft lips. The thought of kissing Vi doesn’t particularly disgust her. In fact, she might able to do it. But not with everyone watching. Not when her heart is ticking like a bomb inside her. Not when she has to live this down somehow.

Vi smiles shyly.

“You alright?” she whispers, so that no one else can hear.

Caitlyn swallows, brows scrunching together.

“I don’t know,” she whispers back. Vi’s eyes flicker over to Caitlyn’s friends behind her, who are still laughing.

Caitlyn squeezes her eyes shut.

“Go on!” Anne says, “We’re waaitting.”

Caitlyn can feel a soreness climbing up her throat. She can feel a sting behind her eyes. And crying in front of everybody is possibly more embarrassing than having to kiss a girl.

Caitlyn pushes Vi away, running over to the tents. She hears the laughter die down quickly. She knows she’s caused a scene. But none of this matters when she reaches the tent and her breath starts to catch in her throat. Caitlyn clutches at her shirt, willing herself to calm down.

She stares up at the ceiling, watching flies flitter on the outside of the tent. And eventually, it passes. Caitlyn is far too embarrassed to come out though. She hugs her knees and sulks instead.

Only minutes later, Vi follows.

“What’s wrong?” she asks the second her head is through the zipper, “Did I do something to upset you?”

She blinks at Caitlyn with her big puppy eyes – ones that she’s gotten to know well since their encounter in the closet.

“No,” she sniffs, moving over to make room for her, “It’s just–”

The words get stuck on her tongue. Does she dare confess it? Caitlyn isn’t stupid. She knows exactly how Vi views her, how the school views her. This perfect, popular girl with boys falling at her feet. It’s true even at fourteen that she has the sort of features they like. More than other girls at least.

“It’s alright,” Vi says, expression gentle and reassuring, “You can tell me.”

She draws her fingers across her mouth like closing a zip, then pretends to throw the key away. A nervous laugh escapes Caitlyn.

“I’ve, well… I’ve never kissed anyone before. I’d just– I’d hate for that to be my first. In front of everyone.”

Caitlyn turns red. Vi lets out a gentle sigh and smiles. Caitlyn hates having to be so vulnerable. She hates that she is telling Vi this.

“I get it,” she says, shuffling closer.

The light in the tent is dim. The sun outside is going down, and the sky is a hue of neon pink and burning orange. Caitlyn feels safer in here, sitting on their tangled sleeping bags, than out there. She doesn’t want to leave. She doesn’t want Vi to leave either.

“I mean–” Caitlyn blurts accidentally, “I didn’t realise that everyone’s already kissed people! Nobody told me! I just– I didn’t realise how behind I am.”

Her vision gets skewed by tears. She slows her breathing, trying not to get too worked up. Vi is just so understanding. It’s hard not to confess everything to her.

“If you want…” Vi starts, voice quiet and unsure, “I could give you your first kiss.”

Oh. Caitlyn freezes. Her stomach does a literal sumersault. She stares at a spot on the ground, not sure how to reply. Her cheeks glow a rosy red. Secretly she can admit that she’d love to. That Vi is really the perfect person – so understanding and gentle and sweet. In fact, Caitlyn couldn’t think of anyone better. And she’s seen Vi’s lips. She bets they’re soft. She bets they taste like chocolate and oats – from all those breakfast bars she ate on their walk. She bets Vi would be good too, knowing exactly where to press and where to move.

“Sorry,” Vi blurts, “Oh god. Sorry. I didn’t– I didn’t mean that. Obviously you wouldn’t want to kiss me. You meant a boy. Forget I said that.”

Vi searches her face. Caitlyn scrunches her brows.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Just forget it. I promise I’m not one of those girls who wants to kiss her friends all the time,” she says, laughing nervously and moving away.

She frowns. Does Vi think anyone sees her that way? Caitlyn certainly doesn’t.

And besides, if she was, Caitlyn wouldn’t blame her.

“You know, I wouldn’t mind it.”

Vi looks up, suddenly still.

“What?”

“You being my first kiss.”

Vi blinks at her, mouth slightly parted. Caitlyn can’t draw her eyes away. Her heart pounds so hard that she hears the rush of blood in her ears. She swallows, breathing harder as Vi comes closer.

“Really?” she whispers.

Caitlyn nods. Vi’s face gets so near that she can feel soft breath against her cheek. She sucks in air, waiting for the crash. Waiting for something . Soft pink from the setting sun engulfs Vi’s face. Caitlyn feels a thrill running up her body. She’s never felt so electric , being this close to someone else before.

“Sure?” Vi whispers, the word almost getting lost on her tongue as she leans in.

“Mhm–” And this time, it does dissolve in her throat. Vi’s lips press against her own.

Caitlyn’s pulse beats so hard that she feels it in her face. Her hand comes up to gently pull on Vi’s hair. The other girl moves her mouth a little, soft lips catching on Caitlyn’s. She inhales, smelling jasmine and chocolate and Violet. She smiles. Vi.

She doesn’t want to let go of the moment but, almost as quickly as it happens, it’s over. Vi wipes at her mouth, eyes flicking around abashedly.

“There you go,” she says, a little business-like.

“Thank you,” Caitlyn reflects quietly.

“Course.”

Vi smiles. Caitlyn giggles.

They leave the tent together and Vi skips over to her friends, diving onto Gert’s back again. Her friend pushes her away and Vi rolls into the grass, face to the sky. Caitlyn steps over her politely, sitting with her own group which has now dispersed from the others. She glances back one last time. Vi is pulling silly faces at Mylo and Claggor. Caitlyn smiles to herself. They might have Vi’s attention, but she got her lips.

౨ৎ

Caitlyn listens to the crickets, which are loud out in the countryside. Everyone else has fallen silent too, just whispering among themselves in their tents. Caitlyn tries not to stare at Vi pulling her t-shirt over her head. She really can’t help it when she catches a glimpse of her stomach. Claggor is out brushing his teeth, which means they’re now alone. Finally. 

Vi wiggles into her sleeping bag, pulling a teddy out which was tucked under her pillow. Caitlyn giggles. The other girl springs up and turns dark red.

“Oh my god,” Caitlyn says, reaching out to snatch it but Vi swerves, “That’s so cute.”

“Don’t tell anyone!” she blurts.

Caitlyn grins.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” she says, tilting her head, “It’s adorable.”

“Damn right I am,” Vi says, sticking her chin up.

While she’s distracted, Caitlyn steals the bunny. Vi yelps and genuinely pouts , as if scared she’ll do something to harm it. Is she that attached? Aw.

“Rahhh!” she grumbles, putting the bunny’s face over her own and raising its hands.

Vi snatches it back and rolls onto her side. Caitlyn laughs, watching her curled form. She leans down into her own sleeping bag. Their bodies are so close that it sends little fireworks into her heart.

“Goodnight Violet,” she whispers, cheeks still lifted.

The other girl turns around. Their faces are only inches apart. It reminds her of that kiss. Electric.

Vi half-smiles. “Night, Cait.”

౨ৎ

Caitlyn shifts, feeling so comfy and warm. That’s strange. Usually sleeping in a tent leaves her shivering in the morning. She shifts, feeling a weight on top of her. Hair tickles her chin.

Eventually, she musters the energy to open her eyes. And her heart leaps . Somehow, the two girls have tangled between each other. Vi’s sleeping form is stretched out on top of her, cheek pressed against her collar. Huh. Strange. Caitlyn’s arms have wrapped around her neck like her very own teddy.

She breathes slowly, almost enjoying the weight of the girl on her. She studies her face, so deep in slumber. She studies the little crease between her brows. A little drool has formed on the side of her mouth, and her eyes are so gently closed.

After a few minutes, Caitlyn taps her head. Vi doesn’t move, so she nudges her softly until she finally does. She sighs, nose brushing Caitlyn’s neck. Her breath hitches. Oh, they’re in a very precarious position. But then Vi’s eyes flutter open and it’s all over.

“WOAH!”

She scrambles away.

“Morning.” Caitlyn smiles weakly.

“Morning.” She looks absolutely mortified.

Caitlyn can’t help laughing.

Chapter Text

“I wonder who wrote this one,” Marci chatters, holding out one of the heart-shaped cards that Caitlyn received, “I bet it was Sam! You know he’s still not over you.”

Caitlyn nods along, barely listening. She doesn’t really care for all this Valentines stuff. Looking at all the hearts and flowers that have been plastered on every inch of the school makes something twist in her belly. She used to love getting her locker flooded with letters and chocolates, but it’s starting to just become a nuisance. This morning, she spent ten minutes fishing her History textbook out.

Caitlyn stops short. On the other end of the hall, Vi is opening her own locker. A few cards fall at her feet. Mylo and Gert knock her with their elbows but she shoves them off, picking everything that fell.

Caitlyn’s heart squeezes. Vi got cards? Her eyes narrow and Marci’s voice simply dissolves into the background.

Who likes Vi? Caitlyn glances around. Are they here right now? Does Vi like any of them back? Offence seeps in – why wouldn’t Vi tell her about this, if they’re friend now?

“Sorry,” she says, brushing Marci’s shoulder before running up to the girl.

Vi clears her throat and her two friends walk off to class together so that they can be alone.

“Happy Valentines Day, Cupcake!”

Caitlyn narrows her eyes again, tilting her head. She presses her books tighter against her chest.

“I didn’t know you had so many admirers.”

It isn’t meant to sound as bitchy as it does. She immediately regrets where she has led the conversation. Vi diverges onto the arrogant route. She lifts her chin up and puffs her chest out.

“Oh yes,” she says, slamming her locker door shut, “I’m quite a catch among the girls.”

Caitlyn rolls her eyes, but secretly does think back in her mind. She hasn’t heard anyone talking about Vi. But Caitlyn supposes that she doesn’t have any friends that like girls anyway, so why would she… It still annoys her that she wasn’t aware of it.

“Right.”

“As are you with the boys,” she says, stretching a hand out.

Caitlyn feels her heart tighten. That might be true, but it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t actually want them.

“I guess. I wouldn’t ever go out with any of them though. Unlike you.”

It comes out a little petulant. God, Caitlyn is failing this conversation so badly. Vi shrugs.

“It doesn’t matter anyway. None of them signed their names except Sarah.”

She holds up a red card between two fingers. Caitlyn’s cheeks burn. Sarah? Who is this girl? She steals the letter and reads it angrily. At the bottom, her name is scrawled in loopy writing.

“And are you going to go out with her?” she asks. Vi laughs nervously.

Caitlyn is very aware that she’s coming on too strong. But they’re friends, so surely she’s entitled to this information.

“I mean, she is pretty–”

Caitlyn huffs, pressing the card back into Vi’s chest. She doesn’t need to hear any more. She turns and tries to walk away as steadily as possible. That’s fine. Vi finds Sarah pretty and never bothered to tell her. That’s totally fine. Doesn’t mean they’re not still friends. Doesn’t mean Vi doesn’t care about her.

Caitlyn can’t figure out why it feels that way though.

౨ৎ

“Oi Squirt,” Caitlyn says, blocking the short girl’s view. Powder scowls up at her.

“What do you want?”

Caitlyn isn’t entirely sure why their conversations are always so vicious – Vi’s little sister just decided to resent her one day. That never mattered to her until exactly today , when she needs her help.

God, look at that. Caitlyn is so pathetic that she’s turning to a twelve-year-old for help.

“What do you know about explosives?”

Powder’s hateful expression turns into a big, toothy grin. She leans in.

“State your business.”

Caitlyn rolls her eyes, walking them over to the football field. The only people out here are some boys playing with a ball and messing around in the mud. It actually reminds her of Vi. Her cheeks grow warm as she remembers exactly what she’s angry about.

“I need you to help me get revenge on your sister’s groupie.”

Powder blanches.

“Excuse me,” she says, plopping onto the grass, “She would’ve told me about something like that.”

Caitlyn follows suit, crossing her legs a little more politely than Powder. She picks at the grass, still thinking of that morning and the way her heart squeezed when she heard that name on her tongue.

“I thought the same thing. But it’s true.”

Powder scowls.

“I think I have something for you. But I have a price.”

Caitlyn grins, stretching her hand out. Powder is evil, so she doesn’t doubt it’ll be a big one.

Lucky she’s rich.

“Deal.”

౨ৎ

It happens when Caitlyn least expects it. She is sandwiched between Abigail and Marci, listening to them chatting away and wandering off in her own head. The hallways are louder in the afternoon, when people are buzzing off Valentines chocolates, but that doesn’t stop her from overhearing the hugest BOOM! known to man.

Caitlyn flinches back, grabbing onto her friends. Kids scrabble around but she decides to go further, a dread sinking in as she realises exactly who could be behind this.

Sure as day, Sarah is standing by her locker with slime dripping down her clothes. Caitlyn doesn’t mean it. She doesn’t mean it at all, but she can’t stop the giggle that immediately escapes her. She clamps a hand over her mouth. She cannot be caught right now. Damn Powder and her crazy plots. This is not what Caitlyn was expecting. Is it wrong to say that she’s impressed?

The worst part of all this is that Vi is standing to her side with a little bit of slim dripping off her arm too. What was she doing with Sarah? Did she actually take her up on that date?

Suddenly Caitlyn doesn’t feel so bad about the explosion.

“Hah!” Powder yells, jumping from the shadows.

She’s a naturally short girl so it looks completely ridiculous when her head comes up to Vi’s waist.

“What the hell, Powder!” Vi’s face turns a deep shade of crimson.

Caitlyn feels terrible for embarrassing her. In her defense, she had no idea Powder would go this wild. Her heart contracts. What if Vi gets mad at her too? Has she ruined things between them?

“That’s for not telling me shit!” Powder says, poking her sister and artlessly taking the opportunity to swear.

Vi glances between Sarah and her sister, looking utterly betrayed.

“C’mon,” she says, taking the redhead’s arm, “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

And it absolutely stabs at Caitlyn’s heart. The softness in Vi’s voice feels so personal – she hates that it’s being used on anyone other than herself. It makes her think. Is what they have actually special? Has she overestimated their friendship? Her eyes sting and, before Caitlyn cries in front of her friends, she runs away.

౨ৎ

Vi swings her legs, waiting on one of the nurse’s beds while Sarah gets cleaned up. She seethes . Vi can’t believe Powder would do something like this. She always knew her sister was psycho, but never thought she’d go this far! Vi has already decided that she won’t be speaking to her for as long as she can manage before their mom forces her to.

The door creaks slowly open. Vi doesn’t bother to look up until familiar blue hair fills her vision.

Ugh!

“Go away,” she says petulantly, turning her face away, “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“I have to apologise to you. And that bitch Sarah,” she says, slight lisp coming out.

Vi flashes around.

“Why do you have to be so mean?”

Twelve years old and already a bully. How did their mom and Vander mess up so bad?

Powder shuffles forward and climbs onto the bed. She almost tries to curl up into Vi’s side, but she shifts away before her sister can more than think about it.

They are silent for a minute. Vi doesn’t care about what Powder has to say. Mostly, she just wants her to leave. Anger boils under her skin. Her sister plays with her plait.

“It’s just–” she stutters, “I hate that you don’t tell me things anymore. It made me angry.”

Vi looks down at her big blue puppy-eyes. Won’t work this time.

“You know, you can’t do something evil and then come back looking all sad and mopey, expecting me to just forgive you.”

Her sister frowns angrily, but doesn’t retort whatever childish thought is going round her head.

“You don’t understand,” she says, kicking her shoe gently into Vi’s shin, “You used to tell me everything.”

Her voice wobbles. Vi knows that sound so well. It means she’s about to cry. God. Don’t cry , she thinks spitefully, then I’ll look like the mean one.

“Now it feels like you’re growing up without me. I feel left behind Vi. Like you care more about your friends and being grown up than me.”

Vi sighs. She doesn’t know what to tell her. She doesn’t know how to say that it’s not true – that nothing could be more important than family to her, while also putting up boundaries between them.

“Some things aren’t meant for you,” she says, willing herself to look Powder in the eye, “There’s just stuff that I can’t tell you about. Doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

Powder grinds her teeth, probably unsatisfied with Vi’s answer. After a moment of silence, she decides to confess it.

“For the record, I don’t have a thing for Sarah. And I wouldn’t have gone out with her.”

Powder grins cheekily, swinging her legs.

“Good because I’m pretty sure Caitlyn has the hots for you.”

Vi blanches, lunging forward to cover her sister’s mouth. She glances around anxiously, waiting for someone to pop out and start gossiping right away.

“Don’t say that!”

Powder bites her finger and she yelps, drawing away.

“You’re so evil,” she mumbles, cradling her hand.

“It’s true though! Caitlyn was the one who asked me to sabotage Sarah!”

Vi’s heart drops to her stomach. She has no idea what to think. Caitlyn? But she’s straight – apparently . There’s no way it was…

“Why?”

Powder shrugs, utterly uninterested in the topic.

“Didn’t give much explanation. I try not to ask too many questions. I run a risky business, you know.”

Vi laughs, pulling Powder into her arms. Her sister pretends to struggle, but eventually curls up into her side.

౨ৎ

Caitlyn waits by Vi’s lockers as other students file out of the school, some holding flowers or chocolates or hands. She stares at the ground and listens to the thudding of her own heart. It’s beating out of her chest. She knows that she has to do the grown up thing and apologise. Caitlyn just wishes that it didn’t suck so much. She wishes that she didn’t ruin Valentines like this.

“Caitlyn?”

Her head snaps up. Vi walks forward, hands in her pockets. Caitlyn studies her. God, she’s so pretty. And so kissable. Caitlyn wishes that was an option right now.

“How are you? And Sarah?”

“Fine,” she says, coming to lean her shoulder against a locker.

Caitlyn has seriously never seen anything so hot in her life. Her eyes flick away, trying to land on something less distracting. Ever since that kiss – no matter how platonic it was – she’s been thinking about Vi. Really thinking. It sort of scares her how infatuated she is with her friend.

Sometimes, in the dead of night, Caitlyn wonders if it’s something more.

“I need–”

“Powder told me that you asked her to do it.”

Caitlyn’s heart drops. Oh god. Oh no. She’s going to lose Vi. She has majorly messed up. Her cheeks burn up and she blinks at the ground, unable to meet her eye. How does she even make up for this?

“I’m so sorry, Violet,” she blurts, “I don’t know what I was thinking. I know it was–”

“Don’t sweat it, Cupcake.”

Caitlyn blinks up. Vi’s cheeks are their usual cute rosy colour. A gentle smile has spread onto her face. Caitlyn’s heart contracts like nothing before. She would do anything to be able to step forward and get engulfed in Vi’s arms right now.

“What?”

“I mean– maybe you should apologise to Sarah. But not to me.”

“Really? I ruined your Valentines Day though,” she says as they walk towards the exit together.

Vi laughs.

“You really didn’t.”

“I literally sabotaged Sarah.”

Vi hesitates for a moment, wondering if she should say whatever’s on her mind. Say it, Caitlyn silently insists. Say whatever’s on your mind. I love hearing you talk.

“I wasn’t going to go on that date with her,” she says quietly, as they walk through the empty parking lot.

“You weren’t? Why not. She’s so pretty.”

Vi shrugs. “Not my type.”

Caitlyn’s cheeks burn as they discuss this topic – Vi’s type. She doesn’t know why it’s making her stomach flip so crazily. She’s not homophobic, is she?

She rubs her arm, looking instead at the bus stop and couples walking across the roads.

Oh god. What if she is?

“Interesting.”

“Besides, I wanted to ask someone else to be my valentine anyway.”

Caitlyn flinches at these words. Vi wanted to ask someone out. Vi likes someone. She doesn’t know why tears start stinging behind her eyes. Caitlyn grits her teeth, willing herself not to be so possessive of the girl that she’s been friends with for barely five minutes.

“Oh. I’m sorry that you didn’t get to do that either.”

“It’s alright,” Vi says, nudging her arm and sending sparks all the way up her skin, “I’m pretty sure I would’ve gotten rejected. Being the loser I am.”

“You’re not a loser,” Caitlyn giggles, “A little chaotic, sure.”

“I think you’re calling me a loser, Cupcake.”

“Am not!”

“Maybe you can buy me a cupcake to make up for it,” Vi says, grinning stupidly.

Caitlyn looks up to see that they’ve arrived at their local mall. She did have plans for a Galentines dinner with her friends, but this just seems a million times better. She would spend every day with Vi if she could. She’s the kind of girl you don’t get tired of.

They walk around the ground floor and Caitlyn buys Vi a pink cupcake to match her hair. They settle down by a bench near the fountain of two cupid babies spurting water from their arrows. Pink and red decorations adorn every shop. Hearts hang from the ceiling too.

Vi pulls out a box of chocolates from her bag and offers it out to Caitlyn. She figures that Vi’s date was already ruined so she picks one out and pops it in her mouth.

“Sorry again for ruining your chances at a date.”

Vi smiles, tucking a hair behind her ear. Caitlyn studies it so carefully.

“It’s really okay. At least I got to eat these chocolates.”

Caitlyn laughs, picking another one out.

“You deserve something in return.”

“Like what?” Vi grins, leaning in a little closer.

Caitlyn’s heart leaps into her throat. God! Vi needs to know that she can’t just do that!

“I don’t know. A poem maybe,” she says, trying very hard to maintain eye contact, “Let’s see. Roses are red, violets are blue…”

I have a crush on you.

“Caitlyn?” Vi questions after she falls silent.

What the hell did she just think?

She shifts away, looking everywhere but her face. Her chest tightens with that awful feeling of anxiety that she’s so accustomed to. This is awful. Does Caitlyn actually have feelings for Vi? That can’t be right…

Trust Caitlyn to ruin the best friendship she’s ever had right after finding it. She pushes the feeling down and stares at the aquamarine of the fountain. It reminds her of Vi’s eyes. Damn everything.

“I don’t know what rhymes with blue,” she lies.

Vi guffaws and the sound makes her entire body light up.

“And you call yourself good at English!”

Caitlyn smiles weakly, but she is too fixed in her own thoughts to see the humour. She shifts away from Vi even more and considers what her next move could be. She can’t confess, can she? She doesn’t want to ruin what they have. And besides, in gay-world it seems that Vi is way out of her league.

“Cupcake…?” Vi says, waiting for some sort of response.

She chews her lip, trying to block the sound out.

The only thing to truly snap her out of her thoughts is Vi smacking a handful of cake into her face. Caitlyn squeals and then just gapes at her.

“What the hell!”

“Food fight?” she says, cheeky grin on her face.

Caitlyn gasps, all other thoughts dissolving as she wrestles Vi for the cake. Vi shakes her head and begs her for last-minute mercy before she smears icing all over her cheek.

“I’m sorry! Be kind!” she says, bracing her head as Caitlyn gets another chunk in her hair.

A giggle escapes her as Vi takes hold of her arms, locking her in place, and leaves a smudge of icing on her nose.

“Let me go!”

“Never!” Vi yells.

Then suddenly Caitlyn is very aware of the position they are in. She breathes shallowly, trying to forget the feel of Vi’s hands on her arms. And the feel of her back pressed against Vi’s chest. And the feel of Vi’s breath right against her cheek.

“Caitlyn?”

She turns her head slightly, catching the baby blue of Vi’s gaze. She risks it. She’s tired of pretending not to be a clingy, possessive sort of girl. She wants Vi to know how much she means to her.

“You know I have more fun with you than anyone else.”

Vi’s smile drops. Her eyes flicker across Caitlyn’s face and it takes everything in her not to squirm. Only moments later, Vi drops her arms and shifts slightly away.

Was that the wrong thing to say? Has she messed up for the billionth time?

“Me too,” she whispers, cheeks pink, “Do you…”

“Violet?” She tilts her head. Vi breathes for a moment, before having at it.

“Do you want to come over to my house tonight?”

Now Caitlyn’s smile drops too. She has no idea what to say. Can she survive that? Surely not. But she wants to hang out with Vi and the desire to be close to her overrides any other logic.

“Okay!”

The two girls stumble back to Vi’s house, giggling and laughing and licking cupcake icing off their faces. Vi isn’t allowed to bring girls home this late, so they have to sneak up through her bedroom window. Caitlyn lands with a loud thud on the ground and winces, wildly afraid of getting caught.

They spend the evening chatting away. Vi digs out the piercing gun that Gert snuck over and presents it to Caitlyn. It’s possibly the worst decision she’s ever made in her life when she actually agrees to try it out. Only minutes later, she is holding the gun to Vi’s helix, almost too afraid to look.

“Do it!” she whispers.

“I need to get the aim right!”

“Just improvise!”

“Let me think!” she says, breathing heavily as she holds her arms out stiffly.

“Caaaitlyn!”

“Just fucking do it!” Powder yells from under her bedsheets, the glow of her Nintendo switch lighting up her silhouette.

Caitlyn jumps, just now remembering that she overheard their whole conversation.

“Alright! Here goes nothing.”

Vi bites down on her own arm as Caitlyn pierces the earring through.

“Oh lord!” she yells dramatically, slumping into Caitlyn’s arms, “You’ve wounded me!”

“You asked me to!”

“But it hurts!”

“What did you expect?” she giggles, stroking her hand through Vi’s hair.

Despite the butterflies dancing around her stomach, it feels like the most natural thing in the world. Her fingers run over soft, warm skin and her cheeks glow brightly.

She is just glad that the dark conceals her.

“Beauty really is pain,” Vi sniffs, burying her face in Caitlyn’s lap.

“Oh you big baby!”