Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Make... no mistake. I'm a sociopath. Fuck, that sounded evil— let's rewind a little.

I grew up, all over Coastal America. House, after house, after restraining order everything just kind of blends in.

If the divorce rate is fifty-fifty, my mom landed on tails like eight times. So by the time I was fourteen, right? I moved from seven different houses and attended six different school districts. After a while, you don't see a point in making friends.

The 'Vitamin C Graduation Song'? Yeah, can't relate. But then one year all of that... Almost changed? For the first time ever i found myself in a school for two consecutive years, going on three!

And then I like... Starting turning pretty a month into highschool so the "guys hitting on you" social leverage was really awesome. The popular girls would talk to me all the time... And they were just STUPID. Like they'd always been pretty, never left out, never alone... And when I think about it, all the thinking I've ever done was when i was alone. I was nice about it and thought I'd always be nice about it.

Finally in one place to build a steady reputation.

And then life said "Fuck that."

My piece of shit gamer brother got us evicted for pirating breakbeat mixtapes. It's like not even good music!

Anyway, so mom was crying packing up the moving boxes and that's when she told me we're moving out of state! And I just got settled!

I said "fuck you, I'm living with dad," he's just a neighbourhood down. I put the boxes down, go over, knock on the door and BOOM! A gunshot! My second Christmas killed himself!

I walked in, floor looked like a whole asd video game, just blood everywhere. And get this his suicide note was stuck to the fridge with a cookie monster magnet! All he wrote on it? "Nicoles fault".

I'm Nicole by the way, hi. WHAT THE FUCK did i do to him?? Maybe, I missed the office soft ball game? Men are so into this 'revenge suicide' thing.

But whatever! It doesn't matter, nothing matters. I'm moving, again.

City, county, state; all the same fate. But I always said that while leaving. This time? It's on arrival.

Chapter Text

September 2007

"Hey, so, for the senior prank this year what if we like.. parked our cars where we don't usually park them!"

Laughter erupts throughout the main hall, surprisingly from both the guys and girls, "Oh my God, that is soo funny," one girl says.

"Heh, yea math class with Mr burleday? Huh yea like fuck Mr burleday, dude." And he laughs like it's the funniest thing in the world.

"God, they are never funny," I say after everyone leaves the hall, "it's like the girls just laugh to avoid sexual assault." I roll my eyes, then i see some other guy walk up to me. I prepare myself for some kind of joke.

"Heeyy, yo, you new to this educational prison?"

Knew it. But i actually laugh, "Wow, that was funny,"

"Yea, I'm getting into like humour and stuff—anyway, you know anyone around here? Know where your classes are?"

"I mean kinda?," I put my hand into the right pocket of my white zip up hoodie. "There's like numbers on the doors, I think i can figure it out."

"No— no, no, no, no, no. i can show you around, like- like a school tour, you wanna do that? You up for that?"
This guy asks a lot of questions that mean the same thing, but you know what? Sure.

*Outside*

This guy talks a lot, like seriously if he says one more fucking word about video games im going to kill myself. I zone back in to say, "Why are you talking to me about video games?"

He turns around to face me, "Just, something y'know?" He pauses, "What you don't like, play video games or something?" And for a second I'm kinda offended.

"I'm a thin girl, do i fucking look like i play video games?" He opens his mouth to speak, but I don't let him. "I'd rather play dead at a necrophilia convention." Wow, I'm actually really proud of that one. He takes a while to respond.

"Oh, well, yea, y'know...."

I raise an eyebrow, "I know what?"

"Did...did you hear about how mountain dew makes guys sterile?" I roll my eyes in my head.

"Yea, from you and every other guy who reads the internet to try and be interesting—" I get cut off by some guy who was shoved on to one of those metal trash bins that're stuck to the ground.

"Haha, nice rolley back pack, you fuckin' four eyed, double dick suckin' bitch!" The guy that was talking was significantly taller than the guy on the ground right now. I purse my lips restraining a laugh that's choking me from the inside.

"Hey, stop kicking it! This backpack holds priceless reading materials,"

Tall guy scoffs, "oh yea? Like what? Bernstein bears make eye contact?"

"Hey, what is this? Fourth grade? It's home to some of my favourite manga books."

"Manga? What is it like asian or something?"

"Japanese, thank you," nerd corrects him as if Japan isn't in asia. "Some of which go on the be very popular television shows!"

"Wait, can't you watch half of those on cartoon channels? Why the hell would you read it?"

"Ughh, that's it!" I genuinely feel embarrassed for this guy.

I cross my arms, "Dude, how do you care about anything this much?"

Nerd guy notices me, "What do you mean?"

"Like, okay, he thinks your chinese cartoon books are stupid why defend it?" Yes, i misnationalised it on purpose. Sue me.

"Stay out of this you—you girl!" He points at me. He's very cartoonish, talks, acts and even moves like one it's honestly so stupid.

"I'll just let this play out," i raise both hands in surrender while taking a small step back.

"I should beat your ass for liking anime."

"Wha-what are you talking about?" Nerd guy shrinks back.

"Yea, do it im bored." I add.

"Yea, do it, yea, yea." God, he's so annoying.

"Don't pull my hair!" The nerd says as a last minute plead.

Then he swings.

"Aw, I broke his glasses, I gotta split!"

"Oh, yea me too, I'm on probation!" He said, more to himself than anything. "See you around," he says running off.

Nerd guy sits up, "Why aren't you running off with them?

"They're pussies, I'm not afraid to watch someone grovel in pain."

"Well they're all just—assholes!" He says, collecting his books from the ground. "That guy's been making fun of me for liking anime since sixth grade!"

"Then just stop liking anime?" I ask, as if it's the easiest thing in the world, cause it is especially when it's for something like anime.

"But I cant to that, anime is my favourite thing ever," he says while standing up, "My life!"

"How are you emotionally invested in consumption? Are you trying to make anime? I don't get it."

"Kinda—i make fanart based off the works of Sento Takahashi," i give him a blank stare.

"You know that anime will exist with or without you right?"

"No!" He pauses. "Wait, what do you mean?"

"Like—Senti Takamoki or whatever the fuck his name is—if you die he wouldn't care. He wouldn't even know."

"What's your point?" God, why do i bother?

"How do you give a fuck about anything that doesn't give a fuck about you?"

"Hey! In a translated news letter he says, thank you to each and every one of his fans!" He puts the sode of his fist to his chest. "That includes me!" Huh. Really?

"Oh, he writes in English?"

"No, his fanclub translated it from Japanese."

"That's my point, he can't even can't even talk to you. You think he cares about you?"

He takes a second to process. "Well...uhh."

"Anyway, you wanna stick to being beat up over children's media I'll leave you to it." I shrug and start walking.

"Wait!"

"Huh, what?" I turn back around.

"Thanks, for talking to me, not many people are as nice to me as you are."

"That was nice to you? God dammit!"

"Yea, I'm Jeffery by the way, what's your name?"

If i give him my name'll he look me up on myspace? "Ugh, Nicole."

"Wow, ok, bye, Nicole—"

"Yea, yea ok," i rush off hoping no one saw me talk to him for that long.