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“That wasn’t so difficult, was it?”
Hera shuddered as Maul’s laugh echoed against the walls of the Ghost. Stumbling backwards, she felt fear and shame overwhelm her. She’d tried to resist Maul’s use of the Force to break into her mind. But it hadn’t been like the Inquisitor. Instead of brute force, he’d slipped around her guards like a snake in the grass, and plucked the information from her mind.
The story Kanan had told her, about how Ezra had joined the crew. How he’d stolen the holocron from him, and Hera had joked he should find a better place to hide it. She’d showed him the secret compartment in the side of his bunk, and he’d thanked her with his usual easy grin.
It had been so long ago, back when their crews had first merged. She’d never thought that memory would be ripped to the front of her mind and used to hurt the people cared about most.
A hand grabbed her by the shoulder, and suddenly she was face to face with Maul, his yellow eyes peering into hers. “Now,” he hissed. “Give me the location of your base, or the rest of your crew dies.”
What? No, I can’t—this isn’t how things— Hera stumbled backwards, head spinning. “I can’t,” she managed.
Maul’s grin was cold. “No matter. I shall take it from you. And your friends will die regardless. I already have the Jedi.”
“What?” Hera froze, panic rattling through her as a shape moved from out of the shadows. It was Kanan, his gait awkward and stiff. When he lifted his head, his eyes glowed green.
“No,” Hera whispered.
“Yes,” Maul chuckled. “And now you will give me what I want. And you will all burn!”
He lunged forward, and Hera jerked backwards, panic thundering through her body. Suddenly she was falling, farther than the floor of the Ghost —
Hera sat bolt upright in her bunk, heart pounding an erratic rhythm against her breastbone. Gasping for air that barely seemed to satisfy her lungs, she clawed at her blankets, shoving them aside so she could scramble to her feet. The cold floor of the Ghost underfoot shocked her a little, pulling her back towards reality.
It’s not real. Maul isn’t here. She took a deeper breath, pacing back and forth in the confines of her room. You’re safe. You just dreamt about that because Ezra and Kanan had to deal with him. That’s all .
It had been a while since she’d had a nightmare that vivid. There had been quite a few after the crew had been taken captive by the former Sith lord. But then they’d slowly come to a trickling stop, and for a while Hera had assumed they were over.
And then Ezra had started hallucinating Maul. And he, Kanan, and Sabine had come back from dealing with him with a horrifying story that sent chills down Hera’s spine. Nightsister spirits and possessions and things that came straight out of a horror story. Things Hera couldn’t begin to fight, on her own or on behalf of her family.
She’d woken up panicked like this the past two nights. And she didn’t see a real end to it any time soon.
Suddenly, the room felt too small. Like it would close in around her. Pushing away the momentary paranoid whisper that said Maul could be lurking in that very hallway, for all she knew, Hera stepped towards the door and keyed it open.
The door hissed open and her heart nearly stopped. There was someone standing in the hallway, right in front of her door. But then she recognized, in the dim light, the set of his shoulders and the shape of his face, and her heart settled a little. Though she was still fairly confused.
“Kanan?”
“Hey,” he said quietly. He was wearing loose pants and a faded shirt, his hair loose around his shoulders. “Are you okay?”
The question was so gentle, yet so matter of fact, that it almost undid Hera. Taking a quick breath and hoping it didn’t sound as shaky as it felt, she said, “Why do you ask? And why are you standing out here in the middle of the night?”
“The same reasons. The past few nights I’ve sensed something was off around this time. And then tonight…” he trailed off, concern tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Hera. What’s going on?”
Kark . Hera took another breath, acutely aware of how it wavered. “I’m—it was just a nightmare. I’m fine.”
Even to her own ears, it sounded more like she was trying to convince herself, not him. His expression softened, clear even in the dim light. “Are you sure?” he asked quietly. “Because you don’t have to be.”
And that was just enough to almost push Hera over the edge. She pressed her eyes shut reflexively against tears, and felt Kanan’s hand on her shoulder. Gently, almost tentatively, he pulled her closer, and Hera collapsed into his arms.
Pressing her face against his shoulder, she took a deep, shuddering breath. “Hey,” Kanan said softly. “It’s okay. I got you.”
Hera let herself cling to him for a few more seconds, longer than she probably should have. Then, reluctantly, she pulled back, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Lifting an eyebrow, Kanan said, “It’s not like you could control it. And I’m glad you did. Now, don’t go all General Hera mode on me—what can I do to help? Where exactly are you headed this time of night?”
“Anywhere,” Hera admitted. “I just…I can’t be in my room right now. It feels like I can’t breathe in there.”
“Hmm.” Kanan rubbed at his chin thoughtfully. “Okay. On top of the Ghost ?”
“Kanan…you should go back to sleep. I can’t ask you to—”
“You can. Do you want me to leave?”
Kriff it. She should have said no, but… “No,” she said. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”
A small smile lifted the corner of his mouth. “Good. Let me grab a blanket.”
He ducked into his room, then came back out with one of the blankets Chenni made—wide and soft, striped in blue and green and gray. Tucking it under an arm, he said, “Shall we?”
Together, they slipped down the hall and through the airlock at the top of the Ghost . Outside, the Atollon night air was cool, and Hera shivered a little as a breeze swept by.
Catching hold of her hand, Kanan tugged her towards the back half of the ship, where they settled themselves with their backs against the Phantom. Kanan wrapped the blanket around both of their shoulders loosely, swathing them in warmth. Sitting back, Hera let out a long sigh, releasing some of the tension that was knotted in her chest as she stared up at the stars overhead.
“Better?” Kanan asked, slipping his arm around her shoulders under the blanket. Willingly, Hera moved closer, her hip pressing against his, shoulders overlapping.
Resting her head against him, she said, “Much. Thank you, love.”
“Any time. Do you want to talk about it?”
Hera bit her lip, fixing her eyes on a particularly bright star above them. “Just…some bad memories resurfaced recently. When…when Maul showed up.”
She felt him tense a little, and glanced at him. Kanan’s expression was tight as he said, “You should never have been in that circumstance. Maul taking you captive was—”
“Not your fault, Kanan,” Hera interrupted him gently. “It wasn’t your fault, and it is what it is. But…I led him straight to your holocron. Let him take it and destroy a part of your heritage. He grabbed it out of my mind like it was nothing, and—there was nothing I could do. I was helpless.”
She stopped, shutting her eyes tight again, trying to hold back tears. Breathing deeply. “It was just…it shook me. And having him come after you again, and hearing what he did to you and Sabine—”
“Hey,” Kanan said. “We’re okay. Ezra saved us, and it would have been okay, no matter what.”
“You don’t know that.”
He was silent for a moment. “Maybe. But I know Nightsister spirits and washed up Sith lords aren’t going to keep me from getting back to you. Nothing could. And Ezra would always have found a way. That kid’s inherited your stubbornness.”
Hera snorted. “I think he got that from you, too, dear.” Letting out a long sigh, she said, “I just…I’ll be very glad if we never have to deal with Maul again. He’s tried to take you from me far too many times already.”
“Agreed,” Kanan said. “For what it’s worth, if we see him again, I can call Ventress and ask her if she wants to do some freelance assassin work again.”
“Don’t tempt me.”
She felt him chuckle, and a kiss brushed against her forehead. “In all seriousness, though—I know I can’t control your nightmares. I can be here for you, though. So don’t be afraid to come find me if it happens again. Got it?”
“If I say no, you’re just going to be lurking outside my room again, aren’t you?”
“Probably, yeah.”
Hera laughed. “Fine. I’ll…do my best.”
“Good enough. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten a chance to chase someone’s nightmares away, it’ll be good to use those skills again.”
Glancing at him, Hera said, “I wasn’t aware that was a skill you possessed.”
“Oh, yeah. Ezra used to have them a lot when he was younger. So I developed a technique for getting him back to sleep that, with a little tweaking, might work pretty well for you.”
“Do tell.”
“Gladly.” Shifting around a little, Kanan rested a hand between Hera’s shoulder blades. Gently, he started tracing patterns across her back as he said, “This is step one. Helps soothe a little, and it feels nice.”
“It does,” Hera agreed, letting her eyes drift shut. “What else?”
“Projecting peace through the Force. It helped Ezra realize he was safe, and that I was there for him. I’d do that, but it’s a pretty surefire way of putting you to sleep. So I might wait on that.”
“Good idea,” Hera said, smiling a little. “I’m not ready to sleep just yet. Is that it?”
“That, staying with him, and a cup of tea if things are really bad. There was this blend I used to drink as a kid, and Kasmir managed to find a little bit of it on the black market. I’ll make you a mug sometime.”
“Sounds nice,” Hera murmured. “You’re a good dad, you know that?”
Kanan gave a little hum of response, but Hera felt his hand hesitate for a moment. “That…is actually the perfect opening to something I’ve been wanting to ask you about.”
Hera opened her eyes, glancing at him. “Really?” Oh, this is definitely about the Emperor’s Hand—or Mara, I suppose. Kanan had told her about the encounter he’d had with the girl, and it had been incredibly clear that he’d been worried about her. That he’d wanted her away from the Empire, and soon.
His words were hesitant. “Do you…want kids?”
Hera stared at him. “Kanan. We already have like five. Six if we include the Hand.”
“Mara—and we don’t, not yet. But that’s not what I’m talking about.” Running a hand through his loose hair, Kanan said, a little nervously, “I mean, do you want to have kids? Someday, in the future.”
“Oh.” Surprise flickered through Hera, pulling her out of her sleepiness. “I…haven’t thought about that in a long time, honestly.”
“That’s okay,” Kanan said immediately. “I was just—well, we’ve been together for a while now. It feels like something we should talk about.”
Nodding, Hera said, “You’re right.” She thought for a moment, studying the stars pensively. “Yes. And no—I mean, with the galaxy the way it is? Both of our people are hunted at every turn, and we’re starting a war against the force that’s doing it.”
“There’s never going to be a perfect time for something like that,” Kanan pointed out quietly.
Hera grimaced. “I know. The galaxy is a mess, and that’s…not really going to change my mind right now. But…”
For the first time, she let herself picture it. A little girl with Kanan’s eyes and her skin tone, or a little boy with lekku. Force knew what their kids would end up looking like, but Hera knew, without a doubt, that they would be beautiful. “Someday,” she said, her voice soft. “Someday, I would like that a lot.”
“Yeah?” Kanan’s voice held a hint of hope, and Hera let herself smile.
“Yeah. If it can happen. Hybrid relationships can be tricky, and a lot of the time it doesn’t even work out. We should probably do some research.”
She glanced back at Kanan to see him nod, a small smile crossing his face. “Good point. Still, that’s…that’s good to hear.”
“I suppose there’s no point in asking if you want kids,” Hera said wryly, and he laughed.
“Fair enough. Actually, I didn’t really think about having my own kids for a long time. But then…well. You happened.” Kanan grinned, and Hera felt herself flush. “I know, you hear that a lot from me. But it’s still true. Without you, there’s a lot of my life that would be so much… less.”
Shifting a little, Hera turned to face him. His eyes seemed to focus over her shoulder, unseeing, but his expression was attentive as he waited for her response. “I don’t say it nearly enough,” she told him quietly. “But I feel the exact same way, love.”
The corner of his mouth tilted up, and Hera leaned in to press a kiss against it. Kanan immediately caught her lips in a real kiss, pulling her closer.
They pulled apart a few minutes later, and Hera let her forehead rest against Kanan’s, unwilling to give up all sense of proximity just yet. She felt her lekku twist together into a familiar shape. The one that meant “I love you”. And Force, Hera felt that truth to her core.
She heard Kanan catch his breath, and pulled back a little to study his face. His jaw had dropped a little, his expression stunned. “Kanan?”
“I can—I can feel it. Through the Force,” he whispered, a disbelieving smile crossing his face. “When you say it. With your lekku.” Shaking his head, he let out a little laugh.
“I didn’t think that was possible,” Hera said, staring at him. She’d assumed that he wouldn’t be able to tell—and it hurt a little. She wanted to be able to tell him, even if it wasn’t in words. And not being able to do that would be a messy, painful problem.
Grinning, Kanan said, “I didn’t either. But I’ve been working on sensing tiny details lately, and now…it’s almost obvious. Like electricity.”
He kissed her again, briefly, then gently ran a thumb across her cheekbone. Hera felt a shiver go down her spine as he said, his voice low, “I love you, too.”
They spent at least another hour there, talking a little and kissing a little, but mostly just spending time with each other. With the craziness of both of their roles in the Rebellion, it had become harder and harder to find time alone together. So sitting up in the middle of the night, side by side on the roof of the Ghost , was pure paradise to Hera. Especially the feeling of Kanan’s arm around her shoulders, his heart beating a little ways away from hers.
When they finally headed back to their respective bunks, Hera was tired but calm, and happy. And she went to sleep without any fear of nightmares.
If there were any, she knew someone who could chase them away.