Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Noah felt horrible. Just straight up fucking groggy. Every motion he made just pushed him into further exhaustion. Not to mention, he felt more emotional. Goddamn, it pissed him off.

He was more emotional than he usually was. Like, overbearingly emotional. It was weird. He was snapping on Mirage.

More than he’d like to. 

Sure, the bot took no offense but.. he still felt bad. Especially since Mirage wasn’t even doing anything. 

He did apologize every time. Almost every time. Also, his body was changing. His appetite increased, but he wasn’t used to eating so much. He tended to throw it up. Pairing that with his morning sickness, it fucking sucked. And goddamn, did he think he looked..

Bigger. Mostly in his stomach, but to his dismay, his chest was also sagging down. He built up his body to look masculine enough to pass, and he did now, but not enough when he was in the army still. He still had bicep, but his flesh felt taut. It was stretching. 

He began to confide in his Ma a lot more too, instead of being closed off and emotionally distant. He just felt.. lost. When he brought this up to her, her eyes went wide and she looked confused.

“Mijo, can I ask? Did you and Mirage ever..?” Brenna hesitantly inquired.

Noah’s cheeks flushed and he scratched the back of his head rather awkwardly. “Uhm, more than once, yeah. We haven’t in a while though.”

Breanna squeezed her eyebrows together, looking down as she took this into thought. Noah’s lips turned into a frown, and he looked at his Ma more confused than ever. She then looked back at him, crossed her arms and said it.

“Get a pregnancy test.”

Noah leaned back in Mirage’s driver seat, practically tugging on his curls while gritting his teeth together as they drove to the nearest drug store. He was stressed. How could— how? Just how?

Mirage is a fucking alien robot, he’s a human. Like, logically speaking, this isn’t possible. But, the holoforms? Maybe that’s why? He didn’t know. He was so stumped. He didn’t even tell Mirage why he had to go to the store. 

“Noahh, baby, you’re kinda stepping on my brakes too hard.” Mirage mentioned, the radio lighting up when his voice came through. “My bad, ‘Raj. I’m just, I’m thinking.”

Mirage came to a slow as they stopped in front of a car that was in front of them. “You wanna talk about it? It got to do with your uh.. current problems?”

Noah was hesitant. Technically, he should talk about it with him. Mirage was his boyfriend.. and if he was pregnant, he really should talk about it with him. But, he was afraid to. So afraid. It was like.. like what his Ma told him.

How his dad was so close to just leaving her because she was pregnant with him, but he stayed. He stayed and was barely decent enough as a parent. But, then Kris came along. A sickly kid, and man, their dad’s colors really showed.

Mirage wouldn’t be like that, right?

“It is, but I don’t wanna talk about it yet. Not.. not right now.” Noah responded, hesitance behind his tone. Mirage didn’t say much, he just gave an ‘mhm’ because he didn’t wanna intrude. He knew Noah didn’t like when he pressed, so he didn’t. 

Once they set back onto their trek to the drugstore, Noah couldn’t help but think even more. It was giving him a fucking headache.

As soon as Mirage parked on the side of the sidewalk, Noah opened up his door and got out, slugging his hoodie over as he hid his stomach. He wasn’t in the mood to be called fat or some shit.

Didn’t make it better that he was slugging while he was walking into the store. He was fucking exhausted.

The shelves were somewhat packed, full of Plan Bs, Pads, Tylenol, Ibuprofen..

His hands reached for the pregnancy test and medicine with no hesitation. If he thought about it, he wouldn’t be a horrible Pa. He would be better than his. This could be a chance to prove himself as a man. 

If he thought about it any harder, he’d back down from even buying the test. He inhaled softly, and walked over to the counter. He placed down the painkillers and test. The cashier smiled, taking the items into hand as she began to scan them.

“This for your girlfriend?” she asked, placing the items into a bag as Noah pulled out his wallet.

The question caught him off guard and he quickly nodded his head. “Y-Yeah, she’s uh.. asking. Been in pain a few days, you know how it go.”

She nodded, taking cash into hand as she placed it into the register. “Course. Well, if it’s positive, congratulations! Have a good day.”

Noah took the bag in hand, waving her off as he gave her a “you too” and walked out of the drugstore. Making his way back to Mirage, a sharp pain pierced him in his stomach. He held himself, sweat coating his forehead. “F-Fhhh— I’m good. I’m good. I can handle this.”

Just a few more steps.

He counted every step he took back to get to the still Porsche. He felt like he could pass out right then and there. He felt like his weight was dragging him down.

It felt.. like everything was becoming blurry. It felt hot.

He felt..

Thud. 

A bit of rustling could be heard as he tried to come to, but he felt a similar grip holding him up. Of course.

“Shit Noah, you okay? I noticed you were takin’ a minute.. need me to carry you?” Mirage asked, concern etched on his face as he glanced down at Noah.

Noah shook his head, pulling himself up a bit more while holding onto his boyfriend’s holoform for support. Goddamn, was he glad that he could feel this thing. He probably would’ve hit his head if he fell right then and there. 

“Even though you’re shaking your head, I’m not listening. Come on, carrying you into the car.” Mirage said, lifting Noah into his arms as he walked over to the Porsche. Noah grumbled with complaints, but he didn’t respond with words. He was still woozy, bag still in hand.

Mirage opened the door, and reclined the driver’s seat back as he set Noah down. “There you go man. I can take that bag if you want.”

“No!” Noah suddenly exclaimed, pulling the bag closer to him as Mirage’s eyes widened slightly. The man looked around, pushed his cap  back and nodded slowly. “Aight, I heard you.. take a breath. ‘Kay?” 

Noah huffed softly, nodding as he grabbed Mirage’s hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout.”

The man smiled, leaning in close as he gave Noah a quick peck on the forward, his holoform dissolving into sparkles. By then, the driver’s side door had been shut already and they were preparing to head back to the apartment.

Noah tried to stay relaxed, tried to get that nasty feeling away from him but god, it was hard. Mirage wasn’t stupid, but he definitely didn’t know. His only assumption was that Noah was getting pudgy.

God, it was so much more than that.

As soon as Noah was inside of the bathroom, he unwrapped the pregnancy test and stared at it for a few minutes. His hands were trembling. They felt cold.

He never did this before.. he strayed away from shit like that. Pregnancy scares and whatnot. It was odd. Foreign to him.

Pads? His period? Yeah, he dealt with that. It was painful shit, but as painful as pregnancy? Well, whatever the fuck happened to him prior getting to the bathroom never happened on his period.

God, he felt sick. 

He wanted to throw up again, like he did this morning. He clutched his stomach, grimacing as he thought of the results.

He may as well get it over with now.

Breanna and Mirage were sat in the kitchen, and Kris was chilling on the recliner in the living room.

Mirage was fiddling with his hair, groaning a bit while he was doing that. He hadn’t touch the plate of food that Breanna set in front of him. He just felt.. weird. Like he didn’t wanna eat right now.

“Ms. Diaz? Can I ask you something?” he suddenly spoke up.  Breanna looked over at him, and nodded her head. “Okay, do you uh.. know what’s up with Noah lately? Like, his mood swings are worse. His anxiety is heightened, he literally almost passed out on the sidewalk, like.. I don’t know what’s going on.” 

Breanna bit her tongue. She didn’t want to give up what she knew to Mirage due to Noah’s request. She knew he’d freak out. 

“I don’t know much, I’m sorry.”

Mirage slumped back. He felt like he was being lied to, and he probably was. Not even a probability, because he is being lied to. He knows something is wrong.

But, he didn’t push. If he pushed, something would go wrong. Someone would freak out. It’d be his fault.

Noah sat there on the bathroom floor. Pregnancy test in hand. He stared at it.

It was positive. 

Chapter Text

Noah stared at the test.

He sat there in silence, holding the test in his shaking hands. His heart beated in his ears.

He couldn’t believe it. He was pregnant.

“Goddammit..” he whispered, dropping the test on the bathroom floor as he tucked into the corner and hid his face away. He felt ashamed.

How could he tell Mirage this? How?

How would it affect their relationship? Their lives?

How would this affect their friendship with the autobots? How would this affect the work relations with the Joes?

How would he tell his friend Elena? She wouldn’t judge him. She was the fourth person in his life he knew he could trust. That was like the sister he never had. 

Even then, more thoughts plague his mind.

Noah could— he could die during the process. Mirage didn’t know shit about babies, let alone if he did die, his Ma would be too deep into her grief to assist. Goddammit.

Oh, what was he supposed to say? 

He didn’t know what to do. Sure, he should be a man and tell Mirage about it but it’s his reaction he’d be worried about. What if Mirage left him? What if Mirage didn’t keep his promise of staying by Noah until the day he died? What if—

Suddenly, there was a knock. 

And then there was another.

“Noah..?” a voice called out. Noah flinched, hiding the test in his hoodie pocket as he walked up to the door, pressing his forehead against it. He listened closely to Mirage’s voice. “You’ve been in there awhile. I’m getting worried.”

“I’m.. I’m just tryna process something. It’s a lot for me and it’ll be a lot for you too..” Noah replied, sinking to the floor as he sighed loudly. He could feel a pit forming in his stomach. Everything just felt like it was getting worse by the minute. Mirage was silent on the other side of the door, but Noah could hear a thud and then heard the door creak ever so slightly.

Mirage stretched his arms over his head, leaning against the door. “I’ll wait then! You just let me know when I can come in, yeah?”

Noah hummed in hesitant agreement, bringing his knees up to his face as he tried to continue processing the fact he was pregnant with an alien robot’s baby. It was so fucking weird to think about and it was a struggle. No wonder Noah felt so exhausted, no wonder he got bigger. He groaned as he dug his hands through his hair at the realization that he’d have to stop taking his testosterone too.

Fuck. 

As if feeling dysphoric wouldn’t make this situation worse as it already is. This was a fucking nightmare. 

It felt like an eternity before Noah decided to open the door. He stared down at Mirage who immediately got up to face Noah.

Noah looked around before pulling Mirage into the bathroom and locking the door back immediately. He dug around in his pockets and pulled out the test, holding it out. Mirage tilted his head and almost opened his mouth but Noah shushed him as he began to explain.

“You don’t know what this is, but it’s a pregnancy test. I know you know what that is, but.. these two lines mean ‘positive.”

Mirage’s eyes widened slowly. “Wait— you- you’re—”

“I’m pregnant.” Noah said, looking away in shame as he braved for the negative reaction. 

The negative reaction never came. 

Instead, Noah felt Mirage’s arms around him and they were bringing him into a tight embrace. When Noah looked at Mirage with shock, he could see the man smiling widely and could hear him giggling like a child. 

“I’ve always wanted to be a Sire— I mean dad! Whatever, both work! Noah, why were you so worried?” Mirage questions, kissing his partner on the forehead as he began to rub his back. 

Noah stammered on his words before coming to a final ‘I don’t know.’ Both of them sat down on the rim of the tub while Mirage rested his hand on Noah’s, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You know, we’re gonna have to tell everyone. I’m not sure how Optimus will feel about it..” 

“That’s one of the people I was worried about.. and it means I won’t really be able to go on missions that are assigned, then you’ll go for a while, and I’ll.. I’ll be alone..” Noah chuckles weakly, putting his face in his hands. Tears were forming in his eyes as he looked back at Mirage. “Man, what are we gonna do..?”

Mirage pulled Noah closer to him as he pressed his forehead against his, squeezing his thigh for comfort. “We’re gonna take this one step at a time, I think.. but you gotta be patient with me. I don’t know much about human babies and I don’t know what our’s will be like, but I’ll try! I promise, with all my spark.”

“..okay, ‘Raj..” Noah replies, leaning into Mirage’s touch as he lets the man hold him close. He just needed to calm down, it won’t be hard. He’ll tell everyone and Mirage will be with him, he promised him that.

A while had passed before Mirage and Noah had left the bathroom to meet Breanna and Kris in the dining room. 

Noah nervously gripped Mirage’s hand tightly before he sat down at the table, looking at his brother and his mama. He inhaled and exhaled a few times before putting his folded hands on the table. “Mama, Kris.. I have something to tell you.”

Kris put his console down as he moved over to Noah, looking at him curiously. Breanna also looked at her son, pausing in her own endeavors. “Yes, baby? What is it?”

Mirage began to bounce his knee a little, sweat forming on his brow as he looked away. He bit down on his lip while waiting for Noah to break the news. 

“You were right about getting the test, mama. I’m having a baby..” he says, giving a nervous grin. He watched Kris’ eyes widen and suddenly he could hear a squeal. “Ain’t no way! You’re joking!”

Breanna smiled a little as she began looking over at Mirage who was breathing a sigh of relief. She giggled as she put her hand on his shoulder. “Ease up, ‘Raj. It’s okay.. even though this is extremely confusing and more.”

“You’re the best, Mrs. Diaz..” Mirage breathed out, looking to the side as he saw Kris hugging Noah. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Honestly, it wouldn’t be so far as to think that Noah would make a great dad. Mirage would be too, probably. At least Noah had experience, but Mirage.. he had to get his act together.

Although this reaction to the pregnancy was well, could these two say the same for the Joes and the autobots? The next meeting was in two days, so they had time to prepare at the very least. 

Noah got up from the table and ruffled Kris’ hair as he walked over to the phone. “Ma, I’m gonna try to call Elena real quick. Let her know about this too. Could I get a little privacy?”

“Of course. Kris, let’s go get some ice cream baby.” Breanna says, taking her thirteen year old son’s hand into hers. She then picks up her purse off the kitchen counter, walking over to the door as she waved both Mirage and Noah off. Kris smiled widely as he did the same, following his mom. 

Mirage rested his face on his hands as he watched Noah dial Elena’s number. All he could do was smile at the man, but his smile faltered when he thought about the autobots.. and the decepticons. There was a huge risk in them having a child, especially if said child would be half organic like Noah was. He was fearful of the consequences this would have. Their relationship with the gang would be strained, maybe even more than it already was. Optimus didn’t hate the fact that these two were together, but the problem was that Noah was human.

Humanity. It’s a weird thing.

Mirage looked up as he heard Noah hold the phone away from his ear slightly as he heard Elena scream on the other end. He snickered a little while he listened to the two’s conversation.

“You’re lying! Since when did you— oh my gosh, this is insane! So happy for you!” she squealed.

Noah groaned and laughed right after, leaning against the wall. “Thank you, Elena and damn right it’s insane. If you told me almost a year ago that I’d be pregnant with an alien’s baby, I would’ve thought you were crazy.” 

“I would’ve thought the same thing if you’d say I would be on some trip to Peru to save the world. But, here we are! I’ll set up a visit when I can and I miss you and the bots.” Elena replied with a somber tone in her voice, but Noah could tell she was still smiling.

“We’d look forward to it, right ‘Raj?” Noah asked, looking over at Mirage who happily nodded and then spoke. “Hell yeah! We miss you too Elena!”

“I promise I’ll come visit in the next few months, but I gotta go now. Congrats you two, for real.”

“Thank you. Good luck on your little expedition.” Noah responded, bringing the phone down as he set it back on the little stand. 

His shoulders slumped down as a sign of relief, but stress still lingered. Mirage got up and walked over to Noah, wrapping his arms around the man. He planted soft kisses along his neck, guiding his hands to Noah’s stomach. “Mm, it’ll be okay baby..”

“I don’t know, Mirage.. it’s much too late to get rid of them and I don’t know how the autobots are gonna take it..” Noah whispered, gripping Mirage’s hands. He could feel the other man’s breath against his neck as he sighed.

Mirage nuzzled the back of Noah’s neck as his eyes looked forward. “I don’t know how they’re gonna feel either. We can only hope they take it kinda well.. but I’m gonna be on your side regardless. I love you and nothing will change that..”

“I know and I love you too. Let’s just.. head to bed for now. I’m really exhausted.”

Mirage nodded as he took Noah down the hall towards his bedroom. He opened the door and followed Noah inside, shutting it behind them.

Two days. 

That’s when they’ll tell the autobots.

Maybe, just maybe, they’ll be understanding.

Noah’s mental state depended on it and so did Mirage’s. 

Chapter Text

Noah tossed and turned in his rickety ass bed, a loud groan coming from him as he suddenly shot up and pressed his hand to his lower back. He cringed at how tight it felt, but he unfortunately knew he would have to deal with it. It would get even worse throughout the trimesters, but he would have to try to cope for now. Dear lord, he'd even need to hide in the house or garage more often because what would people think if they saw some man with facial hair, a deeper voice, walking down the street straight up pregnant? He would be judged and he knows it. His fear grew more every time he looked down at his bump. What on earth would people think?

He was keeping this kid, that's what he wanted to do regardless but the downsides just made his agony grow. He was no stranger to chronic pains or dealing with anxiety or heightened depression, but the added on weight of a pregnancy just made it all the worse. He's heard horror stories from his Ma a few years back about when she was carrying both him and Kris, how her moods got worse, how her body ached each time she even dared to get up, and more.

Noah went to cup his chest and cringed. That's when he remembered what else he would struggle with: Dysphoria.

Bringing his knees up to his face, he looked forward at the wall in front of him, decorated with posters and a couple of pictures. He would give anything to have this kid right now but he couldn't. He would need to go through the entire struggle. Now, if Mirage was carrying, that would be great but Noah couldn't exactly do anything to make that a miracle. He also thought it would be more.. dangerous? Somehow, that's the conclusion he came to even though he was the one carrying an alien's baby. Honestly, he was still confused about that entire premise. How was that even possible?

It wasn't like Ratchet or the Joes would know, despite their extensive research.

Noah pushed his head into his knees as he sighed loudly, his mind going back to a few days ago when he and Mirage told the bots and the Joes about the unexpected pregnancy, which was deemed as "the accident" by Optimus himself. There was a lot of bickering and discussion about this and all Noah could do was try not to lose his shit during it. He couldn't even get his own word in and he was dragged back to the medical center to get tests done.

Mirage waved his servos quickly as he tried to explain to an infuriated Optimus who was shouting at that point, his voice equated to the sound of grinding gears against one another with a twinge of static. Arcee and Bee were both trying to attempt to calm Optimus down while Ratchet was shaking his head in disappointment. Wheeljack was mumbling about how bad this was going to be and Noah, he just stood there with a shaking fist. Mirage saw as he tried to open his mouth but was immediately cut off by Optimus' shouts.

"What were you thinking, Mirage? Noah is much too fragile— how do you expect him to carry something that is inhuman?!"

Mirage dragged his servos down his faceplate and groaned loudly as he tried to explain yet again. "I don't expect him to, he said he wants to! What are you not getting Prime?!"

Optimus was practically seething. His optics glared down at Noah with a squint and Noah just so happened to glare back. He pinched the bridge of his metallic nose, beginning to pace back and forth as his pedes echoed against the ground with each heavy step he took. He began muttering incomprehensible cybertronian which only the bots could understand, much to Noah's dismay. He was very sure he was either cussing him out or talking to himself. Either way, Noah's own anger was bubbling beneath surface.

It was then that he was pulled to the side by Agent Burke who started ushering off to the medical center. Noah protested and said he wanted to stay with Mirage, but Burke didn't listen. He had a concerned and inquisitive sort of look to him. It seemed like he was incredibly curious and that already pissed Noah off more.

Laying on his back, Noah looked up at his ceiling and dragged his fingers down his freckled face as he let out an angry groan. He didn't know how Mirage was fairing at this moment. He could only hope he was okay, but he was likely still getting shit from Optimus. They had to be separated for a couple days now as some sort of "punishment" for their obscene actions, as Optimus. Normally, Optimus was supportive of their relationship, but when they announced the pregnancy, he went off the rails. Maybe he was just worried or concerned to a high degree, but Noah was fine so far.

He wouldn't be fine if he was kept from Mirage any longer, he knew that much. He hated this. He was a lot more clingy, needy, and desperate. He shouldn't have to depend on Mirage, but it was likely he was going to have to which honestly sucked for him.

This draws back to his earlier fear, how people would look at him. He knew his anxiety would spike and so would his dysphoria, as if it wasn't right now.

While lost in thought, Noah suddenly flinched as he heard a knock at his window. He turned his head and a loud sigh of relief escaped him as he rolled off his bed, going to unlock the window. He pulled it up and smiled at the holo Mirage standing in front of him with a small grin. "Ya miss me man?"

Noah pulled Mirage into his room and slid the window back down, locking it in place. He then turned and pulled the other into a tight hug with a grumble. "Yes, obviously. It's been almost four days. What else even happened? How did you escape from big man's wrath?"

"I wouldn't call it an escape.." Mirage started, returning the hug as he continued. "It was more like defying orders or whatever. Op gotta chill out, really. You and I are doin' just fine."

Giving Mirage a kiss on his cheek, he then let out an exasperated sigh and put his hands through his curls as he began to walk in circles. That usually meant a rant was coming. A long one.

"I don't- I don't know what his fuckin' issue is! He's been so supportive of our relationship, but when I end up carrying a baby that's likely mostly human, it's suddenly a problem? Pregnancy is already hell so what difference does this make?! He didn't even let me talk, get my voice in! I'm the one pregnant here so why couldn't I talk?" Noah exclaimed with a raised voice, beginning to tug on his curls which was common for him to do when he was stressed. Mirage cautiously reached out, setting his hand on Noah's shoulder and giving him a gentle squeeze. Noah turned and inhaled softly, instead folding his hands together.

"Sorry, 'Raj.. this shit is just stressing me out.." Noah grumbled, going to rub his temple. "I'ma need you to promise me something."

Mirage tilted his head and gave him a quick nod. Noah then spoke again.

"Promise you'll stay with me for as long as you can. I can't get through this alone and if no one else on the team can understand that, I need you to be on my side the entire time."

Going to pull Noah closer to him, he pushed his head into the crook of Noah's neck, hugging his waist. Lifting his head, he agreed to the promise very clearly.

"Anything for you, Noah. Cross my spark and to die."