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When you’re lying here
I believe you love me
You can hold my hair back
When you kiss me
If you stay all night
I will be on your side
When it’s 4 a.m.
And your heart is breaking
I will hold your hands
To stop them from shaking
If it takes all night
I will be on your side
Merrin gently knocked on the door to Cal’s room in Pyloon’s. At 0330, it was well past the time that Cal should have been asleep, but for whatever reason Merrin’s instinct told her that he needed her. Hearing nothing from behind the door, she waited a moment before knocking again, slightly louder this time. Still nothing. Either Cal was truly asleep, or he was gone.
Clicking the button that opened the door, Merrin was met with an empty room. The bed was a mess, but the same mess from when she had come to say goodnight hours ago.
“So he is missing,” Merrin murmured to herself.
Silently heading to where she suspected Cal was hiding, she paused outside Kata’s room. The poor child had been suffering from night terrors the past few nights, and Merrin desperately wanted to check on her. She crept in, thanking the stars when the whoosh of the opening door did not alert the girl.
Kata was lying peacefully in her bed, and Merrin smiled. No nightmares here tonight. She gently swept the child’s hair out of her face, held her breath when Kata mumbled something in her sleep, and then snuck back out of the room.
There was one spot in particular that Merrin was reasonably sure Cal would be at. Of course, if that failed, she had backups, but she was confident he would be there.
Typically, Merrin preferred quietness to loud, crowded, and loud places, but that night Pyloon’s felt eerily still as she continued on her path to the rooftop garden. The saloon was meant to be bustling, not this silent husk. The echoes of her footsteps in the stairwell only made her feel more… off.
The first thing she noticed when the door opened was Cal, sitting hunched and with his knees up in the middle of the pathway. The second thing she noticed was the fast, shaky breaths Cal seemed to be taking.
Merrin came to sit beside him, not saying anything or looking at him, even when he immediately and furiously wiped his tears away. Instead, she looked to the sky, at the infinite stars that were scattered across it. She gave Cal a minute of silence before finally speaking.
“Please do not hide your pain.”
Those six words seemed to break him. He started crying, which quickly turned to sobbing. Merrin wrapped her arm around him and lightly pressed him into her, holding him and murmuring gentle words until her shoulder was soaked.
He’d been there for her before, when her grief had overtaken her. It was years and years earlier, when her hearts had splintered and spilled upon the floor. He’d picked up all the pieces, every last ventricle and valve, and presented it to her so that when she was ready, she could put each part back where they belonged. She remembered fervently wishing he would never be hurt enough for her to have to repay the favor, he was too good to have to deal with this pain. Clearly, it wasn’t to be.
Merrin wasn’t sure how long they sat there. Her only reference was the sun that hadn’t yet begun to rise, although the threat of morning didn’t bother her. She would stay there however long Cal needed her to.
Slowly, he quieted. His sobs turned to sniffles, which soon turned into heavy breathing until all that was left was his shaking hands.
“Thank you,” Cal whispered hoarsely. He looked so small, so broken, that Merrin couldn’t help but tenderly kiss his forehead.
Adjusting herself to face him, Merrin took his shaking hands into hers and pressed her forehead against his. “You know I love you.” It wasn’t a question. “I will stay all night if that is what you need.”
She could feel the unstable breath he took before speaking. “You shouldn’t have to. You should be asleep, and I should be able to take care-”
Merrin instantly pushed herself away from him. The shatters in his eyes were almost too much to bear. “No. Do not finish that sentence. You cannot bear this alone, and I won’t let you. No matter what you say, you cannot. Please.”
When Cal didn’t say anything, she gingerly pushed his hair back and held his face. She’d always loved the scars that crossed his face, the reminders that he was a survivor; he would always come back. “Please, Cal.”
He searched her face. Looking for doubt, or annoyance, or something of that nature, Merrin suspected. When he didn’t find what he was looking for he nodded, so slightly that Merrin was barely sure she’d seen it.
“Okay.”
Her shoulders sagged in relief. “Thank you so much, my Jedi,” she murmured.
“Can I kiss you?” Cal asked, almost shyly, and Merrin could feel her expression soften further.
“Yes.”
He began leaning forward until Merrin pulled his face into hers, and they melded. Merrin had never felt more whole, more complete, and she tried to convey that into her kiss. She was sure she’d never be able to fully express just what Cal meant to her, but she would keep trying and trying and trying until she was gone and dead.
They paused for breath, and Merrin thumbed his face absentmindedly. “Do you think you can to go to bed, now?” Cal breathed out a laugh, and Merrin followed his eyes to the sun that had begun to rise. “A very long nap instead, then.”
“An eight-hour nap?” he asked, eyebrow raised.
Merrin swatted at his arm. “Minimum ten. And don’t question a nightsister. You remember the last person to do that?”
Cal grinned affectionately. “Last I checked he was still around, bothering his beloved.”
Merrin sighed, shaking her head playfully. “Perhaps she is getting soft.” She stood up and reached a hand out, with which Cal grabbed and pulled himself up.
“Perhaps,” Cal smirked.
They went back down inside, where they could hear the sounds of Monk powering back up. Merrin thought that the noises of her and Cal’s hushed giggling and whispers as they stepped quietly through the creaky hallways and staircases suited the saloon much better.
When they reached Cal’s room, Merrin all but shoved him into the bed before climbing in too. “You will sleep.”
“How could I say no?” He asked. “I have the most beautiful lady the galaxy has ever seen in my bed.”
Merrin ignored the red-violet flush his words brought her, and Cal’s smug grin. Instead, she pulled the covers of the blanket up just below their ears. They were face to face now, and she decided to take this opportunity.
“You promise to tell me, the next time? Or at least seek me out?”
His smile shifted into a solemn expression, and Merrin knew whatever he was going to say was the truth. “Yeah. I will, I promise, Merrin.”
“I miss them too.” She smiled sadly. “But we will help each other.”
Cal moved in closer and kissed the tip of her nose. “We will.”
Merrin contentedly hummed in response. She closed her eyes but stayed wide awake. Only a little later, when Cal’s breathing slowed to gentle, rhythmic snores did she allow herself to fall asleep.