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There was a secret Mu Qing carried, carved deep into his soul. A secret about Feng Xin, that even the man was ignorant about. A secret Mu Qing protected and treasured with love and longing.
Mu Qing was the only one to know that Feng Xin was two gods at the same time.
Well, everyone knew Feng Xin was known by two godly names: General Nan Yang and General Ju Yang. Everyone knew about the mistake that would forever enrage Feng Xin, but they couldn't possibly know what such a thing implied. Mu Qing himself needed a bit of time to find out what having two titles could mean.
It had similarities with the situation Lord Wind Master and Ling Wen Zhenjun had gone through. The way their followers worshipped them had a direct impact in how they could present on Heavens. The difference between such changes was based in the fact that, while they both kept their title and only changed their appearances, Feng Xin kept his appearance and only his consciousness changed.
General Nan Yang and General Ju Yang inhabited the same body, Feng Xin's body. The first one, the original one, was stronger and certainly was the one to dominate the body most of the time. He was Feng Xin, really, the man Mu Qing always had known. The later, by the other hand, could spent years without making an appearance. Even when in charge of the body, he almost never really got to enjoy it for more than a night before going dormant for who knows how long again.
Mu Qing was the only one who knew about Ju Yang, because he was the only one to recognize him. The changes between the two gods were too subtle for others to notice anything amiss. It would be like that for Mu Qing, too, if he hadn't accidentally called Ju Yang by his name the first time he appeared.
He was assigned to a mission with Feng Xin within the borders of their territories, Mu Qing couldn't even recall what was that about anymore, just that Feng Xin was even more on edge than usual the whole day. It got worse after the mission, when they stopped by a Ju Yang's temple to spend the night. The mistake was still common by that time, so Mu Qing simply assumed Feng Xin was just upset by such a thing… And he wouldn't lose the chance to provoke Feng Xin about it, of course.
“Why are you so moody now?“ He didn't receive more than a grunting as a response, so he let his mouth run. "Doesn't this temple please you, General Ju Yang? It's a really beautiful place and, look, they even have statues of your so tremendous di-”
He wasn't able to finish the sentence, his body shoved against a pillar so hard the whole temple trembled. Holding him in place with a strength Mu Qing was not used to feel, Feng Xin stared at him as if mesmerized, his hands closing around his rival wrists and keeping them pinned at the sides of his body.
“What did you call me?"
That tone wasn't normal, that expression wasn't normal, Mu Qing should have noticed it. But, at the time, he didn't know how to read those things yet and assumed Feng Xin was just really angry. So, he smiled in the most provocative way he could.
"General Ju Yang.“ Mu Qing repeated, sure this would grant him a punch, at least, but too amused to care about it. "That's how you are called, isn't it?“
He didn't get that punch. What he got was the most breathtaking and intense kiss he ever received on his life. Well, he had never been kissed before that, but he was sure other people would find such a kiss extremely vulgar by the way a tongue invaded his mouth and explored every inch inside, shamelessly.
Mu Qing was too shocked to react. When his lips were free again, he could only pant and stare at Feng Xin, waiting for... Anything. Maybe some declaration. An explanation, at least. But he only received another kiss, then another one, followed by one more. As confused as he was, Mu Qing didn't dislike the touches, so he only accepted the things Feng Xin was doing to him, leaving everything for him to decide, his very core trembling with the intimacy they found in each other's mouth.
Tightening his hold on Mu Qing's wrists, Feng Xin pressed their bodies even closer, his warmth enveloping the other martial god, convincing him to stay in that position as he was kissed again and again, uncountable times. And, with each kiss, Mu Qing's rational thoughts got weaker, silenced by an overwhelming flow of unspoken feelings and suppressed desires. This was so sudden and unprompted, he couldn't even find his voice to ask Feng Xin what he was doing.
It would be a stupid question, he knows, what else could such actions mean after all? And if those lips over his own weren't enough to answer his questioning, that thigh pressing hard against his crotch would certainly be. Mu Qing was able to feel the desire on the way Feng Xin's hips moved, too, grinding their growing erections, forcing Mu Qing to pant and whine on his mouth. And he drank the sounds as a thirsty man, kissing Mu Qing without giving him time to breathe, until kissing wasn't enough for him to be satisfied anymore.
That mouth didn't leave his skin, though, kissing and biting down every inch of skin it could reach, and letting out an annoyed grunt when Mu Qing's robes stopped him from reaching more. At the next second, Feng Xin decided it would be too much of a trouble to disrobe Mu Qing, so he went through the faster way to get him naked. Mu Qing gasped, his body trembling at the violence which Feng Xin simply grabbed and ripped his clothes off. Such impatience only buried Mu Qing's logical thoughts even deeper, the fear and confusion completely subdued by Feng Xin's ferocity.
It didn't took long for them to be flushed against each other again, this time with Mu Qing holding into Feng Xin's robes as calloused hands explored his body without impediments. Mu Qing didn't have the time to feel embarrassed of his own nakedness, just trembling with anticipation and reciprocating the touches on the best way he could, trying to show what he wasn't able to say out loud. Trying to let him know how much Mu Qing wanted this too, how pleased he was with all this attention. Feng Xin didn't need to ask anything, didn't need to explain it either. He just needed to keep going, to give Mu Qing more of this.
And it was like Mu Qing had professed his wantings, because Feng Xin was soon moving them across the temple, his clothes being ripped too while he guided Mu Qing until they bumped on some kind of table... No, not a table.
The altar.
With the dexterity only a martial god could have, Feng Xin used one arm to push everything over the altar away and the other arm to lift Mu Qing from the ground, putting him sitting on the now clean altar. His mouth returned to its mission of savoring Mu Qing's skin, fingers holding him by the already messy ponytail, forcing him to lay back onto the stone, and then separating his knees for Feng Xin to slot himself in the space between them. It was never comfortable to lay on stone, but how would he complain about such a thing when the only person Mu Qing ever desired was leaving bites and hickeys all over his chest? And when those lips reached one of his nipples, Mu Qing knew he was far too lost to care about it, either way.
Feng Xin didn't seem to be in a hurry now that both of them were naked, taking his time playing with Mu Qing's nipples until they both were red and oversensitive, the man beneath him only able to writhe and moan at the stimulation. And every time Mu Qing moved his hips as a response to the pleasure, he would grind against Feng Xin's erection. Such action only made Feng Xin touch him more and the cycle would repeat itself.
Slowly, as if it wanted to just keep playing with the red nubs for hours, Feng Xin's mouth started to go down again. His teeth taking and marking every inch of skin it could, his tongue lapping over Mu Qing's bellybutton for a long moment before Feng Xin kept going down.
A long, deep moan was what Feng Xin got when his mouth closed around Mu Qing's erection tip. Another moan followed it, as Mu Qing held into the edges of the altar when that hot and humid mouth enveloped him completely. And when Feng Xin started to bob his head up and down, keeping the slow pace, Mu Qing could swear he could feel such pleasure spreading to his whole body, making him tremble and gasp.
After a few minutes - or it could have been hours, Mu Qing wasn't really keeping up with the time - Feng Xin caressed Mu Qing's tights firmly before grabbing them and pulling them up, until he adjusted both legs on his own shoulders. Then, a soft caress on Mu Qing's rim made him whine.
He couldn't believe that, he was really doing this, letting Feng Xin do this to him. The oil on that finger wasn't cold, as if Feng Xin had somehow warmed it to make this more comfortable for Mu Qing. Thinking about how this man was taking such good care of him without any kind of complaints only made Mu Qing melt under his ministrations, relaxing completely and easing the way for that playful finger to press inside.
It didn't take long for a second finger to enter, too, and then both stimulations started to synch up. It was maddening in the most pleasurable way, Mu Qing nearly begging for it to be over… But wanting more. It was torture, Feng Xin taking his sweet time devouring him, preparing him, building a new kind of overwhelming pressure on his lower belly.
It was when the third finger reached inside, curving slightly and touching a certain point, that such pressure exploded through Mu Qing's body.
Mu Qing couldn't see or hear anything, feeling all his nerves consumed by flames, his hips thrusting up erratically and without control.
When the sensations calmed down, his body lost all strength and he felt heavier than lead. Only then Mu Qing's mind cleared a bit and he looked down, worried. Feng Xin only straightened up and smiled at him, licking those sinful lips, as if demonstrating how clean they were or how satisfied he was with the taste inside that, now empty, mouth. Feng Xin was a menace, Mu Qing realized. A sexy one, that is, positioning himself closer to Mu Qing again, keeping the slender legs up to his shoulders.
A sudden bolt of anxiousness crossed Mu Qing's mind and muscles, but the frown between his eyebrows were soothed by soft kisses and bites on his feet and ankles. Feng Xin was looking at him with something akin to devotion and Mu Qing let himself be entranced by the vision.
Golden, everything on Feng Xin was warm and golden. From his brown hair, to his tanned skin, to those eyes that held the sun itself on them. The candles on the barely illuminated temple only accentuated the man's beauty.
Ah, Feng Xin was so...
He couldn't finish that thought, feeling how Feng Xin's started to press his cock inside, calmly, but unstoppable. Breaching his way deeper and deeper into Mu Qing's body, it felt like ages until he finally flushed their hips together and Mu Qing couldn't breathe. He gasped desperately for air, but he was so full, it was too much, too much, too deep and too good.
Only when his body got to relax again, weakened, Feng Xin started to move. Languidly, without any kind of worry or rush, he moved his hips, getting out only to enter again and go as deep as he could. Not a single word left his lips and Mu Qing didn't need to talk either: as the slide got easier and the gasps made way to moans, Feng Xin changed the pace, increasing the strength and speed, adjusting gradually until he was pounding Mu Qing with abandon.
The altar started to crack under them and Mu Qing couldn't care less. His body and cultivation was offered to the god of that temple to feast upon, even if Mu Qing felt like he was the one being worshipped over that altar. His spiritual energy was entirely gone, but that somehow didn't seem to be a problem for Mu Qing to worry about between moans and whimpers.
It turned into a problem the very next morning, when the man who took everything from Mu Qing was gone.
Not physically, as Feng Xin was still there, but he wasn't acting like he spent hours inside Mu Qing just a few hours prior. He didn't seem to recall what happened at all, offending and fighting Mu Qing as if he was just an object he used to satisfy any kind of urges he could have, violent or sexual.
After Feng Xin left him behind, Mu Qing used what little spiritual energy he had left to notify his palace he would be unavailable for the next few months to take care of personal affairs. The rest of that day, Mu Qing spent lamenting, resenting, cursing. At night, the temple was on fire and Mu Qing watched it burn to ashes until dawn. Only then, he started his journey of cultivating, choosing a new path for himself, letting such part of his past behind, like everything else on his life.
When he returned to Heavens, no one asked about his absence or noticed the change on his cultivation path. The only thing they noticed was how much bitter he seemed to be with his rival, but such a thing wasn't a surprise.
Years after such incident, Mu Qing faced Ju Yang again, still unaware of his existence. This time, they were on Heavens' streets, returning from a long meeting, when Mu Qing felt a hand slide on his waist from behind. It was his turn to throw the other Southern God against someone's palace wall.
“Touch me again and I swear that I'll kill you, Feng Xin.“ Pure rage moved Mu Qing's body, but his violence met an intense stare from the other side of the street.
“Who are you talking to?" Feng Xin asked and that question took Mu Qing by surprise, enough to let Feng Xin get closer... Before he stumbled a few steps away from the force of Mu Qing's punch.
"Fuck you.“ Mu Qing tried to walk away, but soon enough he felt Feng Xin grabbing him by the arm and the next punch was followed by a kick and more insults. But there was something... Off.
The screams about destroyed things and bets from the gods on the street were enough to Mu Qing to know that no one was truly paying attention to the fight, because this was not a fight at all. Mu Qing was the only one beating here, meanwhile Feng Xin only manhandled him, pushing and pulling forcibly enough for Mu Qing to understand what he was doing: Feng Xin was hunting him, trying to caught and render him submissive beneath him. Just like...
The memory only fueled Mu Qing's wrath and eventually they had to be physically restrained before they could destroy even more palaces. Once inside his secluded chambers as a punishment, Mu Qing let himself lay down on his bed, murmuring a 'what the fuck' to himself. There was something strange about Feng Xin behavior, as if he wasn't exactly himself again. And that question earlier was more reason to think this whole situation was not normal.
“Qing-mei.“
The voice made Mu Qing jump, startled and incredulous to see Feng Xin standing near the closed door.
“What... How did you get in here?"
"It's not difficult. And I wanted to see you.“
“See me? What for?"
“I missed you.“
“Feng Xin, I'll punch you again.“
“Who's that?" Mu Qing raised an eyebrow as Feng Xin got closer, his expression soft and a grin on his lips. “I've been wanting to see you again for years. Haven't you?"
"What are you talking about? We see each other nearly everyday... And don't dare touch me.“
“Is this some kind of fantasy of yours, Qing-mei? Making me deal with your strength before you surrender to me like last time?" The sudden mention of that night made Mu Qing lose his balance for a second. And it was enough for Feng Xin to take advantage of it, holding Mu Qing by the nape and joining their mouths. "I'm into that.“
If Mu Qing tried to push him away, Feng Xin ignored it, guiding Mu Qing back to the bed, hands ripping clothes aggressively and fingers digging into firm flesh. Once again, that strength wasn't something Mu Qing was used to feel from Feng Xin. Unprepared to face such attack, Mu Qing ended up reacting instinctively... And his instincts were very satisfied to be in such position again, making his body react positively at the attentions his mouth received by the man who worshipped his body intensely only to destroy his whole soul later.
It was unfair, Mu Qing thought, his hands embracing Feng Xin's shoulders. It was unfair how he couldn't bring himself to truly hate his rival, how it didn't matter how the pain and rejection last time made him sour and harsher than before. Beneath Feng Xin's body, all Mu Qing was able to do was give himself entirely again.
He was pathetic and his proud was as false as his tries to convince himself he would never fall again on Feng Xin's arms. The same arms holding him down now, tracing his body with hunger and desire.
It was the same, all over again, even if more rushed now. As if Feng Xin let his wanting accumulating during those years, he mouthed Mu Qing's neck and hurriedly got his clothes off too. Thirsty, hungry, as if Mu Qing haven't been right there all the time. All he needed to do was look for him, kiss him, touch him, and Mu Qing would forget and forgive anything.
Pathetic. Pathetic like the whines leaving his lips when Feng Xin finally, finally, got inside him again.
It was at that moment a certain detail of their last encounter perked Mu Qing's curiosity. It couldn't be… Looking up, Mu Qing's lip trembled, gathering the courage to ask.
“Ju… Ju Yang?“
Golden eyes stared back at him.
“Yes?"
Mu Qing couldn't believe it, but that explained a lot of things. For years, Mu Qing tried to explain to himself why Feng Xin acted that way in the next day, why his rival never brought up that night, why he seemed to have really forgotten what happened.
Feng Xin didn't remember that night because he wasn't the one who fucked Mu Qing over an altar. It wasn't Feng Xin who kissed and embraced him. It wasn't Feng Xin who wanted him.
It was Ju Yang.
Mu Qing didn't know if his tears were a sign of relief or agony. But the knowledge that Feng Xin haven't used him in such cruel and cold way healed something inside Mu Qing's heart.
“Qing-mei?“ Worry tinted Ju Yang's voice, as he caressed Mu Qing's face. "Are you hurt?"
"No.“
"You are crying.“
“It's just...“ Deciding against talking about it now, Mu Qing just embraced Ju Yang's shoulders. “Too much. Hold me?"
“Always.“
It wasn't a surprise that, once more, Feng Xin didn't remember the things they did that night when they met again. Intrigued with such situation, Mu Qing started to look out for researches about more than one person on one body. The closer he got to understand everything was with a strange condition called “split personalities", in which a human could develop one or even more versions of themselves. It was not Feng Xin situation, of course, but such knowledge helped Mu Qing to notice when to expect a Ju Yang's visit.
The first sign was their fights escalating quite easier than before. Normally, they wouldn't argue about trivial things, even if they would bicker all the time. When Feng Xin got too impatient, Mu Qing knew his mind was starting to get overwhelmed by another presence in there, keeping Feng Xin on edge and eating away his tolerance.
The second sign would be the stares. A few weeks before Ju Yang appears, Mu Qing would catch Feng Xin staring at him. He probably wasn't conscious of that, because when Mu Qing stared back, Feng Xin would get startled and normally start an argument again.
Right after it, Feng Xin's expression would start to get a bit more accentuated, his everlasting frown even worse on the days that preceded Ju Yang's visit. It was like his mind was constantly trying to control the situation, to restrain his second nature.
It didn't work and, every few years, Ju Yang would get strong enough to take over the body for a day or even two. And seek Mu Qing would be the first and only thing he would do.
Laying over his chest after one of their shared nights, Mu Qing once questioned Ju Yang about it.
“Do you... Seek other people?“ He asked even if that wasn't exactly what he wanted to ask. It was funny, Mu Qing would let this man fuck him until nearly passing out, but putting his feelings on the open terrified him. It was easier to change the focus and make this about Ju Yang instead.
“What?"
"You know, you are the God of Lust, that's what they say out there. And I know you come for me often, but do you look for other partners on other occasions?"
“Qing-mei, there's not 'other occasions'.“ Ju Yang caressed his hair, kissing Mu Qing's head. “Every time I wake up, I look out for you.“
"Why?" Mu Qing closed his eyes, his chest heaving, a bit afraid of that answer.
“Why would I seek another partner when I have you?“ Ju Yang moved aside, until they were both laying on the mattress, looking at each other. "Why are you asking me this, Qing-mei? Are you not satisfied with me? Do you want me to stop coming after you?"
“No, no, that's not it, I just... Don't understand why would you come to me if you have so many options to choose from.“
“You are the only option I care about.“
“How could you know? If you only come to me, how could you know that I'm...“
“You are the only one who calls my name.“ Ju Yang touched his face, fingers tracing Mu Qing's jawline. "You know me enough to distinguish me from the other guy. And you let me embrace you even if you know that I can't stay for long and give you the things you deserve. What kind of man would I be if I didn't put you as my only one priority?"
Priority. That word alone was able to change Mu Qing's whole perception about his relationship with Ju Yang. He was not someone to warm his sheets or some kind of substitute for another person or even a casual fling until Ju Yang got bored enough to ditch him aside.
He was Ju Yang's priority. The only one he had. If Mu Qing wasn't already naked, such knowledge would be enough to make him undress and give Ju Yang all of himself. Even if his mind tried to argue with him for believing sweet words so easily, Mu Qing knew about Ju Yang enough to know that a great part of his character was based on Feng Xin's. And if there's something both of them shared was the fact they despised lies.
Took them a few decades to fall into a routine. Ju Yang would appear, Mu Qing would fight him until they were alone, they would fuck for hours, talk a bit about things that happened during their separation, Ju Yang would return to Feng Xin's palace, and then Mu Qing would have to wait years until he could see him again. It wasn't what Mu Qing wanted, but between that and having nothing at all, he would gladly treasure such moments with his soul.
Feng Xin and everyone else were still unaware about Ju Yang's existence, even after two centuries of his first appearance. And Mu Qing ached looking at his rival. It was the same body, the same face, the same built... But those eyes weren't the right ones. They didn't look at Mu Qing as if he hung up the stars, they didn't glint with delight when Mu Qing laughed and they definitely didn't darkened with desire when Mu Qing fought him.
Ju Yang and Feng Xin weren't the same man, even if they shared the same body. That fact sometimes made Mu Qing think if keeping such a secret wasn't wrong. It was Feng Xin's body, he was the original owner and had the right to know about his other self. But the chances of losing his already rare encounters with Ju Yang stopped him from telling the truth.
This was the first time in his life that Mu Qing was desired like that. Treated like someone important to another person. He didn't know if Ju Yang loved him, that word seemed to be a bit strong every time he thought about it, but he certainly wanted Mu Qing to be near him. Mu Qing was being honest during that talk: he knew there was probably more than just one line of people thirsting after Feng Xin; Ju Yang had all the capacity of pleasing an entire harem on a single night without breaking a sweat if he wanted to. But he wanted Mu Qing and Mu Qing alone.
It was selfish, he knew that... But it was needed to be selfish to define priorities too and Ju Yang wasn't worried about what his other self could think about this. Ju Yang wouldn't sacrifice his relationship with Mu Qing by the sake of others. Was it so bad if Mu Qing was selfish and kept this secret between them?
Mu Qing never got to an answer, but he didn't worry about this so much. Only when the yearning got too strong he would catch himself staring at his rival, searching for any signal of Ju Yang's consciousness coming back. When he couldn't find it, he would resign himself into getting distracted with some of his hobbies, normally choosing sewing.
On one of his visits, Ju Yang noticed one of his unfinished projects over a side table of his bedroom.
“My Qing-mei is so talented...“ He commented nuzzling Mu Qing's neck while thrusting slowly, as he always did when he just wanted to appreciate their connection. Mu Qing was already too pliant and soft to effectively reciprocate the attention, but he hummed to acknowledge the comment. “I wonder if you would make your own dress for our wedding.“
Mu Qing's world tilted for a moment, his eyes suddenly a lot more focused than before, staring at the man above him. Ju Yang was smiling, in that bright, blinding way. In a swift move, Ju Yang changed their position, now sitting with Mu Qing over his lap. A whimper left Mu Qing's lips, but he couldn't get distracted by the pleasure now.
“W-What?“
“I know that I'm lucky to have someone like you to share my time and existence with. But I'm a greedy, egotistical man, Qing-mei, and every time I wake up and look out for you, I'm terrified. What if I took too long to come back this time? What if you found someone else, someone capable of giving you all the things you deserve? Someone who will be at your side everyday and give you all those worldly experiences partners have outside the bedroom?“
“I don't...“
“I know. I know you are not interested on relationships that much, but I can't stop thinking about it when I'm searching for you. Only when I find you, only when I see your eyes glimmering because you recognize me, that such a weight lifts from my chest and I can breathe again.“ Sweet fingers caressed Mu Qing's face, while the other hand grabbed him anxiously by the hip, as if scared Mu Qing would jump and leave. "I know it's wrong to want this, but I want you to marry me, Qing-mei. Even if you fall for someone else in the future, even if you decide this isn't a life you want to keep living, even if you sleep around during the time I am not here, it doesn't matter. I just want to be able to think about you as my spouse, I want to wake up with the sureness that you, at least for a period of your life, were mine.“
Mu Qing didn't know how to react, he couldn't even blink for a moment. Ju Yang didn't rush him, admiring his lover's face, waiting patiently for an answer. It took him long enough to find his voice again.
“I... I would make both our robes.“ His voice trembled, nearly muted, and then he was being kissed fiercely, strong hands guiding him to bounce and moan against that brilliant smile. There couldn't be another answer, really. Mu Qing was weak, he did everything and anything Ju Yang wanted him to do.
And that was how, two years later, his secret nearly got totally uncovered by no other than General Ming Guang. Of all people, Pei Ming.
It was an accident, really. He was overly stressed that whole month: Mount TongLu opened, paperwork accumulated because of his absence fighting ghosts, Feng Xin already started to show the first signs of letting Ju Yang out and his wedding robes weren't finished. He barely slept the last week, splitting his time between working on his office and trying to finish his robes. At least Ju Yang's robes were done, but Mu Qing still needed to finish his embroidered veil and belt. And that meeting earlier only added to his stress.
That's why he just guided Pei Ming into his quarters to retrieve an old report Ling Wen asked for, completely forgetting about the outfit displayed over a table on one corner, where he kept all he needed to complete his projects.
Standing near the door, Pei Ming took the scroll from Mu Qing's hands, with a sad expression.
“I'm deeply hurt, Xuan Zhen.“ He said, a teasing glint on his eyes.
“Uh? What for?"
"I didn't receive an invitation to your wedding.“ Mu Qing felt his blood freezing on his veins, turning his head to where the red and luxurious outer robe was. "I didn't even know that you had a lover…”
“Pei Ming.“
"Oh, are you gonna invite me now?"
“No one was invited, this... I..." How would he explain this? Pei Ming might have noticed him struggling to answer, because he patted his shoulder with a more genuine smile.
"Hey, calm down, I understand. Eloping sounds fun, I admit it. But I can't deny I'm curious now. Do I know that lover of yours?"
“No. No one here knows him.“ A fine eyebrow shot up and Mu Qing wanted to throw himself out of the window. He was exhausted and that made him a bit reckless... But this was too much!
"I see.“ Pei Ming seemed to want to say something more, but he only took a step back. “I hope you have a great marriage with this lucky man. If he fucks up, count on me to teach him a lesson or two.“
Mu Qing rolled his eyes as Pei Ming left, sighing right after. It was fine. Pei Ming didn't indulge on gossiping and he didn't have anything to gain from exposing Mu Qing.
And he didn't, in fact. A few days after their conversation, he even sent Mu Qing an 'appreciation' gift, but in the end it was a wedding gift. That was the only explanation to the very vulgar and expensive set of navy dancing robes. So, he wouldn't tell anyone, but certainly would tease Mu Qing about it on every occasion he could. It was inconvenient, but it wasn't something to worry about.
What he worried about more was having everything on order by the time Ju Yang appeared again. And it happened two weeks later.
It wasn't grand or luxurious, but it didn't need to be. They met on Mu Qing's private chambers when the sun was setting. Without saying a word, Mu Qing undressed them and proceeded to go through the slow and intimate process of getting them both dressed up on the red robes. Ju Yang didn't interrupt the silence, his eyes glimmering and staring at every single move of Mu Qing's body. Once clothed, Mu Qing covered his flushed face with a veil and guided his betrothed by the hand through a short-distancing array.
In front of a lake, surrounded by a dense forest, Mu Qing stopped beneath a cherry tree on full blossoming. Its pink flowers stood out on the darkness, the moonlight giving them an ethereal aura. It wasn't the right time of the year for it to be blossoming, yet not even the gentle breeze was able to take away any of its petals.
They didn't have a traditional ceremony. Beneath that cherry tree, on a secret and private location, they bowed for a long moment before letting their mouths find each other midway. Not a word was uttered, it wasn't needed after all. The two bodies intertwined under the full moon held all the promises, declarations and poetry their tongues would never be able to vocalize.
When the morning came, Mu Qing woke up to the rising sun, petals all around him and the most brilliant smile he ever saw on his lover's face. That was the first time he was blessed with two days of Ju Yang's, his husband, company.
Since the marriage, as if motivated to not fall short on his husband's duties, Ju Yang's visits started to get more frequent. After 400 years of their marriage, at least once per year Mu Qing was able to embrace the man who gave him everything he always wanted to have: from the charming home with a beautiful garden in the human realm, where they started to meet after getting married; to the most pure and kind love he ever heard about, full of giggles, smiles and caresses that helped Mu Qing to heal his wounds and wait patiently for him through the months.
And, then, Xie Lian ascended the third time.
Mu Qing didn't think such an occurrence would affect his marriage, but with Feng Xin now worrying about His Highness all the time, his mind didn't give any signs of weaknesses. It took Ju Yang years to be able to get out and meet Mu Qing once more. As Mu Qing explained all that happened in the last decade, Ju Yang tried to hide his frustration, hugging his beloved tightly while listening about the day the Emperor was defeated and everything that happened after it.
It was the first time since their first meeting that they spent all their time on each other's arms, without sex, only feeling their warmth and breath, kissing slowly, both grateful to have survived that day and be able to be together once again.
With his energy renewed and his heart full of his husband's affections, Mu Qing decided to visit Xie Lian and have tea with him the afternoon after saying goodbye to his lover. They were friends now, so it was only natural for him to want to spend time with His Highness when he was in a good mood, right?
What he didn't expect was to be met by screams coming from inside Puqi Shrine.
“...I TOLD YOU THAT I CAN'T!" The scream, accompanied by a punch on some furniture, paralyzed Mu Qing in front of the closed door. Was that Feng Xin?
"Do that again and I'm throwing you out.“ Crimson Rain's voice held all the fury he would expect on a situation where Xie Lian was being yelled at.
"San Lang, please, he's not offending me.“
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I just...“ Feng Xin sighed and the sound of someone sitting down accompanied his next words. "I can't tell him. How could I? He hates me.“
“He doesn't hates you...“
“He certainly should. And he will hate me if he gets to know about this.“
“Feng Xin, you like him and I'm sure he has at least a soft spot for you. I don't think he would hate you because of that and you deserve at least a closure about this.“
Oh, right, this seemed to be a really private conversation and Mu Qing shouldn't be hearing it. Maybe he should wait nearby for a better time to knock...
“It's not just about liking him, it's... I slept with Mu Qing, Your Highness.“
Wait.
Was this about him? About them?
Feng Xin remembers?!
“Ah. I-I'm sorry, I was under the impression Mu Qing still cultivated at the same path as me.“ Xie Lian sounded a bit embarrassed at that and Hua Cheng only giggled.
“He changed it nearly six hundred years ago, after, well, that. The thing is that I don't remember that night at all.“ Groaning, Feng Xin kept confessing. “I don't know what happened, how we ended up on that situation, but I woke up and he was sleeping naked at my side and I'm not stupid to not know what that meant. But I overreacted.“
“How so?"
"I dressed up and started to fight with him, I don't remember anymore what I said to him, just that he looked at me as if I had broken something precious.“
“Didn't you? He gave you everything he had.“ Commented Crimson Rain, his acid tone making Xie Lian sigh.
“That's not helping...“
“Gege, I'm sorry, but this is too much even for a dumb dog like him. And he's right, Mu Qing might really hate him if he gave up his whole cultivation base to be treated like a whore the next day.“
“San Lang..."
"And I'm not one to defend that man, but anyone would say this was abominable. It gets worse if you think he was so in love at the time that he didn't even try to kill this asshole after it. It's a wonder he doesn't gets sick every time he looks at...“
“That's enough, San Lang.“
"It's fine, His Highness, he... He's right." Feng Xin sighed and Mu Qing could imagine how he looked like a guilty dog just by the way his voice sounded. “I was an asshole to Mu Qing, he could have teared apart my reputation if he wanted to, even kill me if he saw fit, and it would only be fair.“
“He didn't, though. And he doesn't seem to hold any kind of resentment against you, even if what you did was... Awful.“ Xie Lian's voice showed how hard he was trying to see things from a better perspective. “I think if you talk to him about that and explain things clearly, he'll understand you.“
“Even if he does understands me, he'll think I'm a creep once I tell him about the dreams.“
“Oh, so you dream about him? How romantic of you.“ Mu Qing could literally visualize Hua Cheng's disgusted expression.
“They are not normal dreams. It feels very real, like, physically real. Sometimes I wake up with those images of him, of us, and I can feel it all in my body. As if... As if it had happened.“
Mu Qing felt his blood pressure drop and make him dizzy.
“Feng Xin...“
“It's driving me crazy, Xie Lian. It's like I can taste him on my tongue, feel him on my skin, touch him with my own fingers... But it's not real, it's not my reality, it's his reality! His husband's life, not mine!“ Feng Xin grunted again, a soft 'thud' indicating he might have punched the table again, in a tamer way than before, even if he was actually getting too emotional while talking, forgetting to use Xie Lian's title and calling him by name. “Fuck, I have been literally fantasizing with a married man for centuries now and I should make this stop, I know, but I can't. I just can't, even if it hurts to know he belongs to someone else. He has a husband somewhere and I should be happy for him, respect their relationship, but I can't let him go. I don't want to let him go...“
“Wait a second right there.“ Interrupted Hua Cheng, now interested in the topic. “What do you mean he's married?"
Feng Xin knew even about his marriage?! Mu Qing had to bite his lower lip to not make a noise, his eyes unfocused and his face completely red.
"I shouldn't know this. In fact, no one but General Pei should be aware of that. I only know about the marriage because I happened to be near when he discovered it. Mu Qing probably was worried about his image, like what would the Heavens say if they discovered he is married to another man. That's the only reason I can think that made him decide to keep it a secret.“
“Well, he was not wrong to worry about it, Feng Xin. Even after San Lang's help for the last decade, most gods still disapprove on our marriage.“
“That's because you are married to a Ghost King, not because he's a man.“ Corrected Feng Xin and Hua Cheng giggled, always amused to hear how despised he was on Heavens.
“To think Mu Qing, of all of them, is hiding a husband from everyone.“ The Calamity commented, taking a loud sip of what might be tea. "Heavens never fails to surprise me.“
“Indeed.“ Xie Lian hummed and no one said anything for a while.
Mu Qing was seeing double at this point, covering his mouth with one hand and trying to keep his ragged breathing quiet enough to not be perceived.
Feng Xin didn't know, but at the same time he knew. Ju Yang never mentioned anything about letting Feng Xin see or remember his experiences, so he probably didn't know the original personality was able to access those memories.
And Mu Qing should have known this might happen. He read about this before, never stopping his research about such curious event. He knew there was occasions where both minds would overlap somehow, sometimes even allowing them to interact directly with one another or giving them the ability to see what the other consciousness did.
Fortunately, Feng Xin thought those were only too realistic dreams. Fantasies that felt too real. But they weren't fantasies, nor dreams, of course not.
Taking a few deep breaths, Mu Qing started to walk backwards, putting a bit of distance between the shrine's door and himself. Slowly, he walked away until he was close to the river nearby, but far enough to not be heard so easily. Letting himself sit down under a tree, Mu Qing closed his eyes and tried to control the anxiousness that was starting to take over his mind, but it didn't take long for him to notice that such a feeling was justified enough to not be subdued by logical thinking. After all, Feng Xin knew about Ju Yang's actions, even if not aware of his existence yet.
Yet. That was the key word on this situation and panic started to bubble inside Mu Qing's chest.
When Feng Xin finds out about Ju Yang and his relationship with Mu Qing... Then what? What would he do? What would Mu Qing do? He said he liked Mu Qing, but he was an honest man. Someone that despised lies. Haven't Mu Qing lied to him for all those centuries and about something as crucial as the existence of another person on his body?
Looking up to the clear sky, Mu Qing returned to that old question, the one he decided to ignore for so long and now he was forced to face again.
When the truth inevitably comes out, what would happen to the three of them?
The two gods living on one body, which one got to decide the future of their predicament? Which one had the right to determine the other's destiny? How could they force one's decision over the other?
In the end, what could be the solution of such dilemma?