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Chapter Text

Jayce woke up knowing it was going to be a bad day. He walked into the lab with purple rings surrounding his eyes and greeted Viktor.

“g’morning Viktor…” Jayce said tiredly as he began walking over to his desk to start tinkering with their latest project.

“Good morning Jayce.” He could feel Viktors eyes on him, but decided not to look directly at him. Ever since he was a kid, he felt like he was a burden to anyone around him. He constantly needed to touch, hug, or hold someone’s hand; it brought him sense of comfort he could not explain. He figured that the touches annoyed people, especially Viktor. Whenever he would instinctively put a hand on Viktor’s shoulder, he would look at him with those amber eyes that made him feel like he about to drown with embarrassment. Jayce loved Viktor, this was no surprise, but he kept it to himself thinking there is no way Viktor could ever like him. Viktor was an intelligent, handsome, and just an amazing person to his eyes, but Jayce was just a needy, anxious, and nervous person. He knew it was distracting to most when he would bounce his leg, bite his nails, or just make random noises instinctively. 

Jayce kept tinkering with the piece of metal in his hand with a screwdriver when he heard it; the sound of snow flowing against the window. He immediately started shaking as his breathing picked up speed. “Fuck- not right now,” he thought to himself as he started picturing the snow hitting him and his mothers’ face as they trekked to safety. He brought his head into his hands as he tried to slow his breathing, nothing was working this time. He tried to block out the sound of the blizzard outside their large window, but nothing was helping. Images in his mind of his mother falling to the ground as he screamed for help, “Mom? Mom?! Mom wake up! Help please! Someone help us!” His younger voice replayed in his head making him bite his lip to choke back a sob. You cannot cry in the lab like this, and by Viktor too, he told himself but as he kept seeing flashes of him as a child screaming out for help, he felt like he was going to die. He despised the cold after that day, he felt like he was in that blizzard again every time he felt colder than normal. Viktor did not know about Jayce’s trauma, he did not want him to. He could imagine Viktors voice if he told him, “It is not that serious Jayce,” he remembers all the voices telling him that anytime he told somebody about his fear, this made him even more anxious and stressed out than before. He did not even realize he was tugging at his hair, but he did not stop, he couldn’t stop. He dropped the piece of metal in his hand as he started mumbling to himself not even realizing it, “No no no- stop stop please…”

Viktor could hear slight mumbling near Jayce’s side of the room so he turned around to notice Jayce’s hands in his hair, tugging hard as tears rolled down his cheeks. “Jayce?” He called out, but no answer was given. He grabbed his cane and walked over to him placing a hand on his shoulder. “Jayce, look at me.” He said softly not trying to alarm him, but it seemed to anyway.

Jayce jumped almost falling out of his chair as he made eye contact with Viktor, his Viktor. “V-V… I-I… stop stop stop!” He started yelling and sobbing as he started slamming his head against his hands.

“Jayce, lásko please look at me.” Viktor exclaimed softly as he brought Jayce’s face in his hands, staring at his big brown puppy dog eyes covered with tears. “Breathe with me okay?” Viktor said as he started taking deep breaths in and out. He noticed Jayce shaking so he ran his thumb across his face to try and soothe his nerves. 

Jayce stared at Viktor for a few seconds before only seeing him so he started to shakily match his breathing. He felt Viktor’s thumb run across his face and this only calmed him down more. Some time passed and Jayce’s breathing had almost back to normal so he spoke. “I-I’m sorry Viktor… I-I just…” Jayce wanted to explain, but could not, but he knew he had to. There was no other explanation he could come up with in the moment to back this.

“Do not apologize.” Viktor let go of his face for a moment to grab a chair and sit next to him. “What happened just now?” Viktor slowly said as he rested his hand on Jayce’s arm.

”I-It is not that serious… y-you can go back to whatever you were working on…” Jayce mumbled turning his gaze back to the piece of metal as he wiped the tears from his cheeks.

”No, Jayce.” He scooted his chair closer to his. “I am staying right here until I know you are okay, you really scared me just now.” Viktor says as he grabs Jayce’s hands off his face to wipe his tears for him with his thumb. “You do not need to explain anything if you do not wish to, just know I am right here and I will listen to you and take you seriously.” 

Jayce processed Viktor’s words as another tear slipped down his cheek, this is why I love this man. He thought to himself as he took a deep breath. “W-Well I just have a hard time being around snow…” Jayce explained as he started picking at his cuticles anxiously.

Viktor listened and noticed him picking at his fingers so he grabbed them both to hold them. “Why is that?” Viktor said as he looked into his brown eyes with his bright amber ones.

Jayce felt warm inside as he felt Viktor’s hands on his own so he felt much more comfortable to explain. “When I was younger, me and my mother got caught in a really bad blizzard and- s-she almost died.” Jayce said as he started to hyperventilate again but matched Viktors breathing, like Viktor asked as he continued to explain. “I-I called for help so many times… i-it was so cold Viktor, I do not wanna be cold.” Jayce said as tears started slipping down his cheeks again.

Viktor softened at his explanation and leaned in to give him a hug, he noticed Jayce loves physical affection and touch, secretly so does he. 

Jayce stiffened as Viktor suddenly hugged him but immediately leaned into it gripping onto his shoulders tightly. 

“Why did you never tell me?” Viktor expressed softly running his fingers through his hair. 

“I-I just thought you would think it wouldn’t be that serious, nobody has ever taken me seriously when I tell them. I-I know I am a lot sometimes but I just- ugh…” Jayce explained as tears flowed onto Viktor’s vest. 

Viktor gritted his teeth at Jayce’s confession but he pulled Jayce off his shoulder to smile sweetly at him. “I will always take you seriously lásko, and you are not a lot to me, you are everything.” Viktor expressed as he stared at Jayce’s lips.

Jayce’s eyes widen as he hears Viktor’s words and does not even think when he says, “I love you Viktor.”

Viktor smiles at him sweetly once again before leaning down and kissing him. Jayce melted into the kiss and leaned into the hands in his hair. “V…” Jayce breathed out as he gripped Viktor’s shoulders. 

Viktor broke the kiss smiling at Jayce’s blushing face. “I love you too Jayce.” He said softly running his fingers across his cheek. “Please let me know when something is bothering you okay?” Viktor explained smiling once again at Jayce’s lovesick face.

Jayce nodded as he kissed him again, he could get used to this.

Chapter Text

Jayce and Viktor had been dating for a few months now, Jayce felt happier than ever despite his inner problems. He decided to brush them off when it got pretty bad and just focused on the fact he had gotten the man he has always wanted, and he loved him. 

They were constantly at each other’s houses after being in the lab for hours on end. They enjoyed their work and put much hard work into it but they savored one thing, being with each other. Jayce understood his love language was physical touch, him and Viktor have talked and he understands that Viktor does not mind no matter how much his mind thinks it. His PTSD has not affected him in a while and has mostly forgotten about it because of how distracted he has been. It also helps that the weather has not been as bad in the past few months than before, that is until he starts having dreams. 

Jayce had dreamt the same dream over and over again where he was in that blizzard again, screaming for his mother to wake up. He did not want to alarm Viktor about this because “it wasn’t that serious,” as his mind would say. He has tried constantly to understand that ‘it is not his fault’ that his trauma always comes back to him, never leaving. But he cannot help feeling like he is just weak; he does not wanna be weak, he can’t be, not for anyone. He knows everyone looks up to him, he should not be the man that everyone expects things from to breakdown over ‘stupid snow.’ Jayce is bad at expressing how he feels, even though he feels so safe with Viktor, he can’t bring himself to do it. 

It has been days of the same dream, he would wake up sobbing to clutch his blanket and make himself warm. He did not want to be cold ever again. He would walk into the lab every day since knowing he looked like shit, this was not an exaggeration. His eyes were purple and puffy, his hair was messy and knotted like he hadn’t brushed it in days (he hasn’t), and his body was aching. He could tell Viktor was noticing, but he figured that they had too much to focus on for him to do anything. He tried everything he could to focus but with the dreams causing him to wake up and cry, he was so tired. He realized halfway through his working his eyes started to droop so he got up.

“Hey V… I’m gonna get some coffee, do you want some sweet milk?” Jayce asked with a hand on his shoulder rubbing it as he yawned.

“Yeah, that’d be nice. Thank you Jayce.” Viktor said turning around to smile and then inspect his face. “You look very tired, how much have you slept?” Viktor said softly running his fingers across Jayce’s cheek.

Jayce’s eyes widened as he giggled nervously, “U-Uh enough… I’m gonna go get the drinks, okay?” Jayce left the room before Viktor could say anything else in response.

Jayce sighed as he swiftly closed the door to the lab to head to the cafe. He picked up a coffee for himself and sweet milk for Viktor. On his way back, he was already halfway done with the coffee, his tiredness slowly fading away for the meantime which made him feel much better.

Viktor sat in his chair pondering on why Jayce was acting this way. He did not want to assume anything, but he figured Jayce was not getting the sleep he should be. The main question was why? Why was Jayce not getting sleep and why wasn’t he telling Viktor the reason? He realized he had been thinking for so long because Jayce opened the door to the lab with the drinks.

”Here, V.” Jayce said handing him the sweet milk as he finished his coffee making him throw it in the garbage.

”Thank you Jayce, I appreciate it. You already finished yours?” Viktor noticed as he threw his plastic cup out.

”Hah yeah.” Jayce said as he kissed Viktors cheek and headed over to his own desk to start working, not tiredly this time.

Viktor could clearly tell something was wrong, he always did when it came to Jayce, but he could also tell he did not want to talk about it. Viktor just waited until he eventually felt comfortable to share it on his own.

Viktor and Jayce finished up their work and decided to head to Jayce’s house to rest for the night. Viktor suggested this slyly so he could possibly help Jayce get the sleep he clearly needed. 

“You want anything to eat before he head to bed?” Jayce asked and Viktor just shook his head and led him to the bedroom where they both changed into something more comfortable. 

Viktor crawled into bed with him as he turned Jayce to the side to wrap his arms around his big, but thin waist. He loved cuddling with Jayce, he knew Jayce loved it as well, maybe more because after a few minutes of them hugging, he heard Jayce’s slow breaths which meant he fell asleep. Viktor felt accomplished knowing this definitely helped him sleep so he began to doze off as well.

Jayce was dreaming again. 

Just like the nights before.

He thought they would be gone by now.

No…

No…

No…

He kept dreaming the same scene over and over again as he suddenly jumped out of his skin, waking up to hyperventilate and clutch his chest. He felt Viktors arms still around him and tried to focus on Viktors slow breathing behind him but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bare the face if Viktor saying, “Why didn’t you tell me?” The only reason he had was that he would only feel weaker than he did now. 

Tears ran, and ran down his cheeks as he hugged the blanket onto himself when he felt Viktor’s arms wrap tighter around his waist.

Viktor’s arms.

His Viktor.

Viktor’s voice.

”It’s okay Jayce, let it out.”

Jayce suddenly had no more control left inside him as he turned around, hugging Viktor tightly and crying streams of tears into his neck.

“V-Viktor I-I’m s-sorry…” Jayce cried out into his shoulder clutching onto his whole body.

“You do not need to apologize to me láska, let me hold you.” Viktor said softly into his ear, brushing out the tangles in Jayce’s hair with his fingers.

Jayce just laid in Viktors arm for what felt like an eternity as he raised his head to stare at Viktor and wipe his tears that stained his cheeks.

Viktor started wiping them for him smiling as he kissed every spot where tears fell.

Jayce felt warmth, what he craved, as he began letting tears run down his cheeks again.

“I don’t deserve you.”

Jayce realized what he said before he saw Viktor looking at him with tears in his eyes and with so much love it scared him. 

“You deserve everything in the world Jayce, in every timeline and possibility, I would give you everything you desire.”

Jayce crumpled down giving Viktor the fattest hug imaginable as he began to sob again. “I-I’m so f-fucking tired of this! W-Why can’t I handle a stupid d-dream?!” Jayce cried out loudly gripping onto Viktor like it was his lifeline.

Viktor felt his heart break into a million pieces. He wished he could tear all the pain away from Jayce, but he knew he couldn’t. “You’re human láska, you’re allowed to let yourself go sometimes, especially with me. I will never judge you for your feelings, they’re your own and you can’t control them.” 

“I-I don’t wanna be weak… I-I’m supposed to be strong and help people, b-but I can’t even help myself from fucking crying about snow!” 

Viktor understood immediately what the dream was about and realized there was nothing he could do except hold him and run his fingers down his back until he calmed down.

Jayce just laid there on Viktor as he felt himself start to calm down. He just leaned into the touch on his head as he breathed in deep breaths.

”I-I love you so much V… sorry for not telling you about the dreams sooner…” Jayce said with a guilty tone behind his voice as he felt Viktor pushing him upwards to place a kiss on his lips.

Viktor broke the quick kiss and smiled. “I knew something was going on but I didn’t want to ask you so soon, I knew you would come when you were ready.” 

“You know me so well…” Jayce giggled out as he sniffled and wiped his tears. “Sorry, I probably look gross right now.” 

Viktor furrowed his brows and cupped Jayce’s face. “You’re as beautiful as the day I fell in love with you.”

Jayce blushed trying to look away but he couldn’t, he just kept staring at the love in Viktor’s eyes and he knew he was serious. 

“And when would that be?” Jayce asked smiling.

”The day we met.”