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“Are you sure about this?”

A lump in Lu Guang's throat cracked his voice at the last word. He was surprised that Cheng Xiaoshi had even bothered to spend this evening on the couch of the photo studio instead of the home he had just bought a week ago. He chose this crappy couch over that glorious home with his fiancee. 

“Of course I'm sure!” Cheng Xiaoshi's eyes shot open. He smiled with a small scoff, unable to believe Lu Guang's hesitance. “You're my from-the-start bro! That's besides Qiao Ling, but you understand, don't you? You can't miss this.”

“Of course I won't miss it.”

Only you. 

“It's just that...” 

Lu Guang wasn't sure. At least, he wasn't sure of what to say. He wasn't stupid, nor dense to his own heart— Lu Guang knew what he truly wanted. 

Cheng Xiaoshi whined with irritation, and slumped on his partner's shoulder. He had returned all the way back here, to Shanghai, from cities away just to invite his best friend to his wedding personally. This coldness from Lu Guang wasn't new to him, but it was still bothersome.

Right, it was important to be grateful. And Lu Guang knew better than to keep Cheng Xiaoshi waiting; he couldn't afford to upset him now. He sucked in his breath for a second before explaining again. 

“It's just that– well, you go quiet on me over text for weeks. You don't answer my calls for weeks. And you just... walk in here, all grand and proud, and tell me you're officially tied down to Yetao.”

“And you're gonna be the man of the night! I mean, besides me,” Cheng Xiaoshi shrugged with a smug smile. He wasn't doing a good job hiding his desperation, though. 

At the same time, Lu Guang was doing a crappy job at playing the unaffected bystander.

Worry struck as Cheng Xiaoshi sensed a flicker of resentment from his best friend. He stopped himself from saying anything else, but couldn't conceal the way his smile faded into a troubled frown.

“You don't need to talk to people much. I just... want you to be there.” Cheng Xiaoshi lowered his head. The space between them on the same couch suddenly felt all too wide. 

“I just want you to be there for me. Like you always are,” he continued.

Lu Guang scoffed at the sheer audacity of that wish.

As if I'm not wishing the same thing. 

Because how was that fair? Lu Guang had stuck with this idiot since the day they met. He endured his stubbornness, his crazy demands, all those jokes and the constant teasing for years. And eventually, he embraced it all.

How could one not, after fucking up time's course countless times just to save one foolish man?

His fingers dug into his own knees. He had been here all this time. He would face death in the eye and fight it just to spend one more second together. And if Cheng Xiaoshi was willing to do the same, why does he wear the same ring as someone who was not Lu Guang?

It made no goddamn sense. But Lu Guang wasn't one to demand sense from Cheng Xiaoshi either. And so, he yielded.

“... that I am,” he agreed with a bitter smile. “So, I guess I'll be there.”

All he ever demanded from Cheng Xiaoshi was happiness. He would fight himself just to ensure this gift would stay untouched.

But his heart ached at seeing Cheng Xiaoshi smile. Oh, how it both ached and beamed in a conflicting beat. Cheng Xiaoshi pulled him into a tight hug with a smile at those words.

“Thank you, Lu Guang.” He breathed out. “And I'm sorry.”

The embrace grew tighter when Lu Guang reciprocated. His hands held on to the other man's back harder than he wished he would.

“Don't ever say sorry,” Lu Guang stressed.

That gaze full of pity from Cheng Xiaoshi infuriated him to no end. 

Don't you look at me that way. 

He wanted to hurt. But not when Cheng Xiaoshi was all that was around. Rather, he wanted all the hurt to come to himself instead. It's always been that way— every dive back into time was an attempt to take Cheng Xiaoshi's pain for himself. Even to the point of taking the node of death for himself.

And so, Lu Guang continued. He would reject this; pity wasn't the reward he wanted for finally screwing up the timeline enough that Cheng Xiaoshi would be living to their thirties. 

“I'm not mad anymore. About– about you being busy, the phone and everything. I should just get used to it.”

“Oh, Lu Guang, I'm not gonna repeat that!” Cheng Xiaoshi chuckled, and patted his back. “We're still best friends. You're still my best man. I'm not ghosting your ass anytime soon.”

He pulled back to give Lu Guang a playful punch on his arm.

“And just to make sure we can still keep in touch, you can babysit for us in a year or so! I've told Yetao so much about you. She said she'd trust you with our baby.” Cheng Xiaoshi beamed, eager at the future he was picturing.

A cold sweat enveloped Lu Guang.

He placed a hand over his face for a moment, and pushed it up to somehow wake himself up. This couldn't be real.

“... she's pregnant,” Lu Guang spoke, not even questioning. 

Cheng Xiaoshi crossed his arms proudly, and nodded once. 

“Hell yeah. It finally worked! My swimmers are really efficient!” He declared, and earned a slap on the arm from Lu Guang.

“Gross.” He shook his head with a small smile he failed to hide. “Yetao's truly unlucky to have to tolerate your language all year round.”

“Bah. If you could do it, she can too.”

Huh. Lu Guang kept that wry smile on his lips awkwardly. 

Could she do it? 

Could she go through a repeating three-year torture infinitely, because I could do it?

Lu Guang sat and nodded in agreement, much to Cheng Xiaoshi's pleasure. That was his best friend right there. Eventually, he always yielded. Because he couldn't possibly resist Cheng Xiaoshi.

“Good for you. You have two people who would be willing to spend a life with someone like you.”

“Ah, don't flatter me, Lu Guang.” Cheng Xiaoshi laughed a little, and lied down on the couch. “You're just making me miss her already.”

“And your baby.”

“And our baby.”

“Have you discussed what you want to name it?”

“It is not an it, Lu Guang!” Cheng Xiaoshi huffed. “I mean– I can say it, but it's 'cuz I dunno the sex yet.”

“Just get to the point.”

At that moment, silence stretched out. Cheng Xiaoshi and Xiu Yetao had indeed not chosen names just yet.

“Neither of us are so good with names... Yetao wanted to name the baby something English-y. And she refuses to let me name the baby Yexiao. I mean, isn't it cute? It's her name and my name together!”

“It's like a corny love team on television.” Lu Guang replied, also staring up at the stars through the glass ceiling of the photo studio.

“... but it's a perfect match,” he continued, almost begrudgingly sarcastic.

“How about you name the baby?”

“For God's sake, it's not mine. Why give me the responsibility?”

“You'll be babysitting! It'd be like it's yours!”

If only it worked that way. If only hanging out at the married couple's home would help feed Lu Guang's fantasy that Cheng Xiaoshi was still his.

“We'll cross that bridge when we get there.” Lu Guang crossed his legs. 

“For now, just– I need you to confirm it to me. If you're sure.”

“I am!”

“About me being best man.”

“Hell yes, sir.”

“About her?”

“Obviously!”

“The baby. You're keeping it?”

“I'd kill for her! Or him!”

Lu Guang smiled. Smiled more than he had ever done his whole life.

He placed a hand over Cheng Xiaoshi's, pressing his lips together in an attempt to collect himself.

“I'll be there.”

Lu Guang would appear. Just to truly feel that he played a part in making Cheng Xiaoshi the happiest man in the world.

What a crappy excuse for a reward. But someone who wasn't chosen couldn't be a chooser.