Chapter Text
Tav wipes her brow as she focuses on pouring her latest concoction into a bottle. She’s been selling a lot of healing potions lately and it’s been difficult to keep them in stock.
She’d probably need to go foraging soon, since her little garden wasn’t ready for another harvest yet. The plants still needed time to regrow. That wasn’t a terrible thing though, since Tav loved wandering through the forest. She hadn’t been here terribly long yet, less than a year, so she was still regularly discovering new things.
Everything was all so new.
Sometimes it felt there was a never-ending list of things Tav needed to do to help her shop get off the ground, but she found it fun. Even sitting down and thinking of what should be added to the list had led to varying levels of excitement.
“Here you go,” Tav said to her current customer as she handed over the now full bottle. She was a sweet old lady, who lived further into the town and came often. Most people lived further into the town than Tav did.
“Thank you dear,” the old woman said with a smile. “This will be very useful.”
Healing potions usually are.
“It’s starting to get colder, does your house have everything it needs?”
Tav nodded. “Things are coming along.” It still needs some work, but it will keep her warm when the weather completely turns. She’s been making small improvements since she arrived and most of the work left was cosmetics, which Tav cares significantly less about.
The house doesn’t have much, but she doesn’t need or want much so it’s fine.
“Well, if you want to come over for dinner one night to have more company, we would be happy to have you.” A common offer from this particular customer. “In fact, my grandson—.”
Luckily for Tav, it was at that moment that one of the window shutters slammed open, then closed again. “Maybe you should head home before the wind gets too bad,” she suggested. “I had to chase down a lawn ornament last night and I would hate for something to happen to you.
The lawn ornament in question was a wooden carved image of Scratch and the Owlbear cub that Halsin had carved for her. Tav would have been devastated if it had been lost or damaged.
It has since been moved inside until she can find something to weigh it down.
“Oh,” the old woman looked outside. “I hadn’t realized how bad it was getting, maybe I should go then.”
Tav nodded and walked her to the door. “Get home safely.”
“Thank you dear,” the old woman said as she exited.
“Thank you for coming,” Tav said as the woman left, leaving her as the sole occupant of the shop again.
She signed rubbed her arm. That one spot always bothered her during bad weather, and it had been irritating her for the last hour. Tav has some cream at home that she can put on it if it starts bothering her too much.
It’s not like the area really hurts, so waiting should not be an issue.
Tav was happy running her apothecary shop. It wasn’t too big for her to handle on her own, the town it was in and its people were nice, it was next to a forest, and she wouldn’t need to travel terribly far to visit anyone important.
Well besides Lae’zel, but she was in the Astral Planes so that was different.
She had toyed with the idea of using her herbal knowledge to make coin before the Nautiloid had grabbed her. A shop seemed like a logical answer if she wanted to use her skills for a decent purpose.
Tav went to check the inventory left on the shelves. It was getting late, so she’d need to close for the night soon.
She needs to know what to restock on before opening again in the morning.
The people in town came often enough to buy things from her and they were close enough to the main road the travelers also frequently came. It was always a good idea to be well stocked.
Before mind flayers had kidnapped her, Tav mostly just picked up odd jobs from whomever would hire her. She had tried going back to that after returning home, but it didn’t feel right. It was like nothing fit. Tav was happy to go home and see the people who cared about her. Her brother had been terrified that she was dead in a ditch somewhere. Spyros had been beyond relief when a letter from her arrived and explained her absence, but it hadn’t exactly quelled his worries given the danger she was in.
At first returning was nice. She got to rest, see Spyros and his girlfriend, and try to decompress from all that had happened since her kidnapping. That hadn’t lasted very long though.
Being back, seeing familiar fields and buildings, seeing sights that reminded her of things that were better off not being dwelled on, it hadn’t been nice. Tav just couldn’t stay. She’d been gone, maybe not of her own free will, but gone nonetheless. She knew what life was like outside of her old stomping grounds and could not slip back into staying.
She just wasn’t the same person she’d been before.
Tav had changed so much during her travels, hells she’d changed so much since her younger years of just following orders. Being back ‘home’, didn’t exactly make her feel good. Tav will visit, but staying just doesn’t seem like a good idea.
For everyone involved really.
Tav wasn’t exactly surprised that that was the case, she’d never quite felt comfortable where her brother and the people she’d grown up with settled. She was younger then though, and her desire to be with Spyros had outweighed everything else. He was all she had left, that really mattered anyway, and they needed each other.
The Nautiloid has forced them both to mature in more ways than one.
Tav was older now, they didn’t need each other in the same way, and she had decided to go out on her own. She was still close enough to visit frequently, but now she wasn’t surrounded by people who knew all about her past.
Who would constantly stare and judge everything she said and did. Like she was really any different from them.
Tav goes to flip the closed sign over and locks the shop door. Then heads to the other side of her lot where her small house waited. She could use her alchemy set there to keep working.
Another benefit of her current location was that it was only a couple of days travel to Baldur’s Gate by foot. It was easy enough to send and receive letters, and if Tav ever really needed to, getting to the city would not be terribly difficult.
It also wasn’t so close that Tav was at risk of running into people she’d rather not see.
She didn’t want to get too close to Baldur’s Gate. Tav would prefer to fade from people’s memories, and being constantly present would make that very difficult. She did not want or need her new fancy title. Despite what everyone else seemed to think, despite what her friends believed, she was not a hero and never would be. She just wants a peaceful, quiet life now.
Honestly, since they met, Tav had been expecting Jahiera to confront her at the very least over her past.
It never happened, but she never really felt comfortable being surrounded by people who had such positive things to say about her. It was uncomfortable and she still felt like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Tav is sitting at her small kitchen table reading her mail.
The most important letter is the one from her brother who had reportedly just gotten engaged. Most of the letter was him gushing in excitement over his proposal and bemoaning that they no longer live close to each other anymore so he couldn’t tell her in person.
At least he understands why she left, though Tav knows that he wants them to visit each other more often.
Tav is happy to hear the news. There was a time when such a thing would have been impossible. She will have to go visit so she can congratulate him and his fiancée in person.
It’s been too long since she gone back to see him anyway.
Spyros’s wasn’t the only letter she’d received that morning though. The postmen had also delivered a missive from Shadowheart and one from Gale appeared in a flash of light on her counter when she’d entered the kitchen to make breakfast.
Both their letters started out with updates on their families. Gale’s mother had recently hosted a dinner party, while Shadowheart’s parents were enjoying helping her take care of all her animals, including Scratch and the Owlbear cub.
The ends of their letters were also similar.
Apparently, they both thought it was a great idea to have another reunion, with both suggesting Baldur’s Gate as the location.
Tav doesn’t hold back a snort at how unsubtle they are being.
She prefers to avoid big cities as a general rule, which is something all her friends know. Besides, whatever small reunion her friends want to host will likely also include more than just the three of them, even if there would not be nearly as many as the party Withers threw.
Karlach and Wyll are still fighting in Avernus. Withers might have found a way to safely get Karlach home for a night, but it was unlikely that Gale or Shadowheart could accomplish that as well. Jahira and Minsc are who knows where, doing who knows what. Tav hadn’t heard from either of them in a while, so they could be on the other side of Faerun for all she knew. Halsin is busy in the now former Shadowlands and has his hands full with the orphans and restoration effort according to his last letter. Lae’zel is running a literal rebellion, and no one’s heard from Minthara in ages.
The reunion would likely just be the three of them…and Astarion
Tav hadn’t heard anything from Astarion since the party Withers threw a couple of months ago and even then, they hadn’t spoken. She’d seem him talking with everyone else, but he had been obvious in his avoidance of her.
She hadn’t minded that, as she’d had no desire to interact with him either.
The last time Tav had seen Astarion before that night was right when the sun had started burning him again. It had been horrifying, and she had spent hours looking for him, happily forgoing the partying that had erupted all over the city that night. She never found him. Tav probably wouldn’t even know if he was still alive or not if the others hadn’t told her that he was fine, but did not want to see her.
She still has no idea what exactly happened, but the fact that Astarion just disappeared on her after the Netherbrain without a proper explanation was enough to put her off.
Tav had thought they were friends, and that said friendship had been going well. Astarion had admitted trying to manipulate her, said he was happy with their friendship, agreed not to Ascend, and opened up to her in so many ways. Tav had considered opening up to him as well but had wanted to wait until everything was over before really thinking about that. Too much was going on for her to really think about it properly and Astarion had still been dealing with his own issues.
Everything seemed fine.
Sure, Astarion had been upset that once the tadpoles were gone, he’d no longer be able to walk in the sun, but he had seemed at peace with his decision. He’d had a good cry over everything, showed her his grave, and they’d discussed the future.
Then he was gone.
At first Tav had been heartbroken, then the anger and doubts crept in. Had he been lying to her about everything the entire time, had he never stopped using her? Maybe Astarion had been lying about caring for her and everything he’d said at his grave had been an act.
Eventually though, the anger had faded.
Ultimately it did not matter why Astarion did what he did. He’d made his choice, and they were nothing to each other now, there was no changing that. It would have been nice to know why Astarion wanted them to no longer to be friends, or in each other’s lives at all, but knowing wouldn’t change what happened.
He’s had months to reach out. The others know where she is, so it’s not like Astarion would have to try very hard to find her. Or send a letter. The fact that he hasn’t speaks for itself.
They probably wouldn’t have been able to maintain a very healthy friendship anyway. Tav is more than happy in her small shop, not terribly close to any city, and living in obscurity while Astarion is living it up in Baldur’s Gate.
From the little the others have told her, he’s been making a name for himself in the city. Meeting lots of important people, going to parties, making lots of connections and money. Tav isn’t sure what Astarion’s job is, if he even had one, but she’s never cared enough to ask.
Either way, it was not a life that sounds especially enjoyable to her.
They’d never be able to hang out and do things that they both enjoyed. Tav isn’t the most knowledgeable about friendship, but she does know that to maintain any relationship you have to put the effort in. Part of that involves spending enjoyable time together. What would even be the point if they defined fun in such different ways? If their very lives bored each other?
She was too boring for him and Astarion was too extroverted for her. Just hearing the little Tav did about his life sounded utterly exhausting and there was no way Astarion would be content and happy ‘slumming’ it in a small town and forest.
He’d hated traveling through forests before and had nearly constantly complained. At least until Lae’zel started threatening to cut off various body parts of his until he stopped.
She was probably just a distraction to Astarion, nothing less and nothing more.
Tav has a lot on her plate anyway. The shop needs work, her house needs some improvements, and she wants to clear some of her schedule so she can visit her brother. More immediately, she also needs to go outside soon, or the ravens she leaves food for will get all annoyed about waiting. She has a very full life now, and Astarion is very low on her list of priorities.
It just would have been kinder of him to have not lied to her so much.
Astarion isn’t sure what to do. He really hadn’t thought things would take so long.
He figured that within a few months everything would be settled and then he could go after Tav. Almost a year had gone by though, and while many of his goals had been met, it still did not feel like enough.
Astarion suspects it never will
While he had been happy about being Tav’s friend, more than happy in fact, he’d also known pretty quickly that he’d also been lying, something that unfortunately seems to have become a defining feature of their relationship.
Astarion hadn’t wanted to just be friends.
Maybe at the time, what he really needed was a friend, but what he felt for Tav most definitely did not end with friendship. Astarion hesitates to call it love, what would he even know about that emotion, but it certainly felt like it was heading in that direction.
Leaving until he’d gotten his shit together had seemed like a good idea when he’d first run off.
At the same time, Astarion knows he can’t drag his feet forever. If he keeps waiting, he’ll never get what he wants.
He’d let Tav go twice now and had regretted both times.
The first was when he and Tav agreed to be just friends. He suspects that that was what they both needed and were ready for at the time, especially given both their thoughts on sex and personal issues. Still, Astarion had been constantly worried she’d end up falling for someone else and he’d never have a chance to change their relationship.
Astarion had spent an embarrassing amount of time watching everyone in camp, paranoid that someone else would sweep Tav off her feet. He’d nearly stabbed Halsin when the oversized wood elf had propositioned her. She’d turned him down, and like when he’d brought up the subject, had looked very uncomfortable at the mere mention of sex. At least the druid had seemed more understanding about Tav’s opinion on carnal delights than he’d been.
The second time that he’d let Tav go was when he left.
Astarion could have explained himself, could have assured her that she wasn’t the problem. Instead, he’d just run away. Astarion hadn’t even had the courage to speak with her during the reunion.
Astarion should have said…something to her before he left, or even at that blasted reunion. He has no idea what he could have possibly said that would have placated her, but not saying anything certainly hadn’t been doing him any favors.
He’d been a coward after the tadpoles were gone, and a coward at the party. Tav had just looked so blank when she caught sight of him. No facial expression at all, and she had gone out of her way to avoid being anywhere near him. It had been obvious how little she wanted to speak with him. Not that Astarion really blamed her; he’d been avoiding her as well. Until he has some sort of plan, speaking with Tav was out of the question.
The party had let him see her though, and Astarion had taken every opportunity he could to watch her and see how she was doing.
Astarion had just watched her happily catching up with everyone else, being careful not to be caught staring. Though that hadn’t stopped Shadowheart and Lae’zel from mocking him about it later.
He can’t keep this up though, he needs to do something. Tav deserves better than to think he never cared.