Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tav wipes her brow as she focuses on pouring her latest concoction into a bottle. She’s been selling a lot of healing potions lately and it’s been difficult to keep them in stock.

She’d probably need to go foraging soon, since her little garden wasn’t ready for another harvest yet. The plants still needed time to regrow. That wasn’t a terrible thing though, since Tav loved wandering through the forest. She hadn’t been here terribly long yet, less than a year, so she was still regularly discovering new things.

Everything was all so new.

Sometimes it felt there was a never-ending list of things Tav needed to do to help her shop get off the ground, but she found it fun. Even sitting down and thinking of what should be added to the list had led to varying levels of excitement.

“Here you go,” Tav said to her current customer as she handed over the now full bottle. She was a sweet old lady, who lived further into the town and came often. Most people lived further into the town than Tav did.

“Thank you dear,” the old woman said with a smile. “This will be very useful.”

Healing potions usually are.

“It’s starting to get colder, does your house have everything it needs?”

Tav nodded. “Things are coming along.” It still needs some work, but it will keep her warm when the weather completely turns. She’s been making small improvements since she arrived and most of the work left was cosmetics, which Tav cares significantly less about.

The house doesn’t have much, but she doesn’t need or want much so it’s fine.

“Well, if you want to come over for dinner one night to have more company, we would be happy to have you.” A common offer from this particular customer. “In fact, my grandson—.”

Luckily for Tav, it was at that moment that one of the window shutters slammed open, then closed again. “Maybe you should head home before the wind gets too bad,” she suggested. “I had to chase down a lawn ornament last night and I would hate for something to happen to you.

The lawn ornament in question was a wooden carved image of Scratch and the Owlbear cub that Halsin had carved for her. Tav would have been devastated if it had been lost or damaged.

It has since been moved inside until she can find something to weigh it down.

“Oh,” the old woman looked outside. “I hadn’t realized how bad it was getting, maybe I should go then.”

Tav nodded and walked her to the door. “Get home safely.”

“Thank you dear,” the old woman said as she exited.

“Thank you for coming,” Tav said as the woman left, leaving her as the sole occupant of the shop again.

She signed rubbed her arm. That one spot always bothered her during bad weather, and it had been irritating her for the last hour. Tav has some cream at home that she can put on it if it starts bothering her too much.

It’s not like the area really hurts, so waiting should not be an issue.

Tav was happy running her apothecary shop. It wasn’t too big for her to handle on her own, the town it was in and its people were nice, it was next to a forest, and she wouldn’t need to travel terribly far to visit anyone important.

Well besides Lae’zel, but she was in the Astral Planes so that was different.

She had toyed with the idea of using her herbal knowledge to make coin before the Nautiloid had grabbed her. A shop seemed like a logical answer if she wanted to use her skills for a decent purpose.

Tav went to check the inventory left on the shelves. It was getting late, so she’d need to close for the night soon.

She needs to know what to restock on before opening again in the morning.

The people in town came often enough to buy things from her and they were close enough to the main road the travelers also frequently came. It was always a good idea to be well stocked.

Before mind flayers had kidnapped her, Tav mostly just picked up odd jobs from whomever would hire her. She had tried going back to that after returning home, but it didn’t feel right. It was like nothing fit. Tav was happy to go home and see the people who cared about her. Her brother had been terrified that she was dead in a ditch somewhere. Spyros had been beyond relief when a letter from her arrived and explained her absence, but it hadn’t exactly quelled his worries given the danger she was in.

At first returning was nice. She got to rest, see Spyros and his girlfriend, and try to decompress from all that had happened since her kidnapping. That hadn’t lasted very long though.

Being back, seeing familiar fields and buildings, seeing sights that reminded her of things that were better off not being dwelled on, it hadn’t been nice. Tav just couldn’t stay. She’d been gone, maybe not of her own free will, but gone nonetheless. She knew what life was like outside of her old stomping grounds and could not slip back into staying.

She just wasn’t the same person she’d been before.

Tav had changed so much during her travels, hells she’d changed so much since her younger years of just following orders. Being back ‘home’, didn’t exactly make her feel good. Tav will visit, but staying just doesn’t seem like a good idea.

For everyone involved really.

Tav wasn’t exactly surprised that that was the case, she’d never quite felt comfortable where her brother and the people she’d grown up with settled. She was younger then though, and her desire to be with Spyros had outweighed everything else. He was all she had left, that really mattered anyway, and they needed each other.

The Nautiloid has forced them both to mature in more ways than one.

Tav was older now, they didn’t need each other in the same way, and she had decided to go out on her own. She was still close enough to visit frequently, but now she wasn’t surrounded by people who knew all about her past.

Who would constantly stare and judge everything she said and did. Like she was really any different from them.

Tav goes to flip the closed sign over and locks the shop door. Then heads to the other side of her lot where her small house waited. She could use her alchemy set there to keep working.

Another benefit of her current location was that it was only a couple of days travel to Baldur’s Gate by foot. It was easy enough to send and receive letters, and if Tav ever really needed to, getting to the city would not be terribly difficult.

It also wasn’t so close that Tav was at risk of running into people she’d rather not see.

She didn’t want to get too close to Baldur’s Gate. Tav would prefer to fade from people’s memories, and being constantly present would make that very difficult. She did not want or need her new fancy title. Despite what everyone else seemed to think, despite what her friends believed, she was not a hero and never would be. She just wants a peaceful, quiet life now.

Honestly, since they met, Tav had been expecting Jahiera to confront her at the very least over her past.

It never happened, but she never really felt comfortable being surrounded by people who had such positive things to say about her. It was uncomfortable and she still felt like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Tav is sitting at her small kitchen table reading her mail.

The most important letter is the one from her brother who had reportedly just gotten engaged. Most of the letter was him gushing in excitement over his proposal and bemoaning that they no longer live close to each other anymore so he couldn’t tell her in person.

At least he understands why she left, though Tav knows that he wants them to visit each other more often.

Tav is happy to hear the news. There was a time when such a thing would have been impossible. She will have to go visit so she can congratulate him and his fiancée in person.

It’s been too long since she gone back to see him anyway.

Spyros’s wasn’t the only letter she’d received that morning though. The postmen had also delivered a missive from Shadowheart and one from Gale appeared in a flash of light on her counter when she’d entered the kitchen to make breakfast.

Both their letters started out with updates on their families. Gale’s mother had recently hosted a dinner party, while Shadowheart’s parents were enjoying helping her take care of all her animals, including Scratch and the Owlbear cub.

The ends of their letters were also similar.

Apparently, they both thought it was a great idea to have another reunion, with both suggesting Baldur’s Gate as the location.

Tav doesn’t hold back a snort at how unsubtle they are being.

She prefers to avoid big cities as a general rule, which is something all her friends know. Besides, whatever small reunion her friends want to host will likely also include more than just the three of them, even if there would not be nearly as many as the party Withers threw.

Karlach and Wyll are still fighting in Avernus. Withers might have found a way to safely get Karlach home for a night, but it was unlikely that Gale or Shadowheart could accomplish that as well. Jahira and Minsc are who knows where, doing who knows what. Tav hadn’t heard from either of them in a while, so they could be on the other side of Faerun for all she knew. Halsin is busy in the now former Shadowlands and has his hands full with the orphans and restoration effort according to his last letter. Lae’zel is running a literal rebellion, and no one’s heard from Minthara in ages.

The reunion would likely just be the three of them…and Astarion

Tav hadn’t heard anything from Astarion since the party Withers threw a couple of months ago and even then, they hadn’t spoken. She’d seem him talking with everyone else, but he had been obvious in his avoidance of her.

She hadn’t minded that, as she’d had no desire to interact with him either.

The last time Tav had seen Astarion before that night was right when the sun had started burning him again. It had been horrifying, and she had spent hours looking for him, happily forgoing the partying that had erupted all over the city that night. She never found him. Tav probably wouldn’t even know if he was still alive or not if the others hadn’t told her that he was fine, but did not want to see her.

She still has no idea what exactly happened, but the fact that Astarion just disappeared on her after the Netherbrain without a proper explanation was enough to put her off.

Tav had thought they were friends, and that said friendship had been going well. Astarion had admitted trying to manipulate her, said he was happy with their friendship, agreed not to Ascend, and opened up to her in so many ways. Tav had considered opening up to him as well but had wanted to wait until everything was over before really thinking about that. Too much was going on for her to really think about it properly and Astarion had still been dealing with his own issues.

Everything seemed fine.

Sure, Astarion had been upset that once the tadpoles were gone, he’d no longer be able to walk in the sun, but he had seemed at peace with his decision. He’d had a good cry over everything, showed her his grave, and they’d discussed the future.

Then he was gone.

At first Tav had been heartbroken, then the anger and doubts crept in. Had he been lying to her about everything the entire time, had he never stopped using her? Maybe Astarion had been lying about caring for her and everything he’d said at his grave had been an act.

Eventually though, the anger had faded.

Ultimately it did not matter why Astarion did what he did. He’d made his choice, and they were nothing to each other now, there was no changing that. It would have been nice to know why Astarion wanted them to no longer to be friends, or in each other’s lives at all, but knowing wouldn’t change what happened.

He’s had months to reach out. The others know where she is, so it’s not like Astarion would have to try very hard to find her. Or send a letter. The fact that he hasn’t speaks for itself.

They probably wouldn’t have been able to maintain a very healthy friendship anyway. Tav is more than happy in her small shop, not terribly close to any city, and living in obscurity while Astarion is living it up in Baldur’s Gate.

From the little the others have told her, he’s been making a name for himself in the city. Meeting lots of important people, going to parties, making lots of connections and money. Tav isn’t sure what Astarion’s job is, if he even had one, but she’s never cared enough to ask.

Either way, it was not a life that sounds especially enjoyable to her.

They’d never be able to hang out and do things that they both enjoyed. Tav isn’t the most knowledgeable about friendship, but she does know that to maintain any relationship you have to put the effort in. Part of that involves spending enjoyable time together. What would even be the point if they defined fun in such different ways? If their very lives bored each other?

She was too boring for him and Astarion was too extroverted for her. Just hearing the little Tav did about his life sounded utterly exhausting and there was no way Astarion would be content and happy ‘slumming’ it in a small town and forest.

He’d hated traveling through forests before and had nearly constantly complained. At least until Lae’zel started threatening to cut off various body parts of his until he stopped.

She was probably just a distraction to Astarion, nothing less and nothing more.

Tav has a lot on her plate anyway. The shop needs work, her house needs some improvements, and she wants to clear some of her schedule so she can visit her brother. More immediately, she also needs to go outside soon, or the ravens she leaves food for will get all annoyed about waiting. She has a very full life now, and Astarion is very low on her list of priorities.

It just would have been kinder of him to have not lied to her so much.

Astarion isn’t sure what to do. He really hadn’t thought things would take so long.

He figured that within a few months everything would be settled and then he could go after Tav. Almost a year had gone by though, and while many of his goals had been met, it still did not feel like enough.

Astarion suspects it never will

While he had been happy about being Tav’s friend, more than happy in fact, he’d also known pretty quickly that he’d also been lying, something that unfortunately seems to have become a defining feature of their relationship.

Astarion hadn’t wanted to just be friends.

Maybe at the time, what he really needed was a friend, but what he felt for Tav most definitely did not end with friendship. Astarion hesitates to call it love, what would he even know about that emotion, but it certainly felt like it was heading in that direction.

Leaving until he’d gotten his shit together had seemed like a good idea when he’d first run off.

At the same time, Astarion knows he can’t drag his feet forever. If he keeps waiting, he’ll never get what he wants.

He’d let Tav go twice now and had regretted both times.

The first was when he and Tav agreed to be just friends. He suspects that that was what they both needed and were ready for at the time, especially given both their thoughts on sex and personal issues. Still, Astarion had been constantly worried she’d end up falling for someone else and he’d never have a chance to change their relationship.

Astarion had spent an embarrassing amount of time watching everyone in camp, paranoid that someone else would sweep Tav off her feet. He’d nearly stabbed Halsin when the oversized wood elf had propositioned her. She’d turned him down, and like when he’d brought up the subject, had looked very uncomfortable at the mere mention of sex. At least the druid had seemed more understanding about Tav’s opinion on carnal delights than he’d been.

The second time that he’d let Tav go was when he left.

Astarion could have explained himself, could have assured her that she wasn’t the problem. Instead, he’d just run away. Astarion hadn’t even had the courage to speak with her during the reunion.

Astarion should have said…something to her before he left, or even at that blasted reunion. He has no idea what he could have possibly said that would have placated her, but not saying anything certainly hadn’t been doing him any favors.

He’d been a coward after the tadpoles were gone, and a coward at the party. Tav had just looked so blank when she caught sight of him. No facial expression at all, and she had gone out of her way to avoid being anywhere near him. It had been obvious how little she wanted to speak with him. Not that Astarion really blamed her; he’d been avoiding her as well. Until he has some sort of plan, speaking with Tav was out of the question.

The party had let him see her though, and Astarion had taken every opportunity he could to watch her and see how she was doing.

Astarion had just watched her happily catching up with everyone else, being careful not to be caught staring. Though that hadn’t stopped Shadowheart and Lae’zel from mocking him about it later.

He can’t keep this up though, he needs to do something. Tav deserves better than to think he never cared.

Chapter Text

The moorings are growing colder and Tav can definitely feel it as she walks through the forest. She isn’t able to see her breath yet, but it’s only a matter of time.

Regardless of how cold it is, she still needs to collect herbs and other plants. Tav’s garden is thriving, but sometimes wild plants are just better. There’s also only so long she’ll be able to keep doing this. As the weather continues to change, the plants will start dying out.

Tav will have to start drying plants to make them last through the cold seasons. Fresh ingredients were best in most cases, but ingredients were ingredients.

She could always ask Gale if he had any suggestions about a magic scroll she could track down to keep her garden going, even after it started snowing. Once Tav contacted him though, Gale would probably start subtly pushing for his and Shadowheart’s reunion idea. She doesn’t really want to go to a reunion, but maybe this might be a good time to visit her friends.

Tav would just need to plan things out so she and Astarion can avoid an awkward and uncomfortable interaction in the process.

She doesn’t exactly need to go to Baldur’s Gate to see any of her friends anyway.

In desperate need of a hot bath, Tav quickly makes her way home. She is very cold and looking forward to warming up.

Maybe once she’s bathed and changed clothes, Tav will make herself something hot to drink.

Tav stops in her tracks though, as soon as she reaches her small front porch as she finds a couple of things waiting for her: a bouquet of dahlias and a letter.

Why is there a letter? The mail came the day before, she shouldn’t be getting any more for at least a few more days, probably more. Also, why are there flowers? Who would even want to send her flowers?

There’s only one way to answer either question.

Tav, ignoring the bouquet for the moment, picks up the letter and almost instantly drops it. She recognizes the handwriting on the envelope. There is no return address or anything, but she knows what Astarion’s penmanship looks like.

What? Why? How?

What was Astarion thinking? He cannot honestly think that sending her a letter and flowers would do anything good at this point. Why is he even sending her anything at all? How did this even happen? Did one of the others give him the address? Why? Did he ask? Did someone else offer it up and talk Astarion into this?

Tav takes a deep breath. None of that matters; she doesn’t care what he does or why he does it anymore. She takes both the bouquet and letter and throws them in her trash. Tav does not want anything to do with whatever is going on.

She isn’t a fan of dahlias anyway.

The flowers do not stop.

Almost every day, when Tav goes outside she inevitably finds either a single flower or bouquet waiting for her. Sometimes there is a note, others there isn’t. Though now all the notes have Astarion’s name on the envelope, so there’s no hope of claiming ignorance if someone asks her about the sender.

One morning, when she went out to water the garden, there was a bouquet of tulips by the gate. Another afternoon, Tav found roses on her front porch, and one evening walk was disrupted when she returned to find peonies waiting for her. And it just kept happening. There have been white orchids, anemones, blue hyacinths, daisies, and lilies of the valley among other flowers. Again and again, sometimes it was a few times a week sometimes more, she’d find flowers waiting.

It is maddening.

Even if she did decide to keep the flowers, what would she even do with all of them? The sheer number of them would probably cover all the floors of her house and shop by now. He couldn’t honestly think this river of flowers was practical, could he? Astarion had to expect she was getting rid of some of them at the very least.

It is just so wasteful.

What if someone else noticed and decided to ask her about it? How would she explain all this? Tav doesn’t even understand what was going on herself.

Tav really wishes this would all stop but has no real way of telling Astarion that. That would likely involve answering one of Astarion’s letters or at least reading one and she has no desire to do either. It was just her being spiteful and stubborn, but Tav couldn’t bring herself to change her mind.

Tav tries to ignore the flowers and get on with things like usual. If she keeps working and going through her usual routine, it will be easier to set things up for a few days off.

She just focuses on selling her herbs, potions, and poisons during the day, and making more products at night. Astarion is not part of her life anymore and should not factor into her thoughts or actions.

That was until he walked into her shop.

Her apothecary shop. Her apothecary shop that was not terribly close to Baldur’s Gate. During the day. What. The. Hells.

What is he doing here? Why is he here? How is he here?

The sun is up, Astarion should be off vampire brooding in the shadows somewhere. Or sleeping. Or, or something, anything as long as it wasn’t here.

How is Tav even supposed to feel about this? Angry, sad, horrified?

While she was having an internal panic attack, Astarion was just staring at her. All wide eyed and silent, like he’s the one who should be surprised. He shouldn’t be surprised though. There’s no reason for Astarion not to know that this was her shop. Their mutual friends know about it, and why else would he come all the way out here? There were plenty of places in Baldur’s Gate he could go to if he needed anything she sold.

“Hello darling, it’s been a while,” he eventually got out.

That’s putting things lightly. It’s been months since they’ve seen each other and longer since they properly spoke.

Tav sighed. “Can I help you?” She needs to keep things professional; this is her place of work.

“I, well,” Astarion quickly composes himself, “I know this must be a surprise, seeing me like this.” That’s certainly one word for it. “How have things been? I was told that you were running a shop now but actually seeing it—.”

“Did you need to buy something?” Tav would prefer not to have this conversation. They are not friends, they are not traveling companions, at most they are acquaintances with mutual friends. She can’t just run him off though, she is running a business after all, and there isn’t anything she can do about his presence unless he causes issues. “We are a little low in stock on potions at the moment, but I’m sure I can do something if you need something specific.”

Astarion seems to deflate at her words; Tav tries not to take too much vindication from that. “Look, Tav, I know what I did wasn’t…, I didn’t mean to hurt you. After everything that I, we’d, gone through there was so much that I needed to work on. I felt I had to go.”

That doesn’t really matter, does it? He’d hurt her anyway.

Tav sighed. She’d rather not have this chat here, but at least there were no other customers at the moment. “What do you want Astarion? I’m working right now.”

What lies would he tell her next?

“Can’t I be here to buy some of your wonderful products?” He smiled at her. “I do have firsthand experience with how skilled you are.”

That was true enough, Astarion had certainly made use of her potions before. She’d kept everyone in stock of health potions and more when they were still traveling. It still feels like a deflection though. “Is there anything in particular that you’d like?”

He looked like he could afford anything she had if his expensive looking outfit meant anything. The fabric looked very fine and there was some kind of intricate pattern sewn into it. The clothes were also deep purple, so the dye was likely not cheap.

Why would Astarion be wearing expensive clothes this far from a city? Wouldn’t that make traveling more difficult? What was even the point?

“No, I just think I’ll browse for a bit.” Fair enough. “Do you have any recommendations? I’m sure you’ve expended on your knowledge since we last spoke.”

“No.” She tugged on a strand of her hair, Tav didn’t know how to handle this.

Astarion’s face falls, but Tav does not care. He shouldn’t be surprised, but if Astarion insists on coming all this way, he can deal with her apprehension.

“How have you been?” he asks. “I know this,” Astarion gestures around them, “must be an adjustment after everything.” He swallowed. “I certainly went through an adjustment period when I settled in Baldur’s Gate.”

Tav is sure he did.

“It’s been fine.” And it really has. Things back ‘home’ were tense, but after leaving, she felt much freer. Things were less strained and Tav was building a life.

“That’s good.” Astarion was still staring at her.

Tav tries to act like she would with any other ‘customer’ in the store. She went about her usual business: checking on the placement of her potion bottles, making sure her plants looked healthy, keeping an eye out for any sticky fingers, etc. Every time she glanced at wherever Astarion happened to be, he was watching her.

“Have you seen any of the others recently? I went out for drinks with Shadowheart the other night and she mentioned wanting to see you.”

“No.” Tav hasn’t seen any of the people she met on their adventure since the reunion party. There hasn’t really been a reason too given how regularly everyone writes. Truthfully, seeing all those people, because no one would let her stop at one or two, sounds exhausting.

“Ah.”

If he was in contact with Shadowheart, Astarion should already know that. The cleric, like everyone else Tav used to travel with, was certainly commenting often enough about how ‘isolated’ Tav was. Tav wasn’t even that secluded either. She saw plenty of people every day. She just wasn’t living in a bustling city or the same exact area as any of their friends.

“You have a good stock here,” Tav looked over and say Astarion hovering over some plants, “where did you find them all?”

“Some are foraged; others were locally grown.” He had to have seen her garden when walking up. It wasn’t exactly hidden. There wasn’t much on her little plot of land either, just her shop, house, garden, and little area for the ravens to perch.

Her brother kept insisting that on his next visit, he would build them something sturdier to rest on. It wasn’t a bad idea either, given how useful raven feathers could be.

“Oh, that’s what the garden was for,” Astarion said. “I did wonder since you never mentioned having a green thumb.”

“I got some tips.” Tav really wasn’t that good at it, though she was adjusting and improving. It was good for the shop to have things on hand, and she wanted to develop nonviolent skills anyway.

“Shadowheart also mentioned that she and Gale were trying to arrange for us to meet up again.”

“I got the letters.” Tav just has no intention of participating, especially if Astarion is planning on attending. This is awkward enough; she’d prefer not to subject anyone else to this.

Things were silent for a few minutes, before the vampire finally decided to get things over with. “Did you like the flowers?” Astarion glanced around as he said it, likely unconsciously checking if any were around.

Tav made herself look busy by starting to rearrange some potion bottles. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

It’s a stupid lie, but she’s feeling petty.

Tav doesn’t want to engage with Astarion at all. He isn’t even really hiding the fact that he isn’t interested in buying anything. He shouldn’t be here; it had been quite a while, and he seemed perfectly content to remain out of contact with her. She was certainly fine with it. There was no reason to change that now.

He probably knew she was lying, likely having paid extra to get confirmation that his flowers were delivered properly. If the little she remembered about what Gale and Shadowheart have mentioned is any indication, he could certainly afford to.

Astarion sighed. “Look Tav, I am sorry about what happened.” He leaned against the counter. “Things were just so complicated after everything and I—.”

“What exactly are you apologizing for?” For leaving without a word, for making her worry that he’d burned to death somewhere, for not contacting her in the aftermath. Maybe it’s for something that Tav doesn’t even know about yet.

Right now, Astarion is being vague and how can Tav take his words seriously if he can’t even understand what he did wrong. Being sorry in general is nice and all, but it doesn’t exactly tell her anything.

Or guarantee that the lying would ever stop.

Astarion isn’t sure what to think of Tav’s current life.

The store is impressive, and she deserves to be proud of it, but she still seems to be so isolated. Tav had neighbors, but they aren’t exactly close, and no one ever seems to know her very well. Pathetic as it was, he spent a while just observing and working up the nerve to actually speak with her.

Tav’s talked to many people in that time, but while it was always polite and cordial, she didn’t seem especially relaxed or happy to see anyone. No one lingered, no one seemed to know she was the Hero of Baldur’s Gate, no one seemed to know her.

Some of it could be explained by the relatively recent move, but she doesn’t seem to have any friends either. Tav was never the most sociable, but she’d gotten much better at it during their journey. She doesn’t need to have a booming social life, but he’d expected more.

People came and went from her property often enough, but it was always for business. Someone would come by, browse her wares, possibly buy something, then leave. Sometimes there would be a conversation, but it never lasted for very long.

Astarion thought Tav would have more, he wanted her to have more. She deserved a regular life, or as close to one as any of their group of weirdos could get.

He doesn’t know what he expected to find when he finally got his act together and went to visit her, but this was not it. Living off in the forests seemed like the kind of thing Tav would like, most forest elves did that, but Astarion did not expect her to be so alone. She liked making friends and helping people. It wasn’t surprising that she wasn’t a social butterfly, but she should still have a couple of friends at the very least.

“I know you’re angry with me, and rightly so.” There is no use or point denying it. “That is understandable, and I know I deserve it.” Astarion will just have to convince Tav of how sincere he is and see where things go.

He cannot bear to leave things as they are.

Astarion wants to build something back up with Tav again. He wants to see her happy and fulfilled; he wants to contribute to both. Astarion knows that it hasn’t been very long, by elf and vampire standards at least, but he never stopped thinking about Tav and never stopped missing her. He isn’t confident about what their former relationship was building towards, but Astarion knows what he ultimately wants.

He really doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship, let alone with Tav, but he is a selfish bastard and wants it anyway.

However, Tav clearly is in no mood to have an actual discussion. Astarion can be satisfied that she knows he is around and wishes to talk, at least for now. Any reconciliation will not come easy, and he must take it all in steps.

Tav needs time, and he will happily give it.

Astarion grabbed a potion of speed and brought it over to where Tav was waiting. “I’ll just buy this then be on my way.”

He didn’t really need one right now, but it would come in handy eventually.

“Fine.” Tav did not look amused, but she wasn’t running him off, so Astarion counted this as a win, albeit a small one.

After the transaction, with a stony faced Tav, is over he turns to leave. “I have some business back in Baldur’s Gate, but I promise to be back.” Astarion did not want her to think that he would disappear again.

She doesn’t look like she believes him, but Astarion can’t blame her for that.

Hopefully, by the time Astarion returns, he’ll have a better plan than just walking up and talking with her. Though his plans have an awful tendency to backfire spectacularly on him, so maybe coming in with no plan at all would be better.

Chapter Text

After months of silence, things are getting ridiculous.

Astarion has been coming to her shop at least twice a week. Every. Week. He’s been polite and charming, and all her other customers always blush when he is around.

Tav just finds it annoying.

He’ll come and spend all her later open hours just hanging around. Astarion will talk to her, or at least try to, about mundane things. He doesn’t even seem frustrated when she refuses to engage. Astarion will compliment whatever is on her shelves, ask about the shop, inquire about her house or garden, or other similar things. When Astarion is not trying to fill the silence while she’s working, he’ll just watch her.

When other customers are around, Astarion acts like nothing is wrong. He’ll flirt, charm, and convince people of all manner of things. This is especially the case when any locals come by. By now half the town is probably convinced they have some grand, mysterious past together.

While technically true, Tav doesn’t exactly want or need that to be spread around.

She knows he’s just trying to get under her skin. Astarion probably finds this funny or something and just likes making her life more challenging. What else could he really be getting out of this? Tav doesn’t want to interact or resume a friendship with him or any kind of relationship, and Astarion should be aware enough to know that. He’s proven that when things get difficult, he’ll take off without a word. Why would anyone want a friend like that?

At the same time, watching him be all charming and flirtatious with people makes her uncomfortable. For better or worse, Tav knows Astarion well by now. He’s probably not doing that in particular to annoy her, but it isn’t fun to watch him be…himself with everyone.

She knows the flirting thing is just part of his personality, but given their past and his personal history, she could definitely live without having to watch it.

Now that Astarion has had almost a year to adjust to freedom, how much of this is an act and how much is real? Does he even want to act this way with random people, is it really part of his personality? He could just as easily be falling into old patterns of behavior because it is familiar, because it is what he knows.

It’s not like Tav can ask. It’s none of her business what Astarion does or how he acts. Besides, asking would imply she cares.

Which she does not.

Tav had closed her shop early for the day. Not many customers have come by, and she still needs to finish getting her garden ready for the colder weather. The plants were already wilting and were likely to die soon as it was.

Gardening wasn’t the most simulating activity, but the skill was a useful one. She also liked always having her usual ingredients on hand.

Getting things ready shouldn’t be too complicated either. Tav already had bags of compost and mulch waiting off to the side, she just needed to do a little weeding first. Then she could properly cover the garden patches.

She was on her hands and knees pulling up weeds when the ravens started making noise.

Tav’s hand went immediately to her dagger and looked up in caution, only to see Astarion leaning against her fence. He was just standing there watching her.

Like a creeper.

“What are you doing?” Her shop is closed and Tav is not working, she does not need to be nice to him.

“I just wanted to come visit.” Astarion smiles at her. “How has your day been?”

Busy, like most days.

“I might not be working in the shop right now, but I’m still busy. If you want entertainment,” which is all he’s ever wanted from her, “you’re better off going somewhere else.”

There were probably loads of people who would love to have Astarion’s attention.

The smile does not leave Astarion’s face as he climbs over the fence, because apparently walking through the nearby gate like a normal person was too much to ask.

“I could do that, but I’d much prefer being here instead. I get my fill of entertainment in Baldur’s Gate, but things are calmer here.” He looks contemplative for a moment. “I never used to like the quiet, but I’ve recently learned to appreciate it.”

Fair enough, but that doesn’t mean he should be bothering her.

Astarion walks over to the raven perch and looks it up and down. “So, what are you up to?”

Maybe if she tells him, Astarion will be satisfied and leave her alone.  “I’m getting my garden ready for winter.” Frankly she should have done this already, but better late than never. “And don’t get too close to the raven perch. You won’t like the result if you upset them.”

Astarion laughed.

That was fine; if he did not believe her, he would find out all on his own. Tav has done her part and tried to warn him.

Astarion did not see what the fuss was about, but it wasn’t an inconvenience to stay away from the ravens.

“How exactly does one get a garden ready for winter?” Wasn’t she cold? He wasn’t the best judge of temperatures, but Tav certainly did not look dressed enough for the cold weather. She should at least be wearing a jacket or something.

“I’m cleaning things up, then I’ll cover the dirt and plants,” she replied, gesturing at the two large bags she had leaning against her shop.

Seems simple enough, and it would explain the pile of weeds next to Tav. “How is it going?” Astarion nearly cringed at his words. How things were going was obvious enough, the task looked simple, if time consuming.

Astarion used to be good at this; he usually still is good at this.

Talking with people, hells flirting with them and getting them to do things he wanted was something he’d always excelled at. Astarion could not do that with Tav anymore. He just never knows what to say or how to say it when it comes to her.

Maybe it’s because, for the first time in his memory, Astarion genuinely cares about the woman he is planning on pursuing. With all his other conquests he did not care and did his best to stamp any sympathetic feelings he did have down. They did not actually care about him and the fate he was leading them to was a horrible one. He hadn’t had any choice, and in a way that made things easier.

Things with Tav were never easy.

Astarion knows what he wants, he knows how to charm most people, and he knows that he has a lot to make up for. Every time he tries to start a proper conversation with Tav though, it never goes well. She is obviously uninterested and regardless of his attempts to be courteous towards her, is always annoyed with what he has to say.

He’s still going to try though; Astarion is too determined to stop now.

“Work is going to slow down a bit once winter truly hits right?” People will always need potions and herbs, but to his knowledge people tend to stock up before it gets too cold. Most people tried to leave their homes as little as possible once it started to snow.

“I don’t know,” Tav said dryly. “My shop hasn’t been open long enough for me to know that kind of thing yet.”

Oh, right.

Tav eyed him up and down. “Why?” She looked suspicious.

Normally, Astarion would try asking her to go somewhere. When a mark became weary after he’d put a lot of effort in, he would normally suggest a change in location or something similar, to keep their interest and investment.

Tav wasn’t a mark though, she was someone important to him. She was also unlikely to want to go anywhere with him, especially since the only places he really knew about were back in Baldur’s Gate.

And probably fancier than she’d like or be comfortable in.

“I was just curious.” Which is at least partially true. “If things do get slow, it might make my visits more interesting.”

Tav did not exactly look pleased by that.

What was Astarion after?

This was an odd line of questioning, and there was no obvious thing that he could want.

“I go on trips.” She always tried to see Spyros every few weeks or so. “It’s not like I never go anywhere.” Did he think she was a hermit or something?

Astarion glanced around. “It’s just there doesn’t seem to be a lot to do around here. I can understand why you’d prefer it to Baldur’s Gate or Waterdeep, but all I ever see you doing is working.”

“I appreciate your concern Astarion,” she really doesn’t, “but what I do with my time is my choice.” Tav walks over to the bag of compost and drags it over to the garden. “I may be busy, but I do have a life outside of work.” It might not be much of one by his standards, but Tav isn’t sure she’d enjoy his definition of a fulfilling life either.

Tav ripped the bag open and began spreading the compost over the garden patches. “If you find this place that boring, maybe you should find somewhere else to hang out.”

And someone else to bother.

“I don’t find it boring here.”

Sure, he doesn’t. That’s why Astarion is implying she should go somewhere more exciting. What does it even matter to him? It’s not like what Tav does impacts him all that much.

Once the compost to set, Tav goes to the bag of mulch and repeats the process. All while Astarion continued to watch her. “Is there anything else?” She really isn’t interested in the critiques Astarion has about her life, but him silently watching her wasn’t something she really liked.

Back when they were still traveling together, he liked to watch her too. When she was working with herbs, reading, or doing any kind of task really, Astarion seemed to like watching her. He could never explain why when she asked about it either.

Before Astarion could answer, Tav’s stomach let out an audible growl.

He chuckled at the sound. “You should head in for dinner soon. It can’t be healthy to skip meals when working so hard.”

Tav hadn’t realized it had gotten so late. “I guess you have a point.” She’ll need to bath before eating too, given all the dirt she was handling. “Good night.”

“Good night.”

Astarion watched as Tav walked into her home.

Todays was the longest conversation they’d had since the Netherbrain. It was good progress, if much slower than he would have wanted.

Sometimes it felt like he was pulling teeth out, just to get Tav to look at him, but Astarion knew she wasn’t doing this just to be difficult. Tav did not trust him, not anymore. That was understandable and fine. Astarion could work back up to that.

It was nice seeing her in her element as well. Tav seemed very at home in her shop, making potions and poisons and who knows what else.

Was she happy though? What would happiness entail for Tav? Did she even know the answers for herself? Astarion wasn’t sure what happiness entirely meant for him. He very much liked his life, but there were certainly things that could be better and things that were missing.

Primarily Tav.

Maybe they could figure out what happiness meant together, once Astarion was back in her good graces.

Astarion leaned against the raven perch in contemplation as he listened to the faint sounds of Tav moving around in her house.

There were things they would probably not agree on, but that was fine. It would be boring if they liked all the same things. They might even discover that there were things that did not sound fun were interesting once pushed into trying.

Before any of that though, Astarion needed to prove to Tav that he was trustworthy and that he genuinely did care.

How to do that though?

Before Astarion could think about his next move, the raven perch shifted next to him. He immediately backed away and saw that it was visibly slanting now.

The ravens did not look especially pleased either.

It was probably okay. He wasn’t putting a lot of pressure on it, so Astarion cannot imagine that he’d broken it or anything.

Still, maybe he should go. Tav was unhappy with him as it was and he did not like how the ravens were looking at him. It would probably be all sorted out by the time he got back, and the carriage was waiting for him.

Astarion had some serious thinking to do anyway.

Maybe it’s time to take a few days off.

Tav has been working a lot lately, the whole Astarion thing has been grating on her, and it’s been a while since she took any time off.

Besides, she is due for a trip home. Spyros is still waiting for her to visit, and she wants to see him and congratulate him on his engagement. It will be a quick trip, but the break will do her some good.

They’ve been exchanging letters frequently, but it’s not the same.

Tav just needs to sell a few extra things to partially make up for the lost days of work. It shouldn’t be too difficult if people on the road keep stopping by.

Astarion has come to like visiting Tav. Her shop is nice, the people are very friendly, and the carriage ride cuts the travel time immensely. The various regulars seemed to like him well enough, which is pretty much the only reason he’s gotten any extra information on Tav’s life.

“She’s such a kind young girl,” the old woman looked thoughtfully back at where Tav was helping another customer. “Or at least I think she’s young, it isn’t always easy to tell with elves.”

Now that it was mentioned, Astarion wasn’t very sure about Tav’s age either. He thinks she was younger than Halsin, and himself for that matter, based off a few things she’s said, but that doesn’t say much on its own.

She was never very open about anything personal. He’s shared about as much of his past as he could remember, but Astarion barely knew anything about Tav’s. He also can’t recall ever asking.

Astarion wants to know everything about Tav, but he highly doubts she’d tell him anything if he asked. She’d probably just glare at him and tell him it’s none of his business. At this juncture, Tav would have a point too.

“She likes to keep to herself though. One of my neighbors keeps inviting her over for dinner, but I don’t think Tav has ever taken up the offer.”

“That is a shame, and here I was hoping to get some juicy gossip.” It’s always the old women who know everything that is going on. They also tend to be susceptible to Astarion’s particular brand of charm.

The old woman smiled cheekily at him. “I know a few things, though I’m not sure how interested you’d be in them.”

“Oh? Do tell.”

“Well, I know my neighbor wants to set Tav up with her grandson, but I don’t think the two of them have met. The boy moved away a few years ago, so he isn’t here very often.” The woman shook her head. “I think a few people in town have similar ideas.”

That sounds daunting. If anyone has made any overt moves, Astarion can only feel bad for Tav. She probably would hate that and there are also her opinions on sex. He cannot imagine most people having a positive reaction to learning someone is thoroughly uninterested in such a universal desire.

He certainly hadn’t.

If things go the way Astarion wants them to, he and Tav would need to have a discussion about the topic, but that was a very, very long way off.

“Tav seems to prefer being alone though,” the woman continued. “She hasn’t been here for long yet, but on the occasions, we hold town events, she rarely comes. When Tav does, it’s never for very long.”

That sounds like Tav, she never was a fan of being in crowds.

“Does she do anything besides work all day?” Tav got a little defensive about it when he asked. Whenever Astarion comes by though, which is not nearly as often as he’d like, she is always working in her shop or doing something in her garden.

He’s at least learned not to bother her there. Those ravens that were constantly hanging around did not seem to like him very much. Astarion could swear they would glare at him, which frankly was not fair. It’s not like he meant to knock over their post.

It was flimsy and looked like a strong wind would have done the same thing. At most he dislodged it. It probably would have happened anyway with or without his involvement.

“She’ll go off into the forest for hours at a time.” Likely to forage for plants, “I’ve also noticed her leaving town every few weeks or so. She’ll be gone for a few days, then come back. No idea where she’s going though.”

Now that is interesting.

Chapter Text

There is a lot to do if Tav wants to prepare for her short journey. The shop is taken care of, but things around her home need to be prepped as well.

Now that the garden is ready for cold weather the most pressing issue was her perch for the ravens. It isn’t much, but they don’t exactly need much either. It’s just a few simple interlocking poles, and the ravens like to rest on it at various points during the day. She fills a couple buckets with dried fruits on nuts for them most mornings and they always seem to like that.

It was a fair trade; they got food and a place to rest. In turn she gets some discarded feathers and decent lookouts.

The issue is that the perch got knocked over. Tav has no idea what happened, she just woke up one morning only to find it on the ground in pieces. It might have been slanting before that, but she isn’t certain since she hadn’t been paying much attention to it lately. Tav pulled it back up, but some of the poles had come out. Since she had been busy, Tav hadn’t completely fixed it yet.

She needs to put everything back together before her trip. Even if Tav isn’t around to feed the ravens they should still have a nice place to rest.

What could have knocked it over though? The perch, while simple and without a whole lot of room, was pretty sturdy. Tav had weighed it down properly, (Spyros had even helped!) and it had been surviving the harsh winds since they started.

It was highly unlikely that it would just fall over.

Not only that, but the ravens have seemed extra agitated lately. They were always glaring at the customers who came by, but as there’s been so much going on, Tav hasn’t been watching close enough to notice any patterns.

Well, it doesn’t matter right now. If someone was stupid enough to piss them off, and does anything further to antagonize them, they’ll take care of the problem on their own.

The sun isn’t even up when Tav sets out. The walk will take about a day or so, and she’d prefer to get there earlier than later. That way there will be less people around. She’s never been a big fan of crowds and that is especially true considering where she is going.

It would be much better if she and her brother could have a quiet reunion.

Tav cannot help but feel a little giddy. Everything is finished and she can finally head out. She’ll get to see Spyros again, and they will be able to properly catch up.

He still needs to get some proper congratulations on his engagement.

She hasn’t seen him in weeks, and while she isn’t exactly excited about going ‘home’ again, there are a few things she’d like to see.

Tav hasn’t paid her proper respects in far too long.

The walk takes Tav a day, but it is well worth it.

In the distance, she can see some familiar houses and the gloomy castle that overlooks everything. Tav tries not to pay much attention to that as she walks closer.

Tav also does her best to ignore all the people that happen to be awake and about when she enters the small town. Most of them likewise don’t look at her either, but she does catch a few glaring at her out of the corner of her eye.

Not exactly a surprising outcome, but not a pleasant one either.

Without paying anyone too much attention, Tav sped through the town. Spyros knew she was coming, and knowing him, he was probably waiting for her.

The town had grown a bit, there were new houses and other buildings, since her last visit. That was a good thing; things should progress and move forward. Things should be getting better for everyone who chose to stay.

Eventually, Tav finally reached her destination. Spyros was definitely awake and working in his little blacksmiths shop, hammering away at something on an anvil.

The smell of the metal and fire were oddly comforting.

“What are you making?” Spyros used to spend most of his time making weapons, something she knows he was never the biggest fan of. He’d always preferred making more ‘everyday useful’ items.

He almost drops the hammer.

“Tav!”

“That is my name.” Most people call her that and everything.

Spyros immediately rushes over and picks her up in a hug. Tav wasn’t normally a hugger, but it was nice to see how happy her brother was.

“How was the trip over?” he asked after putting her down.

Tav shrugged “It was alright, nothing really notable happened.”

“Tav.”

“What? Nothing out of the ordinary happened.” The walk was long, like usual. The road was pretty clear, like usual. Once she arrived people glared at her, like usual.

It was all very normal.

Spyros sighed. “Why do I get the feeling you’re not being completely honest with me?”

“I mean I could do without the looks I always get, but it’s not like they’re not justified in their feelings.” They all, her and Spyros included, had to deal with a lot of shit. Staying here like they all did probably isn’t doing them any favors either.

Not that Tav is some paragon for mental health.

Spyros shook his head. “That’s not fair. You had as much choice as the rest of us, they just thought you had it better.” She isn’t sure if they don’t still think that way or are just stuck in their mindsets. “We both know how awful you had it.”

Awful is one word for what Tav experienced. She didn’t even have a gilded cage. Sure, she ate better, had nicer clothes, and got to sleep in a nicer bed, but it’s not like she got to really enjoy any of that. It all came at a steep price, and she wasn’t even able to use those ‘privileges’ often. At the same time, it was very easy for her to see how people who did not know her would only see the luxuries she had. Many of them were probably jealous when they were younger and don’t know how to reconcile it all with what they know now.

Besides, it’s not like she doesn’t deserve some scorn after all she did. After all she didn’t do.

Astarion feels excited when he exits his carriage. The ride had been a long one, but he always found the trip well worth it.

He has a lot of work to do if he wants to repair his and Tav’s relationship and one step towards that is showing her that he is here to stay; that he will not disappear without a word again. If that means regular trips out of Baldur’s Gate, then that is fine with him.

Astarion actually likes coming out here away from the city. He’s always preferred that setting, but these regular trips have been nice. The quiet and small town itself are much more relaxing, and he can understand why others may prefer it. Getting to see Tav probably plays a part in that, but still.

He knows that she isn’t exactly enthused by his regular presence, but Astarion is not sure what else he could do. Tav doesn’t want to speak with him any more than she has to, so he can really only watch her and speak with others.

Astarion considered bringing flowers, he’d even seen a nice bouquet of lilies in Baldur’s Gate before he’d left, but that probably wasn’t a good idea. He had no idea what happened to the other flowers he’d sent over, Astarion only knew they were delivered. Clearly, she did not keep them around though. That was unless Tav was hiding them somewhere, which did not seem like something she would do. So Tav was unlikely to take it well if he gave her any in person.

He just…Astarion wants to do something for Tav. Something tangible and worthwhile. He doesn’t know what that something could or should be but just coming when he’s available doesn’t feel like enough. By now Tav knows he is serious, so Astarion needs to figure out his next move. It needs to be something that will convince her to try trusting him again. Or to at least like having him around.

She’d probably be ecstatic if Shadowheart, Halsin, or even Gale showed up. He just needs to get to a similar place.

After that Astarion can consider going after what he actually wants.

His thoughts are disrupted when Astarion sees that the door to Tav’s Apothecary shop is locked and the sign on the door says it is closed.

What was going on? The shop was always open at this time of day.

Astarion tightened his hood over his head and looked around. There must be some clue or sign of Tav. Perhaps she needed to run an errand somewhere or went to her house for whatever reason. He’d never actually seen the inside of Tav’s house, but he imagines there are numerous things inside it that could occupy her time.

Would she be angry if he knocked on her door? Tav certainly was never happy to see him entering her store.

He’ll never know if he doesn’t try.

Astarion walks the short path towards her door, keeping a wide berth from the raven perch. The blasted birds are always glaring at him. No one would believe him if he said anything, but he could swear it was the truth.

“Can I help you, young man?”

Astarion looks up and sees an old woman with a few letters in hand. He vaguely recognizes her, so she’s probably one of Tav’s neighbors.

“Hello, I was just looking for Tav.” Hopefully she isn’t far. “Do you know where she is?”

“Oh, she took a little trip.” The woman smiled. “She works so hard, and I don’t mind getting her mail for her. The exercise is good for me anyway.”

Astarion had been told earlier that Tav occasionally took short trips, so that’s probably not a lie. “Do you know where she went or for how long she’ll be gone?” He just wants to know that she was safe and when he should come back. What could Tav possibly be doing anyway? She’s not exactly the go off and goof off type; not when there’s a lot of work to be done.

“I don’t know,” the old woman began hesitantly. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t really know you and I don’t know what your relationship with Tav is.”

That’s fair. Astarion certainly wouldn’t want random passersby knowing his business just because they asked. He’s not a random passerby though; he and Tav have a history. Astarion doesn’t truly deserve much, if anything, from Tav but that doesn’t seem to ever stop him from wanting everything. He wants to know everything he can, and experience all there is.

Tav just needs to come around to the idea.

“I assure you,” Astarion said as he got closer, “Tav and I go aways back. We used to travel together, and only lost touch for a short while once our journey ended. I like to stop by when I’m in the area so we can catch up.”

That is mostly the truth.

Astarion really doesn’t care about lying, but if Tav found out he made something up about her, she would be furious. That certainly wouldn’t help his plans.

“She did mention knowing you once.”

Astarion stifled a smirk at that. There were probably a lot of people asking her about him once Astarion started regularly visiting. It would ensure Tav was thinking about him if nothing else, which was a wonderful thing in his opinion.

He’d also told more than one person that they were old friends, so the old woman had probably heard something by now.

“You might know where she went then; Tav is off to visit family.”

Family? Astarion didn’t even know Tav had a family, she’d never discussed the topic. Though she did mention more than once that she wanted to go home, it made sense that family was involved in that. It might also explain why she was so against sacrificing his ‘brothers’ and ‘sisters’ when the Rite of Profane Ascension was still on the table.

Frankly, she was always very tight lipped about her past. Never saying anything when others talked about theirs and sidestepping questions when they were directed at her. Astarion hadn’t cared because it was her choice to talk or not talk about the subject. In the beginning he truly hadn’t cared about her beyond the protection she represented, so her past was inconsequential. That was unless there was some monster after her too, as that was surprisingly common amongst their group of weirdos.

Later, once he started caring, he figured she’d share what she wanted to and had never given it much thought. Astarion had also been very preoccupied with his own mess of a past.

He was thinking about it now though.

Who was her family, where did they live, why did she never talk about them? If Astarion is to ever get what he truly wants with Tav, these are things he should know.

Tav cannot get herself to trance.

Spyros set up such a nice bed for her, but all she is doing is tossing and turning. Tav does not need much rest, but she still needs some. The next day is going to be much more difficult if she’s exhausted.

Tav sits up and rubs her eyes. She needs to relax, that’s all. How can she though, when there’s so much tension in the air?

Being here is always a little stressful between the glares and memories.

She can’t do anything about the former, but maybe there is a way to deal with the latter. Tav always preferred confronting her issues over ignoring them.

The castle is somehow creepier than Tav remembers.

She has no idea why the others haven’t knocked it down or repurposed it. It was in complete disrepair and, at least to her, a lingering symbol of the past.

The stones still bear the marks of the fire that broke out and she doubts the blood stains in the throne room and upper halls have been scrubbed away. Time has also taken its toll, and there are more cracks in the stonework, as far as Tav can see. There is also a fair amount of foliage scattered about.

At least nature is benefiting from this hunk of rock. Something should.

This place haunts her. It’s a living nightmare and nothing good can come from it still being here. Not seeing it every day was one of the benefits Tav got from moving.

Maybe that’s why everyone here is still weary of her; they are not allowing themselves a chance to do anything else but dwell on things that are long over. That is their right of course, they don’t have to leave the comfort of familiarity if they do not want to.

That doesn’t mean she understands it.

Tav ran her hand across one of the walls. She grew up here, her remaining family grew up here, but it was never home. Homes are warm, they are safe, they are filled with people who care about you.

This was a place of fear.

Tav was always afraid, always aware that she was one step, one wrong move, away from devastation or death. She was never warm, she was never safe, and most of the people who dwelled within these walls did not harbor pleasant thoughts about her. No one who inhabited this place had typically pleasant thoughts about the other residents.

They weren’t friends or family; they were competition and if you lost the consequences would be dire.

It wasn’t all bad though, in all the darkness there were pockets of light.

Even without all the torches that used to light the halls, Tav could still easily make her way to the library. Whatever books and furniture that had not been destroyed had long been cleared away, but it had once been her sanctuary.

The books had let her escape, even if only for an hour or two. She’d even snuck some out on occasion to read to Spyros. Most of the other kids did not know how to read, and she’d wanted more for him. Tav had never actually imagined they’d ever be free, but there was so little that she could do for him. They barely saw each other, and she wasn’t contributing as much as she should have been.

There had been consequences for the reading lessons, but Tav hadn’t cared. Doing so was likely the only reason her brother was able to actually know her.

It was a little sad to see the empty spaces on the walls where books and bookcases once stood. The library was not small, and there was not a single space left empty. There were so many books, Tav didn’t know how to count them all. She could have wandered for hours and never ran out of places to explore.

They weren’t fond memories exactly, but Tav used to hide here after she’d returned from whatever job she was sent on. People rarely found her and it let her breathe for a bit before reality took hold again.

The library was where she had been shown that there was life outside of his influence.

Chapter Text

“I had a feeling you’d be here.” Tav gets up from her spot on the floor, approximately where the chair she liked used to sit in once stood and walks over to Spyros. “Well, it was either here or the cemetery. I happy I got it on the first guess.”

She’ll be going to the cemetery in the morning; that place is much too creepy at night.

“I don’t know how you can stand being in this place.” Spyros leads her out of the room. “I never come up here if I can help it.”

“You’re the one who lives in its shadow.” That is something Tav cannot understand. “I don’t exactly like coming here either, I just think having the reminder is important.” The good and the bad, she never wants to forget.

You become complacent when you forget, you risk losing perspective.

They are silent as they walk through the desolate hallways and deserted courtyards. Tav hates this place, but she does feel a little sad to see it in such disrepair. Awful as their lives had been, the castle itself had been beautiful. Now it was destroyed and tarnished.

Another thing that was technically her fault.

“So, you’re getting married.” They’d been so caught up in their reunion before that they hadn’t talked much about it. “Are you excited?”

“Yeah,” Spyros smiled. “I love Amara, I want us to take another step forward, and we figured marriage was that next step.” He kicks a rock, and they watch as it skips ahead. “Though I think things have been stressing Amara out.”

Tav side eyes her brother. “Why?”

“I’m not too sure,” he sighed. “She’s excited, but whenever we try talking about the wedding itself she just gets all… I’m not even sure.”

“Wedding are stressful,” as far as Tav knows, “a lot goes into them, it could just be that.” Not everything is a complicated mess, just most things. “Do you want me to ask?” She and Amara were not the closest, but as someone outside the ‘problem’ it might be easier for her to vent about things.

“Maybe, if you think it will work.”

It is not until they are walking on the path back towards Spyros’s house that he speaks again. “Are you happy? I know leaving was good for you, and it would probably be good for some of the other people who live here, but I can’t help but worry.”

“I’m fine,” Tav assures him. “I like my house and job, and the area I live in is nice.” Her life isn’t the best life anyone has ever lived, but she does like it.

If only her vampiric former friend would leave her alone.

“That’s good.” Spyros does not look convinced, but that was alright. He was her brother; he was always going to worry, like she was always worrying about him. “You deserve to be happy. You went through a lot, and I hope the castle,” he gestures behind them, “and all it represents don’t haunt you.” Tav is pretty sure it haunts everyone, including him, who once dwelled within its walls. “Everyone who survived that night deserves to move on.”

Tav isn’t sure if she agrees but doesn’t argue. Her brother is kinder than she deserves.

Tav feels a little awkward sitting across the kitchen table from her brother’s fiancée.

They knew each other of course, but they were never close. She doesn’t hate Tav, Spyros would never have stayed with her if she did, but they shared a mutual politeness more than a friendship.

That was fine though. Tav didn’t care much about what other people thought of her. Spyros liked her, she made him happy, and she did not cause any unnecessary friction. There were no glares or nasty words. She was polite, cordial, and never complained about playing host when Tav visited.

That was enough, it was more than most people around here gave her.

Maybe they could become friends in the future, maybe not. Tav could live with either outcome, and it was obviously up to Spyros who he did or did not marry.

“Have you settled on a wedding date yet?” Tav asked.

“Not yet,” Amara sighed, “we haven’t even figured out how long the engagement should be.” She shook her head. “It’s not like we really know what we are doing.”

That makes sense. “At least there’s no rush or anything.” Tav shrugged. “Take all the time you need to adjust to…well everything.” Rushing forward just because you think you should very rarely ends well.

“I suppose.”

“Would you prefer to have things figured out quickly?” Was that even something she’d want Tav to ask? What is okay or not okay to say in situations like this?

Tav really doesn’t want to overstep.

“I don’t know. It’s not like I have parents any more than you and Spyros do, so none of us can just go ask anyone questions about what they did or if there are family traditions to follow. Spyros keeps saying everything will work out, but you know how optimistic he can be.”

That is a lot.

And it’s true. None of them have families, traditions, or any of that kind of stuff. Tav isn’t even sure where she was originally from before she was at the castle.

She never really cared much, and neither did Spyros as far as she was aware.

Clearly that was not the case with Amara. There were no easy fixes, and there probably never would be, but there were still things they could do.

“You could always reach out to the Harpers; they’ve been involved for a while.” It wouldn’t be easy, but they might be able to dig up some information for Amara. “As for traditions, even if we did miraculously find your biological family, you might not like or feel connected with what they do.”

“I know,” she said. “I might not even like them as people even if I did meet them.”

Tav wasn’t very good at being optimistic, but things were not all doom and gloom here. “We might not have traditions, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do something. Spyros and I are family, and you’ll officially be family soon enough. Why don’t we just make up traditions.”

“Make up traditions?”

“Yeah,” Tav shrugged. “I have no idea what they could be, but we’re smart, I’m sure we can figure something out.” Eventually. Hopefully.

Amara gave her a thoughtful look. “Where would we start though?”

“I have absolutely no idea.”

What did Tav know about traditions? She’s never put any thought into things like that before. It was just never important. Does Spyros care about this kind of thing?

“Just,” she began, “talk to my brother about it. Share your worries, talk about traditions or other things you know about and like, and see where that goes.” As long as they were both happy, that was the important thing.

“Where would we get ideas from though?”

“Books,” Tav said immediately. “Read some books, romances, biographies, something. I’m sure you’ll find lots of ideas and Spyros loves books.” They were his refuge as a child too. “Hells, if you suggest it, he’ll go out and find a stack of books himself.”

She can literally see him running around looking with an increasingly large stack in hand.

Amara smiled. “He would love doing that.” The tension did not drain from her face, but it did visibly lessen. “Now enough about my romantic drama, what about your own?”

Her own?

Amara laughed. “I know you’re not involved with someone; that’s not something Spyros could ever keep quiet about.” Very true. “But he did mention that an old friend of yours was hanging around your shop.” Curse Spyros and his inability to keep his mouth shut. “You two were never a thing, but I cannot help but wonder now.”

“Astarion is only hanging around because he finds it funny. He doesn’t actually care about me, and he never liked me romantically.” They were incompatible in multiple ways. “He’ll lose interest eventually.”

Then he’ll just disappear again.

“He’s coming by multiple times a week, meaning he takes a trip that even with a carriage would take hours?” At Tav’s nod Amara continues. “That seems like a lot of effort for someone who just wants a laugh.”

Maybe, but there were no other reasonable explanations.

Tav shrugs. “I don’t really care; I can’t control what he does with his time.” She would never want too anyway. “So, he’ll keep doing whatever he wants. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

Maybe on her walk home, she’ll come up with other ideas on what that crazy vampire could possibly want. Because Tav absolutely does not believe his claims to only want to reconnect. Astarion always has ulterior motives.

Always.

When Tav returns to her shop, she finds Astarion waiting for her.

She was just walking down the road, minding her own business, and planning out what to do for the next few days. Then she looked up and he was just there. Hanging out near her shop, doing gods know what.

Tav cannot help but wonder how often he came to check if she was around while she was gone.

What would Astarion even be doing while in town if he wasn’t bothering her? Tav doubts he actually considers anyone here to be a friend, but he was always adept at making people think he cared more than he actually did. There were probably at least a few locals that he’s charmed by now. They would have served as adequate entertainment.

On that note, Tav still did not know what he wanted from her. Astarion had said more than once that he would like for them to reconnect, but she did not buy that. He was a proven liar and had manipulated her on multiple occasions now.

Even if she thought Astarion was being honest, it’s not like she wanted to be more than acquaintances. And that was only because they had mutual friends.

Frankly, Tav would be content to never see him again.

That is not the reality she lived in though. “How long have you been loitering here?” Shouldn’t Astarion have left after confirming she wasn’t around, and the shop was closed?

“Tav,” Astarion said excitedly. “I was hoping that you’d be back soon.” That would explain why he was hanging around. “Where did you go? I asked the old woman who had been picking up your mail, but I did not get much information.”

Oh. That certainly explains a few things.

“I went on a trip, was gone for a few days, and am back now.” It wasn’t some grand journey or anything interesting, at least not to other people. Besides, where she goes, and what she does is none of Astarion’s business.

“Surely there is more of a story to it than that.”

“Not really, just a lot of walking.”

Tav was happy when she was walking back. She’d had a nice trip and seeing her brother always makes her smile. Now she is just annoyed.

Astarion wasn’t even doing anything objectively wrong, and he was ruining her mood. Tav wants this to stop already; it is exhausting.

“Astarion, what exactly do you want?” Tav asked. “You come here, talk to people, buy something small, leave, then the cycle continues. And don’t say shopping, you could easily get the same products in Baldur’s Gate.”

When she puts it like that…

Someone who simply wanted to reignite a damaged friendship was unlikely to go to such lengths. Or at least Astarion was unlikely to go this far without an ulterior motive. That is what past experience would have taught Tav about him over and over again.

Maybe if he plays it off Tav will be less suspicious.

“Your stuff is better, and I trust the source more.” That isn’t even a lie. There are a lot of shady people living and working in Baldur’s Gate, and you never know who is trying to swindle you. Tav, even with her current attitude towards him, would never intentionally sell him something fake or faulty.

Tav raises an eyebrow and hoists her travel pack higher onto her shoulder. “Really?” She continued walking up the path towards her gate. “I think after everything I know you a little better than that. You don’t do anything, especially things that make you go out of your way, without very good reason.”

Astarion knew this was coming. Tav’s been annoyed with him from the start and she isn’t stupid, it really was only a matter of time until she confronted him directly over things without backing off when he resisted.

He’d hoped that Tav would soften over time, then they could talk, but that clearly hadn’t panned out.

Astarion isn’t sure if Tav would believe the truth either. That he simply misses her and wants to be near her again. He doesn’t deserve the kind of relationship he actually wants, he probably never did, but he’s never been a particularly good person. Not good enough to walk away anyway, even when he knows it would probably be for the best. He was not good enough to have been honest with Tav from the start.

He also wishes that this confrontation would have taken place at a different time. Tav looks tired, and she could probably use some rest. Astarion doesn’t know where Tav went, but she was gone for days. She doesn’t own a horse of carriage, so she walked wherever she went and since no one seemed to know where she went, it was likely a long walk.

“I’ve been maintaining steady correspondence with our other friends as best I can, why shouldn’t I come visit you?” Astarion could try sending Tav letters, but even if she did read them, it was doubtful that she would write back.

Coming himself was really the only option that guaranteed him any contact. It just wasn’t the pleasant contact that Astarion would prefer.

Tav sighed. “I don’t believe you.” She opened her front gate with a bit of a struggle before closing it again. “You left, and were very clear about the fact that you did not want to be around me anymore. We did not speak for months, only for you to randomly start sending me flowers.”

Astarion has his reasons for disappearing, they just weren’t good enough to quell her anger. Frankly, her knowing his thought process would probably just make her more irritated.

“You only started showing up when that did not work.” Tav was glaring at him now. “I don’t enjoy your company anymore, I don’t trust you anymore. You coming here again and again, all but taunting me with your company is not helping.”

Astarion knows that. He is well aware of how much damage his actions caused to their relationship. He wants to fix things; he just has no idea how to do that.

“I know I did not handle things in the best of ways,” to say the least, “but I never meant to hurt you. You are you; you don’t need me around. You did all this,” he gestures towards the shop, “without me. You had useful skills and a drive, having me around would have just held you back. I would have gotten bored and demanded we do something fun at every turn.”

In contrast, Astarion had nothing.

Nothing of his own, nothing to offer, and no future that he could clearly envision. Tav deserved better than that. He couldn’t walk in the sun anymore, or enter buildings at will, or even take a bath in a stream. If they had stuck together, it would have forced Tav to live a life in the shadows.

Astarion had to build himself up before he was worth Tav’s time.

“I don’t care if you meant to hurt me or not.” Though it is worrying that Astarion apparently still has some self-loathing issues. “Whether or not you meant to, you did hurt me. How could a friend disappearing without a word not hurt?” If he had taken three seconds to think Astarion would have realized that. He wasn’t thinking about her though, he was only thinking about himself and what he wanted.

Like usual.

So, Tav moved on. She got on with her life and has no intention of letting someone who has done harm to her in the past back in. It’s not like Astarion taking off without a word, leading her to thinking he might be dead, was the first shitty thing he’d ever done to her.

“That’s not—.”

“You were making decisions for me,” Tav interrupts. “How my life should look, who would be in it, and what would make me happy.” She has fought too hard to be able to make those choices to ever just let someone take them from her. “Even if things panned out the way you wanted,” and Tav still does not know what that was, “it was still a shitty thing to do.”

She would have been upset either way. Tav doesn’t know anyone who wouldn’t be at least a little angry about that kind of thing.

Tav has spent most of her life following orders. Being told what to do, who to talk to, how to think, what to look like, and so much more. She knows Astarion does not want to control her, but she does not like it when people make decisions about her life without her input.

He cannot just show up after months and think he has so much say in her life, even if it was retroactively.

Chapter Text

Astarion messed up.

He’d been trying to downplay things, and that clearly was only making Tav more annoyed with him. Astarion knew she wouldn’t be happy to see him and that she never exactly enjoyed his visits. He’d hoped that would change over time, and while it still might that had not happened yet.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have worded that the way I did.” Tav likes honesty and deserves that and more from him. “Of course me disappearing would have hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing, but that is no excuse.”

It’s just she really doesn’t need him. Astarion needs Tav, she was his goal and the main reason he was working so hard, but Tav? Tav could stand on her own. She did not need people and could get by and thrive without relying on anyone. He needed to work on himself and become better. Astarion didn’t feel right about being around Tav again until recently and that was only because he was more settled into his new life.

Until things were done, until Astarion was fully his own person with more to offer than just himself, he didn’t deserve to be around Tav. She had always been good to him, even when he wasn’t being the nicest to her. Tav never stopped offering him blood, a place to vent, or a sanctuary to rest in, even when he was petulant and jealous.

Even now, he still didn’t feel he was in a good enough position, but Astarion was selfish. He simply hadn’t wanted to stay away from her for a year or more. He might not age anymore, and Tav was an elf, but their time wasn’t infinite. He didn’t want to risk letting too much of it slipping away because things weren’t perfect yet.

They’d probably never be perfect.

“We both know that you wouldn’t be doing all this for nothing,” said Tav. “You would not travel out here, away from Baldur’s Gate and all you have going on there, just to catch up with me.”

That’s not incorrect, Astarion always had some scheme in mind. Tav herself was at the center of a few of them, she would know that better than most. He’d hoped she’d accept that her renewed friendship was worth the effort for him when he’d first tracked her down. Given her displeasure at his presence, that wasn’t exactly working out.

Astarion had clearly underestimated how strained their relationship was and how little Tav wanted to do with him.

She might know how serious he is by now about trying to reestablish a relationship, but that means nothing if she is so adamantly against interacting with him at all. Or if she was so certain that he had hidden motives. Before now Astarion had thought Tav would come around with time.

Clearly that had not happened.

Well, Astarion had already determined that honesty was the best way to get anywhere with Tav. He’s not about to stop now.

“Of course I have other plans involved with coming to see you.” Mainly trying to move from being friends to something more. Given the current state of their relationship and their previous disagreements about sex, that was unlikely to go over well with her. “None of what I’m doing is meant to hurt you though.”

“I don’t believe you,” Tav said simply. “Even if you are telling the truth, you’ve already hurt me without intending to.” Without another word, Tav enters her home and closes the door behind her.

That could have gone better.

Tav wakes up with a gasp

Her heart is pounding, and her eyes are watering. She couldn’t quite remember the dream she had but she’s certain there was a fire. Tav very rarely sleeps instead of trancing, but when she does nightmares usually accompany her.

Tav quickly gets out of bed and goes outside, being inside feels suffocating.

The moon was full and was supplying enough light, so she did not have to stumble around in the dark. Tav sat in a swing her brother hung from a tree during his last visit. He was always trying to do nice things like this for her. His presence was probably the only reason she could stomach going back to that place so frequently.

Going back ‘home’ was always difficult.

Getting to see her brother was always a joy, but being back in her old home always brought up memories. Tav never wants to forget about what happened, for better or worse those experiences shaped her. She wouldn’t be herself, as she is now, without them. Tav had occasionally wondered if the world would be better off that way, but she had eventually moved passed that.

Pain was important, and Tav never wanted to lose sight of that. The pain was hers and Tav would not be her without it.

That didn’t make her past pleasant to dwell on. The nightmares were a fitting punishment.

Tav had done terrible things without thought or hesitation. She’d lied, killed, stolen, and destroyed when ordered to. Decisions were not things she could often make, and Tav avoided thinking about her actions too much.

She tried not to think about much at all during that time.

Tav did as she was ordered to. If she hadn’t, she probably would not be alive right now; Spyros might not be alive either. Tav was just trying to survive and protect the people she cared about.

That didn’t make it right though. So many lives were ended and ruined because one man wanted it so. And he was just one man, despite what he thought of himself. No one person should hold such sway over others.

Despite her efforts, Tav hadn’t even been able to keep everyone alive. So many of the others in the castle and the area surrounding it had not lived to reclaim their agency.

The cemetery had far too many headstones.

After swinging gently back and forth for a few minutes Tav began to shiver, so she built a small fire nearby. Cold or not, she didn’t want to retreat and go back inside too soon. She needed more air and Tav found some enjoyment in looking at the fire.

Fire was a tricky thing. Her life ended as she knew it twice in a fire; once for the worse, and once for the better. Better was an objective thing though and while Tav was certainly not worse off now, she still had a lot to deal with. She’d gotten away and reclaimed her agency, but that didn’t erase all that she’d done.

What would their lives have been like if they’d never wound up in that castle? Where would they have been raised, what would their professions be? Would she have ended up infected with a tadpole or would some other misfit have helped face the Netherbrain?

Tav has no idea who or what she would have been if she’d never been taken to the castle. She would have been a completely different person, leading a completely different life. That’s not what happened though, and she and Spyros had to deal with the cards they’d been dealt.

Spyros seemed happy with how things ultimately worked out though, so at least she had that to be thankful for.

The experience with the tadpoles had shaken the foundation of her existence. For the first time, she was with a group of people who did not know her. Who were not constantly using or judging her. They were her first ever real friends and while there was some friction, they did seem to genuinely like her.

That journey had changed Tav. There were some terrifying parts, and some she could have lived without experiencing, but she’d gotten out of the bubble she’d been in.

Even the pains she’d been delt were mostly new. Though there were some uncomfortably familiar ones around as well. So many of her new friends had stories with parts that sounded horribly recognizable.

Grooming, deals, blackmail, kidnapping, lying, imprisonment. The story was told again and again, albeit with slightly different parts.

It was all familiar and mirrored her story in many ways.

Despite that, Tav hadn’t shared her own dark past. Nice as everyone was, it would have ruined the way they saw her. They would all leave and never come back. Regardless of all the mistakes she made, her companions treated her like some kind of paragon of goodness, like she was some kind of good person. To this day, they all still call her a hero and never seem to understand why she is so adamant that she isn’t.

She really shouldn’t complain. Tav’s already slayed her monster; there is no dark past that will catch up to her or boogie man stalking her through the dark. It is all over and done with.

So why doesn’t it always feel that way?

Astarion has a plan. He’s never been good at making plans, but he has one now.

Tav does not trust him, nor is she wrong to feel that way. Astarion has manipulated, lied, and abandoned her throughout the time they’ve known each other. She has no good reason to trust him. His words are meaningless.

So, Astarion is going to prove to Tav through actions that he is serious about being in her life again. There’s no need to rush though, being hasty could backfire horribly. She’s an elf, so it’s not like they only have a short time left like they would if she was human, but even hundreds of years wouldn’t be enough.

The only real question is, what actions would Tav accept?

Astarion can’t just do anything, that might just make her more upset with him. Astarion hates it when Tav is upset in general, but it’s even worse when he is the cause.

Sending her gifts was out; Tav had already rejected the many flowers he had sent over. What else could he do though, Tav wasn’t the kind of woman who actually wanted gifts. Even when they were traveling together, she didn’t want things. Sure, she would buy new armor and weapons, but that was only when they were obviously better than what she already had.

It was about survival, not because she actually wanted them.

The only thing Astarion can think of that Tav seemed to really like were books. He didn’t know what she already had or what she would want though.

Getting her any book he happened to stumble upon could cause more harm than good. Astarion liked clothes, but it’s not like any random article of clothing would be to his taste. Even during their journey, when the pickings were slim, Tav wasn’t happy with any old book they stumbled upon. She’s been disappointed more than once with their finds for the day. He could always contact Gale and see what the wizard thought, he and Tav discussed books often enough.

That would only be the start though, there is no way Tav would just forgive him after receiving a few books. She had too much pride for that. Hells, it would take more than that for Astarion to forgive someone too.

Astarion would need to do more than just take the time to learn exactly what Tav liked and wanted.

Another thing he could do was maintain contact with Tav.

This would prove that he had no intention of leaving her behind again; that he wanted to stay. Perhaps by continuing to frequent Tav’s store he’ll find ways to help further prove to Tav that he does care about her. The only issue there is that Tav does not like it when he visits her.

Astarion could try and see if one of their mutual friends would be willing to go with him to visit her. That might soften Tav’s opinion on things and open the door for less tension filled communication.

There’s just so much that Astarion wants to know. Much of it were simple everyday things like what books does Tav actually like, what foods did she prefer, what did she like to do in her downtime? Some of it was deeper though, such as who her family was, what her relationship with them was, and where did she grow up?

He really does not know much about Tav when put in that perspective. Astarion knows her personality and how she is when in survival mode, but beyond that… There is so much he needs to learn; so much he wants to learn.

It’s difficult not to just barrel in on finding out, but Astarion has to keep in mind that taking things slowly is the better idea. Rushing in would only be intrusive. When he was telling Tav about his past, she’s never pushed and did not get insistent or upset when he did not want to answer her questions. She ultimately let him set the pace.

It’s just frustrating, since Astarion does not feel equipped to handle this. His only real experience with relationships were shallow, mostly involving sex and betrayal.

It was vile in every facet, and he wants more for himself and for Tav.

That’s not even considering Tav’s aversion to sex. It is something she genuinely did not want. Maybe there was more to it than that, they’d need to have a proper discussion for him to know for certain, but he’d treat it as such for now. While Astarion still has his own complicated relationship with sex, it is not something he is averse to. Should things work out, a discussion about what was and wasn’t okay would need to take place.

Tav always went out of her way to respect boundaries, and he wants to do the same for her. The issue is that he has no experience in any of this.

xXx

Tav feels exhausted, after her rough night she just can’t seem to fully wake up.

It’s led to a bit of a headache and a deep desire to not open the shop today. Tav’s taken enough days off already though, so that’s not really an option. Regardless of what she wants Tav needs to get out of her nice, warm bed and get ready for the day.

What is she going to do if Astarion shows up again today?

Tav still does not like how Astarion has been hanging around. He left and avoided her for months, and now he won’t stop bothering her. Does he think this is okay, that he can just choose when and when not to be in her life? All while expecting her to just go along with it without a feeling or a thought?

Does he really see her as that pathetic? Did Astarion really think he was so wonderful that she would be flattered with any amount of attention?

Was Astarion expecting her to be pining away for him during the time he was gone?

If he was, Astarion was sorely mistaken. While Tav had missed him, and had been very upset in the beginning, she had gotten over it. Life kept going, and she hadn’t wanted to let it pass her by. Tav had mourned their friendship for a time, but that could never have lasted forever. In hindsight, she really should have expected him to leave. It’s not like Astarion had any reason to stay. How he left sucked, but she wasn’t going to dwell in it forever.

But no, in his mind she must have been sitting at the window staring longingly out, or something to that effect.

That’s her knee jerk response at any rate, since only an idiot would not recognize that her mind would go there. The thing is, Astarion kind of is an idiot. He isn’t stupid or anything, but if Tav is being honest, he knows as much about human interaction as she does. Plus, despite how he likes to present himself, Astarion really isn’t much of a planner.

He tends to just…do things. Then Astarion gets surprised that they don’t work out perfectly the way he expected or wanted.

It’s not all his fault. Cazador stunted Astarion’s emotional growth, and while he was learning, that does not mean he’ll recognize every emotional hurdle yet. Or know how to deal with them in healthy ways.

Tav would definitely prefer it if Astarion just left her alone. If he wanted to be friends like he keeps claiming, he had plenty of time to contact her. If it was just a friendship he was after, Astarion wouldn’t have avoided contact for months. No, he waited for a reason. Astarion admitted to it already, he has some ulterior motive.

What could that be? What could he get out of coming out here to see her?

Tav is not important, she went out of her way to not be recognized as a hero. Her shop and new home are not important either.

There isn’t anything in the area that should be worth his time.

A part of her thinks it would be easier if Astarion just came out and admitted to whatever is going on in his brain. Tav has a feeling though, that it would just piss her off further.

Tav shakes her head in an effort to clear it. Thinking about this now is doing her no good; she is annoyed and exhausted and will get nowhere. Whatever Astarion’s motivations and thought processes are, she will find out eventually.

For now at least, there isn’t anything she can do about him anyway.

Chapter Text

Tav heaves the last of the feed buckets onto the Raven perch. The ravens, like usual, immediately swarm. Usually, they hang around and watch while she leaves out food, but this morning they’d been sitting on the roof of the shop, staring at something.

It made her nervous.

She hurriedly began putting the bins with the raven feed back in their places. Normally Tav liked to take her time with these tasks, but this did not seem like a morning for that. It was always smart to pay attention when animals were behaving oddly.

What could have possibly held their attention so intensely that they hadn’t been on the perch, waiting, the second Tav got out their food?

Whatever it was, she would deal with it immediately. Hopefully, given that the ravens were just watching, it wasn’t anything serious. If it was something bad the ravens would have reacted in some way. They would have attacked or something.

Regardless, Tav needed to investigate.

It was probably nothing. Some kid trying to mess with her door, or a person checking the windows to see if she was inside.

Except the ravens were not ignoring the issue. There was still food in the buckets, but in the time it had taken Tav to put the feed away, some of them were already flying back to the shop’s roof. The ravens were all staring in the same direction too.

Sure, some of them preferred to graze instead of eating their fill, but even then, they would still hang around.

The front gate wasn’t sticking.

It would always get stuck after not being used for a few hours. It was old and Tav had been meaning to fix it, but there was always something more important that required her attention. The gate was also more decorative than anything. It only went up to her waist and could easily be jumped over. It had never been a real priority.

Why was it working perfectly now?

Tav looked around but couldn’t see evidence of anything. The ravens were still sitting on the shop’s roof, but they weren’t really giving her any clues.

Had someone come by to fix it? Was that why the raven’s seemed so agitated; a stranger was hanging around messing with the property? That was a likely answer, since they probably saw all her stuff as part of their territory.

What was going on? Why would someone fix her gate?

Tav looks down the road and sees no one. Whoever it was, if someone had in fact fixed her gate, they were gone now. There literally wasn’t anything she could do.

Hopefully an answer will come eventually.

Tav isn’t even completely sure how someone is supposed to feel about this. The gate was annoying, and she had been meaning to fix it, so it wasn’t a bad thing in itself that it was repaired. The fact that someone came onto her property, without her knowledge or permission, unsettled her though.

She’ll try investigating after work; there are bound to be some signs of something. Even if there isn’t, an answer will present itself sooner or later. If someone did fix the gate, they were bound to step forward eventually.

No one does something like this just because.

Tav’s stomach growls. It’s getting close to dinnertime and there is a stew waiting for her at home and she cannot wait to have some.

She’s also still tired from the night before and could really use some more rest.

Maybe Tav should just close the shop early. People mostly come during the daytime so it isn’t very likely that someone will come in to buy things. She really wouldn’t be missing out on any sales. Travels were probably camped out or in an inn by now and if one of the townspeople needed anything they could always come by in the morning.

They also know they can just knock on her door in an emergency.

It would be fine. Tav has had a long day and is hungry. She also wanted to make sure the raven’s perch is still stable and that’s not even considering whatever is going on with her gate.

And maybe check other areas of her property just to be safe.

With a bowl of warm soup in hand, Tav went about surveying the outside of her house, the garden, the shop, and anything else on her land.

Doing this as it was getting dark wasn’t the most convenient of timing, but she really did not want to put it off. The sooner Tav takes inventory of things, the more information she will have. Plus, if she wakes up one morning only to find a change again, Tav will have a clearer idea of when something could have happened.

The raven perch looked just as she’d left it, so that was a relief. The last thing Tav wanted was for it to fall over again.

The gate also appeared just as it had that morning. She thinks the hinges on it might be new, they certainly looked cleaner than other parts of the gate and fence. It was difficult to be certain though.

After checking those obvious places, Tav began by walking along with her fence. For the most part, the fence looked as it should. There was some wear and tear, but that was expected given it was outside. The swing also seemed to be in its usual place without any tampering, though she’ll be sure to check whenever using it from now on.

Next to the swing was the makeshift fire pit she’d put together last night. Or this morning depending on one’s definition.

Except, the fire pit did not look so makeshift now.

Tav just made a campfire, like she and the others did while traveling to Baldur’s Gate. Now though the area was cleaned up, the grass had been cleared away, and there were stones and bricks strategically laid out. It did not look especially fancy or anything, but it was certainly sturdier and safer than what she’d done on her own.

How had she not noticed this being done?

Tav backs away from the fire pit and continues with her survey. That is creepy; what else will she find? What else was happening on her property while she was here, but did not know?

Even if this specific occurrence was benign or well intentioned, what if it was someone with darker intentions. For her to be so unaware of her surroundings was dangerous. No one should be in the immediate area, messing with her stuff, without Tav knowing.

What else could have been tampered with?

Tav picked up her pace as she continued to walk along with the fence. She really didn’t have much, but she needed to look at it all.

The outside of the shop looks normal, as does the immediate area surrounding her house. The garden appears as she left it as well. The fence doesn’t have any damaged or new parts either. That can’t be it though, what else is there for her to check?

It’s only when she hears her gate swing open that Tav looks up.

“Hello.” Astarion says after they stare at each other for a few seconds. “I was planning to head into your shop, but I guess I don’t need to.” He looked around awkwardly for a moment before continuing. “What are you doing out here?”

“Someone is messing with my stuff.” It’s honestly really off-putting. She really needs to figure out the extent of all this. And maybe put up wards or something. Tav really doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life constantly on edge and wondering what is and isn’t safe to use. Always worrying about a trespasser that she may not be able to notice was also daunting.

“Messing with your stuff?” Astarion said in a confused voice.

“The gate has been altered, and someone built a fire pit.” The last thing Tav wants is for Astarion to start pestering her about ‘her’ home improvements. That seems like the kind of thing he’d get on her case about. “I’m trying to figure out what else the intruder did while trespassing.”

“Trespassing?”

“That is what it is called when someone goes on private property they are not welcomed on.” You’d think a vampire would be familiar with the concept. Astarion himself also valued his privacy, never liking it when the others got too close to his tent or things.

Astarion slowly opens her gate and watches as it doesn’t stick. “Isn’t calling whoever did this an intruder a bit much? It sounds like only good things were done.”

Tav paused in her search to look back at Astarion with an arched brow. “Are you telling me that someone coming here, touching and changing my things, and who knows what else, all while I was unaware, is not something I should be worried about?”

Astarion grimaces. “Well, when you put it like that.”

Was there a different way Tav was supposed to look at it? She’s been freaking out all day, and here Astarion is acting like her mindset was unusual.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” and he can get lost, “I need to get back to my survey.”

“You really don’t have to do that.” Astarion walks over to where Tav is examining her fence. He tries to gently lead her away, but Tav jerks her arm back.

She is not okay with him touching her.

At her glare, Astarion hastily defended himself. “Look, I can understand why you are upset, but I promise you, there is nothing to worry about.”

That sounded crazy. Sure, maybe this time there were no dangers waiting for her to stumble upon them, but what about next time? Or the time after that? Even if nothing malicious was ever done, that did not mean Tav had to be okay with someone sneaking onto her property. What if they entered her house next?

“Ha, ha very funny,” Tav deadpanned. “Go away now, I’m busy.”

Astarion rushes to get in front of her. “No, I mean you really don’t need to worry.” Tav could only glare at him. “I fixed your gate and set up the fire pit.”

Tav looked at Astarion up and down. “Do you really expect me to believe that?” Does he think she’s stupid? Even if Tav believed Astarion was capable of doing either of those things, the fire pit, at least, was done during the day. Regardless, Astarion being behind this makes no sense.

“Okay, fine,” Astarion groaned, “I hired someone to do all that.”

“Why?” And why did he think that was appropriate? Seriously what in the hells was he thinking? He didn’t live here, they weren’t friends, he has no right.

Everything Tav has in her life was the result of her own hard work. Her skills, her job, even her name, that was all her. She doesn’t need Astarion coming around and thinking he can just do things because he wants to.

“I could afford to hire someone, and I wanted to do something to help you,” Astarion replied. “You’ve done so much for me since we met, and I just…”

“It is not your place to do that.” You do not just hire someone to do work on someone else’s land without their knowledge or permission. “It was very inappropriate and even if it wasn’t, I do not want or need your help.”

Astarion signed. “I understand, but you were always so helpful and nice. You’re still helpful and nice. You deserve to have these kinds of things done for you. I want our relationship to heal so we can be friends again. I don’t know how else to go about doing that.”

“I don’t care.” Tav stopped caring about Astarion and what he wanted a while ago. “We are not friends, and we haven’t been in a while because of your actions.”

His face falls, but she only feels a little bad about it.

“You cannot just come back, after letting me think you were dead, and decide we will be friends again. I also get a say, and I don’t want to be friends with you.” Her opinion is just as important in this situation and all he’s done is make her uncomfortable. And angry.

Mostly angry.

Sometimes it feels like Astarion cannot do anything right.

He really thought that paying to have a few of Tav’s things fixed up was a good idea. Astarion certainly has the coin now to do all sorts of things that could improve her standard of living multiple times over and not even feel a financial hit.

Astarion had noticed that the gate would regularly stick and various other minor things that might be causing Tav issues. It seemed like a good idea to help. It seemed like a way to show her that he wasn’t just coming around to bother her for his own amusement.

Yet Tav was angry about his help.

Astarion could understand where her upset was coming from. It does sound rather creepy to wake up to find someone was interfering with your belongings while you were unaware. He probably should have said something beforehand, but if he had there was no way Tav would’ve ever accepted his help.

Still, he cannot help but feel disappointed. All Astarion wanted was to find some way to help Tav. She was always so helpful to everyone around her and had done more than she reasonably should have to assist him.

She never got the same amount of help or care from others though. Astarion wants to do that for her. He wants Tav to know she can rely on him.

He wants to take care of her. Tav doesn’t need to be strong all the time.

They are clearly not there yet though and no amount of sneaking around, secretly doing things for her, is going to change that.

Astarion will have to regroup and think of something new to try. Again.

Tav might not want to be friends again right now, but that would change eventually. After all his screwups before, she’d still been friends with him until he’d left. Astarion could get them back to that place.

It would just take more work than he’d first anticipated.

That is not exactly a surprise given all that had already happened. Astarion knew Tav was not pleased with his actions, and that things would take a while to fix.

He knew going into this that it would not be easy, and that was fine. Astarion did not mind thinking of a new scheme. Something was bound to work eventually. His ultimate plan will still work, it just needs a little refinement.

For now though, a strategic retreat might be the smartest thing to do.

“I did not mean to upset you,” Astarion said. “I’ll be taking my leave for now.” He’ll go home and think of what he should do next.

He needs to keep in mind that in Tav’s eyes he’s done some really shitty things. Trust is very difficult to regain once lost, and Astarion did numerous things that trampled all over the trust they once shared.

That’s fine though, it’s not like Astarion is inexperienced with a good chase.

“I’ll visit another time.” Hopefully, he’ll have more free time soon so the wait won’t be too long. “I hope you trance well tonight.”

At the mention of trancing, Tav flinches, which is an interesting reaction, but Astarion will need to dwell on it later. There will be more than enough time to consider things on the carriage ride home, and he really doesn’t need to antagonize Tav further.

Tav feels a little guilty as she watches Astarion go, but he just keeps stomping on her boundaries. He cannot disappear and reappear at his leisure and expect her to be fine with it. He has every right to live the way he wants, but she is under no obligation to be waiting for him like some pathetic fool begging for scraps of affection.

Maybe he does mean well, Astarion does not have a lot of experience with friendly interactions, but almost everything he’s done lately has just felt like slights. He doesn’t think about what she might want or how things will make her feel. Astarion just gets an idea in his head and runs with it.

Being thoughtful does in fact require putting thought into your actions.

She’s also got a lot on her plate already. Her brother wants her to visit more and to help with his wedding, her shop needs looking after, and she needs to continue preparing for the upcoming cold weather. Tav doesn’t need a vampire or anyone else for that matter, with ulterior motives hanging around.

The thing is, Astarion just keeps digging and digging. He should have given up by now, he hates hard work, but he keeps coming back. Her friendship cannot be worth all that to him, there had to me more to it.

Tav is also worried about what his digging could eventually uncover. What if Astarion comes by during one of Spyros’s visits?

The last thing Tav wants is for Astarion to find out about her family. It’s not any of his business and he’d just find a way to use the knowledge to his advantage. Probably at her expense. Tav isn’t exactly sure how he could use that knowledge, but it was Astarion, he would find some way to use it against her.

Maybe Astarion really does mean well. He could just want to be friends again and maybe he does feel bad about how he acted. That doesn’t mean he is entitled to her forgiveness or time.

There might also be more to Tav’s anger than all that though.

Things feel a lot like they did when Astarion was trying to have sex with her. The pushiness, crossing her boundaries, and seemingly no attempts to understand her point of view. Astarion has decided he wants something, and because it makes perfect sense to him, it should be something she wants as well.

Tav did not believe that he simply wanted to reconnect, there was more to it than that. She already did not want to associate with him, but knowing he wasn’t being honest with her just made her more certain she was correct.

She has other things to focus on anyway. Astarion is not and should not be the focus of her life.