Chapter Text
After saving their lives, Merlin tended to his duties.
He made a simple mushroom soup, refilled all the water skins, brushed down the horses, hung all their capes up to dry over some nearby branches, and washed Arthur’s socks in a cold creek where he also gathered some algae for Gaius. All in all, it had been a very productive trip.
He rubbed his hands together for warmth as he looked over this work. Yes, he thought. All is well. Or maybe, not all is well, but at least he got his chores done before Arthur decides he wants to berate him again. Merlin trotted over the fire where Percival had upended two tree stumps and placed them down as benches.
Sir Leon was stoking the fire with a stick, trying to even the smoke out. It was clear to Merlin that he’d been on the verge of speaking several times, but didn’t know how to begin. After he gave the older man a soft nod, he began.
"So is that how you survived the Dorocha? Your...dragonsblood?" His voice was guarded but not judging, as if he was trying to figure something out for himself. Merlin met his eyes over the fire and saw nothing but sincerity and honesty in them.
"It’s possible. Frankly, I’m not too sure how or why I survived”
"It's a simple enough question, Merlin. Just answer him” Arthur grumbled from the right. The Prince had made a point of sitting furthest away from him. What an ass.
“The question may be simple, but I don't know the answer, my Lord. Your father destroyed any books on the topic, and any other dragon-nobility was executed, so there is no one I can ask. Though I suppose I could ask Killgarrah, but I doubt you’d like to see him again”. Merlin added bitterly.
Arthur's eyes met his and Merlin could see in real time how quickly Arthur came to realise what he had meant by that. “I didn’t kill the dragon that night, did I?”
“No, Sire. You did not”
“So that was another lie”
“You can’t blame me for lying when the truth is a death sentence”
Merlin let that statement sit for a moment. Perhaps it was a cruel thing to say, after all he hated lying to Arthur, and he did want to apologise for all the years of lying. But he also needed his friends to hear his side.
Lancelot, kind gentle Lancelot, placed a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. His touch had always had a calming effect on Merlin. His presence even more so. Tears began to sting his eyes, but. he told himself it was just from the smoke of the fire.
“I met the dragon yesterday, he saved our lives from the Dorocha with his fire. And afterwards, he flew us to you”
No!
“No, that’s not true. Sir Lancelot lies, he is not a traitor to the crown, he would never betray you sire!” Merlin scrambles to explain, desperate to keep his friend alive. Gods, why is it every friend he makes is so willing to sacrifice their own lives?!
“Lancelot!?” Arthur exclaims but is shushed by Lancelots soothing voice. “My Lord, I am your knight and I will always be loyal to you. It is an honor to serve you, Sire. But I must also look after my friend — and right now Merlin is my priority.”
He turns to face Merlin, placing his hand gently under his chin. “You don’t have to lie any longer, Merlin. You don’t have to hide”
That thought terrified him. As much as he had always wanted and fantasized about being honest with Arthur and their friends, he found himself more terrified than ever before.
“I’ve been hiding my whole life, I don’t know how to be visible” Merlin choked as he tried to wipe his tears.
“Then let me be your strength.” Lancelot gives him one of his gentle smiles before he speaks again. “It is true Sire, that I’ve always known about Merlin’s magic. You remember the griffin that plagued Camelot all those years ago. We were all told it could only die by magic, and I was willing to lay down my life for your kingdom when I made my attempt at charging it. But somehow, seconds before I struck it, my lance erupted in blue flames killing it where it stood.”
All the knights were attentively listening. Lancelot had that effect on people, his voice and demeanor always seemed honest. “I admit I was surprised at its death, for my lance had not been made with magic. When I looked around I saw fallen knights on the ground, yourself amongst them. And, hiding behind a tree stood Merlin. His eyes glowed gold, for it was he who saved Camelot that day. Not I.”
The fire crackled as everyone looked at Merlin, who seemed to grow pink. They all knew he had a tendency to hide behind trees and bushes during battles. Had this been the reason why? Had he been fighting using magic all this time?
“From that day on I swore to keep his secret. I’ve watched Merlin take down an immortal army, kill beasts and assassins without breaking a sweat, all while still serving you breakfast. You may question Merlin’s honesty but never for one moment should you question his loyalty. Merlin is entirely devoted to you, Arthur”
Lancelot pulled him into his side and hugged him with one arm. Merlin tried to even out his breathing as he waited for his prince to speak.
“But he was not a dragonlord back then…how did he have magic?” The idiot asks. Arthur seemed more confused than angry. Hopefully, that meant he would be able to forgive him for some of his worst decisions.
“I told you my dragon abilities were inherited. My father was a dragonlord and warlock, as am I”
“What exactly is a warlock? Is that any different from a sorcerer?” Elyan piped up from his left side. He sipped his drink as if he was merely asking about the weather.
“Well, sorcerers study magic, they must practice and it takes years to learn. Gaius is a sorcerer who studies magic for healing purposes. Warlocks and witches on the other hand, are born with their powers. Morgana is such a witch, just like I am a warlock.”
At this Arthur raised his voice. “That’s not possible, Merlin. People aren’t born with magic”
“Isn’t it? Says who?” Merlin cocked his head. His tears were dried and his breathing much steadier.
“My f-“
“Your father? The king who banned magic? The same king who burned pregnant mothers and drowned druid children? Right, of course, silly me. For a moment I forgot that my father was a dragonlord, whose ability was passed down from his father and from his father before him.”
Merlin explained calmly, letting the words flow over the knights as he spoke. It’s not the first time they’ve heard him speak treason, and judging by the look on Arthur’s face, he was not entirely happy about it. But Merlin knew him better than anyone; Arthur was not angry with him, but rather because he recognized the truth in what was said.
Arthur looked away at that, and it hurt Merlin. He could never condone her actions, but Morgana's path to villainy had been paved with loneliness and lies. Eventually, Arthur turned back and fixed his eyes on Merlin. It seemed he had more pressing matters than the revelation of Morgana's magic. At least for now.
“So the beast is still alive. How do I keep Camelot safe if it’s still out there?” Arthur grumbled at Merlin. The fear of another attack on his home was great. He was also angry that the dragon still lived, that his victory had just been a lie. A lie that Merlin made him believe wholeheartedly. Because he never thought Merlin of all people, would be so comfortable lying to him.
“I told you, Killgarrah is like an uncle to me and so I couldn’t kill him. He is the only one alive who truly knew my father. Instead, I banished him from Camelot, and he cannot return upon pain of death. He obeys my orders like your knights obey you.” He nodded towards Sir Leon who gave him a small if not uncertain smile.
At this point, Arthur had stood up and began pacing the campsite. His jaw was tightened as he thought and reasoned with himself. Anxiety and desperation were evident in his tone as he spoke. “If you are telling the truth, and you truly were born with magic — that it exists within you...how is it that you’re not corrupted?”
A loud sigh escaped Merlin`s lips as he shook his head. He knew it would be tough to explain to Arthur and the others that magic is not as black and white as Uther had made it seem. “Magic is woven into the very fabric of the earth. It lives in the leaves in the trees, the waves at sea, and the moss on the ground. Trying to eradicate it is impossible. Uther might as well try and shoot the moon”
The men around the fire sat silently and listened. The fire crackled and the wind blew softly across their camp. "You’re saying that magic is just a part of nature...what, like water? But we’ve seen magic corrupt and kill before" Said Elyan, admittedly a little confused.
“Yes, I am. Magic is no more evil than any other force of nature. To use your example of water." Merlin ignored Arthurs's scoff as he continued:
"It can sail a ship safely to shore, or sink it. Water can also grow crops, or flood the streets. It can put out housefires, or it can be used to drown druid children. Magic is about balance, just like any other part of nature. Too much of it can be deadly, but if you remove it entirely you will die." He paused for a moment. "It all depends on how it's used and how much.”
“You speak of magic like it’s poetry, but I’ve seen horrible things at the hands of magic users” Arthur tried to reason.
He wasn't entirely incorrect, Merlin had seen awful things at the hands of magic users. Moraguse and Morgana came to mind. But he`s come this far, he needs to make them understand that not every sorcerer is hellbent on destroying Camelot.
“That’s true, but you’ve also seen good things at the hands of magic. Just like I have seen good things from Uther, I have also seen the injustice of your father's paranoia" He steadied himself before he continued. Merlin knew he was closing on dangerous grounds, but Arthur needed to hear it.
"Gwen has been accused of practicing magic twice. She was innocent, yet Uther ordered her pyre built. Gaius was accused of magic, and tortured into a false confession. He was already tied to the pyre when you stopped it. How many more innocents must be accused and executed before you realise that crying magic is a death sentence in Camelot. That as soon as the word is whispered, your father orders their arrest - innocent or not."
Elyan looked distinctly green at this and moved uncomfortably in his seat. He no doubt remembered how his father died, and the vision of Gwen at the pyre was too much to bear. Percival placed a hand on his shoulder to soothe him.
Arthur seemed ashamed as he mumbled to Merlin “Magic killed my mother," as if this was a reasonable justification. And now, Merlin is no stranger to pretty revenge. But, Arthur is above such things and thus needs to hear the truth.
“And a sword killed my father, but you don’t see me refusing to sharpen yours. And a spear killed Sir Elyans father but you don’t see him burning all spearmakers.” Merlin snapped back harshly. It was a cruel thing to say, and he could see the pain in the knights' eyes, but at least they finally understood him.
Elyan looked uncomfortable as he mumbled “I just think it’s unfair that someone can wield such power, while others” he gestures towards the knights “like us, don’t. We don’t have any way of defending ourselves against magic”
Merlin shrugged. “Well…most things in life are unfair, Sir Elyan. You’re all trained killers, I’m just a peasant with no sword training. You’re all of noble standing with a voice at court, but if I speak out of turn I would be flogged.”
Arthur winced at that, he hated hearing of the time Uther nearly flogged him. “You guys dragged me with you on all sorts of quests and adventures, but you never gave me any armor or training. That’s unfair. My only choice of defending myself is to run or hide, which you will call me a coward for. But if I use magic to save mine, or even your life, I would hang for it. That’s unfair”
Arthur had since stopped pacing and had now walked over to sit beside Merlin. It made his heart happy to feel him so near, to know that his very presence no longer disgusted him. "Alright, Let`s say I'm entertaining this idea of yours." He began.
“In your examples, it’s not just the water doing the work, it’s humans too. Like the ship; you say the ocean can sink or sail it, but that’s not entirely true — you’d need someone to man the ship". Arthur concluded.
Merlin smiled. “Yes, Arthur. But if you think back to what Elyan said, about how it’s unfair that some people understand this power while you guys don’t, imagine this:
"Could you prevent a shipwreck, tend to the sails or the mast? No, but a sailor can. You cannot command a dragon, but I can. Is it unfair, maybe — but that’s how life works. Everyone has their own skills and abilities, as we must all work together. I can’t fight in battle, but I can save your life afterward with medicine. You wouldn’t call that unfair, it’s just how life works. And that’s also how magic works — everything in harmony and balance”
Next to him Lancelot smiled and grabbed his knee in a comforting way. Gwaine kept his eyes on him, not judging, but he was clearly intrigued about this way of thinking.
At last, Percival spoke. "I think my issue is the trust we must then place at the feet of magic users. Druids are peaceful, I know. I've stayed with them for a while. But common sorcerers...I don't think I've ever met a kind sorcerer.”
"Well," Said Gwaine. "We are all fighters and killers, as Merlin says. But we trust each other not to attack while the others sleep. Arthur trusts us not to stage a coup, or steal from his vaults. We swore an oath, and our word as knights means everything. But that does not mean we are not capable of terrible things."
Merlin had never been more thankful for Gwaine in his life. He gave him the brightest smile he could, before turning his attention towards the largest knight. "What Gwaine says is true. And just for the record, you have met a kind sorcerer. Gaius is one. I am one. Many other kind magic users reside in Camelot, you just don't know them."
Percival seemed to listen attentively and motioned for Merlin to go on.
"Most people only have small amounts of magic, but you will never know about it, for if you did, they would burn. As a servant and a physician, I meet most people in the Citadel. There are many sorcerers in Camelot living a quiet and normal life. They have jobs like me and they’re nobles like Leon. We exist. And we don’t want to see our home destroyed”.
"In fact," he said, and turned to Arthur again. "Remember the tourney where you lost purposely so your father could win?”
“Yes, there was a peasant lad who placed second. Father beat him of course” Arthur smiled proudly at the memories.
“He was a sorcerer who inherited his powers from his father just like me. His name is Gilli, and his father was a kind man who never used magic to harm others — in fact, he died knowing he could save himself using magic, but he refused. Gilli is still my friend"
“But he fought using a sword, not magic?” Confusion clouded Arthurs's features.
“Exactly. You never knew he had magic, you only saw a competent fighter. Gilli wanted to kill Uther, or at the very least humiliate him. But he changed his mind once I told him about you. He and I both know what it’s like to watch a father die, and he didn’t want you to go through the same thing”
At this Leon sputtered "You mean to tell us that a sorcerer who sought Uther`s death...simply changed his mind! How?"
“Because I was kind to him." Merlin smiled and blushed at the coos Gwaine made. The knight was lazily laying against the log with a drink in his hand, smiling at Merlin across the fire. He was half tempted to box his ears, but instead, he continued.
"Because I offered him friendship and kinship. We still keep in touch. Last I heard he was in Nemeth fighting in their tourneys. He’s become quite the champion” Pride was evident in his voice, and his eyes beamed as he thought back on the many letters Gilli had sent him over the years.
Arthur seemed to calm down at that. He obviously remembered the boy and was now revisiting the memories in a different light. To think that his father may have died in that arena, that he would've been an orphan if not for Merlin's interference.
To think that a sorcerer seeking revenge simply changed his mind at the offer of friendship? Merlin saw a plot to kill the king, intervened, and kept quiet about it despite the possibility of a reward, simply because he wanted a friend. How could he ever think Merlin could be corrupted? Is magic not corruptive at all? Arthur needed to know for certain.
"Answer me this; Does magic corrupt at all? We all saw what it did to Morgana, how she turned spiteful and evil. Or is that also another of my father's lies?"
“Dark magic can certainly corrupt, and Morgana dabbled in it. Magic is all about balance, that much you know. You give and you take, and it’s closely tied to your emotions. She is angry and vengeful, so her magic will reflect that. But she takes too much without giving back -- the Gods are not happy with her for tearing the veil. She will be punished, and thus become even more angry, and the cycle will continue."
He shuddered at this. "But no, not all magic corrupts. I’ve never been good at healing spells, I’m better at dealing direct damage, just like you in a fight. I’m good at sneaking around, so my magic can be subtle. Gaius on the other hand, is a studious person with an interest in the human body, so his healing abilities are much better than mine. But Morgana…” Merlin trailed off, unsure if he should speak further.
Arthur nodded and wordlessly told him to continue.
“Well, think back to all the years you’ve known her. She’s always been proud and forceful. She could be stubborn as a goat, and once she made her mind up it was near impossible to change it. She stood up to your father many times, and even spent days in the cells for it. She was kind and playful yes, but also competitive and cunning. She knew how to play court and put up a false facade”
Arthur couldn't disagree with that. All he said was true. Morgana was his dear friend and sister for most of his life, but they too, had their spats and disagreements. She could be angry and dangerous at times if provoked. If Sir Leon's facial expressions were correct, he was also thinking back to what she was like.
"So it wasn`t magic that corrupted her. But it helped her achieve her goals. For example, it was her, not Dragoon, who placed the love poultice in Gwen's house. She used your father's paranoia of magic to frame her former friend to be rid of your future queen."
Arthur's eyes shot wide open at this. "Morgana was willing to let Gwen burn at the stake for a crime she has never committed!? I always knew we were not enchanted, but I thought that was just Dragoon being bad at magic..."
“No, the love you two shared was real, and it frightened Morgana. She saw Gwen as a potential future queen and so she wanted her to die. It's no surprise that Gwen was so terrified she broke off your courtship.” Merlin looked sheepishly to Lancelot who had benefitted from this broken engagement.
The Prince Regent looked furious at this, but his anger was not directed towards either his knight or former love. The sting of betrayal ran deep, and the realisation that Morgana had turned her back on them earlier than he knew, was a painful one. Beside him, Merlin concluded.
"Now is probably the right time to tell you that I was Dragoon. I realised Morganas plot and changed my appearance to take the blame. Gwen was freed, and I escaped execution. Morgana was enraged, but thankfully she never realised it was I. So instead, she’s now afraid there is an old, dodgy sorcerer following and sabotaging her."
Merlin giggled at the thought. It was kinda funny.
Elyan, Lancelot, and Arthur began speaking all at once. Their words drowned each other out, but it was easy to understand them. They were both furious at Merlin's lack of self-preservation, as well as thankful that he foiled Morgana's plan. Merlin let them ramble on for a few minutes before he waved his hand to silence them.
"Like I said, Morgana isn’t evil because of magic. She has always known how to anger and push you, how to act two-faced and conniving. The only difference is that she can now also utilize magic to further her goals"
The knights nodded at that. Arthur knew his friend was right, but it still hurt to hear. Beside him, Merlin had lifted his hands to his mouth and whispered a spell into them. Eyes shining brighter than Arthur’s crown. When he opened his fists, a small delicate butterfly emerged, flying from his hands and over to Lancelot. It landed on his nose.
Arthur smiled at the sight.
“You’ve seen magic used for evil before, but you have also seen it used for healing. Morgana tore the veil using magic, and I fixed it using magic. You once believed that not all magic is used for evil, that it can be used for good. I hope that I can make you believe in that again.”
The blue butterfly flutters from knight to knight, standing out in the darkness. Seemingly taking a shine to Percival and stays seated on his head for the rest of the evening, while the men chat idly about nothing and everything. Merlin had never felt more happy than he did in this moment.
Things would need to change, and trouble was brewing on the horizon with Morgana yet defeated. But Merlin smiled to himself as he realised his friends didn’t hate him, and that they believed him about his magic.
Arthur believed him!
It was everything he had ever wanted and more.
Late at night when the others are asleep, Merlin and Arthur distance themselves from them. The Prince walks them over to a large rock, where they sit down, side by side like they always do. Arthur's chainail felt old against Merlins thin jacket, but the happiness he felt from finally being seen, kept him warm.
Arthur took Merlin's hand in his. “I don’t understand,” Said he.
“You have all this power. You’re a warlock and a dragonlord; you’re trusted by all the knights and even members of the court. You’re a noble with direct ties to the kingdom of Elmet, you could be King of the Perilous Lands. Why on earth are you still a servant? Others would’ve taken over the kingdom by now! Used me as a puppet King to do their own bidding”
“That’s not why I do it”
“Then, why?”
“Some people are born to plow the fields, to sharpen swords, to sail ships. You Arthur, are born to be a great King. And I was born to be your servant, and I’m proud of that. I would never want to change a thing”
“Do you really believe that?” Arthur sounded hesitant, desperate almost, for the validation that he knew only Merlin could provide.
“I believe in you more than I believe in anything else. I know our destiny is true because I met you. You made it true — you made me believe in you, and therefore we made it real. One day you will be the greatest King Albion has ever known, and I will be there at your side"
Arthur held their joined hands close to his chest. “Do you promise to never lie to me again? To always tell the truth, even if it hurts me?”
“Yes, Sire. You have my word”
“Then I believe you.” He looked over to his servant. Their faces were closer than comfortable, and their voices hushed as they whispered in the misty night.
“Merlin" He began but found he needed a moment to gather himself. Merlin offered him one of his usual dopey smiles and it filled him with the courage and determination that he needed.
"I don’t know how to be King without you by my side. I don’t know how to do anything really, without you there to support me. I need you. And I cannot lose you. My heart would break and I’d go mad with grief like my father”
The very thought of losing Merlin hurt him more than he could ever put into words. The terror of these last few days, of watching Melrin almost die, the reveal and betrayal of his magic, had finally taken its toll on him. The Prince broke down in tears.
Arthurs's voice shook with tears as he finally admitted. “I need you…to always just be you” His eyes shone wetly and he hoped that Merlin would understand him. That Merlin would understand his heart, the way he always seemed to understand his soul.
Thankfully, Merlin is not so much of an idiot as Arthur seemed to think.
"You will always have me, Arthur. And I will never leave your side." Merlin promised his prince as he closed his eyes, and met Arthur's lips in a soft and everloving kiss.