Archive of Our Own ^beta

 Grian’s life started when he joined Hermitcraft, when he met all his friends, when he finally felt safe. His life started when the people around him loved and cared for him, when he loved and cared for them

Grian’s life started six years ago.

But he had a life before that.

Grian knew he hadn’t just appeared one random day. He knew he must have had a family out there, somewhere.  

He just… He didn’t know who they were, or what they were or where they were.

Grian just… He just didn’t remember. 

And it wasn’t his fault, necessarily. 

They had taken his memories, thrown them away, locked them away. Grian didn’t remember getting them taken away, but he remembered waking up and feeling wrong. Feeling empty. Feeling like a part of him was missing.  

That feeling never left, not after leaving them all those years ago. Not after having friends here, in Hermitcraft and having friends off in other servers he had met through people. That feeling never left him.

But he was okay with it.

Grian was okay with it. 

Because how could he miss something he didn’t remember?

— — — 

Season seven had been great, amazing even, with the mycelium resistance, his mansion, the button game! It had been a great season.

But season eight was long over due. 

So he wasn’t too upset as they stood in a group, readying for the season to begin. Which seemed to be pressuring Mumbo to introduce the season.

Mumbo who did not listen to Xisuma when he was going over the new season rules. 

“And er I think that’s everything?” Mumbo spoke quickly as he slowly backed away from the group. 

Joe shook his head, “The continant, Mumbo, and people.” 

Mumbo’s eyes lit up as he nodded. “Yes- yes, uh, only one continent to keep everyone together this season and uh, we have two new players! They’re, er, in the hole.” 

The group all leaned forwards, Grian chuckled as he stared down at the two players in the hole, both staring up at the rest of the Hermit’s.

“We have Geminitay,” She raised her hand, waving at the players. “And Pearlescentmoon,” She also stuck her hand up, waving at the group before she faltered, freezing as she stared at… Grian? 

“Is that all?” Mumbo whispered, leaning over to Grian. 

He smiled, diverting his eyes from Pearl who was still… staring. “I think you need to explain why you’re only wearing a shirt.” 

Mumbo’s face was quick to turn red as he stepped back from Grian. “I have shorts on! They’re just close to my-” 

“ Grian? ” 

The voice was shallow, quiet and shaky yet somehow loud and bold. 

Grian furrowed his brows but let out a small smile. “Yes, Pearl?” 

She didn’t react for a second, eyes glossed over as they pinned to his form. When she spoke again her voice was somehow worse, it trembled as she spoke, water threatening to pour from her eyes. “You- You’re alive? ” 

Maybe Grian hadn’t heard her right because what?

Well, it was a bit late for him to make first impressions now. Pearl was going to hate him because he looked and had the same name as someone who was dead.

“I’m sorry? I’m not sure I understand.” He sent her another smile. 

Grian glanced around the group, some players had left, chopping down trees while others stared at him and Pearl, all looking rather confused as well. 

“I- We thought you were dead, Griba! Why didn’t you call! Or message! Or just let us know you weren’t dead! ” She had left the pit at one point standing a few steps away from Grian, paying no mind to the eyes watching the pair.

“Pearl, what-” 

“I thought they had killed you- ” Her voice was shaky still, as she gasped for air. A couple of Hermit’s turned away, giving her some privacy. “ They said you went willingly but I didn’t- I didn’t believe it! Then they said you were dead! I- You were stubborn though, always have been! Of course the watchers couldn’t-” 

Grian didn’t let Pearl finish as his head snapped up to her, lips parting as his weak smile was quick to fall, eyes narrowing. “How do you know about that?” 

Pearl was now the one confused. “I- What? Grian, what-”

“How do you know about them? ” He spat, taking a step back, away from Pearl.

They were old fairy tales told by parents to misbehaving children, they were horror stories told by admins to scare players. They were legends to be told over a campfire. 

They weren’t believed in by players. 

No one believed in them.

Unless…

“What are you on about? Griba, I was there- with you on Evo. Me, you, Martyn, Bigb, Timmy? Are you-” Pearl’s voice continued to shake, as she stared at him, face full of betrayal. 

“ Evo? ” He let out a dry laugh, glancing off to Mumbo, he looked… confused himself. “Pearl, I don’t know you, I- I would love to get to know you, but we’ve never met before. So, I’ll ask you again, how do you know about them? ” 

Pearl, somehow, froze even more, her eyes wide as they scanned Grian, searching desperately for an answer, an answer Grian didn’t have. Her mouth was agape, slow and silent breaths escaping as she stared at him.

“ What did they do to you? ” Her voice shook whilst it carried the waves of different emotions that sped through her mind. 

The words were quiet, yet they burned against his skin, poisoning him as they hit him. Grian’s blood froze in its place, his heart stopping as eyes watched him. His breathing became shallow as Pearl continued staring at him, waiting for him to do something? Grian didn’t understand what she wanted him to do. 

“I- You don’t remember?” Pearl whispered. Her face contorted with horror, disgusted by him. “I- Oh gods- ” Grian stepped back, glancing around as she fell to the ground, knees taking the brute force of the fall. 

Gem was crouched next to her, whispering something as choked sobs left Pearl’s throat.

“Pearl? Does it ring any bells, Griba?” Her voice still shook as she called out to him. Grian didn’t know what to do. “Pearl? C’mon, it’s me, Pearl, your sister- ” 

Grian took another step back, eyes wide and panicked, looking over at Mumbo before he turned and fled.

— — — 

Season eight had been going on for a week officially. 

It had been a week and Grian couldn’t ignore Pearl anymore. 

She was constantly everywhere, lurking in the shadows of his half finished house, hanging out with everyone just as he had plans with them.

Pearl wasn’t trying to avoid him. 

While he felt a slight pang of pity for the woman, he didn’t know if he could bring himself to talk to her yet.

To talk to his sister-

He shook his head, trying to shake the thoughts away, she was… lying. Pearl had to be lying about it, because if she wasn’t then he had a family. Then he had a family who he didn’t look for after all these years. He had a family and he didn’t remember them. 

“You okay, Grian?” Mumbo shifted in the nest, hand brushing against his wing. “You seem… lost.” 

Scar hummed beside him, “What you thinkin’ about, G?” 

Grian didn’t think as the words tumbled out of his mouth, “I shouldn’t have run.” 

Both his friends froze besides him, unsure if they were meant to respond or not. 

“I shouldn’t have run and I shouldn’t have avoided her.” He muttered, rolling onto him stomach, face in one of the many pillows.

A beat of thick tense silence passed before a reply was given.

“Grian, you just found out that you were a part of another server and that you have a sister. You had every right to react like that.” Mumbo’s voice was steady. It was nice.

He shifted, facing Mumbo. “I’ve been avoiding her for a week. ” His voice was harsh and blunt. Grian couldn’t bring himself to care in the moment, he had bigger problems. 

Scar sighed. “Maybe you shouldn’t have avoided her, but I’m sure she understands why you have, Grian.” Scar explained, “You know, I spoke to her earlier and she’s incredible. I mean, her building skills are brilliant! Less so on her directional skills, though.” Scar explained, huffing at the end. 

Mumbo gasped, nodding quickly. “Yeah, she tore down her house and repositioned it so it was facing the right way.” Grian couldn’t help but notice how the corner of his mouth tilted upwards, a warm fuzzy feeling in his stomach.

The quiet seemed to come back after the moment, leaving each one with the comfort of their own thoughts.

Grian just didn’t know what to think. 

Memories of their only conversation- that he remembered- kept playing through his head, guilt swirling in his stomach, mixing with the nausea that also came along when he thought about Pearl.

“Griba, I was there- with you on Evo. Me, you, Martyn, Bigb, Timmy?”

“Pearl? Does it ring any bells, Griba?” 

“Pearl? C’mon, it’s me, Pearl, your sister-” 

The desperation that clung to her voice stung him, stabbing him a little bit more every time he remembered it. The horrified look of realisation that Grian in fact did not remember whatever Pearl was talking about, that he didn’t remember her, his sister. The way the confusion swam away from her voice, filling with distress as she clung to the hope she once had. 

It made him sick. 

Not with Pearl, never with Pearl. Not after he had left her, abandoned her. Left her on a server with them. If anything he was sickened with himself.  

He had-

“Y’know she’s okay with waiting as long as you want, G.” Scar muttered, strumming his fingering through Grian’s messy feathers. He leant into the touch. 

He hummed. “I know. I know.” 

— — — 

It wasn’t hard to tell which build was Pearl’s. The building style was different, good, really good, but different. It made a nice change to the server. 

And maybe Mumbo and Scar weren’t lying about her tearing down her house and rebuilding it, he thought as he walking across patches of dead, crushed grass.

Now he just needed to find her, and not run away and put this off. 

He’d been avoiding her for two weeks now, if he waited any longer it would only make things worse.

Grian inhaled, the morning air was sharp and crisp, cooling his throat with an unpleasant burn.

As he went to step closer to the door, it swung open, someone standing in the entrance of the house. 

Grian couldn’t help but freeze up, unable to move under the still eyes of her, of Pearl.

She didn’t say anything either, the pair standing perfectly still, waiting for the other to move first.

After a few painful seconds, Pearl cleared her throat, snapping Grian out of whatever trance he had been thrown in. 

“I, uh, it’s good to see ya, Griba.” She hesitated before continuing, eyes shining with something Grian didn’t understand. “Are you… I’m not-” He didn’t let her finish stumbling over her words before he finally spoke.

“I-” He paused, “Are you busy? I think we should talk.” 

— — — 

Grian couldn’t ignore the way Pearl’s leg kept jumping up and down and up and down and up and down and up- Or the way her eyes were filled with hope or how the excitement radiated off of her body, infecting Grian with it, although it soon turned sour inside of him, flooding his system with dread. 

Because he really didn’t want to ruin what Pearl hoped he was.

He didn’t want to ruin who Pearl thought Grian was.

“I… I’m sorry.” He hated how small the words sounded. 

Pearl’s gaze shot up to him from the wooden floor they had previously been focused on. Her brows furrowed, mouth opening slightly. 

Grian continued before she could start, if he didn’t finish speaking now, he would never. 

“I shouldn’t have run. I- I panicked.” He lowered his gaze, scared to meet the others' eyes. “I’ve spent the past few years living thinking my family, if I even had one, was dead. Or gone. Or anything. Just not… here.” 

Pearl sighed, humming softly as he spoke. “I’m sorry as well. I shouldn’t have been so upfront with you. Or at least I should have figured something would be different with you. Not that it’s a bad thing! I don’t- You-” Grian chuckled as she stumbled on her words. She brightened at that, eyes softening. “I was just… I missed you. Everyone does. They- I haven’t told any of them about you being here yet. I wasn’t sure if you’d want me to.”

Grian stilled at the words. 

Everyone does.

People-

There were others he’d forgotten.

He’d forgotten other people.

“...Do you mind me asking about your memory or what happened?” She asked, stepping carefully around him, as if he were glass ready to shatter.

He hesitated, thinking it through. “I don’t remember anything before them. They took my memories, or put a block on them or something. I… What happened is a different story.” He settled on that as an explanation. He knew Pearl deserved more. And maybe he’d tell her everything one day. Maybe he would, but he wouldn’t today. He didn’t know if he could.

Pearl inhaled, “You don’t… Nothing? ” 

Grian just nodded, unsure if any words would actually come out. 

She went quiet, thinking for a moment. 

“I… Could you check if it’s a code block? Do you still have your admin controls? That’ll probably be a better starting point.” She asked. 

His what?

“I’m sorry- Admin controls? ” Grian spluttered, confused.

Pearl’s eyes widened as she doubled over, her laughter being covered up by her coughing intensely. 

“ Oh Grian- You- Yes, you were our admin on Evo.” She coughed, smiling.

He-

He was an admin.

He was his friends admin and he had left them-

“I left you all as your admin. ” 

Pearl snapped up to him, shaking her head. “Oh, Griba- You listen to me- No, no, you didn’t- You wouldn’t have done that willingly. You didn’t- They took you. You did what you could to survive and that’s all that matters.” 

Grian didn’t know if he believed her. 

He didn’t know if he really did.

But he would rather believe her than live in a pool of guilt and misery.

“I- I could tell you about them, if you want? About Jimmy, Martyn and Bigb.”

Grian didn’t…

He didn’t want to live these memories through Pearl’s worlds. 

He didn’t want to live through her words.

“If I did have my admin controls still, would I be able to remove a memory block?” 

Pearl tilted her head. “I, um, I suppose so? I don’t see why you wouldn’t be able to do so.” 

Grian nodded slowly.

Did he really want to do this?

Did he really want to see what they had done to him?

Grian hesitated before another wave of thought came along. 

Would he even be able to undo the code block if it had been created by them?  

They were famously unable to be touched by admins, their powers allowing the code unable to be changed once set in place. Other watches though…

“If I… I’m going to do something probably stupid. And I’ll probably regret it almost immediately.” He explained slowly. Pearl made a small confused noise, Grian didn’t address it. “I- Just don’t hate me, and I… I swear I’m not like them. ” He tried to laugh it off. It didn’t work. 

“I- What? Griba, I- Nothing could make me hate you-” 

Grian didn’t let her finish before he stopped listening. 

If he didn’t do it now, he wouldn’t do it.

Grian inhaled as his head was thrown back, his neck popping loudly against the soul crushing silence, and he looked.

One thing Grian had forgotten was how busy worlds were, especially servers. Every block having it’s own individual lines of unique code, all out in the open for him to see, to watch, to change.  

He shook those thoughts away. 

Now was not the time for them.

Grian wasn’t sure if he was breathing anymore, but if he was, he would have gasped as somehow more code flashed itself before his eyes, each strand trying to outshine the last, desperate for attention it would never receive. 

He ignored it all, trying to calm himself before he did it.

Before he looked down.

Looking at his own code was… odd. 

A part of him was appalled, he had seen what a players code looked like, the structure, what each component did and how it worked. But as he stared at his own, it was missing parts, vital parts at that. Chunks of him had been violently taken from him, replaced with wrongness, replaced with code that didn’t align with the other lines of it. It stood out painfully, a vibrant purple encasing each line of code unlike the other plain lines. 

But he wasn’t doing this for that.  

Grian tried to ignore his code, ignore the sickly feeling he felt as he rifled through his own code.

Until he found it.

Until he found the code block.

It wasn’t necessarily hard to do so, like he said, their code stood out like a sore thumb. That was the easy job. 

But he hesitated.

Grian hesitated as he stared at the code. 

If he destroyed this, he would be more like one of them. Because they destroyed code, they changed players' code and that’s what he was doing, wasn’t it?  

But the thoughts of knowing what caused that feeling of emptiness, of unknowing longing. The thought of having the hole in him filled, having his code back was enough for him to continued, to forget his previous worries.

Grian didn’t know how long he had spent picking apart the code, picking at each ling, teasing it away, careful to not damage any of the delicate and fragile code it had kept hidden. 

Until-

“So, Timmy, you know how I’m graduating soon?” 

Timmy nodded, scrolling mindlessly on his comm, not paying enough attention to him. He hummed. 

Grian frowned. “Well, I was going to ask if you’d like to hear about an idea I have for after I graduate.” 

That seemed to gain his attention.

“Tell me!” 

He chuckled before explaining his ideas.

The memory faded away, quickly replaced by another.

They were standing in a circle, Mini, Tom, Netty, Martyn, Salem, Timmy, Bigb, Zee and himself. All standing in a circle as he explained the server, as he explained Evo.

“-going to go through the updates every-”

“What’s up with that chicken behind you, Mini?” Netty cackled, her laughs echoing throughout the empty server. 

“There isn’t a chicken, what?” Martyn laughed. 

Netty walked over to Mini, pointing at the ghost chicken. 

Grian didn’t manage to catch the end of his sentence as a new memory pushed the old one out of the way.

He stood back, hands on hips as he observed his build, proudness radiating off of him. 

“What is it exactly?” 

He let out a small scream as he jumped back, away from the voice. 

“Jesus- You can’t sneak up on a man like that!” He huffed, “But, Bigb, it’s a summoning circle.” 

He waited for the man to reply. 

He didn’t for a while.

Before finally Bigb caved.

“I think you’ve gone insane.” 

Grian didn’t have time to process what had happened before it was gone, a new memory in it’s place.

“Everyone get a buddy!” He called out as the group stared on out to the portal. 

Grian wouldn’t admit it, but he was a little nervous about the sudden appearance of it. 

Bedrock couldn’t be placed or obtained. 

He didn’t want to think about it. 

“Salem, we’re buddies, okay?” 

Salem nodded, smiling before the group gazed down onto Mini. 

“Aww, Mini hasn’t got a buddy.” 

The memory was gone again. 

He hadn’t meant to annoy the Watchers. 

Okay, maybe that was a slight lie. 

He had wanted to inconvenience them, but he hadn’t thought they would react like this.

Obsidian was annoying to remove no matter where it was.

Especially when it covered all his chests.

It would be a long day.

His mind shifted into a new memory.

Pearlescentmoon fell from a high place.

He doubled over, laughed as his siter had been on the server for a total of five minutes. 

Five minutes and she’d already died. 

“Pearl!” 

She turned to face him, still a little out of it from the quick respawn. 

She brightened when she saw him, a smile on her face immediately. 

“Grian!”

The world blurred into the next.

Grian was just trying to fix some code.

It was a simple fix, or should have been, and he was a good admin if he did say so himself. Well, he had graduated top of his class from admin school.

But it wasn’t an easy fix. 

Because he was struggling.

Grian groaned as he shifted some code before it… disappeared. 

The code panels disappeared. 

What the fuck.

What the-

No, it was fine. It was fine.

He just needed to-

Grian froze as he couldn’t reach his control panels. 

He glanced to his comm, a message sprawled across the cracked screen.

Unknown command.

What the fuck-

What. 

The.

Fuck.

It shifted again.

“Are we all ready?” 

The group hummed in agreement, smiled on each members faces. 

“Wait, we should-”

Grian didn’t wait for Timmy to finished before he yelled out, “I’m going in!” Before he jumped into the end portal.

When Grian opened his eyes he was alone.

Alone in the end.

Alone.

The scene changed again and Grian didn’t know if had started breathing again or if he could.

The only thing Grian could think was shit. 

Well, he wasn’t sure if he could even think that, not with the pure terror pulsating throughout his body, the way his instincs were screaming at him in his mind.

“ You must pick, mortal. ” 

Grian did not want to look up at them, but he felt their magic pull his head up, his eyes meeting their mask. 

Grian had not imagined the watchers looking like that, to have the purple mist surrounding them, to have the masks covering their faces. The cloak the watchers wore were a deep purple and gray, hiding their bodies. Eyes- too many eyes- floated around them, creating a halo above the watchers.

“ Join us or let your server cave in with you all inside. ” The Watcher’s voice echoed through the empty abis of the end. 

Grian didn’t know if he could think of anything other than the images flashing through his mind. Images of his friends dying at his hands, of the server crumbling with them in. Images of him failing at protecting his players.

“You… My friends will be safe? If I take your deal.” 

The Watcher hummed. “ Your friends will see no harm. ” 

Grian took the Watcher’s hand.

He would take the world's suffering if it meant his friends were safe.

— — — 

Grian woke up fast. There was no stirring, no wondering if he was still asleep. None of it. 

He just… woke up. 

He woke up, eyes snapping open and one thing on his mind.

Pearl.

“You should lay back down, G. Doctors orders and all.” Mumbo’s voice was uneasy, like he was shocked Grian was awake.

He shook his head hastily, throwing his legs off the bed. 

“Woah, G, you were just unconscious, let’s take it-”

Grian throws his weight onto his legs, he ignores how they shake as he moves with determination.

He could rest later.

He could do it all later.

He could-

Grian yelped as his legs gave out, face planting the floor as Mumbo stood behind him.

“I saw that happening from a mile away.” Mumbo knelt down, wrapping his arm over Mumbo’s shoulders and Mumbo’s under Grian’s before he hoisted the man upright and back onto the bed. 

Grian didn’t fight Mumbo as he laid back onto the bed. 

“Now, do you need anything? I know X wants to ask you some stuff but that’s expected considering the… situation we found you in.” Mumbo explained, running a hand through his hair. It had seen better days, it was thick and greasy, matching the bags that hung under Mumbo’s eyes. 

Grian wondered just how long he’d been asleep for.

Instead of asking the man this, his voice betrayed him, asking for something else.

“ Pearl- Where is she?” 

Or, that’s what he wanted to say. 

It came out raspy as he became painfully aware at how dry his throat was. The words were pushed together, slurred as he spoke, energy depleting 

“Oh, uh, I can message her, she was here earlier but I think X wanted to talk to her aswell.” 

As if on cue, the door opened.

Grian pretended he wasn’t slightly disappointed when Xisuma walked in, closing the door behind him quickly before letting Mumbo exit the room, leaving the pair in a silence as Xisuma grabbed a chair, dragging it next to the bed.

Xisuma sat there, head in his hands, quiet for a moment before he finally looked up at him. And maybe it was better when Xisuma wasn’t looking at him because even through the helmet he wore, Grian could feel the disappointed stare.

Boy was he excited for this talk.

“I… Grian, you, of all players on this server, should know that code is fragile. So incredibly fragile.” Xisuma shakily inhaled, still looking at him. Grian did not meet the man’s eyes. “You… I don’t… I’m at a loss for words, in complete honesty.” 

Grian didn’t want to lie and say he felt guilty for what pressure or anxiety he had caused for his admin. While, yes, he did feel bad, but not guilty. Because if he were in the same position again, Grian wouldn’t hesitate before doing it again.

“Code is delicate, especially player code. I know you know this, that you understand the weight of these words because you told me in season six. So you know this. Which leads me to my first question. Why on earth were you touching player code?” Xisuma wasn’t normally angry, but today must be special as his words bled with anger. And this time, Grian knew it was directed at him. 

 Grian didn’t know if he could respond, unsure if any sound would come out of his mouth or if the words would come out but they’d be wrong.

Grian knew taking the chance would be better than annoying the voidwalker further though.

“I was trying to get rid of it.” He rasped out, throat almost like sandpaper as he spoke, words grating against it. When was the last time he had drank something?

Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything because he had said the wrong thing to an angry voidwalker.

“Maybe I miss heard you there, G, because it sounded like you were trying to change someone’s code.” He paused, inhaling. "I... I understand you wouldn't do ti without reason but why?"

When Xisuma put it like that it sounded much worse.

“No- I was trying to get rid of them. I don’t-” 

“What do you mean by them, Grian?” Xisuma’s tone had shifted. “Grian are they on the server?” 

He shook his head. “ No- I… In my code, there was a code block.” 

Xisuma's tone shifted again, angry. This time Grian couldn’t tell if it was directed at him or not. “ What. A- A code block. There was a code block, and you did it yourself? ”

Grian shrunk in on himself. “I didn’t know what else to do. It would have been too strong for you to destroy. I’m sorry.” He didn’t try putting in the energy. He was so tired.

“Oh- Grian- ” He shifted himself, moving closer to Grian, the man reached forward, placing his hand on top of Grian’s. “I need you to listen to me when I say this, I will always be here for you. No matter what. Okay, you hear me?” 

He just nodded slowly. 

“I-” 

Before anyone could say anything the door slammed open.

Pearl stood there, breathing heavily.

No words were exchanged for a moment, an awkward silence before Grian snickered at the sound of his friends voice.

“I tried,” Mumbo paused, panting for air, “-to stop her-” 

Xisuma huffed softly, “It’s fine, we were finishing up anyways.” He explained before he stood up. 

Pearl walked in slowly, closing the door behind Xisuma.

She stepped closer to him slowly, waiting for Grian to nod. Once he did, she sat herself next to him on the bed. 

“ I’m sorry- ” 

Pearl shook her head. “No- Gods no, Griba don’t you dare apoligise.” 

“No, you don’t- I left you all- I saw it-” 

Beside him Pearl froze, glancing at him, “What do you mean you saw it?” 

“I- The code block- I broke it.” 

She didn’t say anything, staring at him for a moment. 

Then she crashed into him, wrapping her arms around him as tight as she could. Maybe, if it were anyone else, Grian would have objected. But he didn’t. In response, Grian wrapped his wings around her, protecting her, protecting his sister.

“You aren’t… You aren’t lying?” She sounded hopeful. Grian just shook his head. “Oh, oh- ” She made a sound that was far too wet, full of saliva, it was gross but vulnerable. 

Something that just felt right.  

It felt right to be like this with Pearl. 

It felt right to be like this with his sister.  

— — —