Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

   In any scenario, this would never have been what you expected. Where the galaxy was once peaceful, ranging from trade federations and civil duties, a General was not a title you expected to have bestowed. War was ugly, in any situation. It took and took until there was nothing left to take, drowning out anything worth gazing upon with a gentle eye. It festered, like a plague, feeding people fear and anger. How was war not considered hypocrisy? If you pledged yourself a peacekeeper, would that not mean that you should be uninvolved? That you too would be a hypocrite of a broken system?

   Or, did that mean you should be, no matter the cost? If you're told to keep the peace, would that mean putting down your morals for the greater good of the galaxy? The greater good of the people? Innocents, men, women and children, dying at the hand of tyrants for political gain. Would that not be justifiable in the use of necessary force? Hate was a strong word, one you'd never use if you couldn't help it. But hating what your life had become was a valid excuse for using the word. You could hate what you had to do, what was expected of you, but never another. No, hate could not be bore on another life, for that was inexcusable.

   All beings should be suited for forgiveness, no matter the cost of their actions. Even if it tore you up from the inside out, personal vendetta's were sin. To sin against the Order would mean personal treason; it would mean forsaking the oath you took. But hate was powerful, even if it led you down a damaged path. We were all heading down a path we should not follow, but who would admit to that? Who had the power to say it was right or wrong? We were no Gods, no creators that placed the life in droplets to the galaxy.
No. We were keepers of the peace. A peace that's time was up.

-

   The cold and gleaming walls of the Venator seemed so fascinating at one point. Now, they only reminded those who walked among them that they were anything but that. I never much cared for the lavish expenditures the Senate tried to force onto the Jedi, I was merely doing my duty the Order placed me into. Commanding such a vast ship with so many men that were willing to fight and die for the Republic was never an easy thought to get past. Death and destruction was avoidable, it always was, but we chose this, didn't we.

   The sound of the turbo lift reaching the corridor I stood in rang in my ears, the gentle whirring coming to a stop as the door slid open with a 'hiss'. My boots thudded gently against the durasteel floor as I took my place inside of the turbo lift, my gloved hands folding behind my back. I only assumed there were more issues for me to attend to, issues only 'I' could right. Commander Jax met me on the bridge, saluting me as I passed by, giving him a soft dip of my chin in turn, "General. The blockade was weakened, but we still haven't broken through. Your orders?" Jax spoke, falling into step with me as we neared the holotable.

   The holo table lit up with said blockade over the planet of Jarium, little pin points and dashes drawing out where the blockade was weakened or still stood. I crossed my arms over my chest, my head tilting slightly as I squinted at the picture. Half of the time, I had no idea how to create a battle plan or mark our formations, I was a Jedi, not a war hero. I pointed to the eastern point of the blockade, "And what of the round about? Instead of head on, we come up from under them?" Jax looked at me, and then to where my finger pointed to. He was very opinionated, he would put me in my place ten times over if he had to.

   In his three years under my command, challenged me more times than he actually just listened and followed orders. "With all due respect, General, we simply do not have the man power to elicit such an attack. We'd be going in blind," He countered, shaking his head gently. This was one of those instances where I didn't really have any better plan of action, other than to confer with the Council. "What option do we have, Jax? This blockade needs to be broken through within the next rotation or we lose the planet," I argued, my hands resting on my hips as I turned to face him.

   He gave me a look, and then uncounted silence. I couldn't help but worry, he never had nothing to say, never didn't have an argument on the tip of his tongue. I realized his silence wasn't because of not knowing, but because he had a plan I would not like. My brows furrowed as I watched him turn towards the holo again, his lips setting into a firm line. I wished the misconceptions about Jedi being able to read minds was true, because I would've done so to Jax a million times already. I disliked his silence, he was always stewing inside of his constantly working brain.
   

   Finally, he let out a breath before looking to me, "You know who we should be calling in, General.." I frowned, yes, I knew immediately who he was referring to. Not that I had an issue with the group whatsoever, just one of them in particular. The question was, did I want to be undermined by a group of hotheaded defective Clones? I couldn't refuse, I knew we were in trouble, and our best bet was an inside mission, and my men were not suited for such. I waved a hand at him, a silent begrudging approval. Jax didn't seem to be so pleased with his own idea, but him and I both knew it was our best bet.

   I stood silently as I looked out the view port, down at Jarium as we hovered over the planet. I was sure we would be successful with our called in help, but my pride would be severely wounded. It was only an hour or so before a proximity alarm rang out, a modified Omicron-class attack shuttle puffing out of the endless void from hyperspace, hissing down towards the planet below. The group of misfits had arrived.

-

   Orders. How was it so hard to follow simple orders. The mission was completed, and swiftly, but at the cost of more resources than I intended using. Jax stood beside me in the hangar bay, a bead of sweat forming on his lip. Jarium was recovered, and while the Senate and Council were pleased, I was not. Jax was aware of that, and begged me not to blow my lid. How could I not? They blew a whole through half of the city, damaging a city I was in charge to ensure safe keeping. The worst part was, I knew exactly who was responsible for this fiasco.

   He always found a way in getting under my skin, undermining my authority, and showing the utmost disrespect to me. My jaw tensed further upon watching the five men step down the ramp, walking towards Jax and I. I had to remember that I was only enraged at one of them, not all of them, even though they all had gone off script. I actually was quite fond of the group when they were actually using common sense, but even that seemed to elude the sharpshooter. He met my glare, his helmet tucked under his arm loosely, a lazy smirk attached to his lips.
   

I never used the word 'hate', but for him, I could make an exception despite my oath. I hated Crosshair, loathed him with every fiber in my being. Hunter had told me long ago to not let him get under my skin, but time and time again he never failed to royally piss me off. Wrecker beamed at me, waving excitedly to greet me to which I couldn't help but let my lips twitch at. I sighed in silent defeat, turning my attention away from the sharpshooter to the rest of the squad, "Looks like you guys saved the day. Once again," I spoke, crossing my arms loosely as I brought my attention to Hunter. He gave me a soft shrug of his shoulders, his lips quirking up slightly, "Just doing our duty, General."

   "Any excuse to blow things up!" Wrecker cut in, causing Hunter to let out a sigh. Tech looked up from his data pad briefly, "'Blowing things up' was not part of the mission, Wrecker. We were explicitly told not to—" "Why does it matter?" Crosshair growled out, stepping towards us. He still gave me that condescending look, as if challenging me to bite back, "We completed the mission, as the General asked us to." My finger nails dug into the palms of my hands, my body growing hot with rage once again. Jax cleared his throat from beside me, trying to break up the inevitable argument from ensuing.

   I huffed, squinting up at Crosshair through my glare, "You completed it on your own volition," He let out a grunt of annoyance, his lips curling into a sneer, but Echo pushed him back, shaking his head. Hunter gave me a look, to which it meant a silent plea to not feed into his argumentative behavior. I turned my gaze to Hunter, "And you blew a hole through the city. I asked for a quiet infiltration of the blockade, not bombs." I finished, crossing my arms over my chest in disappointment. Hunter merely scratched the back of his neck, "Sorry about that, General. Things got a bit out of hand and we got carried away."

   "Carried away?" I blurted, giving him an incredulous look, "There are civilians down there with no homes now!" "Then why call us in if you wanted it done differently?" Crosshair snapped, shoving past Echo, "We got it done. Why complain about how it was completed," I gritted my teeth together, shoving my finger in his chest, "Complain?! I gave you orders. It would do you well to learn how to follow them." He swatted my hand away, as if he was offended that I even got remotely close to touching him. Tension was high between the squad and I, which wasn't necessarily a rare occurrence. I don't know what I expected, I should've known better.

   "Maybe you should get out on the frontlines for once instead of picking everyone else to fight your battles, Jedi," He bit back, his tone dripping with venom. There was the disrespect to my authority. If he called me by my rank, it was out of sarcasm, but most of the time, he only ever referred to me as what I was. Hunter came between us, pushing Crosshair back from me while Jax grabbed hold of my bicep, tugging me back from him, "General.. Let's just get the debriefing over with," Jax muttered to me quietly, to which I pulled my arm from his grasp and turned on my heel, leaving the hangar bay.

   No one was happier than me to see the Batch Crosshair leave. I was frustrated beyond belief from that stunt they pulled, but couldn't help but blame myself partly. I had given the approval to allow Clone Force 99 into the mission, which I never should have in all honestly. While I cared for the group of clones, I simply could not handle my temper with the sharpshooter. I forgot how our silent shared hatred for one another even started, but I knew I had every reason to feel the way I did. I was generally a pretty carefree, unorthodox and overall easygoing person. Where this unexplainable rage came from when I was around him was unlike me.

   Maybe if he had been more compliant, I wouldn't have to yell at him every time I saw him. Of course, he would never allow himself to 'bow down at my feet' as he so says. He respected everyone else, but me. Even Anakin, and Anakin had more of a temper when things weren't going his way. I had thought for a long time that he acted the way he did because he hated being told what to do by a woman, but that wasn't the case either. In fact, he was a gentleman to every other woman except me.

   I did face repercussions despite the win on Jarium due to what had happened with the city. I see now that if I wanted something done, I should just do it myself. But time passes slowly when you're in the depths of endless space with nothing to do other than look over the bridge. Recent talks of the war coming to a close had been getting louder, which had only ensued more chaos. I didn't think the rumors were true, no, they couldn't be when I was standing in a war vessel traveling through hyperspace to yet another Separatist inhabited planet.

-

   The gala hall was incredibly packed, the bodies of elegant jewels and drinks was an endless sea. I stood out from their flashy colors of silk and tulle, my bland black robes a woolen material. I didn't care much for the clothing, nor what I looked like. No one cares who you are when you're merely there to oversee the security for an event. Anakin and Rex were floating around somewhere, which is why I was sent as well to actually keep my eyes open. If Padmè Amidala was in the room, Anakin was right beside her. And wherever Anakin was, Obi-Wan wasn't far behind. Jax was at the forefront of the hall, checking for weapons as anyone entered.

   For Clone Force 99's stunt on Jarium two months ago, I had them assigned to guard duty. Wrecker complained about not being able to blow anything up, Tech didn't really seem to care, in which he never does. Hunter and Echo simply did as they were told, a mission was a mission regardless. The sharpshooter, however, wasn't in sight. I expected that, of course, he liked to keep a distance from everything, his enhanced eye sight giving him the ability to do so. I was fine with him being out of my sight and as far away as possible, an argument would only ensue.

   My fingers crinkled within my gloves, the warmth of the hall creating a light sweat on my heavily covered body. I preferred sweating only if I was actually doing something, not standing around. A security detail was not the best use of my skills in anyway, except for in Crosshair's words, 'I only ever stood around and did nothing anyway'. I almost scoffed aloud at my thoughts, my gaze once again flickering over the crowd of rich people and Senators. I lost track of how long I'd actually been standing there, the hours seeming to tick by so slowly.

   "You're looking a little wary, General," A gravelly voice broke out over the comm link on my left forearm. My jaw tensed, my clasped hands only growing tighter. He was watching me instead of surveying the area, like he was told. I don't even know why I bothered trying to tell him what to do, it wasn't like he would listen anyway. I unfolded my hands, turning slightly before I tapped my finger to the channel button, "Use your eyes for something useful, would you?" I didn't hear anything for a moment, probably because he was basking in knowing I couldn't see him.

   "So angry already? I haven't even done anything yet," He replied, a hint of condescension in his tone. He was willing to enrage me in any scenario, and why? Probably some deranged part of his brain that likes being an asshole for fun. "It makes me uncomfortable, stop looking at me," I muttered, my gaze slowly traveling around to pinpoint his location. Again, Jedi misconceptions foretold that we could also find anyone, anywhere. Lie, I could feel him, but only because we were in the same vicinity. Nothing again for a moment again, but I could practically feel his stewing going on.

   It almost seemed like he didn't have a response for me, which surprised me. I was woefully wrong. "Uncomfortable? Then I will continue to do so, General," He responded after the pregnant silence, his tone deep and raspy, almost as if he were to be obeying an order. The warmth of the hall didn't help with his response, my face heating out of annoyance and discomfort. Why was it that he couldn't leave me be? I didn't understand how his mind worked in any way. He either teased me, argued with me, or gave me a simple glare. I tried not to feed into it, like Hunter suggested, but Crosshair was a force to be challenged.

   "Piss off," I hissed out quietly, leaving my spot on the wall to make a round around the hall. He was enjoying this, only further proving that he was the most defective one in his squad. To be fair, our 'game' was quite childish, but he started it. Just like he was starting it now. "That language doesn't belong on your lips, Jedi," He growled out. I ignored that comment, silently making my rounds. My gaze landed on Rex, and I gave him a silent dip on my chin, acknowledging him.

   Besides Jax, Rex was probably one of my favorite troopers. He was respectful, a gentleman, and attentive. There was no boredom where Rex was concerned, regardless of his professionalism. "General," He greeted, giving me a quick salute. I smiled softly, "Rex. Fun night, hm? I hope you're not too bored without all the blaster fire." He chuckled softly in response and I stepped in to stand at his side. "It's nothing like the field, Sir.. A change of pace is nice every so often," He spoke, glancing over to me. I nodded, looking around before leaning in to speak quietly, "I think these events are bantha dung. Too many politicians in one place."

   Rex shrugged and glanced sideways at me with a slight smirk, "Not much for parties, General?" I shook my head, "Absolutely not. And this seems to be a terrible combination." Politicians and parties were a great way to get a quick headache, unless you were me and had a snappy sharpshooter to worry about. Rex and I chatted for the better part of the rest of the hour before I moved on, ignoring the burning gaze in the back of my head. "Have a good chat?" He snapped, and I cupped my hand over the comm. I steered around a column, putting it up to my mouth, "Seriously? What is your deal?"

   Silence, a long silence actually. I didn't make the same mistake as last time and doubt a response from him. "Apologies, General, you stated that we couldn't get distracted. I was just reminding you," He replied smugly. I shut my eyes and let out a slow breath through my nose, trying to decide on whether or not I wanted to respond to this imbecile. "You do understand a comm link is meant for communicating about the mission, right?" I replied, choosing not to indulge in his nonsense.

   "I can use it how I please. If that means riling you up, that's how i'll use it," He responded. Seriously? I scoffed to myself, "Do you usually have a stick up your ass, or were you born with it?" I was done playing his petty back and forth games. If he wanted fire, I would burn him ten times over. "Watch your mouth, Jedi. Perhaps it would be better suited for something else," His tone was dark. I could feel the venom in each syllable, but that wasn't what bothered me. His implication was crude in every sense, making my hands sweat more so than they already were.

   How was I even supposed to respond, other than with silence? Silence from me would mean backing down, and even if it meant that I was being childish, I didn't care. "You'd be better suited for Gundark food you imbecile," I spat. I didn't hear anything from him after that, and I don't think it was because of my response. I finished out the rest of the long, draining night, idly standing by until the last guests had left. I bid my goodbyes to Anakin and Obi-Wan, Rex as well before I joined back with Jax, leaving to our transport.

   The Batch was waiting for us when we arrived, and I avoided eye contact with the sharpshooter. "I hope you all had fun doing nothing," I spoke, folding my hands in front of me. Hunter gave me a small smirk, "It won't happen again, General." I hummed, glancing at the squad as I began to turn away, "Yes.. but I don't believe that," I replied, casting one last glare at the sharpshooter before turning my attention to my transport, Jax and I loading on without further word. I sat quietly as we travelled back to my cruiser, Crosshair's words cycling through my head nonstop. I knew one thing from the entire experience.
I hated him, plain and simple.

-

   "Cover me!" A explosion ripped out from beside me just ten meters away, causing me to lose my footing, stumbling a few feet before my stride lengthened. Nothing could ever just be clean cut, not with Clone Force 99 around. I dodged another blaster bolt, swinging my left saber around in a circle. Lintham was cold and unforgiving, the winds causing blaster fire to wipe across the battlefield astray. The 501st and 287th hustled around the field, pushing the blockade. So much for me just standing around and doing nothing, right?

   My blades cut through the dusty air, swiping blaster fire away as I continued onward. I remember being told once that I was 'too expensive' to be put on the frontlines, I bet you could guess who said that. My time was precious and more often than not, I spent it in meetings or on the bridge of my cruiser. While I wasn't a negotiator like Obi-Wan, I demanded respect in my composure. I drove my right blade up through the center of a B1 battle droid, swinging it outward as I pulled it away.

   It felt good to be out on the field after so long, I didn't get much action anymore. While I didn't mind not being shot at, I didn't appreciate feeling like I was being set aside while everyone else got to do the hard work. Clone Force 99 wasn't in sight, which was okay for me. I didn't need another headache from the unconventional approach to battle. Though, a blue blaster bolt whizzed past my head, hitting a B1 directly in the head, sending it to the ground. I felt my irritation rise, knowing whose shot that was.

   It didn't matter than he was the best shot in the Republic, he did that to let me know he was here, watching. I dove forward to avoid another missile, ducking down into a roll. I rolled to a crouching position, surveying my surroundings. "Did you miss me?" A voice crackled over the comm. I rolled my eyes, standing to my feet and tapping the comm button, opening my end of the channel, "No, not really." I spun my blades around once more, deflecting more awry blaster fire. I turned around, sensing another approaching B1, but it was sniped in the side of the head, its head jerking sharply to the right.

   "How touching," He responded. I rolled my eyes, "Quit it. I don't need your help." I swung my blades again. "We wouldn't want anything to happen to you, right, princess?" He spoke, his tone sarcastic. I gritted my teeth hard, spinning into a barrel flip, my blades cutting around, severing the head off of another B1. "Must you always be so unprofessional?" I growled out. All I heard was a soft sound of his minimal laughter, further fueling my irritation. He was distracting me when I needed my full focus. It was like he was trying to get me shot— ah, jinxed it.

   I let out a pained grunt as a shot grazed the back of my arm, causing me to stumble forward. I didn't bother to check it, swinging my right blade around to deflect more blaster fire. Thankfully, he had nothing to say about it, but one of my men from the 287th came to ensure my health was still well. It was brief but I brushed him off, ignoring the feeling of singed skin. While Crosshair's silence was unexpected, his aid to me didn't cease. He took out the B1 that had hit me. Good, I hoped he felt bad for distracting me in a lethal environment.

   The fighting waged on for hours more, but we came out victorious. Our losses weren't too high, and the blockade was wiped. I met with Jax, who pestered me about my wound. I'd get it checked later, I wasn't a high priority, not when there were men who needed serious aid. I sent Jax off to help get our injured off the field, silently making my way to my transport. Among the mess, the Marauder touched down, dust flying up from the ion engines power. I strayed from my path to go and get a word with Hunter.

   He met me at the end of the ramp, the others offloading after him. We just exchanged a few words before they decided to set off, but not before asking if I needed a ride back up to my cruiser. I obliged, entering the Marauder whilst everyone got situated in the cockpit. I sat down at the work bench, pulling my left arm across my chest to try and examine my wound. "Looks painful," A voice spoke, causing me to turn my gaze to the source. I sighed, looking away from him and back to my wound, flicking the singed fabric from the sleeve of my robes out of the way.

   He didn't seem to bristle at my nonverbal response, shuffling around with something before approaching me. He came to my side, grabbing hold of my shoulder. I narrowed my eyes up at him, "Hey, what—" but a cooling sensation washed over my wound, the burn fading away into a dull ache. He was spraying it with bacta, he was.. being generous? I let him finish, my gaze following him as he walked away to put the spray back into the kit. I frowned, looking away from him. Now, the right thing to do would be to say thank you, for multiple things.

   ‘Thank you for covering me, thank you for the bacta, but also fuck you for yapping at me in the middle of a shoot out’. I decided against it, silently brooding to myself for not having a response to give. He sat down and silently started pulling apart his sniper, assumably to clean it. I tried to keep myself from watching, but he'd never been so silent before. It was unnerving in a way, how he didn't have something to complain about. It was even more odd that I didn't hate being in the same vicinity as him. I cleared my throat, "Thanks," I spoke weakly.

   That gave him pause, but his eyes didn't lift more than the floor. He grunted in response, continuing his task. He was hard to read, always had been. He had this wall put up in his mind that I wouldn't dare knocking on. I could, if I truly wanted to, but I wasn't invasive. I wouldn't go poking around where I didn't belong if I didn't have to. That didn't mean that I wasn't curious, though. What was going through his mind? Why was he the way he was? I knew I'd never know, and that made me anxious.

   "How does it feel?" He spoke suddenly. I paused, looking up at him. He didn't look at me, just continued working on his rifle. How did what feel? My wound? My pride? Was he asking a condescending question or was he being genuine? He scoffed, shaking his head, "Never mind." My brows furrowed, he was being genuine. "It's fine. Feels great," I responded. His gaze lifted slightly, his brow quirking at my answer. 'Feels great' probably wasn't a very good answer, but it fell out of my mouth before I could think.

   "You distracted me," I spoke once more, pulling my arm over my chest to look at my wound once more. "I know," He responded. No, 'Sorry, General. I know I was being an inconsiderate asshole'? I chose to bite my tongue, dropping my arm. My hands folded in my lap, my fingers curling inside of my gloves. The silence was unsettling, I hated sitting in silence. I think I might've preferred arguing with him instead of this. This felt too docile, too.. domestic. This was unlike him.

   Under his cold, nonchalant demeanor, there was a trace of guilt. Did he feel guilty for what happened? It was merely a scratch, even if I was pissed at him for it. I'm a Jedi, I should've been more attentive instead of letting petty words pull be from my objective. He looked anxious despite his focus on the weapon, why? The ship rumbled as it touched down, and I immediately stood, brushing down my robes. Hunter walked back out, opening the ramp for me. I gave him a slight dip of my chin, exiting down the ramp.

   I didn't get far before I felt his gaze on me, causing me to stop in my tracks. I didn't turn, simply waiting for whatever snarky comment he'd leave me off with. But he hesitated, and I started to turn. "Get it looked at," He spoke, approaching me slowly. As I fully faced him, his hand came up to move the fabric out of the wound once more. My eyes stared at him in shock, wide in confusion. I didn't have anything to say, which was fine because he spoke for me.

   "Until next time, General," He spoke quietly, his gaze flicking up to meet mine before he turned away, loading back onto the Marauder. I stood there in silence as I watched the ships ramp fold up, the ship lift off and out of the hangar bay. He wasn't being sarcastic. He was being genuine.
I didn't know if that concerned me, or enraged me.

Chapter Text

   The end of the war. Everything we'd been fighting for could come to a close within the rotation. With Count Dooku dead at Anakin's hand, General Grievous was all that remained of Separatist leadership. The 287th and I were currently stationed on Argiam, a cold mountainous planet. We were eliminating the last of a Separatist division, clearing the planet for Republic territory. The mission was clean cut, and there was nothing more than to wipe out whatever remaining B1's and super droids left over.

   When all was said and done, Jax and I and five others from my battalion stood up on the catwalk, the troopers angling an antenna to redirect signals to Republic ships. Beneath the catwalk was a vast valley surrounded by snow capped mountains. While the wind was rough at this height, nothing could ruin my good mood. Jax jogged over to me, a smile on his usual firm expression, "General, we've just received word of General Grievous' death on Utapau." I looked up at him, blinking a few times in disbelief. Then a smile tore out onto my lips.

   The war was over, and the galaxy could go back to how it was, however, his comm beeped again, and I waved him off, "Go on. Celebrate." He gave me a salute and smile, walking off to his brothers. What would become of the clones now that the war was over? There was no need for soldiers any longer, and planetary systems would reject Republic occupations now that they weren't necessary. What would become of my life? I hardly remember a time when we weren't at war, even if it only lasted three and a half years. There was plenty of diplomacy to do with the former Separatist planets, but wouldn’t that ultimately fall to the Senate?

   I let out a slow breath, letting my eyes shut as I let the chilled breeze wash over me. It gave me goosebumps, in a good way. The Force was oddly silent, which felt pleasant in a way. It felt like peace had settled over the galaxy once more. Upon opening my eyes though, I felt anxiety pit itself in the base of my stomach. A tingling sensation flushed down my spine, my hands growing damp despite the temperature. The trilling noise the Force emitted in my head only seemed to grow louder, more desperate.

   I turned slowly, the trill growing louder, the pit feeling heavier. Jax and the men were facing me, and in a moment of silence, I felt it. Deception. It had been the calm before the storm, and I was caught in the middle of it. Time moved in slow motion, Jax raising his arm and pointing at me. My hands snatched the hilts from my belt, the yellow beams igniting as the first blaster bolts surged towards me. I had never felt such betrayal before, and I couldn't even see the faces of the men who were doing it. Just their cold, expressionless visors boring into my soul.

   I killed them, injured Jax, swiping his blaster away with a flick of my fingers. His breaths were ragged, his arm desperately outstretched for his blaster. I pulled it towards me, the cold metal of the weapon seeped through my gloved hands. I flicked the blasters stun safety on, pointing it at him. My cheeks were wet, my hand shaking with the blaster. "I won't kill you.. I can't," I whimpered, pinching my eyes shut, the tears escaping faster. He didn’t let up, trying to scramble for another weapon. 

   The Force felt cold, a thousand cries and deaths flooded my being. They were crying out for help, for their lives to be spared. They were ignored, and then their cries went silent. My finger twitched over the trigger, a strangled noise emitting from my chest. There were more coming, and I had to assume that my fate would be sealed if I didn't act. I silently mouthed out a 'goodbye', pulling the trigger. The blaster fell from my hand, and I stumbled backwards, turning on my heels and charging down the catwalk. 

   I hurdled into my fighter, pulling down the windshield and priming the engines. My tears hadn't ceased, my hands trembling as I flipped the navigation computer on along with the shields. I pulled back on the handles, lifting my fighter up and into the sky. I puffed out of the atmosphere, tapping in random coordinates, and disappeared into hyperspace.

-

   A month had passed since I was horridly betrayed by my most trusted companions, Lynniam was occupied. My fighter was sold the moment I touched down, I received the bare minimum for it. Being caught with it meant my life, and with my identity attached to the Jedi fighter, I wasn't left with any other options. That meant I had to rely on public transportation while it was still accessible. The problem was that it wasn't, due to the Imperial occupation on Lynniam. Chain codes were assigned to the civilians, along with a transfer of Republic credits to Imperial ones. 

   That meant I also couldn't use my money for anything, due to that snake paying me in invalid currency. Refurbishing the credits would cost me too much, so I'd have to bide my time here for as long as I could. I burned my robes and stole civilian garments, hid my lightsabers in an abandoned building under the floorboards. As far as anyone knew, I was an immigrant from the lower levels of Coruscant who finally scrounged up enough credits to get the hell out. It was a far cry from the truth, but this was the way things were now.

   It was surprising to learn about the many different opinions on the Jedi, now that they were being slaughtered. They blamed the chaos with the Empire on the Jedi, they called us traitors, scorned the signet in the town square. The Jedi were a bygone era that was tainted in under a day. Accused of trying to assassinate the Chancellor, now Emperor, was an outlandish accusation. But people place blame wherever they can, just to have an answer. My name was on a long list of traitors, a heavy reward for my death or capture.

   I was in a pit, a pit of never ending sorrow. The stars above seemed to be dimmed now, casting a shadow over me every step I took. I felt the light die out a little bit every time it was found, their screams ending sharply. I felt myself dying more and more on the inside everyday I went, avoiding the patrols and innocent civilians being battered. I was no peace keeper, we failed at that. I was a coward, hiding under my hood like it was actually going to protect me. My heart ached in a way I never thought possible, my most trusted comrades tried to shoot me.

   We were never meant to win this war, we were always destined to fall. Maybe we were hypocrites, maybe we were simply too blind to the plot happening right under our feet. What I knew was that I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve to live when so many others didn't. I wasn't the strongest Jedi, nor was I the smartest. I was lackluster at best, rarely on the frontlines, always a cruiser princess. I nearly scoffed aloud at my description, it sounded like something Crosshair would've called me. 

   They implemented conscripted soldiers, who were less ideal than the Clone troopers in my opinion. They didn't have the same mental capacity, and they held fear unlike the Clones. I suppose that worked in my favor, though it was still disappointing. I entered my homestead, which was no home, just an abandoned building. The floors rotted out and the ceiling had a leak from the constant rain here. I tossed my sack down, pulling my rain soaked hood back. My stomach churned in a fit from the hunger. I lived off of uncooked non perishables, which was better than nothing.

   I sat down, shuffling through the sack until I found the packaged jerky, tearing it open with my teeth. I tossed the wrapper aside, ripping the jerky with my teeth, chewing. The taste was salty but bland at the same time, dry and unsatisfying. I leaned my head back against the wall, letting a slow breath out of my nose. I had been belittled into this rat, scavenging for scraps. Few people here accepted old Republic credits, so I paid more for less. It was a culture shock, I lived like everybody else in the galaxy. In poverty.

   Eventually, I laid out my cloak and rested upon it, rustling in between a conscious and subconscious state. It wasn't until the moons were at their highest that I heard the door rocking gently. I shot up straight, my hand grabbing the blaster i'd stolen earlier in the week. I stood quietly, hanging sharp around a wall. My hand shook as I flipped the safety off, listening intently. When the door swung open, it knocked against the wall, the cool damp air rushing in. I felt paralyzed in place, my heart hammering against my rib cage. 

   I was done for, this was the moment I died. It was all for nothing, It wasn't as if I had earned the right to, not when so many others deserved it more than me. The floorboards creaked, and my grip on my blaster tightened. Too afraid to shoot, too afraid to run. Coward enough to stand there and take it. I wasn't listening to the Force, and it was screaming at me. Danger, fear, agony, darkness. It all pressed down on my consciousness, keeping me from seeing the truth. The truth was that I belonged in the ground. I wouldn't go down without at least trying, though. 

   I shot out from the cover of the wall, surging forward. I planted my foot into the figures chest, sending him crashing backwards onto the ground. I aimed my blaster at him, my finger twitching over the— "Wait. Just— calm down. Let me—" He spoke. I knew that voice, it was a clone. His hands moved up towards his hood, tossing it off and my heart stilled. It was Rex. My blaster trembled even more as I took a step back. He was here to kill me, this was deception. He held his hands up complacently, his soft brown eyes staring into mine. His features softened despite me holding a weapon at his face.

   "I thought you were dead," He spoke softly. My lips twitched, my eyes beginning to sting, "Have you come to kill me, then?" His eyes widened, "No.. No I came to find you.. To help you—" "Help me?" I cut him off, letting out a sharp breath, "Jax, my men, they—" I shook my head, my grip firming up, "How did you find me?" He slowly pushed himself up to his feet, his hands still raised, "I had help. There's chips— inside of all the Clones heads. Fives tried to warn us.. but we didn't listen.." I stepped back. "As for finding you, it wasn't easy. We had suspicions you were still alive so I tracked down your last known whereabouts until it led me here," He finished. 

   My brows furrowed, "We?" He nodded, "A few resistance fighters, I mean. I've helped organize a camp for displaced fugitives." Resistance fighters? My anxiety had calmed down from his complacency, my blaster slowly lowering, "It's.. all of the clones..?" His expression turned grim and he simply nodded in confirmation. "And why not you?" I questioned. He pointed to a spot on the side of his head where the hair wasn't as long, "I had mine removed." I let my arm hang at my side, my blaster limply held in my fingers. I let it fall to the ground, my left hand coming up to palm my forehead, letting out a breath. "Fuck. I'm sorry I just.." I tried off, turning sideways from him.

   "I know.. I'm sorry, General," He spoke gently. I shook my head, "Don't call me that.." He stiffened slightly, "Then what do I call you, Sir?" I gazed at him for a moment before crouching down to grab my cloak, "Ashla."

-

     Rex brought me to Dario, a dense forest world with minimal activity. The refuge would provide me with shelter until I found some place else to go. I couldn't burden them, not with what I was. It was dangerous to those who actually needed protection, my being there wouldn't help that. The air was crisp, a fresh dewy smell in the breeze that cascaded down from the treetops, washing over the forest floor. The Force thrummed strong here, life surrounded us whether it be inanimate or creatures. Rex chucked softly at my wandering gaze, the two of us coming up on a camp filled with different refugee species.

   "So.." I started, my gaze finding a few stray Clones, "Rebellion, huh?" Rex nodded, "Rebellion, resistance, you can call it whatever. After the order, some of us questioned whether we were still fighting for the right side." I hummed at his answer, glancing around at the unfamiliar faces. To say I was uncomfortable was an understatement. "And their chips?" I questioned, glancing at him sideways. He stiffened at that, avoiding my gaze. I grabbed his arm and pulled him aside, "Rex! Their chips are still intact?!" He sighed, "Look, I know it's a risk but we can't just walk around cutting their heads open. Some of them aren't even aware they have them, we're trying to not be invasive." 

   "So, I'm stuck living in fear of betrayal?" I mumbled, releasing his arm and stepping back. My expression soured, of course I knew I would be living a constant life of secrecy, but to try and trust the Clones? "Look, I understand your disappointment. Until we find you a more permanent solution, this is how it has to be," He spoke softly. I didn't respond, my gaze turning towards the ground. He sighed, "You're not a burden. We took on this risk willingly, and no one knows you, I swear it." I shook my head, my lips turning downward, "No. You took on the risk, Rex.." I gave him a look of disapproval, "They didn't sign up to harbor a branded traitor." I mumbled, continuing to walk, and he followed after me.

   "I cant stay, Rex. Not with so many innocents here," I spoke softly. He caught up to me, "You can't just leave, you'll be on the run—" "Aren't I already?" I snapped, stepping in front of him, glaring. Rex had always been such a pillar of stability. He reminded me a lot of Anakin. Anakin was know for his.. tendencies, and I saw a lot of that in Rex. He was selfless, hardheaded, and a good leader. But he couldn't save everyone. My expression softened, putting my hand up to rest in his cheek, "I don't need you to protect me, Rex."

   He frowned, "I know that. But let me at least give you safe haven for now. Leaving? Right now especially.." He paused, letting out a soft sigh, "Just stay until we can find a solution that works out for everyone." I stared at him for a moment, my eyes flicking between his before letting out a sigh, pulling my hand away and nodding. He. tipped his head to the left, a silent gesture to follow him. "I'll show you where you can rest," He spoke softly.

   Rex left me alone while I settled in, the small hut fitting all of the basic necessities. The kitchenette fit a small gas cooktop, a counter and a cooler. The cot was tucked into the far right corner of the hut, a crate at the foot of the bed for storage. I tugged my sack off my shoulder, setting it on the bed. I pulled the drawstrings open, looking into the bottom of the sack, two dull gunmetal hilts resting at the bottom. I dumped them out, looking over the intricacies of the hilts. I crafted them a long time ago, now they would more than likely ever be used again.

   I couldn't stomach looking at them, chucking them into the crate and shutting it. I rustled around the hut for an hour, going about random things like drawing the shutters closed, rustling with the pillows on the cot, to shuffling about the refresher. I sat down on my cot, tearing some fabric from my cloak. I fumbled with it, using some wire I found in the cabinet to use as stitching. A gentle knock at the door broke me from my thoughts and I mumbled a quiet 'yes?', continuing to fumble with the makeshift pouch. Rex pushed the door open, peeking in at me. He shut the door behind as he entered, leaning back against the counter in the kitchenette. 

   We sat in silence for what felt like an eternity before he broke the silence, "You doing alright?" I hummed out a soft 'mhm', my fingers still working diligently at my task. I needed something to hyper fixate on or I felt that I might be swallowed up whole. He began to say 'General', but I shot him a look. "Ashla," He corrected, "Talk to me. You haven't spoken much since you got in.." I huffed softly, pulling the wire through the fabric again. What was there to talk about? I had nothing to say, and I wouldn't sit here and bore him with the logistics of what my life had come to. 

   Perhaps 'bore' wasn't the correct term. I didn't have the right to gripe about what I had gone through when he and anyone else lost just as much. I was getting frustrated with the wire and eventually tossed to aside, running my hand back through my hair, "Rex. I'm fine, seriously." He didn't believe any word I just said, silently pushing off of the countertop. He approached me, kneeling down before me, taking my hand into his. Sometimes it annoyed me how loyal he was, but his gesture made my chest tighten. I knew part of him felt guilty about the purge, but it wasn't his fault. It was none of their faults.

   With everything that happened with Jax, a pit had formed in my heart. Watching your most trusted companions turn on you in an instant was not a pain I thought I'd ever feel. The way he struggled, reaching for his blaster so that he may kill me; it sickened me. And yet I survived. I didn't know how many of my fellow Jedi companions had survived— if they did at all. There was a horrible, nauseating feeling always rooted in my throat, creeping up like bile every time I thought about it. I wasn't special, I was only a knight. So why me? Why had I survived when so many others hadn't?

   I wasn't aware of the wetness of my cheeks, or that Rex had placed his gloved hand against one. I wept silently, my thoughts a barrage of self hatred and pity. I was traumatized and it felt as if that there were no way to climb out of the pit of darkness that had pulled me in. I was drowning; drowning because I hated that I got to live on in a galaxy of hopeless despair. I knew what I was. I was a coward, a selfish one at that. I was guilty, wishing that death had taken me into its cold embrace. I was unworthy, because I wasn't meant to survive.

   Rex didn't speak of that night, and rarely ever tried to push me into speaking about how I felt after the fact. I had been on Dario for a few weeks at this point, helping around where I could, when I could. One thing Rex did mention was that I should try and face my troubles. He meant meditation, but I wasn't sure I was ready to fully allow the Force in again. I knew what waited for me, pain. I would be forced to feel to the pain and despair the Force now carried, the pain I had been intentionally blocking out. I couldn't complain about life on Dario, though. I only ever had to help refugees move things around, help with the gardens and serve the mess.

   I wasn't sleeping with one eye open, and I wasn't going hungry. I was already doing better than I had been on Lynniam. Rex was always constantly looking for places for me to have permanent settlement, but it was hard to find refuge for a Jedi. I set down another crate, swiping the sweat off from my forehead as I stood up straight. At least I was staying relatively active, even if I was just moving things around. It was humid today due to the light drizzle that came overnight, my clothes sticking to my skin. 

   "Ashla!" I turned slightly, a purple Twi'lek woman, Faye, and a human man, Kelian, waving to me. I gave them both a brief smile as they approached, "Faye, Kelian," I greeted. Faye bounced over to my side, lacing her arm with mine, "Come eat with us." I let her pull me along, Kelian following after with an exasperated look at Faye's over the top attitude. I didn't have friends, no, I don't think I could allow myself to. Maybe it was a bit ridiculous to be so untrusting of everyone, especially the local refugees, but I had valid reason to. Faye tugged me down into the circle of others already diving into their lunches, holding out a sack to me.

   I took it gratefully, pulling it open to grab the food items out, eating quietly while listening to the small talk around. Rex was my friend, I think, but I couldn't beg him to stay at my side at all times. He was busy, doing something that was actually helpful, lugging me around would be deadweight essentially. I wished I were someone different, anyone else, truly. I wished I could've been a beautiful Twi'lek woman like Faye, raised with her parents and siblings. Or like Kelian who actually had the largest crush on Faye, but wouldn't tell her because he was too nervous. It was so innocent, watching so many people's vastly different lives despite the galaxy's turmoil.

   That night I left into the forest. The Force called to me, and I hadn't been very forthcoming to listen to it since the Empire came to. I shoved away my gift, running around like my head was cut off with unspoken burdens. It was all too much for me to comprehend anymore, my sanity felt as if it were slipping. I was enraptured in a never ending struggle of trying to crawl out of this web that had spun around me. I stopped, dropping down to my knees, sitting back against my heels. I let my eyes flutter shut, reaching my consciousness out into the thrumming waves of the Force.

   It was dark, the shadow of the dark side looming over it with no trace of the light cracking through. I was the light, wasn't I? I had once prided myself on my unwavering connection with the Force. The light that beat so steadily inside of me since the day I was brought to the Temple now felt like the darkness that had plagued the galaxy, plagued my heart, damning me to an eternity of pain and sacrifice. I let out a slow sigh, my eyes blinking open to once again adjust to the dim forest. I pushed myself up to my feet, the wet soil sticking to the knees of my pants. 

   I couldn't find it in me to care anymore, not just about my pants. I wasn't a Jedi anymore, I was a fraud, weak and a coward. Running away from my duty as a peace keeper, letting innocents suffer at the hand of such unruly tyrants. I was a fake, through and through. I was no God,  I was merely a girl; a girl who once fought in great campaigns with elegant swords of kyber plasma, now dimmed down to being afraid of her own shadow. My cheeks were wet again. I was guilty. Guilty of surviving when I shouldn't have.

   I eventually stalked back to the refuge when my tears had dried and my eyes stung. There were no more tears to let loose, my sockets dry and irritated. Rex was already walking in my direction, his soft brown eyes swimming with concern. He always looked at me like that, and it burned me with annoyance every time. He enveloped me into his arms, pulling me into chest. I simply let my forehead rest against his chest plate, his hand supporting the back of my head while his other one wrapped around the back of my shoulders. 

   "Where did you go?" He spoke softly. I shifted in his embrace, pulling my head back, "To try and meditate. It didn't work." I felt him deflate at my answer, and he let out a slow sigh through his nose. I went because I thought that the Force would actually offer me some sort of respite, it hadn't. Not since the purge when its life fled into me to turn tail and run. I hadn't felt its comforting embrace once since then, and even if I begged it to, I wasn't sure it would. "I just need space," I mumbled, pulling out of his embrace.

   His disappointment radiated off of him as I walked past him in the direction of my hut. I tossed myself onto my back, my limbs sprawled out a top my cot. Cutting yourself off from the Force was a painful and tedious process. I couldn't handle hearing the screams across the galaxy, hearing the innocent cries of children who were gifted, swept away into the cold. Rex was right. The Empire would do anything to eliminate the possibility of the Jedi to return, and that meant killing children. If they could find such dim connections to the Force, what stopped them from finding me?

   I wasn't safe, nor were the refugees unknowingly harboring a Jedi. I couldn't stay, no matter how much I wanted to. What would they do if they found me— or when..? Capture me and turn me into one of their Jedi hunters, or kill me? I would prefer the latter. Death was an interesting concept, since you never truly die. The Force envelops you, your life force spreading out and becoming one with the Force. There is no reincarnation, no second chances. You simply leave the physical world and become one with the cosmos. 

   I'd like that. I'd like to become one with the stars, forever safe from the dark and devious foes of the physical world. Perhaps I begged for it. Not likely, I wouldn't harm myself of course, but if death came for me, I'd let it. I hoped it would be swift, I hoped it was peaceful, I hoped— I snapped up straight in my cot, a tingling sensation at the base of my spine. Danger. Darkness. The cold. It was here. They were here. I didn't think twice before I was already hurdling out of bed and taking off to where Rex's hut was located. 

   I crashed through his door, to which he abruptly shot up straight from his cot. He began to speak but I cut him off, "Rex. They're here. The Empire they—" The proximity alarms began to ring and he was out of his bed in an instant. I leaned back against the wall as he quickly shoved his armor on, not saying a word. My head spun with unanswered questions as to how they'd found us here, or even why they were here. Dread filled my gut, did I lead them here because I had reached out to the Force? 

   I disturbed their hard earned pace, just because I was feeling sad. Rex stepped towards me, "Ashla." I looked up at him, his hands coming to rest over my cheeks as a silent gesture to come back from my thoughts. I let out a wavering breath, giving him a single nod. I followed him out, the refugees hustling about the camp. There were some crying, some still in shock, and some boiling with anger. I felt responsible for this, I had to be. I went back to my hut to scrounge up as many of my things as possible, tugging my shawl on along with my boots. 

   I opened the crate at the foot of my bed, reaching down and grabbing the two gunmetal hilts that rested at the bottom. I slung on my utility belt, clipping the weapons to it and rushing out. It was chaos. People running in every which way to get to the transports, while I looked to the glowing dots approaching us from the sky. My fault. My fault. My fault. My— "Ashla!" Someone called out, Faye. Her and Kelian stopped at my side, Kelinan's eyes drifting down to my utility belt before I tugged my shawl over it. "You both need to go," I spoke, looking between the both of them, a firm expression settling over my features. 

   Faye shook her head rapidly, "And what of you?" "You're a Jedi. They're here for you, aren't they?" Kelian spat out, pulling Faye back. My brows furrowed slightly at his venomous tone, frowning. I didn't respond, turning away from them. "You brought them here. This is all your fault," He growled out. "Kel' stop it! Ashla, is this true?" Faye spoke, and I felt her step closer to me. I looked back at them over my shoulder, "You both should get to the evac ships." Faye disagreed, but Kelian pulled her away, a glare in his eyes as he looked at me.

   I brought them here. I ruined the hard earned peace they had here, all because I allowed Rex to shelter me with innocents. I began to walk in the opposite direction of where the refugees were headed in, the frantic bodies passing me. Every step I took was heavy, my heart crashing against my ribcage like I'd just run miles nonstop. I was afraid. Afraid of what I was doing, afraid of what would happen to me, afraid— Rex called out to me by my name. My real name.

   He was pointing a blaster at me, and then I saw darkness.

-

   When I came to, I realized that Rex had stunned me to keep me away from taking off into danger, which got him a verbal earful of how much I didn't appreciate being stunned. My body ached for the rest of the week after, and I refused to speak to him. I knew he was only trying to keep me from going to my death, but that wasn't for him to decide. I couldn't stay, not anymore. I was sure Kelian would tell the others of what I was, if he hadn’t already, and I wouldn't be welcomed back. I understood, truly, I wouldn't want to be around me either.

   I didn't like not being told where we were headed, as long as it was far away from the refugees, I wouldn't take it. Rex hadn't said anything about this being a permanent placement for me, but said I would be thoroughly interested in what he had found. When we dropped out of hyperspace and flew down to planet side, we docked down in Ord Mantel. I gave Rex a look, wondering why we would be in such a shady place to begin with. While there was no Imperial presence here, the candidates were less than desirable.

   He stood first and I followed, walking towards the ramp. He grabbed hold of my arm gently, pulling me towards him. His hands moved up to the back of my neck, pulling the hood over my head. I cursed myself for feeling so bashful at the gesture, he was just being cautious. He gave me a slight smile before pulling his own hood up and walking around me. He led us to an even shadier part of town, if that was even possible, and into a cantina. He directed me to sit in a booth while he went up to the bar and ordered drinks.

   Now, I wasn't dumb, I knew he hadn't flown us twelve hours out of the way for some drinks in a janky cantina. When he returned, he sat down next to me, sliding the drink in front of me. My brows furrowed, "Rex, what are we doing here?" He looked at me over the rim of his glass, taking a swig before setting it down, "Waiting." I frowned, "For?" He grunted softly, "To see if my intel was correct." What intel? Why was he being so dodgy with his answers? I simply huffed, grabbing my drink and sinking into the seat of the booth.

   We sat for what felt like hours, and I was already chipping away at the ice in my empty glass with my straw. Rex hadn't seemed to relax in the slightest, which only bothered me further. But when I sensed new people entering the cantina, I saw him go stiff. In walked three men, all of which looked like— my eyes widened and I nearly dropped my glass. Rex rested his hand over my forearm, silently telling me to wait.

   The men were no ordinary men, it was them, Clone Force 99, and not in Imperial garb. I frowned upon not seeing the sharpshooter or Wrecker, had something happened to them? They all disappeared through a threshold going to the back, and Rex and I shared a glance. "How do you know if they're safe?" I whispered out. He sighed, "I don't. That's what I need to find out." I frowned, but felt the hairs on my arms stand up. An Ithorian and a Weequay approached us, "Hey, you're in our spot." Rex stood, "Find another one." 

   My gaze snapped up to him, standing and putting my hand on his chest to push him away, "Rex—" "I don't think so," The Weequay sneered, "Bolo, show them to the curb." 'Bolo', the Ithorian began to approach but Rex pulled his blaster and shot a warning round at the ceiling. I grabbed his arm, pulling it down, "Rex!" But the two men were already hurdling for the exit. The sound of Rex's blaster made Hunter and a Trandoshian woman appear, Tech and Echo following suit. Hunter had his blaster pulled, but Rex's gaze was on me and where my hand rested. 

   He lowered his blaster, his eyes staying on mine while he holstered it before he stepped in front of me, tugging his hood back. "Rex..?" Hunter spoke, his blaster lowering. "Oh, great. Another Clone. Just what I needed. Don't get comfy, I'm done taking in strays. This ain't a clubhouse ya know.. Unbelievable," The Trandoshian woman growled out, disappearing through the group into the back. I peaked around Rex, but he held his arm out in front of me, to which I frowned. I pushed it down, tugging my hood back as well. 

   Their surprise only heightened upon seeing me.

"General," Hunter spoke, astounded, him and the others moving to salute. I waved him off, shaking my head. Rex glanced at me with a frown before looking back to the men, "It's been a while, boys." Hunter's brows furrowed, "Where have you two been..?" I crossed my arms over my chest, my gaze turning to the floor. Rex and I remained quiet for a moment, awkwardly keeping our gazes averted. I cleared my throat, "It's.. a long story.."

   Rex and I sat down at the bar, Echo standing beside me while Hunter and Tech stood at Rex's. Rex explained what he went through when the war ended, but I remained quiet. I'm sure they understood why, I was a Jedi after all. "I've been keeping a low profile.. I've only just recently found Ashla," Rex spoke, taking a sip of his drink. Hunter raised a brow, "Ashla?" I nodded slowly, stirring my drink, my eyes following the floating cubes of ice, "It's a cover.. I couldn't keep my name." Because I was being hunted like an animal, I wanted to say, but kept my mouth shut. He hummed in acknowledgment, not pressing it any further. 

   "Imperial files have you listed as killed in action.. And Ashla, a wanted fugitive," Tech spoke, glancing between us and his data pad. I stiffened at his words, my stirring stopping abruptly. 'Wanted fugitive' rang out in my head over and over, my palms beginning to perspirate. Rex sighed, "Being dead in the Empire's eyes has its advantages." "Being a branded traitor doesn't," I replied bitterly, taking a deep swig of my drink. I felt Rex look at me, but he didn't say anything in response to my quip. "How'd you track us down?" Echo spoke from beside me. Rex glanced to him, "Trace and Rafa Martez. They said a squad of rogue clones helped them on Correllia."

   This was news to me, since Rex hadn't told me anything about how he'd gotten this intel whatsoever. "They told me I could find you here.. And that you were traveling with a kid. Who is she?" Rex spoke. I turned around in my seat, crossing my legs as I looked to Hunter. "Omega. She's a Clone like us." Rex seemed to pause at that, while I gave Hunter an incredulous look. A female clone? And a child at that? As I was about to speak, Wreckers voice broke out, "Well look who it is," He laughed. He jogged down the steps to Rex and I, scooping both of us up into a crushing embrace. 

   I wheezed slightly, Rex looking at me with a pale face, "Good to see you too, Wrecker.." I winced out. "I thought you didn't like the regs.. And who is that?" A small voice spoke. Wrecker spun as around, and my gaze landed on a small blonde haired girl. "This one we like. And this is General—" "Ashla," Hunter cut him off, and Wrecker set us both down, a look of confusion spreading over his face. I let out a breath, silently thanking Hunter before looking to the girl. "Omega, this is Rex," Hunter spoke, gesturing to Rex beside me. He crouched down to her level, "I've met many Clones in my time, but never one like you."

   She remained silent, but then approached him to look at his face. I felt Rex's unease, and I almost smiled at the sight of him with a child. He wasn't as gruff as he was with the men, he seemed almost bashful, in a sense. "You're a generation one," She spoke suddenly. My brows rose at that, crossing my arms. "Now, how'd you know that?" He spoke, a smile forming on his lips. She smiled, "From the lines on your face." I let out a snort which earned me a playful glare from Rex. The 'lines' she spoke of were his wrinkles and stress lines from the war.

   Rex sighed, "Yeah, I guess i've been around.." Wrecker laughed, "You got that right— Ah.." He groaned out, grabbing at his head, "Tech, I need one of those med patches." I felt Rex go rigid immediately, standing slowly. "You used the last one," Tech responded, crossing his arms. Rex pushed me behind him, to which I glared at him. "What's wrong?" Rex spoke, his tone suspicious. "It's just a headache," Wrecker grunted out, rubbing at the right side of his head. Echo shook his head, "Which are becoming more frequent." Rex's body language changed, drastically, within the minute of Wrecker complaining of his pain. 

   He stepped in front of me, his hand grabbing hold of my wrist, "Is that so..?" Tech set down his data pad, "If you two are concerned about the so-called inhibitor chips, don't be. Our deviant nature seems to have impeded their functionality. Except in Crosshair." My heart dropped. Crosshair fell under the influence of the chip? And they all still had them, in their heads, and Rex did not like that. Rex tugged me further behind him, and I understood why, I was just as on edge about the situation, looking between each of the men with a wary expression. "You're telling me.. you haven't removed your chips..?" Rex questioned. Tech shook his head, "No. Not yet." 

   Rex's hand slid from my wrist and onto his blaster that made the men before us stand from their places at the bar, questioning Rex's gesture. "Rex," Hunter warned. Rex didn't falter, "Those chips make you a threat to everyone around you. Ashla and Omega included. You're all ticking time bombs." Hunter reached a complacent hand out, "Take it easy, Captain." Rex's hand gripped onto the blaster, "What's in your head is more dangerous than you can imagine.. I've seen what happens when the chip activates, and I don't want to bury any more of our brothers... Trust me. It's not something you can control."

-

   Rex pulled me out of the cantina as quickly as possible, rushing me back to the ship without speaking. I wanted to berate him for tugging me around like I was some lost child, once again treating me as if I were made of glass, but I remained silent. He released me upon reaching the ramp, storming up it quickly without glancing back at me. My jaw tensed and I followed after him, entering the transport as well. He was already sat in the pilot seat, his fingers tapping at various coordinates and intel to find some place to get their chips removed since Kamino was off the table. I stopped behind him, crossing my arms, "Rex." He didn't respond, his soft brown eyes flicking over the intel with fervor.

   I bristled, why was he being so odd? "Rex, you can't keep acting like I'm fragile," I spoke, deciding to continue whether or not I had his attention. He faltered for a moment, but ultimately continued what he was doing. I gritted my teeth, grabbing the data pad and tossing it into the copilot seat, "Look at me." He stood instead, turning to face me, his eyes swimming with more emotion than I could process. I felt his every concern for me, his fear, his anger about the situation. I sighed, "Rex. Let me help you, we can figure this out together—" "That's not my concern. My concern is you," Cutting me off, his brows pinching together.

   My expression rattled, my jaw dropping slightly as I shook my head, "No.. No— you don't get to do that." I snapped, pointing my finger in his chest, "I am not some helpless girl who doesn't know right from wrong. You don't get to decide—" He cut me off with a growl of my name, which promptly shut me up, my cheeks warming. He softened, his hands coming up to grab my biceps, "I will not bury you alongside my brothers. I couldn't bear it." My heart pounded in my chest, sorrow filling me at his tone. He was afraid, and more so about me than himself, "Rex.." He shook his head whilst letting it hang, his mouth quivering.

   I pulled him into an embrace instead, my arms curling around the back of his neck, my hand gently caressing the back of his shaved head. I knew I wasn't what I used to be, and I think that scared him more. I think he knew that I didn't care so much about my life, that I was okay with death. His arms wrapped around my waist, his grip firm and unrelenting. He knew I couldn't stay with him, where he could keep me safe, he knew I would leave. He didn't want me to, and I had my deepest sympathy's for that. I wouldn't put the lives of others at risk for the sake of mine.

   I had done enough damage by just existing, I wouldn't be anymore. I was supposed to protect the peace and yet, all I'd brought was unrest. "I'll be okay," I whispered to him. But we both knew that I wasn't, and never would be.

Chapter Text

   It only took Rex and I a week to find somewhere suitable for their chips to be removed. It wasn't an ideal solution, but Bracca was the best chance we had. Rex and I arrived a little sooner than the Batch had just to ensure the area was relatively secure, and thankfully Rex actually let me partake. More like I didn't give him the option to deny me, he didn't want silence from me. Should the chip removal end in success, I had asked Rex to try and track Jax down with his involvement in the Clone network he'd been working on. 

   If he could find him, we could get him the help he desperately needed, should he still even be alive. That also applied to Crosshair. From what Tech had told us, Crosshair was still very much alive, just very.. different. He was under the chips control, which was a detrimental factor in itself. He was dangerous, not just because he was under Imperial control, but because of his modified skill set. In my two years of knowing the sharpshooter, i'd never seen him miss. It didn't matter now, of course, he wouldn't be sent after me or the Batch.

   Seeing a Venator-class attack cruiser again for the first time in two months made something in my chest clench. Seeing it in shambles, forgotten amongst all the other junk may have been worse. What I may have once considered my home among the stars was now thrown away, just as the rest of what remained of the Republic. I slowly exhaled, my head turning back slightly as I felt Rex approach. I rested my chin against the heels of my palms, my elbows pressed into my knees as I stared off at the fallen cruiser in the distance. 

   Looking at it gave me the impression that whatever Jedi commanded it, didn't make it out. Distant whispers emitted from it, some indiscernible, some clear singular words. It was the whispers of pain and agony the cruiser held in its memory, the memory the Force stuck to it. His hand gripped my shoulder gently, and I let out a sharp exhale, looking to him as he sat down beside me. He rested his forearms over his knees, looking at what I was looking at. He seemed unnerved by the sight as well, it made me feel less alone.

   "Do you think they lived?" My voice cracked out, my gaze unmoving from the cruiser. Rex stiffened slightly, but I felt his gaze on me. I was aware of what he felt, that he knew that whoever was on that cruiser no longer existed in the physical world. They faced the fate I was destined for, the one I was able to cheat my way out of. Rex's fingers twitched, his hand reaching over towards mine slowly. My ears perked at the sound of a ship breaking through the atmosphere, gliding down towards our position. I stood abruptly, my eyes tracking the Marauder coasting down to land a short distance away from Rex and I's.

   Rex went ahead of me, casting me a glance and a raised hand to keep a distance. My lips pulled into a firm line, but I didn't argue the issue. I stayed back while Rex greeted them, watching wistfully. I understood his concern, but I was sure that if they hadn't snapped now, it wouldn't be any time soon. Soon, we began our long journey, the distance we docked at would keep our ships out of sight from the scrapper guild. We didn't need any unnecessary trouble in an already precarious situation. The closer we got to the cruiser, the more anxious I felt. Bad things happened here with an even worse outcome. 

   I remained at the tail end of the group, my eyes flitting around the wreckage as we passed through. "Woah.. it's so much bigger up close," Omega praised, her eyes wide with wonder. I smiled at her innocent fascination, feeling her intense need to ask as many questions as possible. She was an interesting little clone, I liked her already. The wreckage groaned under our collective weights as we entered the Venator, the only light coming from their flashlights ahead. When Rex abruptly stopped, I slithered my way to the front, looking down into the cavern below.

   Rex glanced at me through his visor, "The medical bay is at the other end." I knew that. Rex and I had this ship memorized better than most battle plans we'd seen. I surveyed the area, pointing to a cable limply hanging, "Wrecker, grab that cable." Much to his displeasure, probably due to his acute fear of heights, he did as he was told. He secured it, thus creating a straight line across the grotto for us to use. Wrecker was apprehensive and waited to go last, eliciting a sigh from Rex. We hadn't taken Wreckers weight into account, and he fell into the water below. The six of us heaved against the cable, pulling him up from the grotto below. 

   We realized what Hunter meant by stay out of the water, some sort of creature began pulling Wrecker back into the sewage. I planted my feet hard, pulling back with more of my physical strength. The Force. The Force? No, I couldn't, not after what happened on Dario. It led the Empire straight to me, we needed this to remain a quiet mission. With a final heave, Wrecker was up and I was stumbling back. I swiped Rex's hand away, storming off further into the cruiser.

   It wasn't Rex's fault, he didn't know why I had that reaction. As I walked, my gaze traveled over the walls, my flashlight trembling slightly. I reached my hand up, my fingers brushing against the burn marks in the durasteel, blaster burns scattered about. I brushed my fingers along the burn stripe, angling my flashlight down the wall. More, so much more. The group stopped behind me and I let my hand fall, "It's just ahead." Rex stopped beside me as the rest of the group continued forward, his visor tipped down at me.

   My jaw was tensed, my gaze locked on the burn stripe. Whoever was here fought until the end, the markings proving that further. They were desperate, and when I touched them, I heard the humming of the lightsaber that had caused them. Rex didn't speak, didn't move, just silently waited for me to gather myself before we walked after the squad. Echo was calibrating the medical machines when we entered, Tech readying his scanner for the procedure. Omega looked somewhat frightened about the situation, she feared them dying.

   Rex placed his hand at the small of my back as he passed by, pulling his helmet off. I swallowed hard, watching them converse. The Force thrummed rapidly, I blamed that on the nerves in the room. Still, I studied each of them intently, trying to pick apart the feeling. Wrecker's pain was growing more and more, but no one seemed to pay much attention to it, rapidly trying to get the procedure underway. Hunter, Rex and Echo conversed, Tech drawing up an anesthetic, Omega watching Wrecker intently.

   No, there was something off, and it wasn't the nerves. My gaze locked on Wrecker, my hands curling into fists at my side. "No," I whispered softly, which Hunter picked up with his enhanced senses. Rex and Echo looked where Hunter did, their eyes on me, "What is it?" Hunter questioned, his brows pinching together. The needle grew closer to Wreckers neck. My heart began to hammer against my rib cage, the Force flooding its life into me. Just as it had when the purge was ordered. "Tech—" I began, Wreckers hand shot out and grabbed him by his throat.

   "You're in direct violation of Order 66," Wrecker spoke robotically. Tech was thrown back against the adjacent wall, knocking him unconscious immediately. Rex was in front of me in an instant, his blasters drawn. As Rex went to shoot a stun blast at Wrecker, his blaster was slapped out of his hand, smashing through the ceiling. Hunter grabbed Omega, hauling her behind some debris, Echo following, Rex tugging me with them. My breaths were rapid, my heart pounding in my ears. It was like watching Jax turn on me all over again, the fear, the anger all rushing in my veins. 

   They were speaking, but their words weren't registering. Rex was shaking me, begging me, but everything was muffled, a high pitched tone emitting in my head. Their eyes were wide on me, but my vision was blurry, my eyes burning. Wrecker was yelling, but even that sounded quiet despite his loud tone and blaster fire. Rex grabbed my face, forcing me to look into his eyes. "Come back. Come back to me," He pleaded gently. I didn't respond, instead, I let him guide me out of the room after Hunter and Echo, Omega staying hidden behind the debris.

   Rex tugged me down the corridor in the opposite direction, pulling me around a corner. I sank into the wall, the blaster fire soaring down the corridor past us. Rex caged me in on one side protectively, blaster in hand. My head was spinning, my brain on fire. The Force was screaming at me, begging me to take hold of my weapons and do something. Instead, a tear streaked down my cheek, my head dropping in shame. Rex glanced at me once before he shot a stun blast down the hallway back at Wrecker. 

   It happened all so fast, Echo came out of no where, slamming into Rex, both of them crashing to the floor a short distance from me, unconscious. I could hear Hunter trying to hold off Wrecker, but it didn't sound too well. I let out a sharp breath, dropping to the floor and crawling towards the both of them, trying my best to stay down. I checked Echo, realizing he was stunned while Rex had actually just hit his head too hard. I ran my fingers over his forehead, my lips trembling. 

   I grabbed Rex's blaster as I stood, turning to face Wrecker. Hunter was held up against the wall by Wreckers grip, choking him. My hand trembled, my teeth grinding together. Rage. Pure, white hot anger flooded through me at the sight, blinding me. Then, Omega appeared, aiming a blaster at Wrecker, firing, but missing just shy of his head. "Omega," I hissed out, which caught her attention. But Wrecker was already looking at us, Hunter falling to the floor unconscious. I held out my hand to her, which she ran towards me, the two of us taking off down the opposite corridor.

   I shoved her towards an opening in the wall, turning to face Wrecker. He snarled, getting into a low position, ready to pounce. I was afraid, rightfully so, but enraged. "Jedi," He hissed out, charging at me. I spun around him as he reached me, kicking my leg out under his feet. He stumbled slightly, but recovered, swinging his fist at me. I ducked under it, grabbing hold of his wrist, swinging myself over his shoulder. It pulled his arm in an awkward angle, giving me leverage to pull him off balance. 

   Rex's unconscious face flickered in my vision, my elbow connecting with his middle back. He growled, dropping to one knee. I pulled the blaster, pinching the trigger but he slapped it away. He grabbed me and tossed me down the hall, and I rolled a few times, groaning. No blaster, new plan. Live. He charged at me once again, my hand tugging one of my lightsabers off my belt from under my shawl. My hand trembled, sweat slicking the hilt under my numb fingers. A stun blaster hit him, making me straighten up. 

   Wrecker fell to the floor with a groan, unconscious at last, Rex holding his head in pain from behind. In that moment, I had clarity, thrusting the hilt away from me, stumbling backwards. I was going to kill him. Rex grunted which drew me back to the prescience, my feet carrying me past Wrecker's body and to him. My hands gingerly cupped his cheeks, sliding down to his shoulders and arms, checking him over, my eyes wide and swimming with concern. His hands grabbed hold of my wrists, pulling them down, his hands sliding into mine.

   I looked down at them, blinking rapidly before looking back up to his face, "Are you alright?" His brows pinched together, "I should be asking you that." He was referring to how he'd found me, in a moment of fear. How he saw me at my wits end, my contemplation. I pulled away from him, my gaze dropping to the floor. I wasn't proud of it, nor was I proud of letting the anger take over instead of using my head. I wasn't thinking, I thought that was my only option. Rex called out to me softly, "Get out of your head. You did what you thought was right.." 

'Come back. Come back to me'.

-

   Wrecker was the first to have his chip removed for obvious reasons, meanwhile I left the group in search of peace. I wandered the wreckage, heading in the direction of the bridge, the whispering only seemed to echo in my head more now, a damning reminder of the cruelties of this place. I wanted to be better, to do better, but I wasn't sure how to start. I had no one to guide me, my master long gone along with any other remaining Jedi. What was my purpose now other than to hide away such an important part of myself? 

   I had been a Jedi my entire life, I knew nothing other than that. I thought about settling down somewhere once the heat was off me, maybe a farm or small trinket shoppe. Was a normal life even obtainable? I wanted many things in my life that the Order had stripped away from me. My oath entailed no attachments, romantic feelings could be acknowledged, but we were expected to dispel them. We couldn't have possessions, it could lead to greed. Did that still apply to me, or was I free to chart my own course? 

   My fingers curled around a durasteel beam that had collapsed in the doorway, pushing myself up through the space. I climbed up the failed turbo lift, squeezing myself through the nooks and crevasses until I made it to the top. I stood, sliding through the partly open door and finally, on to the bridge, my gaze catching the setting sun through the view ports. It looked so familiar yet so.. ruined. Wires and ceiling panels were strewn about, the flooring crinkled from the impact. I stopped at the control panel, my fingers tracing over the buttons and switches.

   Nostalgia filled me like an old friend, my lips twitching slightly. I missed it, traveling amount the stars with those I once called my family. Those were the people I loved, despite the Order telling me to do otherwise. The 287th was my family, they were my brothers. Maybe I cared too much and that was why I had such a hard time of letting go. I needed to let go, this would never be my life again. I closed my eyes and tried to remember what it felt like when this cruiser travelled through hyperspace, how the bridge always had some sort of chatter. How when I was here, I was never alone.

   I traced over the entirety of the room, storing it in my head for one last time. I would never stand aboard a cruiser again after today, nor will I ever have my friends back. There was a quiet rustling from behind me, which I paid no mind to. Rex's presence was familiar enough by now that I didn't have to look at him, I could just feel him. This was probably quite the sight for him as well, one he had bad memories of. I never pried about how his chip was removed, nor by who. I had a feeling I knew who had done it, I hoped she was alright. 

   "Do you miss it?" I spoke softly, my fingers running over the control panel. I heard him shift in place, unresponsive for a moment. "Yeah," He replied gruffly. I turned to look at him, his eyes trained on the center view port, helmet tucked under his arm. I leaned back against the panel, "It's surreal.. Seeing it so calm and quiet," I murmured. He grunted, "There was nothing quite like the chatter after a successful mission of blasting clankers." My lips pulled into a sideways smile, my gaze falling to the ground, "Yeah.." 

   Now would be the perfect time to tell him that I wasn't leaving with him, that I would stay with the Batch until I found somewhere to settle down. It was safer to travel with them, since they were always on the move somewhere. I wouldn't put the refugees at risk anymore, especially with Kelian knowing my secret. Now that their chips were removed, there was no threat to my life, other than the Empire. But there was a feeling in my chest, a feeling that he already knew. I frowned when he looked at me, his soft brown eyes betraying his expression. He was disheartened, and so was I. 

   My jaw tensed and I swallowed hard, averting my gaze. He approached me, his footsteps thudding against the durasteel floor. I didn't resist when he turned my face back to look at him, my eyes flicking up to meet his. My jaw trembled, my eyes burning with the urge to release my tears. He let out a soft sigh, pulling me into an embrace. I melted in his arms, my own wrapping around his midsection. He gently stroked the back of my head, "I will see you again,  runi." 

   I let out a quivering sigh, nodding softly. I had learned some Mando'a, but not enough to know what 'runi' meant. I wouldn't ask, it meant more knowing that he'd used another language to name me. I felt him press his face into the side of my head, his nose remaining buried in my hair. When we pulled back from each other, his forehead shifted to lean against mine, before he pulled back. I wasn't sure of our dynamic, friends of course, but there was attachment there as well.

   Attachment on my end at least. I'd known Rex the entirety of war since Anakin had introduced us. It took him a long time before he actually relaxed and quit being so professional and stuck up all the time. He was gentle, and perhaps in other circumstances, I would've stayed with him. The galaxy liked to take, making that impossible. I knew I liked the way he looked at me before the war ended, but his gaze had changed from one of admiration to concern. I sighed, "When do you go..?" His thumbs caressed small circles on my biceps slowly, "Now." 

   Now. I nodded softly, forcing myself to steel my expression. His eyes had so much to say, but he made no move to say it. When he leaned his face closer to mine, my eyes grew wider. His lips pressed a gentle kiss to the high point of my cheek, lingering. My eyes fluttered shut, and his touch was gone just as soon as it had arrived. He gave me a small smile, a glimmer in his eyes at my reaction before he let his hands drop, walking away. I was once again in silence, staring at the space he left through, longingly. 

   I knelt down in front of the control panel, rolling onto my back and pushing myself under the panel. I could at least make myself useful by pulling apart the sellable pieces if I was going to be an extra body on the Marauder. It was mostly to distract myself from the dull ache in my chest at Rex's departure. I would miss him dearly, but if fate brought us back together, then so be it. I lost track of time as I pulled the panel apart, tugging at wires and cooling lines, my gaze set on the navigation module.

   It could make for some quick credits, probably fifteen hundred or so. I found comfort in the simplicity of the task, my anxiety broiling down to a small waver. It felt normal, like I was where I belonged, on my cruiser, with Jax, with the 287th. Time to let it go, let old things die. A soft patter of footsteps made me look up past my feet, Omega appearing at the opening. Her gaze was full of enchantment, her lips pulled into a beaming smile. I looked back to what I was doing, "Everything down there alright?" I spoke.

   She gave me a firm nod with a 'mhm', kneeling down beside me to watch what I was doing. I could feel her curiosity, her desperate need to ask questions. My lips tweaked into a sideways smile, "Ask, kiddo." She looked surprised, but it was quickly replaced with an almost saddened look, "It was scary, watching them.." I paused, turning my head to look at her downcast eyes, "I'm sure.. but it's for the best." She didn't seem to perk up at that answer, leaving me feeling a little displaced on how to right this.

   I cleared my throat, "Ever been aboard a Venator?" She looked up, and then around, taking every inch of the bridge in. She shook her head, "No.. never," She spoke softly, "What was it like to fly one of these?" I pulled at some more wires, my hands working deftly inside of the console, "It was.. freeing. Always bustling with life.. Always a new mission." She was quiet for a moment, getting up to continue walking around. My gaze occasionally flicked to her, warmth sinking in my chest at her childlike innocence. "What was the war like?" She questioned suddenly.

   My hands faltered slightly. The Clone war. A rough three and three quarter revolutions of my life, spent fighting against Separatist forces. What could I even say about it? It wasn't fun, nor was it a good experience. We all lost in the end anyway.. "It was.. uh.. a lot of fighting," I mumbled out. She didn't seem satisfied with my vague answer, "I don't mean the fighting.. What was it like for the Jedi.. and the Clones..?" She was a perceptive little clone, she knew what she wanted answered and didn't shy away from getting to know the truth.

   I finally tugged the navigation module out, setting it beside me on the floor. "The Jedi and the Clones," I started, sliding out from under the console, "Most of Jedi gave the Clones individuality, letting them choose how they wanted to fight.. Letting them choose who they wanted to be as men.." I stood up, brushing my pants off, "I have never worked with a more devoted group of men." She nodded, her curiosity satiated. I picked the module up, beginning my way to leave, "Ashla, what's the blinking light?" I paused, looking back at her, and then to where her finger pointed.

   "That's just the proximity sensor. I probably false triggered it when I pulled the navigation module out," I explained. Then three transports zipped overhead the cruiser, the pit of anxiety swirling inside of me, "Or.. maybe not." Omega grabbed the hem of my tunic, clinging to it. My brows furrowed softly, opening my comm channel, "Hunter, we've got company.." The comm crackled, "Is it the scrappers?" I watched as the three transports touched down, docking. My hands felt jittery, my heart pumping so hard I thought it might explode. "No.. it's the Empire," I whispered.

   It didn't take long for Hunter and Tech to meet us on the bridge, Hunter using his binoculars to get a better look. Tech was working on his data pad, Omega cautiously looking between the three of us. "Eh.. it's Crosshair," Hunter grumbled. I felt my hands perspirate, my wary gaze flicking to Hunter, taking the binoculars from him. I brought them up to my eyes, looking down below at the now offloading Imperial troopers. A group of four in ash black armor stood surrounded by at least thirty in white, Crosshair at the head of them. I grew heated just looking at him.

   "He won't be able to detect us. I'm blocking their scanners," Tech spoke, and I forced the binoculars down, handing them off to Hunter. The four of us left the bridge in a rush to meet up with Echo and Wrecker, who were hauling a load of weapons looted from the armory. "How many troopers are we talking about?" Echo questioned. "Three attack shuttles worth," Tech responded. Wrecker groaned, "We already got what we came for. Let's get to the Marauder." My brows furrowed, and I shook my head. I felt the tingle at the base of my spine grow more prominent, "No.. They're already on board.." 

   Hunter seemed to have sensed that as well, giving me a nod in confirmation, "We need a covert way out." "They'll do a forward-to-aft sweep. We can alternate corridors. Come on," Echo spoke. The squad took off, I followed with a bated breath, keeping close. We did as Echo explained, alternating corridors. I tried to keep my head screwed on, but it was difficult with the Empire so close. The scrappers had seen Echo, Wrecker and Omega, they had no idea I was here. Should things go south, I needed to remain out of sight. My being here would only make this all so much worse. 

   "I'm trying to tap into the regs' comms so we can monitor their movements," Tech spoke, his gaze locked on the data pad in his hands. Hunter held up a hand, silently telling us to stop moving. I grabbed Omega by the hand, "Move." I tugged Omega with me behind some debris while everyone else did the same, my hand resting over my hilt under my shawl. Footsteps thudded down the corridor followed with the comm chatter on their end which gave Tech the ability to lock in on it. Once they'd passed, Tech's data pad chirped and then static emitted, voices breaking through.

   "I'm in," He confirmed. I looked down to Omega who gave me a small smile, guiding her ahead of me by her shoulder. "All squads. Push the targets towards the hangar. We'll pin them down," Crosshair's voice broke through. My jaw clenched, my eyes narrowing at the sound of his empty voice. He sounded much more dull, like a killer who was willing to go through with anything. Our route was compromised, meaning we needed to change our plan of escape. We changed direction, heading for the artillery deck, the squad checking the perimeter of it.

   Wrecker seemed a bit reluctant, which, understandable, we were in no place to escape from this high up. Wrecker then approached me, scratching the back of his neck, "Uh.. sorry about.. all that," He grumbled sorrowfully. I let out a sigh, patting him on the chest, "You couldn't control it.." He nodded silently, his hand going behind his back, pulling my abandoned hilt from earlier, reaching it out to me. I completely forgot that I'd thrown it in my minor freak out. I grabbed it from him, giving him a small smile, "Thank you.." 

   Footsteps thudded rapidly around us, troopers surrounding us on both sides. Wrecker shoved me behind him, Omega rushing to me as the squad kept the two of us covered. Blasters were pointed at blasters, my body filling with anxious heat. My fight or flight died long ago, flee or freeze my only option. The door hissed open from behind us, the tingle vibrating over the entirety of my spine now. I looked over my shoulder, my gaze trailing over a familiar rifle, all the way up to his helmet. "Tapping our comms to track our movements? So predictable," He droned out. 

   I kept my back to him, Omega tucked into my side. I was putting a good front up, but I was sure my screaming heart was all Hunter could hear. "Good to see you too, Crosshair," Wrecker scoffed. I glanced to Tech and Echo, who were mumbling indiscernibly to one another. The words 'blow' and 'artillery deck' hit my ears, and I shook my head, Tech's brows furrowing slightly. I knew what I needed to do, I just hoped I had the strength to do so. I nudged Omega, and she went to Hunter, hiding behind his legs. "Look at you all, scavenging like rats. How pathetic," Crosshair growled out. 

   I let a slow breath out from my nose, my hands curling into fists, my nails digging to my palms as I tried to center myself. "Why come after us?" Hunter questioned. My eyes fluttered shut for a moment, the Force thrumming through my muscles, tingling down to my fingertips. "You're traitors," Crosshair spoke, the troopers spreading out around the room. Echo and Tech shifted to stand on either side of me, Echo leaning in, "What's the hold up?" I opened my eyes, my heart fluttering as I took in the room. I was trying to figure out my plan of action, one wrong move and I took us down with the rest of the room.

   "Crosshair, wake up. You're being controlled by an inhibitor chip," Hunter pleaded. "He's telling the truth. The Kaminoans put chips in all the clones. Remember what I told you in the brig? You can't help it," Omega's voice caught me off guard, causing me to turn and look. I felt Crosshair hesitate, but it was quickly gone. "Aim for the kid," He growled out. I moved towards her without thinking, pulling her back as Hunter stepped in front of us. I glared into his visor, hearing his hands tighten around his rifle.

   He's going to shoot. "Jedi," He hissed. I shoved him backwards with the Force, may I even say gently. I raised my hands at the ceiling, my fingers curling in. Then I pulled, a strained cry erupting from my chest, the ceiling rippling. It came down, collapsing around us as the troopers ran to cover. The Batch dove in next to me, my hands wavering as I held the part of the ceiling above us from falling, "Go!" I wheezed out. My gaze was locked on Crosshair who was caught under some debris, his visor trained on me. I shoved my hands out to the left, the debris falling to the side of me, dashing out after the Batch. My brain was fuzzy, my limbs feeling hot and my eyes blurry.

   We took off towards the ion engine chamber, slowly sliding against the walls on the ledge. I blocked out their chatter, focusing on centering myself again. Omega kept looking to me, worry evident in her brown eyes. I gave her a pat on the head, my hand attaching to her shoulder while we crossed the high ledge. Upon reaching the end, each of us slid down the cone to the platform below into the ion chamber. I helped Omega to stand, and then dusted myself off, looking around. "I've never been inside an ion engine before," Omega spoke, looking around in wonder. 

   Echo and I shared a look, my brow raising slightly. Wrecker grunted, "It'd be weirder if you had." Yes, it would, wouldn't it. I'm not even sure that I had ever been in an ion chamber before. That wasn't the forefront of my thoughts, Crosshair was. I knew we had never been on good terms, but his entire aura was seeping with hatred for me. I'd seen the chip work first hand before, but to see it work on an already hostile man was a different feeling entirely. His hatred for me had only been heightened with orders to kill any and all Jedi survivors. A blaster shot hit the wall beside Tech, to which Wrecker grabbed him before he fell over the edge. 

   My spine began to tingle, ignoring Crosshair's yelling from below, turning to look at the engine. The chamber hissed, the ion engine priming, a blue hue filling the darkness. "This shouldn't be possible," Hunter growled. "Technically, it is. I restored the ships main power core when I accessed the central system which means the engines can be activated," Tech spoke. My brows furrowed, my hands clenching into fists. That meant we only had two minutes before the engines were fully primed and ready to fire up. The Force trilled in my ears, whispers and what felt like hands touching me overwhelmed my senses.

   Now was not the time to have some sort of breakthrough, I wasn't relying on the Force for this one, not when I was about to be fried. The chamber rumbled, the squad beginning to argue about what to do. I should've stayed with Rex, I knew well enough these men always found themselves in a pit of trouble wherever they went. "We could place a series of charges around the cone, we may be able to breakaway from the cylinder," Tech spoke. My head spun towards him, "Breakaway? You mean, fall?" Hunter walked up to me, "Just make sure to catch us, yeah?" 

   I frowned, "Catch you? I was barely able to destabilize the ceiling of the artillery deck. You want me to worry about the five of you, all while making sure I don't fall too?" He smirked, "I've seen you fair up against worse odds. Grab an explosive." I stared at him dumbfounded as they got to work, grabbing an explosive myself. I did one thing and somehow I'm to be depended on again, made no sense to me. I did it in a moment of fear, not focus. I wasn't centered, I was tainted, scarred from the purge. They expected too much, but maybe the Jedi instilled that in everyone. 

   I placed my explosive while the others placed theirs, activating them as they went. The engine rumbled, the blue flame of the ion engine flaring to life, sparking in the middle. We all took cover, grabbing onto anything that we could hold onto. The explosives went off, jolting us as the cone broke free from the chamber. I grunted, my hands gripping onto the beam as tight as possible.  Then we began to fall. My hands slipped, but I was able to grab hold over another beam, my feet skidding against the cone wall to get some grip. 

   Echo yelled out, but my hand was already shooting out towards him, Force shoving him back towards the wall. Then we tipped backwards, everyone shifting around again, Omega and Hunter falling but catching onto another beam. I strained my burning muscles, swinging my leg up to get another point of attachment. Then we hit the ground, the cone splitting in two sending me flying off the wall along with Echo, Tech and Wrecker, Hunter and Omega separated from us. I hit the ground, rolling a few feet before I stilled, coughing as I looked up at the dusty night sky above. 

   There was pain in the Force, lots of it. Clarity, perhaps, maybe some sort of relief. Whose feelings that was were unknown to me, pushing myself up warily. Wrecker came and hoisted me up to my feet, asking if I was alright before I nodded, waving him off. Echo and Tech approached us, both of them stiff from our sharp landing. "Thanks," Echo spoke, tipping his helmeted head at me. I coughed once more, waving the dust out of my face, "Anytime." Right now, I missed Rex's overbearing protection, I wouldn't have been in this situation right now.

   I seemed to have gotten myself in more trouble than I needed, more than they needed. They were already branded deserters, now they had a Jedi traitor on their roster as well. They were a loyal group of clones, some of my favorite outside of Rex and the 287th. I wavered slightly, my head feeling light. Perhaps I wasn't meant to survive, but Rex and the Batch refused to let otherwise happen. I wasn't their General anymore, just a girl, a failed peacekeeper. Fuck, when did my vision get so foggy? I stumbled, hitting the dirt with a thud, Wreckers booming voice the last thing I heard.

Chapter Text

   How did the Jedi ever work with this Trandoshian woman? She was hardly truthful, always conveniently left something out, and the nicknames, Maker— how could anyone seriously sit here and listen to her blubber about credits and not get a raging headache? She revolved around money, and the Batch had seemingly fallen into her clutches in providing her revenue. We hardly made anything, a ten percent cut or maybe even less every time we completed her dirty work; I was tired of being a mercenary. I palmed my forehead, looking back at Bolo and Ketch, their agitating yapping over Dejarik was turning my brain to mush.

    The rest of the crew minus Echo and I went to deliver some weapons, per Cid's instructions. I had a hard time believing it was just as simple as that. Otherwise, all I had done all day besides complain was stare into my drink, clean my temporary quarters, twice, and bother Echo with whatever he was up to. There were plenty of things for me to do, like work on my mental health, meditate, maybe try to stop thinking about traitor clones. One in particular, at least. Our last meeting left me rather unsettled, I felt off balanced.

   Though I had not seen his eyes, the feeling it gave me was retching in itself. I committed a terrible act out of fear, leaning into the darkness to save our skins. Of course, no one brought it up, which I was thankful for. To whatever Gods that may be looking over me, I hoped I would receive some sort of respite. How pretentious of me, how could I expect anything in return after I had all but shut the Force out. I was teetering on the edge of loosing my sanity, all because I was a coward. Sitting here in silence really made my brain work against itself in horrible ways. 

   I shoved my half finished drink away, pulling my shawl off the back of the seat and heading for the door. Ord Mantel was just about as seedy as it could get. The characters that inhabited the street life here were nothing but lowlife thugs. I was technically said 'low life thug', seeing how I had let myself become a mercenary. I missed Dario, I missed the refuge, but most of all, I missed Rex. I hadn't gotten much of a chance to speak with him since we parted ways, we were both on different paths after all. I wondered about his antics from time to time, I didn't dare interfere with it.

   I wanted to lie and say that I was content with my life, but it had only become less fulfilling as the days passed. The Force was still overwhelmed by the dark side, there was no confiding there. My name change had only served to bite me in the rear as well; Ashla. Spirit of the galaxy, another name for the light side of the Force. It contradicted who I was, I was anything but the light. I was no Jedi, the Jedi were gone along with any trace of the comforting embrace the light had provided. Maybe I was a fool to think I could go about my life just as any normal being.

   The galaxy was anything but normal. With each passing day, the Empire grew stronger, its claws sinking into everything it touched, tainting it. Empty. That's what the feeling was. I was completely and utterly empty. My compassion had dried out, my will to help the unfortunate dwindling. I was selfish, and if I wasn't, I wouldn't be hiding out in this shady town doing mercantile work. I huffed, kicking a rock with the toe of my boot, shuffling through the streets. I was a hinderance on the Batch, on Rex, on everyone. 

   I lost track of time, the sun beginning to set on the horizon, inhabitants turning in or going out for illegal activities for the night. The Marauder could be heard whizzing back down through the atmosphere, a rather quick mission despite my admissions. Echo and I left to where the Marauder docked, taking back off once more for yet another one of Cid's missions. I sat quietly in the cockpit, picking at my fingernails. I glanced over at Omega who.. seemed to be doing the same thing as me. My lips twitched into a small smile before I crossed my arms over my chest, looking to the front.

   The silence didn't last long before a transmission came in on the ship's frequency, my attention piqued. Hunter came up from the belly of the ship, Echo and Wrecker following suit as Tech displayed the recording. To my surprise, a familiar Twi'lek girl appeared. "Omega, it's Hera. You have to come back to Ryloth," Hera spilled out. Wrecker raised a brow, "Isn't she the kid from the weapons drop?" I stood up, my expression twisting into a scowl, "You delivered weapons to Ryloth and got involved with the Syndulla's?" I knew it, Cid once again left out fairly important information. Tech adjusted his goggles, “We were unaware.” I scoffed, of course they weren’t.

   "The Empire's taken my parents, and they're after me now too. I am sending coordinates. Please hurry. I need your help," Hera whimpered, the recording stopping. Hunter sighed, "You gave her our comm channel?" Omega looked down at the ground meekly, "For emergencies. That sounded pretty important.." I crossed my arms, I had met the Syndulla's.. once. I wasn't the biggest fan of Cham or how he did things with his freedom fighters, but he was a valuable asset to the Republic. As much as I disliked getting involved where the Empire was concerned, I felt I owed it to Cham and Eleni. 

   It didn't take much convincing on Omega's part to get Tech to calculate the coordinates to Hera's position. I owed it to Cham and Eleni to ensure their daughter was safe. As the ship dove down towards the surface of Ryloth, Tech flew us into some caverns that led us to Hera's coordinates. As we touched down, the six of us exited down the gangplank, an astromech meeting us. He trilled and spun around anxiously, forcing me to step back in caution of tripping over the little droid. "Thank you for coming. I wasn't sure you would," A small accented voice spoke out, approaching us through the darkness. Omega met with her, "You said you were in trouble."

   Hunter shared a look with me before looking to the young Twi'lek, "Care to tell us why the Empire is after you?" I let out a long sigh, "Because Cham Syndulla is her father." Hera looked at me, confusion spilling into her eyes. "I fought on Ryloth long ago.. I know your mother and your father," I spoke quietly, crossing my arms. "The freedom fighter?" Tech questioned. I nodded. Hera cupped her hands together, "The Empire has begun targeting anyone loyal to him." "What do you want us to do?" Echo questioned cautiously. Hera took in a deep breath, "Free my parents from the Capitol. That's where they being held." 

   I frowned, impossible. If the Empire was inhabiting this planet, the Capitol would surely be well guarded, not to mention the fact that who they were guarding was a high priority. Hera's expression grew desperate, "They can pay you if you get them out. Please? I don't have anyone else to ask.." My heart clenched at her words, and though I owed it to Cham, this would be well out of our scope. Too many unknown variables, too many what ifs. The Imperial presence was strong here, my stomach bubbling with anxiety already. Hunter, still agreed to check things out, with no guarantees. 

   From our vantage point, we were able to see what looked like a speech by none other than Admiral Rampart. Chopper amplified the signal to broadcast the speech to us, Rampart's grating voice echoing through for us to hear. My brows furrowed looking through my binoculars, my gaze traveling over the crowd. There was an alleged assassination attempt on the Senator, to which Hera told us it was a fluke. I felt my chest burn, my gaze flicking around until it settled on a familiar weapon. Omega spoke up first, "Uh.. Crosshair's here." "Great," I grumbled, the rest of the group getting up. I remained in place, continuing to scan the area, Hera and Omega scooting in to me. 

   I glanced over at Hera briefly before looking back to the crowd. "How do you know my parents?" Hera spoke, looking to me. I sighed, placing my binoculars down, "It's.. a long story.. In short, we're familiar with each other.." I trailed off, looking down at the gadget in my hands, "I owe it to them to help you." She nodded slowly, giving me a small smile. The hair on my arms stood up causing me to sit up, looking back at Hunter. He jogged off, disappearing before coming down on top of a probe droid, disabling it with his vibro knife. I stood, dusting the sand off my clothes, "Wonderful. Now they know we're here."  Hunter sighed, "And so will Crosshair. Come on. Let's move." 

   Back at the Marauder, Tech checked over the comm channels. The patrols had only gotten more dense, and my bounty was plastered everywhere. That horrid feeling twisted in my gut at the revelation, I was making this worse. I should've left a month ago when I hadn't gotten too caught up with Cid and the Batch. This had never been my intention. Hunter let everyone know to pack it up, there was nothing we could do now that we lost the element of surprise. I glared at him, Hera walking off sullenly. I owed Cham.. I sighed, casting once last glance to Hunter before walking after Hera.

   She curled her knees up to her chest, the little astromech, Chopper, trilling at my approach. I wasn't very good at comforting people, especially children, not now at least. "If you're anything like your parents, I know you're not just giving up," I broke the silence, crossing my arms. She hardly spared me a glance, "They don't want to help. It's pointless." I frowned, "They'll come around." "How can you be so trusting? You're a Jedi," She spoke. I flinched at the word, letting out a soft breath. I dropped down beside her, folding my legs up to my chest, "I know what it's like to have no one."

   She looked to me, her eyes glossed over with tears. My lips twitched, "They.. have taken on more than necessary. They didn't have to give me shelter, but they did." My brows furrowed softly, my gaze drifting to my feet. She shuffled slightly, "I'm sorry for what happened to the Jedi.. My father spoke highly of them." I looked to her, my gaze softening slightly. With the galaxy in such chaos, there were still people who believed the Jedi would come back. The Jedi did not hold the galaxy together, nor were they perfect in any sense. I forgot how much good we did do though. It all seemed to be overshadowed by that one day; the day we were all sentenced to death.

   I would never be who I once was, that was truth clean cut. I disgraced the name Ashla, I no longer embodied the light side of the Force. Darkness creeped up over my consciousness, the pull only growing stronger the more I strayed away. The look in Hera’s eyes looked genuine though, like she believed I truly was the hero she grew up knowing about. Ryloth was her home and she seemed to be the only person doing something about the Empire’s injustice. How could a child be more brave than I was? The more she looked at me, the more I felt myself cave in.

   "I will help you," I spoke, my expression forming into one of exasperation. She looked to me, "How?" "You know Ryloth because it's your home. That gives us an advantage over the Imperial patrols," I explained, looking to her. She nodded slowly, a small smile pulling at her lips, "I do." I hummed short, "Then let's formulate a plan." Hera seemed to grow hopeful at my words, despite not knowing if we'd get the Batches help or not. I promised her I'd help regardless of my internalized fear. I may have not been a Jedi anymore, but there was still good I could do no matter how damaged I truly was.

   Attacking the Imperial refinery. Hera knew their routines by heart since she led on about how much of a little spy she was, Eleni's doing I assumed. The reinforcements would be diverted from the Capitol leaving us with enough time to get Hera's parents. I suggested going alone, I knew the Capitol a decent amount. Hunter wasn't letting that slide, him and Echo would be tagging along. With my picture floating around, the moment I was seen, I would be dead on sight. Maker forbid Hunter let something happen to me and Rex found out, in his words, not mine.

   With that, we broke out, Hunter, Echo and I taking off towards the Capitol. Getting there was easy, but the Maker knew how much I loathed climbing. There were certain things I didn't miss from my time as a Jedi, the sneaking around missions being one of them. Hunter and Echo ascended before me, taking out the troopers on top before hoisting me up and over the wall. I looked around, flicking my fingers for them to follow me. I led them through the corridors, the two of them taking out troopers on our way through. 

   The corridors were familiar, they were once so calm, the light flitting in through the archways carved into the sandstone. My fingers gripped around my blaster tighter, the leather of my glove creaking in the silence. Hunter and Echo followed, checking open hallways before giving me the go ahead. My heart jumped further into my throat with every man they took down. I felt helpless, like my purpose was nothing more than to let everyone else to the dirty work. I forced my consciousness into the Force, no matter how much pain it caused me. An unfamiliar tingle formed in my chest, aching for a release.

   I stopped at another door, pressing a finger over my lips. The Force despite my struggles with it let me know of how many life forces lined the corridor beyond the door. I held up four fingers, waiting for their mark. Hunter gave me a nod and I slammed my hand into the keypad, the door hissing open. The two of them fired stun blasts while I ducked out of the way. My blaster was shot from my hand, causing me to hiss out in pain. My eyes narrowed, my left hand shooting out. I waved my hand to the left, shoving the trooper into the wall with the Force, knocking him out. My fingertips burned, holding my hand to my chest as I stared the now unconscious trooper on the floor.

   Another stalled at my display, his visor staring directly at me before he took action, firing at me. I jumped out of the way of his blaster fire, rolling into a crouch. His blaster fire went awry, letting me take advantage of his inexperience. I swung my arm up from under his, knocking his blaster away. He grabbed my biceps, pushing me into a wall, my head making contact. My vision blurred but I drove my leg up in between his legs, my shin cracking against his codpiece. It was enough force to get him to falter his hold on me, my hands coming up to shove him back into the adjacent wall with the Force. Echo jogged up to me, steadying me whilst I got my bearings.

   I held my head, the pounding sensation growing behind my eyes. Another stupid mistake on my part by letting my emotions dictate my decisions. My shin ached, a warm wetness trickling down the inside of my pant leg. I gave Echo a small nod, stepping away from him. Now that the troopers were cleared, we each opened the holding cells until I came across Eleni and Cham. I let out a sigh of relief, opening the cell. Eleni and Cham looked up, the Twi'lek woman's face morphing into surprise. I crossed my arms, "You two really can't stay out of trouble." Cham gave me a smile, Eleni coming forward to take my hands, "You're alive.." I stiffened at that but still forced a small smile. 

   "Hera sent us. I ensured her safety," I muttered, looking between the two of them. Cham began to speak but I cut him off, "We don't have time. Come on." They both gave me a nod, following after us. As we jogged down the corridors, the blaring alarms drilling into my already pounding head. My heart pounded in my chest, not from the adrenaline or the running, but from the eminent danger that lie ahead. My chest ached in a way I couldn’t explain, the Force tugging at my heart. I had pushed myself too far just like on Bracca when I pulled the ceiling down. I used the Force out of fear and anger, I used it against someone.

   The door to the rear exit to the landing dock slid open, the group slowing to a walk. I glanced at the large bay door, my gaze hardening. Hunter and Echo swept the room, Cham and Eleni along with their now freed freedom fighters waiting for our signal. I felt my heart stutter in my chest, a feeling washing over me. I continued towards the bay door slowly until my palm pressed over it. I felt him, I felt his irritation, his anger. I felt his eyes on the door, his finger itching to pull the trigger. He was waiting, along with so many others. 

  "Cham, wait," A Clone spoke. I whipped around, my hand shooting out. His blaster was pulled from his hands straight into mine, my eyes narrowed at him. He stepped back, pulling his helmet off, his eyes wide. Cham stepped up, holding a hand in front of me before looking to the Clone to continue to speak. His eyes drifted from me to him, "I'm just trying to help. There's a squad out there waiting for you." I glanced back at the hangar door, the feeling resurfacing. I felt it despite the many distractions going on through my head. I felt who specifically no matter how far he stood waiting. I looked back to Cham, "What he says is the truth." 

   Cham looked to me, the Clone's attention shifting to me as well. His eyes held sorrow, my eyes narrowing at him in return. I felt a certain level of familiarity, maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me. He was not Jax. "I'm on your side. What the Empire is doing is wrong. You have to get out of here. They have the exits blocked," He spoke again, looking between Cham and Eleni desperately. They agreed, taking a different plan instead. They headed off to where the Senators ship was docked, Hunter and Echo looking at me before following. I handed him back his blaster hesitantly as I passed, my heart feeling heavier.

   "General Solis, right?" The Clone spoke, causing me to halt in my tracks. I turned, looking to him, my brows furrowed. "Howzer. I knew Commander Jax well," He spoke, his gaze soft, no hint of deception or malice. My gaze softened, turning sorrowful, "Why are you helping us? You know they will arrest you." He grunted, "I have to try." I nodded softly, swallowing hard. He hesitated for a moment before saluting sharply to me. My lips cracked open, my eyes burning with tears. I felt conflicted, but I felt gratitude seep itself way into my chest. My lips pulled into a firm line, my right hand coming up into a salute as well. His lips twitched slightly and I let my hand fall, giving him a nod. 

   As I turned away, he called out to me once more, "Be wary of Crosshair, General." I stiffened, glancing back at him slightly, "It seemed personal when he said he'd kill you."

-

   "Rex, seriously. I don't need you worrying about me," I grumbled. "Your face is plastered everywhere. What were you thinking?" He hissed out, his eyes narrowing at me. I frowned, "I owed a favor. I'm in perfect health, I don't see the issue." His frustration had peaked, he was not happy with what happened on Ryloth. We barely landed back on Ord Mantel before a transmission came in on the Marauder, the squad leaving me to take it privately. I wished they hadn't, maybe Rex would've been a little less.. Rex. "You're being reckless. Do you know what could've happened if they caught you?" He exclaimed.

   I crossed my arms, "Yes, in fact, you've reminded me about six times now." "I'm coming to get you," He growled. I was floored, my jaw dropping, "Absolutely not. You can't govern my life, Rex." He scoffed, "Maybe someone should. You're not thinking, you're gonna get yourself killed." "It's not as if I'm safe either way, Rex. You're asking me to sit around and let everyone tend to my every need. I'm not a child, and I'm not helpless," I snapped, smacking my hand against the console. I saw his jaw tense, his glare driving into my soul through the holo.

   Finally, he sighed, most of the tension in his face dissolving, "I know, but you're just.." He trailed off. My eyes softened slightly, but I remained firm, "I can handle myself, Rex. I know my limits." He nodded, his eyes flickering over my face. I understood his concerns, I wasn't trying to be dismissive towards him. I just hated being constantly treated like I was fragile, I wasn't. Maybe mentally I wasn't as strong, but I was still physically capable of taking care of myself, with or without the Force.

   Now, I hadn't told him about what Howzer said, that would only further drive the nail into my future coffin. His words haunted me, it was personal. Rex would probably shove me into a hole and never let me out had he found out. I could ponder on that situation at a later time, as long as I was far away from him, my death wouldn't be so quick. "You’re important.. to me. I just want what’s best for you," He spoke, the blue tone of the hologram darkening on his cheeks. My lips twitched into a small frown, "Trust that I am working on what’s best for me, Rex..” He nodded, his own lips pulling into a straight line.

   “I’ll see you soon, hm?” I assured, trying to catch his gaze with mine. He nodded curtly, his face forming into his normal straight faced expression, "Of course, runi." There was that word again, runi. Maybe I'd ask Tech about that later.. I cleared my throat, smiling wryly at him, "I should get going.. I'm sure Cid has some colorful words for me as well." He chucked softly, "Go on. I'll be in touch." I gave him another nod before the holo went dark, staring at the spot he once was for a moment longer.

   My chest felt tight after speaking with Rex, my hands unclenching atop the console. I let a slow breath, trying to ease my rapid heartbeat, standing to my feet. 'It seemed personal when he said he would kill you'. I felt nauseous, my head still pounding from the headache the strain the Force gave me. I needed to find somewhere to settle down, soon, continuing to travel around and putting myself out there was only making my precarious situation even worse. I knew Rex was partly right, what was I thinking going to Ryloth? Getting involved with a military occupation had not been one of my greatest ideas.

   I walked into the belly of the ship, stopping at the work bench where I felt the tug on my heart go. My chest felt empty now despite my chat with Rex. I knelt down, tugging the crate from underneath, sliding the top off and leaning it against the side. Inside was an over accumulation of spare parts Tech had acquired and sometimes fiddled with. What lie on the bottom remained hidden, the burgundy cloth strip tied over irreplaceable items. I reached my hands inside, gently shuffling the item out from underneath the whatnots, placing it on the workbench. 

   I stood, my fingers tracing over the leather knot at the center, my hands coating in perspiration. I gave the little knot a tug with my fingers, the material coming loose. My breaths felt short, licking my lips and swallowing hard. I don't know why I did this, why I bothered even trying to pick them up, I loathed the weapons. Still, my fingers slid under the fabric, flicking it off on either side, revealing the items to my wary eyes. The light did not shine against the dulled gun metal of the hilts, the intricacies looked worn and rubbed out of the surface. I held my hand over them, the faint hum of the kyber crystals making my stomach churn.

   Looking at them made me undeniably ill, my vision growing progressively hazy as I stared down at them. Not even the Force could whisper feelings of understanding to my pained soul, this felt wrong. As often as I thought about it, I knew I had an answer. I knew why I had lived, I knew why the Gods above decided to spare my life over others. I lived because I ran. I turned away from my men when they needed me most, taking their lives in turn for mine. I was troubled, a failed image of what the Jedi should be, a disgrace to an Order that no longer existed.

   How many times had I taken life without absolving my sin? Was it my careless actions that led me down this dark and cruel path, or was it what I was truly destined for? I sighed, brushing my fingertips along the surface of one of the hilts, my fingers tingling at the contact. The Force knew how often I dreamt of death, of what the other side could look like. Four months. My life ended four months ago and yet time continued on like it had never even happened. The Jedi were gone. Gone. The Jedi.. were gone. All while I was left here to scrounge up any remaining strength to move on and continue like it hadn't ruined me.

-

   Another job for Cid, another payment of a few measly credits that we worked way too hard for. I sat in the gunners bay since Omega offered her space so kindly to me. My palms rested over my thighs, my eyes sealed shut. The hum of the ship lulled me into a somewhat calm state of mind, coaxing me to try and meditate. My thoughts had been anything but quiet, too many things plagued me. Nightmares had become more recent, ones of when the purge happened. Jax and the 287th would have been successful if not for my awareness. But in my dreams, Jax was successful. Crosshair was successful. 

   I had no inner peace, not while knowing Crosshair made my death personal to him. The whispers in my ears were savage, claws scraping behind my tired eyes. Would he hesitate if given the opportunity to take my life? I often thought about our near meeting almost a month ago, how I could feel his presence like he was standing before me. How I was able to connect with a man I hated nearly as much as he did me was beyond my scope. The Force worked in mysterious ways, ways in which I wished it didn’t. Would I strike him down first though?

   My eyes fluttered open, the haze fading as the streams of hyperspace filled my vision. I let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose in annoyance. I failed to remain focused yet again. Meditation used to be beneficial, now it was just a place for my thoughts to fry my brain some more. I slid out from the gunners bay, walking past Hunter, Wrecker and Omega into the cock pit. I slid into one of the seats just as we were hailed. I sat up, Echo glancing back to me, “It’s Rex.” I quirked a brow, “I just spoke with him a few weeks ago..” Hunter, Omega and Wrecker came up, Tech patching him through.

   Rex appeared, hooded, his gaze raising to meet us. He flashed me a quick glance, but not his usual smile. He sighed, “Hello, boys. Sorry to cut right to it, but I could use your help.” “What do you need, Captain?” Hunter responded. “I received a distress signal from a clone trooper. I’m a bit tied up at the moment to retrieve him,” Rex spoke, glancing over his shoulder. My eyes narrowed, standing to my feet, “Tied up? Rex—” “I’m fine, runi,” Rex cut me off, but his gaze remained averted from mine. Hunter glanced to me, a questioning look in his eyes before he looked back to Rex, “You want us to recover a reg?” Rex nodded, “He’s an old friend, and he’s in trouble. I need you to get him out.” 

   “Out of what?” Hunter questioned. A trill emitted from his comm, causing him to look around. What in the blazes had he gotten himself into? “Cant talk right now. Sending you his signal. I’ll be in touch,” He spewed out, glancing at me before the holo went dark. My jaw tensed, worry wracking my gut at his abrupt departure. “The distress signal sent by CC-5576 is originating from Dario, a terrestrial planet in the Outer Rim with no known settlements or installments,” Tech spoke. I frowned, Dario? That’s where Rex originally founded the refuge, where the Empire had inevitably found us, through me. “That’s far off,” Hunter added, looking to Echo who stood. “Does it matter?” Echo replied. 

   “We’ve gone on missions before without much intel. This is stretching it,” Hunter argued. I sighed, “Rex wouldn’t ask us for help if it wasn’t urgent.” Wrecker nodded, “She’s got a point.” Tech rose a brow, “May I remind you that we are in the middle of a job for Cid. If we deviate, we will not be compensated. No money means no food.” Wrecker groaned, “Oh, yeah. Tech’s got a point. My brows furrowed, looking at Wrecker with an exasperated expression. “But Rex’s friend is in trouble. That’s more important than getting paid,” Omega added. “Well, the kids got a point,” Wrecker added on. We all looked to Hunter who seemed deep in thought, actively waiting for his approval. He sighed, “Fine. We’ll check things out.”

   Upon reaching Dario, Tech brought us in low in case of any possible tracking scanners. I was filled with unease as we entered the atmosphere, memories of the refuge filling my mind. Thoughts of Faye and Kelian made me sorrowful, the planet looking just as beautiful as when I left it. As we touched down, the squad and I exited the Marauder, stepping out into Dario’s warm forest environment. I followed after the squad, looking around. The Force was still just as strong here as before, life was everywhere, but the cold had touched it. They seemed to have found the beacon, Echo waving me on to catch up.

   I jogged after them through the dense foliage, feeling a tug at my chest. I usually pitted it on anxiety, but as we came to a stop, Hunter looked up at the mountain. He shared a glance with me, to which I gave him a soft nod. “There’s something in there,” Hunter spoke. Tech walked up between us, tapping at his data pad, “I believe you are right. My scans are being jammed.” “You said there was nothing on this planet,” Wrecker groaned. I turned, my brows furrowing, “There wasn’t.” Hunter looked between us before settling on me, “Go with Wrecker and Omega, wait on the ship.” I frowned, “I don’t understand.” 

   “Coming here was up for debate. This isn’t,” He retorted, his tone laced with warning. I glared, placing a hand on Omega’s shoulder who was disappointed as well. I guided her away, Wrecker following after us. Omega pouted nearly the entire way, I couldn’t blame her, we were being sacked for no reason. I trudged up the gangplank, heading straight for the cockpit. I slumped down into a chair, Omega and Wrecker shuffling around until they laid out Dejarik. I watched quietly, watching the pieces go back and forth between the two of them.

   The comm chirped, Hunter’s voice cracking through, “Ashla, do you copy?” I pressed it, “We read you. What’s going on?” “We found an Imperial base built inside the mountain. We’re going in,” Hunter spoke. Omega perked up, “Wait for us!” “Negative. Stay in the ship. You’re our backup. Comms will be jammed once we’re inside, so keep alert,” Hunter commanded, the channel going silent. I patted her head, “That’s alright. They don’t know what they’re missing.” She sighed dejectedly, returning to the game with Wrecker. I stood up, walking around the two into the belly of the ship.

   I climbed up into the gunners bay, tucking my legs under me as I got comfortable. At least we were on a relatively quiet planet despite the Empire ruining it. Maybe the Empire hadn’t come here because they found me, maybe it was for the purpose of whatever Imperial base they’ve built here. I could’ve stayed with Rex, there would’ve been risks, but now it seemed as if they were minor from the beginning. I sighed, clenching my eyes harder. All I ever did was think about my mistakes instead of finding solutions. Meditation was pointless. 

   I needed to find some place of my own, somewhere I could live in solitude without harming anyone. I couldn’t continue leaching off of the Batch, I brought more unnecessary attention to their already existing issues. They were deserters, I was a traitor. I groaned, leaning my head back into the wall behind me, giving up. What a joke. I slid out of the gunners bay, making my way back to the cockpit where Wrecker was now leaned back, relaxing while Omega was sitting on the gangplank outside, waiting. I sighed, walking around her to sit in the pilots seat.

   We sat there for what felt like forever until the comm pinged, Omega rushing to the cockpit to answer. She answered, “We read you, Hunter.” Wrecker and I sat up straighter, listening to the comm. “We have the target, but we ran into some trouble. We need a pick up,” Hunter spoke. I was already twisting in the pilot seat, priming the engines. Wrecker flipped a few switches as I pulled us up, taking us out of the tree line towards the mountain. Wrecker stood, slipping his helmet on as we approached, Omega slipping into the now open seat. I slowed us down, edging the ship towards the opening. 

   As the ramp opened up, Wrecker began to fire back into the mountain. I shifted the ship closer, trying to stabilize us from hitting it and then us all going down. The proximity alarm beeped rapidly, causing me to weave away from the mountain to avoid being hit. “Kriff,” I growled out. Tech made it on board, relieving me of flying, whilst I went to the copilot seat Omega evacuated.  Tech pulled us away while I moved the shields to the rear. We were being hounded, the ship rumbling, alarms blaring. Tech kept barking information at me, to which I merely ignored. “I do know how to fly a ship,” I growled out.

   The console blared again, the shields were disabled from a direct hit. Tech and I looked to each other, the ship beginning to tip down towards the left. I began furiously tapping at the console, but nothing was working. I glanced back, Omega plugging Gonky into the ship, generating enough power for the system to come back online. I gave her a thumbs up, spinning back around. I brought the shields back up just as Tech drove us down into a nose dive, pulling us out of the way of incoming fighters. We flew back towards the mountain, and I jumped out of my seat, running to the belly of the ship. 

   I pulled my blaster, using the wall as cover as I shot back, giving Hunter and Echo time to load up. As Echo jumped on board, more fighters came in, shooting at the wall beside us. Tech veered the ship down, causing me to lose my footing. My blaster slid away but I forced myself to my feet, going to the ramp. “Jump!” I yelled out to Hunter, raising my hands out. He looked down, jumping towards the ramp. My fingers curled, the Force straining at his weight, pulling him towards us. The ship was hit again, sending me falling backwards. My head hit the floor but I could hear Omega yelling out to Hunter. 

   I rolled myself over, standing to my feet with the help of Echo, looking out to the ramp. My heart dropped, the air leaving my lungs completely. Hunter wasn’t there. Omega was shouting, Wrecker was holding her back, Echo was talking to me but I couldn’t hear anything over the thrumming in my ears. He handed me off to another clone, I think he called him Gregor? He was injured, he was looking at me like he’d seen a ghost. My heart was beating so quickly, I thought it might jump from my throat. I stared at the now closed gangplank, my eyes stinging with tears. I had failed. I failed at saving Hunter, just like I had everyone else.

Chapter Text

  Failure. Failure. Failure. Failure. Failure.

   I chucked another rock into the wall, debris coming loose from it. I gripped at my hair, pacing back and forth. How could I be so stupid? What was even thinking, trying to draw on the Force so suddenly. Hunter fell. He fell and then we left, all while I sat there in shock, startling poor Gregor. I did nothing to comfort Omega who seemingly blew her lid at Hunter's last words before the comms cut out when we jumped to hyperspace. I sat there. I did nothing. Wrecker had tried to come and comfort me, I had snapped at him too. I didn't mean to, I wasn't a bad person..

   The internal warfare going on inside my head was raging, words of self pity and selfishness pounded in my ears. It was dark, so dark, my eyes well dried out from the tears that had spilled in my rage. I had gone out far enough to let my rage take its course, letting it settle into numbness. Another person I couldn't save. Another thing I failed at protecting, just like the peace in the galaxy. I hated the Jedi. I hated the galaxy. I hated the Empire. I hated myself. I hated everything. I wished it had been me in Hunters place, it was what I deserved.

   The Force had woken in me from its dormant state, filling me with inexplicable emotions. It was like a switch I couldn't shut off no matter how hard I willed it. It fed off of my hatred, my agony, it pulled me into its claws with fervor. It pained me. I had to dispel these feelings of hate before they consumed me. I dropped to my knees, cupping my hands over my ears, my fingernails digging into my scalp. Shut up. Please. My pleas were met with no remorse, the pain behind my eyes growing. 

   I had strayed so far from the light, I blamed that on myself. I created attachments where I never should've, caring so deeply about the Clones. My feelings were misplaced, I was settling where I had failed before. I couldn't force them to be like Jax, nor the 287th. I had lost them all, the pain of that loss had seeped into the loss of Hunter. My comm beeped, breaking me from my trance. I stiffened, lowering my hands to rest over my thighs. I sucked in a slow deep breaths through my nose, trying to steel the storm inside of me as I opened my channel, "Yes?" I rasped out.

   "Get to the ship," Echo demanded. My jaw clenched, my fingers curling, "Why?" "If you plan on helping us, we're going after Hunter," He spoke again, the channel going dark. I stood slowly, an eerie feeling of calm settling over me. I stared at the ground before me, my pulse beating in my ears before I turned, heading towards the ship. I didn't know whether to fear this sudden change within me or to accept it. I was running on fumes, unable to sleep, unable to relax. I shouldn't go, but something inside of me begged me to. 

   As I neared the ship, I trudged up the gangplank, avoiding Omega's gaze as I passed by. I knew they didn't blame me for Hunter's capture, how could I have possibly stopped that from happening. I could've pulled harder, I could've done more. If I had been focused instead of wallowing in my self pity, maybe I wouldn't be such a lame excuse of a Jedi. I landed in a seat just as Tech pulled the Marauder off the ground, staring at my hands in my lap. I could feel Echo's eyes on me, his emotions hitting me like a wild Vancor. If Rex were here, he'd be looking at me the same way Echo was.

   "Kamino," He spoke, causing me to glance up at him. My brows furrowed, then I frowned. If Hunter was going to Kamino, that meant one thing, Crosshair had him. My jaw tensed, my breaths growing deeper. There was that rage that hid beneath the unsettling calm within me, the rage I couldn't control despite my best efforts. I stood, leaving the cockpit, heading for the rear of the ship, footsteps echoing after me. I didn't stop, my eyes blurring. "Ashla—" I snapped around, "No," I growled out, glaring at him. He shook his head, "I will not have you come with us if you can't control yourself." "Control myself? I am well aware of self control, Echo," I hissed out. 

   "Obviously not. You haven't said a word since Dario, and now, you look ready to explode. Sit down and take a breath," He gritted out. I stepped back, stunned at his tone, my words dying on my tongue, letting myself fall back into the chair behind me. He continued, "If you cannot keep yourself in check, stay on the ship. I will not allow you to destroy yourself for the sake of others." My lips twitched, my hands slackening from their clenched state as I let a wavering breath out. His expression softened slightly, "You know you're better than this. This wasn't your fault."

   I was better than this. I was better than letting my anger blind me, letting my emotions run rampant. I was dangerous, whatever I had let myself come had started running my life the day the purge happened. Now that Crosshair was involved, the intensity had only grown. "I'm not who I was, Echo," I rasped out. Echo knelt down, pulling the crate out from under the workbench, shuffling around inside of it until he pulled the burgundy cloth wrapped items out. He stood, placing them on top of the workbench, "You are, General." He walked away, leaving me sitting in silence.

   Echo was much like Rex, no nonsense type of guy, though his emotional approach was no where near Rex's scope. He believed I was still that same Jedi General he served under during the war. I was anything but that, but for Hunters sake, I had to try. I felt the ship pull out of hyperspace, but I didn't move. I stared at the cloth wrapped items he pulled out, the gentle humming of the kyber crystals singing in my ears. You're better than this. I was afraid, rightfully so. I was walking back into the Empire's clutches yet again. If Crosshair had truly been manipulated by the chip, I would do what I must.

   As the ship touched down, the others exited the cockpit. I stood, adjusting my shawl over my belt, tugging my hood up over my head. It would do little to shield me from the torrent of the wind and rain Kamino had to offer. Echo's visor turned to me, my gaze avoiding his. I followed out after Wrecker, Omega and Tech leading us down the gangplank and onto the landing pad. My lightsabers hung heavy on my belt, a reminder of the decision I had made. Five months ago I would have never touched them, now they were back in place like they'd never left.

   I held my hand over my eyes, the salt water stinging my skin from the powerful winds. I could hardly see the facility from where we had landed, the faint glow of the landing strip through the storm. Omega took the lead, the rest of us following after her. She typed at a console, the floor opening up and raising a turbo lift to the platform. She looked at us expectantly, the four of us staring in confusion but ultimately followed her onto the lift. I stood beside her, watching her press a few different buttons before a bubbled formed around us. We began moving downward, lights from the underwater tube casting an eerie glow.

   I kept my gaze on the floor, trying to keep my anxiety under wraps. "This transportation is not documented anywhere," Tech spoke. Echo huffed, "Kaminoans keep a lot of secrets." I looked to Omega who was staring at the console, spaced out. She didn't want to be here, it was practically eating her up from the inside out. "Omega, how did you know this existed?" Tech question. She let out a breath, "Nala Se. This tunnel leads to her private research lab." I placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. She didn't respond, remaining silent. I looked to Echo who also had a concerned look on his features, shaking my head softly.

   The tube led upwards into the facility until we slowed to a stop, the bubble opening up into a darkened room. Lights slowly flickered on, the team spreading out. I walked around, my gaze flicking over the many tubes that lined the walls, sample trays, and different consoles. It gave me an unsettling feeling, why hide a lab from the rest of the city? "What's so special about this lab?" Wrecker questioned, my gaze moving to Omega. She walked up to a wall of tubes, resting a small hand over one of them, "This is where I was created. You all were here too." 

   My brows furrowed, walking back over towards the group. "What do you mean?" Tech questioned. "Your mutations were enhanced in this room. Experimental Unit 99 began right here. I was there," Omega spoke, turning to us. Confusion washed over the entire room, leaving everyone including myself speechless. It made sense, Omega's growth seemed to be that of a normal child, meaning she was older than the squad. "Something's not right. All the central files have been wiped. There's nothing here," Echo spoke, detaching his scomp link. Wrecker grumbled about something, but I looked over my shoulder, a tingling sensation spreading over my spine.

   Metal clanking could be heard, getting the entire groups attention, all weapons being drawn. My hand rested over one of my hilts, my eyes narrowing at the source of the sound. A droid floated out from behind one of the consoles, its hands raised complacently, "Do not shoot! I am AZI-345211—" "AZI?" Omega exclaimed, lowering her energy bow. "Omega, I am relieved it is you," The droid floated forward, spinning around. I relaxed, turning away to walk back towards the opposite end of the room, pressing a hand to my forehead. My heart was beating out of my chest, my hands coating with perspiration. 

   The situation was progressively getting more real for me by the minute, I doubted myself. I couldn't be strong like Echo said I was, I couldn't face Crosshair of all people. 'It sounded personal when he said he'd kill you'. Yeah, and i'm sure it would be when I inevitably saw him face to face. As long as Hunter was rescued, my death wouldn't be in vain. "Ashla," Echo called out, "Let's move." I let out a slow breath, turning to look at him, giving him a short nod before jogging after them.

   As we ran through the corridors, I was met with unease. The plain white walls and floors had never been so empty before. I had been to Kamino twice, both times it was bustling with Clones. It felt almost too quiet without the rhythmic sound of footsteps. I followed through an opening, running down the long strip outside towards the opposite side of the facility, rain soaking into my already damp shawl. I shivered but continued on despite the conditions and blaring of the warning alarm overhead. When we entered the facility again, rounding a corner into the adjacent corridor.

   I slowed to a stop when I felt multiple life forces approaching, "Come," I whispered, taking cover behind a wall, the group following. I placed a finger to my lips, the sound of footsteps echoing down the corridor. "AZI, you said all the clone troopers were gone," Omega hissed out. The droids head swiveled towards her, "Correct. Those are not Clone troopers." My brows furrowed, looking to Echo as he spoke, "They're TK troopers, like the ones on Dario." Realization passed over me, I had seen these 'TK troopers' on Lynniam. They were being integrated in with the Clone troopers, that's why it had been so easy for me to evade their patrols. I scoffed, "They're nothing impressive."

   I received looks of confusion, I simply rolled my eyes and got up from the wall. "We're clear," I mumbled. The group took off down the corridor again, Tech leading us. I could feel the presence of Crosshair growing, he was here. I wished I could say exactly where, but I was lucky I even felt him to begin with. His presence filled me with loathing, with fear and anger. I would do what I had to do. Tech's data pad trilled again, and we turned down another corridor. I kept my head on a swivel, looking around as we passed through more empty halls. 

   Tech led us into another room, the group slowing to a walk. I huffed out a sharp breath, my legs feeling wary. "According to the comm signal, Hunter is directly above us," Tech spoke. I shut my eyes, shoving my consciousness into the Force. I could feel Hunter... and Crosshair. "The training room? That's open ground. If Crosshair's waiting he'll pick us off," Echo growled out. I shook my head, my eyes clenching tighter, "He is.." "What else do you feel?" Echo questioned. I felt him approach me, but I merely let out an agitated sigh, "I don't know.. It's messy, too much going on between them." 

   "Hm, this is precisely why we will not be entering through the main entrance. We'll enter through the lift," Tech spoke. I opened my eyes, looking back to him, "I'm not sure that's going to matter much." I stalked away from them towards the turbo lift, the others following. Omega stayed behind much to her displeasure, but it was for her safety. "Are you sure you can do this?" Echo spoke, the three men looking to me. My expression remained the same, "Take us up." I pulled the hilts of my lightsabers from my belt, my fingers wrapping around them tight. Tech nodded, activating the lift. 

   The ceiling slid open, the lift hissing as it began to lift us up. My heartbeat was in my throat, my limbs tingling with anticipation. I parted my feet, taking a defensive stance as we slowly moved higher. Then, anxiety flooded my chest, the lift hissing to a halt. Twelve troopers in ash armor surrounded us, blasters pointed at the four of us in the center, at the head of the group, Crosshair and Hunter. My head swiveled from side to side, every time I moved, their blasters adjusted. "And here we all are, together again," Crosshair spoke, tossing Hunter's comm link onto the floor before us. 

   "And you brought the Jedi. Wonderful," He spoke again, my gaze lifting to meet his visor. His helmet tilted slightly, and I could feel his eyes travel over me. He sighed, "You won't be needing your weapons." The troopers that surrounded us grew closer, threatening us were their numbers. My feet shuffled slightly, my hands gripping around my hilts. Hunter gave a small nod, the group dejectedly standing down. They each tossed their weapons in while mine remained in my hands, refusing to back down. "Yours especially," Crosshair growled. My eyes narrowed at him, but Hunter gave me a look, silently pleading with me to just comply.

   I hesitantly stood up straight, tossing the hilts into their pile of blasters. My jaw clenched, watching him nod his head at me, "Hands behind your head." A trooper on my right approached me and I scowled, "Why just me?" Crosshair grunted, "You pulled a ceiling down on top of me." I did, didn't I. I should've aimed for his head. I glared at him, slowly raising my hands, interlacing my fingers behind my head. The trooper that approached slapped cuffs on either one of my wrists before stepping away, returning to their position. He looked around, "Where's your little side kick?"

   "You think we'd bring her around?" Wrecker chuckled out nervously. I sighed, shaking my head softly. Crosshair's helmet tilted slightly, "Lying was never your strength, Wrecker. Find the kid," He growled out, looking to one of the troopers. The trooper walked off, eleven remaining. I glared daggers at Crosshair, I could feel his body itching to pull the blaster away from Hunter to shoot at me in turn. There were so many words I wanted to say, so many things I wanted to do; all of them in which I ended up dead after. Crosshair commanded his troopers to retain their positions despite him just looking over us, saying nothing, doing nothing. 

   What was his play? Why had he not shot me down yet along with the rest of the squad? Hunter seemed to grow impatient despite his normally cool demeanor, "So, this was your grand plan? Bring us here and kill us?" Crosshair scoffed, "If I wanted you dead, you would be. Not that it wouldn't be justified. You betrayed everything we stood for. And for what? The Republic? This Jedi?" I stiffened at his words, swallowing down the bile that crept up my throat. "We're loyal to each other, not some Empire," Hunter growled out. "You weren't loyal to me," Crosshair hissed.

   I felt a pang of anger at his words, in what situation were his actions justifiable? He had purposely tried to kill his brothers, made my death personal, all while working for the enemy. Chip or not, he was thinking one sided. "I was one of you. You may have forgotten, but I haven't. And that's why I'm going to give you what you never gave me: a chance," He spoke. My eyes narrowed at him, my fingernails digging into the tops of my hands. He wasn't making any sense, his demeanor was too docile to be under the chips influence— No. I sucked in a sharp breath, my gaze softening on him.

   I watched him answer his comm, responding with about what to do with the 'kid'. I gritted my teeth, "Don't." His helmet swiveled towards me, "It's for her own good. Don't pretend to be something you're not." I flinched slightly at his implication, my gaze hardening once more. He looked back to Hunter, "We’re better than the Regs. We're superior," He cut the binds from Hunters wrists, pushing him towards us, "We were brothers once, we can be again." I saw Tech nudge Wrecker, to which I looked where he did. My eyes landed on Crosshair's reflector pucks, my heart thudding in my chest.

   I glanced to my right, noting the presence of five more. Ten in total, eleven troopers. He was going to kill them all. "Why should we trust you?" Hunter questioned. Crosshair moved his blaster from Hunter, pointing it at me. My chest heaved, my throat constricting from the tension of my jaw. "Stand down," He growled out. "Negative, Commander," One of the troopers spoke, the rest of them adjusting their stances. My pulse was loud in my ears, my knees feeling weak with every moment of silence. Crosshair looked to me, my eyes bleeding into the green visor of his helmet. It was almost as if he were silently communicating to me, telling me not to move, so I didn't.

   I shut my eyes when I heard his blaster go off, hearing the round ricochet off of the reflector pucks. Bodies hit the ground, my eyes slowly fluttering open. I didn't dare look at the bodies that now lay unmoving across the ground around us, my eyes remaining locked on his visor. He stared me down for a moment longer before he pointed his blaster at Hunter, looking to the squad. I pulled my bound hands over my head in front of me, finally tearing my gaze away from him. "Does that answer your question?" He spoke again, his voice clear now, unmodulated. 

   "You're all meant for more than drifting through the galaxy. It's time to stop running. Join the Empire, and you will have purpose again," Crosshair spoke. My gazed turned to him, "Purpose? You must be joking." He grunted, "You know very well what you could be." I scoffed, shaking my head. What I 'could be'. "You really don't get who we are, do you?" Hunter questioned. "Don't make the same mistake twice. Don't become my enemy," Crosshair warned. Hunter shook his head, "Crosshair, we never were." Alarms began to blare out, causing me to look around. Droids rose up from the floor, my feet parting in anticipation.

   Just as they began to fire, I dove to the floor. I huffed, tugging at my bound hands. I saw Hunter Crosshair rolling across the ground, throwing punches, Tech, Wrecker and Echo shooting back at the droids all while I laid on the ground helpless. I rolled behind one of the slopes, scooting up to press my back to it. I growled, "Tech!" I  thrusted my bound hands upwards, Tech looked over, a shot hit directly in the middle of my bound hands, my wrists coming loose. I thrusted my hands outward towards my abandoned lightsabers, calling them to me. They jittered on the ground before they flew into my hands, the yellow blades flaring to life. 

   I hurdled over the slope, spinning my blades around to deflect the incoming blaster fire. My adrenaline rushed in, coating over the fear and anxiety I had previously felt. I spun around, my lightsabers moving in tune with my body, my consciousness feeling focused. I dove forward, rolling as I let my left blade swing outward towards catch a droids legs, severing them. The droid sparked as I fell towards the ground, my right blade spinning around to slice its head off. I felt alive, my blood feeling hot and ready for action. I spun around with my blades like I had never put them down to begin with, blaster fire spraying around me.

   I spun out of the way of a blaster shot, catching my footing while I spun my left blade into a reverse grip. Time felt as if it moved in slow motion, my eyes connecting with Crosshair’s as I deactivated my blades. His rifle was propped up against his shoulder, his head tilted in as he lined his eye up with the scope. He fired, his shot flaring past my ear and hitting its mark behind me. I didn't dare move, my knees bending as I held my sabers at the ready. Kill him before he kills you. He didn't move, the barrel of his rifle unmoving as he looked up to me. My feet shifted, my knees locking as I launched myself towards him.

   As I neared him, he ducked, my legs launching me up off the ground. I rolled over his back, my blades surging to life. I swung down on another droid, incapacitating the droid behind him. My feet skidded to a stop, the blaster fire seemingly ending. I panted softly, my blades humming in the now silent room. I turned, spinning my left blade around into a forwards grip whilst my right one deactivated, pointing it at his neck. Hunter pointed his blaster at him as well, the rest of the squad surrounding him. Crosshair didn't look at us, his gaze trained on the ground.

   "Forget the Empire. This isn't you. It's your inhibitor chip. We can help you," Hunter pleaded. Crosshair shook his head, "Wrong. I had my chip removed a long time ago." I faltered, my grip on my hilt slackening. "What? When?" Hunter spoke. "Does it matter?" Crosshair sighed. I bared my teeth, "Yes." Crosshair looked to me, his eyes narrowing, "This is who I am." My brows furrowed, my grip firming up as he looked back to Hunter. The two of them stared at one another, Crosshair's grip on his rifle tightening. When Crosshair moved to shoot, Hunter had already fired, stunning him. 

   He fell to his knees and onto the ground unceremoniously, his rifle clattering to the ground. I let out a breath, my saber whirring as I lowered it, kicking his rifle away from his unconscious body. I stared at him whilst the others reunited along with Omega, my blade deactivating. I hooked the hilts back onto my belt, slowly dropping to my knees beside Crosshair. I reached out with my right hand, tilting his head slightly. My fingers ran over the rigid burn scar on the right side of head. The pain and agony I felt on Bracca.. This is what it originated from. This was the clarity that had been released into the Force.

   "Three Venators are descending on the city. We need to leave, now," Tech exclaimed. I stood slowly, looking to Hunter. He sighed, "Wrecker, grab Crosshair. He's coming with us." I looked at him incredulously, "What? He tried to kill us." Hunter glared back at me with warning, "He deserves a chance." I scoffed, shaking my head as I turned away, "Like he gave you so many." The group began to take off towards the exit, Wrecker slinging Crosshair over his shoulder. I glared at the unconscious sniper, following after as Hunter gave me a nudge.

   Unease settled over my consciousness, my feet feeling heavy with every step I took. The corridors felt even more eerie with the alarms blaring overhead, my heart pounding in my ears. The Force trilled loudly, the hair on my arms standing straight. Thunder cracked outside, but it wasn't loud enough to cover the deafening sound of the Venators opening fire. The facility shook as it was hit, my feet skidding to a halt. The lights flickered, the corridor going black. "Get to the lift!" Hunter yelled out, the group continuing down the corridor.  Upon the door opening, cannon fire sprayed around, the catwalk crumbling before us.

   Hunter yelled at us again to get back inside, to which we followed. I stopped, looking back at Omega. I ran up to her, grabbing her hand, "Omega." I tugged her along with me, taking off after the squad. I tugged Omega along, shielding my eyes from the sparks flying. The ground shook, my hand gripping Omega's tighter. My gaze snapped around, every hit shaking the facility. I felt Omega's hand grip onto mine harder, her little legs keeping up with my long strides. My heart jumped up into my throat, my spine tingling. I tugged Omega in front of me as a blast hit the corridor above us.

   I hit the ground, my temple coming into contact with the ground. A loud piercing noise split through my ears, my panting muffled in my ears. I heaved, rolling over onto my back, my vision blurring. I could hear the rest of the squad coughing through my haze, the tingle in my spine not yet subsiding. I pushed myself up slowly, gingerly touching my fingers to my temple. My fingertips were wet when I pulled them back. The facility shook once more, the floor tipping downward. I shuffled my feet as we began to slide. Omega slid into me, my arms wrapping around her whilst the others slid down further.

   "Hunter!" She cried out. I looked up the doorway sparking. I pulled her in front of me, "Catch her!" I shoved her forward with the Force, her arms wrapping around Hunters neck as the door shut between us. I leaned back on my elbows, panting softly. The tingle in my spine subsided into a dull thrum, my head falling back. Water dripped onto my face from the ceiling above, stinging the cut on my temple. I shuffled my feet, groaning as I planted my hands on the ground. I wretched, my left hand moving to my stomach, gripping at my right side. Pulling my hand back, crimson coated my hand. 

   I let out a pained whine, my brows pinching together as I pushed myself to my knees. I fumbled for the flashlight on my belt, flicking it on. I waved it around the room, the lower part by the door already filling with salt water. I sighed, flashing it around the other side. My hand halted as it moved over a body, a person. "Oh— you've got to be kidding me," I growled out. I held my wound, slowly pushing myself up to my feet. I needed to find a way out of here, quickly before the room filled and I drowned with Crosshair of all people. I stumbled slightly, sucking in a breath as I jostled my wound too much. 

   "Ashla," My comm crackled out. I hastily tugged it from my belt, opening the channel, "Yes, yes.. I'm here," I looked back to where Crosshair lay unconscious beneath the debris, "And so is Crosshair.." "Wrecker's working on the door, hang tight," Hunter rushed out, the comm silencing. I turned back when I heard grunting, my eyes narrowing. I looked down at the debris holding him down before looking up at his eyes, "How— unfortunate." He shuffled under the wreckage, pushing against it, "Get this off of me." I looked away from him, checking my wound again. Kriff. I slowly pulled my shawl off, tugging the cloth between both hands. It ripped, the material separating in a strip.

   "What are you waiting for?" He growled out. "Shut up," I mumbled, dropping to one knee, fishing the material around my abdomen. I could hear him grunt, "You're not seriously leaving me here, are you?" "Shut.. up!" I choked out, tying the fabric around my abdomen snug, holding my head as a wave of nausea washed over me. "Great.." He mumbled. I sucked in a breath, shoving myself up to my feet. I turned, looking to him, "I would prefer leaving you here to die, though I'm feeling quite generous despite the circumstances.." He scoffed, "How touching." I stumbled over my feet as I approached him, my hands gripping onto the wreckage.

   I tugged against it, the wreckage creaking under the strain. My head spun, the water moving up to my mid thigh. I gave out, leaning forward, "Fucking help, would you?" He glared, "Shut it, Jedi." I rolled my eyes, "Pick a new one. That one’s getting old." I pulled one of my lightsabers as the water moved up to his chin, his eyes wide on me. "Hold your breath," I growled, igniting the blade. I dunked my head under the water, using the lightsaber to cut through the wreckage. My wound burned between the strain and the salt water, my grip faltering slightly as I cleared enough of the debris. 

   I swam around behind him, deactivating my blade. I hooked my arms under his, my feet planting against the wreckage as I pulled him loose. I dragged him up, our heads reemerging over the water. I coughed, my legs burning. My head spun, blinking my eyes hard to try and remain awake. I felt his hands grab onto my biceps, shaking me, "Eyes open." I heaved, my eyes heavy, "Get off," I rasped out, my hands pushing at his chest. He scowled, "Would you like to drown?" My legs had stopped kicking, his arms pulling me into his chest. I shivered, my teeth clattering, "I hate you.."

   "The feeling is mutual," He scoffed out, "Hold your breath." I stiffened, the water lapping up over our noses. I tilted my face up, sucking in a deep breath as the water covered us. I felt the water below us start to channel downward, my eyes opening despite the burn. We were sucked out through the door, his grip on me loosening as we tumbled out with the rush of water. I rolled across the floor, choking down air, my limbs falling limp. Tech and Echo rushed to me, tugging me up to a sitting position. My entire body shivered, my wound feeling numb. "Tech,” Echo spoke, gesturing to the fabric coving my wound.

   "Ashla, when did this occur?" Tech questioned, his fingers prodding at it. I hissed out, "Fuck. Don't do that.. Get me up." Tech shook his head, "I do not think that is wise—" "Get me up!" I growled out. The two of them pulled me to my feet, my hair dripping in my face. My legs wavered and I let out a silent curse. "Wrecker, grab her. We have to go, now," Hunter commanded. Wrecker came forward, taking me from Echo and Tech. My hands gripped onto his forearms, giving him a quick nod before he scooped me up from under my legs. I held onto him at the neck of his breastplate, huddling into him for warmth. 

   Wrecker took off after the squad, his arms holding me as still as possible. The facility trembled, causing Wrecker to stumble with me. I winced, pinching my eyes shut. Another hard jolt and I was sent flying from Wreckers arms, the ground tipping. I let out a sharp cry, my hands latching onto the separated wall paneling. I shuffled my feet, trying to gain a better grip on the wall. My fingers cramped, my adrenaline had topped off and crashed completely. 

   My fingers slipped, my heart stilling in my chest as I began to fall. My arm was grabbed sharply, tugging me up in between their legs, cradling me in a leg lock. My vision was spotting, my head rolling back against their stomach. "Wake up," He growled. I heaved softly, the blood seeping through my 'bandage'. My mouth was dry, the air I sucked down short, and unfulfilling. His legs curled around me tighter, the facility tipping completely sideways. "Damn it— wake up!" He snapped, his breastplate smacking into the back of my head. My hands unfurled, grabbing at his thighs limply. Then we tipped backwards, jolting us back onto the ground, flat. 

   I relaxed, his legs uncurling from my torso, his breaths moving my head. He slid out from under me as Wrecker approached, Wreckers hands guiding me up gently. I winced, stumbling over my feet. "We need to find somewhere where I can tend to her wound. At this rate, she will not make it," Tech spoke, approaching us. My breath rasped, "I'm fine.. We need to keep— going." "Oh, I'm convinced," Crosshair growled. I glared, "Fuck off." "Enough. Tech, where are we at?" Hunter cut in. Tech tapped at his data pad, "It appears we have hit the ocean floor. There is no way to accurately calculate the damage. Most of the facility is—" The ceiling broke open, water pouring in, "—Compromised."

   Wrecker scooped me up, a minor whine slipping from my lips as we took off again. I slipped into a half conscious state, my head lulling against Wreckers shoulder. My ears were muffled, the sound of running footsteps and words passing over me. I felt strangely at ease despite the circumstances, I assumed that was because of the blood loss. When we slowed, Wrecker placed me down atop a cot as Tech approached. "Ironically, our old barracks is one of the few compartments habitable. Albeit, temporarily," He spoke, kneeling down beside me, "See if you can find a medical kit, I will do what I can." 

   I felt his hands untie the strip of cloth from my abdomen, slowly pealing my tunic up and away. He sighed, "This is not good." I wheezed, "I know." He remained silent, examining the wound. I felt someone sit by my head, a hand going to my cheek. "You'll be okay, Ashla," Omega spoke, her voice wavering. My vision was hazy, someone else walking up. I heard Tech murmuring to himself, and then a 'thank you'. I felt the cool sensation of bacta, my shoulders slackening at the feeling, then a needle in the adjacent side of my abdomen. 

   My eyes blew wide as I felt my nervous system flare with adrenaline, a gasp ripping from my chest as I surged upwards. "It appears the stim shot has worked. This will hold you over until I can properly treat you. Stay still while I wrap it," Tech spoke, his hands working at some gauze and wrapping. Omega stayed behind me, her hands holding at the backs of my shoulders whilst Tech dressed my wound. When Tech finished, he helped me to stand, my knees wobbling for a moment. I let out a breath, giving him a weak nod before I slowly limped towards the group with Omega holding me steady. 

   "They're all going to die here because of your failed leadership," Crosshair growled. Hunter looked ready to hit him but Omega ran up to the window, "No we're not. We landed on the underwater tube system." Tech sighed from beside me, "Accessing the tube will be.. challenging." I tugged my lightsaber off my belt, handing it to Tech, "Try," I growled out. "You're letting a kid call the shots now?" Crosshair spoke from behind us. I looked over my shoulder, "You have a better idea?" Wrecker lent me his arm as we made our way out of the barracks and into the hall, my footsteps dragging.

   I sat down against the wall whilst AZI and Tech began working on carving out a hole in the flooring. "Your weapon is marvelously crafted, what is it made out of?" Tech spoke, igniting the blade. I gave him a deadpanned look, "Haysium smelt." He plunged the yellow beam into the floor, mirroring AZI's cut, "Fascinating." Crosshair scoffed, shaking his head. I merely glared at him before turning my attention back to Tech and AZI. When the full circle was complete, the flooring fell through. Tech deactivated the blade, handing it back to me. I took his hand, pulling myself up to my feet, steadying myself.

   One by one, each of us dropped into the tube system below, Wrecker gently lifting me down into the tube. I looked outside of the glass tube, marine life swimming around, the water dark and eerie. I slowly limped after them, watching the glass splinter outwards as the cracks grew bigger. "We need to go back. There must be another way," Crosshair spoke from behind me. AZI did not agree, adamant on this being the only way. "You know, if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be in this mess," Wrecker grumbled. I turned, looking back to Crosshair. "Something on your tiny mind, Wrecker?" He sneered. "All that time, you didn't even try to come back," Wrecker spoke, his voice sorrowful. 

   I scoffed, "Let it go. Crosshair has always been.. this. You can't change that. He can't change that," I grumbled, turning away from him. They began to walk off again, but I remained still, his eyes bleeding into the back of my skull. "Why are you defending me?" He questioned. I shook my head, "I'm not. Knowing who you are does not mean that I agree with you," I mumbled, limping off after the squad. We continued on, taking soft and slow steps to avoid cracking the glass further. My hand cupped my side, the stim and bacta already wearing down. I pressed firm pressure to it, the pain jolting my consciousness back into place.

   My spine tingled, causing me to stop. Hunter looked back at me to confirm, I nodded. A crooning cry echoed out in the depths of the water, the tube rumbling slightly. I looked down at my feet, the glass cracking slightly before my gaze snapped up to another bellowing roar. I stumbled forwards towards the glass, Hunter rushing towards me. He helped guide me to the tube wall, keeping me steady whilst I placed my hand to it. I shut my eyes, shoving my consciousness into the Force. I felt the creature, whatever it was, it was approaching quickly. "We don't have time for your Jedi magic tricks," Crosshair snapped.

   Hunter shushed him, my eyes remaining shut. The tube trembled again, another roar echoing out. I let out a slow breath, be with me. The creature made a cricketing noise, feeling it finally approach the tube. Be with me. My brows pinched together, perspiration forming over the palm of my hand. Be with me. The creature growled, my heartbeat pounding, but its tempo stilling. "Be with me," I whispered, warmth flooding my chest. The Force flowed through my every nerve, vibrated in my hands and feet. I felt the light, it called to me after being held dormant inside of my mind for so long. My eyes fluttered open, the creature staring back at me, purring softly.

   I let out a soft breath, "Go." Hunter shifted, his hands moving away from me as the group began to creep away. The creature and I stared at one another, its Force signature intermingling with mine. It chittered once more, its nose pressing to the glass beneath my hand. I let out a soft breath, wetting my lips. Its feelings resonated with mine, fear, anguish, and loss. I reassured it mentally, sharing my own in turn. It backed away, its fins flaring around in the calm of the ocean floor. It crooned before turning, swimming away into the darkness. I stepped back, staring at the spot the creature once was, my hand falling to my side.

   "Are you done yet?" A gravely tone murmured. I was dazed, the warmth of the Force settling back down into the base of my spine before it faded away, leaving me with the cold feeling of blood loss. I turned, looking to him, his brown eyes glaring down at me. My own eyes narrowed, before I looked down at realized what he was holding out to me. My lightsaber. My eyes softened upon looking down at the weapon, reaching my hand out towards it. I wrapped my fingers around it, taking it from him. I admired it for a moment before hooking it to my belt.

   I must have dropped it when we were in the midst of drowning. I cleared my throat softly, "Thanks." He grunted in response, walking off. I let out a slow breath, following after him, limping as I went. I met with the rest of the group at the end, Tech grabbing my shoulder to examine my physical state. I swatted him away, grumbling to myself. Wrecker kneeled down beside me, allowing me to climb onto his back. I winced softly, the stim had worn off along with any adrenaline I had from connecting with the Force like that. 

   I held tight as we climbed upwards, the tube opening back up into the hidden lab. As soon as Wrecker knelt back down, I slid off his back. I found my footing, stepping away from him and moving to the steps to sit down. I winced as I let gravity pull me down, leaning back against one of the consoles. The group moved around, looking for a way out from the lab. I overheard that the tube system had collapsed from here to the landing pad, my hope depleting. I was dying anyway, slowly at that. I was surprised that Tech's treatment had prolonged my life this long. 

   I felt the effects of the blood loss regardless of the bleeding slowing to a minimum. I was nearing my end, I was okay with that. Crosshair seemed to be annoyed with the entire situation, which, in retrospect, was expected. He had been oddly attentive despite our long history of feuding between one another and his obsession with the Empire. Perhaps saving his life went in my favor. "This is what happens when you let a kid call the shots," He growled. Omega looked down at the ground meekly. I raised my hand to her, beckoning her over to which she did. She sat down beside me, tucking herself under my arm.

   "You did well. We wouldn't have made it this far without you," I mumbled, giving her a weak smile. She didn't return one of her own, simply nestling herself into the nook of my armpit, her head resting against my shoulder. The tension between Hunter and Crosshair was palpable, the two hadn't had a nice word for one another yet. I watched him walk away, nudging Omega gently, "Go and.. talk with him." She looked up to me, "Why? He doesn't care to listen.." I hummed, "He's always been like this. Even if it seems he isn't listening, he is." Her eyes glossed over before she nodded, a look of determination washing over her features.

   I lifted my arm as she stood, watching her walk away towards Crosshair. Hunter walked towards me, sitting down beside me, "How're you holding up?" I let out a slow breath through my nose, I hadn't even been worried about my health, I was more worried about making sure Omega made it out to live another day. I shook my head, "I'm sorry." "For?" He spoke. "I didn't catch you," I mumbled. I heard him sigh, "That wasn't your fault, you know that." I huffed, leaning back against the steps. My fingers grazed over the wrapping, the wound numb but tender, "I.. am not who I was.. and I apologize for that." 

   He grunted, "No one expects you to be anything but yourself. We've all changed, General. Some more than others." I looked at him, the title annoying me, "I'm not your General anymore." His lips pulled into a soft smile, "Sure," He stood slowly at the call from Echo, leaving me to myself. I let out a slow breath, watching Omega leave Crosshair, back towards the group. General. I was no General. I was no Jedi. I had somehow by the grace of whatever Gods that were out there, connected with the Force. Even if it was just for a moment, I hadn't been that close to it since the purge. Order 66. I would never be who they thought me to be again. I wouldn't never see Jax or the 287th. I would always look small and weak in Rex's eyes.

   I watched them roll glass tubes across the ground, standing them up straight. My brows furrowed, "That? We'll have no control over where we go. What of the debris field out there?" AZI floated towards me, "I will be able to safely guide you all up to the surface." I frowned, looking to Hunter who gave me a soft dip of his chin. I sighed, planting my hands against the step to push myself up. My arms shook, nausea creeping up my throat. Omega jogged over to me, grabbing my hand and pulling me up to my feet. I wavered, holding my hand to my eyes as I settled the nausea.

   She guided me over to a tube, AZI helping situate me inside of one. "CT-9904 should be your double. His weight and size can easily balance out yours with your current imbalance," AZI spoke. My eyes narrowed at the droid, "Absolutely not." Crosshair pushed the droid aside, stepping into the tube with me, "Just shut up already." I leaned against the side of the tube, cradling my abdomen, "Prick." He merely scoffed, the two of us flinching when the tube sealed. The others doubled up besides Hunter, Wrecker and Omega, their weights incompatible. I focused on my breaths, my nerves working up.

   Then the windows blew, water rushing into the lab. I was thrown into Crosshair, the tube submerging underwater. I rasped out a breath, my hands pressing to the sides of the tube to try and push myself back. He grunted, his body rigid under mine. As we were sucked out into the open water, we stabilized and I was able to push away from him. My legs wavered, my head falling back against the tube. "Eyes open," He growled. I looked to him, frowning, "Why do you care? I thought you wanted me dead." "I don't want to smell your dead corpse in here if I sink to the bottom," He replied blandly. I scoffed, "My deepest apologies. I didn't mean for my death to inconvenience you." 

   He remained quiet, his gaze locked on the outside of the tube. In all fairness, I didn't want to look at him either, nor did I want to be anywhere near him. It seemed the galaxy did not care about what I did and did not want. "Why?" I spoke softly. He didn't respond, but I did feel his gaze shift. "Why haven’t you killed me?" I muttered, looking to him. His gaze met mine, his lips turning downward. A thousand thoughts ran behind his eyes, every one of them silenced because he never dared to say what he truly meant. We had never been on good terms, but I didn't think his hatred had fully extended to wanting me dead.

   I didn't even know what I had done for him to loathe me so badly. I didn't even know why I had such a passionate amount of anger for him. I had never hated someone in my life, not even for a moment. As a Jedi, we were taught to dispel those thoughts of hate and anger, they led to fear and pain. I supposed that was right in a physical and mental sense. I had gone out of my way to help save his life, all in turn for nothing to change between us. All for him to still stay true to that blind loyalty to a painful cause. He followed the Empire because he wanted to. 

   "You missed on purpose," He spoke. His avoidance in answering my question lit a flame beneath my feet. Though, I was confused. "What do you mean?" I questioned. He scoffed, "The artillery deck on Bracca. You pulled a ceiling down on top of my squad. I.. remained uninjured." I blinked a few times, "You're delusional." He straightened up, and suddenly I felt much smaller than him. "Consider us even," He growled lowly. I narrowed my eyes at him, my jaw clenching. The words I wanted to spit back out at him died on my tongue, an uncomfortable silence spreading out between us.

   Then, the tube shot up out of the water, sending me flying into him once more. I groaned, my stomach twisting from the sudden moment of my wound. The tube opened up above us, his hands gently pushing me back. I wheezed, my hand clawing at my abdomen, "Maker— fuck you." "I didn't do anything, but I could," He snapped back. I let out a ragged breath, leaning back against the tube, tearing my gaze away from him. “Omega, don’t!” Hunter yelled into his comm. I looked to him, and then to the water, “What happened?”

   “She’s in the water, she—” He spouted out, then went silent. I gave him a look, then looked behind me to where he was looking. Crosshair’s barrel was pointed past my head into the water. My eyes narrowed at him, my heartbeat thudding in my ears. He fired, an anchor line springing from the barrel and into the water. The water lapped up against the side of the tube, the line reeling in until Omega and AZI broke through the surface. I grabbed her, groaning as I pulled her over into my arms. She coughed up water, heaving as I used my hands to rub her arms.

   I looked back at Crosshair, watching him toss his rifle over to Wrecker, my arms curling tighter around Omega. I felt myself growing dizzy again, my hold on her loosening. “Ashla!” Omega cried out. I slumped against the side of the tube, placing a hand to her shoulder, “Glad you’re.. alright kid.” “We need to move, the Marauder is in sight,” Tech spoke. I sighed, running my fingers over the bandage, blood seeping through. “Don’t touch, it’s okay, we’re almost there,” Omega spoke. I hummed, nodding softly.

-

   Wrecker pulled me up to the landing pad letting Tech and Echo look over my condition. I had never felt more shitty in my life, it had to be the will of the Force in keeping me still standing. Hardly standing, more like relying on the others to carry me around. Once Rex heard of this, I would have a one way ticket back to being under his watchful eye. I had shocked myself, helping the enemy despite having every reason to cause him harm. I looked past Echo at where the city once stood, black clouds puffing up towards the atmosphere. I sighed, saddened by the unnecessary destruction.

   “None of this changes anything,” Crosshair grumbled, gaining our attention. Hunter sighed, “You offered us a chance, Crosshair. This is yours.” Crosshair remained unfazed, “I made my decision.” I scoffed, pushing away from Tech and Echo, limping over towards Omega. I grunted as I stopped, placing a hand on Omega’s shoulder, “I’m sorry..” She sighed, “It’s just.. all gone.” I gave her shoulder a weak squeeze, standing there silently as we watched the destruction from afar. She eventually turned, beginning to walk back towards the Marauder. 

   I limped after her, Hunter walking down the gangplank to come and aid me. I stopped, glancing at Crosshair before continuing on, Hunter coming forward. I hung my arm over his shoulders, wincing slightly as he guided me away. “Wait,” I muttered, Hunter giving me a look. “We need to get you treated,” He grumbled. I stepped away from him slightly, looking to Crosshair. His back remained to us, staring off at the burning facility. He turned slightly, “What?” My jaw tensed, “Thank you for saving Omega.” He grunted, his attention moving back to the smoke.

   Hunter grabbed hold of me again, “Come on.” As we turned, I spoke once more, “But should I see you again.. it will be your last.”

Chapter Text

      Be with me. Be with me. Be with me.

   I groaned, forcing my eyes shut for the fifth time this hour. Kashyyyk was incredibly dense with life, the Force thrumming through every tree, every blade of grass, through me.. Yet, it wasn't with me. One good thing came of our trip to Kashyyyk, Gungi, a Wookiee padawan who we had rescued from Vanguard Axis. His fate would've been decided the moment they sold him into Imperial hands. The thought was comforting in itself though, I wasn't the only Jedi who had made it out alive after all. Still, the dull weight in my gut was enough to vanquish any sense of relief in the idea.

   It had been four months since Kamino, four months since I nearly lost my life in turn for a traitors. I was filled with a sense of regret for my actions, it had not been because I was okay with dying; I regretted helping him. He wouldn't change, and if given another opportunity, I was sure I could make good on my last words to him. My anger I had felt on Kamino left me feeling unbalanced, like the hole in my gut was still pulsing with every memory. Crosshair willingly chose the Empire. He wasn't stupid, he was blind. Blinded by half truths and a false sense of purpose, he was nothing more than an expendable asset in their hands.

   It felt awful to think about him, to think about the 'what if' he had left with us. He had always been severe and unyielding, but he loved his brothers despite his rigid demeanor. I'd witnessed it many times before, how his watchful gaze remained on each of them a little longer than necessary. He didn't hurt them because he had hope they'd return to him, that his reasons for staying with the Empire would convince them as well. How wrong he was. With Omega with us, her safety was top priority when it came to dancing around the Empire. She was still just a child, a twelve year old who'd seen more than any child ever should, clone or not.

   Serenity was a strange concept since everything was always changing. We would leave Kashyyyk to go back into a raging and unpredictable galaxy, the next steps unknown. At least we were no longer working for Cid after what happened on Serolonis. I no longer had to hide my distain for the Trandoshian woman, her intentions were never fully clear. But without the jobs to rely on for credits, we'd come to a standstill, simply 'drifting through the galaxy', as one would put it. We hadn't had any issues with the Empire since Kamino though, which was suspicious in itself. I knew better than to let a false sense of security blind me from the facts.

   A distant call for me caught my attention, my hands going slack atop my thighs as I opened my eyes. I silently pushed myself up off of the ground, swiping off the dirt that stuck to my pants. The walk back to the Marauder was short, even with me taking my time to get there. Omega was saying her goodbyes to Gungi when I arrived, the rest of the squad loading some supplies the Wookies were gracious enough to give us. Part of me felt hesitant to leave Kashyyyk, to leave Gungi. He was with his people, but he was my people. I felt selfish for that, I had the Batch, I had Rex.

   After Omega stepped away from Gungi, I looked to him, a soft exhale escaping from my nose. He gave me a smile, one of his sharp canines poking out from under his lips. He looked happy, he could finally just be a kid. A soft smile pulled at my own lips, even though everything in me wanted to break. Then, he bowed, a sign of respect the Jedi would show one another. I hesitantly folded my hands in front of me, bowing my upper half to him in return. A chittering noise emitted from him as we both stood once more, one sentence spoken in his language. May the Force be with you. 

   I gave him a soft nod, "And with you." He waved as he turned to walk away, heading back to the other Wookiee's in the distance. My gaze followed him until I felt a small hand latch onto mine, Omega giving me a sad smile. "I'm sorry we have to leave him," She spoke quietly. I squeezed her hand, "This is the safest place for him." She nodded, pulling me towards the ship, leading me up the gangplank. The others had finished packing up, Tech beginning the take off sequence. Omega disappeared to her small perch, intent on figuring out meditation. Maybe when she got it she could give me some pointers..

   Unfortunately, Hunter alerted us that we were in fact going back to Ord Mantel. Just for a fuel up on the ship and to pick up anything they may have left behind. At least we weren't visiting Cid. I walked into the small refresher, shutting the door quietly behind me. I stared at myself in the small mirror, my eyes dull and heavy. I was truly exhausted and hadn't found any peace within the Force since Kamino. It only ever seemed to come when I was in trouble, or fearful. That meant I was using it for the wrong reasons. How could I have been a fully trained knight and yet, I cannot use the Force in the most simple manner?

   I untucked my tunic, pulling it up enough to look over the scar. I ran my fingers over the raised scar on the right side of my abdomen, the pinkish tone contrasting with my complexion. The salve AZI had made for me was taking care of it, but it would remain visible among the rest of my scars. I pulled my tunic down, tucking it back into place, followed by adjusting my utility belt back into place. The hooks for my lightsabers remained empty, a blaster on my hip instead. I didn't carry my lightsabers, not after Kamino. What was it about Kamino that had unbalanced me? Had it been because I used the Force, or had it been because Kamino brought back fond memories?

   I ducked my face down into the sink, twisting the knob to let the water flow. I splashed it over my face, the cool temperature waking me from my exhaustion. I turned the water off, using the small towel to pat my face dry. Upon exiting the refresher, Hunter was leaning against the adjacent wall, arms crossed over his chest. He was giving me that look, my expression deadpanning. He nudged his head to follow, and I did, with a heavy sigh. "If you're going to lecture me, tell me now so that I can prepare myself," I mumbled, leaning back against the workbench. 

   He rolled his eyes, "You haven't been yourself. Talk." I frowned, haven't been myself? Was I just supposed to go back to normal after finding out that I wasn't the only living Jedi? "I'm not sure it matters, Hunter," I replied, crossing my arms. "It does. You've been quiet since we found the padawan," He argued, stepping to my side. "You can pretend it doesn't bother you, but I saw how you looked at the kid. You're still hurting," He added on, his tone softer. Maybe he was right, finding Gungi had brought up a lot of old feelings. Maybe even jealousy. Gungi had a family to go back to, people he could grow with instead of running for his life.

   I had been denied having a family my entire time in the Order, even after with the Empire. I could play pretend all I wanted, but the Batch would never truly feel like home. Not like the Temple did. I felt him place a gentle hand on my shoulder, "You have us, you always will, but you can't dwell on the past and hope to change it." I nodded silently, my gaze remaining trained on the ground. I felt him go lax, he knew he wasn't getting anything out of me. He quietly walked away to leave me to my thoughts, my gaze flicking to his back as he disappeared into the cockpit.

   It wasn't long before we did land back on Ord Mantel, the others heading out to run some errands, Tech fueling the ship, Omega still meditating. I walked towards her, leaning against the wall. I looked up at her, "How's the meditation going?" She sighed, opening her eyes to look at me, "Trying. Gungi taught me, but it doesn't work for me the same way it does for you guys." A smile pulled at my lips, "It's still a good skill to learn." She nodded, "Wanna join me?" I paused for a moment, letting out a sigh, "Ah.. I'm not particularly good at it either." She quirked a brow, "But you're a Jedi."

   I waved my hand at her, motion for her to scoot over. She did and I pulled myself up to sit beside her, folding my hands into my lap. "Meditating doesn't make you a Jedi," I spoke, looking to her. She frowned, "What do you mean?" "Meditation is a concept. The Jedi used it to achieve inner peace, a way to connect themselves further to the Force," I explained, turning to face her. I tucked my legs under me, Omega following my movement and mirroring me. "But you don't need the Force to achieve peace, and you certainly don't need to be a Jedi," I added on, gently grabbing hold of her hands, placing them on her knees.

   I leaned back, smiling upon seeing her gaze light up. "So, why don't you meditate? You are a Jedi, aren't you?" She questioned. Her question was innocent, but it struck deep inside me. Of course I meditated, I was just unsuccessful. That comes from being unbalanced, something I would've asked my Master for guidance on if he were still alive. I wasn't sure about the second part of her question though. I was a far cry from who I used to be, no longer the brave Jedi General traveling through hyperspace aboard a Venator. I would sooner fail as a Jedi than as a civilian. I gave her a smile anyway.

   "The time of the Jedi has passed. It's merely a title," I finally replied, but the answer I had given her wasn't meant to quell her thoughts. "We have an incoming transmission," Tech called out from the cockpit. Omega slipped down from the gunners bay and I followed, the rest of the squad coming back up the gangplank. We all headed to the cockpit, Tech spinning around to face us, "It's Rex." My heart fluttered at the revelation, moving closer as Tech brought him through. When Rex appeared on the hologram, his expression seemed somewhat apprehensive as gaze landed on me. "Hey, boys. Any chance I could use your squad's expertise for a mission?" Rex questioned. 

   Wrecker grinned, "Finally. I'm bored." Echo stepped up next to me, "What do you need, Rex?" Rex hesitated for a moment, once again giving me a side glance. My brows furrowed, "Rex?" He sighed, "I'll explain everything when you get to Coruscant." The room went quiet at his words, my heart seemingly coming to a jarring halt in my chest. Coruscant? I couldn't believe what I was hearing, how and why was Rex on Coruscant of all places? "That's a big ask, Captain," Hunter spoke through the silence. Omega looked around to all of us, "What's on Coruscant?" "It is the galactic capital and, thus, the heart of the Empire," Tech explained. 

   My lips curled into a sneer, "What are you doing there? Have you lost your mind?" Rex's gaze softened, the soft muttering of my name slipping through his lips. "Coruscant is the last place any of us should be. The Empire thinks you're dead. Keep it that way," I pleaded, looking to the group. "It's a covert mission. A simple data extraction but a crucial one. I'll send over a flight plan to bypass Imperial security and coordinates to a safe landing zone," Rex cut in. I gave him an incredulous look, letting out a huff of mock laughter, "You're serious?" I looked to Hunter who sighed, Echo looking to Rex, "We're on our way."

   Rex didn't look at me, his projection disappearing. I stared at the spot, my brain in a flurry of different thoughts and feelings. I could not possibly go to Coruscant, that would be just plain stupid. I wasn't marked as dead, therefore, my bounty was still active. Tech had already powered up the ship and brought us out of Ord Mantel, up past the atmosphere and into hyperspace all while I stood there, my gaze locked on where Rex once was. Coruscant was my home, the Temple was my home. Now, being the epicenter of the Empire, it was far from safe. This was a terrible idea, and the Force thought so too.

-

   Upon our approach to Coruscant, I remained on edge. My leg bounced with anticipation, my hands ringing the hem of my tunic. Even though we hadn't been stopped, the Force was practically suffocating my senses. There was a darkness here, a stifling one. I had been outnumbered in the decision to come here, though I didn't plan on further expressing my feelings. Rex knew better, why he seemed to think bringing me here was a good idea, was beyond my scope of understanding. I hated it here, I hated how it made me feel. I hated that despite everything that had happened, it still looked just as beautiful as when I was last here.

   The descent into the lower levels was quick, Tech tucking the ship into a docking bay that was hidden, provided by Rex. I remained in my seat as everyone stood up and exited the ship, my gaze remained trained on my boots. I could've been overthinking it, we were in the lower levels. Even if Rex had deemed it safe for me to be here, it still didn't feel that way. Heavy footsteps returning back up the gangplank caused me to look back briefly. I sighed, "I'm not in the mood, Rex." I could hear him let out a slow exhale, his footsteps approaching. "Look, I know being here isn't easy, but I need your help," He spoke, his voice laced heavily with reluctance. 

   I stood, turning to face him, "Do you understand the gravity of the situation, or are you ignoring that too?" He frowned, "At least listen to what I have to say." I crossed my arms, "They're putting a lot on the line by just being here. They may have the Empire fooled with their fake deaths, but not me." His gaze softened, his tense features going lax. I shook my head, glaring at him in disappointment, "I told you before, Rex. I'm done fighting. The Republic is gone and the Jedi are dead." "Then do it for Jax," He argued. I scoffed, "Jax? You're joking, right?" His eyes narrowed. "Jax is gone. They all are. The 287th, the 212th, the 501st, they're all gone," I growled.

   Rex looked like his heart had been stomped on, put back into his chest, and then ripped out again. My face fell, my hands unfurling, "Rex—" "That wasn't fair. You know that wasn't fair," He rasped out, his amber gaze glossed over. No, it wasn't. It wasn't at all. I reached for him, but he evaded, turning his back to me. My heart was at my feet, and I wished that it had been my heart that was stomped on instead of his. He didn't say another word, silently leaving me where I stood, his footsteps echoing away in the distance. My anger was misplaced, I didn't mean to take it out on him. Hunter was right, I was still hurting.

   I exited the ship after collecting my thoughts, heading into the open storage space. I slowly followed the echoing of soft chatter, a stray light illuminating an area surrounded by large crates. Hunter looked up, noticing my presence first. I silently joined the group, peering around Wrecker as I passed. Rex didn't meet my gaze, which was expected, I deserved that. The Pantorian woman beside him looked at me, a soft smile on her lips. "Riyo Chuchi," She introduced, bowing her head gently to me. I returned one of my own, "Ashla." She seemed satisfied with my answer, the conversation falling back into place. "As I was saying, he's an assassin. His identifying number has been wiped," Rex spoke.

   "I was not aware that was possible," Tech marveled. Hunter stepped around the table, "Who was his target?" "A clone contact of mine named Slip. He said he was in danger. I came to Coruscant to get him out, but the assassin got to him first. Nearly got the Senator too," Rex explained, his tone sorrowful. I looked up from the body to Rex, my gaze softening on him. I had made his bad day worse it seemed. "Why would a clone be targeting another clone or a Senator?" Echo questioned. "To silence us. Admiral Rampart has the entire Senate believing Kamino was lost to a cataclysmic storm. Slip witnessed the truth. I wanted him to testify to Rampart's crimes," Riyo spoke up. 

   "We were there too, Senator. I can be your witness," Echo spoke up. I glanced sideways at him, "The Senate won't listen to any of us. We'd be in cuffs or shot before we even stepped foot into the upper levels." "She's right. But there's another way to provide the Senate with the evidence of the Empire's crimes. The command log on Rampart's Venator," Rex added, once again evading my gaze. He continued, "Slip made a copy of it on the ships backup data banks." "Where's the Venator now?" Wrecker asked. "Being retrofitted at the Imperial shipyard right here on Coruscant. Lots of security but I know a way in," Rex answered.

   This is exactly what I didn't like about this entire situation. Coruscant was a feeding ground for trouble and death. Nothing good would come of us sniffing around where we most certainly didn't belong. "Rampart's Defense Recruitment Bill goes to vote tomorrow. We have to prove his crimes before it passes. I'll return to the Senate and garner support where I can," Riyu added, my frown deepening. "You sure it's a good idea to go when we're still unsure as to whether or not you're safe?" I questioned, crossing my arms. She smiled, "I must be doing something right, then." "I can go with her and keep an eye out," Omega spoke up.

   My gaze snapped to her, my mouth opening to retaliate. Hunter shot me a glare instead, my jaw clamping shut. There was another stupid idea. "You can't enter the Senate district without an Imperial security clearance," Riyu stated. "That will not be a problem," Tech spoke. I looked at each of them, my expression one of complete bewilderment. "I don't think sending Omega into the Senate district is the smartest idea," I spoke, crossing my arms over my chest. Not with him there. Hunter gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder, "She's trained. She's the only other person who can get in with the Senator." 

   I looked down to Omega who was giving me a look of determination, her eyes reassuring me more so than Hunters confidence. I sighed, moving away from Hunter. I turned, my jaw setting hard, "If it goes south. You're out of there." I didn't wait for a reply, taking my brooding elsewhere. Uncomfortable was an understatement. I didn't like the idea of us being on Coruscant, nor did I like sending Omega into a feeding pit of power hungry Senators. I was outnumbered once again, it appeared that my concerns were just that. It didn't matter what I thought, I had only lived here my entire life.

   Rex was still upset, that much I deserved. I wasn't going to defend my actions, I crossed a line that never should have been. Even so, I felt as if I were put in a precarious situation. Coruscant brought bad memories, ones I rather not recollect. Life had been so simple when I had lived here. The Temple, always a serene structure despite its prominent presence in the middle of a busy city. My home. I was so close to it yet so far, and I could do nothing about it. It wasn't like it would be the same, it was a grave yard after all. I trudged up the gangplank into the Marauder, taking a seat in the cockpit. 

   I stared out the viewport as ships raised and lowered between the levels, speeder bikes following the flow of traffic. I couldn't do anything but watch anyway. I felt like even after all I had done, I was still expected to serve. Serve what, exactly? I served the people, the Republic. All of which was gone now or because they scorned the Jedi for the Empire ever rising. I didn't blame them, we should've seen it coming. Maybe if the Jedi hadn't become politically involved, there would have been a different outcome. One that never allowed a Sith lord to reign supreme over a galaxy we spent years fighting for.

   One thousand years and it took only one rotation to completely eradicate every last one of us. Nearly all of us.. Those who had died were luckier in my opinion, no matter how morbid it sounded in my head. I was angry. Why me? Why did I, of all of them, survive such tragedy? I couldn't even put down my Commander when he ordered the 287th to fire on me. I couldn't even end his life when he too still reached for his blaster to finish his mission. I created unspoken bonds with each and every one of my men; men I had truly believed to be my friends. My family. In the end, it didn't matter, the Jedi were destined to fall.

   It didn't take much more of my silent brooding for me to grow too anxious to remain in place. I paced the rear of the ship, picking at my fingers, my footsteps echoing not only in the quiet of the ship, but in my head as well. I grabbed my shawl and tugged it over my head, high tailing it down the gangplank and back into the storage space. Much to my displeasure, Omega and the Senator were already long gone and the Batch was readying themselves to go. I frowned, my hands clenching and unclenching at my sides, my thoughts a flurry of worry. Something was wrong here, and if they wanted to ignore it, so be it.

   I watched them begin to take off, Rex leading them around the crates towards the adjacent wall. Maintenance tunnels, wonderful. I followed after them, tugging up my hood and tucking my arms underneath. Hunter glanced back at me, slowing his pace to walk with me. He gave me a short nod, his helmet only moving a fraction before he looked back ahead. My brows pinched as I sucked in a breath, watching Rex pull the trap door open. Each of us climbed through, the center sparking with the electro current that powered all of Coruscant. I followed after, my gaze flitting over the edge of the grated walk way. 

   Heights never scared me, but Coruscant heights were a different feeling. Eventually we stopped at a latter, one that went all the way up. Hundreds, if not thousands of rungs to climb. I sighed, watching each of them climb up, my gaze once again traveling up the long distance we'd have to go. It took nearly an hour, narrowly missing awry charges that sparked around us the higher we got, we'd eventually reached a control room. One that was empty, thankfully. I panted softly, my arms and legs feeling jittery after the climb. I looked around, watching as Wrecker moved to yet another trap door, beginning to cut it open. 

   "Coruscant is the last place I'd expect you to be," Echo spoke, my gaze flicking to him. Rex sighed, once again avoiding my gaze. "It's worth the risk. More and more of our brothers are waking up to what's been done to them," Rex spoke, turning away. I stepped towards him, "How many?" He didn't responded for a moment, his shoulders tensing. Then, he sighed, "Not enough. Troopers who know too much are a liability to the Empire. I have a few contacts, but helps hard to come by these days." Ah, that felt personal. Echo looked to me, his visor showing no expression, though, I could feel his concern. 

   "Got it," Wrecker spoke, pushing the trap door apart. He groaned, "Ray shields." Tech was quick to begin working on that, my doubts for a clean mission already beginning to dwindle further. "How are we getting onto Ramparts Venator?" Hunter questioned. I looked over Rex, frowning at the sheepish expression that was spreading across his features, "I thought we could take a page for your squad and.. improvise?" My gaze hardened, my jaw twitching in annoyance. Maybe I wasn't overreacting at Rex's carelessness. The ray shields hissed, deactivating, catching everyone's attention.

   I watched each of them climb up the latter into the outside, my heart now in my throat. My breaths were loud in my ears, my steps slow as I padded up to the latter. It was dark and gloomy outside, the cool breeze washing down through the opening causing my hood to flap. I hesitantly grabbed onto one of the rungs, slowly placing one hand in front of the other, my feet feeling numb every step I got higher. Wrecker offered me a hand as my head poked through, my gaze flicking to his open hand. I hesitated for a moment before grabbing onto it, letting him pull me up.

   The deck was loud, ships cruising in and out of the service bay overhead. I followed after the group, keeping close to the wall for coverage. I jogged through, ducking behind a pillar as I spotted the troopers Hunter was alerting us to. The darkness made it hard to make out anything past the steam, distant footsteps coming and going. I tapped the comm on my arm, "How do you plan on improvising this? We won't make it but two feet." The comm was silent for a moment as the squad assessed the situation. I peeked past the pillar, my gaze locking on the Venator in the distance.

   Unlike the one on Bracca, this one was unscathed. It looked the same, but different at the same time. No Republic emblem marked on the hull, no red to distinguish its noticeable higher class. Plain. It wasn't a Jedi cruiser, no, it was a war ship. "We're not getting there on foot. Let's move!" Hunter commanded. I looked to where they were taking off to, a shuttle taking flight just ahead. With a heavy heart, I followed. Wrecker was just in front of me as the shuttle lifted off, jumping up and grabbing hold of the undercarriage. I planted my feet into the ground, launching myself up and grabbing hold of the railing, swinging my legs up to stay flush with the shuttles belly.

   I letting my head fall back, looking to Wrecker who was mumbling under his breath about the height. I sighed, tightening my hold on the railing. "I'm taking control. Hold on," Tech spoke. The shuttle jerked, my grip faltering before I redistributed my grip. The shuttle went off course, taking a sharp left through the facility before jerking upward. I grunted, the movement shifting my hands around once again. "Tech?" Hunter questioned nervously. The shuttle lurched over the top end of the Venator, Tech giving us the okay to let go. I let go along with the others, driving down hands reached first. I broken the fall with my hands, rolling forward into a low crouch, watching as the shuttle continued on.

   I heard the others roll across the durasteel, my gaze flicking to them as I watched them slowly push themselves up. "Some things never change, hm?" Rex spoke, his gaze finally connecting with mine. I frowned, his eyes seemed to smile sorrowfully at me. Tech led us to a hatch on the roof, requiring the control panel to let us in. I followed the squad in, padding down the steps quietly. I pulled my blaster from my hip, holding it at the ready as we began through the corridors. They made quick work of the troopers in the following room, the bridge empty when we came upon it. 

   Tech immediately went to work on the backup data supply, the others scouting the room. My feet carried me towards the view port, tucking my blaster back into its holster. "This is unfortunate. Energy conduits are off-line. The only way to retrieve the data is to reroute power which will most likely signal a security breach," Tech spoke. My brows furrowed, squinting my eyes to get a better look at what was in the distance. "How much time will we have?" Hunter questioned. The city, though we were on the outskirts was visible. "Not much," Tech responded.

     The bridge lit up, the system powering up from Tech's work. My heart thudded in my chest, my hands resting over the control console. "What have they done..?" I mumbled, my eyes locked on a familiar structure in the distance. The alarm sounded in the ship, but that did little to break me from the trance the Temple had on me. Hunter was barking orders, the others running around to secure the room, all while my gaze remained locked on the Temple. Except it wasn't that, it was anything but that. The structure no longer brought a sense of peace, only darkness and cruelty resided there now. 

   Blaster fire broke out, a hand grabbing hold of my arm. I was tugged down behind a console, my back slamming against the durasteel paneling. "Stay down. They cannot see you," Rex pleaded, peaking out from our cover and firing back. My concerns were not with his, they were with what I had seen. Coming to Coruscant was a mistake, the biggest one I ever made, second to Kamino. I knew better than to let my thoughts fool me, of course they would've changed it. It was no longer the symbol of the peacekeepers, but a symbol of darkness and power. I felt it, I felt the anger and wrath that emitted from those walls.

   Explosions scattered about outside, the ships ion engines powering up. I was tugged to my feet and shoved, my gaze flicking back to the viewport before I inevitably turned away. I was in a state of disorientation, my hand fumbling for my blaster as I followed after the squad, Rex trailing behind me. It was a mess of blaster fire the entire way through the corridors, the cruiser rumbling as it failed to lift off from where it was locked down. The troopers just kept reappearing, where one was down, two more would appear. Why was it Coruscant of all places? I grunted as the cruiser lurched again, slamming into the adjacent wall.

   I turned, firing my blaster down the corridor as we regained our footing. Tech was ushering everyone into the escape pods, though, I wasn't sure how that was going to work. I fired once more, taking off towards the threshold, jumping into the escape pod after Echo. Rex pulled the hatch shut, the pod ejecting from the cruiser immediately along with all the others. We slid across the ground on impact, my hands bracing against the wall until we came to a complete stop. I pushed off of the wall as the hatch opened, letting out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding. "Nice," Hunter commented. Tech shrugged, "I was off by six point four meters. Not my best." 

   I huffed, stepping out of the pod and jogging off after the squad. As we neared the entrance to the maintenance tunnels, I looked back to the now tipped Venator. Long live the Republic.

-

    I stood at the edge of the landing pad, looking down the continuous drop into the lower levels. Failed. Nothing we did even mattered, he played us the entire time. It was never about the vote, nor was it about getting justice for what happened on Kamino. It was inevitable for the clones to lose this battle. I felt as if I had failed the clones once again. Everything that's happened since the clone war started was due to the Jedi being blind. He has always been behind it all, always watching, always two steps ahead. We looked like fools fighting for the truth but being silenced in doing so.

   All that we'd accomplished was getting rid of an Admiral that would be replaced within the rotation. It never even mattered. Nothing ever mattered. My gut was right, the Force was right. We never should have come to Coruscant. Nothing good ever happened here, and the fact that Omega had seen him, that didn't do much to slow my already overworking mind. He did that to the Temple. The Empire crushed everything I once loved and cared about. What would the Jedi be remembered as if that stood in place of something that was once a symbol of peace?

   I was angry. I had every right to be. I was tired. No amount of sleep could quell the exhaustion coursing through my bones. I was empty. For everything I was, had been ripped out and tossed away like it meant nothing. I looked down at the twin hilts in either one of my hands, the haysian smelt glinting softly under the dim light of the morning sun peaking through. The Jedi were gone, and so was everything else that was left in their memory. They rolled around in my loose grip, my lashes twitching from the tears that threatened to spill.

   "I know what you're going to do. Don't," He gently spoke from behind. My grip tightened, and I used the back of my hand to swipe away an escaping tear. "I thought you weren't speaking to me," I muttered out. He stopped a short distance behind me, a deep exhale escaping him. I looked up from the hilts, my gaze walking up the vast expanse of the lower levels, "I don't need your words of affirmation. I don't need anything." "Don't go this way," He spoke, his tone soft and pleading. I turned to him, "It's already too late, Rex. You know this." 

   He stepped forward, his hands reaching out towards mine. His fingers wrapped around my wrists tenderly, turning my hands over, palms up. "You're not done fighting. I won't have it any other way," He spoke, conviction creeping into his tone. My gaze moved up from my hands to his eyes, "I'm not strong enough." "You've always been strong enough," He whispered, stepping closer. My chin tilted upward, my eyes following his, "It's time to let them die." He shook his head, "How can they be dead when you're physical proof they aren't?"

   "I'm not one of them anymore, Rex," I whispered, my breath hitching. Pain. That's all I got from being here. Indescribable pain that made my stomach twist in unbearable agony. He pulled me into his chest, his arms wrapping around the back of my shoulders. I wept. My sobs muffled in the chest of his tunic, my tears rolling off my chin. He just held me. He didn't expect an apology, not after the cruel words I'd said to him before. He deserved them, deserved every apology that I could muster up and then some. I was not a forgivable being. I was hurt, more so than I cared to admit.

   I didn't want to remember that I had been someone else. I didn't want to remember that I had been a General, or that I had even been a Jedi. The hilts I had been holding in my hands had long since fallen from my hands, my hands curled up in his tunic instead. Rex didn’t falter, he never did. He was always so strong, always so willing to take the next steps to achieve his goal. I wished I was more like Rex. I pushed away from him, but his hands found purchase at my cheeks, thumbs wiping away the streams of tears that had fallen. “Tell me what you need,” He spoke, his eyes flicking between mine.

   My jaw clamped hard, my brows twitching as I willed my tears to stop. My breaths were shallow and sputtering, my gaze narrowed on his own.

“Revenge.” 

Chapter Text

   -21 BBY-

Location: Atmosphere above Felucia.

   "I am unsure of how you'd like me to go about this, Master. Even with General Skywalker and General Kenobi planet side, their campaign is still suffering," I folded my arms over my chest, my features hardening. "I believe that they would benefit from our help," I added. Master Windu's gaze narrowed on me, "The Council has already come to a conclusion, young one." Unfair. How could the Council let the 212th and 501st suffer like this? They were cannon fodder to the Separatists and were actively allowing it to happen. I scrutinized him, "How can you agree to such terms? We have the men to—" 

   "General. It has been decided," He cut off, "You will remain where you are until you are requested otherwise. Understood?" I frowned. No, I couldn't possibly comprehend why the Council had decided to sack me out of a mission I knew required my presence. Whatever Master says. It was hard to live up to his standards, especially to someone who almost seemed to be feared by the Separatist movement. He claimed I was too headstrong, jumping at every available opportunity to get out on the field. How could I be blamed? I was stuck on the Venator.

   He had been the one to insist I was ready for the trials, yet I still felt as if I were living in his shadow. Being his apprentice meant there were big shoes to fill, and I hadn't realized that until a battalion was shoved into my care. I appreciated his training and devotion to my well being, but it felt as if I were still under his watchful gaze. I looked down to my feet, my brows twitching together in frustration. Arguing would do me no good, especially when it came to him. My only option was to obey the will of the Council, or that, the Force. "Yes, Master," I murmured. He said nothing further, his hologram flickering off. 

   The door behind me slid open, Jax's presence filling the room. I turned to him, dipping my chin to his quick salute. "General," He greeted, though he sounded less confident than usual. I quirked a brow, "I hope you don't have worse news than I've already received." His face told me enough. "We have an in bound craft requesting landing," He replied. I sighed, "Give them clearance. But I'd like to meet them." He nodded, tapping on his comm to give the okay to the hangar bay. We left the briefing room, exiting the bridge and taking the turbo lift down to the main hangar. 

   Ships were coming in and out, troopers from the 287th hustling around, refueling fighters and transports. Jax led me across the hangar bay, his face set hard. It couldn't be worse than sitting on the bridge for nothing. Another ship, one I didn't recognize, was docked on the far left side of the hangar bay. An attack shuttle, and it was.. modified? I hoped it wasn't freelance operatives, I had a hard time negotiating supplies with those not directly aligned with the Republic. We stopped outside of it, Jax walking up the gangplank. He came back out with four men, all different sizes, but all.. clones. My gaze tracked Jax as he stepped back up to my side. 

   "General, sorry for the short notice but these men came in from Felucia. Said it got pretty nasty out there," Jax briefed. Great. Everyone was allowed on Felucia but me. I turned my gaze from Jax to the men, short notice alright. The man with long hair and a face tattoo stepped forward, "General. Sorry for the intrusion, but Tech here said it couldn't wait." The other man, Tech, looked up from his data pad, "The power coupler blew on our way out of the atmosphere. It was necessary." The long haired man sighed. The large clone pushed Tech aside, "Cool cruiser, General!" 

   Jax looked embarrassed. "Who are you?" I questioned. "Clone Force 99. I'm Hunter, that's Tech, Wrecker, and Crosshair," 'Hunter' introduced, pointing to each of the men. Tech did not seem to stray away from his data pad, Wrecker, well the name seemed fitting based on his size. Hunter seemed to be their leader, based off of his presence of authority, I assumed a sergeant. Crosshair didn't even look in my direction. I looked to Jax, who still held that sheepish look, "Have a team help them with their ship." He nodded, giving me a quick salute before walking off. I sighed, "Well, if there is any more you need, just ask."

   "Is there a reason you're not on Felucia, General," Crosshair remarked. My gaze flicked to him, my feet feeling heavy where they stood. I was no stranger to sarcasm, and he seemed full of it. "Crosshair," Hunter warned. I folded my arms over my chest, "I am needed here. Not down there." The toothpick between his lips rolled along his lips to the other side as he sneered. He didn't seem swayed by my answer, or lack thereof. It was a bland excuse, but I was told to 'remain where I was until otherwise'. Some General I was. "Figures. The Jedi always seem to leave the hard work for everyone else to do," He pulled the toothpick from his lips.

   His words caused even Tech's head to come up from his data pad to look on. Hunter moved to speak, but I stepped up to Crosshair, "Do you have no respect?"  He pointed the piece of wood at me, "I'm laying out the obvious, General. You must be green if you're up here and not down there." His tone was condescending, and I felt my skin grow hot. "I'll have you know I am on specific orders, not that I owe you an explanation," I scrutinized. His thin lips pulled into a frown, "Specific orders to remain useless?" "Crosshair, that's enough," Hunter growled. 

   He pushed Crosshair back with a hand to his chest, to which he stepped back from me. I was raging beneath my firm expression. The clones had the right to their own personal opinions, but blatant disrespect for a superior was unacceptable. His lips pulled into a sideways smirk, his fingers stuffing the little piece of wood back between his teeth. His gaze swept me up and down before he turned back towards their ship. My gaze remained on him the entire time, my heart thudding in my ears.

    Worst day ever.

   "General, I want apologize—" I held my hand up to Hunter, cutting him off. With a slow exhale through my nose, "It's not your place to apologize for his actions." I turned to him, glaring into his eyes, "But should he ever speak to me that way again, I will ensure he is given proper punishment." 

   I never got the okay to assist on Felucia, the 501st and 212th were pulled out within the second day of the campaign. Unfortunately for me, Clone Force 99 remained on my Venator due to them being assigned on my next mission. The Force worked in unfortunate ways. One hundred percent success rate and yet, I had never heard of them. Jax claimed they'd only been out from Kamino for only three months. They were young compared to the 287th. Not only young, but far more skilled and reckless than any trooper I'd met. Except for maybe Rex or Jax. 

   We were bound for Jillium, which would take over two cycles to arrive. I avoided the hangar, even though I offered accommodations for the 'Bad Batch'. They seemed to dismiss the idea of having personal barracks for the remainder of their stay aboard. So be it. Sleep on a ship for all I care. I was lucky to even receive a mission such as Jillium, I couldn't contain my anxiety to jump into action, though. After being knighted, I was sent on less and less, mainly coordinating from the bridge and with the Council. Jax handled most of the campaigns, which was his job, but it didn't keep me from feeling subpar to him. 

   I leaned over the holo table, looking over the mission plans for the third time, calculating my own routes should any of our current plans fail. I was strategic, my mind worked quicker than my hands at most times and tended to be an issue. I was ready for this regardless. I would prove my worth to Master Windu and finally have the slightest shed of honor. Clone Force 99 had been unfortunately coordinated into this attack, focusing on counterattacks while the 287th was pushing the front line. The sharpshooter had been the bane of my thoughts, his words causing me more headache than any of this.

   They were all quite peculiar, in a good and bad way. I liked their spunk, the drive they exhibited was admirable. I had taken the liberty to read over a few of their mission reports and I couldn't decide on how some of them made me feel. They didn't report to a General, they received orders directly from Kamino or the Council, which was an important component in how their squad operated. If I was to command over them, I'd need a strong hand. Not that it would matter, from what I'd read, they'd deviate from my commands quicker than I could say 'Gundark'.

   I rubbed at the now forming ache in my temples, trying to release some of the tension growing behind my eyes. I was exhausted, just as everyone else was in the galaxy. I found myself wondering if the Republic would ever be the same again after the war ends. If it ends. The fighting and endless destruction had to have a logical outcome in the end. I pressed the button on the holo table, the room shrouding itself in darkness from the lack of light. Peace. I just wanted some sort of peace. The comm device on my left forearm chirped, my brows pinching. 

   I spoke things into existence far too often. I tapped it, opening my channel as I made my way for the exit of the room, waving my fingers at the control panel. "General, you're needed on the bridge," Jax's voice rang out. My feet carried me into the corridor, past a few troopers, "On my way, Jax." I walked swiftly, dodging the frantic traffic of troopers on my way to the turbo lift. In short time, I entered the bridge and greeted whatever troopers were swapping spots with me in the turbo lift to leave. My gaze landed on Clone Force 99, then to Jax. My lips pressed together, ignoring the sideways glance the sharpshooter shot me.

   Stopping short of the holo table, I folded my hands behind my back, "What's the issue, Jax?" His features pinched softly, casting his gaze towards the table, "General Windu is on the line for you, General." My brows flattened. I removed one of my hands from behind my back, silently tapping the projector on. I bowed my head as Master Windu's hologram materialized. "Master," I greeted quietly. "General. I have an update on your mission for Jillium," He replied, his voice curt. I looked up at him, remaining quiet for him to continue. "I need you to remain on the bridge in case of an atmospheric attack," He continued.

   My heart plummeted, and I could sense the smirk on Crosshair's lips. I let a slow exhale out through my nose, "Master, with all due respect, I—" "That will be all. I will contact you once more upon your arrival," Master Windu cut off, giving me a glare that was intended to keep me silent. My jaw twitched, my teeth grinding together as I held back my tongue. I simply gave him a nod, watching his hologram disappear. Time to Jillium was still a little over a standard day, meaning there was still time for circumstances to change. That didn't mean I didn't feel the animosity radiating off of Crosshair.

   Jax didn't say anything further, rounding the table to converse with Hunter quietly. My gaze briefly met with Crosshairs, his eyes challenging me. What an ass. I wanted to rip that little piece of wood clean from his teeth and flick it into his eye, maybe then he'd shut up. I didn't. I held my tongue and excused myself, marching myself off the bridge.

-

   I tossed in bed all night, sleep eluded me. Coruscant had sent me completely off balance, what mattered and didn't blurred into one line, helpless to the salacious effects I felt from the dark side. I was drowning, more than I wanted to display or admit. Hollow. I wished for a normal life, one where I had never become a Jedi, where the Force hadn't chosen me to feel what others couldn't. I wished I didn't care so much. I left off on a mission of my own, Rex and the Batch had other separate things to attend to. It was some much needed space from the reality of what both parties were trying to accomplish.

   Rex found a lead on a Jedi padawan, which I quickly made it a point to investigate myself. If anyone was going to find this child, it would be me, not the Empire. I sat up in the small cramped cot of the transport I borrowed, the sheets bunching at my waist. I couldn't deny Rex's claims that I was being reckless since the events on Coruscant. I should've never gone, I should've stayed back like the Force warned me to. My mind was weak, which puzzled me. A fully trained Jedi knight and I was depreciated into a rogue scavenger. My Master wouldn't approve of this weakness.

   Sighing, I tossed the sheets off my legs and slid down from my cot, my feet thumping against the durasteel floor. I padded my way to the cockpit, slumping down into the pilot seat. The streams of hyperspace put me into a trance, filling me with a calm I knew would be disturbed. Six standard hours before I would pull from hyperspace to the planet of Teloth, a planet in mid rim. I called myself plenty of names for my short decision on leaving for this mission, mostly because I had no true plan. Finding a Force sensitive would've been easy if my focus wasn't so spaced, though, I figured the circumstances would've helped.

   Sleep would not come, it never did. Dreams and memories of the past I live in plague me; memories of a time I took advantage of. I missed Coruscant, I missed the Order and my Master. The Empire had all but ruined any hope of a peaceful galaxy, and everyday it almost seemed as if it were getting worse. I pulled my gaze from the view finder, the streams were fuzzing up my mind in ways I didn't enjoy. Instead, I picked up my blaster and checked it over, flicking through the cleaning routine Rex showed me how to do. I didn't much enjoy the use of a blaster, though it was the only weapon I could use from long distance. 

   I still wasn't a very good shot. I was terribly bored, and while I was probably sending myself to my death, I had no intel to go off of other than the supposed last sighting of this alleged padawan. All I knew was that if I had this intel, so did the Empire. The thought of finding another person like me other than Gungi sparked warmth in my heart. It had been a grueling year of not knowing the fates of any of the Jedi. I could only hope I wasn't too late.

   Waiting for the hours to tick by may have been more maddening than actually just staring into hyperspace, but when the dash trilled, I was immediately hyper focused. I pulled the lever down, the ship rumbling out of hyperspace and into the dead of space, the planet of Teloth staring me down. Hot, dusty and crime filled, this planet was no place I ever wanted to visit. Using the clearance code Rex provided me with, I inserted the chip into the transmitter and started my descent on the cruiser hovering above the planet. Imperial transports whizzed past me as I approached the checkpoint, and I waited for the signal.

   "Transmit your clearance codes, shuttle T-87," A troopers voice cut in through my intercom. I tapped the button, allowing the code to be sent to them. I waited, my tongue over salivating with the nerve to throw up, my fingers twitching over the accelerators. "Clear to land on landing pad seven," The trooper responded after the pregnant silence. I let out a sharp exhale, pushing the accelerators forward, past the checkpoint and down towards the atmosphere. What a silly idea coming here alone. I wasn't a warrior, not anymore, and my nerve was that of a coward.

   It was too late to go back, my ship pushing past the atmosphere and down into the harsh weather of Teloth. I proceeded to landing pad seven as instructed, the landing gear grinding as I deployed it, the ship groaning upon touching the ground. I sat there for a moment, watching the city hustle through the view finder. My hands were already coated in a thick layer of perspiration, and I hadn't even stepped outside yet. I stood, pulling my shawl off the back of my seat and heading for the ramp. I pulled the shawl over my head, the dense fabric hanging over my shoulders. 

   I holstered my blaster as well, pressing the button to let down the gangplank. The Force buzzed at the base of my spine, not one of danger, but a simple warning to keep my wits about. The mechanical clunk of the ramp settling filled me with trepidation, but my feet moved before my mind, taking me out under the blistering sun. I regretted my attire already. There were TK-troopers scattered about, blasters in arms but alas, not paying any mind to me. My excuse on being here was that I was some sort of contracted bounty hunter.

   I was a horrible liar. I walked down the pathway from the landing pad, keeping my gaze ahead of me and no where else. Creating issues where they weren't necessary was my prime goal, especially with the high crime rate here. It seemed the Empire didn't care, bounty hunters thrived here. I nearly scoffed, how did this kid end up here of all places? I slid through the dense street filled with creatures and people, again, keeping my eyes trained on either the ground on at the next persons back. Eyes occasionally rolled over me, quickly disappearing when I showed I had nothing to offer. 

   I suppose I did look a bit grungy. I fit right in, looking exactly like every other slime ball looking for a target. The market was hectic, merchants yelled over one another offering subpar items for steep prices. I was never much of a negotiator and would probably end up paying more than what was expected. I grunted, a Rodian man shoulder checking me as I slid past. I hid my distain well, shaking my head softly and continuing on. I was too far in my thoughts for this place and I was quickly growing overwhelmed with the aura this place emitted. I pushed on, breaking through the hustling market into another street.

   According to Rex's intel, this supposed padawan was seen at 'Sharr's tavern' on the west side of the city. Landing pads were in the east meaning I had to travel through the middle of the city to get to the other side. I stuck to the less traffic filled streets, avoiding high alert areas the Empire patrolled. The Force hummed softly in my ears, but it still hadn't given me any insight to where this child could be found. The further across the city I got, the more I became discouraged. I knew better than to think this child would remain in the same spot after so obviously being spotted, but a part of me wished they had.

   Upon reaching Sharr's tavern, I stepped inside and was immediately met with the thick aroma of ale and body odor. The place was filled with actual criminals and bounty hunters while I was here playing dress up. I avoided the gaze of many of the patrons here realizing I was not a regular, sliding up to the bar. The C5 droid spun towards me, his other four limbs working on beverages for other patrons. "Dorian Quill," I spoke plainly, my eyes skating past the droid. I pulled a few credits from my belt pouch, tossing them across the bar top as the droid began on my drink as well.

   I didn't enjoy drinking in the slightest, but my Master had taught me plenty enough on the art of blending in. The droid slid the drink my way and quickly nabbed up the credits I deposited, my hand catching the glass. I brought it to my lips swiftly, biting down a sip of the liquor. My nose scrunched slightly at the burn, but I choked it back regardless. Nothing here seemed unordinary, despite the leering eyes at the occasional woman passing by a table of seedy men. I rolled my eyes at the notion, looking down into my drink. What a pleasant place to be.

   The stool beside me dragged across the ground, my gaze flicking to the perpetrator. A humanoid looking man sat beside me, a drink of his own clutched in his grimy hands. My lips pressed together, turning my gaze away. "I haven't seen you around here before. Names Dexan," The man introduced. The glass was at my lips, biting back another sip of the liquor in my cup. "Haesea," I replied. I chose not to reply to the first part of his question, trying to build some sort of wall around my very vulnerable attention span. I wasn't interested in this 'Dexan', I was trying to remain on task.

   He clicked his tongue, "You lookin' for someone?" My gaze flitted back to him, hard and uninviting, "Is there something you need?" His brows raised slightly as he leaned back, taking a sip of his own poison, "Just curious. You'll attract the wrong attention by sitting here alone." My lips curled downwards, "Looks like I already have." I turned back to my drink, swirling the amber around the glass. A soft grunt emitted from him, "You're poking around where you don't really belong. This isn't the place to be." "Oh, yeah? I'm still not sure why you're talking to me. I'm perfectly fine," I snapped back, rolling my eyes.

   Dexan's intentions were unclear, but from what I could tell, there was no deception in his words. The possibility of him knowing me was low, though, but there was always a slim chance my bounty was floating around here. "You look uncomfortable. From what I can tell just by looking at you, you don't normally come to bounty hunter filled taverns. You don't even look like you belong on Teloth," He regarded. My gaze flickered to him, my brows flattening, "Maybe you're just a poor judge of character." He hummed, eyeing me over his glass, "I'm usually not."

   The Force crackled up my spine, an unclear warning. He either knew who I was or figured I was here to hide. I hoped for the latter, it was easier to lie about that. "I'm here to look for a target. Possible Jedi sighting," I replied curtly. He let out a long whistle, "A Jedi? Here? I'm not too sure about that." He was lying. I felt it deep in my bones as the last word rolled off his tongue. He knew something, what it was, I needed to figure out. "Are you sure? Or, are you trying to keep the bounty to yourself?" I pressed. He scoffed, "It would be bad business, sweetheart." 

   I nearly gagged at the pet name, rolling my eyes and downing the rest of my drink. I was tired of the agonizing smell of the place and his washed out answers. I could find the kid myself. I slid from my stool, pushing the glass away and rounding the seat, when his hand wrapped around my bicep. I pulled my blaster and pointed it at his stomach as he whipped me around, my eyes narrowing on him. "You should be careful," I growled, the blaster whirring as I readied a shot. He didn't seem to care about my threat, his gaze boring down into mine.

   "You won't shoot me, Jedi," He whispered. My heart must've been ripped clean from my chest because I swore it wasn't there anymore. He did know who I was, that meant the possibility of others knowing was not in fact as low as I thought. The shit eating grin on his face told me he'd figured me out before I could put two and two together, leaving me feeling more stupid. "What now? Gonna turn me in?" I grumbled back. My nerves were on end, and the facade I had tried to build was all but shattered by his unexpected knowledge.

   "No," He replied plainly, "I'm going to help you." My lips turned downward, my senses going on high alert. Either he was very good at lying, or my senses in the Force were incredibly dull. "And I should believe you, why?" I questioned lowly. He hummed, thumb brushing over my bicep, "I need something in return. Someone of your caliber to aide me with something.. particular." I didn't like his implication, but there was always going to be a price to pay for the things you want. I only want to get the kid out of here and safe, if that meant getting my hands dirty, so be it.

   The issue was that I wasn't this 'person of specific caliber' he thought I was. I yanked my arm from his grasp, looking around and holstering my blaster. "What makes you think I can help you?" I questioned. He tilted his head, "You can. Do we have a deal?" I would like to punch him straight in his jaw for putting me in this position, but with him knowing who I was, denying this job would mean the worst for me. The grin on his face told me he knew my answer, my eyes rolling in return. "Fine. I will help you," I growled.

-

   Dexan worked with a group of underground rebels on Teloth ever since the Empire came through and ruined the place. Apparently, it wasn't nearly as bad as it was now, much to my surprise. I wasn't getting any information on the padawan until I held up my part of the deal, which I figured would happen anyway. This was taking far longer than I intended, a day trip to scope out any potential signs and I was sucked right into a criminal operation. I wished Rex had come with me, maybe even the Batch. Dexan introduced me to a few others in his ring of rebels, Lyna, Rio, and Chealan, his top fighters.

   To me, it looked like things were sorted well for them, why they needed my help was concerning in itself. I wasn't the Jedi he thought I was, but I really had no other choice but to follow along. These people weren't to be trusted, even if they were against the Empire. I wanted no part in a rebellion, just as much as I didn't want a part in Rex's clone one. Too much heat, too many unknown variables where I was concerned. I caused issues just by people knowing me. I was a plague to anything good the galaxy had left to offer. Dexan led me into another room, his top commanders surrounding a table.

   In the center, a hologram was lit up displaying the topography of Teloth's main city. I eyed each of the people with caution, folding my arms over my chest in a guarded manner. Dexan rounded the table, waving a hand out at me, "This is Haesea. She has agreed to help with the rush." The rush? I quirked a brow at him, remaining silent as the others acknowledged me. I wasn't sure how much these people knew about me, but if I had to guess, they knew my name wasn't actually 'Haesea' and that they knew what I was. "What's the plan?" I questioned. Dexan grinned, "There are four outposts the Empire has installed in the city, all of which collect tax and impose martial law. We're going to remove them." 

   I nodded, filing the information in my already spinning mind, "What's 'the rush?'" Lyna swiped at the holo, pulling up a series of attack plans with lines crossing over the city in four cuts, each directed towards a specific outpost, "Four teams will go out and 'rush' each sector. One team will raid the command center while the others knock out their support." I frowned. This seemed more like a rushed plan than just being called 'the rush'. I had seen war, I knew how to draw out battle plans and calculate casualties and percentages of success, but this looked like suicide. "And what of air support? There's a cruiser in the atmosphere." I pointed out. 

   Chealan grinned, his alien-like features scrunching up as Rio nudged him with his shoulder. I still didn't understand. "What is your objective? Because, from what I can tell, there is none," I growled. Dexan chuckled, "It's more of a series of events. We want justice. The Empire has taken far too much from Teloth. Once we can take their ships—" I scoffed, cutting him off, "You think you can steal their aircraft? Do you have people who know how to fly them?" Lyna glared, "We have people. It's a rebellion, it's growing everyday." "Not fast enough. You simply don't have the manpower for a full on assault," I countered.

   Dexan smirked, "We have you." This man was putting more faith in me than he should. I already knew for a fact I could not complete what he was asking of me. I leaned over the table, glaring daggers into his face, "You think I can do anything to change the tide? It doesn't work if a bunch of untrained civilians with a dream can't execute a plan." "The plan remains, Haesea. You don't get your information without helping us," Dexan taunted. I was sure I could figure it out on my own, but it was that if Dexan even had the intel I was looking for, that irked me. "You could be lying just to pull me into an awaiting disaster," I growled.

   He shrugged, "Then I guess you'll just have to trust me." Hard pass on that. I would never trust anyone again after what the Empire has done to me. 

   There were forty people maximum for their planned assault, over one-hundred and eighty accounted troopers, clones and TK's alike. I was with Devan and his team on infiltrating the command center, which irritated me. I stalked off to my ship to collect my thoughts, going over the plan in my head obsessively. I had gotten dragged into something much bigger than I intended, and now, I was stuck. I couldn't leave without confirmation of the padawan on the planet, and I couldn't just not go along with Dexan's plan. I was at an impasse with my own thoughts and decisions.

   I trudged up the gangplank, heading for the cockpit and slumping into my seat. My head was already raging with a headache. Rex wouldn't approve of this, he would've told me to get off world the moment anyone had even approached me and knew of my identity. I wasn't as good at this undercover mission crap as I thought I was. I leaned back in my seat, deciding against contacting Rex. I could deal with my own poor decisions by myself. I spun around, folding my arms over my chest. Dexan wanted a Jedi for this mission, but what I couldn't understand was why he needed one. He didn't know me, at least not truthfully.

   I wasn't a Jedi. 

   I met back at Dexan's base of operations the next day when the sun finally cracked over the horizon. There, his fighters gathered up for the awaiting attack planned for later in the day. There were so many variables that could go terribly wrong, all of which they'd brushed off as over reacting on my part. What did I know, I didn't have three years of war experience or anything. I sat through many briefings, all of them were filled with the jeering of men and women around me who had no idea what they were getting themselves into. The Force was heavy, it waited to claim people for their deaths.

   When the time came for the groups to disperse, I remained quiet and followed Dexan and his team out whilst the rest of the fighters went their separate ways. The hope was that if it seemed like an uprising, people would join in and take back what they'd been denied. Rebellions were built on hope, I suppose. The streets of the city were just as jam packed as they were when I first arrived, giving perfect cover to us. It had its disadvantages. Innocents would suffer at the hand for the greater good. When the sun reached its highest, the attack would begin. 

   I kept my eyes sharp and my senses open, though it was hard with the overwhelming sense of dread. I wasn't prepared to do this, I wasn't ready to fight back. I was a coward, I was doing this for my own selfish needs. I wanted nothing more than to find another like me, some sort of respite that another Jedi could be alive. It could all be a farce. I could be doing this for nothing. Still, I sensed no other Force signature in the Force, meaning, the kid wasn't here, they didn't exist, or they were dead. I hoped they had just gotten off world. Dexan flicked his fingers, a silent cue to break off into formation. 

   I slowed down, taking a sharp turn down an alleyway around the building. My fear overwhelmed my nerves, clawing at the back of my mind to do the cowardly thing and run. I couldn't run. Running wasn't an option here anymore. I sucked down a long breath, shaking my head and moving on, stuffing my fear into a little box inside the back of my mind. When I heard blaster fire, I knew Dexan's plan was upon us. Uproar from the city streets filled my ears, my hands feeling too twitchy for my own comfort. My lightsabers hung heavy at my sides.

   What a stupid mistake. I quickened my pace, pushing through frantic civilians as I broke back out onto the street. My gaze locked on the command center, our point of interest. I dodged barreling body's, making my way for the command center. The Force was scattered, nothing for me to grasp onto as a symbol of stability. I felt completely and utterly on my own. My body slammed into the wall as I reached it, heaving down gulps of air. The sun was hot, beating down on my back, my body already slick with perspiration. 

   I looked up, forcing my hands up to grasp onto the wall to start pulling myself up. I pulled my body up, further and further, ascending the side wall up to the roof. My limbs felt numb by the time I reached the top, but I pushed forward like my mind was on autopilot. I ran to the top entrance, pressing my hands to the door. Mechanism was locked. My finger nails dug into the dura steel door, my eyes pinching shut in concentration. I imagined the doors mechanism, using the Force to guide me through the unlocking process. It took more resistance than it should've, but I wasn't what I used to be.

   The door hissed, the seal squealing as it released from the threshold, sliding open. I swung my legs into it, letting myself drop into the building. Dexan and the rest of the squad were working their way from the bottom to the top, leaving me with redirecting Imperial support from the main deck. My feet were near silent as I ran through the endless dura steel corridors, my gaze snapping around wildly. I slid around a corner, my feet coming to a halt as I saw three troopers stop in their tracks just thirty feet before me. I pulled my blaster the moment theirs raised, diving forward into a roll.

   I dodged their blaster fire, returning my own occasionally. I fired a shot into one of the troopers legs, disabling him. Close combat was easier than shooting. Rex really needed to teach me how to use this blasted thing. I was able to reach the group, using the butt of my blaster to bash into the helmet of one of them while simultaneously kicking the other unwounded one back into the wall. I grabbed the dazed trooper, tugging him in front of me as the other one I kicked caught his bearings, using him as a shield when the other one fired. 

   I shoved his now limp body forward, forcing the other trooper to react by shoving him off. The other one with a wound in his leg had reached his discarded blaster, my gaze snapping to him. As he prepared to fire, I shoved my hand out and redirected his blaster at the other trooper, his shot landing in that one's chest. I tugged his blaster from his hands with the Force, switching it to a stun blast and incapacitating him. I panted heavily, tossing the blaster down and stepping over the now unmoving men, "So uncivilized." I picked my jog back up, continuing on my route.

   It wasn't long before I reached the main deck, taking out the two troopers with a stun blast as I entered. I holstered my blaster quickly, stopping at the main console. Through the view finder, the chaos of the city was much worse than I thought. I had a good view of two of the outposts from where I was, both were being heavily attacked. The facility shook. Dexan and his team had blown their way in. I looked down, my hands hovering over the console. I began tapping wildly, starting with comm communications and beginning to shut them down temporarily. It was a process, one Tech would've been much better suited for. 

   "CC-1226 has been deployed with a squad in sector—" The comm cut off as I shut them down, but the number made my heart nearly stop. My hands quivered, my jaw going slack as I rolled over the information. My breaths labored, my eyes growing more bleary as the moments passed. I stumbled back from the console, my back crashing into another. My legs could give out, numbness spreading over my body. "Jax.." I whispered sharply. The facility shook violently, forcing me to my knees. A dull pain spread over my knees, but I was knocked back into reality by it. 

   I stumbled to my feet, grasping onto the console and pulling myself past, running for the exit. The command center was actively being bombed, which I wasn't aware of that being the objective. I flung myself out of the room, mind still reeling with the knowledge that Jax was here. Rex had told me more and more clones were defecting due to realizing the fault in the order to kill the Jedi. I needed to find him. Dexan and his fighters wouldn't spare him solely because he was Imperial. My legs pumped hard, carrying me back through the facility to where I entered. 

   I rounded the corner to find more troopers, ducking out of the way of their immediate fire. I charged into another corridor, choosing to run instead of fight. Heavy footsteps and blaster fire echoed behind me as I ran, narrowly dodge astray fire. I slid around another corner, ducking into an open room. I rammed my elbow into the keypad, the circuits sparking causing the door to shut. I had minutes, if that, before the troopers outside actually became an issue. I scurried through the room, my eyes frantically looking for a shed of a plan. I located another vent in the corner of the room, small, but my only viable option.

   I crashed down to my hands and knees, yanking at the grate until it came free, tossing it aside and diving in. The dura steel bit into my elbows as I crawled through the tight space, the air hot and thick inside of the shaft. My labored breaths were all I could hear over the muffled sounds of battle just outside. It took far too long before I reached the end, bashing my hands into the grate until it fell off. I slid free of the suffocating vent, clamoring to my feet. I looked around, Dexan and his team had obviously been through here. Dead troopers littered the corridor with the heavy scent of blaster fire singeing my nose. 

   I followed the trail of destruction, blaster in hand. I could hear the sound of voices the closer I got down the corridor, Rio's the loudest next to Chealan's barking laughter. I entered the room, the four raising their blasters at me. I raised my hands, and they lowered them, realizing I wasn't the threat. I glared at Dexan as I approached the group, "It would've been nice to know you were bombing the place." A grin pulled at his lips, "How else did you think we were getting in?" I rolled my eyes, groaning as I pushed past the group. The idiocy these people emitted was enough to break my brain.

   I made my way for the exit of the facility, waving a hand in front of my face, the dust thick in the air as I stepped outside. Another explosion to my left made my hearing ring, my hands cupping my head down. Dexan clapped my back as him and his team walked out past me, gaining a sneer from me. I followed after them, the chaos around seeming to miss us. They seemed to be content with the destruction they'd done on Teloth, which angered me. Death and destruction at what cost? My part was complete, I was done with his mini revolution. I marched up to him, stepping in his way.

  "I helped. Now tell me where the Jedi is," I growled. His brows raised, "You're done so soon? I figured you of all people wanted revenge." I frowned, "Not when it concerns so many innocent lives." Lyna sneered, "Everything comes at a cost, Haesea." I gave her none of my attention, focusing on Dexan, "I mean it. Tell me what you know so I can get out of here." He remained quiet, his grin fading into a flat line. My eyes narrowed, irritated with his unnecessary silence. His expression didn't change as the two of us stared at one another, my anger boiling just barely below the surface. 

   I growled, "Dexan—" "Imp's picked him up yesterday morning. He isn't here anymore," He cut off, his sharp canines baring into a smile. Yesterday morning, just hours before I even arrived. He used my wants for his own personal gain, and I fell right into it. I wanted to bite out a string of curses, but his team began to walk off, Dexan shrugging as he followed after. My fingernails dug into the palms of my hands, my teeth grinding. Maybe I really was just naive. I had such high hopes of finding the kid before the Empire got a hold of him, all for me to be too late anyway. 

   I should've known his story wasn't straight when I felt no signature in the Force. I couldn't feel what wasn't there. My chin dipped down into my chest, tears fighting hard to be released. They wouldn't be. My chest heaved, my gaze slowly moving up to level. Anger. I had so much hatred for the Empire and what it had done to my life. I was right to crave revenge. I would have it. I stalked off the other way, blaster fire and explosions still wracking the city. I wasn't doing this to help Dexan. No, I was claiming some sort of vengeance for myself.

   I yanked one of my lightsabers from my belt, tossing the blaster away. The yellow beam ignited with the same fury that burned hot in my chest, the tip singeing the ground. I spun the blade around, deflecting a stray blaster shot into a booth, my gaze unrelenting. I didn't even feel that overwhelming sense of fear when a squad of troopers came into view. I wasn't a killer, never had been, but there was no denying that I would be going too far today. The blade of plasma cracked through the armor of the first trooper, my free hand shooting out and shoving back another.

   It was an undeniable sense of power that surged through my veins, my blade spinning around in ways I had never done before. I cut through another's leg, tossing my blade over into the other hand to stab backwards into one's chest. Death. I was at least right about the overwhelming amount of death the Force would claim. I spun the blade around once more, taking off the last one's head. I hardly felt guilty for my actions, stepping over their bodies as I continued on like nothing had happened. I marched down the street, the occasional civilian running past. I was on a mission to satiate the pain in my heart. 

   In the city center, there was more fire and blaster fire from both parties. I charged into the fray with no regard, no plan, and definitely no sense. My blade cut through countless men, their bodies reminding me of a B1 battle droid during the war. My head ached, my eyes felt strained. My body was moving before my mind, I was overwhelmed with the need for my pain to be absolved. My jaw was clenched so hard I thought my teeth might fall out. I shoved my free hand out again as a trooper ran at me, his body stopping. My lips twitched, my eyes narrowing at the aggressor while my fingers curled inward.

   His body lifted, fingers clawing at his neck, his legs kicking wildly. I felt his life force, it faded the longer and tighter I held on. This was wrong, completely and utterly inhumane. I couldn't force my hand to drop, my hand only curling tighter. Darkness wrapped around my mind, a cold feeling that sunk into my core. Everything was cold, not even the extreme temperature pierced through my focus. Anger. So much anger and—

"General!" A voice called out. My eyes widened a fraction on the man I was choking, my head turning towards the voice. A trooper approached, his hands raised blaster tossed away. My body shivered, my grip remaining. His hands slowly moved to his helmet, lifting it off his head and letting it dangle at his side. 

   Jax. My hand slackened, the trooper dropping from my grasp, hitting the ground alive, but incapacitated. The lightsaber in my right hand pointed at Jax as he stepped nearer, his movements halting at my obvious mistrust. My eyes stared down, wide and unbelieving of the sight. Jax was here. He was alive. His usual stoic features I was used to were gone, replaced with sorrow. He broke the silence, "General—" "Don't— call me that.." I cut him off, the grip on my lightsaber tightening. His neck strained, giving me a soft nod of his head. 

   He wasn't hostile, he was nothing like the man he was on Argiam. His face didn't hold the tension of when he was ordered to shoot me, when I cut his brothers down but spared him. I felt my cheeks grow wet, my free hand wiping it away quickly. He looked like he'd been kicked around in the past year, more wrinkles lining his face. His shoulders hung heavy, his eyes dull and lifeless. He was hurting, just as much as I was. My jaw trembled, a thousand words on the tip of my tongue that wouldn't let loose. He offered me one of his usual sideways smiles.

   I found myself wanting to smile back, wanting to wrap my arms around him. There was more for him, Rex could see to that. His face morphed into pain suddenly, my heart dropping. He coughed, falling slowly to a knee. My lightsaber deactivated as it fell from my hand, rushing forwards to him as he nearly fell face first. His arms clung to me, smoke puffing from a blaster wound in his back. "Jax. Jax stay up, do you understand me?" I pleaded, supporting his heavy weight. He clung to me, his feet finding the dirt and gaining stability. He leaned into me as I looked over the wound, my lips flattening, "We need to go."

   He gave me a look, "You know as well as I that I will only slow you down." I slung his arm over my shoulder, my other hand pulling my discarded lightsaber back to me. "If you think I'm leaving you behind, you're sadly mistaken," I growled. He chuckled weakly, "You haven't changed one bit." If only he knew. The two of us stumbled across the city center, blaster fire spraying around us. My ship was only half way through the city, if it hadn't been blown up. Jax grunted as I pulled him along, the two of us moving as quickly as a shot man could.

   A mix of curses and tripping got us one-hundred feet of the landing pads, my ship in view. I tugged him along quicker, but his wound was progressively harming him the more and more he moved it. "Just a little further, come on—" An explosion cried out just beside us, throwing both of us back and away from one another. My head hit the ground, my ears piercing with a sharp ring. The air had been sucked from my lungs, my body numb as I looked up at the sky bleary eyed. Every limb on my body burned, my fingers felt like they'd been fried off and my eyes felt like dust.

   The air was thick with debris, and my hearing wasn't getting any better. I heaved as I rolled over onto my side, my blurry gaze landing on a motionless Jax. My fingers dug into the dirt, my body rolling flat onto my stomach. I clawed my way towards him, my body shaking with agony every bit I crawled. I slapped my hand over his chest, pulling my body over him to check for any sign of life. He coughed, his eyes cracking open barely. "Jax," I rasped, but my own voice sounded muffled to my ears. He groaned, his head lulling to the side. I shook him, trying to get him to stand, though, I wasn't even sure I could stand.

   He gasped, his eyes blowing wide as he came to full consciousness. I shoved myself up to my knees, helping him into a sitting position. "We need to move— now, Jax," I rasped, his head nodding softly. With incredible effort, the two of us aided one another in standing, knees wobbling. He was weak, nearly falling over his own feet every time we tried to move. My lightsaber was lost in the explosion, I didn't care much for that fact at the moment. Jax and I needed to get out of here if we wanted to live. He tripped, falling to a knee. I tugged on his arm, but he wouldn't budge. "You need to go," He coughed out.

   I scoffed, "I told you already I wasn't going to." The rush of footsteps broke through the muffled sound of my hearing, my body stiffening. "They're coming. I won't let them harm you," He begged. I looked down at him, he meant the other troopers would shoot me down. But if he was seen fleeing with me, he'd be court-martialed or killed. "I'm not fucking leaving you here," I growled, pulling on him again. "You don't have a choice," He hissed, his eyes glaring hard into mine. He was always so opinionated, so freely spoken. I blamed myself for teaching him that, he acted more like me than I did.

   "Freeze! Hands where we can see them!" A trooper shouted. My eyes narrowed as I looked past Jax, my hand reaching for my remaining lightsaber. Jax's hand grasped onto my wrist, "Don't. Just get yourself to safety, General." If the moment were appropriate, I would've scolded him for calling me that again. He was sacrificing himself for me to run away like a coward again. I didn't want that. My gaze flicked up again, there were too many, and I was weak from the blast. "I will find you," I whispered, bowing my head to him. He grunted, "I know you will."

   I stepped back from him, tugging my lightsaber from my belt, the yellow beam igniting. The troopers began to fire at me, Jax ducking to the ground as I began deflecting. I slowly moved backwards, spinning the blade around, my eyes constantly catching Jax. My heart burned with agony, I found my commander and had to leave him all in the span of an hour. I shoved my hands out, pushing the troopers back with the Force. I gave Jax one more glance before turning on my heel to run. He wasn't afraid, no, I felt his sense of accomplishment. I would find him, no matter where.

   I reached my ship, deactivating my lightsaber and tossing it somewhere as the ramp folded up, hustling to the cockpit. I jumped into my seat, priming the thrusters and readying my ship. I was met with a sense of regret watching Jax be forced to his feet and handcuffed, forcing him away from the site. Someone stepped through the dust, black armor and a rifle, green visor trained directly on my ship. He didn't shoot like the rest of the troopers were, simply regarding me behind his sinister helmet. I scowled, my fingers hovering over the triggers for my plasma fire. 

   My shields were taking too much heat, so I pulled back on my thrusters instead of listening to my hearts desire. I took off from the war torn city, plugging in my hyperspace coordinates as I broke through the atmosphere. I hadn't found the padawan, but Jax instead, only to leave him behind while Crosshair stared. He was lucky his brothers were special to me, otherwise, I would have shot him until he was dust.

Chapter Text

   Birds circled overhead, crying out as they looked down upon their next meal. 

   It didn't matter what it was, if it was flesh and bone or something emerging from the melting ice, the bird would eat. 

   Their dark, beady eyes and lengthy bodies were merely feather and cartilage, food wasn't easy to source. 

   The bird didn't have feelings for the dead, it was the food chain, survival of the fittest. 

   A cruel aspect of life, but life nonetheless. 

   Man below looked up and wondered what it would be like to be so free.

   The bird didn't care. 

   It was hungry.

   I surged upwards in my cot, my chest clenching hard as I sucked down gulps of air. Sweat streamed down my temples, my sheets soiled in my night sweat. My hair stuck to my forehead, my hands clutched in the sheets tightly. It had been a month since Jax was taken before my eyes, weeks of these consistent night terrors. They'd started maybe a few days after the events of Teloth, in the time being, the Batch had found refuge on the planet of Pabu. The island planet offered peace in a very small sense, peace we all so desperately needed. Rex had thought it to be a good idea for me to come here to get the heat off me.

   That was just a cover for what he and everyone else was thinking. I knew what it looked like. I was losing my mind, every single one of them had seen when the night terrors disrupted my sleep. It was unbearable, and none of the dreams connected nor made any sense. It was probably a punishment to my actions on Teloth, using the dark side came with consequences. I deserved them for my weakness, my poor decisions. I tossed the sheets off my legs, swinging them over the edge of my cot. My feet pressed to the wooden boards gently, knees wavering as I stood fully. At least I had my own hut.

   I dragged my feet all the way out of my room and into the small kitchenette, swiping a glass from the drying rack. I grabbed a water canister, spinning the top off and pouring myself a full glass. I chugged down the lukewarm liquid, streams of it breaking past the corners of my mouth and down my neck. I woke up like this nearly every night, and every night I drank like a bantha in a prime heat cycle. My empty glass was refilled immediately, repeating my prior action with fervor until I was quenched. I leaned over the counter, the sweat that was beading my forehead drying out now that I had calmed down some.

   I had heard of such skills within the Force from Master Yoda before, a strange gift that allowed one to see past and future through glimpses based on fears. None of my night terrors correlated from another, there were always different voices and environments. I was being shown these things for a reason, the Force always had a reason. It was tinged with warning, but discomfort and pain were the main aggressors. I was lost, confused as to what was being shown to me. I had always lacked depth in my perception even while my connection with the Force excelled. But I saw things one sided, just as the Jedi had. And that's what got them killed.

   It was no coincidence, the Force picked the path and it was my decision to follow it. Problem was, my connection to the Force was damaged now. What happened on Teloth still seemed fuzzy at times, like I hadn't truly been present while there. My rage and desperation had led me down a dark path, thus my actions of violence against those troopers. I shivered at the thought, rolling my neck around until I felt that satisfying pop. If I could've been half the Jedi my Master was, I would've known the answers to the many questions plaguing my everyday life. But he was dead, and I wasn't. The Force must've had a reason for that, too.

   I didn't even attempt sleeping again, not after I had spiraled myself into a million questions about tonight's 'dream'. I waited until the sun cracked over the water before I left my hut, walking to the same cliff I always sat at. It was about two clicks outside of the immediate village of Pabu, serene and quiet from the soon to be bustling town who couldn't sit still. I let gravity pull me down into a kneeling position, folding my hands over my lap. I hardly meditated, my results didn't yield what I was looking for. Instead, I sat here, thinking until I got tired of thinking, and left. It was unfortunate since Pabu was so dense with the Force.

   Illusions and confusion were kin to me at this point, and trying to differentiate real and not real often offered little respite. I'd grown to fear the Force and its many unknown aspects, and the purge had been the beginning of the snowball effect. I'd tried so hard to avoid what the Force was tempting me to do, but I had no will power over it. How could twenty four years of restless training and experience dissolve in a matter of one day? Trauma was a weird thing to navigate, since it never truly went away. I'd been putting bacta spray over a blaster wound and calling it a fix when in reality, it was only blanketing the surface.

   The soft crashing of the waves at high tide did little to soothe the storm that developed within. Finding where the clone prisoners were being held was at the forefront of my mind, my biggest worry. If Jax had anything to do with my dreams, he was in trouble. He'd given up his life in turn for mine, even when I cut down his brothers without second chance. He didn't get the chance to taste freedom. When I find him, he would, and he would never lose it. I sighed raggedly, my eyes fluttering open to the morning sun fully breaching the ocean. I squinted, planting a hand to the ground and pushing myself up to my feet.

   By now the others would be awake, and I'd have to once again pretend that I had also just woken up. I started my long walk back to the village, kicking a stray pebble in the track I'd formed from how often I came up here. Echo would be coming in today, hopefully with some intel on the base they'd been looking for. A part of me wished I was helping Rex, but it never felt right to surround myself with the clones. I had wronged them all, in a sense. They followed Jedi leadership with no hesitation, but when their darkest hour came, we weren't able to help them. We all lost in the end.

   There was minimal chatter in the village as I reached the outskirts, just the folk who woke up early to get started on fishing. If I weren't so anxious, I would've taken up a life of solitude here indefinitely. But the Empire still actively searched for Jedi survivors, and I wasn't going to be the cause of this planets unrest. My chest burned with the feeling of dread, not that it was anything new. It was similar to when I'd eat a stale ration pack that had clearly gone bad, but I needed to eat regardless. It would fill me with nausea instead of content like the meals prepared at the Temple. The burn had always been there, though, but it had gradually shifted into dissatisfaction. 

   My stomach twisted with knots, feeling light like when a shuttle would begin a rapid descent. Perhaps everyone’s concerns were warranted, maybe I was losing my mind. My gaze shifted upwards to look ahead instead of at my feet, my eyes breathing in the scenery of peace. How this small planet had evaded the Empire’s clutches was beyond me. I was almost jealous of their ability to remain oblivious to the damages that were being done off world. They weren't oblivious, they'd been through hell just to find peace in such a small quantity. My feet came to a standstill at the port to the docks, my gaze tracing over Wrecker and Hunter.

   The two had become vital to the community, Shep and Phee had seen to that. With Wrecker's strength, the folk around took immediate interest in his abilities while Hunter helped with a multitude of tasks. Tech was.. Tech. He'd found something technical to busy himself with, no matter if it was the motor of a speed boat or equipment, he was hands on and available. Currently, Omega was being allowed to learn how to fly the Marauder, which was entertaining to anyone who watched. Tech always came back looking more disheveled than the last time. She was getting good, though.

   Everyone had a part to play, helping the community in one way or another. I wouldn't lie to myself and say I was doing anything to better the community, or myself, but I felt limited. The Jedi were brought up on helping others, but I had all but forgotten how to function in a normal setting. Going from three years in a war to a wandering death sentence following you around, having purpose was objective. On a planet where everyone had a purpose and everyone knows one another, I felt like I could never have a place here, no matter how much I wanted it. Isolating myself to hiding hadn't gotten me very far.

   "Ashla!" Shep's voice called out from behind me. My head turned to him as he stopped beside me. He had a soft smile on his lips as usual despite the early hour, his kind brown eyes reflecting that smile. I returned a half smile of my own, "Shep. You're up early." He chuckled, looking out onto the dock of already working people. He was a good leader, genuine to every person on Pabu. He remembered everyone's name, showed genuine compassion and respect to everyone around him. He would hate what went on in the Senate district. "Just wanted to come out and deliver some fruit before everyone goes out," He replied.

   Selfless and generous. The galaxy had eaten this man up and spit him out, yet, he remained a beacon of stability for everyone here. I waved a hand, silently declining one of the fruits. I hummed, "That's kind of you." I looked back to where Wrecker and Hunter were, Wrecker already loading up into a boat, his booming voice traveling over the space. Hunter had cast me a glance along with a short nod, but didn't approach. "How're you adjusting?" He asked suddenly. I hadn't grown accustomed to his concern towards people, me specifically. He was just trying to be attentive, it wasn't as if I were being obvious in my brooding.

   I folded my arms over my chest, "I'm alright. Just getting used to the peace here." He exhaled softly through his nose, "I can imagine. The galaxy is a tough place right now." It was, and it was what made it feel even worse for me to be here. I felt guilty, hiding away on such a beautiful planet filled with even kinder people when I had done nothing but run from duty. The length his gaze remained on me told me enough. He knew there was more than what met the eye, but less he knew, the better. For everyone. He placed a heavy hand on my shoulder, giving it a light squeeze, "Let me show you something." 

   Before I could respond, he was turning away and walking back into the village. I glanced between the dock and him once more, sighing and following after him. My steps felt heavier with each one, but I kept myself open to socialization. Each and every person we passed by received a warm greeting, and they returned the kindness he displayed. That same feeling of jealousy brimmed at my insides, wishing I could feel just as attentive. He took me all the way up to the topside of Pabu, where the Marauder was docked. The tall structure that sat behind the large Weeping Maya tree stretched tall into the sky.

   "This is the Archium," He spoke, my gaze following to where his hand raised. My feet slowed and Shep stopped a little ways away, giving me a reassuring smile. Looking away from him and back up to the tall structure, I could feel my chest clench. Not only could I feel what was inside, but the Force whispered around it. My feet were moving me towards it without second notice, Shep taking the lead. The light was dim as we walked in, the corridors cramped but tall. The interior reflected the exteriors age and architecture, keeping similarities of the village as well as personal ones. I wondered how long it had been here.

   Along the left wall, a section was carved out all the way around, small items and antiques rested peacefully. Some looked to be worth just about nothing, but the aura they emitted made it feel so much more. "Why are you showing me this?" I asked suddenly. The gesture in itself was kind, but I didn't know what it had to do with me at all. "The Archium serves as a monument. Each and every item is a historical piece that is important to the many destroyed cultures at the Empire's hand," Shep spoke, stopping to look at a beaded string. Large wooden charms dispersed throughout the colored beads, some sort of silk tassels at each end. 

   His eyes softened a fraction, his lips tugging into a sad smile. I stepped up beside him, looking down at the object. Looking at it saddened me, even though I didn't not know of its origin. If I had to guess, he had been the one to place this item here, and looking at it caused a great deal of pain. There were hundreds of objects, just like this one, a small fraction of the lives the Empire had all but ruined in just a standard year's time. The way these objects were put here instead of held onto, had a bigger impact. Shep didn't elaborate on what he was looking at, so I moved past him, examining a few of the other items.

   A soft glint in the minimal light caught my eye, approaching until I reached it. A leather strand, at the end of it, a crystal. Not just any crystal— Kyber. It was inactive, and probably had been so for a long time. It's clear form was dull, and any life that breathed through it was gone. The edges from its natural cut were dull, the necklace it had been turned into looked well loved. I refrained from reaching out for it, ripping my gaze away from its dull beauty. Shep was waiting on me, his usual soft smile back in place. I followed him out, but I didn't forget about what I had seen. 

-

   The sun was at its highest, meaning the heat was at its most overwhelming. I had wandered the village three times, checked on Hunter and Wrecker, Tech and Omega were readying for today's flying lesson; I was anxious. No word from Echo on when he'd be getting in, if he was even coming today or not. I hoped Rex would be with him, I wanted to contribute to helping find Jax, even though Rex said he was doing all he could. If I hadn't had any motivation to work with Rex before, I had the perfect opportunity now. The Empire wouldn't take one of the only remaining people I considered family, regardless of if he had almost shot me at some point.

   There was a difference between being controlled and actively being aware about what orders you were carrying out. The inhibitor chip had worked for a small amount of time, just enough to kill off most of the Jedi. But the clones were smart, they were unlike battle droids and were given the ability to think for themselves. There were less and less of them serving the Empire everyday, and everyday more and more of them disappeared. There had always been disagreements about how the Jedi led the clones and gave them freedom of choice, but at this moment, it may have been my saving grace. 

   Jax wouldn't have spared me while I was actively choking out one of his squad mates if he didn't have a sense of mind. He wanted to come with me, he was so close. His eyes told me a million words that I never got to hear from him, his shoulders sagged visibly from the destruction he was forced to act on. Jax owed me nothing, he didn't have to surrender himself for the sake of my life, but he did. Unlike Crosshair who remained still as stone, his sharp gaze hidden beneath that stupid bucket. I had nearly half the mind to shoot him down, but I was short on time. 

   I made promises to myself plenty that if I were to see him again, I would've killed him personally. I found myself excusing my reasonings to not end his pathetic life and to spare him just one more time. He had been the one to tell Howzer he was going to kill me, and that it would be personal. What was his excuse? Did he want the glory of looking into my eyes as he did so? Or, was he as much of a coward as he led on? Whatever his reasoning was, he had the chance long ago. But so did I. I bashed myself internally for my thoughts tumbling so quickly, my gaze looking up to the sky just as the Marauder whizzed overhead.

   The attack shuttle maneuvered in advanced ways, erratic, but effective. She was getting better, Tech's tutelage proving to be in Omega's best interest. I turned my attention away from the sky, continuing my walk downhill towards the beach. The tide was low, meaning the water would be relatively calm for the time being. I wanted to take advantage of the peace while I had it. Sand kicked up at my feet with each step, its silkiness finding its way into my boots deepest crevasses. I didn't hate sand, it was just uncomfortable. I stopped just a little ways from the water, shutting my eyes and letting the soft sound of the waves lull my mind into an isolated state.

   I tuned out any other sounds that broke through the calm scenery, the faint thrum of the Force filling my senses. The feeling never changed, there was always this revolving sense of darkness rooted in the core of it all, its claws embedded deep. I had wondered for the longest time if it was the Sith that now ruled the galaxy, but with time, I realized it was me. I walked a fine line between light and darkness, just as my Master before me, except, I had no control. Fear is what kept me alive, not self preservation. Anger had motivated me to move forward, not hope. Pain is what started this rapid descent into this endless cycle of self loathing.

   The vultures overhead screamed out again, circling over me like prey. I opened my eyes, looking up to the sky, there were no vultures. I spun around as I heard them cry out again, my eyes catching nothing out of the ordinary. There were none, but I could hear them, swooping down and plucking something up from the ground. I pinched my eyes shut, forcing myself to pull in air. The vultures from my dreams were now taunting my reality, picking at me like I was a corpse. Their large wings beat down inside of my ears, their black beady eyes burned into my memory. I had never seen a vulture before, so what could they possibly mean to me?

   I fell to my knees in the sand, my fingers digging into the silk. The grains embedded themselves under my fingernails, and the vultures still pecked. I heaved, my eyes glaring down at where my hands were, clenching fist fulls of the sand until the grains made my hands burn. Then the vultures stopped, almost as if they'd had their fill and flew away. My shoulders immediately slumped, my grip on the grains subsiding but sticking to my now clammy hands. I was being tortured with dreams while fully lucid, and I had no understanding as to why. The Force was giving me a warning, that much was clear now. I wished the Force spoke in words.

   Another ship flew overhead, my eyes following it as it landed up top by the Archium. It was Rex's ship, but the chance of Rex being aboard it was slim. Echo was here with intel, and hopefully a lead on Jax's whereabouts. I forced myself to my feet, brushing the sand off my knees and swiping my hands together, beginning my trek back up to village level. By the time I reached the topside of Pabu, Omega and Tech had landed the Maruader and greeted Echo, Hunter and Wrecker just ahead of me. The pit in my gut told me Echo had no good news, at least, none for Jax. I forced my feet towards the now forming group, giving Echo a soft nod in greeting.

   Echo gave me a soft look, a silent confirmation that Jax hadn't been recovered. I hid my disappointment well, but I figured things would turn out this way. "You mentioned needing some assistance with data decryption?" Tech spoke, walking up from behind me. Echo nodded, pulling out a scomp stick, "This is what's left of the files I recovered from an Imperial shuttle. It was transporting clone prisoners, and we need to know where and why." From everything Rex had told us, it seemed the clones were losing rights and the place to fight in the Imperial army, not to be imprisoned. This set off alarms in my head, Jax had been arrested, could he have been on one of those transport ships?

   The group broke off, Echo remaining at my side while Tech went off ahead of him. He sighed, "We tried. We were able to recover three men, Howzer being one of them." My brows raised slightly, "The one from Ryloth?" He nodded in confirmation, "He was on Balmorra, then they were transferred without any word. We were lucky to intercept them in time." I let out a slow exhale through my nose, "And what kind of intel do you think you recovered?" He shook his head, "I'm not sure. They were wiping the data banks before we even got on board. I was lucky to even get that much of it." I nodded, looking away from him. My heart had sunk to the pit of my stomach, aching for any sort of answers.

   I wanted some semblance of relief that Jax was well, that he wasn't suffering like I thought he was. Echo placed a hand on my shoulder, "Contact Rex when you can. He worries, you know?" My gaze moved to him, my brows softening. I gave him a short nod, his hand dropping and form retreating back to the Marauder to meet Tech. I hadn't spoken to Rex in nearly a month, but he was busy trying to make a difference while I hid out on an island. Granted, he was the one to tell me to stay here, that it would be good for me. That turned out to be a lie since the nightmares started. I stood alone, once again wondering what my place was in this crumbling galaxy.

-

   Night fell, dinner was had and everyone once again dispersed, still waiting on Tech to be done with the data. I couldn't deny the itch that pricked at my skin from the anxiety it caused, impatient and wanting answers. Everyone wanted answers. I decided against comming Rex for the time being, despite Echo's request to. I couldn't find it in me to complain to someone who already had the weight of a rebellion on their shoulders. My problems seemed so insignificant, I could simply run away and never show my face, chuck my lightsaber off the highest cliff and never think about the Order again. That would make me more of a coward than I already was. 

   I lost count of how many times I had paced the shoreline, looking into the seemingly endless abyss of water. The sun had just disappeared below the horizon, cloaking the planet in darkness. The amount of sand in my boots irritated me, but my feet were just as restless as my soul. There was a ringing in my ears that had started an hour ago, but even that couldn't stop me from my insistent pacing. There were no vultures at least, just the sound of the waves crashing at high tide, and the unsteady rhythm of my heart. When my comm blinked, I snapped out of my stupor and took off towards the village. 

   I ran all the way up to the topside of Pabu, dodging the occasional civilian. The ringing in my ears had yet to cease, keeping me from fully focusing. My legs burned by the time I reached the Marauder, practically launching myself up the gangplank into the belly of the ship. Everyone was waiting inside when I arrived, stopping behind where Omega was seated. Tech cleared his throat, tapping at the dash which pulled up at diagram, "The Imperial transport Echo hijacked was assigned to the Advanced Science Division." Hunter shifted beside me, "Never heard of it."

   "That is because it is a clandestine operation. There are no records on its location or its purpose. All I could find was the chief scientist in charge. Dr. Royce Hemlock. An officer expelled from the Republic science corps due to his unauthorized and unorthodox experiments," Tech explained, pulling up a picture of him. I had never seen anything about him before, and if he worked in Coruscant, then he was under the Chancellor at the time. I frowned, "Why would they send clone prisoners to him?" Tech's features grew somber, "I do not know, but it gets worse." He grabbed his data pad, tapping at it, "Previous transfer records recovered from the ships logs list other clone prisoners detained by the Advanced Science Division."

   The room was eerily silent as Tech trailed off, his typing ceasing, "Crosshair.. is one of them." My head spun, my heart stilling in my chest. Crosshair.. betrayed the Empire? I found that hard to believe from his past behavior towards us. But with the way I saw him last, when Jax was arrested.. he didn't shoot, he didn't even try to keep me from escaping when he very well could've. I hadn't even told his brothers that I'd seen him because I thought it wasn't important at the time. It had only been a month, that meant he had done something in that time span to get on the Empire's bad side.

   "How sure are you about this?" Hunter questioned cautiously. Tech wasn't one of bouncing around the truth, "Very. After discovering his clone number on the transfer register, I checked our old comm channels and found a recent distress message sent from Crosshair's old code." "What did it say?" Omega spoke softly. "Plan eighty-eight. The Seeker. We are being targeted. I believe he is warning us," Tech spoke. My thoughts spiraled, the ringing in my ears sounding louder than before. It couldn't be a coincidence. The Force had been trying to warn me about something for weeks, all for me to shove it under and ignore it. The feeling grew unbearable by knowing this information.

  "It could be a trap, like he's set for us before," Hunter reasoned. The ship had become suffocating, my lungs screaming for me to find air. The air was too thick though, my head pounding. I palmed my forehead, Echo reaching out to stabilize me. I grunted, looked directly at Tech, "Is CC-1226 anywhere on that list?" I needed more, needed something to grasp onto. Tech gave Hunter a wary look, Echo trying to force me down into a seat. I shoved him off, stepping up to Tech, "Is he on that list?" Tech's hands gripped the data pad a little harder, looking back down at it, "Yes."

    The blood quit running through my body, every limb feeling ice cold. They had both been arrested, they had both been sent off to the same place. Crosshair was with Jax, so now I wouldn't take no for answer to go after him. Echo called out to me, but his voice and everyone else's were muffled. Tech had risen from his seat, examining my spaced out state, but my vision had all but blurred out. A whirring noise echoed in my ears, droning on and on, growing closer until it was in my head. The vultures were back, screaming at me as well amidst my silent torture. I shoved Tech back as he reached out to help Echo sit me down, pulling my arm away and storming off.

   I practically flung myself down the gangplank, my feet stumbling as my vision blurred again. My feet moved without orders, carrying me away from the shouting voices of my concerned friends. I needed to get away, I needed to be alone with my thoughts— force them to speak clearly to me. The Force dragged heavy on my limbs, tiny pinpricks spread thinly over my skin. The over stimulation I felt was unlike anything I’d ever felt before, my mind weighed heavy on only one fact. My feet had taken me all the way out of the village, the cliff I sat at every morning. My legs had all but given out at that point, my hands and knees buried within the soil.

   The Seeker. We were being targeted for a reason, was what I had done on Teloth the cause of this? It was the only lead I had, nothing else had any clarity. I had unintentionally involved myself in a revolution leading to Jax being captured and sent off to a scientist. My arms gave out, my cheek pressing into the dirt. I forced myself to roll over, my chest still heaving rapidly as I looked up at the starry skies. They were being hunted, I was being hunted. The vultures circled overhead, they had been this entire time.

   The air was cold and harsh, wind and ice biting at my cheeks as I shuffled through the dense snow. I couldn't tell how far I could see, the shroud of the storm shielding my visibility. My clothes were wet, cold and stuck to my skin, each one of my limbs numb and unfeeling. The snow buried me to my waist, making it feel like I was swimming instead of walking, every step heavier than the last. My eyelashes were crusted with ice from the tears the wind forced from me, burning my sensitive optics. I kept them closed as much as possible, utilizing the bare minimal to see. I whipped around, looking for a point of contact, shelter maybe. There was nothing.

   I couldn't tell how long I hiked for before I found the mountain edge, huddling myself down against the hard rock for shelter. It shielded the wind from one side, but the snow and ice still bit through my clothes. My hands had turned blue, welts surfacing over my fingertips. Frostbite. I would lose my limbs if I didn't get warm fast. I tucked them under my tunic, pressing them to the minimal heat the skin of my abdomen provided. The shock should've jolted me awake, but it didn't, I couldn't even feel what my hands were touching. I huddled in on myself, tucking my head between my knees to try and block out the raging wind.

  I couldn't stay awake, not even the strongest soldier could. The conditions were just too harsh. Why was I here again? Why send me? I had done nothing but my duty, I was a good Jedi. The wind seemed to crack down harder as if it could hear my thoughts. I would die here, it was unavoidable in the end. I always knew I would end up dead, how the Force would claim me into its welcoming embrace. Its whispers couldn't even be heard over the sharp whistling of the wind, not that I cared to hear it anyway. My chest felt like it was being stepped on, the cold air invading my lungs unabatedly. I looked up from my knees, squinting over the furious storm.

   Who was speaking inside my head?

   Who was Mayday? 

   Mayday.

Chapter Text

   I jolted upright, heaving down gulps of air. I was drenched in sweat, Tech hovering over me with some sort of band wrapped around my bicep. I was covered in soot, my last memory of the night sky before a vision caused me to black out. I was in the Marauder, situated on one of the bunks in the back of the ship. Tech hadn't ceased whatever he was doing to me, and it was doing nothing but further stressing me out. I pushed his hands away, tearing off the band that was clipped around my arm and tossing it down. "Please relax. I am still trying to take your vitals," Tech protested, but Hunter had heard the commotion and separated the two of us. 

   I swung my legs off the cot, but Hunter's hand gently pushed me down from trying to stand. "You passed out. Sit down, and take some deep breaths," He muttered. I blinked, my breaths slowing as I slowly came to. I relented nonetheless, placing my face in my hands. How long had I been asleep? I had run off and gone to the cliff to find some peace, but I wasn't sure how I ended up here. I lifted my face from my hands, "How'd you find me?" Hunter grunted, "You're not so sneaky. You frequent that spot often." He sat down beside me, the cot dipping in. I kept my gaze on the floor, unable to meet his concerned stare. I wasn't helping my case, I did look insane. 

   Perhaps I was insane, I was practically losing my mind over dreams and scrabbled messages. "What happened?" He questioned sternly. My brows furrowed, I didn't know how to answer him. How could I explain that my nightmares were in fact— not nightmares, but visions. How could I explain that for the past few weeks I had been experiencing these 'visions' clearly warning me about something, and that I had been ignoring them? There was no correct way because I had gone about it the wrong way. I shook my head, "I don't know." I did know, but knowing how to explain it was different when I didn't know the full meaning myself.

   "That's not a good enough answer. You've been weird since Teloth. What happened with Jax?" He asked. My gaze turned to him. Jax. I had nearly pushed the revelation from my mind. Jax was a prisoner to this Royce Hemlock, and with him, Crosshair. Maybe the warning was about Jax, or maybe it was what Crosshair had warned us about. Either way, Jax was in trouble, and I promised myself I'd get him out. I sighed raggedly, "I really don't want to get into this, Hunter. Just a weird Force thing again." I blamed the Force a lot, but technically I wasn't lying now. The Force was screwing with me more now that I had tipped into the dark side. 

   Hunter wasn't an idiot, and he certainly didn't like when I lied. Now wasn't the time to get into my sob story about my poor connection with the Force, we had bigger issues to deal with. "What did I miss?" I asked, straightening up. Hunter gave me a long look, debating on dropping the conversation. He shook his head, "Nothing. We went looking for you." He stood, my eyes following him. "Whatever is going on with you not only affects yourself, but the squad as well. Keep that in mind," He warned, walking out of the room. I stared at the doorway, my jaw clenching. He was right, I had become more of a liability than anything.

   My body ached, probably from my frantic attempts at running away to find peace before I succumbed to my vision. It felt like my fingers were still numb, my legs worn out from wading through the snow. It hadn't been real, yet I felt the physical effects of it all. I had never been to a snowy planet before aside from Hoth, but that wasn't Hoth. Whatever that vision entailed, it wasn't from anything I had ever experienced. Then there was the strange name, Mayday, one I had never heard. A cover name, I was sure, but the feeling the name gave me brought great sorrow and pain.

   I stood slowly, my legs wavering at first but steadying as I took slow steps. My brain felt spaced, but at least I wasn't hearing the vultures. I hesitated before walking out of the room, brushing the soot from my tunic. Tech was typing at the holo board in the belly of the ship, Hunter and Wrecker standing behind to watch. Omega crashed into me, her arms wrapping around my waist. My brows raised slightly, my hands gently resting over her shoulders to give her a light squeeze. She frowned up at me, "Tech says you weren't feeling well." It not only affects you, but the squad as well.

   I sighed through my nose, "I was just a little tired. Nothing to worry about." She was a smart kid, but even she knew that it wasn't simple exhaustion. She let go of me, giving me a nod in acknowledgment. I caught Hunters gaze, a knowing glint in his eyes that said 'I told you'. I didn't entertain it, I was already embarrassed of my poor mental strength already. "Echo and I have scoured through Imperial and Republic files, but intel about the Advanced Science Division is limited," Tech spoke. My hands clenched at my sides, his words a reminder that our time was numbered and we had people to find. 

   "Do we know where they're detaining Crosshair and the other clones?" Hunter asked. Tech shook his head, "Negative. Their base of operations is unknown." "What about this— Hemlock?" I asked, the name tasting bitter on my tongue. "There's even less on Doctor Hemlock. and I was very thorough. He is a ghost," Tech replied, leaning back from the screen. "Not quite," Echo called out, my gaze moving to him as he walked in from the cockpit. "According to a contact of mine, Hemlock's set to attend a high-level Imperial summit in two rotations," He explained, sitting down at the adjacent holo screen. "Where?" Hunter questioned.

   Echo typed at the console, pulling up at holo of a base, one above the clouds and heavily fortified. "Tarkin's compound on Eriadu. If we do a covert infiltration, we can plant a homing beacon on Hemlock's ship and track him to his base," Echo explained. My eyes narrowed at the screen, my lips twitching. Tarkin, one of the many men I disliked during my time as a General. He'd always been severe, and his rescue from the Citadel had squashed any chance of me respecting him. So many clones were lost to try and recover him and his team, and he paid no respects. His thirst for power was always evident, even more so now.

   "And to Crosshair and Jax," Omega added on. My eyes rounded slightly, my gaze flicking down to Omega's look of determination. "It's not that simple. We'd be at a tactical disadvantage, and I'm not sure it's worth the risk," Hunter objected. My shoulders tightened at his words, my nails digging into my palms. "I understand your hesitation. We have not always agreed with Crosshair, but he is still our brother. We do not leave our own behind," Tech reasoned. My gaze flicked back up to the holo, "Jax was my commander. I promised him I'd find him." "Definitely," Wrecker exclaimed. 

   Hunter sighed, "What about reinforcements?" Echo stood from his seat, turning to face us, "Well, Rex is on a separate mission, so it's just us. A small enough team to get in and out without alerting them. But— we'll need to move quickly." I looked to Hunter who was staring down at the ground, his brows pinched in thought. "Well, we better get started," He relented. I sighed through my nose, turning away from the screen and wading my way through the boys, heading for the exit. It was early morning, the sky still dark, but I felt like I had slept for years. I may not have been at my strongest, but I would certainly try for Jax.

   My feet carried me halfway down the village of Pabu, straight to my hut. I tore through my minimal belongings, scrounging up my blaster and holster, strapping it around my waist. I dusted my pants off the best I could, along with changing my tunic out for a long sleeve. My brain raced with fear, anger and frustration, my body anxious to get this done and over with. The Force didn't speak to me, oddly silent for the trap I was certainly walking myself into. This wasn't an easy mission, far from it. This was a chance, one based on hope and skill. I had the skill, I had been a child soldier, but this wasn't battle droids.

   I opened the box on my bedside table, grasping the dull hilt with quivering fingers. I hooked it into my belt, adjacent to the blaster on my right hip. It belonged in my left hand, since the right one went missing with Jax. Everything went missing with Jax, what little mental stability I had was vanquished from me. Jax was the closest thing I had left to me as a brother. He'd been loyal to me throughout the war, I owed it to him to return the favor. What pricked at my nerves was how quick the Batch was to forget what Crosshair had done, despite him being their brother. I understood, in a way, but his actions were hardly excusable. I blamed him for what happened to Jax, for standing there like a coward. 

   What could he have possibly done? He could've chosen the right side then, realized that what the Empire was doing was wrong. What had it took for him to betray the Empire if it wasn't the rebellion on Teloth? The countless civilians fighting back against autocracy, dying for a sunrise they'd never see. He didn't have to choose to fight back, he could've just chose to leave it all behind. Jax chose without second thought, and I wasn't even his family. Crosshair had a family, one who'd given him plenty of chances to come back. Every single time he chose false purpose over people who loved him. That was what I didn't understand.

   If I had the chance to run back into the Temple, to see every single face I had grown to accept as my family, I would've. There was no one left for me to fall into, to pick me up when everything seemed impossible. I had no family. My family died with the Republic.

-

   I took no more time in getting back to the Marauder, taking my bare essentials with me. We didn't know how long we'd be gone, if we were going straight to where Hemlock resided upon tracking him successfully. Omega was just loading up onto the ship as I approached, Phee turning to face me. She gave me a smile, "Ashla." I nodded my head to her, "Phee." I stopped just beside her, glancing at Tech who was typing away at his data pad. "Omega tells me it's a covert mission, but that thing tells me otherwise," She implied, looking down at my lightsaber. My brows furrowed, "It's just a precaution." She hummed, but her eyes squinted softly.

   She was who I had least expected to be trust worthy, but over time, I realized she was simply unbothered by what I was. "Whatever it is you're looking for, I hope you find it," She murmured. I nodded, "Me too." I adjusted the strap of my bag, stepping away from her and continuing my way to the Marauder. Tech didn't even glance up at me, but I cleared my throat to catch his attention. His head lifted marginally, giving me a look. I nudged my head in Phee's direction, my brows raising slightly. I didn't give him time to protest, stepping up the gangplank into the ship. I wasn't allergic to subtleties unlike Tech, Phee threw hints at him that went completely over his head.

   Anyone with eyes could see it, and his attraction towards her was obvious to my senses. The strap to my bag slid off my shoulder, into my hand and safely on the floor. I walked up to the cockpit, sliding into one of the seats. Tech came in pretty much after me, and I had to swallow the eye roll. The ship groaned as Tech primed the engines, taking us up off the ground, away from the safety Pabu gave us. It would be some time before we got to where we were going, nearly two full rotations. That was a long time for my thoughts to go astray. Sleep would normally not be an option, but I found myself curious as to if I would receive any sort of warning. 

   Tech would be the one to ask such things, even if he wasn't familiar with the Force, maybe he could've correlated what my visions meant. I had been keeping a lot of valuable information to myself, things I should've shared with the squad upon me getting back from Teloth. The most important: Crosshair. I had been the last one in the squad to see him, even if it wasn't an interaction. How I had nearly blew him to pieces based on my rage, based on how much I despised the clone. That was mercy, nothing else. The only reason I was able to go after Jax was because Crosshair was involved. I used that to my advantage. While it wasn't very ethical, it was working in my favor. 

   I did nothing the entire time we flew through hyperspace. I picked around the parts crate, cleaned my blaster three times, tried and failed at getting some sleep; it was terribly agonizing. At least on a Venator I could confine myself to closed quarters, blocking out the insistent chatter of duty. One full year since the Empire took over, and yet it felt like it had been years. The constant running, fearing for the safety of those around me, begging for some sort of miracle that it was all just one horrific dream. I woke up and realized it was in fact reality, and I had been lying to myself. 

   Tech had told me long ago what it was, why I struggled with letting go and moving on. The guilt of being a survivor. I was sensitive to things others were not, which made me more vulnerable in certain circumstances. While I had no suicidal tendencies, I had never truly feared dying. I had felt what death was on the day of the purge, countless screams wracking my mind for days on end. I knew it wasn't painless for them, it was filled with betrayal and loss of hope. Our own army turned against us, and at that moment I hated the clones. Knowing what I do now, I realized they lost just as badly as the Jedi did.

   "We're coming up on Eriadu," Tech called out. My eyes opened, looking on Omega as she also opened her eyes before me. I had been meditating with her, she enjoyed it, even if I didn't. She was interested in my training, innocent in itself, I would teach her as much as she wanted to know. She smiled at me, standing to her feet and walking towards the cockpit. I forced a short exhale through my nose, standing to my feet and following after her. "I have identified a suitable location to land outside their sensor range," Tech spoke. I sat down in the seat next to Wrecker, crossing my legs and folding my arms over my chest.

   "How are we bypassing those cruisers?" Hunter asked, looking over at the console displaying close craft. Echo turned in his seat, "Using a clearance code Rex and I acquired from one of our contacts." Wrecker grinned, sitting forward, "Good to have you back, Echo. Just like old times." My brows softened slightly, my gaze shifting to the floor. Nothing was the same, not without Echo around. I had my chance to stick around Rex and help, I knew I wasn't cut out for fighting anymore. I wanted peace just as much as the next person, but that didn't mean I wanted to put myself on the frontlines again.

   I was done playing General, I lived through three and a half years of war, I wasn't going to involve myself in another. The ship dropped out of hyperspace, idling slowly towards the cruisers hovering above Eriadu. Wrecker got up to man the tail gun, just in case things did happen to go south. "Transmitting clearance codes," Echo called out. I sat forward in my seat, uncrossing my legs. My knee bobbed up and down, my fingers wringing together. "I hope this works," I muttered. My gaze was hard on the cruiser as we passed under it, the comm channel fuzzing up. "Vessel one-one-four-three, you are clear for approach," The technician called out. 

   Tech wasted no time in diving the ship downwards towards the planet, taking us through the cloudy atmosphere. The mountains reached high above the clouds, the ship just nearly breaching over the sea of white. We came to a quick halt on the side of a mountain, the ship slowly settling down until the landing gear groaned against the surface. The boys were up and moving out of the cockpit, Omega following after. I stood slowly, my head rushing with nausea. I shook it off, quickly following after the squad. The group was moving along the mountainside, and I had to jog to catch up to them. 

   Looking over the edge, I saw near nothing through the thick clouds that blanketed the distant ground. What I did know was that it was a long way down, and I had better stay far from the edge. We moved into the forest away from the edge of the cliff, my hands twitching at my sides. "What kind of approach are we making? A side-wind breach?" Omega whispered. Tech glanced back at her, "It worked on Raxus." "It won't work here. The Empire's protocols have changed since then," Echo spoke. Wrecker stopped in front of me, causing me to nearly run into him. He laughed, "Thanks to us." I frowned, "No tanks or explosions, Wrecker." He groaned as I walked past him, muttering a 'fine'.

   We continued through the forest until it broke through to another cliffside, the beacon coming into view. I crouched down beside a tree, my ears catching the tail car before my eyes did as it whizzed past overhead. Tarkin's compound was visible at the end of the rails, Echo's annoyance prominent, "It's heavily fortified. But there's a weak point in the rail line we can exploit." He turned to us, "We'll sneak past the sensor and hitch a ride under one of the cars." My lips pulled into a flat line, "You want us to hang over that?" Echo shrugged, "It's the only way to access the compound unnoticed." Of course it was, and Wrecker here had an issue with gravity.

   "Tech, disable the sensor," Hunter ordered. Tech shook his head, "That would trigger an alert. I can temporarily disrupt the feed, but I estimate only thirty seconds for us to clear the zone before it reactivates. We must be precise." I sighed, looking back at Wrecker who tossed his hands up, "What? I can handle it!" I shook my head, looking down at my hands. Hunter and Tech began timing the sensor, Echo giving me a soft nudge. I looked up to him, my brows furrowing. He gave me a firm nod, flicking his head to Tech as he took off towards the beacon. I understood his silent request, keeping my hands ready in case he didn't make it across. 

   The line shot out from his gun, swinging him around the side and up to the beacon, his foot just shy of the ray as it passed by. I stood fully, stepping away from the group to look out. In the distance I could feel the deep rumble of another rail car approaching. I tapped open the comm channel on my left forearm, "Another car is approaching. We need to move." "Not— yet," Tech dragged out. I looked back at the group, then back to the rail car. Turning on my heel, I got into position behind the group, waiting for the signal. I pulled the wire attachment for my blaster off my belt, unholstering my blaster and cranking the attachment into place. 

   "Move, now!" Tech called out. I took off after the squad, each of them getting a stick onto the rail car with their wires. I shot mine at the end, jumping and letting the wire reel me in. My gut twisted with nausea as I flew over the endless abyss beneath me, but my feet soon planted to the side of the rail car along with the rest of the squad. I gripped onto one of the slats with my other hand, keeping my head tucked in to avoid the wind sheer. Wrecker groaned from beside me, my gaze barely lifting to take in his stiff stature. I sighed, leaning my forehead into the dura steel. I had jumped from transport ships during the war, yet this felt much more unsettling.

   The car trembled as we grew closer to the lines end, each of the boys unhooking and jumping off onto the bridge below. I unhooked mine, letting gravity pull me down until my feet planted against the bridge, launching me into a run after the squad. They sent two troopers over the edge in the time it took me to reach them, my hands working to reset my blaster. I hooked the attachment back into my belt, following the squad into the compound. I shut the door behind me, wrapping both hands around my blaster as I ran down the corridor, my eyes sweeping the entire area. In and out. It was simple. Get in, get out. My hands gripped tighter.

   Tech led us down a multitude of corridors until we reached the hangar bay, filing behind a stack of crates. I crouched low beside Echo, peering out into the open space. "How do we know which ship is Hemlock's?" Omega whispered. I looked back, the large window peering down into the hangar bay would be our target. I nudged Echo, "The hangar manifest would be up there." Hunter looked back, "Tech, Echo, with me. You three plant the homing beacon." The three men got up and snuck off back into the corridor we'd come from, leaving Wrecker, Omega and I to plot a way to the targeted ship.

   I moved up towards Wrecker, my eyes locking on each of the troopers that passed in between the transports. I nudged Wrecker, flicking my head in the other direction. Omega followed after us as we rounded the crates, climbing up until we had a better vantage point. I peered over the ledge, Wrecker and Omega coming up on either side of me. "Found it," Tech's voice broke out over the comm, "Hemlock's shuttle is at docking lane four."  "Copy," I replied, tapping off my comm. I took the binoculars Wrecker offered me, pulling them up to my eyes. The deck was swarming with troopers, and I knew Wrecker and I wouldn't be able to get through undetected.

   The Force was an option, but if I lost focus, it would be a dead give away, and even more trouble for us. I pulled them down, "There isn't enough cover for Wrecker and I." I looked to Omega, "Can you handle it?" Omega gave me a firm nod, "Not a problem." Wrecker passed over the homing beacon into Omega's waiting hands, taking off without another word. I watched her cautiously descend the crates, run around and find cover behind the ones below us. Wrecker jumped down, staying on level ground while I kept high ground. My hands gripped my blaster harder each time she inched forward.

   Soon she disappeared from my sight, diving around the corner of Hemlock's ship. It was few moments before her voice broke through the comm, "Beacon is secured." "Wait. There's more heading your way," Wrecker warned immediately. My eyes tracked a group of four rounding the transport currently hiding Omega, passing in front of the ship. I saw her small frame bolt out from behind the group, across the hangar and between some crate stacks. "I'm pinned down," She muttered, worry laced in her voice. My eyes narrowed, but Echo's voice broke out over the channel, "Stay put. I'll divert them." 

   The crane just to the right of me whirred to life, swinging around until came level with a fighter. It magnetized, lifting the fighter up off the ground and into a stack of crates rapidly. With the alarms blaring and the troopers attention now diverted to the issue, I slid down from my position and towards Omega. As I reached her, a mouse droid wheeled around the corner of the crate, ready to alert, but my hand shot out, crushing it quickly with the use of the Force. Wrecker came up behind us, giving us the clear to make a run for it. I grabbed hold of Omega's hand, tugging her with me after Wrecker amidst the chaos. As we ran through the threshold to the corridor, Hunters voice came through the comm, "We're compromised. Get to the rail line."

   I let go of Omega, letting her merge in front of me in the middle of Wrecker and I, both of my hands gripping my blaster. Alarms blared overhead, now alerting to a security breach that I wasn't sure if we triggered or not. Echo joined us from another corridor, changing our course and leading us in the quickest direction of the rail line. I heard troopers come in from our rear, pointing my blaster at a control panel as we passed through another threshold. I shot it, the door sliding shut behind us. We were running out of ground, Hunter and Tech were no where to be seen. I could only hope the beacon would work.

   As we peeled around another corner, Wrecker was quick to shoot down two troopers blocking the way. Tech and Hunter were at the end of the corridor, the door behind them opening to flood in more troops. They all returned fire, quickly allowing Tech and Hunter to regroup with us to fall back. I fired back, slowly moving back as each of the men cleared from the fire. I holstered my blaster, shoving both hands out to push the troops back with the Force, knocking them down to give us spare time. Hunter tugged at my arm, the two of us following after the rest of the group in a sprint.

   We came to a stop near the end of the corridor, each of us descending the ladder downward into the rail car port below. The troopers I had momentarily stunned were back up, now firing at us. Wrecker tossed out a shockwave, disabling them from shooting at us further. I grabbed hold of the sides of the rungs, sliding down the latter. My feet hit the ground below, rushing after Omega and Echo as the rest of the group came in from behind me. Tech and Echo were quick to override the rail car, my hand reaching for my lightsaber as troopers started coming down from the ladder ahead. The yellow beam ignited, whizzing around to return their fire.

   The rail car whirred, trembling as it slowly began to take off. I continued to deflect fire from the other end of the car, Wrecker backing me up with heavy fire in return. I spun the blade, knocking back another blaster bolt into a trooper, sweat beginning to prick at my hairline. Distant explosions rang out causing the hair on my arms to prick straight up. "We're loosing power!" Echo called out. I glanced back momentarily, deactivating my blade while Hunter and Wrecker finished off the rest of the troopers. The car screeched to a slow halt, the gentle whir of the mechanics dying out, leaving us in complete silence. I walked over to the grated front window, another cart on the opposite rail completely stopped as well. 

   We were hanging over the abyss. My brows furrowed, turning to face the group. Wrecker was starting on opening the door, the loud scraping noise bleeding my ears open. I hooked my lightsaber onto my belt, walking over to the now open car. Below us was an endless fall, the clouds passing by at least two hundred feet beneath us. "This is not ideal," Tech stated. Wrecker grunted, "At least we're not hangin' under the car." I sighed, "This isn't any better." Blaster fire broke out, hitting the side of our car causing us to fall back from the opening. Wrecker and Hunter began immediate return fire, Tech and Echo moving back to sort out the power deficiency.

   "The explosions must've knocked out the power to the rail line," Echo growled. Tech moved past me, "I can reboot the system, but I will need to plug directly into one of the terminals on the track." Hunter stepped back from the door, "You three, give us cover." He then looked to Tech and I, "You two, up top with me." I followed after Hunter and Tech, ascending the ladder up to the next level of the car. I pulled my blaster, covering Hunter as he gave Tech a boost up to the top of the car through the minimal opening. I returned fire above as Hunter pushed the door the rest of the way open, my shots smacking against the side of the car across the way.

   I ducked out of the way of another shot, my blood pumping in my ears from the rush of adrenaline it supplied me with. I pressed my back into the doorway, peering out and firing a string of rounds, one hitting its mark. There was so much going on, Tech on the unstable line, a child fighting below. We were stuck over the abyss with no way of knowing if we would actually make it off. My hands shook around the blaster, sweat peeling down my forehead. Who could've been here at the same time as us but with complete different intentions? Everything hit me at once. The explosions had most certainly ruined our plan of tracking Hemlock, meaning we were now paying for someone else's carelessness. 

   Any chance of finding where Jax was being held was lost. I fired my blaster once more. None of the risk had paid off, we were set up for failure from the start. My spine tingled, my gaze shifting to the left of the car across the way. "Three ships inbound," Hunter called out. The faint whine of ion engines rippled in my chest, my assault stalling. Hunter and I looked to each other. He pressed his fingers to his comm, "Tech! We need power!" I peered out of the car, pointing my blaster up at the now visible fighters, shooting at them. The fighters screamed past our car, laying down heavy fire on the line above. I held onto the opening, stabilizing myself as the car rumbled from the attack.

   "Echo, now!" Tech's voice called out. The gentle whirring of the car started up again, the lights flickering on. The scream of the fighters had disappeared into the clouds but was quickly winding back. Hunter peered out, firing at them as they grew closer, "Get down there!" I let out a quivering breath, running towards the ladder and sliding down. An explosion rang out, the car shaking. I only heard one fighter fly past, but it landed every shot it needed to. The car shook again, this time falling slightly as the second car beside us tipped down. I held onto the rungs, my skin vibrating with a fear I had never felt before. Wrecker stepped slowly past me, "Come on, Tech! Hurry!"

   My head whipped in his direction, "He's not on?" I let go of the ladder, moving up beside Wrecker. "I'm— trying!" Tech grunted out. The blaster fire from the other car started up again, hitting our car. It shook once more, the car dropping down again. I grabbed the wall to stabilize myself, my knuckles turning white. "Tech!" Omega cried out. My ears rang, the blaster fire muffling. My eyes pinched shut, my breaths echoing in my ears. We were falling. Tech wasn't on board. Hunter was shouting, Omega's feelings were mushing up my focus. The car dropped again, Wrecker's approach on Tech halting.

   "Don't! Any shift in weight could send both of these cars over," Tech's voice broke through. My spine tingled with anticipation again, the distant scream of fighters closing in splitting through my mind. I looked back to Wrecker, my grip on the wall relenting as I slowly stepped up next to him. I raised my hands, "Hold it, Wrecker." He grunted, his arms straining against the weight of the car. My fingers curled, the Force limping through my connection, grasping the car with all its might. The car groaned, shifting slightly as the weight was being relieved. Not enough. "You must sever the connection hinge. Now!" Tech demanded. 

   "Not until you're up here!" Wrecker growled. My brows furrowed, my feet sliding against the ground as the weight pulled me with it. My fingers curled inwards harder, the car shifting again. My arms burned, the ache behind my eyes pulsating with each of my attempts to pull the car up further. My teeth clenched, a strained growl erupting from my chest as the car fell again. My feet slid once more, Wreckers hands lifting from the car and grabbing hold of me. The weight bore down further, my ears ringing with the warning that I was not strong enough. If I moved Tech, the car would fall. If I let go of the car, we all fell. It didn't matter, I was delaying the inevitable.

   "There is no time. Plan ninety-nine," Tech spoke dejectedly. The car took another hit from the fighters flying past outside, my grip on the car struggling. A strangled cry came from my chest, my entire body burning with complete exhaustion of my skills. "Don't you do it, Tech!" Wrecker strained out, his arms tightening around me. In any scenario, I would've been able to do this. Before I had let my skills die out, let fear and anger consume my being. Not even pain would allow me to muster up further strength to pull him on board. My feet slid again, the car shifting once more. A single blaster shot rang out, whizzing over my head and into the top of the car. 

   My stomach churned, and then the full weight of the car was baring down on me. It felt as if my shoulders ripped from their sockets, my elbows disjointed and my fingers had been pulled from my palms. I couldn't even scream, my arms going completely numb as I fell back into Wrecker, the car falling from my grip. Our car shifted upwards, whirring loudly over Wrecker's screams. Wrecker had completely fallen to the floor, my body limp as it fell into his. My eyes were stuck on the now open end, the missing car that Tech was hanging from. My jaw trembled, the air completely sapped from my lungs at the heart wrenching sight. 

   "Go back! Go back!" Omega sobbed. Wreckers firm hands wrapped around my arms, pulling me up to my feet. I couldn't stand, from the shock or pain, or both mixed together. The car screamed, speeding up. "We're going too fast!" Hunter yelled. Wrecker shook me, trying to snap me from my daze. Hunter was quick to appear before me, but his words mushed together in my ears. My ears bled with the overwhelming sounds of real and not real, the Force pressing down hard on my consciousness. If I let it force me under, I would damn them to crashing this car. But if I could not save Tech, how could I save them? My chest clenched as we neared the end. Hunter grabbed Omega and Wrecker pushed me down, the car blasting through the dock.

   My ears rang, my body completely numb. I could feel the grains of soil and rocks embedded in my cheek, my eyes sealed shut by soot. There was nothing, nothing in my mind, nothing around me; everything was complete silence. My lungs did not fill with air, and my blood was cold. I was in shock, something I had never felt this deeply before. The Force was not there, it had been gone since the car crashed, giving me the silence I so desperately needed. The liquid that wet the back of my head was not rain, but it tingled my skin as it dripped down the back of my head. It grounded me, reminded me that I was still alive and breathing even if it didn't feel that way.

   I feared that my limbs were broken, that every bone in my legs was shattered from the impact. My toes faintly twitching within my boots told me otherwise. My fingernails were just barely breaching the surface of the dirt, the cool sensation of the untouched grim giving me ease. I hoped after everything I had done, this was my death. I hoped that I was finally being dealt my fate by shaming the Order the way I had. I was no Jedi, and I wasn't some sort of God. I was hardly a being of peace when I had fought a useless war, killed countless people for my own selfish gains. I was a coward for wanting to be dead.

   But my torture wasn't death, it was the overwhelming slice of pain that tore over my body. Now, everything ached. Every limb burned with the agony of failure. My shoulders were certainly strained from my attempt on holding the car up, and the amount of cuts and bruises that I felt surfacing would not be easy to mend. Shouting bled through the ringing in my ears, but my body still wouldn't move. I hoped they couldn't find me so that I didn't have to face their disappointment. I let go of Tech. Tech was dead, nobody could survive a fall that high.

   I heard my name, a desperate cry to find where I was. Don't find me. My arms pressed into the ground, a whine of pain grinding through my teeth. The ground vibrated with footsteps, each one growing closer to me. Then my arms were grabbed, eliciting another cry from my chest. Leave me. I was scooped up, each of my breaths wheezing to try and force down the air. My mind was fuzzy, a warning that I would soon loose consciousness again. I simply begged that the Force would keep the visions at bay.

   My heart couldn't take another unstoppable warning.

-

   My eyes peeled open, grime pricking at the corners in my tear line. The fluorescent lights of the Marauder bore down at me, making my already pounding head scream for darkness. My bones felt like they were shifting beneath my skin, every stretch of my tendons igniting fresh fire to the ashes. I pressed my lips together hard, my chest rumbling with a sound of pain I wouldn't let slip free. My noise was enough to gain the attention of Echo, who came rushing to my side at my movements. His dulled eyes flicked over me with worry, his hands gingerly pressing down on my shoulders to stop me from getting up. "Don't move. I don't know if anything is broken," He spoke softly.

   Nothing was broken, just my will to look him in the eyes without seeing Tech's. He shook his head, letting it hang between his shoulders. He was hurting, his lack of words burned a hole in my chest. Tech was gone. Dead. I let the car slip from my grasp. He fell. My chest twitched, a whistle blowing through my nose as I held back a desperate sob. My eyes crinkled, tears pulling from the corners of my eyes down my dirt stricken face. Echo looked back up, his hand gently clasping mine. He was a soldier, he wouldn't cry, but his soul did. His hand gently squeezed mine in reassurance. "Rex is coming," He whispered.

   I wanted nothing more than to have Rex engulf me in his care, to break down in his arms from what the past month had done to me. I never should have left his side, I should have done more to stay. I should have known the Empire was too much to take on, dissuaded the squad from taking such a risky mission. I had let my desperation to find Jax cloud my judgment, sealing my fate before it could've even happened. My body didn't hurt nearly as much as my heart did, crying out for each of the squad members. Omega, just a child, watched her brother plummet to his death. I couldn't even turn around and save them from the pain of the crash.

   I couldn't be forced to stay down, I needed to get off this ship, away from anything that reminded me of my failure. My arms protested, not nearly as much as Echo, but I sat up. I'd known Echo a long time, before he'd become a member of Clone Force ninety-nine. His eyes had never held so much and nothing at all. He understood what I needed, helped me to my feet because I was getting up regardless. He let me walk away without verbalizing where I was going. I didn't know, I just let my feet limp me down the gangplank and into the docking station of Ord Mantel. I stumbled through the yard, avoiding the gazes of the yard workers on my way to the exit.

   My knees nearly gave out as I breached out into the street, my lungs burning like I had run miles. I was in worse shape than I realized, hardly walking and more like tripping. I refused to confront the rest of the squad, I couldn't even stomach the thought of it. Rex was coming, and then, I would leave, never show my face again. I wasn't even sure I could stomach looking at Rex, not after all I had done on Teloth. What happened there made me more weak than I already was, leading me to fall short on Eriadu. Why couldn't I just move on, move past everything like everyone else seemed to have? Accept that the Empire was the leading force, forget the Republic. Forget the Jedi.

   It wasn't like pleading the Gods would bring it back, rewind time to before the war had started. How had we been so blind? Everything that's happened was because of the Jedi. I wished the order had taken me out when it was implemented, that way, I wouldn't have to relive countless memories of failure. Who was I? A General? Hardly. A savior? Never. I was nothing but a burden, one that could not even look her own friend in the eyes after his brother died. I hadn't even felt him hit the ground before we crashed, and I'm glad I didn't. But that only poured salt into the wound more. He fell for a long time. Alone.

   I couldn't even find it in me to hate the clone we were meant to save. No matter what he'd done, that was his brother, one that died before he got to see him again. He wasn't even aware Tech died trying to find him. He wasn't even aware of the love that radiated so vividly from his brothers. No, I did hate him. I hated him for choosing the Empire to begin with, because if it were just Jax in there, I would've gone alone.  My actions had consequences, ones that seemed minuet, until now. If I had ignored Rex's request to leave with him off the planet of Lynniam, everything could've been so much different. 

   I nearly tumbled into an alleyway, pressing my back up against the wall for support. Another consequence; walking when I clearly was unable to. I didn't even have my comm, or my weapons. I was asking for someone to mug me. I didn't think I could've found it in myself to care, I was already battered enough. My stomach tumbled with nausea, probably from the lack of food in my stomach. My spine tingled, a feeling I nearly shoved down, but it grew with fervor. It overtook my entire spine, crawling up into the base of my skull. I shook my head, pressing my hand to my forehead. Not another vision, I hoped. Something in my chest rumbled, paired with a sharp tug on my consciousness.

   My hand dropped, my chest deflating. "No," I whispered. I used the wall to limp back out into the street, my gaze moving up to the sky. A Venator hovered above, the lower hangar bay door open. The Empire was here, and they'd gotten on planet without me sensing it. I was too distracted, the pain was blocking all my senses. I had to warn the squad, if, they didn't already know. I pushed off the wall, stumbling into the middle of the street where I started pulling myself along. Every step made my knees ache, but my mind wasn't there. The squad would suffer if the Empire got a hold of them. They'd be tortured, just like Jax, experiments for unkind hands.

   My chest pinched, my feet stalling in place. Blasters armed around me, coming out from corners, ready to fire if I dared to move. My jaw clenched, fingers coiling inward. A familiar pang of rage returned, coating my plausible senses. "I wouldn't.. if I were you," A cold, low toned voice called out. My back stiffened, my head turning to look for the face the voice came from. A tall man, dark brown hair and cold eyes stood between two armed troopers, hands neatly folded behind his back. A slow breath slid from my nose. I knew who that was, I saw him on the holo Tech showed us. My feet shifted, and the blasters pointed at me adjusted.

   The smile on his lips wasn't a genuine one, it was one of sedition, cruelty and injustice. I looked around at the troopers who surrounded me, trying to calculate some sort of escape from here. I had no weapons, they'd been unfortunately removed when I was recovering. Then he said my full name, causing my heart to jump, my gaze snapping back to him. "I've heard so much about you," He spoke again, his chin tilting downward, "There were rumors that you were dead." I scoffed, "Do I look dead?" He hummed, "Nearly." My eyes narrowed, my shoulders remaining sideways from him. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that I was injured, I couldn't fight back, and if I did, it would be a short one. 

   Negotiation was never my strong suit, but words would be the only thing I could fight with. His hands moved forward, his right hand cupping his gloved left one, "What are you fighting for?" My lips curled, "That's a stupid question." He let out a sound, almost akin to a laugh, "One I'd like the answer to." My lips twitched, my gaze briefly falling to his hands before reconnecting with his eyes. I wasn't fighting, I was surviving— and just barely. I couldn't even answer it properly because it wasn't a stupid question. I just didn't have an answer. "What do you want?" I growled, dodging his question. He hummed, his vile smile falling into a pressed line.

   "I have a proposition— of sorts," He spoke. I rolled my eyes, looking away from him, "I'm not making any deals with you." "That's where you're wrong," He cut off, his voice a low growl. "If you care about your clone friend, Jax, you'll do what's right," He hissed. My gaze turned back to him, glowering at the mention of Jax's name, but his movement cut off my words. He turned to the trooper on his left, accepting a familiar dull grey hilt. His fingers wrapped around it, taunting me with its presence. My eyes rounded slightly, the tension in my shoulders snapping. He wasn't bluffing. He knew I had been on Teloth, my lost lightsaber in his hand was proof enough.

   My gaze was locked on that object, staring at it like it would end my life in turn. He passed the hilt between each of his hands, my eyes following each of his tantalizingly long movements. He hummed, "He is alive, but only if you comply." My breaths were short, every nerve in my body tingling with the urge to fight my way out of this. But Jax was involved, and Hemlock knew he meant something to me. He stepped forward, "Come willingly, and I will let him go." It was a terrible dilemma, one with consequences no matter what choice I made. "How can I trust you'll stay good to your word?" I murmured.

   His eyes squinted, "I'm willing to sacrifice a single clone for what you can give me." I wasn't sure what I could give him, but I didn't like his implication. My lashes twitched, my gaze falling to his feet. I could take my lightsaber from him, cut down him and his men and take his ship, gaining the location to his secret base. I wouldn't make it that far, not even past pulling my weapon to me. I was outnumbered. I turned my head from him, letting it hang between my shoulders. I had the opportunity to ask for whatever I wanted, in turn for my surrender. My jaw clenched at my thoughts, "Crosshair, too." He clicked his tongue, "It's one or the other."

   Gauging on how much power I held over the situation, I had a minimal amount. The squad deserved their brother back after loosing so much to find him, but my goal was never to free Crosshair. I was selfish, and I hated myself for it. I sucked in a slow breath through my nose, "Release Jax.. and I will come with you." His lips pulled into a sinister smile as I looked back to him, "Wise choice, Miss Solis." My spine tingled, but before I could turn my attention to where it tugged me to, I felt a sharp prick in my neck. My hand slapped over the spot, plucking a small needle from the site.

   Then my body grew numb, my feet stumbling to keep balance. The pin fell from my fingers, my knees crushing into the dirt. I grunted, trying to fight off whatever sedative they'd shot me with, but my body fell flat to the ground. "It's just a precaution. I hope you can understand," Hemlock's voice wavered through the haze coating over my ears. I heaved softly, but my body refused to budge against the strain of the sedative. I swore I heard blaster fire, but my body was lifted and carried away, my vision blacking out.

Chapter Text

   -21 BBY-

   Location: Coruscant.

    "But, Master—" "No. I have heard enough," Master Windu cut me off, stopping in front of me. My arrogance had gotten in the way for the last time, all because I wanted to prove myself better than some unruly clone. I was better than this, and defying direct orders had only made matters worse for myself. I was under suspension, no further missions and I would remain on Coruscant until further notice. It had been Master Windu to suggest a punishment to this extreme. It seemed only fitting, he was embarrassed of my actions. What had gotten into me? I had never been this disorderly as a padawan.

   His robes billowed behind him as he sharply turned away, his footsteps echoing in the long corridor of the Temple. I didn't dare try to sway him from his decision, once his mind was made, the matter was finished. I didn't feel angry, no, I felt stupid, embarrassed of actions. Part of me tried to justify my actions on the matter, that I had been being held back, but that wasn't an excuse. Directing my troops from a cruiser was vastly different than being on the ground. That wasn't the full truth, not even close in full. I wanted to prove myself to be the General I was respected as, one that dealt with matters personally instead of 'passing them off'.

   It was ridiculous, truly. I acted out on pure impulse, threw away my entire plan, and nearly got myself killed. The liberation of Neimo was a campaign that lasted over three weeks, one the 501st had begun. It was short notice for the 287th to be called out, but I had been asked for personally per Anakin's request. It was the first time in four months that I stepped on world for a mission, granted, I was to stay in the Advanced Communications Center, which I obviously hadn't done. I was on planet for two weeks, and in that time, I saw first hand just how destructive the war was becoming.

   The 287th and 501st suffered heavy losses, no rest was possible for days on end. It was constant— move, mark, fight, scrounge up resources, again. It was painful, not only for the men, but the civilians on Neimo, too. I hadn't been very preserving of my life after my first casualty report came through. It was the largest I had seen for the 287th, one that had shook my ever stable commander to the core. Jax had lost something that day, pride, confidence, or courage.. he was a changed man. I decided to move against orders when Clone Force ninety-nine was called in.

   It had taken one too many sharp quips from the marksman before I snapped. I was comm silent for days to the Council, fighting with my men instead of watching from the distance. For the first time since they were assigned to me, it seemed they actually hated what they were made for. I couldn't blame them, their brothers were constantly being slaughtered for the glory of the Republic. It didn't matter that they were clones bred for one purpose, they were still men who bled the same color as I did. At that point, Crosshair was right. I sat by and idly watched instead of being involved.

   I was tired of being forced to stay put, to watch above from the safety of my cruiser, to stand by and act like a political figure when I wasn't trained for such. I was a Jedi pretender, one who was trained by one of the best and hid those skills away selfishly. I didn't hide away on purpose, I felt that I was doing my duty; one the Council had forced on me. I wasn't a General if I couldn't lead my men into a fight that seemed impossible, I was seen as a coward. Neimo had forced me to see the reality that was being hidden for me, and to that, I was glad I disobeyed orders no matter how embarrassed I felt.

   One good thing came of the situation, the 287th was on Coruscant for the next week to recoup their losses. That meant the men had time to rest after the two weeks we spent constantly afoot. I planned on visiting the barracks, just to check in on Jax, see if he needed a kind word. His distress was loud, even if he didn't physically show it, he was hurting. Losing men never got any easier, in fact, it only got harder. It seemed almost pointless to fight a war that—apparently, no one was winning. Jax was a quiet man at heart, one who didn't vocalize his feelings regardless of me giving him the freedom to. He needed to grieve, and I'd give him the space to do so.

   I hadn't been on Coruscant in six months, which hadn't bothered me until I got back. I hadn't walked the corridors of the Temple, seen younglings in active training, or been to the Great Tree. How could anyone miss metal and rock, stone and void. Coruscant was beautiful in its own nature, but it wasn't natural. Regardless, I found beauty in its entirety, it was my home. The corridors whispered with Jedi of the past, the Force ever so profound in its foundation. It didn't feel like the galaxy was at war when I was home. I belonged here, we all did, but everything had changed so quickly.

   I left the spot I was stood frozen in, off to my quarters I hadn't seen in months. It was in the same condition as when I left: plain and unexacting. There was nothing vivid to the eye, nothing spectacular or grandiose. Just my bed and robe rack. I tore off the singed robes that clung to my tired body, tossing them into a distant corner of my room and walked into my refresher. I sat in the water for what felt like hours. It was the first shower I had in two weeks at this point, my hair was matted and odor of smoke and blaster fire clung to my skin.

   New scars and knicks littered my body in various places, burning every time the water hit them directly. I don't remember a time when my skin was clean. I dried haphazardly, threw on a loose shirt and some pants, shoved my feet into my boots and tossed on a jacket. No matter how much my body ached for sleep, my mind still ran rampant. I left the Temple, down into the busy streets of Coruscant. Exhaustion seeped into my bones every time my body wracked from a step, but my stomach led the way. I hated ration packs, they were unsatisfying and bland— and I ate them far too often.

   I tucked into a well known diner, one I used to frequent before the war as a padawan. I slumped into a booth, reaching for the menu. Kael's boisterous laughter filled my ears, my lips pulling into a tired smile. I looked up, my gaze catching the Sullustan mans gaze as he looked over me. His black eyes rounded with surprise, his short legs carrying him across the space quickly. His arms spread wide as he neared me, a wide smile on his face, "Kiddo! It's been too long!" I stood warily, allowing the man to embrace me. I laughed, "Well, I am fighting a war, Kael."

   He stepped back, patting my bicep, "Ah, I forgot. You're a Genny now." I rolled my eyes at his quip, falling back down into my seat. He leaned his hip against the table, "When did ya' get in?" I leaned back, "Just this morning. I got hungry and decided to pay you a visit." His laughter filled the room again, "Good to hear it. Ya' want the usual?" My head spun, "Yes— and some caf if you don't mind." He gave me a two finger salute, "Yes, General." I shook my head at him as he walked away, threading back through the busy diner. I pushed the menu away, leaning my head back against the booths seat.

   It wasn't long before Kael delivered food to me, the salivating smell of fatty foods and caf filling my senses. It didn't matter that the food was still piping hot, spoonfuls of stew, bread and eggs slid down my throat like I had never eaten before. Kael slid into the booth across from me, laughing at my display, "Ya' weren't kiddin'." A satisfied hum emitted from my chest as I drank down nearly half the cup of caf. Kael's smile seemed to fade when I looked up at him over my food, his forehead kitting. My chewing slowed, my gaze flicking down to the half eaten mess on my plate. My stomach still churned with hunger.

   Kael sighed, "What are they doin' to ya', kid?" I blinked, my brows furrowing as I looked down at my food. I stirred the stew around, poking at a lump of meat before scooping it up into my mouth. I chewed the tender strands, my eyes fluttering shut at the flavor coating over my tongue. I swallowed, taking down the rest of my caf. Kael stood, grabbing my now empty mug, "I'll get ya' another cup. On the house." My attention averted from my food to Kael, watching him walk off with less enthusiasm than before. My lips tugged into a frown, looking back down at my food. Did I truly look that bad?

   My stomach twisted with unease, my utensil poking at my food aimlessly. What were they doing to me? I ravaged a meal like I had never seen real food before, avoided sleep to keep the inevitable nightmares away, but what was different from me and anyone else? The war was affecting everyone, not just me. My mug clinking against the table caught my attention, my gaze snapping back up to Kael as he sat back down. He nudged his chin at my food, "Eat. I know ya' haven't." And I did. Scraped my plate and bowl so clean you couldn't even tell they were used. I sipped on my caf, savoring the minimal energy it filled me with.

   Kael's fingers drummed against the side of his own mug, his black eyes soft in concern. I sighed heavily, placing my mug down, my hands cupping around the ceramic. "I'm fine, Kael. Just tired," I murmured. "I don't believe that for a second, kid," Kael replied. My lips pulled into a tight line, but I didn't elaborate. He sighed at my lack of response, "I know I'm not allowed to ask where ya' went or what ya' did, but at least tell me it's not as bad as ya' look." I sniffled softly, looking down at the dark liquid in my mug. In truth, it was as bad as it looked, and it was only getting worse everyday. I shook my head, "It's war, Kael."

   "I get that, kid, but ya' show up after months lookin' like.. this— and expect me not to worry?" He questioned. I quirked a soft brow at him, "It was a two week long mission, of course I look tired." He shook his head, "No. It's been over a year now since the war started. I've seen ya' three time since then." Had it really been that long? Had I really only been on Coruscant three times since the war started? I glared into the dark liquid, "Kael.." "Kid, they're running ya' straight into the ground, and for what? I thought the Jedi were peacekeepers, not soldiers," He remarked, sipping his own caf.

   I sat back, pulling the mug up to my lips to take a long drink, "We do what must be done." He scoffed, "Or, what the Chancellor says to do." Kael hated war, hated politics and everything that came with it. I couldn't blame him, politics made my head spin more so than the Council. It wasn't a secret that most of the civilians in lower Coruscant despised the Senate, the Chancellor with it. I remained biased for obvious reasons. But Kael didn't, and always had something to say about the condition the Republic was in. He sighed, "All I'm sayin' is that the war is a buncha bantha dung and ya' shouldn't be involved. You're just a kid.."

   "Kael, I'm not a kid.. I'm twenty-one," I grumbled. "Ya' are a kid, and m'sorry ya' gotta fight everyone else's war," He muttered.

-

   My ears felt cold, sound hardly drifting through them. My back was pressed to something hard, my already frigid skin layered in goosebumps from the lack of heat. I felt oddly comfortable, my mind wasn't running rampant like it normally would. There was peace within me for once, nothing pulling at my chest, no unsettling tingle in my spine. I wasn't afraid. I could hardly remember the last thing that happened, what led me to this relaxed state. I wanted to remain like this forever, quietly drifting through whatever state of mind this was. I wondered how long I'd been sleeping.

   It must've been hours, I hadn't felt this light since before the clone wars started. The chatter around me was soft, hands prodding at the wounds I received on Eriadu. Eriadu. Tech. Ord Mantel. The peace I felt was disrupted, my heart slamming against my ribcage. Then, my eyes snapped open, white, blinding light penetrating my pupils. My breaths came in sharp intakes, my body losing the gentle numbness of naivety. A woman peered over me, gazing down at me through tinted glasses. I tried pulling my body upwards, but each of my limbs were pinned down only adding to my current stress.

   Something beeped rapidly, and the woman's hands had stalled from her task to try and get me to stop moving. "Miss Solis, I need you to calm down," The woman spoke firmly. No matter where I put my eyes, there was more machines and people watching avidly like I was some sort of specimen. My fingers curled, trying to pull the restraints free. Nothing happened, not even the smallest bit of reaction in my spine where I should normally feel it. "What have you done?" I rasped out. The Force. Why couldn't I feel it? Another set of hands joined her in holding me down on the adjacent side, another woman.

   My body vibrated with fear, how could I calm down when I had never felt this quiet before in my life? The new woman pressed her hand to my forehead, pushing my head back down. I wasn't even in my original clothes, some sort of medical gown replaced them, explaining the frigid feeling I had. "Your restraints. It's your restraints," The original woman soothed. It was hardly soothing, but nothing detrimental had happened to me, at least that I knew of. A door beyond my vision hissed open, footsteps traveling into the room. My struggle had all but stopped, my body frozen with fear.

   "You're awake. That took longer than expected," A familiar smooth toned voice spoke. A face appeared over my head, staring down at me upside down. My jaw twitched, Hemlock. I remembered more now that my mind wasn't reeling with the loss of the Force— a temporary situation. The women on either side of me let go, returning to what they were originally doing, the original one continuing to tend to my wounds. Hemlock rounded me, coming to my left side, my gaze following him, my fingernails pressing into my palms. "The wounds you suffered on Eriadu were much more severe than you realized. We've taken the liberty in fixing them," He stated.

   I fought back the urge to roll my eyes, "You want me to thank you?" He hummed, his thin lips tugging into a smile, "Just a reminder that not even death will free you." My lips twitched, my brows pinching hard. I hadn't even been awake when they brought me in, let alone know when I got into this room. If I were to even try and escape, I wouldn't know the first place to go. My predicament was based on the fact that I had willing given myself up in return for Jax's life, in which I didn't even know if he was good on. "Did you let him go?" I growled. He sighed through his nose, "I will.. In due time." I strained against my restraints, "Snake—"

   "I told you I'd let him go," He cut off, leaning in closer to me, "I never said when." Had he? I could hardly remember, the sedative had all but washed out my memories of the situation. I felt another sharp prick in my left arm, my attention averting from him to the woman administering the pain. Red filled the tube, the site tingling from the needle. It was over as quickly as it began, the woman turning away. "I will release him, as long as you remain compliant," Hemlock spoke. I looked back to him, "I gave myself over willingly. That seems pretty fucking complaint." A low chuckle emitted from him, "Keeping your compliance is the issue."

   He turned away from me, looking up to the woman who was tending to me, "Have her transported when your tests are finished, Doctor Karr." Hemlock didn't give me a second look, rounding my feet and passing by right side, the door sliding open behind me. Doctor Karr gave a simple nod, turning back around to face me. Her hands took their place on my abdomen, pressing in different spots until I whined. She didn't speak, didn't even tell me the state of my own body. None of the doctors spoke, it was like they all worked in complete silence. I seethed quietly through the remainder of her prodding.

   My eyes flicked over to where her hands resumed whatever it is she was doing with my blood. It didn't help that I didn't know what was going on, that no one would tell me what my purpose here was. "Omega is here," She spoke quietly. My body stiffened, my eyes trailing up her back until I was staring dead into the side of her head, "What did you say..?" "She is fine," She assured softly. I could hardly believe what I was hearing. Why bring Omega here of all people? She was a child, they had no business bringing her here. "I'm telling you this because there isn't only one life on the line for your behavior here," She warned, turning to me fully.

   She nodded to whoever stood behind me, heavy footsteps approaching me. Omega was here, meaning not only Jax was in danger. I didn't even know, how could I? I had no other choice but to comply, but if I had known Omega was in trouble.. Troopers on either side of me unhooked my wrists and ankles, but the bands remained on each appendage. I was shoved into a sitting position and then pulled off the table, my bare feet stinging from the cool floor. The bands on my wrists were clipped together, and then my arms were firmly grasped pushing me towards the doorway. My knees could hardly hold my weight, which I was lucky the troopers were holding me up.

   I was led through a corridor which led to another doorway, taking a sharp left turn as we left the area. I didn't resist, I may not have trusted the doctor, but there was no way for me to know if she was lying or not. My eyes remained vigilant, remembering each turn and what there. I was steered into a turbo lift which took me downwards, opening into a round room. Three doorways were positioned at each side, doctors and troopers passing through. I was shoved forward again, my feet forced to move towards the left side of the room. I was beginning to feel hopeless from the amount of walking I was doing.

   This facility was huge, and there was no shortage on troopers to patrol it. It was near impossible to find from what Rex and Echo were trying achieve, and I assumed no one ever left. Unless it was Jax, which Hemlock still needed to make good on. Footsteps from down the hallway before me made my gaze flick up, my jaw tensing. Clone prisoners filed into one line were being led past me, each of them holding the same facial expression. Defeat. I was horrified, looking over each of their features to trying find some resemblances to clones I knew. Then I saw one.

   He looked just as battered, if not worse, but the tattoo over his right eye was hard to mistake. Suddenly, I wasn't very cold, I was hot— my blood boiling under my skin. "Traitor," I growled. My head was shoved down, "Eyes down." That only seared my anger. I was pushed roughly again, my feet burning from the resistance they gave as they slapped the ground. I raised my head again, but his eyes were on mine. His surprise was hidden well, the soft rounding of his eyes and the stiffness of his jaw. It almost looked like he could've felt bad. "I said— eyes down," The trooper growled, shoving my head back down.

   It didn't matter anymore, I was already past him. He was probably the reason they'd found us, he must've given up some sort of intel to better his chances here. It was disappointing, even after everything fell apart, he still didn't get it.

   My cell was bare, nothing but cushioned white walls filled my vision. My hands remained bound, my foot chained to the rear wall of the round room. The bands around my wrists were tight with no indication of how they were put on. They bit into my skin the more I tried to pry at them, which only made my hands colder from the numbness. It was deafly silent in the confines of my room and without the constant thrum of the Force, it felt that I was slowly going insane. Nothing had happened in the hour I was placed in here, just the soft clink of the chain and my wincing if I jostled my wounds too much.

   I didn't know what to expect, what I was here for or what Hemlock's end goal was. There were bigger issues that spun around in my mind, all of which were completely out of my power. I didn't fear dying, that was an inevitable outcome, but the pain I would experience before hand is what irked me. The Jedi were meant to die to wipe out any remaining hope in the galaxy, but if I was here, alive, that meant my death wasn't priority. If by the grace of the Force I escaped, I needed to know as much as possible, no matter the consequence. But— how was I supposed to confirm if Omega was here?

   If she was, she was already stewing and causing some sort of trouble. How many days had I been here? I wasn't aware of what time it was, nor what the sky looked like. I couldn't attempt to meditate or rest while the room practically suffocated me in silence. There was nothing. Just the cold, emptiness that cradled me. I let my legs slacken, my head leaning back against the wall as I stared at the windowless doorway before me. There was a pit of anxiety swirling with fear as I stared upon it. Who would come in? When— would they come in? How long would I be stuck here with nothing but my thoughts?

   My mouth was dry, my tongue like sandpaper against the roof of my mouth. The nausea kept me from feeling hungry, but my thirst was extreme. I felt like an animal, chained to a wall while life moved on around me. Had I been ignorant? I certainly had no choice but to surrender. But would Jax be freed like I was told so? I needed to confirm, I needed to ask questions— demand answers no matter how desperate it made me sound. How could I sleep? How could I relax without the knowledge of what was going on outside of my prison? I couldn't. I was in a worse position than I thought I'd be.

   I wasn't sure what to expect, not after I had been drugged and hauled off to whatever place this was. I had been stripped of my identity, essentially. I don't remember a moment in time when I didn't feel the slightest caress of the Force, the gentle tingle that sprouted in my spine or a graze over my consciousness. Too quiet. Everything was too quiet. My fingers dug into my skull as I cradled my head, my eyes pinching hard to keep the tears back. I couldn't deny— I was afraid, terrified even. I had evaded the Empire for over a year, just to turn myself over in false hope of saving another.

   Perhaps I deserved this. I wasn't able to save Tech. I wasn't able to save Jax. I wasn't able to save anyone. I was a fraud, giving false hope when I had none myself. Maybe if I had pulled harder, gone up top with Tech to give him support, maybe then he wouldn't have fell. I should've tried harder, stood up and stopped the car from crashing, kept everyone from getting injured. Maybe then I would've been able to take out Hemlock for good. Instead, I handed myself over. Trusted the enemy. My hands fell into my lap, my eyes bleary from the pressure on them. If I was stronger, I wouldn't be here. None of us would be here.

   Sacrifice was important, the Jedi had drilled that into me from the day I walked into the Temple. My upbringing taught me that love was encouraged, but attachment and desire must be dispelled. How can you love and not be attached? I was attached to every single one of my men, and anger spun inside of me with every one I lost. My master had scolded me relentlessly on that matter. He never understood, never comprehended the type of compassion I exuded. I was important to him as an apprentice, of course, but it never went past duty. I wished he understood. I wished he were here to tell me what I was supposed to do.

   I lost track of my thoughts, or even how long I'd been sitting here. It must've been hours, mess time, because two troopers entered my cell with a tray. My lip curled up at the food, or lack there of, the grey slop melting across the dividers. The cup of water is what made my stomach flip, greedily chugging down the refreshing liquid. I held the cup to my chest, tucking my knees up to my chest to move as far away from the troopers as possible. They just stood, visors trained on me emotionlessly, blasters at rest. My eyes narrowed, "You can leave." "Negative. You're required to eat before we go," The soldier on the right spoke.

   My lips flattened, "I'm not eating that." "That's not up for discussion," He growled. "Then you'll be standing there a long time," I droned blandly, shoving the tray of slop away with my foot. It stopped at his boot, the slop shifting from the impact and splattering over his boot and the floor. Neither one of them reacted, simply remaining in place. I rolled my eyes, shifting sideways to lean my head against the wall. My thirst had subsided, but my eyes felt heavy. My body had been exhausted over the constant moving from our mission to find the place I was currently trapped in. I didn't care that I was being stared at, I just wanted to sleep.

-

   There was a routine, one that never strayed or changed. It was always the same. I'd be woken early, disgraced with the presence of troopers, hauled off to some lab, rinse and repeat. Today was no different, and the meals I counted added up to roughly eight days since I received my first one. Doctor Karr was the main doctor who saw to my testing, mostly consisting of blood draws or supplementing due to my rejection of the food. I refused to eat it, it wasn't even somewhat edible. I was feeling the effects of not eating solids, though. My stomach twisted in knots, a constant ache in my temples. It was only a matter of time.

   Today was no different, my arms were grabbed and my ankle was unchained, my feet forced to move. I felt heavy, like my body was working against my mind. I was taken down the same corridor as always, plenty of distant gazes from the numerous clones passing by. I had seen Crosshair twice, the second time I avoided looking him in the eye. It filled me with rage, with discomfort. I couldn't bear it, it almost filled me with embarrassment to be seen so weak by him of all people. Jax was no where to be seen, which was probably on purpose due to my known attachment to him, and Omega's presence here remained unconfirmed.

   I had half the mind to ask Doctor Karr about Omega, mainly because Crosshair wasn't a viable option— if he'd even seen her. Part of me wondered what they'd been putting him through, how the clones were treated. It was obvious to anyone that the lack of light in their eyes was due to mistreatment, but how far it actually went was unknown to me. Jax didn't deserve it, none of them deserved it, not even Crosshair, no matter how much I wanted him to. It wasn't humane, and I wasn't a monster. Maybe even a part of me felt bad— a very small part of me, only because his brothers deserved better.

   I was pulled around a corner, my gaze finally focusing on where I was being led. I wasn't anywhere I'd been before which sparked trepidation in my gut. Troopers were minimal here, I saw no doctors and there were only doors lining both sides of the corridor. The troopers stopped sharply before one of the doors, opening it and leading me inside. It was one table, a control panel with health statistics to the right side of it, and a droid. I hadn't noticed Doctor Karr until I was forced to sit atop the table. I remained in place despite the troopers stepping back to stand on either side of the door while Doctor Karr approached me.

   Her gaze didn't move from the task on her data pad, the soft tapping of her gloved fingers steeping the pit of anxiety in my stomach. The door opened again shortly, none other than Hemlock himself appearing. My back straightened, the muscles in my shoulders taut with tension. His right hand cradled his gloved one, his steps towards me slow and calculated. He let out a heavy sigh, "You're not eating." My lips curled into a sneer, a scoff puffing out from my chest, "Have you seen what they're serving?" "It is a perfect balance of the necessary nutrients you need, Miss Solis," He remarked.

   My eyes narrowed, "I'm not eating it." His mouth pressed into a flat line, "You seem to forget your predicament." I watched him carefully as he stopped at my side, my gaze bleeding into his disturbingly bright eyes. His face got closer, forcing me to break my gaze from him to turn my face away. "Every meal you miss is one CC-1226 doesn't get. You haven't forgotten our agreement.. have you?" He murmured. My heart shattered into pieces, falling into the swirling pit inside me. I had caused Jax to go hungry? I knew I hadn't been compliant, but I wasn't resisting testing or giving any unnecessary trouble.

   I was being fed, granted— by supplements and other replacements, but I was eating. His finger traced over the band on my left wrist, "He doesn't go free until you break." My hand itched to reel back and knock him flat out, but violence would make it worse for Jax. I had to submit myself, like a hound, to free Jax from here. I had never felt more degraded and belittled in my life, the anxiety warping into shame and disgust. My breath hitched when his fingers pinched around my wrist, "Do I make myself clear?" My jaw trembled, my eyes pinching together to hold back tears of anger that wanted to spill.

   "Yes," I gritted out. He hummed, satisfied with my meek answer, his hand releasing its grip on my wrist. "I should hope so, Miss Solis," He warned. My gaze burned holes into his back as he stepped away from me, speaking quietly with Doctor Karr. My hands burned, the storm that raged inside of my heart swelling with new hatred. Even without the lull to darker aspects, my rage felt the same. It was that same seething, white hot indignation that burned in the back of my skull, behind my eyes and through every nerve ending. I had never wanted someone dead more so in my life. I had never hated someone so passionately.

   Hate was a powerful emotion, one I had reserved for one being in the galaxy— but not even he could measure up to the stifling presence Hemlock had over me. It was uncontrollable, and if I had not been forcibly cut off from the Force, I would've done unspeakable things to every person in this room. My lungs wavered, hardly able to suck down the air flooding through my nose from how concentrated I was on breathing. I had never wanted to plummet into unknown territories with the Force, just to see someone suffer. I saw everything clearly at that moment, my anger gave me focus.

   His hand lifted in a motion to direct the troopers towards me, their hands forcibly pushing me down onto the table flat. My limbs were bound, my struggle useless against two figures larger than I. My teeth grit together as my forehead was strapped down, the table biting into the back of my skull. Hemlock approached once again, his forehead creasing with the slight raise of his brows. "I will show you once what noncompliance will bring.. and then it will be your clone who suffers instead," He threatened, stepping back. In his place, a droid whirred up beside me.

   I refused to show any sort of fear at his threat, my eyes glaring sideways at the approaching droid. I didn't need the Force to know that only pain waited for me, my stomach told me by the needle that ejected from the droids center. My jaw tensed as the needle sunk into the soft skin of my neck, my eyes immediately growing blurry. My entire body fled with fire, every one of my nerves set aflame by the substance the droid contained. The hardness of my gaze fled with fear, my brows knitting tighter. This was worse than the vultures, worse than the visions, more painful, more cruel.

   There was no way to get away from the prodding of the droid, and my head began to build with pressure. I growled through my teeth before using the last of my air to scream.

-

   - 21 BBY-

   Location: Neimo.

   My breaths dragged through the respirator, the toxin pricking at the skin in between my armor plates. This mission was a lost cause from the get go, the squad was above this. How and why we were deployed for a mission this far under was beyond me. Two full brigades had taken one too many hits and now it was our job to clean up the mess. Stupid regs. Irritated was an understatement. My skills were being wasted on an uninhabitable planet for minimal monetary gain. The Republic was in shambles. It didn't matter who they sent out, we were clones— meant to be expendable.

   The Neimodians had been evacuated from the outer city to the Capitol, and relief troops from the 212th had been sent in to help fortify the inner city. My brothers and I were stuck on recon— washing out any remaining Separatist bands trying to push in from different sectors. It was drawing work, but patience was virtue. Sitting around and waiting wasn't the issue, it was the outcome that ruined it. Neimo was a wasteland to anyone that wasn't Neimodian. The Republic had no gain from the planet besides political sway, from what Tech stated. Politics or genuine work— it was all the same. Power.

   My eye peered down through the scope, tracing over the steaming plains ten clicks south. Nothing but disabled battle droids and tanks littered the field, no active movement. The beads of sweat from under my helmet dripped down my face, the hot air of my breath nearly fogging up the inside of my visor. I hated this planet. What a waste of time. "Crosshair, what's your status," Hunter's voice chimed in through the link in my helmet. I brought my finger up to hold down the channel button, "Nothing yet." "Copy. We're moving back to the Capitol for Tech to set up. Rendezvous at point three-three-five-seven," Hunter replied.

   "Affirmative," I muttered, pulling my hand away to rest back over my rifle. We'd only been here three days and we engaged one enemy band. Being a sniper was slow work, but this just seemed ridiculous. While the regs carried on with the front, we were left to pick off the stragglers, awaiting recoup orders. I'd rather be on Tatooine than sitting in a toxin pile listening to incompetent leaders. I pushed myself up to my feet, sliding down the rubble back onto the main road. I kept my rifle tucked in as I ran through the city to make the rendezvous. My brothers were waiting when I arrived, the soft chirp of Tech's data pad filling the silence.

   Hunter flicked his fingers, signaling us to follow after him back through the city. There was nothing here, no sign that life ever even existed here. I'd been to plenty of questionable planets in my time, but this had to be the most intolerable. The stench still broke through my respirator regardless of the heavy filtering it supplied. The trip back to the Capitol was nothing short of easy, the city had been cleared days prior and there was nothing to scout ahead for. My boots splashed through the sop, further edging my annoyance.

   The Capitol was rampant, men, women and children bustling around the 212th's occupation. At least we were under Commander Cody's orders this time around. My rifle rested heavy in my hands, my gaze remaining sharp on Hunter's back as we threaded through the sea of Neimodians. They smelled, too. The Capitol building was in worse shape, surprisingly. More 212th soldiers hustled around, the corridors filled with debris from an earlier air strike. My hands only seemed to grip my rifle harder. The Council chamber was turned into the Advanced Communications Center, per the on going assault happening on planet.

   Inside, there were more regs amongst the 212th— the 287th. My head swiveled around slowly, looking over each of the men painted in the teal plastoid. More regs. I turned with a grunt, following after my brothers who'd walked a short distance away to the holo table. Commander Cody turned from a clone he was speaking to, his helmet tipping in acknowledgment to us. "Hello, boys. Been awhile," He spoke, holding out his arm for Hunter to take. Hunter obliged, his hand wrapping around Cody's forearm, "Good to see you, Commander." Cody nodded, stepping back, "We just received word on the northern front. Things have gotten.. complicated."

   "What's happening?" Hunter questioned. Cody turned to the holo, pressing the projection on. The map detailed the front along with different reports of Separatist forces falling back, none of which detailing where their position was changing to. "Isolated attacks in the fifth and eighth quadrants, none of which have any sort of gain. Their strategies are changing, we're backpedaling at this point," Cody explained. Tech stepped passed me, looking up at the holo, "A concerning matter. I will try to create a connection into their frequency to get a potential location of their fallback position."

   "Or, we go out to their last known location," I grumbled. Hunter turned, shaking his head, "Not happening. We'd be going in blind." "We're sitting here waiting for the inevitable to happen, Hunter," I argued. Wrecker shifted beside me, agreeing with both sides. Tech turned to me, "Crosshair, we could be running around with no answers. I believe they are trying to draw us out." "Then we sit here, wasting our time?" I spat, my hands gripping my rifle tighter. "Yes, you do," A voice spoke out from behind. My jaw clenched, my head turning minimally to the woman who spoke. She walked up to the table, resting her gloved hands over the module.

   "I agree with Tech. We cannot afford to spend resources where we have no proof," She defended. I rolled eyes under my visor, my distain for the planet only growing at her unwanted opinion. "Yes, General. I will do so now," Tech replied, striding away from us. Cody turned to speak with her, my gaze burning holes into the side of her hazmask. A hand cupped over my shoulder, jostling me. My eyes moved to Hunter's visor, unimpressed. "Try not to be a dick," He muttered. I scoffed, shrugging his hand off, "It's not my fault she's incompetent." Hunter shook his head with a sigh.

   Her glare didn't pass over me, I saw right into it. The fire that burned in her eyes when she looked at me, knowing I'd been silenced temporarily by my opinion being overshadowed. My brothers were suck ups, she was no General. The woman before me was a brat, a child put into a place of power. I'd seen one too many of her missions gone awry, ones my brothers and I had to mop up after her insolence. Her hazsuit didn't even have a speck of grime on it, further driving my point into place. She sat and played General while everyone else did her dirty work.

   "Problem?" I growled. She huffed, "With you? How'd you guess?" I grunted, "Lucky." Her annoyance was clear, she was just as bothered to see me as I was her. She rolled her eyes, her gaze shifting away. Hunter was invested in conversation with Cody, Wrecker standing by. My gaze shifted back to her. "Do you have something to say?" She snapped, her arms folding over her chest. My hands flexed over my rifle, my feet bringing me closer to her, "Your men are out there— dying, and you're in here doing what? Waiting for the win? Pathetic." She stiffened, "What did you say?"

   "You heard me, General. Got tired of your cruiser and decided to come down and see it in person, did you?" I hissed, my helmet tipping down to speak lower. I could see her physically grow irritated, her body language shifting into a defensive posture, "You're out of line, trooper." "And you're a fraud," I bit back, "How about instead of standing around helpless, you go out there to actually fucking do something." Her eyes were wide, jaw permanently set into a dropped position. My breaths dragged through my nose, my temper finally boiling over. I'd seen her sit back one too many times, Neimo's wastelands had been the final straw.

   Even with the look of bewilderment in her eyes, fire burned passionately inside them. Nothing irked me more than watching a leader, a Jedi of all people, stand around while the world crumbled around them. She thought we were expendable, worthless— cannon fodder. We meant nothing in her eyes. She stepped closer, her finger coming up to jam into my chest, "You.." Her voice wavered, heavy with resentment and retention on her rage. Her jaw trembled, her lack of retaliation briefly stunning me. She didn't finish, letting her hand drop from my chest, her feet carrying her past me.

   I looked back at her as she charged past Cody and through the doors, a slow breath falling from my lips. She finally found her backbone.

Chapter Text

   -21 BBY-

   Location: Adari

   My breaths were visible in the soft shroud of the forest, my feet cracking over fallen limbs as I pressed forward. Jax and half of the company banked off to the left, sweeping for any remaining Separatist activity while I moved with the rest to the rendezvous. Adari was never supposed to be targeted, it was a core world, meaning this was more than likely a set up. My suspension had lifted a month ago, and I was granted an on world mission— given that I would report to the Council instead of ignoring them like last time. Master Windu hadn't been pleased with the idea, but he was out voted. I'd hear about it when I got back.

   The overcast didn't help the already less than desirable conditions, my skin frigid under the thickness of my robes. I didn't complain, but my socks were soaked and I hadn't eaten in over two rotations. Our slow pace did nothing to warm me up, and I was undoubtedly jealous of my men who had plenty of layers on. The next camp wasn't far, only six more clicks and then I could curl up into my sack for the night. I wouldn't rest, not with the torrential downpours the nights bring here. It was still drizzling, the soft patter off the leaves a relaxing sound of ambiance. It would be much more enjoyable with a cup of caf.

   Mick stumbled beside me, my gaze flicking to him as he jogged back up to my side, adjusting his blaster. He was young, freshly assigned to the 287th after the events on Neimo. I had a lot of new men assigned after Neimo, a lost cause that cost me too many good men. He was honest, quick on his feet a good shot when you needed him. Jax had a hard time with adjusting the new recruits, his attachment to his brothers ran deep. I couldn't blame him, sometimes the new recruits were downright insufferable, but we needed them, now more than ever, even if bringing in new men meant more death.

   Mick's gentle naivety wasn't lost on me. He had a special glow of that boyish charm you'd meet in a tavern, one who didn't know his knee from his ass. He stuttered, a lot, and almost seemed like he was unsure of how to hold a blaster. But in the heat of battle, I had never seen a more dedicated trooper. I didn't know how to feel about the unwavering respect my men gave me, I was hardly ever out in the field with them. They served like I was, regardless. It was unquestionable loyalty, one that couldn't be driven from them even if they were hung upside down and forced. I admired it.

   "Are you okay, Mick?" I murmured, pushing aside the mess of vines. His helmet snapped towards me, "Uh, yes.. Sir—" He fumbled. My eyes softened, but my lips remained pressed flat, "Watch your step." His hands gripped over his blaster tighter, "Yes, Sir." "Relax, Mick. You're scattered," I soothed, lunging over a gangly root. His anxiety was pungent in the Force, clouding the wellbeing of my other men. I could feel the tension in his shoulders, it was practically radiating off of him. I felt when he exhaled forcibly, some of that tension reducing.

   "Sorry, General," He clipped, his voice edged with embarrassment. I sighed through my nose, the mist rolling down my cheeks. I swiped the back of my hand over my forehead, wiping off the accumulation of water. My feet ached, and my toes were cold. I couldn't blame him for being on edge in such an uncomfortable situation. The silence was bleak as the rendezvous came into view, other troopers from the 501st already setting up camp. My feet carried me quicker than before, straight to the bigger tent in the middle of the clearing. I pulled the tent flap aside, the warmth of the command tent coating over my cold limbs.

  Captain Rex was at the holo table, his attention turning to me as I entered, "General." He gave a quick salute, to which I waved off, walking up to his side. He looked me up at down, "A little wet, Sir?" I sighed, tossing the soaked hood back, "I don't wanna talk about it." A soft chuckle emitted from his chest, "Yes, Sir." It was nice to see a familiar face for once, one I was fond of. The atmosphere was lighter, and I felt more at ease since I deployed to Adari. I cleared my throat, "How are Anakin and Ahsoka? Did they reach the city yet?" Rex shuffled, "Long range comms have been a bit spotty. Last I heard, General Skywalker was still ten clicks out."

   I frowned, "Any reason for the comm difficulties?" "The atmospheric pressure on Adari. We have a team at it currently," Rex clipped, his shoulders growing tight. His sudden unease didn't pass over me. My hands pressed to the top of the table, leaning forward slightly to speak to him softer, "What is it, Rex?" He ran his hand back over his head, "I don't like this, Sir. It feels like a trap." It wasn't just me who thought an occupation on a core world was odd, Adari was loyal to the Republic. I let out a slow breath through my nose, placing my hand over his own on top of the table.

   "I know, but it'll be alright. We'll figure it out, we always do," I murmured.

-

   My eyes hadn't moved from the same spot in the room that they'd been for the past few hours. I was curled up in on myself, laid out on the floor, my head tucked into the crook of my elbow. The grey slop sat heavy in my stomach, just as it did every day, my stomach twisting in knots. I was acquainted with the feeling, though, I wasn't sure how long it had been. I stopped counting meals after I reached fifty-two, that had been many meals ago. My ears rang at a constant trill with every hour I was left in silence, but I was slowly coming to terms with my loss of the Force.

   I stopped resisting, stopped threatening when I felt threatened. I would always end up in the same place at the end of the day— drained and silenced. It felt like something in my head had flipped, like a sort of acceptance for my situation had settled in. I had long given up memorizing the corridors they took me down, they all blurred into the same thing. The minimal enrichment had taken its toll over me, I hadn't had a genuine conversation with anyone in forever. Emerie didn't count, she asked me generic questions about my health and I answered accordingly. It wasn't the same.

   I hardly felt human, more like a specimen to be examined. I was the rat inside the gas chamber, getting poked— and poked— and poked, until I gave a reaction. Eyes were always watching, even if I couldn't see them. They were in my room at all times, watching me do the same thing I was doing currently. Nothing. It was always nothing. It wasn't even that they'd been harming me, it was the isolation that had changed me. There was a time I pleaded for silence, begged the Force to bother anyone but me. Now, I hated it. I hated feeling separated from reality, living in the in between.

   Hemlock's obsession with my testing hadn't subsided, surprisingly. There was only so much blood he could take before he ran out of things to research. I ran my mind around the idea plenty, but the amount of blood they took never made any sense. It often left me feeling lightheaded, and the food they offered only made the feeling worse. I wasn't just exhausted physically, but mentally as well. I craved just the smallest hint of the Force, a gentle whisper that could ease the ache behind my eyes. Nothing. It was always nothing. I forgot the feeling, I was used to sitting in uncomfortable silence.

   My hair had been plucked, my body scanned, my limbs poked at, all for the sake of nothing. I assumed nothing because they continued the same tests daily, following it to a precise point every time. If it did yield a result they wanted, then it was lost on me. I hadn't the slightest clue what could be so important that I had to break to be here. Still nothing on Jax, nor Omega. I wasn't told anything, and I didn't ask questions. I felt too real, too normal. It was unnatural for me to be so clueless to everything around me. The lack of the gentle thrum in my spine was missed.

   It didn't occur to me before how heavily I relied on the Force. I relied on it in almost everything I did. Walk, run, look, hide. It was always there, heavy on my shoulder like an extra set of eyes looking out for me. It was the light and dark sitting on both of my shoulders, one trying to convince me to stay obedient while one craved chaos. It was supposed to feel that way, I was supposed to be balanced. I had no balance, that had fled with the purge. It was utterly impossible to see the light in the darkness that seemed to coat over the galaxy; and it was that same darkness that coated over me.

   I was restless, but the visions ceased. It was almost pathetic in a way, the Force all but stopping when I needed it most. It's not like it was silent on purpose, it was being silenced. But the absurdity of it nearly made me laugh. It warned me in all situations, regardless of how accepting I'd been of it, but here, it almost felt like it had nothing to say. This felt like punishment. It was punishment. But it still wasn't the Force's fault. It was my fault. I put myself here. I wanted to play the hero. Hadn't I learned my lesson during the war? There was no such thing as hero's.

   The door slid open, two troopers following in after Hemlock. My arms wavered as I pushed myself up, my gaze set hard on the man in the middle. He rarely greeted me, but it wasn't unnatural for him to every so often. He stopped in the middle of the room, his chin dipping downwards. I took that as a silent request to stand, the cuff around my ankle jingling. His eyes swept over me, cold as usual, calculating like a scientist. I hated it. My feet shuffled uncomfortably, "Problem?" He hummed, "Yes.. you're looking a little thin." I'm sure I was, after all, the food they handed out was hardly that.

   My mouth over salivated at the thought of the grey, my stomach tumbling from this mornings portion. I wasn't underfed, but I wasn't a clone. I didn't adapt like they did, I was just a human. The thought of real food, even if it was just one of those bland ration packs during the war, I'd take it. "Your portion will be adjusted," He continued. I scoffed quietly, "Great." That's exactly what I wanted. More grey. He wasn't amused nor bothered by my sarcastic remark, his gaze remaining exploratory, "I have a gift for you." I knew better than to have high expectations, his gift was probably one less needle.

   "Oh?" I replied dryly. He exhaled slowly, walking towards me. It unnerved me how his eyes never strayed away, always looking. I learned how to swallow the urge to take his eyes for good. He stopped just far enough that if I were to lunge at him, I'd be stopped. He was smart. "A visitor," He spoke. I blinked, my shoulders softening. He was toying, playing with my emotions to get a rise out of me. Snake. My eyes narrowed, "Visitor." He grunted, sounding amused, "You don't seem very thrilled.. I thought you'd be more grateful." It was hard trying to keep my composure in front of a narcissist. "Forgive me. I've been misled before," I remarked.

   Jax's release hadn't been confirmed, a lie spun to manipulate my weakness to his sick ploy. He knew as well as I did that he wasn't going to let him go. He understood my implication, his brows pressing down on his eyes, "Have you?" "Don't be coy," I grumbled. A smile pulled at his lips, his hands dropping from behind his back, "Hardly, Miss Solis. Don't mistake my generosity for something else." My brows shot up, a scoff sliding through my teeth, "Generosity? I wasn't aware you were capable of such." His eyes narrowed, but that same tantalizing smile remained. He was manipulating me again. He's lying to me.

   "I assure you.. there is no ploy," He assured, stepping aside. The troopers stalked towards me, but my gaze remained on him. I held my hands out before they reached me— a force of habit. The bands linked together, and then I was led out after Hemlock. The footsteps of the troopers thumped in my ears, the corridors only making them sound so much louder. Normally, I'd keep my eyes down, but I made sure they never left the man in front of me. In the usual room I'd emerge from, I only ever went off to the left. I was taken straight, the corridor much larger and filled with more troopers.

   I felt slightly apprehensive now, knowing I was being taken somewhere completely different than usual, set me on edge. There were many more clones being led around here, though, the gravity of how many resided here sat heavy in my stomach. Hemlock paraded around like he was proud of his entrapment of so many men; innocent, hard working and loyal men. I'd never seen a clone look so defeated before I got here, I could only imagine the conditions they lived in. The isolation in itself had to be maddening enough on its own. I knew the struggle. I felt like I had been conditioned to the devastation, to accept the inevitable reality this place held.

   Finally, he stopped at a door, pressing his finger to the identification unit, the door sliding open with a hiss. I huffed as I was pushed forward again, my gaze sweeping the interior of the room throughly. I was directed to the center of the room, the troopers finally stepping off from me. Hemlock stopped before me, my fingernails curling into my palms. He let out a slow breath through his nose, nodding to the trooper behind me. "You have five minutes," He warned, glaring as he walked around me. My brows pinched, my gaze following him until he was too far from my peripheral. There wasn't anyone here, not that I could see, if anyone was even coming.

   The door before me hissed open, my eyes roving over the little blonde girl that tortured my thoughts. My chest clenched, her eyes rounding in sorrow before she dashed across the room to me. I lifted my bound hands, tucking my nose down into the top of her head as her arms wrapped around my stomach. I used my arms the best I could, resting them somewhat awkwardly in the air. Her small form trembled, but I couldn't tell from what. Omega was here, and that settled uncomfortably in my gut. I lifted my arms, letting her step back from me, her hands scrubbing away at her cheeks, wiping away the stray tears that fell. I frowned. I couldn't feel it, none of it.

   I slowly crouched down, pressing my knees into the ground as she mirrored my actions, my bound wrists resting in my lap. Her hair had gotten longer, long enough to pull back into a band, and she'd grown an inch or two. How long had it been? "Omega, have they done anything to hurt you?" I murmured. I had to be sure, even if she didn't look unhealthy. She looked healthy, unharmed, sad— but, unharmed. She shook her head, "No. I help out in the lab with Nala Se." My eyes narrowed, "Nala Se is here?" She nodded once, her eyes looking up to meet mine. She didn't look displeased at the fact, I couldn't be sure, but I didn't press her on it.

   "And Jax? Have you seen him?" I questioned. Her lips turned downward, "No.." I sucked in a slow breath through my nose, rolling forward on my knees slightly. Any questions I ever asked about him were always left unanswered. Omega hadn't seen him, and with her obviously not being contained to a cell, I assumed she saw plenty of clone prisoners. Omega's eyes grew glossy, "I'm sorry.. I've been looking, it's just—" "No, no.. It's okay. It's not your issue, I just want you to focus on your own safety," I assured, peering down at her downcast eyes. She nodded slowly, not fully satisfied with my words, her eyes a maelstrom of hurt.

   The way she looked at me told me she worried more than necessary. I sighed, reaching my hands out to cup hers, "I'm alright.. The food could be better, though." Her lips twitched slightly, and I found myself allowing a gentle smile for her sake. I was far from alright, but I wasn't dead, that had to count for something. "How did you get Hemlock to agree to this?" I questioned. She looked down at our hands, "I was awake when they transported us here, I just didn't know where to find you. Hemlock didn't like my snooping, so he agreed to let me see you once, just so I would stop." With every word my frown deepened.

   "Omega," I warned. She sighed, "I know. But I couldn't just forget about you." I shook my head, "You're not. Remember to not let your feelings cloud your judgement." She relented for a moment, her shoulders softening as she took in a slow breath. The minimal training I had offered her seemed to stick, but she was a smart kid, I expected that. She was able to freely roam the facility, which meant she was already familiar with everything that wasn't restricted. She had the opportunity to get out, it was only a matter of when. She pulled her hands out from mine, her gaze hardening. My back straightened, my brows pinching, "What is it?"

   She looked tense, and if I were able to feel it, I was sure it would give her away completely. "I'm planning an escape," She whispered. My lips pulled into a firm line. She continued, "I need you to tell me where you're being held—" "Omega," I sighed, exasperatedly. She pressed on, "I've already found Crosshair— and I've been talking to him daily about—" "Omega," I snapped, causing her to fall silent. She wanted to help Crosshair after everything he'd put her through. While I couldn't wrap my head around it, she was more forgiving than I was, and he was her brother. I couldn't feel bad for how I snapped, though, she had to prioritize herself.

   "Focus on the bigger picture. Forget me, forget Crosshair. If you have the chance to get out, take it," I hissed. She shook her head, "I'm not leaving you or Crosshair here." "That's not up for discussion," I replied firmly. Her jaw fell slightly, "But— with your help we can—" "I can't do anything, Omega," I rasped, lifted my hands slightly. Her gaze fell to them, her brows knitting in confusion. I shook my head, "I cannot help you." Not with the resistors on. Her eyes reflected her shattered heart as she looked up at my face. I avoided them, ducking my chin into my chest. "I'm not giving up, and neither are you," She replied firmly.

   I shook my head, "Omega—" "No. I'm getting us out of here. We're all getting out," She cut me off. She wasn't going to take no for an answer, which filled me with more stress on my current heartache. I could only hope that she saw sense eventually, and that she would leave me here.

   I was right where I belonged.

   Watching Omega be ripped away from me was worse than I thought it would be. I didn't tell her where I was being held, I wasn't supposed to be her priority. I couldn't help her anyway, not with the resistors on. I had tried plenty of times to pry at them, but the more I did, the tighter they got. They were made out of some sort of steel, a blue bulb emitting light through each of them at the top of my wrists. I had tried slamming them against the wall, which proved to be fruitless, the room was padded for a reason, if not to keep me from harming myself. In conclusion, they weren't coming off, and trying would only yield a negative result.

   I was at a loss. I had been in this room for what felt like years, and a child was trying to break me and her war criminal brother out of a scientific facility. The thought of Crosshair made my blood boil over on top of my earlier anger. Omega didn't get it, and perhaps she never would. I had fought with Crosshair for the better part of the entire war. He was never easy to deal with, horrible at listening to orders, and downright disrespectful in every scenario. He cared about no one but himself, and the fall of Kamino had proved that dead in stone to me. He didn't help me out of the kindness in his heart— he helped me because his brothers were outside that door.

   He didn't kill me because it wasn't convenient for him at the time. He used people to get what he wanted, and then claimed his actions were based on mutual gain. He wasn't loyal, except to the dogs that had ripped apart the galaxy, inevitably tossing him into this place. He was a slave, one that was more than happy to follow the scent of power and glory. Family meant nothing to him, and if Omega thought he cared about her, she was in for a rude awakening. If he did by chance help her get out of this place, it would only be so that he could get out as well. He didn't deserve it, he deserved to stay here and rot for what he'd done. I hated him.

   A dull pain throbbed at the back of my head, fizzling down into the back of my neck. My hand cupped over my eyes, the pain slicing through my temples and melting over my spine. It was out of no where, coming in full force to attack my mind. It felt heavy, stifling and loud, echoing through my ears and off the walls of my brain. My own words repeated back to me inside my head, growing louder and louder as my fingers progressively dug deeper into my skull. Fear filled my stomach, flipping over itself at the unexpected blinding pain being induced. My teeth clenched, grinding down so hard I thought they might fall from my mouth.

   I sat there in torment, sucking down sharp breaths in hopes the pain would subside. I had never felt such a questionable sensation before. Pain usually correlated to situations better when the Force surrounded it, but the Force wasn't there. My head felt ready to burst off my neck, and I would've been grateful to that if it meant this would end. I leaned forward, retching roughly at the nausea biting at my tongue. Pinpricks and the over accumulation of saliva coated my entire mouth, and for a moment I was sure I was going to lose tonight's portion of grey. Then it stopped. It all receded back into the base of my skull, leaving me feeling violated.

   I fell back against the wall, my head bouncing slightly at the impact. My lungs filled with air once again properly, and the sweat that had pricked over my body dried. I felt empty, torn apart and then tossed into a heap. I was exhausted, my limbs had all but gone numb from how tense I had been. A long exhale left my chest, my body sliding sideways until I landed on my side. It was uncomfortable, my shoulder pressing down into the thin padding of the floor. I didn't care to move, I sat there, my eyes shutting without any resistance.

   It was long before the door slammed open. I hadn't slept at all despite my body begging for rest, the after effects of the sudden pain in my head still cycling me with worry. It was early, the grey was served and I was quick to shove it down to avoid the uneasy feeling it gave me when I swallowed. My portion had in fact been adjusted, and it left me feeling heavier than usual. I got up to my feet with the help of the wall, presenting my hands to the troopers and letting them clip my wrists together. Clockwork, at this point. Everything moved on as if I wasn't ripped apart by a child the day prior.

   I walked the same corridors, all the way to the same lab as usual where I was sat down and clipped into the seat. Emerie was already at work, preparing a tube for blood draw and running through her sterilization process. I sat quietly, as always, my body relaxing into the seat. It never took her very long, fifteen minutes at most before I was sent back to my cell. Her hand cupped over my forearm, the tube pressing to the top of my hand. The needle didn't hurt, not as much as it used to. I watched it fill with my blood, then be taken away and put into a tray filled with other samples. She returned with her data pad, her eyes locked on the device.

   I was tired, too tired to care about her questions, too tired to give her my attention. My lack of sleep from the night prior made me lightheaded on top of the blood draw. The tapping of her fingers drummed in my head, the ache behind my eyes pulsating at every thump. I let my chin drop down, my eyes falling shut. They burned, dried out from constantly staring at nothing. I ached for sleep, but my mind didn't want to rest with my body. I was running on fumes now, limping off of the grey and a measly hour or two of sleep a night. I was stuck in a never ending cycle of zero enrichment, and my body reflected that.

   The best thing that had happened to me was Omega, even if her being here put a heavier weight on my consciousness. She was here, wandering around, plotting an escape. I wasn't even sure that escape was an option, not for me, at least. It didn't stop me from thinking about it, though. For the sun to warm my skin, the soft crashing of waves on the shoreline of Pabu to fill the void in my thoughts. It all seemed so far from reach now, and more and more I felt I had taken my freedom for granted. There were restrictions with the Empire, of course, but out there I at least had a choice. A choice to run, to fight, to start over. Here, I didn't have that.

   I wasn't sure I deserved that anymore, not after what I'd done on Teloth, or Eriadu. Grief was a weird thing since it never really went away. The amount of trauma that had swelled over time had brought me to one place. Defeated. I gave up, that's why I failed continuously. I wasn't what I should be, fear had overrun my life— attachment had made me weak. I cared so much that when my strengths mattered, they were anything but. I felt like a husk, following after people just to have some sort of purpose, sacrificing myself to no gain. I hadn't done anything special, I had been naive. I was everything I was trained not to be, and to that, I hated myself.

   "Miss Solis," Emerie called out, her hand gripping over my shoulder. I lifted my head, trying to blink the dryness from my eyes. She stared down at me, her eyes wandering over my face in concern, "Are you feeling alright?" My throat constricted when I swallowed, nodding my head marginally. While her hand disappeared from my shoulder, her concern was still present. "If you're not feeling well, I must know," She demanded, grabbing the scanner from her belt. She pressed it to my temple, but I moved my head away. "I'm fine," I muttered, "Just tired." The scanner once again pressed to my temple, drawing a long sigh from me.

   "Your blood pressure is elevated. Did you eat this morning?" She questioned, completely ignoring my statement before. I shot a glare at her, "I did. I think we're both well aware of what happens when I don't." She pulled the scanner away, slowly placing it back onto her belt. Her eyes tinted with guilt, her demeanor wavering at my implication. She was the most tolerable of all the doctors in this facility, and I much preferred her over someone like Hemlock. She wasn't cold, even if she tried to be. She held guilt, and sometimes it looked like she regretted some of her actions. That didn't make me trust her any more.

   She turned without another word, preparing another syringe at the table. It was filled with a clear pink liquid, something I was sure I'd had before. She turned back to me, the needle pericing through the inside of my arm in between my elbow and forearm. The sensation was almost immediate, the ache behind my eyes trending down into a dull thrum. My shoulders visibly relaxed, my hands unfurling from where they were pinned down to. "Better?" She asked. I let out a small hum, choosing not to voice any sort of appreciation. I did appreciate her small acts of kindness, but I knew she was merely doing her job in ensuring my health.

   She motioned for the troopers, giving me one last glance before they came up to me. Their hands were rough, unlike hers, unforgiving and stern. I was hoisted up from my seat, my wrists clipped in front of my body and ushered towards the door. The injection she'd given me coated my mind in relaxation, my limbs feeling light. It wasn't something she was meant to give me, that I was sure of. It wasn't her job to make me comfortable, I was a specimen who merely needed to stay healthy enough to study. The thought made me uneasy, but the injection immediately soothed it.

   I dragged my feet, relying on the two men gripping my arms to pull me along. My arms didn't even burn from how tight they were gripping me, a cold sensation seeping through their fingers. What had she given me? This was a different kind of relaxation, one where I could probably be shot and not notice. My head dropped forward, my eyelids feeling too heavy. I felt true exhaustion, one where I was sure I could sleep indefinitely if I tried. I would take advantage of it, I needed to sleep in the worst way, dreamless and easy. There would be no self depreciating thoughts to plague me.

   I was jerked backwards, my head tilting back as I snapped from my momentary open-eyed rest. "Pick up your feet," The trooper to my right growled. And I did, focusing my gaze on the panels along the floor. The exhaustion didn't stay away for long, quickly melting back over my mind not even a few steps further. I was pulled to a stop, jerking my lucidity back into place. "Get Doctor Hemlock, now," The trooper on my right ordered. The one to my left let go, quickly retreating back in the direction we came from. He grabbed my other arm, holding me up, his fingers digging into my biceps with a searing pain I now felt.

   The last thing I wanted was Hemlock to show up with his uncomfortable stare. I shifted slightly, "I'm fine." The trooper didn't respond, his hands only gripping me tighter. I gritted my teeth, "I said— I'm fine." "Shut up, Jedi," He spat. The gentle leisure had all but dissipated at his remark, my eyes narrowing. "That's not much of an insult," I snapped. He shoved me back into the wall, my head knocking back into it slightly, causing me to wince. "I said— shut up," He growled. My chest heaved slightly, my hands curling into fists. With Hemlock on his way, this would most likely be spun back on me, which meant that droid again.

   I shrunk back into the wall, desperately trying to let the drug Emerie had given me take back over. But the anxiety rooting in my stomach was all I could focus on. The troopers hands relaxed suddenly, my gaze moving up to his helmet. He wasn't looking at me, he was looking down the corridor to my right. I looked as well, and then his hands left my arms, grabbing his blaster from his hip and aiming. My heart started to slam against my rib cage, and the rush of my blood was all I could hear. The trooper crept away from me, and I slowly slid sideways against the wall in the opposite direction. Adrenaline was fighting strong against the drug, but my vision was starting to spot.

   I sucked in a deep breath, resting my head back against the wall to try and focus. Then, one singular stun blast rang out, and the trooper fell to the ground in a heap. My breath hitched as I looked down at him, my feet stumbling slightly. I looked in the direction the blast came from, and my heart nearly imploded in my chest. Crosshair stood ten feet away, blaster aimed directly at my chest. I couldn't will my feet to move, I was frozen in place from either fear or anger. His eyes were hard, and once he began to move towards me, my feet kicked into motion. I stepped backwards, stumbling over my numb feet.

   My arm was grabbed due to my slow reaction time, and I was shoved into the wall, blaster pressed into my side. His forearm pressed into my clavicle, and the nose of the blaster seemed to press deeper with every breath. His eyes were colder than I remembered, staring straight through me like I wasn't even real. His voice came in that familiar growl, demanding and filled with warning, "Where are you being held?" I was stunned for a moment, simply staring at him open mouthed in confusion. The blaster pressed harder, a whine sliding from my lips. "Damn it, we don't have time. Tell me where you're being held," He demanded once more.

   My jaw trembled, shaking my head softly to try and refocus myself. Despite my confusion, I was fighting against everything in me to drop where I stood. What was he doing? Why would he risk so much just to get my location? Fuck. Omega. The blaster dropped from my side, his hand gripping my jaw and pushing my head back against the wall. "Wake up," He whispered impatiently. I groaned deep in my chest, my gaze refocusing on his, "Get.. off me." "Stupid, Jedi. Tell me where you're being held," He growled. His fingers dug into my cheeks, his brows knitting. He was afraid. His eyes were filled with fear, regret for when he inevitably gets punished.

   My knees wavered, and his hands readjusted, clasping over my biceps. My head dropped forward as I forced myself to recollect the route to my cell. "Down this corridor.. take a left after three junctions," I muttered. He exhaled, "More. Tell me more." "A round room. There's— three doorways. Take the one to the left of the.. turbo lift," I continued. My head spun rampantly, his hands pressing harder. "Wake up," He muttered. I hummed, "Down six levels.. right, when you exit— four junctions.. take a left. Door at the end." My head was growing heavier, it couldn't have been a worse time for the drug to finally take over.

   "Anything else?" He hissed. I shook my head minimally, and he sighed. This was Omega's doing. If I remembered properly, she was coordinating an escape plan with Crosshair— one I told her to do without me. I was too far, and going that far out of her way would jeopardize her escape. "You can't— let her come for me," I gritted out. He grunted, "Unfortunately, that's not an option." I scoffed, my gaze moving up to his. The distant thumping of approaching boots made his eyes harden, his fear receding into acceptance. His hands slowly released me, stepping back until he was against the opposite wall.

   Only then did I let myself slide down the wall, giving in to the drug. "Idiot," I muttered, "They'll give you the droid." He was silent for a moment, the echo of footsteps getting louder. I thought I had just missed his words, but his tone came tight and clipped, "How do you know about the interrogation droid?" I had a smart remark, but it failed to roll off my now numb tongue. Shouting reached my ears before I inevitably fell forward, my head hitting the ground and my vision going dark.

-

   -21 BBY-

   Location: Adari

   The rain was in full swing now, pelting the side of the transport as we touched down. The doors hissed open quickly, the men quickly offloading into the sodden terrain. I tugged my hood up, stepping off the transport, the wind kicking up as it took off once more. The hail of blaster fire in the valley below was hazed over by the downpour, flashes of blue and red hardly visible in the inundation. Mick jogged up beside me, blaster gripped tight in his hands, "General! Three more companies spotted in the east." My gaze narrowed at the firefight. We needed more time— time we didn't have.

   "Tell Commander Jax to break off the back end and send them to the eastern front. We need time," I ordered. Mick's helmet tipped down slightly before he turned away, relaying my message to my commander. The Force was uneasy, the tug at my chest growing with fervor. There had been something off about Adari from the moment we touched down, the main issue being that it was a loyal Republic world. Any motive for attack should've been uncovered by now. "The Commander has been notified, General," Mick reported, my distant gaze moving to him.

   The tug grew restless, my spine prickling over with a loud and clear warning. I turned my gaze from Mick, squinting through the rain to find the source. "General?" Mick questioned. My feet started to move, "Follow me." My legs were already pumping hard to carry me towards the tug, Mick's confusion melting when he realized I wasn't going to stop. I ran through the sop, Mick trying to keep up with my hurried pace. The blaster fire had long dissipated in the distance, the rain covering all sounds of violence. I stopped, searching the area for a clue to what the Force was leading me into.

   "General—" Mick started, but I was moving again, down into another valley and into the ruins of a watch tower. My footsteps echoed off the stone, the soft drip of water leaking through the crevasses louder in the void. The tug was still there, stronger than ever before. Mick stayed close behind, sweeping the area while I pressed forward. I tossed back my hood, my neck craning upwards to look at the ceiling. There was nothing here, but the tug remained, steady. I felt like I was being watched, like my breaths were being counted, and my actions were already known.

   "General..?" Mick spoke. "Quiet, Mick," I scolded, closing my eyes. "General," He reiterated, his tone clipped. The tug ended abruptly, my body turning towards Mick. The ignition of a lightsaber hit my ears before my eyes could land on it. My eyes rounded on Mick and the red blade protruding from his abdomen, the blade retracting and his body being tossed aside. My heart screamed, my eyes pricking with tears, "Mick!" "General Solis, it has been quite some time," The perpetrator spoke. My gaze hardened, moving to him, "Dooku." He folded his arms behind his back, my own hands yanking the twin hilts from my belt.

   "You're quick to choose violence," He taunted. My teeth gritted, "I have good reason to." The yellow beams erupted from each hilt, my feet parting to take a defensive stance. "That's not the Jedi way," He chastised, stepping sideways. He made a large circle around me, his pace slow and calculated. I spun my right blade around, my feet adjusting to stay facing him, "You know nothing of the Code, traitor." His brows raised, "Don't I?" "Enough," I snapped. His eyes moved over me, studying me intently. "How is Master Windu?" He questioned. My mouth pulled into a scowl, "I'm not here to talk, old man."

   He sighed through his nose, "He finally let you in the field, even after your suspension?" My face softened slightly, confusion settling in. His eyes were back on me, "Oh, yes. I know all about your wrong doings on Neimo." "How?" I growled. "I know lots of things, Miss Solis," He replied cryptically. My shoulders went stiff at his use of my name, "You're stalling, Dooku." He stopped his pacing, pinning his shoulders directly to me, "Is it wrong to visit an old friend's padawan?" "I'm not a padawan anymore," I snapped. He chuckled low, "No. You're not." My brows furrowed, my left hand gripping over the hilt tighter.

   My fingers flexed over my right hilt, cocking my elbow back to hold the blade higher. His shoulders visibly deflated, his face firming up into annoyance, "If that's how you'd like things to go, Miss Solis." His arms dropped, his saber igniting once more at his side. The hum of our blades cut through the silence of the tower, neither one of us moving. I wasn't meant to be here, but he had a reason. Adari was never meant to be attacked, it was a waste of resources. His motive was hidden, but I didn't need one to end his life. My feet skipped as I took off from my position, my blades angling to the right to swing at him.

   His saber met my attack single handedly, sliding down my blades and tossing me away. I spun back, my right blade connecting with his once more, taking the offensive. He was quick to parry my attack, my left blade swinging upwards to take my right one's place. His blade slid under mine, turning my attack into a defensive hold. I shoved myself back from him, my feet shuffling apart as he was now dishing out his own offense. I brought my right blade up to block his blow, spinning out of the way of his recovery and swinging out my left. He met it with ease every time, countering my defensive measures with unruly force.

   I ducked under his blade, kicking my foot out behind his ankle. I took advantage of his slip, stepping off from him. I panted softly, parting my feet in anticipation. "You have anger, but you don't use it. Why is that?" He commented. My lips pulled into a scowl, "Shut up." I charged at him once more, my blades clashing against his. I pulled away my left blade, but his hand flicked out and shoved me back, my body forcibly removed from the assault. I tumbled backwards, rolling into a low crouch, my feet slipping on the slick stone. My blood boiled under my skin, my breaths hissing out through my teeth. He hummed, "Use it, Miss Solis."

   "I am not weak— unlike you, Dooku," I spat, taking off towards him again. He side stepped out of my way, but I stepped backwards, spinning around to swing my right blade down into his. The plasma screamed, sparking with that same intensity I felt under my skin. His blade pressed downward, forcing my feet back to gain better balance. I winced slightly when the heat singed my cheek, ducking under his blade and past him. My chest heaved, and I rubbed my jaw against my shoulder, wiping away the tingling sensation I felt. "Master Windu hasn't taught you everything," He remarked. I looked back at him over my shoulder, turning my body to face him properly, my gaze narrowing on the stone.

   "He's taught me enough," I breathed out. He hummed undecidedly, "Is that why he still holds you back?" My hands gripped over the hilts harder, "He doesn't." "He does. When will you break free of that?" He retorted. I seethed quietly, my emotions running too hot for me to consciously continue this fight. He was getting in my head, no matter how much I wanted to deny it. "Ah. You know it to be true, don't you?" He spoke, his blade extinguishing. My gaze lifted from the floor to his face, my knees bending slightly. I spun my right blade around, "I will not be seduced by the dark side." He sighed deeply, "We'll see."

   I charged at him once more, but before I could reach him, I was shoved back, skidding across the stone along my back, my hilts extinguishing and rolling away from me. I groaned, rolling onto my side, my back aching with a searing burn. I reached my hand out towards one of my discarded hilts, the hilt jittering on the stone before flying towards me. It flew past my hand, his foot steps passing by my head. I let my hand fall, my eyes tracking Dooku as he stopped in front of me, my hilt in his hand. "Such potential, Miss Solis. Don't let it go to waste," He murmured. He turned, walking away and dropping my hilt onto the stone, the metal echoing in the tower.

   I rolled onto my stomach, my fingers gripping at the stones. He was gone just as quickly as he arrived, leaving me feeling unbalanced. I let out a yell in frustration, my scream echoing off of the damp walls. I let myself lay there for a while before I stood, gathering up my hilts and making my way over to Mick's limp body. I dropped to my knees beside him, rolling him over on his back and removing his helmet. He was gone, had been from the moment he hit the ground. Tears fell down my cheeks, my jaw clenching hard to try and keep in the pathetic whimper I wanted to release. I led him here. I got him killed. I pressed my forehead into his chestplate, sitting with his now cold body.

   My heart burned.

Chapter Text

  -21 BBY-

   Location: Atmosphere above Adari.

   Stepping off the transport filled me with resignation. My feet were numb, and cold, doused in the sop from Adari. I felt detached, mortified from my encounter with Dooku that ultimately costed Mick's life. One month. He was assigned out one month from Kamino and he was dead. My chest rippled with slow and controlled breaths, trying to ease the strain I felt on my heart. Not even the clamor of the hangar bay reached my ears, the Force still heavy with Mick's earlier apprehension. If I had listened to him, taken his concerned tone seriously, he would be alive. I ignored him, and now he was dead.

   I took a slow step forward, my boot squelching. I felt out of body, like I didn't exist among the rapid pace of the Venator. The mission was called a success. It wasn't a success. I took another slow step, and another, my legs unconsciously carrying me through the tight throngs of hustling men. My jaw burned and my robes were in disarray. Adari clung to me like an odor, radiating off of me in thick waves. I got Mick killed. Pin pricks spread over my tongue, nausea washing over my head. I was sick, the image of his body being flung away like it was nothing tainting my eyes. Horrified. I had never been more horrified in my life.

   Through my spacing, I heard a call for me. I kept walking, my left eye twitching slightly from the cold, dry air of the cruiser. I felt true shock for once, and the tears I wanted to let loose were cradled up in my waterline. I wasn't made for this, I wasn't ready. Another call for me, my feet continuing their beeline for the exit. I couldn't face Jax, I would be seen as weak in front of my own commander. Mick would have been better under him, I was no General. I was a Jedi, I was supposed to be stronger than this, better than this. Dooku was wrong, my master had every right to hold me back, to keep me off world.

   "General," My arm was grabbed, forcing my feet to stop. I expected to see Jax, but it wasn't. Hunter's eyes went to my cheek, his hand dropping from my arm, "General, are you alright?" I didn't even know they were deployed to Adari, which made me feel worse. How much was I unaware of? Was I truly so dense that things seemed to slide out from under my feet without me knowing? "General," Hunter prompted again. I blinked, looking up at him, "Sorry. What were you saying?"  His lips pulled into a firm line, "You don't look so good." I swallowed hard, my gaze drifting off into the hangar bay.

   I felt uneasy, like the remnants of my feelings surrounding Dooku were still pungent. My feet squelched in my boots again as I took a step back. Hunter's hand raised, but he didn't move it further than his waist, "General, come sit. Please." I looked back to him, sucking in a large breath through my nose, "I'm alright. No need to worry, Sergeant." My gaze drifted past him to his brothers, the other three watching intently. It suddenly felt like all eyes in the hangar bay were on me, my skin crawling with discomfort. "General, I really do think you need to sit," He retorted.

   The sharpshooters gaze narrowed on me, his fingers toying with that stupid piece of wood between his teeth. I felt weak under his stare, and everything he'd ever said about me felt true. "General—" Hunter mumbled, his fingers brushing over my arm. My gaze snapped back to him, my feet stumbling backward to get away from his abruptness. He looked at me like I was crazy. I was crazy, I certainly felt like it. I swallowed down the rush of nausea, raising my hand up to silence him from speaking again. I shook my head, my voice coming out weak, "I'm fine." I turned away from him fully, resuming my way to the exit.

   I ignored his further calls out to me, my blood rushing into my ears. What was this feeling? Why did it feel like I lost control of my breathing? Why was my skin so cold but hot at the same time? My jaw burned. Weak. I was completely and utterly weak.

-

   My spoon stabbed into the grey, poking holes into it and letting it flatten out. No one was here to watch me eat today, which felt odd. I was used to being watched for everything, but without the troopers here, the grey was even less appetizing. I stabbed the spoon into the mush, pushing it away and sitting back against the wall, huffing out a breath. Things went back to normal after everything that happened with Crosshair. I hadn't been punished, which was surprising to me, but Emerie wasn't my doctor anymore. I had a new doctor, one I didn't even know the same of. She was horrible, poked me incessantly with a needle like she didn't know how one worked.

   It didn't matter, it wasn't like I had a say in the matter. I did miss Emerie's bedside manner, even if she was just doing her job. She was tolerable, and now I'd lost her due to Crosshair's inability to just let things go. We were stuck here, and with the amount of time that had passed in between our meeting, it seemed my information would be useless. What a waste of time. I stretched out my legs, the cuff on my ankle jingling quietly. This was the first time they'd ever not whisked me away straight from my meal. Something stirred in my gut, and it wasn't the bite of grey I had. I felt tense, not knowing what was going on outside of my walls.

   I wondered what was going on off world. What was Rex and Echo doing? How were Hunter and Wrecker doing? Tech died just before everything turned upside down, and then they lost Omega, too. Were they still looking? Had they given up? Rex I knew surely wouldn't, he was far too loyal to shove this aside. I wished he would. I accepted the fact that I'd never leave this place, that it was wishful thinking to believe anyone could find us. That didn't keep me from dreaming about it, though. I missed Rex, more than I thought I could. Rex was on his way to Ord Mantel before I surrendered to Hemlock. He showed up and I wasn't there.

   He was one person I couldn't live with harming, and I had, inadvertently. I surrendered to words, to a false promise and harmed him in the process. I was a terrible friend. It should've been one less thing for him to worry about, but he probably thought I was dead. I might as well have been. We had disappeared from the galaxy, as far as anyone knew. Gone, without even leaving a hint behind as to where we were being held. That must've been just as maddening as it was being stuck in here. It didn't even matter that the Force was gone anymore, I just wanted to go home. Not to Pabu. Home.

   There were so many times where I woke up and thought I was in the Temple. Hearing the soft passerby's of airspeeders in the early rise of morning, the gentle thrum of the Force in the Temple's foundation. It was all so surreal. I would never walk those corridors again. I would more than likely never see another Jedi again, or even the sky for that matter. I was chained like a hound, just as the Empire wanted. I shifted, pulling my knees up to my chest, the cuff jingling again. All I had was myself and my thoughts, a terrible combination. I was tired of listening to myself, my thoughts were too loud.

   I rested my forehead against my knees, letting out a long breath. Why was there no one here? There had to be a reason why I had been left unattended. My confusion didn't last long, the sound of approaching footsteps wracking my body. I sighed, lifting my head from my knees and slowly getting to my feet. Of course I was wrong about them forgetting about me, Hemlock couldn't go a day without having me poked at. I heard the familiar chime of the keypad, the door hissing open moments later. My brows rose in disbelief, my gaze locking on Omega. She let out a sigh of relief, bounding across the room to me.

   I looked down at her incredulously as she knelt down to look at the cuff on my ankle. I clamped my jaw shut from its agape form, stepping back from her slightly. "What are you doing here?" I hissed. She looked up at me, her eyes swimming with determination, "Escaping." My lips pulled into a frown, "Omega—" "Move," A growly voice hissed out. My shoulders tensed, Omega stepping back as I looked over to the source of the other voice. He held the blaster up to his eye, aiming it down at my foot. My eyes widened, "You're not going to shoot at me." "Got a better idea?" He droned. His hand twitched, my heart slamming against my ribcage.

   Then the blaster went off, my foot jolting back from where it was glued to. The cuff had melted apart from the blast, the skin on my ankle tingling slightly from how close he'd gotten. Omega was quick to grab my hand, Crosshair leading us out of my cell into the corridor. My body was in shock, and I still hadn't processed what had happened in the last minute. "What happened? Why now?" I questioned. Omega looked up at me, holding out another blaster. Crosshair scoffed, "She's improvising." I slowly took the blaster from her, giving her a disapproving look. She gave me a meek smile, taking off in a jog down the corridor. My hands gripped onto the blaster, following after Crosshair.

   I didn't know how to feel, or even how to begin processing what was happening. Everything was happening so fast, so unplanned. I couldn't feel what was going on, and that made my anxiety worsen. Patrols were heavier, and moving around them was taking too much time. It was already an issue that I was missing from my cell, and the evidence of my cuff being melted off was an immediate give away. My eyes moved over Crosshair, my grip on the blaster tightening. Traitor. He had hardly even looked at me, but he seemed just as concerned as I did. He knew nothing of this plan. Omega was still hightailing it down the corridor, her pace quick.

   I really had become dependent on a child to save me, which didn't soften the already large hole in my ego. I wasn't even sure why I was following through, I had never been to this part of the facility. We stopped at the end of the corridor, my gaze drifting down to the blaster in my hands. If we got caught, who knew what they'd do to us. If I thought my chains were tight now, they'd surely be worse then. The nose of Crosshair's blaster nudged my arm, my attention flicking back to him. Omega waved us forward, the three of us dashing out from cover to hide behind a control station. Omega was quick to slide the data pad into the module, tapping at it rapidly.

   I kept my gaze on the corridor to our left, watching out for any patrols coming through. "Start talking," Crosshair growled. Omega sighed, "I told you. We're escaping." I glanced back at her, my lips pressing into a line. She was risking too much for this to be unplanned. "Why now? What's changed?" Crosshair pressed. "Nala Se said I had to. She told me to use her data pad to access the base and find a shuttle. We just need to get to a hangar," Omega whispered, the data pad trilling. I turned back, following after the two around the module into the now open door across from us. I pressed up to another control module, the distant chatter of troopers setting my nerves on fire.

   My hands gripped the blaster hard, and Crosshair's shoulder pressing into mine was an unwelcome sensation. "We're not supposed to be on patrol until midwatch," One of the troopers complained. They continued past us, the other one sighing audibly, "Commander's orders. All hands on deck until the Emperor departs." My blood ran cold, draining completely from my face and down to my feet. Palpatine was here. The man who murdered the Jedi was in the same facility as I was. I had met him plenty during the war, but knowing what I do now filled me with an unexplainable fear. I was terrified, more so than I had ever been before. He had power that I couldn't even fathom.

   Crosshair seemed to agree, growing tense beside me, "The Emperor is here?" Omega continued her task on the module regardless, "What? I didn't know." My hands trembled, sweat coating over them causing my grip on the blaster to loosen. An ache formed in the back of my head, traveling over my eyes. Could he sense me? Even with the resistors on, were they enough to combat the skills of a Sith Lord? I knew better than to think otherwise. Palpatine was more than likely aware of my presence here, whether I wanted to believe it or not. "Another reason why this was not the day to wing an escape," Crosshair grumbled.

   Omega sighed, "Thanks for the reminder, but I think we're past that point." I hated to agree with Crosshair, but he was right. This was the worst possible timing, and just my luck. Rustling hit my ears, breaking my momentary hysteria. My gaze flicked down to Crosshair's hands, the blaster gripped in them, trembling. Never in my many years of knowing him did I ever see him without a steady hand. His right hand gripped the blaster harder, the tremor subsiding. I looked away, down the corridor to my left. Everything today had brought was nothing but issues. The best, and probably only accurate shot had an issue, Palpatine was here, and we were still sitting in the middle of an open corridor.

   "Uh- oh," Omega muttered. My head snapped to her, "What is it?" She leaned in closer to the data pad, "All shuttles have been grounded, except the Emperor's. We have to steal it." The muscles in my back went rigid, "Absolutely not." Omega looked to me, her mouth opening. I gave her a hard glare to which she shut her jaw promptly. That was an even worse idea. She gasped, "Oh. Wait— I know a shuttle we can use. It crash-landed outside the perimeter back when I first came here." I raised a brow, her idea lost on me. Crosshair scoffed, "How does a crashed shuttle help us?" "If the comms are still functioning, we can contact Hunter and Wrecker," She smiled.

   "You know how to get outside?" I questioned, a subtle wave of relief washing over my rapid firing thoughts. Omega nodded, "Follow me." I let the two of them pass, sucking down a sharp breath before following after. Every one of my steps wracked my body, the blaster in my hands feeling heavier than ever. I was following after a traitor and a child, hoping that this last minute plan would work. I had little hope in this 'way out', but I wasn't going to just return to my cell. Something inside me was broken, I never would've given up so easily before. I felt normal, like my feelings weren't clouding my head in a suffocating manner. What would happen when the resistors were off?

   I filed into the turbo lift, finally letting one of my hands drop from the blaster. I let it hang at my side, pressing my hand to the wall for stability. Omega's small hand rested on my back, my gaze sliding over her. She gave me a reassuring look, her silence doing more than what words could. I looked up past her, Crosshair's eyes meeting mine momentarily. I ended it with a sharp glare, turning from the wall to stare at the door, cradling the blaster with both my hands again. We slowed, and the door opened, Crosshair shooting at the droid in the room before us. It dropped quickly, and I followed out, my hands unconsciously squeezing the blaster when Crosshair shot it once more.

   "Now what?" He sighed, the deafening noise of the hounds filling the space. Omega slid the data pad into another module on the wall, "We'll use the kennel chute. It leads outside, but it's protected by a timed ray shield. We'll have to move fast or we'll be trapped." I looked towards the barking hounds, sighing through my nose. "I can hardly wait," Crosshair grumbled. "We can use Batcher's empty kennel," Omega prompted. I looked back her, "Batcher?" She hummed, "One of the Lurca hounds. I tamed her, but.. I had to let her go." My brows furrowed, my gaze returning back to the not-so-tamable hounds. "Uh-huh.." I mumbled. "Be ready," Omega warned.

   The trap door to the only empty kennel slid open, Omega reaching for the data pad. "Omega," A voice spoke. I turned sharply, raising my blaster to the source. I stalled, my eyes rounding on Emerie. "Don't," Omega begged, turning to both Crosshair and I. "You should go back to your room," She reasoned, stepping forward. Crosshair's blaster raised, "You mean her cell?" Emerie frowned, looking over him, and then me. My hands gripped my blaster, shaking my head softly. "Miss Solis. You know what they'll do. You're not thinking clearly. Come with me, no one needs to know about this," She assured. I raised my blaster, my lips pulling tight, "Negative."

   "You're a clone like us, Emerie. Help us," Omega pleaded. My brows pressed down. She was a clone? She was willingly causing the suffering of hundreds of clones as one herself? My blood ran hot, my finger flipping on the stun. "Escape is not possible, Omega. This is for your own good," Emerie warned, her finger reaching for the homing device on her belt. I pulled the trigger, the blast hitting her just as the beacon was activated, her body collapsing to the ground. "We have to go," Crosshair demanded. I turned, walking over to the open chute, letting Omega in first. I followed after her, Crosshair on my tail as we ran through the chute. I held the blaster to my chest tight, sweat pricking my brow line.

   An alarm rang out overhead, the chute lights turning red. I glanced back, the ray shields beginning to flash up, the hair on my arms standing up. "The shield's not supposed to activate yet!" Omega yelled. My legs pumped harder, Crosshair catching up to me, "Move faster!" I wanted nothing more than to push him back into the chute, leaving him in there to be caught, but I focused on my own skin instead. The end of the cage came into view, the darkness of night cloaking the forest outside. Omega jumped out with me following after, Crosshair straight out behind me just as the chute door slammed shut. I tumbled, rolling down the hill.

   My blaster slipped from my hands, my palms taking the worst of the fall, sliding into a divot. Omega was a short ways away from me, and Crosshair slid right beside me. I grunted, pressing my hands to the ground to push myself up, hissing softly at the burn over my palms. My hands trembled slightly, my gaze moving up towards the sky. The air was clean, fresh and humid, not like the sterile environment I'd been stuck in for who knew how long. The trees were an opaque green color, and the stars shined bright next to the singular moon that hung in the sky. "What direction is the crashed shuttle?" Crosshair spoke, breaking the silence. "Not sure," Omega admitted.

   I tore my gaze away from the sky, looking back down at my hands. It didn't even matter, I was happy enough with this small victory. Crosshair groaned, "Great." My fingers curled into my palms, and despite the pain, my anger flared. "What's your problem? She got us out, why don't you come up with something," I growled, turning to face him. He didn't move, but Omega stepped in between us, giving me a pleading look. I didn't meet her gaze, "Answer me. All you've done so far is complain. Is a thank you so difficult for you to muster?" He turned to me, "I don't see you offering any help." The bands felt tighter. Omega pushed him back as he took as step forward, "Now isn't the time, guys. Please."

   I scoffed, shaking my head, "Pathetic as always." He glared but didn't argue back, turning away once more. The sky rumbled above, a ship cruising out from the facility into the sky. Crosshair took off towards it without another word, Omega taking off after him, casting me as glance. I sighed, swiping up my blaster from the ground and following after, ignoring the uncomfortable sensation of the metal on my wounds. I dodged the underbrush, keeping close pace on Omega as we moved deeper into the forest. My gaze snapped around, wary of everything around. I needed to get the bands off, but I was afraid of what might happened when they were.

   Could I control the overwhelming pressure the Force would have on me? Would there even be any side effects, drawbacks? This wasn't something I was familiar with, and I had never even heard of someone being restricted for so long. I felt blind without it, it was only a matter of time. Omega slowed to a stop, Crosshair halting just ahead. I walked up to her side, peering down at the data pad. "I'm picking up something. I think it could be the ship. That way," She pointed. Snarling could be heard in the distance, my shoulders tensing. "Oh, good. The killer hounds," Crosshair grumbled. I pushed Omega's shoulder forward, the three of us taking off once more.

   Omega was hard staring down at the data pad, tracking the beacon avidly. My heart stammered once more at another cry in the distance, and my legs burned. I had been chained to a wall for months, the effects of running was catching up quickly. I panted, sweat peeling down my temples and into my eyes. I was lightheaded, and exhausted, how much further could it possibly be? A sharp gasp ripped from Omega, her body tripping down into a small ditch. My feet slid to a stop, immediately moving for her. Crosshair was there before me, handing the data pad back to her and offering her help. I squinted at the notion, conflict swirling in my gut.

   A low growl rumbled out from behind me, the muscles in my back growing taut with tension. Omega and Crosshair looked up, and I slowly turned. A creature, much larger than us stood tall, its golden eyes seemingly glowing in the shroud of the forest. I stepped back, my hands gripping over the blaster hard. My neck had to crane back from the height it exhibited, all air leaving my lungs. "Can't you do something?" Crosshair hissed. "Crosshair," Omega snapped. My mouth gaped, my jaw trembling with fear. I couldn't do anything, that was the problem. I stepped back slowly once more, the creature roaring with fury. I winced, my heart hitting my feet.

   The snarling of the hounds grew loud, one by one each of them launching at the creature. The creature batted them away easily, but it was preoccupied now. "Let's go!" Crosshair ordered. He grabbed my arm, pulling me back and shoving me forward after Omega. I didn't resist, sprinting as hard as I could away from the ensuing fight. I stumbled over roots, was whipped by low hanging branches, but the adrenaline I felt burned hot. Everything was hot, my hands, my feet, my eyes, my blood. Everything burned with passion to get out— to get as far as possible. I wanted to hide away from the galaxy, keep the cuffs on to avoid the turmoil waiting for me. I was afraid. Afraid of the Empire, of Crosshair, of not escaping.

   I jogged slightly past the crashed shuttle as we reached it, letting the blaster hang at my left side while I leaned against the ship. My lungs were strained, burning for air I couldn't suck down fast enough. "Ugh! It's not— working!" Omega shouted, a loud clank coming from the inside of the shuttle. The sky rumbled, my gaze traveling up to the distant sound of an approaching transport. "They're coming," Crosshair announced. The two of them came to where I stood, and I crouched down, holding the blaster ready. Omega was tense beside me, "I'm sorry. I thought this would work." My brows softened, her defeat was heart wrenching.

   "You got us this far. And we're not done yet," Crosshair assured, his words unsteady. I blinked, looking to the sharpshooter. His eyes softened slightly, "Did they teach you plan seventy-two?" While I wasn't familiar with their plans, I was good a catching on. "Tech had me memorize all the plans," Omega confirmed. My jaw tensed at Tech's name, my breath cutting short. Crosshair sighed, "Of course he did." He knew. How much did he know? Did he know that I was the one holding Tech up? That it was me who inevitably let go of his own brother? Omega moved off, and I started after her, my feet stalling when he spoke,"I hope you know how to use that."

   I didn't reply, gripping my blaster to my stomach and jogging off from him. I tucked behind a tree a few away from Omega, my finger grazing over the trigger. Troopers touched down from the transport above one by one, slowly investigating the crashed transport in the clearing. My hand wound over the grip, my gaze checking each of them. A shot rang out, and I tried to search for where it came from. It came from us— from Crosshair. More blaster fire rang out from his position, and I took action, covering Omega while she snuck off towards the transport. I ducked behind another tree as Omega reached the line.

   "Stand down," Someone called out. My blaster immediately moved towards the voice, my finger pressing over the trigger. It went past him, and he turned towards me. I dove out of the way from his fire, my already scraped hands burning as they slid through the leaves. I huffed, raising my blaster at him once more but he was tackled by a hound. I got up to my feet, jogging down to Omega. "Batcher!" She exclaimed, the hound responding. Batcher took off, and I grabbed Omega, pulling her to the zip line. I waited until she was up before I took off again, raising my blaster once more. I shot a stun blast at a trooper I came up on, his body slumping.

   I slid around the crashed transport, peering around the corner and firing a string of blasts. Crosshair appeared from no where, ducking in beside me as I continued to lay down fire. I stepped back, narrowly avoiding a shot past my head, my back bumping into Crosshair. He grunted, "You're a terrible shot." I rolled my eyes, "Seems you're not much better." The transport above started to fire, causing the blaster fire at us to stall. Crosshair nudged me, and I followed, running around the crashed transport towards where Omega had hovered above. I tossed my blaster up, grabbing hold of the ramp and hauling myself up after Crosshair, running past Omega towards the turbo lift.

   It opened up into the belly, my feet carrying me straight to the pilots seat. I fell into it, bringing up the shields and pulling up the ramp. The ship groaned, my hands taking their place over the thrusters. I pulled back, the ship tilting up and soaring out of the treeline towards the skyline. My teeth gritted as I pushed the thrusters forward, the engine screaming as it picked up pace. The scanners trilled, four incoming craft and laser cannons were targeting our ship. The left thruster was hit, the shields failing to stay up. I sighed raggedly, "They're on us. I can't get them off!" I panted, my fingers multitasking on the dash to quell the multi-system failure.

   I broke through the atmosphere, typing in a set of coordinates in hyperspace. "How much longer?" Crosshair shouted. Omega came up beside me, looking over the mess. "Calculating," I growled, veering the ship out of the way of another string of fire. The scanners screamed, and then they went silent. I grabbed the hyperspace thruster, cranking it forward, taking off into hyperspace. I leaned back, my chest heaving from the overstimulation of events. Alarms blared out once again, the coupler going offline along with a multitude of other important things I didn't know how to fix. My hands burned, but they were smacking against every part of the control panel.

   Omega rushed off, seeing as Crosshair's sounds of annoyance were growing louder. I hissed through my teeth, recalibrating the stabilizers. "Get the stabilizers online!" Crosshair snapped. My teeth clenched, "That's what I'm trying to do!" The console sparked, and I jumped back, glaring at the technology. The ship shuttered, screaming as it was forced out of hyperspace towards a planet. "We have to land," Crosshair growled. I grabbed the thrusters, pulling back on them as we broke through the atmosphere way too quickly, "That's a little difficult when nothing is working!" We dove straight down, the console sparking up at my hands. I ignored the sting, planting my feet into the ground to pull back harder.

   I braced as we neared the ground, the ship just barely skimming the rough terrain before we hit directly. My head smacked back against the seat, the rock beneath us cracking as we slid. I grunted, my body lurching forwards into the thruster handles as we jolted to a stop. I groaned, soreness spreading over my abdomen immediately. Smoke filled the cabin, my hand pressing over my mouth to block out the thick air. I pressed the ejection button, the top shield popping off to supply me with fresh air. The system sparked once more, everything shutting down. I sighed, slowly pulling myself up to my feet. "This will take forever to repair," Omega muttered.

   "There's no time," Crosshair argued. I turned, the two of them making their way up to my seat. "We need to get the nav-reader online to extract the coordinates to Tantiss for when we go back," Omega reasoned. "We're not going back," Crosshair snapped. Omega frowned, "We left the other prisoners behind." I sighed, "Omega, the Empire will be searching for this ship. And us." I turned from the two, grabbing the side of the ship and sliding out. I huffed when my feet hit the ground, the soreness wracking through my body. Crosshair and Omega jumped down beside me, Crosshair brushing past and down the hill, "I scanned a spaceport a few clicks east. We'll start there."

   Omega sighed deeply beside me, and I placed a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at me, her eyes soft, "What about Jax?" My heart clenched, but there was nothing more I could do now. I exhaled through my nose, "I'll find him. Come on." Her gaze fell, and she began to walk down the hill after Crosshair, Batcher jumping out after her. My feet ached, but I pushed on, ignoring my need for rest. The walk was long, and the terrain was even worse. The frigid air bit through my clothes, sending bumps down my skin. This wasn't how I expected the day to go whatsoever. A town came into view shortly, and we waltzed in, taking alley ways and quieter streets.

   Crosshair stopped us at a junction, my gaze flicking over Imperial troopers. "They couldn't have followed us that quickly," Omega muttered. "They didn't. That's a standard patrol presence," Crosshair corrected. Of course he knew, how could I have forgotten his past experience with the enemy? I rolled my eyes, folding my arms over my chest. "Okay.. So, let's find a way to contact Hunter and Wrecker," Omega prompted. Crosshair shook his head, "We can't. They monitor long range comms." I peered around him, watching the troopers strut down another street. "Then we'll have to figure out something else," I mumbled, glancing around.

   Crosshair began to walk out, but Omega reached out, pulling him back, "Wait. We can't walk around like this. We'll draw too much attention." He scoffed, "You're the one who wanted to bring the hound." Batcher whined, my gaze moving down to said hound. Omega pat her on the head, "Don't listen to him. Come on." Omega took off into the street, Batcher taking off after her happily. I sighed, rounding Crosshair and after Omega. The side street she led us on was filled with clothes lines, and she was already grabbing. I walked past her, my fingers brushing over a few items before I grabbed off a pair of black pants, a cowl, and a dark blue jacket.

   I tossed the items down, sitting down on a crate to slip off my boots. My hands burned as I rolled up the new pants, slipping them on over my grey ones. I tucked my boots into my pants, standing up and pulling them the rest of the way on. I slid on the jacket and adjusted the cowl over my head, looking around the alley. I rolled my sleeve up on my right arm, looking down at the thin glowing band. I needed to take them off, but the consequences could be dire. I looked around, looking for anything to pry at it. There was virtually nothing, and my frustration only grew deeper. "What is that?" He questioned.

   I tugged down my sleeve, snagging a pair of fingerless gloves off the line. I gingerly shoved my hands into them, "Nothing." He scoffed, his footsteps traveling away. I contained the urge to sock him in the face, slowly pulling on the other glove. I turned back to the entrance of the alley, only to see Crosshair re-approach with a knife. My eyes rounded, stepping back instinctively. He stopped, his eyes only visible in what he chose to steal. There was no warfare going on, and seeing him with a weapon held me in an uncomfortable chokehold. He grabbed the blade between his fingers, holding out the handle to me.

   I looked down at it, then back up at his eyes, slowly reaching for the handle. I took it gently, stepping back from him. I turned sideways from him, pulling up my left sleeve. The skin around the bands was red, irritated from the constant rubbing they did. They were tight, and I wasn't even sure they could come off. I sucked in a slow breath, moving the blade to the band, wedging it between my skin and the metal. The blade was cold, sending chills up my already cold body. My hand protested against the grip on the handle, the knife shaking. I couldn't do it. I was afraid of feeling everything again. I wasn't strong enough to handle it.

   A hand reached out and pulled the knife from me, my wrist dropping. I stepped back from him, my hand gently wrapping around my wrist. "Let me see," He muttered. My gaze moved up to his eyes, "I'm not sure I trust you with a knife near my skin." His minimally visible features tightened, "I shot at your foot and it's still there." My lips pulled downwards, my gaze averting from his. He stepped towards me again, taking my wrist from my hand. I winced when he wedged the knife in between my skin and the metal, my brows knitting, "Wait." He didn't move, but his annoyance was clear. I wanted the silence just one last time.

   His gloved fingers were warm, but they felt wrong on my skin. They burned, like the fiery hatred for him that resided in me. It was an odd moment of peace between us though, and I wouldn't take it for granted. He never been attending before, but times were desperate even for us. I let out a slow breath, marginally nodding my head to him. His grip on my arm tightened as he maneuvered the knife through, avoiding pressing the sharp edges to my skin. He moved it half way down, the end pressing to my burning palm. "Ready?" He asked, his eyes flicking up to mine. I swallowed, looking away. He pushed the knife against the band, and it snapped.

   My chest flooded with weight, my conscious heavy once again. The usual soft whisper of the Force was loud, swirling through my head in a flurry. My fingers twitched, my lungs constricting. Everything was so loud, so many feelings and no where for them to go. I felt everything in my body, the tingle in my spine flaring with ice instead of warmth. The skin where the band once squeezed was bruised, and looking at it filled me with rage. The anger I tired so hard to stomach was overwhelming, begging to be released. I couldn't, but everything I had been subjected to fueled that pit inside me. Crosshairs grip tightened, pulling me towards him.

   "Give me the other one," He grumbled. The worst of it was over, I would figure out how to manage it with time. If it was even possible to manage. He let go of my arm, reaching for the other. I stepped back, my right hand cradling my left one, "No.. I can do it." He scoffed, "Give it." I met his eyes, and felt everything in them for once. Not from behind a helmet, not from across a room. I felt it all. The irritation he held looking at me, the confusion at my reaction, the loathing he'd always had for me. He didn't care what ailed me, he wanted strength in numbers, and without my strength, I was just another body to follow along. He grabbed my other wrist, yanking up my sleeve.

   He was quicker this time, the blade sliding through and popping open the seam, the second cuff falling to the ground. I pulled my arm from his grasp, my fingers wrapping around my now free wrist. I massaged the area gently, my breath hitching at the relief I felt. "Now, let's go," He grumbled, turning away from me. My eyes moved after him, the pit in my stomach twisting. Still as closed off as ever, but his irritation was at a boiling point. I didn't protest, tugging down my sleeves and walking after him. Omega was in the opening, pulling a hat over her head. She turned to us, smiling, "Better, right?" "No," Crosshair growled. Batcher nudged my thigh, my gaze falling on the hound.

   Her loyalty ran deep, and she sensed my aura. She was nervous under her burly appearance, which was why she offered solace to me. We felt the same. I ran my fingers over her head, letting her life force soothe my aching soul. I felt a rumbled in my spine, looking up to the sky. A shuttle passed over a few moments later, heading south from our position. "The spaceport is that way," I affirmed, taking my hand from Batcher's hand and walking past them. It felt better that I didn't have to use my eyes, the intentions of the civilians an open book to me. Omega jogged up to my side, glancing up at me silently. I looked down to her, my brows pressing down.

   "Did you get them off?" She whispered. My brows raised slightly, my eyes moving back to the direction we were moving in. I nodded marginally, her relief flooding the space between us. Her hand found mine, my gaze snapping to her once more. She gave me a gentle smile, my shock melting away. My fingers laced through hers, and despite the burn over my palm, I squeezed. She stayed close as we walked through the streets, her tension rising and falling with every trooper we passed by. We weren't even gaze upon, a gentle squeeze for every time she felt nervous. When the spaceport came into view, I guided her over near the wall, Crosshair stopping in front of us.

   I glanced past him into the spaceport, my gaze traveling over the activity. I counted twelve troopers, felt six more. I sighed, "We'll never get past them undetected." Crosshair grunted, "I can take out at least half of them before they realize what's happening." Omega shifted to look at him, "Or, we could try a way that doesn't involve blaster fire." Crosshair sighed, "Like what?" Her hand slid out of mine, "Watch and learn." She walked off towards the attendant, my chest deflating slightly. I walked after her, Batcher rubbing up to my thigh again. She waved to the attendant, and I stopped behind her, Crosshair stopping on my left.

   "Hello. My parents and I need three tickets on the next shuttle, please," She asked. Every ounce of blood in my body went cold, my eyes widening on Omega. Crosshair's discomfort was loud, and he shifted slightly beside me. The attendant looked up, "Chain codes?" Of course. My gaze lifted up enough to look at the attendant. Omega glanced back as both of us, "About that. We lost our chain codes." "No chain codes. No passage," The attendant affirmed, waving us off. My eyes narrowed, Batcher growing tense beside me. "You see, a problem for us could be an opportunity for you, if, say, you knew of an alternate way," Omega pressed, rubbing her fingers together.

   The attendant folded her arms over the desk, leaving down, "Are you insinuating that I take a bribe?" My fingers twitched, the air around me thickening. Batcher nudged my thigh, but my gaze didn't fall from the attendant. "If that's what you'd like to call it," Omega replied. My hands clenched, my chest compressing. The anger wound tight around my thoughts, the interaction feeling too tense. "I do.. for fifteen thousand credits," The attendant responded. My glared hardened, and I stepped forward. Crosshair's hand wrapped around my bicep, my body halting. "For three tickets?" Omega exclaimed. "Per ticket. And it's nonnegotiable. You're lucky I'm not charging extra for the creature," The attendant growled.

   Crosshair's grip was tight, and warning practically radiated off of him. "Don't be stupid," He whispered. I glanced sideways at him, Omega's arguing still going on behind my focus on Crosshair. He wasn't making it any better, in fact, I wanted to kick him for even touching me in the first place. Omega finally backed off, Crosshair steering me away from the attendant. I shoved off his hand when we got far enough, my hands clenching at my sides. My palms burned at the movement, and my focus was scattered. "Storming the spaceport would be easier than finding forty-five thousand credits," Crosshair grumbled. Omega sighed, "I don't want to hurt anyone."

   I stopped in my tracks, turning to look at her, "We don't really have an option anymore, Omega. Every second we're here, we're at risk." Her eyes sparked with shock at my words, and my brows softened. I looked away from her, swallowing down the boiling rage I felt within. The door to the cantina slid open, two troopers stepping out. They passed by us, their life forces whispering softly. "I think I know how to make some fast credits," Omega prompted. She walked towards the door, and I followed after, rolling my eyes at Crosshair's grumbling. I was hit with the thick scent of death sticks and booze, chatter filling the space in the semi-occupied space.

   I felt a few sets of eyes rove over me, my jaw clenching as I followed after Omega closely. She sat down at a booth, and I slid in beside her, Crosshair sitting on her right. I followed her eyes, watching two patrons engage in Sabacc. Crosshair scoffed, "You want to hustle someone?" "I've done it before, and I prefer to think of it as a temporary requisition of funds," Omega implied. Cid's influence hadn't diminished yet, apparently. "And bet with what? We don't have anything," Crosshair questioned. Omega's voice held a smile, "They don't know that." "And if you lose?" Crosshair remarked. Omega sighed, "Well.. I guess we'll be in more trouble."

   I moved over, letting her slide out from the booth and walk towards the table. I rested my hands over the table, letting out a long breath. The opponent laughed at her, but ultimately let her sit down to play. The weight on my chest worsened, my fingers lacing together to form some sort of pressure on them. Batcher crawled under the table, nuzzling my boots and resting her head over them, the weight grounding me. "What's your issue?" Crosshair grumbled. My shoulders tensed, but I chose not to respond. He kissed his teeth, "Ignoring me now?" My jaw clenched, "What do you expect me to say?"

   He leaned over the table, his eyes peering at mine, "You have that look on your face." My brows furrowed, "What look? Discomfort? Yeah, that tends to happen when a murderer is sitting next to you." He didn't bristle, but his gaze hardened. I felt his blood rush, his irritation and heart rate rising. "You have that same look from Adari," He commented. My eyes snapped to his, my lips trembling. He knew nothing of what happened there. Who was he to even bring up the past when he was nothing but cruel in it? My spine tingled, my eyes ripping from his entrancing gaze. I pinched them shut, ducking my chin into my chest.

   The tingle disbanded at the base of my skull just as quickly as it came, receding down my spine. I couldn't source it, and his smothering presence had caused that. I sighed, looking to my hands, the warmth returning to them. I felt Omega's gaze wash over me, concern emitting from her. I raised my fingers, silently waving her down. It looked like she had won a decent an amount, the Trandoshian across from her fuming. Crosshair's glare hadn't subsided, watching me intently. "You're still upset," He affirmed. I scoffed, "You nearly killed me." "You pulled a ceiling down on me," He snapped. I rolled my eyes, "I missed."

   He leaned back into the seat, "Get over yourself." My head snapped in his direction, "Get over myself?" He didn't reply, which only made me angrier. "You betrayed them. You betrayed everyone," I hissed out. His hands clenched over his arms, his aura becoming guarded. I scoffed, "Did Teloth finally show you that the Empire was a farce? That they kill people for wanting freedom?" His gaze slowly moved over to mine, enraged and filled with fire. I hummed, sitting back, "Did you finally see how much of a monster you are?" The tension radiating off of him was enough to fill the cantina itself, but I felt a weight lift from my shoulders at voicing my thoughts to him.

   I opened my mouth to dish out another insult to him, but a sharp pain flushed over the base of my spine. I let out a wavering breath, ducking my head down again to try and quell the sensation. Crosshair's aggression all but vanished, confusion settling in the space between us. "What? What is it?" He whispered. The fire trickled up into the base of my neck, my head filling with confusion. Deception. So much of it. But it wasn't surrounding Crosshair, it was all around us, on world, somewhere. Batcher whined from under the table, Crosshair growing rigid beside me. I felt him grow closer, his eyes on me alone. His hand rested beside mine, and I could feel the heat radiate from him.

    "Now isn't the time for your Jedi tricks," He murmured. "Shut up," I hissed. He sat back, his fingers curling into a fist, "Then talk." I glared at him, "I don't owe you an explanation." He released a slow exhale, "I'm being very patient with you right now." His tone travelled all the way through my body, bumps rushing over every inch of my skin. He was someone to fear, someone that I knew wouldn't hesitate to kill me in other circumstances. Even after laying him out about Teloth, it didn't seem to matter anymore. My words didn't matter, he was too cold to be truly affected. "Door," I whispered. His eyes moved past me just as it opened, three suffocating presences entering.

   He cursed under his breath, leaning over the table and clearing his throat to catch Omega's attention. I glanced sideways at the Imperial and his two troopers, watching them cross the room towards the bar top. Omega glanced up at us nervously, finishing her game and picking at the credits. My fingers rolled over the table top, my anxiety rising. The officer strode over to her table, my hands pressing flat to get up. Crosshair cleared his throat, my eyes moving over him. He shook his head, one of his fingers raising, "Let her handle it." Batcher slid out from under the table, a low growl emitting from her. She was reacting off of my anxiety, and I couldn't stop it.

   I felt helpless watching the two engage in a game, Batcher's snarling and Crosshair's tension clouding my judgement. I didn't have a plan out of this, or if we could even get out of this. The man who sat before her was slimy, his greed sickened me. I couldn't hear what conversation was being had, but Omega pointed to Batcher and then the door. Crosshair sighed beside me, standing up and waving Batcher on, leading her out of the cantina. Cheering erupted around, my eyes snapping back to Omega. The officer was conceited, and his gloating radiated from his large pores. Crosshair slid back down into the seat beside me, "What happened?"

   I sighed, "Ego." He grunted, the two of us refocusing on the game. I felt out Omega's process, she was scheming. She had this game concluded before it even started. She placed down a set of cards, spreading them out with a smirk. The cantina erupted into applause and shock, Omega securing the win. I slid out from the seat, glancing to the door momentarily. I felt a tug on my chest, but it subsided just as quickly as it appeared. Crosshair passed behind me, watching the officer's next move. He was embarrassed but conceded anyway, sliding over the stack of credits to her side. She swiped them into her sack, walking towards us.

   The troopers walked towards the officer, exchanging a set of words I couldn't hear, but the feeling it gave me was uneasy. I grabbed Omega's hand, pulling her ahead of me. "Now, hang on a minute," The officer interrupted. I went stiff, turning my body and stepping just partially in front of her. The officer chuckled, "We're not done here. You haven't paid your fine." Omega let go of my hand, stepping past me, "What fine?" "Gambling's illegal in these parts," The officer remarked, a smirk sliding onto his lips. "What?" Crosshair growled, stepping forward. Omega grabbed his arm, keeping him from making a dumb decision. His thoughts were loud now, his stance portraying the thoughts he held.

   "The law is the law. Now, all you gotta go is pay the fine. And I'll be on my way," He gestured to the trooper walking up, his hands brandishing an open case of credits. "How much?" Omega asked. The officer fumbled with a credit, "Ten-thousand credits. Unless— you prefer to be arrested instead." My teeth ground together, the pit in my gut swirling with anger. Omega stepped forward, scooping the credits out of her sack and into the case, my hand immediately grabbing her arm and pulling her back. "Excellent. Consider your fine paid in full. Try to stay out of trouble," He spoke, pinching the brim of his cap and nodding to us. He walked off, the troopers flanking him, the chatter in the cantina rising once again.

   "How many credits do we have left?" Crosshair asked. Omega sifted through her sack, counting through the credits, "Fifty thousand. Enough for three tickets and a little extra." She flipped it closed, my hand grazing over her shoulder to lead her out before me, Crosshair following. As we stepped outside, I rolled my shoulders, trying to release the tension in them. "Crosshair, where's Batcher?" Omega asked. I looked back to her, then around, the hound no where in sight. "Oi. You lookin' for that hound?" A small voice perked up. I turned, glaring down at the small boy. More deception. "You know where she went?" Omega begged. The boy crossed his arms, "Sure do, but the answers gonna cost you. Ten thousand credits."

   Crosshair sighed, stepping up to the boy, "I'm getting tired of this." The boy flinched, raising his hands and backing away, "Okay, okay. Five, but that's my final offer." For once, I was ready to let Crosshair explode on someone, even if it was just a child. Omega stepped towards the boy, scooping out the credits and handing them forward. The boy took them, gazing over them in awe. "That Imperial officer and his troopers snatched the creature and headed for the cargo docks. Down that way," He pointed, my gaze drifting off in the direction. "Nice doin' business with ya!" He shouted, running off from us. I released a sigh, looking down at Omega.

   She looked heartbroken, walking off in the direction of where we were pointed in without word. "Omega," Crosshair started, causing Omega to turn. "You heard him. Batcher's this way," She spoke. "And the spaceport is that way. Forget the hound. We have to get off this planet," Crosshair argued. A wave of irritation came off Omega, "We never would've escaped without Batcher. I'm not leaving her." Crosshair rolled his eyes, "You're making a mistake." "I'm not abandoning her!" She frowned, tossing the bag to him, "If you wanna go, then go. I'll find my own way." She turned, eyes pricking with tears and taking off, leaving Crosshair and I behind.

   I started after her, but stopped, glancing back at him as he scoffed. "You, too?" He muttered. "Some things are just that important," I shot back, taking off after Omega. I followed her Force signature, the heavy feeling of sadness and concern leading the way. The route was long, half way across the now slowing city. The tug on my heart told me there was more agony where I was headed, my head rushing with sorrow. That's when the sounds of various creatures hit my ears, my feet slowing to a walk. Omega was trying to climb the high fence, her frustration loud. I walked towards her, clearing my throat, "Need some help?" She turned, smiling, "Ashla."

   My spine tingled, glancing over my shoulder at the approaching figure. He grumbled at my brows raising, "Fine. But my skills are being wasted." Omega immediately brightened, "Noted." Crosshair nodded his head to the fence, and I pushed myself up onto the crate beside her. He offered her a leg up, hoisting her over the fence, allowing her to descend the other side. I grabbed the bars, my hands protesting. He cleared his throat, offering his hands. I looked down at them, and then back to his eyes, my lips pulling into a tight line. I focused my energy in my feet, launching myself up to the top of the fence, swinging my legs over.

   I landed quietly on the other side, casting him a sideways glance, "No thanks." He rolled his eyes, passing the sack through and into my hand, climbing over as well. I handed the bag to Omega, following after her in between two cargo crates. Crosshair appeared behind me, passing a blaster to me. I grabbed it, inwardly wincing at the pressure on my palms. I sighed, nudging Omega to give her the go ahead. She moved forward, the three of us sliding in between another set of crates. I shut my eyes, searching for the familiar presence of the hound. She was worried, her whines hitting my ears as I opened my eyes. I pointed, "There."

   The crate beside us rustled, the creature inside it stressing. My brows softened, its sorrow pressing over my consciousness. I brought my hand up, placing it over the side of the crate, feeling the beast behind it. "Shouldn't we free the other animals, too?" Omega questioned. "Don't push it," Crosshair mumbled. I felt angry for the beast, a low growl emitting from it. It shared my wrath, fed off of it. I let my hand slip off, my jaw pinching. Crosshair moved ahead of me after Omega, and I shortly followed, casting the crate one last glance. I cradled the blaster, jogging around the corner and into between the gate way, stopping behind Crosshair.

   "I thought you'd come searching for your mutt. Yeah, unfortunately for you, Lau has a very strict pet policy," Someone called out. Troopers blocked us from the front, the officer from earlier toying with a credit. I stiffened, looking behind me as the handlers blocked us in from behind, their electro-staffs sparking. "No license means a hefty fine," He chuckled. I raised my blaster at the handlers, slowly backing up to Crosshair's side. "How much this time?" Omega pressed. I looked over my shoulder, watching the officer approach us. "How 'bout you give me all my money back? Credits won't do you any good when Hemlock shows up," He threatened, "He offered a pretty penny for your Jedi, over there."

   My hands slackened from the blaster, letting it hang at my right side. My hearing hazed over, my mind shutting down. Logical and rational thinking left, rage rooting itself in place of my plausible senses. "Did you think I wouldn't piece it together when I found that crashed shuttle? Nothing gets by me. I run this town. Now hand over the credits and surrender," The officer growled out. The blaster fell from my hand, hitting the ground beside me. I could feel Crosshair's gaze rove over me, his confusion setting in. My lips trembled, my hands curling into fists at my sides. Realization passed over him, his aura tensing.

   "Let's try things your way," Omega muttered. My breathing deepened, my feet parting in preparation. "Finally," He growled. When he shot, I pressed my hands out, shoving the handlers back into the wall with the Force. They hit the ground hard, all four of them disabled. I glanced back at Crosshair, his eyes searching my features. "Don't do anything stupid," He muttered. I turned from him, running around the back of the crate away from the fire fight. I scooped up one of the electro-staffs, pressing my legs harder. I slid around the crate, flicking my hand out to shove a trooper into it, his armor cracking from the force. I moved based on rage, based on pain.

   The feeling was familiar, the same way Teloth had made me feel when I lost the padawan, and then Jax. I was angry, I had every right to be. But there would be consequences for my anger. I spun the staff in my hand, charging out from cover. The doors to all the crates in the cargo deck opened, hundreds of creatures springing from their confines. They were fearful, desperate to flee the treachery they were forced into. I let it fuel me, dropping down to slide across the ground to avoid fire. I spun the staff in front of me, each end catching a blaster bolt and knocking it away. I shoved my left hand out, the Force wrapping around a trooper and pulling him towards me. My hand hit his chest plate, and I used him as a shield against the blaster fire.

   An animal rushed past me, jumping into the traffic. It wiped the remaining troopers, its yellow eyes tracking over me. I shoved the trooper away, the creature growling low as I passed by it, its body brushing against the back of my thighs as it took off once more. It filled me with undeniable power, a hunger I didn't know was there. My eyes locked on one individual laid out in the middle of the yard, his arms covering his pathetic form. My fingers gripped the staff tighter, my feet slowly carrying me towards him. His whimpering was pitiful, his large form trembling in fear. Animals flew past us, rounding me as I stopped near him.

   He looked up from his arms, reaching for his discarded blaster. I flicked my fingers at it, sending it sliding away. He glared, sitting up slightly, "You're a Jedi! You can't attack me!" My eyes lifted to the large crate behind him, my fingers pointing to it. My middle and pointer curled upwards, the mechanism sliding apart. He looked back, his fear overrunning my senses. I flicked my fingers to the side, the doors swinging open. His gaze snapped back to me, wide and pleading. I met it with a dead stare, exhaling slowly through my nose. The creature in the crate behind him screeched, causing him to flinch. "I'm no Jedi," I admitted.

   A long limb surged out of the crate, wrapping around his leg. He yelped, the creature dragging his body back, his yelling echoing off the walls. The feeling satisfied me. He was getting what he deserved, and the creature was getting its revenge. I flicked my fingers once again, shutting the crate door. My arm was abruptly grabbed, my gaze snapping to the aggressor. Crosshair stared down at me, wide eyed and frantic, "We need to go." The haze that coated my senses melted away, my mouth unable to form a response. He didn’t wait, tugging me along through the chaos of the cargo deck. He pushed me ahead of him behind a crate, firing a string of blaster fire into the opening.

   My heart raced, the pounding of my blood in my ears deafening. He looked back to me, his eyes screaming a million words. I understood none of it behind his shields, swallowing my tongue as I forced myself to look away. His hand found my arm again, tugging me through the crate stack and out the back, pulling me towards a transport. My legs screamed, they were sore and felt like jelly from the amount of running we’d done. My body crashed into the lifting ramp, my arms spreading out for a grip. His hands moved to my legs, pushing me up with ease. I rolled over, grasping his arm and tugging him up, allowing him to pull on me yet again to retreat into the shuttle.

   He ushered me into the cockpit, and I took the seat beside Omega, immediately running the take off sequence. I panted, my fingers moving wildly over the dash, “Omega, calibrate—” “Already on it,” She confirmed, running the stabilizers. I grabbed the thruster handles, bringing them up to position. I pulled back, the ship lifting with a groan. I turned slowly, my trembling hands gripping the thrusters harder. Once we cleared the highest structure, I lurched the handles forward, the ship taking off towards the skyline. The ship rumbled, its weight drawing back the speed, but nothing was on the scanners.

   I tapped in a hyperspace sequence, letting the nav calculate as I pushed through the atmosphere. The dash trilled, Omega reaching over and cranking the hyperdrive forward, the ship whirring up and blasting into hyperspace. I let out a short breath, releasing the handles and falling back into my seat. I felt Omega’s eyes on me, her concern underlining her relief. We were free. We made it off world in one piece. I stood to my feet, rounding the seat and walking out of the cockpit. I stood in the belly for a moment, just staring at the back end of the ship. Everything had quieted. My thoughts were quiet, the ship was quiet. The Force was quiet.

   I looked down at my hands, my fingers twitching. I had done something terrible, again. Just like what happened on Teloth, I did on Lau. I let my anger consume me, my need for revenge take control. I fed off other beings anger and fear, using it as my own and vise versa. I inadvertently took a life out of hate. My hands stung again, numbness spreading over the abused skin beneath. My mind felt dry, weakened by my overuse of the Force. Exhaustion seeped into my bones from the constant stress we’d been under. I slumped into a seat, slowly pulling the gloves from my hands, tossing them onto the ground at my feet.

   The skin was raw, the small cuts and scrapes secreting a clear layer of liquid. I grimaced at the foul sight, leaning forward on my thighs. The door opened, my gaze flicking sideways to Crosshair. I didn’t speak, merely looking back down to the floor, ignoring him. I didn’t know how to feel about him. He helped, more than I thought he would. He sacrificed getting on a ship to freedom for Omega, just because she said she was gonna go a different way. He cared about her, and I didn’t know how that made me feel. I never knew him to be capable of caring about anyone but himself, with the exception of his brothers, but something about him had changed.

   Whether it was because of Tantiss or what he’d seen while he was an Imperial soldier, he picked his side. He betrayed the Empire, just like he betrayed the Republic. His feet stopped a short distance from me, my gaze lifting to his hands. He held out a small pack of bacta, my brows furrowing softly. I looked up to his face, then away. “I don’t need it,” I murmured. He grunted, “I wasn’t asking.” He placed it on the seat beside me, his eyes roving over my hands before he turned away. He walked off towards the cockpit, glancing back at me, “We land in five.” The door hissed open, and he disappeared inside, leaving me alone once again.

   I glanced over to the bacta, an exhale leaving my lips. I grabbed it, cranking the top open to pop the seal, shaking it. I held it back from my left hand, spraying over my palm generously, the cool sensation sending a jolt through me. It soothed the burn, numbing the pain down into a dull thrum. I repeated my action for my other hand, leaning back against the seat. I felt the ship shutter, dropping out of hyperspace. Anxiety flared in my gut. I worried about what was next. I had suffered for months, just to fail my initial objective. Jax was still gone, and I was worse off than before. The darkness clawed at me in the back of my mind, whispering promises of power.

   I didn’t want power, I never had. But now, it was all I could think about. If I was stronger, I could destroy what had broke me, make those who harmed others suffer for their wrong doings. My hand grabbed at the top of the cowl, ripping it clean off my head. My hair felt disgusting, greasy and dry. I felt even worse than I surely looked. The ship groaned, teetering as it touched the ground. Pain. There was so much pain. How could I face Hunter and Wrecker after how I left them? Tech was still dead, and I was the cause of it. the door slid open, Omega and Batcher walking out. “Ashla?” Omega questioned. I cleared my throat, looking up at her, “Go on.”

   She nodded, walking past me. She hesitated, glancing back at me. I sat up, my brows furrowing in question. She charged at me, her arms wrapping around my neck tight. I huffed quietly, slowly wrapping my arms around her back. She sighed, the tension in her body receding. She slowly pulled back, swiping a stray tear from her cheek. I frowned, “Omega..” She shook her head, “You’re a good person. Please stay.” I shook my head, “Omega, I don’t understand—” “Never leave. Okay?” She pleaded, her eyes cresting with water again. I shut my mouth, nodding softly to her. She gave me a nod in return, Batcher following after her to the gangplank.

   The ramp whirred, and the two of them exited, leaving me in silence. “Still here?” Crosshair grumbled. I looked up at him, pushing myself to my feet. “Just preparing,” I mumbled. He scoffed, “For what? They like you.” My shoulders tensed. I hadn’t actually seen the two since what happened on Eriadu, I had only seen Echo, and for a moment at that. I turned to the ramp, sucking in a slow breath. “You’ll be fine,” He grumbled, resignation in his voice. My head turned slightly, “So will you.” His walls wavered at my words, his Force signature disturbed. I walked off from him, slowly easing down the steps. Across the way was the Marauder, a ship I hadn’t seen in far too long.

   Hunter and Wrecker were fawning over Omega, the sight warming my chest. Hunter looked up, shock filling his features. Then it was guarded, his eyes passing me. I glanced back at Crosshair, his eyes meeting mine. He was afraid, and he very well should be. Hunter had every right to shoot him down for what he’d done. He stopped behind me, his right hand flinching. I looked away, swallowing hard and walking forward. Wrecker charged at me, a soft smile forming on my lips as he scooped me up into his arms. He spun me around, laughing, “Aw! There’s our Jedi!” My hands gripped his shoulders, my lungs screaming for air.

   “Alright, put her down,” Hunter warned. Wrecker set me on my feet, my hands lingering before I looked to Hunter. His eyes were sorrowful, but a soft smile pulled at his lips. My hands dropped from Wrecker, Hunter reaching out for my shoulder, pulling me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around him, sighing into his embrace. “Good to see you too, Sergeant,” I murmured into his chest. He stepped back, squeezing my shoulder. “I thought you said you were coming to find me, General,” A voice called out. I looked past Hunter to the gangplank of the Marauder. My breath caught in my chest, my eyes immediately burning.

   A smile pulled at his lips, and he slowly walked down the gangplank. I stepped forward, my jaw agape, relief washing over me. He stopped in front of me, and the tears fell loose. “Jax,” I whimpered, tossing my arms around his neck. His arms slowly wrapped around me, and my tears soaked his shoulder. He rubbed my back soothingly, his own body tensing with unspoken feelings. I sobbed, truly sobbed for everything that had happened in leading up to try and recover him. I was okay. Jax was here. I was free.

   We were safe.

Chapter Text

   Waking up in a bed versus chained to a wall would take some getting use to. Sleeping would take some getting use to. Everything would take some getting use to. For how long I had been in a cell by myself, I hadn't taken the initiative to interact with anyone outside of my hut. I hardly left my hut, spending most days in bed, staring at the ceiling. I was stuck in between, warring with myself on the trauma I so obviously needed to address. The vultures were back, circling over my hut, always waiting for me to step outside. They didn't frighten me as much as they did before, but I suppose I had found greater things to fear since then. Myself, the top contender.

   Jax had been patient, checking on me once a day, brief conversation passing between us before I made the excuse to lock myself away. He didn't deserve that, and every time I did push him away, his exterior cracked. We weren't the same people as we once were, but that was to be expected. He'd been on Tantiss, too, granted, only a month, but he went through hell just in those thirty days. Hemlock hadn't lied, in fact, Jax had been transported off Tantiss the day we arrived in Ord Mantel. Hemlock knew I would fold, he got that information from Jax. He was one step ahead, and I let my feelings get in the way.

   I didn't regret suffering in Jax's place. How could I? Jax had done nothing but remain loyal up until Palpatine ordered the clones to kill the Jedi. Even then, it hadn't been his choice. It was none of their choices. Except in certain circumstances. I hadn't attempted to speak to Crosshair, and not just because I had confined myself to my hut, but because I simply didn't want to. Our temporary partnership flourished for the sake of escaping, plain and simple. I wouldn't deny that it was difficult— trying to accept him back into a place where we had built something safe, but I wouldn't deter his brothers from getting him back.

   They deserved to rebuild that broken relationship after losing Tech just to find him. Now, more than ever, it felt like I didn't belong. I had different affairs, a more difficult situation. I would remain hunted, now, with the information of my escape from Tantiss. The Empire would never stop, I would be a fool to shroud myself in the false sense of security Pabu offered. Where could I go? Rex wasn't an option anymore, and though he hadn't had the time to come and see me, he wasn't naive. I would actually have to remain hidden, to be cautious of my actions. I hated hiding at one point, but now, it was all I wanted to do.

   That's why I was shoving my boots on at half past one in the morning, preparing for a walk. I could avoid unnecessary conversation, if I went out at ungodly hours of the morning, and still be freed of my personal prison. The air was chilled, still humid from the ocean, but bearable. The stars still hung bright in the sky, cradling the moon in a silent embrace. Not even the moon-yo's were hooting, the entire island remained at peace. The vultures followed, but their cries were distant, swirling in the back of my head. I missed the peace I had on Tantiss, how my mind was silent and light. My consciousness was heavy, dragging me down into a nonstop cycle of overthinking.

   Anxiety. Ptsd. I had gained the two from my time during the war, but the fear had come after. I carried them with me at all times, whether I wanted to or not. It gave me a small amount of semblance, it kept me human, it kept me sane. It would be wrong to have not been effected by such tragedy. Death had become so normalized. The entire galaxy had been so shaken by the war, that when victory was on the horizon, we missed important developments. The Sith had been dead for one thousand years, and now there was one ruling. It was still a fact I couldn't wrap my head around, along with how much time had passed. An entire year and a half since I was sentenced to death.

   The gravel crunched beneath my boots, breaking through the deafening silence of the village. It was odd to see it so quiet, since it was anything but. I hated the silence, with it, my mind spoke too freely. I wondered if things could truly go back to normal. As normal as they could be. If I could find my place in the galaxy, put down my past as a Jedi and accept that nothing was ever going to be the same. Every time the thought passed over me, it filled me with nausea. The Jedi were gone. The Republic was dismantled. Hope was a construct— a far fetched one. Everyone I knew was dead, and I was left here to pick up the pieces.

   The cliff didn't offer me anything I didn't already know I'd get, just the familiarity of it. It still overlooked the bay, and the moon continued to mock me. It sat up there, free of burden, free of regret, all while looking elegantly unbothered. The water was at high tide, the waves crashing against the rocks below the plummet of the ridge. I was living in the past, always trying to find something to go back to. I hated change, maybe that's why I had been subpar at being a General. I wasn't built for change, I appreciated simplicity. My life was always changing now, too much for me to keep up with. I wish I had guidance. I wish someone could tell me what I had to do to move on.

   "It's nice up here," A voice spoke from behind me. My head whipped around, my eyes landing on Jax. My shoulders sagged slightly once I realized there wasn't any true threat. I nodded, "What are you doing awake?" He huffed, walking towards me, easing himself down onto the ground beside me, "I should be asking you that." I gave him a look, tugging my knees up to my chest. Avoidance. I hadn't been a very good friend to him. I looked back out to the bay, letting the silence swallow me up. "Talk to me. Please," He pleaded gently. A weight bore down on my chest at his tone, my jaw clenching. Talk about what? It felt wrong to be vulnerable in front of him of all people.

   I rolled my shoulders back, "I'm not sure what you want me to say." "Anything," He whispered desperately. My gaze flicked to him, meeting his sorrowful features. I had never seen so much in his eyes, he was always the strong one of us. He shook his head at my silence, looking away. "You ask me to call you by a name that isn't yours, you shut us out, you obviously don't sleep— and you sit here and tell me you don't know what to say?" He blurted, his tone growing tighter with every word. I blinked, taken aback by his suddenly exasperated tone. His anger was justified. I had done many things that unintentionally harmed people. I was just as angry at myself.

   "Where did you go?" He questioned weakly. I wasn't sure if that was a rhetorical question or not. I had the literal answer, but where I had gone was a question to even I. He sighed, "After.." I swallowed thickly, "Lynniam." He looked up at my response, his eyes softening. He meant after he was ordered to kill me. He was tense at my answer, Lynniam was unsafe even before the war. I think his shock was more based on the fact that I had been in the inner rim, and on an Imperially occupied planet. "You?" I mumbled. He paused, looking away from me. "Coruscant. For a while, at least," He replied. I hummed, "You never much liked it there."

   He grunted, "No.. I didn't." My brows furrowed, and I rested my chin on top of my knees. Part of me wanted to know where he'd gone, what horror's he had to endure, what pain he inflicted. The other part wanted to remain naive to what he was capable of. "Why were you on Teloth?" He questioned suddenly. My chest constricted. My reasons were stupid, in hindsight. I went based off of a chance, an if. The padawan wasn't there, and I had gotten dragged into a revolution instead. "Intel. I was too late," I murmured. He exhaled deeply, and I could feel the cogs turning in his head. He radiated guilt. He had been on Teloth for the wrong reasons.

   "How long were you stationed there?" I asked. He shifted, "Three weeks, give or take. I was posted there with a small squad to contain recurring riots." I scoffed, "And how'd you get sacked with Crosshair?" He sighed, and I felt his gaze shift to me. I met it, frowning at his exhausted expression. "He's different now," He muttered. My brows raised, "You're defending him?" He shook his head, "No. I'm recognizing that he's changed." I nearly laughed, "Changed? What about him has changed?" "I don't know. He's just.. different, now." He argued. I shook my head, "I can't believe what I'm hearing. He tormented me."

   Perhaps I was being unfair, but with how Crosshair had acted on Tantiss, I didn't believe he had truly 'changed'. Trauma may have silenced him, but he was still hardened under that facade he offered everyone; me included. Jax's disappointment was loud, "You've changed, too." I glared at him, "That tends to happen when you're brandished as a traitor." He shook his head, "No. Different." My eyes softened at his tone. Jax knew me better than most people, myself included. Not even my master knew the depths of what I'd gone through during the war, since, he was mainly stationed on Coruscant with the Council. But Jax hadn't been there when everything fell apart.

   "I'm not saying I hate the vulnerability you've shown me, but you're shut off from everyone. It's like you don't care," He mumbled. "You don't get it," I snapped, "No one gets it." "Then tell me," He pleaded softly. I shook my head, "It's not your burden." I felt his hand wrap around my arm, forcing my gaze back onto him, "You are my General. You always will be." Fire traveled up into my throat, his words stabbing me in the heart. How could he still be so loyal? I didn't get it. All I had done was avoid him and everyone else, and now I was sat here answering to him for once. I inhaled slowly, shaking my head softly at his remark, "No. I'm not."

-

I got dragged into unloading the fishing boats. Jax figured out that he could use Omega to get me out of my hut, and it worked. She didn't take no for an answer. Usually, I'd be attempting to sleep by now, since the nights offered little hope for such things, but instead, my hands were slick with fish mucus. I reeked of the sea, and I couldn't hold back the scrunch of my nose every time I caught a whiff of myself. Omega was on me, chatting me up every fifteen minutes to make sure I hadn't wandered off. It was pointless to try and escape. A few of the residents struck up minimal conversation, but ultimately failed when I gave no response. I was too exhausted to care.

   I would pay my dues for the day and go back to what I always did: nothing. My hut wasn't a safe space to hide anymore, unfortunately, and with Jax knowing about the cliff, it eliminated that spot too. Why couldn't anyone see that I just wanted to be left alone? They had no issue in leaving Crosshair alone, in fact, they gave him his rifle back. What an odd thing to do. Give the murderer a weapon who had incredible accuracy. I slung another fish from the boat, tossing it into the barrow. I grimaced at the slime coating my palms, scales flaking my skin. "Water?" Omega asked. My gaze flicked to her, a sigh escaping my chest.

   She smiled when I took the canister, chugging down the lukewarm liquid. "Not so bad, is it?" She asked. I pulled the canister from my lips, my brows pressing downward at her quip. She laughed, taking the canister back from me, "Cheer up. We still have breakfast." I shook my head, turning back to the boat, "I agreed to sling fish around— not sit and chat." My hands wrapped around the tail, dragging it out of the boat. "Well, consider this an invitation. No rejects," She remarked. I rolled my eyes at her insistence, tossing the fish up into the barrow. "No," I grumbled. She stepped in front of me as I turned to grab another fish, her arms crossed and expression stern.

   I gave her an unimpressed stare, "I'm tired." "You can rest after," She pressed. I frowned. She was being more unbearable than usual today. Unfortunately today, I just happened to be in an even worse mood. And I wasn't in the mood for arguing. I sighed, "Fine. But then I want peace for the rest of the day. Got it?" She beamed, giving me a salute, "Noted." She jogged off past me towards Wrecker, leaving me to the fish. I grumbled under my breath, grabbing another. It didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would, but eventually I was being hauled off to Shep and Lyanna's for breakfast as Omega stated. One thing was for certain, I'd sleep hard after everything today, despite the nightmares.

   Crosshair was no where to be seen, which I was grateful for. I didn't need a bigger headache than I already had. I sat beside Jax, grabbing a Jogan fruit from the bowl, pealing back the skin. I ate the sweet fruit in silence, letting the sugars soak into my exhausted bones. Jax cleared his throat from beside me, "You smell interesting." I scoffed at his remark, "Stow it." He gave me a chuckle in response. The chatter at the table went in one ear and out the other, my eyes focused on the fruit before me. My fingers stained orange from the citrus, and it settled uncomfortably in my stomach despite the delectable taste.

   The vultures were being far too loud for me to relax. I struggled to find their significance. Obviously, Jax's capture hadn't been the reason as to why they arrived in the first place, but there was nothing they correlated to. I had never even seen a vulture in my life, why were they tormenting me? It felt like they were picking around my mind for anything, sapping me of any remaining energy I had miraculously stored. They knew everything, where I went, what I was doing. It was exhausting, not just mentally, but physically. I gave up on my half eaten fruit, excusing myself without further word. Thankfully, Omega hadn't tried to stop me, but that was only because Hunter asked her not to.

    It felt wrong being here, acting like the security Pabu gave was infinite. Nothing was infinite. I knew I was safe, for now at least, but the overhanging feeling of Hemlock finding us sat with me. It had been nothing short of luck in escaping, and I think we all knew that. I tried to accept it, just like everyone else seemed to, but I couldn't. I couldn't forget. Five months. I hadn't even been aware that five months had passed. The galaxy just went on without us, and was in even worse shape than before. They were content with staying here evermore, and I found myself irritated at the notion. I couldn't have that. I could never have what they have.

   That— I accepted. My time would inevitably run out, either when the Empire found us, or my death, in trying to evade. I feared not knowing. Not knowing when my time would come. I wasn't heartless. I wanted to be able to protect the people I had grown attached to, and that meant staying alive to be able to do so. But I knew deep down that by staying with them, I wasn't protecting them. I was endangering them. "Miss Ashla!" A woman called out. I was wary, the sun beating down on my already exhausted body, and I still smelled. I stopped, turning to the voice despite wanting to move on. Gasyl, the islands medicinal specialist was leaned back against the door to her shoppe, a large crate in her hands.

   I sighed, walking towards the clumsy woman, scooping the crate from her arms. She laughed, opening the door, "Thank you, thank you. I don't know what I was thinking." My brows raised, and I followed her through the isles of herbs and vials. She jogged around the counter, "Right here is good." I set it down, sliding it towards her. She immediately darted out from behind the counter, shuffling with a few other crates strewn across the floor, "Do you mind helping me with a few other things?" I did, in fact. I exhaled through my nose, "Not an issue. What do you need?" She clapped her hands together, "I want to rearrange the shelves in the showroom. They're getting a bit cluttered."

   What an understatement. Her shoppe reflected her personality: awry and chaotic. But moving all the shelves? I groaned internally, gesturing to her to direct me to what was needed. I spent hours pushing around shelves and restocking herbs, my body coated in a thick layer of perspiration. I was even more exhausted than before, and I felt like I was running on the last fumes of the Jogan fruit from this morning. I hauled another crate through the shoppe, dropping it atop another I had placed prior. Gasyl trotted around, examining the shelving and her stock, mumbling to herself indiscernibly. Her Force signature was more of a headache than the labor.

   It beat inside my head, poking and poking, almost laughing at my disheveled one. She was nothing but kind, though, so I dealt with the headache. There was a string of 'oh, Miss Ashla's' followed by yet another favor of hers, and I continued to oblige. It was better than being pestered about my feelings by everyone else. At least Gasyl thought I was just another islander. Shep had stopped by at some point and brought in some more fruit, in which I pleaded for him with my eyes to get me out of here. It went right over his head and I was left to continue organizing with Gasyl. The jolting sound of her clasping her hands together provided me with the wake up I needed.

   "Oh, boy. That's all for today. We can continue tomorrow," She yielded. I sighed. Tomorrow? I gave her a half smile, waving as I walked off towards the door. I wanted nothing more than to shower, and then perhaps find somewhere to hide. Omega told me breakfast is where it ended, and somehow I got dragged into flipping a shoppe upside down. I pressed my hand to the door, but stalled as Gasyl let out an 'oh!'. I turned, looking to the approaching red head who held a vial with a blue liquid in it. She held it out to me, "For sleeping. A nice fellow, I think his name was Jaxon, said you needed something." I frowned. Jax. She thrust it into my hands, and I shook my head.

   "I don't have any money," I murmured. She waved a hand at me, "You helped me out. It's on the house. Three drops in a tea half an hour before bed should do it." She ushered me out, and before I could respond, the door shut. I sighed, looking down at the little vial in my palm. I left, the sun bleeding into the ocean, the sky turning a shade of pink and orange. I didn't need the sleeping tonic, I avoided sleeping for other reasons. I stumbled into my hut, leaning back against the door as I entered. The little vial stayed clutched in my hand as I treaded towards the kitchen, setting it down on the counter. I wasted no time in getting in the shower, scrubbing my skin three times before the smell of fish and herb was gone.

   The hot water soothed me, and by the time I got out and wrapped a towel around myself, I was already heading for bed. I slumped into the cot, my wet hair plastering to my neck and sheets. I couldn't find it in me to care, letting myself drift off to sleep.

-

   "Report to CC-1226," Rampart commanded. My brows pinched together. Commander Jax? I lifted my chin, "Why not Commander Cody?" Rampart looked up from his data pad, confusion settling over his features, "Cody?" "CC-2224," I corrected. He sighed, "It seems he has gone.. AWOL. Funny, clones just keep disappearing around you left and right." I kept my irritation in check, my hands curling at my sides tighter. He continued on his data pad, his other hand reaching out and tapping a holo puck. The profile of a woman materialized. No ordinary woman. My shoulders stiffened as he set down his data pad. "I'm sure you're familiar with the face," He dragged.

   I didn't reply verbally, a short nod of my head instead. He hummed, "You've failed to eliminate her twice now, correct?" It wasn't that simple. She wasn't an average Jedi. His eyes roved over her, and I swallowed thickly. "I've been given information that implies that she will be there. You are to eliminate her, should she show up." It wasn't that simple. She was something to fear. Jax was the commanding officer, and if he was anything like Cody and had resignation, he wouldn't harm a hair on her. "Am I understood?" He prompted. I nodded shortly, "Yes, Admiral." He flipped his hand at me, "Dismissed." I stepped back, turning slowly and heading for the door.

   The armor didn't feel the same, the rifle in my hands felt heavier than usual. Shoot the Jedi. If the chip was still there, I would've had no issue in carrying out the order. But it wasn't. Sometimes, I wished it was still there, just to keep me from feeling things like regret in small moments of clarity. Cody was wrong. We are soldiers, we do what must be done. Walking into the hangar bay and seeing Jax of all men was odd. At least it wasn't someone I didn't know, regardless of our past history. I stopped a few feet from him, waiting until he finished conversing with one of the other men. When his head turned to me, his shoulders loosened.

   "I didn't believe them when I heard your designation," He spoke. The rifle relaxed in my hands, "Well, here I am." Looking at him made me sick. I was staring at the Commander of someone I was ordered to eliminate. I didn't want to feel like this— why did I feel like this? His eyes were wary, just as hers were when I held a blaster to her. "Come on, I'll brief you on the way," He spoke, slipping the helmet over his head. He walked off, and I followed. Was it wrong of me to not tell him that she was alive? Was he still affected by the chip? Would he care? I felt a strange sensation in my stomach. It was clear as day, he was separating.

   The mission was simple. It wasn't really a mission, more so crowd control than anything. Keep the rioting down, use force if necessary. Kill the Jedi. Jax was speaking, the other men looking down at the holo actively listening. All I could see was the ceiling coming down on top of me, missing me because she decided so. I had little to no doubt that she would kill me, and maybe I deserved that. I deserved a lot of things for what I had done. But I did what I thought was right. They didn't see that. She didn't see that. "Crosshair," Jax prompted. I lifted my chin, looking to him.

   "You're in the watch tower. I trust you'll hold your own?" He questioned. Trust. I nodded, "Yes, Sir." Teloth was a shit hole, and if she showed up to a place like that she was begging to be captured for a bounty. The flight there was long, and I reinforced the order Rampart had given me into my head. She was nothing. She was a target. She was a danger to the Empire. But every time I looked at Jax, I felt guilty. He wasn't aware. He needed to remain that way. I offloaded from the transport and headed off to my post. It was easy to spot those who carried illegally, snooped in places they shouldn't, dealt in criminal activity. This mission was below my skill level.

   If it were just crowd control. The sweat beaded down my forehead from under my helmet, and my breaths felt shallow. I hoped she was smart enough and realized the bait they'd obviously placed for her. I knew her too well, despite only ever giving her a hard time. I was rude to most people, she was nothing special. But I still couldn't shoot her. Jax was speaking over the comm to the others, alerting us of movement and leads for the resistance activity. I heard none of it, my finger poised over the trigger, pretending I was anywhere but here.

-

   I surged upwards in my cot, my hand clutching at the towel around my chest. The sky was dark, the moonlight seeping in through the swaying curtains of my bay window. My other hand pushed my still damp hair back, the coolness of it pressing down on my hot skin. My nightmares made no sense, names and faces blurred out, and voices were indistinguishable. I looked over at the chrono on the wall, deflating at the time. Half past midnight. I slipped out of bed, letting my towel drop to the floor as I tugged through my chest, snagging out a tunic, pants, and undergarments. I tugged the tunic over my head, followed by my undergarment and pants, stumbling into the kitchen.

   I snagged the canister of water off the counter, spinning the lid free and chugging down the liquid. It moistened my dry tongue, rehydrating me from my heavy night sweat. I placed it down, leaning my hands into the counter. I couldn't keep doing this, I was going mad. The Force was bleeding my thoughts together, and reality was slipping through my fingers. How could I move on? Forget that Tantiss ever happened, forget that the Empire happened, forget that the Jedi were gone. Forget myself. Everything I had been was a lie, now. A peacekeeper with no peace. A Jedi who couldn't keep a grip on the light. A soldier with no war to fight.

   I shoved my feet into my boots, just as I always did, leaving my hut hurriedly. I refrained from going to the cliff, with my luck, Jax would check to see if I was there, and when I wasn't, he'd check my hut. I was smart enough to pick a new spot, one I knew I couldn't be bothered in. I travelled down the village, the winding streets blurring together just as much as my thoughts did. He meant well, I understood that, but I needed to figure this out on my own. I was tired of being coddled, of being treated like every inconvenience was going to break me. Tantiss didn't break me, it fueled the pit of fire in my chest.

   The anger I felt at the thought made my skin burn, my hands clenching unconsciously. I should've never taken the bands off. I knew I was dangerous, to myself and everyone around me. It didn't take much to lose my sense of self, and the light seemed to sink every time I felt threatened. I always felt threatened. Why? I was safe here. My boots kicked through the sand, my eyes locked on the crashing waves. I stood still, in the middle of the empty beach, looking up at the moon. It sat there and mocked me yet again, the stars twinkling around it. I slowly lowered myself down, lying back against the sand. I tucked my hands behind my head, glaring up into the sky.

   I felt more trapped than before, staring into nothing. I was fairly used to staring at nothing, but I didn't have a choice then. Here, I was 'free' without truly being free. Life moved on around me, the weak continued to be feasted on, and I was the weak. How had everything gone so wrong so fast? How did I go from being a Jedi knight to this husk that begged for respite? I couldn't change anything, and none of my efforts thus far had made a difference at all. I was an extra body, just as I knew I'd be. I let out a long exhale, but even taking the air back in felt like a chore. I was a mess, one that no one should carry the burden of.

   No one knew how hard I was trying. No one understood, not even Jax, as much as he wanted to. I lost everything in less than a rotation, and then failed everyone around me in one way or another. Tech was still dead, Omega had been subjected to Hemlock, Jax was traumatized from what the Empire had done to him, and the squad didn't function the same without their missing brother. They'd given me shelter, protection, friendship. What did I have to show for it all? Letting go of the car? Letting the car crash, thus most likely leading Hemlock to us? I turned myself over based on words, not even the slightest bit of proof. I was weak.

   "You look pathetic," A voice called out. My heart stammered, and I sat up, the sand pouring down the back of tunic. My eyes narrowed on the slim figure of none other than Crosshair. I scoffed, looking away from him as I rippled my tunic with my hands, trying to bat out the sand. "Why are you here?" He asked. I stood to my feet, swiping the sand off my pants, "I was just leaving." I could hear him audibly scoff as I walked past him, his aura darkening. "Am I really so unbearable?" He questioned. I stopped in my tracks. I didn't have the time to explain myself to anyone, but I always had the time to dish out my thoughts about him.

   "Is that a trick question?" I asked, glaring back at him. He shook his head, turning his back to me, "Forget it." "No," I blurted, stepping towards him, "What have you done to deserve my respect?" "Kept you alive on Lau," He replied snidely. My jaw nearly fell into the sand, "Really?"  He turned, "And Teloth." I laughed. Hard. "You're actually ridiculous! Is your savior complex that immense?" I barked, walking around him. I came here to relax, to get away from everyone that tried to get me to open up. I had half the mind in tossing him out to the sea. He glared down at me, "Savior complex? Is that why you showed up there? To save something that wasn't there?" I blinked, my mouth drying out completely.

   He hummed, "I thought you were a Jedi. You know when something is a lie or not, right?" My chest clenched in agony, his words hurting more than I wanted them to. A lie? What about Teloth had been a lie, other than Dexan withholding valuable information that would've saved me some time. I stepped back as he stepped towards me, the tension in his jaw clear to me. "You were there to save something that didn't exist. I was there to eliminate you," He spoke lowly. My heart rate quickened in my chest, my blood warming my skin. I was stuck between anger and bewilderment, because I knew he wasn't lying. There was no padawan. I let out a short breath, "And you want me to thank you for not pulling the trigger?"

   "I want you to realize that I'm not the villain you paint me to be," He spoke. I swallowed hard, "You are. Just because you chose to be decent once, doesn't mean it erases all of your past actions." "I did what I thought was right," He growled. My eyes narrowed, "Well, you thought wrong." He scoffed, looking away from me. There weren't enough words for me to describe how horrible it felt to be in his presence. Everything he had ever done, everything he had ever said stuck to my brain like disease. I would never understand him, I would never get through the thick wall of bone that locked his thoughts away from me. He would always be a coward. "You hurt them," I whispered. He grew tense at my suddenness, but refused to meet my eyes.

   "You may think you've made up for your disloyalty, but they will never forget what you've done," I dug in, my lips twitching. The Force was silent, other than the soft waves of his anger through it. There was that twinge of guilt that laced in between it, but it was never enough to make me fully believe it. He was shut off, nonverbal and avoiding me. He had nothing to say for himself. Pathetic. I strode off past him, feeling the nausea creep up into my throat. "I saw what you did there," He called out. I stopped, but didn't turn. "Don't the Jedi defend life, and not take it?," He spat. That was once, he didn’t know what he was talking about. Yet, it made my blood run cold.

   “You’re just as fucked up as I am, and you know it,” He mumbled. He was lying, trying to get under my skin. That’s all he had ever done. But this time, it was working.

-

   She was here. I knew it was her by the way she walked, by the way she calculated every step. She was cautious, and the air around her was stifling. She commanded attention regardless of not seeking it. She commanded it because she embodied it. There were so many chances for me to have pulled the trigger, but I watched instead. There was a heavy weight in my chest, knowing I could see her without her seeing me. I was afraid of her— afraid of what she could do, so I marked down the docking site she landed at, making a mental note to watch for her return. Rampart may have thought I was still a mindless soldier, but I knew the truth.

   It didn’t matter that she thought otherwise, she was taking care of them. My brothers. She had no reason to, she could’ve hid like any of those other self righteous Jedi scum. But she didn’t. She was stupid and fearless. She passed through the main square twice before I saw her head off to her ship for the night. Only then did I report back to her former commander for a debrief. I reported nothing other than what I normally did— minimal rebel activity. 

   I did not sleep at all that night, knowing my target was sitting no less than five klicks away. 

   When the morning came, I had just missed her. That was what I told myself, since I hadn’t seen her in the early hours of the first watch. When the sun reached its highest, there was an outbreak. All four posts had been attacked in disarray, leaving us with no other option but to subdue all those involved. She was no where to be seen, meaning she was either hiding, or helping. I bet more so on the latter, she hated sitting out. I remained in position, watching, waiting for any sign of her. Explosions wracked the tower I was perched in, a curse sliding from my mouth. Idiot regs couldn’t handle a surge. I packed up my rifle, heading for the stairwell, leaning into the wall as the tower continued to rumble. 

   The street was dust filled, and the overbearing sound of screaming and blaster fire blocked out any call signs. I tapped the side of my helmet, the scope sliding down over my visor. I scanned twelve heat signatures within my direct vicinity, too many to count past the other buildings. “Crosshair! Do you read?” Jax called out over the comm. I pulled my rifle off my back, jogging away from the destruction. “Affirmative,” I replied. “There’s a group of hostiles heading southeast. I have two men rerouting to your position,” He ordered. I tucked into an alcove, crouching down to take a shot. My finger grazed the trigger, tracking a heat signature through the dust, “Sir, yes, Sir.” I squeezed, and the figure fell. 

   When my reinforcements showed up, we pealed off to head southeast on Jax’s orders. The group was no more than six, and I took higher ground atop some debris to wash out what the regs couldn’t. The sweat bled into my eyes, and I shook my head occasionally to drop it off my face. A string of call outs came over the comm, but they kept cutting off. “Jedi sighting! Fall back!” Another man yelled over the comm before static rang out. My shoulders went rigid, and the scope dropped from my eye. I slid down from my perch, tapping my finger to the side of my helmet. The scope  read just as many heat signatures, but two klicks away there was an abnormality. I took off, leaving the two men behind in a rush to make my target.

   Was I really going to shoot her? Could I— shoot her? 

   The band of light swiveled around aggressively, and I felt that pit in my stomach worsen. “Jax, what is your position?” I growled out. There was silence, and for a moment I thought that maybe she had gotten to him. “Stay off, Crosshair. Don’t approach,” He spoke quietly. I slid to a stop, crouching down and bringing up my rifle. There she was, through my scope, and Jax stood right before her. She didn’t harm him, not as much as the trooper she’d dropped to the ground in a heap. My hands tightened over my rifle, my finger brushing over the trigger. I had never seen so much fear in that woman’s eyes before.

   She didn’t hesitate in running to Jax’s side when he was shot, but I did. I hesitated in pulling the trigger because I didn’t know if what I was doing was right. Jax would go with her, I think he would’ve done so long ago if she had found him sooner. I tracked them all the way back to the landing pads, watched as they grew further and further. I was angry. I wanted to hate her because of how little she had seemed to do during the war. I wanted to hate her because I knew she was stronger than she led on. I wanted to hate her because she was everything I would never be. Compassionate. The aerial strike touched down near the port, and I had nearly been sent off my feet.

   It made seeing where they’d gone much more difficult. I hoped she had died on her own accord, just so that I’d feel less guilty. But she hadn’t. She was forced away, without him, and I stood there quietly. Jax was hardly conscious when they dragged him away, and I didn’t even try to shoot her departing ship. I watched, desperately trying to avoid looking at Jax’s features of agony. 

   She kept my family safe, all while I let hers be taken away.

Chapter Text

   My spoon clinked around in the ceramic cup, stirring the instant caf around. The night before had been rough, and my conversation with Crosshair had left a sour taste in my mouth. I dropped the spoon down, bringing the cup up to my lips to take a deep sip. The bitterness washed over my tastebuds, and the caffeine immediately got to work. I hummed softly, leaning over the cup. The steam kissed my face, the scent delightful despite its cheap quality. The little blue vial sat just inches away, untouched and foreboding. The sun was already rising, filling the space with the gentle air of comfort. The exhaustion had put me at ease despite the nausea clutched up in my throat.

   Echo was supposed to be in this week, but I didn't know if that meant Rex would be in as well. A part of me hoped he would be, I missed the comfort his presence filled me with. I stood straight, rolling my shoulders back until a soft pop emitted from them, sighing in content. I grabbed the ceramic and padded towards the door, pushing it open the rest of the way. The balcony overlooked the ledge down into the next level of huts, and the town was already filled with life. The sun glistened over the water, and the moon-yo's were chittering in the distance. Everything was soft and gentle, even the tingle in the base of spine had evened out into a constant thrum. The vultures were quiet.

   My brows furrowed, and I looked upwards into the blue sky. I strained my ears, but I heard only the sound of life going on below. The vultures were not here. The notion made the pit of anxiety swirl in my gut, and my palms sweat around the ceramic. How long had they been gone? I hadn't even noticed that their cries had died out, or even when they did. I was thankful to whatever God out there that made them stop. Maybe the Force had taken pity on me, giving me the silence I so desperately needed. Gasyl had asked for my help the day prior, and strangely enough, I felt well enough to oblige, even if I was exhausted. I chugged down the remainder of my caf and headed inside, setting the cup in the basin.

   I changed out of my still sandy clothes, replacing them with fresh set of pants and linen tunic. Phee had been kind enough to gift me some of her more comfortable garments, since I owned none. I shoved my feet into my boots, slipped on my utility belt and left the safety of my home. The walk to Gasyl's was quaint, the soft hum of the Force passing through me further drove the comfort into place. I was confused. Why was I so at ease today when the past week had been nothing but agony? I felt almost.. normal. The feeling made me uncomfortable. Hot and cold feelings were nothing good in my experience, and I knew better than to ask the Force for answers.

   Upon entering Gasyl's shoppe, I saw no signs of the sporadic red head. Perhaps she had gone out, or maybe I was early. I strode around the half together isles of herbs, my gaze grazing over the collection she had acquired. There were a few items I was familiar with, ones from my time during the war. I reached out for a bundle of blue herbs, the pungent smell hitting my nose immediately. Luctus Sprig was used in teas, one I indulged in to give me extra energy on longer campaigns. I twirled the bundle through my fingers for a moment, the blue pigment staining my fingers. I set it down before I could ruin its effectiveness, brushing my hand off on my pants. 

   The door chimed, and I looked back, Gasyl's hair awry and her face flushed. I quirked a brow, stepping back at she approached, "I didn't think you come again." Something in her expression made me feel sorrowful. Sure, she was a handful, but the aura she emitted showed she was genuinely surprised. I hummed, "I don't make a habit of not keeping promises." I hadn't promised her, but she had asked, so I came. She smiled, "Well, let's get to work, then." She brightened, trotting past me towards the front desk, rounding it. "I have a few orders to complete, do you mind just continuing where we left off yesterday?" She asked, rapidly swiping through a booklet filled with scribbles. 

   I looked back at the state of the show floor, "I suppose." Gasyl went back to her usual routine, fluttering around in a frenzy, while I continued to organize. The shelves were relatively empty, but the stock she had hadn't been put out in months, if I had to guess. I unpacked each crate with tenderness, careful to not disturb any of the contents. I wasn't even sure how to handle medicine, I had never truly been too versed in healing. I lacked the patience and gentleness to handle such delicate substances. I lacked patience in many circumstances, but apparently I enjoyed organizing. I cupped my hands under another set of sprigs, ones I did not know the purpose of, setting them atop the shelf.

   I lost time in the constant pick up, set down, adjust, and repeat, empty crates soon lining the front of the shoppe. Gasyl had surprisingly been quiet, as well at my thoughts, my mind in a constant state of muddled peace. Inhaling all these herbs couldn't be good, Gasyl was example enough. The door chimed, and I glanced back, watching a man walk into the shoppe. I looked back to my task, pushing the rack of vials to the back of the shelf. My knees drove into the wood, my arm contorting in a way so that I wouldn't disturb the other items. "Excuse me, miss," He spoke. I startled, pushing the vials a little too hard. I gasped as they slid off the other side, my fingers reacting quickly. 

   Luckily, I caught them, the Force holding up the end hanging off the edge discreetly. "Stars— I'm so sorry," He sputtered. I pulled the vials back, slowly pulling my arm out of the crevice, "No harm done." I sat back on my heels, looking to the man. He oozed embarrassment, which in turn made me shift slightly, "Ah, if you're looking for Gasyl, she's up front." He clamped his jaw shut, nodding, "Thanks.. Sorry, again." I forced a small smile, nodding silently. I had to pull my eyes away from him, due to him not doing so first. I shoved the discomfort in my chest down, continuing my interrupted task. It felt like every time someone looked at me, they knew exactly who I was.

   I knew that was a mediocre guess, there was no reason for anyone to know who I was— besides the squad. Another hard barrier I'd have to get past, along with so many other things. The feeling didn't get any better, especially when I felt his eyes on the back of my head as he exited. Maybe he had seen my small display of the Force. That was slim, but I had learned the hard way that even slim chances were large. I fell back into repetition, tuning out the outside world and focusing on perfecting the display. The soft chirp of my comm broke me from my peaceful state some time later, and I pulled my herb stained hands back. I pulled the device from my belt, opening the channel, "I read you."

   "Echo is coming in for landing. Thought you might want the heads up," Hunter spoke. I sighed, slowly standing to my feet, "On my way." I deactivated my comm, sliding it back into my belt as I walked towards the front. "A friend of mine is in, do you mind if I step out?" I asked softly. Gasyl didn't even look up, "Of course, dear!" My lips twitched at the name, warmth flooding my chest. I was wrong about her, but I blamed that on my sour mood. She emanated the presence of a mother. I hummed, turning on my heel to exit the shoppe. I once again reeked of herbs, but at least I wasn't covered in fish mucus again. I jogged all the way up to the top of Pabu, Hunter and Wrecker presumably still waiting on Echo to come in for landing. 

   I strode up to the two, Hunter casting me a concerned glance. Now, I was back in a sour mood. He radiated guilt, and it made my stomach churn. I didn't want pity. Wrecker gave me a hard pat on the shoulder, a wince sliding from my lips. He merely laughed, Hunter shaking his head. The whirring of an approaching ship tickled my ears, my gaze flicking up to the sky. In the distance, a speck appeared, approaching quickly. I felt a soft, familiar presence approach, my shoulders relaxing. "General," Jax greeted. My eyes slowly flicked to him, but the soft grin on his face kept me from correcting him. I held my hand over my eyes as the ship hovered above, slowly lowering down onto the stone.

   The landing gear groaned, the vac systems hissing as the ship whirred down to a quiet hum. I remained in place as the three approached the now descending ramp, Echo's figure appearing. I swallowed hard. He had been the last person I saw after Tech's death before I went missing for five months. "Ashla!" Omega called out. I hardly had enough time to turn before the young clone crashed into me, her arms winding around my waist. I caught my footing, giving her shoulders a small squeeze. Looking past her, I saw Crosshair approach, my eyes narrowing softly. I was still bothered by his unwanted opinions, and the fact that he had found the audacity to still speak to me like that.

   Omega slipped away from me, and I forced myself to look back to the squad. What I hadn't expected to see, was Rex, his eyes wide and glossy. He approached me slowly, and my heart nearly fell to my feet. "Runi," He whispered, grabbing my shoulders. He tugged me into his chest, my eyes wide and body frozen. I slowly reciprocated his embrace, my arms carefully wrapping around his waist. "I looked everywhere for you. I never stopped," He whispered, his agony weaving into his tone. My heart broke a little more at the way he felt, the way his soul was pained. I stepped back from him as he released his grip on me, "I'm alright, Rex." He shook his head, "I would've come sooner, I promise—"

   "Rex," I cut him off, giving him a soft nod in reassurance. His hands slid from my shoulders, down to my biceps. "What, no hug for me?" Crosshair grumbled, glaring into the side of my head as he passed. Rex's hands tightened on my biceps, and I let out a sigh. I patted Rex on the chest, "Play nice. Trust me, I know it's hard." His eyes softened, and his lips quirked into a soft smile, "I missed you." I smiled gently in return, "As did I." Echo patted Rex on the shoulder, and I turned my attention to him. "Good to see you," Echo greeted, pulling me into a quick embrace. I patted his back, "Good to see you, too." He sent Rex a glance, to which he flushed. I didn't understand, and he turned away before I could ask.

   Rex placed his hand on my back, "We have some time to catch up before we head out." I looked up at him, "We?" He sighed, "Jax.." My brows furrowed. Jax was leaving. Again. I knew better than expect that he'd sit around and do nothing, but I hadn't expected him to leave so soon. I nodded gently, glancing back at the group as we walked away. Rex seemed off, his Force signature wavering more than it usually did. He held deep conflict, but with events of the past few months, it made sense. He showed up on Ord Mantel, and I wasn't there. "It's a beautiful place," He murmured. I glanced up at him, broken from my thoughts. I nodded, looking out past the path into the lower levels, "Yes. Peaceful, too." 

   "You look good," He spoke. I blinked, looking to him in surprise. He coughed, "Ah, I meant— given everything that's happened.. You look good— healthy." I hummed, looking down to my feet. I kicked a pebble, the rock skittering across the pathway into the grass. I guess I didn't look as tired as I felt, which was a surprise since I'd probably gotten five hours of sleep in the past week. "Thank you," I replied, "I certainly don't feel it." He grunted, "I've heard all about your sleepless nights." I rose a brow, looking to him, "Has Jax been feeding you reports on me?" He grinned, "I had to make sure my intel on you was reliable." I groaned, rolling my eyes at him.

   He chuckled, "Now, care to show me somewhere nice to eat?" I nudged his shoulder with my own, waving him along to follow. There was a quaint little cafe around the middle level of Pabu, run by an older couple. Omega had dragged me there months ago, and I wouldn't deny that the food was heavenly. Nothing compared to Kael's, but still good nonetheless. Rex held the door open for me as we arrived, and I led him to a table in the corner, sitting down in the wooden booth. He sat across from me, shifting uncomfortably in the small seat. Maye, the server, came and poured us some caf, leaving us to decide on food. "So, what else have you been up to here?" He asked. 

   I cupped the ceramic, "I just recently started helping out at the apothecary." He raised his brows, "Medicine? You?" I frowned, "I'm just organizing." He chuckled, taking a sip of his caf, "That sounds too boring for you." A small smile cracked onto my lips, "Well, I did try fishing. That didn't go over very well." He laughed, shaking his head at me, "Fishing? That sounds even worse." I pulled the cup up to my lips, taking a sip of the bitter liquid, "Oh, the worst. I almost couldn't get the smell off." He laughed again, and my lips pulled into an even wider smile. This is what I couldn't understand. I felt so normal in the moment, but everything always seemed to decline at the most random times.

   I was hot and cold, and I didn't know where to find the equilibrium. Rex was enough to bring back some sort of joy I lacked, but he wouldn't always be around to entertain me when I wasn't doing well. We'd had meals like this in the past, at Kael's, the cruiser, or even ration packs at camp. They always felt like this, so easy, so comfortable. I wanted to go with him, but that meant having to dip back into the role of being a Jedi when I knew I wasn't. The sun was still bright by the time we left, meaning we still had time, and the two of us walked in a comfortable silence. I didn't want him to leave, but I knew it wasn't fair to feel like that. What he was doing was beyond courageous, something I was severely lacking in now.

 "Talk to me," He murmured, grabbing my hand and pulling me to a stop. I exhaled deeply, avoiding his prying gaze. It had been months since I'd seen Rex, even before I had been imprisoned. I felt like mush in his hands, but the comfort I felt in his presence was enough to put my mind at ease. But his gaze was too intense to meet. "I.. don't really know anymore, Rex. One moment, everything feels fine. And the next.." I mumbled, letting his fingers lace between mine. He squeezed gently, "What do you need?" He'd asked me that before, but I had been in the grip of my anger and frustration. I didn't know what I needed. Maybe peace, freedom— true freedom, not some false hope and temporary promise. 

   Rex wanted me with him, to make sure I was safe, but he had learned I couldn't be forced, no matter the circumstance. "I don't know," I answered, finally. His other hand grazed up my arm until it was resting over my bicep, his thumb pressing soft circles into my skin, "The offer still stands, you know?" I nodded, "I know." He pulled me forward, his chin resting atop my head. My arms wrapped around him, my body sinking into his warmth. I was tired of fighting.

-

   The sun had started to set, Jax and Rex packing supplies offered by Shep into their transport. I stood in the cockpit, looking out through the view port. Jax was leaving— again, and I didn't know when I'd see him again. It was a hard pill to swallow, and one of the more difficult decisions I've had to make. I slid my hand over the back of the seat, letting it fall at my side before walking out into the storage bay. I stepped back as Wrecker came up with a crate, sliding past him and down the ramp. I approached Jax as he was finishing up conversation with Hunter, folding my hands in front of my body. Jax turned when he was finished, his gaze falling on me. He smiled, sorrowfully.

   He walked towards me, "Now, don't go getting sad on me, General." I scoffed lightly, my lips pulling into a soft smile, "Never." He laughed quietly, and my smile fell. This was worse than I thought it would be. I just got him back, after not knowing I'd ever see him again. This was important to him, though, and I wouldn't keep him from doing something good for himself for once. He stepped closer, "You'll be alright?" I reached my hand out towards him, resting it over his forearm, "I'll be fine. We'll see each other again." He sighed heavily, tentatively reaching out, pulling me into an awkward hug. The Force was heavy. His sorrow and mine filled the air, making my eyes prick with tears. 

   "May the Force be with you," He whispered. My shoulders stiffened, but I held him tighter. "And you," I murmured. He pulled away, squeezing my bicep softly before walking away. I folded my arms over my chest, my fingers squeezing my biceps. The weight in my chest had been lifted, replaced with an emptiness instead. "I'll watch out for him," Rex spoke out from behind me. I looked over my shoulder, my skin tingling as his hand brushed over my shoulder blades. I forced a heavy exhale, "I know." He stepped in front of me, his hands finding purchase at my shoulders. He rubbed them gently, "You take on more than you need to. Just.. take care of yourself." My shoulders loosened at his touch.

   I felt one of his hands slide up to the side of my neck, his thumb brushing my jawline. I finally met his eyes, feeling the warmth his gaze offered. He looked tired. I wished he would take a break as well. His hand guided my head forwards, his lips pressing to the skin in between my brows. A soft sigh fell from my lips, and I let him step away at his own pace. I didn't feel as blind as I had before, not since I had been freed of the resistors. Feelings hit me hard, and with the darkness steadily growing, it fueled my focus. Rex cared more than he should. His eyes reflected that same adoration from all those months ago— and even during the war. I felt guilty that I couldn't return it.

   "Take care, Runi," He murmured. His tone elicited a shiver through my body, and then he too walked away. I watched wistfully, the pit in my chest growing heavier. I stood there and watched their ship depart, all the way until it disappeared in the orange sky. I didn't have regrets for not leaving with them, part of me knew I was here for a reason, even if I was a danger to everyone around me. I had no other choice, not until I knew the squad would be okay. I let my hands fall to my sides, feeling eyes settle on my back. I slowly looked over my shoulder, Hunter staring me down. He jutted his head sideways, and I approached silently.

   I followed the squad from a distance, Batcher trotting up to my side. Her nose nudged me, and I rubbed my hand over her head affectionately. As I pulled my gaze up from the hound, Hunter was waiting aside to fall into step with me. "So.. you and the Captain, huh?" Hunter asked, raising a brow at me. I cast him an unamused glance, "What about it?" He grunted, "You two seemed pretty close." "You're looking into it too deep, Hunter," I grumbled. He chuckled, "I don't think so. Runi? That's an interesting name to use." I looked to him, my brows furrowing, "Do you know what it means?" "You don't?" He asked, his brows raising. "Obviously not," I snapped. Batcher whined, and I sighed, scratching behind her ear.

   "It means soul. He called you his soul," He explained, his tone softening. I stopped in my tracks, watching him intently as he strode past smugly. My heart thudded in my chest, and I felt warmth flood my cheeks. His soul? Hunter laughed from the distance, only fueling the heat forming in my chest. Batcher whined, nudging my thigh. I cleared my throat, trying to shove down the heat as I resumed walking. He held open the gate for me as I made it down the hill to the back garden of Shep's home, and I made every point to avoid his gaze. Batcher trotted away from my side, and I made my way to the table, sitting down on the right side. I pulled my legs up onto the seat, crossing them under me.

   The chair across from me slid out, my gaze lifting just enough to watch Crosshair sit. Omega sat beside him, offering me a soft smile. The others sat down, Echo beside me as Shep brought out some fruits and drinks. I couldn't fully shove down what Hunter had clarified for me. Maybe I was the one thinking too far into it. Rex had always been affectionate, in a.. respectful aspect. But now, I didn't know what to think or feel. I grabbed the cup set in front of me, gulping down the water. My body still remained hot despite my best efforts. "So. What can you tell us about Tantiss?" Echo probed. That was enough to knock my senses back into place. Tantiss was the last thing I wanted to talk about. 

   "They were using clones for testing, taking samples. Most were held in the detention wing, but I never saw what was in the vault. Even Emerie wasn't allowed access," Omega explained. I wasn't the only one surprised about her knowledge of the facility. I wasn't even aware that she had gathered so much intel. "Emerie?" Echo asked. "She works for Hemlock. She's a clone, like us. Like me," Omega clarified. The only doctor who actually had my interests viewed as humanly as possible. "Ashla?" Echo prompted. My hand tightened around my cup, my teeth grinding hard. I was growing increasingly uncomfortable with the feelings being exchanged at the table, each of them loud and unrelenting in my head. 

   "We were prisoners. Not much to tell," Crosshair grumbled. I looked up, missing his quickly averted gaze. "We've been searching for this base for a long time. Accurate intel's hard to come by. We need to know all we can before making any moves," Echo spoke. I looked away from Crosshair to Omega, who had slid out the data pad we'd used in our escape. She clicked it on, sliding it into the middle of the table, "We have Nala Se's data pad, but it isn't working anymore. If we can get it online, we should be able to pull more intel on Tantiss." Echo grabbed the device, looking over it, "It could have schematics, entry points. Maybe even the coordinates to the base itself. Imperial encryption will be a problem. Especially without Tech."

   My spine flushed with ice, swallowing thickly at Echo's sorrowful statement. My fault. Tech was gone because I couldn't hold up the car. Suddenly, my ease from earlier silenced, and the darkness that enraptured my mind came back in full swing. They weren't looking at me in disappointment, they were looking at me because they knew I blamed myself. Rightfully so. I killed their brother. Crosshair's eyes felt even heavier, since he wasn't aware of the full truth. He sighed, "Plugging it into an Imperial terminal will bypass the encryption." Wrecker grunted, "Where do we get one of those?" I looked up at Crosshair's hesitation, searching through him. "I.. know a facility. Remote, understaffed. It shouldn't be a problem to infiltrate," He mumbled. 

   Everyone at the table seemed to become deafly silent, Crosshair's words sparking interest. All I felt from him was a deep sense of regret, which meant, whatever he was implying was not a place he thought of lightly. "Crosshair, Echo and I will go to this remote facility. Wrecker, Ashla and Omega, you stay here," Hunter spoke. I didn't pull my gaze off Crosshair, my eyes squinting at him in question. "We're finally together and you want to split us up?" Omega blurted. Crosshair met my stare, his own gaze cold and challenging. Hunter sighed, "We just got you back. I am not going to risk you two getting captured again." He didn't budge, and neither did I. "Yeah, we escaped, but I left all those clones behind. I need to do this, Hunter," Omega remarked. What was he hiding?

   Dinner was silent, and I hardly touched my plate of food before I stood up and left the garden. I felt nauseous between the still sensitive topic of Tech, trying to find intel on Tantiss, Crosshair's secrets. I felt like my mind was on the brink of destruction, unable to keep up with my own feelings. Today had been too hard, mentally. I let myself be too comfortable, and now I was right back in the same position as before. Secluded in my anxiety. I pushed open the door to my hut, kicking it closed as I crossed through the threshold. The soft hum of the Force had become deafening, but vultures still hadn't returned. I felt like I was going crazy, like I had been imagining them all along. I probably was, or maybe it was the lack of sleep I got.

   I tossed through my clothes, snagging out my shawl, long sleeve and cargo pants. I laid out the garments and started shedding off my linens, tossing them into a pile. I tugged the shirt over my head, followed by my pants. I cinched the belt around my waist, and shoved my feet into my boots. I fumbled with the gloves, sliding my fingers through the slots until they were flush with my joints, stretching my fingers out in the confines of the leather. My hands shook softly, and a weight pressed down in the back of my head. The Force gave me an ominous feeling, one that made my skin crawl. I was struggling more than I wanted to admit. There was something coming, what it was, I knew I wouldn't like.

   I dropped my hands to my sides, getting back to work on packing my necessities. I shoved a change of clothes into my sack, along with an extra blaster charge. My blaster was primed and reloaded, strapped into the holster on my hip. I tossed the shawl over my head, throwing the sack over my shoulder and leaving my hut, taking my time in going back up to topside. The sky was dark now, the moon and stars shining down in exchange of the sun. Today felt longer than any day before. I was filled with confusion, trying to pick apart my nightmares— or visions. Nothing made sense anymore, it all just blurred together into one stream of inconclusive thoughts.

   But the feeling that weighed heavy on my consciousness told me I'd be given answers soon, even if they made no sense now. I wanted answers, I wanted to know why the Force had shifted into something so dark around me. Part of me knew that it was fault, I had let myself grow weak, thus making myself susceptible to pain and suffering. Did I not deserve to grieve? If I did, how was I supposed to deal with the pain it brought me? I felt stupid. Truly and utterly dumbfounded. I once prided myself on the knowledge the Order had given me, but now, what they taught me no longer made any sense. I knew what was happening, but I didn't know how to deal with it once it got too far.

   What if I went too far? Who would stop me? Who could stop me? I was afraid, and that was the most dangerous thing for the squad to deal with. I debated leaving with Rex today, because I knew that I could leave him if need be. I should have. There's a lot of things I should have done. There was no right or wrong answer now, just the consequences of my future actions to deal with. I pinched the bridge of my nose, rubbing at the subtle pain forming behind my eyes. I needed to stop, to think. I was supposed to be a Jedi, I knew how to quell the darkness. Didn't I? I stopped in my tracks, letting my eyes fall shut. I needed an equilibrium, a middle, a line to hold onto. The Force gave me that line, but in a million pieces.

   I could follow it, but then it would trail off, completely vanishing from any perspective. When I found the next piece, it was going another direction. It was an exhausting game of chase, stretching out my focus until it inevitably snapped. I had no focus in peace, Teloth had shown me that. I protected myself because I was angry. Nothing mattered except for the line of fire the Force pulled me along, each checkpoint being exceeded every time I did what it asked of me. The darkness craved the chaos I could bring, the suffering I could inflict. I had harmed someone with the Force, merely because the tickle in my spine told me to. It had taken shock to break me from that. But if I went too far, would that be enough to stop me again?

   I gave up, just as I always did, blocking out the gentle hum of the Force begging me to stay. I continued my trek up, slowly easing the pressure from my mind out, focusing on the mission instead. It would be easy enough, if Crosshair was telling the truth and it was as understaffed as he said. The plaza was empty, save for the squad bringing in crates to Echo's ship, transferring gear and munitions. I flexed my fingers, the familiarity of the action smoothing my rising anxiety. "Good, you're here," Echo spoke, walking down the gangplank to meet me. I stopped, folding my arms over my chest, "When do we leave?" "Tonight. Just as soon as everything is packed up," He replied. 

   I nodded, my eyes trailing over the squad. Crosshair stuck to Omega like if she left him he would disintegrate. She was the only one who trusted him, but his demeanor was jarring. Hunter avoided him like the plague, but Wrecker seemed normal. As normal as Wrecker could be. I let out a slow exhale, shifting slightly. "I have some of your equipment," Echo spoke, my eyes flicking back to him. He turned, walking towards one of the crates sat outside the ramp, and I followed curiously. He pulled a sack out from the crate that contained an array of other equipment, dumping out its contents gently onto the top of another crate. I stepped forward slowly, reaching my hand out towards the vambraces.

   The comm looked new, and the buckles had been replaced from the wear they'd been through. I picked one up, inspecting it. "Rex fixed them up. He did a lot to keep himself busy when you were.. gone," He muttered. I looked up from the brace, meeting Echo's sorrowful eyes. He wanted to ask many things, and I wanted to be able to tell him. He'd been the last to see me, and then I was gone. If I hadn't left, maybe I would've never been taken to Tantiss. I sighed, unbuckling the straps, sliding the armor onto my left forearm, "I made a deal with Hemlock, as you know, in exchange for Jax to be set free." I pulled the strap through the buckle, pulling it through until it was tight enough before moving on to the next one.

   "It wasn't your fault.. I wasn't.. okay, after what happened to Tech," I murmured. He tensed at his name, but I could still feel his understanding. "Still. You weren't even well enough to walk, and I let you leave," He spoke. I grabbed the other brace, sliding it into my other forearm, "It's not your fault. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry I couldn't save him." His hand stopped my action of securing the brace, causing my eyes to lift. "It wasn't your fault. He sacrificed himself for the squad, you did what you could," He assured. I shook my head, "And it wasn't enough." He frowned, and I slowly removed my arm from his grasp. I finished strapping the brace on, adjusting them both with some shifting of the armor and rolling of my wrists. 

   "They feel good. I'll be sure to thank him when I see him next," I murmured. He cleared his throat, "I have one more thing." I looked up, watching him walk away, back into the ship. My brows furrowed, and I began to follow, but stopped at his abrupt return. My heart stammered as he approached with my lightsaber, the hilt gleaming in the soft light. That, too, looked polished, cleaner than when I had it last on Eriadu. He held it out to me, his eyes hopeful. "I took care of it," He admitted. I pulled the glove off my left hand, gripping the material hard. My fingers reached out to the hilt, brushing over the cold Haysium. The crystal within hummed at my long lost touch, and then I took it from his grasp.

   I inspected it, looking over the details in awe. I couldn't find it in me to let the discomfort of holding it rise, the beauty it had been restored to, taking me by surprise. My lips pulled into a soft smile, "It hasn't looked like this in many years.." He grunted, "It's an extraordinary weapon. It only seemed fitting to restore its appearance.." My hand tightened around the hilt, the crystal's thrum evening out into the hum of the Force. "Thank you, Echo," I whispered, looking up to him. He nodded, "Of course.. General." I rolled my eyes at the name, gaining a soft chuckle from him. He jutted his head sideways, "Come on. Let's finish up so we can get out of here."

   I looked down at the hilt one more time before hooking it to my left hip, following after. I tugged my glove back on and began to help load up the supplies, stacking them into the belly. I was filled with ease again, finally cutting off some of the burden I carried. It would never truly go away, but grief was hard to conquer. I would figure it out, and hopefully without any detrimental consequences.

Chapter Text

   I had a sickening feeling upon us dropping out of hyperspace. The feeling hadn't come from no where, Crosshair's anxiousness had practically suffocated the ship the entire flight here. My spine remained ice cold, even with my current distraction. I found some shin braces in the ship upon given the information that Barton IV was in fact, incredibly cold and icy. I flexed my legs at the knee, trying to adjust to the stiff plex of the armor. I hadn't worn armor like this since the Clone Wars. It felt like I had come full circle, going out on another unknown planet, minimal rest given in between the last event of my life. I was a soldier, even if I said I wasn't. 

   My legs tingled as I stood, my feet heavy when I stepped away from the seat. I paced the empty bay, wringing my fingers together. I didn't know what to expect, or how to feel. My mind was raging, but my body remained exhausted. The feeling of dread had returned with the insatiable sensation of wrath that boiled in my gut. How was I supposed to pretend that I was as strong as I appeared? I knew I was anything but. I missed who I was during the war. I had focus, only ever on the objective handed to me. I was never distracted, I was disciplined, a true Jedi. I had done everything asked of me, no questions asked, but now I felt hesitant in every decision I made. It wasn't supposed to feel like this.

   I deserved it. I was a Jedi, I had been part of the problem. I was part of the reason why the Republic fell in the first place, why innocent people suffered in place of my death sentence. We had been protectors at one point, and now, we were myths. I was a myth. The string in my mind had been pulled tight, every minor inconvenience snagging at it, fraying the line between the light and dark. It was being pulled too far. They wanted a General, I wanted a break. My body felt wrong, the weapon at my side felt wrong. Everything felt wrong. There was something very wrong with me, and it worsened every day. Maybe Dooku had been right all those years ago. I had anger, but I didn't use it.

   I didn't use it in fear of losing myself to it, but it gave me focus. I was shattered by the war, even if I desperately wanted to go back to it. At least then, I wasn't so alone. The constant terror, it had given me something to fight for, something to believe in. I wanted the galaxy to heal just as much as the next person. My eyes pulsed, my ears ringing with that same deafening tone I heard in the prison of my thoughts. I had been fine just hours ago, and now I was back to square one. Angry and alone. Surrounded by people who loved one another, but alone because I didn't fit the criteria. The Jedi weren't supposed to love, but I would certainly be lying if I said I didn't want to be loved.

   "You'll wear a hole in the floor," A voice remarked. I slowed to a standstill, sucking down a slow and controlled breath. I wanted nothing more from the Force than for him to just leave me alone. I looked over my gloved palms, slowly unfurling my hands from one another. I heard him scoff, his boots shifting against the durasteel floor. He was a wall, thick and unable to breach. I hated that. It made me uncomfortable to not know his intentions, his feelings, or his thoughts. I wish I possessed the power to pull his mind apart until it was laid bare for me to scavenge. I couldn't, and I wouldn't. "We're fine. Where we're going.. is fine," He mumbled.

   My head raised minimally at his assurance. How could he just forget what he said to me the night prior? He tried getting into my head, and then succeeded. Now, he was acting like he hadn't, like he wasn't the same man that nearly killed me, and betrayed his brothers. I faced him, but the words I had for him slid off my tongue. His old armor was surprising to see in place of the Imperial armor I'd grown accustomed to. He still had that stupid little piece of wood pinched in between his teeth, and his eyes were still just as cold. I forced my gaze away, "You feel anxious. That tells me otherwise." I didn't like how his eyes felt, digging into the side of my head like he knew exactly what I was thinking.

   "You look like you're going to fall apart. At least try to act like you're not afraid," He remarked. My gut churned, my teeth gritting together hard. Now was certainly not the time to argue with him, but he made it so hard to ignore. I wasn't afraid, at least, that's what I tried to tell myself. But I didn't know what we were getting into, or why the atmosphere we'd just broken through filled me with sorrow. I exhaled through my nose, slowly looking to him, "There's something you're not telling us, and I'm going to figure out what it is." His eyes seemed to narrow more at my threat, anger flaring between his anxiety. The distant chirp of the ship slowing for landing caught my attention, my eyes slowly roving over him before stepping away.

   I walked into the cockpit, stopping behind the seat Omega sat in. The view finder showed the landscape covered in the bright glow of snow, but the skies were clear for miles. "Minimal life signs. If any," Echo commented, lowering the ship down. I rocked on my feet as the ship pressed into the ice, walking towards Echo to look at the scanners with Hunter. My brows furrowed as Echo calibrated them once more to refresh the systems. "No heat signatures inside of the depots, and nothing on the comms. There's no one here," He continued, standing up. I shared a glance with Hunter, the two of us sharing a silent set of words with our eyes. I still didn't trust it, and by the looks of it, neither did he. I followed him out of the cockpit, swiping my cowl up from the crate as I passed by. 

   I tugged it over my head, adjusting the fabric around my neck until it covered my skin, pulling the hood over my head. Batcher dashed out first, followed by Wrecker and Omega, Hunter and Echo grabbing their helmets and exiting as well. I let out a slow breath, walking towards the ramp as well. The rush of cold air hit my eyes, causing them to prick with tears. The blinding scape of snow caused me to squint as I stepped out onto the ramp. I blinked hard, adjusting to the light, the cold air rushing through my layers. I stepped down the ramp, my boots crushing into the snow. It felt dense with resentment here, like something terrible had happened. Then I heard them. The vultures were back. 

   I sighed, trying to push them out of my mind, but they circled, over and over. A shiver traveled up my spine, my eyes casting to the skies above. My heart thumped to a standstill in my chest, my eyes locking on the singular bird circling overhead. It screamed again, dipping inwards to fly around the ship, back up into the sky. Did everyone else see it, or was I truly going crazy? To say I was mesmerized was an understatement. The vultures had been tormenting me for months, and now, there was a real one right above, tormenting me in real time. "Hey, it does fit," Wrecker commented. My body, once filled with confusion, melted into anger. I looked back at the ramp, Crosshair's visor tilted up to the sky. 

   He saw it, too. The tightness of his shoulders couldn't be hidden by the armor he wore, and his apprehension was loud. He was hiding something. I felt his eyes drop down on me from behind his visor, and his guard was immediately put back up. He knew, I knew. "You said this outpost was remote, not abandoned entirely," Hunter snipped. Crosshair strode past me, my eyes following him. "Well, I didn't get daily intel briefings from my cell," Crosshair replied. Hunter scoffed, and my attention was snapped away from the two. "I get the feeling there's more to this place than you're saying," Hunter accused. A soft ringing tone emitted through my head, Batcher rubbing up against my thigh before taking off.

   I watched the hound stop in the distance, her snarling and barking confirming the feeling in my gut. Omega called out to her, but I remained silent, studying her reaction. "The sensors are giving off a high-frequency tone. She must be reacting to it. What are the sensors for?" Hunter asked. Crosshair grunted, "Perimeter detection against local raiders." I glanced back at him, rolling his explanation over in my head. "You didn't think to warn us about these raiders before?" Hunter asked. Crosshair grew agitated, but not in the way I thought he would. He didn't want to talk about this. "No, they were all dealt with," Crosshair grumbled. Hunter stiffened, "And how do you know that?" 

   "Take a guess," Crosshair snapped. Killed. He killed them. I scoffed through my nose, "Just following orders?" His visor turned to me, "If you're scared, why don't you stay on the ship?" My eyes narrowed, my hand instinctively reaching for my blaster. Echo stepped in, raising a hand to break us apart, "Kill each other later. We're here for a reason. Let's crack into the data pad and get out of here." Hunter remained firm, but gave up and stalked off, Echo and Wrecker following after. I remained glaring at Crosshair until Omega placed her hand on my arm, my attention snapping to her, "Whatever is going on, stop it. We were a team, at one point. Just try to tolerate one another for once." 

    My brows furrowed, and my gaze turned upward to the sky at the vulture passed over once more. He had answers I wanted, and somehow, the vultures meant something to him, too. I scoffed, surging off away from the two. Every crunch of my boots echoed in my ears, the feeling of dread deepening with every step I took. I didn't want to be here, something in the Force told me that this place brought bad memories; memories that weren't even mine. When I reached the others, they were trying to dig out the doorway into the outpost, hardly making a dent before Batcher jumped in to have fun. I dropped down into the freshly dug out spot after Hunter, Wrecker coming in to pry open the door. 

   The door hissed open after a few pushes, but the inside was completely dark, the entire grid shut off due to the extreme temperature. My eyes swept over the area, trying to get another hint as to where we were. The pull in my chest was stronger here, the sorrow clinging to my consciousness. I continued off, looking around while the others started working on getting the systems online, brushing my hand over a crate. A thick layer of dust coated my fingers as I pulled them back. "So why'd the Empire abandon this place?" Wrecker asked. "I guess it served its purpose," Crosshair replied in annoyance. I swiped my hand over my pants, trying to get the dirt off, "Sounds familiar."

   I walked off, ignoring the daggers in my back. I found myself in another room, pulling the flashlight off my belt and flicking it on. I swept it over the room, finding nothing, yet again. My boots tapped against the floor softly as I neared a heat lamp, my fingers reaching out to it. They stalled upon feeling a presence behind me. I sucked in a slow breath, pulling my hand back, continuing to explore. "What do they mean?" I asked. He grunted, "What do you mean?" I stopped, turning my gaze to him in the dim light, "The vultures. What is their significance?" He scoffed, "You're fucking crazy. They're just birds." My eyes narrowed at him. He was lying. He turned away, walking towards the opposite corner.

   My feet followed without hesitation, my eyes watching dangerously as he knelt to the floor. I waved my flashlight over him, my heart shuttering as he picked up an abandoned helmet. "You know something, and you're going to tell me," I gritted. He stiffened, but picked up one of the helmets, setting it on top of the crate before him, "There's nothing to tell." How could he still deflect my questions when he obviously had answers? I was tired of being ignored— brushed off like my concerns meant nothing. I strained my mind hard. Mayday. What did that mean? My vision of a snowy planet— which turned out to be a moon, the vultures, the sorrow.. He stacked each of the helmets beside the first one, all clone trooper gear that had been well used. 

   My face fell, "Mayday." He went completely still. I was piecing it together, my heart racing in my chest. "Mayday," I repeated more confidently. It had gotten a reaction from him, meaning, the code word had significance to him. He stood slowly, turning to me, his eyes devoid of anything. I scoffed, "So, that means something. Tell me." "How do you know that name?" He growled lowly. My eyes hardened, "A name. A clone trooper?" He approached me, his pupils shrinking the closer he got. His anger wasn't alone, not without his pain. 'Mayday' made him crack, whoever it was. My free hand itched for my blaster as he came nearly chest to chest with me, his eyes squashing me down into near nothing. He had so much fear and anger, with no where for it to go. I felt every ounce of it, the most I'd ever felt from him. 

   The wash of his hot breath stung my cold eyes, his silence unbearable. "Who is Mayday?" I whispered. His jaw tightened, "Say it one more fucking time." That was a threat, and not an empty one. My feet reeled back until my thighs hit a crate, his body following mine. He wasn't just mad, he was furious, all because of a name. "Tell me how you know that name," He growled. I remained firm, "If you tell me the significance, I will." He shook his head, an irritated laugh falling from his lips, "I should kill you." "You should have. Long ago," I hissed. His eyes flicked between mine, his walls quickly closing back up. He went silent, everything from him went dead.

   He was too much to figure out, everything about him was one jumbled mess. One moment, I could pick bits and pieces of his truths and intentions, the next, it felt like he was dead. His heart was loud, his pulse echoing in my head rapidly from how fired up he’d gotten. Why did it have to be him? Why did he have to be the person with the answers I wanted? I couldn’t live without them, not after I had been tormented for months on end. It was almost as if he didn’t want to say the truth, in fear of actually having to recognize that it happened. He was a coward, selfish for keeping us in the dark. His brothers deserved the truth, I deserved the truth. My stomach twisted. I would be trapped in this never ending cycle of chase.

   The lights suddenly flickered on, and a wave of relief flushed over my spine. I let out a breath, relaxing as he stepped back. My chin dipped to my chest, catching myself from the tension in the room. He wasn't going to tell me anything, and he was the only one with the answers I needed. I needed to make sense of the visions I had, why the vultures pestered me without truly being there, why they had suddenly disappeared the day before. My chest clenched, my head rushing with nausea. I gasped softly, my eyes widening as I felt a new energy surge through the Force. Crosshair's attention was back on me, his irritation simmering with confusion. Pain rushed to my head, and I groaned, my knees weakening until they hit the floor. 

   My hand cupped over my eyes, and I felt him kneel beside me. "What is it?" He insisted. I strained for the connection, reaching out to find an answer to the alarms in my head. My spine flushed with heat, the tingle wracking my every nerve. "Outside— Go." I gritted out. He didn't waste a moment, leaving me where I sat. I pressed my hands to the ground, the energy surging and ebbing sporadically. Batcher padded into the room, nudging my arm. I shook my head, the pain subsiding but the feeling remaining, my eyes softening on the hound. "What is it?" I whispered. She barked in return, nudging me with insistence. I slowly stood, rubbing my hand over her head as I jogged out of the room. Omega, Echo and Wrecker looked at me in confusion, but I turned for the door and jogged out. 

   In the distance, Crosshair and Hunter were conversing intensely, but the energy grew with fervor. Batcher slid past me, barking with high alert. The ground shook, and the tug turned sharp, my hand clutching over my chest. Through the ice, a Wyrm broke free, nearly landing on the two men out in the open. The others came out behind me, yelling at the two to run quicker, my feet parting in anticipation. The Wyrm dove back under as they neared, and I felt its life force pulse, moving quickly to our position. Hunter grabbed my arm as he approached, tugging me down into the bunker. I spun around, shoving my hands out and crushing them together, the doors screaming as they were forced shut.

   The Wrym bellowed as it slammed into the door, and I fell back onto my rear from a rush of dizziness and impact. The bunker shook again, and the strain on my mind worsened momentarily before everything went quiet. Hunter held out his hand to me, and I accepted, letting him pull me up to my feet. "You alright?" He asked. I nodded, stepping back as I tried to recenter myself.  "We need to restore power to the sensor beacons," Echo demanded. The group rushed off after Echo as he moved to one of the consoles while I caught my waning breath. "Thanks for the warning," Crosshair grumbled. I huffed, waving my hand at him as I walked off towards the group. "There's a fuse box for the reserve energy grid in the back of the compound," Echo stated.

   "One of us needs to get over there and reset the grid manually," Crosshair explained, walking up from behind. "I'll do it," Wrecker volunteered. "And I can get the defense system reactivated once power's back," Omega added. Hunter sighed, "We'll have to draw the creature beyond the sensors before they reboot or we'll be trapped inside of the perimeter with that thing." I nodded, "I can." "No," Crosshair growled. "Not alone. We'll do it together," Hunter ordered. "You sure about that?" Crosshair taunted. I scoffed, stalking off from the two, pushing my hands out to the door. The others approached, but I remained silent as I focused my energy into my hands.

   "You don't have to that," Hunter assured. I ignored him, shoving the doors open swiftly, the dura steel bending irreparably. My eyes narrowed on the disrupted snow scape, stepping aside for Hunter. I let my eyes fall shut, trying to pin the energy down. It shuttered, and then ebbed, the volume decreasing. My eyes opened, and I gave Hunter a nod, following after him as he gave the go ahead. My legs pumped hard as we travelled across the ice field, the energy returning. It wrapped around, chasing us on the right, growing closer and closer.  "Three o'clock!" Crosshair yelled, blaster fire ringing out. The Wyrm wound around, breaking the surface as it surged towards Hunter. I shoved my hands out as it dove for him, shoving him out of the impact zone. 

   My feet slid, my knees crushing down into the hard surface, my hands bracing me. I looked up when I heard Hunter yell, my eyes widening on the spot he wasn't in. Crosshair jogged up to my side, grabbing my arm to try and pull me up, "You good?" I shoved his hand away, standing for myself, "I don't need your help." I didn't wait for a reply, taking off to where I last saw Hunter. The hole the Wyrm had created branched out enough to take Hunter with it, a gaping cravasse crumbling down into the darkness surrounding Hunter’s body. "Hunter!" I called out. Crosshair crouched down beside me, cursing under his breath as Hunter slowly stood. "Can you get outside the perimeter from there?" He asked. Hunter looked up at us, "I'll follow the tunnel north. Find out." 

   "I'll track you from up here," I assured, Hunter giving me a nod. I stood slowly, stumbling on my feet, my head rushing from my use of the Force. "Go back," Crosshair growled. I glared back at him, "Not an option." Batcher whined, pawing at the ground. He grumbled something along the lines of 'stupid Jedi', but I chose to ignore that. I turned from him, taking off in the direction I felt Hunter moving in. My legs screamed, my blood pumping in my ears. There were too many feelings, too many energies to follow. There was too much conflict, and it seemed the vultures were following me no matter where I went. I felt the Wyrm reappear, charging at us from the rear. Hunter was still ahead, clear of the Wyrm's radar as its sights were currently set on us.

   Crosshair fired at it a few times, causing me to stop. I looked back, watching his shots miss until one hit directly in the mouth. It bellowed again, dipping back under the surface, its energy dissipating. "I think I just made it angrier," Crosshair commented. I rolled my eyes, "You think?" He grunted, "Sorry, princess." I groaned, "Don't start." He grunted as he passed by, his visor flicking over me before he took off again. I followed after him, searching for Hunter's energy below the surface. "Four hundred meters out," Crosshair called out. I huffed, pumping my legs harder. The Wyrm's energy surged again, but past us, traveling out towards the rapidly approaching sensors. 

   When we passed the sensors, I looked back at our distance, trying to calculate the best way to get back before we were turned into food. It was open field, nothing to hide under, nothing to use to our advantage. Just my scattered mind and an ex-sniper. Batcher barked, and I slowed down beside Crosshair, my eyes flicking over the surface. I stomped my foot in various places, trying to find a weak point. Batcher sniffed around and began pawing at the snow, barking in alert. When my boot hit hollow ground, I stomped again, the ground crumbling slightly. He tapped his comm, "We found a weak point in the ice. We'll try to dig through." I pulled my lightsaber off my belt, the yellow beam bursting to life. 

   I stabbed it into the snow continuously as Crosshair fired a few rounds, Batcher rapidly digging at the weak points we made. When the ground broke through, I deactivated my blade, hooking it back onto my belt. I crouched down, looking for any sign of him. My comm blipped, "Power’s back," Omega stated, "Should I turn on the beacons?" "No!" Hunter called out, sliding into the opening, looking up at us. "Get up here!" Crosshair growled. "No. The Wyrm has to be outside the perimeter!" Hunter reminded, "Where is it? I can't find it!" The vulture above screamed, my head tilting upwards. It taunted me still, laughing at my weakness. The string attached to my chest was tugged and let go, a constant game of cat and mouse. 

   I ducked my head down, pinching my eyes shut. I'm one with the Force, and the Force is with me. I let out a slow exhale, my gloved hands sinking into the snow. The distant rumble of energy travelled up my spine, my fingers fisting the snow. Energy pulsed in my hands, the Force limping through my connection and into the moon. It rumbled again, a dull ache forming behind my eyes. Crosshair was completely silent, but his gaze was hard. Everything I had ever trained for counted right now, and I felt like a fool for not being able to do something so simple. I was drawing on the minimal life the moon offered, forcing every ounce of my energy into tracking the Wyrm. 

   The vulture screamed again, and then the tug snapped tight. I heard the cry of the Wyrm in my mind, feeling its rough edges scrape through its deep tunnels. It was outside of the perimeter. My eyes snapped open, "Pull him up— now!" I tapped the comm on my wrist as Crosshair called out to Hunter, "Omega, activate the sensors!" "Bringing them online now," She reported. I looked back at the sensor, the beam winding up slowly. Crosshair had tossed down his rifle, slowly pulling Hunter up. The Wyrm bellowed again, and I shoved my hands out, curling my fingers in. I helped tug Hunter up with the remaining energy I could muster, the Force cradling his body gently. 

   I fell back on my rear as he breached the surface, this time letting Crosshair pull me to my feet to begin running. My feet skid across the ice, the Wyrm breaking through the ice behind us. My lungs strained for air, the frigid air burning from how hard I was breathing. I was exhausted, and with the Force continuing to resist me, it was only growing worse. The sensor we approached flickered, my stomach twisting. No tone emitted from it, and that made my nerves run haywire. I dropped back slightly behind Hunter, Crosshair and Batcher, sucking in a sharp breath. I shoved them past the sensor with the Force, sliding to a stop at the beacon as they crossed through. It didn't matter how much my body burned for rest, or how my mind was breaking down. I wouldn’t let them die here.

   I pressed my hands out towards the Wyrm as it approached, my feet sinking into the snow. The weight bore down on my joints, my shoulders pressing into my back. The Wyrm screamed, my face tightening into pain. I was being pushed backwards with every strain the Wyrm made, trying to hold off while I gave the beacon time to activate. I looked up at the Wyrm with struggle, its gaping mouth mere feet from ending my existence. I grunted as my feet slid back again, my hands shaking as I pressed them harder. I wasn't strong enough, I was never strong enough. But I didn't feel the vultures circling me in that moment, not after a set of hands pressed to my back to keep me from sliding back further.

   His helmet dropped over my shoulder, his own panting and grunting against the strength crackling through the vocoder. "You’re doing good, Jedi," He gritted. I whined as my arms tired out, my mind crumbling into pieces. It wasn't just me holding it back, nor the Force. His touch burned as always, but it fed power into my action, confusing me completely. I felt the pressure lighten, a sharp trill emitting. The Wyrm backed off completely, letting out a roar in fury. Crosshair's hands kept me from falling forward as my body went limp, the two of us falling back into the snow. I panted softly, my eyes remaining on the Wyrm as it screamed once more, crawling back and forth to find a way in.

   His hands remained light, holding me up against his chest as the Wyrm eventually gave up and descended back into the ice. He didn't say anything, nor did he move, letting me catch my breath while giving complete silence. It was an odd feeling, one I didn't like whatsoever. He was holding me, and I was letting him. "Can you stand?" He muttered, sitting up slightly, the snow squeaking under us. I nodded gently, "I believe so." The soft crunching of boots approached us, Hunter holding a hand out to me. I accepted it, letting him pull me up to my feet swiftly. "That was some move, there. You alright?" He asked. I coughed a few times, "Yes. I am, thank you." 

   He helped Crosshair stand as well, and I hugged my arms over my chest. Now, nothing made any sense. This place had made my mind spiral out of control with the Force revealing the depths of my vision. I knew now that the snowstorm I had been in was from here, and that Crosshair had a deep connection to this place as well. What I didn't understand is why he was able to make the vultures stop. I hadn't failed this time because he helped, and I didn't know how that made me feel. I strode away from his gaze, Batcher trotting after me. I wasn't filled with exhaustion like I was before, a new power fueling my bones. It meddled in the pain and rage, filling me with a new fear. I felt powerful, and I liked it.

-

   While the squad worked on digging out the ship, I remained in the bunker after Echo checked me for injuries. He was right about one thing, I needed to rest. I would use Gasyl's sleeping tonic when we got back to Pabu, and hopefully, it would provide what I needed. The five helmets staring back, filled me with that same sorrow of when I got here. The men they belonged to were no longer alive due to the regime they served. They weren't stormtroopers, they were clones, the same men I had served with. They died cold, alone, and forced by their superiors. It wasn't fair, none of it was fair. How could we have let this happen?

   I asked myself that nearly everyday, and I never had an answer for myself. The clones had suffered just as much, if not more, than the Jedi. The Jedi were at least eradicated, dwindled down into near nothing, while the clones were used and discarded. These men died serving something they didn't even believe in. What was there to believe in? Could the galaxy ever recover from something of this magnitude? It felt like the Empire had been ruling for a lifetime, yet it hadn't even been two years since its birth. My mentality had changed from fearful and anxious, to vengeful indignation. I still felt that taste of revenge clutched up in my throat.

   I didn't feel cold anymore, just numb, unfeeling. My mind felt torn apart, the Force once again avoiding my reach for it. I craved that contact again, the lost warm connection it cradled me with. I wanted to be caught, to be pulled back up from the eruption beneath my feet. Who was there to turn to? Everyone was dead, and I felt halfway there as well. It didn't matter anymore, how was I supposed to avoid the inevitable now? The sooner I accepted the truth, the easier it would be. Let the darkness consume, and the pain will cease. A soft exhale hissed through my teeth. I was crazy. I stepped towards one of the helmets, sliding my fingers over the cold plastoid. 

   Harsh memories clung to the armor, whispers of pain and fear. My heart sunk deeper as I latched onto the memory, letting their tears seep into my soul. It felt like a sickness, retching my gut in circles, just as it did for the soldier. Why couldn't anything be fair? Why did so many innocent people have to suffer for a 'greater purpose'? The helmet was wrapped in a dingy cloth, presumably fastened there in hopes to keep the cold out. They hadn't even been provided a small amount of comfort in a place of inevitable death. This man didn't die alone, though. He died in the comfort of someone else's presence, someone who broke down into pieces shortly after.

   I sighed, "Is this him?" He'd nearly felt invisible when he entered the room, but the tension heightening confirmed. Crosshair didn't move, but I knew where his eyes were. I let my hand slide to the side of the helmet, brushing my thumb over the rebreather. Mayday. The vision I'd had before we went to Eriadu, was about Mayday. The vultures had come from this place, because they'd taken Mayday after he was gone. I didn't know Mayday, but I knew Crosshair. Crosshair was the comfort that Mayday was provided with. I pulled my hand away slowly, my hand dropping to my side in a fist. Nothing made any sense. Why did I have to suffer Crosshair's pain?

   While the bigger picture had been put together, I was still missing pieces. The ache behind my eyes returned, and I felt his presence step closer. "Did you betray him?" I whispered. He didn't give resistance, which put me off. He stopped beside me, looking down at the helmet of his fallen comrade. He looked terrible, and for a moment, I actually felt bad for him. Even with the many terrible things he'd done, Jax was right. Crosshair had changed. How much, I still wasn't sure. He exhaled, "I killed an Imperial officer. So, yes. I did betray someone. Just not him." My brows softened, my eyes sliding over his trembling hand. Then he was sent to Tantiss for it. His hand curled into a fist, the tremor subsiding.

   I hated myself. I hated myself because I couldn't hate him in that moment. I wished he would have said something completely different, something that aligned with his past terrors. Instead, he'd finally had enough, and did something about the corrupt regime. The air around him was suffocating, clamping down around my lungs. I didn't want to move, because somehow, I knew he was in just as much agony as I was. He was right, yet again, I was just as fucked up as he was. Two completely different experiences, and yet, we somehow both ended up in the same position. Unwanted and destroyed. My lips twitched, "I'm sorry he had to die."

   He grunted, "So am I."

-

   -21 BBY-

   Location: Coruscant.

   Kael’s diner was the most busy it had ever been. My fingers rolled over the tabletop anxiously, my knee bobbing. I hadn’t reported back to the Council for a debrief after what happened on Adari, I simply landed, and came straight here. My head raced with failure. Mick was killed by Dooku, and I could have prevented it. I had already cried enough, my eyes dried out completely. My head pounded in agony, my still soaked boots overstimulating me. Anxiety. I had never felt it so deeply before. My master had taught me how to coax my own relaxation, but it wasn’t working; not in this instance. It felt like my throat was closing, like everyone knew my every thought.

   The clone troopers scattered around the diner, completely stress free and relaxed spiked my anxiety. They were so happy, but out there, on dangerous planets, they couldn’t be. We were ripping their lives apart, whether they were bred for fighting or not. I wanted nothing more than to crawl under a rock, hide from duty, hide from the Council and the Republic. That wouldn’t be fair— not when so many of them fought and died to keep their respective General’s safe. I felt sick, and I surged to my feet. I began winding through the throngs of people, trying to choke down some sort of breath. Why did I even come here? I wasn’t ready to tell Kael, even if he couldn’t actually know.

   I knew by the glances I received I looked ridiculous. I had torn off my robes in a rush, my under clothes stained from mud and rain. I probably smelled awful, too. The pain in my chest wouldn’t subside no matter how many breaths I took, my skin burning every time I bumped into someone. I needed help. I needed to get away from everyone— everything. A hand wrapped around my forearm, tugging me back, my heart leaping up into my throat. It was quick, and I was caught completely off guard as I was pulled from the crowd into a separate corridor. Their touch burned just as bad, if not, worse. His identity filled me with immediate suspicion, but he didn’t look as bothered as usual.

   He pushed me towards the wall, not inching any closer to provide me with the space I needed. His cold brown eyes didn’t seem so cold, not in the lighting the diner emitted. My chest heaved, and my eyes pricked again. His brow pinched, his body shifting to keep me from anyone’s view. “Relax,” He murmured. I could hardly hear him over the clamor of the troopers and patrons, but the unnatural gentle tone he spoke in made my mind shutter. My lungs felt weak, and my limbs went numb. I wasn’t going to cry again, not in front of Crosshair. He had never been anything but cruel, but he was standing there, shielding me from everyone in the room. He still didn’t move, and his expression never changed.

   A tear slid down my cheek. My mind split open, breaking down until it was left in pieces. I was everything he said I was; weak and a fraud. I hated him. I hated that he was right. My chest shuttered in a desperate attempt to fill my wavering lungs. He stayed, unmoving. Another tear fell, and I finally turned away, letting them rush down my face. I thought I had been done crying, but as usual, I was wrong. My shoulders shook, my hands cupping over my ears. Loud. Everything was so loud. I was going to break. I couldn’t do it anymore. “Breathe,” He muttered, this time, his voice next to my ear. My spine flushed with ice, but my fingers relaxed, my nails pulling from my skin.

   He never touched me. He never rose his voice. He was patient, something I didn’t even know he was capable of. My shoulders did soften, and my breaths came easier, my eyes drying out completely, this time. “Good,” He assured. I didn’t know why it was him of all people, but the Force must’ve had a reason. 

Chapter Text

   "Gasyl!" I called out, setting down yet another crate along the wall. The sweat was practically drenching my entire body at this point, and Gasyl had been ignoring my requests for help. It had been two days since our return from Barton IV, and I had been working myself sick. Gasyl's sleep tonic helped— until it didn't. I slept hard, until I inevitably woke up in the middle of the night. They weren't my normal nightmares, not the ones with parts I could piece together and make sense of. They were dreams of things that hadn't even happened. Visions were hard to decompress, since they weren't the same as nightmares, but I didn't know what these were, because I only felt things from them.

   It was a dark feeling, and I always woke up in a pool of sweat, without the chance of returning to sleep. Whatever it was, it was wracking my soul to its core. So I worked. Everyday, early and late, no matter where, or with who. I worked. Gasyl had run out of tasks for me one day, which was surprising, and then I invited myself on her delivery runs. It didn't matter what it was, I couldn't sit still. Even Gasyl had noticed my weirdness, sending me home with a slew of herb bundles and tonics, creating a relaxation regimen. None of it worked, no matter how hard I tried. Trepidation had become my closest friend, and I tiptoed around everyone— including myself.

   Things had grown progressively better, though. At least for Crosshair. His brothers had finally talked through their issues, and it seemed that there was less tension. Omega was happier, of course she was. All she wanted was for her family to actually be a family. That still left me in an awkward position. I was avoiding the squad, yet again, moreover, Crosshair. I couldn't wrap my head around what happened on Barton IV, and quite frankly, I knew I never would. Trying to get a straight answer from Crosshair was like trying to tame a Nexu— impossible. I could live with what I did know, even if it was the bare minimum.

   I huffed again as I stumbled, the crate slipping from my grasp and onto the floorboards. Maybe the constant working wasn't a good distraction. "Gasyl!" I called out again. The door chimed, and I sighed, pushing back the loose strands of my hair sticking to my damp forehead. A man walked in, assumably looking for Gasyl. I scoffed softly, going back to moving the crate. If he could find her, I'd be surprised, since I had been calling for her for the past thirty minutes. My arms strained as I pulled the crate up off the ground, my feet shuffling as I carried it through the isle. I stopped in my tracks when the man appeared at the end, rushing towards me.

   He grabbed the crate from the other side, "Where to?" "Ah— you don't have to," I started. He shook his head, relieving me of the crates weight, "I insist." My lips twitched, but I settled, sliding past him to guide him to the correct spot. He followed, setting the crate atop another that I had gestured to. I sighed, "Thank you, even though that wasn't necessary." He hummed, "It's no issue." He smiled, his green eyes contrasting to his tanned skin, a proper island air to him. I cleared my throat, looking back to the crates I would now have to unpack, "If you're looking for Gasyl, good luck. She's probably run off." I pulled open the top, setting the wood slab aside.

   "Ah, yes. I'm not, though," He spoke, piquing my curiosity. I glanced over my shoulder, "Looking for something?" His eyes were mischievous, in an innocent way. I quirked a brow. "You don't remember me?" He asked. I stood straight, my cheeks blooming with warmth in embarrassment. Had I even met this man before? If I had, I certainly didn't know his name. He laughed, "I was here a few days ago. Nearly made you drop some vials." He did look familiar upon his clarification, but now I was certain I wasn't told his name. "My apologies. I do recall," I started, wiping my sweaty hands over my pants.

   "Caldor," He introduced, sticking out his hand. My brows rose marginally, but I humored him, shaking his hand, "Ashla." His grip was firm, and the aura he emitted was welcoming, easing my embarrassment from earlier. "Ashla. Interesting name," He commented. I pulled my hand back, stuffing both of them in my back pockets, "Thank you.. What brings you in?" He flashed me his teeth, "Just wanted to stop in, introduce myself." I nodded, "Well, it's nice to make your acquaintance." His eyes softened, offering a soft dip of his chin, "You as well, Ashla." Although it wasn't my name, it was nice that he accepted it. It just felt odd having to lie to someone who seemed genuine.

   "If you're free sometime, I'd like to get to know you," He offered, unexpectedly. Realization crashed down over me, and my jaw dropped. The back of my neck pricked with sweat, and the heat had returned to my cheeks. I tried to fabricate a response, but the words failed to form. Thankfully, Gasyl decided to make an appearance, winding around the counter from the back office. He didn't regress, simply winking in my direction as he turned to leave, "Let me know." I watched him exit the shoppe with a still slack jaw, and a racing pulse that wouldn't quell on its own. Gasyl swiped her hands together, coming up to my side, "Did he need something, dear?"

   I slammed my mouth shut, clearing my throat and shaking my head, "No. Nothing at all." She hummed, "Oh, you got everything moved. Thank you!" I grumbled out a soft confirmation, turning back to the crate I had started. Today had been a complete disaster. The day dragged on as usual, Gasyl running out of things for me to do before I was sent off. It wasn't like I had anything better to do than sit at home, alone. I didn't mind that, I enjoyed where I lived. Everything was visible from my hut, and the life around seemed like one of those cheesy holofilms I liked as a kid in the Temple. I smiled softly to myself at the memory, looking up from my feet as I neared my hut.

   I shuffled around my hut as the sun dipped down into the water, the buttery sunlight waning away. I was put off by the invitation Caldor offered, but it was flattering nonetheless. It wasn't something I knew I could indulge in, and it wasn't fair to harm yet another persons safety. I had enough demons to quell on their own, friendship would only further deepen my slackened grip on the light. I tipped the small vial of blue serum into my brewing tea, three drops exactly as Gasyl instructed, stirring the liquid gently. I capped the vial, grabbed my cup and strode towards the couch. The steaming lavender herbal filled my senses, my body further sinking into the cushions.

   The liquid washed over my tongue, the serum coating the back of my throat. The sooner I fell asleep, the better. I hated sleeping, but I hated being awake, more. I knew it wasn't healthy to work myself into the ground, and then rely on medicinal herbs to keep me in bed. I knew I wasn't okay, but as long as everyone else around me was, that would suit me. I felt lonely, but I had grown to welcome the feeling. It was better than talking about how I felt, not when everyone else had issues of their own. I was content. As content as one could be in my situation. If the Empire could one day believe I was dead, I'd like to stay here until my last.

   I had thought about it so often that it had become a maladaptive daydream. I dozed off to a completely different universe, one where I was just a normal girl. I felt like I was beginning to accept my situation, in a depressing way. I was alright with my daydreams, they didn't hurt nearly as bad as they used to. I sighed through my nose into my tea.

   I could wait for it.

-

   My head rolled sideways, and then I was jolted, my eyes snapping open. I slowly propped myself up to my elbows, my chest heaving as if I had just been scalded by cold water. The dirt beneath my body was smoking in places, and fire crackled over a few dead stumps. The silence around me was deafening besides the residual sight of destruction. My chest hurt, like I'd been punched, along with my aching limbs burning for rest. I rolled over onto my side, slowly pressing my hands into the dirt, pushing myself to my feet. There was nothing around, the haze had blocked out anything further than five feet out in front of me.

   My feet pulled me forwards into the haze, completely on their own. I hadn't commanded them to do so, but I didn't feel apprehensive about it. My eyes felt heavy, the dirt clinging to them uncomfortably. I couldn't remember what had happened, or if anything had happened. The Force was silent, which was odd in itself. I tried reaching through it, but it didn't reflect anything back. I accepted that. The ground was uneven, but it seemed I was familiar with the terrain, navigating it with ease. Then two people appeared through the haze, unmoving in front of a ship. I knew them, somehow. I stopped beside the two, receiving a nod from them both.

   Did I know them? Why did they have so much fear? They stepped aside, allowing me access into the ship, and I went. The ship was unlike anything I'd ever been in, sleek and seemingly untouched. It wasn't until I passed by a familiar signet on the paneling inside that I knew where I was. Still, I wasn't afraid. Why wasn't I afraid? I walked all the way towards the cockpit and sat, priming the thrusters and preparing for takeoff. I felt the other two sit down behind me, their silent fear still confusing me. Then I flew the ship off world and through the atmosphere, taking off into hyperspace.

-

   I roused from my sleep, my head raising from the back of the couch. My mouth was dry, and my eyes still felt stuffy. The sun was long gone, and the tea had gone cold. I hadn't been jolted from my dreams as usual, which put me on edge. In fact, this time I had seen things, felt things. I had answers, somewhat. I didn't know what the answers were to, or what any of what I had just felt meant. It wasn't as if it mattered, it was still the middle of the night, meaning, the serum had only worked for a while. I stood with a groan, grabbing my cup off the table and walking to the kitchen, setting the cup in the basin. I grabbed the canister of water beside the tap, unscrewing the lid.

   I took a deep swig, the refreshing liquid hydrating my dry mouth. I probably slept with my mouth open, again. I screwed the cap back on and waltzed out of the kitchen to the back porch. I pushed the door open and slid out towards the railing, leaning over it. The waves were calm, just as the sky was. I kept expecting the vultures to come back, but they had yet to return. Nothing that had happened on Barton IV made any sense. As much as I told myself that I accepted what I knew, part of me wanted to demand Crosshair to say more. That was wishful thinking. He was avoiding me like I was diseased, but so was I. I sighed, letting my head hang. Something told me he got closure.

   I wanted closure. I wanted a lot of things, none of which, I would get. I let myself sink into a different place, my eyes falling shut. Back on my home planet, with my people, possibly people who were my family. I had made up pictures of what I thought my mother and father looked like, pretended that maybe I had a sibling or two. If I tried hard enough, I was sure I could remember a thing or two from before the Temple. Something told me I was an older sister. I was told that I was brought to the Temple around the age of three, which was normal, but I wondered if that meant my siblings knew I existed. I wondered if they thought of me, like I thought of them.

   After the purge, I was sure they assumed I was dead, which was for the better. Them knowing of my survival would only bring pain. All I ever did was bring pain. My eyes fluttered open, and I was still stuck staring down at my wound up hands. Crosshair got everything he wanted in the end. If I had felt his pain, why wasn't I allowed to feel his relief? It must've been some sort of cruel joke, a punishment of sorts. I wasn't sure what the Force was trying to show me, maybe that I hadn't been the Jedi I was supposed to be, or maybe that bad people always won in the end. Was Crosshair really that bad of a person? He had been, that wasn't to be confused.

   But was he actually different, now? My head was spinning around so quickly that I had actually begun to feel sorry for him. Maybe it had been his actions on Lau, furthermore, Barton IV. He was hurt and angry, just as I was, but he eventually gave me something. Even if it was minimal. I wanted more, but I knew I wasn't supposed to. He had vanquished the vultures, and then the exhaustion. The Force really was toying with me. The one person who had never made me feel valid in my position of power was now the one I depended on for answers. He wouldn't give them up so easily, and I wouldn't ask. That was why I was okay with what I knew.

   I shuffled around my hut some more until the sun rose a few hours later, leaving after a quick shower. I took my time in traveling to Gasyl's, trying to shove last nights vision from my head. Something about its context filled me with fear, though I couldn't remember why. I found myself growing distant from rational thinking, desperation taking hold. Was it truly so wrong for me to crave answers to my pain? Of course, I had behaved irrationally in moments of weakness, like on Teloth and Barton IV, but it was only because I needed to protect them. That's what I blamed it on. I knew it was, it was attachment. After Tech's death, something inside of me snapped for good.

   I was weakened. Even just looking at any one of the brothers, I could see Tech in them. They missed him, and probably never got the chance to grieve him because of what Hemlock did.

   Because of what I did.

   My head rushed with dizziness, and I nearly curled over from the twinge of nausea creeping up in my throat. My chest burned hot, and I strained myself to remain standing. Things were getting worse than I thought. I sucked down a long breath, swallowing back the bile that rose up to my tongue. The harsh thump of my heart in my chest felt like I'd run a mile, exhaustion already taking hold of my mind. I couldn't keep doing this. I sighed, forcing my feet forward to continue towards their destination, trying to clear my mind. "Ashla!" I slowed once again, looking over my shoulder. Caldor approached with a wide smile, his jog slowing to a stop beside me.

   I dipped my chin softly to him, "Caldor." He was partially out of breath, but his smile never wavered. "Where you headed so early?" He asked. I blinked, "Just a walk. Then, work." He nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets, "Did you think about my offer?" My throat tightened, and I found myself speechless. My stomach twisted when I remembered his question from the previous day, but I schooled my embarrassment. I didn't really know him, and talking to people I didn't know unnerved me. Still, his hopeful gaze made my tongue dry out, making me let out a sigh. "Sure," I conceded. His smile got even wider, if possible, "Great. Follow me, I know a place." He walked off ahead of me, and I followed dejectedly.

   He led me to a cafe I hadn't been to before, but I appreciated the outdoor seating. The sun was still low, keeping the morning air cool and refreshing. I shifted in my seat, my eyes remaining glued on the caf actively being poured into my cup. Everything about the situation made me uncomfortable, and the silence was only eating away at me. I grabbed my cup, taking a sip of the dark liquid, a soft laugh producing from Caldor. I put the cup down, raising a brow at him. He shook his head, stirring the cream and sugar into his caf, "I didn't take you for drinking it black." I looked down at my own caf, the dark liquid making me self conscious, "Uh.. I haven't had it any other way."

   I lived off of instant caf during the war, and never had a reason to drink it before hand. Cream and sugar was a luxury, and not something I ever had on hand. He hummed, "Everyone has their preference." I nodded, slowly raising my cup to take another sip. The bitterness hit me with a wave of energy, but also disgust. I hadn't really thought of adding anything to it before, and now, I felt weird for not doing so. He cleared his throat, setting his cup on the table loudly, "So, where you from?" I set my cup down slowly, my mouth drying at his question. I swallowed hard, "Coruscant." His brows raised marginally, "Coruscant," A low whistle slid from his teeth, "Your accent sounded familiar, but I didn't expect Coruscant."

   My brows furrowed, and my fingers wrapped around the cup a little tighter. Accent? I thought it had all but mellowed out, since I'd been off world for so long. His eyes widened, "No— no that wasn't an insult, I swear." I blinked, my mouth dropping open, "I didn't take it as so." He looked horrified at my expression, but he slowly nodded his head. He was an open book, everything he felt was practically suffocating the air around us. He was nervous, and embarrassed for his earlier statement, but he was also just content overall. It must be nice to be so naive. He leaned back, "So, Coruscant. Your family must've been pretty affluent." My cheeks warmed. I found myself caught in a lie.

   "I wasn't.. fortunate or anything. I hardly made it through academy," I murmured, bringing the cup back up to my lips. He leaned forward into the table, "Academy? Then, you're smart, is what you're saying." I scoffed softly, "Hardly. I barely made it through." He laughed, "But you still attended an academy. That's something." My brows furrowed, "I suppose." I was a mediocre Jedi at best, and hardly one even now. "What academy did you go to?" He asked. My heart dropped. How much did he know about Coruscant? What if he caught me in a lie? I swallowed thickly, "Tenly. A lower level school— small but affordable."

   He shrugged, "Never heard of it," taking another sip of his caf. I took in a slow breath, chugging down the rest of my caf in relief. He grabbed the kettle and poured me another serving. Despite everything in my gut telling me to run away and never look back, I stayed, trying to cool down my rapidly growing distress. I cleared my throat, sliding the cup away. "Where are you from?" I asked softly. He was quick to situate himself, "Lothal." I nodded, "I've heard good things about the people there." He stiffened at my conclusion, letting out a deep exhale."Yeah.. Before the Empire, at least," He mumbled. I looked up at him, my lips twitching at his obvious change in demeanor.

   My fault. The Jedi were at fault. How could I have forgotten that the people of Pabu were the product of displacement? He tapped the table gently, my eyes flicking up to his face. "You okay?" He asked. My brows softened, and I nodded, "Yes. I'm just sorry for you." He smiled gently, "We're both here for the same reason, right? No need." I nodded, pulling my cup up to my mouth to take a deep gulp.

   We were not both here for the same reasons.

   Once I had finally gotten away from Caldor's uncomfortable questions, I headed for work. The entire conversation had set me on edge for the day, making me loathe even deciding to go to work. I should've gone home, tried to rest at least somewhat. My chest weighed heavy with the feeling of dread. Something was coming, and if my dream had anything to do with it, it was nothing good. I pushed the door to Gasyl's shoppe, kicking it shut behind me. I strode to the front counter, swiping up her clipboard of tasks for the day. "Gasyl? I'm here," I called out, raking my eyes over the list. I flipped through the sheets, my heart sinking more and more as I looked at its contents.

   I let the clipboard hang at my side, "Gasyl?" I got no response a second time. My eyes narrowed, and I slowly walked back towards the counter. I frowned at the soft tug at my chest, my jaw clenching slightly. She was here, I felt her. I set the clipboard down, walking around the counter into the back, my eyes tracing over the mess. I sighed, "Gasyl?" I continued down the corridor to the back office, stopping outside of the cracked door. I placed my hand over it, but stalled upon hearing soft sniffling from inside. The tug loosened, and I let my head hang. I lifted my hand, rapping my knuckles against the door. I pushed it opened gently, "Gasyl?" She was sat at her desk, looking down at a holopic.

   I slowly stepped into the room, walking towards her hunched over form. Her distress was loud, and her soft sniffling continued. I slid my hand over the back of the chair, "Gasyl..?" She didn't move, and my eyes flicked over to the holopic. There was a man, a young boy, a young girl, and her. Gasyl looked less frantic in the holopic, happier, lighter. She let out a wavering breath, "It's been a year, today." My brows furrowed, and I shifted to the side of her, "Since?" She tapped the frame of the holopic, another tear sliding down her cheek. My heart throbbed, and I held back the bile in my throat. Gasyl, despite her overwhelming personality, had become an attachment.

   She was personable, even with her moments. My hand clenched over the back of the chair, my skin growing hot. "What happened?" I whispered. She slowly traced her fingers over the frame, "The Empire enslaved our people.." I was filled with a fire I had never felt before, and I knew exactly where it was coming from. I slowly knelt down beside her, slipping my hand over hers, "Tell me everything."

-

   Jillium. Gasyl was from Jillium. It hadn't been too long ago that I was there, breaking up a Separatist brigade. She had been there, with her family. Gasyl had been lucky to get out when the Empire invaded, but her family was not. It was enough to ruin my day, and I refused to let her stay at the shoppe. After I had gotten her home and made her some tea, I closed up her shoppe and tended to the list she left. I was able to get the objectives done quicker with light use of the Force, angrily shoving things around. The rage I had felt when she told me everything that had happened stuck with me. It left a sour taste in my mouth, and no amount of caf would quell it.

   I wanted to go to Jillium to find her family, but there were too many risks. I'd have to go alone, merely because it was something I wanted to do on my own volition. Gasyl was a broken woman, and did well at hiding it. The joy she had in helping people medically stemmed from her motherly nature. It sickened me that she could no longer actually care for her own children. I shoved a crate through the shoppe with a flick of my fingers, flipping through the list once more. This was a necessary distraction from my feelings. I feared what I might do if I actually made the decision to go or not. Slavery was one of the worst things the galaxy possessed, and the Jedi never did much to stop it.

   It was such a large part of monetary trade, that the Republic probably would have fallen without it. Slavery was everywhere, like a leech, praying on the less fortunate, all while putting evil on a pedestal. We were all slaves in one way or another, most people just didn't know it. Either way, Gasyl's family was trapped, and I had no way of knowing if they were alive or not. I still had some sort of logical thinking, and I wouldn't let what happened on Teloth happen again. I would figure out a way to help Gasyl, one way or another. I shoved another crate towards the wall, continuing my separate task.

   It was sunset by the time I finished, locking up the shoppe and heading off for the night. My head still swirled with Gasyl's distress, and I could practically feel it tugging me to her. With Caldor and Gasyl both shedding a little light on their situations, it opened up feelings I wanted to ignore. It only made the pain and anger fester beneath the surface, knowing I was powerless against the bigger enemy. I used to be so afraid of the Empire. Not that I didn't still hold some sort of fear of it, but I wanted to make them feel the same pain. It was revenge that I craved, and it ran my daily life. If I went my separate way..

   I could act on my need for it.

   "Ashla!" I looked up in time to see Omega jogging towards me, and large smile on her face. She stopped before me, grabbing onto my hand, "Join us for dinner?" My brows softened, "Omega—" "Please," She begged, her bottom lip jutting out. My lips threatened to break into a smile at her attempt, my shoulders sagging, "Alright." She beamed, tugging me immediately. I let her pull me along, a soft smile pulling at my lips. She let me go when we reached Shep and Lyana's, opening the gate for me as we stepped up to the back garden. She jogged off towards Lyana while I found myself a spot at the table.

   "We didn't think you'd turn up," Hunter spoke. Wrecker laughed, "But we're glad you did!" I smiled haphazardly at Wrecker, looking away as a plate was set down in front of me. Shep offered a warm smile to me, filling my cup with water before stepping away. "Where's Echo?" I asked, looking over at the two. Hunter sighed, "He's in the ship. He's still trying to make sense of the data from the data pad." I nodded softly, reaching over the table to fork some food onto my plate. The gate squealed again, and I glanced over to it, my motion stopping. Crosshair strode over to the table slowly, sitting down opposite of me. I stabbed the food a little harder, pulling my arm back.

   Omega and Lyana came to sit down, both on either side of me. The silence was thick, and I kept feeling Hunter and Wrecker share glances over me. I assumed it was because Crosshair was sitting there, but I had made it a point to focus on my food instead of him. I bit down on the slab of meat, chewing the honeyed delight. My stomach threatened to give it back to my mouth despite its wonderful taste, but I forced it down my throat. "So.. Who were you with this morning?" Omega asked. My chewing stalled, and I glanced over to her sideways. I swallowed, "What?" She waved her fork at me, "You know, that guy? I saw you on my way to the docks this morning."

   My cheeks warmed slightly at her outward explanation on my personal life. Wrecker chuckled, "Ahh, got somethin' to tell us?" I glared at him, "Absolutely not. It was just caf." Omega gasped, and Lyana giggled beside me. "Uh huh, just caf," Wrecker teased. "Enough, you two," Hunter warned, but I still felt his knowing gaze on me. I scoffed, "Is it a crime for me to know people outside of you all?" Omega giggled, "No. But it was a man you were with." I frowned, "So?" "So, that could mean something," Lyana added in. I looked over to her, "You, too?" The two girls giggled, leaving me dumbfounded. Wrecker had a large smirk on his face, and Hunter was trying to keep his lips from twitching.

   My eyes narrowed, "Am I missing something?" A hand slammed on top of the table, the dishes clinking brashly. My eyes snapped to Crosshair, who was glaring into my head. "Are you dense?" He asked. My glare intensified on him, "Excuse me?" "They're implying that you went on a date, idiot," He spat. My eyes widened, warmth rushing to my face, "A date? What? No— that's not what it was!" He scoffed, "Really? You don't tolerate just anyone." "What's that supposed to mean?" I gaped. He stood up, leering over the table, "You avoid us, hide away at the apothecary— but you're fine with everyone else?" My heart slammed into my ribcage, "That's not—"

   "That's not what, Ashla?" He snapped. "Crosshair, back off," Hunter warned, standing to his feet. I stood as well, my shock fading away into anger, "What's your issue?" "My issue? What's yours? You keep acting like someone you're not," He retorted. I scoffed, "Someone I'm not? Do tell." He leaned in, his eyes zeroing in on mine, "You act like a Jedi, but you fail to remain one." The blood left my face, draining from my chest and into my hands. "Crosshair," Hunter snapped. Wrecker had also gotten up, nervously glancing between us. "Say that again," I growled. Omega grabbed onto my arm, "Ashla." "You're not a Jedi. You're a fraud," He gritted.

   My hands curled into fists, my mind going blank with anger. I slid my arm from Omega's grasp, cocking it back, letting my fist fly into Crosshair's jaw. He stumbled back, and I clamored over the table, shoving him back into the railing. I wound my arm back for another swing, but Wrecker pulled me off Crosshair before I could let it loose. "Enough! Both of you!" Hunter snapped, stepping between Crosshair and I. I fought against Wreckers hold, seething through my teeth as Hunter checked on Crosshair. Crosshair didn't look very affected by my punch, but his busted lip was enough to please me. "Go to the ship and cool down," Hunter ordered.

   Crosshair's eyes darkened on me, spitting his blood at my feet, "Sir, yes, sir." I growled through my teeth as he walked away, still fighting Wreckers grip. Hunter sighed in exasperation, turning to face Omega once Crosshair left, "You two, go inside." Omega looked disappointed in me, and Lyana looked frightened, the two going inside without further word. I slowly stopped fighting Wreckers grip, going lax. I avoided Hunters disappointed glare, shrinking in on myself. "What the fuck was that?" He asked. Wrecker let me go, and I stumbled forward into the railing. I shook my head, "He started it—" "I don't care. You cannot just throw punches at the team, especially not in front of the kids," He grilled.

   I leaned over the railing, palming my forehead. My skin was boiling hot, and a cold sweat had pricked over the back of my neck. The darkness was tugging at all the corners in my mind, hazing over my rational thinking.

   It's getting worse. Give in.

   "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I get that what he said wasn't right, but seriously, what has gotten into you?" Hunter snapped. My hand gripped the railing harder, and my mind felt like it was on fire. "Uh, Hunter?" Wrecker questioned cautiously. "No— she needs to hear this," He bit out. I did. I did need to hear it. Just not now. "We leave for Teth tonight. If you cannot be cordial, I will leave you here. Am I understood?" Hunter demanded. My chest heaved, my limbs progressively growing more and more numb. Spots coated my vision, my dinner threatening to come back up. I was going to pass out, and I knew it was because of a vision. "Hunter?" Wrecker warned again.

   "Shit," Hunter cursed, and I felt his presence come up beside me. His hand pressed in between my shoulder blades, "Talk to me. What's going on?" His touch didn't burn. Why didn't his touch burn? My eyes pricked with tears, my lips trembling, "Nothing. It's fine." "It's not fine. Your heart is racing," He murmured, his previous anger melting into concern. He pulled me away from the railing, directing me back into a chair Wrecker had pulled out. I sat without resistance, leaning over my knees. "Talk to us. We care about you. Don't keep pushing us away," He pleaded. It wasn't safe, I couldn't tell them. I needed to fight it on my own.

   I shook my head, "I'm sorry. I'm just not sleeping well." Hunter sighed, "I know. Maybe you should hang back for this one. Take some time—" "No," I blurted, looking up at him. Rex was on Teth, which meant I had someone to confide in, someone who knew the bad parts. "No," I whispered, "I'm fine. He just.. really pissed me off.." Wrecker snickered, "Well.. I think you gave him a pretty good hit." Hunter rolled his eyes, "Which wasn't okay to do." I slowed my breathing, trying to relax my mind from falling back in too deep. "It was a good hit. But don't do it again," Hunter conceded. I looked up at him, a soft smile cracking onto my lips. He placed his hand on my shoulder, rubbing it gently.

   "Whatever it is that's bothering you.. you're better than it," He assured. My shoulders sagged, and I looked down at my hands, "And what if I'm not?" He let out a slow exhale, "Then we'll figure it out. Together."

-

   -21 BBY-

   Location: Coruscant.

   While the 287th was on shore leave, I remained busy at the Temple. I offered to teach a few classes of younglings, helped Master Jocasta in the Archives, and even utilized the meditation chambers. There was no amount of distraction that could keep my mind off Crosshair. His behavior had shocked me, in a good way. I wasn't sure how to approach the situation, simply because he had actually succeeded in calming me down. I still hadn't gotten over what happened on Adari, but it would take time to not only get over my losses, but my encounter with Dooku. The Council was less than pleased to know I had kept that information to myself, but I felt justified.

   I needed time to revaluate the encounter, to refocus myself on what mattered. The balance had tipped, and I needed to fix that before I fell any harder. My master had made it sound so simple; accept the dark feelings, see through them. It wasn't that simple, especially since I had come to the realization that Dooku had been correct. There were times that I acted completely out of anger, but when the moment arose, I remained steadfast with the light. That was my weakness. I acted irrationally, ending up in less than desirable circumstances. I was better than that, and I shouldn't need a clone to help me see it.

   But I found myself wondering if Crosshair and I had come to a turning point. I had never done anything malicious towards him, so I didn't understand where his aggression stemmed from. He was closed off, always one sided with me, never pliable. I accepted that, now, at least, after he had helped me. My feet carried me through the streets, the scent of street food wafting through my nose. I felt at ease now, and shore leave was definitely something I needed. I forgot what true peace felt like, and Coruscant offered it in little ways. Without the soldiers saluting to me at every turn, orders being shoved down my throat, I felt like a normal person here in my civvies.

   "General!" My temporary peace flitted away, and I glanced over my shoulder to see a familiar blond-haired clone heading towards me, also dressed down. My lips pulled into a soft smile, "Rex." He offered a smile in return, "I didn't expect to see you here. I just saw Jax a while ago." I hummed, "Surely he's enjoying his break?" He huffed, "He never rests. You know him." I chuckled, "I don't know what I expected. Care to join me?" His cheeked reddened slightly, "I don't want to impose." I waved him off, "You're not. I promise." He smiled gently, waving his hand outward, "Then, lead the way, Sir." I nudged him with my elbow, walking ahead of him.

   "So, what have you been doing on leave?" I asked. He sighed, "Just trying to keep up with the men. Not much free time when we're home." I frowned, "What? Do they behave that poorly?" He chuckled, "No, but I keep them fresh with drills if they're not too hungover." I chuckled softly, "Drinking? Is that GAR appropriate?" He smiled, "I don't know, Sir. Is it?" I hummed, "I'll have to check the handbook. I won't tell, though." His brows rose softly, "Not sure that's GAR appropriate either, Sir. But I won't tell." I laughed quietly, nudging him with my shoulder. The two of us walked into another row of booths, dodging the crowds of civilians.

   "How've you been," He asked softer. I let out a slow exhale, "Stressed. But that's to be expected, right?" He nodded, "I know the feeling. It's important to know your limits, though." I glanced sideways at him, "Did Anakin actually teach you something reasonable?" He rolled his eyes playfully, "Very funny, Sir. And, no.. I just worry about you." I slowed to a stop, looking up at him, "Rex.." "I know what happened on Adari. I read the mission report. I'm sorry about Mick," He muttered. My brows softened, and I let out a soft sigh. I grabbed his hand, pulling him out of the throngs of people into the free alleyway. I let him go, stepping back to the opposite wall.

   I stood with him in silence for a moment, interlacing my fingers together. "It's.. hard loosing men. He was just.. so young and.." I trailed off. His eyes remained soft, full of understanding. "They expect us all to remain strong— unbothered and focused on the next mission.. But I was hurt, Rex, and still am," I continued. He nodded, slowly approaching me, "But are you okay?" My lips cracked open, my brows furrowing, "I mean.. now I am." He sighed, coming to a stop just in front of me, "Sir.." My eyes suddenly burned, and his close proximity had made my palms sweat. I was okay, at least, I thought so.

   I had unexpected help, in which, confused me more than the actual anger I felt before. I felt his hand gently rest over my forearm, my eyes snapping up to meet his. His thumb rubbed soft circled over my covered skin, his lips pulled into a frown. Rex had told me before how he felt that Adari was a trap. He ended up being right, and I had given myself and my men false hope even when I knew it was the truth. "It wasn't your fault," He whispered. But what if it was? I ducked my chin down, nodding softly. He tugged me forward, wrapping me in his soft embrace, shielding me from the world around. I was conflicted. I felt terrible about what happened in Rex's embrace, but soothed based off three words from another.

   I stayed out with Rex until the sun dipped over the horizon, slowly making my way back up to the Temple after he left off to the barracks. I took my time, and at one point, I turned off my comm to avoid answering it. My master had been strict about getting updates, which made me feel like a Padawan all over again. I wasn't a child, and I wasn't unstable. They all assumed that I was some sort of ticking time bomb from what happened. No one actually knew, except for me. The mission report had been a lie, I wrote it as so. Mick died by blaster fire, not Dooku, and I had fought him until he inevitably tired. My master didn't seem convinced, but the rest of the Council, with the exception of Yoda, had taken it as acceptable.

   I was spiraling again, and I would have to once again pretend I was the strong, unwavering General in two days time. I didn't want to fight anymore, not if I'd have to see my own men die. Staying locked up on the cruiser was better than the field, and I hated that I felt that way. But the war was expanding, and I was needed with my troops now more than ever. I wasn't sure how the others were able to brush off death so easily, or if they didn't, how they hid it so well. I felt everything so deeply, that any shift pressed down on my consciousness like an unmovable weight. Meditation hadn't made it any better, and I refused to ask my master for help.

   I wasn't the Jedi I was supposed to be.

   "You're out late." I stopped in my tracks, my head turning towards the alleyway on my right. He was guarded, again, so I was immediately off put. "I was just heading back," I replied. He hummed, the toothpick rolling from one corner of his mouth, to the other. I straightened my shoulders as he stepped out of the alley, following his eyes. They never left my face, more specifically, the burn mark on my jaw. A phantom tingle coated the area, and I almost felt the need to rub at it. He walked around me, stopping behind my left shoulder, "Cozy with the Captain, are we?" My heart slammed to a stop, and I whipped around to face him, "Excuse me?"

   His lips pulled into a smirk, his fingers plucking the piece of wood from them, "He's hard to miss, since there's millions who look just like him. You on the other hand.." "I don't like your implication, trooper," I snapped, turning to walk away from him. I was wrong about him, there was no soft side to him. He was cruel, through and through. My arm was grabbed, and I was pulled to a sharp halt. He shoved me into the alleyway, letting my arm go. I glared up at him, "I could write you up for your continuous harassment." He sighed, flicking the toothpick away, "And I could report your inappropriate behavior, couldn't I?"

   My jaw gaped, "What? There's nothing going on." "I'm sure. Does he know that?" He asked. I shrank back into the wall, utterly disturbed by his accusation, "He is a soldier, he knows better." "Does he?" He asked again, shifting his weight into one of his hips, looking over me lazily. I pulled my eyes away, looking down at the ground between us. He had ruined all the respect I had gained for him with his pointless accusations. I should've written him up the first time he blatantly disrespected me. "I don't get you," I whispered, looking back up to him. He tilted his head slightly, staring back silently.

   "One moment, you're tolerable, the next, you're a fucking nightmare," I exclaimed, tossing my hands up. "I'm the nightmare? You fell apart over one man's death. You have bigger issues to worry about," He shot back. My heart dropped, and soft breath choked out from my chest. I wanted to sob from how quickly he had switched up, my brows pinching into hurt. His eyes remained hard, but I saw a shift in his stance. I wouldn't let my mind deceive me into thinking he actually felt bad again. "Do you know what actually happened?" I whispered. He scoffed, "I saw the report." "Did you, now?" I hissed, stepping towards him. His eyes narrowed, his lips pulling into a tight line.

   "You know nothing of what happened," I growled out. "You falsified the report," He concluded. I huffed, "Gonna report me for that, too?" He shifted in place, resting his hands over his utility belt. "You should. Maybe then, you'll feel better about yourself," I spat. He didn't respond, his body growing taut with tension, his eyes remaining unblinking. "What's your problem?" I asked, my eyes flicking in between his. His lips twitched. "Answer me. You helped me at the diner, and now you want to hate me again? Pick a struggle, Crosshair," I snapped. He swallowed hard, and his jaw twitched. He still didn't speak, and that further strained my last bit of patience for the man.

   I scoffed, "Nothing to say? Typical."

Chapter Text

   -20 BBY-

   Location: Maridun.

   "What do you want to do after the war?" I asked. Jax shifted slightly, the grass rustling faintly in the breeze, "I haven't.. really thought about it, Sir."  I scoffed, lying back into the grass, looking up at the clouds dancing by, "You have no dreams? Aspirations?" He was silent for a moment. "I suppose.. I'd like to visit Naboo," He murmured. I rose a brow, looking over to him, "Naboo? Why there?" He shrugged, "I've heard the weathers nice." I laughed, folding my arms behind my head, "It is." "You've been, Sir?" He asked. I hummed, "A few times. I'll have to take you for the Festival of Light. It's a wonderful celebration." He shifted again, "Festival of Light, Sir?"

  "The commemoration of Naboo joining the Republic. It's most popular for its after party and fireworks," I explained. He hummed, "Oh." My brows furrowed at his soft answer, and I pushed myself up to my elbows. "Something wrong?" I asked. He shook his head, "No, Sir." I frowned, "Jax." He hesitated for a moment, but I reached out with a gentle caress with the Force, encouraging him to relax. He sighed, "When.. do you think the war will end?" I let my head tilt to the side, "Well, that's hard to answer. I think everyone wants it to end, but both parties will need to agree." He nodded, "And if they don't?" "Then.. we keep fighting for a better galaxy. A better future," I murmured.

-

   I remained in a separate part of the ship the entire flight to Teth, since Hunter thought I'd take another hit at Crosshair. I probably would've, but the brief glimpse I got at his newly forming bruise satisfied me enough. Omega had yet to speak to me, going as far as avoiding my gaze when I looked at her. That part hurt the worst, knowing that I'd lost my temper in front of a child. I knew better than to get me anger control me, but was I not justified in my action? I couldn't understand why Crosshair was so hot and cold, one moment he was gentle, and the next, an asshole. It wasn't even his accusation that enraged me, but the truth behind it.

   You're not a Jedi. You're a fraud.

   He didn't know anything, and his opinion was the least I should care about, and yet, it still hurt because part of me had believed it to be true. I heard the word fraud be used as a description of me from him the entirety of the war. I started to believe it, not because his words were damaging me, but because I saw it. How many times had I stood by and let atrocious orders overrule my better judgment? I was a fraud because I was a puppet for the Council, carrying out orders I knew better than to follow. The unnecessary amount of sacrifice I had let occur, merely because I thought I was being a good soldier— a good Jedi. Where had all of that gotten me; afraid and deranged?

   How much longer did I have? Realistically, I was on the brink of snapping, and it would take all my willpower to hold my rage back. I put my face into my hands, viciously rubbing at my eyes. The sooner I was on Teth, the quicker I could explain my situation to Rex and Jax— that I needed to leave. Maybe Rex knew of somewhere for me to go, since I was overstaying my welcome with the Batch. It was for the best, I couldn't live with myself if I were to accidentally hurt one of the boys. Or Omega. My eyes burned when I pulled my hands away, my hands trembling. I curled my fingers into my palms, pressing my nails into the skin. I was anxious to get off this ship already, and Crosshair being in the other room didn't help.

   You're not a Jedi.

   I shoved myself up to my feet, shaking my head. Nothing mattered more than ensuring their safety, ensuring Omega's safety. I distracted myself with putting my gear on, checking my comm's functionality and refreshing my blaster. My gut churned uncomfortably when I hooked my lightsaber back onto my belt, the weight feeling foreign. I ignored the feeling, tugging my gloves on when I heard soft footsteps approach. "You okay?" Hunter asked, "Your heart is still racing." I scoffed softly. I'm sure it was. I turned to him, adjusting my right vambrace, "Fine. Just tired." He frowned, "You didn't try to rest?" "It's not like I could, even if I tried," I replied, letting my arms fall at my sides.

  He seemed unconvinced, his brows pressing down on his eyes. I sighed, "We don't have time for this. I'll be fine, just let it go." He let out a slow exhale through his nose, "Fine. For now." He shifted on his feet before turning away, walking back towards the cockpit. He stopped, glancing back at me over his shoulder, "Talk to Omega.. when you get the chance." My brows softened at his plea, my lips cracking open to respond. He was gone before I could say anything, and I shrank back in on myself. I shoved my fingers through the hair at my scalp, tugging at the stands anxiously. Omega's name pulled at my heart in a painful way, and her disappointment made me feel guilty.

   I lashed out inappropriately, and now, everyone on the ship was tiptoeing around me. I hugged my arms over my chest, digging my fingers into the flesh of my biceps. Dull pain spread over the skin where my fingers pressed into, but it pulled my attention away from the strain in my chest. My heart pounded in my head, a familiar ache forming behind my eyes. I felt the corners of my mind be tugged inwards, my chin dropping to my chest. I grit my teeth hard, sucking in slow, measured breaths through my nose. "No," I whispered to myself. The ache seemed to grow at my resistance, but I forced it under, releasing my arms. "I'm fine," I whispered once more, forcing my feet towards the cockpit.

   I strode past both Crosshair and Omega, sliding into the seat adjacent to Hunter. Hunter cast me a side glance, looking me over before turning back to Echo. I only sank into the seat more. "So, where exactly are we headed?" Hunter asked. Echo hesitated for a moment, tapping at the dash, "Eh.. it's a base of sorts." My gaze slid onto Echo, my lips turning downward. Of all places, they chose Teth. "I thought your rendezvous with Gregor was top priority?" Hunter questioned. Echo shrugged, "Yeah, well, I'll pick him up after dropping you lot off." Batcher whined, sliding against my thigh. I sighed, resting my hand over her side, a soft rumble emitting from her.

   "Any idea why Rex wants us there so urgently?" I asked hesitantly, looking up from Batcher. "He didn't say. But it must be important." My stomach churned uncomfortably at his vagueness, my eyes dropping back down on Batcher. Hunter swiveled around, his eyes burning holes into my skull. I looked up at him from under my brows, my lips pulling sideways. His gaze flicked to Omega, and then back to me, causing my shoulders to tense up. I turned my chair slightly, looking over at Omega who was occupied with a toothpick, my heart stammering in my chest. I swallowed hard, turning away, meeting Hunter.s gaze once more. I gave him a subtle nod, in which he knew I'd do what it took to protect her.

   The ship whirred down from hyperspace not too long after the silence filled the ship, the planet, and once great Empire of the Hutts, coming into view. I zoned out as we broke through the atmosphere, and hardly realized that we even landed when Batcher finally left my side. Echo's gentle hand over my shoulder broke me from my thoughts, blinking softly to clear the blurriness of my vision. "You good?" He asked, his brows pressed together in concern. I nodded, his hand falling from my shoulder as I stood to my feet. I stepped around him, but his hand wrapping around my wrist held me in place. I slowly looked back at him, keeping a nonchalant facade as his concerned gaze walked over me.

   After a moment of him simply staring, he sighed, slowly releasing my wrist. I walked off from him, ignoring the burning stare in my back. The air was hot and thick, wafting through the opening of the ship into the main bay. I rolled my shoulders, stepping out onto the gangplank, looking down at the group of approaching men. Rex and Jax were among them, Howzer, a face I hadn't seen since Ryloth as well. Echo stopped beside me, "Give Jax my best." I nodded stiffly, casting him a side glance before heading down the gangplank. I walked slowly, my boots crunching against the rocky terrain, my eyes locked on Jax's.

   His face looked fuller, his eyes brighter and the soft smile on his lips told me he was happy to see me. I gave him a soft nod, my eyes trailing over to Rex's past Hunter and Wrecker's shoulders. His eyes were much more intense, his forehead pinched into relief. I stopped beside Hunter, pulling my eyes towards Howzer. He looked briefly content before his gaze was back on Crosshair. It seemed I wasn't the only one with a personal vendetta. "Good to see you, Rex," Hunter greeted. Howzer scoffed, "Wish I felt the same. I have unfinished business with this one." My brows rose marginally at his abruptness, stepping aside as he stepped towards Crosshair.

   "Remember me?" Howzer asked. I briefly looked over to Crosshair, his confused expression gaining an eye roll from me. "Surprised I'm alive? Most of my squad from Ryloth is dead because of you," He growled. Rex placed a hand over Howzer's chest, "Easy. I know you two have history, but we're all on the same side now." I scoffed, folding my arms over my chest. Jax placed a gentle hand over my shoulder, a silent plea to just remain quiet. My shoulders deflated, and I cast my gaze away. "Why'd you call us here, Captain?" Hunter asked. "We have something to show you. Follow me," Rex replied. Rex and Howzer turned off, Hunter and Crosshair following after them.

   Jax tugged on my shoulder, my eyes moving up to meet his. He offered me a soft smile, "Come on." His hand fell away, and I followed, my eyes gluing themselves to the back of Crosshair's head. "It's been a while. How're you holding up?" Jax asked. I sighed, "The usual." I felt his disappointment grow, "Not sleeping?" I shook my head, "Among other things." My glare intensified on the back of Crosshair's head, Jax letting out a soft grunt. "I'm assuming you caused that," He commented. I huffed, "How'd you guess?" "He hasn't looked at you," He observed. My lips curled, "Good." He didn't deserve to look me in the eyes, not after he made it very clear what he thought of me.

   Jax sighed deeply, "General.." "Don't call me that, Jax. I'm not one of them," I murmured. He stepped in front of me, keeping me from walking any further. His eyes filled with confusion, "What are you talking about?" I rolled my eyes, "You keep referring to me as something I'm not." He shook his head, "Something you're not? What— where is this coming from?" I looked down at the ground, glaring into the tops of his boots. "It's the truth. Stop putting me on a pedestal," I grumbled. His hand wrapped over my bicep, pushing me back slightly, "A pedestal? It's called respect." "Maybe I don't deserve that anymore," I snapped, shoving his hand off.

   He blinked, his eyes softening into hurt, "Who put this into your head?" "Myself. It's the truth, Jax." His eyes narrowed, "What happened?" My lips pulled into a frown, "What are you talking about?" "You're different," He murmured. I scoffed, "No, I'm just— tired." "Don't lie to me," He growled, "Tell me." My fingernails drove into my palms, the back of my neck breaking out into a cold sweat. "There's nothing to tell," I grit out. My name came out abruptly in a sharp hiss from his teeth, my eyes rounding. His nostrils were flared, and his eyes told me he wouldn't let me push him off any further. He knew me probably better than I knew myself by now, since I had lost who I once was.

   He sighed, saying my name once more, gently. "Please don't shut me out. You're all I have left of our brothers," He whimpered. I couldn't keep the tears from welling up in my waterline, the desperation in his voice breaking through my facade. The 287th was gone, and for all either one of us knew, we were the remainder of them. He turned his face away as a tear of his own rolled down his cheek, his lips pulling into a tight line. My brows pinched together, my lips twitching as I reached my hand out towards his cheek. He didn't fight my touch, his eyes cast downward as another tear followed the first. I brushed my thumb over the wetness, swallowing a sob that threatened to release.

   "Trust me when I tell you.. It's safer if you don't know," I whispered. His body language told me he was unsatisfied with my answer, but his soul gave in, extinguishing the fire it blazed with. I sighed, sliding my hand down over his chest plate, my fingers brushing over the thinning paint. I felt his heart through my hand, the blood slowing its rapid pace at my gentle caress with the Force. It eased not only my mind, but his, offering both of us a small moment of respite. His chest heaved softly, his lungs dispelling a deep breath of air. His eyes moved up to meet mine, "Tell me when you're ready. I'll always listen." I nodded gently, pulling my hand away from his chest. He stepped aside, jutting his head to the side, "We should probably head in."

   I let him lead the way, the two of us entering the compound in silence, putting our conversation on pause for the time being. The interior was dim, the only light emitting from the equipment other clones were stationed at. My eyes flitted around cautiously, eyeing each of the men we passed by. Jax placed a reassuring hand on my back, guiding me to a larger holotable the others stood by. Rex's eyes flicked to me as we approached, the knot in his throat bobbing as he swallowed. "I have some questions about the facility. But that's not the only reason why I sent for you," Rex started. He turned, grabbing a puck from the table behind him, holding it out to us. "We recovered a target list from an Imperial operative. And Omega's on it," Rex continued, clicking the puck on.

   My eyes narrowed on the picture, my shoulders tensing. Crosshair scoffed, "Not a surprise. She escaped Imperial custody." "So did you. But you're not on that list," Howzer pointed. "Guess I'm not as valuable to them," Crosshair grumbled, stuffing a toothpick between his teeth. Howzer stepped forward, "Or, you're feeding them information." "You're gonna have to back down, Captain," Hunter warned. I looked between the two, my brows furrowing. "You expect us to believe he was held on Tantiss for months, but he doesn't know how to get back there?" Howzer exclaimed. "I was on Tantiss, too," I murmured. Howzer's gaze flicked to me, the tension falling off into complete silence.

   My lips twitched, "Whether you believe him or not, I'm telling you.. we don't know how to go back." I looked up at Howzer, glaring into his wide eyed expression. His eyes slowly narrowed, "You and your squad may trust him. But I don't." "I never said I did," I snapped. The door hissed open behind us, my gaze pulling away. Crosshair's eyes finally locked on me, but I avoided it at all cost. I wasn't defending him, but I knew better than to believe he still served the enemy. At worst, he served himself. Batcher barked, trotting up to my side, leaning into my legs. "What's going on?" Omega asked. Crosshair grunted, "The Empire's targeting you again."

   Wrecker chuckled, "No surprise there." Omega stopped beside Batcher, and I shrank away from her gaze. "Why were they after you before?" Rex asked. "To force Nala Se to cooperate and conduct certain experiments," Omega replied. Rex tensed visibly, "Which were what?" Omega shifted, "She was working on something involving.. M-count?" My body went cold, all the blood rushing into my ears. "I don't know what that means, but they were taking blood samples from everyone, even me," She continued. The air had depleted from my lungs, feeling as if someone had wrapped their hands around them and squeezed. "M-count?" Rex questioned.

   "You know what it is?" Hunter asked. If it had anything to do with blood, I was sure I knew the answer. "Well, I've heard it mentioned before. But I can't say for sure—" "What else do you know about M-count?" I interrupted, looking to Omega. The group went silent, and I felt every single one of their eyes on me. Omega averted her gaze from me, her brows pinching in discomfort. I stepped towards her, kneeling down to her level. My hands raised, hovering over her shoulders, trembling, before I pulled them away. "Omega," I whispered, my tongue drying out. She shook her head, "Nothing." The door opened abruptly, "Chow time!"

   A sharp breath left my teeth as she stepped away with Wrecker, my hands dropping into my lap. "Wait. There's something you should know," Crosshair muttered. My back stiffened, my head turning to look up to him. The group seemed to silence at his abruptness, Crosshair growing tense under all our stares. "Not all of the clones on Tantiss are prisoners. Some are loyal to the Empire," He continued. I stood slowly, my eyes narrowing on him. He sighed, "There is a division of clones trained as specialized operatives and initiated into a secret deep cover program run by Hemlock. Their identities are erased. They undergo conditioning. The few that make it through come out.. different."

   "If the programs so secret, how do you know about it?" Howzer asked suspiciously. "Because they tried to make me into one of them," Crosshair growled. I scoffed, "Tried?" Crosshair didn't budge, "It didn't work. Being defective is in my nature." His eyes met mine, glaring back just as hard as I was. Hunter cleared his throat, "You've encountered one before. The assassin on Coruscant." Rex sighed, "We've known they existed, but never knew exactly what they were." I felt a wave of hesitance from Rex, my eyes dropping away from Crosshair's. I looked up at Rex, hyper focusing on his words. "What aren't you telling us?" Hunter questioned. Rex shifted, "We captured one. I've tried questioning him, but he hasn't been very cooperative—"

   "You have one here? Alive?" Crosshair cut in. Rex briefly nodded, and I felt a wave of paranoia come off Crosshair. "Impossible. The Empire would be on top of us already. They have ways of tracking their operatives," Crosshair hissed out. Howzer shook his head, "We scanned him. He's clear." "It's not the kind of tracker your scans would pick up. Hemlock is smarter than that," Crosshair argued. "Where is he?" I snapped. My chest was heaving at this point, and I was tired of hearing the back and forth. Rex looked to me, and then to Hunter. My brows furrowed, "Rex." "Give us a moment," Rex murmured, wrapping his hand over my shoulder. My lips broke open to speak again, but Jax cleared his throat, giving me a look that meant to just comply.

   Rex squeezed my shoulder, "Come on." I snapped my jaw shut, brushing past Rex away from the group. My mind spun with possibilities, none of which made any sense. They had an operative— alive, and what could Hemlock possibly want with Midi-chlorians of all things? Rex was quick on my tail as I passed through a threshold, my hands clenching and unclenching in hopes to soothe my now hot nerves. The door shut behind us, and I spun around to face him, "I want to speak with the operative." He held his hands up, "Now, wait a moment. Talk to me. Do you know something?" "I don't know, Rex. I need to speak with him," I snapped, pushing my fingers through my hair. He shook his head, "Not like this."

   I stepped towards him, tossing my hands, "Like what? Like I'm pissed? I am!" "Why? Tell me why," He demanded. "Hemlock has no business in what he's researching. I was apart of it, and I need answers," I growled. His eyes softened, "Is this about something else?" My jaw dropped, "Something else? Rex— M-count, if I am correct, is an abbreviation for Midi-chlorian count." "Which is?" He asked. "It's in the blood— in everyone's blood, all living things," I sputtered, pacing back and forth, "It's thought to correlate with someone's potential for the Force.." "What?" Rex breathed out. I shook my head, "Just let me speak to him."

   None of this made any sense, and why they were hunting down Omega rubbed me worse. "I need to question the operative. Please," I begged. Rex looked deep in thought, his eyes staring right through me. I stepped closer to him, "Rex?" "No," He stated. I blinked, "What?" "No. You're too worked up," He scolded. A soft breath left my lips, "Rex—" My name fell off his lips, his eyes suddenly softening, his hands resting over my cheeks. His eyes flicked in between mine, his forehead knit tight, "What's wrong with your eyes?" My frustration dropped, my brows furrowing in confusion. His thumbs traced under my eyes, my hands coming up to wrap around his wrists. "What are you talking about?" I whispered.

   "What's happening to you?" He asked softly. I blinked, my lips cracking open. I didn't know how to respond, other than to tell him that I was just tired.

   Lie. You know what it is.

   My hands tightened around his wrists. I needed to speak with the operative, to ask the questions I needed answers to. To get the answers I craved. His eyes bled into mine, and I felt his concern push through my walls. He spoke my name again with a firmness I'd never heard from him before, my heart stammering in my chest. I couldn't tell him, it wasn't safe. He would worry too much, and then I'd constantly be looking over my shoulder. But I knew if one more thing happened, I could tip over the edge. Rex wouldn't be strong enough to eliminate me, none of them would be. It was a hard ask for any of them to aim a blaster and shoot point blank at someone they may consider a friend, but this was too important to let personal feelings get in the way.

   "I know what it means," I whispered, my voice wavering. His thumbs stilled, confusion swimming in his eyes. I swallowed hard, "I can't be that for you." Realization hit him quicker than I thought it would, his hands growing lax my cheeks. He stood taller, his face melting into a neutral expression. I saw through it, and I felt every bit of rejection in him. It was a pain I had felt in him before, once on Bracca, and the other on Coruscant. Both because of my doing. And now a third, because I couldn't be what he wanted me to be. He nodded, his lips pulled tight, his hands sliding from my cheeks. My hands released his wrists, and I let him lace his fingers with my own. He wanted something I couldn't provide.

   I started, "I'm sorry—" "Don't," He cut off. He sighed heavily, ducking his eyes down away from mine. "Rex," I murmured, "Please.. let me speak with the operative." His grip on my hands tightened momentarily, anger simmering beneath his pain. "No," He answered, finality in his tone. He let go of my hands, stepping away without meeting my eyes. My hands fell to my sides, trembling as I watched him leave the room. My eyes pricked with tears, my hands growing numb. I sucked in quivering breaths, rage clamping down around my consciousness. I seethed quietly, my fingers curling inward. The faint sound of something bending reached my ears, but I ignored it, squeezing until my hand snapped shut.

   I wouldn't let anyone stop me.

-

   I stared at the group from across the room, dismissing the soup Fireball had served. Wrecker and Omega sat at the table a little ways down, both get to utter a word to me. I could've cared less in the moment, my feet itching to force myself into the confines of the room they held him in. Everything felt a little too clear, too easy. I possessed the power to push past every single one of them, yet, I chose not to. I didn't want to hurt them, no matter how angry I was. But my answers were sitting on the other side of that door, and the Force was practically tugging at me to do so. I was growing less and less afraid of the feeling to let go, simply because I knew it would be easier. Rex was wrong to hold me back, they all were.

   Jax had cast me a few concerned glances here and there, and had been since Rex and I came back out separately. I was right about what I knew, I had to be. I just needed confirmation, and I would be able to force it out of the operative, if Rex would just let me. His concern was muddled by his personal feelings, which made him difficult to get around. I thought I had taken care of that by cutting it off, but Rex was more stubborn than I gave him credit for. I had never felt him so angry before, not since my outburst on Coruscant. Even then, he hadn't been angry, just hurt. I caused that. All I ever did was cause pain. I placed my head in my hands, pressing my fingers into my temples.

   The ache was growing, had been since we got here. There was a pressure in my head that threatened to explode, and the occasional glances I felt prodded at it. I had frightened Omega by my sudden outburst on her, but I only wanted to keep her safe.

   You can't.

   I squeezed my eyes tight. I could. I could keep them all safe if I was just a little stronger. Down the table, Batcher let out a soft whine. I lifted my face from my hands, looking towards the hound. She barked, the sound vibrating through my spine in an uncomfortable way. Omega was quick to calm her, but I was not. There was a disturbance, one that made my stomach burn. I shifted, pressing my knuckles under my chin, my eyes scanning the room. Nothing met my eye, but the feeling didn't dissipate. The group walked off from the holotable towards the back room, disappearing from sight. My knee bobbed anxiously, my mouth drying completely. I needed to get into that room.

   I stood slowly, swinging my legs over the bench and sliding around. I walked slowly, my eyes flicking over the occasional clone cautiously. The closer I got, the more my chest burned. I stopped abruptly, looking over my shoulder. Again, my eyes roved over the facility, finding nothing yet again. I felt it, and it wouldn't be ignored. I turned slowly, continuing towards the door. When I reached it, the trooper standing before it held his arm out. My eyes narrowed, "Let me through." He shook his head, "Can't do that, miss." I raised my chin, "I wasn't asking." "Excuse me?" He growled. I raised my hand, "Let me through." His eyes widened for a moment before growing dull and relaxed, the Force twisted his thoughts.

   He stepped back, his hand lazily moving up to the door panel, typing in the code. It slid open, the men turning around to face me as I entered. My name came out in a growl from Rex's lips, but I ignored him, sliding through the group towards the operative. His eyes squinted on me, the slightest smirk pulling at his lips, "Well.. Look what we have here." My bicep was grabbed, and I glared up at Rex, "Let go." The operative laughed, "Jetti, Jetti.." I pulled my arm from his grasp, shoving my hand out towards the operatives face, "Tell me what Hemlock wants with M-count." He scoffed, "Your Jedi tricks won't work on me." My head tilted to side, "Really?"

   My fingers curled inward slightly, my anger pushing its way into my action. Jax muttered my name, trying to gain my attention. I pushed harder, my teeth gritting together. The operative met my glare head on, but the pinch in his brow told me he wasn't as invincible as he let on. "What are you doing?" Hunter asked. "Tell me what I want to know," I grit out, my fingers curling harder. The operative grunted, his facade slipping, "They're— coming.. for all of you." My hand squeezed tighter, eliciting a wince from the clone. A hand wrapped around my forearm, forcing it down and away. I cursed, shoving my other hand out, but another arm wrapped around my chest, pulling me backwards.

   "Stop it. You'll kill him," Crosshair murmured, his grip tightening every time I tugged at his hold.   He tugged me back from the group, each one of them staring at me with a horrified expression. "You're not a murderer," He hissed into my ear. He turned me away from the operative, pushing me towards the wall. I panted heavily, raking my fingers through my scalp. The facility suddenly shook, a low cackle emitting from the operative. My hands dropped, debris chipping away at parts of the ceiling. The facility shook once more, my eyes snapping back to the operative. "Comms are down," Rex alerted, "We move out. Now!" Something tugged at my chest, sapping the air from my lungs.

   "Rex, no!" I shouted. The door opened, and one singular blaster shot whizzed through the room, directly into the operatives chest. My heart dropped at the sight, the clones body going limp in the chair, his life immediately fading away. I reached for my lightsaber, tugging it out from under my shawl. Blaster fire rang out front outside the room, along with Wrecker's loud voice. I followed out after the men, diving behind the control unit for cover, Crosshair sliding in beside me. My hand gripped the hilt tighter, the tug in my chest straining. I grunted, getting to one knee to peek around. "Shots coming from the back of the room!" Omega called out.

   "Nemec, we need to get comms online," Rex ordered from across the way. Nemec immediately jumped into action, sneaking towards the main control unit in the center. I shifted forward, grabbing my blaster with my other hand, aiming it over the top. "Don't," Crosshair warned. I frowned, "Why?" "You're not a very good shot," He grumbled. I rolled my eyes, "Oh, shut up." I fired a string of rounds, each smacking against the crate stacks along the back of the room. He scoffed, "As I said." A shot hit direct on the control until, sparking up and blowing Nemec away. I ducked down against the unit, shell shocked at how easily he was taken out.

   "Back up plan! Into the command post! I'll cover you!" Rex shouted. I readied myself, getting up to my feet in a crouch. The tug snapped, and my lungs deflated. I looked around, counting each of the men, double and triple checked. "No," I whispered. "What is it?" Crosshair urged. I shook my head, straightening to get a better look of the room. "Where's Jax?" I strained out. "Go!" Rex demanded. The squad got up as Rex started laying down cover fire, but I remained in place. My heart hammered in my chest, my eyes desperately trying to catch a glimpse. My shoulder was grabbed, "We need to go!" I pulled away, "No.. No— I can't! Where is he?" The hair on the back of my neck stood up, and I snapped around, shoving Crosshair and I away from a blaster shot.

   He tumbled back, me along with him, but I didn't care. I was quick to scramble up to my feet, my eyes finally locking on Jax. Howzer was holding back the infiltrator with a torch while Jax wrapped around. Crosshair grunted, coming up behind me. I started forward, but he grabbed my arm, forcing me to stand in place. Howzer was hit, his body crashing to the floor. I tried to tug out of Crosshairs grip, but he only pulled harder, forcing me back from the onslaught. A sharp pain went through my head, and then an explosion ruptured in the middle of the room. My heart fell out of my chest as I watched Jax be sent backwards, finally gaining the strength to rip myself from Crosshairs grasp.

   Everything moved in slow motion, my weapons falling from my hands, the ceiling crumbling, the fire that spread out along the room. I hurdled over the debris, sliding to Jax's side, grabbing a hold of his chest plate. His head was bleeding from a harsh gash in his brow, and his brows were pinched with pain. A silent scream ripped through my chest, my hands trembling as I tried to grasp his face. His chest was hardly moving, his eyes dull and caked with ash. My vision of him blurred, and I desperately clung to him, trying to tug him out of the destruction. My spine flushed with heat, and I shoved my hand upward, the Force holding part of the weight of the ceiling. My shoulder strained hard, but I never once pulled my eyes from him.

   It felt easy to toss away the debris coming down on top of us, but I felt him fading. "Jax," I rasped out. I pushed on his chest, "Jax— please get up. Fuck," I whimpered, pressing my forehead to his chest plate. I heard the painful rasping of his breaths, and his hand gently lying over my arm. My body wracked with sobs, pain striking me through the chest. His cough was wet, the soft groans of his pain, bleeding into my ears. "General," He rasped. I sat up, flinching at more of the ceiling falling away, "No. No— I won't leave you! Not again." His lashes twitched, his lips trembling with words I'd never hear again. His hand roughly went up to my cheek, and I grasped on to it, holding it to my skin.

   "It was.. my honor, Sir," He whispered. His hand suddenly felt limp, and my eyes blew wide. "No, no, no, no.. Jax? Jax!" I yelped, my hand clenching around his limp one. It was a heavy emptiness I felt, his life Force depleting from the Force entirely. I screamed, tugging at him once more, "Come back! Come back!" Hands roughly grabbed me from behind, my grip on Jax giving way. My feet slid helplessly along the floor, and I desperately reached out to Jax's limp body. I had no fight left in me, simply letting whoever it was dragging me, have their way. The facility was collapsing, and I was pulled out of the room and into a corridor before I could watch Jax be crushed for good.

   I fell to the ground after the exit was blocked off by debris, my arms quivering. "Get up," Rex pleaded, crouching down beside me. "Get away," I moaned, pressing my eyes shut. He whispered my name softly through the vocoder, my eyes snapping up to his visor. "Get away!" I screeched, the room trembling. Rex fell back, his chest heaving from my outburst. I hiccuped, my body quivering from the shock and sorrow I felt, leaning down to press my face into my hands. There was too much pain, too much anger.

   Give in.

   I wailed, my fingernails digging into my skull. Jax was gone. Jax was dead. My heart had all but shattered, and the war in my mind had finally met its breaking point.

Chapter Text

  My desperate attempt at breathing was failing miserably, the words of the squad begging me to calm down completely overshadowed. Everything was falling apart, the compound, the squad, my life. Rex was still sat across from me, shocked at my outburst, while the others were digging out the buried tunnel entrance. The fire billowed through my spine agonizingly, and I was struggling to retain consciousness.

   Let go.

   "No," I murmured, hugging my arms over my head. Jax was dead. He was dead. The compound was falling. I was falling. "Rex," Omega's worried tone came through. I heard Rex grunt, standing up to his feet. What had I done? I instilled fear in the very people I swore to protect. "We need to get moving before their reinforcements get here," Rex strained. I remained in place, listening to each of them follow after Rex. I didn't expect Rex to wait around for me, not in a situation like this. My heart hurt though, and I wasn't given time to grieve. "Come on," Crosshair rasped. I hugged my head down further, "Just go." "Not an option," He replied. "Get away," I gritted out.

   Do it. You know you want to.

   "No.. I don't," I whimpered. "What?" Crosshair asked. I felt him kneel down beside me, a deep sigh resonating from the vocoder, "You don't want to hear from me, I get it. But we have to go." My eyes burned from the mix of tears and debris, and my heart felt dull and empty. Crosshair was right about one thing: I didn't want to hear from him. Logical thinking told me to get up and complete the mission, but everything in me wanted to give up. "He's gone," I broke out. Crosshair didn't reply, the briefest amount of sympathy radiating off of him. His hands burned when he grabbed my arms, pulling them away from my head, tugging me up to my feet. He gently pushed me forward, my knees feeling weak as I limped towards the tunnel entrance.

   He stepped around me, jumping down into the hole, waiting for me to follow. I let my legs bend, sitting down on the edge, letting gravity pull me down into the tunnel after him. His hands hovered nearby as I wavered on my feet, but I stalked off from him before he had the chance to torch his gentle act. Every step felt heavier than the last, each one carrying me further and further away from Jax's lifeless corpse. I abandoned him, left his body buried beneath rubble that would never move again. My nerves were shot, and my patience was gone. Everyone was walking on eggshells around me now, Rex included, which never seemed like a possibility before. The darkness was breaking through, and I was powerless against stopping it.

   Crosshair remained silent behind me as we walked, but I could feel his intense gaze occasionally flick over me. His silent judgement didn't rub me wrong like it normally would’ve, I deserved it. I was just as bad, if not worse, than him. The tunnel led out into the spire, the squad clearing the staircase as they pushed through. I kept my gaze down at the floor, unmoving, silent. "Our leech vessel's docked about ten levels down. Doesn't have a hyperdrive though. We won't get far," Howzer spoke. "No, but we can use it to contact Echo," Rex confirmed. My head pounded, my vision spotting briefly before Hunter nudged me, the group taking off once again down the stairs. I shook my head, forcing my feet to move after.

   Everything felt so hazed over, like I was traveling in past time. Nothing was clear, and the Force felt like static. There was no string tugging at my chest, or continual thrum in my spine. It was simply silent, and it was driving me insane. I felt like my emotions had been put on pause, a dead, eerie feeling clamping around my consciousness. I lagged behind the group, my feet hardly connecting with the steps, forcing me to lean into the wall for support. I couldn't continue— not like this. There was a fire within me that couldn't be put out, one that craved to take control.

   It already is.

   It was. I didn't want to scare them anymore than I already had. I was dangerous, a darkness that would harm until there was nothing left to harm. I was afraid of it— of myself. I felt disgusted with myself in hating that Howzer had survived, when Jax had not. Howzer hadn't done anything wrong, in fact, he had been Jax's friend as well. They all had been. But he was family to me. My family. My brother. "The ships docked just down this corridor," Rex called out. "Stop," Crosshair growled. I slid down alongside the wall, stopping as the rest of the group did. "What is it?" Nemec asked. Crosshair walked back up the steps, his visor brushing over me as he looked out into the spire. I felt it, too. "They're coming," He alerted.

   Blaster fire suddenly smacked the wall beside the opening, my body sucking closer into the wall. "I'll handle it," Crosshair assured. The group wasted no time in continuing down the steps, while I remained stoned in place. "Go," He muttered. I turned slightly, glancing over my shoulder. His body language was tense, and the gentle shiver of his hand over the handle of his rifle didn't pass over me. I could kill whoever it was from here, he didn't need to waste time. I palmed my head, shaking it softly at the thought. "Go," He ushered again. I sighed, forcing my feet to move, stumbling down the steps after the group. The sound of blaster fire going back and forth erupted as I reached the end of the stairs, forcing myself through the threshold at the end.

   Rex was counting people as they fled through, and as I approached, he avoided my eyes. Pain struck me through the chest. He held fear of me.

   Good.

   I slammed down into one of the seats, pressing my head back against the durasteel. As soon as Crosshair came through, Rex was powering up the pod and bracing us for take off. I grappled with myself for balance, trying to focus on the soft hum of the ion thrusters. It wasn't working. Nothing was working. It felt like claws had ripped into my mind, tugging back on me each time I tried to focus on the light. There was no light.

   Only darkness.

   "Ashla," Omega muttered. My eyes lifted as she placed a gentle hand over my knee, her soft and concerned ones brimmed with unshed tears. The pod rumbled as it took off from the spire, but my eyes never left hers. I'm sorry, I wanted to say, but my tongue dried out, and my lips refused to move. Her hand squeezed tighter, her presence soothing me partially. The pod rumbled suddenly, and then we began a rapid descent. I stood, tugging Omega into my abandoned seat as I braced against the wall instead. The dash trilled, my eyes narrowing on the rapidly approaching tree scape. "Remora-one, we've been compromised. Heading to marker zero-two-five for an extraction. Repeat. Marker zero-two-five," Rex barked out.

   My heart stuttered, and I knelt down in front of Omega, bracing my arms around her. "Ashla—" She whimpered. I let the Force shove through my consciousness, surrounding her with a shield. "Strap in, we're going down," Rex yelled. I pushed harder, my fingers bending in the durasteel as the trill of the pod grew with fervor. The pods systems then went silent, and then we hit, the shuttle screaming across the terrain. I braced hard, pressing harder to remain in place. Omega hadn't moved, and I hadn't let up on my shield. I hadn't even noticed her small hands bracing over my forearms until we'd come to a halt, the pod filling with smoke. I let out a breath, removing my hands from the wall and sitting back, moving my eyes back down to the floor.

   The others groaned, a mix of aching and whiplash affecting them. I slowly stood to my feet, helping Omega up from her seat, briefly checking her for any injuries. Wrecker had gotten the door loose, an ear piercing screech erupting from the door. I stepped aside to let Omega move first, my hands hovering near by her. She clamored out of the shuttle after Wrecker, Batcher following quickly. I pulled myself up and out, my feet connecting hard with the ground. I brushed my arms free of the falling debris, scouting the area as the others exited the pod. It was quiet, besides the burning streak we'd left along the dirt, a dead giveaway to where we'd crashed.

   My shawl had been long torn apart by the bombing, my hands reaching over my head to pull it off, tossing it aside. My fingers twitched, a subtle shift in the Force alerting me. Something was there, hiding, waiting. "Echo should meet us at the extraction point. We'll have to continue on foot," Rex spoke. Hunter sighed, "How far?" "Five klicks north," Nemec replied. My eyes narrowed on the tree line, my spine tingling softly. I heard the soft crunch of their steps fading away, and I hesitated in following after. Either I was still being tugged back to Jax, or I had bigger issues to deal with. "You coming?" Crosshair asked. I stiffened, my eyes skating across the tree line again. I huffed, turning and stepping past him, my hands clenching at my sides.

   The sky rumbled, and I cast my eyes upward. "We have transports inbound," Hunter warned. "This way," Rex commanded. I pressed forward, my hand hovering near my lightsaber. The Force whispered in my ears, licking at my feet and hissing obscenities. I knew it wasn't purely my doing. There was something dark and visceral about the forest, something that drew me in. If Jax was here, this wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't be warring with myself so terminally. The pressure behind my eyes had built up to a near unbearable degree of pain, and my heart felt still. Something wasn't right. My feet crunched over the fallen leaves, my eyes scoping the region once more. I saw nothing.

   The soft mumbling behind me did nothing to aide my focus, causing my ears to strain harder. Hunter hadn't looked back for confirmation, but I didn't know if that was because he hadn't felt it, or because he was too afraid to look at me. They all radiated a certain amount of fear, and that hadn't begun until I questioned the operative. Rex had been the most avoidant of them all, going as far as to ignore that I was even here. I saw it. I saw it all. I was a monster.

   Embrace it.

   My eyes pinched shut, and my feet halted in place. "Why did she stop?" Howzer asked. I refused to move, my body feeling like it was held down by an unmovable weight. Crosshair hushed him before he uttered another word, his presence growing closer to my side. "What is it?" He murmured. The Force grew heavy, a deep wave of nausea washing over me. My fingertips brushed over the hilt of my lightsaber, my heart rate quickening. "Go. And don't stop," I muttered. Crosshair shifted, "Without you?" "Yes," I answered. He hummed, "Not gonna happen." "Not a suggestion," I replied. "I don't take orders from you," He growled. My eyes opened, and I turned, glaring into his visor, "I'm telling you to go."

   I felt his eyes through the duraplas, searching, calculated. "You'll need back up," He decided. I frowned, "I don't want your help." "You'll need it," He huffed out. He brushed past me, Howzer and Nemec glancing at the both of us as they continued after the group. I didn't move, and when Crosshair realized I hadn't, he stopped. "You have to go with them," I whispered. He turned, "And why's that?" "It's not safe," I muttered. He shifted, the rifle in his hands clinking, "And it is for you?" "What does it matter?" I replied. "Omega needs you," He growled. I shook my head, "No. She doesn't." "And why's that? You want to just run off like you always have?" He snapped.

   You want to harm.

   "No," I breathed out. He stepped towards me, his helmet tipping downward, "Then, what?" "I am a danger to everyone. To her," I whimpered. He straightened, "What?" My spine tingle again, "It isn't important right now. You need to go— to help them." "And what about you?" He shot back. "Since when do you care?" I hissed. His helmet tipped sideways, "Jax just died and you're asking me that?" My body tensed at his name, my eyes narrowing. "You look—" He sighed roughly, "You're not well enough to go out and fight whatever it is you're looking for." "Maybe I am," I spat. "You're not," He laughed out. I took high offense to that, but his eyes never missed a single detail. I didn't even know what I was looking for.

   "Tell me," He urged. "Tell you what?" I asked. He scoffed, "What you feel." "Why do you always ask that?" I pressed, "You've always said the Force is a load of bantha dung." He grunted, "Because you're sensitive." Irritation flared up in my gut, "Sensitive?" He sighed, "You're smart. You know when something is going to happen." He stepped towards me yet again, my body freezing over. "So, tell me," He prompted softly, "What do you feel?" Uncomfortable. Afraid. Angry. Lost. Darkness. I felt it lurking, watching, waiting. But I also felt his eyes, intent, calm, and firm. I breathed out, "You need to go. I have to go alone." His shoulders sat back, and his chest puffed out. In this moment, I couldn't hate him.

   In this moment, he was me. He was me because he knew how it felt, and I knew how he had felt. He nodded reluctantly, stepping aside. I wasted no time in walking past him, my feet carrying me away and towards the tree line. "Make the right decision," He commented. I stalled, stopping just before the brush. "I'll do what I must," I muttered. I continued onward, leaving him behind. His eyes stayed on my back until I travelled far enough away, and only then did I feel him recede. It was odd. He hated me, and then he showed concern. It had to be his programming, that he was still somewhat loyal to the Jedi as a soldier of the Republic. Maybe he just felt bad.

   I didn't want pity, especially not over Jax's death. I wanted an escape from the overwhelming rage I felt at all times. It was odd. Sometimes I didn't feel that when I was around Crosshair. Tech had told me, before he died, that trauma bonded people. Maybe that was what Crosshair and I had. Equal pain. Shared trauma.

   He tried to kill you.

   He did. And then he had made a slew of other unidentifiable decisions. He was more similar to me than I wanted to admit, but I'd do my best to ignore that. My hand wrapped over the hilt, tugging it free of the hook. My thumb brushed over the ignition, my chest tightening. I was being avidly watched by something dark. The sky rumbled again as another transport surged by, my body flinching at my brief break in focus. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid.

   Let it fuel your pain.

   "No," I murmured, pressing my hand to my eyes. The tug at my sternum had ceased, and the thrum in my spine flared. "Lady Solis," A gravely voice rumbled. My blood ran cold, my back stiffening. I let my hand drop from my eyes, my left hand tightening over the hilt. A low chuckle resonated from him, my body slowly turning to the perpetrator. A figure in black stood before me, tall and foreboding. I knew what he was. His head tilted slightly, "You're hard to track down." Even with the obvious fear I exhibited, I parted my feet, preparing for the worst. I narrowed my eyes at him, "That usually means people don't want to be found." He nodded, "Yes, well, in your case, that really doesn't matter."

   He stepped sideways, moving around me like a predator, my feet shifting to keep him in front of me at all times. My eyes roved over his body, trying to study his demeanor. He chuckled once again, "Where are your friends?" I scowled, "Far." The sky rumbled again, and the lights from the transport passing by briefly lit up the area. He hummed, "Not far enough." My brows furrowed, my thumb pressing over the ignition. The yellow beam burst to life, and I pulled it back into a defensive position. He stopped, my other hand wrapping over the hilt, my feet growing heavier. "Touchy subject?" He asked. My teeth grit, "I'm not here to talk." He sighed, his hand moving back over his shoulder, "I assumed no less."

   He pulled his own weapon, letting it hang at his side. My heart fell into my gut when his own blade ignited, a blood red hue coating over his side of the jungle. He lowered his stance, "I've been waiting for this." I swallowed thickly, shifting my feet apart. He charged towards me, swinging his blade around. I spun around it, the heat nearly singing my hair. He was quick to find me again, and I was forced to bring my blade up for defense. The plasma screamed as he pushed downward, my arms locking out to hold him at bay. His aura swallowed my senses whole, a pure rip in the dark side fueled by complete rage. I slid my blade down his, enabling an opening for escape.

   I ducked under his swing, stepping back from him as I spun my blade. He cackled, "You're out of practice, Jedi." I was at a disadvantage physically, but the darkness wanted to win. It curled around my mind, the pain intensifying behind my eyes.

   Let it in.

   "No!" I barked, charging towards him, slicing my blade sideways into his. He parried, and I continued forward, the two of us trading blow for blow. He laughed the entire time. My stomach spun with nausea, my eyes filling with tears of frustration. Weak. I was completely and utterly weak. I slid to the side as he swung downward, spinning my blade upside down to meet his next attack. My teeth grit against the strain, my knees slowly buckling under the pressure. He let out a growl, shoving me down to my knee, then pushing me back. I let myself fall, kicking my leg out to connect my foot with his stomach, shoving him over me. I rolled over, my eyes connecting with his masked glare as he pushed himself up as well.

   "Lord Vader wants you alive, unfortunately," He growled. I stood quickly, reigniting my blade, "Tell your master he'll have to wait." The other end of his hilt ignited, the double ended blade spinning around once. My eyes narrowed, and I parted my feet once again. He snarled as he charged towards me again, forcing me to focus on the first side of his assault. As I connected with one side, the other neared, pressuring me to let off my defense to counter the other. My feet reeled back quickly, my blade whizzing around to hold him back. My heels hit a root, and I fell back from him, tumbling down the hill through the brush. Twigs and rocks bit into my skin as I rolled backwards, my head taking a harsh blow before I rolled to a stop.

   My mind was in a haze, my eyes struggling to refocus after the fall. My lightsaber had fallen from my hand in the process, and the air had been knocked clean from my lungs. Blaster fire could be heard near by, which set my spine ablaze. I forced my body to roll over, my arms desperately pushing against the soot. The leaves crunched softly, "How pathetic." I reached my hand out, searching for my hilt. "How the mighty Jedi have fallen," He spat. My ears filled with malicious whispers, the darkness once again seeping through my barriers. Once I found my hilt, it snapped into my hand, and I pushed myself up with a groan. He scoffed, "You want more? Is that what it is?"

   My knees wavered as my feet found the ground, my body whipping around to meet him. He shook his head, "I feel it. Can't you?" I grunted, parting my feet, my blade igniting once more. "I don't wish to talk," I rasped. He inhaled loudly, "I can smell it. Your fear, your anger." "Enough," I hissed, charging towards him. His blade met mine, tossing me sideways with ease. I stumbled, my feet slipping through the leaves. He spun back, my blade crashing into his once again. My teeth clattered, the force of his attack pushing me back through the soil. My hands cramped from how hard I was gripping the hilt, and it seemed he was only growing more forceful. He cackled, shoving me away again.

   I tripped, falling to my hands and knees. My comm blinked, the flashing green indicator requesting transmission. I let it go ignored. The rapid hiss of a lightsaber swung behind me, and I rolled out of the way, stumbling up to my feet. I reignited my blade, pointing it directly at him. His shoulders seemed to loosen, his annoyance flaring. I stepped back, pulling my blade back, spinning it into a reverse grip. My body ached for rest, but my anger and frustration filled me with the strength to keep going. I was locked into survival mode. His blades spun, slowly increasing until a red ring had formed in front of his body, an unbreakable shield. My lungs deflated, but I held my ground. He charged, and I remained still.

   When he reached me, the heat of his blades swiped at my neck, forcing me backwards I shoved out my freehand out to push him back, the Force forming a wall between us. As he slid back, I charged forward, my blade connecting with one end of his, ceasing the propeller. He snarled, pushing hard against my blade. My arms buckled inward, and I removed one of my hands, pushing it out. Both my blade and hand strained against the pressure, my fingers curling inward. His blade shook, and I gained a small window of release. I pushed him hard, disengaging my blade, dropping the hilt from my left hand into my right one. It surged back to life, and I swung it upward, the plasma slicing through the middle of his hilt.

   The tip of my blade had caught the bottom of his helmet in the process, his body stumbling back from me. I panted, regaining my position, my blade spinning forward once more. His hand reached up and pulled the pieces from his face, the gleam of his sickening yellow eyes glaring at me. He slowly swiped up the other end of his now broken hilt, igniting the two separate pieces. I scowled at him, spinning my blade around, "You were saying?" He revealed a sharp row of teeth through his smile, unsettling me. He stepped around, "I wonder what it would take to break you. The girl, perhaps?" Rage flooded my bloodstream, my eyes narrowing further. He hummed, spinning one of the blades around, "Then, you had better hope you kill me."

   I snarled, my feet pressing into the dirt hard as I charged towards him. I spun my blade around, slamming it into his right one before trading it for the left one, forcing him backward. I fought with my frustration, each time he wavered, I sunk back in, pushing him further. The darkness slid through my hands, guiding my every action, feeding it strength where it hadn't been before. It was a sickening feeling, my mind succumbing to the anger. The gleam of his eyes enraged me further. I shoved him back, letting the Force focus into my feet, launching myself over his head. I landed light, swinging my blade around into his. His other blade came down over my head, my hand shoving upward to stop it.

   The Force wrapped around the plasma, an aggravated growl resounding from him. His blade deactivated, his other one still pressing down into mine. Then he brought the hilt down over my temple. I grunted, my blade slipping free from his. My feet didn't move in time, his blade swinging at my side, the plasma ripping through my clothing, straight through the top layer of my skin. I choked, falling to my knees in agony. He hit me over the head again, my body falling flat into the dirt, my lightsaber rolling away. A cold numbing feeling spread over my spine, my hands desperately clawing into the dirt. I heard his blades deactivate, a ragged sigh escaping him. My arms wavered as I pushed myself up, my body convulsing from the wound in my side.

    He stepped around me, my eyes blurry as they locked on his feet. He scoffed, "You just don't know when to stay down." He swung the hilt into the side of my face, forcing me back down into the ground. A metallic taste filled my mouth, pain spreading across my face, my breaths patchy. His foot pushed me over onto my back, his golden eyes staring down at my defeated body. He crouched down beside me, letting out a slow sigh, "Who will protect them now?" I growled through my teeth, blood trickling back into my throat, a hard cough erupting from my chest. He chuckled lowly, "After I take care of your little pet, I will be back for you." My hands twitched, my body screaming for rest.

   He stood, rolling his shoulders before delivering another kick to my side. The force of his assault forced me back onto my side, a  breathless scream gripping my throat. My body was numbed by how quickly I'd been overtaken, and my mind had sunk further. Omega was in trouble, and it was my fault. I whimpered, trying to move my body in any sort of way. The darkness remained, but not his. He left to do exactly what he promised. He would kill them all, and there was nothing I could do about it.

   You can.

   My lungs strained for air, my chest heaving in short bursts. I couldn't differentiate the pain from the sensation the Force already gave me, my thoughts muddled completely. A tear slid from my eye, my blurry gaze locking on my hilt just a few feet away. The ignition sparked quietly, and the hum of the crystal inside was angry. I hadn't even realized it had been damaged amidst my anger. I sucked in a sharp breath, a sob breaking through my teeth. I couldn't let them be the focus of his assault. I needed to get up. I needed to protect Omega. I had already lost Jax. My spine tingled, the Force limping through my limbs, filling me with anger. My hand slammed into the ground beside my head, my body rolling weakly.

   I gritted my teeth, forcing my other arm out from under me, pressing my elbow into the ground. My legs shuffled, my wound screaming with resistance. My arms wavered, warmth dripping from my nose. The tug in my chest returned with assertion, fire burning through my blood. I was angry, enraged, frustrated with myself.

   Get up.

   My feet found the ground, and I slowly stood straight, my knees threatening to give way. I lifted my hand slightly, pulling my hilt into my hand. The crystal screeched beneath the haysian, the core unstable. I held onto it limply, forcing my feet to move, following the pull. My feet felt numb, pushing through the under brush, my heart weak and fearful. I stopped against a tree, palming the burn in my side, hissing in agony.

   Move.

   My feet pressed on, the pain melting into a cold unwelcoming feeling. Blaster fire echoed through the forest, each shot wracking my mind with possibilities. What if I was too late? Would he kill them all? I stumbled, falling to my hands and knees, the jolt startling my wound. I whined, pinching my eyes shut. "I can't," I whimpered. I felt weak for even thinking the Force could help me. The claws on my mind sunk in, a strangled scream ripping from my throat. Hate filled all corners of my mind, everything that had ever happened to me, cycling through.

   Are you angry?

   My fingers dug deep into the soil, "Yes."

   Then get up.

   I stood once more, cradling my side as I moved on. I panted hard, spitting the blood out of my mouth. I felt them, every single one of their movements. The blaster fire had ceased, and an explosion echoed out along the tree tops. I pushed my legs harder, limping into a slow jog, pushing harder until I broke into a sprint. Branches whipped my face as I stumbled through, my arms blocking them haphazardly. I wanted nothing more than to drop dead, let the exhaustion swallow me up so that the pain would cease. I kept running. I clutched the hilt tighter, spilling through the tree line into the smoke filled cavern. I forced myself forward, igniting my lightsaber. It crackled, the blade unstable through the emitter.

   I waved it through the smoke, cupping the crook of my elbow over my nose, slowly stepping through. I stumbled into something, and I looked down to see an unconscious trooper. I stepped around him, continuing through the smoke. Rushing water reached my ears in the distance, the string pulling me closer and closer to it. When the smoke cleared, I was free of the forest, the river rushing quickly below the ledge. I felt no sign of the dark sider, the tug slackening. I limped toward a boulder, leaning into it to catch my breath. I deactivated my lightsaber, holding the hilt closer to inspect the damage. The crystal chamber was ruined, and the emitter was cracked.

   I sighed, letting it drop into my lap. My wound had grown numb, but I was lucky I hadn't been bleeding. I pressed my hand to it, easing myself from the rock. My ears perked up at a blaster round, my head snapping towards it. I took off again, ignoring the burn in my side. I stumbled back through the forest, keeping in line with the river as it led downward. My lungs burned the more I ran, but my thoughts focused on Omega. Fire rushed up my spine, the Force locking on the darkness. I clenched my jaw, pushing my legs harder. As I broke through the edge of the forest, he came into view, alone. I pushed off the ground, jumping towards him, my shoulder crashing into his side as he turned.

   The two of us tumbled across the ground, The sound of water was louder now, filling the blank space between my rage. I pushed myself up, heaving as I stared over him. He scowled, "I should have killed you." I wiped my nose with the back of my hand, igniting my lightsaber. He cackled, igniting both of his own, charging at me. I spun my blade around, swinging it upward into his left, then directly into his right. I slid down his blade, shoving my hand out towards his other one, swiping it away with the Force. He doubled down with both of his hands now on a single blade, countering my aggressive offense. The claws ripping at my mind sunk deeper, my blade slamming into his with fury.

   He held me there, his sharp teeth bared in irritation. His blade separated, swinging around my left side, my blade connecting with his beside my head. He slid it upwards, sliding straight into the hilt, a blast sending us both back from one another. I fell back, rolling into a half crouch, pressing my hand to my side. My hilt laid a few feet away in pieces, the crystal among the wreckage. He growled, my eyes snapping to him as he charged towards me again. I shoved my hand out to his other abandoned hilt, the metal snapping into my hand, a red beam igniting. The red blades clashed against one another in a blinding spark of fury, the weight pressing down on my shoulders.

   I let myself fall back, kicking my leg out under his feet, forcing him down to the ground. I rolled away, stumbling to my feet. I heaved, my vision spotting, my knees growing numb.

   Kill him.

   I strode towards him as he stood up, swinging the blade at his right side. He blocked, but I shoved my free hand out at his chest, sending him backwards with the Force. He slid across the rocks, and I flicked his hilt away, gripping mine tighter. I swallowed hard, my lips twitching in irritation. I pushed my hand out, gripping onto his body with the Force, keeping him in place. He wheezed, his yellow gaze glaring up into my own, "You— are no Jedi." I grit my teeth together, raising the blade as I looked back down to him. His sharp teeth flashed, his face tight with pain.

   My fingers curled inward, a stiff noise rising from him. The Force slithered around his throat, his body sinking towards the ground. He fought against it, his hands clawing at his throat for a break in my assault. I tugged on him, forcing upright. He snarled, his pale face growing a deep shade of purple. I pulled him forward, snapping my hand shut, the blade piercing through his chest. A wavering breath hissed through my teeth, his weight sliding through my grasp. The blade extinguished, my fingers trembling. The claws seemed to rip into my mind at the notion, my free hand reaching for the other hilt. It slid into my hand comfortably, the burn in my chest satisfied. The water rustled frantically beyond, my eyes snapping away towards the sound.

   My eyes narrowed, my feet immediately limping through the forest. I grunted, stumbling to my knees, half crawling through the tree line. My wound was worsened from my exertion, and my vision was desperately fighting against blacking out completely. Two figures tussled through the water, Crosshair one of them. My eyes widened at the sight, my arms desperately trying to push my body away from the ground. It did me no good, my body tripping into the water. The cold liquid stung my wound, but numbed it down, and the water made me move easier. The water lapped up at my mouth, choking down mouthfuls as I swam to them. Crosshair was dunked under, the assaulter holding him down.

   I groaned, my feet slipping to find proper footing, footsteps of the others approaching down the side of the cliff, echoing in my ears. I heaved, reaching my hand out towards them, struggling against the rapid current in the now deeper waters. I pressed my hand flat, gripping onto the operative. He stilled, and then fell sideways, heaving into the water. Crosshair reemerged, sputtering for the air he was denied. My fingers curled, a desperate cry erupting from my chest. The operative fell under the water, but my grip remained, the corners of my vision clouding. "Drop him!" Crosshair ordered. My face pinched into agony, my hand unable to move.

   He killed Jax.

   He tripped through the water towards me, "Let go. You're not a murderer." "I am," I growled. He pushed through the rapids, his hands raised complacently, "You're not." Tears streamed down my cheeks, "He killed Jax." "Let him go," He hissed. I sobbed, letting my eyes fall shut. My name came out in a whisper from him, his burning touch gripping onto my outstretched arm. I released him with a sob, falling forward, Crosshair's hands guiding me down slowly. My shoulders quivered, my head falling into his chest. His hands gave me stability, his body blocking the harsh current from pelting me further. I sank into him with no resistance, letting the darkness recede back into the corners of my mind. His hand slid to the back of my neck, pushing me away with the other.

   His eyes narrowed, trailing down the side of my face. I ducked my head down, letting out another weak sob. "Are you.. alright?" He choked out. I nodded weakly, spitting out a tinge of blood. He softened, his hands gripping onto me like a lifeline. A wavering breath left my teeth, "Crosshair—" "Is she alright?" Rex called out, his loud splashing quickly approaching. Crosshair sighed deeply, slowly lifting me up to my feet. "Yes," He confirmed. He let go of me as Rex stepped in, my eyes remaining on him as Rex pulled me away. He emitted a heavy air of sorrow, worry hidden deep within his gaze. Rex pulled on me, "Come on. We gotta get you help." I let him lead me away, my gaze separating from Crosshair.

-

   I sat back in a cot against the wall of the hull, lamely tending to my wound. I denied help from the others, simply because I didn't want to talk. I had nothing to say, and my mind had numbed over the events of the day. My face was sore, but I refused to look at it in fear of seeing how bad it really was. My mind was fuzzy, my heart had cried all the tears I had left to give. I felt lost, and not just because Jax wasn't here. I had let myself become something terrible from losing him. He was my family, the last of the 287th, and now, I was alone. My eyes slid over the two hilts piled in with the rest of my gear, a nauseating sensation burning the back of my throat. I never should have brought them with.

   The pain they carried, the screams they'd caused— they were an abomination that I was now in the possession of. The last piece of my connection to the Jedi remained clenched in my hand, the thrum of its life dialed down into a cry. I looked down at it, the yellow hue glimmering with passion. A deep sigh slid from my teeth, the Force lifting the crystal from my palm, gently guiding it over to the rest of my gear. The action exhausted me more so, my eyes fluttering momentarily. I pressed my head back into the durasteel, limply pulling my shirt over my head, tossing the damp material aside. My wound throbbed in a grotesque way, and my skin held a faint smell of plasma.

   The skin was flushed around the edges, the gash thin but long. I grabbed the bacta gel, breaking the seal. I slid my body forward, leaning back to stretch my abdomen out, my skin pulling in an uncomfortable way, cracking at the already scabbed areas. I squeezed a generous amount out of the tube, gasping at the sudden sensation. I dropped the tube, pressing my middle and pointer to the gel, slowly spreading it over the site. I sank back into the cot as the gel immediately began to soothe the area, my hand falling away. The door hissed open, making me sit up quicker than I would've liked to. I glared at Crosshair as he barged in, "I'm not decent." He scoffed, "You're decent enough."

   He approached, shoving my shoulder back to make me face him. I turned my face away, my face heating in embarrassment. He grunted, grabbing the medkit beside me, shuffling through its contents. "I don't need help," I murmured. "What about your face?" He asked. "I'll handle it," I replied. He shifted, stepping back in front of me with a pack of gauze and saline solution, "You're doing it now." My shoulders sagged, dejectedly reaching for the supplies. He pulled them back, "I'm helping." I rolled my eyes, "I told you I don't want help." "You saved my life," He hissed. My eyes rounded softly, my jaw clamping shut. He pulled the packaging apart, tossing the waste onto the cot, squeezing the saline into the gauze pack.

   He slowly pressed the material to my eyebrow, causing me to flinch. He exhaled, pressing it down again, softer. It was uncomfortable, the bruising more painful than the cuts themselves. He tossed away one after one, tending to each of the splits in my skin with a tenderness I was unaware he possessed. Perhaps he felt indebted to me, which was unnecessary. I wanted to kill the operative, simply because he killed Jax. His brows were pinched in deep focus, his eyes rarely meeting my own. When he moved onto the bacta, I couldn't help but relax into the application. The pain was numbed over, and exhaustion was finally allowed in, lulling me into a relaxed state of mind.

   "How does it feel?" He murmured, dabbing the applicator over the last cut at the high point of my cheek. "Fine," I breathed out. "And your side?" He pressed. I scoffed, pushing his hand away, "Enough, okay?" I slid off the cot slowly, my abdomen flexing uncomfortably at the movement. "Sit down," He scolded. "Stop! Just— stop," I pleaded, pressing my hand to the wall for support. I pulled in a sharp breath through my teeth, swallowing back the tears welling up in my eyes. "I don't want your sympathy. Please," I murmured. "Okay," He replied. My shoulders tensed, a silent tear rolling from my eye. I hated looking weak, especially in front of him of all people. But he was the only one who didn't look at me in fear— unlike like Rex, or Omega.

   I was just tired. Tired of pretending to be someone I wasn't, of pretending that everything after the war hadn't destroyed me. They didn't understand, not like Jax did. He may not have known the depths of my turmoil, but he knew me, and now, he was gone. "Get some rest," He huffed out, his footsteps receding away from me. I rubbed the wetness from my cheek, "Crosshair." His footsteps went quiet.

   "Thank you," I mumbled.

Chapter Text

  "AZI," I groaned, batting away the little droids frantic fingers. He had yet to leave my hut, nor let me leave it myself, not that I wanted to, I just wanted peace. I hadn't planned on leaving until most of my face was healed, since it would draw too much attention. Gossip travelled fast, the last thing I needed was more people looking at me out of fear. Or asking questions. I stood just as AZI reached out again, pushing him aside. "Miss Solis, please do not strain yourself," AZI pleaded. I shook my head in dismissal, pushing my way into the refresher, locking the door behind me. To say I was embarrassed was an understatement. I had been beaten into the ground and gave no explanation as to how it happened.

   Weakness. Hate. Anger. That's how it happened. The bruising was punishment to my lack of self control, throbbing every time I even minimally tried to move my brows. The burn in my side was brutal evidence that I wasn't strong enough. Everything ached. Not just physically, emotionally and mentally. I was completely and utterly drained from the events of Teth, and I had no idea how to combat it. A strange emptiness in my chest thrummed everytime my thoughts drifted to Jax. Jax. He was gone, now, an example made by the Empire once again. Nothing was permanent, and if you thought you were happy, it was a lie. I wasn't happy. Far from it. Rage filled every corner of my mind, dulled with the revelation of defeat.

   I thought I had grown more accustomed to the thought of failure, but it seemed I lied to myself once again. I was a terrible Jedi, not that I could even call myself one anymore. That part of me had been ripped from the inner workings of my being along with the Republic. Lies. Deceit. Failure. Looking at myself made me sick. I looked horrendous. Not just because I physically looked unwell, but my soul felt tainted and maimed. The combination from the lack of sleep and poor mental stimulation had knocked me over the edge. I was a walking corpse, essentially, bleeding the life out of everything around me without even trying. I felt it all. Every single time the knock at my door went unanswered, I felt the disappointment and sorrow.

   My stomach twisted in knots, begging me to consume something so that it may give it back. I wasn't stupid, I knew better than to think I could comfortably relax in my new skin. My hand slid over my side, palming the soreness. I glared at myself with a burning hatred I had reserved for only one other, wishing its intent actually had effect. Exhaustion. Envy. Pressure. The woman in the mirror wasn't me. The woman in the mirror was pale, her eyes sunken in, irises dulled from their natural color. She was lifeless, a soul with no way to the other side. I was not her. She was a failure. Why was it that I felt the need to be someone different? I did everything for the benefit of everyone else, what else could I possibly do?

   Perhaps I could've been more perceptive, maybe even personable. It was my fault that the shroud of darkness had grown so heavy. I put it there, I fed it. I couldn't help it, not anymore. It controlled that special part of my brain in charge of decision making. The knock continued. They didn't know me, how could they even dare to say so? My body was a vessel, one that held more memories than the freedom to express my true feelings. My fingernails dug into the side of the basin. Why did it feel like nothing? The weight had grown numb, heavy and suffocating. If it hurt so badly, why couldn't I cry? "Miss Solis?" AZI prompted again from behind the door, "Mrs Stratusson is here."

   I pushed back against the basin, roughly swallowing to coat the dryness of my throat. "Tell her it's not a good time," I rasped out. I sighed heavily at another knock on the door, pushing my hair back from my forehead, "AZI, I said—" "Open the door, Dasta," Gasyl pleaded. The ache in my chest pulled sharp at her tone, my shoulders sagging. I didn't reply, leaning back against the door. I could almost feel her hand through the wood, the concern that radiated from her in sharp waves. It felt wrong to ignore her. I did anyway, sliding down the door until I was wound up in a heap, my face pressed into my knees. Eventually, I felt her presence shrink away, but still, I remained in place, finding little respite in the quiet of my refresher.

   I didn't reemerge until nightfall, shuffling back into my room to lie down. I stared at the ceiling the entirety of the nights rotation, mind blank and unblinking. I was dead. I had to be. What kind of human could sit here and forcibly deny any sort of basic need? Sleep was a fleeting desire that I shut down at the reminder of impending night terrors, and eating made me more nauseous than I already was. If I kept going, I could die a cowards death, be freed of my sin. My soul was damned either way, it didn't matter how I went. When the sun broke over the horizon, I was still sat in place, the bright streams of sunlight singeing my irises. Moon-yo's and birds hooted, and the sounds of life beginning to rise filled the outside air.

   My face ached from lying on it, but I was too dead in place to move. I was aware of my smell, my pits fragrant with the thick scent of body odor and sweat. My legs were sticky under the linens, and my hair weighed down my scalp. Fine. It was more work than I anticipated in getting out of my cot, every movement sending jolts of strain through my body. My head was heavy, nearly falling off my shoulders before the dizziness subsided. Showering was even worse, the water seemed to burn my skin no matter how cold I made it. My hair was washed haphazardly, my skin scrubbed to the bone, the grotesque smell now masked with lavender. I waddled into the kitchen in my towel, letting the soft patter of water drip from my hair carelessly.

   My tongue salivated at the now brewing caf, my free hand braced against the counter top. When the scent of bitter caf filled my home, I poured a cup and sipped on the scalding liquid immediately, the roof of my mouth flashing with heat and distress. I didn't care, letting the liquid fill the empty confines of my stomach. It had been three days since Jax died, since I lost part of my being. I felt numb to it, still, even when my body cried out otherwise. It wasn't long before AZI slipped back into my home, yammering on about how he was pleased to see me 'looking better'. That had to be a joke, a cruel one. A shower didn't change anything but the putrid odor I was carrying around. "And Mrs Stratusson asked about you again this morning," AZI babbled on.

   I sighed, placing my cup down. Why I hadn't shoved the chattery droid out of my house yet was beyond me. I walked away from him back into my room, put some clothes on and reemerged, taking my cup back. He'd spread out the usual supplies he brought by, bacta, cleaning solvents, packing. "That won't be necessary," I murmured into my cup. His body spun, "Your wounds were severe, Miss Solis. I advise you to let me treat them." "If they're so severe, I can take care of it myself," I grumbled out. His yellow eyes flickered with his momentary silence before going back to the supplies, "I don't believe you will, Miss Solis." I rolled my eyes, tipping the rest of the caf back before pouring myself another cup. "You should eat. You cannot sustain energy or recovery without oral sustenance.. by only drinking caffeine," AZI prodded.

   "I'll pass," I muttered, sipping the bitter liquid. It was the same conversation daily about how I wasn't taking care of myself, and that my wounds needed to be tended to still. I'd rather wallow in my self pity, heal at the Maker's pace and be left alone. I remained still as he packed my wound regardless, waving him off when he got to my face. "Perhaps a walk will help? Maybe a visit to see Mrs Stratusson?" AZI suggested. I shook my head, putting the brewer into the basin along with all my other dirty ceramics, "No, thanks." "Miss Solis, you cannot stay inside, it is not good for your health," AZI pleaded, floating around me. I brushed past him, "I'm not going anywhere, AZI." "Not even to see Omega?" He pressed. "No," I confirmed, finality in my tone.

   He mumbled something along the lines of 'oh, dear', the mechanical whirring of his body whizzing around my kitchen. I leaned into the counter, grabbing my mug, my eyes following the droids movements. If he were human, he'd be the definition of anxious. Maybe he was. I rolled my eyes inwardly at the thought. No, that was stupid, he was just a droid. The door rattled, and a familiar blonde little girl barged in. I glared at AZI, though he wasn't looking, his head ducked and hands curled in front of him. "Ashla," Omega greeted, hurling herself through the room towards me. She nearly crashed into me, but hesitated upon AZI's worried sounds. She stepped back, "Uh, sorry. How're you feeling? You've been.. absent."

   She was just a child, one I couldn't afford to be dismissive of. I had already harmed her feelings, I wouldn't do so again. "I'm alright. Recovery takes time," I assured, setting my cup down. She nodded, "I was worried— we all are, actually." My brows furrowed, "There's nothing to worry about." She looked hesitant, like she wanted to say something she shouldn't. Anxiety, maybe even fear radiated from the young clone, picking at the skin of her thumbs. "What is it?" I asked. She avoided my gaze, "It's just.. you haven't talked about what happened.. with Jax, or anything." Jax. They weren't worried about what happened, they were worried about the consequences I suffered because of it. My jaw clenched, a slow exhale escaping my nose.

   "I didn't mean to bring up anything that.. upsets you, it's just—" She trailed off. I grabbed my cup a little more forcefully than necessary, "Just what, Omega?" "We're holding a memorial for all the clones on Teth," She sputtered out, "Jax included." A funeral. Was that supposed to help? Was that supposed to make it better? My blood pulsed with fire, coursing through me in waves of rage. It hurt more to think about than I thought possible, the ceramic cracking under the pressure of my hand. "Ashla—" Omega pressed. "No," I snapped. I set the cup down forcefully, stepping away from her. "Ashla, please. This isn't helping, you're not making it better," Omega pleaded. I pushed AZI aside as he whirred in front of me. I couldn't have peace in the comfort of my own home.

   "Omega, stop. Just.. please, leave me alone," I broke out. I left my hut in a hurry, storming past a few of the locals out and about. Everywhere I went, stares, whispered words, looks of shock. Why couldn't they just shut up and look away? I stormed all the way up to the cliff, one of my many spots to find peace. I came to this spot because of Jax, because after everything, I wished I could go back to the night he found me sitting alone. Rain clouds rolled in from the distance, the sunlight fighting for its place in the sky. The singular tree that rested upon the cliff shook in the wind, its large stature cradling my body. Peace. All I wanted was peace. So, I cried. Cried until there were no more tears to pour out, until my body was too weak to sit from strength alone.

   I sat there even when the clouds covered the entirety of the sky, even when the rain pelted down on my body. The Force felt so empty that I couldn't even feel its warmth to shield me from the cold. Any and all life that I normally felt had been silenced, damning me to the dull prison of my thoughts. When the rain eventually stopped, I got up out of the mud, forcing myself back down into civilization. My feet carried me through the puddled pathways, my linens soaked through to my skin. I was cold, and my wounds seemed to ache the closer I got to Gasyl's shoppe. Family was an odd topic since I ceased to have any left, but my chest tugged me straight to her, straight into her welcoming embrace. My knuckles rapped against the door, and moments later she appeared, wide eyed and frantic.

   Not even minutes into her tugging me into the shoppe, she helped me with my soaked clothes, giving me a change and a towel. She repacked my wound covering and applied a salve to my face, remaining silent as I sipped the herbal tea she brewed for me. She was tender, providing a level of care I desperately craved. I remained there overnight, once again staring up at the ceiling as she slept peacefully in a pull out cot beside me. When she did wake, she redressed my wound packing and brought me breakfast, which I picked at, eating the small pieces of fruit she'd picked up for me. Only then did she sit beside me, an expectant look pulled onto her features. "Talk to me, Dasta," She urged, rubbing my back in soft circles.

   I shook my head, pushing the fruit around, "I apologize for barging in." She sighed, "I don't care about that, I care about your injuries. What happened to you?" I shrugged, "I got into a fight." "Ashla," She warned. I looked up from the fruit, shrinking away at her scolding gaze, "Sorry." "You've caught yourself an infection from the rain. This— burn is more serious than you're treating it," She explained, squeezing my shoulder. I nodded slowly, stabbing a cube of jogan, popping it into my mouth. If she knew about Jax, then she didn't say anything, which I appreciated. I just wanted peace, and I obviously couldn't get that at home. "Eat. Your skin tells me you haven't been," She warned, standing up and walking away.

   She left me in the back, her small homestead, to return to other matters while I followed her orders by finishing the rest of the fruit on my plate. My body ached for rest and the burn pulsed with its own heartbeat. I laid down after I put the plate in the basin, letting sleep finally overwhelm me.

-

  I was standing in the Temple. It wasn't the warm, welcoming home of peace and answers like I remembered it. It was ruined. Quiet. Ash scorched stone walls tainted by fire, cracked tiled floor that crunched beneath my feet like glass. There was a metallic scent in the air, thick like it had been there for a while, baked into its foundation. I stepped carefully, my eyes tracing over the barely smoldering flames as they began to simmer down into ash with the rest of what remained. I remembered where I was, it was the main corridor before the indictment hall, where I was inducted into the Order as a knight. Someone had to be here, I felt their presence, familiar, residing among the foreboding destruction.

   "Master?" I called out. The silence stretched long and thick like tar, sticking to every crevice. The shadows seemed to creep inward, smothering the Temple walls, coiling around my ankles. A shiver roved down my spine, tickling the back of my neck like a kiss. I turned slowly. At the end, someone stood. Not my master, not a Jedi. Darkness. The cold. He stood like myth incarnate, a nightmarish entity cloaked in the saturation of pain and agony. He was failures embodiment. His breathing was mechanical, gasping and eternal— the sound a heartbeat of endless void. "I called for Master Windu," I spoke quietly. The figure didn't move, he wasn't even bothered that I had spoken so meekly.

   "He doesn't answer to you, anymore," The figure replied. His voice was ice, inhuman and sharp. Each syllable was accentuated by a sharp crack in his modulator. I swallowed hard, "Why?" "You stopped listening," He said. He wasn't there anymore, and when I turned, I wasn't in the Temple. Shards of black glass cracked beneath my feet, some floating with reflections of the past. They were frozen. Faces of those I cared about, stilled in their final moments of fear and anguish. But they were wrong— distorted into horrifying mutilations of their faces pulled into sick agony. A sharp hiss of air left my teeth. I thought I might vomit. My master— laid in fire, burning down to the bone. His head was turned toward me, and his jaw hung sideways.

   A scream tore through the void, my eyes snapping around to the figure now pacing around me. "You mourn weakness. You nurture it. You beg it to become strength, but it won't," He said. My eyes stung, "I loved him." "You hated his death more than you loved his life," He scolded. He lifted a gloved hand, lifting shards of glass from the ground. Jax was strewn across the floor, limbs torn and mangled, his eyes stuck open with unshed tears. Before it all— me, stood above him, bloodied and trembling, a red beam of plasma fizzling at my side. "You said goodbye, but meant good riddance," He provoked. My mouth tingled, my throat closing up. "I didn't do that. You're lying," I whispered.

   "You wanted to be free. Free of the guilt. The grief. The expectations," He murmured. More shards of glass rose up, each encapsulating a memory that was altered— corrupted. I didn't save Crosshair, I held him under the water, my fingers curling with fury. His eyes dimmed, both him and the operative falling over the edge of water. That shard fell away, one with Rex swiveling forward. We argued, and instead of him storming off after my rejection, I held on to him, choked him instead of warping the durasteel wall. "No," I murmured, clutching my hands over my ears, forcing my eyes away. Another shard rose, and another, orbiting around me like moons, slicing through the air like daggers.

   "This is who you are," A woman spoke. The shards collapsed, shattering among the floor. He stepped aside, revealing a new figure. She was draped in darkness like velvet, her voice sultry and elegant. She held my shape— my body— my face, but her features were twisted. She was star-crushingly beautiful— like a serpent, her presence slithering through the gaps in my mind. Her head tilted, lips pulling sideways to reveal sharp, dangerous teeth, "Why do you fear me? I'm not your end, I'm your answer." She raised her hand. "No more guilt. No more weakness. No more pretending to be someone you're not," She tempted. I staggered back, reaching for my blaster. It wasn't there. Instead, something heavy fell into my palm.

   A red blade surged to life, my eyes staring down at it in horror. I couldn't unravel my fingers, the hilt ingrained into my skin. "I didn't choose this!" I begged. "Didn't you?" He spoke. My lungs collapsed, my eyes entranced by the blade. "The moment you wanted vengeance more than peace, you became her," He hissed. I shook my head, "I never wanted—" "You wanted them to suffer," She whispered, stepping closer, "And that was enough." The floor split open beneath my feet. Below it was Pabu— torn by flames, erupting with screams. Omega. Gasyl. Hunter. Wrecker. Crosshair. They all burned. Each and every one of them scalded from the terror. I finally flung the hilt from my hand, dropping my knees. I clutched my skull, a scream ripping through my chest.

   "You are her."

   "I'm not!" I cried.

   "You will be."

-

     I shot upright with a gasp, the air ripping raw from my throat. The room spun, my eyes bleary with unshed tears. My hands clawed at the sheets, searching for the weapon that had just been there. It wasn't— no, of course it wasn't there. But it had been just seconds ago. I could still hear the hum of it, it's unstable energy blistering my palm. My hands were wound in the sweat soaked sheet draped around my waist. There was nothing there, but the air still felt thick. Wrong. Her voice still scratched along the walls of my mind like a mantra, repeating over and over. I pressed my trembling hands to my face, ignoring the burn the sweat inflicted on my wounds. It clung to me like blood, stained my skin through to the bone.

   The soft padding of footsteps reached the door, the wood swinging inward to reveal Gasyl, another plate clutched in her dainty hands. "Maker, you're awake," She breathed. I dropped my hands from my face, looking to Gasyl warily. She immediately came forward, "You're pale. What happened? Is it your wound?" My mouth was dry, and for a moment, words seemed to fail me. I settled for just a short, numb shake of my head. She set the plate down beside me, resting her hand on my knee. Her touch was grounding. Real. It pulled me back down to the present, her warmth softening the cold chill in my bones. I breathed, exhaling the thick ash that seemed to remain in my lungs. "It hurts a little," I murmured, giving in to her offer of help.

   She flicked her other hand, gesturing for me to sit back. I did, begrudgingly, pulling my shirt up enough for her to check it. It was the same as before, messier from the infection, but it showed signs of healing. She changed the packing, applied a new layer of salve and left it alone. She turned off to pick up around the small room in which she used as her homestead, leaving me to my own thoughts. I was still reeling from the nightmare? Vision? I wasn't sure what to call it, but it unsettled me. I stood from the cot, my hand bracing against the wall as I fought a wave of nausea back. "You shouldn't move too much," She warned.

   I shook my head, "I shouldn't stay. I've already taken too much time and resources. I cannot pay." She sighed, putting down the shirt she was folding, "Pay? That's nonsense. You've done so much for me, I cannot repay you enough. You're no burden here, Dasta." The tired look in her usually bright green eyes told me otherwise. I was supposed to be selfless, give without receiving in turn. My brows pinched as I shook my head, "I'm alright. I just need some air." Gasyl reached out for me, gently guiding me through the room towards the door. I walked sideways, the ache in my body burning with each step. She grabbed a small burlap pack from the counter as we passed by, placing it into my hands.

   "Some extra salve and mootroot leaves for the pain," She clarified, flashing me a small smile. I dipped my chin to her, her grounding touch falling from my arm. I waddled out of her shoppe, stepping into a murky puddle from the past rain. The air was thick with moisture and the sun was past noon, beginning its slow descent towards the horizon. It immediately stuck to my skin, encouraging me to start walking back in the direction of my hut. I didn't hurry. There was no need to. The village was quieter now. There were less prodding eyes, they were too distracted with the ceremony to be held at nightfall. The notion clutched at my throat with bile, but my mind was elsewhere. Still back in that dream. Still hearing her voice.

You are her.

   I stopped, sucking in a breath, my eyes falling shut. It wasn't real. I was grieving, and the Force liked to shriek when emotions were running high. Dramatic. They didn't die like that. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't. Footsteps scuffed the path behind me. I didn't need to turn, I knew that smothering presence. "Didn't think I'd see you crawl out from your hut," Crosshair muttered. I glanced at him over my shoulder. He stood several paces back, his rifle hung loosely in his hand. His face was unreadable, his usual sneer secured in place. "Didn't think you cared," I replied, flat. He shrugged, "I don't." I looked away, my eyes sliding over the water in the distance. The ocean beyond was calm, soft in a way that made me ache.

   He didn't leave, annoyingly, the gravel crunching as he moved closer. "You're limping," He observed, "Should you even be walking?" I didn't answer. I didn't look at him. "Ignoring me?" He asked. Still nothing. He scoffed, "Here you are. Pretending again." That got my attention. I turned sharply, my eyes narrowing, "Why are you here?" His brow twitched, "You're not easy to catch. Not when you don't want to be found." Silence opened between us, wide and familiar. I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling the wound in my side pulse beneath the pressure. "You're not going to ask what happened?" I asked. He hummed lightly, "You'd lie." I almost scoffed.

   "You don't know that," I grumbled. "You're a Jedi. Lying comes with the dogma," He replied. I exhaled through my nose, letting my eyes flutter shut. He was grating on my already strained patience. "I'm not a Jedi," I warned. "Sure," He drawled. His audacity flushed my face with heat, my hands forming into fists at my sides. "You can hate me all you want," I said. "I do," He replied easily. I let out a breath, "Good." He stepped past me, close enough so that I knew he was meddling, far enough to give me space. I didn't feel his gaze, his usual aggression or any pent up frustration. "Just not today," He muttered. I blinked, turning slightly, but he was already walking away. As his form gradually grew further, I tore my gaze away. Not today. I scoffed at the irony. Not today because of memorial.

   I resented myself for even mildly appreciating his soft words of understanding. Of course he understood. How couldn't he? Tech died and he never got the chance to say goodbye. Tech died trying to save Crosshair and he wasn't even aware of that. It pricked at my nerves. Another one of my many faults. Why couldn't it have been me? I tried to save Jax, tried to get through the smoldering of the collapsed ceiling to shelter him from death. He died anyway. Needlessly. My hand grasping for his limp one. And we carried on, continuing the mission as always. It was always about finishing the mission.

   My hut was in the same condition as I had left it. Basin full of dirty ceramics, water spot stained floorboards. The medical supplies AZI had laid out were gone at least, but my half empty cup of now cold caf remained on the counter. I left it there and started a new brew, hunched over the counter waiting for the scent of caf to fill my senses. The air around me hung heavy, foreboding. It warped my ability to ignore the impending arrival of unwanted feelings for the days later event. Death was a weird concept. I was taught that when you die, you become one with the Force. I wanted to believe Jax had become one with the Force, but how could I when it felt as if the Force had turned away from me?

   I moved hastily when the caf was finished, letting the hot ceramic heat my suddenly cold hands as I limped around my hut. I searched everywhere, high and low, looking for the most common household items. There was some parchment and a nearly dried out ink head shoved into the back of the storage closet from whoever lived here last. I slid the caf onto the counter, the ink head hovering over the smudged page. My hand trembled, my thoughts muted. All I had to do was write one sentence— one word, anything that might mean something to Jax's death. I failed him then, and I was failing him now. How could I have nothing to say? Nothing to wish for? Nothing to plead for?

   I dropped the ink head, shoving my fingers through the hair at my scalp. Something. Anything. I snatched the ink head again, scribbling down words that looked half legible if you looked sideways. Everything I wrote sounded too professional, too Jedi-like. It sounded hollow, wrong and forced, like the words weren't really coming from me. I scratched them out, wrote them again, changed the words, but ultimately, ruined the parchment entirely. All I could muster were the pathetic words: I'm sorry.

   I didn't go.

   At least.. not fully. The sky eventually dimmed to orange, then to navy and then to black, cloaking the island in darkness. The lanterns that littered Pabu's endless huts and market place flickered to life, casting a soft glow over its beauty. From here, just above the beach line, I sat, my knees tugged up to my chin. My eyes threatened to move many times, and I scolded myself internally for even being in the same vicinity. I should've just stayed home. I should've shut myself away like I said I would. But here I sat, watching people filter onto the sands— people who didn't even know the men from Teth. Funerals were odd. Having numerous people show up in your honor without even knowing the honor they were mourning.

   I pressed my cheek to the linen draped over my arms. My side still ached. My face throbbed. The pain wasn't physical, it was hollow, weaving through my bones in whispers. The pain sat below me on the sand. The pain sat beneath the rubble that would never move again back on Teth. Jax would've gone. He would've said something about honor, how it wasn't taken, bowed his head when the names of his fallen brothers were read. He would've stood at my side, as always. The unwavering commander who never questioned his generals motive or plan. He would've said that it wasn't my fault, that the men died for what they believed in, that they gave their lives for the Republic, for freedom. I wouldn't believe him, but I would've stood beside him anyway.

   Now there was no one to stand beside. No one to hold the memory of the 287th with me. No one to understand that mourning Jax meant mourning the Jedi too. Mourning the girl I used to be when the war still had meaning. My fingernails dug deep crescents into my arms. They didn't need me there. The Batch. Rex. Omega. They didn't want the shadow of what I'd become standing near their sorrows. I had no eulogy in me, no prayers to offer. Only the weight of regret and the sick, festering knowledge that I'd almost killed the man who killed Jax. Not stop him. Not defeat him. Kill him. I should've killed him. I had every right to. But I didn't. I couldn't decide if that made me weak or not, if it was a good thing that I had been pulled from my spiral.

   I shouldn't have brought those blades back, regardless of why I had kept them to begin with. Regardless of my now fading kyber crystal tucked away into an abandoned crate. But I did. Below, the faint murmur of voices rose, the names beginning to be spoken. I pressed my forehead against my knees and squeezed my eyes shut. Not because I couldn't bear to hear them, but because I was afraid of not feeling anything when I did.

-

  -20 BBY-

   Location: Hyperspace.

   "I believe we'd have the tactical advantage if we let them come to us. Divide the legion into the choke points and flush them out with the element of surprise," Jax said, swiping away at the holo. I stood stiffly, my brow creased as I looked over the strategy. "That might give us a disadvantage— should the Separatist forces choose to take the open field instead of actively pursuing us, we would be forced into a reactive stance," Tech combated, his hands tapping at the interface. The air on the bridge smelled stale, filtered too many times. Hunter swiped away Jax's plan, "If the choke points are here and here, why aren't we calling air support to sweep the outer lines before we even get close?" I sighed, "We've been over this. Minimal casualties. We need that tactical droid working."

   Wrecker groaned, "Aw! So, we don't get to blow anything up?" "No, Wrecker. Try to keep up," Crosshair sneered. Jax straightened beside me, "We still have no on-the-ground updates from General Bilaba. We're sitting ducks if we delay." "As I have stated before," Tech interjected, "We should be focusing more on a covert insertion by a specialized unit. It would be both more efficient and tactically favorable—" "Then send me in," Crosshair interrupted, pointing his toothpick at the target, "I can disable the droid with a shot to the processor from ten klicks out. Send in a clean-up squad after." I sent him a glare, "As if it won't be guarded tenfold. This isn't a target practice sim." My head was ready to fall off my shoulders. I was annoyed, tired and desperate for an ounce of agreement.

   He shrugged noncommittally, "Just a suggestion, General." I sighed, planting my hands against the holotable, closing my eyes for just a second. Just a second. I hadn't slept in two rotations, meditated in longer. My mind was near burnt to a crisp. "We need a solution before we get there and General Bilaba is left with no defenses. I don't want to be blind and surrounded. I need that droid alive," I snapped. It was more than just making sure the mission was well planned. It was Depa. The Council's prodigal daughter. The one whose records were unblemished, whose leadership was praised in every debrief. Perfect Depa. Perfect Knight. Perfect General. Even if my master didn't say it, she was his star pupil, the one who could do no wrong.

   I was none of those things, seeing as I was scrambling for a plan surrounded by a unit of specialized clones who'd rather blow the whole compound sky high than strategize a clean-up op. I felt Jax shift beside me, just slightly, a sigh leaving him as the other continued to argue. He was just as fed up as I was, and he made it silently known that he understood me. That didn't change the fact that I was standing here boiling, unraveling, and out of ideas. My head spun with the countless layouts we had discussed, all of which led me back into the same gutter. "They won't wait," I murmured, mostly to myself, "She'll have already engaged." Tech paused, lifting his chin, "Then our window for a clean insertion is closing."

   "I'll get us in," Hunter offered, flicking the holo to an overhead terrain map, "Drop here, move through the ravine system, use the smoke and slope to mask our entry." Crosshair snorted, "If we survive the climb." "We will," Jax affirmed. I looked over at him. He gave a look, one that said, I'll follow whatever call you make, even when no one else will. It used to be enough. I scrubbed at my eyes, "Fine. We use the ravines. Wrecker, you and Jax take point. Tech, I want constant scans for comm signals and seismic irregularities. Crosshair—" He waved a hand at me, "Yeah, yeah. Take the high ground, shoot anything with a metal head." My lips pressed thin, "Only if I say so." He smirked around his toothpick, but didn't argue. The map flickered.

   Depa was somewhere in the red zone, either holding the line or already buried beneath it. She would've had a contingency in place. She never hesitated, never second-guessed. She didn't need to. I did. "This is a mess," I muttered. The table went quiet, the hum of the bridge dying out in my ears. "You're tired," Jax said carefully. "I'm wrong," I corrected. "We've changed the plan three times. I've contradicted myself twice in the last ten minutes. We're not coordinated, we're guessing," I spewed. Jax leaned closer, "You're adapting. That's not the same as guessing." I looked at him, jaw tight, "You think she'd have gotten it wrong?" His head tilted sideways, a small smile pulling at his lips, "No, I think she would've made the same call. Just with a little less screaming."

  That got a snort out of Wrecker and an exasperated sigh from Tech. Even I felt my lip twitch. Just slightly. The others moved, shifting toward the doors, Hunter to prep gear, Tech to coordinate routes, Wrecker probably to polish his fist. Even Crosshair gave me a brief, unreadable glance before slinking off, my eyes nearly rolling to the back of my head. I leaned back against the holotable once the door shut, arms crossed tightly over my chest. "Do you ever wish you could be someone else?" I asked. Jax raised a brow, "Every time I’m nearly shot." I frowned, "I'm serious." "So am I," He leaned against the table beside me, mirroring my action with his arms over his chest. He sighed, "What's really going on?"

   I looked down at my feet, "Do you ever think that maybe I wasn’t made for this? That they only knighted me because they had to for the war?" He didn't say anything, the quiet chatter on the bridge filling the silence between us. He didn't argue with me, he just sat there unbothered like we were just normal people, not hurdling through the stars headed for disarray. "You know what I think?" He said finally. I huffed, "Please don't say something soft." He grunted, "You care deeply." I looked up at him, my brows furrowing. He continued, "You care too much about getting it right. The next mission, the Council, your reputation—" "I don't care about my reputation," I muttered.

   "You do," He countered, "You care because you want to live up to an unrealistic standard." He meant the standard the Jedi had put in place a millennia ago. It wasn't that simple. "I just," I dragged my hand down my face, sighing raggedly, "I feel like I can't keep up." "Are any of us really keeping up?" He asked. I rolled my eyes, "It feels like everyone else is." Jax uncrossed his arms and pushed off the table, turning to face me, "It's war. No one is keeping up." It was war, but that didn't make it feel any better. I still felt years behind my colleagues, those I used to be able to sit back and call master without the weight of failure. Jax patted me on the shoulder, "You're a good General. The men believe so, too."

Chapter Text

   The shards spun around me, her velvety tone weaving in between the slices in the air. There was no Temple this time, only endless water hemmed in by the void, the shards clattering into the ankle-deep pool with hollow chimes. My master's bone was still charred through, jutting from the water like a monument, and Jax was still. Too still. She touched me again— long, slender fingers grazing my shoulders as though I already belonged to her. Her breath hissed past my ear, curling smoke into my skull. The shadow of a man stood before me, unmoving. He hadn't spoken since my first meeting with the two. She was the voice. He was the weight. His respirator filled the silence between her words, a low, steady drag that scraped against my chest.

   She whispered my name, a shard of glass sliding into her palm, slick with light, and she shoved it into my line of sight over my shoulder. "Look at them. It doesn't have to be this way," She murmured. My jaw locked. I knew this game. I had stopped arguing after her third appearance. Yet, still she slinked around me with her floor-length silks drifting across the water— untouched by it. I let out a sharp breath, my chest aching. The torment never stopped, and sleep had become unavoidable under Gasyl's treatments. These weren't dreams. "You'll circle back," She taunted, her voice like silk drawn across a blade, "You always do." The water cooled rapidly, numbing around my ankles until the skin prickled. I looked down, the darkness beneath the surface congealed, turned red, then copper.

   It melted upward, seeping through my skin and into my bones. A violent shudder tore through me, nerves shriveling in on themselves. My knees hit the water—only it wasn't water anymore, but glass, cutting into me as I sank. My eyes burned, the sting sharp, as though they were bleeding. Suddenly, I was falling. I braced for the impact the shards would carve into my palms, but instead, warmth broke through. Dust. Grit. Sharp rocks scattered under my hands. The powder was red, sticking to my skin, and the metallic tang on my tongue told me I'd bitten down hard upon impact. The air was thick. Chalk and ash choked my lungs before I could even gasp. I blinked into the haze. This wasn't ozone— this was the planet itself, stifling the oxygen.

   The ground rumbled beneath me, a pulse deep in the planet's core that resonated with the Force. My breath hitched, the air leaving my lungs completely. I staggered upright, the landscape bending around me until it hardened into rusted angles and corroded walls. An old Republic refinery. One I'd been stationed at years ago. Only now it sagged and wilted, durasteel plates peeled away and buckled under the storming atmosphere. And the screams that echoed throughout its walls. "Why are you showing me this?" I demanded. Her grip slithered along the back of my mind, slick and poisonous, filling every corner. "You'll circle back," She repeated, "You always do." I lurched forward a step, but the ground beneath me cracked. My foot broke through, and suddenly I was sinking again.

   The factory collapsed into water while I plunged face first, the acrid taste bleaching my tongue, searing my throat. My arms flailed, but the liquid clung like oil, heavy and suffocating. He was there. I didn't even need to look, his shadow pressing over me, immovable. My chest burned, lungs begging to collapse. "You're fighting it," She cooed, somewhere above the surface. "But you don't have to. Why suffer for them?" She whispered. Through the water, Jax's face flickered— eyes closed, skin pale, his stillness damning. Beside him.. Tech.. My stomach lurched. The water throbbed red around them. "Enough," I tried to say, but no sound carried. "You carry their weight," She went on, her voice warping through the current.

   "And yet.. you never put it down. What would it take? How much more until you break?" She taunted. The respirator's drag filled the silence, louder now, oppressive, like he already knew the end was near. His presence pressed into my skull, heavy enough to bow my neck. Still, he said nothing. Still, he only watched. I clawed upward through the mire, but every stroke only dragged me deeper. The glass shards returned, glinting just below the surface, pressing into my skin. They caught in my hair, tangled around my wrists like chains. "You want it to end," She whispered, her voice coiling like smoke into my lungs, "All you have to do is let go. Say it. And I'll take it from you." The water boiled, scalding. My body convulsed with it. Her lips grazed my temple as if she were already there, claiming me. And for a moment— one terrible, fleeting moment, the words nearly tore out of me.

   Let them hurt.

   The thought wasn't hers. It was mine. My chest seized, the copper flooding my throat. I thrashed, whether against her or myself, I didn't know. "When you do decide," She breathed, her whisper braided with triumph, "I'll be there. I always am."

-

   My eyes snapped open, and suddenly I was falling. My back hit the floorboards beside my cot, the ache already traveling through my sore muscles. The impact softened the shock of my dream, my ears ringing from how hard my head had knocked back. I pushed myself up with wavering arms, kicking at the sheet entangled between my legs. The burn pulled as I clumsily stood to my feet, my toe catching on the sheet dragging against the ground again. I kicked at it furiously, shuffling out of my room with a huff. Caf was brewing quicker than I could say the word 'Nexu', my fingers drumming along the wooden table top. I felt more and more depleted with every vision, every nightmare. It left scores along my skin, nausea in my gut, and the fear of someone always looking over my shoulder.

   Two cups of caf later and I was up and moving out of my hut. Anything to get away from the stifling air that my hut had accumulated. The gravel crunched beneath my feet, and the soft sounds of early morning chatter hit my ears. I had been tending to my wound with efficient care, only because Gasyl would've rung my neck otherwise. While the skin still pulled in all the wrong ways, I felt a little less dead than I had been. The light slid through the peak of the Archium, casting dull shadows over the Weeping Maya tree. A soft breeze rustled my loose strands of hair, removing the tickle at my cheeks. People sparsely travelled the courtyard, baskets and wheel carts of fruit, fish and straw scenting the air. I stopped numbly at the tree, squinting up at its arms.

   How long had it been since I spoke? I felt insane speaking to myself through my thoughts, just to drive the loneliness I had cultivated away. The breeze shifted, carrying with it the chatter of vendors setting out their stalls. A moon-yo darted past with wild eyes, chittering trailing in its wake. For a fleeting moment, I envied the animal— its ease, its roots planted firmly in soil that wasn't soaked in blood. Pabu moved at its own pace, unbothered by the Empire, unscarred by war. I watched it all from the shade of the Maya tree and felt like a ghost haunting someone else's life. Across the courtyard, I caught a glimpse of Crosshair beside an illuminated Omega, eyes narrowed at nothing in particular. He didn't see me, or if he did, he pretended not to.

   My chest pulled tight. I should have gone to Omega. I should have said something, apologized, maybe. The words snagged in my throat, and all I could manage to do was turn away before her eyes could catch mine. The hollowness pressed deeper, a weight settling behind my ribs that no amount of caf and self loathing could burn out. My hand lingered against the rough bark of the Maya tree, grounding me, though it did little good. Jax's name whispered in the leaves, his absence louder than the voices bustling around me— layered with that rasp from my dreams. I pulled my hand back and curled it into a fist. That was when my feet began to move on their own toward anything else. Toward someone who at least pretended to have answers, even if they weren't the ones I wanted.

   The apothecary smelled like it always did— warm, earthy, steeped in dried herbs and roots. Even with the front shutter propped open to let in the early morning breeze, the place felt tucked away from the rest of Pabu. Gasyl was stood behind the counter, bent over a jar of vined moss, fingers moving with quiet precision. She didn't look up until I crossed the threshold. "You're walking better," She prompted, her voice soft but steady. "Better's a stretch," I murmured. She hummed, tying the jar shut with a strip of cloth, setting it neatly on the shelf behind her. "Sit. Let me see your burn," She ordered. I hesitated, but she'd never been the type to make a suggestion optional. I settled onto the low stool near the counter, the wood groaning slightly under my weight. Gasyl wiped her hands on her skirt and crouched beside me, flicking her hand at me to lift the hem of my tunic.

   Her fingers were cool against my skin, practiced in the way they peeled back the bandage she'd wrapped days ago. "It's healing," She said after a moment. "I've been careful," I mumbled. "That's not the word I'd use," She breathed. She dabbed salve over the burn, the smell of mootroot and sea balm wrapping around us. I shifted in the seat uncomfortably, "The rain didn't help." "I noticed," She scolded lightly, her eyes flicking up to mine briefly. She began winding a fresh strip of cloth around my ribs, "You didn't go to the memorial." "No," I answered stiffly. "I know you and Jax were close," She added. My jaw tightened at his name, "We were." "It would have meant something, seeing you there," She tied the wrap off neatly, her movements efficient. "I didn't have anything to say," I grumbled. She stood and moved behind the counter again, and I tugged my tunic back down.

   "Sometimes it's not about speaking," She began, "Sometimes it's about just being there." I didn't answer. Not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't know how to. How could I explain that in the years I'd known Jax, I had come up with two lousy words for him? That his death wasn't necessary, that it could've been avoided. My eyes drifted across the shelves, landing on a familiar holopic mounted above a row of vials. There were two children, hers, Reis and Eliysa, mid-laugh, arms wrapped around one other. The faint blue shimmer caught in the morning light. She must've recently hung it there. Gasyl had shown me the image before, weeks ago. Told me their names. Told me about Jillium, what it had been before, what it had become. How they'd been taken. Something tugged deep in my chest, but I forced my gaze away. "You've been thinking about something," She spoke from behind the counter. I exhaled, "I think about a lot of things."

   She let out a quiet hum, "Most people here run from trouble. That's how they end up on Pabu. You don't strike me as someone who runs." "You think I go looking for it?" I asked, my brows furrowing. "I think trouble knows where to find you," She replied simply, brushing her palms together, "And.. you don't always say no when it does." I pressed my lips together, my teeth sinking into my inner lip, "You don't know me." Her mouth curved slightly, "No. But I'm not blind, either." The space between us settled back into quiet, filled only by the faint clink of glass as she returned to her earlier task. "You ever going to tell me how you came back so injured?" She asked eventually. I traced the edge of the stool with my thumb, "I was a soldier." That was the safe answer. Her hands paused just long enough for me to notice, "A soldier?" I nodded once. "Republic or Separatist?" She asked. I hesitated, "Does it matter?" She glanced over her shoulder, the cogs practically turning behind her eyes.

   "I suppose not," She said. My gaze dropped to my hands, a scoff huffing out from my chest. It didn't matter what side you were on. In the end, we all lost. She didn't pry further, and I didn't offer more. She moved to the doorway across the shoppe, pulling the open shutter wider to let in more light. A soldier. I never thought of myself as anything more than one. It was what I was, what I was trained to be even if the Jedi had said otherwise. A tool, a pawn, a weapon— something to be molded for another's gain or purpose. Once a soldier, always a soldier. "You should rest more," She remarked suddenly, still looking out at the street, "Healing takes time." I rose slowly, adjusting my tunic, "I've rested enough." Her sparkling green eyes found mine, "You sound like someone planning to leave."

   I didn't have an answer for that, because I didn't know how long it would be before we set off again. There was always another mission. My gaze flicked once more to the holopic on the wall. Their frozen laughter, the way their faces caught the light. My fingers brushed the counter as I passed, "Perhaps. I am a soldier, after all." My gaze fell on her frown as I approached, her shoulders sagging softly. Her hands slid up to my biceps, thumbs rubbing soft circles into my covered flesh, "The galaxy can wait for you to heal, Ashla." I stared at her for a moment, my brows softening at her words. She didn't understand. None of them did. Not the sacrifice that it took, nor the dwelling guilt in my gut. "You don't have to be a soldier," She whispered. A soft breath slid through my nose, "It's all I've ever known."

   The morning broke out into an all out heat wave, pressing into my pores like wax. I tossed my sack over my shoulder, adjusting the strap as I moved on to another cart. Most things people sold here were worthless in value, small trinkets, cheap handcrafted jewelry and cotton weaves that lacked the durability necessary for the climate. Shep was right about one thing: the Empire had absolutely no purpose to be here. My fingers mindlessly trailed over the thin fabric of a kite, the featherlight ribbons rustling in the hot breeze. Pointless, and yet so innocent in a different setting. "Ashla?" My hand dropped from the kite, the flap in the back of the tent rustling. Caldor wrung his hands out over a hand rag, an innocent smile pulled out over his lips. He tossed the rag over his shoulder, leaning against the back of the counter, "Didn't expect to see you here."

   I hummed, looking back to the kite, "You made this?" He didn't seem hardly affected by how I had disregarded his statement, simply leaning over the counter further, "I did. You interested?" My hand fell away from the kite, dangling at my side, "Do you craft other things?" "Like what?" He inquired. "Anything.. useful?" I murmured, mostly to myself. He shrugged, tapping the counter with his knuckles, "Depends on what you'd call useful. Knives? Nets? I've mended old tools for farmers. But I'll admit," His eyes flicked back to the kite, "There's a part of me that likes wasting time on things that only look pretty." I shifted my weight, already feeling the sweat begin to cling to my spine. Pretty never saved anyone. "You waste your time often?" I asked. "Not if someone like you actually buys one," He replied.

   I shook my head, adjusting the strap of my sack higher up my shoulder, "I don't need trinkets. Not now." "You never let yourself?" He asked softly. My brows pulled together, though I kept my eyes on the ribbons still swaying in the breeze, "Let myself.. what?" "Enjoy things that don't matter," He replied. I pressed my lips together, my brows pinching. He frowned, "Something small?Something just for you?" Something for me? I pondered for a moment, looking back to the cheap fabric still rustling in the breeze. Having been a Jedi for the entirety of my life, I never owned anything. It was pointless, attachment. Sentiment? I hardly knew the definition. I had a bed and the clothes on my back, even now. There had been a few things I found interest in as a padawan.. The hair on my arms stood up, the memory drifting away before I let it root in place.

   I huffed under my breath, shifting the strap on my shoulder again, "I don't need more weight to carry around." He tilted his head, studying me like he could unravel something hidden, "So that's it? Travel light, never put down roots?" "Roots get burned," I grumbled. Especially ones that had been alive for thousands of years. His expression flickered, and I regretted letting that slip. I cleared my throat, smoothing it over, "It's just easier not to keep things. Less to lose, less to replace." "Sounds lonely," He replied. "It's practical," I murmured, forcing a small shrug. He leaned further over the counter, resting his elbows on the worn wood, "You make it sound like practicality is all there is. Maybe you just don't know what you'd keep, if you had the chance." He was probably right.

   I glanced at him, my lips pressing thin, "What would you keep, then? Out of all this?" I gestured vaguely at the cheap trinkets, the sun-bleached fabrics, the useless kites. His grin returned, crooked and warm, "I'd keep the kite. Doesn't do much, but it's light, catches the wind. Makes people look up instead of down." I nearly rolled my eyes, "How sentimental." "Maybe," He shrugged, unapologetic, "But it doesn't hurt anyone." I didn't answer right away, simply because his joy in senseless objects burned my chest the wrong way. The market's heat pressed in thick, the ribbons snapping faintly in the air above us. People are what I kept close, despite being taught not to. I couldn't be warned against finding solace in other people, much to my masters dismay. My pulse echoed behind my eyes. He was dead, now.

   His eyes stayed on me longer than I wanted, searching, as if the right look might pry something loose. "Doesn't help anyone, either," I replied. That earned me a small chuckle, though it was nervous at the edges, "Not everything has to." He leaned back, scratching the side of his neck, "I get the feeling you wouldn't believe that even if I proved it." My lips tugged sideways, "You'd be right." He shifted, tapping the counter again, "You know, I don't really know much about you. Only what people say." I gave him an unamused look, "That's enough." "Is it?" His question was quiet, a little too earnest, "Because I'd like to." My hand stilled on the strap at my shoulder, the air catching sharp in my chest. He had no idea what he was asking, and it wasn't his fault. Some things were left better unsaid.

   "You shouldn't," I mumbled. I let the words come out flat, "Trust me on that." Something flickered in his expression. Disappointment, maybe, or simply not knowing where else to go. He covered it quickly with another half-smile, but the nervous edge stayed. I adjusted my sack again, turning away before the silence deepened into something heavy. If only he knew. If only they all knew.

   Not even the beach was clear, which was only natural on the hottest day known to the galaxy. I wasn't even sure Tatooine could compete. I was definitely being dramatic. The sands surface was hotter than the plaza above, which didn't keep Omega and Lyana from indulging in the unusually calm waters. I exhaled heavily, biting back the bile threatening to crawl up my throat. I hated that I felt so disorganized in trying to apologize to a child. It was just Omega. Except it wasn't. It was no secret that she had wormed her way into every one of the squads hearts, Crosshair especially. She was easy going, carefree, and fiercely loyal in an irritating way. I kicked at the sand, pressing forward. She didn't notice me until I was right at the waters edge, the surf touching my boots before drifting back out.

   She pushed thick locks of blonde from her forehead, glancing off to Lyana before traveling back in to where I stood. She heaved quietly when she stopped before me, but her aura screamed caution. I nearly turned at that feeling, shame coiling in my gut. All I had done was make a child feel unwanted in my company, one who had never done anything but support unconditionally. I choked on my words, my heart hammering in my throat. "Is everything alright?" She asked. My gaze darted back to her now concerned stance. I shook my head quietly, "I.. just—" Words failed me, and her disappointment grew in my silence. Just apologize. It seemed like such a mundane task— just form the words and be done with it. Omega deserved more than just words. She deserved for me to mean it.

   "It wasn't your fault," She said. I stared at her, my jaw trembling. Say something. Her brows pinched softly, and she stepped out of the water fully. "It wasn't your fault," She repeated. She didn't mean that. She was making excuses for my behavior, my actions. But that wasn't what she was talking about. The memorial, my isolation, the inexcusable rage I let reign on each of the squad members. Jax was dead. It was my fault. I shook my head, "Omega—" "I see it. We all see it. You don't have to carry it alone," She cut off. My jaw clamped shut. She sighed, "Even Crosshair sees it." I couldn't stop the frown already forming on my face. She rolled her eyes, "He cares." Crosshair? Caring about something other than himself? The thought was funny. I shook my head, "You don't need to excuse me, or him, for that matter." Her head tilted, confused. I sighed, "I yelled at you. And.."

   She shook her head, her small hand wrapping over my forearm. She tugged, and suddenly I was following her through the sands. My brows pinched, "Omega?" "No. You two are fixing this. Today," She grumbled. You two? Fixing what? She dragged me up through the entirety of Pabu until we hit the shade beneath the steps that climbed toward the plaza. The stone still seared heat through my boots. Omega planted herself there, hands on her hips, "I'm not excusing you," She said, her eyes fierce, "I'm telling you what's true." I frowned, "What's true is I—" "You yelled at me," She cut in. I ducked my chin down, unable to meet her eyes anymore. She sighed, "And you've been.. gone. Even when you're standing right in front of us." I looked up at her, her gaze clinging to my boots. "I don't want you to be gone," She murmured.

   The words lodged under my sternum, right where the hollowness had been nesting. She tipped her chin toward the Marauder, "He cleaned his rifle twice yesterday. He only does that when he's anxious.. Tech told me that once." A seam of grief ran through the name, but she didn't flinch. Her mouth flattened, "He cares." I sighed, "It's not his job to—" "It's not a job," She said softly, "That's the point." Footsteps scuffed above us. I didn't have to look to know the cadence. Omega did, brightening a fraction, and called without turning, "Down here." Crosshair's shadow slid across the Marauder's plank, long and nimble. He descended until the light broke off his face at his cheekbones, eyes sharp, cutting through me in the half shade. He looked at Omega, then to me. His mouth did that bored line that meant his pulse had already climbed.

   "No," He said. I folded my arms over my chest, rolling my eyes. "Yes," Omega shot back. "Five minutes," She pleaded. His jaw worked slowly. He glanced at me like I was the one that dragged him here, then past me like there was something better to look at, "Make it two." I started, "I don't need—" "You do," Omega said. Then she looked between us, "Both of you." Crosshair angled his head, eyes travel-scouting for an exit, "If this is about feelings—" "It's about being a decent human," Omega snapped, "Apologize." His eyes cut to her, "For what?" "For baiting me," I said, before I could pretend not to have a mouth, "You wanted me to swing." "Wanted?" His lip twitched, "You were already halfway there." My lips curled into a sneer, "You pushed." "You pulled," He drawled. Omega groaned, "Stop. Try again. Real words." I drew a long breath, "I shouldn't have hit you." He didn't blink, "No."

   Omega's glare sharpened, "Crosshair." He gave a slow exhale, then looked past me to the sun-struck water like the sentence might be floating out there instead, "I shouldn't have let you." A beat, "Or made you want to." "That's not an apology," Omega groaned. He shrugged, "It's the truth." Omegas sharpened glare almost made me flinch even when it wasn't direct towards me, "It can be both." His jaw flexed, "Fine. I'm—" He stopped, glare cutting through me. I tilted my head softly, daring him to spit out the last word. His eyes narrowed, "—sorry." I kept my eyes locked on him, otherwise I would've rolled them into the back of my skull. "And you," Omega rounded on me. I flinched. "You don't disappear when it's hard," She pointed. "I wasn't.. disappearing," I muttered. "Then what do you call not showing up?" Crosshair jabbed. That pang of truth struck true. I stared at the stone until it blurred, "Mercy."

   Crosshair studied me, "You think not standing there was mercy?" I bristled, "I think—" What did I think? Crosshair looked at me, expecting some sharp witted response that Omega would surely hate. And there was. Plenty of names I could've shot back at him, plenty of times he hadn't showed up. I could throw it all back in his face. My gaze flicked to Omega, then back to him. "You have no idea what I think," I grumbled. "Mm," His gaze shifted over me, subtly settling on my side. I stepped back minimally, guarding myself from his prying gaze. Omega drew a steadying breath, "Here's what's going to happen. You don't have to like each other right now. But you will stop making it worse." She looked at me, "You'll come for dinner tonight." Then at him, "You'll come too. No comments."

   "Doable," He said. "Why?" I asked, at the same time. I glared at him. He glared back. He tilted his head, something unreadable passing under his eyes. "Two minutes is up," He mumbled, reminding Omega of his bargain. His eyes darted back down to my guarded side before he slid past me, a soft huff coming through his teeth. I looked to Omega, "Happy now?" She just sighed.

   Dinner was as expected. Quiet on my end, loud and messy on Wrecker's. Shep had prepared some sort of stew, chunks of fish floating around the clear broth. I stirred them around, doing anything to avoid the glare coming from across the table. Wrecker's laugh boomed across the table once more, broth sloshing from his bowl. Omega chattered beside him, hands carving through the air as she and Lyana yammered on about what they did at the beach to Hunter. It should have been comforting. It wasn't. I pushed food around my bowl until even Shep gave up watching me not eat. My chair scraped as I stood, "I'm tired." "Already?" Omega's voice was small, almost disappointed. I softened my tone for her, "Long day." She frowned, but nodded anyway, forcing a small smile on her face. The night air was cooler away from the chatter, lanterns glowing in quiet constellations around the village.

   I let the hum of conversation fade behind me, heading in the only direction that screamed my name: my bed. It wasn't long before I heard the tell tale sound of boots falling into rhythm with mine. I didn't need to turn, nor did I stop, "Following me?" "Not subtle enough?" He asked, bone-dry, but closer than I expected. I picked up my pace, grasping at the front of my tunic, "Go back to dinner." He scoffed, "Rather not." The brush of his shadow caught mine under the lantern light, stretching long across the dirt path. I ignored him, or at least tried to. It didn't help that it felt like his breath was at my neck with each step I took. "It wasn't a blaster bolt," He drawled. My chest tightened, but I kept walking. "You were guarding it earlier," He went on, calm, unnervingly steady, "And when you sat, you favored it. That's not from a blaster bolt."

   I stopped, my breath now short in getting to my lungs. He talked far too much for anything I was currently patient for. He stepped around me, pretending to look out past the lower level, "What did it?" "Not relevant," I replied through my teeth. He turned, his eyes slowly roving down to the burn site, "Relevant when it nearly gutted you." My throat went dry, "Stop looking at me like that." He studied me like he was lining his sights up with my forehead, "Who?" The memory struck hard— the ugly sound of a cursed crystal igniting in the forest, the sweat that peeled down my face when I tried and nearly failed to hold him off. Not Jedi. Sith? He was trained, professional at that. I swallowed hard, "Not a Jedi." Crosshair's jaw ticked, "Obviously." I turned from him, lacing my fingers together, wringing them, "A dark sider.. I think." "No. That's not enough," He growled, his hand latching onto my bicep.

   He tugged on me, forcing me to step back into his view. My hand latched over his wrist, trying to pry off his steadily growing grip, "Let go—" "I'm not playing this game with you," He warned, his eyes cutting through me. My pulse quickened, "I— I don't know. He said his master wanted me alive. And then we fought. That was all." His fingers dug harder, my name a low growl under his breath. A breath hissed through my teeth, my skin burning as his patience obviously wore thin, "Crosshair—" His breath hit my eyes, and before I knew it, the words were tumbling from my lips. "Vader. He said a 'Lord Vader' wanted me alive," I bit out. His grip released, and I stepped back, palming the site as the warmth returned to my flesh. He leaned back a fraction, eyes narrowing like he'd just confirmed something he'd rather not believe.

   I didn't care, my eyes narrowed on him immediately. "You asshole!" I snapped, pushing him back with a hard hit to his chest. He didn't move, he didn't even look bothered at my poor excuse of a shove. His silence was worse than anger, which dialed my attention in on him again. "You should've told me," He growled quietly. I scoffed, "Told you what, exactly?" His lips twitched, the shadows concealing the usual glint in his eyes. I shook my head, a weak laugh sliding through my teeth, "So you could hold something else over my head? Tell me I'm reckless? I've already heard that plenty—" "So I'd know who's hunting you," He snapped. My mouth dropped open, then shut. Hunting. I hadn't even given the notion a thought. Who was Vader? The name alone sent a shiver through my spine, the Force receding at it.

   His eyes didn't move, but his chest tugged in sharper breaths. His frustration had all but quieted, replaced by.. anger? Confusion? I never could read him properly, but he was silent. Too silent. The tendons in his jaw flexed, his eyes no longer filled with the unpleasant sight of worry. Crosshair didn't worry. He finally looked away, his mouth forming into that unreadable line, "Next time, you tell me first." My brows furrowed, watching him steer past me as if he hadn't just coerced me into answering pointless questions, "Since when do I answer to you?" His eyes cut back, "Since someone decided you're worth the trouble."

   The sky had melted into darkness by the time I made it back to my hut. The air inside was thick, bitter with the heavy scent of herbs Gasyl had given me. The little vial sat where I'd abandoned it hours ago, glass catching the faint glow through the shutters. Sleep in a bottle, thick and dark. I didn't touch it. I couldn't. Gasyl meant well, but sleep wasn't safe, not with what waited there. Shards, water and bone. Her voice. His silence. Every time I closed my eyes, I felt myself sinking, and I didn't know how much longer it would be until I never woke up again. So I sat on the edge of my cot, elbows dug into my knees, staring daggers into the wall. My breaths sounded too loud, the silence in between ringing in my ears. Trouble. That was all I'd ever been. To the Order. To the squad. To Omega. Even Jax. He'd tried to anchor me here, and now, he was buried beneath the rubble of Teth. 

   While I was still here.

   I dragged a hand over my face, my abdomen tensing with another exhale. I didn't belong in the warmth of that table, in Shep's stew or Wrecker's laugh or Omega's small, fierce hope. Not when someone wanted me alive and caught. Or dead. Crosshair had made it sound like I was at fault for being attacked. That I should've known I was being actively hunted by something dark. That wasn't what bothered me the deepest. What bothered me was that he'd been right. About the wound. About the fight. About the fact that someone had sent a hunter for me, and not for any of them. My hands curled into fists. The more I sat, the louder the thought became. If I stayed, it would happen again. Not if. When. And next time, they wouldn't walk away. The cot creaked as I stood. My legs carried me before my head caught up, pacing the little room, over and over, until I knew I wouldn't stop unless I did something.

   It was a thought until it wasn't. I ignored the burn sinking through my ribs while I grabbed anything that looked relatively useful. A canteen, extra bacta, my blaster and holster. Even the lightsabers I swore to never look at again. They were jagged at their ends, molded incorrectly, damaged due to my blade slicing through them. They remained useful. A weapon. Protection. Nothing more. They clinked around the half empty sack when I tossed it down, ripping my tunic free of my shoulders. I traded it out for the only other tunic I owned that didn't make me look slow and homeless. The seams wrapped flush under my armpits, the fabric settling calmly at my waistline. I shoved my pants down as well, tugging up the only pair of dark cargos I owned.

   I practically jumped into my boots, snagged my shawl, and didn't even double check that the door to my hut was shut. The village was eerily quiet, the waves seemed to disperse as well as the occasional hoot of a Moon-yo. I stuck to the gravel paths no one ever took, winding up through the sleeping town. The Marauder sat perched before the Archium, dim and hissing from the days heat. My heart was caught up in the base of my throat, and every step closer I took towards the shuttle only made the nausea worse. The ramp control was cold against my fingers when I keyed it open, the hydraulics sighing as the ramp descended. The hull held the faint stench of blaster grease, along with the ghosts of missions long since gone. Every step up the ramp felt like a crime.

   Inside was dark except for the faint glow of dormant consoles. Only the faint flicker of the motion sensor indicating the now open plank when I entered. I dropped my bag by the pilot's chair and slid into the seat. My fingers danced over the switches, the systems waking in a low hum under my feet. No alarms. No broadcast. Just the quiet of a ship starting to breathe again. The ramp sealed with a hiss. The metal faintly squealed upon the airlock condensing, a quirk the ship gained over time and countless battles. My pulse still clawed up my throat. I told myself it was the ship settling. Told myself I was alone. I primed the fuel cell, then begrudgingly let the thrusters charge. The ship breathed to life, the nav flickering into a blue glow that filled the cabin.

   I was quick to pull up, the sound surely waking Hunter the moment the thrusters even began to prime. It didn't matter, I was steady climbing away from the safety of Pabu, the lanterns faint specks in the distance. My hands trembled. They weren't safe as long as I remained with them. Whoever this 'Vader' was.. it unsettled me every time I thought of the name. I'd go. Just for a while. Just until I knew the threat had been dealt with on Teth.  "Really subtle," A voice said from the dark. I spun, heart slamming my ribs, hand already reaching out towards my hilt. As the hilt snapped into my hand, the red blade hissed to life, spilling heat into the narrow space, its glow carving a seam of light across his throat. Crosshair stood at the tip of my blade, his eyes reflecting crimson fire. He didn't flinch, "Put it away." My grip tightened, "You shouldn't be here." He stepped closer, slow and deliberate, the red trailing along his jawline without touching, "Says the thief."

   His gaze flicked once to the blade and back, "Cute. Where'd you find that?" Heat crawled up my spine, the hum of the saber vibrated through my hand. "Get off my ship," I whispered. "Our ship," He corrected, eyes steady on mine, "After you land it." I hated that my hand trembled. Hated that he could see it. Hated that, of all the people to stow away, it was him.

-

-20 BBY-

   Location: Erigent IV, canyon approach.

   The shuttle punched out of the cloud deck into smoke and wind, hundreds of other Republic transports breaking off towards different sectors. My hand found the over head bar, my eyes locked on the unopened ramp. "Drop in ten," He called out. Wrecker grinned, which usually would have unsettled me, "Finally." "Remember," I snapped, "Minimal casualties. I want the tactical droid functional." Crosshair rolled the toothpick in his teeth, unimpressed, "Then try not to put a hole in it, General." My jaw twitched, "You're on overwatch only." "Thought I was here to look pretty," He drawled, shoving his helmet on upon spitting out the little piece of wood. "Negative," Tech supplied over the comm, "Statistically, you are markedly less—" "Tech," I warned. The ramp light flipped to green, the wind slamming through us.

   I dove once we neared the ground, the Force cradling my feet. I slid, covering my eyes as dust kicked up from the thrusters, the squad dropping out one by one. The canyon swallowed the gunship's noise, touch and go, ascending back towards the atmosphere. Dust bit the back of my throat, the air sharp smoke. Hunter signaled right. We bled into a shadowed cut where the cliff narrowed, smoke curling across the lip. Wrecker and Jax took point just like we'd drawn it; Wrecker's bulk somehow gentle in the way he moved around fallen stone, Jax's blaster held low, his body a wall at my side without asking. "Seismic reading," Tech murmured, "Shield generators pulsing on a thirty-second cycle. We need to cross between waves or risk alerting the perimeter." "Copy," I replied, "We wait. Hunter, eyes." He leaned out, scanned, leaned back, "Two B1 patrols, staggered. One BX on the pipe. Sniper nest, three hundred up-canyon."

   Crosshair was already moving, scaling a rib of rock like it had been set there for him, "High ground," He announced, because of course he did. "Hold," I bit out. He didn't. He gained the ledge, slid along until he was no longer in my line of sight. I felt the irritation spike. Hot, stupid, and useless because it was efficient and still wrong. Jax must've felt my irritation, since he bumped my shoulder with his own, barely there. Breathe. "On my mark," I murmured into the comm, forcing calm through my teeth, "We cross after the pulse. Tech, you're on the panel. Wrecker—" "Throw the big thing at the other big thing?" He offered. I sighed. "Throw the net at the big thing," I corrected, "We need the droid talking." He seemed less satisfied at that answer, grumbling into the comm. A shield hum rose under our boots, the vibration traveling through my spine until I felt it in my nose.

   "Mark," I ordered. We moved, the ravine throat opening into a service trench bolted into the refinery's flank. Steam coughed from ruptured pipes, casting a haze throughout. B1 heads tipped in confusion just in time for Hunter to ghost past them, vibroblade whispering at the joints. Wrecker's net launcher thumped, and the BX met it mid-leap and went down thrashing in a crackle of blue. "Panel," I snapped. Tech slid in under a rusted access plate, tools already flipping around, "You will have fifteen seconds inside the wave gap before the next shield surge—oh. That's not comforting." My gaze snapped back to him, "What isn't?" "Tachyon relay. Someone's already piggybacked the signal chain," He mumbled, his fingers moving faster if possible. I started towards him, "Meaning?"

   "Meaning," Crosshair murmured through the comm, "Company." His first shot cracked the air a moment later, my hilts already snapping into my palms. Rocks crumpled down the slope of the ravine, a skeletal silhouette folding in on itself when it hit the ground. I didn't have the chance to ignite my blades at the sensation of approaching danger behind me before another shot rang out. Another folded at my heels. "General," He added, "You're welcome." I tried not to look startled at the obvious carelessness I'd displayed. "Still on overwatch," I snapped. A hum came from his end, his growing ego filling the space between us. The shield hum built again,  "Tech," I warned. "Now," Tech said, not looking up, "Windows open. Go, go, go." We poured through the maintenance hatch into hot dark and red hazard lights. Pipes arced over us like fingers, and the floor vibrated with the churn of power.

   Alarms didn't sound because the shield wave kept them strangled every thirty seconds. Silent. Then loud. Then silent again. "Tactical command's centerline," Tech said, pinching his fingers wide on the holopuck in his hand, "Three junctions. We'll hit a live line of B2s." "Jax, with me," I said, "Wrecker, left flank. Tech, slice as we move. Crosshair—" "Still pretty," he answered, which meant in position. I rolled my eyes, taking off down the hatch. We hit the first junction in a rush, B2s thundering out of a side corridor. Wrecker barreled into them like a landslide, Jax at his shoulder. I took the right, sweeping my blades low at the joint to disable. "Second junction," Hunter called. Tech's voice came through again, "Shield surge in ten. If we're caught in the corridor when it hits, the automatic lockdown will—"

   "—Cut us in half," Crosshair finished cheerfully, "Move your damn feet." We moved. Tech slid through the door first, palmed the control. The next hum climbed the walls. The Force shuddered as the shield slid up sharp behind my heels, heat kissing my back where it should've been steel. "Don't do that again," Jax said, too evenly to be anything but rattled. "Noted," I breathed. The command core opened in a spill of light, consoles ringed in white, a raised dais in the center where the tactical droid paced in tight loops. Two BXs hung in the shadows near the ceiling, and the stupid ugly thought hit that Crosshair would be insufferable when he called them first. "Nonlethal," I reminded, more to myself than anyone, "We take it alive." "Alive is a strong word for a toaster," Crosshair muttered, rifle already canting, "Two hostiles high." I gritted my teeth, "I said on my—"

   The left BX dropped, Crosshair's bolt taking it through the ocular at the exact blink his precision promised. The right one launched at me, daggers hissing through the haze. I dove sideways, just shy of losing my ear, my lightsaber catching the joint of its knee. Jax was there the moment I recovered, a well place bolt shuddering through the back of its head before it fell. It still twitched. He kicked the actuator until it didn't. "Crosshair," I snapped, my breath ragged, "Stand down until I give the—" "General," He cut in, "You're welcome." Something hot and stupid rose in me. I swallowed it like acid, my attention on the now aware tactical droid, "Wrecker, net!" He fired, the charged mesh collapsing over top the tactical droid, pinning limbs, sparking at joints. It thrashed once before Tech slid under, spanner in hand.

   "Connection established," He said, his eyes rounding behind his goggles, "And you'll want to see this." "Later. We move," I ordered. He didn't look up, "No, now," He insisted, his voice thinning, "This droid is slaved to an external command lattice. Whoever designed it is using the battle as a training exercise. And the signature on the—" A soft click ticked in my ear. "Heads up," Crosshair growled. I spun towards him, his name on the tip of my tongue. The far bulkhead flowered open under a shaped charge. Smoke rolled in before the silhouettes— sleeker, faster than droids— helmets slit with red. Jax swore quietly beside me. I brought my lightsabers up, shifting my stance. "What are they?" I whispered, because my gut already knew I didn't want the answer. "Not droids," Crosshair said, calm and vicious from above, "And they're not here for the toaster."

    His scope shifted, I could feel it in my teeth. "Orders, General?" He asked, and I hated how much he enjoyed asking it that way. I looked at the netted droid, at Tech's now still hands, at the red visors closing in like smoke. I had half a second to be Mace's perfect student and the rest of my life to be wrong. "Hold the droid. Jax call for reinforcements," I ordered, "Everyone else fire on my mark." The shield hum rolled up through the floor like a storm about to break, and the Force quieted like it too was holding its breath.

"Mark."