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They had both been quiet from the moment Xie Lian had asked to go for a walk. Yizhen seemed to understand that Xie Lian had something serious he wanted to discuss. The boy was surprisingly patient. He was obedient as well, sitting down at the edge of a field of wildflowers when Xie Lian instructed him to. They watched the flower sway with the breeze as they sat in the shade of a large tree. The leaves danced in the shadow cast by the sun. “I want to tell you a story Yizhen. I need you to listen to it the whole way through without speaking. Can you do that?” The boy nodded while expressing curiosity. It was such an innocent thing. Yizhen did not find a reason to deny Xie Lian, simply trusting there was a reason.
A part of Xie Lian twinged with idle guilt. Yizhen likely did not think much about the passive mention of needing to speak about some things. Xie Lian did, remembering Mu Qing and Feng Xin telling him he could not hide this forever. That he had to tell Yizhen. Despite that, he had not brought it up again and hadn’t mentioned it the previous two times they had met. It was Xie Lian’s fault for putting it off so long knowing Yizhen would wait. By now Yizhen probably didn’t realize this story was that talk. “Alright. Good.” Xie lian took several grounding breaths as he pushed back painful and overwhelming feelings. He did his best to tuck away all the things that made it feel personal. Then he began his story.
“Long ago there was an ancient kingdom in the central plains called the Kingdom of Xinale. This kingdom was a vast and bountiful land. There were four treasures within this kingdom: abundant and handsome beauties, vibrant music and marvelous literature, gold and gems, and their infamous Crown Prince.” It felt odd to call himself a treasure, but a story told by others was easier to repeat than the personal version Xie Lian had lived. He didn’t know if he could tell this to Yizhen if it was that personal.
“The Crown Prince was best described as an unique man. He was beloved by the king and queen and they doted on the Crown Prince. However the Crown Prince was not interested in imperial power or wealth of the mortal world. The young Crown Prince focused solely on his cultivation. In his own words, ‘I want to save the common people!’.” Those words from when Xie Lian was so young and naive brought up deep embarrassment. Especially knowing what came of it and how he had failed.
“The Crown Prince did indeed become a powerful cultivator at a young age. He first grabbed the attention of the Heavens at only seventeen. That very same year the Crown Prince defeated a powerful ghost in a fight of chaos. The Crown Prince was skilled in martial arts, but the ghost was terrifying and dauntless. They say the man and ghost fought so hard the sun and moon began to topple.” He could tell Yizhen was intrigued by the fight and wanted to ask what this ghost was like, but he dutifully listened to Xie Lian’s request and refrained from saying a word.
“In the end, the ghost was defeated by the Crown Prince. When the ghost vanished the Crown Prince planted a flowering tree at the head of the bridge the ghost had lingered on for so many years. As he did so, a cultivator passed by and happened to see the Crown Prince sprinkle a handful of dirt to consecrate the grave and send the ghost off. The cultivator was moved by the Crown Prince’s words and suddenly transformed into a divine warrior clad in white armor with auspicious clouds under his feet. Only then did the Crown Prince realize he had encountered the Heavenly Emperor who had personally descended to the mortal realm to subdue evil.”
A moment he remembered feeling shock that was followed by deep pride. The memory was partially clouded by time, but that moment Xie Lian was just a young man so sure he could do anything. A moment that had once shined in otherworldly light felt so distant now and was shrouded by the tragedies that would always haunt Xie Lian. “Deities had already taken notice of the Crown Prince and asked the Heavenly Emperor what he thought of the Crown Prince. The Heavenly Emperor answered, ‘This child's future is imminent.’ That night a celestial phenomenon manifested in the skies above the palace and storms raged. Amidst the flashes of lighting and the roars of thunder the crown Prince acceded.”
Xie Lian glanced at Yizhen now, who was listening intently. Whether out of interest or because Xie Lian marked it as important he did not know. For as well as he knew Yizhen it remained hard to tell in moments like this just what the boy was thinking. “As you know, the Heavenly Realm shakes when a mortal ascends. When the Crown Prince ascended the entire Heavenly Realm quaked outright with three times the normal tremors. The Crown Prince was no doubt the darling of the heavens. Whatever he wanted, he received, whatever he wanted to do, he succeeded. He wanted to ascend and become a god, so at the age of seventeen he did just that.”
“The Crown Prince became known as the Flower Crowned Martial God and the Prince Who Pleased The Heavens. A great number of temples and shrines were built across the land and for statues of the Crown Prince to be erected and worshipped. The more believers amassed the more temples were constructed. It meant the Crown Prince's life would be more prolonged and his spiritual powers would grow even greater.” Xie Lian felt no pride in this now. It had seemed like everything when he was young, but not of it had really mattered. None of it had lasted.
“In a few short years the Xianle Palace of the Crown Prince became incomparably glorious, and for a time, its prosperity and splendor reached its peak.” Xie Lian let out a deep breath and let his shoulder slump. “Until three years later when the Kingdom of Xinale fell into chaos. The cause of chaos started with tyranny, with rebels rising in revolt. However, while the flames of war set ablaze across the mortal world, the deities of the Heavenly Realm could not easily intervene.” Xie Lian did not need to explain how that worked to Yizhen. The boy may be a unique god that did not think the same as other deities, but he understood the parameters most followed, even if Yizhen often pushed them.
Yizhen did not fear falling to disgrace or losing power if he felt it was for the right reason. He always fought for what he felt was the right thing and found ignoring such things shameful. Yizhen had never been quiet about that either. The boy had never changed and never intended to. That had always scared Xie Lian. “The Crown Prince needed to keep his distance, but he did not care for their reasoning. He told the Heavenly Emperor, ‘I will save the common people!’ The Heavenly Emperor told the Crown Prince ‘You cannot save everyone.’ ‘I can!’ The Crown Prince declared. Thus he descended to the mortal realm without looking back.”
Such brave words to say to the Heavenly Emperor. So very naive. The Heavenly Emperor knew it and perhaps foresaw what was to come. Xie Lian had not listened. “Xianle had rejoiced, but there had always been one truth the people have spoken of the human world: there would never be a good outcome when gods descended to the Mortal Relam without permission. So, not only were the flames of war not extinguished, but they blazed even wilder.” Xie Lian swallowed down the apprehension and closed his eyes for a moment to calm himself.
He did not open them when he spoke even if images of that time and the horrors that occurred flashed through his mind. “The Crown Prince tried, but it would have been better had he never intervened at all. The harder he worked the more of a mess things became. The people of Xianle were battered and crushed, the wounded and casualties innumerable. In the end, a devastating plague swept through the entire Imperial Capital and the rebel army broke through the palace and ended the war. Xianle had been hanging on by a thread and then the Crown Prince came and cut it directly.”
Xie Lian finally opened his eyes and stared out to the field of wildflowers in front of him. He said nothing for some time as he worked past the lump in his throat. Yizhen remained quiet at his side waiting. “After the Kingdom of Xianle fell the people finally came to realize one thing: the Crown Prince they had worshipped as a god was never as perfect or powerful as they imagined. Without anywhere to vent their anguish and pain the battered people furiously poured into the Palaces of the Crown Prince, toppled his divine statues and burned down the divine temples. Thousands of temples burned for seven days and seven nights until there was nothing left. From that moment on, the marital god who protected peace and safety vanished, and a God of Misfortune who brought disasters was born.”
Xie Lian felt Yizhen staring at him, catching the shock on his face out of the corner of his eye. “As you know, when the people call you a god, you are a god. When they call you crap, you are crap. You are what they say you are.” Even Yizhen understood the fragility of the position. The extent these people had gone to was an extreme. It would be the most shameful thing for any deity. Worse than losing one's followers and falling out of relevancy. Such hate was the ultimate failure of a god. Xie Lian tucked those thoughts away and took another deep breath.
“The Crown Prince could not accept this reality and had a harder time accepting the punishment he received for his transgressions: Banishment.” This was a sensitive topic with Yizhen considering his own history with his banished Shixiong. “The Crown Prince's spiritual powers were sealed and he was knocked back down to the Mortal Realm. Having grown up coddled and pampered he had never tasted the suffering of the mortal world before. The punishment hurdled him from the clouds to the mud. In that mud , for the first time, he understood the taste of hunger, poverty, and filth.”
A lesson Xie Lian carried with him for hundreds of years. In some ways he never stopped learning this. “This was also the first time he did things he never thought he would have done willingly. He stole, he robbed, he cursed loudly. Most prominently, he gave up on himself. He lost all dignity, no self-esteem remained, and he was unkempt as one could be. Even his most loyal servant could not accept this change in him and chose to leave.” Xie Lian winced saying it. It felt wrong to imply and summarize something so complex in that way. He would have to clarify it and assure Yizhen understood that Mu Qing and Feng Xin were not so vain nor was it simple.
”He ascended to the Heavens quickly, but his fall from grace was even faster. All he had done to get the heavens' attention seemed like it was just yesterday, and the Heavenly Realm merely sighed for a while before letting go of what was of the past.” Xie Lian twisted his hands together as he continued. The flowers in front of him were a scornful reminder of the scoured fields of war that he had once stood on. “That is until many years later. A huge rumble thundered from the sky. His Royal Highness ascended for the second time.”
Xie Lian worried what Yizhen might take from the concept that was personal beyond his connection to Xie Lian. He feared giving Yizhen hope that his Shixiong would do the same. At least His second ascension was not a promising example. “Throughout history, officials banished never regained their glory or fell to the host realm. It was rare to turn over a new leaf after banishment. The second accession was truly grand and spectacular.” Xie Lian sighed once more feeling slightly embarrassed of what he had done.
“What was most spectacular was that after he ascended he charged all the way into the Heavenly Realm and rampaged in full fury. He had only ascended for the span of one incense time before he was knocked back down again.” Yizhen’s little gasp didn’t surprise him, as it was quite the anomaly of a situation. “Having been banished twice, the Heavenly Realm looked upon the Crown Prince with full contempt. And with that contempt came caution. The Crown Prince was already threatening and on edge after the first banishment; now he was banished a second time they worried he might go berserk and take his revenge on the world.”
Xie Lian smiled to himself now. “But he did not go berserk. He adjusted earnestly to banished life. There were no issues at all. The only problem with that was maybe he was taking it too seriously. The deities were shocked to their cores.” He finally looked at Yizhen directly. “Sometimes he would busk at the end of streets, playing instruments or singing songs, even shattering boulders as part of his act. While the Crown Prince had long been known to sing and dance and have mastered many talents, it was unbelievable to witness his talents in such a fashion. It inspired complicated feelings to anyone who saw. Sometimes he would even diligently and humbly gather scraps.” Xie Lian smiled faintly when Yizhen’s eyes widened before facing back towards the field.
“It was unthinkable that things would reach this point. To think that he was once the noble and gracious Crown Prince, a Heavenly Official who was part of the divine ranks. In truth, no one had ever messed up so badly. So this was the story of the man who was known as the laughingstock of the three realms. After laughing, those more sentimental might sigh. The darling of the heavens, who once stood at such a height, had truly and thoroughly vanished. Not a single believer remained and he was gradually forgotten by the world. No one knew where he had drifted afterwards.”
Xie Lian let the silence linger as his story came to an end. He eventually realized Yizhen was waiting for confirmation. “That is the story.” “Is it true?” He had been expecting questions from Yizhen that would be odd to most but believed the first would have been confirming the Crown Prince was Xie Lian. Instead he brushed past it. “It is true for the most part. It is a very long story that so very few remember.” “But it is your story Master-ge.” Hearing the confirmation Yizhen had already decided it was Xie Lian they were speaking about made a laugh startle out of him.
“I should have known Yizhen would figure it out quickly.” The boy considered this for a minute. “I wasn’t sure why you told me at first, but it was important. Master-ge looked troubled and sad, so it wasn’t just a story.” Xie Lian felt he needed to stop thinking this boy needed him to spell everything out. Yizhen wasn’t an ignorant child anymore. “Besides, Master-ge promised he would tell me about things that have happened that I didn't understand.” It had been said casually then as a means to get Yizhen to allow Mu Qing and Feng Xin to speak with Xie Lian in private. It reminded him that Yizhen took most of what he said to heart.
“I am sorry for never telling you this Yizhen. It should have been said long before now.” The boy scooted closer to him, grabbing his arm. The childish gesture was oddly comforting. “I trust Master-ge. You told me like you said.” Yizhen still had too much faith in him. Even after hearing such a story. Xie Lian supposed personal experience triumphed over a story in Yizhen’s mind. “You have to understand how badly your connection with me can reflect on your reputation. I know you do not listen to gossip, but I am still known in the Heavenly Realm as the laughingstock of the three realms. My story is a cautionary tale to most.”
The boy tilted his head like he didn’t understand. ”But they don’t know Master-ge. They are wrong.” It didn’t matter if they knew him or not. His reputation was enough to stain most people's opinion to the point that they would never be genuinely respectful towards Xie Lian. His humble nature and all he had learned over his banishment were behaviors most officials would look down on. It was what made him a laughingstock to begin with. It especially would not change their opinion for the better if they believed he had influenced other gods. Perhaps some might take it as a sign of good will and of his better nature to have guided someone to becoming a powerful god of their own.
Others would see something very different. They would talk of him using these deities he had connections to for control and power in the Heavenly Realm for his own means. Xie Lian did not care what they had to say about him or how much others looked down on him, but he did care that it could hurt Yizhen. He feared that Mu Qing would potentially be dragged in as well due to their pasts and his friendship with Yizhen. Feng Xin was sure to be drawn in too even if others did not know he was aware of the situation. Xie Lian cared about these people and how it could affect them.
“Xuan Zhen knows and likes you.” That made him tense. “Yizhen, you understand Xuan Zhen recognized me personally, right?” The boy hesitantly nodded. “I suspected. You call him by a different name sometimes.” “Mu Qing, General Xuan Zhen, and Feng Xin, General Nan Yang, are both from Xianle. They were once… they were my friends before I ascended and after I was banished.” It was clear the boy didn’t entirely understand. He supposed the story had been vague about others. “There is nothing for you to worry about regarding our relationship. When we all spoke that day we came to an understanding of sorts. They were worried about me. As I said in the story, I had disappeared.”
Xie Lian pat the boy's head and Yizhen considered this. “I’m sure you above anyone else can understand the way they felt when I finally showed up after all that time.” The nod was agreeable but a frown still settled on the boy's lips. It took Xie Lian a moment to realize Yizhen did not like sharing when it came to his Master-ge. The mention of that moment still upset Yizhen and now he shared another personal moment with them as well. “If they don’t hate you either then everyone else is wrong about you.” The words were genuine and sounded so sure. It was admirable for Yizhen to have so much faith in those he was close to, but still so naive to believe things were ever so simple.
“You are sweet to think that Yizhen. We cannot change others opinions if they do not want to listen and try to understand. I have no interest in proving myself to anyone.” This seemed easier for Yizhen to accept as he had a similar mindset for himself. It was the need to defend Xie Lian that made the boy conflicted. Yizhen was too stubborn to let others look down on his Master-ge. To think he was anything lesser. Xie Lian allowed him a quiet moment to settle those conflicts within himself. Yizhen did not speak out against Xie Lian’s desires and seemed to decide to put it to rest for now.
“Your name isn’t Quan.” “Ah…” he had not expected that to be where Yizhen would direct the conversation. “My name is Xie Lian. Quan was my chosen name at the time we met.” The focus on that baffled him. Xie Lain had worried he would have to calm the boy's anger or struggle to explain the details of his painful history. Yizhen always knew how to surprise him. Instead the boy was upset about a detail Xie Lian had honestly thought he understood. He had not used the name Quan in a long time, not with any significance. Xie Lian knew that Yizhen had heard him use different fake names across their different encounters. He never thought to clarify it.
“So we do not share a name.” “Not in the common sense, but the name is still one I had chosen and one I was proud to give you.” Xie Lian pat the boy's head again and considered the matter himself. He supposed he understood that this was important to Yizhen. Yizhen had been all alone for as long as the boy could remember. A little boy that had no family name and did not have a birthday. Those were things Xie Lian had given him. Yizhen had always treasured the things Xie Lian had given him. “No need to pout Yizhen. These things are still as important as they always have been. Whether we share a name or not does not change our history.”
Yizhen leaned into his side, resting his head on Xie Lian’s shoulder. He continues to brush the boy's hair from his face. “But I want to be your family.” The words were slightly muffled from Yizhen's position, but they were an honest confession. The tenseness once it was said implied it had startled them both. Yizhen was honest in general but the words seemed to spill out before he had processed them. Not uncommon for Yizhen, but this time was different. Xie Lian did not respond right away. Thinking about it, he started to understand more why the boy was so focused on this.
Giving the name Quan had been a sign of their connection. It wasn’t just about giving Yiizhen the name Quan but that it was the tie that held them together. That showed they were connected to others in an important way. Losing it now, or confirming it had been just another of many false names Xie Lian had used, likely made Yizhen feel like he had lost that bond and the security that came with it. “You and I will always be connected Yizhen.” The boy did not move from Xie Lian’s side. “There is no Xie family remaining. My name carries no good connotations.”
“But it is yours.” Xie Lian withheld a sigh. “Then you consider Xie your own name as well, in spirit.” He regretted that the moment he said it. A simple concession to him was not so simple to Yizhen. “Xie Yizhen…. Xie Yizhen…” There was a sense of relief that Yizhen’s given name would rarely be used over Qing Yi in the Heavenly Realm. Not that he wasn’t sure Yizhen wouldn’t mention it if it somehow came up. The one that would most likely hear of it was Mu Qing. Xie Lian supposed if anyone would understand how stubborn Yizhen could be it was him. Mu Qing would probably insist the Yizhen not use it otherwise.
In that situation Xie Lian felt Mu Qing would be scolding him too for spoiling Yizhen yet again That Xie Lian should have told him no outright. Oddly enough, Xie Lian embraced that feeling of dread. It was a very welcomed feeling compared to the awful things he had expected to follow this conversation. He knew Yizhen would likely ask more when the boy had time to think through all that had been said today. It was possible Yizhen might look into Xie Lian in regards to what he might be able to find in the Heavenly Realm. For now Xie Lian preferred to be in the moment. He would gladly listen to Yizhen’s troubled feelings about his family name and take comfort in the person tucked against his side that considered Xie Lian family.