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Chapter Text

Chapter 1

1933

The bus was drivning slowly through the heavy snowfall. The wind was forming drifts across the road and the tired bus driver squinted as he was trying to see anything in the compact darkness. It was the 18th of December and the bus was almost empty. A woman, maybe in her thirties, was sitting in one of the front seats, leaning her head against the window. Well, she didn’t look scared, at least. Maybe she had seen worse things in her life than a small bus on a slippery winter road, trying to manage the hilly Yorkshire Dales. The bus was already forty five minutes late. The driver sighed and turned with some difficulty into the even smaller road that lead to Darrowby. He turned again to the woman behind him.

- Only fifteen more minutes until we reach Darrowby, ma’m!
The woman hid a yawn behind her hand and began to gather her things.
- Thanks, she said. Is there more than one bus stop? I’m on my way to a place called Skeldale house.
- That’ s right by the market place. You’ll have no trouble finding it.
- Thanks.
Audrey buttoned the coat all the way up to her chin. She was extremely tired. Every bus and train on her journey had been delayed due to the bad weather. When she started her journey this morning, she had been nervous, but now all the tension was gone and she just wanted to be at home and stretch out on her bed and sleep.

Her bed. Home. Who knew when she would have a home of her own again. The last two months in a shabby boardinghouse couldn’t in any way count as a home. But she’d had no choice. She was forced to stay in Scarborough until the trial was over. The thought of that court room sent a quiver of anxiety through her body. Her beloved son, her little Edward, only 14 years old, still a child, had been standing there, accused of theft before the jury. It was almost more than she could handle. The hateful expression on his face as he looked at her when he was taken out between two sturdy policemen – it was like if he had stabbed her with a knife right into her heart. Over and over again she tried to convince herself that she’d had no choice. She had caught him red handed, a golden necklace in his pocket, stolen from the sweet Mrs Brimwald, her employer’s wife. She recognised it immediately, it had been missing from the dressing table for some days. And Audrey’s horrible suspicion that the disappearance of the necklace coincided with the day that Edward made a visit, turned out to be true. He was living with his father, but turned up in the Brimwald kitchen, where she worked as a housekeeper, to borrow some money. Again.

Audrey pressed her aching forehead against the cold bus window. The bad memories made her stomach squirm of anxiety. What could she have done differently? Robert, her husband. His drinking became worse by the day. And with it, the hateful words and the blows. Maybe the worst thing was how he started to turn Edward against her as well. Contemptuous remarks about how stupid she was. And ugly. How they both would laugh at her. She couldn’t understand how she had become so evasive, Audrey Clark, the wren who wasn’t afraid of anything. There had been no other way out of it but to leave him.

They met just at the beginning of the Great War. She had just turned 19. He was a marine soldier, tall, handsome, full of pretty words. She had fallen head over heels for him and within a month they were engaged. A very romantic war wedding after six months and then love letters and brief meetings when he was ashore. He was attentive and loving. In 1917 she became a member of WRNS, the recently formed Women’s Royal Naval Service. She loved being a wren, learning to handle a rifle, taking care of wounded, cooking in large quantities. Doing her part of the war effort. Her confidence grew with her experiences.
And then the war was finally over. Their life was about to start for real. A very small flat at the outskirts of Scarborough, but she cleaned it floor to ceiling. Made it into a home with curtains, embroidered tablecloths and pots with pink geraniums. She adored it! She got work as a kitchen maid in a nearby restaurant and Robert worked at the docks. In just a few months she got pregnant. She would have been so happy if it weren’t for Roberts mood swings. The war had changed him, she told herself. But to be honest, even though she had been crazy in love with him when they met, she had already at that point seen less flattering sides of him. He was often moody when he didn’t get his way with things. She made a habit of letting him decide just about everything, it made things so much easier.

But when little Edward was born they were wonderfully happy. He was the sweetest little baby! Round cheeks with deep dimples, big blue eyes and curly blond hair. She would sit for hours just watching his little face as he slept. And Robert adored him too. Well, at least when he was a happy baby. There were of course sleepless nights, teething and colic, as with any infant. Robert would go out, slam the door in the middle of the night and come home in the morning, drunk as a skunk.
They were short of money all the time. Audrey had to get a job again. She found one at a café nearby, her mother would gladly babysit a few hours when Robert was at work. He didn’t like it – a wife should be at home! – but with more money their economy got better and things brightened up for a while.

Things got a whole lot worse as Edward started school. Robert’s drinking increased, which led to funny ideas in his intoxicated brain, like being jealous at the customers at the café. She didn’t have much to do with them, she worked in the kitchen, baking and making sandwiches. But Robert’s outbursts would wake her up in the middle of the night, he would accuse her of all sorts of lies that he made up in his twisted mind. He started following her to work, storming into the café and making all sorts of scenes. So of course she lost the job.

The first time he hit her was at Edward’s eighth birthday. They went on a nice picnic in the park with all of the grandparents. Audrey had been cooking and baking the whole day before. It was such happiness to open the baskets and hand out pies, buns and other delicacies. They had such a lovely time, Edward opened his presents and was so happy. A green football! Audrey’s heart jumped of joy when she saw his face, shining of delight.
Their parents left after a while. Robert grabbed beer after beer from the basket. Audrey regretted bringing alcohol, barley water would have been just fine. Edward was kicking around his new ball when Robert suddenly, with no warning, smacked her face so hard that she fell to the ground.
- I’ll teach you not to gaze and smile at other blokes!
In total shock she tried to get up, the grass and dirt on her face blended with blood from her lips. The pulsating pain took her breath away and black dots appeared in front of her eyes.
- I didn’t…. didn’t smile at anyone…
She almost couldn’t speak.
- I was just watching Eddie…
- You fucking cunt, do you think I’m a total idiot ? I saw you smiling at that big bloke over there. Do you know him?
She squinted in the direction he pointed, wiping off the blood on her face with her handkerchief.
- I have never seen him in my life.
He gazed doubtfully at her with eyes full of disgust.
- You are so full of lies. I’m sure I’ve seen that guy before. Hanging around in the neighbourhood. Surely waiting for me to go to work…
He raised his hand again to hit her, but this time she was prepared and managed to avoid the blow. She crawled away from him, terrified.
This wouldn’t stop. This was the start of an all-nighter with hard words and humiliations. And probably also violence, it seemed. Tears fell on her sore lips and made them hurt even more. Through her cloudy eyes she could see little Edward, standing very still a few yards away, football under arm. He had seen it all. His father beating his mother. The horrific words. He looked so scared.

- Eh.. excuse me?
Audrey twitched as she felt a soft tap on her shoulder. She wiped a tear away and turned to the woman who had been sitting further back in the bus, but now was seated right behind her.
- Yes?
- I’m sorry, I couldn’t help overhearing… are you on your way to Darrowby?
- Yes, that’s right. I’m applying for the position as a housekeeper at the vet’s clinic.
- Oh! Oh, I say…
The woman was quite small, with a friendly face. Her blue eyes gazed at Audrey with a warm curiosity. She felt an immediate sympathy for this person.
- Are you familiar with Darrowby, mrs..
- Wilkins! My name is Alice Wilkins and I’m delivering the post in Darrowby!
- Oh, I see! I’m Audrey Hall.
They shook their thickly gloved hands.
- And has the journey been long?
- From Scarborough. All the trains and buses have been delayed.
- No wonder in this ghastly weather! And you’re the new housekeeper at Skeldale house…
- Yes. At least I hope so.
- Oh well. Good luck.
The expression on mrs Wilkin’s face gave the numb butterflies in Audrey’s stomach new energy. Her friendly face had now a deep wrinkle between the eyes.. She gazed out in the darkness for a minute, probably thinking of what to say. This seemed to be a delicate issue.
- Mr Farnon is a very appreciated vet around here. A bit quirky, but very conscientious and engaged. But some months ago he lost his wife Evelyn. Such a lovely person! She was really the heart of this little town! Always smiling, always with a kind word to everyone. She would arrange a party for the children of the town every Christmas Eve. Mr Farnon would be dressed up as Father Christmas and would hand out gifts to the little ones. And all the grownups would have a drink and some mince pie. Well, that won’t ever happen again..
- I’m so sorry to hear that.. Mr Farnon wrote in his letter that he was a widower, but he didn’t mention that it happened this recently.
Mrs Wilkins put her hand on Audrey’s shoulder and smiled obligingly.
- I don’t want to worry you. But maybe you should know one or two things. There have already been six or seven housekeepers at Skeldale in, what is it.. Five, six months? Mr Farnon is of course mourning his beloved Evelyn. But he wouldn’t let the poor women do their work. If they so much as touched any of Evelyn’s belongings, he went crazy. And it is of course quite difficult to keep house, if you’re not allowed to touch any of the late wife’s things!
- Of course…
- But you seem to be a clever and industrious woman! I’m sure you will manage!
- Well, let’s hope so. Thanks for telling me, anyway.
- My pleasure!
She smiled again and looked out the window. The bus was slowing down and eventually stopped.
- This would be Darrowby , ma’m!
The bus driver smiled. Just three more stops and he would home.
- Skeldale house is just up the street at the market place, he said.
- Oh don’t worry, mr Peterson, I’ll show her, said Mrs Wilkins.
The two women got off the bus. It was snowing even heavier now, but the wind seemed to have slowed down.
- Blimey, you can hardly see the hand in front of you in this snowfall, laughed Mrs Wilkins. Come on, luv, take my arm, we don’t want to get away from each other, now that we’re finally home!
Home. That painful word again… Audrey swallowed hard, gritted her teeth and took a firm grip of Mrs Wilkins arm, following her through the deep snow between dark houses with faint glimpses of warm light in the windows. The snow was everywhere, in her face, in her shoes, she could feel it blowing up under her skirt and down her neck. Would she ever get warm again?
The narrow street opened up to a square. Mrs Wilkins stopped and pointed at a house in the right corner.
- That’s Skeldale house! I wish you all the best of luck with mr Farnon. And I really hope to see you again. Don’t hesitate to ask, if you need any kind of help. The post office is just down that street. And please call me Alice!
- Thanks for all the help, Alice, I will certainly be in touch.
She gave Alice a quick hug. The other woman laughed and hugged her back.
- Now hurry before you catch your death!

Skeldale house was dark, not a glimpse of light in any of the windows. Maybe mr Farnon had gone to bed already? She glanced at her watch. Quarter past eleven. Maybe she should go straight to The Drover’s Inn where she had booked a room. But it was probably closed. What would she do if mr Farnon was fast asleep and didn’t answer the door? Freeze to death right here in the town market place? Well, maybe that would be just as well.
- For goodness sake, stop it Audrey, she mumbled to herself, took some big steps to the front door of the house and rang the bell.

Chapter Text

Siegfried Farnon had spent the evening by the fire in the sitting room, not reading the book on his lap and drinking whiskey. Four glasses. Or was it five? Not more than he could handle if he was called out during the night. But unfortunately not enough to ease his pain. He nodded off for a while but woke up when the pendulum clock struck eleven. The old clock didn’t keep time, so it was probably ten past or so. Time to go upstairs, go to bed, twist and turn until seven o clock when he could leave his half-sleep and face another meaningless day. Hopefully he would get through the night without nightmares.
He was just about to climb the stairs when the doorbell rang. At this time? Probably some pet owner, a sick cat or dog. Couldn’t it wait until surgery tomorrow? He sighed and opened the door.

The wind swept in a cloud of snow that hit his face and blinded him for a second. He blinked and tried to focus his gaze. The woman on the threshold looked tired. Two big eyes with dark shadows. Her cheeks were thin and she was very pale. He had never seen her before. And he couldn’t see any pet with her.
- Yes? he said, quite annoyed.
She looked a bit surprise.
- I’m Mrs Hall… I’m sorry for being so late…
He just stared at her. The name didn’t say him anything.
- Every bus and train was delayed because of the weather.
Who on earth was this woman on his doorstep?
- I’m sorry Mrs...Moore, do we know each other?
Her eyes got even bigger.
- Hall…I…I’m applying for the position as a housekeeper. You wrote me a letter a week ago.
- Goodness, was that today?
- I’m sorry, maybe I should go to the Drover’s, I have booked a room. And we can talk tomorrow…
- No, for heaven’s sake, come on in!
Siegfried made an effort to sober up, cleared his throat and tried to smile. It didn’t work. In the bright light of the electric lamp hanging from the ceiling, he took a closer look at her, as she unwrapped the big shawl around her head and unbuttoned her coat. She was quite tall and lean. Her mousy brown hair was neatly done in a roll at the back of her head. Her high cheekbones sent shadows over the sunken cheeks and she pursed her thin lips as she looked around. Her observant but tired eyes were blue with a deep wrinkle between the eyebrows . He could see a slight shiver in her body, like a frozen dog, and realised that she must be very cold after travelling all day in ice cold trains and buses. She was quite a bit younger than the previous housekeepers. But he couldn’t be picky about details like that. None of them had stayed for more than fortnight and he really needed someone to take care of the household before things got totally out of hands. She looked nothing like Evelyn and that was the most important thing. Evelyn’s sparkling brown eyes, the golden curls than would dance around her face as she laughed. Her short, curvy figure and her humour. A sharp pain run through him again. Would it ever stop.

Audrey looked around in the hall. It was a nice room, with chairs around the walls and a small table with piles of worn magazines. The wallpapers were yellow, a mild warm nuance. Well, it would have been a nice room if the tile floor wasn’t covered with dried mud and dirt. All the furniture were slightly out of place. It looked dirty and messy. Mr Farnon opened a door to the right and described it as the examination room. In there, quite differently from the waiting area, everything looked neat and clean. Except for the big desk that was covered with papers and books. And some dirty tea cups.
- Surgery for pets on Tuesdays and Thursdays between nine and one o’clock, mr Farnon said.
She nodded and took a closer look at him. He was younger than she had imagined, maybe just over forty. His hair was ginger, dull and quite messy. He had a beard that didn’t cover the fact that his cheeks were sunken in. His brown eyes, with dark shadows around, were a bit unfocused and she could smell alcohol from his breath. She flinched a little, that smell was associated with fear to her. But this man didn’t make the impression of being violent. He was quite thin. Not in a healthy way. It looked like he had lost a lot of weight in a short time.
He showed her the way further in to the house. A big sitting room with armchairs and a sofa, a fireplace with an almost burnt out fire. How she wanted to sit by it and try to get warm again. This room was also very messy. Tea cups, plates, books and magazines filled every space of the dusty tables and shelves. The connecting dining room had a big table in the centre, but all the chairs were scattered around the room, not one of them was placed by the table. Messy, dirty, but under all the debris – a nice room.
- I haven’t had the time to tidy up, really. The former housekeeper left a week ago. Or two.
No way, Audrey thought to herself. This mess was more than a week old. Even though she was more or less dead on her feet, her hands itched to start tidying up and make this place a nice home again.
- Now, this is the kitchen.
Mr Farnon opened a door and turned on the light in the room. Storming from inside came a golden retriever pup, he ran passed mr Farnon and right into Audrey’s legs, wagging his tail and sniffing curiously around the stranger. Audrey bent down and caressed his head and curly ears.
- Well, hello! What is this little one called then?
- Jess. Took care of her some weeks ago. The bitch died during the birth. Couldn’t save her. All the other pups were taken on by farmers. But this one was too small and delicate, no-one wanted her. I was supposed to put her down, but I couldn’t. A fine animal, just small. So I’ve taken care of her, fostering her until she’s big enough to be a farm dog.
Jess stayed close to Audrey as they entered the kitchen. At first a work area for the house wife, a very nice one, lovely wallpapers with a winding floral pattern. A wireless by the small window, an armchair, a sewing machine, some haberdashery and darning equipment, a small desk. The belongings of the late wife, no doubt a sensitive spot. Just like in the living room, everything was covered with dust, papers and dirty dishes.
The spacious kitchen had a fine AGA cooker placed in the old fireplace. A sink, another smaller cooker and a big table right in the middle. A washing machine with a wringer! On the other wall, a big cupboard. Not an inch of it was visible under that same clutter that covered everything in the house.
- And in here is the maid’s room.
Mr Farnon went through the kitchen to the left corner where two doors were facing each other, the right one was probably leading to the backside of the house. Mr Farnon opened the other one to the left. A very small room with a narrow bed, a small table and a chair. There was no wardrobe or chest of drawers. Not that she had that many clothes, but it would be nice to have somewhere to put her skirts and cardigans. The room was also very cold. A small stove in the corner looked like it hadn’t been used in a very long time.
- We didn’t have live in staff when… earlier, so this room haven’t been much used. The former housekeepers refused to stay here, they rented a room at Mrs Micklethwaite’s bed and breakfast. I can ask…
- Don’t worry, Mr Farnon, I’ll have no problems sleeping in here. It’s quite alright. We’ll sort things out as we go along.
- Good, that’s settled then.
- And there will be a week’s probationary period, as we discussed?
- Yes, yes.
A faint smile ran quickly over his face.
- There would be bed linen somewhere in some cupboard I guess…
- I’ll find it! You can just turn in now, mr Farnon, I’ll take care of things.
- Alright, I’ll leave you to it, then. Thank you, Mrs .. Moore.
He turned around and was heading out of the kitchen to go upstairs.
- Just a moment, mr Farnon… at what time would you like to have your breakfast?
- Eight o’clock, please.
- And what would you like to …
- Just coffee and toast. Strong coffee.
- Should I bring up a tray..
- No, I’ll have it here in the kitchen.
He looked at the table. Moved a few things around trying to make space. But it was too big a challenge.
- Well, good night, mr Farnon. And my name is Hall. Audrey Hall.
- Yes. Yes of course. I’m sorry.
- No worries.
He turned around and left the kitchen, mumbling what she thought was a good night.

As Siegfried climbed the stairs, he sighed deeply. He must try to make it work with this one. It was his last chance, he figured. He would never get another if he scared this one off as well. He had to count to ten when she started being insensitive about things. She looked quite kind, actually, but those women…. No one could ever do right by them. It had been something totally different with the young girls that Evelyn used to employ as an extra hand in the household. Nice, quick, hardworking farm girls. A lot of smile and laughter, especially in Tristan’s presence. They were more like family members than staff. Evelyn was quite unconventional in that aspect. She treated everyone the same, regardless of rank or background, giggling farm girls as well as Mrs Pumphrey at the mansion. And he liked that. Very much. If only people were more like animals. They didn’t care the least for titles or pedigrees. Treat them well and they’ll be nice to you. In most cases. Not always the way with bulls. But anyway.
He opened the door to his bedroom. It was cold. He still never remembered to make a fire in here in the afternoon. And hence he was cold more or less every night. He took off the tie and removed his trousers, threw them on a chair, quickly slid under the covers and tried to relax in spite of the damp sheets that covered his legs. Tomorrow he should ask Mrs…. What was it again? Moore? Hall! He had to remember her name at least. A hot water bottle, surely she would…
He yawned. At least she liked dogs. She was a quite plain woman. But at least she liked dogs. That was a good start. He yawned again and fell asleep.

Audrey looked around the kitchen. She had to get some order here before she went to bed. It would be impossible to make breakfast in this mess. At nine o’clock clients would start to come. The waiting area, she would have to do something about that too. She could probably do that while mr Farnon was having his breakfast. And that man needed more nutrition than toast and coffee. Was there any food at all in the house? She opened one of the smaller doors and bingo! The larder! Spacious with a lot of shelves. It was nice and cool, the perfect place to store food in the winter. An icebox of good size in the corner for the summer months. But alas, the shelves were more or less empty. Quite dirty too. Crocheted lace was nailed onto the shelf edges. She would have to give them a good wash.
But where to get groceries for breakfast. Was there a bakery nearby? She would obviously bake herself as soon as possible, but for tomorrow? A butcher? Where would she buy eggs? And money.. she had forgotten to ask mr Farnon for household money. She would have to use the last of her own pennies. Mr Farnon would surely pay her back.
She went in to her new room, maybe she should try to get it warm before starting to work. She opened the lid of the stove and put in three small logs and then tried to open the damper. It was stuck. She couldn’t move for all she wanted. Oh well. At least she wasn’t lying in the snow outside. Maybe the AGA would provide some warmth. She opened her small suitcase and took out one of her pinnies. There had been some aprons hanging on a hook by the larder, but they were probably Evelyn’s. She would be wise not to touch them. She then went over to the big, impressive AGA cooker. Her last employer had one installed just before she was forced to leave. But she learned to work with it and it was like a small miracle if you knew how to deal with it. Warm around the clock if you fed it with coal once every 24 hours. She put her hand on it. Ice cold. But the collector was just beside it, half filled with coal. So she wouldn’t have to search around the dark house after the coal storage. Twenty minutes later a big pot of water was boiling on the cooker and Audrey had begun her cleaning. For the first time that day she felt warm.

Two hours later she looked around the kitchen. All the surfaces were now empty and clean. She had made a neat pile of all the papers and books and placed them at the end of the table. The dishes were clean and back in the cupboard. The practical linoleum floor turned out to be red after some scrubbing. She also cleaned the floor in the corridor that went through the house to the front door. A beautiful tile floor, she discovered. It was a pure joy to see the beautiful colours appear. The waiting area was also nice and and tidy. It looked really good.
Half past two she went in to her ice cold bedroom, left the door open and hoped that the warmth from the kitchen would spread. A futile wish.
- Come on, Jess, she said to the pup that had been following her around all the time. If you sleep here with me, maybe we’ll keep warm together.
The fluffy little girl was more than happy to curl up against her in the narrow bed. She took out her big green alarm clock from the suitcase, yawned and set the alarm at six. Find a butcher and a bakery. That man… she had to get some decent food into him. And after that she had to....
Seconds later she fell asleep. A good sleep without nightmares and anxiety. Very good. But short.

Chapter Text

Siegfried opened his eyes slowly. Something was different. He had slept through the whole night without any dreams. He blinked a few times, saw a faint trace of daylight finding it’s way between the curtains. What on earth.. what time was it? He looked at the alarm clock. It was stuck on a quarter past three as it had been for some weeks. He never bothered to wind it up, he always woke up long before he had to. But his watch was still on his wrist and he had to put on his reading glasses to really understand that it showed a quarter past eight. He jumped out of bed, no time for any big hygiene procedure, a clean shirt and…
Clean shirt. He had no clean shirt. Mrs Jelf across the square helped out with the laundry, but he had forgotten his own clothes and just brought her the dirty sheets and towels from surgery. He searched through the pile of clothes on the floor, sniffing the shirts and finally finding one that was tolerable. He opened his bedroom door and was instantly hit by a sweet smell of coffee and fried sausages. For a second he thought he had lost his mind. Was he hallucinating? But then he remembered. The new housekeeper. He hurried into the bathroom, washed his face.. Five minutes later he ran down the stairs.
That mousy woman was in full swing in the kitchen.
- Good morning Mr Farnon. I hope you slept well.
- Yes, thank you Mrs…
Oh my God, what was her name again?
- Yes I actually did. Even overslept, sorry about that.
She nodded and made a gesture towards the table. All the books and papers were neatly piled at the end of it. A small table cloth and a vase with green leaves and red berries was placed in the middle. And at the long side, opposite the sink, a plate and a tea cup was waiting for him.
The seductive smell of food made his stomach grumble.
- You said yesterday that you only wanted some toast, but I took the liberty to make a more filling breakfast. I understand if you still prefer just toast…
She turned around and picked some crunchy pieces of bread and put them in the toast rack in front of him at the table.
- It all smells lovely, I’d be happy to …
In a wink she lifted the big frying pan from the Aga and shovelled a pile of scrambled eggs, bacon and fried sausages on his plate. She poured him some coffee that looked just as black as he wanted it. He took a sip and…. Yes. Perfect!

Audrey watched him dig in to the food that she had managed to find in the small shops of Darrowby early in the morning. The butcher and bakery had been easy enough to find, but she had to walk several rounds to find some dairies. Eventually she had everything she needed for a full farmer’s breakfast and just hoped that her new employer would appreciate it.
- Some more sausages, mr Farnon?
- Oh yes please, this is really delicious, Mrs … Hall.
Thank God. Hall. That was her name. But her first name? Anna? Never mind, he would never use her first name.
Audrey leaned over him and put some more food on his plate. In that instant she realised that she hadn’t eaten herself since, what was it? Noon yesterday? Her stomach suddenly growled loudly, demanding nourishment right away. How embarrassing.
Mr Farnon looked up at her.
- Mrs Hall, have you had any breakfast yourself?
She hurried back to the Aga, turning her back to him to hide her blushing face.
- That’s alright, I’ll eat later.
Mr Farnon rose up from his place.
- Please Mrs Hall, be my guest. Sit down and eat with me. This house has never been the place of any upstairs and downstairs thinking.
She turned around and looked at him. His face was open. Sincere. Under that grief struck surface was a man with an honest heart.
- Thank you, she said, fetched herself a plate and filled it with food, poured coffee and milk in a cup and sat down opposite him at the table.
They ate in silence for a few minutes. Audrey glanced at her watch. Twenty to nine. Clients would probably be gathering quite soon. She had to ask.
- Hm, mr Farnon, I have some questions..
- Yes, Mrs Hall?
- Eh… household money..
- Oh, of course! How much would be sufficient?
- Oh, I have no idea what things cost around here.
- I’ll just give you some money then.
- The food I bought this morning..
- Goodness! You must have been up early! Oh, did you pay for it by yourself?
He took out his wallet and gave it to her.
- Just take whatever you need and cover your costs. Later on we’ll make some kind of routine of it
He wasn’t cheap at least. That’s something.
Mr Farnon munched the last pieces of toast and emptied his coffee cup. He wiped his mouth with the linen napkin with his initials she had found in a drawer. She was a little worried that it would bring out memories of the late wife. But nothing happened. He actually looked quite content.
- There is something else I want to talk about.
- The wages? Didn’t we have some agreement in the letters?
He had a vague memory of that.
- Yes we did. And it is quite alright.
- Time off? What did we agree on?
- Wednesday evenings and Sunday afternoons. And that is more than enough.
What ever would she do with her time off in this little town?
- Alright, then everything is fine. Thanks so much for breakfast, duty is calling in a few minutes!
He hurried out of the kitchen.
What about dinner? At what time? And lunch?
What she really wanted to talk to him about was the fact that she didn’t bring any references from her last employer. Whatever would he think? Should she even tell him what happened? Undoubtedly he was a man of high moral standards. Maybe it would be best not to mention it at all. But then again, if he found out? She couldn’t lie. And not telling was actually just as bad. Well, it would have to wait until tonight.

Siegfried went into his examination room and peaked out through the window. A line of maybe five or six pet owners were waiting outside. He checked his equipment, made sure everything was in its right place and looked at his watch. Three minutes to go. He was on his way to open the front door and let people in when he stopped for a second. That same feeling from when he woke up hit him again. Something was different. He didn’t have a headache. His stomach was full of good nutritious food and some small part of his chest felt a tiny little bit lighter. The grief was of course there just like before. But it was just a little easier to breathe. He looked around the waiting area and the connecting corridor. It was clean. All the chairs were in their right place, the magazines nicely gathered on the table. An embroidered table cloth and the same green twigs with red berries in a vase. Had she been working all night? A faint smile spread on his face as he unlocked the doors and people and small animals started streaming in.

Audrey had closed the connecting doors between the waiting area and the living room. As soon as she was finished washing up after breakfast, the sitting room would be her next project. She fetched all the cleaning supplies from the cupboard under the stairs and stood for a moment, not knowing where to start. This would take some time. She considered her options and then made a new decision. She had to do some laundry. Almost every piece of fabric in the house was dusty or even dirty. Better to let things soak in hot water and lye, then she could rinse everything in the afternoon and let dry over night. She left the brushes and buckets in the living room and went upstairs to look for more laundry.

The first floor revealed a corridor with five doors. Behind the first that she opened was a staircase to what she assumed was the attic. That would have to wait.
The next door was the bathroom. Black and white tiles and green water closet, basin and tub. A small window with leaded glass in bright colours. Very nice. But obviously unclean. The next door she opened was a quite big bedroom with a connecting dressing room. It looked uninhabited, it would have to wait. At the end of the corridor was a smaller room that was used for storage. It was filled with old furniture, boxes and debris. It had a nice, floral wallpaper and a big window where a pale winter sun gazed in. The curtains were made of delicate lace and very dusty. Maybe this once was the room of a little girl.
The last room she checked was mr Farnon’s bedroom. The air was stale, it was quite cold. A big pile of clothes were lying on the floor. She pulled the linen from the big wooden bed, stopped for a moment to look at the unused bedside. Evelyn’s side. She opened the big closet in beautiful art déco style. On one side tweed trousers, vests and jackets. On the other skirts, blouses and dresses. Audrey took out one with great care. It was made of coral pink silk and embroidered with a pattern of flowers on the sleeves and by the hem. She had been a petite woman for sure. Audrey caressed the exquisite fabric and sighed. Never did she own a garment as beautiful as this. She had of course some nice dresses for church, but nothing like this. Alright, that wasn’t entirely true. Her best friend Dorothy gave her a stunning dress some years ago. It was a bit out of fashion, straight with a low cut waistline, not as tailored as fashion dictated nowadays. Black silk chiffon with glimmering rhinestones. A deep neckline on the back and fringes of glass pearls. She had never worn it. She really liked beautiful dresses but always felt awkward in them. And the last year’s problems had made her loose weight. Her clothes were too big, hanging on her like sails in a lull. She avoided mirrors.

She stopped her gloomy musings and started working again. An hour later the bed had fresh linen and was neatly made, everything was clean and dust free. The laundry was soaking in the washing machine in the kitchen. Even the bathroom was clean when Mr Farnon entered the kitchen after surgery.

A pile of sandwiches on a big plate, the green tea pot and two cups. The efficient housekeeper was nowhere to be seen. He sat down and poured himself a cup, added some milk and grabbed a sandwich. Jess was lying in his basket. A plate in the corner, licked clean by a soft pup tongue. He slowly wagged his tail and blinked at his master. When Audrey entered the kitchen he jumped out of his dog bed and greeted her with happy little barks.
If this goes on I might do the same, Siegfried thought.
Audrey petted the dogs head, then seated herself by the table and poured herself a cup.
- I trust everything went well? All animals cured?
- Nothing dramatic today. Lice, scabies and things like that.
He was hungry. He was actually hungry. He grabbed another sandwich.
- It must be a wonderful profession. To be able to help animals. Even though they can’t tell you what’s wrong.
- It’s not only about them, it’s just as much about their owners. Sometimes I wish that I just had to deal with the animals though. With people it’s so much more complicated.
She nodded.
- I see what you mean.
Her blue eyes looked over the brim of the tea cup, over his shoulder and she seemed lost in thoughts. He watched her for a brief moment. What had happened to her? Siegfried wasn’t very interested in people as a rule, but this woman teased his curiosity. She didn’t look quite as mousy anymore, the hard work had painted red roses on her thin cheeks. But the deep wrinkle between her eyes was still there. He grabbed a third sandwich, swallowed it quickly and emptied his tea cup.
- I will be away for the better part of the afternoon. Helping a farmer to examine some new livestock. It may take a while. I don’t think I’ll be back before seven.
- So dinner at half past seven then?
- That would be lovely.
- Any wishes?
- No, I trust you to make a good decision.
She rose, found a small paper bag in a drawer (how did she know where things were after just a few hours? He had no idea where to find anything), put the remaining sandwiches in it and handed it to Siegfried.
- In case you get hungry. And one more thing. The damper in my room is stuck. I couldn’t light the oven last night and it was quite cold.
- Ah, I see. I’ll have a look at it later. Thank you Mrs Hall, delicious!
And off he was.

Audrey sipped her tea. Jess had put his head on her lap and she petted him slowly and absentmindedly. She was full. The hard work had given her an appetite and the food actually tasted good. It was also a joy to see mr Farnon enjoy her cooking. The anxious thoughts couldn’t break through when her body laboured, it was a great relief, not having to listen to that self destructive inner monologue that always went on and on with no sign of ever stopping. How did Edward adapt in the borstal? What was he doing right now? The pointless thoughts came back if she rested just for a moment.
The pup’s soft ears and his loving gaze at her. She took the last piece of the sandwich on her plate and fed him with it. The dog swallowed it in one bite. Mr Farnon was right, animals were so much easier to deal with than people.

Chapter Text

Audrey spent the afternoon finally tidying the sitting room and dining area. It was too cold to clean the windows, that would have to wait. The sun was shining outside, the heavy snowfall had left a thick layer of white on the ground, almost like whipped cream. What should she make for dessert tonight… there were some wrinkled apples left on a shelf in the larder, maybe an apple crumble? The lamb chops she had bought at the butcher’s this morning, Yorkshire pudding and gravy, some vegetables. She looked around in the spacious room. A wireless and a gramophone! How lovely, she loved music. She would often go the orchestra recitals at the Grand Hall in Scarborough, if she could get an evening off. Mozart, Brahms, Handel, she loved their music. And Elgar! But also modern music from movies and operettas. She turned on the radio and started her cleaning, singing with the music whenever a well-known tune was heard. The laundry was now clean, drying on the laundry rack hanging from the ceiling in the kitchen. Another round at the waiting area and the corridor through the house, this would obviously be something she’d have to to every day, maybe more than once. She allowed herself a nice brew when the living room was ready, before she started cooking dinner.

Siegfried returned just before seven o’clock. The roads in the Dales were almost impossible to drive with all the snow, he was quite happy when he got back to Darrowby. He might as well have been stuck in a big drift. He parked the Vauxhall at the back of the house, the lamp light was shining from the kitchen. Before he opened the back door, he brushed off the snow from his clothes, wondering what he would get for dinner. Such a nice thought, the warm kitchen, the smell of food…
Evelyn’s smiling face. How she would snuggle up in his arms when he returned home after a long day of work. Her sweet smell of milk and freshly baked bread. The pain that hit him as he stood there in the ice cold backyard was almost unbearable, like a hard punch straight to the stomach. He stood still for a moment, just trying to breathe. A terrible suspicion struck him. What had she done, that mousy woman, while he was away? Rummaged around Evelyn’s things? He stormed in, walked right through the kitchen, leaving a trail of dirt and snow behind him on the clean linoleum floor.
He looked around at the small desk, the photos, darning basket, the sewing machine, everything looked the same. Even Evelyn’s slippers were still on the floor where she once had left them the day she became too ill to get out of bed. He sighed. Thank God.

- Mr Farnon, dinner is ready in just a few minutes. What would you like to drink?
He turned around but didn’t look at her. The chaos inside made him speechless. He just went into the pantry and came out with two bottles of beer. Still shaking he sat down at the table. Audrey looked closely at him. What just happened? His eyes scanning every detail around the desk. Did he suspect that she would have rearranged it or something? She hadn’t touched anything. Just scrubbed the floor. She realised how careful she had to be. And how tormented this poor man was.

They had their meal in silence. It was actually quite restful, Audrey thought. The radio was playing light classical pieces like The Swan and A little night music. The lamb was really good, you would rarely get meat of this quality in Scarborough. The prices were also considerably higher there. She really enjoyed working with the Aga, the Yorkshire pies were maybe the best she had ever made. So easy to cook with this top equipment!
Thank you Evelyn, she thought. And I’m so sorry for you. I’ll try to do my best to get your home and your poor husband on track again.
She glanced at the small photo on the desk. She had studied it closely earlier today. A young happy couple. A strikingly beautiful young woman with blond, curly, bobbed hair. Mr Farnon, young and handsome, no beard but an elegant moustache on his upper lip. Looking lovingly at his beautiful wife. You never know what life has in store for you, she thought. A good marriage that ends in disaster when one dies. Or a marriage that is destroyed by war. And a child that gets into trouble.
- I‘m sorry, Mrs Hall.
Mr Farnon’s voice almost startled her as she quickly wiped a tear off her eye.
- It’s just…. Memories.
- I know, mr Farnon, I know. We’ve all had our share…
They looked at each other for a moment. Two people that didn’t know each other, suddenly living under the same roof. With big burdens to carry. A soothing feeling of being understood. It wouldn’t change anything. But it was comforting.
- How about some pudding?
Audrey got up and started clearing the table.
- I’ve made some apple crumble and custard.
- That sounds absolutely delicious, Mrs Hall.

Siegfried was exhausted after a day of hard work and a roller coaster of emotions. He said good night to the housekeeper by the sink with her hands in the dishwater. Halfway up the stairs he remembered that he should have asked for a hot water bottle. But he was too tired to go back, he just wanted to sleep. As soon as possible. He opened the door to his bedroom. The room was warm. All his clothes were in the closet except a clean, ironed shirt on a hanger. The bed linen had been changed and there was no dust anywhere. Evelyn’s bedside table looked as before. Minus the dust.
The bathroom too, was spotless. How was all this possible in just one day? And the good food. That lady could open a fine restaurant any day if she wanted to. A pair of pyjamas were laid out on the bed. He took off his clothes, made a point of not throwing them on the floor, put the pyjamas on and slipped under the covers. Evelyn’s face flickered before his eyes. She smiled. Nodded at him like she always did when she wanted to encourage him to something. Within a few seconds he was fast asleep.

Audrey checked all the locks and turned off the lights. A last sweep in the kitchen and she was ready for bed. The door to her room had been open the whole day, hopefully it was a bit warmer than last night. She hadn’t had the heart to ask mr Farnon to fix the damper, it was obvious that he needed to turn in early. She just would have to bunk with Jess again and try to keep warm. She turned off the light in the kitchen, checked the back door. Brushed her teeth by the kitchen sink. Went in to her room, removed the pins in her hair, brushed it and put on a hairnet, took off her pinnie, cardigan, blouse, skirt, girdle, bra, but kept the wool stockings on. Slipped into her flannel nightie and put the cardi back on. Called for Jess and more or less fell into the bed. Three covers, two hot water bottles and a cuddly little dog. Less than a minute later she slept like a child.

Chapter Text

She slept for eight hours straight. A heavy, healing sleep with no dreams. When she woke up at seven the next morning, she had at first no idea where she was. Her body felt stiff and uncooperative. The narrow bed had a lumpy, hard mattress, it was quite uncomfortable. But Jess’s soft tongue was licking her face and the puppy’s loving eyes and happy tail made her smile.
- Good morning, luv! You’ re a cheerful little girl, aren’t you?
She got out of the bed with some difficulty, stretching her aching back. The room was ice cold. Rapidly she threw on her robe and went into the kitchen, shovelled some more coal into the Aga and heated some water. She really needed a bath but a quick wash would have to do at this point. Maybe she would find time in the afternoon, when Mr Farnon was out on house calls. That lovely big tub upstairs was really tempting. Maybe she could buy some bath salt. With lavender or violet scent. She used to have a beautiful glass jar with bath salt, a gift from her mother, but she probably left it at her last workplace when she had to leave in such a hurry. She shivered as she rubbed the washcloth against the soap, wiped her armpits, neck, breasts and stomach under the nightie and said a quick prayer that Mr Farnon wouldn’t come down earlier this morning.
He didn’t. At eight sharp he entered the kitchen, dressed in the tweed suit that she had aired and brushed, the clean shirt and a tie. He had combed his hair and maybe even groomed his beard?
- Good morning, Mrs Hall, I trust you slept well? I had a lovely long bath this morning, really the best way to start the day.
He sat down at the table. Audrey poured him coffee and fetched the big frying pan. A pile of bacon, sausages and scrambled eggs was shovelled on his plate.
- Good morning, mr Farnon. I slept quite well but it is a bit cold in my room. I’m lucky Jess keeps me company.
Jess heard her name and came to greet her master. Mr Farnon ruffled her big ears.
- Ah, yes, the damper. I’ll have a look at it later today.
- Maybe I could call someone instead?
- No no, no need! I’ll do it.
Whenever he remembers, Audrey thought to herself. She poured some coffee for herself too, filled her plate and sat down to eat.
- I’m driving to Brawton by noon to pick up my brother at the train station. We should be back by half past, if the train keeps schedule.
- Your brother?
Audrey was surprised. Was he living here as well?
- Yes, Tristan, my younger brother and biggest worry. He is doing his first year at the Edinburgh college, studying to be a vet. He’ll be here for the Christmas break.
- Siegfried and Tristan….
Audrey had found Siegfried’s name a little odd from the beginning. Maybe he had some kind of German heritage, she had thought. But paired the name of the younger brother… this was something else.
- Oh, please don’t ask, said Mr Farnon.
- I’m…I’m guessing your parents liked Wagner?
- Our father. Liking would be the least you could call it. More like adored. Worshipped. Anyway..
He waved his hand, this was obviously not his favourite topic.
- I’m just going to deprive a young tomcat of his greatest pleasure, and after that …
He became silent. Maybe he had overstepped with his new housekeeper. Women in her profession weren’t very keen of that kind of talk. Damn it. But Audrey chuckled.
- Let’s hope he got the opportunity to cancel, then. With the young female cats, I mean.
Siegfried looked at her. She had a sense of humour. Well, thank God! He chuckled as well. They laughed together.
I think I actually will be able to like this man, Audrey thought to herself. Not just feel sorry for him. And I have to do some more grocery shopping. With two gentlemen in the house.

Half an hour later Mr Farnon went out to the shed to fetch Smokey, the grey one year old kitten that was going to loose his manliness.
The cat mewed heartbreakingly as it was carried through the kitchen. Audrey felt quite sorry for it.
Siegfried opened the door to the examination room with one hand, holding the squirming cat in the other. The terrified little animal panicked when it was put down on the examination table, put all its sharp claws in Siegfried’s arm and managed to flee out of the room, back through the hallway and into the kitchen. It scared Jess out of her dog bed where she was sleeping peacefully, ran right into Audrey’s shoes and then disappeared under the cupboard.
- Oh my, what is happening?
Jess whined and looked at her with big, scared eyes.
- What a little rascal. Let’s see if we can get him out of there.
She looked around for a treat for the terrified cat. A small piece of bacon, perhaps.
She got down on all fours in front of the cupboard.
- Hey, kitty kitty kitty… this is really yummy. Come on, little one!
Her cooing voice and the delicious smell of bacon calmed the scared kitten. When Siegfried entered the kitchen, looking for his reluctant patient, Audrey was holding the little fur ball in her arms.
- I say! Well done, Mrs Hall! I’m impressed! You have a really good hand with animals. Maybe you could give me a hand with this scallywag, it would be easier to sedate him.
Audrey followed Siegfried into the examination room, petting and mumbling calming words to the cat that was now purring. She gently put it down on the table where Siegfried was prepared to sedate it. Within a few seconds it was asleep. Audrey watched as Siegfried with gentle hands got ready for the operation, carefully shaving the cat’s genitals.
- I hope you’re not squeamish, he said, sterilising thoroughly before taking the scalpel to perform the procedure.
- No, I’m alright.
No time like the present, Audrey thought to herself.
- But I wanted to talk to you about something.
- Yeees…
Siegfried was working under deep concentration. How should she start? She realised how badly she wanted to stay in this house. She took a deep breath. Braced herself.
- Mr Farnon, you haven’t yet seen any references from my last employer, I have to tell you that…
- Not interested. You have already proven yourself more than competent for this position. I couldn’t give a damn about what anyone you have worked for before, has written on a piece of paper. Was it anything else?
Audrey was baffled. Really!? That easy?
- N-no…
- Good! And if you agree, I’d say that the probationary period is done by now. I don’t need any more time to see that your work here is more than satisfactory.
- Thank you, mr Farnon. I won’t mind staying.
- Good! Then I’ll just stitch this little lad together. And than you could maybe put him back in the shed? The owner will pick him up later this afternoon. I really would like to get a head start for Brawton. Looks like it’s going to start snowing again.
- I’ll have some lunch ready when you get back. And…
- Yes?
- What about Christmas?
- Yes, what about it? Would you like some days off? That’s alright, Tris and I can eat at the Drover’s. He will probably spend most of his time there anyway.
- No, not at all. I can stay, she said.
Because I have nowhere else to go, she thought.
- No, I was wondering.. should I get a goose?
- No. No goose. Nothing that resembles Christmas in this house. You can cook whatever you like. Except goose. Or turkey. I…
He gently lifted the sleeping cat and placed it in her arms. Before she knew it he was out of the room. With careful steps, not to hurt the newly operated, she followed him to the kitchen. He went out of the back door without a word. She saw the car disappear on the snowy street when she looked out of the window.
It didn’t feel right to let the cat wake up in the cold shed. Instead she put it on her bed and wrapped a blanket around it. Now she could keep an eye on it. But first some tidying of Tristan’s room. And she had to bake some short bread. Did she remember to pack her biscuit stamp when she hurried off from the Granville’s? She searched through her still unpacked suitcase and yes! There it was! Together with her old recipe book. Her hand turned against a glass bottle, what was that? Ah, her beloved bath salt jar! She hadn’t left it behind, here it was! She opened the lid and sniffed at the content. Violet! If she hurried, she might have time for a quick bath before the gentlemen would be back. How lovely.

Chapter Text

At half past one a shepherd’s pie was almost ready in the oven, Tristan’s bedroom was nice and tidy and the bed had clean sheets. Audrey was setting the table with two plates and cutlery, unsure if it would be appropriate for her to eat with the two brothers. Probably not. Another thing when it was just mr Farnon and herself. She had managed a twenty minutes long soak in the tub and her body felt clean, warm and relaxed. Little Smokey was beginning to wake up and had licked a few drops of cream from her fingers. Jess had for the first time since Audrey came, left her side and was now sleeping in front of the fireplace in the sitting room. Keeping away from that horrible little grey thing.
Suddenly he started barking and seconds later Audrey heard the front door open and two male voices. Where they arguing?
Tristan Farnon strutted into the kitchen with a happy Jess dancing around his feet. He was tall and slim, taller than his brother and much younger than Audrey had expected, probably around twenty. His blond, curly hair was carelessly slicked back and he had a big smile on his face as he gazed with curiosity on his brother’s new housekeeper.
- So you are Mrs Hall! I can’t say how happy I am to meet you! I’ve heard that you’ve performed miracles around this house in only two days! I just hope my brother doesn’t scare you off with all his quirks and mood swings.
- Welcome home, mr Farnon! And please be seated, I hope you’re hungry?
- Oh, I could eat a horse or two! It smells delicious! Is there an ale by any chance?
Audrey went into the larder to get two beers.
- Get one for yourself too, Mrs H, Tristan shouted.
When she came back, he had fetched another plate and glass for her.
- You really must eat with us, Mrs H. The girls that used to work here in earlier days, where always eating with the family. Evelyn… my late sister in law, wouldn’t have it any other way. She was from a quite fine family but wasn’t the least posh. She was great.
- So I understand.
Siegfried entered the room, looking annoyed in a way that Audrey hadn’t seen before. Silently he sat down at the table. Audrey opened the hatch of the Aga and pulled out the steaming shepherd’s pie.
- I’m famished!
Tristan scooped up a big pile of pie on his plate and dug in at once. Audrey smiled, nothing was like a young man’s appetite. It reminded her of Edward before everything went wrong. Or Robert. When they were very young. Siegfried was eating but not with the same enthusiasm as before. He sat silent while Tristan was jabbering about this and that, asking her all about Scarborough. He soon found out that she was a wren during the war – and didn’t the elder mr Farnon look a little impressed? Tristan was so nice, so charming. It was impossible not to like him.
- So I hear you are studying to be a vet, you too?
- Yes, Edinburgh uni veterinary college. First year. Working really hard!
He smiled mischievously, his blue eyes sparkling.
- Working hard indeed, said Siegfried. Not one passed exam in six months! But all the more close examinations of the university pubs. And the local beauties, I presume.
- Oh come on, it’s been a lot this fall. It hasn’t been easy, not for me either. Some understanding and brotherly consideration, please?
- Yes, it’s always much worse for you, isn’t it? Whatever happens, you must always be pitted.
Siegfried wiped his mouth, mumbled “Thank you, Mrs Hall”, rose from the table and left the kitchen.
Tristan sighed and shook his head.
- I’m really sorry, Mrs H. My brother has a tendency to blow a fuse as soon as he sees me. These last six months hasn’t made our relationship any better.
They heard the slam of the front door.
- And Siegfried Farnon has left the building, steaming of anger over his hopeless little brother.
Tristan sighed. He looked sad.
Audrey put her hand over his.
- Oh, I’m so sorry. I know that he lost his wife recently. I have only been here for two days, but I can see that he is grieving deeply.
- Do you have children, Mrs Hall?
- Yes, I have a son. He’s a few years younger than you. Fourteen. But… we don’t have much contact right now. He is angry with me.
Tristan sighed again.
- He should be happy that his mum is alive. Mine died when I was little. And father when I was thirteen. So I moved here. Evelyn took care of me, she stepped in as a mother. She was wonderful! So nice and caring. And funny! I loved her! But Siegfried… I just can’t do right by him. He is always on my neck. Well, anyway… is there any more pie? Some day you just have to teach me how to make this dish! Best I ever had!
Audrey smiled and handed him the pan. Another big pile on his plate.
- So Mrs H.. I hope you’ll be able to put up with my brother. He has his good sides, I guess. Not showing them off that often, though. Where are you staying? At mrs Micklethwaite’s across the square? Mrs Smith stayed there. She came here when Evelyn started to be really sick and couldn’t manage the household. She was ok. But she didn’t cook as good as you. She wasn’t as nice either. Guess she left after the funeral.
He munched joyfully as he was talking.
- I’m staying in the room by the back door.
She nodded towards the corner of of the kitchen.
He stopped eating and looked at her with disbelief.
- That ghastly little pigeon hole!
- The stove isn’t working but apart from that it’s alright. I’ve asked Mr Farnon to…
- That stove hasn’t been working since Siegfried and Evelyn moved here. Probably not even before that. No one has ever slept in there. Except me, occasionally, when I got home very late after a fun night at the Drover’s and I didn’t want to risk awakening the whole house. The bed is awful! You would sleep better on a nail mat!
Audrey’s back was still a bit sore after two nights on that bed and she couldn’t argue against him.
- Don’t worry, Mrs H, I’ll talk to my brother when he has calmed down a bit.
He stuffed the last piece of pie in his mouth, thanked her with a big smile, went out of the kitchen and upstairs to his room.

Chapter Text

An hour later the elder brother Farnon was back after a long, brisk walk in the snow with Jess. The pup stormed into the kitchen with wet and dirty paws and Audrey quickly got hold of him and dried him off with a towel.
- Smokey’s owner was here to pick him up some minutes ago.
- Good, good. And was the kitten awake?
- Yes, I gave him a saucer of cream. He seemed alright. A little dizzy, perhaps.
- Totally normal after the anaesthetics.
Was he still angry? Audrey perused his face as he sat down by the table.
- A cuppa after the walk? I have baked some short bread.
- That sounds really lovely, Mrs Hall.
- I’ll put on a brew.
She poured water into the kettle and put it on the Aga. Already her best friend in this kitchen. Prepared the green enamel teapot and took out some freshly baked short bread from the biscuit tin.
- I’m really sorry that you had to witness that quarrel between my brother and I. He is extremely talented, so bright! And he is just wasting it away. Not a serious thought in his mind. He was quite young when our father passed and I have been taking care of him ever since.
- Yes, he told me.
- He is just incredibly ungrateful! I’m paying for his education, hoping that we one day could be partners here! But he is spending all of his time having fun.
- Maybe it isn’t as simple as that. I’m guessing his carefree life could be a way to distance himself from sorrows and grief. Can’t be easy to loose both of your parents at such a young age.
Audrey paused. That was probably not the wisest thing to say to her new employer. Why couldn’t she ever keep her mouth shut. But Siegfried just nodded.
- Yes, you are probably right. Tris was very fond of …my late wife. She would always defend him too. Now that she is… I don’t know how to deal with him. Haven’t got a clue, actually.
- He is a young man, trying to find his way in life. It’s not easy, I remember… well, I guess it was quite different when we were at that age. I was nineteen when the big war started.
She put the turquoise tea cups on the table and checked the kettle.
- And you served as a wren?
- Yes. Joined in 1917 when it started, Women’s Royal Naval Service, worked as a telegraphist. Got my stripes in January 1918. Made my service on the HMS Cheltenham.
He was definitely impressed. Smiled and saluted her.
- Army Veterinary Corps. Belgium.
A warm feeling went through Audrey’s chest. Such a long time ago since she felt that proudness. So many bad things had happened since her time as a wren. She had been humiliated, even abused. She had fled for her life. In a way she was still struggling to get her sense of dignity back. The admiration in mr Farnon’s eyes gave her a feeling of restoration.
- I met some wrens on my way back from Belgium, he said. They were not to be trifled with, he smiled.
- My father was seriously injured at the air raid against Scarborough in 1914. He was a civilian, worked in the docks. It seemed like a natural thing, to take part in the war effort.
- Understandable.
Audrey got up, fetched the kettle and poured the steaming hot water over the tea leaves, stirred with a spoon.
Tristan, who had been resting on the sofa in the sitting room, solving today’s crossword in the paper, strolled in, sniffing the Earl Grey aromas.
- Mmmm, home baked short bread!
He grabbed one and put rapidly into his mouth.
- Mmmm, o my god! You are no less than a genius in the kitchen, Mrs H!
Audrey poured tea in the three teacups and placed the milk jug and the sugar bowl on the table. Tristan poured four tea spoons of sugar in his tea.
- How can you drink it like that, said Siegfried. You can’t possibly taste anything of the tea with all that sugar.
Please don’t start again, Audrey thought. Leave the poor boy alone.
And maybe the message got through. Mr Farnon looked at her for a moment and then went silent.
Tristan was already chewing happily on his third short bread.
- What is it I hear, Siegfried, are you letting the poor hardworking Mrs Hall sleep in that horrible room?
He nodded towards Audrey’s room.
- Why can’t she have Muriel’s room upstairs? It’s filled with garbage but it’s a much better place. And warm!
- Muriel’s room?, said Audrey.
- Muriel was the daughter of the former owner on this house, Siegfried replied.
- I used to stay there before I moved here, when father and I were visiting. Didn’t like it though, it was very much a girl’s room, he laughed.
- Well, if Mrs Hall doesn’t object to living in a girl’s room, I certainly won’t, said Siegfried. But there is a whole lot of things in there, we have been using it as a storage room for years.
- Oh, I’ll help you, Mrs H!
That warm feeling again. It filled her chest. Her whole body.
- Thank you, Tristan!

Muriel’s room. When Audrey looked into it yesterday, she had only seen all the boxes and random loose objects that filled every inch of the floor. When she and Tristan started to clear out all the things that weren’t supposed to be there, she realised what a nice room it was. A yellow wallpaper with a pattern of small rural houses and trees. Like a French landscape. Or maybe was this how the Yorkshire Dales looked in the summer? She sent a quick prayer to the Lord that she would be here long enough to find out.
She took down the dusty lace curtains in the big window, facing the small garden at back of the house, and put them in the sink to soak. Tristan carried all the boxes up to the attic, Audrey followed him up the stairs to take a look at that part of the house. The second floor was actually a small bedsit with a kitchenette and a small bathroom. It was obvious that no one had lived there for years but Audrey could see that it was a really cosy little flat.
- Siegfried had an assistant some years ago, he lived here. It didn’t work out, though. I don’t know any details, but I’m not surprised, said Tristan.
- It’s a nice little nook. I think I’ll clear it out when I have the time.
After two hours of carrying boxes, sweeping, dusting, scrubbing and rearranging the furniture, Audrey moved her few things from the cold room by the kitchen to her new domain. The mattress in the old shiny brass bed was soft and not the least knobbly. She put her alarm clock on the bedside table and started to unpack her suitcase. The skirts, blouses and pinnies for work went into the small wardrobe together with two Sunday dresses and her skirt suite. Underwear, wool and rayon stockings, cardigans in a drawer. A pile of books, some photos of her parents and of Edward, the Bible. She had left most of her belongings when she left her home that frightful night four years ago. This was all that was left.
At the bottom of the suitcase, wrapped in paper, was the gorgeous dress that Dorothy had given her. She took it out and held it in front of her, looking at herself in the mirror of the beautiful dressing table in polished mahogany. Such a lovely dress! It was embroidered with glimmering rhinestones and had a fringe of glass pearls on the skirt. But when would she ever wear it? It was also quite out of fashion with its straight cut and low waistline. Nowadays the gowns were supposed to be more tailored and show the curves of the body.
- If you had any, Audrey sighed to herself.
Maybe the good food and the fresh air would give her some appetite. Everything had actually tasted so much better since she came here. But she would never have such an exquisite figure as Dorothy. She would flaunt it in her elegant, perfectly tailored dresses. Men always turned their heads when she came along. And she could flirt! Audrey recalled a long line of suitors, struggling to get close to her beautiful friend. And Dorothy would encourage them for a while, wine and dine with them and then say goodbye. She was as free as a bird and would probably never settle down. She had a daughter in the same age as Edward that she had raised on her own. Not for one second did she care about what people were saying about that.

The last thing Audrey unpacked was a small bottle of eau de cologne 4711 that she almost never used. She put it on the dressing table together with her hair brush and a tin box with bobby pins. She imagined young Muriel sitting at that same stool, powdering her face and brushing her lovely auburn curls. Not that she knew what she had looked like. And this mirror would probably never see her, Audrey Hall from Scarborough, brushing any silky curls and making herself beautiful. That was not for her. She looked around the room. It was really nice and comfortable now! Maybe a few pictures on the wall, a couple of flower pots in the window. Whenever she got around to it.
There was a knock on the door.
- Yes?
Siegfried, who had been out on a house call, was now back and looked around the room.
- It seems much bigger, now that all the garbage is gone. Will this be sufficient?
- Oh yes, thank you very much! It’s really nice. I haven’t stayed in a room as nice as this in a very long time.
- Good. Good! That’s settled then.
He smiled and closed the door.
She would really enjoy living here. A nice room of her own. A home.

Chapter Text

Late at night on the 22nd of December, Siegfried parked the car at the back of the house, he had been out to one of the farms quite far away from Darrowby and was very tired after a full day’s work and the long drive home. The kitchen windows were dark. What time was it? A quarter past one. Mrs Hall would have gone to bed by now, pity. It would have been nice to have a chat with her before turning in. It had become a habit to sit by the kitchen table in the evening and talk about what had happened during the day. She started to get to know the people of the town and it was quite fun to hear her opinions about them. Her mind was sharp and her sense of humour spot on. He still didn’t know much about her, though. She would talk about her days as a wren and they shared a lot of wartime memories, but when he asked about her life after the war, she would just avoid the question, saying there wasn’t much to tell. A wedding ring on her left hand. But not wanting to go home for Christmas.
Their evening talks was something he was looking forward to and he found himself quite disappointed when he realised it was too late this night. Tristan was probably still out with friends. He spent the days on the sofa in the sitting room and the nights at the Drover’s. When it closed, he would go on drinking elsewhere with the local youth, impressing them with stories about life in the big city of Edinburgh. He would come home quite some time after midnight and then sleep until noon the next day.
There were some arguing between the brothers, but a sharp eye from Mrs Hall would calm things down. Siegfried had no idea how she did it, but it worked.
He opened the back door and stepped into the kitchen, pulled off his wellies and the heavy tweed coat, careful not to stain the perfectly clean kitchen floor. Everything looked nice and tidy. A table cloth on the table, a pot with some hyacinths and a bowl with walnuts. Warm and homely. Like it used to be, when Evelyn was alive and well. But her desk and sewing machine was still untouched. Piles of papers, unfinished needle work, socks that needed darning were still scattered around the workplace. Maybe he should try to find some courage and clear it out, Mrs Hall would need a place to write letters and things like that. But then he saw her to himself: Evelyn at the desk, her blond head tilted over the household books, and the pain was as bad as ever. It would have to wait.

He went into the sitting room, poured himself a whisky and downed it in two big gulps. Tomorrow Christmas Eve. Let’s hope that there would be a lot of work to keep his mind occupied. Two years ago Christmas was lovely. Lots of people coming to their open house, drinking and eating. Then, when all the people had gone home, they attended the midnight mass together in church, Evelyn and him.
Never again. Not ever would he want to celebrate this horrible holiday. Not without her. And not with the memories of last year’s events.
He put the glass back on the table. Then changed his mind and carried it into the kitchen to put it in the sink. Walked upstairs and began to prepare himself for bed. When he came back from the bathroom a few minutes later, he heard a faint sound. At first he couldn’t locate it. But then he realised it was coming from the housekeeper’s room. He took a few steps closer to the door and listened carefully.
Silent sobs.
He stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. Knock? Or just enter? No, that would be inappropriate. He couldn’t do that. Not intrude.
What kind of burdens was she carrying, this strong, efficient, very professional housekeeper? What had happened to her that she wouldn’t talk about?
After a while the sobbing subsided. Siegfried went back to his room, very quietly. And as he was falling asleep, for once he didn’t think about his own grief. Another woman, with blue eyes instead of brown and a deep wrinkle between them, was occupying his mind.

He had his wish granted. Christmas Eve came with a lot of work. A cow with milk fever, a lame horse and all other sorts of injuries and sicknesses had him driving back and forth on the slippery winter roads from dusk until dawn. Not a minute to think about sad memories.

When Siegfried left the house for his fourth house call, Audrey put on a brew and called for Tristan. He was napping in his room after a quite late night, but dragged himself out of bed as he heard her voice from downstairs.
- Mr Farnon has been very careful to point out that he doesn’t want any kind of Christmas food or the likes, Audrey said as Tristan entered the kitchen. But I couldn’t help myself, I had to at least make some mince pies and a log cake.
She made a gesture to make him sit down, poured him some tea and fetched the overflowing cake plate from the larder.
Tristan’s eyes widened as he saw the delights.
- Mrs H, I must already have gained ten pounds just in these days!
She chuckled when he reached for a mince pie and stuffed his mouth with it, then chewed with a blissful smile and groaned of delight.
- Mmmm, delicious! Really! Best mince pie I ever had!
Audrey tasted one as well, and yes, they had turned out just as she wanted them.
- My landlady in Edinburgh isn’t very talented when it comes to cooking, Tristan said. Quite often I eat at the local instead. And I wouldn’t say that pub food is the most nutritious thing you could eat. I’m guessing the ale contains more vitamins than the food. Maybe I should just stick to drinking.
They laughed.
- When are you going back?
- After New Year’s. Not very keen… a lot of studying to make up for. Couldn’t really concentrate last autumn. Kept thinking on what was going on here.
- Of course you did. Worrying about your brother.
- I was! He wouldn’t believe it, but I actually was! Evelyn died in the last week of July. It was… horrible. Siegfried was totally quiet. He didn’t say a word. Not to me, not to anyone. After the funeral he just wanted to get rid of me, he sent me to some relatives in Scotland some weeks before the semester started. I wrote some letters but he didn’t answer. I actually thought he might… do something to himself. Eventually I got a letter, inquiring about my studies. Just that, nothing else. It was a relief but at the same time I got so angry. Why didn’t he care about me?
The young man’s eyes filled up with tears. It almost broke Audrey’s heart to see how small and lost he seemed. He was nineteen years old, a grown man’s body but with the heart of a little boy. If she could just hug him. She put her hands over his.
- I am sure that your brother cares about you. I haven’t know him more than a few days, but the one thing I’ve learned is that he has a very loving heart. Even though he’s trying hard to hide it. Otherwise he wouldn’t mourn the way he does. But you are grieving too! Evelyn was your foster mother. Of course you miss her tremendously.
Tristan nodded and wiped away the tears from his eyes.
- I really want to become a vet. To make Siegfried proud. But when I try, when I work really hard to show him that I’m serious, he hardly acknowledges it. It has always been like that, from when I was thirteen and moved here. So it seems rather pointless to even try.
- Well, it isn’t too late to start over. Try to work hard when you get back. It’s a privilege to get an education. Take your exams, not to make him proud, but yourself. I’m sure he will come around.
- Well, if anyone can make him turn a leaf, it would be you, Mrs H. I can’t say how happy I am that you are here. From what I’ve heard there have been several housekeepers since I left. I can’t blame them for not putting up with him. I don’t know how you’re doing it, but it seems like you’re more patient than most people. And that you see something else in him than the tantrums and the grumpiness.
- I think I do. And I’ll be sure to pack you some really good food when you are going back to Scotland. It won’t last the entire semester, but at least the beginning.
- Thank you Mrs H, you are really smashing!
Audrey couldn’t help herself. When Tristan rose from the table and thanked her for the yummy pastries, she gave him a big hug. And the boy hugged her back.
He missed a mother. Two actually. And she missed a son.

Chapter Text

Audrey was quite moved by the talk she had with Tristan. It had been an odd day. It actually started already last night when she went to bed. She was finally done with all the thorough cleaning of the house, she had even done the windows. The pale winter sun was now painting the rooms in golden colours. She loved every little detail about this place. The small built in shelves here and there, the wallpapers, the furniture, the carpets, the china.. and most of all the kitchen. As she was lying in her beautiful old fashioned brass bed, a little too tired to be able to sleep, she realised that she could take it easy tomorrow. Maybe go for a long walk with Jess if the weather allowed. It was a privilege as a housekeeper to dispose her time as she wished, mr Farnon had been totally clear about that. The meals on fixed times. But everything else she could plan and do as she wanted. She had heard him coming home quite late. She pondered if she should get up and ask if he needed anything. But then she heard his footsteps in the stairs after just a few minutes, he was on his way to bed. No need. And suddenly a great sadness came over her. She was here, many miles away from the place she once had called home. Taking care of these two men that she wasn’t related to, she hadn’t even known them for more than a few days. Shouldn’t she be back home, taking care of her own husband and son? She would have done anything for them. She still loved them. Edward of course, she was his mother. But also Robert. She was scared of him, but she still loved him. Why did he hate her so much? The ice cold look Edward had given her as he was taken out of the court room. Was she doomed to only get hatred back from those she loved?
Tears started flowing and she held on to her pillow, pressing it against her face so that the sobbing wouldn’t be heard outside of her room.
Eventually, still crying, she drifted off.

She could still feel the lack of sleep as she set the dining room table on Christmas Eve. An “ordinary “ meal, nothing christmassy. She had seen lovely holiday decorations in the boxes as they cleared out her room. Oh, how she wanted to go loose on them. But no. Maybe if she still was here next year. But she didn’t dare to think as far ahead.

An ordinary dinner that just happened to take place at Christmas Eve. No problem, she could do that.

It was a very quite meal. Normally Tristan would talk more or less constantly, Audrey would answer and Siegfried would be silent most of the time. He was much more talkative when it was just the two of them. Audrey kept thinking that he maybe didn’t know how to talk to his brother when they weren’t arguing. As if the burden of being a father to his little brother was weighing so heavily on him that he had lost his ability to normal conversation. There was no room for the brotherly side of it.
But the silence at the table was actually quite nice it’s evening. No underlying tensions, just restful. By pudding the brothers started a quiet conversation about people in the neighbourhood. Audrey listened to them for a while and then started to clear the table. When she was done with the dishes, Siegfried popped his head into the kitchen and said that they were going the Drover’s, would she like to join them? But she shook her head.
- Do you know if there is a midnight mass in church tonight?
- I suppose, there usually is.
- Ok, good night then. Have nice time at the pub.
He nodded, put on his hat and disappeared out.

Audrey made herself a brew, put a few more logs into the fireplace in the sitting room, turned on the wireless and listened to Christmas music while sipping her tea and petting Jess, snuggled up beside her on the couch. She really hoped that the ceasefire between the brothers was still ongoing. If they only could find their way back to each other. They needed each other so much.

Of course she nodded off.
When she woke up at a quarter past eleven , her neck was stiff and she was a bit lightheaded. But she got up, brushed her hair and put on her finest hat and coat. She hadn’t been to church yet in Darrowby, she was looking forward to it.

The little stone church was very old with romanesque arches. Candlesticks with long flickering candles in the deep windowsills, decorations of holly. Happy faces wishing each other a merry Christmas. The holiday spirit made Audrey smile. She was given a hymn book by the church warden, looked around and found a free spot in one of the benches at the back of the church.
Why didn’t I bring an extra shawl or something, she thought to herself. It was almost as cold as outside. A few benches in front of her she could see Alice, the first person she met here in Darrowby. The nice post lady turned around, waved and mimed Merry Christmas to her. Audrey whispered the same greeting back. It was a nice gesture, made her feel at home. Safe.
It had always been a natural thing in her life to believe in God. That was the way she had been brought up. And during those horrible last years with Robert, her faith was her only comfort, she wouldn’t have survived without it.
The organ tuned up and Audrey found the right number in the hymn book. O come all ye faithful, own of her favourites. She rose together with the rest of the congregation and started singing.

Siegfried left the Drover’s at half past eleven. Alcohol wasn’t served later than ten thirty but the pub was still quite crowded. He could see small bottles being passed around, the liquid a bit warm from the pockets where they had been hidden. Tristan was caught in a vivid conversation with some lads in his own age. The evening had been nice, Siegfried was quite content with the fact that he had been able to grab a pint with his little brother without any drama. They had been talking about the vet college in Edinburgh where also Siegfried had been studying, comparing the studies – and the social life - of the uni now and twenty years ago.
But as Tristan started talking to his friends, Siegfried felt tired. He said good night and went outside. Maybe he could interest Mrs Hall in a night cap. But wait a minute, she said something about church. He looked at his watch, the midnight’s mass had probably just started. Without thinking he changed his path and started walking towards the church instead.
He saw her at once as he entered, she was standing in one of the last benches. If they squeezed there would probably be room enough for him too.
Audrey turned her head when she suddenly heard a beautiful, steady tenor voice right behind her. Mr Farnon was a really good singer! She smiled at him and took a step further into the bench, making room. They sat down as the hymn was over and listened to the vicar.
Siegfried was totally still for a moment. Enjoyed the calmness of the ancient building, the scent of incense and the warmth from Mrs Halls shoulder beside him. He had always loved singing. Back in his days as a vet student, he was the member of several choirs and musical societies. He played some piano too, loved doing it but wasn’t at all as good as Evelyn had been. She would accompany him in songs from operettas by Gilbert and Sullivan or in old folk songs.
Evelyn.
He suddenly realised that he hadn’t thought about her for quite some time, maybe an hour or more. A slight feeling of panic started growing inside of him. Like as if he had lost his sense of balance. He looked around. The church room seemed twisted and the sudden feeling of dizziness made him grab the bench in front of him. Sweat broke out on his forehead. He gasped for air.
Audrey immediately noticed that something was wrong.
- Are you alright, she whispered.
He nodded but couldn’t answer. The room wouldn’t stop spinning.
- Breath slowly.
She took his hand in a firm grip, placed the other one on his back and, still whispering, began to show him.
- In…… and out, in …. And out… deep breaths… there you go, Mr Farnon.
He squeezed her hand and tried to follow her steady voice, forced the oxygen further down to the bottom his lungs under her solid guidance. Slowly the arches of the old church regained their stability.
After a few minutes the panic attack was over and he began to relax.
- Thank you, he whispered, grateful that he was able to talk again.
As the next hymn started, mr Farnon was breathing normally again. Gently she let go of his hand and opened the hymn book. The warm hand on his back also disappeared and began to browse the thin pages to find the right number.
- The first Nowel the angels did say..
Siegfried missed her hands but looked in the book that she held in front of him.
- Was to certain poor shepherds in field as they lay..
The grief came over him, more demanding and overwhelming than ever. He felt like he had lost his footing, as if all those endless days and nights since Evelyn’s passing hadn’t moved him forward one bit. He was back on square one.
Tears were falling down, he couldn’t see the text but he new it by heart.
- In fields where they lay keeping their sheep, on a cold winter’s night that was so deep.
Audrey discretely handed him her handkerchief and he rapidly wiped his face, in vain trying to compose himself.
- Nowel, Nowel, Nowel, Nowel, born is the king of Israel.

Chapter Text

After the service they walked slowly together back home to Skeldale house. Siegfried was still very shaken but had at least on the surface calmed down. The big black ghost of grief was however more intense than ever.
- I’m sorry, said Siegfried, I don’t know what came over me.
- That’s alright. Grief can take many forms. Just glad if I could be of some help.
- Oh yes, very much so! Thank you, Mrs Hall, you seem to have some experience in the field.
- We had to take care of a lot of soldiers with shell shock in the wrens. The only way is to breathe deep and slowly.
- Ah, yes, I did of course see the effect of shell shock too. Both in men and horses. I would know how to make an animal calm. But humans…
- Humans are much more complicated..
- Hear hear..
They walked in silence until they reached the front door of Skeldale house.
- Can I interest you in a night cap, Mrs Hall?
A part of her wanted to go straight to bed, she was very tired. But the events in the church had made her quite shaken too. She had of course recognised Mr Farnon’s symptoms at once, but she didn’t know the health record of her employer, it might also have been a heart attack. Audrey, having watched her new employer quite closely for a week, had the notion that Mr Farnon was locked up in his mourning. Five months was of course quite a short time in the perspective of loosing a spouse, but she feared that if he didn’t start to move ahead soon, his health would suffer. So maybe it would do him good if he could talk about it. It might help.

Jess greeted them happily, Siegfried took her out for a short walk while Audrey put some more logs into the fire and the sat down in front of it. Siegfried returned with the pup ten minutes later and the cheerful little dog immediately jumped up to cuddle with Audrey, putting that fluffy little head on her lap. Siegfried poured two glasses of sherry and sat down at the other side of the couch.
After a long silence, where she nearly fell asleep, he started talking.
- I dream about her every night. Nightmares, where I run with her in my arms, desperately looking for help. She’s just as tiny and weak as she was the last months. Sometimes I can hear her crying for help, but I can’t find her. But the worst dreams and not the nightmares. It is when everything is at it was before. We’re here in the house, working, living our lives. She is strong and healthy. When I go to the kitchen she is there, smiling. Making dinner. Washing. Teasing me about something. And when I wake up, she’s gone. And I have to go through it all again.
He hid his face in his palms. Audrey put her hand on his shoulder. He grasped it and held it a second between his hands, then let it go.
- We met when I had my first work as an assistant vet here in Yorkshire. She was the daughter of one of the estate owners in the area. He had a big stable of beautiful thoroughbred horses and I was called in when her favourite, Glenda, had been injured in a hunt. She was such a good horse woman, born in the saddle, it seemed. She asked me if I would like to go riding with her and I couldn’t believe my luck.
He smiled at the memory.
- I’ve seen her photo. She was very beautiful.
- Yes, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen! I think I fell in love with her in literally two seconds. The most incomprehensible part was that she actually wanted me! An assistant veterinary with no money or pedigree. She could have had anyone of the younger gentlemen in Yorkshire. Or in England. She was a few years younger than me and the family wanted her to do a season in London, but she of course refused. Instead she went travelling in Europe for a year. I was quite sure that I would never see her again. Or that she would be back with a posh French or Italian husband. Obviously devastatingly handsome. With olive skin..
- And the most charming accent…
They shared a quiet laugh.
- After a year she was back. One day in May she just turned up. I was up on the estate where she lived, had just delivered a foal and was covered in dirt and blood when I came out of the stables. And there she was on her lovely black Arabian, more beautiful than ever.
Will you marry me, Siegfried Farnon, she shouted.
Audrey smiled.
- She proposed? What a bold girl!
- The family weren’t thrilled. But she had her way with them. We were married in the church in Brawton and I could, with some help from my father, buy this house from a vet who was about to retire. I took over the practice and she was very much a part of building it up. Helped me with everything, took care of the house, engaged herself in the society. I’d say it was actually her doing that I gained the trust of the people around here as quickly as I did.
He went silent again, lost in memories. There were so many things Audrey wanted to ask him. But it was like treading on thin ice. If she said the wrong thing he would probably go silent again. Siegfried rose and fetched the sherry bottle, refilled their glasses and put another log on the fire. So he will go on then, Audrey thought to herself.
- Evelyn was the daughter of a gentleman. But she was totally uninterested in all kinds of manifestations of class. She would talk to the farmers and the town people as an equal. When our father died and Tris came to live here, she took him in as her on brother. Or as a son, to be honest. As I told you the other day.
- Tristan misses Evelyn very much..
Her words made Siegfried’s eyes tear up again. Damn it. He hadn’t cried since it happened. But tonight he couldn’t hold it back. He wiped his eyes with the backside of his hand.
- Maybe I’m unfair to him. But I made a promise to our dying father that I would take care of him. Make the best out of him. And that responsibility in really…
His hands collapsed on his lap in a resigned gesture. He was lost in thoughts again. Silence fell. Audrey leaned her head against the backrest of the sofa and had almost drifted off when he began to speak again. His voice was now intense. Vibrating of emotions.
- A year ago we didn’t even know. Evelyn had been working her fingers to the bone preparing for our annual open house on Christmas Eve. She hadn’t been feeling well for some time, tired and nauseated. At first we thought she was pregnant. But that wasn’t the case and the doctor just said that she was overworked and needed to rest.
He paused for a minute. Closed his eyes. The memories were still so horribly clear.
- The house was full of people.. Mulled wine and mince pies. I was dressed up as Father Christmas, giving out sweets to the children, when our help, Brenda, came to me and said that Evelyn was feeling poorly. I went upstairs and found her lying on the bathroom floor. She was as pale as a ghost, throwing up blood.
He stopped to breathe for a while, his windpipe being all tight. With the strength of his willpower, he forced the the air back into his lungs.
- I carried her out to the car and drove to the hospital. She tried to make me calm down, but even though I don’t know much about human medicine, I knew that this was really bad. We spent Christmas in hospital and soon found out that there wasn’t much to do. The cancer was aggressive and had gone too far already. She begged me to take her home. I didn’t want to, the best care would be at the hospital. But she wanted to be here, in her beloved home. So I hired a nurse and a housekeeper to keep things going. Worked as much as I could to be able to pay for everything and spent the rest of the time with Evelyn. I would tuck her in here on this sofa every evening. She was always cold, as she grew thinner and thinner. We would listen to music and talk. Towards the end, when her pains took over, she would say that if she had been a horse, I would have put her out of her misery long time ago. How could I let her suffer like she did?
Tears were falling down from Audrey’s eyes too.
Siegfried’s voice was calmer as he continued.
- She died in my arms in our bedroom. The 27th of July, early in the morning. The sun had just gone up. Everything was still. She just stopped breathing. It was over. Her pains were gone. I opened the window to let her soul out. It was…
He couldn’t finish the sentence. He was done. The story of his beloved wife had come to it’s end and he felt just as empty as the day it happened. He was vaguely aware that there was someone sitting beside him. A hand on top of his. He didn’t know who it was and he didn’t care. But it was a comfort.

Audrey woke up several hours later. Her neck was stiff and she could hardly move. In the other corner of the sofa Mr Farnon was fast asleep, his face still dark of sorrows, even in his unconscious state. Jess was lying on the floor in front of them. Audrey stretched and got up with some difficulty, careful not to wake her employer. Echoes of his story about Evelyn was still floating around in her mind. That poor, poor man. She spread a blanket over him, placed her hand on his cheek for a second and then went upstairs. The door to Siegfried’s bedroom was ajar and she couldn’t help herself. She opened it and looked at the bed that she herself had made only last morning. Not knowing what Evelyn had taken her last breath there. She closed it carefully and went in to her own bedroom. Within a minute she was asleep again..

Chapter Text

Christmas Day came to Skeldale house without stockings filled with sweets and no presents under a tree. The three residents were all quite tired after last night’s events. Tristan had fallen asleep at his friend’s house and sneaked back home in the morning, quite convinced that his brother would sit on the sofa, waiting for him. Being quiet cross. Siegfried was actually in that exact spot in the sitting room as he peaked in. But fast asleep under a blanket.
Audrey woke up at nine. Heavens, she had forgotten to set the alarm clock! Were the men eagerly waiting for breakfast downstairs? But the house was blissfully silent. She could hear snoring from both bedrooms as she went out in the hallway. They were both at home, safe and sound, it seemed. Thank the Lord. She desperately wanted a warm bath to soften her still aching back. Maybe she could get a good soak before they woke up.

An hour later breakfast was on the table. Audrey felt much better after the bath. The warm water and the violet bath salt had done its work. Thank God for the modern water heater. In her last workplace she had carried many buckets of hot water from the kitchen to the tub when her mistress wanted a bath. She never bathed herself when she worked there. It wasn’t worth the effort.
Now she felt warm and clean. She spent a few minutes putting curlers in her newly washed hair. After breakfast she would change from tweed skirt and pinny to one of her Sunday dresses. The brown one with turquoise pattern. It was after all Christmas Day, even if they weren’t celebrating.

Siegfried woke up by the smell of coffee. He had a vague memory of waking up on the sofa as he heard Tristan stumbling up the stairs. He had no idea what time it was, being still knocked out. He had dragged himself to his bedroom, gotten out of his clothes and into his bed, barely awake.
What time was it now? 10.30!
He had that feeling again. That something was different. Slowly the memories from last night came back. He had almost made a fool out of himself at the midnight mass. Mrs Hall had saved him from the disgrace. And then he had told her everything about Evelyn.
Maybe just as well. He had never thought he would talk about his beloved wife like that with anyone. But maybe it was just as well.
It smelled really good from downstairs. He hurried up and got dressed. He was actually famished.

Tristan woke up with a splitting headache. He had had a great time last night and now he was paying the price. He could hear Mrs H and Siegfried talking downstairs, he’d better get up before his brother started yelling at him again. They had a really good time yesterday at the Drover’s. Tristan had never heard any of Siegfried’s stories about his time in Edinburgh. For the first time they had actually been like two brothers, having a pint and catching up. He really liked it. Had the incredible Mrs H put a spell on his brother?

Audrey noticed his hangover as soon as he entered the kitchen, slipped an Alka Selzer into a glass of water and gave it discreetly to him. He gave her a grateful nod.
Siegfried seemed uncharacteristically cheerful and was talking about some interesting case he had come across some time ago and Mrs H was listening attentively and laughing at the right places. Tristan studied them as he swallowed the bitter pain killer. What if Siegfried were to marry Mrs H. Things like that happened. Bachelors or widowers would marry their housekeepers. In some cases maybe just to save some money. Those women would do the same work as a wife, but without wages. But in this case it would be better than that, since Mrs Hall actually seemed to like his brother. That’s quite rare, he thought to himself. But she had told him about her son. Maybe she was still married. Or a widow? He could just hope for the best.

- Since we are a bit late today, I’m thinking I’ll serve lunch at two instead of one, said Mrs Hall.
- What are we getting, Tristan said expectantly.
- Roast beef. With fried potatoes and all the trimmings. And maybe something lighter tonight. Mushroom soup or something.
- Sounds delicious, Siegfried said. Then maybe I should find us a nice wine. I think I have some fine bottles in the cellar.
They all went about their businesses, Siegfried messing around in the cellar, Tristan nursing his hangover and solving the latest crossword. And Audrey cooking.

Siegfried had to admit that he felt quite a bit lighter since last night. He had always scorned at all kinds of Freudian mumbo jumbos, it seemed quite ridiculous that talking about things would make you feel better.. But maybe it actually would help on rare occasions. He had also noted that his clothes weren’t hanging quite as loose on his body anymore. His feeling better could also have to do with the fact that he was eating much more and better food now than he had done for over a year. And the fact that nutritious food could improve your health, that was the one thing he believed in. All in all, he felt something that would resemble a good mood, believe it or not.

There was a tune stuck in his head, as he was looking around amongst the bottles stored on the wall-mounted shelves of the cellar. He tried to sing it but couldn’t remember the lyrics. When he had found a couple of bottles that he thought would go well with the promised roast beef, he went up to the kitchen to open them and give the wine some air in time before lunch. He was still humming.
Audrey looked at him. Was he actually singing? She also recognised the song and smiled to herself.
After opening the bottles he went into his study, still vocalising.
- Are you going to… something something… and something about some herbs.. hm. It must be folk song.
The melody was in a minor key.
He turned to the piano and tried to take out the melody.
- Tristan, he shouted, do you know this song?
Tristan carefully lifted his aching head from the cushion. What was the matter with his brother? Had he been sniffing at suspicious bottles in the dispensary?
- No idea. Never heard!
Siegfried continued his search on the piano keys.
- Hm, something about parsley. What song could be about parsley?
- Mrs Hall, he shouted. Do you know which song this is?
- Yes, I do.
- You do?? Then tell me!
Audrey chuckled and put the bowl with batter for Yorkshire pudding on the kitchen table before she dried her hands on a towel and went to help the poor musician out. She leaned her arms at the piano.
- Of course I know this one. It’s the song about my home town.
- Scarborough! Here we are! Do you know the lyrics?
- Of course! Play!
If someone would have told her this morning that she would sing a folk tune accompanied by her employer at the piano today, she would never have believed it.

Are you going to Scarborough fair
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She once was a true love of mine.

Tristan shook his head as he heard them. Was his brother finally loosing it?

The dinner was lovely. The meat had a tasty crunch on the surface and was perfectly pink on the inside. The Yorkshire puddings were fluffy, the gravy was creamy and the veggies smooth. The wine elevated the flavours perfectly. Siegfried raised his glass:
- Mrs Hall, you have outdone yourself! To many more lovely meals like this!
Tristan cheered and they toasted. Audrey felt a little bit tipsy from the wine and started gathering the dishes to bring them to the kitchen. Tristan was joking around, making her laugh and almost drop dirty cutlery on the carpet.
Siegfried was still standing up, on his way to help her when he suddenly stopped.

He realised that he had made a huge miscalculation.

Gigantic.

The woman he had employed as a housekeeper on the grounds that she was very unlike his dead wife, was in fact not the least plain or mousy.
She was on the contrary strikingly beautiful.
Her hair wasn’t done in the neat roll at the back of her head today, instead soft curls of shiny chestnut were dancing around her face. Her cheeks weren’t sunken in anymore and as she laughed at Tristan’s silly jokes, deep dimples formed themselves at the sides of soft pink lips and a pearly row of perfect teeth. The wine had put colour on her lovely high cheekbones and her blue eyes with little stains of gold sparkled. Two arches of eyebrows formed themselves over the eyes and completed the stunning picture.
Siegfried had to lean against the wall not to loose his balance.
This was nothing less than a shock.

Chapter Text

The week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve went on with a lot of work for Audrey and Siegfried and a lot of rest for Tristan. He had to build up his strength before returning to Edinburgh, he said. But Audrey would occasionally drag him up from the couch, asking him to walk the dog or dry the dishes. Which he also did, muttering “No rest for the wicked…”.

Audrey stated to herself that Siegfried’s good mood on Christmas Day had been temporary. He was back in his brooding state of mind. She even suspected that he seemed to avoid being alone with her. Maybe he regretted having told her so much about Evelyn, she thought. Her heart ached for him, even more now when she had heard his story. But she could see that being occupied with work did him good. Tending to a sick animal, his mind was razor sharp. Audrey was well aware of the healing powers of a good day’s work and followed his example by putting even more effort into her cleaning and cooking.

Mr Farnon’s loving description of his late wife made Audrey in a way feel closer to her. Evelyn was now much more than a beautiful photo, she had come to life. Audrey found herself asking Evelyn about things when she was working, having an inner discussion with her about how to deal with the different tasks in the household. It was like having a dear friend or a sister to ask for advice. Like a warm and nice company during the long work hours .

It hadn’t been long before she discovered that the laundry was quite another thing in a veterinary clinic than in a normal household. All the dirty clothes, towels and sheets from surgery and house calls was a good part of her daily work load. The washing machine was a blessing, but still she had to handle loads of wet fabric with her hands. Worst were the tweed garments. Mr Farnon always used protective clothing but would every other day yet bring trousers and sometimes jackets that were heavy of mud, manure and blood. The heavy fabric was scratchy and hard to handle when it was wet. The skin on her hands would crack, even though she tried to be careful. She rubbed them with an ointment of honey, marigolds and rapeseed oil but the cracks kept coming back.
Siegfried saw her trouble. Her strong hands were all red and damaged.
- Here, use these when you’re doing the laundry.
A pair of rubber gloves with long sleeves, made for the various tasks of a vet. They were of course too big, but Audrey knew that they would make quite the difference to her hands. And was touched by Siegfried’s consideration.

Siegfried was indeed brooding. Pondering the fact that he found his new employee extremely attractive. At first he thought that it was just a temporary confusion with the hair and pretty dress, that it would be gone when he saw her back in her work clothes again. But no. Once he had seen it, it was impossible to forget about it. Her strong arms, scrubbing and rubbing, always working hard, the long lovely neckline as she stood bent over the pots on the cooker, the waist, the elegant long legs. Wool stockings and sensible low heeled shoes couldn’t hide the fact that she had legs like a young thoroughbred mare. That radiant face, so alive with all it’s shifting expressions. And in addition to that, her sharp mind, her straightforwardness, her intelligence.. The way she answered back when he was rude or didn’t think. A woman who could fight her own battles.

He did everything he could to get rid of those thoughts. For goodness sake, Evelyn was not even cold in her grave and he was already looking at other women. He was no less than unfaithful to his beloved wife and it hurt like hell.
And how pathetic he would be if he – God forbid – told her. Like the cliché of a Victorian gentleman, demanding additional services from his female staff. Would she think of it as one more task in her work description? Say yes to keep her job?
Probably not, she was undoubtedly a woman of high morals. Nevertheless, she could never know.
Should he perhaps give her notice? It seemed so unfair. The poor woman wasn’t to blame. She couldn’t help that he was such a horny beast. She hadn’t led him on, not in any way. On the contrary, she seemed totally unaware of her beauty. Which of course made her even more attractive.
And besides, he was also already totally depending on her. The way she had restored Skeldale house to it’s former glory. The good food. And all her little cares, a cup of tea during surgery, tending to small injuries, darning his socks. Not to mention how much he needed her to find keys, his pipe, pens, glasses, Jess’s lead and everything else that he constantly seemed to loose. And where would he ever find a new housekeeper with her skills? Who would put up with him?
No, there was only one thing to do. He had to lock up those emotions somewhere far back in his mind.
- For God’s sake, he thought, I’m English. I can do that.

Chapter Text

Darrowby was a very convenient little village with all the necessary shops just a few steps away from Skeldale house. Audrey was already acquainted with most of the shop owners and marvelled over the reasonable prices and the high quality of the groceries. Wednesdays and Saturdays were market days, she could do her shopping just a few steps from home. Two days before New Year’s Eve she grabbed her basket and went outside for some vegetables and something for dinner. She looked around among the market stalls.
- Mrs Hall, how good to see you! Did mr Farnon like the roast beef?
Mrs Alderson was a farmer’s wife from the farm Heston Grange. Audrey had bought the delicious piece of beef that she served on Christmas Day from her. The woman was in her forties, with dark hair hidden behind a shawl, brown eyes and a big smile. Two girls, one of them a teenager, maybe seventeen or eighteen, the other about six or seven, were helping her selling eggs and dairies. Both daughters had inherited her dark, beautiful eyes and the deep dimples in her cheeks.
- Nice to see you too, Mrs Alderson! The meat was delicious, a really fine piece! Both the gentlemen liked it very much.
- I’m happy to hear! Have you met my daughters? This is our Helen.
The elder daughter smiled and nodded. She was a really nice looking young girl, thick curly hair and a very pretty face. How nice it must be to have daughters, Audrey thought.
- And this is our Jenny.
The younger sister looked at her, took a brown freckled egg from the tray in front of her and said:
- Would you like to buy som eggs, Mrs Hall? I picked them myself this morning. They are very fresh.
Audrey had a big bowl of eggs in the larder, payment from one of the farmers that couldn’t pay in cash.
- Of course I need some eggs, Jenny. They look really nice.
Jenny smiled, her salesman abilities proved themselves again.
- How many?
- A dozen, please.
Jenny started picking out big, fine eggs for Audrey, carefully putting them in a paper bag.
The women smiled at her serious concentration.
- She could sell anything, said her big sister. The best business man in the family!
- Oh, hello, Audrey!
Audrey turned her head and looked into Alice’s smiling face.
- Hello Alice, how good to see you again!
- And you! I was so happy to see you in church on Christmas Eve. And you’re settled in at Skeldale house?
- Yes, I am. A beautiful house. And a very good kitchen.
- And Mr Farnon? Everything working out with him too?
Audrey noticed a hint of excessive curiosity in the post lady’s face. She was after something. Was the nice lady that helped her out on her first night in Darrowby the village gossip? Best to be cautious.
- Everything is just fine with both the gentlemen.
Alice nodded and seemed to wait for more news about the events on Skeldale house. When she didn’t get it she said goodbye and hurried off. Jenny handed over the bag with eggs and Audrey payed. Mrs Alderson sighed and leaned over the table towards Audrey.
- Alice is nice, there is no harm in her, but she has a tendency to keep track of everything that is going on in Darrowby. Maybe it comes with the profession. Good choise to watch your tongue. I really wouldn’t want her to talk about things that maybe are exaggerated or misinterpreted.
Audrey was puzzled. What did she mean? Was there some kind of talk on the town about her? Already?
- I have only met Alice once. She helped me out as I came here two weeks ago. If she is talking rubbish about me, I would really like to know.
- No, sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just that…
- Yes?
- You seem very nice. I like you. And I am guessing that you are the perfect person to take care of Skeldale house. And handle Siegfried.
Audrey appreciated her straightforwardness.
- Thank you. I take pride in my work there.
- I’m sure you do!
- Hm… why don’t you come over for tea some day. If you can spare the time?
- I’d love to.
- Tomorrow? By two?
- I’ll be there.
- You’re most welcome.

Joan Alderson knocked on the back door the following day at five to two. The younger of the daughters was with her. Jess was dancing of excitement over the guests as Audrey opened the door and let them in.
- Is it a girl pup? Asked Jenny.
Audrey nodded
- What’s her name? Can I play with her?
- She is called Jess. Of course you can play with her. Take her ball and go out at the backside, she’ll be so pleased, said Audrey.
She invited Mrs Alderson to sit down by the table. A plate of freshly baked scones, clotted cream and jam was waiting at the table. Audrey poured hot water on the leaves in the tea pot and stirred.
- This looks delicious! My name is Joan, by the way.
- I’m Audrey.
The two women smiled at each other.
- How do you take your tea?
- Milk, no sugar.
- Just like me, then.
- And you’re from the coast?
- Yes, that’s right, Scarborough.
- Ah. I was born here. Lived in the Dales my whole life.
They chatted for a while about life in the Dales. The landscape, the people. Audrey was thinking how nice it was to talk to another woman. She missed Dorothy and her other friends at home. Not that she had been seeing much of them over the last years. Working as a live in housekeeper wouldn’t give you much time off. And before that she had to consider the possibility of Robert having a tantrum if she left the house for longer than he liked.
- About Alice, Joan said after a while. She is a nice person. But she has a tendency for talking too much. She came to my stall the other day looking quite peculiar. I just knew that something was going to come out of her mouth.
- What did she say, then?
- At first she started talking about you, how she had met you at the bus that night with the blizzard. And how she had …warned you about mr Farnon..
- Warned me? She told me that the other housekeepers didn’t stay since mr Farnon wouldn’t let them touch the late Mrs Farnon’s belongings. And who could blame him? A man in mourning?
- Of course not. Siegfried has all my sympathies. He has been a great help to my husband and me through the years. And Evelyn was such a lovely person. I feel so very sorry for him.
- So do I.
- Anyway, Alice said that she thought that something was going on, since you had been here more than two weeks and seemed to have settled in quite well with mr Farnon. None of the other housekeepers were here more than a week, apparently. But the juiciest bone was this: she had seen the two of you holding hands in church on Christmas Eve. I told her that I didn’t believe a word of it and that she should stop talking about things like that.
- It is actually true, I did hold mr Farnon’s hand in church, just not the way that she thought. He was feeling poorly, something happened as he entered the church. Memories of his wife. She took ill on Christmas Eve a year ago.
- Oh, yes, that’s true. We were there, all of us. She took ill and they went to the hospital. Dear Evelyn. We all miss her.
- And I would never… I have worked in households for several years. It’s easy to get attached to the family you are taking care of. I loved the daughters in my last one. But I have seen other women in domestic service getting involved with their employers. Or the grown up sons. It never comes any good from it. Never.
- I’m sure you’re right.
- Mostly they just get used. In one or two cases they actually got married. But it was more a way of saving money. The poor woman would have to do all the work she did before but without getting payed. And before the wedding the man was fairly nice to her. That stopped as they were husband and wife. So no, I would never get involved with my employer. And besides I’m still married.
She touched the wedding ring on her left ring finger.
- Haven’t seen him for years, though. He drinks. I couldn’t stay.
Joan put her hand on hers.
- So sorry to hear that… children ?
- I have a son, Edward. He is fourteen. He is … still in Scarborough.
She couldn’t tell her that he was in borstal. What would she think? They sat together in silence for a while, sipping their tea. Jenny and Jess came storming in, covered in snow, the girl’s face shining with delight.
- She caught the ball every time I threw it!

After an hour Joan gave Audrey a hug.
- This was really nice! You must come to our place soon. Maybe you can get a ride with Siegfried when he is in our neighbourhood? Or take the bus? Let’s stay in touch!

Chapter Text

New Year’s Eve came and went without much ado. Audrey went to sleep at ten thirty and when she woke up the next morning she prayed that 1934 would be a better year than the last. In her life, in Mr Farnon’s and in the rest of the world.
On the second of January, Tristan returned to Edinburgh. She was really sad to see him go. The young man had captured her heart with his big smile and generous nature.
- Be sure to work hard now, she said as he was on his way out to the car where Siegfried waiting to drive him to the train station.
- And you be sure to still be here when I’m coming home for Easter. Don’t let my big brother drive you crazy!
- I’ll be here, it’s a promise!
They hugged and she followed him out. Stood waving in the front door as they drove away. Wiped a tear. If only she had had that kind of relationship with her own son.

January was as cold and colourless as always. But the days went by in a steady pace. Breakfast at eight, surgery, house calls, cleaning, answering the phone, lunch at one, house calls, laundry, more cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, dinner at seven.
After dinner, if there wasn’t anymore chores to take care of, they would sit by the fire and talk about what had happened during the day and what was on the schedule for tomorrow. Audrey loved those evenings. She would knit or darn. Sometimes they played one of Mr Farnon’s board games. Or listened to the radio. She remembered that she had felt rather lonely in the evenings at her previous workplaces when the family were together and she wasn’t needed. But with mr Farnon she actually felt like she was family. He treated her more like a relative than an employee.

She slept well and had gained some weight. Life in the country, far away from all her old problems, did her good. Of course she worried about Edward, constantly, but she felt much better in general. She wrote to him, told him about her new workplace, but he didn’t answer.

One night at the beginning of February, she woke up in the middle of the night. Sweaty and scared with a pounding heart. She lay totally still for some minutes, paralysed by a horrible nightmare. She was hunted. He was after her again. She could feel the sharp smell of alcohol and insanity on his breath. His hoarse voice was screaming, “come back you bloody whore and I’ll beat some sense into your stupid, ugly head. You fucking cunt! Running away from me and putting our lad in jail.. did you think I wouldn’t find you? I’m going to beat you until there is nothing left of you”. The voice kept echoing in her mind. She almost didn’t dare to breathe.
She wrapped the sweaty blanket around her, curled up and hugged her pillow. Trying to convince herself that it was only a dream, that she was safe. Took long, deep breaths to calm herself down. Slowly the terror of the nightmare subsided, the horror finally started to fade away and she could breathe normally again. Maybe some warm milk would help her falling asleep again. She put on her dressing gown and sneaked downstairs. She was still shaking as she fetched the milk bottle from the pantry and poured some milk into a pot. The Aga was still warm. Her bare feet were cold on the floor but this would just take a minute.

As she stood there, slowly stirring the milk, there was a sudden pound on the back door.
Audrey froze. Was it for real? Was her mind playing her tricks? She stood perfectly still without even breathing.
Another pound.
It must be him. He had found her. Audrey’s blood froze in her veins and she thought she was going to faint. It was impossible to move.

More pounds. The door handle rattled. Someone was pulling it from outside. He wouldn’t give up until he managed to open the door.

Slowly Audrey began to back out of the kitchen. Something flashed through her brain. She had seen a cricket bat in the passage. Without taking her eyes off the back door, she found it.

The pounding and rattle of the door handle went on, more and more persistent. She could hear his voice too, shrieking from outside. She had to do something, she couldn’t handle this by herself. She needed help. Her legs almost buckled under her. With her last strength she hollered.
- Mr Farnon!

Siegfried had heard the noise from the kitchen. Since he guessed what was going on, he didn’t bother to do anything about it. But when, after a few minutes, he heard a woman’s voice, shouting at the top of her lungs, he jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs.

He found his housekeeper in the kitchen, grasping Tristan’s cricket bat as if her life depended on it, shaking of fear with her wide opened eyes locked at the back door. He ran past her, unlocked the door as he heard her shouting NO.
- Harold, what are you doing? It’s the middle of the night, for God’s sake, go home!
Harold Waits was an old farmer who had lost all of his property due to his heavy drinking. He was quite peaceful mostly, but some nights he would go around town, pounding on people’s doors, looking for imaginary foes. A sad old man. Siegfried had seen his downfall over the years and felt really sorry for him. The bottle was however more dear to him than anything else.
The old man’s anger went away as soon as he saw Siegfried. He took off his hat and backed away from the door.
- I’m sorry mr Farnon. Must have gone to the wrong place. Sorry.
- Yes, yes, just go home. You wake up half the town.
- Yes, alright, I’ll just be off, then…sorry.
He trotted away and disappeared into the darkness. Siegfried closed and locked the door. He turned around just in time to see how Audrey’s legs buckled under her. He ran the few steps and managed to catch her just before she fell. Gently he loosened the bat from her hand and half led, half carried her into the sitting room. As he helped her down on the sofa, he could hear her shaking voice trying to whisper something.
- What?
The voice wouldn’t work but she tried again.
- The milk…
- What milk?
- On the cooker. Boils over..
He made sure that she was safe on the sofa and wouldn’t fall off before he hurried back to the kitchen. The milk had flooded the pot and there were sticky brown pools all over the Aga. He removed the pot, put it in the sink and poured water into it. Returned into the sitting room. Audrey was looking very small and she was still shaking. He found a blanket and spread it over her, tucked her bare feet in and lifted them up on the settee.
- I think you need something stronger than warm milk, he said and poured her a large whisky.
She almost couldn’t hold the glass.
- Sorry about old Harold. The town’s drunk. Harmless but sometimes quite loud.
She nodded. Sipped the golden drink and started coughing. He had to take the glass, or she would have spilled. He moved her feet an inch and sat down beside her.
- Now tell me. That wasn’t about Harold, was it? What happened?
She took another sip before she found the strength to answer. Her voice was weak and still trembling.
- I had a bad dream… woke up all sweaty and scared. Went downstairs for some milk. To calm down. And the it started… pounding.. I thought that..
- What did you think? Who did you think it was? Someone in your nightmare?
- My….husband..
Tears flooding her eyes. Siegfried was in his pyjamas and had no handkerchief.
- Your husband?
- Haven’t seen him for years.

She took another big sip, this time without coughing. She needed the courage.
- I left him some years ago, I had to. He drank too much. The war destroyed him. He was…violent.
Siegfried took a deep breath. He wasn’t surprised. He had felt that there was something wrong, something that bothered this otherwise so strong and independent woman. He hated men that were violent to animals or women. Or children. It tended to be the same brutes that preyed on those categories.
She emptied the glass. Wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and took a deep breath. It was probably a bad idea, but she would have to tell him. She wouldn’t be able to stay here if she didn’t. And she desperately wanted to remain here where she finally was beginning to feel safe.
Another deep breath. Everything. Or almost everything.

She began to talk. Started from the beginning, how they met and fell in love. The birth of Edward.
- You have a son?
- Yes, but he is…still in Scarborough. He is fourteen.
- Oh.
So that was it, he thought. Her mothering of Tristan. He had actually been a bit jealous, to be honest. She missed her son.
- Robert was different when he came back from the war. Mean. He would say horrible things to me. Complain about everything. Mostly about money. And in our arguments he always managed to twist things around. In the end everything was my fault. I drove him to it. To drink, to be violent. Because I was spending too much, just thinking of myself. Flirting with other men. Spoiling Edward. He said that our son would grow up to be a weakling.
Siegfried shook his head. Mrs Hall flirting? He couldn’t imagine it.
- As Edward grew up, he started to turn him against me. And when he lost his job at the docks, he blamed me. I started working as cook in a family. Without living in. It was such a relief to go to work. To be surrounded by nice people that appreciated me. Loved my cooking!
It was as if he felt that he was loosing his influence over me. So he started hitting me. And it soon became worse and worse.
The aching memories were pouring out. And every word that went out, left a small space of air inside her.
- I have heard that some men who are violent tend to be very regretful in between. But never Robert. He would never admit that he was wrong. I had myself to blame..
- But how did you put up with it? Why did you stay ?
- Because of Edward. Couldn’t leave him. And he loved his father. And also… I never lost hope that he would change. Maybe he would come to his senses. I was quite convinced that he would. Until…
- Yes?
Audrey closed her eyes. This was almost too much. Her throat cramped and she struggled to breathe.
Siegfried poured another whiskey, put it to her mouth. When she had swallowed, he put the glass down and took her hand to encouraged her to go on.
- I left my job as cook. I was too scared that they would see my bruises. And then we had no income. I told Robert that he had to get a job again or else we wouldn’t survive. And he actually listened. Went out to look for a position. But he had such a bad reputation, no one would hire him. When he came back he was furious. And very drunk. He…
- Yes, go on.. did he hit you?
- Like crazy. Everything was my fault. The fact that he wouldn’t get a job. That he drank. It was because of me, I dragged him down in the gutter. I was… ugly, filthy, he called me so many horrible things. I was not worthy of anything. The beating just went on and on. I was sure he would kill me.
She was sitting totally still. Hardly breathing.
- Finally one of the neighbours came knocking on the door. They couldn’t sleep because of the noise. And as they were arguing I managed to escape. I could hardly walk but fled out of the house. I was so badly hurt, struggled not to loose consciousness. Hid in the cellar at my former workplace over the night. Next morning I managed to go to my friend Dorothy’s place, she took care of me, went with me to the hospital.
They sat in silence. Audrey’s words were incomprehensible. It was just as horrific as many of the war stories he had heard.

- But the worst part of it…
Could there be anything worse, he thought.
- The worst of all was that I was five months pregnant. I lost the baby in that cellar. A little girl.

Siegfried’s heart beat like crazy. A part of him wanted to go out, take the car, drive to Scarborough and beat the shit out of that bastard. But he was very bad at fighting. Always had been. So it probably wouldn’t end well.
Audrey was sitting there, totally still, hardly even blinking. The hair had escaped the hairnet and was hanging loose in dark strands over her shoulders. Her eyes where big and dark as she stared out into nothingness. She looked like a wounded hind. There was nothing he could do or say. He desperately wanted to do something , take away her suffering. He felt exactly like when he was taking care of a badly hurt animal. But in those cases he would know what to do. If she had been a spooked horse, he would know exactly which soothing words to whisper. Now he was completely helpless.
Her trembling shoulders seemed so thin, so vulnerable. He closed is eyes, followed his instincts and gently pulled her to his chest. At first she resisted. But then she gave in and sank into his embrace. He swept the blanket around them both and leaned back. Just held her. Grateful that he could do something as he felt her body starting to relax. Rested his cheek against her head. Her hair smelled like honey.

No, don’t, she thought as he pulled her to his chest. She saw the stripes on his pyjamas close to her eyes, she had washed it only the other day. And she was in her nightie. It was too close, too intimate. Not appropriate. But his warm embrace was so soothing, his soft scent so very calming. His hand gently stroke her hair, just like with that grey little kitten. She couldn’t resist the warm rest and comfort that was surrounding her. She sank into his arms, relaxed into his chest. Breathed slowly and gave up. Drowned and fell towards a deep, healing sleep.

Chapter Text

A faint buzzing sound awoke him. He opened his eyes, not immediately remembering where he was. A warm weight against his chest. Audrey fast asleep in his arms. Her cheek against his chest, her forehead very close to his lips. He could feel her breath against his skin.
Her story. That brute of a husband, her escape, the miscarriage. It was all too horrifying to fathom.
He gently kissed the little wrinkle between her eyes, caressed the silky hair very carefully, without risking to wake her up. He wanted stay like that, cradling her in his arms forever, but he really needed to go to the bathroom. He tried to disentangle himself, but she groaned and snuggled even closer.
What an exquisite moment it was. And he just had to pee…
The buzzing sound was probably her alarm clock upstairs. It grew weaker after a while. Eventually stopped. Seven in the morning. At what time did they fall asleep? He had no idea.
He could hear sounds from outside. Wagons driving by. Horse shoes against the cobblestones. Voices. Darrowby was awake.
No surgery today. Some house calls but nothing urgent. Maybe he should cancel and just stay in. There were always things to tend to in the dispensary. He could be around when she would wake up.
She moved a little, her eyes flickered. How he wanted to kiss her.
But no. That would be to take advantage of her. Of her vulnerable state. He was still her employer, he could never… and Evelyn was still so close. He looked at her photo on the sideboard. Whatever would she think..

Audrey opened her eyes with some difficulty. That striped flannel fabric again.
- Siegfried?
- Mmm.
- What time is it?
She was hardly awake. Her eye lids fell down again.
- Never mind that, Audrey. Go back to sleep.
He gently managed to get up from the settee without disturbing her too much. She fell right back to sleep as he tucked her in with the blanket. He hurried up to the bathroom.
She was still in deep sleep when he, after getting dressed, came down again. A few phone calls and all his commitments for the day were cancelled.
He went into the kitchen, what to eat… he looked in the pantry. Bacon, eggs, some bread. Sausages. But he wasn’t that hungry. Maybe he should just have some coffee and toast, as he used to, before she came.
Before she came. Just a few weeks ago. It seemed like she had been at Skeldale, with him, for ages.

When Siegfried checked on Audrey after his quite tasteless breakfast, she was still asleep and her cheeks were a bit flushed. He put the backside of his hand on her forehead. She was warm. He fetched a thermometer in the examination room.
- Hey, Audrey, open your mouth, I think you may have a fever.
She opened her lips but not her eyes. And yes, a slight fever. She wasn’t comfortable enough here on the couch, he had to get her into her bed. But first some fluids. His medical side took over. Sweetened tea. He made her drink in small sips. She swallowed but her eyelids wouldn’t move. It was as if all her strength, all the powerful energy that normally kept her going from dawn til dusk had just ran out of her. He began to wonder if there was something seriously wrong with her. That feeling of constant worry from Evelyn’s last months were suddenly back. He tried to examine her, palpated her throat glands and tried to find some answers but found nothing wrong.
- Come on, let’s get you into bed.
He couldn’t carry her up the stairs. She wasn’t as light as Evelyn had been in the end. But with one arm around her waist he managed to half carry half lead her up the stairs and into her bed. She was barely conscious.
He went downstairs again, took Jess for a short walk, he didn’t dare to be away for more than ten minutes. When he was back in the kitchen and the dog was fed, he didn’t know what to do. Call the doctor? Maybe wait for a while.
He stood in the kitchen, looking around. Tristan’s cricket bat was still lying on the table. Maybe he should put it away.
His gaze fell on the desk. Evelyn’s desk. And suddenly he knew what to do.
He went upstairs to find a big box, and then started to empty all the drawers. He sat down and took a deep breath. Now was the right time. He had to do it.
He looked through every little piece of paper, every recipe, notebook, receipt and note that he found. It was like an exposé over their lives. Photos, letters, birthday cards. A series of postcards from Brighton were they once visited some of Evelyn’s relatives. Photos of Tristan as a small thirteen year old. The three of them together. A note from himself with the words: I’m sorry. One of the many times when he had been an idiot. So much waisted time. The tears that he thought he was done with, started falling again. And since no one could see him, didn’t he bother to hold them back. He cried like a baby over every little memory of his beautiful wife, cried over the wonderful life they’d had together and the fact that he didn’t know about it until it was over. He sobbed like crazy, couldn’t stop. All the pain that had been stuck in his chest for so long was pouring out of his eyes.
When all the papers and photos were packed in the box, he carried it upstairs to the bedsit and pushed it under the bed. If ever anyone was going to live up there again, he would have to find another place for it, but right now this would have to do.
He went downstairs again to check on Audrey. She was still asleep and seemed a little cooler.
He went into his own bedroom and lay down on top of the covers of the bed. Within a few minutes he was deeply asleep.

Audrey opened her eyes slowly and with some difficulty. Her body felt stiff, heavy and weird. Almost like if she had been ill. The skin felt sticky and tender, as after a fever, her head was aching. And she was hungry. She had the feeling that she had been asleep for a very long time. Vague memories twirled at the back of her head. A nightmare. Someone at the back door.
What time was it? She looked at the alarm clock. Twenty past seven. Morning or night? It was dark outside. But it would be dark at this hour both morning and evening in February. She rose from the bed, put her dressing gown on and opened the door to the hallway. Mr Farnon’s door was ajar, she peeked in. He lay fully dressed on the covers and slept. Well, he sometimes would take a nap like that after coming home from a nightly house call. She went into the bathroom. A bath would be lovely, she really wanted to get rid of the dried sweat on her skin.
Lying in the tub, more and more memories came back. Being chased by Robert in her dream. The old drunk’s banging on the door. How terrified she was, convinced that it was him. And then telling mr Farnon about Robert and Edward. She closed her eyes in embarrassment and shame.

She felt better after the bath. Mr Farnon was still asleep but she reckoned he would be awake anytime soon. So she got dressed and went downstairs to make some … breakfast? Or dinner?
Jess was whining by the back door, she let her out and filled her bowl with dog food.
Switched on the radio.
- Good evening! This is the BBC news..
So it wasn’t morning. Had she been sleeping the whole day? Her stomach growled. She really needed to eat. Bread, cheese, eggs, black pudding, cold potatoes, lamb chops .. she took out everything edible she could find in the pantry. The Aga hadn’t been fed with coal, it was almost cold. She’d better get on with her neglected chores.

Siegfried woke up, dizzy and with a dull headache. He felt like he had fallen off a horse, or something. His eyes were gritty, he blinked repeatedly to be able to focus as he sat on the bedside. He could hear sounds from the kitchen. A faint smell of food. Was she awake? He got up, peeked into her room. Bed empty and neatly made.
He went down the stairs but had to hold on to the handrail, not to loose his balance.

Audrey turned around when she heard him entering the kitchen. He looked quite disheveled, the hair in a mess, his eyes red-rimmed and the skin very pale. He looked worried and confused. And they both started talking at the same time.
- How are you, are you feeling better?
- I’m so sorry for this whole mess last night..
They went silent and just looked at each other.
- Sorry… you first, said Audrey.
Siegfried looked at her. Everything about her was neat and tidy again. The hair was done in the usual roll, she was dressed in a cardigan and skirt with a colourful pinnie over. Her features were calm and there was no trace of that terrified woman he had held in his arms last night.
- Are you feeling better? You wouldn’t wake up for so many hours. You even had a slight fever. I was quite worried.
She shook her head.
- No, don’t be. I’m fine now. Felt a bit odd when I woke up, but now I’m ok. And I want to say how sorry I am for the whole situation. I had a nightmare, I guess that’s why I overreacted like that. So sorry, it was.. I can’t… it will never happen again!
Her cheeks were glowing of shame. He wanted to take her in his arms again, tell her that everything was fine. Instead they just stood there, looking at each other.
- Anyway, I’m guessing that you are hungry. I have neglected my duties..
- You were ill!
- I’m sorry… but please sit down and I’ll get you some …

He was almost angry with her. Weren’t they past that professional attitude? Hadn’t they both opened up to each other in a way that would be very unusual for an employer and an employee? He went past her to get a glass of water. She flinched as he happened to touch her arm. Drank his water and sat down. She was trembling when she gave him the plate with lamb chops and fried potatoes.
They ate in silence.
He was cross, she could feel it. And she was shaken to her stomach. Another memory had suddenly come up when he went past her by the sink. His warm scent, as he came close, reminded her. Could it be true? Had she been sleeping in his arms? His striped flannel pyjamas… She could feel the blood flowing to her face again.
Both their plates were empty. She took them to the sink, started to clean.
When it was done she sat down again. Looked into his eyes.
- I’m sorry..
- Yes, you’ve said so a couple of times..
- Please.. I told you things that not even my best friend knows about. I’m.. very embarrassed. I didn’t mean to let it all out like that. It must have been the shock. I actually thought that he was coming for me.
- Has he, your husband..
- Robert.
- Yes Robert. ….has he been chasing after you before?
- No, not like that. But he was obviously very angry and tried to find me after I had left him. He didn’t know about the baby, I never told him. Was too scared that he wouldn’t appreciate another child. Eventually I would have had to.. but in the end not.
He looked her straight into the eyes.
- If he would come here you would be safe. You must know that. I wish I could say that I would defend you by myself, but I’m a lousy fighter. In this little town people stand up for each other. A brute like that wouldn’t have a chance against the sturdy farmers we have around here.
Audrey had to smile.
- I am used of taking care of myself. Not very comfortable with being some kind of damsel in distress. I can fight my own battles.
- I know!
- It has taken me a long time to try and find my way back to the person I was before those last years with Robert. To find my strength again.
- To be the courageous wren again.
- Yes! But I guess you are right. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and accept the help that is available.
- And you don’t have to feel embarrassed about telling me, if that is bothering you. We are both carrying around quite heavy burdens.
She nodded.
- I trust you, she said
- Likewise.
He took for her hand and for a minute they were silent. There was so much more he wanted to say, but couldn’t. Wasn’t allowed.
- And I kept myself busy while you were sleeping.
He nodded towards the desk. Audrey turned her head. The piles of papers were gone.
- I cleared out Evelyn’s desk. And if you would look through the other things, the haberdashery, the fabrics and the yarns. If there is something useful. If not, throw it away. It’s yours now.
She looked at him. Talk about courage! She took the few steps to the desk and the small table with the sewing machine. The basket with darning equipment and all the other things.
- This is perfect. I won’t throw anything away. Everything is very useful.
She turned to him again.
- I’m guessing this wasn’t easy to get through.
- It was quite …demanding.
He looked down at the table, his shoulders drooping. He looked so tired. Audrey’s heart ached for him. She sat down again, placing her hands over his.
- Thank you. I can’t say how honoured I am. I’ll do everything I can to maintain Evelyn’s work here in her beautiful home.
Siegfried wiped another tear. His voice was unsteady when he spoke.
- I’m quite sure she would have had complete trust in you.

Chapter Text

The days were getting longer but it was still quite cold. One day the sun would warm the cold earth, the next it would be snowing. This time of year there was always a lot to do, the lambing season along with spring sewing always led to one of the busiest times of the year for a vet practice. Siegfried was working day and night seven days a week. But he was quite content to have his mind constantly occupied. No time for brooding. Mrs Hall kept the house in perfect shape, she answered the phone and learned quickly how to get the right information from the farmers. Sometimes they were quite upset, but she always managed to calm them down. She was a great help. And her cooking... Siegfried felt like he was growing back into his own body again. Every time, as he was driving home after a full day’s work, he was looking forward to dinner. She had many different dishes on the menu, traditional as well and modern. And everything, without exception, tasted tremendously good. The conversation at the table was also nice. She was interested in his work. And maybe even more in the people of the neighbourhood. She sometimes followed him out, she had already made some friends among the women in the Dales. Joan Alderson and some other of the farmers’ wives had invited her a few times.
She acclimatised quickly and was, as Siegfried stated to himself, perfect for the job as a housekeeper at Skeldale house.

One Saturday afternoon Siegfried surprisingly found that he had some free time. No cow or sheep needed his help, the dispensary was in order and there was nothing else that he for the moment had to tend to.
The weather was nice, sunny and quite warm for the season. He decided to do something he had wanted to do for some time. He went out to the market place and found the flower stall. The greenhouses of Darrowby produced beautiful flowers around the year, roses, tulips, coronations and many other. To his joy, there were some red roses available. He bought nine of them. Took the paper wrapped bouquet under his arm and started walking down the street towards the cemetery.
At a sunny corner behind the old church she had her grave.

Evelyn Alice Farnon,
Beloved wife
1891 – 1932

He kneeled down on the ground, unwrapped the flowers and put them on the grass in front of the gravestone. Sat there for a while until his knees started hurting, then got up and sat down on the bench across the grave. There was so much he wanted to say.
He looked around. No one here, he could speak out loud.
- My beloved, I’m sorry I haven’t been here for a while. Too much work. You know what it’s like this time of year. I still miss you every hour. Every second. It’s impossible to understand that you won’t come back. But you can be proud of me, I’m really trying hard to cope. And it’s running much more smoothly now that I’ve hired a housekeeper. I think you would have liked her. She is really efficient. A great cook. And she keeps things in order and is a great help. I cleared out your desk for her, I hope you don’t mind…

He was silent for a while, half expecting that something would happen, that branch from the tree behind him would drop on his head. It didn’t. Stupid thought. But hopefully she didn’t mind.
- I think Tristan is doing alright too. He doesn’t write annoyingly often and when he does, there isn’t much information about his studies. I’m going to ask him more thoroughly about it when he comes home for Easter. All in all things are going better. I’m really trying.. but it’s hard and meaningless without you. Mrs Hall.. that is her name, the housekeeper. Audrey Hall. She’s from Scarborough. She is looking after the house very well, I think you would approve. Of course not like you did, but..

He stopped for a minute to gather his thoughts. The feeling of guilt. That he was on his way to go on with his life. That there sometimes were minutes when he didn’t think about her. And most of all; that he had begun to have feelings for another woman. Shame and guilt. He took a deep breath and started his monologue again.
- And I want to say that I’m sorry. Sorry that it sometimes happens that I don’t think about you for a few minutes. It’s really upsetting, I’m so scared that I am beginning to forget you. No one could ever take your place, you must know that. I don’t ever want to love someone else. It’s only you.

Those last words came out with more desperation than he would have expected. He looked around again. Still no person in sight.
He sat on the bench for a while. The pale sun tickled his eyes. It was like Evelyn was teasing him. She would do that when he made proclamations like the one he just did. She would say things like “well, we’ll see about that, you daft man”.

Time to go back, Mrs Hall would have dinner ready in a while.
He wasn’t so sure that Evelyn would approve of his self-imposed celibacy. She had actually at one point during her illness said that she wanted him to remarry. That it wouldn’t be good for him to be alone. But he had scorned at her words. He could never love another woman, he said.

He went in through the front door. A nice smell of food reached his nose. He took of his coat, then lit his pipe and sat down by the fire. He had more thinking to do.
No, to even think about another woman was forbidden. The memories of Audrey in his arms were at the same time sweet and made him anxious. He was trying very hard to build up some kind of nice but distanced relationship with her. It was tricky in so many ways. His growing thankfulness for her work and the way she cared for him, the animals and the people of Darrowby made it difficult to maintain that distance. They learned to know each other more and more by the day, endless talks about this and that. He really liked to listen to her thoughts and opinions and also share and discuss everything about work. And how they would laugh together. He loved the way she would challenge him in discussions where they didn’t agree. It was pleasant being around her in so many ways, he just had to stop being attracted to her. Put a steady lock on those feelings. And throw away the key.

The smoke from his pipe were whirling in white plumes. He looked at them. Heard Mrs Hall humming along with the radio in the kitchen.
And what if he one day would tell her? That would probably be a catastrophe. She would put him off like Lizzie Bennett put mr Darcy off. He remembered how they laughed, Evelyn and him, when she read Pride and Prejudice to him. What an idiot, that Darcy bloke. Thinking that the exquisite Elizabeth Bennet would want him. Audrey would probably think exactly the same, only she would let him down in a kinder way. Since kindness was one of her biggest virtues. Or maybe even worse, what if he was the obnoxious mr Collins!
There was also another thought that wouldn’t leave him in peace. Audrey’s story about her marriage was still haunting him. It was incomprehensible how she could still be sane and functioning after those terrifying experiences. She had told him about how horribly her husband had treated her. Yet she had been pregnant again. Was that child really conceived in love? Or? The thought of her being… he couldn’t even complete the sentence without seeing red.
He closed his eyes. Tried to calm down. No point in getting all worked up over something she would never tell him.

Maybe one day he would be able to flirt again. Be that guy he was before he met Evelyn. A long line of beauties that he danced with, laughed and had fun with, sometimes kissed, but never meant anything with. But to marry someone else… the bare thought was painful.
Audrey wasn’t the kind of woman you would flirt with, it would have been easier if she was. But it wouldn’t..
- Food’s on the table!
His thoughts were interrupted by her voice. What if she one day would find someone else? He wouldn’t be the only one to see her beauty. And she was young enough to attract all kinds of suitors. With horror he realised that this was another painful thought. Damn it. He just had to push back his feelings for this remarkable woman. There was no other way.
In the back of his mind he could hear Evelyn’s voice:
- Siegfried, for heaven’s sake! You can’t suppress a thing like that! You daft man!!
- Please be quiet, he thought. I can’t do this in any other way.

Chapter Text

Beginning of April

Audrey opened the back door and looked outside. The rain had just stopped falling and the sun was shining again. The daffodil buds were about to break out, maybe she could bring some with her to the person she was about to visit. She put on her coat and hat and went out. Jess was at her side, gently buffing her hand as they walked through the narrow cobblestone streets. She didn’t bother to put on the lead. Jess had grown from a sweet little pup to a beautiful young dog and she never left her side when they went for a walk.
Audrey had been in Darrowby for a little more than four months now. The village and it’s inhabitants were becoming more and more dear to her by the day. Just like the beautiful surroundings! The more she saw of the lovely Yorkshire Dales, the more she loved them. Mr Farnon sometimes took her with him when he was out on calls, and she loved take in the breathtaking views outside the car windows, now slowly turning green as Spring approached.
It was also a joy to see mr Farnon slowly getting better. That hollow-eyed, almost scraggy man she remembered from the day she arrived, had now colour on his cheeks and he seemed to fit in in his clothes again. Sometimes he smiled and laughed, it always warmed her heart, even if that dark cloud of grief of still was hanging over him.
She turned to the left, opened the gate and walked into the ancient cemetery. The grass was intensely green and still wet from the rain. It brushed her low healed shoes and made her wool stockings moist. The cold sensation sent a shiver through her body. She was actually a bit nervous, to be honest.
She fetched a small vase in the shed by the church, poured water into it and placed the daffodils in it. The yellow buds looked so alive in front of the grey gravestone. A bouquet of withered dark red roses lay on the grass. Maybe she should remove it. But no. She knew who had put them there. It was a love gift.
She sat down on the bench opposite the grave. Jess at her side, following her every move.
- Dear Evelyn, these lovely flowers are from your garden…. I have been meaning to come here for a long time. I just want to say how very sorry I am for you. You were much to young to die. And he loved you so deeply. I don’t think he ever will get over it. You took a part of him with you when you had to go. It is so sad, dear Evelyn. But I want to thank you. Your beautiful home, I love it so much and I am so grateful for the confidence to take care of it. I am going to do all I can to maintain it in the way that you built it up. The kitchen… it’s a dream! Lovely! So practical and easy to work in - and that big table for breakfast and lunch! A place for a big family, honestly… And the washing machine, it’s just magnificent, you too knew how much laundry there is in a veterinary practice.

She looked up, squinted towards the sun. There was so much she wanted to say.

- Mr Farnon cleared out your desk for me, I hope you are alright with that. I am always thinking of you when I sit there. I’ve put your lovely series of postcards up on the wall. Oiled the sewing machine, it works really well. And I sorted the yarns and the haberdashery. I’m using the darning basket a lot, he always gets wholes on his socks!

She chuckled. Evelyn would know if anyone!

- You were so loved here in Darrowby. People still talk about you, how nice and caring you were. You will never be forgotten, I want you to know that.
And your husband… I’m doing my best. He is so tormented by his grief. But I think he’s a bit better, now that he’s eating properly. He is of course working too much. He has been talking about bringing in an assistant, but I doubt that he will ever find anyone who can live up to his standards. But I must say, I like working for him. Working with him. I heard from Tristan that you always treated your domestic help like family. He is continuing your ideas. We are taking care of this business and home together, like a team.
Tristan… what a precious boy! He also loved you so much. He has been without his own mother for so long, you did a great job in bringing him up. I also have a son but… we are not.. anyway, I am so fond of Tristan!

She was silent for a while. The sky had turned grey again. There would probably be more rain. She was cold, maybe she should hurry home before it started pouring again. But there was one more thing, something that had been on her mind since that night when she told Mr Farnon almost all her secrets. That little one, the child that had lived for five months under her heart. Conceived during a dreadful night of violence, but still her beloved little lass, deprived of her life before she had taken one single breath. Not even christened. Her heart still cried for her.

- One more thing, dearest Evelyn, she said, leaning forward as if she was telling a secret. I had a daughter too. She died long before she was going to be born, but I always feel like she’s with me.

She had always in her mind called the little girl a name that she found very beautiful.
She knew now that it wasn’t a coincidence. She whispered now.

- Dear Evelyn. Would you look after little Evelyn for me?

At that moment the grey skies cracked open and a warm, lovely sunbeam fell right on her face. She closed her eyes, feeling love streaming through her body.
- Thank you, she whispered.

Chapter Text

Maudy Thursday

She had left the back door was ajar, she wanted to be able to hear the car coming. The dining room table was set, dinner was almost ready. She fetched three bottles of ale in the pantry, Tristan’s favourite kind.
A well-known sound from outside.
- Jess, they’re coming!
Quickly she got out of her pinny. The dog barked of joy and danced around her as she walked outside. She had put on her nice green summer dress and a new matching cardigan, that she finished knitting only a few days ago. It was a bit too cold for it, but she didn’t care.
Tristan jumped out of the car with a big smile.
- Mrs H!! How good to see you again! Have been missing you and your fabulous food like crazy!
He hugged her and almost lifted her from the ground.
- My dear boy! How lovely to see you again! I have been cooking the whole day!
- Oh, I can already feel the delicious smell, can’t wait, Mrs H… what are we having??

They all went inside, Jess still in a frenzy of happiness. Audrey took care of the last chores in the kitchen and the brothers went into the sitting room for a drink. She could hear them talking. Noticed with a smile that the tone between them was nice. No arguing. Not yet, anyway. Such a relief.
Dinner was ready. Spare ribs and potatoes. Gravy and Yorkshire puddings. Veggies. And rhubarb crumble and cream for pudding. Tristan cheered when she carried the food into the dining room.

They shared a very pleasant meal together. Tristan talked about life in Edinburgh and Siegfried participated with some stories from his years as a student in that same city. He was relaxed and smiled a lot, Audrey noted. The grief was of course always there, but these past weeks he had become lighter. He joked around almost like Tristan would do, it warmed Audrey’s heart to see. Maybe the brothers weren’t as different as they thought they were.
- And how about your exams?
The inevitable question was here. Audrey held her breath.
- I have passed almost every one! The one in bacteriology I’ll have to take again, but aside from that, I‘m done!
- Oh, my good boy!
She couldn’t help herself, she was just incredibly proud of him, squeezed his hand on the table. Mr Farnon looked at their hands and cleared his throat.
- Well, as long as you get it done before summer vacations.
- Oh, I will! I’ll do some studying over Easter brake, everything will be so much easier with Mrs H’s good food in the stomach!
Audrey smiled and began to gather the dishes. A warm feeling lurked in her chest. The feeling of family. Of belonging. And of being at home.
Siegfried went into his study and Tristan threw himself at the settee, grabbing the paper to find today’s crossword. He could hear the soft sound from the radio in the kitchen, playing something serious like Bach or whatever. He wouldn’t know. Mrs H was humming with the music.
- What are they playing, mrs Hall? Siegfried shouted.
- It’s Bach. St Matheus passion.
- Oh! Lovely! Could you turn up the volume?
- My hands are all wet..
- Hm.. Tristan!!
Tristan sighed and pulled himself up, went into the kitchen and did what he was asked. He leaned against one of the pillars that divided the kitchen from the sewing nook. Almost overturned the cricket bat that still stood leaning against it. Audrey turned from the sink and smiled at him. Handed him a towel.
- Would you help me?
He took it and started drying the plates.
- Mrs H, I can’t say how happy I am that you’re still here.
- I’m very happy too. I’m beginning to feel very much at home here.
- And my brother? He is tolerable?
- Yes, he is. He is of course still grieving. But I feel like we’ve found a good way of working together.
- You are no less than a saint! No one has ever managed that before.
She chuckled.
- I’m no such thing, I can assure you.
A sharp signal from the telephone in the hallway.
- I’ll take it!
Siegfried shouted.
A few minutes later he stood in the doorway.
- A sheep delivery with complications on Heston Grange. Tristan, will you come? Good to get some real practice!
- Oh, say hello to Mary and the girls from me! Such a lovely family, Audrey said.
Siegfried was already on his way out. Stopped again and turned around in his usual dance when he was in a hurry. Audrey smiled to herself, she knew exactly what was going to happen next.
- Where are my keys?
He was almost too predictable in certain situations.
- On the hook in the hall! Where they live!
- Ah, yes.. and have you seen my hat, it’s not on the shelf..
- No, because you put it somewhere else..
- I did ? Where?
- You don’t remember? You asked me to mend the brim.
- Ah, that’s right. So where is it now?
- You honestly don’t remember?
- No..
- By the sewing machine. You put it there yourself.
- Are you sure, I thought I…
He was spinning around, still looking for his belongings.
Tristan almost dropped his jaw as he listened to them. They were actually bickering! It was almost like when Evelyn was alive, with the difference that she after a while got angry and snapped at him. Tristan had a feeling that Mrs H probably wouldn’t do that. It was as if she actually enjoyed the verbal battle. That they both did. He chuckled. Maybe there was some sort of hope for his brother. As long as the remarkable Mrs H stayed.

Audrey followed the two brothers out at the back. It was quite chilly but the sun was still up. The trees and bushes were turning green. The daffodils were in full bloom along with tulips and hyacinths. The old Vauxhall started with some reluctance, Tristan waved as they drove away. She hoped they wouldn’t be late, she always worried when mr Farnon went on house calls during the night. She would lie awake, listening for the car. And fall asleep as soon as she heard his footsteps in the hallway.

Those brothers. She shook her head and smiled to herself.
Tristan was already so dear to her. Like a son. How she wished that Edward would open up to her like Tristan did. Maybe he could come here when his sentence was done? Living in the countryside would be good for him. She could help him to find a job on a farm or something. But that would probably not be impossible. He wouldn’t want to. And what would mr Farnon say. She would have to tell him about the theft. And then what would he think of her?

Mr Farnon. Absentminded. Sometimes shouting and yelling. Grieving. But also warm and considerate. He wasn’t good with people but so much better with animals. She liked that about him. All bark but no bite.
She had found her home here. And her place as his coworker. She could stay here forever in this beautiful little village surrounded by a breathtaking landscape. She liked the people. Felt that she already was a part of the community.
And she liked her work. Took pride in it.

As for her employer. Her feelings for him went way beyond liking. The memories of that night when he had listened to her sad story, comforted her and when she fell asleep in his arms, were forever etched into her mind.
But he could never know.
Never ever get involved with your employer! Her old rule was echoing in her head.
And besides, there was no point in him knowing, he didn’t feel the same. Of course not. He still loved Evelyn, there was no room in his heart for anyone else. And even if that grief would subside in time, he would never look at her in that way. She was utterly convinced about that.
Always.

Almost always.
Except for some evenings, after pouring her a port wine, when he would sit at the piano and softly play Scarborough Fair to her.

THE END