Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Blue eyes. Golden curls. The perfect smile. My heart expanded bigger than the oceans, the sky, the sun, beyond all of the things I knew. I couldn’t breathe for a second but I felt more alive than when I fought monsters, gods, titans even. I could’ve stared at him for the rest of my days and it wouldn’t have been a life wasted. He reached out towards me, beckoning me, asking a question. The inquisition rested in the folds of his cheeks and I didn’t have the strength to stay away any longer.

Before we could touch though, a loud buzzing broke through my dream and I was rudely awoken by my stupid alarm. The last haziness of my sleep was ripped away harshly and I stared up at the ceiling of my bedroom not wanting to look beside me at the empty bed.

I allowed myself ten extra seconds of warmth before tearing myself out of the duvet to get ready for the day. I let the water run cold as I washed my face in an attempt to wake myself up. I dressed in grey jeans and a dark green sweatshirt I’d bought on a shopping trip last week with Hazel. The fact that I was seeing my sister later lifted my spirits somewhat and that gave me the motivation to slip on my converse before heading through the hallway to the living area.

The apartment wasn’t big but that didn’t bother me. In fact, I welcomed it when it was just the two of us. Too much space and you start to feel as if none of it’s really yours. The hallway opened up into the kitchen-living room area with the counters lining the back wall and a corner sofa facing a small TV on the side. The kitchen counters were dirty with fragments of popcorn from when we’d watched a movie last night and I made a mental note to clean up when I got back home after class.

I grabbed an apple before heading out, climbing down the two flights of steps and into the sun swept streets of New Rome. The beauty of the city never failed to improve my mood and the warm feeling of the day definitely helped me overcome the small pit of something in the bottom of my chest. It wasn’t that I wasn’t used to the feeling; it was just that my mind had grown accustomed to being at least a little happy all of the time.

The entrance to New Rome University hadn’t changed much since I’d first visited the place at just fourteen. I hadn’t thought much of it at the time but since Erudite had gotten ‘defeated’ (I liked describing dickheads in my life like enemies in a story, sue me) the place had definitely become that little bit more queer. And now, multiple visits, warped plans, tiresome classes, heartbreaks and six years later, I walked through the grand double doors into the traditional wooden hall and traced the steps I took everyday to get to the Tiberius lecture theatre.

I wasn’t late but soon after I’d arrived, my professor started greeting us, just the usual spiel about how the weekend was over (no shit) and that we can leave all that fun behind us (double no shit) now that it was a “Bright, fresh Monday morning.” Kill me.

I slid into my usual spot in the lecture theatre (back right corner) when I didn’t want to speak to anyone, opened my notepad and tried to block everything else out to listen to Professor Typal.

“So after your first year, you should have a great foundation of psychology and in your second year, as you know, we’ll be really focusing on therapy in different situations.”

Despite my head nagging me to continue with my moody, emo grump persona, subconsciously, my ears pricked up and I started taking in everything he was saying.

“So after gaining knowledge about the theoretical principles of counselling,” he was saying, “we’ll be taking a closer look into a vast array of sub specialities including development, educational, occupational, trauma and even taking a deeper dive into cognitive neuroscience, personality disorders and how it links to psychiatry.”

Mmm, that was interesting. Specifically the modules on development and trauma. I still felt a bit weird studying something I was so close to personally. Why study trauma responses when I was already a lifelong expert? But somehow, it helped me compartmentalise and view the bigger picture. I knew what I wanted to do in the future and my passion for it kept me going when it got tough.

“I know psychiatry is a medical specialty,” Professor Typal continued, “but there are huge links between that and therapy, and you’ll all work very closely to psychiatrists in the future.”

A couple of people were grumbling about that. I caught a few of their conversations: “Doctors are such snobs, I’d rather not.” “Psychiatrists don’t even help their patients, they leave that to us and then take the credit!” “What’s a psychiatrist?”

I snorted. I didn’t have any particularly strong opinions, but it did constantly feel like a weird feud between us and the medical students. Well, it wasn’t like anything ever explicitly happened, just passing comments at parties or gossiping in lectures. I didn’t exactly take part though. Out loud.

Professor Typal was trying to quieten the chatter down, but he wasn’t the most authoritative. He was more like a friend who happened to be in a position of power. “Now now,” he stammered. “I’m sure all of you will have great respect for your medical colleagues and will prove that during our joint project with them this year!”

A collective uproar ensued, protesting this new revelation. I sat back in disinterest, again not really caring either way. It was funny when people got carried away. Someone was even standing up, pointing and shouting at the professor. What an idiot.

It was not looking good for Typal. He could barely hold our attention on a good day and this was frankly awful news to most of the therapy students. Not only working with our ‘enemies’ but none of us really knew any of the medics. I’m sure they were nice enough but other people were clearly pissed they couldn’t do another shitty, laidback project with their besties like last year.

“I hope this reaction isn’t about the joint project.”

The room suddenly fell to silence and we collectively turned our heads to see Professor da’Silva entering the lecture theatre.

“It’s the head of medicine!” the person next to me whisper shouted.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Of course I knew that. Plus, couldn’t they tell by my seating choice and resting bitch face that I was currently not welcoming any conversation starters?

Professor da’Silva glided into the centre of the room, the complete contrast to her colleague who also stared at her along with us. She’d only spoken quietly but she had the entire room’s attention and respect immediately. Even the way she held herself was admirable.

“As I was saying,” she said in her deep, commanding voice, “I really don’t think there’s a problem here, though I would love to hear your concerns.”

She looked pointedly at the guy who was stood up. He couldn’t hold her stare and he mumbled something incomprehensible before taking his seat.

She didn’t smile, but I knew she looked triumphant. “This is a great opportunity for us to share our talents and knowledge,” she projected. “And I hope that it’s the start of many blossoming friendships in the field.”

I almost snorted in ironic derision but managed to catch myself. That was lucky since the room was so silent, she probably would’ve heard me.

“You’ll receive more information in due course,” she added. “As well as your partnership allocations.” She nodded at us and then Professor Typal. “Please enjoy your autumn semester, and start thinking about your project- it’ll come up sooner than you think.”

She took a small bow and took her leave. Professor Typal, probably not wanting to deal with the fallout again, quickly fumbled, “That’s it for now! Dismissed.”

I grabbed my notebook and followed the crowd out, heading towards my scheduled group discussion session.

“Hey, Nico!”

I turned around to see Ocean hurrying to catch up to me. She was wearing her signature blue marbled knee-length jacket and black skinny jeans.

“Hi, Ocean,” I smiled when she’d caught up to me.

She flung her arm around me. “Hey, girl, where have you been? I didn’t see you in the lecture.”

“I was at the back,” I replied as we headed towards our class. I was starting to feel a bit more normal now. Ocean was my best friend who I’d met last year during our classes and even though I’d been a bit standoffish at the start (and during some hard times later on), she somehow seemed to find my company worth sticking to.

I guess that the only way I was capable of making friends now was if they stuck by me relentlessly despite my moods. Maybe because it had been the opposite way in the past with a certain son of Poseidon and I couldn’t stand to be hurt like that again. It was probably something I should work on considering I wasn’t really close to anyone else on my course except for Ocean.

Ugh. My course was starting to make me therapise myself. I told myself to cut it out.

“You weren’t wallowing at the back again like a crusty little grouch, huh?” she nudged me.

I suppressed a smile. “Maybe I was just avoiding you.”

“Nahhhh,” she chuckled confidently. “I’m the only person you tolerate at this university.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“Well, not including your roommate I guess,” she conceded.

“I have other friends,” I replied. It was kind of true. I talked to people. I complained about the workload. I made jokes. I laughed at theirs. I was liked… I think.

“Other people consider you as a friend,” Ocean corrected me.

I guessed I just had higher standards of what a friendship actually meant.

We reached our class and went to sit on two of the swivelling chairs creating a semicircle facing the whiteboard at the front. I pulled out the mini desk attached to the chair and placed my notepad onto it.

“Can you believe the project we have to do with the med students?” the girl next to me asked loudly. I think her name was Laura.

I shrugged. “Maybe it’ll humble them a bit.”

She laughed and nodded. I knew how to say the bare minimum to fit in. Then she knit her eyebrows together and pointed her pen at me. “Hey, don’t you know a medic?”

Something in my chest contracted and several hundred memories zigzagged their way through my entire nervous system.

“Oh. My. Gods,” Ocean exclaimed dramatically. “Lauren, where did you get that cardigan?”

Oops, I hadn’t quite remembered her name then. Not that I cared. Now, I was silently hating her for something even though she had absolutely no way of knowing she’d done anything wrong.

“Alpollucio’s in the city,” Lauren beamed at Ocean. “They have the best stuff there!”

“Girl, we should totally go there for a shopping trip!” Ocean replied, completely matching her energy. Predictably, Lauren nodded enthusiastically.

Thankfully our tutor arrived at that point and Lauren didn’t have time to re-ask her question. Thankfully I could close my heart again to the anguish my head insisted on replaying to me any time it got the chance. And most of all, thankfully I was saved from talking about how the medic I knew was no longer in my life.

Chapter Text

Even though I enjoyed my course and it was refreshing to learn in an environment I’d always been neglected of, I couldn’t deny that it was absolutely exhausting. The only thing keeping me going was that us three were meeting up back at our place afterwards and Ocean was being way too dramatic as we walked through New Rome.

“I cannot believe you chose to house with just him this year and you didn’t even think to include me!” she complained.

Due to the late hour and the autumnal season, the sun had started to darken and bleed into the horizon, disappearing below the red tiled roofs of New Rome.

I rolled my eyes. “We had so many discussions about housing last year,” I pointed out unnecessarily. She obviously knew all this; she was just being annoying. “You remember the reasons.”

“I remember you saying that you hate me and my fashion sense intimidates you.”

I looked her up and down, pointedly looking at her long blue jacket. “It more offends than intimidates but okay.”

“Girl!” she protested. Then she did a magnificent twirl in the middle of the street, her jacket fanning out around her and landed in a perfect plié.

I laughed and applauded. “Okay, okay, enough with the ballet.”

We fell into a comfortable silence for a few blocks until Ocean decided to bring up the elephant in the room (street?).

“So, about what Lauren said…”

I kept my gaze straight ahead and didn’t say anything.

“Nico?”

“It’s hard enough forgetting it ever happened without these awkward conversations,” I snapped, a bit too harshly.

The nice thing about Ocean was that she hardly ever got hurt by things I said though. She knew the act I was putting up. It was one of the reasons we were so close. The other reason probably being that I was forced to seek out alternative company last year against my will… At least there was some silver lining.

“Do you really think forgetting is the best thing?” she asked, equally harshly. “We’re future therapists for gods’ sake.”

“Forgetting is the only way I can cope,” I replied. “You don’t know what I’m going through!”

I snuck a look at her face. She didn’t look hurt. She looked unimpressed.

“Okay, maybe you get it a bit,” I relented, thinking about how she hadn’t exactly had the easiest love life either.

We’d reached my apartment so I slid out my keys and rattled them into the main door. We walked up the stairs in silence and Ocean didn’t speak until we’d settled onto the couch in the living area.

“It’s been four months,” she said.

“Only four?” I whined half sarcastically.

She gave me a sad look. “Why don’t we wait for him,” (he gestured to my roommates’ picture on the wall), “to get home. He always comforts you. Knows exactly what to say when I don’t.”

I shook my head because he’d be home any minute now. His work was more intensive than our therapy degree so he worked longer hours which was why he wasn’t home in the morning. But all three of us always caught up at nighttime, and if Ocean couldn’t make it, just the two of us. But I definitely didn’t want to talk about this anymore. I’d never liked offloading my problems onto the people I cared about. I didn’t want them to worry. Plus, I was trying so hard to just forget it ever happened.

“Please, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

Ocean nodded.

And then, speak of the devil, the front door opened and he came striding in.

“How are my favourite people?” he asked in a crescendo as if he were on a game show, dropping his keys into the bowl, dropping his satchel onto the floor, running up to the sofa and literally jumping me and Ocean into a hug.

I wanted to say ‘Much better now that you’re here’ but I pinched him in the ribs instead said, “Suffocating in your forced love.”

He gave a cute crooked smile as if that was exactly the response he’d wanted.

“I for one am positively melting in your love,” Ocean chirped as she reached out and ruffled his blonde hair. “But unfortunately you’re pressing on my bladder and now I need a piss.” We both laughed at her as she ran for the toilet.

I pushed the blonde curls out of my face. “Go and change,” I ordered. “You’re still in your scrubs.”

He nodded and stood up. “Are we watching a movie?” he asked.

“I’m teaching my class after dinner,” I reminded him. “But if we watch a movie later, we have lots of left over popcorn all over the counter from when you didn’t tidy up last night,” I smiled sarcastically. “They’ll be delicious I bet.”

He rubbed his tummy. “I’ll be a gentleman and let you have it all then.”

“Not if I shove it down your throat to teach you a lesson,” I challenged.

“Always the charmer, Nico,” he chuckled. “I’ll have to start writing down all the nice things you say in my diary to preserve them.”

I threw a couch cushion at him. “Shut up, Ambrosius.”

He threw the cushion back at me before getting up and going to change out of his scrubs. Ocean wandered back in and pointed in Ambrosius’ direction. “Please tell me Ambri’s gone to take off his disgusting clothes? I can’t deal with the smell of animal placenta anymore.”

I nodded, looking from him to Ambri’s room and smiled. I wouldn’t say I was happy per se, but I was definitely as happy as I could be (considering the circumstances of my dump of a life) with these two by my side.

*

You’d think that going onto teaching a sword fighting class straight after a 9-5 studying day would be too much. Not for me though. After dinner, I said my goodbyes to my friends and headed into camp Jupiter. Hazel met me at the gate of the Via Praetoria. She was wearing full armour like any good Roman would, but her helmet couldn’t contain her cinnamon coloured curls which had grown a lot longer since I’d moved here. And her hair wasn’t the only thing that had grown; she was almost as tall as me now (which wasn’t saying much since I was quite short relatively for a guy, but she’d grown up nonetheless).

“I hope you like bratty kids,” she grumbled by way of greeting.

“Leo’s come to visit?” I asked.

She laughed at that. “I wish,” she replied. Unfortunately, our friend hadn’t visited New Rome in months. On the one hand, that was a good thing because it meant neither of us were in such drastic trouble that we had to call for reinforcements. On the other hand, it meant I hadn’t been able to appreciate a Valdez joke in way too long.

“I meant your students,” Hazel clarified. “Honestly, they get more and more annoying the younger they get.”

“You’re just getting older,” I pointed out. “The recruits Lupa sends in aren’t any younger.”

Hazel shrugged as we started towards the Field of Mars. “I wish I had your flair for working with children.”

I still wasn’t the best at receiving compliments so I stayed silent. I couldn’t deny though that teaching my classes here was one of the best parts of my day.

“I think I just…” Hazel trailed off.

“What’s that?” I asked gently. I thought I knew what she was going to say. In fact, I’d been expecting it for a while now. She had been Praetor for a long time…

“Nothing,” she replied, shaking her head. I let herself have her own internal argument. We’d talk about this later anyway. Sometime when there weren’t a dozen kids in front of us.

When they saw Hazel, they all stopped chatting immediately and stood in formation, ready for orders.

“Thanks, everyone for coming tonight,” she addressed them. “I know it’s late but as some of you already know, Nico’s a student at the university so he’s teaching you in his spare time.”

I smiled at them. They weren’t more than ten years old, which I was expecting after Hazel had mentioned all the new recruits Lupa had sent in. I liked teaching my beginners class anyway because it was like a fresh palette of swordsmanship. I could give them guidance and watch them grow and paint their own skills all over the battlefield.

Hazel turned to me and whispered, “Oh, and come and find me afterwards.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Her tone did not convey that message though. “I just… need to tell you something important.”

I hated when people left me on edge. Hazel gave me one last worried look as if she wished my class would last forever so she wouldn’t have to tell me whatever she wanted to tell me, before departing.

Usually, when the Praetor left, my students would all relax a little, fall out of formation and have a little joke with me. But these guys, being so new, they didn’t know me or how authoritative I was (which was basically not at all).

I impaled my sword into the ground (one of the smallest boys at the front gasped at the sound) so I could lean on it casually.

“Right,” I announced. “There are three rules for this class.”

They all nodded profusely.

“Number one,” I started, “I’m not a Roman.”

The small boy looked at his fellow comrades to check they were all as equally confused.

“That means,” I explained, “I’m not like my sister or any of the other legionnaires who walk around with a gladius up their backsides.”

Half of them snorted. The other half looked like they wanted to, but they’d held it in. Progress.

“That means I don’t expect you to do so while in this class.”

I could feel them warming towards me.

“It also means I have lower back problems from my slouching but that’s another conversation.”

They were all smiling now.

“Rule number two,” I continued, thoroughly enjoying myself, “there are no stupid questions. In fact, I’d prefer the questions. I’d love if you asked me questions. Even if you’re asking why Hazel would employ such a boring, crappy teacher to teach this class.”

I could tell they were relaxing, slouching slightly and none of them were trying to hide their expressions anymore.

“And rule number three,” I announced. I leaned towards them and whispered, “I use pretty unorthodox teaching methods, and I’m sure we’ll have a lot of fun. But in essence, I never really bothered to ask if I’m allowed to so… I won’t tell if you don’t.”

Chapter Text

I could safely say that the new Roman campers were thrilled about me being their new teacher.

“Okay, shall we start off by getting to know everyone’s names?” I asked. I knew a lot of the other Roman Legionnaires went straight into what they had to say, not really bothering who they were teaching. I definitely did it differently. I needed to know who I was talking to. I wanted to know them.

“Let’s go round,” I suggested. “Tell me your name and…” When I’d first started teaching, I’d ask everyone who their godly parent was. I now actively refrained from it because I didn’t think it was important when getting to know someone.

“And your favourite ice cream flavour,” I finished.

The smallest boy at the front stepped forward. “I’m Andrew,” he declared. “And I like bubblegum.”

The others went round in turn. Alexandria (strawberry), Darren (mint chocolate chip), Yannis (caramel), Imraj (vanilla), Michaela (blue).

“I think you mean blue raspberry,” Alexandria told Michaela.

Michaela shook her head. “I don’t like raspberry. It’s just the flavour blue.”

I nodded approvingly. “Blue is a tasty colour.”

After the rest of them had gone, Andrew asked, “What about you, Nico?”

“Oh,” I thought, feeling oddly weird about the question (which was weird in itself since I’d asked it in the first place). When the answer came to me though, I realised why. “I like… pralines and cream.”

“You don’t sound like it,” joked Darren.

I waved them away, internally cursing my brain for screwing myself over and praying that I’d forget about the memories of a colourfully lit city, dark water and sparkling blue eyes smiling at the taste of pralines and cream.

“Sorry,” I told them, trying to restrain myself from holding my stomach after what felt like a physical blow to the chest. “I just got sidetracked for a moment there.”

A couple of them looked at each other in confusion.

“Anyway,” I quickly said, “Let’s start with some basic sword technique.”

I plucked my sword from the ground and faced them. I showed them how to stand and how to hold their weapons correctly. I had them practice their footwork with partners and how to hold the sword for defence. They picked it up quick and after that, we even had some time to start on offence technique. I watched their intent little faces focusing on my every movement as I demonstrated a simple horizontal swipe attack.

“You can practice on each other,” I told them after I’d finished explaining. One of my favourite things about teaching was to observe how much they’d learnt, how much help I’d been in shaping their technique. “But the receivers need to make sure they’re in full defence mode so no one gets hurt.”

Unfortunately, even though I’d said that, there was always someone who forgot to defend themselves to oncoming attacks. A girl named Marie lunged at Andrew and instead of using his sword to parry her attack like I’d taught him, he shrieked and sidestepped out of the way. Unsurprisingly, he wasn’t fast enough and the tip of Marie’s sword drew a long line down his forearm.

Marie gasped. “Oh my gods, Andrew! I’m so sorry!”

The other kids also gathered around him to see what the damage was.

“Okay, okay, everyone,” I called out loudly. “Let me through.”

The kids parted a way for me and I hurried to Andrew who was sporting a deep gash on his arm. I tried not to react with anything that would scare him but it looked pretty bad, especially with the blood pooling out of it. These were only training swords so the wounds wouldn’t kill, but they could still cause some nasty damage.

“I think that’s enough for today anyway,” I announced. “Everyone else can go back to their barracks while I help Andrew.”

They all collected their armour, weapons, straightened their posture and hurried off.

“Come on,” I beckoned. “I’ll show you where the healing tent is.”

Andrew scuttled up to me, and by my surprise, took my hand. His was all sweaty and muddy but it still sparked some happiness inside me. I noticed he felt upset though.

“Don’t worry that you didn’t block the attack,” I told him in a what I hoped was soothing voice. “This is exactly what lessons are for. It’s not your fault at all. In fact, I noticed your attack was probably the best out of everyone’s.”

He perked up a bit. “Really?”

I nodded. “And some people say that offence is the best defence.”

“Do you say that?”

My mind wandered over to camp Half Blood, and to Sherman Yang, son of Ares. “Sometimes,” I answered vaguely. “But I know a guy who swears by it back where I’m from.”

Andrew was silent for moment and I chose to just ask. “Are you a son of Mars?”

“He’s going to be really disappointed in me now, isn’t he?” Andrew said glumly by way of replying.

“If he is, then he’s an idiot,” I said frankly.

Andrew gasped but with a massive smile on his face. “Nico!”

I shrugged. “Everyone needs to learn. And everyone gets scars. I think Mars would be just smart enough to appreciate that.”

Andrew chuckled and I was happy I’d cheered him up a bit.

“We did already visit the healing tent on the tour earlier this week,” he told me, seemingly totally indifferent to his wound as he hadn’t even looked at it since we’d started walking.

“Oh, so you’ve met Pranjal?”

We’d just crossed the field and now we were heading through the outskirts of the camp.

“Pranjal?” Andrew asked.

“The head healer,” I clarified. Pranjal and I had never been close but throughout my teaching here, I’d had to take more than one injured demigod to get medical attention. He was a sweet guy. Like Hazel, he was of age to go to college but stayed because he enjoyed what he did.

Andrew clearly had no idea who I was talking about. “He must have been out when you visited,” I assumed out loud.

“No, there was a healer we met,” he said thoughtfully. “I can’t remember his name though…”

We’d reached the tent now. A white cloth peaked entrance invited us in, and the sweet  smell of medicine hit me, inducing so many complex emotions in my heart, I felt a bit dizzy. It helped that the scent was mixing with the smell of the stables next door where they housed their unicorns.

“Wallace or something,” Andrew muttered.

Huh?

Did Hazel get a new healer? Why hadn’t she told me? Not that she had to tell me anything that went on in camp Jupiter but it would’ve been nice to know. I guessed it wasn’t a big deal anyway. Or maybe Andrew was just confused. Being a new demigod was a lot to take in and the name of the camp healer was an easily forgettable detail.

“Oh, no!” Andrew exclaimed. “Maybe it was Winston.”

I smiled and rolled my eyes just as we passed the threshold of the tent.

My heart started beating faster as if it knew who was in the vicinity before I’d even saw him. I knew his aura though. That warmth, the way he made me flushed and tingly, the colours that exploded in my brain, always knowing nothing but positive emotions.

Except when he’d completely shattered all that.

“Will,” I said in a husk of a voice, my mouth gone dry from my flight or fight response kicking in. The sheer load of memories that crashed down onto my shoulders made me feel lightheaded. I couldn’t even put a name to what I was feeling.

“That was it!” Andrew said happily. “Will Solace.”

It was Will Solace alright. My brain was tempted to do a double take just to make sure but I’d know him anywhere. I knew every line of his face, his body, the creases and curves in his arms, the freckles dotted across his cheeks.

Will Solace looked at me and I couldn’t believe I was here again, wanting him, wanting to kill him. He looked at me and everything melted away. Except it didn’t. He was here but he hadn’t been for four months. Where had he been ? What he’d done to me was unforgivable but that was hard to remember when he looked this perfect. I could drown in those fucking eyes even if they were looking at me as if I was the last person he wanted to see. My thoughts jumbled in and out as if the sight of him had destroyed my ability to think clearly.

“This is Andrew,” I managed to get out. The small boy bounded across the tent and presented his arm to Will. “He hurt his arm.”

And that was all I could muster. I swiftly turned around and hurried out. I couldn’t let him speak to me. I’d run from a lot of things in my time, but this seemed to be the most huge, the most important to get away from.

The small, “Nico,” I heard Will say after me, almost desperate, almost indifferent at the same time. It was enough to completely break me.

Chapter Text

I didn’t turn back.

I’d like to think that it was easy not to turn back after what Will had done to me, but honestly? I’d had to force myself to keep walking the entire way.

I could feel my tears heating up my face, making my eyes feel swollen and my cheeks feel tingly. Every step felt like a million miles when my mind raced through so many thoughts, I couldn’t keep track. The good, the great, the bad, the unthinkable . Memories zipping through in high definition as if for the months I’d attempted to block them out, they’d just grown stronger, building up behind a dam that had just been broken by the presence of Will Solace.

I knew where I was going but I was still surprised when the door to the Praetors’ quarters came up in front of me. The golden trim surrounding the purple painted patterns blurred in my wet vision and I wiped my eyes carelessly on my shirt before knocking.

Only a couple of seconds later, the door swung open and Frank Zhang emerged in maroon pyjamas and a sleepy expression.

“Nico?” he yawned. “Hello.”

“Hi, Frank.”

Gods, he could definitely tell I’d been crying by the way he shuffled nervously and looked behind him awkwardly.

“Is Hazel in there?” I asked. I didn’t have the energy for pleasantries. I hoped Frank would understand based on the fact that we’d spent a lot more time together since I’d moved here a year ago. Plus, I also knew he didn’t want to be talking to an emotional son of Hades for a minute longer than he had to.

“She’s just putting her robe on,” he answered, clearly also wishing Hazel would hurry up.

She appeared in the doorway with worry creasing her face. “Do you want to go for a walk?” she asked, immediately reading the situation, thank gods.

I nodded, not wanting to start crying in front of Frank.

Hazel smiled at her boyfriend who shut the door behind her and I started walking in a daze.

“You know what’s happened.” It was a statement; I didn’t need to ask.

“I can guess…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” It wasn’t accusatory, just more despairingly than I would’ve liked. I guessed I didn’t need to hide my emotions with Hazel though.

“I was going to,” she replied. “We just didn’t have time before your class and I never thought you’d see him until tomorrow at least.”

We headed out and down the path. We both knew where we were going. “Surely this has been in the works for a while,” I said, getting more annoyed that she hadn’t told me and that I’d been blindsided. “He didn’t just come here on a whim.”

She didn’t respond straight away. We got all the way to the shrines before she mumbled, “I was trying to protect you.”

“That worked out,” I grumbled sarcastically.

“Nico…” she pleaded softly as we reached Pluto’s shed of a shrine.

We both climbed on and I slumped down on the roof. Hazel laid down beside me, both of us looking at the stars. “I’m sorry,” I said. I couldn’t blame her for not wanting to tell me. And what difference did it make anyway?

“That’s okay. I know you’re hurt.”

“That’s a bit of an understatement.” Will had broken me beyond repair. At least, that’s what I’d believed for a good few weeks after he’d left. I still half believed it. In fact… scrap that. I believed it fully. Who was I kidding?

Hazel ignored me and started to explain. “You know Pranjal started university this September.”

I scoffed. “I did not.”

“Well that’s because you avoided him before he left,” she chided.

“I did not…” I trailed off to think about that. Had I avoided him? Maybe subconsciously he’d reminded me a bit too much of Will. I never intended to hurt him though.

“Either way,” Hazel continued, “we had to find a replacement. We sent out an advertisement to all of our friends and Will replied.”

“You had no other applicants?” I asked skeptically. “I find that hard to believe.”

“Of course we did,” Hazel replied, a little harshly. “But you wouldn’t want me to reject him just because of your personal history, would you? The campers deserve the best healer.”

I sighed. “Well, he is the best,” I conceded.

“Plus, he’s not the only healer,” she told me. “There are a few others who responded and they’re all working together.”

That was something, I guess. Now whenever I walked into the healer’s tent I could at least be seventy percent sure I wouldn’t get shot in the heart like a deer in open season.

That just made me wonder why Will would do this. Wouldn’t he know I would be here? What about the reasons he gave me for the breakup? Why did he come back anyway? Only after four months as well. It didn’t really make any sense.

“He came back for this?” I asked Hazel.

She shrugged, which I was expecting. “He said he’s come back for university. Picking up where he left off.”

That did not make things any clearer. “But why did he come back?” I asked, though I doubted she could give me an answer. It was more me wondering aloud.

“I thought you could tell me?” Hazel replied.

I looked at her. “Why on earth would I know?”

“Well, you could tell me why he left at least,” she explained. “That might help.”

I looked at a particularly bright star in the sky. It was separated off from most of the others but it shone the brightest. “I wish I knew,” I whispered. I’d asked myself that very question for months to no avail. Not that he didn’t give me reasons; he definitely did. Call it my unending skepticism, or my pathetic, ignorant heart, but I still felt like there were so many unanswered questions. That was maybe the reason I couldn’t move on.

Or maybe I couldn’t move on because my heart was in fucking pieces .

I could tell Hazel wanted to know more. I hadn’t told anyone what happened when Will had broken up with me, including her. Even talking about it seemed painfully impossible.

“There isn’t much to tell about it, honestly,” I told her. Nothing significant for her anyway.

“If you say so.”

We laid in silence for a couple of minutes, listening to the soft buzz of California, feeling the light breeze. “I know he hurt you bad,” Hazel said softly. “But you don’t have to speak to him. You don’t even have to see him. You shouldn’t have to run in the same paths.”

I snorted. “I’m unlucky that way, you know.”

She looked at me with a stern expression. “What’s funny is that your luck has improved drastically since your mindset also changed,” she told me. “After the loss of a four year relationship, you’re still able to be here, have friends, study, teach, find some happiness. Once upon a time, I knew a Nico who would’ve jumped into Tartarus for much less.”

I smiled. “I didn’t do that because I was depressed,” I pointed out. “That was just a happy coincidence.”

She rolled her eyes. “Would you have jumped into Tartarus whilst dating Will?”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t need to. Jumping into Tartarus was reckless and dangerous. I wouldn’t have done anything of the sort when Will Solace had loved me. At least… not in the absolutely foolhardy way I’d done five years ago.

“Exactly,” Hazel said triumphantly.

Maybe she did have a point. This didn’t have to be a big deal. At least, I couldn’t let Will know what a big deal it was. I tried to ignore the fact that our first encounter hadn’t exactly done anything to help me, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t turn that around. Although… every time I would see him would be a separate challenge, like fighting off enemy after enemy in a never ending battle of betrayal, love and pain.

“I don’t know how I’m going to cope with this,” I admitted, annoyed how broken my voice sounded.

Hazel took my hand and kissed my temple. “You will though,” she whispered and that was all she could say.

After a while, just before I was going to suggest we call it a night, Hazel turned to me again and asked cautiously as if I were an emotional time bomb, “Do you still love him?”

Well, at least she was finishing with an easy question. I sighed long and deep. “I wish I didn’t.”

*

The next day I was awoken by something tickling my nose. I thought it was the tufts of my blanket at first and tried to bat it away.

Then I heard Ambri sing song to me, “Little ickle Neeky poo needs to wake up.”

I groaned and rolled over onto my stomach. “Go away.”

I felt his weight sit down next to me. “You have a class in half an hour.”

“Not going,” I said, my voice muffled by my pillow.

“Since when do you miss classes?” he asked me. “You’re like the annoying student who goes to every one.”

Will had left just before summer last year so I’d had four months to recover (using that word extremely loosely). I guess this time, people would notice more when I stayed in bed all day.

“Go away,” I repeated anyway.

I could feel his eyes on the back of my head, obviously wondering what to do.

“What happened last night?” he asked softly after a moment.

I sighed into the bedsheets. I appreciated him as a friend, but this seemed too heavy, especially on a Tuesday morning. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I mumbled.

Ambrosius rubbed my back over the duvet. “That’s fine,” he said. “I’ll just be here with you.”

“Don’t you have a class?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I had to work overtime yesterday helping Mellie birth her calf. Shanon gave me the morning off today.”

Shanon was his supervisor at the vet he was completing his placement at. Being a son of the Roman goddess of wildlife, Fauna, he was a natural at it.

“I’m sure there are much more interesting things you could go and do,” I said, feeling self conscious about my depressive spiral.

“Nah,” he smiled. “I’ve got you.”

I rolled my eyes. When had he started being all sappy like this? “I liked you better when I didn’t know you as well,” I stated.

“So you think about how we met all the time?” he cooed.

“Go away.”

“I still remember it too, Nico, don’t be embarrassed.”

He went in to ruffle my hair but I blocked his advance with my outstretched hand and threw a pillow at his head. The sight of his now ruined hair made me smile somewhat, especially when he gave me a sarcastic pout.

“People with perfect hair deserve to have it ruined every once in a while,” I snickered.

Ambri tried his best to flatten his hair then laid down beside me, obviously trying to suppress a grin. “Do you remember what you said to me when Ranaisa introduced us last year?” he asked.

Ranaisa was our common friend, a therapist student like me. She knew Ambrosius because they’d dated on and off a few times (not that I knew much about that because I hadn’t ever wanted to intrude).

“No,” I lied.

“You said,” he replied slowly, dragging it out to annoy me, “‘You don’t look smart enough to realise it but the student modelling department is in the other building.’”

I pushed my pillow onto my own face this time and groaned loudly. To be fair to me, I’d just finished a seven hour day of lectures at the time (okay, it wasn’t an excuse). Ambri had looked like a model with his serene features, persistent dimples and calm smile. He’d completely taken me surprise in the following months when he’d actually been smart, funny and loyal.

Not far into our friendship, he knew about my sexuality (it was difficult for me to ever shut up about Will, before and after he’d left). Plus it had come up because he was from Brazil, a place I associated with my first pride festival. It was something difficult to hide around people now (not that I wanted to) and I hardly ever got a negative reaction but after telling him what was once my biggest grievance, it had pretty much cemented our friendship.

“Aren’t you supposed to be making me feel better?” I asked. “It feels like you’re just stroking your own ego.”

He smiled and his dimples grew more prominent. “All I’m trying to say is that even though you thought you were insulting me, inadvertently you actually made my day.”

I snorted. “I basically called you a moron.”

He shrugged. “That just made me want to prove you wrong. And I did.”

“Well, I guess that’s true…”

He smiled. “And I’m glad I did. Because now you’re one of my favourite people. And I’d pretty much do anything for you.”

My heart fluttered. “Thank you, Ambri.”

He hugged me. “Anytime. Now why don’t we go and have a lazy morning watching TV?”

I nodded and let him help me slide out of bed.

*

Ambrosius had asked Ranaisa and Ocean for their notes on the morning lecture so that ‘I didn’t miss out on anything’ so I felt a lot more relaxed with everything and let myself have a break as I tried my hardest to figure out what I felt.

Will Solace.

Fucking Will Solace.

Not literally. Well… maybe literally.

But whatever. I couldn’t decide how I felt about it. I admit, there was still some tiny (read: kind of huge) part of me that really fucking loved him. But that part of me, however unconditional (and it was pretty unconditional considering everything I’d been through) couldn’t be allowed to prevail.

Will had made his choice four months ago, and as much as I wanted to make excuses for him, talk to him to find out what his actual excuses were or just talk to him as if everything was normal, my mind had put a shield up in front of anything Will Solace related. That meant that my body now got relayed messages to carry out physical responses whenever I even thought about him, including a jack hammering heart, sweaty palms, and a large sense of rising fear directed at the unimaginable pain I’d been forced through.

The worst part about getting your heart demolished was the fact that you feel like you’re dying from the inside out, meanwhile the entire world views it as a typical cliche. Okay, maybe that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was definitely losing my Will. Because he wasn’t my Will anymore. He was just… Will.

And that thought recurring again and again in my mind as if it were taking blow after blow like a violent roundabout, not waiting for me to get back up was what made me realise that Will had done this to me. He wasn’t feeling the same because this was all his decision. It was time to move on.

After Ambri had left for his shift, my thoughts started to make me feel suffocated and I just had to get out of my apartment. I decided to go to Bombillo’s coffee shop. It felt good to get some fresh air, but what really improved my mood was the praline milkshake I ordered. I sat in the corner of the cafe, half staring into space, half taking small sips of nutty sweetness.

Bombillo walked over to me after some time and handed me another milkshake.

“I didn’t order this,” I said.

His head with curly hair smiled serenely while his head with the buzzcut looked across the shop gesturing to a certain guy with blonde hair sitting next to the window. “It’s on him,” he told me. “Along with this.”

He slid a plate over to me which had a single chocolate chip muffin.

I sighed, looking over to Will Solace who was pretending to look out of the window nonchalantly (I still knew how to tell when he was nervous)(his foot was tapping rhythmically on the floor and he was twisting his hands together probably because he didn’t have a bandage on him). “Thanks, Bombillo,” I said.

He nodded at me and turned around.

On an impulse I couldn’t completely understand, I called over to the waiter before he could walk away. “Could you tell him to come over please?”

Chapter Text

It felt like the world shifted a little when Will sat down opposite me. The light always seemed to catch in his hair and I hated how beautiful he was. The wind was sucked out of my lungs and what I’d been suspecting was brutally confirmed: I was definitely not over him.

Not that that mattered right now.

“Hi, Nico,” he said. Gods, even his voice . My mind gifted me with quick reminding memories of all the different circumstances he’d said my name. His declarations of love, his proposals, the intimate times we’d shared, just everyday. Why did I crave just his voice saying my name so much? Gods, I sounded pathetic . Why had nobody told me that breakups were this devastating ?

“Solace,” I managed, waiting for him to lead the conversation. As much as I hated him, I was actually desperate to know what his intentions were.

He gestured to the plate in front of me. “Do you still like chocolate muffins?”

What a stupid thing to ask. Of all the things he’d put me through, he comes out with that? For one, who stops disliking a flavour of muffin within the timeframe of four months? At the same time, it was so ridiculously Will, I hated myself for how much it made me happy.

“I’d take them or leave them,” I replied, refusing to drop his gaze. “Thanks for the milkshake...”

… and the heartbreak , I thought.

I took a long sip because Will obviously hadn’t rehearsed what he’d wanted to say and an awkward silence seemed to be settling over us. Since I’d known him, we’d never once had an awkward silence. We’d never had a lot of these new fun situations that felt all stabby in my chest, but here we were.

I slid a finger across the powdered sugar on the muffin plate and sucked it off my finger, giving him a questioning look, trying to be as nonchalant as possible, watching his eyes trace my expression.

“You look good,” he finally said.

I snorted. “All the crying definitely helped bring out the colour in my eyes, huh?”

Great. So much for being nonchalant.

A flicker of hurt crossed his face, like his body was cringing at me bringing up our breakup. Gods, even though it was his decision, he still was stupidly selfless. Or selfish, depending on how you looked at it.

“Sorry,” I said sarcastically between milkshake sips, “did you not want to talk about that?”

Will spread his hands on the table, giving me a nice view of his tan fingers. “We can talk about whatever you want,” he said sincerely.

A bubbling anger was threatening to overspill in me. “You came to talk to me for a reason,” I said. “What was it you wanted to say?”

“Nothing,” he replied, way too quickly, sounding kind of… nervous?

Was he for real? After everything, he had nothing to say to me? I was getting more and more confused by the second, and unlike when I was younger, I now knew what I deserved.

“Spit it out,” I encouraged.

Will pushed his chair back. “Okay, this wasn’t the best idea. I’m sorry, I’m just going to-“

“Leave again?” I asked. “No, stay. I’ve been waiting for this conversation for four months.”

I expected him to continue getting up, and to walk right through the door like he did on the worst day of my life. But he listened to me, he stayed put, despite me noticing the conflict going on in his head. I didn’t feel guilty for making him uncomfortable though; he had made his bed.

I knew deep down that he wasn’t a bad person though. He’d done what he’d had to do, hadn’t he? I’d tried telling myself that for weeks and it had never helped, but repeating that to myself now made my anger subside somewhat.

“You look good too,” I offered. And this time, I couldn’t hold his gaze. I was second guessing everything I was saying. Should I have told him that? Surely he knows already anyway. Will had never had confidence issues about his appearance.

What was really annoying though was that he looked even more beautiful than I’d remembered (and you’d think I’d remember him pretty clearly after our relationship). His skin was bronzer, his eyes shinier and he’d definitely gotten more toned, especially in his arms. How was that fair?

“You grew your hair out,” he stated.

True. Initially it was to hide my tattoo of his name inked behind my ear. Thanks to Hades (after literal begging on my part) he’d granted me my “extremely demanding” (his words) wish and removed it for me.

“It keeps my ears warm,” I replied. ”I see you’ve cut yours. Probably at some point. Since it’s the same length.”

Will’s mouth twitched. “Thanks for noticing.”

I really didn’t feel like eating but Will knew I didn’t eat when I was upset and I didn’t want him thinking I was upset, so I broke off a small chuck of muffin and popped it into my mouth. “How come you’ve come back?” I asked, wanting to get onto a conversation I was actually curious about after trying (and failing miserably) to reduce the awkwardness between us.

Will looked uncomfortable like he didn’t want to be too honest with me. If we’d still been together I would’ve called him out on it, but as it was, I guess he didn’t owe me anything anymore.

“Did your business fail?” I asked, referring to the practice him and Jasmine Anderson (our Egyptian healer friend) had set up over a year ago. “That is why you left in the first place, right? So what? It’s gone under? That must’ve been truly embarrassing on your part since it was funded by the literal god of riches.”

“Gods, Nico,” he whispered, and I regretted being so harsh. It was one of those things where it felt necessary to do in the moment, but afterwards, I realised it didn’t make me feel any better at all. It was how I’d dealt with heartbreak my entire life, but I liked to think I was a bit maturer now. Maybe? Hopefully.

I refrained from apologising though. That would’ve been a bit too far.

“Our practice is still going strong,” Will replied quietly. “And like I said to you at the time, that wasn’t the only reason why I left-“

“Because you had so many reasons to leave?”

I needed to rein it in. I could feel myself about to cry.

Will looked down at his hands, like he couldn’t bear to watch the damage he’d caused.

“Surely you know how I felt about you-“

“I’m going to stop you right there,” I interrupted. “I refuse to sit here and listen to you telling me vague truths and even vaguer lies.” Plus, the past tense in that sentence made me want to retch. “Let’s just rewind and you tell me why you’ve come back.”

It looked like Will was having a harder time than I was, but I knew in my completely severed heart that that couldn’t be the case. He swallowed and after a moment said, “Our practice is up and running smoothly now. We’re trying to recruit other demigods to help us so we’re able to have a bit more flexibility.”

The way he was talking, like he didn’t really care about what he saying was making me feel crazy. “That doesn’t answer my question,” I pointed out.

Will hummed. “Okay, well… I got notified by the university,” he explained, “that they appreciated what I was doing but if I didn’t come back now, I couldn’t carry on. They were pretty lenient with me at the end of last year and I think that was because I was involved in medical practice of some degree, but…” He shrugged. “I guess even they have their limits.”

I took a moment to digest that. “So you were forced back here?” I summed up.

“I had to make a choice,” he told me. “Whether I wanted to become an actual doctor or not. It wasn’t really a hard decision.”

So I wasn’t important enough for him to consider staying, but I guess New Rome University was. I wondered if he’d thought leaving me had been a ‘ hard decision ’.

I sighed, pushing my feelings down. “You would’ve been good enough without the degree, Solace,” I told him.

He didn’t smile at my compliment. “Thanks,” he said. “But it’s about wanting to be the best I can be for the people asking for my help.”

I nodded, hating how much I loved him. Why did this always happen to me? Even though the feelings were real, I was young and naive with Percy Jackson. With Will, I had thought I’d never have to feel like that again. And somehow, here I was back in an unreciprocated relationship.

I wanted to ask him to confirm the real reasons he left me, however brutal. I wanted to know for my curiosity, and probably a little bit to feed my self hatred. Maybe I could be better with the next person I decided to love, although I couldn’t see that happening in a million years.

I got the impression that Will wasn’t exactly in the opening up mood right now though. Was it too soon? Would I even get the opportunity to ask again?

Based on the fact that I assumed we wouldn’t really speak again, I decided to ask.

“Why-“

But (fortunately or unfortunately?) I was interrupted when Ocean walked into the cafe, spotted me and made a beeline for the corner.

“Girl, I’ve been looking for you everywhere today,” she exclaimed, scooting onto the booth beside me. “Where have you been?” She looked up at Will and gave me a sly smile that made me a bit uncomfortable considering the situation. “Sorry, am I interrupting something?”

“Ever the observational type, Ocean,” I drawled. Before she could make any inappropriate comments about me and Will, I quickly said, “This is Will Solace.”

It was surprising she hadn’t met him yet, considering I’d known her for over half a year. I guess they just hadn’t run in the same circles. Yet.

Ocean’s expression turned to strong dislike so quickly, it was as if someone had forced her to suck on a lemon. She hadn’t met him but she definitely knew him by name. “It’s nice to meet you,” she said unconvincingly. This girl could not hide her feelings at all.

Will, not being a complete moron caught on and cleared his throat. “Yeah, um, you too, Ocean. I’ve heard good things.” He gave a severely unconvincing smile. “Well, I better, um, leave you two to it then.”

And off he went, right through the door. I followed his figure a second longer than I wanted to allow myself before turning to Ocean. “That was rude.”

She scoffed dramatically. “To the guy who fucked you over like that?”

I rolled my eyes. “He didn’t do anything wrong,” I mumbled. “And he’s still a person with feelings.”

“He’s still a person who is fucking hot,” she replied. “I mean, I always knew you were smitten with him, but you never told me how jaw droppingly sexy he was.”

I smiled despite myself.

“I mean,” she continued, “he is delightful to look at. You got with him? Damn.”

I slapped her arm. “Shut up.”

“I’d hit that,” she said, ignoring me.

“Ew,” I exclaimed.

“Obviously I wouldn’t for your sake,” she assured. “But like, gods, I would.”

“Thanks for clearing that up.”

Ocean pulled me into a sideways hug. “How are you doing though, seriously, babe?”

I shrugged. “I’ve been better.”

She kissed my forehead. “Do you want to tell me what the Pluto has been happening?”

I nodded and started to tell her everything.

Chapter Text

I was currently trying to get my head back into ‘Valdez’ mode after not seeing Leo for a while and I was finding myself actually coping.

“Anyway,” Leo was saying to my sister as we all sat in the praetors’ office, “I’m so glad you decided to hit me up! I always knew that I was the best at everything but it’s nice to know you think so too!”

He hadn’t changed much, except he had a fine layer of facial hair on his chin and he dressed a lot better (as in, he wasn’t currently covered in machine oil, which was a low bar and also probably subject to change soon).

Hazel sat in her chair, looking regal as always. She tried to look unimpressed but I knew she had also missed Leo and she did have a soft spot for him. “All I did was ask you to teach a workshop,” she replied.

“And it’s going to be the best workshop you’ve ever attended!” he exclaimed.

“I don’t think she’ll be attending,” I cut in.

Leo pouted. “But how do you expect to learn how to be the best if you don’t take the time to listen to the best?”

Hazel rolled her eyes. “I’m the praetor, Valdez.”

“Praetor shmeator,” he said, which reminded me just how childish he still was. Although… I didn’t dislike it.

“She could order an army of Romans to personally extract you from the camp,” I said. “Not that it would take more than a couple of ten year olds.”

Leo gasped, then nodded serenely. “I have no comeback for that. Have you seen how ferocious the ten year olds are here?”

I grinned because I had, and I had also helped train said ferociousness.

“Those ‘ferocious’ kids are going to be your students,” Hazel reminded him.

Leo pulled an anxious face. “I better make a start on creating some extra impenetrable armour for the event.” He sarcastically shivered at the thought of teaching cute, Roman kids about textiles.

I couldn’t hold in my laugh. “I’ll attend too,” I said before I could stop myself.

“Oh, for flip sake,” Leo stated. “Now you might as well sign my death warrant before the class even starts. You two should be able to help with that, right?”

Hazel grinned. “I’ll be the first to sign your death certificate,” she promised. “And I’ll give you a fast pass ticket across the Styx.”

“But then he won’t have time to appreciate the river,” I pointed out. “It’s such a nice view.”

Hazel hummed in agreement. “I’ll hook you up to the slowest river crossing drachma will buy, don’t you worry, Valdez.”

Leo saluted. “That’s all I ask.” He turned to me. “Oh and also that you don’t kill me during my workshop if you can’t handle the fact that I’m better than you at something.”

I held my hands up. “I’m nothing if not humble.”

Hazel filled Leo in about when they were scheduling workshops and then asked him where he was planning to stay for the next month or so.

“I stayed in that hotel last time,” he said. “The one Nico recommended. I have to admit though, cash is kinda tight at the moment.”

Hazel nodded. “We can find you a bunk in the barracks,” she offered.

“Or you could stay at my place,” I blurted, surprising myself. Something about Leo comforted me and if he was only staying for a month, I wanted him to be close to me. I always knew I’d liked him but now, during one of the worst times of my life, I fully appreciated how much of a friend he really was.

“So you can murder me in my sleep?” Leo joked.

I raised my eyebrows, daring him to accept my offer, actually curious to see if he would.

He shrugged. “Sure! Why not? Going to stay with my bro, Nico. Going to practice the dark arts in the middle of the night to see if we can summon some ghosts. I’m psyched.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re not good enough for that unfortunately.”

“That wounds me,” he pretend choked. “I’m going to need to pay a visit to your boyfriend to put me back together.”

Well, there went my good mood. Bam. Like a kick in the shin.

I looked to Hazel who was intentionally looking through some papers on her desk. I took a deep breath. “Actually-“

Before I could say anything though, an urgent knock came at the door.

Hazel looked up. “Come in.”

It was Terrel, the standard bearer. She looked out of breath. “Praetor,” she panted. “Some of the legacies are fighting down by the barracks.”

Hazel pushed her chair back. “What? Again?” she exclaimed as she hurried off. “Where’s Frank? I swear he always makes me deal with these things…”

Leo and I didn’t hear anything else though because then they were gone. I was kind of relieved about the distraction though because I didn’t really want to continue that conversation.

“Come on,” I said to Leo. “I’ll show you my apartment.”

*

After Leo had settled in, he decided to go catch up with Percy and Annabeth so I decided to catch up on some of the work Ambri and Ocean had dropped off for me. I sat down on my corner desk and tried not to be distracted by the warm colours of the sunset outside my window as I used up a large amount of yellow highlighter in attempt to get things to stick into my brain.

Halfway through fluorescentising my book, Ambri came home with Ocean in tow. They knocked on my door with the added bonus of a wolf whistle.

“Hey, Nicooooooooo,” I heard Ambri call. “We have good newwwsssss.”

I smiled. “Come in.”

I swear the door opened before I’d even said it and they clambered in and collapsed on my bedspread.

“Excuse me, but whose suitcase is by the door?” Ocean asked me after she’d grabbed a pillow, placed it under her elbows and propped herself up with her legs in the air behind her.

“My friend, Leo, is staying for a few weeks,” I replied, capping my highlighter (more than a bit gratefully).

Ocean sighed in relief. “Thank the gods,” she cried. “I thought you’d taken your ex back already.”

Ambri’s eyes shot up and looked between us. “Your ex?”

Oh, right. I forgot I hadn’t told him. “It’s not a big deal,” I lied. “Will just moved back here and… yeah.”

Gods, I was pathetic. I thought I’d gotten better at articulating myself. Apparently not. I looked to Ocean for help.

Ocean cleared her throat. “Nico is struggling because his ex, who is super hot by the way and is also the dumper by the way has come back and they haven’t seen each other for monthsss and Will bought him a muffin the other day which was a huge, intimate inside joke they had when they were together and Nico is just freaking the fuck out.”

Ambrosius looked shocked for some reason. Subtly, but I knew him enough to tell.

I groaned. “Can you stop talking about how attractive he is? You’re not helping.”

Ocean held her hands out. “I’m sorry,” she chuckled. “I’m just speaking my truth.”

“Well, you don’t need to tell me,” I whispered bitterly.

“So just asking for a friend,” Ocean continued, “but does he swing my way?”

I gave her an unimpressed look.

“What?” she asked. “My friend really wants to know.”

I rolled my eyes, knowing she was joking but still unable to laugh about it. “He swings all ways,” I muttered, “except mine apparently.”

“Aw, honey…” Ocean said comfortingly. “That’s obviously not true. He spent four years with you.”

I sighed and turned to Ambri who was looking distressed for some reason. “What’s with you?”

He shrugged. “I guess I knew you had a bad breakup so I wasn’t expecting him to come back… or for you to entertain it.”

“Whoa whoa,” I replied indignantly. “I am not entertaining anything. In fact, I spent the whole time insulting him.” I thought back to his stupid gorgeous face and my heart stung. “And I hope I don’t see him again.”

Ocean and Ambri looked at each other, but before they could say anything else about this awful topic, I changed it. “Anyway, did you say you had good news?”

Ocean picked up immediately, though I could sense Ambri making mental notes for later.

“Oh my gods, girl, wait until you hear this!” Ocean exclaimed. “You know the comedy club down by the river?”

I pulled a face. “You mean the dingy pub where people tell shitty jokes?”

Ambri rolled his eyes. “Well, sorry, Mr. My Dad Is The God Of Riches.”

I shrugged. “My point stands.”

“It’s called ‘The Rainbow Toad’,” Ambri informed me.

I gave him a thumbs up to show him how much I valued that information.

“Well, I put in applications and we all got parts in the next comedy show!” Ocean cried as she clapped her hands together and kicked her feet backwards and forwards like an excited teenager.

I smiled. “Wow, that’s great, guys.” I always knew they both loved theatre and acting. Any opportunity to be dramatic, I guess. “When’s the opening show? I’ll try to get front row seats but I’m not really free at midday on Wednesdays.”

“Ha ha,” Ambrosius mocked.

“And what are you talking about?” Ocean said after she finished laughing. “I think you got confused when I said ‘we’.”

I looked at her. “No.”

“Yes,” they both said.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

They both looked at me with puppy dog eyes, batting their eyelids and giving me massive fake smiles.

Oh, what the Hades. It couldn’t hurt, could it?

I groaned dramatically. “Fine.”

They squealed.

Chapter Text

As it turned out, I had a lot of fun preparing for the comedy show. Between rehearsals and my university work, it meant that I didn’t get much time to myself which was exactly what I needed at this point. I kept insisting that I wasn’t the best actor but the director of the show/owner of the pub, Ash gave me the role of a cishet, white guy with homophobic tendencies for the ‘irony’.

The set basically consisted of this dumbass man (me/Lionel) and his wife (Ranaisa/Milly) trying their hardest to promote all of the things wrong with the world, while every other character around them schemed up hilarious ways to prank them and screw with their heads.

I knew Ash loosely since they were friends with Annabeth and Percy, but because of the same reason, I hadn’t really gotten to know them until now. I regretted my previous judgement of this pub being a sad spot for cheap drinking because the dialogues they came up with for the set make me die of laughter. It was harder practising not to laugh during the rehearsals than to actually remember my lines.

“Why have I been cast as a main character?” I moaned to Ocean and Ambrosius when Ash had declared the roles.

“Because you’re a dramatic little bitch and everyone knows you’ll be amazing,” Ocean replied.

I rolled my eyes. “They picked the worst part for me then.”

“Nah,” said Ambri. “This is a part you were born to play.”

Somehow, I doubted it. But as the rehearsals went on, I realised that my stoic manner and subtle gay mannerisms really added to Lionel’s character. I found myself getting more into it as the days went by until I was fully embracing my inner Lionel off and on stage.

That meant that when Ocean annoyed me, I’d just say something like, “Stop being so gay, it’s disgusting.” Or when Ambri annoyed me, I’d pull out another Lionel special: “Why did you come over here just to steal our jobs and our women?”

“Can you stop being Lionel for one hour, for Fauna’s sake,” Ambri groaned as he tried to do the dishes in peace one lunchtime.

“You forced this character upon me,” I replied. “Now you shall have to deal with Lionel until the day you die.”

“I want to die now,” he grumbled, finishing off a plate.

“Please,” I stated. “I think you hate Lionel so much because he reminds you of yourself.”

He laughed. “How on Olympus am I like him?”

“Well, first of all, he’s straight,” I replied.

He paused a second too long. “Is that it?” he asked, unimpressed.

I thought about it. “He’s dating Ranaisa,” I added.

Ambri scoffed. “That was a month and a half mistake if anything.”

I leaned over the kitchen counter. “Why? She seems so nice.”

He shrugged. “It just didn’t work out,” he replied vaguely, never really wanting to talk about her. “Not my type I guess.”

I hummed. Fair enough. “Who is your type?” 

He took a few moments to respond, finishing up the dishes and turning off the tap with a squeak. “I’m not sure, to be honest,” he said.

I laughed at him, not believing a word. “That’s a steaming pile of Colchis bull.”

He shrugged. “It’s true.”

“Okay, Ambrosius,” I replied sarcastically.

“What?” he laughed. “It is.”

I held out my hands. “Okay, Ambrosius,” I repeated.

He smiled and shook his head. He grabbed a packet of crisps from the cupboard and started crunching on them.

“I have to go,” I told him. “Leo’s class is this afternoon and I said I’d help him set up before the rest of the Romans arrive.”

“See you later,” Ambri waved with his mouth full.

I pulled on my shoes. “Don’t think I’m forgetting this conversation about your love life,” I warned. “I’ll be back with reinforcements. You can’t lie to Ocean.”

Ambri saluted me as I headed off for camp Jupiter.

*

“What the Hades is this?” I asked, not bothering to hide my disgust.

I’d walked into the room behind the forges where Leo would be teaching and scattered on the ten round tables were varying pieces of junk.

“Gods, I knew you were messy,” I said, “I’ve had the first hand pleasure of realising that since you’ve been living on my sofa.” (Finding bits of metals, wood and gadgets that may or may not spring to life unexpectedly was now what I woke up to in the morning). “But I thought you’d have a bit more respect for a formal Roman teaching session.”

A second later, a huge heat brushed past my face, making my fight or flight instinct jump. My mouth gaped open at Leo who still had his hand outstretched.

“Sorry about that, little bro,” he said, smiling, knowing exactly what he’d done. “I was just lighting the lantern over there. Like you said, we’ve got no time to waste.”

I gritted my teeth. “Don’t forget I have access to where you sleep, ‘ little bro ’.”

Leo laughed placidly. “If you wanted nighttime cuddles, you could’ve just asked! I would’ve been happy to oblige.”

I face palmed in annoyance. “Can we stop wasting time talking about scenarios that will never happen please?”

Leo moved his eyebrows up and down suggestively. “When you say, ‘never’-“

“Leo!”

“Fine, fine, fine,” he relented. “To be continued.”

“No-“

“So regarding your ignorant question from earlier,” he said quickly. “These aren’t bits of junk!” He picked up a piece of metal that had been ripped in half by something. “What would you do with this if you found it?”

I studied it. “You mean after I whacked you over the head with it?”

He nodded enthusiastically.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Get rid of it in a sustainable way?”

Leo patted me on the back. “Thanks for thinking about the environment, buddy,” he said. “But you sound stupid.”

“Watch it.”

“And this is what this workshop is all about!” he exclaimed.

I gave him an unimpressed stare.

“Don’t you worry,” he assured. “You’ll fit right in with the kids. In fact, if you don’t learn anything, then dinner’s on me.”

“We have leftovers from yesterday,” I pointed out.

Leo groaned. “Gods, you’re always so boring, di Angelo! Fine, I’ll put your leftovers in the microwave for you. Happy?”

I pulled a face. “I’d rather my reward be something that didn’t involve you getting too close to my food actually.”

Leo nodded. “Well, that’s good then. You win either way.”

I rolled my eyes. “I cannot believe I’m having this conversation.”

I followed Leo around as he made final touches to the piles of junk on the tables, though it didn’t look like he was doing much other than rearranging it to show different bits of rubbish on top.

After he was done, he gave me a smile that I knew was trying to hide his nervousness. “I’m sure the kids will enjoy,” I offered. “And learn at least something, even if it is to avoid the fireproof madman around camp.”

Leo smiled gratefully. “And you’ll learn too,” he prompted.

I just shrugged. Maybe I would learn something.

Just then, the forges door opened heavily and Frank let the kids of the first cohort in. They filed around the tables as Leo told them where to sit. Frank gave Leo a thumbs up and Leo responded by throwing a fireball past Frank’s head at the remaining lamp in the room. I was starting to think it was his signature move.

Either way, Frank slammed the door shut behind him in response, and everyone else whistled appreciatively. Leo winked at me. “I told you I’d be a good teacher.”

I rolled my eyes. “I never said you wouldn’t be. Just don’t call them stupid,” I warned in a whisper. “Unless you want a gladius somewhere you definitely wouldn’t want it. They’re not as understanding as me.”

Leo winked. “What do you take me for? I’m very tactful.”

That was just about as much warning I got to suspect he’d definitely done something very ironically un tactful. The door opened for the last student. Except it wasn’t a student.

It was Will.

Chapter Text

“Hi, Will!” Leo said cheerfully. “I’ve saved you and Nico a couple of spaces on the table at the back!”

Will and I made eye contact and an electric shock of something zipped through my body. He still had one hand on the door as if he was about to leg it out of here. Was he afraid of me or something? His demeanour made my anger subside a little and something else emerged. Something I hadn’t felt for a while, but it wasn’t new: I wanted him to like me.

Besides, wasn’t this my own fault for avoiding this subject with Leo for an entire week? I was half hoping Hazel had told him or even Will himself had mentioned it during their catch ups. It wasn’t that far fetched since Leo hadn’t asked any questions as to why Will and I weren’t together at all during his visit. But I guess not.

“Thanks, Leo,” I said loudly and took the chair he was pointing to.

Will still hung by the door, pretending to check something between his fingernails, obviously debating whether to make an excuse or not. Holy Hades, what was wrong with him?

“I’m not going to bite, you know,” I said, raising an eyebrow at him.

He finally got the hint and came to sit next to me as Leo cleared his throat and begun his class. My body apparently still hadn’t gotten the memo about the breakup because Will’s proximity didn’t do any favours for me trying to keep calm. Gods, even his smell … I took a deep breath in before realising how pathetic I was being and tried to disguise it as a sigh.

“Hey, my Roman pals,” Leo started, demonstrating his childishness and unwavering enthusiasm at the same time. “Praetor Levesque has asked me to give her peeps a class on craftsmanship! So let’s be honest, this is going to be way more fun than your clunky sword classes.”

I rolled my eyes. I caught Andrew’s eye from the other corner of the room and he mouthed, “I like your classes.”

I smiled gratefully at him.

“So,” Leo continued, “what can everyone see on their tables?” He gestured to me. “And don’t say ‘junk’ like Nico over here who can’t appreciate pretty things.”

I stared at him. Will nudged me, snapping me back to reality. Did he just touch me? Did he do it by accident? Well, no because he was looking at me with his intense blue eyes and he was speaking. “He’s just mad you’ve never called him pretty,” he whispered, giving me an excuse to stare at his lips.

I was pretty sure I was spending way too much time just looking at him instead of speaking and I pinched myself to snap out of it. I snorted. “Or he’s jealous I’m paying more attention to the junk than I am to him.”

Will’s eyes sparkled as he chucked. Even that small exchange made my heart flutter and my mind melted back to a year ago when everything had been perfect. Why was speaking to him still so enjoyable? Maybe we could be friends? Or at least have small civil conversations every now and again?

After several people trying and failing to get into Leo’s wavelength (“No, they’re not ‘bits n bobs’, Martha.”), he finally put us out of our misery. “They’re opportunities !” he exclaimed dramatically, picking up something that looked suspiciously like a half melted tin can and shoving it in a small girl’s face. “Look at all these glorious opportunities!”

“Gods, Leo,” Will chided. “Stop spraying burnt cola and spit into poor Jessie’s face.”

I cracked up, trying to be as silent as I could. Only Will Solace could be protective and funny at the same time.

Leo noticed and took a step back. “My apologies, Jess,” he said. “But my point stands!” He walked back to the front of the class and spread his hands. “Out in the middle of nowhere, where most demigods find themselves probably more than once, all you’ll have are pieces like these. And you’ll need to know how to create things that’ll greatly increase your chance of survival. Here…”

Leo then proceeded to show us how he would make a weapon out of a stick, duck tape, an empty plastic bottle and some loose screws.

“He and the weapon have the loose screws in common,” Will whispered to me. I full on laughed then (luckily Leo was loudly demonstrating how to hammer something without a hammer so he didn’t hear me).

“Shut up,” I hissed, nudging him. That was a bad idea though because I realised that yes, his arm muscles were definitely bigger than when I’d last seen him and why did the gods want to punish me like this?

After Leo had demonstrated some basic skills, he put us all to work, creating our own as he supervised. I picked up a few scraps that were in front of me and tried to figure out what to do with them and how to get over the urge to throw them in the bin.

“I’m not really the creative type,” I grumbled to myself, the ADHD in me telling me to build a tower of junk instead of doing anything useful.

“Creativity can mean different things,” Will replied. “I for one think that jenga tower is just as impressive as Leo’s weapon. It takes dexterity.”

I rolled my eyes. He always did this. Complimented me but with subtle sarcasm so that I’d actually take it without complaint. And I didn’t complain; I didn’t respond at all though.

“Have you noticed how he’s popping stuff into his tool belt when he thinks no one is looking?” Will asked me after a few moments.

I tried to hide my smile. “I doubt he cares if anyone’s looking,” I replied. “Everyone knows he’s basically in love with this stuff.”

Will chuckled. “Oh to be young and in love.”

I didn’t response to that either. What a weird thing for him to say. I wanted to scream at him that yes, we both knew what that was like. To be in love. Unless, he’d never actually loved me. Admittedly, that thought had crossed my mind multiple times since he’d left. Mostly late at night when I was feeling particularly depressed, the type where it felt impossible to be pulled out of.

“Well, I can’t fault his skills,” Will was saying, either uncomfortable with the silence or genuinely making an effort with me for some unknown reason. “That trap he made looked amazing and it took him two seconds. All I’ve managed in ten minutes is a bowl attached to some string.”

I raised my eyebrows, actually curious. “What is it supposed to be?”

Will placed the bowl on the table and started pitching his new invention with (only partially sarcastic) enthusiasm. “Well, you know when you’ve just finished eating soup and you’ve washed your bowl, but there are no clean dish cloths and there’s no space in the drying rack?”

I opened my mouth to say no, I did not know, but he ploughed on before I could. “Now,” he said as he demonstrated, “you can hang the bowl to the tap and let it dry like that.”

I burst out laughing. “Absolute nonsense,” I decided. “First of all, we’re supposed to be making things that are useful for quests .”

Will batted that away. “My quest days are behind me. Inventions to help with domesticated soup eating is much more my speed.”

I rolled my eyes, decidedly not pointing out that quest days would probably never be behind people like us. “That brings me onto my next question,” I continued, “who even eats soup?”

“Soup is nutritious, hearty and easy to make,” Will replied. “It’s my new obsession.”

Your old obsession was me , I thought bitterly. I’ve been replaced with mushy vegetables.

“I’ll make some of my pea pesto and mushroom for you if you’d like?” he offered.

My look of disgust was one hundred percent sincere for so many different reasons. “No, thank you.”

He shrugged. “Well, my invention doesn’t have to be for soup,” he continued. “What do you eat from bowls?”

“Cereal like a normal person.”

“I’ve never seen you eat cereal,” he said.

Well, I’d stopped eating pancakes when he’d broken up with me because they reminded me too much of all my meal choices at camp Half Blood. I’d changed my go to breakfast. How utterly pathetic. That reminder made all of the feelings of resentment and frustration build up again inside me, and I was actually surprised I’d been able to act even relatively normal so far. It was like my mind had been running on adrenaline, wanting so badly for it to be normal with him, but I needed to remember it was not.

I looked down at my trash and got the strong urge to throw it across the room.

“Nico,” Will said in a soft questioning voice, immediately realising something was wrong, and I wished he’d stop saying my name. It felt too intimate.

Thank the gods, Leo chose that moment to come around to our table. He pointed to both Will and my creations in turn. “Ridiculous. Useless.”

“I’m only as good as my teacher,” Will said.

“Well, look what Andrew over there has made,” Leo replied. We both turned to see an amazing makeshift helmet even complete with decoration. Wow, that kid was talented.

“Exactly,” Leo said proudly. “Let me show you guys something to help you out.”

“I actually remembered I have a… meeting,” I blurted pathetically.

Leo scrunched his eyebrows. “A meeting?”

“With my professor,” I added, already standing up. I tried to convey how sorry I was in my expression. “I’ll see you tonight. You’re doing great, by the way.”

Gods, this couldn’t be any more embarrassing. But my heart was racing and my vision was blurring and I could feel something bad coming on. It was as if the amount of energy my body had expended on making the situation normal had completely drained, leaving me with a soul destroying inability to cope at all.

“Okay,” Leo said uncertainly. I tried for a smile for him (definitely unsuccessful).

I didn’t look back at Will at all as I rushed out of the forges and back to my apartment.

Chapter Text

My mini panic attack had subsided and I was laying on the sofa, my head in Ambrosius’ lap when Leo arrived back home an hour later. He walked in, dropped his keys into the bowl and collapsed onto the sofa next to us. “Well, that was interesting,” he noted.

I was feeling a lot better with Ambrosius stroking my hair so I said, “Your ‘trash’ class was actually really good. I know a bunch of interested Romans when I see them. They all loved it.”

Leo waved his hand. “Aw, stop it! And here I was thinking all you were capable of were sarcastic comments with a hint of passive aggression.”

I rolled my eyes. “Did the rest of it go okay?”

Leo nodded happily. “A lot of them were able to make really cool things! Plus a few of them came up to me afterwards for extra tips.”

I hummed. “I was wondering why you were taking so long.” To be honest, I had kind of hoped he’d been talking to Will and Will had told him everything so I didn’t have to. Obviously I wasn’t that lucky.

Leo’s eyes darkened. “There was one guy,” he added. “After you left, he went at me a bit.”

I sat up, my eyes narrowed. “What?”

He nodded. “Reece,” he stated.

Ambrosius perked up about that. “Oh, I know him.”

I looked at him.

Ambri smiled. “Are you forgetting I was part of the twelfth legion until a year and a half ago? I know people.”

“Then you’ll know what a polla he is,” Leo grumbled.

Ambri nodded. “He was always starting fights for no reason. It was as if he hated the legion, but he’s the same age as us so he could’ve gone to college last year and even this year, but he’s decided to stay.” He shrugged. “He was weird.”

Now that I was thinking about it, I remembered Hazel complaining about a trouble maker in the first cohort. “What did he do?” I asked Leo.

He shrugged. “He just made a few comments about how my own friend didn’t even want to stay in my class.”

I frowned, guilt pooling in my stomach. “Leo, I’m sorry-“

“Don’t be silly!” he exclaimed. “I know you’re my biggest fan.”

I rolled my eyes.

“He was just being difficult for no reason,” Leo assured. “I’ve met more than enough of the type… And if you ask me,” he continued, narrowing his eyes a little, “I think he was scared of you.”

I pulled a face. “Me?”

He nodded. “I didn’t even notice him before you left. I think that gave him the confidence to start acting up.”

I didn’t even know the guy. Was he afraid of me? I thought I’d moved past the whole ‘son of Hades, stay away’ thing, but I guess there’d always be people keeping it alive.

“Anyway,” Leo dragged out, giving me a meaningful look. “How was your ‘meeting’?”

I sighed, steeling my insides to try and reduce the blow of what I was about to say. Well, there was no more procrastinating. I should’ve told him ages ago anyway. If I had, this afternoon wouldn’t have happened.

“Leo,” I said quietly, “Will broke up with me months ago.”

He looked at me for a second before he burst out laughing. “Nico, I didn’t ask for another one of your jokes that I don’t get.”

I stared at him, my expression melancholy, letting the information sink in.

His smile slowly faded and was replaced with a look of disbelief and incomprehension. “What…?”

I nodded. Then I laid back down on Ambri’s lap and let him stroke my hair again for the comfort.

Leo shook his head. “But that doesn’t make any sense.”

I scoffed. “You’re asking the wrong half of the couple to make it make sense.”

Leo sat back against the armrest of the sofa. “Ay, dioses,” he whispered. I let him think for a moment, as I closed my eyes and tried to forget about something I was having an active conversation about.

“I thought you guys were the best couple I knew…” Leo said after a while.

My face burned and my eyes welled. “Me too,” I admitted quietly.

Leo looked a bit awkward about me getting so emotional but he rubbed my leg reassuringly, bless him.

Ambri also tried to cheer me up. “You’ve got so many amazing friends, Nico,” he said. “You’ve got people who would do anything for you. Who love you.”

I sniffled, hating every part of this. Hating that I was crying in front of them. Hating that I didn’t want everyone; I just wanted Will.

Ambri comforted me for the next half an hour, Leo chipping in every now and then, but mostly they both just stayed with me, drying my tears and stroking me as if I were broken pieces of china.

When my eyes had dried up and I’d calmed down a bit, Ambri said, “I’m going to have to try and get some sleep. I have to wake up early tomorrow to be on call.”

I nodded as he hugged me. “Just don’t think about him too much, yeah?” he added. “He doesn’t deserve your headspace.”

“Mmm,” I replied noncommittally as I watched him retire to his room.

When his door was shut, Leo said quietly, “I don’t think he likes Will.”

I snorted. “Well he’s not the only one.”

Leo gave me a look that showed me he saw right through me. “I heard you joking together like normal earlier.”

“Is that supposed to be an accusation?”

He held his hands up. “It was just a question.”

I sighed and shrugged. “That was the first time we’d really spoken normally since… it happened. And look what it did to me.”

Leo whistled. “Gods, man, I had no idea. I need to go and give him what for after failing to tell me. And for doing it in the first place…” After a moment, he added, “He defended you, you know.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well, Reece was digging into me,” Leo explained, “but he was also digging into you. You know, for leaving? Will defended both of us to him.”

I thought about it then scoffed. “So what? I already know he’s a nice person. And brave. And a little stupid I guess.”

Leo smiled. “I’m just saying, he doesn’t seem to hate you as much as you ‘hate’ him.”

I rolled my eyes. “Why would he hate me? I haven’t done anything to him.”

Leo shrugged. “Usually breakups result in resentment.”

I had a feeling he was talking about him and Calypso, but every time I brought that subject up, he usually got extra jokey and painfully sarcastic so I tended to avoid it now.

“Why?” Leo asked.

I gave him a confused look. “Why what?”

He rolled his eyes. “Will’s not the only stupid one,” he muttered. “Why did he do it?”

I shrugged.

Leo’s eyes widened incredulously. “He didn’t tell you?”

“I guess he did…”

“But?” he prompted.

I sighed. I hadn’t told anyone else this, but I was feeling better talking to Leo, and despite his odd mannerisms, I knew I could trust him. We’d been through a lot together.

“He told me he needed to focus on his new business,” I relayed. “And that the long distance wouldn’t work for him.” I paused, wondering whether I should go on. I was pretty sure Leo would understand. Even though he was also close to Will, it didn’t make me more wary of him. It made me trust him more if anything.

“But… the thing is…” I continued cautiously, “he gave no indication that he’d been unhappy. We’d made university and his business work side by side for ages and it had never been an issue. Not once. Plus, he’s back now, after only four months.”

I used the word ‘only’ because it was a small amount of time to warrant breaking up a relationship for. Not because it wasn’t significant; when your life was a living torture reel, four months felt like a fucking eternity.

“I just… I didn’t buy it,” I finished. “I still don’t I guess.”

Leo looked thoughtful, tapping his shoe against the floor. “What do you think the reason was then?”

I shrugged. “Trust me, I’ve been through thousands of potentials since he left. It wasn’t great for my health though, the obsessing. So I stopped.”

“You must have a top contender,” Leo pushed.

I paused, thinking back to my days of constant thinking, thinking, thinking. Drowning in thoughts. Frustration boiling over in my head that I couldn’t know the truth.

“It’s probably wishful thinking,” I stated. “Maybe I was subconsciously hoping there was another reason other than he had just… stopped loving me.” My voice broke at that last part and I pressed my hands into my eye sockets to try and stop the tears.

I was thankful Leo was being more caring than jokey as he passed me a tissue.

“I don’t buy it either, if it makes you feel better,” he told me.

I sniffled. “Not really,” I mumbled, although it did a bit. “Because what can I do now?”

He shrugged. “You could ask him? Don’t you want to know the truth?”

My fight or flight instinct kicked in at just the thought. “No.” I pointed my finger at him. “And you better not meddle either. I swear, Valdez…”

Leo smiled solemnly. “I’d never go against my bro. My slightly scary, threatening bro.”

I smiled. “Well, thanks, I guess.”

He nodded.

I started to get up. “I should get to bed. I’ve missed too much of college already this week to sleep in again.”

“Sweet dreams,” Leo said as he started making up the couch for him to sleep on. He almost sounded as solemn as I had been for the past four months.

Chapter Text

Attempting to keep clumsy but ambitious Roman tweens out of the camp infirmary was a losing battle. I knew it was. That didn’t stop me trying though.

“Why can’t I try the lunging thing?” Darren asked me, pouting.

“You can,” I replied simply. “I just think it’ll take a couple more lessons before you’re all ready-“

“ I’m ready now!” Alexandria volunteered, her hand shooting up. “I’m way better than Darren.”

“I’m also better than Darren!” Imraj added, bouncing up and down. “I disarmed him last week!”

“Only because you stumbled over your own feet,” Darren mumbled.

“That was funny,” Andrew chuckled.

“Great,” Imraj said. “I’m such a joke, I laugh people out of their victories.”

“It wasn’t a victory!” Darren whined. “It was an accident.”

Michaela looked at me. “If I don’t join in with their nonsense, can I try the move?”

Alexandria snorted. “I think that was you joining in with the nonsense.”

“Please, Nico?” Darren whined, batting his eyelashes at me.

“Please, Nico?” Imraj echoed.

I rolled my eyes. “I said ‘no’,” I reiterated dryly. “Now can we please get back to the footwork tips we’ve been working on?”

They did, following my lead in placing their feet in the optimum positions for weight distribution, and for strength. I showed them a few options for each move, demonstrating each and letting them practice.

“Now, if you’re quite small…” I was saying.

“We’re all small,” Imraj joked.

“I’m not small,” Alexandria huffed. “I’m almost as tall as Nico.”

“Yeah, that isn’t impressive,” Darren joked. Then he cringed apologetically. “I mean- sorry, Nico.”

I sighed in exasperation. “I know I’m not the tallest,” I allowed. “But if we could please refrain from comparing me to ten year olds, that would be greatly appreciated on my ego’s part.”

Darren still looked mortified and Michaela nudged him. “Now he’s definitely not going to let you do the lunge thingy.”

“Nobody is doing that today,” I repeated for the umpteenth time. “Focus please.”

“But if we finish with the footwork early,” Alexandria tried, “could we each maybe have a quick go?”

Imraj nodded. “I think that’ll be really good for our learning, Nico.”

“I like to push myself,” Darren agreed.

“And I promise I won’t land myself in the healer’s tent this time,” Andrew added.

I felt my expression tense, annoyed that the mention of anything even related to Will Solace apparently brought that out in me. It was especially irritating because he was in the back of my mind at all times anyway so my body should’ve been used to feeling the hurt.

Something I’d learnt many times though, is that there was always potential for more hurt.

And apparently my students caught on with my stupidly obvious distaste.

“I’ll be so careful!” Michaela cried.

“I’ll wear extra protective gear!” Darren added.

“I’ve never been injured in one of your lessons, Nico!” Alexandria added.

“If I get hurt,” Andrew said, “then I’ll patch it up myself so you won’t have to take me to the tent again.”

“I’ll patch everyone up!” Michaela exclaimed. “They gave me a day’s training in the tent last week. That new healer can’t be that much better than me now, right?”

“I don’t know,” Andrew replied. “He was pretty cool.”

“Yeah, I’m not letting you anywhere near my injuries if I can have that Will guy,” Darren told Michaela.

“He was the one who taught me!” she cried indignantly. “He taught me everything he knows.”

“He can’t be that good then,” Imraj said. “If he can teach you everything he knows.”

They all laughed.

Michaela shrugged. “There’ll be no need to visit the med tent,” she reiterated plainly. “Nico? That’s what you’re worried about right? That we’ll have to see the crappy healer?”

“What’s his name again?” Imraj asked. “Will?”

“Will Solace,” Andrew supplied.

“Will Solace,” Imraj echoed.

“Will Solace,” Michaela agreed. “Um, Nico? Are you alright?”

Apparently I had heard enough about Will. I was starting to shake and my chest felt so heavy, I was sure it was going to fall out of my body. Andrew and Yannis rushed forward worriedly as if they could sense that I was about to break.

“I’m… fine…” I managed, pushing them away softly. “Seriously, I’m… just a bit dizzy… that’s all.”

“Would you like to sit down?” Alexandria asked, placing a small hand on my back.

I wanted to just continue the lesson and pretend everything was normal, but I knew myself. If I pushed through this without taking a breather, it would only get worse and more embarrassing for me. So I accepted her gesture and let them help me lower myself onto the grass.

The coolness helped calm me and when I forced my thoughts to drift away from Will and back to where I was, it made me feel better. Not because it was any less horrific, but because there were still beautiful people in the world and I was surrounded by them. After the initial panic had slowly begun to pass, I glanced up at their tense jaws and scared expressions and felt worse than before, like I wished I could just slip right through the mud back to the underworld where I belonged.

“Styx, I’m sorry,” I said quickly, though I didn’t really know what I could do to fix what I’d just done. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean... I’m just…”

I rubbed my hands into my eyes, trailing off because I didn’t know what I was at this moment. I wasn’t myself, that was for sure. I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t eat, sleep or do anything that I enjoyed. Any mention of the guy who broke my heart had me spiralling into a pit of despair and self loathing, making me so messed up and pathetic that I’d let it show in front of these innocent kids.

This was the exact reason I’d isolated myself after a similar heartbreak all those years ago. So that no one could see my devastation. Sure, that meant that I’d gotten zero support and it probably ultimately made me a lot worse, but at times like this, I wondered whether being alone had its benefits.

I wanted to sob and bury myself in blankets, hiding out somewhere in the dark because how dare Will make me like this? How dare he make me question what I’d worked so hard for over the years? How dare he take the last shreds of goodness I’d had in my life and turn them poisonous as well? How… dare… he…?

But obviously I couldn’t blame him. This was all my fault of course. It was me who had collapsed in front of my class. Me who couldn’t hold my life together. Me who had pushed Will away in the first place.

I couldn’t change that.

But I could change this.

I sighed and tried for a smile. “Okay,” I announced, standing up and steeling myself, “we’re going to try the lunge thingy now. You’re all ready. I was just being overly cautious.”

“Nico…” Andrew said cautiously, “we don’t have to-“

“No, we do,” I said quickly. “I am your teacher and it’s my job to make sure you’re getting the most out of this. I want you to be able to guide your own learning. I’m only here to help.”

They still looked cautious, but seemed to relax a little. I hoped they’d realise that my freak out had been a one time thing. And I promised myself that it would be. I would never let what Will did to me affect how I treated these kids again.

“So it’s okay if we get hurt?” Imraj asked nervously. “Because I was lying before. I’m a bit of a risk to be honest.”

I laughed. “I know that,” I assured. “I’ve been teaching you for nearly a month now.” I looked at them all. “It’s always okay to get hurt. Obviously, please try and prevent it at least. But don’t be scared of making mistakes. We’ll figure this out together.”

They all nodded, and then proceeded to watch me intently as I demonstrated again and then let them pair up and try it out. I walked around, correcting their technique, giving them tips and showing them which muscle groups they needed to tense at exactly the right moment.

And afterward, near the end of the lesson, I felt a lot better about everything. Sure, maybe Will Solace didn’t want me anymore. But these guys did and I could teach them to be extraordinary. I wasn’t going to be the idiot who wrapped his students in bubble wrap to prevent infirmary visits. I was going to be the guy who was worthy of someone like Will Solace, even if I couldn’t have him.

“Um, Nico?” Yannis asked as we tidied away. He was quiet one of the group, so when he did speak, it was usually something important.

“Mmm?” I encouraged.

He looked at me. “What is the problem with the new healer?”

I took a subtle deep breath and plastered a smile on my face. “Absolutely nothing,” I said, I guess completely honestly. “Absolutely… nothing.”

They didn’t look convinced.

“It’s a me problem,” I added. “It’s got nothing to do with you, or… anyone else.”

And that probably included Will , I thought bitterly.

“If it’s a you problem, Nico,” Andrew said quietly, “then it’s an us problem. We’re friends, right?”

I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. Why was it that these kids could be so damn sweet? I couldn’t deal with it.

“We’re friends,” I confirmed. “But this is…”

“Oh my gods!” Darren exclaimed. “You like him! That’s why you’re being so weird, right? You have a crush!”

Annoyingly, my cheeks started to heat and I felt like a pathetic twelve year old who didn’t know the difference between being in love and a bad stomach bug. How was it that these guys could guess my sexuality after just a few weeks of knowing me? Was it because the world had changed, shifted into something more diverse and educated and accepting? Or was it because I myself was (unconsciously or otherwise) more open about who I was? Perhaps a bit of both?

“He does !” Alexandria squealed playfully. “Nico, you’re blushing .”

“Okay, that’s enough,” I scolded.

“He’ll definitely like you back,” Imraj assured me. “If you tell him.”

I scoffed.

“He will!” Michaela agreed. “Nico, you’re awesome. He’ll totally reciprocate.”

“We can help,” Darren offered. “Wing man for you. I will stab a hole in Imraj’s chest right now so we have an excuse to go see him.”

“Stab your own chest,” Imraj mumbled.

“Nah, they’ll make me see a psych specialist before I’m allowed back to legion duty,” Darren replied.

“Can we help, Nico?” Andrew asked, smiling widely at me. “Can we? Please? We’ll get you two together. You’ll be dating in no time.”

I sighed sadly, shaking my head and kind of not wanting to burst their bubble. “You’re about four years too late for that,” I told them anyway. “Because that’s how long Will and I dated. Before he left me last summer.”

They all looked almost as downcast as I felt. It was kind of satisfying. To know I wasn’t the only one upset by it.

“Oh,” Alexandria said.

I nodded. “Yup.”

“I hate him,” Darren said, sticking his tongue out.

“Me too,” Imraj agreed.

“I’m not letting him treat me ever again,” Alexandria exclaimed. “I’d rather bleed out than talk to him.”

I rolled my eyes, although I was kind of touched by their loyalty. “You know that’s completely irrational, right?” I said.

“Give me one good reason why,” Alexandria demanded, a hand on her hip. “He’s obviously stupid.”

I snorted. “Okay, let’s get one thing straight,” I said sternly. “If nothing else good, which for the record is not the case… Will Solace is a damn good healer and I’d be doing you all a disservice if I’ve even implied anything less. So if you’re injured, you go and see him. End of story. Okay?”

They all nodded albeit reluctantly.

“Erm, that’s good then,” Andrew said, sheepishly. “Because I just stabbed myself with my dagger as I was trying to sheath it.”

Chapter Text

My entire class escorted me as I escorted Andrew to the healer’s tent. I tried to tell them it wasn’t necessary, but apparently there was no one more stubborn than young demigods. I knew that first hand after all.

“Group massacre?” Will asked lightly when he saw our little party enter the tent, but I could tell from his quick hands and furrowed brows that he was already in healer mode, searching for who needed help.

“Just close friends,” Michaela replied, a little snarkier than was necessary.

Will raised his eyebrows at her and I quickly started talking. “Stab wound to the left flank,” I reported, angry with myself for not being able to look him in the eye. “It doesn’t look too deep but-”

“Who?” he interrupted.

I looked up at him. “Huh?”

His eyes twinkled and something in my gut stirred. “Who is my patient, Nico?”

I wished he would stop saying my name. It kind of gave me vertigo.

“Andrew,” I supplied. “Again.”

“Ah, you’re a hardcore one, huh?” Will said to Andrew as he gathered some equipment packets and donned a pair of cream coloured gloves.

Andrew shrugged. “Just clumsy I guess.”

“Oh, don’t be so hard on yourself,” Will chided softly. “May I?” he asked and after Andrew nodded, he pulled his top up slightly to examine the torn flesh. “In my experience, the ones who get hurt the most are the ones who push themselves the most. It’s a sign of strength. At least… up to a point.”

I tried to refrain from rolling my eyes. Not to be self centred, but he was obviously referencing me. My mind gifted me with a quick succession of memories where Will had admitted how much he admired me for my strength and grit… And then to other times where he’d ripped into me for pushing too far.

Ugh. Winning his approval was like trying to traverse a tightrope. That was weird though, because whenever I thought back to our relationship, I couldn’t remember a time I didn’t feel one hundred percent loved and supported by him. Not that I cared about his whirlwind of positivity now of course. Probably.

It didn’t matter anyway because Andrew was grinning. That was before he glanced at me and then tried to force his expression into something more neutral. I felt guilty for telling them about me and Will now, because what an awkward position to put them in. In my defence, everyone else in the legion knew about me and Will and plus, they had guessed. But still. Now they had to pretend to dislike the most likeable person in the entire fucking world.

“That’s not to leave y’all out,” Will added, smiling warmly at the rest of my class. “I’ve seen you during some of your drills. I was never that impressive at… how old are you all? Thirteen? Fourteen?”

I rolled my eyes because he had been incredibly impressive at thirteen. Also, what a stupid tactic, overshooting their age to make them feel precocious.

“We’re ten!” Alexandria exclaimed, chortling, apparently seeming to like what Will had said.

“I’m eleven!” Imraj corrected. “The eldest and the wisest.”

Will chuckled. “I’m sure you are,” he agreed. “Why don’t you hold Andrew’s hand while he gets his injection? I’ll be as quick as I can but sometimes it can sting.”

Andrew’s friends cradled around him comfortingly as Will jabbed him slowly with local anaesthetic. Then he got to work on the stitches.

He kept his gaze on his patient, his hands working quick and careful to suture the wound like I’d seen him do a thousand times before. It was almost comforting, watching the way his fingers tensed, curved, released. The way his forearm muscles flexed so subtly, but at the same time so distinct, I had the ability to recreate those exact movements in my mind’s eye at any given moment. Like they were home. Well, ex home .

“Obviously I’m not surprised you’re so impressive at such a young age,” Will said. “You all learn from the best, huh?”

“You mean Praetor Zhang and Praetor Levesque?” Michaela asked.

Will nodded. “Sure, them too,” he said. “But I was talking about Nico.”

I scoffed.

“We love his classes!” Darren agreed excitedly, giving me a wink. “He’s the best teacher.”

Will flashed me a smile that I hated that I loved. “I bet he is,” he said, without any trace of sarcasm. “You know, back when I was your age. A very, very long time ago now of course-“

I snorted, folding my arms.

“- I always had one person who came into the infirmary a lot more often than anyone else. And in a camp of Greek demigods, that is saying a lot. He was one of our most regular patients and that was after only being at camp every other weekend.” He chuckled fondly and that made me angry for some reason.

“Well, I apologise for wasting so much of your precious time,” I mumbled.

Will ignored me. “He always told the best stories though,” he told my class. “Even if sometimes I had to probe them out of him, it was always worth it… And so… I’d always make sure to be on shift whenever Nico came back to camp. On the off chance I’d get to hear another di Angelo extravaganza.”

His tone was making me feel nostalgic in the worst way possible, as if his nonchalance was turning those memories dark and murky. How could he talk about me like this? Like he cared about me? Like he was somehow unbothered by what had happened between us? It was as if he was talking about a story of fictional characters he was completely separate from.

“Are you done?” I snapped.

“Actually,” Will said calmly, “I’ve still got about six more stitches to do.”

I clenched my fists because he very much knew that wasn’t what I’d meant.

“So,” Will continued, talking to Andrew as he finished up, “don’t ever be sorry about being ‘clumsy’. War wounds make you strong. They make you interesting.” He placed the dressing over his hip and smiled. “They make the best stories.”

Andrew’s eyes sparkled and the others were also looking at Will like he was their new favourite person. He had that effect on people. Unfortunately for me.

“So,” Will continued, tearing his gloves off and starting to clean up. “Good lesson, everyone?”

“Like I said,” Darren replied, “Nico’s the best teacher.”

“He let us do the swipe lunge thing today,” Imraj added excitedly.

Will looked at me and the expression of ‘help me out with this swordsman jargon please’ was so natural to me, out of habit, I translated for him, “The diagonal riposte.”

He nodded knowingly. “Ahhh,” he said immediately, smiling. “Yes, I know the one. Tricky, huh? Harder than the basic parrying you were doing last week I bet?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “How do you know-?”

“It is way harder,” Michaela interrupted. “We have to get the angle just right and if we didn’t have Nico being right there to correct us, we all would’ve come in here with war wounds.”

Will smiled. “You’re lucky you have him then.”

“Yeah, well, we need to go,” I muttered, feeling sick with whatever game he was playing. The room was starting to feel like it was spinning and I couldn’t fucking think when Will Solace kept smiling at me.

“Daniel’s lucky too,” Alexandria said quickly and… suggestively.

I gave her a look. “Huh?”

“Yeah, Daniel,” Imraj agreed, nodding.

Michaela hummed. “Daniel’s a good one, Nico.”

I sighed. “What are you guys talking about?”

“It was Daniel you were out all night with the other day, right?” Darren asked, giving me a meaningful look. “Or was that the other guy?”

I rolled my eyes, because right, that was what they were doing. I wanted to scold them because even if I agreed with the premise, it wasn’t going to do any good. Will didn’t care if I was seeing anyone else. He’d probably prefer it in fact, to know that I was happy. To ease his guilt.

So why, when I glanced at him, did he look like he’d been punched in the stomach? Was I just imagining it? Could I even claim to know his expressions anymore? It had only been a little over four months, but it had also felt like forever. For all I knew, he could be a completely different person. Heck, for all I knew, he wasn’t even the person I’d thought he’d been for the four years we’d been together.

“You guys have curfew,” I told my class, having had enough of this mindfield. “Stop causing trouble and get to bed. Or Praetor Levesque will shove a boulder up my-“

“We’re going!” Andrew said quickly, giggling as I followed them outside the tent. He and the others leaned in closer to me and I thought they were hugging me goodbye, but then Andrew whispered, “He looks jealous by the way.”

I rolled my eyes, very pointedly ignoring the spark in my heart. “Shut up, all of you-“

“Andrew’s right, Nico,” Alexandria added. “Plus, he said all those nice things about you.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, well, he’s nice.”

They all looked at me.

“You’ll go and talk to him once we’re gone, right?” Darren urged.

I sighed.

“If you don’t,” Yannis said, sounding deadly serious, “I will.”

I laughed, ruffling his hair. “Okay, pipe down,” I joked. “And get to bed.”

“You’re going back in,” Michaela said, giving me a stern look.

“I’ll see you all next week,” I called as they disappeared round the corner to the barracks. I looked back at the medical tent, feeling so many things, I was sure I was going to explode.

They weren’t… right. Were they? They were just kids after all. Then again… I knew better than to underestimate young people. Sometimes they had the best intuition. Not that it mattered anyway. Even if Will was jealous, it didn’t mean anything. It was probably just a natural snap emotion. Something he needed to get used to.

Gods, I hated everything about this. I hated how much power my love had over me. It was so brutal, it was cruel.

The only thing I’d enjoyed about seeing Will Solace since he’d come back, was the flicker of hope that he was actually bothered about me seeing someone else. That, and the fact that I’d practically been ordered to by a bunch of ten year olds, made me go back in and talk to him.

Chapter Text

“So, Daniel, huh?” Will asked immediately after I’d stepped back in.

I couldn’t place his tone, couldn’t read what he was thinking. He wasn’t even looking at me now, busying himself with some equipment which I knew he’d already put back in its place.

“Sorry about them,” I said quietly.

“Why?” Will asked genuinely.

I shrugged. “They’re meddlers with no boundaries.”

He let out a laugh that wasn’t genuine at all. “Me finding out about your new boyfriend is a ‘boundary’?”

I blinked at him, trying to figure out what the hell he wanted me to say to that. I wondered how I would feel if someone I dumped started dating someone new. Would I care? I had no clue; I had never had anyone be in unreciprocated love with me.

Will was acting so upbeat though, he didn’t seem to care at all. I would’ve put it down to overcompensation for anyone else, but he was known to be like this. Maybe I had just imagined the jealousy from earlier after all.

“I’m sure you don’t want to hear about… well, anything about my life,” I replied, stuffing my hands into my pockets.

Will sighed. “Look, Nico-“

“You don’t have to pretend either,” I interrupted quickly. “To be nice. Or for any other motive.”

He frowned subtly. “What other motives would I have?”

I shrugged, giving him a look. “How the Hades would I know?” I asked, a little harsher than I’d intended. “We don’t know anything about each other.”

Except how many sugars he took in his coffee. And what Star Wars character he liked the best. And which song in Mariah Carey’s 1990 album could always get him up and dancing. What size shoe he was. The geography of freckles over his inner thighs. The eyebrow flicker he did whenever he was stressed. Which muscles flexed in his arms when he set a broken bone. The sounds he made when he got touched where he liked...

I swallowed down those frankly painful memories and added, “Anymore.” For my sanity (not that it helped).

Will looked distraught and I scolded myself for making my pain so damn obvious. He was too empathetic for his own good.

“Well for the record,” he said slowly, his voice a lot quieter now, “we can set any boundaries you’d like. If that’s what you want.”

I scoffed in anger. “You really are a gentleman,” I replied sarcastically. “Always thinking about me and what I want. That’s great, Solace. Thanks so much.”

“I’m not trying to be condescending,” Will said, his voice on the edge of frantic, like he needed me to believe him. “I’m just trying to make this easier-“

I threw my hands up. “Well don’t!” I cried. “Stop trying! You’re looking at me like I’m wounded and it’s making me want to hurt you.”

Will opened his mouth and closed it again.

I laughed without humour. “I won’t,” I assured because he was actually looking nervous. Like I’d be able to touch him without practically dying anyway.

Will snorted. “Nico, I knew you were joking,” he said. “I just…”

I rolled my eyes. “What?” I snapped.

He shrugged. “I guess… I just miss your jokes,” he whispered.

I stared at him, but he broke eye contact and started to put away the equipment that didn’t need to be put away again.

“Is that why you left?” I blurted recklessly. “I stopped making enough jokes for your liking?”

Will swallowed, clearly not ever imagining I’d ask something so abrupt. It was satisfying how uncomfortable he looked.

“Don’t be dense,” he scolded quietly. “That’s got nothing… You know how much… It wasn’t anything-“

“Gods, just shut up already,” I said in annoyance. “That didn’t require an answer.” Because no matter how much I wanted every single detail about why he’d done what he’d done, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to survive the truth.

Will furrowed his brows sadly, his hands opening a bandage package absently and moving on their own accord to wrap it around his digits. I tried not to watch. Because how pathetic that a ball of feelings inside me seemed to want to explode at just the sight of the guy’s fingers ? What was wrong with me?

“Well, I’m sure Daniel’s able to have a conversation with you without insulting you every other sentence,” he said softly.

I frowned in confusion. “Who?”

Will looked at me. “Your boyfriend?”

Oh, right.

I saw his lips tug up but I could not imagine why he found this at all funny. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I won’t tell him you forgot he existed.”

I rolled my eyes because, in my defence, he didn’t actually exist.

“So what’s his issue?” he asked me.

“What?” I snapped.

Will ignored my tone. “Well,” he started slowly, studying my expression, “not to brag or anything, but when we started dating, there is no way you would’ve forgotten who I was.” His eyes sparkled in amusement. “So?” he encouraged. “What’s wrong with this new guy?”

My stomach wanted to flutter in response to the playfulness in his tone, but given the circumstance, his arrogance didn’t exactly land right. I felt sick instead.

“Are you actually kidding me?” I demanded.

Will opened his mouth in shock at my ferocity. “I didn’t-“

“You think you get to talk to me about this?” I interrupted angrily, waving my hands around. “Because you don’t!” I gestured between us. “This isn’t a friendship, Solace. I don’t care what kind of misapprehension you’re operating under, but let’s make this clear okay? We are not friends, we are not okay, we are nothing. Not even that. We are less than nothing. So we don’t talk, we don’t joke, we don’t do anything together. And I’m sure we’ll both be happier for it.”

Will looked down, biting his lip so hard, the colour was getting blanched. “I understand,” he replied eventually, so quietly, I hardly heard him. It was difficult to have sympathy for him though when I knew how awful I felt. That didn’t stop my heart aching for him anyway though. Probably out of habit. I needed to shock it into recalibrating or something.

“Good,” I muttered, releasing my fists and looking down at the marks that my nails had left in my palms.

“You came in here,” Will said. “After the kids went to bed.” Not really an accusation, more like a question.

I had. I was forgetting what my thought process had been to even consider it now though. The reason had most probably been a misguided attempt at self inflicted torture. But Will was waiting for an answer so I blurted the first thing I could think of: “How did you know what I was teaching my class last week?”

He raised his eyebrows, not expecting that. He shouldn’t have been surprised. He couldn’t just drop a bomb that he’d apparently been watching me and not expect at least a small reaction. I didn’t even know why I bothered asking; I was clearly fishing for something that my heart needed, something my head knew I wasn’t going to get. He was allowed to be intrigued by me after all; it would be weird (especially given his personality) if he didn’t still care on some level. It didn’t mean anything though.

Will sighed sadly and replied, “That was before I knew we were nothing.”

I let out a breath because wow. He really thought we could’ve been friends after everything we’d been through? That fact killed me more than anything else could’ve. Because it meant that he had already moved so far on from me, we weren’t even in the same ballpark anymore. My body still felt like it needed him to stand up straight. And here he was, so completely fine that he was suggesting seeing me platonically like it wouldn’t absolutely kill something deep inside me to be constantly reminded I couldn’t have him in any other way.

I squared my shoulders and kept my expression neutral. “I’m glad we cleared that up then,” I mumbled.

Will didn’t reply, just smiled with the least amount of enthusiasm I’d ever seen in my life. And I couldn’t stay in here any longer. The air was suffocating as it was and I knew I’d start to choke soon. So I took one last look at him, ignoring the energy in his shoulders as if he was preparing himself to do something difficult, and took my leave without saying goodbye.

*

“Why did you tell Will you have a boyfriend?” Leo asked me the next day. He and Ambrosius were eating takeout burgers at the kitchen table.

Great. I’d forgotten Leo had had a ‘proper catchup’ with Will this week, whatever that meant (Leo hadn’t told me, despite my subtle badgering). They were spending more time together than he was spending with me now. Not that it was a competition. If the son of Hephaestus wanted to chat about my heartbreak with the breaker of my heart, that was completely fine with me. I was sure it made very interesting dinner conversation after all.

“Also we got you a grilled chicken royale,” Ambri added.

“I’m not that hungry,” I mumbled, going to head to my bedroom.

“Excuse me, Ghosty,” Leo said quickly.

I scowled. “You better hope you weren’t referring to me.”

Leo ignored me. “Why does Will think you have a boyfriend?” he repeated.

I dumped my bag onto the floor and crossed my arms. “Why do you care?” I shook my head. “In fact, why does he care?” I asked instead.

Leo gave me a look like I was being stupid.

“Fine, don’t tell me,” I snapped. “Continue talking to Will about me and leaving me completely out of the conversation. I love this whole situation.”

Leo groaned. “Chill your gears,” he said. “What do you think I’m doing now? Trying to talk to you.”

I rolled my eyes, pressing my hands into my eyes. “It was so much easier to have mental demons when I was fourteen,” I muttered. “Can’t you just let me be depressed in peace?”

Leo shrugged. “Suit yourself,” he replied. “But can I tell Will you were lying?”

“I didn’t lie!” I hissed. “The kids in my class implied it and I just… didn’t correct them.”

Ambri nodded approvingly. “Nice,” he said. “If you’re incapable of finding another date, making one up to stick it to your ex is the next best thing.”

I frowned.

“Well Will doesn’t think it’s the ‘next best thing’,” Leo muttered.

I rolled my eyes. “So let me get this right,” I said irritably. “ He doesn’t want to date me, but he also doesn’t want anyone else to date me? Am I that bad? That I somehow not only don’t deserve him but also no one else should want me either?”

Leo and Ambri gave me sad looks and I realised I’d been shouting that last part. I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. “Okay,” I said. “You can tell Will that I’m a depressed, unloveable loner-“

“Nico,” Ambri scolded.

I groaned. “In fact, do whatever the hell you want,” I told Leo. “I could not care less what Will Solace thinks about me anymore.”

That was a lie, but it was close enough to the truth. And the truth was that… it didn’t matter what he thought anymore.

And with that nice conversation settling between the three of us, I turned on my heel and went to bed.

Chapter Text

“I can’t believe we’re nearly famous but we still have to sit through a day of lectures,” Ocean hissed.

I rolled my eyes. “You signed up to study the course,” I whispered back, still trying to half pay attention to what Professor Typal was saying. “And by ‘famous’, do you mean known by a handful of sad people who had nothing better to do on a Friday night as even sadder people who couldn’t get proper acting jobs so had to settle for a grimy comedy club in their spare time?”

It was opening night and excitement was high amongst the actors.

“Are you nervous?” Ocean asked.

“Definitely not.”

My life was embarrassing enough at the moment such that I didn’t think I’d be able to even feel the slightest ounce of stage fright if I’d tried. Plus, it probably helped that I expected hardly anyone to show up.

“And that’ll be important for the end of year exams,” Typal finished.

I shot Ocean an irritated look. “I missed that!”

She shrugged. “I hope you miss more. Your grades are too high for my liking.”

I ignored her and continued to listen to the professor for the rest of his lecture. Despite missing a lot of content last week, I took my degree extremely seriously. It was what gave my life purpose and I needed to be good at this for the sake of the people I wanted to help. And for my own sake too. I hadn’t attended an environment like this since I had been a small kid in Italy and even though at first it had been quite the transition, I’d realised I really enjoyed studying. And yes, Ocean was right: I was quite good at it too.

We joined Ranaisa and Ambrosius in the main hallway at the end of our timetabled sessions so we could all head over to The Rainbow Toad together. They were standing by the archway in the gardens, standing a little too close and I wondered not for the first time how they could be such good friends after breaking up. Maybe if you didn’t like each other that way at all, it was different? That was probably true, but in their case, I still didn’t believe they were completely platonic, whatever my roommate tried to tell me.

“Have you asked anyone to come to opening night?” Ambri asked me as we walked. I knew he hadn’t specifically asked about Will but I knew he meant him.

“Just Leo,” I said. “And Hazel of course. She’ll probably bring Frank too if he’s available.”

Ambri smiled as if he was relieved.

“Are you alright?” Ranaisa asked me, giving me a curious look. I hated how I couldn’t hide my emotions on my face, even when the person they were directed at wasn’t even here.

“Fine,” I replied, my mind racing. “I’m just thinking about all the people Ocean’s probably invited.”

Ocean gasped in mock outrage. “Excuse me, girl,” she protested, “but everyone in the university deserves to see our talent!”

I gaped at her. “You invited the entire university?” I asked skeptically.

“Basically,” Ocean confirmed.

“What she means,” Ambri cut in, “is that she asked a couple of people to spread the news around and therefore it probably reached about… a dozen? Being generous.”

“Ugh,” Ocean muttered. “I’m a legacy of Venus and no one appreciates my talents.”

I laughed at her. “Since we’re all demigods or legacies, I don’t think you’re that special actually.”

We arrived at Ash’s pub where they already were, setting everything up. The stage was quite small so it was going to be technically difficult to add background scenes even though they were quite simple. Annabeth was also there, helping out.

“Hi, Nico,” she greeted. “How’s it going?”

I waved. “Hi, Annabeth. I’m guessing you’re helping with the set?”

Ocean came up behind me. “Because you don’t think she’s funny enough to be in the show?”

I rolled my eyes. “Actually because I know she likes design.”

Annabeth laughed. “It’s a bit different from designing buildings on Olympus,” she admitted. “But designing a homophobic man’s study is just as exciting.”

“Are you staying for the show?” I asked as casually as I could.

“Yeah,” she confirmed. “I’m meeting Hazel and Frank later.”

“Leo’s coming too,” I added. “What about Percy?”

I held my breath for the answer and Annabeth kindly decided not to call me out on it. It wasn’t like I had anything against Percy anymore. That ship had sailed a long time ago. It was more that the thought about putting on a comedy show for him felt a bit too realistic of my tween years.

“Oh, didn’t you hear?” Annabeth said. “He started a marine biology internship in New York last month.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Oh,” was all I said, feeling a little bad that I hadn’t bothered to ask. In my defence though, frankly, Percy Jackson hadn’t crossed my mind in years, and right now, I had much bigger (and much worse) things to deal with.

“But I told him about the show,” Annabeth continued. “And he sends his good luck for you.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

She gestured behind us to backstage. “I think they need you.”

Ash was going through last minute advice for all of us. All in all, there were about a dozen actors and just as many backstage crew focusing on lighting and set changes. I couldn’t help but think there would be more of us than the people in the audience (not that I was complaining). After that, Ash got us all burgers whilst we got ready in our costumes.

“Nico, you look straighter than you’ve ever looked,” Ambrosius remarked when I’d finished putting my grey suit jacket on. I was wearing matching pants and I’d slicked my hair back with as much grease as I could (for some reason, straight people loved this yucky hair goop and I wanted to be as authentic as possible).

“Like you then,” I joked. “And I am now Lionel, thank you very much. I will not respond to anything less, which, by coincidence, you all are.”

Ambri snickered as Ocean appeared from her dressing room. They were dressed as ‘thugs’ so were head to toe in black.

“No, no, nooo,” Ocean cried. “My poor ickle Nicoooo!” She ran up to me. “What has this Lionel creature done to you! I mourn you! I mourn your gayness.”

I laughed and tried to push her away. “Shut up,” whined. “Gods.”

Ranaisa finally emerged from her dressing room clad in an old fashioned fancy gown that had way too many frills and flowers. Although, the yellow and white definitely enhanced her dark skin tone.

“Leave my husband alone,” she told Ocean. “You know he’s allergic to people of colour.”

I nodded sarcastically at Ocean. “Exactly. I much prefer my wife. Much more my type.”

Ambri laughed at me. “You can’t act straight to save your life. This show is going to be hilarious.”

I crossed my arms stubbornly. “I do so like women. They are very… voluptuous.”

All three of them gasped with laughter. “Thank you so much for proving my point,” Ambri spluttered.

“Come on, Nico,” Ranaisa encouraged. “You can do better than that.”

I held up my arms beside me to flex my biceps, doing a few poses I’d seen guys do in movies when they would check themselves out in the gym. I added a manly grunt to emphasise my point.

“Stop. It,” Ocean wheezed, her hands on her knees. “I’m going to wet myself.”

I smiled in satisfaction. “Now I’ve convinced you guys, this show is going to be a walk in the park.”

We continued joking with each other, hanging out with the rest of the crew until Ash came in just before the start of the show. “You’re all funny as fuck,” they said. “So just enjoy yourselves, have a great time and look forward for the baller after party I’ve got planned!”

Then they went on stage to introduce our set.

Ranaisa grabbed my hand. “Come on, Nico! We’re on in a minute.”

I let her lead me to the wings of the stage, waiting for Ash to finish their introduction. I took a quick look back at my friends because I was starting to get a little bit of anxiousness at the bottom of my gut. I realised that I hadn’t bothered checking how many people had turned up but decided to put that down as a good thing. Ocean gave me a wink and a finger gun.

I heard Ash finish and the clapping of the audience which I guessed was our cue. “Ready?” Ranaisa whispered.

I’d loved every second of preparing for this and now I was about to show everyone (read: a few people) how different I could be from what they expected from me.

I took a deep breath and nodded. Ranaisa squeezed my hand and I followed her onto the stage.

Chapter Text

Everything was going great until I forgot my line.

I hadn’t even noticed the fact that the entire pub was full of people because I’d been enjoying myself so much. But now, I started to realise. All those faces. None of them encouraging or even friendly. Blank expressions of nothingness, judging me, hating me.

Fuck. What was my line? Why couldn’t I remember it? Why was I freaking out now? Everyone was staring at me as if they knew I was an idiot who couldn’t remember one single sentence. Word, even.

Gods, Nico, pull yourself together , I chided in my head. I’d gone through a lot worse than this. I was going through a lot worse than this.

I looked to Ranaisa who repeated her lines: “What are you going to do about those unseemly people who want to take part in your talent show, darling?”

Well, the line was completely gone. I blurted out the best thing I could. “Well, I won’t forget my lines, that’s for sure.”

Oh dear. Going rogue on stage definitely wasn’t my strong suit. It was supposed to be a joke but the blank faces continued to stare at me. I felt like the room was cringing.

Oh wait. No. One person was laughing, right at the back. They weren’t holding back either I realised as I heard their deep guffaws and clapping cutting through the silence. And that encouraged a few other people to chuckle politely, giving me a second to collect my thoughts. I took a deep breath and smiled to myself, that single person giving me confidence and finally the line came back to me.

“And I’ll show them who’s boss!” I exclaimed as I went to sit on my desk chair, which, ‘unbeknownst’ to Lionel, had just been booby-trapped. I sat down, trying not to scrunch my face up too tight in anticipation. My weight triggered the platform above my head to tilt and I had a second’s notice before a large water balloon fell on my head.

“Lionel!” Ranaisa screamed. “Watch out!”

She ran to me as I groaned in frustration. “Who would have the audacity to-“

And that’s when all the rainbow glitter fell from the ceiling, sparkling gay all over the stage, almost illuminating the room and sticking all over my wet hair and suit.

The audience howled with laughter and I couldn’t help smiling at my predicament. Reluctantly, I forced a scowl back on my face as I trudged along the stage, leaving a trail of rainbow in my wake to go and clean up before my next scene. Silently, I promised myself I’d get a drink with that person at the back.

*

The rest of the show went smoothly, thank the gods. That was probably because I wasn’t in it much towards the end. There was a big dance number at the finale that had taken simply ages for Ash to choreograph but looked insanely good. Thankfully, as Lionel, I wasn’t expected to take part in their ‘talent show’ performance, and I watched it happily from the sidelines.

We all rejoined on the stage to take a couple of bows to the audience’s applause and then Ash was thanking everyone for coming and the bar was opening and the music was playing so loudly, I could feel it in my chest.

“I’ll get you a drink!” Ambrosius told me as he made a beeline for the bartender before I could tell him I was fine, thanks.

Ranaisa kissed me on the cheek. “Thanks, Nico! It’s been a pleasure!” she squealed as she went to join her group of friends at their table.

I looked around for Ocean but couldn’t spot her. She was probably getting a drink with Ambri. So I scanned the crowd for my other friends, squinting in the low light and making my way across the pub. I hadn’t even noticed him (which I counted as progress) but as he came up right next to me, I sensed his familiarity and warmth.

“Great show,” Will told me with a smile that made me weak at the knees.

I ruffled my wet hair around a bit trying to be only subtly self conscious. “I bet you loved the toilet seat prank,” I replied. “And the pineapple one. And the final dance number.”

Why was I rambling? I internally scolded myself for letting him completely unravel me.

Will nodded. He was wearing a pastel pink polo that he’d obviously bought before realising his arms were too big for it. Idiot. “All great parts,” he agreed. “My favourite part was your improv though.”

For gods’ sake. I knew the laugh at the back had sounded familiar.

“You were the only one then,” I said.

Will shrugged. “Maybe your sense of humour was too elite for a few of them.”

“You know you’re also complimenting yourself with that blatant lie?” I pointed out.

He smiled. “Well, maybe we’re both stupid when it comes to humour.” He paused before adding, “Maybe that’s why we work.”

I didn’t know how to react to that. Did he purposely use the present tense there? Was it a slip up? Did I even hear him correctly because of the noise in here?

“Nico?” Will said, giving me that intense stare of his. His eyes burned right through me, staining my retinas with the calm blue of his irises. My pulse quickened dramatically.

“What, Solace?” I asked, attempting disinterested but probably just sounding desperate.

Will chewed his inner cheek. “Can we talk? I… I need to tell you something.”

My mind fast forwarded to all of the possible possibilities. Obviously, however much I wanted to deny it, under everything else, there was a small, hopeful, stupid voice that was asking: Did he still love me? Did he want to get back together? The answer was definitely not, but whatever it was, I was still intrigued.

Did that mean I should subject myself to it though? After living for nineteen years, I’d come to realise that people often disappointed me (and despite Will Solace being the exception for a long time, now he was just a blur in the crowd of people who followed the rule). I could have my hopes and dreams obviously. They kept me going after all. But it was up to me who I would let crush them flat on their faces.

Then again, looking at Will, I remembered a thought I’d had months ago, when the pain had been so palpable I could’ve sworn I had been secretly drugged with a special kind of heart destroying bacteria: If it were anyone I’d let do this to me, it would never not be him.

Besides, I’d made a promise to myself just half an hour ago.

“Do you want to buy me a drink?” I asked, dropping down onto a small table in the corner.

Will gave me a dazzling smile. “Anything in particular?”

I shrugged. “Whatever you think I’d like.” I didn’t mention that he’d had four years with me to figure out what I liked- it was implied.

I watched him walk away, paying way too much attention to the way his hips rocked as he walked. And how the prominent spines of his shoulder blades shifted. And the bounce of his light hair just grazing his collar. And how, even though his jean shorts were on the baggier end, the back pockets surrounded by denim plaited crimping curved just enough for a couple (hundred) inconvenient memories to resurface to the forefront of my poor, gay mind and make my body tense.

When he was out of my eyeline, I pressed my hands into my eyes, internally screaming. Gods, what that man could do to me. At least I could enjoy the sight knowing he was coming back this time I guess.

I was just starting to calm down when Ambri found me. He popped down a cola for me. “Where did you run off to?” he slurred. He was definitely already drunk. “You already forgetting us in your new found fame?”

I laughed. “I wish. Except, you had a bigger part than I did so…”

Ambri slurped his drink (something in a brown bottle). “Aw, stop it.”

“Thanks for the drink. Are you having fun?” I asked.

He nodded vigorously. “I am now.” He smiled and laid his elbows on the table, leaning a little closer to me. “You were a great Lionel, Nico.”

I snorted. “Even though I was too gay?”

Ambri shrugged. “Even the Lionels of the world might be a little bit gay, you know?”

I made the gesture with my thumb and forefinger as I mimicked, “Just a little?”

Ambri nodded. “That’s right.”

I rolled my eyes and looked over to the bar.

“Ocean’s with her flatmates,” Ambri informed me, assuming I was looking for her.

I shook my head. “I’m actually getting a drink with Will.”

“Oh,” Ambri said quickly, taking another sip of his drink. “Oh, yeah. I wanted to talk to you about him.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Okay?”

He shook his head. “Nothing bad,” he assured. “Just that I think Ranaisa is into him.”

I thought about Ranaisa’s soft skin, perfect, serene features, kind manner, funny personality and suddenly felt sick. “How do you know?” I managed to get out.

“She’s seen him around since he’s come back,” he replied. “And I think she’s been trying to hide it for your sake.”

I had a bad, twisting feeling deep inside. “For my sake?” I tried to say as if it was laughable. My attempt was actually laughable.

“I don’t think she’d ever actually do anything about it,” Ambri continued. “But I thought I’d give you a heads up.”

I nodded slowly, letting it sink in. The fact that Will was desirable shouldn’t have been news to me, but an actual person expressing interest made it so much more real.

“Anyway,” Ambri said, “I think I can see him coming back.” He gave me a concerned look. “You take care of yourself, okay? I’m going to go and find Ranaisa again.”

Why was he talking about taking care of myself? That confused me. Care from what? From Will? Will wouldn’t hurt me. Oh wait, he already had. Would Ranaisa hurt me too? Did Will want to date other people? Had he already dated other people? Is that what he wanted to talk to me about? My thoughts swirled together like unfit pieces of a jigsaw cutting into my heart.

I hardly noticed Ambri getting up and Will sitting down opposite me.

“I got you a praline milkshake,” he presented, “with extra cream.”

It was funny how the small things could snap you back to reality. And I snapped hard.

“Thank you,” I said gratefully, wrapping my hand around the cool glass. “One of my favourites.”

Will took a bow. “What do you take me for? A di Angelo amateur?”

I hid my smile by taking a sip. I maintained eye contact as I swallowed then raised my brows at him. “I’m listening, Solace.”

Chapter Text

Will didn’t talk for a while. In fact, after some point, it was like he was basically going to shut up for the rest of the night.

I didn’t push or ask him anything. I just sipped my milkshake, also drinking in the atmosphere as Beyoncé played through the speakers and people started getting up to dance. Occasionally, I looked back to Will who was staring at his hands, fiddling with his fingers. He caught me looking and gave me a nervous smile. “You must hate me, huh?”

I was so shocked by the question, I didn’t answer straight away. I was partly convinced I hadn’t heard him correctly because he had half mumbled it. Why would he care? What answer did he even want?

I decided to answer with my own question: “You ‘needed’ to talk to me about my feelings towards you?”

Will shook his head, grimacing. “Forget it,” he whispered. He mumbled a few other things under his breath but I didn’t quite catch them this time.

“Tell me about something that happened in the past few months,” I blurted. It was an impulsive request, and I half regretted throwing him a bone, but at the end of the day, I wanted to know what he needed to tell me, and the only way I knew to get Will to actually go through with it was to get him to lower his guard first.

He looked at me thoughtfully, very obviously thankful I’d asked him something he could probably easily answer. I vaguely wondered why he was putting himself through this awkwardness at all, but my thought process got interrupted when he replied.

“The Hades cabin at Camp Half Blood isn’t empty anymore,” he said.

I gave him an incredulous look, forgetting about everything else momentarily. “Excuse me, what?” I demanded.

He nodded. “I know, right? Who would’ve thought?”

I gaped at him. “Are you telling me that my dad has been sleeping around again, that dirty little-“

“No no no,” Will stopped me before I could use some colourful words to describe the god of the underworld. “Not your dad.”

I nodded. “I should’ve known. No one in their right mind would hit that.”

Will snorted, but still looked around nervously for signs of Hades’ wrath.

“What then?” I prompted. “The Hades cabin has been run down by stray harpies or something?”

Will shook his head and started to tell his story. “Jaz and I came across a demigod during the summer. Morana. She was seriously hurt thanks to multiple monster attacks. And no satyrs had come near her.” He shook his head. “Anyway, we healed her and I could tell she was Greek… you know?”

I nodded. There was a way you could tell if someone was from the same pantheon as yourself. A kind of instinct of an alliance and danger at the same time.

“She was so scared and alone that I had to escort her to camp. No help was coming for her and I could tell she was powerful- she would’ve been attacked on the road if I’d have left her alone. I was shocked she’d survived that long, to be honest.”

I offered Will some of my milkshake. “Here.”

He smiled a little too widely. “Thanks.”

“Why were the satyrs avoiding her?” I asked.

He swallowed some cream. “I realised as soon as we got to camp and she was claimed.”

“Not Hades?”

Will shook his head. “Close though. Thanatos.”

I raised my eyebrows and smiled to myself. “Well, I guess he’s definitely more likely to pull than my dreary old Pa.”

Will burst out laughing. “Nico!”

“What?” I protested. “It’s true. He’s gorgeous.”

Will gave me an amused look then shook his head. “Anyway,” he continued, “Hades, being the merciful and kindhearted god that he is-“

“Please don’t inflate his ego.”

“He let Morana stay in his cabin in recognition of the hardships she’d endured and… she’s now happily living at camp.”

“You trekked her all the way from Tennessee to camp?” I asked, smiling because despite everything, I would never not be impressed by Will Solace’s unique mix of kindness and determination.

He shrugged. “Of course I did. What else could I do? It was a fun couple of weeks anyway. Morana’s hilarious.”

I looked at him appreciatively. I doubted many other people would’ve done that.

“Was it nice to catch up with your siblings?” I asked, half because I missed them all. Kayla’s sharp mouth, Austin’s friendly face, Gracie’s warm hugs…

Will nodded enthusiastically. “I spent a few days there. It was nice to spend time with them and help out in the infirmary. I even taught Yan a few tricks I’d picked up with Jaz. Of course, they wanted to see you too…”

I wondered what they all thought about our breakup. I hadn’t reached out because I was sure they’d obviously back Will and even though I wasn’t too familiar with the concept of ‘picking sides’ after the ending of a relationship, I did know it was a thing. Still, I had to admit, I was more than a bit hurt when none of them had bothered to check in on me either. If they really wanted to see me, why hadn’t they at least given me a call?

I swallowed that down and shrugged. “What can I say?” I replied, trying to sound casual. “I’m pretty popular. You’re lucky I’m able to fit you in right now actually.”

Will laughed. “I won’t argue with that.” It had a hint of sincerity to it.

This whole conversation was deeply confusing albeit a little enjoyable. I felt like Will was trying really hard. For what, I didn’t know. But I did know that he was looking for something from me. Just from the way he spoke, I could tell everything he said was carefully thought through, as if he cared if he misspoke or said something to upset me. I guess that was just his nature, but it didn’t explain why he’d started the conversation in the first place. Twice now.

I didn’t think Will was a player but this was all starting to feel like some sort of game. Did I really know him now anyway? Who was I to make judgements on his character? I knew nothing about his motives anymore. And I desperately wanted to know what his end goal was.

“Well?” I prompted, getting a little agitated now. “We both know you didn’t pull me to chat about Morana.”

Will sighed, long and deep, clearly still procrastinating.

“I’m sure whatever it is,” I said, irritated, “I’m not going to fall off my stool or pop my clogs or-“

“It is important though,” Will interrupted, probably louder than he intended. “It is, Nico. It’s just… hard to explain.”

I nodded, fully believing him. “I’m good at understanding the unexplainable,” I whispered.

Will gave me a small smile. “I know.”

I leaned in slightly, studying his expression, the way his freckles moved with his emotions. “ What is it , Solace?” I asked again, knowing I sounded desperate but not being able to hide a single inch of it anyway.

I could’ve sworn he was about to tell me but unfortunately, the gods decided I needed to be left in suspense (they definitely hated me, the lot of them) and Ocean stumbled up to our table.

“Girl, you won’t believe what I’ve just seen,” she cried.

I tried to hide my frustration. “Hmm? What?”

“Aliya is getting off with Nina!” she declared. “As we speak!”

I scanned the club for a few seconds before giving up because I really couldn’t care less. “I can’t see them,” I told Ocean. “But I’m sure they’re having a great time.“

Ocean nodded happily and pulled a chair towards our table, blatantly ignoring my harsh ‘get lost’ face. It was probably just her trying to be protective but I did not appreciate that right now. “Mind if I join?” she asked cheerily. “Hi, Will.”

Will smiled politely. “What’s up, Ocean? I loved the play.”

Ocean grinned. “Why, thank you. I obviously carried.”

“Mmm,” I said rolling my eyes. “With the part you were born to play: ‘miscellaneous goon two’.”

I could tell Will tried not to smirk at that, probably for Ocean’s sake, but I still saw it and I realised that annoyingly, my chest still bubbled with pride when I succeeded at amusing him.

Ocean looked to me. “Whatever. It’s still going to make me famous.”

I rolled my eyes. “Ocean has a bit of a superiority complex,” I told Will.

“Like you then,” Will replied with a teasing smile.

“Oooohhhh,” Ocean lulled dramatically. She had definitely had a few.

I just scoffed trying to hide how much I’d missed playful Will.

The rest of my friends also chose that moment to finally find me and congratulate me. Hazel came up and gave me a hug. I could tell she had one curious eye on Will as she, Frank, Leo and Annabeth pulled up chairs. I introduced them all to Ocean, and when Frank said he’d liked her performance, I groaned again at all the attention the stupid play was getting and the fact it was all going to Ocean’s head.

“I wish I was staying long enough to take part in Ash’s next production,” Leo was saying.

“I’ll have to let you know when they finish writing their next one,” Annabeth offered. “They’re really getting into it now they’ve graduated.”

Leo nodded gratefully. “Obviously I’d only give up my valuable time if I were cast as the lead. I can’t be wasting my energy for anything less than the best.”

“Girl, you’ve got competition already then,” Ocean declared.

“I don’t know who I’d rather see,” I mumbled sarcastically. “You’re both equally horrifying.”

Ocean pulled me into a tight hug. “I wuv you too, Nico.”

I pushed her off and threatened her with my still full glass of cola.

I saw Will silently pushing his chair back.

“Are you leaving?” I asked him, trying to read his expression. He looked put out and… exhausted.

He nodded. “Sorry, guys,” he addressed everyone. “I’ve got lots of work to finish by Monday. We’re starting a new project so…”

Annabeth smiled. “Take care, Will. Don’t work too hard.”

He gave her a half hearted finger gun in response. Then he gave me a quick look before turning on his heel and wading through the crowd to the door.

I was tempted to go after him, but something held me back. Literally. Ocean was holding my hand tight under the table, as if she knew I was about to be an idiot and follow the guy who crumbled my heart into pieces.

Chapter Text

“I’m teaching the third cohort today,” Leo told me as we left the apartment together.

“I’m assuming the second cohort was more of a success than the first?” I asked as I locked up.

Leo hummed. “Well I didn’t have my friend leave halfway through and also didn’t have a megalomaniac dragging me down so… ultimately, I guess yeah.”

“You don’t even know him,” I tried to reason, thinking about Reece acting up. Though… it was hard to defend anyone who was horrible to someone else unprovoked.

“I like to think I know him well enough,” Leo replied. “He’s grumpy, somehow great at acting and definitely still has a thing for Will Solace.”

I slapped his arm. “Shut up.”

“You’re not denying it.”

“I deny it.”

“Well, it doesn’t count now.”

I groaned. “Shut up,” I repeated. Then after a moment, “What are you talking about?”

Leo gave me his signature eyebrow wiggle that made me regret entertaining it at all. “Weellllll,” he dragged the word out suggestively, “weren’t you guys on a date on Friday night after the play? Before we all interrupted?”

I shook my head, refraining from saying, I wish.

“We were just chatting,” I replied. “Will had something to tell me.”

Leo hummed suspiciously.

I stopped. “Wait a second,” I said. “Do you know what he was going to tell me?”

I kept forgetting he’d been spending a lot of time with Will these past days. He probably knew more about where I stood than I did, damn him.

Leo mimed zipping his lips. “You’re not getting anything out of me,” he promised. “I’m just here to offer moral support. And friendly bantering.”

I gave him an intensely irritated look but he laughed it off. “You may have scared me once, di Angelo. But not anymore.”

I groaned in frustration. “Is he going to tell me soon?” I asked.

Leo shrugged. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“We’re talking about actual people’s feelings here, Valdez,” I growled.

“Aha,” he exclaimed, “so you admit there are feelings.”

I stayed silent this time, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. We’d reached the path where we had to separate anyway. I started to walk away without a word, but Leo stopped me with his serious voice, something he’d probably used more this visit than he had his entire life.

“You know I want you both to be happy?” he asked me.

I sighed, trying to get my anger under control. “What’s your point?”

He shrugged. “Just that… I can’t break his trust. And I wouldn’t break yours either.”

I nodded in understanding. “I know.”

He smiled and patted me on the head like I was a dog. “Thanks, bro.”

I slapped him away. “Don’t do that.”

He just shrugged. “But you’re so pattable.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I always know exactly what I’m talking about,” he disagreed.

“Ah, well, why don’t you use your insurmountable knowledge to say things that’ll help me feel better about this gods awful breakup?” I requested, only half sarcastically.

Leo thought about that. “Sometimes you don’t get what you want because you deserve better?” he suggested.

I gave him an unimpressed look because there was no way that was true; for starters, Will Solace was the best. Unfortunately.

“You know Will,” I said dryly. “Do you really believe that?”

Leo thought again. “You can now go back to your grumpy ass ‘avoidance of everything’ safety mechanism?” he suggested. “I know you enjoyed that a few years ago and you also got a lot of practice.”

I snorted because yeah, maybe avoidance would’ve saved me from things like this ever happening. But… it would’ve also killed me a hundred times over.

“You’re crap at this,” I told Valdez.

“You dodged a bullet?” he offered.

I actually laughed. “Yeah, actually the bullet went right through me and removed my heart during the process,” I replied. “Thank you though.”

Leo sighed. “This too shall pass?” he suggested.

The phrase reminded me of sometime last year when Will had been studying Urology and he’d told me how excruciatingly agonising it was to pass a kidney stone. I’d wanted to ask if he could give them pain medication to make it easier but we’d started making out and talking had slipped way too far down my priority list for the next two hours at least…

My stomach clenched at how awful that made me feel and I wondered what it said about my mental state that I’d rather have a hundred sharp rocks made of calcium forced through my urethra than suffer through losing the man I loved. I was in such a deep, visceral state of yearning, I was sure I would never stop feeling it. “I wish it’d hurry up,” I replied to Leo, trying to forget about a beautiful son of Apollo studying medicine and having sex with me in the bedroom we used to share.

“In the meantime, you have your best buddy?” Leo tried, wiggling his brows.

I rolled my eyes but gave him a reluctant smile. “I’m actually just going to listen to ‘Loneliest’ by Måneskin on repeat instead,” I said dryly as Leo and I parted ways and I continued walking to the university, my headphones blasting in my ears.

*

The general attitude after our first lecture was not good. Not only was the content more science based than therapeutic, but on top of that (and probably more significant) Professor Typal had pinned our partnership allocations for the dreaded joint project with the medical students at the front of the lecture theatre.

He scuttled out of the room surprisingly quickly for his age. I guess he didn’t want an angry rampage on his hands.

Ocean and I hung back in our seats, letting everyone else filter down the steps, read their partner allocation, groan predictably and stomp away to meet them.

“I bet I’ll get a private schooled jackass,” Ocean guessed.

“Don’t judge people by their upbringing,” I scolded.

She rolled her eyes. “Sorry, Mr. Perfect.”

When the last few people had departed, we finally picked up our bags and made our way down. The names were in alphabetical order so we saw Ocean’s allocation first: ‘Ocean Adoboli/Sam Knight’

“They sound like a waste of a cool last name,” Ocean evaluated.

I nudged her. “Stop being a sheep. They might be nice, you know.”

She mumbled something under her breath and slouched off, leaving me to find my name.

I didn’t know why I hadn’t expected it; I already knew the gods hated me. Either that or they had a wicked sense of humour. I stared at the pairing for a full minute before it finally sunk in: ‘Nico di Angelo/Will Solace’.

*

Will was waiting for me at our assigned desk in the library when I arrived. It was an impressive area consisting of five floors full of shelves and works of art. There were portraits of famous academics (mostly old white men) hung with egotistical autobiographies underneath. The carpets were a royal red colour and they even extended along the large curved staircases with golden bannisters interlinking the different floors.

The medicine faculty had booked the entire place out to give us all an opportunity to meet our partners in a calm and professional environment.

Will didn’t notice me at first, instead looking around the library with mild curiosity at the rest of the forced pairings for the project. There were a lot of disgruntled expressions, but people seemed to be getting along so far from what I could tell. When he noticed me, he smiled gloriously and I could see he was more than a bit relieved that I’d actually showed up.

I waved like an idiot, physically unable to stop myself smiling back, partly out of awkwardness, partly because I was happy to see him.

“Scared I was going to ditch you, Solace?” I asked as I pulled my chair out and slumped down across from him. He was wearing a yellow chequered knit vest over a long sleeved shirt and I suddenly had no question why other people had expressed interest in him.

Will shook his head. “I know what’s important to you.”

I raised an eyebrow, thinking that was a bold thing to say. Will hurriedly added, “Your course. And your projects.”

I nodded. “Oh. Yeah.”

I kind of wanted to continue our conversation from a few days ago but from the way Will was slipping books out of his bag and placing them on the table between us, he did not feel the same.

“I’ve been thinking about what our topic could be,” he started, flicking through one of the large, dusty books he’d apparently already borrowed from the library and read to completion. “And with the theme being ‘An exploration of the link between psychiatry and psychotherapy’, I think there’s obviously a huge connection with treatments, but I’m wondering if diagnosis could be a more unique approach.”

He found the page he was looking for and pointed to a couple of paragraphs. “It says here that therapists universally have better relationships with patients and I’m thinking about whether that could mean they could help with reducing diagnostic uncertainty statistics and even work to improve outcomes.”

He finally drew breath and looked back up at me. “What?” he asked uncertainly. “I mean, obviously it’s only a thought. We won’t even have to consider it if you hate it. And I’m sure you have ideas too.”

I shook myself. It was just so easy to get lost in his words when he was passionate about something. He was so impressive when he cared and it was annoying how attractive I found it. It brought me back a couple years when I’d used to watch him through entire infirmary shifts without getting bored.

I realised that I’d been probably staring stupidly at him for a few seconds too long though so I said, “I’ve been a bit preoccupied with other things, to be honest. You know… to actually have a proper think about it.”

Will nodded in understanding. “Of course being a semi famous actor has its downsides,” he teased, going for the less awkward distraction to mention. “Can I expect that to regularly impact our project?”

I rolled my eyes.

“I mean,” he continued, “it’s going to be difficult to write up a project if you’re constantly going to be approached by fans and stalkers.”

“Shut it, Solace,” I snapped, hiding my amusement.

He smiled in satisfaction and gestured back to the book. “Well? What do you think?”

I nodded slowly. “I think if that’s what you think we should do, then it’s good enough for me.”

Will gave me an unimpressed look. “You’re just going to take my word for it?”

“Just because I don’t trust you anymore, it doesn’t mean I don’t trust your professional opinion,” I blurted before I could stop myself.

Will looked down at his book in an obvious attempt to hide his hurt expression. I didn’t know why he got to be hurt since this was all his fault but I still felt a little bad.

“Can I borrow the book?” I asked, a little softer but still quite curt.

He slid it over to me. “Take your time,” he said. “And just let me know when you want to work on this.” He wrote an address on a piece of paper. “Here. If we don’t see each other at uni, you can drop by any time.”

I didn’t have time to dwell on the empty feeling in my stomach before he packed up the rest of his books and left the library.

Chapter Text

“Can’t you ask them to reallocate your partner?” Ocean asked me later that night.

We were back in my apartment, sitting at the small dining table, watching Ambrosius cook dinner for all of us.

“Yeah,” Ambri agreed as he stirred the pot on the stove. “This seems like a bit of a sad joke.”

I shook my head. “I’m not doing that.”

“Why not?” Ocean asked.

I shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.”

They both stared at me.

“Okay fine,” I relented. “It’s not the most convenient-“

“Convenient?!” Ocean cried. “Getting weekly reminders about your crushed heart by dangling a gorgeous blonde medic just out of your reach? Yeah, that’s just ‘ inconvenient ’.”

I sipped some water. “Well, it’s not like I’ve been successful in avoiding him before this anyway,” I muttered.

“Oh, so now you’re just giving up and straight up handing him your heart, all raw and still beating, ready for him to break it again?” Ocean asked.

“I’m not giving him anything,” I said.

“I think you’re underestimating how much you give,” Ambri told me as he threw in various spices to his pot. “To your friends, sure, but to someone you love more than that? I can’t imagine how draining it’ll be for you.”

“I don’t love him,” I mumbled, almost out of habit at this point.

“Aw, honey…” Ocean cooed, giving me a sympathetic look.

I threw a crisp at her. “Can we just stopping talking about this?”

“Sure,” Ocean said. “As long as you know what you’re doing.”

I nodded. I did know what I was doing, but voicing it would’ve probably warranted another intervention from my friends. I was now doing exactly the opposite of how I’d learnt to deal with unrequited love. Instead of trying to move on, I relished in the fact that Will and I were now tied together. I craved seeing him and even though I knew it was making this a thousand times harder for me, I couldn’t stop myself. I needed his presence in my life despite his presence being a constant mocking reminder of how much power he had over me.

I hadn’t given up on the completely ridiculous dream of Percy Jackson for years and my predicament with Will Solace was so much worse. So what if I spent a bit of extra time with him? So what if I’d stopped thinking practically weeks ago, solely focusing on one stupid person who didn’t deserve it? So what if I continued to feed my stupid feelings until they exploded my heart into shards of ice?

“Dinner’s served!” Ambri announced, plating us all a generous helping of chickpea curry and rice.

I drank more water to try and combat the dryness in my mouth. It was difficult not to enjoy Ambri’s cooking though and before I even took a bite, my mouth watered at the aromatic flavours swirling in the air.

“What would we do without you?” Ocean sighed appreciatively as she ate.

“You’d both be living off takeaways and would probably be double your sizes by now,” Ambri evaluated.

I hummed in agreement. “It’s delicious, Ambri.”

We ate in silence for a few moments just enjoying the food.

“How do you like your partner for the project?” Ambri asked Ocean.

Ocean finished swallowing. “Yeah, Sam seems alright actually.”

I rolled my eyes. “I told you not to judge them.”

Ocean shrugged. “She’s still annoyingly smart,” she told us. “I feel like I have to go home and look up everything she said just to understand the conversation we had.”

Ambri laughed. “Being smarter than you is not a high bar.”

I snorted as Ocean gasped in outrage.

The front door opened before she could respond and Leo emerged into the hallway.

“Whatsup, my peeps?” he asked. “Oh my forges, that smells amazing.”

Ambri pointed to the stove. “Help yourself.”

Leo spooned himself a large helping and sat down at the table. “What are we discussing?” he asked before taking a huge bite so that his cheeks looked a bit like a hamster.

“Just their new project partners,” Ambri supplied.

As soon as Leo swallowed, he burst out laughing, banging his hand on the table. “Oh my gods, yes!” he cried, looking at me. “What are the chances?”

“How do you already know?” I whined.

“You know Will’s my bestie,” Leo replied. “Plus… he’s not having the greatest of times at the moment so I’m doing my best to be there for him.”

I thought about that, wondering why Will wasn’t happy. I wanted to ask him and talk to him and I wanted to make it better for him.

“How’s he taking being stuck with me?” I asked. “I bet that’s not helping his mood.”

“Why’s that?” Leo asked, seeming genuinely confused.

“Umm, maybe because when you break up with someone, you typically don’t really want to see them anymore?” I replied sarcastically.

“Mmm,” Leo hummed as he ate. “There might be some truth to that... In certain cases I guess.”

That didn’t really answer my question but I guess I needed to stop bringing up the topic of Will with Leo. I was just going to get more and more frustrated.

“Whatever,” I mumbled, moving the rice around on my plate.

Leo apparently didn’t get the memo. “Oh yeah,” he continued, “Will asked me to ask you for his book back.”

I looked at him. “He just gave it to me.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “He just needs it back.”

“Well, if Will wants it back, he can ask for it himself,” I grumbled.

Ocean laughed. “You’re such a drama king,” she commented.

“Yeah,” agreed Ambri. “I didn’t realise you cared so much about the ‘Philosophy of Psychotherapy’,” he teased, quoting the book title.

“It’s about the principle,” I replied. “He said I could borrow it and to ‘take my time’ so that’s exactly what I’m going to do, thank you very much.”

Leo shrugged. “Whatever, man,” he said. “He seemed insistent though.”

Why was this irritating me so much? It was just a stupid book. Will didn’t need to come and find me to personally ask for it back. It wasn’t that big of a deal, but somehow, it grated on me. I couldn’t even put my feelings into words though so I decided to leave it.

Later on, I shut myself in my room to try and get some work done on the project. Since Will wanted the book back so badly, I decided to start by reading that to absorb as much of the information as I could before I returned it. I opened it up and accidentally let his bookmark fall out. I tried to figure out what page it had come out of but with no luck so I placed the piece of paper he’d used as a bookmark on my desk and started reading from the beginning.

*

Will ‘bumped’ into me outside of my lecture theatre the next morning. It was obvious he wasn’t there by accident because why else would he be here? But he looked as if he fit in anyway with a cool calmness and it was annoying how he could blend into any situation like a chameleon when I was more like a social zebra.

“Solace,” I greeted.

He visibly relaxed when he saw me, which I found unusual.

“Hi, Nico,” he replied. “Nice evening?”

I nodded, amused by his formality. “It was spectacular, thank you,” I replied in a sarcastically posh accent.

That got him to smile. “Sorry, I’m a bit on edge,” he admitted.

“Are you late to go work on our project without me?” I asked.

He furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”

I pulled the book out of my bag and handed it to him. “Leo told me you wanted it back.”

Will nodded. “Sorry,” he repeated. “I just left something important in it. I didn’t mean it to sound like I wanted to do the work without you.”

I remembered the paper that fell out of it last night. “Oh,” I replied, a little confused. “I think I left that at home,” I admitted. “I was going to put it back in but I completely forgot.”

Will shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.” He studied me, watching my expression closely. “Did you… look at it?”

I nodded. “It was really interesting.”

His eyes widened in panic and a little bit of… relief? I couldn’t quite tell.

“I didn’t manage to read all of it,” I continued cautiously, completely mystified by his reaction. “It’s quite a long book.”

Will sighed, his eyes downcast again. “Oh, right,” he replied.

If we were as close as we’d been, I would’ve told him to snap out of it and tell me what the Hades was going on. As it was though, I couldn’t really do that anymore, so I decided to continue being as normal as I could be.

“We can discuss it later if you like?” I offered.

Will nodded enthusiastically. “I’d like that,” he confirmed. “Where do you want to meet?”

I ran my schedule through my mind. “I’m teaching a class in the evening,” I told him. “So if you come over to mine, we can work right up until I have to leave?”

Will agreed and I gave him my address. It felt extremely weird since I’d once believed I’d be sharing all of my addresses with him, but I tried not to dwell on it.

It was only after he’d left and I’d sat down in the lecture theatre that I realised his panic had been caused by the thought of me reading his piece of paper and not the stupid book.

Chapter Text

As soon as I got home, I went into a manic cleaning mode. For some reason, the thought of Will being in my bedroom felt significant and I wanted it to seem perfect. I loved the small part of my brain that told me if Will liked my room enough, he’d want to get back together with me. It was really fun feeling the lightness of hope only to remember that it was completely futile.

Every time I looked at my desk, my eyes drifted towards the piece of paper that had fell out of Will’s book. I had multiple mini arguments about it in my head, each one making me feel a little crazy:

Just read it.

I can’t invade Will’s privacy.

He handed it straight to you.

Unintentionally.

You deserve some kind of explanation.

Not like this though. He seemed really panicky when he thought I’d read it.

But he also seemed relieved.

I was probably just imagining that.

He doesn’t have to know you read it.

I would know.

If it was that important, surely he wouldn’t have used it as a bookmark?

I pressed my hands into my eyes and groaned loudly, thankful that no one else was home. Then I grabbed the paper, only hesitating slightly before shoving it into my desk drawer to prevent any more temptation.

I wanted to change out of my jeans like I usually did when I came home and I wondered what outfit I wanted Will to see. Something else more casual? Smart? Ew no, that would be weird. I wondered if I should just stay in my normal clothes then I got angry with myself for caring so much about mindless things so I put my slobbiest joggers on in defiance.

Sitting cross legged on my bed, angry, frustrated and confused, my eyes wandered over to my desk drawer again. If I’d have read it last night, I would’ve been blameless. I’d have had no idea what it was or that Will cared that much about it. And after all Will had put me through, did he really deserve this amount of respect from me?

I internally scolded myself. Because of course he did. Nobody deserved anything less than to be treated as people and I’d definitely learnt that the hard way. I sighed into my hands thinking about how I never wanted to be something I was ashamed of. And just as I was sure I was actually going crazy, the doorbell rung.

More lively again, I sprung up, a bit too eager to answer it than I would’ve liked. Will stood in the doorway with slightly rosy cheeks and tousled hair thanks to the first biting winds of autumn. He smiled widely when he saw me which, matched with his orange Mr. Happy sweatshirt, helped prolong my ever growing confusion about what the guy was thinking.

“You look cold,” I commented.

Will ruffled his hair as if that were the problem. He ended up looking cuter though. “Well you should probably let me in then,” he replied.

I stepped aside and gestured for him to come in. His familiar scent overwhelmed me as he brushed past and I got partly annoyed at how tall he was, especially since he was wearing shoes and I was barefoot.

“Take your shoes off,” I decided.

Will gave me a look of partial amusement. “Give me a second,” he remarked.

He kicked his shoes off and I remembered that annoyingly, he was still so much taller than me (as if I could ever not remember every single inch of him). Damn it.

“Come on then,” I told him, leading him through the living area and into my room. I tried to ignore the fact that my palms were sweating.

I went to sit on the centre of my bed and watched Will take it all in. He walked in slowly, looking around, examining the walls, my books, my posters, my desk, my bedspread.

“You have yellow sheets,” he stated.

I shrugged looking at the sunshiny colours and pale swirls. When I’d chosen them, Hazel had bet me she could guess the colour I’d go for. I’d intentionally chosen yellow just to win.

“Prolonging the dark aesthetic from the Hades cabin seemed unfavourable I guess,” I replied to Will, which didn’t make any sense because we’d spent over half a year living together in New Rome before he’d left and he would know my sheets were anything but black during that time. I just wasn’t thinking clearly. Or trying to block that all out. Or both.

I didn’t know why I was so nervous about Will’s assessment of my room but I somehow felt a bit exposed as he wandered around, paying close attention to anything on display. I wondered why he even cared and what he was thinking.

“This is Ocean and…?” he asked as he looked at a picture on my wall by my to-do list whiteboard.

“Ambrosius,” I replied. “He’s my flatmate. You saw him the other day.”

Will nodded, his face turned away from me so I couldn’t read his expression. “He seemed nice.”

What was that supposed to mean? “He is,” I confirmed.

“And pretty,” Will added, more quietly.

I scoffed. “I’ll ask him out for you if you’d like,” I snapped sarcastically.

Will chuckled and turned around, showing me that although he seemed light, his eyes were sad. “I’m good, thanks.”

I wanted to ask about whether he’d seen anyone else since we’d broken up. I wanted to know if he’d kissed anyone, been with anyone, shared intimate moments with anyone. I didn’t have the courage though (to ask or know the answer).

Will went back to admiring my photos and posters. “Is this another friend?”

I laughed. “Since he’s floating and naked and in a fake world of pink trees and butterflies, I’d have to say no,” I replied. “That’s a poster of Lil Nas X on his Montero album cover.”

Will smiled and shrugged. “Never heard of him.”

I rolled my eyes. “And you continue to be as uncultured as ever.”

He put his hands on his hips. “Excuse me, Mr. Timewarp Grandpa.”

I laughed. “That just makes it more embarrassing for you that you know less of modern culture.”

Will shrugged. “I know the important things.”

“Great,” I replied. “Then you can put that knowledge into the project that we haven’t started yet?”

I shuffled up the bed and gestured for Will to sit down opposite me. The mattress wobbled as he did and I hated my mind for making me imagine all of the things we used to do in bed.

Will pulled out his books, blank paper, pens, highlighters and post it notes.

“I would’ve suggested we go to the library if I’d have known you were going to bring an entire stationary store with you,” I commented.

“Shut it,” he replied. “This is called organisation and since you’re my partner now, you better get used to it.”

I sighed, picking up a pen and fiddling with the cap. “I think we should go through the books first,” I suggested, “and noting down everything relevant to our topic. Then we can start our writeup. Are these all the books you could find?”

Will shook his head. “I just borrowed these for ideas. We should probably ask the librarian for more specific books once we get through these.”

He handed me the book I’d given back to him this morning. “You said you wanted to finish this one?”

I took it and opened it on the page I’d got to last night as Will started reading another hefty volume. We sat in silence for a good half an hour, reading and taking notes and highlighting key points. It was nice actually. It was probably the first time I felt relaxed around him since I was focusing on something else.

“Look at this,” Will said, breaking the quiet and pointing to a passage.

“Hmm?”

“I think we should include something like this. I like the perspective.”

I liked it too when I’d read it. It definitely gave a different feeling to therapy. “I like how much weight he’s giving to the therapists,” I noted, seeing that the author was a doctor. “Usually they’re not really taken seriously.”

Will tutted. “They spend the most time with patients. It only makes sense.”

I smiled. “I think that’s why a lot of my friends are hating this project. Because of the elitist mindset.”

Will scrunched up his nose in distaste. “Maybe they shouldn’t be training to be doctors then.”

I laughed. “I don’t think it’s actually a real thing,” I noted. “Just something they all come up with to… I don’t know… justify the feud.”

Will smiled and gave me a teasing look. “So you’re supposed to hate me because I’m an enemy?”

I rolled my eyes. “I’d hate you either way.”

He wiggled his eyebrows at me. “Sure, di Angelo, sure.”

“Shut up,” I snapped because this was beginning to look too much like flirting. “Let’s just get back to work.”

I lingered my gaze on him a couple more seconds as he looked back down at his book and tried to stop seeing him in such a romantic way (his soft hair, the angle of his jaw, the dotted freckles along his sun-kissed skin). Unfortunately and predictably, it didn’t work.

After another half hour or so, Will started packing away suddenly.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

He gave me a confused look. “Don’t you have your class?”

I looked at the clock. “Gods, time flies when you’re not getting any work done.”

Will tutted. “We made good progress today,” he told me, looking around the room and neatly tucking all of his belongings into his pastel yellow backpack. I watched him carefully fold things up and studied how he made sure not to dislodge the rainbow badges attached to the fabric of his bag.

“Good luck with your class,” he said, hefting his bag onto his back. “I can let myself out.”

“Okay, bye…” I mumbled to empty air since he’d already rushed out.

Gods, he seemed in a hurry to get out of here. Interesting. I sat back against my headboard in exasperation, trying to figure out what I’d done wrong this time when my eyes drifted over to my desk drawer. I bounded up, grabbed the folded up piece of paper in it and just managed to catch Will as he was at the bottom of the flight of stairs.

“You forgot this,” I told him.

Will looked at it and hesitated. If I hadn’t known any better, his expression seemed almost… disappointed? He took it though and mumbled his thanks.

As I walked back up the stairs, I thought about his behaviour, from the laughing, the teasing, the abrupt departure for no apparent reason… If you’d have asked me, I would’ve said he’d left it here on purpose for a second time. He’d definitely looked all around the room whilst packing up his things and if this was as important as he’d made it out to be, he definitely would have remembered about it. I didn’t know why, but I was pretty certain about one thing: He had wanted me to read it.

But, I thought, as I closed my door, if that really had been his motive then that meant he was playing games and I didn’t want any part of that. If he wanted me to know something, he’d have to pluck up the courage to tell me to my face. Or he’d have to accept the fact that I was never going to find out.

Chapter Text

“What was that thing about Diocletian’s sceptre?” Ambrosius asked me when I got home after teaching my class.

“Huh?” I asked, not really paying attention. My stomach was growling and I was really craving some avocado on toast so that was my main priory at the moment.

“The summons,” Ambri added.

I busied myself with crushing the avocado and finely chopping some onions. “Summons?” I asked, the words kind of floating over my head.

“The summons for Diocletian’s sceptre,” he clarified, crossing his legs up on the sofa where he was sitting.

I plucked the toast out and started spreading it with butter, making a satisfying scraping noise. “You know that got destroyed ages ago,” I told him. “What are you even talking about?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t know that,” he said. “It just seemed important so I thought I’d ask.”

I took a bite out of my guac covered toast. “Didn’t I tell you it got destroyed when I told you about…” I trailed off, forgetting to chew for a second. “I never told you about my quests in Europe, did I?”

I hardly ever spoke about what I’d been through in my life. The last time I’d opened up about everything was with Will and look where that got me: a gaping hole in my chest, apparently unfillable and somehow growing every single day.

Ambri shook his head. “Swallow your toast, Nico.”

I rolled my eyes and continued chewing. “So what exactly are you talking about?” I asked when I’d finished the bite.

Ambri groaned and answered slowly like I were a child. “The summons on your desk about Diocletian’s sceptre.”

The blood rose in my cheeks and my eyes widened. “On my desk…?” I whispered, dropping my toast. “You mean the folded up piece of paper? Right in the middle?”

Ambri looked taken aback by my sudden intensity. “Um, yes?”

I walked into my room, remembered I’d just given the paper back to Will and walked back out, pacing up and down the hall. “I… you… Will… I mean… What were you doing going through my things?” I eventually settled on even though that was definitely not the question I really wanted to ask right now.

“I thought it was the recommendation letter you said you’d write for me,” he said. “Sorry. I didn’t know it was that important.”

I dropped down onto the sofa next to him. “What else did it say?” I urged. “Was it about me?”

Ambri gave me a confused look. “You didn’t read your own letter?”

“ My letter?” I repeated, my mind racing uncontrollably. I so desperately wanted to make sense of it but I didn’t have enough information to even consider any theories.

“I thought it was an old one that you’d sorted out,” he added. “It was dated five months ago.”

Five months ago . Just before Will had left me.

“Why don’t you go and read it to remind yourself what it says?” he asked me.

“I gave it back to Will,” I muttered.

He gave me a look of complete incomprehension and so I decided to explain everything, from Will’s odd behaviour and right up until I’d just handed my own letter back to him without reading it.

“Oh,” was all Ambri said when I’d finished, clearly lost for words. I wasn’t much better, my mind reeling from broken fragments of memories of Will Solace.

“I don’t understand the part about Diocletian’s sceptre,” I stated after some time.

Ambri shrugged. “I didn’t even know what it was,” he admitted. “But I assumed you still had the sceptre if they were making a big deal out of it. What does it matter if it’s destroyed?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered. “But who’s they?”

Ambri paused a second before replying. “The official court of New Rome.”

My eyes widened, seeing the concern on Ambri’s face, feeling the anxiety of my own heart and I decided I had to know what was going on.

“Nico?” Ambrosius asked cautiously as I stood up abruptly, kicked my shoes on and wrapped my aviator jacket around me.

“I’ll see you later,” I replied, slamming the door behind me, practically running down the stairs and out into the cold night. The biting wind numbed my hands as I looked at the scrunched up bit of paper with Will’s address written on it.

For some reason, I’d kept it in my pocket this entire time, somehow knowing that I’d use it sooner or later. I took a few wrong turns because I’d never been to this side of the city before but the adrenaline in my veins and the resolve in my mind didn’t subside even with the cold temperature and dark air.

Will’s building was more tall than wide, and it was amongst dozens of identical ones lining the thin road as if it were trying to hide between them. I checked the address once more before walking up to the door to ring the doorbell.

“Nico?” a soft voice asked before I could reach it though.

I whipped around to see Annabeth approaching in a blue puffer jacket and white knit hat, a carrier bag around her wrist.

“Hello,” I greeted, stepping down from the doorstep so that we were level. “How’s everything?”

She smiled when she got closer as if she were glad to see me. “Cold but I’m glad I’m home now,” she replied.

I looked around at the packed road. “You live on this street?” I asked. It wasn’t surprising since the cramped houses, over spilling recycling bins of alcohol bottles and post-it note messages on windows screamed student housing .

She gestured behind me. “That one in particular actually.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Oh. This one?”

She nodded. “That’s the one. I take it you weren’t coming to visit me then?”

I looked at her apologetically and she laughed. “Don’t worry. I’m sure if I were as attractive as Will Solace, I’d get lots of gentlemen callers too.”

Why did everyone keep mentioning how attractive he was? As if I could forget anyway.

“I just wanted to… talk to him… about something,” I replied a bit pathetically.

“I’m sure you do,” she said not unkindly as she rubbed her arm awkwardly. “All good things?”

The look I gave her must have portrayed my emotions a bit more than I’d intended because she quickly added, “I don’t mean to pry. It’s just… well…” She shook her head. “No, never mind.” She started to walk to the door. “Do you want me to let you in?”

I sighed. “I think we’ve been through enough together for you to be able to tell me what you want to tell me,” I said curtly.

She turned around slowly, gave me a small grimacing smile and nodded. “I’ve known Will a long time,” she started. “And I don’t claim to be an expert but I do know him enough to know that he’s going through a really hard time.”

I stared at her, wondering if that was it.

“When he came back,” she continued when I hadn’t said anything, “Ash and I were so worried about him. He seemed so different… He was just generally really down I guess. We were obviously happy to take him in as our flatmate when he asked and we do our best to cheer him up but… it’s clear something really bad has happened.”

I was split between annoyance that I was hearing this from Annabeth and worry for Will. Then I realised that Will wasn’t really my concern anymore.

“Bad things happen to everyone,” I muttered bitterly.

Annabeth sighed. “I’m just saying that… I know you’re angry, Nico. Rightfully so. I don’t know what exactly happened between you two and to be honest, Will hasn’t told me much about what’s happened to him after he left but… just as his friend and yours too, I want to tell you to give him a break, okay?”

“You don’t know-“

“I know I don’t,” she interrupted. “And I’m sure what you have to say is important. But I also know that Will is really out of sorts tonight.” She revealed what was in her shopping bag. Chocolates, marshmallows and ice cream. “Ash and I were really worried earlier so I went out to get him something sweet. Us and Leo were planning on watching some Star Wars with him or something. Just let him have a calm night with some ice cream, yeah? Please?”

I took a step back, my resolve cracking a bit. It was funny how the most important thing in your mind could suddenly be trumped by something you hadn’t even considered.

“Thank you,” Annabeth whispered.

She gave me one last smile before pulling her keys out.

“Annabeth?” I asked before she could open her door.

“Mmm hmm?”

“Is he going to be alright?”

She gave me a sad smile. “I don’t know.”

Hearing about Will being upset made me feel worse than anything else. I didn’t care that he’d hurt me. I just wanted him to be happy. Unsurprisingly, I hadn’t really wondered how Will had being feeling and I didn’t think I’d actually even asked. Even though Leo had mentioned it, I guess I hadn’t really figured it had been that significant. All this time, had he been holding it together in front of me? How bad had he been feeling? My poor Will. I felt my eyes welling.

“Give him a hug for me,” I managed, imagining falling into one of his embraces which didn’t help my cracking heart.

Annabeth nodded kindly. “Thanks, Nico,” she said before disappearing into her house.

Chapter Text

I had decided not to bring up the letter with Will. For one, he had clearly wanted some kind of reaction from me and I was done playing into his games. I was actually glad Annabeth had stopped me so I could have a moment of clarity for my dignity’s sake. Secondly, even though it did seem important, I knew that it wasn’t. Because Will would never do that to me. He would never hide something that had the potential to hurt me by doing so, and I wasn’t going to waste my time trying to figure it out if that was the case. And thirdly, Will was obviously going through something awful, and I didn’t want to be another source of stress for him. It didn’t mean I was going to be his friend or anything like that, but being civil seemed doable. For now.

It was surprisingly easy not to drop my act and demand answers from him when Will and I met up again to work on our project. It was just one more thing I had to hide from him. I was currently trying not to look at him, but he was making it really difficult when he constantly interrupted the internal monologue of me trying and failing to convince myself that I didn’t have feelings for him.

“I like what you wrote here, your passion really shines through,” Will said, grinning kindly at me.

Fuck me, his smile . I wanted to- No. No, bad Nico. I don’t adore his smile.

“Do you think we could use this reference in the first paragraph?” Will asked.

I hate the way he cares so much about everything little detail, I told myself. He’s so finicky and annoying and everything he does turns out beautiful and impressive and perfect .

“I think you spelt this wrong, but I’ll fix it for us,” he said.

I cannot stand how he makes everything I do better. It’s like putting my life through a multi station car wash, buffing, polishing and oiling until even I can’t deny how much shiner I was.

“Nico,” Will sighed after some time of us going round in circles of my noncommittal responses because I’d been trying to focus on my (admittedly failing) monologue.

“Yeah?” I asked distractedly. “What?”

He paused then asked softly, “Are you okay?”

I looked up at him.

He held his hands up. “I know we’re nothing,” he assured quickly. “It’s just-“

“We’re not nothing, Will,” I interrupted.

He raised his eyebrows.

I gestured between us. “We’re project partners.”

He chuckled politely. “Well, exactly,” he said. “And as your partner… I want to check in. To just make sure you’re okay. Not that I care obviously. Because we’re nothing. But… I do care about my grade so.”

That made me smile a little. “I’m… fine.”

Will narrowed his eyes at me, a gesture I’d seen many times before when he’d wanted to show me he didn’t believe me at all.

“Can we just… continue with this?” I asked.

“Okay let’s play a game,” Will said, tucking his legs beneath his lap and leaning back against the pillows on his bed.

I almost laughed at how casual he was acting. “Game?”

He nodded happily. “I think you’ll enjoy it.”

I snorted. “Will I?”

“Will says you will,” he confirmed.

I rolled my eyes. “Well, if Will says I will, Will will have to prove it.”

He grinned dorkily and my heart ached something terrible.

“So here’s what we’re going to do,” Will said, all business. “We’ll take turns asking questions to each other. And the other person will try their best to answer.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“Nothing too personal,” Will assured. “Nothing that will encroach… boundaries. But I think… if we’re going to work together this semester, and work well , we have to at least be comfortable talking. About small things anyway.”

I sighed long and deep because I guess he was right. I wasn’t sure it would help me be any more of a functional person around him, but if he wanted to give it a try, why not? Maybe some small talk was exactly what I needed after the complete shit show my life had been these past few weeks. Plus it might help me achieve ‘civil’ with him.

“Fine,” I shrugged, dropping my pen. “Go ahead, Solace.”

“Hmmmm,” he said deep in his throat as he pondered. He raised his arms in a stretch, his shirt riding up a little and I scolded myself for letting myself enjoy it. I made myself look into his eyes instead and that was a mistake because seeing his piercing gaze and gorgeous blue irises was so much worse.

“Have you…” Will said, “ever gotten in trouble with Typal?”

I smiled despite myself. “That’s your question?”

“Too personal?” he joked. “You don’t want to admit your troublemaker tendencies to me?”

I rolled my eyes. “Is that what you think of me?”

“No,” Will replied immediately. “I think you take your studying very seriously. You’re extremely intelligent and you enjoy college. Plus you have a validation complex.”

I scoffed indignantly. “I do not.”

He raised his eyebrows, giving me a subtle smile that made my cheeks heat. He smartly didn’t say anything though.

“Why are you asking if you already know the answer then?” I demanded.

He shrugged. “Just confirming what I already know,” he said. “Getting the lay of the land.”

I rolled my eyes and blurted, “Why do you want to get the ‘lay’ of any land?”

“Is that your question?” Will asked.

“Too personal?” I echoed.

He studied me, and I felt like he could see each individual neurone that was firing sporadically in my brain. “Yeah,” he replied after a moment.

I scoffed incredulously. “Seriously?”

He shrugged. “Ask something else.”

I tried to ignore my itching curiosity and racked my brain for something to ask him. What did I want to know? Nothing that didn’t ’encroach boundaries’ came to mind straight away, and the fact that Will was looking at me expectantly was not helping me think.

“How are you making it work with Jaz now?” I asked. Since one of the reasons he’d left was apparently that he wanted to concentrate on that. For just four months though? That still didn’t make any sense to me.

Will thought for a minute then decided, “Too personal.”

I stared at him, wondering what he would actually consider a fair question. Maybe he just didn’t want to offer any details about his life to me. At least that would be reasonable, but then why propose this ‘game’ in the first place?

“What are you doing in your spare time?” I asked.

That made him look even more uncomfortable. “Too personal.”

I rolled my eyes. “What were you going to tell me on show night?” I tried, since that was something he’d actually initiated before.

Will pressed his lips together as his fingers reached into his pocket to pull out a bandage for him to fiddle with. “Too personal,” he repeated quietly.

I threw my hands up. “Well, this clearly isn’t working,” I said irritably. “Can we just get back to work?”

Will sighed. “Fine, I’m sorry.”

“It was a good idea,” I assured. “Except you actually have to participate in your own game, Solace.”

“I want to,” he whined. “I just want the conversation to stay light.”

I wanted to argue that if any little question was going to delve into something important, then maybe we should be having those conversations. But I was sure neither of us wanted that anyway.

“How’s the camp job going?” I asked.

Will nodded. Fucking finally. “Good,” he replied. “It’s like being at home working there. Especially because of the Greek shift in injury mechanism. I assume you’re to blame for that.”

I gave him a confused look. “What are you talking about?”

He smiled. “Well, I did some shifts last year remember?” he said. “When we’d first moved here. And the injuries were extremely Roman compared to what I was used to. Clean stab wounds, injuries only in the kinks of armour, nearly no broken bones. And now… well, let’s just say I can tell who’s been teaching them.”

I let out a breathy laugh. “So it’s my fault they’re starting to break bones?”

“Not just that,” Will replied. “There’s more slashing flesh wounds, more spiral injuries, just generally more… evidence of power in everything.” He paused before assuring, “It’s a good thing. For them and for me.”

“Really?” I asked unimpressed.

“Oh, yes,” Will said. “For them because they’ve got more range and better confidence. And for me because I can almost pretend it’s three years ago when I had the privilege to heal your dumbass injuries almost every other day. It was the best thing ever.”

I stared at him, constantly wondering why the Hades he was being so nice to me, why he insisted on trying this hard to make me feel good. He must be driven by guilt. There was no other explanation.

So I closed off my expression and forced my tone darker. “I think we’re incapable of talking without encroaching boundaries,” I stated plainly. “Let’s just do our work and stop trying.”

Will looked mortified. “What did I say?”

“We’re not talking anymore, Solace,” I snapped.

“If you just tell me what I did wrong-“

“Everything!” I cried. “This is all wrong. We are broken up, for gods’ sake and I don’t understand why, out of the two of us, I’m the only one who seems to think that means anything. You need to stop this… whatever it is you’re doing because you are hurting me, Will. You’re not making this better. You’re making it worse and I can’t do it anymore.”

His eyes went glossy and I forced myself to look back down at my work.

“Can we just talk-“ he tried again.

But I interrupted. “No, we can’t. Because I spent years learning how to open up for you and I actually got pretty good. But now I’m currently trying to unlearn it all. So no, you can’t ask me to explain a godsdamn thing. We don’t do that anymore.”

The words on the page I was trying to read were starting to swirl together. I would be dammed if I cried in from of him so I slammed the book closed and quickly stuffed my things into my bag.

“We’ll finish this later,” I mumbled before heading out as quickly as was humanly possible.

Chapter Text

It was past midnight when I left my apartment. I grabbed a couple of crisp packets, cans of coke and a chocolate chip cookie, because I needed to get on their good side today, then quietly shuffled out, trying not to wake Leo who was fast asleep on the couch by the door.

The street was dead silent, the only light coming from a tall lamppost in front of the building. I snuck around the back anyway, not wanting to be disturbed. It was a small, sheltered area surrounded by trees and bins. There was a cracked hole in the tarmac that I lowered myself down next to.

Summoning ghosts came naturally for me now. It used to feel uncomfortable, clunky. But I’d perfected the ritual over the years and I could do it with my eyes closed now. At the last moment, I split the cookie in half so I could treat myself while I did this. The gods knew I deserved something sweet after suffering through the sourness of the past month.

As I munched on cinnamon flavour dotted with chocolate chips, I pushed away the tortured souls who cried out to me.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve got my own damn problems…” I muttered, finding it was easier to ignore their pleas when I was hyper fixated on my absolute pathetic excuse of a life.

When I finally found the person I’d summoned, I willed his spirit through the gap between life and death, feeling his presence when I’d succeeded.

“Oh no,” Paul Schlicht exclaimed dramatically when he saw me, which I thought was unfair since he was essentially wearing a bright pink frilly dog collar around his neck. “Not you again.”

“My name is Nico,” I huffed. “And I got you a cookie this time, just like you wanted.”

Paul placed a hand on his ethereal hip. “And I see you’ve snagged half of it for yourself.”

I shrugged. “Take it or leave it.”

“You know I can’t leave until you let me,” Paul sighed.

“Well, how’s about we have a talk to pass the time then?” I asked, much cheerier than I felt.

Paul eyed me up and down. “You don’t want me to perform another Am I Gay quiz, right?” he asked tiredly. “Because honestly, boy, if you have to even question-“

“Nope,” I interrupted. “I’m very, very gay. Absolutely no question there. Thanks.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” he said. “You do look older. Wiser. More… harrowed.”

I snorted. “More so than when I was twelve?” I asked skeptically. “You must be misremembering.”

He shook his head. “It seems like yesterday to me, boy,” he said. “And trust me, when a troubled kid pulls you out of an eternal slumber to bother you about his identity crisis… That’s not something you forget.”

“Hmph,” I replied, the memory of my depressed, gay child self being terrified that I was in fact my gay self circling my mind. I’d summoned the first person I could think of to host a classic ‘Am I Gay?’ quiz of my own because the thought of getting caught looking one up on the big house computer was enough to give me a panic attack. And that person had been Paul Schlicht, the creator of the first Cosmopolitan magazine.

I’d kind of realised I’d been wasting his time when the first question had been ‘Who’s the first person you can imagine kissing?’ and my poor twelve year old brain was filled with so many images of me making out with Percy Jackson, I was sure I’d resembled an overripe tomato ready to burst.

“I’m sure your whole career has been filled with people like me,” I defended. “Asking you for advice.”

Paul nodded. “I’ve had a lot of queer awakening conversations,” he agreed. “They’re always quite clear cut, if I’m honest.”

“Mmm,” I said. “That doesn’t surprise me.” Straight people didn’t question their identity.

Paul shifted, his glowing form levitating onto the lid of the bin behind him and placed his chin in his hand. “So what’s the problem this time, Nico?” he asked. “Some boy go and break your heart? Is that the reason for all this… surrounded harrowing?”

I scowled a bit too hard and his eyes widened. “I’ve hit the nail on the head, haven’t I?” he said, almost boasting. “You’ll have to forgive me. The only other type of person I saw more than questioning folks, were yearning folks.”

“I am not yearning ,” I complained.

Paul batted me away. “Oh, I’ve seen it all before,” he assured. “You can pretend all you want. But the reason you go to outsider help like me is not because you don’t want them anymore. It’s the complete opposite, right?”

That did not help my mood. “You’re not helping me.”

Paul shrugged. “Am I supposed to be helping?”

“If you want to get back to the underworld in peace,” I growled.

“Don’t take your anger out on me,” Paul scolded calmly. “Save that for the guy. Or your therapist.”

I scoffed. “Fine. You want to go back? That’s fine. I’ll just-“

Paul groaned. “What did he do?” he asked loudly, giving me an expectant look.

I shook my head. “Never mind that,” I replied, not really wanting to get into the nitty gritty of how exactly Will Solace had completely broken me. “I just want your advice on one thing.”

Paul raised his shimmering eyebrows. “And why do I feel like this is going to be something of the impossible?”

I frowned until he sighed. “Yes, yes, spit it out, Nico. What’s your question?”

I crossed my legs, squeezing my body as tightly around myself as I could make it go, like I needed a safety blanket. “How do I…” I whispered cautiously, “stop… loving him?”

I looked down at my hands because I couldn’t stand Paul’s look of pity. I swallowed, trying to pull myself together but just putting this truly awful situation into words was getting to me. I loved Will Solace. I loved him so much . And I wished I didn’t.

Schlicht pressed his lips together and smoothed his creased features. “Nico…” he said sadly. “You asked me the same thing about your sexuality all those years ago.”

“That was different!” I snapped, wiping an angry tear from my cheek. “That can’t be changed! This can!”

“Can it?” Paul asked.

I threw my hands up in the air. “That’s what I’m asking you to help me with!”

Paul sighed. “Do you know why I made so much money with the magazine?” he asked softly. “The magazine that had a new strategy for getting over your ex in every single issue?”

I stared at him stubbornly.

“Because,” he answered, “heartbreak is unfixable. Everybody knows that. But heartbroken people are willing to try anything , to make the pain stop.”

I screamed loudly in frustration and dumped myself onto the ground, gripping my head into my hands like I wanted to squeeze my feelings out. I’d known this, of course I’d known it. I didn’t know why I’d even tried. I was an idiot. And what was worse, I wasn’t even willing to give up yet.

“Give me some,” I begged. “Strategies.”

Paul sighed. “Did you hear me when I told you it’s unfixable-?”

“Give me some!” I repeated harshly.

Paul started counting on his fingers. “Burn whatever stuff you’ve got left of his?”

I scoffed. “You want me to get rid of half my clothes?” I demanded. “Kitchen supplies we bought together? My favourite blanket? The skull printed plasters he gave me for emergencies? That’s just unsafe. And what about chocolate bars or TV shows he’d introduced me to? I should just stop eating my favourite candy and seeing my comfort shows?”

Paul gave me an unimpressed look.

“Continue,” I told him.

He lifted a second finger up. “Try dating someone else?”

“No!” I cried, almost hysterically. “Are you insane ? I can’t date anyone else! I’m supposed to date Will ! Because how will I love anyone like I love Will? It’s not possible! There’s no one like him. He was perfect .” I sniffled and started crying into my hands again. “He was supposed to be it ,” I whined, feeling the ache in my chest grow. “And I still cannot believe, even after five months, that I somehow managed to lose the best thing that happened to me… I don’t… It doesn’t make sense-“

“Nico?”

I wiped the tears out of my eyes to see Leo walking tentatively into the most fun meeting I’d ever had ever. “Hi,” I said, not even feeling in the mood to hide my complete desolation.

“I was worried,” he explained, eyeing me and then my ghost friend. “And I heard what you were… I mean, you were shouting quite loud so…”

I rolled my eyes. “Like you don’t know anyway,” I said as he came to sit next to me on the tarmac. “This is Paul Schlicht by the way.”

Leo gave him a bemused wave.

“I’m the breakup expert apparently,” Paul said.

“You’re being less than helpful,” I told him honestly.

He didn’t look like he particularly cared about that.

“Will made me feel so seen,” I muttered, even though literally no one had asked. “He made me forget all the bad about myself, all the things I was so sure that were unloveable. He was some warmth in my life full of complete darkness and gods , was he warm . He loved me like no else ever had, gave me everything I needed, everything I wanted. Because all I wanted was him. He was enough. He was… He was… so damn perfect.”

“He is pretty dreamy,” Leo agreed.

I groaned. “Not helping.”

“Yeah, I’d get back together with him if I were you,” Paul said. “He sounds marvellous.”

“Also not helping,” I grumbled.

“Why not?” Leo asked genuinely.

I looked at him like he was stupid. “Because he doesn’t want me, Valdez,” I spelled out slowly, which hit harder than I’d thought it would.

“So you still want him?” he asked bluntly.

I didn’t reply; there really was no point.

“If he turned around and decided he did want you again,” Leo continued, “would you take him back?”

I opened my mouth but didn’t say anything. What kind of question was that?

“If he came round tomorrow morning,” Leo said, “told you he’s always loved you, he was a fool for breaking it off and swept you completely off your feet… Would you take him back?”

Would I? My instinct was to say ‘yes’. Like immediately. But it was obviously more complicated than that. Taking Will back after what he’d done would be doing myself a huge disservice. Because that would mean he’d what? Been confused whether he loved me or not? And then realised that he did love me after all? How could I ever live with him after something like that? How could I ever trust what he truly felt? How could I ever believe he actually loved me instead of that he just couldn’t find anyone better?

“No,” I said with resounding certainty. “It’s dead. One hundred percent dead, buried, ferried over the Styx. That’s why I need help getting over him.” I looked pointedly at Paul. “But apparently even the experts are useless…”

Schlicht shook his head at me. “If we had a sure way of turning off feelings,” he said with a quiet sense of calm certainty, “people would do it whenever things got hard and we’d have no feelings left in the world.”

Chapter Text

The stars sparkled across the sky, illuminating the white barracks of Camp Jupiter. From where we were sitting, I could see along the road and into the quieting city. Pluto’s shrine had the effect of giving us a peaceful place to think whilst also sharing a glimpse of our respective homes side by side.

“Andrew keeps praising your classes by the way,” Hazel informed me. “They all do, but especially him.”

I smiled. “I’d act modest, but who would I be kidding?”

She laughed. “He and some of the other kids have also developed a sense of… let’s say disregard for certain rules.”

I didn’t say anything, just bit my lip to hide my smile.

“You wouldn’t have anything to do with that?” Hazel asked. “Would you?”

I shrugged. “I teach swordsmanship,” I stated.

Hazel scoffed. “You teach Greek swordsmanship,” she corrected.

“That wasn’t a problem when you hired me,” I replied. “I’ve never known you to be Greekist.”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t play dumb,” she scolded. “And don’t change the subject. You know I’m not like that.”

I smiled at her. “Okay.”

“Nico,” she whined. “You’re creating problems.”

“Like what?” I asked, actually curious.

She sighed. “The other day, Frank was trying to teach them how to get into formation properly and when he told them to stand up straight, I heard one of them whisper to their friends that it wasn’t their fault they didn’t have a gladius up their backside.”

I burst out laughing, then looked at Hazel’s unimpressed expression. “Sorry,” I said quickly, trying not to smile.

“Now where have I heard that expression before?” she asked me sarcastically.

“Just because I may or may not have said that in the past, it doesn’t mean I own the phrase,” I defended.

She tutted. “I know it was you.”

I sighed. “I’m sorry,” I said a little more sincerely. “I can’t teach kids when they’re all conditioned to fear me.”

“They don’t fear us,” Hazel tried to argue, but she sounded unsure.

“It’s definitely not as bad as I’m making it out to be,” I told her. “But you know how it is. Being at the bottom of the pecking order, especially in a legion. Sometimes they get so focused on following orders and being scared of messing up, they forget to be themselves.”

Hazel hummed.

“It’s nice to see them let go for an hour every week,” I said. “I think everyone needs that. Especially kids.”

My sister placed a hand on my back. “Is that the only reason you’ve taken to becoming ‘Fun Aunt Nico?’”

I laughed along with her and when she gave me an expectant look, I threw my hands up. “Fine,” I relented. “And it’s nice to be liked after years of hate. Sue me.”

Hazel stroked my shoulder. “I understand that,” she whispered. “But you can be liked while still adhering to the rules of the legion. You know things have changed.”

I nodded. “I guess. I just… it’s not me. All the orders and formations and rules.”

Hazel laughed. “I’ve never known you to be Romanist.”

I nudged her gently. “You know what I mean.”

“In that you’re a chronic rule breaker?” she teased.

“Hey,” I said matter of factly, “remember when you cheated death? Became an enemy of the legion to befriend some Greeks? Started dating a praetor as a centurion?”

“Shut up,” Hazel scolded, her cheeks darkening. “And actually, you were the one who cheated death. I had nothing to do with that.”

I chuckled. “Fair enough.”

We sat in comfortable silence for a few moments before Hazel nudged me. “Nico,” she said seriously, “I can’t let you keep teaching if you’re seeding disrespect through the legion.”

I sighed. “I’ll stop with the comments,” I said. “But I’m still going to be myself.”

She smiled. “A sure way to have people like you in the first place.”

My cheeks burned with the compliment but I couldn’t find what to say so I just looked down at my palms. We sat there, listening to the whistle of the wind and the gentle buzz of cicadas in the background.

“Reece would have something to say about that,” I commented suddenly, remembering Leo talking about his class a few weeks ago.

“Who?” Hazel asked but I could tell she knew who I meant.

“He’s part of the first cohort, right?” I replied.

She nodded, dark lines appearing under her eyes and I realised that the topic of Reece wasn’t a new worry. “I wouldn’t get worked up about him,” was all she said.

“Trouble in the legion?”

She nodded solemnly. “I guess he’s not as bad as Octavian,” she replied, “but I’m getting minor flashbacks to be honest. Power hungry, wanting to manipulate a crowd, actively going against me and Frank. The only difference with Octavian is that Reece is more openly nasty.”

I shrugged. “In some ways that’s better for you,” I reasoned. “It’s less likely that he’ll create any traction with it.”

“I guess,” she sighed. “It’s just that Frank and I hoped he would’ve retired from the legion by now. He’s very… difficult to manage.”

I thought about that, wondering if there were any solutions. I realised that Hazel would’ve been smart enough to figure one out though, so I ended up saying, “There’s always some part of the job that sucks.”

She nodded. “This is definitely one of the worst,” she admitted. “And I’m sure Frank dislikes it more than I do too. You know? Telling people off, trying to build the authority figure. He’s such a big softy.”

I mimed gagging myself and she pushed me away. “Please,” she scoffed. “I had to put up with much worse when you…”

She trailed off obviously deciding that mentioning Will wasn’t the best idea. Probably realising that we were both now thinking about him anyway, she cleared her throat and asked, “Are things alright with him?”

That was an interesting question. I didn’t even know if I had an answer to give. The recent turn of events hadn’t helped to clarify anything in my boggled brain.

“In what way?” I asked instead of replying.

Hazel’s golden eyes fixed me with a stare that meant she knew I was being evasive. I sighed and decided to tell her everything that had happened in the past few weeks. She listened without showing any emotion, a sign of a good praetor, whilst stroking my hand softly, a sign of a good sister.

“That sounds serious,” she commented when I told her about Diocletian’s sceptre.

“I thought so too at first,” I admitted, remembering with a hint of embarrassment about my march through the city at night to demand answers. “But I’ve thought about it,” I continued, “and… well, Will wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me.”

Hazel tucked a firm curl behind her ear to stop the wind blowing it into her face. “What do you mean?”

I shrugged. “It can’t be serious,” I explained, “because Will wouldn’t hide that from me. He wouldn’t let me get blindsided by something like that, you know? He’d never do anything malicious. I’d even say he’d… help me get through it.”

Hazel hummed in acknowledgment then cautiously said, “You never know though-“

“I do,” I interrupted her. “I know him.”

She obviously had more to say but held back, which was smart because I wasn’t going to let her say anything bad about Will’s character.

“Just because he decided he doesn’t love me anymore,” I whispered, “it doesn’t change the fact that he was… is … the best person I know.”

Hazel still hadn’t said anything, her eyes distant, her thoughts tangibly racing. I kept my gaze on a particular star, tracing the outlines of its spikes, admiring how it blended effortlessly into the darkness surrounding it.

“Maybe that’s the problem,” Hazel finally said.

“What?” I demanded. “That I’m ‘blinded by love’? You’ve said that before and I don’t appreciate it.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’m sorry, Mr. Always Rational With No Emotions Whatsoever.”

I scoffed. “I wish.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Hmph.”

She sat up, looking at me looking into the distance. “I didn’t mean that anyway.”

I didn’t reply, wanting to be done talking about this. When Hazel didn’t continue though, I propped my head up to see what she was looking at. My senses tingled when I saw the hard steel in her eyes and my hand went for my sword as she silently brought her finger to her lips to tell me to be quiet.

The whoosh of the flying rock caught me by surprise which was why it ended up scraping into my cheek.

Chapter Text

“It didn’t get you, did it?” Hazel asked, not taking her eyes off of the threat.

My cheek stung with hot pulses as the blood trickled out. My eye started watering out of reflex, making my vision blurry. “Just missed me,” I lied, not wanting to distract her. “What is it?”

Hazel’s eyes gleamed with ferocity as the battle strategy part of her mind kicked in. “We need to get back to the camp,” she whispered. “We’re outnumbered.”

I squinted into the darkness. Even through my watery eye, I was sure I couldn’t see anything, and my night vision was better than most. “Where are they?” I hissed frustrated.

Hazel swung her legs off the shrine and hopped down. “They’re underground,” she informed me. “Hurry up. Now.”

I did as I was told, shuffling off the shrine and landing on my feet next to her. Instead of following her, I snuck around the back looking for the rock that had scratched me. I found it lying in the grass, a drop of my blood sparkling on its tip.

“Nico!” Hazel whisper shouted. “Hurry up!”

I wanted to tell her that I wasn’t one of her legionnaires who she could just order around. However, my resolve crumbled a bit when I looked in her direction and realised that whatever had attacked was gaining on us. I dropped the rock and followed Hazel, retreating back through the shrines.

“What are they?” I asked her.

“Daemons,” she replied.

I looked worriedly behind us, unable to see anything but the slight shaking of the grass unnaturally.

“How in Hades did they get in?” I wondered aloud, thinking about all the Roman quality lookouts and security measures.

Hazel creeped around the shrine of Jupiter, hoping that being behind it would give us some cover. “The lookouts tonight…” she whispered, then stopped short. “Damn.”

Some part of me knew by the distasteful expression she’d now made twice tonight, but just to confirm: “Reece was one of them, wasn’t he?”

“I don’t know what’s going on with him,” she said as way of replying. “He’s a great solider. There’s no way he wouldn’t have seen the attack.”

“There’s your answer I think,” I shrugged. “If something seems fishy, it’s because it usually is.”

Hazel gave me a look of hopelessness that I remembered seeing on Reyna when she realised what Octavian had been doing to her legion. If I hadn’t been looking at my sister so intently lost in the past a little, I wouldn’t have seen the dark materialisation of a monster come up behind her. It was humanoid with a bald head and an aura of death surrounding its vaguely zombie like form.

“We’ll figure it out later,” I said quickly to Hazel, raising my sword. “Move.”

She darted to the side as I met the daemon with a light but powerful strike diagonally across its path. I only managed to give it an uneven crop top though and since it was wearing decaying clothes anyway it didn’t really change the look much. It seemed to disagree though, taking my blatant disregard for its fashion choices extremely personally. It planted its fists into the dirt like a gorilla and let out a ridiculously loud roar which sounded between a lion and a rat. I covered my face because the saliva flying out of its mouth smelt like it would give me a life limiting illness by just breathing it in.

“That’s not good,” Hazel muttered behind me and a second later I also sensed it: more of them closing in on our location, moving through the ground. We only had a couple moments before I heard the sound of a stampede bursting from the earth.

“Time to go I think,” I said to my sister as I stabbed the original daemon in the neck since it was distracted beckoning its friends.

“We need to get back to the legion,” Hazel cried as she brought her calvary sword around in an arc behind us, relieving a couple of daemons of their legs below the knees. They dropped to the floor but only acted as a temporary solution when more leaped over their fallen comrades and continued chasing us.

My vision was still half blurry from my stinging cheek wound and so I unfortunately didn’t see the uneven terrain the daemons had obviously created across the field. Halfway back to the barracks, I stumbled on a particularly bad part and to save myself landing on my ankle and probably breaking it, I threw myself into a roll instead.

“Nico!” Hazel screamed as I rolled around onto my feet again, facing the wrong way and sticking my sword into the stomach of the first daemon who ran into me. It screeched loudly and before it could turn into dust, I was already swiping at the next one.

I hoped Hazel had gotten away but when a monster fell into me from behind, I was glad she hadn’t abandoned me because I was obviously a bit rusty and hadn’t even heard it sneak up on me. “What now?” Hazel asked, pressing her back into mine to try and stop the daemons surrounding us with the reach of her calvary sword.

Partly scared, partly a little exhilarated, I watched the undead creatures drool blue saliva onto the grass, growling at us and wondering why we weren’t dead yet. I got that look a lot from monsters.

“We try and stay alive I guess,” I replied back, glad that I had Hazel by my side. Thanks to the length of her sword, not many had been able to get close to us but now they were realising that we were greatly outnumbered and were growing in confidence. One lunged at me, bearing its inhumanly sharp teeth. I had to duck to plant my sword up through its groin. That gave me the momentum to stab the next one up right into its face. “You look better that way,” I mumbled as I addressed the next one.

A particularly eager one propelled itself off its neighbour and flew through the air at us. “Down!” I yelled and thankfully Hazel had quick enough reaction times to hit the floor at the same time I did. The daemon just missed the top curl on her head as it landed on the other side of us hissing. Not for long though because then Hazel had it impaled on her sword.

“They keep coming!” she cried with frustration. She was right; there were dozens appearing out of the earth by the shrines. We’d been slowly moving back to the barracks because we both knew that we’d need the help of the legion if we were going to survive much longer, but we were now surrounded and couldn’t move much except to defend ourselves (and even that was becoming a series of close calls).

Just as I was thinking maybe the energy it would require to shadow travel might be worth it right about now, an especially big daemon threw itself at me. I managed to dodge it so its sharp claws didn’t catch my throat, but unfortunately I was moving sluggishly and it dug into my thigh instead.

“Styx!” I screamed as shocks of pain shot down my entire leg. I really tried to maintain my stance but a couple of seconds later, I had fallen onto the grass. I had just enough energy to stab the offending daemon in the neck before I hit the floor but I knew that wouldn’t be enough. Without me holding up my side of our duo, Hazel would soon be attacked too.

I reached for her hand, now definitely stuck on the idea of shadow travelling and doing it quick before another daemon got a lucky hit. But my arm fell through empty air and I realised that she wasn’t by my side anymore. At first I panicked and thought she’d been taken by the monsters but when I looked through the crowd of them, I realised she was still fighting hard. The thought that she’d abandoned me only flitted through my mind for a split second before I caught a flicker of something in the sky: the eagle standard, and I realised that she wasn’t leaving, she was just retreating to her legion.

“Twelfth Legion Fulminata!” Hazel cried, joining Frank at the head of the Romans and starting to give her orders. I was starting to pick up what the Latin phrases meant and I watched in awe as the legion made Hazel and Frank’s orders reality, standing strong and unified with their spears pointing at the daemons.

The group of monsters thankfully left me alone, focusing on the new, bigger threat behind me. They snarled and bared their teeth before charging, slamming into the unrelenting wall of Roman legionnaires, and a large proportion of them got skewered at first impact. I smiled at the strength of the legion and tried to drag myself as far away from the action as possible, attempting to fade into the darkness and hoping a stray daemon wouldn’t see me as an easy, tasty snack.

My heart dropped when I felt something at my shoulder and I instinctively swung my sword across behind me at whatever it was. I grunted when it was met with a clang instead of a thud and I realised I’d been parried with an imperial gold sword.

“It’s a good thing you’re an amazing teacher,” Andrew said, still looking at where our swords had met.

I clutched my heart. “Holy Hades,” I sighed, trying to calm my breathing. “You snuck up on me!”

Andrew sheathed his sword and grabbed my arm, wrapping it around his neck. “Hazel sent me to get you to the medical tent,” he informed me. “Come on.”

I tried to minimise the sounds of pain I made as he hurriedly moved me into a standing position (he was surprisingly strong for a small boy) but I was only partly successful. I couldn’t weight bear on my left leg at all so I had to use Andrew as a crutch as we both hobbled away from the battle.

“I can manage,” I said when we were halfway there. “Don’t you need to help?”

Andrew looked behind us. “I think they’ve got it,” he said.

I followed his gaze and saw that he was right. The last of the daemons were being rounded up and slaughtered and Frank was surrounding the area, leading the legion to any other stray monsters on the field.

“Fair enough,” I replied, secretly glad I still had my crutch. Then, finally voicing something I’d been afraid of since the first hit to my cheek, I asked, “Do you know who’s on duty in the medical tent?”

Andrew looked at me knowingly but didn’t say anything. “I think it’s Will,” he replied.

Well, I hadn’t expected anything less.

Chapter Text

Will’s initial smile of welcome faded almost immediately when his gaze travelled down to my leg. He rushed forward and carefully slung my other arm around his neck, helping Andrew get me onto the nearest bed. I cried out when Will lifted my bad leg up onto it and his brow furrowed in a way that meant he was distressed by my reaction but knew what he was doing was necessary.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as he opened a drawer and started pulling packets of equipment out in a kind of trance. He pointed to my leg. “What was it?”

“Daemon,” I grunted.

“Poisonous?” he asked, pouring antibacterial solution into a kidney dish full of cotton pads.

“I hope not,” I replied.

He turned to me with a stern look on his face but ended up just looking concerned. That probably wasn’t good. How bad did I look?

“I don’t think they were,” Andrew replied more helpfully. “Hazel would’ve mentioned it to the legion.”

Will nodded and asked Andrew, “Can you cut his jeans off?” Then he turned around and I suspected he was only pretending to get more things out of the drawer so he didn’t have to see me getting undressed (which seemed unnecessary since he’d have to see me in a minute anyway).

Andrew did as he was told and I helped him by shuffling out of the tight fabric where I could. “I liked those jeans,” I joked to lighten the mood but nobody laughed.

Will turned around, took another look at my wound, his eyes carefully staying on the specific part of my thigh. Then he gave me an apologetic look and I knew what was coming. “This is going to sting,” he informed me, holding the soaked cotton pad.

“Just get on with it,” I said more bravely than I felt.

He pulled my skin taut and gently swiped it across the wound. My nervous system hissed in protest and I bit my lip to hold in a whimper. “Gods,” I groaned as he continued to clean it, wiping firmly and holding my skin gently.

It got so bad at one point, I yelped and dropped backwards onto the bed, squeezing my hair tight in my hands. “Nico?” Will said softly. “Do you want me to give you a minute?”

I shook my head fast before I changed my mind. “I’m used to pain,” I gritted out.

“That doesn’t mean you need to endure it,” he replied.

“Yeah, well, I’ve been through worse,” I snapped, “thanks to you.”

Oh, apparently being in pain was poking all kinds of holes in my brain to mouth filter.

Will didn’t give a reaction, but a second later, my pain faded into a seven instead of a strong nine. “What have you done?” I demanded.

“What?” he asked. “Did it not help?”

“I don’t need your damn powers,” I told him sternly.

“Okay, but-“

“Just get on with it, Solace!”

“That is what I’m doing,” he replied, irritation starting to creep into his voice. I hadn’t heard him angry in five months and I realised I’d definitely missed it. “If you’d let me work.”

“Oh, is my screaming putting you off?” I asked sarcastically.

“ No ,” he said. “Your inability to let me do what I need to do without complaining is.”

I scoffed. “I’m bleeding out,” I stated. “Shouldn’t you be focusing on that?”

“I know what I’m doing, di Angelo,” he muttered.

“Hurry up and stop wasting time then.”

“Hold still,” Will ordered. “And be quiet, for gods’ sake .”

I hissed again at the antibac, but he didn’t stop this time, I guess just trying to get it over with. “It’s okay,” he said soothingly throughout. “It’s alright. I’m nearly done. It’s going to be fine.”

After what felt like forever, he put the kidney dish down and inspected my leg again. I watched him, his furrowing brows and bitten lip. Then his gaze switched to my face and for a bizarre moment I thought he was going to kiss me. “That one isn’t very deep,” he said instead, referencing my cut cheek. “It’ll heal on its own.”

He placed one hand on the top of my head to anchor me and used his other to softly wipe away and clean my cheek. I did my best not to stare into his eyes, but it was like his soft blue irises were like magnets. He was so gentle, so soft. I could almost forget all the bad.

I snapped out of it though when he placed both of his hands on either side of the wound on my leg and closed his eyes. I quickly shoved him off before he could start to sing. “None of that, Solace,” I snapped.

He opened his eyes and gave me a confused look. “Why did you come in here if you didn’t want to be healed?”

“I do want to be healed,” I said. “But not with your powers.”

He gave me an irritated look. “You’re my patient and I’m your doctor and I’m allowed to decide what treatment you need.”

He tried to get to my leg again but I shoved him off. “Don’t you dare,” I warned. “You can heal me the conventional way or not at all.”

It was strangely satisfying denying him something I knew he wanted to do, even if my leg was burning in protest.

“Um, Nico?” Andrew piped up. I’d half forgotten he was here in the midst of my frustration with Will. “Why don’t you want to be healed?”

“A great question,” Will added. “Please enlighten us.”

I shrugged but inwardly, I knew why. Will using his powers to heal me felt too intimate. We’d made promises to each other in the past about my overexertion and his healing usage. But we’d also made much bigger promises that had ended up broken so the smaller ones seemed a little redundant. Plus, I couldn’t get closer to Will than I already was because it would put too much strain on my already pulled heart.

“It’s my leg,” I stated stubbornly, sounding a bit like a child. “I’ll stitch it up myself if you won’t.” I looked to Andrew. “Could you pass me the sutures please?”

Andrew scratched the back of his head awkwardly, looking between me and a furious Will. “I think I’m actually gonna… yeah,” Andrew mumbled before slipping out of the tent. Smart boy.

“Pass me the sutures, Solace,” I ordered instead.

He gave me an unimpressed look. “Just lie down and relax,” he told me as he started preparing his equipment to sew up the wound.

“Your bedside manner has definitely not improved,” I stated. “You never used to be this grumpy.”

“Watch it,” he warned, “or I’ll give you some general anaesthetic to shut you up.”

I placed my hands behind my head and leaned back, kind of (weirdly) enjoying myself. “Because you need to drug me just to win an argument?”

“More so to just make you tolerable actually,” Will replied as he prepared his syringe of local anaesthetic. “Sharp scratch,” he informed me before stabbing me with it. Then he discarded his needle and started with the sutures. I forced myself not to watch even though I admired his technique and always loved looking at the neatness and perfect patterns he created.

“So to make me tolerable,” I started, the courage rising inside me probably from blood loss and adrenaline, “you either have to drug me unconscious or I guess you’d have to leave altogether, huh?”

Will didn’t react in the way I thought he would. I was expecting him to give me a hurt expression or maybe even say something out of guilt or pity. Instead, his facial features stayed neutral as he continued concentrating on his suturing. “Yep,” he whispered partly sad, partly sarcastic, “you’ve got me all figured out, di Angelo.”

What the Hades did that mean?

“You know,” I replied, irritated, “I wouldn’t have to figure you out if you’d just stop keeping all these secrets.”

Will snipped his thread. “I’m done,” he stated quietly before standing up and starting to clear up. “Would you like something to help you sleep through the night?” he offered, opening another drawer by my bed.

“No, I wouldn’t like your stupid ass drugs,” I snapped. “I’d like you to tell me what you’ve been hiding for five months.”

Will turned around and gave me a serious look. “And I’d like you to not be half dying when we have an important conversation.” He filled a glass of water and left it at my beside with a couple of pills and a square of ambrosia.

“For the pain,” he said. “Goodnight, Nico.”

*

I woke up in the medical tent. It wasn’t dissimilar to the infirmary at Camp Half Blood, as in it had multiple sick beds with curtains hanging from the ceiling for privacy and bays for the healers to mix up drugs and prepare equipment. Although it was only a tent, it was still structurally sound with strong wooden pillars holding it up, joining into a pyramidal point in the centre and thick material keeping the cold out.

I sat up, my head spinning a little, probably from the pain killers I’d taken just before I passed out. Thirstily, I gulped the water at my bedside then rubbed my eyes and checked my leg. Someone (read: Will) had wrapped it in a neat bandage before I’d woken up which led me to believe he did not want to see me after last night.

Thanks to his healing and the ambrosia though, it felt only like an irritating reminder of daemon teeth rather than an excruciating stabbing pain going all the way down my leg. I was able to walk on it again so I dressed in a pair of joggers that had been left for me on the end of my bed and hurried out of the tent.

I really wanted to go and talk to Hazel about the attack and Reece and what the plan was, but I was bloody, sweaty, disgusting and wearing joggers that were way too big for me, so I made the smart decision to go back home to wash up before paying a visit to the praetor’s office.

“Someone got some last night,” Ambri commented as soon as I entered the apartment. “That’s a walk of shame if I ever saw one.”

“Mmm,” Leo agreed, giving me a wink. “And I know whose joggers they are. I had a feeling you guys would work it out after he told you everything.”

I looked down and realised he was right. They were definitely Will’s. I scowled at the nice gesture.

“He hasn’t told me a godsdamn thing!” I snarled. “And we haven’t worked anything out.”

Leo frowned and before he could say anything else, I told them, “He just sewed me back up after I got attacked by a daemon last night.” They both stared at me but I couldn’t be bothered to explain anything else. “I need a shower,” I muttered vaguely before heading to the bathroom.

The first thing I did was tear the joggers off and throw them across the room.

Chapter Text

I’d wanted to discuss the monster attack immediately after I’d showered, but Hazel had left me a message telling me that they were postponing it until tomorrow to leave them time for clean up and recovery.

That meant I actually had to go to my lecture. It was annoying because I wanted to pay attention, but unfortunately, my brain seemed to think replaying any and all memories I had of Will Solace was a better use of my time.

“Girlie?” Ocean whispered halfway through Typal’s speech on generalised anxiety disorder.

Usually, I shushed her until the lecture was over, but today, being distracted by her was starting to seem a lot more preferable than being distracted by someone I hated I was thinking about more and more often.

“Yeah, what?” I asked quietly.

Ocean pushed a piece of paper towards me. I narrowed my eyes at the messy scribble. “You know I have trouble reading English,” I muttered bitterly. “Especially when the handwriting is this bad.”

“Girl,” Ocean replied, “party tonight. Lucy’s place.”

I frowned. “Who?”

Ocean shrugged. “She’s a medic I hooked up with a few months ago.”

“Great…”

Ocean poked my arm with her fluffy pen. “You’re coming.”

I shook my head. My mind space was so not in the party mood right now. “No. thanks.”

“You’re coming,” Ocean repeated.

I gave her an unimpressed look.

“Look,” she sighed. “You need a break from moping around alone in your bedroom all day and night. I’m worried about you, girl. Ambri’s coming as well obviously and your friend Leo can join. Please? It’ll be fun. The change of pace.”

I appreciated her looking out for me. Now that I’d lost the person who always cared the most about my wellbeing, I couldn’t really afford to push away people who were trying to fill that gap. Even though the thought of going out and attempting to have fun made me cringe, I knew the only reason I was resisting was because I felt so sorry for myself. I should be jumping at the opportunity for distractions.

So I nodded. “Fine,” I relented.

Ocean squealed, smiling widely.

*

In the evening, when Ambrosius, Leo, Ocean and I arrived at Lucy the medic’s party, I was immediately overwhelmed with the high energy chaos of the typical young adult good time. That is, young adults who enjoyed a night life that included drunk idiots, poor music and loud whoops coming from people encouraging their friends to do doing stupid things.

Despite it being overwhelming, I was glad for it. The overcompensation dulled my senses and I suddenly decided I wanted to enhance the experience with alcohol. “Where does Lucy keep the drinks?” I asked Ocean.

She put her hand on her hip. “Just because I slept with the girl, I know her kitchen layout?”

I shrugged. “She didn’t offer you a drink when you came over here?”

“She did,” Ocean replied. “I was just making a point. What if we’d fucked somewhere else? What if we hadn’t even made it to the offering drinks part of the exchange? That happens sometimes.”

“Please teach me your ways,” Leo said, smirking.

I rolled my eyes. “Get me alcohol before you do that.”

Ocean gave me an amused look before taking my hand and starting to lead me through the crowd. We thread through the crowd of people dancing (and in some cases, grinding ) with their friends to the kitchen area where there were wooden cupboards overhead the countertops.

“Wine?” Ocean asked. “Vodka? Tequila-?”

“Do I look like an alcohol expert?” I demanded. I hardly ever drank and when I did, I preferred the sweeter types, usually spirits with bright colours and lots of mixer. That was not the vibe tonight though. “Just give me literally anything.”

My friend poured me a glass of brown coloured liquid. “I don’t think they have any salt or limes but- Oh, shit.”

“What is it?” Ambri asked.

Ocean cringed. “Sam’s here.”

“Your project partner?” I asked.

She nodded.

“What’s the problem?” Leo asked. “It’s not like you’re Nico and Will.”

I scowled at him and downed my drink. It was the burniest liquid I’d ever consumed and my head was dizzy immediately afterwards.

“She’s just giving me weird vibes recently,” Ocean said, still peeking at Sam from across the room.

Ambri nudged her playfully. “Maybe she likes you.”

“Oh, she obviously does,” Ocean agreed, and I wondered what it was like to be so damn confident. “She’s ‘straight’ though.”

“So not actually straight?” Leo checked.

Ocean scoffed. “No one is ‘ actually ’ straight,” she said, winking at him.

I rolled my eyes and sipped more fire liquid.

“Whoa, slow down, you alchy,” Ambri joked. “You haven’t eaten much today and you don’t usually drink.”

I shrugged and drank more because I was enjoying the feeling of lightness it was providing. “I’m capable of learning.”

Valdez turned to me and said, “I’m proud of you, Nico, by the way.”

My thought process was seven times less intelligent than what it usually was, so I didn’t understand that at first. “Huh? What?”

He gestured around to the party. “For coming here?”

“Please,” I slurred (whoa, that had happened fast) and pushed his shoulder back (apparently I touched people when I was tipsy). “I can go out and have fun. I’m not a pariah.”

“Oh, I know,” Leo assured happily, giving me an amused look. “But I didn’t mean that. I just meant I’m proud of you for you agreeing to go to a party that Will was coming to.”

I blinked at him, partially unsure I’d heard him right. I’d been hearing Will’s name a lot in my own head, but I was pretty certain Leo had actually just said it aloud.

“What?” I asked weakly.

Leo looked confused. “You do know he’s coming, right?”

“Does it look like he knows?” Ambri asked irritably.

“I…” I stammered. “But… I…” I turned to Ocean. “You didn’t tell me!”

She held her hands up, having the decency of looking mortified. “Girl, I had no idea!” she protested. “You know I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“They are both medical students,” Ambri said, looking annoyed that none of us had considered the possibility.

I growled and finished another drink. “I’m leaving.”

“No!” Ocean whined. “Hey, don’t let him win .”

“Oh, he’s definitely not winning,” Leo muttered, so quietly, I decided to ignore him.

“We can still have fun,” Ambri tried. “I can’t even see him anyway. He’s probably not here yet.”

“Great,” I muttered. “So I’ll have the pleasure of wondering when I’ll lay eyes on the guy I cannot stand to see right now because it feels like my heart’s being torn out of my godsdamn chest whenever I do!”

I hadn’t realised I’d shouted that last part and I silently scolded myself for letting the alcohol cause such a big reaction to slip out. Luckily, the music was so loud, only my friends were paying me any attention.

I scowled to myself and went to pour myself more tequila. My hands fumbled though and Ocean went to help me.

“Maybe he’s had enough already…?” Ambri tried.

But I ignored him.

Ocean shook her head. “Let him forget tonight,” she told him.

“I don’t need to forget anything,” I grumbled. “I’m perfectly capable of dealing with trauma. It’s my forte in fact.”

Leo tutted. “I respectfully disagree, di Angelo.”

“Well, I respectfully tell you to shut the fuck up,” I snapped. “In fact, respectfully, why don’t you go and find Will and tell him all about how screwed up I am? Respectfully , I love knowing you’re blabbing all my vulnerabilities to him.”

Leo actually looked hurt. And spinny. As in, he was spinning. I clutched onto the countertop to stabilise myself.

Valdez chuckled sadly. “You know,” he said, “if I wasn’t so loyal, keeping your secrets and your ‘vulnerable screw ups’ to myself, this might’ve all been solved a long time ago. If you actually took a moment to get your head out of your culo, you’d realise that I could help you get everything you want.”

I scoffed. “And what do I want?”

He gave me a look like nobody needed him to spell that out and I didn’t appreciate it. Especially because I had no idea what I was supposed to want now.

“News flash, Valdez,” I growled. “I have no fucking clue what it’s like to actually want anything that doesn’t involve Will godsdamn Solace.”

Leo smiled sadly like that proved his point. Not that he’d made any points. He was being insufferable. And I’d had enough.

“I need some air,” I mumbled, pouring so much tequila in my glass to go, it spilt all over my hand.

Chapter Text

I stumbled through the doors that led to the balcony of Lucy the medic’s apartment. It was a small walled off area with nothing but a large plant pot off to the side and a view of the apartment complex garden below. Leaning over the railing and breathing in deeply was Will Solace wearing long jean shorts and a cream coloured polo undone at the top so his sun tattoo peaked through.

I half considered turning right back around and rejoining the party, but if I’d attempted that, I might’ve made myself sick with the sudden twisting motion. At least that was the excuse I told myself.

Will had seen me anyway so I couldn’t exactly escape now. So I leaned on the (vast amount of) alcohol in my system to exude more confidence than I felt and stated plainly, “I’m supposed to be avoiding you.”

Will raised his eyebrows. “It looks like you’re doing a really bad job then.”

“Looks like it,” I agreed.

“How’s your leg?” he asked, with none of the heat from last night.

“Good,” I replied shortly, because I didn’t want to talk about that. “Why are you out here?”

He looked surprised I’d asked. Like he was used to me not caring at all about him. At least I was a good actor. He pointed over the balcony. “There’s a squirrel burying a nut down there,” he informed me.

I laughed; I couldn’t help it. My head was fuzzy and my body was light and Will Solace was adorable and hilarious. “That isn’t an answer,” I said, going to stand next to him so I could see what he was pointing at. It looked like the little forest creature was almost done with their task.

“Maybe you asked the wrong question,” Will suggested.

I thought about that. “Why did you come out here?” I corrected.

He shrugged, an easy smile on his lips that wasn’t anything like real happiness. “The squirrel’s better company than the people I came with,” he replied quietly.

I sipped my drink. I wasn’t sure what Will’s social circle situation was, or at least, I hadn’t given it much thought. Last year, when we’d been together, we obviously hadn’t spent much time apart since we were each other’s best friends. When we had, I had Ocean and Ambri and Hazel. And Will had mostly hung out with ex Camp Half Blood campers like Clarisse and Travis Stoll. But being a few years older, they’d graduated last summer and had now moved away. I guess since Will had missed the last month or so of his course last year, he hadn’t made many closer friends.

“There are so many people in there,” I slurred, gesturing to the balcony door to the party. “Go and talk to them. You’re an extrovert for gods’ sake.”

Will gave me an amused look. “But I’m making real progress with this squirrel.”

I grinned, the alcohol telling me it was okay to show that I found him funny. “I can’t believe you’ve replaced me with a rodent,” I replied dramatically. “I didn’t realise it was my inability to chew through acorn shells and burrow into trees that dissatisfied you with our relationship.”

Will burst out laughing, a truly magical sound. Then he continued smiling at me for a second too long. “Unfortunately for the squirrel,” he said, “I wasn’t intending anything romantic with them.”

I shrugged, taking another long sip of tequila before gesturing to the party again and asking bluntly, “What about in there? Anyone you’d intend anything romantic with?”

Will studied me, giving me a scrutinising look. He could probably tell I’d only asked because I was jealous, but I was counting on him not calling me out for it. “How much have you had, Nico?” he asked genuinely.

I scoffed because there was no way he didn’t already know I was totally pissed.

“Avoiding the question because you’re scared?” I challenged.

He decided not to point out I was also avoiding the question. He just shrugged. “It’s not scary,” he replied. “Just very uninteresting I guess.”

I nodded. “Go on,” I encouraged, feeling like I wanted to extract every last detail about his love life as some form of extreme masochism.

“Well,” Will said, keeping his eyes locked on mine carefully like he didn’t want to miss any flicker of emotion I happened to show, “the short answer is ‘no’.”

I tried not to give a reaction. I focused on keeping my jaw untensed and my eyes shrouded.

“How about you?” Will asked, surprising me.

I scoffed. “Are you kidding?”

He looked genuinely confused. “No?”

I rolled my eyes and changed the subject, wanting more information off him instead. “So why no romantic intents?” I asked. “Can’t pluck up the courage or something?”

Will snorted, leaning against the railing. “More like there’s no one to be ‘plucking up’ for,” he replied, though I sensed he wasn’t telling the truth with that. Not that he owed me the truth, but it still annoyed me.

And in my state, I was not in the mood to be taking his bullshit. “As if,” I said harshly. “There are so many attractive people in New Rome.”

Will raised his eyebrows. “Speaking from experience?”

I batted away his attempt to turn the conversation over to me again and said, “Come here.” I grabbed his wrist and pulled him over to the balcony door. It was glass so we could see the huddled bodies of Lucy’s partiers if we squinted our eyes. “Find one person you like the look of and I’ll wingman for you.”

Will sighed. “Nico…” he protested.

“Just do it,” I ordered, not at all considering the consequences of this stupid little act I had somehow concocted with my ex whom I loved desperately.

“I don’t think-“ Will started.

“What about her?” I asked, gesturing to a perky blonde twirling in a sparkly mini dress with her friends. I pushed down the thought of her kissing Will because it made me sick.

I gave Will a demanding look when I noticed he wasn’t even following my gaze. He rolled his eyes and obliged half heartedly. “Light hair isn’t really my type,” he replied. “And can we stop-?”

“What about him?” I interrupted, pointing to a guy who looked a little more sophisticated than his friends who were all holding beer bottles and chanting something. Maybe it was just his glasses though.

“Is he your type?” Will asked.

Definitely not.

I scoffed. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“If we’re finding someone for me,” Will said, “then we have to find someone for you too, right?”

I couldn’t quite place his tone. It was almost bitterness. Mixed with hopeless amusement. It was weird and I decided to ignore it.

“It’s easier for you,” I replied. “You’ve got more options.”

“Why?” he asked genuinely. “Because I’m bi?”

“No,” I said and before I could even attempt to build up my lowered inhibitions, I blurted, “Because you’re beautiful.”

Will raised his eyebrows so high, they brushed into his fluffy hair. I was sure he was blushing and I felt primordially glad about that.

“So are you,” Will said like it was the easiest thing in the world and my stomach flipped embarrassingly.

“Not like you,” I managed.

“Yeah,” Will agreed without hesitation, “you’re beautiful in a much better way.”

I rolled my eyes. “In a less ‘in your face’ kind of way?” I asked sarcastically. “I agree it’s the worst when the person you’re dating is too pretty. I hate that.”

His evil grin made me hot in places that were so damn inconvenient. “You didn’t seem to mind it when we dated,” he whispered playfully.

I was slowly losing my mind, I realised. Flirty Will was making me lose my mind. And I loved it. I was lapping it up shamelessly.

“You aren’t that pretty,” I defended, but who was I trying to kid?

Definitely not Will, especially if his smug smile was anything to go off. “Sorry,” he chuckled unapologetically, “I’m just replaying the thousands of memories when you’ve told me the exact opposite of that.”

I crossed my arms. “Yeah, well, I was dumb and in love, wasn’t I?”

Will shrugged. “It wasn’t just a place of love.”

“Yeah,” I agreed sarcastically. “It was a place of idiocy.”

“I was going to say a place of lust actually,” Will said casually, watching my expression carefully. “ Desire .”

I let out a short, amused breath because wow, he was really calling me out then. “Bold today, are we?” I noted.

He held out his hands. “I could say the same to you.”

“What the hell have I done?”

“Well, for starters,” he said slowly, “you’ve just admitted how desirable you find me.”

I scoffed, sure I was blushing. “I did not admit that.”

“And secondly,” he continued, slowly, “you’ve stopped pretending you’re not staring at my lips.”

His voice had turned into something I recognised. Low and husky and deep in his throat. He used to talk like that when he wanted me in that way. I knew that because my body was starting to react accordingly out of habit.

“You’re freakishly tall,” I stammered, “they’re in my eyeline-“

“Nico, chill,” Will assured, smirking. “I’m messing with you.”

Even though he wasn’t. Well, he was. But he was very obviously doing it on purpose. It was extremely confusing.

“Yeah, well… stop,” I told him. “I like you better when you’re being honest.”

He nodded in agreement. “Okay,” he said confidently. “To answer your question from before then… Nico, you’re not beautiful in a subtle way. You’re so overwhelmingly gorgeous, you practically destroy the sanity of anyone who could even dream of meaning anything to you.”

I swallowed, blinking at him pathetically. For a glorious moment, I was remembering what it was like to be loved by him. To not have a constant, unfillable ache in my chest. To have everything I wanted. I suddenly wished I was sober, so I could feel it without all the alcohol numbing everything. But I had an inkling that if my blood wasn’t currently a large percentage of alcohol, this conversation would’ve never happened.

Was I leaning in? Was Will? His freckles definitely seemed clearer and his eyes… Gods, his eyes… Sparkling and deep and beautiful… I wanted to fall in them, to drown, to disappear in his scent…

We were going to kiss, weren’t we? I could feel the magnetic pull of his lips and I so desperately wanted to give in. I wanted… I wanted…

But what did he want? He didn’t want me. And that thought was enough to break whatever spell the tequila had let Will place on me.

I jerked back suddenly. “What is this?” I demanded angrily. “What are you doing?”

Will looked mortified and also stepped away from me. “I… I’m sorry… I didn’t-“

“Why did you leave, Solace?” I blurted, because this wasn’t making sense. Nothing about this made sense and I needed it to make sense. It was like I couldn’t believe it fully without an actual proper explanation. “Why did you leave? Why did you go? Why did you leave me?”

Will opened his mouth in shock, stammered without saying anything and shut up again.

I rolled my eyes. “I said I like you being honest,” I told him. “Does that extend further than a superficial compliment?”

He nodded. “Yes,” he said immediately. “It does. It will…”

“Really?” I asked unconvinced.

“Yes,” he confirmed. “I…”

He trailed off. And when I gave him an expectant look, he sighed. “Nico, you’re really drunk.”

“You love coming up with excuses!” I cried irritably.

“This is a reasonable excuse,” he insisted. “Are you even going to remember any of this?”

I scowled. “I’m not that drunk.”

Will obviously didn’t believe me (rightfully). “The fact that you were reciprocating my flirting begs to differ,” he replied.

That’s all it was to him. Flirting . Is that what he wanted from me? Something… casual ? As soon as I’d thought it, my entire body heated at the implication and I suddenly decided that I wouldn’t half mind that. Maybe it was exactly what I needed in fact.

It was okay to sleep with your ex, right? Nothing bad would happen. The tequila providing a pool party for my brain cells seemed to think it was an excellent idea anyway.

“Come home with me,” I blurted.

Will blinked at me for a second then actually burst out laughing. “Okay, now I definitely know you’re drunk,” he decided weakly.

“I’m being serious,” I insisted, more and more confident that I wanted this.

“I believe you,” he said, but he looked unsure. “I’m not coming home with you though.”

“Why not?” I demanded. “You still think I’m ‘beautiful’. We both know it’d be… good . And I’m telling you there’s no strings.”

Will shook his head. “No, Nico.”

I raised my eyebrows in challenge. “Lost confidence in your… abilities ?”

That made him grin. “No,” he replied.

The way he’d said that made me ask, “Have you been practicing with other people?”

He snorted. “No.”

I hummed, wondering whether that was the truth. “Come with me then,” I said anyway. “It’s not like I need you to whisper sweet nothings during. Or after. I’ll probably pass the fuck out after in fact.”

“Tempting,” Will replied, sounding only half sarcastic, “but again, no, thank you.”

I shrugged, somehow not even feeling embarrassed. I felt kind of… powerful? “Suit yourself,” I said. “I wonder if anyone at the party will oblige me…”

“Don’t do that,” Will said, his voice stern.

I raised my eyebrows, impressed that he thought it was any of his business.

“I…” he hurried to explain, “because anyone who’s willing to do that with you when you’re in this state isn’t someone you want to be doing it with.”

I shrugged. “Or,” I said casually, “maybe that’s exactly what I need and you don’t get to tell me otherwise.”

Will looked furious. I didn’t know why. I was trying to do what he apparently wanted. He was being impossible.

“Tell me I’ve got another option,” I challenged.

Will scoffed irritably. “There’s always another option.”

“Yeah,” I exclaimed, “you could tell me the fucking truth!”

He looked at me stubbornly, a hand on his hip. Well, if he wasn’t going to talk or do literally anything I asked…

“I’m going to talk to… whatshisname,” I decided because apparently when I mentioned him, Will got annoyed. “Glasses guy.”

“Let me take you home,” Will offered.

I must’ve looked at him a certain way because he quickly said, “Nothing like that. I just… want to make sure you’re okay.”

I scoffed. “Well, thank you so much for your concern,” I said sarcastically. “Unfortunately, I don’t want it right now. I want glasses guy. So I’m gonna go do him. Excuse me.”

“Nico, please don’t do that,” Will said in a voice that told me he was trying hard to hide his urgency. “Just… stay here for a bit. I’m asking nicely.”

I paused for a moment, wondering what good could possibly come from me staying with him. When I came up (predictably) short, I shrugged. “I don’t want nice,” I said.

Will sighed and put his hand more confidentially on his hip. “Then I’m asking firmly,” he said. “Stay here.”

But I’d already opened the balcony door. “Bye, Solace.”

Chapter Text

Leo cornered me when I emerged from my bedroom in the morning. “Where did you go last night?” he asked, almost urgently.

I gave him a weird look, pressing my hand to my temple because I had a splitting headache. “What?” I croaked.

“Will came to find us,” Ambrosius explained. “He said he was worried you were…”

“Going to do something stupid,” Leo supplied. “Or more like, someone .”

I rolled my eyes, memories from last night making me feel a bit numb. I was sure I was supposed to be feeling embarrassed, but I couldn’t quite manage it. It was difficult to feel bad about a situation after already hitting rock bottom. I’d done this before obviously, all throughout my early teens, self sabotaging so that the next screw up would distract from the last horrible thing. I didn’t care in the slightest that it had most definitely not worked.

“We tried to find you,” Ambri said as I gulped a couple paracetamols, “because we agreed it would’ve been stupid of you, even if I made sure Solace knew it was none of his business.”

“Thank you,” I said, glad that at least he’d set Will straight.

“So?” Leo prompted. “Did you?”

I snorted. “What do you think?”

“Well, that’s a relief,” he replied.

“Yeah? Why’s that?” I asked irritably.

“It wouldn’t have been good, Nico,” Ambri said.

Of course I knew that. Or I would’ve done it, especially after being as drunk as I was last night. Thinking about doing something intimate with someone else made me feel extremely icky. Thinking about doing something romantic was worse . I tried to ignore the part of me that was terrified of what that implied (that I’d somehow have to cope with being alone forever) and gulped down more water.

“I need to go and find Hazel and Frank,” I stated.

My friends nodded, seeming to be satisfied knowing I didn’t do anything (anyone) ‘stupid’.

“Do you want to come?” I asked Leo.

He shook his head.

I sighed, also remembering what I’d said to him last night. “Look…” I started uncomfortably. “I know I can get… blunt-“

He snorted.

“- but the truth is, I’m not actually mad at you. I’m just mad at myself. And Will. I’m sorry I blamed you for being in the middle. It’s not your fault. I’m sure Will doesn’t fly off the handle like that, so I’ll try and… restrain myself in future.”

Leo looked perfectly happy with that apology. “No worries, bro,” he assured. “It’s all good. I know you love me.”

I didn’t reply because I guess it was true.

“But for the record,” he said, “Will’s a lot worse than you are.”

I blinked at him, not believing that for a second. I was sure he was just humouring me to make me feel better and I wasn’t even going to entertain it. “Are you going to come to the camp meeting or not?”

Leo shrugged. “I have to pack. Lavinia told me she’d give me a ride to the train station tomorrow morning.”

I nodded feeling a bit sad that he was leaving already but I always knew it was going to be temporary. He had been a small bit of Camp Half Blood in my new life and I knew I was going to miss him. Despite the feeling that he was on ‘Will’s side’, I knew he wasn’t.

“I’ve got an on call shift,” Ambri told me, “but I should be done for our dinner plans with Ocean so I’ll see you later?”

I nodded, grabbing my keys. “Have fun sticking your finger in animal butts.”

“Have fun discussing monster attacks and treason,” he replied as I headed out.

*

There were a few people sat around the large table in the praetor’s office. Hazel and Frank sat at the head in front of the royal purple curtain that sparkled with electricity from their eagle. The two centurions from each cohort sat down each side, Lavinia giving me a flirty wave. I also recognised Reece sitting with his fellow first cohort centurion. I hadn’t paid him much attention before but now that I knew what he might be capable of, I took a quick look at him and I noticed that he looked a bit like the nasty kid in the first Toy Story movie.

A few other people I didn’t know were sat along the bottom opposite the praetors and multiple ghosts floated around, some of them even flitting in and out of the room. There was a spare seat to Hazel’s left so that’s where I headed.

“Sorry I’m late,” I muttered, trying to be as quick as I could.

“Don’t be silly,” Hazel told me. “You were a hero the other night. How’s your leg?”

My cheeks burned at her use of the word ‘hero’, especially since I’d been kind of dead weight, and I didn’t particularly like everyone else staring at me either so I quickly said, “Yeah, fine thanks.”

“We were just discussing the damage done,” Lavinia supplied, popping a bubblegum bubble in her mouth.

I raised my eyebrows in alarm. “Damage?”

“She’s being misleading on purpose,” Hazel chastised. “Apart from you, there weren’t any major injuries that warranted stay in the medical quarters.”

“Thanks for rubbing it in,” I half joked under my breath.

“And the only damage they did was dig up our field,” Frank finished. “Which we’ve already given to the first cohort to fix up. They’re finishing it as we speak.”

Romans, always so practical. I’d have probably procrastinated the gardening duty at least a few weeks, getting steadily more irritated everyday walking over the uneven grass until I finally gave up and sorted it out. “That’s great,” I supplied since everybody clearly wanted me to respond with something positive.

“So the next matter at hand,” Hazel started cautiously. “How they were able to get in without raising some sort of alarm.”

She let the question settle amongst us, the silence spreading like dust until Lavinia burst another bubblegum bubble and made most of the room jump and one of the lares disappear in a cloud of purple smoke.

“Well, who was on watch?” Lavinia asked. “It must have been some probatios who don’t really know what they’re doing. We can’t blame them.”

Reece grit his teeth from across the table and I could tell even then he was trying to control his anger. “You know very well I was on watch, Lavinia,” he said in his gravelly voice.

Lavinia looked unconcerned. “I can’t recall,” she lied. “But oof, that’s embarrassing for you then. How many years have you been here? Like twenty?”

“Eight,” Reece growled dangerously. I’d already had preconceptions about him but his behaviour from a single exchange had definitely confirmed it. I didn’t trust people who got angry so easily. It didn’t really scream emotional maturity.

“That’s enough, Lavinia,” Frank said. “I’m sure Reece has a good enough explanation.”

We all looked at Reece expectantly, which did nothing to calm his threatening aura. “As I’ve already told our charming praetors,” he started sarcastically, “I apologise profusely for my obvious mistake, but I really can’t take full responsibility.”

Lavinia scoffed and Hazel cleared her throat to try and keep Reece’s attention. “Go on.”

“Alexandria was asking me questions about the legion,” Reece continued. “So I was caught up in retelling our history when the attack happened. Not to mention, my eyesight isn’t the best. I’m a legacy of Vulcan after all. So I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. But when that first daemon let out its battle cry, I sounded the alarm immediately.”

“I seem to recall Alex being the one coming to find me,” Frank replied.

“And you know there’s a time and place for history lessons,” Hazel chided.

Reece smiled coldly. “Of course, Praetor Levesque.”

I saw Hazel tightening her fist under the table at his obvious insincerity. “Your actions could have caused serious harm to this city,” she said, forever in a controlled voice. “And Pluto’s ambassador did get seriously hurt during his attempt to protect me and the camp.”

I wished she’d stop bringing that up, but I didn’t dare interrupt her during her speech.

“And so,” she continued, “disciplinary actions will be put in place, to discourage this behaviour in the future.”

Reece’s eyes flashed dangerously, but he was smart enough to hold his tongue for now.

“You’ve been put in charge of amour and weapon cleaning duty for the foreseeable future,” Frank informed him. “And to give you enough time for your new responsibilities, we’ve decided to temporarily relieve you of your centurion rank until further notice.”

Reece really did lose it then. He banged his fist on the table, scraped his chair back as he stood up and bared his teeth at the praetors. “That’s ridiculous,” he snarled. “You can’t take my centurion badge away. I’ve earned that during more years you two have served combined!”

“Sit down, Reece,” Hazel said calmly. “You’re welcome to dispute our decision formally in the justice building but I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do about it right now.”

“I hope you have the time to think about the severity of your actions,” Frank added.

“Because it looks like you need it,” Lavinia whispered loud enough for everyone to hear.

“That’s enough, Lavinia,” Frank told her. “And Reece, you’re excused.”

He gave one last murderous look at Hazel and Frank and I was probably imagining it, but a small scowling smile to me, before he took his leave.

The praetors looked like they’d aged about a year during that conversation so naturally we all gave them a minute of silence to recollect their thoughts. I wondered what Reece’s intentions were because I wasn’t stupid to think he didn’t have a higher motive. I also wondered what problem he had with me or if I was just imagining a situation when in reality, nothing was wrong.

“Right,” Frank announced, apparently recovered from the Reece incident, “before we discuss the underlying issue of the daemons, there’s a small matter that Hazel and I have agreed to implement regarding the recent turn of events.”

“Since the attack,” Hazel continued, “we’ve had a few of our neighbours paying us a visit this morning reporting of similar incidents.” She smiled across the table to the three people I hadn’t paid much attention to until now. Well, two dryads and one girl. “Welcome, Chamise, Polypody and Jaz.”

I did a double take and realised that it was Will’s Jaz. Jaz, the Egyptian healer. Jaz the girl Will left me for to help run their medical practice. I hadn’t recognised her at first because I hadn’t seen her in about a year and she’d cut her hair and styled it differently, but it was definitely her.

I tried to calm down since no one else really seemed to be affected by this at all (obviously), and I was so over making embarrassing scenes in public.

“Thank you, Praetor Levesque,” Jaz smiled warmly across the table. I tried to catch her eye, since I was sure I was one of the only people she knew at this table, but she seemed intent on talking to the praetors.

“It is our duty,” Frank said, “to not only protect our camp and our city, but also to provide aid to anyone in the local vicinity who may require it.”

“Our three neighbours have unfortunately reported similar daemon attacks the other night,” Hazel continued, “and have sustained much worse damages that could’ve been prevented if we’d have known to send them aid.”

Something wasn’t making sense to me, but with everything else going on, I couldn’t put my finger on it yet so I kept quiet and let them speak.

“And so we’ve decided to implement a new communication system,” Frank announced. “We’ll use both Greek and Roman techniques and ask our friends to help us create it.”

“That’s a great idea,” Larry, a second cohort centurion chipped in.

“Yes,” Leila (fourth cohort) added, “I’m sorry about the daemons,” she said to the dryads and Jaz. “We will try to help you in the future where we can.”

The dryads bowed in appreciation. “Thank you, humble Romans. In return, we will keep your landscape well populated with beautiful plants!”

Lavinia nodded. “Plants are beautiful,” she mumbled to herself.

“And I can help stock your camp with the best, up to date medical equipment,” Jaz offered.

Why did that not sit well with me either? I tried to wrap my head around it, but there were so many different issues bubbling around up there, it was hard to concentrate.

“I’ll need it,” Hank (third cohort) replied gratefully. “I keep managing to get my fingers decapitated in the war games.”

“Hey, that’s not my fault!” Lavinia said quickly.

Hank looked at her in surprise. “I never said it was?”

“Good!”

“Well, thank you,” Hazel said, “to our new formal allies and thank you to our centurions, lares and ambassador of Pluto.”

“Let’s resume normal activities then,” Frank added. “Dismissed.”

The centurions filed out of the Praetorium uniformly and the dryads followed.

“Are you sure you’re alright, Nico?” Hazel asked, hanging back for a second.

I nodded. “My leg’s fine,” I said because that wasn’t what the problem was.

“I’ll have to speak to you later,” she promised. “Duty calls.”

I waved as she followed Frank out before realising that Jaz and I were left alone in the room. I cleared my throat awkwardly, knowing I wanted to ask her something but not really able to form the words at the moment.

“Nico?” she asked, breaking the silence.

“Hmm?” I acknowledged. Pathetic.

“I was hoping to grab something to eat before I left,” she said. “But I don’t really know my way around here.”

I nodded, glad she’d made the first move. “I’m meeting some friends for dinner,” I told her. “Do you want to join?”

Chapter Text

It was a bit early for dinner but I hadn’t eaten all day and Ocean, Ambrosius and I liked to eat out before the crowds of New Rome descended on every restaurant in the city.

“It’s so beautiful here,” Jaz commented as we walked along the Via Praetoria and into the bustling, sun soaked streets of New Rome.

“Well they had to make it nice,” I replied, “or no one would want to live here and they’d all get killed by monsters out in the big bad world.”

Jaz chuckled. “It’s big and bad alright. Is this the place?”

I nodded and opened the green lined door for her. It was a small Mexican restaurant I’d eaten in countless times called Huevos despite there being no huevos on the actual menu.

“Nico!” I heard Ocean’s voice rise above the funky violin solo on the overhead speakers. “Over here!”

She and Ambri were seated on either side of a booth in the corner. I headed over there, avoiding three waiters on my way because of the tight spaces.

“Hey guys,” I greeted. “This is Jaz. She’s an old friend, do you mind if she joins?”

“The more the merrier!” Ocean replied as I knew she would.

“Hi, Jaz, I’m Ambri,” Ambri said as I let her scoot in next to him. “And this is Ocean. How are you?”

“I’m excited for huevos,” she exclaimed as I slid into the booth next to Ocean. “That’s for sure.”

“You’ll be disappointed then,” Ocean told her. “Since they don’t serve that here.”

She looked at the name of the restaurant and gave us an inquisitive look.

“It’s one of the reasons we love coming here,” Ambri explained. “It’s so stupid, it’s great to make fun of. But the food is actually pretty good.”

“Unless you want huevos,” I muttered.

“So,” Ambri said to Jaz, “What unfortunate circumstances led you to know this grumpy bugger?”

I rolled my eyes. “These are my friends by the way,” I informed Jaz. “Just in case it wasn’t clear based on Ambri’s… charm.”

She smiled. “I’m sure he loves you really,” she told me.

“Please don’t give him any ideas,” Ambri said. “I’ve already had to reject him six times.”

“Ugh shut up,” I groaned. “I need a milkshake.”

Ocean squeezed me. “Rough day, Nico?”

“No actually,” I replied sarcastically after we’d ordered our drinks. “I like getting mauled by daemons, targeted by a probable psychopath and having continuous mixed messages from my ex-boyfriend.”

Obviously all three of them got immediately caught up on the least important of the three: “Who’s the psychopath?” demanded Ambri.

“Who do we need to beat up?” asked Ocean.

“If Nico’s talking about Reece,” Jaz supplied, “I don’t think you’d be able to take him.”

Ocean gasped in outrage and flexed her biceps. “I’ll give you a chance to change your answer now.”

“Umm,” Jaz laughed.

Ocean kissed her muscles before asking, “Who’s Reece?”

I briefly explained what had happened in Leo’s class, then with him being on watch last night, and finally the meeting this afternoon.

“What’s him being demoted got to do with you?” Ambri asked.

I shrugged, struggling to find the words.

“I got a feeling he didn’t like you too,” Jaz added. “I’d only just met him but he seemed to be looking over to you during that meeting a lot despite you saying very little.”

“Exactly!” I agreed, glad someone else had noticed. “I even got the feeling that… I don’t know… he blamed me for what happened.”

Ocean tutted. “And you’re basing this off what? That he looked at you? Maybe he just fancies you. Sure, he’d have a weird type but it’s not impossible.”

I snorted. “Thanks for the confidence boost.”

“Ocean’s right I think,” Ambri said. “From my time in the legion, I always knew he was a bit of a whacko, but he never seemed to have any specific enemies. Just… victims I guess.”

Jaz hummed. “We’re probably just being paranoid, Nico,” she said. “I can’t blame us really.”

I shrugged. “Well, even if he had a problem, I’m done hiding from bullies.”

“I mean,” Ocean said, “you’re quite small so hiding is probably good for your survival.”

“Thanks,” I rolled my eyes.

“That isn’t an insult,” Ambri assured. “Small is cute.”

I groaned. “My size is irrelevant.”

Ocean hummed. “It’s a little bit relevant. What if he tries to jump you?”

I snorted. “Jump me? What? In New Rome? In my university lecture? Out in the streets? Okay, Ocean.”

“He’s right,” Jaz said seriously and I raised an eyebrow up at her. “He’s probably hiding out in the bins behind the restaurant right this second.”

Ambri laughed. “In his natural habitat then.”

“Exactly,” Ocean agreed looking at me. “You’d be done for, little buddy.”

I took a sip of my milkshake. “Yeah, we’ll see about that.”

If there was one thing I was confident about, it was my natural fighting ability. Sure, I’d been a bit rusty with the daemons, what with the safety of New Rome giving me a break from monster fighting for a good year, but I’d still managed to hold off an entire pack of them with Hazel for a considerable amount of time.

We ordered our food with the waiter who knew us by name at this point and told him for the hundredth time that no, we wouldn’t like any starters.

“How’s the business going, Jaz?” I asked, then to Ocean and Ambri, I explained, “Jaz and Will set up a pro bono medical practice a couple of years ago.”

Ocean whistled appreciatively. “Wow, that’s amazing.”

Jaz smiled. “That’s the goal,” she agreed. “It’s hit a few rough patches to be honest. It’s very difficult at the moment because we don’t have enough people or resources for the demand.”

Ambri nodded. “What kind of things do you do?”

Jaz fiddled with her hands. “Mainly we approach people who can’t afford their medical bills,” she explained. “And we try and offer them alternatives. There are obviously a lot of demigods, legacies and magicians who stop by too, most of them in dire need of help and guidance to their respective safe havens.”

I nodded. “Will told me about a Greek girl you helped. Morana, was it?”

“Mmm,” Jaz agreed. “She was adorable. So scared. I’m glad Will escorted her to camp. She might not have made it otherwise.”

“Yeah, he’s a real hero,” Ambri commented which had just a little bit of bitterness in the undertones.

I gave him a look but no one else seemed to notice it and the conversation had already moved on.

“How’s Will doing anyway?” Jaz asked. “I’m sorry to hear you broke up.”

I shrugged. “People break up all the time.”

She puffed out her cheeks. “Yeah, but I never thought you two would ever come close to something like that.”

Ocean glanced at me protectively, sensing that I didn’t really want to talk about Will. But I shook her off because I was actually interested in what Jaz’s perspective was.

“Did he ever speak to you about it?” I asked her.

She shook her head. “The news definitely took me by surprise.”

That confused me. I’d assumed the strain on their business had definitely given her a clue. “But surely you knew why he did it?” I asked.

She gave me a confused look. “What are you talking about?”

This was starting to annoy me now. “The Tennessee commute was too long for him and he had his priorities,” I clarified.

“Um, yeah,” Jaz agreed. “You.”

I scoffed, completely flabbergasted. “Well, clearly not.”

Jaz narrowed her eyes. “Well, that’s why we moved to California.”

It felt like my heart stopped. “You… You moved to California?”

“Yes?” Jaz replied, looking equally confused. “I started studying medicine at the university last month. Do you think the daemons that attacked us both travelled cross country?”

Now I understood why I’d been so weirded out in the meeting earlier today when Hazel had called her a ‘neighbour’. I’d always assumed Jaz still lived in Tennessee. I hadn’t even clocked the fact that she’d obviously moved recently.

Wait. Was it recently?

“When was this?” I demanded, holding my breath until I got the answer.

“About five months ago now.”

My heart stopped. “Five months?” I whispered, completely drained of energy. Will had been here all this time and he hadn’t come to see me. In fact, he’d lied to me and used false information to break my heart.

“Yes, Nico,” Jaz said slowly. “Didn’t Will tell you any of this?”

“He clearly didn’t,” Ocean snapped at her defensively. “Look at his face.”

She held up her hands. “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I’m just a bit confused. First, I find out that Will broke up with you and next, I find out he didn’t tell you that we’d moved.”

Hang on.

“What do you mean you just found out?” I asked.

Jaz pointed to me. “Earlier, when you mentioned your ‘ex-boyfriend’.”

I furrowed my brows. “You didn’t know we were broken up before this conversation?”

She gave me an exasperated look. “How could I?”

“Will must have told you!” I exclaimed. Because he must have. There was no way that he couldn’t have mentioned our breakup in the time he’d been away. There was no way he could’ve hidden it.

Unless …

“Nico,” Jaz said cautiously, “I haven’t seen Will since I moved here. I haven’t seen him in five months.”

Chapter Text

I ignored my friends calling my name, I ignored Jaz’s plea for me to talk it out with them, I ignored the waiter asking me if the food wasn’t to my liking. I felt like my head had flown off into the distance and I was now playing catch up with it, struggling to comprehend everything that one single sentence had implied.

I’d hardly began to fit the first pieces of a thousand piece puzzle together when I’d already reached Will’s house. I thought about Annabeth the other day, but our conversation didn’t deter me. I could maybe accept an old letter that I knew hadn’t been important, but this ? The full weight of the revelation settled onto my shoulders and I put all of that energy into an aggressive knock on the door.

Thankfully Ash or Annabeth didn’t answer it, which meant I didn’t have to talk my way past them, but it also meant that I came face to face with Will. I could see the happiness in his eyes when he saw me, albeit masked a tad with curiosity and surprise. But I knew this man and I knew how to read his emotions.

“That!” I exclaimed so loudly that Will jumped. “What is that?”

Will looked down at his lilac tee as if he’d assumed I was pointing out a food spillage or something. Well, I hadn’t been very specific, but to be fair to me, my head was still somewhere floating over a nearby highway.

“You’re happy,” I clarified, my tone snappy and impatient. “Why are you happy to see me?”

Will opened his mouth, clearly a bit taken aback, but I didn’t let him speak yet.

“Usually, when people see their ex,” I said, “especially one they’d come up with elaborate lies for just to break up with them, usually they wouldn’t be happy about that. In fact they’d actively avoid it. So why are you starting conversations, making me laugh, buying me milkshakes, leaving me confusing clues? Why are you happy to see me ?”

Will looked confused. “Elaborate lies?”

I walked over the threshold without invitation and jabbed a finger into his chest. He took a few steps back but didn’t show any surprise further than that. “Don’t try and play dumb with me, Solace,” I snapped. “I know you. I know when you’re lying.”

He held his hands up. “Okay, Nico,” he said. “Can we just calm down?”

“Don’t you dare start with that!” I shouted. “I swear to gods, Solace, I’m not in the mood for your yappy, calming bullshit!”

I could feel my anger in my facial creases, my heart beating with too many powerful emotions for it to contain.

“Why are you happy?” I demanded again. Then a bit quieter, “Am I wrong?” That would be really embarrassing. The only thing that had given me the courage to say it in the first place was the fact that I was pretty certain.

Will opened his mouth but before he could speak, a voice from upstairs called, “Will? Are you okay? I heard shouting.”

“Yeah,” Will called back. “It’s all good. Thanks, Annabeth.” Then to me, “If you stop threatening me with your finger, we can go up to my room and talk?”

I dropped my arm and muttered, “I’d only need a finger to finish you off, Solace.”

He snorted. “I don’t doubt it. Come on.” He led me up the stairs which were narrow and rickety and down a carpeted hallway to his bedroom. “Make yourself at home,” he told me.

I looked at his bed which was perched against the wall and sporting pink sheets, with a bunch of laundry and a collection of papers on top. He had a couple of shelves above his desk which was in the opposite corner with a few books I recognised. He also had a Camp Half Blood tee pinned to the wall along with a beautiful sketch of Butterscotch, our late Pegasus friend.

I took the desk chair not really wanting to look at the shirt or the picture, and Will went to perch on the edge of his bed after closing his door carefully.

“So,” Will started, which I hadn’t been expecting, “you read the paper I left in the book I gave you?”

“No, I did not!” I cried, getting angry again. “Do you think that little of me? Do you think I’d purposely go through your things?” I scoffed and added, “More like you were counting on it, huh?”

Will finally had the decency to look ashamed so at least I’d gotten one thing right and I wasn’t as crazy as I’d thought. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly, looking at his hands. “I didn’t know what to do or how to do it. You don’t understand how hard it’s been.”

I wasn’t in the mood to show any empathy. “Well, how could I possibly? I don’t know if you realise this, Solace, but you’ve made it impossible for me to understand.”

He nodded. “I know,” he confirmed. “That was my goal.”

He was being so frustrating. “Your goal was to confuse me and fuck around with my feelings?” I demanded. “Well, I’m done with it! I don’t know what you thought you were doing but I am sick and tired of you treating me like shit.”

Will hung his head lower, unable to meet the ferocity in my eyes.

I laughed with pure sarcasm. “And now you have nothing to say. Well, if you can’t explain that, answer this: where have you been for the past few months?”

He looked at me then and I saw he had tears in his eyes. I knew it took a lot for him to cry but he hadn’t given me any reason to believe his distress so I didn’t comment on it. “Look, with Jaz-”

“And don’t lie!” I snapped. “It doesn’t suit you.”

“I… well…” he stuttered, “the practice was really busy-“

“Not that you would know,” I interrupted. “Since Jaz hasn’t heard from you for five months.”

His mouth gaped open. “How do you-“

“Will!” I screamed. “That isn’t the important part! Where. Have. You. Been?”

“Please don’t shout at me, Nico,” he said calmly, his voice hard but his eyes spilling over with emotion. “I’m trying-“

“Don’t tell me what to do,” I countered. “After what you’ve put me through.”

He didn’t reply, just stared at me, probably shocked we were even having this conversation. So was I. And I was getting tired of it already. I’d given him multiple chances to tell me the truth and he’d done nothing but dodge it from the moment he came back to New Rome. I suddenly realised that I didn’t have any right to barge into his home and demand he tell me what he’d been up to (even if I had a suspicion it had something to do with me). He wasn’t my fiancé, or even my boyfriend and frankly, he didn’t owe me anything.

I sighed and tried to soften my expression and tone. “Okay,” I said quietly. “That’s fine. I don’t need to know. And I don’t need to be interlinked in your life anymore, as I’m sure you’ll agree. I’ll speak to Professor Typal in the morning and ask if we can switch partners.” I stood up and walked over to the door. Before I left, I looked at Will who had a kind of panicked expression on his face. “I’m sorry,” I said. “For… everything.”

“No, stop!” Will said, bounding up and standing in the doorway. “You can’t ask to change partners.”

Out of all the things I’d said, that was what he was fixating on? I scoffed. “If you’re worried about your grade after switching this late in the game-“

“That isn’t even close to the top things on my list of priorities right now,” Will assured firmly. “And I am so sorry you think that little of me.”

I looked at him stubbornly. “Okay, well, I don’t care what you think your priorities are,” I replied, “but I’m sure they’ll all be easier to accomplish without worrying about seeing me every other day.”

Will frowned, still not budging from the doorway. “I can assure you,” he said, his words careful and stern, “that is unequivocally untrue.”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, it’ll help me then at least,” I said. “The last thing I want is Typal to mark us down because of the obvious tension between us-“

“I asked Typal to pair us together,” Will blurted.

I blinked at him, not really believing my ears, not believing his words. “What…?” I choked out.

He nodded, looking determined and fiery. “Yeah,” he confirmed. “It wasn’t a coincidence. I asked him to pair us together.”

I shook my head, letting out a sound that was kind of like a chuckle but also so far from it, it was actually funny. Will was studying me, waiting for my reaction. What exactly did he want from me? What could he possibly want from the guy he broke up with?

I sighed. “Why are you making this so hard for me?” I groaned. “Can’t you just let me go now?”

Will shook his head. “I don’t want that,” he said quickly. “I can’t let you go.”

I gave him a frustrated look. “I’m sorry, I can’t be friends with you, Solace. And I think you know why.”

“I don’t want that either,” he told me. “I… I want…”

I hated being left on edge. My nerves were frayed to their limits with suspense and I couldn’t take anymore. “What?” I whispered.

He still had that panicked expression as if he were afraid of saying the wrong thing. “I want to tell you everything,” he finally said.

I raised an eyebrow. “Don’t go and do your stupid selfless thing where you do something I want at the expense of-“

“I’m not,” he interrupted. “I want to tell you. If you’ll let me. Please.”

I shook my head. “If you really wanted to tell me,” I said dryly, “you would have already.”

Will looked genuinely pained. “I have been trying ,” he exclaimed, seeming a little manic. “I have been working on plucking up the courage for ages . There was always something that got in the way. First, your new fake boyfriend, then the daemon attack and then Leo talking in fucking riddles all the damn time and I guess I had my PSTD draining my energy and most importantly, the fact that you obviously hate me so deeply, I was sure an explanation wouldn’t make a dent and that’s what I deserved anyway. But I’ll be honest, none of that even mattered. Because I could have told you so many times and the truth is, it all boils down to the real reason which is nothing more than me being an absolute coward. Because yeah, Nico, I was scared ! I’ve been fucking terrified to tell you okay? But now it’s happening and I’ve got nowhere to hide and I need to tell you everything because if I wait one more damn day, I’m going to lose my godsdamn mind !”