Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

    It's a surprisingly warm summer day for Maple Valley, -Hell, more than warm. A thermometer reading 86 may herald beautiful weather for anyone East of the Cascades. But June was melting into her lawn chair. Feet in the plastic blue wading pool she begged Dad for and a hidden water balloon in her arms. Of course he was off at work, parents don't get summer break like kids do. But June had schemes and knew Jade would be stopping by pretty soon to escape the heat. She only had to be patient and wait for the perfect moment. Any second now... wait for it.....Bullseye!!!

June: Ouch, Right in the face! 

Jade: Juuune!

June: Haha! Prankster's Gambit strikes again! 

Jade: Well. I don't feel bad about this then!

    Super soakers, water balloons, the age-old war of the summer commenced once more with all of its Geneva Suggestion violations. The two lay there when Jade secured her victory. Covered in lawn clippings and giggling while clouds lazily rolled over the azure sky above. June felt so untethered to reality in that moment, like she could just disappear into mist looking at the expanse so far away.

    But then Jade hugged her, and she felt as though she fell for miles back into her own body in a second. Frankly, the whole experience made her feel sick. So she turned away from the sky and sipped from the hose. Resisting the urge to put a well placed thumb over the end to mess with Jade. She set up the sprinkler instead. Dad wasn't there to chastise her on being a proper lady and damn it, hose water was made for drinking and playing!

Jade: Did you hear Dave and Rose are moving back?

June: Really? No fucking way. We haven't seen them since we were five. Rose never mentioned it over Pesterchum. She tries to set a time to communicate every couple of weeks to ensure we don't lose touch you know.

Jade: Yeah she does it with me too, I don't know what happened. She let it slip that her "Moody older cousin with the abstruse hobbies" was coming with them on their move. I guess something happened in Texas and Dave is with her family.

June: Well, I missed them. She probably forgot to mention it. Moving cross-country twice in nine years is stressful! 

Jade: I guess. Hey. Wanna eat Otter-Pops and watch SpongeBob?

June: Jade, we're almost 14. We are actively lying under a running sprinkler like children. Talking about our friendship with people from 9 years ago. Of course, I want to go eat an Otter-Pop and watch SpongeBob. But don't get the couch wet this time. Dad will lock us out like Bec. You know he's anal about the white furniture.

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Elsewhere
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    A door opens to a quiet office, and the entrant's tattered backpack is tossed unceremoniously to the floor. Most would view the environment as oppressive and unconducive to treatment. But Karkat always admired it. The desk was tasteful and modern, made from Ebonized wood. Her office supplies themed in red and white with little trinkets everywhere and frames on every wall. Old news papers and diplomas sun-faded inside. The one therapist's office in the world that was the furthest thing from bland, or worse yet, sterile. God, he was tired of things looking sterile. The relief of Doc not having some baby blue room with nothing in it was always palpable. He knows color psychology doesn't work like that. His ability meant he was the leading expert, as far as he knew. At least the visits grant an excuse to purloin the stationary before him of some Blackwing pencils for his and Nepeta's art assignments. Doc never stated she disapproved of his bi-monthly pilfering, So he figured it was fine.

    "Good evening, Karkat. How are you? Please feel free to sit down. I expected you to arrive a bit later, but that's quite alright."

Chapter Text

    "Session pre-meeting notes 5-5, beginning recording: Patient Five is getting better about swearing, and his parents have indicated fewer outbursts at home. He is still feeling exasperated by his older brother's antics and ability to have strong emotions about anything on this earth. However, he is getting better at identifying his feelings compared to those of his family due to forced proximity over summer break. He's still giving occasional curt responses, but since this is court-ordered and he is a teenager? Well, I don't take it personally. Speaking of, SNS Agent- Oh, Good evening Karkat! How are you? Please feel free to sit down. I expected you to arrive a bit later, but that's quite alright."

    Like clockwork, Karkat chucked his bookbag and sunk into his usual preferred spot. Once again refusing to sit properly. This time he opted to sit crisscross, not that Jane minded the behavior. The lack of masking both positive and undesirable mannerisms meant he trusted her. She certainly wasn't surprised either when he quietly swiped the usual pencil tithe, thinking she was distracted flipping through a folder. When she found out he liked them, she made a habit of leaving extras on the desk edge for easy raiding. Fifteen dollars every seven weeks was a small price for cooperation from an angsty teen. It might be enabling or straight up bribery, but Karkat wasn't here for kleptomania.

Jane: So Karkat, how are you feeling today?

    Jane could have winced when Karkat didn't reply. Regression in communication was expected, especially among teens with difficult parents. It had taken about three sessions for Jane to figure out why he felt he had to punch a student on the last day of school before summer break. After that revelation? It was ultimately right on schedule for him to reel his personality back in and a good sign. Even if it was extremely frustrating. A whole month to gently pry out that Karkat was an empath, and sensed the assaulted student didn't have good intentions. My how time flew.

Karkat: Sorry, it's just- you should get your receptionist some flowers. I think her mom died? She's not doing well at all.

Jane: Her friend, sadly. I apologize. I forgot to warn you two that being in close proximity may be a bad idea. Would you like us to reschedule?

Karkat: No, it's not like she can fucking control that her friend passed. I'm rude, but I'm not an asshole- sorry, yes. I see you angrily staring at me for my vernacular. But asshole isn't a swear and is, I might add, appropriate for my age to use.

    All she could do was shake her head at that claim. Karkat may be right that teens swear. But when the majority of his swearing was directed at himself? It wasn't exactly healthy self-talk. Also, he didn't even realize he said fuck. Regardless, that will be a battle another day and pressing the issue would help no one.

Jane: How is your control? Are emotions bleeding through too much? I couldn't help but notice you flat-out neglected the journal I gave you to track your progress as at-home work. I understand your frustration but I do need you to at least write something. You are court-ordered to at least try and track your outbursts for the judge.

Karkat: To say what? That being around more than three people is painful, but so is being around just one or two? I cant exactly be honest in it the judge doesn't know the truth. Besides, there's no way I'm writing into anything Kankri can get his hands on. Anyways, no. It sucks the exact same as usual, I hate every second of it, and I still hate large crowds. Not that I'm getting the gorephobia or whatever you called it. I'm not afraid, I'm vexed.

Jane: I don't think you have agoraphobia, I think there is a risk of development later in life for most Atypicals if we don't work through this-

Karkat: Well consider this working through it. Now would you stop looking at me that way? I know you feel bad. Let me guess, it's that I'm stuck knowing what every person on the god da- dang, planet feels aside from myself. It's not like your pity helps me. I can physically feel and see it radiating off of you! Why are you suddenly so amused?

Jane: I wasn't pitying you, Karkat. That would hardly get us anywhere. You shirk from sympathy and that's it's own problem but unrelated. I was worried about my receptionist. I think I'll excuse her for the day after our session. If it is affecting you this much she's clearly not alright. However you are right to say I need to focus on you. In the meantime, perhaps we can make the most of it.

    Jane rummaged in her drawer, pulling out some fidget toys and casually putting them on the desk Choosing the Rubix cube for herself and pushing the rest forward expectantly. Could she solve one? Not with any efficiency, but Karkat wouldn't touch them unless she did first. So she sat there, doing her breathing to stimulate the Vagus nerve and turning the cube's sides until Karkat decided capitulation to the stim toys was worth ending the silence. It was slightly unethical to use meditation to purposefully invoke discomfort in an empathic patient with a lack of any outward emotion broadcasted. But she needed a win, and she got it as he picked up a squeeze ball with a glare. Treating Atypicals required a.. Unique plan to say the least. Good to know meditation could in fact still allow her to keep a barrier between them. He is her patient, regardless of his ability.

Jane: Since you're already here and in a heightened emotional state. I was wondering if you'd like to practice identification. I'm thinking that when you can pick out an emotion that is definitively not yours, practice by saying who it came from and what they are feeling. Regardless of where they come from? You feel these emotions as if they are yours. That means when willing? You can teach yourself rational reactions to them. You alone manage how you behave when you experience them. Then maybe one day if you can identify when it happens they won't seep into your personal feelings at all.

Karkat: soooo, you're "sorry I feel that way"? That's.. sucky.

Jane: That's a very passive-aggressive thinking and I assure you, not what I meant. None of this is your fault Karkat nor requires any apologies for your feelings. Emotions are affected by people all the time yours aren't special in that regard. If someone steps on your foot, you get angry. If they tell a good joke, you feel happy. People are responsible for the actions that make others feel certain ways, no matter what. No one should apologize or feel shame for their feelings and internal reactions to the behavior of others. So long as their external behaviors are appropriate.

Karkat: Except that's not what's happening. it's not actions it's the emotions themselves being to loud.

Jane: yes unfortunately in your case? You do need to manage the affects others have on you. But so does everyone else regardless of what is specifically bothering you. When you are overwhelmed and lash out, I presume you're not reacting to what others are doing. For lack of a better term? You're assimilating what they are feeling onto yourself. You don't know where they end, and you begin. Even if it contradicts your personal feelings. That's just a more extreme version of those with bleeding hearts. Having high levels of empathy and compassion isn't a negative. The goal I hope you achieve is to learn emotional maturity to temper your reaction to all emotions, Yours and theirs. Admittedly, some adults haven't even learned the concept, as I'm sure you've literally seen. In time you'll learn to feel only your emotions. You will make healthy boundaries and priorities like every other person, just with more insight. But for now, Identifying what is and is not yours is sufficient. Allow us to practice a few exercises...

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Later

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Jane: All right, that's about it for today. Please actually use your journal this week Karkat?

Karkat: No promises but... We'll see.

Jane: Thank you. Good afternoon Karkat, get home safe.

Chapter Text

    On the battered, neglected lawn of a newly purchased house swarming with movers. Four kids meet for the first time in 9 years in the sharp morning air of autumn. Paying no mind to their task of offloading boxes and wizard statues, they ran. Sprinting down the driveway to each other again for a long overdue hug. Determined to squeeze tight enough to break bones. Well, one party was determined anyway. The excited, bordering on feral pack greeting was definitively one-sided. 

    June was practically bouncing as she quickly clutched Rose tight before taking her hands. The warmth of the greeting literally dispelled the chill around them. Dave, though he would never admit it? Unironically loved it when Jade hoisted him up to the sky. He laughed so hard he couldn't quite get out a plea to be put back down on the earth for a moment. Jade took notice it was easier than it should have been. Stupid growth spurts turned him into a beanpole. 

Dave: Harley- holy shit- down! Pleaaaase, put me down! I am begging you to not emasculate me on my first day in town. What will the ladies think if they see you overhead pressing me?

Jade: That I'm hot and you're a string bean, maybe? 

Dave: Yes, Yes. You're a beautiful, intelligent bisexual goddess and probably rap better than Joe Biden. Now put me down you overgrown band nerd!

Jade: Pfft, who wouldn't rap better than Joe Biden? He's just the VP. 

    Jade complied, setting Dave back on solid earth for the sake of his wounded Dignitas where he fixed his shades. Both were suddenly aware and felt mildly awkward, realizing June and Rose were deep in conversation. Jade may be naive and Dave was certainly self-absorbed. But neither of them was blind to how close those two have become even while apart. 

Rose: Yes I hardly recognized you. You weren't nearly this effervescent when I last saw you. Euphoric at seeing us again, Egbert?

June: Yeah, tit-tacs will do that to a gal- was that a pun? Did you really just roll into my neighborhood and out-pun me? Dave, I think Rose is possessed.

Dave: I know it's uncanny. I'm convinced she got replaced by Bigfoot or an alien. She's been doing it since I got to New York. Like a really shitty alien. With horns and a funny purple symbol on her shirt. Maybe some unique colored blood.

Rose: No horns that I know of. But I dare say this idea is enthralling. Someone should write a story about it.

Dave: Oh no, absolutely not. You are not writing a story about aliens doing… whatever things do in your shitty romance novellas. I thought the wizard fanfiction was the worst it could get.

June: Baaaaarrf

Jade: Why do you open your mouth sometimes?

Rose: Because my dearest cousin has a very serious condition I fear.

Jade: Oo! Oo! Let me guess! Chatterboxitus?

June: Neverthinkinoma?

Rose: Stupidity, it's sadly genetic.

Dave: Wow. Yes, I missed this outpouring of support and proof of our friendship. I can't wait for at least four more years of this.

June: We wouldn't bully you if we didn't care and thought you weren't strong enough to take it with love. Come over here "Sergeant Stretch". It's my turn for a hug.

Dave: I'm wide open Egbert. Hug away.

    It was nice to hug Dave. June missed him terribly all these years. But it didn't matter now they were home. Dave was the one to pull away. Smiling wide when movement out of the corner of his eyes brought them back to their senses. James Egbert had wandered up the drive to offer the Lalondes a hand in their moving. Sleeves rolled perfectly on his pressed white shirt. Prompting the kids to all get to work for their payment of pizza and pop when the job was done. This school year was really going to be the best.

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Elsewhere
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    Jane Crocker escorted a new patient into her office, cheerfully making small talk as she helped Terezi to the seat on the patient's side of her desk. She had never had a visually impaired patient before. But if she could handle writing and defending a master's thesis to stuffy old men on how gender identity was being used in modern counter-cultural movements? (thank god for Rox's nebulous void of anything definitive) She could do anything. She should call him- no. No contact with the SNS. Not even Roxy. Why was she even thinking of college...

Jane: Comfortable? Can I get you anything? Tea? Water? I think I have some Coke.

Terezi: ah, no thanks. You don't tell anyone anything I say, so long as it isn't a crime I am planning or actively committing, right?

Jane: You know the law well. That's correct. excluding self-harm and crimes being done to you like abuse. I'm a mandated reporter. You're a law student from...

Terezi: Uh, UW eventually. Before that will be Green River for pre-recs, but right now it's AP classes.

Jane: Good to hear you have a plan. Most kids your age don't. You're a minor so I can't keep everything from your mom. But I do want to build a rapport so I have to ask in your own words, why did you book an appointment?

Terezi: I um... Well. Mom remembered you from when you two met at CWU and after talking with another doctor who we weren't a fan of, she tracked you down. 

    Jane sat down, mind swimming from the past as it all rushed back to her. She hadn't even realized how much Terezi looked like her mother. Red, Jake, Rox, Callie, Dirk, Hal. So much history and regret. So much wasted work. She sipped her cup of coffee to clear her voice and steady herself before she spoke.

Jane: Yes, I remember your mom. She was a good friend and roommate. But looking at what was sent over from your previous doctor- oh dear. Acute schizophrenia? Am I reading that right or is this the wrong file...

Terezi: You're the one with the sight to read it, wasn't in large print like we asked. Congenital cataracts suck.

    With the shock of the joke and being thrown off by the diagnosis, Jane wasn't sure if she should laugh or not until Terezi smiled. Clearly alittle antsy. Jane needed more coffee to handle this being of pure chaos. Of all diagnosis to give a kid. Why? Women weren't diagnosed until their 20s for a reason. She wasn't even 14. Mental breakdown in the file that happened at school, okay sure. Hearing voices was interesting and she could dig into that. If they didn't know Terezi was an Atypical like her mother, then it would make sense. Alpha-genetics in a family line were a touchy thing sometimes. They did what they wanted when they wanted. Hell just harvesting them active with rox at the lab for sequencing was a bitch. They loved to go dormant and kill themselves for any minor deviation from the body they came from- Right, focus.

Jane: Like I said. I knew your mother very well once, and I still trust her judgment. Has she explained why we became friends, Terezi? 

Terezi: Well, not really at first. But I pressed and she explained that you did work with people who were different. Odd. That she qualified because she was a telekinetic? She didn't make a lot of sense and was very uncomfortable. How can you move something mentally if you cant see it spatially. She said she was an Atypical, whatever that means. Oh, and yes. You should absolutely call your friend. You miss each other very much.

    Jane nearly dropped her coffee cup. Suddenly in a cold sweat when the sweet young girl who was happy to stare off into space made direct eye contact with her. Eyebrow raised as if there was nothing odd about her statement at all and Jane needed to catch up.

Jane: How did... I'm sorry. You caught me off guard that was uncanny. I was thinking about how much I missed your mom and I's friend. Interesting coincidence.

Terezi: Duh, I know that. The Jury told me!

Chapter Text

Terezi: So, Recap. My mother is Telekinetic, and you think I am some mind seer? That's seriously your professional opinion.

Jane: Telepathic? Possibly. Or some other subsection of Omniscience. You are a Psychescopic Atypical, Terezi. I'm not yet sure about the specific mechanisms involved in your process. But it means I can tell you you're not suffering from an illness like schizophrenia.

Terezi: So the Jury is what exactly. That's a textbook example, right?

Jane: There was some risk in labeling it as "Magic powers" as you put it earlier. If you were experiencing delusions, it would not be helpful. While Omniscience abilities present with visual, auditory, and physical hallucinations consistent with many illnesses? They are independently verifiable as accurate. I'm not going to lie to you, Terezi. They made a hash of this and scared you half to death for no reason.

 
    Jane sighed, tossing the folder on the desk and rubbing her temples. Bunch of fools. If only they could be made to understand the reality of modern medicine for an underserved but not unsubstantial community. She should talk later with Meenah. For this to happen in the SNS's backyard was a serious lapse in protocol. Thank god Red knew what to do. But how much to tell Terezi? Brief or in-depth.

 
Jane: To answer the first half of your question. "The Jury" as you call it, is by my best guess how you perceive whatever your abilities are sensing. I'm guessing it's six to.. twelve voices? A Petite Jury?

Terezi: wow, you got the reference? Oh- you helped my mom study for exams in your dorm over wine. My mom used to drink?

Jane: No- well, no sense in lying. Yes, we used to quiz each other on Saturdays before any major tests. So I learned a little. Tell me, what exactly did that moment sound like? I know your ability told you the wine detail I purposefully omitted.

 
    Terezi suddenly grew quiet, squirming in her chair as she wrung her hands together. It was all so new, and she was frankly scared. Jane didn't know whether to comfort her. Leading Atypicals to understand and come to terms with their skills was never easy.

 
Terezi: I don't know how to explain it. It's like, everything has a reason. You offered me tea instead of coffee for a reason, it wasn't arbitrary. There is no random chance. It was decided by, well, an arbiter. One deciding voice if it is a small matter. Like my mom choosing what shirt to wear in court. As another example, your secretary is right now choosing between tomorrow or Friday for a particularly difficult patient. That requires a petit jury. Don't worry, I can't glean any info that breaks confidentiality- oh. Oh no.

Jane: Terezi? You went pale.

Terezi: Your secretary doesn't have a petite jury over this decision. She has a grand jury of 23. I didn’t know it could get that big. She is unsure if she can deny him entry. Even if you want her to, he will enter anyway. They're deliberating if he's safe to be around he could be aggressive. Are you safe, Doctor J? You know my mom's a state prosecutor. I know she's debating checking on you.

Jane: Terezi, I need you to take a breath. Okay? I am completely fine, you don't need to fear for my safety. I've known him for a long time. Do... you feel any fear from me? Hear any thoughts that indicate I'm afraid?

Terezi: I don't feel anything or hear deliberations from you. No- there's one. Yes, grab the deck of Zener cards. What's a Zener card?

Jane: An ESP toy from the 60s. I think I know what's happening. Allow me to confirm it.

 
    At that, Jane went to the display behind her. Pulling out a box owned by her grandfather once. She spent hours with Jake and Rox learning to trick people into thinking they had telepathy. Back when the world was so much simpler. When the prankster's gambit was her favorite pastime. 30 cards to a deck. Five suit symbols, six colors per suit. No two cards were the same and they added an extra color for increased difficulty. Just to guess the symbol was a one in 20 chance. But Jane was going to push the exam to its limits.

 
Jane: alright Terezi, this is an advanced Zener deck. There are 30 cards, and they have symbols on them. Cross, Waves, Star, Square, and Circle. They also have six colors. Green, Red, Blue, Yellow, Black, and Purple. Do you have an idea of the deck?

Terezi: I think so. Let me guess, you want me to "see" which card you'll pick.

Jane: That's the idea. I am going to draw one, I want you to tell me what it is. The color, shape, both if possible. If you don't know that's okay. You just say skip. It is better to not guess. Ready? Okay.

 
Blue cross- skip
red circle- red circle
yellow circle-yellow
yellow square-square
green star- skip

 
Jane: Well done. Next, I will draw two, tell me which one I choose to put face down.

 
Black waves up, Purple cross down- purple
Yellow square up, Purple circle down- square
Yellow star up, red cross- skip
green waves up, green cross down- Green cross
 
    On they went for 10 rounds. All in all, a 50% accuracy rate and a 75% chance she guessed at least one card's color or suit. Not bad for her first time. Much higher than Jake's was two years ago.

 
Jane: One last round. Three cards face down and all the cards back in the deck to avoid card counting. Just describe them the best you can, don't rush. Okay, begin.

Terezi: Blue cross, red waves, yellow- no. Orange cross.

Jane: Terezi, I said don't rush. There is no orange cross.

Terezi: I'll bet you that coffee you thought I wouldn’t want.

 
    Jane pretended to consider it. There was absolutely no orange cross. Even if Terezi was what she suspected, she wouldn’t be completely accurate in the beginning. But that was left field for sure. She’s too smart for her own good, and certainly wouldn’t forget the colors listed. Jane thumbed the offending card, honestly afraid to peek. The real, cruel trick? Jane wasn’t thinking of anything Terezi could have sensed because she was playing every card face down until Terezi offered an answer and she verified it. It was a double-blind experiment. Truly random.
But Terezi Pyrope understood there was no such thing as random.

 
Jane: Tell you what, If I win, You have consider to do something. Don't be anxious, It will benefit you. 

Terezi: Ah alright, sounds good. But it's an orange cross.

Jane: what order will I turn them over in?

Terezi: skip, how am I suposed to know?

Jane: And if I turn them over from your left to right and that is a guarantee?

Terezi: What?

Jane: If I remove choice from the equation, or more accurately, tell you the choice. What order are the cards in?

Terezi: I don’t know. Um, I think the order I said already. From my left to my right.

 
    Jane took a breath and turned the cards. Praying the universe wasn't about to do what she suspected and ruin her Wednesday. She really hoped that Terezi Pyrope was not a Precognate, but it hinged on this.
 
Blue Cross
Red Waves
and an Orange cross.
 
    A certain patient had scribbled the yellow with a red marker to make it orange, specifically to annoy her. Of course, his "prank" to trip up their game would reveal the one thing that Jane feared finding. She wiped the sweat from her palms and swiped the cards up. Fast. No one could know, especially not red. Not until Jane knew Terezi was safe. She was still young, the SNS hadn’t detected her yet. She couldn’t see past the moment someone was expected to make a choice. She couldn't really advise the most advantageous route through the future objectively. All in all, a weak Precognate. 

    But they still loved testing on them the most. Something bothered Jane in the back of her mind. How did Terezi know the In-depth answer about the wine? She knew Jane was making a choice and what the choices were on the surface level for sure. She knew the future ramifications of the chosen path and what she weighed as pros and cons in her mind. But Jane did not choose to go In-depth, even if she had she would not have been unprofessional and told the young Pyrope that. It would have been inappropriate. Yet Terezi knew.
 

Jane: I uh... Sorry Terezi, You're wrong. It's yellow. Good job though.

Terezi: Really?! Damn it- oop sorry. No swearing. I was sure it was orange. So what's the diagnosis Doctor J? I don't really understand why we played this game if I sucked at it.

Jane: The diagnosis I consider likely is Undetermined Psychescopic Sensitivity. I don't know why. But the good news is I can help you learn to tune out the Jury. You're sensing something, but maybe you haven't let your ability mature enough to know for sure.

Terezi: What was the thing you wanted me to consider? The one that benefits me?

Jane: It was to meet same time next week. If you're comfortable with repeat visits that is and want to move forward. 

Terezi: I can do that, mom's going to be thrilled at another scheduling conflict but oh well. It’s not like I can’t get here on the bus after debate club.

 
    So the two left the office, Jane giving the elder Pyrope a silent greeting. They didn't need to share words. An "I'm sorry", "Are you doing okay?", "Is Terezi okay?" all wrapped into one solitary nod and a brave face. It was Jane who cost the telekinetic her ability after all. They left their secret, their rivalry, and their friendship, at the grave long ago. Nothing more to it. Jane never felt so alone and jealous as when she watched them walk away.

Chapter Text

    "-Beddlebulb stroked his long, flowy, capricious beard. He recognized that his actions might inadvertently tangle it even more. Fingers working the strands into a knot with his fussing. But he was nervous! The High Magistrate has summoned him for his"-

Dave: Rose, did you go inside my room?

Rose sighed, peeking over the screen of her laptop at the offending cousin who was likely to throw an imminent conniption fit. She was having such a lovely Sunday morning; She made a warm drink, ate some toast, and was finishing up her chapter. Before he ever so rudely broke her flow state. Note to self, draft the story in her room and lock the door next time. Heaven forbid she writes at her own dining room table.

Rose: I'm sorry, Jaspers opens doors you know that. He got himself stuck and I hadn't perceived it as an overstep.

Dave: Rose that is dangerous territory. You wandering into my sacred space that's like- super unsafe. Could have fallen into a pile of dirty clothes. Shit's like a teenage saw trap you never know what's in the punji mound of danger. Anyways, did Aunt Lalonde stash Benadryl in the pantry cupboard? I love Jaspers but the little man is killing me. What if I end up asthmatic, Rose? Here lies Dave, killed by cat hair or some shit.

Rose: Cat skin, not hair. It's a mild dander allergy you'll be fine. Anyways a laundry pile implies you brought clothes and not just swords and turn tables. However, I did observe and take precautions to avoid the armory you have stashed. How long do you intend to keep swords hidden from my mother? If you wanted to do Kendo or Iaido she would pay for classes. 

Dave: uh, nah it's fine. I'm more into Aikido with a mix of the school of hard knocks. Sprinkle in some stairs and shit to be dramatically thrown down. My mysterious sensei would be all "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground". Ya know? I'd probably say something corny like "You underestimate my power!" Before a lame leap left me quadriplegic or some shit. Bouncing down every stair to the ground floor and past that into the sub-basement. So yeah, No club for that.

Rose: We are 30 minutes from Seattle, I think there's likely to be an Aikido club nearby. You can say you feel uncomfortable asking my mom to pay Dave. It's fine. But I would remind you she's your aunt. She willingly, under no duress, took you in. I believe she is legally your guardian now.

Dave: Only until Bro gets things smoothed out.

Rose: Is that why you sleep on the couch and not in the nice bed mom procured you? It's been a month Dave. Is there information I missed to cause speculation that Uncle Broderek will resolve his legal troubles so soon? If you were sleeping in your bed, you would have found the Zyrtec bottle I put in your pillowcase last night. Benadryl is linked to Alzheimer's. You shouldn't rely on it.

    She paused with a smirk as Dave froze in place, perfectly caught in her trap. Interesting that he had a strong freeze response. Rose wasn't going to finish her chapter anytime soon and didn't wish to be cruel while toying with him. So she closed her laptop to give him her full attention when he sat down. Resigned to the fate of correctly identifying, and now psychoanalyzing, Strider stupidity. How dense did he think she was anyway? For someone with a personality so couched in masks, he was horrible at keeping an opinion to himself much less lying. Or maybe, she mused, she's just that good. 
    She hadn't noticed until the pendant light illuminated flat down his entire face, he was exhausted. Perhaps the red, puffy quality of his eyes when viewed from the side were just allergies as he claimed. Maybe the slight circles there weren't bags from horrible sleep. Just a trick of the light through his shades. But she suspected her gut instinct was right. She would give anything to read the police report on Broderek's arrest. 

Rose: You don't have to tell me about Texas if you aren't ready, Dave. However, you could meet my mom halfway maybe? You won't permit her to get you new clothes or a school laptop. She's worried you don't have enough. You barely let her purchase your pencils and notebooks for class.

Dave: My laptop is fine Rose, Ya damn Mac-hole. I like Iphones but their laptops suck. Anyways Bro hooked me up with good shit. Creme De la Crem and all that.

Rose: For 2009 perhaps, but you're still using Vista. Windows 8 has been available for a year now. Roxy is visiting next weekend and is excited to see you after so long. Why not ask her to take a look? I know you won't let June do it.

Dave: June has been playing with ~ath way too much for me to trust her. Who the fuck enjoys that C++ roid raging nightmare clone other than Roxy and June? You know she tried to speak with me for twenty minutes about data structures? There are a million esolangs. They chose the worst one.

Rose: I'll take your word for it. I never understood what Roxy and my mom do day to day. It wasn't my field of interest. 

Dave: Wasn't my first choice either, I picked up a few things. Anyways you baffle me. Two awesome hackers in our family, yet you want nothing to do with it. It could be some serious generational badassery. 

Rose: You didn't have an attraction to robotics either I'd like to point out. Or puppetry for that matter- I'm so sorry that inuendo was an accident and uncalled for. 

Dave: Oh no Rose, you got me. I'm traumatized- crippled even- by the fact that I am not a carbon copy of the Striders in our family. I have shamed my good name by not getting my mack on with either robots or puppets. It's fine I'm just a smidge weirded out by them. Remind me to hound Roxy for updates on Dirk. Also do not, under any circumstances, introduce Rox to June before we worm an answer out of him. They're nerds, we will never get a word in.

Rose: You have a phone with the ability to set reminders, but I will keep it in mind. Now if you will excuse me? Beddlebulb was summoned by the High Magistrate. My loyal fans must know what daring and unscrupulous plans they have to remove him from his meager station this time.

    At that, Dave swiped her remaining toast half and wandered off, leaving Rose with far too many questions and a decimated interest in writing her new chapter. She ruminated instead on the massive grecco-irony Dave wasn't privy to as she sipped her tea. 

    The parents of her older cousins whose passing caused their namesakes of Rose and Dave in memoriam? They were not his parents, from whom he was benevolently adopted upon their death. If he were to look at the birth certificates he never saw, He would have realized He and Rose were twins.

    It had been a long fight amongst the Lalondes about whether they would tell Dave his parentage upon arriving to Washington. But Rose and Roxy had, despite their moral and personal objections to allowing the record not be made clear, said nothing. Her lie by omission was one she certainly never wanted. In fact, they only capitulated to her mother's pleas for time to settle into Maple Valley because frankly? The reason for waiting before she revealed the deception was shockingly logical. 

    Admitting to Dave their father- No. Broderek didn't deserve that title. That their parasitic genetic supplier had taken him years prior illegally would invoke questions. Questions better suited to be answered in the presence of a mental health professional or family councilor. They would find out exactly what happened to him in Texas soon. But they had another, more benevolent reason for waiting. They needed the explanation to go well to get a restraining order on his testimony. So Rose, backed into a corner, conceded that telling Dave would ruin their chances at protecting him. But she hated it and asked something in return. A "Wizard promise". It was a childhood invention, a pact unbreakable by the laws of magic princesses.

        She hadn't invoked a wizard promise on her mother or cousin since she was five.

        But she meant it with as much conviction as she did eight years go.

    A promise that this would remain a dry house for as long as Dave was willing to step foot in it. No beer, no booze, and definitely no wine. She wouldn't let them subject him to the experience she had in New York. It might shatter his trust forever if he saw that.

She only hoped school went well tomorrow.

Chapter Text

"Hello, you've reached the office of Jane Crocker. If it is after hours, I may be out of the office and unable to answer the phone right now. If you are calling during business hours, I am likely with a patient. 

To set up an appointment, press 1 to speak with the front desk. To leave a message, please stay on the line, and I will try to get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you!"

You have- five -unread messages. 

Message One at 3:58 P.M.

Roxy: Hey C, just calling to set up a time for a debrief like usual. You know how She gets. I'll swing by at the normal time next week, and bring a list of what I need clarified. I'm guessing there's no way I could convince you to talk about this over dinner so, ya know, Friday after work like usual? I'll just have your receptionist toss it on the calendar. Have a good night. 

End of message.

Message Two at 4:01 P.M.

Terezi: Hey doc, oops- sorry, I should have hit one. Uhh, Mom says yes to more sessions so I'll call back and go through the secretary. Thanks so much. Bye!

End of message.

Message Three at 4:35 P.M.

Dirk: Janey. Just thought I’d give you a little heads-up that I’m in town, even though I know you prefer to keep your door closed to unexpected visitors. Not that it matters much, of course. Your secretary is quite the gem—so eager to share your itinerary with me. I hope you enjoy your appointments~. I’ll be watching.

End of message.

Message Four at 5:02 P.M.

Roxy: J-Jane? Jane! I could really use your help. I know you don't wanna speak with me. You hate me because of the SNS, and that's fine. You can hate me forever if you want. But could you maybe stop by? Oh, who am I kidding you never check your phone on weekends. Look I don't want to have to dig up your personal number from your file or strongarm your secretary so... call me? Please? It's not about me. It's about my little brother. -God come on Dave, wake up. No Rose don't crowd him. Just keep him under the ice packs-Talk to you soon Jane, hopefully.

End of message.

Message Five at 5:31 P.M. 

James: Jane? I'm just checking that you are still coming, it is rare you don't call and let us know when you're missing a family dinner with June, Jade, and I. The girls miss you. Call me if you get this, I hope you're alright.

End of message.

Session pre-meeting notes 6-1, Emergency intake interview, Beginning recording:

I uh... I don't know what to say. Agent La- ugh, dropping all pretenses from here on, sue me. Roxy called and asked me to come for an urgent house call. As the SNS likely knows if they are tapping my phone. I arrived to find the patient was an Atypical. After Patient Four's loss of all decency and reasoning, I feared the worst. But that thankfully doesn't appear to be the case. Patient Six, a minor around the age of 13 or 14, was exhibiting signs of hyperpyrexia from a fever of about 40 to 41°C- uh, 104 to 106°F, seizures, extreme confusion, flushed skin, and light sensitivity- which may be unrelated. As well as less mundane qualities. He appeared to flicker before my very eyes, occasionally vanishing entirely for whole seconds before coming back. Then it ended as quickly as it started. Speaking to the family reveals this may have been caused by sudden, acute emotional distress of unknown causes. Will have to investigate further. The patient slept for an entire 32 hours, Appearing to have no ill side effects other than requiring oven mitts to touch him occasionally when unconscious. Unsure of how warm his external temperature was at this time at its peak, Further testing when we finally do intake is required.