Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Janus had long since learned to stop questioning things that had no answer.

He didn’t know why Virgil left. He only knew that one day, his best friend was there, standing beside him, their bond strong, whispering promises of us against them– and the next, he wasn’t.

When Janus went looking for him, desperate and angry, and confused, he found him smiling with the very people they both sworn to hate. The people who had shunned them, belittled them, called them nothing but problems, dark sides, villains.

And worst of all, Virgil looked happy. Happier than Janus had ever seen him. And that made him feel sick. Sicker than he had ever felt in his entire life.

Janus never got an explanation. Never an apology. Just cold stares and venom in Virgil’s voice whenever their paths so happened to cross.

At some point, he stopped asking why.

That was, until Thomas started spiraling.

Thomas was crumbling under the weight of himself, drowning in his own mind. No one, not even Logic or Morality could pull their host out. Even at the lowest point, the core sides had continued to ignore Janus’ warnings.

Janus had learned the truth shortly after. Thomas wasn’t spiraling because of his own fears.

He was spiraling because he was absorbing theirs.

So, Janus did something reckless.

He cornered Virgil.

—

“Talk to me,” Janus hissed, slamming his hand against the wall next to the anxious side’s head “Tell me why you left, you owe me that much.”

Virgil’s breath hitched for only a second, taken aback by what Janus had said. Shortly after, he scoffed, crossing his arms. “You’re still stuck on that? Let it go, dude. We’re on different sides now.”

“Because you put us there!” Janus snapped. “You were the one who left. You were the one who abandoned everything we built! Our friendship, Remus…you were one of us, you– You were mine!”

“I was never yours.” Virgil interrupted, voice sharp as a knife. “And I was never ‘one of you’. Not really. I just didn’t realize it until I finally got out.”

Janus felt his stomach turn.

He could argue with a lie. He could work around half-truths. But this? This was the one thing he had never been able to fight against.

The truth. This was not the answer he wanted, but he should have expected it.

“So.. that’s it?” He asked, his voice low. “You saw a better offer and took it? Left the rest of us behind to rot?”

“Better offer? Janus, do you even hear yourself?” The man in front of Janus shook his head, exhaling harshly. “I left because I saw the truth! I woke up. You and the others– you’re not helping Thomas! You’re poisoning him with your lies.”

….

There was silence as Janus tried to process what Virgil had said. The silence was uncomfortable. Lasting for several seconds until Janus mumbled “Poisoning him…”

He saw Virgil’s glare and quickly looked to the floor.

“You lie to him. You manipulate him to do things you want! You tell him things he wants to hear, not what he needs to. You act like you care, but it’s all about control with you, isn’t it?” The anxious side’s mouth twisted in something bitter, resentful even. “I used to think you were protecting us. That you actually gave a damn. But now I know you just wanted power.”

Janus felt something deep inside him crack.

This whole time— this whole time— Virgil hadn’t left because he was scared. He hadn’t left because he thought there was something better.

He left because he thought Janus was evil.

And Janus didn’t know how to recover from that.

“I never lied to you.” He spoke desperately.

But Virgil’s glare didn’t waver. “Yeah? Then tell me the damn truth right now.”

Janus hesitated.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Virgil scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Those words should’ve made Janus angry. But they Didn’t. They just made him tired.

“You never even gave me a chance, did you?” he muttered.

Virgil blinked.

“You left me,” Janus continued. “And instead of considering that maybe, just maybe, I was hurting too— you turned me into your villain.” He let out a hollow laugh. “It’s easier, isn’t it? Hating me? Blaming me? That way you never have to wonder if you were wrong.”

“You don’t— you don't get to turn this around on me.”

“I don’t want to turn anything around, I just want to understand.”

Silence again.

“Please Virgil, we need to talk, please just talk to me. Was you leaving truly because you think I am evil?”

“...You’re acting like you didn’t lie to Thomas for years, Janus. Like you didn’t manipulate him.”

Once Virgil was sure the snake in front of him was quiet, he continued.

“Maybe Thomas is feeling your bitterness, but don’t put this on me. I was trying to help him. Unlike you.”

Janus inhaled sharply, a cold, bitter, laugh slipping out.

“Right,” he murmured. “Of course. I should’ve known better than to expect anything else from you.”

“You are unbelievable.”

“And you are a coward.” The lying facet quietly said, but he was loud enough for Virgil to hear him.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. You act so righteous, like you’re Thomas’ personal guard! But you’re just scared. You’ve always been. You didn’t leave because I was evil, Virgil. You left because you were afraid of what it meant to stay.”

“Shut up.”

“Do you still think about the past, about us?”

Virgil shoved him. “I said shut up!”

Janus stumbled back, stunned. But then he let out a quiet, bitter laugh. “I see, so this is how we are now.”

Virgil took a shaky breath, anger still buzzing through him. “Yeah, I guess we are.”

Janus just nodded. “I am done with this conversation.” His face was unreadable. Then with a slow turn, he walked away.

Virgil let him go.

—

He should’ve felt satisfied.

Janus had always been the manipulator, the liar, the one twisting things to make himself look better. Virgil had finally called him out. Finally won.

So why did it feel like he’d lost?

He thought about Janus’ face, there was no anger, not even resentment.. Just tired.

The realization hit like a push into a pile of spikes.

Janus had never fought back like this before. He had always been snide, sarcastic, irritating– but he never truly lashed out. Never tried to hurt Virgil the way Virgil hurt him.

Because maybe.. Janus hadn’t wanted to hurt him at all.

Virgil swallowed hard. Shit.

—

He found Janus outside his room, leaning against a wall with his arms crossed.

At first, he hesitated. But he forced himself forward.

“..Hey.” His voice came out quieter than he wanted it to.

Janus didn’t look up.

“Look, I–I shouldn’t have said all that.”

Janus hummed. “No, you shouldn’t have.”

“I just– I got defensive, okay? That’s what I do. I lash out first, think later.” He hesitated some more. “I didn’t mean– I mean, I did mean some of it, but not all of it. And not in the way I said it.”

“Hm, a glowing apology.”

The purple facet groaned. “I suck at this, alright? Just– just let me talk.”

“..Fine, talk.”

…

“I left because I was scared,” He admitted. “Not of you– not really. I was scared of what I was. What it meant to be a ‘Dark Side.’ I thought that if I stayed, I’d never be anything else.”

This time, it was his turn to stare at the ground. “I told myself you were the bad guy because it made it easier. Because if you were the villain, then I was right to leave. I was in the right to throw everything away.” Virgil’s throat felt tight. “But I wasn’t right. I was just scared.”

Silence happened once again, though this time it was less uncomfortable.

Then, softly– “I missed you.”

Janus inhaled sharply.

Virgil walked closer. “I’m sorry, Janus. For leaving. For blaming you. For hurting you. I should’ve talked to you back then. You deserved better.”

Janus stared at him for a long moment, deciding on what to say. “Yes, I did.”

Then for the first time in years, Janus smiled– small, tired, but a real smile.

“But I suppose I could settle for an apology.”

Virgil huffed out a laugh. “Oh, settle, huh?”

“Obviously,” Janus said, rolling his eyes. “But, we still have a lot to talk about.”

“Yeah. We do.”

And for once, neither of them walked away.

Chapter Text

After everything that had happened, there was finally a warm and comfortable silence between them. After their argument, Janus had suggested they sit down and talk in the living room. With Thomas and the others busy elsewhere, and neither of their rooms being a suitable option–each one affecting them in ways that could only make things worse–this was the best option they had.

—

It was Virgil that broke the silence. “So. Talking.”

Janus huffed “Yes, Virgil. That's a thing humans do.”

With a roll of his eyes, Virgil sighed. “Alright, smartass. You can start then.”

The snake man went quiet, debating on what he would say. Finally, he decided on something. “..Did you ever think about what it was like for me?”

Virgil frowned. “What?”

Janus exhaled as he rubbed his gloved fingers together. “You.. left. And you were right to leave, weren't you? You were the good one, I wasn't. You got a second chance, and you got to be happy. Isn't that how it worked?” Janus smiled sadly. “But what did that make me?”

Virgil froze, he didn't know what to expect from Janus, but he wasn't really expecting this.

“You left, and suddenly I was alone. Sure, I had Remus but he hardly ever stuck around. I watched you laugh with them, I watched you become someone they could love while I stayed exactly what I've always been, a villain.”

Virgil swallowed hard.

Janus looked directly at him. “I never lied to you, Virgil.” His voice was both quiet and firm. “Not once.”

“Janus, I–”

“Yes, I lied to Thomas,” He interrupted. “Yes, I've twisted words. But with you? I made sure I was always honest.” Janus's face was basically unreadable. He looked almost calm. But if you look closely at his eyes, there was a hint of grief in his eyes. “Can you say the same, Virgil?”

The side in question looked away, guilt twisting in his stomach.

“I just don't understand,” Janus mumbled loudly. “Why did you leave us, why did you leave me? If I was awful to you in any way, I need to know.”

“No, Janus. It was never about you.” Virgil ran a hand through his hair. “I didn't leave because I hated you. I left because I hated myself.”

Janus nodded slightly, even if he wanted to speak. He stayed quiet. This was Virgil's turn to talk.

“I was terrified. I thought– I thought if I stayed, if I kept being one of you, I'd never be anything else than something Thomas had to fear.” Virgil went quiet. “I didn't leave you, I ran away from me.”

Silence settled over the room once more, but this time it was cold and unwelcoming, pressing down like a weight.

Then, breaking through the tension, a quiet voice filled the void.

“You were more than that..”

Virgil's breath hitched. “Wh–what?”

“Even if we were ‘Dark Sides.’ Even if you didn't believe it, you were always more than that.”

Virgil looked him in the eye, something he hadn't done in ages without some sort of anger. “And so are you.” His voice wavered. “I don't.. think you're evil… I don't think you ever were.”

…

Oh.

That sentence alone affected Janus more than he cared to admit. He would even outright deny the gentle smile that tugged at his lips. He would deny that just hearing his old friend say those words softened something in his heart. “That's… good to hear. Thank you, Virgil.”

For once, his voice lacked any sharp edge to it.

That first stitch of trust was finally stitched together. Their relationship may not be perfect, but it was healing. And that was all Janus needed...