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Chapter Text

“I’m your Chief Medical Officer. I’ll tell you what you need!”

—

Kirk’s medical appointments didn’t usually end with him being chased around by an enraged McCoy wielding a hypo, but it happened often enough that most of the crew was unsurprised by it.

Kirk almost immediately outpaced McCoy, whose shout of “Dammit, Jim, I’m a doctor, not a sprint runner!” echoed across the deck. His mistake, however, was in reporting back to his duty on the bridge; he incorrectly assumed that McCoy would give up the chase after losing track of his target. So when the irate doctor appeared on the turbolift, weaponized hypospray still in hand, Kirk was backed into a corner.

There had been an outbreak of Margonian fever in the science department after a lab accident unleashed a sample into the air, infecting the entire group of on-duty lab technicians. The infected were already quarantined and undergoing treatment, and the lab was getting a thorough decontamination, but McCoy insisted that the entire crew be vaccinated in the meantime. Neither the vaccine nor the cure could be made in a replicator, but the vaccine was much easier to synthesize, and none of the medical staff wanted a full-on epidemic on their hands.

Kirk appreciated his crew, every single one of them, and he was glad that they could contain the spread of a disease which would be fatal without treatment. However, he disagreed with his chief medical officer on some of the specifics of his prevention plan.

“You only have so many vaccines, Bones. You should be using them on the uninfected scientists. We can’t have an entire department go into quarantine, especially when we need to make more of those vaccines as soon as possible.”

“Let me know when you get a degree in epidemiology, Jim, then you can start telling me what to do. Until then, stand still and let me give you the damn hypo!”

Kirk ducked behind his captain’s chair, feeling like a petty child but knowing that McCoy would simply jam the hypospray into him if he stopped dodging it for even a moment. “I don’t take precedence over my crew!”

“Spock is in quarantine for a week, as you damn well know. Someone’s gotta run this ship, and you can’t push that on Scotty just because you won’t listen to your doctor. Spock would call that ‘logical,’ and God help me, I’m inclined to agree with him!”

Kirk glanced around the room. Chekov, at Spock’s science station, was pretending he couldn’t hear the bickering captain and doctor, eyes glued to the viewpiece. Sulu, at the helm, didn’t bother pretending he wasn’t watching them for entertainment. Uhura, at her station, even went so far as to mouth “You’re on your own, Captain,” when Kirk made eye contact with her. Evidently, none of his senior officers were willing to risk McCoy’s ire; they’d be no help.

“I won’t take that vaccine while we still don’t have enough for the rest of the crew. I don’t need it any more than anyone else does,” Kirk said, stubbornly crossing his arms. Sometimes, McCoy would cede in the face of Kirk’s unrelenting selflessness if he simply stated it outright. Based on McCoy’s rapidly reddening face, however, this was not to be one of those times.

“I’m your Chief Medical Officer!” McCoy raged. “I’ll tell you what you need!”

Kirk looked back at McCoy, who leveled his gaze with an enraged expression, and realized that maybe, just this once, he should be the one to cede in the face of McCoy’s unrelenting determination.

“Fine,” he said, sitting in his chair and holding out his arm. He put his head in his other hand and rested it on the arm of the chair, because he was going to be cooperative, sure, but that wouldn’t stop him from moping about it.

“Damn right,” said McCoy, jabbing the hypospray into Kirk’s upper arm.

—

“And then he called me a bratty toddler and said—again, I might add—that until I get a medical license, epidemiology degree, or both, I should just shut up and take whatever he prescribes me,” Kirk said. “I can’t believe him!”

“From what I know of the doctor, that sounds like a very believable opinion for him to have. Additionally, despite our usual disagreements, I would consider it a prudent piece of advice that I encourage you to follow,” said Spock.

It had been a long and stressful week. Though the medical and science teams were, in the end, able to synthesize enough cures for the infected and vaccines for everyone else without any casualties, it was a much closer call than any of them would have preferred. Another two dozen crew members ended up infected before they could be vaccinated, and ten crew members reached critical condition before they could be treated. Despite being just as overworked as the rest of his department, McCoy took double shifts for two days past the end of the emergency so his staff would have extra time to rest. Kirk was livid when he found out and would have ordered McCoy off duty if Chapel hadn’t beaten him to it.

Finally, Spock was released from his Margonian fever quarantine and given two days of medical leave to wait out any residual effects. As soon as Kirk’s shift ended, he went directly to Spock’s quarters to check on him and share a long-awaited chess game. Spock told Kirk about the medical evaluation McCoy had given him, which he described as “thorough, but performed with undue concern.” This, of course, led Kirk to tell Spock about his recent interactions with McCoy, including their confrontation on the bridge.

“He wanted me vaccinated first! I don’t prioritize my own safety over that of my crew, Spock. I should have been put in line just like everyone else,” Kirk said. “I don’t use my rank for personal gain. If I start treating myself as more important than the rest of the crew, I’ll turn into a tyrant.”

“I find it unlikely that you would ever let selfishness rule you, Captain, let alone your ship,” Spock said. “You place a great value on your principles, which include that you should not take precedence over your crew.”

“Right, that’s what I told McCoy,” Kirk said. “But he didn’t listen to me, and it’s not like I was gonna let us come to blows on the bridge during a medical emergency! I just don’t like that he wanted to vaccinate me first just because I’m captain. He even called it ‘logical,’ said you’d agree with him if you were there.”

“He was correct. Your health is important to the well-being of the ship, including all of its crew members. With me incapacitated due to the virus, it was logical for the doctor to provide you with a preventative inoculation so that your health would not be at risk of the same infection that affected the science department, including your first officer,” Spock said. “However, I find it unlikely that logic was what determined Doctor McCoy’s course of action.”

“It must have been. If he was acting on emotion, his compassion would have said the same thing I did, that all the crew members should be treated with equal priority.”

“Captain… Jim.” Spock paused for a moment, and Kirk marveled in the rarity of the occasion that Spock would agree with McCoy and use Kirk’s first name in the same conversation. “There is an aspect of this situation that you have failed to consider. To Doctor McCoy, you are not simply the captain; you are a highly valued friend. I do not think the doctor was motivated by logic in inoculating you. I believe that he wished to avoid risking the life of his friend in the face of a dangerous disease.”

Kirk froze, his hand hovering above the chessboard. Surely, if this was the case, he would have realized it at the time? But as he examined the confrontation he and McCoy had on the bridge a week prior, he quickly realized that Spock’s explanation didn’t just make sense; it made a lot of sense.

“He was trying to keep me safe,” Kirk said.

“Indeed, Captain,” said Spock. There was a hint of a proud smile on his face.

“Don’t give me that look. Besides, I’ll bet Doctor McCoy was equally worried about his other closest friend, who was actually infected with said dangerous disease. I’ll bet you’re as much to blame as I am, Mr. Spock.”

Spock raised his eyebrows but said nothing. Kirk playfully scrutinized him for a couple more seconds, then turned his attention back to the chessboard. “I believe if I do this…” he said, moving a knight to the top level, “I will have to say ‘check.’”

Chapter Text

“As your captain, I’m responsible for you, Commander. You will tell me what’s wrong before I have to make it an order!”

—

“Are you going to be back on duty tomorrow?” Kirk asked.

“Indeed,” Spock said, forcefully keeping his stoic mask in place.

“Wonderful!” Kirk said with an exaggerated smile. “In the meantime, you can tell me what’s got you so tense.”

While it was not unusual for Spock to spend upwards of several days in the labs, even he had to admit that his determination to find the cure for xenopolycythemia in the Fabrini archives had been particularly focused. Learning of McCoy’s terminal illness and watching his attempt to leave the Enterprise for a doomed non-planet had not been pleasant, and illogical as it was, Spock could not deny the bright streak of determined hope that had flared up when he realized that the Fabrini archives could have the cure. In the week that followed, Spock spent every off-duty moment on a single-minded hunt through extensive data in a dead language.

He found the cure a couple hours into gamma shift, and by the time Kirk came by to bring him to the bridge for alpha shift, Spock was well into synthesizing it for McCoy’s dosage. “Captain, permission to be excused from duty today,” he requested as soon as he heard Kirk enter. It was granted, but not without a long, curious stare.

Spock ended up taking an additional two days off, which he cited as shore leave, but he spent none of that time resting. He worked in Sickbay constantly, hovering over Chapel and M’Benga’s shoulders as they took McCoy’s readings to make sure he was improving. McCoy called him “unnervingly present” more than once.

It was on the evening of the second day, after Spock retired to his quarters to meditate, that Kirk confronted him.

“Are you referring to my quite logical concern that the Enterprise would lose its chief medical officer to a previously incurable disease?”

“Oh, so that’s how you’re putting this?” Kirk said, an amused but determined expression on his face. “Yes, that’s what I’m referring to. But that’s not how I would describe it.”

Typically, McCoy was the one nitpicking Spock’s phrasing while Kirk let it pass with a small laugh that showed he knew exactly what Spock was doing. Evidently, though, Kirk wasn’t going to let Spock get away with this one. That wouldn’t stop Spock from trying, though.

“While Doctor M’Benga would be a suitable chief medical officer, we would be unlikely to find anyone who could fully replace Doctor McCoy. He is particularly skilled in his profession.” Spock said. “I’m sure you’re aware that I have a great deal of respect for Doctor McCoy despite our typical behaviors.”

“Oh, I know exactly how you two feel about each other,” Kirk said with a glint in his eye. “But this? This was a lot. We’re not scheduled to stop at a Starbase for two months, and xenopolycythemia is a slow-onset disease. Once you’d decoded the cure, the chances that we’d actually lose him became fairly low. There was no need for you to constantly monitor him when Chapel and M’Benga were doing that just fine on their own. Even for an illogical human, that would be considered an extreme reaction.”

“Perhaps my frequent discourse with one has had residual effects,” Spock said, keeping his tone even.

“Or perhaps there’s something else going on.”

“Your statement is simultaneously vague and presumptuous.”

“Not ‘incorrect,’ Spock?” Kirk said. “You certainly have no trouble telling me when I’m wrong. Am I?”

Spock kept his gaze level. “There is nothing ‘going on,’ as you put it, Captain.”

“So something already happened,” Kirk said, “or something’s going to happen, or might happen, and it’s made you overly fixated on McCoy’s disease.”

There were occasions where Spock was reminded of Kirk’s ability to wield logic just as readily as Spock would. They always left Spock impressed and, in a way, proud of his captain’s versatile skillset. The occasions when logic was wielded against Spock, however, were less impressive and more… bothersome.

“What happened, Spock?”

“You do not need to be concerned.”

“That’s not what I asked,” Kirk said, voice slightly raised. “And I’ll be the judge of that. Even if it doesn’t concern my ship, it concerns my first officer. As your captain, I’m responsible for you, Commander. You will tell me what’s wrong before I have to make it an order.”

Despite how much Spock valued his privacy, he would admit just about anything before he disobeyed a direct order from the captain, and by the look on Kirk’s face, he knew it. He gave Spock a stern look, as though daring him to keep being so cagey. Spock kept his eyes on Kirk, but said only, “Your concern is unnecessary. My behavior is based on emotion, which I will manage through meditation.”

“Tell me,” Kirk said. “That’s an order, Mr. Spock.”

—

“Doctor,” Spock said, “may I speak to you for a moment?”

Following his conversation with Kirk, Spock meditated overnight, which gave him time to recenter himself. During his shift, he kept a close eye on the captain, who showed no significant changes in behavior. Even so, Spock couldn’t let go of the concern weighing on him. So, he approached McCoy.

“Spock,” McCoy said, annoyed, “I’m fine. I’ve been monitoring myself for any further side effects, and there aren’t any. Nurse Chapel will look me over tonight as a final precaution, but your miracle cure worked. There’s no need for you to fuss over me.”

“That wasn’t the topic I wished to discuss.”

“Oh? By all means, then.”

Spock stood up a bit straighter. “You are undoubtedly aware that the captain places a great deal of importance on a set of principles related to his captaincy and the way he uses the benefits of his position.”

“Don’t I know it,” McCoy said. “I assume he told you about the squabble we had while you had Margonian fever. ‘I don’t take precedence over my crew, Bones! I can’t take any life-saving medication until we have enough for everyone!’ Stubborn bastard.”

“Indeed. Even in dangerous situations, or rather, especially in dangerous situations, the captain would be hard-pressed to abandon his principles. One of these is a staunch insistence that he will not use his rank for personal gain.”

At this, McCoy sat upright, his expression changing. “Are you trying to say that he did use his rank for personal gain? That doesn’t seem like him at all.”

“I did not think,” Spock said, “that the captain would go against this principle. Evidently, this was a false assumption.”

“Now wait a minute,” McCoy said. “I don’t know what happened, but I do know that Jim wouldn’t do something like that. His morals matter to him more’n anything. There’s nothing in this entire galaxy that would make him go back on them.”

“That is why I came to you, Doctor. I believe that it’s possible that there is something affecting the captain. I came to ask you if you had noticed any changes in his behavior that could be indicative of such an impairment.”

“Now, wait another minute,” McCoy said. “Now you’re jumping to conclusions. Surely one instance can’t make you think that Jim is impaired?”

“The captain was once replaced with an android, and the only indication we were given of the situation was a change in behavior directed towards me. In every other way, the android captain was able to replicate the human’s behavior. My observations have shown no other indications, but with such a stark change in his core principles, it would be illogical not to consider the possibility that something similar has happened.”

“Consider it, sure. But you’ve only spotted one instance of change in behavior,” McCoy said. “Could just be a big misunderstanding. Let’s first consider whether Jim even broke any principles. Tell me what happened.”

Spock paused, but soon acquiesced, placed his hands behind his back as he spoke. “The captain noticed some changes in my behavior that he deemed unusual.”

“You mean your hovering? He wasn’t the only one. You’ve never taken shore leave for anything other than the visit to Vulcan. He was pretty worried,” McCoy said. “I don’t need the explanation. Jim filled me in.”

Spock had admitted to Kirk that McCoy had been the third in a line of medical scares for Spock, following his father’s heart surgery before the Babel conference and his mother’s pulmonary chemotherapy, which she had only just recovered from. Being faced with the mortality of the people he cared about had been a startling reality check that he struggled to manage with meditation, even though all three had survived and fully recovered. Spock could not imagine how McCoy may have reacted to the explanation. Kirk had, once again, seen Spock’s preferred course of action and taken it onto himself to execute it.

“Regardless, I told the captain that his observations were correct but did not warrant his concern. He continued to press the matter, repeatedly making requests and eventually threatening to make them into an order, which I would, of course, have to follow. When I continued to refuse…”

“…he made the order.” McCoy finished.

Spock nodded solemnly. “Indeed, Doctor. Undeniably, this behavior is most unusual for our captain.”

McCoy made a sound halfway between a scoff and a laugh. “No, it isn’t.”

Spock paused, baffled. “Doctor, you agreed that he has a fervent dedication to keeping his own powers as captain in check. Surely you can see-”

“He won’t use his rank for personal gain, sure. But that’s not what he did, Spock,” McCoy said. “He was worried about you. He pulled rank on you to get you to tell him what’s wrong because he wanted to help you. It wasn’t for his benefit, it was for yours.”

Spock considered this. It did seem typical for Kirk to worry about his crew, he supposed. Additionally, Kirk considered them close friends, and it was even more typical for Kirk to worry about his friends. In fact, he often took it to an extent that surprised Spock.

“Your reasoning is unusually sound in this case, Doctor. I am given no choice but to admit that you may be correct.”

“You’re welcome,” McCoy teased. “I should know. He’s certainly pulled that trick on me enough times.”

“He places great importance on his principles, but he places an even higher importance on his friends. That is highly admirable.”

“If it were me, you’d call it highly illogical.”

“Indeed, Doctor,” Spock said, raising an eyebrow. “You are.”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “Get out of my office. And Spock…” He stood up, setting one hand on the surface of his desk. “If you see Jim, tell him I’ll be alright.”

Spock nodded. “Understood, Doctor.”

Chapter Text

“In the captain’s absence, Doctor, I trust you will respect the chain of command and stay on board until further notice.”

—

Sometime, McCoy would have to get Spock to calculate the exact odds of the Enterprise going on all the wild adventures that they’d been on since the start of their five-year mission, because frankly, it all seemed very improbable.

This time, Kirk and a landing party went down to a planet called Drahlin that had sent out a non-urgent request for assistance. Unbeknownst to them, the government that had sent the signal had since been overthrown by a violent rebellion, which didn’t take kindly to a Federation officer in their midst. They’d taken the whole landing party captive and demanded the Enterprise itself as ransom for their safety. Almost immediately, however, they received another transmission saying that Kirk had negotiated for the rest of the landing party’s release. It didn’t specify what Kirk had offered in return, but it did contain a brief message from Kirk assuring them of his well-being and safety and warning them against any attempted rescue.

McCoy had packed a medkit as soon as he heard about the situation, running through potential injuries and their remedies in his mind. Once he deemed himself prepared, he ran down to the transporter room as fast as he could.

When the door opened, he was struck with the sudden sound of the argument between Spock and Scotty in the transporter room. Scotty looked concerned, but Spock looked as steadfast as ever. The poor ensign at the transporter’s control panel looked extremely uncomfortable.

“I don’t know about this, Commander. Uhura can only keep ‘em distracted for so long. They’re bound to notice you, sir, and when they do, you’ll want a security detail.”

“Mr. Scott, please proceed to the bridge. You will need to take command while the captain and I are planetside.”

“Aye, I will. But think about it, Commander. I really don’t think you should be going down there alone.”

“Don’t tell me you’re trying to leave me behind, Spock,” McCoy said, half-joking. As soon as he said it, though, he realized that he hadn’t gotten a comm from the bridge; he’d only been alerted to the situation at all because half the landing party had a scratch or bruise to be healed, and then he’d talked to Uhura for more details. Spock never called for him. Scotty, upon seeing McCoy readying for a confrontation with Spock, fled the transporter room. The ensign looked like she would do anything to be able to follow.

“Your abilities are needed here, Doctor. The landing party sustained multiple injuries that should be attended to. I will attempt to rescue the captain on my own.”

“That’s the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard from you!” McCoy half shouted. “I saw the landing party, they’re barely injured. My staff can handle them well enough. Jim’s in trouble. He’ll need a doctor as soon as we can get to him.”

“We received assurances of his health and safety from the captain himself.”

“Even if that wasn’t said under duress, Jim wouldn’t report on his injuries right before telling us not to go down there. I know you’re smart enough to know that.”

Spock paused. “It is the most logical course of action for you to-”

“Oh, don’t even try that right now. If you had a logical reason for all this, you would have said so in the first place instead of trying that ‘Your abilities are needed here’ and ‘We received assurances of his health’ nonsense,” McCoy said. “I may be an emotional, illogical, red-blooded human, Spock, but I’m not an idiot.”

“I don’t suppose you are, Doctor. However, you seem to lack the sense to stay on the ship when I tell you to.”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “Alright, Spock. Look me in the eye and tell me that Jim will be safer if I stay onboard. Give me the exact probabilities if you have them. Do that, and I’ll stay here.”

Spock’s expression went even stiffer as he stepped onto the transporter pad. “In the captain’s absence, Doctor, I trust you will respect the chain of command,” he said, not breaking eye contact with McCoy, “and stay on board until further notice.”

McCoy gritted his teeth. “Do Vulcans have to learn that kind of audacity, or are you born with it?”

“Stand by, Ensign.” Spock said. “Doctor McCoy, your question is irrelevant to the situation at hand. Please return to Sickbay and prepare for the captain and I to return.”

“It was rhetorical, you computer!”

“Ensign, please beam me down.”

The ensign hesitated, glancing nervously towards McCoy, who looked seconds away from boiling over. Spock kept his emotionless gaze locked onto the doctor.

“Fine!” McCoy shouted, throwing his hands up. “Get yourself killed down on that planet, and see if I care! But if we don’t get Jim back because of your harebrained nonsense, I’ll come down there and kill you myself!” He turned on his heel and stormed out, wishing that the transporter room had a traditional swinging door so he could slam it shut.

Spock closed his eyes and let out the breath he had been holding.

—

“That goddamn green-blooded pointy-eared hobgoblin has gotten on my nerves.” McCoy said to Kirk, who sat across the table. Both held half-full glasses of bourbon, but McCoy was on his third while Kirk had just started his second. Kirk had insisted on a drink to celebrate the fact that he could return to duty tomorrow, but McCoy suspected it was mostly to spend time with his friend.

“Really? Next you’ll tell me that Scotty’s been hanging around the engineering department,” Kirk replied, a smug look on his face.

“Very funny,” McCoy grumbled. “He doesn’t need to get all uppity with me just because I don’t have every Starfleet regulation memorized. He’s been a real nuisance recently. I thought maybe he’d ease up after the nonsense he pulled on me while you were captured.”

A few hours after he’d beamed down alone, Spock returned with Kirk’s bare arm slung over his shoulder, his shirt having been inexplicably torn open again. Kirk was bloodied, bruised, and sporting a broken leg, but Spock was completely unharmed. Kirk was quick to assure McCoy that all of his injuries occurred prior to his rescue, and even the broken leg was quick work with 23rd century medicine, but McCoy still took him off-duty for two days. Kirk spent most of that time in the rec rooms and cafeteria chatting with various crew members.

Spock, on the other hand, retreated from any social activity. After a mandatory check-in with Dr. M’Benga, Spock spent all of his off-duty time for the next two days in his quarters. The few times McCoy talked with him on the bridge, Spock seemed almost eager to pick an argument. This annoyed McCoy, and though he didn’t really want to admit it, unsettled him.

“Now, this’ll be one hell of a story. What did he do?”

“Oh, you should’ve heard him, Jim. We’ve just beamed up the rest of the landing party, not completely unscathed but only barely injured, and you’re still trapped down there. He pulls rank on me to make me stay on the ship, then I find out that he knew it could be a trap!” McCoy said. “He was real smug about it, too. ‘I trust you will respect the chain of command,’ as though he wasn’t needlessly risking his own neck. Couldn’t even justify it with all that ‘logical’ nonsense. He had to pull rank on me, or I never would have let him go without me!”

“I’m surprised you didn’t chide him after we got back onto the ship,” Kirk said. “You certainly yelled at me for long enough.”

“Don’t even get me started on you. You offered to let them break your leg in exchange for letting the others go. What kind of strategy is that?”

“Let’s not exaggerate here. I offered to let them sprain my ankle, then engaged in negotiation,” Kirk said, as though the distinction mattered. “They broke my leg, I saved my crew. I don’t see an issue.”

Kirk had convinced the rebellion to let the landing party go by offering his surrender, which he ensured with a debilitating injury. He also agreed to tell his crew to remain on the ship—not that they would listen, since he didn’t make it an order. Kirk had enthusiastically described his clever plan to McCoy, who proceeded to yell at him for half an hour while treating him.

“You’re a damn fool sometimes, Jim.”

“C’mon, Bones! It worked, didn’t it? The others got out without any major injuries,” Kirk said, withering only a little under McCoy’s death glare. “But this is what I’m talking about. You certainly don’t have any issue telling me exactly why I’m a damn fool sometimes. Why didn’t you do it to Spock?”

“I tried,” said McCoy. “He just said, ‘I safely returned the captain, Doctor’ and walked away.”

“And that worked? That never works when I do it! It didn’t even work when I did it just now!”

“He didn’t get hurt. As much as I dislike the decisions he made, he got both of you back safely. He even set you up with a splint for your leg so it wouldn’t get jostled too much while he carried you,” McCoy said. “I care more about that than Spock leaving me behind, y’know. Your safety was the most important thing.”

“Aww,” Kirk said, “you do love me!”

“Don’t make me take it back,” McCoy grumbled. “Point is, if you would have been safer with just Spock going after you, I would have done it without complaint.”

Kirk made a disbelieving noise.

“I would have done it willingly. But the only reason Spock had to make it into an order was because he couldn’t justify it. He tried to tell me that I was needed here, then that you were safe on Drahlin, and I know he didn’t believe either of those. So I asked him if it was for your safety, and he just made it an order without answering,” McCoy said. “You know Spock, he always has a reason, and normally he has no trouble saying so. I just can’t figure out why he wanted me to stay behind that he’d make it an order before explaining himself.”

“Maybe he was trying to keep you safe,” Kirk said, taking a sip of bourbon.

McCoy scoffed. “Don’t be absurd.” But even as he said it, the gears in his head started turning, and things started clicking into place. “No.”

“You said he knew it was a trap.”

“He knew it could be a trap.”

“And you said that he had to order you to stay, or you never would have let him go without you.”

“I wouldn’t’ve!”

“Because my safety was ‘the most important thing,’” Kirk said. “You would’ve insisted on coming along even if it compromised your safety.”

“Obviously,” McCoy said. “Much as you piss me off, Jim, I like having you around. You’re not just the captain; you’re my friend.”

“And you’re Spock’s friend.”

“Don’t even say that,” McCoy said. “Have you heard him the last couple days? Seems like he can hardly be in the same room as me.”

“Because he starts petty arguments with you? That’s what you two do,” Kirk said. “He’s probably just trying to go back to normal. Either that, or he’s trying to hide how much he cares about you.”

“Now you’re just making things up,” McCoy said, rolling his eyes. “If all that was about my safety, it was because he figured you really were injured and would need your CMO available to fix you up when you got back.”

“He would’ve just told you that,” said Kirk, looking more smug by the second. “And if it were for my sake, you would’ve listened. But you wouldn’t have listened if the reason was your safety.”

McCoy sputtered, searching for the flaw in Kirk’s argument. There had to be one, after all. He couldn’t be right.

“And for that matter, it sounds like you were pretty worried about him, too.”

“Mind your business,” McCoy said dryly. Kirk’s eyebrows shot up.

“I’m not hearing a ‘no,’” Kirk said. “You were worried!”

“About my reckless captain, sure, and regretting every second of it.”

“About Spock, you stubborn-!” Kirk tossed his hands up. “Why do I even bother with you two?” he asked, his tone unmistakably fond.

“I ask myself the same question every day,” McCoy said, taking a sip of bourbon. “Most of the time, the answer is, ‘someone’s gotta keep those two alive.’”

“A noble endeavor,” Kirk said, raising his glass. “To staying alive?”

McCoy nodded. “To staying alive.”

Chapter Text

The main reason that McCoy didn’t drag Kirk to Sickbay as soon as they beamed up after the incident with the Vians was that he’d already checked Kirk over after Gem healed him. The secret, secondary reason was that he knew if he tried, Kirk would sic Chapel on him. Based on the glances he was throwing at McCoy in the transporter room, which were likely intended to be subtle and very much weren’t, Kirk was trying to estimate the probability that he could sic Chapel on him without ending up getting examined himself, and Spock was glancing between them as though he was assessing whether his Vulcan strength would be enough to drag them both to Sickbay. McCoy wasn’t really in the mood to deal with them. He made a vague excuse about paperwork and left the transporter room at a pace just below fleeing.

Of course, he couldn’t avoid Kirk and Spock forever. After the incident on Drahlin, the two had admitted feelings for each other and started a relationship, which gave McCoy a bit more time while they checked in with each other, but they cornered him in his quarters within the hour.

“You’re in big trouble, Doctor,” Kirk said with an attempt at a light tone that still had a serious edge to it.

“Figures,” McCoy said. “Let’s get this over with.” He downed the rest of his glass of brandy, then stood across from Kirk and Spock with his arms crossed.

“What you did down there was not okay. There’s no way around that. That’s not the kind of behavior that I condone on my ship,” Kirk said.

“Oh, isn’t it?” McCoy said. Spock raised a precise eyebrow, and Kirk’s carefully neutral expression turned into a hard glare.

“It isn’t. I won’t allow it.”

“Do something about it, Captain, or get off my back,” McCoy said. “You can talk on and on about how you don’t like it and won’t allow it, but it won’t mean a thing if you won’t do anything about it.” At Kirk’s determined but unsure look, he added, “I’ll check in with Christine tomorrow morning before my shift. Right now, I’m tired.”

“You’re not working tomorrow. As captain, I’m giving you a day off to recover.”

On a different day, he would have argued more, but after the adventure with the Vians, he was frankly grateful for the time off. “Fine. But as CMO, I’m taking you off duty for the same length of time. Spock can hold down the fort for that time, right?”

“Indeed, Doctor,” Spock said.

“Spock, you’re supposed to be on my side,” Kirk said. Spock just gave him a blank look. Even being in the galaxy’s most stable relationship didn’t make them immune to disagreement, McCoy supposed. The thought didn’t make him feel better.

“Great. That’s settled. Off you two go now,” McCoy said, waving his hand dismissively.

“We’re not done here. We have to talk about you.”

“Fine,” McCoy said. “Lay it on me, Jim. What are you going to do?”

“The point of talking to you is so we can avoid having to do anything drastic.”

“Would you prefer punishment via due process, Doctor?” Spock said, expression neutral and stance in parade rest. “Assaulting a fellow officer is a court martial offense.”

“Then give me a formal reprimand. Court martial me, if it matters so much to you. Otherwise, get off my back.”

Spock started to reply, but Kirk stopped him with a hand. “Not now. Don’t antagonize him.”

“I’m right here, y’know.”

Kirk sighed and turned back to McCoy. “Look, Bones, I don’t want to make this into a battle of regulations. None of us want to deal with the red tape. But I don’t like what you did down there, and I want to make it clear that you are never to try anything like it again.”

“What, sedating you? You won’t like that the next time you get yourself torn up on some away mission and I have to bring you in for emergency surgery.”

“Doctor-” Spock said, but Kirk didn’t let him get any farther.

“I meant sacrificing yourself for our sake!”

“Oh, right, of course. That’s your job, isn’t it? It was your lucky day when the Vians offered to run their tests on you and let us go. You didn’t have to think about it for a single second before you sent us on our way and let them take you to the labs! You’re a damn hypocrite, Jim.”

Kirk took a deep breath, readying himself for a shouting match, but Spock interrupted him. “I have to agree with the doctor, Captain. Your actions on the planet, while admirable, were not advisable. You have repeatedly stated an intention not to use your rank arbitrarily, and yet, you ordered us to go back to the ship without you, removing our agency in the situation.”

Kirk narrowed his eyes, turning his focus on Spock. But now, McCoy interrupted him. “Oh, don’t even get me started on you.” McCoy said, rounding on Spock. “You wanna talk about pulling rank to get your way? ‘While the captain is asleep, I am in command, and I choose myself.’ How’s that for agency?”

“You have previously proven to be difficult when presented with reasoning.”

“Reasoning? By all means, Spock, present me with your reasoning for choosing yourself for their experiments. You know just as well as I do that I was the logical choice!” McCoy said. “This is just the Drahlin situation all over again. You’re damn lucky I’m cleverer than you thought.”

“I would not consider myself ‘damn lucky’ to be on the receiving end of a sedative hypo, Doctor, and I maintain that you should not have taken that course of action.”

“I’m not asking, Spock!”

“Gentlemen, enough!” Kirk half-shouted. “As you know, the safety of my crew comes first and foremost, and that includes both of you. Now, I admire your resolve to keep the other safe in a highly unusual situation, but that cannot come at the price of your own safety. Is that clear?”

“To borrow a phrase from our good doctor, Captain, you are ‘a damn hypocrite.’”

Kirk tossed his arms up in frustration.

“Look, Jim, out of the three of us, I’m the most expendable and you know it. The ship needs its captain and first officer, but I’m not the only doctor here,” McCoy said. “It’s actually quite logical when you think about it.”

Spock started to say something, but Kirk’s face went dark with barely contained fury, and Spock wisely closed his mouth and backed away a couple steps. McCoy braced himself as Kirk’s hands curled into shaking fists.

“Bones,” he said, “you are not expendable.”

“I didn’t say-”

“And you are not any more expendable than I am. I’m not any more important than anyone else on this ship just because I’m the captain.” He took a deep breath, and the venom faded from his voice. “But I’m not mad about that, because I know now what you mean when you say that. And I can’t find it in myself to be mad at you for wanting to keep Spock and I safe.”

Spock’s gaze snapped to McCoy, who looked away. “That’s all I was trying to do, Jim. It’s all I’m ever trying to do.”

“Captain,” Spock said hesitantly, “would I be correct in my assumption that you had similar reasoning behind ordering the doctor and I to go back to the ship without you?”

“Well, yeah,” Kirk replied. “You were right earlier, Bones. It felt like my lucky day when the Vians offered to let you go. I didn’t care if they experimented on me as long as they didn’t hurt either of you. Which, of course, only made it that much worse when they put you back in that cell.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Jim. You couldn’t have known.”

“I shouldn't have trusted them,” he said. “But I don’t regret trying to save you two. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. So I understand what you did, Bones.”

McCoy nodded. “And I suppose the way you were ignoring logic to put yourself in harm’s way means that you were trying to keep me off their operating table, too,” he said, waving a hand towards Spock. “So I’ll thank you for that. And for saving me even after I sedated you.”

“Doctor, I would not have left you behind under any circumstances,” Spock said. “As the captain said, you are not expendable.”

McCoy looked away. “I never said that. All I said is that you two are less expendable than I am.”

“Thus implying that you have some level of expendability,” Kirk said.

“No, implying that you two have some level of importance,” McCoy snapped. “The ship needs both of you. More than that, you need each other. Don’t pretend, Jim, I know who you would’ve chosen if I hadn’t knocked you out back there. I just didn’t want you to have to say it.”

Kirk and Spock looked at each other, then back at McCoy, then back at each other, communicating in that silent way that only they could. They may not have bonded, but they were very good at reading each other’s expressions, no matter how minute.

“Your attempt at logic is misguided,” Spock said. “According to your reasoning, every person is inherently expendable and expendability is reduced by necessity. This is a perspective that lies at odds with ones you have expressed in the past, such as when you refused to allow Gem to heal you at the cost of her death. If you believed in your own reasoning, you would have recognized your own abilities as a surgeon and position as chief medical officer as reductions to your expendability and accepted the attempt to save your life.”

“And we don’t need each other any more than we need you, Bones,” Kirk said. McCoy started to roll his eyes, but stopped when Kirk continued, “We need you in every sense of the word.”

McCoy looked between them, but their expressions didn’t explain anything. “What do you mean by that, Jim?”

“I mean that Spock and I have been talking these past couple weeks, and we’ve both noticed that our relationship isn’t everything that we want,” he said. “It’s missing something. It’s missing someone.”

“What the captain is trying to say is that we recently decided to ask you to join our relationship,” Spock said. “We had hoped for better circumstances, but this conversation has shown that you think of yourself as unnecessary and unwanted, in part because we are in a relationship without you. This is both untrue and unacceptable.”

“You don’t have to accept it if you don’t want to. But you can’t keep thinking that we don’t need you, that we don’t love you. You’re just as important to me as Spock is, and I’m sorry I ever let you think otherwise.”

McCoy took a small step backward. “You know I love you, Jim,” he said. “Spock too. But what you two have is special. There’s no reason to throw it off balance by bringing me into it.”

Kirk’s expression went stiff and serious. Behind him, Spock said, “I assure you, that would not be the case, Doctor.”

“We’re making this offer because we want you with us, Bones. You make us better, you make us happier. Our relationship would be even more special with you there,” Kirk said. “If you don’t want this, that’s fine. But don’t refuse for our sake.”

McCoy looked between Kirk’s pleading face and Spock’s calm expression. After a moment, he rested a hand on each of their shoulders.

“Well,” he said, letting a smile start to grow on his face, “someone’s gotta keep you two alive.”