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Chapter Text

Despite her generally happy upbringing and overall positive demeanor, Galinda Upland harbored a dark secret she could not share with anyone- even those closest to her. See, behind the curled tresses of golden hair and sugary pink lip gloss, there was a side of the popular girl that she refused to acknowledge publicly. Truly, Galinda didn’t want anyone to know it existed.

After all, she had worked very hard to make a name for herself- and more than her name, an identity to live by… sort of a figurehead, if you will. And being anything but bubbly and beautiful and positively perfectly popular had no room to fit in that identity, meaning that that dark secret of hers needed to be masked. Caked below foundation, blush, and super sparkly highlight, a part of Galinda lived silently. No one needed to know about it, least of all those closest to her. Galinda Upland wanted desperately to be liked, and nothing about this side of her contributed to that goal.

Which is exactly why she buried her further and further down, caging herself within her ribcage to wait for the nights her roommate spent couped up in the library studying until they kicked her out. Thankfully for that part of her, that seemed to be the case tonight.

Galinda sighed as she looked at the clock, the ever-ticking hands marking that it was a little past midnight. The library didn’t close until three, and she knew based on experience that her roomie likely wouldn’t be back until at least 3:15, meaning she had about 3 hours to herself in the room to sulk in her own pity, alone to the world.

Despite having a great night, having gone out with Fiyero and Shenshen and Pfanne, she couldn’t tame the hollowed-out hole she felt sinking through her chest. Perhaps she had one too many at the bar, or maybe tonight was just a fluke, but now that she was left alone in her room to sober up, she couldn’t help but feel her mask shift.

This wasn’t unusual for the blonde, though. She felt kind of like a stage performer, in all honesty. When the spotlight was on her, she shimmered and wooed any crowd she was in front of, her face painted and unblemished. Yet, when she went backstage, removing her makeup in the dim Hollywood mirror, she couldn’t recognize herself. Her raw, natural skin foreign to her, her brain too used to the persona she made up. That’s at least how she felt tonight, halfway stumbling over to her vanity to take a look at the damage her drunken self had done to the perfectly polished look she went out with.

Staring at her face in the mirror, Galinda saw nearly everything she had worked so hard to hide. Her lip gloss was smudged, smeared down the side of her face (undoubtedly after the sloppy kiss she’d shared with Fiyero), the concealer under her eyes worn away. She could see the depth of the bags under her eyes, weighing down her youthful glow and replacing it with a hollowed-out emptiness. At least her lashes and mascara were still intact, though it didn’t matter much seeing how her eyes were equally hollow and empty.

It wasn’t that she looked a mess that upset her; a hot mess is still hot. No, it was the way her mask slipped down her face that felt like a weight in her stomach. Hopefully, she thought to herself, she looked better when the booze in her system was still fresh.

She at least felt better then. When the roar of the party surrounded her, and every eye in the room caught hers. The attention she received wasn’t unwarranted or unwanted. But now, without it, Galinda doesn’t really know what she needs.

Grabbing the bottle of makeup remover and a cotton pad, the blonde got to work wiping off what was left of her going-out look. It didn’t take much, seeing as it was already in a state of disarray. Despite the care and time she took into making sure no concealer clung to her face, Galinda honestly didn’t want to take her makeup off. If she had it her way, she would be rotting in her bed right now, still reeking of booze and sweat and the drunk cigarette Pfanne had convinced her to try. Yet, when she looked away from the vanity and towards her loving bed, all she could hear was her mother’s voice in her head.

“An Upland takes pride in herself, Galinda”, Momsie had once told her after her first fight with friends, “Come now, out of bed. You need to fix yourself up and look right. You’ll never find a proper suitor with yesterday’s makeup smudged on your cheeks- and what’s with your hair? Did you even brush it last night??,” she chided. “You know the first rule of being beautiful is having discipline.” Galinda was plenty good enough at reading people to pick up on the silent but pressing implication: she was only wanted if she was beautiful.

Which is why she now sat, head and heart full of lead, as she brushed through her hair.

On nights like these, she likes to imagine herself as a child she needs to care for. A sweet, innocent being deserving of unwavering love and tenderness. That’s what she thinks of as she gently works through the knots and tangles, resisting the urge to yank or tug at any unruly parts. She wouldn’t hurt herself. At least not like that. Not in a way that showed.

That wasn’t to say Galinda never took her frustrations out on herself. In fact, that was a part of the secret she hid so well from the world. Galinda hated how she felt without the mask- hated the static buzz that seemed to ring through her core with emotions she didn’t have words to describe. It was horrindable.

Yet she had discovered a way to make it stop or at least numb it out. Instead of feeling like her heart was going to burst or what felt like lava coursing through her veins, the girl discovered she could do something to make it feel more like she had just taken a nighttime dose of cold medicine instead. That something wasn’t anything to be proud of, but it was hidden easily enough, so, really what was the harm?

The Blonde remembers discovering this trick when she sat at her vanity at 13, head and heart swimming with the sensations she now knows all too well. She had this little razor meant for grooming her eyebrows while the normal beautician she saw was out on maternity leave. Her eyes were unfocused, her grip loose around the tool. One minute, she could feel the ringing of meaningless static on her skin. The next, all she felt was the sting of the blade accidentally meeting skin a bit above her eyebrow. She had nicked herself with the dermaplanner, but the physical sensation of it drowned out the stormy sea in her head. It wasn’t the same as when she was fully herself, though the slight sting from the razor was an acceptable feeling over the way her mind dully clawed at her.

From that day on, it only got worse. She had, for the longest time, tried to avoid hurting herself, not being one for marked skin or blood. But in due time, she crawled back to that same dermaplanner, knowing better than to mark her face again.

Her mother had flipped her lid when she saw the scratch, immediately rushing to cover it with ointment and balms that prevented the wound from scarring. Scars were unbecoming of a lady, as she knew.

Now, at 15, Galinda instead looked herself over in the mirror, wearing her most revealing outfit and finding expanses of skin that were still covered. She made a mental note of all those places in her mind. Her ribs, hips, and thighs seemed to be the best contenders for her new plan. She would soon learn from experience that her ribs were the easiest of the three.

She wishes she could say that this was some kind of childhood phase she grew out of, or that her parents caught what she was doing and got her proper help. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. In fact, the habit she made for herself as a young teen had clung to her, even coming with her to Shiz. She had only done it once or twice while she was here, so busy with her studies and newfound friends that she didn’t have the time or emotions most nights to need it. However, she knew tonight was different.

The blonde girl looked herself over one more time in her vanity, making sure she looked presentable for bed. She made sure to apply the thick, nightly moisturizing cream to her face, as well as slathering her lips with a softening mask. After ensuring no hair was out of place, she went over to her dresser and retrieved her pajamas for the night, a baby pink pointelle set with a lacy trim on both the tank top and shorts.

With her pajamas in hand, the girl sorted under her bed for the box she kept hidden. Inside it were several things- Condoms, Lube, Sex Toys- all the college girl classics. Amongst these items, there was a little pill case hidden as well, in the very back corner of the box. She retrieved it, duly returning the larger box to its usual cranny behind her bed skirt. With both items firmly in hand, she made her way back to the bathroom.

By this point, Galinda had crafted a system for how she did this. While there wasn’t some magical number or scientific formula to how many cuts it took to numb her out, the general trend was that anywhere from 5 to 10 usually did the trick. Of course, this number had grown since she was younger as her body adapted to the feeling and shock of what was being done to it. She had also moved beyond a little facial razor, instead using a formal razor blade.

Further, she had developed a system. Using a lighter (pink, of course), she prepped the blade to remove any bacteria from it. Then, she used an alcohol-soaked wipe on her skin to do the same to it. Then, she would press the blade to her skin, applying pressure as she dragged it down. Finally, she would reuse the alcohol wipe before applying the same ointment and salve her mother had used on her before, then bandaging it if need be. It was an efficient system- designed to keep the skin from scarring.

Despite this, razor-thin marks still adorned her skin in hues only slightly paler than her skin tone. Early on in this experiment, Galinda had set a rule for herself that she would have to wait for the last set of marks to fully heal before making any more. If she needed relief but there were current marks on her skin, then she would press into them or hit them if it was bad enough. Anything for it to go away.

As the Blonde removed the outfit she wore to the bars, she looked over the expanse of skin covering her ribs, making sure the most previous set of scars were settled and faded nicely into the skin. They had been, considering Galinda didn’t remember the last time she’d needed to do this off the top of her head. Regardless, now that that was out of the way, she could begin her routine.

Before she got into walking herself through the steps, she stopped, looking herself over in the large vanity mirror the bathroom had come with.

Galinda had always fallen on the skinny side, as thinness was strictly enforced by her momsie. Now, her ribs protruded slightly, showing with a ripple down her sides. She could also see where her sternum plated at the top of her chest, near where the collarbones met. To her, this was good. She had been trying to cut a few pounds, and while their dorm room didn’t have a scale (nor would her roommate likely allow one), her success was evident regardless. However, it didn’t matter, unfortunately.

Her supposed progress made no change to her own mood, despite how her momsie would likely approve.

With her head still swimming in metaphorical barbed wire, Galinda took to the little pink pill case that now sat on their marbled vanity countertop. Checking over her shoulder, she made sure the bathroom door was locked behind her before opening it, despite being alone.

If anyone, anyone at all, knew about this, Galinda could only imagine the consequences it would have. Not only would she be seen as some kind of pathetic freak to everyone, but it’s likely her momsie would catch wind of what had happened, in which case she could kiss any future she’s strived for goodbye. Therefore, no one could know.

After double- maybe even triple-checking the lock, Galinda finally opened the little case. Inside it, she’s made a small care kit for herself, including the two razor blades she currently owns, the lighter she uses to sterilize it, the ointment and salve she applies afterward, and a small vial of alcohol she uses to prep the skin with a cotton pad. The way the tin of the case pops open lights her veins with fire, her body trained to crave what happens next.

As she picks one of the two identical blades from the box, she feels herself release a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Her opposite hand trembles around the lighter, struggling to strike it the first two times before it comes alight. Careful not to burn her nails (out of fear for the smell alone), she drags the blade over the small flame a few times, ensuring the entire surface is lapped at by its warmth.

After carefully sterilizing her blade, she sets the lighter down to grab the bottle of alcohol. Galinda sometimes wished that it was something more suitable to drink if needed. Both fortunately and unfortunately, she had purchased the most potent, medical grade solution, unsuitable for consumption. She couldn’t afford not to, as an infection that required medical attention would not only force her to tell someone but would likely also leave a much nastier scar.

A part of the emotional aspect of this was the buildup. Knowing what was to come, it almost excited her when she allowed herself to do this, though she would never admit that to herself. To her point, it wasn’t the same sort of excitement one would feel while hanging out with friends or getting to go home for the first time in a while. The excitement Galinda felt when she let herself cut was more of an electric jolt of adrenaline, the type she could feel in her veins.

When her brain was hollow and static, that jolt always seemed to wake her up, acting as some minor sign of life.

After she grabbed a cotton round and cleansed her skin, the coarse exfoliating side just lightly irritating tender flesh, she shifted the blade from her nondominant hand to her dominant. Neglecting the slight shake to her, she carefully lined the blade up to her ribs.

The blonde was somewhat trying to go over the marks already there, hoping to save a larger expanse of skin from being scarred. As she applied pressure to the flesh, she felt the sharp sting of relief starting to bud, blossoming as she slowly and carefully pulled down.

Galinda had seen movies and TV shows depicting cutting as something fast and aggressive, but to the blonde, being methodical mattered. It was like taking deep breaths, allowing her body the time to calm down. It was also a measure of maintaining control. If she was put together, she could save a bit more face (and skin in the process).

As the blood rose to the surface and beaded, the girl took a second to stare at herself in the mirror. Just seeing them was soothing, but the sensation they left did so much more to ground her than any other method she had tried- any healthy measure, that was.

Taking a shaky sigh of relief, the blonde took the alcohol-soaked round from before, gently wiping off the blade before returning it to its home in the pink pill case. She then took the pad over the freshly made wounds, hissing softly as the astringent did its job. The sting was always a nice addition, amplifying the feeling already there tenfold. After tossing the now bloodied cotton round, she moved on to the ointment she normally used.

After fully caring for her wounds, Galinda assessed them one last time to see if she would need bandages. The blood seemed to have stopped, ointment coating the wound in such a way that it was almost not permitted to leak anymore.

She would hate to waste Band-Aids on unneeded wounds, plus the trash could give her roommate some suspicion, so she neglected it. Instead, she sat atop the vanity, toes in the sink, as she allowed for the salves to settle into her skin for a bit.

Staring down at the golden sink fixtures, Galinda pondered how she had come to this. Needing a pick-me-up every now and then was one thing, but this…? This was a lot, even for her.

Regardless, the thought of reaching out for help or even having to admit this was a problem made her heart rate increase tenfold. So, instead, she would sit with it and let it fester. The growing twinge of anxiety she felt about spiraling out of control someday didn’t hold a candle to the shame and embarrassment that came with having to share this secret with anyone.

She knew full well this was something she would take to her grave. It wasn’t like anyone looked closely enough to see the scars after they healed, and with all the care she put into it, the cuts themselves weren’t around for very long. Further, it did work. She always felt better after doing this, always lost the numbness that trickled down her spine. Clearly, she was doing something right, then...

The Blonde didn’t register that she was crying until she felt the hot tears roll down her cheek and onto her knees.

With a small sniffle, she looked up at herself in the mirror, remembering she was still naked, her Pajamas sitting neglected on top of the closed toilet lid. Wiping her tears, she stood up to put them on. She didn’t know what time it was, but she did know she needed to put somewhat of a pep in her step.

Even though Elphie likely wouldn’t be home until late, Galinda knew she wasn’t done. After the numbness wore off, there was a brief period of relief, mixed with some anxiety and shame. Then, it was like the emotional floodgates were bursting through. She would prefer to be in bed by the time that happened, knowing full and well how debilitating it was.

Her pajama top rubbed nicely against the newly made wounds, sending another jolt of pain up her side as she pulled it down over her small frame. The bottoms didn’t give the same protest when pulled up but still sat nicely after being rolled to fit around her hips.

The blonde carefully brushed her teeth for two minutes, being sure to get all the nooks and crannies before flossing and using mouthwash. Her motions were methodical, almost mechanical, as she reverted to the mindset of caring for a child, shaking off the incoming tidal wave she knew was approaching. She was almost ready to embrace it, but before she could, she wanted to make sure she had everything she needed to not leave her bed. The idea was, she would likely cry herself out and then fall asleep, waking up the next morning feeling refreshed.

She left the bathroom with a cup filled with water to set at her bedside and a head full of a new category of thoughts she reserved for moments like these.

The post-cut slump often included allowing herself to feel the thoughts she wouldn’t typically entertain, including those about her worth or what she deserved. Tonight, alone in the silent pink glow, she felt those thoughts through her chest and stomach, clawing at the whole of her torso as she brought herself to her bed.

The child she pretended she cared for left for the night, only to be replaced with what was, in Galinda’s own opinion, a truly loathsome and horrible creature. Honestly, she only bothered with the bed at this point because if anyone saw her asleep on the floor, she would likely accidentally drag them into her mess. If she wasn’t so good at masking, hiding, and lying about her true self, then that wouldn’t be an issue.

Regardless, she had managed to doll herself up enough to distract people from the reality that she was horrible. If she wasn’t so good at the smoke and mirror show, she would likely be alone like this far, far more often. And for good reason, she believed.

In very little time, she felt the wet heat rolling down her cheeks again, followed by the inexplicable feeling of being unable to breathe. She sobbed. And sobbed. And sobbed until she really couldn’t breathe, gasping for air with ragged breaths that strained her throat.

This was the real Galinda.

A sad, pathetic mess of a young girl. Curled up on the bed only out of obligation for others as she shook and gasped and surrendered her body to the sobs that wracked through her bony core. This was what she needed to keep hidden from the world, so scared that if anyone but her saw this, she would never be loved by anyone again.

But truly, did she even deserve love, what with the way she behaved?

She was so self-centered and with so little to show for it… Sure, the school waited upon her with bated breath, but what did that matter when none of them truly liked her?

Yes, she was popular- big whoop. She wasn’t real.

On a better day, her brain would counter that thought with the knowledge that she certainly was real and that she put plenty of effort into becoming well-liked, and therefore, her status was valid. Tonight, she let herself shrink in the shame of being fraudulent, hot tears still clouding her vision as the sobs forced their way out of her chest again.

No one knew her, not the real her. They knew the mask she and her momsie had constructed for her; they knew the pretty-in-pink blondie with the perfect body and amazing hair and beautiful makeup. This wasn’t her. She was the lie made up to keep people from knowing the real her, a self-fulfilling prophecy in the end. The real Galinda was so sad and lonely. But she had to be sad and lonely. She deserved to be sad and lonely.

Galinda had often thought of herself- her real self- as unworthy of being loved.

She didn’t deserve to have her hair brushed through gently or all her makeup cleansed from her skin.

She deserved to rot in bed for days, deserved the searing pain in her ribs that came with each movement, each sob reminding her exactly what she did and exactly why no one could ever know.

No one wanted a burden, and deep down, Galinda felt that’s all she was.

Between the overwhelming rush of emotion and the forceful sobs, Galinda hadn’t heard the lock on their door turn. In fact, she didn’t notice anything until the door to their room groaned in protest as it was opened, her green roommate now staring down everything the blonde forbade anyone from seeing.

Chapter Text

“Shit,” she muttered softly to herself, brain foggily forcing itself to try and find a solution, an explanation or excuse to give to her now aghast roomie (who she totally wasn’t also in love with but that was another problem for a different mental break down). Unsurprisingly, nothing came to mind. Time seemed to stand still as she sat there, praying to God she’d turn and walk away and forget this ever happened, or better yet, fill in an excuse herself and leave Galinda to run with it.

Elphaba did neither of those things. Instead, she dropped her books at her desk and calmly walked over to her trembling roommate, as if she were approaching a wounded animal. Even through the layers of panic, Galinda loathed the look in her eyes, the way her black eyebrows knitted together in concern. Her green lips were pursed, slightly downturned.

“Galinda… What’s wrong...?” Elphaba asked, voice soft and smooth, yet clearly worried.

The Blonde just stared, still attempting to force her addled mind to come up with something that could save her ass here. It needed to be a good enough lie to work while keeping attention off of her.

“I um…,” she sniffled. “I fell.” A swallow. Galinda scanned over her legs as her brain searched for the second half of the tale she spun. “I hit my… my knee… it really hurts now.” She finally choked out, thankful her knee was bruised rather badly from hitting it against the bar on accident earlier.

The Blonde was hoping the older girl would accept that response, likely with a little chastising about how she needs to be more careful. That was expected. What wasn’t expected was her stepping closer to her, now mere feet away from her mess of a roommate.

“I see. Can I look it over? I’m used to giving first aid. I can probably get you settled for the night at the least,” Elphaba offered, trying to remember where in the bathroom they kept the first aid kit.

Galinda knew if she refused, she would likely draw more concern to her. She had an out, now, she just needed to take it. The best case scenario was she let Elphie patch her up, maybe kiss it better if she was lucky, and then they would both fall asleep and forget this ever happened. But all of that could only happen if she just went along with the story. She could Improv.

“Mm… Okay…” Galinda pouted, trying to play up her so-called injury, stiffening her leg and unbending it with a wince.

The older girl nodded, and with a small thank you, she busied herself with remembering where in the bathroom they had put the first aid kit.

As she searched, she noticed a small pink case sitting on the vanity. It was peculiar. Elphaba was usually very perceptive and knew everything she had seen in their room with some familiarity (probably from moving it back and forth every day their first week). However, she had never seen this little pill case. Through the somewhat opaque hard shell, she thought she could see the outlines of some bandages. Maybe it was a smaller first-aid kid? If Galinda had already gotten it out, it likely had something the older girl could use to help her.

Picking up the case, Elphaba fumbled for a second before the lid unsnapped, hinges opening to reveal just that. Bandages. Bandages and some medical alcohol, as well as some salves. That was promising, she thought to herself. She hadn’t seen the wound she was working within the full light yet, just her roommate’s pink nightlight, but she had noticed that it wasn’t bleeding. Maybe the blonde would want a sympathy bandaid, but they really should conserve these for when they were necessary. With that, she put them to the side in search of something more useful, perhaps a compression wrap.

Turning her attention back to the case, the older girl paused as she saw a metallic glint at the bottom of the box. It was odd, flat, and rectangular. She’d never seen anything like that in a first aid kit before. Moving the salves and alcohol aside, she thought maybe it was just a weirdly shaped pair of tweezers or even a small splint. However, when she saw the shape in its full, she nearly dropped the box in surprise.

Her stomach swam, the contents of it threatening to rise as she looked for an excuse as to why her roommate would have loose razor blades, let alone in a kit with bandages and ointments. As much as it pained her, one wasn’t coming to mind.

Elphaba shook as she put the case down, returning everything to its rightful spot within before shutting its horrible pink lid.

She still needed to find the actual first aid kit, though now she worried it wasn’t for just her knee. Shaking the sick feeling, she promised herself she would process this panic at a better time. Right now, she also needed to figure out how she was going to approach this, or if she even should. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe there was some misunderstanding, and this was all just some part of Galinda’s elaborate beauty routine, and she’d make a fool out of herself questioning it. But, then again, what if it wasn’t? What if the blonde really was hurting herself? In that case, what kind of roommate would she be if she didn’t at least address it?

The first aid kit was in the medicine cabinet above the toilet. Elphaba found it with relative ease after setting the smaller box aside. Not knowing what she was now getting into, she decided to just bring the whole thing. Best to leave its smaller counterpart where she found it, the older girl thought, worried about further triggering Galinda for the night.

The truth is, she had known the girl was unhappy for some time now. She’d been woken up once or twice by the sounds of hidden sobs from across their shared bedroom. She just didn’t quite know how to approach that subject. Lord knows no one ever did it for her. Still, she needed to do something to comfort her, even if she didn’t fully know what was going on.

As she emerged from the bathroom, first aid kit in hand, Elphaba took a second to try and fix her face. She was never good at masking her appearance, but the situation at hand now felt like diffusing a bomb. She still didn’t know what the hell to do about any of this, but she could at least try. For now, she was going to check out the knee and then maybe test the waters with how willing her roommate was to be vulnerable. She didn’t need her freaking out about any of this. Galinda was hardly rational when she was sound of mind some days.

Galinda glanced over as her roommate returned from the bathroom, masking her own face despite the tears still swelling. She had managed to quell the sobs with a firm press into her side, but the tears just wouldn’t stop coming.

It was okay, though; injured people cried all the time, she was sure. She watched as the older girl approached her, setting the first aid kit down with shaking hands. Galinda studied her for a second, looking through watery lenses at Elphie’s face and demeanor. She looked… paler… than she did when she first entered the room, as if she had seen a ghost. She seemed to tremble, and despite all the protests she had given her previously, Elphaba truly did look seasick now.

“Elphie...?” The blonde asked, knowing it was her turn to be concerned. “Are you okay...? You look, well, unwell.” She frowned. It was late at night, and she knew her roommate wasn’t sleeping, and honestly, she really just should have been watching the clock better-

“I…” The older girl swallowed, cutting off the blonde’s (spiraling) thoughts. Her word threatened to rise to the surface before she could vet them. “I think we need to talk about something important.”, she settled on. Her tone was even, forced to be calm, though her voice itself shook a little as she spoke.

Galinda paused. “Oh, Elphie, what’s wrong...?” she masked the panic in her own voice with concern, feeling almost dizzy as her heart rate spiked.

“Um…” Elphaba stopped herself. She was not about to accuse her ball-of-joy roommate of cutting herself just because she saw a kit that could allude to the practice. Again, she didn’t know what Galinda was doing with it or if it was even hers. She could have brought Pfanne and Shenshen back to the room, or Fiyero, or really anyone. The point was, she didn’t know, and it wasn’t like she had a smoking gun.

Baby steps, Thropp, she thought to herself before continuing. “I’m worried about you…,” she admitted, feeling both like she was about to get shot and that all the weight on her chest was being lifted. Fully expecting Galinda to interject, she paused, waiting. When silence filled the room, she continued.

“I Just… I don’t know. When I came in, you were sobbing like you were hurting emotionally… not physically- which is okay- I just-“ She cut herself off with a sigh, not trusting the word vomit she was about to produce. Instead, she took the younger girl’s cold, trembling hand into hers. “I care about you a lot, Galinda… you’re my best friend. I just want to make sure you’re alright…”

Galinda clung to the hand now entwined with hers, soothed by the motion of Elphie’s thumb gently rubbing the backside of her palm. Her mask felt like it was about to melt, the caged feeling that came before sobbing returning to her chest.

“Oh, Elphie…” She forced out, taking a soft breath before continuing. “I’m okay, just had a rough night is all…” She felt horrindable lying to the older girl but rationalized it with the thought of how much shit she would otherwise drag her undeserving roommate into. Elphaba wanted to comfort her, sure, but she didn’t need to make her charity feel like an obligation.

Elphaba nodded softly, squeezing her hand. “Do you want to talk about it…?” She asked, hoping her tone came off as concerned and not as if she was gathering evidence. Truly, that was on the back burner anyway.

The blonde, as expected, shook her head no. “I’m okay, Elphie. Just tired now…” She added, the statement was not technically a lie. The yawn that followed was not intentional but played to her argument nicely, regardless.

“Okay,” the older girl conceded despite her concern. “Is there anything you need from me?”

Galinda paused. She did want to be held, but she wouldn’t force that on her. The truth was, she loved Elphaba a little bit more than she thought friends should, felt drawn to her in a way she hadn’t with anyone else. Not even Fiyero.

She couldn’t tell her that, though.

If Elphaba knew her roommate was secretly pining for her, undoubtedly, she would go to the dean and get a room transfer, and it would all become just another thing Galinda had ruined for herself. Even though friends cuddle all the time, it didn’t feel fair to ask Elphaba about it without her knowing her underlying feelings. Instead, she just shook her head no, looking down at her feet.

“… Galinda..?” Elphaba brought her attention back one more time.

“M?” the blonde responded, looking up at the green eyes meeting hers.

“Would you let me stay in your bed with you...? Just for the night?” The older girl’s voice was lower, quieter. Galinda could hear the insecurity and vulnerability reverb through her own chest, frowning softly at the knowledge of how it felt. “I just want to make sure you’re okay… I want to comfort you…”

Galinda didn’t take her eyes off her roommate, even after Elphaba’s flitted down in embarrassment, cheeks growing dark as the blood rushed to them. She wanted her to stay. Wanted her so bad it ached through her core. But… she didn’t know if it was right for her to allow this, given the secret she sat on. She felt like enough of a creep just falling for the poor girl.

In the end, her exhaustion won out over her moral code, and she nodded softly, pulling away the covers.

The older girl didn’t speak as she moved, carefully slotting herself away beside the blonde.

Green hands wrapped gently around her roommate’s bony waist, pulling her close with surprising ease. Galinda leaned back softly, soothed in the comfort of her roommate’s admittedly very strong arms. She rolled over, burying her face into her toned shoulder, taking in the smell of lavender and patchouli that radiated from the older girl. She would have all day tomorrow to think about the ethics of snuggling her hot roommate. For now, she was exhausted.

Elphaba brought a hand up to her head, carefully combing through blonde tresses as she tucked her under her chin. She used her other hand to rub circles on the pink-clad girl’s back, hoping to lull her to sleep.

The truth is, Elphaba wishes she could do this every night. She wishes she could hold her roommate in her arms until all of the horrible thoughts and potential physical pains went away, and she was just putty. Just like she was now. Soft. Warm. Comfortable.

That’s all Elphaba ever wanted Galinda to be. She’d never felt this way about another person before, and her father would kill her if she brought home another girl, but she didn’t care. So long as Galinda was safe and happy, she’d go through hell backward. Even if that meant her never knowing how her roommate truly felt.

As Galinda settled into sleep, Elphaba continued to hold and soothe her. She took comfort in the soft snores coming from the blonde, knowing that she too was comfortable in her embrace.

She looked over her just to make sure she was in a position that wouldn’t crick her neck in the morning or leave her with some odd sore spot. As her eyes followed the curve of her hips up to the small of her waist, she felt her stomach churn once more.

Against pale, bony flesh along her ribs, there were small, razor-thin marks. Most of them were very light, just a hue above the blonde’s usual skin tone. But just above that, the skin was raw- Red, irritated flesh that was mostly covered by the hem of her tank top. Regardless, Elphaba could still see the ointment-slick deep red line of what looked to be a cut, peaking out just below the bottom of her top.

Unfortunately, that confirmed everything she needed to know.

Chapter Text

Despite how her lips curved into a frown and her stomach filled with worry, Elphaba couldn’t help feeling like a pervert for what she’d seen. Obviously, she wasn’t trying to violate her roommate’s privacy, and her tank top just happened to ride up enough for her to see what she did. Regardless, it made the older girl feel like she’d seen something she shouldn’t. She had seen something she shouldn’t.

She pulled down on the top until it covered the marks.

In the months she had gotten to know Galinda, she had learned very fast that the girl did not take kindly to not getting her way. If even something small was off, the blonde would flail and whine until it was fixed (by Galinda’s interpretation of the situation, of course). If Galinda didn’t want her roommate to know, which was the most likely case for Elphaba, then this would likely blow up. The thought of this leading to another cold war between the pair or even the idea that it would upset Galinda further made the older girl cringe softly. She knew she needed to be tactful now. But how, was the question?

While Galinda slept peacefully in her arms, clung tightly to her roommate like she would a teddy bear, Elphaba’s panicked conscience kept her wired all night. She supported the blonde, making sure her eyes did not flit too far down and continually pulling the pink fabric towards Galinda’s hips. All the while, the younger girl nuzzled into her deeper, pulling closer and closer in her sleep as if she were trying to crawl into her skin.

That also made Elphaba’s conscience flare. She felt a certain way about Galinda that she couldn’t quite name. It wasn’t loathing, that was for sure, but… it wasn’t unsimilar to loathing, either. Her pulse was still rushing every time she looked at the blonde, her heart seeming to skip beats. The feeling of her bony form, wrapped tightly in her arms, sent a warmth through Elphaba’s core. Was she scared? Yes. She didn’t know what was going to happen. She didn’t have a crystal ball to see into Galinda’s mind, and it wasn’t like the girl was exactly open about this side of her. Deep down, she even worried about how far gone Galinda was. She knew that self-harm could stand alone, but it could also be indicative of larger, heavier mental health issues. Even the ghost of the notion that Galinda could take her life was enough to scare Elphaba’s eyes into returning to the blonde’s ribs.

Swallowing, Elphaba gently removed one of her hands from its place around Galinda’s waist, careful not to wake her. She carefully untangled it from the mess of bodies and limbs intertwined, needing to have full motion. In her opposite arm, she continued to cradle the blonde’s sleeping form, adjusting her slightly so as to not irritate any potential wounds on the opposite side of her (though, Elphaba rationed, they would have hit the mattress anyways). As Elphaba scanned over the Blonde’s face, ensuring the younger girl was still sleeping, she felt the shake rattle through her green hands. What she was about to do would undoubtedly violate the younger girl’s privacy. She couldn’t promise herself that she was morally in the right here, or even if there were any ethics to her actions. Still, she couldn’t go without this knowledge. Was it invasive? Yes. But Elphaba needed to know exactly how deep her roommate’s self-harm habit ran, and she knew full well the blonde wouldn’t tell her. If anything, it was for her own good that the older girl knew.

Green skin met pink fabric as Elphaba carefully pinched the hem of the Blonde’s baby pink pointelle tank top. Careful to not reveal too much, Elphaba lifted the fabric off her skin and carefully moved it up, stopping before she reached the underside of the younger girl’s breasts. Her breath hitched, seeming to catch in her throat as she stared down at Galinda. Her entire side was covered in small scars, fully glossed over and healed. Over a good few of them, there were identical fresh cuts over the healed flesh, scabs topping the already-there scars. Elphaba felt her lip tremble as she looked her over, carefully counting out all the freshly made marks. Seven. The blonde had seven fresh marks, and God knows how many scarred ones on her ribs.

Not to mention the state of her ribs themselves. Elphaba had always known Galinda to run a little thinner than the average woman, but she never thought that her ribs would protrude from her side in such a way. She wasn’t one to judge or shame but, she looked unhealthy. Looking back, it had always appeared Galinda didn’t care too much about food. She was always picky about the dinner she ate, poking at it or taking small, uninterested bites. She’d eat a salad, nibble at the bread or pastry with it, and then go on with her night. It was sometimes a chore to get her to eat lunch.

Elphaba felt the muscles in her face contorting downwards again, sighing as she gently pulled the pink fabric back over the blonde’s ribs. She rearranged her arms again, holding her roommate tighter and closer. Despite her exhaustion, the thoughts racing through her head forbade her from sleeping. She needed a plan to address this with her roommate that didn’t make her look like a perv and didn’t upset or trigger Galinda further. She was going to handle this the way she did everything else. By researching the issue first, and then deciding what to do after she was educated on what was in front of her. The library at Shiz was massive, surely it had some content on self-harm. Maybe it also had a book or two on eating disorders- though Elphaba wasn’t sure that’s what her roommate was suffering from, or if she just happened to appear that way. Additional research would help her decide.

The older girl began devising a plan to research, mostly centered around her weekly schedule. Midterms were coming up, so there would be less time than usual for pet projects. Regardless, this was too important to wait. Elphaba rationed she could take an hour or so off her sleep schedule to get this done. Not to mention she had the whole weekend ahead of her. The problem was, though, how was she going to research this without her roommate knowing? She wanted to stay with her, take everything back to the room so the blonde wasn’t left alone unsupervised for too long. Unfortunately, that meant she would likely be able to see what the older girl was studying. Elphaba decided to herself that she would just lie about the books, claiming they were for an extra credit project in physiology. She had, by her personal standards, done poorly on the last exam, so it would be a convenient excuse.

Elphaba lost in her thoughts of how she would become an expert on these topics, didn’t notice at first when her roommate stirred. In fact, it wasn’t until she heard the sharp gasp that she knew Galinda was even awake. The blonde seemed to startle in her arms, wincing slightly as her sudden movement pressed raw wounds against her roommate’s arm.

“Galinda?,” Elphaba asked as she looked down seeing the worn panic on her roommate’s face.

“Shit… I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” The blonde responded with a shake in her voice evident even through the crust of sleep. She seemed to be physically shaking too, though Elphaba couldn’t really tell if she was or if her muscles were just taunt.

While it wasn’t the first time Galinda had a nightmare, it was embarrassing that she managed to wake her roommate up with it (at least she assumed she did). Not to mention the fact that she likely worried her, and at the very least startled her with her sudden movements. The blonde sighed. This wasn’t good, and it especially didn’t help her assure Elphie that she was actually okay. Though, in the grand scheme of everything she could have been caught for tonight, nightmares were the least of her worries. She would just play it off like this normally happens when she drinks and call it a night. Realistically, she should be able to fall right back asleep.

Especially now, curled against the roommate she totally does not have any feelings beyond platonic sisterly love for. Her steady breathing and overwhelmingly calm presence made it nearly impossible for Galinda to fight the weight of her eyelids. She felt like she was wrapped in the world’s warmest weighted blanket. Settling back against her green chest, the blonde was almost able to fall asleep within seconds. She would have, were it not for the older girl’s sleep-worn voice.

“Are you okay..?” Elphaba asked with the same tone as early, hand calmingly raking soft scratches down her back. It was an intimate gesture, not lost on the younger girl.

“mmhm… just a bad dream. Happen ‘swhen I drink…” the blonde cooed sleepily, crooning into the touch. Her body seemed to melt into the embrace once again.

Or at least it did, until she slumped too much and accidentally dragged her cut ribs against a green arm. The blonde hissed softly, immediately pretending to yawn to cover the sound. Regardless, Elphaba had heard. Galinda may not have known she had the pieces to put the puzzle together, but… Oh, this is an issue for tomorrow morning, Elphaba thought to herself, simply readjusting her arm for her roommate’s comfort instead. The blonde responded by pulling impossibly closer to her, clung around her waist as if she’d otherwise float away. Retucking herself under her roommate’s chin, Galinda nuzzled herself closer and closer until her cheek rested against the flat of her roommate’s upper chest.

Elphaba smiled softly, the blonde’s lashes lightly tickling her collarbone. For some reason, her brain told her at that moment to plant a kiss on the crown of the blonde’s head. In her sleepless, worn state, she didn’t quite get to vet the thought, instead, leaning down and kissing her more accessible forehead. As green lips met smooth skin, Elphaba felt the blood rush through her body in double time, chest swelling with some fluttery sensation.

Galinda smiled softly against her roommate’s chest, returning the favor with a small peck to her sternum. As confusing as her emotions were, they could wait until the morning. For now, she was tired, comfortable, and safe. And that’s all that mattered tonight. The blonde let herself drift back to sleep, content for tonight.

Chapter Text

The sunlight cast across the room in rays, peeking out from the areas of the window left uncovered by frilly pink curtains. Galinda groaned softly as the warmth hit her face, the light shaking her from the dream she was enraptured with. It was lovely, from what the blonde remembered, though, like most dreams, she couldn’t actually recall much about it. She did know it was one of the first dreams she’d had in a while, her brain usually either opting to go dark through the night or make itself suffer through a nightmare. However, if Galinda remembered correctly, she had one of those last night, too.

As the blonde sat up, stretching her arms and back, the stinging in her side reminded her that last night wasn’t what her typical Friday looked like. After wiping the sleep from her eyes, she pulled the covers away, slowly getting out of bed. She would likely need to shower, and she definitely wanted to check over her handiwork as well. As fucked as she knew it was, Galinda felt almost obligated to check over the cuts she made, if anything to ensure they were healing well and weren’t infected.

Before she slipped her robe on, Galinda reached over to the small carafe on her bedside table. She had learned from a young age that starting the morning with a glass of water did wonders for nearly every aspect of her health and has since incorporated the practice into her daily routine. As she poured the water from the rose-tinted vessel into the equally pink matching glass, she noticed the small note left on the nightstand behind it. It was made on a dull white sheet of paper, clearly not from Galinda’s stationary set. In black ink, it read out:

“Galinda,

Left to go get breakfast and pick up some books from the library. Be back with pastries and OJ soon.

Yours,
Elphie”

Galinda felt the heat rushing to her face as she remembered the latter half of last night. She had willingly snuggled up with her roommate, as friends so often do, yes. But below the surface, there was no way Elphaba could have known exactly why she was so keen to do so. Oz, Galinda barely knew why she was so excited to curl up into her. It wasn’t like she was touch-starved or desperate for attention. Fiyero and her cuddled all the time, and she had shared beds with her friends several times. However, despite that all, she had never felt the way she felt last night in her roommate's arms. Despite her earlier breakdown, aching sides, and exhaustion, everything in the world felt right when those deep green lips were pressed against her forehead. Never in her life had a kiss come with such emotion for the blonde. Not even the long ones she’d had with Fiyero, with tongue and wandering hands.

As she finished her glass, she tried to shake the thought of green hands wandering the same way Fiyero’s did. Even if she wanted her roommate that way, and this was more than just her intrusive thoughts, she couldn’t have her. Even if Elphaba was okay with it, and they kept it a secret, and she was so ready for it that she was dripping down her leg, the prospect of her roommate finding out about her little pet habit was enough to kill any mood. Let alone the way her roommate would likely react.

Galinda was sure that if Elphie knew about her little self-harm problem, she would at the very least judge her for it. She couldn’t imagine Elphaba being much of a rumorer, especially given her general distaste for the society around Shiz, but that doesn’t mean her friend wouldn’t disapprove. Certainly, it would ruin their relationship. However, there were a few secrets Galinda was harboring that could have similar effects.

The Blonde made her way to the bathroom, quickly turning on the shower. She didn’t know when the older girl would be back, but she certainly didn’t want to get caught checking her body in the mirror. If the shower was on, even on cold water, the green girl would assume her roommate was in it and know better than to look in the bathroom. She could also just lock the door, but Galinda planned on taking a while, and it was better to have the shower on than to raise suspicion. Her family’s private donations paid the school’s water bill anyway.

As she shut the door behind her, Galinda made sure the hamper still had enough space in it to put her Pjs in without fear of them falling out. While it didn’t happen every time she cut, sometimes the scabs would open overnight as she tossed and turned in her sleep, leaving a little bit of blood on whatever top she wore to bed. While it wasn’t anything that would stain permanently and always came out in the wash, it was still rather incriminating evidence if her roommate came across it. Even if she didn’t know why there was blood on her roommate’s pink top, the sight and placement of the stain alone would be enough to make Elphaba worry, Galinda was sure. Elphaba had always been incredibly observant.

Thankfully, the older girl had never (and was never going to) see her naked. Yet maybe that was less of a good thing and more of a shame, the blonde thought to herself as she stripped. She knew she woke up skinnier than usual in the mornings, especially so after a night of drinking. While water was integral for her health, a little dehydration certainly snatched her waist nicely. She turned to the side, stomach slightly sucked in as she smoothed over the hollow expanse of skin beneath her ribs. It was undeniable that she looked good. Good enough that she almost didn’t want Elphie to come back with breakfast at all. Truth be told, she’d likely just pick at it anyway. Still, she needed to be sure she didn’t worry Elphaba. She knew she was skating by off the fact that the older girl didn’t have a scent of anything wrong under her nose, but, if Galinda conceded even one little character flaw, she knew the green girl would likely uncover the rest, likely out of sheer obligation to help.

While Galinda was admiring herself in the mirror, her blood suddenly ran cold at the sight of the pink pillcase, left out on the vanity. She must have forgotten to put it away last night, she thought to herself while reaching for the container. It shouldn’t have been a big deal, though, Elphaba was looking around for the first aid kit last night. The blonde shook off the idea that her roommate had seen anything she shouldn’t. The girl was observant, yes, but not nosey. In fact, even though their little prank war she had always been very polite about not going through the younger girl’s things. Besides, Elphie would have definitely said something if she had found a case with razor blades in it amongst her roommate’s possessions. Galinda sighed, the blood in her body melting back to a normal temperature as relief washed over her.

The rest of the blonde’s time in the bathroom was uneventful. She showered with the water left on cold, as it was better for her complexion (plus shivering burned a ton of calories, she knew.) When she got out, wrapped in her pink bathrobe and matching hair towel, she heard the door to their room open again. Galinda grabbed the tiny pink case, pocketing it inside her robe for the time being, and stepped out into the main room to greet her roommate.

“Good morning, I’m glad to see you’re finally up for the day,” Elphaba teased her as she sat down the wrapped bag she returned with. “I’m not sure if you saw my note,” She continued, “but I brought us both breakfast. They were out of the pastries you usually like, so I brought back crullers and some fresh fruit instead. Oh, and I know I promised you orange juice but, they had that rose hip tea you love so much, so I just snagged a few bags of it. If you’d like I can go back for your juice though.”

Galinda smiled softly, the rose hip tea was her favorite, and it was far fewer calories than the orange juice would have been. “the tea is perfect, Elphie. Thank you…” The blonde went to hug her, noticing the stack of books she also carried. Coincidentally, the first one in the stack was titled “Understanding Self-Harm: An Insight into a Disturbed Psyche.” The Blonde paused, taking a beat to make sure she read it right before making sure she looked totally normal.

Gathering herself in the span of seconds, Galinda cleared her throat softly before pointing to the offending material. “So uh… whatcha got there..?” she asked, hoping she sounded more inquisitive and less guilty as sin.

“oh, this..? It’s just for an extra credit project in physiology. You know how I bombed the last test?” Elphaba responded, Galinda nodding along, despite knowing the older girl had gotten precisely a 92 (to her 89.7, which was still technically an A, thank you). “Well,” Elphie continued, “to make up those extra eight percentage points, I’m doing a project on mental health, specifically self-harm and how it affects a person.” She adjusted her glasses as she finished, still all matter of fact. Galinda just hoped she didn’t hear the way she swallowed, the blonde’s mouth suddenly filled with cotton.

“That’s really interesting, Elphie, what made you choose that subject...?” The Blonde asked, now carefully studying her roommate’s face for any tells. She knew the older girl couldn’t lie to her. Not very well at least. If she knew something, she would have to spill it now and Galinda could go on and lie or make up some fake excuse to ensure her she was totally normal and not at all crazy and perfect and wonderful and fine.

“Well, if I’m being completely honest…” Green eyes locked onto Brown, the younger girl having to remind herself to breathe and keep a neutral face. She could still save this, even if it was because of her. She could lie and say it was for a project too, or that she had some rare condition that gave her inexplicably hairy ribs and that she just nicked herself shaving or-

“Self-harm was something I grappled with sometimes, growing up,” Elphaba confessed, voice breathy and small, shutting up her roommate’s racing thoughts once more. She searched for any sign of disapproval in the blonde’s face, finding those big brown eyes looking back at her, full of compassion and concern. “I mean, I didn’t exactly have an easy childhood, and I always felt I was to blame for my mother’s death…” She paused, licking her dry lips as she mustered the courage to continue. “I never did it. I… I couldn’t bring myself to. But the thought was there. I felt like… like I deserved it.” The green girl looked down at her hands, now folded on her lap, her thumb anxiously tracing over her pointer finger in soothing circular motions.

“Oh Elphie…” Galinda frowned, taking her hands and holding them tightly in her own. She thought about kissing her beautiful green knuckles for a second but decided against it as her words caught up to her racing thoughts. “You didn’t deserve that- you could never deserve that… no one deserves that,” it was the blonde’s turn to feel her voice closing as she spoke, hoping the rising concern in her chest stayed palpable, yet usable. She would hate to break down and render herself unable to help her roommate in this vulnerable moment.

The older girl frowned softly. “Galinda…?,” She asked, voice still soft and teeming with apprehension.

“Yes, Elphie?”

“I’m going to confess something to you, and I need you to not be mad at me.” Elphaba felt like her heart was going to tear itself from her chest at any moment. She wanted to research this and come into this discussion armed to the teeth with clinical knowledge, but… something deep inside her pulled at her to do this now. On the floor of their shared rug, sweaty hands embracing each other. “Promise me… promise me you won’t be upset with me..”, she half-way choked out, still fighting the way her throat wanted to close around the words.

Brown eyes searched for green to meet their gaze. Yet the older girl was set on looking down, like a shamed dog would, knowing it was busted. Galinda frowned softly, swallowing. “I promise, my sweet. I won’t be upset with you..” As anxious as the energy that filled the room was, Galinda was sure she knew what was to come next. Elphaba would tell her she had just fibbed to her, and that she actually had done it before. In turn, Galinda would hold her, and tell her how it was okay and that she didn’t think any less of her for it, which was true. Then she’d wipe the sweat from her brow and let herself fully sink into caring for her roommate, her own dirty secret going untold.

All of that changed when Elphaba spoke.

“Galinda… I know you’ve done it too. I saw the cuts last night.”

Chapter Text

It felt like the world around Galinda was about to collapse. The blood rushed from her face so fast she could hear it swimming through her veins. Her vision darkened around the corners, tunneling in on only the green girl in front of her. Her jaw opened to defend herself, but instead fell, unwilling to close. She looked as if she had seen a ghost. Her thoughts swam, rushed, and shut down in the same breath.

Elphaba watched, mixed somewhere between concerned and horrified at the sight in front of her. While she had never seen anyone faint before, it looked like her roommate might at any moment. Oz, was she even breathing?? Elphaba knew she needed to give the girl time to process the truth bomb she had just dropped. She should have prepared her more or made her drink some water after she told her or something, anything really. But here she was now, watching the blonde to make sure she wasn’t going to pass out or asphyxiate. Looking down, she remembered their hands were still intertwined and gave the blonde a small squeeze. Anything to help wake her up.

Fucked. Oh, Oz she was fucked, Galinda thought, wracking her brain again for something, anything at all to tell her green roommate. Unsurprisingly, her brain failed her once again. Instead, the blonde’s head took to filling itself with ideas about what would happen next, now that her secret was out. She thought of how ruined her life really was. The word would get out, one way or another, and she would be disgraced by her peers. Momsie and Popsicle would find out, and she would never be allowed in public alone again.

Her panicked mind remembered the last time she had gotten in trouble with her momsie. She was sixteen years old, and it was during the summer when her all-girls boarding school was on break. She didn’t remember what she did, or who she pissed off, but she certainly remembered the consequences. Before she could even register her mother’s anger, searing pain rushed across her cheek from the force of a slap, followed by a gush of blood from the cut her granny’s passed-down wedding ring had left across her fair skin. Still reeling, she felt the sharp grasp of a cold hand around her wrist, dragging her still-shellshocked form up the stairs and to her room. She was thrown in there, so fast that she knocked her ribs on her vanity, and the door was slammed behind her. After she regained her composure, she went to open the door to find her first aid kit and clean herself up. To her surprise, the door was barricaded from the outside, and she was left alone in there to think until the next morning.

If that was what happened over something inconsequential, Galinda didn’t even want to think about what she would return to if her mother caught wind of what she’d done now. Her entire body trembled just thinking about it, and it felt like there was something in between her throat and her lungs. Her entire head swam, the room spinning. She felt like she was floating as she fought her airway. What air she did get came in short, sputtery gasps.

“shit..” she heard her roommate swear faintly, though it felt like she was miles away from the blonde in this moment. That is, until the older girl released her hands from her grasp, still touching her but instead turning them up lightly. Her nails gently scraped against the skin with enough pressure to focus on yet leave Galinda unscathed. “Easy, Easy Galinda. Breathe. Breathe, my sweet, it’s okay-,” The green girl’s words drew closer and closer until Galinda could see her face again through the chaos.

“Just breathe. Can you do that for me? Here, let’s do it together,” the older girl offered, voice smooth and soothing. She once again grabbed Galinda’s hand. The blonde leaned in against her. She was calming down, just slightly. Her head still swam, and the room still seemed to spin but, now she was anchored. Settled in between strong, green arms. She was safe. “that’s it… just breathe with me, okay? In, and out… you’re doing so well,” Elphaba cooed, accepting the blonde girl in her arms as if it was second nature to her.

Elphaba’s breath was hot against the blonde’s cheek, though the sensation wasn’t unwelcome. Especially so as the room cooled, seeming to drop about 20 degrees back to its usual, temperate state. Galinda slumped against her shoulder as she listened to her silky voice, breathing when she was told. She was so focused on controlling her breath (and the praise that spilled from her roommate’s lips) that she didn’t notice the hot tears welling in her eyes. At least not until they fell against her roommate’s shoulder, darkening the light blue linen shirt the older girl had opted for this morning.

Staring at the darkened watermarks, the blonde seemed to snap back to reality. She pulled away, stumbling over her apologies as she sought out a respectable distance between herself and Elphie. Her hands still shook, and she just knew her face was a muddled mess of snot and tears but, she could breathe again. She felt an almost catharsis. Still, it was not okay for her to spring that upon her roommate like that. An Upland always remains in control of her reactions.

With a sniffle, the blonde wiped the tears from her eyes and looked up, hoping to meet her roommates’ green irises. When she did, she found them wide open, brows raised in concern, not judgment. The sight alone threatened more tears, and Galinda had to swallow them down. “Oh Elphie…” she started, taking a deep but shaky breath, “I’m so sorry… for all of this. I know I’ve caused you enough trouble today.” The blonde tried her hardest to get her physical reactions under control, swallowing more tears down as she worked to control her still-there shake.

“Oh, Galinda…,” Elphaba muttered, bringing a hand to her cheek. “Don’t. Don’t even think about apologizing. I’m just glad I noticed… that way we can get you help-,” She stopped suddenly as she was cut off.

“No! I don’t need help- I’m perfectly fine!” Galinda pulled away once more, face turning an indignant shade of red. Elphaba just watched, noting that despite her angry demeanor, her eyes looked just as scared as they had minutes ago when she was still struggling to breathe.

The older girl took a deep breath, mostly for her own comfort, before responding. “Galinda. You hurt yourself. On purpose. You need help. I’m not opposed to trying to help you myself if that’s what it takes. But you need some kind of intervention for this.”

The Blonde paused, alleged anger melting back down into a pitiful fear. She had given up on hiding the way she shook, instead allowing her body to tremble like a leaf. In the light, with the way she held herself, she looked like a scared fawn, alone in the woods and cold. Galinda was aware enough of herself at that moment to note that she WAS cold.

Galinda licked her lips, despite knowing it was a bad habit to form. She took a silent half-step forward, back towards the embrace she was sharing with the older girl. She wouldn’t admit it but, she wanted it back. Everything felt okay in Elphaba’s arms. Her lips quivered as she spoke. “You promise me you won’t get anyone else involved..?” she asked, voice frail and timid.

Elphaba had never seen her roommate look this… small. Even in their most stressful moments together, the blonde had been more so of a fireball type. Her heart hurt seeing her roommate with her metaphorical blonde tail tucked between her legs, knowing from experience that there was likely a deeper reason as to why. She trembled, looking at the floor like a scolded child. Elphaba made a note to herself to explore that thought later. For now, she had a friend to comfort.

“… If you don’t get worse or try anything crazy… I will keep this between us…,” Elphaba struggled out, feeling dirty for keeping something like this a secret. She knew it was a bad idea to promise that, her brain already coming up with a thousand and one scenarios in which she would need to break that promise for her roommate’s safety. Still, looking at the small, trembling girl in front of her, she knew that if she didn’t, she would likely never get her any help at all. If push really came to shove, she would break her promise and work to rebuild her relationship after Galinda was safe and well again. Hopefully, She could be an effective enough therapist that it wouldn’t come to that.

Galinda paused. She looked up at her, scanning her face over once again for any tells, knowing she wouldn’t find any. With that, she nodded softly. “fine… but… but I want you to hold me again... please..?,” the blonde asked her in that sweet tone of voice she reserved for when she wanted something. Yet today, knowing the vents of the last thirty minutes, it felt less of an orchestrated ploy and more of a natural response.

“I’ll hold you, my sweet,” the older girl agreed. “but first… did you take care of your side when you got out of the shower?”

Normally, the blonde would take a moment post-shower to look over the wounds she left. The water often would soften the scabs that formed the night before, meaning that some wounds usually needed to be redressed. Today, knowing her roommate was getting home as she stepped out, she had neglected the step to hide suspicion. Bandage wrappers could be loud, after all.

Shaking her head, Galinda looked down at the floor again, still fighting the rising shame that came with the situation in front of her. This was pitiable, she thought to herself. It isn’t fair to Elphie to now have to bear the blonde’s burdens too. “I…” she started “I didn’t have time. I’ll go do it now.” She said, voice uncharacteristically flat and hollow.

“That’s okay… Since you hadn’t, I was going to offer to dress them for you...? If that would be alright?” The green girl was a bit apprehensive, worried she’d be pushed away or thought of as creepy. Truly, she did just want to help. “I know panic attacks can take a lot out of someone…”

“What’s a panic attack?” the blonde responded, looking back up at her. “And… I would be okay with that. Would you like me to take the robe off?”

Elphaba frowned softly, taking things one step at a time. “If you’re comfortable with that… as for your question, a panic attack is when your body overwhelms itself with Epinephrine. You feel like you can’t breathe, or like everything is closing in around you. They’re really scary if you don’t understand them.” She looked over at the blonde girl, instinctively looking down when she saw her wrestling with her robe’s pink tie-belt.

Galinda knitted her brows, silently wondering to herself how she’d never known that there was a name for what she experienced. In the past, she had had one or two, and her momsie had just referred to them as her histrionics or dramatics. It almost relieved her to know there was an actual name to the phenomenon. Maybe there were studies on it out there somewhere. Elphaba would likely know.

As she got the knots on her robe untied, she gently shimmied it off, looking up at her roommate once more. She knew Elphaba would likely want to see her fully naked. Knowing the older girl, she’d likely try to take inventory of every mark on the blonde, that way she would know for sure if she cut again. A part of her hoped she looked enticing in this moment. Another knew she looked more like a pathetically wet cat. All of her was glad she’d actually paid attention while shaving this morning.

Elphaba glanced over at the sound of her roommate’s robe hitting the wooden floors. The sight in front of her caused the green skin on her cheeks to darken, her mouth suddenly dry. Elphaba had always known her roommate was pretty, but it seemed that her beauty truly ran bone deep, as every inch of her was stunning. The green girl swallowed, thinking of the contrast her hands would make on the blonde’s fair skin. Shaking the impure thoughts from her head, Elphaba carefully stepped closer. She knew this wasn’t a sexual occasion, and it would be incredibly weird for her to make it so. The fact that her roommate trusted her enough to bear herself to the older girl was enough for her to know better than to abuse it.

Under the observant eye of her roommate, Galinda was glad that the two of them had forgotten breakfast in the drama this morning had brought. She knew despite how pathetic she was behaving, or the pretense as to why she was naked, she looked damn good with nothing on. If Elphaba’s hooded eyes had anything to say, the blonde would assume she wasn’t the only one who noticed her prowess. For a brief moment, she thought of shooting the older girl some sort of cheeky flirt. The rational part of her brain, however, would not allow for that. She was in this position because she had fucked up and gotten caught, not because Elphaba was jealous of her body and wanted a closer look.

The slight sting to her ribs, when she moved, was enough to shame her back to reality, a small wince apparent on her face.

“Careful”, Elphaba cooed, approaching with the first aid kit left out from the night before. As she got close to the younger girl, she realized she two things at once. 1) She didn’t know how the blonde usually treated her wounds after a bad night, and 2) the vanilla cashmere body wash Galinda used made the girl smell absolutely mouthwatering. Pushing down the second thought, Elphaba focused on the first, relying on her own first-aid knowledge.

“I have some ointments I use in the pocket of my robe…” The blonde offered. “I usually wipe them down with a bit of alcohol on a cotton pad, and then smother them in those… then if they need it they get bandaged… these ones probably shouldn’t, though.”

Elphaba frowned at the admission, the reminder that her sweet roommate was naked in front of her because she’d hurt herself filling the older girl with guilt. As she saw under her arm, where the cuts were, those feelings increased tenfold. She wanted to yell at her, to shake her shoulders and ask her why the fuck she’d ever thought this was okay. She wanted to cry and beg her to never hurt herself again. She wanted to hold her and tell her it would be okay. God, she wanted to hold her.

The green girl reminded herself that she would get to hold her if she just took care of her wounds quickly. Bending down, she grabbed the younger girl’s robe and searched the pockets for the now-familiar pink pill case she knew had the ointments and alcohol inside. Carefully, she followed the steps her roommate told her, her hand accidentally brushing against the underside of Galinda’s small breast as she cleansed the wounds.

Glancing up at the blonde to make sure she was okay, Elphaba could have sworn the girl’s face was flushed. Still, she muttered a quiet apology as she got back to work. While she had the opportunity, she carefully looked the younger girl up and down, noting how her hipbones protruded from her skin the same way her ribs and collarbones did. While she wasn’t quite yet concerned about an eating disorder, she knew to watch her roommate a little closer than before (especially now that she had the research to properly spot one).

After Elphaba patched her up, insisting on pink floral bandages (“they help protect the wounds from chafing,” she mentioned), she carefully set aside a warm sweater and soft pair of cotton shorts for the younger girl. Between the panic attack and being so vulnerable, Galinda’s entire body felt made of lead, her brain too foggy to really care about her outfit. Especially since she knew they’d be staying in. The green girl let her lay down on her bed while she dressed her, being careful to not scratch her or touch anywhere she shouldn’t. Once she was patched up and dressed, Elphaba carefully crawled into bed next to her.

“Is this an okay place for me to hold you?” she asked softly, knowing the blonde was in desperate need of a nap. The younger girl simply nodded, shifting over until she was close enough for Elphie to wrap her arms around. As she did, the blonde sighed in relief, melting into the touch with a slight tremor. She pulled herself closer, letting her head rest once more on her roommate’s green chest. With her arms still wrapped around her roommate’s waist, Galinda gently hiked a leg up, slotting it between two green ones. It was less of a sexual motion, and more so her trying to get as close as possible to the green girl.

Elphaba once again tucked her under her chin, stroking her hair softly and pressing gentle kisses to the top of her head. She could feel the blonde’s weight becoming more and more dead against her. However, before the blonde passed out, she shifted herself, looking up at her roommate with big fawn eyes.

“Elphie… you should give me a real goodnight kiss… one on the lips, please...?”

Elphaba felt the blood in her body speed up. The thought of actually kissing her roommate brought up some serious questions about the nature of their relationship or even the dynamic they shared. Still, who was she to deny the blonde’s request? Especially when the older girl was happy to oblige.

“If you insist, my sweet.”

Elphaba had never once kissed anyone. But that didn’t stop her as she closed her eyes and puckered up, leaning down towards the younger girl’s waiting lips. The blonde leaned forward meeting green lips with hers. This was not Galinda’s first kiss, yet it felt different than any other kiss she’d ever had. While most kisses were pleasant, she never felt them so deep in her core. Slowly, she pulled back and kissed her roommate again. And again. And again. Pushing herself up so that she had better access, the blonde deepened the kiss against her roommate, letting her lips move as they pleased.

Despite her initial lack of experience, Elphie soon caught up to the blonde, gently reciprocating the girl’s every move with her own. Soon, she felt the soft tease of tongue against her bottom lip, gone as sudden as it had come as Galinda pulled away. Her cheeks were flushed as pink as her bedding, and her perfect lashes were lidded heavy. With a slight pant, she brought herself back down to her spot on her roommate’s green chest, exhaustion wearing out over the stir of hormones within her.

Elphaba carefully held her close in her arms, letting them fall closer to her hips to account for the tender area along her side. Despite their passionate exchange, she still opted to press a kiss to her roommate’s forehead, smearing the blonde’s own lip gloss on her crown line.

“Goodnight, my sweet. Have a good nap.” She whispered gently into her ear.

Galinda said nothing but pressed her lips to her sternum in response, before drifting off to sleep, her protective roommate soon following after.

Chapter Text

The midmorning sun gave way to a cloudy afternoon, with the once pleasant breeze replaced with nipping gusts of harsh chill. Before the weather soured, Elphaba had opened the French doors leading out to the room’s balcony after Galinda fell asleep, knowing how much she preferred her fresh air. Now, those same doors slam shut on their own with the receding pressure in the room, leaving a loud sound in the wake of what was a nice flow of air and causing the younger girl to wake with a start.

Galinda had always been somewhat susceptible to loud sounds, having been raised in a rather quiet home. If something was loud, it usually meant something was wrong or she was in trouble. She wasn’t used to the consistent slams or bangs that sometimes came with living in a dormitory. Her heart raced for a minute as she took the time to check over the room. Everything was in place. Everything was okay.

Safe, she told herself; she was safe.

Everything was exactly where she had left it when she had fallen asleep an hour or so earlier. Well, almost everything.

Galinda noticed the lack of warmth that came from the arms of her roommate wrapped around her almost immediately. She remembered clearly how they’d fallen asleep.

She had requested the older girl to kiss her. Actually kiss her. On the lips. She even teased tongue.

Oh, oz, what had she gotten herself into?

Looking around the room once more, she saw Elphie in her usual spot, hunched over a book at her desk.

“Mm, Elphie...?” Galinda called to her, sleep still apparent in her voice.

“Good afternoon. Did you have a nice nap?” The older girl replied, cool and collected and so normal, as if nothing had happened between them whatsoever in the last hour.

Galinda nodded, stretching her arms up and arching her back as she shook the sleep from her body. Glancing at the clock, it looked like she’d only been out for an hour or so. She probably would still be fine to go to sleep at her usual bedtime tonight, ensuring she would get at least nine hours of beauty rest.

“That’s good. While you were out, I went ahead and got back to work on my project,” The older girl continued. “Sorry for not staying with you. I will next time if that’s what you choose.”

“That’s fine…” Galinda said, despite very much so wanting her there, “You’re busy, I know. I shouldn’t take you away from that…”

“If you need that in the moment, then it’s okay,” Elphaba replied, voice soft. “Galinda…?”

“Hm?”

“Can I ask something of you?”

“Of course,” the blonde responded. After all, she knew now that she owed the older girl something after all she’d done taking care of her.

“I want you to tell me these things.” The older girl stated, looking her in the eyes. “When you’re upset or hurting, I want to be there for you… if you trust me.”

The blonde looked at her, swallowing softly. In truth, she wanted to tell Elphaba everything, wanted to peel back layers and layers of herself that had yet to see the light of day. But reality showed she didn’t know how the older girl would react to that. She didn’t know if her Elphie could see her in the same light if she knew everything, especially in this weird phase they were in.

That was another thing. They had kissed, and now neither of them were addressing it. Given, so much more had happened in the last couple of hours that a kiss seemed insignificant, but it was still something. Galinda had a boyfriend, for crying out loud, and here she was teasing tongue with her, admittedly beautiful, roommate.

Her sexuality was something she could unpack later, though. For now, she had to figure out what she could and couldn’t tell Elphaba. She was sure that if the older girl knew everything, she would undoubtedly be pushed away. Galinda knew full well that no one could deal with her full self. Not even her parents. Some parts of her needed to be hidden, and she fully believed she deserved the shame that came with hiding them.

“Galinda?” the older girl asked once more, trying to catch the blonde’s glassed-over eyes.

The younger girl looked up, like a rabbit hearing footsteps.

Elphaba sighed, putting her book down. While she couldn’t know the extent to which her roommate was emotionally hurt, she knew, at the very least, it ran deep enough for her to have been hurting herself for some time. If she could go back three hours ago, she would have asked how long it had been. She still would, eventually.

For now, the more pressing matter was the way Galinda stared blankly at her, eyes panicked underneath the glaze. The older girl didn’t know quite what was upsetting her, but she could tell it wasn’t good. She knew the blonde well enough to know that she liked to hide herself, committing to almost putting on a show instead. Her face was always made up, and her naturally wavy hair was always pressed into a perfectly conforming curl. She’d often bite her tongue and allow for things she didn’t want, all in the name of keeping some façade.

Of course, this wasn’t anything confirmed. Elphaba had just noticed it here or there, seeing through the cracks in the blonde’s mask left after long, exhausting days. Of course, after they had made amends and become friends, this became much more common. Galinda let her see more.

She got to watch the girl slump and groan occasionally when Pfanne and Shenshen swung by to pick her up for dinner, or the way she would sometimes drag her feet while getting ready to go out on a date with Fiyero. She’d seen her ‘forget’ to grab a condom or rather grab a tampon despite not currently needing one. Regardless, she still didn’t know what the younger girl would be able to hide from her.

That worried her.

As Elphaba sat down beside the younger girl, she reached gently for an elegant, well-manicured hand.

“You don’t have to tell me. But I’m always here. And I don’t want you hurting yourself anymore,” she remarked, opting to rest her other hand on the girl's cheek.

Galinda nuzzled into the touch slightly, eyes closing, content. Despite just waking up, she was tired. So tired, it felt like it had reached her bones. She had so much to think about, so many things she had to find a way to guard, and yet, all she wanted right now was this.

To be held.

To be accepted despite not being enough.

If Elphaba was willing to give her that, here and now, she was willing to accept. She could clean up the mess she left later. Just like she always cleaned the makeup off her face after a night out. For now, she could let herself be.

“Can we go back to cuddling...?” The blonde asked, her voice soft and sweet. While it was genuine now, it was the same tone she had always used to get what she wanted.

The older girl stared at her, analyzing. While she wanted Galinda comfortable and thoroughly loved on, she didn’t want to distract from the conversation she was attempting to have. So much of the vulnerability the blonde shared with her had been through her body: the way she held herself, her reactions, even the little actions she did when her brain wasn’t focused on keeping her still. All of that was readable. Elphaba couldn’t afford to lose those insights. Right now, they were all she had.

Oz knew she’d be none the wiser to any of this without it.

Thinking on her feet, Elphaba concocted a temporary remedy to her issue.

“We can. But Galinda?”

“m?”

“If we’re going to, I want you to at least tell me what’s going through your head right now.” She rubbed her cheek with a green thumb as she spoke, hoping the tender action offset the firmness of her words.

Galinda crooned deeper into the action, sighing softly in something of defeat.

“Fine, but… but you have to promise me something.” She muttered softly, looking into the older girl’s eyes, her own alight with a newfound focus.

“We make a lot of those,” Elphaba responded, pulling her closer. “What am I promising you?”

“Promise me that… that if it gets too much, you’ll let me take it back. Forget it ever happened, if you can.” Brown eyes now stared into her very soul, brows knit in some mixture of vulnerable sternness.

“Oh Glin…,” The older girl cooed, soothing. “That won’t happen. Not after everything. If you weren’t too much when we hated each other, you won’t be too much now.”

“I want you to promise me. Pinky, if possible.” Galinda stared still, jaw clenched.

Elphaba had never seen her look so serious.

“Then I swear to you, Galinda Arduenna Upland of the Upper Uplands, that you will never be too much for me.”

The younger girl said nothing, electing instead to bury her face into her roommate’s shoulder with a soft sound. Elphaba could see how she trembled, ever so slightly, her whole body tense as if she was refusing a sob. The older girl cradled her in her arms, gently stroking her blonde hair. Her long nails scratched soothingly at the girl’s scalp, a gesture full of affection.

Galinda sniffled, torn between clinging to her so tightly they fused into one and pulling away before she felt too strongly not to. In the end, the urge to look at her roommate won out, and she pulled back, forcing the tears pinpricking in her eyes down. Plush lips still quivered as she spoke.

“Then… then in that case…” She started, swallowing liquid apprehension, “Um…”

Galinda knew she needed to tell her something, anything. Yet so many thoughts swam through her head, there wasn’t any one thing on her mind to tell her about. She could tell the older girl how she was made up of masks and how the Galinda she knew was likely a scam. She could tell her about her childhood, and how she needs to get a grip and realize how good she had it. She could even tell her about how she was questioning everything in her future with Fiyero, or how she might not even like men like she’d thought. But all of those thoughts could have consequences. Even with Elphaba’s promise, the younger girl knew she couldn’t unring the bell once she had rung it.

Shaking it off, she decided to start with her masks. The rest would fall in line in due time, if at all. But she could at least downplay the masking enough to make it seem minor, hopefully even digestible.

“Um…” She continued her earlier thought, trying to figure out how she wanted to put this.

It was a weird confession, she knew. How do you tell your roommate that you’re a total fake and you’re only popular because you’re good at lying with your facial expressions and your body? How far do you go in telling her? Is there a way to phrase it that’ll stop her from reading too deeply into any interaction you ever have with her??

“Well, there’s something you should know about me.” She finally started, looking down at the floor. “I do this weird thing where I hide what I’m thinking, or how I feel about something, so that people think I’m a better person than I am. It’s… it’s wicked, I know…” The Blonde finally confessed, wanting nothing more than to both look up at her roommate’s face and sink deep into the floor, never to return.

“I think everyone does that to some extent, Glin..” Elphaba soothed, gently tilting the younger girl’s chin so that they were once again making eye contact. “That doesn’t make you a bad person, or wicked, or anything like that. In fact, I think that makes you human.”

Galinda’s eyes flitted down to her full green lips, wanting nothing more than to kiss them again.

“Then… Elphie..?”

“Yes, Glin?”

The blonde’s voice bobbed.

“I think… I think a part of that was hiding what I really want…” She choked out, her heart racing so fast it threatened to burst. “When we kissed last night… I’d never felt like that with anyone else. No one… it… it scared me how much I liked that… like you holding me… dotting on me…”

The older girl could feel her face burn, undoubtedly a deeper shade of green than before.

“I wanna keep kissing you, Elphie… I think… I think this is what love is supposed to feel like.” Galinda finished, daring to keep eye contact. She wanted so badly to look over her roommate, read the body language she’d become so well acquainted with. But in this little game of vulnerability, that felt like cheating. So, she stayed still.

Elphaba said nothing, instead opting to lean in even closer than she was before. The hand rested on the younger girl’s chin rose to her cheek, its left counterpart joining on the opposing side. As she leaned down, she shut her eyes.

Galinda crooned up into the kiss, making first contact. They started slow, barely grazing each other’s lips. The Blonde felt like her stomach was on fire. She chased the feeling, pulling herself closer to her roommate until she was sat in her lap, arms resting beside strong shoulders and hands stroking through her silky braids.

Elphaba moved a hand to support her, settling at the divot where her spine met bony hips. In moving herself, the blonde’s sweater rode up just enough to reveal a sliver of skin before the waistband of her shorts. The older girl tucked her hand carefully underneath the cashmere, a grounding and sensual touch.

Galinda gasped softly at the feeling of skin touching hers, pressing in deeper to the kiss the pair shared. Her lips moved to their own rhythm, propelled by a mixture of love and need. Her roommate responded with the same fervor, hungrily swallowing down whatever the blonde would give her, her hand tracing from bony ribs down her body, resting at the small of her waist.

The younger girl rolled her tongue against her Elphie’s lips, testing the waters once again. Elphaba responded with a groan, letting her mouth open and practically pleading for more.

Galinda obliged, flitting her tongue into the older girl’s mouth with fervor. Her roommate wasted no time accepting the favor, bringing her hand up her back and into her blonde locks.

As the pair deepened the kiss impossibly, that same hand tightened instinctively around her roommate’s hair, causing the blonde to squeak. She pulled back for a second, panting, eyes lidded in wanton want.

Just as she was about to return for more, the girls’ attention was pulled away by a knock at the door.

Chapter Text

With a slight groan, Galinda pulled herself off her roommate’s lap, quietly mourning the loss of the older girl’s warmth. As she rose to her feet, small black dots clouded her vision, her head swimming slightly. This wasn’t anything unusual to the blonde, especially now. As she braces herself against Elphaba’s desk for a second, she recalls she hasn’t eaten today.

Good. She thinks to herself.

When the spots in her vision settle and the world stops spinning, she makes her way over to the door. Before opening it, she takes just a half second to preen herself, returning her hair to its proper place and wiping the spit from below her lip. Stealing one last glance at herself in the mirror, she opens the door.

“Hi, sorry it took so long to answer-“she stops abruptly, realizing she’s face to face with her boyfriend. The boyfriend she definitely just cheated on with her outcast roommate.

It was like a switch was flipped inside her head. Her somewhat clouded and quiet demeanor shifted immediately to the bright, bubbly girl she knew he loved.

“Oh, Fiyero! How are you?” She asked him, wrapping him in a gentle hug.

The prince soothed her over with a hand, gently petting her hair down and settling around the small of her waist. He scooped her up into a hug, letting her legs dangle off the floor.

Galinda giggled as she played her part in this dance. She knew exactly what she needed to do, exactly how to perform.

After all, this was her starring role.

She clung tighter to Fiyero, smiling as he planted a short, gentle kiss to her lips. Despite their so-called loving relationship, the prince had learned that Galinda wasn’t much of a fan of sloppy kissing and preferred neat pecks over sloppy, drawn-out sessions.

Gently, he set her down, hands running up from her waist to her ribs in the process. Galinda bit her tongue at the sting that it left over fresh wounds.

“What are you doing here?” she asked him, not allowing her hand to leave his waist. Truth be told, she had kind of known she wasn’t interested in Fiyero for some time now, even though he was the poster boy for everything a woman should want. Sure, he was dashing and kind, and actually not bad in bed… but Galinda just couldn’t seem to stir up anything more than general liking for the man. Of course, he was her friend, and she cared about him in that regard, but if he broke up with her here and now, she wouldn’t be too distraught.

However, he was good for her image. As bad of a person as Galinda felt for admitting it, she knew full well that Fiyero could open doors left previously locked to her. Plus, her Momsie would lovingly approve of him, she knew. For as valuable as that was, she could endure.

Well, at least she could have until now.

Fiyero smiled at her, softly, planting another kiss on her forehead before he spoke.

“I wanted to check in on you, princess. I just hadn’t heard from you all day. Figured you were fighting a pretty bad hangover, but I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”

Galinda smiled softly. How romantic of him. The worst part in all of this is that she knew he truly cared for the persona she’d made for him.

“How thoughtful of you,” She replied in a voice ever so slightly higher than her own, batting her lashes as she looked up at him. “I promise, I’m just fine, dear.”

She moved the hand on his waist up to his chest, sealing her lies with another chaste peck.

Fiyero leaned into the touch, wrapping his arms around her again. The way he held her pressed his arm against her cuts again.

Galinda swallowed.

“I also need to apologize...” He said, halfway whispering into her ear.

“Huh? Why...?” The blonde questioned, genuinely racking her brain for anything he did wrong.

Fiyero sighed, keeping her close but bringing one hand up to hold her cheek.

“I dropped you off last night in an empty dorm. You were still drunk, and I could tell something wasn’t right…” He started.

Galinda opened her mouth, ready to brush off the worry in his voice. Before she could, he continued.

“I know you’re alright, but still. I should have been here at least until Elphaba got back. It’s the least I could have done.”

He stroked her hair apologetically.

“I wasn’t being a very good boyfriend to you.”

“Oh, Fiyero…” It was Galinda’s turn to say her lines again. She held the hand against her cheek, pressing a kiss into it. “I was just fine. Quite honestly, I just went to bed. It would be improper for you to be alone in my bedroom anyways... think of what that could do to our reputations…”

The prince sighed; he knew this full well. Galinda was a proper lady after all, and he needed to remember that she has an image for herself on the line, in spite of their somewhat often romps in the woods off grounds.

“Well, still. I want you to know I’m here, okay?”

“Of course.” She said, kissing him softly before glancing back.

Unshockingly, Elphaba was sitting at her desk, pretending to study. Regardless, Galinda was sure she had seen the whole thing. Her stomach dropped at the thought.

“Oh, silly me…” she tutted. “I’m sorry, Fiyero, I need to get back to studying… I’m helping Elphie with this project she’s working on.” The girl pouted a little, like she was sad to dismiss him. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

“Yeah, see you then.” He leaned down and kissed her one last time.

As he walked off, Galinda shut the door once more, turning around to face her friend.

“Uhm...”

“You’re a convincing actress,” Elphaba tutted, seeming more amused than hurt.

“Does he know I’ve kissed you in all the same places he has?”

Galinda went red.

“I’m not mad, for the record,” she was blunt, unreadable for just a second. “I am upset, but… it’s not for myself.”

“Elphie- “

“I know you care a lot about how you’re seen, but Galinda, you don’t have to put yourself through this… If you don’t want to be with him, then don’t.”

She almost added, ‘you don’t have to tell him about me’, but that would require knowing where she stood with the younger girl.

Galinda sighed, allowing her roommate to see the stress tensed in her face. The weight of that wasn’t lost on Elphaba.

“It’s your life, Galinda. I won’t press for you to do anything right now… just… think about who all you may hurt if you continue down this road.”

The blonde swallowed, clenching her jaw tight.

“I know I’m hurting him. He doesn’t deserve it. I just… He’s done nothing wrong in this… everything I’ve given him has been willingly, and he’s done nothing but give back in return…”

“People fall out of love all the time… it happens, my sweet. If he’s really that stand-up of a guy, he’ll understand. Besides, you can always stay friends,” the older girl offered, rising to her feet.

She approached the younger girl the same way she had again and again, as if she were nearing a wounded fawn in the woods. Galinda allowed it but stayed still until green arms wrapped around her. She collapsed into the hug, melting into all the nooks and crannies of Elphaba’s body.

“I’m sorry,” the blonde whispered against her roommate’s collarbone. “I shouldn’t have roped you into this.”

The older girl hushed her, planting a kiss to her forehead, right where she had watched her boyfriend kiss just minutes earlier.

“I roped myself into this. I had every right to refuse your advances… For now, I’ll have you in any way you can keep me.”

Galinda said nothing, just crooning herself deeper into the hold. The older girl adjusted them, careful of her ribs.

Galinda relaxed against the hold, leaning her full weight into her roommate. She could feel the room starting to spin again, her mind dulled as it seemed to pull away from her body. She knew they should probably sit down, but Elphaba was holding her fully. It was almost as if she was being carried.

Elphaba looked down at the blonde, seeing how pale she currently looked. Her fair complexion was greyed over as if she was sick.

“Are you feeling okay, Glin?” she asked, hoping the younger girl would allow her to see her fully.

“Mhm…”

She wasn’t very convincing, the blonde knew, her voice feeling eons away from her physical body. Despite her trembling and the way her brain clouded, she was safe where she was.

The older girl looked down at her, studying her, searching for what could be wrong. Galinda’s stomach growled, answering every question in her roommate’s mind.

Looking back at today, there was no way the younger girl had eaten anything. The breakfast Elphie brought back had been neglected in light of more pressing matters. She had fallen asleep around lunchtime and hadn’t had anything since she’d woken up.

“Oh, oz…” Elphaba swore slightly under her breath. “I think we should get you something to eat,” she suggested, both girls knowing it was not optional.

“I’m fine, Elphie…”

“You haven’t had anything all day. That won’t do, Galinda.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal, I’ll have breakfast tomorrow…”

Elphaba looked up at the clock, its hands reading 4:32. Breakfast tomorrow was over 12 hours away still.

“You will. You’re also going to have something now. I won’t budge on this.”

Galinda sighed and accepted her fate. The last thing she wanted to do was push too hard on this and drag the older girl deeper into her mess.

Despite her roommate’s fretting, the blonde felt she would be fine. It wasn’t like she was starving, after all. She just missed a few meals here or there, and honestly, it wasn’t always on purpose, either. However, for the older girl’s sake, she would concede tonight. There was no need to hash this out and worry Elphaba over a potential eating disorder as well.

“I’m going to sit you down at your vanity, okay?” Elphaba stated.

“Elphie, I can walk,” the blonde tried to argue, conceding with a small laugh as she was scooped up bridal style.

Galinda had always loved being picked up. Be it something about being dainty or the inherent affection present in the action, it never failed to make the blonde smile when she was lifted into the air. She clung slightly to the green girl, nuzzling herself under her chin.

As she was set down gently in her chair, she planted a kiss on the older girl’s cheek, lovingly thanking her for the free ride. Elphaba returned the gesture with a peck to the crown of the younger girl’s head before she went off to retrieve the fruit she had brought back from breakfast earlier, mindful of the big brown eyes watching her.

She returned to where the blonde was sitting with an orange in her hand, carefully peeling away the rind for her roommate. She knew from breakfasts shared before that Galinda hated the feeling of pulp under her fingernails, having her complain on several occasions. Already expecting the younger girl’s potential food issues, she didn’t want to make things any harder on her.

As she handed off the peeled orange to her, using the bottom of the rind as a sort of plate for the fruit, she went back to get her a glass of water as well. If there was one thing Galinda was always on top of, it was drinking enough water. Goodness knows, from the number of times she’d suddenly run off to the bathroom in a day.

However, Elphaba now wonders if that’s what she was really doing.

The unfortunate and unfixable truth was that she didn’t know, nor could she ever be certain. Yes, she had learned the Blonde’s tells and how she acted when something was wrong but… She had concealed her self-harm habit from the older girl for the last three months, despite the pair living together. She was fully reliant on what Galinda told her and what she could pick up on her own.

She watched as her roommate ate her orange, carefully. Elphaba had noticed since school had started that Galinda had seemed to lose weight. Weight it seemed, that the younger girl couldn’t afford to lose. She was already small when the pair had met, but now it seemed as if she was shrinking. While Elphaba hadn’t seen her naked prior to today, she recognized the way her bones currently protruded, jutted out just a little too far to feel right.

In truth, Elphaba didn’t know much about eating disorders. She came from a home full of neglect. No one except Dulcibear had ever cared how she looked, aside from the obvious verdigris. She was fed when she was hungry and ate until she was satisfied, and that was that. Despite her lack of experience, though, the older girl could easily see how someone like Galinda could become obsessed over something like this. After all, it was a part of self-image.

Elphaba thought long and hard about confronting her but decided that after this morning, the girl deserved a chance to rest. For now, she would research and monitor. Make sure the blonde got something in her system.

She sat the water down next to her and watched as Galinda finished the fruit, looking for any signs of distress from the younger girl.

The blonde showed none. She sipped at the water, staying put.

Elphaba sighed. Maybe she was just on edge? It was totally normal for people to just naturally fall on the smaller side, and she didn’t want to shame her roommate if that was the case. She also didn’t want to mention it and accidentally validate it if she was intentionally depriving herself. For now, all she could do was watch.

She hated how powerless it made her feel.

Chapter Text

As Galinda sat the now-empty glass down on her vanity, she looked over at her roommate, feeling green eyes glued to her, observing as she ate the fruit in front of her. It was as if Elphaba was watching the bites make their way from her hand to her mouth, down her throat. Sadly for the blonde, it wouldn’t be the first time someone had.

Galinda recalled the frequent nights spent at her family’s mahogany dining table, staring down at an exquisite (and large) meal placed in front of her. While her popsicle was often still away at work by the time dinner rolled around, her Momsie had made it a point to always sit with the blonde, and had since she was in a high chair. After saying grace, head bowed and eyes closed, she would always wait for her mother to take the first bite. It was the proper thing to do, a traditional way to show respect to the head of a household. Given Popsicle was away, that title would fall to the lady Upland.

Her Momsie always had an odd structure to how she ate, Galinda noticed. She would take her fork, carefully select a bite, and chew it for seemingly minutes on end, all without swallowing. Then, she would wait for a few minutes, sipping the complimentary wine she had poured to pair with whatever they were having that night. They never spoke at the table, at least not directly.

However, the blonde could gather everything she needed from the look on her mother’s face, the direction of her piercing eyes. She was watching the then-teen girl, similar to how her roommate had just minutes ago. The feeling automatically straightened the blonde’s spine despite her instinct telling her to curl in on herself.

Galinda had grown up with those piercing eyes on her every move. She had been instructed from a young age on how to present herself, how to live. She knew to sit upright, knew what fork to take, knew how to set her glass down.

The Blonde recalled one of the few times the pair had spoken over dinner when she was around twelve or thirteen years old. Instead of the usual starch-and-fat-rich meals the girl usually had, there was just a salad in front of her on this particular night. After saying grace, her Momsie looked up at her, eyebrows raised in the way they always were when the older woman had a lesson to share.

“You know, Galinda, as a lady gets older, there is a lot she needs to consider during the dinner hour,” She spoke, her voice soft but authoritative, the way Galinda knew a lady’s should be.

“Yes, mother…” The younger responded, silently checking down the list of things she knew to do.

Her posture was straight. Her ankles crossed and knees together. She was put together and had grabbed the correct fork for the leafy greens sitting before her. Quietly, her brows knit, wondering what this lecture was about.

“Galinda. Look at me, please.”

The Blonde obliged, focusing on keeping herself polished.

“Thank you, sweetie. I need you to pay attention, this will be very important as you begin to court suitors.”

So that’s what this was about, the younger upland thought, careful to keep her facial expression neutral. She wanted a suitor, sure; she wanted a charming prince or dashing baron to scoop her off her feet and ride off into the sunset with her, but… it was so much effort.

She only hoped that all the hard work she put into it earned her a good man who at least treated her well.

“You see, Galinda, as a girl grows into a lady, her body is not the same. I trust your instructors have taught you about this in your sciences already.”

“Yes, Momsie.” She confirmed.

“Good.” She smiled, warm, but not quite meeting her eyes. “Well, when all of that happens, sometimes ladies lose their girlish figures. While that isn’t a bad thing, if she grows well into more… mature… features, it is very important, especially at your age, to begin paying attention to what you eat and how it can affect that figure.”

Galinda’s eyes met hers before quickly looking down at herself, fearful that that was what her mother had been calling attention to earlier.

“Do not fret, honey.” She reassured endearingly. “You’re young still. You’ve yet to even lose your baby fat.” Galinda looked back up to find her still smiling, slightly wider than before.

She soothed just a bit.

“Just consider that going forward, okay? I would hate for you to lose out on the most eligible suitors due to something as fixable as your size. Especially because you have such beautiful features.” She gently reached across the table, breaking the rules Galinda had etched into her brainstem to gently pinch a still-chubby cheek.

“Yes, Momsie,” she had replied, crooning slightly into the affection with a softhearted smile.

“Good. I love you, my dear.” Galinda remembered saying it back.

After that, it seemed like every meal had a new element to it. Instead of just watching to instruct and critique her daughter’s table manners, Lady Upland paid good attention to the young girl’s plate as well, including what was and was not eaten off it.

While she would never outright tell the girl that she had eaten too much or shamed her food habits in plain English, she would often let the blonde know how she felt with perfectly practiced raised eyebrows. Galinda knew that was her cue to set the fork down and wait to be excused, shame wracking through her body.

Now, feeling her roommate’s eyes on her, she felt the same shame rise within her. She knew her Elphie wasn’t trying to upset her and was likely looking for any potential symptoms or tells of a bigger issue between the blonde and food. Still, her beautiful green eyes killed any appetite that she may have still had.

Galinda remembered a lecture from an elective class she was taking about a scientist named Pavlov, who wanted to train his dogs to associate a sound with an action. Every night, he would go and ring a bell before feeding the hounds dinner. Eventually, whenever he would ring the bell, the dogs would begin to salivate, regardless of when they had last eaten.

Galinda felt the reverse of that. Every time she felt watchful eyes on her, her appetite shrunk into oblivion regardless of how famished she was. It didn’t matter if she’d had three bites or thirty; the feeling of shame flowing through her filled her up fine.

“I can take the rind if you’d like…” Elphaba offered suddenly, interrupting the blonde’s internal monologue.

Having watched the younger girl for the last several minutes, she had seen how she went from relaxed, comfortable in her chair to stark straight, halfway glaring at the floor.

If only she could see into Galinda’s mind.

Elphaba wanted nothing more than to peel back all the masks the blonde had donned until she was faced with nothing but the whole truth of the girl. But she knew she couldn’t; knew that when Galinda felt the time was right, she would tell her. For as little as she trusted her, Elphaba had to give credit where credit was due; She had been vulnerable with her. While there were still many different layers to unravel, the blonde had made impressive progress tonight. Exhausting progress, too.

Galinda looked up from where she was staring.

“It’s okay, I can toss it.”

She rose to her feet, brushing the weight of her memories from her shoulders as she made the short trek to the trash can.

Her vision still blurred lightly with white dots and black splotches, yet she felt much better than before she sat. Her steps came sure to her, and the ground was, for once, even beneath her feet. Still, she felt those eyes staring through her, even with her back turned to the older girl. It wouldn’t do. She couldn’t do it.

“Elphie?” she called, tone light in the way she’d learned to speak to boys.

“Hm?”

Galinda sat on her bed, inviting.

“You know, it’s been a long day for you, too… you should let me take care of you now…”

The older girl looked apprehensive. She didn’t want to take any extra energy from the blonde right now. Not with everything else going on.

Still, it might be a good way to get her mind off things, give her something to do. Cautiously, she obliged.

“What did you have in mind?” She asked, tilting her head softly.

“Have you ever done a face mask?”

Elphaba frowned softly. She hadn’t.

In truth, she had never cared much about skin care. Of course, she washed her face and practiced basic hygiene, but that’s about where her experience with it ended. The green girl had never felt quite right doing the fun, extra stuff. She felt like it was wasted on her. That someone of her likeness was undeserving of such a lighthearted luxury.

But Galinda wanted to do a face mask with her. And Galinda was an expert in this sort of thing, after all.

With a small sigh, the older girl agreed, glee shining through the layer of unease she felt.

The blonde squeaked in excitement, as she so often did, hopping up to grab her supplies and instructing her roommate to lie down on her bed.

Elphaba had barely gotten settled when she felt the weight of bony hips atop her waist. The Blonde's smile was contagious, reaching from her lips to her cheeks, leaving crow’s feet on the edges of brown eyes.

Oz, she was gorgeous, Elphaba thought to herself as the younger girl leaned down.

Before putting the mask on her roommate’s face, Galinda stole a chaste kiss, gentle but fast.

“Oz, Elphie…” She marveled quietly. “You’re so beautiful...”

The older girl said nothing but swallowed, smiling softly.

It was a challenge getting used to the casual praise that spilled from the younger girl's lips. How was it that she got so lucky? Just months prior, she was practically forgotten until something went wrong, nothing more than the family scapegoat.

Now, here she was, face to face with perfection veiled by a wave of golden curls. Perfection looked at her with deep, loving eyes- eyes that held universes but found more interest in staring into her own. Perfection that trusted her enough to expose its flaws. On second thought, it was unfair to call Galinda perfect. It wasn’t her. Galinda was more than the silly masks she felt compelled to wear.

Elphaba doesn’t care that the blonde isn’t perfect. In fact, she prefers it. She knew Galinda was a mess deep down, despite having no clue how deep her brokenness ran. Yet, for all of her insecurities and guarded secrets, the older girl could feel the way love radiated off of her, the way she cared for her.

The way she was willing to waste her ungodly expensive product on green skin, not looking to fix or change it but rather to pamper her roommate as she is, was, and always would be.

The way she knew Galinda preferred her.

The cool, gel-like substance felt like heaven against the girl’s green skin. It was relaxing, soothing, and smelled amazing, though she couldn’t quite put her finger on the scent itself. To make matters even better, the blonde gently massaged it in, carefully applying pressure in all the right places with delicate fingers.

When she was done putting the mask on, Galinda pulled away. She looked down at her handiwork and smiled.

“I mean it, you know.” She affirmed softly, still straddling the older girl’s waist.

“Hm?”

Elphaba couldn’t decide between staring up into her doe eyes, letting herself fully absorb what was about to come, or closing her own eyes in the name of shielding herself, saving potential face but losing the full effect of whatever the angel perched on her was about to say.

In the end, the blonde didn’t give her a chance, speaking too quickly for her roommate to decide.

“You’re beautiful, Elphaba Thropp. Like, actually stunning.”

Those doe eyes were unwavering, leaving no tell of anything but pure truthfulness.

Elphaba felt her face relax into something of a frown. She had never learned how to respond to being called beautiful, never been called beautiful before.

“Just… wanted to make sure you knew.” The blonde finished, reaching to hold her hand. She noted that she didn’t mind the way she stared at her.

Not now. Not when those green eyes were so full of the same love and adoration that they couldn’t possibly be mistaken.

Chapter Text

According to the jar, the face mask was supposed to sit for up to an hour. Regardless, Galinda swore she always used it overnight and that it was most effective that way. Glancing at the clock, Elphaba reckoned she still should do something with the few hours left in the day before it was time to start winding down for bed.

“This won’t drip everywhere if I sit up, will it?” she questioned softly.

“No, but you’re supposed to be relaxing, so…”

The older girl sat up regardless.

“I am relaxing, my sweet. I just want to research while I relax.”

“That doesn’t sound very relaxing to me…”

The older girl smiled, the now hardened mask crinkling around her lips at the action.

“Well, it is. How about we compromise?” She proposed. “I grab my books, and you get to sit with me while I work?”

The blonde looked down, her eyebrows knit as she thought about it.

“Fine. But I wanna be on your lap.” She bargained.

“That can be arranged.”

With that, Elphaba stood, making her way to the sizable stack of books perched on the corner of her desk. After grabbing the first two atop the stack, the ones she’d picked up on Self-Harm and various eating disorders respectively, she made her way back to the plush pink bed.

Galinda peered at the two books the older girl grabbed, both about the same size and style. She had seen the first one before but, in her distress, had missed the second. Quietly, to herself, she read the spine.

‘The Clinical Manual of Eating Disorders, Volume 3’, she thought, scoffing to herself. There was no way that held any weight beyond the project Elphaba was working on.

“Maybe you should start on that one”, she offered, pointing to the blue hard-covered spine. “You know, given everything you’ve dealt with today... You’re supposed to be relaxing, after all.”

The thought behind it was simple. If she read about the psychology behind self-harm, then she would relate that information back to Galinda’s personal mental health. Even though the younger girl was doing much better today than last night, she was certain her roommate would still worry up a storm about her.

When she was met with silence, she continued.

“Since neither of us struggle with that, it might be easier on you… so you don’t have to worry so much while you read.”

Elphaba stared at her.

Again, the older girl faced the same mental debate as she had before; To tell her what she knows and let Galinda freak out about it, or to keep quiet for now and instead silently bear the brunt of her own anxiety over the younger girl’s wellbeing.

Unfortunately, Galinda was not going to make that choice easy for her.

“What? Is something wrong? Was that something you used to struggle with, too?” The blonde worried, bright red.

How embarrassifiying of her to not have recognized that maybe her roommate had struggled with it too, especially since she picked it up for the same project as before.

“Actually, I’ve never really thought about that,” Elphaba retorted, soothing but calculated.

She was aware that admitting her concerns might send the younger girl into overdrive, especially since she had just mentioned the whole self-harm thing this morning. Besides, it wasn’t like she actually knew anything about the blonde’s health.

She wasn’t a doctor, or a nurse, or any sort of caretaker. She was simply a concerned friend. Maybe more than friend? That was another problem for another day.

“Well, then why look at me like that?? Do you think I have one?”

Galinda looked less alarmed and more confused, which the older girl thought of as a good sign. Maybe she was fine after all.

“Truthfully, I have no clue.” She replied, with the same soothing tone.

“I don’t.” Galinda spat out.

The Blonde’s tone was blunter, sharper. She looked dead into her roommate’s green eyes, her face grave- almost pissed. Beneath the surface, however, her weak heart raced not in indignation or anger but rather fear.

Elphaba sighed, frowning softly. Her brows knit in worry, and she could feel the knot in her stomach retying itself. Still, she wasn’t going to get into this with the younger girl. Not tonight. So instead, she reached out, setting the book down and pulling her close.

“You wanted on my lap, right?”

Galinda hmphed but agreed, accepting the ceasefire for now. She didn’t really want to get into it anyway, after all.

Her tired heart slowed back into its resting pace.

She always loved bantering with the older girl, but actually fighting with her did nothing but hurt.

‘Oz knows Elphaba has enough on her plate without constant fretting over me, Galinda thought to herself as she was gently tugged up by strong arms. The older girl had dealt with a lifetime supply of her histrionics already. And to think, it had only been twelve or so hours since she first began figuring these things out.

“You’re sure you want me up here?” the younger girl asked, suddenly self-conscious.

Elphaba looked down, seeing big fawn eyes staring back up at her.

“I wouldn’t have put you up here if I didn’t.” She assured, rubbing a soothing thumb against the soft of her arm.

The blonde didn’t fight it, instead leaning back and resting her weight against the older girl. Elphie smiled, gently shifting her in her arms so that she could also hold the book.

“Would you like to read with me?” She offered a sort of white flag in a way.

Maybe if her roommate did the same research she did, then, Elphaba hoped, if she really was struggling, she would be willing to talk about it. At least maybe it would open her eyes.

Either way, she could tell by how the younger girl had spoken to her earlier that she wasn’t lying- that didn’t prove she wasn’t sick. It could very well mean that she still was sick but just wasn’t aware of it herself.

The thought of that being the case almost scared Elphaba more than Galinda lying to her face. She knew how poorly the girl would take that news.

She glanced down at the ball of pink, cozy in her arms, for an answer. She would let her decide if this is the road she wanted to go down.

Galinda stared at the book, frowning softly. She knew what eating disorders were and that they could be very serious. But she wasn’t sick.

Yes, she was conscious of her figure. Yes, she had been influenced to value her appearance from a young age. But that was what her Momsie had taught her. Momsie would never enforce something that harmful.

Sure, the pair had their spats, and Galinda had spent nights alone in her room crying, but that’s every mother/teen daughter relationship. That’s also no proof her mother would willingly curse her with something as imperfect as an eating disorder. In fact, nearly every step her mother took was in favor of perfecting the blonde in some way.

Still, Elphaba was concerned about her.

The younger girl nodded. If she read along, she could likely help refute some of the worry the older girl had about her. Worry, she knew came from love.

Galinda felt bad for snapping at her earlier. She didn’t mean to sound angry or upset the girl as she knew she had. She knew her Elphie cared about her and just wanted her okay.

Her heartstrings tugged again, explanations threatening to bubble up from the dastardly organ and out her mouth. But the blonde knew better than to spill her guts to the older girl.

Elphaba was so many things. Kind, loving, and brave. But on top of that all she was horrindably overloaded. She had to constantly study for all the same classes Galinda did. At the same time, she was involved with independent research with both Morrible and Dr. Dillamond. All the while, she made sure she held her head high in the face of all the bullying, harassment, and borderline discrimination she faced. She was so strong.

But she was so clearly at her capacity, too.

The thought of Elphaba knowing every secret about the blonde scared her less and less as the day went on. She was so accepting of her imperfections.

She comforted her when she’d cried.

She tended to her self-inflicted cuts.

She watched her kiss the boyfriend she was using her to cheat on.

All the while, she didn’t judge. In fact, she checked in on Galinda more after she found her crying. She held her closer, differently, when she discovered the blonde’s cuts- careful not to disturb them. She kissed her forehead and teased her gently when the blonde bound back to her after Fiyero leaves.

The least the blonde could do was hold herself together to allow Elphaba the space to thrive.

Elphaba cradled the blonde closer in her arms as she opened the dusty teal cover.

The smell of an old book filled the blonde’s nose, and she immediately recognized it as the part of Elphaba’s scent that she had been missing.

‘Lavender. Patchouli. Old book,’ she noted softly. Given the means, she would love the mixture in a candle.

Though a candle would be nothing short of settling when she has what she does now. It couldn’t provide the warmth of her roommate’s loving arms or the soothing rhythm of her lungs rising and falling against the younger girl’s side.

Outside, she could hear the tell-tale patter of rain against glass.

“Morrible must be off for the weekend”, Elphaba noted.

The sound of her voice vibrated through the younger girl’s core, echoing through her head from the spot where it connected with her green chest. Luckily for the blonde, today was the rare occasion, she had left the first few buttons on her shirt undone, allowing for skin to skin contact with the blonde’s cheek.

“Mm, I don’t wanna think about Morrible right now.” Galinda pouted.

The older girl chuckled, sweet and smooth like honey.

I could stay like this forever, the blonde thought to herself. Above her, Elphie felt the same.

As she flipped the page to one full of actual content, Galinda drew forward, losing contact with the older girl’s chest.

It wasn’t that she couldn’t see the words, but rather that they all blurred together. Galinda always had this problem with reading. Often, she would mix up the order of words or letters inside them. It’s something she’d always struggled with, and no matter how much she read, it didn’t get better.

“Can you see it okay?” Elphaba asked, bringing the book closer.

“mmhm…”

Galinda stayed hunched, squinting. Focused.

“Galinda?”

“m?”

“What if I just read aloud to you?”

The younger girl looked up for a second.

“I can read it, I promise you…” She doubled down. “I’m just a slow reader. I’ve never been good at it.”

“Glin, I know you don’t like reading.”

Despite having heard it once before, Galinda’s heart soared at the new nickname her roommate had gifted her. Glin. It was short, simple, and so adorable.

No one had ever given her a nickname before. Not even any of her friends.

She loved it.

Grinning, she leaned back against the older girl.

“Is that a yes, Galinda?”. Her voice reverberated again.

Galinda just nodded softly, curling in deeper so that she was comfortable. Elphie was right, she hated reading. But she loved Elphaba, and she loved this.

The gentle vibration of the older girl’s voice reverberated through her cheek as if she was hearing double. Regardless, the smooth and thick voice Elphie read to her had the same effect on the girl as a blanket fresh from the dryer. Listening, the blonde shut her eyes, a lazy smile wrapped across her face.

The truth was, she wasn’t paying attention to the words, despite that originally being the point of her reading along. How could she when her whole body was filled with a satisfied, cozy warmth?

Elphaba glanced down at the blonde curled up in her arms. She looked so peaceful, so at ease.

The sight made the older girl’s worries settle.

Galinda may be sick. She may not be sick. She was adamant she wasn’t.

Elphaba didn’t know. What she did know, though, was that right now, she was safe. Comfortable. Happy.

She closed the book. Oz knew Galinda wasn’t paying attention anyway. Besides, she couldn’t get any sort of actual research done right now.

Not with the way the blonde’s steady breath ghosted across her collarbone. Or the way her lashes fluttered against the flat of her sternum. Or how she felt her lips just slightly lower, grazing the curve of her breast.

Galinda opened an inquisitive eye, not daring to move any more than that.

“Why’d y’stop..?” She asked, words muddling together as they fought against her pressed-in cheek for space.

“Cause.” The older girl replied, leaning down to rest her own head against the younger girl’s. “You’re not paying attention, and I can’t focus.”

“M? Why’s that...?”

Galinda turned just enough to look up at the older girl, mere inches from her. Elphaba was always beautiful, but from this angle, she was enrapturing.

The blonde had to remind herself to breathe.

“Well,” The older girl started, her voice lowered to a soft, breathy tone. “It’s a little hard to when all I can feel is you on me.”

Galinda’s insides thrummed at the way her voice shifted. Her whole body felt alight with new passions.

“Then maybe you should focus on me, instead…”

Galinda doesn’t know where the words came from. She was surprised she could still even speak.

“Howso?” the older girl mused, lips curling into a grin.

“Well, you can start by kissing me.”

Chapter Text

Elphaba moved in slowly, leaning down towards the blonde’s pouty lips. Her own green lips were slightly parted, ready for whatever the younger girl decided was to come.

Carefully, she closed the gap between her and Galinda, accepting the pace the younger girl began with- slow, as if she wanted to explore every inch of the older girl’s lips. In doing so, she pressed the whole of her body flush against the girl, hands slowly exploring curves currently hidden under her blue button-down.

Elphaba returned the favor with a fervor, green hands carefully making their way to her hips. The sleep shorts she had put on the younger girl this morning were slightly oversized, gaping around her waist and draping loosely against her bony curves.

As she moved, Elphaba was careful to make sure she didn’t accidently pull them down, while still taking advantage of the niches of pale skin left exposed.

The blonde was warm beneath her, skin feeling like a furnace against her once-cold hands. As the older girl smoothed green hands up her exaggerated curves, Galinda deepened the kiss they shared impossibly.

Turning her head to the side to make room for both noses, the younger girl carefully moved her jaw, just lightly flitting her once shut mouth open, receptive. Such a small motion was nevertheless so sinful to the older, green hands clinging to her roommate’s petite waist.

The way Elphaba held her had Galinda’s brain swimming. She whined softly into the touch, crooning closer as her lips parted further. Ambitiously, the older girl pursed her tongue, filling the space cleverly.

The blonde accepted the motion, sensually swirling it with her own.

Nothing had ever felt this way before.

Not with Fiyero. Not with any of the suitors before.

This was a feeling, sudden and new.
She wanted Elphaba so deeply that it ached. But she needed to be careful, good.

After all, she was supposed to be focusing on relieving all the stress she had caused the older girl.

“mm.. Elphie..” she panted out as they parted, spit clinging to her lips. “Elphie… let me- I-I want-“

Galinda postured herself in the way she knew worked. Back slightly arched, eyes lidded, and lips still parted in a seductive pout.

She looked, analyzed.

Before her, a deeper shade of green spread from Elphie’s face to the tips of her ears. Her lips were also parted as her chest rose and fell in a needing pant. Green eyes turned dark; the older girl’s pupils blown as wide as they could.

The blonde bit her lip. She leaned down slightly, suddenly annoyed that the soft sweater she had on was so modest. Her lips ghosted the ever-so-slightly-pointed tip of her lover's ear.

Cautiously, as if not to hurt her roommate, she nipped the green cartilage.

“You should help me get this off you…” she whispered sensually upon releasing the tender flesh.

Elphaba’s hands couldn’t move fast enough, beaten by the blonde’s manicured ones as they undid her, button by button. A gentle, pale hand stroked its way down the exposed green flesh of her chest and stomach, drinking the sight in.

Suddenly, the older girl wishes she had taken into consideration what undergarments she put on this morning. Yet, the bra she’d had since middle school and grannie panties Dulcibear had probably picked up from some department store would have to do. It wasn’t like that was what Galinda was focused on anyways.

As the younger girl undressed her (Both physically and with her eyes), Elphaba realized she didn’t hate the attention. Whenever she looked at herself in the mirror, she always hated it, some mixture of repulsion and shame boiling in her stomach. But something about the adoration obvious in Galinda’s eyes soothed over the usual wounds her verdigris picked at.

She wanted to return the favor.

Slowly, carefully, she reached for the cashmere hem of the blonde’s sweater. Her eyes focused on the younger girl’s face. Watching, searching for any signs of protest.

The Blonde nodded.

Elphaba leaned in, stealing a soft kiss against her lover’s neck before pulling back to allow the pink fabric to slide over the younger girl’s head. She kissed her again, this time on the lips.

As she pulled away, she looked down at the sight before her, already salivating at the thought.

What she was met with ignited something within her. Something deeper, more complex than simple lust.

Wracking her eyes over the gorgeous, beautifully tragic girl in front of her, Elphaba’s stomach and chest flooded with worry.
‘What am I doing?’ she thought to herself as she observed the way pale flesh wrapped tightly around protruding ribs. Her scars were still covered by the Band-Aids the older girl had fought to get her to use earlier that day.

No, they couldn’t do this.

Not now.

Not when Galinda was clearly sick and so vulnerable and clearly using this to distract her from everything she was trying to observe about the younger girl-

The blonde swallowed, fully aware of her roommate’s scrutinizing eyes all over her.

She wanted to hide. To put her sweater back on and forget any of this ever happened.

She wanted to take it back.

Elphie quickly noticed the way the blonde trembled, like an orphaned fawn would at the sight of a coyote. She looked up at the girl.

Dark brown eyes stared back at her, wide and insecure and glossy.

Immediately, Elphaba wrapped her in her arms, the warmth of her skin soothing over the raised goosebumps now spreading across her roommate’s pale body.

“Babygirl…” she whispered, soothingly. It was the same tone she took when she first saw her crying.
The blonde tensed against her but didn’t push her away.

“It isn’t you…” the older girl continued, gently stroking a hand through her golden curls. “It’s not you at all. You’re marvelous, my sweet…”

She felt Galinda tremble in her hold.

“Oh, my sweet…” She cooed, bringing the hand not combing through her hair up to her reddened cheek.

Galinda felt herself break, hot tears rolling down her cheeks.

She didn’t fully understand why she was crying or even how they had gotten to this point. Just seconds ago, their lips were clashing together, hands exploring.

What had changed?

The shift had come nearly as soon as the older girl had removed her shirt, the spark from her eyes nearly immediately dying at the sight.

It must have been something wrong with her.

It had to be.

“Shh…” Her roommate’s voice broke up her thoughts as she was once again wracked with sobs.

“I’m sorry- I-I don’t know what-“
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Galinda.”

The younger girl looked at her, her lip quivering as she held in another round of those awful tears.

This was her fault. She didn’t get to cry.

She killed the mood.

“I want you so badly, baby girl…” Elphaba continued, gently wiping away stray tears from the blonde’s face. “You’re enchanting…”

Galinda wanted to shout back, to argue. If she was so enchanting and marvelous, then why were they here instead of inside each other?

“I couldn’t do that to you. Not when you’re so vulnerable.” The older girl answered as if she could read her thoughts. “I care too much about you.”

“I wanted this…”

Galinda hated how small her voice sounded.

“I know. I do, too.” Elphie continued, “But you’ve gone through so much in the last day… You need rest, my sweet. Besides. I want our first time to be special.”

Galinda practically scowled, hurt masquerading as anger.

“What isn’t special about this?” She spat, softly.

Elphaba stilled, looking the blonde dead in the eyes.

“I don’t want our first time to be you trying to hide yourself from me.” She paused, thinking.

“I want you, Galinda. Not what you think you ought to be. Not what you were taught. Not the mask you’ve crafted for me. I want you… and I don’t want you trying to hide your pain or problems under your sensuality. That isn’t okay.”

Galinda stared, the blood rushing to her face.

She’d never felt so exposed. It was as if those green eyes looked through her flesh and bones and saw everything she hid from the world.

‘Shit,’ she thought to herself. Before she could even finish, strong arms wrapped around her again, pressing her close against the older girl. The smell of lavender, patchouli, and old books filled her nose.

“I’m not mad,” She assured the blonde, feeling the rigid, bony form in her arms soften, slumping against her.

Galinda didn’t say anything. What could she?

Especially now, as she questioned what all her roommate knew. If she could clock that, what else did she know about the blonde?

A warm hand ran soothing circles across her back, feeling up and down all the unhindered divots and rises her bones made against flesh. She relaxed into the touch.

Elphaba wouldn’t hurt her. She was safe.

She knew this.

Regardless, she could feel hot panic rising from the pit of her stomach. Slowly, cautiously, she tried to adjust herself against the older girl- just looking for enough friction to light up the cuts against her side.

Elphaba moved her arm lower, away.

“We’re not doing that.” She stated firmly, taking the blonde’s chin in her hand and gently guiding the blonde to look up at her.

When their eyes locked, the older girl immediately recognized the fear behind those dark brown irises.

“Galinda…” She frowned, watching as the younger girl’s breathing picked up.

She’d seen the girl have a panic attack already today.

Thankfully, she knew how to help, having been left to deal with her own alone since childhood.

“Hey. Look at me.” The older girl commanded, increasing the pressure of her hold to draw the blonde’s attention.

Brown, glossed-over eyes made their way to meet their alert green counterparts.

“Galinda, I want you to give me five things you can see.”

As she spoke, she made sure her words were crisp and clear. Her tone was authoritative but caring. It was the way she assumed a mother would speak to a child about something serious. Not that she’d know.

Galinda swallowed, eyes flitting around the room. Mumbling, she rattled off.

“You… my bed… the lamp… uh… the windows…. Your book…”

Her breathing came slightly easier.

“Good. Thank you.” Elphaba praised, “Now can you give me four things you can hear, please?” Her tone softened as the girl began to walk herself down, no longer needing the rigidity required before.

“Yeah…” She licked her lips. “Yeah… I can hear you… um… the rain outside… the like… the sound the electricity makes, if that counts… um… and myself. I can hear myself.”

“That’s it… you’re doing great, Galinda…” She squeezed her hand. “What about three things you can touch?”

Galinda paused for a second.

‘Good,’ Elphaba thought, knowing she was likely focusing on what was touching her rather than the negative thoughts that had caused this.

“Your hand’s on mine… um… the bed’s underneath me… and… and the bandaids are stuck to my side, still…”

Her shoulders relaxed slightly, adding, “I’m still shirtless...”

“Do you want to keep going or fix that real quick?”

“Mmm…” the blonde replied.

Elphaba grabbed her sweater anyways.

“Give me two things you smell, my sweet…” the older girl asked as she gently put it back over her head.

Galinda answered without much hesitation.

“Lavender and patchouli. Old book, too.”

Elphaba kissed her forehead. The younger girl was certainly present, at least to some degree.

“Do you wanna do the last one? You seem to be doing better…”

The younger girl nodded, liking the way Elphaba treated her when she did the task assigned.

“Okay, then can you give me something you can taste?”

Galinda thought about it for a second. She could taste something, though she wasn’t fully sure what. But it was sort of vanilla-y, with a coconut twist.

Her eyebrows knitted in thought. She paused.

“I think it’s your lip balm.” She finally answered, looking up to see the older girl’s reaction.

She wasn’t kidding, it totally was her lip balm, but… she didn’t want anything to come off as an advance.

Especially after she’d just been rejected.

Elphaba chuckled, relieved to see her friend back. She soothed her over softly and brought her back into a deep hug.

“Thank you.” She said softly. “I hope it’s as tasty as yours.”

Galinda relaxed softly at her roommate’s newfound playfulness. Maybe she hadn’t totally screwed the pooch yet.

Maybe it was okay that the older girl knew more and more about her.

With a yawn, she curled close against the older girl’s still-bare chest, enjoying the warmth of soft skin against her face. Maybe it was okay for her to let Elphie in. She wasn’t treated any different for it.

That was a later decision. For now, the blonde was tired of thinking and would rather just be held for the moment.

Chapter Text

As the rain continued to pour down outside, the sky below glowed deep orange with the setting sun.

Elphaba glanced at the clock, its hands reading 5:31 PM. Around dinner time.

She looked down at the blonde, still curled up against her mostly bare chest. While she couldn’t see her face through the mess of golden tresses, she could tell by the steadfast nature of the younger girl’s breathing and the way her bony form relaxed into her own body that she was nearly asleep, if not already out.

Still, she only had an orange today. She needed an actual meal. Especially if she was purposefully skipping out on them elsewhere.

Elphaba sighed, gently running a green hand up her roommate’s back.

“Galinda?”

“Mm?” the blonde responded, stirring slightly.

Galinda gathered all the mental strength she had to pull herself away from the warmth of her lover’s skin, untucking her chin enough to look up at the older girl.

“We still need to eat dinner, you know?”

Elphaba rubbed soothing circles with her thumb against the sleepy blonde’s back, hoping the motion would calm her should the thought of dinner upset her.

She really needed to get more research done so she could stop walking on eggshells about these things.

Galinda sighed, lips forming a rehearsed pout.

“But I’m comfy.”

“Food is more important. How about this… I'll go fetch us something quickly while you get your rest, okay?” The older girl offered, hoping Galinda would budge.

To her surprise, the blonde dramatically flopped to the side with a groan, allowing her up.

The younger girl huffed.

“Fiiiine, but make it fast. And I want a salad if they have one tonight.” She whined out.

“I’ll be quick, my sweet,” Elphaba promised, retrieving her button-down from where it had been flung off her. The Blonde watched lazily, licking her lips.

As Elphaba redressed herself, Galinda’s eyes traced down from her collarbone, following the swell of her breast as it turned into flat rib. She followed how the top of her abdomen rose and fell with each calm breath the older girl took, observing how the flat area just below her ribs morphed into the faintest outline of abdominal muscles.

Elphie did not look like the models her Momsie put on a pedestal. She had just a little pudge stored at the bottom of her tummy, settled nicely in a small pouch. Her hips were wide and soft, and her thighs were swollen with strong, defined muscle.

She even had hair climbing out of her plain black panties, all the way up to a little above her belly button.

Regardless, she was the most beautiful thing Galinda’s ever seen. The way she looked against the setting sun outside reminded her of those classical statues Dr. Dillamond talked about- the ones the Greeks made.

Out of all the things that goat harped on throughout the semester, the thought of Aphrodite stuck out to Galinda right now.

The blonde remembers wrinkling her nose when he first spoke about her with the other Greek gods, intrigued by the title she held, yet put off by the people’s interpretation of the goddess. By her frame of reference, the goddess of beauty should reflect beauty standards, right?

She should be slender, lean- almost bony, with big eyes and pouty lips and long pretty hair that was easy to stroke through. That was the current beauty standard and had been held as such for practically forever.

Yet, as Dillamond had described the depictions of her, Aphrodite was not that. She was described as pale and somewhat plump, with long, curly strawberry blonde hair and a large nose. Galinda had seen the paintings he had brought in. The description matched.

Despite the goddess not fitting what the blonde knew to be considered beautiful, Galinda thought she was gorgeous. Maybe she didn’t fit the mold, sure, but she was still gorgeous. Mouthwateringly so.

She felt the same way about Elphaba, sighing as she watched the older girl hide her green curves, button by button. She knew there would likely be later times for her to marvel at the older girl, but that didn’t help when she wasn’t done looking now.

After finishing dressing herself again, Elphaba glanced in the mirror to make sure nothing was out of place, noticing the pair of boba-like eyes behind her. Staring, pouting.

She couldn’t help but smile.

Turning on her heel, the older girl smoothed over her lover’s messy bedhead, planting a peck to her forehead- a farewell before she was off to brave the dining hall.

“Mm, a real one?” the younger girl pleaded, crooning up on her knees.

Elphaba tsked, making a show of rolling her eyes and sighing theatrically.

“What am I going to do with you?”

“Kiss me, I’d hope.”

With a chuckle, she leaned in. Her green hand gently cradled the younger girl’s cheek as she obliged with her request, pecking her gently on the lips.

Galinda pursued the kiss with another, chasing after soft green lips as they pulled away.

Elphaba allowed it.

The blonde kissed her for as long as her roommate would let her, each one deeper than the last. At the slip of tongue, the older girl finally pulled away with a chuckle.

“And now you’re done.” She chided.

Galinda huffed, though her playful show of annoyance didn’t hold any water. Not when she heard the rich warmth of the older girl’s laugh, pulling her lips into a smile on near instinct.

“Now, before I go, do you have any other requests for dinner tonight? I know you want a salad…”

Galinda thought for a second.

“I want a peach, too. Or cherries. One or the other?”

“Not both?”

“Both is a lot of food for one girl, Elphie…” Her tone was teasing, light.

Still, her words pricked a bit of concern in the older girl’s mind.

“Anything to drink?” She asked, seeming casual to mask any worry.

“Just water or tea, please. Bonus points if you bring back some more of that bedtime blend, they have. We’re out.”

“Got it. I’ll be back.”

With one last stolen kiss, Elphaba left- her mind wandering once more as she passed through the halls of Shiz.

After the door shut loudly behind her, Galinda took a beat to make sure her partner-friend-roommate (she didn’t know anymore) was actually off to the dining hall before reaching for the book left behind on the younger girl’s bed.

It was the same, blue-covered book from earlier- the one about eating disorders. Despite her insistence, the blonde could tell her Elphie was still not convinced that she was okay.

Which meant it was time for plan B: Stooping down to Elphaba’s level.

Getting out of bed, Galinda grabbed a pink pen and highlighter from her things, hoping she could settle this for once and for all. She wasn’t worried about marking the pages- Elphaba had once mentioned the librarian did some sorcery shit to the books that erased anything that wasn’t originally there. She just wanted to prove her case.

She set the book down on Elphaba’s desk (her own too cluttered with makeup and hair products to offer any real study space), grabbing a blanket off the older girl’s bed and settling into the chair her roommate so often frequented. Even just sitting there made her feel more studious, as if the nature of the older girl was starting to rub off on her.

Oh, Oz, she wished Elphaba would rub off on her.

Despite her current attempt to actually focus, the thoughts of earlier still danced through her head. Once she proved herself healthy, she would hopefully actually sleep with the older girl. Oz knew she needed it, too. She had to be so stressed.

But there would be no stress relief for either girl if Galinda couldn’t first ease her lover’s mind.

With that, she sat up straight in her chair, flipping open the book and looking for any clues as to where Elphaba might look first.

Despite the way the words jumbled, letters seeming out of order if present at all, the blonde persisted, finding what she was looking for in the table of contents, under a section labeled: “Restrictive Eating Disorders.”

If Elphie thought she had something, it would most likely fall under that category, she figured, flipping to the page.

Uncapping her highlighter, Galinda got to work, fighting each page for its knowledge.

The Blonde figured she would read this out, find the symptoms and tells of whatever the older girl thought she had, and highlight all the ones she didn’t fit. Then, her roommate would come home to the book still open to that page, read through it, and realize that she was, in fact, being silly and concede that Galinda was fine.

Then they would fuck (Hopefully).

In actuality, Galinda was finding that her highlighter received far less work than she thought it would. In fact, she was nearing the halfway mark on the first page and had nothing to show for it. Though she hadn’t yet gotten to the symptoms. Or the section that read out “Diagnostic Criteria,” whatever that meant. Still, so far, what she had read actually rang just a little bit too true. The section was mostly on how restrictive eating disorders form, and one of the main points was parental influence and societal expectations of weight and size.

Galinda frowned, taking to gnawing lightly on the back end of her (so far) unused highlighter.

She reckoned she could highlight at least some of it, given it had to do with weight. She knew she was small, but they didn’t have a scale, so it was kind of irrelevant. Besides, even if it was relevant, there was no way in hell her roommate would allow her to weigh herself at the moment and would likely feel more distressed if she knew the younger girl had.

So, Galinda would just go ahead and highlight all of that, knowing she couldn’t really be called on her bluff either way.

As she continued, she skipped ahead just a bit to the section she’d seen earlier- the “diagnostic Criteria”. A brief description below the heading explained to her that this is what a doctor would need to observe to diagnose someone with an eating disorder. In this case, the specific disorder was something called ‘Anorexia Nervosa’

Whatever the fuck that meant.

Galinda rolled her eyes at the clinical language, anxious to finally mark the page up and prove herself to the older girl.

The first criterion was, thankfully, weight-related. Meaning it got de facto highlighting, because Galinda truly didn’t know. She’d argue that not knowing her weight meant she couldn’t have an Eating Disorder, because that was like, the whole shebang, right?

However, the more and more she read on, the less confident she became in that conclusion.

The next criterion was an intense fear of gaining weight. This one was a bit tricky because there wasn’t any further definition of what an intense fear was. Galinda stared at it, deep in thought.

Truth be told, she was a little scared of gaining weight. She knew the shame and disapproval that would come her way if she did and how it could affect her prospects and her overall future. Further, she had a full closet of clothes that fit her perfectly as she was.

That wasn’t to say she was intensely afraid of gaining weight. Sure, she avoided it and worked hard to stay in shape, but it wasn’t like she ran screaming at the thought. After thinking it over for a minute, she highlighted just the word “Intense” in an act of compromise and continued down the list.

The third criterion had something to do with the perception of body image, which Galinda again struggled to understand. Reading on, however, the book referenced things like frequent weight checks or body measurements with a tape measurer. Galinda highlighted them, but kept the tape measurer idea in the back of her head.

Another example the book gave was frequent checks in the mirror, especially around areas the individual perceived were ‘fat’. The blonde once again felt a small twinge of anxiety. She couldn’t even deny this one, she knew. Elphaba had literally watched her do this.

She looked back over the diagnostic criteria one last time, allowing herself to be soothed over by the presence of pink ink over each of the three bullet points. Even if only one was fully highlighted, it still had to mean something, right?

Despite her small victory, she put the book away for the time being. She knew Elphie would be back with dinner any minute, and didn’t care to worry her anymore today.

Chapter Text

Galinda jumped at the sound of the door creaking open, happy she’d stepped away from her roommate’s desk mere seconds ago. While she was pleased her roommate was home, she wanted her little research project to stay a secret til it was discovered, lest the older girl figure out Galinda CAN read and put her to work elsewhere.

Besides, they had to eat dinner first.

Galinda could feel her stomach rumble. She was actually excited about her salad and fruit, especially since she’d essentially gone all day without eating. With everything, she figured she earned it.

‘Now would someone with an eating disorder think like that??’ The blonde thought to herself smugly, hurrying over to help Elphaba carry everything in.

The older girl handed her a somewhat heavy paper bag, sitting her own down at her desk.

“Where would you like to eat?” she asked, knowing there was really no space to eat in the room but on the floor.

Thankfully, they both kept up on cleaning well enough. The floor would do, especially since they had eaten there before on several occasions.

In fact, dinners in the room were a somewhat common occurrence. When either girl was sick, or too busy, or just tired of social interaction, they would often get their meals to go, pulling down pillows and blankets to make the floor comfortable before sitting down and eating together.

In secret, Galinda loved these days. It was time away from the world. Time to just exist, without any expectation or standard to uphold.

She felt a lot more comfortable eating in the room.

Though as she pulled a pillow from her bed and sat down with her food, she once again felt her roommate’s eyes on her.

Quickly, she looked up, meeting them.

“Whatcha looking at?” She asked, trying to leave her tone playful.

She knew what Elphaba was looking for, why she was watching her. But she didn’t want to clue her into that fact, merely for her ability to feign innocence.

“A girl can’t admire her beautiful roommate anymore?” Elphaba teased back, returning the same energy.

Galinda giggled but bit her lip hesitantly. While she was happy to flirt and be flirted with, that didn’t solve the issue that would inevitably come with the older girl continuing to monitor her as she ate.

Which she didn’t want to have to talk about aloud, knowing that her roommate would take it as proof of the eating disorder she now knew she didn’t have. She highlighted all three, in a way, so she was in the clear. But she didn’t want to get into that fight at all.

She was drained from everything today.

This was both the most vulnerable she’d ever been and the most masked- all at the same time.

Being an enigma was hard. Harder than being perfect.

“Do you want me to stop?” the older girl offered, seeing the stress knit across Galinda’s face.

Galinda felt like she could have melted, feeling hot red rising to her cheeks as she nodded.

She didn’t know where all this emotion was coming from.

She was fine seconds ago.

She needed to get a grip.

Galinda was usually very good at controlling her emotions, always keeping a level head and sound mind as her Momsie had taught her. It was something she was justly proud of, as it was a hard-fought skill to learn.

Growing up, she had just as much of a temper as her mother apparently did when she was a little girl. Many relatives had commented on it, and while it was something she was proud of, it was something her Momsie sought to cull, and quickly.

Every time she raised her voice, or stomped her foot, or cried, there was some equal and opposite reaction from her mother. Be it a flick, a slap, or a spanking, her actions never went unpunished by the older upland.

She’d learned, through years of painful fights and arguments, that it was better for everyone if she just fixed her face, smiled, and maybe raised her brows if it truly warranted it.

“That’s a yes, then.”

Elphaba’s voice pulled her from her thoughts, reminding her of where she was and what was happening.

“I’ll stop. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was upsetting to you.”

Galinda paused, looking at her.

“I’m fine, truth be told. Sure, it isn’t ideal but-“

“You don’t like it. That’s okay. I know not to now,” the older girl interjected.

She wouldn’t let the blonde justify her own discomfort. Especially not now.

Elphaba may have been concerned about the younger girl’s eating habits, but that didn’t justify making her uncomfortable. Further, her main goal was to just make sure she was fed and well. That would be much harder if the blonde wasn’t comfortable while she ate.

Though looking up at her now, Galinda looked as if she was waiting to be scolded, or worse.

Her chin was tucked ever so slightly closer to her chest than usual, her normally perfect posture just barely curled in.

It was practically unnoticeable, and yet all Elphaba could focus on.

“Galinda, what’s wrong...?” the older girl prodded, hoping the gentleness in her tone could coax the blonde into soothing.

She understood being uncomfortable with conflict, but that was never really her Galinda. Further, she’d never seen this behavior from her.

She looked like she was prepared to get hit.

“It’s nothing, nothing at all!” the younger girl insisted, straightening her posture and polishing her body language instantly.

While impressive, it was a sad sight to witness.

“Galinda, seriously. I’m not upset with you- I won’t be upset with you if you tell me what’s going on either…”

Galinda stared at her, dark brown eyes calculating.

She knew she had two options: she could show her hand and see what happens, or she could continue masking despite the obvious signs that Elphie had already seen through it.

Showing her hand was hard. Really hard. It meant she would have to bear yet another part of herself to the older girl and depend on her once more to accept that part. She had no say or control in what Elphaba did with her once she laid herself bare.

On the other hand, masking would almost definitely widen the already present divide between the two of them. For as good of an actor as Galinda was, her lover wasn’t stupid- Elphaba could read her in a way no one else the blonde knew could; the mask was never enough to hide from her.

In those two options, Galinda figured it was better she just lay it out in front of Elphaba, despite being well aware of all the things that could go wrong in doing so. Otherwise, she would just continue to brace for a slap she knew wasn’t coming, and those prying yet gorgeous emerald eyes would continue to fixate on her, in one way or another.

The blonde sighed, then swallowed.

She willed her hands to rest in her lap, still.

She tried her hardest to meet the older girl’s eyes.

“I…” She breathed.

‘Get it together, ’ she told herself, though her own voice was indistinguishable from her mother’s.

“I know you’re concerned about me. That’s why you watch. You’re worried that I’m sick…”

Her words raced ahead of her mind. She didn’t think of how the potential eating disorder she didn’t have played into the situation at hand.

Still, she was already here. She needed to continue.

“I’m NOT sick, but…” She breathed. “But regardless, watching me eat like that… it makes me feel…”

‘Feel what? Scared? Insecure?’ Her mother’s voice echoed in her head.

They had had this exact conversation once. It didn’t end well for Galinda.

She steeled herself.

“I feel naked. Like I’m being scanned for flaws and I know, Elphie, I know that’s not what you’re doing, but my brain just-“

Galinda shook her head, words failing her momentarily.

“My brain relates it back to bad memories. I’m sorry…” she settled for.

They could explore her relationship with her mom another day; though it wouldn’t be fair for Elphaba. She didn’t even have a mom for the majority of her life, it would be crude of Galinda to bitch about her own to the older girl. Especially since she knew she was loved.

She had to be. It was decidedly NOT a question.

Not one she’d ever ask aloud, at least.

In that moment, green arms wrapped tightly around her own trembling (when was she shaking?) form. Her lover’s lips met her cheek gently, soothingly.

She whispered gently into her ear, cooing.

“Oh, Glin, I’m so sorry… I wasn’t thinking of that. I won’t do it again, I promise you…”

She sealed it with another kiss.

Galinda surrendered herself, resting lax against the older girl’s form.

She didn’t know when the tears started, or why they were coming down.

Her Elphie didn’t judge her for them, though, tenderly wiping them away with a thumb.

“Thank you for telling me…” she soothed. “It means the world to me...”

“I know you’re doing all this work to try and stop me from being concerned about you, but Galinda, I’m concerned for you because I care about you…”

‘I love you, ’ her heart wanted to say- brain not permitting.

Regardless, her mouth continued.

“But this, this communication- you telling me what’s going on, even just a little bit, it helps me a lot. It makes me feel like I don’t have to be so hypervigilant, because you’ll let me know the pieces I miss out on.”

She kissed her forehead next.

“I’m proud of you, Galinda. I know it’s not easy.”

Elphaba spoke from experience. She remembered countless nights spent in Nest Harding, where Nessa would practically beg the older girl to talk- to tell her what was wrong.

All to be shunned away.

Elphie knew she had made plenty of mistakes in the past when it came to feelings. She still did. But she learned from them all and could easily use that information to help the obviously wounded girl in front of her.

She didn’t know the Blonde’s relationships with her family, and from everything she’d seen, she loved and was very much loved by her parents. Yet the way she acted, the wounds she carried- both physical and mental- pointed to a different story.

Though Elphaba knew this was all speculative, based on her own experience. It could have been an issue of brain chemistry or some horrible ex-boyfriend.

One thing she knew for sure was that the younger girl felt the weight of the microscope Elphaba had put her under. Enough for the blonde to break out of her shell to beg her to stop.

Which meant she needed to rely on Galinda. To ask her the hard questions.

They needed to stop playing poker and start playing Go Fish.

At least, that’s how Nessarose had described it when she had this exact same conversation with her when they were younger.

The blonde snuggled closer against her.

“You still think really loud…” she said, looking up at her.

“You just remind me of someone, that’s all,” Elphaba replied, kissing her softly.

“Mm,” the blonde protested, still smiling against where their lips met.

“It’s still dinner time…”

“Of course..”

Elphaba gently untangled herself, giving the younger girl her space to eat. She knew that the girl often liked to listen to something while she ate, usually pfanne’s and Shenshen’s playful back and forth.

But they weren’t here.

And all Elphaba wanted was for her to feel comfortable.

“Glin?”

“M?” the younger girl looked up from her salad, which she was already mixing dressing into.

Dressing was good. Great, even.

“Do you wanna hear about my latest research project for Dr. Dillamond?”

Galinda smiled.

“I’d love to, Elphie…”

Chapter Text

Galinda stretched as she stood up, feeling comfortably full for the first time in days. While she was normally not the biggest fan of the light pressure in her stomach, today it was soothing, warm.

Like she’d done something good.

Elphaba glanced up at her from her book, which she’d brought down on the floor to read while sitting with the younger girl after she’d finished her own meal.

“Ooh, big stretch,” she cooed, teasingly. It was the same voice she reserved typically for babies and animals.

Allegedly, that included the fawn-in-human-skin that she was roomed with.

Galinda shot her a small look, sticking her tongue out softly.

“I’m just gonna start getting ready for school tomorrow…” The blonde justified, yawning again as she continued, “After that, I think I’ll go to bed early for the night.”

“I wouldn’t mind an early night. You’ve had a rather long day.” Elphaba echoed her sentiment.
Galinda didn’t formally reply, instead just humming in approval as she walked to her wardrobe to pick out her outfit for tomorrow.

Looking through the racks of clothing, the blonde recounted what obligations she had coming up. Tomorrow was a Monday, meaning Fiyero would take her out to the woods, as he did every Monday, for a walk; maybe more if she allowed it.

The notion filled her with dread.

It wasn’t that she hated Fiyero. In fact, he was truthfully amazing to her. He was always so gentle and kind and never huffed or complained about her histrionics. The Winkie Prince was just that, princely.

Yet, despite his painfully perfect looks and gentle yet rebellious nature, Galinda found herself starting to be repelled by him. It made her frown, knowing he had done nothing wrong and yet she was so fickle with him.

She knew she needed to pull it together, to grin and bear it like she always did.

Fiyero was good for her. Her Momsie would agree. She would take him home to the upper uplands, where he’d meet her parents. They’d love him, accept them as their own.

The two would get married and have children, and her Momsie would be happy for her, Proud of her even.

Galinda had a perfect, fairytale life set before her. Yet, thinking about it made her stomach turn in worry. With a frown, she shook the thought from her head.

She had time to think, anyway. A whole three and a half before graduation.

By then ,she would mature, she figured. She’d grow up and step into the life she’d always wanted, unnerved by the silly little things.

Silly little things like the spark she didn’t feel with Fiyero. Not that it was a big deal, plenty of people were in very successful, wonderful, loveless marriages. The prince was still a good friend to her after all. And a good kisser. And great in bed.

The truth was, Galinda had always thought that the so-called ‘spark’ others described was fake. That it was just another thing little girls were told to make them excited to go out and make a family for themselves. She’d been with several suitors, never once feeling it.

Sure, she felt attraction. She knew the way heat pooled in her nethers when Fiyero leaned in and whispered dirty things in her ear. But never had she actually felt like she needed Fiyero, like she couldn’t live without his touch.

She could do everything he did to her on her own with a little bit of free time and her left hand.

Still, Monday was date night, and Galinda knew it was a bad idea for her to try and avoid that. So, she laid out her favorite dress and it’s matching shoes, hoping she’d mature.

Ignoring the sense of dread.

“Glin?”

The blonde turned, looking at her roommate.

Elphaba was still sitting on the rug, a collection of books haphazardly strung out around her. She had a highlighter in hand and a pen tucked behind her ear.

She was, as always, breathtaking.

“Yes, Elphie?” the blonde asked, resisting the urge to lick her lips.

It was out of nerves, she’d justify to herself, nothing more than that. After all, she’d noticed the blue book out in the stack of many others.

“You’ve been glaring at that rack of clothes for a few minutes now. I just wanted to make sure everything’s alright…”

“Oh.” Galinda felt heat rising to her cheeks, remembering now that she was sharing this space.

“Yes, I’m okay. Just… just needed to decide what would look best for date night tomorrow.”

“Date night with Fiyero?”

Galinda turned, facing her roommate fully.

She didn’t want to fight about this.

“Yeah, It’ll be Monday so…”

Elphaba sighed, resigned. She knew better than to push- especially this early in their-situationship-roommatehood-whateverthefuckwashappening thing they had going on.

She knew full well when she first kissed the younger girl that she’d likely be playing second fiddle to the prince. After all, how could she compare?

Fiyero was perfect. From day one, Galinda was enamored with him. He was shallow, sure, but, honestly, that would be better for her. Oz knew the blonde needed someone to help her dance through life- not a chronic overthinker.

She needed to realize that whatever tension was between her and the younger girl was likely just some sort of experimental phase, a box to tick on Galinda’s checklist of things to try before settling down.

She should be happy with that, the older girl rationalized. Galinda, at the very least, saw her as a person, one attractive enough to work with at that. She couldn’t say the same about anyone else in her life.

It was Galinda’s turn to notice the way her roommate’s face fell.

“I’m sorry.” She said, walking over to her. “I don’t have my ducks in a row, I know.”

As she approached the older girl, she leaned down slightly to press a soothing kiss to the top of her head.

Elphaba looked up at the younger girl, green eyes meeting their deep brown counterparts. In all honesty, she looked like an angel in that moment, the incandescent glow of the room haloing around her perfectly placed blonde hair.

“it isn’t fair to you.” The blonde continued, noting the older girl was a little too busy staring to speak. “You deserve to be cherished…”

Elphaba sighed. Right, they were still on about this.

“I mean, it isn’t like I was expecting anything different.” She swallowed, opting to look down at her lap, rather than up at the (soon-to-be) princess halfway looming over her. “You and Fiyero deserve each other.”

Galinda licked her lips, again rationalizing that she was nervous. It had nothing to do with how her roommate’s lips looked coated in the blonde’s candy-flavored gloss. She didn’t remember when they had last kissed, but evidently it had stuck around.

They should advertise that, she thought to herself, subconsciously leaning towards them.

Elphaba tilted her chin up, accepting. She knew she couldn’t have much more, but she’d take all she could.

Galinda kissed her softly, allowing her lips to graze over Elphie’s before fully pressing them in.

Elphaba returned the energy, slowly moving her lips against the blonde’s, letting herself forget the world around her in favor of the moment in front of her.

Galinda sighed, breaking away after several seconds.

Her body felt alight, head swimming in pink-hued clouds.

Galinda had never believed that relationships could have a spark. Yet, here she was, breathless after the smallest of kisses- tasting her own candy lip gloss second-hand.

Oh, she was in for it now.

The blonde swallowed.

“I’m sorry, Elphie… I know, it can’t feel good… but-“

“But you love him.” The older girl retorted.

She didn’t understand. How could Galinda share such a moment with her, then go off to the boyfriend she actually loved?

How could such a passionate moment be so hollow?

Galinda swallowed.

“About that…” She looked away.

“Uh, I know that you’re maybe not the best person to springboard this off of, but…”

“But what?”

Galinda looked some mixture of nauseous and frightened, eyes slightly wide.

“But I don’t think I love Fiyero.”

Elphaba paused, watching as the younger girl’s face contorted from frightened to downright panicked, to almost relaxed, all in the span of a few seconds.

It was not the mark of someone masking.

Compelled by the silence, the blonde continued, rattling to the world like she was expelling poison from her heart.

“I mean yes he’s fine and all and he’s a good man and a great kisser and I SHOULD love him- he could give me the world and it’s just all around better off for me and my future to be with him because he’s great and he’s a prince and my parents would be so proud of me finally but- but-“

“Breathe, Galinda.”

“But- Oh Elphie, I want you!” She confessed, brows knit. Her face was bright red, voice pitchy in a way the older girl had never heard before. “I think I love you, Elphaba!”

The confession fell from her lips before she could stop it.

The color drained from the blonde’s face as dread filled her stomach.

She did not just say that.

Especially not after justifying all the reasons she was still with her boyfriend.

Oh fuck, she was in for it now.
“Galinda…”

The soft, grounding voice pulled her from her stupor, eyes immediately flitting to its source.

“You don’t have to try and justify anything right now. I want you, however I can get you.” The older girl soothed. The last thing she needed was for the poor girl to have a third panic attack today.

This could all be settled when she was feeling better. For now, she needed all the support she could get.

Besides. Second-hand love was still love. Beggars shouldn’t be choosers.

“Take your time to figure out what you want. I’ll be right here with you along the way…”

Galinda felt the fear melt from her body. She didn’t need to panic, or make rash statements she couldn’t be certain she meant. She had time.

“I’m sorry, Elphie- I- I wish I knew more- I wish I could give you a better answer-“

“The best answer you can give me right now is another kiss. Everything else can be settled in due time.”

Galinda breathed. She felt lightheaded.

Still, she leaned in.

Elphaba surged forward, initiating. Green lips met hers in a flash of passion, wasting no time setting a slow, yet demanding pace.

The angle was awkward, with Elphaba sitting on the floor and Galinda hunched over her. In remedy, Elphaba wrapped her hands around the younger girl’s waist, trying not to think about how her long fingers connected in the middle. While concerning, that was something that could wait.

For now, she focused on supporting the blonde as she laid them both back, bringing her roommate to rest atop her, not caring about the books strewn around them.

Green lips moved faster now, more emboldened by their current position. With her lover resting against her, supported, Elphaba’s hands moved upwards to stroke through blonde tresses.

“Mm, Elphie..”

The blonde whispered her name like a prayer. Elphaba decided she liked the way it felt against her lips.

“Tell me… does Fiyero get you this flustered? Are you just always this hot under the collar?”

“You wicked thing…”

“That isn’t an answer, Galinda.”

“He doesn’t… he never has…”

Galinda knew what she would say next would ruin the air of arousal surrounding them. In all honesty, she didn’t care. She knew Elphaba would likely balk out again anyway.

Somehow, she didn’t mind that either.

“Elphie…” She pulled back, supporting herself with an arm. “I think…” She sighed, shaking her head.

“I would have never known that.” The older girl mused sardonically.

“Stop it, you…” She sighed, fighting a smile. “I think something about us is different…”

“Baby, if you want me to stop being sarcastic, then you need to stop teeing these things up for me…”

Green hands reached up to stroke her cheek.

The blonde crooned into the touch.

“I mean it…” She swallowed, licking her lips again.

Candy-flavored. Right.

The taste alone jolted through her like lightning.

“Look, I never believed in love like in the stories… I always just thought it was closer to a deep bond, like a friendship on steroids…”
Elphaba just listened, clung to every word.

“I’d never felt this so-called spark people talk about. Not once. I figured it was some dramatization that girls got confused with arousal, and that really it was just hormones or something… but… I think… I think I feel it with you… It's not like anything else I’ve experienced.”

“I feel it too.” The older girl soothed, allowing the hand not holding her lover’s cheek to roam slowly down her back. “it feels very similar to magic.”

“Like lightning coursing through you?”

“That’s a good way to put it.”

The older girl leaned up, pressing a peck to the corner of her roommate’s lips. She marveled at how red the blonde got from the touch.

“I know this is a lot for you… You care a great deal about your image and reputation. I can’t say it feels good to be the other woman, but I understand for now.” Elphaba frowned as she spoke, unable to hide it.

“I don’t want you to be the other woman… I just…”

“Don’t rationalize. Just tell me. What’s going through that head of yours, baby girl?”

Baby Girl. Galinda’s pulse jumped, her thoughts jumbling.

“Uh…” She scrambled, eventually falling back in line with a swallow.
“I just… I don’t know Elphie… I know I love you… And I want you… And you make me feel things no one else has ever made me feel…”

“But I’m green, and I scare people, and you care a lot about how you’re viewed-“

“But I’m scared of how my parents would react.”

Elphaba paused.

“Your parents?” She questioned, trying to grasp what the younger girl had confessed. “Aren’t they incredibly loving and supportive of you?”

“Well,” Galinda started. “Um… they are.”

“I’m sensing there’s a but.”

Galinda looked away.

“You can tell me. Or it can wait if you don’t want to.” Her hand ran soothing circles down the younger girl’s back.

“It’s not that important,” Galinda backed off.

“If it’s upsetting you, then it is.”

Galinda gnawed her cheek.

“How about this,” Elphaba proposed, “We get ready for bed, and sleep however you’d like, and then tomorrow after class, you can decide what you want to do with date night. And I won’t bring anything up until you’re ready for me to.”

Galinda nodded. “What’s in it for you..?”

“For me…” The older girl paused, thinking.

“I just want you to be open. That’s all. No more masking… I just want to see you. That’s all.”

The blonde swallowed but nodded.

Maybe that would solve all their issues. After she dropped the mask, Elphaba would fall out of love with her, and then her only option would be Fiyero.

Despite it being the ideal solution, the thought made her feel sick.

Chapter Text

Sleep came fast and easy, amplified by the comfort of being wrapped in strong, loving arms. With the amount and quality of sleep Galinda got, it was easy for her to rise with the sun in the morning.

Yet, despite being up naturally and early, the blonde didn’t want to move. Not when green arms wrapped tightly around her, holding her as if she’d fly away.

It was Ironic, Galinda thought. Her roommate clung to her as if she were afraid she’d run away. But the younger girl knew it would likely be Elphaba who ran from her.

The weight of the promise she made to the older girl was not lost on Galinda. She wasn’t fully sure if she could fully unmask, as she had truly adopted parts of it until they simply became parts of her. Nevertheless, she would try her hardest.

Even if the older girl would hate her for it.

Galinda knew Elphie’s wish went straight to some cruel monkey’s-paw-adjacent entity. The mask she’d donned was curated for a reason; sculpted and painted through social trial and error. She was insufferable before it.

The older girl crooned against her, stirring slightly and adjusting her hold on the blonde. In the mess of bodies and movement, her bicep rested atop the fabric bandages still covering her roommate’s marred ribs.

Galinda hissed quietly, yet made no effort to relieve the pressure now placed directly upon fresh cuts.

Elphie was still asleep after all. Why would she wake her for something silly?

Besides. It was grounding. The blonde promised to remove the mask when it was just her and Elphie. But she would soon be going to class, where they would be surrounded by friends and peers.

She wasn’t trying to make all of Shiz hate her.

In truth, Galinda had never picked up on the notion that others hated her while she was unmasked. Yet, she had felt the sting that came with being unbefitting, and she could only imagine how it amplified with age.

Social missteps were one thing. A faux pas was avoidable and fixable. But being inherently wrong? Deeply, truly wrong at the core? Well, that needed to be fixed. Hence, the mask.

She didn’t know how quickly or aggressively it would appear to others that she was inherently wrong, but she knew that everyone would catch on eventually.

Settling deeper into the older girl’s arms, Galinda remembers all the times in her youth that she had managed to bite herself in the ass unknowingly.

It had all started at home. She was born as simple and perfect as all little girls, with a head of blonde curls. According to her Momsie, she didn’t even cry. As she grew, she was quiet, yet focused.

As a girl, Galinda would find herself enamored with tasks for hours at a time. She could play with dolls all day, by herself in her room. As a little girl, this was acceptable.

Yet when she entered school, the blonde never felt like she belonged. Of course, she got along with her peers, but it always seemed there was a divide between them.

Like her brain lagged a step.

She had to learn how to socialize. Her Momsie was borderline ashamed of her.

She remembered one night when she was around 5, sneaking downstairs after being put to bed.

“My child, an outcast,” She’d heard her Mother lament.

Galinda didn’t know what the word meant. So, she stuck around to hear more.

“Oh, my flower, don’t you worry about her…” Her Popsicle’s voice soothed, “She’s young, she just hasn’t grown into her social skills yet. Watch, I’ll bet she’ll be the most popular girl by the spring.”

The little blonde frowned. She’d thought she was popular.

“No, George, she won’t,” her Momsie continued.

Galinda could see she was holding a glass full of that fancy juice, the kind only adults could have. The older upland nursed it as she continued.

“It’s like she’s broken. She just doesn’t get it! I try telling her time and time again-“

“Melinda, she minds her P’s and Q’s perfectly and is always well behaved. You hear how her teachers praise her-“ Popsicle interjected.

“To hell with her teachers!” Her Momsie was raising her voice now.

Galinda flinched back.

“She barely talks to her peers. They snicker and laugh at her behind her back. There’s got to be something wrong with her, George. I never had this problem at her age! Little girls are supposed to be social!”

The older woman took another sip.
“Quite frankly, it’s disgraceful. She’s Disgraceful, George!”

The young blonde felt her lower lip quiver, big brown eyes welling with tears.

A sensation like she’d never felt before pooled in her chest.

Without thinking, she sniffled.

At that point, the arguing around her died down. She remembers distinctly her Momsie turning- seeing her peeking out from the stairs, quietly crying.

The blonde doesn’t remember what happened after that, but it didn’t matter. She’d learned her lesson.

From then on, she made sure to study her peers. The way they interacted, with and without her. From there, the mask formed.

Her Momsie helped shape it, of course. Calling out the younger girl whenever she was weird, or awkward, or just downright wrong again became a pastime for the older Upland.

It wasn’t all bad, though. After all, her Momsie came from a place of love. Galinda knew she just wanted her to thrive and be happy. It just so happened that that came with loving discipline sometimes.

She recalls the inverse happening, too. After a situation well handled, or a particularly great conversation, her mother would stroke her hair back and applaud her, hugging her and telling her how proud she was; how much she loved her.

That alone would have been enough to fuel her, though discipline is important too, she reasoned.

Elphaba brushed against her ribs again, bringing her back to the present with a surge of stinging pain.

Fuck, she thought to herself, sardonically. Who would have thought self-harm would hurt?

She did worm away this time, the pain shifting from a nice, settling feeling to a much deeper, angrier stinging that became hard to ignore.

Elphaba awoke gently with the movement, green eyes lazily fluttering open.

She took a second, looking at the blonde in her arms before realizing.

“Oh, Oz- I’m so sorry, Galinda-“

She quickly let the younger girl up.

“M, it’s fine. If I didn’t want them agitated, then I wouldn’t have done it.” The blonde replied.

The older girl frowned.

“That isn’t funny…”

“It’s true.”

Elphaba sighed, shaking her head.

“Still. I’m sorry. You don’t deserve to hurt…”

She kissed the top of her head.

Galinda accepted it as payment, shutting herself up about her pet habits in return.

“How long have you been up for?” the older girl asked, lazily stroking her hair.

“Not long…” the blonde crooned in. “About five minutes or so…”

“I see. I suppose you slept well then?”

“I did.”

She didn’t feel like elaborating, head still wracked with memories of her upbringing.

It was bittersweet, the nostalgia of her childhood.

Galinda didn’t even realize her expression matched her emotion, brows knit in thought, lower lip jutted.

“You’ve got something on your mind.”

Galinda looked up at her.

“It’s all over your face, love… What’s going on up there?”

“It’s nothing,” the blonde responded instinctively, as if her brain was on autopilot.

“Well…” She corrected, remembering her earlier promises.

“It’s silly. How about that?”

“I can handle silly.”

A gentle hand caressed down her side, resting on her hip and making its way to her thin hand, the green a stark contrast to her pale skin.

“I was just thinking about some memories from my childhood…” The blonde looked down at their union, not quite ready to meet the green eyes she knew were likely filled with concern.

She didn’t have it in her to answer them unmasked just yet.

“Oh, yeah?” the older girl prompted.

“Yeah… look, Elphie…”

Galinda still dared not meet her eyes, even as she addressed her.

“I know you want me to unmask around you. But…” Galinda sighed.

“But you’re opening Pandora’s box. I promise you I hide the way I am for a very good-“

“Stop it.” The older girl practically demanded of her.

“That’s untrue and you know it.”

Galinda glared at the ground, the emotions of a younger version of herself rising to the surface.

“It isn’t. It can’t be…”

“And why is that?”

As she spoke, Elphaba reached for the younger girl’s chin, directing her gently until their eyes met.

“Why do you think you’re better hidden from the world?”

Galinda glared at her, eyes threatening to well with tears. The hollow in her chest where she’d once felt hurt now filled with anger.

“Because I’m broken! Can’t you see that, Elphaba?!”

Her vision clouded, the older girl in front of her becoming a watery silhouette as hot tears rolled down her face.

“I’m broken, and I’m wrong, and I’m disgraceful! A-and so long as I’m hiding it, no one is any the wiser!”

She didn’t know when the sobs began, yet they ripped through her violently, rendering her unable to continue her tirade.

Maybe that was for the better, anyway. Surely Elphaba had seen enough to know she was barking up a shitty tree, with shitty bark, and no purpose-

A cold, yet gentle hand rested against her cheek, pulling her from her thoughts.

“Oh, Galinda...”

She heard the older girl coo softly. So, she hadn’t learned.

“Baby girl… my sweet…”

The tenderness brought the quiver back to the blonde’s lip. She tensed her face, clenching her jaw as if it would stop the oncoming tidal wave from her eyes.

“You stop it… Let yourself feel…”

The wave crashed.

“There you go… let it out…”

Galinda felt the green hand move from her cheek, instead stroking her hair as the older girl fully leaned in to hold her. The cold touch was soon replaced with warm lips, gently kissing away her tears.

The blonde didn’t even know what she felt anymore.

“Shh… there you go… that’s it… good…” Elphie continued, soothing and hushing the blonde until she settled against her, no longer sobbing, yet still sniffling and whimpering.

Still, she was grounded enough to listen, to pay attention.

Green hands wiped the tears from her brown eyes once more, drawing the blonde’s focus to her loving roommate.

“You are not broken, or disgraceful, or wrong- or any other horrible name you can think to call yourself. Do you hear me?”

She waited.

Galinda nodded, words failing.

“Good.” She kissed the top of her head.

“I don’t know who in Oz told you that, but they were dead wrong. Clearly, they’ve never seen you.”

Galinda opened her mouth, halfway expecting the words to just spill out.

When they didn’t, she fought the clouding in her brain to force them out.

“My Momsie certainly knew me, Elphaba. She wouldn’t say it if it didn’t hold true…”

‘Your Momsie is a fucking cunt,’ Was the first thought that came to the older girl’s mind. Yet, she knew that wouldn’t solve anything.

“I don’t care what your Momsie thinks, Galinda.” She settled for gently grabbing the younger girl’s cheek and forcing those big brown eyes to once again look into her own.

“Shame on her for treating you so poorly.” She continued, struggling to settle her rage into something productive.

Around them, the air seemed to teem with energy.

“If she could only see you… Oz Galinda, none of that is true…”

The blonde licked her lips.

“You’ve only seen me when I’m hiding myself…” she retorted, uncharacteristically meek.

“I don’t think that’s quite true either. Remember that day you gave me a makeover? You swung around our chandelier and had me jump on the bed with you… You weren’t hiding yourself then…”

Galinda tried to look away.

Elphaba gently followed her line of sight, refusing the chance for the younger girl to avoid her eyes.

“Not to mention all the times you’ve come in squealing and kicking your feet… is that something that comes from you masking?”

The blonde sighed, red rushing to her cheeks.

She knew she must have looked an utter mess.

“I have seen you, Galinda. And I love it. Every bit of it. Your little excited squeaks… the way you stick your tongue out when you focus on something… the way your toes tap in your shoes whenever you have something to say… I love it.”

She paused.

“I love you, Galinda.”

Tears welled in the blonde’s eyes again, though they weren’t from sorrow or pain.

A huge wave of relief and warmth crashed over the younger girl, possessing her to nearly collapse into her roommate’s arms.

Elphaba held her close, soothingly drawing little circles on her back and whispering softly in her ear.

“I love you so much… my sweet…”

For once, Galinda could feel herself believing it.

Chapter Text

The school day seemed to drag on and on. Thanks to her half-way meltdown, Galinda had missed breakfast and almost been late to class, despite waking up early for the day.

In her opinion, she also looked a mess, but no one around her was brave or honest enough to corroborate that fact. Of course, that was to be expected.

Around others, Galinda saw herself as a sort of mirror. She reflected back the sentiments of others, adding just enough extra to the conversation to disguise her blatant restatements. As a result of that, many of those around her saw bits of themselves in the blonde.

It would make sense, then. They wouldn’t call themselves out for looking like shit either.

Especially when it was apparent she still made an effort.

Of course, it wasn’t as if Galinda had just rolled out of bed, sobbed on the floor with her roommate for a bit, and then gone to class.

She steamed and donned one of her favorite dresses. Her hair was neatly combed and curled after she showered and dried it. She spent an hour on her makeup.

She was put together. She just also happened to be a mess. Kinda like how mean girls were often actually ugly on the outside, too.

Regardless, she still went to class; even after Elphie offered to lie for her, claiming she was sick.

Elphie probably did still believe she was sick, just in a different way. A way she swore not to tell anyone for the time being.

Galinda sighed. They both skipped breakfast. It may have been her fault, but it wasn’t her intention. Either way, sick or not, it worked in her favor.

Tonight was date night with Fiyero, meaning the Blonde would likely need to eat an early dinner; hence, the convenience in skipping breakfast. Of course, even if she wasn’t hungry for an early dinner, her prince would happily feed her, as was the princely thing to do, but the thought of eating in front of him made the girl frown.

It wasn’t a big deal anyway. An early meal every now and again wouldn’t kill her, nor would a skipped one. Realistically, she was just fine.

The blonde knew she looked better before eating anyway, so she might have even been doing him a favor, all those nights that early dinner just didn’t appeal to her.

Maybe dinner skipped before date night might become a good habit. It wasn’t like she was wasting away, and over time, that habit would likely bloom into results.

Elphaba wouldn’t need to know, since they didn’t eat together tonight anyway.

In the younger girl’s mind, it was settled. She would skip dinner too, for a litany of reasons.

She smiled softly to herself, as if she had accomplished a hard homework problem.

Despite her small victories, the day still shuffled along slowly.

They talked about punctuation in linguification, the Ozconomy wars in history, and made bottled bat’s wing in potions. There was nothing special or interesting in any way.

Even her constants during the day felt off.

Sitting next to Elphie in all her classes was fine, save for the constant worry the blonde had that her stomach would growl, which would undoubtedly concern the older girl.

Fiyero sat with them, too. Which meant Galinda had to be extra careful not to reveal the new side of her and her roommate’s relationship to anyone.

Regardless, Galinda sat and talked to them both as if nothing was wrong, happily contributing to their conversations and behaving as normal.

She was normal. Everything was normal.

The Blonde didn’t know what was wrong with her.

After their classes together, Elphaba disappeared as usual- She always took the break they had between their usual freshman courses and their sorcery seminar with Morrible to go study in the library.

Galinda started on her way back to her room, also as usual. It was nice to take some time to freshen up before her hardest class. Especially since she still needed to win Madam Morrible over.

As the blonde made her way out the door of their potions classroom, she felt a hand on the small of her back.

Turning, she saw Fiyero staring down at her.

“Hi there.”

He gave her his usual, princely smile.

“Can we chat?”

Everything about this screamed bad news to the blonde. His demeanor, the way he worded it, the vagueness of it all.

She nodded.

“Of course, baby. Wanna go somewhere more private?”

Why the FUCK would she say that? She had no clue what she was getting into. She should have asked for more context, or what about, or anything of the sort-

Fiyero must have sensed her apprehension.

“No need, I can just walk you to your next class. I promise you it’s nothing bad.”

He reinforced his words by rubbing his thumb soothingly against her back.

Galinda felt the tension melt, ever so slightly.

“I’m headed back to the room for a bit, actually…” She licked her lips, a nervous habit. “If no one’s around, I can probably sneak you in… Oh, we’ll have to leave the French doors open, of course, you know, optics-“

“Baby.” He cut her off, leaning down and pressing a gentle peck to her cheek.

“You think too hard. It’s okay. You do what’s comfortable for you. I’ll go along with it, okay?”

His stubble tickled her cheek. She nodded again.

Some girls would kill to have a man like this.

What was wrong with her?

“What did you want to talk about?” She asked softly.

Fiyero sighed. He looked away for a half beat.

“I just wanted to check in on you. You weren’t at breakfast today.”

“Oh, yes…” She forced a small, ditzy smile. “I simply woke up late this morning. And of course, as you know, it takes a long time to look this perfect-“

“Believe me, I’m aware.” The prince chuckled.

Galinda knew the winkie man had his own beautification routines, some more complex than her own. It was valuable to her to know her future kids would be hot and take good care of themselves.

The love story continued to write itself. Except it didn’t.

He moved his hand from her back to her own hand, holding it gently as they walked.

“Galinda?”

“Hm?” She looked up into his dazzlingly blue eyes.

“If something is wrong, I want you to know you can talk to me, okay?”

Fiyero grew up in polite enough company to know he should never comment on a woman’s weight, good or bad. Yet, recently, it seemed Galinda had gotten smaller and smaller.

She looked like she was losing weight she couldn’t afford to.

“Of course,” the blonde smiled, batting off his concerns with practiced ease.

“I promise you, everything is just fine, honey. It’s very sweet of you to think of me, though.”

She leaned up, standing on her tippy toes to kiss him softly on the lips.

Fiyero’s hands wrapped carefully around her waist, stabilizing her. He tried not to think about how unfamiliar yet insistent the bones beneath her flesh felt against his palms.
She pulled away as quickly as she had leaned in, yet continued to allow him to hold her.

“You must be hungry now, then,” the prince offered, pulling her slightly closer, “Let me buy you a snack.”

Galinda visibly winced, mind rushing as she realized her misstep.

“No, no- I’m okay Fiyero. Really, it’s not a big deal… I had something small in the room, a leftover orange from dinner…”

It was only a half lie. She did eat an orange in the room, but it was a leftover from yesterday’s breakfast, and she’d had it last night, even before dinner.

Thankfully, the prince didn’t push. Instead, he held her slightly closer.

“Okay…” He soothed. “That’s alright. I just don’t want you going hungry…”

Galinda calmed slightly at his reaction, letting him pull her in and adjust his arms so he was more so hugging her than holding her.

She let herself melt into his arm.

It was nice to be held. Fiyero was strong, and smelled good, and never once crossed any line without explicit permission.

But he wasn’t Elphie.

Her chest didn’t light up. Her pulse didn’t race under pale skin. Her stomach wasn’t filled with butterflies. He didn’t set her ablaze the same way the green girl seemed to.

But he was nice. And gentle. And caring. And now, she was realizing he noticed things, too.

All traits girls should swoon over.

Galinda shook the thoughts, allowing herself to breathe in his cologne. It did smell good. Expensive, too. It was one of those creature comforts she would likely miss if they broke up.

“Sweet girl…” he soothed. “I know you’ve had a long day. Just a little longer and we’ll have some time alone, okay?”

A firm hand stroked through her blonde locks gently, careful not to misplace the curls he knew she worked hard on.

Galinda nodded against him.

Maybe if she was lucky, he’d take her out to the path they’d always walked, and they’d have an amazing conversation about something non-relationship-focused. They always did have great talks.

Truly, Galinda believed they could be best friends, even if they weren’t together.

Fiyero WAS her friend. Even if there wasn’t a romantic connection. He was a great confidant, advice giver, and he was always the first to notice when she tried something new with her hair and makeup.

That’s why everything with Elphaba was so worrying. She didn’t want to just break things off with him because she knew the approval and validation he would earn her from her family. It just added insult to injury that she would likely hurt him if they split.

“What did you have in mind..?” She asked him.

Whatever he wanted, she would give him. It was only fair.

“Whatever you want, darling. We can go out and shop… or take a nice walk through the woods… or even share a meal. Anything your heart desires.” He smirked.

Fiyero had always had a flair for the dramatic, one Galinda had never seen in any man.

“I think a walk in the woods would do us well.” She smiled softly.

The woods were great for just walking, though it just so happened to be where they usually went to do more than just talk. Of course, it wasn’t on every walk, but they had a specific spot laid out that they’d used for several romps in the hay.

Galinda didn’t know if he would want that. She’d allow it, if he did. She always had.

Though she secretly hoped he wouldn’t. It would likely be awkward after this weekend’s rejection to stand naked in front of a man.

It might help, though. Knowing he wouldn’t reject her.

Maybe she should push for it, then.

Of course, if she did that, then coming home to Elphaba…

No, she couldn’t. Not with Elphie in the equation.

As if Galinda had manifested it, the older girl rounded the corner towards their shared room at that very moment.

“Oh, hi Elphaba,” Fiyero greeted, letting her go from their embrace.

“Hi, you two…” She responded, looking between them at the newly created space.

Galinda noticed she had the blue book in her hand.

“If I may, Fiyero, could I steal Galinda from you for a minute?”

“Of course. I’ll give you ladies some privacy.”

He delivered one last gentle kiss to her cheek.

“I’ll see you tonight, dear.”

With a smile, the prince headed off towards the courtyard.

“Hi Elphie…” Galinda greeted, looking down at the book in her hands and trying to avoid appearing as if her tail was tucked between her legs.

“Glin.” The older girl responded. Her tone indicated the blonde was in trouble.

She gulped.

“Let’s go inside for a sec,” Elphaba suggested, unlocking the door to their shared room.

Galinda followed her nervously.

“So.”

“So..?”

“I got back to work on my research today…” Elphaba started, sitting down at her bed.

In an attempt to fawn her way out of any unneeded confrontation, Galinda sat down beside her, so close they were touching.

She rested her head on the older girl’s shoulder.

“Yeah?”

Elphaba opened up the book to the page Galinda had marked.

“What’s all this?” She asked, stating simply yet sounding worried.

“Oh, that’s all the things I don’t do. I figured since you thought I maybe was anorexic…”

“You thought it would prove your point?”

Galinda nodded.

“It sounds so… competitive… when you put it that way. But yes, I was telling you I’m right, and that I’m affirmably not sick.”

Elphaba sighed.

“You only fully highlighted one of three of these things… and we don’t have a scale-“

Galinda opened her mouth to speak.

“I’m NOT letting you step on a scale.”

She closed it.

“So you couldn’t even measure that one if you wanted to. All the less objective ones are only half-highlighted…”

“So? It’s still highlighted, isn’t it?”

“So I’m still really worried about you, Glin. And for good reason, too.” She paused for a second.

“You even noted to yourself on here that the tape measurer might be a good idea for the future.”

The blonde looked away.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“It’s in ink, Galinda.”

The Blonde frowned.

“Hey, look at me…” the older girl offered.

Galinda complied.

“It’s not a bad thing if you are sick. I won’t think any less of you, eating disorder or not. I just want to know so that I can keep an eye on you.”

“I’m fine, Elphaba.”

“Galinda, can I be honest for a second?”

The blonde looked down at her hands, folded in her lap, but nodded.

Elphaba reached over, putting her own hand over the blonde’s and causing the younger girl to look up at her.

Once she had Galinda’s eyes on her, the older girl continued.

“I’m scared for you, Glin.”

Immediately, Galinda opened her mouth to rebut.

“No, Galinda, Listen to me. Please”

She closed it but wouldn’t meet her roommate’s green eyes.

“You don’t look healthy at all… I see it when you stand up, when you move too fast… You look like you’re going to pass out… your skin is duller than before, almost grey at times, and you’re hiding bigger and bigger bags under your eyes with makeup.”

Galinda frowned, her brows knit.

“All you had yesterday was a salad and some fruit. And that’s great, but it’s not enough. You skipped breakfast this morning, and I won’t get to eat dinner with you, so I can’t even be sure you’ll have it.”

“I will!” the blonde protested, lying through her teeth.

“I’ll have no way to verify that…”

She huffed.

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad about yourself, but fuck Galinda… I don’t want you hurting yourself. It’s not worth it at all…”

Galinda looked back up at her, surprised to find those green eyes welling with tears.

“I love you, Glin… I want you to be around to love…”

Pale hands reached up to frame her sorrowful face, gently wiping tears as they fell.

“Elphie… I promise you, I’m alright… If I were really struggling, I would say something…”

“So you don’t deny you’re struggling now.”

“Well… A girl’s gotta stay in shape, you know?”

“In shape and starving are not the same thing, Galinda.”

Galinda just leaned in to kiss her, hoping to distract the older girl from her fears.

“No, Galinda. Listen.”

The younger girl sighed but pulled back, complying.

“I’m not sure if you read beyond the page you highlighted, but this stuff can kill you. At any weight, too. Too little food can lead to heart failure. So can electrolyte imbalance, and all these other things. You’re more likely to break your bones as your body steals nutrients from them to stay alive. You will struggle to heal, and with bad enough malnutrition, your scars could even begin to unheal. That’s fucked up, Galinda. I don’t want any of this to happen to you…”

Galinda paused. She didn’t know most of that.

Still, she wasn’t that far along. She was probably still in a healthy weight range.

After all, she was still getting compliments. And Fiyero’s eyes still lingered on her waist when he looked her over.

“It’s okay, Elphaba… Look, I’ll try to eat more if it makes you feel better. But really, I’m okay. I’m eating the same way I have my whole life…”

Elphaba’s sorrow mixed with a hint of rage. Somehow, she seemed to know already how this came about in the younger girl’s psyche.

“Why do you do this to yourself?” She asked, not fully expecting an answer.

“Well…” Galinda paused.

“Was this your mother’s doing too?” Elphaba accused.

“My Momsie loves me!” The younger girl rejected, rising to her feet.

“That’s not what I asked you, Galinda!” The older girl followed, getting into her face.

She’d always been told she had an explosive temper. Hell, she’d seen it time and time again.

Elphaba knew this kind of rage never ended well for her. Still, she couldn’t seem to reel it back in.

“It totally is! You implied it, damn you!”

“So what if I did?!”

Elphaba didn’t notice the rattling of various objects around them, too caught up in her own righteous anger.

“Then that makes you an asshole! You know nothing about my family! Just because your dad is horrible doesn’t mean everyone else has the same dynamic at home!”

Galinda knew as soon as she said it that she shouldn’t have.

She saw the way objects from around the room lifted, dauntingly. She had never seen Elphaba’s eyes so wide or her brows so furrowed.

“THIS ISN’T ABOUT ME!” she shouted, objects clattering down.

Galinda winced, flinching back and instinctively bringing her hands up to her face.

All the anger drained from the older girl’s body at the sight.

The blonde shook as she cowered back, collapsing to the ground when her back hit the wall and curling up on herself, clearly still prepared to be hit.

“Galinda…”

The blonde whimpered.

“Oh oz… Easy… hey…”

She could hear the younger girl’s breathing pick up.

Making herself as small as possible, Elphaba quickly approached the sniveling girl.

“hey… just me… easy… I won’t hurt you… oz Galinda I’m so sorry-“

She gently placed a hand on her distressed roommate’s shoulder, hoping the careful touch would help to ground her.

The younger girl looked up, eyes wet with tears, still whimpering incoherently.

Between pitchy syllables, the older girl could only make out a single phrase.

“Please don’t hurt-”

Shame and guilt wracked through Elphaba’s core. She knew how badly she’d fucked up.

She needed to fix this. And now.

Chapter Text

Elphaba looked on, feeling powerless at the sight of her best friend trembling in the corner, sobbing out of fear of being hit.

She felt far, far worse knowing she was the reason the blonde was so terrified.

Still, Elphaba decided she was going to do everything in her power to undo the mess she’d made.

“Galinda…”

Gently, she squeezed the younger girl’s shoulder, featherlight so as not to scare the blonde any more than she already was.

The younger girl hiccupped out another sob, too lost in her fear to register the gentle touch.

‘Pull yourself together, ’ the voices in her brain told her.

‘You did this to yourself…’

Elphaba was fully expecting to have to ground her lover from another panic attack. In fact, she herself was going through the motions while trying to pull Galinda out of it.

That was something she could foresee.

What she couldn’t foresee was the younger girl suddenly pulling her arm back, winding up, and smacking herself across the face. The smack was hard enough to forcibly snap the blonde's head to the side and left mottled, splotchy red blossoms across her pale face when she pulled away.

Elphaba gasped, fully taken aback.

“Galinda!” She chastised, taking the girl's hands and holding them so she wouldn’t be able to do any more damage.

Regardless, the motion seemed to start to wake the blonde up from her stupor.

Galinda breathed, the pain searing across her cheek serving as enough of a grounding agent to bring her back to reality.

Fine. She was fine.

Elphaba wasn’t going to hurt her. She was in their shared dorm room.

It was just a spat.

She looked around to be sure everything she told herself was true, incidentally finding herself face to face with her green roommate.

Elphaba looked ruined. Dried tears left running marks down her face, her brows knit in pure concern. Her eyes reflected guilt and shame, and horror all in one. She looked as if she’d just witnessed a car crash she herself caused.

It tore Galinda to shreds.

It took her a few seconds to find her voice, fear and mucus still closing her throat. When she did, she called out to that green girl.

“Elphie, I’m so sorry-“ Was all she was able to get out before strong arms pulled her close, holding her tight.
A gentle, shaking hand smoothed over her hair. Its twin held the still-burning mark on the younger girl’s cheek.

Her roommate held her against her chest, whispering into her ear, again and again like a prayer.

“Fuck, Galinda, I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… I should have known better… I should have done better… Oh Oz… I’m so sorry…”

Carefully, Galinda quieted her with a kiss, letting the older girl’s sentiments melt into her mouth in a gentle, yet passionate act.

Elphaba held her close, putting her heart and soul into the motion. She kissed the younger girl like she was going to lose her.

Elphaba feared still she might still lose her.

As the kiss naturally deepened, Galinda lay herself back, bringing the older girl with her.

They continued.

Tongues met in the middle, content with playing nice for one another.

Neither girl pulled away.

Instead, they pushed in, getting impossibly close to one another until the whole world faded away.

Maybe they weren’t ready to go any further than kissing. But that was fine. This was all they needed.

Galinda clung to her lover with still shaking hands, nails digging gently into the meat of Elphaba’s back.

Hot tears fell onto her face from above, mixing in where their lips collided and providing a salty taste to the exchange.

Galinda knew her roommate didn’t mean to scare her. Elphaba always had this sort of fire to her, and Galinda had endured it before on several accounts.

But that was before they became close- before the younger girl showed her the insides of some of her deepest darkest secrets. Now that she had bared portions of her flesh and soul to the older girl, it felt slightly different.

almost as if her lover should have known better.

Still, she knew Elphaba would never hurt her. And in all honesty, she had started that fight herself, what with the comments she made about the older girl's father.

Her own reaction was silly, born from fearmongering and past trauma. She could only imagine how horrible the older girl felt.

Pulling away for just a second, she held the older girl’s cheek with a hand that still tingled from the velocity at which it struck her own flesh.

“Elphie… I’m so sorry-“

Her roommate sniffled.

“I scared you so horribly…”

“You didn’t mean to… It’s okay… I’m okay…” She soothed, as if she were speaking to a startled horse.

“Galinda…”

The younger girl kissed her again, slower, more gently.

She pulled away after a mere couple of seconds.

“You can make it up to me…” The blonde offered.

“How?”

As always, Elphie was eager. Prepared to do whatever was needed to amend this.

“Help me up… Put us both on one of our beds… just… just hold me… that would be enough…”

She wasn’t even finished before strong green arms lifted her effortlessly off the ground, pulling her into a bridal-style carry across their shared room. With an amused yipe, the younger girl clung, holding on tightly and enjoying the feeling of being cradled in steady arms.

When Elphaba reached the Blonde’s bed, she gently set her down, crawling over her to lie beside her.

From there, she collected the smaller girl in her arms, pulling her close against her, soothingly rubbing her thigh with her free hand.

Galinda loved every second of it.

She felt safe in the older girl’s hold. Like nothing would ever be able to hurt her again.

Leaning in, she reinitiated their kiss from earlier, letting their lips clash against each other. She loved the feeling her roommate ignited in her, which surged through her entire body all at once.

Selfishly, she pulled herself closer, reveling in the feeling of her thigh sliding against her roommate’s hand and incidentally placing it much higher up than before.

Her breath hitched softly.

“Galinda…” the older girl pulled away to warn.

“mm, I know… fuck I know… we can’t do that…”

“I just don’t want to hurt you… That’s a lot of big emotions in a very short time.” She planted another small kiss on her lover’s nose.

“In fact, I suggest we tell Morrible we’re not feeling well and stay in today.”

“The mean old bitch hates me anyways…” Galinda muttered in agreement.

Elphaba couldn’t help but smile at her antics.
“If you don’t want to go, then I suggest letting me up for a sec so I can run and tell her.”

“Ugh, but then you’re not here to kiss…”

“It’s a small sacrifice for a Morrible free day…”

Galinda dramatically flopped over, making her protests well-known. With a quick kiss, Elphaba got up and headed towards the door.

“I don’t mean to start a fight, but I will be returning with something of substance for you to eat, okay? You don’t need to eat it all, but I want you to at least have something in your stomach.”

In light of the last thirty minutes, Galinda went along with it.

“Do I get a request?”

“What would you like?”

Galinda noted the older girl’s tone softened when she complied. She thought to herself for a second.

“Fruit.” She requested, “Particularly something juicy, like a peach or an orange.”

“Got it. I’ll come back with that for you,” Elphaba promised.

With that, the big door to their room shut, and the blonde was left alone once more with her thoughts.

Chapter Text

Sitting alone in bed while the world moved around her felt like shame to Galinda. Especially since she knew the earful she was going to catch when she next went to her sorcery seminar was not going to be any fun at all.

Galinda had known for quite some time that Madam Morrible, whom she quietly dubbed to herself and only herself as ‘Horrible Morrible’, did not like her. Before Elphaba had gotten her into the professor’s sorcery seminar, she had made it clear through her polite yet dismissive tone. Galinda knew it all too well.

Now, she continued the same sentiment with her facial expressions and choice of words.

Where she would praise Elphaba, she would chide Galinda. She’d even attempted to kick the blonde out several times, on account of her ‘distracting’ the professor’s prodigy.

The only reason she’d failed was because Elphaba would always threaten to leave the old witch, too.

Galinda’s lip involuntarily curved at the memory, smugness briefly overcoming the ball of lead in her heart. Unfortunately, it was gone as soon as it had come, leaving the blonde once more alone with herself in the empty room.

Absent of distraction, Galinda faced herself in the mirror.

This was pathetic. SHE was pathetic.

If her Momsie were here, she would have some kind of reminder as to what she was supposed to be doing here, WHY she was at Shiz.

She was here to learn magic, just like the elder women in her bloodline innately knew.
She was to be like them. It wouldn’t hurt if she found herself a husband in the process.

Yet, here the blonde sat. Alone in her cold dorm room, skipping her sorcery seminar and dreading the date she had arranged for later tonight.

She could already hear the older Upland’s strained voice, speaking to her through gritted teeth.

“Get yourself together, Galinda.”

She’d always said it. It was basically her catchphrase at this point. Occasionally, it was even accompanied by a firm slap.

Galinda looked down at her hand.

She’d hit herself before, on a few occasions. It was like cutting, with how it grounded her, but also different. Cuts were a more long-term reminder, made to simmer below the surface until she internalized whatever it was she needed to learn or remember.

But hitting was more so a short-term thing. The sting lasted for a few minutes, sometimes up to half an hour if she really put her whole arm into it. It had less of an internalization effect and more of a reinforcing effect.

If she did something that deserved being hit for, and then hit herself for it, then slowly, over time, her brain would learn to associate that something with the pain that it came with. It was calculated and effective when it was done right.

Though it wasn’t always.
Sometimes, Galinda found herself lost to her emotions- even alone, where she didn’t need to perform. In those cases, she would occasionally resort to self-blows, without much thought on the matter.

She knew she shouldn’t be hitting herself, and that she likely looked like a young child having a tantrum. Regardless, it was soothing in the aftermath. Grounding.

While Galinda didn’t want to get into the origins of why she hit herself, she knew innately that it was likely related to how her parents disciplined her as a child. When she did wrong as a child, she was spanked or slapped, or pinched.

Now, as a young adult, the feeling of her own hand hitting skin felt like settling a score. Like she had paid for whatever it was she did to deserve that and could move on from the emotions that wracked through her.

She didn’t have to be guilty, with enough force.

Deep down, she knew it was absurd and primitive; however, it worked. She could function properly, and it usually saved her from working herself up to tears.

Like clockwork, Galinda looked back up at herself in front of her vanity. Hot tears pinpricked her eyes, threatening to spill over.

Her hand shook as she raised it.

Her whole head reeled to the side from the force of flesh hitting flesh.

Galinda hadn’t noticed, but it was at that moment that her roommate had returned. Peaches and Oranges in hand.
The older girl nearly dropped them in shock at first, but her brain quickly caught up to speed with the situation. While it hurt to watch, Elphaba was learning that she needed to stay calm in these situations.

Flying off the handle would only hurt her roommate more.

Instead, she sighed, setting the fruits down on her bed before slowly approaching the blonde girl. She could already see the reddening handprint forming beneath the layers of pristine makeup.

At the sound of the sigh, Galinda turned around, seeing her lover already walking towards her.

There was no way in Oz she hadn’t seen it. Furthermore, Galinda knew that her face was likely blossoming red right now.

“You really shouldn’t be doing that…”

The older girl looked stressed but resigned to the situation. Her brows were knit in worry, mouth turned downwards in a deeply set frown.

The sight made Galinda’s stomach bubble with more guilt, contrasting the action she had just taken to settle it.

When she reached her, Elphaba just gently tucked blonde tresses behind the younger girl’s ear so that she could examine the damage her lover had done to herself.

She frowned deeper at the angry red splotches across Galinda’s right cheek.

“Oh, Glin…” she sighed. “I knew I shouldn’t have left you…”

Galinda looked down like a child being shamed.

So, she couldn’t even be left alone now, huh?

The shame stung deeper than it ever had before, seeming to penetrate all the way through her spine.

Hot tears welled in her eyes, soothing irritated flesh as they rolled down her face.

“Oh, my sweet…”

Elphaba didn’t waste time gathering the blonde in her arms, soothing and gentle in her touch.

“It’s going to be alright… just a rough day… you’re going to be okay…”

The older girl knew she was mostly soothing herself with her words.

However, Galinda wasted no time allowing herself to be held. Relying on the support the padded chair brought her, she leaned as much as she could into the touch.

She needed to play damage control. Needed to explain to the older girl how normal this was for her, and how she’d been doing it for years and was fine. How It was practically instinct at this point.

The blonde opened her mouth to speak, but was quickly distracted by the feeling of wetness against her shoulder.

Soon enough, she saw the older girl’s body convulse with somewhat-controlled sobs.

Galinda was not prepared for how much it hurt to feel the older girl break against her.

She couldn’t focus on her emotions, though, not with everything in front of her.

So she instead stroked her hair through soft, black braids, kissing the top of her lover’s head.

She cooed and soothed, using her off-hand to carefully rub soothing circles over Elphie’s back.

She spoke to her with a voice usually reserved for little animals.

“Hey… its okay…. I know…. That was scary… but… you’re here now… and I’m okay… It’s just been a long day…”

Elphaba gathered her strength, looking up at the blonde with tears still in her eyes.

“It isn’t okay, and you know that.”

She swallowed, holding back more sobs.

“You’re not okay…”
The blonde didn’t respond.

Elphaba sighed, resigned. She wasn’t expecting one.

“fuck it.” She huffed, pulling away to stand up.

Galinda’s body mourned the loss, but before she could protest, strong green arms lifted her from her seat, bringing her into a bridal carry.

She was taken from her vanity to the bathroom and sat atop the sink.

Elphaba wasted no time plugging up the drain on the luxurious clawfoot tub the room featured. Without hesitation, she quickly turned the faucet, allowing for steaming hot water to fill the basin.

Galinda watched as she did, shame blossoming with curiosity.

Elphaba turned back to her, soothing her hair back.

“I’m going to take your dress off now.” She asserted, stern yet soothing

“Don’t I get a say in this??” the blonde balked.

“Do you have anything to say?” The older girl shot back, eyebrows raised as she had been taught.

“Well, no…” Galinda looked down.

“Then, arms up please.”

The younger girl complied, earning her a ‘thank you’ and a quick peck on the nose. Elphaba made quick work of the piece, shimmying it up her hips and over her head.

Once removed from her body, the older girl grabbed a hanger. Carefully, she rehung the article of clothing and set it to the side, neatly laid out on the younger girl’s bed.

Galinda just looked down at her painted toes, kicking her feet idly and struggling to settle her guilt.

Elphaba returned as quickly as she had left, coming back with the fruits she had brought and a small plate in her hand.

“Do you want these sliced up or whole?”

It wasn’t a question of whether the blonde was going to eat the fruit, just of the medium in which she’d consume it.

“Sliced, please.” Galinda requested, fighting the quiver in her lip. Her voice was unnaturally small and somewhat breathy.

“Breathe, Babygirl…” Elphaba reminded her. “You aren’t in trouble. No one is going to hurt you…”

Galinda felt her shoulders drop. While she was still upset with herself, the sentiment was soothing in a way she couldn’t describe.

Listening to Elphaba, she focused on breathing. Deep, from the stomach. Like she had been taught during singing lessons.

Elphaba watched her out of the corner of her eye as she produced a small pruning knife, cutting up the peach to the younger girl’s liking. The progress she saw was good. Helpful.

After cutting up the peach, she peeled the orange and plated them both. Going back over to the bath, she checked the water temperature and amount. The tub was nice and warm, but wasn’t quite there yet.

That was fine, she still had things to do.

Turning back to the blonde, Elphaba set the fruit to the side of her. She noticed the girl’s ribs were still bandaged from over a day ago.

“I’m gonna take these off for your bath, okay?”

Galinda nodded, earning her another thank you.

The bandages stung as they came off, adhesive having bonded tightly to tender flesh. While they were at it, Elphaba figured she’d go ahead and look over the healing wounds.

“Where’s your case?” she asked the younger girl, hoping to retrieve the alcohol out of it and wipe the wounds down.

Truthfully, Galinda wasn’t sure. She hadn’t touched it since they cleaned up the last ones, knowing better than to break her own rules and get herself in trouble.
“that’s okay… actually, no that’s good…” Elphaba sighed, soothing herself more than anything.

“Elphie…?” the blonde piped up again.

“Yeah, my sweet..?”

“Would you get in with me…? Please?” The younger girl begged, puppy dog eyes in full force.

Galinda could see the stress marinating in her roommate’s core. A bath would do them both well.

She could already see Elphie melt at the thought.

“Yes, of course I can, dear…” She smiled softly, kissing the blonde.

“Though I must ask, would you refer your vanilla scented bubble bath, or your candy scented bubble bath?”

Galinda thought for a second.

“I think there’s a lavender one in there… I want that.”

“Lavender it is then,” Elphaba confirmed, ducking under where the girl was sitting to find the bottle. After retrieving it, she poured a good amount of the milky substance directly under the flow of water, watching it work its magic as the room filled with the calming scent.

“Can I go grab candles, too?” the younger girl asked.

“of course, Babygirl. Whatever makes you comfortable.”

Galinda nodded, going off to fetch them from around the room.

When she came back, the bath was fully made and ready for her.

Chapter Text

The medium-sized bathroom quickly filled with steam and the calming scent of lavender.

Galinda busied herself with placing candles around the vanity and tub, leaving room for both girls to comfortably lounge without fear of knocking something over. She had picked out scents that complemented the already wafting aroma- White Tea, Honey, and patchouli.

Scents that soothed her without much effort.

After setting them out, the blonde produced a small, pink lighter- the same one from her kit she’d made. While she originally had lost track of the little organizer box, she’d found it tucked back away in her nightstand while procuring the candles.

Elphaba watched calmly as her roommate lit each one carefully, admiring the way the tiny flames danced in the younger girl’s brown eyes.

She was slightly relieved at the sight of the lighter and the kit to boot. She didn’t want to lose track of it, knowing what it held- how dangerous it was.

The older girl knew that if she could just keep her eye on where it was, she would be able to worry less about the younger girl. Bonus points if Galinda didn’t know where it was. Maybe she would ask her if she could hold onto it. There was no harm in asking.

“Galinda?” the older girl kept her voice calm, ready to be met with anything.

Truly, she had no clue how the blonde would react.

“M?” the younger girl glanced over at her from the taller, taper candle she was currently lighting.

“Would… would you let me hold on to that little pink box you have? Just for now, while you’re still… vulnerable…”

Galinda paused, taking a beat to consider while she carefully set the candle down on its holder.

Realistically, she wouldn’t need it for a while. Per her own rules, she couldn’t even cut again until the current wounds had healed- which would likely take weeks.

But more than that, it stung that she couldn’t be trusted with them, and her roommate’s phrasing just added insult to injury.

“Elphie…” She sighed, trying to figure out how to even put this.

The problem was, Elphaba was right. She SHOULD take the kit, and she should honestly just get rid of it too.

But it belonged to Galinda, and despite how upsetting it may be, she wanted to keep it.

Even if she swore she wouldn’t use it.

“I know you’re worried about me… and… and that’s fair…. I would be, too, if the shoe were on the other foot.” The blonde finally said, brows knit.

She wouldn’t make eye contact as she continued.

“But it really hurts that you don’t trust me. Especially because I’ve left it alone since Saturday night…”

She wanted to add that she had rules to her little game, but she knew that wouldn’t be any sort of winning argument.

Still, the older girl just looked at her with a sigh.

“Okay, you haven’t given me any reason to take it from you yet.” Her roommate relented.

Galinda looked over.

That was not the response she was expecting.

“The bath is ready for you, baby girl…” Elphaba continued.

Galinda couldn’t help but smile just a little.

“Are you still getting in with me..?” the blonde asked, deploying her world-class puppy eyes once more.

“If you’d like…” Elphaba agreed, retrieving a hair tie from one of the drawers.

“Wait. Can I put your hair up? Pretty please??”

It was the older girl’s turn to grin.

Oz, she was whipped.

“Sure thing.”

The blonde pumped her fist, quickly taking the hair tie from her.

Elphaba relaxed, feeling the blonde’s gentle hands run through her braids.

Galinda carefully massaged her scalp, aware of how much time and effort her lover’s gorgeous hair took to style. As she collected all of the microbraids in one manicured hand, she pressed a kiss to the crown of the older girl’s head.

Elphie crooned into the touch.

“My sweet…” the blonde cooed.

“Mm, yes, Babygirl?” she replied, eyes closed in bliss at the feeling of having her hair played with.
Galinda giggled, the sound like silk to the older girl’s ears.

“I like it when you call me that…”

“Oh yeah?” the green girl retorted. “That’s good, because I like calling you that.”

“Mm, good. You’re the only one who does.”

Elphaba paused.

“Fiyero doesn’t?”

“No, he usually just calls me baby or darling. The usual stuff.” The blonde answered.

“Then it sounds like babygirl is my way to claim you.”

The blonde’s breath caught. She could feel the blood rush through her body, pooling at her core.

“Elphie… dangerous territory…”

The older girl chuckled.

“Okay, okay… I’ll drop it. We can just bathe together instead.”

Playfully, Galinda looked her up and down.

“You’re rather overdressed for a bath, my sweet…”

“Well,” the older girl rebutted, “I believe someone had asked to prepare me for our bath.”

“I asked to put your hair up,” Galinda corrected, teasingly. “But if you would like me to strip you too, I suppose I could be convinced. It will cost you, though.”

“Cost me?” the older girl leaned into her roommate’s antics. “Well, then name your price.”

“Hmm…” Galinda pondered for a second.

“A big, long kiss. With tongue. And wandering hands.”

She nodded as she demanded it.

Elphaba mock gasped.

“Oh, oz… how will I ever afford that..?”

“You could put it on a payment plan.” The blonde offered.

The older girl laughed, deep and hearty.

“How would that even work?”

“Well, you’d kiss me now…. And then you would kiss me some more, later…” the blonde explained.

“It sounds like you just want to be kissed.” Elphaba retorted.

“Maybe I do,” Galinda confessed. “I love your kisses. They make me feel like I’m on top of the world.”

“Well then, it sounds like you should start stripping me.”

After both girls were adequately naked, Galinda had Elphaba get in first, so that she could situate herself on top of the older girl- an action she took happily.

They lay like that for a while, chest to chest.

The blonde ever so gently rested her chin against her lover’s green sternum, looking up at the older girl with stars in her eyes.

She could get used to this, she thought.

The bath water was perfectly warm, soothing her tense muscles and egging on her sinful thoughts. The pair had been naked together before, but never like this.

Never touching.

Now, her full body was pressed against the older girl’s in a swirl of pale pink and green. Their bodies fit together like pieces of a puzzle, thighs slotting between each other to make space for everything in the tub.
With their proximity, nudity, and the heat, Galinda felt something pull deep in her core.

At first, she figured it was arousal.

It would make sense; Her perfect roommate’s amazing breasts were pressed against her. Green hands traced circles around her lower back. Her own sex was mere inches away from the older girl’s muscular thigh.

Yet, as hot as the scene before her was, the feeling in the pit of her stomach was more than just arousal.

The heat that rushed through her veins was duller, like the first breath of nitrogen at the dentist's. Her head was clouded, but not overwhelmingly with thoughts of pleasure.

Galinda searched the caverns of her mind for any experience she had that even came close to this. She tried to figure out how she felt in those moments.

At last, the closest feeling she could come to was content.

Bone-deep, mind-numbing content.

A dopey smile spread across her face.

The older girl glanced down, finding her lover still looking up at her with big, lidded doe eyes.

She looked like she could fall asleep right then and there.

“You look cozy, my sweet.” She mused quietly.

The younger girl just nodded.

“Are you going to fall asleep?” Elphie asked in the same soothing tone.

Galinda could, she figured. The way Elphaba’s heart beat against her chest soothed her to the core.

“mm, maybe…”

“Well, that’s okay…” The older girl brought a hand up from her lower back to comb through the wet ends of the blonde’s tresses. “Though I thought we could maybe kiss a little?”

Galinda perked up like a dog at the prospect of a walk.

“Yes, please.” Was all she said as she crooned up, towards the older girl’s lips.

Elphaba met her in the middle, leaning down to support her lover in her arms.

She felt the blonde’s whole body drag against her. The action shot fire through her veins.

Elphaba knew she couldn’t have that. Galinda needed to heal, eat, and get better before she could even broach the topic.

But, Oz, if she didn’t want.

Their kiss was hungry, full of tongue and teeth and grabbing hands. The older girl knew she was inches away from her roommate’s nethers.

It took all the strength and control in her body not to flex her thigh, but she managed.

The younger girl was the first to break away, gasping softly for air.

She pulled back softly, feeling the older girl’s heart rate go into overdrive against her own, which was beating just as fast, if not faster.

The blonde licked her lips softly.

“Galinda…” the older girl looked her over.

She knew it was wrong. The blonde needed more time to heal.

But fuck she was so fucking horny.

“m?”

Just then, the younger girl’s stomach announced itself with a growl.

As quickly as she’d fallen under her spell, Elphaba snapped out of it.

She knew better after all.

“um… Do you want your fruit? I think it’s still on the counter…”

She tried not to think about the euphemism in feeding her lover peaches and oranges.

“I would… yeah…” the blonde responded, voice low but not upset.

Right. The older girl thought.

She sat them both up, reaching for the small plate on the corner of the vanity.

As she pulled it back close to them, the blonde piped up.

“Elphie?”

“Yes, baby girl?” the older girl responded, carefully balancing the fruit on the side of the tub.

“I don’t wanna roll over to eat.” She confessed, continuing. “You should feed me…”

Elphaba chuckled softly.

“Of course, my sweet. I would do anything for you.”

Chapter Text

Despite having the most intimate, softening moment of her life with her loving roommate just hours prior, Galinda sat alone at her vanity while she dolled herself up for her date with Fiyero.

It would be easy, she reassured herself. They were going on a walk after all- so they would be moving around and talking, and she could look straight forward at them path and listen to him, and hopefully- just maybe- they’d get caught up in conversation and she could just forget they were supposed to be all lovey dovey and romantical.

She just needed to come up with a good enough topic to make that happen.

It had to be something thoughtful, yet not intimate. She’d prefer to stray away from politics as well, if she could help it.

The blonde racked her brain for something that might work as she expertly applied her blush.

“You’re rather quiet over there.” Elphaba piped up from her own desk.

She was reading from that Oz-damned blue book again.

Galinda sighed. Maybe Elphie could help?

“I’m trying to come up with a topic for Fiyero and me to discuss. I want something deep enough that we can get lost in it, but not so deep that it gets intimate.”

Elphaba paused for a second.

“You can ask him how he thinks the stars are formed.”

Galinda huffed.

“Too close to religion”

“Hm. What about the ethics of gatekeeping academia behind high paywalls, effectively keeping the common man unknowledgeable about the ploys of the ruling class?” the older girl offered with a sneer.

“I can understand each of those words separately, thank you.” Galinda retorted.

Elphaba set her pen down, looking over at the blonde.

“You know, you could always just tell him the truth?”

Galinda winced.

“Yeah, and face the full and mighty wrath of my Momsie. Besides, I don’t know how he’d react and…”

“And you want to climb the social ladder, yes.” Elphaba finished for her, rolling her eyes.

“You do know that I’m next in line to be eminent Thropp, right?”

Galinda searched the older girl’s face for any signs of hurt or anger.

“I don’t care about any of that, if I’m being honest. You both have the means to keep me comfortable for all of my days. I just know if I break up with him, and get with a girl- a green one nonetheless- that my fall break will be hell on earth.”

“You’re going home to your bitch mother; won’t it be hell on earth anyways?” The older girl snarked.

“Elphaba Thropp!” the blonde chastised, but strikingly didn’t correct.

Elphaba cackled. Galinda pretended the sound didn’t send a blaze of warmth to her chest.

When she finished her hair and makeup, the younger girl made her way across the room, presenting herself to her roommate.

“Everything look okay?” She asked, smoothing the front of her dress over.

Elphaba stared, taking her all in.

She was stunning, gorgeous. The light caught wonderfully on her necklace; her skin shimmered like gold. The green girl’s mouth watered at the sight.

However, she knew that she wasn’t allowed to touch right now- especially since the prized good in front of her was about to go off to another person. He’d wrap his arms around her. Call her all the generic “babys” and “darlings” his heart desired. He might even get to have a piece of her that Elphaba had yet to taste.

She grimaced at the thought.

“You look perfect,” she spat out, masking the heat on her face as a fluster.

Elphaba knew unfairness deep down to her core. She had lived it in her own green skin every single day of her life.
It had never stung as deeply as it did now.

Before she could dwell too deeply on it, there was an all too familiar knock at the door.

“he’s here,” Galinda muttered quietly, leaning in.

She stole a chaste kiss, coating the older girl’s lips in her candy-flavored lip gloss.

The thought that Fiyero had also tasted it drove her insane.

The blonde pivoted, flouncing to the door and opening it.

“Fiyero!” She exclaimed in a voice the older girl now could recognize as fake.

“Hi there…” he smiled, looking her up and down.

The blonde leaped into his arms, hugging him tightly.

“You look handsome…” she flirted, voice slightly lower than usual.

Elphaba noted it was not the same tone the younger girl used on her.

‘Small victories, Thropp,’ she thought to herself as the pair stole off.

The outside air was slightly chilly, about usual for the time of year. It wasn’t quite cold enough to need a jacket yet, but the wind itself blew straight into Galinda’s bones.

It seemed as of late she was cold all the time, though. It wasn’t anything new.

Besides, she thought to herself, the cold gave her a good incentive to hold onto Fiyero’s arm as they walked.

The forest around Shiz had always been a prime date location. It was close, yet isolated from the rest of campus. There weren’t too many people around, but they were never too far from civilization, either.

In the right circumstances, it was romantic too. The light dappled through the trees in mesmerizing patterns. Willow branches hung low, framing the path before them like wedding arches.

Though right now, Galinda didn’t really want to be romantic. In fact, she just wanted to remain as platonic as possible.

In an ideal world, Fiyero would also see the blonde withdraw and would break things off himself. However, Galinda knew full well this wouldn’t happen.

Fiyero likely had his own expectations to live up to.

As they walked along, Galinda felt his eyes glued to her. As if he were taking her all in.

She felt like she was under a microscope again.

She needed to figure out something. Now.

“Fi…?” She glanced up, praying to Lurline her brain would catch her.

“Yeah, darling?”

The Blonde looked forward.

“Do you ever think that, maybe, being so noble is actually bad for people?”

Maybe that was too deep.

Oh well. No going back now.

Fiyero stared at her more intensely than before.

He wet his lips.

“You mean, how it's difficult for a person to bear all of that pressure?”

His tone was soft. She struck a chord.

“Exactly. And how it causes us, as people, to kinda… dare I say, stretch ourselves thin.” Galinda continued, trying to keep away from her own situation.

“Oh, princess, you don’t even know!” Fiyero continued, excited.

Galinda understood. In a way, she’d just set him free in her mind- made it clear to him that she was aware of the masks and the dances and all the other social expectations thrust upon them.

She could listen to him talk for hours about his own mask. The idea set her at a sort of peace, even.

So long as she wasn’t expected to share too.

“Oz Galinda, you’re the first person to understand. To actually see that there’s a sort of mask to all of this,” he continued.

“Well, I think everyone wears a mask to some degree. People in our position just have much better, more diligent ones…” The blonde shared.

It was her actual opinion, if that mattered.

“Well, yeah. They’ve been crafted through training and scrutiny… sometimes even to the point of abuse.”

Galinda froze.

Even the mention of that word shot cold air down her spine.

There was no way he knew anything about her Momsie. She knew it.

Still, just earlier today, Elphaba had accused her mother all the same of being abusive.

It had to be a coincidence. Fiyero must have been raised strictly, too.

He didn’t know. He couldn’t.

She laughed nervously.

"Abuse is a rather strong word... though, I assume it does happen in some cases..." She sputtered out. It wasn't very convincing, she was sure.

Galinda didn’t realize she had been holding her breath until her lungs began to burn in protest.

Fiyero was looking at her again- those eyes so full of worry.

Watching. Observing.

She needed to figure it out. Needed to fill her lungs with a normal amount of air. Needed to keep walking on to where they were going and just be fine.

She was fine.

Utterly fine.

“Galinda, you don’t look so good…” she heard the prince say.

His voice was distant, like he was talking to her from across the way. Like she was under water, and he was on the shore.

Her lungs burned again.

Strong hands settled on her shoulders, squeezing with a gentle but demanding pressure.

“Galinda, hey-“

She gasped, emerging onto the shore.

The burn in her lungs quickly turned into a fire, her body flailing to put it out.

It was like she couldn’t take in enough air.

“Hey! Easy! Breathe now, cmon.”

She tried to focus on his voice.

“Let me help you…”

He started counting, telling her to inhale on one and exhale on five.

She focused on the numbers, predicting each after the next.

Breathing with them.

The world around her fell back into place. She breathed in slowly now, letting her lungs fill with the softly scented air.

“there you go… atta girl…” Fiyero soothed.

His hands rested still on her shoulders, rubbing them gently.

“You’re doing great, princess… just keep breathing…”

As gentlemanly as he could, he led her to a bench, sitting her down slowly and wrapping her in his jacket.

Time seemed to still, despite how it rushed ahead just mere seconds ago.

The blonde registered that she felt lightheaded.

She focused on breathing properly.

“You doing okay now..?” her prince asked slowly after a few minutes.

“Yes… Yes, I don’t know what came over me…”

Fiyero frowned, sitting beside her.

Like a good girlfriend, she leaned on his shoulder.

“I think I might.”

Galinda was tempted to jump up and scream. To tell him off that he is none the wiser about her family or its dynamics.

She forced herself to look up at him.

“I don’t mean to sound rude, or upset you… But I’m really worried about you, baby…”

Galinda fluttered her eyelashes innocently.
“What do you mean, dear?”

“I mean, I worry about you getting enough to eat.”

The blonde fought the urge to roll her eyes.

Not him, too.

Maybe he and Elphie could form a club?

“I’m serious Galinda. You weren’t at dinner or lunch, and you admitted to skipping breakfast today… I’ve seen you less and less at meals since the school year started, and I hear your stomach growl more and more in class.” He opined, brows furrowed. His lips were carved into a frown.

It was unbefitting of him, Galinda thought. She’d never seen him look like this.

It hurt her, just a tiny bit, to see.

“I’ve been eating with Elphie in the room more often…” the blonde responded, touching his chest softly, hoping it would be enough.

“Then why do I see her at meals and not you?”

Galinda paused. He had her there.

“Look, I know there’s a lot of pressure on you…” He started, running a hand through her hair.

He was careful not to tug too hard on her curls as he continued.

“I can’t even begin to imagine… with every eye in the school on you all the time… but fuck Galinda you need to eat. It’s not negotiable…”

“Fiyero, I do eat-“ She tried to retort.

“But is it enough? Are you properly fueling yourself? Do you get enough to keep you going all day without feeling exhausted?”

She was already forming a defiant ‘yes’ on her lips when he continued.

“This little incident tells me you’re not. You’re paler, more frail… when I run my hands through your hair, you shed more than you used to… like far more. A concerning amount more. And you get this dazed look, like you’re not really there…”

Galinda, unfortunately, knew exactly what he was talking about. Sometimes she would just kind of phase out of whatever she was doing, as if she was floating away. It felt good, sometimes, but she couldn’t deny that she did it.

She never knew others could see it too.

“Look, it isn’t much, but I brought an apple with me. Tell me what you need to be able to eat it right now.” He wasn’t offering.

It reminded her a lot of Elphie, in all honesty. The only difference is that there weren’t any butterflies.

“What do you mean…?” She took the apple from him.

Polishing it on his jacket, she squarely took a bite out of it, looking him dead in the eyes.

She willed herself not to care.

He watched her for a second, and then looked away, still holding her in his arms while she chowed down on it.

When she finished it, she presented the core to him.

They both pretended not to notice how her hands shook.

“Thank you…” He said, taking it from her. “Are you feeling better..?”

Galinda nodded.

In truth, she didn’t mind this- sitting here with him, letting him hold her.

It felt nice, even.

But she wasn’t just his anymore. And the thought of her roommate sitting sadly at her desk right now made her stomach churn with guilt.

“Okay. We can stay here like this a little longer, but then I’m taking you back to your dorm…”

“But-“ she convincingly protested, playing her part.

“I’m telling Elphaba too, if she’s in. If not, I’ll stay with you until she is…”

Galinda frowned.

“I honestly don’t know what that was, ‘yero…” she confessed.

It wasn’t a panic attack, she knew that. It didn’t feel the same. Panic attacks felt like the world was closing in on her. Sometimes it was so bad that she truthfully thought she was going to die.

This was different. It was more like her emotions so consumed her that she just forgot to breathe, and from there it spiraled.

“And that’s okay. I don’t either.” He held her closer. “But Fae is one of the smartest people we both know, and I’m sure she has a book somewhere that’ll clue us in…”

Galinda let herself settle into his arms. She was done talking about it.

“Just so I know, what… what brought all that on..?” the prince asked her, looking down.

Without meeting his eyes, she lied.

“I don’t know.”

“Fair enough…” he said, stroking through her hair. “Do you feel like you can stand?”

Chapter Text

The walk back to Shiz was short and uneventful. Fiyero led her with a soft hand on the small of her back, careful of her every move. Like a gentleman, he brought her to her room and knocked.

‘Thank Oz..’ Galinda thought to herself when a familiar green face opened the door.

Elphaba looked up at him first, then down at her.

The blonde focused her eyes on the floor.

“Do you want to tell her, or should I?” Fiyero asked.

“Tell me what?” the older girl insisted, suddenly racked with worry.

Galinda sighed.

“Uh, something happened on our date…” She started, eyes still glued to the hardwood flooring.

“What. Happened?” Elphaba persisted.

Her brows were furrowed; her face narrowed in pained concern.

When Galinda’s search for the right words took too long, Fiyero filled the silence.

“She had this… episode. She wasn’t breathing for a second, and then she started hyperventilating… she looked pale and clammy, like something was very, very wrong…” He started.

Galinda noticed his own arm was shaking against her.

“It wasn’t a panic attack,” she piped up, though she didn’t know how helpful it was in that moment.

“Both of you come inside… sit her down somewhere, Fiyero.” The older girl instructed, pinching her brow.

“I’m fine now, Elphie! No need to fret!” The blonde insisted, still following as Fiyero led her to her bed.

The black-haired girl sighed.

“I can’t believe you when you say that, my sweet…”

Galinda’s eyes widened as her roommate leaned down, resting a tender green hand against her cheek.

She just said that in front of him.

Oh oz.

Hopefully, he just wouldn’t notice. Or maybe he’d brush it off as just girls being girls.

Either way, it took all of Galinda’s strength not to croon into the hand currently resting against her cheek.

“You aren’t warm…” Elphaba stated, looking her over still.

“She seemed cold out there…” Fiyero offered.

“I’m sure she was…” was all Elphaba replied with, moving her hand lower to the blonde girl’s neck.

While Elphie was sure she had a pulse, its thumping pace could give her insight into how her roommate was really faring. Further, it was really important to note if it was weak.

That would quickly venture into medical emergency territory.

Galinda crooned up, making space for the green hand to rest against her neck. With the precision of someone who knew where to look, the older girl carefully pressed two fingers against the blonde’s thrumming carotid. Her pulse was strong, normal.

Elphaba quietly noted how it jumped when she brushed her fingers lower, towards the base of her neck.

“Good…” she cooed, using her off hand to find the younger girl’s, holding the pale, manicured hand with a gentle squeeze.

It was insane, how quickly the room seemed to narrow around them, as if the pair were the only two left at Shiz, or even in Oz.

“Elphie…” Galinda warned quietly, only half aware that her boyfriend stood in the corner awkwardly.

The older girl swore softly, pulling away.

“Your vitals seem fine,” she said objectively, as if she wasn’t seconds away from kissing the younger girl a minute ago.

“Do you know what happened to her?” the prince piped up again.

“Well, no, but my guess is that it was something anxiety-related…” Elphaba answered, knowing it was likely the case.

She also knew it was likely embarrassing for Galinda to dwell more on it.

“Do you know about her other ailment?” Fiyero continued, treading lightly.

He even turned to look at the Blonde, an apologetic look across his face.

Elphaba’s brow quirked protectively.

“Her other ailment?” She replied incredulously.

It wasn’t that she didn’t trust the prince, but rather that she knew she was far closer to her roommate than he was. Even if he had been inside of her.

He turned back to the blonde.

“Galinda, I’ll allow you to decide who tells her, but I firmly believe it is best for you that Fae knows about this too.” He stated, tacking on a half-hearted, “sorry princess,” to the end.

Galinda sighed.

“You can tell her…” she pouted.

The blonde knew that Elphaba was well aware of the situation already. Yet, her pride wouldn’t quite allow her to admit to the older girl that others also thought she was sickly.

“Very well.” He stated, filling the space Elphaba left when she pulled away.

He cradled her gently, supportively. His hands were warm against the small of her back, thumb rubbing soothing circles against the fabric of her dress.

“I’m worried Galinda isn’t eating enough…” he announced, still carefully watching her face.

The blonde knew he didn’t mean to shame her, yet still the feeling blossomed through her chest.

She hid her face in his shoulder.

“I had her eat an apple out there, and she did finish it, but…”

“But she hasn’t been showing up to meals and has evidently been starving herself.” Elphaba finished for him, looking pointedly back at the younger girl. “I know.”

Galinda made a soft sound, akin to a whine.

“Stop it, you.” Elphaba chastised with a frown. “If you will, Fiyero…”

“Of course. I’ll let you two ladies talk this out.” He flashed a small smile, kissing Galinda on the crown of her head before rising to leave.

“Please, let me know if you need anything. I’m happy to assist.” He winked at Elphaba, shutting the door behind him.

For once, Galinda wished Fiyero didn’t leave.

“Galinda…” Elphaba stated, her tone firm yet gentle, “Look at me.”

The blonde swallowed, looking up.

“It’s okay. I’m not mad. You’re not in trouble…”

The black-haired girl expected it would help, but didn’t realize how much.

Near instantly, the younger girl’s shoulders dropped. She let out a shaky breath she didn’t even know she was holding in.

“There you go, that’s good… just breathe, okay?” Elphaba soothed, carefully approaching her scared roommate.

Galinda leaned into the strong green arms that wrapped around her, still hiding her face in shame.

Maybe something was wrong.

She knew mentally the masking and control she lorded over herself- to the degree she exercised it- wasn’t normal, knew SHE wasn’t normal.

But she’d thought that falling on the skinny side was, for her, normal. That she hadn’t changed. Sure, she looked marginally better naked, but truly, she didn’t think she’d lost that much.

“I know you’ve heard it a hundred times over in the last couple of days… but fuck, Glin, you need to be properly feeding yourself…” the older girl spoke softly, willing her tone to be gentle.

Galinda could tell it was a practiced endeavor.

“I had fruit… and… and I ate some there too…” the blonde defended herself with, though it sounded more like a half-hearted excuse.

“I know that baby girl, but when’s the last time you had anything with actual protein in it?”

The silence in the room told all.

Elphaba sighed, shaking her head.

Maybe this was in part her fault. She knew taking Galinda’s problems on that this would be an issue- and all she had fed her in the last few days were fruits and vegetables.

Yet, at the same time, she didn’t know for sure that she had an eating disorder. Her main goal was just getting her to have something to eat, and she did succeed there. However, now emboldened by peer review, the older girl decided to return to her initial study.

“Galinda?” she asked, cautiously.

The last thing she needed right now was for the younger girl to waste even more energy blowing up at her.

“M?” the blonde muttered, muffled by her lover’s chest.

“I’m treading carefully when I ask this, but… why do you prefer not to eat...?”

The air was thick, full of apprehension.

Galinda looked up at her, brows knit, as if she were thinking.

The younger girl knew where this stemmed from. She knew exactly why she was preoccupied with her weight and overall looks. She just didn’t know how Elphaba would react to her sharing that knowledge.

One way or another, the blonde figured the gig was up. It was better to tell her what was really going on than to face the shame of being caught in a lie.

She could also plead the fifth, but that would only serve to increase the green girl’s anxiety around this entire situation.

With that, the best thing to do was to just be honest. In the back of her mind, Galinda remembered she was supposed to be unmasking around the older girl anyway. It was likely that this would help her do that.

“Uh… I can tell you, but it’s going to upset you,” the blonde prefaced.

Elphaba adjusted her arms so that she was cradling her roommate, allowing her to better see her face as she spoke.

Galinda licked her lips as those piercing green eyes met hers. Somehow, they were softer than usual despite how vulnerable they made her feel.

Vulnerable wasn’t a bad thing, though; the younger girl was learning.

It didn’t have to lead to pain.

“I’m listening, my sweet… whatever you feel comfortable telling me…” The older girl encouraged, soothingly running her hand up and down the blonde’s slender waist.

Galinda swallowed, then spoke.

“When I was younger, like, maybe 12 or so… my Momsie sat me down at the dinner table, as she so often did…”

Fiddling with her nails, she looked down, taking a soothing breath as she continued.

“She told me about how girls sometimes gain weight as they get older, and that I shouldn’t be afraid of that while I grow…”

Elphaba looked her over, checking her as she spoke for any signs of an oncoming panic attack.

She watched the younger girl’s chest rise and fall naturally, filling with deep, soothing breaths.

“I’m sensing there’s more,” she whispered, featherlight. “Whenever you’re ready…”

Galinda took another deep breath, allowing the shakiness that suddenly ran through her to happen naturally.

She felt the older girl hold her closer.

“Well, she said that there was an acceptable amount of weight to gain. And that anything more was unsightly for a lady… it’s…. It’s just about my future. I don’t want to lose any prospects because I’m not fit for a good suitor…” She explained, not daring to look up at her lover.

Above her, Elphaba worked hard at keeping her own emotions in check. How could that old bitch say such a thing to her roommate? Especially at such a young age.

She practically set the poor girl up for this.

Elphie wasn’t expecting Galinda to continue, but listened intently as she did.

“After that… my meals changed… we had salad and chicken instead of bread and lamb… Momsie, she’d watch me eat… when she’d decided I’d had enough food, she’d raise her brows and look offended until I put my fork down.” The blonde confessed.

The words seemed to come easier now, faster. Like she’d turned the faucet up all the way after fighting with it to open.

“She made me feel so guilty, just for eating… not to mention she’d tell me exactly how I looked in everything. What showed my stomach. What accentuated how flat I was… all of it. I remember her telling me how glad she was when I turned sixteen and ‘finally grew into my curves’.”

The younger girl felt like she could cry, but also felt supported.

It was a strange feeling. One she’d never felt before in her life.

She felt safe. In her own skin.

With a shaky breath, she continued.

“So… so now I guess it’s just… engrained in me… it… I feel like I’m worthy of love when I’m hungry…” she confessed. “… Saying that aloud makes me sound really fucked up, huh?”

Elphaba paused for a second, frowning deeply as she processed all the information she’d just been given.

She was going to kill Momsie, the sad, angry, neglected child part of her decided.

The more refined, rational part of her brain thought it would be better to comfort her lover in this vulnerable moment instead.

The angel on her shoulder, for once, beat the devil out.

Collecting the younger girl’s face in her hands, the black-haired girl looked down at her roommate.

Big, frightened doe eyes met hers with tears beginning to brim.

“Oh Oz… Galinda…” She started, willing something productive to rise to her brain.

When it didn’t, she settled to lean in closer, meeting the blonde’s pouting lips.

She kissed her delicately, softly- like she hoped to produce every ounce of love she felt for the younger girl and baby-bird feed her until she was too stuffed to believe anything other than the truth.

Galinda WAS worthy of love.

When she pulled away, the words spilled from her lips with ease.

“I love you…” She whispered softly at first. “Fuck what your mom says, I love you… and I’ll love you regardless of how you look- or- or how broken you think you are I fucking love you, Galinda…”

She kissed her again, featherlight.

“I love you; I love you; I love you…” The words hung from her lips like a hymn.

Galinda didn’t speak, instead opting to wrap her arms around the older girl, clinging to her in a vice grip.

She was so close, Elphie could feel her heart surge against her own green chest.

“Galinda…”

Gently, she followed suit, wrapping her arms tenderly around the blonde’s frame, ghosting gentle touches down her spine.

The younger girl buried her face in the crook of her lover’s neck, held to her as if she was scared to lose her.

Elphaba kissed the crown of her head once, then a hundred times over, repeating the same mantra as before.

Beneath her, she heard the blonde girl sniffle, then sob quietly.

As she cried, those strong green arms continued to hold her, soothing her over.

After she regained her composure, she looked up, tears still welling over her glossy brown eyes.

She sniffled, ungraceful and snotty.

Her chest heaved.

“Oh, Galinda…”

Green hands came up to wipe the moisture from her face, gently clearing away the mess from under her eyes. A manicured, pale hand caught their counterpart. Galinda turned her cheek, pressing a kiss into the warm touch.

“ I love you too, Elphie…”

Chapter Text

Slowly but surely, Elphaba coaxed the younger girl into relaxing by deploying a mixture of back rubs, forehead kisses, and soft whispers of adoration. It had taken a while to kick into effect, but now it seemed the blonde had crooned impossibly deeper into the soft bosom she was nestled into; her own frail body rising and falling as the older girl breathed, like waves meeting the shore.

It wasn’t easy to soothe her, but Elphaba decided that every hiccupping sob her lover released was necessary for the process and didn’t attempt to intervene. Instead of stroking her hair and telling her everything was fine, the black-haired girl met her lover where she was, almost as if she was feeling Galinda’s emotions through her.

It was exhausting.

But it was so worth it.

Especially now, with all of the blonde’s weight completely resting into her, as if she had surrendered herself into the vulnerability Elphie was sure she was craving deep down. She only hoped that the younger girl wouldn’t later regret this.

She reckoned a part of that was on her.

The frail figure on her lap stilled even more, breathing becoming shallower as her body loosened. Elphaba could tell she was still fighting the oncoming wave of exhaustion that likely hit her after everything calmed down, but it was evident that she was losing.
Unfortunately, before Galinda could actually get some rest, there was a knock at the door, followed immediately by the perpetrator announcing himself.

“Ladies, it’s just me, Fiyero.”

The figure on her lap whined.

“You don’t have to let him in if you don’t want to, Galinda…” the older girl soothed, resisting the urge to roll her eyes at the intrusion.

Still, dutifully, Galinda heaved herself off her lover’s lap, remolding the warm puddle she had become into something vaguely herself-shaped.

“Do I look okay? No makeup running?” She asked, looking to her roommate for help.

“Honestly, my sweet, that’s the least of your concerns…” Elphaba chided, but forced herself to smile teasingly.

“You look fine, go get ‘em tiger.”

Galinda giggled, still shaking the fuzzy weight of sleep from her bones as she opened the door.

“Hi princess…” He started, looking her over as subtly as he could.

Galinda fought the urge to roll her eyes, still pissy about being removed from her post-meltdown cuddle session.

“I um… I wanted to just check in on you…” He continued, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

“I’m feeling a bit better… but I must admit I am quite sleepy, Fiyero-“ Galinda was trying her hardest to mask the sass in her tone with a playful flounce.

“I’m sure you are… Um, listen, G… I don’t know the first thing about dealing with… well… this…” He gestured vaguely to her, still squirming like a child needing to use the restroom.

The prince paused for a half-beat to swallow before continuing.

“But I brought you a meal, a proper one… with meat and vegetables and fruit… I think I know better than to get on my hands and knees and beg you to eat it, but…”

“Oh, Fiyero…” Galinda softened, melting just a little bit at the gesture.

It wasn’t hard to tell that the winkie prince was nervous, probably for a vast number of reasons. Yet, he was here, showing up at her side with something he knew she needed, even at risk of angering or annoying her.

“I’ll eat it... I promise you…” She reassured, taking the food from him.

“Thank you, dear…”

The blonde nodded.

“In fact, why don’t you stay and hang out with Elphie and me for a bit? Especially since I kind of ruined date night earlier…” She offered, her mouth moving before her brain could properly weigh the outcomes of the choice she just made.

“Really? You’d have me?” Fiyero grinned, lighting up like a puppy.

Well, there was no turning back now, Galinda thought to herself.

“Yeah, c’mon in…” she affirmed, quietly steeling herself to take the piss for this from her roommate later.

Stepping aside to let the older boy in, Galinda noticed that the prince’s nervous demeanor had not let up, despite her reassurances.

A good girlfriend would ask what was wrong, she knew, and she wanted to, too. Yet a part of her brain held her back.

She loved Fiyero in the same way she loved Pfanne and Shenshen and all of her other friends at Shiz. Though that was all she felt for the man, nothing deeper. A part of her worried that entertaining him, treating him like she would even a good friend, would give him the idea that she really did love him in a romantical sense.

At the same time, that was how she was supposed to be loving him, especially since she had yet to tell him anything about her developing relationship with her roommate, who was still sitting in her pink bed at the moment.

That was another complicating factor. How the hell was she supposed to balance being a good girlfriend for Fiyero while sharing the room with the woman she was, dare she say madly, in love with?

This was a poor choice, she thought to herself as she turned to look between the two of them.

“Hi, Fae…” Fiyero started, tail still tucked.

‘Oz, what was he so upset with?’ Galinda wondered to herself, brows furrowed in both alarm and concern.

“Fiyero, long time no see.” The older girl jested, smiling softly. “How are you?”

“Oh… you know…” the prince looked down at his feet, seeing his shoes were still on, and scrambled to remove them.

“I know?” Elphaba responded, glancing as he moved.

She chuckled at his haste.

“You can leave those on, we don’t mind. Galinda doesn’t kick hers off until she’s practically in bed.”

“It’s the polite thing to do,” he retorted with a small apology as he set them by the door, pointedly not looking at Galinda as she unboxed her meal.

It looked absolutely delicious, the blonde would give him that. From what she could make of it, it looked to be a grilled chicken coated in pesto, with roasted broccoli and rigatoni. To the side, there was a container of fresh-cut strawberries as well.

Her mouth watered.
Elphaba stole a quick glance her way, careful not to let her eyes linger. She knew better than to watch the younger girl eat, but wanted to verify at least that she was eating. With that confirmation, she looked back at Fiyero, mouthing a “thank you.”

The prince nodded with a smile before turning to her.

“Hey, glin..?”

His voice seemed weary, like he was afraid she would bite him if he moved too quickly.

“M?” Galinda looked up at him, covering her mouth as she finished a bite.

Fiyero couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Despite his woes and concerns, he couldn’t deny that she looked adorable right now. Especially with how happy she was with her meal.

“When you’re done with that… would you be willing to have a quick chat? Nothing bad, I promise you, dear.”

Galinda nodded, once again not thinking before she agreed.

In fact, the only thing on her mind right now was how tender and flavorful the chicken breast she was currently shoveling into her mouth was. Oz, she didn’t even realize how deprived she’d been until the first real meal she’d had in days was plated in front of her.

“Thanks, love…” He watched for just a second more, relief starting to crack through his nervous demeanor.

“Do you need me to leave the room for a bit?” Elphaba offered quietly.
She knew that if she was to leave, she would stand right outside. Not as an invasion of privacy thing, but rather as a measure of safety for her lover. Though Elphie knew Fiyero was not dangerous, she also knew Galinda would be comforted by the sheer fact that her roommate was just a closed door away.

“I wouldn’t mind you staying, though maybe we’ll step out onto the balcony. That way we protect her image but still get a little bit of privacy.” He offered back.

Elphaba accepted graciously.

Deep down, the older girl was grateful for how chivalrous the prince was with Galinda. Even when she was annoyed with him or jealous of him, it brought her peace to know he was good to their shared lover, despite him being what stood in her way of having the blonde for herself.

As Galinda finished up, she dabbed the corners of her mouth with the provided napkin from the lunch box, looking at Fiyero.

The prince walked over, gently offering a hand to help her to her feet.

“Are you okay with us stepping out onto the balcony? Elphaba will stay in here to keep things proper.” He assured her.

Taking his hand, Galinda nodded, letting him lead her carefully to the French doors. He opened them for her, as a good man should, and then shut them behind himself after following her through.

Galinda looked around, now starting to question how she’d manage to make it this far with her brain on autopilot.

As the nerves rose from her stomach to her chest, the older boy carefully took her hand.

“Look, Galinda… I don’t want to sound accusatory or jealous… but, well, I care about you. And I want you to be happy…” He confessed, keeping his tone low and soothing, as if he were hushing a baby

The Blonde’s brows knit softly as she scanned his face, her brain struggling to read between the lines of his finely curated mask.

“Um, but I wanted to say… I’ve noticed lately… well… you’ve gotten very close with your roommate- all good, by the way, I’m so glad you two are getting along, but, G?”

Her heart could have stopped beating. Nervously, her nails dug into the soft skin of her fingers as the world seemed to tunnel in on the man in front of her.

As if he sensed the oncoming panic attack, Fiyero gently grabbed her hands, squeezing them tightly but gently to ground her.

“I’m not mad or upset, Galinda,” he soothed.

“I just want to know… Do you love Elphaba...?”

Galinda couldn’t tell if she wanted to run away from him or into his arms. All she could do was try to untangle the string of thoughts in her head in hopes of forming something coherent. Anything, anything at all would do.

She opened her mouth, begging the words to tumble out before the bile rising in her throat did.

Thankfully, her words stayed ahead of her brain.

“I-I didn’t mean to hurt you or make such a mess of everything- I-I Just- Well-“

The hands holding hers rubbed gentle circles into her skin.

“Breathe, Galinda, it’s okay. I’m not upset.” He cooed.

The blonde took a stuttered breath.

“I’m sorry, Fiyero…”

“Oh G…” He looked her over, gently holding a cheek when her eyes refused to meet his.

“It’s okay. As long as you’re happy…”

“I didn’t want to lead you on or make any false promises, I swear…” she confessed, still not meeting his eyes, yet taking his hand.

“I was going to break things off eventually… just… just needed everything to be safe, first…”

She realized that the mask had quickly slipped from her face. This would be a long conversation. One that warranted a lot of trauma dumping.

As on cue, Fiyero cocked his head, blue eyes full of concern.

“Safe? Oz, princess- No, I would never-“

“Not from you, ‘yero…” she mumbled just a little, words hopefully conveying the pout that she hid from him with the angle of her head.

“Then.. from who, Galinda…?” the prince questioned, concern turning to worry.

She did look up at him, finally. This confession required him to see how apologetic she was in all possible ways.

“You and I were perfect, you know that..? In another life, where I kept my single room, you and I would settle down in the upper uplands and have 3 kids and a dog, and everything would be picturesque…”

In a way, Galinda mourned that life- Mourned the steadfast, easygoing nature of what could have been the same way a sailor mourns the doldrums as he travels towards a darkened sky.

She knew it was for the better. She knew pushing forward would free her. Yet, it would likely be hard fought. There would be tears, and pain, and maybe even blood.

In her mind, she thought back to a lesson Doctor Dillamond had taught about some revolution somewhere in Oz, where some group had overthrown their government for some reason or another. The details, evidently, didn’t stick with her.

What did stick with her was the way he described what led to the war. The people that the goat spoke about were safe under the government that crushed by. It had a great military prowess, even by Ozian standards. But those people weren’t happy. They had harsh curfews and high taxes. They were expected to bow to a king they never wanted.

They weren’t free.

And so those people denied themselves safety, instead actively running headfirst into danger- all for the notion of freedom.

At first, Galinda thought they were stupid and reckless.

But the longer and longer she’d pined after Elphaba, the more she empathized. She realized that she was too in that dilemma, stuck balancing her safety and the notion of freedom. She had spent her whole life living by her parents' rules, trusting in the vision they set regardless of what it cost her. All the while, her wings grew weak from lack of use. Not that a bird needed particularly strong wings when they were clipped.

The blonde sat for a second, trying to get her thoughts aligned in a way Fiyero could digest.

“That’s all I ever wanted, Fiyero… to dance through life… to live with my silver spoon in hand and platter in front of me… but… but…” She sighed, searching.

“But it would never be enough.” He finished for her, taking her hand once more.

“You’d live and die bored. Unfulfilled. Dreaming of what could have been if only you had gone with your heart and not your head…”

“Who died and made you a poet…?” She muttered, only half teasing.

In truth, she was surprised at the depth of what he had said. Yet, it comforted her. She was happy he understood.

Fiyero chuckled, pulling her into a hug.

“You’re not alone in this dilemma, G…” He assured her, stroking blonde tresses softly. “But you never answered me. Who are you running from..?”

Galinda sighed. After everything, she knew she owed him the truth, or at least the Cliff Notes version of it.

“It’s my parents… I… they have an ideal vision set for my life and don’t want me to stray from it…”

“And I assume ditching your prince boyfriend for a green woman doesn’t exactly align with their vision?” .

“No, never… I don’t even want to get into the layers of why they would protest…”

Fiyero looked at her, frowning with her, before perking up, as if a lightbulb had gone off inside his brain.

“Aw, chin up, princess. You know, you and I are still friends, so what’s a little make-believe gonna hurt?” the prince offered with a grin.

Galinda stared at him, trying to decipher what he was suggesting.

“You know… We keep you and Elphie a secret… we pretend to keep dating for appearances only… and then Mommy and Daddy have no reason to be upset with you!” He grinned cheekily.

“And what’s in it for you, Prince Chivalry?” Galinda asked, finding his playful demeanor to be as infectious as always.

“Well, I get to continue acting like I’m straight.” He confessed with a sly grin.

Galinda’s jaw hit the floor.

“You mean-“

“mmhm.”

“All this time-“

“Yes, ma’a.m”

“We could have avoided this whole dog and pony show!”

“If either of us were just a little bit more genuine? I know, right??” He laughed, Galinda following.

Meanwhile, Elphaba sat at her own bed, listening intently to the din outside the balcony doors. The glass was thin, but it was just thick enough to block out individual words. All she could hear was their laughter and the general sounds of amusement the pair was making.

She sighed miserably to herself, knowing it was likely Galinda would never be truly hers.

For as much as the younger girl assured her, telling her how she loves only her, the way the prince and she acted seemed nothing short of romantic.

After all, they were sitting out there, alone together at sunset, watching the world go by in the embrace of one another as they laughed and laughed.

Maybe her green skin was the result of her envious nature, Elphaba thought discouragedly.

Just when she thought everything was over for her, and convinced herself that Galinda would come back in and they’d have sex on the bed in front of her, the balcony doors reopened.

Through the storm cloud surrounding her, Elphaba could’ve sworn she heard Fiyero say ‘Go get her.’

As she looked up from the book she was pretending to read, she saw Galinda, paddering towards her like a puppy. Her face was plastered with a smile Elphaba hadn’t seen in forever. One that was genuine.

Before Elphie could even greet the younger girl, pale legs settled on either side of her lap. The blonde leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to her lips.

Elphaba’s mind was torn between the instinct to pull her closer and the rational thought to push her away, lest they both get hurt. Somehow, she settled to pull back, but hold her lover’s cheek instead.

“Guess what?” the younger girl teased, resting her forehead against the older girl’s.

Before Elphaba even had a chance to respond, Galinda spoiled her own surprise.

“I’m yours. Only yours. Fiyero and I are just fake dating now…”

The blonde’s grin reached her ears.

Elphaba knew she should congratulate her. Should ask her what happened and how she’s feeling about it all.

Instead, she grabs her chin and leans in, gnashing her lips against the younger girl’s.

Galinda whines at the fervor, but makes no attempt to slow down the contact, instead deepening the kiss until teeth clash against each other, returning the favor until the need to breathe overcomes every other biological system.

Taking the chance, Fiyero slips out, knowing better than to interrupt. He can explain all of this to them later, but there’s no need to ruin their moment now.

Chapter Text

As the pair pulled away, strands of spit still connecting them to each other, Elphaba’s brain finally powered back on.

She knew what Galinda had said about how the blonde was now only fake-dating Fiyero. Whatever that meant.

She needed to know more before she formally celebrated. Especially because she knew how advantageous their disposition originally was to her roommate.

Catching her breath, the older girl streamlined the five thousand questions running through her mind into something more palatable for the blonde. Some way she’d understand.

“So, what does this fake-dating entail?” is what she’d finally settled on.

Galinda grinned ear to ear, sly as a woman who had given nothing and got everything.

“He’s… Well, you know…” She winked.

“I really don’t,” the older girl deadpanned.

“Zesty? Camp?? A friend of Dorothy??”

“Who in Oz’s name is Dorothy?”

“Oh, for the love of it, Elphie, He’s Queer!”

“He is doing you a great favor for you to be calling him strange-“

“He’s Gay, Thropp! He likes men!”

The dorm was silent for a few seconds. Elphaba tried not to think about how the blonde trilled her last name, already fighting the heat pooling in her core.

“I should have known.” She finally admitted, looking down at nowhere in particular.

“I know, right? He was the perfect man. Way too good to be true.”

Elphaba masked a frown. He WAS the perfect man. Thank Oz, he was gay, otherwise there was no way Elphaba could have truly won Galinda over.

The thought of that hurt the green girl in such a familiar way.

“… Galinda? Can I be honest with you for a second…?”

“Huh? Well, sure, Elphie…”

The blonde nuzzled in, focusing her attention up at her lover.

“I know I’ve been asking a lot of you, with being vulnerable and all that… um… would you be okay with me being vulnerable back...?”

Green eyes met brown, conflicted. As if she were trying to decide what to do.

“Elphie… please. I’d love to listen.”

“right…”

The older girl swallowed, looking down at their lap.

Pale hands encased her own green ones, soothing them over.

Since when was she shaking?

“Look… I know I’m not the best lover… I’m not always attentive... and I have a short fuse and sometimes I make things worse when I’m trying to help…”

Galinda leaned closer, resting her head on the older girl’s chest.

She could feel her heartbeat leap at the action…

“What I’m trying to get at is… I understand if I really was your second choice. I mean, look at me- “

“Elphie…”

“I’m not the perfect gentleman. I fuck up a lot. I’m green, for crying out loud-“

“Elphie-“

“I’d just like to know the honest truth. I was your second choice, right...?”

“Oh, Elphaba…”

“Don’t pity me- please-“

“Hey.”

Galinda gently grabbed her chin, drawing her eyes down to look at her.

“It’s my turn now, okay? Just listen, doll.”

Doll, Elphaba thought, that was a new one. Not unwelcome, though…

Rubbing her thumb soothingly against smooth green skin, Galinda continued.

“I don’t want perfect. I want you. With your loudmouth and temper and your escape mechanisms… I love your green skin and your pretty face and the way you’re always willing to trust me… even when you’re scared…”

Elphaba crooned softly, frowning.

“I know you’re scared now, too. But trust me, my sweet. Can you do that for me?”

The older girl nodded.

“Good… then… You should know that I only know Fiyero is gay because I broke up with him first.”

Elphaba paused. Her mouth opened to respond, but nothing came out.

“It wasn’t fair to you to watch us dance through life while you played second fiddle… I love you so much… I just figured everything else could fall into line. So long as I kept you by my side.”

“Galinda… you didn’t need to sacrifice everything for me like that…”

The blonde nibbled at her lower lip, anxiously rubbing her hands.

“A sacrifice is supposed to be valuable… the more and more I thought about it, the less I found anything of value in where my life was headed.”

She leaned up, gently pressing a kiss to her lips.

“I love you, Elphie…”

“I love you too…”

Galinda settled back in, curling close to her chest.

“Oh, by the way… I’m going back to Gillikin next week for fall break…”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmhm… I already talked to Momsie… you’re welcome to join me if you’d like to…”

“Me?”

“No, my sweet. My other beautiful green lover. Who else?”

“She’d allow me?”

“Of course. I told her you’re my dearest friend now… which… isn’t technically a lie… just a bit of an understatement…”

Elphaba laughed, rich and full.

“So… are you coming?”

“We’ll have to see. But likely, yes.”

Galinda grinned ear to ear.

“You have to be nice to my Momsie, though.”

“No promises,” Elphaba sneered.

“I will warn you, though, she likely won’t act like you’ve heard…”

“Let me guess…”

Elphaba adjusted, pulling the younger girl closer on her lap and tucking her under her chin.

“She’ll act like a perfectly competent and loving parent while I’m over. She’ll dote on you and stroke your hair and tell all her guests how proud she is of you. How amazing you are. And then all the guests go home for the night, and she makes you sit and hear and feel every little fuck up you could have possibly made until your chest is so heavy with shame you feel like you’ll be unable to run up the stairs to bed when she’s done with you. Is that how she acts?”

“I-“

“My father is the same. With Nessarose at least. I was never allowed at these gatherings…”

Galinda grimaced, then scowled.

“I’m going to kill your father one day.” She swore.

Elphaba laughed, sweet yet sardonic.

“Now you know how I feel.”

Chapter Text

The Upland Manor was every bit as large and impressive as Elphaba’s own home (her father’s house, that is), if not a little bit nicer.

The large, white house sat in the middle of several acres of manicured woods and included several extra amenities, including a large wrap-around porch and a sunroom attached to the side of the home.

Galinda sighed softly at the sight, grinning.

“Here it is, home sweet home…”

Elphaba looked over at the blonde, hoping to get a read on her. As expected, the blonde showed no tells of anything negative.

Damn that mask of hers to hell, the older girl thought to herself.

She knew this would be a difficult time for her lover, and that it was likely she wouldn’t be her usual self.

The way Elphie thought of it, she would be doing well to get her to eat and maybe keep her comforted through the week.

As on cue, the polished main doors swung open, and an older blonde woman ran out.

She was slender and dressed like she was ready for a fine dining reservation. Her cheekbones sat unusually high, and despite her apparent age, she boasted no wrinkles.

“Momsie!” Galinda gasped, running to the woman with arms open.

“Oh, Galinda! How good it is to see you!”

The older woman embraced her, tight and close.

Elphaba watched as the blonde nuzzled into the hold, careful to mask her own conflicted expression in the presence of her lover’s family.

As the duo pulled away, mother took daughter’s hand and looked her over.

“My, Galinda. Have you lost weight, dear? You look amazing!”

The blonde flourished, beaming.

“Oh, you know… I just simply must stay in shape for my Fiyero…”

She grinned deviously.

Her mother returned the smile, squeezing the hand she held.

“Oh, you MUST tell me all about him, Galinda!”

If Elphaba were an uneducated onlooker, she would think this were a conversation between two teenage girls.

“I will, Momsie, I swear it. But first, it would be impolite of me not to introduce my guest…”

Elphaba snapped to attention, ensuring her face was fixed in an acceptable expression.

“This is Miss Elphaba Thropp of Munchkinland, the first-born daughter of Governor Thropp.”

Galinda’s mother’s smile was polished, practiced.

Elphie was certain the blonde had primed her on her verdigris before their arrival.

“Oh, Miss Thropp! So good to finally meet you! My sweet little peach has told me so many great things about you, dear!” She extended her hand for the green girl to shake.
Elphaba reached out, returning the gesture firmly, with direct eye contact.

Just as she had been taught.

“The pleasure is mine, Mrs. Upland. Your daughter is the greatest thing that has happened to me.”

Outside of her kind words, Elphaba noticed that the Upland matriarch did not pull away at the sight of her condition or her touch. Either she was truly housetrained, or Galinda had grilled her into being nice.

Or she knew of the power her father held. Though, according to Galinda, it didn’t matter much; her popsicle was just as powerful as Governor Thropp in title, and out-matched him greatly in actual influence.

Regardless of why it was, it wasn’t lost on Elphaba that the older upland treated her with dignity. It all felt so… fake.

“Oh, you two must come in! The waitstaff can take your bags! Galinda dear, do make haste showing your friend around! And give her the guest room facing west- the one by yours! It simply has the best view in the house!” She fretted, ushering them both inside.

Galinda breathed in the scent of home, carefully removing her boots and leaving them by the door.

“The maids will be upset if we track mud in,” she explained.

Elphaba nodded, taking in the grandness of the foyer.

The floors were polished marble, with bowed staircases framing the main door on either side. The ceiling was complete with a large, crystal chandelier.

It all was marvelous, to say the least.

No wonder Galinda lives like a princess, Elphaba thought to herself.

While the older girl was raised in a similarly sized home, with all of the fixtures, she and the rest of her family led rather modest lives.

Despite her Father’s primary career in government, he was a well-known follower of the unnamed god, and as a result, led his family to “live simply.”

It wasn’t like he cared enough about the green girl to give her more than the basics, anyway.

“c’mon Elphie… I’ll show you upstairs.”

Gently, the blonde led her through the impressive halls of her childhood home, making light talk about her favorite spots as a young girl.

She pointed out their small library along the way, which was mostly complete, featuring her father’s political and economic policy novels (and her mother’s forbidden romance novels). There were a few books in there that Galinda knew her roommate would take an interest in, and she would be happy to cuddle up with her while she read.

Finally, she showed her to the end of the west wing, where both girls were staying. Galinda’s childhood bedroom sat catty-corner to the room Momsie had prepared for Elphaba. They would continue to share a bedroom, which was just across the hall from the blonde’s chambers.

“Do you wanna see your room first, or mine?” the blonde asked, gleefully.

“We can go to yours. After all, my stuff is still with your housestaff. It’ll be a minute before we need to unpack.”

“Of course!” Galinda grinned, opening the door for her.

To say Galinda lived like a princess would be an understatement.

The room was spacious, with a large vanity and mirror. Her king-sized bed was canopied, and the whole space practically glowed in pink.

The blonde skipped in, happily flopping herself onto her bed with a sigh.

She looked up at the older girl, still standing hesitantly in the doorway.

“Well? Don’t be a stranger…”

Elphaba laughed, shutting the door behind her and making her way over to where the blonde lay.

Delicately, as if she were scared to break it, she perched on the edge of the bed; the down mattress sinking under her weight.

Immediately, pale arms and legs wrapped around her, enveloping her in a full-body hug and trying to wrestle her down.

The older girl complied with a smile, relaxing in the younger girl’s embrace and allowing herself to lie down.

As soon as her back hit the bed, Galinda was readjusting, moving them so that she was curled into the older girl. In tandem, Elphaba wrapped her arms tightly around her, holding her close.

“How are you feeling right now?”

As she asked, she stroked soothing circles on the younger girl’s arms.

“Mm, right now? I’m on top of the world…” the blonde answered, leaning up for a kiss.

Like clockwork, the green girl obliged, allowing her lips to meet her lover’s.

The kiss started slow, as they so often did.

Yet Galinda’s appetite drove them forward, deepening the kiss after a few seconds.

They both pulled away, panting.

Silently, she let her leg ride up over the older girl’s hips, flipping her weight so that she was straddling her Elphie.

Leaning in until their lips brushed against each other, Galinda’s pale hand traced down her lover’s body, resting right below where the hem of her shirt met the skin of her green navel.

“You know… I’ve never done it here before…” she suggested, voice low and husky.

Underneath her, Elphaba felt like she was burning alive. Her clothes suddenly became too constricting. The room was ten degrees hotter.

“I can keep my clothes on if you need…”

“Oh, glin… no dearest… I want to see you. All of you. But-“

Galinda frowned; she knew what was coming.

They weren’t ready for this. She knew it was what Elphie was going to say. She’d heard it again and again before.

Deep in her chest, she worried that she just… didn’t do it for the older girl; that she just wasn’t enough. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“But your staff will be by any minute with your bags… “

Galinda visibly relaxed.

“They always knock. Always.”

“If you’re so sure…”
The blonde leaned down, capturing the older girl’s lips in hers. Her hand ran up the green girl’s abs tenderly, allowing her manicured nails to stimulate the sensitive skin.

“mm…” Elphie moaned quietly into her mouth.

Against her lips, Galinda grinned.

Veni, Vidi, Vici, she thought to herself as she pulled away from the kiss, instead dragging her lips down the older girl’s neck.

Her off-hand began working on the buttons sealing her lover’s shirt.

Just as she had freed Elphaba’s green breasts, there was a knock on the door.

Galinda huffed.

“Yes?”

“Young Miss Upland, your mother requires your presence downstairs.”

Chapter Text

As Galinda hurried off with her servant to attend to whatever her mother needed, Elphaba found herself alone in the younger girl’s room.

She knew that the best thing she could do for herself in this moment was to return to her own space and begin unpacking her belongings, but the whimsical nature of the blonde’s childhood haven beckoned her to stay a while longer.

Her pink bed was soft, plush. It was exactly what Elphaba expected of her lover, and unsurprisingly, like her bed back at Shiz. It cradled her tired bones just right in its attempt to lull her to sleep.

Regardless, the older girl’s mind was too awake for her to rest. This was where Galinda had lived her life before Shiz. This was her haven when the pressures of her upbringing became too much.

The thought excited Elphaba in a way she knew was dangerous.

Despite every warning sign that her brain flashed, the green girl sat up, willing herself out of the plush, sinking warmth that engrossed her.

As she stood, she began to look around, eyes trained to search for anything that might be interesting to her.

She knew Galinda had her masks, and her walls, and her unreadable aura. Of course, she let the older girl in sometimes, but Elphaba knew in her heart that she would never understand how deep the ocean before her was until she touched the bottom.

Unfortunately for the blonde, that meant some minor snooping was in order.

Of course, Elphie meant no harm to her beloved in going through her belongings. She was there to understand and accept, not judge or shame. Still, she knew how bad the optics of her actions were.

Which meant she’d need to be quick, her brain reminded her.

Immediately, the older girl got to work, looking through chests and drawers. She’d started with the vanity, thinking it would be a typical place for anything with emotional value.

After finding nothing but old skincare vials and an extra hairbrush, Elphaba took a step back to contemplate. She wouldn’t destroy the girl’s room in pursuit of knowledge, and she didn’t want to invade all her privacy if she could help it.

Her next venture would need to be strategic.

Like a key and a kite, a new notion struck: She needed to look under the bed.

All of Galinda’s most intimate valuables were stored under her bed at school, including the makeshift first aid kit she had made for herself. It was likely a habitual place for the blonde to hide important stuff.

Immediately, the green girl fell to her knees against the plush rug surrounding her bed. As she lifted the bed skirt, her brain once again warned her of the boundary she could be breaking.

Still, her curiosity compelled her forward.

As soon as her hand reached into the darkness, she struck gold in the form of a medium-sized lacquered chest, complete with a small, open lock.

How convenient, she thought to herself as she carefully removed it from the latch.

It was a nice piece of storage, handcrafted with spiral details that created pink roses up and down the sides. It was cool and heavy in her hands. The brass on the latch and hinges was polished, as if it were used often enough not to tarnish.

The weight of what Elphaba was about to do sat with her, manifested in solid oak. Still, she persisted, taking a deep breath as she bridged the gap between looking around and snooping.

The lid opened silently and without protest. Inside the box, which Elphie now knew was lined in a pink cotton, was a small journal- or rather a stack of them; all of them neatly labeled. One read out “Diary,” another “Planner.” The one that really caught Elphaba’s attention was the notebook labeled “Poetry.”

Poetry. She had no clue Galinda would enjoy writing. Perhaps it wasn’t hers.

Still, its siren call was irresistible.

To avoid any conflict, Elphaba quickly pushed the other journals, as well as the box itself, back under the bed.

Cautiously, she listened for any signs of the younger girl’s return.

The only clue she got in return was the faint sound of a piano. She knew that Galinda had been taught to play. It wasn’t unlikely that it was her down there now.

The faint, soprano voice rising from the floorboards confirmed her assumption.

Now emboldened, the older girl settled in, knowing it would be some time before her lover returned. Resting back on her cozy bed, Elphie carefully opened the pink-dyed leather cover.

The first page was decorated with pink ink and glitter, the “poetry” title once again scrawled out in Galinda’s loopy, girlish handwriting.

Stealing herself, the green girl turned the page once more. The tension in the air was ripe, despite her solitude.

This time, she was greeted by a true written work, conceived by the same pink pen as before.

It was long, Elphaba could tell that just by looking at it. Throughout the work, the younger girl’s handwriting was present, though it changed slightly; as if her wrist began to grow weary.

Now that she had confirmed this to be the younger girl’s written work, she knew what she needed to do. Settling deeper into the bed, she began.

The poem read out:

“I overslept this morning
A usual 8:30 rise turned to nearly 11
Getting out of bed isn’t what it used to be
I remember when all I wanted was a morning in

Nothing got done today
The trash continued to sit,
My laundry littered across the floor
It all seemed to just rot with me

Instead of doing anything productive
I splayed myself across my chair,
vegetating. Basking in yesterday’s filth
Without the motivation to shower

Truth is, this is how I find myself most weekends
Behind closed doors, reprieved from the world
It’s frightening how much of my motivation
Comes from social pressure to perform

To be little Miss Perfect
Ready at any moment for curtain call
The fate of the show balanced with ease
On my delicate pinky finger

But when the curtain closes
And the crowd goes home
After hours of keeping them on the edges of seats
It seems I am not myself

I don’t recognize my face when it’s not caked in makeup
My natural features foreign to me,
Street clothes feeling alien on my body,
Made to be a spectacle

After all, you wouldn’t drape tarp over a Mirrorball.

When the party is over
And no tricks are left to do
What keeps you moving?
Why do you go on?

What stops you from going to bed with unbrushed hair,
The stench of alcohol still fresh on your lips?
What motivates you to wipe the makeup from your face,
Sipping at water before tucking yourself in?

How do people function
When there isn’t anyone to please?
It’s so disconcerting to know
That beyond smoke and mirrors,

I’m fundamentally broken in a way I can’t even grasp

Caring for myself feels no different
Then caring for an animal
A very spoiled, pampered beast
But still unmistakably non-human

On days I have places to be,
It feels natural
Even with complex routines,
The steps come easily

Haircare consisting of concoctions of products
Complex skincare cycles
Under-portioned meals
All effortless. So long as someone’ll notice

So long as someone is there
To realize my effortless, natural beauty
But not involved enough to know
How much of a facade it is

After all, I would hate to spoil the show. “

Elphaba’s brow was furrowed, her lips downturned as she processed what she had just read. Evidently, this was something she could use- with proper analysis, of course.

She’d always known Galinda masked. It was a good show she put on, second only to her true nature. Though she had only seen parts of the younger girl underneath; only what she’d show her.

This new, seemingly depressed side of the blonde was not something she’d seen yet. She’d helped her lover through panic attacks and bouts of anxiety. She’d fed her when the younger girl was hesitant about eating. She’d seen the bad and still chose to love her through it. Though this was new.

Neck deep in her academization of her roommate’s darkest emotions, Elphaba didn’t realize the minuet playing beneath her had come to an end. Nor had she heard the quiet, bounding footsteps leading back to the room.

In fact, until the white and gold door opened before her, Elphaba had no clue Galinda was on her way back.

Yet here she was, caught red-handed. Or so it appeared.

Thinking on a whim, the older girl quickly shoved the still-open notebook underneath the blankets, trying to appear as normal as possible.

Galinda didn’t seem to notice, thankfully.

“Sorry about that, Elphie… Momsie likes having me practice piano while I’m home. Something about entertaining others? I’m not sure why. But I actually really like playing, so it’s fine!” the blonde chirped, moving about as if nothing was out of place.

Elphaba allowed her heart to slow, praying to the unnamed god she didn’t believe in as the blonde flopped down haphazardly on the bed.

“I could hear you through the floor. You sounded very good,” She praised, still sweating bullets.

“Mm, maybe I’ll have to sing for you more often.”

With a small sound, the blonde rolled over, closing the distance between her and her lover.

“You know, it was quite embarasifiying to be down there, playing little songs, when all the while I could feel how wet I was through my panties?” she whispered to her, quietly.

Her point was accentuated with a gentle nip to the older girl’s helix.

Elphaba gasped, light and airy.

“Where were we?”

The blonde looked to her, clearly waiting for her to initiate.

Despite the reassurance earlier that the older girl wanted this, Galinda was still cautious. She didn’t want to push her lover past her comfort zone. Especially not here, where they were all but forced to remain close to each other.

Quickly, Elphaba grabbed her, rolling them again so that she sat on the older girl’s hips, straddling, just like before she was pulled away.

The blonde flourished, blushing and grinning.

Elphaba smiled back, infatuated with the beauty in front of her. Slowly, as if testing the waters, she ran her hands up milky pale thighs.

The blonde gasped quietly, whispering her lover’s name like a prayer.

Elphaba watched as the look of aroused bliss shifted quietly to something more mischievous.

Within seconds, the blonde was leaning down. Lips attached, working in tandem. Before Elphaba could even register what was going on, the younger girl’s leg hooked around hers, rolling them to the side.

Now, Elphaba sat atop Galinda’s hips, feeling bony flesh bite into the thick of her ass. Not that she minded. Leaning down to continue what the blonde had started, she realized something was off.

Galinda squirmed uncomfortably, put off by something beneath her. Sitting up slightly, she reached under her back to remove the offending item. As she pulled her open poetry book out, her brows knitted.

“This doesn’t go here…” she started, more confused than anything.

Elphaba felt like she’d swallowed a rock.

“How’d this-“ she cut herself off suddenly, turning to face the older girl.

“Did you get this out..?”

Chapter Text

Elphaba’s mouth remained sealed out of fear for what would happen if she admitted she was snooping. Unfortunately, the gesture didn’t provide her much of a damper on what was to come.

At first, Galinda was silent, staring through the older girl with a look in her eyes that Elphie had never seen before. It was hallowed, like she wasn’t fully present. Yet she could still see all the emotions running behind those blue irises.

Rage danced with betrayal, mixing with disappointment before ultimately being wooed by hurt. Blonde brows furrowed slightly as the younger girl’s once blank face settled into a quasi-pout.

Elphaba watched in real time as the blonde shut down, rebooted, and tried to make sense of everything that had just happened in the last thirty seconds. All while Galinda’s eyes burned a hole into the older girl’s chest.

Finally, after what seemed like an age of painful silence, Galinda spoke —soft, but not quite peaceful.

“What did you see...?”

She sounded fragile, almost scared.

The sound deepened the growing hole.

Elphaba felt trapped between two wrong answers. Either she told the younger girl everything- about her boredom, the book, the poem she’d read- or she remained silent. head hung like a shamed dog. The silence felt easier than the confession.

Wrong answer.

“Elphaba Thropp,” Galinda commanded, her voice still fragile but louder.

Elphie was no longer afraid she’d break. Rather, she was fearful of an explosion.

Galinda glared through her, as if she was trying to bypass the older girl altogether and extract the information straight from her brain. The buzzing of silence was too loud, too full.

It only upset her more.

Galinda could feel herself bubbling past a simmer- feel the pot of her emotions threaten to bubble over the top. She knew better than to let it overflow, knew she needed to do something to remove heat.

She swallowed, a lump of thick emotion forcibly exiting down her throat. Chasing the feeling with a deep breath, Galinda turned to think of ways she could mitigate this boiling anger.

Usually, when she was this upset, she would turn to her friends. But, seeing she was home for the break…

Plan B was always to write the feelings out. Usually, this came in the form of poetry.

The same poetry that was now unsafe, the bitter part of her brain reminded her, talking over the rational voice.

That was all it took for the volcano to erupt.
Galinda turned to the older girl, mask so carefully curated yet so easily spotted.

Her face was straight, emotionless. Pure stone.

“Get out.” She muttered, throat betraying her cool façade as it closed up.

“Galinda-“ Elphaba pleaded.

She knew full well Galinda was not okay. Despite knowing how much good space could do for them, she was not excited about leaving her lover alone in the state she was in.

“I said. Get. Out.”

The mask had slipped. Each word from the younger girl’s lips was all snarl and teeth and claws. Elphaba watched the spit particles fly from her as she all but growled- one shaking, manicured finger pointing towards the door.

Elphaba knew better than to escalate. She knew she would have to trust Galinda to come to her when she calmed down. They would talk about this, she assured herself. Just not yet.

“Very well. I’ll be in the guest room, if you do want to talk…”

With a soft sigh, she stood and left without further fuss.

Galinda watched her go. Watched as the door behind her shut, leaving her alone.

Before all else, she turned to the golden handle and locked it behind the older girl.

She could already feel the shame grasping at her for how she behaved. It wasn’t even that big of a deal.

So what, her girlfriend read some of her poetry? She’d seen everything already- known everything written in there.

Still, the betrayal stung like bile rising in her throat. Not to mention the sting in her chest from knowing how out of line she was- even if it could have been worse.

She felt like a bad dog.

Bad dogs are punished, her brain reminded her quietly.

Galinda’s mind immediately went to the little box she had hidden in the back of her wardrobe, stashed behind the frills of old ballgowns. It was similar to the one she’d take to school with her, though made of a nicer material- one less suspect.

As if she were running on autopilot, she let her emotions lead her. The sense of betrayal opened the oak door for her as shame guided her hand back to the familiar nook she’d shoved it into. Guilt grasped the box, pulling it out of its hidey hole.

Galinda paused for a second, staring down at the mini chest in her hands as if it were fruit from the forbidden tree.

Her guilt prodded at her, assuring her that everything was fine.

It wasn’t like she would surely die.

The rational voice in her head was once again drowned out, this time by a constant replay of the event. It felt like with every loop, Galinda was more and more in the wrong.

Unable to resist, she opened the box.

The feeling of sharp steel in her hands was something the blonde couldn’t say she missed.

Yet, all the while, her brain whirred with endorphins expectantly, knowing what was to come next.

The fruit of the tree was sweet, after all.

Her heart thrummed in her chest, breathing electricity into her veins. It almost felt as if she were salivating.

With what little capacity Galinda had left, she turned to re-check the door, ensuring it was locked.

Upon confirmation, the ritual began.

Quickly, the older girl shucked her dress from her body. A distant voice deep inside of her worried about how Elphaba would react.

Helpfully, her betrayal reminded her that Elphaba would have to know it happened first.

The alcohol was cold against her taunt ribs, causing goosebumps to form at the surface.

The rational voice in her brain went quiet, successfully drowned out by the rushing undercurrent in her veins.

The metal still smelled the same when heated under the lighter. Metallic, almost rusty. Not unsimilar to blood.

The metal was still hot when it pressed against her skin. She didn’t waste time trying to line the blade up against already present scars, nor did she check to see if the scars from her last bout had healed.

Truly, she was unhinged.

The rules she had created existed to keep her safe. Then again, hiding her poetry was intended to have the same effect, and look where that got her.

The first cut was more aggressive than she’d ever been with herself, ripping through flesh and immediately dripping saccharine red.

Almost instantly, everything quieted to a dull hum around her.

She repeated the motion again and again, cutting into flesh until tears clouded her vision and the blade slipped from her hands.

When she went to wipe her eyes, warm blood clung to her face.

She didn’t even realize how much of it she’d gotten on her.

Galinda knew that she couldn’t have killed herself by cutting at her ribs. They were literally designed for protecting her body- an artery there would be counterintuitive.

Still, when her vision cleared, it felt like all she could see was red.

Numbly, she frowned. She’d need a shower before she could dress her wounds.

Careful not to make more of a mess than needed, the blonde carefully unlocked her door, still fully naked. She knew her mother was downstairs, but she still cautiously made sure there was no waitstaff around before taking the risk and half-running across the hall to the bathroom.

With a sigh, she shut the door behind her. She knew she had limited time before the numbness turned to sadness, so she needed to act quickly. She turned the water on, unbothered by how hot it was or how it stung at her fresh wounds.

Under the stream of steaming water, she assessed the damage she’d done to herself. The cuts were deeper than her typical marks but hadn’t breached the dermis. With proper care, the scars should look like all the rest and not raise.

The blonde let out a soft breath she didn’t know she was holding. Now, as emotions settled to the wayside, she realized how unhinged she was in that moment. It was like she wasn’t even in control of herself.

It was fine, though, she told herself.

She was obviously still here, and so far, it appeared no one knew.

Everything was fine.

After stepping out of the shower, Galinda carefully dressed the wounds with supplies in the bathroom. She had a jar of the scar balm on hand, as well as some oils that were supposed to help the old, lightened scars.

Everything was fine.

She brushed and braided back her hair before heading back to the room. As soon as she was in, she wrapped her side in bandages, covering any damning marks up.

Afterwards, she took to her wardrobe, tucking the repacked box back into its cranny. Before leaving, she grabbed a sweater and a pair of underwear to put on.

Once fully dressed, she tucked herself into her bed, expectant.

Like clockwork, her eyes filled with tears. Her whole body felt hollow, like it was rotting from the inside out.

Sobs wracked through her core, deep and heavy. She made sure she was not loud enough to be heard by anyone.

Galinda had cried in that bedroom since birth. She knew exactly how loud she could get without anyone hearing her, within reason.

What a pity it was that she had never tested her volume while the guest room was occupied.

Through their shared wall, Elphaba heard the way she cried- heard the way sobs ripped through her body.

She could picture it, the way her frail chest rose with each heave, how her marred ribs would hiccup with her.

It made her feel sick.

Chapter Text

As time passed, Galinda’s sobs softened, no longer forcing their way out of her body. Rather, quiet, soft hiccup-like sobs caught in her throat, filling the silence with gasps that just as easily could have come from a wounded animal.

If she weren’t so distracted by her spiraling thoughts, now would have been the time for the rational voice in her head to remind her that she needed to breathe- not take more of the shallow little stutter-breaths her body seemed so keen on now.

But that rational voice was drowning under waves of self-loathing and anger. Unfortunately, Galinda was on her own.

The stuttered breaths continued.

The blonde’s thoughts raced through her head, hitting every insecurity, fear, and shortcoming as they bounced back and forth against her skull. Each one was practiced, precise. Designed to strike a nerve.

Some of them were things her Momsie had told her- offhanded comments about how entitled and ungrateful she was, or how she was just so much work to keep alive. They made her feel unwanted. Like she was stuck somewhere she didn’t belong.

Those reminders mixed with the reality she had constructed for herself. Like how she was unlovable- she knew no one would ever actually want her. Sure, she was pretty enough to tolerate, but… once she opened her stupid mouth, that beauty no longer mattered.

Nothing. That’s what Galinda felt she was. No, that wasn’t the right word. She wasn’t ‘nothing’… Galinda was worse than nothing. at least nothing was just a waste of space. She was worse than that.

She was worthless.

Briefly, her body’s instincts to survive overrode her angsting brain. Her barely-breaths caught up to her, surging adrenaline through her until panic flooded her brain, washing away all thoughts of self-loathing for now.

Unfortunately, gasping for air like a beached fish wouldn’t fill her lungs. Worse, her throat seemed to be closing.

In the back of her mind, Galinda knew that this was a panic attack. She’d had hundreds of them before. Still, her leading analysis of the situation was that she was going to die, here and now.

She gasped louder, more desperate.

Somewhere, she knew how to treat this. Yet the information now seemed foreign to her, written in a code she had forgotten long ago.

Slowly, dark spots crept into her vision, spotting over her eyes.

She was going to pass out.
The blood coursing through her seemed to physically fall. Her stomach felt like she had just crested a hill too fast.

The world around Galinda went black.

Her body slumped, falling from her bed to the floor with the slack. She hit the hardwood floors with a thump- A thump loud enough to be heard through the wall.

The wall by which her lover sat, waiting.

Elphaba had long since been fixated on the younger girl’s apparent fit- listening to her cresting and receding sobs. When they had quieted, she simply assumed the blonde had fallen asleep.

Now, she was setting her book down spine-up to go investigate.

Likely, the younger girl had shifted in her sleep and knocked something to the floor. Though something inside the older girl told her otherwise. The sound was too loud, the circumstances too familiar.

Gently, she knocked on the blonde’s door.

“Galinda...? You okay in there? I heard something fall…”

The lack of response stirred Elphaba’s heart, kick-starting it to beat at unprecedented speeds.

She knew that if Glin was sleeping, she likely just didn’t hear the knock. Still, she had a strong premonition that something was not right.

She knocked again, louder than the first. When that failed, she tried the doorknob.

On the first try, it appeared the door was locked- the golden knob wouldn’t even move, despite her firm grip.

Her heartbeat thrummed impossibly louder, sounding off in the green girl’s ears like a kick drum. She tried knocking one last time, to no avail.

On the second try, the doorknob gave way, opening with a click, as if a key had been inserted.

Elphaba pushed through the solid door, despite the resistance it still seemed to give. It was odd, as if something were blocking it- she’d only been able to crack it open enough for her frame to fit through.

The idea that Galinda would put something there to keep it close made the older girl’s stomach flip.

She scanned the room, diligently searching for those gentle blonde curls. When she couldn’t find her, she braced against the door more, looking for it to give.

When it didn’t, she swore silently to herself, eyes shooting down to see what was blocking it.

Her heart sank at the sight of her lover, face down and pressed against the hardwood. The blonde was splayed out unnaturally, limbs jutted every which way. She was already starting to bruise.

Running on sheer instinct, Elphaba quickly flipped her over. She frowned at how little effort it took to maneuver the bony girl, but her worries were soon on the mend at the sight of the younger girl’s chest rising and falling naturally.

She was alive. That was all Elphaba truly cared about in this moment. The rest could be fixed.

Effortlessly, she reached down and scooped the blonde up, careful to support her frail body. Galinda’s head lulled against her chest, eyes peacefully shut.

Elphaba could almost hear the sleepy little grumble that usually came with carrying the blonde like this- a sound she’d committed to memory what felt like years ago.

Yet now her lover was still. There were no grumbles or yawns. No crooning or nuzzling in.

Eerily, she felt cold. Elphaba tried not to think too hard about it.

Lying the blonde down onto her bed, the older girl instead focused her energy on looking over her lover. She’d bruised a bit on the knees ans thighs from falling, and it wasn’t a stretch to say she could be injured somehow- especially with how fragile her body currently was.

Cautiously, she looked over what she could see, eyes spanning down the younger girl’s somewhat exposed body.

Her pink sweater covered her arms and (seemingly) her whole torso, making contact with the frilly panties she had put on after her shower. However, on closer look, whatever covered her torso was not the same material as the cashmere blend.

It was a white, almost gauzy texture. At first, Elphaba assumed it was simply an undershirt, given it provided such modesty. It wasn’t until she noticed red seeping through towards the top that its true purpose was revealed to her.

Her heart sank, but not in the same way it had before. Expectant, almost dreadful worry filled her, without panic.

Of course, this would happen, she thought as her face contorted into a pitiful frown.

It was her fault. It had to be. There was no other explanation.

Between the fight, her silence, and her lover's sobs, she should have known this was what would happen. Should have known Galinda was quiet for far too long.

Guilt filled the hollow in her chest, catching in her throat.

So desperately she wanted to peel the dressings away- count out the wounds and treat them as if they were her own. But, after everything that had happened today, she knew better than to invade the younger girl’s privacy like that.

Instead, she grabbed a dark-colored towel, gently placing it between the blonde’s leaking wounds and her sweater. It would keep her clean and dry without compromising her at all.

Elphaba knew she’d have to wait.

The blonde would come to her when she was ready.

Still, she couldn’t help but stay by her side. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she carefully stroked through the younger girl’s blonde curls.

She watched her lover’s chest rise and fall, keeping perfect rhythm with her own lungs.

It was the least she could do after all she’d fucked up.

Chapter Text

Galinda’s eyes fluttered gently as she awoke. Despite the circumstances of her current position, she was relaxed, peaceful even.

Her body felt heavy, in the way it would after a good workout or a romp in the hay. She felt strangely floaty, too, as if she wasn’t tethered by gravity. The last thing Galinda registered was that she felt warm, like she was in someone’s arms.

Before sitting up, the blonde took a moment to gather herself, looking around cautiously. The last thing she remembered before her world went dark was panic, though she didn’t know why.

The room around her was serene, still. Everything seemed to be in place. She was in bed, warm and tucked under the covers.

Everything in front of her told her that she’d just had a nightmare- a really bad one at that. Yet, when she braced herself to sit up in bed, the searing pain in her side shared a different story.

“Shit,” she muttered silently to herself, clutching her rib. She knew exactly what hurt and why. Before she could stretch out or check her bandages, she noticed the green, hunched-over form perched in her chair.

Double shit, she thought to herself.

The sound of the rustling alerted the form. Quickly, Elphaba looked up at her lover, secretly sighing with relief that she seemed to be okay.

“Galinda...?” she questioned, looking up at her injured lover.

The blonde glanced over half-heartedly, acknowledging that she was calling her name, but not parrying it with any response.

Elphaba frowned to herself.

Of course, she didn’t want to speak, the older girl thought. Not after what she’d done to the poor girl. Still, Elphie needed some reassurance that she was okay, in whatever form she could get.

Looking back towards where she’d tucked the younger girl into bed nearly an hour ago, she saw large brown eyes still focused on her.

Analyzing.

There wasn’t much denying the situation: they both knew what had happened behind closed doors. Still, the silence was too stiff for Elphaba to let it stand.

“Galinda…” She sighed. She needed to choose her next words carefully. She was torn between an apology and admitting she’d seen.

An apology was what Galinda needed- what she deserved. It was the bare minimum that Elphie could provide her lover after being so neglectful of her privacy. Yet maybe if she just came right out and told her that she was aware of the new scars lining Galinda’s ribs, then it would help remove some of the shame that came with hiding it.

Brown eyes stared directly into her soul.

Maybe she needed to check in with the blonde before deciding what to say next? At least then she could get a baseline of what her lover needed from her in the moment.

Hesitantly, she extended the olive branch.

“How are you feeling, my sweet?”

Elphaba spoke as if she were approaching a snake at attention, her words coated in honey to help them go down better. However, regardless of how silky and gentle the older girl’s words were, Galinda didn’t budge.

It was like she was lost in her own head without a good escape route. Elphaba quickly came to find that she wasn’t staring at her, rather, through her.

The realization wasn’t unhelpful.

Instead of trying to talk at her, Elphaba made the executive decision to cautiously approach the blonde. Typically, when she was spaced out like she was currently, it took more than words to bring her back.

Cautiously, the older girl rose to her feet, careful to slow her motions. The last thing she needed was to startle the blond and send her into another fit.

Distanced brown eyes didn’t even react as her lover neared her, reaching out for her.

“Galinda…” Elphaba cooed softly. She wasn’t sure what the younger girl was or wasn’t registering, yet she wanted to check verbally one more time before she attempted to touch her.

When the radio silence between them remained as dead and cold as before, the older girl gently extended her hand, intent on brushing it against her lover’s arm.

Galinda saw the movement. She registered who it was and what she was doing. Yet, as soon as green skin contacted her own, something inside of Galinda broke.

Immediately, her head turned, locking sights on the extended arm. Before she even knew it, her teeth sank deep into her lover’s forearm.

Instinctively, Elphaba yelled and yanked her arm away. The blonde’s jaws snapped closed around the now-thin air with a clack.

The startle seemed to bring the world back to Galinda, ears suddenly filling with the sound of her lover’s exasperated voice where there was once just pressure.

“You bit me! Like, actually bit me! Galinda Arduenna Upland, I cannot believe you!”

The older girl turned towards her, fully ready to lay into her more for the exchange. What she was met with deflated the anger from her chest.

Deep, scared eyes looked up at her. Her lover’s chin was tucked, her body cowering into itself. She looked small, like a child being scolded.

Elphie’s anger was quickly replaced with guilt, filling her core and brimming up through her chest.

“Oh Glin…” She cooed, gently reaching towards her lover’s trembling chin.

The younger girl instinctively flinched back, looking away from the green girl as her whole body shook.

“Hey, it’s okay… you’re safe…”

Gently, green hands contacted her flushed red cheeks, calmly redirecting her until she was looking her in the eyes.

Elphaba’s touch was cool against her skin, giving the blonde something to focus on, something to ground her.

Galinda whimpered softly, crooning into the touch.

“That’s it. Do you want to check your senses…?”

The blonde shook her head, swallowing softly. Quietly, she muttered something into the palm of Elphie’s hand.

“What was that, my sweet?”

Galinda let out a soft whine before turning her head to the side, speaking up just a bit.

“’m fine… wanna take some deep breaths together…”

“I see. We can do that, love. Do you want me to count?”

The blonde nodded softly, looking back towards her.

“Alright. Breathe in for me?”

Galinda obliged.

“Good. Good girl. Out on three, okay? 1, 2,3.”

The blonde exhaled slowly, knowing to take longer breathing out than she did in.

“That’s it. Another one for me?”

The younger girl again obeyed, pressing closer against her hands.

“Are you pressing into my hands because they’re cold, or do you want held?”

Galinda muttered softly, nudging herself into her lover’s arms.

“I see. I have you, Galinda… you’re safe my sweet…”

The blonde buried her face against the older girl’s neck, muttering quiet apologies as green arms pulled her closer. Green hands wrapped around her hips, pulling her closer into her arms despite the awkward angle.

“Do you want me on the bed with you?” Elphaba asked, knowing she could hold her much closer if she were at the same level as her.

The blonde just nodded into the crook of her lover’s neck, clinging and pulling the green girl down by the shoulders until her lover was halfway on top of her. Gently, Elphaba followed her, tugging and pulling, slotting herself comfortably amongst the blankets and pillows and skin until the younger girl was satisfied.

Sighing, Galinda laid her head atop her green chest, slender arms wrapped tightly around her waist, as if she was scared that the older girl would float away without her.

“There we go, my sweet… are you comfortable...?”

Galinda could feel the reverb of her voice through her chest, the feeling blossoming into a satisfied warmth through her core. A dopey grin spread across her face as she nodded.

“Good… I’m glad…”

Elphaba frowned to herself. Even now, with the dust settled between them, guilt tore at her conscience. All of this was her fault. The bite, Galinda passing out, the cuts she’d made. All of it was because of her actions- her needless actions. She’d put the blonde through hell, and for what? To invade her privacy? To learn something she already knew about the blonde?

Somehow, in the chaos of everything around her, Elphaba hadn’t yet processed that nothing she’d read was new information to her. She knew about the blonde’s mask- her habits of dolling herself up for the world and putting on a show- every secret she’d kept locked in that book, at least from what Elphaba had read, had already been revealed to her.

The weight of that understanding sat in her stomach like a boulder.

“Galinda...?” she ventured, cautious.

The blonde glanced up at her lazily, eyes blinking slowly. She looked at peace.

“Do you want to talk about what happened…? Or do you want to wait and discuss it later?”

Galinda paused for a minute. Her brows furrowed the same way they always did when she was thinking about something.

After several seconds of humid silence, the blonde answered, words slurring together slightly in the way they always did before she fell asleep.

“Mm, wait. Comfy now…”

Elphaba couldn’t help but smile. That sleepy tone would always get her, she knew.

“Alright. Comfy now.”

Galinda settled back in against her, curling deeper against her side. Instinctively, Elphaba’s hands wrapped around her waist, careful not to aggravate her wounds. The blonde grumbled out a soft, satisfied noise at the touch.

Quietly, Elphaba hummed- an act she knew the blonde in her arms would love. In doing so, she lowered her head, burying her face against the crown of blonde curls. She smelled warm and sweet, like fresh cotton candy, with a fresh undertone of linen. Elphaba hoped her nose never got used to the scent.

As she breathed in, she gently rubbed her thumb against the small of Galinda’s waist, moving in slow, repetitive circles. She watched as her lover drifted back to sleep under her touch, lulled away by the sound of her voice and the gentle vibrations against her cheek. The soft sound of the blonde's snores filled the room.

If Elphaba’s world could stay this way for even a minute more, she thought, everything would be okay.

Chapter Text

When Galinda woke, it wasn’t with a start or a cry. It was gentle, peaceful as ever, like a princess rising in the morning. Her eyes fluttered awake first, allowing her to register where she was and who she was with. From there, everything fell into place.

At first, she didn’t make any sort of move to get up. Rather, she just allowed herself the treat of silently basking in her lover’s warmth. She felt almost ethereal, like she was floating on a cloud in the heavens.

That is, before her bladder rudely reminded her of her human needs.

With a whine, the blonde slowly worked to untangle herself from her Elphie’s toned arms. As she pulled away, she could still see the mauve-colored mark her teeth left on delicate green flesh.

It only made her feel a little bad.

Numbly, she paddered towards the bathroom, still stretching out now sore muscles.

Galinda, now coherent enough to process through the mess Elphaba and she had mutually made, knew there were some things she needed to apologize for. Still, there were also some things for which she needed an apology, too.

They were at some sort of standstill. Somehow, all the etiquette lessons and social training Galinda had neglected to touch on this matter.

It wasn’t like she was used to receiving apologies.

Being in her mother’s house certainly drew the worst out of her, she knew. Just like she knew better than to spiral, or like she knew better than to yell at her lover for something so small.

Through it all- the encounter with her old poetry book, the ensuing tantrum she threw, whatever happened in the medium of passing out and waking up- the blonde couldn’t name what upset her so viscerally about her lover’s actions.

It wasn’t like there were any secrets her works from boarding school would reveal.

Though maybe that was it, Galinda thought to herself as she turned the faucet on and began lathering her hands in luxury soap, the scent of cinnamon and cashmere filling the air.

Maybe the issue she had didn’t stem from her privacy being violated. Certainly, it played a role, but perhaps only because it was what Galinda could conceptualize her objection to be at the time.

Though deeper under the surface, the blonde could feel that there was more to this than just that. She’d had her privacy violated or trivialized time and time again- she was in boarding school for crying aloud!

After drying her hands on a plush cotton towel, the younger girl made her way back to her lover, still contemplating the genesis of her emotional reaction.

As she opened the door to her room, she found her lover awake as well, hastily making the bed.

She could see the stress written across the green girl’s face.

Still, like a shark, Galinda saw the blood in the water.

“Not trying to hide more of my old stuff, are you?”

It was all venom. Even Galinda was surprised by the vitriol in her tone.

Elphaba paused, stiffening like a child scolded.

She felt like a child scolded. Not that it wasn’t deserved.

“Galinda…” She sighed, “Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

The blonde looked at her, brows furrowed. She’d, in the time since seeing her lover again, managed to build up an arsenal against her.

Though she didn’t want to fight anymore.

Galinda, ever the obstinate, strong-willed girl, never thought that something as simple as an apology would tame her rage so easily.

Further, looking back to her lover, she felt something sink deep within her.

Elphaba stood there, half-way hunched into herself. Her face was tight, defined lines forming around where her brows knit, and a frown formed. Galinda could tell just by looking at her that she was clenching her jaw.

Guilt filled the younger girl, melting away any remaining anger.

“Oh, Elphie…” she sighed, “I…”

How was she this competent socially, yet so unable to accept an apology?

It wasn’t that she didn’t forgive her, or that her apology wasn’t accepted… the issue Galinda was having was putting the concept of what she wanted to say into words.

Quickly, she realized that a part of her problem was simply a lack of practice. She wasn’t apologized to often. The other half of the issue was the inverse. The person she’d said sorry to the most often would not respond.

Seeing the green girl’s distress grow, Galinda knew that, practiced or not, she needed to respond.

“Elphie… It’s okay-“ she started, quickly being cut off.

“It’s not. And don’t you dare say that just to make me feel better.”

Galinda paused. Elphaba was right- It wasn’t okay. But still, the way she responded rekindled the fire she’d just extinguished.

Taking a deep breath, Galinda decided to try again, her voice ever so slightly sharper.

“You’re right. It’s not. But your apology is accepted.”

The tone change was apparently evident.

“Look, Glin, it’s okay if it’s not. I know I really upset you,” the older girl reassured, gently taking a small step towards the blonde. “I want to talk to you about it. This isn’t something you can just bury deep down… It’s not healthy for us, or for you.”

“You’re clearly stressed out… we don’t need to-“Galinda started, once again being cut short.

“We do need to! I’d feel less stressed if we could get to the bottom of this! I hurt you, Galinda. That doesn’t go away with two little words.”

Galinda felt her blood boil again and then immediately cool. The back and forth between them was exhausting, just for the sheer rollercoaster she felt. She opened her mouth to fire back, surprised when nothing came out.

Taking her silence for opportunity, Elphaba continued.

“I know you don’t appreciate being psychoanalyzed. And more than that, you hate it when I touch your stuff, and I definitely did both of those things, despite knowing that about you. That isn’t okay, and I know that. I knew that when I looked through your old notebooks.”

“Elphie I-“ Galinda started, only to be quickly interrupted.

“No, let me finish, please… I know I’m talking over you, but I need you to hear this.”

Galinda shut her mouth again.

“Thank you… It’s okay for you to be upset, and to need time to be upset. And it’s okay if you need to talk about it too. But you need to feel your emotions, my sweet. I don’t mean to lecture you, but I want you to know I’m not your mother. You can come to me. We can talk about this, but you don’t need to take an apology you’re not ready to accept.”

The blonde frowned, introspective. Elphaba was right; they did need to talk about this. Especially because she was still grasping for straws on what about the incident upset her.

Deep down, she knew Elphaba would help her figure it out. Even if it would hurt her to do so.

Galinda didn’t need to get revenge through fang and claw. She didn’t need to hiss hatred at her lover. Maybe the best revenge was making the older girl sit, and analyze, and dissect exactly how her actions hurt.

Maybe the blonde was fucked in the head, too.

Regardless, she had plotted her course of action. They did need to talk about it. And maybe, just maybe, something good could come out of this.

It spoke wonders to Galinda that she even felt safe enough to agree to this.

“Alright… I think, then… I think we should talk more about this.”

Chapter Text

It stunned Elphaba that her lover was so willing to talk to her after everything; yet left her with swelling pride at her girlfriend’s supposed growth. The fact that Galinda- walled off, masked Galinda- was able to not only communicate that she was hurt but to trust through that hurt was not lost on the older girl.

Moving slowly, she turned back away from the blonde, perching herself on the edge of the plush bed, and crossing her legs, green hands folded politely in her lap.

“So, do you want to talk about it here and now, or would you like some time to gather your thoughts?”

Galinda felt the door she’d begun to hold open getting heavier. Her girlfriend’s poise- her posture- all of it was professional, clinical. Too clinical.

‘Lureline.’ She thought to herself, ‘Is this what I look like while pretending?’

The mental image made her frown. She knew it wasn’t true. People actually liked her, even while masking.

Turning her focus back to her postured lover caused her to grimace again. She looked like a shrink.

“Don’t. Play therapist. Please… just… just be yourself, Elphie.” She started, containing her grimace. “But we need to talk about this now.”

Elphaba relaxed her spine, slipping into a much more familiar slouch.

Usually, Galinda detested that slouch, harping on and on about how she’ll end up a hunchback. Now, it brought her comfort.

Her Elphie was still the same, after all.

“Alright. Do we want to stay here or go for a walk while we chat?” The now-slouching girl offered.

“I want to walk.”

“Even if I make you have a snack first?” The older girl questioned.

“wha- Hey! I do not need a sna-“

She was cut off rather abruptly.

“Don’t protest. You passed out. I haven’t seen you eat since the train ride here.” The older girl paused, just for a second.

“Your mother doesn’t need to know…”

The blonde looked away, scowling. Beneath furrowed brows, the cogs in her brain churned.

She did want to get some fresh air, especially with all that had happened in the last few hours. Besides, her legs were still stiff from the carriage, so it would do her some good to get moving.

Yet, she knew her mother would chastise her for any snacking, especially since dinner was somewhat near. Elphie didn’t need to see that. Secretly, Galinda didn’t fully trust her to keep her cool if she did.

Weighing the issue, she reached a working solution in her head.

“What if I snack while we walk and talk?”

“I can agree to that. What would you like? I’ll grab it for you-“

“No need. My mother’s orchard is about a half mile north of here. We’ll walk out to it and sit and talk. How’s that sound?”

Elphaba nodded.

“I like that. Let’s do it.”

Galinda felt herself smile, but only for a moment. Quickly, her satisfaction with her plan was outweighed by her realization that she would need to change back into day clothes.

It was unlikely she could find an excuse to kick Elphaba out for that.

Still, trying her hand, Galinda proceeded towards her wardrobe.

“I still have to get dressed, you know…”

The older girl again perched herself on the bed, almost as if she were awaiting a show.

“I know.”

Galinda felt the heat of the microscope on her again.

“Well, um, give a girl some privacy, would you?”

Elphaba watched her squirm. A part of her took delight in it, circumstance forgotten.

“My Sweet, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before. Or thought of. Or kissed-“

“Elphaba Thropp!”

The older girl cackled, head tilted back. She made an easy target of herself.

Galinda capitalized on that, quickly throwing a balled-up shirt from the back of the closet at her lover. She smirked in satisfaction when it nailed her square in the face.

Elphie, of course, recovered quickly. Taking the same ball of fabric and opening it, she straightened it out with both hands before coiling it into a long strand. Using the same playful intensity, she flicked her wrist, releasing the shirt to whip Galinda, already gloating in her prowess.

That is, until she heard a sharp hiss from the younger girl. Quickly, she came to realize that she’d struck the blonde right on the ribs.

Right on the bandaging.

“Shit,” she swore quietly, “are you alright?”

Galinda stiffened, panic shining through the mask.

“Just fine! Wasn’t expecting that!”

Elphaba sighed knowingly.

“You know, glin… you’re not so subtle all the time.”

The blonde blinked, cocking her head.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

It was the same sing-songy tone she used when asking questions in class. Questions she already knew the answers to.

“Galinda.”

The blonde didn’t respond.

“You know, I saw the gauze. You don’t need to hide anything.”

A sharp gasp came from the younger girl.

“You lifted my shirt?! Elphaba Thropp! You- You Pervert!”

Elphie sighed, unamused by her antics.

“Why, I cannot believe you would do such a thing! To a poor, helpless, unconscious girl nonetheless! For shame, Elphie! For! Shame!”

The blonde crossed her arms, huffing. The move was not unsimilar to a toddler not getting her way.

“Galinda… Are you actually upset about this, or are these antics supposed to distract me from the fact that you hurt yourself again?”

The only response she got was mumbling.

“Oh, doll…” Elphaba cooed, “What was that? I couldn’t hear you…”

Galinda looked down.

“It doesn’t bother me… I figured you knew as soon as I woke up…” she confessed, frowning.

“I see…” the green girl replied, rising to her feet and approaching her lover.

Gently, she took the blonde’s downtrodden face in her hands, cusping her cheeks like she held the world in her palms.

To Elphie, she was holding the world.

Galinda grumbled quietly, a soft sound from her chest. She crooned into the touch, enjoying the coolness against her flushed skin.

The older girl leaned in, speaking quietly and calmingly beside her lover’s ear.

“it’s… It’s not okay that you did that. But things happen sometimes. I’m not mad. Especially because it’s my fault- “

Galinda pulled back, meeting her lover’s gaze.

“Elphie- No it’s not-“

Before she could finish, Elphaba impulsively cut her off.

“I hurt you. You lashed out at yourself because I invaded your privacy and broke your trust.”

Galinda paused, thinking through her words before speaking again.

“Doesn’t mean you’re responsible for me losing control… What if I’d hit you instead? Would that be your fault?”

“Yes.”

The Blonde winced.

“No. Oz, no, Elphie. It wouldn’t be. Just like me, hurting myself was not your fault.”

Elphaba opened her mouth for combat, quickly shutting it when she realized the can of worms she’d open if she did.

In truth, she knew it wasn’t her fault, logically. It didn’t make it feel any better or soothe any guilt, though.

Yet Galinda’s omission had use, the analytical side of Elphie’s brain insisted. She didn’t know exactly how the blonde processed the abuse her mother had put her through, but her response told her either the younger girl knew she wasn’t at fault or gave her a chance to use the blonde’s logic against her.

Either way, it could be used for good.

The blonde stared as she digested what she’d just heard, watching the neurons activate behind her girlfriend’s green eyes. She hated it, knowing the older girl was queuing up her next move.

“Stop plotting over there.”

Elphaba looked up, meeting brown eyes.

“I was not-“

“You were,” Galinda insisted. “Don’t. I did this to myself, making it my fault and my fault only, and that is final, okay?”

Elphaba sighed.

“Okay. Can I please help change your bandaging before we leave...?”

Galinda scrunched her lips the same way she always did when she was only slightly displeased.

“You may. I suppose you need to see the aftermath anyway…”

With that, she quickly shucked the sweater, leaving her in just a bra and underwear.

And gauze, that too.

Carefully, pale, shaking hands found the end of the wrap, pulling the self-sticking material away from its lower layers. Slowly, the blonde unraveled the stained bandaging until all that was left was a gauze pad, clotted to her skin.

Elphaba winced. There was so much dried, coppery red on the gauze. Galinda had once told her that she often didn’t need bandages; that she never cut that deep because she was worried about how they would scar.

Yet, now, the scene before her looked like the aftermath of a horror movie. The older girl could only imagine how bad the wounds were underneath the gauze.

With a wince, the blonde worked to pull the thick sheet of cotton from her skin, breaking up a good amount of the work her body had already done to close the wounds in the process. The blood had dried to the pad, crusting it against delicate skin.

The older girl almost wanted to step in, but knew she couldn’t be any gentler than her lover was already being with herself. Unfortunately, this was one of those things that would just hurt.

Instead, she busied herself picking up the discarded wrap, raveling it back up in a way that hid the deep copper stainage present against the sterile white.

“Do you have anywhere specific you need to dispose of this?” She asked, holding up the roll for Galinda’s reference.

The blonde paused her prying for a second to look up.

“We’ll wrap it in toilet paper and toss it in the bathroom trash. Hang on a sec,” she offered in a tone that told Elphie this was not the first time she’d made that very move.

“Clever,” Elphaba deadpanned. While unexcited about her lover’s antics, the ingenuity of her actions was, admittedly, impressive.

Galinda nodded before wincing softly, gauze still half-stuck to her now bleeding side. With a huff, she grit her teeth and gripped tightly to the padding, taking a deep breath before ripping it off with a pained gasp.

“Here, take this one too.” She whimpered out, reaching out to hand the ruined gauze off to Elphaba. “Do be careful, it’s kinda bloody.”

Elphie frowned. Gently, she took it from her trembling lover’s hand, wrapping it into the ball of discarded dressings she was already holding. Her stomach flipped at how upset her lover seemed.

“I’m going to throw these out now. Is your first aid kit in here, or should I grab it on the way back?”

“’s in the bathroom, now… Cherry wood box… should be on the vanity.” The younger girl replied, voice warbled slightly.

Elphaba noticed that her wounds began to weep again.

“I’ll be right back, my sweet,” she comforted, making haste to discard the offending dressings and return with the box described to her.

Immediately, the blonde made grabbing motions towards the box with one hand, her other occupied with pressing against her bleeding side. Elphie immediately obliged, digging through the kit to find another gauze pad to press against the area.

After reaching the bottom of the box, the older girl finally produced one. She hastily removed it from its package and approached the younger girl.

“Arms up for me, please?” She requested as she gently moved the blonde’s bloody hand away, firmly pressing the fresh gauze into her side.

Galinda involuntarily whined at the contact, face scrunching in pain. Still, she obliged, raising her arms so that the older girl could tend to her wounds.

Elphaba frowned at how she trembled. No doubt, it likely stung like hell. Yet the pressure would help the wound to clot again, she knew.

“Shh, it’s okay… It’s going to be okay, my sweet,” She cooed gently. “Do you want me to retreat these, or just bandage them back up?”

As the initial sting started to subside, Galinda found herself comforted by her lover’s gentle touches. She nodded softly at first, before registering that her girlfriend had given her two options.

“Retreat, please…” She mumbled, feeling like clouds fogged her ability to communicate properly. It almost felt like she was sleepy, though she knew that couldn’t be the case. Not when she slept all day.

Elphie seemed to catch onto the notion that her sweet wasn’t in much of a talking mood. So she worked in somewhat-silence, breaking the quiet every once in a while to explain what she was doing or coo praise at the younger girl.

With painstaking caution, she washed the wounds out, opting for a sting-free wash she’d found inside the box instead of the blonde’s typical irritating alcohol. Following that, she applied the typical serum, gently blotting it onto the upset skin. Afterwards, she smeared the area with a thin layer of an antibacterial jelly, soothing the agitated cuts.

The gentle care felt good. Too good. Galinda tried her hardest not to shake or tear up, to her distress, in vain. As Elphaba worked, she felt her lover’s ribcage shudder as the girl suppressed hiccupping sobs.

“Easy, Glin…” She soothed, carefully pressing soft kisses just below the marks. “Everything is going to be okay now…”

“This is shameful,” the younger girl half-sobbed, breath stuttering painfully.

“Maybe,” Elphie replied, holding her waist soothingly, “But you can let it out. You don’t have to be brave for me.”

Almost instantly, the dam broke, wretched sobs wracking through her thin frame. The Blonde’s whole body rattled with the force of her emotion.

Slowly, Elphaba rose from her knees to her feet, wrapping her lover up in warm green arms. Her fingers found their way to blonde tresses, and ever so gently she stroked through the younger girl’s hair, making sure to lightly scratch her scalp the way she liked.

“I have you… You’re safe…” She cooed quietly into the blonde’s ear. “Everything’s okay now…”

Slowly, the blonde calmed. Gasping sobs turned to occasional whimpers, which progressed to quiet, controlled sniffles. All the while, Elphie talked her through it, gently supporting her frail body through the episode.

When she’d calmed enough, Galinda started to pull away, muttering something about needing a shirt. The older girl let her, noticing that her wounds had sealed up.

Turning away to grab something to wear, the blonde quietly hung her head.

“I’m sorry you had to see that, all of it. I can’t imagine it was fun to watch…”

She kept her back turned to her lover.

Elphaba approached again, wrapping her arms around her waist and pressing a kiss to her bare shoulder.

“It wasn’t. But I would do it over and over again to make sure you’re okay. Even if it kills me inside to see you so hurt…”

With her promise, she nuzzled her head into the crook of the blonde’s neck. Her sweet, cotton candy-like scent filled the older girl’s nose, though it was slightly tainted by the tang of copper.

“Elphie..?” The blonde muttered gently, careful of her volume so close to her love’s ear.

“Yes, my sweet..?”

The older girl looked up, green eyes meeting puffy brown.

“Do you still want to go on that walk…?”