One Mistep

The emperor has been suffering from unexplained bouts of weakness, fatigue, and occasional dizziness. The court physicians claim it is merely the effects of aging, but Jinshi is not convinced. The decline is too sudden, the symptoms too inconsistent. The emperor has always been in good health, and yet, within months, he has become a shadow of himself. If the emperor was twice maybe three times his age, it would be understandable, but the emperor himself was only slightly older than Jinshi himself.
Whispers begin to spread—perhaps it is divine punishment, perhaps it is a curse. Some suspect an illness, but no one can pinpoint a cause. Jinshi, ever wary of palace politics, knows better. There are too many eyes on the throne, too many factions waiting for a shift in power. If the emperor falls, the entire court will be thrown into chaos.
Not willing to trust the court physicians, he seeks out the one person he knows will approach the situation with logic and a disregard for rank—Maomao.

Chapter 1 Chapter Text

The smell of incense was thick in the air, cloying enough to mask the underlying scent of medicine. Jinshi barely resisted the urge to wave a hand before his face as he entered the emperor’s private quarters.

The chamber was dim, heavy silk curtains drawn to block out the afternoon sun. Only a few lanterns burned, casting flickering shadows against the painted screens. At the center of it all, the emperor lay reclined on a mound of cushions, his skin sallow beneath the sheen of sweat. He looked as though he had aged years in mere months.

Jinshi knelt before the raised dais, lowering his head. “Your Majesty.”

The emperor’s lips curled in what might have been amusement if not for his clear exhaustion. “Jinshi. You always bring such solemn expressions with you.”

Jinshi smiled, because that was what was expected of him. “If I did not, the court might think me lacking in devotion.”

The emperor gave a hoarse chuckle that turned into a cough. Jinshi stiffened, watching as an attending physician rushed forward with a bowl of medicinal tea. The emperor accepted it with a tired hand, taking a slow sip before setting it aside.

The court physicians had insisted it was natural. That the emperor’s body was simply weary with age. But Jinshi had known him long enough to recognize when something was wrong . He had seen the emperor at his strongest—sharp-eyed, commanding, filled with the quiet authority that held the empire together.

Now, that same man was struggling to keep a teacup steady.

Jinshi lowered his gaze, feigning polite deference as his mind worked. He would need to investigate further. But he could not rely on the physicians, nor could he openly question them without causing political strife.

No, if he wanted real answers, he would need to turn to someone who did not fear the palace’s power games.

Someone who had already solved more than a few of his problems.

⸻

The first thing Maomao noticed was how agitated was.

It wasn’t obvious, of course. He still wore his usual serene expression, still moved with the unshakable grace that made people forget how dangerous he could be. But Maomao had spent enough time around him to recognize the slight tension in his shoulders, the careful way he measured his words.

Something was bothering him.

And judging by the fact that he had sought her out, it was something the court physicians had either failed to diagnose or weren’t allowed to. Or he was coming to be a hassle, both are possible.

She set aside the bundle of dried herbs she had been sorting, dusting off her hands before crossing her arms. “Alright. What do you need?”

Jinshi gave a soft laugh, his golden eyes gleaming with amusement. “You always see through me, don’t you, Maomao?”

She narrowed her eyes. “It’s not hard when you come looking for me instead of using your usual messengers.”

He tilted his head, his smile deepening. “Then I won’t waste time.” He stepped closer, lowering his voice. “The emperor’s health is failing.”

Maomao arched a brow. “I thought that was just the court gossip. His majesty isn’t that old, correct?”

“Yes,” Jinshi said, his tone still light, but there was something sharp beneath it. “His age shouldn’t play into this illness and yet it has all the court physicians stumped.”

She watched him for a long moment, then sighed. “And you think I can figure out what’s wrong.”

“I think,” Jinshi said, watching her carefully, “that you’re the only one who can.”

That, more than anything, made Maomao pause.

Jinshi was many things—manipulative, charming, a pain in her side—but he was also careful. He would not ask her to step into this if he didn’t think it was necessary.

Which meant this was serious.

And possibly very dangerous.

She clicked her tongue. “Alright. I’ll need to see everything he’s been eating and drinking, any medicine he’s been given, and the full list of symptoms.”

Jinshi’s expression smoothed into something unreadable. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

Which meant he had already arranged for her to have access.

Maomao sighed again, rubbing her temples. “You really are a handful.”

Jinshi only smiled. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Jinshi’s face suddenly turned serious as he crossed his arms into the sleeves of his usual attire.

“The Emperor has been suffering a mysterious illness. As you know, the physicians say it’s due to old age, but he’s not much older than I am, so there’s no possible way that’s true.”

Jinshi stepped a bit closer to MaoMao, not for nefarious reasons. He merely didn’t want many stray ears hearing this.

“His symptoms were so sudden and suspicious. Random bouts of Dizziness, fatigue, and weakness don’t sound like merely old age. The dizziness, especially. I’ve never come to know an elderly person to ever get random bouts of dizziness.”

Maomao exhaled slowly, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose. Jinshi was looking at her expectantly, but she had long since learned to ignore that particular gaze of his.

“That does sound strange,” she admitted, tilting her head in thought. “But I assume you didn’t come all this way just to share your suspicions. You want me to investigate.”

She clicked her tongue, crossing her arms. “I’ll need to know exactly when the symptoms started, what he’s been eating, drinking, and any medicines he’s been taking. If it’s not age, then something external is affecting him.”

Her eyes narrowed slightly. “And if it’s not an illness, that means someone is causing it.”

She shifted her weight, already thinking through possible explanations. A slow-acting poison? An unusual dietary change? Some kind of rare condition even the court physicians hadn’t considered?

“Fine,” she sighed, rolling her shoulders. “I’ll look into it. But if this turns into a mess of palace politics, don’t expect me to clean it up.”

Jinshi gave Maomao a playful grin. “Sharp as always, MaoMao.”

Jinshi gently pat Maomao’s head and gave an equally as gentle smile. “I will provide the necessary tools needed to achieve your goal, and don’t worry about the political side of things. I’ll take care of everything. You just be careful not to get in any trouble. I will inform the Emperor of your involvement. He will help against any attempts at thwarting you. He knows you and knows you mean well. No need to hold back, young apothecary.”

Jinshi then turned and took approximately three steps before pausing and looking over his shoulder at Maomao. “Oh, but if your plans involve me dressing as another beautiful, tall lady that ends with me swimming in said beautiful attire, I will be revoking your access to the clinics and their resources.” Then he continued on his way.

Maomao swatted at Jinshi’s retreating figure, though she wasn’t close enough to actually hit him. “As if I’d waste a good disguise on you,” she huffed. “You’d enjoy it too much.”

Maomao exhaled, rolling her shoulders as she turned the problem over in her mind. If the Emperor himself would approve of her involvement, that meant this wasn’t just court paranoia—something was genuinely wrong. But it also meant more eyes would be on her, and that was never a good thing in a place as dangerous as the palace.

She clicked her tongue.

Troublesome.

Still, there was no sense in wasting time. If something was affecting the Emperor, she needed to start with the basics.

First, the food. She would need access to his meals, preferably before and after he ate them. If something was being slipped in, it could be traced back to a specific dish—or even a specific ingredient.

Second, the medicine. The court physicians were either incompetent, bribed, or too afraid to speak the truth. She needed to see what they were prescribing and whether any of it could be worsening his condition instead of helping it.

Third, the servants. The emperor’s food and medicine passed through too many hands before reaching him. It would be foolish to suspect only the highest-ranking officials when any seemingly insignificant palace worker could be the key to this entire mess.

Maomao sighed, rubbing her temples. “Looks like I have work to do.”

She turned on her heel, already making her way toward the imperial kitchens. If Jinshi expected her to be careful, he was going to be disappointed. She wasn’t the type to tiptoe around problems. If something was poisoning the Emperor, she would find it.

And if someone was behind it?

Well. Maomao had never been fond of palace politics. But she was very good at making people regret underestimating her.

Chapter 2 Chapter Text

Jinshi sighed as he left, meeting Gaoshun a few steps away.

“Keep an eye on her. I have a feeling she won’t be very careful.” Jinshi said with a slow sigh, doing his best to keep calm. His heart was racing. If anything happens to his little apothecary, he might kill a man. Or ten. He barely held back after the assassination attempt during the ceremony left Maomao with a severely cut leg and a concussion.

Shaking his head free of those memories, he continued off to his office, a deep frown on his face.

“Master Jinshi, I will do as you wish, but I do have to implore you to also be careful. Your status is secret, therefore if something happens, you won’t be able to do much in the slightest. So please, take care of yourself as well.”

Jinshi gave Gaoshun a tired smile. With a wave of his hand, he dismissed Gaoshun without promising a thing, and off to do his paperwork he went, giving charming smiles to any girl who swooned as he passed.

Maomao didn’t need to turn around to know she was being followed.

She had noticed it the moment she left Jinshi’s presence—Gaoshun’s men, discreet but not quite enough to fool her. They were good at their jobs, but she had spent too much time navigating the palace’s labyrinthine dangers not to recognize a shadow when she had one.

That fool, she thought, clicking her tongue. As if I’d go around throwing myself into trouble.

…Well. Maybe she had a habit of ending up in troublesome situations, but that wasn’t the point!

Still, she wasn’t stupid enough to confront her watchers. If Jinshi had set them on her, it meant he was worried. And if he was worried, then things were even worse than she’d initially assumed. Or he was overreacting completely, both are valid options in this moment.

Her fingers twitched with the urge to start mixing ingredients right then and there, but there was no point without evidence. The first step was observation.

She made her way toward the imperial kitchens, keeping her expression neutral. If she asked too many questions right away, the wrong person might take notice. Instead, she moved to the storage area, pretending to inspect the latest shipment of ingredients.

The kitchen staff barely paid her any mind—she was just the apothecary girl who occasionally showed up to complain about dietary imbalances and demand changes to medicinal meals.

Perfect.

Casually, she ran her fingers over the sacks of rice, the bundles of dried herbs, the jars of fermented pastes. Nothing seemed amiss at first glance, but she wasn’t about to trust appearances.

A servant bustled past, carrying a tray of prepared dishes. Maomao’s sharp eyes flickered to the bowls, noting the balance of flavors, the use of medicinal ingredients.

Then she saw it—something small, something subtle.

Her fingers twitched again. Interesting.

Suppressing a smirk, she turned to leave. She had work to do.

The next few days went by with no word from Maomao. Jinshi was getting more and more worried by the second, but he didn’t dare bother her.

Instead, he went to visit the emperor.

His brother looked bitter and frail and it made Jinshi ache for a sword. Whoever dared lay a finger on his brother will certainly pay for their crimes.

While the Emperor may not know who he is, Jinshi doesn’t think that matters. He’s still protective of his older brother. He will still defend the man until his dying breath.

…well, Jinshi doesn’t *think* the man knows of their relations. It would explain why the Emperor favors him over any of the other eunuchs in the palace, but that could also be because of other factors.

Like how he gets his work done and does it right.

Gaoshun stood outside the Emperor’s chamber, hands clasped neatly before him as he waited. He had long since learned the art of patience, but even he could feel the tension rolling off Jinshi in waves. It was subtle, of course—Jinshi never let his emotions slip so easily. But Gaoshun had been by his side for too many years not to notice the stiffness in his shoulders, the way his fingers twitched slightly at his sleeves.

It wasn’t just the emperor’s condition that was troubling him.

When Jinshi finally stepped out, Gaoshun bowed his head in greeting before falling into step beside him. He waited until they were far enough from any prying ears before speaking.

“Master Jinshi,” he began, his tone carefully measured, “I regret to inform you that Maomao has not been seen since late last night.”

He kept his gaze forward, but he could feel the slight pause in Jinshi’s stride before he continued walking.

“I had men stationed to keep an eye on her as you requested, but she managed to slip past them. The last confirmed sighting was near the storage rooms adjacent to the imperial kitchens. Since then, there has been no sign of her.”

Gaoshun hesitated, then continued, knowing Jinshi would want the full report.

“Upon investigating her quarters, we found that she had not returned to sleep. Her workspace remains untouched. There was no sign of struggle, but it is unclear whether she left of her own accord or was taken.”

A short pause. Then, in a lower voice:

“I have already dispatched trusted men to begin searching for her. If she is within the inner or outer palace, we will find her.”

Jinshi’s voice momentarily hitched before he forced it back to a normal pace, forcing his harshly beating heart to lessen and gripped tightly at his wrists, his arms over his chest as usual.

He was trying so hard to appear nonchalant and charming as he usually is, but that’s hard to do when his toy kitten makes him so concerned.

That girl will certainly be the death of him. Between her nasty habit of finding and attracting trouble, her poison obsession, and the impulsive actions she takes, he’s going to end up banned from the palace trying to pardon her from all her usual tendencies.

As much as he ~~loves~~ enjoys her presence and finds a lot of her habits ~~adorable, precious, endearing~~ fun to elicit, he still has to keep her in check.

She really does give him a headache despite being ~~adorable~~ a genius. (His words, not everyone’s).

“Thank you. Come, then. As much as I trust your men, I still wish to help in the search. You said no leads as of yet, correct?”

Gaoshun glanced at Jinshi, taking in the slight tension in his frame, the way his fingers dug into his wrists despite his carefully crafted mask of nonchalance. He had long since learned not to comment on Jinshi’s… particular way of viewing Maomao, but he wasn’t blind to the depth of his concern.

“No leads yet,” Gaoshun confirmed, keeping his voice steady. “But there are a few possibilities to consider.”

He fell into step beside Jinshi as they walked, lowering his voice slightly. “Given her skill, it is possible she disappeared of her own accord. If she found something suspicious, she may have decided to investigate alone.”

A pause, then, “However, if someone realized she was looking into the Emperor’s illness, they may have taken steps to remove her before she uncovered too much.”

His expression remained composed, but his words carried weight.

“If that is the case, Master Jinshi, we must act quickly.”

Jinshi sighed and nodded his head. Great. Guess he’s gonna have to search, himself. With Gaushun too, of course, but still.

“Come, then. You said she was last seen near the storage rooms across from the imperial kitchens, correct? So let’s start there.”Jinshi said as he began to lead the way to said location.

“If she was last seen late last night, then there’s no way the enemy got very far. It’s only early morning now, so th- wait, when did you hear of this and why am I only hearing of it now?” Jinshi suddenly huffed, pouting and glaring at Gaoshun by his side.

Gaoshun accepted the glare with his usual unshaken composure, as if Jinshi wasn’t pouting at him like a petulant child.

“I was informed of her absence at the first light of dawn,” he replied evenly. “I spent the remaining time gathering as much information as possible before reporting to you. Given your meeting with the emperor, I judged it best not to interrupt until I had a clearer picture of the situation.”

He glanced at Jinshi, his voice laced with just a hint of knowing amusement. “Would you have preferred I barged in mid-conversation and announced that XiaoMao had gone missing?”

Gaoshun’s expression remained neutral, but he did not miss the way Jinshi’s jaw tightened.

“Rest assured, Master Jinshi,” he continued, ever the dutiful attendant. “We are moving as quickly as possible. If she is still within the palace, we will find her.”

Jinshi huffed like a petulant child, but did his best to fight it off.

As a result, his face went from pouty to angry. Or annoyed. Well, it wasn’t entirely clear what his emotions were to outsiders, but Jinshi knows Gaoshun can tell.

That man is the closest he’s ever had to a proper father. He wouldn’t doubt if Gaoshun could read him like an open book, and honestly he doesn’t mind. Makes things easier, sometimes.

..sometimes.

The teasing about him and Maomao can get annoying rather often, but it’s fine. Jinshi enjoys the closeness he feels with the man.

“It’s not fast enough. Any second we waste is another second she’s trapped somewhere, or being hurt, or worse. I can’t let her remain in the hands of some nefarious schemers. I will see to it myself that she be found. Even if I have to reveal myself and give up my freedom. Give up my ability to not be in the eyes of everyone. I may enjoy my ability to breathe freely without people breathing down my neck for decisions that affect the entire nation, but for her?”

For her, I would do anything.

Chapter 3 Chapter Text

Gaoshun listened in silence, letting Jinshi’s words settle. There was no need to acknowledge them—he understood well enough.

Instead, he inclined his head. “Then let us not waste time.”

With that, he followed Jinshi toward the storage rooms near the imperial kitchens, their footsteps echoing softly against the palace’s stone corridors. The area was quiet at this hour, servants already having finished the bulk of their morning preparations. That worked to their advantage—fewer prying eyes, fewer ears to overhear.

Gaoshun’s gaze swept the area the moment they arrived, sharp and methodical. There were no clear signs of struggle. The shelves remained orderly, the jars of preserved ingredients undisturbed. At first glance, it appeared as if Maomao had simply walked in and never left.

But then—

“Here.” Gaoshun crouched near the threshold, pointing at a faint, darkened stain on the floor. The color was muted against the stone, but there was no mistaking what it was.

Blood.

Not much—just a few small drops. Too little to suggest a serious injury, but enough to be concerning.

He touched the stain lightly with his fingertips, frowning. “It’s dried. Given the time she was last seen, I would estimate this has been here for several hours.”

His eyes drifted a few inches away, where something else caught his attention. Scattered near the bloodstains were a few small, brittle leaves—strange ones, their shape unfamiliar. Gaoshun picked one up, inspecting it closely.

“These do not belong here,” he murmured. “This variety is not from any of the plants cultivated in the palace gardens. At least not to my knowledge, I suspect she also figured that out.”

He straightened, brushing off his robes. “A struggle is unlikely, but she may have been taken—or followed something of her own accord. Either way, these are the only traces left behind.”

He turned to Jinshi, his expression unreadable. “It is not yet enough to draw conclusions, but it is certainly enough to raise suspicions.”

Jinshi was enraged the moment he saw the blood, his finger tapping on his arm as he stared at the evidence before them.

“I can draw a conclusion. Only one, though, that I have no doubts about. She knew she was being captured and went willingly. She’s using them as much as they are using her. She’s also hurt. Whether big injury or not, she’s hurt all the same.” Jinshi’s voice was clipped, even as he tried hard to hide just how enraged he felt over this development.

He knows Maomao. He knows she’s willingly staying caught. That she willingly followed whoever took her to get more information. He knows she’s more than likely either chewing out the suspects or fangirling over whatever poison they have, if any.

Or they’re feeding her the poison and she’s fangirling over the feel and taste and freaking the suspects out. Honestly that last option would probably have said suspects creeped out and let her go out of sheer self preservation. She truly can be terrifying when she eats poison willingly and nothing happens.

“Right, well, maybe we can find more spatters of blood around the building? There’s no way she didn’t leave a trail of some kind. She’s smarter than that.”

Gaoshun nodded, keeping his expression neutral despite the sharp edge in Jinshi’s voice. He had expected this reaction the moment they found the blood, but there was little point in offering words of reassurance—Jinshi would not be soothed until Maomao was found.

Instead, he turned his attention back to the ground, eyes scanning for any further traces. “If she intended to leave a trail, we should find more if we move carefully.”

And so they followed the faint signs—small droplets of blood at first, barely noticeable against the stone. But as they moved further north, the trail became more apparent. The spots grew more frequent, darkened slightly, a subtle but undeniable indication that the bleeding had not stopped.

Gaoshun frowned. He had no doubt Maomao was intelligent enough to manage her own injuries, but even a minor wound could become dangerous if left untreated. And if she had been forced to move frequently or exert herself—

He exhaled through his nose. “This amount… is not insignificant,” he murmured, more to himself than to Jinshi. “Even if the injury is not severe, continuous bleeding could weaken her over time.”

His gaze flickered up, studying the direction they were heading. The northern sector of the palace grounds was less frequented, home to older storage areas and the less-used servant quarters. If someone had taken Maomao there, it was likely they intended to keep her hidden.

Gaoshun’s expression darkened slightly. “We must quicken our pace. If she is losing this much blood, then time is not on our side.”

Jinshi didn’t waste a second at Gaoshun’s words. He quickened his steps, almost running as they followed the trail farther and deeper into the lesser used side of the palace.

It wasn’t until they came to a practically hidden building buried between two inconspicuous looking rooms where they could hear distant talking and MaoMao’s signature almost sarcastic sounding voice.

Her voice meant she was awake and coherent enough to speak and know what she was saying meaning Jinshi felt he could let out the smallest sigh of relief. Not a lot, but a small amount.

Walking farther into the room, he suddenly realized he didn’t have his weapon on him and he was still wearing robes that prohibited fighting. Not a good idea to walk into a dangerous situation with no items to protect oneself.

Whatever, he feels he can manage just fine.

Hopefully.

“Gaoshun. Stay close. I’ll need you to grab the apothecary and get out of here. I’ll deal with the culprits themselves.”

Gaoshun’s eyes flickered with disapproval at Jinshi’s reckless decision to enter without a weapon, but he held his tongue. Now was not the time for lectures. Instead, he adjusted his stance, poised for action.

“As you wish, Master Jinshi,” he murmured, his tone leaving no room for argument. “But be cautious. Even you are not invincible.”

With that, he shifted his focus to the voices ahead. Maomao was speaking—her usual dry, unimpressed tone carrying through the otherwise hushed space. It was a relief to hear her, but Gaoshun knew better than to assume she was unharmed.

If she had left a trail of blood, and if these individuals had truly captured her, then it was unlikely she had been sitting comfortably.

And he was right.

—

Maomao blinked sluggishly, her vision unfocused as she leaned against a wooden post, arms loosely bound in front of her. She had been given something—that much was obvious. Her body felt heavy, her thoughts clouded, and her tongue was slightly numb.

How troublesome.

She had known the moment she entered that she had walked into something she shouldn’t have, but that was the point, wasn’t it? And these people—whoever they were—were clearly more impatient than she expected, resorting to drugging her before she could even pry too much information from them.

Typical…

Still, they had underestimated her. The moment they forced the concoction down her throat, she had recognized the taste.

Leaves from the Pale Datura.

A common plant used in certain medicines—but when prepared incorrectly, or in high enough doses, it could cause disorientation, muscle weakness, and even paralysis. Fortunately, she had built up a minor tolerance from past exposure, but that didn’t mean she was unaffected. Especially when they prepared it so concentrated. Her head swam, her limbs were sluggish, and her usual sharp tongue felt slow in her mouth.

She exhaled, looking up at her captors with half-lidded eyes, her usual sarcastic edge slipping past the fog in her mind.

“You really should have done your research,” she muttered, her voice just slightly slurred. “Did you think a little Datura would be enough?”

The men exchanged uneasy glances, clearly unnerved by how unbothered she appeared.

Good. Let them worry.

Even as her body struggled against the lingering effects, her mind was already working. She just needed time.

Jinshi was glad the idiots had their backs to him. Made his job a bit easier. So he walked up just behind the guy in the middle. He seemed to be the strongest, so if he took out the biggest, strongest guy before the fight began, then that would make all of this so much easier.

With one quick, strong and well aimed punch, he hit the guy in the back of the head, the man falling to the floor and smacking his temple against the concrete floor.

The others all noticed Jinshi then and froze for a moment. They’d been caught red handed and Jinshi looked *pissed*.

“Well, what have we got here? Four grown men standing over a poor, helpless, tiny, woman. Tch, don’t you know it isn’t right to hit a woman.” Jinshi growled, unable to really hold up the elegant air that usually surrounded him. He was far too pissed.

“Gaoshun. Get the apothecary and send your men here. I’ll keep them distracted until your men arrive.”

With that, Jinshi began the fight, doing his best to get around the way his robe limited his movements. He almost appeared to be elegantly dancing as he fought the trio still standing.

He wasn’t perfect in this battle, but he was still able to keep up and would definitely be able to hold his own until Gaoshun’s men arrived.

Maybe not unharmed, but definitely alive. These sloppy idiots won’t be able to kill him. They’re just weak idiots.

Maomao barely registered the shift in the room at first. The haze in her mind was thick, her limbs heavy and uncooperative. But the sudden commotion—the unmistakable sound of fists meeting flesh, of bodies hitting the ground—cut through the fog just enough for her to force her eyes open.

Through her blurred vision, she caught a glimpse of Jinshi.

“Ma…ster…Jinshi…?”

Even in her current state, she could tell he wasn’t dressed for a fight. His movements, though graceful, were hindered by his robes. She wanted to call out—wanted to tell him to stop being reckless, to remind him he was supposed to be the elegant and untouchable eunuch, not some brawler.

But when she tried to lift her head, pain lanced through her skull, and her stomach twisted unpleasantly.

Something was wrong.

The Datura was stronger than she expected. She had assumed a diluted dose, but the way her vision swam, the way her body refused to obey her—this was more than just mild poisoning. The concentration must have been much higher. That, or she had been given multiple doses.

A small, bitter laugh threatened to escape her lips.

They actually got me.

But before she could fully process the thought, a shadow loomed over her.

Gaoshun.

She barely had time to meet his eyes before he crouched down, inspecting her condition with a sharp, assessing gaze. His mouth pressed into a thin line, and before she could muster even a weak protest, he scooped her up with ease.

Maomao let out a quiet hiss of pain as her battered body protested the movement, but she couldn’t summon the strength to do anything about it.

—

Gaoshun wasted no time.

The moment he confirmed Maomao was in no condition to move on her own, he lifted her into his arms, careful to support her weight without jostling her injuries too much. His expression remained unreadable, but internally, he was displeased.

She was lighter than she should be. That, paired with the amount of blood they had tracked, did not sit well with him. As a father and a man.

As he turned toward the exit, his men were already arriving, silent and efficient as they took in the scene. With a slight nod, Gaoshun issued a wordless command. The soldiers swiftly moved in to assist Jinshi and apprehend the remaining captors.

Gaoshun did not linger to watch the fight. His priority was clear.

“Hold on,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper as he carried Maomao out of the room. “We will treat you soon.”

Though he did not say it aloud, his grip tightened slightly.

She had better not make a habit of this… he worries for his masters sanity if she does.

Chapter 4 Chapter Text

The moment Maomao and Gaushun were out of sight, Jinshi felt he could fight more freely and not have to worry about too much except for his own safety and keeping the three thugs here, in this location.

By the end of the fight, Jinshi’s pride grew, but the thugs didn’t exactly hold back. Now he sported multiple small injuries. Most were bruises, but there were a few cuts on his pretty face from one of the thugs pulling out a knife, at some point.

It wasn’t a normal knife, Jinshi had given a deadpanned expression when the kitchen knife was first pulled out, but it was rather affective.

Jinshi’s clothes were a bit torn, in places, and he had small little nicks here and there all over him.

He wasn’t worried about the cuts. He was worried about walking through the palace with torn clothes and looking a bit disheveled. Not for any status reasons or pride reasons, just.. girls can’t always be trustworthy like Maomao or the concubines.. those servant girls.. he truly doesn’t trust their abilities to always hold back should he appear anymore unclothed than the small snippets he’s revealing now.

Gaoshun let out a quiet sigh the moment Jinshi stepped into his residence, closing the door behind him with a measured slowness that betrayed his irritation. He had expected injuries—Jinshi was not the type to walk away from a fight without throwing himself into it—but seeing him now, with his disheveled robes, fresh cuts, and bruises forming beneath the surface of his pale skin, Gaoshun’s expression darkened.

Lady Suiren had already taken over Maomao’s care, the young apothecary resting on a lounger as the older woman meticulously cleaned and treated her wounds. Maomao had yet to say much, her body still affected by the poison, but her eyes had cracked open at least once—enough to show she was semi-aware of what was happening.

Satisfied that she was in good hands, Gaoshun turned his attention to Jinshi.

“Master Jinshi,” he started, his voice composed but carrying that familiar undertone of exasperation. “While I commend your ability to keep three men occupied long enough for officers to arrive, you look as if you fought off wild dogs rather than simple thugs.”

He didn’t wait for a response before stepping forward, inspecting the damage himself. A cut across Jinshi’s cheek, another along his forearm, fabric torn at the shoulder, a few deeper scrapes along his knuckles where he had undoubtedly punched someone too hard. Jinshi’s robes, though expensive, had not been made for combat, and now they hung in tatters in certain places—nothing scandalous, but enough to confirm Gaoshun’s suspicions.

“You are fortunate you made it back before any wandering servants caught sight of you,” he added, rubbing his temple as if physically restraining himself from lecturing further. “Otherwise, I would be spending the rest of the evening keeping unwanted guests from swarming your residence.”

He gestured toward a nearby seat. “Sit. I’ll bring clean clothes, and at the very least, let me clean those cuts before they scar.”

Though Jinshi was known for his untouchable charm, Gaoshun was not above treating him like the young boy he had practically raised. And right now, that reckless young boy needed to stop acting as if bleeding through his robes was merely an inconvenience.

Jinshi, ever the perfect image of a grown ass man as he was, pouted and crossed his arms over his chest.

He ignored Gaoshun, much more focused on something else. Someone else.

He quickly walked away to go find them and when he did, Jinshi fell to his knees and put a hand on her head. He threw away any precaution or royal etiquette and brushed hair from that pretty face.

“Maomao.. what did they do to you, Maomao..?” Jinshi whispered, his gaze so very reminiscent of the day she saved him from assassination.

Maomao barely registered the warmth of the hand against her forehead at first. Her body felt sluggish, weighed down by the effects of the poison that had been forced upon her. It wasn’t unfamiliar—no, she had tasted worse, felt worse—but this time, her tolerance had failed her more than she expected.

The voice calling her name, however, was unmistakable. Deep, worried, and softer than she had ever heard it before.

Jinshi.

She wanted to scold him. To tell him to stop looking at her like that, to remind him she wasn’t some fragile thing to be coddled—but her body betrayed her before she could form the words. The moment his fingers brushed against her temple, tucking stray strands of hair from her face, she felt something in her loosen.

The tension she hadn’t realized she was holding drained from her limbs, her muscles yielding despite her usual stubbornness. His touch was warm, comforting, and before she could think better of it, she leaned into it ever so slightly.

It was foolish. Dangerous, even. But she was tired. Too tired to fight it.

Her lashes fluttered, and though she fought to keep her eyes open, they slipped shut for longer than she intended. Just a breath too long, just enough for him to notice the way she trusted his presence beside her, trusted his hand resting against her skin.

A soft exhale left her lips, barely above a whisper. Not quite words, not quite acknowledgment, but acceptance all the same.

Jinshi sighed in relief when there were signs of acknowledgment. That could only mean she was going to be alright.

Thankfully.

Jinshi ended up laying his head on the cushion closest to Maomao’s head, his hand remaining firmly in her hair as he too fell asleep.

His back will certainly be killing him later, but he can’t help himself. He’s tired and hasn’t rested properly the past few days, due to both work and reoccurring nightmares.

With Maomao safe by his side, his body finally let itself shut down and he relaxed against the edge of the bench.

Suiren watched with a disheartened expression. “Master Jinshi looks so tired.. poor boy has barely gotten any true rest. You haven’t been overworking the boy, have you now, Gaoshun?” Suiren said, giving the man a bit of an accusatory look.

“Never mind. That doesn’t matter. Help me move him so we can tend to those wounds before they scar over on his face.”

Gaoshun let out a tired sigh, rubbing his temple as he watched the young master finally succumb to exhaustion.

“I don’t overwork him,” Gaoshun muttered, though there was no real conviction behind it. “He does that all on his own, besides it would be most improper for me to do such.”

He took a step closer, observing the way Jinshi’s hand remained tangled in Maomao’s hair even in sleep. There was something achingly soft about the scene—something he rarely got to see in Jinshi, the boy who had been raised to bare the weight of secrets and duty since birth.

“Though, I won’t deny he’s been pushing himself harder than usual.” His voice dropped into something quieter, more thoughtful. “Even before Maomao went missing, he’s barely sat down, let alone slept. And with the Emperor’s condition worsening…” Gaoshun exhaled slowly. “It’s a wonder he didn’t collapse sooner.”

At Suiren’s pointed look, he shook his head and stepped forward. “Yes, yes. Let’s move him before his face becomes permanently marred. He’d never forgive us if we let that happen.”

Nor would any court lady.

With practiced ease, Gaoshun carefully worked to ease Jinshi into a better resting position, his grip firm but gentle.

Gaoshun’s lips twitched.

“For all his stubbornness, he really is just a tired young man, isn’t he?”

Suiren nodded with a melancholy look on her elder features. “Yes.. he truly is.”

With a small sigh, she then turned to gather what she needed before getting to work on carefully removing the tattered robes.

Jinshi didn’t even *twitch* as she carefully moved him around to do as she needed.

Once removed, she began the tedious task of cleaning and patching up every one of Jinshi’s cuts, scratches and the bruises as best she knew how.

By the time she finished, Jinshi was still fast asleep. She gave a small, very motherly smile, and undid Jinshi’s hair. She briefly brushed her fingers through the smooth hair and turned to gesture towards Gaoshun. “Get him into bed. Gently untangle his fingers from Xiaomao’s hair. She can sleep nearby, but he will be in pain should he remain there on the floor.”

Gaoshun sighed, nodding as he moved to crouch beside Jinshi.

“Sometimes I wonder if he even knows how to take care of himself,” he murmured, his voice touched with fond exasperation. Carefully, he reached for Jinshi’s hand, still tangled in Maomao’s hair. He worked with deliberate gentleness, not wanting to wake either of them too abruptly.

Jinshi’s fingers twitched slightly, as if unwilling to let go even in sleep. Gaoshun hesitated for the briefest of moments before finally managing to ease them apart. Maomao stirred faintly but did not wake, her face relaxing once more into exhausted rest.

Shaking his head, Gaoshun turned his attention to Jinshi. With practiced ease, he lifted the young master into his arms, mindful of the injuries Suiren had so painstakingly tended to. Jinshi was heavier than he looked—years of training had ensured that—but Gaoshun had done this before, far more times than he cared to count.

“Young master, you really should stop running yourself into the ground,” he muttered under his breath, carrying him toward the bed. He laid Jinshi down with care, adjusting his position so there would be no unnecessary strain on his injuries.

Stepping back, Gaoshun rolled his shoulders, letting out another quiet sigh. He glanced at Suiren.

“He’ll likely sleep for a while. And when he wakes up…” His lips quirked ever so slightly. “Well, I imagine he won’t be pleased to find himself properly rested.”

Suiren let out a soft, fond chuckle, watching their young master rest peacefully.

“Ah, I do hope he does manage to be properly rested. You know how those dreams still affect him. Have they worsened again, lately? I can tell he’s getting less sleep, but I was unsure if it was from work or if he simply lacks the ability to sleep, most nights.”

Suiren asked as she momentarily glanced at Maomao still resting on the cushion in the master’s bedroom.

She won’t suggest moving the young girl. Suiren trusts her to not interrupt the Master’s sleep, should she wake first, she also knows Jinshi will throw a fit if he doesn’t immediately know and see where Maomao is and if she’s okay.

Meaning the young apothecary will remain resting here.
Suited made a quick mental note to let lady Gyokyou know where Maomao was and most of what had transpired until now.

Gaoshun exhaled slowly, his expression clouded.

“They have worsened,” he admitted, glancing toward the sleeping Jinshi. “I don’t know the details—he refuses to speak of them. But it’s been years since I’ve seen him this restless. Whatever plagues him, it is growing heavier.”

He folded his arms, looking thoughtful. “Work is part of it, of course. But even when he has the chance, I doubt he finds much peace in sleep. Not when he wakes looking more exhausted than when he closed his eyes.”

Gaoshun turned his gaze to Maomao, noticing the way her face was growing pale, her brows twitching as if in discomfort. He frowned. “XiaoMao is struggling as well. We should—”

A faint gasp interrupted his words.

⸻

Maomao stirred, her breath uneven as heat crawled along her skin. She was burning up.

Her body felt sluggish, weighed down by something thick and unrelenting. Her fingers twitched against the cushion beneath her, and she became distantly aware of the dampness clinging to her skin. Sweat. Her body was trying to expel the poison, but it was taking its toll.

A dull ache throbbed through her limbs, but worse than that was the fog pressing into her mind, making it difficult to think clearly. She hated that feeling more than anything.

Her breath came in slow, shaky pulls. She didn’t want to wake up yet—her body needed the rest—but the fever was making it difficult to remain still. Her head turned slightly, seeking a cooler surface.

In the haze, she barely registered the presence of others. Someone was nearby. Familiar voices.

I’m safe, she thought dimly, though it didn’t ease the discomfort.

Her lips parted slightly, but no words came out. Instead, she let out a soft, barely-audible sound—half a sigh, half a quiet groan of frustration at her own weakness.

Chapter 5 Chapter Text

Suiren was immediately moving as soon as she noticed Maomao’s struggles.

She left for water and fabric, then returned to gently dab away the sweat to help remove whatever poison lingered in her.

“Do we know what it is she took? Is there an antidote that you know of? If not, call upon her adoptive father. He may be able to help.”

Suiren demanded before focusing her attention back on Maomao.

In doing so, she was unaware of the small tick in Jinshi’s brow. A sure sign something else was stirring.

Not poison like Maomao, but the nightmares that plague Jinshi’s every moment of attempted rest.

They didn’t escalate any farther yet. Or at least the signs of his struggles remained boiled down to mere twitches of the brow or fingers. Nothing too unusual or attention seeking.

Yet.

For now they can focused entirely on Maomao.

Gaoshun’s jaw tightened slightly, his expression unreadable.

“I would call for him in an instant if it were possible,” he admitted, voice low but firm. “But you know as well as I do—Luomen is banned from both the inner and outer palace. If he steps foot here, even for his daughter’s sake, there will be consequences neither he nor Maomao can afford.”

He exhaled slowly, watching as Suiren continued to tend to the girl. “That said, I won’t waste time. I’ll find a physician who can be trusted and bring them here. We need to act quickly before the fever worsens.”

Gaoshun cast one last glance toward Jinshi, noting the barely perceptible twitches in his brow, the faint tension in his fingers even as he slept.

It wasn’t just Maomao they had to worry about.

With that, he turned sharply on his heel and left the room, already forming a list of physicians in his mind. He had to choose carefully—someone skilled, discreet, and absolutely loyal.

Chapter 6 Chapter Text

Suiren clicked her tongue as she continued gently dabbing away the sweat beading Maomao’s forehead.

“Yes, right, well don’t waste time dilly dallying. Go along, Gaoshun. I’ll watch over the kids.”

She truly meant that, too.

She stayed right there while Gaoshun was out. She remained steadily wiping away sweat from Maomao’s head and continued sending little glances to Jinshi’s slowly worsening state.

That nightmare won’t keep its hold on him much longer. As much as she wanted to go and wake him, she knows that will only result in worse.

She’s walked in on Jinshi trembling, cowered in a corner and struggling to breathe too many times in his lifetime and she wishes to never be the cause of it again.

Gaoshun wasted no time. He moved swiftly through the palace, keeping his head low but his pace urgent. He knew exactly where to go, whom to seek. There were few physicians he trusted, and fewer still who had both the knowledge and discretion required for a situation like this.

After what felt like an eternity, but in reality was mere moments, he returned with an elderly physician trailing behind him, a man with sharp eyes and a quiet, calculating demeanor. Gaoshun ushered him inside with a low whisper of urgency, gesturing toward Maomao.

“See to her first. She’s been poisoned, something about it is still taking a toll on her body,” he instructed, stepping aside so the doctor could work.

His gaze flickered toward Jinshi just for a second, noting the deep furrow in his brow, the way his fingers twitched ever so slightly. Suiren had been right—something in his dreams was beginning to worsen.

But for now, Maomao needed attention first.

—

Maomao stirred, her body aching, a deep-seated pain making itself known in every inch of her limbs. She barely registered the cool fabric pressed to her forehead, the presence of others around her.

A soft, pained sound left her lips as she shifted ever so slightly, her muscles sluggish, her chest tight. Her throat felt dry, and there was a dull, throbbing sensation behind her eyes that made it difficult to focus.

Still, her instincts kicked in.

“Poison…” she rasped weakly, barely audible. Her fingers twitched against the fabric beneath her, trying and failing to grasp at something—perhaps for familiarity, perhaps for reassurance.

Her vision was blurry, but she caught the faint outline of Suiren’s form, the movements of another nearby. Someone had been tending to her. Someone had stayed.

She let her eyes flutter shut again, just for a moment, trying to gather enough strength to keep them open.

Suiren smiled as she noted Maomao’s gaze on her and gently pat the girl’s head.

“Hello, Xiaomao. Don’t you worry. You’ll be alright soon.” She then looked at the doctor and backed away to let the man care for Maomao.

“I do hope she surpasses this. The young Master would be so heartbroken to lose another of his favorite toys.”

The doctor hummed as he observed Maomao’s condition, his fingers lightly pressing against her wrist to check her pulse. His brows furrowed slightly. “Her body is still fighting it,” he murmured, shifting his gaze toward Gaoshun and Suiren.

“I cannot say with certainty what poison was used without more time for observation, but given her resistance, it is likely something potent yet slow-acting. Until we know more, keep her hydrated and cool. If she worsens, we will need to consider stronger intervention, but for now, simple care will suffice.”

He gestured to the damp cloth Suiren had been using. “Continue to wipe away the sweat. If she develops a fever, bring in fresh, cool water frequently. Do not force food on her just yet—only broth, if she can manage it.”

With that, the doctor straightened, glancing briefly toward Jinshi’s sleeping form. “And the young master? Do you require my care for him as well?” He asked, though there was a knowing lilt to his tone. He doubted anyone would dare disturb Jinshi’s rest unless absolutely necessary.

Suiren shook her head, standing and moving to Jinshi’s mildly distressed side.

“No, he is fine. Merely distressed about his previous toy. You may leave. Do come and check on her often. She’s the master’s favorite, after all~” Suiren said fondly looking at the young man curled in his bed.

His face was still rather scrunched in distress. Suiren lay a hand on his hand to try and relax the man only for Jinshi to flinch and pull away, his eyes snapping open to stare at Suiren with a brief flash of fear until he realized who it was and he relaxed into the cushions.

“Suiren.. is the apothecary okay..?” Jinshi asked, voice thick with sleep.

Suiren gave a grim expression and sighed. “She’s still suffering from the poison, but I believe, with her stubbornness, she will be fine. You, on the other hand, young master need to rest. Go back to sleep. I will wake you when she’s more alert and aware.”

Jinshi shook his head and pushed himself up into a sitting position, pressing a hand to his forehead and giving Suired a small smile. “I’m fine. I have work to do, anyways.”

Jinshi got up, swayed on his feet for a moment before continuing on to his office.

He desperately wants to stay by Maomao’s side, but he knows if he stays, he won’t work and there’s too much he needs to do to sit back and worry about someone.

Gaoshun sighed, watching Jinshi retreat to his office with barely concealed exhaustion in his every step. That boy was stubborn to the point of self-destruction. Still, Gaoshun knew better than to try and force him back to bed. Instead, he turned his attention back to Maomao, who was beginning to stir once more.

Her fingers twitched against the cushion, her face scrunching slightly as if trying to fight off the fog of poison still clinging to her mind. Gaoshun barely had a chance to react before she attempted to push herself upright, her arms trembling with the effort.

“I n-need to… to inform… Master… J-Jinshi…” she mumbled weakly, her body immediately betraying her as she slumped forward again, barely catching herself.

Gaoshun’s frown deepened. He placed a firm but gentle hand on her shoulder to keep her from trying again. “Whatever it is, it can wait. You are in no condition to be moving, let alone speaking with the young master,” he said, his voice kind but unwavering.

Even in her delirium, Maomao’s lips pressed into the smallest pout, as if dissatisfied with his answer. Gaoshun sighed, already expecting a fight. “If it’s urgent, you can tell me. I will pass it along.”

Suiren walked closer, moving from the edge of Jinshi’s bed to the foot of where Maomao lay.

“Xiaomao, please. Just rest. The young master has gone off to his office. He will return and you may speak with him then. For now, please just rest. If not for your sake, then for the young master’s mental state. You know he would be crushed should you pass.”

Maomao let out a soft, breathy chuckle, though it was weak and barely audible. “Crushed…? The young master is more resilient than that…” she murmured, though her voice lacked its usual sharpness.

Still, despite her words, she allowed herself to slump back against the cushions, her body too drained to keep up any further argument. Her fingers twitched slightly against the fabric, restless even in her exhaustion.

“…But… I did hear something,” she admitted after a moment, her voice barely above a whisper. “One of them mentioned… a name. I couldn’t catch it clearly, but… someone important. Someone who wanted me taken alive…”

Her eyelids fluttered as another wave of exhaustion threatened to pull her under. “If I could just… remember…” she mumbled, her breathing slowing as she drifted dangerously close to unconsciousness again.

If only she..could just remember.

Chapter 7 Chapter Text

Suiren sighed and made sure the young girl got back to sleep. She went back to dabbing away the sweat on Maomao’s forehead.

“You should check on the young master. There’s no telling how long master Jinshi is going to work. You and I both know he would rather be here doing as I am now. So maybe you can convince him to be here worrying over his Maomao rather than stressing and working himself farther into exhaustion alone in his office?”

Gaoshun exhaled slowly, nodding in quiet agreement. “You’re right. If left alone, he’ll work himself to the bone and refuse to rest until his body forces him to.”

He glanced at Maomao once more, noting the way she trembled slightly even in sleep. She was still fighting the poison’s effects, but at least she was stable for now. And Suiren would take good care of her.

“I’ll go fetch him,” Gaoshun said, turning to leave. “Though convincing him will be another battle entirely.”

With that, he stepped out of the room, making his way toward Jinshi’s office.

Jinshi was hunched over his paperwork, staring at the pages. Sweat beaded his forehead, his skin glistening with the liquid. It was hot in the room, yes, but he wasn’t sweating from that.

His face looked distressed. Not like a normal person’s. It was something specific to Jinshi. He looked perfectly fine, just overheated, but in reality he’s stressing. The tapping of his fingers on his desk confirmed that.

“Gaoshun, if you’re here to drag me back, I’m sorry. I can’t see her like that and know it-“ It’s my fault.

She’s in this predicament because of what he himself did. He asked her to look into something concerning and it got her harmed. Harmed so bad she might die.

..and it’s all his fault.

Gaoshun stepped forward, folding his arms behind his back as he observed Jinshi in silence for a moment. He knew that look—knew the weight behind it.

“You say you can’t see her like this,” Gaoshun said gently, “but do you think she wouldn’t want to see you?”

He took a step closer, voice calm but firm. “She was muttering about you even in her delirium, trying to push herself up just to report to you. She was thinking of you , even in her condition. And here you are, punishing yourself in silence instead of being by her side.”

Gaoshun exhaled, watching Jinshi’s fingers drum against the desk. “She’s stable, but she’s not well. If she wakes up again, do you want her to find you here, holed up in your office, or there, where she can actually see you?”

He let the words settle before adding, quieter now, “Blaming yourself won’t change what’s happened. But you can still be there for her. Isn’t that what you truly want?”

Jinshi pouted like a petulant child at that and glared at his paperwork.

He thought on it for a moment before he sighed, gathered his work and necessary items for work and stood. “Fine. Whatever. Let’s go back to my little apothecary.”

Walking past Gaoshun he looked every bit the royal he technically is. He strode past with his head held high and grin plastered back onto his face.

He strode down the pathways until he was back in his room and he stood in the doorway, looking at Maomao on his cushions. His heart ached at the sight.

Gaoshun followed silently behind, watching as Jinshi slipped his carefully practiced mask back on. It was impressive how quickly he could compose himself—how he could shift back into the charming, untouchable figure everyone expected him to be. But Gaoshun knew the truth.

When Jinshi stopped in the doorway, Gaoshun didn’t speak. He knew there was nothing he could say that would make this easier. So he simply stood behind his master, silent support if needed.

Maomao shifted slightly on the cushions, her breathing still shallow. Sweat dampened her hair, and a tremor ran through her frail form. Her lips parted, and in a voice so soft it was nearly lost to the air, she murmured, “M…Master… Jinshi…”

Her fingers twitched against the fabric, as if trying to grasp at something—perhaps reaching for him, even in her half-conscious state. “N…need to…” But whatever she intended to say was lost as her body refused to keep up with her mind.

She went limp again, slipping back into fevered sleep.

Jinshi felt his chest tighten at the sight. He stepped back a moment before continuing into the room.

He ended up kneeling on the floor. Social status be damned, this was his Maomao. His servant, his toy, his.. his..

Jinshi let his head rest on the edge of the cushion. With one long, shaky breath, Jinshi sat back up again and began working on the floor next to where Maomao slept.

Jinshi continuously glanced at Suiren who was dabbing at Maomao’s forehead.

His fingers twitched as he tried to work, but kept getting distracted by Maomao and it was slowly agitating him.

He wants to do what Suiren is doing. He wants to take over, he wants to be the one to care for her, he wants to be the one nursing her back to health, but he has to work and he has to hold himself back. He isn’t a servant. He isn’t of proper social status to be close to her, so why is he letting himself get attached like this..?

Gaoshun knelt beside Jinshi, his movements slow and deliberate. He could see the tension in his master’s shoulders, the barely restrained impulse to reach out and care for the girl himself. It wasn’t hard to guess what Jinshi was struggling with—Gaoshun had seen it before, in the way he looked at Maomao when he thought no one was watching.

“Young Master,” Gaoshun said softly, keeping his voice low so as not to disturb Maomao. “Work can wait a few hours.” He hesitated, then added, “You should stay here. With her.”

Gaoshun sighed quietly, then glanced toward Suiren, meeting her gaze with a knowing look. He tilted his head slightly toward the door, silently asking her to follow him out.

Suiren studied Jinshi for a moment longer before sighing. She placed the damp cloth down beside Maomao and stood, moving toward the door without a word. Gaoshun followed, and within seconds, the room was silent again, leaving only Jinshi and Maomao.

Barely a moment after the door clicked shut, a soft, pained whimper escaped Maomao’s lips. Her brows knitted together, her body shifting slightly, as if searching for something.

Jinshi didn’t move an inch. Not until his attendants were gone. Only then did he look up at Maomao.

He didn’t move farther than that until he heard the soft, pained sound and he was moving to her side in an instant.

“Maomao..” he whispered, grabbing the cloth and gently wiping away any sweat beaded on her brow.

He gently brushed pretty dark green locks from her face and watched her agonized expression with fear. His hand trembling as it brushed along her features.

He suddenly wishes he weren’t such a high ranking official.. he wishes he were just a servant boy, able to work alongside her and not worry about social status. He wishes he could be close like this and care for her openly without needing to worry about what people may think. Without risking her safety. He knows the moment he takes her in as his concubine, or as his lover or whatever he’s mildly allowed to have. He knows she will be targeted worse than she probably already is.

If only he could keep her safely in his pocket and free of harm forever..

Chapter 8 Chapter Text

Maomao’s vision blurred as she slowly opened her eyes, the pain in her body still lingering, but the familiar presence of Jinshi beside her made her focus. Her gaze flickered toward him, her heart racing despite her exhaustion.

“Jinshi…” she whispered, her voice barely audible, but the connection in the moment was clear.

With trembling hands, she reached up weakly, grabbing his wrist with a desperate strength that belied her state. Her body shook with every breath she took, and her words spilled out in disjointed, slurred phrases.

“Kitchen… poisoning Emperor… officials’… danger… need stop… quickly…”

Her eyes fluttered closed briefly as she tried to regain her breath, but the words continued to pour out, jumbled and urgent, as if her body fought against the poison still working its way through her system. She wasn’t sure how much sense she was making, but she couldn’t hold back now. The Emperor was in danger, and she had to make Jinshi understand—before it was too late.

Jinshi understood. Of course he did, how could he not? His breath hitched and he gently pulled his wrist from her fingers.

Subconsciously, he pressed a fleeting kiss to her fingers, then turned and opened his bedroom door to relay the information to Gaoshun.

He knows the man stayed close enough to watch over them. Gaoshun is too protective to not stay nearby.

“Gaoshun. It’s as we feared. Go to the Kitchens and see to it any poisons get thrown out. To take a doctor over to get rid of anything deadly or poisonous.” Then he turned back to the room and sat back down next to Maomao.

“Everything will be taken care of. Please, rest. You did good, Apothecary.. you did amazing, Xiaomao..” his voice was soft and only got softer the longer he spoke.

By the time he got to the nickname, his voice was distant and soft and tired. Gods, he’s tired.

Mentally, emotionally, physically.. he just wants to rest.

Maomao’s body trembled violently as the poison still fought against her. Her eyes fluttered shut again as the weight of everything, the words she had managed to say, the fear, and exhaustion, all piled up. Her grip on reality was slipping, but she forced herself to hold on—if only for Jinshi.

“ Jinshi… ”

Her voice was weak and barely a whisper as she tried to speak, but her words came out broken, every syllable a struggle. Her body felt so heavy. The strain was too much, too much to even bother with formalities like titles.

“ I-I told you… ”

She could feel the darkness creeping up on her again, but the thought of Jinshi being there kept her fighting. She clung to that, despite her body failing her. She was just happy he seemed to understand.

Gaoshun was already moving the moment Jinshi spoke, his expression darkening with the weight of the new information. He was fast, every movement sharp and precise as he went to take action.

“Understood, Master Jinshi. I’ll take care of it immediately. You stay here with her.” Gaoshun said firmly, before rushing out the door to carry out the order, knowing the urgency of the matter.

But even as he left, his thoughts lingered on the sight of his young master, looking so drained. Take care of her, and yourself, Jinshi.

In the distance, Gaoshun’s mind already raced, plotting how he would handle this dangerous situation, knowing there was no time to waste.

Jinshi smiled at the girl, tired yet fond. “Yeah,, you told me.. now rest, Xiaomao.. rest..”

He won’t let himself rest. Not until she’s safe. Not until he knows she’ll survive.

Briefly he wonders if he should take her to the pleasure district. To her adoptive father to see if he can help her. If he can fix it and heal her. Somehow, he feels the doctor in the clinics won’t be able to do much, not because they don’t have the resources, but because he doesn’t believe they have the knowledge to do so.

He could always write to the man, but he fears that will be interrupted or stolen. Unless it’s Gaoshun taking the note to said adoptive father, Jinshi doesn’t feel safe asking the old man.

He wishes he could just summon the eunuch to the palace and demand he care for his daughter before sending him off. Unfortunately he would have to reveal his true status to do that and he knows Gaoshun and Suiren will have his head for such a thing.

For now he wishes for Maomao to rest and maybe he will do the same.

Maomao stirred as the first rays of morning light filtered through the room. Her body ached, her head pounded, and her throat was unbearably dry, but the suffocating weight of the poison had lessened.

She blinked sluggishly, her vision still a bit blurry, but she could make out the familiar golden silhouette beside her. Jinshi. He was still there.

“ You look awful… ” she croaked, her voice hoarse from exhaustion and dehydration. Despite everything, she still had it in her to comment on his disheveled appearance.

She attempted to sit up but barely managed an inch before her strength gave out. Instead, she let out a slow breath, accepting that she was still far from recovered.

⸻

Gaoshun entered the room soon after, his usual composed expression softening at the sight of the two. He smiled as he observed them before stepping forward with a respectful bow.

“The matter has been handled,” he reported calmly. “Thanks to you, Maomao, we were able to apprehend those responsible. Five kitchen workers, two officials, and a middle-ranking concubine were involved in the poisoning. They have been taken into custody, and the Emperor is safe.”

His gaze shifted to Jinshi, silently assessing his condition. “You did well, Maomao,” he added, this time with a rare note of genuine appreciation. “Now, you must focus on recovering.”

Jinshi gave a deadpanned expression in response to Maomao’s remarks. “Speak for yourself, apothecary.”

Upon Gapshun’s entrance, Jinshi raised his head and looked the man in the eyes.

“Bring some water and a bowl of broth for Maomao. In order to recover, she needs the nutrients.” Jinshi didn’t reach for the water bowl and cloth again, now that Maomao was awake. He didn’t think it appropriate to do such a thing given their respective statuses.

He did put it within reach of Maomao, though and went back to what little paperwork he had left in the room with him.

It had taken him far longer than usual to get through the pages, between keeping Maomao taken care of and his slowly doubling vision from exhaustion, he had struggled to get through it all.

Although it was apparent he’d taken some kind of momentary break, considering Maomao was now lying in his bed and he was sat by her head with the lap desk in front of him. He sat traditionally, of course, still the picture of perfect despite the look in his eyes and the state of his hair from the earlier fight still being a bit of a frazzled mess.

After a moment of silence, once Gaoshun left to complete what was asked of him, Jinshi glanced to Maomao before focusing back on his work. Of course not before mumbling, “I’m glad you’re feeling a little better..” then went back to his last few pages.

With Maomao awake, he felt good enough to go grab more to bring back here.

Jinshi gave Maomao a charming smile and a soft chuckle. “Apothecary, there’s no need to worry about me. You have other things to worry about.”

Jinshi didn’t realize he’d done it, his hand just moved on its own. One minute it was holding the paper still while he wrote and the next it was gently buried in Maomao’s hair.

He didn’t pull away when he noticed, though. He hoped to soothe the young girl back to sleep. She needs the rest and if this is what it takes to put her to sleep, then he will gladly do so.

He ignored how it made his heart hammer in his chest. He ignored how it made his stomach do little flips. He ignored how, like every time Maomao was close to him, he felt he couldn’t breathe. Like he couldn’t do anything but focus on her, think of her, want to be near her. He craved her presence more than anything and it scared him.

What kind of prince falls for a common girl..? Someone he can’t even be with. Someone he will never be able to hold close to his heart, protect, and love with every fiber of his being. What kind of prince is he to want something so unattainable..?

Shaking his head free of such naive thoughts, he focused back on his work, fingers still methodically brushing through dark green strands.

Maomao let out a small, barely audible grumble, her sluggish mind faintly registering the gentle fingers threading through her hair. She should stop him. She should swat his hand away, grumble something about propriety, and remind him of his status compared to hers. But the warmth of his touch, the steady rhythm of his fingers moving through her tangled strands, made it impossible to muster the effort.

She gave one last half-hearted mumble—something about troublesome masters who don’t know their place —before the exhaustion won out. Her body slumped slightly, her forehead brushing against the fabric of Jinshi’s sleeve as she drifted off, lulled into sleep by his touch.

Jinshi let out a soft, fond chuckle at that and Jinshi heard Gaoshun’s footsteps before the man reappeared, so he gently removed his fingers from her hair and finished the last of his paperwork with a big yawn.

He lifted his gaze and gave a charming smile when the food and water were brought over.

Jinshi traded his paperwork for the food and water, setting it on the lap desk then began the careful process of waking Maomao so she could eat. He kept his voice soft and smooth as he woke the young girl.

“Xiaomao.. wake up..” he hadn’t meant to use the nickname, just as he hadn’t meant to use it the last few times, it just slipped out naturally.

A prince who fell for a common girl and can’t control his own words. He really is a disgrace. No wonder he’s better off here like this, hiding his true identity like some common criminal.

Looking at Gaoshun didn’t help his thoughts as the man looked half amused half disappointed. Jinshi just shrank in on himself a bit and continued to wake Maomao with the usual title he uses around her.

“Apothecary, wake up so that you may eat and drink. You need to regain your strength. You’re severely dehydrated.” Jinshi had already planned on helping her soup and holding her sat up so she can eat more easily and without risk of choking.

Maomao groaned softly, her body feeling impossibly heavy as she forced her eyes open. The exhaustion clung to her like a thick fog, weighing down her limbs and clouding her thoughts. She knew she should eat, knew she should drink, but moving felt like an impossible task.

Still, the sight of the water pushed just within reach stirred something in her sluggish mind. She was thirsty , unbearably so. With slow, unsteady movements, she reached out, her hands trembling as they wrapped around the cup. Even lifting it to her lips took effort, but she managed, taking small, careful sips. The cool liquid soothed her parched throat, though she could already tell it wouldn’t be enough to quench the deep thirst left behind by the poison.

She sighed, blinking drowsily at the cup as though debating whether she had the energy to drink more. Eventually, she took another sip before lowering it slightly, her grip still unsteady. “…Tired,” she mumbled, voice raspy but quieter than before.

Jinshi helped her sit up, then held her cradled in one arm while he moved on to help her drink the water. His chest ached at her words and he couldn’t hold himself back from letting his head gently rest against hers.

“I know.. I know you’re tired. Just a bit more, then some of the broth. Then I can let you rest, again.” He whispered, his breath fanning across her ear.

“You’re strong. So keep fighting the exhaustion. You’ll be able to sleep again, soon.” He then grabbed the bowl of broth and brought it to her lips. He helped her carefully sip some of it, then pulled it back to let her rest a moment before bringing it back to her lips once more.

“Just a bit more, then you can rest.” His voice was so soft, so gentle, but there was a minute kind of shakiness to it. An underlying hint of anxiety and worry that couldn’t be detected unless it was someone who knew him very, very well.

Maomao barely had the energy to lift her head, but she felt it—the unease in his voice, the way his breath wavered just slightly against her ear. She didn’t have to look to know that Jinshi was anxious.

An official—no, a high official —shouldn’t sound so distressed over a mere servant. And yet, he did. He always did when it came to her. Which she never understood, both why he cared nor why he hid his actual status…

Her fingers twitched weakly, wanting to do something—anything—to reassure him, but she didn’t have the strength. Instead, she let her head drop onto his shoulder, too tired to move away. “…Sorry,” she murmured, barely above a whisper. She had tried to stay awake. She really had. But the exhaustion was too much, dragging her back under despite her best efforts.

As sleep claimed her, her fingers curled slightly, unconsciously gripping the fabric of his robe between them. She didn’t even realize she was holding onto him—just that, for some reason, the warmth beside her made the cold fog of exhaustion seem a little less suffocating.

Jinshi didn’t know his chest could feel so tight. He didn’t realize his body could be so stiff, his shoulders so hunched as he curled around his Maomao.

“Maomao..” he whispered, cradling her oh so close to his chest.

He wanted so badly to go after the men who’d done this to her. He wanted so badly to do so much more than he’d already done to them. He truly hadn’t known there was a poison out there that could actually affect her. Even if he’s extra protective of her and what she touches. What she eats.

He hates the idea of letting her experiment with poisons. He hates the idea of making her sad, even more hence why he agrees to get her the exotic ingredients she requests or that he finds and knows she will like.

It may be seen as courting, but he knows she won’t realize that. She will just write off that thought into the back of her mind as an impossible idea. She will never realize he’s unofficially courting her because he can’t truly court her.

As she slept in his arms, he let out a soft sigh and brushed his lips against her forehead. “Rest well, Xiaomao.. I wish I could hold you like this forever..”

Another soft, shaky breath, another moment of tightening his arms and holding her closer, “I love you..”

He’s so glad she’s asleep, right now.

Gaoshun stood just outside the door, his hand still on the handle. His eyes widened slightly as he heard the words escape Jinshi’s lips. For a moment, his breath caught in his throat, and he almost froze in place, his heart giving an odd little beat of hope for the young master and Maomao.

I love you…

It was a dangerous admission, one that Gaoshun knew all too well. His gaze softened as he observed the tender scene through the slightly cracked door. Jinshi, the stoic young master, was showing a vulnerability that Gaoshun had rarely seen, especially when it came to showing it to others. He had long suspected there was more between them than a mere servant-master relationship, but hearing it—seeing it—brought a sharp pang of understanding.

But, as much as Gaoshun wanted to cheer them on, to wish for Maomao to be the one to make Jinshi’s heart a little lighter, he knew better. His loyalty was to the young master, and the truth remained: this path could end in disaster.

A prince falling for a common servant… It could ruin them both.

Gaoshun took a slow breath, his fingers tightening around the door handle. He would never interfere, not overtly. But he had to protect them both, in his own way.

With a final glance at the intimate scene, Gaoshun stepped back, quietly closing the door behind him.

Or maybe he can give them privacy if only for a while longer. He hadn’t missed the small smile on Maomao’s face after the young master confessed after all.

Chapter 9 Notes:

🚨🚨🚨THIS IS YOUR SPOILER WARNING 🚨🚨🚨
From here on out we are using details taken from the newest episodes of the anime, if you do not wish to be spoiled for key scenes I recommend watching the anime then coming back to read this.

Chapter Text

Jinshi noticed that little quirk of the lips, but not for what it truly was. Jinshi let out a soft huffed laugh and shook his head, brushing hair from her face.

“You really are a fanatic for poison. Smiling in your sleep after the effects of it start washing away. I’m sure you’re enjoying every second of this.” He whispered, brushing his thumb over her cheek and pressing their foreheads together.

“I wish you wouldn’t willingly do this to yourself, though. As much as I love seeing you smile with excitement, I can’t watch you destroy yourself.” Of course that doesn’t mean he’s going to stop getting her rare and exotic ingredients since she enjoys them so much and her smile makes him smile behind closed doors.

Still.. he wishes she wouldn’t test poisons on herself.

Maomao, still drowsy from the remnants of the poison, simply shifted closer to Jinshi, her body seeking warmth without saying a word. Her eyes fluttered closed again, and she nestled into the crook of his arm, her fingers curling instinctively into the fabric of his robe as if to hold onto the moment.

There was no need for words. Her actions spoke volumes. She was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and right now, the only thing that mattered was the sense of security that Jinshi unknowingly provided. With her head resting against his chest, her breathing softened into a gentle rhythm, and she surrendered to the calm he offered.

In that silence, she seemed peaceful, allowing herself to rest, but even in her sleep, her proximity to him suggested more than just a passing comfort. It was a quiet form of trust, something deeper than the tension that had lingered before.

Jinshi nearly startled when Maomao pressed closer of her own accord. That just..

“Heh.. you were awake the whole time.” He whispered, his face now aflame. He didn’t push her away, nor did he let go. He kept her close, but leaned back against the wall of his bed.

He didn’t notice his own eyes slipping closed until he woke up hours later feeling far more refreshed than he’d felt in weeks.

Guess Maomao has a sort of magic in her presence.. he doesn’t think he’s ever slept so well in his lifetime..

Maomao sat at her small workstation, grinding ingredients with steady hands despite the lingering fatigue in her limbs. The moment she had woken up and realized where she was—who she was curled against—she had promptly extracted herself and left without a word.

She didn’t have time to dwell on it. The Emperor’s antidote was her priority.

The mortar and pestle moved in practiced motions as she crushed dried herbs into a fine powder, her mind already calculating the precise measurements needed to counteract the poison. Though her body still ached, she had no intention of resting any longer than necessary.

The palace was dangerous enough without Jinshi acting like that . She could still feel the warmth of his arms, the way he had whispered to her as if she were something fragile— precious.

She scowled at the thought, shaking it off.

There was no point thinking about it. It wasn’t as if it meant anything. He was just… overly attached, as usual. She was far below his station, even if he was but a simple eunuch.

With a huff, she refocused, sifting through the vials on her desk. She had work to do.

Jinshi sighed when he noticed Maomao was no longer in his arms, no longer in his presence, but he figured this is for the best.

So with that thought in mind, he got up and went back to work. Might as well drown himself in work so he won’t have to think about what that meant.

Then again, it really can’t mean anything. Maomao is a servant and he’s a prince pretending to be a high ranking eunuch. Truly, he wishes he could reveal just enough to promote her, somehow, or find a way to change her status so they can at least be-

Shaking his head he quickly discarded those thoughts. Honestly what is he thinking? Maomao isn’t even interested, why does it matter what he changes about her? About her status? About her life? She isn’t his to court, she isn’t his to love, to adore.

With an aching heart, he focused back on his work, doubling his efforts and using it as a distraction so he won’t think any farther on the matter.

Maomao burst into the room, her expression set with urgency as she held a small porcelain bottle tightly in her grasp.

“Master Jinshi,” she called, breathless from hurrying over. “The antidote is ready. We need to go to the Emperor now .”

There was no preamble, no hesitation. Whatever moment of peace—or awkwardness—had existed between them before was completely cast aside in the face of duty.

Her sleeves were still slightly damp from washing up, and there were faint smudges of powdered ingredients on her fingertips, clear signs that she hadn’t wasted a second since waking. Despite the exhaustion still clinging to her limbs, her sharp eyes were focused and determined.

“The longer we wait, the worse it could get,” she added, barely giving him time to respond before she turned on her heel, fully expecting him to follow.

Jinshi didn’t waste a second, either, immediately getting up and hurrying out of his office. He didn’t run, he merely walked quickly towards the emperor’s chambers.

Upon reaching the doors, he took the vial from Maomao and gave her a tight smile.

“I will take this the rest of the way. As per procedure. I will update you when I can. For now, you didn’t make this, you were just the one delivering it.” Then he was gone.

He gave the antidote to the emperor and decided he would wait here to make sure his brother survives.

Maomao bowed deeply, her expression unreadable as she accepted Jinshi’s words without protest. She knew the procedures, knew the risks, but it still left a bitter taste in her mouth to let someone else take the credit for her work. Still, she turned on her heel and left without a word, disappearing down the halls as if she had never been there.

—

The Emperor lifted his gaze as Jinshi entered, his usually sharp eyes dulled with exhaustion. Even the simple act of tilting his head toward his brother seemed to take effort.

“Well hello there…” he greeted, his voice rasping and weak. A small, wry smile tugged at the corners of his lips, but before he could say anything more, a violent cough overtook him. His body trembled as he struggled to catch his breath, his hand shaking as he brought it to his mouth.

The fit continued longer than it should have, his chest rising and falling in sharp, shallow movements. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he managed to exhale and sink back into the pillows, exhaustion evident in every fiber of his being.

“…I assume you’ve brought something for me,” he murmured, voice barely above a whisper. “Though, I am shocked you are alone.”

Jinshi gave a small bow of his head before continuing up to Emperor’s side where he sat and totally disregarded all tradition. Just to help his brother take the antidote.

“It’s most improper for a servant to enter the Emperor’s quarters without permission from the Emperor himself. So, I apologize, but if you do wish for her to be here, that can certainly be arranged.” Jinshi was being sincere and as much as he wanted her to come in with her, he knows that would be frowned upon and someone would suspect something was up.

It would be suspicious. Maybe not to the guards who know who he is, or the men who know Maomao and what she does for the people of the inner and outer palace, but to other servant girls? Or even to the guards and eunuchs who don’t know of her talents and role? It could be seen as an indecent act and the Emperor’s good name would be slandered.

The Emperor let out a weak chuckle, though it quickly turned into another short cough. He waved a hand dismissively, his lips curling into a knowing smirk as he regarded Jinshi with tired but amused eyes.

“There’s no need for such formalities between us, little brother,” he murmured, voice hoarse but teasing. “You’ve always been too proper for your own good.”

He shifted slightly, allowing Jinshi to help him take the antidote, his gaze never leaving his brother’s face. “And I doubt anyone would dare question your presence here… or hers, for that matter.” Another chuckle, this time softer, more knowing. “But I won’t keep you long. I know where your mind truly is.”

He exhaled, closing his eyes briefly as the antidote settled in his system. “Go on, then. Return to your sweet little servant girl.” His tone was light, but there was something undeniably fond in it. “Though, if you’re going to pretend not to be attached, you should try to be less obvious about it. Otherwise I may just take her as a concubine myself if only to keep others hands off her.” He snickered softly.

Jinshi rolled his eyes with a bit of an annoyed tick in his eyes. “Please, she isn’t my little servant girl. She is her own person and she may choose for herself what it is she desires. Besides, she won’t let anyone touch her. She’s strong and defiant in a way that is uniquely hers. She won’t let herself be taken by anyone that isn’t someone she chooses.”

Unless the head of the Vertigree has a different plan and sells her off.

Although he’s already bought Maomao, so she’s technically his. Essentially.

“I technically already own her, if we’re speaking in technicality. She was one of the girls at the Vertigree and I rehired her here by buying her out. So in all but body and mind, she is already mine.” She’s, in truth, his personal servant, of sorts. She has to do all he says, but that does still make her merely a servant girl. Not at all the same social status than he.

So unless she were to get officially adopted by-

Jinshi’s eyes widen minutely before he shakes his head. That’s so dumb, she would never. Especially not to be with Jinshi of all people. He knows the girl finds him annoying, flirtatious and over the top. So why would she let the man who is technically her father adopt her back into his family only to be with Jinshi? That’s so selfish. He could never ask her of such a thing.

Never.

“There’s no need to make her your concubine. She’s fine as she is. If she chooses another, then I shall permit it. She isn’t my property.”

The Emperor hummed thoughtfully, his lips curving into a sly smile as he regarded his brother with half-lidded eyes. “Ah, but just a moment ago, you claimed she was already yours in all but body and mind,” he mused, amusement dancing in his tone. “A rather contradictory stance, don’t you think?”

He leaned back slightly, watching as Jinshi tried to mask his emotions. It was painfully obvious—to him, at least—that his little brother was completely ensnared. And yet, Jinshi refused to admit it, even to himself.

“She isn’t your property, you say,” the Emperor continued, lazily swirling the teacup that had been placed at his bedside earlier. “And yet, you fret over her, move heaven and earth to keep her safe, and glare daggers at any man who so much as breathes in her direction.” He let out a short chuckle, shaking his head. “Tell me, dear brother, what would you do if I ordered her to be your concubine?”

He let the question hang in the air, watching with veiled amusement for Jinshi’s reaction. “Would you refuse me? Deny a direct imperial decree?” He smirked, eyes glinting with mischief. “Or would you finally admit to yourself what everyone else can already see?”

“That you undeniable love that apothecary.”

Chapter 10 Chapter Text

Jinshi took in a slow, rather shaken breath. He shook his head next and looked away. “You would have to speak with her on the matter, first.”

Jinshi looked back to his brother with a wry smile. “I’m not about to take advantage of her like that. Besides, if that was how it was to be, then wouldn’t that be a demand rather than a declaration of love? Of true adoration and devotion? Being ordered by the Emperor to be a concubine would just mean she’s forced into summation rather than willingly being by my side. I’m trying to avoid her hating me, thanks.”

He knows he’s being curt and sarcastic with the Emperor, but the man always tells him off for being formal. They’re family, as he says, so why should it matter what’s said and how behind closed doors.

“Would you like me to summon her here? If you wish to thank her for her antidote. Which, by the way, may need excused as the law clearly states women are prohibited from crafting medicines. I know you’ve noticed she is the one to craft most of the medicines who saved many of your workers and concubines. All she’s done is help, so I propose a change to that law, if you permit me to rewrite it, your Highness?”

The Emperor exhaled slowly, his amusement giving way to something more contemplative. He studied his younger brother carefully, his fingers lightly tapping against the edge of his teacup.

“The law…” he murmured, closing his eyes as he mulled over the proposal. “It was written with the intent to maintain order, to prevent unregulated concoctions from harming the court. But it is outdated.” He opened his eyes, sharp and knowing. “Maomao is already a quiet exception to the rule, isn’t she?” He let the words settle before giving a small nod. “If you can draft a reasonable revision, one that ensures quality control without stifling talent, then I will consider it.”

Setting his teacup down, he gave Jinshi a pointed look, all hints of teasing now gone. “As for your apothecary, I will thank her in due time.” His voice softened just a touch, as if conceding that Maomao had, indeed, done a great service. “But I will not call her here today.”

Then, his expression darkened slightly, and his gaze bore into Jinshi with an intensity that left no room for argument. “There is something far more pressing that I will ask of you, little brother.”

He leaned forward slightly, his voice lowering. “You will tell her the truth.”

Jinshi’s reaction was predictable—stiffening, a flicker of hesitation in his eyes—but the Emperor did not waver. “She deserves to know who you are. Who she has been risking herself for, time and time again.” He exhaled sharply, shaking his head. “You can’t keep hiding behind your mask forever, Jinshi. You owe it to her—to yourself—to be honest.”

Then, after a pause, he gave a small, knowing smirk. “Unless, of course, you’re afraid of what she’ll say.”

Jinshi had one moment of relief before he was tense all over, again.

At the mention on the truth.

The truth..

Of who he is, what he is, his real name, real birthright, real mother, everything. Why Suiren and Gaoshun treat him as their child. Why he’s regarded so highly with the Emperor and the Dowager Empress. Why he’s so important in the court itself, why he lives here.

That he isn’t actually a eunuch and is just pretending because he doesn’t want the responsibilities that come with being a prince. Because he’s weak and unwilling to step up to his birthright should the current Emperor ever truly be killed.

With a sigh, Jinshi lowered his head and stared at his lap in defeat. “You’re right. I should tell her. I know what her response will be, already, so no I’m unafraid of what she will think. I just hope she won’t be upset I lied for so long, or think any lower of me for remaining hidden as a eunuch rather than sitting on your right side as I should’ve been for all these years, now.”

He fears she will address him differently, will be more formal around him, maybe even a bit more distant in respect of his true status. She’s good at keeping secrets and he knows she won’t care too much, but that doesn’t stop him from being afraid of the little things.

What would she do if she realizes she’s being flirted with by the second prince? What would she say if he outed himself to her and she figures out she’s been so informal and mildly rude to the second prince on multiple occasions.

What would she think of him? After learning his true identity and finding out he’s just another lying, deceitful man here to be greedy and selfish and want less than the life of a prince or Emperor. He just wants to be himself, even if drowning in work, even if he has to hide his childish side, at least he still feels relatively free.

The Emperor watched Jinshi with a measured gaze, his expression unreadable as his brother spoke. When Jinshi finally fell silent, the Emperor let out a slow breath and leaned back against the cushions of his seat, fingers tapping idly against the wooden armrest.

“You say you’re unafraid of her response,” he murmured, “but you fear everything that comes after.” His tone wasn’t mocking, nor was it scolding. It was simply an observation, as if he could see straight through the tangled mess of emotions Jinshi refused to say aloud.

He tilted his head slightly. “You’ve spent so long running from the weight of your birthright that you’ve convinced yourself you aren’t worthy of it. That you’re weak for not wanting it. But that’s where you’re wrong.” His voice grew sharper, more resolute. “Weak men don’t hold up an entire court from the shadows. Weak men don’t navigate politics and poison with the ease that you do. Weak men don’t protect what they love with such quiet desperation.”

He sighed, shaking his head. “Whether you accept it or not, you are a prince, Jinshi. And that means you have a responsibility—not just to the empire, but to the people who trust you.” He met Jinshi’s eyes then, unwavering. “She is one of those people.”

For a brief moment, his expression softened. “You fear she will think less of you. That she will address you differently. That she will become formal and distant.” He huffed out a small, knowing chuckle. “You forget, little brother, that she is not like the others. She has never bowed to status, nor has she ever been charmed by wealth or titles. She only respects those she deems worthy .” He gave Jinshi a pointed look. “And despite all your hiding, she still chooses to stand beside you. What does that tell you?”

He let the question linger before sighing and waving a dismissive hand. “Tell her. The rest will fall into place as it must.” Then, with a smirk, he added, “And if you keep hesitating, I will summon her myself.”

Jinshi pouted at his brother. The man was right. Of course he’s right, the Emperor is always right.

“I’ll think about it. I should go begin writing that draft. For her sake, it must be rewritten before someone with destructive intentions comes along and outs her to everyone.”

More like Jinshi was just using the excuse as a reason to leave and escape the conversation.

He really doesn’t think he can last a second longer being read like an open book, like this. It makes him feel raw and exposed.

He hates it.

Getting up from his chair, he holds the bowl of medicine given by Maomao and turns for the door to leave.

The Emperor watched Jinshi retreat, amusement flickering in his eyes as he tilted his head back against the cushions, he felt much better now so he knows the Apothecary is worth her weight in gold for her work. Just as his younger brother reached the door, he called out in a smooth, almost lazy tone—one that carried just enough weight to make sure Jinshi * heard * him.

“Oh, and Jinshi,” he drawled, the teasing lilt unmistakable, though there was an underlying seriousness to his words. “Changes are coming to the inner and outer palace. I look forward to working with you.”

A slow, knowing smile tugged at his lips. “I trust you won’t run from that too, hmm?”

He let the words settle in the air, watching for any reaction before chuckling to himself and waving a hand dismissively. “Go on, now. You have quite a bit to handle, don’t you?”

And with that, he reclined back comfortably, more than pleased with the day’s outcome.

Jinshi hunched his shoulders to his ears when reminded of the changes. He wishes he could run, but the Emoeror is right. That’s just asking for trouble..

“I’ll get working on everything, your highness. You can trust me.” With a bow, he turned and left the room, forcing himself to relax when he felt more stressed than he’s felt in recent months.

Maybe a visit to his favorite apothecary will help?

…..

Nope, no, not at all. The stress of having to tell her everything will just make seeing her less enjoyable. He would probably appear mad and he doesn’t want her to think he’s upset at her.

Gods he feels scared of so much..

He heads to his office to start redrafting the law of who should make medications. It’s dumb that it’s only men allowed when there’s so much potential in many women. It doesn’t make sense for it to be a men only thing.

Although the risk of aphrodisiacs being slipped into meals of men in higher power is a big risk, there’s already a lot of that aimed at the concubines, so it still doesn’t make sense.

Maomao worked in silence, her hands moving efficiently as she gathered the leftover supplies from the poisoning incident. The bowls, the cloths, the empty medicine vials—everything that had been used in her care.

She had woken up feeling much better, at least physically. The poison had drained her, left her sluggish, but the antidote had done its job well. And now, with Jinshi off drawing care of The Emperor, she had taken it upon herself to clean up.

Her back was to the door, but her eyes were fixed on the bed. The same bed she had slept in. The same bed she had been held in.

The same bed where Jinshi had said those words.

*“I love you.”*

She had been barely conscious, but she had heard him. And now, she couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Maomao frowned at herself, scrubbing a little too hard at an already clean bowl. It didn’t make sense. Jinshi was always teasing, always playing the role of a flirtatious noble who enjoyed seeing her flustered. But this hadn’t been that. His voice had been raw, uncertain. * Genuine.*

Her stomach twisted in a way she didn’t like.

*What does it matter? * she thought, forcing herself to move on to folding the blankets. * It was probably just the stress talking. He was exhausted. He wouldn’t-*

She exhaled sharply, shaking her head.

No. She wasn’t going to dwell on it.

Jinshi was Jinshi. And she was Maomao.

And that was that.

Jinshi knew what he wanted the draft to look like, for the most part, so he was nearly finished when Gaoshun walked in and saw how determined Jinshi looked.

“Master Jinshi? How is the Emperor?” Gaoshun asked, watching Jinshi write meticulously on the parchment before him.

“The Emperor is better. Maomao’s antidote worked wonders. He should be back on his feet in no time. Don’t worry about hiding her abilities, either. I’m currently working on a draft to change the law forbidding women from making medicine. I got the Emperor’s permission, so no need to worry about that.” Jinshi said as he took a moment to loosen the tightness in his wrist as best he could. It always seemed to hurt after a few hours of constant writing. He wonders if Maomao knows what that could m-

Jinshi shook his head and element back to writing, ignoring Gaoshun and working as he should.

Of course ignoring Gaoshun meant not noticing until the man was right by his side that there was a knowing look in those eyes. “The Emperor commanded you tell her the truth. Didn’t he.” It wasn’t a question.

Jinshi shook his head as he stared blankly at the paper. “He didn’t command anything. He heavily advised I do so. He’s right, of course, but..”

“But you fear her reaction. If she would treat you differently and feel you’re much farther away from her reach than she already thinks you are.” Gaoshun correctly guessed, watching as Jinshi curled a bit into himself.

Gaoshun sighed and went for the door, pausing when the young prince asked where he was going. Being honest, Gaoshun smiled over his shoulder. “Don’t worry. Just keep working. I’ll be back shortly.” And off he went to find Maomao and bring her back to Jinshi’s office.

Also to get her opinion on the matter. See if she truly likes Jinshi back.

Maomao was dusting the shelves in one of the quieter corridors of the estate when she caught sight of Gaoshun approaching. She straightened slightly, brushing off her sleeves as he neared.

She was often sought out by Jinshi’s ever-loyal attendant usually for something important. The man was efficient and did not waste time with pleasantries, which she appreciated.

Still, she blinked in mild confusion before inclining her head in acknowledgment.

“Gaoshun. Does Master Jinshi require something of me?” she asked, setting the cloth aside.

Her mind immediately jumped to possibilities—perhaps there was another task to be done. Or maybe, though she hoped not, another poisoning incident.

Either way, she would get to the bottom of it soon enough.

Gaoshun gave Maomoa a small bow of his head, then proceeded to the reason he came to her.

“Master Jinshi does require your presence, merely to say something. To reveal a truth he has been holding onto for far too long, now. On top of that, I request a response from you to a more personal matter, pertaining to master Jinshi.”

Gaoshun let a moment pass between them before he continued.

“Do you like master Jinshi? As more than a boss and his servant. Do you see master Jinshi in a romantic light? Please, be honest with me. He will not hear of this unless you wish for it.”

Maomao froze.

Her mind immediately went into overdrive, running through every possible angle, every potential trap hidden in Gaoshun’s words. This had to be a setup. A test, perhaps. If she answered incorrectly, would she be punished? Demoted? Sent away? Killed?!

She kept her expression carefully neutral, but inwardly, her thoughts raced.

Why would he ask this? Why now? Jinshi was far above her station—too far. Even if she did entertain such foolish thoughts, it wasn’t something she could ever voice. She was a servant, an apothecary at best, and he…

No. This was dangerous.

“I fail to see how my personal thoughts on Master Jinshi would be of any importance,” she said carefully, choosing her words with precision. “If this is some kind of test, I assure you, I have been nothing but professional in my service to him.”

Her mind was already working on ways to slip out of this conversation. Maybe she could feign ignorance, claim she was too busy, or—

She quickly bowed. “If Master Jinshi requires my presence for a discussion, I will, of course, oblige. But if this is about anything else, I must insist that it is improper for a servant to speak of their master in such a way.”

She turned slightly, as if preparing to leave, trying to end this conversation before she said something she would regret.

Hashing expected as much, so he already had something prepared.

“What if you weren’t a servant girl and he wasn’t a high ranking official? Humor me, a moment. If you both weren’t in the positions you’re in now, what would you have said?”

Gaoshun walked closer to Maomao and put a gentle hand on her shoulder to turn her back around without being forceful about it.

“I assure you, this is no test. You already know how he feels, I just wish to know if it is reciprocated and we may find a way to make it possible, or if it’s a waste of time and to cut master Jinshi off now before he becomes any more attached than he already is. I’ve never seen something make him smile as much as you do for him. I’ve never seen him feel comfortable to be himself around anyone but you, Suiren, myself and occasionally the Emperor. So please, at least give a real answer, as if there are no obstacles holding you back should your response be yes.”

Maomao stiffened under Gaoshun’s touch, her mind still spinning, but this time, her heart betrayed her as well.

A world where neither of them were bound by status? By duty? By the weight of titles and expectations?

It was a cruel thing to ask her to imagine.

Her lips parted, but no words came out at first. What was she supposed to say? That she had thought about it? That there were moments—stolen, fleeting moments—where she let herself linger on the warmth in Jinshi’s gaze, the way he softened around her, the way his voice held something dangerously tender when he spoke her name?

No.

“It’s impossible,” she said, voice barely above a whisper. “I am nothing more than a servant girl from the pleasure district. He is a noble—whether a eunuch or not, it hardly matters. There is no future where we…” She shook her head, pressing her lips together as if to keep them from trembling.

Gaoshun had asked her to pretend, to speak as if there were no obstacles, but there were obstacles. There always would be. And she knew better than to indulge in fantasies that would only end in heartbreak.

She bowed her head, stepping back. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, and before Gaoshun could say anything else, she turned and ran.

Ran before she could break apart entirely.

Chapter 11 Chapter Text

Gaoshun sighed as he watched her run off.

Well, at least he had his answer.

There’s no way Maomao doesn’t like Jinshi. Gaoshun just has to figure out how to coax Maomao into thinking it through and finding a way. She’s smart, he knows with help she can do it.

Gaoshun doesn’t doubt the Emperor would legitimately make it possible by ordering her to be Jinshi’s concubine. Or if she were to be officially adopted by her blood father then there was a very real chance her and Jinshi could be together as they should be.

Jinshi needs it as much as Gaoshun knows Maomao does. They’re both so hung up in titles, they don’t see the obvious answers in front of them.

Gaoshun sighed and turned to head back to Jinshi’s office. To make sure the idiot boy wouldn’t kill himself working, again.

In the rundown north orchard, beneath the skeletal limbs of gnarled trees, Maomao sank down onto the cold, cracked ground. She hugged her knees tightly to her chest, feeling the weight of her conflicted heart.

The soft rustling of dead leaves around her mirrored the silent, aching turmoil within. Her mind raced with desperate questions—why must she always be the one to speak of impossibilities, to remind herself that she was nothing more than a servant? In the quiet solitude of the orchard, with dusk creeping in, she allowed herself a moment of weakness.

The words Jinshi had spoken—words that both comforted and terrified her—echoed in her thoughts, leaving her unsure if the love he hinted at could ever be hers.

For now, all she could do was remain curled up there, sheltering her bruised heart from a world that demanded she forget what she truly felt.

After ensuring Maomao had been safely set aside, Gaoshun made his way back to Jinshi’s office. His measured footsteps carried a quiet urgency, each one filled with concern for his young master.

When he arrived, he found Jinshi hunched over his work, the exhaustion etched deeply into his features. Gaoshun observed the lines of stress and the subtle tremor in Jinshi’s hands with a heavy heart. He knew too well the price Jinshi paid for his hidden burdens.

Stepping closer, Gaoshun gently placed a steadying hand on Jinshi’s shoulder, his tone low and resolute as he said, “Master Jinshi, I trust you’re managing—but do take a moment to rest. The court’s demands can wait; your well-being must come first.” His eyes, though stern, held a flicker of warmth and quiet encouragement.

Gaoshun was determined to keep his master safe, both from the perils of the political world and the even more dangerous labyrinth of his own heart.

Jinshi shook his head minutely, but he did put the brush down. “I need to finish this for the apothecary’s sake.”

He took a breath then picked up the brush, again, to continue writing. “Speaking of, would you mind letting her know the new order being presented to the Emperor, soon? So she may know she won’t have to help people in secrecy, anymore. Also, her most recent gift has arrived. It’s there in that box. I still have much to do and will be unable to bring it to her, so would you do the honors in my place?”

Gaoshun hesitated for a brief moment before exhaling softly. He kept his tone even, though there was a trace of concern in his eyes.

“…I would, Master Jinshi, but there is something you should know.” He folded his hands behind his back, choosing his words carefully. “Maomao ran off. She was rather… upset.”

He didn’t elaborate further, not wanting to alarm Jinshi just yet. “I do not believe she is in any danger, but I felt it was important to inform you. If you wish, I can see to it that she receives your message and the gift once she has settled.” Gaoshun gave Jinshi a steady look, gauging his reaction. “But perhaps it may be best if she hears it from you, instead.”

Jinshi immediately focused on Gaoshun entirely. He lost interest in any work and stood rather abruptly.

“Ran off? Where? Why? Is she alright? Who made her run? No, wait, what direction? I’ll go after her.”

Jinshi was already moving. It was rather cold out so he grabbed his overcoat, but he didn’t put it on.

He barely waited at the door, hesitating only long enough for Gaoshun to say what direction and then he was off without a second thought.

Gaoshun sighed, already expecting this reaction. He gave a small shake of his head but didn’t try to stop Jinshi.

“She ran toward the north orchard,” he answered calmly. “She is not in danger, but she seemed… conflicted.” His sharp eyes watched Jinshi’s every movement, but he made no move to hold him back.

“Master Jinshi,” he added just as the young man was about to rush out. “Be gentle with her.” There was a deeper meaning to his words, one he knew Jinshi would understand. Then, with a faint, knowing smile, he stepped aside, allowing Jinshi to leave.

Jinshi was out in seconds. He didn’t care what he looked like, he didn’t care what his social status was, he loves this woman and he won’t let his position risk him losing her.

He ran. He bolted. He didn’t waste a second and ignored every woman, man, guard, concubine he passed who tried to ask what was up and if he was okay.

It wasn’t until he found Maomao, curled under a tree in the orchid that he took a moment to pause and catch his breath. When he managed to be able to breathe again, he continued forward and wrapped the warm over coat over her to stave off any shivering.

He looked frazzled, hair unkempt and sweat on his forehead, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was Maomao and if she was safe.

“Apothecary, what happened? Are you alright, did someone hurt you? Gaoshun told me you ran off.” His voice was protective, worried, maybe a little scared. He wasn’t bothering to hide what he felt. He didn’t bother hiding anything. This was Maomao and she doesn’t care if he’s a prince, eunuch, servant or a beggar on the side of the street. She would think of him the same way no matter his status. He has no fears being himself around her so he won’t bother hiding what he did to get to her.

Maomao startled at the sound of Jinshi’s voice, her head snapping up as she clutched her knees tighter. She hadn’t even heard him approach—had been too lost in the storm of thoughts and emotions that had been weighing down on her chest.

Her wide eyes met his, and for the first time, she realized how much she must look like a mess. Her cheeks were damp, her vision still blurred with lingering tears. But more than that, the faint, fake freckles she usually painted on her skin had been washed away completely, leaving her bare, exposed in a way she rarely allowed herself to be.

Jinshi’s presence, his frantic concern, made something in her chest tighten unbearably. She never cried—not when she was beaten, not when she was scolded, not even when she thought she might die. And yet now, with him standing there, looking at her like she was the most important thing in the world, she couldn’t stop the tears that had already fallen. “M-Master Jinshi why are you..-“

The moment Jinshi saw Maomao’s tears, he felt a deep spark of rage stab him in the gut.

Who had dared done this to his Maomao!?

“Maomao..” Jinshi whispered, moving closer and beginning to gently wipe away the tear tracks on her face. “What happened..?”

Translation ‘who hurt you, who do I have to kill, all it takes is one word and they’re dead.’

Jinshi mentally paused for a moment. He had no idea where this came from. He didn’t know he could feel this violent. Sure, he was pissed and protective when Maomao was so hurt she passed out after that assassination attempt, but he didn’t feel this violent and aggressive and possessive.

Whoever had done this to Maomao would surely pay for their crimes.

Maomao flinched at the sudden warmth against her cheek, her breath catching as Jinshi’s fingers gently wiped away the remnants of her tears. The touch was careful, reverent even, and for the briefest of moments—before her mind could catch up to her body—she leaned into it.

It was instinct, a fleeting second of vulnerability where she allowed herself to seek comfort in the warmth he offered. But as soon as she realized what she was doing, she stiffened. Her eyes widened slightly, and she pulled back, straightening her posture as if trying to reassemble the walls she had just let crumble.

“This is…” she started, her voice quieter than she meant it to be. She swallowed, trying to steady herself. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”

She wasn’t fine. She knew it. He knew it. But what else could she say? What else should she say?

Her fingers curled into the fabric of the overcoat he had draped over her, as if grounding herself, as if trying to remind herself of where she stood. “I’m sorry for making you worry.” Her words were carefully measured, but there was still something raw lingering in her gaze.

“I am alright Master Jinshi…”

Jinshi looked hurt as she pulled away, his face falling with disappointment. Still, he shook his head and rid himself of the pain.

“Ma- apothecary, please, there’s no way you’re okay. You’re crying. I’ve never seen you cry before, that means you’re really not okay. Just tell me what happened? Servant or not, you’re still important. You’re invaluable to this palace and I won’t have it go unpunished if someone made you cry.” Jinshi’s voice was stern, yet strained with an underlying emotion.

Fear. Fear that Maomao was pulling away from him. Fear that, even without revealing who he was, Maomao was already fleeing. Fear that revealing might make her run completely and give him no choice but to watch her go. Fear that he will never see her again because of this. Because of all of this.

“Did someone say something? Has someone figured out your hobby? The fact you make medicines for public use? Because I’m working on that. I’m already rewriting the law to make it available for women to make medicines too. Permission from the Emperor, so don’t worry it’s legal. Don’t be afraid, you won’t be condemned for your favorite pastime and for helping people in the past. You won’t be harmed, or beheaded I would never allow that. Please, no need to cry, Xiaomao..” he whispered, fretting over her by wrapping his overcoat more firmly around her and checking her for injuries or blue tips to the fingers, anything. Everything. His genuine adoration and care was so obvious. He wasn’t trying to hide it, but he also wasn’t willing to push it if Maomao honestly pushed him away.

Maomao swallowed hard, her fingers clutching at the coat he had wrapped around her. He was so close, his warmth practically seeping into her through the fabric, and she hated how much she wanted to bask in it.

His words cut through her, slicing past every carefully constructed wall she had built over the years. He was worried. Deeply worried. He was promising her things that no high-ranking noble..or self said eunuch..should promise a lowly apothecary girl. She had spent years being overlooked, brushed aside, regarded as little more than a strange, sharp-tongued girl who had no place among the delicate flowers of the inner court.

But Jinshi… he was treating her as if she was precious.

That was dangerous.

She squeezed her eyes shut and took a slow, deep breath, forcing herself to remember her place.

“I told you, it’s nothing,” she murmured, her voice quieter than before. But then she shook her head, fingers tightening around the coat. “…No, that’s not true.”

Jinshi deserved honesty. If nothing else, she could at least give him that.

“It’s not that I’m afraid of what will happen to me,” she admitted, her voice steady even as her heart twisted. “I know you’re working to change things—I know you would never let me be harmed.” She opened her eyes, meeting his gaze with something fragile yet determined. “But that doesn’t change what I am. Where I come from. You shouldn’t be doing all this for me.”

The words hurt to say. Because deep down, she wanted to be selfish. She wanted to let herself lean into his touch, to let herself believe—for just a moment—that she could stay by his side without consequence.

But reality didn’t work that way.

She exhaled, shoulders dropping. “It’s not that someone hurt me, Jinshi.” His name left her lips softer than usual, almost… hesitant. “It’s that no matter what changes, I will always be a woman from the pleasure district. And you will always be…” She trailed off, shaking her head. “Even if you weren’t a eunuch, even if you were just a noble, we both know that people like me aren’t meant to be near people like you.”

Her hands curled tighter into the coat.

“…And that’s why I ran.”

Jinshi felt his chest constrict. He pulled back, not completely, but he did let his hands fall into his lap.

They were shaking and he was staring at them with apt attention.

*Even if you weren’t a eunuch, even if you were just a noble, we both know that people like me aren’t meant to be near people like you.*

..guess now is as good a time as any.

“What if it’s commanded of you? By the second Prince of our kingdom?” Jinshi asked softly, voice shaky and distant.

“What if I command it of you? Or give you a promotion? Or.. or what if my brother finds a way? He’s already offered to order you become my concubine, but I shot that down because I would prefer you not be stuck by my side if you change your mind in the future. There’s also your blood related father, if he were to adopt you officially back into his family I would be allowed to take you in as a concubine genuinely, or there are other options. There are always options.”

He sort of hopes she glosses over that hinted at admission of who he really is. He fears she won’t hear it. He fears she will hear it. He fears so much and he can feel the way his shoulders are stiff and his hands trembled against his thighs.

Maomao froze.

Her mind, usually sharp and calculating, ground to a complete halt.

What if I command it of you?

He’s already offered to order you become my concubine—

Her ears were ringing. Her breath felt shallow. The weight of his words pressed down on her, suffocating and overwhelming, yet beneath that… there was something else. Something she didn’t dare name.

Slowly, she turned to face him fully, her eyes sharp even through the lingering dampness of her tears. “ What did you just say?” Her voice was quiet, but it wasn’t weak. It was the kind of quiet that came before a storm.

The overcoat slipped from her shoulders as she abruptly stood, her legs steady despite the trembling she felt inside.

She had heard him. She wasn’t sure if she wished she hadn’t.

“You—” She took a slow step back, eyes scanning him with newfound scrutiny. His trembling hands. The way his posture seemed too stiff, too tense. The way his expression looked like a man standing at the edge of a cliff, waiting to see if he would be pushed or pulled back.

She felt sick.

“…I knew it,” she whispered. “I knew you weren’t just a eunuch.” She let out a breathless, almost bitter noise. “I knew you weren’t a eunuch, you were too pretty, too well liked by the emperor..too important.” Her fingers twitched at her sides. “You’re telling me now? Now of all times?”

Her heartbeat was loud in her ears. The second prince. The brother of the Emperor. The one person she should never gotten involved with.

Her hands clenched into fists.

“…That’s not fair,” she murmured, voice trembling. She looked at him—not as an apothecary looking at an official, not as a servant looking at her master, but as Maomao , looking at Jinshi .

“That’s not fair at all…. I- I couldn’t say no it’s below my station and you have power no matter what the situation may be… but that’s not a relationship I want, I don’t wish to be forced into a marriage because another is so infatuated with me.”

Jinshi lifted his head the moment Maomao abruptly stood and his eyes widened as she took his words wildly out of context.

“I-.. what? Of course you have a choice! It’s your life, I’m not a cruel leader. I don’t even accept my own status, I’ve done my best to avoid it. I’m not forcing you into anything. You do as you wish. If that’s leave the estates, then I won’t stop you. You already know I won’t let anyone hurt you for speaking your mind. For being your own person. I’ve proven it time and time again, why can’t you trust that?”

Jinshi stayed on the ground. He let Maomao stay above him. He didn’t wish to tower over her while having this conversation. He wanted her to know he cared enough to let her go if that’s what she wants.

“I’m not here to trap you. If you wish for freedom, you will be granted that. Whether leaving the palace itself, or staying, but not as my apothecary you’re free to do as you wish. You aren’t trapped here. I will ensure as much.”

Jinshi lowered his head again, essentially bowing to her instead of the other way around. “You are a strong and independent woman. I will not force you to stay if that’s not what you wish. Although before you run off again..” slowly, Jinshi pulled out a gift box. Inside was carefully wrapped deer antler velvet.

“Think of this either as an apology for hiding for so long, an apology for the misunderstanding or a goodbye. Whichever you feel most comfortable with. Just.. please trust me when I say I will not control you and your choices. Please know that I am not here to trap you, I just got attached despite knowing I shouldn’t. It’s my fault and I will find a way to fix myself if that’s is what you wish, but I truly don’t believe the look in your eyes when you see me is entirely dismissive and annoyed. Although, again, I will not stop you from leaving.”

Maomao stood there, torn between so many emotions she wasn’t sure which one to focus on.

Jinshi’s words rang in her ears, each one carefully chosen, each one meant to reassure her—but the problem wasn’t just him. It was everything .

You do as you wish.

You aren’t trapped here.

You are a strong and independent woman.

It almost made her laugh. Not because it was funny, but because of how impossible it all felt.

She lowered her gaze, staring at the carefully wrapped gift box in his hands. The moment he lifted the lid, revealing the deer antler velvet, her breath hitched—just a fraction, but enough that she knew Jinshi would notice.

It was something she wanted .

But…

“…This isn’t fair,” she murmured again, softer this time. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s not that I think you would ever try to force me into anything.”

Her fingers twitched at her sides.

“But my feelings are—” she stopped herself, took a shaky breath, and tried again. “My feelings are invalid when my status wouldn’t allow such a thing to begin with.”

There. It was out. The words felt heavy, like stones sinking in her chest.

“…Even if I did feel something,” she said carefully, “it wouldn’t matter , because people like me don’t get to love people like you. That’s just how it is.” She clenched her fists, trying to steady herself. “It’s not about what you would or wouldn’t allow. It’s about reality . And the reality is that no matter what, there will always be a distance between us. One I don’t have the right to breech..”

Slowly, she took a step back.

“…I won’t tell anyone,” she finally said, meeting his gaze once more. “It’s not my place to say anything about who you really are.” Her voice was steadier now, more composed, but the conflict in her eyes remained.

“…But I can’t take that.” She gestured toward the deer antler velvet. “I just… I can’t. I want it yes but I’d feel wrong to do so..”

Jinshi watched her back away. Each step shattered his heart more and more. He.. she was denying him. He knew this would happen. He shouldn’t have hoped for it. He knows, he knows this would be her answer. Her opinion. He knew this would happen.. and yet it still hurts so much.

So very much .

“I understand. I get it. I will not stop you. Again, it’s your choice. Just..” his voice trailed off.

There was no point. There was no need to fight more. He really is destined to lose all he wants to get attached to.

It started with the toys when he was young and.. he really should’ve taken those lessons to heart. Don’t get attached. He will be losing her. He knows he will.

So why does it hurt so much?

He needs to hide before he cries. He needs to escape before she crushes him more than he’s already crushed himself.

Maomao saw the way his expression fell—the way his voice faltered, the way his hands trembled just the slightest bit at his sides. She saw all of it.

And it hurt .

But she had already said too much. She had already let too much slip. If she stayed any longer, she knew she would waver, and she couldn’t —not when she knew how impossible it was.

“…I’m sorry Master Jinshi…,” she whispered, barely audible. Her voice cracking as she spoke and her hands shaking.

Then she turned and ran.

She didn’t know where she was going, only that she had to get away before she lost her resolve completely. Before she turned around and made a mistake she couldn’t take back.

Her heart pounded against her ribs as she fled, but it wasn’t from exertion. It wasn’t from the cold air biting at her skin.

It was because, no matter how much distance she put between them, the ache in her chest only grew worse.

Jinshi watched her run. He watched as each step tore him more and more apart, but.. he can’t..

He can’t let it end like this. No, he refuses to let another thing he loves go without a real fight rather than a tantrum. He knows she likes him back, she’s just afraid of status.

He knows she wants to be with him, just..

No, he isn’t letting it end like this.

He didn’t bother grabbing his coat and he left the gift in the grass as he bolted after her.

His long legs managed to catch up to her rather easily and he grabbed her by the wrist before tugging Maomao against his chest.

Wrapping his arm firmly around her waist, he cupped her cheek with his other hand.

“I love you. Maomao, I love you. I don’t care about social status, I don’t care that you are a servant and I the second prince, that doesn’t matter to me. It never has and it never will. I love you.” He declared, looking deep into those gorgeous violet eyes.

Leaning in, it first appeared he was going in for a kiss to her lips, but he changed trajectory and merely kissed her forehead.

Chapter 12 Chapter Text

Maomao barely had time to gasp before she was pulled against the warmth of Jinshi’s chest, his arms wrapped firmly around her as if he were afraid she might disappear if he let go.

She had been running so fast, so blindly, that when she was suddenly caught, the momentum sent her balance off-kilter. She clutched at his robes, more out of instinct than anything else, fingers curling into the expensive fabric as her breath came in quick, uneven pants.

Then his words hit her.

I love you.

She stiffened. Her pulse stuttered. The lump in her throat grew unbearable, and despite everything—despite her best efforts to steel herself—fresh tears welled up in her eyes.

“Master Jinshi…” she mumbled, shaking her head. “You—You shouldn’t…” Her voice cracked.

He shouldn’t love her. He was a noble. She was just a servant girl. Worse, a girl from the pleasure district . Someone who should never be near someone like him.

“You shouldn’t settle for someone like me,” she whispered, her fingers trembling against his chest. “You could do so much better. It’s—it’s improper. It’s foolish. I’m not—”

But she didn’t push him away.

She should have.

She should have pulled herself free and fled again, should have scolded him for being reckless with his status, should have reminded him that a noble had no business chasing after a mere servant girl.

And yet… she didn’t move.

Her body betrayed her.

Instead of struggling, she found herself leaning into his hold, her weight resting against him like she was too exhausted to fight anymore.

Like she didn’t want to fight anymore.

Jinshi cradled her close and cut her off with a soft, almost fond sigh as they stood in silence together amidst the trees of the orchid.

He just needed a moment. A moment to gather his words, a moment to gather his thoughts, a moment to bask in the feeling of Maomao wrapped safe and secure in his arms. He feared this would be the only time she’d allow this form of closeness..

“I know it’s improper, but I don’t care. I’ve never cared. That’s not how Gaoshun and Suiren raised me. I was taught respect, yes, but never to care for social statuses when thinking on certain matters. Whether that be the matters of the heart or right versus wrong. Social status means nothing in light of those. Or I took their teachings far out of context, but either way, I don’t care. You are the one I love. The one I treasure, the one I would gladly spend eternity with.”

Jinshi very gently caressed Maomao’s cheek. His dark purple eyes looked soft, adoring, loving as he cradled her a bit closer. “I’m not settling for something beneath me. I am in love with you as a person. Not for status, not for connections in the pleasure district, but because of who you are. That has *nothing to do* with social status.”

Maomao felt the warmth of his hand on her cheek, a gentle touch that only made her heart ache further. She could hear the sincerity in his voice, and it made the doubt, the fear, and the guilt swirl inside her more intensely than ever.

She closed her eyes for a moment, letting his words wash over her, her body still held in his embrace. She wanted to believe him, truly. She wanted to give in to the quiet, reassuring warmth of his affection. But there was a voice inside her that refused to be silenced—one that reminded her of her place in the world. Her role. Her limitations.

She took a shaky breath, her fingers still clutched tightly at the fabric of his robes. “But you… you’re a noble , Master Jinshi,” she whispered, her voice barely above a breath. “I’m just a servant. I don’t have the right to be with someone like you. You deserve someone who can stand by your side in public, someone with status… someone like one of the court ladies, or—”

Her voice broke, and she swallowed, fighting the emotion that threatened to rise within her.

“I can’t just… be a part of your world. I’m not… I’m not meant to be there. It’s not that I don’t want this… It’s just that…” She paused, her voice trembling. “It’s impossible, Master Jinshi. Even if you don’t care about status, I can’t ignore it. You’ll always be a noble. And I’ll always be… just Maomao. I can’t ask you to go through something like this for me…”

Her eyes fluttered open to meet his, and the pain in them was unmistakable. She wished she could be as free as he seemed to believe she could be. But the reality of their difference in station weighed heavily on her heart, too heavy to ignore, too suffocating to ignore for long.

“I’m… sorry.” The words came out barely more than a whisper. “I just— I love you , Master Jinshi I do… But….”

Jinshi squashed down every lick of hope that dared try and bloom when Maomao confirmed she reciprocated his feelings. He couldn’t afford that, yet. He would only crash and burn harder if this didn’t end right and turned ugly.

“You have options, though. To change your status. To make this a little more realistic. There is no reason we can’t try and figure this out. You love me and I love you too the least we can do is try and find a way. Your father is a high ranking official. Yes, he’s annoying, and yes I agree, giving in and letting him have what he wanted from the start would feel.. awful, but..”

He trailed off a moment, holding Maomao tighter, closer. He was so afraid she would slip from his embrace and try to escape before anymore ideas, or options could be brought up.

Her just giving up like this really made his head and chest hurt. He briefly wonders if he’s getting sick, with how much his stomach has been flipping this entire conversation.

“..Whatever it takes to make you mine, I am willing to pay that price.” He never wanted to be royalty to begin with. Truly, he didn’t. He would gladly renounce his role as prince and top official eunuch to be with her. He would gladly become nothing more than a beggar if it meant she could stay here in his arms.

He doesn’t care. She is his and he will make sure that happens so long as she wants him, in return.

Maomao let out a slow, weary sigh, her resistance crumbling bit by bit under the weight of his words, his embrace, his persistence .

He was so stubborn. So impossibly stubborn.

Her hands trembled as she hesitated, then finally, finally , she lifted one to cup his cheek. Her fingers were cold against his skin, but she didn’t pull away. Instead, she traced the edge of his jaw with her thumb, as if committing every detail to memory.

“You’re so stubborn, Master Jinshi,” she murmured, her voice carrying a quiet exasperation, but there was no bite to it. No real fight left in her words. Just a deep, aching fondness. A tenderness she had fought to suppress for so long.

She knew she should argue with him more. She knew she should insist that his station, his future, his entire life was not something he could just throw away so carelessly.

And yet…

Here he was, holding onto her like she was something precious. Looking at her like she was the most important thing in the world. Willing to give up everything for her, despite how utterly foolish that was.

Her fingers curled slightly against his cheek. She could feel how warm he was beneath her touch, how real this moment was.

“…You’re impossible,” she whispered, her breath unsteady. “And I don’t know what to do with you….but that does not seem to change my love for you…”

Jinshi sighed with a minuscule amount of relief, his arms tightening and head falling to press against her forehead, gently.

“I’m sorry.. I know this is a lot and I know this is foolish, but one cannot fight the will of the heart.” He said with a soft, albeit shaky, grin.

He’s still so scared of losing her. He’s still so scared of losing what he’s gotten attached to. He swears Suiren and Gaoshun gave him attachment issues. He tends to clutch what he loves close to his chest and hides them away, or shields them with his body. He’s become stubborn, he’s become aggressive when someone dares try and take what he loves from him, again.

“I’m not letting them take you away from me too..” he whispered subconsciously, his face moving to bury in beautiful dark green hair.

Maomao felt the warmth of his breath against her hair, his hold around her impossibly firm, as if he truly feared she would slip away if he loosened his grip for even a second.

She should have pushed him away. She should have scolded him for being reckless, for speaking of things that could never be so lightly.

But she didn’t.

Instead, she let herself sink into his embrace, her own hands gripping the fabric of his robes as she exhaled a slow, unsteady breath.

“…No one’s taking me away, Master Jinshi,” she murmured, voice quieter than usual, yet steady. “Not unless I decide to go.”

She closed her eyes for a moment, her fingers tightening against his chest. He was trembling. He was afraid. And somehow, that realization made the ache in her own heart deepen.

“…I’m still not sure how this can work,” she admitted, voice barely above a whisper. “But I—”

She hesitated, then, with a small sigh, pressed her forehead more firmly against his.

“I don’t want to leave you, either…. I…was quite sad the first time you fired me..”

Jinshi let out a huff and shook his head in her hair.

“Yeah, when I gave you what I thought you wanted and ended up buying you out when I learned I was wrong. Technically I do own you, already.” He teased, a shaky chuckle leaving him.

He truly had believed he’d been giving her what she wanted. He let her go because he thought she wasn’t happy in the palace, but upon learning he was wrong he let her make the choice and helped her achieve it. He had hoped it would be proof enough to show Maomao his words are genuine. Whatever she wants and it’s hers, even if it takes a while to provide, it will be hers.

“I’m glad you wanted to come back..” He was quite the mess while she was away. He drowned himself in work, drowned himself in his sorrows and when there was no work for the palace to do, he was training ferociously alone at night. Until he was exhausted and managed to sleep after getting to the point he was unable to even get up, anymore. His body gave out on him and that was the only way he’d managed to sleep the week she’d been gone.

Maomao sighed, her breath ghosting against his collar as she allowed herself to lean into him completely. His warmth was steady, grounding, and despite everything—despite the uncertainty, despite the weight of reality pressing down on them—she found herself letting go of some of that tension.

“…You’re insufferable,” she muttered. If anything, her tone was softer than usual, laced with something dangerously close to fondness.

She hesitated, fingers hovering just above his before she finally let them fall, gently slipping her hand into his own. Her grasp was light at first, as if testing the waters, but after a moment, she curled her fingers more firmly around his.

“…I don’t regret coming back,” she admitted, voice quiet. “Even if you are an idiot Master Jinshi…”

“Zuigetsu. My name.. my real name. Zuigetsu. Or those close to me, they call me Yue. So please, there’s no need for such formalities behind closed doors. Call me Zuigetsu, or Yue, whichever you prefer. It’s not fair of me to call you a nickname and not allow you the same.” Jinshi said with a soft smile.

Jinshi looked at Maomao with such love and adoration. He went silent for a while, his gaze dipping to her lips a few times before he plucked up the courage to ask.

“May I kiss you?”

Maomao stiffened at first, her fingers unconsciously tightening around his. His real name… Zuigetsu. She turned the syllables over in her mind, committing them to memory. It was an honor, wasn’t it? To be given something so personal, something that only a select few knew. Though it only solidified her thoughts on him being a high ranking noble, she knew there was more to this man than just a pretty face.

And then his next words sank in.

Her breath caught. Her heart stammered.

Jinshi—no, Zuigetsu —was looking at her with such tenderness, such patience. It wasn’t a demand. It wasn’t an assumption. He was asking.

Maomao swallowed, suddenly very aware of how close they already were. The warmth of his hand in hers, the way his forehead still lingered near her own. He was waiting for her answer, allowing her the space to choose.

“…You’re really unfair,” she muttered under her breath.

But she didn’t pull away. She didn’t run. Instead, after a moment of deliberation, she gave the faintest nod—small, almost imperceptible, but undeniably there.

Zuigetsu smiled softly and leaned in. He still gave her the opportunity to flee, to push him away and never return to this moment.

He hesitated, he slowed himself before their lips could fully pressed together. When she didn’t pull away, he closed the gap and kissed her softly, gently, sweetly.

There was no urgency. There was no impatience, just mere love being infused with the press of lips.

His hands didn’t wander, didn’t push for anything more, he just held her close. Like she was something special. Like she was someone he wanted to protect and keep close. Like she was eternally special to him.

When he pulled back, he gave her a soft, charming smile. “You know, you’re the first to not care about what I look like nor my status, to an extent. You’re respectful, yes, but you don’t fall to my feet and kiss them for favoritism. I believe that’s what initially drew me to you. Your ability to set aside my status and charming ways and see me for who I am and not what I am. It’s.. beautiful.”

Maomao barely had time to process the kiss before he was pulling away, leaving her flustered and uncharacteristically speechless. Her lips still tingled from the sensation, warmth blooming in her chest in a way she wasn’t sure she liked.

And then, of course, he had to go and get sentimental.

She scowled, looking to the side, trying to will away the heat creeping up her neck. “You’re getting poetic again. I told you to stop doing that.”

But she didn’t pull away. Her hand still lingered in his, and the warmth of his body so close to hers made her feel oddly… secure.

For a long moment, she just stared at him, her sharp gaze scanning his face as if trying to decipher something. His words, his actions—they were genuine. And that was what truly made her nervous.

Then, after a beat, she tilted her head slightly, expression unreadable.

“So… does this mean you aren’t a eunuch?”

Chapter 13 Chapter Text

Jinshi stared with wide eyes at her, heat creeping up his neck before he forced it away and smirked. “No, darling. I’m not a eunuch. Merely pretending and taking a medication that suppresses my manhood.”

He gave a small, soft smile and an equally as soft chuckle. “Don’t worry, though, that won’t be possible for a while. Not until I reveal myself and stop taking the medicine. Even then, I may be unable to have children, unfortunately.”

He had truly wanted them in the future, but alas. If it is no longer possible, he can live with that. So long as he can have Maomao by his side, nothing else matters, to him.

“It’s getting colder, should we head inside? Also, your gift still needs added to your collection. It’s back where you were once sitting by that tree, over there.” They hadn’t exactly gone far in the small chase that had previously occurred. Luckily, the cloak and gift were both still within sight.

Maomao absorbed his words with her usual impassive expression, though inwardly, she found herself relieved. Children had never been in her plans to begin with, and the idea of starting a family had always felt distant—something that belonged to other people, not her.

She exhaled softly and gave a small nod at his suggestion to head back, though before she could move, a sudden realization struck her.

Her eyes widened as she turned to look at him, something clicking into place in the back of her mind.

“Wait—” She narrowed her gaze, piecing things together. “Is that why the Emperor allowed you to attempt the shrine trial? And why he said he would take me as a concubine?!”

The memory of that absurd moment hit her all at once. The Emperor’s words, the strange conditions of the trial—it all mad so much more sense now.

She resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose. Of course.

Zuigetsu looked at her with a little tilt of his head then chuckled with a fond smile. “Yeah, he let me try it with you as my temporary concubine so that you could guide us through the shrine since you figured it out on your own. He was curious, as was I.”

Zuigetsu didn’t realize the depth to his words. He didn’t realize that, technically, her guiding the party as his ‘concubine’ made him the rightful ruler. The rules of the trial were clear.

Even if she was his concubine for a moment, the trial was still legit. Yet he didn’t put the pieces together. He didn’t care to, anyways.

He continued walking until he could grab his cloak, then walked back to his Maomao and wrapped it around her shoulders. “Come on. Where it’s warmer.”

Maomao pulled the cloak tighter around herself, her mind still spinning over the implications of what he’d just said.

He was technically the rightful ruler.

It was absurd— he was absurd, casually brushing off something that could shake the very foundation of the court if the wrong people caught wind of it. Yet, of course, he wouldn’t think much of it. Jins-Zuigetsu had never cared for his status, never wanted it, never clung to the power others would have killed for.

She exhaled through her nose, shaking her head slightly.

“Only you could say something that ridiculous so casually,” she muttered, but despite herself, she followed after him.

She could dwell on the implications later. Right now, warmth—and maybe a strong drink—sounded far more appealing.

Zuigetsu led the way back into the palace, the gift back in his hands, ready to be returned to Maomao’s own. He didn’t return it until they got back inside. He brought her to his office where he presented the gift to her again, then gestured towards his desk.

“Would you like to read over the revised law? See if I missed anything?” He offered, walking closer to the desk where the candle he’d been using to write by was almost entirely depleted.

He would have to get a new one out, soon. He’s gone through so many is such a short amount of time..

Or, maybe it’s better to just change it now. While he’s thinking about it. With that, he turned and went to his half empty store of candles. A storage that had been fully filled a few days ago, his usual having to change it out every few hours having depleted the stash. It was truly a estimate of how much he’s been working, recently.

He usually enjoyed working by candlelight. Despite having lanterns around, it was easier to read at night with a candle next to the papers he was writing on.

With a sigh, he changed out the candle and relit it then gestured again for Maomao to read the papers.

Maomao accepted the gift this time, though she placed it aside for now, her attention shifting to the documents laid out before her. With a quiet sigh, she pulled up a chair and leaned over the desk, scanning the revised law with a practiced eye.

She wasn’t surprised to see how thorough he had been—Jinshi was nothing if not meticulous when it came to his work. Still, habits were habits, and she wasn’t going to take his word for it without verifying for herself.

As she read, she idly noted the state of his office. The dwindling stash of candles, the faint ink stains on his fingers, the telltale signs of sleepless nights piling up.

“You’ve been overworking yourself again,” she murmured without looking up. Her fingers tapped against the paper as she reached the end of the document, catching a minor phrasing inconsistency.

“Here,” she pointed, shifting the page slightly toward him. “This part could be clearer. It’s technically correct, but you know how officials are—they’ll twist anything that gives them an opening.”

She leaned back in her chair, studying him with narrowed eyes. “And when was the last time you slept properly?”

Jinshi ignored her questioning just long enough to see what she meant on the paper and come up with a few ways to be more meticulous and specific with it, writing the ideas briefly on a nearby page, then he focused back on Maomao to answer her questioning.

“I slept properly the last night you were bedridden from poison and accidentally passed out in my arms.” Jinshi wasn’t hiding the truth. He was being honest and open. He has nothing to hide from Maomao.

He doesn’t wish to hide, again. Not from her. He kind of likes being honest with someone, for once.

Maomao blinked at him, her fingers still resting against the document as she processed his words. Then, with an exasperated sigh, she pinched the bridge of her nose.

“That was - ,” she muttered, casting him an unimpressed look before sighing again.

Jinshi was hopeless. Absolutely hopeless. He could weave through court politics, endure the pressures of his station, and deceive an entire palace into believing he was something he was not—but when it came to basic self-care, he had all the sense of a sleep-deprived lab rat.

She exhaled, drumming her fingers against the desk before slowly, reluctantly, reaching out. Her hand found his wrist, her grip light but firm. “You’re going to make yourself collapse at this rate,” she said, tone level but edged with something softer.

She wasn’t sure what compelled her to do it—maybe it was the exhaustion on his face, or the way he seemed to relax in her presence—but before she could stop herself, she let her thumb brush over the ink stains on his skin.

“…You should rest.” It wasn’t quite an order, nor was it fully a request. Just a quiet statement, her gaze flickering to meet his.

Jinshi gave her a soft, bitter smile with a small jerky shake of his head. “This is how I rest.”

How to tell someone you love that your life, one that should be filled with endless piles of money, toys, everything anyone could ever want and need. A life of pure privilege wasn’t that at all and merely a prison. He was alone all of his life, he has the same dreams every night of being abandoned. Of being called worthless and unwanted.

How to tell the young woman he loves that he can’t sleep because he has a dream of watching his meek father get dragged away by the now empress dowager. The woman who seems kind yet strict was the reason his father died. That he dreams of the days his father feared his mother. The days his father would disappear for hours at a time. The way his mother loathed to see his face because he looked so much like his father. He knew his father wasn’t a good man, but it didn’t make the nightmares any less vivid.

Like the way she left him to be raised by Suiren and Gaoshun whom he loves dearly like they’re his own parents, but fears they will still take away the one person he’s found gives him joy and helps him feel more at peace than he’s felt in years.

With a deep, shaky breath, he shook his head. “This is the only way I can rest for hours rather than minutes.” He didn’t elaborate further. He doesn’t know how to elaborate further. All he knows, is he’s scared of nearly everything, and that of itself scares him more. He hopes Maomao understands he isn’t trying to hide from her, he’s just lost.

Maomao frowned but didn’t push him further—not yet, anyway. Instead, she gave his hand a firm squeeze, her fingers lingering just a second longer before she abruptly turned on her heel and dashed out the door. “I’ll be right back!”

Ten minutes later, she returned, slightly breathless but triumphant, holding a small vial between her fingers. Without a word, she grabbed his wrist and tugged him along, ignoring any protests as she led him back into his room.

Once there, she settled onto the couch and patted the space beside her, holding up the vial. “It’s a sleep aid,” she explained matter-of-factly. “Mild, nothing too strong. Just enough to make it easier to fall asleep.”

Her expression softened slightly as she met his gaze. “I’ll stay here to make sure there aren’t any side effects,” she added, as if daring him to argue. “So don’t try to talk your way out of it.”

Jinshi watched her go, a bit perplexed, but he shrugged and let her go, instead sitting down to complete his draft.

Maomao returned rather quickly, though, so he’d only gotten about half the way down the page before looking up with curiosity and yelping as he was suddenly dragged from his chair. He barely managed to avoid smudging the paper and ended up dropping his brush, barely blowing out the candle as they dashed out.

Upon entering his room, he watched Maomao sit on the bench to his right and pat the space next to her, explaining what she held in her hand.

A sleep aid..?

“Fall asleep, you say? What about staying asleep?” Jinshi asked, staring at the vial with a sullen gaze and glancing to the bed he so very much wanted to actually be able to properly sleep in without fear of being tormented by his personal demons again.

Maomao blinked at him, then shrugged. “I only picked the couch because it would be improper to sit beside you on the bed,” she said plainly. “But if that’s where you’re more comfortable, then it’s fine.”

She held the vial out, watching him carefully. “It should help with staying asleep too. It’s not too strong, but it’ll ease you into rest without knocking you out completely. If you wake up, I’ll still be here.”

Her voice was steady, matter-of-fact, but there was a quiet certainty in it—she wasn’t going anywhere.

Jinshi gave her a soft, fond smile and finally moved to sit next to her on the couch. He plucked the vial from her hands and held it in his own for a moment.

He waited a second before leaning in and pressing a kiss on her lips as a silent thanks for the drug.

When he pulled away, his gaze was so soft and fond..

“Thank you,” he whispered, gently brushing his thumb against her cheek before getting up as he drank the sleep aid, then sat on the bed and pat next to it. “..it’s not improper to be close to the one you’re monitoring, correct? It’s not improper to care for the man you love, either. It’s not improper to sit next to me, your lover, in a bed innocently, just to be close. It’s alright, darling. I’m sure Gaoshun and Suiren already knew this outcome would be a reality, soon enough.”

Maomao stared at him, her expression caught between exasperation and something more uncertain. “We aren’t lovers,” she stated bluntly. “I don’t know what we are, but calling us that feels… too intimate.”

She crossed her arms, eyeing him warily. “And it is improper. I’m still an unwed young woman. If I were simply monitoring you, I wouldn’t need to sit on the bed to do it.” Her tone was matter-of-fact, though there was the faintest waver in it, betraying her own hesitance.

Still, despite her words, she hadn’t immediately left or turned away from him. Instead, her gaze lingered, as if debating something internally. Then with a sigh she sat on the bed beside his head glancing down at him.” You are a stubborn child sometimes Master Ji- …Yue…”

Jinshi pouted as Maomao put him in his place, but that pout immediately melted into a charming smile as she gave in, anyways.

“I know I am. We can discuss what we are later, for now no labels are needed. Just know that I care deeply for you and will not be letting anything else I lo-“ he was cut off by a yawn, curling onto his side facing her and looking a bit like a kicked puppy.

“I love you, an’ you love me.. no labels needed..” then he passed out.

One hand, albeit unbeknownst to him, clutched tightly at Maomao’s shirt, the hem of it tangled between pale white fingers that would refuse to let go no matter who tries to pry them off.

He isn’t letting go.

Not this time.. not this one..

He did manage to sleep, with the aid, but it was far from peaceful. The medicine did its job, but it didn’t keep Jinshi’s mind free of his demons.

Guess drugs can’t fix everything.

Maomao sighed quietly, watching as Jinshi drifted off mid-sentence, his exhaustion finally winning over his stubbornness. His hand, however, remained tightly clenched around the hem of her shirt, his grip firm even in sleep.

She hesitated. A small part of her considered trying to pry his fingers loose, but something about the way he clung to the fabric—so desperate, so unwilling to let go—made her pause. With another soft exhale, she shifted, slipping off her shoes and tucking her legs beneath her as she settled more comfortably on the bed.

Carefully, she reached down, prying his fingers from the fabric of her shirt. Instead of pulling away completely, she gently guided his hand into hers, letting his fingers curl around her own. It was a compromise. He could hold onto something, and she… she could allow this much.

Just this once.

The entire night, though mostly peaceful, Jinshi still had moments where his brow would furrow and his body would flinch, but he never did wake up. Not until morning light shone through the windows and the night turned into day.

The first thing he noticed was how hard his heart beat and how shaky he felt. The second, the sweat on his brow. The third? A hand in his. A soft, yet clammy hand in his.

Although the clamminess was definitely from his own shaking hand.

He focused more aptly at the feel of the hand in his and caught his breath that way before he opened his eyes and found Maomao at his bedside.

At first he was confused. Was he sick? Did he get hurt? Why is Maomao here?

Then he remembered, and everything came crashing back into him.

Oh..

He stared at her for a few seconds before his hand began shakily pulling away from hers, his body language becoming shy and embarrassed as he sat up and turned away from Maomao.

Maomao remained where she was, still fast asleep, her head tilted slightly to the side. Her breathing was slow and even, the faintest rise and fall of her shoulders the only sign of movement.

She had clearly dozed off sometime during the night, remaining seated with her legs still tucked beneath her, though her posture had slumped slightly. A stray lock of hair had fallen loose from its usual placement, brushing against her cheek.

Even as Jinshi pulled his hand away, she didn’t stir—not yet. The exhaustion of the past few days had caught up with her, and for once, she wasn’t on high alert, fully allowing herself to rest.

Jinshi gave a small, fond smile when he saw her so peacefully sleeping. He ignored his own demons and focused on Maomao, instead.

He carefully moved her, lifting her from where she knelt on the bed to place her fully lying down in his bed. He moved to the floor nearest her head, and remained close.

She stayed by his side as he slept, now he will do the same for her.

He did get up to change, though, hiding behind the shoji screen, then returned to the floor by his bed to wait for Maomao to rise from her slumber.

Gaoshun knocked softly on the door before sliding it open, stepping inside with practiced quietness. His sharp eyes took in the scene before him—the way Jinshi sat on the floor beside the bed, uncharacteristically still, watching over the sleeping Maomao.

For a brief moment, warmth filled Gaoshun’s chest. Finally. He had watched Jinshi pine, worry, and wrestle with his feelings for so long, and now here they were. It was a sight that made him want to cheer.

Of course, he couldn’t do that.

Clearing his throat, he masked his satisfaction behind a professional demeanor. “Young Master.” His tone was quiet but firm enough to rouse Jinshi’s attention.

Then, with the slightest hint of wariness, he added, “Lakan is here. He wishes to speak with you.”

Chapter 14 Chapter Text

Jinshi looked confused and a bit pissed. Lakan wants to see him. Great.

Fuck

The timing couldn’t be a coincidence. There’s no way it would be. This has to be a trick, a master plan to get him to oust himself.

“Right. Stay with Xiaomao, please. I’ll go see what that lunatic wishes of me.” He grumbled, slowly standing and looking longingly at Maomao.

He hesitated a moment, glancing at Gaoshun and ultimately deciding it didn’t matter. He leaned down and pressed a soft, loving kiss to her sleeping forehead then turned and gave Gaoshun a respectful nod as he left for his office.

He figures that’s where the man would be. There’s no other location easiest to get ahold of Jinshi other than his office, so he has to be there.

…unattended.

Where the revised law sits unshielded on his desk since Maomao pulled him away so quickly that past night.

Jinshi hopes Gaoshun managed to slip it away before anyone could find it and read its contents to find a way to thwart his plan.

Gaoshun watched Jinshi go with a knowing expression, glancing briefly at the sleeping Maomao. That boy… He shook his head, amused but also resigned.

He had already suspected that Lakan’s arrival was no mere coincidence, and if the man caught wind of what Jinshi was planning something, it could complicate things.

Then, with one last glance at Maomao, Gaoshun positioned himself near the door. He would stay as Jinshi requested.

Lakan stood at the desk, casually flipping through the pages left behind. His sharp, calculating eyes skimmed over the words, taking in every detail with alarming speed.

When Jinshi entered, Lakan didn’t even bother looking up at first. Instead, he continued reading, his lips quirking into an amused grin.

“Giving women the authority to make and distribute medicine?” he mused, tapping a finger against the parchment. Finally, he lifted his gaze, sharp and knowing.

“What a proactive law you’re drafting here. Any particular reason for this sudden interest in reform?” His tone was teasing, but there was an undeniable weight beneath it—a challenge, a test.

Jinshi had dreaded this. He’d hoped the Emperor would’ve at least been able to see and approve of the draft before anyone else’s opinions were asked about the revised law.

Alas..

Jinshi gave a charming smile as he casually strode into the room.

“You do know it’s highly improper to snoop in another man’s office. Especially one that ranks higher than you. That could be seen as a crime. So before I answer your question, would you mind humoring me and tell me why you thought it proper to look through my things?” Even without revealing his true position, he still outranks Lakan. Lakan is merely the strategist and while he is a high ranking official and has much power within the palace, he does not outrank the Emperor’s personal Eunuch and favorite servant.

Revealing his truth would only make it even more apparent how much he outranks the man behind his desk.

Lakan grinned, utterly unfazed by Jinshi’s words. With an exaggerated motion, he bowed his head in mock deference, his tone dripping with amusement.

“Ah, yes, of course~ My sincerest apologies for my impropriety, ” he drawled, straightening with that same knowing smirk. “I was simply waiting for your arrival, you see. And, well, when one is left alone in such an important office, how could I not take a peek at the fascinating documents lying about?”

His fingers drummed against the desk as he tilted his head slightly, eyes gleaming with sharp curiosity.

“Though, I must say, it’s quite an interesting draft you have here,” he continued, voice carrying the distinct air of someone thoroughly entertained. “Such a bold reform—granting women the power to make and distribute medicine. A noble cause, really.”

Then, with a knowing chuckle, he added, “Tell me, Jinshi—does this have anything to do with my dear daughter?”

Jinshi quirked an unimpressed brow and strode farther into the office.

“What do you mean, ‘how couldn’t I not’ there’s such a thing as self control and as I see it, you have none. Therefore, you cannot be trusted in any office alone. Shall I report these findings to The Emperor? Or do we have no issues here and you’ll tell me why you’re really here?”

Jinshi wasn’t avoiding the topic. He was reacting as he normally would should this be anyone else, or should it have been any law draft upon his desk.

He should’ve been more careful. He should’ve insisted Maomao let him put it away last night. He should’ve put it away after she ran to make that sleep aid. He shouldn’t have trusted people, shouldn’t have trusted they would stay out of his office. He should’ve known better.

Under the sleeves of his robes, in order to prevent the usual finger tapping when he’s stressed, he dug his fingers into his forearms. He could feel the strength behind how hard he was clutching each arm. He wouldn’t doubt if he manages to draw blood with his nails, or mark his skin for a few hours, after this.

Lakan merely chuckled, utterly unfazed by Jinshi’s sharp words. He leaned back lazily as he took a seat, fingers still idly drumming against the arm rest as he regarded the young man before him.

“No need to get your robes in a twist, Master Jinshi,” he said smoothly, amusement dancing in his eyes. “If I had no self-control, I’d have already had the entire draft copied and sent off to some highly inconvenient parties. But as you can see, I merely read it. Not so much as a smudge on the paper.”

He let his smirk widen slightly, tilting his head. “And as for why I’m really here… well, I was curious. You see, I find it rather fascinating that the ever-diligent, ever-careful Jinshi would draft such a law—one that, if enacted, would disrupt a great many established interests.”

Lakan’s fingers finally stilled. His gaze sharpened, turning assessing.

“And it just so happens that this draft aligns quite well with a certain young woman’s field of expertise. A woman who, despite her talent, would never have the influence to push for such a reform herself.”

He leaned forward slightly, his smirk turning into something more resembling a grin.

“So tell me, Jinshi, should I take this as a noble act of governance… or as the reckless work of a man smitten ? You must know I don’t particularly care for any relationship you wish with my daughter. Frankly I don’t see you as worthy.”

Jinshi was immediately enraged.

“Not worthy? Pray tell, whatever would make any man worthy of another man’s daughter other than royalty itself. Albeit that law was initially with the intention of helping your daughter not be beheaded for her constant crafting and distributing of medications it isn’t just for her sake, either.”

Walking up to his desk, Jinshi grabbed the previous page he had, the one where a line was crossed off for not being specific enough and his revisions to the side of it.

“This is also due to the fact that the surgery to make eunuchs has been outlawed, meaning men will no longer be employed properly. This has already come to the attention of the Emperor and he ordered me to come up with a way to fix the issue since he, himself, is busy with other matters. The apothecary merely gave me an idea as she runs around helping others it proves women are just as competent as men. All we have to do, and as the law clearly states, thorough investigation to a possible candidate of employment’s background shall be thoroughly investigated. Once completed, they must pass a professionally established test and undergo months of supervised work within their respective fields. This pertains to both men and women and includes the creation of food, medicines and the distribution of such items. This is not just pertaining to women this is a revision of the entirety of our work system in this palace.” Jinshi finished, setting the papers down once he finished reading over some of the lines he’d put onto the page.

“So tell me, Master Lakan. Is this not a noble act of governance? Or merely favoritism at its finest?” Jinshi shot back, not standing down and displaying entirely different emotions than he has in his previous encounters with Lakan.

Lakan listened without interruption, his smirk gradually shifting into something more thoughtful. He rested his chin against his knuckles, watching Jinshi with an unreadable expression as the younger man spoke with undeniable passion, his words sharp and precise.

Then, slowly, Lakan exhaled a quiet chuckle, shaking his head.

“My, my. Aren’t you quite the idealist?” he mused, tapping his fingers against the desk again. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you actually believe in this… rather than simply playing the role of a dutiful servant.”

His sharp gaze flickered over Jinshi’s posture, the way his hands gripped the papers, the tension coiled in his body. Oh, this was personal .

“…But I suppose it doesn’t matter, does it? Because regardless of whether it stems from noble governance or personal sentiment, you are willing to fight for it.”

Lakan leaned back, crossing his arms. His smirk returned, but this time it was laced with something knowing, something quietly satisfied.

“Very well. I won’t stand in your way, Master Jinshi,” he said, his tone lighter now, as if this had all been a mere test. “Though I must warn you… those who seek to change the rules of the world rarely do so unchallenged.”

Then, with a pointed look, he added, “And if you think I’m difficult, just wait until the court hears of this.”

Jinshi sighed with a shake of his head. “I already know change is hard to induce, but what must be done, must be done. We’ll see how the court holds up when everything goes to shambles after losing eunuchs from retirement and health complications. Currently, the way things are run, we’re bound to be short staffed and merely having female attendants and cleaners in the palace while our armies are full and plentiful yet not a soul to produce medications and care for those who fall ill. What do you propose happens then? Once we’re drowning in starvation and illness due to lack of staffing to the kitchens, pharmacies and clinics?”

Jinshi moved around the desk and sat in his chair, folding his fingers together and resting his chin on them, he stared darkly at Lakan.

“What would you propose the fix be? Have you another idea? One that could also save your daughter should someone figure out she’s crafting medications and fixes our staffing issues? You know it’s only a matter of time until she’s discovered, and on tops of that, you know she won’t stop. She’s too kind to ever back down when someone is ill. She jumps at almost every opportunity to help someone, especially if she has the means to do so. Please, I do request of you to think this through. If you truly knew your daughter and what she was like, you wouldn’t be fighting my proposal, let alone mocking or teasing me for it.”

Lakan’s smirk faded as he listened, his eyes narrowing slightly. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk.

“My, how serious you’ve become,” he murmured, though there was no mockery in his tone this time. He let out a slow breath, tapping his fingers against the surface of the desk in thought.

“…You’re right about one thing,” he admitted after a long pause. “Maomao will never stop. Even if it costs her everything.” His gaze flickered downward, as if recalling something distant before he scoffed lightly. “She didn’t inherit that stubbornness from me, I’ll tell you that much.”

He rolled his shoulders, exhaling.

“You want to know what I propose?” Lakan finally said, tilting his head. “I propose that you be prepared for the consequences of your actions, no matter how noble. Because if you push this through, you’ll be making more enemies than allies. Men in power do not take kindly to losing control, especially to the likes of women.”

His smirk returned, though it was smaller this time, laced with something like resignation.

“…But, I suppose I have no choice but to see where this goes, do I? You are the Emperor’s golden boy, after all.” He sighed, shaking his head. “Fine. Consider me reluctantly supportive. But if this blows up in your face, I reserve the right to say I told you so. That being said~ keep your hands off my daughter or I’ll make you wish you were made a eunuch when you were younger am I clear?”

Jinshi was expecting nothing less from Lakan’s response. Both the reluctant support and the threat to his genitalia.

“Well, lucky for you I wouldn’t be needing it, even if I still truly had it, anyways. Doesn’t matter much to me whether I’m with or without it, so have fun. Anyways, please, do leave my presence. If you haven’t noticed, I’m apparently very busy trying to upend a lot of men in power.”

Jinshi shooed the man out then focused back on completing his paperwork. He would bring this final draft to the Emperor later today. First, he has to finish writing the revised page, bring it to Maomao, Gaoshun and Suiren for further approval, then to his brother.

He hopes there’s no need to reveal himself in order to patch this th-

No. No that’s definitely going to be an outcome. Whether now or later, it will come to that. Still, he will do his best to stall it as much as possible. He quite enjoys what he has here.. he doesn’t wish to jeopardize that.

Wait-

Lakan knows he isn’t a real eunuch, but he also called Jinshi ‘golden boy’ so.. does he know? Or has he not a clue and is just messing with Jinshi?

Golden boy implies he still believes Jinshi the Emperor’s favorite, yet saying he will cut off what Jinshi has explicitly and meticulously enforced he doesn’t have implies he knows more than he’s letting on. Both terms are so contradicting, Jinshi hasn’t a clue what’s true.

There’s no way this man knows. No, Jinshi knows for a fact Lakan doesn’t know his true status, just that he’s a worker at the palace. Maybe he believes Jinshi became a palace worker after the banning of eunuchs and merely rose to power because the emperor liked him? Or he’s worked for the palace for years and wasn’t forced to lose his genitalia because of young age, then grew up and the ban was placed before he could go through with the surgery? His true status is carefully hidden. No one knows the truth.

Not even Lakan. This Jinshi knows for a fact.

So what made him threaten that?

Lakan chuckled as he rose from his seat, stretching his arms dramatically before turning toward the door. “Yes, yes, I’ll leave you to your noble efforts,” he said, waving a hand lazily over his shoulder. “But do tell Maomao to visit me soon, won’t you? I’d like to see my dear daughter and make sure she hasn’t been completely swept up in your grand schemes.”

His tone was light, teasing, but the sharpness of his gaze as he glanced back at Jinshi suggested he wasn’t just joking. With that, he stepped out, letting the door slide shut behind him without another word.

A few moments after Lakan left, Maomao stepped inside, bowing her head formally before Jinshi even had a chance to look up.

“Master Jinshi,” she greeted, her voice polite and steady. “Forgive my lack of propriety. I fell asleep in your chambers last night...”

She straightened, folding her hands in front of her as if awaiting his reprimand—or, more likely, his usual teasing. There was no hesitation in her manner, no sign that she had any idea Lakan had just been there.

Jinshi didn’t even notice Maomao entering the room. He was far more frazzled by Lakan and the man’s words that he wasn’t noticing much of anything.

His face had lowered to the floor and his leg was bouncing rather ferociously under his desk.

His breaths came a bit stuttered and he was strung high, his shoulders nearly touching his ears.

Gaoshun had followed Maomao, of course and noticed the state Jinshi was in. Like a loving father, he dashed into the room and gently tapped the table a few times to try and get Jinshi’s attention. When that didn’t work, he tried calling the man’s pseudo name. Nothing happened. So he switched.

“Zenitsu, listen to me. Hear me. Come on, focus and breathe.”

At the drop of his real name and nickname, Jinshi’s head snapped up, his gaze dark and angry.

“How do you… know that name?” He growled before realizing who it was and his eyes widened, relief flooding over him.

He collapsed on top of his desk, his breaths still a bit quick yet he was managing to calm himself, slowly.

Maomao watched the scene unfold in quiet surprise, her sharp eyes flicking between Gaoshun and Jinshi. The way Jinshi reacted— really reacted—was unlike anything she had ever seen from him before. His usual controlled demeanor had crumbled, leaving him shaken, showing weakness in a way she wasn’t sure he even realized.

She wasn’t good at this sort of thing. She wasn’t the type to coo over others, to offer soft words of comfort. But something about the way Jinshi collapsed onto the desk, the way his breath stuttered and his shoulders trembled ever so slightly, made her stomach twist uncomfortably.

After a brief hesitation, she stepped forward, moving around the desk so she was beside him. Her movements were careful, measured, as if approaching a startled animal.

Awkwardly, Maomao reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. She didn’t rub it, didn’t offer meaningless reassurances. Just let her presence be known, solid and steady.

“…Breathe slower,” she murmured, her voice quieter than usual. “You’ll only make yourself lightheaded like that.”

It wasn’t much. She wasn’t even sure if it was helpful. But it was all she knew how to offer.

Jinshi, the moment he felt her presence next to his, felt his shoulders loosen and he closed his eyes to slow his breathing entirely.

Gaoshun waited until Jinshi was calm, again, then he took note of the revised law sitting at the edge of the desk then back to Jinshi.

“What happened?” He asked, moving to step back respectfully from the moon prince.

“Lakan.. he found the law. He read it, of course, and I think he knows who I am. I don’t know how he knows, but he alluded to it.” He can’t afford to be ousted right now. He has other things he has to focus on.

Like the revised law next to his arm.

“He agrees with it for Maomao’s sake, but I know he’s still going to fight it. Or at least aspects of it. It isn’t meant to uproot any current positions, everyone currently in power shall remain and not have to take the tests since they’ve already proven themselves worthy of our trust. It is simply for new hires, or people who wish to move up in the ranks of their positions, like servant girls who would like to try their hand at a different craft. It’s merely to be a fix to the currently dwindling staffing, situation. It isn’t meant to be malicious, so why does he think it malicious intent?”

Jinshi sighed and ran a hand down his face, looking exasperated and already so tired despite having woken merely a few hours ago.

He looked not his age. He looked far older than he truly is, and much more tired than a man his age should be.

“He thought this proactive law was for selfish reasonings, and while I do admit it was what gave me the idea to do this, that isn’t why I’ve gone through with it. We truly do need a solution once the last of the eunuchs have gone. This was the best option I could think of, plus I believe that women have the same intellect as men and if they doubt that, I’d love to prove them wrong. Maybe a showcase of sorts? Find a man and a woman in the same profession at the same essential level of expertise and put them against each other. Let the council know that they’re wrong to doubt another based purely on gender.” Jinshi was grasping at straws for answers. For ideas. For a way to fix this, to make the revision go through. He’s certain there will be a day where the men will need to fight in war and women will be taking over majority of roles, anyways. It’s best to get a head start on that, one would think. Maybe that could be something he can use?

Men need to fight in war, so in order to let the men be focused on their martial arts and their physical strength, let the women help out elsewhere. Like in the clinics, and cooking, and cleaning, and all of the sorts.

Would that work..?

Jinshi’s fingers tapped on his desk as his mind ran circles trying to come up with ways to argue the parchment before him.

Maomao watched him with her usual impassive stare, though her fingers twitched against her sleeve in thought. Jinshi was overthinking again, spiraling down his own logic in circles until he trapped himself in endless possibilities. She had seen it before—far too many times —but never this badly .

“If you make a grand show of it, the council will only see it as an attempt to force them into submission.” She crossed her arms, frowning. “They don’t like being backed into a corner, even if the evidence is undeniable. Instead of giving them a spectacle, give them irrefutable proof—records of past women who have contributed significantly, even if their work was unofficial.”

She tapped the desk near the revised law. “You aren’t the first to think of this, nor the first to see the necessity of it. I’m sure the palace archives have records of women who have been essential to medicine, cooking, and other fields but were never formally recognized. Find them. Present them not as an argument, but as historical precedent.”

Her eyes flicked to him, sharp as ever. “If you make them think it was always meant to be this way, they’ll fight it less.”

Gaoshun, who had been watching silently, gave an approving nod. “She’s right, you know.” He smiled faintly. “The court may be stubborn, but they respect history. If you frame this as a return to traditions rather than a radical change, they will be more inclined to accept it.”

He stepped forward and picked up the law draft, skimming the contents before setting it back down. “As for Lakan…” His expression turned serious. “I doubt he truly knows who you are. If he did, he wouldn’t have spoken so lightly about it. But he suspects —and that is dangerous enough.”

Gaoshun exhaled, his brows furrowing. “You will need to tread carefully with him, Master Jinshi. He is not an enemy, but he is also not someone easily swayed. Keep your guard up, and do not let him push you into revealing what he does not already know.”

He gave a small, reassuring smile. “We’ll handle this together. As we always do.”

Jinshi nodded at their advice, then decided it best to do just that now rather than later.

“I’ll present the finished revised report to the Emperor, then I’ll go searching the archives. The evidence is most certainly buried, but if it’s in existence, I’m not letting any stone not be upturned.”

Sighing, Jinshi grabbed the rewritten law and placed it between two other pages before he went for the door. He expected Gaoshun to follow him, as he always does, but he did pause in the doorway.

“Apothecary? Please do be careful in the meantime. Can’t have you getting caught before the law gets passed. It would certainly make all of this more difficult. Stay safe.” Jinshi said, a hesitancy in his steps as he watched Maomao stand in his office.

He wants so bad to kiss her head before he leaves her to it, or to hold and hug her tightly before he leaves, but..

Jinshi forced himself to turn and walk away, his usual charming persona snapping back into its rightful place.

Maomao remained still as Jinshi left, her sharp eyes lingering on his back. She had seen the hesitation in his step, the fleeting moment where his expression softened before he forced himself back into that carefully constructed persona.

She huffed. Hopeless.

Before she could fully consider the reasoning behind her actions, she stepped after him, closing the distance in a few brisk strides.

“You will be searching through the archives, correct?” Her tone was neutral, but her pace matched his, staying just a step behind. “If you are looking for records on women’s contributions, then it is only logical for me to assist. You lack knowledge of medicinal terminology for those records. I do not.”

She crossed her arms, lifting her chin. “It would be inefficient to do it alone.”

It was a flimsy excuse at best—Jinshi was meticulous and capable, and she knew he would find what he needed eventually. But the idea of him sifting through all that information without guidance irritated her more than she cared to admit.

Besides… she had no desire to sit idle while he stirred up trouble for the sake of others. If he was going to be reckless, she might as well be there to clean up after him.

Jinshi paused and looked over his shoulder at Maomao when she suggested helping. He fought off the smile that tried to tug at his features and gave a small nod of his head.

“Of course. You’re right. How foolish of me to not invite someone who fits both criteria of the new revision to the law. Come along, then. To the emperor first, then we may head to the archives.”

Jinshi then led the way to the Emperor, bowing to the man before approaching and inviting Maomao to join him in the Emperor’s office space.

Gaoshun shut the door behind the trio and stood guard just outside it to make sure no one came by and no one eavesdropped on the conversation.

“M’lord, I come to present to you the third draft of the revised law for you to look over. I too am on my way to collect evidence supporting this law in the hopes of further convincing the council of its necessity and ability to work in the empires favor.”

The Emperor took the parchment from Jinshi’s hands, his expression unreadable as he read through the revised law. He didn’t speak at first, merely taking his time to absorb the details, his sharp gaze flicking between lines as if weighing each word with careful consideration.

After the third read-through, a low hum of approval rumbled in his throat. He set the document down on his desk and folded his hands over it.

“There is no need for further evidence, Jinshi,” the Emperor finally said, his tone even but resolute. “I have seen firsthand what women are capable of. The apothecary standing beside you is proof enough, but I have also heard of others—women who have quietly shaped our empire with their skills, despite the restrictions placed upon them.” He exhaled slowly, leaning back in his chair. “The council will grumble, as they always do when their power is challenged. But I am the head and heart of this empire, and I have made my decision. Those who openly oppose this law will be dealt with accordingly.”

His lips curled into something amused, and his gaze flicked between Jinshi and Maomao with a knowing glint. “That being said, Jinshi… have you finally taken this one as your consort yet? I’d rather not have to arrange it myself.”

Maomao immediately stiffened, her fingers twitching before she quickly clasped her hands together and bowed her head in deep respect.

“Your Majesty, please do not tease..” she said, voice as composed as she could manage despite the heat creeping up her neck. She knew better than to openly react to such provocations, but the Emperor’s pointed teasing was something she had yet to develop a tolerance for.

She did not dare glance at Jinshi. She could already feel whatever expression he was making.

Jinshi flushed and rolled his eyes. “No, brother, she has not become my consort. I would never force that upon her, it’s entirely her choice. I did tell her the truth, though, so no need to hide what you truly wish to say to me.”

There were no more secrets between him and Maomao. Not anything intentional, at least. She’s his partner as much as she is his servant, in his eyes. He won’t let his status be the reason she cannot be by his side. Even if she has to pretend to just be his personal servant, not to be used by others unless requested of him.

…actually, no. That sounds more like a slave and he’d never do that to her. She’s too independent and precious to him to ever do such a thing.

“I will inform you, though, that Lakan has seen the revision and has voiced his concerns. I do suggest being careful. I’d much rather not lose family over trying to fix issues and being more proactive. Since making that school for servants to learn when they leave our walls, there have been whispers. Of your incompetence for allowing such a thing. I fear this too will just make matters worse.”

Actually the whispers were about Jinshi rather than the Emperor, but his brother was far more important. Jinshi isn’t about to let them go after the Emperor himself. That one assassination attempt was proof enough that the culprits were after him instead of the Emperor.

The Emperor let out a soft chuckle at Jinshi’s flustered response, clearly entertained. He leaned his cheek against his hand, his golden eyes twinkling with mirth.

“Ah, brother, you wound me,” he mused. “I never suggested forcing her into anything. But I do wonder how much longer you plan to dance around the inevitable.” He glanced at Maomao then, eyes sharp yet amused. “And you, little apothecary, are you truly content to remain a mere servant when my brother clearly sees you as something more?”

Maomao stiffened but did not allow her expression to change. Instead, she bowed her head again, hands folded neatly in front of her.

“I am simply fulfilling my duties, Your Majesty,” she said smoothly, but there was a barely noticeable pause before she added, “Whatever ..those may be….”

The Emperor smirked but let the topic go, his amusement giving way to a more serious demeanor when Jinshi brought up Lakan. He listened carefully, drumming his fingers against the desk in thought.

“Lakan is a cunning man,” the Emperor acknowledged. “He will not oppose me outright, but he will plant seeds of doubt in others. Even so, let them whisper, let them grumble—this law will pass.” His voice carried the weight of absolute authority, the kind that left no room for argument.

He leaned forward, his gaze sharp. “As for you, Jinshi, do not concern yourself with my safety. If anything, you are the one in danger. That assassination attempt was meant for you, not me if you remember.” His fingers tapped once against the desk, a silent warning. “Be cautious. The council may sneer at this reform, but some among them will see it as a threat to their power. They will not sit idly by.”

Maomao glanced at Jinshi out of the corner of her eye, her brows furrowing slightly. She knew he was good at keeping his emotions in check, but she also knew how deeply he cared. He was willing to shoulder burdens alone, even when he didn’t have to.

“If they come after Master Jinshi, they should know he isn’t as defenseless as he appears,” she said, her voice neutral but edged with quiet certainty. “If anything, they should be afraid.”

The Emperor smirked at that, clearly pleased. “Well said, little apothecary.” He then waved a dismissive hand. “Go. You have delivered the revision. And Jinshi—” his gaze softened just a fraction, brotherly warmth shining through, “—do not be reckless. Ah but I do expect to hear of a wedding soon!”

Jinshi sighed with a shake of his head. “There’s no need to concern yourself with my safety, either, brother. Also please do call me by my name if you insist so adamantly that I call you brother in private. There’s no need for the alias I go by whilst behind closed doors.”

Jinshi then turned to leave, only to stiffen and whip back around to face his brother. “Majesty!? Pardon me, but that is highly inappropriate. We have not nearly known each other long enough for such a thing, and while I do admit the gifts I give are more than just gifts, they are not meant to imply marriage. So, please, do stay in your own lane and visit your own concubines instead of messing with my relationships.”

With that he began to leave again, only to pause just before he could completely leave. “It is nice to know you approve, dear brother.” Then he was gone from the room, office door shut behind him and Maomao in tow, Gaoshun hurrying to catch up.

Maomao’s face burned with embarrassment, and she refused to meet anyone’s gaze as she trailed behind Jinshi.

Her fingers twitched at her sides, itching to grasp at her sleeves or fiddle with the edge of her outer robe—anything to occupy her hands and distract her from the mortifying conversation that had just transpired.

It was one thing for Gaoshun to tease Jinshi in private, but for the Emperor to do so so openly, and in front of her no less… She could feel her ears burning.

Her voice, when she finally managed to speak, was stiff and clipped.

“I would appreciate it if His Majesty refrains from making such… unfounded implications in the future.”

The words were meant to sound composed, but the tightness in her tone betrayed her.

Marriage? Marriage!? What nonsense was that!? She knew Jinshi was far too indulgent with her, but she hadn’t once thought of his gifts in that manner!

Had she?

No, no, that wasn’t the point. The point was that the Emperor should not be making such ridiculous statements!

She huffed softly, forcing herself to take a calming breath before adding, “And you—” her eyes flicked toward Jinshi, still avoiding his face, “—should stop reacting so obviously. You only encourage him when you let yourself be so flustered.”

Her voice was dry, but the slight tremor in it betrayed that she was still flustered as well.

Jinshi stopped mid-step when he was suddenly addressed so aggressively and his face resembled that of a constipated man. “I-.. huh!?”

Jinshi huffed and crossed his arms, glaring at Maomao like she’d just offended his prized horse.

“Excuse me, but that is the Emperor, I cannot control what he says nor what he does. He will never stop from flustering me that’s just how he is. I do apologize that he did so in front of you and will speak with him on the matter, but that does not mean I can make him stop.”

Jinshi shook his head and turned for his office. “Now, I have work to do and as much as I adore spending time with you and having you close, young apothecary, I will leave you to calm from your own flustered state. Your red cheeks give you away, as well. I am not the only one who makes it painfully obvious that such comments affect oneself.” He said as he turned and walked towards his office, his hands buried under his sleeves and back to digging into those crescent shaped indents still in his arms from Lakan’s conversation with him earlier.

The Emoeror was right, of course. Not only about Jinshi adoring the idea of marrying Maomao at some future date, but of the assassination attempts.

The ceremony.. it really was an elaborate plan to take him out. He wasn’t sure his proactive movement was to blame for his being a target, but it’s all he could go on. Still, he’d rather himself be the target and not the Emperor himself.

Still.. who could be behind it..?

~~It briefly crossed his mind that the Empress Dowager could be at fault, considering her distaste for his father and his striking resemblance to the man, but alas, that would be preposterous.~~

Right..?

Chapter 15 Chapter Text

Maomao narrowed her eyes at Jinshi’s retreating figure, her lips pressing into a thin line.

How utterly typical of him—to turn things around on her as if she were the one acting foolishly.

She exhaled sharply through her nose, willing the heat in her cheeks to fade.

“If you know you can’t control what His Majesty says, then at the very least, don’t engage with his teasing,” she muttered under her breath, more to herself than to him.

Still, as much as she hated to admit it, he was right—she had reacted too strongly. And Jinshi, being Jinshi, had wasted no time in pointing it out.

She sighed, rubbing her temples before quickening her pace to catch up.

“Master Jinshi,” she called, voice more composed now. “If you plan to return to your office, do you want tea to be brought in? Or should I have food prepared?”

It was her own way of shifting the conversation away from their earlier embarrassment, but also…

She had seen the way his hands had disappeared into his sleeves—how tense his shoulders were, how deep in thought he had suddenly become.

Something was still weighing on him.

If he wasn’t going to say what it was, then at the very least, she could make sure he had something warm to drink while he brooded.

Jinshi glanced over his shoulder at Maomao, pausing his steps and giving her a gentle smile.

“No, that’s quite alright. I’ll be fine.” He said with a small smile. He turned and continued on to his office space.

A drink did sound nice and he doesn’t remember when he last ate something, but he has other things to do.

So he didn’t request anything, turned down Maomao’s suggestion and continued to his office. Gaoshun following just behind him after giving Maomao an exasperated look.

“Bring him both. I’m unsure when he last ate and drank anything. He will need them.” Then he was gone, chasing after Jinshi to watch over him as he has since the boy was much, much younger.

Maomao watched the two men disappear down the hall, exhaling through her nose in irritation.

Honestly.

Did Jinshi think she wouldn’t bring him food and tea just because he turned it down?

She had been his servant for how long now? If he believed she was the type to just accept his self-neglect, then he clearly hadn’t been paying attention.

With a resigned shake of her head, she turned on her heel and made her way toward the kitchens.

She would prepare something simple but nourishing—something that wouldn’t be too heavy if he was too stubborn to eat properly, but filling enough that he wouldn’t collapse in the middle of his work.

She muttered under her breath as she walked, “If he doesn’t eat it himself, I’ll find a way to force it down his throat.”

Gaoshun’s exasperation was entirely justified.

Gaoshun followed as Jinshi hurried off to the outer palace where his office was and watched as the young man collapsed into the chair of his desk.

“Gaoshun,” Jinshi started, pulling out his paperwork for the day, “..am I being too harsh with the apothecary? Or too pushy? She seems rather upset at me more often than not, lately.”

Gaoshun gave Jinshi a thoughtful look, then shook his head. “That is something you should ask her, not me. While I personally believe you’re a bit much, sometimes, she’s still here, so I would suggest maybe backing off a little? Although again, I do suggest asking her instead of me.”

Maomao entered the office quietly, balancing a tray of tea and food with practiced ease. She didn’t announce herself, simply setting the tray down on Jinshi’s desk with a soft clink.

For a moment, she just stared at him, watching the way his fingers twitched slightly over his paperwork, the way his shoulders carried a tension that never fully left him.

Then, with a sharp inhale, she turned her gaze to Gaoshun. “May I speak to Master Jinshi alone?” she asked, her tone polite but firm.

—

Gaoshun blinked at her, then at Jinshi, before exhaling through his nose. He gave Jinshi a long, meaningful look—one that all but begged him to actually talk and not just dance around whatever this was.

“…Of course,” he said finally, dipping his head. “I’ll be right outside.”

With that, he stepped out, shutting the door gently behind him.

Jinshi startled a bit as the tea and food were placed on his desk and he looked at it confused for a moment. He didn’t immediately reach for it, just watched the liquid slowly settle from the movement.

Then, as Gaoshun left the room, Jinshi gave him a bit of a helpless look. He was very silently begging Gaoshun to stay.

Alas, the man left anyways and left Jinshi alone with Maomao and a fleeting look of ‘talk it out’..

Rude..

Clearing his throat, he turned to Maomao and gave her a charming grin. “What matter is it you wish to speak with me on?”

Maomao sighed, folding her arms for a brief moment before shaking her head. “You’re doing that thing again,” she muttered.

She hesitated, then slowly reached out, taking his hand in hers. Her fingers were small but steady, her grip hesitant yet firm.

Crouching down beside his chair, she peered up at him, her expression as close to concerned as she could manage. “You seem upset,” she said quietly. “I would… like it if you told me what’s wrong.”

Jinshi looked at Maomao and just stared at her for a moment before giving a small, gentle smile. He shook his head, squeezed her hand and turned back to his desk.

He didn’t release her, keeping his fingers tangled with hers as he focused back on his paperwork. She held his writing hand, but that didn’t matter too much. He could still read the reports over a few times to make sure they were signature worthy. Then he doesn’t have to let go, nor does he have to explain the many, many thoughts and feelings running their course through his chest.

There was so much happening in his head.. he’s barely focusing on the paper as theories and ideas and fears plagued his every thought.

Who could be behind the assassination attempts and was someone else a target too? Or is it just him? Jinshi hopes it’s just himself. He doesn’t want anyone else getting harmed in his stead, or alongside him.

What if his presence around those he cares for is putting them in danger too, though..? He can’t just run and hide from each of them to protect them, his status doesn’t allow for that. He might be able to continuously send Gaoshun on errands to keep him at arms length and maybe the same with Maomao? Although Suiren won’t let herself be pushed away and when they figure it out both Gaoshun and Maomao would have his head.

….well, maybe not Maomao. He still doesn’t know if love, for her, means the same as it does to him.

Jinshi didn’t notice the way his fingers not tangled with Maomao’s began tapping a random beat upon the mahogany of his desk.

Maomao let out a quiet sigh, watching Jinshi’s expression shift between focus and deep, tangled thoughts. He wasn’t reading the reports—his eyes were moving, but he wasn’t seeing anything.

She shifted her weight, resting an elbow on the desk’s edge, and without much thought, she reached out, her fingers brushing lightly against his cheek.

It was hesitant at first, but when he didn’t flinch away, she let her thumb slowly trace over his skin, trying to coax him back to the present. “Master Ji- Yue…,” she murmured, voice softer than usual. “You’re doing it again.”

Her gaze flickered down to his free hand, fingers tapping out a restless rhythm. She didn’t pull her hand away from his cheek. Instead, she pressed just a little closer, trying to pull him out of whatever storm was raging in his mind. “…You don’t have to tell me everything,” she continued, quieter still. “But at least let me help. Unless sitting here with you will be more useful than talking.”

Jinshi was so startled by Maomao’s actions, he completely lost track of his thoughts.

The warmth of her hand on his cheek and the way she’s looking at him so tenderly.. it’s making his heart stutter and his cheeks warm up.

His fingers stop tapping and his eyes lock with hers, but after a bit of just staring, his mind finally catches up to him and he pulls away a little.

“Just.. concern about the assassination attempt. I fear others may be targeted to get to me. Since you and Gaoshun foiled the last attempt, I fear you both may be on the list of targets to make killing me easier. I also fear if they are not stopped soon, then chaos will erupt within the palace and there’s already too much happening between the concubines with those few poison mishaps. I fear of who the culprits may be, there are a couple I suspect, but I’m unsure how true they can be, or if speaking them aloud is even wise. There’s so much happening.. I fear for so many people’s lives, I fear I may lose those close to me in the process, I fear the palace will go down in ruins because of my incompetence.. I fear. I’m afraid. I haven’t been this afraid since I was far younger than I am now..”

Maomao listened in silence, her hand still lingering in the space where Jinshi had pulled away. She could feel the weight of his words, the way his fear wasn’t just for himself but for those around him. For the people he cared about.

She exhaled softly, lowering her hand to the desk between them. “Fear isn’t incompetence,” she murmured, her voice steady despite the unusual tenderness behind her words. “It means you care. That you’re thinking ahead. If anything, it makes you more competent than half the people running around this palace.”

Her fingers tapped against the wood idly before she looked up at him again, sharper this time. “As for me and Gaoshun… do you think we’re so easy to get rid of?” Her lips twitched just slightly, not quite a smirk, but something close. “You should know better by now.”

Then, after a brief pause, her expression softened once more. “You don’t have to handle everything on your own, Master Jinshi. That’s what Gaoshun is for. That’s…” She hesitated, then continued, voice quieter. “That’s what I’m here for too.”

Jinshi looked at Maomao blankly for a moment then sighed and lowered his head to the desk tiredly.

“Right. Yes. Not alone. I know.” He certainly feels like he should be, though..

“I’m glad to have you. Both you and Gaoshun.” But if he wants to keep them safe, he needs to find a way to occupy them with other dealings and not put them in harms way.

Or.. well, if one of his theories on who the culprits may be is correct, then Maomao may be safe and wouldn’t be targeted. Gaoshun, on the other hand.. is closer to him..

He could very well be a target and Jinshi can’t have that..

Maomao watched him for a long moment, the way he seemed to shrink against the desk, burdened by things he wasn’t saying. She wasn’t a fool. She could tell when someone was holding back, and Jinshi—despite all his charms and carefully constructed facades—was an open book when he was like this.

“…Don’t start trying to push people away,” she finally said, voice low but firm. “You do that when you think it’ll protect them…I’ve noticed that..” Her fingers twitched against the desk as she considered her next words carefully. “If you’re planning something, if you think there’s a way to handle this without involving others… at least let Gaoshun and myself in on it.”

She didn’t reach for him again, but she didn’t look away either. “I can’t stop you from keeping secrets, but I will be very irritated if I find out you’re being an idiot about it.”

Jinshi just pouted at Maomao, then pulled away, his cheeks warm. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. May I go back to my work now?”

Jinshi didn’t wait for a response, he just pulled back from Maomao with one final squeeze to her hand and focused back on his work.

He forced his mind to clear so he could focus, but he got distracted after a few other papers. He began coming up with more possible culprits, but none of the names that come to mind have any real motive. He’s lost and confused yet still trying to clear his mind and drown himself in work to ignore his fears.

After another two papers, he manages to do just that, entirely focused on his work and nothing else, the tea and food Maomao brought going cold and untouched.

Maomao hesitated, her fingers curling against her palm as she debated whether or not to reach for him again. He had already dismissed her concerns, had turned away with that forced focus of his, drowning himself in his work as if sheer willpower alone would silence everything else.

But the untouched food and tea spoke volumes. The slight tension in his shoulders, the way his fingers clenched too tightly around the papers… she couldn’t just leave him like this.

So, swallowing down her own hesitation, she slowly—oh so slowly—reached out again, her fingers trembling slightly as they brushed against his cheek. Her touch was firmer this time, insistent, guiding his face toward hers until their eyes met.

“…Please,” she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper, but the weight of it undeniable. “Just take a break. Even for a moment.”

Then, before she could second-guess herself, she moved. She slipped between him and the desk, perching sideways in his lap, her body tense as she settled there. Her face felt unbearably hot, but she held her ground, clasping her hands in her lap to keep them from fidgeting.

“I-I apologize for being so forward,” she mumbled, glancing away for a brief second before forcing herself to meet his gaze again. “But you weren’t listening.”

Jinshi flinched and tried to pull away when he gentle hand cupped his cheek ~~unworthy, he’s unworthy, stop with the gentle touches~~, but he froze entirely as she pressed between him and the desk.

She perched herself sideways in his lap and he was far stiffer than before, his arms awkwardly just in the air away from her. He was so baffled he didn’t move for a moment, but when he did, it was to wrap his arms securely around her waist.

Slowly, his head dropped to her shoulder and he clutched her tighter to his chest. His breath shuddered as he cradled her in his lap.

“Apothecary..” He whispered against her shoulder, “..Why?”

He doesn’t specifically know what he’s asking why for.

Why did she choose to sit in his lap? Why is she being so gentle with him? Why does she care? Why does she choose to stay? ~~Why does she love him?~~

He hasn’t a clue. He wishes he could specify, but he can’t. So he just shakes his head minutely and holds her tighter.

Maomao remained still for a moment, feeling the tension in Jinshi’s frame, the way he hesitated before wrapping his arms around her. His breath was unsteady against her shoulder, his grip tight, like he was afraid she’d slip away if he didn’t hold on hard enough.

Her chest ached.

She wasn’t good at this—comforting people. She was better with medicines, with solutions that had clear steps and predictable results. But this? This was unknown territory, yet… she couldn’t bring herself to pull away.

So instead, she let her fingers trail up, combing through the strands of his hair with careful, soothing motions. Her other hand found his back, tracing slow, repetitive circles against the fabric of his robes, grounding him in the moment.

“You ask ‘why,’ but there are too many answers,” she murmured, voice uncharacteristically soft. “If you mean why I’m here, it’s because you won’t take care of yourself, so someone has to. If you mean why I care… isn’t that obvious by now?”

She let out a quiet sigh, shifting slightly in his lap. “You are always worrying for others, carrying the weight of everything alone. Even when you’re the one in pain, you still think of everyone else first. It’s… exhausting to watch.”

A beat of silence passed between them. Then, with more certainty than before, she gently cupped both of his cheeks, tilting his face up toward her.

Maomao hesitated, then slowly, carefully, pulled him closer and pressed a feather-light kiss to his forehead.

“If you won’t let yourself rest,” she murmured against his skin, “then I’ll just have to make you.”

Jinshi tightened his hold as her fingers trailed through his long, dark hair. As her fingers brushed gentle, random shapes into his back. Jinshi curled tighter around Maomao, his face burying deeper into her shoulder as she answered his question to the best of her ability with what she was provided.

‘..why I’m here.. because you won’t take care of yourself..’

That makes sense.. but at the same time, why would she care about that?

Of course that’s what she answers next and the response is so incredibly.. basic, it makes Jinshi flinch.

“Of course I care for others first. It’s my duty..” he whispered, only to freeze as she pulled his face up.

He was a bit startled at the contact and way she forced his head up. It wasn’t entirely up, she didn’t make him actually look at her. She didn’t make Jinshi reveal the way his face was wet with tears.

She just pressed a gentle brush of her lips against his forehead and kept her soft hands covering the tear tracks on his cheeks.

Why can’t he breathe? He isn’t panicking, is he? Or is it because of her? She’s in his lap, in his arms, did he miss his medicine? He doesn’t feel excited, physically, so it isn’t that. Is he just..? He doesn’t understand what his body is trying to tell him. Trying to scream at him.

“I’m sorry you have to see me like this. Twice in one day, too. Tch.. pathetic..”

Maomao frowned, her grip on his cheeks tightening just slightly, just enough to make him feel it. Her thumbs brushed over the dampness on his skin, her eyes scanning his face—taking in the exhaustion, the doubt, the way he flinched from his own emotions like they were something to be ashamed of.

She let out a quiet sigh. “I don’t see anything pathetic.”

Her voice was firm but not unkind.

“You think it’s weak to let yourself feel things?” she asked, tilting her head slightly. “You think I’d look at you differently just because you’re overwhelmed? That I’d think any less of you?”

She clicked her tongue, unimpressed. “You act as if I don’t work with crying patients all the time. Emotions aren’t a sign of weakness, Jinshi. They’re just proof that you’re human.”

Her hands lingered on his face for a moment longer before she let them slip away, instead pressing her palm gently over his chest, feeling the rapid rhythm of his heartbeat.

“You don’t need to apologize for being tired,” she murmured. “You don’t need to apologize for being. ”

Then, a little softer, her fingers curled slightly against his robes.

“And you don’t need to carry everything alone…I believe…partners do things together right?”

Jinshi’s breath hitched in his throat.

‘I believe partners do things together, right?’

Right..

Partners..

“Is that what we are? Partners?” Jinshi wasn’t being condescending. His voice was genuinely curious.. like that of a young boy whose was very unsure of themselves, or hurt and shy.

There’s was still the occasional tear slipping from his eyes, but he forced himself to try and remain calm.

Despite Maomao’s words, growing up hadn’t been easy and he had to learn quickly to hide the way he truly felt. He had to learn to carry his own issues and not force them upon others. He was taught to care for those around him, to not find favorites, to not favor one thing above another and lose sight of the bigger picture. He had to grow up rapidly and had no time for real attachment, for real emotions.

He wasn’t allowed that luxury, but here in the confines of his office, with his favorite little apothecary in his arms and in his lap, safe, alive, and warm, he couldn’t help himself as he clung to her. His favorite toy turned favorite person. He’s grown so very attached to her.

It’s dangerous.

With a slow, shaky inhaler, he leaned into her hands a bit more, then pulled back again. “I don’t get the luxury to be human. Nor does my brother. Unfortunate, yet true nonetheless..”

Maomao hesitated, her fingers twitching slightly where they rested against his chest. She could feel his heartbeat—rapid, unsteady—but she wasn’t sure if it was because of her words or something else entirely.

His response made her wary. There was no mockery in his tone, no amusement at her choice of words. Just quiet curiosity. And something else, something more fragile than she was used to seeing from him.

“I… I just meant that you don’t have to do everything alone,” she said, choosing her words carefully.

Her hands, unsure of where they belonged, slowly slipped away, resting awkwardly in her lap. She could still feel the warmth of his skin against her fingertips, the way he had leaned into her touch before retreating just as quickly.

She wasn’t sure what to say to his last words. That he didn’t have the luxury to be human. That his brother didn’t either. It wasn’t something she could argue with—she knew how the palace worked, how people in their positions had to be more than just people. She knew that attachments were dangerous.

But that didn’t mean she liked it.

Maomao exhaled slowly, then lowered her gaze, staring at her hands as she clasped them together.

“…Sorry,” she murmured after a moment. She wasn’t entirely sure what she was apologizing for—her choice of words, the way she’d touched him so freely, the fact that she wasn’t quite sure what he wanted.

Either way, she shrank back slightly, suddenly unsure if she had overstepped. Even attempting to move off of his lap lest she risks embarrassing herself more…she shouldn’t have tried to touch him so freely, she had thought given their earlier experiences in the orchard that maybe this was wanted but its becoming clear she misunderstood his affections clearly.

The moment Maomao tried to escape his grasp, true panic lanced through his chest and his arms held her securely in his lap. Everything about him was back to being stiff and panicked and he just clutched her so much closer to himself.

He felt like his father, in that moment. Only he wasn’t afraid of people, or specifically women older than him.. he was afraid of losing someone he cherishes and someone he wants by his side forever.

His face buried back into her shoulder and the softest of sobs escaped his lips. It was a foreign sound to him, the last time he’d sobbed like that had been.. gods, he doesn’t even remember when. It startled him and made him immediately clamp his mouth shut.

“No. No, don’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, don’t go. Don’t go.” He feels even more pathetic than before. He crumbled over her trying to escape his hold. He’s panicking over something that should be so minuscule. He hates it.

Maomao froze.

Jinshi’s arms locked around her, pulling her back in before she could fully retreat, his grip almost desperate. His body trembled against hers, stiff with panic, and then—

Then she heard it.

A sound so soft, so foreign, she almost thought she had imagined it.

A sob.

Her breath caught in her throat. Jinshi never cried. Not in front of her. Not in front of anyone. And yet, here he was—burying himself against her shoulder, clinging to her as though she might disappear if he let go.

She barely even registered his words at first, the repeated, pleading don’t go, don’t go —the raw emotion in them felt too much, too overwhelming.

She hesitated, fingers twitching in her lap.

Then, slowly, ever so slowly, she reached out again.

Her hands cupped his cheeks, trembling just slightly as her thumbs brushed away the tears that slipped down his face. His skin was warm, damp beneath her touch, his breath uneven and shaky.

Her heart ached at the sight.

She swallowed, unsure if this was the right thing to do, but before she could overthink it, she leaned in, pressing a soft, fleeting kiss against the tear-streaked skin just beneath his eye.

Then another.

She could feel his lashes flutter against her lips, could feel the way his breath hitched at the contact.

“…I’m not going anywhere,” she murmured against his cheek, barely above a whisper.

Her hands remained steady, cradling his face as if he might shatter if she let go.

Jinshi’s breath hitched as she began kissing his face and his arms loosened, just enough to give her freedom to move closer on her own.

He didn’t pull back, he didn’t stop her. His eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into every sign of affection he could get.

He craved it far more than he’d ever craved anything in his life. He wants more, he needs more. Just soft, gentle touches. Soft gentle love, careful brushes of skin upon skin. He doesn’t want anything but to hold her close under sheets in a bed, pressed together and resting. He doesn’t want anything but to feel her against him in the non-sexual way.

That’s far more dangerous than any thought he’s had about her previous this one, and that’s the most terrifying thing of all.

Maomao hesitated only for a moment.

Jinshi wasn’t stopping her. If anything, he was leaning into her touch, his breathing uneven, his body trembling beneath her hands. His arms had loosened just enough to allow her freedom, but he wasn’t letting go.

He doesn’t want to let go.

She swallowed hard. She wasn’t good with words—not for things like this. She didn’t know how to say what she was feeling, didn’t know how to make him understand —so instead, she let her actions speak for her.

Her lips brushed his cheek once more, softer this time, lingering just for a second longer before she pulled back.

“…my apologies..” she whispered. “For being so forward again.”

But before he could respond—before he could say anything at all—she pressed her lips to his.

A barely-there touch, fleeting and hesitant, yet filled with every word she couldn’t say.

Chapter 16 Chapter Text

Jinshi’s breath caught in his throat, again, as her lips pressed against his. It took him a moment to process what was happening, just like the first time, but he didn’t push her away. He leaned in and pressed back, his arms pulling her flush against his chest, again.

He wants to stay like this. He never wants this to end. Danger, it’s dangerous. He can’t do this to himself. He’s going to end up crushed when she inevitably decides she can’t do this and leaves. He’s so afraid of letting her go..

Unbeknownst to him, when those thoughts surfaced, his arms tightened more around her and his head tilted to both deepen the kiss and pull her impossibly closer.

Maomao felt his heartbeat beneath her palms—rapid, uneven, matching her own.

The realization sent a strange warmth flooding through her, something unfamiliar yet not unwelcome. So he’s just as affected by this as I am…

Her fingers twitched against the fabric of his robes before slowly—hesitantly—sliding up. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, crossing behind his neck, pulling herself closer just as his hold on her tightened.

The way she was seated in his lap was awkward, her body twisting slightly to fit against him, but she didn’t mind. She wasn’t about to pull away.

Instead, she let herself relax into his embrace, let the kiss deepen as their bodies pressed flush together. Her heart was still racing, her thoughts a mess, but for once—just this once—she wasn’t going to overanalyze.

She was just going to feel.

That’s what one does in this situation, right?

Jinshi hummed into the kiss, feeling as his body began to melt into the back of his chair, Maomao still clutched against his chest tightly.

He wasn’t letting go. He wasn’t pulling back. He couldn’t. He needs her. He needs her more than anything, and as terrifying as that is, he won’t let this go. He’s won’t let her go.

Jinshi’s fingers clutched tightly into the back of her robes and his other hand came up to cup her cheek, instead. His thumb brushed gently under her eye and kept her pressed against his lips.

Maomao let herself sink into the warmth of his touch, the way his hand cupped her cheek so tenderly—so unlike the infuriatingly teasing man he usually was. She shivered as his thumb brushed under her eye, as if memorizing every part of her.

But as much as she wanted to stay like this, her ribs were starting to ache from the awkward angle.

With a reluctant hum, she finally pulled back, inhaling sharply as she broke the kiss. Her face was hot— far too hot—as she avoided his gaze, her fingers clutching at his robes.

“…Sorry,” she whispered, voice barely above a breath.

The moment the words left her lips, she swallowed hard and, before she could think too much about it, moved to adjust herself.

Straddling his lap properly was difficult, the chair not exactly designed for such a thing, and her long skirt certainly wasn’t helping. But she shifted, maneuvering carefully until she settled against him, her knees bracketing his hips, her weight pressing down just enough to steady herself.

Her hands clutched his shoulders now, her head ducked slightly, her blush still burning against her skin.

She refused to look at him.

“If you…wish to continue with ah- with…what we were doing I am not opposed…”

Jinshi panicked for but a moment as Maomao began to move, but he let her go so she could adjust. He was relieved when she didn’t leave his lap, even more relieved when she merely shifted into a position she could easier kiss him.

She felt even closer to him, now, too, and he’s so addicted.

He’s going to talk with Gaoshun after this. After he finishes whatever this is.. maybe after he finishes his work and see if Maomao would stay like this, let him hold her while he works. A comfortable weight pressed against his chest, helping tether him to reality and stay relaxed as he works.

Until that time comes, though, he’s very much enjoying kissing her. So he leaned in again and continued to kiss her. He used his hand to cup Maomao’s cheek, again, and tilt her head up so he could easier press their lips together. Then he found their earlier, gentle, loving, tender rhythm from before and kept her close as he kissed her.

Maomao clung to him, fingers gripping his robes as if they were the only thing keeping her grounded. Her mind felt light—dangerously so—as Jinshi kissed her again, pulling her into that same, slow, intoxicating rhythm.

She hadn’t expected to enjoy this so much.

Hadn’t expected him to feel so warm, so steady beneath her fingers, nor had she expected the sheer affection in the way he touched her, the way he tilted her head, the way he held her like she was something fragile and precious.

It was dizzying.

It was— gods, she needed to breathe.

With a sharp gasp, she broke the kiss, barely keeping herself from slumping against him as she inhaled greedily. “Yue..” she mumbled, still breathless, her hands tightening in his robes as her chest heaved.

She let her forehead drop against his shoulder, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment.

“I—” like kissing you — like this too much -~~don’t want to stop~~

Her thoughts were spiraling, her body warm, her lips tingling. She swallowed, tried to focus, but the dull ache settling into her knees and hips made that easier.

“…My legs are going numb,” she admitted, her voice softer than she intended. “And my hips ache.”

Her fingers loosened slightly on his robes, but she didn’t move away just yet, reluctant to lose the warmth of him.

Jinshi just gave a small smirk and tilt of his head, completely losing the nerves in his expression and gaze.

“Oh? Well, I think I know a way to fix that, if you’re alright with it?” He asked, but he didn’t wait for her to say anything before he was lifting her up onto his desk.

He was so grateful he was tall, in this moment, as he leaned closer, his arms on either side of her hips, and his face leaning closer to hers, once more.

Before her was the image of Jinshi’s usual persona, although now it’s far more genuine and there’s a gentleness in his gaze and movements that’s never usually present in his day to day persona.

Maomao let out a startled noise as Jinshi lifted her with ease, her hands gripping his shoulders instinctively. “H-Hey! Your reports—!”

Her fussing was cut short when she looked up, ready to continue her complaints, only to be met with that expression.

Her breath caught.

Gone was the stiff, awkward Jinshi from moments ago. In his place was the elegant, confident noble she had first met—except this time, the charm wasn’t a mask. It was softer, more genuine, more real.

Her body betrayed her before her mind could catch up, a visible shiver running down her spine.

Unfair.

This was completely unfair.

Maomao scowled, her lips pressing into a thin line as she looked away, grumbling under her breath, “… how are you this pretty…? I-“ ~~I feel inadequate..~~

But she left that unsaid. She isn’t one to care for her appearance in any normal situation but she was still a woman.

She could feel the warmth of him still so close, his arms bracketing her in, his scent filling her senses. It was infuriating how much she wanted him to stay there.

With an embarrassed huff, she hesitated for only a second before her knees parted, just enough to let him step in closer—just enough so she could grab him by the robes and yank him forward, crashing their lips together again.

Jinshi smiled fondly as she called him pretty. He stood up from the chair to lean over her more easily and kissed her forehead.

“As are you, darling..” he purred before her legs spread and he easily began to step between the parted appendages. He leaned down to kiss her gently only to let out a startled noise when he was pulled down rather suddenly and their lips crashed together again.

He was definitely enjoying this just as much as his little apothecary was.

After a moment of the greedy kissing, he slowed it back down to the soft, gentle press of lips. It was still deep and a tad bit needy, but definitely more filled with love than anything else.

Oh, how he loves this woman. So very much.

Maybe he will request his brother officially make her his concubine, if Maomao permits it of the man. Or maybe he can just marry her and keep her close forever. She could be his forever.

That sounded so lovely..

No, wait, what is he thinking!? Attachments are bad, they’re dangerous, they’re..

Gods, but when she’s kissing him like this and holding him like she too is afraid he will vanish and.. this attachment was unavoidable. He loves her and he will never give her up.

Maomao felt the tension in her own body ebb away as Jinshi slowed the kiss, guiding them back into something softer, more tender. She hadn’t even realized how desperate she had gotten—how anxious—until the warmth of his lips soothed the nervous energy burning under her skin.

Her fingers, which had been clutching his robes tightly, loosened, sliding up to rest around his shoulders instead. The way he was leaning over her, his arms caging her in, his presence surrounding her—it should have made her flustered beyond belief.

But instead, it made her feel safe.

She exhaled against his lips, something almost like a sigh, her thumbs unconsciously stroking the fabric of his robes as she adjusted to the heat growing between them.

She hated admitting it, even to herself, but she wanted more.

The thought sent a fresh wave of warmth-and horror-through her body, and she squeezed her eyes shut, pressing her face briefly against the curve of his jaw to hide. “You’re too warm,” she muttered, her voice slightly breathless and laced with frustration—whether at him or herself, she wasn’t sure.

But still, she didn’t pull away. If anything, her arms tightened ever so slightly around his shoulders, keeping him close, her knees even squeezed from where they pressed against his hips. Her words said one thing yet her body clearly said another.

Jinshi pouted when she pulled away from the kiss, but he didn’t press for more. He didn’t wish to overwhelm her more than she already seemed to be, so he let his own head back up just a little.

He gave her space to breathe, yet kept them close together. She looks so pretty like this..

“Warm? Me~?” He teased with a soft chuckle, his forehead leaning back in to gently press against her.

“You look stunning.” It was a bit out of the blue and random, but Jinshi believes the words wholeheartedly. Maomao truly is breathtaking, to him. Even with the freckles. Although the freckles do indeed make her look more adorable than stunning.

“You seem to glow as I hold you.. it’s breathtaking.You are breathtaking. Your mind and your face alike.” Jinshi had seen that small spark of self doubt, however minuscule it had been. He wanted to rid of that spark before it burst into flames.

Maomao stiffened instantly at the compliment.

Jinshi’s voice was so gentle when he said those things, so honest —it made her heart lurch and her stomach twist uncomfortably. She wasn’t sure how to take it. No one spoke to her like that. No one looked at her like that.

She ducked her head again, pressing her forehead against his shoulder as if she could hide from his words. “Stop it,” she whispered, her voice barely above a breath. It wasn’t harsh or angry, just… embarrassed. Pleading. She wasn’t breathtaking. She was just—just Maomao.

She was still trying to compose herself when she heard it—

A quiet shuffle. The soft sound of someone attempting to slide the door open.

Her entire body jolted with panic. Without thinking, she let out the smallest squeak and buried herself against Jinshi’s chest, her hands fisting into his robes as mortification overtook her, thoughts raising wildly.

They were too close. They looked far too intimate. If someone saw them like this—! She’d surely be killed before Jinshi could ever step in!

Her entire face burned as she squeezed her eyes shut, too terrified to look up.

Jinshi immediately clutched Maomao closer, tighter. His embrace was protective as he glared at the door. Whoever dare interrupt them will surely regret it.

Either because they’re embarrassed at the sight, shocked into silence, or earn an earful from Jinshi. Any one of those options and the idiot entering the room will pay dearly for their insubordination and the fact they thought they could enter without knocking or being respectful. Not even Gaoshun and Suiren do that to him. There’s always a warning of some kind, so who could this be?

Maomao was shaking.

She couldn’t stop the way her fingers clutched Jinshi’s robes so tightly that her knuckles turned white. The thought of being caught like this—of someone seeing them so intimately entwined—her face burned hotter than it ever had in her life.

Her heart pounded frantically in her chest, so loud she swore Jinshi could hear it.

Then—

“Master Jinshi is not currently available. ”

Gaoshun’s voice cut through the quiet, calm yet firm, a clear warning to whoever was attempting to enter. “ I would strongly advise against entering unannounced. ”

There was a beat of hesitation. A few muffled words exchanged. Then, at last, the voices faded entirely.

The door remained closed.

But even with the threat gone, Maomao remained frozen, her body rigid as she pressed herself against Jinshi’s chest, eyes wide and breath quick and shallow. She still hadn’t fully processed what almost just happened. She still felt like she was about to die from embarrassment.

And worst of all…

She was still clinging to Jinshi like a lifeline.

Jinshi sighed in relief, then swore to himself he’d do something nice for Gaoshun later. Then he turned his focus back to Maomao and kept her cradled closer.

“Would you like to go somewhere more private? We can go to my room and I can work on my paperwork there, instead? I do have that little bed desk and we can stay close, like this, if you wish to?” Jinshi offered, his fingers carding through Maomao’s hair.

She felt so stiff and shaken against his chest and he hates it.

She should be relaxed and calm, or overly excited about some kind of exotic-.. oh, right!

“Here, maybe this will help you feel better?” He asked as he pulled a covered item from his desk drawer and held it up for Maomao to see another rare ingredient to add to her collection.

He’d completely forgotten he had it, for her. He’s glad he remembered it now rather than later. He hasn’t a clue if these things have time limits for their proper use.

Maomao made a small, barely audible noise of protest when Jinshi pulled back.

The warmth—the security—of being held so close to him had been grounding, keeping the last remnants of her panic at bay. Without it, she suddenly felt cold , exposed, as if the momentary distance between them was far too much.

She bit the inside of her cheek, irritated with herself. Since when had she mourned the loss of someone’s embrace? That was ridiculous. Unreasonable.

But then, her eyes landed on the small bundle in his hands, and her breath hitched.

“ Is that… ” She snatched it from him before she even finished her sentence, fingers gently unwrapping the cloth to reveal—

“Yán huò gǔ! ”

Her excitement, though dulled by lingering mortification, sparked back to life as she carefully examined the rare, dried pyre beetle larvae in her hands. A powerful medicinal ingredient, highly difficult to acquire and known for its potent fever-reducing properties when properly prepared.

“This is incredible, ” she breathed, brushing a fingertip over one of the dried shells. “These are next to impossible to find in the country. How did you even—?”

She stopped herself, realizing who she was talking to. Of course Jinshi could acquire something like this.

Slowly, her enthusiasm faded just slightly as her attention shifted back up to him , her previous embarrassment creeping back in full force as she finally processed his earlier words.

She wanted to accept his offer—she really did. The thought of staying by his side, curled up somewhere safe, without the risk of another person barging in was tempting .

But—

“…If someone were to find me there,” she mumbled, looking away as she clutched the rare ingredient close to her chest, “I’d likely be reprimanded.”

Not him.

Her.

She was still just a servant. If someone of her rank were caught in his quarters, in his bed, there’d be consequences.

Jinshi snickered softly and shook his head, leaning back into her space and tilting his head teasingly.

“And who, my dear apothecary, would reprimand you? My brother who supports us wholeheartedly? The concubines who are all just as supportive? Or maybe Gaoshun, who has been begging me to get myself together and finally confess to you so I can forever hold you close? Or do you mean Suiren who has encouraged me for months, now, to finally bring you to my chambers permanently and marry you? I’m fairly certain she’s even planned a bit of our wedding without my say so. A bit overbearing, I must say, but I can’t exactly stop her.”

Jinshi then gently cupped her cheeks with both hands and looked at her with such adoration.. such fondness..

“You will not be reprimanded. You will not be killed. In this space, in my arms, you are no mere servant girl. You are my Xiaomao, whom I treasure and would never trade for the world.”

Maomao opened her mouth—whether to argue, protest, or simply grumble at Jinshi’s ridiculous list of supporters, she wasn’t sure—but no words came.

She hesitated, her fingers clutching the dried ingredient in her hands. She wasn’t used to this—to being treated as if she mattered beyond her usefulness as an apothecary. The idea of being welcomed so openly, by so many people, made her stomach twist in an unfamiliar way.

It wasn’t unpleasant. Just… unsettling.

She sighed, finally conceding with a small nod. “Fine.”

Before she could think too much about it, she quickly leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek—only for the weight of everything that had just transpired to finally crash over her.

The warmth of his hands still lingered on her skin. The heat of his lips, the closeness, the intensity-

Her face burned.

And without another word, she whirled around and bolted out of the room, slipping past a startled Gaoshun in her haste as she made a direct path to Jinshi’s quarters.

—

Gaoshun blinked as a blur of red and green flew past him.

He exhaled slowly, lips twitching as he turned to the door she had just exited.

A single knock—more of a courtesy than an actual request—before he stepped inside, immediately greeted by the sight of Jinshi sitting at his desk, looking far too smug for Gaoshun’s liking.

The old man coughed lightly, clearing his throat as he closed the door behind him.

“…I take it you’ve been enjoying her company, then? And that the talk went well?” he asked, tone bordering on far too knowing. His brow lifted slightly as he observed Jinshi’s current state—cheeks still lightly flushed, lips definitely swollen.

He sighed, shaking his head.

“…I assume I won’t be seeing much of you outside of your chambers for the remainder of the evening.”

Jinshi watched Maomao run to his chambers and he couldn’t help but chuckle as soon as she was gone.

He jumped, though, when a knock came and turned away to make it seem like he was doing something else to hide his obvious frazzled state. He turned back when Gaoshun spoke, though, then his face turned scarlet at the teasing.

“Uh, no, yeah, uh, I’ll be.. elsewhere. I’ll still be working, just.. in my chambers.” He muttered as he gathered his paperwork and a brush with ink. Then he went for the door, giving Gaoshun a small bow of his head in respect before he continued out the door.

Gaoshun exhaled sharply through his nose, shaking his head with a knowing, exasperated smile.

“My lord, I do hope you remember that you still have responsibilities outside of fawning over the apothecary.” he said, though his tone was more amused than reprimanding. “Though, I suppose I should be relieved. At least this means I won’t have to listen to you sulk over her anymore.”

He watched as Jinshi quickly gathered his things, still obviously flustered, and barely held back another sigh.

“Very well. I’ll ensure no one disturbs you,” he added, stepping aside to let Jinshi pass.

As the young noble left, Gaoshun simply chuckled, rubbing his temples.

Suiren is going to be insufferable when she hears about this…

—

Maomao paced.

Her fingers twitched at her sides, her nails occasionally curling into the fabric of her sleeves as her thoughts raced.

This was fine. This was fine.

Jinshi said she wouldn’t be punished. He promised. And logically, she knew he wouldn’t say something like that unless he was certain of it.

But logic wasn’t doing much to calm her down.

Because what if-?

What if someone did see them? What if some stuck-up official took offense to a servant girl getting so familiar with Jinshi? What if someone talked ? What if-

Her knees buckled before she even realized she had stopped moving, and she found herself crouched beside the couch, pressing her forehead against her hand as she struggled to catch her breath.

This is a panic attack.

Her mind supplied the term easily, as if simply recognizing it would somehow fix it.

It didn’t.

She tried counting her breaths, tried focusing on her fingers pressing into her scalp—on the texture of the fabric beneath them, on the feel of her own pulse against her palm.

Nothing worked.

Her breath came in shorter, shallower gasps, her shoulders trembling with the effort to keep herself together.

She didn’t even notice when the door opened. Because panic did not come easy for someone like her, but when it did hit, it hit hard.

Jinshi, the moment he entered the room and saw the state Maomao was in, he set his paperwork on the closest surface and fell to his knees in front of her.

He didn’t touch her, not yet. He wouldn’t do so until she knew it was him. He just started talking and held a hand out for her to take should she choose to. He gave her a voice to cling to, to attach and focus on and a hand that, if she needed it, if she wanted it, she could hold for further help in calming and focusing.

“Xiaomao, it’s alright. I’m here..” he said softly, “..you know, one time Gaoshun decided I needed to learn how to fight with a sword. I love it now, it helps me calm down when stressed or aching on the inside, but when I first began? I was so terrible at it. I would go to bed with so many bruises and aches. He never held back. He cared for me like a father, yes, but he still fought and taught rather brutally. At first, I kept tripping over my own feet and couldn’t even hold a sword anywhere remotely close to correct. It wasn’t until Suiren pulled me aside and began to teach me how to dance with a partner in my arms that I figured out how to be graceful, yet powerful in my attacks. Now I’m one of the best swordsmen in the palace. Of course I haven’t sparred anyone but Gaoshun in years, but it’s still a fact.”

He hopes the sound of his voice, the sound of his tale helps her calm down. He knows that, sometimes, people who panic don’t like the careful reassurances. They don’t like being told to breathe, being told to calm down and relax. Stories help them best, or just talking about random facts or anything at all helps more than those overly obnoxious and repetitive reassurances.

Maomao could barely hear him at first.

The panic was a dull roar in her ears—like static, like an endless droning hum that drowned out everything else. It dulled her senses while sharpening them all at once. Her body felt too hot , her skin too tight, her lungs too small to take in enough air. Every inch of her was tense, hurting, like something was clawing at her ribs, something unseen, unrelenting, refusing to let go.

But then—his voice.

It was distant at first, muffled beneath the white noise that clouded her mind, but slowly, steadily, it began to break through.

Jinshi.

She focused on the rhythm of his words—the familiar cadence, the warmth behind them. They weren’t telling her to calm down. They weren’t ordering her to breathe or to stop —they were simply there, something steady to ground her.

And then she saw his hand.

Without thinking, before she could even process what she was doing, Maomao moved.

She threw herself against him, arms wrapping tightly around his shoulders, fingers curling into the fabric of his robes like they were the only thing keeping her tethered to the earth.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped, her voice barely more than a choked whisper, “I’m sorry, I—I don’t—”

The words wouldn’t form properly. She didn’t even know what she was apologizing for anymore. For panicking? For being weak ? For dragging him into this, for letting him see her like this?

Her breath hitched. She buried her face against his shoulder, trembling as she clung to him, the static still lingering in the back of her mind but fading.

Jinshi was here.

She could feel his warmth, his steady presence, the way his arms instinctively wrapped around her in return.

Slowly, bit by bit, the static quieted.

Jinshi cradled her close the moment she jumped into his arms. He kissed her head and began gently swaying from side to side as he held her close to his chest.

He let her apologize, knowing reassurances would fall unto deaf ears. He would wait until she was calm, again to reassure her it’s alright.

So he just held her close, then went back to telling stories of his childhood until she calmed enough to focus completely on him, and once she was finally calm, only then did he respond to her apologies.

“Xiaomao, my love, there’s no need to apologize. You saw me break down for the first time, today. We kissed for more than a few minutes for the first time, today. I’m a noble and you’re a servant. You’re scared, and you told me it was okay to be scared, that it’s human to be scared. So, I’m here to tell you the same thing. It’s alright to be afraid. I won’t tell you to not be afraid, because I know nothing will come of those words. So I will just remain by your side and continue to reassure you that I would forgive you for anything. That I love and adore you. I’m not leaving, and everyone in our lives will never let us leave each other. I love you. I love you a lot. I will hold you through your fears and your tears. I will be here every step of the way, until you remember you are loved and I will never let harm fall upon you as best I can.”

Inevitably, when the palace finds out about him and Maomao, there will certainly be a lot of aggravated and jealous people. He’s the most sought after eunuch because of his looks and if they were to find out he is a taken man with no desires to have another? Well.. there very well may be consequences to that and he might station a guard to watch over her like he has with Gaoshun. Preferably Gaoshun’s son. He will certainly be the one he trusts the most to watch over Maomao.

Maomao had gone silent for some time.

She listened. Let herself breathe, let herself feel the warmth of his embrace, let the rhythm of his voice anchor her in the present. The panic had dulled to a quiet thrum in the back of her mind, still there, still whispering doubts, but much easier to ignore now.

She swallowed hard and, at last, shifted—only to realize she had, at some point, curled up in his lap again.

Her entire body tensed.

A fresh wave of embarrassment surged up her spine, and she immediately pulled back, shifting away to put some proper distance between them.

“I—” her voice was hoarse, still uneven from earlier. She licked her lips and tried again, keeping her gaze averted. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

Another sharp inhale.

No. Apologizing more wouldn’t help.

She forced herself to exhale, then straightened her posture, willing her mind to return to logic.

“I should leave you to your work now,” she murmured, shifting as if preparing to rise. “I—I’m certain I have my own work to do as well.”

She needed something to do. Something to focus on. If she stayed here, like this, any longer, she wasn’t sure she would be able to keep her composure intact.

Jinshi let her go despite wanting desperately to hold her close and kiss her head while he worked, but he didn’t want to trap her. He loves her and he never wants her to feel smothered or trapped where she isn’t comfortable.

“Okay. If you must go, then I won’t stop you, but do know you don’t have to apologize. I quite like holding you in my arms. It’s reassuring to know you’re safe..”

Jinshi carefully reached over to cup her cheek. He gave her a moment to pull back, if she wished, but when she didn’t, he pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

“Be safe.. come back whenever you please. You’re always welcome in my presence and my chambers, should you need me, or want to be close. Don’t be afraid of what may happen, but also know that I won’t be upset if you decide to stay away to process everything, for a few days. I will still summon you if anything happens, or if I need to, but I’m not going to force you into anything should you not wish for it.” Jinshi said softly before pressing another kiss to her lips and gesturing to the door with his head. His gaze was so fond as he did so and his thumb brushed along her cheek one more time before he completely pulled back.

Maomao hesitated.

Her mind was still tangled in knots, her heartbeat still too quick. Every logical part of her told her she should leave, that putting distance between them would make it easier to clear her head. That getting swept up in emotions—in him—was a foolish thing to do.

And yet…

Her fingers twitched. She stayed still for a breath, two, three , before she slowly, oh so slowly, leaned back in.

She pressed her lips to his in a hesitant kiss, one that lingered a little too long, a little too indulgent for someone who was supposed to be leaving.

…She really shouldn’t enjoy this as much as she does.

And yet, she does.

Her hands had found their way to his robes again before she even realized it, gripping the fabric like it was the only thing keeping her grounded. She couldn’t even be annoyed at herself for it. Not when his warmth was pressed so close, when his touch sent that unfamiliar but not unpleasant warmth curling in her chest and stomach.

Finally, when she had to, she pulled away.

Her face was burning, her mind still buzzing, and she hated how reluctant she was to go now.

“…I’ll—” She swallowed, then cleared her throat. “I’ll be going, then...”

Jinshi nodded in response, but he couldn’t help himself. He leaned in for another soft press of lips.

When he pulled back again, he brushed hair from her face, hummed, then got up, helping her to stand next. “Alright, love. Go on. Be safe, alright?”

He then went for his paperwork, sitting on his bed and setting himself up before pausing and looking over at Maomao.

“Oh, by the way. Would you be alright having a personal servant, or guard if ever someone were to find out about you and I? We both know what people think of me and what might happen should jealousy strike. I would feel better for your safety if you were to agree, and I will let you choose who it is who guards you. If you don’t care who it is, then I suggest Gaoshun’s son, Basen. He is trustworthy and I know if ever he tries to slack off, Gaoshun can set himself straight, he is also already aware of my identity.” Jinshi said with a bit of a grimace, yet even still, there was a fondness in his gaze.

Maomao stiffened at his words, her mind already running through the implications.

A guard or a personal servant? If she had either, it would be obvious . The servants would talk, rumors would spread, and before long, everyone would know that she was his. Not that she was terribly upset at the idea of that, it wasn’t that…

She wasn’t naive. She knew there were people in the palace who would see that as a problem. People didn’t just get assigned personal protection unless they were important. If she were suddenly given a guard, she might as well paint a target on her own back.

“…If you give me a guard, it’ll only make things worse,” she said hesitantly, her fingers twitching at her sides. “People will notice. They’ll talk. I—” She exhaled sharply, gripping her robes. “…It might do more harm than good.”

She didn’t know if she liked that she was even considering what it meant to be tied to him so openly. But she also couldn’t just dismiss his concerns.

With a grimace, she finally turned to look at him, shifting uneasily.

“…Maybe we should talk about this later. In more detail.” A pause. Then, quieter, more reluctant: “…Over dinner?”

It was easier to focus on that than the fact that she was agreeing to something that could change everything.

Jinshi nodded at her words, his head lowering in thought rather than disappointment she’d shot down his suggestion.

When she suggested more discussion over dinner, he smiled at her and gave a nod of his head.

“I would like that very much. Any requests for dinner? And no, poison isn’t on the menu.” He said sternly, giving her a knowing look.

He organized his papers, preparing to get to work after she leaves. He had no intention of ignoring her. His attention was solely on her and would remain that way until she leaves. “I enjoy your presence. Again, I do hope you know I welcome your attention at any point in time. Gladly, I will accept you no matter where we are or what we’re doing.”

Gods, he’s so smitten for this woman. She has him wrapped so tightly around her little finger.. he’s never going to be able to escape. Good thing he enjoys being trapped by her.

Chapter 17 Chapter Text

Maomao exhaled through her nose, crossing her arms as she pointedly ignored the warmth creeping up her neck at his words.

She wasn’t used to this. The attention, the affection, the way he always looked at her like she was something precious, like she was the most interesting thing in the room. It was overwhelming. Frustrating. Dangerous.

And yet… she didn’t dislike it.

“…Just something simple,” she muttered, glancing away. “I’d rather not deal with heavy spices or anything overly extravagant.”

And then, after a pause, she added, “And stop saying things like that so easily.”

Her fingers twitched where they rested against her arms. She could feel his gaze on her, warm and unwavering, and it made her skin itch with something she didn’t have the energy to pick apart right now.

So instead, she huffed, turned on her heel, and walked toward the door.

“I’ll see you later.”

And with that, she was gone, leaving behind nothing but the lingering scent of herbs and the quiet thud of the door closing behind her.

~~~

Maomao wiped her hands on a cloth, surveying the finished meal with a critical eye. Everything looked as it should—balanced flavors, properly portioned, nothing overly extravagant. Just as she had requested.

She was about to start cleaning up when Suiren clapped her hands, shooing her away with a knowing smile.

“Off you go. You’re done here.”

Maomao frowned, brows furrowing in suspicion. “But—”

“No buts. The young master has requested that you dress appropriately for dinner. So hurry along and change.”

She knew something felt off. Jinshi had asked for her to dress up? For dinner? That was unnecessary. Suspicious. Suspiciously unnecessary.

Her frown deepened, but Suiren simply gave her a gentle but firm nudge toward the door. “Go on. He’s waiting.”

Maomao huffed but didn’t argue. There was no point. Suiren clearly wasn’t going to let her stay, and the sooner she went, the sooner she could get this over with.

Still, as she made her way to her room to change into something slightly nicer, a wary feeling settled in her stomach.

What exactly was Jinshi planning?

Jinshi smiled as he watched Maomao go, then he spent the rest of his time focusing on his paperwork in the comfort of his chambers.

Eventually, Gaoshun entered the room with a hesitant knock and a slow step inside once invited in. He got more bold when he saw no one was there but Jinshi.

He was confused, of course, and went to question why Jinshi was alone, but got interrupted by a hand raising to shut him up. Jinshi then gave a specific order for his dinner and made sure there would be two places set. He also asked Gaoshun to bring Suiren so he could speak with her, next. When he did, Jinshi requested she speak with Maomao in a few hours and help her dress up for dinner with him.

Then, once both were gone and he was finished with his work, he got into something nice, as well. He wanted to look good, for Maomao. He adores her and wishes to look pretty for her. Especially if they won’t be going anywhere too far for dinner.

Maomao stood outside the dining room, hands clenched at her sides.

She felt ridiculous.

The clothes Suiren had picked were… fine, she supposed. Nothing too extravagant, but nicer than her usual attire. And her hair—she could feel the careful way it had been pinned, neater than she was used to.

She let out a slow breath, pressing her lips together before finally raising a hand to knock. Without waiting for an answer, she slid the door open just enough to step inside, closing it quietly behind her.

Another breath.

Then she turned to face Jinshi.

The moment she did, her resolve nearly crumbled.

Because—because he was dressed up too.

The sight of him was… unfair. Unreasonable. He looked good — too good, enough that her brain refused to cooperate for a long, mortifying moment.

She swallowed, suddenly very aware of how much effort had been put into this. Not just by her, but by him.

“…This feels excessive,” she muttered, glancing off to the side, feeling oddly out of place despite knowing she had been invited. Hell, this has been her idea…

Jinshi stood as she knocked and entered. He greeted her with a small bow of his head, then rounded the table and pulled the chair back for her. He then helped scoot her in and walked back to his own chair, afterwards.

He loves caring for her and spoiling her, so pulling her chair out like that had been almost second nature.

……

He was also raised by Gaoshun and that man made sure Jinshi would make a good husband and ruler (should it ever come to that), someday.

“Welcome, beautiful. I miss you. You look beautiful, my love.”

Maomao’s face burned.

Her fingers curled into her lap, tightening around the fabric of her robes as she quickly looked away.

Beautiful. He had called her beautiful- twice.

And the worst part was that she believed him.

She hated that. Hated the way it made something warm curl in her stomach, the way it made her nervous .

“…Stop saying things like that,” she muttered, ears red. “It’s—” She exhaled sharply, trying to will away the flustered feeling creeping up her spine. “It’s unnecessary.” ~~For someone like me.~~

Her gaze flickered to him, taking in the way he watched her—like she was something precious .

It only made the heat in her face worse.

Jinshi gave her a soft smile, leaning over onto the table with his chin on his threaded fingers.

“Unnecessary? So you already know you’re beautiful and don’t need the reminder~?” He purred, looking lovingly at the young woman he adores.

“I do hope you enjoy what I’ve chosen for us to eat. It’s what you requested, something simple. I also looked into what you would eat in the pleasure district and had the kitchens remake a few of them. I apologize if they’re not the same, we did as best we could to replicate a few of your favorites.”

~~Truthfully, he’d sent Gaoshun to Maomao’s adoptive father to find out what Maomao used to enjoy most when she was growing up.~~

Maomao huffed, rolling her eyes as she reached for her chopsticks.

“You’re acting like I don’t already eat the food from this estate every day,” she muttered, though her fingers tightened slightly around the utensils as she took in the spread before her.

She could tell these dishes weren’t just the usual palace fare. They weren’t just the meals typically served to the servants or nobles—no, these were dishes from the pleasure district.

Her dishes.

She stared at them for a moment, then shot Jinshi a look, wary. How had she not noticed this while helping prepare dinner?

“…How did you get these recipes?” she asked, her voice suspicious, even as her stomach twisted with something uncomfortably warm. She’d never told him what she used to eat growing up, which meant he must have—

Her eye twitched.

“Tell me you didn’t harass my father for them.”

Jinshi shook his head with a soft chuckle, grinning at the young woman.

“Harass? You’re making me sound like a cruel man. I would never harass a man. Merely request. My letter was kind and Gaoshun was kinder. Do not be afraid, your father wasn’t harassed in any way.” Jinshi said with a soft smile, reaching a hand between the few dishes, palm up for her to grab should she wish to.

“Your father is a kind man. If he were not banned from the palace grounds, then I would give him space to live here, for you. Possibly in the same room or location. Maybe I’ll speak with my brother on the matter, if you wish for it?”

Maomao hesitated, staring at his outstretched hand as if it were something delicate, something dangerous. Then, carefully—almost reluctantly—she reached forward and took it, squeezing gently.

“…Even if you offered, I know he’d refuse,” she murmured. “He’s happier where he is now. He has his work, his home, his freedom. After everything that happened before…” Her grip faltered slightly, but she caught herself before it could turn into a tremble. “I don’t think he’d ever want to return to the palace, even if he could.”

She swallowed, suddenly feeling an uncomfortable tightness in her chest.

Realizing her hand was beginning to shake, she pulled away, slipping it into her lap to hide the evidence of her thoughts. Her fingers clenched together, grounding herself in the feel of her own skin.

“…Actually,” she started, voice measured, controlled, “I wanted to talk about... About—” She inhaled deeply, then exhaled, forcing herself to meet Jinshi’s gaze. “About my father. The..other one.”

Jinshi hummed with a gentle smile as Maomao explained what her true father would choose should he have the choice to move back.

“Well, I’m glad he’s happy where he is.” Jinshi said with a soft chuckle, nodding along as Maomao continued.

Although the topic she switched to..

Well..

“You mean Lakan.” He said, sighing and lowering his head, a tiredness in his expression.

“That man..” he shook his head and focused back on Maomao, again, deciding against what he wanted to say.

Probably best not to talk bad about a woman’s father lest she does so first. Even then, Jinshi feels it’s improper, so he won’t. Not in front of her.

Jinshi squeezed Maomao’s hand, lifting his other to cradle hers in his. He gave her a soft, adoring smile and tilted his head to the side, a little.

“I already have a target on my head. You remaining as you are won’t be any issue. My love, there’s no avoiding targets on my head. Whether you’re of higher status, or not, it won’t change anything.”

Jinshi paused a moment before gently swiping his thumb over her knuckles and bringing them to his lips to softly kiss. Next, the looked her in the eyes and added, with sincerity in his gaze.

“However, if it makes you feel better, I will reluctantly allow you to go through with your plan. As much as I resent the man and his.. impossible requests, I will not stop you from doing as you please.”

Maomao exhaled slowly, her gaze dropping to where Jinshi’s hands cradled hers. The warmth of his touch made it difficult to focus, but she forced herself to push past it, to keep her mind sharp.

If she let Lakan adopt her… her standing would rise. She wouldn’t be a servant anymore, and her association with Jinshi would at least appear more appropriate in the eyes of the court. It wouldn’t erase all suspicion, but it would help. Lakan was already a known figure, and despite his eccentricities, he had influence. If she became his daughter on paper, it would grant her certain protections, too.

But… it also meant owing him. It meant accepting his claim over her, even if it was just for show. It meant enduring whatever schemes he had in mind, because there was no way a man like Lakan would do something like this without expecting something in return.

If she didn’t go that route, nothing would change. She would remain a servant, and even though Jinshi insisted it wasn’t an issue, she knew how people talked. Eventually, someone would notice. And once they did, questions would start. Whispers would spread. It wouldn’t take much for people to start picking apart their relationship and making dangerous assumptions.

Her fingers twitched in Jinshi’s hold.

Either choice carried risks. One gave her protection but came at the cost of accepting Lakan into her life. The other kept her free of him but left her vulnerable to scrutiny.

“…It’s infuriating,” she muttered, more to herself than to Jinshi. She squeezed his hands in hers, her mind still racing through every possible outcome, every complication, every loophole she could think of.

There was no right answer.

Only the path that would do the least damage.

Jinshi held Maomao’s hands tighter, his head lowering to stare at the table between them. His plate of food staring at him back as it grew colder and colder the longer their discussion lasted.

“I want you to be safest. We don’t have to hide. I need to reveal my true status, soon, anyways. There are too many things happening for me to remain hidden, any longer. Probably within the next few months I’ll be ousted, so there’s no need to worry about hiding our relationship. The Emperor will make a formal decree. If anyone tries to touch or harm you, they will receive consequences worse than an attempt on mine or his life.”

“You don’t have to be royal or high in the ranks to become a concubine. It helps, but there’s no need for it. Most of the time, when it comes to the concubines, if one does not have high status, for example you being from the pleasure district and growing up relatively poor, it would be socially acceptable if I were to buy you.”

“Women can be sold by their fathers, if said father is poor and struggling, to have the money to live on. If your adoptive father agrees to.. eh, ‘sell’ you to me, it will be seen as me being generous and helping a man in need. It wouldn’t be seen as favoritism, merely being generous.”

Maomao’s lips pressed into a thin line as she mulled over his words.

Technically speaking… he wasn’t wrong.

But he had already purchased her from the Verdigris house. No one else could buy her now unless he decided to sell her off. Which he obviously wouldn’t.

“That’s a flawed plan,” she muttered, pulling her hands back from his grasp and resting them in her lap. “You can’t purchase something twice if the buyer hasn’t put it back up for sale.”

Her fingers curled against the fabric of her clothes as she took a deep, slow breath, forcing herself to think clearly.

This wasn’t just about logistics or status anymore.

It was about them.

Her gaze lifted to meet his, her expression unreadable. She hesitated for a beat, then, finally, asked the question that had been buried beneath everything else.

“…What do you want from me, Jinshi?”

Not what was convenient. Not what made the most political sense.

What did he want? From a relationship with her…because Maomao is many things and smart is one of them, but she can’t see what he would gain from loving her.

Jinshi’s breath hitched when he was asked what he wanted.

What he wanted?

He hasn’t been asked that in years.. even then, it wasn’t anything that he was allowed to pick on his own terms, all were filled with choices he always hated.

The only time he’s been asked what he wanted and got exactly that, was when he became a eunuch for entirely selfish reasons. His brother knows the truth, as do Suiren and Gaoshun, but to everyone else who knows his status, he used the argument that someone of higher status needs to watch over the concubines and make sure they’re safe from the inside.

So to be asked such a question with no specific answer.. well..

“I.. I want..” he really doesn’t know how to say what he wants from her.

He’s craved genuine love for years now. Physical, mental, emotional love. He wants to be held, cradled, cherished for reasons that aren’t forced. He wants to be able to hold and love another. He wants to be close enough to know someone so well he can guess their thoughts in a way that is wholesome and not.. not dangerous.

He just wants loved.. but how do you say that? How can one say such a thought when they don’t even know what love truly is, in the first place? When one truly doesn’t know how to actually go about loving another? How does one explain all they wish for when the recipient of the answer won’t even believe nor understand why he thinks they will be the one he wants this love and affection with.

He loves her, this he knows. From how Gaoshun spoke of his wife, Jinshi knows he loves her, but.. he doesn’t even feel worthy of her love so why does he bother?

Jinshi ended up just lost in his thoughts, an answer in his eyes, but confusion was mixed in, as was fear.

’Why is it’, Jinshi thinks to himself, ’that everything I do, say, or think just elicits fear? Why must I be so.. terrified of stupidly simple things?’

Maomao watched him carefully, her sharp eyes noting every shift in his expression.

He didn’t answer her.

Not verbally, at least.

But she could see it—the hesitation, the uncertainty, the weight of thoughts he wasn’t voicing. It wasn’t often that Jinshi was speechless, and yet here he was, silent, lost in his own mind.

She exhaled softly, gaze flicking away as she tried to sort through her own thoughts.

What was she expecting him to say?

A clear answer would have been nice. Something simple. Something she could categorize, analyze, and store neatly in the back of her mind.

But that wasn’t Jinshi.

He was complicated. Frustrating. Impossible to pin down.

And yet…

Her fingers twitched against her lap before she finally sighed.

“You’re thinking too much,” she murmured, not unkindly.

Then, after a pause, she reached out—hesitantly —and took his hand again.

“Whatever it is you’re struggling to say… it’s fine,” she said, giving his hand a small, grounding squeeze. “You don’t have to figure it all out right now.”

Her gaze flicked back to him, unreadable as she studied his face.

“I just… don’t want you to feel like you have to dance around me,” she muttered, looking vaguely annoyed at herself for saying something so honest . “If there’s something you want, then just say it .”

Her grip on his hand loosened slightly, though she didn’t let go just yet.

“…Even if you think it’s foolish.”

Jinshi hesitated, watching her cautiously before he sighed and hunched over his plate.

“Even if it’s selfish..? It’s so.. dumb to think about..”

Hesitant as he was, he still took a deep breath to build up his nerves and did his best to fight off the flush of his cheeks as he answered Maomao’s question.

“I want.. it’s so hard to say this. I’ve never been asked such a question without it being a trap, so forgive me if I struggle to respond correctly.” He began, his gaze locked stubbornly onto their re-joint hands on the table.

“I want.. love. I want to be appreciated, adored in a way that isn’t because of my status. I want to be held and treasured, not because I’m a prince, but because I exist. I want to love and cherish another as they do me. To hold them close and know I can protect them from harm. To know I can.. no.. to be respected for who I am, not what I am, to be spoken to without it being too formal. I want for you to ignore my status when behind closed doors. You already don’t care what I am, merely who I am. You have to speak formally to me in public, of course, but.. I’m sorry if it all sounds as stupid to you as it does to me.”

Maomao exhaled through her nose, staring at him for a long, unreadable moment.

“…You do realize I already loved you before I knew you were a prince, right?”

Her voice was as dry as ever, but there was a certain weight to the words— deliberate, careful. Because she meant it.

She shifted slightly in her seat, her grip on his hand steady.

“I won’t lie and say I don’t respect you. But I’ve also never let your status dictate how I speak to you,” she pointed out. “I’ve been rude. I’ve been dismissive. I’ve called you childish more than once—because you are, sometimes.”

She gave him a flat look but didn’t let go of his hand.

“But that’s you. And I’d be lying if I said it was a deterrent.” She quite adores it actually, in small doses.

Her fingers curled around his just a little more.

“…That said, I understand where you’re coming from,” she admitted, voice quieter. “Not everyone thinks like that. It’s difficult for some people to separate the person from the title.”

She lowered her gaze to their hands, thumb brushing absently over the back of his.

“I can’t control what they think,” she murmured. “I can’t change how they treat you.”

A pause. Then, with more conviction—

“But I can control myself. I can control how I treat you.”

She took a slow breath, steadying herself before finally looking back up at him.

“So if that’s what you want… I’ll respect it.”

Jinshi gave her a soft smile as she spoke, paying full attention to her and nothing else. He pressed her hand to his lips again and let them linger for a bit.

Once he pulled back and looked her in the eyes again, there was a vulnerable look in his amethyst eyes.

“That’s why I chose you to love. That’s why I adore you as much as I do. That’s why I wish to keep you in my life.” He said, tightening his grip on her hands in return and giving her that small tilt of his head that made him look fonder than when it was just straight up.

“You don’t care for my title. You treat me like a human. I’m not just a prince or a pretty eunuch that makes everyone weak in the knees. I’m just me, Zuigetsu. Not Yue, just me. It’s refreshing. It’s calming. It makes me feel real and not shoved onto a pedestal I never wanted to stand on.”

Maomao let out a slow breath, standing from her seat and moving to his side with deliberate steps.

She wasn’t good at this. Words weren’t her strong suit when it came to emotions—especially ones this delicate. No amount of medical knowledge could tell her the best way to comfort a heart.

So she didn’t try.

Instead, she let her actions speak for her.

With careful hands, she reached out and smoothed her fingers through his hair, letting the strands slip between them. Then, before she could overthink it, she leaned down and pressed a light kiss to his forehead.

It was quick —barely there—but the sincerity in it was unmistakable.

“…Idiot,” she murmured, voice softer than before. “No one makes you stand on that pedestal. You do that to yourself.”

Her hand slid from his hair to his cheek, thumb brushing over his skin in an absent motion.

“I don’t care what you are. Just who you are.”

She sighed, feeling the heat rise in her own face now.

“I thought you already knew that.”

Jinshi’s eyes widened with minute panic as Maomao got up. He relaxed when he saw her approaching him, then relaxed even more when her fingers ran gently through his long hair.

He practically melted at the way those soft fingers ran so soothingly through his hair. He quickly discovered he loves the feeling. He leaned into it, then paused as she cupped his cheek then kissed his head.

He ended up turning in his chair to let her step closer, between his legs, and his hands very softly and lightly settled on her waist.

He smiled fondly up at her, leaning into the hand on his cheek with closed eyes then hummed and opened them again to respond.

“Course I know that. It’s why I love you so much. You see me as me and not.. a crazy noble prince. You’re also far more than a simple apothecary. You’re brilliant and logical and it’s fascinating to watch. I love it. It’s thrilling.”

Maomao sighed, shaking her head with something caught between exasperation and fondness.

She let her hand linger on his cheek for just a moment longer before pulling away, slipping from between his legs and returning to her seat.

“…I’ll accept,” she said reluctantly, resting her elbow on the table and propping her chin against her palm. “Lakan’s proposal. For adoption.”

She could already feel the headache forming at the thought.

Her gaze drifted to the side, lips pressing into a thin line. “Not because I want to, but because it makes the most logical sense. If it will make things easier for you, then I’ll do it.”

She exhaled sharply, clearly frustrated with the entire situation. “But I swear, if that man gets smug about it, I might just change my mind out of sheer spite.”

Jinshi chuckled fondly, propping his cheek into his palm, elbow on the table as he watched her. It was very unprincly, but Jinshi’s really didn’t care.

“I mean, you do what you think is best. If he does get smug about it, please back out. It’s funny to imagine him getting all excited, then coming to me to sign the paperwork as a head official. You know that’s what he will have to do, correct? I will be sure to let you be there when he comes, if you prefer.” Jinshi already knows the man will be smug with him. Jinshi already knows Lakan will rub it in his face and demand Maomao stay far away from him forever. Lakan would probably even go as far as to sell her off somewhere far away.

Or, well, he would try to. Doesn’t mean Maomao will listen, nor his brother allow it. The Emperor would immediately decree she be transferred back immediately lest the buyer be beheaded.

Maomao tapped her fingers against the table, deep in thought.

Jinshi was right—Lakan would absolutely revel in his newfound ability to lord over the situation. That much she had expected. But as she played out the possibilities in her head, another realization struck her, and her fingers abruptly stilled.

Her breath hitched, barely perceptible, but her posture stiffened.

Wait.

Her mind ran through the scenario at lightning speed. If Lakan formally adopted her, she would become his legitimate daughter, which meant—

He’d have a direct connection to the imperial family.

Her expression didn’t change much, but internally, she cursed herself for not realizing it sooner. If Lakan was anything, he was ambitious. What were the chances that he would see this as a golden opportunity? To slither his way into imperial affairs under the guise of fatherly concern?

Too high. Far too high.

She quickly schooled her expression, forcing herself to relax. No need to give anything away. If she hesitated now , Jinshi would notice, and the last thing she needed was for him to start worrying too.

This required more thought. More caution. And, perhaps, an alternative plan…but no alternate plan allowed for the opening this did…

Jinshi watched Maomao closely and immediately noticed the way she stiffened and her eyes minutely widened.

He narrowed his own in suspicious, watching even closer as she thought longer on the matter. When she didn’t speak again, he leaned back in his chair and tilted his head, arms crossed over his chest.

“You’ve thought of something else. What’s wrong? What did that pretty mind of yours come up with, darling?” He asked curiously, watching her closely for any kind of reaction.

Maomao barely resisted the urge to click her tongue. Of course he caught it. Nothing gets past this man, does it?

She quickly smoothed her expression, tapping her fingers lightly against the table again, feigning thoughtfulness rather than alarm.

“…Just considering all possible outcomes,” she replied, her tone even. “You were right. Lakan * would* be smug about it.” She glanced at him, gauging his reaction before continuing. “And he’d likely find ways to make things inconvenient for you out of sheer pettiness.”

She leaned back slightly, exhaling through her nose. “It’s just a hassle to deal with, that’s all. Nothing major.”

It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either. She needed time to think— really think—before voicing her real concern. If she brought it up too soon, Jinshi might act rashly, and she couldn’t afford that.

Not yet.

Jinshi watched Maomao and, just like before, he caught every minute detail, but he just smiled and, very gently reached over the table before speaking.

“Xiaomao.. I trust you.” He didn’t specify what he meant. He didn’t give more details. That was all he said, soft smile still in place and hand open for her to take, should she desire to.

Then he gestured to the food with his chin. “It’s cold, now, but we should probably eat. I haven’t eaten yet today and this still smells delicious despite being cold, now.” He said with a teasing smirk.

Maomao narrowed her eyes slightly at him, but there was no real heat behind it. Just the usual mix of exasperation and begrudging fondness that always came with dealing with Jinshi.

He trusts her , does he? As if that would keep her from worrying about him being an idiot at the worst possible moment.

She sighed through her nose and flicked his hand lightly with her fingertips instead of taking it. “Then trust me to think things through before rushing into them,” she muttered before picking up her chopsticks.

Still, despite everything, she finally started eating. Even if it was cold, it was well-made, and she wasn’t going to let the effort go to waste.

Jinshi’s eyes widened and he gave a small, nervous chuckle.

“Heh, No promises. You know my self control is minimal, at best. I will always put myself in harms way to protect those I care most about. So don’t be angry if I make a rash decision in the moment, because I have to. If there’s no time to think, I can’t guarantee I will completely heed your request..” he said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

He has yet to touch his own food, rather focusing on trying to fight back the blush that was slowly creeping up his neck and to his cheeks.

“I wish I could promise to listen, but.. unfortunately, waiting patiently when people are in danger isn’t my strong suit.”

Maomao paused mid-bite, then slowly chewed her food, staring at Jinshi with an unreadable expression. Once she swallowed, she set her chopsticks down with deliberate care and rested her chin in her hand.

“So what you’re saying is, you’re going to make me worry myself sick because you refuse to use that supposedly brilliant mind of yours before throwing yourself into the fire,” she said flatly.

She tapped her fingers against her cheek, eyeing him with mild irritation. “You know, for someone who prides himself on being meticulous and calculating, you sure seem eager to act like an impulsive fool when emotions are involved.”

She clicked her tongue, then picked up her chopsticks again and pointed them at him. “At least try to think before you act. If you’re going to be reckless, I’d rather it not be the kind that gets you killed. Or worse, causes me trouble.”

Despite her sharp words, her eyes softened, just a little. She wouldn’t say it outright, but she didn’t want to see him get hurt. Even if he was an idiot. Especially because he was an idiot.

Jinshi looked at Maomao with a rather deadpanned expression, one perfect eyebrow raised at her.

“Xiaomao, dear. You do that. I’ve had to bail you out of so many situations. Remember the smelling incident? Or the time you collecting those bugs. Or even the time you almost fell off the wall because you were dancing and someone sent me up there since they thought it was another ghost incident? Xiaomao, please, you can’t get mad at me. I’m usually the one who thinks before taking action.”

Jinshi finally picked up his chopsticks, but he didn’t yet eat. “My love, when it comes to your life and your safety, I would throw myself into danger every time. No one can stop me. As you worry for me, I shall worry for you in turn. As for keeping me safe, I’m already a target to someone. We haven’t a clue who, so what’s the point in hiding if I’m already being hunted. I trust you. I trust that you have an idea and a plan and I won’t ever stop you from doing as you need, but I will stop you if you are the one getting hurt instead. Find another way. One where we are both safe, or where I am the one injured. You are able to heal others more easily than yourself, so if I’m the one hurt, I know you can help me better than you can help yourself.”

Maomao exhaled sharply through her nose, rubbing her temple as if warding off a headache. “ Tch. You’re being dramatic again.”

She picked up a piece of food and chewed thoughtfully, glaring at him over her bowl. “I’ve gotten myself out of plenty of situations just fine, thank you very much. And those times you mentioned? It’s not my fault people keep mistaking my work for something weird or supernatural.”

She set her chopsticks down and leveled him with a dry stare. “And you expect me to just… let you throw yourself into danger for my sake? Like I’m some fragile porcelain doll that can’t handle herself? That’s laughable.” She shook her head, sighing heavily. “I don’t want you getting hurt, Jinshi. It’d be a waste of all that expensive grooming and maintenance you nobles go through.”

There was a beat of silence before she huffed and muttered under her breath, “…And I don’t.. want to see you hurt, either.”

She reached for her cup, taking a slow sip to hide the slight tension in her expression. “I’ll find a way that keeps us both in one piece. But don’t expect me to stand by quietly if you decide to be reckless.”

Jinshi looked at Maomao quietly for a long while before letting out a bit of a shaky laugh, lowering his gaze, again.

“Right, well, I guess we’re at an impasse, then. Neither of us will let the other be harmed. We’re both reckless when it comes to each other and protective. So, what are we going to do? How can we compromise on this situation? Currently we’re just going back and forth with the same sentiments for the other. So how can we fix this and move on?”

Jinshi set his own chopsticks down as well, folding his hands, again and setting his elbows on the table as he watched her.

His gaze wasn’t cruel, nor was it disappointed. It was simply curious and nervous that Maomao wouldn’t budge. There was fear in his eyes and his shoulders were once more stiff.

“I can’t lose you. I only just manage to get ahold of someone precious to me. Someone who doesn’t care what I am, merely who I am. That’s so rare.. love, I can’t lose you. May we please find a different way where you won’t be harmed or killed. You’re not a porcelain doll, you’re not fragile, but you’re also human. You’re strong, you can take a lot, but you’re not above death.” Jinshi’s voice was strong, firm, but there was an underlying hint of shakiness underneath. His fingers tightened on each other and his expression appeared a bit pinched. He doesn’t want to lose her. He loves her so much.

He knows he won’t be able to keep going if she were to die.

Maomao watched Jinshi in silence, her fingers idly tracing the rim of her cup as he spoke. His words, his expression—she could see how deeply this affected him. How much it frightened him.

With a soft sigh, she set her cup down and rested her chin in her palm. “I will try,” she said, meeting his gaze head-on. “I can’t promise I’ll always be safe. I can’t control every little thing that happens. If I could, I wouldn’t have been poisoned, kidnapped, or dragged into half the nonsense I’ve had to deal with over the years.” She tilted her head slightly, her expression softening just a fraction. “But I will try. For you.”

Her lips pressed into a thin line before she added, “And for myself. I like being alive, you know.” She reached forward, poking his forehead lightly. “You’re too worried. If you keep frowning like that, you’ll get wrinkles before your time.”

Despite her usual blunt tone, there was warmth in her voice, a quiet reassurance that she wasn’t planning on throwing her life away carelessly. “So,” she continued, sitting back, “let’s focus on things we can control, rather than worrying about everything that might happen.”

Jinshi sighed with a bit of relief. Some of his fears had been diminished. Not demolished, they were still there, but they weren’t as bad as before.

“Oh, well, so long as you’re not intending to try and throw your life away. Just.. be careful, please.” He requested softly, a gentle smile on his face.

“Oh, and about the wrinkles, I’m sure to get them early, anyways. I have a beautiful lover who likes to impulsively solve conspiracies in the background where I have to pardon you and talk a lot of officials out of firing you.”

Maomao merely shrugged at his words, her lips curving into a small, knowing smile. “It’s not impulsive if I’ve thought it through,” she countered, finishing the last of her food. “Besides, if you didn’t have to bail me out every now and then, you’d get bored.”

She set her chopsticks down and, without thinking, began gathering the dishes to clean up. It was second nature at this point, her hands moving automatically as she stacked the plates and picked up their cups.

Only when she glanced up and saw Jinshi watching her did she pause, blinking. Right. This wasn’t her own space. But, well, she had already started—might as well finish. She resumed tidying without another word, completely unbothered by the way Jinshi kept looking at her.

Jinshi watched as she cleaned up. He watched as she methodically did what she’s always done. He didn’t stop her, merely smiled lovingly at her as she cleaned.

After a moment, he stoop and walked over to kiss her head. He gave her a gentle brush of his fingers over her back and kissed her head twice.

“I have more work to do. If you need me, I’ll be with concubine Gyokyou. We have matters to discuss in align with the emperor.” Then he was gone from the room and off to do exactly as he said, his food lying entirely untouched on the table.

Maomao sighed softly as she carried the untouched food to the kitchen. She carefully packed it up, making sure it would stay fresh for later. As she finished, she found Gaoshun nearby and called him over.

“Jinshi didn’t eat,” she informed him, her tone casual but with a hint of concern. “He left to meet with Concubine Gyokyou. You might want to check in with him, just in case.”

With that task done, she headed to her room to change into more comfortable clothes—something practical for the chores ahead. She slipped into something simpler and less formal, ready to tackle the messes of the rest of the night. With a soft sigh, she began gathering her cleaning supplies, preparing herself for a long, focused night of work.

Jinshi hadn’t realized the time they finished their meal. He ended up not going to Gyokyou, considering he’d been rather distracted most of the day. Therefore he would have to do that tomorrow.

Instead, he went to his office where he saw Gaoshun holding a packed box of something. It wasn’t until Jinshi was closer that he saw the contents and he sheepishly looked away while grabbing the box.

He ate as he did his paperwork and even after finishing, Jinshi requested a bit more be prepared and brought to him.

Gaoshun did exactly that and waited patiently for his ~~son~~ friend to finish before forcing Jinshi to go rest.

The next morning, Jinshi visited Gyokyou and did all else he had to do.

Until he got an invitation a few weeks later. There had been no progress on figuring out what to do about Maomao’s position in regard to their budding, romantic relationship. There have certainly been a couple more long kissing incidents that both Suiren and Gaoshun have walked in on and Gyokuyou has picked up on the hints that something happened between Jinshi and Maomao. She’s now relentlessly teasing the two.

Of course only in the confines of her own quarters and in no way that’s different than she had been saying before.

The invitation itself was to an event called ‘The Hunt’ hosted by Lady Loulan’s father, Shihoku-Shu. A suspicious, yet powerful man.

It’s now the middle of summer and the heat has been increasing significantly. Overheating is now a common occurrence in the inner and outer palace. Workers have been permitted to take breaks when necessary and have water nearby as often as possible. As for the caravan heading out for the hunt, well..

“I would like for you to join me.” Jinshi said as he sat on the bench designated for visitors in Gyokuyou’s home. Maomao in the doorway as Jinshi requested her presence be allowed on his long journey.

Maomao stood in the doorway, arms crossed as she eyed Jinshi warily. The midday heat was already oppressive, making the very idea of a long journey seem unappealing, especially for something as frivolous as something called The Hunt.

She blinked at him. “Why?” Her voice was flat, her expression unreadable. “Why do you want me to go?”

Jinshi was unpredictable at times, but dragging her along to an event hosted by a powerful noble family seemed excessive—even for him. A hunt required hunters, trackers, and noble attendees who wanted to flaunt their skills. She was none of those things.

“Are you unwell? Did the heat get to you already?” She tilted her head, watching him closely. “Or is there some secret medical emergency only I can tend to? Because unless you’re bleeding out, I fail to see why I need to be involved in whatever this is….”

Gyokuyou chuckled softly, her eyes filled with quiet amusement as she looked between Jinshi and Maomao. “Oh my, how very considerate of you, Master Jinshi,” she mused, the mirth in her tone unmistakable.

She turned her gaze to Maomao, who still stood stiffly in the doorway, clearly suspicious of the entire situation. “It seems you’ll be accompanying him, Maomao. Do take care on the journey.” Her smile was gentle but knowing, as if she already understood far more than Maomao did.

—

Maomao pressed her lips into a thin line but bowed respectfully. “Understood, Lady Gyokuyou.”

She straightened, eyes flickering to Jinshi for a moment before she let out a barely audible sigh. “I will make preparations, then.” She didn’t bother asking why again—clearly, she wasn’t going to get an answer she wanted. Instead, she turned on her heel, already making a mental list of what she’d need to pack for a trip she had absolutely no desire to go on.

Once the meeting with Gyokuyou was finished and Jinshi had left the Jade Pavilion, he went to Maomao’s quarters, gently knocking on the door and awaiting permission to open the door.

“I merely wished to come by and give you an answer to your previous question. One I could not speak with so many eyes on us.” He said with a gentle smile before fully entering, closing the door behind him and crowding her out of sight of the window. Then he kissed her.

It was soft and sweet, definitely unlike a few others they’ve had in the past few weeks.

“I merely wish to spend more time with you. On this hunt, you will be imperative. As my moral support, in a sense. You will also be there as a taster for the men of the caravan. This way, we don’t have to risk losing anyone, and you and I can spend more time together. I’ve missed those pretty violet eyes of yours.” He cooed with a soft grin before leaning in for another gentle kiss.

Maomao let out a slow exhale as Jinshi crowded her space, his warmth enveloping her before his lips pressed gently against hers. She had grown somewhat accustomed to his unexpected displays of affection— somewhat —but it still left her with a slight flush on her cheeks.

She blinked up at him when he pulled back, her lips parting slightly as if to respond, only for him to speak first.

His reasoning was… not surprising. Not entirely. She sighed, shaking her head as she gave him a dry look. “So, what you’re saying is that I’m being dragged along because you missed me and also need someone to make sure you don’t drop dead from poisoned food.”

She crossed her arms, clearly unimpressed but not entirely annoyed either. “…I suppose there’s no helping it, then.” She would have preferred to stay behind, but with Jinshi looking at her like that, his amethyst eyes filled with warmth, she found it difficult to argue.

Still, she huffed, poking his forehead lightly. “I can’t believe you phrased it like that. You’re insufferable.” And yet, her tone wasn’t harsh—if anything, there was the slightest hint of fondness beneath it.

Jinshi pouted at her response, pulling back enough she could breathe easier.

“You don’t have to be so disappointed. If you wish to stay behind, you know I won’t stop you. You’re always allowed to tell me no.”

Jinshi was very much using his best pleading eyes to get her to come, but he would certainly be supportive if she gave even the smallest hint of wanting to stay home.

He isn’t cruel. He would never drag her away from her own bed, kicking and screaming.

He loves her. He always will.

Maomao let out a small sigh, rolling her eyes even as the corners of her lips twitched upward. “You really are insufferable,” she muttered, though the sharpness of her words was dulled by the way she lifted a hand to brush his hair back from his face.

She had always been weak to those eyes of his—deep and pleading, filled with an affection that made her stomach twist in ways she didn’t want to think about.

Finally, she shook her head, a quiet huff escaping her lips before she leaned up just slightly, pressing a brief, soft kiss against his lips.

“…Fine. I’ll go.” She pulled back just enough to meet his gaze again, arching a brow. “But I better get bitten by something poisonous.”

Jinshi chuckled with a small roll of his eyes. “Only if it isn’t deadly and you’re able to survive it and recover quickly. We’re going through the desert so I’m sure there are a few poisonous snakes.”

Jinshi gently cupped her cheeks again and kissed her forehead, gently brushing his thumbs tenderly under her eyes.

“I can’t lose you, and I will need you in good health on this trip. Besides, hunting might end in injury. It isn’t a guarantee your prey won’t fight back and be deadly. Or at least you never know how safe another is while hunting, injury is highly likely. Besides, I need to have my face covered for most of the trip and I cannot eat in public, because of this. The people we are visiting know who I am and I cannot let them know that the Prince is the one they invited to the hunt. I’m there to investigate something, not to party and not to hunt. So, I’m going undercover for the entirety of this trip. He fought so hard to get his daughter to be a courtesan. The Emperor is suspicious that there’s more to this than a power trip. So you might want to bring things to cure dehydration and heat exhaustion.” He said with a soft, nervous little grin.

Maomao stared at him, unimpressed. “So, let me get this straight.” She crossed her arms, tilting her head just slightly. “You’re dragging me along on a hunting trip, where I’ll have to deal with heat and possibly reckless noblemen with more enthusiasm than skill—” She paused, narrowing her eyes. “And on top of that, you’ll be going undercover, meaning I’ll have to play along with whatever ridiculous role you assign me, all while making sure you don’t pass out from hunger because you’re too busy pretending not to exist?”

She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose before glancing up at him again. “At this rate, I should start preparing remedies for headaches too,” she muttered. Then, after a brief pause, she gave him a pointed look. “Fine. I’ll make sure you don’t collapse in a heap somewhere, but you owe me.”

Then, as if to prove a point, she lightly flicked his forehead before yanking him down by his cheeks to kiss where she flicked.” Can you promise me to be careful?”

Jinshi pouted at her while being sassed and essentially scolded for something he hasn’t even done, yet!

Jinshi gently held her hips as she flicked his head. He startled a bit and pouted deeper until he was pulled down and the offended skin kissed by soft, loving lips.

His pout melted into a soft smile by the time she pulled back enough to look in his eyes.

“I will be careful. I promise, my love, I will be as careful as I can be.” Then, just as pointedly as she’d been earlier. “If you promise not to get yourself killed by a poisonous snake or something similar.” He didn’t say not get poisoned at all, he just reiterated what she didn’t acknowledge a second ago.

Maomao chuckled, shaking her head at his persistence. “Yes, yes, I’ll do my best to avoid getting bitten by anything venomous.” She lightly patted his chest, then turned him toward the door with a gentle but firm push. “Now, go. We both need sleep, and if you linger any longer, you’ll end up keeping me up all night with your worrying.”

She smirked at him, crossing her arms. “Besides, you have a lot to prepare if you’re going to be running around playing the mysterious stranger. You wouldn’t want to be unprepared, would you?”

With that, she waved him off, already turning back to her things as if dismissing him entirely.

Jinshi chuckled softly as he let her guide him to the door. However, before she could take more than a step and a half he grabbed her arm and tugged her back, spinning her into his chest.

He grinned and leaned down to press a longer kiss against her lips. He held her close, kept the kiss going for a bit, before he pulled back, pressed another kiss to her forehead and turned, leaving the room.

Upon reaching his own, he couldn’t fight off the giddy smile. Gaoshun immediately picking up on it and teasing Jinshi relentlessly until he got the young master to finally go to bed.

They packed and prepared in the morning and gathered the caravan a day after that.

Then they were off to the hunt, taking the occasional break as they traverse the land to get to the event.

Maomao arrived just a few moments late, her expression sour as she adjusted the strap of the bag slung over her shoulder. She was clearly irritated, though whether it was due to rushing in the morning or simply the prospect of this whole journey was anyone’s guess.

With a quiet sigh, she climbed onto one of the wagons, settling herself next to Basen without much of a word. Of all people, it had to be him. She didn’t even bother to mask her displeasure, her lips pressed into a thin line as she stared ahead.

“You’re late,” Basen commented dryly, arms crossed.

“I know, ” Maomao muttered, rubbing her temple. She could already feel a headache coming on, whether from the bumpy ride or the company beside her, she wasn’t sure. “Don’t remind me.”

Jinshi had noticed the delay, although he didn’t ask why. He just took the opportunity to talk with Gaoshun.

They spoke of random things, including Jinshi asking and getting an explanation on why they left a little late, but the entire time he was pouty and annoyed.

He wouldn’t be able to be near Maomao until they stop, and even then it won’t always be possible since it could be seen as suspicious.

By their first stop, Jinshi was already feeling overheated. At least he’s able to drink water, right now.. it’s going to be brutal later..

Jinshi summoned Maomao to his own wagon where it was much more private and pat the bench next to him for her to sit on, if she wanted to.

He wanted to hold her, but he knows it’s far too hot for that. So instead, he turned to fully face her with a soft smile. “Sorry for the sudden summoning, but I wanted to ask, why were you late? Is everything alright? You don’t usually get places late, you’re far too punctual.”

Maomao hesitated, her fingers lightly tugging at the hem of her sleeve as she mulled over whether she even wanted to say it. But she knew Jinshi well enough to understand he wouldn’t let it go until she answered.

“…Master Lakan stopped me on my way here,” she finally mumbled, eyes flicking away from his face. “He… offered me a deal.”

She exhaled slowly, brows furrowing slightly. “If I let him adopt me, he said he’d support this —” she gestured vaguely between them “—but only if you agreed to cooperate with any of his requests. Within reason.”

Her lips pressed into a thin line as she finished speaking, her fingers still fidgeting. She didn’t need to say it aloud for him to know what she thought of the offer. It left a sour taste in her mouth. The entire thing was suspicious, too convenient, too controlled —and yet, the fact that Lakan even proposed it meant he saw something valuable in their relationship.

She still wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or not.

Jinshi didn’t even hesitate as soon as she spoke. His gaze hardened and he glared at her.

He wasn’t angry at her, she was just in his line of sight.

“No.” He said stiffly, turning his gaze to the floor and sighing. “I mean, it’s.. too suspicious. Too unpredictable. I don’t trust that man. There’s something seriously wrong with him, and I have a bad feeling about his intentions with that deal.”

Sighing again, Jinshi turned back to Maomao, expression now worried with a hint of anger aimed at the man who claimed to be Maomao’s father. “It’s a terrible idea to agree to it, please tell me, my dearest, that you told him no.”

Maomao sighed, folding her arms as she looked off to the side. “I didn’t tell him anything,” she admitted. “It’s not my decision to make.”

Her fingers tapped idly against her sleeve before she glanced back at Jinshi, expression unreadable. “You’re the one he’s after. You’re the one who has to give up something. It’s not my place to agree or refuse, especially when, technically…” Her lips twisted slightly. “You own me.”

The words tasted bitter coming out, but it was the truth. No matter how much freedom she had, she was still a servant, and ultimately, Jinshi had the final say over where she went and what she did. It was a reality she had long since accepted, even if she didn’t particularly like it.

Still, she wasn’t blind to how deeply Lakan’s proposal unsettled Jinshi. His immediate rejection wasn’t surprising, but his intensity… She tilted her head, studying him quietly before speaking again.

“I figured you’d want to hear it first before I gave an answer.” She paused, then sighed again. “So, what do you want to do?”

Jinshi shook his head and leaned over to quickly place a soft kiss to her forehead before pulling back, again. It was too warm to stay close for long, but he needed her to know for certain that he isn’t mad at her.

“Turn it down. If he makes a threat regarding your safety, or that of a servant you like spending time with, or even one of the concubines, then..” he didn’t know what to do.

He couldn’t think, he can barely breathe two seconds before more issues turn up.

He’s already thinking about the hunt and what he needs to focus on when there, and now Lakan is causing more issues.

“He’s going to be expecting a response when we get back.. do you have any ideas on what we can do?”

Maomao hummed, tapping her fingers against her arm as she thought. “If he’s expecting a response, we have to give him one. Ignoring him will only make him more insistent.”

She sighed, rolling her shoulders. “The simplest way would be to turn him down outright. No explanation, no argument, just a rejection. He’ll probably push, but if we refuse to entertain it, he might eventually drop it.”

She frowned. “But I don’t think he made this offer on a whim. He’s after something, and if we refuse too easily, he might change his approach. If he’s willing to offer support just to gain some control over you, what else is he after?”

Her gaze flickered up to Jinshi’s, sharp with curiosity. “It might be worth drawing this out a little longer to see what his real goal is. If we play along just enough to get him talking, we might learn something useful.”

Jinshi smiled as Maomao spoke, watching her with his eyes half lidded. He looked so very fond as she gave her plan, idea.

“I love how you think~” He cooed before leaning in to kiss her head.

Then he nodded in agreement and leaned back against the wall of his wagon.

“Well, that will have to do. We can play it safe. He might catch on quickly, though. You know how Lakan can get. He’s smart he’ll try a different tactic if we refuse him too many times. Or he will just take it by force, if he gets desperate enough.”

Maomao cast a cautious glance around, ensuring there were no prying eyes near the wagon before she allowed herself to lean into Jinshi’s side. The heat made it unbearable to stay too close for long, but for now, she let herself rest against him, eyes closing as she mulled over her thoughts.

“If Master Lakan gets desperate enough to try force, we’ll need someone with more power to shut him down completely,” she murmured. “That’s why going to the Emperor might be our best option.”

She exhaled slowly. “If we frame it as a concern for your position and the potential political implications of Lakan’s offer, we might gain the Emperor’s backing. He has no reason to support Lakan over you—especially if we present it as a threat to stability rather than just a personal matter.”

Her fingers tapped lightly against his sleeve. “Of course, that’s assuming the Emperor is willing to involve himself at all. But if we play this carefully, we might be able to make Lakan hesitate before trying anything drastic.”

Jinshi let his head rest atop Maomao’s as soon as she was cuddled against his side.

“Of course my brother will be onboard. We will frame it as you suggest, but I guarantee he will be all for it, considering how relieved he is that I found anyone I was interested in, at all.” Jinshi said with a bit of a bitter smile.

Chapter 18 Chapter Text

Maomao stilled for a moment, her brow furrowing as her teeth lightly clenched together. She hesitated, then let out a quiet sigh.

“There’s also another risk,” she murmured. “Even if I refuse Lakan, it doesn’t change the fact that he is, technically, my father. If I were to… end up with you, that still links our names together, regardless of how much I want nothing to do with him.”

Her fingers curled slightly against the fabric of Jinshi’s sleeve. “That kind of connection—combining his house with yours, even unofficially—creates something unpredictable. An unstructured power house.” She exhaled through her nose, her expression growing more severe. “If we’re not careful, it could be seen as a threat to the imperial family itself.”

She shifted slightly, pressing her fingertips to her temple. “I’m not saying your brother wouldn’t support you, but if the court starts whispering about the implications, we might have a much larger problem on our hands.”

Jinshi hummed, turning to softly kiss her head and hold her tighter to his side.

Screw the heat. He wants her pressed tightly to his side.

“Yeah.. that would certainly be an issue.” With a slow, aggravated sigh, Jinshi let his face bury in Maomao’s hair and he held her tighter to his side. “I’m not sure there’s anything we can do but refuse him and find a different way to go about this..”

The next few days passed in a slow, sweltering haze. The journey had been long, made worse by the relentless heat that settled over them like a thick, suffocating blanket.

By the time they arrived at their destination, the hunting grounds were already buzzing with activity. Servants scurried to set up temporary quarters, noble guests mingled under the shade of elaborate canopies, and the air was thick with the scent of roasting meats and fresh greenery.

Maomao sighed as she wiped the sweat from her brow, glancing around before her gaze landed on Jinshi’s carriage. He hadn’t stepped out yet.

Frowning, she walked closer and peered inside, only to find him still cooped up within, hidden away from the sun and festivities alike.

She crossed her arms, raising an unimpressed eyebrow. “You came all this way just to lock yourself up in here? Should I be concerned you’re about to shrivel up and perish from the heat?”

Jinshi looked at her and gave a nervous little smile.

“Trying to prepare myself before I need to go sit among the people at the table and go out hunting with the group. Technically I don’t have to go hunt, at all, considering I’m merely a guest and I’m only here to watch alongside Shishou. This hunt is to showcase one’s skills and abilities as a warrior. I’ve already done so, given my positions, this is more for our men to participate in and us to oversee and gouge each other’s potential threats to the other side. In case something happens.” Jinshi said as he took a cloth from Gaoshun, gently dabbed the sweat from his forehead, face, and neck, then slipped on the hood that covered all but his eyes before standing.

He took a deep, almost shaky breath before slipping back into his prince persona. An elegant, yet stern air about him as he exited the carriage and went to go to his designated room after greeting the head of the house with a small bow of his head in respect.

Once there, he glanced over the meal presented to him. An arrival meal and he immediately knew it was suspicious. Even as he sat down with all of the blinds and windows closed tight, his mask still on as he sat at the table stiffly.

Maomao sat across from Jinshi, her sharp gaze scanning the dishes with practiced ease. The arrangement was meticulous, the ingredients fresh, but that meant little when one knew how to conceal ill intent within a feast.

She took careful samples, her expression unreadable as she chewed and let the taste settle on her tongue. Then, ever so subtly, she brought a napkin to her lips, masking the smallest twitch in her eye.

Positive.

How fun.

Less fun, however, was the clear fact that someone had just tried to poison Jinshi. And they had only just arrived.

Swallowing back her excitement in favor of urgency, she straightened her posture, setting her chopsticks down neatly. “This meal has been poisoned, but only some dishes.“ Her voice was even, calm, as if she were simply commenting on the weather. Separating left and right, safe from poisoned.

Then, just as abruptly, she pushed away from the table and stood then bowed to Jinshi. “Excuse me.”

Without another word, she turned on her heel and shuffled out of the room with the unhurried, yet deliberate movements of someone who knew exactly what they needed to do next. In this case? Attempt to throw up before the poison made her ill.

—

Gaoshun exhaled sharply, pinching the bridge of his nose as he watched Maomao leave. “That girl is too comfortable dealing with poison,” he muttered, though there was no real reprimand in his tone. He had expected something like this.

Beside him, Basen frowned, arms crossed tightly over his chest. “We should have anticipated this. We’re surrounded by potential enemies, and Master Jinshi’s presence alone is enough to make him a target.”

Gaoshun gave a slow nod, already calculating their next steps. “I’ll investigate the source of the food.”

Basen’s frown deepened, his gaze flickering to Jinshi. “And I’ll be keeping an eye on you, ” he said firmly. “Since someone clearly wants you dead.”

Jinshi sighed and lowered his gaze to the table before standing and turning to follow after Maomao.

Jinshi doubts Basen will let him go after her, especially now that there’s been confirmation his life is on the line.

Still, he has to try. That’s his girl, his Xiaomao. That girl is his and if she’s in trouble, he’s determined to make sure she survives. Even if he’s confident she will.

Basen immediately stepped forward, his arm moving to block Jinshi’s path. “You’re not going anywhere,” he said firmly, his eyes sharp with determination. “You’re the target, Master Jinshi. You should be worrying about yourself right now, not running off into another potential trap.”

Jinshi narrowed his eyes, clearly prepared to push past him, but before he could say anything, Gaoshun placed a steady hand on his son’s shoulder.

“Let him go.”

Basen whipped his head toward his father, eyes wide with disbelief. “But—”

“It’s fine.” Gaoshun didn’t elaborate, didn’t explain himself, but his assurance was enough.

After a tense pause, Basen exhaled sharply, stepping aside with a reluctant glare. “If something happens, I’m blaming you,” he muttered.

—

Maomao knelt over a bucket in the small connected kitchen, her body tense as she forced herself to purge whatever remained of the tainted meal. The acrid taste burned her throat, her stomach twisting in protest, but she worked methodically, taking measured breaths between each wave of nausea.

It wasn’t the worst thing she’d ingested before. The dose wasn’t even meant to kill outright—just build up over time. But still, best to clear it out while she could. Even if she wanted to test it longer.

With one final cough, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and sat back on her heels, exhaling slowly.

Jinshi waited until she was finished, since he didn’t arrive until the tail end. He walked over and knelt down just beside her. He put a gentle hand on her back and began slowly running it up and down in a soothing manner.

He didn’t scold her, he didn’t sigh or ask why she did it, she just helped her by giving her his steady presence.

He didn’t say a word. He just sat there with a hand gently pressed against her back.

Maomao remained still for a moment, catching her breath as Jinshi’s hand traced slow, steady circles along her back.

She finally exhaled and muttered, her voice slightly hoarse, “It’s not a good sign that someone is already trying to incapacitate you this early into the trip.”

Her fingers tightened slightly against the rim of the bucket as she continued, “If they’re starting with something like this, it means they’re planning for the a game. They either expect you to be here for a while… or they’re setting up a situation where you won’t be able to leave.”

She frowned, her tired eyes flicking up toward him. “Did you notice anything unusual about the hosts?”

Jinshi listened as Maomao gave her ideas to him. He nodded slowly, but pulled away. Not for long, just for long enough he could grab a nearby rag and dip it into a nearby bucket of water.

Wetting it, he wrung it out and turned back to Maomao. Gently, he dabbed at her mouth to clean off any dripping saliva and sick. He cleaned her up and kissed the side of her head.

“Come on.. you alright? Feeling better enough to go lay down?” He asked softly, brushing Maomao’s hair from her face and wrapping around her in a protective embrace.

Maomao let out a small huff, half-exasperated, half-appreciative, as Jinshi fussed over her. The cool cloth was soothing, and despite her usual protests about unnecessary affection, she didn’t pull away when he kissed her temple or wrapped his arms around her.

She rested her forehead briefly against his shoulder, taking a slow breath before mumbling, “I’m fine. Just needed to get it out of my system.”

Even so, she didn’t immediately move to stand. The weight of his arms around her, the warmth of him against her…it was… nice. She let herself linger for a moment longer before sighing.

“I should analyze what’s left of the food before they try to dispose of it. If they planned to poison you, we need to figure out what exactly they used.” She tilted her head up slightly, glancing at him from beneath her lashes. “But I suppose lying down for a bit first wouldn’t hurt.”

Jinshi hummed and ran his fingers carefully through her hair. “Xiaomao, love, I will be sure they leave the food untouched while you rest.”

He then stood and lifted his Maomao into his arms. No one would see, the entire building was void of people and all windows were tightly shut. No one would see them like this except Basen and Gaoshun.

Maomao sighed, though she didn’t fight being lifted into Jinshi’s arms. She merely folded her arms over her chest and gave him a pointed look.

“I am fine, you know. An upset stomach won’t kill me.” Her voice was dry, but there was no real bite behind it.

Still, as much as she appreciated the care, her mind was already spinning with thoughts. Two attempts on the imperial family in such a short time frame—it couldn’t be a coincidence. She glanced toward the door, her brows furrowing.

“If we can determine exactly what was used, we might be able to find a link between this and the previous attempt.” Her fingers drummed idly against her arm. “The timing is too convenient. If someone is getting bold enough to try this now, it means they’re either desperate or think they’re untouchable.”

She huffed. “I hate to admit it, but if I do rest, I’ll only be thinking about it the entire time.”

Jinshi huffed out a small laugh as he cradled her close. “I know you’re okay, but that never stops me from worrying and caring for you. I’m not trying to treat you as something fragile. This is more for my own selfish reasons.” He said as he looked down at Maomao and gave her a teasing little wink before focusing back on where he was going.

“You’re welcome to think about it all you want. Physical rest and mental rest are two very different things.” Jinshi said as he opened the door to his room and brought her to his bed. He lay her down and sat on the edge of it while looking towards Baden and Gaoshun.

“Make sure the food doesn’t get tossed. She wishes to look over it and see what kind of poison was used.”

Chapter 19 Chapter Text

Gaoshun gave a small bow of his head in acknowledgment. “Of course, young master. I’ll ensure it remains untouched until the little miss is ready to examine it.” His voice was calm, professional as always, though there was a hint of amusement in his eyes at Jinshi’s protectiveness.

Basen , however, folded his arms over his chest and sighed. “She should be resting since she decided to act crazy and willingly eat poison.” he muttered, though he made no move to argue further. He knew better than to challenge either Jinshi or Maomao when they were set on something.

Gaoshun cast his son a knowing look before turning back to Jinshi. “I’ll have it stored safely. It will be ready whenever Lady Maomao wishes.” With that, he motioned for Basen to follow, and the two men stepped out to handle the task.

A few hours later, Maomao stirred. The room was dimly lit, the air heavy with the lingering warmth of the day. She blinked a few times before slipping quietly out of bed, careful not to disturb Jinshi.

Her steps were silent as she moved toward where the food had been set aside. With practiced ease, she uncovered it, her sharp eyes scanning the dishes. Her fingers lightly traced the edges of a plate before she took a small sample, carefully testing for remaining traces of poison.

Her lips pursed. She had her suspicions, but she needed to be certain. Because what poison would slip in going unnoticed and be slow acting? She could taste it but it hadn’t fully hit yet.

Jinshi watched from where he sat on the edge of the bed, a book in hand. He had requested it a while ago, knowing it would take a bit before Maomao let herself get up.

When she did, he waited patiently. He stiffened when she tasted a bit of the food, again, and sighed, pinching his nose, but he didn’t stop her. He just waited patiently. Silently. He really didn’t want a repeat of her needing to make herself sick, but he also knows tasting poisons are the only real way of understanding what kind it is.

Maomao let out a quiet sigh as she set the dish back down, her fingers tapping against the table in thought.

“I can’t say with complete certainty what the poison is,” she admitted, annoyance flickering in her tone. “Not without my ingredients from the outer palace. And you—” she shot a glance at Jinshi, knowing full well what he’d say if she suggested it, “—won’t let me test it on myself properly.”

She crossed her arms and exhaled through her nose before turning back to him, her expression set with quiet determination. “That means I’ll be tasting all of your meals from now on. Just to be sure.”

She said it simply, as if it were the most logical conclusion in the world. As if it were already decided.

Jinshi gave Maomao a stern look the moment she mentioned testing the poison more on herself, then sighed with relief. She’s right, he won’t ever let her do such a thing.

Standing from the edge of the bed he walked to her side and put a gentle hand on her shoulder. “I’m afraid it won’t be that simple. Here, in this building, I’m just Jinshi, but out there, I’m the masked moon prince. I know I said earlier that this hunt is for judging each other’s armies should a quarrel break out, but in reality it’s a judgement of me. The crown prince of the empire. To judge if I’d make a good ruler, should something happen to the current emperor. To make sure I can lead what stations I’m supposedly already leading from a distance as my.. Illnesses keep me from formal public appearances. Hence the mask and Gaoshun here as ‘Master Jinshi’s’ representative. Meaning I will be the main guest in banquets. Whatever food you taste or test will not be what I’m given. Not after it’s handed to me and you will be unable to test what it is I’m eating. Therefore..” he won’t be eating anything given to him. Just what little Gaoshun brought.

It’s fine, though, he’d been expecting this invite for some time, since it’s an annual thing, so he’s been prepping himself with fasting. Hence his lack of eating the past few weeks.

He may have gone a bit overboard, considering how badly he worried Maomao almost to the point of panic. Gaoshun too, despite knowing what he was doing and why.

Maomao stared at him for a long moment, her lips pressing into a thin line. Then, with an exasperated sigh, she simply shrugged.

“Then I’ll cook for you in private,” she said matter-of-factly, as if it was the most obvious solution in the world. “Meals that will help maintain your appetite while being safe to consume. No other hands will touch it but mine and yours.”

She tilted her head slightly, studying him with sharp eyes. “I don’t care how much you’ve been preparing for this. Starving yourself isn’t an option. Especially within such dangerous grounds here.

Her tone was firm, leaving no room for argument.

Jinshi gave Maomao a gentle smile and reached out to softly hold her hand in his.

“Love, we still don’t have much, by means of resources to cook. A lot of what we brought will be used for the journey back home, and stealing from our hosts kitchens could be cause for war, or an uprising, of some kind. I’m sorry, my love, but there isn’t much we can do. Just.. if you do cook for me, don’t make much and be sure there’s enough for the entire caravan to eat on the way home.”

Jinshi squeezed her hand and brought it up to his lips, giving her a gentle smile. “I love you. Thank you for caring, so much.”

Maomao sighed, frustration clear in the furrow of her brows. She leaned into him for a moment, letting his warmth steady her, but then, without a word, she pulled away.

A sudden wave of nausea hit her, and she barely made it across the room before she was heaving into a bucket again.

She grit her teeth, gripping the edge of the container tightly as she spat the last of the bile from her mouth. Damn it. The poison was stronger than she initially thought if just a light taste was enough to make her this sick.

After a moment, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, breathing heavily. “Tch. Well that was more potent than I expected,” she muttered, more annoyed than anything else.

Jinshi was suddenly very glad he requested another cloth, bucket and water bucket when he requested the book.

He grabbed a dampened cloth and followed after Maomao. He fell to his knees and dabbed at her face, just as he had before. All while pulling her hair back with his other hand to keep it safe from the sick.

“Just breathe through it, my love. What kind of poison is possible of such feats? Just a small taste and you’re on the floor, sick. If this was for the crown prince, a supposedly very sickly man, it would likely kill him. They were aiming to kill me. Not quickly, either. This wouldn’t elicit a swift death. It would be slow and painful. They wish for me to suffer, before I die..” Jinshi whispered, feeling a small shiver run up his spine.

With a slow, shaky breath, Jinshi finished cleaning off Maomao’s face and went back to the food. He grabbed a pair of chopsticks, then shifted some of the food on the plate with a grimace.

“I’m glad you’re here.” He said, giving Maomao as gentle a smile as he could manage, “I don’t know what I would do without you..”

Maomao took the cup of water from the table, swishing it in her mouth before spitting it back into the bucket. Her movements were precise, practiced—this wasn’t the first time she’d had to clear poison from her system, and it likely wouldn’t be the last. Hell, she does it to herself constantly.

Once satisfied that the bitter taste was gone, she wiped her mouth and approached the food again, her gaze narrowing.

“Something like this…” she muttered, mind already sorting through the possibilities. “If it was meant to be a slow-acting poison for someone already assumed to be frail, then it’s likely something that builds in the body over time.”

Her fingers hovered over the plate, not touching but studying, eyes sharp.

“There are a few possibilities. One is Datura extract. It causes dizziness, nausea, and hallucinations in small amounts. In a person already weak, it could cause organ failure over time. But this reaction…” She glanced toward the bucket she had just used. “That was stronger than I’d expect from a light taste.”

She moved the chopsticks slightly, watching how the sauce clung unnaturally to the food.

“It could also be Monkshood. Aconitine poisoning. It numbs the mouth and throat, disrupts the heartbeat, and eventually causes respiratory failure. If this was given in small doses over days, it would weaken the body enough to make an ‘illness’ seem natural.”

She exhaled through her nose, rubbing her temple. “There’s also Aristolochia —snake-root. Tasteless in wine, but lethal over time. It causes kidney failure, especially in those who are already malnourished or weak. While it’s not commonly put into food it could slip into the broth if these dishes...”

Her eyes flicked to Jinshi.

If he had eaten this…

She didn’t finish the thought. Instead, she straightened, exhaling sharply. “I need to test it properly. But whoever did this wasn’t trying to make it seem like an accident—not with this concentration. They either got impatient or wanted to make a statement.”

Jinshi messed with the poisoned food as Maomao spoke, his eyes glued to the very thing meant to kill him.

Then..

‘It causes kidney failure, especially in those who are already malnourished or weak..’

Maomao didn’t have to finish her sentence. Jinshi already knew the truth.

With a slow nod of his head, Jinshi carefully set the chopsticks down and turned for the bucket. He rinsed his hands then ushered for Maomao to do the same, incase there were lingering poisons on the utensils themselves. Jinshi honestly wouldn’t put it past these people.

If they want him dead this badly?

…well..

“We can inform Gaoshun of this matter later. For now, we should get some rest. The event officially starts tomorrow. We need to be prepared for anything. Would you like to rest here with me, or in your own quarters? Everyone staying in this building already knows of us, so it wouldn’t be improper of us.”

Maomao gave Jinshi a flat look, arms crossing over her chest. “It would be improper,” she pointed out dryly. “Just because the people in this building know doesn’t mean it wouldn’t cause an issue if someone started talking. We’re not married, and even if we don’t care what others think, you have an image to maintain.”

She sighed, rubbing her temple. “Besides, Basen would make an absolute mess of things if he got the wrong impression. Even if Gaoshun is… supportive , I can’t afford to give in.”

Without waiting for another argument, she grabbed the tray of poisoned food, handling it carefully. “I’ll be in my own room. Get some rest, Master J- Yue...”

With that, she turned and left, moving toward the kitchen where she could properly dispose of the poisoned meal before heading to her quarters. There, she stripped off her outer robe, wiped herself down with a damp cloth, and finally slipped into bed.

Her mind was still running through the possibilities—the poison, the culprit, the implications. But exhaustion was stronger.

Within minutes, she was asleep.

Jinshi pouted the moment Maomao was gone. He already missed her presence and she’d only been gone a second, or so.

Sighing, he turned to go lie in bed, but paused at the sight of the bucket.

With a wrinkle of his nose, he grabbed the object and set it outside his bedroom door, then called for Gaoshun. Then he just locked himself in his room and sat on his bed.

He feels exposed, now. He doubts he’ll be able to sleep much, if at all.. not with the knowledge he’s being targeted more openly here than he was at home.

Still, he tried his best and managed a few hours. Enough that he could properly function come morning at the big opening banquet.

He got through the first day with no incident, although from lack of food, he was overheating and he knew he couldn’t last much longer like this.

By the second day, he could feel his consciousness slipping. He couldn’t afford that, here. Not in front of everyone. So he stood from his place and bowed his head and gave a weak apology and promise to return before he disappeared from the room, the building, and the estate. He ran far, in a place where no eyes could see him as he did nearly collapse to the dirt, but managed to lean against a tree in the forest, instead.

He feels dizzy, lightheaded and maybe like he might get sick. He couldn’t have been poisoned.. he never touched the food, not utensils, he’s only just sat there. Maybe there’s something in the incense? Or the candles closest him? Could that be it? Or is he just overheating. Either way, he can’t afford to pass out in the company of so many people.

Maomao moved swiftly through the trees, her heart pounding harder than she cared to admit. Gaoshun’s look had been brief but urgent—he didn’t need to say a word. She knew something was wrong.

When she finally caught sight of Jinshi, leaning heavily against a tree, she hesitated for only a moment before closing the distance between them. His face was pale, his breathing uneven. Whether it was from heat, poison, or sheer exhaustion, she didn’t know yet.

“Sir.”

Her voice was quieter than usual as she knelt beside him, one hand reaching up to rest gently against his cheek. His skin was burning up.

“I brought water,” she murmured, shifting to pull the small flask from her sash. She uncapped it and pressed it lightly against his lips. “Can you drink?”

Jinshi flinched the moment he heard footsteps, lowering his face to hide. He was about to ask who it was before he saw Maomao’s shoes and let out a sigh of relief.

He gave her a curt nod of his head, then glanced around to make sure no one was nearby. He couldn’t risk being seen. He lowered his face more, despite needing to drink the water and kept his voice soft. “There’s no one around, yes? My face can’t be seen.”

He opened the mask up again and slipped it back on with shaky hands, then grabbed the flask and carefully pulled the fabric aside to take a quick drink.

He handed it back to Maomao and lowered his face again, mask still on and back in place.

“It’s just us,” Maomao assured him, glancing around once more to be certain. The trees stood silent, the only sound the distant hum of festivities far from where they were. Still, even after drinking, he wasn’t cooling down. His breathing was shallow, and his posture was unsteady.

She frowned, glancing around, then remembered—the stream nearby. It wasn’t far, and with everyone occupied, there was little risk of them being seen.

Without another word, she reached for his hand. Her fingers curled around his, firm yet careful. “Come with me,” she said, tugging him lightly. “Trust me.”

She didn’t give him much choice, leading him forward through the trees, towards the water.

Jinshi immediately clung to her hand in return and let the smallest of smiles tug at his lips.

“I always trust you.” He whispered before following silently.

He did his best to keep up and to keep from stumbling and passing out. He kept his gaze locked on the ground and watched his every step to keep himself upright.

When they got it to the river bank, he was gently sat against a rock and he lifted his mask from his face, again. They were so much farther from the festivities, now, and everyone else should be distracted by the banquet and won’t be coming after them except for his own people. So he felt safe enough to lift it, yet not safe enough to be on the side of the rock facing the trees.

Maomao knelt beside him, dipping the rag she brought into the cool stream before wringing it out. Without hesitation, she brought it to his face, gently dabbing at the sweat clinging to his skin.

She worked in silence at first, carefully wiping along his forehead, down his temples, and along his jaw. Then, almost absentmindedly, she murmured, “You go through a lot of trouble to hide your face.”

Her voice wasn’t accusatory, just quietly curious. She knew why, at least on the surface—his supposed frailty, the political games, the mystery surrounding the Masked Moon Prince. But sometimes, watching him like this, struggling under the weight of it all, she wondered if there was more to it.

Still, she didn’t pry. Instead, she ran the cloth down the back of his neck, watching him closely for any sign of relief.

Jinshi’s eyes were still hardened and he still took in sharp, labored breaths. He was definitely getting a little better, but not enough so he would feel comfortable returning to the party.

He did close his eyes and relax, letting Maomao do what she needed to do without interruption and without making it difficult on her.

“Heh.. if they knew that Jinshi and the crown prince were one and the same, upon my return it won’t be as Jinshi, but as the prince Zuigetsu. The man who has been hidden for years due to fragility that, at first, had been true but vanished over time. Still have my moments, but they’re rare, now.” Jinshi said with a soft huff and a small twitch of his lips. He felt at peace, here. Maomao in front of him, and the sounds of the river beside them..

Of course peace is never something a hidden Prince can keep for long as suddenly there was a loud noise and the dirt next to them was disturbed by something fast and powerful.

Jinshi immediately sat up straighter and looked to the trees, mask back fully in place. He caught sight of the culprits, but they too, were masked.

He watched them aim and quickly, he fell forward, pushing Maomao out of the way and cradling her in his arms in the process. Then he scooped her up and ran, leaping across rocks heading for the edge of the waterfall.

Jumping off the cliff and over the waterfall, he didn’t feel as his leg got nicked, far too focused on protecting Maomao.

One moment, Maomao was wiping the sweat from Jinshi’s face, the cool water soothing against his heated skin. The next, the earth beside them exploded, sending a sharp spray of dirt and stone into the air.

She barely had time to register the sound before Jinshi was moving. A force slammed into her, and suddenly, she was in his arms, the world tilting violently as he ran.

What—? Her heart pounded as she twisted to look over his shoulder, catching a glimpse of masked figures through the trees. An attack. Here? Now? Her mind reeled, trying to process why they were being targeted in the middle of the day, in the middle of nowhere.

Then, before she could demand to know what he was thinking—before she could even breathe—Jinshi jumped.

The roar of the waterfall swallowed her scream. The wind rushed past, cold and sharp as a knife, and she clung to Jinshi with every bit of strength she had.

Then—impact.

The water struck like solid stone, knocking the breath from her lungs. The world exploded into darkness and chaos.

The cold swallowed her whole. She tumbled, weightless, the current seizing her limbs and wrenching her downward. Disoriented, she couldn’t tell which way was up, which way was down—the water surged in every direction, relentless and unyielding.

Her lungs burned. She tried to move, but she had no sense of her body, no sense of where she was supposed to go. Her arms, her legs—everything was useless against the pull of the river.

Her vision blurred, black creeping at the edges. Through the churning dark, she caught a glimpse of something— someone —reaching for her.

Then the current pulled her under, and everything faded to black..

Well then…not how she thought she would die, but wasn’t out of the realm of possibility for her..

Chapter 20 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Jinshi jumped into the water, completely prepared for the sudden water. He swam the moment he gathered himself under the water.

He noticed Maomao sinking rather immediately and swiftly went after her. He followed her down until he could gather her in his arms.

Then he pushed himself harder to swim up under the current, under the aggressive push of the waterfall and with his many layers weighing him down.

He managed to get behind the waterfall, into a large opening behind it, and got Maomao on land first before forcing his aching limbs to lift himself onto the ledge.

It took him all of one second to let himself rest before he was scrambling to bring Maomao back to him.

He noticed she wasn’t breathing and immediately panicked. Can commoners not swim!? He quickly got to work with compressions, one, two, three, to thirty, then he brought his mouth to hers, forcing air into her lungs, then back to compressions until she was coughing up the water. Then he pushed her to her side facing away from him and didn’t let himself be relieved until she was breathing on her own.

The first thing Maomao felt was pain.

Her lungs burned, her chest heaved, and her body convulsed as water forced itself out of her throat in violent, wrenching coughs. She gasped for air, choking, trembling uncontrollably. The cold still gripped her, ice sinking deep into her bones, and everything around her was a blur of rushing water and damp stone.

What happened?

She struggled to focus, her breath coming in sharp, ragged gasps. Then—Jinshi. His face swam into view, frantic and hovering too close. His clothes were soaked through, clinging to his skin, his eyes wide with something that looked too much like fear.

“W-What—” Her voice barely scraped out, rough and weak. She swallowed thickly, trying to get a grip on her surroundings, trying to remember what had happened, why she was—

Her gaze dropped.

A dark stain seeped through the fabric of Jinshi’s soaked robes, trailing down his leg and mixing with the water.

Blood.

Her body reacted before her mind could catch up. She pushed herself up onto shaking arms, half-collapsing into him, her fingers immediately reaching for the wound. “You’re hurt.” Her voice came out hoarse, weaker than she wanted, but she tightened her grip. “Let me see.”

She barely registered her own shivering, the way her breath still came too fast, or how the world still swayed at the edges of her vision. None of that mattered. Not when Jinshi had jumped off a cliff like an absolute fool, not when he had shielded her, pulled her out of the river, and was now bleeding.

“Jinshi.” Her fingers curled against his robes, demanding. “Let me see it.”

Jinshi jumped when Maomao suddenly sprang forward at him like he was about to die, or something. He stumbled onto his ass as she fell against his chest and reached for whatever wound she spoke of.

Glancing to where she was trying to reach, he understood, but he didn’t let her look at it. Not yet.

“No, wait. Stop. Love, calm down, it’s fine. It’s just a scratch. I’ll be fine. You worry about yourself, first. Try and breathe, you just drowned and stopped breathing entirely, for a while there. You scared the hell out of me. Are you not able to swim?”

It baffles him, the thought of someone not knowing how to swim. Everyone he knows, can swim. Is it just a royal thing? Maybe he should give the servants a place to learn. Maybe get a few people to help teach them? More valuable life lessons? Let them learn and take their skills out to others and teach the rest of his people. He didn’t realize things were this bad outside the palace walls..

Women can’t read, can’t write, no one except a select few can swim, food is scarce and bland, unless you have a lot of money and women being sold off as courtesans and concubines just to feed a family.

Something has to change. Something..

But what? And how? He hasn’t a clue..

Maomao scowled through the lingering coughs and burning in her throat, her hands still pushing against Jinshi’s soaked robes as he tried— tried —to keep her from inspecting his injury. She barely had the energy to glare at him, but that didn’t stop her from trying.

“Of course I can’t swim,” she rasped, still heaving breaths between words. “Why would I? What commoner needs to swim when we live nowhere near the sea? We don’t exactly take leisurely swims in the canals for fun, Jinshi.”

Her fingers clenched tighter around the damp fabric at his thigh, her entire body still trembling from the cold and the shock of—of— drowning. It was strange to think about it now, but she had drowned. She had felt herself sink, had felt the water claim her lungs, had felt—

Maomao squeezed her eyes shut and pushed the thought away. She was here. Alive. That was all that mattered.

Forcing her body to cooperate, she exhaled a shaky breath and fixed Jinshi with a look that was probably more pathetic than threatening, given how she was still struggling to sit properly. “You’re bleeding,” she said again, her voice quieter now, but no less insistent. “I drowned, sure. But you jumped off a cliff after getting shot at. I’ll take care of myself later. Now let me see. ”

She didn’t wait for permission this time. Whether he protested or not, she grabbed at the soaked fabric near his wound, determined to inspect it no matter how much he tried to brush it off.

Jinshi sighed as Maomao insisted on seeing the scratch. He gave in with a small roll of his eyes and let her do as she pleased.

“You know, all you had to do to get my pants off was ask~” he teased with a small, shaky smirk.

Jinshi pulled out from under her and stood up, reaching to do exactly that so she could see it better. He wasn’t shy with her plus he’s sure she’s seen plenty so he has no real reason to be shy about it.

Maomao’s entire body froze.

Her fingers, which had just been reaching for his soaked robes to inspect the wound, went rigid as soon as Jinshi started loosening them further. Her eyes locked onto his hands with a dawning sense of horror—

—because he was actually doing it.

He was going to undress. In front of her.

Her patient’s health should be her priority. It should be. And yet, as her brain rapidly processed what was about to happen, another thought screamed louder—

— Master Jinshi, who she now knew was Prince Zuigetsu, was about to be naked from the waist down right in front of her.

Her face ignited.

Maomao immediately turned away, shuffling backward so quickly that she nearly lost her balance on the damp stone floor. “Th-That’s not necessary!” she sputtered, slapping both hands over her face for good measure. “Just—just pull the fabric up or something! I don’t need to see— all of you!”

She hated how flustered she sounded. Absolutely despised it. But she was already struggling to process the fact that she had nearly died—now she had to cope with this too?!

Jinshi chuckled softly, watching Maomao be flustered. “Alright, if you don’t wish to see the wound, then I will merely leave my pants on.”

Jinshi then turned to look around the cave to see if he can find a way out.

“I wonder if there’s a way out of here..?” He mumbled before his eyes landed back on Maomao who still sat flustered.

He chuckled and moved closer to her, again, only to brush a finger just under her chin and turning her to face him.

“Hey, my love, no need to be so shy~ I know I’m pretty, but you shouldn’t be ashamed of your own looks. You’re beautiful, too. Despite what you attempt with those freckles, I think they’re adorable. You’re beautiful~ my pretty little apothecary~” he cooed before leaning in to press his lips against hers.

Maomao stiffened the moment Jinshi touched her chin, her protests forming instantly. “I-It’s not about that!” she huffed, her voice still slightly breathless from everything that had just happened. “It’s improper because we aren’t—mmh—”

Her words were abruptly stolen as Jinshi leaned in and kissed her.

Her mind stilling.

It wasn’t the first time he had done something bold like this, but it still sent a shock through her system every time. Her hands clenched at her sides, her body tense, and for a brief moment, she considered pulling away.

But…

His lips were warm despite the cold water. His touch was gentle, coaxing rather than demanding.

And after the near-drowning, the attack, and the exhaustion weighing down her limbs, the warmth was… nice.

Her shoulders slowly relaxed. Her hands hesitated before resting lightly against his chest, not quite pushing him away but not fully pulling him closer either.

Just for a moment, she allowed herself to lean into him.

When she finally pulled back, her cheeks were still burning, but she did her best to glare at him anyway. “You always do things out of order,” she muttered. “First, we should be married. Then you can—” She cut herself off, pressing her lips together, realizing too late that she had definitely just given him more fuel for his teasing.

With a defeated sigh, she finally huffed, “Fine. But at least let me see the wound properly, or I swear, I will scold you until we escape this cave.”

Jinshi chuckled, leaning in more as soon as Maomao eluded to that.

“Oh~? So you’re not against the idea? You wish to marry me~?” He teased, not at all serious on the matter and making his voice light. He wasn’t about to seriously make the offer, he knows Maomao isn’t ready, yet.

“If you truly wish to wait until marriage, I shall wait with you. Although, I’d rather adorable that you wish to wait, even though you grew up in a brothel.” Jinshi teased again, kissing Maomao’s head before pulling back.

“Anyways, about the injury, I wasn’t kidding. If you wish to see the injury properly, it’s on my upper thigh, brushing a bit of my hip. So which do you want? To see and tend to the injury, or remain as we are, now. The choice is yours, darling.”

Maomao groaned, pressing her hands against her flushed face in exasperation. “You always twist my words,” she muttered, voice muffled behind her fingers.

She peeked at him through her hands, only to scowl as he kissed her head so casually —as if he hadn’t just sent her brain into complete disarray.

And then, of course, he had to make that choice her problem.

Her eye twitched.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” she accused, narrowing her eyes at him. “Making me decide between propriety and my duty as a healer.”

With a sigh, she forced herself to focus. Fine. If it was just an upper thigh wound, she could work around it.

“…You don’t need to take them off, ” she grumbled, crossing her arms. “Just pull them down enough for me to clean and bandage the wound. If you try to tease me about it, I will smack you.”

She pointed a warning finger at him before rummaging through the few supplies she had. “Now sit down hold still and behave. ”

Jinshi smirked, tilting his head and humming softly. “Of course I’m having fun~ you’re cute when flustered~” he cooed before sitting tall as soon as she-

Well..

‘Now sit down, hold still, and behave.’

…well, if that wasn’t arousing, Jinshi doesn’t know what is.

He did as told, sitting on a rock and waiting to be told what to do next.

Although, he may have a soft blush on his cheeks, he doesn’t let the smirk fade. It remains stubbornly on his thin lips, and his gaze remained flirty.

Maomao huffed, deliberately ignoring the smirk on Jinshi’s lips as she knelt beside him. She pulled his pants away just enough to assess the damage, her fingers precise and clinical as she examined the wound.

A graze. Bleeding, but not deep. No stitches needed, at least.

She exhaled through her nose, relieved but irritated all the same. “It should be fine,” she muttered. “But you’ll need to clean it properly once we get back.”

Her hands lingered for a moment before she finally looked up, expression darkening with a frown.

“…Why?” she asked, voice quieter now. “Why did you jump?”

Her grip on the fabric of his pants tightened slightly.

“You could have gotten us both killed.”

Jinshi shook his head, face turning stern as she assessed his injury.

“It was our only chance. They had weapons I’ve only seen once, before. When we were presented the offer to buy them, but we denied the offer. I saw what those things are capable of. If I hadn’t jumped, then we would’ve been eventually killed. I wasn’t about to just throw you off the ledge, either. It’s impossible to outrun those things. This was our only hope.” Jinshi said with a deep frown.

His usual aloof behavior completely dissipated. Before Maomao now, was neither Jinshi the playboy, nor Jinshi the brilliant eunuch.

This was Prince Zuigetsu, sitting before her and tiredly, yet sternly explaining the details of the weapon. There would be no escape, except to get completely out of range in a way that hiding would’ve only delayed their deaths and running would’ve had less a chance of survival.

So jumping was the only way to survive. Even if it was a small chance, it was better than the weapons atop the waterfall.

This way would also make the shooters believe they were dead and wouldn’t follow after them to hunt the duo down.

Jinshi explained this to Maomao, all with the serious expression and tone he used to give the details on the powerful weapons above them. The unavoidable truth of the matter..

Maomao stayed quiet for a moment, studying Jinshi’s face—the sharp seriousness in his eyes, the weight in his voice. Gone was the man who teased and flirted with her at every opportunity. In his place sat the hidden prince, the man burdened with decisions she could barely fathom.

She exhaled slowly, letting the tension settle in her chest before she nodded. “I understand.”

They didn’t have time to dwell on it. They were still stranded here, and their attackers might still be searching.

“We need to move,” she said, glancing deeper into the cave. “We don’t know how long we’ll be safe here. If we can find another way out, we should take it.”

“If we follow the cave, it might lead somewhere we can escape from. And the sooner we get out, the sooner we can let the others know we’re still alive.”

Her gaze flickered back to Jinshi, firm but expectant. “Can you walk?” Thought she didn’t yet stand, still kneeled infront of him.

Jinshi nodded, standing rather easily and holding an arm out for her.

“I can see light away from the waterfall. It isn’t entirely dark here, meaning there has to be an opening farther, that way.” Jinshi said as he pointed down the path.

“Now the question lays, can you stand?” He asked her, watching closely without forcing himself to fall back into his ‘Jinshi persona’. He let his tiredness remain, his deeply hidden self that’s been overworked and overthrown in so many ways. He’s so tired underneath everything. Exhausted to the point he hid to try and find a moments breath.

Alas, he has a feeling this moment of rest won’t last much longer. He knows more trouble will be coming, around. Something that will force his hand and make him reveal his truths.

Maomao hesitated for only a second before she pushed herself upright. The moment she did, her legs trembled beneath her, unsteady from exhaustion and the lingering shock of nearly drowning. No…she definitely actually drowned. She exhaled sharply, willing herself to stay upright.

She didn’t have time to be weak.

Her fingers curled into the damp fabric of her sleeves, grounding herself, before she gave Jinshi a firm nod. “I can walk,” she insisted, though the slight shake in her stance betrayed her. “We should go now before we lose too much time.”

Still, she didn’t immediately move, taking a slow breath to calm her body. She wouldn’t be a burden—not when they needed to get out of here as quickly as possible.

When she was sure she had control of herself, she turned toward the path Jinshi had pointed out though she admittedly had secretly grabbed his sleeve, just in case. “Let’s go.”

Maomao wasn’t so secretive when grabbing Jinshi’s sleeve. He noticed immediately, but he didn’t say anything about it.

He just let her do as she needed and started walking.

He could see the way her knees shook and the way she wobbled as they walked, but again, he didn’t say a word. He just continued on.

All the way until they came upon an exit and the end of the cave. Unfortunately the exit was far too high for either of them to reach on their own.

“Well then. Maybe you can climb on my shoulders and we can escape that way? After you rest a bit, of course. You’re trembling.” Jinshi said, as if he wasn’t also trembling from the cold.

Maomao huffed, crossing her arms. “I said I’m fine,” she insisted, though the slight tremor in her voice didn’t help her case. She glanced up at the exit, gauging the distance before pursing her lips. “Still… it’s not proper for me to stand on you like that.”

But propriety wasn’t exactly a concern when they were stranded in a cave, cold, wet, and at risk of being found.. or worse not found. With a deep sigh, she relented. “Fine. Let’s just get out of here.”

Ignoring her exhaustion, she let Jinshi help her onto his shoulders, steadying herself as best she could. Her fingers reached for the rough edges of the rock above, nails scraping against the damp stone. She braced herself and pulled, her arms straining as she tried to hoist herself up.

Then—her grip slipped.

Her body lurched backward as her knees buckled, the exhaustion and lingering weakness betraying her. Her breath hitched as she tumbled, unable to stop the inevitable.

And then—everything went down.

Jinshi managed, just barely, to catch her as they tumbled to the stone floor below. He barely managed to keep his head up enough to keep from getting a head injury. He protected Maomao from hurting herself, too.

He sighed in relief as they lay there on the cave floor, his head falling gently back against the rock and his breaths coming out a bit stiff and shaky. After a fall like that, he was definitely sore, but..

The light behind Maomao’s head, coming in from the opening in the ceiling, seemed to give her a bit of a halo. She looked so pretty, lying on top of him, like this..

Gods, he wants her closer..

…

Wait, no. Maomao said she wished to wait. So he will wait.

Well.. for that, he will wait, but kissing? Jinshi couldn’t hold himself back. He brought a hand up to her cheek, slowly bringing her down until their lips were gently slotted together.

He wasn’t being pushy, as always, he wasn’t demanding. Just gentle, soft, light enough he could be pushed back rather easily, if she wanted to.

Maomao barely had time to process the fall before she realized she wasn’t in pain—Jinshi had caught her. Again.

She could feel his unsteady breaths beneath her, the rise and fall of his chest against her own. Her fingers curled slightly into his damp robes as she shifted, prepared to push herself upright and scold him for being reckless again —

But then his hand was on her cheek, warm despite the cold, and he was guiding her downward.

Her breath hitched as their lips met. It was soft, hesitant, never demanding. Just… there . A gentle warmth against the chill clinging to her skin.

She should move. She should . But instead, she found herself lingering, her lashes fluttering closed for just a moment.

Just one moment.

Then, with a sharp inhale, she pulled back slightly, eyes flickering over his face. “You keep risking your life,” she muttered, though her voice lacked its usual bite. “You’re going to make me run out of ways to yell at you.”

Despite her words, her fingers hadn’t quite let go of his robes yet.

Jinshi gave her a soft smile and small shaky of his head.

“Maybe that’s the plan~?” He cooed, but the teasing didn’t reach his eyes. Instead, there was a mix of adoration and exhaustion swirling together in a weird mix.

Jinshi smiled softly at Maomao, leaning up for another soft press of lips before he relaxed against the rocks. He kept his hold on her tight, yet gentle. His eyes slipping closed and head falling back. Again. He felt so sleepy, yet..

The way Maomao lay on him. Where her legs lay and shifted when she tried to get up a moment ago. The way she shifted-

Nope.

“Uh-.. Xiaomao.. would you, uh..” he didn’t want her to get up. He wants to keep hold of her, but.. she was also.. very terribly positioned on top of him.

Maomao blinked at Jinshi’s sudden hesitation, brows furrowing in mild confusion—until realization struck.

Her lips parted slightly, an apology forming, and she quickly shifted, pushing herself upright. “Ah—sorry,” she murmured, her voice unusually quiet.

The moment she sat up, however, a wave of dizziness struck. She swayed slightly, one hand coming up to press against her temple as she mumbled, “…Perhaps you were right. Resting might be wise.”

Her gaze flickered down to Jinshi, his breathing still slightly unsteady, his soaked robes clinging uncomfortably to his frame. She hesitated only a moment before sighing, then wordlessly settled back down—this time with her head resting lightly against his chest.

“It’s for warmth,” she muttered, eyes slipping shut. “We’re both still soaked.”

It wasn’t a lie. But if she let herself admit—just for a second—that the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath her ear was oddly comforting… well.

That was no one’s business but her own. Resting here for a little while will also probably do them both some good.

Maomao exhaled slowly, steadying herself as she took in their surroundings once more. Now that her heart wasn’t hammering in her chest for other reasons, she could focus on the more pressing matter—escaping this cave. Dying is truly exhilarating.

Her sharp eyes flickered over the rocky walls, searching for anything they might have missed earlier. She was just about to step forward when a distant sound made her freeze.

A bark.

Her head snapped up, ears straining. Had she imagined it? No, there it was again—closer this time.

Without hesitation, she lifted two fingers to her lips and let out a sharp, practiced whistle. The sound echoed briefly before fading.

A few tense seconds passed, then—movement. Shuffling above, loose stones tumbling down the incline. A shadow appeared at the cave’s entrance, and then—

“ Finally. ”

Lihaku and his dog emerged, his sharp gaze scanning the area before landing on them.

Maomao barely suppressed the sigh of relief that escaped her lips. She quickly composed herself, straightening her posture as she silently smoothed her now-dry robes.

Not a word— not a single word —would be spoken of what had transpired in this cave. That should remain between her and Jinshi.

Should. It should remain between him and Maomao.

Unfortunately, Gaoshun is far too perceptive and the moment the man laid his eyes upon Jinshi, he knew.

“Jinshi.” No formalities. No attempts at asking if he was alright. Just his cover name and a look and Jinshi was immediately sheepish.

Gaoshun next grabbed Jinshi by the sleeve and dragged him away to have a chat, leaving Lihaku and Maomao alone in the woods.

Meanwhile, Lihaku watched, entirely confused, but didn’t bother asking. Instead, he turned to Maomao’s side with concern.

“Are you alright? What happened, how did you end up down there?”

Basen exhaled sharply, arms crossed as his sharp gaze flickered between Maomao and the direction Jinshi had been dragged off. His concern had been primarily for Jinshi’s absence—Maomao was capable, after all—but the moment he got a good look at her, something felt off.

She looked… different . Not just shaken from the ordeal, but like something significant had shifted. He narrowed his eyes slightly but said nothing just yet.

Meanwhile, Maomao brushed dust off her sleeves, exhaling through her nose. “I’m fine,” she said curtly, glancing toward where Jinshi had disappeared. “We fell in during the attack... That’s all.”

Basen’s frown deepened, clearly unsatisfied with such a vague answer. Lihaku, on the other hand, sighed in relief. “Still, that must’ve been terrifying. Good thing we found you when we did.”

But Maomao wasn’t listening. Her attention had locked onto Jinshi and Gaoshun’s retreating figures, and before another word could be said, she was already moving.

She strode forward, catching up just in time to grab Jinshi’s sleeve. “Enough talking. You need medical attention— now. ” Her voice was firm, leaving no room for argument.

Then, as if remembering something, she pulled his mask from her sleeve and pressed it into his hand. Her fingers lingered just slightly before she let go.

“…Here. You should put this back on.”

Jinshi had limped away with Gaoshun, the older man looking very pissed.

As soon as they were alone, Gaoshun turned on Jinshi and began looking him over like a worried father.

“Yue, you can’t be so reckless! What happened?” He asked, his gaze sharp and concerned.

Jinshi looked away, puffing his cheeks, pout deep. “Gaoshun, there were no other options. We were shot at. They have weapons from the west. The only escape was off the cliff. Otherwise we would be, just.. we would’ve both died.”

Jinshi was about to say more, to explain more, to say what his fears and suspicions were, but Maomao got to him before he could.

She grabbed his sleeve and pressed his mask back into his grip.

Jinshi put it on, just as she suggested and was about to go on with explaining.

Of course Lihaku interrupted them, having chased after Maomao.

“Woah, wait, attacked? Master Jinshi, are you hurt?” He asked, looking Jinshi over to try and find where the injury could be.

Luckily, it wasn’t hard to find as he could see the red blotches on the hip of Jinshi’s robes.

“What hit you?” Basen asked as he walked closer to inspect the tiny drops on the cloth.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about it, back away, I’m fine.” Jinshi grumbled as he took a couple of steps away from the group, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the amount of people fretting over him.

“Now, there are far more important matters to attend to. Like the people who tried to assassinate us. Again.”

Maomao’s brow twitched.

Of course, Jinshi was being stubborn. Of course , he was more focused on the culprits than the fact that he was injured and had spent the last several hours trudging through damp caverns with an untreated wound.

“Then you can discuss that after your wounds are cleaned,” she said flatly, stepping closer. “Basen, Lihaku, and Gaoshun can investigate. You need to be seen to first.”

Basen huffed, arms crossing as he gave Jinshi a knowing look. “She’s unfortunately right. You’re no use to us bleeding, and to let the enemy know you were hit would only make things more complicated.”

Lihaku hesitated but ultimately nodded. “I don’t like leaving him behind, but we do need to act quickly.”

Gaoshun, still looking less than pleased with the entire situation, sighed and gave Jinshi a long, expectant look before finally relenting. “We’ll investigate. But don’t think for a second that this conversation is over.”

Satisfied, Maomao grabbed Jinshi’s wrist—not roughly, but with enough insistence to show she wouldn’t be ignored. “Come on. We can return to the villa.”

Jinshi paused before he would let Maomao drag him off and he tore a piece of his bloodied garments off.

“Here. Use this to put the culprits when you find them. Incase there’s no proof, already around. Besides, my being injured would prove someone came after me while I was weakened. I’m sure the banquet has been put on hold, as well.”

Jinshi then pulled his wrist from Maomao’s replacing it with his hand on instinct and gesturing away with his head.

“Right, let’s go, then. They’re expecting my return to the party, soon.” He says, as if he doesn’t already know he was expected back a long time ago. He’d been gone too long for it to be seen as natural, or just a need to be away from all of the eyes and all of the attention. Or, well.. the more obvious answer, he hopes people are assuming, the mask made him overheat. Which is the truth. Or at least, in the beginning, it was.

Unfortunately, people like to gossip and he knows there’s not a chance his disappearance is being rationalized in the most obvious way. People are so stupid.

Maomao left Jinshi’s side only long enough to gather the necessary supplies from her room—clean cloth, warm water, and an herbal salve to prevent infection. She moved efficiently, wasting no time before making her way to the sitting room where Jinshi now waited.

He was reclining on the couch, the weight of exhaustion finally beginning to settle over him now that he had stopped moving.

Maomao knelt beside him, setting her supplies neatly at her side before motioning toward his waist. “Move just enough for me to clean it properly.”

Jinshi complied without argument this time, shifting so she could access the wound. As she peeled back the fabric, her gaze sharpened, taking in the torn flesh and the darkened edges around the injury.

She exhaled softly, dipping a cloth into the warm water before pressing it to the wound with steady hands. A silence settled between them, the only sound the soft rustling of fabric and the quiet rhythm of her movements.

But as she worked, she found herself pausing, her hand resting just above his knee.

Her eyes lifted, searching his face with a look far softer than her usual impassivity.

“…You should take better care of yourself,” she murmured, her voice quiet but firm. “You throw yourself into danger too easily.”

She looked back down, resuming her careful ministrations. “At least pretend to show more restraint.” After another pause she would sigh once more.” But I…must thank you for saving me Master Jinshi… I suppose I must also apologize for not previously making my lack of swimming knowledge more clear…I never thought it would be a situation we would find ourselves in.”

The moment Jinshi was sitting down, he nearly passed out. He was tired. From the constant need to keep his composure while overheating, to overheating itself, to being shot at, lifting Maomao, getting shot, jumping off a cliff, and the heart attack of Maomao drowning and him needing to save her? He’s in good shape, but not that good.

He’s exhausted, but he’s still doing his best to appear as relaxed and energetic as he always has. He’s failing miserably, but he’s trying as best he can.

He didn’t hear a lot of what Maomao said, his mind distant and tired, but he managed to drag himself back from that distant land to focus on her voice just in time for the ending.

“It’s alright, my dear. Not like either of us could’ve predicted such an event. Do not fret, I’ll teach you later, just incase something similar happens.”

Maomao finished tending to the wound with careful precision, securing the bandages tightly but not so much as to restrict movement. The worst of the bleeding had stopped, but he still looked like a mess—pale, sweat-dampened, and barely clinging to wakefulness.

She didn’t linger. Without a word, she stood and left the room.

When she returned, a small tray was balanced in her hands, a steaming cup of tea resting atop it. She knelt beside him again, setting it down within his reach.

“I combined herbs to help with relaxation,” she explained, her tone clinical, though her fingers lingered against the ceramic cup just slightly before pulling away.

She looked him over, noting the way he was barely holding himself upright. Stubborn man.

“You should rest,” she continued, expression unreadable. “At least until the culprit is found. If you collapse in front of everyone, it will only cause more problems.”

Her voice was matter-of-fact, but the words carried a weight beneath them—concern carefully tucked between logic. “If you require me to remain beside you while you rest…I shall do so but only at…your request.”

Jinshi barely processed her words as he sipped at the tea.

He gave a small nod of his head, struggling to find his voice. When he did manage to speak, it was a whispered ‘stay’ almost as if he wasn’t quite sure if he could actually request such a thing.

She’s turned down every other attempt at keeping her close to him, even with no chance of being found out by anyone who didn’t already know of their relationship. Gaoshun and Basen already knew of their relationship. Basen may not know the full extent, but he knows enough to not question nor speak a word of anything he sees or hears.

Jinshi understands her hesitance, but he wishes she weren’t so uptight about it. Not when they’re safe in every aspect of the word. These rooms, this building, was guarded on all sides by his own men, all windows and entryways closed and locked tight with no way of entry from anyone that wasn’t Maomao, Gaoshun, Basen and Jinshi. Now that she’s offering to stay? He’s jumping on that opportunity immediately.

Her presence seems to keep the nightmares at bay..

Maomao hesitated only for a moment before she quietly poured herself a cup of tea. She took a careful sip, letting the warmth settle in her chest as she considered her next move.

Jinshi was exhausted. Even if he wouldn’t admit it, she could see it in every line of his body, in the way his shoulders sagged just slightly, in the way he clung to wakefulness as though sheer willpower alone would keep him upright.

With a silent sigh, she set her cup down and toed off her shoes.

Then, without a word, she pulled her knees up to her chest and tilted herself to the side—until the weight of her head rested against his shoulder.

She didn’t speak. Didn’t explain.

Just… let herself stay there. Her hand finding his to intertwine their fingers.

Jinshi clung to her hand, almost like a lifeline. His head fell to gently rest atop hers and he curled around her.

“Thank you.” He whispered, setting his tea cup aside and letting himself finally relax.

Maomao was safe. This room is safe. He doesn’t have to be afraid for his life. He doesn’t have to keep looking over his shoulder, waiting for the next strike of danger. He doesn’t have to fear for his, or Maomao’s lives.

They’re both safe and comfortable here. So long as Maomao is by his side, safe and happy..

Jinshi didn’t even realize he fell asleep like that until Basen entered the room with a grumpy huff and annoyed expression.

He had knocked first, of course, out of respect, but Basen already assumed Jinshi would call for him to enter.

When he saw how close Maomao and Jinshi were, he didn’t react in the slightest, he only reacted at the way Jinshi’s head sluggishly lifted and tired eyes pinned him in place.

Gaoshun immediately smacked his kid in the back of the head, then bowed to Jinshi respectfully, only to turn and drag his son out of the room.

“Rest, Yue. We will give you the good news as soon as you’re better rested.”

Before Jinshi could protest, they were gone and the prince was left staring tiredly at the now closed door.

He doubts he’ll be able to get back to sleep, now. Not after the way Basen just entered.

Jinshi knows the man wasn’t trying to be disrespectful. He knows Basen thought the room was empty, or Jinshi was awake and waiting for them to enter. Jinshi knows, but that doesn’t stop him from being annoyed.

Shaking off the emotion, Jinshi sighed and looked down at Maomao to see if she was alright. He hopes she rested some, too..

He also took note that their hands were still firmly intertwined together, his thumb now brushing soothingly along her knuckles.

Maomao stirred slightly at the sound of the door opening, her brows furrowing just the tiniest bit. But as it shut again and the room fell back into silence, she sighed and settled once more, shifting against Jinshi’s warmth.

Her eyes barely cracked open, just enough to peek up at him before she let them fall shut again. A quiet mumble escaped her lips, muffled by the fabric of his robe as she nuzzled closer.

“…Couch is uncomfortable…” she whispered, voice heavy with sleep.

A pause. Then, softer—

“…’d be better in a bed…”

Just sleepy little complaints, murmured into the space between them.

Jinshi hummed back and gave a small nod of his head.

He then maneuvered so he could lift Maomao into his arms. His body felt like jelly as he stood and wobbled to the bed where he gently lay Maomao down. He kissed her head, then sat down with his head in his hands.

This is the second time someone has aimed to kill him. It’s been him specifically, every time. Is he the true target? Or has it been coincidence each time? Is he being mistaken for another?

No..

No, somebody knows that ‘Jinshi’ and ‘Zuigetsu’ are one and the same. Someone knows who he is and they’re aiming for his life.

..but who?

Jinshi’s mind raced with possibilities, the same ideas as before surfacing. The people giving him the most grief; Lakan, Shishou, or an outside source.. someone distant that he hasn’t met nor seen, yet.

The possibilities.. the reasons.. he doubts he can rest, now, no matter how tired he is.

Maomao barely stirred as she was lifted, only making the smallest noise of protest before settling into Jinshi’s hold. The moment her back met the mattress, she instinctively curled into the sheets, tucking herself into the softness.

But when the bed remained empty beside her, she cracked one eye open.

Jinshi hadn’t lain down.

Instead, he sat at the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, shoulders tense.

Maomao frowned sleepily. Without thinking, she reached out and tugged at the back of his robe—not hard, just enough to get him to shift. Once she had, she pressed her face into his back, burrowing against him with a quiet pout.

“…’s cold,” she mumbled, half complaint, half invitation.

Still, even with her sleep-heavy mind, she could tell something was wrong.

After a moment, she pulled back slightly and rubbed at her eyes before sitting up properly. She watched him through lidded eyes, taking in the sharpness of his expression, the way his fingers curled against his temples.

“…What is it?” she asked, voice quiet. Not demanding. Just wondering if he would tell her.

Jinshi had shifted, just as she silently requested of him. He moved closer to her, so she could lean against him easier.

He’s so weak for this woman, she has so much power over him..

Jinshi remained hunched over, his fingers trying to stave off the ache in his head from all the thinking he’d been doing.

Or maybe it was the heat doing that, and his previous malnourishment. He really should request a meal be prepped at their caravan for him. He’s going to eat so much when they get home.. so very much.

Leaning back into her touch, Jinshi sighed before voicing his thoughts.

“There’s a target on my back. I want to know who put it there and who is aiming the arrow? I fear for my life. I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never worried for my own self, only ever others, but..” he paused to take a slow, shaky breath.

Shaking his head, he forced composure and sat up taller.

“Never mind. Lay down. You rest. I won’t leave.” He planned on resting, too, he just prefers to do so after he rids himself of these unnecessary and ridiculous fears.

Maomao’s frown deepened as she pushed herself up, shifting to kneel beside him. The bed dipped under her weight, but Jinshi remained still, lost in thought.

Her hand lifted hesitantly—almost uncertain—hovering just near his face. It was rare, this kind of tenderness from her, and for a moment, she nearly withdrew.

But then she let out a quiet breath and closed the distance, cupping his cheek.

His skin was warm beneath her palm, the tension in his jaw solid under her fingers. When he finally met her gaze, she held it firm.

“This isn’t new,” she said, voice steady despite the drowsiness clinging to it. “We’ve uncovered so many schemes before. This is just another.”

Her thumb brushed lightly over his cheekbone.

“We’ll keep looking for clues. And when we do, things will fall into place—just like always.”

Jinshi gave her a soft, gentle smile. His gaze was loving, even as his next words weren’t as hopeful as hers.

“..I fear they will fall into place too late. After one of us is killed, or seriously harmed. You already suffered greatly because of these attempts on my life.”

Jinshi turned on the bed, one hand moving to gently clutch at Maomao’s wrist, the other reaching to cup Maomao’s cheek in return.

“I can’t lose you, and I won’t leave my brother to run the empire, alone. This needs figured out before things get drastically worse.” Jinshi whispered before leaning in to press a soft kiss to Maomao’s forehead.

“Lay down, love. Rest. I’ll lie with you and try to rest, too.” He did exactly as he said he would, too. He moved to be lying down, then pulled Maomao against his side protectively.

He didn’t close his eyes, his mind still running circles, but he did feel much more relaxed, with Maomao safe in his arms, like this.

Maomao hummed softly, allowing herself to melt into the warmth and security of his embrace. Her usual sense of propriety had faded, especially after all that had happened today. She needed this, needed the closeness, the feeling of being safe with him. Even if she can’t outwardly admit that.

She tucked herself into his shoulder, hearing the steady beat of his heart, and took his hand, intertwining their fingers. It felt right.

After a moment of silence, she spoke, her voice quiet but firm.

“…Perhaps…” she began, her words careful, as though weighing them in her mind before speaking. “If you were to properly come out as the imperial brother… showing your power and strength, it might deter further attacks.”

She paused for a second, considering her own suggestion.

“It could buy us time to plan. To root out whoever is targeting you without worrying for your safety constantly. You’d have more security.. we’d have more time.”

Her hand tightened around his slightly, her thumb brushing over his skin.

Jinshi held her hand in return, a warm smile replacing the concern.

“Maybe..” he whispered as another thought crossed his mind.

Maybe proposing would protect her, too? Probably not as much, but if anyone dared harm Maomao after she’s his fiancée, well.. that won’t be let go so easily. Especially since she would no longer be viewed as a servant, but part of the royal court. As his concubine. As his property, in a sense, and anyone who hurts the property of the royal family will be beheaded immediately.

No trial, no chance of freedom, just death.

Besides.. it would be nice to officially make her his and his alone..

Maomao’s eyes briefly flickered with a mixture of emotions. The ache in her chest, leftover from the compressions, flared up sharply, and she gritted her teeth, her body sore and her hands trembling slightly from the residual strain. She pulled back from his embrace just enough to sit up, her hand resting against her chest as she steadied herself. She will obtain some pain reliever later.

Her gaze shifted from his face, lingering on his, before she spoke, her voice low and firm, yet tinged with the promise of determination.

“No matter what it takes… no matter how hard it gets…” she began, her words slow, deliberate. “All my expertise, my knowledge, and my strength as an apothecary will go into making sure you are safe. I will make sure you’re alright.”

She looked back at him then, her gaze unwavering, her expression earnest.

“I promise.”

Jinshi was rather taken aback at the sudden change in moods, but he didn’t say anything about that.

Instead..

“Oh? Are you proposing to me?” He teased, a sleepy grin stretching across his lips.

He chuckled softly as he reached to carefully pull her back against his side. It was safer, that way. She was safer that way. Tucked into his side where he could keep her warm, and comfortable, and protected.

He wasn’t ready to let her go. To let her leave his arms, let alone the room. He wants her to stay, but he won’t stop her, if she wishes to leave.

Maomao huffed softly, her cheeks tinged with a faint pink from his teasing. “If I were proposing, it certainly wouldn’t be with that attitude,” she muttered, though the smallest hint of a smile tugged at her lips. “Do better Master Jinshi, I know you can.”

She let out a small sigh before finally settling back down, pressing herself close to him again. Her head nestled against his shoulder, and before long, the warmth of his body and the steady rhythm of his breathing lulled her into a peaceful sleep. Her body relaxed completely, her earlier tension melting away as she curled into him, feeling safe, comfortable, and… content.

Jinshi chuckled at her response, but didn’t say anything else after that. He just closed his own eyes and kept her cradled close.

In seconds, he was asleep. His head gently resting against the top of her’s and his arms cradling her close to his side.

This is how Gaoshun found them, hours later, a platter of food in his hands as he entered.

He gave the two a soft smile before completely entering and setting the food on the table. He then left silently and promised himself he’d return, again, in a few minutes to make sure the duo eat.

The next morning arrived with the soft rustle of movement as everyone began to pack up their belongings and prepare to leave. The events of the previous day felt like they had happened a lifetime ago, but the tension still lingered in the air, especially for Maomao. She stood near the edge of the camp, watching the caravan take shape, people loading their things onto carts, horses being saddled, and the low hum of conversation filling the air.

She had hoped for a bit more time to herself before the journey back, perhaps a moment of solitude to gather her thoughts, but that was quickly squashed when Gaoshun approached her with a look of man on a mission. The man had somehow, without Maomao’s input, arranged for her to share a carriage with Jinshi. She hadn’t been given much of a choice in the matter, and though she didn’t particularly mind, she couldn’t help but feel a bit puzzled by the sudden arrangement.

As the carriage set off, Maomao found herself seated across from Jinshi, her hands folded neatly in her lap. Her thoughts were far away, drifting like leaves in a river, unable to settle on anything specific. She didn’t understand why Gaoshun had insisted on this. It wasn’t as if she and Jinshi hadn’t spent time alone before this, but there was something different about this situation. It felt as though there was more to it, something not spoken, but it escaped her grasp.

Jinshi sat in his carriage, his fingers tapping his arm as he waited for the carriages to start moving and mulling over the information Gaoshun provided from the attempt the day before.

Gaoshun and Lihaku had used the bloody fabric Jinshi gave them to trap the leader of this attempt and got him impounded, but something still felt off.

There was no chance in hell he’s risking Maomao’s safety, though, so he requested Gaoshun make it possible she ride with them in his and Gaoshun’s carriage.

He didn’t relax until Maomao was in the carriage with him, albeit not completely. He was still stiff, but not to the extent he had been, before. His fingers still tapped out a random rhythm on his arm and his expression was still mildly pinched, but he was definitely more relaxed than he had been when Maomao first entered the carriage.

Maomao noticed Jinshi’s tense posture and the rhythmic tapping of his fingers, and though she didn’t fully understand the source of his unease, she could sense that something was bothering him. It wasn’t like him to be so visibly restless, especially not when they were supposed to be heading back to safety.

After a moment of silence, she finally spoke, her voice gentle and calm as she shifted slightly in her seat, drawing her knees up to her chest. “You’re tense,” she observed quietly, her gaze softening as she studied him. “You know you…can share things with me..if you’d like.”

She wasn’t exactly sure what he was going through mentally, but Maomao knew that her presence—however small it may be—could help him. She might not be able to solve his problems, but she could be there. And that was something, at least.

Her hand reached out, resting softly on the edge of his, a simple gesture of reassurance. “If you need to talk, or just… not talk,” she added, a small hint of a smile tugging at her lips, “I’m here.”

She meant it. She would always be there, even if she couldn’t fully understand what was weighing on him.

Jinshi sighed as Maomao questioned his anxiety and just shook his head. No use reiterating what he’s been stressing over for days, now. It’s only just recently evolved to a different level.

“Just the same as usual.” He grumbled as a half assed explanation.

Then he sighed and lightly tangled his fingers with hers, his thumb swiping swiftly over her’s before he let go and took a deep breath to try and calm himself before Gaoshun joined them in the carriage and they got going. Off to the long journey home.

Maomao didn’t press him further, but she knew. There was something more, something Jinshi wasn’t saying.

Her sharp eyes lingered on him for a moment, reading the tension in his shoulders, the way his jaw stayed just a little too tight even after he tried to relax. It wasn’t just the same as usual. She knew that much.

Still, when Gaoshun entered the carriage, she withdrew. She leaned back against the cushioned seat, shifting her legs down from where they had been tucked close to her chest. The careful distance she maintained wasn’t just for appearances—it was instinct. A habit built from years of knowing her place.

Her gaze flickered once more toward Jinshi, watching the way his fingers twitched ever so slightly against his lap. Something is bothering him. She exhaled softly, gaze lowering as she folded her hands neatly in her lap. If he wanted to keep it to himself, she wouldn’t push. But she’d keep watching. And when he was ready—if he was ever ready—she would listen.

Jinshi sat there, staring at the floor, tense and nervous.

He hadn’t planned on it officially happening now. He didn’t want it to be like this, in this moment, but with all the threats to his life.. he feared he would never get the chance, if he didn’t do it now.

So.. almost hesitantly, he reached towards Gaoshun. “The package?”

Gaoshun gave Jinshi a small grin. He knew what the young master meant. He wanted the oz bezoar. The very same material she’d requested the first day he started giving her gifts.

Jinshi gave a small bow of thanks to Gaoshun before turning to Maomao, purple bag in hand.

“Xiaomao, my love. I fear I won’t be given the luxury of asking this in the manner I desperately wished to. With all these nearly successful attempts on my life, I fear the chance will slip from me before I manage to do this.” He said as he held the gift out for her.

“Xiaomao, darling, will you marry me?” He asked, his voice genuine and hopeful even as his eyes exuded a deep tiredness he’s felt since the days after he watched his father get dragged away by his grandmother.

Gaoshun’s entire body tensed the moment the words left Jinshi’s mouth. His eyes went wide, and for the first time in years, he was completely, utterly speechless. But only for a moment.

“Master Jinshi— this is highly improper! ” Gaoshun burst out, his voice rising an octave as he sat forward in a panic. “This—this is not how it is done! You cannot simply propose marriage in a moving carriage with no prior arrangements, no formal decree—no, this is—this is unthinkable! What about the court? What about her father? There is a system for this! All aside, you haven’t even asked permission from the Emperor!”

He ran a hand down his face, exasperated, his mind already spiraling through all the political and social implications. “And— now? Now of all times? After an assassination attempt? You should be focused on—on living first before planning a wedding!”

As Gaoshun frantically listed off every reason why this was not the right time, the right place, or the right method for a proposal, given what was in that bag, Maomao sat frozen, the small purple bag cradled in her hands. Her eyes had gone wide, staring at it as if she could find all the answers to the universe within its fabric.

Marriage.

She hadn’t expected it—not now, not ever, really. She knew Jinshi was infatuated with her, but to take it this far? To ask her now ?

Yet, the longer she sat with the weight of his words, the clearer the answer became. The same fears he had, the same worries—she had them, too. The near-constant threats to his life, the uncertainty of the future. If things continued as they were, would there ever be a right time? ~~Not that she truly finds herself worthy of his affection.~~

Her fingers curled slightly around the bag as she exhaled slowly. Then, she lifted her gaze to Jinshi, her expression soft but steady.

“Yes.”

The single word was enough to bring Gaoshun’s entire rant to a screeching halt. He gawked at Maomao in open disbelief, his mouth opening and closing like a fish gasping for air.

“You— huh? ”

Maomao simply smiled, small but certain. “Yes, Jinshi I will marry you.”

Notes:

She said yes!
Don’t fret, everyone; this isn’t the end! We just wanted to break this RP up into multiple fics so the next one will start here in a day or so. Stay tuned for next time when we see Jinshi come out to the court~ number one Jinmao shipper the Emperor get to celebrate his ship becoming canon, Lakan lose his shit and most importantly Jinshi get to act like the prince he is. Bye-bye for the next 48 hours!

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Part 1 of The Risks We Take For Love Next Work →

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Mha_tpnjunkie2 on Chapter 1 Sat 15 Mar 2025 09:09AM UTC

Please give us a new chapter !!!

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sporadora on Chapter 2 Thu 20 Mar 2025 04:22PM UTC

The strikethroughs are hilarious (yeah jinshi sure you just *enjoy* her company). But oh no! I hope Maomao is okay :(

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Mha_tpnjunkie2 on Chapter 8 Mon 17 Mar 2025 06:26PM UTC

Do they not know she’s Lakan’s daughter yet?

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1. Offthehangercosplay on Chapter 8 Mon 17 Mar 2025 06:28PM UTC
  
  They do! But like in the anime we have decided that Maomao simply doesn’t care for that fact as it would hinder her work as an apothecary. That plot point of her parentage will play a part soon!
  
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2. 1. Mha_tpnjunkie2 on Chapter 8 Mon 17 Mar 2025 06:28PM UTC
    
    Ohhhhh I’m so excited for that
    
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Wolf_Addams on Chapter 9 Wed 02 Apr 2025 05:43PM UTC

No the not the emperor teasing the hell out of Jinshi 🤣

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1. Offthehangercosplay on Chapter 9 Wed 02 Apr 2025 05:58PM UTC
  
  Mans is the biggest Jinmao shipper we all know this. Lol
  
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Mha_tpnjunkie2 on Chapter 10 Tue 18 Mar 2025 07:54PM UTC

Wow hey that hurt my feelings, and right before I’m supposed to sleep too.

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1. Offthehangercosplay on Chapter 10 Tue 18 Mar 2025 08:03PM UTC
  
  It just makes the eventual kiss all the more sweet~
  
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Agnozy_the_hearthead on Chapter 10 Fri 28 Mar 2025 09:27PM UTC

I can't believe it took me ten chapters to figure out what's so different about this writing style. Is this a roleplay recording?

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1. Agnozy_the_hearthead on Chapter 10 Fri 28 Mar 2025 09:28PM UTC
  
  Nothing against that totally, I RP too it was just a little bizarre to read the structure like this again outside of context of messages
  
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2. Offthehangercosplay on Chapter 10 Fri 28 Mar 2025 09:29PM UTC
  
  It is! All but one of my posted stories are rps turned to fanfic for others to enjoy. It’s not a style everyone enjoys but editing to make it more book like would take ages lol
  
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Mha_tpnjunkie2 on Chapter 11 Wed 19 Mar 2025 08:43AM UTC

AWWEEE YAAAHHHHHH THE ENDINGGGGG!!! Ngl I was ready to complain again with the way things were going. Hopefully Maomao gives them a chance

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Mha_tpnjunkie2 on Chapter 13 Thu 20 Mar 2025 06:52AM UTC

Ahhh these chapters were so cute <<33 they finally got it together!! I wonder what Lakan has in store for us

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1. Janus_707 on Chapter 13 Thu 20 Mar 2025 08:12PM UTC
  
  Ah, yes. Got it together. Definitely. Yeah.
  …………………
  
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shumchum_v on Chapter 20 Mon 14 Jul 2025 01:03AM UTC

THIS IS EXACTLYY THE HURT/COMFORT ELEMENT I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR!! I love it lots thank you for sharing this with us 🫶

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luminos_14 on Chapter 20 Sun 14 Sep 2025 05:18PM UTC

GRAAAAAAAHHHH PEAK help i need to sleep i cant nymore
emperor greatest jinmao shipper peak

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One Mistep

Janus_707, Offthehangercosplay

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Mha_tpnjunkie2 on Chapter 1 Sat 15 Mar 2025 09:09AM UTC

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sporadora on Chapter 2 Thu 20 Mar 2025 04:22PM UTC

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Mha_tpnjunkie2 on Chapter 8 Mon 17 Mar 2025 06:26PM UTC

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Offthehangercosplay on Chapter 8 Mon 17 Mar 2025 06:28PM UTC

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Mha_tpnjunkie2 on Chapter 8 Mon 17 Mar 2025 06:28PM UTC

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Wolf_Addams on Chapter 9 Wed 02 Apr 2025 05:43PM UTC

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Offthehangercosplay on Chapter 9 Wed 02 Apr 2025 05:58PM UTC

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Mha_tpnjunkie2 on Chapter 10 Tue 18 Mar 2025 07:54PM UTC

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Offthehangercosplay on Chapter 10 Tue 18 Mar 2025 08:03PM UTC

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Agnozy_the_hearthead on Chapter 10 Fri 28 Mar 2025 09:27PM UTC

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Agnozy_the_hearthead on Chapter 10 Fri 28 Mar 2025 09:28PM UTC

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Offthehangercosplay on Chapter 10 Fri 28 Mar 2025 09:29PM UTC

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Mha_tpnjunkie2 on Chapter 11 Wed 19 Mar 2025 08:43AM UTC

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Mha_tpnjunkie2 on Chapter 13 Thu 20 Mar 2025 06:52AM UTC

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Janus_707 on Chapter 13 Thu 20 Mar 2025 08:12PM UTC

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shumchum_v on Chapter 20 Mon 14 Jul 2025 01:03AM UTC

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luminos_14 on Chapter 20 Sun 14 Sep 2025 05:18PM UTC

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