Chapter Text
Billy insisted that he’d always spent so much time out of the house. According to him, his social calendar had been just as packed before his son’s return.
Jacob took him at his word, because even if the claim was an exaggeration, it wasn’t a damaging one. And everyone acted like it was the unremarkable norm when his dad stayed at Nicole’s place or visited Rachel or met up with Charlie and Sue, so maybe it was true. Which would all be great if chauffeuring Billy around hadn’t felt like helping him flee the scene of an ongoing crime.
More than likely, the guy did just want to hang out with his girlfriend, daughter, grandkids, and friends, and to sit and talk with the other elders in the community center twice a week and only rarely get around to anything on the agenda. Giving his son privacy to maul another pan of veggie lasagna while watching King of the Hill or to potentially debauch a vampire on every flat surface was an afterthought, at best.
Still, Jacob was grateful for the solitude when he returned from dropping Billy off at Nicole’s to find Bella sitting cross-legged beside the door of the garage, searching through a leafy patch of clover like she hadn’t heard him pull up to the house. It was so different than the parent-teacher meeting lean from the first time he’d found her waiting that Jacob had to stop and admire the view.
Bella wore one of his band t-shirts, the illegible font dripping like melted thorns, twisted through with roots. Like she was his and he had loaned it to her when she slept over, and he’d made breakfast for both of them the next morning while she showered off the marathon sex.
“Nice shirt.”
“Thanks. I borrowed it from a friend.”
Jacob liked being chased. A little. It felt good. Turned tables were his favorite.
He stood over her as he pulled his keys out. “Find any four-leaf clovers?”
“No.” Bella ran her index finger through the thickest part of the patch, double checking it with a nearly human patience. “Not yet.”
Like luck was inevitable, right there on the soft ground outside of his garage.
Instead of going inside and acting like there was shit he actually needed to do, Jacob propped his shoulder against the doorjamb to watch her continued search, because suddenly it was very hard to look away. He’d missed her even in the brief intermission of unlocking the deadbolt and opening the boot-scuffed door.
The late morning was cloudy and cool, her skin’s luster only subtly iridescent under the gray sky. Bella’s hair was pulled back loosely and secured with a clip, easy strands left to drift in the ocean-brought breeze. She had all the time in the world to sort through round little leaves, and draw berries and cliffs and him, and cook for other people. To patrol and read and find interesting stones and make things. She was fascinating and sometimes strange but never in a way that was entirely unfamiliar to him, even now. There was always a bit of her in him, since forever ago. Being around Bella felt like sneaking out of the house to go to a party but also the groggy, satisfied return.
Realization rolled over him like thunder and bloomed in the charged air between the rumble and the lightning flash.
Jacob loved her. Again. Still.
Didn’t matter.
Bella was here now because she wanted something, and he absolutely, essentially had to keep his shit together. Just because Edward was okay with them being physical while he was gone didn’t mean anything else would be alright, and if the entire situation wasn’t a disaster waiting to happen, Jacob didn’t know what was.
So he waited. He’d reluctantly set aside the day to do inventory and work on the website and tidy up all the spots that seemed destined to collect clutter, and he was in no rush to get to any of it.
Bella rose to her feet, as smooth as poured water, and brushed off her hands.
“Esme said to tell you thank you, from her,” Bella murmured. The statement felt like a shield. A reason for the intrusion. “She refuses to use any other crochet hook but the one you made and hasn’t stopped talking about it.”
That was surprisingly endearing. And this felt like a conversational warm up, because no way did Bella finally come out here to tell him something that could’ve been a note. So Jacob guided the discussion into the garage for some semblance of privacy. “Glad she likes it. Does she need any other sizes? Because I kinda guessed.”
“She says it’s perfect.”
Bella trailed in after him, still-unlucky fingertips in her pockets. She was quiet while he rescued a wayward ballpoint pen from behind Embry’s half-empty Costco-sized box of Cheez-its from the other day, dropped the thing back into the mug penholder where it belonged, and began the search for other missing writing implements. His hands smelled like orange-scented pumice soap, buffed clean and as unstained as they’d ever get unless he was forced to take an extended vacation from touching engines, which sounded like hell on earth.
Bella watched him, sending awareness tingling along his shoulders before settling in the general area of his hips for a while, then gliding back up to his neck. She, at least, hadn’t lost sight of what this was all about. Jacob admired that. Envied it, even.
“I’m really sorry about last time,” Bella said finally.
“Which part?” He couldn’t hide a grin.
“Obviously the part where I almost killed you.”
“Hm, weird. Don’t remember that.”
She even scowled prettily. “Jake.”
“It’s not a huge deal.” He lifted up a discarded shop rag by a clean corner, the other half smudged with Cheez-it oil because apparently the roll of paper towels four feet away had been too taxing of a journey for Embry. No pencils hid beneath it. “You’re acting like I’m defenseless and didn’t know the risks.” Risks he’d gladly take again to see her hand on his cock while his thumb thrust slowly into her mouth.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“And you didn’t. So what’s the problem?” An uncapped pen was still tucked under the spring-loaded clamp of a clipboard. The local credit union’s emblem peeked out from under an old scrawled cost estimate.
“I didn’t think I’d want to bite you like that because of the wolf thing,” Bella said. “But I guess…”
“When you haven’t fed in a while and you’re in the middle of an orgasm, it’s different?”
“Yeah. Basically.”
“So the lesson is ‘don’t come on my leg when you’re really hungry,’ not ‘avoid me and keep leaving cute gifts around like a very talented cat.’ Although that was also fine.”
Bella hid her face in her hands. “Jake…”
“It’s okay. The tamales made up for it. So did the whole coming on my leg thing. You did come, right?”
“Started to,” Bella groaned in embarrassment, and if she were still human, she’d be blushing so hard that Jacob would’ve had to fight the urge to walk over there and kiss it to a sweaty flush. Good thing that wasn’t even a possibility now, because this would be even more distracting. And they needed to talk.
“I really liked everything you gave me,” he said, refocusing the conversation.
She lifted her head. “You did?”
“Yeah.”
Bids for his attention, trying to stay on his mind and gauge his interest, and fuck if it hadn’t worked. Bella would’ve been the song stuck in his head anyway, because she was needy and complicated and beautiful and had once almost been his. And sort of was, very briefly, when their eyes were locked and her mouth fell open on good gasps and she said his name. When they were finally getting a taste of what they needed.
No. He had to stop. Bella wasn’t his, ever, and it didn’t matter how good it felt or how close to right it looked.
Jacob really wanted things to be easy between them. Light and real and effortless. That was how it was supposed to be.
Unfortunately, that was no longer an option, because Bella wasn’t an option. Moments of it, sure. Counterfeit ease while she kept things from him, holding him but only ever at arm’s length.
Jacob was leaving wide silences open for her this whole time, patient and long, and Bella wasn’t filling a single one with any of the truths that desperately needed to be let out. Things Jacob wanted to hear from her, unprompted, because it would mean he mattered to her.
Pass it to me. I’m open.
He let another silence sit, slow and unmeasured, just to be sure. The chance flowed by like unwanted water that she no longer needed.
This was where Jacob had always been. This was the same unclimbable courtyard wall of her he’d always sighed against, and it was becoming increasingly clear that he would never know anything but the distant scent of flowers he’d memorized the names of years ago and quiet music that he could play by heart if she’d ever thought to ask him to, the stars tracking through the sky along inevitable paths. This was the closest Bella would ever let him get, even if he gave her forever.
And Jacob had a lot of practice. The friends-with-benefits thing was hardly new to him, but Bella seemed more interested in the temporary benefits than an honest friendship. She wanted him, but that was all. The gate would never swing open for him, and apparently that lesson was one he was still learning when it came to her. Because, for the life of him, Jacob could not keep Bella out of the very center of his worn chest.
He couldn’t fucking stand it.
“So.” He wiped his hands off unnecessarily. “Got anything to tell me? Like something I might want to know, maybe?”
Bella’s graceful shoulders slumped. “Renesmee. Seth said you figured it out.”
Right. That.
Of course she would still think that mattered to him more than anything else: the harmless gossip he already knew and that didn’t impact him personally beyond the kind of proxy happiness that sprang up when two people you knew and liked separately ended up together. Bella still didn’t get it. But he’d play along, since that was a conversation that also had to happen.
“Looks like all your pro-wolf propaganda over the years backfired.” Jacob laced his fingers behind his head and stretched his shoulders wide, working out the tension of standing here and wishing like hell that he could meet the thirty-three-year-old version of Bella.
“I was going to tell you,” this one said softly.
“Uh huh.”
“We thought…”
He let his arms drop. “That I’d be upset?”
She gave a condescending little laugh, just an exhale really, like Jacob was the one who took a lot of work. Like he was somehow the one who didn’t understand what imprinting or rejection was.
“To put it mildly.”
“Okay, well that’s growth, I guess, because nobody gave a shit about my feelings back when I was completely in love with you, did they?” Bella flinched elegantly at that, but he pushed on. “I’m surprised I haven’t gotten a wedding invitation yet. Maybe with an extra note from Edward tucked in there, thanking me for giving Ness up.”
The pause was long.
“It’s different with an imprintee,” she said finally.
“Is it?” Jacob scrubbed at his mouth with a calloused hand. “No, actually, you know what? It’s way easier if the person you imprint on is in love with somebody else. Because you’d adjust to whatever they want and accept it. It feels nothing alike.”
“Isn’t that how you felt about me?”
“No.”
Bella was staring at him now, sharp and wary like he was about to hurt her in a way she couldn’t anticipate or block, and she’d just have to take the hit.
“I wanted you. I needed you to fucking live and be with me, Bella. I didn’t care what you said you wanted. That was the whole problem.” Jacob’s chest was rising and falling too fast. He took a deep breath. This wasn’t how this conversation should go. “Don’t you remember?”
“You wanted me to be happy.”
“Yeah, which I thought would require me.” He swept a hand at her as he turned away. “Obviously I was wrong.”
“What if you weren’t.”
He rounded on her.
“Do not.” Jacob hid the growl that threatened to roll through his chest and up out of his throat. “Don’t do that to me.”
“Jake—”
“I don’t mind fucking around, but I really, really need you to not say shit like that.”
“Why not?”
Because it made it sound like this mess might actually go somewhere this time. Like Bella genuinely needed him, even though she already had it all, and his heart on a platter again was the only thing missing from her extensive collection. She’d had all of him, once. Every single part, and it hadn’t been enough.
What would ever be enough for her? She was endless and distant and hungry.
“Because, Bella, I’m not here to save you from a general sense of boredom or discontent or what the fuck ever you’ve got going on. Okay? I am not here, in this place, for you. This is where I belong. So why are you still in Forks, of all the bumfuck towns in this fucked-up country? You’ve got the whole goddamn world. It’s all yours.”
Her eyes darted between his, reading enough in his expression to stay quiet.
“And what’s left for me and you but this?” Jacob pushed on. “Wanting each other wasn’t enough before. Nothing’s different.”
“A lot is different.”
“Sure, yeah, you’re right. You’re somebody else’s wife and dead, and I imprinted on your baby when she was an hour old, tops.” He swallowed back the nausea that rose whenever he thought about it. “But you can’t string me along this time because there’s nothing to save you from, Bells. It’ll never be me. Wasn’t that what you said? There’s no threat, and there’s no winning. So what’s the game plan here?”
“Jacob.”
He waited, because that was not an answer.
“This is serious to me,” she said.
His short, harsh laugh filled the garage. “Oh, yeah? Real fucking serious, I bet. I’m sure you’ve been dusting off your wedding dress and twirling around the house in it and everything.”
Bella’s lips thinned at that, like he’d struck at one of the Almost things between them that he wasn’t supposed to talk about, which was too damn bad because Jacob was very much not done.
“Don’t act like you’re honestly coming out here while he’s gone for anything more than a distraction and an orgasm. We both know that’s bullshit.” He flung the words out, hot and spiked. “But you actually really like that I’m not a sure thing now, don’t you? Because maybe this time, I’ll tell you to leave.” Bella stood in his garage and let it wash over her, and he needed to touch her while he said it. Jacob’s voice softened, dirty-talk smooth. “Is that what you want? Me to tell you to fuck off? Want to keep working for it? Because that’s the only time you ever really want me—when you’re not sure the feeling’s mutual. Is that the game?”
She was completely, utterly still. Jacob took a step closer.
“You come out here, wind me up, get turned on because you always secretly liked that and so did I, and we both get off.”
“It’s not just that.”
“Come on. We’re both adults. Just call it what it is.” Another step and he reached for the hem of her shirt and dipped underneath. Steadily, slowly, he brushed his hand along her thigh, his palm curving perfectly around it like she was made to fill his gliding touch, scaled to fit in him while he slid up to her hip. The mismatch would come later, when they needed it so bad that they didn’t care. Jacob dragged his finger along her waistband, careful to avoid her skin. “Like right now. You’re so wet, I can fucking taste it.”
Bella’s eyelids fluttered shut. In the privacy, he stared. Lashes, lips, the little wisp of a curl near her left ear. He was already falling apart, hard so fast and craving a thrust. Jacob could blame the reaction on the whole forbidden sex thing, except there was definitely more to it because this wasn’t even forbidden. She pressed against his hand as he slowly traced the zipper of her jeans, then as he followed the seam down, resting the warmth of his fingers over the gentle swell. He nudged where her clit was.
Bella gave a quiet, needy little moan that ended on a gasp when he pressed harder. Her fingers slid, cold and seeking, along his nape. They’d been wasting time with talking when they should’ve been doing this. Easy.
“Can I touch it this time? We’ll go slow.” Jacob wanted to get in her and find out if she was soft inside. Use her even if she wasn’t, rough and long and fucked up. Feel Bella get used to him at last, let her writhe at the heat he pumped into her. He’d phase afterward, lick it off and see if he could still taste her on a different body.
She made him lose the control he’d worked for. Jacob had forced himself to want right—the right people, the right way. The right dosage, speed, place. That wasn’t how he wanted Bella. He wanted her full-strength and right the fuck now and here and always, and if Jacob thought about that too much, he’d find that horrible, soft word in the middle of it again.
No more. If this was the last time, if he’d ruined everything, he’d make sure it was good. Harsh, loud and clawing, and he’d try not to think about it for years until the memory faded like they all did. Jacob pulled harder on the seam, drawing it up tighter against her clit, rolling it over the sensitive catch. Bella’s moan was low, grateful and growing now. Because he was doing exactly what he needed to, exactly what he was good for. Jacob dragged his fingers through the seeping scent of arousal, and he was so sick of fucking his hand about it that it felt somehow like he’d never had sex before. And god, did he need it. He’d come virgin quick, barely in her before—
Bella took a step back. Out of reach.
“Let’s go hiking.”
His hand was still extended, still curled in the empty air that had, a second before, been the solid, promising shape of ready pussy in tight denim, twitching against the flats of his fingers. He let his arm drop.
“Uh.” Jacob stood there, so hard that it was making him stupid. “Right now?”
“Yeah, why not? I want to spend time with my best friend.” At least her voice was thick and a little rough, so it wasn’t like he’d just hallucinated the past few minutes. But she looked so unruffled that all Jacob could do was blink.
He swallowed, his tongue slow. “This feels distinctly like a trap.”
“There’s no trap.” Bella glanced down at the very obvious bulge in his jeans. “Unless this is just about getting off for you.”
He laughed at the turnaround, too impressed and disoriented for anything else. “I mean at the moment it does feel like you’re stomping on my balls, but I’ll survive.” Always had.
Bella grinned wickedly.
“You smiling at me like that is not gonna help.”
She laughed, throaty and so hot that he wanted to do it all again. Even the fight.
But she wanted something else. Was it more or less than coming on him? Did it matter?
Jacob rubbed at his eyes like he’d been woken up from a nap. “Just give me a second. My brain’s installing an update or something.”
Bella leaned in and bumped her shoulder against his arm, companionable and kind of bro-y but in a flirty way, and all of this was making him need to fuck himself in the corner really quick, just to clear his mind.
“That’s okay,” Bella said, eyes sparkling amber. “I can think for both of us.”
“Wow, thanks. Try not to pull a muscle.”
She was obviously in possession of that lucid kind of horniness that a lot of women had, where arousal felt less like a five-alarm fire and more like an all-inclusive resort that they wanted to move into. Except with vampire clarity.
He’d have to remedy that at some point. Burn the whole fucking place down until she couldn’t talk and—
No, wait. Jacob was trying to think about not-sex at the moment.
“So just to confirm,” he said, “you want to do friend stuff, in public?”
“Yes, Jake. Because we are friends, and friends hang out.”
He retied his hair. It had fallen loose at some point, probably from her wandering fingertips and greedy tugging. “Are we, Bells?”
She watched him for a long moment. “Do you… not want to be?”
“Of course I do. I just didn’t know if you considered impromptu fingerbangs a friendship activity or not.”
If he hadn’t been in love with her already, the relieved smile she gave him would’ve done the trick. Something told Jacob that it was the kind of revelation that would be happening over and over.
“We’re friends,” Bella said firmly. “And I like you a lot. And we do other stuff sometimes, too.”
“Okay,” Jacob said, grinning. Because there really was something cute about a declaration like that. “Let me just grab some stuff.”
His bedroom sat patiently while he ransacked it, like it had expected this all along. Years had passed since he’d yanked open dresser drawers and thrown things into his daypack, like an outdoorsy version of those 90s kids game shows where they ran through a toy store shoveling everything they could reach into their carts. Except Jacob was being tactical. Sort of.
Neither of them would be too affected by the temperature outside or changeable weather, but they did need to look moderately normal in the event that someone saw them. And normal humans would at least bring another layer on a day like this, with unpredictable clouds.
But as far as preparation went, the safest thing he could do would be to rub one out really quick, clear his head for a second before unthinking want took the wheel again. Because that was what you did before you “hung out as friends” with someone you wanted to fuck so badly that it infected everything in your life.
But actually it was okay to want Bella like that. And it wasn’t fair for him to keep telling himself that she only cared about physical stuff, just because his own feelings were getting messy. “Just sex” didn’t explain the look on her face when she’d told him that a lot was different now. He wasn’t an idiot. Or maybe he was. Who even knew.
Having loaded the bag with supplies and some rain gear that would be big enough on her to double as a tent if she had to wear it, Jacob met Bella outside in the driveway. A little first-date flutter batted against his ribs, and Jacob breathed it out as they climbed into the Crosstrek, hoping she couldn’t hear it. Or that she could.
He buckled his seat belt, hit the ignition, and eased out of the driveway.
“East?” Jacob confirmed. There was kind of only one direction to drive that made any sense, but Bella probably knew the peninsula better than he did these days.
“Yeah.”
He pulled onto La Push Road and she clicked her seat belt.
“Good thinking, Bells. Gotta keep my windshield safe if I have to slam on my breaks.”
She rolled her eyes at him before sliding on a pair of sunglasses that looked like they cost a month’s rent for a Vancouver penthouse. A silver emblem he didn’t recognize gleamed on the arm.
“Those from the gas station?” Jacob asked, adjusting his rear-view mirror so he could see a bit of her.
Bella tried to hide a smile.
“Don’t worry,” he said, “your secret’s safe with me.” He pointed to the control panel between them. “Want your seat warmer on, Cullen? I know your ass is cold.”
“To you,” she said archly.
“Not exactly a deterrent, in case you haven’t noticed.”
Without taking her eyes off of him, Bella prodded at the button. The light above it glowed red.
“Happy?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
As the road opened up ahead of them, Bella unclipped her hair and kicked off her boots to tuck her feet up beneath her, curling in the passenger seat, and everything about this single moment was all somehow exactly right. Overhead, the clouds were thinning, and it might actually clear up for real. But one thing about this place was that it did whatever it wanted. The forest was dark and damp around them, and Jacob rolled down the windows to let in the eighty-nine different smells that they could pick up on now.
“So do you already know where you’re going to dump my body, or are we winging it?”
“I know a good spot.”
He laughed. “Nice. Just tell me what to do. Promise I won’t fight back if you’re quick about it.”
Bella gave him a thoughtful look. “Do you like being told what to do?”
“Like… sexually?”
“Yes.”
“By you? Bells, absolutely.” Jacob had to consciously remind himself to keep his foot on the gas pedal because he was seriously at risk of entering an erotic fugue state and drifting to a stop in the middle of the road. He cleared his throat. “So is this going to be like a porn version of Driving Miss Daisy or what?”
“Jake, we are really going hiking.”
“And yet somehow we’re both going to come. I don’t know where and I don’t know how, but it’s going to happen.”
“You’re very confident considering you’ve never actually given me an orgasm before.”
He shrugged. ”I’m good at getting cars to run really smooth because I do it a lot and fucking love it. Same idea.”
“Am I the car?”
“Yeah, you’re a ‘54 Benz 300SL Gullwing.”
“Thanks, I guess.”
“Never worked on it before but would love to try.”
Bella turned away, shaking her head and biting her lip against another smile. God, he could do this all day.
Except they still had some serious things to talk about. Might as well get it out of the way. Or maybe there was no getting it over with, and this was just the first real step. Toward what, Jacob had no idea. He’d just drive wherever the road led.
“So do you have to get special dispensation from him to go hiking with me, or is it just blanket permission for everything?”
Bella groaned and rubbed at her forehead. “Jake, I was going to tell you—”
“But only after you got off one more time thinking I didn’t know. Right? Because it’s hotter if it’s behind his back.”
She picked nervously at the edge of her nail.
There was a lot Jacob could say. That this was not how that kind of thing got set up. That the key to this working for any amount of time was transparency and halfway decent communication.
But this was supposed to be fun, and Bella probably knew all of that already, judging by her new inability to meet his gaze. And they would definitely have those conversations later.
So instead what came out was—
“We can pretend he doesn’t know.”
Her mouth popped open a little as she turned to him, and it was unfortunate for Bella that shocking her was so fun.
“Want to?” he prodded.
She seemed to struggle for words, but even with the windows down and the air whipping through, arousal spilled off of her like a spigot had been turned on.
“Some other time,” Jacob suggested.
“I want to focus on us right now. You and me.”
“Us, huh? I do really like how that sounds.” He reached over and rested his hand on her thigh, a little possessively, and gave a squeeze. His while she was with him.
“Edward had brought it up a few times in the past,” Bella said.
“Yeah, including to me.”
Bella gave him a look through her sunglasses. “Over the years. Mostly when I visibly wasn’t happy. I didn’t consider it because I figured…”
“You thought the imprint settled everything.”
She swallowed. “Yeah.”
“Turns out I like to pick who I’m with.”
The quiet was thick, like Bella wanted to ask something, but had decided that it wasn’t time yet.
“And I wasn’t around,” Jacob added, to ease the pressure.
“That too.”
In the rearview mirror, he caught her glancing over at him.
“Left at the stop sign,” Bella said, the quiet command smooth in her voice.
He coasted to an easy stop and gave her thigh another quick squeeze before he had to let go to steer through the turn. “You know the bossiness is really working for me, right?”
“I suspected it might.”
The sun was shining now, breaking through dissipating clouds, and Bella rearranged herself to prop her feet on the dash above the glove box. Which, for a normal person, was a great way to get really messed up if the airbags deployed, but Bella wasn’t that anymore. So Jacob just watched her toes scrunch a little inside of chunky dark gray wool socks that looked hand knitted.
He kept the music lower than he usually would so it wouldn’t blow out her eardrums.
Not that that could happen either.
Slow waves of guitars filled the cabin, ominous but in a good, sludgy bluesy way, before drifting out through the open windows,
Bella peered at the dash, where the display scrolled. “The Bees Made Honey In The Lion’s Skull?”she read aloud.
“Yeah, that’s the album. You know, like the story in the Bible. Samson’s riddle.”
She went back to watching the pine tree forest fly past in even, planted rows. “Think I must’ve missed that one.”
“‘From the eater came something to eat, and from the strong came something sweet.’ That one.”
Bella turned slowly to stare at him.
“Pretty awesome, right? Thing’s got a few banger quotes, I’ll admit. Only reason I know that one.” Jacob hugged a swooping curve in the road, vaguely remembering the spot. “Great album, too. Used to have a shirt with the cover art, but I can’t find it ever since some dirty little sweat fiend started poking around in my room and taking the clothes I left out for her.”
“I wore it on patrol yesterday.”
“Nice. Anything underneath or…”
“Just some leggings.”
“Cool, now I can steer without using my hands.”
Bella picked a stray bit of fuzz from the top of her sock. “You went from quoting the Bible to talking about your erection in six seconds.”
“Is that against the rules or something? Oh, speaking of things that are thousands of years old and from the Mediterranean region, how’s Operation Volturi Maintenance going?”
Bella laughed. “That makes it sound so routine.” She draped her arm out the window, letting her fingers play in the slipstream. “I guess it is a bit like patrolling, now that I think about it.” More happy toe wriggling, this time because she was thinking about her husband. “Everything’s going well. Edward is good at finding people.”
“Should’ve brought Seth along. They would’ve founded a country and joined the UN by now. The guy’s a born diplomat.”
“He really is.” She fell into a thoughtful silence.
“I’m glad it’s him and Ness.” Jacob checked his blind spot before passing a minivan struggling to get up to speed in the right lane. “The more I think about it, the more sense they make together.” Jacob drummed the edge of his thumb on the steering wheel. “I mean, still messy as hell. But I guess everything we do is just like that.”
“It doesn’t feel weird. I thought it might.”
“Your stepbrother is dating your daughter.”
“Her entire life, I was prepared for something a lot worse than that. Stepbrother barely registers.”
Jacob decided to let that one pass without comment. Because whoa had they all dodged some bullets.
“Well, glad the diplomatic mission to Alderaan is going so well.”
Bella hummed in agreement and pushed her sunglasses up to rest on her head, pulling her loose hair back like a headband. “It’s good to have a project.”
“You sound like every retired person I’ve ever talked to. You just need a couple of ‘makes me feel like a kid agains’ and the transformation will be complete.”
She rolled her head to the side to watch him. “It does actually, though. Being around you.” Bella reached over and traced the edge of his ear, following it to the lobe to rub the faint outline of scar tissue between her fingers—all that remained of his long-gone gauges. And the industrial had left nothing behind.
“It’s like no time has passed,” she said quietly.
For all of the losses, Jacob had to admit that Bella seemed more relaxed as a vampire, like her human vulnerability had kept her nervously folded up when she’d actually wanted to sprawl. She was always kind of catlike, and she’d finally gotten comfortable enough in the world to stretch out in the sun sometimes. Kind of silly to be skittish when you were the scariest thing out there.
It would’ve happened anyway though, if she’d stayed human. A glass of wine, a big bed, and a day off of work, and Bella would’ve been purring just as loud.
She smiled at him, sleepily slow and thoughtful, and Jacob would wreck if he stared at her the way he wanted to.
“Don’t say it, Bells. Not yet.”
“You don’t even know what I was thinking.” Her cat-in-the-sun grin didn’t fade.
“I can guess.”
“Doubt it.”
Silence gathered, but it was a soft kind now. Gentled. Eased.
Jacob tipped his head back toward the rear windshield, to the road behind them and his distant house. “I’m sorry for biting your head off back there.”
“No, I needed to hear it.”
Maybe that was true, but he could’ve been a little nicer about it. He’d really let some hurt feelings run the show.
“I wish you’d talk to me more,” he said.
Bella blinked at him. “You do?”
“Yeah, I think we’ve established this. I want to monopolize your time.” Jacob paused. “Bells, I want you to talk to me for real. Like, more than you ever have.”
“Oh.” There was a world of pleased surprise in the word.
He’d been telling himself a lot of bullshit about Bella, and it was time to stop.
“I always liked watching you drive,” she said, trying out the talking.
“Good, because I do it a lot.” He flexed his arm gripping the wheel and Bella laughed and shook her head in that way that girls seemed to learn through osmosis—trying to hide the fact that they were definitely looking behind an unimpressed little head shake that just made him want to show off more. “What do you like about watching me drive?”
“I really love your hands.”
Shit, that was fast. Like thought-about-it-a-lot, kinky fast.
“Thanks,” he said. “I’ll remember that.” Jacob gave the bracelet tied around his wrist a spin. “Did you make this one handed or what?”
Bella just laughed again, and Jacob shot her a quick glance. “You serious?”
“Stop teasing me.”
“Stop giving me boners.”
“No.”
Fuck. Jacob was in love with her. Head over heels. He’d known all along, deep down. She was like this: a breath-catching, everyday heart-skip falling. A feet-on-his-dash tease and maybe, maybe he could hold her for real this time. Drag her in and get her in his bed and then everything could be blankets, a late-night hush and slow mornings. And this felt less like the hope that it might actually happen and more like the contentment after it already had.
Yeah, super in love with her.
Jacob grinned and kept driving and didn’t say it.