Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s the evening time when Ena is sitting in the dining room and picking at some cheesecake Akito brought back. After gracefully swallowing a mouthful— unlike her brother, who all but vacuums the slice—she notices Akito’s hair has gotten longer. Cascading down his neck a bit, nearly shoulder length. His bangs aren’t super grown out, so at least he’s kept up to date on that.

Really, Ena feels bad about some things in her life with her little brother—mostly that she, as the older sibling, was never there for him; didn’t care when he’d disappear late into the night to unknown places when he was far too young to be out there. She’d throw things at him or claw at his skin until he was near bleeding when she was too stressed and he pulled her last straw—really, she had a feeling he did it on purpose, perhaps to let her get it all out—and Akito never really gave her attitude about that. He’s full of attitude, but not for the things that actually matter.

Oh , and Ena totally still throws things at him, but he does the same so it’s OK now. That’s far besides the point, though. If Akito wasn’t cutting his hair, he might be in one of those depressive slumps again.

“Your hair’s getting pretty long.” Ena points out, half mumbling. 

Akito hums in acknowledgement. “ So ?”

Ena’s eyebrow twitches. That was most definitely passive-aggressive. But whatever, she’ll let it slide this time. This was just how they interacted, after all; short replies, eye rolls, and passive-aggressive remarks.

“Let me handle it for you.” Ena offers easily. “I’m good at cutting hair, you know. I chopped Mafuyu’s off.”

Akito raises a skeptical eyebrow, “But did it actually look good, or did Akiyama fix it?”

Okay, fuck you, see if I ever offer again! “It looked fine! Jeez, I’m just trying to help, you know.”

“Yeah, I’m good,” Akito scoffs, “I don’t want to go around with my hair looking like an unfinished tetris game.”

Oh, now he’s done it. “ God , fine! Forgive me for offering something out of good will! If you wanna go around looking like a girl, be my guest!” The comment is dripping with sarcasm, and Ena is expecting a simple middle finger and a return to silence, as per the average interaction between the two.

Instead, Ena flinches back as Akito slams his cutlery onto the table and stands up. “ Shut up! I don’t look like a fuckin’ girl! ” His tone is evidently aggressive, and Ena sees a look in his eyes that she’s become mostly unfamiliar with; something between anger and arrogance. He turns on his heel and stomps all the way back up the stairs, slamming his door shut.

…Okay, what the actual fuck is his problem?! Did Ena miss the Akito-is-sexist-now memo or something? Boys are so goddamn dramatic. Part of her is tempted to shout up and say that he does—even if she doesn’t really believe it to be true—just to piss him off more. She stays silent instead and bitterly eats her cheesecake with a bit too much aggression in biting it off of the fork.

It’s no big surprise that later that same night, Ena is blabbering away on Nightcord about her asshole little brother, and it’s no big surprise that interrupting the short moment of silence is a deeper, monotone voice saying “ I don’t care. ” And it’s certainly not even a slight surprise that Mizuki is off of her chair wheezing on the ground moments later. God bless Kanade.

“Fuck both of you.” Ena grumbles.

“I don’t get it.” Mafuyu replies, “Aren’t we supposed to be working on music?”

“Sorting out emotions can be helpful for song-writing…” Kanade hums gently. 

“...I see.”

At the very least, the rambling eases her frustration from her annoying little brother, loading it all onto Mafuyu and Mizuki instead, so at least this wouldn’t be a consistent problem.

Really though, god bless Kanade.

Apparently, ‘ not a consistent problem’ was a wildly incorrect deduction, as Akito ties his hair up at light speed every time Ena sees him and generally side eyes her a majority of the time. Whatever. Not a big deal, he can do what he wants. But after a few days of a general lack of response from him, snappy replies, and outright ignorance of anything Ena asks him to do, she’s incredibly sick of his behavior.

So, she stages an intervention. Akito is just leaning down to tie his shoelaces and leave the house when Ena all but stomps down the stairs and clears her throat. Akito groans, I kid you not, groans at her and leans back.

“Whaddya’ want?” He sighs, crossing his arms. He has that cocky expression on his face as he leans back against the wall.

“ Oh fuck off with that tone.” Ena hisses, crossing her own arms as well. Like brother, like sister, she supposes. “We need to talk. Seriously . Where are you going?”

“Weekend Garage. Meeting my friends. None of your business, really.” He grumbles back.

“In the evening? When are you going to be home? You’re too young to be out that late, you know!” Ena chides. 

“You’re hardly older than me!” He snaps back. “And besides, it’s none of your business. Why are you fuckin’ interrogating me? You never cared before, so stop acting all high and mighty now! ”

Ena flares up with anger, but quickly deflates. Oh. Ouch . She doesn’t have much to say to that, other than opening and closing her mouth over and over again trying to formulate a response. After he raises a cocky eyebrow at her, she finally releases. “Fine, do whatever you want. See if I care. No skin off my back.” 

And she storms off, completely forgetting the conversation she meant to have in the first place.

“So, how’d it go?” An annoying, girly, sing-songish voice rang through Ena’s crappy Walmart headphones. She broke her nice ones after throwing them at Akito a couple months ago. Mizuki still hasn’t let that go.

But more importantly, Mizuki had asked a question, one that Ena had completely forgotten even existed in the first place. “It went like shit . He left and I didn’t even get anything of value out of him.”

“ Figures… ” Mizuki whistles, whispering as if Ena can’t hear her when her stupid pink lips are literally millimeters away from her mic. What an infuriating individual.

“Oh shut it, if you knew it was gonna go so bad why didn’t you stop me in the first place!?” Ena huffs, crossing her arms.

“ Because it was worth a try, ” Mizuki says at the exact same time as Mafuyu says “ Because it’d make you shut up about it. ”

Before Ena can absoloutely lose her shit on her two obnoxious friends, a sweeter, gentler voice cuts in. “I’m sorry it didn’t go well, Ena… I’m sure you can get through to him soon.”

“T-Thank you, Kanade…” And fuck you, Mizuki and Mafuyu. She leaves that part out.

“...So can we actually make the music now?” Especially fuck you Mafuyu.

Something seriously needs to change. Like, seriously seriously. Ena had felt like she was finally drifting closer to her brother, finally getting to know him like she should’ve done in the first place, and now all of a sudden it’s like a massive rift was torn open between the two by industrial standard machinery. And Ena’s made many mistakes, but losing her little brother isn’t about to be one of them.

So first, she appeals to him with a fat stack of pancakes. He looks at her skeptically, but says thank you and eats them. So far, so good. Now, to subtly broach the topic.

“What kind of person is Toya?”

…What the hell kind of question is that? ! Ena’s met Toya enough times to know that if that boy is a sexist , he’s also an oscar winning actor . And Akito just stares at Ena, bewildered by her incredibly stupid comment, and for once Ena actually agrees that what she said was incredibly stupi

“...Well you’ve met him, haven’t you?” Akito grumbles back. And Ena can’t really say anything to that because yes, she has, and yes, she thinks he’s quite the upstanding boy. She’d totally trade Akito for him.

…She wouldn’t really , but that’s not the point.

“ Ugh , yeah, I know. He’s a great guy, blah blah…” Ena can’t even stop herself from banging her forehead against the table. Come on, just get to it. Their parents aren’t home, it’s the perfect opportunity. “Look, Akito. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this, but ever since I made that comment about your hair, you’ve been so incredibly bitchy. What’s going on in that little head of yours?”

“What the fuck did that have to do with Toya?” Akito furrows his brows, focusing on entirely the wrong portion of Ena’s words.

“ Nothing ! I didn’t mean to say that!” Ena sighs, exasperated. “Fine! I’m done beating around the bush! Do you hate women or something ?! I didn’t even mean that comment, and you're all side-eyeing me, being rude to me, ignoring me—and frankly, it’s driving me insane! Who the hell are you hanging out with?!”

Akito stands up, his face quickly morphing into a very, very pissed off expression. “ Oh my god , you’re so, so fucking dramatic! You think I have it so easy, you—”

“ This !” Ena shouts, also standing up and smacking the table for dramatic effect, “This is exactly what I’m talking about! What the hell are you even saying, do you hear yourself?! What, do you think men are under oppression or some shit?! You talk like you think your life would be so much fucking easier as a woman!”

“ Maybe it would be! ” He shouts back.

Ena sees red .

“Maybe it would be? … Maybe it fucking would be?!” She stops up to him and grabs his hoodie, shouting into his face, “You incel! What the hell changed?! You were never like this before! You think it’s easy being a woman ?! You think it’s easy—”

“No! Of fucking course not!” Akito shouts back, interrupting her, “I’ve left the house in the middle of the night to buy you chocolates and products that you need, I’ve fallen asleep outside your door when you were in pain on your period worrying sick about you, just wanting to make sure you were still okay, I’ve punched a couple kids in the face for talking shit about you and Akiyama! I know I’ll never understand! Of course I know that! But fuck , maybe, just maybe , if I was a girl, I wouldn’t have to sit through your snide comments about my hair length, or An’s teasing about the key I sing in—Maybe I’d actually be able to dress the way I want to without everyone laughing, maybe I could express that I like those stupid cute Sanrio characters just as much as you do without someone doubling over laughing at me! Maybe that would be easier!”

“ You know nothing about being a girl! ” Is all Ena can think to shout in that moment, and if Ena had been seeing clearly, maybe she would’ve noticed the tears streaming down his face, or the way he was shaking, pale as he talked, or the way he sobbed out the words ‘ I know ’ before he ran upstairs—how he ran , not stomping up to make a scene, but instantly fleeing like a scared mouse.

Maybe, Ena could’ve had one last chance to be there for her little brother.

What Ena does do, however, is clue into her massive fuck up as soon as she turns to Mizuki who’s been awfully silent this entire rant only to see her staring wide eyed and pale at Ena. What Ena does do, is see a shocking parallel between the Mizuki staring at her face to face in her ridiculously pink bedroom and the Mizuki in abject horror on the rooftop, the Mizuki who ran and ran and isolated herself until Ena could finally break her out of it. What Ena does do, is think more clearly on what happened that night, and what Ena does do is realize that Akito had made that exact same horrified, terrified face.

“ Fuck .” Is all she can say in the moment. After a painful, grueling second, she throws herself at Mizuki, wrapping her arms around her best friend and rocking her back and forth gently. “I’m sorry, Mizuki, I’m so, so sorry…”

And this time, Mizuki clutches her back immediately and goes right along with it, patting Ena on the back to reassure as if Ena hadn’t been the one to trigger a horrifying flashback in her . “It’s okay,” She manages, but her tone is awfully uneven, “ I’m okay, Ena.”

Ena only holds on tighter, because Mizuki’s ‘okay’ , tearing up in her arms, and Akito is god knows where, probably all on his own, while Ena just ranted and complained about everything he was insecure about to her best friend.

“Mizuki— Shit , Mizuki, what do I do?” Ena sobs rather ungracefully into Mizuki’s shoulder. Mizuki’s probably going to be sporting a nice glob of Ena’s snot after this, but neither of the two girls find themselves caring about that. 

“I don’t know,” Mizuki replies, “I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out, okay?” And Mizuki’s voice isn’t annoying and sing-songish, but rather gentle and low and still girl-ish, and to Ena, that means that everything’s going to be okay, because Ena will always be Mizuki’s rock, and in return, Mizuki will always be hers. Everything will be okay, because they’re both in it together, as a team, always .

It’s a few hours later when Ena is pacing around Mizuki’s living room, muttering and mumbling. “What do I do? I said that to my own brother —Is Akito even my brother anymore?”

“I don’t know,” Mizuki says gently, “You’ll have to ask.”

“Okay. Okay, I can do that. What else do I do—Fuck, what do I do? Should I script this? A peace offering ! We need to buy a peace offering!”

“Ena, calm down, it’s going to be okay.” Mizuki assures softly, grabbing Ena’s wrist. Nothing feels okay. It feels like Ena just made the biggest mistake of her life. It feels like Ena just repeated her worst mistake, letting Mizuki go that day, and made it even worse by being the asshole that made them run . But somehow, Ena knows that Mizuki understands that and sticks with her still.

“ Right . You’ll be there, right?” Ena tries, looking at Mizuki desperately.

“I’ll warm him up first, but you’re gonna need to do this on your own, okay? I know that you’ll find the right words to say, Ena. You found them for me, after all.” Mizuki tucks a strand of hair behind Ena’s ear, and Ena softens considerably.

“You’re right… Okay, you’re right. Let’s go find him.”

When Ena and Mizuki make it up the stairs, Mizuki is the one to knock on the door.

“Yo~ You in there, Akito-kun?” Mizuki’s voice is playful and light despite the red under her eyes. 

There’s no response. Mizuki looks at Ena. She nods.

“Okay, I’m coming in then~” Mizuki hums, turning the knob. When Mizuki is in there for longer than 30 seconds, Ena knows that he’s in there.  And now, it’s Ena’s turn to wait on her own. 

The first thing Mizuki does when she spots Akito is plop down behind him, facing the other direction.

“Heya. It’s me.” Mizuki says carefully. Akito is quiet. And even with all the lights off, she could still see the way he shook and the scratches on his arms from his own nails in the split second that she saw him before turning around.

Instead of saying more, Mizuki opens up her phone and types into the notes app.

‘not looking ;)’ And she slides the phone over to Akito wordlessly. It takes a while until curiosity seems to get the best of him and he grabs Mizuki’s phone with shaky hands. He looks at it for a long, long time. And that’s okay. Mizuki can wait.

If relief had a sound, Mizuki decides that it's the sound of Shinonome Akito shakily typing on Mizuki’s phone. It takes a long while, and Mizuki is sure the answer will be short regardless. And that’s okay, because Mizuki can wait.

If it weren’t for the particularly emotional moment, Mizuki might’ve laughed when she saw the word ‘okay’ on her notes app with nothing else. Mizuki had definitely heard far, far more characters being typed than four . That’s fine, though.

She can wait.

Mizuki spends a while too, for her part, wondering what to write. After a long moment, she settles on a longer entry. 

‘can i talk to you? you can just use my phone to answer. we don’t have to see each other. it’s okay if you’d rather not, too.’

She slides the phone over to him again. This time, he takes it much faster. And then they both wait for a while. Mizuki can wait. Mizuki will wait. And this time, a bit of air does escape her nose when she sees what he writes back; ‘okay’

“You know,” Mizuki starts carefully, ignoring the strange rasp in her voice. She waited once. She waited a long, long time. And others had to wait too, for her , but that was okay. They were okay with it. Mizuki is okay with it, so she waits. “You’ve always treated me like a normal girl.”

And Mizuki waits a bit longer in case he wants to reply, and he does. And Mizuki waits quietly as he fumbles around with her clunky, decorated phone. 

‘i really don’t want to do this right now. sorry’

“I’m not scolding you, you know.” Mizuki smiles sadly as she speaks. “I’m thanking you. You know, I really appreciated it when you punched that guy in the face.” There’s a sharp inhale behind Mizuki, which she confidently assumes is an attempt not to laugh mid sob. She’s been there. A couple times, actually. “Not everyone is okay with treating me like a girl.” She slides the phone back to Akito, because she forgot to do that before she started talking again.

He takes the phone as soon as Mizuki’s finger is off of it. And Mizuki hardly waits before it’s slid right back to her.

‘i dont get it’

Distantly, Mizuki wonders if there was some kind of mix up on which Nightcord member this kid was a sibling of. “I think you could get it better than most people.” Mizuki replies gently. Akito stiffens. Mizuki doesn’t wait; she doesn’t slide the phone back. “You know about those rumors, don’t you? I mean, you did punch a guy because of them.” Maybe this was the wrong way of going at this, but it was too late for second thoughts. She couldn’t keep waiting for this part, it was time to come clean.

What she does do is wait a simple moment, just a beat, for Akito to interject verbally. And he does. 

Mizuki would too.

“No, I—...” His voice is all too high, cracking, “I know I don’t under–understand… What… What you go through.”

“You can’t understand what Ena goes through.” Mizuki confirms. “Neither can I.”

And there’s a bit of silence, and Mizuki hears ruffling. There’s no phone sliding between them, but there is a faint tap on the back of her hand, and Mizuki can’t help but smile. She turns around.

Ena’s younger sibling is staring at her, wide-eyed, with tear stains on his cheeks and red, puffy eyes. And honestly, Mizuki is sure she looks the same. 

“Things won’t always stay the same,” Mizuki says softly, “And that’s okay . Even if it isn’t at first. Even if it really, really feels like nothing will ever be normal again, like nobody will ever see you as you again, even if it feels like you’re drowning in something and you don’t know what, just that you can’t get out no matter what you do and it’s suffocating,” and Mizuki is crying too, and even Mizuki doesn’t really understand what she’s saying anymore, “ Eventually , the water goes down. Eventually, it’s not the same, but it’s okay. Sometimes, it’s great .”

“I don’t—”

“I know.” Mizuki interjects. “I know you don’t know. But you understand , and that’s enough for me. I know that it feels like you’re about to sever the last link you had left, like you’re about to lose everything that you worked so, so hard for, and you might lose that link for a moment. It might snap in half, but when you tie it back together, it’s going to be stronger than ever before.”

Akito only stares, lips slightly parted, clearly unsure of what to say. Mizuki never knew what to say. 

But Mizuki speaks. “I know you know what to do.” And in a gentle, albeit kind of goofy gesture, she pats him on the head a couple of times.

Mizuki stood up. Akito didn’t stop her. Mizuki smiled again, and she left the room. 

When Mizuki gently shuts the door behind her with red eyes and a faint smile, Ena knows she’s in. She takes a deep, deep breath before nodding to Mizuki.

“You got this.” Mizuki whispers with a small, fond smile.

Ena nods, and does her very best to smile back. Carefully, she pushes the door open. 

Akito is on the floor hugging his knees, avoiding eye contact but not hiding himself, and for that, Ena acknowledges that Mizuki did a damn good job. Ena doesn’t go too close just yet, keeping a respectable distance between them, and she drops down to the ground as well, getting level with him.

“Hey.” Ena says, forcing a small smile. Akito doesn’t reply, he only shivers. “I really fucked up. I’m sorry about what I said, it wasn’t true at all.”

Ena pauses for a moment. 

“But this isn’t about me.” She settles, trying to keep her tone as soft as possible. “I’ve been a dick to you, I know, but I’m really worried about you. I’ll be here for you no matter what, okay?”

Ena waits. She’s waited before, and she can surely wait again. 

“I—” Akito gasps, “ —I don’t… Don’t know .” His face falls into his hands, shaking like a scared child. “I’m scared , Enanan— I’m really scared…”

It all comes flowing out at once—The conversation with Mizuki, the insecurity is his own identity, the self isolation—and when he finishes talking, he chokes on tears and shakes his head. Ena opens up her arms, and he dives forward, burying his face in her shoulder.

“It’s okay,” Ena assures gently, running her hands through his hair, “We can take this one step at a time, okay? It’s okay to test the waters, you know.”

“But I— What do I do ? Ena, what—” Akito stops, gasping for air.

Ena isn’t sure if she’s saying the right thing when she speaks, but she does it anyway with hope heavy in her heart; “I’d love to have a little sister, if that’s what you want to try.”

And Akito gasps, and then sobs, shaking and gripping onto Ena like a lifeline, and Ena holds Akito carefully like the most precious thing in the world, running her hands through their hair. “ What if I’m wrong —What would I do?” 

“It’s okay to be wrong.” Ena replies. “But you know, nothing ventured, nothing gained. So…” 

“I think—” Akito gasps, “I want to–to try.”

Ena was never really there for her little brother. Ena may have missed her last chance to do so. But at the very least, she’ll make damn sure she’s there for her little sister.

‘Akiko’ is what Mizuki says jokingly, but she likes it a lot, so Ena and Mizuki decide to keep calling her that for real. Ena is all too excited to stick her My Melody bandaids all over Akiko’s scratched up arms, which Mizuki laughs at in good nature. If only they still had the badtz maru bandaids… Oh well.

Maybe Ena’s a little too excited about having a little sister. But who cares. Mizuki stays the night, helping as Ena basically forces her little sister to let her do her makeup, and despite Akiko grumbling and complaining all the while, it’s very clear that she’s enjoying this. A single word pops into Mizuki’s head; tsundere . 

“Oh, right!” Mizuki suddenly perks up. Ena, who is half-way through braiding a strand of Akiko’s hair parallel to her own, looks over to her.

“What’s up?” Ena’s voice is light and gentle, evidently tired from the mentally exhausting day she’s had—all three of them have had. Mizuki tugs at the ends of her hair ribbon, letting her hair flop unceremoniously onto her shoulder. “Oh wow. Perma-ponytail. Do you ever take that thing out?”

“Oh, be quiet.” Mizuki laughs, running her fingers through her hair to even it out. She scooches a bit closer to Ena and Akiko and snatches the hair elastic from Ena’s hand, shoving her ribbon there instead.

“ Wh – That ribbon’s way bigger than mine.” Ena raises a brow, pouting slightly.

“ Wow . Overbearing much?” Mizuki whistles, “Akiko, don’t you wanna look like big sis Mizuki instead?”

“Absoloutely not.” 

“See? She wants her hair done like mine .” Ena replies confidently. Mizuki scoffs.

“No, I just don’t care.” Akiko quickly shuts them both down, unimpressed. “And don’t call yourself ‘big sis,’ Akiyama. We’re the same age.”

“ Ouch… Need some ice for that, Mizuki?” Ena hums back.

“ She doesn’t want to look like you either! ”

Despite the continued grumbling, Ena ties Mizuki’s ribbon into Akiko’s hair, ending the braid with a big bow instead of a tiny one. It looks nice, actually. Very nice. Akiko finds herself staring at it for perhaps a bit too long…

“Wow, she’s like a mix of both of us now! Our daughter…” Mizuki sighs dreamily, to which Ena quickly shuts her down, saying “ She’s my sister ” and such.

Akiko also gives her a very, very similar look of disappointment. “Akiyama. Same . Age .”

Mizuki realizes just how alike Akiko and Ena look in facial structure.

Before long, Ena springs to her feet with a sudden wave of energy as she hears the kettle come to a boil. She quickly excuses herself, leaving to make some tea. Knowing Ena well, Mizuki’s sure she’s going to attempt to make it the exact same way that Kanade does.

In the moment of brief silence, Akiko suddenly tugs on Mizuki’s sleeve. “What’s up?” Mizuki blinks.

“It’s just…” She bites her lower lip, contemplating, before shaking her head. “...Nevermind. It doesn’t matter.”

Oh no. That simply won’t do.

“What’s wrong? It’s clearly not nothing.” Mizuki’s used to others pushing her away when she tries to help—after all, her four best friends are experts in that field, Rui included—but even more so because she herself is used to pushing others away, to fearing those who get too close. 

“Well, it’s just…” Akiko pauses, shoving a hand up her sleeve and scratching at her arms frantically. Mizuki quickly grabs her wrists. “It’s stupid, I–”

“It’s not stupid if it’s affecting you.” Mizuki smiles softly.

“I’m…” Akiko sighs, avoiding eye contact, “I’m just… I’m scared. Like, really scared. I’m not used to being scared—I’m…I’m used to getting hurt , to getting sad , to getting angry , and generally feeling impending dread, and—and I think I would’ve called that fear before, but this is—It’s just, I’ve never felt so…” She trails off, but it’s okay, because Mizuki knows the feeling. She nods patiently, letting her finish. “I… I guess, there’s a lot I’m scared about now. Like—Like what you said before, and what Ena said before. I’ll never really understand her, will I? Won’t that just… I don’t know, make her angrier ?”

Mizuki is tempted to ask, is Ena usually mad? But she doesn’t think she’ll like the answer much—because Ena was once a very, very troubled person—and a very angry troubled person, though for good reason. “You’ll come to learn and understand a lot of what she goes through.” Mizuki shakes her head. “Sure, there are some things you can’t understand, but for each of those things… I’ll be there instead to share the struggle, you know? And Ena knows that too.”

“Well… That’s…” Akiko sinks into the couch a little bit, looking rather overwhelmed and flustered. 

“ Akiko .” Mizuki brings Akiko’s hand to her chest, smiling softly. “I’m here for you. And as for Ena… She’s really excited about all this, you know? She’s here for you, too. She really, really wants to be there for you; will you give her that chance?”

Akiko gapes at Mizuki for a moment, before nodding faintly, small tears forming in the corner of her eyes. “M…mhm…” She tries, finding herself struggling to speak. 

“I’m glad. And if she’s mean, tell me and I’ll throw something at her.” Mizuki giggles.

“I can do that myself, though..?” Akiko tilts her head oh-so-innocently , wiping the tears from her eyes with her oversized sleeves, and Mizuki can already tell that having a sister might be even harder for Ena than having a brother was. Oh, how the guilt-trips of puppy-eyes work so much better from girls.

By the time the next school day rolls around, Mizuki playfully trots over to Akiko, who’s nervously tugging at the bow Ena put in her hair—the one Mizuki gave her—and nudges her side.

“What are you doing at school?” She raises an unimpressed eyebrow at Mizuki. It was honestly a fair question, considering Mizuki’s questionable attendance record.

“Getting my education, duh!” Mizuki doesn’t mention that part of it because she thinks it might be easier now, knowing that there’s someone like her. She doesn’t need to mention it—it goes unsaid.

Akiko rolls her eyes but still has a faint smile on her lips and begins to walk away, but Mizuki places a hand on her shoulder before she can get away and whispers into her ear. 

“ Lil’ sis. ” 

Akiko paused for just a moment, before going bright red and hauling her bag at Mizuki. Oh dear, it looks like I’m on the receiving end instead of Ena, Mizuki thinks to herself. Even so, Mizuki is clutching her stomach laughing, trying not to completely double over, as Akiko continuously haphazardly throws her bag at Mizuki. They were definitely getting some weird looks from their classmates. They didn’t particularly care. People will always talk; if they can focus slightly more on Akiko hauling her bag at Mizuki instead of the ribbon in her hair, then really, isn’t it for the better?

…Bag-throwing aside, even as the two practically ran laps around the courtyard in a chase, there was still this fresh, new sense of giddy fondness in the interaction. This wasn’t a rude guy throwing stuff at an annoying girl, nor a guy throwing things at another guy; this was a playful interaction between friends, between girls .

Mizuki decides that she really wouldn’t trade her identity, her life, her upbringing for the world . In every tragedy, there’s a blessing to be found. For every moment she’s struggled, she’s learned how to help someone like her.

She’s learned how to be happy.

Chapter Text

To be completely frank, Akiko wasn’t sure how she had managed to let herself get dragged out shopping with her team—one second, they were about to go into the SEKAI, and the very next, they were at the shopping center rummaging through a clothing store.

Well, An was doing the rummaging, really.

Kohane was sifting through the racks carefully, while An was all but diving straight into them, while Toya only watched with an expression best described as awe.

“Hey, fashion boy!” An called, still not distancing herself from the rack, “Quit standing around and go get stylish or something!” 

“I don’t need more clothes.” Akiko replied simply, “Unlike somebody here, I’m not an over-consumer.”

“Oh, come on ! I thrift!” An huffed back, releasing a small hum of approval as she took a shirt off the rack. “Seriously though, you guys should at least try some stuff on.” 

“Sure.” Toya nodded, but he made no effort to move whatsoever.

“Not in the market.” Akiko replied in contrast. Still, she supposed she was being dragged around for the foreseeable future, so it could be worth humoring An a bit. “Unless you wanna pick something out for me.”

Really, a horrid decision, but it could prove rather fun. Akiko quickly settled on the horrid sentiment when she saw An’s eyes light up.

“ Deal !” In an instant, An was at the other side of the store. 

“Oh dear.” Kohane mumbled, blinking as she watched An take off.

“You can dress me up, if you feel like it.” Toya offered plainly. … What are we, dolls? Kohane smiled and nodded, also excited by the prospect, but to a respectable extent unlike a certain somebody else.

Akiko decided to survey An’s wild search after a while.

“So what’s completely off the table?” An said, her tone all too serious. 

“Just do whatever you want.” Akiko sighed, “You’ll find a way to make me look stupid either way.”

“Who pissed in your oatmeal this morning?” She grumbled back, teasingly. 

Still, it wasn’t long until the four of them were whisked off to the dressing room to try on the clothes. Kohane went first, much to her own embarrassment, as An insisted wholeheartedly that she should go. As expected, An fawned over Kohane endlessly in every single outfit, even when Kohane seemed to be regretting her choices. She did look very nice though, Akiko acknowledged.

After that, An had tried on a couple of outfits herself. And as expected, Kohane complimented her in every single one. And yes , once again, Akiko can acknowledge that An did look damn good. An quickly put some items aside—her purchases of the day—and shoved Akiko into the changing stall, much to her dismay.

Looking at the stuff An grabbed, Akiko sighed slightly. Nothing matched. “Stop hanging around with Kamishiro-senpai.” Akiko called through the door. She heard An snort and try not to laugh out loud. Still, Akiko decided to humor An once, and put on a few god awful pieces and opened the door.

Kohane just stared blankly, smiling with no real approval on her face, Toya’s head was cocked to the side, hand clamped over his mouth trying not to laugh, and An had honest-to-god tears in her eyes laughing.

“I didn’t know your taste was this bad, Shiraishi…” Toya mumbled, choking on air as he tried not to laugh.

“ Wh — Oh come on, you know I only did it to make fun of him !”

“I’m not so sure…” Kohane joined in unexpectedly, smiling warmly, “Maybe you should prove it by dressing Shinonome-kun well .”

Wow . Akiko could sense the inner imp in Kohane, and honestly, it was probably the most terrifying thing she’s come across with this group. Definitely don’t get on Kohane’s bad side, her smile is way too sweet masking that devilish aura.

“I don’t have anything else!” An sighed dramatically, “Unless Akito wants to try on my party formal outfit here.” An held up a rather nice black dress with a red cardigan. 

“I could wear it better than you.” Akiko said without thinking, because she thought it was really funny.

An blinked at her for a moment, flabbergasted, before grinning and shoving her right back into the change room with the dress. And because it’s funny, and definitely not for any other reasons that may or may not be related to dropping hints, Akiko actually put on the dress. It was a bit tight around the shoulders and a bit loose around the waist, because it was An’s size and they obviously have different measurements and proportions. Mostly Akiko is unimpressed with how short the dress seems since she’s taller than An.

“You’re too short.” Akiko called out, really just to tease.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” An shouted back, immediately taking the bait.

“Is the dress too short?” Kohane’s tone sounded genuinely worried, as if this was something she had been looking forward to this whole time. 

“Nah.” A little bit . But who cares, it’s just them anyway. 

So she opened the door up and gestured to herself in a rather unspirited motion. 

“ Holy shit ,” An gaped, “Now you really look like a girl.”

And it’s funny, because An doesn’t know. Because to An, she’s just hanging out with her guy friend who randomly decided to humor her by cross-dressing. It’s funny because An watched Akito’s overreaction to being compared to a girl before, and unknowing of the mental toll, teased her about it.

“Ya think?” Akiko hummed thoughtfully.

An blinked once. And twice. And eight times before speaking, “ Wh — Where’d your attitude go all of a sudden? ! Usually, you get so insulted!” 

“If I know anything about you,” Akiko starts, tone strong, “It’s that you like girls too much. If you’re comparing me to a girl, you’re basically calling me cute. That’s a compliment .”

Before An could even process that statement, both her and Akiko turned suddenly at the sound of someone spitting their drink, only to see Kohane, one hand over her stomach and the other on her mouth, shaking trying not to laugh. Toya only chuckled.

“Kohane, is it really that funny… And what do you mean I like girls too much—”

“It’s so true…” A wheezy, breathless voice managed from the ground. 

“See, even Kohane agrees with me.” Akiko replied, pointing at their pile of friend.

“Kohane…” An sighed sadly, her voice holding a hint of betrayal. Kohane, for her part, was still on the floor trying not to burst out laughing. Akiko could tell that An was actually very, very endeared by the sight of Kohane so amused.

But if there was one thing An did scarily well, it was dragging on a bit for way too fucking long. Akiko sighed, knowing she would be in for the long haul with this joke.

Akiko took a few steps forward, turning to her other friend, “Oi, Toya. Tell me I outdid An—”

He was deliberately avoiding eye contact. At first, there was a pang of pain in Akiko’s heart—Toya was too disturbed to even look at her when she was being herself—But something seemed…

“You look… Great…” Toya quickly glanced over Akiko, only to hide his face in his hand immediately.

Akiko blinked. “Woah. Didn’t peg you as the pervy type.”

“ Akito ..!”

…Before long, Akiko was back in her normal clothes and Toya was whisked away into the stall. He looked nice in the outfit Kohane had pulled together. An let out a little ‘ooh’ in approval and shot Kohane a thumbs up.

“Azusawa, Can I try on one of your outfits?” Toya spoke and Akiko nearly choked.

Kohane blinked a few times, eyes widening comically; “Ah, I think everything I have is too small…”

“Oh, alright. Next time, then.” Toya hummed.

“Woah, We’re gonna get to see Toya in girly clothes too! He’s got that princely look, so he’ll probably look pretty.” 

Akiko hummed in agreement. Probably true. Probably better than she looked herself, anyway . She swallowed the bitter words dancing on her tongue, now is not the time to be jealous. It’s never the time to be jealous, actually , especially not of Toya.

That being said, they were soon out of the clothing store with a few bags, Akiko dutifully holding Kohane’s for her. When An asked her to take hers too, Akiko simply scoffed and told her to hold her own damn bags. “ Favoritism .” An had said with a pout. Toya, ever the gentleman, decided to hold An’s bag along with his own. Good thing clothes aren’t heavy.

“I’m kinda mad actually.” An hummed, no actual anger in her voice despite her words. “I think he looks better in my new dress than I do.” 

“Jealously isn’t a cute look on you.” Akiko scrunched up her nose.

“Since when did you care about what’s cute?” An huffed back, nudging against her shoulder. “Besides, anything can be a cute look on me. I’m adorable. Right, Kohane?”

“H-Huh..?” Kohane blinked, blushing as she was suddenly brought into the conversation. “Um… Well, yes, you are very cute, An-chan.”

An wore a proud look. “See? Can we get drinks? I want bubble tea.”

“...Why’d you say that like it was related to the rest of the conversation..?” Akiko sighed.

“I think drinks are a good idea.” Toya affirmed with a gentle smile. “I wouldn’t mind grabbing coffee…”

“Of course you wouldn’t.” Akiko mumbled. “Alright, alright. Let’s go, then.”

Akiko loved hanging out with her friends. She really, really did. But by the end of it, she was exhausted . Sure, she always got tired after going out; despite her extraverted nature, her social battery and tolerance for stimuli was actually pretty low. But as of late, it was worse than ever. She didn’t let it bother her while she was with them—She wasn’t out to them, it wouldn’t make sense to be hurt by it, but god did it take a toll once she was home. 

“Jeez, what do you want–” Ena’s voice was annoyed and quick as she opened her door, but her eyes softened upon seeing Akiko’s tired face. She sighed. “Okay, okay. Come in.” 

Ena ushered her little sister into her room and basically threw random plushies at her. Akiko crinkled her nose is disdain, but accepted the plushies nonetheless. 

…Honestly, if Ena was learning one thing, it was that it was kind of unreasonable how much she hated having Akiko in her room before. The girl was damn quiet, to the point where Ena kept almost forgetting she was even there.

“Do you wanna talk, or…?” Ena mumbled, turning her chair around. Her drawing could wait… For now. 

Akiko pawed at her sleeves, looking deep in thought. “...What do I do about my friends..?” She finally murmured.

Ena blinked. “Uh, your choice? You can tell them if you want–”

“What should I do?” She cut in again, scratching lightly at her wrist. Hell no . Ena got up and took her hand, gently guiding it away as she sat next to her on the bed. 

“Y’know, I can’t make the decision for you..” Ena sighed softly, “But you seem really torn up about this. Do you want to tell them?”

“...I dunno…” Akiko replied, her breathing evening out slightly as Ena held onto her hand. “I just… Feel like shit, lyin’ to them.”

“That part’s the least of my worries.” Ena scoffed. “You aren’t lying to anyone. They’ll understand. I’m more worried about how you feel.”

Akiko blushed, embarrassed. “When did you become such a sap?”

“Since my little sister started asking me for help.” Ena chuckled in response, nudging against her shoulder lightly. Akiko cracked a small smile as well. 

“...I do think I want to tell them, but…” She glanced aside. “It’s weird. I know they’re nice n’ shit, but… What if they don’t understand? ‘Specially An, I feel like she might tease…” 

“Oh, An’ll be fine.” Ena scoffed lightly. An was definitely the least of her worries out of the bunch, having known and even helped Mizuki a whole year before Ena learned herself. “I get why you’re so hesitant, but really… If it’s what you want, I’m sure they’ll support you all the way.” 

Ena physically couldn’t imagine Akiko’s eccentric little friends hating her over that. If anything, the little idiots would be thrilled .

“But what if–”

“Akiko.” Ena squeezed her hand lightly. “It’s your choice if you want to say it or not, but… Don’t overthink it.”

Akiko pouted, sinking down a bit. 

A few beats of silence.

“...Can we watch TV?” 

“Can I draw at the same time?”

“Okay.”

“C’mere, idiot.”

“ Heyyy , Akito! Are you even paying attention?”

…

“...Huh..?” 

An groaned, flopping on the table. “It’s too hot. We’ve even lost Akito to the heat… None of us can function. Vivid BAD SQUAD is over..!”

“I wouldn’t go that far…” Kohane giggled at her overdramatic nature. “It’s just a really hot day. We can always figure out the setlist later–”

“ No .. We put it off… Enough… ” 

Akiko blinked. “...Where did that come from?” She turned beside her only to see her friend practically melted into the booth seat, slowly slipping down and drenched in sweat. “ Woah… Uh, you good, Toya?”

Toya mumbled something incoherently, his eyes squeezing shut in discomfort. 

“Poor thing. If even Shinonome-kun is hot, he must feel like a puddle…” Kohane said sympathetically. tapping on her glass of strawberry lemonade. 

“It’s just like that one episode…” Akiko murmured under her breath.

Kohane blinked. “...What?”

“We’ve officially lost the plot if Akito of all people is talking about TV shows.” An groaned. Akiko couldn’t really deny that; she didn’t really care for TV, or for books, or for manga or really anything other than music.

“What if we just… Picked random songs?” Toya murmured under his breath, slowly sinking beneath the table. Akiko sighed, pulling him back up despite his flustered protests.

An flicked the placemat on the table. “We’ve lost even more of the plot if Toya’s suggesting a half-assed solution.” 

“Ughh… I’ll try to use my head…” Akiko frowned, learning on the palm of her hand. “How many originals and how many covers?” 

“Uh… We’re at a point where we could probably do more originals than covers, but we might aswell do splitsies to stay in the comfort zone for now.” An hummed, pushing the folder she was holding towards Akiko.

“Why the hell are you writing it physically..? We’re gonna sweat through the paper, man…” Despite her criticisms, Akiko inspected the paper explaining the details of their next show time. “Woah. That’s a pretty long segment for the summer.” Akiko hummed. Beside her, she heard a pitiful whine that she tried to ignore and not laugh at. Poor Toya, can’t handle the heat at all…

“Right? I snatched it up because it was such a good opportunity, but then I realized that nobody wanted it because it’s so fucking hot .”

“Language…” Toya murmured. Kohane laughed.

“It’s summer, we do summer songs.” Akiko hummed, pushing the straw around her empty glass. “Like uh… Awake Now . That’s a good one for the summer.”

An hummed, “Actually, not a bad idea… We haven’t performed Awake Now in a while, so it’ll be good to show our improvement. But… Do we really have that many songs that are good for the summer?”

…For a group all about bright colors and energy, they had a surprisingly low amount of ‘summer hit’ sounding songs. 

“We’ve got Ultra-C.” Akiko shrugged.

“We always do Ultra-C.”

“Exactly. Can’t let the Ultra-C likers down, right?”

An groaned. They really weren’t getting anywhere. “What if we all pick a song we want to sing and go from there?” 

“... Haven… ” 

“...He’s going to be in heaven if he goes without a cold drink for another five minutes.”

After hydrating their poor little puddle of a friend, they were able to continue discussing the setlist. 

“Let’s do FUEL.” Akiko murmured, looking over the list.

“Are you kidding? In the summer ?” An blinked. “You know how much heat hard rock like that will produce in the venue, right?” 

“We make rock and EDM music, man. Nothin’s gonna keep us cool, it’s sound waves everywhere.” She sighed.

“Why not Kashika instead?” Kohane tilted her head.

An laughed lightly. “That’s a Christmas song.”

…All three of the others paused.

“Fuck do you mean a Christmas song ? How is that a Christmas song..?” 

“Nothing says holiday spirit like a depressive episode.” Toya mumbled, earning a sharp laugh from Akiko. And then she stopped and thought about it.

“Hey, I wrote those lyrics. What do you mean a depressive–”

“We released it around Christmas. That makes it a Christmas song.” An cut back in, nodding confidently.

Akiko’s eye twitched. “What kinda logic is that? No it doesn’t.”

“Um, you guys…” Kohane sighed softly, looking between the three of them, “Are we seriously arguing about Christmas songs?”

“Arguing about not Christmas songs.” Akiko corrected.

“Speaking of summertime, aren’t you gonna cut your hair soon?” An hummed, leaning on her hand.

Akiko’s blood ran cold for a moment.

“...Don’t see what that’s gotta do with anything.” She huffed, subconsciously twirling a strand around her finger.

“It’s super hot out. Doesn’t it get more sweaty?”

“When are you gonna cut your hair?” Akiko frowned back. An paused as if thinking, and then shrugged.

“Huh. Guess you’re right about that. I guess the long hair is part of your style now?” She didn’t sound judgemental, but it still made Akiko feel a bit nervous.

“Um… Yeah.” She mumbled, throat feeling a bit dry. “I don’t wanna cut it shorter. I like it like this.”  Her hair had grown just long enough to go past her shoulders in that familiar layered, shaggy way, like when it was short. It kept the cool, punk-ish look to her.

“That’s cool.” An nodded. “Isn’t it… Y’know. Kinda girly though?”

Her breath hitched.

“ An-chan… Lay off .” Kohane frowned lightly, whispering to the girl beside her.

“Sorry, sorry… I didn’t mean it in a bad way. It suits you, really! It was just… A bit unexpected.” She chuckled nervously.

“I like it.” Toya nodded, as if that added anything useful to the conversation. It didn’t , but Akiko still blushed and looked away. She suddenly felt a bit uncomfortable, shrinking down and pressing her legs tightly together.

“Um… Thanks.” Akiko managed quietly. Just say something. Anything. “I-I know it’s girly.”

…Well, that was something, at least.

“It’s not a big deal! I didn’t mean to make you worry about it, it looks fine–”

“ I want it to look girly..! ” Akiko’s face flushed red as she spoke with an unexpected amount of strength. And just like that, she found herself way too embarassed to properly specify anything, because literally who says that..?!

An chuckled nervously. It was silent for a few more seconds. “ Oh ! Oh, you’re serious?” 

Her throat felt clogged. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t –

“W-Woah..! Hey, it’s not a bad thing! I think it looks really good!” An quickly specified, waving her hands around. “It’s like you said the other day… I like girls, so obviously I like your style!” 

Kohane blinked, brows furrowing, “He didn’t say that he is a girl, just–” 

“I want it.”

The three slowly turned to her again, and she cursed under her breath. “...To be a girl. I mean. I want… that .” 

Toya blinked. “But you’re…” An gave him a glare, to which he tilted his head, confused. “You can do that?”

“If it’s what he… Er, well, if Akito wants to be a girl, Akito can be a girl.” Kohane explained gently. Toya nodded slowly.

“It’s that easy?” 

…If Akiko wasn’t still internally panicking, she’d be laughing really hard.

“Well, no–A lot of people are really judgemental, but if you want to be called a girl then it’s only right for others to respect that…” Kohane tried again.

Toya blinked. “...So Akito’s… A girl?”

All three of them turned and looked at her, and she felt her face burning up again. “Um.” Can I be? Is that okay? Will you stay with me? Am I allowed?  

You don’t need to ask permission. Mizuki had rolled her eyes as she said that, smiling. They’re just idiots if they can’t see you as what you are. You don’t ask them what you can be, you tell them what you are, got it? 

…For all her unnecessary teasing and annoying nature, Mizuki was… A good friend. Akiko liked that about her. And… If Akiko could trust Mizuki, then it was only right…

She could trust her best friends, couldn’t she ?

“...Y-yeah. I’m… A girl .” She mumbled, barely managing it above a whisper but it was enough , and finally it was off of her chest and in the open and she could inhale and breathe –

Toya opened his mouth, but An interrupted. “Ask questions later, Toya.” 

He blushed and nodded, which Akiko actually found kind of cute. Toya was very oblivious to these types of topics, and even more so to proper social cues; of course the poor boy had no idea when to ask. But… He didn’t seem upset or angry or betrayed, just curious.

“Okay.” An hummed. “You’re a girl.”

“...Mhm.” 

God, this is awkward.

Kohane cleared her throat, speaking softly; “Do you use a different name, or..?” 

Akiko wanted to say no, to say don’t worry about it and not embarrass herself or correct them or any of those ridiculous things that made her feel like an idiot—

—But she said she’d be honest, didn’t she?

“...Akiko.”

“Akiko?” An blinked. “That’s… That’s so cute .” She giggled a bit.

“Shut up…” Akiko grumbled, hiding her face with her sleeve. 

“Mm… It’s easy to remember…” Toya said gently. “It suits you… And, since you’re a girl.. It suits you more than your old name, doesn’t it?” 

An gave him an approving look, which he didn’t really understand, but she was proud of Toya for catching on so fast despite not really knowing anything about the topic.

“A-Ah, yeah…” Akiko nodded. “Thanks, man.”

“We’re all… Really happy for you, Shino -…A- Akiko ..!” Kohane smiled, a slow look of confidence on her face. It was sweet. “So um… We’ll beat up anyone bothering you!”

“ W-When did we say that ?!” An turned to her, eyes widening, “Kohanee..! Our street cred !”

Toya furrowed his brows “Doesn’t beating people up give you more street cred?” 

“Not the good kind. Ask her.” An pointed at Akiko.

Akiko grimaced. “Nobody’s beating anyone up, got it?”

“Mm… Okay.” Kohane nodded, giggling. “We’re doing Kashika, right?”

An shook her head. “Nah, that’s a Christmas song.”

“It’s not a fucking Christmas song..!”