Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Shepard knew a losing prospect when she saw one. Her survival thus far had relied on her ability to read a situation instantly—and, more importantly, her ability to read her allies. It was how she’d managed to get half the galaxy to stop squabbling and team up against the Reapers.

She’d never regretted that ability until today.

It should have been a good day. Construction on the Catalyst was going well; she had her boot firmly on the neck of her Council allies, keeping everyone in line long enough to win this thing. She could look in the mirror and really, truly believe they were going to get out of this thing alive. And Thane had finally recovered from the shot that should have killed him. She was here to pick him up from the hospital, to take him back with her to the Normandy where he belonged. He was the only person she had allowed herself to depend on in those long, terrible months after she woke up on that Cerberus slab, the one being in the galaxy who was loyal to her and no one else. Every day she spent without him during her time on Earth had been like a knife lodged in her ribs, keeping her from taking a full breath.

She felt that knife again, looking at him now. It should have been so good to see him standing on his own two feet again, bandages gone, skin once more a vibrant green. And yet when she looked at him now, she didn’t see the only man she could fall asleep beside, the only alien in the galaxy she would let guard her back—she saw a stranger. For a moment, instead of the harsh lights of Huerta, she saw the setting sun on Ilium, a blank-faced murderer facing her across a desk, sizing her up. There was no welcome in his black eyes, only emptiness.

But she was bad at losing, which meant she was simply not going to lose this. She was not going to lose him.

She straightened her back and marched over to him. Instead of her armor or even her dress blues, she was wearing a long, slinky gown that slid over her curves like water, leaving her arms and shoulders bare, waiting for his touch. This was a dress for the end of the movie, where the man took the love of his life into his arms and bent her in half for a long, slow kiss as the camera zoomed in. Hopefully a dress he would rip off her once the tape stopped rolling.

They were not at the end of the movie yet. But Shepard never believed in leaving for tomorrow what she could have today, especially when tomorrow was an open question.

She did not give him any space, either. She crowded right up next to him, close enough to smell the lingering scent of disinfectant and medigel. Close enough so he could feel the heat of her body, smell her perfume. He knew what all those things meant.

And yet those dark eyes remained closed to her, as unwelcoming as the void of space. Her chest tightened again, remembering the crushing weight of a total lack of air. This was the point where he was supposed to take her in his arms—rest his hands on the swell of her hips or cup his face in her hands. He did nothing, only stood perfectly still in that unsettling way of his.

She wanted to speak first, to set the tone, but she was so breathless she couldn’t find the words.

“May we go somewhere more private, siha?” he said, too softly to carry beyond the two of them. That should have been an invitation, words that would slide down her spine like warm fingertips, shivering all the way through her. But his tone was polite. Not cold. She could have answered cold; she didn’t know how to react to being treated like a stranger.

He didn’t wait for an answer, only slid past, somehow without touching her at all, and led her deeper into the Citadel. There were plenty of nooks and crannies where a couple could get lost in each other, even with every spare space stuffed with refugees, but he did not take her to any of those.

Instead, he took her to an empty storefront and opened the door like he owned it, ignoring the boarded-up window. The place had been cleared out too thoroughly for any looting, with empty shelves and empty counters. Even here, Shepard’s mind would not stop tormenting her with what should have been happening instead. They had fucked in worse places. He could lift her onto the counter, push up the skirt of her gown, and discover she was wearing nothing beneath. Slide his mouth up to her pussy or fuck her right there, in plain view of the street.

But he hadn’t touched her at all.

She clenched her hands into fists, letting the sharp bite of her own nails bring back her attitude. She wasn’t weak. No one ever backed her into a corner unless she was dragging them there by the collar. “Well? Are you going to say anything to me, or are you just going to disappear?”

His jaw worked, but he didn’t speak, turning his face away from her.

She pounced on that vulnerability. “Oh? Getting cold feet now? Put up or shut up, Krios. I know what you brought me here to do. It isn’t what you should be doing, but I won’t do the work for you.”

He sighed. “I wish I did not have to—“

“So don’t.” Despite her best efforts, her voice cracked. “Don’t do this to me. Take it back. For fuck’s sake, I got all dressed up for you. Take what I’m offering and we can forget this.”

He shook his head. Now he did meet her eyes, but that was worse than his avoidance—now his eyes were open to her, and the pain in them made her chest tighten afresh. She comforted plenty of people as a matter of course—it was all part of the gig. Some people needed a slap in the face; some people needed a hand up. She gave them whatever they needed because the job demanded it.

Thane, though. Thane had nothing to do with her job. She would have wanted to take him in her arms no matter who she was or what she did for a living. He was the one thing she had chosen for herself.

And now, apparently, that choice wasn’t going to matter anymore.

“I will not hold you back,” he said, very quietly. “You have more to mind than me, and I cannot contribute to this fight the way I did before. I cannot go with you the way you want me to.”

“Did I say anything about you fighting?” Shepard demanded.

Thane’s eyes flashed. She had never thought of them as cold before, because even when they hadn’t known each other, he had looked at her with interest. Now, though, they were as empty as a sky devoid of stars. “I will not be dead weight, Shepard. Do not ask me for that. Do you really think I could stay behind while you risk your life?” He shook his head sharply. One hand drifted up to massage the base of his throat. When he spoke again, his voice had gone as cool as his eyes. “There is work for both of us to be doing. Before, we were lucky enough to do it together. Now, though, we must do it apart, and neither of us will function well if we continue—this.”

Shepard had meant to stay quiet during this whole stupid speech. She would scream and cry and punch things later. For right now, she had the long walk back to the Normandy in mind, and she was determined to keep her head high and her back straight the entire time. That last sentence was a bridge too far, though. “This what? Say what you mean, Thane. You said you loved me.” To her shame, her voice cracked, and she cut herself off before she could blurt anything else out.

Thane blinked once, his face expressionless. “When we met,” he said, his tone flat, “I told you I was a tool, and I placed myself in your hands. I cannot fulfill the purpose I offered you any longer. You must find someone better suited for the job, and I must find something I can do with myself in this—reduced—state.”

“You asshole,” she managed, her voice breaking. The world swam; she told herself it was only lack of sleep, not tears. “You aren’t even going to talk to me like a real person when you break my heart.”

Thane turned his face away, jaw working. Shepard wanted to shove him into the counter.

She wanted to kiss him until he changed his mind.

But she had a little dignity left, so she shook her head. “Enough. I don’t know what I expected. You always said you would die for me, but that’s not good enough, Krios. I knew we were going to make it out of the Collector base, just like I know we are going to crush the Reapers. You have to live for me, too, and if you say you won’t, then fine. Die alone for all I care.”

She turned and walked away before the tears could escape her eyes.

***

In the end, much to her frustration, she didn’t make it back to the Normandy. She caught sight of her reflection in one of the empty storefronts—her beautiful gown, her carefully pinned hair. She had dreamed of Thane ruining both, tearing the dress off her and digging his hands into her hair. Now the only hands who would remove them were her own. She ducked into another random closed store and collapsed on a hard metal chair, burying her face in her hands.

Pathetic. She hadn’t allowed herself to weep over anything concerning the fate of the galaxy. No, when she thought of what else she had lost, she felt only anger. She made it into fuel to drive her forward.

But during all those tough times, she had been able to picture the life she wanted after the war. She would never be the kind of girl to settle down. The only thing she had ever dreamed of was who she would have at her side. And it was supposed to be Thane. Since the first moment they really talked, some part of her had opened to him, a part no one else could touch. The woman, not merely the commander.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat there, sinking beneath the surface of wave after wave of fresh grief. Every time she thought she might have control of herself, at least enough to get back to her private quarters and clean up, she remembered something else—the first time she took his hand. Their first kiss. When he told her he loved her.

Footsteps entered the store, and her head jerked up. She’d had the clarity of mind to position herself out of sight, but she had nowhere to run or conceal herself further.

Then she recognized the cadence of the walk—perfect military time—and her shoulders relaxed. “Go away, Garrus.” She didn’t bother wiping her eyes. Garrus had seen her in much worse shape.

He stayed out of sight—well, mostly. She could see the top of his crest now over a row of shelving. “I won’t bother you. But I thought you might want some other clothes. Long way back to the ship from here.”

She was on her feet before she realized, fists clenched. “Did he tell you—“

“Don’t be stupid, Shep. He never tells anyone anything. But I don’t need a compass to find true north. You want the clothes or not?” He was trying to speak bluntly, but she knew him too well. She could hear the worry thrumming around the edges of his deep voice.

It wouldn’t do her any good to jump down the throat of one of her few remaining allies.

And. Goddammit. She didn’t want to be alone, and she trusted him to watch her six. “Yeah, c’mere.” Now she did wipe her face with the backs of her hands, smearing lipstick and eye shadow across them. She couldn’t remember the last time she put on makeup for fun. She’d have to toss all that out the airlock, along with this dress. She’d never be able to look at any of it again.

Garrus emerged slowly around the edge of the shelf, holding up his free hand like he was worried she might have a gun squirreled away somewhere. When he saw her, he blew out a breath.

She sighed. “That bad, huh? Sometimes I really wish you could lie, Vakarian.”

He shook his head. “Not that. I just don’t know how he could see you in that dress and still go through with it. A smart man would have fucked you against the wall and called it good.”

She didn’t smile, exactly, but her sadness suddenly felt less heavy. Garrus always did that for her. He knew she would never ask for help, so he figured out what he could do and pretended he would have done it anyway. “Yeah, well, do me a favor and tell him that.” She knew she was going to spend the rest of her shore leave—which she had only taken because she’d planned to spend most of it in bed—rewinding the conversation, trying to figure out any way to make things head down a different track.

But Garrus shook his head. “Can’t. My afternoon’s booked.” He tossed the bag in her direction. “Hurry up and change. We have things to do.”

She narrowed her eyes, making no move for the bag. “Vakarian, if you think—“

“I think,” he said, folding her arms and ignoring her death glare, “the last thing you need is any chance to brood over this. You’ll try to avoid it by heading straight back into work, and that’s a terrible idea. You haven’t been sleeping. Thane should have solved that problem by blowing your back out. Since he’s abdicated, you’ll have to settle for the next best thing.”

She kept glaring at him, but she couldn’t figure out how to argue, either. He wasn’t wrong. She did want to head straight back to the command room and catch up on reports. Hell, even a Council meeting sounded like a dream right now. But she would be distracted, and her distraction got people killed.

She let out a disgusted sigh, pushing herself to her feet. “Fine. Turn around. I’m not wearing this one second longer than I have to.”

Garrus’s face turned a suspicious shade of blue around the edges, but he obeyed. “I’d give you more privacy,” he said in a quieter voice, “but you’re too good at sneaking off on me. And they changed the passwords to the Citadel camera system.”

“You’ve seen me in worse shape. Don’t tell me you’re getting squeamish now,” she pointed out, fumbling behind herself for the straps of her dress. It was no good. Liara had helped her get into it. “Besides. I need an extra pair of hands. Or a knife.” She turned around, waiting.

“What, the great Commander Shepard has been brought low by some fancy fabric? You can figure it out.”

“Vakarian.” She meant to use a scolding tone, but she couldn’t disguise the edge of need beneath it.

“Fine, fine.” Garrus approached cautiously, like she was a bomb he was afraid of setting off. Honestly, in her current mood, she couldn’t blame him. She folded her arms. After a moment, she felt a tentative brush against the lacing on her back. “Okay, I have no idea how to undo this. Sure I can cut it?”

“You can do me one better and set it on fire when you’re done.”

“Noted. Hold still.” She felt the lightest brush against her shoulders as he moved the loose section of her hair out of the way. He was always so weird and prudish about touching her. Then he used his talons to cut through the back of the dress. The moment the dress slumped around her, she sighed in relief, moving her arms away so it would all fall to the floor. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, warn a guy.”

Now she did smile, partly from the new sense of freedom and partly at him. “We’ve both seen each other bleeding out. I think you can handle the sight of my bare ass, especially since you’re the one who stuck your mandibles into my business.”

She expected a smart remark, but he didn’t reply immediately. She heard him turn away, so she bent to dig through the bag of clothes. “I just wanted to help,” he said, after too long a wait.

She paused, glancing over her shoulder at him, but he had his back turned again. “You always help me.” It came out too close to a tired sigh, not sincere the way it should have been. And she was too tired to figure out how to fix it. More than that. She knew Garrus would forgive her. She hurried into her clothes, feeling better the moment she closed the zipper on her N7 hoodie.  She pulled her hair free of the clip and shook it out over her shoulders. “There. Now I’m decent.”

Garrus turned back to her. “Is that a little better?” he asked, bending to collect the tattered remnants of her dress.

“It’s a lot better. It’ll be fine once I can actually get back to work.”

But Garrus was shaking his head. “Nope, not what we’re doing. You signed up for shore leave, and we’re taking shore leave. C’mon. You’ll like this.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it,” she muttered, though she did feel better when they emerged back into the bright lights of the Citadel and Garrus immediately shoved the dress into the nearest garbage can. She wasn’t going to have the life she thought she would, but she still had a life, and it started now.

***

He took her to Arnax, which wasn’t surprising but was a relief. She considered voicing a protest, but the thought of a gun in her hand and a battle with no serious consequences felt too good. They spent most of the day there, until Shepard’s stomach growled so loudly she couldn’t ignore it any longer. “Think I gotta tap out,” she sighed, slumping onto the bench. She would have gladly stayed until she dropped from exhaustion. “Time to head back to the ship for some food.”

“It is time for food, but you still aren’t heading back to the ship.” Garrus was already tapping on his omnitool. “Dinner should be waiting by the time we get to your place.”

“Vakarian—“ Shepard started, but he cut her off with a look, leaning down to her so she couldn’t glance away.

“Shepard,” he said firmly. “If you set foot on that ship, you are going to spend your night reading reports. Maybe you will eat a sad little protein bar while you admire your tank full of dead fish.” He moved away from her suddenly, folding his arms. “I’m not saying you haven’t earned a night to mope. But you should mope in your nice fancy Citadel apartment, not the same cabin you spent ninety percent of your life in.”

“I like that cabin,” Shepard muttered. “And not all my fish are dead, I’ll have you know.”

“Sure. Some of ‘em are fake.” He set gentle hands on her shoulders and gave her a nudge away from the bench. “Let’s go, before the food gets cold.”

***

He had ordered her favorites somehow, even though he couldn’t eat any of them. She wanted to appreciate this, but the conversation with Thane just kept coming back to her every moment she had to think. “You didn’t have to do this, you know,” she muttered when they were done eating. “I would’ve been fine.”

“Fine, sure, but I want you to be better than that. You deserve better than that.” She glanced at his face, surprised to find him staring back at her, his expression too serious to mistake. She dropped her eyes first.

“It’s weird when you don’t bullshit me,” she muttered. “Knock it off.”

“I think I’ve earned one serious conversation with you after the shit you’ve put me through,” he said, his tone unchanged. “I was counting on Thane to do his job and look after you. If he’s gonna lose his nerve now, then somebody’s gotta.”

“I have everyone in the galaxy breathing down my neck. I don’t need another one.” The words had no bite, and both of them felt it. She sighed. “I’m not gonna throw myself off the Presidium because I got dumped, Vakarian.”

“But you won’t rest, either, and that won’t help anybody. Call me selfish, but after watching my home planet get destroyed, I want to make sure the rest of us make it out of this. And you’re the only person I want leading the charge.” Now he looked away, mandibles twitching. “You. The real you. Not some shell.”

 “I’ll try,” she said, very quietly.

“You’ll do more than that. You’ll kick ass.” He reached over and patted her leg. “Promise I’ll knock it off after today. I just—I didn’t want you to think you were alone.”

She stared at the scarred side of his face, but his expression became no clearer to her. In the end, she only nodded, unsure what to say.

***

Garrus Vakarian could hit a target the size of a pin at any distance you wanted, but feelings? Count him out. And yet here he was, twice in one day. He’d slipped off once he was sure Shepard was in bed. He wasn’t sure she would sleep, but she did deserve a little privacy.

And he had another target to look for. Not that Thane was hard to track down. There were only a few places he haunted on the Citadel, especially now. At the moment, he was seated at a table near Huerta, nursing a cup of tea he didn’t touch for several minutes. Garrus knew Thane knew he was being watched, but he still didn’t approach for a bit, only took in the sight of him.

The problem with Thane was that Garrus could never be properly jealous of him. He should have been spitting mad—Thane had everything Garrus wanted, and he threw it away. But the other man was simply too miserable.  The melancholy he carried with him had finally started to lift near the end of their suicide mission, but it was back and thicker than ever. He had done something stupid, but it was clear he wasn’t enjoying a second of it.

Finally, Garrus got sick of standing around and went to join him at the table.

“I wondered if I was going to see you today,” Thane said softly, without looking up from his own reflection in the tea. No steam rose from the surface any longer; the contents were untouched.

“Yeah, well, sorry I’m late. I was busy trying to clean up your mess.” Garrus couldn’t even be as bitchy as he wanted. He should have been furious after spending all day with a woman trying to hold together the pieces of her broken heart. But when he looked at Thane, all he saw was a terrible waste. He sat, resting one hand on the table so he could drum his talons on the surface. “You could take it back, you know,” he said after a minute. He had spent most of the day trying to think of a better argument, but he was no diplomat. He didn’t know how to solve problems he couldn’t shoot at—that was Shep’s job. “I know what you think, but she wouldn’t tell you no. She loves you.”

Thane’s hands tightened around his mug at that last, but his expression didn’t change. He could be so distant and hard to read when he wanted. When they first met, Garrus had thought that was all there was to him. After everything they’d been through, he knew that wasn’t true. He’d dared to think Thane might show that openness around someone else, but of course he wouldn’t. He and Shepard were a closed unit, their own little binary star system. Garrus was drawn into their orbit like everyone else, but he could never be a part of it.

“Fine. Didn’t think that would work, but I had to try.” He turned the order kiosk around on the table. “This is all going on your tab, by the way.” He selected Thane’s favorites, plus a stiff drink for himself—he’d stayed sober with Shepard, to make sure he could give her what she needed, but now he deserved something to take the edge off.

Thane’s brow furrowed. “What are you doing?”

“I know for a fact you’ve been sitting here all damn day without eating. Starving yourself to death won’t make up for what you did. And if you’re gonna quit on Shepard, then you better not back out of anything else you said you’d do.” He sent the order off, then leaned back in his chair.

Thane still hadn’t really gotten his color back. He’d barely recovered from the Kepral’s treatment before the Cerberus coup, and though the doctor might have given him the okay to leave, that was probably more because they needed the room than because he was truly recovered.

Thane’s eyes narrowed slightly. Garrus thought he wasn’t going to respond, which was fine with him. He didn’t particularly want to hear Thane’s excuses. Then he said, “I wasn’t starving myself. I simply—didn’t realize how much time had passed.” His eyes met Garrus’s just for a moment. Looking into them felt like falling into the gravity well of a black hole, realizing there was no escape, only oblivion. “I know you came over here to make me regret what I said. That is a pointless effort. Nothing you can say will make me change my mind.” He looked away, freeing Garrus at last. “Nothing you can say will make me regret it any more than I do, either.”

“I know that.” Thane glanced at him in surprise. Garrus dropped his voice so he wouldn’t shout, leaning across the table. “That’s not why I came here. I came here because I make sure Shepard has what she needs. She needs a shoulder to lean on today—but she also needs to know you haven’t gone off and done something stupid. I dunno what you were thinking. If you wanted her not to worry about you, you picked the worst possible way. She needs to know you’re safe more than anything.”

Thane’s lips thinned. Nothing else about him gave his emotions away—he was sitting perfectly still, and anyone besides Garrus wouldn’t know how to read those dark eyes. But he might as well have been shouting. Garrus knew what those little gestures meant. “I never asked you to look after me,” he said in a clipped tone.

“I know. I’m doing it anyway. You better learn to cope.” The food arrived, along with Garrus’s drink. He knocked it back and shoved the plate at Thane. “Eat that and then I’ll leave you alone.”

“For now,” Thane said, not quite a question.

“For now,” Garrus agreed. “I’ll be back. If you don’t want me around, then take back what you said.”

Thane picked up the utensils but didn’t dig into his food. Garrus thought he was going to have to be more annoying. Then Thane said, “You picked the wrong way to threaten me. I don’t mind having you near.”

Garrus’s hand clenched into a fist, the same way it had at the sight of Shepard’s bare back. He looked away. He wished Thane couldn’t read him, but he knew that was a vain hope. The harder he tried to be subtle, the more he turned into an open book. His only saving grace was that Shepard hadn’t noticed yet. “Yeah, well, that’s because you don’t know how annoying I can be. I’ve learned a lot of new tricks from Joker. You’d be surprised.”

Thane did not dignify this with a response, but only because he was eating, so Garrus called the win for himself anyway.

Chapter Text

In the back of his mind, Garrus never expected to make it out of the Reaper war alive. And he wasn’t going to complain about having to figure out what to do with himself now when Shepard was alive too, even though she looked like she’d been put through a meat grinder. There was a lot to manage, maybe, but it kept him from worrying. If Saren hadn’t killed her, then whatever happened when the Catalyst activated wouldn’t do the job either.

He was having trouble sleeping, but that was no surprise. He was basically stuck on board the Normandy at night, once the hospital kicked him out. The last thing they needed was a turian sticking his mandibles into everything. And Shepard was sure to give him hell if she found out he had spent all that time nagging her, only for him to turn around and fail to follow his own advice.

Still, sometimes the silence in his cabin got to be too much. He’d never claimed to be an optimist, but at least during the day, he had things to do. There was too much work to mull over what came next, how they would actually rebuild what had been lost. Then the only solution was taking a walk around the unfamiliar environs of Earth. It didn’t look all that different from Palaven these days, but he tried to fill in the vision with the stories Shepard had told him about it, the vistas he had seen in the vids they watched together.

The second night Shepard lay in the hospital, he noticed someone was following him. He knew who it was almost immediately since only a handful of people would have been able to stay out of sight well enough to hide from him, but he wasn’t worried. Maybe this was good.

Garrus found the remnants of a park where the grass was already starting to grow back, a place with a good view of the stars, and sat down on the bare dirt. His shadow faded out of the darkness, finally revealing himself but not saying anything.

Garrus took advantage of the chance to inspect him. Thane looked much better than he had after the Citadel coup—his color was brighter, and his face had lost some of the haggard edges. But his dark eyes were as haunted as ever.

Garrus patted the empty space of dirt beside him, but Thane shook his head, still keeping his distance. “You sure? There’s plenty of space, and if I know you, you haven’t been sitting much either.”

Thane shook his head again, though Garrus wasn’t sure what he was denying this time. He was standing eerily still, his face unreadable.

Now that he was sitting down, the tiredness Garrus had not felt in his actual bed started to settle on his shoulders. Typical. He suppressed a yawn. “Suit yourself. So did you come to talk or just act more awkward than me at a fancy party?”

Thane did not smile, but his posture softened slightly. “I’m sorry,” he said, just loudly enough to carry over the space between them but not any farther. “It’s just—good to see you alive. I knew you had survived, but it was one thing to hear the report and another to know for myself.”

Garrus nodded. “I understand. Well, here I am.” He spread his hands. “I’m going to take a wild guess and say that’s not all you were interested in, though.”

Thane closed his eyes for a moment.

Garrus, studying his face, decided not to press. At least he knew Shepard would be happy to see him when she woke up. “Is your kid okay?”

“Yes, thankfully. He’s been training with the medical staff since—my surgery. Everyone there was fine, even most of the patients.”

“Good to hear.” Garrus studied him. Earth had only one moon, but it did cast a pleasant light, just enough to line Thane in a soft silver glow that made him look even more otherworldly than usual. “What have you been doing, anyway? We never got a chance to talk about it.”

Shepard had told him not to avoid Thane—well, actually, she’d said he didn’t have near enough friends to throw one away, even if he had dumped her—so he hadn’t, but they never talked shop. Mostly, they spent time in silence, just sharing the same space, providing each other a break from the stresses of the rest of the world.

“I was working as a hospital chaplain. Now, though, every hand must tend the soil, even hands without formal medical training. I assume you have been similarly busy?”

Garrus sighed. “That’s one way to put it. I keep telling myself it’s better business than before since at least I don’t have death counts to keep an eye on, but it’s still not great losing an easy way to reach the rest of the galaxy.”

Thane inclined his head in a stiff nod. Even though he had approached Garrus, not the other way around, he still looked two inches from bolting.

Garrus had never been a guy who shied away from the difficult shot. “So are you going to ask about Shepard or not? I know that’s the real reason you were trailing me. If you’re in the hospital anyway, then you must know she’s still alive.”

Thane somehow went even stiller. Then he sighed, deeply. Now he did come closer, steps soundless on the soil, and sat a foot or so away from Garrus, what would be out of easy reach for anyone who wasn’t seven feet tall. This was a gesture of trust, and Garrus appreciated it. “I was attempting to be less transparent, but I suppose there is no point.”

“You could have come to see her, you know. She’s not conscious, and I’m no snitch. You’ll run out of chances pretty quick. The doctors are planning to try and bring her out of the coma in a couple days, once they’re sure she’s had a good chance to heal.”

Thane’s jaw worked. For a moment, Garrus thought he wouldn’t say anything at all. “It wouldn’t be right, when she isn’t awake to tell me to leave. I know what I have earned.”

“Do you?” Garrus turned to look at him, cocking his head. “Or are you making assumptions because you’re too scared to see if they hold up to the heat of battle? You don’t know what she thinks. You haven’t talked to her. And if you asked me, you’d know she’d say something different.”

Thane inspected him, staring back without blinking. Garrus looked away first—not because he was embarrassed about the comment, but because it was too easy to get lost in those deep, dark eyes. They weren’t the same color as Shepard’s, but they were similar nevertheless. He could drown there, and he’d probably die happy. “Would you tell me, if I asked?”

“I can’t change the past, but I can tell you now. If you actually ask me instead of dancing around the point. I figured you were a better dancer than Shepard, but I’ve been wrong before.”

Thane frowned, but it was the expression of a man looking at a losing hand, not someone who was truly angry. “Fine,” he said in a tone that did not quite manage to be flat. There was always so much going on under the surface of his words. Anyone who wasn’t paying attention might have missed it, but Garrus couldn’t help paying too much attention to him. “I would like to know how Shepard is, according to you. Please.”

Garrus would have liked to crack another joke, but before he could decide what to say, the image of Shepard, motionless and beat to to hell in the hospital bed, stole his breath. Thane stiffened, but Garrus shook his head before he could finish making assumptions. His voice came out rough around the edges. “It’s not that bad. Not that great, either, but she’s still breathing this time. Just—“ He tipped his head back, staring into a sky full of unfamiliar stars. “I never thought we’d get this far. I figured if we did, I wouldn’t have to be the one making the plans. Just the guy following orders.”

“You always were a pessimist.” From someone else, that might have been an insult, but something about the warmth hiding beneath Thane’s voice made Garrus hunch up his shoulders.

“Says the guy who got mad because he didn’t die on schedule,” Garrus muttered.

Thane sighed. “I have had a lot longer to come to terms with the idea of dying than you, Garrus.” Garrus twitched at the use of his name and tried to disguise it, but of course, Thane saw. Thane saw everything. “Living is an entirely different matter. And no, I did not adjust to it well. But I might think you could relate now. The calculus changes.”

“Unfortunately, I suck at math. Why do you think the visor never comes off? I need somebody else to figure out the wind speed for me.”

Thane only looked at him, and Garrus sighed. “Yeah, yeah, okay. You’re not wrong.” He glanced sidelong at Thane. “Though until recently, I didn’t have much to live for. You had more weight on the scales than I ever did.”

Now Thane looked at him directly, his mouth turned down. “Do not discount your father so lightly. You might think he doesn’t care, but I can tell you that’s a lie.” He settled flat on his back in the grass, staring up at the sky. “And until recently, Shepard and I were running toward death together. She might never have thought of it that way, but I did.”

“Yeah, well, you were wrong, and the least you can do is show up so she can tell you so. I know I’m never going to hear the end of it.” Garrus watched him for a moment, then stretched out on his back too. It was a little awkward in his armor, but it did make it easier to stare up at the sky.

Thane said nothing for a long moment, twisting his fingers together. “I do want that,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t, but I do.”

Garrus put his hands behind his head. “You really are the most depressing man on the planet, you know that?” he said, with too much fondness behind the words. “If you need backup, you should know who to ask by now.”

Thane said nothing again, long enough Garrus glanced at him, to find Thane staring, his dark eyes unblinking. “Would you? If I asked?”

Garrus sat up abruptly, a clumsy attempt to hide his blush. “I just said so. Spirits. Don’t make a big deal out of it. I owe you enough.”

“No,” said Thane, sitting up more slowly. He was still watching Garrus, his eyes unreadable. “There are no ledgers kept between comrades.”

Garrus’s blush darkened. He could almost hear Shepard’s dry, sardonic voice in his ears—Comrades? Is that what we’re calling your bigass man-crush now, Vakarian? “Fine. Whatever you want to call it.” He took in a breath, getting the color in his cheeks under control, then turned to look Thane in the eye again. “Doesn’t matter. When she wakes up, you’ll be the first one I call.”

***

Garrus intended to keep his word, though of course things were a little more complicated on the battlefield than they were in the war room. Shepard had to be fussed over by what seemed like every doctor remaining on Earth, which she bore with surprising patience—probably because she was still half-asleep, content to let Garrus answer most of the questions.

Once they were finally left alone, her sitting on the bed and him seated in what had to be the world’s most uncomfortable chair, he took her hand. That made her lips twitch. “I save the galaxy and this is all I get, Vakarian?” She patted the space on the bed beside her.

“I thought you were tired.”

Shepard rolled her eyes. “When will you stop being so goddamned gullible? The easiest way to get rid of weirdos in white coats is acting like I need my beauty rest. Maybe I’m not interested in running a marathon, but I can handle a little attention. Don’t make me ask again.”

Garrus would never argue with that tone of her voice. He settled beside her carefully, contorting himself so he could lean down and kiss her mouth. He slipped one hand into her hair, carefully, and the last horrible piece of himself that had been sure this would never be over finally relaxed. “There you are,” he whispered, leaning back so he could look into her eyes.

“There I am. And you had better not be here to tell me I’ve got a bunch of shit left to clean up. I am officially on vacation from here on out. Sandy beaches and ocean waves and nothing fucking else.”

“Drinks with little umbrellas?” he suggested, since this was a well-trod fantasy.

She looped her arm around his and rested her cheek on his bicep. “You read my mind. I knew there was a reason I kept you around.”

“Well, that and I love you.”

She hummed. “Fishing for compliments. Didn’t even take you five minutes. I love you too, but if you want a more enthusiastic demonstration, that part is going to have to wait. The sleepiness wasn’t totally an act.”

“I’m not fucking you in a hospital,” Garrus hissed.

“We’ve fucked much weirder places. But you’re right. There was a careworker shortage before all this bullshit started. We can’t afford to scare off anyone else.” Shepard yawned.

“You should get some more sleep,” he said, keeping his voice low. “Make up for all the rest you skipped over the last few years.”

“Not quite yet. You have something else on your mind, and it’ll keep me awake if you don’t tell me.”

Sometimes he wished she didn’t know him quite so well. Only sometimes, but still. “It’s not that important.”

Shepard let her eyes drift shut, though he didn’t let himself imagine that ended the conversation. “If you don’t tell me, I’ll finally figure out how to pinch you in this armor. Or maybe I’ll even out the other side of your face.” She was smiling, but she would gladly make good on her threats as best she could.

“Okay, but remember—you asked.” He shifted slightly so he could slip a finger under Shepard’s chin, tilting her face up to his. She cracked one eye. The smile on her face was so peaceful he almost wanted to make something up, but she would know instantly if he lied. “Thane wants to see you.”

Shepard went perfectly still, her whole body suddenly tense like a finger poised on a trigger. Then she blew out a breath and closed her eyes again.

“Shepard?” he said softly.

“I’m not having a stroke, Garrus. I’m thinking.” Her voice was only moderately sharp. She tolerated a lot more concern from him now that he got her off on a regular basis. He still wasn't totally sure how that happened, but he wasn't complaining. It was the only good thing to come out of the last few months. She lifted her head away from his hand, but her eyes were clear and thoughtful. “Well, if that’s what he wants, we can give it a try.” He searched her face, trying not to frown, but she shrugged. There was none of the affected casualness she used to show whenever Thane came up, only calm. “You look skeptical, but after what happened when the Catalyst activated, everything seems a lot less dire. I just don’t care as much as I used to.” Sadness touched her face. “And we lost too many people to quibble over who made it. He’s still your friend, and that means a lot to me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to choose between us—I told you that, and I meant it.”

He didn’t bother asking if she was sure, since that would only get him gutted—she’d figure out a way, even in a hospital room with no obvious weapons. “Okay. But you really should rest now.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She was truly tired, though, since she resettled herself on the bed without another word. Garrus left her to her thoughts, since he had some thinking to do of his own.

***

Shepard had not seen Thane since just after the Cerberus coup attempt. Rationally, she knew not much time had elapsed, but everything before her coma felt like it had happened to another woman, which she was grateful for. It dulled the worst edges of her grief. When she woke up in a world without the Reapers, she hadn’t expected to feel… excitement. But there were so many things she now had the chance to see and do. The world was no longer a narrow list of objectives and a teetering stack of casualty reports. She had a whole life ahead of her, with Garrus and her friends by her side.

In the face of all that, Thane was small potatoes, even if he had been the one she used to picture by her side at the end of all this. But he had given those dreams back to her without even a thank-you.

She didn’t meet him in the hospital. She wanted to be up and around for this part—and also she had a lot of tedious, exhausting bullshit to go through before the doctors would let her go. But she had finally been released to the Normandy, the only home she cared about. Everyone there would nanny her better than a bunch of doctors anyway.

Sitting on the couch in her quarters, she felt legitimately relaxed. This ship might have been the Alliance’s, but it was the one place in the galaxy she would always feel at home. This was her turf, and no one could make her feel small or unwanted here.

Still, when the door opened and Thane stepped through, Shepard sucked in a breath, for a number of reasons. For one thing, he looked good. The last time she saw him, he had been recovering both from the surgery to cure his Kepral’s and the injuries he sustained in the coup. He’d been pale and ragged around the edges, a man holding on to life with the tips of his fingers. Now, though, he could back up that swagger he always possessed. His eyes and his skin were both brighter, and he’d put on a little weight—not enough to make him look anything like her, but enough so he no longer looked like a rib cage with legs.

And… and she’d missed him. It didn’t matter if he’d broken her heart, nor how happy she was with Garrus. Some part of her would always be searching for him. He’d breathed the dead embers in her chest back into flame, and her body would always remember.

She crossed her legs, resting her arms on the back of the couch. “Are you coming in, or are you just going to keep the doorway warm?” she asked, when the silence stretched on long enough.

He blinked, as though he hadn’t realized how long he’d been standing there, but his face remained unreadable. Once, that door had been open to her, and it hurt a little to realize it remained closed. “My apologies,” he said, very quietly. “But you know how the memories take me over at times.” He took a few steps inside, enough to allow Garrus to slip in. He went to stand by the fish tank, apparently seeking neutral ground between the two of them.

Shepard barely noticed, too caught up in wondering just what memories might have captured Thane at the sight of her cabin. They’d done everything for the first time here—not just kisses and coupling, but everything. The kind of intimacy that only came after the sweat dried and they were left alone in bed to talk the night away.

She shook that thought away. It wasn’t fair to anyone in the room. “Well, the good news is that means you recall your way around. Can you drink again, or is that still against doctor’s orders?” Garrus shot her a look, which she returned coolly. “I didn’t say I wanted one. Just trying to be hospitable. This is awkward enough.”

One of Thane’s hands clenched into a fist, his only outside show of emotion. She wasn’t fooled. She couldn’t tell what was going on behind those blank black eyes, maybe, but she knew him well enough to realize that he only turned into a statue when he was wrestling with something big. The only question was what.

Shepard drummed her fingers on her knees. “Look,” she said, trying to soften her tone. “I can tell you’re stuck on something, so let’s skip past it, all right? Yes, I know you’re sorry. I accept your apology, or I wouldn’t have asked you over here. Yes, I’m fine, and you’re apparently fine, and I assume Kolyat’s fine or you wouldn’t be wasting time with the likes of me.” Thane still didn’t move, so she cocked her head. “Not one of those, huh? Then I’m out of ideas. Not like we can trade space baseball scores or anything.”

Slowly, Thane’s hand relaxed. “This is just… even stranger than I thought it would be.”

“Oh, I see.” Shepard smiled. It had sharp edges, and she would not apologize for those, even if they were a little mean. “You’re upset because you lost the bet.” Thane’s eyes narrowed, and Shepard spread her hand. “C’mon, you have an eidetic memory, and you’re gonna say you don’t remember? Can’t cop out just because you lost, Krios.” His brow furrowed, as if he were really trying to remember. “I guess it has been a wild few weeks, and that might shake a few things out of place. Come sit down and I’ll clue you in.” She pointed at the other couch facing hers, trying not to remember how once they would have sat together, so close it was hard to tell where she ended and he began.

She thought he would balk, and then maybe she would turn actually mean—she could only push herself so far. But then he nodded and closed the distance between them, perching on the couch as if he expected to be kicked out at any time. “I think I would like that drink, though.”

“Garrus, make yourself useful.” She said it mostly because she expected him to squawk, but to her surprise, he went over to the little kitchen and dug through the cabinets.

“Shepard doesn’t actually have any booze,” he said, digging around for some reason she couldn’t guess. Then he produced a bag and shook it. Shepard stiffened, feeling Thane’s eyes on her like a weight. “But she does have some of that nasty tea you like. And seaweed chips.”

“Those are for Liara,” Shepard said, a little more sharply than she would have liked.

Garrus only shook the bag of tea, waiting. Sometimes he could be such a little bitch. Always had to test the length of the leash. Unfortunately, that was what she liked best about him.

“I would appreciate tea,” said Thane at last, and Garrus nodded. Both of them watched him put the cup together instead of saying anything. Thane’s tea required a fussy preparation process, which Shepard had once known by heart. (Still knew, because Thane wasn’t the only one who couldn’t forget anything.) Where Garrus had learned it, she wasn’t going to ask.

When he finished, he set the mug in front of Thane, then settled on the opposite end of Shepard’s couch. She swung her legs up and rested her feet on his thigh, since he was wearing casual clothing and not his armor for once.

Thane took a long sip of the tea, looking at Garrus over the rim. Garrus kept his eyes turned away. Shepard told herself not to read anything into this, though she was intrigued. “All right,” he said, meeting Shepard’s eyes for a fleeting instant. “I believe now I am fortified to handle your—what would you call it? Your bullshit.”

That made her lips twitch, despite her touchy mood. “Aw, look at you, finally picking up some human lingo after all this time.” She folded her arms, fixing him with her gaze until he met her eyes again. “Anyway. The bet you lost. You thought there was no way we’d make it out of this. And yet.” She waved her hand around, encompassing not merely the Normandy and her surviving crew, but everyone on Earth and the rest of the galaxy. “Here we are. I was right, and you were wrong, which means you owe me a forfeit.”

Thane’s lips thinned. “We did have that discussion, many times. And I am deeply grateful I came out on the wrong end. But I do not believe we ever explicitly agreed to terms. We tabled it, because the alternative was arguing to a draw.”

Or resolving their arguments in more entertaining ways. Shepard put that thought away. “You should know by now that everything’s a bet with me. Isn’t that right, Garrus?”

“That is how I officially asked you to date me,” Garrus pointed out. “I didn’t think you would listen if I didn’t include a scoreboard.” He stilled, glancing at Thane, who offered him a smile, though it was brittle around the edges.

“Garrus, it would be near impossible for us to have a conversation dancing around your relationship.”

Garrus sighed. “Yeah, well, I’m awkward enough as it is. None of the turian manners my mother taught me covered this particular situation.”

“That’s because turians are boring, or else you would be dating some nice turian girl,” Shepard pointed out. “Anyway, we’re getting away from the heart of the matter. There was a bet. Thane lost. He owes me. And since we never talked terms, I get to say what.”

Thane met her eyes, his lips lifting at one corner. For a moment, a spark shone there, a spark she still felt an answer to somewhere too deep inside her to deny. Then he turned his face away. “I find myself with far more life than I expected to have, and I would prefer not to spend it arguing with you over trivialities. Have you chosen a forfeit?”

Shepard shrugged. “Maybe I want to see you sit and spin for a while, Krios. When I call in what you owe me, you’ll know.”

That should have been the end of the matter for the evening—maybe permanently. It was too easy to fall back into flirting with him, the guarded dance that had brought them so close to each other. She wasn’t stupid; she should have been able to resist. She needed to let this go.

But of course it came up sooner than she expected, like a mine they had set in the middle of the floor and then forgotten. It was easy enough to move on to other topics—Kolyat, the survivors of the SR-2. By that point, Shepard had slumped against Garrus, his arm heavy over her shoulders. He didn’t contribute much to the conversation but quips, but he didn’t seem unhappy, and this whole thing had been his idea to start with, so she was not about to poke a bruise.

Then Thane asked her what should have been a simple question. “To be entirely honest,” he said, hiding his expression behind his second cup of tea, “I didn’t think there would be any space in your schedule for me. I have work enough, and I was never anyone important.”

Garrus’s arm tightened around her. “It’s not that they haven’t tried,” he said, with a possessive edge to his voice that made her lips twitch. “But I’ve learned a lot of fun ways to say ‘go fuck yourself’ over the last few years.”

Thane tilted his head a little, a silent question she could still read easily. “If I wanted him to stop, I would have said so.” She traced her thumb over Garrus’s knee absently. Every time this question came up, she made herself think about it again. And every time the image that came to her was the same: Anderson’s body slumped beside her, a short walk ahead that felt like a marathon, a series of questions that would remake the world. “There’s no joy left in it. I used to come away from a fight feeling good, even if we got our asses kicked. But what happened up there—I think it all burned out of me.” She closed her eyes for a moment. “There’s always something else left to do. And I am tired of being the one doing it. At least for now. I think I’ve earned a fucking vacation at least.”

Garrus rubbed her arm, and she patted her knee, though she could only manage a tepid smile. “Figure a few weeks somewhere hot and sunny, where my only thought is refilling my drink, ought to reset my internal clock. Then I can take a look inside again and see if the answer is still fuck no. If not, there’ll still be plenty of places for me to slot in.”

Thane looked away again, one arm stretched out on the back of the couch. “You told me there were deserts here,” he said softly, after a long moment of silence. “Real deserts. I thought maybe I would finally have time to see them, once things have quieted down. I have nowhere else pressing to be at the moment, and Kolyat will remember he doesn’t always want his father around eventually.”

Shepard shifted her weight. That conversation had been a little dream spun between them before they reached the Collector Base, something she assumed he’d forgotten all about. It hadn’t been real, after all. The future had been too uncertain. “Well, I can’t make you any promises now that the earth’s been thrown into a meat grinder for the last while. But there’s plenty of deserts, so somewhere’s gotta still be nice.”

“Restoration efforts are going pretty well, too,” Garrus said, in a tone she couldn’t quite parse. She glanced up at him, but his eyes were on Thane, flinty and distant. “The Reapers were hard on cities, but they left most of the biomes alone. I guess plants were lower on the priority lists.”

Thane came back from wherever he was, turning to face them again. “That’s good to know. I would like to see more of Earth, at some point.”

The topic was skating too close to awkward territory again. Shepard found some way to change the subject, but she hardly remembered what she said. What stuck with her was the look on Thane’s face as he pictured a desert both of them thought he would never see.

***

Thane excused himself not long after that. Once he was out the door, Shepard groaned, falling onto her back on the couch and covering her face with her hands. “That was excruciating.”

“It really wasn’t that bad,” said Garrus, standing to gather up the cups.

Shepard snagged the hem of his shirt before he could move away. Her other hand was still over her face, but she parted her fingers so he could see her eyes, narrowed in concentration. “You were ready to bolt the whole time,” she said, but not with her usual certainty.

Garrus set the cups back on the table, then knelt beside the couch. He nudged her hand away so he could cup the curve of her cheek. “Because I was worried about you. Besides. You know I get twitchy without something to do with my hands.” His fingers trailed down her neck, slipping beneath the collar of her shirt to find the top of her breast.

Her lips twitched, though her eyes remained suspicious. “Not yet, Vakarian. We need to be clear about this. I told you neither of us have enough friends to cut anyone out, and I mean that.” She bumped his hand away so she could sit up, resting one hand on his keelbone. “And you said yes, but that yes can always change, you know that, right? If you’re jealous. Or even just feeling weird about it.”

He’s never been the best at getting out of emotional conversations unscathed, but this at least he might know how to navigate. “I’m not weird about it, and I’m not jealous, either. Shepard, I was in love with you for years, and still, when I saw what the two of you had—“ As always, he never had the words for it. He put his hand over hers. “I thought I was lucky to even see a love like that from a distance. And you still came to me after he left. That means more than you’ll ever know.”

She finally smiled, though it was lopsided. He hadn’t missed that old ache in her eyes, though it was nowhere near as bright as it had been when Thane first left. “As I remember it, it was more like you came to me and wouldn’t leave.” She tugged on his shirt, prompting him for a kiss. He gave it to her. When she released him, she held his eyes. “But that means more to me than I can say, too. I love you, Garrus. I don’t want you to think second place means second best.”

Garrus squinted at her, trying to figure out if this was one of those weird human phrases the translator couldn’t accurately convey. But he thought he understood it. “Shepard, I am terrible at feelings, and even I know that’s not how they work. You never settle for anything. If you wanted to be alone, you would be. You chose me, and I know how much that means.” He kissed her fingertips, then added, more quietly, “I might be afraid I’m not worthy of it, but I could never doubt it. You aren’t like that.”

She pinched him—it didn’t really hurt his thick skin, but he understood the point of the gesture anyway. “I guess that’s—fine—then. As long as you really weren’t feeling weird about it.” She scowled, slumping against the couch.

Garrus knew better than to ask why immediately, since he liked his head on his shoulders and not bitten off. So now he grabbed the cups and put them in the sink, then returned to stand behind the couch. He nudged her head forward so he could massage her shoulders. Her skin was soft and lush beneath his palms, but her muscles were tense.

She sighed, slowly massaging under his touch. He could have leaned forward to kiss the back of her neck and let the conversation end, but he knew it wasn’t really over. She needed to talk about this, even if he was still a little confused about why. “Does that mean you’re feeling weird about it?” he said in a soft voice, trying to slip it in under his touch.

She stiffened, almost undoing all his work, then relaxed again, leaning back against his hands. “Yeah,” she muttered. “I shouldn’t be able to stand the sight of him after the way he left me. I shouldn’t want a thing to do with him. But I—“

“You missed him.”

“More than that. He’s still so…” She trailed off, sighing.

“You still think he’s hot. You realize that’s natural, right?” Shepard craned around to glare at him. Garrus did not stop massaging her shoulders, refusing to let her undo all his work. “Shepard, you and Thane were not nearly as discreet as you seemed to think. Everyone was aware of exactly how good your chemistry was, and we all learned to look the other way.” (Well, Garrus had actually looked sometimes, if only because he had known so little about how humans and human sex worked. It had led to some very interesting evenings alone in his bunk with the extranet and a spare hand. But he wasn’t going to tell Shepard that—she’d never let him forget it.)

Shepard actually blushed, which had happened maybe all of five times since he’d known her. “You are the last person I should be discussing this with.”

That pulled him up short, teetering on the edge of being offended. “Why? I’m your boyfriend. You can tell me anything.”

Now she glared at him, though her blush only deepened, darkening the back of her neck and creeping to the top of her chest. It wasn’t a bad look for her. He wondered if he could make it worse—later, when they had safely navigated this fraught conversation. “What, you really want to know his voice still turns me on?”

Now his hands stilled, though only because of the rush of blood to his groin. His cock shifted behind his genital plates. “Yes,” he said, a little hoarsely. “Because I’m the one who gets to take advantage of that.” He paused, thinking past the surge of lust. “And also because that just means you have ears. His voice is sexy, and he always talks to you like he’s one inch from taking your clothes off.”

Shepard’s eyes narrowed again, and she searched his face. Then she turned around, standing on her knees on the couch, the better to inspect him. “Garrus Vakarian,” she said slowly, “I know I've teased you about this before, but now I'm dead serious. Is there something you need to tell me about you and Thane?”

Garrus blinked. He wasn’t sure if this question was hard because it was actually dangerous or because he was just getting too hard to think straight. He adjusted his stance to give himself a little more room. Shepard’s eyes flicked down to his crotch, and a smirk flicked over her face, though it vanished as quickly as it came. “No, because I thought you knew that already. You knew I was in love with you. I figured you noticed I—“

Actually saying it out loud was a little harder than he thought. Luckily, Shepard took over. She reached for his hips, pulling him closer. “What, that you admired more about Thane than just his weaponry?”

Humans always knew how to make that sound so dirty. He couldn’t help the little groan that slipped between his lips. “Don’t really see how that’s relevant right now, sweetheart.”

Her smirk fell away for a moment, leaving behind a vulnerability that made him lean in to hold her as best he could with the couch in the way. “It’s not,” she said into his chest. “But it does change the equation of the three of us hanging around together if I’m not the only one trying not to look at his ass.”

His arms tightened around her. He tried not to remember the fleeting glimpses he’d gotten of them together—a door left open in the Normandy, just enough to reveal her pushed up against a wall, Thane buried inside her. An alley in the Wards, her clever human mouth wrapped around Thane’s cock. “Well, now you know,” he said in a slightly strained voice. “Everything out on the table.” He moved back so he could see her face, trying to put the ache in his lower body aside. “I don’t think anything about this is weird. I want this to be happening. Are you satisfied yet?”

Now she grinned, sliding her hands under his shirt to find his sensitive waist. “Well. With the conversation. With everything else…”

Garrus was kissing her before she could finish the sentence.

***

Shepard really did think she was done with the big galaxy-changing bullshit. She wasn’t sure what came next, but the Alliance could go fuck itself.

All the same, she was a schemer. She would always see all the angles to a situation. And this one… this made for much more interesting scenarios than usual. Thane came over again and again, and each time, she turned her thoughts over, and they remained the same. Two plus two made more than three. But she had to bide her time and figure out the perfect time to strike. Blowing her load too soon would only end in disaster, and she knew the moment would come. It always did.

Besides, she really did need some time to get over the end of the world. She didn’t want to try this in anything less than her best shape. And it gave the three of them time to figure out how to relate to each other, returning to the easy peace they had maintained on the SR-2, if at a slightly different angle.

The right moment finally came after a poker game. They weren’t as good as the ones on the ship, since most of the people who participated on the Normandy were busy managing their own affairs halfway across the galaxy. But Shepard didn’t have much to do now except shoot the shit and make friends, so she’d recruited some new people to fleece. By midnight, they’d all cried off. Garrus was slumped beside her, one hand resting on her thigh, tipsy and half-asleep. “They’ll never play with you again, you realize,” he pointed out. “You’re too good at this game.”

“You expect me to apologize? Not my fault if they went swimming with sharks and decided they didn’t like the water.” She considered her winnings. “Well, if money was worth anything these days, I’d have one hell of a vacation fund.”

Thane was across the table from her, his cheek resting in his hand. Every time she thought she had gotten used to the glint in his black eyes, she remembered again—no, she really hadn’t. Garrus was right. It never mattered how many layers she had on; Thane made her feel naked. “Are you finally taking a trip then?”

Shepard stilled for one instant, feeling a click inside her like loading a fresh round into the chamber of her favorite rifle. Then she relaxed again, putting aside the question of whether Thane saw that flash of insight. She nudged Garrus, who cracked one eye. “I’m not the one with the packed schedule. What do you say, Vakarian? It’s been weeks. I think somebody else can take over for a while.”

He huffed out a breath. “Don’t ask me these questions while I’m drunk, Shepard,” he mumbled. “You know I hate this crap. I’d love to fuck off and leave it.”

“So let’s do it. The galaxy isn’t getting rebuilt in a day. You’ve put out all the fires. You can play hooky for a while.”

Garrus frowned, as he usually did when she used a phrase he didn’t understand. Apparently, he decided this one wasn’t worth his time. “Is that what you want? I’ll make it happen if it is.”

Despite her slightly underhanded reasoning, the edges of her smirk softened, and she rested her hand on top of his. Garrus would always give her whatever she wanted. It was one of his best qualities. “Yeah? Then I’m asking. Time for that trip to the desert. Winter’s moving in up here anyway. You’re gonna get pissy once it snows.”

Garrus grumbled under his breath.

Now for the next step. Her eyes slid back to Thane’s. “But I don’t want you doing a bunch of extra work when we are supposed to be relaxing, either. I’m calling in my favor, Thane. You get to come play valet.”

He blinked once, which was more of a reaction than she expected. She had really rattled him. “I don’t believe I want to intrude on what the two of you are doing,” he said, his voice a little stiff. “Doesn’t this count as what humans call a honeymoon?”

That made Shepard throw her head back and laugh. “Do you see a ring on this finger, Krios?” She waved her hand. “That part comes first, and I am not looking forward to the paperwork.”

Garrus cracked an eye. “We could elope.”

“How do you know that word and not playing hooky?” She shook her head, though she was still smiling. “And the answer is no. If you wanna get hitched, Vakarian, you have to ask me right, and it has to wait until everyone can be here. I’m not getting married over holo-call.”

“You’re picky about the weirdest things.”

Shepard waved that away, glancing back at Thane. “Anyway. There’s your answer. Not a honeymoon. And I plan to spend most of it working on my tan. Garrus, though, cannot sit still for that long. He’ll need someone to entertain him while I am baking myself like a potato.” She put a slight stress on the word entertain, just enough.

Thane’s eyes flicked to Garrus, but he seemed to be actually falling asleep now.

“Anyway, this isn’t a negotiation. You lost the bet, which means I get to choose the forfeit, and this is what I choose.”

Thane considered this, his eyes unreadable as the black expanse between the stars. Then he leaned back in his seat. “I suppose I cannot argue with that logic. And Kolyat is coming to the stage I predicted, where he remembers he doesn’t always want his father around.” His expression softened slightly. Sometimes he could be so self-contained, an ocean in a glass ball with no cracks to let someone else in. Sometimes, though, he could be so vulnerable it made her shiver. Like now. No one else would recognize the way his expression had changed, but she knew. “I’ll come.”

Shepard nodded, feeling the same deep satisfaction she did whenever she made that perfect, impossible shot, but she didn’t gloat at her victory. This was only the beginning, after all.

Chapter Text

In the end, getting away wasn’t complicated. Garrus had built up a good network of people he could rely on, and everyone seemed to make the same assumption as Thane. He wished it were as simple as the matter of a proposal—which, in the Hierarchy, required six forms filled out in triplicate, plus a blood test, even if you couldn’t reproduce.

No, he had a pretty good guess where this was going, and it scared him a little. At least if he asked Shepard to marry him, he knew she would say yes. They’d discussed as much in vague terms, though that had been before the end of the war and the chance of a real life together.

Thane, though. There was no telling what was going on behind those dark eyes. Shepard, at least, he had learned to read, every little tic and tell. But Thane was an undiscovered country.

That idea should not have made him so horny.

He didn’t discuss it with Shepard in direct terms because they didn’t need to. He only needed clarification on one issue. “You’re taking point on this, aren’t you?”

She paused, glancing at him from the other end of the bed, then curled a finger up under his jaw, where he was most sensitive. “Why? You wanna take over?” Her voice curled with amusement, even as she settled her palm flat on his throat and pressed down a little where no scales protected him. “Thought that wasn’t your thing, Garrus.”

His pulse picked up. “It’s not,” he managed, getting the words out past the thrum of his arousal. “I like you in charge.”

Her grin widened a little, revealing a flash of teeth. Hers weren’t sharp like his, and yet they still seemed so deliciously dangerous at moments like this. “Well. If I need you take a shot, I’ll let you know. Otherwise, I’m running point.”

He was still nodding as she leaned down to kiss him, hard.

***

Several flavors of bullshit occurred between the moment Shepard proposed the idea and the moment she stepped out of the shuttle and turned her face up to the desert sun, but they did not directly involve her, so she was not going to dwell on them. For now, land stretched out around them, flat and dusty and seemingly endless. Out here, you could almost pretend the Reapers never touched Earth. It was a nice change from the slowly recuperating city.

Garrus emerged after her and stopped short, shoulders slumping. “We’re never leaving,” he declared. “It’s way too fucking cold where we were. If the Hierarchy wants me, they can hunt me down.”

Shepard turned her head back to smirk at him. “You’re blocking traffic, big guy.”

Garrus quickly moved out of the way. She hadn’t seen him this nervous since she had been trying to make her own feelings clear, around the time they had that big party at her Citadel apartment. He had jumped every time she so much as brushed up against him. Well. This was going to be fun after all.

Thane didn’t say anything when the sun hit his skin, but his shoulders relaxed. “I don’t think I could ever go back to Cnidaria City after this,” he said softly. “It’s cold there too.”

“Well, you two can stand there as long as you want. I need sunblock, or I will not enjoy the rest of this trip.” She held out a hand, and Garrus put her main pack into it. Strange to carry something much lighter than her usual loadout, but she wasn’t going to complain. It’d be nice to camp somewhere without having to worry about anyone shooting them, either. She kicked off her shoes—she’d foregone socks—and sank her bare feet into the sand. The top layer was so hot it stung, but beneath that, it transformed into pleasant warmth.

Huh. She’d been cold too, and she hadn’t even noticed. She dug around in her bag. She knew exactly where her sunblock was, but she was waiting. Thane and Garrus were already starting on the sunshade—they might never have been on a human desert, but all the various weird planets they had visited had given them plenty of experience. She found her sunblock, then put two fingers to her lips and whistled. “Got a moment to help me with the hard to reach spots, Garrus?”

She waited until both men glanced at her to pull off her long jacket. It had been needed up north, but she was already sweating down here. Underneath, she was only wearing a strappy sundress (and it really was only, though she wasn’t sure if that part would come up today). The bright fabric barely covered her chest and dipped low in the back, and the hem stopped just above her knees. She felt Thane’s eyes the way she always did, but she pretended not to notice, instead grinning at Garrus, who straight-up dropped the part he was holding.

She winked at him and jerked her head for him to come over. He came at a fast walk that was not quite a run, and she turned to let him apply the sunblock to her back and shoulders. His hands dug into her muscles, and she sighed, letting him take her weight for a moment. “Can we skip to the part where I get this off you?” he whispered near her ear.

“Your patience will be rewarded,” she said, turning her head slightly so she could see Thane from the corner of her eye. He was not even pretending to work on the sunshade; he was watching them. “And if not, I’ll make it up to you on a different vacation.”

He kissed the top of her head, then turned her around, applying sunblock to her front half. She let him, even though she could reach it fine. “There. Now maybe you’ll still look like a human at the end of this and not a boiled salarian.”

“Watch it, Vakarian. I thought you just said you wanted to get laid.”

***

Garrus and Thane finished setting up the sunshade, but neither of them used it, even though the sun was reaching its highest point in the sky and the temperature was creeping above 100. Shepard remained in the shadow for the worst of it, apparently happy to read and ignore them.

Thane, for his part, was lying on his stomach. His shirt had been abandoned long ago, and Garrus kept sneaking peeks at his bare back, green lined with dark red stripes. Somehow, he fit perfectly into the landscape, even though his kind had never been made to see it.

Normally, Garrus would not have been able to stand this kind of silence. There was a reason he kept his schedule so full, why he always had one more thing to fix. Quiet only let his thoughts creep in. But the heat was too nice for even him to work himself up. He could have very happily remained baking in the sand forever.

At some point, Thane rolled on his side to face him, his dark eyes considering. “I think this is the longest time I have ever seen you quiet without actually being unconscious.”

Garrus’s first instinct was to glance away, but that was the opposite of the point here. Instead, he let himself look. Thane, unlike Shepard, was all lean muscle, with no soft places. On him, the look worked. It worked really well.

He leaned back, burying his hands in the hot sand. “Palaven is a little like this. Or it used to be, anyway.”  Thinking about his home should have made him tense up, but it was hard to feel upset about anything out here. “I figure by the time I can actually get there again, it’ll be more like the place I remember. They’re doing pretty good here on Earth, and we have closer resources near Palaven. My dad keeps trying to tell me about it, but I said to stuff it. I want to see it for myself.”

Thane nodded, resting his cheek on his arm. His eyes were half-lidded, but not like he was tired. More like a predator conserving his energy.

That probably made Garrus the prey in this metaphor, and he should not have been into that. Time to change the subject, at least for now. “I guess assassins probably don’t get vacations either, huh?”

“Not really, no. I spent a lot of time drifting between assignments, but at the end of the day, I am a tool, and I do not do well being left idle.” He let out a slow breath, then rolled on his back, one hand lingering beneath his rib cage. Garrus had gotten very fond of human breasts, but Thane’s pectoral muscles, green and gleaming in the unrelenting sun, were almost as good. “I am trying to remedy that, though. It’s simply… hard to remember. That I do not have to ration out my days and my energy so carefully. This setting is making it easier, though.”

“It is pretty nice. I would’ve liked to see it before the war, but at least there’s still something here to see.”

Thane nodded again, his eyes turning distance. “There is always a chance to rebuild. I am trying to remember that.”

Garrus glanced toward Shepard, but of course she couldn’t hear them. She had downloaded a bunch of human novels, which she had described as “delicious trash,” and seemed determined to pay attention to nothing else.

Well, they were a team. He needed to pull his weight when she was otherwise engaged. “That’s true of more than just planets, you know,” he said, lowering his voice. He stretched out on his side, facing Thane. “As long as you’re still alive, nothing is ever beyond repair.”

Thane’s eyes narrowed slightly, and Garrus thought he might have pushed it too far with even that light implication. Then he sat up, arching his arms over his head. “You may try to cover it with foolishness whenever you can, but you are wise, Garrus. Wiser than me, I think.” Before Garrus could figure out how to respond, Thane pulled his shirt back over his head. “I am going to take a walk. I won’t be long.”

Garrus dipped his head. “Don’t go too far,” he mumbled, still a little stunned by the comment. Thane was already striding off.

***

When Thane came back, Garrus was asleep, one arm draped over his eyes and a snore rattling through his chest. Shepard thought it was cute, at least when they weren’t sharing a bed. Thane approached the edge of the sunshade. The sun was starting to creep toward the opposite end of the horizon, so she was contemplating emerging, though it was the perfect temperature in the shade.

When she noticed him, she held up her hand, making him wait until she finished her chapter. Then she set her datapad down, raising one brow. She had cocooned herself in a pile of pillows and towels, drinks and snacks close to hand. “Gonna make yourself comfortable, or are you still baking?”

He took a tailor’s seat at the edge of the sunshade, with the sun still beating on his back. He was watching her more directly than usual—these days, he only met her eyes for fleeting moments, like she was the sun, too bright to look at. She stared back at him evenly. The hem of her sundress had crept up the expanse of her thigh, exposing soft, freckled skin, and one strap had slid off her shoulder. She did not adjust either, only waited.

He rested his hands on his knees. “May I speak with you?”

She considered pointing out that he already was, but that was pushing it. She sat up, adjusting her strap but leaving most of her legs exposed. His eyes were only on her face anyway, still and unblinking.

It was the first time they had a chance to speak alone since that day. It still hurt. It would probably always hurt. But, looking at him now, gleaming in the sun and almost too bright to look at himself, she only felt an odd sort of relief. The part of her that was always searching for him could be quiet now. He was right there, and Garrus was still snoring enough to shake down the heavens. She had nothing to worry about.

“Shoot,” she said, tilting her head a little.

His eyes flicked to the line of her neck, and one of her hands tightened in the towel. He didn’t need to imagine her naked at the moment. She nearly was already. His eyes returned to her face. “When first we spoke again, you cut me off before I could apologize. Since then, I have never found a good time to give it to you.”

She frowned—she couldn’t help it. It would never feel good to discuss this, like pressing on an old scar. “Thane—“

He held up a hand now, and she quieted. “Please,” he said more quietly. “At the time, I realized the words I had prepared were inadequate. It’s taken me this long to figure out what I should have said. Will you listen now?”

He wasn’t touching her—had not touched her once, not since that last day. But the weight of his gaze felt more intimate than any time their bodies had joined. In the face of that, she couldn’t speak, only nodded.

“You have always been able to see the things I could not,” he said, still softly, like the sigh of the wind over the sand. “Even when your life was in ruins, when everything had been taken from you, you saw a better world. And because you never let go of that vision, we are here now. When you spoke of it, I could almost see it, but I was afraid. I covered my eyes because I could not dare to see it for myself. I claimed to be a tool in your hand, but I flinched when you reached for me. For that I will never be sorry enough, and I can only be glad that I will have the rest of my life to atone. That you have given me that chance.”

She watched him for a long moment, not to make him squirm but because she had to think. Finally, she moved toward him. His breath turned shallow as she approached, but he didn’t pull away, letting her rest her hand on his knee, just for a moment. “You were an asshole. No denying that. But we have a whole lot more ahead of us than we do behind, and that’s what I want to focus on. Fair?”

“Fair,” said Thane in a hoarse voice.

She lingered there for a moment, letting herself get used to being near him again. Then she moved back to her pile of pillows. “I do appreciate the apology,” she said, before she picked her datapad back up.

Thane nodded, a little shakily. “And I appreciate you bringing me here. This has been… a gift.”

At that, she smirked. “Well, we’re not done yet. You can tell me what you think when it’s over.”

Thane held her eyes for a moment, then got to his feet. “My opinion will not change, Shepard. I am still a tool in your hand.”

“Are you now,” said Shepard, deliberately returning her eyes to her book.

“Yes, and you can believe I will not flinch this time.”

She bit her lip. Despite the heat, his voice still sparked a shiver down her spine. “Fair enough. Now shoo. I’m reading.” Though she tried to keep her voice light, he looked at her for a moment longer, letting her know he had sensed the truth. Only then did he walk off again.

***

Once the sun started to set, they made a fire and cooked dinner. Shepard gazed up at the darkening sky, her face unreadable. “I know it was hot, but it’ll get cold faster than you boys think,” she said in a soft voice. “Still. I kinda want to sleep outside. The stars will be endless tonight.”

The words tugged at something deep in Garrus. He glanced at Thane, but he was watching Shepard, his expression thoughtful. “It can’t be as cold as where we were,” Garrus said, trying not to sound too eager. “And we can always go inside if it gets too bad.”

“I want to see the stars,” said Thane, which settled the matter.

They had a tent, so Garrus and Thane set that up while Shepard continued lounging like some living pinup, only out in the open instead of under the sunshade. Garrus tried not to think about how the tent would be a close fit for three people, especially when one of them was seven feet tall. Maybe… that wouldn’t be a real problem.

When the tent was set up, they spread their sleeping bags out in the sand, Garrus and Shepard beside each other and Thane on the opposite side of the fire. Shepard hadn’t changed clothes, only pulled a blanket over her bare legs, which was a serious shame. Garrus was in his sleeping clothes, just a pair of loose leggings to cover anything private, and Thane was wearing loose pants and a flowing, low-necked shirt that bared most of his chest. None of them spoke for a long while, only watched the sky blacken. The moon was full, so the desert seemed almost as bright as day, not to mention the bright arc of the arms of the galaxy above them.

“We did some N7 training out in this neck of the woods,” Shepard commented. (Garrus ignored the fact that they were very far from any woods. She was going somewhere with this; he could hear it in the tone of her voice, and it made his body perk up.) “I never thought I’d see this view again.”

Thane turned onto his side to watch them. He looked as good in the firelight as he had in the sun; the orange glow of the fire warmed his dark eyes, making them welcoming instead of mysterious. “You knew you would.”

Shepard shook her head. “I didn’t. You two are always talking about how I knew we would get out of this mess, and I did—but maybe not for myself.” She broke off. Garrus reached for her hand, but she sat up, not avoiding his touch, just lost in her own thoughts. “I knew the world would make it. I knew we’d grind the Reapers into dust. But I never saw a galaxy where I got to decide my own fight. I knew there’d be more work to do, and I thought I’d be the one to do it. Only now I’m here, and I realize—fuck that. I don’t want to spend the rest of my days clinging to the edge of existence by my fingertips. I want a life with room for time like this in it. A life full of beauty, where I’m not always running after someone else’s mess with a mop and bucket. And that life starts tonight.”

Silence settled over them for a moment, as heavy and deep as the dark sky above. Then Thane said, in a voice that was low and heavy with promise, a promise even Garrus couldn’t miss, “And how will that life begin, siha?”

Shepard stiffened for a moment; Garrus knew it was the first time Thane had called her that since the breakup. Then she relaxed, went languid and loose all over in a way that sent heat rushing to Garrus’s cock—not even because it was particularly revealing or sexual. But she only looked that way beside him in bed, when he’d fucked her so well the rest of the world disappeared. She met Garrus’s eyes, not quite asking for permission but merely confirming the mission parameters. He couldn’t move to nod, but he didn’t need to. She always knew what he wanted before he knew it himself.

She returned her gaze to Thane, saying nothing. This time the quiet was still heavy, but with anticipation. Garrus felt it thrumming all through him like the beat of his heart, watching the two of them with complete focus.

Thane never did anything but in his own time. He remained on the other side of the fire for at least a minute, his face turned to the stars. Then he rose and walked around to Shepard’s sleeping bag. He knelt by her hip, between her and the fire, and reached for her face with a shaking hand. She let him cup her cheek, her lips curling in a satisfied, private smile. “Please,” he said in a low voice. “I love you. I have always loved you. I will always love you, until the gods themselves are nothing but ashes. Let me atone.”

Shepard sat up now, letting the blanket fall around her hips. She leaned in to kiss him—only the lightest brush of lips, but both of them shuddered.

Garrus shuddered too. His body remembered what came next, and his brain was quick to supply the little snatches of memory he’d been trying to suppress this whole time. He didn’t want to risk breaking this moment they shared with his own desire.

Shepard slid her lips over to Thane’s cheek, the bright red line of his frill. He let out a soft sigh that only made the ache between Garrus’s legs worse. Shepard herself was flushed slightly, in the way that meant she was opening up, that her pussy would be soft and wet and ready for his touch. “I want to say you have nothing to atone for, but I am curious about the method you’d like to use.”

Thane’s lips curled with pleasure and unmistakable relief. Behind the horniness, Garrus felt something similar—this rift between them never should have lasted so long. It was good that it was over. “It would take far too long to list the ways, siha. Besides. I am well aware you already have thoughts on how the evening should go.”

Shepard chuckled. The sound was deep and sexy and made Garrus bite back a groan. As though she sensed his thoughts, she glanced his way, and her smile became a smirk. “Hmm. Well, you said you were a tool in my hand, didn’t you, Thane?” He nodded, his whole body poised, waiting for her to tell him what to do next.

Garrus had never seen how that looked from the outside. He was trying to focus on the present moment, but the thought of what she might do with power like that made his hands clench at his side with the ache to touch and be touched.

“Yes,” said Thane softly, barely more than a breath.

“Good. Then kiss me like you mean it this time.”

Before the words were even totally out of her mouth, Thane was already moving to her. He seized her shoulders, crushing her to him, and took her mouth like he was going to devour her whole. Their mouths slotted together so naturally, their bodies melding into each other. Shepard shivered all over, arching up to meet him. A muffled moan slipped from her throat. Thane released one of her shoulders so he could shove his hand beneath the top of her dress instead, cupping her breast.

Shepard pulled out of the kiss, laughing low in her throat. “Taking initiative. I like that in a man. But that’s not what we agreed to. We’re not there yet, Krios. Don’t push your luck.”

Thane slid his mouth down to the side of her neck, where Garrus knew she was sensitive, where she always begged to be bitten. He only kissed her there, then withdrew, slipping his hands free of her and resting them on his knees. There was a hard line in his loose pants now.

Fuck, Garrus wanted to know what his cock looked like.

“I am yours to command, siha,” said Thane, in a voice that was not in any way submissive.

Shepard kicked away her blanket and readjusted the straps of her dress, tucked her hair back into place. “Then there’s something I want, and I think you want it too.” For the first time all night, she looked at Garrus. At the promise in those eyes, he could no longer control himself; he clapped his hand over his mouth, trying to stifle his moan, but it was loud and pathetic and needy. Shepard’s lips curled in the wicked smirk that was only ever for him, and he both never wanted to look away from her and bury himself in the sand at the same time. He was embarrassed, but it only made the horniness worse—or better, maybe? Now he really was nothing but his cock, aching to be released from behind his genital plates.

“May I infer what you mean,” said Thane, in an infuriatingly calm voice, “or would you like to be specific?”

“In this case, I trust your judgment.” She glanced between the two of them, assessing. “And I should hope this wouldn’t all be for my own entertainment.”

“No,” said Thane, too firmly for even Garrus to have any doubts or questions. He turned his gaze on Garrus, and Garrus felt the full weight of his gaze for the first time. Had he thought he’d ever experienced it before? He was a fool. There was nothing, nothing, like looking into Thane’s eyes and seeing an endless expanse of want. “It will not be.”

Thane took Shepard’s hand and kissed the back, lips lingering. Then he released her and stalked over to Garrus. This should have been the point where he made a joke—something, anything. But if he took his hand away, he would only embarrass himself again. Thane settled between the two of them and leaned over Garrus. So gently it surprised Garrus, Thane rested a hand over his, tugging his hand away from his mouth. For a moment, it was only the two of them looking at each other: Thane calm and still, Garrus barely breathing.

“This has been a long time coming as well, you know,” said Thane, his voice as gentle as his touch. It sent a shudder all through Garrus that, for once, had nothing to do with lust. “Hasn’t it.”

He didn’t say it like a question, but Garrus still managed a hoarse, “Yeah. It really has.”

Thane smiled, as cool and beautiful as the full moon overhead. Then he kissed Garrus. Only softly at first, the way he’d kissed Shepard, but the moment their mouths touched, Garrus couldn’t contain himself any longer. He groaned, deepening the kiss, reaching for Thane’s waist to pull him closer. Thane took his hand and pressed it to the hardness under his loose pants, rutting against his palm.

“Holy fuck,” Garrus breathed against his mouth.

Thane laughed softly, pulling away. He closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into Garrus’s touch. “Mm,” he breathed.

Garrus felt another touch on his other side and startled. He hadn’t even heard Shepard move around him, but there she was, her eyes glittering with satisfaction and desire. “Don’t mind me. The two of you are getting along just fine by yourselves. Only I thought maybe…” She slipped her hand beneath the band of Garrus’s leggings, her clever fingers stroking the seam of his genital plates. He moaned, his head falling back against his sleeping bag, and his hips jerked into her touch. “Maybe you could do with a little assistance on one part.” She worked his leggings off his hips, baring his lower body to the air. It had turned cold, just enough to make Garrus hiss. Her fingers crept back to his genital plate, teasing.

Thane rested his hand on Garrus’s other hip. “May I?” he asked. The question was directed at Shepard. The thought of being passed between them, being used by the two of them, shouldn’t have turned him on so much, but Garrus could only squirm, too aroused to say anything in his own defense.

“Together,” Shepard said, sounding pleased. She stroked Garrus’s hip, fingers lingering in the socket of the joint, where he was sensitive. “He’s really a two-hander situation anyway. You’ll see.”

“I believe I can infer.” Thane’s voice was rough with desire now. He and Shepard worked in tandem: her fingers slid between his genital plates, coaxing them open, and Thane reached inside him, urging out his cock, slick with precum. Garrus moaned aloud as Thane stroked him, so slowly it felt like he would never hurry up. Garrus couldn’t even say that he cared; it felt too good to be caught between the two of them. Thane hummed softly, his dark eyes half-lidded with pleasure even though he’d barely been touched.

“One more thing,” Shepard said, “and then I’ll let you boys get back to it for a little while. Why are you still dressed?”

Thane inclined his head to Shepard, then withdrew. Garrus might have protested, except that Shepard immediately took over touching him, working his cock exactly the way he liked. He reached for her, and she slid under the curve of his arm to kiss his cheek. “Focus, Vakarian,” she said, a laugh just beneath her voice. “You don’t want to miss this.”

Garrus followed her gaze. Thane got to his feet, stretching both arms slowly over his head. Unlike Shepard’s generous curves, Thane was a straight line, like an arrow pulled back to strike. He tipped his face back to the moonlight for a moment. Then he pulled his shirt over his head and stepped out of his pants in two quick movements. He’d been handsome enough shirtless. Naked, his cock hard against his stomach already, he was unbearable.

“The two of you are actually going to kill me,” said Garrus, the first thing he’d managed all night.

Thane laughed softly, slipping back to his side.

“You would enjoy it,” Shepard said, tipping his face to hers for a proper kiss, one that made him moan and rock into her hand. Then both her hand and her mouth vanished. “You two get back to work. I’ll let you know when I want you. I have something special in mind, don’t you fret.”

The thought of what she might be waiting for made Garrus groan. She resettled on her sleeping bag, behind Thane. She hadn’t removed her dress, but only so she could ruck it up now, shoving the skirt up around her round hips, revealing an expanse of thigh as endless as the desert. Thane turned his head to watch too as her hands slid down between her legs, spreading the lips of her pussy and curling around her clit. She was already wet—here Garrus thought his cock couldn’t get any harder.

She bit her lower lip, sliding slick fingers inside herself. Thane made a low noise in his throat, and she clicked her tongue. “Don’t watch me. I said get back to work. Though Garrus is one and done, Thane, so don’t use him up just yet. I have plans for that cock.”

The thought made Garrus whine, but he hushed up quickly because Thane had turned back to him. Had he ever thought those dark eyes were cold? No, now they blazed with heat, like stones left in the sun until they could sear you alive. He bent over Garrus again and kissed him hard. Garrus groaned, leaning up into him.

“No, wait,” he gasped, when Thane moved his mouth away to run his tongue over Garrus’s neck. He found the exact spot that made Garrus melt away to nothing, but Garrus still managed to get some words out. “I want to—touch you.” Thane pulled back slightly to look him in the eye. “I’ve wanted to touch you forever.”

Thane’s lips curled in a fond smile that made Garrus blush for an entirely different reason. “My body is yours as well, Garrus. Come here and have me, then.” He stretched out on his back, his whole body an invitation that made Garrus clench one hand into a fist. There was just so much to take in—the dark red stripes on his hips, like arrows pointing at his cock. His cock, edged with a fine frill like the ones on his neck. And his smile, inviting and eager.

Garrus glanced over at Shepard. She was still touching herself lazily, moving the hand inside herself with no particular hurry. Even so. He filed the image away for any time he got alone in the future, then knelt over Thane, his hand hovering just above the green skin of his chest. He pressed his palm there first, to feel the thump of his heartbeat. When they slept together the first time, Shepard had told him exactly what she wanted. An open invitation was a little intimidating.

Beside them, Shepard made a soft sigh, a noise that meant she was getting closer, and Garrus’s cock took back over. He kissed Thane, dragging sharp teeth over Thane’s full lower lip, and Thane moaned aloud, reaching up to loop strong arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

Garrus traced his hand down to Thane’s slim hips. Then something Shepard said finally slipped past the fog of lust in his mind. “Hang on.” He pulled away, holding Thane down. “Can you come more than once too?” One corner of Thane’s mouth turned up, which was as good as a yes. “Then hold still. There’s something I want to do while Shepard’s hands are busy.”

Thane sighed, pleased, and lay limp, letting Garrus take over. Normally, this would have intimidated him, but he was aware he only had so long to dither. Shepard’s breaths had turned quick and shallow; her hands were no longer slow. She would come soon. Garrus wanted to give her a show.

He let his tongue slip out between his lips, dragging it over Thane’s neck. Thane groaned, his breath suddenly shallow in his chest too. Garrus grinned; he could tell Thane got the picture. He did linger a little as he moved down Thane’s body, pressing kisses to his chest and licking a stripe down the flat plane of his stomach. But there would be time for that later. They had a whole vacation ahead of them, after all, and Garrus didn’t want to spend it doing anything but this.

By the time he reached Thane’s cock, Thane was panting, his whole body tense with want. Garrus didn’t even have to check on Shepard; he could tell how she was progressing. She was whining softly now. Her whole body would be tense too. Thane’s eyes flicked between them, his hand fisted in a spare blanket.

The one advantage to being so much larger than most other species, Garrus supposed, was that he could easily wrap his tongue around Thane’s entire length. He didn’t have time to be subtle. Thane moaned, hips jerking up against Garrus’s mouth. Garrus held him down with one hand, focusing on his task. He tasted good, the way Shepard tasted good—musky and salty. The thought of sliding his tongue between her folds, the same way he was torturing Thane, made Garrus moan.

He didn’t need any instruction in how to get Thane off, either. He could tell Thane was a finger poised on the trigger, one twitch away. And Shepard was gasping now. He could picture her clearly: one hand working her clit hard, her body arched up the same way Thane’s was. It was easy to move in the same rhythm, to coax Thane to a higher peak the same way he had learned to touch Shepard. Thane’s hand came down to his shoulder, sharp nails digging in. Garrus lost himself in the moment.

Suddenly, Shepard cried out, loud enough to carry all the way to the mountains in the distance. Thane’s hips jerked once more, and he groaned, spilling in Garrus’s mouth. Garrus grinned, running his tongue over Thane’s sweat-streaked hips and thighs. Then he sat back on his knees, wiping his mouth with his forearm. Both Thane and Shepard were lax and breathing hard. Thane groped for Shepard’s hand and found it, squeezing hard, and Garrus felt another stab of satisfaction, deeper than lust.

He never thought it could be this way. He always thought this would be one thing he could never fix for her, one dot of red on his ledger he could never cancel out. Things would be different now, though. He’d never looked forward to it more.

***

Shepard came back to herself slowly. She’d thought watching Garrus and Thane make out would turn her on, but this was something entirely different. The way they touched each other made her whole body arch with longing. And she knew what she needed now. Still, she took a little time coming around before she sat up. Now she wiggled out of her sundress. It had felt good, deliciously dirty, to touch herself while still clothed, but that would only get in the way of what she wanted now.

She turned to Thane. God, it felt good to look at him again, to know he was hers. “Gonna be able to rally, Thane? I have something special in mind.”

Thane sighed deeply, but only with satisfaction. It was good to hear him so relaxed. “I can do anything you wish, siha. Though Garrus may need to get you started.”

“Hmm, good idea. He’s been waiting long enough.” She crooked a finger at him, and Garrus hurried to her side.”Come here and fuck me, honey.”

Normally, he would have had some smartass comment, but he was still lust-drunk from blowing Thane. He pressed her down and spread her legs, sliding inside her with one slick motion. She was already wet and ready for him, and her pussy still ached so sweetly from coming. “Garrus,” she moaned, sliding her arms around him. “Oh, fuck me.” He groaned, pressing his forehead to the blankets next to her head.

“Fuck, I needed you,” he breathed, even though his movements were slow and careful, making sure she could take him. On most nights, she would scold him for treating her like something that could break, but tonight, she had other business to consider.

She glanced over at Thane. He was watching them raptly, eyes wide, lips parted.

“Thane,” she said, as evenly as she could while Garrus rocked inside her, “go look in the front pocket of my bag. You’ll know it when you see it.”

He nodded, rising smoothly. His cock was already half hard; he took one long, greedy look at them before moving away.

Shepard returned her attention to Garrus, nudging his cheek until he looked at her. His eyes were dazed and needy. “Still okay with this?” she whispered.

That made him stop, blinking at her. “Little late to ask me that, Shepard,” he said, his hips stilling. “The varren’s not just loose—it’s on another planet.”

That made her laugh and pinch the back of his neck. “Don’t sass me. Think you can hold off for a little while longer?”

He nodded, leaning in to nuzzle the side of her neck. “Yeah,” he breathed. “Just wanna be close to you anyway.”

She knew what that meant; she stroked his back. “I love you too, Garrus.”

Thane returned with the lube and set it beside them, dropping to one knee. He slid a hand between his legs, stroking himself back to full hardness. Shepard watched, biting her lip with anticipation, then tapped Garrus’s back. “Okay, honey, off. Just for a bit.”

He complied slowly, moving back so she could sit up. His eyes flicked between her and Thane, then the lube, but he clearly could not put two and two together. Though, considering the bright blue, throbbing length of his cock, she was lucky she was getting anything out of him besides caveman grunts.

She stretched out on her side and rested her head on her arm. Her own heartbeat thudded in her ears; Garrus had worked her up again, her whole body pulsing like a neutron star. “Thane, take the lube and touch me here. You remember how?” She gestured where she wanted him.

After a moment, she felt warm fingers gently probe her hole, slick with lube, and warmer breath on her ear. “I remember everything, siha,” he whispered in her ear. Oh, fuck, that voice and the things it did to her. Her whole body came alive at that voice, and now she could finally indulge herself. He eased her open as gently as the two of them had drawn out Garrus’s cock—and thinking of Garrus panting and begging beneath the two of them made her squirm too, arching back toward Thane’s fingers. He was warm inside her and gently, spreading her open. She didn’t have an eidetic memory, but she could recall his cock easily enough, and she had to bite her lip to keep from begging for it now.

As he eased her open, he pressed close to her, kissing and biting the back of her neck, breathing sweet nothings against her skin. She had almost forgotten the way he fucked her, a form of worship all its own, how it felt to be treated like something precious.

His fingers curled inside her, and she groaned softly, biting back a louder moan. “That’s good enough,” she said, as firmly as she could when her entire body was loose and soft and open. “Now have the two of you figured out the agenda yet, or do I have to spell it out?”

Garrus was watching them open-mouthed, his hand twitching toward his cock but not quite taking it. “Are we taking turns?” he said roughly. “’Cause you know I hate to disappoint you, sweetheart, but I’m not lasting through a round of watching him fuck you.” He did not sound in any way upset.

She considered it for half a beat. It would be satisfying, to watch him spill into the sand while Thane played her like an instrument.

But tonight was a special night, so she wanted to swing for the fences. “You’re half right.”

Garrus frowned for half a second. Then the light went on in his poor lust-addled brain, and he let out a full-out whine. “Spirits, Shepard, I want to come back from this trip alive.”

“Don’t be such a baby.” She patted the space in front of her. “You first. Thane is a little better at adjusting to difficult terrain than you.”

Thane’s voice was low and drenched with lust behind her. Her whole body knew that tone, and now she did moan. He bit her shoulder, hard.

Garrus made an incoherent noise, then slid in front of her, carefully lining up their bodies so he could take her sideways. She was already loose from coming and from fucking, so it wasn’t difficult, but it did feel good. He curled in close to her, his whole body tense with need, his cock motionless inside her.

She was already full in the best way. She was going to pop off like a rocket when Thane entered her. She couldn’t wait.

Thane, though, leaned over her. He kissed her mouth briefly, hard, then gave Garrus the same treatment. Garrus whined again, his hips jerking, and Thane let out a soft little laugh that did not in any way disguise his own lust.

He settled behind Shepard again and kissed the top of her shoulder, then lightly nipped her earlobe. “Hold still for a moment, siha, please.”

“Mhhmm,” she breathed, closing her eyes so vision wouldn’t distract her from the sensation. Garrus was warm in front of her, his cock a pleasant pressure between her legs. Thane’s cock brushed against her other hole, and for a moment, she thought there was no possible way they could both fit in her. But she breathed out, and Thane slid home inside her. He groaned, wrapping an arm around the swell of her stomach.

“Siha,” he breathed in her ear. “Siha, please…”

“If both of you just sit there after I went to all this work, vacation’s over,” she growled. This was ordinarily the point she’d take over, working her hips until the man beneath her was nothing but a mess, but she was trapped between them in the best way, so full it was almost painful. Her clit sparked like a second heartbeat, but she couldn’t get her hand between them to touch.

Thane, as he usually did, read her mind. His hand crept lower, finding her most sensitive point even as he began to thrust, slow and erratic. Each thrust pushed her toward Garrus, who moaned, reaching for her hip to stabilize her. She dug her fingers into his waist to urge him on, and Garrus began to rut too, though his movements were weak and shaky, already on the cusp.

That was fine with her. The two of them were in perfect sync already, pushing her back and forth, driving in and out. The moment she got relief from one man, the other shoved home inside her, until she was gasping. And Thane never forgot anything, which meant he knew exactly how to touch her. Not gently, not the second time around. No, now she needed it as hard as their cocks pulsing inside her. Her pussy clamped down hard on Garrus’s cock as Thane brought her closer to her peak, and he groaned, his thrusts turning shallow and fast.

“Shepard, please,” he breathed, his face creased with pleasure so great it nearly doubled back to agony.

“Yes,” she breathed, and he thrust one more time into her, hard. The pulse of his cock as he emptied inside her, combined with the steady pressure of Thane’s fingers, pushed her over the edge with him. The world exploded into sparks as bright as the stars overhead, and Shepard thought she might actually shatter from bliss.

“Siha,” Thane groaned, pulling out of her to empty onto her bare back.

Even dazed as she was, she could still grin at him. “Proud of your handiwork, Krios?” she murmured. Her entire body had gone slack, her breasts and thighs streaked with sweat.

Thane wiped her off, then tipped her head to kiss her—gentle, reverent, even though he was gasping for breath. “Grateful,” he whispered, tracing her chin and the soft, full line of her neck. “I do not know what I did right to bring me here, but I swear I will never jeopardize it again.”

She reached back to pat his thigh. “Well, you’ve gone pretty far to make up for it tonight, as far as I’m concerned.” She glanced over at Garrus, who was limp beside her. “Garrus? You still in the land of the living, big guy?”

He managed to open one eye. “Gotta be. Turian afterlife doesn’t have sex that good. Just don’t ask me to do anything for the next week.”

She snorted. “Please. You’ll be up and begging for it before the sun rises.”

Garrus only huffed out a breath.

Shepard rolled onto her back. Now that the dizzying burst of desire had passed, she was sore, but pleasantly so. She would take this over battlefield bruises any day of the week.

She studied the stars and listened to their slowing breaths. The night was cool enough to make her shiver, but she didn’t move to dress or get in her sleeping bag. “I think this is where it really starts.”

“What does?” Garrus mumbled, scooting closer to take her in his arms. Thane moved in too, protecting her from the wind.

“The rest of our lives.” She rolled over to snuggle into Thane’s chest, glad to let that be the final word on the matter.