Archive of Our Own ^beta

The Chao Garden: not the best place to have a mental breakdown, Shadow would be the first to admit, but for him it would have to do.

Everything was going according to plan. The doctor hadn't doubted Shadow for a second, all too eager to bring him the Emeralds as he remained ignorant of the scheme's true nature. Shadow had been prepared to do it all himself once he was freed; having a greedy, power-hungry fool at his disposal just made things easier. At this rate it wouldn't be long before he fulfilled Maria's wish. There was nothing to worry about.

And yet… here he was, sitting in the grass, wracked with tremors as his head swam with unbearable memories. Returning to ARK to check the Cannon's integrity had been more painful than he'd anticipated. On the surface, it was the same home he remembered, but the further he explored the more the illusion was shattered. Signs of struggle were everywhere. Most of the research materials were nowhere to be found, probably seized by GUN long ago, so all the objects still left behind were people's personal belongings. Everywhere Shadow turned he saw something familiar, haunted by unshakable reminders of both home and tragedy. It made his heart ache. It made him feel sick.

Since then he limited his activity to the areas closest to the Cannon's control room. He had a job to do—he couldn't let himself get caught up in the remnants of the life he'd left behind.

At the same time, though, it wasn't like he could just forget. Every so often, something would remind him and bring it all back to the surface. Usually it passed quickly, but he couldn't always get his mind back on track, and he wouldn't dare let anyone else see him when he was so rattled.

So… Chao Garden it was. Who would think to look for him there? He'd pull himself together and be back before anyone noticed a thing.

But the universe always had its own plans, didn't it?

Verdant eyes met vermilion in the brilliant sunlight of the garden.

Recoiling so hard he nearly lost his balance, Sonic stepped back a few paces, unable to believe what he was seeing. It was him. Without a doubt, it was him, just sitting there in the grass plain as day.

Sonic braced himself as he watched for any sudden motion—he'd learned the hard way just how fast Shadow could move. But the other hedgehog just eyed him with a blank expression, his mood utterly unreadable, before he turned back toward the waterfall. He didn't say a word. He didn't do anything else. Like Sonic wasn't even there.

They'd made eye contact, though; Shadow had definitely noticed him. And the longer he went without making a move, the more on edge Sonic got. He shuffled around restlessly as he tried to weigh his options. He didn't want to let Shadow out of his sight now that he'd found him again, but what was he gonna do? Interrogate him in the middle of a Chao Garden? Chaos forbid, fight him in the middle of a Chao Garden? Maybe he'd go back out into the lobby instead and wait for him there… but then again, if Shadow still had a Chaos Emerald, he could easily just—

“Quit fidgeting.”

Sonic blinked, refocusing his attention on Shadow as his train of thought was derailed. The other hedgehog had turned to look at him again, frowning this time. “What?”

“I can hear you kicking up the grass from here. Quit it.”

“Well, pardon me for being a little on edge around the guy who's framing me for—”

“I'm not framing you.” Shadow shrugged. “It isn't my fault the fools at GUN can't tell two hedgehogs apart.”

He seemed so nonchalant that it made Sonic want to punch him. “Whatever,” he snapped instead, finally trudging further into the garden. The Chao he'd been getting to know was hanging around closer to Shadow than Sonic would've liked, and he approached slowly, still on the lookout for any tricks Shadow might try to pull as he knelt down to sit near them.

His nerves were calmed a little when the Chao noticed him, their expression visibly brightening. “Hello again,” he murmured as he reached out to give them a gentle pat. “I brought you a mint candy. Don't tell anyone.”

They practically snatched the candy from him when he handed it to them, but then they took their time with it, unwrapping it slowly like it was something delicate. As they fussed over it, Sonic glanced back up toward Shadow, their eyes meeting for a split second before the other hedgehog turned away. Like he'd been staring.

“You can interact with the Chao, you know.” Sonic leaned to the side as he spoke, trying to get a look at Shadow's face. “Kinda the whole point of the gardens.”

“I'm aware.”

Sonic hummed, skeptical. “Sure. Looks to me like you're just practicing your death glare, though.”

Said death glare was leveled at Sonic then, and tension thickened in the air between them once more, putting him back on edge. “Don't,” Shadow began, stressing the word so strongly it felt like a threat, “talk to me as though we're friends.”

Sonic opened his mouth to argue, but quickly closed it again. No matter how civil Shadow was being, it was certainly temporary; circumstantial—because they weren't friends, and they both knew it. It was stupid to let his guard down, no matter where they happened to be.

…But he wasn't quite an enemy, was he? Sonic had no clue what Shadow was up to, why GUN was after him… and he hadn't made a single move to attack Sonic the whole time he'd been in the garden. Hadn't attacked him in the city, either. For now, at the very least, it didn't feel right to hate him. Sonic couldn't bring himself to. He wasn't sure if he wanted to in the first place.

Shadow let out a sigh and turned away again once it became clear that Sonic wasn't going to say anything else. And that's when Sonic noticed: he was trembling.

“You're shaking,” said Sonic, before he could even think. “Are… are you O—”

He cut himself off, startled by the bright light suddenly overtaking his vision, and then Shadow was gone. Seems he had still had a Chaos Emerald on him.

Why hadn't he left earlier, then…?

“Wait! Shadow!”

The moment Shadow had stepped into the garden, he'd pivoted and tried to head right back out, only for that blue hedgehog to sprint to his side and grab his arm. Shadow bit back a snarl. “Get your hand off me before you lose it.”

“No,” the hedgehog protested, the determined glint in his eyes tinged with worry. “I want you to tell me: Why are you working with Eggman? What did he tell you?”

“Get. Off.”

“He lies to get what he wants, you know! Whatever scheme he's got you roped into, I'm sure it's just gonna get you hurt in the end.” His grip only tightened as he spoke, like he was urging Shadow to take him seriously. “Please—tell me what's going on. I can help you.”

Oh, it was almost painful how little he knew.

“You wouldn't help me,” Shadow scoffed. “Not with this. You haven't got a clue what you're talking about.”

“Then explain it to me.”

“I have no reason to trust you.”

“Shadow, I—”

The blue hedgehog's hold loosened slightly, and Shadow took the opportunity to wrench his hand away and shove him back. The moment their contact was broken, Shadow reached for his Chaos Emerald, disappearing in a burst of energy just as he had the last time.

He couldn't deal with this now. He needed to be alone. He hoped that blue nuisance hadn't noticed that he'd been shaking again when he grabbed his arm.

The room he chose to rematerialize in, all the way back on ARK, was deserted despite being near the control room. Probably not for long—they'd acquired enough Emeralds to test the Cannon. But for now… he was alone. The view of Earth outside the window a luminous contrast to the pitch-black space it occupied.

What do you think it's like on Earth?

…It only served to make him feel worse.

The next few times they crossed paths in the Chao Garden, Sonic was earnestly prepared for a fight. Why Shadow kept coming back when he should have known it was a place Sonic could freely access was beyond him, but at least it gave him more opportunities to try to figure him out. Shadow was getting worse at hiding his agitation as the situation continued to devolve, though, to the point where he'd started mostly ignoring Sonic again as he stared into the distance and failed to suppress his tremors. Maybe they were enemies now; maybe friendship had never been in the cards for them at all, and maybe Sonic would never know exactly what was wrong… but he could still tell: Shadow was hurting. Something was hurting him, and had been hurting him this whole time, and it made Sonic's heart ache in turn.

He still didn't hate him. He couldn't. Not when all he wanted was to save him.

“This can't be who you are,” Sonic had dared to say, during one visit.

“It is now,” was all he received in response. Sounding hollow.

“You don't have to do all this,” he'd tried instead.

“You don't understand,” had been the equally-hollow reply.

The one and only time Shadow spoke first was when one of the Chao in the garden began to disappear into their cocoon. “What's happening to them?” he'd asked, a hint of anxiety in his tone.

“Oh, uh….” Sonic glanced to the cocoon, then back to Shadow. “They're dying.”

Far too many emotions flashed through Shadow's eyes at once, and Sonic scrambled to explain further, gesturing toward the cocoon. “No, I mean— It's pink, see? They had a good life. It's just time to start a new one.”

It was the most amicable their silence had ever been, as they both watched and waited for the Chao to reincarnate. For a while the garden felt more detached from reality than it already had, the problems and the conflict awaiting them once they left seeming more distant than the faintest star.

“It's never too late to start over,” Sonic murmured.

Shadow didn't answer at all, that time.

Sonic. His name was Sonic, Shadow had finally learned. Not that it mattered. The plan had worked; none of them could be saved now.

That familiar sight of Earth through the window… despite everything, it looked the same as always. The same view he remembered from fifty years ago, in the same home he'd known, yet somehow it was all warped beyond recognition in his eyes. Memories from a life he'd never get back; of the promise he'd made. He couldn't push them out of his head, this time.

Give them a chance.

He was shaking again.

…Chaos, he had to try to fix this. For her.

It was never too late to start over.

“Remember me? I saved up for another mint candy.”

The little Chao snatched the candy from Sonic like always, and he petted them lightly with his now-free hand as he placed some fruits on the grass by them as well. He liked to bring them a few different ones and let them choose what they were in the mood for, since there were so many trees growing around the gardens now—nothing ever seemed to top the mints, though.

He leaned against the tree by the Chao as they worked on painstakingly removing the candy's wrapper. They were sitting close to where Shadow used to sit when he came here and sulked…. Every single one of those encounters had been objectively miserable, and yet the weight of Shadow's absence still lingered heavy in the air. Because of… what could have been, Sonic supposed.

When Shadow came back to help them, Sonic knew he had been right about him. He knew he had been right not to hate him. He thought, a bit selfishly, that maybe it'd be a new beginning for them, like it had been with him and Knuckles all those years ago. That he'd finally get a chance to know him. That he'd saved him. And that maybe the next time they found themselves crossing paths in these gardens, they'd actually be happy to see each other.

But, well… the universe always had its own plans.

Sonic let out a sigh, his gaze drifting to the recently-reincarnated Chao sleeping on the opposite end of the garden.

Maybe in another life he'd have a better chance.