Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hi, thanks for stopping by :) I have a story idea, but before I dive in, I'd like to know if you'd like it.

English isn't my first language so there will be mistakes. You can correct me, no problem (please be kind tho, i tried my best haha)  

You know everything, now it's your turn to tell me. I hope you enjoy it. Happy reading <3

~ Lycoris

Chapter 1

We're two halves of a whole idiot.

Iwaizumi's POV

Being Oikawa Tooru's soulmate was not easy.

The other half if you want.

The missing part if you still don't understand.

Anyway, the thing missing from Oikawa. Honestly if I had been given the choice I would have chosen someone else. Someone a little less narcissistic, a little less childish, a little less stubborn, a little less...

"This skirt doesn't suit you, darling. You better take it off." he said to a junior who was passing by in the corridor.

...A little less flirty with the whole world would have been good too. He was the type of person who felt obligated to have any connection to anyone or anything.

In short, I would have liked it if it had not been him. Anything but him.

I slammed my locker door abruptly, staring straight ahead while gritting my teeth.

"I love it when you do that. It brings out your jawline, girls love it." he added in my direction.

I didn't even give him the honor of reacting to his words because they were frankly ridiculous.

For a reason that still remained unknown to the world, Oikawa Tooru had it in his head to make me his friend. Although it had already been a decade since he had failed to achieve his goal, he remained as close to me as my shadow was. For two years in a row we were no longer in the same class so I had to resolve to put up with his daily presence only during breaks. There was no story of "I ended up getting used to him", of "inseparable duo", of "never one without the other" or even "thing 1 and thing 2" because he always irritated me by simply talking to me... And it had now been four days since I knew that this guy was supposed to be the one with whom I was going to spend the rest of my life.

In the universe in which we progress, our eighteenth birthday was the decisive element of our future. It was always impatiently awaited because this age signified our majority, the start of adult life as well as the discovery of our alter ego. An immaterial bond connected us to someone else from that moment on and was revealed when someone touched your soul mate. That part was still manageable even when the person in question was Oikawa who was being touched by everyone.

No, the worst was when this person touched themselves, whether it was to run their hand through their hair, scratch their forearm, place their hand on their thigh. The slightest touch on his body was replicated on mine. Each of my nerves were on edge and translated the slightest use of the link like an electric shock. It was unbearable.

I was going to get rid of it as quickly as possible... Except that cases like mine weren't commonplace. I mean, what person in their right mind would want to get rid of a half that complements themselves in every single way ?

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the brunette yawn. The hand that had appeared with the link squeezed my heart, making it jump a little when I saw him do it. I made sure to increase the distance between us.

Pathetic.

No, I had to get rid of the link as quickly as possible. In six days Oikawa would have the other end of this connection. He loved girls. I hardly dared to imagine what his reaction will be when he understands that he is linked to a boy. He had never spoken out on the subject because the possibility simply could not exist. I was willing to bet he was going to cause a scene worthy of an Indian drama and make a fool of us both in the process.

No, no, I really had to get rid of it.

I heard him running behind to come up to me and walk beside me. No one could explain his obsession with me. We were not in the same class. I didn't participate in any clubs. I wasn't even a good student and I had a limited number of friends. He was the captain of Aoba Josai volleyball team which was regionally known. He was a member of the high school student council, was one of the top 5 students in the end of year results rankings and maintained friendly ties with everyone he laid eyes on. Why he clung to me like a leech was a mystery. Girls glared at me as they passed in a hallway, probably ready to give up their most precious possession to be in my place. I ignored them.

I ignored everyone.

A ghostly hand ran through my hair. Despite myself, shivers would run through me due to the sensation.

I could ignore the whole world except him, to my great misfortune. Him, I could never ignore him. What a pain in the ass.

" Are you cold, Iwa ? Oh wait... Don't tell me it's girls who have that effect on you ! Which one is ..."

I entered the classroom to my right where my last lesson of the day would take place. As I took my place at the back of the room I heard him tell me that he would be back later. I hoped he wouldn't come back. Ever.

I had six days before he screwed things up. Only six days until my life did a 360°... Nah, became a different universe. Six days was such a short time to find a solution to this mess. The problem was that there was no solution.

Oikawa was the guy who was an only child and who came from a good family that the whole town knew. It was borderline if he didn't appear in the newspapers because people were such a fan of him. His future was already mapped out for him from the moment he learned to walk. He was going to be a lawyer for a large firm in the capital of the country. He was going to have a blonde European soul mate with model looks who would give him children to ensure the descendants of the Oikawa family. She would be kind, docile and a housewife. And the point on which he persisted in repeating was : she obviously had a large chest.

I lowered my head to look at my chest. Sure, I was a little muscular, but those muscles would never become breasts. I couldn't stop a snicker from escaping my lips. Several of my classmates turned to stare at me as if it was the strangest noise they had ever heard. I ignored them.

The math derivations were just starting to become clear in my head when a hand rested in the hollow of one of my cheeks. The little concentration I had managed to give to my teacher was instantly shattered.

The brunette often rested his head in the palm of his hand, more generally the right than the left, when he listened in class. This was information that I would have been careful not to know. It's not like I wanted to know. The worst part was that he had no idea what was going on. He was completely ignorant. Sometimes it could be...

I looked away from the board, my cheeks slightly rusted. I didn't want to think about that. Damn link.

"A problem, Iwaizumi ?" interrupted my teacher.

I shook my head from side to side and covered my mouth with my hand and leaned back. From the outside I must have appeared nonchalant. I had to be. It shouldn't affect me. I picked up my pen which had fallen to the ground.

Six days, that's all.

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

As the end of class bell rang I had already passed the threshold of the door. So I was convinced that I would not have to encounter the leech again until tomorrow morning. I had 30 minutes left before I had to go to work. I quickly returned home and before I could greet my little sister and get yelled at by my mother I was out of the house again. The bus was a little late due to the big rush on Friday evening. That's why I had to run to be on time once I got to my stop.

"Hurry up Iwaizumi, some customers asked for you." Aiko, my boss, greeted me

I nodded to show him that I had heard him. The locker room were empty as I changed out of my uniform for a white dress shirt and black pants. Work attire at " Roses » was not imposed in order to allow its multiple hosts to differentiate themselves. For my part, I was content to leave the first buttons of my shirt unbuttoned, to tighten my watch on my wrist, to check that my belt encircled my waist of the pants which were a little too big, to tie my shoes well and to try to control the spikes that formed my hair.

A non-existent kiss landed on my cheek. That was probably Oikawa's mother. It was her way of saying hello to her son. I sighed.

I passed in front of the locker room mirror one last time before opening the door to immerse myself in the jazzy atmosphere of " Roses ". The club was only reserved for a wealthy portion of the inhabitants, thus limiting access. It was the type of place where they served champagne or French wine rather than beer or vodka. A group of musicians was playing softly in a corner of the room, giving a certain softness to the room filled with tables and couches.

A woman in her thirties waved delicately to me as hello. She was one of the regulars who called herself Yuzu. I doubted that was her real name but I believed that she had become attached to me after my two months of work. It wasn't like it really mattered. What mattered was to please, to satisfy and to earn money. My only goal was to make her happy for a timed moment before we went home on our own.

Yuzu was nice. She wasn't annoying like other customers. It was for this reason that I responded to her greeting with a curl of the corners of my lips.

" Hello Charles, how are you?" Yuzu asked me.

Charles was my host name. It allowed us to remain anonymous and for my part, to detach myself from Iwaizuimi Haijme. This really helped me during the first days of practicing this job as a host. When clients began to touch it was hard not to get up and stop everything. I was a minor at the time of the events, they would never have allowed themselves to do it if they had known. However, my mouth had to remain sewn shut because it was Aiko's condition for me to be able to work.

I just had to be nice, all the time, no matter the circumstances.

I refilled her glass with the red wine she had ordered. The liquid smashed against the walls of the container like angry waves enclosed in a glass ball.

"Better now that you're with me, Yuzu." I replied with a charming intonation

The thirty-year-old giggled, as if she were making fun of me. I didn't let anything show, plastering a calm smile on my face. She spoke to me about her business which was gradually growing after her divorce four months ago and when she asked me questions about the life I made one up. One where I was more enthusiastic and ambitious.

Around 10 p.m., when Yuzu had been gone for a while and others had replaced her, the ghost revealed itself. It was earlier than usual, normally the brunette waited a little later to take care of it . He began by placing a hand on his collarbone then moved down the slope of his torso with his fingertips before...

Damn Oik... Don't think about his name.

I held my breath before even thinking about the repercussions of this action.

"Is everything alright Charles ?"

I nodded without fully understanding the question. I just had to say yes and they would be happy. The customers in front of me were younger than Yuzu. They were more reckless, enterprising, and direct. That's why I wasn't surprised when one of them put a hand on my back to rub little circles on it. Her sidekick was touching my shoulder.

In six days he would feel these contacts on his own body and he would wonder what his soul mate was doing.

" Please excuse me, I'll be right back."

I rushed to the locker room to block out prying eyes. I was starting to lack oxygen, my crotch was burning. In a minute or two he would have finished his business. I tried to think of something else to push away the feeling. Things that annoyed me, disgusted me, such as the maths derivations I had for homework when I got home, my math teacher's big nose, Maki's SpongeBob boxers, Oikawa's satisfied grins. Oikawa. His very existence was irritable.

I felt betrayed by my own body when it heated up even more than before. I did nothing to relieve my pain or to satisfy it. I acted as if it didn't exist. This connection was just a mental connection between two souls. Maybe if I convinced myself that no sensation was real it would disappear. As if he wanted to contradict me, the movements accelerated and the ghostly grip became firmer. My heart pounded against my ribcage until the hand slowed and stopped completely.

He finished. Not me.

It was unsatisfying, like promising a child candy only to be told there was never any.

It took a few moments for the sensations to completely disappear from me and for me to dissociate them from my own. I didn't have want it, it was just him who was obsessed with it. He could sleep peacefully now that he had done his mischief.

The main thing was that I could breathe again.

My head fell into my hands. I sat on the locker room floor with my knees drawn up. In six days he will feel my hands currently on my face and he will know everything about me. It was terrifying. Giving all this knowledge to someone like Oikawa was unnatural. He was the guy to avoid, not know.

"Iwaizumi, the customers are worried. Everything is fine ?" I heard Aiko ask from the other side of the door.

I swallowed before answering :

"Just dizzy. I'm coming."

He was leaving after hearing my words.

Oikawa should never know it's me.

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

Monday morning was definitely the worst part of the week. However, this particular Monday could go down as one of the shittiest days of the year. It had already started with my mother throwing my backpack at my head while I was still asleep. I didn't have time to take a fruit that she had already thrown me out of the house. Then, I had barely put on my first slipper before going to class when Oikawa was already clinging to me. I had the right to his weekly speech. Honestly, I didn't really want to know that he had seen his best friend again since they were in diapers and had gone to the lake to go jet skiing.

So far, this day was just mediocre. However, after the surprise test in literature, the brunette's incessant chatter during lunchtime and his successful flirt with a blonde I was starting to have doubts.

My impression was confirmed around 4 p.m. when I was getting ready to go home. First of all, my homeroom teacher came to pick me up and told me that she was seriously worried about my grades.

"... that's why I thought that Oikawa could help you, Iwaizumi." she finished, sure of her problematic solution.

A few moments passed before I dared to answer her :

"It can't be someone else?"

"He is our best student in literature and biology. This makes him the most qualified to help ..."

I watched through the window as she praised me as her best student. Summer vacation was just over a month away. It also indicated the end of year exams which were fast approaching. I knew I wasn't ready and just needing help repelled me. Especially if that help came from Oikawa. I wanted nothing to do with him. I had other fish to fry.

An unpleasant feeling appeared on my body. I had nothing more to do here, I had to leave.

I ended up nodding my head for her to leave me alone. No matter my answer, she had already decided it for me. It was for my greatest good according to her. I couldn't explain to her how wrong she was.

My bad luck was prolonged again when I saw Oikawa and the blonde from that afternoon kissing between the lockers at the entrance. They communicated through whispers. I only realized that the burning on the thin skin of my lips was caused by this. My gaze at the scene was a second too long for what it was supposed to be if I had no interest in it.

I stealthily retrieved my shoes from my locker. I didn't want to hear them. My heart was racing but it wasn't because of me. This heart did not belong to me. It was because of the bond that it was so loud. Tying my shoes took longer than I expected because my vision blurred due to the feeling in my chest. It was so strong at that moment.

Did the connection break after a certain number of kilometers ?

My anger was a bad mix with my burning heart. The sensation on my lips translated to my jaw. I saw red, I was angry. Why did it my other had to be him ? An invisible hand pulled on my hair, a groan escaped me. I stopped a little before the exit gate to put my head in my hands.

This feeling only existed in my head. This link was only mental, it was not real.

" Iwa ? What are you doing there?" shouted the one I was avoiding.

I was leaving before he could even take another step in my direction.

I had three days left.

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

"Good evening Iwaizumi, there are clients for you." Aiko welcomed me.

I nodded and headed to the locker room. When I reappeared in the main room full of people I was dressed in a half-opened burgundy shirt and the same pants as last week. My neck was encircled by a golden choker necklace and my earlobe was encircled by a thin black ring. I was tightening my watch on my wrist when I saw that there was a man at my table.

He was relatively young, around twenty if I was asked for my opinion. His blond hair must surely have turned platinum when he was exposed to the sun... Although it shouldn't be that often because he had pale skin. From where I stood I could tell he was tall. Between his long, slender fingers he held a glass of whiskey. He hadn't noticed me yet, he was just observing the people at the next table.

I turned around to find Aiko staring at me, demanding. I was going to ask him if the customer was at the wrong table. However, my boss nodded before I could even ask the question. He gestured to me, explaining that I had no choice but to do what he said.. I had been fooled and I couldn't say anything.

I ignored the feeling of being trapped in the situation. Oh well, it was the way it was.

A ghostly kiss was placed on my cheek. Oikawa had returned home.

My hand was shaking. I tried to calm the excess emotion and dissociate them from me.

I had never had a man as a client. I tried to reassure myself that it couldn't be much different than usual.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Charles." I introduced myself before taking a seat in front of him.

His clear eyes were actually x-rays as they settled on my face. The next few seconds were heavy. Something beyond my control was happening. I was being judged by this stranger.

An invisible hand comes to cup the hollow of my cheek.

I broke eye contact.

"Alexei."

He presented me with his hand. Uncomfortable, I handed him mine. From an outsider's point of view our table must have looked like a business meeting. His accent reminded me of the edge of a knife from how sharp it was.

"Can I get you another drink ?" I asked, pointing at his empty glass.

His x-ray attention was focused back on the object in his hands. He only nodded once.

Communication was difficult. I was used to it being my clients who were responsible for finding topics of conversation and my role was to make sure they were interesting. Despite the inconsistent flow of discussion, I managed to learn that Alexei was a Russian scientist who wanted to get away from his native country. What he was looking for right now was just company. He was intense like no other. The type of person that gave you chills.

Still, I could see that he wasn't telling me everything. He left after half an hour, telling me he would come back. Honestly, I didn't know if I was happy to have this information.

The customers from last time came back especially for me. They were having fun playing with the collar of my shirt, unfolding it and folding it again. They were bawling and showing me pictures on their phones of their dog. I almost came to miss Alexei's presence of cold calm.

Before the little hand of my watch went above eleven on its dial I had already left the locker room. Aiko was waiting at the front desk, his polished shoes on the desk. He gave me an apologetic look when he saw me arrive.

"Sorry for that Iwaizumi...He told me he wanted to be with someone the same age."

"I would have liked to have been warned in advance"

"So that you could refuse ?"

We looked at each other before I decided it wasn't worth getting fired. I just sighed and repeated that I wanted to know beforehand before leaving.

I had to ignore it.

I looked at my watch. I had little time left before Oikawa brought attention to himself.

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

My weight made the wooden floors of the house creak. I listened attentively to the door as I passed my mother's room and heard her snoring. I continued down the hallway and repeated the same process for my sister. Only afterwards could I continue my journey peacefully.

My shower was quick, I didn't want to end up under cold water at the end of the day. My muscles could only relax once I was in bed. All I had to do was wait for the ghost. I was stretched full length on the sheets, probably taking the grotesque shape of a starfish. Glancing at my alarm clock, I saw that it said 11:24 p.m. Only a few minutes left before he arrives.

It's not like I want to wait for him. I hated its unreal presence on my skin. Either way, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep until he came. My nighttime routine had been completely turned upside down over the past few days. The first night, I woke up with a start because of a caress on my inner thigh. Later, I concluded that Oikawa was a night owl. He always waited until it was dark to occupy himself differently than he did during the day. His touches were brutal, even crossing the line of "violent" at times. Most of the time they left me perplexed. The link lets me see an unknown side to the World of Oikawa Tooru.

During the eight days, because of the connection, I had gotten to know the brunette in a different way. Although he didn't let it show, he was a perfectionist and a maniac. No one in high school knew how much he loved his mother so much who let her kiss him on the cheek, before and after he came home from school. No one knew all the kinds of tics he had... Except me, because they were starting to be part of mine too.

I am certain that this part of the bond allowed soulmates to feel closer to each other. You couldn't be closer to someone than like this. It was torture for people like me. I hated physical contact and had for years. I still sometimes jumped when an invisible friction was made against my skin.

I'll be better off once I get rid of this bond. He was the central cause of all my problems, the extra gear that bothered every other gear. My only solution was to remove him from the equation.

The problem ?

I was really bad at math.

҉

So what do we think ? Do we continue ?

~ Lycoris

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

Iwaizumi’s POV

The sudden weight of my school bag on my stomach woke me up.The oxygen circulating in my lungs was knocked out. My mother had just thrown the bag at me for who knows what. To say it surprised me would have been a lie. However, my wide eyes from the impact spoke for me. A faint orange light pierced the blades of the room’s blind. The sun was beginning to peek out.

“Get up, you're going to be late !”

Hello to you too, Mom. Yes, I slept well, and you ? I grumbled my head.

I mean, she wasn’t known for her gentle manners and careful hands.  

I glanced at the alarm clock which was resting on my bedside table to read a "still way too early to get up." type of hour indicated on its screen. I ignored the other presence waiting in my room and turned my back on it, trying to get back to sleep.

“Even if you don't have your diploma, you'll just have to get an apartment of your own. You're just a good-for-nothing, like your father…” 

And the best mother of all time awards goes to…

The rest of her words followed her as she went to wake my sister. I opened my eyes because I knew full well that sleep wouldn’t come anytime soon. Nevertheless, it didn’t stop me from remaining motionless for a moment, staring at the ceiling without having any truly coherent thoughts. Cause it was still way too early for that. 

My alarm clock radio rang at 7:00 a.m., giving the start of the day an angry electric guitar tone. My uniform, which had been left on my desk chair the day before, was caught in the way to the bathroom.I was picking up my uniform that I had left on my office chair the day before. I tried to smooth out the wrinkles in my shirt and straighten out the spikes in my hair. I had no success in any of these tasks. 

As I took my jacket off the coat rack and put on my shoes my little sister called me from the kitchen :

“Haji, you’re not eating ? I made you a toast with…”

I took the food she handed me before my mother forbade her. However, a dark look from her made me understand the depths of her thoughts.

“Thanks Hana.”

A shy smile appeared on her lips.

“You’re not taking your bento with you?” she continued

“Don't worry, I'll manage for lunch.” I reassured her

There was no point in taking it. I knew there was obviously nothing in my bento. My mother stopped doing it the day Hana started school. It was her way of making me understand that I should no longer rely on her. I could only count on my check from “ Roses ” paycheck at the beginning of the month.

Why does she hate me that much, you ask ? 

Don’t ask. I don’t know too.

“Are you eating with your friends ?”

I only nodded once. I didn't want her to think I ignored her. I take the risk to get an apple from the fruit basket before heading towards the front door.

“See you tonight, Haji !”

“See ya.”

She will probably be in bed when I get home.

7:15 a.m. was displayed on my watch as I began to walk the streets that led me to the high school. Meaning I had three quarters of an hour left before classes started. I went to a convenience store to buy a sandwich for lunch and an energy drink. My purchases got along with the apple already in my backpack. 

A kiss that didn’t exist was placed on my cheek. Oikawa's mother must surely be saying goodbye to him. It disgusted me. Mama’s boy. 

Oddly enough, the only place that was accessible at that time at the school was its library. Every morning, I took a seat on a beanbag at the entrance, not wanting to be confused with those who worked on tables early in the morning. I didn't have their motivation even though I still had homework to do. I'll do them during lunch.

Like every morning, I picked up a random book that was on a coffee table to pretend to read. One morning, I had the amazing idea to not do that and I was expelled by the librarian. Cause I wasn’t doing anything in the library that couldn’ be done elsewhere… ? 

Except this time, the book I picked up wasn’t even about an interesting subject. I held in my hands: “Degrees after graduation without a diploma”. Great, exactly the subject I wanted to know more about right now.

“Hey Iwa !” a voice exclaimed as I turned the page to the cashier.

 I didn't look up even though I was frozen. The brunette took the place next to me as if I had asked him to do so.

“What are you reading ? You want to be… a chef ?” he asked.

Looking down, I saw an illustration in the book of a man with a hat who was making French pastries. I closed the book and looked at my watch. 7:53 a.m. Surely the classroom’s door must have been open.

I stood up and ignored the indignant look of the tall boy next to me. A few eyes rested on our duo, probably due to the fact that we were making too much noise. A person like him had no place in a library. It was impossible for him to be silent. I ignored them, it wasn't my problem.

I had 2 days left before it was my problem.

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

I was trying to do my math homework with one hand and eat my apple with the other when the brunette found me in the school’s garden. At first, I did as usual, that is to say, ignored his presence. It was pretty simple so far; he had barely taken his seat in front of me. Yet when the tremble of his leg began to shake the entire table I had to raise my head to give him a look worthy of my mother. Without any difficulty, I crossed his, which was sparkling.

“I just spoke with Mrs. Sato.” he began simply.

That was enough for me to understand what was implied. Mrs. Sato was my homeroom teacher. She must have told him about the tutoring. A cold sweat broke through me. 

I didn't say anything though. He couldn't know. I had to appear indifferent. 

“I didn't know school was that complicated for you. You could have…”

“If you pity me, I swear I'll strangle you with my own hands”

He was silent and looked down at the table for a few moments.

“Listen Iwa, I'm just here to…”

“Iwaizumi.”

I had to establish a distance between us. I had to. It would make things easier. 

This time he rolled his eyes. The shudder of his leg had stopped.

“We don't have much time left before the exams. I thought we could see each other 2 to 3 times a week and try to maintain this rhythm until they are over.” he stated

I felt him interlace his hands before they became visible. He then placed them on the table as if they didn’t just break my trail of thoughts. I didn't react, although I followed the movement with my gaze.

“I can’t. Only weekends” 

“Why ?”

We looked at each other. My emeralds met his dark topaz. I didn’t know him that well, but I knew him just enough to know he wouldn’t let it go anytime sooner. I admitted :

“I'm working.”

“But… But you’re a high school student. It's illegal.” he refuted 

“I’m 18.” I replied as if it was the answer to everything

I understood too late the stupidity of this response. He was going to make the connection of my age with my soul mate. Suddenly, an unpleasant glint came into the brunette's eyes. We were entering dangerous, slippery terrain. I had to get us away from it as quickly as possible.

“It’s in literature that I need…”

“Who is it ?” he cut me off

I didn't answer his question. However, it must have in some way because he continued.

“You know who it is but you don't like the person.”

I hesitated a second too long before shrugging my shoulders. He smiled.

“What is she like ? Blonde or brunette ? Small, tall ? Is she here ? Is she pretty ? Is she…

I muted his voice in my head. I had to appear calm, impeccably calm. He was never to know who it was. It was the same for me as it was for him. I turned my attention to a group of middle school students who were playing ball behind the gates that separated the middle school from the high school.

“You really don't like her.” Oikawa suddenly declared.

I quickly turned my head towards him without contradicting him.

“Is it because she's not good enough for you or because you're too shy to talk to her ?”

“It's not important.”

He laughed, throwing his head back and exposing some of the skin on his neck. Despite myself, my heart was the victim of another attack when I saw it. My hands became fists. It was all because of the link. When his laughter died down, his laughing smile was traded for  seriousness. I was wary of Oikawa in general, but I was especially wary when he had that expression on his face. He couldn’t be trusted. 

“I have nothing to gain by being your tutor. However, in exchange for my help I want to know who your soulmate is. I could even help you if you want. There's a good chance I know her.”

He finished his proposition with a well-placed wink. I could barely stop myself from sighing. The brunette was making things more difficult by being so… him.

“Why are you so interested anyway ?”

I already knew the answer to my question : Oikawa and his morbid need to know everything about everyone. That was the only reason why he was a member of the high school council.

“To see who is responsible for putting you in this state... You, the imperturbable student.”

I avoided his gaze so as not to betray anything that my face might display. He shouldn't have known how wrong he was. I wasn’t imperturbable, just well guarded. 

“Deal ?”

Honestly, whether I had my diploma or not it made no difference. I had always acted as if I wouldn't have it either way. If I said yes, it meant I would spend more time with Oikawa, which I was trying to avoid, and cheating the cover of my mysterious soulmate. If I said no, I was sure I wouldn't graduate and struggle to find work for the rest of my life.

I looked at the hand he held out to me across the table. Did soulmates feel it when they touched each other or did the connection fade away ?

I will have the answer to my question in 2 days.

I shook his hand like a businessman would do for a good deal.

“Your soulmate must be terrifying.”

“Something like that.” I mumbled

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

My teacher wasn't the only one who was surprised when I showed her my completed biology homework. Seeing my exercise book open on my lunch table, the brunette couldn't help but take a look.

“It’s drosophila, not discophila.” he laughed

He gave me the impression that it was the joke of the century when he wiped an imaginary tear from the corner of his eye. I just gritted my teeth, praying that the bell would ring soon. He wouldn't leave until then anyway, it was too much fun for him.

“Don’t you have someone else to piss off ?” I grumbled

“Nah. You’re the only one who has this much fun with.”

I tried not to think about this remark which could be interpreted differently.

It was even more frustrating when I realized that his explanations about my biology class were clearer than those of my teacher. I hadn't said anything about it, obviously. It was about my pride too, or at least the little I had left.

Once the end of the day bell stopped ringing I left the classroom as quickly as possible. I had finished putting on my shoes when someone tapped my shoulder. Glancing over it I was exasperated to see who it was. He held out his hand to me, demanding something from me that he didn't yet have... That is, a limited number of things.

“What do you want ?” 

A smile appeared on his lips. He must have put lip balm on them because they were shiny. This thought gave me goosebumps. It repelled me.

“Your number Iwa.”

My number ? In what dimension was he dreaming ?

“I'm not like that, Oikawa.”

The boy in front of me was perplexed for a few seconds, brows furrowed and lips pouting before he burst out laughing. Several people turned to stare at him, puzzled at his hilarity.

“Me too. It's for tutoring, idiot.”

Red colored my cheeks when I understood his intention. The insult seemed almost sweet from him. My relationship with Oikawa wasn't like that. It never will be. Oikawa wasn't gay, he was the most heterosexual guy in the area. Why was I even thinking about that ?

“Give me yours.” I replied instead.

“But you’re never going to send the first text.”

He sulked again.

“Stop asking questions and give it to me.”

I held out my hand, inflexible. He ended up placing it in the hollow of the latter. I made sure to ignore the warmth his fingertips brought as they slid across my palm as he placed the object there. I was cold, not hot.

“If had this much authority with your soulmate, no wonder she doesn't talk to you.” he grumbled

This remark made me want to roll my eyes.

I gave him his phone back while he continued to tell me that my “charisma” was already 6 feet under.

“Send me a text ! " he shouted when I was already far away.

People turned to stare at us.

Jerk.

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

My working hours at “ Roses ” passed rather quickly that night. The person with the shift after me had arrived early to work extra hours. I was back before the last buses stopped. It was royal. I will make up for these lost hours this weekend. For now I was just happy to have a longer night than usual. The lights in the living room were still shining brightly when I opened the front door. A brown head stuck out to see who had just appeared.

“Haji !” my little sister greeted me, jumping into my arms.

Her arms came around my chest and mine remained dangling. Why she liked physical contact so much and I avoided it was weird. I knew I had to take advantage of these moments before I became a “corny” big brother for her. I patted her head as she pulled away.

“You're coming home early tonight !”

“Yeah.’

“Do you want to play Uno with me ? Mom is really bad, she doesn't understand the rules.”

A glance into the living room and a dark look from the said person made me understand that it was, indeed, true. I struggled to suppress a sneer that was rising like a bubble in my throat. I nodded and my sister ran to redistribute the cards on the table.

The next 20 minutes were filled with the laughter of the youngest. As the latter launched another game, ghostly caresses fell on my heart like bird feathers. I breathed in to calm myself down and got up saying I was going to bed. I quickly retrieved my bag that had been left in the hall before quickly heading towards the bedroom.

My night was short. Slumberland wasn't coming to me or maybe my brain was too busy for me to let fatigue take over my thoughts. I had just one day left before the bond was reciprocated. There had to be a way to cancel it or at least counter it. No adult came to mind that I could ask for help. I was convinced that they would tell me that my soulmate was made for me and that I simply had to accept this connection between our two souls. Except that it was simply impossible. Oikawa and I can never be matched. Linked. We were too different, incompatible, subcontrary to each other. 

I was sure he would laugh heartily with me when he guessed. The alternative of him laughing about it with me calmed me down and I only then did I manage to get to sleep. 

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

Like every lunchtime, I was trying to do my math homework on a lunch table outside when suddenly the ghost resurfaced along my jaw. Damn, again ? The day before his birthday ? Couldn't he wait until tomorrow to do it ? I could have distracted him by putting my hand on my neck or something.

At first, I acted as if nothing had happened. I kept busy by torturing my brain with homework that I would never understand. Then my attention was gradually guided towards the fictitious sensations that the link gave me. The hands started by pulling my hair then moved down to my neck. Shivers accompanied this movement on my skin. 

I felt a gentle touch for a moment before it suddenly became brutal. It wasn't even pleasant, it just felt like my lips were being sucked. I was pretty sure a tongue wasn't supposed to do that .

For the moment, I couldn't distract him via the link though... I took my phone out of my jacket pocket.

← To: Oikawa

Do you have the answer for this exercise ?

*image attached*

The feeling of having my face sucked stopped immediately. It only took a few seconds for me to get a response.

→ From: Oikawa

Is this really the first text you sent me ?

← To: Oikawa

Yes or no

No answer appeared, but the ghost did not return. Nevertheless, this mess still didn't help me solve the exercise I had in front of me. What were they doing now ? I understood their silence a few minutes later when the brunette placed himself in front of me on the table. I couldn’t help but notice that his lips were slightly puffy due to his little session and his eyes sparkled like those of a child.

“Oh. You were busy, my bad.” I commented

I supported my point by scratching my neck with the tip of my pen. I wasn't sorry at all actually. 

“ Who cares, I'm here now. Show me.”

 After a minute of frowning on his part I began to doubt his abilities as a tutor. He rested his head in the palm of his hand, like he usually did in class. I couldn't bring myself to take my eyes off him. I was thinking of an excuse if his gaze met mine when he suddently grunted.

Huh... Uh... What now ?

The brunette pushed the notebook away.

“You'll have to ask someone else. Iwa ?”

I nodded slowly, staring into space. I barely understood what he had just said to me.

“Earth to Iwa ? Hello ? Are you with me?”

“No. Yeah. Yes. Leave me alone.”

His frown was suddenly directed at me. He burst out laughing and my cheeks turned red.

“Did you just dissociate or something ? What’s wrong… Your soulmate ! What did she do ?” he exclaimed

I froze. A silent red alarm suddenly appeared on the other side of my forehead. It was my turn to frown.

“Nothing. She did absolutely nothing.” I panicked while trying to keep an even tone 

“Remember our deal, Iwa. I will help you in exchange for information and…”

“You didn't help just now.”

He bit the inside of his cheek, annoyed. He even crossed his arms. All he needed to do was look in the opposite direction to be the cliché of a disgruntled child.

“And last time with your discophila , huh ?” he countered

“You just had to ask me then.”

His dried lips subtly parted when he heard me.

“That’s unfair”

“Life’s unfair. Get used to it.” 

The distance between his upper and lower lip grew slightly.

“You're going to have to soften up if you want to have a conversation with a girl one day... Especially with your soul mate, bro.”

A snicker escaped my throat.

“Don’t bro me. There is no need.”

There was a pause.

“How so ?” asked the surprised brunette 

I shrugged my shoulders as I explained to him that I wasn't planning to live with her .

“You… You’re planning to live alone all your life ?”

I shrugged my shoulders again 

“If it has to be that way. I will find someone like me.”

“But your soulmate… Does she know it’s you ?”

I moved my head from left to right. It was quite funny to talk about it with the person concerned without them knowing.

“But maybe she will…”

“Oikawa, there is not even a slight chance that anything will happen between my soulmate and I. Ever”

He suddenly stopped moving. His gaze escaped mine and became speechless. His arms relaxed to rest on his thighs. I hated knowing that when his hands were invisible under the table. However, I didn't need to see it to know it.

I gritted my teeth.

“Maybe with time it will be possible ? She will come back eventually. She is your…”

“Not everyone is a hopeless romantic like you.” I whistled under my breath as I put my things away.

I left the brown-haired behind while he was looking at the table with empty eyes, his arms still hanging at his sides. From an outsider point of view, one would surely think that I had just announced the death of a loved one to him.

I didn't care. He would understand the day after tomorrow, everything would make sense to him too. Only then will he realize how much it is possible for your soulmate to be a bad match. 

How ill-matched we were to each other. 

He will tell me how right I was.

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

That evening Alexei was once again seated at my table at the “ Roses » when I made my appearance. Glancing over my shoulder I saw my boss nodding. I had no choice. 

I took a seat oppose to the russian mathematician. He greeted me coldly, the corners of his lips remaining static and his eyes deserted. However, I could feel a complete relaxation in the composure of his facial expression. I pretended to take the bottle that was resting on the surface but he was faster than me.

“ Hello Charles.”

I nodded subtly.

“Hello Alexei. How are you ?”

The client was a little more talkative than during our first meeting. He shared with me his impressions of the city and wondered about our customs and traditions. Although I told him several times that I was not in the best position to answer his questions, he continued to listen attentively to what I had to say to him.

Even though it wasn't like me, I found myself talking to him about my life as a local high school student. He compared what I said with his own experience as a Russian high schooler. An idea suddenly popped in my head. I took my cell phone out of my pocket to find the photo I had taken of our classroom a few months ago when he interrupted me. My finger had just slid across the screen, showing my most recent photo. For the first time in my life I was embarrassed by my clumsy writing.

“Are these derivatives ?”

I nodded, reluctant.

“There is an error there. Look if you do…” he continued

He gave me the answer to my math problem before getting up to leave. I was stunned, to say the least. Words failed me so I decided to simply thank him. He brushed aside my thanks with a frank wave of his hand. I watched him leave, still amazed at his help.

The clients afterward were a continuous flow that I didn't take the time to notice. When I got home, showered and ready to sleep I briefly removed the airplane mode I had put on before going to work. Only one message appeared in my notification bar.

→ From: Oikawa

I think I found the answer to your maths homework.

He was too late. It turns out our roles were going to be reversed and I would be his tutor. I chuckled softly.

← To: Oikawa

No need, someone already explained to me.

I pressed airplane mode again as I felt the object vibrate again. That could wait until tomorrow. That night, the ghost did not appear and I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

҉ ҉

Chapter Text

Chapter 3

Iwaizumi’s POV

The next day wasn't out of the ordinary if disregarded the fact that Oikawa had never kissed the blonde as much as he did today. It didn't bother me, of course. The only downside was that it kept me from focusing on my own task. I was talking to some clients that he was still at school, having fun with her. Seriously, couldn't he wait until tomorrow to do his stupid things ?

I ignored the confused stares of the two girls in front of me as an unreal palm landed on my chest. One of the customers placed her own hand on my arm while asking if I was okay. I retorted something people like her loved, and the rest of the evening passed without too many blanks on my part. The person who had felt up the brunette hadn't gone beyond kissing the neck, biting the earlobe, pressing hands against the abdomen. As far as I was concerned, I found that was already enough to be distracted. Oikawa must have been pleased with himself.

Which is why I was surprised when the ghost showed up just as I was trying to fall asleep. A salty curse summed up my reaction. Hadn't he had his quota for the day ? It wasn't as if he lacked physical or emotional contact. He was constantly being touched by others, whether innocently or deliberately. The brunette hardly noticed. Was this guy a magnet for others or what ? Maybe the problem was me. We were polar opposite.

I turned on the other side of my bed and closed my eyes again. 

Maybe he hadn't meant to. It happened to everyone to touch their pelvic bones. He must have been wearing his pajamas. It was thanks to the connection that I had become aware of the number of small gestures, touches that we made, and gave without meaning to. The connection made us think that...

The ghost reappeared again. This time closer to the inside of his thigh. My body was no longer distracted by anything else. I only had that to listen to at these hours. I was tempted to send a message to Oikawa but I had nothing to say to him. I just had to wait for it to pass.

He traced his collarbone with his fingertips before repeating the action with the hollow of his neck. He rested his hand on that spot for a few seconds before moving down. He always started like that, as if those were a sensitive area for him. I tried to brush it off, but I wasn't feeling very confident myself. It was unsettling to experience those sensations when I was alone in the room.

The further his hand fell along my torso, the hotter it seemed to get. I kept my eyes open because I didn't want any of this. The sensations were only in my head; they existed nowhere else. Nowhere else but on the body of my soulmate, Oikawa.

The hand reached its destination far too quickly and grabbed its find. It ran over it gently, hesitant. But I knew the hardest part was yet to come because he wasn't going to keep this pace up for long.The difference between our two bodies was becoming increasingly difficult to make out. It was as if the line between the two blurred at that moment.

I gritted my teeth. No, I didn't want that.

Yet, I caught my own hand approaching my crotch. At first it hadn't been intentional. It was simply following the movements of those who were invisible. However, when I finally realized what it was doing, I didn't try to stop it. Maybe for tonight, just this once, I could let myself be tempted too. My body needed it too. It was normal for someone my age, and it wasn't like I really had a choice. I was in control of the situation.

Not without trying to push it away, I copied the movements of the ghostly hand. When it quickened its pace. I bit my forearm to prevent a moan from escaping my lips. Why did it have to change the speed ? It was fine the way it was. Even though I was mentally prepared for this change, physically it was another story. I felt betrayed when I realized that the new rhythm was far from displeasing my crotch. I was so hot it made me dizzy. No, I just had a headache, that's all.

Fucking Oikawa with his damn hands.

I'll think about it later. It could wait.

Still, he was pretty good with his hands.

At this thought, my heart raced even faster and my lungs were struggling to keep up with the frantic pace the brunette was imposing on me. It didn't take much for me to cross that line and get the reward. I just had to keep going a little bit... I felt exactly the moment Oikawa crossed the line. I closed my eyes abruptly and saw stars replace my ceiling. I followed his example in the seconds that followed.

It… It had never been this intense before. I mean, it was nice, yes, but we weren't even on the same page. As I slowly caught my breath, I heard my phone vibrate against the surface of my hair. I grumbled, thinking I'd put it on airplane mode when I saw the name on the screen. Against my better judgment, I accepted the call.

“What do you want ?”

“What if it was someone like you, Iwa ?” my interlocutor sobbed.

My train of thought, which had been somewhat damaged by this activity, was suddenly broken. My heart, meanwhile, was plummeting into my stomach. Oh shit, what time was it ? I glanced at the clock. 11:49 PM.

“What ?” I simply replied.

“What if my soulmate doesn't want me ?”

“But I… Why are you calling me ?”

I had trouble keeping up with his mood swing.We had just gone from euphoria to total stress. My eyelids were starting to droop. My body had managed to give me a little energy to see heaven for a couple of seconds. Now it was begging me to sleep.

“You're the first one I've met who seems so disappointed in their soulmate. What if she's like you ? Am I going to live alone all my life ?”

The world was going upside down.

“My case is not a fact.”

I spoke as if I wasn't the main person concerned. I spoke like those I hated the most, the hypocrites. Through the receiver, I could hear that my words hadn't reassured him.

“You have been yapping on and on about your busty blonde model for ages. Something changed your mind ?”

I was digging my own grave. I'd worry about that later. He'd never know it was me anyway.

“I don't know. What you said to me made me think.”

“Don't think any further, you’re risking getting sunstroke.”

This response was rewarded with laughter.

“That's not how it works, Iwa. Sunstroke is caused by overexposure to…”

“ Fine. Fine. You understand what I meant, right ?” I grumbled.

He answered me with a mocking "no." His breathing slowed down until there was no trace of sobs in his voice.

“Did I wake you up ?” he ended up asking

“No.”

I couldn't sleep because of you, I wanted to tell him. It was weird. I had my phone pressed to my ear. I was lying on my back like a starfish. All I needed was to take a shower because of the sweat and the white substance sticking to my stomach. Despite myself, I was blushing. This call was bordering on intimate after what I had just done with Oikawa. And he had no idea.

“Hey, Iwa… Can I ask you a question ?”

“You're already asking me one.”

I heard him sigh on the other end of the line and became aware of an invisible hand running through my hair. It felt rather nice.

“Where are you working ?”

I inhaled sharply. For no apparent reason, discomfort suddenly covered me.

He would ask the same question again when he didn't hear my answer. A few seconds later, he would make up that it was just an excuse not to see him.

“…Or maybe you're a stripper in a nightclub…” he continued

“Stripper ?” I interrupted him.

“I'm even sure you're very successful. Girls love guys who have a hard look that nails you to the spot. And with your abs, you're already wreaking havoc in high school, so if you don't have anything to cover them up in clubs, you must get a lot of tips. I swear sometimes I'm almost jealous of you because they're so…”

The red that had previously colored my cheeks suddenly became brighter.

“Can you hear yourself talk, Oikawa ? That's the biggest bullshit you've ever said…”

“Isn't that then ? Maybe you're just a cashier in a store.”

“Actually, you weren't that far from the truth with…” I answered before even thinking about the consequences

“You’re a stripper ???” he exclaimed

I pulled the phone away from my ear too late to escape his screams. Even though the phone was at least a foot away from me, I could hear the brunette's voice, hysterical. The sobs I'd been treated to as a greeting were a far cry. With a sigh, I pulled the phone closer to me and wasn't surprised to hear that he was still talking even though he hadn't received any response from me.

“…and have you ever had sex with a client ? Several at once ? Were they from high school…”

“ Are you going to let me finish or not ?” I grumbled.

He suddenly fell silent.My ear thanked him for this silence which I knew was short-lived. Seeing that I didn't continue my sentence, he asked :

“Stripper ?”

“No. I work as a host in a club .” I confessed.

As embarrassing as it was being a host, being a stripper was even more embarrassing for me.

“You ? A host ?”

He laughed. I hung up. The muscles in my cheeks would burst if any more blood flowed to them. The brunette called me back twice, but I didn't take his call. That was enough humiliation in one evening.

Instead, I went to take a shower. When I came back, I found several messages in my notification center.

→ From: Oikawa

Answer my call !

→ From: Oikawa

Are you embarrassed or did I offend you?

→ From: Oikawa

You talk so little that it's hard to imagine you making conversation. Especially if it's to flirt with someone else... Have you been doing this for a long time ?

→ From: Oikawa

That was rude of me. What you do with your clients is none of my business. Does it pay well at least ? I might even try myself hahaha

→ From: Oikawa

Please answer me

The last message came several minutes after the first ones. I stared at the second-to-last one, unsure how to respond.

← To: Oikawa

Having you as a client must be one of the most horrible things this world has to offer. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

→ From: Oikawa

Not as a guest, but as a host. I'm sure I'd have more guests than you ( •̀ᴗ•́ )و ̑̑

← To: Oikawa

You're rich until you're buried. Why bother with extra work ?

→ From: Oikawa

To prove to you that I'm always right.

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

I had almost made it into the classroom when a voice I was beginning to recognize well enough called my name.

“Iwa ! Iwa ! Iwaizumi ! Hey !”

It must have been innate in him to make so much noise. I couldn't think of any other explanation. I turned around sharply to reprimand him. Why did he have to be so loud all the time ?

The dark look I gave him only made him smile.

“You don’t check your phone in the morning ?”

I do.. I just didn't want to answer him. 

His intelligence had to be focused on certain things only. He had texted me around 3 a.m. to tell me that his soulmate had hit their head. After reading his message, I didn't fall asleep again until an hour later.

“I still don't understand why you're talking to me about this.” I simply retorted

I turned to walk away. I couldn't because he had just grabbed my forearm. 

Oh fuck no.

I pulled away from his grip as if the mere touch had burned me.

“Don't touch me, moron.”

I barely had time to see his frown before I had disappeared into the classroom. The next few hours were taken up with my growing anxiety. Which was confusing because I was not an anxious person. I didn't think about it, I did it directly. Every one of my movements was considered so that there would be absolutely no chance of my fingertips brushing against my skin. It was exhausting and by the time noon struck I was starting to get a pounding headache. It was then I realized that it would be impossible for me to live the rest of my life like this. Perhaps getting rid of the link completely was ambitious, there had to be at least a moment to blur it.

During lunch break, I headed for the school's exit gates instead of its desks. I had to get out of here. 

→ From: Oikawa

Let’s eat together ?

The next step seemed logical to me. Since I didn't have any adults to really explain the weak points on the link, I had to find out for myself... in a library. I almost shuddered when I walked through the doors of the building. The aisles were mostly empty of customers, probably because of the time and the day. I quickly glided through them, finding no relevant section titles for the subject I was looking for. They must have something somewhere.

“Can I help you, young man ? I've seen you spinning around for a while…” said a female voice behind me.

I turned around to see a woman in her thirties walking towards me. 

I froze.

“Yuzu ?”

“Charles ?”

Before me stood Yuzu in her library worker uniform. Although glasses and dangling earrings adorned her face, it could only be her. My eyes fell on her badge to read a name I wouldn't remember. The image of the divorced businesswoman faded from my mind. Her face mirrored mine. Surprise transformed our respective features.

“You’re a high school student ? But… Shouldn't you be in class right now ?”

She looked shocked by this information. She couldn't seriously believe the nonsense I told her when she came to the " Roses ". The story of me being a waiter in an Italian restaurant. 

“Where can I find books that talk about the bond ?” I chose to retort.

“The soulmates bond ?”

I nodded and avoided her inquisitive gaze at all costs. She didn't ask me any further questions. I followed her to the beginning of one of the very first shelves I'd visited. The librarian asked if there was anything in particular that interested me. I was going to tell her "no" until I decided otherwise.

“Actually, I'd like to find a way to get rid of it.”

My interlocutor's eyebrows shot up to the top of her head. She crossed her arms.

“Get rid of the link ? Why ? You don't like the person ?”

Yuzu looked like she'd suddenly grown a few inches taller. I wasn't budging on my request, though.

“Or at least blur it, soften it.” I continued, nonchalantly.

The expression on Yuzu's face grew stricter.I just wanted her to give me direction, not judge me.

“Charles. You're incredibly lucky to have found your soulmate. People spend their entire lives looking for them, yet they never find them because they're either on another continent or dead. You're young, that's why you don't realize what you're saying. You…”

“I'll find a way whether you help me or not.” I cut her off

An invisible hand came to rest in the hollow of my jaw. Oikawa. This was always how it started before they kissed.

“Explain to me why you want to break it.”

“Does that mean there is a way ?”

The librarian remained speechless. I felt as though she was scrutinizing me like a rat scrutinized by a scientist. I was not going to tell her about my real life, the one I had tried so hard to hide when I worked at " Roses ". And yet...

“There's no way anything's going on with her. I just want some information, Yuzu.”

The thirty-year-old woman eyed me up and down before squatting down to pull out a book from the back of the shelf. It looked thin and rather old. I tried to take it, but she snatched it from my hands.

“This book will tell you how to soften the bond but not how to undo it. I don't know if they are reliable or if they have proven themselves for your case since they are so rare.

She held the book out to me but wouldn't let go even when I held the other end of it.

“Please think about it. The bond is a real gift of nature. When it’s gone, it takes a part of you with it…”

Yuzu suddenly appeared to me in a different light, this time more dim and certain than the one she had shown me before. As she turned around, she was careful not to let her gaze meet mine.

The book, The whims of the link , I was holding was light and a little yellowed by time. I went to sit down at one of the tables provided and just stared at the front cover. The techniques that the book was going to cover were perhaps old-fashioned and barbaric. It seems I was going to reap more trouble than I already had… Actually I don’t really know what other bad turn my life could take. Yuzu's reaction made me think except that my consideration was interrupted by an unpleasant sensation attached to my lips.

Fucking Oikawa with his girlfriend.

Without hesitation, I opened the book to leaf through it. Its contents were divided into two parts. The first, and largest, discussed the origins of the bond, its many effects on oneself and the other. The second, smaller and more discreet, discussed its flaws and how to overcome them. It was relieving, I would even dare say reassuring, to see that someone else had already been in my situation.

1. The origin of the link
2. Its many advantages and its small disadvantages
3. Is our soulmate necessarily well chosen ?
4. How do you know for sure you've found your soulmate ?
5. Does the bond fade when you touch your soulmate, misfortune or gift ?
6. True or False, the more your soulmate is present in your life, the more the bond fades ?
7. How to reduce the effects of the link.

I wasn't even tempted to read the first part. I knew there was no explanation for the connection because it had always been like that. I also knew the many disadvantages, which to them were advantages, that resulted from this bond. I didn't want to learn why our soulmate was our perfect half. Yes, I was convinced that Oikawa was my soulmate. I wished I never had to touch him to give my own comments on chapter 5, nor on number 6. The only chapter I was interested in was 7. th .

« … It may happen that the person we are connected to is unapproachable, immoral. Nothing is more unpleasant than being close to someone we cannot force ourselves to appreciate. That is why I sought a way to make this connection between our two souls more pleasant.As I went along, I found different activities that had a mitigating effect and which, depending on the activity, did not have the same degree of mitigating effect. It should be noted that some of these activities can have a harmful effect in the long term, which is why I advise you not to… »

My eyes skimmed over that part; I had no need to read it.

«… Tobacco also has a very effective effect. In the long term, its use has many repercussions on your physical, mental, and psychological health. This is why I would advise you to turn to gentler methods as proposed above. Although it is the most dangerous, it is also unfortunately the most effective. You only need a few cigarettes a day to have a spontaneous effect. However, this rhythm can be lost quickly due to the addiction that can occur when faced with such a substance. Nicotine is … »

I was torn between the joy of having found the solution to my question and the sadness the answer brought me. Maybe I should talk to Oikawa about it and we can work it out together... But I could already see this plan going wrong a mile away. I didn't have many options. It's not like the pineapple juice and exhaustive running the author had recommended was going to have any real effect. There had to be something else... Although the book had a questionable appearance, it was the only solution to my problem for the moment. It was the only valid explanation for why I found myself buying a pack of cigarettes at a magazine shop. 

I had everything to learn and nothing to lose.

 ҉ ҉

Chapter Text

Chapter 4

Iwaizumi's pov

For a reason that was still unknown to me, I moved closer to the school once the pack of cigarettes was purchased. Well, I think a part of my subconscious knew. I was going to do something I didn't know in a place I didn't know. It seemed more bearable to do something I didn't know in a place I knew. I sat down on a bench next to the bus stop in front of the school. I was way too far to be visible and recognized by the students.

An invisible hand rested on the hollow of my cheek.

Without really thinking about it, I slid my hand along my forearm, following the path of a vein with my fingertips. A few seconds later, invisible fingers followed my trail. Despite myself, shivers appeared on the back of my neck. It wasn't as if I had control over my body's own reactions. I felt as if it had become only half mine since I came of age.

I was beginning to understand the captivating appeal of the link. It was almost as if we carried a part of our other half with us at all times. I could never feel as close to someone as I did with him . It was unfair. I didn’t want it to be him .

I clutched the hand that held the pack I'd just bought. Could he feel the rectangle in my hand ? Was I really going to start smoking to keep myself from feeling what I'd wanted my whole life? Connection and human warmth.

My phone vibrated in my pocket.

→ From: Oikawa

She just touched my arm !

Yes. I was about to start smoking because it hadn't even been a full day since the bridge between us existed and my nerves were already on edge. I wasn't going to be able to spend the rest of my life like this.

At least, that's what I was trying to convince myself. However, when I put the cigarette between my lips, I wasn't so sure anymore. It wasn't a cigarette that was going to change my life; its only role was to bring back the distance of link between him and I could always stop whenever I wanted. I  would smoke out of spite, not desire. My life wasn't at stake, I was just doing this to make it easier. That's what I kept telling myself as my hand holding the lighter shook to light the little cylinder.

On my first puff, the smoke didn't even have time to go past my throat before it was spat out. I felt like I was being burned from the inside out. I started again, taking my time. The smoke had time to reach my lungs before it was coughed out. I was not a natural. Was I really going to have to do this every day ?

However, as the cylinder gradually shrank I felt its effects. My heart beat slightly slower, my thoughts seemed to become calmer and the constant drone of worry about the link subsided. When I crushed the butt on the ground, I was half skeptical and half surprised. If I felt its effects now, I wouldn't have to smoke as often as the book indicated.

As if I'd ordered it, the end-of-class bell suddenly rang. Another vibration could be felt in my pocket. Except I already knew who it was, so I didn't bother looking at the message.

“Iwa !”

I quickly moved away from the bench with the purpose of getting to “Roses” as quickly as possible.

“Iwaizumi, wait !”

People turned around. I stopped to do as he asked...shouted even. I could hear him running towards me.

“Iwa you …”

“Stop shouting. You're being loud for nothing.”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a grimace appear on his face. I took a step forward and the brunette copied me.

“Go home.”

To reinforce my point, I headed straight to my workplace without even glancing his way. Not knowing what to do with my hands, I took out my phone. On the notification bar, I saw the message I had received a few minutes earlier.

→ From: Oikawa

Wait for me

I quickly put the object in my pocket. I heard footsteps trying to be silent behind me. After another sigh, I turned to see Oikawa.

“What do you want ?”

He avoided my gaze. The brunette acted as if the car passing us was something worthy of his greatest interest. He had his hands in his pockets and was holding his jacket in his arms. The tallest of us was stumbling.due to uneven groundHe was falling.

- Oikawa.

His eyes bored into mine. His cheeks were flushed red. He held out his hand to me, and I just stared at it.

- Help me. he said simply.

As if it were that simple. Ha.

- Why are you following me?

Eye contact abruptly broke. I saw him bite his cheek, a habit he had when he was sulking. I waited for the sensation to repeat itself in my own mouth, but nothing came. I was deafened for a moment. Had the cigarette really worked?

- I was just going in the same direction… Why are you smiling?

I shrugged. It wasn't like he could understand the situation. I asked my question again.

- It's not common to see you smile, it's been...

It made me lose my smile when I heard it.

- Oikawa. I cut him off

He stood up of his own accord and brushed imaginary dust off his pants. There was no way I was wasting another minute. I was going to be late. I could clearly hear his footsteps following me, but I pretended they didn't exist. I only turned my head when he was at my side again as I waited for the crosswalk light to turn green.

- I'm following you. he finally admitted to me.

I rolled my eyes but didn't reply, shoving my clenched fists deeper into my pockets. It was no use telling him to stop. He was going to do it anyway, whether I liked it or not. The upside was, at least he wasn't doing it behind my back.

As a greeting to my boss, I pointed at the brunette, telling him that the guy had been following me since high school. I left to change in the locker room, not without giving the brunette a dirty look, who was starting to plead his case. Aiko was sure to throw him out. Oikawa was too loud, too narcissistic to be a host.

I put on a green shirt that matched my eyes, along with black pants. The thin black ring and my watch were back in place when I left the locker room. The pair of girls who came often were once again sitting at my table. I hid my annoyance as best I could. One of them was asking me to roll up the sleeve of my shirt when a coppery flash appeared in my field of vision.

I thought I was dreaming when Oikawa walked past me, a satisfied smile plastered across his handsome face. I mean, Oikawa and the word "handsome" didn't belong in the same train of thought, but there was something more than usual. Looking at him more closely, I realized that his face seemed brighter and his eyes seemed clearer. He was dressed simply in a white shirt and brown pants. Yet it seemed to make all the difference.

I swallowed. What was he doing here?

The mirage he projected disappeared when he came to take my place at my table.

- Good evening, ladies.

My gaze became as murderous as his was sparkling.

- Your shirt is the same color as your eyes.he pointed out to me.

I was about to tell him to go and piss off someone else when one of the customers interrupted me:

- Do you know Charles?

I knew from the glittering eyes that "Charles" was going to become a constant source of ridicule. He didn't belong here, in this place. He didn't belong. At least, that's what I kept telling myself as the customers cooed in his arms.

- What were you discussing with Charles ?

A quick glance in my direction made me clench my fists. I hid them under the table to hide my displeasure.

- I asked him if the veins in his forearms were visible.

The brunette nodded. He turned his face in my direction, urging me to continue. I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes, so much for professionalism. I finally did as I was asked. Suddenly, one of the customers placed a finger on my wrist, and I pulled away so violently that you'd think she'd burned me. She and her friend stared at me with wide eyes, not understanding my reaction.

- I… I don't like being touched. I ended up telling them

The inquisitive stare of the brunette opposite me made my stomach churn. How long did the effects of a cigarette last? Had he felt it? Was I really going to have to live the rest of my life constantly worrying like this? What a pain. However, when I met Oikawa's eyes, I no longer found this comment ridiculous.

I bet he'd bring it up again the next time we spoke.

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

- What time are you coming home tomorrow?

Huh, two what?

- What ?

The brunette makes a "tsk" sound with his lips.

- We say "how" when we're polite, Iwa. I was asking what time you were coming tomorrow?

- What are you talking about, moron?

I knew exactly what he was talking about, yet I had hoped he'd forgotten. As if Oikawa was the type to forget anything. He was leaning against the locker next to mine, arms crossed, lips pouting. The collar of his shirt had been unbuttoned one button, revealing a smudge of lipstick on his collarbone for anyone who cared to see it. I squeezed the door of my locker a little tighter.

- Why are you so angry so early in the morning?

The door I was holding in my hands slammed shut in response. I could hear him whistling behind me. It was unbearable.

- Leave me alone. I repeated for the third time already.

- Not until you give me an answer.

Part of the reason I didn't give him any was because the price I paid for his help was high. For every tutoring session with him, I had to answer one of his questions. His questions would almost certainly involve the identity of my soulmate, which was quite dangerous given the situation I found myself in. And yet...

- Can I come to the library around 4 p.m.?

The brunette shook his head.

“It’s too noisy there. We won’t be able to concentrate,” he retorted.

I silently cursed. I didn't want to be alone in his presence. It was even worse than this evening at his place. However, there was no way this was happening at my place. Besides that, I didn't know any other place besides the library that didn't scream "date" like a neon sign on the ceiling.

So, after crushing my cigarette butt under the sole of my shoe and expelling the remaining smoke from my lungs, I pushed open the gate of the Oikawa family's large house. A narrow path wound through a well-kept garden that led to a front door. In the distance, I could see a garage with so many cars that they couldn't all be driven daily. I rolled my eyes when I saw them.

As I waited for someone to open the front door, my hand touched the newly purchased silver bracelet. It had been a quick and almost thoughtless purchase at a jewelry store that was having a complete clearance sale. If you follow theinstructions/sayings of theold library book, money was a material that acted as a slight barrier between the two soulmates.

The problems with it were:

1. The material in question was not as well known for its effectiveness as cigarettes.
2. I didn't know yetits limits
3. I bought the jewelry so cheaply that I would be surprised if it was real silver.
4. It was just a simple bracelet

I raised my fist to knock again as the door slowly opened. An unfamiliar face greeted me and told me to enter the mansion. As we progressed through a long corridor of doors, the butler stopped in front of one and gestured for me toknock.What planet are we on? That idiot Oikawa can't even drag himself to the front door to welcome me into his home?

A "come in" was heard behind the door, which I opened before I even heard his answer. I crossed the threshold and discovered a spacious room that must have been at least twice the size of mine. The room was large, but it seemed empty and cold. My eyes fell on a shape of orange fur on the sofa. I saw the long ears and the brown pupils. Then, after my eyes had finished ricocheting off the animal, they stumbled upon the figure standing beside him. He wore nothing more ordinary than a large white t-shirt, loose sports shorts, and glasses that rested on his nose. I stopped in my tracks, my hand still on the doorknob.

- Yes ?

When there was no response, the brunette raised his head from his book as if surprised by my sudden entrance. His hand, which had been resting on the dog's head, stopped. He looked so...docile/ cozy as it was.

- Ah, it's you. You're early.

I stood frozen in place. My heart was racing, making the blood rush to my ears too quickly. A frown broke the harmony of his face.

- What's wrong? Are you afraid of dogs?

The cocker spaniel raised his head due to the interruption of petting. He stared at me with an intelligent gaze rarely found in dogs. I swallowed, stared at the garden outside his window, and shook my head.

- It's Isha, she won't hurt you.

Oikawa resumed his caresses on her head. Tenderness seemed to drain from his eyes as he looked at her.

-Will you let me finish my chapter before we start?

I nodded, not trusting my voice enough to betray me. I opted for the desk chair, the place that seemed most appropriate to sit in a room that had never been visited. The minutes that followed proved to be as long as the minutes spent " Roses " with customers I didn't like. I could hear the reader turning the pages of his book as he read, getting on my nerves for some reason I didn't yet understand.

- Don't you have any hobbies? the brunette interrupted me.

- Yes.

His desk was behind his sofa, and he turned his head to look at me out of the corner of his eye. He didn't say anything, but I understood that he was waiting for my further response.

- I like physical exercise.

He turned more, putting his torso against the back of the sofa.

- Is that all?

It wasn't judgment in his voice, more like surprise.

- I like to cook too, I added, shrugging.

When he realized I wasn't going to continue, he rested his head in the palm of one hand. His glasses pushed up slightly because of the new pressure on his cheek.

- Have you tried reading?

I shook my head.

- Have you ever tried at least? he sighed.

I remained stoic. Faced with my reaction, he huffed slightly before getting up from the couch and stretching. The white fabric of his t-shirt rode up slightly, but unlike in the movies, no skin was visible. He moved away to get closer to a wall that held multiple shelves containing hundreds of books that I hadn't noticed when I entered. Oikawa didn't look long before pulling a book from the horde.present/ at this location.

- Here, read this one.

He threw the book at me, certain that I would catch it at the other end of his room. I turned the book over to discover Percy Jackson, the Lightning Thief . I raised my head. The brunette was observing my reaction.

- Non.

- You'll like it. The main character is… entertaining.

I put the book back on the desk.

- I didn't come here for you to give me books to read. I retorted.

- You should, you can learn a lot of things by reading.

He showed a smile that didn't hide any mischievousness. I felt like something intimate was happening, the air between us had turned into a warm current.

I was the first to look away, trying to deflect my embarrassment by fiddling with the new piece of jewelry on my wrist. The movement unfortunately caught his attention.

- I didn't think you were a bracelet guy.

I froze and decided to take a notebook out of my bag so I wouldn't have to answer him. The taller one revived a few seconds later and positioned himself beside me with a chair. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a slight frown from him, but I decided not to answer it.

- What can I help you with?

He could help me by taking off his messed-up glasses. Of course, I couldn't say that, so I'd give my biology lecture instead. He'd skim-read my lecture before leaning over a blank sheet of paper and writing. I'd watch him do it without asking what he was doing because he'd be so happy if I took an interest in him.

- Answer these questions.

It was my turn to frown.

- But I didn't understand the lesson, I can't answer the questions.

- Answer what you think is right, we will correct it together.

I made as if to pick up my notebook that was in front of him. He quickly placed his hand on mine when he understood my intention and pushed it away. I raised my face to look at him, my expression dominating another.

- Without your course, you can only use your head.

He didn't flinch under my murderous stare. It actually seemed to amuse him, as a smile appeared on his lips. I grumbled but eventually did as I was told. While I struggled to answer his twisted questions, the brunette reopened his book. With his crossed legs and his concentrated expression, he projected a completely different image from the one I knew from high school.

- Are you finished? he asked me.

Instead of answering, I stared back at my crossed-out copy, half-filled with poorly written letters. No further explanation came to me, and the page remained mostly blank. Another page of the book was turned before he put it on the desk. He must have been the type of person who didn't need a bookmark to remember where he left off.

Against all odds, Oikawa didn't show any mockery of my shortcomings. I was even surprised that he was so invested in making sure I understood my course well. He drew diagrams as if he had already done this kind of thing. He certainly had. He had already had to tutor a good number of students to tackle the heart of the problem. For my part, he told me that I should avoid copying my lessons in the future and instead do them in the form of drawings and mind maps to save time. And I confess... I confessed that I had never thought about it.

He was reading, concentrating on the lines of his book lying flat on the desk while I answered a third questionnaire he had developed. When he placed his hand on his neck and my body responded with a start and shivers, I decided it was time for me to leave. I stood up quickly, catching Oikawa and his dog off guard, both of whom raised their heads to look at me. If I hadn't been in such a hurry to leave, their twin reactions would have made me laugh.

- Don't you want us to correct it together?

- I have to go home.

The brunette nodded slowly. As I put my last notebook back in my bag, he spoke again.

- We said that in exchange for my help I was entitled to a question?

I froze, then slung a strap of my bag over my shoulder. I had to pretend nothing was wrong. I nodded, widening the space between us.

- I changed my mind.

I turned around.

- I won't ask you any questions, but you have to read this book for our next review session and give me a report.

Silence reigned for a moment. I thought I was dreaming when he handed me the book I had carefully left on his desk.

- Are you giving me homework? I just retorted.

His arm sagged slightly, matching the expression on his face.

- It's for your knowledge, for your literary knowledge and so that you're less boring.

His eyes were shifty as mine searched for his. I could hardly believe what he was holding out to me.

- Or if you prefer, I would like to know if you know your...

- If I do it, you won't ask any questions? I interrupted him.

- You have my word.

I stared at him for a few moments before sighing and picking up the book.

- I don't know what I did to make the subject of soulmates uncomfortable, but... I want you to learn to trust me.

He scratched his neck with one hand, embarrassed. I was having a hard time not reacting as his action repeated itself on my body. The effects of the cigarette on the bond must have lasted about two hours. As for the bracelet, it had a simple anesthetic effect. Perhaps the more silver I wore as jewelry, the more the bond would fade. I had promised myself not to touch the money I had obtained because I was saving it, so I would have to buy my next charm the following month.

I buried the book unceremoniously in my bag and a grimace appeared on its owner's face.

- Please take care of it.

I rolled my eyes and opened the door behind me. I couldn't stay in that room another minute. It was stifling. The distance between us wasn't great enough for me to forget his presence.

As I walked through the gate leading out of the estate, a ghostly hand sprouted from my lower abdomen. Instantly, I pulled out the package waiting in my pocket, and the feeling of being squeezed disappeared into the back of my mind.

 ҉

Chapter Text

Iwaizumi’s pov

Oikawa, also called James (like James Bond he loved to say), was starting to make a name for himself at "Roses." Not that it was a bad thing. Quite the contrary. The boss, Aiko, was thrilled because it was drumming up revenue at a rate that could only please him. The girls and women all wanted a little piece of the charming, brown-haired new host with a unique way with words. I almost thought Aiko was going to pat Oikawa on the back to congratulate him.

The brunette had his own table now. It seemed a bit rushed, especially considering he'd only started last week. His success was probably due to his ease of expression and his words, which he probably didn't even know the definition of. His conversation topics left you perplexed while also providing answers and solutions. I had to admit he was talented. Knowing he didn't take his work seriously and that this was just another way of showing me he was better than me pissed me off.

Even Yuzu had changed tack. She was laughing at what had just come out of Oikawa's mouth. She had done everything she could to avoid the slightest interaction with me. When she saw the newcomer, she jumped at the chance. 

No matter what the brunette thought, I wasn't angry that some of my clients had left. Although this job wasn't designed to please me, it did become, from time to time, redundant. This way, I could converse with new clients without having neglected the old ones.

That evening, Alexei was sitting across from me. He had come back twice since helping me with my math homework. He remained cold, though, sometimes small smiles on his lips and wrinkles at the corners of his eyes pierced his icy armor. The man never stayed very long. Most of the time, he simply shared his observations about the culture of the country he was in. In return, I tried to explain the customs and traditions as best I could without seeming like an idiot.

“…sake is an alcohol made from fermented rice. It does not necessarily have the same taste depending on the region.”

“Does that mean it's bad in each of these regions ?”

I shook my head, a smile breaking through my face.

“The alcohol isn't even that strong... It's just bad.” he continued.

Despite myself, a laugh escaped me. It was refreshing to have an outside perspective on our culture.

“To be honest, we drink beer more often than sake these days. We're kind of associated with sake the same way Russians are associated with vodka. Those are stereotypes…”

The glass Alexei had brought to his lips was roughly placed back on the table.

“No. When you drink vodka you know why and then life is nicer afterward.”

He seemed to be taking this drinking thing to heart, so I settled back into the chair behind me before shrugging. He sighed and asked if the alcohol we were discussing was among the stocks at our bar. I shook my head from side to side.

“You have to taste real vodka.” he assured me.

I shrugged again, smiling. I asked him for help with a math homework assignment I had to finish the next day. His explanations hadn't been particularly clear when I last asked for information, but I honestly wasn't trying to understand. I just didn't want to get into trouble with my math teacher, who had fun picking up homework whenever she felt like it.

Once he had solved an equation that consisted of more letters than numbers, he left. I found myself thinking that I was beginning to get used to his intense presence. When I turned my wrist to check the time on my watch, I decided it was time for me to go home.

I was swapping a red dress shirt for a gray sweatshirt when Oikawa entered the room. As usual, I ignored him. I gathered my things to feign a rather successful folding of clothes. As I was lacing up my shoes, the brunette spoke.

“What did you think of the book ?”

“What book ?”

There was no point in looking up to hear his sigh. I moved on to tying the laces of my other shoe.

“You know, the one you have to read by tomorrow ?”

“Tomorrow ?”

I got up quickly and fell onto his bare back. I looked down a moment later, the blood in my cheeks burning a little. The image I had just seen before me was etched in my retinas, and I knew I wasn't going to be able to forget it anytime soon.

His back was more muscular than I had imagined. Blue strap outlined his shoulders, his trapezius muscles, and three others even extended below the waistband of his pants. Some of his vertebrae stood out, drawing a straight line all along his spine. One of his cervical vertebrae was more pronounced than the rest of his spine and created a small hump at the base of his neck when his head was lowered. You could clearly see that his muscles looked lean but were nonetheless powerful, certainly due to his activity as captain of the high school volleyball team. His waist turned out to be slimmer than I would have thought. I wondered how my hands would fit in its hollow.

“For the tutoring session ? Don't tell me you're not coming.” he replied, carefree.

I was getting as close as possible to the locker room exit.

“I forgot.”

Oikawa put on a white T-shirt before covering it with a jacket. He asked me to wait for him so we could leave together. I couldn't think of any good reasons to say no.

“Do you understand that since you haven't read the book, I'm going to ask you a question ?

I froze.
“Why is it so important for you to know that stuff ?” I grumbled.

Even though the book wasn't very thick, I knew perfectly well that it was impossible for me to read it in one night. And knowing the brunette, he would ask me questions so specific that even an online summary wouldn't be able to help me.

“I have nothing to gain by helping you otherwise. Besides, you must be the only person who hates talking about this subject so much.”

He closed his locker after neatly stacking his clothes in it. He turned to smile at me, a certain gleam lighting up his eyes. I need to smoke a cigarette in the very near future.

“Anyway, you still have until tomorrow to fix it. Same time as last week ?”

He slid the strap of his bag over one shoulder. He grimaced, and the image he had painted for me earlier came back to me.

“Did you hurt yourself ?” I asked him without thinking.

He frowned and looked at me.

“No ? Ah, is it the straps making you think that ?”

I didn't reply, stunned by the mistake I'd just made. He was about to tell me that I had no reason to watch him get dressed and that it was weird between boys.

“I often have lower back pain. The straps help stabilize my back muscles so that sudden movements don't hurt.” he explained

I nodded and turned to swallow. I made sure to get out of the building as quickly as possible. Oikawa was stopped by our boss before he could get past the door. I made my way while lighting a cigarette. 

It wasn't an addiction, it was just to feel more protected. 

I was almost at the bus stop when my name was called. The voice was getting closer until it was right next to me. I was hastily crushing my cigarette butt with my foot as he stopped in front of me.

“Say, the customer you… You smoke ?”

I didn't look up to see him confused; his sharp voice was enough. I shrugged.

“But Iwaizumi, do you know how harmful it is for…”

“Leave me alone.”

He remained silent and scowled. The brunette crossed his arms.

“Since when ?” he wanted to know.

“It's none of your business.”

Could the damn bus just be there already ? I was going to walk home if it kept up like this.

“Why ?” he continued.

I grumbled under my breath and walked off in the opposite direction from where he was. Oikawa grabbed my forearm.

“You started recently... It must be for a reason. What could have happened…”

I tore myself away from his grip.

“Let go of me.”

I barely had time to take another step before he spoke again.

“I didn't know you had men as clients.”

I stood still without turning around.

“And ?”

“Did you see the way he smiled at you ? I didn't think you did this kind of service.”

I took the strap that rested diagonally across my torso and tightened it.

“It's not like that between us.”

“I saw the way you laughed.”

I turned my head to stare at him hard. He stared back at me with just as much intensity.

“Alexei is not…”

“Oh, you even call him by his first name ?”

I turned around for good. The tallest one remained rooted to the ground while I got closer. I stared into his eyes and the fact that he had to lower his head slightly to return my gaze displeased me.

“Are you hearing yourself talking ? If I didn't know you better, I'd think you were jealous, Oikawa.” I spat.

The brunette rolled his eyes. The smile plastered on his lips took on a hostile form.

“No chance, I'm not a faggot.”

The look of bewilderment that crossed my face was a surprise to both me and him. Something snapped in the back of my mind, and my train of thought was abruptly interrupted. What on earth was I doing ? I stepped back to put some distance between us.

“I'm not like that.” I simply said before turning around to walk home.

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

The next day was no different from yesterday, yet nothing was the same. As I came home and took a shower. The next moment I crawled under the bed’s covers and stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. It must have been because the next day I woke up with dark circles under my skin.

I think I had locked myself in a bubble of empty thoughts because even my mother yelled at me it only left me indifferent. My seven-kilometer run early in the morning must have helped, as did the two hours of weight training afterward. I barely had time to shower when I got home before lunch was served. During it, I listened with half an ear to my little sister's school adventures, which must have been very interesting given my mother's interest in her. In the early afternoon, I went out again to go to the jewelry store again, which was on full clearance. I wandered through the windows, I saw that the only prices I could afford were those for necklace chains. I was paying when my pocket vibrated in my pocket.

→ From: Oikawa

When are you coming ?

I ignored his message. About twenty minutes later, a new one appeared on the screen.

→ From: Oikawa

Give me back my book or I'll write to Mrs. Sato that you didn’t come to our tutoring session.

My answer remained the same. I could return his book on Monday if that was why he wanted to see me. Half an hour later, my mother burst into my room, phone in hand.

“Mrs. Sato is telling me you're avoiding your tutoring lessons ?”

“I'm busy.”

One of her eyebrows rose on her head. I sighed and got up from my bed when I realized there was no room for debate. I grabbed my bag and left my room without a glance at my mother.

“Okay, I'll go.”

I was still fuming at Oikawa when his butler let me in. The brunette was in the same spot as last week, on his couch with his dog's head on his thigh. His book was lying upside down on the couch. He was staring at the flowery landscape of his window when I walked into the room.

I cleared my throat to announce my presence. He seemed to reluctantly break away from his contemplation. I shouldn't have blamed myself, he was the one who had called me. He stood up and walked towards his desk without looking at me. He sat down on a chair. Without looking at me, he said :

“What are you waiting for ?”

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from responding. I sat down next to him a few moments later. The lack of words made me understand that he was waiting for me to take out my notebook so we could start studying. I was turning the pages of my lesson notebook when I saw him wince out of the corner of my eye. I frowned.

“You smell of tobacco.” he explained.

“No more than last week.” I retorted calmly.

I found his attitude more than ridiculous. It was because of him that I started this, not out of desire. It was his fault. 

“Do you often have clients ?”

“What ?”

Despite the promise I made to myself when I entered the room, I turned my head to look at him. He remained unmoved.

“Since you haven't read the book, I'm entitled to a question.”

A finger of his hand made a rhythmic noise against the surface of the desk. I stared at the movement, stunned. As the rhythm of the noise accelerated, I considered my options. Sure, the ground he wanted to take us over was slippery, but it wasn't dangerous. It was better that he was interested in Alexei than in my soulmate.

“No.”

“No ?” he repeated, perplexed.

“I answered your question.”

The movement of his finger stopped and his face turned towards me. I saw him open his mouth again.

“We said one question per session.” I interrupted him

His lips closed, and the wrinkle between his brows deepened. He took my notebook from my hands and began writing his questions on a blank sheet of paper. As he wrote, the wide collar of his t-shirt came loose around his neck, revealing pink physiotherapy bandages just like yesterday’s blue strap. The locker room’s image I'd forced myself to forget rose to the surface of my thoughts like a soap bubble. One of my hands came up to play with the bracelet on my wrist.

“What's up ?”

“Nothing.”

Three seconds passed.

“Why did you call Mrs. Sato ?”

The brunette continued to write without disturbance. 

“To make sure you come.” he ended up saying.

I sighed, annoyed by his retort.

“Because I make your exam’s success a personal matter.”

“What for ?”

He shrugged his shoulders without looking up from his paper.

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

The atmosphere that had lingered between us during the tutoring session left me confused. The brunette had acted as if yesterday's events had never happened. His dog had lain at his feet during my two hours there. As for his master, he was looking through his bay window when he wasn't busy reading his book. He seemed so quiet compared to his usual self... It was awkward. He was running a finger along his ankle that he had placed on his opposite leg when I decided to leave. I could feel his finger tickling my own skin. The sensation was unpleasant, I disliked it.

“See you on Monday ?” he said.

I nodded before leaving the stiflingly hot room.

Except we didn't see each other on Monday, and I'd been very careful about that. I wanted to limit our interactions as much as possible. We didn't need to see each other every day. Thanks to the cigarettes, the feeling of his hands on me was starting to become a distant mirage. The bracelet and the silver chain seemed to only work when we were close to each other. Their effects weren't completely numbing, but they calmed my nerves. A bit like the cigarettes I was smoking more and more easily. They had become a part of my daily life, so much so that I was less upset when I had to smoke another one.

I tried the same tactic the next day, except I ran into Oikawa the minute I walked into the school. Well, ran into him wasn't the right word, since he was glued to the blonde by the bridge of his lips. I was glad I'd smoked my cigarette so early in the morning.

It was easy to bypass them and continue on my way. However, I found myself finding the image playing over and over in my head. It was a waste of time to concentrate... My concentration was already difficult to obtain with this idiot of a soulmate, now where to be seen. Maybe I should follow his example. That is to say, pretend he didn't exist. He had been impatient to be of age, yet his excitement had quickly subsided when he realized that finding his other half was no easy task.

I was drawing little suns worthy of a kindergarten coloring page when I realized I was worrying too much about the link. With the cigarettes and the newly acquired jewelry, I was no longer as limited as before. A world of possibilities was opening up to me... Nevertheless, something continued to bother me. I was far from being a romantic at heart. I left that to the others.

There was no point in saying that I was opening myself up to the world when I didn't even know what I really liked. Before knowing who was the holder of my link, I had thought more about the practical aspect of the bond. I told myself that I could not be better understood than by this person and that we had no other choice but to be together. I always thought this person was the missing piece to my puzzle, the spice to my bland dish. Now I understood how wrong I had been.

I rested my head in the hollow of my palm, covering my chin and mouth, before sighing loudly.

“Can I help you, Iwaizumi ?” my teacher asked me.

My classmates turned around one by one to stare at whoever was disrupting the class. I answered with a "no" and crossed my arms, leaning on the back of my chair.

What did I like ?

What was I looking for in someone ?

What made one person stand out from another for me ?

Did I prefer a pretty personality or a pretty body ?

Was I more into blonde or brunette ?

Was I more into big breasts or big ass ?

Was I more compatible with someone with a sporty or artistic profile ?

Was I more into a girl or a boy ?

This last question put a stop to all the others that I had not yet listed.

Boy ? Why was that even an option ? I mean, I knew Oikawa was a guy, but I never considered it given the negative probability of something happening between us. The society we lived in was much more open about it thanks to the existence of the bond that was completely beyond our control and understanding. I didn't remember having thoughts like "I like girls," but rather "I like this, I like this." They weren't gender-specific... Did that make me a...

No, I couldn't be like that . I had a crush on a girl in middle school and again last year. I even kissed her only to realize that my attraction to her ended there. I couldn't have crossed over to the other side of the quadrant. Just because the connection had tied me to a boy didn't make me a...

I held my head in my hand and silence fell again in the classroom. I spread my fingers slightly to see that the teacher had indeed turned around to stare at me.

“Iwaizumi, if you don't feel well you'd better go to the infirmary.” she suggested.

Even though I wasn't sick, this was the perfect opportunity to escape the rest of my thoughts. I stood up and gathered my things, then closed the door to the ward behind me. I sighed once more. What on earth was I going to be doing in the infirmary ?

When I arrived at my destination, I found no one in the room. I decided to borrow the bed to rest. I had nothing better to do anyway.

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

That night, Oikawa's gaze on Alexei and me alone weighed a ton. I was facing the young Russian man and I had all the time in the world to watch the brunette cooing girls on his own table. I forced myself not to pay attention to it... However, it wasn't an easy task when he seemed to want to dig two holes in the platinum blond's skull with his eyes.

His eyes never once shifted to anything else. I was tempted to use the bond to distract him, but it hadn't been long since my last cigarette for the slightest touch to have any effect on him. So I simply crossed my arms and pretended there was nothing but Alexei. 

I must have been distracted because when the customer spoke again, I thought I detected a note of concern.

“Nothing to worry about.” I replied.

“Charles.”

Although it wasn't my real name, I sat up straight when I heard it. My attention was fully focused on the person in front of me. I was surprised by the newfound light in his eyes, and suddenly I felt warm. I pretended nothing was wrong and waited for him to continue.

“Charles.” he repeated.

“Yes ?”

I had directed my torso forward so that I could rest my arms on the table.

“Did you find your soulmate ?”

My entire body turned to stone. I fought the urge to look behind the Russian to see if the brunette was still paying attention to our table. Since I couldn't check, I satisfied the question by gently shaking my head.

“I lost mine a few months ago.” he confessed to me.

As he spoke, he poured himself another glass of sake. I wasn't sure what had gotten into him. Just last week he was telling me how much he hated the taste of this drink.

“I lost him in a car accident during winter. He was really into speed… That's one of the first things he told me the first time we met. He was supposed to pick me up because I'd been drinking and going out with some old friends… Except the roads were icy and…”

It was more than disturbing to see him searching for words like that.

“…and he never arrived at his destination.”

My heart sank at this. To think that his soulmate had been ripped away from him while I wanted to get rid of mine seemed downright unfair. The Russian had surely migrated to another nearby country to change his life and think about something else.

“He ?” I preferred to ask.

It was Alexei's turn to nod.

“Girls have never been my thing,” he admitted, as if he was sure I wouldn’t react badly.

As I stared at the table that separated us, I felt his eyes that wanted to embed themselves in mine. I finally did what he silently asked and looked up.

“Since I've been here, I've been able to see and meet lots of new people. Of all the people I've met, you're the one who reminds me of him the most.”

The smile that clung to his slightly dry lips was sad.

“I have no particular attraction to speed.” I was found myself answering

I didn't even have a license. However, in the near future I could see myself riding a motorcycle.

I couldn't figure out why the organ in my chest was going crazy. I don't really know if I wanted to understand, since my internal monologue from earlier was resonating with what was happening. On the one hand, I wanted to run away and forget everything he had ever said to me, and on the other... I was curious.

Alexei also leaned forward to tell me the following :

- Would you mind giving me a chance?

Although I was prepared for him to say something like that, it still caught me off guard. The distance between us grew as I leaned back in my chair. Everything on his face indicated his seriousness, and my own face must have been like his. I was tempted to pour myself a drink, too, but that would be against the terms of my contract.

“I don't know what I want.” I said in a low voice.

My voice was so quiet I thought he hadn't heard me. I rested my hands on my thighs and stared at them with the greatest interest. Did it bother me because he was a boy or because he wasn't my soulmate ? The question didn't even come up. There was no way I was having any sort of relationship with Oikawa. For all I cared, he could kiss every girl in the world if he felt like it. I thought back to the girl in high school I thought I had a crush on.

“I just wanted you to know that you have another option if you want.”

Unintentionally, my cheeks flushed slightly when I heard him. I sighed and scratched my neck.

“I don't even know what I like.”

I looked at him more closely. His platinum blond hair, which had seemed white to me the first time, was held back with precise gel without making it look greasy. It only seemed softer to look at, and perhaps even to touch. His light eyes glued me on the spot and were enhanced by arched eyebrows. I traced the sharp curve of his nose and cheekbones to rest my eyes on his lips. There was no doubt about it, he was handsome. He was a cold beaut. He reminded me more of a swirl of snowflakes that leaves you speechless than a soft ray of sunshine that settles on your face in spring. I couldn't pretend he left me indifferent cause I wasn’t.

Alexei smiled as if he knew he'd won. I didn't know what to make of it. To try to organize my thoughts, I picked up the sake bottle and turned it over in my hands. The Russian's X-ray attention followed me every moment. He waited for me to speak. He waited. I knew it. 

I said nothing.

“I'll wait outside. I'll be here if you want to find me.”

He stood up suddenly, leaving me with even more questions than I already had before. I tried not to think about it when 20 minutes later I walked out of the locker room.

As agreed, Alexei was waiting for me outside the building. The gleam in his eyes had never been as animated as that evening. Oikawa had been held up again by our boss, leaving me the leisure to guide the young Russian into a nearby alley without unnecessary questions. It was cold, dark, and damp in the latter.

“So what are you choosing ?”

“That I have nothing left to lose.”

Alexei's smile grew more meaningful. He leaned against a wall, his hands in his pockets.

“Come if you dare,” he said, a smile on his lips.

The pounding in my chest only grew louder. Was it fear ? Envy ? Curiosity ?

I took a step toward him, then another, until I was standing right in front of him. I placed two hands on either side of his face. When I looked into his eyes, I saw nothing but an icy fire that was starting to burn me too. Bringing my face closer to his seemed like the only option to answer his emotion.

Either way, it couldn't get any worse. Nothing would ever happen between Oikawa and me. It was simply impossible.

We were like oil and water, in the same container but unable to mix.

We were like oil and water, we didn't mix; no matter the circumstances.

Alexei closed his eyes and I followed him, leaning a little further forward.

“ What are you doing, Iwaizumi ?”

҉

Chapter Text

Iwaizumi pov

→ From: Oikawa

You owe me a question.

Like everything else about him, I ignored it. 

He had a knack for being insistent when it would actually be beneficial for him to keep quiet. This was the first message he'd sent in a few days. Yet, I wished he'd continued to forget about me a little longer.

I sat in my chair at my desk, staring at the opposite wall like an idiot. My notebook had been open for ten minutes already. However, I hadn't yet looked down to read the sentences filling it. My phone, which had been placed right next to it, vibrated to show an incoming call from the brunette.

→ From: Oikawa

Answer me.

I turned my phone over to avoid seeing the messages from him that were pouring in. Even though it was a weekday, I had called Aiko to tell him that I couldn't come to work. I had made up an excuse that I was sick and that I could feel a fever coming in. The day before, I had claimed that my mother needed me for a doctor's appointment... And tomorrow, I still don't know what I'm going to tell him that's not true.

To be honest, I didn't know which of the two, Oikawa or Alexei, I least wanted to cross paths with. I was embarrassed. I was angry... At whom ? I didn't know that either. The position of the stupidest of us three was still being contested to this day. I couldn't decide how I felt about this situation. Why I had leaned towards him. Why I hadn't said no. Why I had felt like I had been caught red-handed at that moment. Did I want to prove something ? Or did I want to discover something else ?

I sighed. I was thinking too much.

My phone vibrated again, interrupting my train of thought. Instead of answering his call, I swiped my finger across the screen to read his messages.

→ From: Oikawa

You haven't been here for two days. Your exams are next week.

→ From: Oikawa

And don't tell me you're sick, you were fine 2 days ago.

→ From: Oikawa

Stop reading my messages and answer when I call you.

As agreed, my phone rang again. I decided to press the red button so he'd leave me alone once and for all. I could almost hear him grumbling under his breath from where I was. I thought I was dreaming when the screen lit up for the umpteenth time to show me an incoming call from Oikawa.

→ From: Oikawa

Is it me you're avoiding or my question ?

← To: Oikawa

You.

My phone went silent again. Maybe he'd finally gotten the hint and decided to bother someone else. 

A few hours later, another message popped up in our conversation.

→ From: Oikawa

Why ?

The message was deleted before I even had a chance to see the question mark at the end of it. Instead, a question that made my heart race replaced it. I dropped my phone as if just holding it in my hands had burned me. It might have.

→ From: Oikawa

Are you a fag or something ?

The worst part was that I didn't know what answer to give him. I didn’t know. 

← To: Oikawa

What for ?

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

The next day I forced myself to get up early in the morning. I even decided to go for a run around the block to start the day off right.

Nothing was abnormal. Nothing should be abnormal. It was just another day. That's why when my mother gave me a dark look as a greeting, I was oddly grateful for the touch of normalcy. I dreaded today as if it were a deadline for a homework assignment. Two cigarettes had been smoked before I even stepped through the school gates. To be honest, the line between "I smoke to avoid feeling the link" and "I smoke to calm my flaring nerves" was very thin at that moment.

As if sensing my arrival, Oikawa stood near my locker, waiting along it. I stopped 20 meters away when I saw him, unsure whether to move closer or run away. I started to turn back when his eyes fell on me.

“ Iwa !”

I quickened my pace. The other students moved aside as I made my way to my classroom. Going to school with my head low was no go thanks to Mr. "I have to shout to express myself." Honestly, if I hadn't been so stressed, I would have turned around and slapped his head rather violently. Except I couldn't do it because I was stressed. 

I heard breathing that sounded like the brunette's. I took the first left... meaning the bathroom.

“Iwa…”

“I'm going to pee. Can't you leave me alone ?”

I didn't wait for his answer, crossing the room. When the first bell rang, I left the bathroom and headed into my classroom. My teacher looked at me with one raised eyebrow but didn't offer any further comment upon my entrance. The rest of the day passed quickly, but also far too slowly for my liking. I found myself playing basketball with the others to make sure I didn't run into the brunette again at his usual outdoor table.

“Hanamaki !”

As if we were in a movie, I saw the ball melt in slow motion across his face. As the ball fell to the ground, a round, red mark became visible on the spot it hit. Despite myself, a snort escaped me. I tried to stifle it behind my hand, but my eyes were surely betraying me.

“Haiji Iwaizumi.”

Another incongruous sound that had no place there came out of my throat.

“Do you find that funny ?”

“No ?”

I myself wasn't convinced by the sincerity of my answer. He came closer and placed a hand on my shoulder. A serious expression appeared on his features.

“You haven't looked well for a while…”

I could feel my eyebrows rising. Hanamaki and I had always had a relationship fueled by our shared enjoyment of gently teasing Oikawa. Emotions and feelings had never had a place to be truly exposed between us. That was why I was surprised by his words. I decided a shrug was the most appropriate. It was awkward otherwise.

“Is it your soulmate ?”

I froze and lost the smile that had been plastered on my face seconds before.

“I don't want to talk about it.”

I avoided his insistent gaze like one would avoid lice. The light-haired man withdrew his hand after squeezing my shoulder one last time.

“You know, even if the link seems incomprehensible, we're all connected to a particular person for a reason. And even if it doesn't work out between you, a soulmate can just be someone you confide in. You feel better understood by them than by anyone else.”

I frowned. When I looked up, I saw him staring at something behind me.

“Do you know how to get rid of the…”

“Take me to the infirmary, dumbass. My head hurts because of you.”

Several times I tried to finish my question, but each time he interrupted me. I realized at that moment that I didn't know Hanamaki as well as I thought. He was lying on a bed in the infirmary, his eyes closed. As for me, I was sitting on a chair nearby.

“You know, smoking isn't good in the long run.” he suddenly said.

My whole body tensed up again.

“Give him a chance.” he continued.

What ?

“What are you talking about ?”

The light brown-haired turned around to show me his back.

“I know who it is.”

I stood up and grabbed his shoulder roughly so that his back was on the mattress again.

“What are you talking about ?”

He opened one eye again.

“Did you see yourself in a mirror lately ?”

I knew exactly what I looked like. My features must have been drawn, the corners of my lips pulled down, and my eyebrows furrowed. I huffed before releasing my hold on him and sat back down on the chair.

“There’s no way it will work out between us,” I finally admitted, dejected.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. Silence settled between him and I. It was heavy. Suffocating.

“Does that mean that if…”

“I don't want the link.”

Hanamaki closed his eyelids a second time.

“Because it's him ?”

“Because I'm not a fag.”

“First, the right word is “gay" and second, are you sure ?

I gritted my teeth. This conversation was making me nervous. It was unsettling to talk about this subject so openly. It should have been underground, or six feet below, and never see the light of day. Yet, his question was legitimate. A few days earlier, I had found myself on a dimly lit, cold, and damp street with the aim to…

“Aw, you're blushing.” remarked the light-haired.

 “Shut up.”

He was silent. I waited until the small hand of the clock mounted on the wall had ticked past two minutes before speaking again.

“I don't know, okay ? It's been a complete mess ever since.”

“The thing is, you don't have to know or even think.”

I stood up, anger pumping through my veins again.

“Are we talking about the same person ?”

“Oikawa ?”

I picked up my sweatshirt that I'd left on the back of the chair. Hearing the name of the person involved in this conversation made it seem far too real for my liking. He wasn't supposed to know. No one was supposed to know. If Hanamaki knew it, then who would be next ?

“That's the stupidest thing you've ever sai…”

“Oikawa, what are you doing here ?”

I turned around to see the brunette standing in the doorway. I grew silent right away. I had to get out of here and fast. 

I pushed the taller one out of my way, but he held me back by the forearm.

“Let me go”

“No.”

He used strength I didn't know he possessed to pull me out of the room. He managed to drag us down a long corridor before I successfully freed myself from his grip.

“What the hell is wrong with you ?”

“Why are you avoiding me ?”

I began to walk back in the opposite direction, wanting at all costs to avoid any exchange of words between us.

“Is it because of what I saw the other night ?”

I slowed down to see the expression on his face. I had to bury my head in the sand and be nonchalant. I had to. And I had to smoke a cigarette in the very near future. The tingling of fingers that weren't mine was beginning to feel like an electric shock on my skin.

“What exactly did you see ?”

He bit his lower lip, which hurt mine, before answering me.

“If I hadn't interrupted you, would you have kissed him for real ?”

The judgment that pierced his voice pierced my eardrums. I shrugged before continuing on my way.

“Would you have done it because it was him or because you're a fag ?”

I waited until several meters separated us before I dared to say to him :

“I don't see what it has to do with you.”

My heart, pounding like a drum in my chest, was the only one who knew I was lying.

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

“Glad to see I don't need to call Mrs. Sato for you to come.” Oikawa commented.

My bag was tossed unceremoniously onto the floor as I sat down in the office chair next to him. I pretended I hadn't heard anything and pulled out a random notebook without looking at what subject it was.

The brunette didn't even step forward to flip through the pad. He simply stared at me. My leg's response was to start trembling due to his attention. The days when he just followed me around while talking about everything and nothing were over. I was nostalgic for them. The brunette wanted to know too much.

“Okay, what are we waiting for ?”  

My aggressive tone made me wince. Five seconds passed before he started writing on a blank sheet of paper. I was quite perplexed because he hadn't read the lesson. When he was finished, he handed me the paper and opened a new book. 

As I answered the questions, I spied on the individual next to me. One of his ankles was resting on the knee of his other leg. The taller one was absentmindedly scratching the back of one of the ears of his dog, Isha. The glasses that crossed his face had slipped a little down the bridge of his nose, giving him a stern look. Out of simple curiosity, I read the title of the book he was holding in his hand : Red, White & Royal Blue

“ You’re reading in English ?” I interrupted him.

Oikawa raised his head, his brows furrowed. It took him a few more moments to slam the book shut.

“Are you finished ?” he retorted.

I looked down and shook my head. While I wiggled my pencil without adding any charcoal to my copy, the brunette stroked Isha's head. He bit his cheek and hadn't erased the wrinkle in the middle of his forehead. Time seemed to stretch between us, making it excessively long and painful. Just as I was about to give up, he tried to guide me on one of the questions. A kind of tension seemed to tighten in both of our throats. The slightest conversations that occasionally bubbled up between us had become nonexistent.

“Can you please stop with your leg ?”

I realized it had been hitting the floor repeatedly for a while already. I mumbled a "sorry." 

This revision lesson was dragging on longer than the previous ones. I thought I was hallucinating when the brunette suggested we meet again the following week to prepare for the exams that would follow. 

“You weren't planning on working next week, were you ?”

Faced with my silence, he understood that yes, I was actually planning on working next week. Oikawa shook his head. I wished he would take off his glasses, they changed his look too much and it made me feel too...

“Iwaizumi.”

The room's temperature suddenly rose. My entire attention was suddenly focused on him thanks to that little word. The twitching in my leg returned as if it had never left us. A hand was placed on my thigh to calm it, and fireworks, literally fireworks, exploded over that area. I instinctively withdrew the hand. Incomprehension filled my alter ego's features.

“I don't like being touched.” I defended myself.

That's not true. I'm dying to be touched. 

“I hate it.” I continued

I didn't look up to see it, but I was sure his eyebrows would be touching by now. How could I look him in the eye when I didn't mean a word I'd just said ? He will see that I was lying. I shouldn't have stayed here.

I gathered the few things I had placed on his desk and stood up. Isha looked up.

“You’re leaving ?”

I nodded. We needed to put some distance between us. It was necessary, for him as well as for me.

“We can take a break if you're tired.” he suggested.

I told him that I had to leave.

“Is it because of me ?”

I didn't know how to react, so a shrug was enough. The atmosphere around us was heavy. It made me want to scratch the skin on my forearms under its influence. As I opened the door, the brunette spoke again.

“Are you coming to the end-of-exam party ?”

My hand on the doorknob froze.

“Don’t know”

What difference could it make anyway ?

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

I was surprised to meet hazel eyes in a tobacconist's. I was tempted to look away, believing it was an illusion. However, there was no doubt about what I was witnessing.

Oikawa Tooru was on the cover of a sports magazine. His eyes were fixed on the reader, an amused glint animating them. His smirk was half-hidden by his t-shirt, which he used to wipe his forehead. The V-neck of his jersey gaped at one side of his neck, revealing his trademark blue physiotherapy bandages. A collarbone poked out at the tip of its nose. 

When my eyes drifted to the bottom of the picture, I saw two vertical lines appear on his stomach, giving the reader a glimpse of abs. The dip of his waist had as much of an effect on me as the first time I'd seen it. I swallowed. I was no better than a teenager controlled by his hormones. Fortunately, the tobacconist's owner was drawing my attention elsewhere by asking me to pay for the pack of cigarettes.

Despite the fact that it was an exam day, it was still way too early to go to the exam room. As I had been doing for the past 3 years, I went to sit on a beanbag in the high school library. I picked up a book without looking at its name so as not to be kicked out of the place. I had barely read the first line of my book when I was distracted by giggles. Looking up, I saw the sports magazine in the hands of two high school girls who were lending it to each other. Paying more attention to my surroundings, I noticed they were far from being the only ones to have it. The area affected by chills on my skin grew proportionally to the number of magazines I looked at.

My other half was on the front cover of a magazine that would be seen by hundreds of people, including those at school. I struggled to pretend to read as the girls' giggling seemed to get louder and louder. Seeing the time displayed on a wall, I headed to my exam room. Not because I wanted to, but because I wanted to think about something other than this magazine.

“Hey Iwa !”

I gritted my teeth, not believing my luck. Turning my head, I saw Hanamaki standing back beside the brunette. The latter held another copy of the object I was cursing at in his hand. He brandished it in front of him when he was closer. I swallowed.

“Did you see ? I'm on the front cover of SportyVogue !” Oikawa exclaimed as if I were blind.

At that moment, the difference between a child showing his mother a drawing and him was nonexistent. I glanced at the light-haired boy who was with him. He shrugged, smiling. It must have been funny to him. I mean, knowing the situation I was in and watching my reaction must have been funny. In response to Oikawa, I copied Hanamaki and shrugged my shoulders in turn.

“Congrats ?” I tried when I saw his pouting mouth.

Then again what did I care if he sulked ? It wasn't my problem.

“We're going to the Nationals in a few weeks. Will you come cheer us on ?”

My gaze slid back to his sidekick. He nodded discreetly.

“Maybe.”

Before the conversation could get any worse, I was called into the exam room. I couldn't tell if I was nervous about the upcoming Japanese test or if it was due to the stressful start to the morning. I felt like something had changed since our last revision lesson. However, I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was... And that made me want to get on a plane and never come back.

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

I'd muted Oikawa's message notifications since Sunday night so he'd leave me alone. I was grateful for that action. However, the look the brunette was giving me, as Yuzu continued saying her story to him, weighed at least ten tons. I was shivering and embarrassed by his interest. It would have been better if he'd looked away. I hadn't read his messages for three days. It would have been surprising if he'd only noticed now.

While Alexei was in front of me, I paid more attention to Yuzu, who was speaking quietly to Oikawa. Although his host’s table was relatively close to mine, I couldn't hear a single word they exchanged. A feeling of discomfort was assimilating me and only taking up space in my thoughts. 

Oddly enough, I was more worried about what they might be saying to each other than what might have almost happened with the Russian mathematician the other night. The only thing I could think was that I was, until now, their only common point. For one, I was the friendly host, and for the other, I was the grumpy classmate. Either way, it was bad for me.

Alexei probably didn't understand much when I told him it was time for me to leave. I was putting on my pants when the locker room door opened to let Oikawa in. I paid him as little attention as possible, speeding up my movements to get out of there as quickly as possible. The brunette seemed to be doing the opposite, taking the time to untie himself from his t-shirt. I was tying my shoes when he said :

“Yuzu is worried about you.”

I inserted the lock to close my locker before heading towards the exit.

“Since she didn't see you coming back to Roses , she thought your colleagues would surely know more.”

I was almost at the door. Oikawa's voice seemed to be getting closer.

“Then, thanks to the French champagne I offered her, she confessed certain things to me... Like… that you wanted to break the bond that tied you to your soulmate.”

As I placed my hand on the doorknob, he grabbed my forearm. His touch was like an electric shock. It took me a moment to push him away. I had no right to feel these things. This heat and tingling had to remain unknown to me, or I would fall into its trap.

“Don't. Touch. Me.”

These things had to remain unexplored because next time I don’t know what I would want to do with my hands on him.

҉

Chapter Text

Iwaizumi pov

I no longer knew what kind of relationship I wanted to have with Oikawa. 

This feeling of instability had only increased since I had laid eyes on this magazine several days ago now. I spent more time thinking about it than I wanted to. I was tempted to reread the book Yuzu had suggested on how to break the bond. However, for some reason that still escaped me, I hadn't taken action yet.

Tonight, an end-of-exam party was being held for all the high school seniors. The students hadn't stopped talking about it since the final exams had ended. I hadn't yet decided whether I'd attend this event. As for now, I was leaning toward not going. This type of event reeked of trouble.

I was currently standing in front of the open window of my room when my little sister walked in. I hurriedly put out my cigarette butt in my makeshift ashtray.

“Haji… You smoke ?”

I sighed without turning around to face her. 

“Why are you there Hana ?”

My little sister's footsteps were getting closer behind me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her fidgeting with her hands as if she had something important to tell me. I spun around and closed the window like it was going to erase my bad deeds in the same way.

“I know there's a gala at Aoba Josai to celebrate the end of your exams.”

I frowned, not understanding where she was going with this.

“And ?”

“I was wondering if I could help you get dressed for tonight,” she confessed.

Astonishment filled my features for a second or two.

“Huh… That’s nice Hana but I’m not going.”

It was her turn to be confused. Of course, she asked me why. 

I shrugged.

“I'm going to be more bored than anything else.”

“But I'd love to be in your place. You might regret not going. Is Hanamaki not coming ?”

Ever since he came to the house for a group project, she found every opportunity to talk about him in one way or another. Seeing that she wasn't going to give up anytime soon, I suggested the following :

“Okay. I'll go, but as soon as I get bored, I'll come home.”

My little sister nodded cheerfully and asked me to confirm my promise by doing a pinky promise, her little fingers circling mine. This reaction made a slight smile appear on my face.

The next few minutes passed quickly. Like a movie, she took each of my shirts and pants out onto my bed and spread them out on it. It took her a few seconds of thought to pair them up. Although I didn't particularly want to, I complied with her girlish whims and put them on without sighing. 

About ten minutes later, she finally settled on a metallic gray dressshirt, which seemed to have blue flecks depending on the light, accompanied by a pair of black pants that I normally reserved for " Roses ". It seemed a good idea to her to leave a few buttons of my shirt unbuttoned to give me some “style” and said that the chain around my neck was "the little extra touch." She offered me her silver hoops, both of which fit the shape of my ears, assuring me that they went "perfectly" with the rest of my hair. When she was doing my hair to try to soften the spikes that were my hair, I realized that my little sister had good taste. All I had to do was put on my watch and shoes to go out.

I ruffled her hair while thanking her for the transformation. Before I could leave my room, she called out to me :

“Haji?”

I turned to smile at her and encourage her to continue. She wrung her little hands again.

“Have you found your soulmate yet ?”

My body froze before I even understood her question.

“Why are you asking ?” I answered instead.

“You've changed since your birthday... She’s not a good person ?”

Concern pierced her voice. I sighed and cupped her hands in mine to stop her twisting them.

“It's complicated. I don't think we'll end up together.” I confessed

“Why ?”

Her question was legitimate. Hana raised her head to look at me, incomprehension evident in her features. I carefully avoided her eyes and watched the landscape through my window. I'll have to smoke another cigarette before leaving; it's not just a safety precaution.

“Does she know ?”

“No, he doesn't know.”

I felt her hands in mine soften in surprise. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest. Her grip on me tightened again, and without her knowing it, it lifted a weight from my shoulders.

“Is it because you don't like boys ?”

“No… Well, I don't know. It's just complicated.”

I still didn't dare look at her.

“You should talk to him directly,” my little sister said.

“I know.”

Hana withdrew her hands and presented me her little finger again. I watched her without understanding. She cleared her throat as if she were about to give me a presentation she would have to present the next day.

“You talk to him about it tonight or else I'll tell mom that you took my bento tomorrow.”

I didn't point out that "tomorrow" was Saturday, so her bento story fell through. To please her, I asked her what I was entitled to if we found ourselves in the opposite situation.

“Well, you'll have a boyfriend, so in any case, you'll be a winner !”

Ah, if things were that simple...

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

I'd barely been in the high school gym for an hour, and I was already bored after my third glass of coke. The only reason I hadn't gone home yet was because I was worried about upsetting Hana. So I just sighed for the umpteenth time and went to get another drink. I also took the time to observe the transformation the gym had received. Strings of lights had been hung here and there, sometimes they had been replaced by simple golden banners. The largest of them had "end of year gala" written on it. Multicolored balloons were attached to the doors, tables, and some had even reached up to the ceiling.

The hubbub suddenly grew louder. Using the shouts of several high school girls as direction, my gaze fell on the high school volleyball team, with Oikawa leading the group. Honestly, I wasn't sure if it was because he was the captain or if he just liked being the center of attention. Either was as plausible as the other. They were all dressed in simple white cotton t-shirts with colored markers on them. I rolled my eyes, not at all surprised by the volleyball team. The girls were soon flocking to them, trying to sign even a single inch of the fabric.

Hanamaki was the first of them to see me and greet me. He came and sat next to me once the umpteenth person had signed his shirt. Conversation with him was easy, which is why I didn't see the storm that was Oikawa coming.

“Hey Iwa, do you want to write something ?” he greeted me, handing me a permanent marker.

I shook my head, not wanting to be part of the dozens of other writings on him. His smile faded imperceptibly and I pretended it didn't make the organ in my chest tighten. Hanamaki pushed me slightly towards him and I braked. While grumbling, I rather roughly took the pen from my alter ego's hand. There were still several tiny white areas on his t-shirt, so I chose the one on the left side of his ribs for the sake of convenience. Not knowing what to write on it, I listed several names I had already called him, such as: Trashykawa, Shittykawa or Crappykawa. I continued on my way until a snicker from Hanamaki interrupted me.

“What are you writing ?” Oikawa asked.

“Almost done.”

Of course, the ink in the marker was getting scarcer. Without really thinking about the next action, I slipped my left hand under his t-shirt so I could force the pencil lead without hurting the brunette’s skin. He leaned over to try to see what I was doing and lost his balance. My hand spread out over the flat of his abs to stabilize him. When I looked up at him, I saw Oikawa's red cheeks and his eyes wide as saucers. I immediately moved away from him. I threw my hands up in the air like in a TV series.

“I had no intention.” I promised

The brunette nodded and scratched his neck. A habit he had when he was nervous. It only took a second for him to regain his playful smile and his mischievous eyes.

“Come on, Iwa.”

I frowned and looked questioningly at Hanamaki.

“We've got alcohol in the back with the team. The evening will be more fun with it. The teachers won't say anything since we're going to Nationals soon.”

Having no better idea and a smile from the light brown haired on my side, I finally accepted the proposal. Oikawa led us to the boys' locker room where some of the team's players were.

“Where are the others ?” I found myself asking.

“Outside.”

The brunette gave each of us a bottle of beer. Once his mission was accomplished, we went to join the others in one of the school gardens. The rest of the volleyball team was huddled around a wooden picnic table. I also saw girls in dresses, probably the players' girlfriends.

 As we approached them, a game of Beer Pong gradually appeared on the table. Hearing their laughter, I understood that some were already more drunk than others. Two of them  were even shirtless. As soon as they saw their captain arrive, they cheered loudly.

“We were waiting for you to start !” said a brown-haired player.

“Who do you want to play against ?” asked another, a blond.

Oikawa pointed at the brown-haired player and the game began. While he was busy making his opponent lose, I slowly swallowed the contents of the bottle I was holding in my hands. When there was not a drop of liquid left in it, I went back to get another one. As I came back, I discovered the brunette losing to Hanamaki. Oikawa's cheeks were turning a pretty pink color and a beatific smile touched his lips.

“What's in the glasses ?” I asked the guy next to me.

“Vodka of course !”

From his tone, I could tell he was proud of this information. It only took another 5 minutes for the brunette to lose his throwing accuracy.

“Okay, let's play another game. Captain can't aim straight anymore !”

A good number of them laughed at this lame joke.

“Let’s play truth or dare !” suggested a female voice, probably a girlfriend of one of the players.

“That's a girl thing !” a male voice grumbled.

Several boys expressed their agreement.

“A truth or dare could be cool.” Oikawa interjected.

I thought I was dreaming when I saw his teammates form a circle on the grass without flinching. Their captain took off his shirt, pretending the weather was too hot. The atmosphere in the circle changed at this sight, or maybe it was just me. I must say, I was getting hot too.

“Hey Oikawa, leave some girls for us please.” Hanamaki said laughing and it lightened the atmosphere.

The latter sat down next to me. He laughed when he saw me smile at him.

“Your cheeks are red, Iwaizumi.” he explained.

I placed my hands on them and their heat pierced my skin.

“Oh yeah, you're right.”

It had the merit of making him laugh.

Oikawa placed the beer bottle he had drunk on the ground and spun it around. The tip of it pointed at a boy on the volleyball team. The brunette spoke :

“Matsukawa ! Truth or dare.”

“Truth.”

Judging by the devilish smile on his captain's face, I was willing to bet that was the wrong answer.

“Are you still a virgin?

Typical Oikawa question.

The man in question was turning red and staring at the ground. I could hear Hanamaki stirring next to me. He avoided my questioning gaze and simply watched his teammate.

“Nope.”

His team was shouting to know who the lucky one was, but he didn't spill the beans. Something told me it was better this way if we didn't want to create a scandal. The next twenty minutes were long and without much action. The "actions" were stupid and the "truths" were uneventful. I could feel the alcohol draining from my brain as the tip of the bottle pointed at Oikawa.

“Capt’ain, truth or dare ?” said a player on the team.

The brunette put a hand to his chin and pretended to think. The volleyball team was doing a drum roll, slapping their thighs. His eyes fell on me and he finally said :

“Truth.”

There were a few "boooo!" and "lame!" sounds, but the brunette looked at them all, smiling. As for me, I looked away.

“Capt’ain, are you a virgin ?”

I was tempted to sigh at how lame the question was. Seriously, he could have asked a more interesting question.

“Nope.”

His answer had the effect of making me raise my head. He was lying. I knew he was lying. I would have felt it. Except that upon reflection, I realized that cigarettes were so effective that what he was saying could very well be true. I found myself simply doubting his answer.

I didn't have time to think further because the tip of the bottle was pointed in my direction.

“Iwa, truth or dare ?”

I knew what truth he wanted to ask. He wouldn't have it, never.

“Dare.”

The corner of his lips twitched subtly downward when he heard my reply. However, it was so brief that I thought I'd imagined it. He shrugged.

“Kiss Maki.”

My train of thought broke. I must not have been the only one surprised by his dare, because I saw the light-haired on my side frown.

“Kiss Maki or answer the question. It's not complicated, the choice is yours.”

The brunette's eyes seemed to want to burn mine. They sent shivers down my spine as I stood several meters away from him. I realized that no matter what I wanted, he was the one who ruled here. But then again, I think the little alcohol I had left in my system was desensitizing me. Hanamaki must have regretted sitting next to me. Turning my head, I saw that he was already looking at me with a determined expression. He shrugged, true to form.

“He's an idiot, what do you want me to say ?” he commented.

“We don’t have to if you don't want to.” I reassured him.

“No. If it'll get him to take the broom out of his ass about this, I'll do it twice. Make him regret it, okay ?” he whispered as he brought his face closer to mine.

I nodded and placed my hand in the hollow of his jaw. I closed my eyes and gently pressed my lips to his. Hanamaki had other ideas in mind. He pulled me closer, placing one hand in my hair and the other on my chest. His dry lips moved at the same pace with mine. I let him take the reins, not knowing what to do. It felt more than weird to be kissing my friend. What would it be like if, instead of pulling light brown hair, I pulled brown hair ? What would it be like if the person I was kissing was a little taller and more muscular ? What would it be like if I ran my fingers along his back, the trails of which would be interrupted by physical therapy tape ?

Before my imagination could drift further, someone cleared their throat. I instantly backed away from Hanamaki.

“I didn't say to enjoy it. You're not fa…” said Oikawa, laughing.

“Oikawa” stopped Hanamaki

However, I could see in the brunette's eyes that there was nothing to laugh about. Glancing to the side, I saw the light-haired giving me a wry smile. What had just happened had... thrown me off. The bottle in the middle of the circle was spinning again, but the general interest seemed to have moved on. Like, for example, the grimace that currently inhabited Oikawa's features, as well as his arms, which nicely emphasized his pectorals. When he moved them slightly, pink buds appeared in my field of vision. My throat became dry.

The alcohol was making me think things I wasn't really thinking. Hanamaki must have sensed my distress because he suggested a game of beer pong/vodka pong that he would surely win. We moved away from the circle without attracting any attention. As I threw another ping pong ball randomly in the direction of the glasses in front of me, the light brown-haired asked me if I was okay. I nodded. There was a moment when the atmosphere was rather calm and then suddenly someone shouted :

“Does anyone know where Oikawa lives ? He's dead drunk.

Turning my head, I saw that he was indeed sleeping, sitting on a picnic table. I didn't answer right away.

“Go ahead, it's your chance.” Hanamaki whispered to me.

As I approached the sleeping form, I grumbled. I didn’t want to draw the group's attention to myself… I tried to see the good side of things by telling myself that I'd drop him off at his place before going home. The climax of the evening was over. There was no point in staying any longer.

The guy who'd yelled seemed surprised when I offered to take his captain back. The volleyball team asked me several questions about the nature of my relationship with him. They wanted to know how I knew something about him that they didn't yet. I ignored them and slipped an arm under the brunette's armpit. He let me do it and clung to me, putting a hand on the small of my waist. I stood straighter, showing nothing. Heat pulsed through my clothes where we were touching. He was burning. Or maybe it was the vodka that had just gone up to my head.

We left the sounds of celebration behind and walked from one end of Aoba Josai’s Elementary School grounds to the other, walking out of the school building. Well, 'walking' wasn’t the word to describe what we were doing; 'dragging' would have been more appropriate. I was walking in a sandbox when Oikawa straightened up.

“Come on, let's sit down.” he suddenly said.

He pointed at the swings. Knowing his stubborn nature, I saved time by following him without question. I didn't mind a little break; I was out of breath.

Like a big child, he took a seat on one of the swings and soar into the air. As for me, I sat beside him without moving. 

I couldn't say how long we spent like that, all I had to do was lower my head to see what time it was on my watch. The air was cool against my cheeks, pink from the drink. The movements of my feet anchored in the sand made me sway slightly on the swing. The brunette eventually calmed down and slowed down. He rested his head against one of the chains that held the seat to the metal beam above us.

“Iwa.”

“Hm ?” I simply retorted, not having the energy to construct a whole sentence to answer him.

“Why do you not like your soulmate ?”

I straightened up on my swing. The violence with which I turned my head to look at him made the blood rush to my brain too quickly. My vision became blurred for a second or two. The next moment my buttocks and back were parallel to the sandy ground. Oikawa burst out laughing when he saw that only my feet remained on the seesaw. I dropped my head to the ground, overwhelmed, and covered my eyes with my hands. I shouldn't have drunk so much. I was simply making a fool of myself in front of him.

The brunette fell silent once more, probably waiting for the answer to his question. It took me several minutes before I opened my mouth again.

“To be honest with you… I don't know anymore. The person is… she's complicated.”

My voice broke at the end of my sentence.

“Complicated to love ?”

We were alone in this large school garden. Shouts could be heard in the distance, a sign that the party was still in full swing for some. A brief flash of lucidity made me rummage in my trouser pockets to pull out my pack of cigarettes.

“Why did you start smoking ? Is it because of her ?”

I continued to search my pockets for my lighter. Before I could light the cylinder I was pinching between my lips, Oikawa snatched it from me. I frowned, not understanding his action. Well, I had to say, I didn't understand much at the moment.

“Why destroy your health ? Is it worth it ?”

I listened with half an ear as another flammable stick was fished out of the package by my fingers. The brunette did the same thing.

“Answer me Iwaizumi.”

Shivers broke out on my skin and I finally lifted my head to look at him. His eyes were much lighter than mine, maybe because of the lamppost on his right. They were a darker color than usual. I was suddenly mute. My own breathing was an unfamiliar sound to me. I took out a third cigarette without breaking our visual embrace.

“Why does it matter to you ?”

I lit the cigarette. Oikawa immediately took it from my lips and flicked it into the grass. Before I could complain, he grabbed my forearm. I barely had time to hurry to my feet before he was already pulling me toward a large building. The elementary school gymnasium, to be exact. Actually, I was more concerned with noticing that his skin was finally touching mine.

He pushed open a double door, which should have been closed, to enter the building. Our shoes squeaked on the polished floor. While I was convinced we were alone here, he dragged me further into the building. The brunette ended his mad dash in a room that was similar to any other. He pushed me into a corner and slowly my brain picked up the distress signals from my heart.

“What are you doing?” I asked, the alcohol still slowing my speech.

“What was it like kissing Maki ?”

His question was posed in a completely serious tone. It came as a cold shower to me.

“What ?”

My answer was just as serious.

“What's different about a boy's lips ? You two seemed to be having a good time.”

I was torn between wanting to run away and staying to hear what happened next. A hand gently smoothed the wrinkled collar of my shirt. My heart felt like it was about to be vomited, it was beating so fast in my chest. Maybe his hand could feel its vibration through the fabric he was touching.

“Oikawa.”

He had a quick response : grab the chain around my neck, and suddenly his breath mingled with mine. I was hot. Too hot.

“Tooru.” I whispered even though no one could hear us.

“Hajime.” he whispered back.

The word fell on my parted lips. His face was illuminated by the soft green light of the fire exit behind him. The lighting softened his features, making him look even more handsome than he already was. His jawline seemed so soft to look at that I couldn't begin to imagine what I would expect from his touch. The person standing before me was an ingenious mix of an angel and a demon. They moistened their lips without my eyes missing a single crumb of the show. Since when had I thought of him like that ? Since when did I think about voluntarily wanting to be even closer to him ? To be so close that…

“Don't be mad at me, okay ? I have to try something.”

And the hell of knowing what this heat and tingling was began.

҉

Chapter Text

Iwaizumi’s pov

It was an ocean of fire and a rain of glaciers. It was the sun against the storm. It was liberation and condemnation simultaneously. It was a new discovery and a wreck falling into ruin. It was the revelation that was actually general knowledge. It was everything I had dreamed of and all my fears combined. It was everything and nothing at the same time. It was…

Ah. That's what the old folks were talking about. I understand now. It was the bond that united me to him that made me believe that I was alive when I was only surviving until then.

The sensations currently flooding me must have been coming from the center of the Earth, given their power. It was an earthquake. Seriously. There was no other explanation for what was happening. It was cosmic. Never seen before. I was, figuratively speaking, torn between wanting him to stop touching me and wanting him to never take his hands off me. I was leaning more towards the latter for now.

The brunette held my chain firmly in one of his hands. The other was busy tying knots in my hair. I had closed my eyes before he attacked, so I could only focus on the sensations of his lips on mine. My own hands had settled on the hollow of his waist, which I had been dreaming of touching for a while. The few centimeters of height difference that previously bothered me now seemed futile. Actually, it was perfect. I couldn't have asked for anything better. It was as if my body fit together with his like the missing piece of my almost complete puzzle. What we were doing was simply right. It must have been written in stone for ages and we'd been too stubborn until now to see it.

His lips were soft and vengeful at the same time. Their furious rhythm was matched by the movements of my own. There were only them. There was only them to think about. There was only them to breathe. They gave me no take to take in even a single shred of air. This had nothing to do with Hanamaki or even what had almost happened with Alexei.

As if Oikawa had heard my thoughts, his teeth dug into my lower lip, pulling it towards him. A moan escaped my throat without my permission. However, I was too far gone for it to bother me. Right now, I was just hot. I was burning to the point of sweating, and I wanted to keep burning like that until nothing remained of me except his name.

I wanted to touch his skin in unimaginable ways. I never wanted to miss his hands again.

I tried to take control of the situation by widening the space between my lips and letting my tongue in instead. Yet, it didn't have the desired effect as I choked. The brunette put a distance between us and it suddenly seemed icy. I breathed heavily. Straining my ears, I heard that Oikawa's was similar to mine. My eyes remained closed, due to shame. I didn't want to return to the sad reality right away. The reality where my soulmate was actually a homophobic high school student for whom the mere thought of two boys kissing made him vomit.

Yet, it couldn't go on like this. This wasn't one of those fantasy novels where your ideal love fell in love with you at first sight. It was fantasy for a reason.

I could feel his scrutiny gaze through the thin skin of my eyelids. It was heavy and merciless.

My grip on the hollow of his waist loosened but remained present all the same. He tugged at the tuft of hair in his hands, and an animal whine responded to his action. Heat spread across my cheeks.

“Did you know that the skin behind your neck turns red too ?”

I shook my head and pursed my lips to keep from sinking further into ridicule. Two icy fingers rested on the spot of interest.

“It’s cute.” he added.

I tilted my head back to block his view of the area of ​​interest. 'Cute' wasn't the word I wanted him to use. I didn't want to be 'cute.' The conversation I'd had with my little sister a few hours ago came back to me. Maybe she was right after all. Maybe I had a chance if I told Oikawa about the bond we'd had over the past few weeks.

“Oikawa.”

“Hm ?”

The brunette opened the distance between us further, letting my arms fall from his tall, slender body. He yawned and stretched as if what had just happened didn't matter to him. A patch of skin appeared from the movement. My throat suddenly felt dry. I swallowed. I was no better than a poor guy in need of sex.

“Can we go home now ? I'm tired.”

These sentences had the effect of a cold shower. I fell from my pedestal. The feeling of having been used was embedded in my mind. I remained motionless where he had left me, even though Oikawa had already turned his back on me.

“Oikawa.” I repeated

He opened the door. He turned his head slightly and glanced at me like he usually did at his female fan group. However, the downward-turned corner of his smile told me there was no good intention behind this action. I felt like I was being judged for a crime I hadn't committed.

“I prefer kissing girls. At least they don't growl like a dog when I kiss them.”

He closed the door and my heart broke on the floor.

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

I had no fucking idea how I'd ended up in my bed last night. It seems I had fallen asleep relatively quickly since my phone was still in my hands. It was its fault I'd been awake anyway. Message notifications kept buzzing. My mind was still ribboned with sleep as I raised the screen to eye level with heavy eyelids.

→ From:Oikawa

faggot

→ From:Oikawa

Never do that again

→ From:Oikawa

It disgusts me

→ From:Oikawa

I never want to see you again

→ From:Oikawa

I'm going to be contaminated

→ From:Oikawa

I brushed my teeth as much as I can 

→ From:Oikawa

Bastard

This wave of hatred continued to wash over our conversation. It took me a moment or two to blink and proceed to the next steps. I blocked his number with an uncertain hand. The events of last night shattered in my memories. My hands cupped my head as I sat up in bed.

Well, his reaction was predictable. It was still violent. I suddenly felt the urge to laugh because I was willing to bet that the biggest idiot on the planet was currently on my bed. What else did I expect from the guy who graced magazine covers and kissed busty blondes without embarrassment in the hallways of school ? Vodka had made me completely illogical. I had no chance of succeeding, let alone the idea that it might one day be an "us." 

I wasn't even an option, so I was even less of a solution.

I felt my lower lip tremble at the thought.

My soulmate wasn't even attractive. Why bother so much ?

As I slowly regained my senses, I took in the smell of alcohol trapped in my clothes and a pounding headache. Yet, I had no desire to leave my bed. I lay back down on it. The curtains by my window hadn't been drawn last night, letting the sun's rays pierce through the glass. It was the kind of day to go outside, to run my usual 7km run, to do barbecue with Hana, to drink a Coke on the apartment balcony. I didn't want to do either of these things.

Couldn't it rain today ?

As the idea of ​​closing the shutters and pretending that night had already fallen formed in my head, someone entered my room.

“Get up.”

She was the last person I wanted to talk to. Although, no, not the last, the second to last.

I didn't answer her. Maybe she'll leave.

“Hajime.”

I turned to show her my back.

“Hana asked you to make her cake. Make an effort for her birthday.”

The door to my room closed after these brief words. I froze. I had completely forgotten that it was my little sister's birthday today. I had only been awake for a few minutes and I was eager to go back to sleep. I was tempted to follow this idea, however I didn't have the heart to disappoint my little sister. If I didn't make her birthday cake even though I didn't have a present, I would make a poor brother.

With a heavy heart, I went to the bathroom to restore some dignity to myself. A cold shower allowed me to clear my train of thought. I quickly brushed my teeth to get rid of the alcohol residue and swapped my shirt for a loose-fitting one. Once I was more presentable, I made my way through the family apartment, which had been completely transformed since yesterday. I had the answer to my unspoken question a few seconds later :

“I invited my friends over to eat my birthday’s cake.”

Turning around, I noticed my little sister on the couch reading a book. Her eyes scanned me up and down before her lips curled into a pout. I cleared my throat and wished her a happy birthday with what I hoped was a genuine smile.

“I didn't sleep well.” I said before she could even ask me.

I quickly moved on to something else before she wanted to get into details. Glancing at the clock mounted on a kitchen wall, I discovered it was already well into the afternoon. A strawberry shortcake seemed like the most suitable cake, given what was left in our cupboard. I had no particular talent for baking, but I liked to think I was good with my hands. 

Hana hovered around the table like a fly around a bowl of fruit. I shooed her away the same way I would have for an insect. With the precision of an architect, I gradually created meticulous designs with a piping bag filled with whipped cream. Every last particle of my attention was focused on the work in front of me. Once finished, I admired my work before putting the fruits of my labors in the fridge until snack time.

As the used kitchen tools were carried to the sink, a sigh escaped me. The next moment, a white finger emerged into my field of vision. I was far too surprised by its appearance to stop it from spreading the remaining whipped cream on my poor nose. The guilty party burst out laughing at the sight of my face. I turned my head extremely slowly before resting my eyes on hers. Hana was doubled over.

“But what are…”

I was interrupted by another burst of laughter from her. For a few seconds, I smiled in spite of myself. Inserting my own finger into the cream that hadn't yet cleaned the utensils, I drew a line on her forehead.

“Simba.” I commented

“Rudolph.”

I shook my head and waved off her nonsense. My little sister stood next to me and started washing my dishes.

“I clean, you dry.” she explained casually.

At that moment, I realized how lucky I was to have someone other than my mother to share this home with. I couldn't have been more grateful.

°~°~° ~°~° ~°~° ~°~°

Everything that followed that day seemed logical. First of all, I never set foot in high school again. With the final exams over, the seniors had no reason to come back except for club activities. This was perhaps the only time I was glad I wasn't in any of them. Then, the next day, while it was still light, I had gone to hand in my resignation notice at "Roses”. My boss was surprised by my decision but eventually let it go. When he asked me, "Is your friend resigning too ?" I quickly ran away. It no longer concerned me. He was no longer a friend, but a stranger.

I smoked so many cigarettes that the smell stuck to my fingers even after washing them.

Wanting to get rid of any thoughts of Oikawa, I left the book he'd lent me in the mailbox of his mansion. If the book got wet or damaged, it wasn't my fault anymore. If it had been up to me to decide its fate, I would have resold it online for a profit. For some reason, I preferred to play it safe. Knowing the brunette, he could have easily taken me to court for this damned book, so I might as well give it back to him properly. I wasn't looking for trouble. I just wanted to get rid of it, like its owner.

I was distracting myself. I was thinking about other things that were of no importance.

After a certain number of days, I settled into a completely ordinary summer vacation routine consisting of 5km of running, two hours in the gym, and the rest of the day spent pacing around in my room. It wasn't taxing, it was long, boring, repetitive. In short, I wasn't going to do that all my life.

My alter ego's presence was felt most at night around 10 p.m. His touch was overwhelming, sudden, and burning for a few minutes before disappearing as if it had never existed. Despite myself, I had succumbed to the temptation to follow his example more times than I would have liked. It was stronger than me. Before, I was afraid he would guess he was linked to a boy... Now I didn't care anymore. If it wasn't possible to have a relationship with my soulmate, at least I could take some advantage of what connected us to each other.

During one of my many jogs to clear my head, I had the misfortune of crossing paths with the brunette. He must have been about twenty meters away from me when I first laid eyes on his face. From the distance, his features were blurred. Yet I was convinced it was him even before he fully took shape. As we got closer to each other, this impression was confirmed by the simple pink stripes stuck to his neck. He seemed to understand the situation rather late because the moment he glanced in my direction, he turned 90° to go right. I stayed impassive and continued my run as if nothing had happened. It was only several minutes later that I realized how far from home the brunette was, even for a jog.

When he saw me, he frowned.

A week after the event, and after much thought, as Yuzu had asked me to, I went to the library. The so-called businesswoman must not have been working that day because I didn't see her once in the building. It took me more than 5 minutes to find the book I had come looking for. Once "The Origin of the Bond" was in my hands, I took a seat at one of the tables provided. Given the early hour, the only customers at that time were the students from the university next door..

I immersed myself in my reading, eager for new information. The last time I came here, I had stopped at chapter 6, "How to reduce the effects of the bond?". With the ideas of silver jewelry and anti-sensations cigarettes now gone, I turned to the last page of this chapter to discover chapter 7, entitled "Enough is Enough." I rather agreed with the title. Enough is Enough. Although our duo with Oikawa had little chance of ever happening, I now knew it would never see the light of day.

«…you've already tried the methods mentioned in the previous chapter, and they're not enough. After careful consideration and many attempts on your part to make things work between you and your soulmate, you realize that there's really nothing you can do about the invisible bond that unites you. Unfortunately, there are always rare exceptions to the rule... However, don't let yourself get down! It's not your fault if you're tied to a psychopath or a womanizer.

To be honest with you, we can't completely get rid of the bond because it's an integral part of us. However, there are more or less reliable methods we can use to make it less so present.You will have to compare the bond that unites you to this person as an addiction. Your desensitization will be long and you will succumb to its temptation sometimes. That’s okay. You must therefore arm yourself with courage and draw up a list of the harmful things that the bond brings you.

First of all, you have to convince yourself that the connection is immaterial and that the sensations you feel don't exist. You can make your partner's fingers look like wind or your own hands wandering.

It has also been repeatedly shown that the physical distance between two soulmates impacts its intensity. This is why I advise you to move when you are trying to move on. Certain places can unlock certain memories you have been trying to create with each other. It's the dog biting its own tail. Don't put yourself through this pain, just leave.

If the situation makes this change of environment impossible, then occupy yourself with another activity. Go for a walk, play sports, read, watch TV... You must ignore these sensations because, remember, they only exist in your head.

You also need to express yourself about the ups and downs of this "reconversion." Some prefer to talk about it, others to write or draw it. It's up to you to decide what's the best way for you to express yourself. Psychologists specializing in addictions can give you some tips if that's not enough.

There is no medication or treatment that can help you in this journey. Your allies will be your motivation, your perseverance, and your acceptance of your situation.

Don't beat yourself up if you don't get it right the first time. These steps are long and require a lot of energy. Your life is not limited to your alter ego, you are “ego” above all!»

As my eyes fell on the final exclamation point, I slumped back in my chair. So, according to the book, I should take a plane, exercise, and be selfish.

Well, to begin with, what I needed right now was money. If I had two jobs, I would be out of the country twice as fast. Since there was no way I was going to set foot back into "Roses" I found myself dropping off my CV here and there for odd jobs that no one wanted. Some seemed more interesting than others, like the small business that made and sold their own French pastries or the one as a cook in a cafe-restaurant called "The Moon " in which there was only one anxious waiter and his grumpy boss. However, I had a feeling that of all the businesses I'd left my contact information at, the cafe-restaurant was the one most likely to accept me. I still hadn't heard back from them yet, so I continued this adventure by going into the local supermarket to ask if they needed an extra cashier.

I was bending over to pick up a jar of Italian tomato sauce when I heard a voice I thought I'd left behind in high school.

“Can you explain to me why you shop so far from home ?”

I turned around to discover Hanamaki in all its splendor.

“This store sells the best milk bread in the entire region.”

I didn't even know this supermarket sold milk bread.

My eyes fell upon the individual who accompanied him. It should have been a crime to wear gym shorts with a t-shirt so baggy that a collarbone was showing.

“Always exaggerating, Oikawa. Tell me again why I have to come with you ?”

His eye roll could be heard just by his voice. As for me, I stood there frozen, still unknown to them.

My soulmate, not attractive. Liar. My heart seemed to whisper, drumming in my chest.

I had to get out of here quickly. Before he saw me.

I picked up the jar of sauce I'd come looking for. However, it crashed to the ground in my haste. This unfortunately attracted the attention of two passersby. Pretending I hadn't noticed their duo, I picked up the largest pieces of glass... which quickly ended up on the ground a second time due to a sharp edge that had scalped the tip of my thumb.

“Get out!” the supermarket owner chased me away.

Well, I guess my slim chances of getting hired as a cashier here were now reduced to zero.I pressed a finger to the cut on my thumb to stop the little blood flow that was occurring. Following the store owner's orders, I quickly went outside. Once I judged the distance separating me from this place satisfactory, my steps became shorter.

“Iwaizumi, wait!”

For some reason, I did as I was told.

“What do you want Hanamaki?”

The light-haired man trotted towards me. When he arrived in front of me, he raised his hands in the air as if to declare his innocence.

“Nice to see you too.”

“What do you want?” I mumbled.

All I wanted to do was go home and not leave my room until the next day.

“How are you ?”

I frowned.

“I'm fine”

His gaze became insistent, as if to force me to confess my lie. I ended up staring at a road sign behind him. Without warning, he took my hand. I removed it from his grasp before slapping the one that had touched me.

“But what are you doing?”

I glared at him to punctuate my anger. Hanamaki didn't answer me. The sharp edges of something in my palm made me open it. A sticky note from the convenience store with a hastily scribbled phone number.

I looked up, taken aback. Before a "what" could leave my lips, he interrupted me.

“It would be a shame to lose touch. I'm here just for the holidays.”

I shook my head and tried to give him the paper back.

“Your soulmate is Oikawa.” he insisted.

I stood still again. I quickly checked our surroundings to make sure there were no prying ears.

“I am taking steps to ensure that it is no longer the case.”

It was his turn to have incomprehension written all over his face.

“I'm going to leave the country.”

The light brown-haired man shook his head.

“Give him time.”

Despite myself, a nervous chuckle escaped me.

“Honestly, Hanamaki, you…”

“I know. But one day, he will come around.” he interrupted me.

“He just insults me.”

Involuntarily to my thoughts, my hand ran through my hair. A phantom hand replicated the movement and a shiver ran down my spine. Damn connection.

“He doesn't even know it's him.”

“All the more reason to wait.” he continued.

I gave him back his tiny scribbled piece of paper that he didn't want to take back.

“No. Keep it. We'll keep in touch.”

I crumpled the paper in my fist.

“What does it matter to you?”

The light brown-haired man shrugged.

“I still think you're someone's soulmate for a reason.”

My interlocutor’s phone vibrated, and I rolled my eyes when I saw the name on the screen.

“Why do you keep hanging out with him anyway?”

He shrugged again. This had the ability to annoy me.

“I think he needs someone who listens to him.”

With these words, which he seemed to want to be mysterious, he turned and disappeared down a street.

҉