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Chapter Text

How did it end up this way?

How did I end up pinned against the wall by a man half a foot shorter than me? In my own apartment no less, where not another foot aside from maintenance people and my own had stepped through. He could barely reach my lips without getting on his toes, yet he powered over me. Controlled my mind, and my body. No one has ever done that to me before...

It started just yesterday, when Coach Barristan yelled in my face during the second intermission of our game. I've never seen the joyous old man so irritable, though granted, his day wasn't going well to begin with. Baldwin had contracted food poisoning that morning, forcing coach to put Junia, in his opinion our weakest player, on the ice to replace goalie. Then our team manager Alhazred got in his face before our match would begin, something about uniform standards and possible safety penalties. Unsure who he would be referring to, but coach was displeased, though visibly civil. Now, however, I've caught the last match in his fiery heart, and he is putting his finger to my chest hoping his rage-filled words get into my head.

I was apparently costing our team an easy win, despite us being neck and neck with the opposing away team. He expected much of me, too much, and my supposed 'unstable temper' is causing our team to play unbalanced. I was good at shoving our enemy into the walls, but I was also extremely talented at getting in my teammates' way. Boudica especially seemed to be nodding particularly aggressively as she stood in the distance behind coach's balding skull.

I don't usually get in my head about my mistakes. One, I didn't think my more forward play style was a mistake. It was more of an asset than a liability, regularly playing defense offensively, and letting my teammates score our goals now that I've gotten our opposition out of their way. Two, I don't take screaming well. I heard too much of it in my brief time in the army, and usually veteran Coach Barristan is good about keeping his temper with me. Not this time, apparently, and the rest of the team took note.

Boudica, of course, enjoyed the revelry. She played aggressively, too, but with little strategy, I hate to insult. Willam and Missandei were particularly abhorred by the confrontation, Tardif was as expressionless as usual but gave a concerned twist of his brow, Damian pretended to ignore it while staring at the ice, and Junia was entirely shaken. Poor Sister. I kept my mouth shut, even with his words boiling my blood. I waste no time arguing with authority, and knowing coach, he'd be apologizing the next morning. I was his best player.

After his rage subsided, he left the team be for our well deserved break. The enemy was quite formidable, despite coach's note of their reputation of losses and turnovers. He too easily grows a big head, he must blame himself for not pep-talking us better. Though it would be a good time for a huddle, he seemed to have given up, not a good sign for our morality. I kept my distance from the rest of my peers, thinking they might not want to talk to me, but moreso I could not talk to them. My head was killing me...

My migraines have gotten worse and worse ever since the season began, my usual horse-killing medication wasn't even helping me this time. Have I become immune to it? Must I have to invest in something stronger...? I hated to rely on drugs, manmade or natural, as I enjoy the way I am. God made my body and mind, and it is beyond me why He has punished it during my most important years. No doctors had answers, every type of exercise, diet, and meditation have no change or made me worse off. Perhaps I may have to consult the team doctor for prescription medication, over the counter doesn't appear to be rid of my ailment for more than an hour. Good thing that is how much remains of this match, then I can eat, pray, and go to sleep.

I ingest my electrolytes and dig through my bag, shifting past my civilian clothes and extra padding to find the bottle. I found it easier to open it with my gloves on, but when I poured out its contents into my hand, there was only one tablet.

One single tablet out of the four I usually take to last me the night. I could feel the cold sticking to my face, my red cheeks have gotten pale as I stared down at my horrid predicament. Consuming this is as good as taking nothing at all, to think I could be saved from the stadium's sounds and the loud heartbeat in my chest.

Breathe, Rey, breathe...

Stress will only make it worse. I am God's creation, I have nothing to be scared of. I must not let the shallow desire of a winning game nor the frivolous disappointment of my friends and coach leave my body broken and hollow. Perhaps they will understand, though my reliance on artificial substance is unknown to anyone but myself. The only feeling that freezes me still is shame, reason why I cannot ask anyone else if they have headache suppressors as well. They may think I'm an addict.

All I can do is pray, hands over my jaw, eyes wired shut. I slip the last pill into my mouth as I pick my head up and chug the rest of my beverage. I trust I will be given my post-match hydration after I inevitably pass out. Maybe I should take coach's advice, play in the backlines, be a true team player...

...

God and flame, we're farther behind than we were.

Every time I blink over at the score, the other team's number goes higher and higher. How is that even possible? Only a few seconds would pass with each blink, yet it's climbing. Time is moving faster, and I'm slowing down. Perhaps it's too late to realize this, there is no way we can win.

But wasn't winning just a superficial desire?

It is, but...I'm so damn greedy.

We were undefeated ever since our team was established. Perhaps in a matter of a couple more wins, we could be national. International...and we can't win because I'm going through withdrawal. My aggression is my weapon, I'm falling back to weakness. Even worse than weakness; uselessness.

I'm not a violent man. I'm not...

...Yet somehow, I'm surrounded by my teammates in my next blink, blood dripping from my nostril and through my facial hair. Stick on both hands held perpendicular to my body, yet it doesn't stop my peers from ambushing me at all sides. They're full of cheer, pure ecstacy...

We...won?

I don't remember a damn thing, but we pulled through by the skin of our teeth. One point determined it all, and though I didn't make the final shot, I shoved the adversary away from the one who did, Boudica.

"I shoulda never doubted ya!" She jostled my shoulder as we sat down at the concessions tables, confronted with a full array of fried chicken and crispy falafel, alongside every reasonable side to each respective dish. What a great day to be alive...

"I was honestly starting to think you were gonna die," Damian presented the paper plates to the table with coach behind him holding the cups and utensils. "Is your nose okay?"

"I'm fine," I checked my nose again to see if any blood had leaked out. It was a relatively short episode, though I felt my panic was reasonable given I haven't had a nose bleed since I was in a real battlefield. "Just...tired is all."

"Good that your home is only a walking distance away," Junia prepared her plate, or I thought she was. She kept talking as she handed her finished plate to me. "You are not fit to drive. Here, you need everything you can get to regain your strength."

"Oh, Sister, thank you," I bowed my head at her. "I appreciate your concern, but do not put me above yourself. You also need your energy replenished."

"Please, I didn't work even half as hard," she shook her head.

"Ah, don't discount yourself, Junia!" Willam pulled her arm. "You did some stellar goalie work! Maybe a little skittish, but perhaps that's what we were missing from Baldwin."

"Oh, I wished he was with us," Missandei added as they were talking about their sick teammate. "N-Not because he's a better goalie than you, Junie! I just mean he'd be proud."

"Aha, it's okay, Missy, I know I'm not the best," Junia poured herself some fruit punch from the comically large jug that was bigger than her torso. "So many pucks slipped past me."

"It's an improvement, and that's all that matters," Coach finally gained back his smile. No matter how frustrated he'd be at us, our wins always bring a smile to his face. "Baldwin can't even see half of them come at him anyways, it's his size and lady luck that blocks most of them!"

Coach laughs, Alhazred next to him clearly not pleased with him talking behind his team member's' back. "Now that is uncalled for, Barristan."

"Oh he jokes about it, too, doesn't mind the jabs since he can't help it. I know not to make fun of the impaired," Coach patted the team manager's back. "Speaking of impaired; Rey, I just called in an appointment with you and Doc for tomorrow afternoon before huddle."

"W-...Why? But I am okay." Was it really that obvious? He changed the entire tone of the table, coach is making it seem like I would've collapsed on the ice. I mean, I felt like it, but...

"Maybe that's what the rest of them are telling you, but me and Hazred noticed you were wobbling like a damn penguin! I thought you slept your eight last night."

"I did--w-why didn't you ask me first?" I don't mean to talk back to coach, but I couldn't help it. This was humiliating.

"Oh, soldier, I know you," Coach patted me on the back before stealing one of my fries. "I'm rough on you because I know you. You'd say what you're sayin' now--Oh, I'm fine, sir. I am okay, coach', and you're not. So let me take care of ya, 'cause you surely can't take care of yourself."

He does know me too well, he's like my mother.

"It's true, Rey," Missandei spoke up. "Yes, you're really good, but you're pushing yourself like crazy."

"Can't rely on God and testosterone to keep you alive," Tardif told me from across the table.

"Okay, don't say it like that," Willam patted his friend's forearm. "We're just concerned about you, buddy. You gotta take it easy. We got a week until our next practice, use that time to...just chill?"

I groaned, but they're all objectively right, but I didn't have time to engage these thoughts in silence. A full group came into our late-night dining area, but no one we haven't seen before. It's the figure skaters, they must've finished their rehearsal at the smaller practice rink. One can only hope they don't steal our well deserved feast, but their team captain has a finger tied around coach and Alhazred. Maybe that's why we have so much of it, but with me and Boudica at the table, we'll easily clear the entire supply. Junia and Missandei may have to help her with the vegan options, though, she doesn't believe in non-animal protein.

And perhaps coach also accounted for that, too, as the slender dancers seem to be keeping away from our table while chatting up the room. Maybe their physique comes from staying away from grease and processed wheat, perhaps they already had their considerably healthier meal before.

Then Willam looks at me after the figure skaters steal the room's attention, eyebrows raised. "Find yourself a nice girl to take care of you. Get your mind off the game for a different type of game--"

"Oh, shut up, mince for brains," Missandei throws the back of her hand to his shoulder pad. "If anything, girls will stress him out more."

"Okay, you can't say anything. Your ex-girlfriend is on the figure skating team," Willam spoke with a slight whisper, which Missy didn't care to match even with them in near ear-shot.

"Yes, and I'm speaking to him from experience," she drills her stare right into my soul, "If you were to look for a girl, go somewhere else. Don't do a figure skater."

"I don't plan..." I was going to respond succinctly, as I didn't have any intention of finding a woman, but I see someone...

Words cannot be put together to describe who was in front of me...

...Enchanting?

That was what he was. He was the first male figure skater I've seen in this team aside from the captain, but maybe I've missed him in the past.

No, I couldn't have. He must be new. I would've remembered such a beautiful person.

I feel like such an idiot watching him face away from me, foot propped up on the bench while his backside was the first thing caught in my vision. Perversion aside, he was just so gorgeous in that sparkling skin-tight suit. Heavy shoulders, but a dainty frame, yet not so boxy as a typical man naturally is. His waist was curved in ever so slightly, hips jutted out, down to a taper of his thighs to his knees, then belled out again around his calves. I followed up once he picked up his head, where he revealed to me his toffee skin, beaded with glittering sweat. Or perhaps, actual glitter, as his hair was also sprinkled with the reflective material. Dark, jet black hair, slicked back and fallen down to a taper fade blended in just above his neck. I could only catch the side of his face before I had to turn away--he caught me.

"Rey?" Junia lifted her brow as she paused the spoonful of mashed potatoes at her mouth.

Before the table could turn to look, the beautiful man had already exposed me. "Heh, check it out. One of the bucket heads has never seen a male figure skater before," he mocked me to the rest of his team. Even insulting me, his voice is so lovely.

"Tsk, Barry, we talked about your muscle heads looking at my girls!" The other man, Captain Sarmenti, sneered across the room.

"Eh, to be fair, he's not a girl," Coach still brought himself to my side, "but I'll take care of it. Sorry, Sarmenti"

"Ah-!" I didn't expect him to smack me at the back of my head. By God, my head...

"Keep your ogglin' to yourself, you were one of my good ones!" Coach whisper-yelled into my ear, also not helping my headache. "It's 2025, dammit, same reason why Miss, Boudica, And June are here."

"Ah yes, not for skill and dedication, but because it's current year," Missandei rolled her eyes.

Coach walked away before I could even explain myself, but...what I would say wouldn't make things better for me. Everyone else at the table knew anyways, I'm terrible at hiding things. Especially with my brain melting apart.

"Are you serious?" Willam leaned in, trying not to let the team right behind him listen. "Not even someone with nice tits or a fat ass? Just...a plank?"

"With a cock," Tardif reiterated. "You could see it through his morph suit."

"Guys, please..." I begged them. I begged them to move on from this.

"Yeah, seriously, this is no place to judge," Junia fought in my defense. "He's had a hard enough day. No need to make fun of him."

Willam shook his head, "I'm not, making fun of him, I'm blah blah brah, mrah grum grawm grah..."

Oh no, words were turning incoherent. I tried to read Willam's lips, then Junia's lips, then Missandei's lips, then a couple of the girls' lips as they all judgementally stared me down...but I can't understand them. I can hardly feel myself in this room anymore. I've lost my hearing, hardly any vision could sustain itself, and I lost my appetite. I had to leave, there was no way to smooth my way out of this in my state.

I get up, move my legs out from the bench with a tumble, and start walking.

Then I blinked, and I was in a drug store. This store was just next door to the arena, running 24/7 for the people living the night life. I am a regular patron, that's why even during my blackout, I stood in front of the pain medication like it was a routine. Two bottles in each hand, both different, as my subconscious seemed to be in the middle of finding a new strain. They were all the same, I knew deep down, but what if the next brand helped me better?

I was the only one here until I heard the ring of the door, then I felt a presence walk on the other side of the shelf behind me. I didn't pay them any mind, I was sweating between a rainbow of decisions. This was making my head worse...

"Just a couple Black &  Milds . Red wine flavor, please."

"There's a sale if you get four."

"Ah, bad week for me, but I got a performance in a few days. Gotta keep my head sharp."

'"Two fourteen."

I'm only getting more distracted listening to their conversation, just choose one. The last one I got will do fine, but what if the others make me feel amazing? Which ones would that be? I would Google it, but everybody is different. I don't want to waste my money again. God, I'm overthinking it--

"Hey, big guy."

The voice jolted the bottles out of my hand and proceeded to knock down a couple more off the shelf, too. My clunky hands...

He laughed, "Need help?"

As I kneeled down to grab my mess, I turned to face the intruder, and...it's him.

"Guh--," I scoot my feet away out of instinct. He was even cuter and glittery-er up close. "I--I got it." I couldn't even look him in the eye, "Thanks."

"Heh, sorry for scaring ya," he stood back up, towering over me with the plastic bag hung over his forearm like a handbag. He was still wearing his sparkling dancer suit, though now with puffy coat, yet I could still see how his clothes accentuated every curve.

Stop. Looking.

But I couldn't help but notice he liked my stares, I would see just in my peripheral a smirk form on the corner of his lip. "Well...I'll stop bothering you then. See you."

Then he stepped away, walking back the same way he came as my accident took up half the walking space of the store. Thank goodness no one else was here, except the clerk I suppose.

After I cleaned and organized the shelf as best as I remembered, I picked up one of my promising options and planted it in front of the clerk. He scanned me up and I gave him a fifty, despite the bottle costing me thirty-five. I told him to keep the change, hoping he could read that it was hush money for any of mine or his teammates that ask about the embarrassing encounter. I doubt they would know a lick about it, but I wanted to make sure.

And then I left, ready to sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

SLEEP!

I sigh out from the bottom of my stomach as I shove a pillow over my face. The headache was gone, a miracle, the most normal I felt in my life, but I was awake. Awake awake. What was in that medicine?

...Caffeine.

I looked at that warning label under the flashlight of my phone and nearly wanted to slam my head against the wall. Not only am I under the effects of pain suppressors, but also a substance I haven't had since I was in high school. I'm becoming more of a druggie every day.

For the sake of my neighbors, I did not bash my head into the wall. Instead I try to kill time. I didn't have practice, only that stupid doctor's appointment at two in the afternoon. If I slept soon, I'd wake up by then, and hopefully I could crash out right after I'm done. It took me so long to get my sleep schedule in order, how could I be so unaware? I suppose I'll still keep the pills for a morning supplement, but horrible for the night. Absolutely dreadful.

I microwaved a bowl of popcorn and watched a movie, then got bored and scrolled on my phone, then got bored again and did some stretches. Took a warm shower, prayed, meditated, organized my spice rack, resorted my books, re-resorted my books, read a book, got bored three pages in, went back to bed, couldn't sleep, stared out the window in shame, ate a bowl of cereal. Three hours passed, and no progress...

My mind was buzzing, but not aching. Just a different type of annoyance. I have no other option; I needed to get on the ice.

The arena is open twenty-four hours, and entering back into the city square, you wouldn't think it was one in the morning. This is a college town afterall, nearly every establishment is constantly open or at least most active in the night. College is far past me now, but that just means the security guards respect me more as they watch me enter the building. I know I was told to take it easy, but my headache was the core issue. Now that it was gone, I had every right to hone my skills. I just needed to hear and feel the scraping of the ice under my feet, and the tap tap tap of the puck dribbling between my hockey stick. It is my comfort...

But low and behold, someone took my idea of using the larger rink. A figure skater...God, it can't be.

I would leave, but I was transfixed. The performer glided on the ice with such elegant speed and perfect trajectory that I didn't know was possible. Arms posed in front of him like a ballet dancer, head ever so slightly dropped back with eyes watching the path in front of him. He made it look so easy.

I recognized him instantly, even with a completely new change of clothes. His hair wasn't done up or sparkly anymore, but frayed out and stuck in all sorts of directions, even with the wind flowing across his body. His dark gray hoodie was large on him, masking his immaculate form, but he still had tight fitted stockings sculpting his legs. I decided to sit down in the middle height of the audience seats, my duffel bag sat next to me as I watched in silence. How have I encountered this stranger for the third time today? Unless the world is trying to tell me something...

Eventually, he noticed me, as his head picked up towards my direction while his body was still in motion. Yet he didn't stop, not for a while, performing spins and jumps and jump spins before finally slowing down to a stop. Was this part of his practice, or was he just showing off to me? He scraped his thin skates to a halt right in my field of view, then approached the wall. That was my queue.

"You know, this rink was originally built with ice skaters in mind," he projected his voice through the clear acrylic wall. "The ice is softer and there're signs of the old railing. So if you wanna kick me out, I thought you should know the facts."

"Well, you certainly educated me," I leaned my arm up on the wall and stared him down. "I did not know that, I've always wondered why it gets so wet and slippery. I'm not kicking you out, though, you just beat me to my favorite rink."

"So you don't mind getting wet and slippery?" The figure skater smirked. "That wasn't meant to be a dirty joke, but hey, it ended up that way."

"Certainly did," I shrug. "Could you not sleep either?"

"I never went to bed," he started walking to the exit door to supposedly meet me with real, open air. "This is an everyday, maybe more every other day, thing for me. I like practicing when no one's around, makes me less insecure."

"Sorry," I watched as he pulled off the laces of his skates and threw them off like sandals.

"Don't mind at all, it's only for the other performers. You probably thought I looked fucking great out there," he leaned up against the wall to catch himself as his foot made proper contact with the ground.

"I did," I knelt down to pick up his carelessly tossed skates. They were name brand, too, how ungrateful, "but frankly, it wasn't your performance that made me feel that way about you."

He smiled, clearly flustered as he looked off to the side. "Did you take some sort of big-dick pill after I saw you at the convenience store? Not in a million years did I think that boy could flirt."

"It was headache medication, with a high dose of caffeine," I admitted to him as I handed him his skates back. "Tonight was honestly horrible, I spent hours in bed trying to sleep. I'm honestly just happy I have someone to talk to."

"Hm," he took back his skates and held them to his chest. "Well, I am, too. Only so much quiet and loneliness can comfort a man. Ice is all yours, I'm starting to feel a cramp."

The elusive figure skater walks past me and to his belongings, silent but clearly emitting a want for more conversation. I can tell he didn't like to step on people's toes, as I'm the same way. He must be as nervous as I am to talk to him, too.

"You were amazing, by the way," I finally proclaimed some twenty feet away from him. "I've watched the big games with figure skaters as the halftime shows, and not one of them stood out to me as much as you did."

"Heh, it's 'cause I'm a dude," he explained bluntly. "Even our captain isn't a figure skater, just some theater teacher with too many crazy stunt ideas to count. This place isn't like the big screen shows, where my type is more prevalent."

"Gender is hardly a boundary here, even my male-dominated sport has three women out of eight members in our team."

"Well, it's different," he sat down to slip on his regular shoes. "On this side of the arena, any man is called a prissy bitch. Even a slut, or a cock-sucking drag queen, for the way I dress out there. Hockey isn't my thing, I'm built for dancing. I like the art, it makes me feel good...but it doesn't like me."

...I had no words. Never had I thought it would be so difficult the other way around, but it made sense. A woman joining a masculine sport is applauded, but a man joining a feminine sport is usually demeaned. I could see the pain in his eyes, even as he kept his lighthearted smile while tying his shoes. Is this why I've never seen him before?

"Don't mean to bum you out," he pulled my head out of my thoughts. "It's just the norm, and it'll probably change in the next five, ten, fifty years. I'm not letting it bother me, I know I'm a bad bitch in shiny polyester."

"Confidence is important in this society," I approach closer and sit by him, yet keeping my distance. "You're quite incredible, no matter if you were a man or a woman."

"Starting to think you're biased towards my manly self, though," he bended one knee up to his chin while planting his heel to the metal bench. "Is it a big secret? It looked like your people didn't know."

"They never asked, but my coach picked up that I don't stare at the women as much as the other guys. It was only so obvious when you came up."

"Sorry," he frowned.

"Oh, it's not a big deal. My church doesn't look down on homosexuality, so I never intended to keep it a secret. I just never thought to bring it up."

"Suppose that's fair. Hope your teammates don't look at you differently."

"No no, they're great men and women. Our Missandei is openly lesbian."

"I know, Margaret shits on her all the time," he begins to laugh. "Sheesh, exes playing in the same stadium. Wonder what happened to them."

"I try not to think about my teammates' personal dealings. I wouldn't want the same done to me."

"I'm so nosy, but I get it," he sighs, not sure what more to say. I don't even know what to say. "So you're gonna throw on your armor and give me a show of your own?"

"Mm, no, not anymore," I scratch my arm. "I was told to take a break until our next meet. I just thought the physical exhaustion would put me to sleep faster."

"Then what's your game plan now? Obviously you're not trying to go to bed again," it was like he was trying to plant seeds in my mind, but not wanting to ask me directly. He really must be lonely if he wants to engage with a boring sap like me more.

"I don't know. What do you plan to do?" I follow his line of thought.

"Usually at this time of night, I'm plastered," he stares up at me. "You drink, Christian boy?"

"Not too often, I usually only have a drink when I'm with my team."

"You think it'd make your head worse if you had one with me?" Silky smooth.

"Not at all. If it did, your presence would balance out the displeasure."

"Hahaha," he giggled, a sound I didn't think could come out of his forward voice. It was adorable. "Oh, it's been a long time..."

"Since what?" I ask with a puzzled, concerned furrow. Did I do something wrong?

"Since...I had a guy make me feel this way," his shoulders were pressed into the sides of his neck. "I don't like being sappy, but...it's been hard for me to find a kind person."

"That's surprising, you're so kind yourself," I stand up and hold out my hand. "Any man worth his salt would be a fool to pass you up."

"Well...I guess every man is a fool, and you know your salt level well," the figure skater takes my hand, his soft skin scraping against my calloused palms. "I know a good place, a chill meadery. I don't take you for the loud party type."

"If you are, I'm willing to open my mind to it," I pull up my bag over my shoulder as I keep contact with him with my other hand.

"Nah, I don't think it'd be appropriate," he held his backpack by the small strap and tightened his grip on me. "I wanna know more about that weird mind of yours."

-

He unraveled me. The figure skater pulled me apart from the inside as he offered me his devil's drink, a flight of sweet honey wine that completely stifled my senses. Over and over in my head I was asking myself 'What has gone over me?', letting myself fall open to a person I haven't even spent a whole day of knowing. There was an irresistible facet of his soul, something I've never seen in someone. This wasn't blind attraction, he picked up on everything about me even when I didn't say a word. I didn't hesitate to kiss him when the opportunity arose, even while our booth was out in the open to a dozen other people. I almost thought I was being drugged, I was so willing to sacrifice everything for him.

And by the time we were in my apartment, in my messy bed and tangled under sweat-covered sheets...I never even asked for his name.

"Dismas," he chuckled. I already knew what he looked like nude before I even knew his first name, and he knew how loud and desperate my moans were before he knew mine.

"Rey," I stroked his hair while he laid under me, his insides surrounding me. "I--I wanted to call out for you, but I didn't know..."

"All good," he sighed, grinning as he rolled his hips. "I sorta liked the mystery, but...it would be nice to know whose fat cock was inside me. God," he leaned his head back against the pillow, "you don't gotta be so gentle with me."

"I'm not trying to, I..." A big pit of insecurity was dug into my chest. "I just haven't done this in a while."

"I figured," Dismas teased, but his voice fell back into his throat once I sunk in again. "Fuckk, but you make up for it, big guy. I'm just sayin', I know I look like a dainty thing."

As his arms wrapped around the back of my neck, I felt compelled to fall down on his lips once again. I can't not treat him like a delicate prince, I already felt like I was folding him .in two. Then again, he does seem disappointed in my performance, even as he relishes in every inch of me. I'm so sweaty...

In the heat of the moment, I hike my legs up under his thighs and force his body off the bed, just briefly enough to revel in the curves of his back. He shivers and squirms, whining into my lips like he didn't just ask for this. As I pull and push harder, his sharp nails drag across my back. My body was under attack, so I gripped my opponent harder, like I was pushed against the wall with my teeth gritted into a mouth guard. In place of a passionate love was hardened anger, even when there was no threat aside from my heart being stolen. I could easily break him, he had to be half my weight, half my strength, but he urged for more. He was pulling my hair for more.

I pump my hips in faster, deeper, and his thighs tighten around my waist. His grip on me makes it harder to pull out of him, even with half a bottle of lube and plenty of prep time, but it felt amazing. It was as if I was in a lucid dream while he moaned and stuttered my name, and I of course said his in return, now that I know it. To be so attached, emotionally and physically, to a person I only met mere hours ago was completely foreign to me, maybe even morally wrong. It's nothing I would want to brag about, but I had no desire to tell anyone me and Dismas's little secret. That thrilled me more.

"Get off," then suddenly my heart shattered.

"What?" I breathe out, stilling my thrusts.

"I need-- ah, keep fucking me. I'm so close," Dismas looked incredibly distressed, but I did as he said and got up, still inside him. 'Fucking' him, as he requested. I looked down to see that he was aggressively jerking himself off. "Fuuuuck, fuck fuck fuck--aughh-"

He arches his back as he spews out onto his own stomach, face contorting in all sorts of ways that twist my own gut. His hips dig into me more, his grip on me tightening, and I grow mad. I was already making a mess in him as I pulled out and joined his spend.

"God, my..." my body was jittering, like I was put on a plane through turbulence. I couldn't believe the noises coming from my throat, a combination of fear, vulnerability, and complete bliss. It really has been so, so long, and Dismas could tell.

"Shit, there's so much..." he referred to my apparently impressive amount of seed pooling onto his abs. "You really haven't been doing this for a while," he chuckled as he was still delirious from his own orgasm.

"Sorry," I immediately went into shame. Even though I put my heart and soul into his pleasure, I still felt like I was falling short of his expectations. "You're beautiful, though."

"Heh, thanks, but don't need to apologize or gas me up," he said with heavy breaths. "That was a lot of fun, Rey. Like, a lot of fucking fun."

"I'm gonna lay down..." I could barely feel the world anymore. My head was pounding, but not the usual headache I would feel. I believe the caffeine effects have worn off, and I'm about to crash out. He made room for me, he could probably tell my collapse was impending, but I tried my best to fall gently by his side. "I had...a lot of fun, too. Sorry if I didn't meet your expectations."

"What expectations?" Dismas picked himself up to lay on his side. "if I had any, you far surpassed it."

"I appreciate it," I was about to pass out, but I was having such a nice moment with Dismas. I blinked as fast as I could to stay awake. "I haven't had sex in so long, not since I was deployed for military duties."

"You're a veteran?" Dismas seemed shocked.

"Yeah, but I'd hardly call myself one," I try to distract myself from the inevitable devil of sleep. "Only a few years, and then I gave up. Too much violence..."

"Damn, I'm sorry," I felt his warmth attach to me once more, his entire body curled to my side and his head cuddled up against my chest. "I wouldn't blame you. What brought you to hockey then?"

I sighed, "I don't know. My coach brought me into the Iron Crown when we met at a church event on Memorial Day, and I never had a reason to leave."

"That's a nice thing for him to do," he danced his finger in the middle of my chest. "For all the talking we did, I'm surprised you didn't bring it up."

"Is my military background a problem?"

"No, nonono, not at all," he reassured me, thank goodness. "Just being in the military seems like such a big thing in a person's life. I was just surprised."

"To be fair, we didn't do much more talking once we started drinking," I joked. Truly, I didn't want to talk about my time in the army anymore, but I thought I should bring up my little observation.

"Hahaha, true," he laughed. He has such a cute laugh. "You're a damn strange one, Rey."

I felt his warm hand touch my face and turn me into his lips. A kiss to melt away my worries, my ailment must be painfully obvious. It would be nearly twenty hours of being awake, and exhausting my body from the game only adds to my weakness. But if it weren't for my mistake, I wouldn't have had my most eventful night in years, nor would I have gotten to know Dismas so soon. We had no business talking to the figure skaters unless they were performing for our games, and even then, that captain was protective. I wouldn't have had a chance to talk to him if it weren't for that headache medication.

And as I drift to sleep, that warm body by my side, I felt like I was living on the clouds. Open air, blue skies, and a clear mind. Waking up next to Dismas was the first time I woke up without a headache.

-

Chapter Text

"You slept like a sack of bricks, big guy," Dismas remarked, head propped up on two pillows while he was on his phone. "Never seen anything like it. I thought you were dead."

I did feel like I came back from a whole different universe. If I could remember the dream I had I would tell him, but I was just honestly surprised he was still in bed with me. I really thought he'd leave me...but I guess he wanted to make sure I really wasn't dead.

"Mmm, staying up for hours past my usual bedtime will do that to me," I didn't even have my eyes open yet as they were still sealed shut, but I could see the sun in the room. I yawned, "What time is it?"

"Like 2:05" he stated.

"Huh?!" I go into an urgent state, planting my arms on the bed and lifting my upper body up. The blanket started to fall off my bare back, I usually don't sleep naked and that added to my disorientation.

"Yeah, you slept for like eleven hours," Dismas emphasized. "You have depression or something? Or well, you were in the army."

"So sorry, but I have a doctor's appointment," I quickly pulled myself together and ran around the bed to get to my dresser. "I mean, I'd rather skip it, but then my coach will be disappointed in me."

"Oh, so it's like your team doctor?" Dismas also began to stand up. "Doc Para, right?"

"Yeah," I whipped my head around once I gathered a pair of underwear and socks. "How did you know that?"

"We perform at the same arena, so we have the same resident doctor," Dismas chuckled as he picked up my dirty shirt from the floor. "Didn't even know she took appointments, usually we just walk in."

"Well, my coach is concerned about my health and made the appointment for me," I slipped on my undergarments as I explained. "I hate to be late, I have never slept so late in the day."

"It sounds like you needed it, though," Dismas nodded. I looked up to see he was wearing my long sleeve without any regard to the sweat and size of it. "Para will be chill about it I'm sure. Plus your place is right across from the rink, so you won't be egregiously late."

"Are you wearing my shirt?" I blinked while grabbing for a clean one for the day.

He paused, then grinned, "Yeah, I like it."

"Do you want a clean one? That one's dirty."

"Ah, it's okay, it's not bad. It has your smell," he brushed up on the sleeves. "And it's soft."

"Ah, okay..." I found it strange, why would he want my dirty shirt? Is his clothes too dirty? Why would he not want a clean one, or at least one that would fit him? Ah, or maybe...he's taking it as a souvenir.

"Unless you want it back," Dismas looked down to the side, appearing insecure. He already looked so small in my shirt, but now he appears nearly invisible.

"N-No, you can keep it," I finished dressing myself and approached him. "I just thought you'd want something nicer."

"Nah, I like this one..." he twists his thumbs together, still not looking at me. "Sorry, I shoulda asked."

"No, don't apologize," why did he look so sad? It broke my heart. "It's just an old shirt, I can part with it. And...you look very cute in it."

I thought I'd throw some sort of compliment to reassure him. I truly didn't care to lose this piece of clothing, but he seemed embarrassed to even want it in the first place. Good news for me, though, he smiled.

"Thanks. I feel safe in it," he held himself over his chest again. Though he appeared in better spirits, I decided to come in to hopefully keep his mood up. I sat down next to him with my arm across his back, then offered a kiss on the cheek. I could feel his face heat up under my lips. "Stop ittt, you're too sweet."

My throat falls down to the bottom of my stomach. I scoot away, "I'm sorry, was that too much?"

"...You're really not like other guys," Dismas smirked. "Like, every guy says they're not like other guys, but you're really not. It's...relieving."

"I'm...glad?" I chuckle. I have always felt a little alien to my peers, but I thought that was because I was in the military. But no, apparently, I'm just entirely out of the lump of the average man, according to Dismas.

"You should be, you're very respectful," he reiterated. "Your mother raised you well."

"Thanks, I'll make sure to tell her that in my prayers."

"Oh...I'm sorry," he blinked, immediately regretting mentioning my deceased parent.

"Don't be sorry, it was so long ago," but I didn't want to think about my mother while this man, sitting on my bed in just my shirt, was next to me. "What will you do while I'm gone? Is your home far?"

"Not at all, just a ten minute drive. I should go back soon, though, my roommate will be worried about me," he then started to stand, and I could really see how big my clothes were on him. It just looked like a dress on top of his nimble body. "Care to walk together to the arena? Don't worry, I'll put on pants."

"...Don't do it quite yet," I had a bold idea, an outrageous idea. I reached out to his hips, eyes pointed forward right where his crotch would be. "Can you spare a few minutes?"

"It's you that needs to get to a doctor's appointment," he seemed to have caught on to my insinuating actions. His hands grip the bottom hem of the shirt. "And I don't know...what do you plan on doing to me in those few minutes?"

-

We spent a couple more hours longer at my apartment than we should've, but eventually, we had to leave. My team's huddle meeting was starting in an hour, my doctor's appointment started two hours ago (sorry Dr. Paracelsus), and Dismas's roommate called him about three times during our time together.

"She'll deal with it," he brushed off his roommate Audrey's concern, apparently she is also on the figure skating team. "I've disappeared for days, even weeks before, but usually I let her know. I just forgot this time."

We were walking to the stadium parking lot, gear over our shoulders like we were an icing power couple. He styled my shirt to where it tucked into his leggings and left baggy around his waist, but you could still tell it was three times larger than him by how exposed his neck was at the top. Still, he pulled it off amazingly, better than me.

"What caused you to disappear before?" It felt like an odd question once I said it out loud, but I found his disappearing acts to be just as strange.

"Either other hookups or spontaneous trips of self reflection," he explained nonchalantly. "Can't seem to stay in one place without being depressed, so I like to drive out to the middle of nowhere until I get bored. Sleep in my car, visit random places, meet different people, do anything that draws my eye."

"How do you afford to leave for so long?" Again, another odd question, maybe more rude than anything. I couldn't help myself, his lifestyle just didn't seem practical.

"...I work at a bar," he looked at me over his shoulder, a slight smirk across his lips. "A lot of tips. The best money I've ever earned in my life, of course until I make it into the Olympics."

Suddenly, we stop by a dark red sedan, paint chipped at the hood and a slight dent on the driver's side. He turns his body and practically sits on the hood of his car with his arms over his lap, like he's waiting on something.

"I had a good night, Rey. And day, I guess," Dismas smiled. "Will you have another game soon?"

"Y-Yeah, in a couple weeks," I didn't want to leave him. I was more than happy to help him get back home, but now I can't imagine being without his presence. He made me feel so comfortable in my own skin...I may be becoming attached to fast.

"That's a while, huh. How about this," Dismas took to his backpack and pulled out his phone. "Put your number on my phone. I don't know when I'll be available next, working and rehearsals and all, but I should be able to sneak in another late night excursion."

"I...yeah! That'd be a lot of fun," So much was going on in my head. Should I pursue with my heart, or take things slower? I don't want this to crash as fast as it came, but if I hold back so much, I may explode. I take his offer and type my number into his contact list, "Just...whenever you can. I usually have nothing else going on besides hockey."

"Well, hope I can bring that excitement into your life," he retrieved back his phone and looked at what I typed in. "Reynauld? Is that where Rey comes from?"

He laughs, almost too much. I guess it is a little silly sounding. "Yes. My parents seemed to predict I'd age terribly."

"No, it sounds regal. Like you're a lord," or a noble knight, I've been told. "I can't say anything. I'm named after the second guy nailed to a cross."

"Yes, but it suits you," Saint Dismas was a thief, but he had repented for his sins before his execution, and was granted a space in the clouds of heaven. His sharp jaw and slender gaze gave the look of a conniving rogue, but his actions and voice were extremely sweet. I could tell he was hiding so much from me, dark secrets, even more secret than his naked body. A different type of stripping down he wasn't ready for me to see, and I didn't care. We only knew each other for a few hours, hopefully if he isn't bored of me, he'd trust me with insight into his inner soul.

"Everyone says that, but that everyone doesn't include anyone religious. You're probably more acquainted with his story, so it means more comin' from you," Dismas gave a full mouth grin. "I'll text you so you can save my number, too. I gotta go, and you gotta go,"

He stood up and stroked the side of my beard, toes standing alone on the ground beneath him. I was sweating.

"See ya, handsome," he said before he closed his eyes, face drawing in closer. I leaned down into his lips to give him a parting piece of my affection, but...we got carried away again. Time seems to be nonexistent to us, responsibilities not so much ignored but just not as pressing or urgent. The area was just surprisingly quiet, and the slight breeze brought us calm. His warm body and soft moans were just too lovely to leave.

I knew I had to pull away, or we'd be here for hours. "Sorry."

Dismas chuckled, "Don't be sorry. I'll catch you later."

"See you," I stepped away the moment he turned to face his car door. I couldn't watch him anymore, my eyes were all over him, and he's going to think I'm a creep. I give one last parting wave before I separate myself from our bubble, walking to the front with perhaps the goofiest smile across my face. I hardly had the attention to process my teammates standing before me.

I come to a sudden halt with an embarrassing jump in my shoulders. Willam had his mouth open wider than his eyes, as did Missandei, but with more of a concerned furrow to her brow.

"Holy fucking shit, Rey," Willam exclaimed. "How did you do that?"

"Do what?" Kiss someone? That's what I assume they saw, God knows how long they stood there.

"Get a girl--well, guy, so fast! I didn't think you had that dog in you."

"But he's a figure skater, Rey," Missandei leaned into her words with emphasis. "That team performs for us. What if coach or Alhazred find out?"

"...Are we not allowed to get involved with the figure skaters?" my chest drops as I readjust my bag strap.

"It's unprofessional. It's an unwritten rule for us to not date figure skaters."

"Oh, loosen up, Missandei. It's not against the rules," Willam combats. "It's that captain that prevents any of those skaters from having fun. They're a real disciplined bunch, probably doesn't want those girls to be distracted. It's not in any contract I've seen."

"Yeah, but imagine if Rey's new thang's captain finds out? He'd be up to the roof with coach, and he may..." Missandei looks up at me, now more upset than angry. It scared me.

"I'm not going to be kicked off, am I?" I pull against my strap, sweating.

"No, but they may make it harder for you to get close to him. At least while you're in the arena."

"Don't listen to her, Rey," Willam reassures me with a pat on my shoulder. "So what if you can't see him during games and practice? You guys have all the free time in the world to...do what two gay guys do, I don't know."

"I'd just be careful," Missandei warned. "I know my opinion may not be so reliable, but when me and Marge were together, it wasn't exactly celebrated. Now, I regret even trying it in the first place, 'cause now I have to see my ex at the place that's supposed to make me happy. It's not just possibly being in trouble, but...just looking out for your well being."

I swallow my words and nod. She was right, though hopefully me and Dismas don't end up like her and her ex-figure skater. I really like him...

"Don't think that means you two won't work out," she backpedals. "I'm just worried about you, Rey. We are."

"We all are," Willam nodded with an optimistic smile. "How'd your appointment go?"

"Appointment? Oh..." somehow it completely slipped my mind, now my teammates know how truly irresponsible I've become in the past twelve hours. "Yeah, I...I haven't gone yet."

"What? What were you--" Willam's words were cut off by Missandei elbowing him, hard. "Ow! What the hell?"

"You're so damn air-headed," Missandei shook her head, then began walking to the front of the stadium. "Well, hope she doesn't give you shit for it. We'll see you at the meeting."

-

Doc, or Dr. Paracelsus, is our hockey team's resident doctor, and though she wasn't happy I was late, she still brought me in for a quick check up.

"No sign of a concussion," she pulled away her blinding eye-checking wand. "When was your last CT scan?"

"A few months ago, after the finals," I explained while I blink rapidly to get rid of the bright light that still lingered.

"Oh right, and they didn't find anything," Doc nodded as she put away her tools. She sat down on her swivel chair with her arms folding. "You haven't suffered any big head blows since, right?"

"No, nothing like that. My headaches just came out of nowhere."

"Well, usually they don't come from nowhere. Do you think you experienced any high stress situations lately?"

"Aside from a few chilling nightmares, I don't think so," I shrugged.

"How chilling are they? Do they keep you up at night?"

"I usually wake up from them around the same time I wake up anyways, so no. Just freaks me out for a second."

"What are they about?" She's sitting closer to me like she's my therapist.

"Usually related to my time in the military. Near death experiences," I scratch the back of my neck. "But it doesn't bother me."

"Mm, were you ever checked for PTSD?"

"Yes, but it was quite brief. There were a lot of us. They said I was fine."

"Hmm...I'll have to look into getting you a psychologist," she turned away back to her desk. She jotted notes as she continued to talk to me, "If there is nothing physically wrong, then it's usually mental. Past traumatic experiences are no joke."

"If you think that's the root of my issue..." Though I'm not thrilled to talk to a therapist every week. I'd rather just leave that stuff behind.

"How is your head now? Did you take any medicine?" She inquired.

"It's actually perfectly clear, but there is no doubt it'll return."

"Well, that's thrilling. Anything change recently, like your diet or hobbies?"

"Uh..." how personal should I be? She is my doctor, but I supposed being sexually active for the first time in years would have a significant change to my body. "I...met someone yesterday."

"Oh?" She perked her ears up, like she was an interested friend instead of a doctor. "Romantically involved?"

"Y-Yeah," I grow red. "This morning was the first time I woke up without a headache. Granted, I did take medication last night, but usually I still wake up with head pains."

"That's good. Stress relief, I'd say," she laughs. "Then perhaps your headaches are connected to stress. Just hope whatever future prospects you have with them doesn't stress you out more."

She stands up to hand me some papers with written notes.

"This is everything we talked about and a pharmacy slip for more pain medication. This is hydrocodone, so be careful, a lot of athletes tend to be hooked on the opioids in this."

"I will. Thank you, doctor," I take her papers and her word.

"Thanks for coming in. Come back in a few days to tell me how you feel."

-

I walk in about 20 minutes late to the huddle, and my tardiness was incredibly apparent the moment I entered the silent room. Coach stopped himself from talking once he saw me come through the door, looking neither eager or annoyed. It was bone chilling.

"Rey, welcome. Come up to the front for me," he sounded like a dad trying to break some bad news. He was pacing around the room with his hands in his pockets, Alhazred standing stationary but still silently seething. I must be in trouble for something bigger than being late.

So I sit down, looking at my teammates reactions to see if they knew anything, but they appeared as puzzled and terrified as I was. "W-What's wrong?"

Coach sighs, looking over at Alhazred, who nodded, then looking back down at me. "We wanted to wait until you came back before we told the whole team, 'cause you deserve to know as much as everyone here."

My heart was beating faster, and I could feel the top of my neck start to twist. A headache was coming in, and I haven't even been told the news yet.

"Last night, right before we hit the winning shot, there was an injury on the other team," he confessed.

An injury?

"It was a bad one. A broken leg, and we were just told the poor guy wouldn't be able to play for months, let alone walk. So we looked back to see what happened, and...it was caused by you, Rey."

What..? I don't remember pushing into anyone, but I also...don't remember a lot of things from the later part of that game. I had no words, I was just shocked.

"A-Accidents happen, son, nothing's going to happen to you," coach waved his hands. "You probably didn't know, and you weren't in your right mind. It...happens."

"But we may have to train everyone on how to limit harm done to the other team," Alhazred chimed in, seemingly acting as coach's voice of logic. "It's true, we aren't going to terminate you, Reynauld, but we cannot let this happen again."

"Right, right right right," coach gained his bearings. "Next practice, we'll prioritize subduing our opponents without excessive violence. Pacifist sportsmanship!"

"But isn't causing harm our whole thing?" Damian raised his hand. "That's what makes us scary, that's what eliminates our competition."

"Well, we don't wanna start killin' people," coach placed his hands on his hips. "We'd be banned from any competitive play if we keep up breakin' legs and causing concussions. And what good are everyone's skills and talents if we have to rely on beating our enemies to a pulp? We'll still keep winning."

And I couldn't pay attention to much more than that. I was starting to get a fog, and my eyes haven't blinked since I was told the news. I...I'm not a violent person. My mouth was beginning to dry, my stomach churning. I felt a hand touch my arm from my right, Junia. I turn to look at her, and I believe she mouthed if I was okay. I nodded, then went back to staring blankly at the ground. What else can I say? I was the cause of crippling a man, why should I have any empathy brought my way? I'm...a monster.

Soon after, we were dismissed, but I didn't have the will to go home. I was still in utter shock, if any more of my teammates asked if I was okay, I couldn't have heard them. But they let me stay by their side, quiet as a mouse, while they acquired food at the concessions stand. I didn't order anything, but Junia brought me a platter once food started to come out.

"You mustn't beat yourself up," she advised, words clear now that delicious food was in front of me. It made me realize I haven't eaten all day.

"I try not to," I relieve her hand of my meal, "but I've become negligent of my own body. I didn't have my medication, and someone suffered for it."

"But it was an accident," she reiterated coach's words. "It's so easy to get hurt in this sport, it comes with a lot of risk."

"I suppose..." there is no use moping over the past. It just feels awful, what if the same thing was done to me? I would be furious. My whole career, gone in a matter of seconds.

I didn't talk much more after that, and luckily no one pressed me as we ate together, as I found myself more fixated on my phone. I started a text conversation with Dismas, asking him how he was doing, telling him the situation, and general anxieties I was experiencing. I felt comfortable spilling all my secrets to him, he was already acquainted with the most private facets of my life after all, and he responded quickly.

'im sorry, big guy, but hey, he probably deserved it'

I chuckle to myself.

'I don't know if he did. I blacked out during most of the latter half of our game.'

'damn,  youre  a beast! and you still won? thats impressive'

'Scary more so. I don't like hurting people.'

'Yeah, well, in something like hockey, you kinda have to.  its  almost inevitable'

He's starting to sound like Junia. I don't believe hockey has to be a violent sport, it's truly a matter of quick thinking and agility, two things I'm surely not the best at.

'skaters also break their legs all the time, though usually to ourselves. maybe the guy slipped and broke his own leg, and their coach is trying to blame it on you'

'I don't think so, but I appreciate you being optimistic.'

'its a possibility'

There are cameras on the rink, and plenty of witnesses. And from the stress Alhazred and coach were going through, there may even be legal repressions involved, and lawyers know how to dot their I's and cross their T's. More likely Dismas is just telling me these things to make me feel better.

'are you alright tho?'

'Yeah, of course I am.  A little  shocked and shaken, and my headache is coming back.'

'well dont take that caffeine one again. i have work tonight, so i can't accompany you at  3am  anymore'

'I know, I don't expect you to. Dr. Paracelsus gave me some medicine that I need to pick up soon.'

I then had a thought, since I'll be feeling particularly lonely once I leave the arena.

'May I visit you at your work? If it's not too much of an intrusion.'

For a while, those three-dot text bubbles kept popping up and down through the message screen. I grow nervous, did I mess up already for asking where he worked?

'maybe another night. ill be busy, its a saturday'

'Oh right. Sorry.'

'you gotta stop bein' sorry, big guy. its not a big deal lol'

It felt like it. From the minute Dismas took to write up such a simple message, he was fighting in his own head whether to let me down easy or harshly. Perhaps I'm overthinking it...

'I do hope you have a great day at work.'

'i will. ill text you before i go in and when i go out'

Not sure why I need to know that information, but I'm not going to complain about Dismas talking to me more.

'Okay, enjoy your night. Thanks for talking to me.'

'anytime big guy. i like talking to you'

My chest fluttered...is he just saying that? The shock I feel whenever someone takes interest in me, whether it be platonic or romantic, could be considered unhealthy. I should expect kindness to return kindness, but when people want to be my friend...? It's unfamiliar to me, and I tend to push back in my denial towards someone's true feelings. Maybe I should learn to stop doing that, because on paper, Dismas does seem to like me. He liked me enough to sleep with me, after all.

-

Chapter Text

"...Don't do it quite yet," I had a bold idea, an outrageous idea. I reached out to his hips, eyes pointed forward right where his crotch would be. "Can you spare a few minutes?"

"It's you that needs to get to a doctor's appointment," he seemed to have caught on to my insinuating actions. His hands grip the bottom hem of the shirt. "And I don't know...what do you plan on doing to me in those few minutes?"

Dismas already figured me out, as he lifted my shirt above his hips to reveal his privates to me, partly aroused.

"Did seeing a cute twink in your clothes rouse your spirits?" He teased while staring down at me with those insatiable eyes. Then I find his knee propped up on my thigh, "Or do you just not want to let go of me?"

"Both, I suppose," I stared back at the man so high above me, which seemed to twist my stomach more than when he was under me. I felt so strange, but I couldn't fight it. He was right there. I took the initiative of wrapping my hand around his manhood. "I want to try something, if you give me permission to. I've never given oral to a man before."

"Aha, well, I'm picky about my blowjobs," he holds the side of my cheek, stroking my sideburns with his thumb, "but you're cute, and eager. I like my men excited at the sight of me."

"It's hard not to be," I stated bluntly, feeling the thing grow in my hand and get closer to my face. "Would you like to move to the bed to be more comfortable?"

"If you want to, but I kinda like seeing you like this," he brushed his hand through my hair, then used his other hand to replace mine on his cock and stroke himself. "Maybe I'd even prefer if you were on your knees."

"As you wish," I did feel a little too tall for the job. I immediately followed his orders, which seemed to surprise him as he jumped back rather than simply make room for me.

"Damn, I can see why your hockey coach likes you," he pulls me even closer, then caresses my face with the underside of his full erection. "Obedient. I really like that. Look at me, you barely touched me and I'm hard as nails."

"I appreciate you being excited about me," I couldn't take it, I had to get a taste of the rod in my face. I pulled my moist lips and tongue across the length of him. "You taste really good..."

"Oh, you're fucking horny horny," he smiled, but I believed he truly wanted me to shut up. If I was free to speak, then that meant his cock wasn't in my mouth, and we both wanted that more than anything right now. He pulled me over his dark pink head, mouth as wide as possible to avoid my teeth even grazing him. He's so much bigger than I remembered from yesterday, but everything tends to be bigger up close. You'd never guess from his skinny frame, he was truly gifted by God.

"Fuuck, Rey..." he pushed me further onto him. "Look at that...look at you."

I moaned though my stuffed cavity, eyes lazily occasionally glancing up but then soon shut to let me focus. I'm afraid that if I am too eager, it'll be an unpleasant mess. My gut was bubbling under the heat of his body inside me, if I don't attend to myself I might boil over.

"Oh yeah, that's right..." he took note of my self-soothing, and I could feel his excitement by the twitch of his member. "Damn sexy thing. Fuck, I might be done before I know it."

Dismas dangled his head over a loose neck and stared at the ceiling with near gasping breaths. His fingers tightened on my hair, I was afraid he'd start pulling on it if I wasn't careful. Now that I think about it, that would be arousing...

The pulsing of his cock titillated my mouth and throat, it gave me an urge to do more. Bring the whole thing to the back of my throat, but slowly, and even then I heard myself gag. I am not trained for this type of indulgence, but the brief block in my airways caused my body to want more, and quickened the pace of my palm. It's strange that I long for pain and uncomfort for the satisfaction of my receiver, I never thought I'd be thrilled at the thought of service. The noises coming out of my throat were disgusting, though, and it showed signs of danger if I didn't slow down. Dismas, though, forced my head.

"Don't stop, Rey," Dismas sighed as he grabbed the sides of my head, "Don't stop..."

Before I knew it, I was at the whim of his control. Again, he took control of me, and all I could do was control the clamp of my teeth and the ache in my jaw. I couldn't do much for the assault on my throat, it's like he wanted to make me to choke. He knew my inexperience, but it appeared he didn't care. And honestly, I didn't care either. I was already feeling my own climb as I gripped myself tighter, the slobber from my gaping lips falling perfectly on my shaft to give myself an easier, more pleasurable tug. Fuck, I couldn't believe I was in this situation, but I had to suppress my shame. No honorable action could make me feel this amazing.

The lower portion of my face was in such straining pain, my strokes were the only thing distracting me from pulling off of him to catch my breath. Luckily, he said those magic words, "I-I'm going to cum-" Dismas stuttered, cutting himself off. "Fuck!"

And suddenly, I was freed from his grasp, but still gripped at my jaw as he jerked himself off to completion. I knew what was going to happen, so I squeezed my eyes shut and felt those warm ropes drag across my face.

"Fuck, god damn, Rey..." his breathing was hot and heavy, voice so devilishly salacious. I couldn't take it, I was also pushed to the edge prematurely, my semen coating my wood flooring between his feet. My moans never sounded so sultry, so pathetic, but my God it was so worth it.

Dismas gripped my face once again, though, spreading his spill over my face and beard until he collected enough to shove his cum-covered thumb into my mouth. He wanted to see me eat it? It tasted so salty, and it strangely dried my tongue, but knowing where it came from, who it came from...

"Oh, my goodness," I tried catching my breath and clearing my throat of his ejaculate, "Dismas, that...you..."

"Too much?" Dismas chuckled. "Sorry, got carried away."

"It was...different," I laughed along. My virgin-like mentality was showing to a humiliating degree, "but I believe we need a shower."

"Was about to say the same thing. Your poor face," he cackled. "Did you like it?"

Was he stupid? I stare down at the floor to see the strands of my cum spattered on the floor, then look back up at him. I felt the physical evidence was more than enough to prove my satisfaction.

"I loved it."

"Wow. Love is a strong word," he widened his bright brown eyes.

"I mean it. I...haven't had an experience so cathartic," I sigh through the embarrassment of admitting my feelings, definitely skewed with a clouded haze of post-orgasm. "It felt like a boulder has been lifted off my shoulders."

"You really wanted to suck cock so bad?" It sounded like he was mocking me, and though he may not have intended it, I don't blame him given my wording. I was told I take things too seriously.

"It's not just that, it's..." I was getting too sentimental from my own comfort, and my dally-wag was still hanging out of my joggers. "A lot of things. Good things."

As I hiked my bottoms back up and got to my feet, me and Dismas made intense eye contact as my height grew taller.

"I'm afraid your artwork will dry into my beard soon, so I should wash it off in the shower. Join me?" I side step Dismas while I request for his presence once more. God, I just sound so needy.

"Of course, I suggested it in the first place," he followed my movements and wrapped his arm around mine.

"My shower isn't the biggest, I sometimes find my elbows hitting the wall," I warn with a big smile.

"We'll make us fit, no matter how close we get, ey?" I learned Dismas tends to laugh at his own jokes. How adorable.

We could've made more room for ourselves in my bathtub shower, but we seemed to be unable to let go of each other. I've never felt so twisted and warm in my gut, but somehow it didn't feel like a bad thing. The hot water drenched our bodies as we found our lips inseparable again, with Dismas again pulling my hair and driving me madder. Our bodies made it clear we were wanting another chase, but I'm not sure how comfortable we'd be doing it in the shower for its small size. Not with a lack of trying; lifting him against the wall--too bad on his back--, going in from the back--caused him to go cold with me blocking the water. We just decided it'd be easier to get ourselves clean and dry ourselves enough to get back on my bed, where somehow it felt better than the night before. I suppose because I knew what I was doing, learn to let go and put my guard down for just these few minutes, and indulge in Dismas's sweet songs of pleasure.

This time, he pleaded for me to finish inside him, which I assume was to keep our bodies clean after the shower, but once I did it, I truly understood. It was so hot, a blistering fire through my entire body, and it felt incredible. I've deprived my body of this pleasure, but I don't think I could've found this same effect with anyone else. Perhaps because I've only dated women, or Dismas's soul was just so fulfilling. I-I can't say that I love him so soon, but I really do, and I don't want to ruin it. Like I've always had...

-

Chapter Text

I don't know why Dismas didn't tell me, but I found out there's a figure skating performance evaluation in just two days. It was free to watch and open to anyone, its main purpose being an opportunity for the figure skaters to be seen by talent agencies and contractors. Junia informed me, the next morning at church after me and Dismas's last in-person interaction, and I was honestly offended.

I can understand why he didn't invite me, it was in case I distracted him. This would be big for his career, the next step from this small town team to somewhere grander. I would only get in the way, but still, I wanted to show I supported him. I asked Junia if it would be too much to show up, and she said since it will be performing at the same ice rink as ours, it would be big enough to blend in with whatever crowd shows up. She also said Dismas would be thrilled to see me, and though I nodded in agreement, I just hope he only realizes I'm there after he performs. If I had to perform my best, and Dismas was there to watch, I'd also feel the pressure and I'd horribly embarrass myself.

The more I thought about it though, the more I thought about what Missandei said to me. Our intimacy is taboo, not just because we are two men, but because we are essentially colleagues. If what she says is true about his captain, then we both could be in terrible trouble. It's worth the risk in my opinion, what can they really do?

I ended up following my heart. I asked Junia the time of the show and set out to the arena on Wednesday, but not before buying a bouquet of roses. I couldn't help it...

The seats were almost empty, which made sense as there was no advertising and all who would show up are family and friends. And ice skating enthusiasts that play in the same ice rink, like Junia.

"They are just so gorgeous," she exclaimed to me as I met her in the middle row of the seats. "I wish I had the balance to be a figure skater, and the confidence, and the body..."

"I'm sure with hard work you can have all of those," I reply to help boost her self-esteem. She always beats herself up.

"Everything can be done well with time," Junia nodded with eyes still fixated on the first ice skater's performance. "It'll be a huge learning curve, I know it will. I don't think I could find the time and effort for it."

"I wouldn't want you to leave anyways. I really enjoy having you on the team," I tell her.

"Aw, well, thank you, Rey," she looked at me briefly with a smile. "I don't plan to, I kinda like the intense energy of everything. Makes me feel alive."

"Me, too," I look down at my flowers, focusing on each iris of the roses and how it curls in on itself. The light from the rink was the only thing hitting its vibrant red color, otherwise it would be shrouded in darkness.

"Are you going to try to meet with him after this?" Junia had a concerned tone with her question.

"I'll try to text him after he goes on," I shifted and stretched my body out of the seat to see if I could see him waiting for his turn. "I don't want to scare him, but I want to show that I care. Do you think I'm doing too much?"

"Well...kinda," she shrugged, "but I think this is very sweet. I was just hoping you don't throw each rose out into the ice. after he's done."

"Oh no, I wouldn't embarrass either of us like that," I clutch the flowers tighter, I could feel a bit of the thorns through the paper wrap. "Though I'm afraid I'm already embarrassing myself..."

"You're not, I'm sure Dismas would be flattered," she reassured me.

After a couple skaters perform, I hear the judge call out Dismas's name. I clench my shoulders, dig the horns harder into my hands. Junia could hear me sucking in my breath, her eyes flashed up at me with a weird combination of concern and excitement.

And there he was, strutting on the ice with eyes forward. Music. Classical, breathtaking, emotional music sings in the air. I don't know if it's the same song the other skaters used before, but his twists and turns with the beats of the gentle melody made it seem like the instruments were playing for him. Carving out the ice under him like servants to be sacrificed, guiding the air around his pliant arms and steady legs as if they were making room for him. My body couldn't help but shed a tear at the sight of him, just as beautiful as when we first locked eyes. The stadium lights glittered his form-fitting suit, the sparkles in his hair, and the white makeup under his eyes. He looked like a fairy, i-in the non-derogatory way. He was made of magic. I wish I could take a closer look, but then he'd see me. Just more reason to find him after this show.

"Are you okay, Rey?" Junia suddenly spoke after we sat in silence for so long. She must've noticed the tears running down my face.

I wipe them away, "Yeah, yes, I'm...great."

"He's really good. I hope he gets a good score."

"I do, too..." I curl the edge of my lips to an aching smile.

-

The last performer finished her set, which meant the evaluations were over. They announced they wouldn't get their results for a couple weeks, that may be the most agonizing couple weeks of Dismas and his lady skaters' lives. If these would give them the big lavish futures they want, then I suppose it would be worth the wait. This really just meant I could keep myself from waiting too long to find him and give him his roses, and hopefully a good evening kiss. I really missed his kisses...

Me and Junia bid farewell and parted ways so I could stalk the skaters to their next destination. Not a great word to describe it, but that was essentially what I was doing. I hope none of the guards pull me aside for suspicion of being a creep, but I would just have to act natural. My heart was beating terribly, a combination of anticipating Dismas's reaction and any trouble we might get if their captain catches our affair.

Eventually, I catch Dismas's voice through the halls of locker rooms, following just short of turning a corner to where him and his girl friends were walking. I press my back against the wall and peak around the corner, seeing Dismas and three other figure skaters. No captain, but I don't want to catch them by surprise just yet, even with them walking too rapidly for my comfort.

Screw it, my opportunity was beginning to close. I step out from the corner and knock on the wall like a door.

"Hey," I say with a medium bolster, just enough to make my presence known in case they didn't hear the knocking. All four of them turned around, and only Dismas stood frozen and pale as a ghost. I fucked up. "Dismas."

"R-Rey," but he quickly perked up into a smile, albeit a nervous one. "Heyy, you...did you watch the show?"

"Yes, sorry if that's...weird," I tense my muscles as he walked up to me. I got a good look at his makeup--a midnight blue upper eyeshadow with a bright white under-lash paint--like he appeared right under the clouds of heaven.

"Not at all, big guy," he came just under a foot from the bundle of roses. "Did you get these for me?"

"Oh--uh, yes!" I was so distracted by his beauty that I forgot about his gift. "You did amazing. A-As did everyone else, but..." I thought I should get into his colleagues' good graces, raising my head to them to know I'm acknowledging them, but they seem too busy whispering and giggling, "...you were...you were great."

"Thanks, Rey, I was worried the muscle I pulled before my time would be too obvious," he bends down to tend to the back of his calf. "That's really sweet of you. I've never gotten flowers before."

He gently took them into his arms. Though it looked normal on me, the bouquet covered his whole torso, and he had to carry it like a baby.

"And red is my favorite color."

"I'm glad, that's...great," for some reason I was surprised he accepted my kind gift so kindly, I was honestly expecting him to run me off. "Mine is blue."

What was I saying? He didn't even ask. I was just so nervous...

"I'll remember that, handsome," his hand touched my face and it burned, but his lips cooled me down to normal. My heart paced back to a steady rhythm, and I felt real again.

"Oooo," one of the girls ahead of us went, which forced Dismas to pull off of me.

"Oh, shut up, whores," he snarled, then turned back to me. "I should get going. Thanks for the flowers, and seeing me in general."

"Okay, I'll see you..." I really wasn't sure when I'd see him, but he already turned around before I could finish my words. "...next time."

"See you," he chuckled as he looked over his shoulder and waved my direction. God, he was adorable.

I supposed my nerves were just that, figments of my imagination for how this would've gone. Dismas and I were already pretty close, texted everyday, and I offered him a pleasant surprise, because he liked me. A hard concept for me to grasp, but I'm getting there.

As I went home to get ready for bed, though, I received a text from him. Another thank you for his gift, and then an apology for why he may have seemed standoff-ish. Apparently his captain Sarmenti saw his flowers and asked where they came from, and to save us both the headache, he just said he received them from 'a fan'. I suppose it wasn't a lie, but that confirmed my suspicion that if we were ever found out, we would get in trouble. Hopefully those girls he was with would keep our secret, but he seemed to trust them, especially since one of them, Audrey, was the roommate that was worried about him the other day.

But then he continued on, starting his next text with 'i just need to tell you something...before we continue this relationship'

I asked what was on his mind, as it sounded like it upset him.

'i really like you, more than a lot of the other ones ive been with before. i usually keep it a secret because its pretty looked down upon, but i thought you deserved to know'

I reiterate my last statement. 'What's wrong?'

' nothings  wrong, but i just feel like you should know what i do for work.'

'You work as a bartender,  right?'

'nah, not quite.  im actually  a stripper.'

...Oh. I...I guess I didn't expect that. My heart stops, thumbs hovering over the keys of my phone. I was taking too long to reply, he was starting to text again.

' if  thats  a deal breaker, we can end things before it gets too serious.  i dont  want to keep that from you'

Is that a deal breaker? I was debating in my mind how I should feel, because I really really like Dismas.

'I appreciate you telling me. It's not a deal breaker, but if I may ask a few questions...'

What questions can I ask that don't make me sound like a tool?

'Do you do sexual services for other people?'

'i do lap dances, and that's as far as i go'

I sigh with relief.

'it's strictly business. i don't like doing it, but you  cant  find money like that anywhere else.'

He kept justifying it to me, but I didn't want to hear it. I already made up my mind that I still like him and want to pursue something more...real. Sex work is as much of a job as anything else, I don't think people should be punished for it. Dismas definitely has the body and talents for such an industry, but I wonder if this job would impede his dreams of being a figure skater. Does his captain know? Would he care?

'Do you get recognized from your skating?'

'well i took a break from figure skating in public for a while, but hopefully if i keep a low profile,  ill  get big and make enough money to where  i dont  need to do this anymore.'

'Your secret is safe with me.'

'oh its not really a secret. all the girls know, captain knows, but yeah, i trust you wont take that info out to any evaluators'

'Absolutely not. That is none of their business.'

'thank you. for i guess taking it so well'

Perhaps since he knew I was religious, he was unsure of my stance on selling one's body for monetary gain. An understandable worry, one could even say the stigmatization of sex work comes from the misogynistic foundations of Christian-raised society, but fortunately that is not me nor anyone I could call respectable. Junia has definitely swung around the idea of going to a...what was it? A lesbian brothel? Boudica and Missandei gave her the idea, not to order any services from these women, but to just 'drink and hang out'. Junia babbled to me about how taboo it would be, but she strangely sounded excited at the thrill. I didn't ask much more about it, that was her own endeavor if she so desired it.

Dismas's career seemed to be an open secret, so it's good his team hasn't turned him away. I won't turn him away, even if the idea is a little...unsettling. Flaunting out his body to other men...gagh, I'm overthinking it...

'Thank you for the transparency, I'm really grateful that you trust me with that information. I would like to take our relationship more seriously. I just have one condition.'

God, I sound like just a controlling partner, and I'm not even really his partner yet. I just can't shake it.

'I  know this sounds quite rude of me, but I just want you to promise me you won't mingle with other men. Or anyone in general.'

'oh of course'

Whew.

'im big into monogamy, and i also wanna respect your boundaries. i really like you, big guy'

That text. Those words. The combination of lettered fluttered my heart. I couldn't help it, I called him.

"Hey, hot stuff," Dismas chuckled over the speakers. He's so cute...

"Sorry, I just wanted to hear your voice again," I leaned my head in almost dreamily at the flat screen of my phone. But in the dead space between his words, I could hear...dance music? "Oh, are you at work?"

"Yeah, tired as hell," he had a notable relaxed hum in his voice, he must also be intoxicated. "Wanna come down? I'm only a five minute walk from the arena."

What? There was a bar of that nature so close?

"Can I?" I say not even considering any consequence. Me? At a strip club? I've never been to one, I hardly go to bars.

"Absolutely! If you're okay with everyone  oggling  at me striping down to my underwear. Only you get to see the good bits, haha."

Oh, what do I even say?

"I-...So long as that's the case," I could hear him laughing at the clear fluster in my voice. "When do you perform?"

"Around 10:30, only ten minutes of stage time, and actually...I can see if I can give you a special show..." He had a devious tone to his promise. "But yeah, come over, I could use your adorable face."

"I-I will see you then!!" I grip the sides of my phone with shaking excitement. If what he is implying is indeed what I think, I...can't just turn it down. I missed him so much...

"Awesome. You're amazing, big guy. I'll talk to you later," Dismas ended the call, perhaps worried he'd be caught on the phone by his management.

Once I silence settled, I truly processed everything in the last minute. Oh goodness, what did I agree to? Loud music, hot air, horny men, that's all these night clubs are. Perhaps I need to open my mind, it...can't be that bad. Regardless, it'll be worth it. To see, and hopefully touch, Dismas. I couldn't have predicted I'd see perform twice tonight.

Chapter Text

Dismas's work resided deep into the shopping strip next to the stadium, far beyond any of the shops and restaurants I'd go to. That's where a lot of the bars were, and with how kid friendly the stadium seemed to be, you wouldn't think there was anything like a strip club just a block down. At least the windows were blacked out.

It could be nothing else but a raunchy night club. The name of the establishment was simply 'Protegé', and featured iconography of beers, martinis, and hearts along the sign. Cannot be mistaken for anything else, this was a place for the most debaucherous. Which I suppose will be me tonight.

I walked in the tinted double doors and was greeted by a man in all black asking for my ID. I oblige, feeling tingles down the back of my neck, this was so nerve-wracking. What if my teammates frequent here and see me? What would they think?

He gives me an up and down before smirking and giving back my driver's license. "Have fun, cute stuff."

Oh jeez. He sounded like Dismas, his flirtatious advances. I wanted to tell him I was taken, but I wanted to get inside and avoid anymore awkward confrontations. Immediately, my ears were blasted by the music, and eyes assaulted by the purple beam lights. On the left were the stages, decorated with bright spotlights and metal poles, and of course chairs and tables for patrons to sit and stare. Stare up at Dismas, in whatever skimpy outfit this place must make him wear. I need to stop...

To my right was the bar, glowing a warm orange and yellow as if it was like heaven to the purple hell on the other side. Didn't mean it occupied rather holy people, they were all waiting for the show to begin, like me. I should text Dismas that I am here, I did decide to come in 20 minutes earlier than he suggested.

As I stood by the side of the door typing at my phone, I couldn't help but notice the looks I got from the bar attendees. I could see them at the corner of my eye, holding that same weird smirk the security attendant had, looking up and down at my body. Once I sent the text, I finally saw the several other men staring at me like I was fresh meat to predators. Even as I came towards an open side of the bar, their eyes followed. What were they looking at? Was my fly down?

"What can I get for ya, sugar?" A woman bartender came up to me, a joyous smile across her face.

My shoulder tense. I don't know what I want, I don't drink! I can't tell wine from whiskey, it's all gross...

"Oh, just water right now," if only Dismas were here to save me, he would know what I'd like. I just can't handle any possible embarrassment for ordering anything wrong. "I-I'm actually here to visit a friend. He works here, Dismas..?"

"Huh, I don't know Dismas, but that's a stellar name," she admits as she sprays a nozzle into a glass.

What? Did I get the wrong place? I was starting to sweat...

"H-He's, uh...performer?" I take the glass offered to me, for some reason I can't say 'stripper' at a strip club.

"Ohh, you can't be saying their real names out here, sweetheart," She had a nervous smile. Oh God, I already messed up, "but no worries, it's a slow night. Just for the dancer's protection."

"O-Oh, I'm...so sorry," I should just run away now, I'm still even hesitant that this is the right place. And then, sprinting up behind the nice lady bartender, was...

....Dismas?

"Baby girl, don't tell me you took this boy's card," Dismas pointed at me, and...I couldn't even recognize him. His eye makeup was heavy, all inkjet black down to his lipstick. His hair stuck up like a rockstar, cladded in a leather jacket much too large for his build, and just generally...

Drop dead gorgeous.

"Didn't know the Highwayman knew any big strong cuties," she laughs and beats on his chest. "Where'd you get him from, the gym?"

"I don't share my secrets," Dismas teased with a finger to his lips, then walked off to run around the bar. I...can't believe that's really him. This is truly a whole different world. He came up next to me and gave me a side hug, then occupied the chair next to mine. "I'm so happy you're here, Rey. You look absolutely handsome in this light."

There was a noticeable increase in his spirits, his words were so jumpy and jolly, and his body language so full of energy. Before I could even get my bearings, he held my hands on my lap.

"Are you okay?" he asked with a tilt of his head.

"I-I...Yeah!" I shook my head awake, I am back to just staring at him again like he was that beautiful stranger in the arena again. "Sorry, you look..."

"Like shit?" He laughs. "I don't know why I thought a performance before work was a good idea, but hey, money can't make itself."

"You look...just stunning," it was hard to find the words, but I hoped my eyes and the grip on his hands was enough to convey my message. "I can't wait to see you...up there."

I eye the stages again, shrouded in purple, seeping with sin and temptation.

"Everyone is. They love me here," He lets out a deep sigh, despite still smiling, staring off to the side like he was lost. "Anyway, you wanna drink?"

"Yes, j-just one," I laugh, remembering how inebriated I was the other night at the mead bar. "Anything you think I'd like."

"Sweet like you, got it," Dismas pinched my cheek before turning to the bartender. "Two vodka cranberries, but make mine dryer."

"Coming up, hot stuff," she turns away to make our concoctions.

"So...everyone knows you here?" I inquire deeper.

"Yeah, I'm their biggest star," he shrugs. "Got a cute face, a nice ass, a big dick--what's not to love?"

"That's true..." I chuckle at his blunt honesty. "And they pay you?"

"Yeah, that's the culture here," he leans his head against the arm sat on the counter. "Kinda crazy if you think about it, I'm just presenting my body and I get cash thrown at me. They don't even touch me."

"That is quite bizarre," so the movies of men throwing money at dancing half-naked girls is true, how could people be so deprived? "I don't carry cash on me, but I can take you out to a nice dinner--"

"Oh, hun, you don't gotta pay a dime to enjoy the show," Dismas then looked back at our delivered concoctions. "Thanks, love," he expresses gratitude as he takes the red glasses, one paler than the other. He gives me the brighter cup, "It's all about havin' fun, baby."

We clink glasses, indulging in our sweet poison. I like this one, too, I really have to write down these drinks in case Dismas isn't there as my caterer.

"Anyways, I should get back to prep for the show. Why don't you go ahead and take a seat in front of the main stage, get a real up close experience," Dismas suggests as he gets back on his feet. "There'll be a ton of guys and girls around you, but just know, you're the only one I'm lookin' at."

Then he gets up close to give me a kiss on the mouth. I don't even process it until he's already gone. He smelled like straight liquor, but tasted so sweet. There must be some joy in having a job that lets you get drunk, but I can't help but notice something is incredibly wrong...

Dismas has already admitted to me he doesn't like his job, but it makes him incredible amounts of money. He doesn't seem like he's struggling financially, but at what expense? Not to mention this is incredibly dangerous, and it reminded me of earlier when the bartender explained the dancers have to keep stage names to stay protected. It just makes me...sad, and angry. Frustrated at a world that rewards so generously to vulnerable work, but...maybe I just don't see the full picture. Dismas seemed happy, I cannot take that away from him.

I took his advice and sat down before anyone else could take the spot. The hot seat, the first person performers will see, and if movies are correct, will serve their first 'favors' to. I don't know if I can handle anything intimate and attention drawing in this public setting, but honestly, I'm okay with being at the whims of Dismas. I'm already getting hot at the thought of it...

I finished my drink right before I was surrounded by a crowd, suddenly the bar got 50% fuller minutes before showtime. Dismas must not be kidding, he's popular. It makes it harder to assure myself he won't be recognized at the ice rink during his professional performances, I just hope most of these men and women are tourists.

"Allllright!" A disembodied voice shrouds the music with an even louder vibrato. "Guys, gals, Enbies, and anything in between, welcome to the show. We got a whole night of hotties to share with y'all tonight, so let's get started! Get ready to get your hearts stolen and put your hands together for...the Highwayman!"

-

What...what do I even say? I watched, but didn't retain a thing . A pure, ecstasy-filled, present experience that I could never replicate again. The music was drowning me, the lights were blinding me, and him...It was so much of him. How...how do people do this every night? How does he do this every night?

Okay, all I can recall is that clothes were indeed coming off, his body was practically levitating on that fireman's pole (how did people figure out you can move like that on such an innocuous object?), and I could feel bodies crowding around my neck, sweating and screaming. I guess I underestimated how truly popular Dismas was, even though I thought this was a small town. Maybe my perception of the world is slim, or maybe I am not built for vodka.

I didn't feel real or awake again until Dismas's show was over and he pulled me out of the chair, now covered up with my robe. I maybe heard, "Let's head back here," through the loud music, and then suddenly, everything got much quieter. Through a dark hallway past beaded drapery was a heavy door, then suddenly the world got brighter. I felt like I could breathe again.

"You looked like you were on molly or some shit," Dismas laughed. "Are you alright?"

"Y-Yeah, I'm just not..." I scratch my head. "It was...different."

"Like a good different?" He turned to give me a faint smile.

"It was very good," I couldn't lie to him. Even though I was catatonic in those few minutes, I had a lot of fun. Never had I had an experience that felt...there. In the moment, uncaring of the past or future. "You were tremendous."

"Ohh, don't lie to me," he shook his head as he took us deeper into what felt like a sanctuary. The lights were on, but not too bright, and the party music from the room before us was drowned out. There were couches occupied by what looks to be other male dancers, but they didn't pay us any mind. In fact, they seemed more infatuated with each other, three were laid together and tangled in their arms and legs, and another couple were kissing and touching.

"Where are we...?" I had to ask, this felt like a whole different building than something attached to that house of devils.

"Just the back, where we get all spiffied up for the crowd," Dismas explained. I should've known just by the wardrobes on wheels, piles of wigs on bright purple vanities, and who knows how much makeup and perform bottles piled all around. This place also stenched like alcohol and cigarettes, there was no doubt drinking and smoking was a common pass time for these dancers. They seem to survive off these stimulants, it made me worry about Dismas's health.

"Then why did you bring me back here?" Please don't tell me he's going to doll me up and make me dance out there...

"Just to take us somewhere private," he stopped at the end of the room where there was a door. There were a series of doors to the left of us, but he had some sort of plan with me in this one. "It'll cool us down a little bit, I'm damn exhausted."

Past this mystery door was a dim room, not so different in lighting to the club itself with purple and orange fixtures, but much more digestible. It was small, but it occupied one of those metal firefighter's poles again, a couple arm chairs, and a made full sized bed.

"This is also where we bring back clients for...extra services, if you know what I mean," Dismas explained as he let me in the room. "I haven't done it, but it's a normal part of our job if we so chose. I won't get in trouble with just hanging out back here with you."

He locks the door and immediately walks over to one of the arm chairs. Slumping down, legs spread, head thrown back, he finally had time to relax.

After a deep sigh, he calls me over, "Make yourself at home, down here is a mini fridge with waters and box wine."

I was still fixated on the room, pacing around the bed and the pole now that I was able to see the instrument up close. Crazy Dismas was able to climb on this thing...

"So you've never brought anyone back here for these...extra services?" I knew what the services were obviously, but it still felt weird to admit it.

"You're my first client, but you're not paying for anything of course," Dismas took advantage of the free cold water bottles from the aforementioned mini fridge. "I'm...a bit of a scaredy cat when it comes to dealing business one on one like that. Some guy pays me a shitload of money to essentially do whatever he wants to me, it's, uh...an uncomfortable thought to say the least."

"Are you...okay, Dismas?" I sat in my chair while I attempted to console him, but not touching or holding him. It didn't feel appropriate for this topic of conversation.

He sighs again, "Yeah, I'm good. I know what my boundaries are, and I trust you. Sorry, I'm in a bit of a mope right now."

"Don't be sorry," I shake my head. "I'm happy you trust me, I know this is a sensitive subject."

"Not even that, I'm just..." Dismas covers his mouth while looking away from me, not crying but still incredibly upset with what's spiraling in his head. "What am I doing with my life? This used to be fun years ago, but now...I think I'm just getting old. Why do I still have to deal with people grabbing at my clothes and vying for my attention when...I honestly don't give a shit about them?"

My chest was aching, because I understood him. He feels as if he has to do this, endure the pain. His lost stare reminded me of my army days, sweating to my ankles and wondering if I was happy. Asking myself: would it even matter if I was happy...?

"And the following, the stalking, those damn creeps wanting to know where I go after I'm done workin'," he shakes his fists. "I feel bad for Audrey, 'cause what if they find me and want to hurt her, too? I don't know, maybe I'm just paranoid..."

"...You're getting hurt?" That was all that stuck out to me in that statement.

"I mean..." Dismas shrugs, still not looking me in the eye. "I'm tough, I can defend myself, but it's surely not something I want to deal with. It's like a fifty-fifty chance of getting bothered after I get out of here."

"I-I'm so sorry..." I can't believe he's so casual about such a horrendous thing.

"What are you sorry about? It's not you that's the creep," Dismas then makes himself chuckle. "Unless you are, and you're playing the long-con with me."

"No, no--" I shake my head vigorously. "I have never met you in my life, I swear--'

"I'm just joking, Rey," Dismas laughed. "It's clear you've never been to a club in your life."

"I'd never hurt you, Dismas..." I lean over to try to convince him of my promise. "And I...I don't want you to be hurt by other people. That's not fair to you."

"Well hey...life's not fair," he shrugs as his mood mellows.

"I know life's not fair, but you're just an amazing, sweet, compassionate person. God wouldn't want you to suffer if he could help it...so let me."

"What are you on about?" Dismas is looking at me now finally, though more concerned than anything.

"I'm...on government assistance by the military, my housing, food, and essentials are covered. All the money I earn from hockey is stored away for times like this, when...I can help someone that needs it more than me."

"No," Dismas furrowed his brow. He said it so fast, it was like he didn't even consider it for a second. "Are you crazy?"

"P-Perhaps, but this job...it's dangerous."

"I know it's dangerous, I..." Dismas appeared more flustered as time went on. "I have a strong head. I'm good at it, for fuck's sake--"

"But you're also good at skating," I couldn't help but hold his wrist, plant him down to reality and hear me out. "You're talented, you work hard. You..."

He's so quiet, eyes wider than I've ever seen them before.

"You deserve better."

"Wh-What are you proposin' to me?" He leans into his words. "Are you gonna just give me money like some charity case? You barely know me, how do you know you can trust me?"

"I just do," I proclaim. "You don't have to accept anything from me, I get it. You want to earn your money, you don't want to be tied to a promise. I just...don't want you to do something you don't enjoy."

Dismas didn't have anything else to say for a long time. He just looked away, staring in different directions, then looked back at me. "It's only until I can make a profession out of skating. If I pass, then that'll be my ticket out, and I'd be done with all this." He gestures his hands all around the room. "And if I fail...I'll just keep trying. I'm an old dog, I can take it."

"Okay..." I should've known my idea was ridiculous, I just hated to see him so upset. But it's true, we've only known each other for a few days, but I didn't want anything in return except to let Dismas be happy. I guess if money is involved, that'd change our dynamic, and it could lead to trouble down the line. How is it so difficult to try to help...

"But thanks, Rey. I don't need help, I just need..." Dismas looked up at me again, this time with eyes larger than the sun. He isn't comfortable being vulnerable, I can see him shake, but he finally blinks, "...companionship."

I couldn't help but chuckle, "I'm honored, if it's indeed me you're referring to."

"Of course, stupid," Dismas laughed along. "You really made my night. I've been hounding myself for weeks with this evaluation, stressin' me to the damn bone. And though it's not over, it feels...over, you know?"

"You can relax," I emphasized. "What can I do for you? I've been told my massages are better than average."

"Oh, you shouldn't have told me that," Dismas shook his head. "I'd be making you rub down my feet and shoulders every night."

"I can do that," as soon as that came out of my mouth, it sounded creepy, but Dismas instead leaned over to hold my hand.

"A back massage would be really nice right now, especially naked in that bed," He winks, "and I mean you, too."

"If you insist..." I stand up while still attached to his hand, ready to treat me to his 'extra services'.

-

Chapter Text

I made haste of my shirt and pants, as Dismas was already half naked under his dancer's robe. He sat at the foot of the bed and peeled it off his shoulders with elegance, chest still glistened with sweat and soft black hairs. From there, I came from above him with my lips, letting the morbid tone of our last conversation melt away with our soft moans. Dismas had to pull away to make sure I honored my favor, scooting his body to the center of the mattress and flipping over to let his muscled, freckly back face me. He didn't yet take his briefs off, he must want me to move forward under my own volition.

I sit by his side and rub my hand along his back, wanting to get a feel for my canvas. I've given a couple back massages to people all throughout my life, the last was in recent memory when Boudica took a bad fall on the ice. That's who gave the testimonial I bragged to Dismas earlier, but hopefully I became better than 'better than average'. Dismas's reaction will tell me.

I straddled over his thighs, my half-erection naturally filling the crack of his ass, even while both were concealed under our undergarments.

He begins to laugh, "Didn't think of you as a tease."

"I thought you'd like it," I snarkly reply while hovering over his back, hands planted on the gaps above his shoulders. "I'll control myself."

"Good for you, I don't know if I can," he then pushes his hips up and shakes against me. He surely feels me twitch against him.

But I don't pursue it just yet, I had to loosen the tension in his body. I just hope I succeed, or that he's honest with me if I suck. The balls of my hands rest above his shoulder blades while I squeeze his mid-tone skin. I didn't even have to move for him to make a sound, the weight in my palms must already bring him that needed relief. It was gratifying to witness, pleasure in me without even putting any effort.

I focus on his neck and shoulders for a few minutes before kneading down the middle of his back. He squirmed when my fingers grazed his sides, it appears he's ticklish. Despite my instinct telling me to keep going at his sensitive spots and completely change the tone, I wouldn't want to ruin what we have. Another day for my silly inhibitions I suppose.

I work mainly at his lower back, I tend to believe that's where most pain resides when doing any strenuous activity. He doesn't seem to be wavering in his vocality as I focused on this spot, so I must be doing alright.

"You should get my feet next," He asks of me. "Unless that weirds you out."

"Not at all," I assure as I plant a kiss on the back of his neck. "Might be easier if you flip on your back again."

"Alright," and so he follows my word after I move aside. He props his back against the pillows and places his feet between my bent knees. "I'm not into feet stuff, though, just to be clear."

"And you think I am?" I gently pick up his ankle and get into a comfortable enough position to start the process. "No, I just want to take care of you."

"You're a weird guy, just wanted to see to what extent," Dismas looked so relaxed in front of me, his smile so smooth and relaxed. "Thank you, I know this probably isn't what you were expecting tonight."

"No, it's better than I anticipated," I reply as I work. "To see you so calm and happy...it makes me happy."

"...Where have you been all my life?" Dismas pondered with a tilt of his head. "Never had someone...wanted to take care of me. Except for my mama, I guess."

"You deserve to be taken care of. And I suppose...I feel gratification for helping people I care about. We both get something out of this."

"Yeah..." his eyes appear to be staring into space, mind blank as it should to keep oneself at ease. "What do you think?"

"...About what?" I genuinely don't know what he's referring to.

"Us. What would you call us?" He dances his perched foot on my knees.

"Uhm...two men enjoying each other's company?" I still don't really get his angle here.

He chuckles, "Yeah? Seems right, but pretty vague, ain't it?" Dismas was being coy with me, head swaying back and forth while letting his limbs loose. Like he was playing a game with me.

"What would you call us?" I throw the question back at him.

"Hm...a couple of sad saps committed to each other exclusively?" He shrugs, then looks off to the side, "Or to say it simply...boyfriends?"

I stop my hands, then my breath. I-I guess...I just didn't realize that's what we were building to this entire time. Boyfriends...what a wonderful idea.

"I-If not, if you think that's a little too fast, then we don't--"

"Nonono, I-I-I would love-" I stop myself, trying to think of better words. "Being boyfriends would be...amazing. More than amazing, I-..."

He giggles, "Didn't mean to trip you up, big guy. I'm happy you agree, I just...really like ya."

"I like you, too," I confess as I resume my massage. "Wow, I just...so we are boyfriends now?"

"Yeah, why not?" Dismas smiles. "Let's try it out."

"B-But it would have to be a secret, wouldn't it?" I remember our concerns for his captain finding out the nature of our relationship. Would there be real consequences if we came out clean? "I think we'd eventually be found out."

"Then let them," Dismas shrugged, unbothered. "Sarmenti won't do anything, at most he'd give you a weird look. Do you think your coach will have a problem with it?"

"I...I don't think so?" I've never considered Coach being an authority of concern, he's so relaxed on all of us. Alhazred I'm a bit hesitant about, but...I believe my skills are valuable enough to them to not let me go for such a harmless relationship. I broke a man's leg and they still let me stay, for Christ's sake. "He is practically a father to me, and approves of the LGBT community. I would worry about my team manager, but I don't think he even has the power to change anything if he wants to."

"Then there's no need to hide it," Dismas assures me, then chuckles, "I'm okay with you bragging about datin' a figure skater."

"W-Well, I suppose same goes for you, if there is...any bragging about dating a hockey player."

"Oh yeah, the girls adore y'all," Dismas reveals to me. "Sahar really likes that big dark skinned one with the scar over his face."

"Tardif?" My jaw drops. "He's so rude and...uncouth!"

"She likes bad boys, what can I say?" Dismas laughs. "You turn the most heads though, everyone in the team basically agrees you're the shining star. Pretty boy, essentially."

"W-What??" I am not pretty, Dismas is the pretty one. I roll out of bed without a care of how I present myself, I don't even brush my hair!

"Yeah, so when everyone finds out I'm canoodling with you, they'd be so fucking jealous," am I really considered such a prize to these ladies? I feel like I should be offended, but...I kinda like that. "They don't know how sweet and amazing you are, that's all for me."

"That is," I nod. "And no one on my team will know how sweet and amazing you are, either. I have you all to myself..."

My work on his feet seemed sufficient enough, and I was growing impatient. Dismas yelps as I hook one of his ankles over my shoulder, moving in for the prowl.

"Raowr, who's this animal?" He then folds his hands over the back of my neck and pulls me in closer. "You're not done, though."

"Huh?" Was I not? I thought that's all Dismas asked for.

"Nope," he shakes his head with a coy grin across his face. "Now you gotta blow my back out."

Even though I was still confused, he advanced towards my groin and squeezed me tight. Then after a few strong strokes, he sticks his hand down my underwear and grips me even tighter. Oh, the shiver down my spine...Should I return the favor?

I put his leg aside to help me pull off his briefs, giving me a satisfying reveal of his bloated cock I praised so heavily. As I began to stroke him, he urged his hips forward, panting for some more relief. Now our manhoods were side by side, stroking next to each other, hot and sticky against each other's stretched skin. Th-Though I was bigger, his size was still impressive for his build. Perfectly curved, just the right amount of blush against his hot skin, I could taste it in my mouth to this day.

"Don't get me wrong, I like lookin' at your cute face," Dismas sighs out, "but can you do me from the back?"

His voice...how could I deny his panting, wanting voice? "Of course, sweetheart."

That pet name seemed to amuse him as he turned back around and stood on his arms and knees, "Remember, you can be as rough as you want. Pull my hair if you need to."

Why would I need to do that? Is this one of Dismas's secret desires he's too embarrassed to speak out loud? "Where's the lubrication?"

"Oh, should be in one of these..." he stretches his body out to one of the nightstands, shifting through the drawers, then with no luck, moves to the other. He sighs. "Welp, plenty of toys, but no bottle."

"What?" What kind of establishment is this? A place specially made for sex between men doesn't have lubrication?

"It's not a big deal, big guy," Dismas reassured me as he took something out of one of the drawers. "We can try--"

"What the hell is that?" I didn't mean to exclaim so viciously, but he just pulled out a large blue phallic thing. It made me jump back in shock.

"A vibrator, it'll loosen me up good and I don't gotta even worry about a sore ass tomorrow," Dismas observes the thing like it was a trophy. He continues to explain as he reaches to the other side of the bed for the first night stand. "Less friction than if you fucked me with just spit. Trust me, it works."

A clean wipe is pulled from the drawer and rubbed over the thing to sanitize it. He hasn't even realized that I'm frozen still, undoubtedly fearful in my gaze.

"What? You don't like it?" He chuckles. "Don't be jealous of it. You're always better, it's just to prep me."

"O-Oh, I know, I-," I don't hate the thing, I'm just...unfamiliar with it, and admittedly a little disturbed by it. "I'm just...shocked is all."

"I was hoping you could use it on me," he states to me as he waves it dry, "but if that's not your thing, I can use it on myself."

Me? Use it? Or him? Putting it in himself? I think I'm getting dizzy...

"You're going to put that inside you?" I pointed at the thing, and then at the pure, beautiful man holding it.

"Only for a few minutes, a tight ass like this doesn't get acclimated to a big guy like you instantly. It's faster than fingers, and goes deeper, too."

Oh my goodness...

"...You're not into this, are you?" he dropped his voice and the toy, sitting it by his hip. He began to close his legs, almost like he did the other day at my apartment when I didn't understand why he wanted my clothes. No, I was making him insecure!

"No! It's just...new!" Never have I thought a man could use a vibrating, penetrative instrument. Even women using those is weird to me, but I can't knock it until I try it, I guess... "Let's try it, I'm curious."

"Mm," he flattened his lips, looking unsure of himself. "O-Okay, just...don't judge me."

"Why would I judge you?" I really messed up this time. He's folded in naked, presented his body with confidence, and I just ruined his self-esteem with a few odd looks. "You look gorgeous, Dismas. A-And I'm sure you'll look even hotter with that...uh-"

"Toy."

"Toy pleasuring you," I'm making it so much worse, I feel like running away to stop my embarrassment any further. "I'll enjoy it."

"You don't gotta..." Dismas pushed his shoulders up to his neck. "If you're weirded out by it, then...we can go to the store and get lube--"

"Please no, I don't want to ruin this moment anymore than I already am..." We had such good momentum, and now I feel like I'm having to fish this relationship out from drowning. "I want to experience new things with you, Dismas. You showed me so much already that brought me great pleasure, and I already know one of them is seeing you happy. And comfortable."

"...Okay," Dismas raised the toy to his chest. "I don't know what I look like masturbating, but I trust you won't think it's weird."

"It'll be sexy," I place my hand on his fragile cheek. "Anything with you will always be."

Finally, he cracks a smile and a slight laugh, "You're a charmer..."

Once he gains his composure again, he shifts away from me and props his back up against a pile of pillows. I watch as his legs spread wide and his knees set high, all before he pulls the toy up to his lips and drools an impressive amount of saliva down on the silicone. It's even hotter farther away than it is up close, his whole body leaning into spreading the fluid around with his other hand.

"This is my favorite one," he explains after he wipes his lips. "I would spend boring moments back here when I wanted to get away from people, thinking about someone loving me as much as I love myself."

"That is very sweet..." certainly a switch in perspective of something that I always believed to be a superficial instrument of pleasure. "Thanks for sharing this with me. I know it's a sensitive subject."

"Oh yeah, but I don't want to be sappy about it too much," he clicks and holds one of the bigger buttons on its bulbous base, up until I hear it burr in his hands. "I'm just fucking myself."

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at the vibration part of this vibrator. He takes it down past his groin and teases it around his hole, and I watch as it twitches and squints at the foreign tool. Soon enough, he slides it in himself with ease, taking in almost all of it until he groans out.

"Fuck, I already hit my damn prostate..." he mumbles to himself. "Ohh, ahh~..."

His shoulders scrunch up as his body arcs inward, the stimulation of a rapidly vibrating penetrator not matching anything I nor any man could do. His face blushes wildly, red down to his neck.

"It's so damn weird to have someone watch me do this..." he grits his teeth.

"I-I can look away," I back away briefly.

"N-No, i-it's...fuck, it's hot..." he sighs before dropped his back against the pillows, practically laying flat as he continues to thrust the moving mechanism through him.

"It is," the way he squeaks and moans is nothing I've heard from him yet. It was...cute, raw, vulnerable. The fire in my gut started to burn hotter. "May I...help?"

"Help how?" he darts his eyes up to me, widened at the prospect that I'd participate in what I believed was a strange act. "Like...fuck me with this?"

"Yeah," or I could jerk him off, or rub his nipples, or anything he wanted. "Whatever you'd like."

"God, Rey, you do so much for me already..." He scoots his body down closer to me, leg intertwining with my thigh. "If you want...keep goin' in and out of me like that. And don't be shy about...pleasurin' yourself."

Just seeing him like this is my pleasure, but I know what he means. He lets go briefly to let my hand down at the base, my fingers tingling from the vibrative qualities. So hot already from his heat emanating all over it. My task is simple enough, like fingering without the loss of blood coming in my fingers.

"Tell me if you'd like it faster or slower," I ask of him while I take control. Somehow, he seems to be showing much more enjoyment. His moans were turning into panting, his toes and fingers were gripping into the sheets. It must be curled in such a way where it strikes him right in his sensitive spot, constantly being stimulated and stroked up without a chance for him to breathe. His hard cock was rising up and down with my work, I could even see some clear leakage dripping down his abs. I can't take this...

With my other hand, I take his suggestion and masturbate. There must be something with the vibrations traveling up my arm and through the rest of my body, I'm kinda starting to like this. He gets in a rhythm with his contortions, almost appearing to push himself into his toy while he plays with his nipples. His eyes are shut tight, though, almost getting to a whimper.

"Oh Rey..." Dismas pleads softly. "I don't wanna cum so soon, but I love how you fuck me."

"Don't hold it back," I lean over him, my own cock touching right against his thick thigh. "You look so sexy right now, you don't understand."

"I-I'm almost ready for you, I can feel it," his sighs are beginning to shake. "I want you--FUCK, I want you so damn bad."

"You do have me," his face is just out of this world beautiful. Even under the overstimulation, he still manages to drive me mad.

"J-Just a little longer, and you can have all of me," he pushes his foot against the front of my shoulder. "But God, stop being so good at this..."

"I'm only doing what you told me to," I take a break from myself to meet his face below, caressing his hair as I kiss him upon his cheek. "What is it...pull your hair?"

"Agh!" He flinches back as I yank a lock of his bangs. "Oh fuck, baby, keep doin' that."

Dismas has made making love to him so easy, telling me what he wants and how he wants it. It was the opposite of me, I didn't know what I wanted nor how I wanted it. All I knew was that I wanted Dismas, ever since the first time } laid eyes on him. Now here I am, being the muse of his symphony of desires. Pulling his hair while I was pushing his buttons.

Maybe I was doing it a little too well, as he launched his hands up onto my penetrating arm and gripped me as tight as he could.

"Alright, fuck, that's good--" Once I stopped, it was like he let a million bricks come off his shoulders. His recovering sigh was past the capacity of his lungs, I'm sure of it. "Turn that damn thing off, I'm ready for the real thing."

Aw, I was starting to like it, but I could use a different set of strokes. My hand is nothing compared to Dismas. After fumbling with the toy for an embarrassingly long time, we got right back to where we started. Ass up, on his knees, ready to take me in.

"I think you may still be a little too tight," I pull my thumb against his looser sphincter, it's just not loose enough.

"Ah, fuck it. I'm impatient," He proclaims before burying his head in the pillow. "Nothing can save my ass from that monster. Especially when it fucks me like it means it."

"I won't hold back," it almost sounded like a threat, because deep down, I knew it was. I stroked a layer of spit over my fiery heat before I lined myself up with his entrance. I grabbed his hips, he asked for this...

"Oh FUCK!" He cried out, not expecting me to pull him so violently onto my weapon. His body was definitely not prepared enough, I could still feel the tight constriction, but damn is it just heaven. "Right, right! Just like that--AHh~!"

I don't even think his knees are attached to the bed anymore. My grip is so tight it's making my knuckles white, my throat dry and hot like a desert. All this foreplay has made my desires more desperate, more...heathenistic! A roaring hearth was burning in my gut, firing up my chest, and spitting embers out of my pores. A career trudging through the cold, dark world, when my bright fire was right here. Pliant, pleading, screaming for me.

Dismas, my fire, lighting my body like a wick into my explosive heart. Ready to spill out, just for him.

"Fuck, Rey! I'm gonna cum!!" He throws his back towards me while curling his fingers tightly around my hip-attached hand. "Pull my hair again, do whatever you want with me! I'm your little slut--"

All I wanted to do was kiss him, twist our necks around to get on each others' hot months while we reached our orgasms. Of course I fulfilled his wish, feeling the satisfaction of twisting my fingers through his hair and pulling it like a horse's lead. Complete control...

Dismas let's out the biggest groan into my mouth as I spot him dress the purple sheets, followed by me returning the exchange as I pump up the deepest I could. My eyes were shut, but I could see the flame sputter, turn into vivid lightning, then dissipate into stars. All I could feel was Dismas's warmth twisted all around me, surrounding me at all sides threatening to suffocate me.

What a way to go, held down by an angel...

-

Chapter Text

I passed out after sex again, is this going to be a normal thing now? This time I was only out for a few minutes before Dismas shook me awake, made sense since I was at his workplace where I can't just sleep through the night.

"Rey!" He yelled with relief, his robe back on his body. "Thank fucking God, I thought you were a goner."

My head was still in a fuzz, vodka really isn't my type of alcohol. I could barely pick my head up to see where I was, the last couple hours felt like a dream...

"How long was I...?" I couldn't even finish my sentence I was so groggy, but Dismas knew my message.

"Like five minutes. You dropped dead right on top of me, gave me a fucking scare, dog..." Dismas clutched his robe tightly across his chest.

"Ah, I-I'm sorry, Dismas..." I manage to push my upper body up with my elbows, looking down at the pattern of the sheets below as I feel the air conditioning turn my exposed skin ice cold. I immediately go for the blanket to wrap my nude body, it was freezing in here. "Falling asleep after sex seems to be a reoccurring thing with me, I'm sorry."

"...I think we gotta get you outta here," Dismas drops down to the floor to grab my clothes. It sounded like he was mumbling to himself, "Agh, should never have brought you here..."

"What's wrong?" I gain my strength back enough to sit up. He looked white in the face once he came back to view. "Did I do something wrong-?"

"No, noo," Dismas rested my clothes next to me and crawled on the bed. He held the side of my face then brushed back my hair like I was a gentle animal. "I just think it's best you go home."

"What...?" I blink up at him. If he denied I did anything wrong, what's the rush to make me leave so soon? "Are you in trouble for bringing me?"

"No, it's hard to explain..." Dismas shakes his head, then picks up my shirt and holds it to my chest. "Just put your clothes on, you're not safe here."

"What are you talking about?" I hated this vagueness, I've never seen Dismas act like this before.

"You're not in your right mind...I'll explain tomorrow..."

-

Bright, blinding sun, dresses my haze. This isn't a morning headache, this is different.

I woke up in my own bed, trying to recall the last thing that happened yesterday at Dismas's job. He said he'd explain...something to me the next day, then I recalled the street lights on the way back to my apartment, then me opening my door. Or was it my door opening for me?

My muscles felt sore, despite no excessive exertion. My outside clothes were still on, no wonder I was sweating so terribly. I must've fallen in bed just like this, faced down with no regard for my comfort.

But the better question is...what happened to Dismas?

I find my phone in my back pocket, the side of my face still attached to a drool drenched pillow. I feel like a damn zombie, I don't remember the hangover being this bad. Plus I only had one drink...

Then I saw the paragraph. Dismas wrote me an entire screenful. It's going to take me a while to adjust my eyes to read and process every word, but...

Hmm...

Huh...

...Oh...

I call him.

"Rey! Oh my God, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine, just shocked..."

"I'm so fucking sorry, Rey. I really am."

"It wasn't your fault, Dismas, please breathe..."

"I...I didn't think to warn you. I should've told you to watch your drink! I should've--"

"Breathe, Dismas, breathe. I'm okay now."

"I'll make them fucking pay! I'll make my boss look through the cameras and find that son of a bitch!"

"There were too many people, it'd be impossible."

"God...I-...I shouldn't have brought you there. Bullshit like that happens all the time, I should've just kept you away---!"

"Don't blame yourself for such unpredictable things! It hurts my heart..."

"I...I never wanted to get you hurt."

"I know you didn't. And I'm not hurt. You took me home safely."

"I wanted to stay with you, but I had to go back. I just trusted you knew how to lock your own door."

"...Dismas, if...if that weren't me, and it was you. And if I wasn't there--"

"I-I know . It's dangerous, but I know how to avoid it. It's an inevitable thing, happens more often than you think, and all I can do is protect myself."

"...I don't want you to get hurt."

" I won't. I know it seems like I work at some sleezy trap house, but I'm  protected. Please, just trust me."

"I...Okay. But just know, if you ever find yourself in danger, I'm just down the road."

"Okay, Rey. Hopefully I won't have to take that offer, but I never know what  could  happen..."

"Be safe. I care about you."

"I care about you, too. And again, sorry..."

"Don't be sorry. I'm just glad you made it home safe, too."

"I am, too..."

-

After a week, I've finally brushed off that night at Dismas's work, and since then we've gone on a couple more dates as an 'official couple'. I would exchange looks at him as our teams pass by between practices, but we would never have enough time to talk. I could still see the shame and guilt behind his eyes as we went on these dates, I know he feels partly responsible for that night. It was best we moved on from it, as they haven't yet found who did that to me, and it will only hurt us more if we dwelled on it.

It doesn't seem like Dismas has returned since then, though. He says he made good tips that night, enough to pay the bills, but he'd have to go back to earn rent. I offered him my help again, which he stayed firm in his initial answer to. Perhaps I should stop pushing it, no use comes from forcing help on someone who doesn't want it.

By the second date, he brought us to his place. His shared apartment with Audrey, one of his figure skating colleagues, who was sitting on the couch watching TV by the time we entered.

"Evening, princess," Dismas dropped his jacket on the shelf as he passed by. His apartment complex seemed to be on the fancier side, having to put in a code for a gate to open and even driving by a large pool only the residents have access to. It makes my place look like a motel, and I thought my apartment was quite nice. The living room was only a bit bigger than mine, and it was decorated quite femininely. The whole room was dim with pink LED fairy lights donning the wall, reminding me of Dismas's work place. The walls also had a variety of colorful artwork and floral decor, the only thing that seemed to stand out was a big deer skull near the corner. I would say that was Dismas's contribution, but it didn't seem like his style.

Audrey was eating a bowl of cereal while criss-crossed in her seat, too enthralled by her show to turn to us. "What up, shit lips."

"Rey's staying over, is that cool?"

"Sure, I'll be leaving for work soon anyways," she's starting work soon? It's 8PM, is she also a sex worker like Dismas?

"You want a snack, big guy?" Dismas walks around the bar counter that separates the living room from the kitchen.

"I am okay, but thank you," but then I get distracted by Audrey's show. It's quite morbid by the looks of it, as it was a black and white filming of the walls of the catacombs. Skulls and bones, grainy from an undoubtedly vintage camera. A history buff, maybe?

"Are you watching that creepy ass documentary again?" Dismas seemed fed up with Audrey's viewing media already, it must be a repeat watch.

"It's really good, alright?!" The blonde defended herself, finally staring back at us over the couch. "It's my comfort show. You have those, right, Rey?"

Why is she involving me now? "I-uhh, I guess I have my favorites..."

"You don't get it, babe, she watches that shit like ten times a week," Dismas pulls out a bag of open candy from the freezer. "I swear I probably know the lines as much as she does."

"Tell me where else you can find informative yet entertaining documentation of decomposed human corpses?" She argues back.

"She works in the morgue, loves dead bodies so much I'm surprised she hasn't fucked one," Dismas informs me as he throws the candy in his mouth.

"You're disgusting," she rolls her eyes. "All of those bodies are ugly as hell, I would never."

"Crazy girl..." Dismas then turns to grab a glass from the dish drying rack. "Want a water, Rey?"

"Y-Yes, thank you..." Their dynamic was so strange. They express they don't like each other, yet they actually do? I couldn't imagine Dismas would like where he was living if he truly hated Audrey. Perhaps this is the reason I couldn't live with roommates.

"Make yourself at home," Dismas handed me a glass of water he dispensed from the fridge. "Thought I'd share my space since we've only spent time at yours."

"Oh, I don't mind that." I take a seat on a bar stool and accept the glass. "But thank you for inviting me into your home. Yours and Audrey's home."

"Truly it's just Audrey's home. I just was fucked out of my last place and she took me in," Dismas explained as he poured his own glass of water. "Been smooth sailing, as far as I know."

"Nah, I hate his ass," she snarks back.

"She loves me," he smiles as he turns back. "We've been best friends for a while now, nearly ten years, doing our skating together. She's actually the reason why I got back into doing public shows, said she'd house me if she had to."

"Yeah, but remember you gotta pay me royalties once you go big," Audrey at least seemed confident Dismas will be famous and successful.

"I'll just ride off your coattail when you get big," he jokes.

"That evaluation made me look like a trembling giraffe," she recalls the week before. "I didn't even wanna do that shit anyways, but Sarmenti said everyone had to."

"He's just tryna put us out there, girly. Don't you wanna stop touching crusty old bodies?"

"Doing skating full time will just make me bored. And tired. And bored," she gets up off her chair as she continues her explanation. "You see something new everyday at the morgue. Yesterday, I saw a man with a big tree branch up his--"

"Alright, I'd rather not think about that right now. Especially in front of guests," Dismas had a point, I do get queasy at the thought of death and decomposition. Good for Audrey that she enjoys it, not everyone has that ability to do her work.

"If he's gonna stay over, he better get used to me," Audrey stated as she hip bumped Dismas on her way to the sink. "When I leave and y'all bone, be extra loud for the neighbors next door. They've been pissing me off."

"Roger," he agrees.

Dear lord...she's entertaining, at least.

"I'm gonna get ready for work," she announces.

"Kay-kay."

She leaves the kitchen area and proceeds through one of the doors across from us.

"Sorry 'bout her, she's a lil weird," he apologized for Audrey, which didn't seem entirely necessary.

"No, she seems lovely," I defended her. "I admire people who take their niche interests in stride."

"Well glad you do, the skeletal remains around this place gives me chills," Dismas then stares up at the deer skull. "That thing has gone into my nightmares I'm pretty sure. I don't even know where she got that thing, 'cause she said it was real."

"Perhaps in this instance, ignorance is bliss..." I express as I take a sip of my drink.

-

The next game was in just a couple days, and my butt has been busted so much I could barely get the energy to walk up the stairs to my apartment. I just miss Dismas, but his practices would start before I'd be able to leave, and it's basically impossible to get in touch with him when he's in there. All the doors to the smaller rink are locked, no risk of distractions for the skaters. I get it, I truly do, but I found my only real relief from my pounding headaches is being around Dismas. These chemical drugs don't compare, and the one Dr. Paracelsus prescribed me gave me stomach problems...

I texted Dismas when I dropped myself in bed, and it appears he's at work again. God be damned, that thought was making my headache even worse...

"ill text you when i leave big guy," he texted me.

"Call me instead, please. I need to hear your voice."

"alright, no prob"

I keep my phone at the highest ringer volume as possible, and prepare to pass out. Losing consciousness was hard, not just because of the headache, but also due to my own actions. Am I being too overbearing on Dismas? Is asking for him to call me instead of texting me pushing him a little too far from his comfort? I have never said anything controlling, at least from what I know, and he hasn't expressed any issue with me. He's a very blunt person and tells his qualms without hesitation, he'd do it for me...right?

Being in this relationship is hard, because I don't want to own him, but I want to keep him for myself. I want to keep him safe, love him how he deserves, but it's just so early to tell. He feels like the one, but anyone can feel like the one if I feel like there is no one else around. I don't want anyone else, I just want Dismas. Sweet, caring, beautiful Dismas...

I pray that he comes home safe, just so I can get some sleep. I steady my breathing, hoping God will take care of him while I can't. While I'm mortal, I need to sleep while Dismas is awake.

...

...

Riiiiiiiiinnngg

...

Riiiiiiiiinnngg

"Hello? Dismas--?"

"Rey--! I-..."

He's out of breath, undoubtedly distressed. Is this some nightmare?

"REY! I-I-I need help!"

It sounds like he's running. It's 2AM, usually the time he leaves. I jump out of bed, alert as ever.

"Where are you? What's happening?"

"These guys, they're following me, and now they're chasing me!"

This can't be happening. I grab my clothes from the floor and put my phone on speaker while I get dressed.

"I'm coming, where are you?!"

"I'm running towards the arena, just meet me there--"

"My place is closer! Come here instead, and I'll--"

"I don't want them to know where you live!"

"I don't care! Save your breath, run as fast as you can!"

"O-Okay, Rey!"

"Stay on the phone."

I'm already out the door. No time for shoes, no time to wipe the crust from my eyes. I had to protect Dismas.

He was losing steam, but he was close. As I stepped outside onto the second floor railings, I could see him past the trees in the streets in front of my building, barely lit up by the street lamps.

"I see you, Dismas! Don't stop until you get inside, I'll be at the stairs. I'll take care of it."

There's two assailants about a car distance behind him, too close for my comfort. They're fast, but Dismas, bless his athleticism, was able to get himself out of their reach. Seeing them, even without the ability to make out distinctive features, made my blood boil. I reached the base of the stairs once Dismas crossed my view, turning a sharp corner to enter under the canopy of the entrance to meet me. I put down my phone to hug him, just long enough to tell him he's safe, but it was short lived.

"Go! My door is unlocked," I assure him, which he just wordlessly nodded. His body was shaking like an injured deer, and his eyes...

I'll make them pay.

He runs up the stairs as I watch the monsters start to approach me. Two tall men, one a bit skinner than the other, but that's all I could ascertain before I grabbed the hair of the closest one and bashed his skull against the brick wall. He screamed, he cried, he was trickling blood onto the pavement. The other one tried to save him, but with my free hand, I stopped him in his tracks. My palm rested on his forehead while my fingers gripped his thinning hairs, it took everything in me not to rip out his scalp. The flash of fear that dressed his eyes, it was more than satisfying. They outnumbered me, but they knew full well I could kill them. They weren't worth the charge.

I gave him a good bash on the wall just like his friend, and as they both fell to the ground, they raised their hands to surrender. I almost conceded, but then I remembered what they did. The fear they made poor, defenseless Dismas go through, my Dismas.

I kicked the first one in the stomach, more pain mixed with his bleeding, but it wasn't enough for me. My hands were stronger, better to satisfy my itch, so I crouched down and rammed a balled-up fist into anywhere his face would hurt. I didn't count how often, but it was a good few, enough to make his friend curl up and cry. Despite my damage, the psychological torture I was causing, I didn't feel a sliver of remorse.

It was like I was back in battle, fighting for what I believed in.

And I believe they should die.

But I held back. My punching bag was still conscious, unfortunate for him, but he deserved every atom of pain. His blood dressed my hands, the amount sufficient enough to cause me to be queasy. Though his shaken friend was barely bruised, I lost my adrenaline. He would be the luckier one out of the two.

"O-Oh my God..." Dismas didn't listen to me, but his stalkers were subdued enough to not be endangered. He slowly approached me from the top of the stairs.

All that was hatred in my mind turned into compassion, as well as guilt. I didn't want him to see me like this, huffing and puffing while my fist was dripping in another's blood. But he was grateful.

"Thank you, Rey," he began to audibly sob as he stood right behind me. He didn't want to touch me, I could tell, and I wouldn't blame him. "Thank you...oh God--"

"I'm going to call the police," I finally said something since I went into this murderous trance.

"W-W-What?" Dismas didn't seem to approve of that. "N-No, you'll go to jail, Rey. Just leave them--"

"It's the right thing to do. I'm willing to be detained if these two get locked up. I don't want these demons to hurt anyone else," my sigh comes out shakey. I was getting emotional, despite trying to be as logical as possible. If I go to jail, my career may be over, and I wouldn't see Dismas. But it was the right thing, I knew it in my heart.

"I'm so sorry..." here he goes again, blaming himself.

"Apologizing is an insult to yourself," I look down at my crimson hand, wondering if I should wipe it off, or if that would be destroying evidence. "I don't want you to think you need to succumb to danger for the sake of others' convenience. I will be fine. I could've done so much less to these two, but I couldn't...control myself. I should be sorry to you for having to see this."

"...Nah. They deserved it," he stepped next to me, looking down at the monsters still attached to the ground. "Rey?"

"Hm?" I turned to face Dismas for the first time since he ran to me.

"I'll quit my job tomorrow."

-

Chapter Text

I didn't know how to tell coach I was in jail. He was the first one I called from the police department, held in a small room with a chair, table, and a landline phone under the surveillance of two guards. It was 9AM, I haven't slept since Dismas woke me up, so I was also just incoherent explaining everything to him.

"Why are you in jail, son?" He sounded calm, but also tired. Either he just woke up or is already feeling the weight of the day on his conscience.

"I injured two men that were chasing my boyfriend. Probably a lot more than was warranted..." I admitted as I looked back at everything with a clearer head. "They are still processing my bond."

"You have a boyfriend?" Oh, I guess that was news to coach too.

"Y-Yeah. He works near the arena, and he was being followed and threatened by two strangers as he was leaving. I told him to lead them to my apartment so I would...take care of them."

"Jesus Christ, Reynauld. Are you okay?"

"I'm perfectly fine. A little sleep deprived, but I'm okay," I nodded.

"Okay, well...let me know how much bail is. I want you out of there as soon as possible."

"I appreciate it, coach," I hate to accept money from him in any form, but he wants to take care of me as much as he can. The face he makes when I deny him that burden is hard to endure, even over the phone I would be able to see it.

"God...you're the last one I would think to get locked up. All this trouble for a boy?"

"He's...he's not just any boy. He's worth the trouble," it was hard for me to describe Dismas to coach in a convincing way, anything that wasn't just my feelings and attraction. He wouldn't get it. "I'll be okay, coach."

He sighs, "Whatever you say. I hate to see a good kid be caught up in trouble because of a boyfriend or girlfriend."

My chest starts to twist, heart threatening to collapse. He's just watching out for me, I know he is, but he doesn't know Dismas. He doesn't know me. I'd drop anything I'd be doing to protect the people I care about, even my teammates. If they were being chased by two crazy and dangerous people, I'd do the same for them. But because it's Dismas, coach thinks I did this out of blind love. Just breathe...

"I'll try my best to stay out of trouble," but no promises.

"Good. Call me with any more updates," he sighs again, but sounds a little shakier. God, I don't know if I can handle hearing coach cry. "I love ya, son. Take care of yourself, please."

"I will," I nod again, knowing it's a fruitless task given how he can't see me. "I'll see you soon, hopefully."

"See you soon," and he hangs up. I'm a disappointment...

It's worth it. Dismas is safe now, he was escorted by police to his car and drove back to his apartment with Audrey. I haven't heard anything from him since, but that wouldn't be the case for much longer. As soon as I got back to my cell, I was told I had visitors.

Audrey and Dismas were sitting on the other side of the clear acrylic window of the booth, a phone on either side to communicate while still having the illusion of speaking face to face. I needed this, his face was all I could ask for right now.

"Everything alright?" Dismas looked as tired as me, seems he couldn't sleep either. His clothes were baggy and his body was hunched over. Actually, it looked like he was wearing...my shirt.

"Better, now that you're here," I was happy Dismas came back to me. I thought him seeing me in such a gruesome light would turn him away from me forever, but no. He still cares about me. I waved to the blonde sitting behind him, "Hi, Audrey."

She waved and appeared to say hi back, but I couldn't hear her as her mouth wasn't at the phone.

"Are you okay?" I turned back to him. That was my number one concern, this holding cell was nothing if Dismas was still hurting.

"Oh yeah, just needed some sleep. I'm really just worried about you," a selfless soul. So long as he says he's okay, who am I to doubt him? "Are they gonna try you? Did you call a lawyer?"

"I was given the option, but I said no."

I could see the stress draining the color from his face. "God, Rey, I really hope you get out of this..."

"Last I heard they were processing my bond. How much it is, I'm not too sure," I hoped that would give him a little reassurance.

"Oh good, sounds like they may not send you to court then," Dismas sighs. "Not unless those two fucks try to sue you."

"It's a high likelihood, but they did threaten your life," I rationalize. "They'd be hard pressed to find a case for themselves."

"I don't know, court is messy and lawyers are bloodsucking assholes," he shook his head. "All I can hope is the police did their job and checked out the cameras around there. They don't tend to believe victims, especially if it's those in my line of work," he furrows his brows with his side eye.

"My teammates Willam and Tardif work with the police. They may be able to vouch for us."

"Nah, don't stress them about it. All I care about is you getting out of here and those sleezy fucks off the streets."

"I don't know about the second part, but I am going to try my best. If not, well, at least you'll still visit me, right?"

"Of course, but...we'll cross that bridge when we get there," he offered me a nervous laugh, then a long pause with a blank stare down at the counter. "Can I...ask something?"

"Of course you can," I nod. I'll never get tired of his voice, nor his thoughts.

"...Why are you doing all this for me?" He asked so sincerely, but I thought the question was ridiculous.

"Because you deserve it," I answered honestly, "but if you want the selfish reason, it's because you care about me. So I care about you."

"...I guess that's fair," Dismas chuckled, but looked nervous rather than smug and confident. He looked off to the side, "It's just...no guy's ever been this nice to me before. Maybe 'cause I'm either surrounded by girls or around dumb douchebags who just want my body, but...you're just so nice to me."

"Well, like I said, you deserve to be treated nicely," I spoke softer this time, he appears too vulnerable for my normal talking voice. I'm afraid it might scare him more. "Maybe more than anyone. You have such a big heart, yet you've suffered so much. God should treat you nicer, but he treats the kind and the cruel equally. It's not fair, but that's why we have other human beings with us. To help each other."

"...I think I love you."

...If words couldn't describe how I felt, Audrey's face certainly did. Dismas is looking at me again, his eyes threatening to pop open. He must be more surprised to hear himself say that than I.

"...You don't have to agree, that's just...how I feel."

"N-No, I do agree," I nod vigorously in hopes he understands that I really really do very much agree. "I-I love you, too, Dismas."

"...Fuck," he drops the phone and drops his head in his hands, and though I can barely hear it, it looks like he's crying. Audrey was consoling him by patting his back and brushing his hair, God knows what she's thinking. Since she couldn't hear me, I could've said no, given the reaction. I-I couldn't sit here, but I also felt like I couldn't leave. I stayed with my knuckles in his mouth, hoping I didn't hurt him. He's been going through so much, I just wish I could hug him.

"S-Sorry..." he picks up the phone again after what must've been more than a minute of sobbing. He was equipped with Audrey's little bag of tissues, he's so lucky to have her as a friend.

"You don't need to be sorry," I need to be sorry, I made him cry.

"What a fucked up place to confess our loves," Dismas laughed through the tears, jokes were his best coping mechanism. "I appreciate you, Rey. I-I really needed a damn miracle, and that's just...you as a whole."

"I'm no miracle, but you are an angel," I touch the clear wall between us, hoping my hand could phase through to touch him. "You're a blessing, Dismas. One of the most amazing people to enter my life."

As I stared into his eyes, another tear welled up within them, but accompanied with a smile this time, "Stopppp, I'm not good with compliments."

I just nod. I know how it is, how nice words don't seem to fit you from your perspective. You do nice things, but you wouldn't classify it as honorable as 'nice'. You just do it because it feels right.

"When I get out of here, we'll go somewhere nice. A break from our routine, at least for a day," I place my hand flat on the barrier to show my promise. "Hopefully my release will be sooner than later."

"I hope so, too," he sighs before mirroring my movement, touching our hands through the glass. "Sorry our relationship had to start so hectic."

"I'm sorry, too. We'll have our peace," I assured him. A promise I hope not to break.

-

After another twelve hours of occupying my cell, I was released. No bond, no questions (aside from the standard 'am I going to hurt anyone or myself'), I was let back out to the world as a free man. I would give that credit to my military background, they seemed to be really impressed with my experience. Since I wasn't diagnosed with PTSD, and this was an isolated incident of violence, they didn't consider me a threat. Not even let off with a warning since I was defending someone, they even said I wouldn't be wrong for doing it again if put under the same circumstances. Though that didn't mean to go around punching people in the face if they looked at my boyfriend the wrong way, but if his or anyone I cared about's life was in danger, and they couldn't help themselves, I was in my right to step in.

I was shocked to be so let off the hook this way, but at least the authorities here truly have moral justice in mind. Though that did mean I had to call someone to pick me up. Dismas didn't answer, he must be sleeping, so it ended up being coach.

Tonight was the last practice before the true game tomorrow, and it so happened I called right after they finished. Waiting outside the police department made me feel uneasy, even while two guards were standing by the doors. It was dark, chilly, the streetlights didn't shine as bright. Eventually, Coach Barristan's white truck pulled into the loading zone, and he was already running out of his car before I could get up off the bench.

He hugged me harder than any championship win hug he'd ever given before, calling me 'son' and 'champ' so many times that the officers wouldn't be blamed for thinking he was my real father. He urged me to the truck before thanking them and loading us up, then asked me if I wanted to eat anything. I did, but I more so wanted to go home. I could barely sleep on those cots, it was even more uncomfortable than the bedding on dirt and gravel commonplace in my missions. I've been gone too long to get used to that feeling again, my bed was calling my name. Even more so, Dismas was calling my name, as he was calling me while coach was treating me to dinner at a twenty-four hour diner.

I pick up without thinking about coach across from me.

"Dismas, did I wake you?--"

"Did you get out?!" He sounded so out of breath, so overjoyed. He must've recognized my phone called him instead of the police station and put two and two together.

"Yes, just thirty minutes ago," I clarified. "They let me go rather easily."

"Thank fucking God," he sighed, then laughed. "Well shit, where are you?"

"I'm eating with my coach," I stare across at Coach Barristan, who appeared to be as focused on the phone conversation as me, "but I will be home soon. Or if it's easier, I can have him drop me off at your apartment. I'd love to see you again."

"Whatever works, babe. God, I'm so happy you're back..."

"Me, too. But my promise to you might have to wait," I warned him. "I have a game tomorrow."

"Son, you don't have to..." Coach Barristan intervened. "If you need to take a break after all this, feel free. I care more about your health than some game."

Oh my goodness, I never thought coach would refer to our sport as just 'some game'. He was incredibly serious about hockey, one reason why he was so good at his job, but he chose me over the team. I could feel my heart fall with a thud as it hit the bottom of my stomach.

"N-No, I can do it, coach," I leaned my body over the table, hoping Dismas doesn't mind my diversion from our conversation. "We worked so hard to get to--"

"Just take the day off. It's just one game, you know Baldwin and Tardif call off all the time" he chuckled, one of his classic laughs from the core of his gut. "Please, I insist, I already told everyone you may not be able to come because of your incarceration."

"I..." I was overwhelmed with coach's kindness, as well as the fact that 'oh gosh everyone knows now', but he is right. I'm the most reliable teammate he has, never missing a practice. Perhaps I do deserve a break... "Okay...thank you, coach."

"No, thank you," he nodded with a parted lip, please don't cry, coach.

"Dismas?" I hoped he was still on the line.

"Yeah? I heard, that's really nice of him..." Dismas then laughed. "My captain would never, but good thing is that we don't have rehearsals tomorrow."

"I-I can't wait to spend the day with you," I proclaimed, hand on my chest. "I must hang up now, but I will see you soon."

"Hell yeah. Be safe, I love  you."

"I love you, too."

-

Chapter Text

I don't know how it ended up this way. A stowaway in a dark storage closet within a vacant locker room, shoved between out-of-season lacrosse nets and a figure skater with his bare back and bottom exposed by his suit's zipper. He urges me to be quiet as he pushes said bare bottom further onto me, frankly a counterproductive move while his nosey captain stood on the other side of the rattan door. The long haired authoritarian was looking for his dancer, and I was the hockey player unintentionally holding him captive. I was worried, utterly anxious, just a door swing away from being caught and ending both our careers for good, but Dismas assured me with a smile and a shake of his head that there was no such risk. We just wouldn't let that happen, even as we were actively delaying our respective duties on the big game day.

It was possibly our biggest game we've ever had, the last home game of the year if things play right for us. We've been training for weeks, late night practice and significant protein boosts to our diets. The next step of our team's careers: Regionals.

Our foes were the Forrest Brigands, a formidable group of men, but not as persistent as the Iron Crown. We gained a reputation for being the glowing, undefeated team of our town, everyone was counting on us. No calling sick to this one, this determined all of our careers. And the best part, Dismas and his figure skating team are going to be performing with us.

Just a few days before, we laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling, enjoying a quiet afternoon before the brutal days ahead. He looked healthier, happier, even gained a little more weight and wore it with pride. Beautiful as ever, my Dismas. We were excited for the big day, the first time we'll see each other in our respective sports.

"I can't wait to see you play, big guy," Dismas dances his fingers on my chest, a coy smile dressed across his lips. "Hopefully you'll get that big break and make it to the big city, 'cause one of us has to."

"Oh, hun, you haven't even gotten your results yet," I shook my head, always a pessimist over his own talents. "We can only hope both of us are recognized for our work. And if not, we still have each other."

"Whatever, sappy pants," he rolled back over to my side and forced my arm around his shoulder. "I just know you'll be hot as hell in that padding, big and scary, ready to break another leg if you had to."

"Ah, don't remind me of that, I still feel terrible about it," I patted his arm.

"Sorry, just tryna say you are a god damn beast," he widens his eyes for emphasis. "Would really like to see all that muscle and anger have his way with pretty ol' me. You know, they say sex can improve your performance at a big game. A stress relief, ya know?"

"...What are you suggesting?" I turned to look at him with a look of disbelief,

"Oh, you know, slip away a few minutes before the game to get a quick in-and-out," he chuckled.

"H-How is that going to work? You want us to run back here and return before anyone suspects we're missing?"

"No, that's-a waste of time. We can just sneak into a closet or bathroom stall," he was serious.

"What? D-Dismas, we'd surely be caught!" My face starts to heat, why would he think that was a good idea?! But at the same time, especially after I said it out loud, I can't deny it sounds intriguing.

He laughs, "That's the fun of it, babe. If it don't make you comfortable, then we can always save the celebration for afterwards. I just really want to see what it's like face to face with that helmet..."

I had nothing to say, what can I say to that? He laughs even more, he must notice my intense blushing.

"And I know you wanna see me bent over in that skin tight suit," Dismas brushes my hair back as he gets close to my face. "It's waterproof on the inside..."

"...I-" I am so nervous, because it sounds amazing. I bet he could see it in my eyes, I want that so badly. "I mean...I'm sure if we keep ourselves quiet..."

"You freak," he teases me.

"What?!" He's calling me a freak after he suggested the idea. Was this a test? I'm flabbergasted.

"I'm messin', cutie, but I'm surprised you're even considering it," Dismas then pecks my flushed cheek. "I thought you'd pass up my freaky-ass ideas, with how pure and innocent you are."

"I-I am not pure and innocent," I shake my head, though that perception was partly Dismas's fault. "I have...odd fantasies, too, us having that time and space in the arena to do that is part of it."

"So you've been thinkin' about pulling me to the side and dominatin' me in a janitor's closet, too?" Dismas offers a smug smile.

"Along those lines..." I always think about Dismas whenever I know I'm in the same vicinity of him. How perhaps he'll step out of the smaller rink to use the restroom just as I Ieave practice, and see if he can spare a few minutes to indulge with me. It's honestly an unhealthy mindset, but I can't help what my body wants. I'm glad Dismas thinks the same, but still, to actualize it...

"I could use a good dick in me before I go out there," he smirks while holding my head in his hands. "I get stage fright, especially now."

"I can be that support for you, just as you support me," I hold his arm and pull in closer. "I also get anxious before a big game."

"Yes, one of your biggest games," Dismas manipulates my body to force me on top of him, his eyes just put me in hypnosis. "And just like any other game, I think you may want to practice."

"I think I do, too," this tantalizing man, how can I deny him? "Lucky for me, I have the real thing right in front of me."

"Heh, that's right, focus on me," Dismas wraps his legs and arms around me. "Don't worry, I'll always give you a high score."

-

It was harder than anticipated to slip away from the team. About 15 minutes before the game would start, I initiated my meetup with Dismas. I had to fake using the restroom, convince them that I'd meet them all geared up and ready to hit the ice. Coach and Alhazred were hesitant, but they let me be, and all I had to bank on was Dismas getting the same luxury.

We met in one of the smaller locker rooms tucked away in a hardly used wing of the arena, happy to find him standing by the door with his gorgeous uniform. I hope I didn't keep him waiting too long, my heavy padding really dragged me down as I ran to get here. We didn't say a word until we quietly got inside the dark room, just enough light from the small window of the door to see what we were doing. This spot was fantastic, Dismas was a genius.

"Let's try to keep the volume down, these hallways like to echo," Dismas warned as he led me to a bench, sitting down like he already chose his examination table. "Fuck, you're hot as hell in your uniform."

"Hah, I can say the same," I was already out of breath from sprinting here, but I wanted to acknowledge his beauty. I hope I don't ruin his makeup and done-up hair, nor tear his sparkly suit. I've seen him stretch his uniform with all sorts of splits and jumps, it can surely take a hockey player's brute. "You're absolutely stunning, my Dismas."

"Thanks, sexy," he gripped and pulled the collar of my jersey. "Now enough chit chat, we got a game to get to."

He didn't have to say much more before I was already on his lips, curling over his body on the wooden bench. It must be so uncomfortable on his back, but there wouldn't be a much better option in this entire arena. Perhaps the gymnastics mats? Ah, too late, we were already in motion.

"D-Do you want me to remove my helmet?" I ask in the middle of our kissing. Though it wasn't a full face cage, the eye covering found itself digging into Dismas's nose and cheek.

"Nah, it's hot," he breathed out as he dragged his hand down to my crotch. "You wearing a cup?"

"No, I left it just for this," it wasn't worth the hassle to take it off and put it back on, the adjusting had to be just right or it'd be entirely uncomfortable to skate in. It was worth the risk to just leave it entirely. "Do you have a zipper?"

"Yeh, but give me some teasin' before you open my ass up," he brings his lips to the exposed part of my neck, so damn warm... "I'm already gettin' hard."

"M-Me, too," I'm so extremely sweaty, but it doesn't look like Dismas minds the odor. In fact, he seems to relish it, as he traced his nose along my jaw with a heavy sniff.

"Fuck, babe, I don't know how long I'd last with you," he drives his hips up against me, "'cause I still wanna enjoy it."

"Then let's enjoy it, we have plenty of time," I grind my lower body down on him in response. "Feeling you against me is like nothing other..."

"Right, keep talkin' those sweet words, baby," he urged me closer, gritting his teeth. "Make me yours, oh God, make me want it."

"I'll make you need it," I force his body to curl into me, pulling his ass and legs into the air with my thighs. I can't help but pull my pants down just enough to rub my raw cock onto his uniform, not as chaffed as I thought with the sparkles. It was soft, elastic, forming over Dismas's own erection like a vacuum-packed seal. "Sexy thing..."

"Oh I want so badly to get you to cum all over my suit," he heaved out, squirming under my weight, "but that won't look very professional..."

"None of this is professional," I began humping between his legs, "but I'll contain myself."

"So considerate..." he giggles. "C-Can you get my zipper so you can finger me?"

"Of course," but I may have to be rid of my gloves, I don't know how pleasant that'd be for him. The textured leather was even uneasy on my own flesh, best to not cause him that same discomfort. I pull off my glove with my teeth and reach behind his neck for the zipper, fortunate that it was easy to feel for. It reached all the way down to the deep crack of his ass, just enough room to prepare him for me.

"Fuck, Rey..." he gripped the loose cloth on my back. "I've been waiting for this all day, I could hardly focus..."

"Me neither," poor Dismas had to go through rehearsals before this, missing me as the hours ticked by. I was anticipating this all week, ever since Dismas proposed it to me, and I can really feel the thrill. His insides were already so soft and wet, I nearly forgot about the small bottle of lube in my pocket. "Let's open you up a little better."

"Oh yes, get that in me," he begged.

"Not yet," I pull back briefly to get a good grip on the squeezing bottle, dosing enough for my two fingers. "Just getting you comfortable, you're still so tense."

"'Cause I love ya, and I don't want you to be late for your game," he hummed to the insertion of my slicked fingers. "But you're right, the looser I feel, the faster we can get this done."

"You should know I love how tight you are," the constriction against my thrusting fingers were already getting me excited for it. "It's just for your own comfort. I want you to enjoy this more than anything."

"Well I do, too," he sighs, arm over his forehead like a dreamy angel. "I'll always feel tight with that fat cock-a yours, so you should just run through me already."

"Are you sure?" I don't even think I loosened him a millimeter.

"Yes, you should know I'm always ready for ya," he locked the back of his ankles behind my legs. "Rough and dirty, that's my favorite flavor of ya."

"God..." any part of me being his favorite already gets me hot. Never had I had a partner so willing to let me hold nothing back, play no façade. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Dismas chuckled as he pulled himself up to reach my swollen lips. This upright angle also makes it easier for him to grind against my fingers, like he's trying to feel how deep they go. I could hardly take it anymore either, his sultry eyes were entirely fixated on me, and his soft hands caressed my coarse beard.

I reopened the bottle of lube one handed and stroked myself with its silky content, all around the same time I took my plunge. Dismas was clearly restraining himself, trying not to be too loud or show any pain in front of me. His legs tightened and pulled me closer, if that were even possible, and with how he curled around me and arched with the bench, I rocked him with every thrust. His noises, though suppressed, were still as gut-roiling as ever, but even more so were the eyes still looking upon me. The small light from the hallways caught the slight glitter in his eye shadow, matching the glistened glassiness of his deep brown eyes. He was already enduring so much at once, but I could tell he wanted more.

I pulled one of his legs up to my shoulder pad, strapping his slender limb like a duffle bag before I planted my knee in the minimal space left on the bench. A mumbled but exasperated 'fuck!' left his lips, alongside significantly more enthusiastic moans with every forceful thrust. The thrill was a blissful turbine of cold air, but I couldn't fully embrace it being in this very situation. We were in a public place, someone could find us, the humiliation itself would ruin me.

And unfortunately, I was right that someone was on our tail.

The door knob jiggled against the lock, but the attempt to open the door was so apparent it alerted us to stop. It was my instinct to shove my hand over Dismas's mouth, even if he was quieter than the shifting of my uniform. That perhaps alerted the vague figure standing past the tinted sliver of the window, but his voice confirmed the identity for us.

"Hello? Anyone in there?" A slightly annoyed higher pitch male voice spoke past the heavy door.

"That's captain..." Dismas moved my hand aside to inform me with a whisper. "Don't...move..."

I followed him to the letter, it was easy enough as I was already frozen in fear, but then he heard the slight jingling of keys.

"Fuck, move--" Dismas went against his own word while he pulled himself up and grabbed my clothes. "Closet!"

I couldn't even process the floor on my feet before I was thrown into the confined space embedded into the far wall. He slammed the slotted door shut as he pushed back the various gear littering the ground, and thankfully, all the shuffling and ruckus ceased by the time his captain unlocked the room.

He appeared irritated when he didn't find what nor who he was looking for. His pacing didn't go beyond our love-making bench, but it was as if he suspected some foul play, like he had a heat-sense tracker on all of his dancers.

"This is bad--"

"Shh," Dismas clasped my mouth shut like I did before, but probably more warranted as this door wasn't exactly soundproof. Thankfully, he didn't notice a thing, and he was gone just as fast as he entered. It must've been at least a full 30 seconds before Dismas felt safe enough to uncover me. Giggling, he faced his body towards me again, "Now wasn't that a thrill?"

"H-How did he know we would be here?" I was sweating through my clothes.

"Don't know, but he must be checking every room in this entire stadium," he continued to humor himself. "Or maybe this is the infamous make-out room."

"That's a thing here?" I widened my eyes at him.

"Probably," he shrugged. "Hey, I kinda like it here. Warm, confined, full of balls."

"You don't possibly think we should continue after we were almost caught!" He was crazy. I'm already cringing in embarrassment.

"That's more reason to," Dismas pulled against my jersey. "Come on, Rey, I was getting into it."

"Ah..." My face was emanating heat like a furnace, yet my heart felt lighter. Someone almost catching us must mean the chance of someone actually catching us is significantly lessened, right? At least my body thought so. "Let's make it quick, this surely wasted us precious time."

"Damn cock-blocking Sarmenti," Dismas resumed back to planting his arms on each of my shoulders. "Shouldn't he know you have a game to get to?"

"Surely," I couldn't waste anymore time, I was itching to finish us off. I grab him by his ass and lift him up to my pelvis, "How inconsiderate."

"Agh, that's right, Rey!" Dismas exclaimed as I rammed back inside him. I briefly lost balance and shoved his sinking back against the wall, but that makes my job much, much easier. He was able to hold himself up by gripping onto the rack behind him, and all I had to focus on was fucking him to completion. It seemed any decorum or fear of being caught escaped his mind, he was loud.

Our hot breaths made the closet's air fill choking gas, and even with the humidity, our tongues and throats were dry. I could feel my stomach fill itself to the brim with that addictive chase, and just when I wanted more, Dismas read my mind and grabbed my face to bring our lips together. Animalistic hunger clouded our minds, my mouth could taste the back of his throat. He grumbled, groaned, yearned for me, and I returned the message.

It was very apparent that he came the instant our lips touched, because his grip on my erection was unlike anything else in the world. He entrapped me with pure muscle and love, while at the same time trying to chase me away with burning heat. I must be obsessed with the fire in his soul, drawn in like a moth, instincts of a fool. I didn't mean to, but I bit his lip as hard as I could muster while I expelled everything I had inside him. I couldn't taste blood, only lipgloss, but this move would surely cause a mark. I didn't yet gain back my conscience until it was too late.

"Ah! Dismas, I'm sorry," I pulled back to see the right side of his bottom lip was rather red and puffy, and by the stretching he was performing on his jaw, it must sting.

"For what?" He said knowingly oblivious.

"Your lip, your face," I made him an absolute wreck. His bottom eyeliner was smeared against his cheek bone, glitter found itself in places it wasn't before. "I should've been more careful--"

"Shut up, dummy," Dismas forgave me rather quickly as he pushed his lips in for another kiss. "I don't go on for like an hour. I got my make up in our prep room."

"Oh shit, I have to go!" The concept of time finally returned to me as I checked my smart watch, just under a minute left until showtime. Somehow I was still inside him, but I hurriedly shoved my wet member back into my pants and urged Dismas to turn around. "Let me get your zipper."

"Heh, yeah, would be helpful," Dismas straightened his back and brushed back his hair. "I gotta head back, too. Sar's probably running up the girls on my whereabouts."

"Let's run!" Of course we had to be at the other end of the stadium, but with this new burst of energy, it wouldn't take us too long to get back. I just know coach and Alhazred are pissed at me, but I'll be fine so long as my skates hit the ice by game time.

It was hard to worry about it as Dismas and I skipped and stumbled through the empty halls. No one to catch our affair, all possible witnesses were already at the rink, and we couldn't be happier to breathe in this open air. His laughs filled my heart with joy, extremely contagious as I haven't laughed this hard in forever. I just can't believe we did that, what were we thinking? This man really was going to get me in trouble, he already has, but I don't regret it at all. I could tell in his eyes, he's worth it.

-

Chapter Text

"Châtillon!" I knew I was in for an earful, coach only refers to anyone by their last name when he's truly pissed. I was about thirty seconds late to game time, but I'm quite quick to kick off my shoes and lace up my skates. Coach was just slowing me down with his mouth, but his anger was understandable. "Don't you see your team standin' at the gate?! What the hell were ya doing?!"

"Bathroom troubles, sir," how could he dispute that? Though a lie, he couldn't prove it. My skates were already strapped and secured, next thing he knew I was right behind Missandei for the queue to the rink. "But it's taken care of and I'm better than ever."

"Ugh..." Coach couldn't fight against the fact that I was indeed here on time technically. Alhazred just shook his head at me, but otherwise he didn't say anything himself. "You were cuttin' close, Rey. Don't make it a habit."

"I'll try my best," I nodded, but I do intend to follow that sentiment. Having that little rendezvous with Dismas in the secluded locker room was just a bullet point on my bucket list, no need to do it again. Especially when we were almost caught.

Once the horn blew off, we were released like an exploded can of sardines. Junia and Tardif were held at the bench as backup goalie and alternative forward respectively, the typical set up we'd have. If I was a minute later, coach would've forced Tardif to replace my role in the defense line, which wouldn't be ideal as that's not his play style. Our team was small, which is why any missing people would be so detrimental, but at least it would be manageable with a missing goalie or forward. Me and Missandei were the only dedicated defenders, so if one of us weren't here, it'd be a real handicap. Coach couldn't afford to have me or her out of his eye tonight, but nowadays I seem to enjoy the risk for high reward.

The reward was running through my veins as I got into my position, the adrenaline combined with the rush of running back to the rink was potent, and I felt amazing. I didn't even have a desire to play my best, nor win, just...have fun. The cold rushing to my cheeks from the ice below made my entire body experience chills, from my brain to my back down to my feet. I focused on the referee with the puck in his hand, waiting to drop it in-between Willam and the opposition. Then I looked down at my skates, watching as the ice scraped, shaved up, and melted. Soft. Wet and slippery. A figure skater's rink. Am I the only one who knows this? No one that has ever played hockey here ever mentioned it. Maybe it's normal to us, we just never noticed it. No other arenas could be like this...could this be the reason why we've won so much? Our ice was just different?

That train of thought was soon short lived, the moment the puck hit the ice, the world started to move again.

The opposition crossed the puck into our side first, not the greatest start, usually Willam is better at face-offs, but even the best make mistakes. Missandei was right at the shot's trajectory, which meant I had to move closer to the center so she could pass it to me, so I could pass it to whoever was closest out of our offenses. She read my mind perfectly, not often do we get pucks handed to us by the enemy, so she took the opportunity just as we learned.

But once the puck was dancing around my stick, and I looked ahead to who I could pass it to, I didn't see anyone. I just saw the goal right in my line of sight. There was a perfect gap that was screaming an opportunity, my eyes were locked to the net. The world slowed down, and for some reason, even as I stood on our side of the rink, far far away from a score, I thought I could make it. I knew I could make it.

In that moment, there was no time to think, I only had time to breathe.

Breathe...

Blink...

Wind up...

And hit  the fucking thing as hard as you  can !

I could see Boudica, Damian, and Willam's eyes looking absolutely horrified at my decision. The rubber disc skidded, jumped, and sprinted as fast as a cheetah, rushing past the opposing team, and...

Clean hit, to the back of the net.

Everyone went damn crazy.

"My God! Five seconds in and the Crown has already scored the first goal of the night! Across the center line and right into the Brigands' goal! Their defenses really need to start waking up if they have any chance with the home team."

"That goal was a rare claim by Number 23, Reynauld de Châtillon, usually an assist player that lets his forwards finish the job, but this time he appears to want all the glory for himself!"

"This is a  real  nice first impression from the Iron Crown tonight, let's hope they keep it up!"

Though there wasn't a lucky shot like that again, the game went incredibly in our favor. The team was definitely tough, but my team and I flowed between each other like water. We scored two more goals before the enemy got the best of us, the shifty skater was able to get the puck past Baldwin. To be fair, he's not really good at aiming his stick, no doubt coach is going to switch him out for Junia to keep their score to a minimum. The buzz for the first intermission blared around the arena soon after, a break that felt too soon. I was still high on life, feeling the thrill with each push through the ice, but I nearly forgot this break meant one thing:

Dismas was going up to perform.

Well him and his team. I didn't even realize they were sitting in the row behind our booth, so as we were rallied back through the doors, I caught a passing glance of him. He had redone his make-up and hair as if nothing happened, smile worthy to kill a village. His sultry side-eye only lasted a second before he had to follow his team, that cute face melted my heart. There's no way I could pay attention to anyone else on the ice except him.

Not to say the whole team wasn't stunning. It was an impressively choreographed synchronized performance that wildly juxtaposed the chaos of our hockey game. A welcome respite that nearly everyone was quiet for, utterly focused, completely fixated. And Dismas...you could tell he was made as the star. The center of everything, the lead of the swans, everyone can really know how beautiful my partner is.

It was beautiful up until I heard a man say:

"Look at that [...]"

Then a horrible slur, maliciously aimed at my Dismas, followed by several others' cackling laughter. Right behind me, how dare they say that right behind me. I can't let that stand.

Or at least I tried to do something. Willam and Tardif undoubtedly heard it too, processing the son of a bitch's insult right about the same time they watched me stand up with vigorous anger. Willam pulled me by my jersey's sleeve right as I stared at the boy, making sure he was staring right back and could acknowledge the ire in my eyes. Fueled with fiery hatred.

"Hey, man, it's not worth it," Tardif warned me. It was definitely worth it to see the fear sink into the boy's face, but he was right. This was our biggest game yet, I couldn't ruin it over petty words. I wish I had a better look at his face before I was forced to sit back down, burn his mug into my mind until after the game was over, and then I'd--

...No, I'm not a violent man. Even if he deserved his disgusting mouth to be punched in. What would the world think of me? What would Dismas think of me?

I tried to enjoy the rest of the show, which unfortunately only lasted about five minutes. Dismas looked gorgeous through all of it, but I couldn't discount the grace and talent of his colleagues. I recognized Audrey, her blonde hair tied up in a pony tail, the rest I haven't had the pleasure to meet. They all looked lovely, danced even lovelier, and I couldn't be happier for Dismas to have such supportive teammates. With how much he stands out, he definitely needs as much as he can get.

Right as they were beginning to file up to the door, I decided to stand up. My skates were still on, but with the balance of my stick, I met with Dismas at the gate.

"Amazing work, stranger," I offered a coy smile down at him, who seemed more than amused.

"Heh, you, too, big guy," he played along, yet his hand was a magnet to my arm as he stepped out of line. "Guess you've never seen a male figure skater before."

"Never in my life," I chuckled.

"Break a leg, hot stuff," Dismas broke the illusion as he squeezed my hand briefly.

"Thanks, love," I wanted to take this moment to kiss him, but it felt too inappropriate. Even our hands interlocking for that one second felt like too much, I could feel the laser eyes of Dismas's captain at the back of my neck. Oh well, everyone would find out sooner or later.

He rejoined with his group at the end of the line, and I couldn't care less about any superiors or onlookers watching us. The world was invisible when he was near, large dark eyes ever transfixed on my soul. I wonder if he felt the same, if my lingering stares gave him the rightful attention he deserved. Am I embarrassing him as I longingly look over a crowd to constantly have him in my view? He hasn't appeared to be concerned about it. I think he likes it.

My loitering by the gate was getting too uncomfortable for the others, I could feel the judgement in the air. I know coach is wanting to spend the last precious minutes of this intermission to go over strategies, at least he was kind enough to not talk during a showcase of art. No one mentioned anything to me about Dismas despite the strange display I put up, either they all secretly knew or they just didn't care. All possible responses I could say in case they inquired were circling in my head, wondering how to not make it seem like a big deal in front of coach and Alhazred. There was still after the game, when our heads would be cleared and our emotions stable, that would be the best time to say something if coach was truly concerned about my relationship with the figure skater.

Missandei's comment some weeks ago still lingered in my mind, which was the only worry I had regarding my partnership with Dismas. A small worry, but if mine or his leadership deem our commitment a liability, then they could terminate our careers. Would they? Dismas doesn't seem to worry about it even if they could, so maybe I shouldn't? It's still a risk that shakes me, not for my sake, but for his. His position on the figure skating team could be ripped away from him, all because of me. Is that not a worry of his, or is he willing to take that risk? I don't know anymore...

I barely paid attention to coach's game plan during my circling worries, but from how well we're doing, I doubt we'd deviate much. The game was back on. As I suspected, Junia swapped with Baldwin as goalie, and Boudica switched with Tardif, as usual for a game going our way. If it wasn't, Tardif would trade with Willam or Damian, as Boudica and him make aggressive synergy. I'm glad we're doing well enough to not have to deal with their chaotic plays, they're a nightmare pairing for anyone who stands on their path.

I'm glad my heart is still energized, pumping harder than before the break even. The faceoff even swayed to our favor, and all I had to do was grind the ice. Sliding around with my eyes magnetized to the puck, I kept my distance from my team but had our enemies close. I knew I didn't have to focus that hard, we were bound to win by a landslide, it was just part of the fun. Heart pounding, eyes focused, and--

- WOOSH -

-scrape!-

-Pound-

Wh-What...

"AGH!" I scream, head on ground level.

The stadium was sideways, the entire left side of my vision was the white of the ice.

"Gahh-!" I cry, the shock quickly grew into intense pain and it began to surge throughout my whole body. My shoulders, my hip, my leg.

Holy fuck, my LEG!

"Ohh! A player from the Iron Crown is down after what looks like two guys from the Brigands...ran into him!"

"Yes, number 23 Rey de Châtillon has slid across the ice during a nasty collision. The game is slowing down, seems like the ref is calling a time out while the situation is assessed."

"Now personally, I am not sure if that was a pure accident or a deliberate action by these players from the Forrest Brigands. The puck was nowhere in reach, the defender of the Crown was no less of a threat than anyone else, but we will see..."

I could feel people surrounding me, but I couldn't look at anyone, or anything. My eyes were braced shut, trying to cut down the pain, my mouth guard popped out of my mouth leaving me to grind my teeth. Incredible, astronomical pain, my ears were ringing. All noise was muted, muffled, and suddenly I felt my shoulders being moved. I look up through the fog to see coach Barristan, eyes in utter terror, and that's when my vision clouded with tears. I was trying to suppress the noise ripping through my throat, but I couldn't, and coach tried his very best to calm me down.

"Son, it's gon' be alright. What's hurtin'?" He analyzed my body up and down with his grip tight on my arms. "Can you get up?"

Then Alhazred and the ref came behind him, the ref telling coach something before looking back down at me. He reached his hand out, motioning it towards him to tell me to stand up. I nodded out of compliance, but I knew once I grabbed his and coach's hands that I was dead weight. The slight pressure, even the slight movement of my right leg, was enough to inspire another humiliating cry. It hurts, it hurts so much!

"Yep, that's bad..." coach looked away from me, stress in his wrinkles. "Hold on, son, we're gonna put you up against a wall and have Doc check you out, alright?"

I nod, somewhat steadying my breathing. I'm broken, my leg can't be broken. I'm in a nightmare...

Is this karma for what happened all those weeks ago?

I look around and everyone is off the ice, only the referee, coach, and Alhazred were there. All the people in the bleachers looked stunned, whispering, staring right at the carnage that is me. This can't be happening...

Even the careful dragging of my tense body was like a million needles sinking into my skin, I just wanted to eject out of my form. Coach took the liberty of pulling my helmet off and fed me water from a squirt bottle, kneeling by my side like a doting mother.

"It's gonna be okay, Rey," he even talked like one, too.

"Bound to happen, ey?" Dr. Paracelsus came into my view and sighed. "Sorry we gotta do this on the ice."

Once I pointed out my leg, she unlaced my skate and pulled it off as carefully as she could. It didn't mitigate the pain, but at this point I accepted nothing could. She rolled up my pant leg and exposed what I feared most, a giant bruise. Purple, even a little green, and coach and the ref visibly gasped. Why me...?

"I can't tell you if it's a broken bone or not, but it's definitely something that needs to be looked at at the hospital," she covered my leg back up. "Only thing I can do for you is give you some cold compressions and pain reliever while we wait for EMS."

I don't know if I can handle this pain anymore, I just wanted my whole leg to be cut off! I squeeze my fingers into my thighs, pleading for a way out of this skin. The torture of going in and out of comprehension, I felt like I was drowning, gasping for air from this tsunami of strain. It was starting to get into my head, all of it, storming into my mind at once. I was getting so woozy.

My head was going to kill me before the leg.

"Son, Reynauld, you gotta breathe slowly," coach wasn't helping, despite him using his softest voice. A completely different man from minutes before, previously scolding me for being irresponsible, trying to show that he still cared about me. It was so hard to be strong for him, I was ashamed. "Talk to me. Tell me how you're feelin'."

I can't even muster words, just pathetic whines and whimpers while my beard gets drenched in pitiful tears.

"I know it hurts, soldier, but you can heal from this--"

"Rey."

A voice. An angel's voice.

"Eh-Uhm, you can't be here, miss--I mean, sir," coach informed the figure skater behind him, who looked out of place in this terribly tense situation. "Hockey personnel only."

"Ah..." I suddenly found clarity. All it took was the sight of my Dismas. I reached out for him.

"Hey, big guy," he cracked a smirking smile, it's always so cute when he does that. He slips past coach and Alhazred to interlock our fingers together. So warm... "You know I meant it as an expression, right?"

"Dismas..." I muttered as my eyes welled up again, I couldn't help but pull him in. I watched him stumble, but he laughed it off, like he always did with his gorgeous smile. I squeezed his hand so tightly, I was afraid I'd break his bones. The moment his warmth fell upon my shoulder, my heart rate slowed down. The world felt so much clearer, suddenly, in a split second, everything felt...okay.

"Here," he wiped my tears with the wrist of his suit. "Let it all out."

So I did, right into his chest. He was so warm, like a fire in bitter winter. There was no worry to be strong anymore, I had my shield.

-

I finally got some sort of relief once I was settled in the hospital. It wasn't fun getting examined, let alone transferred from floor to gurney then gurney to this bed, but I had my breather. Dismas was by my side the whole way through while coach and Alhazred stayed with the team. I didn't get any news about whether the game still continued, if it did it'd be long over by now. I didn't have my phone, but perhaps Dismas knew.

"You guys won," he broke the good news. "Audrey told me the game continued about ten minutes after the ambulance got you, and the two guys that knocked you down were in that penalty box on the other side of the rink."

"Thank you, honey..." I was very out of it, my system overloaded with pain relievers. I hate to say it, but it felt good. "I wish I knew coach's number by heart. My phone is still in the arena. I want to let him know I'm okay."

"He'll visit you ASAP, I'm sure he will," Dismas rubbed my shoulder. "Surprised you don't have him as an emergency contact."

"I didn't have that forethought, unfortunately," I chuckled as I was aware of how empty-headed I felt. "Thank you for staying next to me, Dismas."

"Of course. I coulda left anytime, but Sarmenti wanted the dancers to stay through the whole thing for 'merit' or something," Dismas shrugged. "I'm just glad I wasn't kicked off the ice."

"I think they realized you were just as much of a support as they were," I theorized. "I don't think I would've survived without you there."

"Ohh, don't be dramatic," he shook his head while he leaned his elbow up on my pillow. "I was just worried about you."

"Mm, for good reason..." my eyes were going heavy, yet talking to Dismas kept me awake. "I don't think I've ever sustained an injury this terribly...I feel useless."

"Don't say that. You're still breathing, and hey, technically you can still play hockey," he pointed his finger. "If they push you around on those little walkers for skate training--"

I laugh, "That's silly. That would be worse than just replacing me."

"I know, I'm just joking," he chuckled at his own ridiculous idea. "But you shouldn't feel like you're useless. What you do doesn't show your worth, I had to learn that recently. Focus on caring for yourself."

I couldn't help but sigh at the thought of relaxing. Suppose this is a good excuse to take it slow, like everyone has been advising me. How will I move around..?

"And hey, you're lucky you'll get an in-house nurse while you heal," Dismas pinched my chin.

I blinked, "...I will? Who's going to pay for that?"

"It's me, dumbass," he gently and playfully elbowed me. "But if the team wants to pay me to take care of you, I wouldn't mind."

"Oh, Dismas..." I mean, who else can help me aside from the one living with me? What a loving heart, I don't deserve such a kind soul. "Thank you, but don't take up all your time on me Enjoy your life."

"You're my man, baby. You've been taking care of me, let me take care of you," he leans in a little closer, dancing his fingers on my chest. "I love you."

"I love you, too-"

"Rey!" A familiar muffled voice comes from outside my room, and it was confirmed to me who it was when I looked over at the window to the rest of the emergency room. Coach practically bursts into my room, but soon back-pedals his enthusiasm at the sight of me and Dismas. "Oh--sorry, didn't mean to walk into--"

"Nonono, coach, you can come in," I waved with a weak hand as I watched Dismas draw back into his chair. "Thank you for visiting me."

"Oh, son, come on, of course I'd want to see you," the stressed captain sprints over to my other side to touch my shoulder. "What'd they say? Broken or sprained?"

"I haven't heard back, yet," I shook my head. It was a Saturday night, the hospital would be packed with the consequences of youthful danger and recklessness. The doctors were probably horrendously busy. "I heard we won."

Coach sighed, "Yeah, but that don't matter. I couldn't think about nothing else with you being in here. Anyone else, sure, but you..."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Dismas frown and pull his brow up. He must be shocked at how close coach and I are, most people are. Some even say it borders on the line of inappropriate, but most don't bother to know the context. Coach Barristan saved me from a life of uncertainty, an existence after military obligations turned me to a broken soul. If he wasn't there, I'd hardly have meaning, and I would've never had friends. I would've never met Dismas.

"If it was up to me, the whole team would be crowded in this room to see you," coach continued. "Damn hospital don't care about comradery. If you're still here tomorrow, we'll set up shifts with about two or three people at a time. They're all worried sick about ya, son."

"I'm okay, I'm in good hands," I instinctively dropped my hand on Dismas's arm, though it wasn't my intention to have coach see this intimacy. I could see the color drain from his face. "Have you met Dismas?"

"Right, might wanna introduce myself," Dismas stood up and dusted off his sparkly suit before letting his hand out. He had to lean over awkwardly on account of my entire hospital bed being in between him and coach. "I'm Dismas, me and Rey have been dating for a little bit."

"I picked that up," coach nodded with hesitancy, but took his hand anyways. "Reynauld mentioned a boyfriend, but I didn't think he'd be right in our same arena."

"Heh, right, well it's not like he'd go anywhere else, right?" Then Dismas cracked a weak chuckle. After a few seconds of silence, he clears his throat, "He's a very good guy. Wouldn't have asked for anyone better."

"He is. You can call me Barry," coach introduced himself surprisingly casual before letting down his hand. "I'm happy the kid found love so close. He really needs the support."

Thank goodness coach isn't mad, at least not outwardly so.

"You gon' take care of him?"

"Absolutely. You got nothing to worry about," Dismas sounded like he was in the most stressful job interview of his life.

"Oh, I'll worry, but that's just cause I'm practically family," coach glances down at me as he admits that. "Everyone on the Iron Crown is, a buncha brothers and sisters. An'...I know you don't play hockey, but if Rey is as committed to you as he says, then heck, you're family, too."

"Oh...aw," Dismas' eyes lit up. "Thank you, sir. I won't let you down."

"Even if you do, I'm not gon' be mad," coach assured as he plants his hand on my shoulder. "Oh, and son, I'm not sure what day they wanna do it, but a sport investigator wants to talk to you about what happened tonight."

My ears perked up, "Oh, well...I don't know if I'd do a good job."

"That's not a worry, son."

"It all happened so fast."

"I know, but just say what you saw. And don't tell them I told you boys this, but..." then coach leans in closer, "we're thinking this was a planned attack by the Brigands."

"What?" I lifted my body up in shock, but I'd immediately regret it as my leg was pulled back. "Agh-"

"Careful, hun," Dismas gently placed his hand upon my chest.

"It was clearly done on purpose just by lookin' at them," coach continued to explain. "Two guys running from opposite directions right into you while you were no where close to the puck. That don't make sense. It's crazy. It's..."

"A scandal," Dismas finished coach's thought. "Didn't you break that one guy's leg from a while ago?"

"Exactly, those Warren Raiders," coach recounted the team that suffered from my recklessness. "They're from the same city as the Forrest Brigands. The coaches know each other, word gets around fast about player injury."

"Or..." I decided to chime in, but I don't know if it's appropriate to bring up. Dismas and coach look at me, "Those men from that one night, Dismas."

The figure skater's face drops, "I guess it could be 'em, too, but I don't know how they'd know who you are. Anything's possible."

"You've been making a lot of enemies, son..." coach puts his hands on his hips and starts pacing around the room. "You can't help what other people do I suppose. All that's just a theory, though."

Hearing this makes me want to sleep with one eye open. I've had a target on my back, and I've been oblivious to it, but now I can't even fight back. What else can these people do? Is it just me? Would they hurt the people I love just to spite me? I looked up at Dismas, and he saw the message clearly through my eyes. I was scared, but he wasn't.

"We'll make sure they get what they deserve," he had determination in his eyes. "We got a whole stadium of witnesses, cameras, your injury. Whatever those fuckers wanted to do, they failed, 'cause y'all won."

My heart skipped a beat at his sentiment. He's right, they'll only be served the consequences with no gain. My team persevered despite their sabotage.

"I love you," I said out of the sheer warmth I felt in my chest. I had hope, light at the end of this painful tunnel.

"I love you, too," Dismas smiled with his soulful eyes, then leaned in to peck me on the lips. "This isn't the end. I promise you."

-

Chapter Text

"The nation has been taken by storm in the recent hockey game at the Oblivion Arena. The home team, the Iron Crown, took home their crown in the regional championship against the Forrest Brigands, but not without injury to one of their star players..."

I was slowly waking up to the sound of the small television in the hospital room. The sun was warming up my cheek, dried sweat matted my skin. I hardly remember what happened before I woke up, only that I was transferred to the trauma ward closer to the city and put into a loose gown. I had the news on since last night, something to keep the sounds of society in my mind. It was apparently very loud, my ears were right up against the call remote where the speakers of the TV were playing through. What caught even more of my attention was when the reporter mentioned the Iron Crown, and my name.

"33 year old defender Reynauld de Châtillon was taken away from the arena after two opposing hockey players shoved him onto the ice, resulting in a shin fracture that officials say will put Châtillon out of the game for at least three months. The Iron Crown's coach Barristan Chatwood has declined to comment on the two players' intentions, but expressed that accidents happen and only hopes everyone on both sides can learn from this tragedy. This common injury in the sport of ice hockey is hardly the cause of such a stir on social media, rather what audiences witnessed right after the incident occurred. Phone cameras captured what looks to be Châtillon embracing a man now identified as Dismas Gewehr, who is one of the figure skaters that performed during the first intermission before the accident transpired. Fans theorize, given the intimate position and insider knowledge that the figure skater left with him to emergency services, that this is the hockey player's gay lover."

...What? Why is this on the news? Is my relationship with Dismas that shocking?

"The sports community is split between vehement denial and die-hard support for the couple's relationship, and discussion of Châtillon and Gewehr's love affair has reached all across not only Canada, but all of North America."

Are you serious? I have to call Dismas...

A knock came from my door.

"You awake, hun?" Speak of the devil. Dismas came around the corner, dressed in different clothes with a bag and drinks across his hands.

"Y-Yeah, I am now..." I rubbed my eyes before pointing at the TV. "Dismas, we're on the news. Did you know this?"

"On daytime television, too? Jeez, what a buncha losers," he dismissed the report. He comes closer and rests the items on a cushioned bench under the window. "I saw the articles from this morning, and all the Instagram posts and TikToks. We're everywhere, babe, it's fucking creepy."

"Why are they doing this?" Is this just the result of celebrity gossip being so popular? We're not even celebrities, we're just two people living normal lives.

"People love to fawn over gay men, whether for good or bad reasons," Dismas starts to explain as he unpacks what looks to be take-out food. "Probably started with some homophobic sports junkies ranting about how gross we were, or some fan girls that can't get enough of a man-on-man romance. Anyone, really. Gay people in the world of sports are a spectacle."

"I didn't know it was such a big deal..." Yes, it's considered 'normal' for a man to be with a woman, but I would think with how destigmatized same-sex relationships are nowadays, it wouldn't be such a ground-breaking discovery. Though Dismas does have a point... "Perhaps the world doesn't too often see gay sports players..."

"Yeah, not publicly at least," Dismas places a fork and a styrofoam box on the floating table. "Chicken and lo mein, gotta carb up."

"Thank you, honey," I was honestly starving, and the smell of the food made me even hungrier. "What time is it?"

"11 in the morning," Dismas sits down on the edge of my bed while indulging in his meal. "I hoped you slept well, they brought you out here at like 3AM. Can always rely on the healthcare system to be the slowest in the world, but hey, at least it's free."

"Did you come here with me?" I was trying to recount my hazy memory of last night.

"I couldn't. They were examining you, put you under I think, but I left them my number."

"Is my shin really fractured?" I can't remember a thing, perhaps they really did knock me unconscious. My memory fails me everyday.

"Oh yeah, we knew that since they x-rayed you at the ER. They really put you on the fucked up drugs, then," Dismas shook his head. "But it was late in the night, I was starting to get sleepy, too. I just showered, went to bed, and headed over here. Oh yeah, and got us this bomb ass Chinese food, too."

"I feel gross..." They didn't bother to wash me before changing me into these new clothes. A shower sounds phenomenal, but I don't know if my leg will agree. It's casted up and hanging on a swing attached to the ceiling, I didn't even bother to try to move it. "B-But the food is delicious, honey. I just mean my body."

"Haha, I understood, no worries. This shit is greasy though, but it heals the soul," Dismas laughed. "I'll hit up the nurse to see if we can get you washed up. You do stink like hell."

"Half a hockey game and a night of constant agony will do that to me," I chuckled along. "Thank you again for staying with me."

"Of course, hun. I don't got anything better to do, and I gotta make sure you're okay," he rubs my shoulder. "Your coach said he and the team want to come over and see you, told me to let them know when visiting hours are open and how many can come at a time. I didn't say anything to him yet in case you didn't want the crowd."

"I'd love to see everyone," I finished my bite. "Whatever the hospital will allow. And please, don't be compelled to stay with me if you have practice or plans with others. There's not much I can do to entertain."

"Baby, you're the most entertaining thing I have," he points his chopsticks at me. "My hobbies are sitting in darkness or doom scrolling on my phone. Having a hot guy next to me just makes the experience way better."

"Even if he's broken?"

"Especially if he's broken, cause it makes me feel useful," Dismas smirks. "I have practice tomorrow afternoon, but otherwise, this is our home together."

I grow a goofy smile, "Thank you. I'm glad I won't be here alone most times. Hospitals scare me."

"It's a scary place," he shrugs. "I'll go ahead and tell your coach you're allowing visitors, and I'll double check with the nurse to make sure your whole team can be here. It's a big room, it can fit everyone I'm sure."

"Whatever is easiest on everyone," I nod.

Calming silence falls between us as we finish our meal, passively listening to the news talk about something else. Maybe it's because I'm in the spotlight every time I play, but the attention on mine and Dismas's relationship doesn't bother me as much as I think it should. I don't regret him coming down and embracing me on the ice in front of everyone, I'm not embarrassed of our non-secret relationship being projected out into the world. Dismas doesn't seem worried about it either, he appeared rather apathetic, so...why should I be mad about it? I'm not happy, but I'm not going to try to stop the media frenzy. It's out of our hands, and if for some reason people want an interview, we can simply say no. No one is owed our private love life.

-

I thankfully got myself cleaned and freshened up before coach and the team were due to arrive. Dismas did have to walk me to the bathroom, but he left me to wash up on my own by my request. I wasn't the glamorous man hes used to, but at least I felt cleansed from yesterday's trauma. The nurse even gave me new sheets while I was washing up, so I felt as refreshed as one could be trapped in this hospital bed. Dismas was getting tired waiting for my team, who were handsomely late to their promised time, and so I spared him his back by making room on my mattress. It was quite wide, and cuddling into a cocoon was our favorite way to sleep, but I couldn't deny that I was getting tired, too.

His gentle breathing and the ambient noise of machines and pumps made my eyelids heavy. The TV volume was low, I was hardly paying attention to it anyways, and my phone was out of reach with the sleeping man on my arm. Not like I wanted any semblance of the media circus around, I just wanted to feel the world. The softness of my bed and sheets, the heat of my lover, the security of the best service workers in the world. I was...comfortable.

"...Reynauld?"

I heard a voice, but I didn't bother to wake up to it.

"Rey, glad you're awake. The operation was a success."

Good to hear.

"You may feel...different, but that's normal."

I'd expect a major leg injury to cause me to feel different.

"There's flowers for you."

...Flowers?

"Hey, honey, wake up," I was finally shaken to complete consciousness. It was a voice that was immediately familiar to me, Dismas. "Your team is here."

"You awake, son?" Coach spoke over several footsteps coming into my room. I practically shot up out of bed, I must look like a groggy mess. "Sorry for bein' late, we wanted to give ya gifts."

I watched as coach, Alhazred, and my co-players spilled into the room, all approaching me like they were watching an injured deer. I looked to my left to watch Dismas leave the bed, probably thinking cuddling was inappropriate for an unsuspecting crowd. He just sat on the chair, barely saying a word.

"Big man, you're lookin' sharp!" Willam exclaimed,

"You don't have to lie to me," I chuckle as I stared upon all the people who took time to see me. Everyone was here, coach, Alhazred, Willam, Tardif, Boudica, Baldwin, Damian, Missandei, and Junia. It was a bit of a tight fit, but I didn't feel claustrophobic, I was just grateful. I notice Alhazred held a vase of bountiful flowers in his hands, and Missandei carried a decently sized plush bunny. "What's all this for?"

"Just some gifts from the Iron Crown," Missandei stepped up with pride, holding out her offer. "I saw this at the store and it reminded me of you."

"Aw..." Dismas couldn't help but adore the thoughtful gift. She hands the fluffy cream-colored rabbit from my bedside, letting me see all its cuteness.

"Ohh, Missy, you didn't have to..." I don't know what energy I give off to have a friend think of me as a bunny rabbit, but it was indeed adorable. "Thank you."

"We only wish for a full and swift recovery," Alhazred approached next with the pale yellow vase, placing it upon the shelf near my bedside. The bouquet was comprised of yellow, orange, white, and blue varieties, the colors of the Iron Crown. "May this offering be a symbol of hope through this time of pain."

It's been a long time since Alhazred spoke to me with gentleness, and maybe that, Missandei's plush toy, and the supportive group of my peers made me gush with overwhelming emotions. I wince at the oncoming tears leaking through my eyes.

"Thank you...everyone..." I can hardly keep it together. It's been so many years being tied hip to hip with these people, and never have I appreciated them truly until this moment. I felt Coach Barristan come up and hug me, alongside Willam, Boudica, Damian, and Junia. I wasn't hugged by everyone, and it was probably good not to for the sake of my suspended leg.

"Can we sign your cast?" Junia appeared excited as she stared at the bound on my ligament.

"Sure," I don't see why not. It would be attached to my body for months to come, and it would be a nice reminder to the people that care for me.

The next few moments were just spent passing around coach's Sharpie to write notes on my prosthetic. Banter and jokes, some at my expense, also flew through the air, and with being sat in reluctant silence for so long, the noise felt like a breath of fresh air. The team never failed to liven the mood wherever we were, even in something as dreary as a hospital room with a severely injured friend.

"You're Reynauld's boyfriend, aren't you?" Baldwin puts his hand out to Dismas, the first time someone's acknowledged him. "You performed with the figure skaters during the game. It's an honor to meet such talent."

"Oh! Um, thank you!" I would have to guess Dismas didn't expect to be spoken to by anyone, but I could see no one even noting his existence to be rude. He shook my teammate's hand. "Ha, yeah, me and Rey are dating."

"Couldn't have guessed with y'all smooshed up on each other earlier," Boudica teased with a small punch on my arm. "What do they call you, lover boy?"

"Haha. Dismas," he nodded.

"I love your hair! Where do you get it done?" Junia was up to fawn over him. I don't blame her, he's quite a magnet of attraction.

"My friend Margaret actually cuts and styles it," he mentions a name that sounds familiar to me.

"She is good at styling hair..." Missandei adds with a small smile across her lips. "How is she, by the way? I've been kinda worried about her."

"You're worried about your ex?" Willam's eyes go wide. Oh right, Dismas does dance with Missandei's former girlfriend.

"She's...doing okay," Dismas shrugged. "She's a little beat up about her evaluation, hasn't talked about anything else."

"That sucks, I thought she did pretty good."

"You were there, Missy?" Junia decided to interject. They must be talking about the same performance her and I attended weeks ago.

"Uhm...yeah," she looked at me with horror. Maybe she didn't want that information to slip. She scratched the back of her neck, "It was playing on the TV while I was doing laundry."

"TV? There shouldn't have been cameras there, commercial recordings weren't allowed," Dismas tapped his chin to ponder, but I knew just from Missandei's face what was going on.

"Huh. Weird! I swore I saw it on the TV..." she turned around, looked at me, and I looked at her back. She seemed flustered at my knowing stare. "A-Anyway, I just wanted to know. Morbidly curious and all that," she shrugged.

"Are you missing her, Missy?" Willam leaned towards her shoulder with a teasing smile.

"No!" She vehemently denied, a little too fast to pass suspicion in my opinion. "Can't I just wish well to people I used to care about?"

"Whaaatever," Willam smirked with his arms crossed. "Say, Dismas, any of your lady friends single?"

"Will, that's an inappropriate thing to ask," coach showed clear disapproval.

"Hey, if Rey can do it, so can any of us," Willam stuck his arms out in outrage.

"Askin' straight forward is fine, but askin' by proxy is disrespectful to them dancers," coach lectured. "Especially to the fellow you're asking."

"I don't mind, truly," Dismas tried to cool down the tense air. "All of them are, but you'd be hard pressed to get any chance with them. Rey's the lucky one to get the loneliest figure skater on the team."

Everyone laughed. I can't deny that I am indeed lucky to have Dismas.

"It won't hurt to ask any of them, though. Just don't do it around Sarmenti," Dismas clarified.

"What is it with that captain of yours? Does he have a stick up his ass?" Boudica put her hand on her hip.

"Basically," Dismas stated bluntly, which amused to crowd even more. "He's very protective of his skaters. He's not really thrilled about me and Rey, but truly he can't really stop anyone from dating whoever."

"What did he say...?" It's news to me that Dismas's captain talked to him already. I would think he'd wait until his next practice, but maybe he considered it an urgent matter given the display we made last night.

"He's just worried about it is all. Doesn't want you to break my heart, yada yada," he gestures his hands with his words. "Typical helicopter captain stuff."

"I understand that completely," Coach Barristan chimes in again, then goes and puts his arms around Tardif and Junia. "You're all my children. I wouldn't want y'all to possibly be heartbroken. It'll break my heart."

"Oh, we're all adults here, coach," Junia assured him.

"I know, I know," coach patted her back. "I trust you guys to know what makes you happy. That's all that matters at the end of the day."

The conversation made my chest feel lighter. Dismas's captain knows, and though he's not pleased, he won't do anything to punish us. Maybe if he actually found us fraternizing in that locker room, he'd think differently, but overall there's no worry to be had with us anymore. I stuck my hand out, reaching for Dismas hoping he'd notice. He does, and he takes my gesture with a smile on his face. How can I be so lucky?

The world finally feels like it's rewarding me, after all this time...

How long ago was my dismissal from the army? A couple years ago? Maybe longer...? I hardly think about that time anymore, but with this bed under me, and the smell of the flowers nearby...

Flowers...who brought me flowers?

I look over to my right, the bouquet was still sitting and exploding with vivid color. So modest, but I'm not really one for flowers.

...Who sent me these flowers?

Right, there was a note, the nurse read it out to me.

"On behalf of the Canadian Armed Forces." Then he continued, "May you recover with honor and valor."

...Hm.

Why does it suddenly feel like...I can't recall the person holding my hand?

-

Chapter Text

The room was filled with blurred faces. I could see every one of their features distinctly, but I couldn't attach a name nor a memory. I counted ten people, three women, seven men, one of the seven much older than the rest. He reminded me of my late father, he honestly could be one of his friends, coming to check in on little ol' me. My father always kept good people by him.

The biggest mystery was the man interlocked with my fingers. He looked younger, but not by much, and he was honestly quite attractive. He would occasionally look at me as the group conversated amongst themselves, appearing to smile with pride just at the sight of me. This person is closest to me, that much is clear. This puzzle was starting to get pulled together.

Speaking of pull, my foot looks to be suspended on a swing attached to the ceiling. I must've suffered a bad injury, no wonder I feel so hazy. My light blue cast had writings, all with different handwritten notes. I could see one clearly from where I sat:

"Get well soon, Rey! - Junia, your sister from another minister"

All the writings looked fresh, so they must be the accumulated work of all these people. They must be my friends, all coming to see me in this vulnerable state. It's a shame I can't remember their names...

"Rey, you hungry?" A dirty blonde man with a tufted beard looks me dead in the eye.

"He has a scheduled dinner time, but I don't think he needs to follow a strict diet, right, honey?" The cute one with jet black hair directly talks to me. "I can tell the nurse to cancel the dinner service tonight if you want to have your teammates bring food up here."

I'm...not sure what to respond with. So much information was brought to me at once. Okay, this must be my partner, given how he endearingly refers to me as his 'honey'. And he referred to these people as my 'teammates' like...we play sports together? They all appeared very strong and fit besides the girl with a nun's headdress, so very well may be the case.

"Rey?" My partner blinks, and his face suddenly turns worried. Maybe I should respond with something.

"Hm?" But I don't really know what to say. Do I have a specific diet I need to follow? If I accept food from them, I'm essentially accepting food from strangers, and I don't know if that's a smart decision.

"Your drugs kicking in or something?" My partner swings my arm side to side, smiling, but he still looked incredibly distressed. He's picking up that I'm not the same man he knows. "You look like you're in space."

I just chuckle. He's not wrong, I don't really feel in my own body. Not upset, not excited...I'm just here.

"It might be gettin' to that part of the night," the old man relayed as he patted my good foot. "We bothered him enough I think. He's had a rough 24 hours."

Everyone nodded with the old man's sentiment. I notice everyone's doting stares, how they look down at me with such care, yet concern. My friends, yet I can't tie down their names.

The short girl with the nun's headdress approaches my right side. She appears to be hugging herself, consoling her hunched body, as she cautiously stepped forward with a smile. "I'll pray everyday for your health, Reynauld. Service wasn't the same without you. The Father knows what happened, and he wanted to give you this."

She presented me with a small box she was hiding in her arms. Okay, me and this woman go to church together, good to know that I kept up with my faith after everything.

"Oh...thank you," I take the gift gingerly, and naturally, felt compelled to open it. "...A rosary."

"I told him your last one broke during one of our games, and he thought there was no better time than now to ensure angels over your shoulders. He'll try to make time to visit you and offer his prayers, everyone misses you."

"Girl, I'm not even religious, and that nearly made me tear up!" The woman with the braids exclaimed while her hand laid on her chest.

"You have so many people supporting you," my lover tugged on my arm. "And you thought you were invisible at church. You're a rockstar."

The rosary had a nice weight in my palm. Wooden, slightly gilded around the edges, intricately patterned, it was quite beautiful.

"Count the beads, my son. Find forgiveness within yourself."

The wooden beads slid through my thumb with ease, a small clack as it impacted the bead in front of it.

"You did what God wanted you to do: follow your heart. He made you this way for a reason, Reynauld. You're not a fighter, you're a protector. You hurt those men not because you hated them. You protected Dismas...because you love him. I can tell there is no hatred in your heart."

I was ready to be reprimanded by the priest, but I was yet again justified for my violence. It was weeks ago now, but I still remember it like it was yesterday...

"Thank you, Junia," I look back up at her again, my head suddenly feeling much clearer. "I will try to make a call to the church tomorrow morning."

"Rest well, brother," Junia bowed her head before turning back to the team. Everyone followed with their goodnights and farewells, leaving the room as fast as they came. Of course, coach had to stick around to say his own personal parting message.

"It's...hard to see you like this, son," coach paced around my bed before landing his hand on the edge of the mattress. "But I know you've been through worse, and you'll power through this just the same. I hope you don't care for me to be all...sappy and sentimental in front of your boyfriend, I just...can't believe how much you've grown. You've done nothing but service, drained to the last sweat, and yet...you still got a smile on your face. That's impressive, Rey."

I chuckle at his overestimation of me. I'm grateful to have a long life ahead of me, supported and stabilized, there was no reason to be upset at the past. If anything, I should be happy for it, as it made me what I am now.

"If I could...open a portal to the gates of heaven, I'd shake your mother's and father's hands for raising such a good kid," he touches my arm. "Even as you sit here, bound and sedated, you're still full of life. It's a relief to know you found your purpose again after all you endured. I know this'll be a walk in the park."

Coach then looked up at Dismas, and the smile on his face grew bigger.

"Are you staying the night with him?"

"Yeah, wanna be here as much as I can," he answered as he turned to face me, unwavering joy on her face.

"Good. Well, let me know if there's nights you can't make it. I just don't want him to be alone," coach put his hands on his hips.

"Understood. I'll let you know," Dismas nodded.

"I'll leave ya lovebirds to it. Goodnight," coach patted my shoulder before turning to leave.

"Goodnight, coach," I waved, even though his back was turned.

"Night," Dismas followed my parting message.

He was as slow as molasses walking out the door, but once we heard the door shut, I felt Dismas's warmth come closer.

"Finally, ey? I was starting to think they'd never leave," he pushes his lips onto my cheek.

"Haha, they weren't here for that long, honey," I traded him back for a kiss on the lips. "But I agree, it was starting to feel a little claustrophobic."

"Were you playin' earlier? You looked completely spaced out when they asked if you wanted to eat out somewhere," Dismas lazily placed his chin onto his hand.

Hm...I don't remember that question ever being asked. "Who asked that?"

"The bearded guy with the shaggy hair."

"Oh, Willam. No, the last thing I remember him talking about was if any of your colleagues were single."

"Damn, really?" Dismas's eyes widened. "He did ask that, but that was long before. Are you okay?"

He leaned up further to stare into my eye, like he was checking if it was bloodshot or dilated.

"I feel okay," the nurse gave me some more pain medication not too long before they entered, it might've just kicked in a lot stronger than anticipated. "Sorry I don't remember. Hope I didn't miss too much more of the conversation."

"Did they get you in for a CAT scan?" Dismas caressed my cheek. "You hit your head pretty bad when you fell."

"I don't know if it's that much of a concern right now," I shrug. "My head hasn't hurt at all since you came down to see me on the ice, and that was before any pain medication was administered," I rubbed his arm, I can see he's feeling a little uneasy. "But if I notice any great head pains, I'll call the nurse. It's a miracle I haven't gotten a head injury yet."

"Yeah, no kidding," Dismas raised his brows for emphasis. "I would do it just in case, but that's just me being a worry-bug."

"I don't wanna waste their time," I admitted. I already felt like I was taking up too much space in this hospital, sucking out resources like I was a leech. But these people chose a career built on kindness, all they live for is to make others lives better. It makes me wonder what I'm doing, throwing my body around and chasing superficial wins, but I suppose the sports industry wouldn't be as popular if it weren't providing value to peoples lives.

If the military wasn't so shrouded in hatred and bloodshed, perhaps I would still be doing it. It helped the people of my country, though admittedly not on a personal level. Being the hero isn't glamorous, didn't even make me feel like a hero. Being one of the players on a hockey team however...that does.

-

After another few day and night cycles stuck in this bed, I was treated to a crutch test. Dismas was in practice when the nurses pulled me to get on my feet, but he would've been thrilled to see that I was healthy enough to walk with non-human assistance. I was told that my next week's routine would be taking laps through the corridors at least twice a day, which wouldn't be great with the dead weight dragging me down, but at least I get some exercise. I told Dismas and the team group chat about my achievement, and they all responded with unrestricted enthusiasm. Coach Barristan even sent a celebratory GIF, he somehow learned to send videos and images over the course of my recovery.

But one thing did tamper my mood; the flowers. They were starting to wilt, and water was sucked out completely. With the crutches by my side, I went to the bathroom to replenish its health with water.

"I can't be the only one that's healthy in this room," I said to no one in particular. I guess I was talking to the plant?

I hope I'm not too late. The leaves were getting a bit crunchy, and the ends of the pedals were starting to shrivel. If only this hospital provided botany care professionals, too, their deteriorating health was starting to upset me.

"If they die, it'd be my fault. I don't know if I can live with that guilt..."

It caught me by surprise, but I suddenly started to cry. Not a second for my emotions to well up, I just became instantly inconsolable. I lean my crutches back to find my bed, only hoping the safety of stability will quell my outburst. Perhaps my mind is adjusting to the change after 72 hours of utter boredom? I don't know, but I feel numb to my fingertips. My body doesn't feel like my own, and...

"Oh, Rey~. My champion~"

A sing-songy voice enters unprompted. Who could that be?

"Got you a little cannoli to celebrate your--...oh shit," a man, who couldn't be more than a couple years younger than me, walks in with a happy face, until he sees me of course. "Rey, oh my God, are you okay?"

He comes to me with a drop of his plastic bag, consoling me with his legs crouched down. His soft hands cradle my damp beard, and...I can't help but admire his jet black hair and bright brown eyes. They shined in the sun from the window behind me, glowing and kind.

"Is your leg fucking with you? Is your head hurting?" Urgency filled his voice as he examined my pitiful eyes. "Why are you crying, baby?"

Baby...this is my...partner? What a beautiful man, how can I be so lucky to have him grace my presence. My hands had a mind of its own as it cradles his face back, and my eyes utterly engage with those chillingly beautiful eyes. He's stunned silent.

"I'm not crying...I'm just waking up," I vocalize to the gorgeous stranger. "My whimpers are just my heart murmuring sweet nothings. I've gone through a lot, you see..."

"...What the hell are you on about?" He shook his head, but despite his shock, he started laughing. "Have you gone full crazy? Maybe staying at this hospital really is turning you insane, and I just thought you were joking."

I can feel a glow within me shine brighter every time he spoke. There is a connection beyond physical, this is a spirit that's followed me to this hospital. The most vulnerable place I'll ever be. I had to ask, "...Who are you?"

But he didn't look too pleased at my question. I didn't think he would be, we were apparently close, after all. I could practically feel his heart shatter through my palms.

"...Is this a prank?" He laughed again, but more so a nervous chuckle of denial. "Please don't tell me you...forgot."

"...I'm sorry," I shrugged. What else can I say? I don't know this man.

His frown came back. No, don't be sad, beautiful man. I'd pretend, but...it's hard to know what is real right now. The silence was cutting through me--us, just when things were going so well...

"Assistance is on the way. Please hold."

A robotic-like tone came from my right. The man had slipped his hand past my body and held it over my hospital remote, calling for help.

"There's something really wrong with your head," his voice cracked. "But I'll stay by you, and...hopefully you go back to normal."

"...Hopefully," I reply, just to make him happy.

-

"It seems to be a trigger. Those flowers," I can hardly hear Dismas, the name of the man that is apparently my boyfriend of a few weeks. I'm fully in a sedated state, unsure if under the influence of drugs or not, and all I can see are a couple masked faces and the ceiling. "I think he has a concussion."

"The emergency room cleared him of any injury to his brain, but we can give it another try. It's more likely a chronic memory failure caused by certain triggers, like you said with the vase of flowers. We'll get those removed and we'll see if that helps."

"Chronic? Like...he's been living with this?"

"It's more likely than you think, sir. Many people from the military experience just the same lapses of memory as he's having right now."

"I...I was never told of him going through that. His coach, Barry...he would've told me."

"Some people can hide it better than others. It could be a way for him to cope."

"...God. This can't be real."

"Don't worry, he's not lost forever. He's just in a stressful place."

"You're telling me..."

In my next blink, I felt my bed shift, and suddenly I was on the move. My room's pleasant dimness gets interrupted with blinding cold light as I get rolled away, and I couldn't hear Dismas's voice anymore. No, I don't want to be dragged any further into this hospital. I can't move, I can't speak. I'm being silenced when I'm supposed to be taken care of. Don't they want what's in my best interest? They didn't even let me speak, I've been too subdued to even attempt.

Doors and buzzes, talking and machines, trapped in this body that I don't even know. And then they ask me to move this body, drag it from the last comfort I had to a hard cushion under a mechanical tube. How many times have I seen this machine? I immediately recognize it like a reoccurring icon in my dreams, but I'm never happy to see it again. What else can I do but comply with their orders? I'm at these people's whims, they might put me under again if I show resistance. This is no way to live...

-

"No...no fucking way."

"It's a surprise for us, too."

I start to hear voices again. One of them is Dismas, my partner. I can see him, but only vaguely, hitting off the light of my room's lamp, talking to a nurse.

"We're in the process of investigating any past surgeries he's had. It's just beyond me that there's no mention of it in our book. Perhaps he didn't even know this was done to him."

"I always felt a weird scar on his head. He always told me it was from hockey, but with how it's shaped..."

"I can't tell you for certain, sir, but trust me, we'll get to the bottom of this. It's not a usual thing we see without being informed beforehand."

"Okay, thank you, I...gotta make a call..."

I hear footsteps. I see a small sliver of light come through, and then disappear again. Then a sound of the door closes occurs right when I see Dismas come closer to me, hands on his phone.

I struggle to speak, but I try through my grumbled throat.

"Dismas..."

"Rey!" His attention is away from his phone and immediately to sad ol' me. He stands by my right, looking so beautiful. Scared, but ecstatic. "You...you know my name?"

"Yeah, I overheard you telling the doctors," he must think I'm back to the one he knows, he's even holding and squeezing my hand. "But if I'm being honest, that's all I know of you."

"...Oh," I see the smile drop from his face. "I guess that's...progress."

"Is something wrong with me?" I twiddle my thumb between his fingers. "What did they find in that CT scan?"

"I...I don't know if I should say," Dismas then looks away from me, ashamed to confront me with his eyes. Why does it look as though he's going to cry? "But given how even your own doctors didn't know, then...maybe I should."

I feel my hand being squeezed tighter. The anticipation is bubbling in my chest, but with how Dismas is reacting, I don't think I'm prepared to know. I feel weak through every bone in my body, my mind still a bit foggy, but less so than before. I brace for Dismas's next words.

"They...they found that part of your brain, uhm, specifically a good chunk of your frontal lobe...is missing."

...Missing?

I blink.

"Y-Yeah, like...clean off. Surgically removed," Dismas, despite the horrifying information, seems to be laughing as he continues, "I mean, just looking at you, you don't look like you went through any big head trauma. I never would've guessed. No one would..."

I don't know if the world just feels faster as my mind slowly processes the information, but the next thing I knew, Dismas was cradled by my side, hand running through my hair.

"I...I always found it weird feeling these little bumps on your head," Dismas traces a sort of curved line, a trail around my scalp. "Just maybe thought you scratched your head a lot, or got scraped up on the ice, or whatever. Anything but...this."

"...I wonder if the man you knew before knew this," I reply genuinely. Just to think how much knowledge the Reynauld had before being sent back to knowing nothing at all. "If it was a secret I would've taken to my grave. Maybe that's why I don't like hospitals, because it would reveal my deepest lie?"

"I don't know...but it doesn't seem like a secret worth keeping. What would you gain from hiding the fact you had brain surgery?" Dismas was right. It's a weird secret to hide, especially learning I was also in the military. It seems like something I'd want to share, either to brag or to warn of the dangers of war.

"There was some value for hiding it, surely..." I try to make sense of it. "Maybe I knew it would hurt me, so I refused to tell anyone?"

"But you've done those scans plenty of times before, you're a hockey player," Dismas laid that context in front of me. "You said you got one done months ago."

"Hm...then I don't know why the doctors were only able to find something now. Not like a part of my brain would disappear overnight."

"I definitely don't know of any brain surgery in the time we've been together. And these scars are as healed over as they could be," Dismas drags his thumb over my surgery scars again. "This was a long, long time ago. The only person I could think of that would know is...your coach."

My coach...my hockey coach, I would assume.

"I'm...sorry I had to be the one to tell you," he looked to the side with a somber stare.

"No, Dismas, I'm glad you did," I hope putting my hand around him would comfort his worried heart. I could see the stress draining the color from his face. His beautiful face.

"I-I know you don't know me that well, but...do you care if I stay next to you like this?" Dismas lays his hand on my chest, eyes barely staying open. "I'm...pretty scared to leave your side, but I get I'm just...a stranger to you."

"...I think you're the closest person I have," I pull him closer to me. Despite it being the first time holding him, it feels natural. Comfortable. "I trust you're my partner. You seem to know me better than anyone, and...I feel a bit more sane when you're around me."

"I'm...I'm glad, Rey," Dismas then cradles his head into my neck. "I would catch you up, but...I'm so tired."

"I understand. Take a rest, I have all the time in the world to remember you."

-