Chapter 1: The Niobids
Summary:
A Queen finds that she shouldn't have insulted Leto
Notes:
Apollo sadly doesn't have a song of his own and Artemis' one sucks
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
There is something that, for some reason, took a long time for humans to figure out: never insult a deity. A human queen had to figure out the bad way…
And her children paid the price for it. Thebes is a place you might be familiar with. After all, Greece’s most famous hero of all the time came from this tiny place. It also had the unfortunate luck of finding out firsthand why you should be really careful with your words.
Hubris is the down fall of many, both mortals, and gods (tho the later discovered that just recently, at a great cost.) Be proud of your family. Be proud of yourself. But be careful, mind you. Because for you humans, life is too fragil.
This queen was known as Niobe. Perhaps you have heard her name. If you have, you know the fate of her children. The fate of her poor sons and poor daughters. But she brought that upon herself…
Insulting a God’s mother was a bad idea. Claiming that her numerous children made her superior was a worse idea. When said mother not had one, but two children ? Now that’s the very worst idea someone could have had.
Lord Apollo and Lady Artemis are the sons of Leto, the titan. The same one that the foolish queen decided to insult. And those children are now gone…
Lady Artemis went for the girls and made sure they got a quick death. Lord Apollo went for the boys.
Her five sons were called Amyclas, Ismenus, Tantalus, Archenor and Phereus. While for the Ancient Greek children stopped being children sooner than mortals today do, the truth is that they were all still just boy. The youngest one was barely six, and the oldest one was shy of fourteen. The same applied for their poor sisters, who were all just girls.
The beautiful Apollo is a lovely sight for the eyes, with his flowing pink hair and beautiful golden eyes. Back in those days, he wore a toga that showed half of his chest, and golden laurels as well as purple hyacinths that decorated his hair. He would bring the sun for the humans of Greece…
For the boys, who were simply out playing in the field in a beautiful summer afternoon, he was the bringer of doom. It was rare to see him descend from the sky, and as such, when the eldest son spotted him, he ordered his brothers to stop playing and kneel.
“Oh lord Apollo, what brings you here ?” The eldest one tried to sound as brave as he could, it wasn’t every day that a god appeared to you after all.
Apollo always smiled. Apollo is always warm, and friendly. That day, however…
His beautiful smile couldn’t be seen, instead a sorrowful gloom showed in his face, almost as if he was done crying. He didn’t greet the children as he would have usually done or offered to play for a bit. That…that never is a good sign, dear mortals.
“I’m afraid I’m here to kill all of you “the god said with frightening calm. Of course, the scared children stood up.
“W-why?” One of the youngest boys asked.
“Your mother has insulted mine, little one “Apollo answered “it pains me to do so, but well, what kind of son would disobey their mother ?”
“We didn’t insult lady Leto!” The second son complained
“Neither did your sisters, but mine already took care of them” of course that only frightened the boys more, sending them crying, specially little Tantalus, who was now the only one of a set of twins “don’t worry, they didn’t suffer, it was quick “
“We didn’t do anything to your mother! We didn’t do anything to you! They didn’t do anything !” The eldest boy shouted angrily, recklessly taking out his dagger “leave me and my brothers out of this, or I…I will kill you, you bastard!”
Sure, insulting a god was not a good idea. Specially with something that was indeed true. And threatening to kill a god…that’s just plain stupid.
The God was, however, amused “my dear boy, that’s not a divine weapon. It will be as good as the wooden sword that you left in my temple two moons ago…” but, he had to admire something “are you really willing to give up your life for your siblings?”
The boy didn’t give the god an answer “RUN! JUST RUN!” He told his siblings before launching himself against the deity. All but one of them were quick to obey, running scared and crying. Do I really have to tell you how he fared? Fine, but trust me, it wasn’t pretty.
Apollo allowed him to try and stab him, only for the dagger to break as soon as it hit him. The boy looked at Apollo, his eyes full of fear, his lips shaking and him wishing to beg and maybe offer himself to the god if he spared his life, for it was said that the deity was fond of male lovers. (He is, but once they are adults, that is)
“Just kill me. Kill me and spare my brothers “was all that he could say.
“What is your name?” Apollo asked with a soft voice. He held the boy’s hand with a strange gentleness. The god hadn’t even used Artemis’ threads, choosing to hold the boy himself.
“I-Ismenus…” he mumbled. The boy couldn’t read the god’s face, or his voice.
“You are a brave boy, Ismenus” Apollo hummed, for he wanted to write a song about the young prince whose hand he was holding “truly, you could have just run like they did, leaving the two of us all alone “
“T-two?” With fear, Ismenus turned to see that Tantalus was still there.
After hearing about his twin’s fates, the little one had frozen in fear and hadn’t run. He had then crumbled down sobbing, and his terrified brothers had been too scared to try and drag him.
Apollo sighed “don’t blame them, it’s only natural to feel this scared…”
But the prince hadn’t given up, trying to kick the god and plead
“Leave them! Please, leave them! Kill me right now and spare them! I am my father’s heir! “He begged, his feet hurting and bleeding, for the god couldn’t be harmed, but a mortal could “They are just children!”
“And so are you…” Apollo said, and gently stroke his face as tears fell from the boy’s eyes “you are afraid, so afraid…but you still chose to die for them…”
He was going to write a song about the boy
“Don’t do this!” The boy still tried to kick him “I beg you, lord Apollo! Spare them!”
The god looked at the boy’s eyes, and for a moment, he truly felt like a monster “I will give them all the same quick death that I shall grant you. I will hold their hands while they die…tho if they manage to evade me before the sun sets, I will allow them to live” Now, with his domains, Apollo let his voice sound booming, making the rest of the children could hear.
It was his own hand who pierced the young prince’s heart, and truth to his words, Apollo held his hand as life fled those crying eyes. He gently laid the boy’s body on the ground, summoning two golden coins that he put on his eye.
“None of you shall dare to touch the children’s bodies” he told to the crows, vultures, flies and every single creature that could hear him. And they were smart enough to obey. The god put the boy’s hands in his chest.
The little boy was still crying, not having noticed that his older brother was now dead. Tears covered his eyes, and he didn’t notice as Apollo gently lifted him. His instinct, dumb as it could have been, was that it must have been one of his elder brothers. Maybe, just maybe, Ismenus had been able to kill the god.
The boy cuddled against his chest as he cried, and the pink haired god gently rocked him, trying to comfort him.
“I have a twin sister as well” Apollo spoke “I can’t imagine how it would feel like to lose her…”but it had been her who killed the girl “I’m truly sorry, little one “
Tantalus looked at him, still sobbing. He didn’t speak, still just crying. Apollo shielded him from the sight of Ismenus’ body.
“This was hers, wasn’t it?” A doll. Artemis said the girl had dropped it as she tried to flee. The girl’s twin held it and cried.
Apollo didn’t want the doll to stain with blood, his heart ached for the boy who had lost his twin. The god soothed the boy, reaching to softly touch his neck…
Humans can, quite easily, twist a chicken’s neck and prevent a drop of blood spilling. It’s quick and painless. That’s exactly how the youngest child died. Apollo laid him next to his oldest brother and gave him another pair of coins.
Archenor, a ten-year-old boy, ran through the forest, crying for help and praying to whatever god could hear him. None of them came for his aid, of course.
And it struck him how much of a coward he was, having ran and leaving his little brother behind. He had to go back, he had to…
Keep running. He was a coward. He knew it, but he wanted to live.
“HELP! PLEASE, ANYONE!” He kept yelling. He tripped, an golden threads suddenly grabbed his little body.
“You aren’t a coward for running “Apollo knelt down and pet his face. The boy’s voice had left him, for the sight scared him enough to avoid speaking “don’t worry for your little brother, I made sure he didn’t suffer”
But anger was enough to return it “GO TO TARTARUS!” The child yelled, those being his lasts words. If he was going to die anyways, while starring at the god who had decided to obey his mother, it was only fair if he got to curse him.
Apollo was unbothered, a scared child would say anything “I will make sure you don’t end there “ he promised as he took the boy’s hand and pierced through his chest.
Apollo carried his body back with those of his brothers. He couldn’t blame the boy for holding ill feelings against him. After all, it was him who had silenced his life.
Apollo had been too fast, and it appeared that none of the children would be able to run away. Such a shame…
Two of them were left: Amyclas and Phereus. Amyclas was eight years old, his brother was twelve. They both had ran together, and heard their last brother’s scream.
“Brother? “the child held his hand tightly “I’m tired…” his legs wouldn’t let him run much more. His older brother looked at him…
Phereus then took a decision: he hadn’t been able to save his other brothers,not even the smallest one, but there was something he could do.
“Climb the tree” he mumbled. The god wouldn’t harm a tree, as it was said he loved nymphs, and would expect them to keep running. And Phereus would keep running.
“Will you climb with me?” Amyclas asked
“Oh no, I will go for the priests! They will calm Apollo down! Plus the sun is getting low, I will be fine, don’t worry! “a lie, he knew. But it was better to have him believe that “stay quiet, shh…just climb up…”
His father had once joked that his brother was half a squirrel instead of a boy. And for that he was glad…
He ran and ran as far as he could. And he began to sing.
Meanwhile, Apollo’s own brother had appeared. Lord Hermes, was, after the all, the one in charge of guiding those who had a violent death to the underworld…
“Brother…”Hermes mumbled, as he saw the bodies of two children laying down “what is the meaning of this?”
Apollo sighed as he came out of the woods with one more body “their mother insulted mine, little brother…” he spoke as he knelt to set one more of them next to his siblings.
“Most of us would have just killed them” Hermes shrugged “Maybe turn their people to stone, leave them exposed for a bit…” but this…maybe it was a bit too cruel, to ironically give such a mercy
“I shall bury them myself, once I’m done “Apollo declared. But his attention turned to the forest once again…
“I will remember and not be unmindful of Apollo who shoots afar. As he goes through the house of Zeus, the gods tremble before him and all spring up from their seats when he draws near, as he bends his bright bow.”
“Someone is singing…”He mumbled “and with such a beautiful voice…” and thus the pair of gods went to the forest, as Hermes too wanted to know what was going on.
“But Leto alone stays by the side of Zeus who delights in thunder; and then she unstrings his bow, and closes his quiver, and takes his archery from his strong shoulders in her hands and hangs them on a golden peg against a pillar of his father's house. Then she leads him to a seat and makes him sit”
The godly siblings, both so puzzled about the song and its singer, passed the three where Amyclas was hiding. The boy hid his face, tho his luck made it that neither of them looked up. There was perhaps five minutes left of sunlight…
Phereus kept running, his feet sore, and his voice getting tired.
“Then, in a goblet of gold, sweet nectar his father presents him,
making his dear son welcome; and straightway the other immortals
sit down there in assembly, and Leto the lady is gladdened,
seeing that she has brought forth so mighty a son and an archer.
Hail and rejoice then, Leto the blessèd, for glorious children
you bore, lordly Apollo and Artemis shooter of arrows”
“Gods, if only Niobe had understood that..”Apollo sighed “She made mother cry, Hermes…”
“I would do the same, brother” Hermes lied. He would do much worse..
“You bore, lordly Apollo and Artemis shooter of arrows,
her in Ortygia, him brought forth in Delos the rocky,
while you reclined on a great tall peak of the Kynthian highland,
close to a date-palm tree by the streams of the River Inópos.
How shall I sing of you who are in all ways worthy of singing?
The boy wished his mom had been wiser, that she had not spoken a word…and yet, while tears fell on his eyes, while he heard the steps of the approaching gods, he kept singing. He knew the songs, he had been on Apollo’s temple for his brother’s birthday two months ago, Phereus was looking forwards to surrendering his toys on the temple as well.
“For to you, Phoibos, melodious songs are intoned the world over,
both on the mainland, nurturing heifers, and over the islands;
all of the crags are delightful to you, and the sharp promontories
jutting from steep high mountains, and rivers that flow to the seabrine,
beaches that slope down into the water, and deep sea harbors.”
Three minutes were left of light, at best. Phereus knew he would be dead soon…
“Shall it be how first Leto delivered you, gladdening mortals,
when by the mountain of Kynthos she lay, on the rock-strewn island
Delos begirt by the sea, with a black wave surging on either
hand to the dry land under the shrill sharp breath of the stormwinds?”
He turned around, and saw the gods approaching, but Phereus didn’t stop singing. But he didn’t notice he was approaching an edge…
“Thence indeed having risen, you rule over all of us mortals,
over the people who dwell in Crete and the district of Athens,
also the isle of Aigína and galley-renownèd Euboía,
Aigai, Eíresiaí, and Pepárethos, close to the sea-brine,
also Thracian Athos and Pelion’s towering summits,
Thracian Samos as well, and the shadowy highlands of Ida.”
Phereus took one last step, nearly victim to a fatal fall, but Apollo was quick enough to save him from such a destiny.
“Careful, now…” Apollo gently pulled him back.
Phereus kept singing, trying for his mind to just go away, hoping for the best for his little brother. The only sibling he had left…
“So to you too farewell, great scion of Zeus and of Leto;
but about you and about some other song I will be thinking.”
“I mean, you could always spare him” Hermes couldn’t care less about the mortal child, but his brother’s face was full of tears “the sun is getting low, big brother…”
The older god shook his head “The things I do for love…”Apollo mumbled, still grabbing the boy’s hand as he prepared for one last kill that day…
Wasn’t it ironic that the god’s hair looked just like the beautiful sunset, the last one Phereus saw in his life?
Apollo carefully grabbed his lifeless body “He had such a beautiful voice…Had his mom just kept her mouth shut…”
Hermes rolled his eyes, sometimes he didn’t understand his brother. For someone who said one should have pity with humans, he surely didn’t practice his words. He had showed mercy to Python after all... Hermes should have told him about the boy they passed, the one up in the tree, but his brother had been too focused with his own hymn being sung, so that one child had won.
Amyclas was found by the soldiers of his deceased father the next day, still up in the three. His sisters had been laid to rest the day before, his brothers had all been buried by Apollo. When he became King, he made sure that the Thebans knew to fear and honor the god…
And when Ragnarok arrived, it wasn’t hard to guess that the children cheered for King Leonidas. The eldest brother grew to be older than any of his siblings, even older than his mother, who had been killed in a fit of rage by their father upon hearing about her actions. His father had then killed himself as he cried about his deceased children, leaving Amyclas all alone to rule. Of course, Apollo won his fight..
Notes:
the song is a Hymn to Apollo, by Rodney Merrill
you can find it here:https://chs.harvard.edu/chapter/8-the-homeric-hymn-to-apollo-translated-by-rodney-merrill/
Chapter 2: Hermes invents a new instrument
Summary:
Hermes steals Apollo's cattle
I used lyrics from this translation:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAv9zRWZrGs
Notes:
Muy bebé, aún en la cuna
Quiso ir en busca de aventuras
Roba bueyes, ve tortugas
Crea una lira superchula!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Lord Hermes is the youngest of Zeus’ sons, not counting the later Heracles, of course. Lord Ares, Lady Aphrodite and Lord Apollo are among his oldest siblings. His maternal grandfather is the Titan Atlas …
And he is quite a troublemaker. I’m sure you have heard that.
He is full of divine shrewdness, always delivering things in a flash. A lifetime guard and an immortal ovine deity.
Hermes always goes full throttle, and when he unleashes his anger, he’ll be ripping your limbs off without even blinking his eyes.
And that’s actually quite accurate to how my handsome brother is. Because do trust me, is handsome:
Red eyes, inherited from his Titan grandfather (well, his MATERNAL Titan grandfather). Hair as black as the feathers of a mischievous crow (tho less so than him). He’s got two tattoos on his face: one under his left eye, close to the mole in his chin, and one over his right eye. Every goddess and quite a few gods were thankful the day he decided to start using a butler outfit…
Tho I assure you, he is no demon, even if he looks like that one who served a young Victorian boy and used a similar outfit. I don’t recommend trying to summon that demon, just in case...
But, if you got beef, you should call Hermes. Hermes goes the extra miles. With his snazzy tennis, you can run and win!
He needs no chariot, as he’s already as fast as lightning.
It is no wonder you mortals believe that, when he was quite a young one, still in the cradle, he decided to go and seek adventures.
That’s an exaggeration. My brother was around six back then. Young for mortals, sure, but he was no baby anymore. He was a child with quite extraordinary powers. And a curious child too. So, one day, he decided he wanted to go and look for someone
“All right, my sweet boy” his mother, a nymph named Maya, had no reason to fear for her son’s safety. After all, what could befall him on the heavens?” Just don’t cause too much trouble, all right?”
Hermes wasn’t born in Arcadia, he was born right here on Mount Olympus, as all of us gods were, save for Heracles. And Maya saw no reason for her son to want to go elsewhere.
And that was her mistake: of course, Hermes had good reasons to go off Olympus, it wasn’t even the first time he had done so in the first place (not that she knew). See, while gods weren’t allowed nor did they truly care to take mortals for lovers, there was no issue in watching, wasn’t it ? Or doing more than just watching.
Lord Apollo was always one to easily find himself in love. While nymphs, us muses and minor goddesses are his usual lovers, young mortal men tend to catch his attention as well. And thus, as Heracles’ hadn’t made a pact with the gods yet, the pink haired god had tried to pass himself as a young shepherd, in order to gain the favor of a handsome young king by the name of Admetus. A very beautiful pink haired shepherd of course.
He wished for the king to love him…but soon the king married a lovely woman, much to his grief, as that had him stop from paying any mind to the disguised god. But he had been hired to work as a shepherd for seven years by the king, and the god took such things seriously as he felt it would disappoint his brother Ares, as Lord Apollo always uses Lord Ares as a reason as to why he does or doesn’t do certain things.
It so happened that another young mortal got interested in the god, and went as far as to kiss him one day, while he was taking care of the cattle. Seeing that the king wasn’t paying him any mind, he allowed the man to court him. He was a prince, who looked a bit older than Apollo was, and thus the god spend time with him, leaving the cattle to fend by itself as he enjoyed passing time in his lover’s arms.
“This brother of mine pays too much attention to mortals “Hermes complained to his uncle, Adamas
“And? Come on little brat, it’s his choice if he wants to waste his time with a mortal “ the green skinned god shrugged.
Apollo had been from Olympus for a few years by now, and the little god missed him, but wouldn’t say a word.
“I’m going to teach him a lesson! “And thus, the young god decided to play him a prank “so he won’t switch us for mortals again! I’m taking the stupid cows away!”
Adamas rolled his eyes “Fine,go then! Just watch yourself !”
King Admetus had a hundred cows, eighty calves and a bull. Hermes considered that the mortal had too many, and so he chose twelve cows, twenty of their calves and the bull.
“Hmm, but Apollo will find me too easily…” Hermes realized as he noticed that the cows left behind footprints. So he tied branches to each of their tails, and as they walked, they erased their evidence.
Hermes took the animals across Greece. No mortal seemed to have noticed, and if they did, the sight of a child that young holding unto the cows s was enough to dissuade them from approaching him. After all, if you saw a child with red eyes, it would be natural to assume they weren’t human, right?
An old man by that name of Bato seemed to think otherwise, tho perhaps he couldn’t see that well anymore. But he could tell that the cattle were fine, and thus approached the boy
“Child, where are you taking those cows?” He asked. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to do so.
“To a cave!” Little Hermes answered with a giggle, pointing to where he was going to hide “don’t tell my older brother, please! You can keep this cow if you don’t tell him! “
That meant he was to inform the child’s brother as soon as they crossed paths “alright, go on child” tho he did accept the cow, as surely the older brother would recognize it if he came around, for all cattle was branded by it’s owner.
Hermes went to hide the cows deep inside the cave, tho he found himself soon very hungry.
And luckily, there were lots of cows…
“The king won’t miss two less “Hermes decided before he killed one of the cows by simply punching its head. The little god then made himself a delicious meal.
Of course, a child god would be able to eat all of it’s meat. Except he left some of its entrails, for that part he didn’t like, and the horns. He then noticed a tortoise who was slowly walking.
“Hmm, what kind of creature are you?” Hermes asked as he picked the creature off the ground. It was a tortoise, of course. He then had an idea, seeing it hide in its shell “I’m going to borrow this!”
His older brother loved to play music, being the god of it, so maybe he would come back home and leave the dumb mortal king. Hermes, even if he had managed to kill a cow, hadn’t realized that ripping the tortoise off its shell would kill it.
“Whoops…” he said, seeing that the poor thing had died. But he simply washed the blood off
He found a piece of wood, put the entrails on it like strings, and then stuck the horns to the tortoise shell..
You can guess what Apollo had been doing with his lover while the boy stole the cattle . The god gave him one last kiss before fixing his clothes
“I need to go back to attend the cattle “ Apollo mumbled, tho his lover grabbed his arm
“You could come and serve my father, Phoebus “of course lord Apollo had been smart enough not to give his real name, tho his appearance remained the same. He was afraid that being a god would make his mortal lovers find him a bit too intimidating “stay with me…”
Apollo giggled a bit “I swore to serve King Admetus for seven years, dear “he reminded to his lover.
“Can you even walk ?” The prince asked.
“Well, you could always carry me…” the god could indeed walk but would rather be carried in any case .
And thus, in his lover’s arm he returned to where the rest of the cattle was at.
But upon counting…
“No no, I must be doing this wrong” Apollo mumbled, still not bothering to have gotten off the Prince arm’s “one… two…three…”
“You have counted them four times already “ his lover said “many of them are missing”And the prince feared that the young King would punish his lover “you need to come with me, I’m sure father can find a way to replace them”
“Nonsense, it’s my own fault to have gotten myself into this “Apollo insisted
“There are no hooves to be seen, it’s almost like if a god had taken them! “but the prince didn’t think any of them would have done such a thing.
Apollo, however, had an idea or two” go back to your home, alright? I will fix everything…”
And off to Olympus Apollo went. Any god could have done it, but he suspected his little brother could have had a hand or two on it…
“Looking for the cows?” and his uncle Adamas confirmed his suspicions, while standing next to a pillar
“Have you seen Hermes around here?” Apollo needed to go get them back after all.
“The brat hasn’t made it back yet” the god sighed “ He should hurry, his mom is going crazy looking for him”
“Do you know where he went, uncle?” Apollo asked, maybe he would know
“Nah, he only said he was going to prank you” Adamas shrugged “He will be fine anyways.”
“I worry about what King Admetus will say” and even worse…” My godly friend Ares will be so disappointed with me!” and that made him feel even worse “or maybe he can help me! I will go find him”
The god of Conquest rolled his eyes, Ares was his favorite nephew, and he always complained about Apollo’s antics. In fact, it was the god of War who had suggested Apollo stay for so long in the mortal realm, as his brother didn’t want to deal with him for a while.
“He is in Pilos... but don’t tell him I said anything!” Adamas told his nephew, who thanked him and left. The older god waited until his nephew was out of ear shot “he is gone, Ares. You can come out now”
Ares sighed as he stepped from behind the pillar “I thought he would never leave” the god of war sighed. He was still as handsome as always, and still an unfortunate victim of Apollo’s very loving side.
“Good thing you knew where Hermes would go to” or else Apollo would have stayed there.
“He isn’t going to be happy when he finds out I told you” but he would rather deal with an angry Hermes than with Apollo “Thank you, uncle.”
For you see, Hermes was a little one, and back then he had more respect for his big brother Ares. As such, he would tell him about many of his adventures, and Ares had promised not to tell. But he still claimed that he would go to that cave every time he went down to earth, his mother just hadn’t found out yet.
Back on Earth, Apollo went to Pilos, looking for the missing cows. He had no luck, still not a single print on the floor. But luckily, he recognized one of the animals: the mark on it’s side made it luckily too easily.
“Good sir, where did you get this cow?” Apollo asked. The cow mooed upon recognizing him, and the god pet its head gently
“A boy was taking them “the old man answered “Are you by chance his older brother?”
“Yes, and I need to get them back soon” for he didn’t want to disappoint his older brother or King Admetus
“Take the cow, the boy went to hide in a cave” the old man pointed to the nearest one, but as he did, he turned into stone.
For you see, he had promised not to tell about the young god’s where about, and back in those days, if you made a promise, you better keep it. Specially if the promise was made to a god, whether you knew he was one or not. Apollo sighed as he took the cow
“I need to speak to Hermes” but still, there was a problem: how was the going to find the cave?
And so, he heard horrible sound, played with an instrument he had never heard…
Because it turns out that Hermes had created a very cool lyre, made up with parts of the animals he had killed. The little god was very happy, tho he wasn’t the best at playing the instrument. The cows shrieked in agony while being forced to hear him, all the birds flew away as quickly as they could and the bull kept trying to get the boy, who was too quick for it.
The sung god let go from the cow so he could cover his ears as he approached his little brother and grabbed him, for he was also quite a fast one.
“There you are, you little troublemaker! “Apollo greeted him and gently launched him a bit, like they used to do when the god was in Olympus
“Big brother!” Little Hermes giggled and hugged his brother when he was back in his arms. Apollo ruffled the little god’s hair.
“Why did you steal King Admetus’ cows?” Apollo asked as he sat down in a rock with his brother, and Hermes frowned before getting of his arms.
“Because you pay too much attention to mortals!” Hermes grumbled and crossed his arms while pouting. Something he wouldn’t do now, but remember, he was just but a child back then.
“Well, I promised I would be his shepherd, I can’t just go back to Olympus yet” Apollo told his little brother “It’s not okay to steal from others” tho Hermes would end up becoming the god of thieves.
“But it’s not fair, Apollo! I miss you! Aphrodite misses you! Ares misses you!” the last bit was a lie, Hermes was sure his brother had thrown a party the day Apollo said he would be leaving for nearly a decade, but that he wouldn’t tell his brother as he loved Ares very much. Too much for the sensitivity of mortals if I may be honest here.
“And I miss you too, but your actions were still wrong” Apollo continued “ what did you do to the mortal who you gave the cow too?”
“Nothing” Hermes lied, but he knew it was risky for mortals to make promises to gods“I told him not to tell you were I was going!”
“He turned into stone after telling me where to find you” the god sighed “did he know you were a god?”
“I didn’t ask” the boy shrugged
“Mortals are really a bit weak, brother. You do need to be a bit kinder to them” they had their good things, but of course, he couldn’t get to angry at Hermes, he was still just a little boy.
“Alright…” Hermes pouted, he had been kind: the curse only affected the old man, he could have cursed his family too but was kind enough not to do so. “but will you come back to Olympus? I miss you!”
“Once my time here is done” Apollo insisted, he wouldn’t budge “Besides you can still visit me! You did manage to sneak here…just do tell your mother next time, she is worried about you”
“Oh, mom!” gods she would be so angry when he came back “Alright….” But Hermes still wasn’t precisely happy of course.
“And may I see the instrument you made?” while Hermes did a…questionable job playing it, Apollo was still curious about it.
“Of course!I call it the lyre” the little god took it out to play it, Apollo decided it would be cruel to cover his ears but really wished he could do it. Hermes was always wanting to go fast, and the lyre wasn’t the best instrument for him. And the god noticed a thing or two…
“Are those…cow horns?” the turtle shell didn’t bother him, but…”and….cow entrails?” sure he had accidentally killed the old man, but the cow
“I got hungry!” Hermes said as he finished playing his instrument.
“…Of course you did” Apollo would need to apologize with the king later, but before “May I play it?”
Hermes gave him the lyre. The god began to play it, but he did so in a slower way. Every cow and calf nearby soon came close to listen to the god’s music, and the bull as well, not longer trying to stomp on the little god. Apollo soon found himself drawn to it…
“I will give you the one I made in exchange for this one” he would make the lost cow up to king Admetus, but he really wanted the lyre to be his.
“Hmmm…But will you come back?” Hermes pouted. Otherwise he wouldn’t say yes
Apollo thought for a second…”Alright, I will. Just let me say goodbye to my lover and the King, okay?”
“Why were you two running with wet sandals when I went to steal the cows?” Hermes asked curiously, and Apollo blushed
“How about I go get your new instrument right now?” he offered and didn’t wait for Hermes to answer before being gone. That was a question he would answer once his brother was older…
Apollo was so embarrassed that he didn’t notice his uncle Adamas and his brother Ares (which the god of War was thankful for) and was soon back on earth.
This was an instrument made of wood, with the shape of the Greek’s ideal woman back in the day, and five strings, just like the ones Hermes had used for his instrument. It was played with a wooden stick.
“Here, try it!” Apollo told his little brother as soon as he came back with it. Hermes quickly got ahold of it
The instrument was better suited for the energetic little god, who could play it at an amazing speed, but the songs still were beautiful to hear. And that’s how Hermes became the violin player we all know and love! The little god began to dance while using his new gift.
“Hermes dance, Hermes yes” Apollo cheered on him and laughed a bit.
Of course, Apollo had to present himself to the King after returning the remaining animals.
“And for having lost that cow, I will make sure that all of your herd bear twins” Apollo promised after revealing that he was not a simple mortal.
“It is quite generous, my lord” King Admetus, however, didn’t have doubts about it, it had been clear as day. Apollo’s lover, the Prince from the neighboring city-state, was present as well, for the god had requested his presence.
“And I’m sorry that our time has been cut short, my love” Apollo sighed before returning to Olympus
Once he left, the shocked prince looked at the King, who was his cousin” Phoebus…was a god?”
“You really didn’t know, Branchus?” the King asked, “have you even looked at the statues on his temple?”
And it turned out that indeed, he had been sleeping with a god for a while.
Notes:
no chronological order for this things, just like the actual myths
I'm mainly using Pierre Grimmal's copilation
Chapter 3: They dressed as a bride and her maid!
Summary:
Mjolnir gets stolen and it must be retrieved
Lyrics from this translation:
https://youtu.be/e-cWnEtEjGM?si=AgavL3imdDWv1Ekp
Notes:
There is another person who made a retelling of this story too, I highly suggest reading theirs:
https://archiveofourown.to/works/53530285Se vistieron de novia y criada
Para así, al gigante engañar
Y en la recepción se come un buey
Haciendo sospechar al rey, –no creo que seas mujer
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
You all know about Thor, the tall, strong and handsome god of thunder, son of Odin. He has gotten beautiful, long red hair that goes past his waist and colossal power, as well as deep black eyes with pupils yellow as the thunders that he is god of. Many golden patterns emanate from his hands, eyes, which went across his forehead, covered by his bangs. What a shame that the white robes he uses forces you to use your imagination. His hands are covered with Járngreipr, two black gloves. They help him wield, Mjolnir, his hammer, which can’t ever fail.
But did you know that someone once dared to steal Mjolnir? Of course, you mortals must be puzzled. ‘Dear narrator, but only someone who’s worthy of Mjolnir may lift it!’. My dear, three humans came up with that idea in what you mortals know as the sixties! Are you going to tell me that Thor also has an Australian accent ? Of course not! Now let me go back to the story.
Thor was tearing apart Asgard trying to search for it, as it was gone once he woke up. Few gods dared to try to stop him, for the remaining giants would be surely eager to try to destroy Asgard once again if they heard of it, and of course Loki was ‘helping’ (also known as teasing him non stop)
“Did you try looking under your bed already, cuz?” Because you see, those two are cousins. Not brothers. Thor does have other brothers of course, but none of them are Loki, thankfully.
Loki is another handsome god, skinnier and smaller than his cousin, with green hair and purple eyes. He is quite the troublemaker among the bride, but also a very good ally when required.
“Lord Thor, I’m sorry, but I haven’t found Mjolnir either! “ said a grey haired young god with eye glasses. Forsetti is Thor’s nephew by his brother Balder, he has justice and reconciliation as his domains. And he is also Thor’s biggest fan, as you might recall. “This isn’t good, if the giants hear…”
“Ugh don’t be so dramatic “ Loki rolled his eyes, and the godling quickly hid behind Thor upon hearing the trickster’s voice. The green haired god sighed “maybe we should just go ask Heimdall “
“Y-yes, lord Heimdall can see everything!” Forsetti had to agree with Loki, who was smiling like a frog as usual.
Thor just looked at his nephew, who ran to fetch the all seeing god. The Watchman of the apocalypse soon returned next to his nephew
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT MJOLNIR IS GONE ?” The small, grey skinned god screamed, his voice full of worry
“It was gone when I woke up” Thor spoke as he threw some furniture while trying to look for it. Don’t question why he was even doing that, seeing how big his hammer is (I mean Mjolnir, truly…not that I would mind find his big his other hammer is of course)
“Can you try to find it before Thor wrecks Asgard ?” So many homes, bars and barns that had barely been reconstructed after the giants’ attack had been damaged while the god searched for Mjolnir.
And some others had been curiously enough wrecked by Forsetti, for he wanted to help his uncle too.
Now Heimdall is quite a curious god. Another of Odin’s sons, brother of Thor and cousin of Loki, this deity uses a pair of protective red googles. If you looked at his face, you’d think he’s more of a robot, instead of the Watchman of the Apocalypse. Could it be because he has nine mothers? Who knows!
He focused and tried to find the hammer. It might have been better to call him sooner, but after the giants had almost destroyed Asgard, his duties included making sure no giants would approach.
“I can see it, near river Ifing “Heimdall declared.
“Alright alright, I will go for it” tho no one has asked, Loki saw it fit to fly there himself.
“Wait Loki, shouldn’t we- “Heimdall wanted to know how it got there in the first place, but his brother glared at him.
“Bring it now!” Thor demanded.
Loki turned himself into a falcon. Some said that it was with Freya’s falcon skin, but the truth is that the green haired deity is also the god of transformation. While he is an annoying, cunning and playful god, he can be quite useful…
And soon he arrived at Jotunheim, where this river was at. And there he saw a giant sitting all alone on a hillside.
“Greetings, Loki” he greeted after spotting the falcon, for this giant was Thrym, and he was not a common one; he was the king of the giants.
Loki sighed and turned himself into a god once again “did you really take my cousin’s Mjolnir? “The god clicked his tongue. He couldn’t act as if this was a threat to Asgard itself, for Thor was the mightiest and strongest of the Asgardians, and he could pretend that losing Mjolnir was a minor inconvenience instead of the life threatening situation they had been put at “Not quite a bright idea, he is really mad. I mean, I would be too! You took his favorite toy! Now he has been forced to use his own hands to wreak havoc while searching for it.”
“Then I invite him to come here” the giant was too calm for Loki’s liking.
“Or I could kill you myself right now if I wanted” the green haired god was about to summon his weapons, but Thrym laughed. Another bad sign, but Loki refused to show any sign of worry.
Or fear. After all, giants had just recently killed and eaten several of Asgard’s residents, including gods such as Tyr himself. Loki had been away at the time but was informed by a certain messenger god who came across him. While the god could easily deal with them in any case, for Loki is the Ephemeral Assassin, he was unsure if perhaps more giants were roaming close by and would rather not lose his time. He could try flying away if needed, but Loki needed to at least know if he could retreat Mjolnir.
“Whether it’s your or the thunderer, the result will be the same: kill me, and you won’t see Mjolnir ever again” he declared “even if you try asking the rest of the giants, only I know where I hid it.”
“Heimdall was able to see you had it here” Loki announced, “why do you think I risk coming to this stinking place?”
“Oh, that I know” the giant said, much to Loki’s shock. His face made Thrym burst laughing again “I allowed it myself, or else I wouldn’t be able to negotiate a deal.”
“A deal?” Loki floated to be on the same eye level as the king of the giants.
“Do you think I stole Mjolnir to get back at Thor for killing my people?” Thrym said amused. “It was a waste of time attacking Asgardians, as good as they taste. Humans are an easier and tastier meal. No, of course. “
“Then why did you take Mjolnir?” Loki asked.
“It’s simple: I want the goddess Freya as my wife “the giant answered.
“Freya?” Loki rolled his eyes, of course he wanted Freyja. All giants always went nuts about Freyja, and that love business made her quite moody “What, do you want the Sun and the Moon as well?”
“Only Freya, be glad I’m only asking for her” the giant sighed “I have seen her while she rides her cat chariot over Jotunheim. Her beautiful red hair is quite the sight…”
Loki pretended to be writing down “beautiful red hair, got it…and then you will give Mjolnir back?”
“I will give it to my new wife first, so she can hand it back to Thor” of course, he wasn’t taking any risks “but he has to swear not to kill me or those at the wedding first.”
“Ah, that- “
But the giant realized something “You have to swear it as well. And until you bring me Freya to share my bed, Mjolnir will remain hidden.”
“Bah you are no fun” Loki complained “I will be back soon…”
Of course, the gods weren’t going to give Freya. Loki had used that trick before. Perhaps you know that story, it is how Sleipnir came to be…but let’s leave that for another occasion.
When Loki returned, Odin’s crows where there as well. They were gathered with Thor, Heimdall and Forsetti, who’s smile vanished upon seeing Loki returning.
“Loki, did you find where Mjolnir is? “Asked the worried black crow.
“Why didn’t you bring it with you?” asked the white crow, who was also worried.
“The giants must be gathering right now to attack us again” Forsetti said almost crying and staying behind Thor. He had almost died during the invasion, and it was a sore topic for him. It was for all of Asgard, truly.
“Where is my hammer, cousin?” Thor’s yellow eyes glared at his cousin, still in bird form and lacking Mjolnir.
Loki turned back into a god and sighed “Well, Thrym, king of the giants, stole it and hid it away” he informed the gods. Heimdall immediately tried to look for it, but of course, the giant’s magic blocked his attempts.
“Then let’s go and get it” Thor could fight without his hammer, for he was the god of thunder, not of hammers of course.
“You haven’t let me finish!” Loki complained, his cousin, while not quite talkative, could be impatient “Thrym hid it away, and his magic won’t let us see it. He asked for Freya as a wife in return for Mjolnir.”
“Seriously? Freya?” Heimdal rolled his eyes.
“Why do giants want Freya?” Complained the black crow.
“She makes them go nuts” answered the white crow.
“Of course we wont give him Freya!” Forsetti spoke, but Thor glared and him “…. right?”
“Well, he is the only one who knows where it is at…” Loki sighed “Freya can take care of herself, so- “
“I want to go” Thor spoke, a thunder sprawling across the sky as he did.
“Cousin, didn’t you hear me?” Loki raised an eyebrow “We have to give Freya to him in return of Mjolnir. And he will make us swear not to harm him.”
“If Thrym is the king of the giants, then I wish to fight him myself “Thor wasn’t happy about letting Freya have all the fun for herself. As you know, the thunder god spend quite some time looking for the perfect opponent, which arrived during the first round of Ragnarok in the form of the legendary Lu Bu Housen. But for now, this would be all Thor would get.
“Besides it’s better not to bother Freya with this “Forsetti was a baby back when another giant had asked for her hand in order to make the wall that now had a giant hole on it, but he was still scared of the woman for her reaction upon realizing that the giant was nearly done with his task.
“But just how are we going to send you, and not send Freya herself? We need her! “The black crow tried to reason with Thor.
“Let’s just send someone to fetch her!” insisted the white crow, and for someone, he meant Loki of course. Or one of the Valkyries.
But Heimdall had been quiet for too long “Say, Loki, has Thrym actually seen Freya?” he asked to the mischievous god.
Loki shook his head, “Thrym said so himself: he has only laid eyes on her when she rides over Jotunheim with her cat chariot. I don’t think she has flown that low to Jotunheim for him to have caught a better glimpse of her.”
“So, he only has seen her hair, at best” Heimdall looked at Thor for a second “And she wears it quite long now that I remember. Just like you do, brother.”
Thor glared at the god, who gulped, but he was alive so that must have meant that Thor was paying close attention. It was a bit hard to read his expression, for it was never changing, and you couldn’t tell if Thor was happy or not until he killed you. He would only smile until Ragnarok…
“We can dress you as Freya...” Heimdall felt as if his spirit was leaving his body after making such a suggestion.
“What an indignant and repulsive suggestion, uncle Heimdall” Forsetti complained as he straightened his eyeglasses “To suggest that Lord Thor would do such a thing, to throw away his dignity and- “
“I like the idea” the thunder god told his nephew, who immediately shut up and changed his mind “make me a bride, then.”
“Why of course, it is a fantastic idea, lord Thor!” he cheered, much to the annoyance of Heimdall and Loki
“Kid, be useful and go fetch a bride dress!” Heimdall ordered, and Forsetti left to run. In Asgard, it wouldn’t be so hard to find such clothing, specially as so many of its habitants had died that surely, they’d be willing to spare a dress “Hmm…we might need a corset, and some ladders…” because the god was quite tall.
“And flowers for the flower crown!” said the black crow.
“I will go get them!” said the white crow as he flew away.
“well, that’s a fine idea” Loki admitted “I knew you had some mischief in you, Heimdall” The god smiled.
“Don’t just stay there, Loki! See if the Valkyries have some make up to spare!” they hadn’t been affected by the giants’ attack, thankfully.
“Very well…” Loki smiled, he wanted an excuse to go see Brunhilde, even if it was just for a second.
Upon arrived, however…” By the norns, did the giants get here while I was away?” Loki asked, the place was upside down.
Two tired and long eyed Valkyries greeted him: Brunhilde, eldest of the Valkyries, with her beautiful green eyes and dark hair, and Hrist, second oldest, her eyes thankfully green as well for now (for it was bad news when they changed color) and dark hair as well, hadn’t slept for days. Each held a baby on their arms as two little Valkyries ran across the place, playing with each other.
“I swear the giants were less troublesome” Hrist yawned, she held the baby and rocked a cradle. The newest bunch of Valkyries were triplets, not quite easy of course.
“What do you need, Lord Loki?” Brunhilde asked, trying not to close her eyes.
“Some make up that you can spare…”and he got another idea as well “If you could lend me one of Thrud’s corsets as well, I would be grateful” the third Valkyrie was huge, surely her clothes would also fit Thor as well.
“Why do you need that?” Brunhilde asked, just as a girl with dark purple hair in a braid and another one with long, dark red hair nearly crashed against the cradle, but Loki used his magic to move them.
“STOP IT, YOU TWO! “Hrist’s eyes had changed to golden, not good news” THE LITTLE ONE IS SLEEPING “and thankfully, the baby still remained fast asleep.
“We are just playing, sis “complained the one with red hair, who you might know as Geirolul.
“It’s boring with everyone else away” the one with purple hair, Skamold, agreed. Seeing her cute little braid, Loki had an idea to distract them and maybe earn some praise from their sister.
“Would you two like to help me with a special mission?” he asked. Loki knew that a bride would need to get her hair done, after all.
“Yes!” Both girls answered.
Brunhilde sighed “Hrist, can you take care of the triplets while I go?”
Thankfully, her eyes had gone back to being green.
“Alvitr and Hlokk are almost asleep, I can handle them…” she answered “just take those two to burn some energy.”
Brunhilde fetched make up, the corset, and, at Loki’s request, everything needed to braid hair.
“What’s the special mission, Lord Loki?” Geirololul asked as they walked, holding her oldest sister’s hand.
“I need you to braid Thor’s hair” he answered as they approached the god, who was trying to get in a new dress. A dismayed Forsetti had brought quite a lot of them, and Heimdall was trying to see which gown could go with them, but alas, all had ended ripped apart.
“Men have boobs?” little Geirololul asked, but Brunhilde shushed her.
“These don’t fit” he hissed, they all were too small for him. Brunhilde had to hold back her laughter.
“I can help, Lord Thor.” No wonder Loki asked for a corset” Just breath…”
And now the next dress had fitted him with no effort at all.
“I want to braid Lord Thor’s hair!” Geirololul demanded.
Just when Skamold looked like she was going to cry, the white crow returned with some flowers.
“Can someone make a crown with them?” and the little Valkyrie lost no time getting up to her task.
It was up to Loki and Heimdall to get the make up on Thor. Brunhilde was helping him get the dress ready properly, little Geirololul was busy getting his hair done, and Skamold was commanding Forsetti on how to choose which flowers would be used for the crown, and which ones would be better suited for Thor’s hair instead.
And Thor? He was anxious about fighting the king of the giants, expecting him to be a formidable opponent.
“Are you done?” he asked to his brother and cousin.
“We will if you stop talking!” Loki insisted as he took off the eyeliner to apply it under Thor’s eyes, holding his face to keep him on place, but the thunderer hissed as his eye teared a bit “really? This is what makes the mighty Thor cower in fear?” he would laugh but knew better than to challenge his luck.
“Gods, the foundation isn’t hiding the marks!” Heimdall said worried but resorted to apply the blush and eye shadow to at least try to make Thor look prettier. All red, as it looked great with his hair.
“I brought veils, uncle Heimdall!” Forsetti reminded the god “Once the flower is done, lord Thor’s eyes will be harder to spot!”
It didn’t quite work. Thor’s piercing eyes could still be seen through the veil on occasions. His glare would surely terrify everyone if something wasn’t done.
“Hunnin, Mugging, bring the Egyptians’ gift basked!” Heimdall ordered and the birds took off. It was a risky a risky idea...” Loki, how good are you at painting?”
The mischievous god smirked “Quite good, cousin. Quite good”
“What are you up too?” Thor asked, surprisingly puzzled. Forsetti and Skamold were busy putting white flowers on his hair.
The birds came back with the basket, it was a huge effort.
“What did the Egyptians send?” asked the white crow exhausted.
“It was quite heavy!” complained the black crow.
Heimdall didn’t answer, but rushed to take out two big fruits, green and with greenish stripes as well. You know them as watermelons.
“Color them!” He yelled as he handed Loki the fruits.
“By the norns, are you seriously going to.” Brunhilde was cut.
“We need Thrym to stare away from Thor’s eyes somehow!” Heimdall answered.
Loki quickly painted the fruits, and then had the Valkyrie put them on Thor’s chest.
“But Freya isn’t not that…her…. she…” Forsetti couldn’t get the words out “THIS IS WRONG! HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE FREYA, NOT LADY APHRODITE”
“Yet you are starring away from his eyes” Loki snicked, making the god of peace blush. “I’m sure Thrym won’t mind…”
“Lord Loki, can you help me?” Skamold asked, and Loki picked her to float. The girl put a rose in the middle of Thor’s cleavage….
He made a beautiful bride, Loki had to admit.
“Wait, but a bride needs a maid” Brunhilde realized.
“I already thought of it” Heimdall fetched another dress. This one was white too, but had green that went over it, and a buckle to hold it.
“I’m so offended” Loki hissed as he used his powers to turn into a beautiful girl, with black hair, green eyes, and a slender figure. He could change genders like he changed clothes “That is one ugly dress!”
“You cant be prettier than the bride!” the black crow reminded him.
“It is Thor’s wedding day” the white crow agreed. Loki huffed, he would be getting back at those two.
As they needed Thor to give Freya away, and him alongside Loki to swear no to kill the giants, Loki simply made copies of themselves with Heimskringla.
Thor’s chariot, pulled by the goats Tanngrisnir and Tanngnjóstr (maybe we shall speak about them some day), was brought along. Loki had the copies drive, so it looked like Thor and Loki were bringing Freya along with her maid. Dressed as bride and her maid to trick the giant, Odin's son and his nephew both sought Jotunheim.
As they left, Hermes, my brother and messenger of the gods, arrived to deliver a message.
“Excuse me, I-“and his eyes fell on Thor’s disguise “Need to know where that beautiful bride lives”
“That’s my brother Thor” Heimdall informed the Greek
“So you do know!”
.
“Now, until Thrym gives you Mjolnir, don’t kill him!” Loki spoke as Thor’s copy drove the chariot “and take off your gloves! They will alert him that something is off!”
Thor glared at his brother “But Mjolnir…”
“Wont be retrieved if you don’t help!” Loki pulled the gloves and put them away
The copy landed the chariot at the door of Thrym’s palace, and helped the gods off, as to give the impression that they were there to give off the women. The giant and his court soon appeared to greet them.
“My dear Freya, I’m so glad to finally see you!” The giant took Thor’s hand and gave it a kiss, the god trying with all his might not to just punch him. Thrym was so overjoyed about being the one to marry Freya that he nearly forgot to have the copies swear, but the giant’s sister took care of it by herself.
“Thor, Loki” she spoke casually to them “ We require you swear by your honor not to kill my brother or any of us who are at this wedding”
The copies were so perfect, that the fake Thor reacted by giving one of his angry stares, and the fake Loki rolled his eyes
“We both swear, on our honor, not to kill Thrym or anyone present at the wedding”Thor's copy spoke. The giant King whispered something to his sister, who left alongside four other giants.
Thrym led his bride and her maid to the banqueting hall, where food awaited them. Thor ate eight salmons long as his arms, an entire oxen, and, as female guests were provided sweets and cakes, he decided to take advantage of his disguise and devoured those as well. He stayed clear of anything that resembled pig, however. Of course all that food had made him thirsty, so he washed them down with two barrels of meads.
“By the gods, I wouldn’t believe a woman was capable of this” said the astonished King. He glared outside of the window, just to make sure that Thor and Loki remained in place. “I am surprised that she-“
“Oh forgive her my great sir.” she made gestures for the giant to lean, as floating would give away her identity “see, my mistress had been long in love with you, for she caught your sight eight days ago, when she drove her cats over Jotunheim. Poor Freya wasn’t able to eat or drink anything ever since” she sighed, and that was enough for the giant to believe her lies.
While Thor had been busy eating everything, Loki was serving cups of mead for the giant, spiking it thanks to her powers to make him sleepier. After all, she wanted to appear as a diligent maid
“Why thank you, dear” maybe he could take the beautiful maid as a lover, besides having the goddess as a wife. Loki giggled and went for Thor.
“Stop munching everything you elephant!” she mumbled
The giant took his bride’s hand and tried to go for a kiss on her lips, but Thor’s menacing aura stopped him. That’s one thing he inherited from Lord Odin, after all, and few beings can withstand it. Ironically, the human Lu Bu was among them.
“That stare…by the norns..” the giant was alarmed. Luckily, the goddess of mischief was a quick thinker
“Awe my mistress has used her love stare!” She lied, as Loki was also one of the beings who the stare didn’t affect, and served another cup to the giant “see, her glances are quite strong, for she is the goddess of love after all” Well, the king of the giants preferred to stare at two other body parts of his bride, in any case.
Thrym starred outside the window, to make sure the gods were still there. Something caught his attention
“How peculiar, Thor and Freya have the same hair color” he noted “who would have though so?”
Heimdall had, after all “It’s a common hair color among Vanirs and their descendants” the goddess must be on Vanaheim, unaware of the entire affair “Thor’s mother Frigga is one after all”
Frigga isn’t Thor’s mother, but that the giant didn’t know thankfully.
Thrym’s sister returned shortly before the wedding ceremony. The giants that had gone with her all carried Mjolnir, for their couldn’t do so by themselves. Thor stared at the hammer.
“Put it on the bride’s lap!” Loki suggested “her thighs are so strong that she can hold it!”
And Thrym did so “Hold this hammer, I stole it from Thor!” he said cheerfully. His sister sighed, for her brother was an idiot.
“You stole it from Thor?” the red head asked, glaring at the giant.
“Yes!” by now the mead had gotten into him way to much.
“Well, isn’t that funny?” Thor said, slightly picking the hammer
“Huh?” the drunk and sleepy giant asked
“Because” Thor picked Mjolnir completely, leaping from his seat as the watermelons fell to the floor “I AM THOR!”
He had hoped for an epic fight, for this was the king of giants. Thor had expected Thrym to be a worthy opponent…
But he found this wasn’t the case, as one strike from Mjolnir painted his dress red. Other giants tried to fight him, and they were dead in the blink of an eye
The giantesses tried to plead mercy, Thrym’s sister in particular attempted to save her life
“But you swore not to kill us!” she shrieked as Loki summoned her chains and pierced her chest, which didn’t kill her immediately so she could taunt the giantess
“Those weren’t us..” Loki smirked “see, our copies swore that THEY wouldn’t do it, and didn’t use our names now, didn’t they?” and she had remained dressed as a woman so Thor wouldn’t have all the fun. After all, it was fair for women to kill other women, right?
Guts, limbs, organs, blood and other fluids soon covered the palace’s floor. Thor was furious and he hadn’t calmed down despite the massacre.
“Hey cuz, come on, smile!” Loki said upon noticing his frown, grabbing a piece of watermelon to eat as she was hungry “you got Mjolnir back”
“But my foes were too easy to beat “ Thor groaned and looked down on his clothes “AND MY DRESS IS STAINED WITH BLOOD!”
Notes:
My source was H.A Guerber
Chapter 4: Caught by a divine net
Summary:
Ares and Aphrodite have a small incident in Hephaestus' bed
Lyrics from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOB897lD-lo and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2lxi6gsow8
Notes:
Mind the new tags! Remember this is mythology
Tiene sed de sangre,
su lanza es gigante,
el dios de la guerra, Ares.Hera Atenea o Afrodita quién es
de las tres la diosa más bonita?
Siempre A AFRO DI TA, A AFRO DI TATA
Por decir que es la que está más buena
Paris va a poder liarse con Helena, SIUUUU!
A AFRO DI TA, A AFRO DI TATA
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
You know my brother Ares, the god of War. He is tallest god in the Greek pantheon, towering over my father, Lord Poseidon, Lord Hades, Lord Adamas, Lord Apollo, lord Hermes and Lord Hephaestus. He has beautiful blonde hair that he inherited from father, and blue eyes like those of Lady Hera. Quite honestly, he looks better whenever he takes off his helmet. He is also generous enough to leave his very strong chest and arms visible for everyone…
They say that his spear is huge (haven’t been lucky enough to find out, however), but besides his muscles, it’s really his heart what it’s quite big. His brain eh…that’s another matter. He is a loyal and passionate god, always caring for his troops when he’s on a fight, which makes up for his lack of actual combat skill.
And of course, you know my sister, lady Aphrodite. (Yes, sister. Why do some mortals insist she is my father’s aunt?) Who doesn’t? She is well known across all realms after all. She is the tallest goddess of our pantheon, her beautiful blue eyes decorated her soft face, and her lovely blonde hair always has flowers on it. She wears all kinds of jewelry, her large…attributes barely covered by her clothing. One has to wonder how strong her back really is.
She is high and mighty. Do you know who’s always the top hottie? That’s right, it’s Aphrodite. The mortal prince Paris, after declaring such words, was able to score one with Helen of Sparta, which led to a small struggle known as the Trojan War.
Perhaps that’s why the saying says that “everything is fair in love and war”, and these two tend to be thought of as a couple of lovers. Of course, you are smart enough to realize that indeed, not everything has to be fair in love and war. There’s a reason many laws exist to prevent certain expressions of love and tactics to gain it to be manifested (because love can be twisted into something that’s everything but it) and why you stop certain acts during war. Humans know very well that the phrase is fake.
And it’s curious, because neither Aphrodite nor lord Ares are with each other. Sure, it would be expected. Even if they are brothers, such things have never stopped anyone in this pantheon or most of the others from getting together, has it?
Lady Aphrodite isn’t married to Lord Hephaestus either. It’s quite fake that he is a bad looking individual as well. Sure, he isn’t lord Apollo but do trust me: That doesn’t mean many gods and goddesses wouldn’t wish to enjoy his company.
Anyways, once again, lord Hephaestus wasn’t married to lady Aphrodite, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t a skilled black smith that built a net strong enough to catch two gods under it. But just how did the two Olympians end up in such a place? We shall discuss that.
It so happened that both of them found each other one day, while walking around Olympus
“Good morning, sister “Ares politely greeted. He never stared at her chest, for he was raised well…by his mother that is.
“Good morning, Ares “the goddess smiled. Back in those days, Aphrodite didn’t have her servants to help her with her humongous boobs, so she was all alone “what are you up too this morning, brother?”
“I am planning to go train with my troops later today” he wasn’t the best, yes, but he always took care of them and wanted to keep improving. And of course, part of his plans included hiding from Apollo as well, but that he wouldn’t say out loud “what are your plans for today, sister?”
Of course, Ares found her beautiful. A goddess like that would have many wishing to court her, and the god of war was not an exception. Maybe he could join her.
“Well, for starters, I wanted to see how my beauty salon is doing “the goddess had opened one, and no, she didn’t pay to advertise it here, but I do recommend going there, it’s got an amazing service for every kind of hair and skin known in heavens. You can tell her you read this story and get a discount! “And then…”
Aphrodite was going to continue, but she felt a sudden pain in the back and nearly fell to the floor. Ares gently grabbed her by the arm.
“Is everything alright?” He asked concerned.
The goddess nodded but sighed.
“My back tends to hurt quite a lot “she answered, and what caused it? Well….Aphrodite her breasts, Ares looked elsewhere “they are not quite easy to hold…”
What she had meant was for the god to ask if he could hold them, but Ares picked her up instead
“It’s better if you go rest, all right, sister?” He said.
The goddess couldn’t help but to giggle, her brother was such a gentleman, and she had to admit he was right
“I think Hephaestus’ room is the closest one here “ and he was out with the Shinto pantheon so he wouldn’t mind….
She was just going to rest. Ares couldn’t get any of her indiscreet looks, touches, or even when she told him more or less directly, so Aphrodite had given up. Still, she admitted that he was a pleasure to be around, even if she’d like some fun.
Ares carefully laid his sister on their brother’s bed, and that’s where their ordeal started.
See, just like you mortals may or may not know, it turned out that Hephaestus had set a net over it. Not to trap those two, of course. It was there because…. Well, that shall be revealed in a timely banner
The net landed on both gods, trapping Ares and Aphrodite as it tied strongly against the bed. The god of war ended in a position that most beings would have envied, and maybe he had thought of it once or twice, but in practice….
Getting your face trapped between Aphrodite’s colossal boobs was uncomfortable.
“Oh brother, you could have just asked” the goddess giggled, the god of war completely flustered
“SORRY, I DIDNT MEANT TO!” He swore and tried to get up, but to no avail
Frankly, it was also not easy for lady Aphrodite, as Ares is quite a big guy. But she is stronger than she looks, and it wasn’t like she had any complains about having the God’s muscular body pinned against her
The nets thankfully had an alarm system, which made Hermes show up-
The messenger god chuckled “oh Ares you beast, couldn’t you have used your own bed?”
Which only made the God’s face go red and him unable to even speak.
“Hermes dear, we have a problem” the goddess, on the other hand, was rather calm “we can’t seem to move. Can you please move the net away?”
“Hmm let’s see…” Hermes tried to pick it but found it impossible to move. The god ran to grab some scissors to cut it with, but they broke “oh dear…”
“FREE US!” Ares begged
Hermes went and brought Apollo with him, as his threads could be useful. Of course, Ares wasn’t happy
“GODS NO, GO AWAY APOLLO” he shrieked
“Oh hello, Apollo” Aphrodite smiled, just like the god did
“Why hello” Apollo smiled “are you sure you want to get the net away? I must say, I wouldn’t mind being in the same position of either of you”
Aphrodite only laughed, but Ares shivered
“GET US OUT OR GO AWAY!”
“Don’t worry, my godly friend! I will work hard to get this off!” with his threads, he tried to undo the net, but as talented, smart and handsome as lord Apollo is, it did not even move. He then tried to see if he could have it reversed, but once again, it didn’t work “…maybe we could see if Uncle Poseidon can undo it?”
But as much as Ares couldn’t stand his brother…” He wouldn’t want to be annoyed with this! Maybe uncle Adamas?”
“Oh, he is busy” Hermes knew what the god was up too currently, and he would need to go see his father later.
“Well, it is Hephaestus who built this, maybe he can set us free “Aphrodite thought “where is he?”
“I think he was off to help with a sword” Ares tried to remain still, for he was very embarrassed with his current prediction “a Shinto goddess came to ask for his help the other day”
“I will go bring him, then” Hermes could run and be in the place know as Japan in the blink of an eye, but Ares shrieked
“STAY HERE AND DON’T DARE TO LEAVE “He would rather not be left alone with Apollo under his current situation. It so happened that the sun god was indeed starring at Ares’ arms a bit to closely…but decided he could be more useful
“I can go!” Apollo offered “it is a nice place, and my horses will enjoy going for a run. Besides Amaterasu is a good friend of mine, she will have no issues allowing me in!”
“Very well, big brother “Hermes did decide it was better to let him, and off Apollo went “Do you two need anything while we wait?”
“Can you see if my salon is doing well?” of course, Aphrodite was worried, she had so many things to do.
.
Meanwhile, Apollo arrived to the far away land of Japan. See, the sun gods often take turns to see who carries the sun, as only one doing it can be quite boring. Ra had the turn now, as humans could tell as he made the sun scorch. That meant Amaterasu was indeed present.
She is a very beautiful goddess, with hair so long that it reaches her feet. Her long nails are a sign of her status of course. Her long kimono shows very nicely her beautiful body. As a sun goddess, she makes sure people know her domain: a scarf placed like a billowing cloud on her shoulders is a nice way to accompany her son tattoo. Of course, if you somehow missed all of it, her giant sun cap with the sun’s shape is a good.
The sun god bowed on her presence “Oh Amaretsu, you look as beautiful as always “ he greeted.
The sun goddess giggled. She was thankful that Tsukoyomi wasn’t present, or else he might have been unhappy with the Greek god. “What do I owe your visit to, Apollo?”
“Why, my brother Hephaestus is here, from what my godly friend Ares said” but Apollo forgot to ask which goddess came to fetch him
“Is he?” Amaretsu asked confused “I know he and Kanayagoshin are good friends, but I haven’t seen him around. In fact, I haven’t seen either of them here.”
Apollo was confused, but didn’t want to give up if Ares and Aphrodite needed his help “May I have your permission to search for my brother in your lands?” he asked
“You may “ the goddess answered. Apollo gave his farewells and went back to search for the smith god.
He didn’t have much luck, unfortunately, until a weird looking raven landed in his chariot. See, ravens are sacred to lord Apollo, and he knows them well. This one had three legs, which is already odd, but can be written off as some a birth defect. But this one also seemed to have thick cloud shaped eyebrows, and dark gray eyes a bit too big for it’s face…
“You are a god, aren’t you?” Apollo asked.
The crow laughed and soon it had turned into a tall, handsome, muscular man. His hair was blue with white strikes running along it, his eyes and eyebrows remaining the same. Like his sister, he wore a kimono, with a collar full of bones adorning his neck.
“You guessed it well” this raven, as you might have guessed, was Susano'o no Mikoto “Why are you flying so low, sun god? I take that this isn’t your turn to help my big sis with her duties.”
Under other circumstances, Apollo might have tried to flirt with him and see where that lead…
But he needed to help his siblings.
“I’m looking for my brother, Hephaestus “Apollo answered “Have you seen him?”
“I have!” the god chuckled. Apollo wondered if Amaretsu would get angry if he asked her little brother out…”do you need to leave him a message.”
“I need him to come with me, there’s a situation that requires his help” Apollo didn’t want to embarrass his siblings.
Susano’o put a hand on his chin and thought “well he is busy, but hopefully they are done by now. Follow me!” and so he turned back into a bird to fly away, with the sun god instructing his horses to follow him.
Apollo saw three humans leaving a cave. He couldn’t recognize them, but you might, as the three where members of the Tenka-Goken: Yasutsuna Hoki, Munechika Sanjo and Kunitsuna Awataguchi.
The bird was standing from a far, and once they left, turned back into the god. He tried to rush inside but was stopped by a beautiful goddess who grabbed him by the wings.
Her face was mostly hidden by a veil that only allowed for her lips to show. Her cleavage, however, was a different story…She used a huge collar, and a kimono to attest the pantheon she belonged to
“Let me see the sword, Kanayagoshin!” Susano'o pleaded, making the goddess giggle.
“Onikiri Ame-no-Murakumo is not wrapped yet, Susano'o” the goddess spoke, and she smiled to Apollo “who is your friend?”
Before either god could answer, Hephaestus came out of the cave. He is quite muscular, and of course, handsome one. The only of his brothers to sport a beard, black like his hair which he uses in four braids “Apollo! “Of course she smith God would recognize his brother. He brought the sword that the collective effort of the gods and humans had created…but you know that story, of course “What are you doing here, brother?”
The god quickly explained the situation, and after saying their goodbyes, they made the journey back to Greece.
“Now I just need to find an opponent worthy of this blade” Susano’o said cheerfully, once the Greeks were gone and he held the sword. Of course, finding such a being wouldn’t be easy.
“You better allow me to watch, we had to melt Ame-no-Murakumo to make it!” Kanayagoshin’s wish did come true, of course, for Ragnarok allowed the god to find Okita Souji, a human who was worthy of fighting against this sword…and he was appropriately nicknamed Demon Child, quite a fun coincidence.
.
Apollo finally arrived back with Hephaestus.
“By the fates, I hope those two aren’t too angry” the god couldn’t walk fast due to his limp, which even Apollo hadn’t been able to heal.
“In their place, I wouldn’t want to leave “Apollo chuckled, and the smith god laughed as well.
Hermes was waiting for them outside “I have tried everything, but nothing gets that thing off” of course, he had the smirk on his face after he had successfully achieved something “I did manage to grab this.”
The god showed a single golden coin. Hephaestus frowned.
“Well, that proves nothing!” he said as he walked to the bed where the other two were still trapped.
“Hephaestus, thank father!” Ares sighed in relief, as he was not comfortable with having spent the last hours trapped between Aphrodite’s breasts.
“Brother, you owe us an explanation” Aphrodite spoke calmly.
“Well, good afternoon to you two as well” grumbled the smith god “you shouldn’t get on other people’s bedrooms to fool around in the first place!”
“We weren’t!” Ares defended himself “Aphrodite’s back was aching!”
“And someone said my stone servants would be done by now! “Trust me, she is not one you want to anger.
“And I apologize, sister, but I was busy. I had a little project with some friends…” his brother Apollo had been so hurried that he didn’t ask, thankfully.
He simply grabbed the net and removed, see…”It recognizes my fingerprints and only I can pull it off” the god explained as both his siblings finally stretched out, but to Ares’ dismay, Apollo went to hug him “I wanted to test if it would be fast enough to catch Hermes before he could steal the golden coin hidden beneath my bed!”
Notes:
I want to try a more serious one like chapter 1, but haven't found the right myth
My rule is to stick to deities shown in canon
Chapter 5: Don't dance while you take care of your elephant headed son!
Summary:
Shiva takes care of his baby
Lyrics:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOBTx2lRQUA
Chapter Text
After lady Aphrodite opened her salon, every goddess in existence was invited to attend it, as she had her servants bring special discounts to them. (I have to say this was a great choice, as we all kept coming back to it).
Among these goddesses were Lord Shiva’s three wives. ‘How come he has three wives?’ Have you seen Lord Shiva? Three is a small number! It could be four if inter-pantheon marriage was allowed, trust me. Or even more, who knows?
He’s got cute, shaggy black hair. With four arms, he can hold the three with quite ease. His skin is light purple, which makes his four beautiful yellow eyes look even better. And thank the gods he doesn’t put on a shirt, so the everyone can see those muscles….
That means his wives are equally beautiful.
Lady Dhurga is the third wife, her long, dark brown hair and beautiful light brown skin do well with her red clothes. She is the fiercest of lord Shiva’s wives…usually
Lady Kali, the second wife, is the fiercest, if provoked, but otherwise she is a gentle soul. She has beautiful black hair that looks well with her blue light skin.
And the first wife is Parvati: she has beautiful, long eye lashes and light brown skin. She is the mother of lord Shiva’s son, Ganesha, the little boy who has an elephant’s head.
They all look clothes that leave little to the imagination, thankfully….
“A day in Aphrodite’s salon is what you need” Dhurga had declared: birthing a son with an elephant head hadn’t been an easy task, even if Parvati was a goddess
“We will just be gone for a couple of hours, darling “Kali held Parvati’s hand softly “you need it “
“Besides, I can take care of our boy for a couple of hours” Shiva was holding the baby carefully, who giggled in his arms. Their boy had yet to speak or walk, as he was only a few days old.
“All right…” Parvati relented. Even if cheerful and energetic most of the time, giving birth hadn’t been easy on her “we can leave some of the servants if you need them “
Of course, Shiva had lots of them, but he told most to accompany his wives
“Nah don’t worry, me and Ganesha will be fine! Maybe we could visit my pals “they’d yet to meet the baby
Kali giggled and kissed Ganesha’s forehead, and her son laughed “behave for your papa, all right?”
“Keep him out of trouble “Dhurga said, but looking at the baby and letting him grab one of her fingers with her trunk “your daddy can get q bit carried away if someone tries to fight “
“Hey, that’s… true!” Shiva chuckled, and the baby eagerly clapped.
“Just make sure he sleeps well “Parvati asked as their servants got their things ready for the trip. Shiva got their son near her, and she kissed his forehead softly
Soon the three had left, and the Hindu chief was left alone with his infant son
“Alright buddy, it’s just you and me “he said, still cradling him “you mom will be fine after she’s back”
Ganesha just stared at his dad and giggled again. Shiva thought he was the cutest little thing in the universe.
“We can have lots of fun! “But what could he do with his son? Shiva honestly had no idea; he didn’t have any parents, and mostly would hang out with Rudra when he was a kid
Rudra…. he really missed him.
And when he missed Rudra, he felt sad.
“Bababa” Ganesha did not understand but he didn’t like to see his dad sad…that or maybe he was trying to call Kingo, his father’s tiger, but since tigers are cats, of course this one was sleeping.
“You are right, maybe we should try to be a bit less sad!” His son was really smart
And when he felt sad, Shiva only wanted to do one thing: dance.
See, lord Shiva is more than a god of destruction (and it is just a coincidence that he’s purple, just like two other certain gods of destruction who look like two bald cats): he did achieve his dream of being the Nataraja, lord of dancing. Of course, if you’ve seen how he fights, you know that. In dancing, he is the best!
But Ganesha couldn’t dance yet, so Shiva would need to show him how it was done.
Of course the palace had a special dance floor, which was close to the training floor, as Shiva’s fighting style can be defined as a form of dancing. (He also does yoga from time to time, and even teaches it. I truly recommend his classes, even if you don’t like yoga, because well, the instructor is handsome …). This room overlooks his garden, beautiful and full of creatures.
Shiva brought some cushions for little Ganesha and sat the baby on them before starting to dance a bit, with the child giggling.
Ganesha of course wasn’t a common baby, as you might have already guessed. Why does he have an elephant head? Well, some pantheons simply tend to have gods with more animal-like features, such as the Egyptians and the Aztecs, and the Hindu as well.
Back to his handsome dad: you know Shiva. He is a cheerful guy, who does not even need music to dance, he can make his own rhythm. One so contagious, that he could even get a cow to dance…which he did, many times. And he gets a bit carried away while dancing, of course, and might not notice things around him.
Just like his baby had begun to walk. See, baby gods tend to do things faster than mortal babies. Of course, that doesn’t mean they do everything that humans believe they do, but they’re still different. And this baby wanted to dance with his dad
Who by accident, landed a kick right on Ganesha’s head. If you saw the finishing move he used against Raiden Tameemon, you can imagine a thing or two…
But in this particular scenario, thankfully all Shiva did was send the poor baby flying. Thankfully, he moved fast enough to catch the child before he fell to the floor, but Ganesha began to cry.
“Oh gods, oh gods, I’m sorry!” Shiva frankly apologized and tried to calm him down by gently cradling him, but it didn’t so much. He tried funny faces, showing him his favorite toys, let him try and grab his jewelry, but nothing was working.
The baby just kept crying, and Shiva, being a new father, was unsure of what to do.
“Shiva, what’s wrong with the kid?” Thankfully, it seemed that his friends had also planned to see him that day.
You have seen them, right, my dear mortal? If not, I will describe them to you.
While Rudra was lord Shiva’s best friend from childhood, he made others while climbing to the top.
There’s Indra, the hunter god, a strong, tall and handsome god with white hair and beautiful Brown skin covered in lightning like patterns who is always smoking a cigar.
“don’t tell me you already started to teach him how to fight “Vishnu is another one of lord Shiva’s friend, the god of preservation. A slender and young-looking man, with a strange facemask that covers his mouth, white haired as well. Don’t let his appearance fool you: he is a strong opponent…
Varuna, a blue skinned deity, is another god people tend to underestimate because of his small size. Those pointy teeth can give a nasty bite. He likes to wear a helmet and big golden rings as well
Brahma is a bald, muscular gold who adorns his body with bead necklaces and bracelets. He has a lotus flower on his forehead and wears a stern expression on his face all the time.
And lastly, there is Agni. He is by far the least human looking of lord Shiva’s friends: he does look humanoid, but he is the tallest of his pantheon. He has long, red hair and beard that resembles tongues of flame. He has rings of fire covering his extremely muscular upper body, which might remind you of a certain fired themed hero that appears in a popular manga from Japan. The shape of his face and mouth resemble a strange mask.
But of course, when your child has an elephant’s head, you really don’t think much of it. Specially if your baby is crying.
“I kicked him in the head! “Shiva was desperately trying to calm him
“I think that’s excessive for getting him to behave “Brahma could only pity the crying baby
“It was an accident! I was dancing!” And he hadn’t seen the baby begun to walk, otherwise he would have been more careful
“Calm down for a bit, I’m sure he isn’t that hurt” Vishnu’s words didn’t stop the baby’s crying, of course.
Indra light one of his cigarettes with a lightning strike “maybe this will calm the kiddo”
And he tried to give it to the crying baby. But hey, if that made his boy feel better, Shiva wouldn’t object…
“Are you an idiot?” Brahma smacked it from Indra’s hand “you can’t give cigarettes to a baby”
“You can’t?” the thunder god’s rarely seen eyes showed some confusion “that’s why my mother would do with me, and I grew up fine”
“I have never seen you without a cigar in your hand” Vishnu rolled his eyes. Now that he mentioned it, Shiva realized it was true.
“Yeah, maybe let’s try something else?” the four-armed god kept trying to sooth the baby, who cried just as loud.
“Hmm, sometimes Varuni will calm if I play with her…” it was still weird to think that Varuna was already a father by the time Shiva and Rudra had fought him and Agni. The fire god was not one to talk much and never had been.
Shiva held his son, and the blue skinned god began to make silly faces at him, while playing a game even mortals play with their children….
Varuna covered his face with his hands, “Where's the baby?” he asked, then put his hands away “there he is!”
Ganesha did stop crying, but he just stood there silently.
Like a baby watching a tiger. See, it was a good idea, really. But the god’s sharp eyes, pointy teeth and big helmet made him a scary sight for the infant.
“Aw, I think he finds it fun!” but the first-time parent was also clueless.
“Shiva, I’m not sure…”
But Varuna was still going with his idea, and covered his face again
“Where's the baby? There he is!” but the way he pointed his hands this time, made him seem like a sabretooth about to jump on a defenseless human child.
Of course, that made Ganesha begin to cry even louder.
“You are scaring him, you idiot!” Vishnu smacked Varuna’s head. That also made the child keep crying.
And, seeing he was a child with an elephant’s head, that also meant he could sound like a distressed elephant baby.
And if you know lord Shiva, you know he has a whole herd of them.
There was a slight shake that the gods felt, but they didn’t get worried.
See, elephants are intelligent, loyal, sensitive and smart creatures. Not only was it their friend’s child who was crying, but he also sounded even much more like one of their own children. They loved Shiva, Kali, Dhurga, Parvati, and the recent addition to their family, so they went to make sure the baby was okay.
The room was high enough that only their trunks could reach, except for those of the little ones, Hathi Jr, Rikki, Tiki and Tavi, who had to stay with their mothers.
“Maybe seeing the elephants will calm them” Brahma suggested “My children always love to play with animals”
“Won’t hurt to try” Shiva agreed. But it was Varuna that was hurting, for the smack still bothered him.
He did get close to his newborn, but he kept crying. The elephants seemed to want to see the baby, but just seeing them didn’t seem to calm Ganesha
“Hey Shiva, have you fed your boy already?” Agni asked. He did end recognizing that cry, and the way the elephant’s acted was another clue
“Ah…not yet “he admitted, and put one of his upper hands behind his body to scratch his head “damn it, Parvati left with all of our servants, what can I feed him…”
Ah right, some of the elephants had milk. And they were nice and gentle creatures so he wouldn’t mind sharing.
He held the mother of little Hathi Jr, Winnifred, with a lot of care with his two upper arms while he held Ganesha with his lower arms, and improvised a feeding bottle with a three-ton creature who didn’t seem to mind. Neither did the kid
The rest of the gods were unsure if the method was good, but hey, the baby wasn’t crying anymore.
And as the baby ate, a certain messenger god arrived.
“Hello, Lord Shiva” Hermes greeted, not quite seeing the whole scene as he was looking in his bag “Your wives send me here with some bottles for the- “but he did look up and was unsure of what to say.
“Please don’t say a word”
Notes:
sorry can't begin to express how I feel
I hope I at least brough a good chapter
Chapter 6: Apollo and Poseidon vied for her hand in marriage.
Summary:
Apollo and Poseidon try to ask for Hestia's hand in marriage
Notes:
Fueron Apolo y Poseidón
A pedirle matrimonio, que bombónlyrics from:https://youtu.be/0QgCtmf6Kyg?si=GECDLuimtdygE70a
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I will return with another story about my pantheon for a bit, before we move unto the others. My reasons are simple, dear mortal: the current fight between lord Loki and that human from Finland might be a good time for you to familiarize yourself with the trickster god, so for now, please see that time that my aunt Hestia rejected the two most handsome Olympians (as my uncle Hades doesn’t count as one that is )
Hestia is a simple, yet beautiful goddess. So beautiful that she’s forbidden me from describing her, so you don’t get any nasty ideas about her. She doesn’t like hanging around the rest of us that much…But she enjoys playing video games. Yes, we have video games. Just because it took you centuries to develop them, doesn’t mean that in heavens we didn’t enjoy such commodities.
Anyways…
Apollo and Poseidon went to ask for her hand in marriage, imagine what a hottie!
Do I have to remind you just how beautiful Lord Apollo is? I suppose I don’t.
But Lord Poseidon? The tyrant of the ocean is a handsome one, and there are reasons why he’s got plenty of lovers. You can find my aunt Demeter, Medusa and Alliope among them, for he even named one of his attacks after them. Mortals slander him saying they weren’t willing, unfortunately.
Blue eyes, just like the sea itself. He is tall and has a lean yet muscular body. Short, golden-blonde hair adorns his head. If you have seen a child who was made the son of lord Poseidon by the imagination of a mortal writer, it’s ironic how the version he made for television is more like lord Poseidon than the one born in the books.
He sports a yellow choker matches his hair quite nicely, and of course, his clothes are blue as well. It nicely lets you see his chest…
He is always carrying his trident around, even when he’s just going out to propose marriage to his sister.
But both Apollo and Poseidon had chosen different outfits for such an occasion: Apolo used a purple shirt, with a black jacket on top, while Poseidon had a blue shirt with a white jacket. Truly quite the sight, if you ask me.
“Uncle Poseidon! “Apollo greeted him when he saw the god on Olympus “what brings you here?”
He had brought his lyre to sing a beautiful song for his aunt and had Hermes holding a very beautiful sign asking for her hand.( It was in ancient Greek, so there’s no point trying to describe it to you, and the meaning makes no sense in whatever language you mortals are reading this in.)
Poseidon wasn’t one to talk much, but he thought it was clear: he had a huge bouquet of flowers on his hand, and had made sure that his servant, the god Proteus, only got the best flowers.
“You are really going to ask Hestia for her hand, brother?” Adamas, my other uncle and God of conquest answered Apollo’s question.
“Oh, you as well, Uncle Poseidon?” Apollo smiled, Poseidon only nodded “well, I wish you good luck!”
See? Lord Apollo is humble, and a deity who’s all but vain! I don’t know how you humans could ever think otherwise!
Lord Poseidon only looked at him and nodded, which a ‘likewise’ when coming from him.
“Oh dear, this will be interesting” Hermes chuckled.
“What will be interesting?” Ares, our other brother, had arrived as well. And he wasn’t happy to see Apollo near
“Uncle Poseidon and I will ask Aunt Hestia for her hand in marriage!” Apollo announced
“Kid, you’re losing your time “Adamas declared “she will choose Poseidon “
The other god didn’t even give a thanks
“I don’t know, uncle…” annoying as he was, Ares had to admit Apollo had a chance
“Maybe you should bet “Hermes suggested, all male gods going to her temple. He did make a bet with his brother and uncle as well, his other brother and uncle walked in front of them.
Aphrodite was busy visiting some dear friends of another distant pantheon, or else she would have been present for this. After all, it wasn’t always that she saw four newlyweds.
Both Apollo and Poseidon knocked on Hestia’s door, but there was no answer.
“Maybe she’s not home? “Ares thought
“Ares, she never leaves her house “Hermes reminded his brother.
“And I’m pretty sure I can hear her playing one of her video games “Adamas knew his sister well. He also knew that she would get pissed if anyone dared to interrupt her. The last servant who made her lose one ended up being transferred to Helheim and it’s still there
“Hmm, maybe let’s tell her form outside why we came here for, uncle, have her pic something from whoever she chooses” suggested Hermes” Apollo suggested, and he took his lyre out “want to go first?”
Poseidon nodded, he even had some apples to throw at her, but it looked like he would have to wait.
“Lady Hestia…” he began, and knelt with the bouquet on his hand, even if she couldn’t see. While not a god of many words, Poseidon can be quite charming when he wants. Apollo knew this, he tried to distract himself by focusing on his aunt’s beauty “your beauty truly burns like the flames you guard on every mortal’s house. No other goddess has the charm of bringing joy to others with just her presence, with such warmth that even the mightiest of the gods always return to your fires. You have charmed this tyrant’s heart, and I would be honored if you become my wife, to rule the ocean at my side “he left the bouquet and the apple on her doorstep, before standing up.
He glared at Apollo “Your turn, nephew”
“Uncle, that was beautiful!” Apollo cheered on him “It won’t be easy to beat…”
But he brought his lyre, and Hermes still held the sign. You know Apollo, he is a fan of catchy songs, so of course he had to make a proposal than used one. He began to play his lyre before singing
“Oh, lady aunt, my dear Hestia
You are the first and last and every feast
Who I first think when I rise from the east”
Poseidon raised an eyebrow: his nephew had a beautiful voice, known to charm anyone who heard it. He knew Apollo was a difficult opponent…
I might give the humans light,
But you make me smile bright,
For you are a lovely sight,
And seeing you is always a delight
I am the sun,
By you I was stun
And my heart you won
So let’s be forever one”
And so, Apollo laid his lyre down and the sign.
“Not bad, nephew” and if you know Poseidon, that was pretty much a smile. Unless you are our uncle, lord Hades.
But Hestia didn’t come out.
In fact, a phone was heard buzzing…
And Hermes looked at it
“Aunt Hestia is asking you to leave her alone” Hermes informed the gods
“You have her number?” Adamas asked, surprised. He didn’t, neither did Poseidon, Ares, and Apollo
“Well, Hermes is her favorite nephew” the god of war recalled. All the gods had one, and in some cases, it wasn’t that much of a secret.
And that was clear
“What are you doing?” a curious god asked. Of course, this god looked a bit different from when he beat your father to death.
See, my father, lord Zeus…okay, I know I said incest doesn’t bother us gods, but we all have limits, don’t we? Let’s just leave it like this: there is a reason why Olympus is full of gods who aren’t lady Hera’s children.
Back in his youth, father was not the old men you know. He was tall, a bit more than Ares. He had blonde hair, a bit like Ares’. He was muscled like a maiden’s fantasy…and that’s all I will tell! His clothes have remained pretty much the same, except he didn’t use a cane for walking back then.
“These two are trying to see if Hestia will marry them” Adamas answered. He wasn’t quite fond of his youngest brother. Isn’t it funny how circumstances change? Now they are the only brother each other has…
“And you didn’t call me? I was getting bored with all that paperwork!” Zeus complained. See, after the gigantomachia, there weren’t many fights, so father was looking for any little thing that could bring some fun to his life. That included seeing who his older sister would marry “Who did she pick?”
“None of them” Hermes answered
“NONE?” he asked angrily. Not even Ares was afraid, that was common in his father
“Well, uncle Poseidon and I left gifts for her, but she texted Hermes to tell us to leave her alone” and neither god wished to bother her anymore, at least for the day “maybe asking her out on a date would be a better idea, right, uncle?” he could show her the beauties of the sky, and well, Poseidon could show her the beauties of the sea.
The Tyrant of the Ocean nodded in agreement
“But where’s the fun in that?” Zeus groaned in complaints, “Hermes, go fetch a red rose!”
The messenger god sighed and left running, returning with one he had stolen from lady Aphrodite’s Garden.
That tradition was later adopted by mortals. In your case, of course, it was successful
“Here you go, father” Hermes would later have to explain himself to his sister, but for now, he wanted to see where this was going.
“I’m giving her this rose, and she will give it to whoever she chooses!” Zeus declared
“Father, I don’t think that’s a good idea” and when Ares of all people says that, trust me, you need to listen “Aunt Hestia told us to leave her alone”
“Oh, shut up” Zeus rolled his eyes “well, I will go bring her out!” the thunder bringer declared and simply tore the temple’s door out
“Father.” Apollo was going to stop him, but Poseidon put his trident in front of him
“Let him learn, nephew” Poseidon was a god of few words, he believed that actions did much more…and this was going to be a good lesson for Zeus.
See, Hestia is the eldest of the Olympians. Not just of the daughters of Kronos and Rhea, but the even older than my uncle Hades, the eldest son.
This means she is not only beautiful, but also strong. And when she says leave her alone, you leave her alone.
Now, no one actually knows quite what went inside the temple, or what game she was playing, but it might have been the case where Zeus accidentally made her lose against a particularly strong video game boss. And it made her angry, very angry.
You have seen how strong my father is; even gods from other pantheons, chief gods, know better than to try and challenge him. There are few beings who would dare to do much than just talk him down.
See, soon after hearing angry screams inside the temple, my brothers and uncles had to avoid my father from falling on top of them. Hestia had easily tossed him, like one tossed a cat (don’t do that, it is cruel).
“Change of plans…” Zeus groaned as he stood up, a slap of a flaming hand showing across his face “By my head, I swear that no one shall marry, touch, kiss or do anything with Hestia”
And he decided it was better to just leave.
Adamas couldn’t help but laugh. Ares and Hermes starred at their father, while Apollo and Poseidon looked at the temple
“Well, guess we can’t marry her” Apollo sighed, but had an idea “why don’t we marry each other, Uncle Poseidon?”
The god glared at his nephew, and did look up for a second, but shook his head in the end “you aren’t quite my type, Apollo” And he decided it best to go for his second option and ask for Lady Amphitrite’s hand
“I see” Apollo thought for a second “Ares, will you- “
He hadn’t even finished, but the god of War had moved faster than any other being had and left to hide himself
“help me choose which muse to marry?“he turned around to see his brother was already gone “huh, we did he go?”
“Oh, he didn’t want to pay our bet” Hermes lied, for he had won as he knew Hestia wouldn’t choice either of them.
“What a shame…” Apollo sighed “my muses are all so lovely and pretty, I don’t want to choose among them”
And unfortunately, he decided to remain unmarried. My sisters and I still debate who would Ares had chosen, out of the nine of us. I hope you say he would have told Lord Apollo to marry me!
Notes:
I will add a picture of the narrator next chapter
Sooo anyways:which of the two would you marry? Apollo or Poseidon?
Can't say neither, only Hestia can!
Chapter 7: Yes, I'm the beautiful author of these stories
Summary:
Just a glimpse of Clio
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Greetings, my dear mortals
I hope that you are enjoying my tales so far. You haven't seen me yet, so I thought it would be a good idea to let you do so.
My name is Clio, muse of history. This is why I saw it appropiate to show you the stories of our gods, as well as the story of Alcides (but I wrote that one aside, as it was deserving of it's own book)
I granted this mortal permission to post my stories here, so please, enjoy them!
Notes:
No official colors for the women that were with Apollo in the pool, or names, so I like to imagine they're the muses
Also I think they might have a similar hair color
Chapter 8: Lokrur
Summary:
Utgard-Loki gets three visitors
Lyrics from this translation:
https://youtu.be/e-cWnEtEjGM?si=AgavL3imdDWv1Ekp
Notes:
Junto con loki, más viajes realizo
Marchan a Jötunheim para sembrar terror
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
You might have heard Utgard-Loki, the ruler of Utgard castle. He is quite a clever, and handsome giant, who caused trouble to a son of Frey, at least in the imagination set by a mortal author. Eyes that are totally light blue, long white hair, taller than every single god (well, as giants are of course) and doesn’t bother to cover his chest, thankfully.
He was said to be strong, stronger than any other giant…so of course, Thor set to look for him. For you see, he was always looking for a good opponent…bah, I’ve mentioned it before.
For simplicity’s sake, let’s call the giant simply as Utgard.
Thor announced his intentions, and the rest of the gods decided it was a good idea. Lord Odin’s ravens made the matter known, but of course, with a condition
“Take Loki with you!” Said the black raven
“Or else he will cause a lot of mischief around!” Said the white raven
“All right all right, I will go “Loki wanted to see if he could learn a new trick to make the Valkyrie Brunhilde smile again, for the arrest of her boyfriend, who slayed an innocent dragon, made her quite upset
Forsetti, Lord Thor’s nephew, sighed in relief.
“And take Forsetti too!” Both ravens exclaimed
“Eh, why me?” He wanted to complain, but a glare for his grandfather had him follow the gods without protesting more.
See, he is not precisely what Norse gods hold as an ideal: the white-haired god isn’t athletic, doesn’t know how to fight, and without his glasses, he is practically blind. His clothes also make him look like a judge, and being the god of peace, well, doesn’t make him stand out well.
“So, are we taking the goats?” Loki asked, and Thor simply nodded
“Are the three of us going to fit?” Forsetti asked, then realized something else “hey, aren’t we going to bring provisions? Besides mead, of course “
Loki chuckled “ah kid, just get in”.
Poor Forsetti felt that he was being squeezed, as Thor’s Mjolnir had priority over him. Of course, it is not that he minded.
See, the Norse might be less kin of incest than my pantheon is, but Forsetti…well, after being saved by his uncle from getting to eat by giants, he came to admire the thunder god a lot. Quite a lot. He is what mortals might call a fanboy, or more precisely, a groupie (or at least an attempt of one). Of course, Thor probably doesn’t even know his name in the first place.
And off they marched to Jotunheim, to spread some fear. Of course, magical flying goats aren’t instantaneous, so when they arrived there, it was already too late and everything was dark, and with the snow, it was not possible to travel much.
Loki used some magic to make a fire, and each soon had mead, but….
“What are we going to eat?” Forsetti asked. Thor pointed to Tanngrisnir and Tanngnjóstr, and the peace god, who would usually not have protested his uncle, shrieked in horror “aren’t they your friends?” After all, those goats always accompanied his uncle
“Of course they are, but they taste rather well” see, Thor and Loki tended to travel together. And Loki had his methods to ensure provisions:
His ring could produce perfect copies of everything he touched, so he gave both goats a pat on their heads before he made copies of them.
Then he cut the copies’ throats “help me butcher them” but Forsetti had ran off to throw up, even if the cold of Jotunheim wasn’t the best for him.
Mortals often think that Thor would revive them with his magic or using Mjolnir. Do trust me; Mjolnir is the last weapon that could give anything life in the first place.
Loki roasted the goat copies, while the originals slept close by. He had spices he had gotten from the Hindu pantheon, which always helped to make the goat taste better…but even he could get tired of it.
“Gods, this is burning my tongue!” Of course, Forsetti couldn’t handle it very well. Thor simply ate in silence.
“By the norns, I’m a bit tired of eating goat meat “Loki didn’t finish it all, packing the remains and throwing the bones into the fire, which promptly consumed it all.
Thor drank some of the mead they had brought but still felt thirsty.
They found a cave to sleep in, thankfully, and it was a warm one as well. Strange, seeing it was Jotunheim…
“This could be a trap” Forsetti insisted, it didn’t make any sense: there was no cave there when they arrived. “Maybe we should go elsewhere”
But Loki laughed, and Thor just glared at him
“There’s nothing to worry about in here…” Loki had cloned himself, unbeknownst to Forsetti, and the copy was behind the younger god.
See, of course Loki can copy himself. I mean, you should have figured it out: he’s got green hair, he IS a Loki. And everyone knows Loki can copy himself!
Except for Simo Hayha, but that man is a fast learner.
“Except for me!” the copy said, and Forsetti once again, and perhaps unwisely, ran away. Then he realized that God eating giants would be living nearby, and just as fast as he ran, he returned.
Of course, Thor wasn’t amused. He just wanted to sleep and dreamed about an epic battle that he could fight against Utgard.
So off to sleep the three went...until loud snoring woke them
“Loki, shut up…” Thor grumbled.
“Cuz, which wasn’t me…” Loki yawned
Forsetti knew better than running off again, so he just went closer to Thor in fear, but backed away after a glare from his uncle. But the god felt a bit of movement behind the cave…
“It’s a giant…there’s a giant!” he knew Thor could handle it, and Loki too, but almost being the meal of one didn’t help him
The thunderer simply grabbed Mjolnir, and with all his might, struck the walls. Amazingly, they didn’t shatter, and the sleepy giant even spoke
“Five more minutes, mama…”
Forsetti’s skin was now the same color as his hair, pale with fear “It…it survived a hit from Mjolnir…”
Thor was amused, and once again, gave the giant a strike with Mjolnir…only to be met with a complain
“Fine, fine, I will go, mama…”
Forsetti’s soul had nearly gone to Niffelheim at that point, but Thor? Thor couldn’t be more excited
“We aren’t getting anymore sleep, aren’t we?” Loki sighed, but his stomach grumbled “eh, maybe the giants will have something to eat…”
And they stepped out of the cave, now that there was some light outside. As they did, it was Forsetti who noticed something, and screamed
“IT WAS A MITTEN!” he fell to his knees, nearly crying “WE SLEPT IN GIANT’S MITTEN!”
The older gods paid it no mind “oh hey look, there are some rocks behind it. Wonder how the giant could sleep on them, “said a puzzled Loki.
“Get up” Thor told his nephew “Father won’t like it if I don’t return with you”
And that meant having to go with even more giants…of course the god was terrified, but he didn’t want to disappoint his uncle either.
The palace was huge: just the door was as tall as the palace in Asgard. Thor wanted to simply throw Mjolnir at it, but it was Utgard himself who opened as he stood there with all his court, and Forsetti hid behind his uncle and Loki. Now the thunderer was really eager to smash him with his hammer: if that giant near his lands could resist two blows from Mjolnir, then their leader would be even more powerful.
But the giant himself held his hand in front, and spoke “Stop “Utgard said “I heard rumors that you were here…state, prince of Asgard, what brings you to my home?”
Now, Thor would have just thrown Mjolnir as usual, but he wondered what had the giant ask such a question “I wish to battle you”
The giant laughed “I heard tales of your deeds with some of my people…the dumb and weak ones, that is. Frankly, I wouldn’t lose time dealing with you”
“how dare you!” it wasn’t Thor who spoke, but Forsetti, to the surprise of both Thor and Loki “Lord Thor slayed every giant who dared to set a foot on Asgard, so how him the respect he deserves”
“Forsetti, cuz, they could kill you and serve you for breakfast” Loki mumbled. He and Thor could save him, of course, but it was still unwise
And that’s how his temporary bravery left.
But the giant laughed “Ah, the All-Father’s grandson, I see…But I have to say, you bear no resemblance to him” unlike the red headed god “You are funny, child. Well, as for your uncle…. if you wish to beat me and my companions, you will have to prove us that your fame is not a buzz”
“How dar-“Forsetti was still not happy, but his uncle stopped him
“As you wish” Thor declared, and Forsetti decided to keep his mouth shut.
The first task made Thor think they were mocking him: he would need to beat an old lady, using only the strength of his body, without Mjolnir.
“Can you help me with my psalms?” the giantess looked so frail, that Loki thought even a breeze could kill her
She was a giantess, but she looked rather sweet. Still, Thor was to angry to even try to reason, and he just wished to be done with the test already.
“I won’t apologize if your old nurse dies at my hand” Thor hissed, and tried to tackle her, but the woman wouldn’t even move. He tried punching her, but the old lady just laughed.
“Hello, Joe!” she smiled, and pushed Thor a bit too hard, making him fall to the floor. He clumsily had to get back up. Forsetti and Loki were both unsure of what to even say, and all giants present laughed.
“Forgive her, she has gone senile” Utgard sighed “I expected more from you, thunderer”
Thor was angry, and was about to flung Mjolnir…
“Maybe you need to eat a bit” Utgard suggested
“I’m just thirsty “he mumbled
“But I’m indeed hungry…just don’t give me any goat, or pork” Loki could eat anything, but he didn't trust any pork meat the giants could offer
“Ah, see, for us giants, how much someone can eat, and drink prove their strength” said the giant.
Both Thor and Loki did enthusiastically accept the challenge.
Utgard snapped his fingers, and a servant brought for a drinking horn as large as the red head god himself
“Here, great thunderer. Let’s see if you can finish it all” the giant looked unamused.
Thor was quite thirsty, so it was a welcome sight. Forsetti did admit he would have liked that test too: the goat meat had nearly melted his tongue.
Thor took a big gulp and thought he would be done soon. Unfortunately, it was water, not beer.. He took another gulp, but strangely, he couldn’t feel the horn become light. He took a third, and it weighted the same. And a fourth, a fifth…a twentieth…but there was still water. And with his next gulp, he threw the horn which Utgard caught.
“I’ve already quenched my thirst…”the god decided
“With so little?” the giant asked, surprised. He grabbed Loki by the neck of his shirt and sat him in a table “well, we have preferred a fest for your good cousin, and my cook, Logi, has decided he wants to see if his giant blood runs deep through his veins. I wonder who will eat more!”
The cook was a fat giant, dressed in all black, who grinned at the god, but didn’t say a word
“I will!” Loki declared.
See, the green haired god can fit a lot of things in his mouth, such as a watermelon. So he began to devour all sorts of foods: bread, corn, pies, sweets, lobster, shrimp, fish, clams, chicken legs and meat. Of course, with the meats and seafood, he wouldn’t touch the bones or the nonedible bits : but the cook did. The trickster had soon devoured more plates than he could count, and just decided to lay on the side.
“I…I’m so full…”he touched his stomach. To his surprise, the cook not only kept eating, but had soon even gone for the bones
“Tch, what a disappointment…”Utgard sighed, and next picked Forsetti, who panicked like the blond child from a manga about giants who ate people (see, it’s the Norse who inspired such a story)
“HELP! HELP!” He cried, but his uncle and cousin only starred.
“Relax, boy” the giant rolled his eyes as he walked to the courtyard, and put him next to another giant “I don’t enjoy the taste of gods…tell me, can you run?” but the boy was barely conscious.
“Ha!” it was Loki who answered “He is either running away from my pranks, or trying to get me for one I pulled! Sure he can!”
“Then he most racee my own nephew, Hugi“ the giant declared “he is a bit slow when it comes to running, and would like it if someone at least valued him enough to try and challenge him”
Thor glared at his nephew “don’t disappoint me”
This was enough to make Forsetti regain his consciousness. The young god then looked at the giant “all right…”
Utgard had his servant mark the finishing line.
Forsetti ran, faster than he ever had. He wasn’t the most fast god, but his uncle wanted to see him win, so he would win. He wanted to make him proud, he….
Saw that his opponent was already in the finishing line. He had failed, the giants and Loki were laughing at him…and soon felt some electricity shocking him
“I will run against your nephew” It was his uncle “Forsetti isn’t faster than I am”
“Very well” The same conditions were set. The race started…and Thor was in the finishing line.
Of course, as you might know, this wasn’t because Thor was fast: he can simply teleport. Not that he does if often, as the thunder god feels it makes his fights less interested.
The giants starred in awe, and then Utgard called for a tabby cat. Of course, as this was a giant’s cat, it was taller than the gods, and quite fat
“This is Jorm” Jorm meowed “Jorm, sit” and the cat obeyed.
“So?” Thor asked, unamused
“He is quite a big cat, even I have trouble picking him from time to time” Utgard spoke “see if you can lift it”
The cat purred and went to rub itself against Thor. The simply grabbed the feline, and for good measure, send it flying through the sky. Don’t worry, cats always land on their feet. Thor tried to see where it could go, along with the cat’s owner and the other two gods. Curiously an eagle flew by…
The giants were suddenly very quiet.
“Ah, he knows the way back” Utgard said as he looked up “I take that you aren’t a fan of cats…”
Thor didn’t answer, of course.
“Now for the next…” but before he could finish, Thor grabbed his hammer
“Enough of this” he hissed “I came here to fight!”
And he swung it towards Utgard, but it didn’t hit. It was only fog.
“He is gone!” Forsetti observed.
Thor was puzzled, and angry. He tried to hit the other giants, but every time he swung his hammer, it was the same result.
The only one left was a servant, who had dropped to his knees as he had been unable to flee.
“Mercy, please!” he begged, and Thor easily grabbed him, as he is the strongest of the Norse gods.
“I would begin to speak, if I was you” Loki hadn’t bothered to get up
“Yes! Tell Lord Thor what is the meaning of this!” Forsetti demanded to know as well “where is everyone?”
The giant gulped “I’m just a humble servant…it was my master’s doing. All those trials…they scared us!”
“Scared you?” Forsetti asked, still puzzled
“S-see, the cat lord Thor threw wasn’t a cat: it was Jörmungandr…and that horn contained the sea!” the servant gulped, seeing the thunderer’s angry eyes “a-and Loki went against fire itself…T-the old woman…she was death in person!”
For you see, not even gods can beat her…
“Why did you set such tricks? ”Forsetti demanded to know
“My master went to spy on you yesterday, pretending to be asleep to see how strong were you” he spoke, still scared “had he not put those mountains between his glove and himself, he would have died. So he wanted to discourage you, and using his magic…”
But Thor had enough, and with his hammer, smashed the servant’s head. Being cheated of a fight angered him, and thus, lightning fell on Jotunheim for weeks
Utgard got away safely and did tell a different version of the story. Unfortunately, no one ever knew who Hugi was, if he really was a giant, or another of the giants’ tricks. That, of course, did upset Forsetti.
Notes:
Loki lucho contra el fuego
Thor casi se bebe el mar
Ese gato es Jörmungarder
Y la vieja es la muerte
Chapter 9: Orpheus and Eurydice
Summary:
Orpheus tries to rescue Eurydice
Notes:
Not a DLH song, this time, it's from Hades. Orpheus and Eurydice were borrowed from there.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I don’t tend to write much about humans. That is usually Calliope’s duty. Sure, I wrote about Alcides, but he was a demigod, thanks to the ambrosia. And, unlike what mortals think, Orpheus was no demigod. (Much less the son of my sister)
Yet he was a skilled musician. I frankly can’t tell who his parents were, as they were simply mortals who weren’t important in any way. His talent was unique, so it’s understandable to believe it was due to divine intervention.
Music was his life: he lived to play the lyre, to make more songs. He spend hours playing for many courts of kings through all of Greece, in Creta, and even Troy. Black curled hair, skin kissed by the sun (not by lord Apollo himself, tho he did enjoy listening to his melodies) and green eyes who showed how happy his owner was.
He could even travel on foot to wherever he needed to go. Now, in the ancient days, and even in your rotten, modern human world, this isn’t particularly safe: back then, monsters, thieves and the like roamed through Greece. Orpheus wasn’t a skilled warrior, so how come he could do this?
The answer was simple, his music. No beast, divine or mortal, could resist it. Whether it helped cheer their sullen mood or made them fall asleep, they would let him be. He was even brought along by the argonauts, which proved to be wise as Jason was a fool who would have otherwise made them all fall to their doom.
Human thieves, whenever they encountered the musician, would quickly find themselves dancing along to his songs and inviting Orpheus to their lairs for parties. He was the first to find something that the modern-day humans in the lands of the Aztecs do with their drug overlords: making them their own songs meant the bandits felt accomplished.
And Orpheus didn’t care much for the gold and jewels he carried, so he would often gift them to these men as well.
All through, he was a happy man.
And he became happier the day he met Eurydice. Oh, what a beautiful woman she was… (not a nymph, a nymph wouldn’t have allow herself to be wooed by a mortal man).
Dressed in vibrant hues and oak leaves, her beautiful brown hair tied in a bun, with hazel eyes, oak leaves earrings, and clothes she liked to make herself, this lady was always barefoot, a singer in Delphi who cheered the festivals, and one of the humans who was there when Python helped to build the place. (Whoever told you Python was an evil snake, is a liar! He is a sweetheart and a good friend of lord Apollo…ok, I suspect more than just a friend)
Her songs were beautiful, and cheerful. Lord Apollo himself had complimented her voice. Of course, Orpheus fell in love with her at first sight and asked for her hand in marriage. The giggling woman, captivated by his courage, his merry ways and his songs, accepted.
Few married couples have been as happy as and in love as those two. Perhaps just the first humans, Adam and Eve, were even happier than them.
Orpheus and Eurydice travelled together, and of course, whenever they went, everyone stopped what they were doing to listen to their songs. Orpheus didn’t think there was ever a way that he could be happier….
And the happier you are, the more you love a person, the worse it is to lose them.
See, women in Ancient Greece had another thing to worry about: satyrs. These beings are male nature spirits, with goat legs, horns, and the upper torso of a male human, are not beings any woman would want to run across.
Eurydice loved to collect leaves of trees for her clothes, and this is how a satyr, whose name I refuse to write, found her.
She ran, knowing what the monster would do to her. Unlike her husband, she either didn’t know that music could calm the pursuer or was afraid it would make things worse. Eurydice couldn’t see where she was going, and fell into a viper nest.
Do I have to tell you what happened? It was thankfully quick, and the satyr left.
Orpheus found her body there and crumbled in tears. He used his lyre to make a song that made the vipers move away.
“Eurydice! My love, please wake up!” He cried as he held her lifeless body in his arms “wake up! Please!”
But of course, she didn’t. She was long gone, her soul having departed already to the heavens.
Orpheus didn’t leave her body and mournfully began to play a sad song. Every creature around that heard it wept ants, butterflies, the vipers, birds, mice….
And a goddess.
Now, you have to know that us gods and goddesses like to travel around pantheons, not necessarily sticking to one. Only our duties may be settled on the place we care for, but otherwise, we are free to move around heavens.
And the chief of the Shinto pantheon had happened to be coming over to the Greek pantheon. I can’t recall if it was for lady Aphrodite’s beauty salon, or to see lord Apollo. But still, she has busted into tears upon hearing the song, and came down from the heavens to find its source.
This was a very beautiful goddess, with hair so long that it reaches her feet. She wore long nails, a clear sign of her status. Her clothes, which a Greek would find odd, shows very nicely her beautiful body. You could easily tell her domain: a scarf placed like a billowing cloud on her shoulders accompanied her sun tattoo.
“Why are you singing such a sad melody?” She managed to ask between sobs.
Orpheus turned to see that she had a her sun cap in her head as well. In other circumstances, he would have questioned her appearance, but in this…
He couldn’t stop crying, still holding his wife as he sang. And this gave Amaterasu a good guess of what had him this way.
She would have liked to kept going on her way, but her heart shattered and she needed to at least give him advice. She knelt down and put a hand on Orpheus’ shoulder
“Crying and making the whole world accompany you won’t bring her back “she said, still with tears on her eyes” Talk to your gods. Your song will make anyone’s heart soft “
And on her way she was, still red eyed.
But see, the beautiful goddess forgot something: humans didn’t know where souls went. And Orpheus assumed it was lord Hades he needed to talk with. Only one human has gone there, and he hadn’t even been born back then.
With his songs, he found where he thought he needed to go: his people knew it as the Hades. Us gods know it as Helheim.
Few mortals would have even thought of going there. But this was a man who wanted his love back. Orpheus, with his lyre, had played it to nymphs who roamed near there, and they, crying, opened the entrance.
Of course, a huge, three headed dog was waiting for him there. Each head had three sets of eyes. This dog was used to prevent those vanished to Helheim from escaping the underworld. It was as huge as three male African elephants standing on top of each other. Try picturing a full black Dobermann, with the pointy ears that humans for some reason insist these dogs should have, although Cerberus was born like this. It had sharp teeth as long as swords.
Other humans would have just ran away at the sight. But not Orpheus. Cerberus starred at him, and lowered all three heads before growling at the musician.
“I need an audience with lord Hades…” he mumbled. The dog, of course, was confused, and tried to bite him, but Orpheus had begun playing the lyre
“ Loves In your life Live ever on
Home Is not where you live But who cares when you’re gone
They’ll follow you to The beyond”
The dog’s three heads began to whimper, and went to cry away in a corner, allowing Orpheus to pass. He would have preferred to be played a lullaby to sleep, as three headed dogs have such a weakness, as a certain British semi giant might be able to tell you. (Of course, that’s before realizing he shouldn’t have said it)
But he hadn’t even stepped fully inside, when another dog greeted him.
Well, perhaps god it’s not the right word for it: a jackal might be the word I’m looking for. See, while you might have expected Charon to take people across the Styx, let’s just say that’s not the case.
That god of funeral rites, a young god known as Anubis, was reporting to Helheim for his duties. See, underworld gods all work together, but some spend time on heaven. And this was his case.
He has dark skin, beautiful golden eyes, and doesn’t bother to put on anything to cover his torso, thankfully. His long claws and fangs are proof of his jack side. So does his sense of smell, and he was busy sniffing the musician
Orpheus was too sad to even care “are you a god, by chance ?” That’s all he wanted to hear
“Yes! I am, I’m Anubis!” He answered cheerfully “you smell sweet! Are you a human ?”
The scent was the best for Anubis. It was the sweet, thick scent of death…
“I need to bring my wife back, please” Orpheus pleaded, and was about to play a song, but Anubis, ever energetic, interrupted him
“Your wife is dead? “ wait, then why was he there? All that place had was demons. But Anubis liked the smell and didn’t want the human to go “Hades can help you!”
Orpheus’ face lightened up
“My lord, will you be kind enough to guide me there ?” He begged “I don’t have much to offer, just my gold, and a song “
“A song ?” Why did he want a song ?
But Orpheus began to play his lyre again
“Good riddance
To all the thieves
To all the fools that stifled me
They’ve come and gone
And passed me by
Good riddance
To all”
“I will take you to Hades’ palace!” Anubis agreed. He liked the song, and so did the demons in Helheim, who danced along with them.
It was a fortune that Orpheus didn’t pay them any attention, or their odd appearances might have confused him.
“And what is your wife’s name? How did she die? Was she nice ? Do you love her ? How long where you married ? Does she like dogs ? Dogs are better than cats if you ask me, cats suck! Bastet thinks she’s is so great but I’m better !” Anubis was talkative, and didn’t take offense to Orpheus simply singing and taking his time to answer the questions. Longing for Eurydice, he was happy to remember why he was there, to rescue the love of his mortal life. “I don’t have a wife, or a girlfriend, but I would like to have one! I would like a cute girl with fair skin, deep blue eyes, a mischievous, lopsided smile, and caramel hair “ he looked away dreamily, and wondered if such a girl could even exist.
“And what about her personality, my lord ?” Orpheus dared to ask, as he kept playing his lyre
“Ah yes, personality! Hmm…sarcastic, rebellious, mischievous, headstrong, and with a sharp tongue! Someone who isn’t afraid of breaking rules, but also caring and kind…and loves dogs! More than cats of course! “ that was his dream girl.
“I hope you find a girl like her, my Lord “ Orpheus said shyly
In the distance, through a rather unpleasant view and path, they saw the palace, and walked inside. Well, more like Anubis ran inside, in all fours, as usual when he is excited, and looked for the ruler of Helheim.
“Hades! Hades! I brought uh…” wait, Anubis forgot to ask for the human’s name “I brought him! Oh, hi, Beelzebub…”
The demon lived there was well and was playing a checkers match against lord Hades’ cockatoo.
Lord Hades is the most handsome of his brothers. He is a tall man, who you will sometimes see wearing an eyepatch on his left eye, which shines blue on the middle. Don’t ask why he uses it, because no one quite knows the reason except for himself. He has short, but quite stylish silver-white hair, which he fixed to make sure it spikes a bit. Like some of my brothers, he has a tattoo on his body: a pattern of laurel leaves over his right eye brow. A spiked choker adorns his neck, and his left ear has what you humans know as piercings.
He wears long, white pants that don’t leave much to the imagination of both men and women and tends to dress in quite extravagant yet elegant outfits, with his nails painted black.
Not quite what Orpheus expected of Hades: he had pictured a man with a stern face, long beard and black hair equally long, such as the statues that depicted him.
He also didn’t expect lord Hades’ companion. See, Beelzebub is also not what one would expect of a demon, ever youthful looking and handsome. His hair is black, a bit unkept and messy, but it suits him. His eyes have a deep red color. His clothes are, quite ironically, akin to those you mortals have seen in Catholic priests, save for the two round decorations on his neck that resemble fly eyes, very fit for his name. After all, this is the Lord of the Flies…
“A human? What are you doing in my palace?” Asked a puzzled Hades. The cockatoo chirped.
Orpheus had knelt, the smart thing to do when you have an audience with any god
“My lord, I lost my wife…” saying so hurt him, his voice barely able to speak, breaking down in tears and sobbing “please, I want her back.”
Hades sighed. He wasn’t precisely sure as to why humans believed he was responsible for their souls. Beelzebub glared at the human: how dared he to interrupt lord Hades? But he wasn’t speaking, for he wasn’t the ruler of Helheim.
“I’m sorry for you loss, I truly am” the king spoke “but I can’t give her back”
“I will stay in her place if I most” Orpheus begged. Beelzebub scoffed
“Humans die everyday” it was harsh, but it was the truth “beloved ones do so too. Besides, it is not lord Hades who controls your deaths” or their souls
“Please! Please my lords, I wish to have her by my side again!” the musician sobbed. Anubis was simply chasing the cockatoo around, it wasn’t something that concerned him.
“Won’t you stop? She can’t be brought back” Beelzebub insisted. Gods, he understood what it was like, and he had suffered through it, but the human was making things worse for himself.
“It’s not that I wish to hurt you: her time was over” Hades did stand, something that surprised Beelzebub. He didn’t like seeing the mortal suffer “it isn’t something that I can-“
But Orpheus refused to give up. He got this lyre out, and sang a song he had prepared just in case his begging wasn’t enough.
“Hear, o gods, my desperate plea
To see my love beside me
Sunk below the mortal sea
Her anchor weighs upon me
Fasten her tether unto me
That she may rise to sail free”
Few things can distract Anubis when he is playing, and that song made him stop on his track and get tearful. The cockatoo stopped flying too, and gave a sad tune.
Hades and Beelzebub looked at each other, unsure of what to say. Lady Persephone, my aunt and sister, wasn’t around in Helheim on that time of the year, and she was missed by her husband. And Beelzebub…
“Close enough that light we can see
My doubt betrays the better of me
A glance to the stern is all it would be
That anguished shade shall haunt me”
The demon had lost his friends and the first person who ever loved him in quite possibly the worst way possible. Hades knew this well, as it had led to their first meeting.
“Ever on
Calm
Seas
Winds a-lee
But now the squall’s upon us
We’re foundering
Drowning”
It was by his own hand. His curse hadn’t been contained back then, and whenever Beelzebub's love for someone reaches its peak, Satan would take over his body and kill whoever he had loved. Said love could be either a friend, or a lover. Three angels and a goddess felt victim to this, before the curse had been sealed.
And as much as a demon wanted to pretend otherwise, as much as he tried to put a façade that the mortal’s song wasn’t getting to him, the truth was that he wanted to seal himself away and cry. This is the same deity who didn’t fear Odin. Who did untold things to innocent beings, trying to find a creature that could kill him.
Hades wasn’t faring much better, and the Egyptian god was howling in sadness. The mortal had been able to reduce them to tears.
The king of Helheim sighed, and signaled his cockatoo to go fetch the woman’s soul. There was a lot of explanation that he would need to do in heavens, but his heart had gone soft with the song. The cockatoo whispered some chirps in the king’s ear.
Orpheus had stopped playing his song. Beelzebub would have used him as a guinea pig on his experiments, had Hades not been there.
“Orpheus, I shall allow your wife’s spirit to follow you back Helheim, but you must have faith that she is travelling in your footsteps. “ it was a dangerous idea, Hades knew. He was not the one in charge in human souls, after all “There are rules that even I can’t break, so it’s important that you do not turn to look at her until you have reached the surface. If you so much as glance back before you have reached it, you will lose her again, and you won’t be able to see her even in death”
The mortal pretty much threw himself at Hades’ and Beelzebub’s feet, sobbing as he did “Thank you, my lords. Thank you very much”
Hades sighed “Go back through the path you followed. Anubis, guide them”
“All right, I will!” Anubis was back to being his cheerful self, maybe more so because Eurydice had the smell of death on her, even if had not been sweet in the least to her.
I have to say, you mortals know pretty well how this one ends. Orpheus walked next to the canine god, who was telling him how lucky he was, to have such a beautiful wife and that his music was the best he had heard. He even thought about seeing if he could hire him and his wife to sign on his pantheon leader’s court one day, for he was a grumpy sun god who could use some cheerful music.
But here is the thing: many humans have criticized Orpheus, called him weak for not waiting until they were out for turning back. He had lost her a few days ago, why couldn’t he just wait a few minutes or hours? Why did he have to be an idiot?
There is nothing rational about grief. And acting on it, while unwise, doesn’t make you an idiot. Even gods can fall victims to it.
Eurydice had died to several snake bites. Do you know what that does to the body of a human? The last time Orpheus held her, she was long gone. Her body was cold, her eyes lifeless, but that wasn’t even the worst part.
Her corneas had melted. She died with her eyes open, and he saw it. He saw that they were died in red. The bites had made her body swell, and wherever their fangs had sunk, her skin had practically melted away. She fell on top of them, so even her face had been a victim to this.
And that is how the musician had found her. That’s the image he saw wherever he closed his eyes. So, will you blame him, when he had enough, and unwisely turned around? Will you blame him, knowing that, in the end, he didn’t even get another glimpse of his wife?
“WHAT DID YOU DO?” Anubis leaped on him, snarling angrily.
“I…I wanted to…” gods, what had he done?
“HADES SAID YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO LOOK BACK!” He easily grabbed the mortal musician by the throat. Anubis was tempted to snap his neck, bite him and kill him, but he was raging “YOU WERE ALMOST OUT! ARE YOU STUPID? ARE YOU STUPID?”
The man sobbed, cried and screamed in anguish, understanding what had he lost. Not even the fangs of a god so close to his face made him as fearful as realizing he would never see her again. Not even when he was being shaken like a ragdoll
“DON’T LOOK BACK! THAT’S ALL YOU HAD TO DO! HADES SAID SO, DON’T LOOK BACK!” Anubis roared, dragging Orpheus away as the man tried to run back inside to Helheim “DON’T LOOK BACK! DON’T LOOK BACK!”
And so, he threw the mortal outside.
Anubis was sobbing in a corner, all alone, when Hades and Beelzebub found him.
“There you are” Hades had been worried, the god had gone to hide instead of going back to the place. Anubis was whining, having taken his helmet away as he tried to stop crying.
“We were almost out! She was so happy to see him again, Hades” Anubis cried, slowly standing up and hugging the King, crying into his shoulder “he didn’t have to look back! You told him, I heard you! He was an idiot!”
“Was he?” Beelzebub felt strange, defending the man “He was grieving, Anubis. You don’t know how is it like, and you don’t”
“HE DIDN’T HAVE TO LOOK BACK!” he cried out. Hades tried to comfort him
“It wasn’t a wise decision, but he wasn’t in a place to make one” Hades hoped that the young god never had to be in such a situation “it might be best if you return to the heaven for a bit, don’t you think?”
Anubis nodded, and put his helmet back on. Hades made sure he departed safely.
“Will you try to do something to the mortal?” Hades asked the demon, once the jackal was gone
“I can’t think of anything worse that what he is about to go through” the demon spoke. He knew how that feeling was “his song…gods, what an annoying song.”
Hades gave a sad chuckle “annoying, indeed. I will give Persephone a call when we get back to the palace”
Another blow to Beelzebub’s heart: did you ever see Lillith? Can’t it be more obvious that he fell in love with Lord Hades?
The demon locked himself on his experiments once again, trying to forget the pesky song, even if it was useless. Of course, he recalled it thousands of years later, after he saw Hades’ soul depart to the Niffelheim.
Eurydice had a spell casted on her, so she could never recognize her husband's face or voice, and she still tries to find him, to no avail.
As for Orpheus? His beautiful black curls grew into a messy, unkept bush of black hair. His skin turned too pale, for he refused to step into the sun again. He never smiled again, and slowly wasted away, as he did not eat or drink anything after returning to the surface. Even then, and even in death,he could still play his lyre and sing… but the only lyric he repeated, even upon reaching the afterlife, was everything but joyful:
“Don’t look back
Don’t look back
Don’t look back
Don’t look back”
Notes:
EmeraldButterfly made a continuation, and it's beautiful! Make sure to go check it out!
https://archiveofourown.to/chapters/174632561?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_943309016https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oll7pr4JVTQ is Lament of Orpheus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTg6y2l4duk&list=RDaTg6y2l4duk&start_radio=1 is Good Ridance
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