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Chapter Text

Niall didn't want to. It was obvious he didn't have actual feelings for Niall. It was just for the night, so that he could be there for Harry in ways that seemed impossible for his friend to have with the one he really desired. Harry didn't have to say what he wants, no, needs for him to know what was on the younger one's mind. The look in those glazed eyes, the way he bites his lip as green hues size him up told Niall exactly what he thought. They were sitting so close, empty bottles dropped on the floor and the movie playing on the telly merely background noise at this point.

Harry inched closer, making his way across the couch to corner Niall. Maybe the alcohol was thinking for him, making him believe something good would actually come from this. Harry's flushed cheeks, the way his neck moved when he took in a sharp breath, the way his green eyes stared into his own, like he's looking into his soul. Every move, every breath made Niall's heart pound and his stomach burn and his crotch ache until he thought he couldn't stand it if Harry didn't close the distance between them right now.

Harry bent his head, placing kisses on Niall's pale neck on the spot right below his jaw. Then, along the vein running down his neck, suckling on the now sensitive skin. Niall tried his hardest not to moan, move his head to give Harry more access. But it was so hard because he'd wanted this for so long, and the alcohol that coursed through him slowly lowered his will to say no. Harry's large hand went to cradle his head, and Niall couldn't remember when Harry moved on top of him, now pinned between the narrow couch and Harry's own fit body.

He attempted to speak, to say what Harry's trying to do would only hurt them both. That Niall couldn't take being a release for all the tension built up inside. But Harry's free hand started its way underneath Niall's shirt, and it took all of his strength to just breath, let alone speak. Harry grabbed his sides, and finally finished leaving marks right above his collarbone to meet Niall half way for a heated kiss.

The kiss wasn't what Niall imagined. It wasn't sweet or tender, but desperate and lonely and made him feel sad and hurt just thinking about why Harry was kissing him in the first place. Niall knew he wasn't who Harry truly wanted. But he pushed that thought to the back of his mind, let his eyes slip close, and explore Harry's mouth to the fullest.

Harry sat up, breaking the kiss to pull his shirt over his head. Niall did the same with his own, discarding the item to lay on the floor. But instead of diving back in to continue their make out session, Harry let his hands wander on Niall's chest, rubbing and feeling the muscles. Niall moaned loudly, and didn't even try to muffle the sound he makes when Harry's fingers grazed over his nipples, more sensitive than ever. It encouraged Harry even more, and he pushed his hips down on Niall's crotch, making both teens gasp at the friction.

Niall couldn't control himself anymore. Everything around him started to blur, and his hips began moving on their own to throw them into a deep, steady rhythm. He wrapped his arms around Harry, pulling him closer, and encouraged the boy to meet him half way. Their lips connected once more, and their chests pressed together in the most imperfect way.

Niall only thought about how perfect this felt. He liked Harry's tongue inside his mouth and he liked how his hips grind against his own and he loved the fact he caused all the hot groans and pants and moans that coming out of Harry's perfect mouth. His body was heating up more than he imagined possible and Niall swore he'd die if he didn't take off these fucking tight pants right now.

As if Harry read his mind, the brunette crawled off of him, and before he could protest, began releasing the restraints on his trousers. Niall gasped, and moved to help him get the useless item off, along with the rest of his clothing. They sat there for a moment, Harry staring at him, taking in every part of him. And Niall saw those deep, sad eyes widen in excitement at realizing this was really happening.

Before Niall allowed himself to feel embarrassed, he moved to do the same for Harry, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling the zipper down fast. But instead of pulling them all the way off though, Niall stopped the moment his boxers were down, freeing his erection. He lowered his head to meet Harry's hard on, and gave an experimental lick before wrapping his mouth around the head.

It didn't taste bad or feel weird, but it certainly was a new experience for Niall and it took a few tries before he figured out what exactly to do. Harry didn't mind though, gasping out what may or may not be words, and laced his fingers through fading blonde locks. Once Niall figured out how to hollow his cheeks the right way, he slowly lowered his mouth, taking in as much of Harry as he could without gagging and moved his left hand to grasp around whatever else left.

He moved his head in a steady rhythm, and the sound of Harry's stuttered praises and the way the hold he has on the back of his neck tightened encouraged Niall more. He pushed his limit, took in as much as he could and moved his hand along with the pace his mouth set. By this point he started to really enjoy the taste and feel of Harry's cock and let himself moan, running his tongue along the pulsing vein, down the underside.

But suddenly, Harry pulled on his hair so hard he wasn't able to tell if it hurt more than it felt good. He goes up for air, gasping for air and surprised. Niall looked completely debauched, his mouth wet and lips glistening from saliva and precum. His glazed eyes over met Harry's intense stare. But before he had the chance to ask why Harry stopped him, he answered.

“I was about to... you know.”

Niall loved and hated the way Harry suddenly became bashful now, after they already sat facing one another, both seriously lacking clothing and sporting major hard ons. But also felt a sense of pride, being able to give such brilliant head that he almost made Harry Styles come undone.

“I could have...” Niall paused for a moment, thinking about what to say next. Niall thought it was rather pointless, talking about it now.

But he realized he kind of had to, and the voice in the back of his mind telling him how this was a bad idea still echoed in his mind bad. “I could have handled it, you know...”

“Fuck, Niall, I'm sorry,” Harry seemed so pained and hurt it broke Niall's heart just looking at him. “I didn't mean for it to go this far. I don't want to have you think I'm...” He hated to see Harry so torn up, running his hand through his hair in frustration. At that point, all he wanted was for Harry to feel better. As his friend, it was his job to be there for Harry. That's why when Harry sounded so desperate and alone he invited him over for a movie and a few beers in the first place.

He'd be lying if he claimed what he said next was only out of concern and the desire to be there for his close friend.

Niall's hand made it's way to grasp Harry's, “You're not, Harry... don't even think that you're taking advantage of me. I'm your friend, I'm here to help...” Niall looked at their hands, and knew he wasn't just trying to convince Harry, but himself as well. “I know that you've got a lot of pent up feelings, it can't be easy... I understand the need to get off every once in awhile...”

“You...” Harry's voice was even slower than normal, “You don't mind...?”

And reality hit him. Niall was just a way for Harry to get out all of those repressed feelings, the ones that plagued his mind daily over somebody else. Niall would only be a friend, the one Harry went to whenever he was sad or alone, not the one he really wanted to love.

Niall stared into those beautiful green eyes he's fallen in love with, and smiled.

“It's okay. Just do what you need to do. I'll do anything I can, anything to make it easier for ya.”

His accent was thick, and he tried his best to make it seem like not a big deal, that being naked on his couch, offering to be a substitute was a perfectly normal thing to do. He was just a friend, one willing to do anything to help ease the pain of being alone.

And he better get used to it, because that's all he'd ever be.

Harry nodded once, and it was only a few seconds more before he slowly lifted a hand to caress Niall's cheek. Niall leaned into the touch, and his eyes slid shut just as Harry's lips pressed against his own in a slow kiss.

The rest of the night was painfully clear. Niall was able to finally get his hands on that beautiful chest littered with tattoos, full of secret meanings that only Harry knew. It felt great, being able to pull those jeans off Harry completely, to lie naked with him in that small space. He still felt Harry leaving kisses on the inside of his thigh, and the sting of his large hands stretching Niall's hole to the max.

Every sound Niall made, the way his hands tightened around the side of the couch in a desperate attempt to grasp something, anything, was almost intentional. He didn't try to stop himself from loudly moaning, from letting Harry's name fall from his lips, because he wanted Harry to know not only was he okay with this, he wants this. The last thing he wanted was for Harry to be hurt, to feel guilty and that he's used Niall. Because to Niall, there's nothing Harry could take he hasn't already been given.

Not only that, but he liked it. Harry's tongue was like magic, sliding over his dick and playing with it lightly. His hands spread his ass cheeks next, and then his tongue went lower, to poke and play with his hole. And oh god, Niall felt it should be a crime, having a talented mouth like Harry. Pretty soon, Niall found himself begging, “More... Harry, please...” and as Harry lifted his head, Niall pulled him up all the way, cupping his face with his hands and kissed him once more. He could taste himself, but he loved it and he loved the way he could taste Harry as well. They pulled apart, and Harry's beautiful eyes asked him once more if he's sure, and Niall's gave a reassuring nod.

Because there was still that other part in the back of his mind. It told him that maybe, just maybe, Harry might grow to love him instead. It hoped one day, Harry would realize everything he does is because Niall is unconditionally in love with him. That maybe, by that knowledge, Harry would realize his heart really belongs to the blonde Irishman that was there for him the entire time. Maybe Niall's way of thinking could be considered selfish, but really, he's only human.

Harry kissed him slowly, and lined up his throbbing erection at Niall's entrance. It's only then the nerves start to settle in, realizing he actually never went this far with anyone before. But both of them were too far to stop, and Niall swallowed back his fear as he felt Harry push inside him.

It burned and hurt and Niall regretted not thinking about any sort of lubrication or condom. He hissed loudly, digging his fingernails into Harry's back and tried his hardest to bite back tears. It felt like being split in two, but at the same time he felt full and complete, as if Harry inside him, moaning loudly and rocking against him was what he longed for his entire life. Soon, he didn't feel anything but Harry's mouth sucking on his neck and his hand jerking him off and the pain of Harry moving in and out of him.

They were both a panting, hot, sweaty mess and once Niall wrapped his legs around Harry, he let out a loud moan as he felt his cock hit his prostate just right. He pushed back against him, meeting his thrusts and they both fell into a fast rhythm. Niall's brain couldn't keep up with what was happening anymore, and only felt the pain and pleasure and Harry's hand wrapped tight around his dick. He chanted Harry's name, “Harry, Harry...” as if was the only word he knew, accent thick and laced. He felt his release coming on soon, and he wanted to find it fast and now even though he wanted this moment to last forever.

He finally hit his breaking point, moaning and cumming hard on Harry's hand, his chest, Niall's own stomach. He still felt Harry thrusts inside him, and although Niall was drained of any energy, became focused on helping Harry reach his orgasm as soon as he recovers. The blonde's hands slid from his back to his hair, running his fingers through Harry's curls. He loved how he could make the younger boy moan, and relished in the fact that he was the one with him right now, like this.

Harry's eyes closed, focusing hard, and when Niall finally grabbed a handful of his hair in a fist and tugged, hard, Harry couldn't take anymore. Niall felt him shudder and finally come, buried deep inside. It was so weird, being filled up likes this, and just as he's finished, Niall faintly heard a breathy, “Louis,” escape Harry's lips.

And like that, his fairytale dream was over. Reality set in, and the weight of Harry laying on top of him comes with the heavy feeling of guilt and hurt. Harry fell asleep quickly, loosely holding onto Niall, his mess of brown curls buried deep in Niall's shoulder blades. And Niall was left staring at the ceiling, Harry's body and the weight of their actions crushing him.

After a few moments, Niall broke slowly out of Harry's grasp, falling onto the floor with a silent, 'thud.' After a minute, he finally found the strength to stand, shaking, and he instantly felt both Harry's cum and his own dripping down his leg. He placed a blanket on Harry's sleeping form. And once he was done taking care of his friend on the couch, went into the bathroom and to clean himself off.

It was only until after he washed himself, put on loose sweatpants, and laying down in his own bed that he starts to cry. He tried to convince himself otherwise, but he's never felt more alone or used in his life. Hearing Louis' name was like a wake up call. It pulled Niall away from his silly delusions, and it smacked him across the face. His chest hurt. His head hurt. His body ached. And Niall painfully understood that Harry would never be his. Niall instantly regretted everything, for letting himself think that it was possible to have Harry. He hated how he let himself believe he was worth his love, that by sleeping with Harry it would make the teen fall in love with him. But Harry's only human. He's disgusted at himself, blamed himself, and now all he felt was dirty and unworthy.

He slowly drifted off to sleep, and when he woke, Harry had already let. There was a fry up sitting on the table, and Niall walked over to see a note laying beside the food. After sitting down, he found the courage to read it.

“Thanks for everything, Nialler. I didn't want to wake you up, you deserve to rest after putting up with me last night. Sorry if the food is already cold by the time you wake up, I thought it was the least I could do. You're a good friend, Niall, too good. I'm glad I can depend on you.”

Niall didn't feel hungry. In fact, he didn't feel anything. He knew that Harry would depend on him from now on.

And Niall knew he'd be there for him, in the only way he possibly could. 

Chapter Text

Liam sat in his hotel room, tired, exhausted, and smiling to himself. Their tour ended tonight, and while he was sad to see their world tour end, the prospect of going home and finally relaxing overwhelmed him. He couldn't wait to see his family, to get a good night's rest, and have a few weeks before starting on a new album. He loved the boys, performing, but it was nice to have a long break after being on tour for so long.

He grabbed his cellphone off of his dresser, and dialed the number of the one person he wanted to hear at the moment. Even while being so far apart for long periods of time, Danielle still was the only girl he wanted to see. She was so beautiful, so sweet, and gosh, Liam wondered what he did to deserve her. Sure, she seemed rather distant lately, but Liam was pretty sure it was just because it was tougher on her than him. After all, Liam Payne had thousands of girls throwing themselves at him. But Liam definitely only had eyes for one.

After a few rings, she finally answered, and even her, “hello,” put him to ease, like he was finally able to relax.

“Hello, Dani. How are you, love?”

“I'm alright...” Her tone betrayed her though. Liam knew her too well not to notice.

“Are you sure, baby?” He asked, concerned.

“Yes. A little tired, is all.”

Liam sighed in relief, and laid down on his bed. “So am I, trust me.” He smiled to himself, and pinched the bridge of his noise in an attempt to get rid of his headache, “I'm going to be home soon. When I see you, let's go out on a date. Anywhere you want. God, I miss you.”

“It's only for a little bit now, then you can have a break finally, and we'll see each other.” He couldn't help but feel reassured, even if something was off. “How was the last concert?”

He felt the bittersweet emotions swell up inside again, “Good. There were tears, trust me. But we all were just so happy. It's just so great. I'm actually about to go join the others in Louis' room for a party. Well, just Zayn, Louis, and me really. Niall and Harry said something about turning in early. Which is weird for them. But actually, everyone has been really weird...”

“Really now? Like what, Liam?”

He tried not to be hurt by the fake interest present in her voice, “Well... Zayn's been quiet lately, even for him. And Harry seems almost as if he's fighting with Louis. And Niall...” Liam paused, thinking of what to say.

“Niall doesn't smile like he used to anymore.”

He could tell Danielle was smiling. Not in a mean way, just understanding, “What do you mean, 'he doesn't smile like he used to?' Have you done something to him, Li?”

“No, nothing I can think of,” Liam sat up, sad just thinking about the way he seemed slower, as if he was hurting, “But he doesn't jump around and doesn't laugh like he used too. His eyes are just so... dull, like he's hurting. They don't sparkle like they used to. I thought it would get better, but it's just not the same... Danielle, he doesn't eat like he used to.”

“I'm sure he'll be okay. You worry too much. But if it bothers you, why don't you talk to him? I'm sure of all people, you would be the one to bring his smile back.”

“I just don't know how to say it but...” He nodded his head, and smiled. “I will, thanks Dani. You're the best.”

“I know.”

He chuckled along with her girlish laugh. Then paused before smiling, “I love you.”

Liam didn't hear an answer on the other side. The silence was killing him, and suddenly, something felt very wrong. Liam felt his stomach tighten up, and his heart started beating rapidly against his chest. What was this feeling of dread? Why did he knew he didn't want her to say a word? Why did he know Danielle was going to break him, again?

“...No, you don't.”

He swallowed, hard. “What are you talking about, of course I do.”

“Stop lying to yourself, Li... you don't love me.”

“Of course I love you, Danielle. Don't you know that?” Liam felt his heart rip, break, crush under her words. The tears threatened to fall from his eyes, and suddenly, he couldn't breathe.

“You may love me Liam, but not in the way you think you do.”

“Danielle, why are you doing this?” Liam bit his lip, hard. He tried not to tremble, but he couldn't stop. Was she breaking up with him? “Is there... someone else?”

There was a brief pause, but then he heard her speak, “Liam, I'm not the one for you. You may love me, but you're not in love. Not with me.”

He was utterly confused. Didn't she see how this was tearing him apart? Didn't she know that he couldn't imagine life without her? Liam's throat closed up, he felt like he couldn't breathe, like he was drowning. “You're everything to me Danielle,” he hiccuped, choking back tears.

“Don't cry Liam, you're only making it harder.” He could just picture her sweet smile, the way her lips curve whenever she tries to reassure him. “You don't realize, you won't be happy with me. I'm not who you need, I'm not who you want. You're just settling when you can be just so, so much happier.”

“I'm happy when I'm with you, Danielle.” He breathed out, barely a whisper now.

“I'm happy when I'm with you, too.” She still had the sweet tone in her voice, and Liam couldn't stand it. “But it's not what you, or I need. When you find that someone, then I know, you'll feel it.”

He found himself smiling, bittersweet, “Have you found it?”

Another pause, “..I think so.”

He thought his heart would break at these words, Danielle falling for someone else. She didn't want him. But, Liam didn't feel the ache in his chest. His throat felt cleared up, and he could breathe again. In fact, he didn't feel anything anymore. “You have.”

“Yes,” She began, “And I know you will too.”

He laughed bitterly, “Right.”

“Who knows?” Liam clenched onto the phone tighter, surprised it hadn't snapped in half by now, “Maybe it's been right in front of you the entire time."

He didn't want to hear her sweet, caring voice anymore. He didn't want to think about her with another man, one who made her happier then he ever could. Liam had enough. So he hung up the phone, and set it on the table beside his bed.

It was only a few minutes later that he was in Louis' bedroom, sitting on the couch and feeling quite empty. He didn't remember leaving his room to join his two friends. But here he was, Louis running to the small stove and putting on a kettle for tea, and Zayn sitting down beside him to wrap an arm around his shoulder.

They didn't have to ask. They knew.

After a few minutes, Louis came back with hot tea, and handed it to Liam. He drank it slowly, and Louis sat down on the other side of Liam, putting a hand on his. Louis seemed much smaller than normal, While Zayn seemed bigger, but it all comforted him. Finally, Zayn spoke first. “You'll find someone, mate. I'm sure of it.”

“Right,” Louis' blue eyes shined up at Liam, comforting him, “It's not the end of the world. You're still young, cute... fit.” He winked playfully, and punched him in the arm. It didn't help, but Liam still nodded, and took another sip, of his tea.

“And don't forget, we're always here for you.” Liam couldn't help but lean into Zayn, cuddling in closer to his embrace. Louis followed him, cuddling into his side, and he felt very protected, safe, and for a moment, he felt alright. It wasn't the end of the world. Danielle was just one girl. He was upset, but he didn't feel any ill will towards her. Truth be told, she was probably right. Danielle was always right. Everything she did or said, it was for the best. And even though he was down and sad, he wasn't hurting. He trusted her, and he always would.

He smiled, just a small one, and nodded, “You're right. Thanks, guys. What would I do without you.”

The other two grinned, and Zayn gave a quick peck to Liam temple before looking towards Louis, “Alright, well, I'll leave you two alone. I'm going to turn in early as well, I didn't realize how tired I was until just now. Take care of Liam, will you Louis?”

The blue eyed brunette pushed away Zayn playfully, and threw himself on top of Liam dramatically, “Get, now! Go, shoo!” He laughed, and Liam found himself laughing along.

“Alright, I'll leave you to it.”

Zayn walked out the door, and as soon as it clicked shut, Louis turned the volume up the movie playing on the television. He looked to Liam with a big smile, “So, what do you wanna do? We have the whole night to ourselves, and can sleep on the plane tomorrow.”

Liam chuckled, a sad smile placed on his face, “You don't have to be attentive, you know. We can just sit here and talk. About anything. But I don't think I want to sleep in my own room tonight.”

Louis nodded, agreeing. “Trust me, I don't either.”

Liam sat there in silence, in a slight pause for just a second. He looked at Louis, his posture so relaxed and laid back. His blue eyes focused on the screen, but his mind seemed somewhere else entirely. In fact, in everything he did, it was obvious something didn't feel quite like Louis. His eyes were dull, and so far away and distant. His arms were wrapped around his body, as if trying to protect himself. Everything seemed casual though, one leg propped up on the coffee table and the other knee pulled close in. Maybe he was just tired, but Liam realized that maybe, he wasn't the only one upset tonight.

And Liam thought he knew why.

“Is Harry not sharing a room with you tonight?"

Louis shook his head, “No, he said it'd be better to just sleep with Niall, since they both are going to bed early.” Liam was about to turn away, but he heard, in true form, Louis mutter under his breath bitterly.

“Every night.”

Liam sat up, and finished the too sweet tea. He looked over at his friend with concern, “Did something... happen between you two? You guys seem... really distant lately.”

Louis looked up, blinking, “What?” He looked off guard, “Me and Hazz, oh nothing happened. It's just I guess he's been... Been wanting his space?”

Liam's eyes narrowed, “That's not even convincing to me.”

Louis sighed, scratching the back of his head, “Well... I don't know. It's just... I guess he and I aren't as close anymore.” The way his voice began to crack worried Liam. He grabbed the remote and turned off the telly, then faced his friend again. “Harry... it's like he's avoiding me. And I don't even know what I did wrong.” He chuckled and faced Liam, rubbing his neck. “He won't talk to me, I've tried, but it's just the same response... He's ignoring me, Li. I don't know what to do.”

Liam nodded, listening. “I'm sorry, Lou...”

Louis sighed, frustrated, “It's just... I hate how we're so far apart now. I know something his bothering him, and I want to help but... I don't know, how can I help anyone when I can't even help myself.”

Liam felt for his friend, he really did. He understood the feeling all too well. “Lou.” He placed a hand on his shoulder, “What do you mean you can't help yourself? Are you in any trouble?”

Louis bit his lip, and looked up into Liam's brown eyes, but they weren't the ones he wanted to be seeing right now. “Liam...” Liam could feel Louis' hesitation, and he bit his lip, “Gosh, I haven't told anyone... not even Harry.” Not even Harry knew.

Not even Harry  knew.

How important was this?

Liam's smile was reassuring, “I promise, I won't say anything.”

Louis nodded, trying to convince himself more than anything, “I know you won't...” He sounded a bit desperate, scared, like he was telling a deep secret. It made even Liam nervous. If it was something bad, could he really keep it a secret? He wanted to help his friend in any way he could, but if Louis got into some deep trouble, Liam didn't know if he could handle it.

“Um... you know how I'm dating... El?”

Liam's nodded. How could he forget? He was practically all over her every chance they got, going to France and public claims of love and affection. They were almost more perfect than Danielle and he was...

And then everything made sense. They were too perfect.

Louis stood up, so did Liam, and Louis looked at him in some sort of fear as Liam's eyes widened in realization. Louis' eyes gazed up at him, and the height difference between the two felt significantly greater than it actually was. He rambled in a guilty voice, “Well, it's not that she isn't a lovely girl, she's real sweet and all, but this entire time, I just... I didn't mean to lie, I just didn't want anyone to know. I mean, I just couldn't handle it... and then they said, they said there was a sweet girl I had already met, willing to keep the whole thing a secret, and help me, but while she's sweet I can't help but hate her, hate her prissy, sickeningly sweet attitude and-”

“You're gay.”

“Oh God, Liam, please don't say anything.” Louis' voice went into a mad panic, scared, and all Liam could do was stand and stare at the way his older friend so easily became a mess. “It's hard enough as it is, and if everyone found out that those rumors were true, that I actually was... oh god It'd be the end, and what about Harry?” He panicked, “He'd be horrified, I'm already losing him, if he knew he'd just-”

“Louis!” Liam grasped his shoulders, hearing enough. “Calm down, you're fine! You're fine, Lou!” He shook his friend, trying to calm him down, “I don't care that you like guys, it's fine! It's all fine. The last thing I would ever do is judge you, you're one of my best mates.”

Louis finally calmed down, breathing a sigh of relief. “Oh Liam... thanks.” He smiled, his eyes crinkling in such an endearing manner, Liam couldn't help but smile as well.

He chuckled, and released his friend's shoulders. “How long have you known?”

He watched Louis bite his lip, thinking about what to say, “Probably... ever since the X-factor. I mean, I guess I had a feeling before hand but... that was when I was definitely sure. Oh God Liam...” He sighed, frustrated, “Why can't I just... be normal?”

Liam hated seeing him like this. He seemed so small, so sad. So definitely not Louis.

This wasn't his friend, not the one he knew. Where was the confident smile, the sassy remarks? Where was the confidence that he always associated with Louis Tomlinson?

Liam pulled Louis into a tight embrace. “Because... you were meant to stand out, Lou.”

Louis laughed, “Thanks, mate.” He pulled back, squeezing Liam's forearms. “You're great, you know that?”

Liam smiled, “So I've been told.”

They sat back down on the couch, cuddling closer to one another. It was comfortable, and something Liam definitely needed right now. Louis' head rested on his shoulder, and Liam's arm stretched out to run his fingers into his brown hair, comforting him. It wasn't anything more, just two best friends, sitting on the couch and not really watching the action movie being played on the televion.

They sat in a comfortable silence until Liam spoke, “You know Louis, none of us would be mad... you know that Niall, Zayn, and Harry wouldn't care. I don't understand why you feel the need to hide it.” He could feel Louis tense, but continued, “I mean, it's scary, but I don't think you should have to hide it, and maybe some people won't like it... but honestly, they don't matter then.”

Louis sighed, frustrated, “It's not that simple...”

Blue eyes met Liam's, and he hated seeing his friend so upset like this, “It's not just me I have to think about... but you and Harry and Zayn and Niall and I... I have to think of my position. I have to think of my status and our fans and me being gay isn't a part of that!”

“Do you really mean that, or are you repeating what you've been told?”

“...Liam... I,” Louis looked away, lost for words. “I'm scared.”

I was Liam's turn to wonder what to say. Confident, charismatic, charming... those words described Louis. Not Coward.

“I know you guys wouldn't care... but...” Louis bit his lip, “I don't want... I'm not ready to tell them yet.” He laughed, bitter. “Harry will be in for a shock, he thinks I'm as straight as an arrow.”

Liam frowned, “What does it matter? He'll accept you anyway, you're his best friend...” He squeezed his shoulder, “I don't know why you two have been distant lately, but your sexuality won't change anything between you two.”

Louis sat up and snapped, bold, “Maybe I want it to change everything between me and Harry, Liam. Ever thought about that?!”

The awkward silence that fell between the two just about killed Liam.

“You...” Liam's eyes widened as he stared at his friend, “You and... Harry?”

“Yes!” It was as if Louis finally broke, the feelings and emotions that he suppressed finally freed. “It's always been him, ever since I first met him, I felt this...” His hand clenched onto his shirt, crumpling it in his grasp, “Like pain in my chest. It hasn't gone away since...” He laughed, “God, I feel like such a sap, you probably don't even want to-”

“It's fine.” Liam interrupted, smiling, “I want to hear.”

The truth was, he really did. There was something about Louis and Harry's relationship that always made him wonder what really went on behind closed doors. It was as if no two people could be closer. They were inseparable. It wasn't Louis, and it wasn't Harry, but it was Louis and Harry and Liam realized he wasn't actually surprised to find out their fans were right, that their was more two them than just a platonic relationship between two friends.

Louis felt a smile dare to slip on his face, “Harry's... my best friend... my best mate. You and Zayn and Niall are great too, but he's just so special.” His hand slid across his face, wiping away the cold sweat, and smirked, “His smile, when he looks at me... I wonder if it's just me or if he's looking at me the same way. I nearly melt, and I always shrink away cause I can't help but want to kiss those lips or run my fingers through that and then it gets worse... and I have to walk away or bring up Eleanor before I do something I really regret.”

Louis sighed, pulling at his hair, “I've pushed him away, Liam. He thinks I hate him, but I don't, I really don't. Harry's been avoiding me lately, and it's killing me! I know something is wrong with him, but I don't know if it's cause of me or if it's something more and I...” He sighed, “I just want him. I don't care if he doesn't feel the same, I just want my friend back. He's been leaving me and staying with Niall, and then I get...” He hesitated, “It sounds crazy, but I get jealous and feel like Harry replaced me with someone else. I hate this, cause I can't tell him how I feel.”

Liam looked at his friend, sympathetic. “Why can't you?”

“He'd hate me, Liam. How would you like it if your best friend was in love with you? Could you look at him the same way, especially when you know they want you?”

Liam put a hand on both of his shoulders, and look straight into Louis' sad eyes. “Harry could never hate you. If anything, he's just hurt because you won't tell him the truth.” He gave a determined smile, “He might even feel the same. If you feel like this, then he must feel the same about you. You're just blinded by fear, and can't see what's in front of you. Knowing Harry, he's doing the same thing.”

Louis shook his head, “I can't, Liam. I just can't... How can I? He won't even look at me anymore.”

Liam's smile didn't fade. If anything, it turned kinder.

“You guys just have to open your eyes, and find each other. Have some faith, Lou. He'll listen to you, I know it. Harry's never been able to deny you anything, you just have to be firm enough to get his attention.”

Louis sighed, and tried to smile. “Thanks Liam... I... I'll try.” He wiped his eyes, getting rid of any evidence their had been tears falling just a second ago, “Look at me. And I was trying to cheer you up, and you've been a better friend to me right now.”

“You've helped me, too.” Liam chuckled, “Trust me.”

And he really had. Danielle was the last thing on his mind.

He had a new dream to find.

Chapter Text

Louis paced back and forth in his flat, impatiently waiting for Eleanor to show up. He didn't recall the last time he felt this nervous, so scared and unsure of himself. Harry would be back that afternoon, and Louis didn't have much time to mentally prepare himself for what he planned on doing.

The moment he heard a knock, Louis ran to open the door, barely giving Eleanor enough time to place her hand once more against the designer purse at her side. And despite the fact he rushed her inside, she still strutted into the room with dignity.

Louis shut the door behind her, and she crossed her arms, “Alright, Louis, I know you're nervous, but you've got to stop freaking out.” She gave a smile, and reached out to take his hand, “Now come sit down, and I'll make some tea, alright?” She lead him to the couch, pushed him down gently, and strutted into the kitchen with a sway of her hips.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Eleanor was right, she was always right. And Louis couldn't help but feel grateful for her taking time out of her schedule to see him. Even if they weren't actually dating, Eleanor was one of his closest confidants, and she always gave him words of encouragement and great advice.

In Louis' crazy world, sometimes Eleanor was the only thing normal for him. The one person he didn't have to put up a sassy, confident front for. Even his family, even Harry, didn't know what she did. He could just... be himself, not having to hide feelings or secrets, because she knew everything. And it helped him, a lot.

She came back, carrying two hot cups and handing one to him, “Now, tell me what's wrong.”

He laughed, nervous, “Well... last week, I was talking to Liam, cause he was really down about Danielle breaking up with him for some guy...”

He could have sworn he saw Eleanor tense. But she just coughed, and took a sip of her tea.

“And I told him... about me... I...” He smiled, “I told him everything.”

The smile that appeared on El's face was wide, and her eyes sparkled in delight, “Oh Louis, that's fantastic! That's great! I'm so proud of you, this is-” she breathed, “this is wonderful.”

Louis grinned, his blue eyes crinkling. “Thanks...”

She mirrored his expression, “Who else knows?”

His smile faded, “Just him...”

Eleanor's did as well. 

“Lou... you have to tell him... I know that you and I have a contract and all, but...” Her hands fiddled in her hair, “Honestly, it's obvious how much he loves you, and you being so insecure just isn't right and I...”

Eleanor's eyes gazed towards the floor, and her bottom lip was pulled between her teeth. She was nervous, very nervous and a blush began to creep upon her face. She bit back a smile, “I... I found someone, and I don't really wanna have to 'date' you anymore.”

It took a moment for it to sink in. Louis should have expected his. Eleanor was a beautiful girl, and he didn't always see her all the time, so of course the chances of her finding someone, falling in love, wanting to finally be done with One Direction were unbearably high. But still, it broke his heart. Louis could admit it: he's a selfish person. The thought of losing Eleanor hurt. But what they had was just an agreement, and past their contract, friendship. There was no love, nothing that should make him feel betrayed or that she did something wrong.

But Louis was still a selfish person. He always had problems giving up things that didn't belong to him.

He smiled, not sure what else to do, “I'm happy for you, I really am. He must be quite fit, to snatch a charming girl like you.”

“Thanks...” She winked, “But no one can be more of a catch than you. Harry is a lucky man, to have someone like you.”

Eleanor's soft, small hand reached for Louis', and he saw it again. The love in her eyes. He almost felt bad, hating the way she loved him, hating the way he couldn't love her back. She was beautiful, fantastic, but not what he needed at all. She didn't have addicting curls that he longed to run his fingers through, her eyes weren't the green pools he longed to swim in every day, for the rest of his life.

Harry Styles, without even trying, without even knowing, had stolen Louis' heart the moment they met. With his slow voice and charming smile, young, naïve Louis fell. Hook, Line, and Sinker.

Xxxx

Harry pulled his coat closer to his chest, trying to keeping out at least some of the chill from the cold night. He didn't mean to stay out so late, but it seemed like he lost track of time more and more whenever he visited Niall. And this time, it was even harder to come back to earth.

He always got lost in Niall, drowned himself in those dyed locks, and poured his emotions into his friend. It really was hard, being around the object of your affection. And while Harry was the youngest, he knew more than anyone how much love could hurt. He was lonely, and yearning for his best friend. He was so glad Niall was there for him, offered himself as an outlet to pour those emotions into.

Harry wanted to back out, so many times. The guilt of using Niall killed him almost every day. But every time he thought he was okay, that he no longer needed to lean on his friend, he turned out to be dreadfully mistaken. Louis would give him a smile that killed, and Harry always fell all over again. Or whenever Louis would be angry or upset, Harry always found himself wishing he could be the one to comfort and make him feel better. And that pain, it was so unbearable, the pain that such a fantastic thing as love could bring. 

It never was that Harry needed sex, or needed to physically be with someone. Harry needed to feel loved. And Niall, no matter what, made Harry feel important, needed, loved. Niall always took care of him, made him feel that it was okay to sleep with someone else while wishing it was another. Harry fell into him every time he hurt, put his burdens on Niall, and while it was only temporary relief, it was much more than Harry felt he deserved.

In the fantasy world that Niall created for Harry, it was easy for the boy to pretend his heart wasn't broken in two.

He walked home, slightly limping, but not in much pain. Niall was gentle, so unbelievably gentle. And for Harry's first time on the receiving end of things, it went rather well. In fact, Harry felt like he never felt such a connection, never felt so full, or so unbelievably overwhelmed. Harry wanted to experience it, having never been the submissive one, and Niall made sure everything went smooth and as pain free as possible.

And although it was amazing, fantastic even... Harry felt horrible.

“Niall... I want you this time...”

“W-What??”

“I want you to be the one to... ya know.”

“O...Oh... Um, okay. Alright yeah.”

“Hurry, yeah?”

“Not yet... I need to get the lube, and a condom from the other room. I don't want to hurt you, this is your first time, right?”

“Yeah...”

“Well, I don't want it to hurt. Just fingers and spit doesn't really... Help too much, ya know?”

“...Did I hurt you?”

“...It's fine Harry, don't worry about it.”

Harry replayed those words over and over in his mind. He felt even worse than before, realizing he basically ruined Niall's first time in every way he possibly could, while Niall went to such drastic measures to make sure that Harry's first time receiving went as smooth and pain free as possible. The worst part about it all, was that Harry was so selfish, so self centered and inconsiderate that he didn't even realize that he hurt one of his closest friends and took without caring for band mate’s well being.

And Niall was such a good person, he didn't say a word about it.

It was times like these, when Harry remember just how much he really hadn't grown up at all.

Harry closed his eyes, and took a deep breath at his front door. He knew the moment he stepped in, the moment that he closed the door and took off his coat, he would definitely be back in the real world. And it wasn't something he liked facing.

The real world now was just him and Louis avoiding one another. And it mostly was Harry's fault. Now, it felt like he couldn't even look his best friend in the eye. He knew it was stupid, but he felt a sense of cheating, like he was going behind Louis' back by being with Niall even though they weren't really together. And it was that thought that made him keep his distance from Louis. Because even though he now felt like he needed Niall's care and relationship to survive, it really didn't make him feel better about Louis once it was all over.

He walked inside, and told himself that after he put his coat up and had a bite to eat, he was going straight to bed. He couldn't face Louis, not with a slight limp and a guilty conscience.

He walked into the living room, and bypassed Louis, who he knew too well was sitting on the sofa, to walk straight into the kitchen. But as soon as he walked up to the fridge, he felt Louis' hand grasp his bicep and force him to turn around.

“Harry.”

Harry met his eyes for the first time in weeks, and felt himself being lost in those blue eyes. They were so familiar, but so distant and different all at the same time. And then, Harry began to wonder, what happened to them? What Happened to HarryandLouis? What happened to the times when they were young and enamored with one another, so immersed in their own little world that no one else seemed to matter? What happened to when they were carefree and just loved being them? What happened to the days when they were just happy and content to be following their dreams, without worrying about consequences or management or just the cruel social contract they were put under by the world?

Looking into Louis' sad and desperate blue eyes, Harry wished for it all back.

“Harry,” Louis' voice seemed so small and shy, nothing like how it used to be, “Please... don't ignore me.”

Harry broke away from Louis' stare, and averted his eyes to face the floor. He couldn't stand looking into those eyes for long.

They stood like that, Louis' hand trembling on Harry's arm, their eyes looking away from one another. Louis bit his lip, nervous, and let out a shaky breath. They waited, for someone, anyone to make the first move.

Realizing Harry wasn't going to speak any time soon, Louis finally spoke.

“Alright, you don't have to talk, but please... listen to me.” He took a deep breath, shaking, and his hand slowly slid down to grasp Harry's own. The younger found his heart beating faster and faster, and felt like he couldn't handle this much longer, holding Louis' hand, being so close like they were. He could barely function, barely hear his best friend's words.

And that scared him.

“This is really hard for me, Harry, I can't stand this... I don't want to lose you, and I feel like you're slipping farther and farther away until I won't be able to hold on anymore.” Louis sighed, frustrated. “I'm not... not good, at talking about things like this, you know? I can't just tell people how I feel. Especially when it is the one person that matter most to me, and they aren't even able to look at me anymore.”

Harry bit his lip, and his eyelids closed slowly. “I'm sorry, Lou.”

“That's the thing, I don't... I don't want you to apologize. I don't want to just say, 'I'm sorry,' and continue on with our lives like nothing is wrong when really, everything is. We're... God, Harry, sometimes I'm not sure we're even friends anymore. And I don't know what I did wrong.”

Harry finally looked at Louis, ashamed, “That's not true... at all. You didn't do anything wrong, it's me.” He trembled, the grip on Louis' hand tighter, “It's my fault.”

I'm the one who had to go and fall in love with you.

“Are you really going to use that on me?” Louis' laughed, cynical, “Don't give me that, 'it's not you, It's me' bullshit. That's the last thing I want to hear from you.”

“Then what, Louis?” Harry snapped, releasing Louis' hand and backing away. “What do you want me to say? That it really isn't me, or that you really did something to hurt me! You know what, fine, it is you're fault! You're the one who did this to me, I didn't ask for this!”

“What, then?!” Louis yelled, walking towards him, “What did I do wrong, Harry, just tell me, I want to fix this!”

“You wanna know, really??” Harry broke down, grabbing a hold of Louis by his shoulders, “You're too... Your hair is too soft, and your smile is too wide, and your arse is too amazing and your eyes are so beautiful I can't help but get lost in them. I love how I'm taller than you but you're so much strong than me, and I love your cheeky attitude and I love how you're so confident and sure! And I just- You're too damn perfect, you're too good for me! It's your fault I feel this way, It's your fault I can't breathe when I look at you and your fault I feel like I am going insane trying to keep myself from falling apart every time I see you with Eleanor, and it's your fault that I can't keep this in any longer!”

It took just a few second's for Louis' to process all the information thrown at him. He felt his cheeks red and his blood rise, while his heart beat at a rapid pace. His eyes widened in disbelief, shocked and upset at himself it took so long for his to figure this out, that he didn't realize it sooner.

He stared at Harry's disheveled appearance, took in his deranged green eyes, and grinned.

“And I thought I was the one trying to confess my love.”

“W-What?”

Louis stood on his toes, grabbed Harry's face on either side, and matched his lips with his own.

And suddenly, the world was spinning too fast for Harry to keep up.

Their tongues slid together desperate and fast, wanting to get as much as they could from one another, and Harry's large hands found it's way to Louis' lower back, pulling him closer in, close enough to where their hips pressed together tightly. He walked forward, backing Louis up until his back hit the kitchen counter, and Louis' hand went to grip at the back of Harry's head as he was lifted up in the younger's strong arms off his feet to sit on the cold tile. Harry stepped in between his legs, now open, and moaned deep into his mouth as he hunched over Louis' bent form.

They broke apart for air, but were still close enough to make Harry feel cross eyed. He never felt so light headed, so unbelievably dizzy or drunk before. He gazed into his best friend's eyes, that were glazed over and unbelievably bright. Louis' stared back, and suddenly the both started laughing together.

“We're real idiots, aren't we?” Louis asked.

“I'm afraid so,” Harry grinned.

Louis' pulled Harry closer, and looked up into his eyes. “How long?”

“I honestly don't know, probably since the beginning... but I think when I knew for sure was when we started our first tour. You?”

“I've always known... When I first met you, I thought, 'I've never met a more beautiful person in my life.' But I knew I loved you when I first heard you sing.”

Harry smirked, “How romantic.”

“I'm quite the romantic, I assure you.”

“But then... Why didn't you tell me sooner?” Harry asked, confused.

“I...” He sighed, placing a hand on Harry's waist, the other threading through his own dark hair, “I was scared... I didn't want to be. I wanted to be normal. I thought I would get over it, or just forget and go on as friends but I... I couldn't, not you, never you, Harry.”

Harry lips met his, slow and tender for another moment, and they melted into the kiss once more. His narrow hips rocked against Louis', and the older let out a low moan before meeting Harry's thrusts to grind against his crotch as well. They continued on like that for awhile, rocking against one another and trying to taste as much as they could. Harry hand caressed Louis' check, his thumb smoothing his cheek with each peck with each movement. It was as if they were desperately trying to gain back the time they wasted, being afraid and nervous and unsure of the other. To think that they were so fullish and stupid, that they didn't see it sooner. To think, all of this pain could have been avoided if they had just been honest with each other.

Louis pulled away once more for air, and began unbuttoning Harry's shirt. But before he got too far, Harry grabbed Louis' hand.

“Wait...” He mumbled into his chestnut locks.

“Wait? Harry, you're telling me to wait, when I've waited over three years already, I can't do that.” Louis' whined, trying to unbutton that damned shirt again, but Harry refused.

“Now, Lou, just wait! I have to go somewhere,” Harry grinned, “I have got to go tell Niall, I have to see him!” He jumped up and down, ecstatic. It just hit him, that he no longer had to go to Niall for comfort! He no longer needed to use and drown his sorrows into his Irish friend. He was free, no longer bound by sorrow or fear.

He was as free as the birds on his chest.

Louis' scoffed, and crossed his arms, “Niall, what does Niall have to do about this?”

Harry wiggled his eyebrows, “Jealous?”

“What if I am?”

And then he felt caged once more.

He couldn't ever tell Louis, not about the special relationship him and Niall shared while Harry was at his lowest. If he ever found out about Harry sleeping with their band mate, their friend, it...

Even if it was before they realized their feelings for one another, the betrayal and Jealousy that Louis would feel would kill not only him, But Harry as well.

Harry gave a small smile, “He knew how I felt about you... whenever I was down or couldn't handle it, I went to Niall, and he was there for me...” He grabbed Louis' hand, and squeezed it tightly, “I just want to tell him everything worked out for the best after all.”

Louis' pout turned into a mischievous grin. “Well, hurry up then...” He smirked, and slapped Harry's bum playfully. “I'm not done with you tonight. I won't wait too long.”

Harry kissed him once more, and realized he would never be able to go a day without that addicting taste of Louis' mouth. “Don't worry, I won't be long. He'll be so happy, I know it."

After a few more minutes of kissing and playful words, Harry kissed his lover goodbye and grabbed his coat on his way out. He found himself running, excited to tell Niall the news.

He never felt so alive. 

Chapter Text

Niall laid on his newly made bed, and stared up at the ceiling. Harry had only been gone for about an hour and a half, but it felt like he was still there. Each time Harry left, it felt like he took a little piece of Niall with him. And this time, it felt like he didn't have much of himself left. Being inside of Harry, feeling himself underneath and sweating was too much for Niall to handle. It was amazing, absolutely fantastic, and ripped Niall apart from the inside. The past six months were physically and emotionally draining, but he couldn't stop. Harry still needed him, and Niall had offered himself to be used from the very beginning.

And Niall still selfishly held onto that faint hope, that one day, his feelings could break through to Harry, and he'd finally love him back.

Niall got up, and walked from his bedroom to his kitchen. He wasn't hungry, but he realized he needed to eat soon. His body wasn't as healthy as it used to be. It wasn't fit, but more like skinny. And Niall realized a long time ago that appearance was everything now. But even so, it became increasingly harder and harder to find an appetite, and his body resisted with every bite he took now. And Niall hated it, but he couldn't help it. It hurt, thinking that one of his favorite things, was no longer appealing at all. And he knew the reason, he couldn't deny it. It was Harry 

Niall would never blame Harry though. It was Niall's fault. Niall was the one that thought Harry was cute and adorable from the beginning. It was Niall who felt entranced whenever he heard that slow talking voice. It was Niall that loved that raspy singing that Harry produced. It was Niall that offered himself, that said it was okay to use him as a replacement for Louis. It was Niall that didn't tell him no. Niall did this to himself.

So it was his fault.

He opened the fridge, not shocked to find it almost empty, and grabbed the cold lasagna Harry made the other night and threw it in the microwave. He leaned against the kitchen counter, waiting.

Then, he heard rapid knocking on the door, and a faint, but oh too familiar voice.

“Niall!!!... Niall!!!”

He froze.

Why did Harry come back? Harry never came back after they were finished, and Harry was so meticulous about making sure he had everything he brought before he left? Niall didn't know what to think, his brain was running a mile a minute, and his heart raced faster and faster. It didn't make sense, why Harry was back, why he came back to Niall.

He walked slowly over to his door, and the knocking started again, this time louder and louder as Harry called for Niall to let him in. He tried not to get his hopes up, but he couldn't stop himself from thinking, wishing, praying that the reason why Harry came back, was because he wanted to. Because his friend finally realized just how much he meant to him. He hoped, that by some miracle, that maybe Harry realized he loved Niall back just as much.

With those careless thoughts running through his head, Niall opened the door.

Suddenly, he found himself with an armful of Harry. He felt Harry's hand on his lower back, squeezing softly, and the other on the back of his neck pulling him in. Niall folded himself into Harry, his cheeks flushing and stomach full of butterflies. He felt happy, warm, protected in the arms of the one he loved. It was like something out of a fairytale, as if he was some sort of Cinderella that found their prince charming. He felt girly, thinking like that, but instead of being embarrassed with himself, he let it fill him up, and smiled into Harry's chest.

Harry pulled away, his hands going to hold Niall's. His smile was wide, full of pure happiness, and Niall stared back into those beautiful green eyes, and smiled as well.

“He said he loved me.”

Niall blinked, his smile faltering for only a second.

“Louis...?”

“Said he loved me!!!” Harry squeezed Niall's hands tighter, shaking with delight and happiness. “He told me he loved me! Louis loves me, Niall! He wants me. He said he loved me ever since we met!”

Niall's smile widened, and he tackled his best friend into a big hug, “That's fantastic, Harry, absolutely amazing! I'm so- oh, wow. I just don't what to say. I'm so happy for ya!”

Harry grinned, and kissed Niall on the cheek. “Thank you... Niall. I... I don't know how I'll ever repay you.”

Niall shook his head, “You don't have too. I'm glad you're getting your happy ending.”

Harry pulled him in for a hug once more, and after one more kiss, this time on the lips, he sighed contently and pulled away.

“I had to tell you, I just had to let you be the first to know. But Louis wants me back... I told him I'd be as fast as I could.”

Niall smirked, “Got a big night ahead, hey? Well, what are you standing here for!” He pushed Harry towards the door playfully, “Go on and don't keep your man waiting!” He winked.

Harry laughed, and waved goodbye, “alright, alright. I'll see you later. But... just please, don't mention to Louis about...”

Niall smiled softly, “Of course not, don't worry about it, Harry. I got your back.”

He closed the door behind him, and Niall could faintly hear his footsteps. They became softer and softer, and it only took a few seconds for it to seem as if Harry wasn't even there.

The clock stroke midnight.

Niall screamed, louder than he ever had before. Everything was a blur for him at that point. His body moved on its own, first to his bedroom, where he didn't even take a second glance at the perfectly made bed before he grabbed the sheets and tossed them to the side, before lifting up his mattress from one corner and flipping it over on the ground, taking the lamp and the alarm clock along with it. He dismembered the railing, letting the medal frame fall to the ground in pieces before rushing over and pushing the miscellaneous crap on his dresser to the floor. He pulled his drawers out, ripped the curtains down, and once he was finished throwing or breaking everything that was packed inside that damn closet, ran into the kitchen.

He pulled out the beer bottles in his fridge and tossed them at the wall, letting it shatter as the hit the cold tile. He empty his cupboards, throwing and breaking all of his plates, cups, bowls, anything he could grab. Once done, he finally made his way back to his dinner, and pulled out the Harry's homemade lasagna from the microwave. He stared at it only for a second, until it ended up smeared against his kitchen wall.

The last place he walked into was his sitting room, promptly kicking the coffee table over. He walked over to his bookcase, throwing countless books on the ground that he never even bothered to pick up and read in the first place. He breathed rapidly, trying to calm down his heart rate, but it felt as if his chest was about to explode any second. His eyes glance over to the mirror tucked away in the corner of the room, and Niall felt sickened at what was staring back at him.

Niall was crying.

He grabbed the closest item he could find, a the small table lamp beside the sofa. And with a loud cry, threw it across the room.

The mirror shattered.

He collapsed on the floor, and wept, his hands covering his face in shame. Deep down, he know that this would happen. It was obvious, the way Louis felt about Harry. The way he looked him in the eyes, as if the entire world revolved around Harry's beautiful green eyes and brown curls, as if Harry was his world. Everyone could see it, even Niall. Niall knew it was a matter of time before he admitted his feelings, and finally claimed something he already had. But Niall was selfish, scared, and didn't want to tell Harry that it was obvious Louis loved him back a thousand fold. He was still so foolish, so stupid to believe that maybe one day Harry would love him instead. Niall did this to himself, he knew he did.

And that's what hurt the most, that he couldn't blame Harry for using him, or Louis for just existing. It was Niall's fault for letting him sink so low as to take advantage of Harry. Niall's the one that was hoping to manipulate his feelings. Niall never felt more disgusted, so sickened by himself in his life, that he couldn't even look at himself in the mirror anymore.

When Harry walked out the door tonight, he took the last bit of his heart with him. There was nothing left of Niall.

He didn't know how long he stayed, like that, crying on the floor of his trashed apartment, when he heard a familiar ring tone go off in his room. And somehow, he slowly got up from the floor and went into his wrecked room, to find his cellphone on the phone, the screen now with a slight crack in it.

It was Zayn.

He took, a shaky breath, and answered the phone.

“Z... Zayn?”

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

Niall exhaled, his breathing ragged, and wiped his eyes, “No, no you're fine...”

“I was just calling, cause I can't really sleep tonight, ya know? Wanted to see if talking would help me fall asleep.”

“Right, that makes sense.” He tried to sound normal, he really did, but he just was so tired, so worn and broken that he couldn't handle this and Zayn, not any longer

“Niall... Are you alright?”

“Yeah! I'm fine, just fine, why do you ask?” He tried to keep his voice light, his accent bright.

But it didn't work.

“Niall... are you okay?”

“I...” the tears swelled up one more, “No... I'm not... Zayn...” He cried, hiccuping, “Zayn I can't... I can't do this, I... I need you...”

“Shit... Shit, Niall, I'm coming. Just.. Just stay there, okay, I'll be there as soon as I can, so just wait a second.”

And with that, Zayn hung up, and Niall let the phone fall from his hand. He didn't want to get Zayn involved, but he couldn't help it. He needed someone, because he couldn't trust himself to be alone right now.

It only took Zayn about five minutes to get to Niall's flat, not even properly dressed, and opened the door without even knocking first.

“Jesus Christ, Niall... what the hell happened? Your place is-”

Niall ran into his arms, cutting him off. He didn't want Zayn to talk, he just wanted to be held. He grabbed onto Zayn tightly, bunching up his shirt in his fist, and cried into his chest. It felt good, to cry in someone's arms, to not feel completely alone and have it kill him inside. He needed this, needed to feel comforted by someone else. And even though Harry would probably be so ashamed if he ever found out Zayn knew about them, about the secret they kept for over half a year, Niall couldn't hold it in any longer he needed to tell someone.

“He...” Niall sniffled, his breathing loud and labored, “He doesn't love me, Zayn... He'll,” another gasp, “He'll never love me.”

Zayn wrapped his arms around Niall hesitantly, as if he didn't know what else to do, “Niall... oh, Niall...” It pained Zayn, to see him like this, Niall knew that. He felt horrible, terrible for not being stronger, for letting this get to him, but he couldn't help it. “Who...?”

“Harry.” Niall choked, “Harry doesn't love me!”

It didn't take long, for Zayn to realize that Niall was indeed the one who completely obliterated his own apartment. It didn't take long, for Zayn to figure out the reason why Niall and Harry seemed so close these last few months, sleeping in the same room. Zayn wasn't by any means slow. It was as if all the pieces of the puzzle were finally put together, at least in Niall's case. And Zayn felt the overwhelming urge to run over to Harry's apartment, barge in, and thoroughly beat Harry to a pulp for making Niall so hysterical and... sad. Zayn could barely keep himself together, stop himself from going over and making a complete ass of himself.

The only thing stopping him was Niall. Niall needed him right now, and Zayn just couldn't stand the thought of leaving him alone.

“You and Harry...” He pulled in Niall tighter, “You slept with Harry.”

“I didn't want to, but I...” he cried, and buried his face into Zayn's shoulder, “He needed me. He was so lonely and just couldn't say no...”

Niall could never say no, not to anyone.

“Ni... oh, Nialler, let's sit down.”

Zayn lead Niall over the glass and books on the floor and sat down on the couch. He patted the seat next to him, and the hurt boy instantly took a seat, cuddling up to sit in between Zayn's legs, his back to his friend's chest. Niall instantly felt better, safe. Zayn wrapped his arms around him, and took a deep breath, “How... how long?”

“Six months.” He took a shaky breath, trying to calm himself down, “But I told him it was okay... that it was okay to, Zayn. I didn't want him to feel bad, and I...” he bit his lip, “I wanted him to. But...” Tears continued to flow, and Zayn almost found himself tearing up as well. “Not like that.”

Zayn just held him, giving him as much comfort as he could manage. He rubbed circles into Niall's side, shushing him quietly, like a mother would to her child, “You love him...”

“But he....” Niall choked, leaning into Zayn's touch, “He loves... Louis...”

Zayn wasn't surprised at all by that revelation. Zayn noticed things, way before even people realized it themselves. Zayn knew Harry and Louis were in love with each other since day one. In fact, it was obvious to everyone they loved one another, even though they were too blind to see it.

“And I knew this, but I still... I still fell for him.”

Zayn let one of his hand grasp Niall's.

“And now Louis realizes he loves him too.”

Zayn couldn't help but feel that if they noticed sooner, it would have saved a lot of heartbreak.

“Niall, it's okay... you don't have to say anymore, just...” He spoke soft and tender, “Just rest. I'm here for you tonight.”

Niall moved himself so that he laid on Zayn, but now was faced forward so he could look at him. He placed his left hand on Zayn's chest, the tank top hanging low enough to where he was touching that smooth, caramel skin. He could feel Zayn's heartbeat, a steady rhythm against his hand. It was calming, inviting. He stared into Zayn's eyes, the most beautiful brown he'd ever seen, only really being out done by Liam's. Zayn was gorgeous, Niall could admit that, and there was something comforting about him, something welcoming, something alluring.

He was grateful, so grateful that Zayn was with him right now, laying with him when he need him the most. It made him feel important, made him as if the pain, the ache was subsiding. It was as if he almost forgot about it as he stared in those warm eyes. Zayn smelled of musk and smoke, and it was oddly comforting, and overwhelmed Niall's senses in the most pleasing way. He felt a familiar warmth start in his stomach, and Niall breathed slowly to try and calm down his heart, but it wasn't working.

He knew that right now, at this moment, Harry and Louis were probably in bed, their hands roaming each others body. He knew Louis was probably kissing Harry, pleasuring Harry, giving him the love and attention the youngest member had so long been denied. He knew they were making love, Harry probably writhing under Louis' toned body, crying in absolute ecstasy as Louis enter him, unaware that it was Niall who was inside him just hours before.

But, for this moment, it was as if none of that mattered right now. That those jealous, masochistic thoughts could be pushed in the back of his mind. That he could just forget, if even for a moment.

Niall inched closer to Zayn, his eyes glazed over and he stared intently at Zayn's tender, rough lips. He felt the overwhelming urge to kiss him, to taste the smoke and mint on his tongue. He crawled on top of him, almost cat like and he made his way to sit in his lap. Zayn's eyes widened, almost comically as the hand that was on his chest made it's way to frame his face. Niall leaned in, and hesitated only for a second as he found himself kissing Zayn, pressed against him.

At first, Zayn was unresponsive, too shocked to move. But Niall didn't let that stop him, and he grind his hips against Zayn, loving how his sweatpants left nothing to the imagination. Niall took his bottom lip in between his teeth, and tugged playfully, trying to get Zayn to open up, which successfully worked. Soon, Niall could taste the bitter cigarettes on his tongue, and he felt momentarily drugged as their tongues slid together slowly, sensually. Niall could feel Zayn place his hand on his lower back, and arched into the touch encouragingly.

Niall gasped as he felt Zayn press his crotch against his bum. He pushed back down, feeling an audible groan vibrate against his lips as Zayn kissed him harder, rougher. Their slow make out session became more intense, and their tongues clashed against one another in a desperate attempt for Niall to just feel. Niall let a hand travel low on Zayn's stomach, following his happy trail with a light, feather touch before his fingertips met the waistband of his joggers. He grinned into the kiss, and let his hand slip down to grab hold of Zayn's semi-hard length, caressing it slowly.

Zayn broke away from the kiss, gasping, “Shit, Niall, no. S-stop...” Zayn's shaking hand went to push Niall's away, but he didn't put up much of a fight. Niall leaned over and moaned wantonly in his ear, and continued rubbing Zayn's shaft, and grind down on his lap once more. He leaned in to pull him in for another kiss.

“P...please.” Niall moaned loudly in his ear, making Zayn's breath catch in his throat. Niall grabbed Zayn's arms with his free hand, and guided him towards his Jeans, letting him feel the growing bulge in front. The tan boy's breath hitched, and he groaned loudly out of frustration. Niall captured his lips once more, exploring his mouth to the fullest as a way to distract Zayn from realizing Niall was trying to pull down his sweat's waist band.

But as soon as Niall began to peel them off, Zayn broke off from Niall and pushed him away, rather roughly. Niall fell backwards on the couch, breathing rapidly. Zayn was as well, running a hand through his sweaty hair and sitting with an obvious erection in his lap. There was an uncomfortable silence between them, the only thing filling the air was their ragged breath.

Zayn was the first one to break it, finally speaking once he composed himself, “Niall, what the hell was that? Are you crazy?”

It was harsh, but Niall had just tried to get Zayn to fuck him.

Niall stared at the ceiling, flushed and embarrassed. To be honest, Niall didn't know what came over himself. He sat up, resting most of his weight on his forearms. He looked at Zayn with a wide eyes, and a panicked look on his face. “I... don't know... please, don't leave me,” he begged. He couldn't stand the thought of being alone right now.

Zayn sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, “I... I'm not leaving Niall. Fuck, of course I'm not.” He motioned for Niall to come closer, and he obliged, not ready to leave the safety of Zayn's arms. “Just Niall... you can't do that.”

“Sorry,” Niall spoke dumbly.

“Don't apologize... I get it, your upset and hurting, but...” Zayn let out a deep breath, “You can't do that to me, Niall. Do you realize what exactly you were doing?” The older rubbed comforting circles into his back, making the Irishman sigh in content. “Niall... if I slept with you, you'd just be doing to me what Harry did to you. I can't let you do that to yourself, Nialler.”

Niall's heart sank. Zayn was right. Zayn was always right. He felt like shit, like the worst kind of scum there was. How could he? Was he really that low, that selfish, to where he would use his best friend, knowing how it felt, knowing what it was like to be used? He hated himself a little more for that, was ashamed of what he tried to force Zayn into. Zayn was so good, too good for him.

“Oh God, Zayn, I,” Niall could feel the tears coming once more to his already red eyes, this time over Zayn's kindness. “I'm so sorry... I'm horrible, I-”

“You're not, Niall, you really aren't.” Zayn pulled him closer, hating the way Niall spoke about himself. “You could never be horrible. 

They laid on the couch, Niall resting on top of Zayn, and the Bradford boy kept his word and comforted him all night. He rubbed his back gently, letting Niall cuddle and cry into his chest, and was pleased to find Niall had fallen asleep quickly in his arms. He ran his fingers through those faded locks, and leaned over to give a small kiss on the top of his forehead. Niall looked so peaceful, so worn out. It pained Zayn to see him this way, the brokenhearted look still apparent on his face, even in sleep. Niall was such a good person, and he didn't even realize it.

“Don't ever apologize, Niall, for being human."

Zayn drifted off to sleep as well, his arms still tightly wrapped around Niall's thin body.

Chapter Text

Harry and Louis didn't sleep at all that night, but they never felt so well rested.

They laid underneath Louis' covers, Harry's head resting on Louis' bare chest. Louis ran his fingers through that mop of curly locks, and gazed down into his lover's eyes. He couldn't believe that he was finally able to call this perfect human being his, to touch him and hold him like this. It was as if nothing existed in the world, besides Harry's green eyes and Harry's perfect lips and Harry's beautiful body. And Louis felt if he could stay like this forever, just the two of them together like this, he could be happy throwing away everything else.

Harry broke out into a smile, his teeth peaking out, “Hey.”

Louis grinned back, “Hey yourself, love.”

Harry giggled, breathless. He let his fingers trail patterns across Louis chest, tracing the tattoos inked across, “How did I get so lucky, to meet you?”

Louis smiled, “I was thinking the same thing.”

“You were?”

“Of course,” Louis lift Harry's head to meet him for a quick kiss, then smirked, “I'm absolutely fantastic.”

Harry grabbed a pillow and hit him with it, laughing, “Jerk!”

The laughter filled up the entire room, contagious. Louis grabbed Harry and kissed him between outbursts, until the kisses became slower and slower, and lasted long enough for Louis to start a leisurely snog.

Harry moved closed to sit in Louis' lap, the older now leaning against the headboard for support. Their tongues tangled together, their fingers intertwined, and Harry gazed down at Louis' beautiful face before lifting his lovers head to meet him for a kiss once more. They melted together, basking in the light coming from the window, and the white sheet now barely covering their lower half. Harry felt safe, loved in Louis' arms, and found himself wishing this moment would never end.

They broke apart for air, but the distance between them was minimal. Harry could feel Louis' breath, and his crystal blue eyes were so close Harry could feel himself becoming cross eyed staring into them. He laughed, breathless, and found himself singing so quietly Louis could barely hear it. But once he realized it, he found himself singing along. And they sat there, singing quietly to each other, only audible enough for the other to hear 

“Truly, Madly, Deeply I am
Foolishly, completely fallen,
And somehow you kicked all my walls in.
So baby say you'll always keep me,
Truly, Madly, Crazy, Deeply in love
With you.

In love, with you."

They pressed their foreheads together, and their hands were intertwined. Harry closed his eyes, and a smile came upon his face. Louis followed suit, and felt as if there was no place he'd rather be, but with Harry, the younger sitting on his lap.

“I love you, Harry Styles.”

“I love you, Louis Tomlinson.”

They would never get tired of that.

Xxxx

Liam unlocked Harry and Louis' apartment with his spare key, and was careful not to make too much noise as to startle them. It wasn't that they had any real plans today, no big events, but Liam had gotten a call from Danielle saying he might want to check up on all the boys, perhaps plan to at least hang out for a few hours today. He didn't want to admit it, but it did still hurt hearing her voice on the phone, so he got off the phone quickly, not even giving the girl a chance to say goodbye properly. After all, how could she expect he would be fine with her calling after just breaking up? Things like that take time.

Even though he understood things wouldn't work out between the two of them, that Danielle was in love with someone else, Liam still loved her. So while he knew that they would stay friends, things like actually being able to talk would take a little bit more time.

Normally, Liam wouldn't just walk into their apartment and knock first, but he had been knocking for about five minutes. So he decided that since the two of them gave him a spare key anyway, this was the perfect time to actually use it. It was nine thirty in the morning, and if the two of them weren't awake by now, it was Liam's duty to force the two out of bed.

The first thing he noticed that was off about the apartment, was that while everything was relatively clean, their was a full cup of tea sitting at their coffee table. Not only that, but the kitchen counter had a lot of their spices and herbs knocked over. Their dishes weren't done, and the fridge door must have been slightly ajar all night. Liam hoped it wasn't anything serious, slightly worried that Harry and Louis might have gotten in trouble or some sort of fight.

He went into Harry's room first, and had a sick feeling when he realized that Harry's bed was absolutely untouched. Liam knew, in his head, that it was highly possible that Harry stayed over at Niall's and Louis just locked himself up in his room to sulk and mope by himself and sleep in late, but Liam was worried. Liam always worried excessively, and looked after the others like a mother would over her children. So he shut the door, and made his way to the end of the hall.

He hesitated only for a moment before opening Louis' door.

And instantly regretted not knocking first.

Liam stood in the doorway, frozen at the sight of this two best friends naked and kissing with such fever and passion it surpassed any porn or love story Liam had ever seen. His eyes scanned the two against his will, taking in the way Louis' hand gripped Harry's curls so tightly it looked as if he'd pull his hair out, taking in the way Harry's long limbs draped over Lou's toned body. It was frantic and slow and rough and gentle all at the same time, and obvious they were so lost in their own world they still didn't notice Liam's presence in the room. Liam suddenly felt as if he was intruding, witnessing something so intimate and loving, something so passionate Liam didn't deserve to know about it. His cheeks turned a blood red and his jaw dropped comically as he stood lamely in the door way.

It was then Harry's green eyes opened to glance at Liam, who grew ten shades darker at being discovered. Harry broke away from Louis to grab at the sheets, his cheeks flushed an embarrassed shade of red and Lou sat up, confused for a second before noticing Liam standing there. Liam stuttered out an apology, “I'm s-so S-s-s-s-sorry!!! I'll j-just wait outside!!!” and finally pulled away, his eyes squeezed shut and head to the floor in shame. He slammed the door shut and walked into the living room, even more humiliated hearing their laughter as he collapsed on the couch.

He took a minute to gather himself, trying to stop his heart from beating so fast and his mind from traveling into thoughts that he never wanted to have in the first place. He couldn't believe it, that he had just walked in on the two of them shagging at nine thirty in the morning. It was so reckless, so careless and stupid but Liam was just so happy and ecstatic at the same time. He couldn't get the image out of his head, the two of them naked in a room that smelled of sex and sweat, so enamored and immersed in one another that they didn't even hear him open the door, didn't even see him until what felt like minutes after. Liam hated himself for interrupting them, not only because he completely acted like a perverted lech and stood there, but he ruined such a beautiful and intimate moment between the two, well, lovers now. And Liam felt guilty, because he couldn't deny he found the entire thing, well, hot. He didn't want to think of his two friends like that, but it was just so dirty and loving and sexy that Liam now was sporting a guilty hard-on.

God, how long had it been since he got laid? Liam couldn't remember. The last time he and Danielle did anything like that, it had turned out an absolute disaster. I wasn't that they didn't want to have sex, it was just Danielle's movements were off and Liam just couldn't find the best way to get himself fully aroused, and all their touching and foreplay only really accomplished leaving them both unsatisfied and awkwardly spooning. He vaguely wondered if he should have realized something was wrong between them then, but pushed it to the back of his mind. Liam stared at his shameful crotch, trying to think of anything to get rid of bulge in his pants before Harry and Louis finally caught back up to reality and joined him.

When it didn't work, he unwillingly settled for just “casually” crossing his legs and placing a hand strategically in his lap.

After having a few more minutes to gather himself, Liam looked towards the hallway, and couldn't help but cough as the two (thankfully clothed) band mates made their way towards the couch, hands intertwined firmly.

“Um...” Harry started, cheeks only slightly pink, “Sorry about that, mate-”

“It's alright,” Liam spoke quickly, scratching nervously behind his ear, “I should have knocked.”

“You can say that again,” Louis scoffed, earning him a scolding nudge in the arm from Harry.

“Lou...”

“Right, sorry about that.”

“Let's just forget about it,” Liam hastily suggested, and a wave of relief came over all three.

“Agreed.”

It was scary how the two of them could be in unison like that.

“Um...” Liam started, not sure what to say. “I'm really happy for you two... I mean, I'm real happy you two finally wised up and got together. I'm completely supportive, you know that, Louis.”

“Yeah,” he grinned, his eyes crinkling at the sides, “I know.” He turned to Harry, “Besides, well, El, Liam's basically the first person I came out to, and that was only a week ago, when we finished up our last gig for the tour.”

“So I've known about all this for a short while, but I'm glad everything worked out.” It was easier for Liam to smile, now that the awkward event of this morning behind them. “I always knew there was something special about you two.”

Harry smiled, overwhelmed. “And Niall already knows, about everything too. He's known since forever.”

Liam nodded, the wheels turning in his mind. That explained why Harry and Niall grew closer than ever, because Harry relied on Niall for support when he was unsure of how Louis felt about him. Maybe that was why Niall seemed so... not himself. Because Harry was his best friend, and it hurt him just as much? That sounded a lot like him, caring so much for his friend. But at the same time, it didn't seem quite right.

“So Zayn is the only one who doesn't know, out of the five of us?”

“Right.”

The damn synchronized answers really creeped Liam out.

“Well then,” Liam stood up, stretching, “Let's go get Niall and tell Zayn then. I originally was coming over so all of us could do something together today, that wasn't exactly band related, you know?”

“Well,” Louis winked, teasing, “Since the mood was already killed for today, I don't see why not... but it seems like you're not exactly turned off.”

Harry chuckled, and Liam glanced down at his crotch, still half hard.

His face turned red once more.

“Oh God.”

“It's okay,” Harry started, “I mean, it's only natural...”

“Please Harry...”

“I mean, we are really hot, I know I'd get turned on to if I walked in on me-”

“Louis, no. Just stop.”

Xxxx

Harry made breakfast for the three of them quickly, Louis doing his best to slow down the process by any means. which mostly consisted of him constantly flirting and touching and kissing Harry whenever possible. Liam felt awkward and honored at the same time, watching the two young and new lovers interact. They were so domestic, in the whole, “Newlyweds who just moved in,” sort of way. And it made sense, he guessed, since both of them felt as if they'd known each other their whole life. For those two, “love at first sight,” was the term that described them. Even if they didn't know it at the time, Liam realized those two had something others only dream of.

Liam wondered if he would find something so raw and real and perfect for himself. But watching the two made him feel it belittled them to even compare any relationship to what they had. It was so insane, absurd, but Liam felt like, well, he didn't deserve to have it, because it was theirs. He didn't even feel worthy to watch it, let alone be best friends with two people so completely devoted. He felt stupid, but couldn't help it.

After they ate, the three made their way to Niall's flat, Harry and Louis both getting in the backseat of Liam's car. It was a short drive, one they could easily walk, but fame had some disadvantages when it came to how much freedom they had. Furthermore, Harry and Louis didn't feel like walking out in public, faced with the fact they couldn't act anymore than friends out in the open like that. Liam felt bad for them, but once the five of them talked it over, Liam didn't think it would be a problem letting them be public about it... Liam didn't mind, in fact, he understood completely.

What's the point of living your dream if you can't be you while doing it? Liam didn't care about management or any contract at this point. If it came at the cost of happiness, was it really worth it? This wasn't the first time Liam thought about this, and he had a feeling he'd be thinking of it a lot now. He only hoped that Niall and Zayn shared the same sentiment, because without all five agreeing to risk their career on this, Liam wouldn't let Harry or Louis do anything as reckless in public. He wasn't even sure if that was what they wanted, for the entire world to see them out in the open, to be able to judge, more than they already did.

Liam would say none of them thought being famous and living their “dream” would be this hard.

He parked the car on the street, then the three of them made their way to his door. Liam led the way, and went to knock on the door when he realized that it wasn't closed all the way. He pushed the door open, and what he saw scared him to death.

The entire place was destroyed, knocked over on the floor. There were dishes everywhere, a cracked mirror, books thrown on the floor and toppled over shelves... As if there was a struggle or fight or a break in. The only consolation was that Niall seemed to be perfectly fine, sleeping on the couch, laying on top of an sleeping, shirtless, comforting.... Zayn.

“Oh God.” Harry spoke first, looking around the room. “What happened here?” His voice was dripping with concern.

Louis took in the room, picking up a tossed book, and then tossing it to the ground once more. He chuckled nervously, “Well, the place looks trashed... but those two seem more than okay.”

Liam blinked, and snapped out of his sudden daze. He frowned, walking hastily towards the two sound asleep on the couch and shook Zayn firmly on the shoulder.

Zayn stirred for a moment, groaning before stretching, “Ni, you wake up.” He blinked, voice rough.

“Zayn.”

He blinked, and turned his head towards Liam, and yawned.

“Oh, hey Liam.”

“Don't 'hey Liam' me, what's going on here?” His voice grew louder against his will, and he couldn't help the angry feeling in the pit of his stomach. “The entire apartment is trashed.”

“The bedroom too...” Harry called from down the hall.

“Yeah, and why are you half naked sleeping with our Irish friend here?” Louis grinned, walking over to poke Niall on the cheek, making him stir.

Zayn shook Niall gently awake. “Nialler, babe, wake up.”

Niall yawned and opened his eyes, blinking at Zayn dreamily.

“Ooooo, you call him babe now?” Louis teased, nudging Liam in the arm, “Here that Li? Looks like Harry and I aren't the only ones getting hitched.”

Harry walked up beside Louis, grinning, “We're getting married now?”

“Well, not yet.” He smiled back.

Liam took in Zayn's appearance, his chest bare, loose sweatpants hanging off his hip. Niall laying on top of him, cuddling Zayn as if he was a stuffed toy or some sort of pillow, arms curled in as if laying on a... lover.

The thought made Liam... well, it didn't settle very well.

Niall blushed, and scrambled away to the opposite side of the couch. He stuttered, “W-wait, it's not what it looks like!!!”

Zayn sat up and yawned. “What does it look like, exactly?” He scratched his head, voice still sleepy.

Niall's blush became scarlet. “Z-Zayn!!!”

Oh, it was exactly what it looked like.

Liam took a few steps back and walked into the kitchen. “Jesus, this place really is a mess.” He stared at the food on the wall, what looked like to be some sort of Italian dish, and took a deep breath.

Why was he so angry, he should be more concerned and worried about his friends well being!

“Are you alright, Niall? What happened here?” Harry asked, walking over to his best friend and took his hand, concerned.

“Um...” Niall looked away from Harry towards Zayn, as if begging Zayn to come up with an answer. Liam frowned.

Zayn cleared his throat, “Um, last night I invited Niall over to my flat for some late night gaming, for a beer or two, and when we got back, the apartment was... like this...”

“Yeah...” Niall nodded, sighing, and scratching the back of his head. Liam noticed how the Irishman wouldn't make eye contact with Harry, but said nothing of it.

“Oh no... I'm sorry, Ni.” Harry reached out to hold Niall's hand lovingly, and Liam didn't miss the jealous look that flashed in Louis' eyes before he relaxed, putting a hand on Harry's shoulder.

Even now, Louis was overly possessive of Harry.

“Did you two call the police and file a report? How come the security system didn't go off?” Louis asked, hand still on Harry.

“Um...” Niall scratched his arm nervously, hating the way he was put on the spotlight. “I forgot to shut the door, and turn it on... and I don't really want to...”

Liam could tell it was an absolutely lie.

“Why not?” Louis asked, obviously annoyed and angered for his friend, “The bastard deserves to get caught.”

“I don't... well, I don't really want the publicity.” Niall sighed, uncomfortable, and Zayn reached over to put an arm around him. He instantly relaxed, the tension falling from his face, “I'd rather not have this get out.”

Liam flinched.

“I tried convincing him, but to be honest, it's not worth it. We'll just talk about maybe moving him to a different apartment, or he could always stay with me until it all blows over-”

“Niall can stay with me.”

The words came out of his mouth without even the slightest thought or hesitation.

Niall looked up at Liam, and he felt as if his heart might break in to at the sight. His eyes were so tired, so lonely, so... sad. Nothing like the ones Liam knew, not at all like the ones Liam remembered. It hurt him, so much, to see Niall so torn up, in so much pain. Liam wanted to ask him what did this to him, why he wasn't eating, why he wasn't as energetic or happy... He wanted to fix this.

“Oh, Liam, it's fine, you don't have to. I can just stay over at-”

“No, it's fine, believe me. I want you to.”

Niall looked at Zayn with a panicked expression, and that kind of hurt more than he expected. All Liam wanted to do was look after his friend, make sure he got better. What, was he not good enough? What was so wrong with staying with Liam? Wasn't he just as much of a friend as Zayn? What did Zayn have that he didn't? Why did the idea of Niall staying with Zayn bother him so much? It shouldn't matter, but it did, more than Liam would like to admit.

Zayn looked over at him, and Liam felt as if Zayn was looking into his soul. It made him feel nervous, uncomfortable, but he refused to back down. After a few seconds, that felt like minutes, a small smirk graced Zayn's annoyingly beautiful face.

Liam had the sudden urge to walk over their and punch the look off his face. And it seemed like Zayn could tell, because the expression fell very quickly from his face and he coughed awkwardly.

“I think you might be in better hands with Liam than with me.”

Niall didn't even argue. He just nodded, defeated. He looked in Liam's general direction, but not at him.

“Okay then, Li.”

It was silent after that, the five of them standing or sitting awkwardly without much to say. Liam suddenly felt really stupid, making such a big deal out of who Niall would stay with while sorting all of this out. It shouldn't matter, who he stayed with as long as it was one of them. The truth was, while Harry and Louis weren't available for obvious reasons (as in Niall probably wouldn't enjoy hearing them go at it like rabbits all night), and it was obvious Niall didn't want to stay with Liam. All of them knew it was Zayn who Niall wanted to be around. But Liam refused to have it any other way. He didn't even know what came over him, just that he didn't like the idea of Niall staying anywhere else.

This had to be one of the most awkward mornings Liam ever had the misfortune of enduring. 

It was Louis who spoke first, clearing his throat, “Well, then... are we all just going to stand around? This place is a disaster, let's get it cleaned!” He clasped his hangs together, smiling wide.

“I...” Niall sighed, “I'm sorry guys, I don't want you guys to have to clean this-”

“Don't be.” Harry smiled softly, his hand squeezing tighter and Niall's face went just the lightest shade of pink, “We all want to help.”

Louis smiled, “And besides, it all gives us something to do today.”

“You know you won't help all that much.” Harry looked over at his lover, and grinned.

“Oh, you know I'll help... some. 

Liam could tell by the way they stared into each others eyes, it was taking every fiber of their being not to kiss the other.

“Alright, take it easy Lovebirds, the sexual tension is killing me.”

All of them laughed at Zayn's remark, and even found himself with a small smile.

“So you heard from Niall last night then?” Harry asked, still laughing.

“Yes. But to be honest, I thought you two would figure it out sooner. It sure took you a while, I was getting worried I was going to lose the bet with Perrie and the rest of the girls for a second there. Thanks for not disappointing me.”

“You placed a bet on our relationship status with Little Mix?” Louis asked, amused.

“And Olly. But he's probably forgotten about it by now, that one was awhile ago.”

Liam could tell that Niall was getting antsy by the way he brought his index figure to his mouth and chewed at the nail. “Anyway,” He interjected, “Let's at least get this place as back to normal as we can today.”

“I agree.” Zayn stood up, and stretched out properly. “Let's get started. 

Liam examined Zayn, giving him a once over before walking into Niall's bedroom and grabbing the closest shirt on the floor to throw at him.

“Put a shirt on first,” He said quickly.

“Sure thing.” Zayn smirked.

If only Liam's glare could murder. Damn Zayn, he'd make sure to talk him alone today if it was the last thing he did.

He had a few questions for his laid back friend, and he'd be damned if he didn't get an answer.

Chapter Text

The five of them were able to clean up the majority of Niall's flat by seven that afternoon.

Granted, most of his items were stacked off to the side, nothing was really put up properly, and Louis wasn't much help besides getting Niall to give a small smile every time he made a joke or did something stupid, but all in all, Liam thought it went pretty well. Harry and Louis went to get some Nandos for lunch to try to cheer up Niall some. And besides the fact it took them over an hour to find their way back (to no ones surprise and Niall's dismay, Liam noticed), Niall did eat some of the food. But it wasn't nearly as much as Liam was used to seeing him eat. That pained him to see Niall so much thinner looking, as if he just didn't eat any more. It worried him to death; was Niall developing an eating disorder? Liam hated thinking about that, and tried to push the thought into the back of his head.

Along with how he hated thinking of the way Niall was hanging by Zayn's side, like he was his lifeline. He understood that the boy must be shaken quite a bit, and that he hadn't been really normal for the past few months, but Liam couldn't help but feel insulted that Niall would rather seek comfort from Zayn than from him. Because really that's all Liam wanted, to help Niall and to make sure he was okay and back to normal. And Zayn, well, Liam really didn't think Zayn could do that for him. Sure, Zayn was as much of a friend as him, and he was also there when the flat was found trashed, and they had spent the entire night together on the couch, Niall laying on top of Zayn's shirtless body and God knows what else, and obviously Niall would prefer his company more.... But Liam just did not think Zayn being around Niall all the time, living together temporary or anything else like that was a good idea because-

Well, because!

He just didn't like it, okay?

Liam let out a heavy sigh, finally finished with cleaning up the beer and lasagna that was thrown in the kitchen, and wiped the sweat off his brow. He didn't mind that Niall, Louis, and Harry stopped working sometime ago, Harry and Louis cuddling into Niall on either side and watching a movie on the small telly. He was glad that although Harry and Louis were obviously wanting to spend as much time as they could alone together, that, for now, they were trying to make Niall feel more comfortable. And it seemed like it was working, Niall calm and watching the movie with interest. At least whatever was bother him wasn't getting to him too bad at the moment.

He looked out the patio door, watching Zayn as he took another drag from his cigarette. Liam frowned in disapproval, hating the way Zayn smoked, knowing the dangers and how he will most likely die from it. He was glad Niall was staying with him, at the very least for not having cigarettes around to tempt him while he was in such a... weak state.

God, what was wrong with him? He sounded like he hated Zayn, which he didn't. He loved Zayn. Zayn was his brother, all of the boys were. So why did he feel this way? It just wasn't good for him. Not at all. He had to talk to Zayn, had to figure out what was going on, figure out if he knew anything about Niall's condition. He had to know anything that Zayn knew, he had to find a way to help Niall. And, he needed to find out what happened last night between Zayn and Niall.

Because...

He just needed to know.

“You okay in there, Li?” Louis spoke up, stretching his neck to look behind him at Liam from the couch. “You look like you just saw a bunch of kids try to beat up an... injured racoon.”

“I'm fine.” Liam said, still staring at Zayn from afar. His friend was leaned up against a small tree, dropping a cigarette bud on the ground. He watched as Zayn put out the fag, and take his pack out from his coat pocket to lite up another. A small smile graced his friend's face, one that Liam couldn't help but feel was loving, yet secretive. It pissed him off.

“I'm just going to join Zayn outside for a minute. Get some fresh air.” He yawned, and turned to give Louis a reassuring smile.

“Alright then.” Then Louis turned his attention back to the screen, and Harry and Niall.

Liam's eyes drifted over to look at Niall, or well, the back of his head. He felt something, sadness, sympathy, concern, care... he didn't know what. But it kind of hurt, and put a pain in his chest. He tore his eyes away, and walked outside to join Zayn, shutting the door behind him. Zayn looked up at Liam briefly, before turning his attention back to his cigarette.

He needed answers.

Liam walked over to Zayn, folding his arms across his chest and looking serious. “Zayn.”

He looked up, acknowledging his presence, and took a drag from the cancer stick. “Hey, Liam.”

“What happened last night.”

It wasn't a question, it was a demand. 

Zayn coughed a little, surprised. “Well, that's forward.” He chuckled, as if he was expecting this all along. Which he probably was, considering how Zayn always seemed to know what was going to happen before anyone else.

“Someone couldn't have broken in here, it just doesn't seem possible. And what were you doing at his house.”

Zayn looked almost amused, “Niall and I can't just hang out without you or the others there? Honestly Liam, I called up Niall last night to talk cause I couldn't sleep and we hung out.”

“Why was his apartment wrecked, Zayn. I need to know.”

“I told you already.”

“You were lying, both of you. Who did it, you?”

Zayn glared, any look of amusement wiped clean from his face, “You really think I would do that to Niall?”

Liam blinked, taken back from the anger apparent in his voice.

“N... No, but... who did it then? Why were you over at Niall's, sleeping-” Liam hesitated, not knowing how to continue with the sentence, “Why were you and Niall sleeping on the couch together?”

Zayn blinked, looking at Liam as if for the first time. He spoke cautiously, “What does it matter? He was upset, and I was there for him. That's it.”

Liam swallowed back the irritation as far back as he could, and tried to speak calmly. He didn't want to think of it, but the question came out before he could take it back, “Did you... Did you sleep with him?”

Zayn didn't look surprised at the question, but he still didn't answer right away. Instead, he just continued inspecting Liam, looking at his crossed arms, taking in the serious tone of his voice, the way his brow was strained, but his eyes were soft, as if vulnerable.

He held a curious tone, as if searching for an answer himself, “Why do you care?”

“Because-” Liam paused. That was a good question: why did he care? As long as he was there for Niall, if it was what he wanted, why did he care? He was happy, supporting, and slightly aroused when he had discovered Louis finally had the courage to tell Harry of his feelings. So if Zayn had slept with Niall, if they were together, what did it matter? As long as it helped Niall, what did it matter if Zayn was the one to comfort him? But Liam had to say something, he had to have a reason for not liking, no, loathing the idea of the two of them together. 

“Well... N-Niall is really hurting right now, you know that, it's obvious something is wrong with him. And he's in a really vulnerable state right now, and he doesn't eat like he used to and he doesn't know what he wants right now and you...”

Zayn put out his cigarette, only half way burned, and looked up at Liam, waiting for him to continue.

“Uh...” Liam hesitated. God, this was harder than he would like to admit. He didn't have a good reason. He trusted Zayn, he knew that Zayn would never lead Niall on or use him, it would be stupid to even suggest or hint that Zayn might be taking advantage of him. He stood, dumbfounded, trying to think of something, anything to say.

“I just... I need to know if you did because... It's not what Niall needs right now, and...”

Zayn had a small smile on his face, as if Liam was a naïve child or that he knew something Liam didn't, and it pissed him off. It just seemed as if Zayn was pissing him off all day today, and he couldn't say why. Liam glared at Zayn, angry and annoyed for making him look like a stuttering fool.

“Did you have sex with him last night or not?”

Zayn smirked, “Wouldn't you like to know?”

That was it. Was more than pissed.

He was fucking livid.

Liam clenched his fist, wanting more than anything to punch the smirk straight off of Zayn's smug face. He hated it, looking at those gorgeous brown eyes and perfect jawline and dark skin and perfect hair. He hated thinking of Zayn touching Niall's pale skin and kissing his pink lip and pleasuring him intimately all night on that damned couch in the living room where their three band mates were currently watching The Avengers. He hated thinking that Zayn comforted Niall, was their for him and held and slept with him close all night instead of-

Liam froze. No, he didn't think that. He wasn't- No. 

No.

Something flickered in Zayn's eyes, as if he knew exactly what Liam was battling in his mind right now. He grabbed Liam's arm, and pulled Liam fast to switch positions. He cornered Liam, pinning him between the trunk of the tree and Zayn's own slim body. He his eyes pierced Liam, with something that Liam couldn't help but feel was possessive and serious and intimidating, as if he was staring into Liam's soul. He breath hitched against his will, overwhelmed by feeling so unguarded and open and so close, his eyes so brown and face just centimeters away. He couldn't look away from him. It was crazy, how tightly Zayn held on to his arm, Liam didn't know Zayn was that strong. He bit his lip, unsure of what to do. He couldn't believe it, but his knees shook, he felt so out of control, so He couldn't move, even if he could overpower the older member easily.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, Zayn spoke, his voice quiet and low, “Oh, I see...”

Liam waited, as if his life depended on what he said next.

“You are jealous.”

Liam's eyes widened at that, his expression one of shock a disbelief. Jealous? Never. He finally moved, shoving Zayn away rather rough and stepping away so he wouldn't get cornered again. “Jealous? Come on man, that's not funny. Like I'd be jealous. Zayn, I'm... you know I like women.”

Zayn chuckled, “That doesn't mean anything, you know. So do I, and Harry doesn't have anything against them either.”

Liam shook his head in denial, “But I just... Zayn, I care for Niall, but I don't... don't be ridiculous, Zayn.” He said it, a tone of closure evident in his voice.

Zayn looked into Liam's eyes, his own soft, “Liam... Niall's not just hurting.”

Liam waited for Zayn to continue, crossing his arms once more.

“Liam,” he spoke gently, a begging tone present, “He's broken. It isn't something just anyone can fix. Don't you see, Liam, can't you can see it in his eyes? It's not his body, it's not his head. It's his heart.”

Liam stood, defeated. Niall's heart? Niall was brokenhearted because of someone? Their little Niall had fallen in love, and didn't tell a soul? How long had he been keeping this secret? Someone had rejected him so badly he couldn't even bring himself to eat right? How long had he been in love with them? Who?

Liam felt like murdering someone for the first time in his life, and he didn't even know who it was. He felt so... powerless. Like there wasn't anything he could do to help Niall with this. He understood what it was like to have loved and lost, and it hurt but he knew he'd be okay. But to never have been loved at all... He wish he could do something anything, but he felt trapped.

“Zayn, I...” he sighed, unsure of what to say, “I mean, I don't know what to do... Only time is going to heal this, I wish I could fix it and say everything will be okay but... I can't.”

Zayn looked at Liam, and emphasized every word with concern and understanding, “Liam, Niall needs someone. He needs to feel important, he needs someone to be there for him and help him through this. He needs someone to help him build his self-worth, he needs someone to help him realize how great he is. He needs a friend, Liam. He needs to feel needed. He needs to feel loved.”

Liam felt exasperated, frustrated, and his arms dropped to his sides in defeat. “Zayn, you can't ask me to do that. I... I don't like men. I want to help him, but I don't... I am his friend, Zayn, but you can't ask me to love him when I don't even know if I can.”

Zayn glared, his tone serious and threatening.

“He needs someone, Liam. And if you won't, then I will.”

“What's that suppose to mean?”

Zayn never answered, turning to look towards the opened door to the flat. Niall stood in the doorway looking at his two friends, unsure and with a meekness Liam had never seen in his entire life. Zayn was the first to walk over, attentive to his friend immediately and going to put a hand on his back. Liam made his way over as well, but chose to keep his hands on his side and instead opted to just watch.

“Um...” Niall spoke, and looked at Zayn, as if to try to tell him something without Liam figuring out what it was. “Harry and Louis went home. They decided to walk... seemed kind of antsy, ya know? And well... I told them it was okay.”

Zayn nodded, and Liam couldn't help but feel excluded, that Zayn had gotten the secret message without even thinking about it first. He watched as the grip on Niall's back tightened, and how Niall leaned into it, and that same angry, irritating feeling swelled up inside Liam once more. He looked at Niall's eyes, and found out Zayn was right: He could see just how broken he was. Niall's blue meet Zayn's, and Liam found himself hating this small exchange more and more with each passing second. Liam now had a feeling he now knew exactly what Zayn met.

It wasn't a threat. It was a promise.

“Listen,” Zayn spoke to Niall, “Maybe it would be best if you-”

“Got a few things you think you'll need before we head out, like some clothes, your wallet, um... anything else you might need.”

Liam interrupted Zayn for the second time that day, once again not thinking before he spoke.

Niall turned quickly to face Liam, as if he just realized he was there. Zayn retracted his hand from Niall, and took a few steps away to give the other two space. Liam's eyes met Niall's sad blues, and he couldn't help but feel that they were a storm of flooding emotions, something Liam had never seen before, and never wanted to see on Niall's face ever again. The blonde stood, frozen, before nodding slowly. Liam gave him a kind smile, and Niall made his own weak attempt at one before going back inside his house.

Zayn looked over at him, a sly smirk gracing his face. “Thanks, Li.”

He gave a weak pat on the back before excusing himself for the night, saying something about having to meet Perrie later on that night, and to tell Niall they'd talk later. Liam nodded, and tried to avoid looking at Zayn, feeling more embarrassed than before. Just before he left, Zayn turned around to look at Liam, and gave a small smile.

“Oh, and Liam?”

He looked up from the ground to see his smile turn smug.

“I didn't have sex with Niall.”

And with that, his friend left him, confused and unsure. Liam sighed, and ran a hand though his short hair. What was he going to do?

How was he supposed to mend a broken heart, when he didn't even know how?

Liam went inside to find Niall with a small bag slung around his shoulder, a snapback on his head, and a half smile on his face. Liam found himself staring at his friend, wondering just how he was going to do this. How was he going to be able to bring that energetic smile? How was he going to be able to help his friend heal back to himself? Niall never let anything get him down before, so why was this time so different? How could Liam, of all people, be able to help? He knew the moment he interrupted Zayn, was the moment he had agreed to take up this task, but how could he do it when his own smile hadn't come back completely?

With Louis, it was easy. All he had to do was listen to him, advise him to talk to Harry about his feelings, and tell him how obvious it was that Harry loved him just as much. But with Niall, it was different. Liam couldn't just reassure him the person he liked loved him back; it was obvious they didn't, whoever they are. Liam had to be the one to help him get over them. But Liam couldn't... fall in love with someone when he still loved someone else. Let alone another guy, someone he viewed as a brother. 

Zayn was asking too much of him. 

"So..."

Niall's voice pulled him from his thoughts.

"Ya ready to go, Li?" He gave the best smile he could, and Liam almost frowned again at the sight of Niall trying to hard. Now that he knew what was wrong, it was as if he could see every little fake gesture too clearly.

"Yeah," Liam gave his friend an awkward smile, and grabbed his keys on the way to the door, he turned the knob and held it open. "After you?"

Niall chuckled lightly, "I'm not a girl ya know, Li," but he walked out the door anyway. Liam shut it, and made sure it was locked behind him.

He had a feeling these next few weeks we're going to be long...

Chapter Text

The next week went by fast, the five of them not having a chance to slow down, or for Liam to even begin cracking through this defensive wall Niall apparently raised up.

Their work began once more that Monday, with an interview eight o' clock that morning. Liam didn't want to wake up Niall early, but they did have to be up by five if they wanted to be at the TV studio at six. So Liam made sure that Niall's few belongings were already situated in the extra bedroom that night before, and gave a quick talk about how Niall should try to get some sleep for the morning. And after Liam took a shower, did his morning run, and made sure to make a good, healthy breakfast for him and Niall, he woke up his new flatmate up as nicely as he could.

He was glad that Niall seemed to at least be making himself at home, freely using the shower and not feeling awkward about just sitting down and grabbing the plate in front of him to eat. Of course, those were just things all five of them did to each other on a regular basis. But it made Liam feel good, that Niall at least felt free to do whatever he wanted. And Liam didn't want to voice it out loud, but it was really nice, having Niall there. When Liam came back to his flat once their tour was done to start their week long 'absolutely nothing is going to be going on' break, Danielle had already taken the liberty of moving everything that belonged to her out of the flat, leaving no trace that she had even lived with him at all. 

And well, that kind of hurt more than Liam would like to admit. But he wouldn't say anything about it. What was done was done, and nothing Liam did could fix what happened between him and Danielle. Especially when there wasn't anything to 'fix' anymore. So he spent that first week distracting himself from his empty flat, visiting his family and working out more often and seeing a few friends he rarely got to talk to. He only really stayed at his place to sleep, and even then it didn't come easy. Most nights, Liam would find himself staring at the ceiling, feeling small on such a big bed, trying (and failing) to ignore the empty space beside him.

So having someone else, like Niall, who was living with him and someone Liam could look after... it felt nice. And he could actually get a decent amount of sleep at night, knowing someone else was in the other room.

The two pop stars left and barely made it to the studio on time, but Liam didn't mind, and it was obvious neither did Niall.

The interview was rather basic, the early morning talk show host just asking questions on when they could expect a new album, what their stadium tour would be like, how it feels to be the five biggest pop stars in world... and of course, the girls.

The first girl the busty, matured woman asked about was Perrie, of course. And Zayn blushed only slightly and nodded like he was supposed to, telling the woman all about how Perrie was a beautiful, charming girl that Zayn absolutely was glad to be in a relationship with. It took all of Liam's will power not to laugh, as bad as that sounded. But he knew although Perrie was in fact someone that all of them loved, Zayn didn't really respect her at all as a girlfriend, hitting on girls and guys alike, sometimes making out or even going so far as to sleep with other people. He loved Zayn, but Liam sometimes felt Perrie deserved better. She was smart and beautiful, she knew about Zayn's unfaithful ways. So why she stayed with him was beyond Liam's understanding.

He guessed the only person who knew why Perrie stayed with Zayn was... Perrie.

Eleanor was next, and it seemed like the way Harry sat back in his chair and visibly tensed when Louis commented smoothly about how she was doing fine made everyone in the room feel a little more than... awkward, to say the least. I mean, the four boys knew that Eleanor was just a beard for Louis, and that she was only legally bound to Louis by contract, but Harry was the jealous type. He didn't like hearing about Eleanor at all to begin with, and now having to share what was his with Eleanor, and the rest of the world... Let's just say that her contract would most likely be terminated early, regardless of what management felt. But, for now, he personally didn't blame Louis for not 'breaking up' with her yet.

But Liam, well, Liam would have to tell everyone he wasn't dating Danielle anymore, and that they were done... for good. And what better way to declare his new single status to the world than during a live interview? He didn't want to, but when the interviewer asked if Liam and his girl were still going strong, he thought it better be now or never.

“Actually, um...” He began, refusing to let his voice shake. He knew he would have to get over this, he knew that it wouldn't have lasted, so why was it so hard just to say it? “Danielle and I are no longer seeing each other. It's just one of those things where it wouldn't have worked out, and I know we'll still be good friends.”

It was quite hilarious actually, how the woman had to sit there and actually process exactly what Liam just confirmed. And lucky for him, it took her so long to compose herself that the station had to cut to commercial and Liam was saved the hardship of having to explain any more about how one of the powerhouse couples in One Direction was done for good. Louis reached across the other boys on the end of the couch to pat Liam on the back in an effort to comfort him, and Zayn gave a tight squeeze to his forearm before accusing himself to go have a smoke outside.

It was then that Liam realized he hadn't even told Harry and Niall about it, that after the initial breakup it was only Zayn and Louis in the room. Harry looked over at Liam, question filling his eyes, and Li instantly felt horrible. How could he forget to tell them? Why did he assume they already knew? In his defense, that entire week Liam was more focused on helping Louis build up enough courage to ask Harry out, instead of dealing with his own issues. Liam started to apologize to Harry for being so careless, but Louis grabbed onto his boyfriend's arm and dragged him off before Liam had to explain himself. God, he loved Louis for that.

“You and Dani broke up? Is that why I haven't seen her at your flat?”

Liam looked towards Niall, forgotting he was sitting right next to him, so quiet now a days... “Uh... yeah. She called me up. Said something about... how I didn't love her the way I thought I did.” Liam scratched the back of his head nervously, not wanting to bother Niall with this, especially when his friend was dealing with his own issues right now. Not only that, but it just... felt awkward, talking about what happened that night. “Said something about... how I loved her, but wasn't in love? I don't know, it's all sort of a blur.” He gave a strained, breathy laugh, and his hands fell into his lap.

“Oh...”

Liam looked down at his wrist, where Niall's pale hand rested as a sign of comfort. Liam watched intently, his eyes focusing too hard on the way Niall's slender fingers stretched out to hold his hand. He found his breath hitched in the most unexpected way, and his heart was beating faster, faster, as Niall curled his fingers around the top of his hand. There was something strange about the gesture, something about the unusual way Niall was holding his hand in comfort the made everything seem more... intimate...

He turned to face Niall, his brown eyes instantly gravitating towards the blue hues that now seemed so much closer than before. His stomach was doing flips at this point, and he couldn't help but think that Niall's eyes we're some of the prettiest he'd ever seen. It wasn't that he didn't know this before, but now it felt like he was seeing them, seeing Niall for the first time. His hair was darker than it used to be, but the blonde highlights throughout his hair reminded Liam of when they were younger, and when a cocky, friendly, bottle blonde with adorable crooked teeth and a thick accent first mentioned Louis' shoes. It made him think of potatoes, of a cocky grin as he laughed at some horrible joke he made himself. He thought of an energetic smile, and sparkling eyes as his hands strummed on an acoustic guitar at the beach.

Niall's blue eyes, so familiar and yet so different, reminded him of what used to be, what kind of person Niall truly was on the inside. And it hurt, it really hurt to think that Niall no longer felt like himself.

He knew he probably looked silly, staring like an idiot into his Irish mate's eyes in the middle of a bloody talk show set. But the world around them wasn't paying attention to the two of them and Liam just couldn't bring himself to care.

It was as if it was just hitting him, after all this time, how insanely beautiful Niall was as a person.

What felt like minutes was actually just a few brief seconds, however, and Niall broke from his gaze as his hand slowly retreated from Liam's. And for some reason, that Liam refused to understand, it left him feeling quite empty, as if Niall had taken something from him when he pulled away. He watched his friend's hands fidget in his lap, and his empty eyes gaze at the floor, as if he was unsure what to do.

“I'm sorry, Li, about Danielle.”

It took a second, but Liam could finally bring a smile on his face. He gave Nialla pat on the back, and stood up to stretch. He gazed down at Niall, his eyes warm and friendly.

“It's okay, Niall. Besides, I think having you around the flat to keep me company helps a lot.”

Liam really felt like he had just won a medal, when he saw a small smile appear on Niall's face.

“Thanks, Li.”

Tuesday started off hectic for Liam once more, waking up to a pounding coming from his front door and a pounding in his head. It had been a while, since the last time he had such a terrible migraine like this. Liam groaned, pushing the covers off his body and running for the bathroom quickly to grab two pain killers before opening the door for whatever fucking bastard thought it was okay to bash their fist into someone's front door this early in the morning.

And well, the unfortunate soul happened to be Harry, fuming and barging into Liam's house without even asking if he could be let in. Harry went into Liam's kitchen, pulling out his eggs and bread and cinnamon before cracking the eggs and beating them hard with the cinnamon in a bowel. Liam watched, confused as Harry grabbed a frying pan and lubricated it with butter furiously. Liam didn't even know cooking could be aggressive.

“Um, Harry... What are you doing?”

“Um... Cooking breakfast.” Harry lathered the pieces of bread with almost too much egg before putting the slices on the grill to cook. French Toast, Liam noted.

“Okay...” He sighed, rubbing his forehead with his index and forefinger. “Why are you doing this... in my kitchen?”

“Because I'd rather not be in mine, or anywhere in my flat for that matter.”

God, Harry could be stubborn sometimes.

“And... Why is that?”

“Louis.”

Why did that answer not surprise him?

“What did Louis do, Harry?”

Harry burned holes into his breakfast, fuming and stubborn. “It's what he hasn't done, Liam...”

It took Liam longer than he'd like to admit to realize what Harry was talking about.

“Oh...” He sighed, and sat down on a bar stool near Harry. “So... you two got into it this morning, huh?”

Harry didn't answer. Liam knew he hit a nerve somewhere, because Harry hated it when he and Louis argued. He watched, only somewhat sympathetic when Harry furiously rubbed his eyes to stop himself from crying.

“He... He doesn't want to, Liam. He doesn't want to come out...”

Liam walked over to Harry, putting an arm around his friends shoulders and leaning them both against the counter to relax. “Harry... Louis, he's...” He paused, trying to think of the best way to put it. “It's not that he doesn't want to, he's just scared... and within good reason, you know that. As of now, the only people who knows he's even gay are us four and Eleanor herself.”

“I know that.” Harry's lips tightened across his mouth, and he leaned into Liam's embrace. “It's just... I've waited. For over three years, I've waited. And it's not like we're taking it slow... there's no more reason to wait.”

Well, Liam definitely knew they weren't taking it slow.

“But, Harry...” He sighed, “Louis, he... He doesn't want to show it, but he really worries a lot, you know. He worries a lot about the fans, and how they'll react. He worries about us, how he doesn't want to be a bother to Niall and Zayn and me, and you too. He's worried, about more than just coming out and what other people think. He constantly is scared of possibly putting you in danger because some people might not like it, or that it might ruin all of our careers or if you will leave him because of pressure or what sort of hell our management would put us through if things came out... To him, right now, staying quiet... might seem like the easiest option.”

“But it's not.” Harry's answer was immediate. “All of that is stupid to worry about. Like I would ever care about something... so meaningless... Besides, it doesn't matter, death threats or a fake image, and you guys don't care... as long as I have him, I don't care. Nothing matters if I can't love him freely." 

It made Liam realize, how mature, how passionate and wise Harry really became these past few years of knowing him. In Harry's own way, he gained so much understanding, compassion... and at the same time, it seemed as if he hadn't changed at all. And Liam couldn't help but think maybe that was a good thing.

“Louis is... stubborn, a lot like you. He knows all that, but he still has doubt. His family doesn't even know... and in his head, he always thinks of the worst case scenario when it comes to what might happen to them if he does anything wrong. Besides, I don't think this is something that can just happen overnight. It takes... some amount of planning. Louis still has to 'break up' with Eleanor, ya know.”

“Right,” Harry scoffed, folding his arms across his chest, “She's doing 'fine'.”

Liam paused, and couldn't help but chuckle.

“Harry... you're not seriously jealous over what Louis said yesterday are you?”

“Yes, I am!” Harry looked at Liam, a serious pout on his face, “That would have been a perfect time to say they broke up right then, and he just coolly said what he always has. I don't want to share him with some girl. Why is it that she's allowed to claim Louis but I can't? Because I'm a male? I honestly don't understand it.”

“...I don't either... but Harry, you know they never were dating, she's under contract.”

“Yeah... he explained that to me but...” Harry's face softened as he curled into Liam once more, appreciating the comfort. “I don't like... feeling jealous.”

“It's normal to feel Jealous, Haz. It's something you can't control. Just like Louis' irrational feel. He has to find the courage himself.”

Harry sighed, “I get that... but he better break up with her soon, at least.”

“I think he plans on it, actually. Eleanor and him are supposed to be going out next Thursday, right? If anything, she has a plan, cause she supports you two, Louis told me that.”

A small smirk came across Harry's face, “Really?”

“Really.”

“I think the french toast is burning.”

The two boys turned to look at Niall, currently sitting where Liam was just a minute ago. And after Harry took their breakfast off the stove, the three of them ate in the living room. Liam didn't mention how he noticed Harry cuddling up to Niall's sides, or the way Niall stiffened as Harry filled him in on what Liam and him were talking about just a few seconds ago. And he most certainly didn't get jealous over the fact Harry got Niall to pull out a real smile, if only for a second as he gave him a kiss on the cheek goodbye.

And he wouldn't admit seeing the way Niall's mood visibly worsened throughout the day, after Harry and Louis came by to say they made up and were planning on speaking to management tomorrow about terminating Eleanor's contract and possibly about their relationship.

Wednesday was... interesting, to say the least.

It started off with the three boys sending off their favorite little gay couple to Modest! so they could visit their main Manager. While the five guys liked to piss everyone at Modest off all the time, they all were really thankful for everything they did. So, hopefully, they understood Louis and Harry were not going to be able to be apart any more. And if their immediate manager wouldn't agree, none of the boys were afraid to go to great lengths for Harry and Louis.

But Liam? Well, Liam had to go shopping. He was running out of food in the house and wanted to stock up on a few items, so after Zayn said a hasty goodbye and something about how Perrie wanted to meet up with him for lunch, Liam decided he would dragged Niall out of the house and with him on this shopping adventure.

It was kinda nice... Shopping with Niall. Of course there were a few people in the store that were staring, wondering if there really was two out of five boyband members currently shopping together at the local Tesco. But to Liam, he almost felt like he did on those few occasions when he was able to go out shopping with Danielle...

Liam wiped the thought from his mind, and put a few apples into a bag for the cart. With as much food as Niall was putting in, Liam wanted to make sure their was enough healthy foods for them both to enjoy. He didn't know how long Niall would be staying with him, but he needed to get food that both of them would enjoy, while still being good for them.

As Liam reached for the plums, his hand brushed up against a familiar pale one. He looked up, and greated the bubbly blonde with a polite, yet surprised smile. Why was she out grocery shopping, when she should be getting ready for a date with her boy?

“Perrie!” 

“Well, this is crazy! How are you, Liam?” She grabbed the plum Liam was going for and put it in her basket. He took in her appearance, and couldn't help but appreciate the cute, short overalls with her pink tank the clung to her chest nicely. Her hair looked good, put up in a messy bun and somehow giving her a refreshing look, but was by no means something he would imagine her wearing on a date. But Liam thought she looked quite fit.

Maybe he shouldn't be checking out his friend's girl.

“Um... Good.” He scratched his head, “Um... are you, well, I heard from Zayn you two had plans today.”

She blinked, and a look of confusion grew on her face, “Not that I know of... maybe he just said that so you wouldn't worry about him? I'm seeing him this weekend, I'll ask him about it.” She turned, and smiled at his companion. “Hi Nialler! How are you doing, it's not every day I get to see you guys.”

Niall gave a smile, and Liam couldn't help but notice how similar they were side by side. The blondish hair, and their blue eyes... not only how they both normally have a cheerful personality. Maybe Niall and Perrie should consider hanging out more, he was sure they'd become great friends.

“Nice ta see ya too, Perrie... How are the other girls?”

She laughed cheerfully, and it was as if it was lighting up the entire room. Liam really had no idea why Zayn had so much trouble staying faithful to her... she seemed fantastic, and quite a joy.

“Oh, they're great Niall, just great. It's nice to finally get a break, and we've been working very hard. I'm sure you guys know the feeling.” She brushed her bangs out of her eyes. “Well, I'm gonna go check out. You boys have a great time, okay?” She winked playfully before walking away.

He didn't like how she developed that devious smirk Zayn's been throwing his way the past few days.

“Perrie is really sweet.” Niall smiled, and turned to Liam, “No wonder Zayn thinks so highly of her.”

Liam sighed, “I guess so... but I don't understand why he'd lied about their 'date'. Why wouldn't he just say where he was going?”

“Zayn just doesn't like having to say what he's doing all the time. And it's not like Perrie doesn't understand him. If anything, I think she gets Zayn more than any of us.”

Liam loved seeing the found smile grace Niall's features, but he tried not to think of how he wished it was for him.

Thursday was probably one of the biggest highlights of One Direction's week, just because of the lovely, beautiful Eleanor. 

Wednesday night, Louis and Harry had gotten home, rage emitting from Louis' entire being, and Harry in silence, fighting back the urge to cry. Liam and Zayn, who should up at the couple's flat just a few minutes after Niall and him, spent the night trying to cheer up the boys after their unsuccessful talk with their head manager. Harry was squeezed in between Niall and Louis the entire night, resting his head on Niall's chest while Louis kept a tight grip on the younger one's hand the whole time. Zayn was on Louis' other side, an arm wrapped around his shoulder as they all watched The Notebook together. 

It was safe to say Louis wasn't even allowed to break up with Eleanor, let alone come out with Harry. In fact, there was something along the lines of, “You two better stop this fling you two have right now, because there's no way this can continue so long as you're in One Direction.”

And to be honest, the five of them seriously considered for a second what it would be like if they just quit. If they gave it all up.

But they knew they couldn't do that.

So in the morning, all four of them sent Louis off on his date with Eleanor, Harry giving him one of the most determined looks before leaning over to give him a long and sweet kiss. The way they looked at each other... it made Liam long to have that. Seeing the trust Harry had for Louis reflect in those green eyes, seeing the way the two of them kissed as if Liam, Zayn, and Niall weren't even in the room... It was hard, even if El and Louis didn't have feelings for each other, to send your boyfriend off to have a date with someone else. And Harry was handling it quite well.

They way Harry's arms naturally wrapped around Louis' waist, the way that Louis pulled Harry into his embrace by the neck... They fit together, perfectly...

“It's only for a while babe, I promise... she's just a friend, and she's happy for us... you know that.”

“...I know.”

And Harry shut the door behind his lover.

Liam took a deep breath, and finally tore his eyes away from Harry to take in how the surroundings had changed. Zayn was actually outside having a cigarette right now, and Niall apparently excused himself to the kitchen from the very start of it. Which meant Liam was the only one staring at the two of them in the first place...

Well then.

Now all the four of them had to do was wait....

And it didn't take very long for Louis to come back, only about three hours after he left for his supposed day with Eleanor. Apparently the date went horrible, really horrible, because Louis came into the flat with his grin that crinkled his eyes, and tackled Harry into the biggest hug he could, before grabbing Harry's face and pulling him down for a huge kiss. They pulled apart, and none of them expect Louis to say these words with as much enthusiasm as they did at that point.

“I love Eleanor!! She's so amazing Harry, she really is! You'll never guess what she did!”

Louis went on to explain himself, describing in detail of how the entire date happened. How he picked up Eleanor, and they went to the mall to shop. He talk about how he told her what happened the past few days, Harry and Louis' argument the other day. And after they got a cup of starbucks, that sat down outside, and he told her quietly about what happened the day before.

She sat there, with sad eyes, and bit her lip. He talked about how they threatened Louis if he broke up with her, and how Eleanor wouldn't be able to afford her University expenses that year if she we're to back out of the agreement herself. She sighed loudly, and Louis swore he saw tears threaten to shed as he went to hold her hand in his across the table.

But Eleanor suddenly slapped his hand away, and stood up loudly. Frustration and anger were the only two things apparent on her face, and Louis feared for his life at that moment.

“That's it LOUIS WILLIAM TOMLINSON! I am so sick of this!!”

And that sentence definitely got the attention of almost every single papparazzi member around them.

“W-What?” Louis asked, confused.

“I can't believe you! You're... you're a slob, you always expect that I'll do everything for you! And you- you never make time for me, ever! And then you come to me, with- with this?! I just can't take this anymore, all the guilt and, and hate and how you just never listen to me anymore! And you're always getting tattoos and changing yourself and you just- you're just like all those other guys!” She yelled loudly, making the most obnoxious scene Louis had ever seen before. It was like Eleanor turned into one of those dumb, stupid bimbos that sought attention wherever they went in less than ten seconds! And all he could do was stare at her, wide eyed and opened mouth as she continued blatantly ripping Louis a new one.

“El, what are you talking about?”

“You don't even know, do you?!” Tears streamed down her face, as she slammed her hand on the table and cameras flashed all around them, “You don't even know what I'm talking about! I thought you were different, Louis Tomlinson, I thought you were actually nice, and sweet, and caring!” She brought her hands to her face, weeping dramatically. “But I was wrong.”

“El, I don't even-”

“Don't speak!” she held her hand to his face to silence him, “You've said enough already! We're through, Louis, done! I love you, and someday maybe when I'm ready we can speak again, but I just can't bare to look at you right now.”

And without Louis really knowing what exactly was going on, well, Eleanor grabbed her bags, her latte, and the took out the earrings she was wearing (the ones Louis bought her as a birthday gift one year) and threw them at him.

“And take your stupid earrings back too! I'm sure they look much better on you than me!" 

And with that, Eleanor ran off leaving Louis confused and to deal with the paparazzi all alone. It took him a good five minutes to find his way to his car, drive away from the press, and a friendly text from El to realize exactly what she just did for him.

So, how are my acting skills, darling? You can thank me later Xxx

Eleanor just terminated the contract herself. She gave up all that money She just, very publicly, broke up with a member of One Direction. She made herself look like... an idiot in front of everyone... She made Louis look like completely and utter scum in front of the paparazzi... for him.

So, suffice to say, the date went fantastic.

And after a long, distressing, phone call with management, Louis was finally a single man. The tabloids headline said it all: “OW! ONE DIRECTION MEMBERS SUFFERS FROM MAJOR HEART ATTACK THIS WEEK!” Well, that was all the public needed to know for now. And that was good enough for Louis and Harry.

The rest of the week wasn't as hectic, but Liam had Niall that whole weekend to busy himself with. It was nice, just relaxing all weekend, watching movies, and enjoying the rest of their break. And once, Liam actually heard Niall laugh. Not quite like how he used to, but as if he was enjoying himself a little more.

With an arm around Niall, laying on the couch, watching a movie, and the Irishman's head on his chest, Liam couldn't help but feel he could get used to this.

Chapter Text

Zayn sat on the edge of the bed, lighting up his first cigarette of the night. He felt Perrie's arms around him, snaking around his waist and pulling him in close so her chest was lined up to his back. She nuzzled her face into his back, and they stayed like that for a long time before he finally took a drag from the cancer stick and sighed.

“Anything wrong, babe?” he could feel the way her breasts squished against his bare back, and the way her bare thighs pressed against either side of him. He felt wrapped up in her embrace, and the way she kissed his shoulder blades never failed to calm him down. This woman, looking fine in a tight black shirt and laced panties was more than just Zayn's best friend- she was his companion.

He shrugged, and leaned over to the ashtray on the night stand to put his cigarette out. “Nothing really, Perrie. Don't worry about it.”

She grabbed Zayn's arm and forced him to meet her blue eyes. God, she really was beautiful, her blonde hair falling perfectly on he shoulders, “Zayn, don't lie to me. I know something's been bothering you. I'm here to listen, love.” The popstar ran her hands up his arms, and the way she stared at him like she could see his naked soul aroused him more than he'd like to admit. He just wanted to lay her down, strip her of those pale panties that fit around her butt so well, and make love to her once more. That was what attracted him most to this lovely beauty: not her looks (though he thought she was the most gorgeous woman he'd ever laid eyes on), but the way she knew him so well, and was always on the same level as him.

“God, Perrie, I love you.”

She laughed, and if that didn't it sound like the most beautiful thing to him, he didn't know what would. “In that case, why don't we get married? You know I love you too. I don't see why we don't. We'd make a great pair, you and I.”

He gave a small laugh, and the smile on her face disappeared. “I'm being serious, Zayn. You know I'd marry you if you wanted me to.”

“That's what scares me. Perrie, you deserve to marry someone so much better. You don't want me.”

She sighed, and moved to sit on his lap. Her arms snaked around his neck as Zayn placed a hand on her lower back, “Dear, you're worth everything and more to me. Who else would get my face tattooed on their arm? If you wanted us to actually be something more than just friends and sex, I would do it in a heart beat.”

He chuckled, “You're the only woman I would ever tattoo on my arm.”

She smiled, rubbing circles into the back of his neck and scooting her hips closer to his crotch, “And that's why you're the only man I want to marry. It's all up to you really, I'd love to call you my boyfriend for real, and if you could be my husband... Well, we'd make a great team.”

He sighed, and rolled his hips up to meet hers, “God, Perrie... I could never. I respect you to much to do that to you... I love you, but not like that... you're like-”

“Don't you dare say like a sister, that's incest young man.”

“...I guess not that then, but I love you too much to lead you on like that, honey.” He gave her a slow kiss, and damn, was he getting harder by the second. He knew that he couldn't just avoid her question though, so he pulled away from her lips and met her gorgeous eyes once more. “Niall fell in love with Harry, and now Liam is taking care of him.”

She blinked, “Well, shit.”

“'Well, shit' is right.”

She sighed, and crawled off of Zayn's lap to sit beside him, “I saw them at the store the other day looking all domestic, and I thought it was just the cutest thing. But I didn't realize little Niall was going through such a heartbreak... Do the other boys know?”

“Louis and Harry are too engrossed in each other to notice anything Niall is going through. And Liam knows Niall fell for someone, but he doesn't know it's Harry. He'll figure it out soon. He's smart, and even if he doesn't figure it out, Niall will crack and tell him.”

Perrie leaned against Zayn's shoulder. “I thought something was bothering Niall when I saw them... but I thought since Liam was with him it wasn't too serious or anything, or Liam would help him through it.”

“That's why I asked Liam to take care of him.” He looked down at Perrie, and took one of her hands with his. He took a deep breath, his eyes looking down at their intertwined fingers. “I know that's what Niall needs, what both of them need. And I know the two of them will be good for each other.”

She looked up at Zayn, realization coming across her features, “You mean you... you think that they'll fall in love...?”

“It's what Niall deserves, and I think it's what Liam never knew he wanted. They belong with each other, and they'll be happier this way.”

“But, Zayn...”

Perrie looked as heartbroken and crushed as Zayn felt. She squeezed his hand tighter, and he felt her trembling for him.

“You love him... why would you do this? You don't want this.”

He gave her a sad smile, “It's because I love him. He'll be much happier, happier than what I could do for him... You should see the way he looks at Niall, Perrie. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.”

She fell into Zayn, and rested her head on his chest as Zayn wrapped his arms around her. It was as if Perrie was crying for him, doing what Zayn would never allow himself to.

“I'm so sorry, Zayn...” She barely got out the sentence, and Zayn could feel his chest become wet with her tears. “It just... you love him so much... more than me, and you deserve to be with him and...”

He moved both of them to lay on the bed, and pulled her close to him once more. Zayn kissed the top of her head and held her tight. It killed him, her kindness, and the way she felt exactly what he did. They really were in sync, and she was the best partner Zayn could ever hope for.

“It's okay, Perrie. Really.”

“No, it's not...” She curled into Zayn, twisting her legs in between his. “It really isn't.”

Zayn was silent as he lifted up Perrie's tear stained face, and he kissed the corners of her eyes, as if he could kiss all her tears away. Perrie grabbed Zayn's face with both hands and pulled him in for a full on kiss to the lips, and Zayn soon found himself on top of her. He explored her sweet mouth with his tongue as a hand made it's way up her shirt, and he heard a light moan escape her lips. He fondled her right breast in his hand, and watched her whimper as his other hand went to remove the pale panties on her hips. She gasped for air, tears falling as Zayn spread apart her legs and went to slip a finger into her wet heat for the second time that night.

And maybe it really wasn't okay. But he could be okay, for him.

Louis gasped as he felt Harry's long fingers open him open expertly, slick and smooth with the lube that drove him crazy. It amazed him, how skilled he was at this. He was being so good, so very good at making this as pleasurable as possible. Sure, it felt tight and uncomfortable at first, but it soon he was seeing stars and Louis wondered why he was even nervous in the first place. He could deal with the discomfort and pain if it meant it would feel this good after awhile.

“Shit, Lou... You're so fucking tight...”

As Harry added in a third finger, Louis gasped and there- that was what everyone talked about. That special bundle of nerves Harry hit dead on and Lou felt like he just about came right then and there. He moaned loudly, thrusting his hips up to meet his fingers and the rhythm the two of them fell into was pure bliss to the older man. To think that he had been missing out of such an amazing thing all these years. All week he touched and sucked and made love with Harry in the most intimate ways but Louis still hadn't experienced this yet. And he was more than ready now, more than willing to finally be filled with Harry to the very brim.

“God, Harry...” He gasped, running his hands through his hair. “Hurry up, will ya? I'm more than ready...” His legs trembled slightly and he hooked them around Harry's waist, and he swore he was about to cry if Harry didn't stop teasing him and give him what he wanted right now.

“Sorry Lou... I just don't want you to hurt... I want this to be the best thing you've ever experienced...” Harry leaned over to kiss Louis' cheek sweetly, and after a few more pumps removed his fingers from his lover's hole. And God, if the way that tight ring clenched around nothing didn't turn Harry on more than anything, he didn't know what would. “Jesus Christ, Lou... so fucking beautiful.” It was as if the way his green eyes darkened and his voice was a whole fucking octave lower made Louis whimper and his lips quiver and the way the two of them had all this tension, as if everything they'd done led up to this one moment and god, Harry didn't want to fuck it up.

“I just want...” He gasped, kissing his lover repeatedly and holding him close. “I just want everything to be perfect for you... This is your first time doing this, and I don't want to screw something so important up... that's why I want to go slow, even though it's killing me, I'll admit.”

Louis' blue eyes met his lover's gorgeous green, and he couldn't believe how lucky he was to have such a caring and wonderful boyfriend. But damn it, now wasn't the time for this. He pulled Harry down by the back of his neck and gave him a slow kiss before answering. “Love, it's perfect because it's you. I trust you, you could never hurt me. Now hurry up, don't make me beg, Harry...”

And for some reason, as Harry stared into the love of his life's eyes, he couldn't help but feel like he was seeing a different pair of blues. Ones that looked like a sea after a storm, ones that belonged to a pale face and a head full of dyed hair.

And if Harry didn't feel guilty before, he sure did now.

He wasn't going to mess this one up, not like he did then.

He grabbed the bottle of lubricant from the beside table and squirted some into his hand before rubbing it onto his dick hastily. Then he towered over his love, moving his hands down to lift Louis' legs into the air and wrap around him once more. He felt nervous, watching Louis grab onto the bedpost for support and his grip tighten slowly. He stared down at his naked body, sliding his hands up his lover's sides like he was some sort of delicate girl. He wanted to memorize every line, every tattoo on his body that decorated his perfect skin. And more than anything, he wanted this perfect moment to last forever as he entered his lover for the first time, and watch the way his gorgeous blue eyes rolled into the back of his head as Harry sheathed himself deep inside him.

Louis' hands squeezed tighter onto the medal frame, and his entire body tensed as Harry entered him completely, and it took every fiber of Harry's being not to move right away and begin fucking him relentlessly, because damn it felt so good. He whispered soothing words into his ears, kissing the side of his face and telling him to, “relax, babe...” because it only hurt more when you tense, and after what seemed like hours the older man finally nodded his head and gave the go ahead for Harry to begin moving. And it was good that Harry waited such a long time to begin moving because once he started he was absolutely positive he wouldn't be able to stop any time soon. Louis clenched around him so tight and hot and it felt so right and great and wrong that he knew he would never feel such an amazing experience ever again. Not this moment, when he made love to his one and only after such a long time of wanting, hurting, watching from so close yet so far away.

He moved in a slow rhythm, and it made Louis feel like Harry was speaking with his body instead of using his actual voice to convey his feelings. And if that wasn't the most amazing thing, the way Harry could make him feel so full and complete and loved, than he didn't know what was. It felt bloody fantastic, better than Louis ever anticipated and fuck he was seeing stars as the dull burn throughout his lower half was overpowered by Harry hitting his prostate dead on. Soon, Louis found himself meeting every one of Harry's quickly accelerating thrusts and God it was so overwhelming and powerful Louis knew he wasn't going to last long. Just because it's Harry doing this to him. It's Harry that Louis gets to say is his and it's Harry that he's with this intimately and it's Harry that looks down at him as if he's the most beautiful thing in all of creation when really, it's him.

Louis' hands released their death grip on the headboard and found themselves gripping onto Harry's shoulders. His nails bit into his skin, and Harry's deep grunts turned into a surprise gasp as they raked lines into his back. He knew Louis was leaving marks and that it was quite possible that someone might see them in the next few days, but for some reason, it spurred him on even more. He wanted everyone to see. The fact Louis was the one marking him like this, and the reason why Louis couldn't keep his hands off him made him want to get caught, for everyone to know that it was Louis who was doing this to him.

Harry remembered when he used to sleep with Niall, they were always so careful as to not leave marks on the other, not even the smallest hickey in fear of being found out or caught. It was something that both of them felt nervous about throughout the entire affair, and Harry didn't emotionally invest himself in it at the time anyway, so it wasn't like he wanted everyone to know he and Niall were sleeping with each other. In fact, Harry honestly liked keeping Niall his dirty little secret, knowing that he could go to him at any time and Niall would willingly let Harry- and only Harry- do whatever he wanted to him. Niall would strip his clothes at any moment for the younger lad, and open his legs widely so that Harry could just have his way like a good Irish whore and Jesus did Harry always feel wanted, always loved as Niall moaned and panted and cried for Harry like a slut and damn if thinking about the way Niall's pupils dilated whenever Harry hit that sweet spot he memorized didn't bring him over the edge then Harry didn't know what would-

“H... Harry!” Louis choked out his name, pulling Harry as close as he could to him, “Oh God, Harry, I...” Louis' crystal blue eyes filled with tears, overwhelmed at how many sensations and feelings were going through his head, “I love you, Harry...”

Harry snapped out of his thoughts, his attention back onto the beautiful man crying underneath him. He held Louis tightly, rocking his hips in a fast but intimate pattern and Harry pressed his cheek against him in shock, not believing the thoughts that went through his mind. Harry moaned loudly, knowing he wouldn't be able to handle going on like this. Louis just felt so good and it overwhelmed him just as much to see Louis of all people fucking crying because they were intimate like this.

“God, Lou, so fucking perfect,” He gasped, feeling and hearing the slapping of wet skin between the two of them, and he nearly died. Louis did this to him, he always brought him higher and higher and higher until Harry couldn't breath and came crashing back down to earth. Louis, no one else. “Can't last much longer...”

“I'm g-gonna.. oh Harry so close...” Lou's voice never sounded like such a wreck before in his entire life, and the thought that it was he who did this, that made such a pretty fucking sight... Just everything about Louis made Harry love him even more and he wanted to last long enough so at least Louis could get off. He took a large hand a grabbed a hold of Louis' dick, sliding the excessive amounts of precum leaking from him already up and down as lubricant and pumped him quickly in hopes of helping him find his release quicker. He pushed him along, moving their bodies in sync and leaned over to whisper low and dark in his ear.

“Cum for me, baby... I know you want to.”

“H-Harry...” Louis' whole body shook as he felt himself give out, climaxing in between their bodies hard and Harry helped him ride out his orgasm while chasing his own. Once he finished, Harry pulled out quickly to avoid overstimulating his love on the first time and instantly began jacking himself off fast and quick, crawling forward and aiming for Louis' stomach. The sight of Louis, just exhausted and sweaty and entirely fucked out of his mind was enough to send him over the edge, spilling his seed all over Louis' tanned skin and god, just the fact he could do that to Lou was fucking brilliant.

After Harry finished, he let himself collapse on the bed beside Louis, breathing heavily because holy shit that was better than he could have ever hoped for. Never in a million years did he imagine sex being this fucking mind blowing.

So maybe they hadn't done everything. Maybe they were just getting started at this whole new world of sexual experiences. Maybe it wasn't technically the best sex he ever had, because damn he didn't ever think anyone could beat that one time Niall was willing to indulge Harry in that bondage kink he really want to try out...

But the fact it was Louis, well, that's what made it the best. 

Harry watched as Louis' shaky fingers trailed patterns with the left over spunk on his chest. His eyes followed the older man's small index as he brought it to his lips and licked the digit clean. And yeah, Louis has tasted Harry's sperm before, giving him incredible head at least twice in the first night they confessed their feelings alone. But that didn't make it any less hot this time around.

Harry decided to pull his lover in close, not caring that both of them were hot and sticky and gross and everything else that comes with having sex. Louis instantly cuddled into his lover, and Lou was happily resting his head on top of Harry's chest, smiling with his big blue eyes into his green ones.

“Thank you... Harry, that was brilliant.”

And for some reason, Harry wished it was another band mate with certain beautiful blue eyes saying those words instead.

“You might be sore for a while...” Harry grinned down at the smaller male, and Louis matched his smirk with a smile of his own.

“It's worth it, if it's you. I wouldn't want it any other way.”

“Neither would I...”

Louis' blue eyes drooped, and Harry couldn't help but feel like that actually looked a shade darker, perhaps a bit more grey as well at this moment. The older of the two closed their eyes and found sleep quickly, feeling safe and peaceful in their lovers arms.

Harry, however, never felt more guilty or sick in his entire life. He laid there with an arm around Louis, staring up at the ceiling. His grip around Louis' shoulder tightened slightly, as if to confirm to himself that it yes, he wanted Louis laying beside him, and that thinking of Niall was just because he still felt guilty over what happened between them. That was really the only explanation. Niall was such a wonderful friend, who went above and beyond to help Harry when he needed him. And while he didn't feel right about the entire ordeal, it was what he needed and Niall was happy for him and Louis. Niall was supportive, ecstatic even when Harry called it quits between them and said Louis loved him. The entire week, Harry didn't even think once about the fact he and Niall could have even been considered something at one point. So Harry shouldn't feel any guilt over that.

But why then did he feel so... heavy? Why would he think about fucking his best friend while in bed with his lover? It was because he felt guilt over not caring for Niall. He felt tremendous guilt over not giving him the first time he deserved, for not tending to his needs this entire time. He felt horrible that he was able to give Louis a good first time experience, and made sure everything went as smoothly as he could. While Niall lost his virginity to a drunken, lovesick sap, who didn't even make sure he was properly prepared before just taking whatever he wanted from him. Not only that, but he felt guilty that even now, after everything was said and done, Niall will be thrown into Harry's closet, never to be seen by anyone. He could never tell Louis about what happened between them and Niall will forever remain his, 'Dirty Little Secret.”

It was that guilt. That was the reason why he felt so uncomfortable holding the love of his life in his arms.

At least, he hoped that was all it was.

After what seems like at least four more hours, Harry finally was able to close his green eyes and fall into a restless sleep.

Chapter Text

It's been over a month, and things have been going pretty well for Liam.

After their short break, Liam and the rest of the boys went back to their hectic lives, recording their next album, tv interviews and performances, photo shoots, fan greet... and while Liam was used to this crazy and fast paced lifestyle by now, it all never seemed to lose it's magic, or become any less... surreal. And to be honest, everything in his life seemed a little bit easier now, with all the boys a little less on edge, and with Niall living with him.

Louis was on fire, his smile brighter than ever. This had been the happiest anyone had ever seen him in months, years maybe, and oh boy, did he show it. It definitely didn't go unnoticed by the media, tabloids plastering pictures of a happy Louis smiling brightly and big headlines that say: “LOUIS TOMLINSON: FREE AS A BIRD” all over it. Louis had to constantly remind himself during interviews that he was supposed to be someone who just got dumped (in the most humiliating way, Liam might add), and still heartbroken over the lovely Eleanor Calder throwing her earrings at him like trash before storming off. But he couldn't help the smile that would break through his facade. He clung onto Harry in public and would sit by him in every interview, and sometimes he couldn't stop the loving look he would give Harry before catching his mistake. Rumours on the internet spread fast, calling this new develop between Harry and Louis, “The Return of Larry Stylinson.” Which, he guessed, was true.

In fact, the internet's favorite 'bromance' called up their families about two weeks ago to tell them the news of their relationship. One Thursday night, the two sat on their bed and dialed their mothers, Louis calling Jay first. After catching up quickly and saying hello to his sisters, Louis told his mom with a shaky voice the reason why Eleanor and him broke up. He told her the truth, holding onto Harry's hand tightly, he was gay, plain and simple. That Eleanor has always been just a friend, and that Harry and him finally smarted up and found each other. And Jay, being the loving a supportive mother she always had been, replied that she always thought he might be and that she loved him anyway. After the mother and son had their heartfelt conversation, they decided to tell Lottie first, and the rest of the girls when they're ready to know or when Louis and Harry make their relationship public. Louis wiped the tears that dared to fall, and Jay hung up with a playful threat to never hurt her son thrown in Harry's direction.

Harry's conversation with his mother went a little differently. After Louis ended the call, he passed the phone to Harry and he dialed his mother with little hesitation. She answered cheerfully, always glad to hear from her son. After she complained about almost burning the lasagna she had made for dinner that night, Harry casually, in his slow drawl of a voice, said, “Mom, I just wanted to let you know Louis and I are together now.” Without missing a beat, both Louis and Harry heard the loud intake of breath before Anne spoke in a exasperated tone.

“Finally! Honestly, I thought that was going to take ages now. You two are both so thick headed I almost thought you would never see. Now, tell me when can I expect you two over for dinner, we need to have a proper family meal, it's been ages.”

And Liam was happy to see his best friend's smile back.

Zayn seemed alright, like usual. He still wore that annoying smirk whenever he looked at Liam, and he didn't always open up, but he seemed to be doing fine. He hung out with Perrie (or at least he said he did) more often, and he always seemed to be in a better mood afterward. He also seemed to back off from Niall, still smiling at him and giving him hugs and a tender look, but his hand didn't rest low on his back anymore, and he didn't let Niall lean into his touch as often as before, instead directing the blonde to Liam's direction whenever possible. Which, while it sometimes lead to Niall's disappointment, Liam was admittedly grateful for. He didn't like seeing the two of them together, didn't like noticing the way Niall relished in Zayn's praise, like a little puppy dog. He didn't like knowing that it was quite possible Niall might actually enjoy Zayn's company over his own, and he most certainly didn't like thinking about it. Because, well... Niall was staying at his flat, not with Zayn.

It seemed like the only one who still had something bothering them was... Well, Harry. While whenever Louis would look at him, give that gorgeous smile that made his eyes crinkle Harry would always return the favor, the moment Louis' eyes looked away from Harry for just a second, Harry's expression... changed. It was as if Harry was thinking to much about something, or he held that guilty expression on his face as if he did something wrong. Sometimes, Liam would find him staring off into space, eyes sullen and lips tight while Louis' back was turned, or fidgeting while Louis' attention was on someone else. And what was even worse, was that sometimes, Liam could see Harry's eyes gaze upon Niall with a look that... Liam couldn't even describe. It was hard and intense and determined and something that Liam didn't want to think about. And it was obvious Niall could feel it, could feel the way Harry stared at him as if he was some sort of... piece of meat. And not only did it make Niall feel uncomfortable, but Liam himself as well. Why would Harry do that? What was going through his mind? What was going on between Niall and Harry? Why did it seem Harry... well, Harry wasn't exactly being honest to Louis?

Liam had a really bad feeling he knew what it was, but he really didn't want to think about it.

Over the past few weeks, Liam had gotten used to a weekly routine. He'd wake up early in the morning, going out for a run and then once he got back take a quick shower before starting breakfast. Around six thirty, He'd finish cooking the fry up he mastered making the way Niall liked and said blonde would come strolling out of his bedroom, sleep still in his eyes and adorably groggy. They'd eat, and once they were finished, be ready by seven thirty to go wherever their schedule demanded of them. Of course it wasn't what happened every day, but it had become the basis for wherever they were, whether it actually be at Liam's flat or a hotel in the city they were currently visiting. Every night, after they were finished with their workload, they'd go back and watch the telly on the couch together before one of them finally yawned and decided it was time to go to bed and start the day all over again.

On the weekends, or when they got a day off, Liam would drag Niall with him to the market to get food both of them would enjoy for the flat, and run any other errands that needed done. And they always made time to sit down and watch a movie at the end of the day, Niall's head resting on his chest while Liam placed a tentative arm around him while they watched whatever was playing before going their separate ways once more.

(Or at least, Liam pretended to be focused on the screen while he couldn't help but think about how close Niall was to him, and the way the boy would shift ever so often into a more comfortable position but always with his head resting on him like a pillow and Liam wondered if it was possible Niall could tell, the way his heart seemed to beat faster and faster whenever he thought about what it would be like to just run his fingers through those soft, faded locks right then and there and how it would feel if he just leaned over and connected their lips together in a soft ki- no. Nope nope nope nope nope he didn't think like that.)

He liked how things were, living with Niall. It was nice, having someone around the flat to look after. And he liked being the one to see Niall gain some of the life in him back, the sparkle in his eye day by day. He liked seeing Niall eat more and more each day, liked seeing him get a little bit more kick in his step and see his smile get a little bit bigger and his hear his laugh become a little bit more genuine. And after the first week, he began noticing little quirks and things Niall did, like the way he would scratch his right arm or avert his gaze to the ground whenever he felt uneasy of uncomfortable. Or the way it was obvious that he hated doing dishes even though he offered after every meal to clean up. He noticed the way Niall's eyes weren't as dull whenever he sat down with his acoustic and began playing, and how he would sit there playing in his room for at least an hour everyday. He realized Niall had a habit of leaving the kitchen cabinets open and leaving the bathroom light on. And he figured out that whenever he went to his room for the night, it was only about thirty minutes later that he finally turned off the his light and fell asleep.

And well, all of those things comforted Liam. It was nice to have someone around the flat, living with him. It was easy to live with Niall, it felt right. Liam never liked being alone, and the fact that wherever he looked in his flat there was obvious evidence not one, but two people lived here was something he really enjoyed. And he loved Niall's company, he loved being the one who could tell the gradual change in Niall's demeanor, and he loved having someone to hold every night on the couch when they relaxed. Most nights, the thought that there was someone just down the hall, in the room right next to him was what helped him fall asleep. And what put his mind at ease even more, was that he knew it was Niall.

He didn't want to think about how this was just a temporary set up. That once Niall was ready, he would move back into his own flat. Once Niall could stand on his own two feet, he would pack his stuff and the bedroom would be empty again, and the signs that two people lived once at his flat would be gone as well. And Liam would be alone again, without any trace that Niall was even staying with him at the time. There would be no more cupboards left open, no more sweet guitar being played. There would be no more cuddles on the couch until they both were tired and fighting to close their eyes. There would be no more stormy blue eyes and dyed blonde hair. There would be no more Niall.

So he put the thought to the back of his mind for now.

At the moment, the five of them were waiting for their cue backstage at a late night talk show. They we're going to have a quick interview with the older gentleman, who was honestly quite funny in Liam's opinion, and then after wards sing one of their hit songs. They created a poll for the audience, and the song with the highest percentage would be the one they sing tonight. Liam thought that was actually a really great idea, since it got the fans involved in choosing what exactly they wanted to hear. Louis was sitting in the corner, checking his phone and texting who he claimed was one of his mates from football but he was pretty sure it was his mom or one of the girls or Eleanor from the way he was smiling like an idiot. Harry and Zayn were a few meters away from him, Zayn having dragged Harry away to talk the moment Louis went to check his phone. Liam watched the two from afar, watching they way Zayn looked as if he seriously arguing with him, and Harry staring back like a deer caught in the headlights. It made Liam wonder what they possibly could be talking about, but he couldn't hear from here and wasn't about to get caught trying to get close, so he turned away from the two to give them privacy.

Liam's eyes laid on Niall, over at the snack table, dipping a carrot into some ranch before eating it whole. He watched as Niall grabbed a water bottle from the ice chest, uncapping it and taking a deep breath before wrapping his lips around the tip. Liam gulped, staring at the way Niall's adam's apple bobbed with each gulp, the way a thin line of water dripped down the side of his cheek, down his jaw and to his neck. And oh God did that do something to Liam. He felt a burning sensation in the pit of his stomach and it was as if he was transfixed, not being able to take his eyes away from the beautiful lad. He imagined what it would be like, to have Niall's lips wrapped around something a little more thick and bobbing his head and practically gagging and yeah- Liam's throat suddenly felt dry at the thought of Niall choking on his di-

“Like what you see, eh Leeyummmm??”

Liam turned his head quickly to face Louis, who was currently nudging him playfully in the arm and wearing a classic, devious smirk on face. He coughed nervously, embarrassed at having been caught, and of course his less than innocent thoughts just seconds ago, “Um... what?”

“Oh come on Liam, it's obvious... you're easier to read than a children's book.”

“I don't know what you're talking about, Louis.” He tried to sound confident, but that was rather hard considering Liam was always like an open book to Louis and he blatantly caught him staring at Niall (like he's failed to notice Harry's been doing for the past few weeks).

“Don't try to deny it, Li... You know, it's a normal thing, to start having feelings for someone you spend a lot of time with. And he is quite fi-”

“Louis, stop.” Liam cut in hastily, “I'm straight, you know that.”

Louis snorted, giving Liam the look. “Right, because every straight guy looks at one of their best friends like they want to bend them over the refreshment table and make a proper mess of them, kay. Love isn't black and white, straight or gay. Love is just love, Li, I think you know that.”

“Look, Louis-"

“No, you look.” Louis sighed, “It's obvious you like him. And you know what?” He gave a small smile, “I think he might like you too.”

Liam nearly died just thinking about it. There was no way, no possible way. And it didn't matter, “Louis, I don't like anyone.”

“Niall isn't just anyone.”

“Well, I don't like him.”

Louis folded his arms across his chest like a stubborn child. “Yes, you do Liam.”

“Oh really? You know how I feel then?” Liam didn't have time for this. In fact, he was pretty sure they only had about five minutes before they were supposed to walk out on the set, and the last thing he wanted to talk about was the nonexistent feelings everyone was sure he had for his friend.

“Yes, Liam, I know exactly how you feel.” Louis looked straight into his eyes while grabbing his arms firmly, It would intimidate Liam if this wasn't Louis we were talking about here.

“What makes you so sure of that?”

“Because, Liam, you've been staring at Niall for the past few weeks like I've stared at Harry for the last three years.”

And well, it was hard to argue with that.

He honestly didn't know what to say. He wanted to tell Louis he was wrong, but at this point, he couldn't. His eyes drifted from Louis' to Niall's, the blonde looking over at them now, and those stormy eyes met Liam. It took a second, but a small smile came across Niall's face and yeah, he really couldn't defend himself right now. Not when Niall was looking at him with the kindest expression on his face and his eyes held something special and right, maybe Louis and Zayn were onto something.

But he couldn't just flat out say it.

“Louis, Liam, we're about to go on.”

Liam tore his eyes away from Niall and gave Zayn a small smile. “Right, let's go then.”

They all waited at the opening of where they were supposed to enter from, Harry and Niall already over there. Liam looked around at his friends, the overwhelming feeling of surrealism coming back to him. He couldn't believe how lucky he's been this entire time.

His eyes drifted over to Niall, checking to make sure he was okay. Currently, he seemed fine, leaning against the wall and giving Zayn a small smile. They seemed to be talking without actually using any words, Zayn returning the smile and it was as if they knew exactly what the other was thinking. And well, Liam wished he could tell what the both were thinking, but he also thought that maybe he wasn't supposed to know, so he turned away to look at Harry and Louis.

And well, the sight kind of confused and made him sad all at once.

Louis stood right next to Harry, pressing himself close to his side and placing a hand on his arm as if to comfort. He tried to give a smile, to get him to look him in the eye, but it seemed like all his attempts were in vain as Harry turned from him and refused to meet his gaze. Louis' smile faltered and he whispered quietly the words, “What's wrong, my love?" But the boy just pulled away from his grasp, eyes cold and sad, focused on anywhere but person who desperately wanted to meet them. Louis took a step back, hurt and rejected, letting his hand fall to his side as he back away from his love.

The crushed and confused look on his face made Liam want to pull his friend close right then and there, but he couldn't, not when the late night host just introduced them to the audience. What exactly did Zayn say to Harry? He spared a glance back at Zayn, who just looked over to Liam and gave him that devious smirk he's received for the past month,

Fucking Zayn.

And for the first time in weeks, Harry and Louis didn't sit next to each other for the interview. Instead, Louis pushed Niall in front of him to sit in between at the last second. Zayn sat closest to the older host, with Liam sitting on the end farthest next to Louis. And instinctively, Liam casually sat back and put an arm on the back of the couch, giving Louis a comforting squeeze on the shoulder as if to say, “I'm here for you,” before resting his arm completely. And luckily it worked, because Louis was able to take a deep breath and go on with a smile.

After the traditional, “you boys sure you don't need another seat?” due to how squished they were and the boys commenting they were fine, they answered all the traditional questions, about their new album, and what were their plans in between now and the next tour in a few months, all while cracking jokes all the way. And then, the questions about girlfriends and fans came up like all of them expected, starting with an innocent enough comment, “Now, only one of you is currently in a relationship now, right? You all must have tons of girls throwing themselves at you, not that they don't already.” Their was a loud chuckle that echoed throughout the room and the audience.

“Right,” Like always, Zayn never failed to interject first about Perrie. It still bothered Liam, how Perrie obviously loved Zayn more than he loved her. But yet again, their relationship wasn't any business of Liam's, and only Perrie and Zayn knew what really it was all about. Especially now, since it was apparent to everyone in the world, and even the boys, Zayn was seriously considering marrying her. “And Perrie's just fantastic, I couldn't be happier with her.”

“But for the rest of you boys, practically every eligible lady is after you right? It seems every girl is wanting to be the next One Direction girlfriend. Well, except for two young ladies, huh?”

Harry brows creased, confused, “Sorry?”

“Two young ladies that I believe two of you all know quite well seem to have eyes more for each other than the biggest boyband in the world now, wouldn't you agree, Liam and Louis?”

Louis sat up, confused, “Excuse me?”

The older host looked slightly confused himself, “You mean, you haven't read the tabloids and internet articles lately?”

Liam laughed a little, nervous, “Well, we're mostly told not to look at them, because most of the time it's just rumors.”

The man coughed, “Well, there's a picture that was posted on the internet lately by a Miss Calder you all know very well, and while we understand the charming young woman isn't necessarily a celebrity or anything, we wanted to know what you and Louis thought of it.”

Louis' eyes hardened, and Liam didn't blame him. Eleanor wasn't a celebrity, so what she posted shouldn't be discussed during interviews. And why was this man bringing up normal civilian's pictures on television? Of course Louis would be mad they brought up the woman who was one of his best friends and former 'girlfriend.' And Liam wasn't too please with Danielle being brought to his attention, since he honestly hadn't even thought about her in... a few weeks. The five weren't warned about this. All of the boys turned to look at each other, before the man raised up the picture on the desk he was currently sitting behind to show them.

And well, it was safe to say Louis and Liam were staring at each other with dumbstruck looks on their faces.

It was just a simple, cute picture, of Eleanor and Danielle, facing one another. Their hands were intertwined, and their foreheads pressed together as El has that adorable, shy, cute smile on her face as she stared into Danielle's eyes. Danielle's expression was just as beautiful, but more sunny and bright than compared to El's warm smile, her teeth showing and looking down on Eleanor like she was the cause of it. If Liam had to be honest, he'd say Dani never remotely looked that happy around him. There was a simple caption, one that Liam could obviously tell was from El's official twitter account.

“Love is love. Love you, @DaniellePeazer.”

Liam was still getting over his shock when Louis suddenly broke out into a wicked grin and turned to their nosey talk show host, “Well, I personally think that's fantastic! Even now, I'll always consider Eleanor one of my best friends, I'm more than delighted to see that she's found someone to give her everything she deserves. I've never said it before, but when Eleanor had broken up with me, it was a real eye opener. It just wouldn't have worked out, because she needed someone who could be there for her more often, someone who could just make her happy all the time instead of depressed. I'm happy she's moved on and her and Danielle just look so good together. Maybe she'll finally answer my calls, I'd love to spend time with both of them, wouldn't you say, Liam?” He nudged Liam playfully in the side.

Liam snapped out of his shock, looking over at Louis. He paused for only a second, taking in everything Louis just said. Danielle and Eleanor? The reason why Danielle broke up with him, was because her and Eleanor fell in love while he was on tour? He found a smile creep onto his face, a genuine, happy smile.

“Yeah, I think I would too. I've never seen two girls happier before. It's quite lovely, I'd love to catch up as well. I'm happy Danielle's found someone who can make her smile like that.”

And Liam found himself seriously, with all his heart, meaning it.

Zayn piped in, a big smirk on his face directed in Liam's way. “Maybe Perrie and I can double date with them sometime. Being around three beautiful ladies sounds like an amazing time to me.”

Everyone laughed at that.

And when the five of them all sat in a circle and sang Little Things together, well, for some reason Liam found himself looking in Niall's direction more than he'd like to admit.

He wasn't sure, but maybe, there was a slight possibility he liked Niall, a little bit.

But he wasn't going to admit anything yet.

That night, Louis and Harry went back to their flat, not holding hands and not cuddled up next to each other as the van dropped everyone off one by one. The tension in the small van was obvious, and Louis heard Liam whisper to him right before he followed harry out of the vehicle softly to him, “If you need someone to talk to, just call, okay?” But Louis didn't really listen to him. He walked behind Harry, not beside him like he normally would because Harry was just walking a little too fast to catch up to. And Louis had this sense of dread, like something had just gone terribly wrong, or maybe Harry didn't really love him like he thought he had all this time, or that Louis did something to upset him without realizing it or Harry had done something.

It scared him to death.

He shut the door behind him, and instantly called out to the love of his life, shaking, “Harry, what's wrong? You've been upset all night, why won't you tell me what's wrong, darling?”

Harry finally stopped and turned around to face Louis, and he couldn't help but be surprised when he realized he began crying as he stared into those beautiful green eyes. When Harry realized this, his hard eyes turn soft, and his face held guilt. For what? Because Louis was crying? Or what else?

“Oh shit, Lou, I'm sorry I...”

Louis felt his breath hitch as he did a slight hiccup. And he began rubbing at his eyes furiously, trying to stop himself from crying. What happened? What was going on right now? He didn't even know. All he knew was that Harry wasn't himself right now. How long had his Harry been feeling like this? How did he not notice? “God, I'm sorry Harry, I don't know what happened but I'm just sorry I didn't notice sooner but-”

He was cut off as Harry engulfed him in his embrace, arms wrapped tightly around his smaller body. It took a moment, but Louis returned the favor, holding onto to him tightly, clinging onto the back of his shirt and burying his face into his chest as if he was his lifeline.

He was his lifeline. His whole life.

Louis' tears stopped, and Harry's big hands squeezed him even tighter, to the point it almost hurt but to be honest he didn't care because finally Harry was holding him and not ignoring him, finally. He breathed in Harry's scent, something Louis had always loved, something that never felt to make him feel lightheaded or drunk.

“I'm so sorry, Louis...”

For some reason, as he held onto Harry in their small entryway, those words felt like more than just an apology for today.

“I didn't... I didn't mean to make you feel like this. God Lou, I love you so much... I never meant to make you cry, or worry or... I'm sorry.”

“It's-” Louis choked on his words, “It's okay... Are you... Are you alright Harry? You've been upset....”

They stood, clinging onto one another, until Louis felt Harry take a deep breath and pull away just enough so he could be eye level with him, giving a small yet sad smile that made Louis want to frown. “Yeah... Yeah, I'm alright. Just... was letting it all get to me earlier.”

He gave a weak smile in return, “Don't. Hey, Haz.” He stood on his the tips of his toes to give his lover a sweet kiss on the lips. It still amazed him, how tall Harry was now compared to him, “I love you. I'll always be here... don't worry about anything, okay? It might be hard right now, but soon, Haz, soon. I promise... I don't know when, but this will all just be a distant memory for us one day. We'll always have each other. I love you.”

“...Right.” Harry nodded seriously, “Right, yeah.”

“Come on.” He gave him one more kiss before taking his hand. “We're both really, tired. Let's get to bed...”

He led Harry to their bedroom, and both of them stripped and fell down on the mattress together, deciding to take a shower in the morning than bother with it right now. They cuddled into each other, Louis the little spoon on the left side while Harry was the bigger on the right side. “I love you, Harry.” He whispered quietly as he closed his eyes.

And Louis couldn't even begin to feel sleepy as he felt Harry's breathing slow down and the quiet sound of him sleeping soundly.

Because, well, it was silly, and Louis felt like he was over analyzing things but...

Harry didn't say, 'I love you too.'

But he chalked up the thought to Harry just feeling out of sorts and their slight confrontation earlier, and forced himself to fall asleep.

Chapter Text

Niall was... feeling good today.

It had been about six or seven weeks since he had his emotional breakdown and tried to sleep with Zayn. But at the moment, Niall felt pretty happy, as he got into the passenger seat of the car and looked out the window to wave at a few fans waiting around. Liam started the car, and Niall relaxed as he sat back and enjoyed the ride on the way to the small market apparently no fan or paparazzi member knew about.

Yep. It was a good day.

It knew he couldn't just let his whole life crash and burn. He knew he had a lot to live for, and that being in love with Harry Styles like every other fourteen year old girl could not be the end of it. He still had to go on, and he had a job he loved and good friends, and a loving family who he called every night before he went to sleep, just to check up on his new born nephew. He had Zayn, who seemed to understand and look out for him. He was so glad that things weren't awkward between them, even when the first thing Niall tried to do was get in his pants. Looking back, he was definitely glad Zayn stopped him. Niall didn't like Zayn in any sort of romantic way, and sex while lacking judgment was something he learned wasn't wise the hard way. And besides, Niall liked the idea of Zayn and Perrie together, and even if they weren't going to ever be exclusive or last forever, they would always be there to support one another. He had his guitar. And he had Liam.

Living with Liam was something he didn't know he needed. At first, he didn't want to. He wanted to stay with Zayn, because he was the only one who knew what was really wrong. Zayn was his life line at that moment, the only thing keeping him from breaking down completely. And the thought that Zayn had just so easily agreed to let go of him, and hand him over to Liam's care, well, he didn't understand it. He almost felt hurt. Especially since it wasn't like Niall could tell Liam, since he was sworn to never tell and only told Zayn out of desperation. He needed to have someone to talk to about this, and as great as a phone call is, it's not the same as being able to talk in person.

But well... being with Liam... it felt like a nice vacation. One far away from troubles and worries. It felt... nice.

True, he still saw Harry a lot. And the first week living with Liam was hell for him. But after that, things became... easier. It was nice, doing the small little routine's that he and Liam shared, and not having to worry about whether or not the fridge had food in it, because Liam always scheduled in a certain time to do shopping. Being able to rest with a friend and watch of movie when they had downtime was amazing, and playing guitar in the guest room (that looked less like a guest room, and more like Niall's bedroom) to relax was really nice. And beyond that, he just liked how... well...

He didn't feel so alone around Liam.

In fact, he liked being around Liam.

Because, Liam made Niall feel like he could just relax, and didn't have to worry about how Harry would probably never be in love with him the way he was with Louis. He didn't have to worry about how it probably wasn't a good idea for the majority (because Louis was sure gay, with Harry, and Zayn was... well, not really picky) of One Direction to not be exactly straight. He didn't have to worry about what his brother, or father or fans would think if he were to reveal everything about him. He felt like he could... be himself, without having to pretend everything was okay.

He almost thought about telling Liam, what all had happened between him and Harry. It was obvious Liam knew something was wrong, more than what Niall had confessed. But it was like... he didn't want to tell him. As much of a relief it would be, to confide in Liam, he didn't want to ruin what they had. Whatever 'it' was, he meant. He liked the way things were between them, and the way being around Liam all the time almost felt safely domestic. And if Liam knew Niall loved Harry, had slept with Harry, had agreed to be Harry's outlet and then agreed to be kept a secret... he knew Liam wouldn't judge him, but he just didn't want to disappoint him. And he didn't want Liam to treat him differently.

Because... he liked the way Liam treated him, like he was an equal, but took care of him at the same time. He didn't know how to explain it but... it felt nice. And he almost felt thankful, that Zayn told him to go with Liam, that it would be for the best. Because now, he didn't really want to leave.

He didn't want to think about how he knew Liam would get tired of having to deal with him, and he'd have to go back to that flat, back to the place where Harry nearly fucked him on every surface possible.

To be honest, he was thinking of just moving out of that place completely.

Liam pulled up into the market, and they both got out of the car. He gave Liam a small smile, which he returned, before putting on some sunglasses and walking into the store.

These were some of the times Niall enjoyed most with Liam, when he could help pick out certain foods and meals for dinner, as well as snacks and nonperishable items for when they're too busy to actually come home. Because it was the two of them getting out of the flat for just a few moments, buying groceries together and feeling that they weren't members of the biggest boyband in the world but...

Well, kind of domestic. And he liked it.

He and Liam were currently arguing over whether or not they really needed to get hamburger for dinner that night. They bickered in an almost playful way, and Niall had to stop himself from smiling a few times at the absurdity of the entire situation. Two friends, who happened to be in a famous boy band, arguing in the middle of a market over what to cook like an old married couple. It just seemed easy, the way Liam teasingly put the package just out of Niall's reach, forcing a pout on the Irishman's face. And Niall had to stop himself from laughing at the way Liam's mouth turned into a playful grin and the way his eyes crinkled at the sides and at the entire situation.

It was weird. For the longest time, Niall couldn't even begin to find his smile, let alone laugh, again. Now, it was like he was almost stopping himself from acting or being happy. Why was that?

He didn't want to be let down again.

Liam sighed, taking in Niall's pout and caved, like he knew he would. It was never hard to get Liam to agree to buy something. Especially if Niall pouted and gave him a pleading (cute) look. He watched Liam put the hamburger in the cart, and he gave him the kindest smile, one that made Niall's poor heart skip a beat. He met those dark, brown eyes, and Niall felt wrapped up in a warm blanket when he stared at those beautiful irises and oh- was that his breath hitching?

He turned away from Liam, trying to catch his breath again before calming himself down enough to continue on like nothing happened. He tried not to think of the disappointed look on Liam's face when he went to go grab some milk, or the way his smile faltered when Niall wouldn't put up a fight over what to get.

What was wrong with him? It shouldn't matter, so what if he ended up looking down at Liam's lips thinking they weren't perhaps red and big like Harry but they were thin and sweet looking in their own way and maybe, just maybe, they'd feel nice on his forehead, or his cheek, or maybe his own? It was just curiosity, nothing else. It was harmless, just a fleeting thought that would pass. Why was he freaking out all of a sudden?

He didn't want to be hurt again.

They bought their groceries, and got back into the car. Niall didn't want to think of how he was the one who suddenly made everything awkward between them right now. He always seemed to mess up things... He watched as Liam tapped his finger on the wheel, anxious or frustrated, and the way his brows furrowed in a most unpleasant way. And all he could do was sit, helplessly, wondering why it was Liam hadn't driven off and wasn't on their way back to his flat already.

Liam gave a frustrated sigh, and then turned on the car, “You know what? I'm in the mood for something sweet. Wanna go find some ice cream?” He gave Niall a weak smile, finally turning to look at him.

And well, Niall's a bit shocked, but he's never turned down food before, “Alright, sure.”

And if Liam and Niall spent the rest of the day out of their routine, eating at an ice cream parlor meant for families, and going to a small park no one knew about, feeding birds and letting the milk spoil in the back of their car, and playing on swing sets like they were little kids again, well... Niall wouldn't admit to it being one of the best days he's had in awhile.

They walked down the road, not caring the left Liam's very nice car back at that small ice cream parlor hours ago back to their apartment. It was... nice, nicer than anything Niall's really felt. And Liam's making a poor attempt at a joke and Niall's doesn't know why but it's the greatest thing he's ever heard and he can't stop laughing, and he's never felt so happy, just walking down a random street in the cold London weather and he is just glad Liam is here, laughing just as much at nothing and it feels good, to finally stumble their way home like two drunks, giddy and realizing they didn't even bring their spoiled groceries out of the car that's a good hour away now, and they'll have to call someone if they want to go get it.

They stood on the door step, Liam chuckling and Niall laughing like an idiot. Why was he laughing? Because Liam was such a dork this entire time. Buying both of Niall's hot fudge sundaes even though he had plenty of money on him, not eating any ice cream even though he was the one who suggested it, getting the loaf of french bread out of the car specifically so they could crumble it up and feed to the birds once they got to the park, running over to play on the climbing bars the moment he saw it, giving Niall these looks of pure adoration... like the one he was giving him now. It was so sweet and kind and tender and everything about today seemed like a really nice, relaxing break where Niall didn't really have to think about anything... Except Liam and his really sweet personality and the way he was so attentive to him all the time and the bright smile he always kept specifically for him and those warm eyes that made Niall feel safe...

Safe. And secure. That's what Liam felt like.

And then, we he looked into those brown eyes, Niall felt it again, the same, crazy and intense feeling he did when he held Liam's hand at that interview so long ago, but really just about 2 months ago. He didn't want to look away and he didn't want to see anything but those soft brown eyes and thought about when they first met. About the X-factor days with Liam's straightened hair and playing tennis, and Liam's curly hair and singing I'm yours on the beach, then he thought of Liam's clean cut hair and plaid shirts, then the short yet gelled hair and sleeping on trampolines, and then the buzz cut and rubbing his head for good luck, and right now, with his hair short but styled perfectly and looking quite fit, even though Liam always looked good no matter what. And wow he felt like he was seeing Liam for the first time all over again.

How did he miss this, this evolution of Liam and just how different he was and how did he not notice the way Liam's arms were incredibly strong on his waist and Oh my god how did he not see the way Liam had turned into this muscular and big, strong man right before him? How did he miss the way Liam's teeth were insanely bright and his hair so light yet dark and his eyes so fierce and his face so masculine when it was literally, inches away from him. And Liam's had this look on his face, one that was different than what he knew Harry gazed at him with. One that was soft yet strong and intense yet gentle and sweet yet serious and Oh God he felt like his Liam didn't have such and firm grip on his hips and holding him close he would collapse. What was this sudden feeling, of being as light as a feather but as heavy as a ton of bricks? Why did Liam's gaze make him feel like he was being examined, the very depths of his soul on display? Why was his careful armor shredding to pieces, leaving him naked and exposed under Liam's careful eye? Why did the mere touch of Liam's fingers gripping his hips make him feel as if he was on fire?

And just who was this Liam, the one that so boldly pressed their bodies close together in the middle of their porch, who looked at him with fire and determination and something else in his eyes, and just how long did he stare at Niall like this? Niall, not knowing what to do with his hands, laid them on his broad chest and felt his cheeks flush, hating the way he felt like such a girl at the moment. He was pressed up against Liam James Payne and Niall knew what normally happened next in the movies but there's no way Liam was going to lean in and actually kiss him was there? Niall didn't know if he was okay with that, or if Liam would actually want to do that with him. After all, Liam was straight, and (as far as he knew) thought Niall was too. So what two 'straight' friends would stand outside their door like some cliché movie from the eighties, as if they just got home from a date (oh god, was that what they just had?) and were about to kiss as they said goodnight on the doorstep? He couldn't handle this, no way. Suddenly Liam didn't feel safe anymore but something intimidating and scary and Niall wasn't sure if he wanted his and it was too soon, too soon after Harry so terribly broke his heart and he couldn't do it. What was wrong with him? What was he so afraid of?

He was scared of falling in love again.

He watched Liam's throat as he swallowed dryly, watched the way his Adam's apple bobbed and then the way his brown eye's tore away from his to look at his mouth, then back up at his eyes again. Liam couldn't be thinking what he thought he was. Because Liam was straight and Niall was a boy and Niall didn't really feel like he was good enough for those reasons but also because Liam and him had always been friends, so when did it change from just friends to holding each other on the front porch? He didn't know, but for some reason, he felt like it must have started a long time ago. Maybe Liam was just as confused as him, not knowing what changed or when it changed or if everything had build up to this exact moment long before they even realized it was happening but Niall certainly missed it.

Finally Liam spoke, and his voice, low and a whisper, definitely confirmed for him that yes, maybe this all wasn't a sudden as he thought.

“You're laughing again...” Liam had a gentle smile on his face, and his large hand caressed his cheek so softly the he found himself leaning into the touch, feeling calm once more, wondering why he was even scared of Liam in the first place, “I haven't heard you laugh like that in such a long time...”

It's because of you, his mind said quickly. But Niall couldn't find the words to say it. Not now, when he didn't want to open up again.

Liam stared at Niall like he was the most beautiful person in the world and, for once,... he felt like he was.

He found a small smile on his face, but he still didn't know what to say. Did Liam expect him to say something? Apparently not, because it didn't take long for Liam to be talking once more.

“I'm just so happy... to see you smile again. I've missed it. You don't know how much I've longed to see you to smile like this.”

And it was then, that Niall realized how obvious him being completely miserable... really was. There was something genuine about Liam's words, something that made Niall think every single word had such meaning and depth and sincerity and the fact it hurt Liam to see Niall in pain, well, he didn't know whether to be flattered or worried or sorry he made his friend feel this way.

But if smiling made Liam, someone, anyone look and speak to him with such sincerity and adoration, he would try to do it more often. Because right now, it wasn't Harry, but Liam who was looking at him like this. It was never Harry who took care of him and went grocery shopping and bought him ice cream or watched movies every night with him or protected him. He wasn't the one who made him feel safe and secure.

Harry would never love him. Plain and simple. That fact that hurt, but Niall knew he would have to accept it. And right now, Harry wasn't the one making him feeling like this. Harry belonged to Louis, had always belong to him, and always would. No matter what obstacles, or fights, or what 'fans' and 'haters' would say, HarryandLouis would always get through it, go back to each other and being even stronger than before. They were something only others could dream of: friends, companions, lovers, to the end. Niall didn't think he'd ever have a true soul mate, someone to be with him for life, someone that even after death, be reborn in another world and find one another or meet again in the afterlife. Like Harry and Louis.

But maybe, just maybe, trying to find that in Liam wouldn't be too bad.

“Liam...” He began to say, but didn't know what else needed to be said. Liam wasn't Harry, no, but maybe he didn't need him to be.

And just as he was feeling comfortable with the idea, resigning to the fact Liam was rubbing his cheek lovingly with his calloused thumb and Liam was indeed going to kiss him now, Liam's phone rang in his pocket, obnoxiously loud.

And it brought both of them back to reality.

Liam reluctantly let go Niall, making Niall almost whimper at the loss of contact, but his eyes never left his as Liam reached for his phone and answered it.

“H-Hello?”

“Hey, Liam? It's me, Harry... Can we meet up somewhere? I think I need to talk to someone, and I think you might be my only option right now.”

“You want me to come over?” Liam sighed, and Niall couldn't help but wonder who it was he was talking to.

“Not really, I think I'd like to be able to talk somewhere else...”

“...Okay then. I'll meet you at the small coffee shop near your place, okay? I'll see you at seven, I have to go retrieve my car-”

“Where is it?”

“Um... at some ice cream shop... Actually, it might take a while-”

“I'm already almost to your flat. Just, can I come pick you up and will go out and talk and get your car on the way? I need to see you, now.”

Liam didn't like the idea of leaving Niall right now, but Harry was coming to him for help, something he had the feeling even Louis didn't know about, and he needed to be there for his friend. And to be honest, he was kind of glad for the distraction, that Harry stopped him at that moment. What Liam had done just seconds ago was all out of impulse, without even considering Niall might not be ready for a relationship yet or if Niall even liked him at all and putting off his feelings and talking about this later with Niall seemed like a better option at this point. It might have seemed like running away, but he'd be back later, and he'd make sure to tell Niall how he really felt, when they had time to not act impulsively and for Liam to think about what all it was he exactly was going to say. But one thing was for sure.

Somewhere along the way, between Danielle breaking up with him for another woman, going along with Zayn's crazy schemes, and Louis' playful yet serious conversations, Liam had started falling for his best friend.

His beautiful, perfect, broken, best friend.

“Sure, I'll see you in a minute, Harry.”

He didn't miss the way Niall immediately frowned and became reclusive at the sound of Harry's name as he hung up the phone.

“...Harry called?” Niall asked, trying to act nonchalant about it, but he couldn't hide the saddness in the tone.

“Uh...” Liam scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “Yeah... I'll be back later tonight, I promise.”

Niall nodded quickly, and went inside the moment he saw Harry's car pull up, not wanting to see Harry at this moment or even Liam, because yes, he was confused at the moment. Liam was kind and thoughtful, but he was glad for the intrusion.

Liam looked at the door Niall just walked through, and sighed. He almost felt hurt, the way Niall left him standing on the doorstep without so much as a goodbye, but he didn't blame him. Harry honked the horn, and Liam walked over to get in the passenger seat.

And as they drove away, Liam's words echoed in Niall's head, and he leaned against the front door, his arms behind his back.

“I'll be back later tonight, I promise.”

“I'll be waiting...” Niall whispered to himself and bit his lip, as if to stop himself from saying anything else foolish.

Only after Harry and Liam went to grab his car and met up at the small, secluded coffee shop and picked the most quiet corner, away from anyone who might recognize them, did Harry realize he actually had no idea where to begin. His mind was reeling, Zayn's cruel words from a few weeks ago plaguing him.

“Harry, stop it.” Zayn's hand gripped his forearm tightly, enough to where Harry was starting to hurt.

“I'm not doing anything.”He bit back, trying to jerk his arm away from Zayn's grasp but to no avail.

His quiet friend, now very livid, glared at him with piercing eyes. “Oh, cut the bullshit. You think I don't know.”

Harry only panicked for a second before regaining composure. After all, there was a lot of things Zayn could be talking about. And Niall wouldn't tell anyone. He swore. Harry would be pissed if Niall ever did, because if Zayn knew, then Louis might find out, and well, he swore that he would keep it a secret from Louis. So Niall couldn't have told Zayn. There was no reason to... was there?

The youngest member coughed, awkwardly prying himself from Zayn's loosening grip, “What are you talking about, Zayn?”

“You know exactly what I mean Harry.”

He gulped, and well, suddenly he knew exactly what Zayn meant.

Harry couldn't lie, he was never good at that. Of course Zayn noticed him staring at Niall, he hadn't been able to get the boy out of his head for weeks. But that didn't mean he wasn't happy with Louis, he loved Louis. Whenever him and Louis cuddled and kissed and laid together it was fantastic, and he only ever did think of how lovely Louis was. He had finally gotten his love and he was happy with that. But it was when he was around Niall, or alone, or maybe (only a few times, he swore) when he'd be making love with Louis did he think of Niall. But that didn't mean he was unsatisfied or wanted something more, no. He was happy he swore-

Oh, who was he kidding.

“Oh God, Zayn... I... don't tell Louis, I-”

“Don't tell Louis, what? That you may be only with him, but you've been eye-fucking Niall for the past month now? Don't think I didn't notice. You obviously need to figure out just who it is exactly you want. You can't have both, Harry, that's selfish.”

Zayn's words hurt more than he'd like to admit.

“Zayn, it's not like that, listen I... ” He looked down at the ground, head hung in shame.

“No, you listen.” Zayn interrupted, forcing Harry's head up to meet those serious, brown eyes, “These past few years, they've been some of the greatest and hardest ones of my entire life, of all of ours. Everything is moving so fast, and I know that it's hard for you to keep up. I know how emotional you've been, how hard it was, not knowing whether Louis loved you back. But... you're not the only one who's been hurt, Harry. Sometimes, you can hurt others without realizing it. I know you're a good person, you're one of the best people I've ever met. But you can't continue hurting people because you're having doubts. Do you even love Louis, Harry?”

“Of course I love him, Zayn, what kind of question is that?” The answer was immediate, and Harry didn't even have to think twice. Of course he loved Louis.

“Then leave Niall alone. He doesn't need you. Let him be happy. Because he hasn't been, not for a long time... If you've even cared to notice."

Harry's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “What are you talking about?”

“Jesus, Harry,” Zayn laughed, but it wasn't funny at all, “Have you even paid attention to anything around you at all? Niall-” Zayn cut himself off, shaking his head in a way that infuriated him. “Just- look at him.”

Zayn spun him around to look where Niall stood, the blond holding a water bottle and a gently expression on his face, one that Harry didn't know well. It was so soft, so sweet, and it looked familiar, but Niall never did that, perhaps only when they had just been formed as a band and the Irishman was still new to everything. It was... lovely. And suddenly Harry wanted to know what was making him smile like that, just who could do that and his eyes drifted to gaze upon the person Niall was staring so lovingly at and he almost couldn't believe who he saw staring back at him with the same adoration in his eyes.

Liam.

That wasn't right. Liam wasn't supposed to like guys, let alone Niall. They were just friends, right? But Niall was staying with Liam for the moment because his own place was bothering him, and Liam did spend more time with Niall than anyone else now and they were always looking at each other when the other wasn't and Harry did notice the way they sat next to each other in every interview, or always roomed together now. And Suddenly, Harry felt something in his blood boil, something that made him want to slap that look straight off of Niall's face because that was something Niall had never done for him, not in the six months of them ever being together, and the thought that Liam might be slowly getting closer and closer to Niall and was able to get such a reaction didn't settle well with him, not at all.

And that scared him.

“It's been so long since Niall's smiled like that, Harry... can't you be content with who you have? Louis loves you Harry, more than anyone else. And I know you love him just as much, if not more. Niall isn't yours to keep, he's a person, Harry. And I think you're forgetting that Niall isn't just some sort of sex object you can keep around. If you need help spicing up your own relationship, I'm sure Louis would be more than willing to oblige. Maybe apologizing to Niall fooling around with him for half a year would help ease your guilty head. And more importantly, I think you need to tell Louis about what all happened between you and Niall. Or I'll tell him.”

Harry almost gave himself whiplash at how fast he turned around to face Zayn, but he was already walking to where Liam and his fucking boyfriend were standing. So Zayn really did know; he must have figured it out or Niall told him for some reason but either way, Zayn knew everything.

Ever since Zayn pulled him aside at their last interview, well, Harry has been a right mess. Because, firstly, he knew that Zayn was right. Louis was Harry's world, and he always would be. The fact Harry obviously wasn't talking to Louis, let alone anyone, about his problems, wasn't fair to him. And Harry, really was hurting Louis by not admitting what was on his mind, and it was kind of like, well, he was cheating, by not telling Louis everything that happened. And he still felt horrible, realizing the entire time he was with Niall, he never once asked if he was okay, or if he actually wanted to do all that Harry coerced him into. And well, he didn't know what he was doing when he called up Liam, but Louis had been trying (and failing horribly) to cook them dinner and he gave Harry that sweet, hurt smile that seemed to be on his face whenever Harry looked at him now, instead of the beautiful, mischievous and happy grin he was used to seeing all the time. And he couldn't take it, not when Louis was looking at him with such hurt in those crystal blue eyes, and ran out the house, forgetting a jacket and Liam's phone was already being dialed by the time he pulled out of the driveway and Louis watching him leave with that pained expression as he drove off.

He stared down at his cup of tea, biting his lip and not knowing at all where to start. He needed to tell someone, get advice from anyone. And well, Liam was the only one he could go to. He just... he needed reassurance, that he wasn't crazy.

He needed help.

Liam reached over, grabbing his friend's hand and holding it from across the small table. It was obvious, how torn Harry was just from the way he looked. And he was glad Harry called, because he wanted to be there for his friend, help him out with whatever happened. He knew how sensitive Harry could get, and although Niall, waiting at home for him and god knows what on his mind... he needed to be there for Harry too.

“What's wrong Harry? Was it Louis? Did he say something again?”

Harry chuffed, a breathy air coming out of his mouth, “No, he didn't say anything... I...” A guilty look came upon Harry's face, “It's me... I- I'm the one who's done something wrong.”

Liam frowned. That didn't sound good...

“Just what...” He spoke cautiously, “Did you do Harry...?”

“Well... I haven't done anything wrong, but I'm, I'm just so confused Liam, I don't know what to do.” Harry sighed, feeling exasperated. He knew he was rambling now, but he just needed to get it all out, everything he had been feeling these past few weeks. “And I don't even know why I called you, I mean, it's not like you're gonna like what I have to say. I'm just so scared of you judging me or hating me and I can't deal with anyone doing that right now. Zayn must be so angry at me, I know it and-”

“Woah, Woah, Woah, Harry. Just calm down!” Liam was shocked; this was the fastest he'd ever heard Harry talk in his entire life. “I won't hate you, I mean, I can't make any promises if it's bad I won't be mad but, I mean... I won't ever hate you Harry, I could never hate you. And what's this about Zayn?”

Harry took a deep breath, and nodded, “Right, right... Well... I just don't know where to start...”

“The beginning is always a good place.” Liam gave a friendly smile, and it eased his nerves.

“Right, well,” Harry bit his lip, trying to find the courage to admit what's happened. “I just... you know I've always... loved Louis. And he's perfect, and I was so sad, before we were together. It was just too much for me to handle, I couldn't take it. Seeing him with Eleanor, and all of the rumors and my own girlfriends I never really wanted, and my own insecure self and just the fact I thought we we're so much to handle.. and I, I needed help. I couldn't handle all the pressure and sadness on my own, so most of the time, well... I'd call up Niall and we'd have a beer or two and just talk or watch a movie to get my mind off of it. Niall was the only one who knew about my feelings... When we we're on the x-factor, I might have admitted to him I didn't just like girls, but blokes as well and then later on, when I knew I really was in love with Lou I- I told him everything.”

Liam nodded, wondering exactly where this story was going. Harry was so on edge, it made Liam wonder exactly when it would go wrong. But he was guessing he was going to find out right now, because Harry was taking a huge breath and looking at Liam with the most sorry and guilty expression he'd ever seen. 

“And then, well, one night, it had gotten to be too much and I went to Niall again and... We were sitting on his couch, and I think I had one too many because I had looked over at Niall and I was so upset and he looked really good that night. And I don't know what it was but I was just hurting so much and wanted to- wanted to feel something and I-”

Liam froze, knowing what for words were coming next, but not wanting to believe it. No. There was no way possible. Not all this time, not now. The person who Niall loved, who broke his heart, who used him, who hurt him, it couldn't be. Not when he was so in love with Louis, Louis Tomlinson who loved him back just as much and no, there's just no way-

“I kissed him. And then... we-”

“You...” Liam whispered, staring at Harry Styles. Harry Fucking Styles, his best mate, the youngest, lovestruck member of the band whose love for Louis blinded him so much he couldn't see what was right fucking in front of him the entire time. He was the one who Niall...

“Yeah...” Harry bit his lip nervously, and stared down at his tea, not being able to face his friend. He was ashamed of his thoughtless actions, how he could so easily sleep with someone else while thinking of Louis. “We did... I- had sex, with Niall... I was just so drunk, and Niall had a beer or two as well and it was just it felt so good to be able to touch something, even if it wasn't the person I really wanted. It was physical contact and it helped so much, just being able to get out all these pent up feelings and- and Niall had said it was okay...”

No. Harry wasn't. Liam hadn't want to think it was possible, had pushed it to the back of his mind, so far he hadn't even thought about it these past few weeks. Harry... Harry couldn't hurt a fly. He couldn't have hurt... Niall.

Harry let everything flow out of his mouth, feeling this overwhelming sense of relief, being able to finally speak of this, “And it felt good, to be able to pretend it was Louis, and Niall was so... good. Like he understood what I was going through and was okay with it... And it became-” he gulped, “A thing, me and him did. In fact, it became so frequent, every night we had a hotel room instead of a bus, or when we had a day off Niall and I would- sleep together. So I guess it was an affair, but it was because I just became so dependent on having that, having Niall's comfort and he was just always so warm and it all... felt amazing.”

But it explained everything, Niall's failing health and happiness, slowly depleting this past year, Harry's standoffish ways, only clinging onto Niall. Their friendship growing as Louis and Harry's slowly depleted... the way Harry and Niall seemed to always be tired and turn in early, like Louis had bitterly said so long ago- Every Night. The random way Niall's eyes would sometime be so far off, or how he didn't really move around on stage some nights, or the fact Liam would notice him limp some days and Harry's face just a little more smug. It made sense.

“And that's all it every really was, Niall and I sleeping together because I needed something... anything to get out all these feelings and urges when I was near him. And Niall helped. And once Louis and I got together, it stopped, right then- and Niall was so happy for me, he was so ecstatic and congratulated me the moment I told him. I just had to tell him the good news in person, so I even ran back to his house the moment we confessed our feelings and told him- in fact...” Harry paused thoughtfully, “It was actually the same night Niall had gone out with Zayn and returned to his flat being wrecked...”

The wheels turned in Liam's mind, back to that morning. How did he not realize it? The way Niall acted, the way Zayn and Niall flat out lied to everyone about what happened. Niall was the one who ruined his house. He did all that by himself. He destroyed everything, and then called Zayn and then confided in him. Zayn's known all along. This was what Zayn had been yelling at Harry over right before that interview a few weeks back. And Liam was only figuring this out now? That...

“And things have been going great, with me and Louis, but recently... I... I can't stop thinking about it.”

Liam gulped, trying to keep calm, to not scream. He steadied his breath as much as he could, before asking what he already knew the answer to. “Thinking about what, Harry...?”

“...Niall. I- I kept thinking about how I-” He sighed, biting back tears, “I didn't even think about him, Liam. I never once tried to make it good for him. I just took, without even asking. Not even that first time... That was his first time, Liam... and I... I ruined it. It must have hurt so bad... and every time, I just... I would demand things from him, and he'd do it. And the worst part was, I liked it. I liked having that power. It scares me, because now I can't stop thinking about it. And I feel like I've cheated, like I've always been cheating on Louis. And I just love him so much, and he's everything I've ever wanted.”

Harry couldn't stop them now, the tears from falling, and he choked up once he said Louis' name, “I've only ever wanted him, but now... Now all I think about is Niall, and what I've done to him, and how I treated him so badly and the worst part is I want it back. I keep thinking about all those faces Niall made and how he looked underneath me and the way I could get him to do anything, and he'd do it, so easily and I loved that control and oh God- ” He wept, sucking in breath, “I'm such a horrible person, Li. I'm so horrible because I want Louis to be enough, but I can't ever ask him to do... those things for me and I've become so dependent on Niall now, all I think of is Niall would do it for me... And I can't ever imagine Louis being okay with it. I just scared because now I don't know what it is I want and I... I just feel so bad all the time.”

Now, Liam was imagining it too, Niall, screaming out in pain and pleasure as Harry claimed him over and over again. He could imagine every angle, every surface where they must have fucked. He pictured Niall's blue eyes pouring over with hot tears, Harry thrusting in and out, in and out, practically rape but not because Niall wanted it, willing to taking any sort of affection from the younger boy. It must have hurt, hurt so bad to be taken for the first time and every time in such a violent manner. But him being okay with it because, well, it was Harry. And it was all Harry, it was always Harry.

“And the worst part is... Louis knows. He knows something is wrong with me, and I'm too much of a coward to tell him. But I'm hurting Louis, Li. I'm hurting him so much because he knows that I'm not all quite with him and I'm not always giving him the love he deserves so fucking much because I'm too busy being selfish me, like I've always been. You should see the way he looks at me, like he knows that I have all these conflicting emotions and as if I don't love him anymore but I do. I love him so much Li and it's killing me that I'm doing this to him. The way he looked at me, like his beautiful eyes were drained from life and so tired and hurt because of me... Oh God, Li, I can't stand it...” Harry hiccuped pitifully. “I don't know what to do Li, I... I need help.”

Liam walked around to sit beside Harry, pulling him closer and wrapped his arms around the boy. He stroke Harry's curls, the tall man suddenly seeming quite small and helpless. Liam let him calm down in his arms, and after a minutes, slowly Harry's tears we're subsiding and his breath became more even. He pulled back from Liam's grip just enough to wipe his reddened eyes and gave him a weak smile. He looked so young right now, like the innocent, naïve Harry when he was just a kid, when all of them we're children, meeting for the very first time.

And right now, Liam couldn't bring himself to hate him like he should. Not Harry, never Harry.

“Thanks, Liam, I... I needed to tell someone... I was going to explode.”

“Harry...” Liam looked down at him, the serious tone making the smile disappear from his face, “I know this is a lot... but you need to tell Lou. If this is bothering you so much, tell Louis what's wrong. At least confess of what you and Niall had... since the four of us already know, it's best you be honest with him. He might be upset, but if it's killing you this bad, you need to tell him. And maybe making amends with Niall, giving him some sort of closure... would be best for both of you.”

Harry looked down at his lap, before nodding. “I know that... I just needed to get it all out, before I tell him. Zayn said the same thing to me, he said I needed to tell Louis. But I just, I feel a lot better now, confiding in you. I was scared at first, I thought you would be mad or judge me but now I'm glad you know. But now, if I tell Louis ...I'm not sure if I'm ready. I don't know if it'll help. What if I still feel like this? What if Louis... isn't enough? I couldn't handle that, I couldn't...”

“Harry...” Liam gripped his friend's shoulder, firmly. “Louis will always love you. And you will always love him. You two can work this out together, as a team. And you will tell him. I won't rush you, but when the time is right, when you're ready to sit him down and have this conversation, when you two can figure this out, you will tell him. But if you wait too long, it might already be too late... just try to be happy. If you really love him, show him how much. And if you feel ready, talk to Niall. Tell him you're sorry for what you feel you've done. I'm sure he'll appreciate it.”

Harry's smile was small, but it was still there. “Thank you so much Liam, you're a good friend, talking to me on such short notice... this isn't something I could have go to Nick about, you know? He just wouldn't understand. I hope you weren't busy, or didn't have anywhere to be.”

Liam thought back to Niall, the tight embrace and almost kiss they had just moments before Harry called. He thought of Niall's hurt and confused expression at Harry's name, and the way he so quickly went back inside the house after Liam awkwardly spoke.

I'll be back later tonight, I promise.

“No, I wasn't doing anything important. Don't worry about it, Harry. I have nowhere to be.”

After throwing away their cold tea, and a final embrace at the door, Harry walked back to his care, saying he would go home and try to eat Louis' inedible meal, or at least cook a new one, and try to tell him he loved him. And Liam, well, Liam made a phone call after Harry drove away.

After about the fifth ring, just when he thought he would be put into voice mail, they answered.

“Liam?”

“Hey, Zayn,” Liam spoke, a tone probably a bit too hard. “I need a drink. Go out for a pint with me, yeah? I don't care where.”

“Yeah... okay then. Just let me tell Perrie.”

He heard some rustling in the background, Perrie's faint voice asking, “Is it him?” and “What's wrong?” and Zayn apologizing to her for having to leave at this moment (Liam imagined they were probably about to have sex, but couldn't bring himself to care), and Perrie's sweet voice telling him in a very motherly voice to, “Be careful... Zayn. Don't... hurt yourself, alright?” Before Zayn spoke to Liam once more.

“I'll be at the small one on the Upper Mall, alright? Meet me there and we'll have a drink." 

“Thanks.”

And after hanging up, Liam got into his care, and took a deep, shaky breath.

Harry was the one who broke Niall. Harry ruined Niall's mind and body. He killed any chance of Niall having a meaningful first time, of realizing what it was like to have someone love you back. Harry was the reason Niall's heart was broken. It was all Harry's fault.

Harry was the one Niall loved, with every fiber of his being.

And Liam would never win.

After calming himself down enough to drive, he started his engine and began driving to the place Zayn mentioned. Then, that's when he'd confess everything, pour out his emotions over a nice drink and a good talk to the guy who got him in this mess in the first place, who made him feel like this, so horribly useless and pathetic and worse than he'd ever been before in his life. Compared to how he felt now, Danielle breaking up with him was only a mere scratch. He needed to stay calm before then to drive, before meeting up with his friend.

After all, he had no where else to be.          

Chapter Text

Liam downed his fifth drink like it was his first shot that night. 

Zayn wanted to tell him to slow down, but he just didn't have the heart to. Not when he would feel like a hypocrite if he did. After all, Zayn understood how painful it was to hurt, like this. He'd felt it many times, over and over again. Usually, when he felt upset however, he would go to Perrie. Beautiful, elegant, sexy Perrie who always listened, who was really, truly, Zayn's own personal outlet when it came to... anything, really. She always listened, was always ready to be the tears and pain and sorrow that he couldn't express so openly himself.

He guessed he was just one big, hypocrite when it came to Perrie. After all, he and Harry really weren't that much different. Zayn did have someone, who made it easy to forget, to escape from a reality they knew wasn't all that much attainable (except Louis actually did love him the entire time). And Perrie, well, Zayn wasn't stupid. He knew Perrie loved him more than life itself. He knew he would never find another like her, someone so dedicated and loyal and true ever again in his lifetime. He knew Perrie was his true partner; the only person who would ever stick by his side, the only woman who would ever truly die for him. But, as much as he wanted her love, adoration, her loyalty to be enough, he knew it never would be. It made him sad, to think Perrie would never even consider trying to find another man more worthy of her affection. And as much as Zayn loved her, he knew Perrie would always be second to who he was in love with.

And the worst part, was Perrie knew too. And she still stayed with him, still made love to him and still cried the tears he refused to shed himself, for him. Not only did she offer herself for sex (though he truly wasn't using her for sex like Harry did or what Niall tried to do. He refused to use her, like she was an inanimate object to be messed around with. Making love to Perrie was something he could actually say he did for her, because he honestly did love her, in the most strangest way), but Perrie also so deeply loved him, she felt every intense feeling he did, as if that pain could transfer telepathically to the woman. She knew who he truly loved, more than anyone, wasn't her. She knew nothing she did would ever change that. But instead of hurting for her own grief, she hurt because of Zayn's sorrow. He could hide his emotions from his family, his friends, but never her. And the way her tears were not caused because he would never completely be hers, but that he could never completely have him...

It was the greatest relief and greatest cause of Zayn's pain.

So Liam, needing to get pissed because he found out Niall, all this time, has been in love and having rough, heartbreaking sex with their best friend and heart breaker Harry Styles who was supposedly in love with his own best friend at the time... Well, Zayn understood completely. He didn't approve, but who was he to tell him no? Instead, Zayn bought his friends drinks, letting him grieve, for at least tonight. After all, Zayn supposed he was the one who did this to him. After all, he was the one who threatened Liam to fall in love with Niall in the first place, even if it was the exact opposite of what he truly wanted.

But only for tonight.

“Liam,” Zayn sighed, feeling the pack of smokes in his pocket subconsciously as he felt the urge to smoke creep up on him. “You do know that just because this is Harry you're dealing with, doesn't mean Niall could never fall in love with you. From what I could tell, Niall hasn't been his happy in a long time. The fact you're the cause of that is something promising all in itself.”

Liam scoffed, calling the bartender over so he could order another shot. The bartender look to Zayn, who just nodded dismissively and the old man handed over another shot. “Please, Zayn. This is Harry we're talking about. He's cute and sexy and smart and slow and talented and adorable and hot all rolled into one. How am I supposed to compete with that? Everyone falls a little in love with Harry, everyone. It's no surprise Harry has two guys madly in love with him, along with every fucking girl in the world right now.”

His words were slow, but Zayn could hear him clearly, and sighed.

“Liam... Look, I wouldn't have told you to help Niall get over him if I didn't think you could do it. I figured, after awhile, Niall would tell you what happened when he was ready anyway, and he probably will still. And once he does, I know he'll be ready to move on and fall for you just as much, if not more, than Harry. All he needs is time. I know it's a lot to deal with, to stress over and stuff. But when I say that I knew you would fall in love with him and he will genuinely fall in love with you two... I mean it.”

Even though Zayn really didn't want to 'mean' it.

Liam chuckled darkly, cynical. “Right...”

They sat in silence, Liam moping like a depressed child and Zayn itching to lite one up and debating whether to leave his friend for a smoke, but decided it wasn't worth it. After all, finally coming to terms with how you feel about someone, then realizing the person they loved was one of your best friends, well... It was hard. Zayn knew the feeling all too well. The only difference was, he was able to accept it, that the person of his true desires would never return his feelings. He grew immune to the feeling, able to just confide in Perrie and let her do the emotional exhaustion for him. And Liam... he obviously had been hit with all of this, all at once. It was understandable to feel confused and hurt and depressed and unsure right now.

“You know...” Liam began, making Zayn look up at his gorgeous friend. He really was, face gentle yet manly, muscles firm yet smooth. And he did look good tonight, like always. He watched Liam's lips as he spoke, making sure to watch how his words slurred but voice enunciated each stress. “I didn't even want to. I'm straight, damn it... I'm not supposed to feel like this, over a man. That's just... that's not right. Not for me, anyway. So even if Niall did like me back, then how would I even be able to be with him? I don't even know if it would work out... like, how would I have sex with him if I can't even get it up right...”

Liam mumbled the last part, so low that Zayn barely heard it.

“Wait, Liam... you...” Zayn let out a breathy laugh, not believing what he heard, “You can't... you're having problems getting an erection?" 

And while Zayn wanted to laugh, he didn't, not when Liam's faced flushed a bright pink before he murmured to the old man he wanted another drink.

Zayn scooted closer to his friend, concerned, making Liam look down at him with an ashamed look on his face, “Liam... what makes you think you wouldn't be able to get it up if you were to have sex? I mean, I know I've seen you with morning wood or hot and bothered before... What would this be different?”

Liam sighed, mumbling into his seventh drink for the night, and Zayn made a mental note not to let Liam drink anymore. Not when he was obviously drunk enough to reveal his insecurities and probably have a horrid hangover in the morning, “Well, when me and Danielle tried to... have sex the last few times, apparently I got stage fright and couldn't, well... stay up. So if I couldn't stay hard for her, how could I stay hard for a guy?”

Zayn really wanted to laugh, but for the sake of Liam's dignity, he refrained from doing so. It was just so adorable how Liam didn't really get it yet. “Liam... I know you might not want to hear this... but have you ever thought that the reason why you couldn't get hard with Danielle was because you weren't really attracted to her?”

Liam blinked, in a dumb but endearing way, “...No. I never thought about that.”

Zayn chuckled, that's so Liam. “If that's the case, then I'm sure you won't have any problem with Niall.”

Liam sat there with a serious expression on his face, like he was thinking really hard about something before letting a loud, “OHHHHH,” fall from his lips. And before Liam could order another drink, Zayn paid the bartender and grabbed the arm of his inebriated friend, dragging him out of the bar before he could get any more wasted.

Liam gave a small hiccup, looking over at Zayn with a small smile on his face, “Thanks, for coming out here. I know you we're probably about to get it on with Perrie, sorry for ruining your chances of getting laid tonight.”

Zayn shrugged the awkward comment off, not wanting to think about how he actually had been balls deep in Perrie's pretty mouth right before Liam called him. “It's alright. There's always next time.” He led the younger man to his car, opening the passenger side, and helping him sit down and get buckled in. Zayn was going to go over to his side to drive, but was stopped by a surprisingly firm grip on his forearm. He turned back to Liam, meeting those dark brown, puppy eyes he never really could resist. “What is it?” He asked.

“Why am I in your car? I should be in mine.”

Zayn chuckled lightly at his confused friend.

“You're in no condition to drive home. So you're going to crash with me tonight, okay? And besides, I don't think you want to go home and have Niall see you drunk. The best plan is to just sleep it off for right now.”

Liam nodded, as if he really understood, and let go of Zayn's arm. He got in on his side and started the car, the two of them driving to Zayn's flat. The ride was mostly in silence, something Zayn was eternally grateful, until Liam spoke up and asked something rather bold. Probably the alcohol loosening his lips.

“What exactly is it you have with Perrie, anyway? You're not actually dating her, are you?”

Zayn couldn't say the question was rather unexpected, but he didn't know if he really wanted to answer it truthfully. However, seeing no reason to really lie to Liam, he decided to at least talk about it a little bit.

“Perrie and I... I guess you could say we're together, but we're not exclusive. She's allowed to be with whoever she wants, and so am I. She just chooses not to be with anyone else.”

“Do you love her?”

Another question that wasn't exactly surprising, but something he wasn't sure he wanted to tell Liam of all people. Still, Zayn figured it was just easier to be honest, and he never really could lie to Liam, not completely.

“I love her, yes-”

“Then why do you sleep around on her? If you both love each other, why can't you be exclusive?”

Zayn could tell that this question had been plaguing Liam's thoughts, the way he was so serious and urgent for an answer. He couldn't really understand why, or how it was any of Liam's business. But right now, Zayn was too exhausted to care or figure out why Liam cared so much.

“...I love her, Liam, but I'm not in love with her. And it's not like I'm lying to her, she knows. And she understands. Our relationship is emotional and physical, but it's not about being in love with one another. I've told her to go find someone else, someone better suited for her, but she seems content where she is now. And I'm not going to force her to do anything. She's a big girl, Liam, she can handle herself.”

“But...” Liam looked over at Zayn, a worried and sad expression spread across his face, “Aren't you worried you're hurting her feelings by sleeping with other people while she stays faithful to you?”

Oh, if only Liam knew.

Zayn sighed as he pulled into his garage, and parked his car. “Li... sometimes it's better not to understand things, okay? Sometimes things need to just... be the way they are, and they'll change when they need to. I love Perrie, but I can't give her what she truly deserves. When she's ready, she'll go and find someone else to love. Let's just leave it at that, okay?”

“Would you ever marry Perrie, for real?”

Zayn thought for a minute.

“If I thought that would make her truly happy, then yes. I would. But it wouldn't.”

Liam seemed satisfied with those answers, and Zayn was glad for it. He didn't think he couldn't take trying to answer anymore, not when Liam was the one asking them.

He got out of his side, and then went over to help Liam out, only to find the man already standing and looking quite sober. Perhaps it was the intense conversation they had only moments ago, or he didn't really drink as much as Zayn thought. But either way, Zayn and Liam we're walking to the front door of Zayn's flat. And as he fumbled for the right key to unlock the door, he heard Liam speak.

“You're worth more than you think you are Zayn. Don't sell yourself short.”

The words were innocent enough, but they left a sort of sting, one Zayn wasn't to used to letting himself feel. He couldn't say he expected that... Or well, anything else that was about to happen that night.

Zayn unlocked the door, and then put his keys back into his pocket. But instead of going in, he reached for the pack in his coat, bringing a cigarette out of it and grabbing his lighter. He hated the nasty habit, but it was hard to kick it once you've started. “You can go inside and get comfortable in the guest room. I'm gonna have a smoke.” He murmured, his lips wrapping around the cancer stick as he lit the end.

But instead of going inside, like he thought Liam would, the man reached over and pried the stick from his mouth. Zayn tried to protest, especially since he had been aching for one for a few hours, but couldn't do anything but helplessly watch as Liam dropped the fag on the grown and stomped it out with his foot. He looked up at Liam, confused and upset, but before he even go the chance to ask why Liam did that, Zayn met his friend's serious and slightly confused gaze, and instantly shut up when the taller male began walking towards him. Zayn tried to walk backwards, but his back met his front door and he could say with certainty he was a little more than surprised when Liam's towering figure pinned him against it, a hand on other side of his face. His eyes widened, in panic and shock and disbelief and Zayn gave his friend a warning, “Liam...” But honestly, it didn't sound nearly as threatening as he would have liked it to. Not when Liam was close to his face he could feel his fucking breath on his face and smell the alcohol on it.

His friend audibly swallowed, obviously nervous and unsure of what he was doing himself. “You really shouldn't smoke, Zayn... It will kill you.”

I'm pretty sure you'll kill me first, Zayn thought bitterly.

“Liam, look, you're drunk, upset and you don't even know what you're doing,” Zayn sighed, forcing himself to push Liam away, “I don't think you really want to kiss me right now.”

“...I think I do.” Liam replied dumbly.

Zayn gave him a stern look, as if he was scolding a child, “No, you don't. You want to kiss Niall. And I think this band has learned that it's never good to kiss someone while thinking of someone else.”

Liam breathed in, taking in the way Zayn smelled of expensive cologne and cigarettes, and perhaps a little bit of Perrie's perfume mixed into one. “I get that... but like, really, I want to kiss you. I like Niall, but I want to kiss you.”

Zayn's resistance faltered slightly, but he didn't want to give in. “What makes you so sure of that?”

“Cause...” Zayn felt Liam's big, brown eyes rake his body, taking him in, biting his lip like he was something fine and no, this was not according to his plan at all. “You look good. And I don't know what I'm doing. And I'm drunk. Kissing hot guys, that's what gay people do when they're drunk and don't really know what they're doing, right? I'm pretty knew at this, so I'm not sure.”

“Well, yeah, but...” Zayn bit his lip, and perhaps he shouldn't have done that because Liam just did a sharp intake of breath and was now practically shaking above him, “Not when they're really wanting someone else and-”

“Damn it, Zayn, you're so stubborn.”

And Zayn never did get to finish that sentence because, well, Liam was now kissing him, rather harshly. And, to Zayn's dismay, he let himself kiss him back. Because well, it was Liam, and Liam had his tongue in his mouth and his lips felt soft against his and it was kind of hard not to move back when someone like Liam was currently kissing you like their life depended on it. Zayn slid his tongue against his, taking in that bitter taste of alcohol into his own mouth and clashing his teeth against his and it was wet and dirty and fuck Zayn didn't want to stop kissing him but he was losing air fairly quickly and breathing in small amounts through his nose wasn't helping at all.

Zayn wrapped his fingers around the back of Liam's neck and pulled him closer, wanting to get one last taste before he broke apart. The two of them stood there, foreheads pressed together and lips bruised and panting heavily into each others face and Zayn knew he had to stop this, before Liam did something he regretted, and so did he.

“Listen, Liam,” His breathing was labored, but he fought it, “We can't do this.”

Liam groaned into his ear, and oh Jesus if that didn't do something down below to Zayn... “Why not?” he whined, tongue poking out to lick the shell of his ear and holy fuck Zayn's legs almost gave out.

“B-because...” He stuttered, only standing because he hung from Liam's neck and Liam had a hand gripping his waist tight enough to bruise. “What... makes this any different than what Harry's done? How can this be okay, when you love Niall, and not me?”

“Zayn,” Liam sighed, turning his head to give a gentle kiss on the side of face, one that Zayn didn't really feel like he deserved, “I'm not trying to use you as some sort of outlet or toy... I'm trying to figure out if I could even be with a man, let alone love one, like Niall.” Liam trailed kisses from the side of his face to his lips, letting the hand that was against the wall now tilt his chin softly.

And well, he supposed that made sense, but he couldn't give in, not so easily. “So... I'm an experiment... not a replacement?” He said in between kisses, murmuring low against Liam's thin lips.

“No...” Liam whisper gently taking Zayn's bottom lip and pulling it with his teeth, biting and sucking, “You're not a replacement. No one could replace Niall...”

Zayn didn't know if that made him feel better about threading his fingers through Liam's short hair or not.

He moaned loudly, probably a bit more than necessary, but Liam didn't seem to mind as he began grinding his hips against his, Zayn now able to feel the growing erection that Liam was sporting out here in the cold London air. He rutted back against him, the two of them falling into a steady rhythm while leaning against his front door. God, it felt good, to do something so naughty and crazy with Liam, the supposed good boy of One Direction. And he did feel bad, felt like going behind Niall's back by dry humping Liam on his doorstep, but how could he bring himself to care when Liam didn't?

“Liam...” Zayn moaned his name out, earning a rough grunt in response. “Promise me-” He hissed, feeling Liam pry his thighs open with his leg, and Zayn instantly grind against it, loving the way it help release and build pressure all at the same time. “Promise me... you won't... make this into something it's not.” He took breaks in between, kissing Liam feverishly.

“Zayn...” Liam kissed him slowly, deceiving. After a long moment, where only their lips were pressed against each others, smooth and unmoving, Liam broke apart and looked Zayn straight in the eye. “I won't ever get confused and think I love you. I'm not Harry. I can handle having sex with someone and it not meaning a thing. To be honest, I don't even think it's possible for me to fall for you. You're attractive, but you're not him. And this isn't me pouring my feelings to you. This is me honestly just horny and desperate and wanting to see if I really am attracted to men. So just shut up and let me fuck you, yeah?”

Okay, ouch. A little harsh, but at least it was the confirmation Zayn needed to hear in order to feel better about this.

“Yeah, Okay.”

And Zayn allowed himself to be hoisted up, wrapping his legs tight around Liam's waist as he held him with one hand, opening the door and finally walking into Zayn's flat. He refreshed Liam's memory as to where his bedroom exactly was, and then they were off, Liam stumbling to his room and almost dropping Zayn a few times, but they made it and Zayn safely landed on his bed, one that still had Perrie's jean jacket from a few nights ago laying in the corner. In fact, the entire room had evidence of Perrie's presence: a small sock laying on his night stand, a spare floral-scented deodorant stick on his dresser... If he turned to his left, he could see some spare clothes of hers hanging in an open wardrobe, and a pair of comfy shoes set beside his own.

And instead of feeling guilty for what he was about to do, he felt guilty because he knew he was about to break his promise he made to her right before he left her apartment; and Perrie would have to be the one who suffered the consequences of it yet again.

He let Liam look at him for a moment, just laying on the bed as he stared wide eyed, perhaps realizing that yes, he was in fact about to have sex with a man. Zayn remembered his first time with a guy (although he was about sixteen when that happened... and the guy wasn't very nice about it but hey, it didn't bother him now), and new it could be a very daunting task, knowing a general idea of how things go but not exactly where to... begin. Zayn put a comforting hand on Liam, and a reassuring smile and was glad that was all he needed to do for Liam to start moving, leaning down in order to meet Zayn for a kiss.

Zayn lost his clothes quickly after that, kicking off his shoes and then Liam taking the rest off one by one. Zayn did the same for him, shedding Liam of his jean jacket and then the rest of his clothing until the two of them were sitting there, naked on Zayn's bed. Zayn met Liam's eyes, feeling like he could drown in them but refusing to let him feel anything else as Liam dipped his head down and began mouthing at all the tattoos on his torso. Zayn sighed, content, and let his eyes flutter shut as he felt Liam's hot tongue tracing his collarbone, then dipping lower to kiss his left pectoral when Zayn threaded his fingers through his hair. Liam took that nipple into his mouth, licking it slow before taking the sensitive nub in between his teeth and pulling and oh, that was something normally Zayn did for Perrie but he didn't mind being on the receiving end of things for once. And after letting out a small moan and Liam officially abusing his nipple enough, Liam let his mouth dip down to Zayn's stomach and played with his belly button while his left hand went to play with his neglected nipple.

As he felt Liam's breath and tongue against his belly, a hot, burning sensation began building up inside. It was something familiar, something he felt whenever he was aroused and aching and wanting attention. He tried to keep his breathing steady, but that was rather hard when Liam's mouth felt like God and was slowly going lower and lower until his breath ghosted above Zayn's erection. He looked down at Liam, seeing the question on his face, and he spoke hoarsely, “You don't have to, Li...” He tried to tell him.

“No,” Liam shook his head, “I really want to try this.”

And Zayn literally had his breath taken away when he felt Liam's hot mouth surround his cock. Jesus he didn't even ease himself into it, just went for it, and Zayn had to admit, that was pretty hot. Having his shaft surrounded by that wet heat felt good. And well, by the way Liam quickly caught on and was moving his mouth up and down and bobbing and sucking, Zayn was pretty damn sure if singing wasn't Liam's calling than sucking dick sure was. How did this boy not know he was attracted to men? How was that even possible, when this was by far some of the best head in his entire life? And the fact Liam hadn't ever even done it before now... He was a natural. The sound that came out of Zayn's mouth wasn't something he was entire proud of, but he was pretty sure Liam was.

He almost didn't even feel Liam lift his up in the air, but he did, along with his finger sliding up and down his perineum and Zayn breathed out quickly, “Lube...” Before Liam could slide his finger in between his cheeks and into his hole, “It's in the top drawer... and con-” he moan as Liam took him in deeper, deeper than Perrie ever could, “Condom....” Zayn moaned loudly as his finger pressed that sensitive skin.

Liam pulled back, releasing Zayn's dick with a loud 'pop' and a strand of saliva breaking when he went to grab the requested items. It was then that Zayn realized Liam's hands were shaking and he sat up, getting his attention, “Hey, Liam...”

Liam looked up from the items in his hand, to meet Zayn's reassuring gaze. “You're doing fine so far.” He gave his friend a small smile, and one slowly crept onto Liam's face as well.

“Thanks.”

And then the younger boy squirted a generous amount onto his fingers and laid Zayn back down to put the first finger in.

It had been awhile, since the last time Zayn had got fucked. Recently, it really had only been Perrie he'd slept with, ever since about two months ago. He just didn't have time, to go out and find a man who would keep quiet and not sell the story to the paparazzi. And well, she was convenient. So the intursion did feel somewhat foreign, and took Zayn awhile to adjust to before Liam added the second finger. There was a slight burn, when Liam scissored him but it also felt really good and Zayn found himself excited and scared at the prospect of having Liam inside him because well, it had been a really long time and when they said Liam was ten inches they weren't lying.

He entered a third finger, curling the digits slightly and oh god there- it had been such a long time since he had felt his prostate be properly touched and he moaned like a porn star, earning a pleased smile from Liam. And then, Liam must have gotten overly eager, because he slipped in four fucking fingers and Zayn's eyes shot open as he felt that intense stretch and burn overtake him and it stung but felt so good and tears sprung to his eyes and he had to place a hand on Liam's shoulder and tell him to stop before he came right then and there.

“S-stop, Li- too much.” He breathed out, and the man instantly slowed.

“S-sorry, about that.” Liam blushed, embarrassed. “It's just... god, you're face, Zayn. ...So hot.” He leaned down to kissed Zayn messily, and he compromised, letting his tongue do most of the work and Liam the rest of it.

After a few minutes, Zayn broke away, and looked up a Liam, lip properly abused, “How do you want me?”

Liam thought for a minute, but then answered fast once he figured it out, “Turn around, on your knees...” He added, almost as an afterthought, “please.”

Zayn chuckled, “It's okay Liam, you don't have to worry...” He leaned in to whisper in his ear before doing what he asked, feeling a little cheeky, “I like being ordered around.”

He felt kinda proud, getting Liam to inhale so sharply just by saying that one sentence. And suddenly, Liam's eyes darkend, looking at Zayn with such a dark stare it excited him, “On your knees, now.”

And Zayn did as he asked, resting against his forearms and sticking his ass up, almost as if presenting it to him.

He heard Liam rustling in the background, ripping opening the condom packet and the squirt nose of the lubricant and Liam spread the liquid on his shaft. He himself moaned when he heard Liam's pants as he jacked himself off for a while, rutting against the sheets and groaning out, “Pleaseeee Leeeyummmm.” before Liam finally gave him what he wanted, and used his big hands to spread his ass cheeks apart and enter him slowly.

And the burn... oh the burn didn't stop as Liam finally went balls deep inside him and Zayn felt like he was being split in two with Liam so deep and thick... but he liked it, didn't want it to stop and once the pain became bearable and turned into pleasure as he felt Liam's dick twitch inside him and Liam's trembling fingers on his hips, and finally told Liam he could move, knowing it must be hard for him to keep still for so long.

And once he pulled back and slammed back in, well, Zayn was seeing stars. Because it was as if Liam knew, right exactly where his prostate was and hit it every time and it all was amazing, how Liam would thrust so hard and deep, while he pulled Zayn closed to meet him half way and Zayn had to admit, he missed this. Liam was so good, Zayn's breathing labored and his panting got louder and louder and moans couldn't be contained until Zayn thought he was practically screaming. And Liam wasn't silent either, grunting and being just as vocal as he chanted, “Uh... yes... Zayn, fuck... so tight-” like a mantra and soon the only thing leaving Zayn's lips was, “Liam, Liam Leeyummmm.” And he didn't know how long he could last like this.

Suddenly, Zayn felt himself moving in Liam's arms, the stronger man moving him and pulling him up to sit in his lap, his tan back against that broad chest. He sat on Liam's the dick, one of Liam's bracing him on his chest and the other down to grab a hold of his erection, and something felt incredibly intimate at the closeness of their bodies. They began to rock against each other, Zayn turned his head to kissed Liam open-mouthed and moved to the rhythm that Liam was jerking him off to, slow and sensual. He moved up and down, loving how even at this more complicated angle it was still easy for Liam to find his prostate and Liam's big, strong hand pumping him faster and faster as they moved. He moaned into Liam's mouth, using his right hand to reach behind him and find a long enough spot of Liam's short hair to pull, hard. And suddenly, he felt all tangled up in Liam, ever part of his body touching Liam, and it was faster than Zayn would like to admit but he only lasted a few more minutes until he was coming, harder than he ever had, his semen coating Liam's hand as it worked him through his orgasm.

It didn't take much longer for Liam to cum as well, since Zayn still continued to bounce up and down in his lap even though he himself was overstimulated. He came, buried deep inside Zayn, come filling up the condom and it was safe to say it was the best he'd ever had as well.

After a second to catch his breath, Liam gently pushed Zayn off of him and collapsed on the bed, taking of the used condom and tying it before putting it in the waste basket beside his bed. They laid there in silence, the only thing filling the air was their heavy breathing as they stared up at the ceiling. Neither believed what had just exactly happened.

“Wow...” Liam finally spoke, shocked and fulfilled.

“Wow, is right.” Zayn chuckled, turned his head to look at Liam, “Well, I think we're both pretty sure you like men now. You sure you've never done that before?”

Liam laughed, and both friends were glad things weren't awkward after that intimate confrontation, “Not with a guy, no.”

“Could've fooled me.”

Liam smiled, and turned onto his side to face Zayn. He mirrored the action, “Thanks again, Zayn... It means a lot to me...”

Zayn smiled back, but it didn't reach his ears nearly as far, “No problem... Just imagine how it's gonna feel when you finally are able to do this with Niall.”

Liam's grin turned slowly into a frown, thinking of Niall, “What if he doesn't... What if he doesn't feel the same, Zayn? What is he doesn't, ever feel the same...”

Zayn place a hand on his shoulder comforting, “Liam... It would be impossible for him not to fall in love with you... Just show him how good of a man you can be, and he'll realize how much he truly cares about you, too. When I said you could be the one to bring back his spirit, I meant it. And you know, I can see it. Niall is better every day. He smiles a little more, every day. And it's because of you, Liam. "

Liam nodded, and gave Zayn a hug. It should have been awkward, them both naked and hugging in bed, but it didn't really feel like it, “Thanks, Zayn... I don't know what life would be without you.”

And to be completely honest, with all things considered, neither did Zayn. But he imagined that his life probably would have a lot less heartache.

By the time it took both Zayn and Liam to shower, get dressed, go out the door, and retrieve Liam's car so it wasn't left stranded at that no name bar all night, it was already three am when Liam stumbled into his flat. He expected Niall to be in his room, but instead, he found the blonde sleeping soundly, curled up on the couch in their living room. A small lamp was on, shining on the Irishman's pale face and made him look almost angelic as he continued his peaceful slumber. The sight was endearing and heart breaking all at the same time, Liam feeling guilty Niall had waited up for him all this time. He walked over to the sleeping beauty, leaning down to caress his face gently and a small, tired smile appeared on his face. It felt silly, to call Niall a sleeping beauty, but he really was just that- beautiful.

Liam didn't know when things had changed between them, when he realized he had fallen for Niall. But he did just the same, all according to Zayn's master plan. And there really was no going back.

He picked the blonde up, cradling him gently in his arms, and carried him down the hall to his bedroom. And Once he was laying down and sleeping on the bed Liam accepted was now Niall's to keep, he leaned forward, only hesitating for a second before placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“I love you...” he whispered softly in his ear, too much of a coward to admit it while Niall was awake yet.

And Liam shut the door behind him as he went to go lay down in his own bed, wondering when the time would come where he no longer had to sleep alone. 

Chapter Text

Niall woke up that morning with his face pressed against soft pillows, a soft blanket wrapped tightly around him, and a bright warmth shining through the window and into his eyes.

He couldn't remember how exactly he ended up in his bed, distinctly recalling the last thing he was doing before he fell asleep was curling up on the couch like a pathetic child as he waited for Liam to return home. But that didn't really matter, because all Niall cared about was the warmth of the blanket he pulled even closer to him and the bright light blaring on his face he wanted to shun so badly. But he could smell something cooking, something cooking that smelled really good and his stomach started to growl since he didn't eat anything the night before and well, he liked to eat. So his mind started this internal battle as which was more important; sleep or food? And by the time he began leaning more towards eating his body had almost fully waken up anyway, racing with thoughts of yesterday and how Liam never came home like he said he would. But then that made another question he didn't really want to think about: should he get up and go get food or should he roll back into bed so he didn't have to face Liam?

To be honest, Niall was rather pissed at him right now. Liam said he would be back later that night. And Niall waited for him, because well, he said he'd be home. And Niall knew they were going to talk about what happened between them yesterday, and so when Liam said he'd be back later tonight, he thought he'd meant it. But apparently not, because before Niall knew it the clock said twelve and it was already the next day and Liam still hadn't shown up like he said he would. And Niall, well, he got worried. What if something happened to Liam last night? What if Harry and him ran into some sort of trouble? What if Liam's car broke down, or he got into a wreck, or some crazy fans spotted him or a paparazzi member was giving him trouble? Being left at home, with all these questions... It made Niall feel like a lonely wife, waiting for her husband to return home due to 'long nights' at work and he didn't like it at all.

Not only that, but it made him feel rather unimportant because, well... Niall was pretty sure Liam had tried to kiss him seconds before he got that phone call and apparently Harry's problem was more important than explaining to Niall what the hell was going on between them. Because to be honest, he didn't know. At all. One minute he's hopelessly in love with Harry and the next he's standing on Liam's doorstep, Liam's arms around him and Liam's lips mere inches from his and all he can think is Liam Liam Liam oh my God he's going to kiss me.

Niall hated feeling confused and feeling like an overemotional teenage girl all the time. He wished he could just go back to normal, carefree Niall, who drank maybe too much but all responsibly, and loved to sing and didn't care whether or not he had a girlfriend or boyfriend and just lived for the rush of the stage, the crowd, the song... He knew it would take time, but he didn't know it would take this long.

By the time he had decided food wasn't worth facing Liam and his dreaded questions he could hear his door opening and a light was shining in his face again. He opened his eyes and looked up, and there was Liam, standing in the doorway and looking down at him with a gentle smile on his face. One Niall couldn't understand.

“Sorry to wake you... it's already noon.” He spoke quietly, so soft and sweet Niall almost could hear it. “I made you breakfast...” And then Liam turned around to leave, the door left open.

As Niall sat up, he really wasn't sure what was going on. Why was he in bed? When exactly did Liam get home? Why was Liam acting all nice and sweet when Niall was pretty sure there was an intense question still left hanging in the air? And if it was noon already, then why was Liam still in his pj's?

But he chose not to think about anything else but food when he got out of bed and his stomach started to growl.

He walked to the kitchen, the intense smell only getting stronger once he stood outside the door. And once he opened it, well, Niall's eyes widened and he jaw almost dropped.

It was more like a mini feast, two sets of each different kind of breakfast food. Two sets of two eggs, two 4 piece sausage links, two separate stacks of toast, two different stack of pancakes, two bowels full of fresh fruit, two cups of orange juice and eight strips of bacon and to say he was shocked would be an understatement. It was like the entire breakfast was made for two, set up nicely as if for a big event or special day and the fact Liam had actually set the table with them both sitting next to each other, looking at Niall with the warmest, nicest expression on his face... The fact Liam had made this, had gone through all this trouble for him...

“I wanted to apologize, for coming home so late...” Liam began, and Niall's eyes shot from the food to him, “It was pretty inconsiderate of me. I saw you sleeping on the couch and I thought the least I could do was put you in a proper bed and give you a good breakfast when you woke up.”

Niall almost didn't believe it, that Liam had actually picked him up and carried him to his bedroom, like some sort of sleeping child. But Liam most certainly had the physique to accomplish such a task, and there was no way Niall developed some sort of sleeping disorder suddenly, so it couldn't have been anyone else but Liam. Liam tucked him into bed like a father would for their son, and there was something so endearing about that fact, something... sweet. Liam put him to bed, and made such a huge breakfast for him.

And well, Niall didn't feel so unimportant anymore.

He sat down next to Liam, glad he set the table with them side by side instead of across from each other. And after he gave Liam a huge grin, happy and excited, well... he ate. And for some reason, Niall felt like he was starving, as if he hadn't eaten in months. He ate happily, going quickly through his eggs and eating the bacon and sausage two by two, and he practically moaned when he took his first bite of pancakes and it felt good, really good to have his appetite back. He probably looked like some sort of animal or beast as he ate, but honestly, he didn't care. The food was good and he hadn't eaten properly (for Niall, anyway) for over a year and Liam had gone through the trouble of making him such a good breakfast he didn't care. And Liam didn't seem to mind, eating his own food at a more reasonable pace and every so often Niall could see Liam's eyes looking at him, a gentle smile on his face and Niall didn't feel a need to put up a front. It just felt comfortable, around Liam, sitting beside him eating breakfast to his heart's content.

Once his pancakes were properly disposed of, he found another another stack placed in front of him. He looked over at Liam curiously, who only smiled.

“I'm not really hungry. Just thought you might like them.”

Niall smiled, shaking his head in disbelief. There was no way any of this was real. Why was Liam doing this for him? It couldn't be the only really was he felt bad for staying out late. And when were they ever doing to talk about what happened yesterday? And did it really matter? Because if they were happy, just eating breakfast and looking at each other, then why did they have to figure out what it was going on between them and just... let it be?

Because Niall knew he'd never be satisfied without an answer.

“Hey, this is...” Niall laughed, light, “This is all amazing, Li...” he bit his lip, looking down at his food, then back up at Liam with a serious look on his face, “But... Why were you out so late last night?”

That was a good question to start with. One Niall wanted an answer to, and one that didn't exactly involve the intimate embrace they shared on the front doorstep.

He saw the smile on Liam's face falter a bit, but he tried not to let it discourage him. “Right.” Liam sighed, his brown eyes looking into his blues. “I had gotten that call from Harry,” Niall noticed how he didn't flinch at the sound of his name, proud of himself. “And he wanted to talk- well, he just wanted to talk about something that had been on his mind. And once we finished talking, I called Zayn to say hi and the next thing I knew we got to talking over drinks about Perrie and... other things.”

Niall's body turned to face Liam's, but his eyes drifted to the ground. Liam answered his question, but it was rather vague, and left Niall with another one. “Why didn't you...” He bit his lip. “Why didn't you at least call? I mean, I was kind of worried something might have happened to you.”

Niall felt his hands be taken by Liam, holding them gently and forcing Niall to look him in the eyes. Those soft brown eyes seemed so sincere, and Niall could see the guilt reflected in them. And, for some reason, he also thought they were beautiful like this, shiny and open and kind and looking like this only for him.

“I know,” Liam began, and Niall felt those big hands squeeze his, “And I'm sorry. I should have came home instead.”

Niall felt his heart skip a beat. Because well, they were siting at the table, knees barely touching, facing one another and hands in his and Liam looked so beautiful right now. And after what happened yesterday, Niall was sure that this too was also a moment. He felt his cheeks flush and his eyes looked down at the ground as he spoke, feeling rather shy, “That's alright, just... Just come home next time okay?”

He liked the thought of that, the two of them having a home... together.

Liam chuckled, “Okay, Niall.”

But their wasn't any amusement in his voice. Not when Liam forced Niall's eyes to look towards him once more, and Niall's pale face tinted pink in the most beautiful way. They were so close, so close to each other, and Niall felt himself leaning in to meet Liam and it was only a matter of seconds until he knew they would pick up where they left off and have that first kiss, finally.

Niall closed his eyes, lips so close to Liam's he almost could feel them. His heart raced in his chest and he thought oh, this time he really is going to kiss me. And he felt Liam's breath on his face as he finally leaned in and-

“Oh for God's sake, Liam, open this door right NOW!”

And suddenly Liam was getting up quickly from his seat to go answer the door, leaving Niall confused and wondering just how long it must have taken Louis banging on the door for either of them to notice. After a few seconds to slow down his heart and catch his breath, Niall stood up and ran over to join Liam.

The elder's eyes darted over to look at him nervously, before turned back his attention to answer the door.

The second he opened it, the oldest member stormed through the door, anger and exhaustion apparent on his face, “I just can't take this anymore!” He paced back and forth in the living room, not even acknowledging Niall's presence at this moment.

Liam sighed, as if he himself was just as irritated and exhausted as their dramatic friend himself, “About what, Louis?”

He turned to face Liam, a disgustingly cute pout on his face as his stomped his foot like a stubborn child, “Harry, Liam!” He whined like it was the most apparent thing on the planet. “For the past few weeks he's been treating me like I'm some sort of stranger he sleeps next to every night, that the person who at least tries to cook him food and tells him he loves him is some weird estranged relative he rarely speak to! And I got so worried, my head started thinking crazy things, things that he would never do to me! But I couldn't help but think maybe Harry didn't love me anymore like he used to or maybe he- he had done something with...”

The fact Louis choked as he tried to finish that sentence proved how horrible the thought Harry might actually be... cheating on him really was. He'd noticed Harry's... odd behavior lately, but was too concerned with trying to get over Harry himself and other things (like the fact Liam and him had basically turned into a couple without even realizing it or with his consent) so he didn't really pay attention. And Niall was upset for him, seeing the way it was so hard for the older member to bite back tears. He wished he could help, but at the same time, a part of him inside felt like it was almost his fault.

Louis ran his fingers through his fringe, voice desperate yet loud, “And then he just stormed off last night, with the most guilty expression I'd ever seen in my entire life and I couldn't help but think, 'oh my god, I'm right, this is the end of us'. And I cried for over an hour just praying he'd return! And when he did, he came in with this huge smile on his face and Chinese takeout like we used to when we had just moved in together! And then he put the food on the counter and then took me in his arms and kissed me and then we fed each other Stir fry and Egg rolls and afterward he picked me up set me down and we had sex on the counter! And we hadn't even done the dishes yet!”

Liam coughed, “Um... that's wonderful, Lou...” He glanced over at Niall, and he wasn't in any better shape, scratching the back of his head awkwardly and praying Louis wouldn't divulge any deeper into their sex life because well, he just honestly didn't want to know. Not because he liked Harry or anything, but because it was just... awkward to think of the two of them having sex now.

He rambled on, not seeming to notice or care that his friends obviously were embarrassed. “But it still was the best sex I've ever had in my life and I thought that maybe, just maybe everything was okay now between us because we even took a shower together and he actually held me and said he loved me for the first time in weeks and I just-” He groaned in frustration, walking over to repeatedly hit his head against the wall, “I just don't know what to do anymore because this morning he had that same painful expression when he looks at me and then he said we needed to talk and I- I couldn't take it Liam! I just ran off scared and drove here and he was calling after me but I couldn't face him...”

He stopped moving, resting his forehead against the wall. Liam walked over to him, pulling the shaking man into his arms for a comforting embrace and Niall watched from afar. It surprised him, how he didn't notice just how parental Liam really was, over all of them. Niall didn't know where they'd be without Liam.

Probably an insane asylum. He thought bitterly.

“What if-” It was then Louis finally began to cry, into Liam's warm chest, “What if the reason he wanted to talk was because-” He hiccuped, “He doesn't want me anymore? That he doesn't actually love me or he's cheated on me because Liam he's been acting weird and I'm scared.”

Niall didn't know what to say. Partly because he wasn't Harry and didn't know what he was thinking and partly because he had a terrible feeling that he was somehow involved in Harry's mixed up emotions. And he didn't know what to say to Louis, how he could possibly comfort him without feeling like a horrible dick.

Liam sighed, “Listen, Lou... I can promise you, whatever Harry wants to talk to you about... It's not that he wants to break up with you. He loves you very much, but he just needs to build the courage to tell you what he's been feeling these past few weeks okay? So have some faith in him Lou.” He moved Louis so he was forced to look into his eyes, “If there's one thing I know, it's that Harry loves you more than life itself. So put a little trust into him, okay?”

There was a long silence, before Louis pulled away from Liam. He wiped his eyes, and nodded slowly, “Okay.”

As if on cue, Harry came barging through the door, out of breath and hair a beautiful mess. He didn't even look like he had properly gotten dressed, still in a pair of Louis' sweatpants (which were comically too short for him and to big for his butt to properly fill out) and a white t-shirt. The fact Harry risked going outside looking like a completely and utter wreck and looked as if he actually ran all the way to Liam's place... It was rather romantic, Niall thought.

“Liam..” He panted, trying to talk but not seeming able to catch his breath. Liam looked over at Harry as he pulled Louis back into his arms and gave a harsh glare. Niall began to wonder if whatever Harry had told Liam last night had anything to do with this. “I wanted to say something, I really did. But I was waiting until today because I just wanted the two of us to have a good night first, I swear.” He was almost pleading, extending his hand out, looking over at Louis, desperately wanting him to take it.

Louis looked down at his hand as if he was scared to touch it.

Liam spoke up, cradling Louis' head in his embrace, “You better Harry. I love you both, very much, but this bullshit has gone on long enough. Everyone knows now, anyway, you best tell Louis.”

“Everyone knows what? Because I have no idea what's going on right now.” Niall interjected for the first time this entire scenario, just as confused as Louis.

There was dead silence, as the four of them looked around at each other nervously. Louis raised his head, surprised Niall had been standing there the whole time and just as confused as him as he looked back and forth between Liam and Harry. Just what was it that everyone knew but him? He had been left out? Harry's eyes darted nervously between Niall and Louis, not knowing exactly what to say as he bit his lip and faced Liam with a guilty expression. But even with Louis in his arms and Harry's grief stricken face, all Liam could see was Niall. He looked at the blonde, eyes somber and serious, as if trying to convey exactly what the two of them were talking about.

“Nialler...” Harry interjected, forcing himself to turn away from Louis. This wasn't how he wanted to do this... He looked at Niall, guilt written on his face and trying to convey how sorry he was without speaking. He spoke, his voice barely a whisper. “He knows, Niall.”

Niall paled. No. There was no way Harry told Liam yesterday about... their arrangement. Not yesterday, of all days. Not when Niall was finally getting over him, finally thinking that maybe he didn't really need him. Why would Harry even mention it? Why did it bother him? Why was Harry even thinking about it to begin with? Was that why he was acting so weird lately, because he felt guilty that he'd slept with Niall before they were even together? This was ridiculous. He turned to face Liam, asking, pleading with his eyes for him to tell him he was wrong. But it never came. Just a sad, betrayed look on his face as he stared back into his blue eyes and all Niall could think was oh God he knows why does he know he must hate me now...

“Oh.” Niall aired out. He couldn't breathe, not when Liam was staring at him like that with such a sad and sorrowful look on his face and he wanted to die. And not only that, but it was obvious he could tell. He could tell, that Niall had been in love with Harry. Liam was the last person he wanted figuring out anything, he didn't want to bother him or have him judge him and this was just to worst thing he could imagine. He couldn't stop looking at him, not even when Louis finally spoke up.

“Liam knows what, Harry?” He spoke, bitter, accusingly in his lover's direction. He looked between Harry and Niall, his piercing blue eyes darting back and forth in disbelief because no, this couldn't possibly be what he thinks it is. But Niall was staring at Liam like a deer in the headlights and Harry was now looking at Niall like he had been looking at him lately and oh, it must be what he was thinking. No fucking way. Not possible. It couldn't be.

But Louis wasn't stupid. He'd had his suspicions before, that maybe Niall and Harry might have had... a thing or something before they'd got together. But Harry denied Niall ever being anything more than a friend and Louis just chalked it up to his jealous imagination getting the better of him and never even thought a second more of it. But now, with all three of them looking so guilty and pathetic it was obvious something was going on. And that opened a can of what worms, questions of when and where and how fucking long and then even more questions.

Like what if it never stopped?

He chuckled, sour. “Oh.” He pushed Liam away from him and took a few steps back, away from the three of them. His eyes moved in between Niall and Harry. He couldn't help but laugh again, at how fucking guilty the two of them looked. “Oh, I see now.”

Harry snapped his head up, looking back at Louis with a panicked expression. “Wait, Lou, it's not like that, I swear-!”

“Oh shut up, Harry!” Louis spat, making Harry froze in his spot, “You're such a child sometimes, thinking you can get away with everything! Do you honestly believe I'm that stupid? Did you think this was all some sort of game or something? You haven't even thought about who all you've affected because of your- you're a selfish brat, Harry! You're naïve and stupid and you haven't even realized that you have this power over people you don't even fucking deserve.”

The words spilled out of his mouth before Louis could stop himself. Harry looked as if he had taken fifty beatings, and the moment those broken green eyes met his, Louis regretted saying every word. He wished he could take them back. But they were there, hanging dead in the air and crushing Harry's spirit completely.

The youngest looked down at the ground, any fight left in him destroyed and wasted. And Louis wanted to kill himself, for being the reason Harry felt this way. He'd hurt him, he'd killed him. There was nothing left of him right now.

“I'm sorry I'm such terrible person, Louis...”

Louis couldn't help the tears that fell from his face. He'd had done this, to his baby Harry and all he could see was the seventeen year old he'd fallen in love with crushed and broken and it was all his fault.

“Oh, god, Harry. Wait, I didn't mean that, I-” he wanted to reach out to him, to touch him, hold him, but he just couldn't. “I'm the one who's childish I'm over dramatic and I'm selfish and jealous and rude and I don't think before I speak. I don't give people a chance, I don't think about anyone else and I-” He whimpered, hugging himself because he couldn't bring himself to hold Harry. “I didn't mean those things Harry, I didn't. I swear I didn't mean any of it.”

But he couldn't take it back.

After a few minutes, once Louis stopped tears turned silent, Harry officially empty and Niall Left feeling like he was the one to blame for all of this, Liam finally walked over to Louis. He place a comforting hand on his shoulder, and spoke quietly.

“Louis, I think maybe you should give Harry a chance to explain himself... It's honestly not as bad as you think. Just talk with him, okay? We all know you don't really believe what you said. The two of you just need to talk about this, and you'll work together to figure this out. Alright, Lou?”

Harry looked up at Liam, who gave an encouraging smile, and then to Louis. His love, who had tears staining his face and his spirit just as fragile as his own right now. And Harry extended his hand out again for Louis to take, praying this time he'd take it.

Louis looked him up and down, hesitating before taking Harry's large hand in his.

And Harry gave a him weak smile, feeling slightly more hopeful.

He turned to Liam and thanked him, before turned around to lead Louis out the door by the hand. As he went to leave, he passed by Niall, and turned to face him. The blond looked over, his eyes glancing at their intertwined fingers then back up at Harry. The person he thought he loved all this time, so hopelessly.

“And I'm...” He started, not quite sure what to say, “I'm sorry, Niall. If I ever did anything to you... I know I never really asked if you were okay, and I just wanted to say, that well... I wished I could have been better to you.”

To say he was shocked was an understatement. He never imagined, that Harry would ever apologize to him for anything. If he was being honest, he didn't know if Harry even needed to. Niall looked over at Louis, who avoided Niall at all cost, holding tightly onto Harry's hand while hiding his face behind his back. He wanted to say something, to apologize to Louis, but he himself didn't even know what he should apologize for.

Niall stared at the two, so hopelessly in love with one another. And instead of the intense pain he used to feel whenever he looked at the two, all he felt was pity.

He looked towards Harry, replacing the surprised expression on his face with his default smile. He shrugged, trying to make it seem like not a big deal, and laughed breathlessly.

“It's a'ight, Harry. Don't worry 'bout it.” He gave him a pat on the arm. “You worry too much. It's in the past okay? You're only human, ya know? Now you two go kiss and make up. Figure out this whole mess, okay?”

He nodded, and returned Niall's kind smile with one of his own, “Thanks, mate.”

And the two of them left, hand in hand, in order to fix their fucked up relationship.

Liam immediately collapsed on the couch, massaging his temple and letting out a heavy sigh. “Thank God that wasn't any uglier than it could have been. They really are poison, the two of them. They've got some serious unnecessary drama. This entire fucking band needs to stop acting like it's some crappy daytime soap opera. Seriously, I don't know how much more I can take.”

Niall bit his lip, unsure what to say. Liam knew about Harry and Niall sleeping together. He knew about Harry's apparently questioning mind and Niall's pathetic crush on the youngest member and what happened between them. And Then there was the whole thing about Niall and Liam almost kissing twice now and the fact Liam was supposed to be straight and Niall felt the two of them needed to sort their own shit together.

Liam was right, it all really did sound like some horrid daytime soap opera. “Thank God Zayn has all his shit figured out at least, or else we'd be really screwed.” He chuckled, and Liam grinned as well.

The smile he gave Niall didn't change. It still held that sweet kindness and adoration he was looking at him with earlier. And it was a relief. In fact, it kind of gave Niall courage, to sit down beside Liam and give a heavy sigh before smiling at his first words.

“So I guess you already figured it out, that I fell in love with Harry and became an absolute, fucked up mess.”

Liam sat up, a serious expression on his face as he face Niall, “You don't have to say anything, Niall. It's okay, really.”

But he just shook his head, the smile still on his face, “It's okay, Li. We should talk about this. It's not like you already don't know... So I might as well tell you everything.”

And he did. He mentioned the first time he'd realized he like Harry as more than a friend, when the five of them we're still on the X Factor and blushed when Harry handed him the rest of his food. And he mentioned how crushed he felt when Harry told him he liked Louis. He told him about the first time they had sex, how it had hurt because they weren't necessarily careful or gentle but he didn't mind it because he had felt at least it was Harry. Then he talked about how empty he felt, losing his appetite and feeling even worse than before at agreeing to be Harry's outlet. And when he spoke about the night Harry told him Louis loved him back, he felt devastated. He even mentioned Zayn, revealing that he really was the one who destroyed his house and then answered Zayn's phone call, begging him to come over.

(And well, if Liam acted shocked and almost possessive when he mentioned trying to seduce Zayn and gripped his waist tightly, Niall pretended not to notice.)

For some reason, it was all a lot easier, to talk about it than he thought it would be. Liam listened intently, soft and kind and with a gentle hand placed on his back. He nodded, showing his understanding, and made it easy for Niall to feel like he wouldn't be judged for talking about this. He wondered why he was even worried in the first place, because he didn't even choke once, didn't feel like crying at all. He thought at first it was because maybe he didn't have any more tears left to shed, but then he thought that maybe it was just because he... well, he felt better. That he wasn't even talking about himself, but some distant person who this all happened long ago to. He had been feeling so happy lately, living with Liam and going through their daily routines and feeling important all the time. It was hard to imagine that just months ago, he was feeling the lowest he ever had in his entire life. And the reason why everything changed, the reason why he felt happy and could eat more and felt special... was because of Liam. He wasn't completely fine, but he was almost there.

That felt nice.

Liam's face held deep concern as Niall finally finished, sitting close and Liam's hand gripped tightly around his waist. “I'm sorry, Niall...” He began to say, but the younger just shook his head and gave a smile.

“Don't be. If anything, I should be thanking you. You took me in, and let me stay here when I couldn't stand looking at my own place. And you didn't ask questions, you just knew something was wrong and wanted to help me... And you've done everything and more for me. And I feel better now.”

"You can stay as long as you want, Niall, I don't mind." Liam smiled, his eyes reflecting that adoration and affection that made Niall all warm and fuzzy inside. “I'm glad you're feeling better. I'm just...” He paused, looking down at his lap before facing Niall again, “I'm glad you're smiling again, laughing again. You don't know how happy it makes me, hearing you laugh and seeing you smile like you used to.”

So maybe Harry would never really love him. So maybe Louis really did hold his heart. So maybe the two of them would work through their mistakes and come out and become one of the biggest gay celebrity icons and win couple of the year and have beautiful adopted babies or children with a surrogate mother. Niall didn't really really care, or thought it mattered any more.

And Niall took that chance, the one he was too scared to take yesterday, and looked into Liam's beautiful brown eyes.

“It's because of you, Li.” His cheeks flushed, feeling horribly corny. “I only have this smile because of you.”

But he felt a little bit better when he saw Liam's cheeks flush as well. The older reached over with his other hand to caress his cheek, and Niall found his legs draped across Liam's lap, sitting almost on him and the hand on his waist holding him even tighter than before. Niall wrapped his arms around his neck, his heart pounding and stomach filled with butterflies as he stared into Liam's eyes.

“That's everything I've never knew I wanted...”

And Liam was so close, his breath ghosting over his lips, and now, Niall thought, now he'll kiss me and yes, I do want him to and oh my gosh Liam's going to kiss me-

An annoying ring tone blared through Liam's pants pocket and both of them groan in frustration. Liam went to reach for the phone, but once he took it out and looked at the name (why the hell was Perrie calling him, of all people?), Niall grabbed the phone and threw it carelessly across the room.

“Don't you dare fucking answer that.” He growled.

Then he grabbed Liam by the collar, and pulled him in for their first kiss, one so much sweeter than the first kiss he had ages ago.  

Chapter Text

Perhaps it was a bit reckless of them, to decide to have their heartfelt conversation in the middle of a well known park, where independent musicians played music and mother's took their children to play.

But Louis couldn't bring himself to care, especially when Harry didn't seem to care either.

The two of them sat down on a park bench, watching the young children play on the swings, run up and down the jungle gyms and play on the slides and Louis thought it was a nice distraction. He always loved children, having younger sisters himself to play with and take care of himself. And suddenly, he really missed his family, missed his mother and his sisters, missed playing with Daisy and Phoebe and talking with Fizzy and Lottie. He missed having dinner with them, and sitting around the living room watching Disney movies and eating tons of junk food and falling asleep on the couch. And he felt there was still so many things he had yet to experience, like being able to hold Lottie as she cried over her first heartbreak, or maybe Daisy and Phoebe might get good marks during school and Fizzy might find a new cheesy romance book she just has to make him read. Suddenly, he felt like he was missing so much, neglecting his family and the only thing he could think was that he wanted to go home.

He pulled his knees up against his chest holding them close as he watched the children play. He wanted to go and play too, to be able to get on the swing set and just fly as much as he could, get as high as he could. He wanted to to be young again, to not have to worry about fame or fortune or an album or his sexuality or how he might miss his little sisters growing into fine young women. He wanted feel happy, to just be content with a normal life and a normal situation and a normal family. He wanted his love life to not be so frustrating or stressful, or make him feel miserable. He wanted to feel good enough, just enough to be enough.

And in this moment, he wished he could just walk away from itall.

He looked over at Harry, sitting beside him and looking equally as miserable. When did it get to this point? When did everything start to seem not as exciting or fun? When did they become so fucked up they couldn't even speak to each other? Harry Styles was the best and worst part of Louis' life now. Outside of One Direction, Harry literally became his life, stole his heart the moment they met and never gave it back. Louis wished he'd never met him and yet believe the moment they met was the greatest moment of his life. He couldn't imagine a day without him, yet he wished he didn't need him. And Louis wondered, if this was what love really felt like, or if this was just some sort of sick obsession the two of them had? Were they so enamored with one another, that Harry became a deadly poison in Harry mind and Louis was the same to him as well? Was that what their relationship was? A toxin that deteriorated the mind slowly, before eventually killing them?

They were toxic.

If that's the case, then they needed to stay away, distance themselves from one another until they are completely cleansed and fine living life without the other. But just like every good poison, Harry was addictive. Louis became so dependent on the younger boy and needed more and more every time. And Louis knew, if he didn't get help, it would kill him. But sometimes the detox is harder than the drug, more physically and mentally exhausting than the substance itself. Sometimes that small rush that's given, that euphoric pleasure and joy is worth all the sorrow, the despair and pain. But Louis wasn't sure now, if all that joy was worth this empty feeling, of not being good enough. Of not feeling like you're enough.

Harry was all Louis needed, depended on. But now, Louis wasn't sure if Harry only needed him or not.

Harry bit his lip, and Louis could see the pain on his face, that what he was going through wasn't any easier than what he was. He almost felt good about that, that Harry seemed somewhat remorseful. But really, there were so many questions on Louis' mind. Questions like, “When did Harry and Niall sleep together?” and, “Why?” and, “How long did this go on?” and, “Were they still together when Harry and I got together?” and, “Why did Niall agree to this?” or, “What does Liam think about Niall and Harry?” and the one question, the one that hurt him the most.

Does he want him more than me? Am I not enough?

Louis felt like crying, but he couldn't. It was as if there was nothing left, as if he'd used up all of his tears he had reserved for Harry. He couldn't even bring himself to hate Niall. After all, what had he done? Nothing, nothing wrong at all. The only thing he wanted to do was run away, go home. Go home to his family, and have tea with his mom as he confessed everything that happened and feel her hug him once more.

Louis was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Harry take a deep, shallow breath.

“I never cheated on you, Louis. You have to believe me.”

And somehow, Louis did. Harry never could lie, and he always wore his heart on his sleeve. So if he said that he never cheated on Louis, even though it looked like he did... Louis would always believe Harry. And the thought elevated some of the weight he felt, but not all. Though... it felt good, to know that when Louis and Harry were together, he did not sleep with Niall as well.

Louis didn't talk, only nod, waiting for Harry to continue. After all, it was Harry's turn to confess, to admit what was going on in his mind. And Louis would wait patiently for him, wanting to hear his side, was at least willing to work this out. And once he was finished, Louis would speak his mind.

“I... Niall, he...” Harry was never good at his words. “We... slept together for six months before our tour ended. I was feeling depressed, because I couldn't have you. I didn't think that you... that you felt the same way as I did. And one night, when you were hanging out with Eleanor, Niall and I got drunk and...”

Louis braced himself for his next words, knowing that it would sting, thinking of Harry with someone else.

“We had sex... and from then on, it became sort of a thing we did, he and I... Whenever we were alone, I would... use him.”

Again, he felt as if his heart was being ripped in two. But he needed this, wanted to hear this, needed to know. If they were to ever be healthy again, he needed to understand why.

“And I... I became so used to it. Being able to do whatever I wanted, I forgot he wasn't something I could own. And I... became dependent.” Harry gulped, his green eyes empty as they stared at the children, laughing and playing, unaware that two of the biggest pop stars in the world were having such an intense conversation. “And when it stopped... when you I and got together... It was only then that I really thought about it, what I had been doing all that time and how I never cared whether or not I was hurting him and how I... never cared for him. And it was like I wanted to go back... Fix what I had done.”

Louis looked over at Harry, his own eyes looking tired and dead as he examined Harry. The tall lanky boy look so small right now, wrapped up in a coat and face sunken and sad. Even now, when they were so confused and hurt, Louis still wanted to grab the young boy and pull him in. He wanted to hold him in his arms, comfort him and tell him it was okay. He wanted to kiss forehead, calm him with words of love and say that he would be there for him. But he couldn't, and he knew it. He needed Harry to speak, to say this so he could understand. And he thought he was beginning to understand, too.

“But then...” Harry's breath hitched slightly as he stopped himself from crying, “I also realized something... That I missed it. And I... I liked having that sort of ability, to do whatever I want. So I felt guilty and scared and angry and I just couldn't stop thinking about it... I tried to be happy, and not think about it. I tried to focus my attention on you, and not what happened before. But it just kept on popping up in my mind until I couldn't ignore it and... I thought about it all the time, Niall all the time. Finally, Zayn told me he knew what happened and tried to talk me out of it and said he was going to tell you about it and I didn't know what to do... I hated hurting you. I knew I was. And then yesterday, the way you looked at me...” Harry bit his lip, and hung his head. “I nearly died. I knew I was killing you, killing us... and I went and told Liam even though I knew he would hate knowing what I did. I needed to courage, to tell you.”

Well, he was trying to understand. It really was painful, hearing this. Because well, why was Harry still thinking about it...? And suddenly, Louis' worse fear felt painful true. That he was right.

“Was I...” Louis spoke, his voice hoarse and cracked. He stared down at his lap, and he could feel his eyes water. Apparently he still had enough tears to spare after all. “Was I not... good enough?”

Harry snapped his head in Louis' direction, the guilt evident on his face. “No Louis, it was never you. It was never your fault. It was mine, for being such an asshole. You were right. I'm just a spoiled child who's scared of rejection. I was scared you would leave me, because I was feeling confused. I was scared that you would hate me. I was scared that you would hurt. And I ended up doing all this anyway just because I wouldn't talk to you and I'm sorry.”

Out here, in the open, they both knew they couldn't hold each other. They both knew it was too risky, that someone might see. And that hurt, knowing their love was something taboo, something looked down upon by many, if they were discovered it would change the world's perspective on them. But right now, when they two of them only wanted the other in their arms, they needed something. Anything to tell each other... this love, this thing they had.

It was worth it.

Harry turned away from Louis, staring back at the young kids playing on a swing set. And with a determined look on his face, his hand slowly inched towards Louis' that hung to the side, taking the small hand in his own and intertwining their fingers. Louis' head shot up, and he froze, feeling Harry hold his hand, so distant, yet intimate. So small, so fragile. Harry's hand squeezed his tightly, as if trying to say yes I'm still here, in some vain attempt at reassurance. And it wasn't a lot, but it was enough.

“I promise,” Harry's voice was soft, only for Louis as he stared ahead and held his hand, “I promise I will never stop loving you.”

And that meant everything to him.

“Harry? Louis?”

In an instant, the moment was gone, and their hands pulled apart quickly when they went to face the young girls who approached them red faced and shy. And they were so used to it, that even now when Louis and Harry were thinking of a million things, they both could greet the young children with a smile as they hopped off the bench and knelt to meet their eyes.

The first one was slightly taller, around the age of six with blue eyes and chestnut hair that framed her face with straight bangs and pulled back into a messy ponytail. She grinned widely, twiddling her thumbs back and forth as she rocked on her heels, giddy and excited as her eyes went back and forth between the two boys. The other was even smaller, using her older sister as a shield as she peaked with her hazel eyes to look at them. She wore a small purple coat with cute shoes and black tights, a sharp contrast with her older sister's denim jacket and jeans. Her dark hair lay gently on her shoulders in loose curls, with a purple beanie to match her coat, tight on her head.

Louis spoke first, a wide grin spreading on his face, “Well hello their lovelies. What can I do for two charming young ladies like yourselves today?” He spoke to the oldest first before looking over to gaze at the little one, who immediately shied away and hid behind her.

The blue eyed girl giggled, “Hehe, I knew it was you two! I love listening to your songs, and so does my sister! We listen all the time.” she rambled, moving so that her distraught sibling would be in clear view, “We always fight and say which one of you guys are the cutest, and I always say Harry because I'm sorry Louis but I just really like Harry but then Mellie always says you Louis and I'm always like no way that's totally not true but she doesn't listen to me and always says you but she never says why.”

Louis didn't miss the way the younger girl, Mellie's face turn red all the way to her ear and the way her eyes misted over as if she was to cry in embarrassment, but he gave a sweet smile, “That's so sweet of you, love. I'm honored just a pretty young lady like yourself defends me so dutifully!”

A small grin appeared on her face, but the blush didn't disappear.

Harry joined in, grinning his award winning smile Louis couldn't help but stare at, “And thank you too! It's so nice to know you think I'm worth arguing over. But Louis and I and the rest of the boys appreciate both of you very much!”

The two girls giggled as a woman with a beautiful face and tired eyes ran over to the girls, distraught. She didn't look much older than Louis though, perhaps only 23, and he felt like it wasn't fair, how such a young pretty girl looked so weak and worn already. “There you two are, I told you not to run off or talk to strangers and look what you've done!”

She bent down to grab her children by the arm, but the older girl smiled up at her with a toothy grin, “But Momma, Momma! Guess who we found!” She jumped up and down excitedly, pointing at the two boys and pulling on her mother's torn sleeve.

The woman raised her head to finally look up at Harry and Louis. When her mind finally registered who they were, she instantly paled and her eyes widened in shock. It was almost comical, how she acted like they were some ghost or divine being. When really, the two of them were just regular people. Louis didn't think he'd ever get used to that. “Oh my God,” she spoke softly, “You two are...”

Harry gave a dimpled smile as he looked at his companion, “Yep,” He put an arm around Lou, and the older nearly felt his heart skip a beat. “This is the only and only Louis Tomlinson, 1/5 of One Direction.”

Louis giggled, staring up into Harry's beautiful eyes. “And This Ladies man is the one and only Harry Styles, also 1/5 of One Direction.”

“Isn't it awesome, mamma? Oh thank you thank you thank you for taking us to the park today!!!” She jumped up and down snapping the ragged woman out her stupor. She gave a small smile to her oldest.

“You're very welcome, my little pumpkin.” Her tone was kind as she looked down at her child with love. And Harry couldn't help but think if he wasn't so in love with Louis, so unsure about their relationship, he'd have found that older woman quite charming. Her dark, auburn dyed hair was wavy and pulled into a low ponytail. Her eyes were a light hazel, shining even though her dark bags underneath her eyes were obvious. She seemed genuine and sweet, and maybe in another place or time, she might have caught his eye.

But not anymore.

“Mom!” The girled whined and stomped her foot, “Don't call me that in front of Harry! It's embarrassing!!!”

Harry just chuckled, reaching for the young girl with his long arms to pick her up and hold the girl on his hip. She laughed happily, automatically wrapping her arms around his neck “Well then, what's your name, girly?”

“My name's Briarly Meredith Anderson! My name is Briarly because my momma's best friend's name is Bryarly, but he's a boy and spells it with two ys and my middle name is Meredith because my grandma's name was Meredith and my grandma was a super hero!”

“Oh, my!” Harry grinned, “That's fantastic! What a strong name you have!”

She nodded quickly.

Louis grinned down at the younger sister, now clinging to her mothers side and looking at Louis with a shy expression.

“And what's your name, princess?”

She flushed once more, before speaking in a small voice.

“Melody... Melody Anne...”

He held out his hand, which the young girl took as she stepped away slowly from her mother, “A name fit for a queen.”

She smiled wide, and Louis picked up the young girl in his arm, and she finally smiled, showing an adorable gap where her front teeth were supposed to be.

As their mother took a photo of the four of them together, it wasn't long until a few others began recognizing them. And perhaps they should have left then, when others began staring at the two pop stars with a young, single mother's two children, but as they finished taking the picture for the two excited girls, Louis could hear a faint guitar from one of the struggling musicians, playing a sweet and soft melody that Louis heard so many times on repeat when he was younger.

To think, that they were in the same place at the same time, listening to the same songs, standing so close to one another... and never met, never even saw the other face to face (though Louis swore at one point he saw a young boy who looked an awful lot like Harry walk past him that night). And well, it made him smile at the memory, thinking about how much things had changed since them. How two people who had just been passing strangers, now had this crazy relationship with an unbelievable life and difficult road ahead of them. One with twists and turns, tiring and relentless, one that was long and would take a life time. It would have roadblocks, people might even hate them. He might grow old, he might not be young and beautiful his whole life. And in the end, he knew he would die. Everyone did.

But Louis thought he could face it, with Harry by his side.

And he didn't want to sound cliché, but even though it had been years since Louis last heard this song, he still remembered every word. And as he held onto sweet little Melody, he found himself singing his own. It was barely a whisper, but it was enough. Enough for Melody, and enough for Harry to notice.

“You touch these tired eyes of mine
And map my face out line by line.
And somehow growing old feels fine.”

And Louis didn't expect to mean the words that much, but he did. In fact, Louis almost enjoyed the idea of growing old, but only if Harry grew old with him.

He was about to set Melody down, tell Harry they should leave before the crowd in the park grew any bigger. But when he went to do so, a deep, loud voice rang through, singing to the tune of the soft acoustic.

One Louis knew all too well.

"I listen close for I'm not smart.
You wrap your thoughts in works of art,
And they're hanging on the walls of my heart."

Louis didn't face Harry out of fear of giving something away, that someone might notice his tremble as he held the young child in his arms. This was something out of a movie, a fairytale that only happened in those corny Disney movies or a cheesy musical. But it was real. Harry was there, singing with him the words to an underrated love song that described exactly how he felt in every way in front of everyone. And there were so many things wrong with this, like how people might assume something or the paparazzi might have taken pictures of them already and management would kill them but he couldn't bring himself to care. And he found himself singing with Harry, already taking the higher harmony because, well, it made sense.

“I may not have the softest touch,
I may not say the words as such,
And though I may not look like much,
I'm yours.”

His eyes dared to look behind him, at Harry Styles, and he felt his stomach burn when he saw the feisty girl he held in his arms, the serious look upon his face. Harry Styles, not paying attention to his surroundings, the crowd that gathered around them and began recording on the mobiles, or even Briarly's curious yet excited gaze. And Louis was trapped.

He couldn't look away.

“And though my edges may be rough,
I never feel I'm quite enough,
It may not seem like very much,
But I'm yours.”

Harry walked towards him, never leaving Louis' endless blue eyes. And Louis was scared. Of getting hurt again, of what the world would say about them. But when looking into those green, glimmering eyes... He trusted Harry. And the way, that even though they were surrounded by many people, Louis was the only one he saw...

Nothing else mattered, as long as Harry always looked at him like that.

The taller of the two held Briarly tightly as he began to sing the next verse. And Louis knew it was for him, that Harry meant every word. Louis had to bite back tears.

“You healed these scars over time.
Embraced my soul,
You loved my mind.
You're the only angel in my life.”

Every line was genuine, with an intense feeling that Louis had never heard before. They were standing only inches away from the other now, holding the sisters but no longer pay attention. And pretty soon, all Louis could see was his beautiful love in front of him.

His voice shook, trying to fight back tears.

“The day news came my best friend died.
My knees went weak and you saw me cry.
Say I'm still the soldier in your eyes.”

He could have sworn he saw Harry mouth the word, 'always'. And it took him every fiber of his being in order to restrain himself from dropping the young girl, and running into his lover's arms.

“I may not have the softest touch,
I may not say the words as such,
And though I may not look like much,
I'm yours.”

It was stupid. Singing to each other like this. And it was corny, overrated, how the guitar player slowly made his way over to where they were, getting louder as the three of them performed together. He watched as Harry looked over at the young woman with a smile on his face for a brief moment, before looking back at Louis with love and adoration. And that's how Louis believed it always would be.

Harry might look at other people, but he would never look at them like he did for Louis.

“And though my edges may be rough,
I never feel I'm quite enough.
It may not seem like very much,
But I'm yours.”

As the talented young guitarist played the touching solo, Louis set young Melody down and gave her a tender kiss on the forehead. She grinned, and wrapped her small arms around him before giving him a kiss on the cheek. Harry set down her older sister as well, who gave him a huge hug and kiss before running over to her little sister with the biggest smile on her face. Their young mother had tears in her eyes, and Louis could feel the pain she carried with her every day, without a wedding ring, her young girls without a father. How happy just a small moment with her little girls made her...

He wanted to feel that joy one day, look at his own children with such love. He wanted to hold an adorable little girl he could call his own in arms, or raise a little boy into a charming young man. Not right now, but if this young mother could... well, so could he.

But he'd rather not do it alone.

He wanted a future, one with Harry, one where they could have kids running around and proudly show off his family. Not right now, but maybe, one day...

Harry put his hand on Louis' shoulder, and grinned at the people around them and waved. Louis joined in, and the embrace was meant to look like two pop stars that were kind to children and the best of friends, but to Louis, it meant so much more.

Harry wanted that too.

“I may not have the softest touch.
I may not say the words as such.
I know I don't fit in that much,
But I'm yours.”

Louis chanced just a glance at Harry, and he found the fondest smile on that gorgeous face directed towards him. And he couldn't help but return the favor.

After a few people clapped and cheered, Louis felt Harry's hand travel to his back and give him a push. And Louis understood. They needed to get out of here. So Even though Louis wanted to say goodbye to the family they met and hello to everyone around, they needed to leave before they did anything else stupid. Hell, it probably was too late. Their faces were probably plastered all over the internet and ready for tomorrow’s headlines.

And Louis kind of though that was a good thing.

They hastily walked to their car, trying to ignore the screaming people and the goodbye's being yelled by young Briarly and Melody. And once they got in, started it and decided to head home.

They were silent the entire ride. But once they got back to their flat and we're inside, they instantly fell into the other's arms, holding each other tightly as tears fell from their faces. Louis pulled Harry down to meet his lips, and he obliged, kissing back with as much intensity.

“I love you,” Louis wept into his kiss, feeling like he could die, he was so happy. “It's alright, we'll work it out together.”

He kept repeating it over and over with every kiss he gave him.

Harry nodding around with him, holding Louis' face gently as tears fell from his own eyes as well, “I love you... I'll always love you... I'll only ever love you.”

“Harry.”

“Lou...”

They'd be okay. 

Perrie stared up into Zayn's eyes, shocked into stillness. The phone fell out of her hand as the grip around her wrist tightened, Zayn squeezing so tightly it started to hurt. His eyes were intense and serious, cold as they made her vision blurry. It was such a sharp contrast, his dark hair, eyes, skin... Her pale face, blonde hair, blue eyes... 

“Don't.” He spoke, voice like a command, yet pleading. “Don't you dare call him, Perrie. This is none of your business.”

“But Zayn,” her voice cracked as she started to cry, “How could he do that to you? You love him, more than anything! And you're just going to let him mess with your feelings like that and then watch him walk away with someone else? He can't do that, he needs to know-”

“No!” He shouted, making her cower slightly. He hated doing this, to his Perrie. Why? Why did he always hurt her? “He doesn't need to know anything, Perrie. Things are better this way. Niall deserves to be happy, and so does he. He'll make Niall happy again. And he'll have someone to look after, like he wants. And like I told you, it meant nothing to him. So it's okay.”

“But it meant something to you!” She yelled back, prying herself out of Zayn's death grip. “Why do you never take care of yourself, Zayn?! Why do you let other people come before you?!” She pushed him away from her, but all it did was make grab her roughly by the arm enough to bruise her if he squeezed hard enough.

“Because that doesn't matter to me, Perrie! I don't care! It's not worth it!” He screamed at her, Perrie turning her face away so she couldn't see him. He was ashamed, so ashamed of himself. She didn't deserve this. The only thing she ever did was care about him.

So why was he doing this to her?

“You do matter, Zayn!” She looked down at the floor, and that hurt him, how he could make her so scared she was afraid to look at him, “I know you think you don't deserve anything, that you don't matter and aren't worth caring about. But you are. You're so worth it, Zayn!”

His grip faltered, and he let his hand fall limp as he stared down at this woman. This woman whose only crime was ever loving him too much. She whimpered, covering her face with her hands. And all he could do was stare.

He hated himself sometimes.

“You're worth everything to me.”

“You're worth more than you think you are, Zayn. Don't sell yourself short.”

“I know...” He whispered quietly, and pulled her close. He let her cry into his chest, kissing the top of her head softly.

Zayn hated hurting her like this. More than anything.

“I love you Perrie. But I can't love you the way you want me to.”

She grew silent, leaning against his chest, “I know,” she whispered into his shirt. “And that's fine. I'm not expecting you to. But I can't let you go.” 

He sighed, running his fingers through her hair as he kissed her head once again, “One day, you will. You'll find someone else, someone who will love every part of you, unconditionally. Someone who will give you the world. He'll be more gorgeous than me, and he'll treat you the way you deserve. And I'll be just a distant memory. Someone you used to know. And I'll be so happy for you, Perrie, so happy.”

“...But you're wrong.” She replied, “I could never leave you.”

And deep down inside, Zayn knew she was right. Perrie would never leave him. She'd be here, waiting for him. She'd always be his tears, would always give him all her love. She'd always be his partner in crime, his other half. She would be the one to lift his spirit, to pick him up when he was down. She would share all the good times, all the bad times. And he knew, when his luck finally ran out and his health finally failed him, she'd still be there. And she would never ask for anything in return.

Because she was so much stronger than him.

“You're right,” he conceded. “And I guess... there's only one thing I can give you.”

Perrie looked up at him, eyes widening in disbelief, “No,” she protested, “You don't... You don't have to, Zayn. I know that's not what you want-”

“Perrie,” he interrupted her, “You always say I'm worth something. You always say I matter, that I deserve to be happy. Well, you do too.”

He took her hands in his, before kneeling. It was silent for the longest time, Perrie's tear stained face looking down at him with a sad, resigned expression. And he stared into those blue eyes, and he still stood by his statement, that Perrie Edwards was the most beautiful woman in the world.

“Let me do something right, for once. Let me make you happy.”

She bit her lip, before nodding once. And Zayn smiled.

After all, it was the least he could do.

Chapter Text

By the time Monday morning came along, Liam felt like if heaven truly did exist, this is what it would feel like.

He and Niall spent the entire Sunday afternoon on that couch, giving each other light kisses and giggling softly like little children doing something naughty. He couldn't keep his eyes from disappearing behind his smile. And he guessed they were going against the rules, two male pop stars kissing and tangling their hands into each others hair and tongues sliding against the others slow and lingering. When, of course, they were supposed to be straight and available for their young female fan base. But he honestly couldn't care less, not when Niall was sitting on his lap and kissing him so slow and sweet and like this. And it was such an incredible feeling, this feeling of weightlessness, like he could fly just from Niall's touch. Being able to spend endless hours, Niall's pale arms wrapped around his neck and his lips against his...

It felt electrifying.

There was no need to take things fast. They had all the time in the world, and Liam understood Niall probably wasn't ready for anything more than a light and slow make out session. After all, Niall was just getting over a heart break, and Liam knew more than anyone a broken heart takes time to heal. He could wait for the I love you's, he could wait for anything more. He was content with just holding Niall, for now.

So even though their evening wasn't very productive, Liam never felt more content to fall asleep on the couch to a Disney movie, with Niall in his arms.

On Monday, he woke up earlier than what he would have liked, his phone going off on the other side of the room wherever Niall chucked it. He untangled himself from Niall, the younger groaning slightly at having to move, and went to go answer it.

He picked the cellphone up (luckily it wasn't cracked), and answered it.

“Hello?” Liam surprised himself, by how groggy and low his voice sounded.

“Liam,” Their head bodyguard's voice cut through the phone like a sharp knife, startling him.

“P-paul?” He yawned his name as it came out like a question. He could see out of the corner of his eye Niall sitting up and giving Liam a devious smile. Liam couldn't help but grin, loving the sight of the Irishman wrapped up in a small blanket and his hair messed up from sleep and last night's activities. Niall wiggled his eyebrows playfully, making Liam have to stifle a laugh and mouthed shut up teasingly in his direction. “What's up?”

“I'm coming to pick you and Niall up right now. You have five minutes.”

“Wait, why? What's going on? We should have...” He looked towards the clock on his wall, “Another two hours. It's only four Paul, Jesus. Why are you coming so early? And why are you picking us up?”

He could hear Louis' boisterous voice in the background and Harry's light mumble trying to calm him down in the background. Something about, “We did nothing wrong and you're taking their side?!” and, “Can't even go to a fucking park by ourselves now? Jesus Christ.” And Harry's sweet mumbling voice which he assumed was something like, “Calm down, love.” or “It's okay, Boo.”

He could hear Paul's sigh, exasperated and tired himself, “They thought you all might cooperate better if someone you trusted came and got you all, and I knew the five of you would only listen to me anyway. You might wanna ask the two lovebirds in the backseat what they did.”

Why wasn't Liam surprised?

He let out a heavy sigh, “Alright, yeah. We'll be ready.” And he hung up the phone without a proper goodbye. Not that it mattered, since he would see them all soon anyway.

“What's wrong?”

Liam looked over at Niall, who had a curious look on his face as he wrapped the blanket closer around his body. And for some reason, the boy just looked so adorable, with a pale foot peaking out underneath the cover. He was going to fight the urge to walk over there and kiss him senseless, but then he realized something: He could kiss him.

He had the ability to do that now.

So that's exactly what he did, walking over to his cute little leprechaun and placing his thumb and index on his chin to pull him into a slow kiss. He loved how easily Niall responded, letting go of the blanket and reaching up to wrap his arms around Liam's neck. And he couldn't help but smile into the kiss, because he was happy, for the first time in months.

And he figured he didn't need heaven, because it couldn't be better than what Niall had to offer.

After he pulled away, and Niall still had that confused expression, he gave a loud sigh, “We need to get dressed. Harry and Louis did something... stupid yesterday after they left, or whatever. I heard Louis screaming about a park. And they're calling an emergency meeting before our interview today. Who knows, if it's really serious, there might be a press statement. You can never tell with how Modest! is.”

Niall was silent, with a somber look on his face. One Liam didn't like.

“Hey,” he placed a hand on his shoulder, giving him an encouraging smile, “No matter what happens, we'll figure it out, okay?”

Niall sighed, and nodded. “I know, it's just fucking ridiculous. Don't they realize no matter what they say, there's absolutely no way Harry and Louis are going to keep their bloody mouths shut any longer? It's like physically impossible for those two. The last thing they need is management getting in the way right now.”

Liam leaned down to give his lover a kiss on his cheek. “They'll figure it out. Now come on, we need to get dressed.”

And with a playful wink, the two of them went to their separate bedrooms to get dressed. Liam almost thought it was weird, living with someone he was in an established relationship with now, and not staying in the same room. But at the same time, this was a completely new experience for him. Niall was his best friend, first and foremost, but he also was the first man Liam had ever fallen for. He didn't know how things between them would work quite yet. Or even if they were a couple. After all, Niall was still healing, and they never did say they were together. When they heard the car outside the door, Niall and Liam walked out the door, and joined their friends.

The car ride was rather silent, considering Liam thought that Louis would be yelling at Paul the entire time from what he heard on the phone. But Harry had a tight hold on his waist, the older fidgeting on top of his lap as he tried to whisper words of comfort into his ear. By the time they all got to Zayn's flat, Louis was finally sitting still on Harry's lap, holding Harry's arms around his waist in place, as if the boy would actually let go of him. The sight was endearing, and Liam could only watch with envy as Harry gave reassuring kisses to the side of his face. He wanted to do that, but he didn't know if Niall would want him to be so affectionate. They didn't even know what management planned on doing to Louis and Harry. What if they knew they weren't the only two they had to 'worry' about ruining their precious reputation?

He glanced over at Niall who sat beside him, who just gave him a small, shy smile. Liam returned the favor, grinning madly at him. At for right now, tender looks like this would have to be enough.

Liam looked back over at the devoted couple. Harry's naturally deep voice was a low whisper, speaking sweet promises he could barely make out. He nuzzled his head into his lover's neck repeating things like, “Everything will be alright, Boo bear. As long as we have each other,” and, “I swear, no matter what they say, I will never stop loving you.”

And Liam really wanted that to be true. He really did.

“Zayn's not answering his phone.” Paul spoke up for the first time, pulling off to the side of the road. “Will one of you go wake him up?”

Seeing as the two lovebirds were so wrapped up in each other and Niall didn't seem like he wanted to move, curled up and leaning against the side of the big van, Liam got out of the car with a sigh. He walked passed the gate, knowing Zayn's security code by heart and walked up to his front door. He rang the doorbell, and only had to wait about a minute until the door was opened.

Liam met face to face with a tired Perrie, clad in a pink satin robe that left nothing to the imagination. Suddenly Liam felt very awkward, looking at this woman who stood next to him in next to nothing and obviously upset Liam woke her up. And then, he realized that her and Zayn probably had sex that night too, in the same bed where Liam fucked him the night before. Needless to say Liam was growing more and more ashamed and embarrassed the more he looked at her.

He couldn't believe he'd sleep with Zayn when the man obviously had a perfectly good woman, who loved him more than anything else right in front of him. But he understood it wasn't his relationship, or his business. If Zayn didn't love her, than there was no point in interfering with the agreement the two already had.

“Hey, Perrie...” he scratched his head nervously, not quite sure if the guilty look on his face was obvious, “Lou and Harry apparently did something stupid yesterday, and we all get to do clean up duty for them. Sorry to- disturb you two, but I need to borrow your boyfriend. Is that alright?”

Perrie bit her lip, as if she was actually considering saying no to him. But she also seemed... sad. Like she wanted to say something, but she couldn't. “Yeah...” She nodded, “Yeah, I'll get him. It's about time I get going anyway, the girls and I have a breakfast date this morning. Going to do a few cheeky Instagram videos before dance practice, ya know?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled lamely, not sure what to say, “I know what you mean.”

Perrie gave him a small smile, one that seemed really out of place. And Liam wanted to ask her what was wrong, he really did, but apparently Zayn finally made his way out of bed and came up behind her, wrapping his arms around the young songstress and surprising both her and Liam.

“What's up Liam?” He asked groggily. He was already dressed and ready to go, and Liam wondered how it was even possible Zayn looked so perfect even when he woke up first thing in the morning.

“Louis and Harry.” He sighed, exhausted.

“Right.” Zayn nodded, as if just by saying their names it explained everything. “Let's go, then.”

He gave Perrie a small peck on the cheek and a serious stare. “You get ready for today too, okay? I might need you later, so be ready whenever I call, you got that?”

She gave him a sharp nod, before retreating back into the house and leaving Zayn and Liam on the doorstep. And Liam couldn't help but be worried for her, because he swore he saw her tearing up as she walked away.

But if Zayn didn't seem worried, then he wouldn't comment.

The two of them made their way back to to the van, and the entire trip to their management offices was silent. The only person make any noise was Harry, sweet talking his lover into not making a scene when they got there, but to just stay calm. Even though it was obvious Harry was upset and fuming himself. Liam chanced a glance over in Niall's direction, but the boy was curled up in the corner, trying to sleep just a little bit more before they had to deal with Harry and Louis' mess. And well, Liam couldn't help the smile that grew on his face when he thought about how adorable his love looked.

“Awww, is Liam finally admitting he's got a crush on our little leprechaun here?” Louis' voice rang out teasingly, as he kicked Liam playfully with his foot. Harry's dimpled smile appeared on his face.

Liam's cheeks flushed, embarrassed, “Shut up!” He whispered harshly, “You'll wake him up.”

“How cute,” Harry commented, snuggling up closer to Louis. “Niall deserves someone good like you.”

And well, Liam didn't really know what to say to that.

Once Paul came to a stop, Liam woke Niall gently (which earned another 'aww' from Louis) and the five of them all got out of the car and walked into their building. They immediately were lead to the main office, where their head boss was obviously sitting down with a stern look on his face. There were five seats in front of them, but they only needed four.

Louis refused to leave the comfort of Harry's lap.

Their boss pulled up a tabloid article, one dated for today's edition. A photo of Harry and Louis, holding Briarly and Melody in their arms as they sang to each other, young the mother and guitarist standing next to each other in the background with endearing looks on their faces. Harry and Louis standing so close and looking into each others eyes... It was quite the romantic photo, so the obnoxious hearts around their faces weren't completely out of place. In the corner was a small inset, but just of Harry and Louis sitting together on the park bench. But Liam could tell by the open and honest expressions on their faces, that their was more than what just met the eye. If you didn't see the chemistry, the complete adoration and feelings that those two had, than you were an idiot.

A picture says a thousand words. And there was two, right in front of them, with big bold letters disgustingly plastered on the front.

LARRY STYLINSON: TEEN HEARTTHROBS JUST FRIENDS, OR EACH OTHERS 'MIDNIGHT MEMORIES'?

“Boys.” Richard sighed, shaking his head, “You know you can't be so careless. What you two did yesterday, singing love songs and taking pictures with children... It's cute and all and I understand you two were just having a good time, but being so open like that, people are starting to talk again and they're coming up with these ridiculous notions again that you two-”

“Are gay?” Louis interjected, a smug look on his face, “For each other? News Flash: we are.”

The old man sighed, “Now boys, we've talked about this. You two being together, as a couple would be devastating to your image and sales. Not only that, but you've already terminated one contract of yours Louis, when Ms. Calder walked out on you so dramatically. You don't want to tarnish your reputation even more, as some sort of user of women, in order to hide some sort of scandalous relationship with a man? And Harry, you've already built this reputation as a ladies' man. Some might even call you a womanizer. Do you really think it would be beneficial for people to start questioning what your true motives with Louis really are, who's supposed to your best friend? People might think of you as some sort of fake, or even worse, that you'd stoop so low and use Louis? I know you don't actually use people, and you're wonderful Harry. But people make assumptions, and this is something you don't want the whole world talking about. Not to mention the other boys. You're career isn't just your own, but the five of you together. You could rip the whole band's dynamic apart. This fling you two have, it can't exist. You need to stop it, now.”

Liam couldn't believe it. Is this really what Louis had been led to believe all these years? Is this the speech they gave them when Harry and Louis revealed for the first time they liked each other? Liam hated this, seeing his friends get torn down like this. They might only view this as doing their job, but... It didn't make it right.

“Do you think this is some sort of game? We're not some sort of pawns you guys can control, you know!” Louis yelled, angry and loud. Harry tried to get him to sit still, but Louis wasn't having it. “We're people, with lives and feelings, and we've done what you've told us to do so far, but this is one thing none of us agree on!”

“He's right, you know.” Niall pipped up, looking over at Harry and Louis. His eyes met Harry's as he spoke, “All we want is for the two of them to be happy. If they're happy together and want to be open about it, then why not? What's wrong with taking a risk? And not only that, but the two of them going public opens a lot more doors for us as well. It might bring in more fans this way, with an entire community being able to identify with them. And we could try to set a positive image for young teens and different programs to help those who struggle due to their sexuality. Having Louis and Harry be inspirational figures for those suffering with depression and suicidal thoughts in the Gay community seems like a great way to give some positive publicity. Hiding it seems like a bad idea to me. Why not take a chance? It might be good for everyone.”

Harry smiled at Niall, who returned the favor. And Liam was glad, that Niall could be happy and supportive now, even though he might still have feelings for Harry.

“I'd like that a lot.” Harry turned to face Richard, “I want to help others, and I want to feel like I'm doing some good. Why don't we all do that, help sponsor and plan events to help promote things like The Trevor Project in America or Queer Youth Network. Maybe we could just help promote tolerance and peace like that... All around the world. We have influence, maybe instead of worrying about the bad, we try to use it for the good.”

Even though it wasn't said as eloquently as Niall, Liam admitted Harry had a way of making everything sound charming and fun. Even Liam got excited.

“I agree. We help promote other amazing charities and organizations against bullying or poverty... why should this be any different?” Liam smiled, taking some sense of pride that Niall suggested this first.

“And setting up this sort of friendly image would bring in many more fans.” Zayn spoke up, “I'm all up for it. The world is changing all around us. Having backwards thoughts like hiding in a closet and not trying to move forward is worse than being open. People would have a lot more respect for us if they just admitted it. It's obvious, it's not like people can't see it. They might as well just say it.”

The idea was already planted in their brains, something the five of them couldn't get out. And just as they started getting really excited, Richard interjected loudly.

“You guys don't seem to realize something. You all are pop stars, not activists! That isn't your job, nor would it be beneficial to loose all the young impressionable fans you already have. If you get rid of that availability factor then there will be no more appeal for you all!”

Louis snorted, talking back in a sarcastic voice, “Oh yeah, because letting young girls know it's okay to be themselves and to not judge others for who they are is a bad thing. I think that's a better image than being a teenage heartthrob. And we're not the only members. Liam likes girls, and Zayn's freaking dating Perrie! Even Harry's not completely gay. They only one who is completely gay is me! Just call up Simon, see what he says! He'll listen to us.”

“Simon is on a very important business trip in the US.” He said smugly, “So I'm afraid for now you'll just have to answer to me. He's a busy man, he can't always be on your beck and call.”

Liam wanted to smack the look right off his face. The five of them sat, feeling defeated.

“Alright.” Lous finally spoke, bitter, “What now, then? Everyone already figured it out.”

“Not yet,” He interjected, “We can plan a press statement, saying how you two enjoyed singing to those two young children you met, and be glad you two decided to greet fans in your spare time. Deny that anything is going on, and say you're just friends. Send out a tweet, saying you want to try to help families in need, Harry. And Louis can talk about how the two sweet little girls reminded him of his sisters, and talk about how you plan to visit your family. Alone.”

Louis and Harry were silent, a dead, cold look in their eyes as Louis took Harry's massive hand in his own. Liam wanted to say something, he did, but he couldn't.

The five of them had signed their life away. They still had two more years of this. If they went against them, they got nothing. They weren't lawyers, they didn't know how it worked, but it just... did.

“And we'll try to put something else as a distraction. Maybe we could make a story, about Niall being drunk in a pub with some mystery girl or another scandal about you, Zayn. We'll inform Perrie, so she knows you haven't done anything wrong.”

“Or how about,” Zayn interjected, rolling his eyes, “instead of ruining our image in order to make Louis actually seem straight, you could try to put something exciting or happy in the news?”

“Like what?”

“Just have people write online about how Perrie and I are engaged. I'll call her up, and we can have a photo ready and a statement done by the afternoon.”

The room fell dead silent as everyone stared at Zayn.

“You're...” Niall started, looking at Zayn in disbelief, “Engaged?”

“That's different than what you told me the night before.”

Liam didn't mean for it to sound accusatory, but it did. Engaged? Why did Perrie look so sad then? And why the hell did Zayn change his mind. Didn't he say he'd never marry her?

Zayn looked up at Liam, meeting his eyes. He could see the apology, along with the defensive look in them. “It happened last night. I proposed to her, she said yes.”

Then why did she look so upset when I answered the door? Liam wanted to ask. And why did Zayn propose if he didn't really love her? When he didn't want her?

Why was he doing this?

“Alright then. Call Perrie and tell her to be ready by noon to go on a lunch date with you. You'll pick her up from her dance studio, with flowers and take her out. She has a ring, right?”

“Not yet. I'll get it before I go. How about I go with you, Louis?” He asked, “It'll look like I'm getting some advice from my best friend, and afterward I'll propose to her in front of Jesy and Jade and Leigh-Anne. You and your lackey's can take as many pictures as you want. Inform the entire paparazzi, and I'll take her out. How does that sound?”

Richard smiled bitterly, “Sounds perfect. And Jesy's still single, right? Why don't you go and talk to Jesy afterward, Louis. Give her a bit of a smile and charm for the camera.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You don't seemed to get it, do you?!” He shouted, fuming as he grabbed Harry's face and kissed him fiercely. The other responded quickly, trying to kiss his boyfriend softly but Louis wasn't having any of it, taking Harry's jaw in his hand and coercing him to open up. They sat there, Louis' tongue sliding against Harry's and mouth open wide in a way which could only be described as obscene. But it was worth it, to see the look on Richard's face as the two pop stars went at it in the middle of his office.

After the man coughed loudly, and Louis finally deemed it enough time to stop but still be defiant, he turned to face him with a smug look on his face.

“You made your point perfect clear, Mr. Tomlinson. But giving the camera something to look at for right now won't hurt anyone. I'll consider what you boys have proposed. Happy?”

And no, they weren't. But it was better than nothing.

“Alright, yeah,” Harry spoke before Louis could, fixing his hair and letting out a heavy breath.

“Good. And remember, next Friday you all have an interview in America, and you all have a charity concert in New York that weekend. You'll fly out on that Wednesday, and you can invite Perrie along, Zayn. But until then, You're going to go spend a week with your family, Louis. Play up the homesick feel and take your sister's out. Enjoy yourself. In fact, why don't you all just... go for a week.”

“What about rehearsals? We have a show coming up.”

“It's a stripped down, invitation only where your stage is outside and only the children and people affiliated with the organization are going to be. Very small gig, but a very important cause. You'll get your set list and perform the songs. It's nothing knew. You'll rehearse the night before and be fine.”

“I'm fine with that.” Louis said, “Besides, my mother wanted to have dinner with me and Harry-”

“You'll be going alone. Without Harry.” He said sternly. And Louis just laughed.

“My mother will kill me if I don't bring Louis back for dinner with me too. We're going to split our time. Four days at Lou's, four at mine. It's our time off, after all.” Harry spoke with a tone of finality in his voice; it was almost scary how serious he was, like he wasn't asking, but telling their boss what exactly was going to happen.

“Yeah, okay. Whatever.” The man sighed, obviously too frustrated to fight the issue. “As long as you two don't do anything stupid.”

“I'm gonna go call Perrie.” Zayn spoke up, and walked out the door to dial her. Liam could see him out the small window, head down as he spoke to her, and had half a mind to go and confront him about what exactly was going on.

Harry held Louis' hand, giving him a small kiss on the cheek and mentioning how he'll go pack both of their stuff while he was out with Zayn picking a ring. He spoke softly, “This is a good thing. I know you've missed your family and they'll be so happy to see you. And I'll be there when you need me and out of the way when you want to spend time alone. And I'll see Mom and Robin and Gemma, and they'll want to see you too. They love you Lou, you're already family anyway.”

The way Harry could calm Louis down in a stressful situation like this was incredible. Liam had to hand it to him, since he knew Louis could get quite upset and Harry obviously was too. It was nice to see them agree and give each other a small kiss. Liam looked over at Niall, who gave Liam a small smile. And he knew, that this must be hard. Hearing Louis and Harry get treated as if their feelings didn't matter. It made him wonder: what would they say if they knew Liam and Niall were starting to develop feelings for each other? Liam gave a feeble attempt at returning the favor, before deciding he was going to ask Zayn what his engagement with Perrie was really about.

He walked outside the room to go find Zayn, sitting outside and lighting a cigarette as he said goodbye to Perrie. Before he could take the first puff from the stick though, Liam walked up behind him and took the lighter out of his hands.

“What the hell do you mean you're engaged?”

Zayn sighed, irritated, “Do you have to ruin my chances to get a decent smoke all the time, or is it just a hobby of yours?”

“Don't change the subject. Besides, smoking's bad for you anyway. If you plan on getting married and becoming a family man, you'll want to quit anyway.” Liam spoke, bitter.

“Family man?” He gave a laugh, “I never said I'm gonna start a family soon. It's not like Perrie's pregnant.”

“Then why the hell are you marrying a woman you don't love?”

Zayn sighed, “Why do you care, huh Liam?”

“Because,” Liam grabbed him by the arm, forcing Zayn to meet his eyes, “You're my friend and I care about you! I don't understand why you're going to marry her when you don't love her. You said yourself that it wouldn't even make her happy.”

“But that was before I realized, Liam.” Zayn spoke, with a sad tone laced throughout his words, “This is the closest I can get to making her happy. She's never going to leave me, Liam...”

Zayn sounded so distant. And it made Liam sad, to hear his friend so resigned.

“She loves me. And this is the least I can do for her.”

“But, Zayn...” Liam tried to find the words, “It's not... what you want.”

“...Maybe it's all I need.”

Liam shook his head, “I don't understand. Don't you realize you deserve someone you can fall in love with? Perrie's amazing, but if she's not who you're in love with, than you shouldn't marry her.”

“But she deserves this...” Zayn's eyes drifted to the floor, and he chuckled, “Besides, sometimes people aren't meant to get what they truly wish for. Sometimes it's better to just see the beauty in what's around you, and be happy with that, rather than be stuck watching something from afar.”

Liam was about to ask Zayn what exactly he meant by that, but Zayn quickly walked passed him to pile back into the van Paul was now waiting for them in. Louis and Harry were already inside, and Niall waited to go in until Liam started to make his own way there. They sat in the back of the van, Liam and Niall on one side with Louis and Harry facing them with Zayn in the middle. And one by one, by dropped them off.

“I'm sorry boys...” Paul started, “I wish I could help but I'm just doing my job.”

“It's alright,” Harry answered before Louis could give a sarcastic retort. “We understand, Paul.”

Zayn and Louis were dropped off first at Zayn's flat, Louis give his love one last kiss before leaving.

“Hey,” Harry smiled at him, one filled with encouragement and hope, “No matter what, we'll get through this together, okay? I love you.”

Louis sighed, but nodded, “Yeah, okay. Love you too. I'll see you later today.”

Once Louis left the car with Zayn, Harry immediately let out the breath neither Niall nor Liam knew he was holding.

“You're quite strong, being able to put up such a front for Lou.” Niall commented.

Harry shrugged, trying to act dismissive, “I've already fucked up so much. If one of us needs to be strong for this, than it's definitely going to be me. I'm not going to let this get to me. He loves me, I love him. We're going to get through this, and see our families this week... It'll be okay. It's only for a little bit. Once we go public, we might be faced with a whole new set of challenges, but none will compare to this. We'll make the best of it.”

Liam didn't know if Harry was trying to convince Niall and him, or himself at this point.

Liam and Niall said goodbye to Harry, giving him a hug. Niall went out first, and Liam was going to follow him, but suddenly Liam felt a strong hand grab his arm.

He turned around to look at his younger friend, “What is it, Harry?”

The youngest member bit his lip, looking incredibly like his age for the first time in a while. His eyes pleaded with him, and Liam couldn't help but admit that were the most beautiful pair of green eyes he'd ever seen.

“Just...” Harry spoke, careful and slow, “Just... Promise me.” He looked Liam dead in the eye, serious, “Promise me you'll take care of him. Don't... hurt him.”

A small, sympathetic look came upon Liam's face as he looked down at Harry.

“I promise.”

And Harry finally let go.

Liam went to join Niall, already in Liam's flat and packing up clothing into his suitcase. For a second Liam forgot why, but then quickly remembered that Louis and Harry weren't the only ones ordered to go see their families.

It was a shame, that right at the start of this budding relationship of theirs, they had a part ways for a few days. But Liam really had been neglecting his family, and he had a feeling Niall was doing the same thing. He walked up behind Niall, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him close. The blond didn't seem to mind, moving his hands to hold Liam's in place on his stomach.

“...What is going to happen now?” Niall asked quietly, leaning back into his chest.

Liam shrugged, “You'll go back to Ireland for a few days, and I'll visit my family. We'll only be gone for a few days.”

“No. I mean,” Niall turned around, looking up at Liam with a nervous gaze, “What about us?”

“...I don't know,” Liam admitted, “I lo-like you... a lot... I want to be with you, if you'll have me.”

He couldn't tell Niall he loved him, not yet. He didn't want to scare him off. He wanted Niall to not feel pressured, to not feel as if he had to admit anything he didn't want to right now. When Niall was ready, then he'd tell him.

Niall thought for a moment, taking Liam's hands in his, “But... if this is what they're doing to Louis and Harry... then what would happen to us? What would they say if they knew we wanted to... try this?”

It wasn't like Liam didn't already think of this. But it was still hard to come up with an answer. He gave Niall a sweet kiss on the cheek and a smile.

“We'll take things slow. I don't feel the need to be public, not yet. I'm content as long as I have you in private. We don't have to rush anything. When we feel ready, we'll bring it up to the others. I'll tell my parents I'm in a relationship with you when I go visit them this week, and I'll call you every night. And when we get back, we can have our own little dates at home. I'll cook dinner and we can dress up like we're going out and it'll be okay. But nothing major has to change for now. And you'll always be welcome here.”

And for some reason, Niall started crying. Liam just held him tightly, wrapping his love in his embrace.

“I'm sorry, Liam... I'm happy, I really am... It's just so much-”

“Shhhh....” Liam cooed softly in his ear, giving the faded locks on the top of his head a kiss, “Don't apologize, Nialler. You don't have to explain yourself. We'll take our time, there's no need to rush... We have all the time in the world.”

Niall gave a small laugh, “Right.” He nodded, wiping the tears from his eyes, “We don't have to take things fast... just let the pieces fall where they may.”

And Liam didn't feel any doubt as he kissed Niall softly on the mouth in their living room. 

Chapter Text

Liam kept his promise to call Niall every night.

Every night, after he said goodnight to his mom and dad, Liam would go up to the spare room in their house and dial that number he knew by heart now. After three rings, Niall would answer with a quiet, “Hello?” And Liam would answer, speaking just as softly, not wanting waking up his parents in the other room. They'd ask each other how their day went, how their families were, what they were doing right now, and then always end the conversation with a, “Wish you were here,” and a, “I'm always thinking about you.”

And Liam would hang up the phone, whispering silently to himself, “I love you.”

It made him feel like a love stuck teen, having secret phone calls to their girlfriend late at night. And he used to make fun of those teens, who we're hiding secrets and lovey dovey with their girlfriends they probably wouldn't even have towards the end of the year. But Niall was different. Not only was Niall one of his closest friends, but also the first person he ever felt so strongly about. Even Danielle didn't compare to what Niall did to him, made him feel. And that was why he was so determined to let his family know, about Niall, about how he was sure this time. That there was no more girlfriends, no more broken hearts, no more traitors or no more people who would use him.

Niall was it for him.

The first day Liam came home, he decided to stay quiet on the matter. It was a rather unexpected visit and everything was rather hectic, his mother and father trying to get everything set up for his return. And their family dinner was nice, only questions about how he's been and how the boys have been, how work is and life. He was grateful, for the nice retreat.

The second day, Ruth and Nicola came by and they all spent the day together as a family. It had been so long since he'd seen his sister, and being able to hold her was the best feeling ever. As they sat around playing boardgames and acting silly, he just couldn't bring himself to tell them, not when he felt like it would completely ruining the entire vibe. So he focused on making the day about his sisters, wanting to make them feel special and buying both a new outfit just because he wanted to spoil them.

The third day was when Liam finally found the perfect opportunity to mention his boyfriend. Perrie and Zayn's engagement finally hit the morning news, in its vain attempt to overshadow the intimate moment Harry and Louis had at the park. His mother was watching the news with his sisters, sipping tea as his father made breakfast in the kitchen and Liam walked down the stairs to greet his mom with a kiss.

“It's so nice to see one of you boys are getting married. And Perrie seems like such a lovely girl too! Zayn's sure got himself a nice catch.” Ruth remarked, taking another sip of her team and smiling at her brother.

“I hope they last. You never know for sure if couples will these days. But just look at the smile on his face, he must be so in love with her.” Karren smiled, a fond expression on her face.

Liam could argue that Zayn didn't really want to marry her, but he decided not to.

“Yeah, I'm happy for them.” Nicola smiled..

“Well, Liam,” His father called from the kitchen, “Anyone special you've been seeing recently? Some lucky girl that you've taken a liking to?”

And well, Liam couldn't stop the smile on his face even if he tried. He was finally happy to mention Niall. He bit his lip, giddy inside just thinking about the Irish blonde who had stolen his heart.

“Yeah, there is someone, actually.”

Nicola and Ruth sat up, watching Liam with excited eyes, “Really?” The said in unison, Ruth jumping up and down.

“Oh really?” Even his father sounded surprised, walking into the living to join his family. Liam nodded happily, not being able to stop the embarrassed blush on his face.

“Aw, my little baby brother is blushing! You must really like this one.” Ruth teased, which earned her a shy, “Shut up,” from Liam.

“Well, who's the lucky girl? And why didn't you bring her back home so we could meet her, Liam!” Karen scolded, standing up to give her son a playful nudge on the arm.

“Um...” Liam started, suddenly feeling very nervous as his family stared him down. “You all know them already...”

“Really?” Nicola asked, confused, “well then what's her name?”

“Yeah son, spit it out,” Geoff gave his son a pat on the back as Liam looked up at his family with a huge smile, excited to share his happiness with them.

“It's Niall.”

The silence he was met with at his confession wasn't very promising, but he tried not to let it get to him.

“N-...Niall?” Ruth suddenly spoke up, and the tone of her voice made Liam confused. “You mean... your band mate Niall?”

Liam nodded, a small smile on his face, “Yeah, I mean... We ended up living together these past few months, and-” He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling shy and embarrassed recalling what all happened in his head, “It was actually only the other day when he had our first kiss and-”

“Wait, wait-” His mother waved her arms to cut Liam off, she looked incredulously, “You mean to tell me my son's been dating a man this whole time?”

“Well,” Liam started, giving his mom a confused look, “Not the whole time. I mean, we only just started-”

“Is this because of Danielle?” His quiet father finally spoke up. Not in a bad way, but like he was trying to understand his son, “Is it because she dumped you, you feel like you can't get a girl so you're dating Niall? Because let me tell you that's not the case at all.”

“No!” Liam exclaimed, shocked his father would even suggest that, “Not at all, I actually like him-”

“Is this some sort of experiment?” Nicola asked, “I mean, are you just wondering what it's like being with a man so you and Niall fool around? I know it can get kinda busy and lonely, touring all the time and not having a girlfriend around. Is it more of a convenience?”

“Of course not! We've never even had sex.” Liam was offended. Why was his family so... disturbed over this? “What's gotten into you guys? What's the big deal?”

“Well,” Karen started, looking over at her husband and daughter before speaking softly to her son, “It's just... you've always liked girls, Liam. Even when you were little, you've always talked about how pretty and cute girls are...”

“You've never liked guys before. We're just wondering if maybe all of the stress and fame has gone to your head. If it's because you haven't been with a woman in a while...” Geoff put a hand on his son's shoulder, but Liam just shrugged it off.

“That's not it at all.” He bit his lip, wondering just how he could put his, “I... I still think girls are attractive, I just realize I like men too. And Niall's- I've never felt like this about anyone before...”

“But how can you be sure you like men if you've never been with one?”

The fact he was being asked this cliché phrase was absurd, and Liam couldn't help but let out a dry laugh. He wanted to say some snarky comment back to his sister, something like the same way you know if your straight, but he felt the need to correct them all and to settle something they all seem to not know. Even if it was a topic Liam didn't like discussing with his parents, his need to prove them wrong was greater.

“I have slept with a guy before.”

Geoff coughed loudly while Karren, Nicola, and Ruth's eyes all widened in shock.

“But-” Karen spoke, feeling weird she was talking to her son about this, “I thought you said you and Niall haven't-”

“We haven't.” Liam interrupted, and gave a small smirk, “It was with Zayn, actually. You know, the one you all were so happy found Perrie and is getting married. He loves her, but I know he doesn't love her like that. I can't seem to figure out why he asked her to marry him.”

“You mean to say Harry and Louis actually are the only straight members?” Ruth spoke, laughing.

“No. They're actually in a relationship. Have been, for a few months now. Modest! just doesn't want anyone to figure it out, because they're afraid haven't a bunch of 'queers' in the band will be bad for our image. When really, the only one of us who is completely gay is Louis. They're trying to get Zayn and Perrie's recent engagement to cover up the intimate moment they had at the park this weekend.”

Liam crossed his arms around his chest, looking at his family expectantly for another question.

His father spoke next, after a few quiet seconds, “What about you and Niall?”

Liam shrugged, “We don't really care, about going public right now. Louis and Harry have loved each other from the very beginning, as if that wasn't obvious enough. We all think they deserve to not have to hide it, especially when they suck at it. Niall and I are taking things slow, and I don't mind not acting like a couple in public. Maybe in the future we'll say something, but for right now it's fine as it is. I'm telling you all because you're my family and I want you to know who it is that-” Liam sighed, smiling at the mere thought of Niall, “I'm with.”

It was silent for a long time, longer than Liam was comfortable with. But finally, his mom spoke, sincerity in her voice.

“Are you happy, Liam?”

He nodded, sitting down on the couch, “I've never been happier. I know I'm one to fall hard but... I've never felt like this. He's... amazing, mom. These past few years have been amazing, it's like I've known him and the boys my entire life. And even though we're taking things slow for now, I-” he bit his lip, “I honestly think- no, I know I love him.”

Admitting he loved Niall to a person and saying he loved him while no one could hear were two completely different things. It felt good to get it off his chest.

His family sat down, his mom on one side and dad on the other, Ruth and Nicola sitting in front of him. His father sighed, “I guess that means I shouldn't be expecting you to carry on our name if you're serious about this.” It wasn't strict or forceful, just sad, and Liam almost felt bad.

He shook his head, “That's not it at all, dad.” He turned and gave him a smile, “Even if I'm with Niall, if we decide to start a family there's plenty of ways to do so. We could always get a surrogate mother, or adoption, there's plenty of options for us. Just because I like men doesn't mean I don't want to be a father, or start my own family.”

His father nodded his head, and Liam's mother gave a smile and a hug to her son.

“Well, you'll have to invite Niall over properly one of these days for dinner. He's a fine young man, and we all want to get to know him as your boyfriend now.”

Ruth nodded, and gave her brother a smile, “Definitely. If you're in love with him I really want to what's so special about him.” She gave a playful wink, and Liam laughed.

“Me too... Niall's really nice. He suits you well,” Nicola grinned, earning a smile from her brother.

“Thanks... I wanted to let you guys know. It's a secret for now, but it doesn't change anything. I'm still... the same Liam, the same boy you guys raised. It really isn't a big deal.”

“I know. I'm still proud of you no matter what.” Geoff pat him on the back, and it felt like a weight had been lifted off of Liam's shoulders. It felt good, to know he had a supportive family. “It just came as a shock is all.”

“Thanks, guys.”

That night he told Niall what happened, and the blonde was so happy, congratulating Liam and saying he could never turn down the opportunity for a free meal. But when Liam asked if Niall planned on telling his family, Niall was hesitant.

“It's not that I don't want to. I've wanted to tell my family I like guys for years... It's just I don't know if they'd be as accepting as yours, or Lou's and Harry's...”

And Liam understood. Having to come out and not being sure of what the reaction would be is terrifying. And they were taking it slow, so it didn't really matter at this point if the whole family knew or not.

The forth day came and went, their family going out to eat before staying in and watching Toy Story together. When he told Niall about it, his boyfriend laughed heartily and said teasingly, “God, you love that movie more than me even.”

When Liam said smoothly, “Oh, that's impossible,” he was pretty sure he could see the blush on Niall's face even from this distance. He didn't totally say he loved Niall, but he sure put the thought into his head. And for right now, that would be enough.

On the fifth day, Niall talked to Liam about how he had visited his brother and his wife, and watched Theo so the couple could go out for dinner. And well, how he actually did tell someone he was dating Liam.

“I was holding Theo and feeding him 'cause he seemed hungry, and after I put the bottle down I asked him if he would mind if you and I we're together. And he started smiling and laughing. So I guess that's a good sign! You've got Theo's approval anyway, and that's all that really matters.”

And Liam agreed, that Theo's opinion was the only one worth worrying about.

The sixth day, Liam decided to go see a movie with his family, and wasn't bothered by the fans that spotted him. In fact, even though he wanted to spend time with his family, he still found time to take a few pictures and give a few signatures. After all, without them, One Direction would never have happened. Without the fans, he probably wouldn't have had such amazing opportunities. And he probably would never have ended up with Niall.

Their talk at night was mostly about the boring movie Liam saw, that didn't compare at all to Toy Story.

The seventh day was laid back, Liam staying in and spending the day with his parents. His parents took the day off work so they could spend his last day together as a family. And dinner, Liam packed his stuff, getting ready to leave in the morning. After all, they all had a plan to catch tomorrow for New York. After closing his suitcase, he automatically called Niall, who answered slower than usual, at five rings instead of three.

“Yes?”  He heard Niall's breathless voice on the other side of the phone.

“Evening, love. How was your day?” Liam spoke with a smile.

Niall's strained stutter began to worry him, “F-fine...”

“Niall...” Liam spoke cautiously, concerned for his boyfriend. “Are you okay? You sounded like you're in pain.”

“N-no... I'm fine...”

The blood began to rise to his cheeks as he heard a long moan resonate through the speakers of the phone.

“Leeeeyummmm...”

And well, his cheeks weren't the only place blood was rushing to.

“Fuck, Niall.... A-are you...?” Liam couldn't even begin to finish his question. Just the mere thought of Niall, sitting on his childhood bed with his hand on his dick while the other trembled while holding the phone, jacking himself off while answering the phone, to the thought of him...

“Y-yes... Oh God, yes Liammmmm...”

Liam's own pants needed to come off right fucking now.

His brown eyes darkened considerably and he unzipped his pants and slid his hand down to begin fondling himself. He let out a low moan, which caused Niall's breathe to hitch. Liam knew they agreed to take things slow, but this didn't really count did it? Not when Niall was the one to initiate it?

Liam talked low and quiet, that childish fear of getting caught exciting him even more, “God, so am I... feels good.”

Liam was never good at things like this, always choking up on the phone whenever he would try this with Danielle. But with Niall, he didn't feel nearly as much pressure, letting whatever words fall from his mouth with ease.

“Li... Liam...” Niall choked on his name, “Wish you were here...”

“So do I,” Liam wet his hand with his tongue, then went to slide up and down his shaft slowly. He squeezed the tip lightly, imagining Niall's warm tongue on him instead. “I'd treat you good, Nialler... so good...” He moaned softly, hating the way he felt loud, “I'd make sure you felt nice and pretty, make you feel so good, kiss you slow before taking you in my mouth...”

Niall let out a small yelp, “Oh God, Liam... that'd feel so good... I'm already close...”

“Maybe I'd even slip in a finger, maybe two into that pretty little whole of yours,” Liam added cheekily, not even sure where that came from, “Stretch you out nice and good, maybe add one more for good measure. You'd like that, big enough to take me, and it wouldn't even hurt... Make it so good for you Niall, hit that spot every time...”

He didn't know where that even came from, but all he knew was that he really wanted to do that with Niall, hear his whimpers and moans underneath him instead of on a long distance phone line. He pumped himself faster, spurred on by the loud moans and whimpers he heard at his ear.

“Oh God, Leeyum, your fingers would feel so much better than mine, wish it was you.... don't know how long I can last-”

“Love it when you say my name like that,” Liam groaned low, feeling himself close to the edge already just from knowing Niall was fingering himself. “I just keep imagining that when the time comes where I finally make love to you, it'll be better than I've ever dreamed... So just let go for me baby, wanna hear you say my name as you come.”

“Liam!” Niall choked out loudly, and Liam brought himself over the edge quickly so he could finish with his boyfriend, moaning out his name as well.

He sat there panting, the only other thing filling the silence was Niall's own heavy breathing on the other line. He couldn't believe what just happened, that he just had phone sex with Niall, had actually let all of that slip out of his mouth.

But God was it amazing.

BANG BANG BANG

Liam jumped out of his thoughts, barely covering himself up with a sheet before going over an opening his door a crack. Ruth stood on the other side of the door, hands on her hips, eying her brother up and down before letting a smirk grow on her face as she took in the sight. “Well, that explains it. Try to keep it down next time when you're 'talking' on the phone, okay?”

He nodded quickly as the blush spread across his face. Ruth laughed and walked away after Liam shut the door in her face. He picked up the phone.

“Niall?”

“Yeah, Li?”

I think my family heard me.”

Niall laughed, louder than Liam had heard in a long time, genuine and free. And Liam found himself laughing along as well. The entire situation was absurd, but it never felt so right. Niall's laughter was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard.

“That's fucking great, Liam! Oh god, I think I almost pissed myself there!”

And well, he was glad he was going to see Niall and the others very soon.

Chapter Text

Liam had never been happier to get on a plane before in his life.

Because, well, the moment he got to the airport, his eyes searched for where he knew the band decided would be their meet up spot and instantly caught Niall's own pair of blues. He didn't try to stop the massive grin on his face, happy to finally be reunited with his boyfriend, as well as his friends. He walked over to the secret meeting spot, glad they were mostly out of eyesight, and went straight for Niall with a dumb smile. Niall took a few steps forward as well, meeting him halfway until they both stood inches apart with the same, goofy smile.

“Hi,” Liam spoke, taking in his love that he hadn't seen in over a week. A week was too long, too long to go without seeing Niall.

“Hey, yourself,” Niall gave a toothy grin, on that made Liam's heart melt. The energetic leprechaun's smile, happiness, his energy was contagious. It was amazing he went so long without it. He was glad to see Niall back to himself, giddy and carefree, staring at Liam, of all people, like he was the most amazing thing to ever exist.

“Alright lovebirds, now's not the time to get all lovey dovey!” Louis spoke up in a cheerful mood, patting both of them on the back and drawing them out of their little world, “Time to leave for New York City!”

Liam and Niall watched as Louis walked off with his suitcase, a slight hop in his step and a wicked grin on his face as he followed Zayn to get their luggage (and themselves) checked. Harry's smile was endearing, as he turned away from watching Louis' ass to looking up at Liam to great him. He gave a smile in return. “It seems like Lou is in a good mood.”

Harry nodded, “Yeah... This week was good for both of us. I think it's what we needed... a break, to see our families, and just get away from it all... ya know?”

Liam nodded, understanding exactly what he meant. This week had been therapeutic for all of them. The only one who had to work with the press at all was Zayn, but that was only for a little while before he was able to visit his family briefly as well. With Perrie, of course. Perrie was about to become part of his family, so it was only natural she should go with him when he visited his family. They probably had a lot of questions for the both of them anyway, considering how their engagement was rather surprising for anyone involved, or at least anyone who knew them well enough.

Liam didn't understand it. He could see this failing, see Zayn making one of the biggest mistakes in his life. Perrie is lovely and deserves her own happy ending, but Zayn wasn't a prince. So why was he trying to be, when it was obvious he didn't want to marry her?

Liam was determined to find out.

The plane ride was long, but they all were used to it by now, and it didn't feel very long with Niall sleeping peacefully on his shoulder. He watched Harry and Louis freaking giggle to each other like little school girls for a while, and all of the small, tender kisses they'd share. Until, well, that got borning and he shifted his gaze to Zayn, headphones in his ears as he read a book by some American writer with a color for a last name. (He couldn't remember what Zayn told him, either Green or Gold.) He wanted to ask him, get to the bottom of all this, but he couldn't. Not now. It'd be better to wait until they got to New York, settled into their hotel room and comfortable. Then he'd ask him.

At least, that's what he told himself.

Their short rehearsal the next day consisted of the five of them going quickly through the small list (only twelve songs, the boys almost couldn't believe it) each song, while Louis and Harry goofed off and gave each other winks and not-so subtle touches throughout the entire performance. Liam admitted it was all rather cute and funny, and it was obvious none of the boys minded, letting the two of them be free to express themselves in a private rehearsal like this and laughing along to all of their jokes as well. It was only when they were told to get serious and Louis' face automatically sunk did Liam realize how difficult tomorrow was going to be for them, being able to actually be a couple for an entire week and having to go back to 'just friends' once the camera was on them once more.

Liam felt bad. He wanted to do something, but what could he do?

After they finished rehearsal, all five of them ordered in Chinese food, and cuddled up together in Harry and Louis' hotel room. Harry was in the middle of the huge bed, with an arm around Louis, who laid on his chest. And Liam didn't mind he was on Louis' side, the opposite of Niall, who was currently sitting in between Harry and Zayn and snuggled in tightly. After all, this was 'group time,' not 'Niall and Liam' time. Hanging out with friends didn't have to involve PDA. It was fine for Louis and Harry, but Liam didn't want to make Zayn feel left out, especially when he wasn't quite sure what was bothering him, and Perrie wasn't here either. And besides, there's been plenty of teasing, but Niall and Liam haven't actually told the boys they were together. (They were, but that was besides the point.)

So the five of them fell asleep in their sleepwear together, cuddled on that big bed with some stupid romantic comedy Harry picked out.

In the morning, Liam woke up to a large banging on the door. And to no surprise, he was the one who had to go and open it.

Paul stood before him with a fond but stern look on his face. “Are all five of you in here?”

Liam looked behind his should sleepily before counting four bodies still in bed. He almost panicked and yelled no, but then he realized he was the fifth body.

“Yep.”

“Good. You all have about an hour to get ready, okay?”

Liam nodded sleepily, and shut the door with a sigh. It was always his job to wake the others.

He shook Harry and Louis awake first, both of them waking up with not a lot of difficulty. They stared into each others eyes before giving the other a quick kiss (which was cute and not at the same time because ew morning breath) and Liam broke up the love fest by telling them the might want to take a shower and get ready. To which they both reluctantly agreed to.

And even though they said it would be quicker to shower together, Liam didn't really agree.

He woke up Niall next, gently and with a sweet voice. His heart nearly stopped when he saw those beautiful blue eyes flutter open, and those pale lips great him with a warm smile and a raspy, “Morning.”

“It's time to get up, love. Go take a shower and get dressed, okay?” He kissed his forehead softly, causing a butt naked Louis to teasingly, 'Awwww' obnoxiously and yell, “Look at the adorable couple!”

When really, he probably was the last person who should be teasing Liam over a small kiss on the head.

Niall nodded, yawning and stretching before getting up, “Alright, but I expect food.” And going into his hotel room to find his suitcase.

That was when Liam turned his attention to his most greatest adversary when it came to situations like this.

“Zayn.” He spoke loudly but in a kind voice, shoving Zayn a little bit harder than the rest so he could actually feel it.

The man groaned, but any noise was progress when it came to Zayn. He pulled the cover back just a little bit and whispered in his ear.

“Zayn, it's time to get up. I know you don't like being woken up so early, but we all gotta be ready in about fifty minutes. Think you can manage?”

“Just give me a few minutes...” Zayn grumbled out, his voice tired and lower than usual. He had to admit it sounded pretty amazing, but then again, there were a lot of things that were pretty amazing about Zayn.

Which is another reason why Liam didn't understand he couldn't see how much he was worth.

“Okay Zayn, but you gotta be up in ten.” Liam spoke before leaving the Bradford boy and going to order a quick breakfast off of the Hotel menu for them. Afterward, he opted for just skipping a shower (not very sanitary, but he did take one last night and decided he'd force himself to take one after their long and busy day) and just brushed his teeth before going to check back on Zayn.

He was impressed. Only eight minutes in and Zayn was standing up, stripping to go into the shower after Harry was finished. His eyes looked him up and down, and yeah, it was okay for Liam to appreciate his body. After all, he had slept with Zayn before, even if they were just friends. And once more, Liam didn't understand why Zayn chose to be with Perrie. Why was he settling?

Zayn was just so hard to figure out.

After a minute, Zayn looked up and noticed Liam staring, and gave a playful wink and grin, “Like what you see?”

Liam wiggled his eyebrow playfully, “Maybe.”

Zayn just chuckled, “You shouldn't be looking, you got your own man to watch over now, ya know. This fine ass is off limits.”

Liam laughed, liking how things still weren't awkward between them, that they could joke so openly about this, “Oh, that's okay. I already know what that 'fine ass' can do.”

Zayn barked out a hearty laugh, and oh did it surprise him, but it was nice to think that he was feeling better and not being so depressed. At least for now. “You had your chance, Li!” he called before shaking his head with a small smile and stepping into the bathroom as Harry walked out with a slightly confused expression.

“You had your chance for what, Li?”

Apparently Harry overheard that last part. Liam just shook his head and gave a smile, “Zayn and I were just joking around, is all.”

The youngest member gave his friend a serious look, like he was worried yet confused and mad at the same time and Liam chose to ignore whatever the hell it meant and just go get ready for the day.

The interview went smoothly, just as planned. Harry and Louis sat next to each other, and even though they weren't allowed to act like a couple, Harry did place his arm on the back of the couch, as if he was just getting comfortable and relaxed. When really, he wanted to allow Louis to get closer to him. Zayn talked briefly about his engagement to Perrie with a smile, and they all talked about upcoming events for their tour next year and a new studio album. They talked about the event taking place today, Niall and Liam piping in on the conversation, stating how happy they were to work with an organization raising funds for research on mental disabilities many young children (many of which happen to be cherished fans of theirs) live with everyday. Louis also addressed the rumour about him and Jesy, after a photo of them standing close and talking during the 'Zerrie' engagement. He laughed it off, stating how Jesy is a beautiful girl, but they're just friends and he didn't plan on becoming the second member of One Direction to date a Little Mix girl.

Which might upset management, but well, none of them cared.

After the brief interview, the boys got ready for the charity event. They spent time greeting their fans and their families, happy to be a part of the organization that dealt with children with special needs. A teen wheelchair user they happened to take a picture with daringly stole a kiss on Harry's cheek, to which he laughed, gave her a huge hug, and cheekily said, “You Sneaky girl! I like this one!” One boy around ten even started crying, and even though he couldn't fully speak and didn't like contact, he didn't put up a fuss when Niall slowly reached out to him and put his hands on his shoulder. Louis talked to the kid for a moment about football (or soccer) noticing the kids jersey he wore and said he thought it was cool the kid liked to play as well. The three of them took a cute little photo together Liam wished he could have asked for a copy of.

(Luckily Niall asked the lady to instagram it for him, and Liam would just look at it whenever he wanted to.)

After they were done with the meet and greet, the five of them got ready for the noon concert they were to put on for the charity event. The first three songs, Kiss You, One Thing, and Gotta be You, were going to be done back to back and then after wards the boys would talk for a moment about how happy they were to perform for the hospital that organized the event. For the next three songs, each had a slight introduction, starting with Midnight Memories, Story of My Life, and Best Song Ever. The next three songs were supposed to be slower and cute, starting off with Little Things, Truly Madly Deeply, and then the serious Moments. And the event would end with Teenage kicks (their charity single for red nose day, of course), Live While We're Young, and of course, What Makes You Beautiful. They got through the first songs no problem, singing well, and everything was going according to plan.

But well, it was on the cute and underrated Truly, Madly, Deeply, where Louis and Harry, quite possibly, made the biggest slip up in their entire careers.

It started off normally, the boys explaining how they all really liked this song, and Louis piping in saying he has had some of his greatest memories while singing this song. Harry piped in with a, “So have I.” and the two of them smiled at each other from across the stage. All of them were standing up, Liam in the middle with Zayn and Niall with his guitar on either side, and Harry on stage left while Louis was on stage right. And as Niall began strumming his guitar, Liam opened up the song with his beginning lines, grinning as he looked over at Niall to turn it over to his solo. And after Niall sang, Harry and Louis began the chorus, their voices loud and clear as they heard the crowd cheer loudly.

And as Liam looked in between the two of them, Harry's hands behind his back while Louis' dainty fingers wrapped around the mic stand, he realized the reason why the girls in the audience started a cheer as soon as the chorus started.

Harry and Louis were looking at each other.

“Truly, madly, deeply I am
Foolishly, completely falling
And somehow you kicked all my walls in
So baby say you'll always keep me
Truly, madly, crazy, deeply in love with you
In love with you”

Louis' eyes crinkled as Harry leaned into the mic and looked at Louis from across the stage with that breathtaking smile of his. It was obvious Louis was trying to hold back the grin on his face, but was failing miserably and he leaned into the mic as his cheeks turned pink. It happened to be one of the cutest moments that Liam had witnessed yet. Then he realized something: this song, the reason why they sang right now to each other... It was their song. When it came to Louis and Harry, their love was written all over their faces. Everyone knew, and that was one of the most frustrating things about it all. Why couldn't they just be together? So what if people would freak and it'd piss off management, they'd figure it out. He looked over at Niall and Zayn, who obviously were thinking the same thing.

And well, Liam was gonna do something about it.

When it came time for Liam's next solo, he took the mic off of his stand and walked towards Zayn as he sang, giving the crowd a playful wink as he tapped him on the shoulder. He stared at him for a second before Liam tilted his head in Niall and Harry's direction, hoping Zayn would get the hint. And luckily he did, and gave a grin before starting his solo, his face turning scarily serious.

“Wish I could freeze this moment in a frame and stay like this
or put this day back on replay and keep reliving it
Cause here's the tragic truth, if you don't feel the same
My heart would fall apart if someone said your name”

And Liam tried not to think about how or why Zayn looked at him when he sang the last line, a sad look on his face as he shoved Harry's mic in his hand and started pushing the confused popstar towards the middle. He had a terrible feeling, but chose to ignore it. This moment was going to be Harry and Louis'. Forever. And Liam wasn't going to let what ifs and other factors get in the way of the special gift he was going to give them.

Freedom. Liam no longer was going to allow his best friends to be locked in a cage. They were going to be free.

Free as a bird.

Liam was on the other side of the stage now, pushing a confused Louis from his designated spot with an encouraging grin as he egged him on. He pushed his friend's back lightly, the question obvious in Louis' voice as he sang the chorus. Harry's eyes widened as he realized exactly why Zayn and Liam were doing this, and suddenly he broke into a beautiful smile as he turned to look at his stunningly confused lover singing with him, glaring at Liam like he was going to bitch him out for not tell him what was going on as he pushed him closer and closer to him. Niall looked at the two of them back and forth, and once he realized what was going on a huge grin broke out on his face and he stepped out of the way, not messing up on the guitar once.

And when everything was in place and Louis ran into Harry, staring down at him like he was the most beautiful person he'd ever laid eyes on, Liam backed away and let them decide on what to do.

The children and teens in the crowd were cheering loudly now, and the three watching this all unfold could hear everyone backstage going crazy and trying to figure out what to do because the boys weren't listening and fucking everything up. But it was as if through all that noise, the only thing Louis could see, could hear, could feel... was Harry. And it was the same for Harry, staring down at this guy, who from the moment he'd met him, looked up to him. This man, who Harry admired and aspired to, who made him feel butterflies and as if he was a teenage girl, who he had felt so much pain and grief over, who was mischievous and beautiful and short and sassy, with a fantastic ass and a smile that made his eyes crinkle and disappear. This beautiful boy that he longed to kiss and hold and spend the rest of his life with, who had become such a big part of his life already, this man who was finally all his and he wanted everyone to know it, this being that helped Harry grow from a naïve boy into the person he was today, made mistakes with and fought and made love to so passionately when everything else around them seemed so wrong...

Louis.

And Louis could feel it, too. Everything that Harry felt toward him, it was as if all of those things were hitting him as well. From the moment he first met him, cute and innocent, younger and smaller, emotional and raw. With his untamed messy hair and his honest heart, all awkward and sweatpants, and perfect. To now, with tattoos and a big lips, curly hair perfect on his head and much more mature than he ought to be for his age. Flirtatious and hot, all lean and big hands. And not to mention he's grown, now so much taller than him and strong in his own way. He's serious yet fun, and still the caring soul who wore his heart on his sleeve. He had changed so much over the few years he's known him, they both had. But he was still in love with him, awkward, deep, quirkiness and all.

Harry.

Louis' hand went to grasp Harry's bicep, his thumb rubbing his arm gently as he stared into those beautiful green eyes. Then Harry's large hand grasped onto his forearm, pulling him closer as they stood in the middle of that stage, and there was no turning back and hiding any more. It was crazy, how all of this could happen in a single moment, a single glance. But they couldn't wait anymore, and Louis started tearing up as he sang his solo. To Harry, in front of all these people. This song that they sang together that first night, when they made love for the first time, exploring each others bodies and the feelings they had neglected for so long.

“I hope I'm not a casualty
I hope you wont get up and leave
Might not mean that much to you
But to me its everything”

Harry whispered quietly, his mic lowered as the hand on Louis' arm slowly went to caress his face. Louis felt his large thumb wipe away the tear that fell from his face. And his expression was so loving, so concerned and caring and overwhelming and all these others things and Louis just knew Harry was the only one for him.

“You're everything to me, Lou.”

And they kind of forgot to sing, dropping their mics with a loud popping noise and feedback. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's neck and Harry grabbed both sides of his face and they pulled each other in for a deep kiss, one that would change everything. There were gasps and cheers and boos from some of the older people in the audience but neither of them really cared, or seemed to notice. And it's not like the other three needed them to sing anyway, cause they knew the words.

So this corny, sweet, beautiful moment could be all theirs, for the world to see. And the band One Direction was starting change Directions, for the better. They could all picture it in their minds, helping out organizations like this, and then LGBT groups around the world, maybe Louis and Harry making a video telling their story. All five of them for equal rights, gaining fans and respect for being themselves. Using all this fame for good. And they'd still be a group, and things would change, but they wouldn't lose popularity. Not because Harry and Louis happened to be Truly, Madly, Deeply in love. And Liam could even picture their future, the two of them adopting or having a surrogate, little kids and band babies and them being voted cutest couple, or cutest family. “Larry” becoming the new “Bradgelina”. And people might not like it, but millions of others would love them. And all five of them could make a difference in the world.

And boy, was Liam happy for them.

When they heard the people backstage trying to figure out a way to cancel the whole show, Liam and Zayn tapped the two lovebirds on the shoulder to get their attention. It was only then did they seem to realize the exact consequences of their actions, and they pulled apart quickly with flushed faces as they stared at the audience with a panicked look. Niall's loud laughter broke through, and he looked over to the audience and grabbed the mics off the ground, speaking into one.

“Alright guys, now that the two lovebirds over here have seemed to finally get their act together and come out, we have a show to finish!” He grinned speaking to the audience, “I've never seen a cuter couple, have you guys?”

And all of the patients cheered, along with some of the adults clapping in approval or at least politeness.

Zayn smiled, “It just goes to show you, how much love and feeling like your doing something good can overcome a person. Love and hope go hand in hand, and all of us hope for a better tomorrow.”

Liam felt proud, to know that he helped this all happen. “We're all so happy to be here, and we're so glad to be putting on this performance for you all." 

They pat the two, now not-so secret lovers, on the back as the faced crowd with a smile and took a bow. They took their mics back from Niall, and Louis spoke with a grin on his face, “Our management might be ready to kill us right about now, but we promise to finish the show for you guys, okay? We're so happy to be here, so proud to be able to support such a cause. So thank you, every one of you!”

Harry smiled, grinning towards his lover. “I think it's time for Moments now, is it not?”

He nodded, a bright smile on his face, “Indeed it is, Harold!”

And the rest of the show went smoothly, without a single drop of tension in the air. It was as if the entire audience could feel it, the love and energy and everything seemed so... serene...

It was how Liam felt, every time he looked at Louis and Harry. Now, very shortly, the whole world would be able to feel it too. They'd be able to look at the two of them and go, 'so that's what real love looks like. Wow.' Maybe they all could help the world change for the better, if only a little. 'Larry Stylinson' was out in the open, and the two of them would go on to do amazing, great, and inspirational things.

And maybe, when all of the fame and buzz has slowed down, Liam and Niall could quietly come out as well. Maybe, if Niall and Liam lasted, they could just one day walk out the door and hold hands, and be a quiet, cute couple in their own right, without having to make such a big statement of love as their friends just did.

Maybe one day, love and hope wouldn't have to be such a big deal. That was the kind of feeling, the kind of hope only Harry and Louis were capable of giving. In that moment, that hope for a better tomorrow, for a greater future, was what every man, woman, and child at that hospital, had felt.

And that was pretty damn amazing, if you asked Liam.

Chapter Text

Needless to say, management had never been more infuriated in their entire lives.

But their was nothing they could do now. It only took about five minutes for the so called, “Larry Kiss,” to be plastered all over the internet and entertainment shows with pictures of the two kissing in each other arms. They wanted to claim that Louis and Harry were in violation of their contract, that all five of the boys were in violation because they went along with it. But the moment they got off stage at that charity concert, Paul had a huge grin and a white card in his hand, giving the card to Liam as he pulled Harry and Louis into his arms to give a huge hug, talking about how 'proud' he was of them.

Liam read the card, and once he called it he found out it was a number to a lawyer or attorney, specializing in strict, controlling contracts like this. Apparently this guy was good at finding loopholes, or claiming that some of the clauses or sections denied them basic human rights or whatever, Liam wasn't very good at this. But after putting him on speaker so all five could listen to what he had to say, he gained their trust, especially after Paul confirmed that yes, Simon was the one who gave him this number.

So even if Simon wasn't exactly happy with them, he was, in fact, on their side.

They walked into their management office the next day when their trip in New York was cut short, the Paparazzi flashing and yelling things like, “How long have you two had this affair?” and, “Is this why you broke up with your last girlfriend, Louis?” When they saw Harry and Louis holding hands. They didn't pay them any mind, except for when one very rude photographer yelled, “Faggots!” in their direction. Niall's eyes widened as he looked between Zayn and Liam, unsure of what to do. And Harry only turned around for a second before Louis turned him back around, putting an arm around his shoulder and ushering him in to the building.

“They aren't worth acknowledging, Harry.” Louis said calmly, hanging off of Harry's arm.

“I don't care, I'm not going to stand for anyone calling you that.” Harry responded bitterly.

“You think I like hearing them call us that?” Louis snapped, his voice raising as he stepped in front of his lover. The workers at Modest! looked at the two pop stars fighting, as the other three stood their awkwardly, “The moment I heard him say that God awful word I wanted to walk straight up to him punch that bastard's fucking smug and proud look off his face! But we can't do that Harry, don't you get it?”

“Hey, that's enough now, both of you.” Zayn intervened, stepping in between and putting the two a good arm's length from each other. “Stop arguing over stupid stuff like this, okay? It doesn't matter. Right now, the only people you can rely on to be there are each other. And me, Niall, and Liam too.”

Niall spoke lightly, “Not to mention the millions of fans who've given their support and backing already. Stupid people don't matter, guys.” He gave an encouraging smile, one that made all five of them relax.

Liam loved how Niall's smile could do that.

Harry and Louis went silent, Louis sighing and scratching his head before closing the gap between him and his lover. He stared up at Harry, into his green eyes and tried to convey how sorry he was to his lover. The younger bit his lip, and let his hand be taken by Louis' much smaller one.

Louis brought it to his mouth and kissed it softly, holding it close to his face before threading his fingers with Harry once more, “I'm sorry for yelling at you.”

Harry smiled, a shy dimple showing through, “It's alright, Lou. Love you.”

The shorter male grinned, and Liam rushed them all to the main office.

Simon was waiting for them, and it didn't take long for Simon to be lecturing about how stupid, how childish it was for Harry and Louis to do something so dramatic and a cliched kiss at a concert, and the others boys instigating it. He scolded them for not thinking about how people might find it tasteless or selfish to do that at a charity event no less (although that's not at all what the boys were aiming for). Or not consulting him first at the very least. The five boys sat in their seats, looking up at Simon like lost, hurt puppies as Griffiths and Magee tried to hide the smug look on their faces. But the expression didn't last long, once Simon took a deep breath and gave a small, genuine smile, one not many see.

“But I'm proud all of you stood up for what you thought was right. We'll have major damage control, and you'll all be busy doing interviews and press statements, but... We'll get through it, you idiots.”

Niall laughed loudly and went to pat Harry and Louis on the back, who looked like they were still in shock. “Jesus, Simon! You worried me there for a little bit! Thought you'd threaten to get rid of us or something. We love our favorite little gay couple, don't we Li, Zayn?” He pulled the two into a hug, and and it seemed like in that moment everything just felt... right. It was as if all the stress washed away, and Liam and Zayn only looked at each other for a second before joining Niall and giving the two boyfriends a group hug.

After that, they all had a serious conversation, deciding on what talk shows and which Radio host to do interviews with, what twitter statements to send out, what all would be a good day to do press photos... As much as they didn't want to do it, all five of them knew that it was a necessary step, and to remind all of their fans how much they loved them along the way. With three boys off the market, two now openly in a relationship with each other, they knew things would have a rough start.

They decided to give the first interview on BBC radio to Scott Mills, since all the boys knew him anyway and he was openly gay himself. A rather safe choice, but it was what they needed right now. After that, do a few magazine interviews, then the talks shows, going with Ellen DeGeneres first in America just because she seemed like a safe first choice. Harry and Louis sent out Twitter statements confirming the truth (like it wasn't already) from their phone right now, Louis' saying a super sweet message mentioning Eleanor's tweet a few months ago.

El was totally right. Love is Love, and thanks for giving me the strength to show it. Love you, @Harry_Styles

Harry's was a short a simple reply: @Louis_Tomlinson Love you too, Boo Xxx

And then he tagged along as another message, just because he could, Feels good to finally tell everyone. Hope this doesn't change a thing, love all you guys and we couldn't have the strength to do this without you

Larry Stylinson was number one trending in the world in seconds, and while some messages were negative, calling them faggots or queers or just plain cruel words, thousands more were so supportive, from their fans and from famous Gay Celebrities like Ellen, Neil Patrick Harris, and Sir Elton John. Many other straight Celebrities, Olly Murs saying about time, Danny O' Donoghue, Cher, Rihanna, Adam Levine... And of course Lady Gaga went on a rant about how beautiful it was and proud she was that two young, famous celebrities found courage and were great role models (Honestly, the boys loved her and her eccentricity). The most surprising tweet was probably from Taylor Swift, congratulating the two and saying she was on their side, and that she hoped Harry found the right one. It seemed awkwardly written, but Harry was just hoping that maybe things wouldn't be so awkward between the two of them (and she'd be kinder with the material she writes). 

And he immediately responded, Thanks Taylor. Means a lot :)

The two of them were looking through their supportive tweets they'd gotten, like Ed's simple Congrats! And Nick's WHAT WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN WHY HAVE YOU NEVER TOLD ME HAROLD with big smiles on their faces, while Liam took over figuring out scheduling and planning for who they should speak with first. Niall sat there taking a picture of the the couple on the sofa, cuddling up while reading text messages and Zayn in the background on his phone, and instagramed it, giving it the description, Reading all your amazing tweets right now. Love all you crazy Mofos.

“I think that's all we have for now.” Simon sighed. Liam was grateful they didn't need to use the Attorney as a force of threat, as apparently Simon worked everything out and their contracts (especially Louis', the poor guys still had the clause about Eleanor in there) would be revised. But it definitely a number Liam kept in his phone just in case. “We'll start everything tomorrow, with Paul Mills, but how about when you leave the five of you try to stay out of trouble as much as possible? But I guess now that the two of you are out to the public you can go out and do whatever together... Try to get some positive publicity, don't pay attention or get mad at the Paparazzi, okay? Just look happy and domestic, go out on a date, buy groceries, do something... happy.”

Louis grinned from ear to ear, “That most certainly can be arranged. Thanks so much Simon, it means a lot.”

“No problem boys.”

So that's what they did, Harry and Louis walking out of the building hand in hand and deciding to go and get some food for dinner. They probably should of had some sort of security, but neither of them really cared. They said good bye to the boys, then looked at each other with the same happy, disbelieving expression before walking in the direction of the nearest supermarket, Louis' head leaning into Harry's shoulder.

Liam noticed Niall watching them walk away, a sad, loving smile on his face. And Liam could feel it, the dull ache currently in the Irishman's chest and put an arm around his shoulder, “You okay?” He asked, giving him a concerned look. He knew this must not be easy for him, after everything that happened between Harry and him. And as much as Liam didn't want to think about it, he couldn't just ignore it. Niall was still healing, and he needed someone, like Liam to be there for him.

The blonde nodded, taking in a deep breath before exhaling. “Yeah, I'm okay.” His voice shook, making Liam squeeze his shoulder tighter in comfort. “Just... Bittersweet, is all. I'm happy for them, ya know? Just- a little overwhelming.”

Liam smiled, “That's understandable. You loved him for so long.”

“Yeah,” Niall agreed, but turned to give Liam a huge, playful grin, “But I think I'm ready, to move on now.”

He stared into those stormy, blue eyes, and couldn't help but wish he'd be able to see those for the rest of his life, “I'll be here.”

Niall bit his lip, trying to suppress his grin, but he couldn't. And Liam didn't want him too anyway. All he wanted to do was get back to their home, so he could kiss Niall senseless on their couch while watch stupid action movies and letting the dinner burn on the stove.

(Well, he wanted to do other things as well, like fulfill all those promises he made to Niall over the phone a few days ago, but that could wait until Niall was ready.)

Zayn coughed loudly to get their attention, “Well, I'm going to go, okay? I'll see you guys tomorrow, I wanna go buy some cigarettes, maybe get a drink or two.”

Liam turned his attention over to Zayn, and gave him a small smile, “Perrie's in the US with the rest of the girls huh? Crazy how we have to come back to the UK the moment she leaves.”

Zayn shrugs, “It's no big deal. I'll call her up if I feel like it, and she'll text me when she gets a chance anyway.”

Liam sighed, feeling bad for his friend. Besides the fact he was going along with a marriage he didn't want, he also must feel very lonely, left out.. like a third wheel. But he didn't know what to do. Zayn wouldn't open up, to anyone. How could he help if he didn't know what was wrong?

“Hey, Zayn,” Niall spoke up, “Do you wanna come with us? We can all sit down and have a beer together, watch a movie or play some fifa. Whatever.” He pat his friend on the shoulder, getting just a hint of a smile out of the Pakistani boy.

“Yeah,” Liam nodded, “You can always chill with us.”

Zayn shrugged, “Nah, it's cool. Think I'd much rather hit a pub or something. Besides, you two probably wanna get home anyway,” he gave a sly wink, making Niall blush and Liam chuckle, “Don't want me around to get in the way.”

As they said goodbye and Zayn walked off in the direction of his car, Liam wondered if he planned on cheating on Perrie again. Well, technically it wasn't cheating if their relationship was open but... If they were getting married, that's pretty exclusive, right? And why was Zayn so depressed? Liam could see it in his eyes, those dark eyes held so much pain... So why did he pretend there was nothing wrong?

“You okay, Li?” Niall asked, walking over to place a hand on his shoulder like Liam had just done for him moments ago.

“I'm alright. Just,” Liam paused, sighing, “I think I might give Perrie a call sometime... Zayn just hasn't been himself lately, I wonder if she knows anything.”

Niall nodded, “I agree. He's been odd these past few days... If anyone knew anything, it'd be her. I swear, she's so sweet. She loves Zayn so much. But... I never thought they'd actually get married.”

Liam shook his head as he led Niall to his car, “To be honest, I still don't think they will.”

“Why?” Niall asked, wondering why Liam would say such a thing as they got in the car.

Liam sighed, getting into his car and starting the engine. He chose not to answer that question, but it seemed like he didn't need to. Niall understood.

Perrie wouldn't allow it, not if Zayn was unhappy.

Zayn stood outside an old bar, one the he hadn't been to in a long time, and lit up a cigarette in his hand. The owner knew who he really was, but it wasn't a problem keeping his secret because he'd known him for a long time. In fact, he was the older brother of the man he'd lost his virginity to, so he knew Zayn on a more personal level than he'd like to admit. But at least it made him keep quiet about who he really was and call him “Danny” whenever he came by, so people didn't think he could possibly be anyone else. And whenever someone tried to say, “You look a lot like that guy from this one boy band...” He just always smirks and says, “Yeah, I get that a lot. But I wouldn't be stuck trying to pick up boys in a gay bar if I was.”

You'd be surprised how well that line worked for him. Because it always got the guy laughing, and if he was cute enough, it'd be real easy for Zayn to convince the guy to take him back to his place. Never Zayn's, because it was too nice for someone drinking cheap alcohol in a gay bar, and Perrie had too much stuff lying around for it to look like he was some gay bachelor wanting a one night stand.

He leaned against the back door, pulling his coat tighter to him to keep out the chilling night air and took a long drag on his cigarette. He had been sitting at the bar for a good hour, nursing a drink or two to loosen him up but not be drunk, and sure, a few boys looked over at him and gave him a wink or two, but none of them interested Zayn enough to actually sleep with. He began to think tonight would be a bust, and it probably should be anyway, considering he had somewhere to be tomorrow.

But he wondered if maybe the reason why they all just didn't seem appealing to him, was because the last man Zayn slept with was Liam fucking Payne, the most gorgeous and talented man on the planet. In more ways than one...

Damn it, why did he do this to himself?

He inhaled the cigarette in his hand deeply once more, and let the smoke pool deep in his lungs before giving a slow exhale and releasing the toxic fumes from his body. He was just thinking about going back inside, before he heard a slight shuffling of feet and a loud grunt from down the alley way. And normally, Zayn wouldn't try to be a hero, let whoever was in trouble figure it out themselves. But he felt charitable tonight, and perhaps even a little reckless and stupid.

So he started walking down the alley, making the first left when he heard a boyish yelp and a deep laugh that made even Zayn uncomfortable. This wasn't the safest area, Zayn knew that much, but he honestly had never seen anything more than a few drunks or the occasional stoner. So coming face to face with a strong, thirty-year-old pinning a young boy who couldn't have been any older than Zayn himself wasn't something he was expecting. He couldn't make out any major facial features in the dark like this, but it was obvious that the younger was panicked and unable to move.

“Wait, stop! I- I changed my mind, I don't want to do this anymore!” He heard the younger boy cry out, trying his hardest to squirm out of his grip. It wasn't that he seemed particularly weak, but he definitely was overpowered and Zayn didn't know why he was even here in the first place. Why did he have to be the damn hero? Why couldn't he have just gone back inside, find a decent looking bloke to fuck and then be on his way, not even giving this a second thought?

Because he had a fucking conscious, that's why.

“Oh come on, baby, I know you want it. Just shut up and relax, okay?”

God, this sounded like some bad, cheesy movie where the girl is about to get raped by some creep but gets saved just in time by the handsome hero and sweeps her off her feet. But their were some key differences, the first being this was in fact a guy, a little younger than Zayn being pinned up against the brick wall of an alleyway by an attractive yet older guy who probably just had a little too much to drink and Zayn was no hero.

“No, please, just stop-” The younger started to beg and Zayn could faintly hear the sound of a zipper being undone and his pullover being ripped slightly. The older of the two began mouthing at his collarbone in a rather obscene manner and he could see the younger's resolve weakening in his movements, as if accepting the fact that he was going to be taken advantage of in the alleyway of a Godforsaken gay bar. And Zayn just couldn't let that happen, he couldn't have that guilt in the back of his mind.

He walked the few steps left to where the two were, grabbing the older man buy the shoulder and pulling him off roughly. Zayn was glad he caught the guy off guard, punching him square in the face repeatedly so he didn't have the chance to fight back. After the fifth hit to his temple or so, Zayn finally pushed the drunk away from him, letting the guy stagger and run off as Zayn yelled after him, “You better fucking run! Don't be coming back here, ya here me?”

And wow, that felt pretty good.

Zayn turned to looked over at the boy he just saved, now sitting on the ground with his knees pulled in, gentle brown eyes widened in shock as he breathed heavily. And Zayn couldn't blame him, after all he had just been pressed up on a brick wall against his will and was currently on the cold cement with his shirt and fly ripped open. He knelt down, asking him cautiously, “Are you okay?” before actually meeting his eyes and actually register who exactly this person was.

His lips were nice and sweet looking, a light pink color that Zayn was pretty sure no lipstick shade could ever hope of replicating. His hair was brown and wavy, sitting on his head and reminding him of something Harry's curls used to do, but not quite. His eyes held something like a cross between honesty and innocence, along with a bit of familiarity that Zayn was almost uncomfortable with. And then he realized, that he must have seen him somewhere, met this kid before. In fact, he was pretty damn sure this guy knew Zayn. Especially with the way he gasped in surprise.

“Zayn?” He spoke in disbelief, like he couldn't possibly have just been saved from getting taken advantage of by Zayn Malik of One Direction. And it only took a few more seconds for Zayn to remember who this guy was, a singer like himself, only a few months younger than him.

“You're... You're George, right?”

Not nearly as famous, but still someone who could be recognized and torn apart by the paparazzi if they ever found him like this. And Zayn couldn't believe, that someone who was just getting their career started, someone who had a lot at stake and obviously couldn't take care of himself, would be roaming around a bad area of London and trying to pick up guys from a gay bar. “What the fuck are you doing here? Don't you see how dangerous this area can be? And what if anyone saw you here, I don't think you're band mates would appreciate that!”

“I could say the same for you!” George barked back, and well, he did have a point. Zayn was probably just about, if not more stupid.

“I'm not the one following drunks who obviously are stronger than me down an alleyway and then actually being surprised when the guy tries to force himself on me. Honestly, are you that stupid?”

George bit his lip, and Zayn's eyes darted only for a second at his mouth before going back up to meet his eyes, which turned out to be just as bad. Because fuck, he didn't know if it was the heat of the moment or what, but the boy looked really good right now. And if George Shelley was looking good to him, he must really be sexually frustrated.

Damn it Zayn, get yourself together.

George sighed, and Zayn watched the way his chest moved up and down, the air so cold you could see every hot breath he took. He cheeks were tinted pink and he shyly looked away from Zayn, obviously uncomfortable with the lack of distance between them. “I'm sorry...” he said quietly, and his hand went to touch the spot on his neck the creep was so rudely mouthing at seconds ago.

And shit, Zayn didn't mean to make him feel bad.

“Hey,” He spoke quietly, reaching out to the boy band member and giving him a gentle squeeze on the arm. He wasn't very good at this, but he felt bad for making the kid look as if he was about to cry, “Don't apologize... Look at you, you must be freezing. Why don't we go inside to talk? I'll find us a booth in the back to sit at and no one will bother us, okay?”

For a second Zayn thought he was going to say no, the way he bit his lip and took a little too long to think about it. But finally he nodded his head, and Zayn grab his hand to help George up from the ground, and the two of them walked around the corner and through the back door after George fixed himself with a slight flush, the silence between them a little too awkward for Zayn's liking.

He walked by the bar, stopping when he got to the owner standing behind it, and gestured his head toward George, “This is John, make sure no one comes over and bothers us, okay Tony?”

The man looked over at George, and it was obvious he recognized him from at least the television or something, but he kept his mouth shut and nodded. After their short exchange, Zayn looked over at George, telling the younger to follow him to a booth in the back, closest to the employees only section.

After they both sat down with a pint in each hand, George taking a small sip and Zayn letting his grow warm, George finally sighed, and looked up at Zayn to explain himself, “I... I guess I just wanted to know what it was like, being with a guy...”

“So you decided to come to a shady place in town and find the most drunk person you could?” Zayn chuckled. But he wasn't laughing long, not when he saw the frown on George's face.

“Shut up, it's not like that. I asked Jaymi what he thought, like, I asked him for advice. Because Jaymi is gay and all...” It took a bit to remember that Jaymi was also a member of their boyband, openly gay and has been in a committed relationship for years now. “And he said that he would have-” George blushed, and Zayn could tell what he was about to say, “He said he would have, you know, helped me out but he's with Olly and all, so he suggested that I'd just go out and have fun, ya know? Like, it wouldn't be that big of a deal, me going to bar, having a few drinks, finding a nice guy and just... letting go.”

It was almost endearing, how George was embarrassed to straight out say his band mate would have fucked him if he wasn't dating someone else. Or that he was trying to pick up a guy from a bar. “So you had to choose the worst place in town to pick up good guys?”

“Well, it's the only place that I thought people wouldn't recognize me, and I was right. That's why you're here too, right?” George asked, and well, Zayn took another sip of his beer, because what could he say? He was right. “And besides, why are you here anyway? Aren't you dating Perrie? Didn't I hear that you two were supposed to get married?”

Zayn choked on his beer. Oh shit, that was right, George didn't know about him and Perrie, that this was something Zayn did all the time, “It's not that serious, George-”

“Not that serious?” George hissed, looking at Zayn with disgust, “You're fucking engaged, Zayn, to one of the most beautiful girls I've met and you're picking up random guys from a gay bar while she's in America? What the fuck is wrong with you, Zayn? How could you do that, like what- are you even gay?”

“If you'd shut up and let me explain, George, then maybe I could fucking tell you!” He yelled, probably a bit too loud, but it made George go silent and meek, looking at his lap and taking another drink from his cup. Damn it... why did he always have to make people scared of him? “Kay... Perrie is my best friend, George. At first it was just fooling around, ya know? She and I would screw around when we could and it was a best friend sort of deal. The way we even started dating was because people saw me and her together and it was assumed, so we went along with it. I care about her and she cares about me, but not because I'm in love with her. She's-”

Zayn paused, trying to think of how he could put this. There were just so many words, so many things he wanted to say, but couldn't. How could he make this boy, who he'd never had a decent conversation with before tonight, understand just what it was about Perrie? Why did he even feel obligated to tell him any of this? It wasn't his business. But there was just something about those eyes, those light brown eyes that were so honest and sweet, something that just seemed so familiar and like home.

“She's the best thing that's ever happened to me, George. She's always there for me, and I do love her. Love is complicated though. You can love someone, and not be in love with them. You can have a soul mate, but they aren't necessarily your spouse. You can treat someone like trash, when they're the one you care about the most. You can tell someone to date a person, say you know that they would fall in love and be happy together, but really want them to fall in love with you...”

Zayn stared at his glass, still mostly full. He couldn't help but picture her, blonde hair up, in a long flowing white dress with a sad smile on her face. “And Perrie, I know she deserves more... God, she could do so much better than a guy who can't even love her the way she deserves. I'm selfish, I want to still sleep around and not be domestic and finally fall in love with someone who will love me as much as I do them. But Perrie... she won't leave. She understands I don't love her the same way, and it's as if she's completely okay with it. She doesn't care that I might fall in love with someone other than her, and she knows that I can't be the perfect husband and give her tons of kids or any shit like that. But she never leaves me, no matter how much I tell her she should, or how many times I say she deserves better. So I thought,” he sighed, tapping his fingers against the wooden table. “Marrying her is the least I could do for her. It's what she wants, and I realized that I can give at least that much of me to her.”

George was silent, as if letting his brain process the honest and intense answer Zayn just gave him. And he knew he said too much, that George probably wasn't even interested to know all this and it wasn't his business. But it had just felt so good to get that all off his chest, and tell it to someone who wasn't Liam. And it didn't seem like George judged him either, a small smile forming on those girly lips.

“Zayn, Perrie loves you because you're a good person, and she doesn't like to see you upset. That's why she stays around, not for her, but because you need her. All she wants is to see you happy Zayn, whether that be as a friend, as a wife, or just a watcher from afar. She may love you, and she may wish that she could be your bride, but only if you want it, too. But she'd much rather see you happy with someone else than settle for her.”

And yeah, these were all things Zayn knew, deep down. But hearing them from someone else, hearing them from George right now, made it seem real. But as real as they seemed, it could never be true. He sighed, and took a sip of his beer. “George, I'm not going to ever be with the one I fall in love with. And if I'm not going to be with my true love, Perrie at least deserves to be with hers.”

Zayn knew it was coming the moment he saw George bite his lip and meet Zayn's dark eyes with his own. He couldn't even pretend that he was surprised, when George leaned across the table and placed his hand comforting on his, squeezing it tight. But what did shock him, was what he said next.

“Zayn, you're worth more than you think. Stop selling yourself short.”

And those words didn't seem to sting as much anymore.

Only a minute had passed before Zayn asked if George if he wanted to get out of here, maybe hang out at his place for awhile and 'talk' in private, where they could be a little bit louder and not have to worry about someone recognizing them. It was all pretense, they both knew it, but it only took a few seconds for George to give a slight nod and they were on their way.

The ride to Zayn's flat was silent, George looking out the window the entire time with his arms crossed and biting his nail, and Zayn only kind of paying attention to the road while watching George's movements out of the corner of his eye. He could tell the boy was nervous, could see the excited yet terrified look in his eye, and knew that he'd have to start it. Otherwise they'd both be just sitting on his couch all night in thick sexual tension as they stared at one another.

Once they pulled up to the place and made their way inside, Zayn offered him a drink. George turned him down, shaking his head and Zayn knew this was going to be awkward at first, but for some reason, he didn't mind. They made their way over to the couch, Zayn putting on a movie that was more for comfort than to be watched, and let the two of them sit in silence for about fifteen minutes before deciding it was time to make his move.

He placed a hand gently on top of George's upper thigh, and could instantly feel the way he tensed under his touch. But he coerced him slowly to relax, rubbing his thigh back and forth and heard him release a breath he probably didn't know he held onto. After a minute or so of that, Zayn decided to finally look at the up and coming popstar, and was pleased to see the deep blush and obvious arousal apparent on his face, and through his tight jeans. He leaned over, letting his thumb start massaging his hip, just underneath the hem of his jumper. He met George's eyes, those light brown now dark and dilated, before leaning in to kiss his cheek first, his neck, then sliding his now ripped jumper just off his shoulder to kiss him gently in the same spot that drunkard did earlier. But this time, George wasn't saying no, and instead was moaning and panting like an inexperienced virgin. Zayn pushed him down gently, George now laying underneath him and gasping for breath as he gripped onto the back of Zayn's jacket. And once Zayn was finished leaving a dark bruise right on the spot where his neck and shoulder met, he came up and took in George's flushed features.

And God, this boy was beautiful.

“This is your first time, right?” He asked.

George blushed, and Zayn swore he'd never met a guy who got as embarrassed as he did, “W-well,” He stuttered, “I've slept with girls before, but no, not... guys...” He looked scared, panicked as he stared up at Zayn, and it worried him. He didn't want to do anything George was uncomfortable with, even if he himself was rock hard and dying to get laid.

He sat up, and George followed, looking guilty or like he did something wrong. “Listen George,” Zayn began, “We don't have to do anything you don't-”

“No!” George interrupted quickly, earning himself a small smirk from Zayn. He suddenly began stammering, shocked he had rejected the idea so quickly, “I- I want to. Just... maybe not on your couch?”

And Zayn chuckled, standing up and grabbing a hold of the younger's hand. It was crazy to think, that they were only a few months apart and George seemed so much more fragile than him. “Sure thing, I'll take you to my room, okay?” He led the shy boy to his room, and shut the door behind them.

He let George take in his surroundings for a second, and yes, he realized there was still evidence of Perrie all throughout the room. He watched the boy walk over to his bed and pick up a small jacket, one that obviously didn't belong to Zayn and he wondered what George could possibly be thinking as he held it in his hands. Did he think any less of Zayn, knowing that Perrie herself must have slept with him in this bed many times, the same one George will be? It made the moment rather surreal, he supposed. But Zayn didn't want to give time for George to think, and walked over to wrap his arms around his waist and give a kiss to the boy's neck. After that, it was easy to make him let go, dropping the jean jacket on the ground along with the rest of his resolve.

It wasn't long until both of them were naked, George shaking underneath him on the bed and biting his lip at the intense friction of their bare hips rutting against each other. After a few minutes of this, Zayn decided it was time to reach into his dresser and get out the lube and condom from the drawer.

Then Zayn towered above him, looking down at the boy blushing like a bride and asked him quietly, “This okay?”

He nodded, “Suppose I should find some way of thanking you for saving me today.”

It was a bad attempt at a joke, but Zayn laughed anyway, and lowered himself down to begin prepping George. As he spread George's legs apart and squirted some lubricant onto his fingers, he heard George's charming voice speak up, “Wait.”

Zayn looked up to meet his scared gaze, selfishly hoping that George wouldn't be backing out now.

“Please...” He pleaded, “Be gentle.”

Zayn gave him a sweet smile, and lifted George's leg up to kiss his inner thigh softly, as if that was his answer.

Chapter Text

When Zayn woke up the next morning, he woke up with the feeling of regret.

For one, he could hear Liam yelling at him, “Zayn, wake up, we gotta go!” from the other side of his bedroom door. Which made him regret giving him a key to his house anyway, and for staying up so late. Then, he rolled over and noticed the extra lump in his bed, with brown, wavy locks of hair and oh that's right he took freaking George Shelley of Union J home with him last night. Not only did he break one of his most important rules by bringing a guy back to his place, but he practically laid his entire soul out on the table for him, took the kid's, well, 'backdoor' virginity. And then, after almost an hour of that mind blowing pleasure and George moaning and eagerly pushing back against him, he let the pop star actually spend the night.

There were other options; Zayn could have gotten his lazy ass dressed and drove George back to his place, or at least tell him that there was a guest bedroom down the hall or fucking do something other than let the kid stay in his fucking bed. But he didn't think about any of this last night, half asleep and not only physically but mentally worn out as well. He cursed under his breath as he got out of bed quickly, running over to his dresser for clothes and yelling, “I'm getting dressed right now, Li!” as he slipped on his pants.

“You better hurry up, we're already going to be five minutes late!”

And God, did Zayn love that voice but right now he did not want to fucking hear it. Not when he was currently doing the shameful dance of trying to put on last nights trousers (because he couldn't find a clean pair) while staring at a now fulling awake George Shelley, mumbling a low, “Good morning,” and sitting up in his bed, looking at him with the biggest smile and those dopey eyes and no no no no no this was not good. He nearly tripped on his pant leg, making the younger boy fucking giggle and Zayn did his best to tell him to shut up, running over with his trousers unbuttoned and placing a finger on the boy's mouth. He shushed him harshly, and it succeeded in making him quiet. But that ended up causing an entirely different problem because George was now tinted a fine pink and looking back and forth between Zayn's lips and his finger placed on his mouth and practically gulping for air.

He whispered firmly to the boy, “Be quiet, Liam's just outside this door.”

George nodded quickly, trying to bite back a smile, “You gotta leave so early?”

Zayn nodded, not quite sure what else to say. He took a plan t-shirt from his closet and grabbed a coat, buttoning it up quickly. His hair was an absolute mess, but considering he had sex the night before and had literally no time to get ready at all, he was looking somewhat decent. He went to put on socks and shoes, hearing Liam's incessant knocking on his door and another call of, “Zayn, I can't believe you sometimes,” followed by George's silky voice, quiet and innocent.

“Last night was amazing, Zayn.”

Zayn looked up from his shoes, watching as the boy failed at containing his grin, naked and hands folded on his lap where the not-so-white-anymore comforter covered him up. He looked up at Zayn with nervous yet endearing eyes and brought a hand to cover up his smile and oh no. What had he done?

“R-Right,” He answered nervously, not wanting to give the wrong impression but not wanting to be mean either.

“I mean it, thank you, for everything... Even if you have to leave early.” George yawned, stretching his arms out before returning them back to his lap. Zayn finished tying his shoes and fixed his collar, giving himself a once over in the mirror before hearing George once more, a bit shy and almost worried this time.

“Do you...” he began, “Should I get dressed right now too? I mean, I understand if you want me to leave when you do. It's your flat and all.”

Zayn thought for a minute about it, and even though it'd probably be a better idea to kick him out now, shook his head. “No, go right ahead and sleep in a little more. I should have some form of breakfast in the fridge and you probably will want to take a shower before you leave. I trust you to lock the door and find a way to sneak out without causing a scene. Okay?”

George nodded, seeming relieved he didn't have go so soon. “Okay, I like sleeping in your bed anyway.”

Zayn chuckled, feeling rather awkward. He was about to say goodbye, before he realized Liam was now trying to turn the locked doorknob to his room and fuck- “Zayn, who are you talking to?”

It was a warning if Zayn's ever heard one, Jesus Christ. “No one!” He yelled back, and was about to leave before realizing he had no idea where his cell phone was. He patted down the pockets in his jeans before realizing his cell phone was indeed not there. Then, he heard a small, “oh!” sound come from George, as if he realized what Zayn was looking for and grabbed the phone off of the bedside table.

“Here,” George gave a smile and handed him the phone. Zayn was about to say thank you, but George suddenly stuttered out something that made Zayn feel very... well, bad about.

“I put my number in there... In case you wanted to chat with anyone when you get the chance, or maybe hang out sometime.”

He looked up at Zayn with a nervous yet hopeful expression, and he knew he should have shot him down right then and there. But Zayn was just so tired and Liam was waiting for him outside the door, probably already knowing that Zayn had someone in the room with him that wasn't Perrie, and he honestly didn't have the time to explain everything.

God, what a lame excuse.

“Sure, maybe,” he said quickly, “I gotta go. See you later, Shelley.”

“See you later, Malik.” George grinned, and fuck, why did he have to say see you later?

He gave a small wave before walking out his bedroom door and shutting it behind him, careful not to let Liam see the bed. But it didn't seem to help any, because as soon as Zayn looked at Liam he was greeted with a deep frown and crossed arms.

“Who's in there, Zayn?” He demanded to know, and well, that sort of bothered him. Liam was always judging him lately, getting upset whenever it came to Perrie or other people he slept with and always assuming Zayn was depressed all the time just because things are changing in a way that's scary and new for all of them, and he didn't like it. In fact, as much as he was in love with Liam, he pissed him off even more.

“None of your fucking business,” He spat.

And well, it really wasn't.

So he just left a confused and slightly hurt Liam to follow behind him as he began walking outside and to the van. When they got inside, it was obvious to the other three the blatant tension between the two of them. But Zayn could be bothered to care. He had more important things to worry about than if Liam fucking Payne was a little upset over Zayn being fed up with him.

Like how in the world was he going to deal with the lovestruck twenty year old laying naked in his bed.

He'd like to start with that problem first.

George sat on the couch, scrolling through twitter and his knees tucked close to his body on this break. Jaymi sat beside him, glancing down at his phone before looking over at his band mate and he knew the his friend was just dying to ask him if George actually went through with it. It was kind of obvious, by the way George limped into the studio late this morning with the biggest grin on his face and perhaps a little too happy. It was the tell-tale signs of getting laid, but none of them wanted to think of their little Georgey having just gotten back from a nightly escapade.

He smiled to himself, pressing the 'follow' button right next to Zayn's name. He couldn't help his mind from wandering to the rival boyband member, and how gentle and sweet and rough last night had been. Zayn Malik had literally rocked his world last night and oh God, he didn't know what was going on. He felt like a teenage girl with a hopeless crush, remembering how he'd basically saved George from getting raped in an alleyway and the way his eyes looked so honest and sincere when talking about Perrie and his strange, not-so-platonic yet understandable love for her, and how upset he looked thinking he'd never get to be with his true love. And George just wanted to say, “You could be with me.” But then decided to settle on the whole don't sell yourself short thing, because it was honest AND not nearly as creepy.

God, he was so gone for Zayn.

“Alright, George, what's so funny?” Jaymi spoke up, a big grin on his face as he invaded George's personal space. “I've been sitting here for the past ten minutes just watching you smile at your phone like you've just lost your mind and I wanna know why you were late and everything else! Come on, Georgey, tell me.” He wined, and well, George couldn't stop himself from laughing, fixing his hair and hiding his phone for no apparent reason. He watched JJ and Josh look at each other and sigh, though he didn't know why they were complaining when it was obvious they wanted to know too.

“Well,” He bit his lip, looking at Jaymi nervously while hugging his knees. “I... took your advice, Jaymi.”

Said man's eyes widened comically, as Josh and JJ gave each other a confused look. Of course they'd be confused, George hadn't told them a thing about the tips he'd asked from Jaymi. Mostly because he wasn't sure at the time, and Jaymi was his closest gay friend and therefore more qualified to give him advice. “You did?!” Jaymi asked excitedly, “How'd it go, tell me everything!”

George playfully scolded him, as he was smiling too big too big to ever take seriously, “It was rather shit to be honest, if I hadn't been found last night I probably would still be in the back of an alleyway in much worse shape than I am now.”

Jaymi's expression turned serious, “What are you talking about, George, did someone hurt you?” making the younger frown because he didn't want to make his band mates to worry about him.

“No, no one hurt me Jaymi...” He shook his head, “I mean, some guy who was a little drunk got a bit handy and I didn't know how to get him to stop, but it wasn't a problem, someone helped me out before it got too serious.”

Jaymi sighed in relief. “Good,” He said, before giving a wink, “So, someone helped you, eh?”

George blushed, thinking of how Zayn just punched that guy in the face so easily, and his hard, lecturing attitude and his soft, gentle tone when he caressed and kissed his thigh, nearly making his heart stop because he could feel his fucking beard tickle the innermost part of his thighs and he was getting hard just from the memory of it. He pulled his legs closer to his chest (if that was even possible) and rested his head on top of his knees and he tried not to grin and hid his face.

“Yeah, someone did help me.”

“And are you sure they weren't anything like that other guy?” He asked his friend cautiously.

“Of course!” George nodded, “The first thing he did was lecture me about how stupid it was for me to be out there in the first place. And well, he was kinda right.”

“And did you two... talk about anything, in particular?”

George could hear the innuendo in his voice, but chose to answer the question seriously, “Yeah... Why I was there, why he was there... How crazy love can be or feel... and just stuff.”

Jaymi grinned, “So, what next...?”

George could feel himself sigh happily, thinking of the way he could actually feel the spark when he held Zayn's hand at that table, the way Zayn's mouth was all over his body last night, in places George once thought a mouth should never go and now only wanting it there all the time. The way Zayn finally kissed his lips as he sheathed himself deep inside him, trying to distract him for the dull pain in his backside until it became immense pleasure and George wondered why he was even nervous in the first place.

He wondered if Zayn felt all that too.

George blushed shyly, and a hand went to caress the love bit on his collarbone Zayn left at the beginning of the night, as if his bruise was like a band aid or antiseptic for the place that drunk had mouthed at so lewdly. It wasn't visible, because George may or may not have stolen a jumper out of Zayn's wardrobe (in his defense, his sweater had been practically ripped apart, first by that guy and then Zayn finishing the job and actually tearing the already ruined sweater off his body as he went down), but the mark was certainly still there. He could feel Jaymi's eyes on him but he was so long gone, daydreaming about Zayn and his perfect hair and the way he felt like he was completely engulfed in Zayn right now, having used his own body wash and hair products in the shower (avoiding anything obviously Perrie's) and even wearing his clothes and it might be creepy but George would tell you it really wasn't creepy at all. He just had the best night of his life because he'd never felt like this before, and Zayn's openness about his life and his gentle touch and his dark beard were all a really big turn on for George. And it was rather cute this morning, when Zayn was all flustered and panicked because Liam Payne had been standing outside his bedroom door and-

“George!”

The lovestruck boy snapped out of his gaze and turned to Jaymi, “S-sorry.” He apologized, embarrassed.

He laughed, and George could feel Jaymi pull him into a hug and run a hand through his hair, comfortingly. “That's okay, darling. You must really fancy this guy... go on.”

“And after we sat there talking for a while, he asked if I wanted to go talk somewhere quieter, so we went back to his place and, um...”

Jaymi was practically jumping up and down, excited over his friend's newly found sexuality. “Oh God, George, that was fantastic! I'm so happy for you. Was he any good?”

“Yeah,” George breathed shakily, remembering the way Zayn's mouth and fingers opened him up slowly, that tongue thrusting into him with his fingers and, “Yeah, he was... really good.”

“I don't mean to break up your guys' bounding time,” Josh interrupted, “But I just wanna stop you two before this starts heading in a direction I really don't want to hear about.”

George almost laughed at 'direction.' God, what was he, twelve?

“Why not?” Jaymi complained, turning to his friend and pulling George into his arms, “If you and JJ are allowed to talk about your sex life, then I'm allowed to talk to George!”

“I just don't like the idea of hearing George do anything sexual.” JJ spoke up, before going back to smiling down at a text he just received. Probably Cat sending him another picture of Princeton. And George was glad, that JJ was still riding off the high of being a new daddy, but...

“You guys, I'm not a kid, ya know... I don't understand what's the big deal about me... well, ya know.”

Jaymi looked down at George with a found yet condescending expression. “Oh, of course darling. Now, what's his name? What's he like? Did he seem into you?”

George bit his lip, “Well he's really pretty, and um... kind of hard to read. But when he opens up about stuff, it's like... it's like really genuine feeling, ya know? I think he liked me too? I'm not sure, he was...” He fidgeted with his hands, threading his fingers together and tinting a bright pink. “Complicated, but really gentle...”

“Who is he?”

George chuckled, “You wouldn't believe me, even if I told you.”

Because, well, Jaymi just wouldn't.

“No, come on, mate!” Jaymi shook him on the shoulder gently, encouraging him. “I wanna know his name! You did get his name, right? You made sure you got his number too before you left this morning, didn't you?”

“Well, he was in a bit of a rush this morning, had to get up early for, um, work. And Li- his uh, friend was kind of banging on the door, trying to get him to hurry up and it's all sort of a blur now. But I made sure to put my number into his phone before he left and he said he'd call me and let me sleep in a little more, and even use his shower and stuff.” George played with his (Zayn's) sleeve nervously, and then mumbled, barely audible, “And I don't know if he'd want me to tell you guys. I mean, I might have to ask him if he's okay with it, because well...”

“Well, what?” Jaymi prodded, and George bit his bottom lip. What could he say? He didn't want to lie to Jaymi, he was one of his best friends. But he couldn't just flat out say that his newest crush was Zayn Malik of all people. All the boys would flip, especially since Zayn was supposed to be engaged. Which George guessed was true. Zayn said he was getting married to Perrie, even if it wasn't necessarily what he wanted. They wouldn't care if Zayn was single, but technically, he wasn't. They wouldn't understand, even if he tried to explain it to them. Jaymi might get it, but he didn't want to take the chance. And it wasn't even his place to disclose Zayn's personal information, things that he had confided in George, and George only in.

“He's not...” George sighed, “He's not out yet. Like, no one knows, Jaymi. So I don't think he'd like me telling my band mates all about his personal life. And besides, I don't even know if it matters. It's not like I can just suddenly start dating guys, is it?”

“Why not?” JJ asked, piping in once more on the conversation, “Jaymi's gay. And has been since forever. Why can't you be?”

Josh sighed, “It's not that simple, JJ. You forget were in a boy band right? And that George is basically the most popular member between the four of us? Half of our boy band being gay isn't what people want.” He combed his hair, using his phone as a makeshift mirror. “Which I think is utter bullshit, by the way. I mean, if you wanna be gay and tell the whole world, who cares? Just be yourself, man. Our fans will still love us. It's not like we're going to break up, and our management isn't fucking crazy like One Direction's, so your fine.”

“Which by the way,” Jaymi turned his two best friends, a big grin plastered on his face, “Did you hear about Harry and Louis' big kiss and coming out? Those two are like a real life soap opera, they're fucking brilliant! I knew Taylor was just a beard.”

JJ smiled, “Heard their management was pretty upset, too. You guys know Eleanor Calder, you know, Louis' old girlfriend who's now dating one of Liam Payne's exes? Rumour has it she was actually under contract, like properly getting paid to be Tomlinsons' girlfriend and everything. And when they had that big fight and split, she voided it and even though he had no obligation to do so, the guy still sent her money and everything to pay for her student fees and living expenses and everything.”

Josh chuckled, “Where did you hear that?”

JJ shrugged, “Friend of a friend of Cat's knows something about it. Honestly, girls can't keep a secret, can they?”

George spoke up, “Apparently El can. She tried her best to keep Louis' sexuality hidden for him, didn't she?”

Jaymi laughed, “God, we're gossiping about our biggest rival's love lives. What has this boy band come to?”

George briefly wondered the same thing.

Josh chuckled, “Well, at any rate, with two of the boys in an open relationship and the third getting ready to marry the love of his life, One Direction's demographic is gonna change real soon. That might be a good thing for us.”

George pulled his knees close to him and sighed. Really, what was he supposed to say? He wanted to prove them wrong, but he couldn't tell them that Zayn really wasn't getting married to the love of his life, but just Perrie. He couldn't even explain how much he wanted to be the person to hold Malik's heart. He knew he was being a little possessive and crazy after just one night, but Zayn had been not only like a dream come true, but a reality better than his dreams. George didn't really fall for people, but when he did, it was always fast and hard. And well, he really liked Zayn. There was something different about him. Something that made him seem strong and dependable enough to protect George but also vulnerable and needy enough that made George feel like he could actually be there for him, too.

And he wanted a relationship like that, like really freaking bad.

“Hey, Georgey,” Jaymi spoke up, concerned for his friend as he rubbed circles in his back, “Everything okay? You know we don't care if you actually wanna come out and say you like boys, George. I'd be a bit of a hypocrite if I did.”

Jaymi's light laugh was comforting, but not by much. George sighed, resting his head on Jaymi's shoulder and saying without really thinking, “I don't know, I guess I just want him to be okay with it, too. Like, I gave him my number, hopefully when he gets a chance to text me I'll get a chance to answer."

Jaymi nodded, and after about another two minutes in silence, Union J was put back to work in the studio for their Sophomore album all day. George tried not to think about Zayn, but it kinda was hard when the boy was literally the only thing on his mind. It's like his brain refused to acknowledge anyone else's existence. He wondered how the band's interview with Scott Mills went, what else the boys were forcing into. How's Zayn today, and when will he ever text back. Even if Zayn was getting married, the guy had to feel it too, that spark, that happiness.

So after George and his mates were finally done for the day, he said goodnight and went home, where opted out of washing up and for wearing only Zayn's jumper to bed. He trusted that Zayn would call him when he could, he really did, and used this hope to fuel the fire and let himself think of Zayn's beautiful jawline and his scruffy beard as he touched himself. After a quick wank and a few napkins later, George laid down in his not as comfy bed and held his phone close to his chest, just waiting for a vibration or a text tone or just something to inform him Zayn was finally done for the night. They could maybe set up a plan to meet up, or even actually go on a date, and gosh, that would be absolutely fantastic. He sighed dreamily, imagining Zayn's brown eyes looking down at him and smiling and he wanted that so freaking bad.

He laid there for what seemed like minutes, these thoughts running through his head, when really it had been a few good hours. He looked over at clock beside him, realizing that it was already two AM and wow, he actually felt really tired. He glanced down at his phone, noticing that it actually hadn't gone off at all during this time.

It was only then, that George realized that Zayn wasn't actually going to call him back. 

Chapter Text

Zayn nearly chokes on his own spit when he sees the interview.

He was currently in LA, sitting down on his bed in his hotel room with Louis and Harry cuddling on the loveseat, and Niall and Liam sitting a little too close on the couch. He wondered why the two of them hadn't admitted yet, that they were together. It wasn't like the three of them were blind; they had been teasing the two about coming out as well, which earned them a laugh from Niall and a joking, “Oh, shut up!” from Liam. But the two of them didn't even act like a couple in front of them, their best mates. They'd give each other looks, hugs that lasted too long for regular friends to receive, but not once had they kissed in front of Zayn, Harry, or Louis, let alone hold hands. He wondered why the couple had such reserves when being affectionate. It wasn't that Zayn particularly wanted to see them acting like that in front of him. In fact, he'd rather not see it.

It was just surprising, is all.

All five of them had gotten back from doing an interview with Ellen, and Zayn had to say, it was quite fun. Of course, most of the questions had been directed towards Louis and Harry, the entire thing being set up just because of their now public and blooming relationship. The hilarious woman asked them questions that all five of them had been happy to answer.

“So when did you two actually get together? I mean, it's obvious all of you guys had been really close this entire time, but when did you to decide, 'okay, maybe the fans are on to something here'?”

Louis laughed, “Actually, despite popular belief, this is a rather recent development. I mean, I'd basically felt like this towards Harry since the very beginning. But it's only been, what, three or four months?” He chuckled. “My old girlfriend was actually just one of my best friends, and it was... I think just a few days before me and her had 'broken up', actually.”

Harry squeezed Louis' hand, smiling down at him before looking up at Ellen, “I don't think we really did talk about it. We had been acting really... distant, for awhile. It was more like we started yelling at each other why our friendship was strained and then it just sort of slipped out of my mouth, how I felt. And well...” He shrugged his shoulders happily, “That's about what happened.”

“Anything else happen that you're willing to share boys, boys?” Ellen asked cheekily.

Niall, Liam, and Zayn gave each wicked grins while Louis hid his head in Harry's shoulder out of embarrassment. Harry blurted out loudly over the crowd's catcalls and whistles, “That's top secret information Ellen! A gentleman never tells!”

Which caused Niall to start laughing hysterically, and Louis shouting over at the other end of the couch for him to 'shut it.'

“So, what's the date of the anniversary?”

Louis scratched his head saying, “I have no idea, actually.” While Harry immediately replied with a proud smile, “The seventh of June.”

After an awkward silence, the two looked at each other and started laughing, Harry stating, “Of course you don't remember it,” with a smile that said he really wasn't all that mad.

“Louis' never been good at remembering dates.” Zayn spoke up, chuckling.

“Well, now I do know!” He stated, snapping his fingers together and making his boyfriend burst into a fit of giggles once more, “Next question!”

“Yes, you're majesty.” The blonde host bowed dramatically and Louis stuck out his hand.

“You may kiss my hand.”

To which Harry grabbed and proceeded to grab the small hand with his larger one and give it a lingering kiss, never tearing his eyes eyes from Louis. The older grinned, his teeth showing and eyes crinkling, and it was a rather cute moment in television history, if you asked Liam.

“You guys are seriously so adorable I feel like I'm about to explode. Between you two's new found love, and Zayn getting engaged, this year has been a crazy one for One Direction's love life!” 

Liam smiled, “Oh, it's not new.”

The five of them looked over at him, along with the rest of the audience. And Liam knew exactly what to say.

“It's one that's been around for thousands of years, but only comes once in a million.”

And while Zayn really did had fun at that interview, interjecting about Harry and Louis' relationship, and even talking about getting married to Perrie. He was actually starting to warm up to the idea, of marrying Perrie. She was beautiful, smart, talented, funny... She was his best friend, and he did make love to her whenever he could. And the wedding wouldn't be for another year at least anyway. He could do a lot worse than Perrie. He could end up with someone who didn't love him for who he was, or just someone who couldn't understand him. And Perrie was his best friend. She loved him in every way Liam didn't and more, and now that he thought about it, he wanted to make her happy. He might not love her the same way, but he could marry her. And maybe in a few years, when they aren't as famous, Zayn could give her the family she wanted. Maybe a child or two, instead of just a cat and a dog. And he'd find happiness there.

And he swore, after that last night with George Shelley, he'd be exclusively hers from now on.

He felt bad for the pop star- after all, Zayn had given him false hope, taking the boy home with him and not clarifying it was a one night stand, even though he had thought at the time it was what the boy had wanted too. He should have told him he wasn't going to call, that while George seemed like a great person, he just couldn't date him. But, well, George should have known as well. He should have realized that Zayn technically was engaged, that all they really could be was just a heated encounter in the dark. Which is exactly why Zayn had decided to delete George's contact information on his phone, before he could have done something stupid like text him or call. It was better this way, for both of them.

But apparently, the world didn't want him to go on with his life and list George Shelley as one of many of Zayn's One Night Stands. No, instead, it wanted to list him as his most irritating headache in the world.

Louis had been flipping through the tv channels, landing on a late night talk show with four familiar males sitting down on a couch. He chuckled, nudging Harry playfully in the arm, “Hey look, it's Union J.”

Zayn looked up from his book for just a second, his heart skipping a beat when he saw the familiar brunette on the screen, smiling big and getting playfully nudged in his side by who he remembered was Jaymi and Josh, he believed. Jaymi had just finished talking about Olly and JJ was going about about his son and girlfriend. He noticed Jaymi lean over and whisper something in the younger's ear, making him blush and playfully hit the openly gay celebrity. He quickly looked back down, trying his best to ignore the guilty feeling in his head and continue to read.

Liam yawned, stretching his arm to relax not-so subtly behind Niall, “They're actually getting pretty popular, I hear. I heard one of their songs on the radio the other day, and their concert this Tuesday here in LA is completely sold out.”

“Really? Cool.” Niall answered.

Zayn was hoping Louis would change the channel, but it didn't see like he was going to grant that wish. Still, Zayn tried his best to continue reading, and to not seem suspicious.

He was, until he heard the late night host ask just what was so funny to Jaymi and George, and if they'd like to share with the audience what they were talking about. George was quick to blush and bury his face into his hands, trying to go on, but Jaymi wasn't having any of it.

“Nothing, it's just George here has a little crush of his own that I was wondering if he'd like to talk about.”

And suddenly Zayn was very interested. He looked up from his book with wide eyes. It couldn't be, no.

“Jaymi,” George whined, hitting him lightly again, “Now now!”

“You got the boy all flustered now! You've been seeing someone, hey George?” The interviewer teased, making the audience 'oooo' and 'ahh.'

The youngest member blushed, “Well, not exactly. We only talked once, but I'm very interested in them, and we got on really well.”

“Mind sharing who the lucky girl is?”

And just as he saw Louis about to change the channel once more, George said the one thing he dreaded the most, with that big, innocent smile Zayn believed was so fucking deceiving.

“Oh, I don't know if he would like that very much. We only met once, and he's very reserved and quiet about who he is, so I don't want to say anything I shouldn't.”

And that was when Zayn obnoxiously began coughing behind his other four members.

Niall and Louis both sat up and looked at each other, simultaneously shouting, “No fucking way!” with the biggest smile on their faces while Harry's eyes glanced over at Liam, who turned around to ask Zayn with a concerned looked on his face, “Everything okay, Zayn? Do you need some water?”

Zayn nodded. “'m fine,” he said as he cleared his throat, feeling really uncomfortable with the way Harry was watching Liam and Zayn's small interaction.

“Are you sure?” Liam asked, concerned. “You sounded pretty bad.”

“I said I'm fine, Liam.”

And now it wasn't just Harry's questioning eyes watching them, but Louis and Niall's as well. He just prayed to God they didn't suspect anything as he tried to return to his book with an almost too casual move.

“It's a man, George? You mean to say George Shelley is the second- homosexual member of Union J?”

“Well,” George chuckled, giving a light shrug and a smile, “I like girls. I just... like boys too. It's not that big of a deal. And this one is really special.”

After Jaymi, Josh, and JJ started, 'Awing', so did the rest of the crowd. That got Louis mimicking the obnoxious noise along with Niall, and Zayn felt like he was going to be sick.

“So when we'll we be able to know who this mystery man is?”

George was red at this point, grinning so big his eyes were starting to get small, “I don't know... we'll have to see how it goes first. He's kind of... tied up at the moment with other responsibilities, and so am I. But I don't plan on giving up any time soon.”

Zayn didn't want to believe that the guy who George was talking about was him, but about an hour later, when the five of them had already moved on from that channel and settled on watching Love Actually for about the millionth time because Harry was practically begging, his fear was confirmed with a buzz of his phone, and as he went to open the message, he took a sip of tea.

Hey Zayn! It's George, btw~ How are you?

And Zayn promptly spit the hot liquid out of his mouth and all over his copy of Paper Towns.

The four boys turned around to look at their friend with a concerned face, before Liam asked once more, “You sure you're okay, Zayn? You've been acting kinda weird tonight.”

“I'm fine.” He choked out, his voice probably cracking a bit more than he would like. He looked back down at his phone, hoping that the boys wouldn't pay attention anymore to him. He typed out a reply quickly, How did you get my number?

Which was a valid question. He had never given George his number, so how did he know it? After a few seconds, he felt his phone go off, and nervously looked down at the too eager text message.

Well, you never texted or called me back. ): So I thought since you we're too busy to text, I should try to text you! So I asked Jesy if she could get your number from Perrie for me :D And I got it!

And shit. George got his number from Perrie? Was this guy clueless? Could he not take a hint? Zayn felt bad, but it was truth. After a minute of staring at his text and wondering what to say back, he felt his phone go off again.

Did you see me on the telly tonight? I hope that was okay...

Zayn sighed, feeling even more terrible. George was such a sweetheart, and really nice and all, but Zayn just wasn't available. He was getting married to a beautiful woman, Perrie, and he just... as nice and good looking he was, as safe and familiar as George felt, and as great and intimate that night really was weeks ago... He just couldn't be with the young star. He should have made it clear that nothing could come from that night, but Zayn was a coward. He didn't want to say anything, or make the kid feel like he did something wrong.

But that's exactly what he ended up doing.

I did. All of us watched it. But George, you do know there's a reason why I never called you right?

The next text Zayn received wasn't as eager as the last two, taking a full, nerve racking two minutes to get.

I thought so... but I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt.

Zayn bit his lip, responding a bit too honestly.

You think too highly of me.

And since George hadn't answered him for a few good minutes, Zayn thought that might be the end of the conversation. So he went ahead and began trying to drive off his book, until he actually heard his phone go off, his ring tone sounding obnoxiously through the room informing him along with his band mates that he had a phone call. He cursed under his breath and grabbed his cellphone, deciding it would be smarter to answer George in the hall way than in his hotel room. “Sorry guys, I'll be just a second.” He said quickly to his friends, not wanting to look at them on his way out and shut the door behind him.

And he didn't even say hello when he answered his call.

“Do you know what time it is, George?” Zayn hissed quietly, “Jesus, I could have been trying to sleep. You called me in front of the rest of the boys, too, what we're you thinking?”

“Sorry.”

Somehow Zayn didn't really think he was.

“Look,” he sighed, “I know it was pretty shit of me, not telling you it was just a one time thing. But I kinda thought that at the time we we're both looking for just a good time. That's what you told me, and that's what I told you, didn't I?”

“Well, yeah, but...” Zayn could hear the hesitation in his voice, “I just thought that at some point, it sort of... Changed.”

“What gave you that idea?”

He didn't mean for that to sound as harsh as it was, he really didn't. But it just sort of slipped out. Zayn hated doing this, more than anything. He didn't want to be the cause of George's heartache, to drag this sweet guy back to harsh reality.

“Well... Didn't you feel it?”

“Feel what?”

“The spark.”

Zayn almost wanted to laugh, but not in a cruel way. It was just such a dated, cliched term to use. But he knew exactly what that meant, and he didn't want to belittle and make fun of George's feelings. That wasn't right, and he knew how badly that could hurt a person. “Go on...”

It took George a few seconds to respond. but when he did, Zayn almost wished he hadn't.

“Well... it's just- the entire night, when I first looked into your eyes, and I noticed it was you who saved me, I knew it must have been fate or something like that. Like, I thought, 'Why in the world, of everyone who could have found me, did Zayn Malik?' And then, we were talking, and when I was listening to you I just thought, 'Wow, there's so much more to this guy than I first thought. And the way he talks, about Perrie and love it's just so- so enchanting.' You talk so much deeper and more thoughtful than I ever imagined and I knew there was something that- that I just wanted to be there for you and help you understand... I don't know what exactly, but the moment I reached over and took your hand, I- I felt it. Like... something was different. Like I could feel static electricity in my fingertips but it didn't hurt and then I looked into your eyes and it was just... mean, you must have felt it. Don't tell me you didn't.”

Zayn was speechless. The truth was, he knew exactly what George was talking about. The only reason why he even talked so in depth with George, was because he had felt comfortable. Like trusting him was the easiest thing in the world to do. And there had been something sincere, something genuine in George's brown eyes and he ended up just spilling all he was feeling at that moment. And there was something so undeniably familiar about George, something Zayn couldn't quite put his finger on. But it it had made Zayn feel comfortable enough to take the boy home with him. And it made him stupid enough to actually let George Shelley get his hopes up like this.

But Zayn didn't want to feel it.

“George,” he began, sighing before running a frustrated hand through his hair, “You know I'm engaged. I'm marrying Perrie. There couldn't have been anything between us, even if I wanted to.”

“I know you are marrying her, Zayn...” He could hear George's frustrated sigh on the other line, “And I've thought about that, a lot. And I'm fine with that. I don't- I don't really care.”

“Obviously.” Zayn stated dryly.

“Look, this is really hard for me to say, okay? You could at least try to be sympathetic.”

“Well, what do you want me to say?”

“Nothing... I just... want to be given a chance.”

“A chance to what, George?”

“...To prove to you you're really worth fighting for.”

George really was too kind. It almost made Zayn want to cry.

“George...” Zayn sighed, almost feeling defeated as he looked down at his shoes. George Shelley was really too kind for his own good, and Zayn could really see his innocent, naïve getting into trouble or hurt one day, especially in the music industry. And Zayn really didn't want to be that person, who showed George that people weren't all as great as he made them out to be. But what could he say? This boy had just taken a huge risk, coming out on live television so casually and actually getting Zayn's number from Perrie, and now poured his true feelings out to the object of his affection all in one night and Zayn didn't want to hurt his spirit. “I don't know what to tell you.”

“...Tell me you'll come to my concert this Tuesday.”

“What?” Zayn scoffed, “George, your concert is sold out, and I don't think I could get past all your screaming fans without getting recognized myself.”

“All you have to do is sneak in towards the back and it'll be okay, I'll tell them all you're coming to cheer us on and it'll be fine. Just, please-” Zayn took a breath along with him, “Show up, please?”

And George's voice was just so hopeful that well, he couldn't say no.

“Listen, George-”

Zayn was startled out of his conversation by the door opening, Harry looking down at Zayn with a concerned expression, his eyebrows furrowed and suddenly Zayn felt very guilty but he didn't even know why. But he knew he couldn't continue the conversation any longer.

“I gotta go.” And he was about to hang up, without even a goodbye, before he heard a faint 'Zayn!' come from his phone. He brought the phone back up to his ear, not once tearing away from Harry's eyes and shit. He was going to hearing it now.

“Just- at least tell me you'll think about it? Please, Zayn...”

And just by the way he heard George's voice crack out of desperation, he found himself saying, “Yeah, okay, I'll think about it.”

“Thanks, Zayn,” He heard the boy's sigh of relief on the other line, “I'll see you then.”

And the worst part wasn't Harry's accusing eyes upon him, but the fact he could practically envision the smile that must be on George's face in his New York hotel room.

But Zayn made him look up at Harry with a smile, trying to put Shelley in the back of his mind for now, “What's up, Harry?”

“...I was going to go get Louis some crisps from our room,” He stated almost cautiously, and shut the door behind him. “Who were you talking on the phone to, Zee?” Harry's voice was casual, but he knew it was too false to cover up Harry's interest.

“No one, really. It's not all that important.” Zayn shrugged it off, pulling his jacket closer to his body even though the hallway wasn't that cold at all. He just hoped Harry would drop it, but by the way the tall, lanky boy pursed his lips and eyed Zayn suspiciously, he knew he wouldn't.

“Listen, Zayn...” He began, and now Zayn knew he was in for it, “I've been meaning to talk to you for a while now.”

“About what, mate?” Zayn tried to give a cheery smile, but the serious look on Harry's face just wouldn't go away.

“About you, Zayn.”

And the smile on his face slowly faded. He already had Liam worrying about him constantly, he didn't need Harry worrying about him as well. He tried to put the reassuring grin on his face once more, but it was just so hard when he knew he couldn't avoid this conversation, “I'm fine, Harry, really. Whatever it is your about to say, I really am fine.”

Harry didn't say anything for awhile, but just stared at Zayn for a little bit before deciding on what to respond with, “It's just, these past few months, I know I haven't really noticed anything besides Louis and my own problems. And now that I few like I'm in a comfortable state of mind, and in good stage of my and Louis' relationship... I'm beginning to see things.”

Zayn paused for a second, unsure of what Harry was trying to say, “...Like what?”

“Well,” He began, scratching the back of his head and for some reason, Zayn could definitely see what Louis, along with Niall and every single girl on the entire fucking planet, saw in Harry. The boy was all lean and long legs, with gorgeous green eyes and curly brown hair with a great smile and if he didn't know Harry personally, Zayn might have even considered going for him at one point. But the truth was, Harry never really was his type. But the boy wore his heart on his sleeve and could be alluring and charming and adorable all at the same time and it really did amaze him.

“I've noticed that Niall is a lot less hands-on than usual with us, but ever since he's been living with Liam he's slowly gotten better about it and laughs a lot more. And I can't help but feel responsible in the first place for that whole mess, but I know that Liam is trying his hardest to be there for Niall and to give him what he deserves while still respecting his boundaries and realizing he's not ready to...” he coughed, “be in any sexual relationship right now. Which must be killing him inside. I mean, I can't be the only one who doesn't see how it physically hurts Li on a regular basis to be so close to Niall and not be able to touch him completely just yet.”

Zayn tried to chuckle along with Harry, but really, he didn't feel like laughing about the obvious yet platonic relationship between Niall and Liam. “Right... That's great Harry, I think I'm gonna go have a-”

“But,” Harry cut Zayn off, obviously not finished, “I've also noticed other things too. Like the way you've been really distant lately, ever since you first told us you were engaged to Perrie. And I really love her and am happy for you; she's a sweet girl and I know how much you care about her. But I always can't help but feel that maybe... Marrying Perrie isn't exactly what you want.”

Zayn sighed. He really didn't want to talk about this, especially with Harry, “Look, I'm fine, real-”

“And I happen to know that you and Liam had hung out the night I told Liam about the thing I had with Niall, because he brought up you saying something else entirely about yours and Perrie's relationship when that whole thing with Briarly and her sister happened at the park, that you had been with Liam that previous night.” Harry took a step closer, making Zayn feel rather claustrophobic with the tall youth corning him like this, not even giving Zayn a chance to explain himself, “And I remember hearing you say something to Liam about how he, 'had his chance' the morning Louis and I kind of spilled the beans at that charity concert. And I wondered, 'Liam had a chance at what'?”

Zayn knew where this was headed, and he wasn't ready for it. People really didn't give Harry enough credit, including Zayn. Harry wasn't stupid or slow at all, maybe a little clueless at times when it came to himself... But Harry had eyes. Two gorgeous, piercing, green eyes that saw a lot more than what other people did. And Zayn had even been careful, so fucking careful, to act like nothing was wrong and it didn't matter. But Harry, of all people, had figured out one of Zayn deepest regrets before anyone else did.

If he wasn't so mortified he'd want to give Harry a gold star.

“Harry, listen,” Zayn tried to stop him, before he said the one thing out loud he didn't want anyone finding out but he knew it was in vain as Harry backed him into a wall and placed a hand right by Zayn's face.

“You meant you. Liam had a chance to be with you... Or, well, he already had.”

Zayn's silence and guilty look was all the confirmation he needed.

“You slept with Liam, when you knew that he had feelings for Niall and you probably knew Niall was confused about his feelings for him as well.”

Zayn's gaze drifted to the floor. He wasn't capable of looking Harry in the eye anymore.

“You slept with Liam, and then the next day, you got engaged to Perrie, this girl that we all knew you had a strange relationship with but we didn't say anything about it, even though it was obvious you weren't too excited about the idea of marrying her.”

He couldn't even pretend anymore that he proposed to Perrie because he wanted to,

“You slept with Liam, even though you knew he was emotionally unstable after that talk with me, because you realized it might just be be the only chance you ever get to.”

Zayn really felt the urge to punch Harry in the face, scream at him that he didn't know anything, and go have a cigarette right about now. 

“You slept with Liam, because even though you knew all this, you thought that you'd be okay, and that you could handle it.”

He didn't wanted to face the truth. But right now, Harry was crowded in front of him, speaking words that Zayn always knew deep down were true but didn't want to admit out loud. Harry Styles was right now acting like Zayn's cruel reality and he didn't know what to do.

“But you were wrong.”

Harry didn't just deserve a gold star; He deserved a fucking medal.

Zayn nodded his head, avoiding Harry's but keeping his tone frustrated and mad, “Okay, Harry, yeah. You're right. I fucked up and I feel like shit about it, but I'm trying to move on. What now?”

Harry sighed, the harsh look on his face replaced with one of sympathy, one Zayn did not want or like at all. “And what about Perrie? Why are you really marrying her?”

“Because she's deserves it after putting up with my shit, and contrary to popular belief, I actually do love her. Maybe it's not really romantic or conventional and I'm not in love with her, but she's not going to be fucking leaving anytime soon and really, it's not like I'm going to be with who I want so I might as well try to do something good for her. I'm so tired of having to explain this, and I don't understand why it's such a big deal.”

That seemed to have shut Harry up, but only for a few seconds as the younger member looked down at Zayn and asked, with a hint of caution, “...Who else have you talked to about this, Zayn?”

He bit his lip, “It's not important.”

“Just like that phone call you got just now, in the middle of the night?”

And damn it, Zayn just fell for his trap without even realizing it. Harry really wasn't given enough credit. Now Harry knew, that whoever Zayn was on the phone with was somehow connected to all this, and it was crazy, how perceptive Harry was.

“Please, Harry, just drop it.”

“No,” He said firmly, his large hand practically covering Zayn's shoulder and it was absolutely insane to think that Harry was actually the youngest member of the boy band, when he acted like this right now. “I'm your friend, Zayn. Friends don't just drop things like this, they help each other out. Like when you helped me realize it wasn't fair, what I was doing to both Niall and Louis. You straightened me out and helped me treat Louis right and I did my best with Niall and now it's my turn to help you. Who were you on the phone with, Zayn?”

Zayn knew, knew that if he said anything, that Harry would figure it out. With the way he reacted hearing about George coming out and talking about his crush, getting those text messages and spitting his tea all over his book, conveniently getting a call about an hour later and with everything else that they just discussed. Harry would know right away that Zayn slept with George too.

But he didn't really have a choice at this point.

“...George Shelley. He just called me to see if I'd be able to make it to his show in LA. I told told him I'd think about it.”

Harry started with the question that George knew he'd ask, but “But why would George Shelley want you to-”

And Zayn could tell, when the wheels began to turn in Harry's head and it finally clicks, and every piece of the puzzle finally seeming to come together. He vaguely wondered what Harry was thinking right now, realizing that Zayn, by some unknown force, was able to be alone with the up and coming star long enough for the guy to be so head over heels for him, who publicly was taken by Perrie, that he'd risk fucking up his career by coming out on live television. The brunette spoke, a little dry, “Well, now I know what he meant by 'other responsibilities'.”

Zayn thought briefly that Louis' sense of humor was rubbing off on Harry.

“Yeah,” Zayn chuckled.

After a few seconds of just standing there, staring at one another, the door to Zayn's hotel room opened and Louis came out with a loud yawn, walking over to Harry and wrapping his arms around his waist. Zayn thought it was cute, how Louis clung to Harry, complaining about how he never got his crisps and was too tired to even eat them now and just wanted to go to bed. Niall and Liam came out of the room next, Niall giving Zayn and tight hug before complaining about how 'fucking tired' he was, and Liam giving Zayn that sad, weak smile he always looked at him with now, and said goodnight before letting himself be dragged off by Niall to their room.

Harry stood there, smiling as he told Louis to go on ahead and he'd catch up with him later, with the sweetest smile and a soft kiss. He smacked his butt playfully on his way out, earning him a small 'yelp' and a sassy wink from Louis. After a full ten seconds of admiring Louis' ass, Harry finally turns to face Zayn with a smile, “So, George invited you to his concert, eh?”

Zayn shrugged, feeling rather uncomfortable that Harry's mood suddenly went from serious to suspiciously happy. “Yeah... he did. What about it?”

Harry shrugged, but that devious grin was still present on his face, “We're not due to leave for London until Wednesday afternoon. You should go.”

Zayn scoffed, “Yeah, and what? Get the kid's hopes up even more?”

Harry didn't say anything, and just began walking down the hallway to join his boyfriend, “Just think about it, okay Zayn? Sleep well.”

Zayn was too exhausted to wonder what exactly what Harry meant. He decided he was going to go to his bed, crawl under the covers, and instantly fall asleep. And most certainly, not think about going to the Union J concert.

(But he does)

The moment Liam and Niall hit the mattress, Liam let out a huge sigh he didn't know he was holding in. Things with Louis and Harry had been going great these past few weeks, unbelievably great. And he felt that ever since that night when Liam and Niall had that more than interesting phone call, him and Niall had slowly but surely been working up to actually fulfilling all those promises Liam made to him on that phone line. They weren't there yet, and Liam was in no rush, because even though he still hadn't said it yet to him, he did love Niall and would wait a million years if he had to for him.

But as great as things were between them, the thought of Zayn being unhappy and in a relationship with Perrie (as beautiful and great as she was), and being constantly bothered by something, was too much for him. And he tried to get Zayn to say it, what was really bothering him, but ever since that morning, when Zayn practically bit his head off when he asked who it was Zayn brought home with him, he backed off quite a bit. Because, well, it hurt. All Liam was trying to do was be a good friend, because Zayn had been there for him and he knew his relationship with Perrie was thicker than blood but thinner than water but it was like Zayn was refusing his help when all Liam wanted was for him to feel better again.

Liam didn't even notice when Niall rolled over and draped an arm around him until he kissed his chest. He looked down, and smiled. He still couldn't believe it, how lucky he was to have this angel lying next to him, like this. He reached out and brought Niall closer to him, kissing his head softly as he heard the Irishman ask in a think accent, “Is there anything wrong, Li? You've been kind quiet.”

Liam sighed, “Zayn was acting weird tonight, when we were all watching the movie. The coughing and spitting, and how his phone with vibrate and that strange call... I'm just a bit worried about him, is all. You know that.”

And Niall did know. He had told Niall about how much he worried about Zayn all the time. And it was nice, the Niall didn't take it the wrong way, that he knew it was only out of concern. Especially since Niall was concerned about him as well, “He did seem kinda weird, today. I think that might be what Harry was talking to him about when Louis asked him for a bag of crisps and Zayn was taking that weird phone call.” The blond paused to yawn, “I wouldn't worry tonight, okay?”

Liam felt Niall's pale lips against his now, moving slowly and steadily and Liam absolutely loved it. It never took long, for things to get a little heated between them before pulling apart with a soft kiss and falling asleep, but this felt different. Niall pulled apart, looking unsure for a moment as he bit his lip. Liam wondered what was wrong for a second, before Niall opened his mouth and said something Liam was most certainly not expecting.

“Liam, I...” He started, unsure, “I'm ready. I want to.”

Liam blinked, not quite sure exactly what meant, “Ready for what?”

Niall's cheeks tinted pink as he looked up at Liam with a too innocent face as he leads Liam hand to drape over his waist band and- oh. That's what he meant. It took Liam every fiber in his being, to not just take that okay and instead wrap his arm around Niall waist. He could see the confused, hurt expression on his face. And Liam nearly died because, no that's not what I meant at all. It's not that Liam didn't want to, because he does. So bad. But Liam just kissed him softly on the cheek and gave him a kind smile and the sadness in Niall's eyes faded away. The truth was, Liam felt almost as happy as a child on Christmas day. But he didn't say that.

“Oh God, Niall that's amazing.” He kissed his head, his cheek, his nose, any part of his face he could, and Niall's laughter cut through the room like a bell and it had to be one of the most beautiful sounds he'd ever heard in the world. Everything about Niall was beautiful, from his faded hair to his stormy eyes to his ivory skin and hearty laugh. Liam felt like he could talk for hours about Niall's hands, or his stomach or even his feet, which was weird but Liam didn't really care. “You're so beautiful, Niall. So beautiful.”

Niall chuckled, a good smile on his face as he stared into Liam's eyes. They were just centimeters apart, and Liam felt like he had to go a little cross eyed just to look into those eyes but it was worth it. “Then why don't you show me? Make me feel beautiful, Liam.”

They were bittersweet, Niall's words. Because it meant that while Niall finally trusted Liam enough to make love to him, be with him physically, and he wanted Liam. But he didn't see it himself, what Liam saw in him. Niall thought he wasn't beautiful, and he need to be shown. And Liam wanted to. He wanted to make Niall feel beautiful and special and perfect and make him see all those things that Liam could. He could feel his dick hardening at just the thought of it, and the way Niall's hand went to cup his face as he kissed him slowly didn't help strengthen Liam's resolved at all.

But he made himself pull apart from Niall, and grabbed his hand. He pressed the foreheads together, and it hurt because Liam could see, could see the disappointment on his face, but he needed- no, they needed to wait. He said, with a serious tone, “Niall, you don't know how happy that makes me, that you feel like you can take this step with me. God, Niall, it means the world to me. But I- I can't. Not here.”

Niall frowned, and Liam really didn't like that but he understood it, “Why not?”

Liam just gave him a smile, “Because, I might be a hopeless romantic, but I want our first time to be perfect, Niall. I want it to be you and me, after we've had a romantic date and then I can show you-” Show you how much I love you, “show you how beautiful you truly are, Ni. You deserve the best, and I just- I want it to be in our flat, in our city and not in some stupid hotel room where there's the other three boys just down the hall and I have to think about Zayn being all alone in his room tonight too. Okay, love?”

And he was glad when that frown turned into a small smile. Because it meant that Niall understood, that there wasn't anything wrong with him, but that it was something else entirely. “the best, huh?” Liam watched Niall's eyes slightly glaze over, but he knew it wasn't because he was sad, but happy. Liam rubbed his his side, slowly, comfortingly, giving his lover a sweet kiss on the forehead.

“The very best, Niall.”

He pulled Niall close, holding him tightly as they tried to fall asleep. It didn't take too long for Liam to feel Niall's soft breathing on his chest, and a light, content sigh escape those pale lips. It comforted him, and Liam had to ask himself how he ever got this lucky, to be able to feel like this.

And Liam wondered for a moment, if he should say it. If he should tell Niall that he loves him, loves him more than anything in the world. That it took him forever to realize, but once he did, he couldn't stop thinking about it and fell harder than he ever had in his life. That he thanked Zayn every day, for helping him realize how perfect Niall was. And he was grateful to Danielle, too, for breaking up with him. Because even though he knew Danielle finding Eleanor was the main reason she broke up with him, he wondered if she knew. He wondered if Danielle could see it, the way Liam had always treated Niall like royalty and like he was his girlfriend instead of his actual girlfriend and if how their late night conversations on the phone always turned into Niall and what he did today or what was worrying him. And then, when Danielle called him and said he might want to hang out with the boys that day he found Niall's flat destroyed, he wondered if she knew, about Harry and Louis, and how Niall might feel about it. So she sent Liam to go get the five of them together, because she knew Niall would need him in the long run. He wondered if even though she loved Eleanor, was happy with her, if Danielle also loved him, too. And it broke her heart, as much as his, to break up with him that day. But she did it anyway, because she knew what was best for him, and her. So she let him go. And then, his mind went back, to the night Liam thought Danielle had completely destroyed him, to those last words she said to him before he rudely ended the call with her.

“Maybe it's been right in front of you the entire time."

Those words echoed over and over, loudly in mind, until they were ringing loudly and he could believe it, that Danielle knew. She knew, the entire time, even when Liam didn't. And he wondered, if had hurt her because of it. And that's why she let him go, let herself fall out of love with him and in love with Eleanor. Because she knew, that even though She had a piece of his heart, she didn't have all of it.

And he wanted to thank her, for being so much smarter than him.

His mind was racing so badly, he didn't even realize when Niall had fallen asleep on his chest, now snoring softly, almost in a comforting and endearing way. He couldn't help but stretch his neck down and place a kiss on his head. “I love you,” he whispered, like he did every night when Niall had fallen asleep.

Liam laid there, running his hands through Niall's soft hair, staring up at the ceiling.

And he was glad he didn't have to sleep alone anymore.

Chapter Text

Zayn had no idea what he was doing here.

Why did he decide to do this? Why the hell did he get into that car and drive down to the concert? Why was he standing here, hands in his leather jacket as the back door to the concert hall closed behind him?

Oh that's right, Harry freaking Styles.

He couldn't remember all the details, but he was pretty sure their conversation went a bit like this:

“Zayn!”

“What, Harry?”

“It's Tuesday!”

“...Indeed it is, Harry. Good job.”

“But, like, Zayn-”

“What?”

“Are you going?”

“to what?”

“His concert!”

“No.”

“...Why not?”

And once Zayn had finally replied with a confused and frustrated, “I-I don't know!”, Harry had grabbed Zayn by the arm and practically dragged him to the car, and threw him into the passenger seat. Well, it wasn't like Zayn put up much of a struggle. In fact, he only sighed as he noticed Harry start up the engine and drive to the concert. Zayn complained the entire ride, mumbling something about how it was a stupid idea, and the kid is insane, and most importantly, my hair isn't even styled for Christ’s sake.

But stupid Harry wasn't having it, and had left Zayn standing by the back door with a dumb look on his face and that fucking smile on his own.

The security guard who let the pop star in directed him backstage, and Zayn used the time before he saw George to figure out how exactly to tell George he wasn't interested.

He could always state the obvious- that Perrie was his Fiancee, and he would marry her. Maybe it wasn't quite that simple, but it was the truth. And he could reinstate the fact that no matter what George (and Zayn) might have felt, that night was just one, one of many for Zayn. He could assure George, that he was amazing, and one day he'd find the person he was meant for. But that person wasn't him. He wondered, why he didn't just turn around and walk out the door right now. That would really tell George how he felt about the situation. But he knew he couldn't.

Zayn wasn't heartless, which is what got him in this entire mess in the first place.

He could hear the cheering from the stage now, and suddenly, he became very nervous. George and Union J were finishing up the concert right about now, and then Zayn would be face to face with George for the first time since that night. He didn't like being the bad guy, the one to break peoples hearts. But that seemed to be all he was doing lately, first with Perrie, now with George... With Perrie, he couldn't at least make it up a little bit. He was marrying her, for god's sake. But George...

It wasn't going to be the same. He'd have to end it, quickly. Before it could get any worse.

He walked up close to the stage, close enough to where he could watch from the sidelines. They were singing Carry You, and Zayn had to admit, it was a good song, and the boys' voices blended perfectly. Each had their strength and weaknesses, and it was refreshing to watch a boy band perform for once, instead of being the one performing. His eyes drifted from Josh and JJ, to Jaymi, and then finally, he let himself land upon George.

And, wow.

The twenty year old looked radiant. His brown, wavy locks rested on his hair, looking light as a feather and soft to the touch. His smile was huge, as Jaymi wrapped a comforting arm around his shoulder, so huge, that the corners of his eyes began to crinkle. And those eyes, the ones that seemed so comforting and familiar that made Zayn give into him in the first place were practically gone, hidden because of how wide his smile was and it was so endearing. He strummed the guitar, looking fearless and as if this was his favorite moment in the entire world and nothing could stop him. In fact, all four of them looked as if they wouldn't rather be anywhere else.

And Zayn wondered when him and the boys stopped looking like that.

As the finished up the song, George happened to glance over to the side, his eyes landing on Zayn and shit. Zayn attempted in vain to stop the blush from creeping up on his face the boy's eyes widened in a happy surprise, as if he didn't really expect Zayn to come, and his smile grow even bigger (if that's even possible). It seemed to get the attention of his three band mates as well, looking over to see what it was exactly that George was looking at and their own eyes widening in a, well, different kind of shock. One that made Zayn turn around and walk out of eyesight before anyone in the crowd could figure out the four boys were looking at none other than Zayn Malik of One Direction.

It only took about ten more minutes for the boy band to say goodbye to their fans, a full ten minutes that Zayn spent mentally preparing himself to break that boy's poor heart. He wondered just how he was gonna do it, but he told himself, over and over again, that it was for the best; that it would save everyone time and heartache. And George could go on, and find a nice, pretty boy that didn't have nearly as many issues as Zayn.

But then he saw the four of them come off the stage, George practically tripping and falling as he ran over to him, the other three trailing behind with a look of confusion and concern (that Zayn couldn't really blame them for). He watched as George came to a sudden halt in front of him, and tried to calm his breathing down and failing to get that excited, flush look off his face from the high of the stage and excitement at seeing Zayn.

“You,” George panted out, fixing his bangs and sweating from being underneath those bright lights all night, “you actually came.”

And Zayn knew, that he had to say it now, or else he never would.

He inhaled sharply, “Yes I did, but I only came because-”

He was suddenly cut off by George wrapping his arms around him, pulling him in for a tight hug. He really was speechless, the younger holding him close in front of everyone backstage and his three bandmates (something none of the boys would even dream about doing anymore), and Zayn could smell him. It wasn't gross from the sweat or from jumping around all night on stage, but comforting, and he actually smelled to Zayn like lilac and mint at the same time. He smelled kind of good.

“It doesn't matter why,” George whispered out, his hold on Zayn getting impossibly tighter. “You came.”

His hands went to cautiously wrap around the younger, as he watched over Geroge's shoulder, Jaymi talk to JJ and Josh with extreme concern and weariness in his eyes. The other two looked flat out furious, and he couldn't blame them: Zayn was engaged, and was supposed to be exclusively Perrie's. The three of them just found out that George's crush, the one he had a passionate night including being 'rescued' and totally fucked out, was a marriage bound, rival popstar, with the reputation of being the 'Bradford Bad Boy.' Of course they'd automatically hate him. And, for some reason, that made his grip around the too innocent, up and coming star, even tighter.

And Zayn was totally fucked.

It didn't take long after Zayn and George pulled away from their 'too long to be platonic' hug, that JJ went over and tapped George on the shoulder to ask if they could talk in private, without Zayn. And not long after that, did Zayn hear the not-so quiet shouting as Josh yelled out, “He's not even single, George, he's taken! Not only that, but he's competition.” And JJ agree, saying, “He's a cheater, he sleeps around, and your the other woman, George!” Zayn's chest ached, as he heard George try to defend him in vain, saying things like, “You just don't know him like I do.” and, “You weren't there, you didn't hear his side of the story, it's not like that.” and the worst, “Why can't you guys just be happy for me?”

And Zayn couldn't help but agree with Jaymi, as he said, “We just don't want to see your heart get broken, Georgie. He's getting married, George, whether you like it or not. And you're better than being just some adulterer’s 'mistress'.”

At thatGeorge stormed out of the room, taking a few paces and running his hand frustratingly through his hair, before turning around and realizing Zayn was standing right there, cigarette in his mouth. George let out a heavy sigh before biting his lip and staring down at Zayn's feet.

“You heard, didn't you?”

Zayn nodded.

George groaned in frustration, fist clenching as if he wanted to punch something, but he didn't have anything to hit. Zayn sighed as he lit his cigarette, taking a long drag.

“Their right, you know,” he began, “about everything. I'm not good for you George, I'm not some saint or the good person you're making me out to be. I'm only going to break you hea-”

“Don't say that.” George interrupted, brown eyes firm yet gentle as he glared into Zayn's own orbs. “Don't talk about yourself like that. Stop trying to convince me your worth less than you are.”

“Or what?” Zayn spat, “What are you going to do? Try to show me differently? Show me how I deserve to be loved? Show me I really am some inspirational, perfect person that is kind and gentle, who is more than just some guy who cheats on his fiancee with other men and doesn't really love her? That I'm more than just some lovesick idiot who ended up falling for someone I could never be with? That I deserve to be with someone who could really make me happy? Someone like you? Don't make me laugh, this isn't some sort of fairytale, George. I'm not the tall, dark hero with a haunted past that needs you to save me. I'm just some fucking rival pop star with issues that even I don't want to deal with half the time and lay on my best friend because I'm too much of a coward to face it myself. So stop romanticizing this idea of being my sort of 'savior' and showing me my true value or some shit like that, because it's not worth it!”

Zayn didn't know where all that came from, how he ended up confessing all of that to George. George, with his brown eyes that held concern and adoration and sadness and hope, that made him feel like he was home. And he hated it, hated how he couldn't seem to keep himself together around him. He barely even knew the boy, it was all ridiculous and stupid and he hated how it made him feel like crying because Zayn hadn't let himself cry once throughout this entire ordeal and he wasn't about to start now, he was stronger than that, dammit.

He watched as George walked up to him, his eyes now holding resolve and understanding and Zayn bit back the urge to scream at George to 'stay away' from him like a scared child. He stood in front of him now, and Zayn couldn't help but notice that George was actually a bit taller than him. He watched as George lifted a cautious hand, letting his thumb swipe across his left cheek softly, as if wiping something away and- oh.

He was crying.

Dammit.

George stared into his eyes, serious and mature, something Zayn wouldn't have ever associated with him.

“Yes.”

Zayn eyes widened, “Yes?”

“Yes, I am.”

And, well.

“Okay.” Zayn found himself saying before he could take it back.

George looked at him with surprise. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

And a small smile crept on the younger's face, and Zayn instantly felt a sense of dread at the decision he just made. He watched as George took the cigarette from his hand, and let it fall to the floor, smashing it out with his foot.

“You know, Zayn,” He began, and Zayn could tell he was trying to hold back a grin.

“You should really stop smoking. It can kill you, you know.”

He felt like laughing.

It didn't take long, for George to suggest to Zayn they head back to George's hotel room. They got in a black sleek car, pointedly ignoring all of the camera's that we're taking pictures of them together, and George quickly waving at all of his fans waiting outside before shutting the car door behind him. Zayn knew it'd be in the news, that he had gone to the Union J concert. But honestly, it didn't look all that scandalous at all, considering Zayn had a fiancee and was straight in the eyes of the public. To the normal person, it would just seem like Zayn went to support the boy band and is becoming good friends with recently out George Shelley. Only the fanatic ones would even think anything was fishy about this.

The entire situation seemed a little like deja vu to Zayn, as he checked his phone and saw a short text from Harry saying Be careful Xxx. Which really, could mean a lot of things. He sighed, trying to get comfortable but failing miserably under George's shy but timid gaze. He looked over, and saw the boy give him a small, fragile smile and Zayn knew he was fucked right then and there.

Once they got to the hotel, George walked over to his suitcase and pulled out a movie, showing the DVD to Zayn with a small smile, “Wanna watch a movie?”

He chuckled, a sad smile tugging at the corners of his mouth “George, do we really need this pretense anymore?”

George sighed, before tossing the superhero movie back into his suitcase.

“Guess not.”

Zayn watched as George looked at his suitcase to the bed to the kitchenette, as if debating what to do next. His eyebrows furrowed and his lips were forming a slight pout and it'd honestly be cute if Zayn didn't know just what it was George was debating in his head. Zayn thought he'd help speed up his thinking process, shoving off his leather jacket casually on the floor and then slowing starting to lift his shirt over his head. He could practically feel George's eyes raking his tan skin, scanning all his tattoos and indents, the lust apparent in his eyes. And, well, Zayn liked it, the attention, the desire, just... everything about it. George's breath hitched, and Zayn had a confident smirk growing on his face before walking over to the young star and tugging ever so slightly at his shirt.

George breathed, “Zayn.”

He looked up from the boy's chest to meet his eyes, feeling that overwhelming comfort that he hated and loved at the same time, “Yes?” He whispered, resigning to the fact that he was, indeed, going to sleep with George Shelley again. That this affair, this thing, was about to become very real and most certainly not one of his one night stands.

“I don't wanna sleep with you.”

Oh.

Zayn let go of his sweaty t-shirt, giving George a confused look. “You don't?”

“Well,” He stammered, “Yes, I do, I mean. I really, really want to but- no. Not tonight, like this.”

Zayn let out a sigh of relief he didn't know he was holding in, “Thank God- I mean, good.”

“I want to be friends first,” George interjected.

“Totally,” Zayn nodded his head. “Better that way.”

“Want to get to know you better.”

“Reasonable.”

“And I don't want you to feel- like you're betraying Perrie or anything. I get- I get that your engaged, ya know?”

Zayn looked up, curious as to where George was going with this. “You do?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, fixing his hair, “It's... I get your getting married, but like, I have until the wedding, right?”

“Have until the wedding for what?”

“To change your mind,” George spoke seriously, “You don't have to make any decisions right now, I don't want to force you into anything. Just- you have to consider me as an alternative.”

Zayn couldn't help but smile a little, “An alternative to marriage?”

“Kind of,” He chuckled, “Just- you have to promise, to keep me as an open option, that I'm here for you. And we can get to know each other.”

“Okay, like what?”

“Like- Like who it is you're in love with, really.”

Zayn's smile faded. “It doesn't matter, does it?”

George sighed, “It does, though... Perrie's not my competition, not really. Whoever it is you love, who holds your heart, that's who I need to be really concerned about.”

And Zayn considered telling George to fuck off, it was none of his business, that he didn't have time for this bullshit and he could forget about ever thinking about trying to change Zayn's mind about anything ever again, let alone being with him.

But one look at those shining, brown eyes, that looked so familiar it was oddly scary to Zayn, and the name just slipped out of his mouth.

“Liam.”

He expected a surprised reaction, maybe something like a loud, 'really?' or at least some sort of shocked gasp or the look of utter defeat in knowing that it was his band mate that he fell for. But none of it came, just an expressionless stare before Zayn saw something ignite in those eyes.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Zayn asked.

“Okay.”

They stood there, not really knowing what else to say, before George finally spoke up again, his voice timid and unsure.

“I really wanna kiss you right now,” George laughed, shaking his head and Zayn couldn't say he was surprised but it wasn't really expected either.

“Then do it.”

Zayn didn't mean for that to come out so commanding, he also didn't mean to say it at all either, so.

George laughed in disbelief, “That's not was friends do, Zayn. They don't kiss each other just cause they want to.”

“If you're one of the guys, we do.” He said bluntly, before giving a dry laugh, “You fuck sometimes too, but that's besides the point.”

“We're not... shagging, Zayn.”

“I didn't say we were going to.”

“Good.” George spoke, a little too defensively.

“But you can kiss me, if you want.”

Zayn didn't know why he was saying that.

“I'm not kissing you, Zayn.”

“But you want to.”

“But I respect you more than that.”

And wow, Zayn wasn't used to that.

He took a deep breath, getting ready to admit something he really didn't want to.

“But I want you to.”

George's breath hitched, before he groaned loudly. He pulled at his hair, frustrated, “Zayn, you're making this really hard for me.”

“I know.” He sighed, moving to grab George's hand, “Just- Just think of it as like, my approval. That I'm going to give you a chance.”

George bit his lip, “A-Alright.” He nodded, his hand shaking as he caressed Zayn's cheek. He pulled him closer, and Zayn could literally feel the nerves as the boy hesistated.

“It's just a kiss,” Zayn began.

“No,” George breathed, staring down at Zayn's lips, “No, it's really not.”

And then Zayn felt George's lips on his own, and let his eyes close as he felt those thin lips slide against his. It was soft and gentle and burned all at the same time and wow...

Zayn was fucked.

Chapter Text

Liam was not jealous.

Just because Niall was currently sitting on his couch, cuddled up close to Josh Devine and writing some information down on a piece of paper and then handing it over to him with a smile on his face, like a fucking love note, did not mean Liam was jealous.

Liam liked Josh and all, but not when he was giving Niall those eyes with an arm wrapped around his shoulder and his face so close to his and all that. Like, who did he think he was? Friends, just friends , didn't normally act that close right? So why the hell was he talking Niall up in the middle of his fucking living room? In fact, why was Josh even here? He knew Niall asked if their drummer could come over because he hadn't actually seen him in forever and Liam had agreed very enthusiastically they really should hang out. But now, it seemed like the worst plan ever.

Okay, maybe he was a little jealous.

But he had a right to be. After all, Niall was his boyfriend.

He'd never get used to that.

Lucky for Liam's sanity, Josh didn't stay very much longer. He left, giving Niall a huge hug and an awkward wave to Liam. Which, the man honestly couldn't blame him for, considering Liam had been acting rather distant and cold the entire time. After the door shut behind him, his boyfriend instantly turn around to look at him, an upset glare apparently on his face. And well, Liam knew he has done something wrong.

“What is your problem, Li?”

Liam sighed, slightly annoyed. “I just don't like the way you and Josh were acting is all. I mean, did he really have to put an arm around you and act all-” Liam's hands wove around in the air, trying to grab onto the right word to say without making Liam sound like a jealous asshole, “Coupley? You're mine, not his.”

Niall's stare softened, but not by much. And Liam couldn't blame him, because that really wasn't exactly what he meant to say.

“Liam,” Niall began in a firm voice, “Josh and I are just friends. He was just a bit down lately and needed someone to lean on. In fact, he's having problems with a girl. He hasn't even thought about looking at a dick besides his own, Li.”

Liam's shoulders relaxed, and instantly he felt a bit guilty for even being jealous in the first place.

“And secondly, Liam.”

Liam met Niall's stern yet fragile gaze, and he knew he said something terribly wrong.

“I'm not- I'm not yours, Liam. I mean, we may be together, and I may be yours. But I'm not an thing you own, Li. I can have friends.”

“Oh,” Liam's breath hitched, “Oh Niall, I know that. God, I didn't mean-”

“Good.” Niall interrupted, a slight tremble in his voice and visible in his eyes. He watched Niall hug himself, like some form of protection, and Liam felt terrible. Because oh god, he did that to him. “Because I'm not an object, Li. I'm not- not something you can just use and toss away okay? I'm not, not just something you can have fun with and cling onto and not share with anyone else, and then walk away from alright? You can't do that.”

Liam walked up to his boyfriend, pulling him into a tight embrace. He knew what this was about, why Niall was so distraught and worried. And it hurt for Liam to imagine Niall would ever think that he would ever use him, but he was even more upset he gave the Irishman any reason to.

“Of course not Niall, I would never. You're worth more to me than anything- anyone else. You're everything to me.”

He felt Niall's hands wrap around him, hugging him back and he buried his face into Liam's shoulder. He heard his lover take a small breath, before mumbling, “You're such a sap. But that's why I like you, I think.”

And Liam almost said it, that he loved him. The words were almost out of his mouth, Just those three simple words. He told himself, just say it, he'll probably be okay with it. This is Niall we're talking about, he'll probably just smile, and a least thank you before complaining about being hungry and you two will go out to dinner and you'll have a nice time. And one day he'll love you, too.

But he choked on those three words as Niall lifted his head to capture Liam's lips with his own.

He pulled the blonde closer, patting his back so he knew that it was okay to jump up and wrap his legs around his waist. And Niall did so, giving Liam small, slow pecks and wrapping and arm around his neck as his other hand caressed his cheek. He took slow steps as he walked over to the sofa, laying down his lover gently and climbing on top when he got there. Niall looked up at him with a small grin on his face, his died hair loose and not styled, blue eyes big and glossy, and Liam couldn't help but give one in return.

“God, you're so beautiful, Niall.” He shook his head in disbelief, caressing his face before leaning down for a slow kiss. “Like, proper beautiful.”

Niall laughed, because of course only Niall could laugh at such a compliment. “Aw, shucks, Li. You really know how to sweep a girl off her feet!”

Liam pouted, “Can't help when I'm with the greatest guy I've ever laid eyes on.”

Niall's laughed died, but he still had a soft, small smile on his face.

“Liam,” he spoke, “Thanks a lot.”

Liam furrowed his brow, “For what? You don't have to thank me, Niall.”

“No,” He shook his head, “I do. You've literally been my best friend through all this, you've taken care of me when I was a total mess, you don't push me to do anything I'm not ready for, and you know all the shit I did and- and you're still here. With me, like this. Just- thank you.”

Liam frowned.

“Niall, is it really that hard to believe? Honestly, you've been one of my best friends for years now, you're always so bright and fun loving. You're laugh is literally one of the best sounds I've ever heard before in my life. You're a good person, someone everyone gravitates to and genuinely loves. Is it so hard to believe that me, of all people, could fall for you, too? Because in my opinion, you could do so much better than me. Niall, I-”

Liam's breath hitched, watching Niall's eyes widen in shock.

He hesitated, sitting up so he wasn't towering over the stunned boy. Niall followed him, leaning forward using his elbows for support.

They both knew, what he was about to say.

Saying, 'I love you,' to Niall for the first time was much harder to do than when he first said it to Danielle. Because when he first said it to Danielle, she had said it first. And well, he said it back, because that's just what you do when your girlfriend says I love you and you're young and believe you've met the one and you've never had a more beautiful girl even look at you before. But with Niall, it was a completely different story. This was Liam pouring his heart out to his best friend, someone who he normally would have beer and crisps with, not champagne and chocolate covered strawberries. This was someone he'd go watch the game with, not get dragged to a dance recital. He was telling someone who had gotten his heart broken by someone else that he loved him, without even knowing when or how it started. He knew that Niall probably didn't feel the same at this point and he might not ever love Liam to the extent he did, that Niall might not completely be capable of loving how deep and hard like he used to.

But Liam said it, just the same. Because Niall deserved to know there was someone out there unconditionally in love with him.

“I love you.”

The silence was murder, something Liam was expecting but knew would hurt no matter what outcome. Niall's blue eyes were huge and staring right into his and he looked so frozen, so shocked, Liam felt sad that it really was that unbelievable to him. Niall was shocked and Liam felt humiliated and all he wanted to do was run, run far away from here until he couldn't run anymore and jump off the London Bridge like some stupid cliché.

He was about to get up and run out the door to do that right then, but then he felt Niall's hand grab his arm to stop him from moving. He met those stormy eyes once more, fierce and open and almost scared.

“Show me.”

Liam looked from Niall's eyes, to the shaking hand gripping his arm tightly, then back at Niall's firm but fragile look on his face. He was like glass, hard and heavy but easily broken and oh so transparent.

He was like broken glass.

And Liam knew he couldn't.

“Niall...” He shook his head, and watched as Niall's grip faltered, “Not like this. I love you, I won't take advantage of you like this.”

Niall's head hung low, and Liam couldn't take it anymore. He stood up from the couch, giving Niall a small kiss on the head, before grabbing his coat and phone.

“I'm going to go out for some things we might need. I'll bring food, okay Niall?”

Niall nodded, a small, sad smile playing on his lips. “Okay, Li.”

“I love you.”

Liam left before he gave Niall the chance to respond.

Liam sighed, holding the bright lemon in his hand wondering just how everything got to this point. Niall was probably sitting at home, confused and rejected, while Liam was thinking of the best way to make lemon chicken for dinner and pretend that he didn't just change everything in their relationship.

He loved Niall, he really did. And he wanted Niall, wanted to love him and treat him well and completely wreck his body so he could cuddle and take care of him after wards then give him breakfast in the morning and a morning blow job. He wanted to have dinner with his parents and talk to his brother Greg about embarrassing stories from Niall's childhood, and take pictures with Theo, then bring Niall to have dinner with his family so his sister's could tease Liam about how gone he is for Niall, while he proves to his dad that yes, Niall really is what he wants. And it was too soon to talk about forever, but he hoped one day they could, when Niall was ready.

He wanted Niall, but only if and when Niall was ready to accept him. He refused to take advantage of Niall's emotionally compromised state and wanted to do this right. He didn't want their first time to be a sad attempt to prove Niall's worth; their first time would be about how much he loves Niall, and giving him the attention, respect, and care he deserves. And Niall didn't have to love him back, but he needed to at least be ready to sleep with someone again and not be triggered by bad memories.

It wasn't Harry's fault, the poor, clueless sap. Liam could never blame Harry, and neither could any of the other boys. The entire situation that all five of them were put into was messed up and unfortunate and probably the result of being a little too close to begin with, so it was hard to blame Harry for being human and making mistakes like all of them. But the truth was, Niall was the most hurt by all of this. And Niall was getting better, so much better. But that didn't mean Niall and Liam were ready to have sex.

He stared at the bright, yellow citrus, probably looking mad and depressed but he didn't really care. He wasn't sure what to do at this point.

“Hey, Liam.”

He jumped, not a whole lot, but enough to make a bit of a fool of himself as he dropped the lemon back onto the pile of yellow citrus.

He turned, facing the feminine voice with a smile and unorganized grace. And there she was, the blonde who Liam hadn't thought about for quite some time, but now a million different thoughts and questions were in his mind.

“P-Perrie?”

She wasn't nearly as dressed down as the last time he saw her in this store, but she certainly seemed more... tired. Her cute dress and slightly curled hair made her definitely stand out in a crowd. Her makeup was colourful yet subtle, with bold red lipstick that Liam admitted he missed being able to kiss on a woman (He had a thing for nice makeup on a girl, but that didn't mean he planned on cheating on Niall any time soon). But as beautiful as she looked, with a small smile for a greeting, she also seemed...

Very, very tired.

He tried to smile, act normal. But it was hard. It was true he was with Niall now, and that Zayn said he had an open relationship with Perrie at the time, but well... that still didn't completely clear Liam's conscience.

He may have been drunk, but alcohol wasn't a good excuse.

“Um, How's it going, Perrie?”

Perrie sighed, smiled, “Alright, just busy. I'm sure you know better than I do about that.”

“Yeah.”

It was weird, talking to Perrie alone. Last time, at least Niall was there to keep Liam company. But now, standing with someone who was the fiancee' of the first and only guy Liam ever slept with... He liked Perrie, so of course he felt guilty and bad.

Their situation and relationship definitely changed since the last time Liam saw her.

She pursed her lips, red lipstick slightly disappearing as she tried to find the words to say to Liam. And he wondered, once more, if she knew. That Liam slept with Zayn. Perrie loved Zayn, more than anything in the world. And he knew that she had some sort of bond with him, that she could tell when he did something, felt something. Their friendship, the weird, odd relationship Zayn had with Perrie...

It confused Liam, like many other things. Like Harry and Louis' relationship, like his own sexuality did sometimes. Like the weird and too close relationship he shared with all five of his bandmates, like Zayn's motives for marrying Perrie.

He wanted to ask her, why Zayn proposed to him. Why she said yes. If she knew what was on Zayn's mind. If she knew he slept with him, if Zayn slept with someone else when they were supposed to be engaged.

“Well,” Liam turned away from Perrie and grabbed the lemon he dropped back into the pile. He knew he wasn't going to ask her anything, and he didn't want to just stand their either. He had Niall to think about, to get back home to. Zayn and Perrie's relationship was theirs, not his. “It was nice seeing you, Per-”

“Liam!”

He felt Perrie's hand on his arm, surprised at her interjection. He faced Perrie, her blue eyes shining and desperate. He saw the question on her face and felt the nervous tremble in her hand. And he wondered, if he wasn't the only one with questions.

He took a cautious look around the store, glad that no one glanced over at them except for a old woman who gave them a disapproving glare. He sighed, “Don't be so loud, Perrie, you know it's hard to go out and actually find a store that not many people recognize you at.”

She nodded, taking her bottom lip between her teeth. He had never seen this side of Perrie, so insecure and hesitant. In fact, it made Liam uncomfortable. It wasn't like her, wasn't like the happy and energetic songstress he knew and was used to.

He sighed, but instantly put a concerned look on his face. Because well, he was. That was the kind of person Liam was, constantly worrying about others. “What is it, Perrie?”

“I need to talk to you.”

He couldn't say that was unexpected.

“Okay, what about, Pezza?”

She smiled, and though her eyes held sadness, she let out a sigh of relief.

“It's about Zayn, Liam.”

He coughed, scratching the back of his head. No woman in the world could make him so nervous, “Oh really? Actually, I had been wanting to talk to you about him, too.”

She blinked for a moment, before letting out a small chuckle. “Good. Ya wanna grab a bite to eat? I'm starving.”

Liam joined her, giving a smile before laughing quietly. “Sure, just let me get my groceries... oh, and call Niall. I need to let him know I'll be a bit late.”

Perrie grinned, “Niall's doing good now, right? I heard from Zayn he's been pretty down. Glad to know he's doing better.”

Liam pulled out his phone, staring at it for a moment and remembering their conversation earlier, how he'd given him that crazy, heat of the moment confession.

“Yeah, I am too.”

“...'Ello?”

“Hey, Niall? I was at the market, and I ran into Perrie.”

“Oh, Perrie? That's great. Tell her I say hi.”

“I will... and um, she said she wanted to get some dinner together... is that okay?”

“Oh... Yeah, that's cool. Have fun.”

“Thanks, I'll bring you back some food in a few hours. If you want, you can have someone over... Like call Josh or Louis or a friend, I don't mind... Well, you know you can do whatever.”

“I know Li, don't worry your pretty little head over me... And I've been thinking about what you said, earlier.”

“I know Niall, and I get it. You don't have to know right away, it's totally fine. And we can talk about it later, okay?”

“I know... I just wanted to say-”

“I'll be back soon, okay? And you and I can talk in person.”

“...Okay.”

“And I meant it, what I said. I do, I mean...”

“I know.”

“...good. I- I lo-.”

“Okay, Li. We'll talk about it later, like you said.”

“...I'll see you in a little while.”

Liam watched as Perrie ate her burger, red lipstick already taken off of her lips before diving in to grab chips off of Liam's own plate minutes ago. She really was a fun person to hang out with, her silly faces and easy way of handling the waiter who nearly fainted at the sight of Liam and Perrie together.

She handled it pretty well, hugging the poor boy and complementing him on his frosty coloured hair. When Liam smiled and said he was glad to meet a fan, he was pretty sure the teen was about to loose his mind like many girls had done before. Their waiter, Charlie his name was, asked about why the two of them were eating dinner together. And Liam answered with a, “Perrie and I are good friends.” While Perrie playfully punched him in the arm and said, “Oh, he just wants to interrogate his best friend's future missus, is all. He actually hates me.”

They had a good laugh, and now they were eating chips and bad 'American' food that probably wasn't on either of their dietary plans. But Perrie didn't seem to care, and neither did Liam, honestly.

She smiled, genuine and lipstick free, and took a sip of her drink before speaking.

“I just wanted to thank you, Liam.”

Well, now Liam was confused.

“Thank me?” He chuckled nervously, “For what?”

“Well...” Perrie tucked a curl behind her ear, “I know that it must be hard. Zayn's told me all that you've done for Niall. And it's really selfless of you, it is.”

Liam laughed lightly, shaking his head, “It's not selfless. He's my friend, I've always cared about him. And he's more than just that, he's- he's really amazing, Perrie. And I never knew it.”

Her smile turned to one of understanding, “You must love him.”

“I-” he swallowed, staring across the table, at this woman. “I do. I mean, I don't know much about love, I guess. But I know that he makes me want to say it. All the time.”

“Have you told him you love him?”

Liam nodded.

“That's good. Niall's deserves to be loved by a guy like you.”

Liam chuckled, “No, he deserves better.”

Perrie drummed her fingernails on the table, before the smile from her face faded away. “With an attitude like that, he really does.”

Liam frowned. “Hey, now.”

“What?” She shrugged, “If you don't have the self worth then how do you ever expect Niall to find his sticking with a guy like you?”

And as much as Liam didn't want to admit it, Perrie's point was true.

“A relationship, and love, isn't about putting one before yourself. It's about working together, finding each others flaws and accepting them for it anyway and helping them better themselves. It's about calling the other out on their mistakes and helping them fix it, and it's about being selfless sometimes too. It's a partnership, Liam.”

Liam sighed, looking at Perrie's tired face and never failing smile. And he couldn't help it, the slight sarcasm that came out of his voice.

“Like you and Zayn, right?”

The expression on her face that replaced her now failing smile- hurt.

Liam took it as his chance, to ask her the question that was on his mind for months now.

“Perrie.”

He reached for her hand across the table, and took it. Her piercing blue eyes looked down at their now touching hands, then back up to meet Liam's. She looked crushed, which just confirmed what Liam already figured out- Perrie knew Zayn didn't love her, not enough to marry her and actually be happy.

“Why are you letting Zayn marry you? I know you love him, More than anything. But he doesn't... He doesn't love you, Perrie. He told me he didn't feel like you did. So why is he... he's so depressed, Perrie. Why?”

She closed her eyes, and took in a deep breath before staring at Liam in disbelief.

“You really don't know, do you?”

And well, that made Liam lean back in confusion.

“Know what?”

Perrie laughed, but this time is wasn't lighthearted. “Oh wow, and you all think Louis and Harry are the thick headed ones.”

Liam frowned, furrowing his brows. “That's not nice, Perrie.”

She sighed, before smiling. But this time, it seemed a bit condescending, “I know, Liam. I just thought you might have been helping Zayn smile a bit more lately. The past few times I've seen him, He's been in a pretty good mood. If you took some time to stop worrying a little bit and actually saw something with your own two eyes, you might be able to see his mood hasn't been nearly as bad lately. In fact, he's smiled a lot more at me. I just thought- well, I thought I might have to give you a lecture about Niall.”

“What does Zayn have to do with Niall?”

“Nothing, but this have everything to do with you.”

Liam sighed, letting go of Perrie's hand, and crossing his arms. “I don't see how. Zayn barely even talks to me anymore. He's been talking to Harry, mostly. And he's been carrying around his phone lately and leaving meetings early. He's says he's been meeting you.”

Perrie shook her head, “No, I only see him when we plan dates. He says he's been staying late to work on a new album with you guys or doing something for management.”

Liam bit his lip. This was it, when Liam would have to break the news to her. He didn't want to, but he almost felt like... he had to.

“Perrie...” Liam bit his lip, “I know you guys used to have an- open relationship before you got engaged. But I don't know if you knew this but... I think he's cheating on you.”

“Well of course I knew he was, but I thought it was with you.”

The way she said it so, 'matter of fact', made Liam more shocked than anything.

“Wait- so you're okay with Zayn cheating on you?”

Perrie scoffed, “Well as long as Zayn's finally found someone who can make him happy, then who am I to tell him who he can be with or not? I don't care who he's with, as long as he's happy and the person treats him right. I know that person's not me, Liam. I know Zayn loves me, but I'm not the one who can make him happy.”

Liam surged forward, trying to make his next point loud and clear, “Then why are you letting him marry you, Perrie?”

It took her longer than Liam would have liked to face him. But when she did, the smile she gave...

it was heart breaking.

“Liam...” her voice trembled, and her eyes had a watery shine.

“A girl can dream, right?”

Liam closed the front door behind him, carrying a bag of food in his hand and a pondering thought in his mind.

“Li, you're home!”

He turned his head, and greeted Niall, who sat on the couch with a guitar in his lap, with a smile. “Hey, love. Sorry that took so long, you must be starving.”

Niall shrugged, “It's fine. Perrie's real cool. It's not often you get to see her, ya know? She sure is some girl.”

Liam grinned, “You seem to be in a good mood.”

Niall laughed, and oh God, did Liam love to hear it. He watched the infectious lad set down his guitar and grin, “I am! And actually, I wanted to talk to you. About what you said earlier-”

“I understand if you don't feel the same-”

“Liam.”

He looked up, prepared for some rejection or speech about not being able to love for a long time. He expect some I'm sorry, or anything like that.

“I just wanted to say, you were right.”

Liam watched Niall as he walked up to him, frozen in place and in awe of this beauty. The blonde to his hands in his, and smiled up at him. “I don't want anything between you and me to be forced, or to be about trying to constantly prove a point or your feelings or getting rid of my own insecurities. You've done a lot for me, Liam. And I wasn't lying, when I told you I felt ready. But I want it to be happy and not something where you're trying to comfort me. You're my partner, Li. When the time comes, I want to be able to give you just as much as you give me.”

Liam chuckled, “Partner, huh?”

“Yep!” Niall laughed, giving him a slight peck on the cheek and a playful hit in the arm, “You're my partner.”

“But who am I kidding? I'm not Zayn's future wife, or partner, or anything like that. I'm just the friend, when it comes down to it. And I mean, I'm okay with that, really, truly I am... but sometimes, when I'm all alone, I wonder how it would feel like if-”

“If what?”

Liam placed a hand on Niall's cheek, kissing him softly in their doorway.

“If for just one day, one moment-”

Niall grinned, “Now, I'm starving. Let's eat and then get some sleep, okay?”

“if he looked at me, if he talked about me, and if he loved me...”

Liam returned the smile, “Sounds like a plan.”

“Like I do him.”

Liam went to bed that night, arms wrapped around Niall, and wondering what it was like to be Perrie Edwards.

Chapter Text

Liam didn't know whether to laugh, or to scream when he saw the cheap tabloid cover.

He went with his first thought, laughing and tossing the magazine back onto the table. “Wow, they really are desperate for a story, aren't they?”

He looked at the other four boys, and realized none of them were laughing. Not even Louis, who's grip on Harry's side made even Liam flinch. And Zayn, the least. Which, well, was understandable Liam supposed.

It's not every day you see a suggestive photo of your band mate holding your fiance's hand across the table at a secluded restaurant, with the caption, “Secret love affair between Liam Payne and bandmate's Fiancee, Perrie Edwards???” in the tabloids.

“Oh come on, guys,” Liam sighed, “You don't seriously believe I'd ever have anything going on with Perrie, do you? We saw each other in a food market and decided to have dinner, catch up, chat... I even called Niall and told him I was going to dinner with her.”

The other three boys turned to look at Niall, who nodded in confirmation, biting his lip.

Louis tried give a small grin, letting go of Harry to place his arm around Niall's shoulder. Which must have been the first true interaction Louis had given the Irishman since the whole fiasco on Liam's living room, where he found out about Harry and Niall's more than friendly relationship. “Just making sure you weren't behind our Nialler's back, here.”

“Not to mention Zayn.” Harry interjected, looking over to the engaged member leaning against the wall, “I mean, Perrie is your... fiancee, right?”

Zayn and Harry shared a look which confused the hell out of Liam.

After a few seconds, Zayn shrugged. “I'll just have Perrie and I go out on a date tonight. In fact,” the smoker looked up at Liam, which he could have sworn was the first time they met each others eyes in months.

They were steady, but nervous.

Liam wanted to ask him, if Zayn was seeing someone, and if it was the same person Liam knew he brought over months ago when he just got engaged. Why he couldn't love Perrie. Why he would marry her.

He wanted to know, if Perrie knew Liam and Zayn slept together. And he wanted to know, if Zayn really was happy. He wanted to know what happened to their friendship, what changed between them.

He needed to know if, when they slept together that drunken night, Liam fucked everything up.

“Why don't the three of us go out? Or better yet, I'll have Perrie bring Leigh-Anne and the four of us could go out. We'll clear up the rumour you're a “home wrecker”, that Perrie's a “cheating slut”, and it'll make management happy to make it appear you went to Perrie for advice on how to take out Leigh.”

“But that's not very fair to Niall, is it?” Louis sassed. “I mean, Liam is dating him, not one of your girlfriend's 'bestie's'.”

They never confirmed their relationship with the other boys, and Liam was glad they didn't have to.

He looked at his Niall, who shrugged and tried to make it seem as if it wasn't a big deal. But his eyes held a different story. And Liam wanted to comfort him, to say that no, he wasn't going to go on a date with some girl.

But he did he really have a choice?

Liam sighed.

“The four of us... can hang out tonight, and if the paparazzi makes an assumption about me and Leigh-Anne... well, that's none of our concern.”

Louis looked like he was about to murder Liam, his crystal blue eyes piercing through Liam's skull. The oldest member stormed out of the room, his boyfriend trailing behind him, but not before giving Niall and Liam a sympathetic glance.

It wasn't like Louis had any room to talk anyway, having been in a fake relationship for over three years.

Zayn's glanced between Liam and Niall quickly, before he too decided to turn around and leave, “I'll let you two talk it over, I'm gonna call Perrie and have a smoke...”

Even after the door closed, Niall and Liam didn't say a word. Niall's arms were crossed against his chest, and Liam leaned against the desk, wondering what he could say to make things easier.

The truth was, they knew it wouldn't be easy. They knew, from the very start of- whatever they had, that they couldn't be out like Harry and Louis. It was too soon, and it would be public and not private or personal at all. Management would be a bitch, and it would put added strain onto their just budding relationship. Liam didn't want Perrie or Zayn to be seen in a bad light either, so the only thing he could do, besides releasing a completely unnecessary personal statement and a short tweet, was go on an outing with Perrie, Zayn, and another girl.

Liam bit his lip, hoping Niall wasn't mad at him. “I don't have to do this if you don't want me to, Niall. I'd only do this with your permission, and it's not like Leigh-Anne wouldn't know it was just to help Perrie out.”

Niall brought a hand to his mouth, nervously chewing on his fingernail. “I know Liam... I don't want you to, but I understand. And I know you'd never cheat on me, ever.”

He nodded, not sure what else to say.

Niall breathed his exhale with a slight shudder, “It's just... you're not going to start dating people for publicity or to hide our relationship or some other shit like that are you? Cause I can't do that, Li. I'm not gonna let you pull that shit Louis did to Harry and Eleanor on me, okay?

“Oh God, Niall, no. Of course I wouldn't do that to you.” Liam rushed to Niall, placing a hand on either side and pulling him in close, “I love you, Niall. There's no way I could be with someone else, even if it was fake.”

Niall sighed, “It's just- it's not fair.”

Liam raised a hand to gently push Niall's unstyled hair back. “I know-”

Niall broke away from Liam, frustrated.

“Why is it even a question whether or not Perrie is really staying truthful? Why would people even think you two were together? Why is it okay for you to hold her hand and for you to go on dates with her bandmates? Because she's a girl? Is that why you get to be linked to her, instead of me? Why is it such a big deal, if we're together? Cause we're two men?!”

Liam couldn't do anything but give a small frown, crossing his arms across his chest. “Yes, Niall.”

“It's bullshit!”

Liam understood why Niall slammed his fist into the wall, and broke off some of the plaster. He got why Niall ran his fingers through his hair, upset at the fact things couldn't be simpler. He accepted the way his accent seemed even thicker when he cursed, enraged. Liam felt the same way.

He wondered why they couldn't just be themselves. They didn't want anything, except for to be able to live without constantly feeling judged or watched. They didn't need to be out and proud, having interviews and attending red carpet events and holding hands in public or singing to each other in the park and kissing at concerts.

But they knew they could never have that luxury of not being judged for something.

Liam walked over him, pulling him into a hug and kissing the top of his head. He calmed down the Irishman, running a hand through his hair and slowly bringing back that ray of sunshine Liam couldn't live without.

“I know, Nialler. But this is only temporary.”

Niall chuckled quietly, nuzzling his face into Liam's chest. “Oh God, Li, I-”

Niall's breath hitched, and Liam could feel him freeze in his arms, the blonde's embrace now rigid and stiff around his waist.

“I think-”

And Liam's heart burned, selfishly praying to God that Niall would say the words he longed to hear. The words that, not even a year ago, would have left him confused and wondering what the hell was Niall taking to make him so delusional.

Niall laughed, as if he had just heard something unbelievable.

“I think I'm really starting to fall for ya, Li.”

Something within Liam snapped, and he bent over to attack Niall's lips with his own and shoved him, forcefully, against the desk. His hand slid up the Irishman's shirt while he worked on getting Niall to open his mouth, biting the blonde's bottom lip as his nails raked across his pale chest. He could feel the blond shiver, could hear the moan growling at the back of his throat and it drove him crazy, like nothing else Liam had ever felt before. Niall's right hand went to grip onto the back of his jersey while the left gripped onto the edge of his desk in support. And Liam knew he was crowding Niall, that he didn't ask if this was okay or if he was ready but he couldn't really care. Not when Niall was slowly becoming a mewling mess at Liam's nails scratching across his pectoral and his lips abandoning his mouth to nibble suck at his jugular.

He used his free hand to help lift Niall's bum onto the desk, and once he was sitting on top of all those useless tabloid magazines with pictures of Liam and Perrie plastered on, Liam slid his hand to rest inside the back of Niall's jeans, to knead and finally feel that soft and sweet ass he'd been dying to get his hands on. Niall opened his legs with a loud moan and Liam gladly stepped closer, pushing Niall closer to him to grind their hips together. He made his way up to Niall's lips again, kissing the base of his neck, his chin, just below the mouth before diving in and meeting Niall's tongue and swallowing up the moan in the back of his lover's throat.

Their hips rocked together, gently, and Liam released a low moan of Niall's name in his open mouth. Niall's hand on his back found its way lower, and it was only when he felt those calloused hands unzipping his jeans did he realize how unbelievably tight his trousers felt. He grind his hips against Niall's hand, smirking at the surprised gasp this love let out.

“Oh God, Li, you're huge-”

Liam chuckled, unbuttoning Niall's shorts with a hand, “Tell me something I don't know.”

It was now his turn to gasp, Niall suddenly cupping his erection and massaging, almost painfully. It felt incredible, to feel him fondling him though his open jeans and, admittingly, already damp boxers.

Niall laughed, breathless as he went to kiss down Liam's neck. His thick accent drove Liam crazy, “Ya 're a cocky fecker, aren't ya, Li?” Niall leaned in to whisper in his ear, “But wit ya goin' nuts just from my hand, I wonder how long you're gonna be able to keep up when me mouth-”

Liam growled, low, and reached down to pull Niall's hand away from him and pushed him farther onto the desk. He laughed, pulling down Niall's shorts, along with his briefs in one go. It made the blonde whimper at the sudden freedom and cool air, and Liam lifted his shirt up so he could bend over and place gentle kisses on his pale, toned stomach. The sight of Niall, all pale, flushed skin, and his pretty cock standing shamelessly tall did things to him, and he couldn't help but grasp tightly at the base of his erection.

“Jesus fecking Christ, Li-”

He didn't let Niall finished his thought, and leaned down to capture his mouth once more as his right hand began to work both of them together.

He found himself panting and gasping along Niall, the feeling of their erections rubbing together as Niall slid a hand up his jersey and traced every indent of his abdomen. The way he threw his head back like a practiced porn star, the way his creamy thighs squeezed tightly around his waist all made Liam feel like he went insane with this lust and desire, with this love and adoration. It was so hard for him to keep his eyes open, but he couldn't look away, and he knew he wouldn't last very long. Not with the way their dicks rubbed together, slick and wet with large amounts of precum and the way Niall's hands daringly left the support of the desk to wrap around his neck and pull him close. And the only comfort in knowing that he wouldn't last long, was the fact the Niall obviously couldn't go on like this for much longer, either.

All the sexual frustration, all the days where Liam would get up early to get in a quick wank after his morning run in the shower. After that night on the phone, of Niall telling him he was ready for the right moment, of him begging to show him how much he loved him... this may not have been the right moment or the right place but it certainly felt right, like the sore ache in his hand around their cocks and Niall nearly crying from the overwhelming pleasure he felt.

“Niall,” Liam panted his name, bringing his lover close to taste his sweet, open mouth once more, “'I love you so much, Niall.”

“Li...” Niall gasped, a short whine coming from his mouth and onto Liam's lips, “Oh God, Liam, I-”

“So fucking beautiful, Niall.”

Niall slid his left hand down from Liam neck, and let his fingertips graze over his heated skin and the dark trail on his abdomen, down to where Liam's right hand was working them fast. And did he work quick, Liam sliding his hand down to work on the base while Niall took the top half of their wet erections. And there was something strangely intimate, the way they worked themselves off together, getting off on the feeling of the other. Liam gripped Niall's waist tightly with his free hand, digging his fingernails into that beautifully pale skin and pressed their hips together so their hands were almost trapped by their pelvic bone and their hands bumped together in no particular rhythm. It was fast and sloppy but it wasn't like they had much time left before one of the boys would come in.

“Li... Oh God Liam, I want you. Want you in me so bad, Li. Fuck-.. Please, Li...”

Niall's words, the way he talked like a whore but looked like an angel. The way he begged without any shame... It made him want to take him right now, on this wooden desk and fuck him into oblivion, until the only word Niall even knew was his name. But he knew that'd be reckless and hurt him too bad without lube and proper prep.

“You'd like that,” Liam murmured, biting and bruising Niall's creamy white neck, “Wouldn't you? You'd like making love on top of my old desk, all those rumours printed in the tabloids scattered across the room as I fucked you-” Liam emphasized the word with a harsh thrust of his hips, making Niall fucking whimper, “hard and told you how good you take it like a proper whore, huh Niall?”

“Oh God, Liam, yes-”

Niall was loud, and Liam loved it.

He kept talking, “But no, I'm not gonna let that happen. I'm gonna let the first time I take you be in our bed, rose petals scattered across the floor as the room is dimly lit and Usher's playing, as I slowly open you up, first with my tongue-”

“Jesus Christ, Li-”

“-then with my fingers, stretching you so good you can take even four nice and easy.” the words flew from his mouth without thinking, his grip on Niall's side even tighter and leaving marks, his hips mimicking a slow grind. “And once you've come from just my fingers, I'll enter you, roll slowly inside you and get you to come again, my cock filling you up nice and good and to the brim, hitting your sweet spot every time-”

“Oh fuck, Li, I'm gonna-”

“And I'll make you fucking cry, Niall, make you cry from how good and full you feel, from how much I love you-”

Niall squealed loudly, coming in hot, white spurts over their hands and shirts, shaking as his toes curled and hand flew from their dicks to thread cum in Liam's hair as he gripped tightly. Liam milked him through it, trying to get every last drop he could from him before moving his death grip on Niall's side to his lower back. He pulled him close, gently, even though he didn't know how much closer he could get. He kissed Niall once more, tongues sliding and spit dripping obscenely from their mouths until Liam couldn't take it anymore and came as well, cum shooting out and mixing with Niall's already cooling ejaculation on their bodies and clothes.

Liam pulled back a few inches, allowing himself to breathe and get his breath taken away again while looking into Niall's dilated and stormy, blue eyes. And if Niall's shocked expression mirrored his in any way, the both were pretty amazed at what just happened.

Niall laughed, loudly, and for some reason, Liam felt like joining him.

“Holy shit, Liam, please tell me I don't have to wait months like the last time for this to happen again.”

Liam chuckled softly, giving Niall a sweet kiss on his brow.

“Alright, Nialler.”

Liam watched as Zayn paced back and forth, scratching at the back of his hair and thumbing the pack of cigarettes in his pocket like a nervous wreck. He had been watching him all night, whispering to Harry every five seconds and Harry giving him a large smile and a nice pat on the back, whispering a few words in his ear that seemed to be words of encouragement, before turning back to Louis and kissing the confused smirk off his face just because he could, now that they were out and together and could do things like hold hands and staring into each others eyes lovingly at the brit awards.

He noticed how Zayn's eyes darted around back stage, as if trying to find someone. But he knew that if he was looking for his fiancee, Perrie wouldn't be backstage getting ready to perform for another 30 minutes, after they had already finished. So the big question was: who had Zayn all anxious and twitchy?

Liam's first guess was the person he must be sleeping with behind Perrie's back, was here, at the awards as well.

He walked over to Zayn giving him a friendly smile before saying, “You know, there's nothing to be nervous about, we've done this a million times.”

Zayn looked up at Liam, as if startled, then laughed lightly, “Yeah, I guess. It's just- I'm feeling a little weird about tonight, not quite sure why.”

“Well,” began, happy that Zayn wasn't angry or ignoring him, “if it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure that what's going to happen tonight, is we'll go out there and perform, Harry and Louis are going to 'accidently' look at each other the entire time, you'll hit your crazy high note better than any girl ever could, and then afterwords we'll dick around backstage before returning to our seats and having to deal with Niall eating everything in sight and those two idiots getting drunk and sneaking off to have sex in the bathroom before they even announce we've one best musical group, best single or biggest fans.”

Zayn laughed, because well, all Liam said was pretty spot on.

“God, Liam, you're so fucking right.”

He took a moment to take in Zayn's features. The way he smiled, something Liam hadn't seen on his face in- well, he didn't know how long. The way his eyes didn't seem as burdened, as if they finally got their spark back. Even his hair looked healthier, and while Zayn never looked bad...

He just looked so much better.

Liam grinned, and because he couldn't help it, opened his big mouth, “I'm so glad you're happy, Zayn.”

Zayn furrowed his brow, confused, “What do you mean?”

“It's just...” He continued smiling, sweet and happy, “that's the first time you've smiled at me in weeks, Zayn. I'm just really glad that whatever, or whoever, that's been getting you through this is around. You deserve to be happy, Zayn.”

His band mate smiled back, weakly. “Thanks, Liam... means a lot coming from you.”

And even though it soundly slightly bitter, he knew Zayn meant it.

The performance went great, and if Louis and Harry weren't they only two stealing glances at each other during the song... well, no one had to know except for their over analytical fans.

Liam was the last to leave the stage after talking to the host, and just as he was coming down from the high of performing, he noticed Zayn freeze behind Niall, the way he looked like he suddenly forgot how to move.

Harry grinned, dimples full on display and charming, “George!!! So good to see you, congrats on Union J's nomination!”

There was George Shelley, with big brown eyes and giant, wavy hair that reminded him of something Harry used to have, grinning shyly and politely reaching out to shake his hand. To which Harry replied with an almost insulted look before pulling the confused popstar in for a hug.

“Haha, thanks Harry?”

“Let's take an picture together!”

And as Harry messed with his hair to make his bangs come forward to match George, Liam turned to watch Niall great JJ and Josh, and a slightly annoyed Jaymi glare at Zayn, who turned away with a rather guilty expression.

He wondered what that was all about.

After Harry updated his instagram and twitter (with the obnoxious line-I finally found my twin, guys!), Louis walked over and gave his signature line- the one that always made everyone quite aware he was jealous-, “Alright, if you're quite finished boys.” Which made Harry turn around and grin, giving Louis a quick peck on the cheek.

“Oh,” George smiled, fixing his hair nervously, “Congratulations, by the way! I know it must have been hard keeping it a secret. It's really nice that you two can be out and open about who you are, and no one can say anything about it!”

Louis smiled, though Liam could tell it was reserved for when he didn't particularly agreed with someone or just felt a little bit sassy, “Well, people still say plenty, we just don't pay them any attention.”

Harry smiled though, taking Louis' hand and squeezing it tight, as if he didn't notice Louis' sour mood, “Thanks George, it means a lot coming from you. And we're really happy about it! It was hard yeah, but Lou's worth it.”

Liam wanted to congratulate Harry as well, for being able to placate Louis' jealously so well. The older instantly softened, looking up at Harry with only what could be considered as fondness in his eyes.

George breathed, “Wow...”

Louis looked over to him raising a challenging eyebrow.

“They couldn't have kept it a secret any longer,” Zayn walked up behind George, the slightly younger boy turn around, almost surprised he had spoken to him at all, “Not with the way they look like their about to rip each others clothes off.”

George laughed, no, freaking giggled, and seemed to forgot that he was just talking to Louis and Harry all together. And the odd thing that Liam noticed, was how Zayn seemed to forget too.

They were smiling at each other, even though Jaymi was still throwing daggers with his eyes and Josh had a small, sad look on his face as JJ was distracted, showing Niall photos of his child. Louis looked slightly confused before Harry leaned over knowingly and whispered in his ear. Then Harry's eyes found Liam's, as if he was giving him a small warning.

Zayn was the first to speak up, giving George a real smile, the kind that made his teeth show and his eyes seem vibrant and big, “Hey, George.”

George bit his lip and fixed his bangs once more before sighing in a strange, happy content way, “Hey, Zayn. Long time no see.”

Zayn smirked, playfully pointing a finger at him, “Really? Cause I'm pretty sure I saw you a few days ago somewhere.”

George grinned, laughing like it was actually something funny, “Ah, yes, now I remember!”

Jaymi mumbled under his breath, standing close enough that Liam could hear the, “Jesus fucking christ,” meant for no one to hear, like he couldn't stand the sight of them being friendly. Liam was slightly confused himself, wondering exactly what was going on as Zayn went to give George a tight hug.

Zayn held onto him tightly, like him and George we're actually close or good friends, like he was one of the boys. Which was weird, because Zayn never liked to give people long hugs-

And then- Oh.

Oh.

Liam got it now.

George Shelley was the one Zayn was seeing behind Perrie's back, the one who was giggling and talking to Zayn while Liam was on the other side of the door, trying to get his attention.

And Liam wanted to intervene. He wanted to remind Zayn that he shouldn't be seeing him, that he was supposed to be marrying Perrie in a few months time. That he was only going to hurt not only her, but George as well. He wanted to remind Zayn that it was wrong to do this, that it wasn't fair. That George was part of a boyband that was slowly becoming a major threat to them. He wanted to tell him that seeing George Shelley was the worst idea in the world, that someone might find out how unfaithful he's been.

But he couldn't.

Not when Zayn looked so happy, grinning like an idiot and no longer fumbling with the pack of cigarettes in his pocket, no longer looking anxious or lost or like he didn't know what to do. In fact, Zayn was looking at George with the same amount of fondness that Louis looked at Harry just a minute ago with.

And he didn't even know it.

“George!”

Liam turned to see who was calling George, and noticed it was Jesy, walking up with an all knowing smirk on her face and her arms stretched out to give her friend a hug. She looked absolutely stunning, all curves and hair with boots and dark lipstick, looking so much like a woman it did something to Liam. Jade and Leigh-Anne walked up next, and Perrie didn't trail far behind, with what seemed like a brave face and bright, red lipstick as she gave Zayn and kind smile. Suddenly, it seemed like Zayn was nervous again, giving his fiancee a smile as he put an arm on his waist politely and a kiss on her cheek. Which explained why Zayn was so nervous earlier, with both his fiancee and his lover going on to perform right after him.

He noticed the way George looked slightly hurt at Zayn and Perrie's interaction, and wondered if Perrie noticed it to.

After letting go of Jesy, and saying hi to Leigh-Anne and Jade, George slowly made his was over to Liam, a smile on his face, but a determined look in his eye. He held out his hand, which Liam took.

“Hey, Liam, hope you're night is going well.”

Liam tried not to seem as confused as he was, at the way George so formally greeted him. He did his best to smile back, and instead of shaking George's hand, pulled him in for quick, friendly hug.

“No need to be so formal with me man, it's nice to see you.”

George let out a sigh of relief, smiling, this time a bit more genuine. “Thanks, Liam.”

Liam scratched the back of his head, trying think of the right way to ask the question that's been on his mind.

“So, you and Zayn are good friends?”

George nodded, fixing his bangs for what seemed like the millionth time in the last five minutes. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. We hang out a lot.”

Liam chuckled, dry, “I'm sure.”

George bit his lip, looking like he was about to say something.

And Liam almost wished he would.

But instead, his focus tore from George back to Perrie, who gave her fiance a sweet, kind smile, even when he wasn't looking at her. It was as if she understood, that she saw what Liam did, how badly Zayn twitched and fumbled with the pack of smokes in his pocket while he held the blonde close. And Liam wondered once more, what it was like to be Perrie Edwards, what she must be thinking as she watched Zayn watch George.

And then, Perrie Edwards did something he never thought he'd witness.

She gave her love a peck on his clean shaven face, getting him to turn back to her. Then she leaned in to whisper something in his ear, and whatever it was made his eyes widened. And just as he barely heard Zayn say, “What? but... Perrie-” in a shocked and almost hurt voice, he saw Perrie slip a hand into his jacket pocket, and take the pack of cigarettes out.

And then she shushed him, and whispered something else, something Liam desperately wanted to hear, but couldn't.

If Zayn's frown was anything to go by, it wasn't good.

But Perrie was smiling, encouraging, holding onto Zayn's hands and kissing his cheek lovingly, then reached up to caress his face. Her eyes were glossed over and her smile wavered only slightly as she spoke a barely audible, “Goodbye, Zayn.”

And then everything moved quickly after that, Union J already about to perform and Perrie running off to sound check with the rest of the girls, hiding her face with the back of her hand so no one could see her crying. And then, One direction was ushered out, moved quickly back to their table by the workers in charge of making sure the event when smoothly. Liam found himself sitting down with the rest of the boys in their seats, Harry and Louis on one side, Niall and Liam on the other and Zayn in the middle, and wondering almost how he got there.

He watched as Zayn reached into his pocket, and pull out something small. The engaged man stared at his hand, almost in disbelief.

Liam leaned over, his voice filled with concern for his best friend, “Is everything okay, Zee? What was that about just now?”

Zayn let out a short breath, and leaned back in his chair, almost in disbelief. It got the other three band member's attention, Louis and Niall letting out a joint, “Holy shit,” as they stared at Zayn's hand, them being the closest to Zayn and could actually see what was in it.

Liam and Harry leaned in farther, and both had their own shocked expressions as they realized what Perrie slipped into his pocket.

A beautiful engagement ring, the diamonds glittering brightly from the lights and a striking contrast against his dark skin, lay in his palm. The same ring that was sparkling on Perrie's pale finger just a moment ago.

“She broke it off. We're not getting married.”

Niall put a comforting hand on his shoulder, looking at Zayn with all the patience and concern that a mother would. “Are you... okay, man?”

Zayn's breathes were shaking, but he nodded his head. “Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.”

“You sure, Zayn?”

Harry met Zayn's eyes, and they shared a conversation, one they didn't need to have words to speak.

“Yeah, I'm gonna be alright.”

Liam saw Zayn tuck the ring back into his pocket, and look up to give Harry and the rest of the boys a strong smile. And Liam was pretty sure Zayn was gonna be alright too.

“She says she's marching to her own beat now.”

Chapter Text

Niall never thought he’d tell Harry one day that Liam and Louis went outside for a smoke together, but he just did.

Harry just nodded, sitting down besides Niall. The blonde cuddled into his side, something that, when it first started, Niall wasn’t as relaxed or okay with doing. But with how things have been lately… the only people it felt like the four of them could rely on, was each other. And the four of them now took comfort in each other each finding different ways to cope and deal with the loss. Niall finds comfort in being held. Sometimes it’s Louis, most of the time it’s Liam. And whenever the four of them hung out, and Liam and Louis went out the back door to have a quick smoke, it was Harry. Which recently, had begun to be an occurrence that happened a lot.

“Where’s Lou and Li?”

“They… They went outside. For a smoke.”

“…Oh.”

He remembered how Harry had first sat beside him, hesitating before a long limb wrapped around his shoulder. And Niall has froze, the feeling of fitting imperfectly into his embrace a distant memory until now. Harry gave him a small smile, and it was enough for Niall to cautiously lean his head against his chest. Harry gave his bicep a small squeeze and spoke in that low voice.

“It’s not your fault, you know.”

And Niall knew that- but he couldn’t help but feel guilty. Guilty for not seeing the signs, guilty for not being there like he was for him.

But he knew this was for the best right now. They all did.

Zayn needed time. He needed to find himself.

Currently, Liam and Louis both walked inside, and gave their significant others big smiles, before Louis rushed over to cuddle onto Niall’s other side. Liam laughed.

“Trading spouses are we?”

Harry grinned, “You know it. Get over here, big boy.”

They stayed on the couch until late, the closeness between the four of them not filling up the distance they felt.

They just weren’t complete without him.

Harry was the one Zayn went to when he said he broke things off with George.

They had sat there all night, in the luxurious hotel room that felt way too big for either of them. Zayn sighed, running a hand through his hair, no product to be seen in it. Harry didn’t ask questions; he didn’t need to. Instead he poured him a drink.

“He told me he wasn’t going to wait for me this time.”

Harry couldn’t blame him.

“I’m grateful for everything that he’s done, but- I’m just not quite ready.”

“You need to do what’s best for you, Zayn.”

After Harry said that, there was a flash of resolution in Zayn’s eyes. And Harry knew it wasn’t a matter of if, but when.

Louis remembered when Zayn told him.

It was a few months after Perrie broke it off. They had been sitting in Zayn’s living room, sharing a joint (something they rarely did nowadays), watching some footie and working on a new song. It blind sighted him- Louis’ gaze shifted from the ashtray to Zayn, and he hoped the shock wasn’t as apparent on his face as his felt in his chest.

But even as shocked as he was, Louis couldn’t say he was surprised. Taken off guard, yes. Surprised? No.

He realized this was something Zayn had been thinking about for a long time. And Louis knew that, as bitter as he felt, that deep down… Zayn needed this. He needed to be free. As much as they all loved each other, Zayn felt like he was the piece that didn’t quite fit. It wasn’t true. Louis wasn’t himself with Zayn. None of them were. But they all saw it these past few months.

Zayn needed to start living for himself. Not for them.

He put out the joint, sighing and placing a firm grip on both of his thighs.

“I understand.”

Zayn had reached over and patted him on the back, and it wasn’t until then did he realize he was crying.

Niall was the last to know.

They were in the hotel room turned makeshift meeting place, Liam, Harry and Louis. Each of them had a guilty look as he walked in, and he walked up, taking off his shades and panting. “Sorry, I woke up late. What’s up?”

There was an awkward silence, as their manager pulled out papers, and Niall saw the large words that were printed in red only once before when Harry and Louis pulled their stunt. The three boys’ signatures were on it. And that was when Niall realized, that he wasn’t here.

“Where’s Zayn?”

He could feel his chest pound, and the feeling of dread overcome him. He didn’t need to ask; he already knew.

Louis spoke up, coughing and looking as tight as ever.

“Zayn’s gone home.”

The alarm went off on his phone, and Niall pulled it out to turn it off.

The clock stroke twelve once more.

Almost a year passes from that day, and Liam is at his front gate, itching to press the button.

He didn’t tell Niall he was coming. In fact, he didn’t tell anyone.

He needed to do this alone.

But why couldn’t he?

Another fifteen minutes, and Liam finds himself final taking a deep breath, and pressing the button.

“-ello?”

Liam wasn’t surprised Zayn sounded like he just woke up at 3 pm, and chuckled involuntarily.

It wasn’t like this was the first time he had seen Zayn or talked to him since he left, but this was certainly the first time he showed up unannounced.

“Hey man, long time no see. It’s Li. Open up?”

It took a moment, but after awhile he heard the small, “comin.” Before the gate was opened and Liam stepped inside the premise. He walked over to the front door, and there to greet him was Zayn, newly frosted coloured hair and all.

Liam grinned. “Lookin good, Zayn.”

Zayn smiled back, “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

The hugged, patting each other on the back before Zayn ushered him inside. The place was unkept, but it wasn’t trashed. Sure there were things lying around, but in all the years Liam knew him he’d seen much worse.

“You want somethin’ to drink?”

Liam nodded, “Just water’s fine.” and Zayn disappeared only to return with a bottle of water, which Liam took gratefully.

After a sip, he sat down on the couch and twisted the cap back on. Zayn sat as well, crossing his legs in the armchair and folding his hands. “So what gives? Any special reason you’ve popped in unannounced?”

Liam took a deep breath, realizing that he needed to get down to the point. “Well, you know we’ve decided to take a break.”

Zayn nodded, and from the way he shifted in his seat, it was like he knew what Liam was going to say next.

“We don’t want to sign on with them again. Zayn- when we come back, we’re hoping you come with.”

“Liam-”

“I know that you don’t wanna be held back, and that you wanna write your way, “He interrupted, “And we get that, and that you need time. But we just aren’t the same without you.”

Zayn sighed. Liam knew that this wasn’t likely the first time he’d heard these words, “Liam, you guys are doing just fine without me.”

“I know- but it’s not…”

It’s not us without you, Zayn.

“Liam, I needed to find myself, to get away, and I’m glad we’re all still friends, but-” He shook his head, “I can’t go back to One Direction.”

Liam bit his lip, “We miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

There was silence between them, before Liam stood up and walked over to Zayn. He took off his coat, placing it on the coffee table before taking Zayn’s hands.

He got down on his knees, now eye level, and he stared into his brown eyes. Zayn truly was gorgeous, and Liam knew it. He could see the confusion, the sadness in his eyes. And Liam had to do something he wasn’t good at.

“I’m sorry, Zayn.”

Zayn burrowed his eyes in confusion. “For what?”

Liam trembled, “I’m sorry I didn’t see you loved me sooner.”
 
Time froze. For a moment, all they did was stare into one another’s eyes. And then Zayn was leaning forward and Liam was meeting him. Their hands entertwined in Zayn’s lap, their eyes shutting closed. And Liam knew Niall wouldn’t mind because this was Zayn.

He could taste the smoke and last night’s weed on his breath, but he didn’t care. Not when Zayn’s lips were soft and he needed to convey everything he had felt this past year. Every regret, every frustration. He needed to tell Zayn just how sorry he was, for putting him through this. He held his hands, rubbing his palms softly back and forth with his thumb, and the wetness of his mouth was so familiar it hurt.

He loved Zayn. He wasn’t in love with him, but he did love him. He loved him like how he loved Louis and Harry. And it wouldn’t ever be enough, but if he could just convey that like Niall, there was also a spot for him too, right next to Louis and Harry, then maybe he could help mend his heart.

The thing about broken hearts, Liam realized, is that they can be mended, but they can never be the same. All five of them, they were just pieces shattered on the ground, and somehow the pieces got mixed up. They all ended up sharing each other’s parts. If you looked closely, you could see the cracks, where they we’re sown back together and seams were undone as they moved and arranged to fit where they could. The scarring could never be undone.

But if they all had each other, then maybe they could start again.

Zayn pulled away, holding onto Liam’s hands, and smiled.

“You can’t mend broken heart that doesn’t want it, Liam. I’ve got to fix myself.”

That night, Liam went home and made love to Niall, properly. Their bodies rocked against one another and Niall’s voice cracked as Liam’s member slid into his hole. He kissed the wetness from his eyes that tried to fall, but Niall knew how gentle this was, how much time Liam put into preparing him for this moment.

“Li- I- I love you.”

Liam smiled, kissing Niall’s lips, “I’m so in love with you, it drives me crazy.”

That made Niall chuckle, but he wrapped his arms around Liam’s neck to pull him closer to meet his thrusting. Every movement, every time Liam went deep his felt it and it drove him wild. Soft tunes playing in the background, and Liam was sure that he’d never felt an orgasm that great in his life.

After Niall came, Liam grabbed a towel from the bathroom to clean one another off. And as he cleaned up, he leaned over Niall and stared into his eyes.

The Irishman grinned up at him, eyes glazed over and looking blissfully fucked out. “What’s up Li?”

He chuckled, “Nothing. I’m just glad I could make you look like this.”

He playfully hit his arm, “Oh, shut it.”

Liam laughed, leaning down to kiss him, slowly. Their tongues slid against one another in a languid rhythm, they fell asleep, Niall’s arm around Liam and the older lay on his chest.

When Liam told Niall he slept with Zayn before they got together, Niall wasn’t mad. He wasn’t upset. He couldn’t say he was surprised. It hurt yeah, but it wasn’t like he could change it. And it wasn’t like Niall could judge.

But it did make him feel a like he understood why Zayn left a little more.

“You love him.” Niall stated, taking a sip of his beer and cuddling up into Liam’s side.

“You love him, too.” Liam pointed out.

And it was true. Niall did. Harry did. Louis did. Niall shuddered, leaning his face against Liam’s shoulder’s as his breathing got heavy. He bit back the tears.

“I’m in love with you, Niall.”

And Niall knew that loving a friend was different than loving Liam.

“I’m in love with you, too.”

And next year, on Louis’ birthday, when Niall opened the front door and there stood Zayn, frostbitten with snow in his hair and a nervous smile, he let him in with open arms.

The five of them sat around the fireplace, laughing and buzzed on champagne and fell asleep on the floor, blankets haphazardly thrown around their torsos, and the two couples cuddling up against Zayn, all four of them touching a different part of him. Harry’s long fingers threaded through his hair, Louis gingerly holding onto his hand, Niall opting to lay an arm across his chest, and Liam’s fingertips dancing on his hips.

This was home.

Chapter Text

Their second album was being received rather well, if George had any say about it.

The signing was going well, and all of their fans seemed really excited. And George couldn’t help but nod, smile, and agree- it really had been too long since they released their last album. He signed and took pictures happily, holding onto the girls in a respectful manner and even giving a young fan a polite kiss on the cheek. But even though he was happy, he was glad he had Jaymi, JJ, and Josh by his side.

Some days were harder than others.

Zayn and George’s courting didn’t last long after Perrie broke it off with him. And honestly, George understood why. He had been chasing someone who wasn’t quite sure of who they are, or what they wanted. And after Perrie left, he lost his closest confidante and friend. They had talked about it, when it first happened. Zayn mentioned how Perrie could see the change in him, and knew it must have been because of George. And even though that made George happy, he also realized Zayn had a lot of soul searching and thinking to do.

Something that no matter what, George couldn’t do for him.

They met ever few weeks, not doing much but getting takeout and cuddling as they watched a movie. The last time they met, Zayn had kissed him slow, holding his hand staring into his eyes, and George couldn’t help but feel like he had the most beautiful eyes in the world.

And that was when he told him.

“Thank you for everything, George.”

And George, hurt, told him that he couldn’t wait for Zayn. That if Zayn needed time, then George may not be around anymore.

George was grateful for Zayn, but he needed to think of himself too.

Jaymi gave him a pat on the back, and he turned to give his friend a brave smile. Even though it all seemed so long ago, that first night with Zayn was a fresh in his memory as it was that night. And he’d always be grateful for Zayn, but he couldn’t wait for Zayn any longer.

If he waited, and Zayn wasn’t there, then… he’d just leave him again, and that would hurt even more.

But still, sometimes he wished things would have ended differently.

He continued signing albums, trying to make eye contact, but failing sometimes. He should be happy, dammit. Why? Why wasn’t he?

It’s been over a year, Georgie, He could hear Jaymi thinking right now.

And it wasn’t like George hadn’t dated anyone since; he wasn’t lying when he told Zayn he wouldn’t wait for him. But no matter what girl, guy…

Zayn Malik and his brown eyes lighting up the dark London alleyway will be a sight Shelley would never forget.

He signed the girls album, barely glancing up to give her a smile, “Thanks so much for your support, love. We really appreciate it.”

The teen smiled and went in JJ’s direction, and George glanced quickly at his phone to check the time. Only five minutes left, and he could go collect himself in the back room.

“Have time for one more?”

George looked up, and the eyes that met him shocked him like no other.

But he couldn’t help the smile on his face. His chest thumped rapidly, and he could feel the butterflies in his stomach.

“I guess I have time for one more signature.”

The grin on George’s face matched the way Zayn felt.

Liam watched as Harry fiddled with his bowtie, nervously brushing back his long hair with his fingers and looking over the black and white floral pattern of his vest, as if he was second guessing his choice in attire. He was an outright mess; Liam couldn’t recall a time that Harry looked this nervous in his life. Finally, the youngest member of the group turned to face Liam, and he could tell what Harry was going to ask before it even came out of his mouth.

“What if he changed his mind?”

Liam laughed, putting a hand on his shoulder, “There’s no way Louis’ changed him mind about you. You’re just nervous. And I’m sure Lou is just as nervous as you.”

Harry bit his lip, “Are you sure?”

“Harry,” Liam’s hand squeezed gently, “I know. Do you love him?”

 “More than anything.”

“Does he love you?”

“I hope so.”

Liam grinned, “Then you have nothing to worry about.”

And five minutes later, Louis was crying as he watched his love join him at the altar. Liam and Niall stood beside the couple, the two idiots a blubbering mess as they exchanged vows and shakily placed a ring on each other’s finger. Liam chanced a glance over at his own lover, blonde hair nearly gone and a genuine smile on his face and tears of joy in his own eyes, and imagine if a few years from now, if it would be their turn.

They were in no rush- they had time.

This was Harry and Louis’ day.

And once they ceremony was over, Zayn joined them from the front row into the reception hall, and the rest of the night was a bit of a blur for all of them.

Niall kissed Liam heatedly, making quick work of his suit and tie as the back of his knees bumped the end of the bed.  He could feel the bubbly in his system, hazing his judgement as he pulled his lover on top of him and clashed their teeth against each other. They both laughed, and Liam started unbuttoning starch shirt from his chest.

“You’re so drunk.”

“So are you, Liiiiiii.”

Liam looked into those beautiful blue eyes, and could find himself getting lost in the storm. He leaned down to kiss him, this time slow, their tongues moving languidly against each other. He could feel the bulge in Niall’s pants, and his own erection was slowly building. He mumbled onto his lips, “I love you, Niall.” And the blonde giggled, rosy cheeked and bit Liam’s lip playfully.

“I love you so much, Liam.”

Liam pulled his lover’s trousers off swiftly, but he couldn’t say the same for his own, the leg holes getting caught on his shoes. He tripped slightly as he stood up to pull the off, earning a howl of laughter from the Irishman.

But Liam silenced him as soon as he put his mouth around his cock, and the only thing Niall had said the rest of the night was Liam’s name as they rocked their bodies slowly against one another, Liam fucking into him the way he knew Niall enjoyed it.

They laid in bed the morning after, Liam laying on Niall’s chest as he stared at their hands, their fingertips lightly touching. It was rather silent, until Niall’s voice, softer than normal, broke through.

“I’d marry you, Liam, if you asked me.”

Liam’s gaze traveled up to Niall’s pink lips, then higher still to meet the seriousness in his eyes. And he realized-

He didn’t want to wait.

“Marry me, Niall.”

The blonde laughed, throwing his head back into his pillow, a slight thump being heard as it his against the headboard. And for some reason, Liam laughed as well.

As the laughter died down, they were left with each other.

And Liam thanked God fate brought him here.

Niall grinned, “Okay, Li.”

And they probably wouldn’t get married right now, but it was nice to act like they were.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, One Direction!”

As the camera’s flashed, and the lights turned on, they didn’t seem so blinding anymore.

Chapter Text

To everyone whose broken hearted:

I wrote the first chapter of this fanfiction when i was 16, in love with writing, in love with the idea of falling in love and being saved. I remember 16 year old me who was in love with One Direction, in love with the fantasy of 5 boys who made me feel better about my life. I was naive, and silly, and didn't exactly know how to make a story make sense. But this story somehow made sense and come together for me.

It was a story I started and abandoned many times over the years, trying desperately to push myself to be creative, undiagnosed adhd and terrible life situations and blossoming into adulthood all getting in the way. It was hard to finish this. It felt like sometimes i predicted things before they happened. I remember I didn't want to continue writing, because Zayn left. I didn't want to write that out, because i planned on that in my fiction before it happened, and if i were to write it out, it would be real.

But writing this now, I could have never predicted what would happen. That 13 years later, the person who inspired all of this creativity, the adoration and love, would be gone so soon. Too soon.

I can't even begin to imagine what really happened, what was going on. I'm sure a lot of us are feeling like this. The truth of the matter is, Liam Payne is one of five shining beacons in my life. One Direction was there for me in my teens. And now, in less than ten days, I turn 29.

And my adolescence is gone.

I know all of us are grieving. Everyone who sees this, even more who don't. We all love these boys with all our heart, and now, there's a piece that's missing, a puzzle not quite finished.

But I thank Liam for inspiring me. For bring me joy. For making me want to write. For many, this is just one of many stories written by a fan who was young, who wasn't quite sure of herself, or even of what she was writing about. I ached for a love unrequited, and longed for a love returned. And in my imagination, I made a story where I could feel loved. Where I could mend my broken heart.

I wanted to leave this here, in case anyone sees this old fanfic. Liam Payne deserved better. This was a tragedy, no matter how you view him or look at this. It's okay to be sad, to be hurt. To ache and long for a different ending.

Life isnt fiction. And this is real. But Liam will always be here, in our hearts, influencing us and something precious we can hold onto. For the rest of our lives.

Thank you, Liam Payne, for being there for me as I grew into the woman I am. Thank you for being there for every one of us. You are more important than you could ever know.

Thank you, for mending our broken hearts.

You will stay with us forever.

CatheRinRin/SmittenKittenSuga