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Chapter Text

With his head ducked down and fingers combing his hair, Cameron took quick notes while the teacher spoke. He lifted his head to look at what he was writing on the board, then back down to his paper to continue writing.

Cameron was always good with school work, always taking extra notes that weren't necessary just to fully understand the subject. His grades were perfect, his participation was on point, and he was always on time.

That was until the class ended and the teacher asked him to come to his desk.

Cameron looked around in confusion as the rest of the students got up, packed their things, and left to their next class. Cameron hesitated, but got up and brought his things to the teacher's desk. "Yes, sir?"

"Excellent work today, Richard. I saw you taking notes." The older man said as he brushed off Cameron's shoulders. Cameron's eyes brightened with pride, smiling happily. "Thank you, sir."

The teacher leaned in near his ear as he spoke. "Good boy, Cameron. Keep it up." Cameron felt a shiver down his spine. "You got it, sir." he said with a nod, grabbing his stuff and making his way out of the classroom.

Charlie jumped out from behind the doorway, scaring Cameron out of his skin. Once he took a breath, Cameron furrowed his brows in annoyance. "Real mature, Dalton."

Charlie was in a fit of laughter, hands down on his knees. "You should've seen your face!!"

Richard rolled his eyes, shoving Charlie as he walked away. Charlie quickly caught up to him, hooking an arm around him with a sigh. "You'll be at the study group tonight, right?"

"After chemistry." Cameron said with his lips in a tight line. Charlie grinned, rubbing Cameron's shoulder. "Good. I'm TOTALLY failing trig if you won't be there to help me." he praised, to which Richard scoffed at.

"I'm so happy to be the one you use for grades, Dalton." the redhead said with a sting of passive aggression and sarcasm.

"You should be. See you after chem, *Richie*." and before Cameron could hiss at him for the choice of name, Charlie ran off to his next period. Because of Cameron's refusal to run in the halls, he was now alone, walking to chemistry.

He entered the classroom, reaching his designated seat and settling himself down. He opened his book to the page he knew they'd be working on today. Once the teacher entered the room, the students, including Cameron of course, all stood up next to their seats.

"Sit." The teacher ordered, his back turned to the class as he erased the chalk board. Cameron sat, as well as the others.

"Now, who remembers where in the textbook we left off?" His grown voice spoke loudly above the buzzing lights and whirring heaters near the windows. Cameron shot his hand up, however so did another student. The teachers eyes grazed right over Cameron as he called on the other student.

Cameron slowly set his hand back down into his lap, staring at the page number on his desk, reading it over as the other student spoke it aloud. For an odd reason, he felt his stomach ache.

"Thank you. Open your textbooks to page 271." The teacher said blandly, seating himself in his desk. The chair creaked under his weight as he lit a pipe in-front of the class.

Cameron soon forgot about the situation with the page numbers, too focused on his work. He sat up straight, pen held correctly in his dominant hand. His handwriting was neat and sharp, easy to read if you weren't dense, Cameron would say.

When the class ended, Cameron stood up, going to pack his things when he caught a glance at the student who answered the question before in him the beginning of class. He was smiling, not a teasing one but a genuine one. Then, he just left without a word.

Cameron's finger twitched in anger, eyebrows furrowed as he made it out of the classroom. He hadn't done any harm to Cameron, but Cameron was angry. Why? Richard was jealous, even though he wouldn't admit it. Why didn't the teacher call on him?

...

Cameron was in his dorm room now after study group, sitting at the desk at the end of his bed. Still studying. He chewed at his bottom lip, scanning over the paper as he wrote scattered answers down on the questions he knew without thinking... which was most of them.

Richard was so focused that he hardly realized how hard he was grinding his teeth against his lip, until he hissed in pain at the slice he felt suddenly. He tasted the bitterness of copper on his tongue when he licked his lip, reaching forward and grabbing two sheets of tissue from his tissue box. He pressed them to the wound, leaning back with a sigh of annoyance.

Soon, Charlie barged into their shared room, as if looking for something. When he saw Cameron, he looked like he found what he was looking for. But, his face soon changed to a look of confusion. "Are you bleeding?"

"It's nothing serious." Cameron blandly replied, wiping the tissues off his lip and tossing them in the garbage. He grabbed his hand sanitizer from his desk, squirting a nice even amount in his hand and massaging it into his palms.

Charlie pressed his tongue to his cheek. "Alright... well I was looking for you, because—" he squinted at Cameron's desk, stopping in the middle of his sentence. "Wait, are you seriously studying still?"

Richard groaned, slamming his textbook shut. "Well, I'm sorry I care about my grades, Charlie."

"Cameron, we were just in a study group, you were studying in there already." Charlie replied in confusion. "Besides, you, out of any of us, don't need extra time to study. You ace every test anyway."

Cameron ran his fingers through his hair, a gesture he did often when he was stressed. Which wasn't great since he'd stress about his hair being messed up later on. "I got a 90 on my last chemistry test, Charlie. Do you know what that means?"

Dalton scoffed, seeming tired of the stupidity of this conversation. "It means you aced it, like always!"

"No, Dalton! It means I'm slacking!" He stood up abruptly, licking the blood that still tried to creep up from the cut in his lip.

Charlie looked in his eyes, searching for a reason for why he insisted on this style of living. So perfect all the time. It almost made Charlie sick.

"Why do you even care?" Cameron soon said, breaking their staring contest. "I can study all I want, Charlie."

Dalton tightened his jaw, taking a deep breath. "Fine then. Showers are in ten minutes, Richard. I shouldn't have to tell you that though, Little Mr. Perfect." He said, snatching a shirt and a pair of pants before leaving and shutting the door loudly behind him. Just like that, Cameron was alone once again.

He tilted his head up, taking a deep breath as he tapped his fingers at his sides. He looked over at his desk, furrowing his brows. He rolled his sleeves up, taking off his watch and placing it neatly on his desk. Cameron let out a shaky breath, flicking his finger against his wrist a few times to bring himself back to the present.

Once he was a bit more collected, he grabbed the folded clothes that were already at the end of his bed and left to join the others at the showers.

He had only now remembered that he'd have to see Charlie's face again.. and this time shirtless. Cameron, for a multitude of reasons, really wished they had private showers.

...

Chapter Text

Cameron had pretended to not notice Charlie avoiding him, not in a way of fear but of anger.

Even after Cameron stepped out from the water, after he wrapped the towel around his waist and went to meet the other boys at the mirrors, Charlie still bit his tongue. If he could, Cameron would lunge forward and choke him out right then just to get a word out of him.

But, he didn't and never would.

Even thinking about it made Cameron's heart-rate jump up. Cameron tried to ignore it and focus on his hair or really anything else, but unfortunately, due to being diabetic it made it almost impossible. His heart pounded in his head as he slowly set his brush down with shaking hands. He took a few deep breaths, trying to regulate his heart beating, but focusing on it only made him stress even more.

Neil was in a middle of laughing at something one of the others had said before turning to look at Cameron. "Woah, wait a minute. Cam, are you okay?" He said, placing a hand on the redhead's shoulder.

Cameron's shoulders tensed, closing his eyes. "Yes. Please, get your hands off of me." He said, his voice a bit spacey. Cameron was honesty more embarrassed than anything now! and he could feel the others looking at him.

Neil slowly let go. "Alright.. are you sure? Do you need anything?"

Richard reached forward to grab the wall for support. "No, Neil. I'm fine."

Charlie's eyebrows twitched as his face contorted into concern. "I got this, guys. Worry about yourselves." He said sternly, before making his way to Cameron. Neil nodded to Dalton before grabbing the others' attention away from Cameron.

"C'mon, you need to get back to the room and lay down." Charlie said quietly, as if Cameron's condition was some sort of secret, which it wasn't. It was odd to Richard for Charlie to be acting so differently now, despite their argument earlier.

"Charlie, I got this." Cameron attempted to refuse still, eyebrows furrowed in frustration, but his vision blurred when he tried to pull away. Dalton put a hand on his lower back, ignoring the dampness that still remained from his shower. "Let's go, come on."

Cameron made a noise of complaint, but made his way out with Charlie anyways. "Do you think you can make the walk there or do you need to sit down out here for a minute?" He asked the other, looking at Cameron for a response half-impatiently, but hid it behind a calm voice.

"I want to walk there." Cameron replied weakly, and Charlie bit his tongue. "Okay. Take it slow though, please. It'll be really awkward if you fainted." He said, smiling a bit while slowly guiding the other boy to their room.

-

It wasn't until Charlie set the other on his bed that he realized they had both still only been in towels. He bit his lip as he tried to concentrate. "Shit. Uh, can I go grab your clothes?"

Cameron blinked up at him. "What?"

"Your clothes, Cam. You're still in the towel." Charlie crossed his arms, looking away from Cameron's green eyes. "Okay, whatever. I'll be back with your shit. Just don't pass out, alright?" He said with his signature attitude before leaving.

Richard sighed, lying back and squinting at the ceiling light.

It took a little while, but Charlie returned; dressed in his robe with Cameron's clothes in one hand and a water bottle in his other.

"Here, drink some." He demanded, tossing the water bottle in his lap. Perhaps a bit too hard, but he made no attempt to apologize. He set Cameron's outfit next to him, watching Cameron take light sips from the bottle.

Richard reached for his shirt, unfolding it; which wasn't too hard being that Charlie had messed up its neatness. He pulled it over his head, buttoning it from the top to the bottom. He brushed down the satin material, then looked up at Charlie expectantly.

Charlie looked back at him blankly. "What?"

"Hello? Privacy?" He said, lifting up his pajama bottoms. Dalton rolled his eyes.

"We're both guys, I don't see the problem." He said, but still made his way towards the door and exited the bedroom.

Cameron scoffed, removing the towel and slipping the bottoms on. He sighed, forcing himself to stand up. He ignored the stars in his vision as he opened the door. "You're fine now."

Charlie turned around to face him. "Yeah, and you're not. Go lay back down, Cameron." Charlie said, grabbing his shoulders to back the redhead out of his way and onto the bed. "You could've just called me inside."

"I didn't want to yell."

Charlie laughed slightly. "You wouldn't have to yell."

"Knowing you, yes. I would have to." Cameron commented as he laid propped up on his elbows.

"Lay down all the way, dude. Unless you're completely fine now and—"

"No, I'm just-" Richard interrupted suddenly, lying down fully. "-I don't want to sleep just yet. Lying down will just make me tired."

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well I know for a fact you're just going to try and study if you don't lay down right now."

"I am lying down, dumbass." The redhead said, gesturing to his body which was clearly comfortable in bed. Charlie groaned in annoyance.

"Obviously you are now. But before you weren't. Now stop arguing with me, and don't forget about your water, okay?" He said, pointing at the bottle that rested near Cameron's knee. "Also," he added, walking to Cameron's night stand and pulling out a drawer, revealing a collection of little candies. "Take some of these. You need sugar."

Cameron flinched as the candies were tossed in his face. "Yeesh, Dalton. You sound like a mom." Richard muttered as he unwrapped one of the candies and put it in his mouth. If it weren't for his condition, Charlie would've gotten on top of him and suffocated him with a pillow. But instead, he just rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well I used to have to take care of Neil when he would get really sick during winter." He explained, taking a seat at the foot of Cameron's bed.

"But I'm not sick." Richard said, earning a shove in his leg by Charlie. "Basically you are." he smirked, shrugging. "You're lucky I helped you anyway. Be grateful."

Cameron scoffed, turning to lay on his side. "I was fine."

"Yeah right. Get some sleep, Richie." Dalton teased, getting up to turn off the light.

As he got into his own bed, Cameron couldn't help but miss the weight Charlie added to the lower half of his mattress.

...

Chapter Text

Cameron never liked dreaming He hated it, even. Mostly because it all felt too real, but also because he couldn't escape them. For Richard, he could only seem to have nightmares, and every single one forces him to relive the same events.

...

The priest's hands grazed Cameron's curls, the redhead seeming much smaller standing in-front of him. However, he is still the same age he is in the real world, even in this fake fantasy. His hand moved down to the boy's jaw, Cameron's eyes nervously following him.

"Father, what are y—"

"Richard, would you like to know a secret?" The man's hoarse voice interrupted, kneeling down to be eye level with him. Cameron bit his tongue, nodding uncomfortably.

"You," the priest pointed a finger to Cameron's chest, "are Welton's top student this year. How about it?"

Richard crept a proud smile on his face, his muscles relaxing. "I am?"

"Yes. You are. Don't you think you deserve a reward for doing so well?"

Cameron tried to remain humble, chuckling. "Father, I appreciate the offer, but—"

"Now, now. You deserve this, Cameron." a smirk was plastered on the priest's face now. "Don't get too loud now, my child."

"Loud? I don't understa—" his voice was soon muffled by the crashing of the priest's lips on his. His eyes widened in fear, going to push him away.

...

Cameron's body tensed in his sleep, lips quivering in disgust and fear. He curled up slightly, however did not awake.

...

"Don't fight it, Richard. This is a reward. God wanted this for you." The man's voice stung like venom in the back of Cameron's mind. Even though none of this was real, he could still feel the priest inside of him, violating any innocence that remained within him.

He kicked and tried to yell, to no avail. For the priest's hands were too strong and large to scream through, and he was much smaller than the adult in front of him. It was useless.

Cameron could only cry. It was the one thing he was allowed to do in this situation. And what made it worse is that he got an erection from it. It filled him with disgust and shame, he could almost throw up if the pressure moving near his guts wasn't already bring him on the edge of doing it.

The two of them were near the front row of seats, Cameron being forcibly held down in one of the seats, in the most uncomfortable position he's ever experienced; while the priest towered over him like a predator cornering it's prey. Except not to eat it but suck the dignity and innocence out of it and leaving it wishing it was eaten instead.

And that's just how Cameron felt when he was abandoned in Welton's church, half naked with not a single feeling of the false pride before stuck with him. He was shaking so hard you'd think he'd kick the bucket any second.

Clearly, he was shaking so bad that it caused Cameron to shake even outside of his nightmare.

And when Charlie woke to the sound of hyperventilating, he saw Cameron shaking too.

He hurried off his bed, almost tripping on his blanket as he got onto the bed that was across from his. He shook Cameron, a little aggressively on his behalf, trying to see what was wrong. "Cam— Cameron, wake up. Wake up!"

The words muffled in the atmosphere inside Cameron's dream, a ringing sound cutting through the area.

"Richard, please dude." Charlie now climbed on top of him, grabbing his shoulders to shake him awake.

"Get off of me!" Cameron gasped out as his eyes shot open, reaching for Charlie's wrists as a form of self defense. He blinked a bit, slowly releasing his grip when he saw Dalton. Not that he'd expect someone else....

"Richie?" Charlie said, looking the most concerned Cameron had ever seen. It wasn't often Charlie cared about anything.

"I'm fine, I just—" His voice came out broken and shaky, letting go of Charlie to try and collect himself. Charlie remained on top of him. "No, you're not, dude. What the hell happened?"

Cameron furrowed his brows, not in anger but because he was embarrassed. Embarrassed Charlie had to see him like that, and embarrassed that he couldn't pull himself out of it on his own. He sat up sightly, causing Charlie to move back a bit.

"It was just a nightmare, Dalton." Cameron muttered, reaching for the water bottle from last night. Wouldn't want his fear from the nightmare to spike his blood sugar too high either, that would be even more embarrassing.

"Yeah, but you were terrified." Charlie said, searching in Cameron's eyes for an answer that he'll probably never get. He had a bit of doing that, but really only to Cameron.

Richard sighed, licking the water from his lips. "I'm okay now."

Charlie pressed his tongue to his cheek, getting off of him. "I know it sounds lame, but you can talk to me. Like, if stuff is bothering you. I'll try to listen."

Richard looked up at him, trying to understand if he was being genuine. He showed no signs of being untruthful, so Cameron bit. "Okay."

"Alright, enough wetting the bed. It's Saturday, that means extra sleep for me." Charlie said while stretching his arms with a groan.

Cameron caught himself about to frown. He couldn't be alone with his thoughts. But how is he meant to express that? "Get your beauty sleep, majesty."

"I will." Charlie smirked, turning to Cameron. "You'll be fine on your own, yeah?"

Cameron bit his tongue, turning to look at his desk. "Uh, yeah. I'll just study."

"Called it." Dalton snapped his fingers as he pivoted back into his bed, lying down. Cameron rolled his eyes. He threw his legs over the edge of his bed, standing and stretching. "I hate you."

"No you don't." Charlie yawned, then the room soon went to a lull.

He was right. Cameron could never really hate Charlie Dalton.

...

Chapter Text

...

Seated at his study desk, Cameron worked on his homework, hearing students occasionally pass in the halls.

Their door suddenly opened, revealing Neil. He held a smile on his face like he always did. Cameron sometimes wondered if his face ever got tired of doing it.

"Hey," he said with a whisper, recognizing Charlie was still asleep. "Do you want to come out to the field? We're going to play soccer and I thought you and Charlie might've wanted to join. If he wouldn't mind waking up." Neil said with a quiet chuckle.

Cameron opened his mouth to reply, but the beep of the loud speaker cut him off, waking Charlie in the process he assumed because of the tired groan coming from his side of the room.

"Richard Cameron, please report to the assembly hall at this moment. Thank you." A man's voice on the speaker spoke before it ended with a hiss of static.

Neil and Cameron exchanged glances. "Well, uh. Maybe just Charlie will have to do then." He said, giggling as Charlie sat up with his hair a mess.

Cameron slowly stood up. "Um, yeah. Sorry."

"Wait, what does the church need you for?" Charlie asked, rubbing his eyes.

Richard bit his tongue. "Beats me." he shrugged casually, hiding the knot in his stomach as he headed out the door past Neil.

As he walked down the hall, people stepped to the side to let him through. They all gave him glances, some not even noticing. Cameron felt like he was a prisoner being sent off to his execution.

As he approached the main entrance, he felt ill. His stomach twisted as he turned the corner to the main hall, looking over all the seats. The priest lifted his head as he noticed Cameron had arrived. A smile crept on his face, approaching him. "Cameron! How wonderful it is for you to join me." He said, placing a cold hand on his shoulder. "I was wondering if you would help me prepare for tomorrow's practice? I can guide you, don't fret about that."

Cameron took a hesitant step back at the contact, opening his mouth shakily. "I.. Um." He felt something squeeze his lungs from inside, balling his hands into anxious fists. He could only nod.

"I really appreciate it, Richard. I know I could always count on Welton's best." The priest said, leading down the main hall. As they passed the front row of seats, Cameron darted his eyes away from them in fear, shivering off the cold chills up his spine.

The priest turned around, revealing a stack of books and placing them in Cameron's arms. "One under each seat, please. Come to me when you need a new stack."

Cameron didn't look at him when he spoke, nodding his head.

"Is everything alright, my child?" The man asked, putting a hand to Richard's cheek.

"... Yes." He choked out forcefully, turning away to full-fill his task.

"Good, good." The priest replied with a nod, going to take notes on the speech prepared for tomorrow's practice.

...

Cameron soon returned, anxiously keeping his distance. "Father."

"Oh, you need another stack?" He said with a grin, turning back to the books. Cameron didn't need to answer once another stack was put in his arms. "Thank you, once again for your help. I'll be sure to award you later."

Richard almost puked, walking back to occupy his racing mind by putting the books beneath the seats. His eyes stung with tears as he did his work. He didn't want to be here, doing this, being with him. Tomorrow was Sunday, which meant church practices. Cameron shouldn't be here today.

...

Cameron stalled on the last book. He wanted to disappear. After a while of dissociating though, he had to put the book under the seat.

He hesitantly made his way back to the priest. He could've walked out the doors then. Why was he being so stupid?

"All done, Richard?" The priest hummed, setting his pen down.

Cameron remained stiff, swallowing thickly. "Yes, father." He sounded wounded already, and not even a finger was on him.

"Good boy, Cameron. Well done." The man praised, reaching forward to pet his red hair.

Richard held back a gag as his stomach turned. He nodded as a way to thank him so he wouldn't have to open his mouth.

"You must be expecting your reward now, aren't you, my child?" He said with a hoarse chuckle.

Cameron fought to almost shake his head. "No, father. It's fine. I-It was simple help, really. I insist." His voice shook, and he wished he had sounded less desperate.

"Oh, please, you tease too much, Richard." The man said, sliding a hand down Cameron's chest.

Cameron instinctively grabbed the priest's wrist. "Don't. Please."

The man's brow raised in interest. "Feisty, are we now? Cameron, I expected more from you."

Cameron took a step back, brows slightly furrowed. "I'm sorry, I'm not doing this—"

"This is hurting your reputation for obedience, Richard." The priest said, taking a step forward. "Don't disobey me, Cameron. You'll be disobeying our Father, too."

Richard was at a loss. "You're... You're not listening to me though. I'm trying to—" A hand was placed on his waist. "Please stop, I don't—" Then another on the nape of his neck.

"Father, please." He took multiple steps back, pulling his hands off of him.

The man chuckled in a low tone, though there was something else hidden in his voice. "You're begining to upset me, my son."

Cameron frowned, continuing to slowly back away. He hoped by doing this he'd eventually make it out the doors.

That was until a pair of footsteps were heard approaching the doors to the main hall.

Cameron turned his head to see the headmaster, Mr. Nolan, entering the assembly hall.

"Good morning, gentleman." He said, glancing under the seats and taking note of the books.

The priest gave a smile, turning his gaze to the headmaster. "Good morning to you, Mr. Nolan. Cameron here was assisting me with preparing for our practices tomorrow." He said, placing a hand on Cameron's shoulder and pulling him close.

Richard felt faint.

"Well done, Sir Cameron. You may be dismissed." He told Cameron, turning his attention to the priest. "I would like to discuss some arrangements for tomorrow with you."

Cameron wasted no time leaving the assembly hall. As soon as he left, he felt hot liquid creep up the back of his throat.

He looked around quickly before rushing to the nearest trash bin and vomiting up the bile in his system.

He coughed and gagged for the next few moments, wiping his lips in disgust.

Wearily, with a pounding heart, he made it back to his room. Charlie wasn't there, so Richard assumed he must've been out on the field like Neil said.

Cameron undressed, changing into a different outfit to provide some soft of comfort in his own skin. He sighed out shakily, deciding it'd be better to go out where all his friends were, rather than stay alone with images and phrases flashing through his mind. Cameron hasn't got the time for rabbit holes.

...

Chapter Text

...

When he made it out the field, Charlie noticed him immediately. "CAMERON, GO LONG!!"

And before he new it, a soccer ball was football thrown in his direction. He panicked, catching it with trembling hands.

Charlie cheered as Cameron came close enough to hand the ball back. "That's not how you're supposed to play." he told him, voice quieter than usual.

"So what? It's Saturday, Cameron. Learn to have fun." Dalton replied, placing a hand on Richard's shoulder. Cameron shivered, stepping away from the contact.

Charlie noticed, but decided not to mention anything of it. Maybe it was another germ thing...

...

He let loose a little bit more while playing with the other boys, but every little touch drew his mind back and he lost focus. His hands would begin to shake and it'd make it difficult to focus on his feet to kick the ball.

Eventually, the game drew to a stop after they all silently agreed to just sit in the field and conversate.

Charlie, who was lazily rolling the ball between him and Knox, glanced over at Cameron; who's eyes were focused on the ground in a spacey sort of way.

Dalton reached forward with his hand and placed it on Cameron's leg gently, to which Cameron jumped at. He threw his hand down to get Charlie's touch off of him, however accidentally scratching him, as if that's how he'd instinctively get something to stop meeting contact with him.

Charlie hissed in pain, pulling his hand back. "OW! Dude, what the fuck?"

Cameron blinked back to reality, looking up to see Charlie rubbing his hand and looking at him with an angry expression.

Richard swallowed thickly. "Sorry—"

"Did you scratch him?" Knox butted in, leaning in to look at Charlie's hand, which to Cameron's surprise, was starting to bleed.

"I didn't mean to, I just-" Cameron jumped to his defense.

Charlie scoffed, as if almost a laugh. "Right. Seemed pretty purposeful to me."

"You scared me! It was a natural reaction." Richard said, furrowing his brows.

"I *barely* touched you!" Dalton replied, almost shouting now. He soon stood up clenching his wounded hand by his side. "Whatever. I'm going back inside."

Cameron watched Charlie's back turn to him as he slowly faded away into the background of Welton.

Neil grabbed his attention. "What happened? Why did you do that?"

"I didn't—" Cameron sighed, pinching his nose bridge. "It's none of your business. I'll go talk to him."

"You know how it usually goes when you two try to talk things out, Cameron." Knox said gently, but Cameron still got up, walking away from the group just as Charlie had done moments before.

...

When he walked into their room, he expected Charlie to immediately blow up on him.

But he didn't.

He didn't do much of anything. Charlie only sat on his mattress, legs crossed at the ankles while he studied his hand. Not a word came out of him.

Richard stood, anxiously opening and closing his fists at his sides. "Charlie..." he croaked out, and he felt wounded once again. Which was silly since Charlie really was the one wounded.

Charlie inhaled, lifting his head and looking at Cameron with his tongue pressed to his cheek. Charlie did that often when he was holding back his anger. "Richard." He replied, raising his brows as if he was already impatient with the other boy.

"I'm sorry." Cameron muttered, head down to look at his hand.

"I know. I heard you on the field." Charlie replied, his voice passive aggressive in a way that drove Cameron insane. Why was this boy so impossible?

"Then... do you forgive me?" The redhead asked, looking at Dalton's face now.

"I don't know. You tell me." There was no longer anything passive in his voice, just aggression. Cameron looked back at his hand and swallowing the guilt down his throat.

"Listen, I don't know what you want me to do, but I *am* sorry." Cameron said, furrowing his brows.

Charlie tightened his jaw as his eyebrows did the same as Cameron's. "Well, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't scratch me. But it's a little late for that."

"Why are you being so difficult?" Richard asked desperately, but with anger that was always stuck to him since he was a child.

"Cameron, I could ask you the same thing. What's up with you?" Charlie responded, sitting up now.

"Nothing is up with me!" He defended, as if the idea of it was absurd.

"Oh, so are you just saying there's no reason you did that? No reason you've been pushing me away, or-or what about those nightmares you've been having? Richard, I'm not stupid."

Cameron's heart jumped up in pace. He hadn't realized how much attention Dalton had been paying him. "No, t-theres a reason, but- but that's not—"

"Then tell me what it is!" Charlie said, standing now. "Please."

Richard frowned, begining to shake his head. "It's more complicated than that, Dalton."

"Is it stuff about the foster homes again?" Charlie said, trying so desperately to understand.

"No, It's not— I-" Cameron struggled, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. His face was growing warm and Charlie's eyes have gotten noticeably brown.

Dalton reached for his hands, seeing Cameron shiver. "*Please*, Richie."

Cameron's heart ached, closing his eyes tight before tears could form. "Charlie, I *can't.*"

"Why not? I don't understand." Dalton said, letting go of his hands once he felt Cameron pull away.

"That's just it, Charlie! You wouldn't get it." He said, rubbing his eyes in frustration.

Charlie was giving up, lowering his arms as he began to feel angry again. "... Well, if you're not going to tell me, then there's no reason for you to talk to me about this anymore." Charlie said, begining to push past Cameron to leave once again.

Richard turned around quickly, grabbing Dalton's wrist to stop him. "Wait, please— I don't want to be alone." Cameron felt like he was begging.

Charlie sighed, pulling Cameron off of him aggressively. "Get used to it then. Because clearly *this*—" Dalton gestured to the two of them. "—isn't working."

It wasn't until the door had shut and he was alone, that Cameron let the tears creep out again.

...

Chapter Text

...

Charlie knew who he needed to see. The one person who made him feel sane when he feelings reached out to choke him out; Charlie needed Neil.

He didn't even knock before entering his room. He knew he wouldn't need to.

"Hey, C-Money." Neil said, smiling kindly with a cigarette in hand. Todd was seated on his own mattress, nose deep in a book he's determined to finish by this weekend.

"Can I have a smoke?" Charlie said, voice tired as he rolled up his sleeves and sat on the end of Neil's bed.

"Yeah, of course. What's the matter?" He said, lighting a cigarette and passing it to Dalton. He took it, taking a drag before speaking. "Cameron. That's the matter."

Neil frowned. "The stuff on the field?"

"It's more than that, Neil. It's... There's something he's hiding from me. From us." Charlie explained, talking with his hands as the smoke followed the motions of the cigarette between his fingers.

"Do you think you know what it is?" Neil asked, putting out his own cigarette.

"Whatever it is, it's got him fucked up." He said, almost frowning at the thought.

Neil tilted his head to the side a bit. "What do you mean?"

Charlie sighed. "He's been having these stupid nightmares lately... and he keeps pushing me away. He doesn't rest for anything, he's always 'study study study' when he doesn't even need it!"

"Isn't that last part something he already does?" Neil said, trying to lighten the mood but stay on topic.

"Yeah, but, it's gotten worse I guess." Charlie mumbled, getting deep into his thoughts. "I'm worried about that asshole, y'know."

Todd lifted his head, swallowing nervously. "Did... Did you try to talk to him?"

"He won't say a damn thing about it." Dalton furrowed his brows. "Some dumb shit like 'you wouldn't understand'.. He's just flat out saying he *can't* tell me."

Todd frowned. "Jeez... I really hope he's okay."

Neil bit the inside of his cheek. "I think you should try talking to him again. Don't give up, and don't be mean to him. No matter how bad you say he pisses you off, that's your friend. Do what you'd do if I were like that."

Charlie sighed, and Neil sat back knowing this would be a long ramble. "You're so much different than him though, Neil. He's closed off, like a book I'm fighting to read. You're not closed off like that. You come to me when you're upset. I've known you for so much longer anyways, it'd be impossible to treat him like that. I've only known him since he got to Welton. You guys don't even look similar! How do I pretend he's you when he's got red hair? I can't even focus on him half the time because of his eyes, Neil. How do you expect me to do this?"

Neil and Todd glanced at each other knowingly when he stopped talking, then looked back at Charlie. "Just give it a try, Charlie. If he really isn't willing to tell you, we can always try to get him to talk to Keating."

"Yeah, that's a laugh." Dalton said, standing up and putting out his cigarette. "I'll try it. Thanks, guys."

They each said their goodbyes before Charlie made his way back to his dorm.

He opened the door slowly, greeted with Cameron curled up in his bed. He would've assumed he was asleep if it wasn't for the sniffling and light shake of his body. He could also just barely hear him mumbling, but he couldn't make out what Cameron was saying

Charlie hesitated before closing the door, at least loud enough for the both of them to hear.

Cameron looked up at him before wiping his eyes with his hoodie sleeve. When did he put that on?

Dalton bit his tongue. "We really have to talk, Richie."

Cameron sighed, covering his face with his hands. "Okay." he said, although he didn't want to.

...

Chapter Text

...

Cameron didn't exactly tell the full truth. So what?

Charlie believed him, so he'll be alright for a bit. It wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't the full truth. After all, truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment.

In summary, Cameron explained how standards from his religion have been stressing him out and weighing him down. Charlie reassured him that he shouldn't worry about things like that, and try to distract himself with other things.

But, he never specified what things exactly. And Richard was lucky to have put that hoodie on before Dalton came in.

At some point during the day Charlie had left for some activity elsewhere, and Cameron remained in their room.

He stared at the ceiling from his bed, hand caressing his stomach to soothe the twists and turns with in him. But his thoughts knew no end, and before he knew it, he felt that same burn creep up his throat from before.

He sat up quickly, getting up and kneeling down into him and Charlie's shared trash bin. He puked until he felt like he there was nothing left inside of him. Until his throat burned like fire.

But that wasn't the only thing that burned, and he remembered this anytime he moved. For his sleeves brushed to hard on his arms, and he never had felt so much regret like this. Especially when he realized that this would be an issue when it was time to shower.

He lifted his sleeve to inspect what he'd done earlier; after he had that argument with Charlie. He told him he didn't want to be alone, but Dalton didn't listen. Cameron was almost angry at him for it, but he knew that this wasn't Charlie's fault. It was his own.

The cuts weren't too deep, that's for damn sure; Cameron was too afraid for that. But, they weren't pretty cat scratches either. The boys would surely notice them in the showers. Charlie would without a doubt.

Charlie. God, why does everything go back to him? He's been showing Cameron so much care lately, and Cameron hated it. He hated it so much that he couldn't stop thinking about it. It was driving him crazy. ||Richard groaned at himself, squeezing his wrist with his other hand to try and numb the burn. Of course, it only hurt him more.

He hissed at the sting, applying more pressure as he closed his eyes. What's so good about Charlie anyways? He's always pushing Cameron's buttons and getting on nerves. With his stupid smirk, and stupid hair, and stupidly brown eyes. He hated all of it.

But, maybe he didn't?

Cameron shook his head. That would be absurd. Charlie is a boy. Richard can't like a boy. It's not right; it's a sin.

He curled into himself, still next to the trash bin. Although he was conflicted, he really wished Charlie was with him now. How weird it is, wanting him there. Cameron sighed to himself, tipping his head back and opening teary eyes to look up at the ceiling. Why was he doomed to be a sinner? He was so perfect, and Charlie ruined it.

Charlie and the priest.

Cameron gagged at the thought, preparing in case he needed to puke once again. He could still be perfect, can't he?

Richard frowned, hoping; praying he could still be perfect. If he's not, then who even is Richard Cameron?

He stuffed his sleeve back down in anger. Anger at his stupid decisions, stupid thoughts. Anger at how sensitive he was. How feminine, too. His head began to reel.

If you weren't so slim, he wouldn't have done it.

If you looked stronger, then it wouldn't have happened.

If you weren't so sensitive, he wouldn't have.

A sob ripped from Cameron's throat, and he couldn't keep it together anymore. He should be studying, not crying next to the garbage.

Yet his thoughts kept him where he was. God, he had gotten so weak. He thought about so many things, and it only hurt him more.

...

Knox was walking down the hall of the dorms to freshen up before dinner, but as he passed Cameron and Charlie's dorm, he slowed to a stop. Maybe he was hearing things? He tried to focus on the sounds around him, and he heard it again. The sound of crying, he knew well himself.

He contemplated before turning to the door. What would Charlie be crying about?, he thought to himself, but when he slowly opened the door and saw Cameron curled up by a trash bin, he remembered that this wasn't just his best friend's room.

He closed the door, quickly making his way to the boy crying on the floor. "Cameron?" He whispered, kneeling down by his side. Cameron couldn't really respond, so wrapped up in himself, and now embarrassed too.

Knox frowned, trying to search for what was wrong. Realizing soon that this wasn't doing much, he carefully put a hand on his back, rubbing it gently. Richard flinched at the touch, but it was warm and surprisingly brought comfort more than not.

"It's okay, Cam, try to breathe." he said, a bit more panicked than he meant to sound. He slowly wrapped him into a partial hug, Cam feeling more weak than ever. Knox pressed his forehead to Richard's shoulder, rocking him slowly. "You're not alone, it's okay."

"I'm s— fuck, I'm sorry—" Cameron tried to calm himself, feeling anything but masculine. Knox reached up to massage his curls. "Don't be, dude, seriously. Let it out." He continued rocking him, hearing him slowly calm down. "It's okay, Cameron. Don't force it."

Cameron tried to sputter different words out but it felt like he was choking on them. So, he decided to swallow them instead, leaning against Knox for support. Knox shushed him gently, trying to make him as comfortable as he could. He could just slightly smell vomit, assuming that's why he was next to the trash bin. "Feeling sick?"

Richard shook his head, sniffling. "It's too much." he managed to let out, still crying into Knox's shoulder. "I'm.. really sorry— you shouldn't be-"

"Shut up, dude." Knox interrupted, pulling him closer. He wanted to ask what happened, but he wanted Cameron to try and calm down a bit first. He'd never seen him like that, it was a bit scary to admit. Cameron was always upright and collected, wasn't he?

"What happened, Cam?" Knox asked once the other had calmed down. "I was just.. thinking and—" he sighed, taking a deep breath from how exhausted he was from crying.

"Thinking about?" Knox asked, rubbing his back now instead of hugging him.

Cameron frowned. "I don't think God made me right." he said, his eyes still glassy with tears.

The brunette frowned. "Well.. what d'ya mean by that, Cam?" he said gently.

Richard felt angry with himself again. ".. I'm not—... I'm not right, Knox."

"I think you are." Knox replied, smiling a bit.

"I don't think so!" He said, reaching up to tug at his curls. "You don't know how I feel or how I think. You wouldn't understand." Cameron felt like he was talking to Charlie all over again.

"What do you feel then, Cameron? Tell me what you think, I'm listening." Knox guided him to talk, rubbing his back still.

"I think.. I like boys." Cameron said, feeling like venom had found his tongue and is entering his brain. It was the only thing Richard felt he could find to say, without mentioning the priest. "Like how you're supposed to like girls." Richard begged in his mind for God to forgive him. He felt like he was sinning even admitting to it.

"Oh.." Knox said plainly, swallowing back a bit. That wasn't expected. "What's so bad about that?"

"Everything!" Cameron wailed, hiding his face as if it'd hide him from God too.

Knox hesitated, biting his lip. "Would it make you feel better if I told you I feel that way sometimes too?"

Cameron peeked out from his hands to look at him. "You.. You do?"

"Yeah, sure." He shrugged. "I like who I like." Richard bit his tongue.

"You don't feel like a faggot for it?" the redhead asked weakly, moving his hand to squeeze at his wrist.

"Oh yeah, all the time." Knox admitted, chuckling a bit. "I guess that's just the beauty in it."

Cameron frowned. "Then why doesn't it feel like that to me..?"

"You think differently than I do." Knox told him, looking at his green eyes. "You've really been beating yourself up over this, huh?"

Cameron sighed, fidgeting with his sleeve. "I.. Um. I've tried avoiding it."

"You don't have to, you know that right?" Knox said, frowning.

Cameron looked at him. "You wouldn't understand it on my side, Knox, I'm not like you. Just, please, please don't mention this to anyone else."

"Uh, yeah! Sure, I won't say a word." Knox gave a stupid smile, ruffling Cam's hair. "Cheer up now, alright?" He said, but before he could stand up, Cameron turned to hug him tight.

Knox hugged him back just as fast, squeezing him a bit. "It's going to be okay, dude." he whispered. Cam bit his lip. "I know."

They both let go, Knox helping Cameron stand up. Richard rubbed his eyes, turning to open his candy drawer. Knox patted his back. "Alright, I'm gunna go get ready for dinner. You too, okay?"

Cameron nodded, popping a small hard candy in his mouth. Knox gave him a smile before making his way out the door to get ready.

Richard sighed, suddenly feeling a lot better now. Knox was really good at comforting people, huh. He smiled a bit, closing his drawer to start getting ready.

...

Chapter Text

...

"I'm telling you, it's gunna be great!" Neil said, more excited than you'd usually see him. He was talking about a play he was going to participate in; A Midsummer Night's Dream.

Charlie smiled, nudging him. "Will we get front row seats?" Neil giggled. "You'll get whatever seats you find, Nuwanda."

Knox glanced at Cameron, who glanced back at him. They each exchanged a smile.

Meeks stretched, groaning. "Do any of you want my sandwich? I hate mayonnaise."

Pitts smiled, taking the offer. "I love mayonnaise."

The boys giggled, finishing their food while chatting occasionally.

—

When dinner was over and they returned to their dorms to get ready for showers, Cameron had a plan fully thought out. He'd study through showers until just about every one of his friends was done, that way he can take his shower with at least his friends not seeing his arm.

So, that's what he did. Charlie came in to their room, grabbing his clothes. "Showers soon, Richie." He said before quickly leaving.

Cameron bit his lip, sitting down at his desk and arranging his books to prepare to study.

....

Soon, Charlie returned, hair damp from the shower and now in his robe. "Cam! Showers, dude. Did you even hear me?" He said, approaching Richard's desk.

"Oh! Right.. I forgot—" Cameron muttered, biting his tongue as he stood up.

"Well, have fun showering with those other guys, 'cause all of us are already done." Charlie teased with a smirk.

"Shut up." He rolled his eyes, grabbing his clothes before leaving.

...

-

Cameron overestimated how much people would really care about what was on his arms, for when he showered, no one batted an eye or turned a shoulder.

It almost made him sad in a way.

He worked through his hair like usual, as he did his body. The water and soap stung his wounds, but he didn't make a sound. Even though he was upset no one noticed, that didn't mean he really wanted to draw attention to himself.

Soon, he stepped out, wrapping his towel around his waist. Cameron made it to the other side of the shower room, getting himself dressed like usual. He felt good in this moment. His routine seemed to fall into place well, even though he had to cut his shower time a bit late. Richard loved routines.

He folded the towel in his arms and began making his way back to his room, thinking of how the rest of his schedule will go. He even had a smile on his face.

He reached for the handle, opening their room. But when he looked up, his smile left his face almost immediately.

Charlie was there, but so was Knox. Dalton had him against the wall, with his hands under his shirt. Their lips connected, with Knox holding Charlie's waist.

Cameron swallowed thickly, feeling a pain in his chest. "Um..."

The sudden break of silence caused the other two boys to quickly pull off of each other. Cameron met Charlie's eyes, and then Knox's.

Richard bit his tongue, setting his towel in the basket that sat by the door.

"Cam— I, Um.." Knox attempted, but couldn't find what to say to explain. Charlie was silent, eyes on the floor now.

Cameron carefully stepped into the room instead of the doorway, walking slowly as if there a mine under the floorboards.

Knox swallowed nervously, glancing at Charlie who looked back at him and gave him a nod. Knox turned to the door, leaving the room while attempting to avoid Richard's eyes. Cameron walked to the door, closing it behind Knox.

"Cameron—" Charlie began, and Richard turned to look at him.

"It's fine." Cameron said casually, looking at his desk instead of Charlie.

"I can explain everyth—"

"I said, It's fine." Cameron said, walking to his desk to put his books back in order stressfully. He was trying to keep his routine together still, even though it had just shattered right before his eyes; along with a bit of his heart, but that was his own business.

Charlie nodded slightly, going quiet again.

"I don't care, really." Richard added, putting his work sheets away with shaky hands.

Dalton bit his lip, going over to his mattress. "I guess... I should've been more considerate." Charlie said plainly, clearly he wasn't very good at conversations like this.

"Dalton, I told you it's fine." Cameron said, as if begging him to stop talking about it.

Charlie nodded slowly, watching Cameron's body movements. He seemed so anxious. Richard sighed quietly to himself, sorting his papers; pretending to be doing something to keep his hands busy. He bit on his bottom lip, grinding his teeth slightly which led to him re-opening the cut from before. He savored the pain, though he hissed at the sudden sting.

Charlie furrowed his brows in confusion as he squinted to try and focus on him more. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes! Fuck Charlie, for the last time, everything is fine." Cameron spat, gripping his papers in his hands. Dalton put his hands up in surrender. "Jesus Christ... God forbid I try to care."

Richard lifted his hands up to press his palms into his eyes. He was so tired. "Sorry." he croaked out, taking in a deep breath.

Charlie sighed. "It's whatever." Cameron bit his tongue, his thoughts getting the best of him. "So.. You and Knox—"

Dalton's breath hitched, turning his attention to the wall.

"Are you... dating?" Richard pretended to sound casual. Charlie sucked in air through his teeth, shaking his head. "No, it's uh... it's complicated. He's not my boyfriend."

"But you kissed him." Cameron replied, not thinking before letting it out. He can never let things go, can he? "Damn it, Cameron, it wasn't like that. It just happened." Charlie said, pinching his nose bridge as if he knew this conversation would happen.

Richard scoffed, almost like a laugh. "Right. Like that's something that just happens."

Charlie sat up, furrowing his brows. "What is your problem, dude? You sound so pissed for no reason."

Cameron tightened his jaw. "No reason?" he repeated, almost letting out a giggle. Why was he choosing to argue? Why now?

"Yes! I mean, so what if we *are* dating, which we're not. Is that 'wrong'?" Dalton stood up now, stepping forward to try and actually get Cameron to look at him. Richard furrowed his brows, turning around quickly to meet his eyes. "*Yes*! Yes, it is!"

"How so, Cameron? Tell me." Charlie pressed his tongue to his cheek. Cameron's fingers twitched in anger.

"You two can't just— That's not right! You're boys, Charlie. That's a sin." The redhead said, and just as the words left his mouth, Charlie swung his knuckles straight into his cheek, knocking him back a bit into his desk. Cameron let out a yelp of pain as his arm bashed against the corner of his desk. He immediately felt the cuts re-open, only adding onto the punch to the face. He lifted a hand up quickly to touch his cheek, opening his eyes to see a very angry Charlie panting in-front of him.

Dalton reached forward and gripped the collar of Cameron's shirt, tugging him forward to force him to make eye contact with him. "Never. I mean never, say something like that to me ever again. Do you understand me, Richard?"

Cameron could feel the blood sticking to his thin pajama sleeves, his cheek throbbing from Charlie's knuckles. He gave a quick nod, wide eyes staring back at Dalton's angry ones. Charlie shoved him back against his desk, stepping back and brushing himself off to try and calm down.

Richard's heart was racing, slipping his arm behind his back. He opened his mouth to say something, but Charlie cut him off. "I don't want your apologies right now." He made his way to his nightstand, grabbing a pack of cigarettes and walked towards the door. "Don't forget to have a candy before you go to bed, Cameron." He said without looking at him, then leaving and slamming the door loudly.

Cameron took in a shaky breath, moving his arm to look at his sleeve. "Fuck—" He said to himself, turning it over to examine it from all angles. He cursed at himself as he removed his shirt, tossing it into his basket angrily. Why does he care so much about him? Cameron wished he knew the answer; or at least he wasn't so afraid to admit the answer. He already admitted enough with Knox.

Knox. Cameron reached his hands up to grip his hair in anger.

Knox wasn't a traitor, Richard knew that. That's why it only made it worse how angry he was with him. Knox didn't know how Cameron felt, he even said it himself. Cameron couldn't blame Overstreet, but by God, did he really want to.

He put a hand to his cheek, blinking rapidly to stop his tears. He's cried enough today, it was time to be a man.

...

Chapter Text

...

Charlie took a long drag off of his cigarette, the lit end illuminating his face in the darkness from outside. He was seated on the steps to one of the entrances of Welton. There really wasn't a point in getting fresh air if the air you're taking in isn't fresh, but Charlie couldn't care less about that. He couldn't care less about anything right now. Why did Cameron even say something like that? Dalton furrowed his brows at the memory of their argument.

He heard the door open behind him, but he couldn't care to see who it was.

"Hey, Char." Knox voice sounded behind him, and Charlie sighed slowly, smoke leaving his mouth as he did. Knox walked up and took a seat next to him. "Hey, Knoxious."

The door closed behind them with no one there to hold it open. Knox looked at Charlie, putting a hand on his knee. "What's wrong?"

Dalton bit his tongue, brushing Knox's hand off of him. "Stupid roommate bullshit." he said, and if he wasn't still upset with Cameron, he'd feel bad for only referring to him as his roommate.

"Cameron?" Knox frowned. "No shit, Sherlock. Who else?" Charlie said, flicking his cigarette on the floor and stomping it out before pulling out another one. Overstreet tried to think of what to say. "What happened? Is it about the—"

"Yeah." Charlie interrupted, not looking at the other boy. "I just didn't expect him to be that kind of person."

"What d'ya mean? What did he say?" Knox said, a bit confused.

"Christian bullshit. 'ohh being a fag is a sin and you are going to hell', yeah right." Dalton muttered, taking a drag off his newly lit cigarette. Knox blinked in confusion. "He really said that?"

"I know right? What a prick."

"No, I mean, that's not what he—" Knox began, but shut his mouth quickly.

Charlie turned his head to look at him. "What?"

"Nothing—" Knox muttered, looking away. "Tell me!" Charlie said, sounding even more angry. Knox frowned, looking back at him. "Cameron told me I can't tell anyone else."

"Fuck Cameron, just say it." Dalton insisted and Knox sighed. "Okay...."

Charlie looked at him, impatiently waiting. "Well? Go on."

"Jeez, alright. So..." he swallowed nervously. "Cameron basically said that, um, he likes boys." He muttered, biting his nails. "Like how you and I like boys."

Charlie squinted in confusion, but with deep focus as well.

"It wasn't in good context though. I found him crying before he told me." Knox added, frowning at the memory of how torn Cameron looked.

Dalton bit his tongue, and Knox continued. "He said he felt like he wasn't who he was supposed to be, or something like that. Maybe that's why he said that to you? Because he thinks that way about himself?"

"Jesus christ, Knox, you sound like a philosopher." Charlie rubbed his eyes in exhaustion. Overstreet smiled a bit at the comment. "You should try to talk it out with him."

Charlie bit his tongue. "That's going to be almost impossible." Knox scoffed in response, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You're being dramatic."

"Knox, I punched him." Dalton said, looking at him now. Knox was taken aback, blinking in confusion. "Charlie, you what?"

Charlie groaned, covering his face. "I know, I know." he thought for a moment, really letting what Knox said sink in.

But Knox was rubbing his shoulder and it was making it hard to focus. He lifted his head, taking Knox's hand off of him. "Give me some time to think about what to say, 'kay?"

Knox nodded slowly, though he frowned when he moved his hand away. "Uh, yeah. I understand." He thought about kissing him again, but he assumed it'd be better not to. So, he slowly got up, then went back inside.

Charlie was left on the steps by himself now, his cigarette being half burnt out due to him forgetting about it.

He put it out, sighing to himself as he stared at the floor. Could Cameron really feel that way? And for who, anyway? He bit his lip, shuffling the small rocks beneath his shoes.

Sometimes he wished he could look inside people's minds. That way he'd know why Richard thought the way he did. It was insufferable to Charlie, to see someone live up to such unrealistic standards.

Why not just live as yourself and who you really are, instead of worrying about an illusion that is supposably telling you what's wrong and what's right?

Dalton contemplated going inside, but the thought of talking to Cameron made his stomach twist.

Besides, how would Cameron even forgive him? Fuck it. He's gotta go back inside to sleep anyways.

---

Cameron had sat at his desk at some point, dissociating from the world around him and only focusing on his text books. He challenged himself to go ahead, determined to understand before the other students. But, he was also doing this to forget the argument with Charlie, and to try and ignore the pain on his cheek and the sting on his arm. He kept a hoodie on, even though he wasn't sure when Charlie would be back.

He swallowed his anxiety, getting up slowly to get a candy from his drawer. He heard the door from their room open behind him and his heart nearly stopped. He pretended not to hear it as he wrapped the candy with trembling hands. His body tensed when he heard the door shut, but he payed it no mind as he put the candy in his mouth.

"Hey." He heard Charlie's voice, and Cameron nearly choked. He swallowed down the candy harshly, like taking a pill without water. ".... Hey." he said, his voice a bit hoarse.

He heard footsteps approaching, and he felt like he couldn't move. He slowly closed his drawer, head ducked down.

"Cameron, look at me." Charlie spoke, and Richard took a deep breath before turning around and slowly looking up from the floor to meet Charlie's eyes.

Dalton frowned, walking closer to him. He reached a gentle hand up to Cameron's cheek, but Richard inhaled sharply through his teeth and jerked away in pain. Charlie swallowed his guilt before speaking again. "I really hit you hard, huh."

"You punched me, but yeah." Cameron muttered, avoiding his gaze. "I'm really sorry." he shuffled his weight from one foot to the other. "For- for what I said. And, I'm sorry for getting into your business." Richard glanced back at the boy in front of him.

"I'm sorry I punched you." He said, voice almost a whisper. "I won't do it again." Cameron frowned. He seemed so guilty, even though it was Cameron who was in the wrong. At least, that's how it seemed in Cameron's mind.

"And I won't say something like that to you again." Richard replied with the same softness in his voice. The atmosphere was tense, but not with anger; something stronger. It made Cameron anxious, opening and closing his fists at his sides.

"Glad we're on the same page then." Charlie responded before taking a step back. A bit of the tension was released and Richard exhaled shakily.

Charlie cursed under his breath, stepping forward again quickly and wrapping his arms around Cameron. He squeezed him a bit, Cameron widening his eyes at the sudden action.

"Charlie—" he mumbled, but Dalton shook his head. "Shut up."

Richard thought about hugging him back, but by the time he was about to, Charlie already pulled away.

"Get some sleep, Richie." Charlie said gently, shedding off his coat to lie in his bed in his robe. Cameron nodded, swallowing thickly as he turned off his desk lamp and climbed into his own bed.

It took him forever to sleep that night, staring wide-eyed at the wall across from him. God, he was so fucked.

....

—

Cameron woke early that morning, he did it every Sunday. He had already gotten dressed, working his fingers through his hair anxiously. Soon, he turned his attention to Charlie, who was still asleep, per usual.

He walked near his roommate, taking a moment to just take in how peaceful he looked. He hated how bad he wanted to comb his fingers through his hair, or how he wanted to put a hand to his cheek just as Charlie did to him last night.

Cameron shook his head at his sinful thoughts, doing what he really came over to do. He shook Charlie at the shoulder and the waist, watching Charlie's eyes shut tight in refusal to wake up.

"Come on, Dalton, get up. You have to get ready." Richard said, pulling the blanket away just as Charlie whined and tried to pull it over his head.

"I don't wanna." Charlie grumbled in a groggy tone. "Go away." he lifted a limp hand and weakly swatted Cameron away. Richard rolled his eyes, standing up straight and backing up. He knew Charlie wouldn't be able to fall back asleep now that he was awake, so he gave him time to rub his eyes open and roll over onto his back, rather than his side.

"Hey, sleepy head. It's Sunday, that means church." Cameron reminded him, and Dalton groaned in response, though he still sat up lazily.

"Can't I just skip?" Charlie complained, stretching. Cameron scoffed, waving him off with his hand. "Of course not!" he said, as if the idea of skipping was absurd.

Dalton groaned, standing up eventually and shedding off his robe which left him in just his boxers. Richard turned his head away quickly, entering his drawer and taking out a piece of candy. "I felt a bit dizzy this morning, so I might bring some with me today. Do you think that'd be rude?" Cameron asked, mainly to fill the silence.

Charlie shrugged, "I mean, you have diabetes, Cam, they can't really tell you no."

"Well, obviously. I just don't want to be judged." Richard mumbled, popping a candy in his mouth. "Eugh. Pineapple." He shook his head, turning to the trash bin and spitting the candy out. He noticed the trash was cleaned out recently. He wondered if the staff ever payed attention to what was in the trash.

Dalton reached up and ruffled Cameron's hair teasingly. "You're fine, Richie. Do what you have to."

Cameron whined at his hair being messed up, reaching up to fix it. Charlie got a good look at Richard's face now, giving a frown. "Cammy-" He mumbled, eyes going soft like how they seemed last night.

Cameron looked at him quickly, feeling his body warm at the nickname. Charlie rarely used it, but it was secretly one of Cameron's favorites. "What? What's the matter?"

"Your face." Charlie said with a sad tone, pointing at his cheek. "It's starting to bruise."

Richard bit his lip nervously, shrugging it off with a light chuckle. "It's fine. I'll manage."

Richard bit his lip nervously, shrugging it off with a light chuckle. "It's fine. I'll manage." He knew he was lying, and Charlie knew it just as well. Neither of them said anything of it.

Cameron suddenly felt a wave of something painful wash over him as he looked at Charlie's brown eyes, and he wasn't sure what he was feeling anymore. What he was supposed to feel. "Worry about yourself, Char. Get ready." His voice felt sad, but he wouldn't let it hang over his head.

He had something else much larger to worry about. As much as he always tried to keep it out of mind on Sundays, he knew he'd have to tell himself this. He had to see that evil man; he had to. He swallowed thickly, pretending to adjust his sleeve cuff.

He had to.

...

Charlie wasn't exactly the smartest, but he wasn't dense. Not as much as Cameron should tell him he is. And as he looked at that redhead as he walked next to him, he knew something was wrong; something was bothering him.

He saw how Cameron turned stiff before they left their dorm room. He saw how he twitched his fingers at his sides, and how his eyes darted from his feet to face head on as if he was moments away from crossing the finish line for some marathon. He noticed these things about Richard that he wouldn't care about if it was anyone else, which was odd, but Charlie told himself it wasn't.

Cameron was relatively soft spoken, but he wasn't reserved like he was being now. Charlie could've sworn Richard stopped walking for a second when they met the entrance of the assembly hall, but the eruption of complaints from the students behind them kept him moving, and Dalton could only describe the look on Cameron's face as fear.

—

Chapter Text

...

The practices weren't anything too interesting, a lot of praise about God and the saints, a lot of singing. A lot of stuff Charlie couldn't care less about. Sometimes he curses his parents for making him attend this school, but his friends at least make it worth while.

He was just laughing at something Meeks had said before Cameron quickly shushed him. Charlie nudged him with a smirk, but Richard was still holding that same tense figure he shifted to when they left. Cameron was always stiff and had ridiculously good posture, sure, but Charlie knew this was different.

He leaned in close to Cameron's shoulder, whispering in a low voice. "Is everything okay?"

Richard turned to glance at him, and he's never been so close to Charlie before. Dalton could see almost every color in his eyes. Cameron gave a tight smile, one that almost made his lips disappear. "I'm fine, Charlie."

-

Dalton would've believed him, but when it came time to head back to their dorms, Cameron's name was called from behind them. Charlie looked back and he could've sworn Richard was about to puke. He was frozen still, eyes locked on the floor. He very slowly, as if moving would get him killed, lifted his head up and turned around.

Richard met eyes with the priest and he wanted to scream. Why? Why me? Why now?

"Richard, come. I have something excellent to share with you." The older gentleman said, smiling. Cameron looked at that smile and felt like there was tar in his lungs. He looked back, seeing Charlie hadn't left.

"Cammy?" Charlie muttered, eyebrows scrunched in confusion. Cameron breathed out tenderly, forcing on a kind smile. "It's fine, Dalton, I'll see you in a bit." Richard began taking steps away from Charlie, as much as it hurt, and instead towards the man waiting for him.

"Cameron, wait—" Dalton attempted to call him, feeling; knowing something was wrong, but Cameron only glanced back at him with sharpness in his eyes. Charlie might've saw tears, but he couldn't stay long enough to really see much of anything.

—

Cameron hadn't returned to their dorm until later that evening. Every step he took he swore he would collapse, for his legs shook and it ached near his thighs. He wouldn't limp however, because of course he wouldn't. Richard wasn't weak. He wouldn't let the priest make him weak. Although he definitely was just this. He was beyond weak; he was fragile. And how careless the priest was, because Cameron's box read "FRAGILE" on all sides, and he ignored the writing and smashed his porcelain all over the floor.

And now, as he turned the doorknob of his room with bruised wrists, he wanted nothing more than to crash into that floor again. Perhaps this time he won't pick himself up, and he could just sink into the floorboards and welcome death. Fortunately, Cameron had a roommate, which he must've forgotten about because his voice scared him shitless.

"Cameron!" Charlie sounded happy, like he'd been waiting for him the whole time. Dalton soon looked over him and that happiness went away with the wind coming in through their partially opened window. "..Cameron?"

Richard couldn't speak, or else he'd break. His lip quivered, shouting at himself in his mind: Leave, get out of there.

He tried to avoid Charlie's eyes but it was almost impossible. Once he made eye contact with him, his vision burned with tears and his throat closed so tight he thought he was suffocating.

Charlie quickly dropped the magazine he was looking through, rushing to stand up and be by Cameron's side. "Cam, jesus, it's okay-" He panicked, shutting the door behind him that Richard had forgotten to shut. He thought about hugging him, but Cameron already reached trembling hands towards Charlie's sweater and balled it into tight fists.

Dalton pulled him in as close as they could manage, Cameron hiding his face into the nape of Charlie's neck. He was holding back so much it made him shake even more, and Charlie took a deep, nervous breath in. "It's okay, let it out—" his voice seemed afraid, but he couldn't worry about that. He knew Cameron needed this, but he didn't know why.

Richard desperately shook his head, over and over again. He couldn't break, not yet. Charlie nodded against Cameron's refusal. "Yes you can, I know you can, Richard."

Cameron felt something drop in his chest, and a sob tore out from his chest. He felt hysterical. If he wasn't focused on making sure Charlie was actually real by clinging to him with his life, he would've been worried about how "pathetic" he was acting.

Dalton was terrified, if he was being honest. He's never even seen *Neil* like this, and Cameron was never one to express himself. He shut his eyes tight, squeezing the trembling red head close to his chest. "Tell me what happened, Cameron. You gotta explain it—"

"I CAN'T." Cameron spoke, voice broken and filled with the most guttural emotion Charlie had ever heard. Dalton shook his head, feeling his own eyes sting with tears just out of pure empathy.

"Please, Cameron, you can't just—"

Richard bit into Charlie's shoulder to try and get himself to quiet down, letting out heavy sobs and gagging occasionally from how much was being let out. It was all too much for him. His knees were slightly bent from the weight on his shoulders and how badly he was trembling. "I want-" he sputtered, but he was still hyperventilating on top of choking on his tears.... and the phantom of the priest down his throat.

"What do you want?" Charlie asked a bit too quickly, moving to let go of him, but Cameron gripped his shirt tighter.

"Clothes." Was the only thing Dalton could understand from his sputtering in between sobs. He nodded, looking around the room to try and plan out his next move. "Uhh, yeah, okay Cammy, I can do that. I need you to try and breathe though, you're going to faint if you don't try and calm down."

Richard felt dizzy, unable to keep his sobs down. "I just want him to stop touching me." He shook, fists still clenching Charlie's sweater in a mix of emotions he couldn't explain.

Charlie's brows furrowed slowly, looking at the wall to take in what he said. "W.. Touching? Who?"

Cameron hitched his breath, shaking his head. "Wait. No. no, no, no, no—" he sputtered repeatedly and quickly, pulling himself off of Charlie to grip at his curls as he avoided Dalton's gaze. Charlie knelt down in-front of him, grabbing his wrists to get his attention. Richard hissed at the contact on the bruises, looking at Charlie with a mixture of fear and sadness. "Don't touch me!" he shouted, pushing him away.

Charlie swallowed, frowning. 'Leave him be', he would've told anyone else if it wasn't just the two of them. But it was just the two of them; Charlie had to do something. "What happened, Cameron?"

Richard's vision blurred from his heart rate, turning away from him. "I can't.. think."

"Cameron, you gotta sit down." He told him, voice unusually soft. "I'm getting you clothes, okay?" he assured, standing up as Richard sunk to the ground and curled into himself. He felt so weak.

Charlie looked through Cameron's closet, easily finding an outfit because of his reputation of being organized. Dalton had watched his roommate long enough to where just where everything he owned was put.

Richard was staring at a space on the floor, clamping down his tongue to stop crying, "I'm sorry," his eyes overfilled with tears again, Charlie quickly sitting by his side again. "Don't apologize, Richie, you clearly have a lot going on."

The comfort reminded him of Knox, his stomach twisting a bit. "I'm going to get you your water, here's your clothes." Charlie placed the new outfit in Richard's lap, then stood up to approach Cameron's bed.

Richard removed his shirt without a care, he just wanted to feel clean again. However, when Charlie turned to face him with the water bottle in hand, his eyes were drawn to his arm. Not only that, but his wrists and his waist were scattered with bruises.

Dalton frowned, but more out of anger. "Cameron. Who did that?" his eyebrows narrowed, slowly walking towards him.

Cameron shakily breathed out, looking away from him out of fear. "I'm sorry."

"No, I don't want a sorry, I want a name. Who?" Charlie said, sounding more aggressive than he meant to. Richard shook his head, squeezing his shirt in his hands. "He told me not to tell anyone." he sniffled, wiping his nose with his bare arm.

"Richard." Charlie begged, sitting on his knees in-front of him and grabbing his shoulders. "I've known you for years. This is fucking serious."

Richard groaned out a frustrated sob, covering his eyes. "You think I don't know that!?" he sniffled, crying into his palms.

"You can't keep something like this away from people. From ME, especially." Charlie said, moving his hand to caress his freckled cheek before thinking of a different idea. "Can't you at least... tell me what this person did?"

Cameron frowned, Charlie's simple action managing to let him release at least some sort of tension, though he was still trembling. He set the shirt to the side instead of putting it on, leaning back with a heavy and shaking breath. "Char, if I'm telling you this.. you won't call me a freak will you?" he asked, voice weak with tears in his eyes.

Charlie shook his head in protest. "Of course not, Cameron." He frowned at the idea that Cameron would even think that way.

Richard bit his lip stressfully. "Charlie, I don't--" he paused, looking up to blink away his tears. He felt his throat closing again. "I don't think I'm a virgin. I haven't been, for a while."

Charlie squinted at him in confusion. He didn't expect that exactly, especially not from Richard Cameron. "Isn't that a good thing?"

"No, Charlie. It's not." His voice broke near the end, trying to take deep breaths to continue explaining. He wiped his eyes with his arm as he sniffled. "Not when.. when it's a man." He added, frowning at the sin leaving his mouth.

Charlie looked over him, at his bare torso. "So? Is he the one who did that?" He mumbled, putting a hand over the bruises on his wrists. Cameron nodded slowly, tears dropping on his jeans and turning the material a bit darker.

"He's older than me. Charlie. He's older than you." He whispered with pain in his voice, hoping Dalton was understanding what he was saying. Dalton raised a brow, still a bit confused. "Why'd you have sex with him then? And, how come he did all this?" Charlie asked, clearly not understanding the big picture.

Cameron bit his lip harshly, fighting back his voice. "Charlie...." he was looking into his brown eyes now, feeling his stomach twist with sickness, and for a moment he swore he was about to puke. "He made me do it. I didn't want to have sex with him, he just— wouldn't let go of me." Cameron's voice was just below a whisper, his lips quivering at the secret slipping.

Dalton's eyes widened. At first it was shock, a bit of sadness, then immediately anger. No, rage. "What?" Charlie searched in those flooded, green eyes, feeling his fingers twitch with heavy emotion. "Who was it? Cameron, tell me."

Richard would've said it, but his throat was closed in, and he was sobbing again. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-"

Charlie leaned forwards, practically pulling him into his lap and squeezing him tight; partly to suppress his fuming anger. "Cameron, it's not your fault."

Cameron knew he couldn't keep it together anymore. So much for secrets. "He— He said-" Richard gagged, attempting to pull away from Charlie so he wouldn't hurl all over him. He didn't though. "He told me that if I told anyone—" he gasped for a moment, clearly out of breath. "he said that God would be disappointed. He said I'd go to hell, Charlie. I don't wanna go to Hell, Charlie." He said Charlie's name as if Dalton was God himself.

And Charlie himself really wished he was God. He wished he could change everything; make whatever bastard that did this pay. "Who was it, Richard? Who was it?" he rubbed his shoulders gently. Boy, was he real warm.

Cameron wiped his nose with his palm. Usually, Richard never put his bare hands even near his nose. Now, he was drenched in snot, sweat and tears. "The priest. In the — the assembly hall."

Charlie's eyes narrowed and he swore his chest was on fire with how angry he was. God, was he angry. He was so angry, he was almost excited. Charlie always got excited when he was angry. "I'll kill him." He said. Charlie meant it too, he really did. Cameron knew that when he looked up at his brown eyes. Richard would've kissed him then, he wanted to. Charlie's anger made him feel understood.

But, Richard can't allow it. "Charlie, no. You'll get kicked out of Welton— Hell, you'll end up in jail! Please—" He lifted a shaking hand up to his cheek. "Just stay with me. Please."

Charlie swallowed, now only focused on whatever Cameron needed. As crumby as it sounds, he wanted to do whatever he could to make Richard feel good. "Always."

Cameron leaned forward, suddenly exhausted from his break down, pressing their foreheads together. Their noses were touching, too. Richard felt guilty of something, but he couldn't place a name for what. "Always?"

Charlie nodded, and he'd forgotten how uncomfortable his legs were, he'd forgotten about his magazine, he'd forgotten what goddamn time it was. "Always. I promise."

Cameron closed his eyes. "You're my best friend, Dalton." he admitted suddenly, his voice weak from crying. "You really are."

Charlie didn't answer him. He looked down at Richard's hands instead, which were fiddling with the rim of Charlie's sweater. Dalton was so depressed suddenly, he wanted to cry. He really did. He could feel in his throat and his eyes burned, too.

Charlie never liked when that happened; his emotions being more than just small feelings here and there. He needed a distraction. "Cameron," he said before thinking first, like usual. He had a habit of doing that. Not thinking.

Richard lifted his head to look at him. Charlie's heart ached at the sore pink around his green eyes from crying. "You're my best friend too, okay? Okay?"

Cameron swallowed thickly, trying to think of what he should say. Charlie beat him to it, like he always did. "Hey."

"What--" Rich said, his attention grabbed again. Then, Charlie did something weird. Not gross weird, but odd. He leaned forward, all slow like they do in those films at the theatre, and he pressed his lips to the corner of Cameron's eye.

Cameron, in shock, pulled away rather quickly. Charlie bit his tongue in regret. "Calm down, I'm not being queer with you. Don't worry." He didn't mean it to sound mean, but Richard was climbing off of him. Dalton wouldn't ever admit it, but he missed the warmth Cameron was providing.

"Yeah, I know." He sounded shaky again. Charlie frowned, watching him stand up and grab his shirt. Charlie almost forgot he was shirtless. God, he's such an idiot.

"I mean it." Charlie said, standing up with him.

"I know, Dalton. You have Knox anyways, I already know about that." Cameron assured, slipping his shirt over his head and through the arm holes. He approached his drawer, opening it and taking out a juice box, instead of candy this time.

Dalton sort of felt his chest ache again, like he wanted something. He always wanted something. Cameron mentioning Overstreet didn't make him feel the greatest either. "I'm sorry about that, too. Y'know that? Okay? Hey?"

Richard finally looked up at him. "Charlie. I don't care about you and Knox. Please, stop apologizing. It's unnecessary."

Charlie nodded, the room coming to a lull. Dalton never liked silence, not one bit. He looked around, trying to find something to talk about while Cameron finished his juice box and tossed it in the trash. That's when Charlie caught a glimpse of his arm again. He felt a tug of something painful in his stomach, frowning. He took in a quick breath. "Did you do that?" He said it all in that one breath. He didn't do a very good job at hiding the worry in his voice.

"Charlie--" Cameron sighed, but Dalton wouldn't have it.

"No, answer me." He said, pointing at the arm Richard was trying to hide now. "Did you--"

"Yes, goddamn it! for Christ's sake, Charlie, would you--" Richard shouted, sort of, but he regretted it soon and closed his mouth. He hated yelling at people who didn't deserve it. He felt tears again, turning his head away in frustration. "I really don't want to talk about it, Char."

Charlie stood where he was, feeling like a little kid being yelled at by his parents. He nodded gently, anxiously looking around again. "Okay." He tightened his jaw, blinking away the dampness in his eyes. "Okay. We won't talk about it then, yeah?"

"Okay." Cameron said, Charlie echoing his response. The room went silent again. Charlie really wanted something. He felt like he was physically in pain with how much he was loning. Trouble was, he couldn't describe what he needed. "Richard."

Cameron sighed out shakily, turning to look at Dalton. "What now?"

"I'm really sorry. About what happened to you." Charlie said, he felt like such an idiot. Standing there, twitching his hands at his sides.

Richard looked at the floor, smiling a bit. "There wouldn't be much you could've done." He pushed out a breath that sounded almost like a chuckle. "Really, Charlie, you didn't know. It's fine."

Fine. God, Charlie was thinking Cameron had lost his mind. "None of this is fine, Cameron. You- You could've told me sooner, I woulda... I woulda beaten his ass. I'll do it now, matter of fact, I will. I will."

Richard began shaking his head, but Charlie cut him off again. "No, no. No. I will. I'll get that dirty bastard kicked right outta here!" Charlie was nearly shouting by now, going to get his coat off the hanger.

Cameron stood up. "No, you're not! Get over here, damn it!" He begged, quickly walking to the other and yanking him away from the door by his arm. Charlie pulled away in protest. "Cameron, you can't let him get away with that!"

"I won't, would you please listen! We can report it to the headmaster, Charlie, you don't need to--" He grabbed Dalton's arm, pulling him back towards him.

"But what if he doesn't do anything? What if you get in trouble instead? What if--"

"Will you stop worrying about me so much?" Cameron interrupted him with furrowed brows.

"I can't! I can't just not worry about you-- You're just so-" He trailed off, biting his tongue back.

"I'm so what?" Richard said with a frown, taking a step back.

Charlie panicked, afraid Cameron though he was insulting him. He reached for Richard's shirt collar, and without thinking, pressed their lips together.

...

Chapter Text

It was sort of difficult for Charlie to describe how exactly Cameron's lips felt. He tasted rare and sweet, almost like cherry wine. Of course, Cameron doesn't drink. But, by God, was he divine. Charlie pulled off after only a few moments, his eyes fluttering open to look at Richard. He licked at his lip, kind of hoping he could still taste the other boy by doing so.

Cameron was wide-eyed. He was so goddamn wide-eyed, you'd think he'd just seen a massacre play out in front of him.

Charlie swallowed. "Cameron?"

The red head didn't say a word.

"Hello?" Charlie chuckled slightly, waving his hand in front of Richard's face. "God, I didn't know I was that good of a kisser---"

"Are you fucking serious?" Cameron cut him off. Oh, was he furious. He was so angry, it almost looked like he was crying.

Dalton was taken aback, putting his hands down as the smile faded. "What d'ya mean?" Cameron could've socked him in the jaw right there.

"What do I mean? Charlie, are you out of your goddamn mind!?" It sounded more like a statement, rather than a question. Cameron's face was all red, too. Dalton felt sorry for him, but he had no idea what the hell was going on.

"What did I do?" Charlie asked, a bit defensively.

Richard's eye twitched, closing tight fists at his sides. "You- You can't do that to someone! Charlie, I'm not some girl you can just--" He sort of sounded like he couldn't even say the word 'kiss'. "--do that to in the heat of the moment. I'm a guy, for Christ's sake, Charlie!"

Charlie was feeling depressed again. "Yeah? So? What does that make me? I'm a guy too, there's no difference."

"There is! I'm not a fag, Dalton, I-I have an education, a life ahead of me, I can't just--"

"Oh? So, you're saying I'm a fag? That I don't have an education. That I don't have a life ahead of me. Is that what you're saying?"

Charlie hated feeling sad. He hated it more than anything in the goddamn world. He always replaced it with something else. Anger. Anger wasn't a weak feeling.

"That's not what I'm saying, I'm saying that you--" Cameron began.

"I don't understand why you're making this so difficult, Cameron, just say you're not ready." Charlie cut him off, narrowing his eyes.

"It wouldn't do anything though, Charlie, can't you get that through your head?" Richard shouted, pointing at his own temples.

Charlie tightened his jaw. "What do you mean? See, you never make any sense--"

"Maybe, if you weren't so DENSE, you'd understand that I can't and I will never be in some relationship with you." Cameron bit back with gritted teeth.

Charlie put his hands into fists. "What did you just call me?" He sounded sort of scary, in a way.

Richard sighed, rolling his eyes. "I didn't mean--"

"No. What did you call me." Charlie stepped forward. Cameron was growing nervous now, but he stood his ground. He can only defend himself so much.

"I said you were dense. Open your goddamn ears, Charlie." He said, and Charlie gripped his shirt and tugged him closer.

"Say it again, come on." He was furious.

Cameron, forgetting how Charlie wouldn't hesitate to punch him, spoke up again. "How about you're a moron? You like that one better, or do you want me to call you plain stupid?" He furrowed his brows, looking at how angry Charlie was getting. Before he knew it, however, he was pushed backwards, into his nightstand.

"Keep talking, Richard. I dare you." Charlie huffed, looking him in the eyes.

Richard sort of enjoyed the adrenaline; the pain in his back. "If you insist."

.....

Neil sat on his bed, play script in hand as he mumbled the lines to himself. Todd sat in his own bed, looking half-asleep as he read.

"Todd, what does 'abjure' mean again?" Neil asked out loud, but his eyes remained on the script.

Todd also remained looking at his book. "To abstain from. Sort of like swearing something off."

Neil hummed, nodding as he continued reading. Soon, however it was disturbed by a crashing sound next door. Neil lifted his head, as did Todd.

"Who's doing that?" He sounded rather tired as he rubbed his eyes. Neil bit his tongue. "Sounds like Charlie's room, I think."

"Maybe. Should we go check?" Todd asked, his blue eyes catching Neil's brown ones. The brunette shrugged.

"I'm sure he's fine. It's Charlie, for Christ's sake." He chuckled, about to continue reading, but there was another crash followed by a shout. "... Maybe not." He got up quickly, his abrupt speed causing Todd to do the same. They each left the room, Todd behind Neil as they went to figure out what was going on in Charlie's room.

Neil opened the door immediately, freezing in the doorway to look over what was happening. Cameron and Charlie both stood, panting. There were a few things knocked over on the floor, but Cameron's nose was bleeding and one of Charlie's eyes was closed tight with a light cut on his cheek.

Charlie made his way to swing at Cameron again, since he was distracted by Neil's presence, but Neil quickly ran over and grabbed his wrist to bring it down. "Cut it out, Charlie! What's the matter with you two?" Charlie didn't look at Neil, just Cameron.

Cameron took a deep breath, wiping his bleeding nose with his bare hand. "I should've never told you about him." He said, before walking towards the door and pushing past Todd to leave.

Neil looked at Charlie, but he didn't look angry anymore. He had tears flooding his eyes now, finally looking at Neil.

"D'ya wanna come sit in my room for a bit?" Neil asked knowingly, glancing at Todd.

Charlie sniffled, shoving Neil to head out the door. However, he still walked over to Neil and Todd's room, so the other two just followed.

....

Chapter Text

...

It was nearing winter by the second at Welton at this time, so when Cameron escapes his fight with Charlie by walking around the rooftops, you wouldn't doubt that he regretted not wearing his coat. Richard toned into the sound his shoes made on the stone embedded pavement, hoping to forget the fighting, or at least forget how cold he was.

He was walking along the bridge area, hands stiffy rested in his pockets. He slowed his pace, looking up at the evening sunset. He walked closer to the ledge, looking over the surroundings below him. Cameron took a hand out from the safety of his pocket, pressing it against the cold, stone railing. He took a deep breath at the contact, but he enjoyed it.

Things like that always sparked something inside Cameron. Those were things Richard had control over most of the time. He was addicted to having control, to admit. Pain was something he had somewhat control over, and he used it as so.

He dissociated into the view of the ground from above. It was far from where he stands now, and the more he stared, the more his stomach twisted. He felt a serpent wrap around his soul, his body. It was strong thing to consider, Cameron knows that just as well as the next person. The fact of him even thinking to consider though, was enough to give him the strength to come back to his senses; to take a few steps back from that ledge.

He chose to keep to his current wounds. Wounds the one he yearns for had inflicted. He almost liked them more than wounds he gives himself, simply because of the fact that Charlie had given them to him. It was sort of comparable to a gift, to Cameron. A kiss with a fist was better than none. Even though Richard was the one to object to that kiss, the one to turn those hands once soft into cold fists, he can't admit to hating Charlie's feel of his lips. For it would not be true, and Cameron is known as one for keeping truth. Academically, of course, for as he continues his journey onward of walking the rooftops of Welton, he lies to himself. He always lies to himself when Dalton is the subject. Dalton brought out the worst in him, and God, did Cameron hate it. Even then, however, he lies. It was impossible to truly hate anything if Charlie was involved.

Cameron wondered if that was how Adam felt with Eve, before the tragedy. Maybe even after, too. Could that love be one of comparison? That is, if Cameron would stop telling himself it wasn't love. The serpent from the bridge remained in his soul since then, and followed even after Cameron went inside to escape the cold.

...

Chapter Text

...

The talk with Neil didn't exactly solve things between the two. In fact, for the next week or so, Charlie and Cameron ignore each other completely. Cameron stopped appearing at the society meetings, or simply even at the lunch table. When the others ask Charlie where Cameron is, which is logical because Charlie was close with him, he shrugs like he couldn't care less. "Fuck if I know, and fuck if I care."

"Charles, you got to talk to him about whatever is going on. Aren't you worried?" Knox mumbled to him from across the table.

"Nope." Dalton replied lazily, popping the 'P' obnoxiously. "He's the one being a dick. No wonder his name is Richard."

The other poets gave nervous glances around the table, before Meeks spoke up. "Charlie, don't you think you're being a bit hard on him?"

Pitts nodded in agreement. "Yeah. I mean, you're always mean to him, sure, but this is a bit excessive." He added, sounding nervous to speak up, like usual.

Dalton just rolled his eyes, ignoring the pain he felt in his chest when the poets told him this. Cameron wasn't a dick. God, did Charlie know that. Cameron was kind, he was caring. Cameron was organized. Cameron was sweet. Cameron was cherry wine, and Charlie had been sobering for too long.

"Why do you guys care anyways?" Charlie soon spoke, because of course he did. Though, he didn't give them time to answer. "I can be mean to him all I want! Besides, all he's probably doing right now is riding that stick that's always shoved up his ass." He spat, fork picking at his food. When he looked up from his plate however, his friends' faces were pale as ever.

"Charlie--" Neil began, looking almost afraid, but Charlie barked back up. "What? You're looking at me like I'm wrong! He does have a stick up his ass. As a matter of fact, I think he's the most uptight and boring person in this whole damn school!"

"Charlie!" Meeks said a bit louder, cutting him off. Charlie studied their faces, realizing that they weren't looking at him, but rather behind him.

Oh god.

Realization, and a bit of regret, dawned on his face, slowly turning around. He hoped it wasn't what he thought, but when his eyes met that familiar copper hair and, unfortunately painful, sad green eyes, he felt his stomach drop down to the floor.

Cameron just stared at him. His breath hitched, lips parting to say something, but instead, he turned on his heel and left the dining hall without a word. He was walking quite fast, too. Which was unfortunate for Charlie, who decided to jump up from his seat and chase him down to give an explanation. But what was there to explain? 'Hey, so the reason I was definitely dragging your name through the dirt was because I'm actually rather fond of you and I actually meant none of it!'

Charlie really almost considered that reasoning, but it was difficult to think when he was fighting to catch up to Richard, who was a little more than two steps ahead of him and turned a swift corner into their dorm room and slammed it shut. Albeit against the formal rules of Welton, Cameron was too overwhelmed to care about slamming doors.

Charlie panted as he ran up to the door, pounding his fist against the old wood. "Cameron, please-- Open the door, I can explain." He sounded terribly out of breath, but he couldn't care at the moment.

Richard turned the lock from the inside, aware that Charlie's copy of the keys rested on his nightstand. He slid his back down the door until his body had met the floor, and his knees bent up to his chest. "Go away, Dalton!" His voice was broken and cracked all over again. God, can he not be normal around Charlie?

"Please, Cam-- You- You can't kick me out of my own dorm! Open the damn door!" Charlie begged, but the only answer he received was sniffling from the other side of the room.

"Can't we talk about this? Please?" he tried the doorhandle, but it wouldn't budge.

"You can talk through the door if it's that important." Cameron spat, his voice clearly angry. It stung in a way that made Charlie's chest tighten. Funny, wasn't it? How Cameron was making him hurt, but Charlie was the one who had started all of this.

"Richie." He pleaded through the door. Cameron threw his head back, landing it against the door with a little too much force. He savored the pain for a moment. "Dalton." He replied, like poison. The serpent managed to find his tongue somehow.

"I'm really sorry." Charlie swallowed, looking around nervously in-case anyone saw how pathetic he seemed. "Please, let me in." He heard shifting on the other side of the door, but there was no click of the door unlocking.

"I don't know why I said it. I just don't understand still. With- with the kiss--"

Richard flinched at the mention of it. Charlie knew he did, too.

"I'm sorry I did that, too. You're just.. so confusing, Cameron, if you want to know the truth." Charlie continued, Cameron just listened while occasionally wiping his eyes with his woolen sweater sleeve.

"I can't figure out what you need for the life of me. You're so different from everyone else I know." He admitted, rubbing his thumb against the doorknob. "Not kidding."

There was silence for a long while, but then, the doorknob clicked. Cameron carefully opened the door and made eye contact with Charles. "Why do you have to be so mean?"

Charlie wanted to drop to the floor and cry in that moment. Cameron sounded almost like a child, who had just been yelled at by his parents. He couldn't imagine the fact that he had caused it. Cameron's nose was a rose pink, and his cheeks were stained with tears.

"Would you believe me if I told you I didn't know?" Charlie replied, frowning a bit himself. Cameron shared his confusion, stepping out of the doorway to let Charlie inside.

"Yes. Yes, I would."

....

Chapter Text

...

They spoke for a while, surprisingly on Charlie's part, even a few apologies included. They conversation drifted until they both sort of fell silent.

Cameron decided to take the floor, breathing deeply. "I didn't mean it. When I said I regret telling you about the priest."

Charlie looked at him instead of the floor now. He looked pained, as if remembering the exact moment Cameron had said it. "I know, Cam."

"I met with him. A few times, uh-" Richard's voice quivered as he spoke, and Dalton could tell something was up. "When you and I stopped talking to each other for a bit. I met with him a few times, the usual happened. I-I don't like it; I don't at all. I think I needed some sort of grounding, I guess. I felt insane, I think. I don't know, forget I said anything, I'm just tired--" Cameron turned to fix his blankets.

"Wait, wait, wait." Charlie caught his breath. "You went to the assembly hall, on purpose, and met with the priest. on purpose--"

"I knew what he would do, I'm not stupid. That's why I went." Richard cut him off. He felt like he was suffocating now. He couldn't leave now, though. He can't keep fleeing when the situation gets too tense.

"Why? Why would you do that to yourself?" Charlie begged an answer, sitting up now.

Cameron swallowed. "It makes me feel appreciated." he whispered, folding his hands in his lap.

Charlie squinted at him, a bit of confusion but also sadness. Then, like always when he felt sad, Charlie replaced it with anger. "I'm- I'll... be right back." He stood up, heading to the door.

Cameron looked up suddenly, a bit nervous. He'd said too much. "Where are you going?"

"Lost track of time. Neil needed me for something. Don't worry about it." Dalton grabbed his coat. "Get some sleep, Rich." Then, he left.

....

Charlie marched down the hall, down the stairs. It was only just after dinner, most of the students were either studying or heading to bed early. Charlie? He was on a mission.

He continued on, anger ignited high in his chest, until he reached the headmaster's office. He knocked on the door as polite as he could, swallowing anxiously.

Mr. Nolan opened the door with a quirked brow. "Mr. Dalton?" he greeted.

"I'd like to file a report on one of Welton's staff." He said, voice clear, but he spoke quite urgently.

Mr. Nolan was suspicious but stepped aside to let Charles in the office. The door was then shut, and Charlie's began his case.

—

Mr. Nolan walked Charles back out the door after a while, but Charlie looked disheveled.

"Your parents will be notified and will be here to escort you off of the premises by morning. I expected better from you, Charles." Nolan said, eyes narrowed on the student in front of him. "We will be seeing you back to Welton in two weeks." He said before the door shut and Charlie was left alone, fists clenched and shaking in rage.

He went back upstairs, to the dorms. He knocked on Neil's door, Todd answering. "Oh, hi Charlie." His voice was soft as usual. Charles looked over at Neil, who was putting on his coat.

"Getting ready for a meeting tonight, C-Money?" Neil said with a grin, and Charlie gave a light smirk. "Yeah, you could say that. I'll meet you with the others." He said, before walking off to return to his own dorm.

Cameron hadn't slept, like Charlie asked. Instead, he sat at his desk, reading over sonnets for english. He looked up once Charlie entered their room. "Hey, Dalton." He mumbled, but Charlie was far from a smile. He, instead, approached his closet and took a sweater or two off of his hangers. Cameron had hung them up because Charlie was "recklessly unorganized".

"What're you doing?" Cameron asked in confusion. Charlie sighed. "Just packing."

"What? Why?" Richard stood up quickly.

"Look, I'll explain later." Charlie said, pinching his nose-bridge. Nolan was a moron. This whole school was filled with idiots.

Cameron frowned. "At the cave?" He asked.

Charlie nodded absent-mindedly, and resumed packing his outfits. Soon, it was time for the poets to retreat to their sanctuary. The two boys left their dorm, as did the others, exchanging smiles and an occasional "shhh!" as they hurried down staircases with their hoods up.

...

They all entered the cave, Pitts having to duck his head down more than the others, and they all got seated. Neil stood, and they recited their opening statement. Then, Neil was seated with the others.

Charlie swallowed thickly before speaking, "I have something I need to tell you guys."

Cameron lifted his head up immediately, the others listening in closely. "The floor is yours." Neil said formally.

"I'm suspended." He said, and the cave erupted with over-lapping shouts and gasping.

"What did you do??"
"What didn't he do?"
"How did that happen??"
"Charlie, you're WHAT?"

"Listen, listen!" Charlie silenced them. "I can't exactly explain it. It's sort of personal stuff. But I'll be gone for two weeks."

"TWO WEEKS?" The boys shouted in unison.

"Guys, guys! It's fine!" Charlie insisted, raising his hands to calm them down.

"No, it's not fine, Dalton! What on earth did you do!" Cameron shouted, eyebrows knit in anger and desperate confusion.

"I.. made a report. And he didn't believe me." Dalton confessed, and Cameron squinted at him, as if trying to figure out what he meant.

"So you're suspended for lying?" Meeks asked, but more trying to confirm.

Charlie sighed. "False report, I guess."

"But is what you reported true?" Knox asked, others nodding as if asking the same thing.

"Yes!" Charlie nearly shouted in anger, slamming his fist down against the rock beneath him.

Neil frowned, patting his friend's shoulder. "What was the report about?" Charlie tightened his jaw, taking the cigarette from Knox's fingers and dragging off of it. "Staff member. That cunt." He kicked a rock under his shoe which rolled out of the cave entrance.

"Really? What'd he do?" Meeks asked, a mysterious flask in hand.

Charlie fought back the urge to look at Cameron. "Nothin' grand." Cameron was quite smart, so it didn't take long for him to understand. He could've hugged Charlie for caring so much, but he really wanted to punch him for being such an utter idiot.

"It's fine. Whatever he did clearly isn't bad enough to get him fired." Pitts shrugged. "It was sort of silly on your part to do it anyways." Knox nodded. "Yeah, man. None of the staff listen to the boys anyway."

"They're all fuckin' morons." Charlie hissed through gritted teeth. God, he was worked up. "What's in the bottle, Meeksie?" He asked, voice a bit harsh. Meeks knew he didn't mean anything by it and passed the flask over. "Just cheap liquor. Can't get much else. You can thank Knox for that, too."

Knox gave a proud grin. Charlie couldn't give a damn who it came from. But, it was Knox. He had to care a little. "Well, thank heaven, because I believe you're an angel, Knoxious." He said before taking a swig.

Cameron shifted uncomfortably, picking the skin around his finger nails.

Todd fixated his eyes on the floor, speaking without thinking. "You aren't hurt, are you, Charlie? Like, he didn't do nothing extraordinarily terrible, right?" His face was a bit pink when he was done speaking. Anderson was typical like that.

Dalton slouched a bit against the rock, cigarette in one hand and flask in the other. "Nah. I'm counting his days, though. If I was God, he'd be dead in an instant."

"That's not how being God works, Dalton." Cameron muttered, but the boys just chuckled. Usual Richard and his christian self. Only, within the laughter, Charlie and Cameron made eye contact. The two of them cherished that moment as the night proceeded.

...

When it was time to come back inside, they each retreated to their own dorms. Charlie came in after Cameron, being the one to shut the door.

Before Charlie could say anything, he was pulled into a painfully tight embrace. He was frozen for a moment, before wrapping his arms around Cameron and squeezing him closer.

"You are such a fucking idiot." Cameron muffled into Charlie's shoulder. Charlie couldn't remember a time they were this close since that horrendous kiss he initiated.

"I know, I'm sorry. I thought it would work.. or do something." Charlie ranted. He could smell Cameron's conditioner. Not that it's important.

Richard shook his head. "Normally, I'd tell you to go to bed now. But..." he trailed off, frowning. Charlie pulled the two of them out of the hug. "But what?"

"You're leaving in the morning." Cameron mumbled. "I don't want to rush the silence that is to come when you're not here to talk my ears off."

Charlie scoffed. "So, Dicky Cameron enjoys my company?"

"Oh, please. Go to sleep if you'd like." Richard eye rolled, but it was hard to hide the light smile that tugged at the corners of his lips.

Charlie shook his head. "I have a very limited amount of time to annoy you now, Cammy. It shan't be wasted!"

The two of them exchanged a laugh, as Cameron sat at his study desk, and Charlie lay propped on his elbows to talk away. Cameron could almost forget the events of that day, or events that are to come. He only relished in that moment for the night, feeling truly happy, and he hadn't even noticed it. Knowing Richard, acknowledging his feelings would only ruin the moment. And he'd give anything to keep it exactly the way it was right now.

...

Chapter Text

.......But, just like always, It never did stay that way.

"I know, Richard, for the last time, please. Give me a break!" Charlie said in an exhausted voice, slamming his suitcase shut. Cameron had been lecturing Dalton on how stupid his actions were. they weren't all that stupid, to tell the truth. But Cameron held too much shame for what had happened to him.

"You're getting your break right now. Two weeks." Rich said, tone bitter as he held his arms tightly crossed over his chest.

Charlie sighed. "I know you're so devastated that I'm leaving. I know you'll miss me so so much, Cameron. But, please, don't flatter me." He said, sass evident in his voice.

Cameron was growing annoyed with how childish Charlie was acting. He always was. "Maybe I won't." He muttered, and Charlie felt like a bullet had ran through his heart. He didn't say anything about it though, even if he started bleeding out of the floor then and there. He didn't say anything after that actually, in fact, he grabbed his belongings and left the dorm completely.

Richard regretted it, he did it every time any words leapt from his rotten mouth. But regret wasn't enough to get him to follow Charlie to the doors. He sighed, combing his boney fingers through his curls. Charles fucking Dalton.

Just moments ago that night things were almost perfect. The closest to friendship they'd gotten without it being blossomed just because Cameron had broken down. It felt real, not like before, when it felt to Richard that Charlie had to because the other boy had been crying. He was friendly (and, rather annoying), just to be that way without a feeling of force.

God, he could be such an idiot at times. Cameron would just have to wait this out another two weeks, maybe it'll be forgotten, just a simple argument they always had.

But with the lingering sting Charlie felt in his chest as he sat in the back seat of his parents' car, it didn't seem so.

'Maybe I won't.'

Dalton didn't like the idea of Cameron not missing him. Although not friends, they share all the same ingredients. That has to count for something, right?

—

Chapter Text

...

The first morning without Charlie was fine, Cameron would say. And if a longing tried creeping up his throat, he wouldn't say anything.

The first afternoon without Charlie was nice, Cameron would try to admit. And if he felt his ears ringing from the empty silence in his room, he wouldn't say anything.

The first night without Charlie was great, Camron would lie. And if he found himself staring at the empty bed across from his own, with a sense of yearning deep down inside of him somewhere, he wouldn't say anything.

He didn't say much of anything without Charlie away, he noticed.

Until he did.

"What?" His eyes scanned Mr. Nolan's face. He was seated at a chair in the headmaster's office.

"Is there a problem? I think we have made ourselves very clear, Cameron. Starting today, your things will be moved to room 204." The headmaster replied, a bitterness in his tone, along with a sort of resentment.

"But what about my roommate?" Cameron sputtered, something his parents made very clear not to do to an authority.

"Sir Dalton will be fine on his own, there will be less repercussions that way. Your new roommate, Overstreet, will be happy to accompany you. Change is for the better, Richard. Especially with all these falsehoods running about." Cameron felt his eyes burn. "Wouldn't need reputations being affected, is that clear?" Nolan narrowed his eyes at the student in front of him.

Cameron shut out his thoughts, taking a deep breath in. He gave Mr. Nolan a polite smile. "Of course, Sir. I understand."

"Good boy, Richard. You always do what's best for yourself. A true man." The headmaster gave a proud grin, and Cameron felt like sinking under the floorboards and dying there. He stood up, exchanged a handshake with Nolan, as a new set of copper keys were put into his palms.

"You can ask staff for help with packing, if need be." Mr. Nolan advised before shutting the door behind Cameron.

"Oh, God." Richard muttered, reading over the number tag on his new keys.

—

Meanwhile, at the Dalton residence……

“Charles!” An older woman sing-songed her son’s name from their ridiculously large dining room. She had very vibrant lipstick on, and she was smoking her 20th cigarette that morning. Charlie sometimes wondered if she was paying a salon to keep her from getting grey hairs.

Charlie came into the room with an exaggerated sigh. “Yes, ma’am.”

“You got mail on the table, sweetheart. From your school, Wheel-toon.” She said with a very hoarse voice, as if the cigarette in her fingers wasn’t enough to let you know she smoked. She didn’t even look up from the newspaper.

“It’s pronounced Welton, Ma.” He complained, before picking up the envelope from their marble dining table. He tore it open carelessly, assuming it was another reminder of his suspension. However, when he took out the paper inside and read “Dorm Exchange” in ridiculously bold font, he nearly screamed.

“Dorm exchange? What the fuck!” He exclaimed, scanning ferociously over the letter and ignoring his mother’s scolding over the fact of him cursing.

The letter wrote; “Dear Mr. Dalton, we hope this letter finds you in good health. Due to your recent suspension involving student Richard W. Cameron, we, the staff of Welton, in order to prevent further penalties in the future, solved the issue by exchanging him to another dorm on campus. Fret not, you will have a new roommate as soon as one is available. Thank you, and enjoy the rest of your week. We expect to see your return soon. Signed, G. Nolan"

He grinded his teeth together in anger, and without thinking, tore the paper right down the middle, crumpling both separate pieces in his fists.

Now, his mother looked up from the newspaper. “Charles Winfred! How dare you! What was the purpose of that?” Her voice always got so high when she asked things like that. She was always asking things like that.

“They changed my f–” He trailed off, catching himself from swearing again in-front of his mother. “They changed my roommate at the academy! We’ve been roomed together for two years by now!”

“That handsome boy with the- with the.. Oh, was it again?” She frowned, snapping her fingers to remember. Charlie cut her off to save himself some peace. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. This school is so stupid!” He wailed in anger, tossing the paper balls into their trash bin.

“Oh, love, we can always enroll you into a new one. How’s that one with those absolutely *gorgeous* hedges in the front?” She recommended and Charlie’s heart leapt in his throat. “NO!” He cleared his throat to his anxiously quick reply. “I mean, um, no. It’s okay, Ma.”

“Well, okay, honey.” She trailed off, eyes back on the newspaper. It’s like the conversation never even happened in the first place. Charlie was too exhausted to care.

He went back up their spiral staircase, and to his room, which was nothing like the rest of the house. Granted due to his father, he had to keep it neat, but it wasn’t white and shiny like the rest of the house. He shut his door, and sat on his bed rather aggressively. That’s when his thoughts started to eradicate his brain.

Who is his new roommate?

What if his roommate doesn’t like him?

How will his roommate know to make his coffee in the morning? Or that he likes the window cracked when he studies but only after 6pm? Or to remind him to stop chewing on his pens because they’ll explode ink in his mouth?

But worst of all was,

What if he likes his roommate?

What if his roommate is kind to him?

...
Little did Charlie know, Cameron was sitting in bed, and right across from him; Knox Overstreet.

He looked up from the floor to look at his friend. The floor was carpeted. Cameron hates carpets.

“Hey.” Knox said casually, putting out his cigarette.

“Hi.” Richard said awkwardly. “Sorry. About- about the change.” He mumbled, talking with his hands.

Overstreet just shrugged. “I don’t mind. Hey, I’m more quiet than Charlie, so that’s a plus, huh?” He laughed, and Cameron rubbed his hands up and down his upper thighs nervously. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess.”

“What’s the matter with you? You’re all..” He made some gestures with his hands. It honestly made Richard feel like he was calling him insane. The gesture; it was near his head, at the sides of his ears. He was waving his hands back and forth.

“I just..” He trailed off, sighing. “I don’t like change.”

“Hey! I’ll make it fun, don’t worry!” He sat up quickly, Richard internally face-palmed.

...

Chapter Text

....

He did not, in fact, make it fun. He made it worse, actually.

Cameron was used to competition. He was the number one scholar in this whole academy; he had to be used to competition. Well, when it comes to his ex-roommate, apparently there is a lot of competition.

Knox liked to complain. A lot. Almost more than Charlie would. Just within the first day, Cameron's new roommate had complained about Charlie being gone about 20 times.

“It’s so much quieter without Charlie. I miss him.”

“You think Charlie would like this shirt? I can’t ask him because he’s not here.”

“Charlie is probably so lonely without me– or us, to talk to.”

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.

Richard almost snapped at dinner that night. Charlie would be back in two days, and Knox was always reminding everyone.

“Maybe Charlie will come to my dorm more. You know, since Cam is in there now and he cheats off his notes.” Knox gave a cheeky smile, and Cameron gripped his fork under the table.

“I’m also his friend too, y’know.” He muttered under his breath.

“Huh?” Overstreet turned to him, their friends all sitting around the table.

“Nothing.” Richard replied, staring down at his food.

“Oh, okay. So, anyway, Charlie–” Knox began, and Cameron bent his metal fork backwards under the table, his eyes twitching in anger.

“God, Knox, If you miss him so much why don’t you give him a big kiss when he gets back? You seem really good at doing that.” Richard snapped, sitting up and setting his bent fork on the table in anger. All his friends looked around nervously, Cameron taking a deep breath. “Good night.” Was all he said before leaving the dining hall.

Knox looked at the others in confusion. “Someone’s upset…” He grumbled under his breath.

…

Cameron didn’t go to his and Knox’s room after dinner. He went to his old room. It was so empty, he almost started bawling. He walked over to Charlie’s bed, pressing his fingertips to the blankets with a frown. “Hey, Charlie.” He sort of spoke out loud, to someone who wasn’t there. “I’m sorry I yelled at Knox.” He apologized, sitting on the empty bed and looking at the wall.

“I know you’ve only been gone for a bit, but it’s hell. It really is.” He laughed through his nose a bit. “Truth is, I don’t like rooming with him.” He looked to the side, as if expecting to see Charlie’s face. “You’re so stupid. God, you’re so stupid.” He looked at the floor, hiding his face in his hands. “Why would you do that?" For a moment, he didn't know if he was saying that to himself or to 'Charlie'.

He sat there for a while, until he cooled down. Cameron made his way out the door, not saying goodbye. He didn’t need to anyway, there was no one there.

He walked into his new dorm, looking at Knox apologetically. “I’m sorry. For yelling at you.”

“It’s cool.” Knox shrugged. “Hey, can I tell you something?” He sort of whispered now, and Cameron sat next to him on his bed. “Go ahead.” He mumbled, remembering when Overtreet had comforted him before. It’s only right to return the favor.

“I like Charlie. Like, a lot.” He whispered, giving Cameron a small smile. “I guess that’s why I’ve been talking about him all the time. I think I might try to ask him.. After he gets back.”

Cameron felt his ears ringing again, staring at Knox. His mouth hurt when he smiled back at him. “You should.” He placed a light hand on his shoulder. “I think it’ll go well.”

Knox’s eyes lit up. “Really? You think so?”

“Of course. What do you like about him?” Cameron said, voice gentle and quiet. God, his chest was suffocating him.

“I like his hair. He never gets tired of talking. He dresses differently from everyone else. He’s not too great at school, so we’ll have something in common. And he’s got awesome humor.” Knox chuckled. “He makes a room feel full when he’s there, y’know what I mean?”

'You missed his heart', Cameron thought, but smiled anyway. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“Hey, um, thank you. For being so supportive.” Knox smiled brighter. “I’m so excited!”

Richard looked at him, remaining the forced, small smile. “I’m happy for you, man.”

—

That whole night remained with Knox rambling about all the lovely, boring things he had planned for when Charlie says yes. 'When.' How hilarious is that? Cameron sure thought it was hilarious. He thought it was so funny, that when Knox had finally fallen asleep, he giggled. He stared pointlessly at the ceiling, and laughed.

His eyes burnt horribly, so he sat up. He brought a hand to his forehead, cheekbones aching from the smile on his face. 'I’m insane. I really am.'

He pressed his palms into his eyes, biting down on his lips. The cut had long gone since then, but it wouldn’t matter if it didn’t now. He’d made a new one in the same damn spot.

Cameron watched his tears drop onto the blanket, giggling a bit under his breath. 'God, what am I doing?'

He turned his head quickly to Knox’s side of the room, hearing his weight shift a bit. Then, he had a thought. A pretty crazy one.

He sniffled, wiping away his tears before he stood up. It took only a few steps before he stood next to Overstreet, who was sound asleep. He thought about strangling him under a pillow and going to bed like nothing happened; but Cameron would never do that. He sort of scared himself by even thinking about it in the first place. With a shaky hand, shook Knox’s shoulder until he woke up.

“What the hell…” Knox said groggily. “Oh, hey, Cam. What’s up?” His eyes weren’t even open.

Cameron smiled a bit more, but tears blurred his vision. “Hey. Could you do me a favor?”

Knox must’ve heard his voice waver, for he actually opened his eyes. “Of course, hey, yeah I can. What’s wrong?”

Cameron felt his lips quiver, and suddenly he couldn’t speak. God, he was so lonesome all of a sudden. “Knox, I…”

“Hey, hey.” Knox sat up, honestly a bit scared. “Come here, hey.”

Richard swallowed, taking a deep breath. His hand was still on Knox’s shoulder. “Can you.. Can you just let Charlie know...” He sort of had to stop to sniffle. “Can you let Charlie know I missed him? When you see him? Can you do that?”

Overstreet nodded almost immediately. “Yeah sure. Sure I can.”

Cameron gave him a pained smile. “I just didn’t want him to… think I forgot about him.”

Knox smiled back at him. He was too tired to notice that it wasn’t one of happiness. “I’m sure he didn’t forget you either, Cameron. Come on, you should get some sleep. Come on.”

“Yeah. G’night.” Richard mumbled, walking slowly back to his bed. He felt so light. Did he even eat dinner? He was so damn lonesome for some reason.

Cameron climbed into bed, exhaustion from all the stress finally consuming him as he fell asleep.

—

Chapter Text

...

Charlie will be back to Welton tomorrow. Cameron couldn’t wait. Until he remembered what that meant. Him and Dalton weren’t even friends. Were they? Charlie and Knox certainly were. God, did Richard hate it.

He made it through classes, barely. He was so exhausted, he could barely keep his focus. That’s a first. Of course Mr. Keating was the one to say something about it.

“Mr. Cameron, would you stay here for a minute?” He asked as the bell rang. Cameron almost smashed his head into his desk until he couldn’t see anything anymore. Of course, he didn’t. But it was a thought, nonetheless.

Mr. Keating approached his desk, but he didn’t say a word.

Richard felt a familiar ping in his chest, and quickly grew uncomfortable. “Sir?” His voice was hoarse. 'Not again, not again, not again.'

“What’s bothering you, son?” Keating asked naturally, placing a palm over Cameron’s work to keep the student from distracting himself. “This is unusual behavior coming from you.” He added, but not harshly. He was more worried than anything.

“I’m fine, sir. Thank you, though.” He mumbled, reaching for his books.

The teacher stopped him.”Please, Call me Keating, buddy.”

“Yes, sir — Keating. Sorry.” He swallowed. God, he was so nervous.

“So, what’s the matter?” Keating asked again, reaching to put a hand on his shoulder, but Cameron pulled away quickly.

“Don’t.” He said, a bit frightened.

Keating moved his hands away, putting them behind his back. “Your word, chief.” He nodded.

Richard licked his chapped lips, looking around the empty room. 'How do I say this?' “What if, hypothetically speaking, someone wanted something… and you want it too. But you think they deserve it more. But, it still makes you upset because you don’t have it.” 'God, I am such an idiot. What am I saying?'

Keating only smiled. “How does this person deserve this? What proves this point you’re making, Cameron?”

Richard bit the inside of his cheek. “Well, they’ve had it longer. I’ve had trouble getting what they want. And.. I think they could get it much easier than I could.”

Mr. Keating sighed, lost in thought before he spoke again. “This is an object?”

“Not quite, sir — Keating. It’s not something I can really go about flaunting.” Cameron replied. 'You’re letting your guard down.' He began sweating, watching Keating anxiously.

“Hm. Maybe try to appreciate the things you have now, Cameron. Before you know it, it'll be gone. Another thing you could do, however, is try to work yourself up to get what this person wants as well. If it’s making you this worked up, you should try to achieve it.” Keating spoke, and Richard tried to listen. “You show magnificent potential, kid. True, true, potential. Don’t let things beat you down like this. You’re just as deserving to whatever it is you’re yearning for as your friend is. But, yearning is a dangerous activity. Don’t let it linger for too long, my boy. Seize the day, remember that.”

Cameron looked at his eyes, frowning and looking away. He suddenly wanted to say a lot. But he couldn't. “Thank you.”

Mr. Keating smiled cheerfully. “Anytime. My door is always open.”

Richard felt like he was drowning, surrounded by things he desperately wanted to say. “Mr. Keating—” he forced out, sounding a bit panicked. “How come when you tell someone not to do something, they do it anyhow? I mean, why do they do that? Do you know?” 'Why doesn’t he listen, Keating? Why can’t he hear me? Why?'

Keating studied his expression before answering. “Some people believe what they're doing is right, or it’s for the better. Some people just don’t listen for the hell of it.”

*Why does he keep touching me, Keating? Why won’t you answer, can’t you hear me?* Richard’s thoughts kept screaming, and he felt his eyes burn again. Taking in a shaky breath, he stammered, “I’m late. I-I should– I’m-” He took a gasp of air, standing up quickly. “I’m sorry—”

“Cameron, son, you’re trembling, please.” Keating said clearly, gesturing back to the desk.

“No, no. No. I’m fine.” Cameron insisted, scrambling to grab his books. “Thank you, a-again. Good day.” He said in a rushed voice, and left before Mr. Keating could object.

…

If his parents witnessed any of what just happened about 20 minutes ago, Cameron would be a dead man. He’s never sputtered so much to an authority. Has he lost his mind? His poor parents; they’d be so disappointed. He’d been worrying his ass off over it, and he missed the entirety of lunch because of it. Not to mention crying as well. When had he gotten so weak?

Maybe this was Charlie’s fault. For being so damn confusing. Or maybe it was the priest’s fault. For getting too close, too many times. Maybe it was his parents’ fault, for expecting so much. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe, it was his fault.

Knox soon came in, looking as tired as ever. “God, these exams are killin’ me. And lunch was lousy. You’re lucky you didn’t come.” He chuckled, but Cameron just shrugged. He was sitting in his bed, staring at the wall.

“Man, you look exhausted..” Knox admitted, on accident, then plopped himself down into his own mattress.

“Need to study.” Cameron replied bluntly, as if robotic, and got up to sit at the desk.

“Okay. Good talk.” Overstreet said awkwardly, biting the inside of his cheek.

The room went silent, the only sound being Cameron’s pencil scratching against his chemistry textbook and Knox occasionally shifting in his bed.

“Hey, Cam. What did Keating want you for? At the end of english.” Overstreet suddenly asked, breaking the atmosphere.

“To talk t’me.” Cameron shrugged, not looking up from his studies.

“What about?”

Richard sighed. “Stuff.”

“No shit, Sherlock. What kind of stuff.”

“Personal stuff.” Cameron said testily, pausing on the question he was about to answer in his textbook.

Knox nodded his head to him. “Why? You unstable?”

Cameron gripped his pen. “Knox, please, drop it.”

Overstreet put his hands up in surrender, dropping them down at his sides loudly. Richard rolled his eyes, going back to his studies. For a moment, he tried to pretend he was with Charlie; instead of Knox. Sure, he was annoyed, but it never mattered if it was Charlie who was annoying him. He felt comfortable for a bit, slowly closing his book.

He leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes. Knox was bouncing his leg, a habit most boys at Welton had, and it was making his mattress squeak.

“Charlie, can you stop making that noise?” Cameron asked without thinking.

“I’m not Charlie.” Knox said, but still stopped bouncing his leg.

Richard’s face flushed red of embarrassment as he opened his eyes. “Right. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I mean, it’s understandable. He was your roommate for how long?”

“Two years.” Cameron answered, smiling a bit to himself.

Knox laughed. “You must be relieved to not have to room with him anymore.”

Richard’s smile left at the memory of his and Charlie’s non-friendship. It almost feels unreal at times. Then again, everything had felt unreal for Cameron recently. “Yeah.” He replied flatly after realizing he’d been silent for too long.

Richard spent the rest of that night studying for classes he’d regrettably fallen back on. “Fallen back” was only a lesson or two, but it meant the world to him. Eventually, though, he went to bed.

—

Chapter Text

—

Charlie closed the back door of the car, stretching from the ride back to Welton. He breathed in the familiar air, waving his parents goodbye.

He wasted no time entering the building, greeting familiar students as he made his way upstairs to their dorm chambers.

He bursted into his dorm, but soon his shoulders dropped.

Oh. Right. Cameron wasn’t here anymore.

He had no idea what room he was moved to either. That was fine! He could go see Neil. Yeah! Good idea!

He smiled again, dropping his suitcase off and walking across the hall to Neil and Anderson’s room. He swung the door open. “Honey, I’m home!” He sing-songed loudly in the room, and Neil beamed a bright smile and clapped Charlie on the back. “Hey, C-money! Welcome back!”

“Please, I wouldn’t want to come back if it weren’t for you guys.” Charlie laughed.

“How on brand.” Neil grinned. “Cigarette?” He offered, but Charlie turned it down with a smile.

“No thanks, I have business to attend to. Say, do you know what room they moved Richie to?”

Neil looked at him, surprised they hadn’t told him. “You don’t know?” Charlie shook his head.

“He’s with Knox now, Charlie.”

Oh.

“Oh, that’s weird.” Charlie mumbled, then cleared his throat. “I’m going to go bother him some. Bye, Neil!” He called, but before Neil could respond, he was already gone.

–

Charlie entered Knox’s dorm. Cameron’s things were in the room, but he wasn’t to be seen. Knox was though.

“Charlie!” He happily shouted, jumping up and rushing to squeeze him in a hug. “Hey, Knoxious.” He grinned, ruffling up Overstreet’s hair. “Where’s the ginger?”

Knox shrugged it off. “I think he’s studying in the library. He’s been such a creep recently.”

“Oh?” Charlie laughed, though he felt an anxiety rise in his chest. “How so? Besides the usual?” Charlie helped himself to the foot of Knox’s bed.

Overstreet pushed back his cuticles as he began explaining. “I don’t know. He barely talks anymore. He was sort of crying the other night, but don’t tell him I told you.”

Dalton knitted his brows a bit. “Crying? Well, what for?”

“I haven’t got a damn clue. Him and Keating talked yesterday about–” Knox held up quotation marks with his hands, “‘personal’ stuff."

Charlie swallowed. “Did he tell you what they talked about?” He sounded a bit too caring; too concerned.

“He wouldn’t say. It’s whatever.” Knox shrugged, thinking for a bit. “Uh, hey, Charlie?” He sounded nervous all of a sudden, which confused Dalton.

“Yeah?”

“I have to tell you something.”

…

…

Cameron finally managed to get up the stairs, thank God. He felt like he’d just got off of a carousel with the way everything was spinning. He wasn’t sure how other students got away with this, he felt scared out of his mind.

'Just a few more steps and you’ll get to your room,' his conscience told him, and he forced his feet to walk one in front of the other. Walking felt surprisingly nice, and for a while he wouldn’t mind if he spent the rest of his life walking down the halls. But, his room came up faster than he thought.

Richard felt terrified now. He was so damn paranoid, he almost walked to Neil’s room. He didn’t, though. He reached forward with a wobbly hand and slipped the doorknob to open the door. He looked up from his feet, squinting at the boys in the room.

They’re holding hands.

They’re holding fucking hands.

“Hey, guys.” Richard smiled, shutting the door.

The two of them lifted their heads in unison and looked at Cameron. “Oh, hi, Cam.” Knox gave a sideways smile.

“Hey, Dicky.” Charlie smirked, immediately putting on his antagonizing-richard-cameron act. Cameron only leaned against the door. His bed looked like it was miles away.

“Oh, so I don’t get a grand welcome home?” Dalton joked to Cameron. The red-head turned his head sluggishly to Charlie’s direction. “Oh. Welcome back, Dalton.” He sounded sort of funny, in Charlie’s opinion.

“Are you feeling alright, man?” Knox spoke up, noticing the redness flushed over Richard’s face.

“Pssh. Yeah, ‘m fine.” Cameron shrugged, smiling.

Cameron sank down in front of the door and sat on the floor. “Why do you have carpet, Knox.” He asked randomly.

Knox looked at him, confused as hell. “I don’t know. That’s how the dorm was made.”

“I hate carpets.” Richard mumbled, his words were all dragged together like his tongue wasn’t functioning properly to sound them correctly. The ground almost felt like it was pulling him under, and he believed it for a minute. God, his heart was racing.

“Cameron.” Charlie suddenly spoke up, startling him a bit. “What’s the matter?” Dalton stood up and approached the boy on the floor, kneeling down to try and grab his arm to pull him up.

“Nothing’s the matter, get your hands offa me…” Cameron complained, weakly pulling his arm away. His limbs felt like they were vibrating, but also limp at the same time.

Now, due to their close proximity, Charlie smelt it. “Richard Cameron, have you been drinking?”

Cameron frowned. “No, I did not.”

Knox stood up soon. “I didn’t want to say it, but I thought the same thing.”

“Guys.” Richard whined, Charlie letting go of his arm.

“Should I go get somebody?” Knox suggested, but Charlie shut him down. “No. Don’t. You know how much trouble he’d be in?”

“I’m in trouble?” Cameron asked, sounding a bit nervous.

“No, no, you’re not. Don’t worry about it.” Charlie assured him.

Knox wouldn’t describe himself as jealous, but he was a bit envious about Charlie’s sudden attention on Cameron. They had just gotten together after all, so wasn’t this meant to be their moment?

“Oh. Okay.” Richard mumbled, dipping his head back against the wall.

“What do we do then?” Overstreet asked, impatiently shifting from side to side.

Charlie didn’t answer. He sort of didn’t hear him, so it wasn’t exactly on purpose. He managed to lift Cameron up, with a few drunken complaints.

“Charlie.” Knox said a bit louder.

“What!? God, Knox, could you give me a minute? Could you?” Dalton asked, letting go of Richard for a moment. Knox sort of kept quiet, looking down at the floor.

“It’s so bright in here.” Cameron said, rubbing his forehead. “I really fucking hate this carpet.”

“It’s okay, Cameron, you’re just drunk.” Charlie mumbled, rubbing his shoulder.

“No, it’s not just that! I really hate it.” Richard complained, he sort of sounded like he was going to cry. “You don’t understand.”

“Jesus Christ…” Knox mumbled, pinching his nose bridge.

Charlie bit his cheek, thinking. He wasn’t expecting this on his first day back. “What the hell happened anyways? I mean, how did *this* happen.”

Cameron groaned, dropping his arms at his sides. “I dunno. I was in the library. Stick and Hopkins offered, and.. Psshh… I dunno.”

“You took the offer?” Knox finished.

“No, Knoxious, he’s completely sober right now.” said Dalton sarcastically, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

“Listen, you can save that attitude for Cameron.” Knox said, crossing his arms.

“Knox, please. There is way too much going on right now. Can you just.. Give me a minute to breathe?” Charlie requested, and Knox sort of frowned. “Yeah.. sure.” He mumbled, then headed towards the door and left, shutting it behind him.

“Jesus, your relationship seems to be going real great, Dalton.” Richard giggled, pressing his palms into his eyes.

Charlie knitted his brows, looking at Richard. “What? How do you know about th….”

“You’re so funny, Charlie.” He said, though it sounded painful if anything. “Knox was telling me all about how he was going to ask you when he got back. God, he wouldn’t stop talking about you, it drove me crazy.” He laughed, putting a hand on Dalton’s shoulder. “The best part though, is that I told him that he should.. I told him to do it.” He sniffled, pushing his body weight against him.

Charlie lifted him up a bit by his shoulders. “Cameron… Did anything else happen while I was gone? You didn’t do anything else like this, did you?” He was referring to the alcohol. Richard grunted.

“Oh, God, no. I sort of forgot you were coming back today.” Cameron thought for a moment, the best he could at least. “No, that’s a lie.”

Charlie sort of frowned. “Come on, you should lay down.”

“Ha! This is the longest you’ve gone without being a complete ass to me.” Cameron said as Charlie walked him to his bed. It was sort of weird laying him down in Knox’s room.

Richard felt his heart jump, and for a moment he thought he fainted. Or maybe he did? He couldn’t tell, but he was laying down now. Everything was still very dizzy. “Charlie?” He mumbled, looking up. Charlie stood next to the bed, pulling a blanket up to Cameron’s shoulders. He sighed, looking at Cameron’s hazy green eyes. “What?” He seemed tired, to tell you the truth.

“How long is it going to last?” Cameron asked him, his voice shaking all of a sudden.
'How long is Knox going to stay on your leash? When will it be my turn?'

“It’ll go away when you wake up, don’t worry. I should know.” He gave a smirk, but Cameron felt his eyes fill with tears.

He’ll let Charlie believe that he was talking about the alcohol, if that meant keeping his thoughts concealed.

—

Chapter Text

...

Charlie stepped out of the dorm, shutting the door. Knox was sitting on the ground next to the door.

“What’s the matter?” Charlie asked, Knox standing up. “Nothing. Just…”

“I mean, Christ, Knoxious, I just got here and there’s so much going on.” He forced out a laugh.

“I know that. That’s why I was upset with that shit with Cameron.” Knox mumbled.

“What d’you mean?” Charlie asked, furrowing his brows in confusion.

“Us, y’know, being a thing. It was supposed to be nice. But, then all that shit happened, and it.. Wasn’t nice anymore."

Charlie sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Yeah, I get it. Sorry, I guess.”

“It’s not your fault. Cameron’s just being a freak. Nothing too unusual though, huh?” Knox chuckled, nudging Charlie with his elbow.

Dalton felt angry all of a sudden. Maybe he was just so goddamn exhausted, he didn’t know how he felt. “Yeah. Sure.”

—

The next morning, Cameron’s head was in so much pain, he thought his skull was splitting in half. He rubbed his eyes, turning to his side. He expected to see only Knox, but to his surprise, Charlie was there as well. They were sharing a cigarette and talking on Knox’s mattress. Cameron almost wished he’d never woken up.

“Oh. Goodmorning, Cameron.” Knox soon said once he noticed the red-head’s eyes were open.

“Morning.” He grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“How’s your head feeling?” Charlie asked, grinning. Cameron groaned. “Fuck off.”

Charlie chuckled, taking a drag off the cigarette. “We’ve better get dressed soon. It’s Sunday.”

Richard pressed his palms into his eyes until he was seeing stars, begging for some sort of force to kill him at that moment.

Charlie stood up. “Alright. See you guys at the assembly hall.” He turned to the door and Knox stood up.

“Wait—” Knox said, Cameron opening his eyes again.

Charlie turned around. Then, they kissed.

-

The poets walked in a group down the assembly hall, each of them finding a seat. Thank god for Todd Anderson and Neil Perry, because those two sat in between Cameron and Charlie. Charlie, naturally, sat next to Knox and Cameron might’ve lost his mind if he had to listen to them whisper to each other the whole time.

Cameron and the others lifted their heads at the ring that came from the microphone. The priest stood at the podium and began talking. “James 3:16, ‘For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.’ Envy can not be excused for better judgment, for the Lord can see right through each of us.”

Every word sunk into Cameron’s veins. The serpent had already gone, but not before poisoning him.

'They can see your envy, Richard.....'

-

Richard sort of zoned out most of the practice; his head was killing him. It's not like he planned on drinking yesterday. It was offered by his classmates. He wouldn't want to be some sort of let down, just hanging around. So, he took it. And, God, it was so horrible. Not only did it burn rolling down his throat, but the effects after were what got him. Not to mention, he just felt so miserable the whole time. Cameron doesn't remember a time he's been so in tune with his thoughts.

"Cameron?" Neil soon whispered, nudging his shoulder.

Richard blinked, turning his head to look at him. "What?"

"Are you okay? I've been wanting to ask. Charlie said you did some stuff last night... but don't tell him I told you that." Neil smiled, and Cameron bit his tongue.

"I'm fine. Everyone else does it here." Neil raised a brow curiously.

"Does what?"

"Drink." Richard looked around anxiously, then up at the priest. He could've sworn he was looking directly at him as he spoke.

"Alcohol?" Neil whispered, eyes a bit wider than before. Cameron shrugged subtly in response.

"Oh.." Neil mumbled, trying to think of what to say. Cameron just scoffed, mocking his 'Oh'.

"Well, I'm glad you're okay." He finally said, smiling.

'No you're not. You just feel sorry...' Richard gave a polite smile. "Yeah. Thanks, I guess."

Soon, people began standing up; the symbol that the practice had ended. The poets remained seated, talking with each other at regular volumes now that they were able to. The priest, coming down from the podium, began walking down the isles. Richard bit at his lip anxiously, trying to focus on his friends' conversations.

Of course, distractions are only distractions. Eventually, you'll have to address the problem.

"Mr. Cameron! Dear me, it's been a while since you've come to help with preparation. I had to organize this by myself, you know." The priest soon said, and Cameron nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Sorry, father—" Cameron began.

Charlie turned his head to listen to them while Knox kept talking.

"Oh, no, It's perfectly fine! It's just difficult, with my age, it'd be difficult to bend over." He laughed heartily, Richard shifted awkwardly in his seat.

Charlie squinted at the priest, looking so angry all of a sudden.

"Char? Hey, Char? Are you listening to me?" Knox asked, Charlie just waved his hand. "Yeah, yeah..."

The priest continued talking, placing a hand on Cameron's shoulder. Richard's face ran pale, fidgeting with the fabric of his pants.

"Hey, Cameron! Come sit with us, I got to tell you this crazy story—Come on." Charlie soon called out loudly over everyone's talking.

Cameron lifted his head quickly. "Hm? Oh— Sure. Yeah.." He looked at the priest, apologizing quickly before climbing over Neil and Todd's legs to sit next to Charlie.

Dalton watched as the priest walked away, then carefully leaned into Cameron. "Everything okay now?"

Richard swallowed, shrugging. "Thank you."

Charlie smirked, turning back to Knox, who looked a bit upset. It was shrugged off though when Charlie started to pay attention again.

....

Chapter Text

-

If you asked Knox Overstreet if he loved Charles Dalton; he would say “Yes, of course.”, in a heartbeat.

Now, if you asked Knox Overstreet this same question around a month later, after visiting the *Danburry’s* house; he wouldn’t be able to give you an answer.

He was a bit ashamed, but God, it was hard for him to feel anything with how stunned this girl had him.

Chris Noel. She was the girlfriend of Mr. and Mrs. Danburry's son; Chet Danburry. My, oh my, she was lovely. Her eyes were such a light shade of blue, her hair looked like it was made purely out of silk. Her smile looked like it was created by Heaven itself. Of course Chet loved her, and of course, Chris loved Chet.

Chet wasn’t anything special; mild muscles, dark hair, average jockey attitude. The perfect asshole of a guy for a girl to run to.

Knox was nearly heartbroken when he watched them walk out of the Danburry’s house with car keys swinging high in the air. The fucked up thing? He’s dating Charlie. He was so excited just to *ask* Charlie to be his boyfriend in the beginning; where’d the time go?

I mean, to tell you the truth, it’s not entirely Knox’s fault for losing feelings. Charlie is a very complex person, relationship wise. Overstreet wasn’t exactly prepared for the teasing in public, the insults driven by ‘affection’, his high sex drive (even though Charlie doesn’t enjoy being physically affectionate in a non-sexual manner, which didn’t quite make sense to Knox). Not to mention, how bad can someone possibly be at communication? Charlie must hold an award for that.

So, because of these flaws, *and* his sudden attraction to another… he started growing distant with Charlie. Dalton noticed something was off after the first three instances, and it was fucking with him, even if he didn’t like to admit it. So, he decided to do something that would cheer him up; bother Cameron.

-

“Charlie, I’m beginning to wish you never came back from your suspension.” Cameron said sarcastically, taking a drag off of a cigarette as he studied his history. To be honest, Cameron was enjoying the time Charlie had decided to spend with him. Not that he missed it, that would be gay. Cameron isn’t gay, remember?

“You know you don’t mean that, ginger boy.” Charlie grinned, messing up Richard’s hair, to which he groaned as he set his pencil down. He held his cigarette with his teeth as he reached his hands up to fix his curls.

Charlie smiled dumbly, and for a moment almost forgot about Knox’s recent actions. Cameron looked really badass with a cigarette in his mouth. But he wouldn’t give Richard the pleasure of hearing that take.

“You’re so annoying.” Cameron lamely replied, taking the cigarette from his mouth and breathing out the smoke.

“Yeah? Well, your flannel is repulsing. Is it your dad’s or something?” Charlie giggled, and Cameron rolled his eyes, about to retort, but the door opened before his mouth could. In the doorway stood Knox Overstreet, brushing his fingers through his hair as he turned to his closet and combed through his shirts.

“Hey, Knox” Charlie said hopefully, ignoring the fact that Knox hadn’t said hello to him.

“Hey, man.” Knox said, not looking at him.

Cameron blew smoke out his nostrils before putting his cigarette out on his desk. He put the butt end into the trash bin, then used hand sanitizer to clean off the ash smudge. He glanced at Charlie, who looked rather disappointed. He turned around in his chair to look at the back of Knox’s head. “What’ve you been up to?”

“Me? Hm, just… Knox shrugged. “Been working on poetry.”

Cameron breathed a laugh through his nose, looking at Charlie.

He sort of had a tight smile on his face. “Cool, cool. What’s your poem about, darling?”

Knox swallowed, itching at his hand nervously. “Feelings. I gotta go. Love you.”

Then, he was gone. He didn’t even actually grab a shirt.

“Jeez.” Cameron breathed out, bouncing his leg under his desk.

“He’s pissing me off, Cammy.” Charlie admitted suddenly, resting an elbow against Cameron’s desk.

Richard looked in his eyes, and for a moment, for some *odd* reason, he felt hopeful. “Yeah?”

Charlie looked back at him, a softness in his tone. “Yeah.”

They each exchanged a small laugh, alone together. Only, they weren’t really alone. Knox was glancing through the crack of the just slightly closed door. He felt anger, resentment. Cameron shouldn’t be getting Charlie’s attention. Charlie should be chasing after *Knox*. Well, that’s at least what Overstreet thought.

That's when he decided...

He needed to have a little chat with Richard.

...

Chapter Text

I just wanna say thank you so much to my friend Atlas (dead_poet_atlas on ao3, GO CHECK THEM OUT!) for helping with this chapter! :3 huge huge credits to them for this

-

Knox was laying on his mattress one evening. Cameron and Charlie had only been talking more since that one night. Knox has had enough.

“Hey, Cameron?”

Cameron lifted his pencil from his textbook. “Yeah, what’s up?”

“I have something to ask you.” Knox said, and just by his tone Cameron was already feeling uneasy. “Um. Okay, shoot.”

Knox sat up, staring at the back of Cameron’s head. “What do you think of Charlie? I mean.. *really* think.”

Richard bit his tongue, answering another quick question in his book. “He’s okay. He’s mean sometimes, but that’s just how he is with me. We don’t really clash.”

“Cameron. You like him, don’t you?” Knox said soon.

This time, Cameron lifted his head from his papers. He didn’t respond. He couldn’t.

Knox didn’t look away. “Yes? Or No.”

Cameron gave a nervous laugh. “I can’t like him, he’s your boyfriend—”

“Don’t lie to me, Cameron. Jesus.” Knox sighed, and Cameron bit his lip.

“Okay, fine. But it’s not like I’m swooning, so don’t think I’m going to take him from you. He wouldn’t want me anyways.”

Overstreet smiled a bit. This was it, his chance to get revenge. “Yeah, you don’t really fit what he likes. And he likes *a lot*.” His voice grew lower at the end, grinning.

Cameron turned around to look at him now. “What are you talking about?”

“Y’know… what he *likes*. In bed.”

Richard shivered, waving him away. “I don’t need to hear about your boyfriend’s turn ons.” (Clearly, the warmth in his cheeks told him otherwise, but it’s not like Knox could feel it.)

“Really? Not even the fact that…” And before Cameron knew it, Knox began diving into detail about everything Charlie was into, sexually. It wasn’t just light detail either, and Cameron found himself growing uncomfortable at this break of boundary.

“Knox, can you please stop talking about th—”

“Why not? I thought you *liked* him.” Knox crossed his arms, staring at him.

“I just don’t think it’s necessary for—”

“I haven’t even told you about….” Knox began again.

Richard frowned, covering his ears. There was too much going on in his life to bother with this. Not to mention, sex only made him think of that damn priest.

“I’m gonna go study in the library.” He soon said, cutting Knox off and grabbing his textbooks.

Knox nodded. “Oh. Okay, man. See you tonight, yeah?” He said, sounding so casual.

Cameron didn’t respond, leaving the dorm room and heading down the stairs to the library. When he entered, he saw Neil, Meeks, Pitts, Todd.. and Charlie each sat at a study table.

Charlie turned his head to the doors, seeing Cameron. He flashed his signature smile, but Richard immediately looked away and went towards the bookshelves. Dalton knit his brows in confusion, pressing his tongue to his cheek. “Hey, Puck Boy, I’ll… be right back…” He trailed off before Neil could respond. Neil was too busy reading his script to respond anyways.

Charlie found Cameron sat alone in one of the corners of the library, shielded off from the rest of the room. “Studying all by yourself, huh?” He smirked.

Richard went pale. He couldn’t look at Charlie; not after what he was told. “Yeah. Alone, Dalton.”

“What for? Lookin’ at porn in your chemistry book?” He joked to try and lighten the mood, but Cameron *really* wasn’t in the mood for his crude jokes.

“Come on, Richie, what’s the problem?” Charlie moved to sit next to him.

“I don’t have a problem.” He replied, scooching himself away from Charlie.

Dalton furrowed his brows, forcing Richard’s textbook shut. “Talk.”

“Charlie, please…” Cameron whispered, looking away.

Dalton placed a hand on his shoulder, shaking him lightly. “Richard Cameron, *tell* me. I’ll find out either way, come on!”

“Don’t yell, this is a library!” Cameron whisper-shouted, turning to look at him.

“Well, tell me what’s wrong then, asshole.” He furrowed his brows.

Richard groaned, holding his head in his hands. “Knox was being really weird.”

Dalton squinted, tilting his head. “What? How?”

Richard moved his hands, opening his book again with a shake of his head. “Charlie, I need to study..” He mumbled, but Charlie forced his head to look at him.

“That can wait. What’d he do?” Charlie searched Cameron’s eyes for an answer.

“He was just…” Richard began, spinning his pen between his fingers and trying to ignore Charlie’s hand on his cheek. “He was talking about you. Telling me things I have no business hearing.”

Charlie pulled away, unfortunately for Cameron. “Like what?” He furrowed his brows, seeming to grow a bit angry. That’s when Cameron panicked.

“Just– Just things… you.. Uhh.. You know..” He swallowed, glancing at the carpet. “Things you’re into.”

“Romantically?” Charlie asked, chuckling nervously to calm down. But there wasn’t any calming down after the word “sexually” left Cameron’s mouth.

“You mean he told you—” He sputtered, furrowing his brows. “That's not only a breach of your boundaries, that’s my privacy.” Charlie said, clenching his fists.

“I don’t want to get in between you two.” Richard mumbled, biting at his lip.

“Well, you are, but that’s not really a bad thing.” Charlie insisted, standing up. “I’ve been needing to talk to him anyways.”

Then, Cameron watched him walk away. He sort of wished he’d stay a bit longer; as awkward as it was looking at him now, knowing all his bedroom secrets.

-

Charlie entered Knox’s dorm, shutting the door slowly behind him. “Hey.”

Knox looked up from his book. “Oh, hi.”

“Listen, I need to talk to you.” Dalton said, trying to keep things calm.

Knox closed his book hesitantly, sitting up. “Alright, uh.. What about?”

Charlie sighed. “What’s up with the shit you were telling Cameron?”

“Oh, Jesus Christ.” Knox rolled his eyes, sighing. “He told you about that, huh?”

“Of course he did, Knox! That’s not right, you can’t just do that, alright? You made him uncomfortable, *also*, not to mention—”

“God, Charlie, I don’t see why you mind so much! I mean, seriously, when he first came to Welton, you walked all over him! You were always ripping on him, and now it’s like that never even happened!” Knox said, furrowing his brows. “It’s like you’re in *love* with him or something, man. Do you even love *me*?”

Dalton scoffed. “Well, if you let me *speak*, you’d understand why I care so much–”

“Why? So you can tell me how, oh, so in love you are with him? Then what? What do *I* do then?”

“*Knox*!! Jesus, fuck. Forget about *Cameron*, and listen to me! That’s my privacy, you bastard. You can’t go sharing those things with people!” Charlie shouted, talking with his hands. Then, he pointed at him. “And *don’t* you dare trying making *me* look like the guilty one, you broke my trust in you, asshole.”

Knox crossed his arms. “You can’t trust me enough to tell me you don’t love me anymore?”

Charlie threw his hands up. “That’s it. You *never* listen to anything I say, it goes straight through one ear and out the other. I’m so fed up with your shit, Knox.”

“So, you’re leaving me?” Overstreet asked, sounding offended.

“I mean, there isn’t a point in staying, is there? Besides, Knox, I've been meaning to ask you if you even love *me* anymore, really. You’re always pulling away, you always have ‘somewhere to be’. Is there someone else that you’re not telling me about?” Charlie asked, looking at Knox for an answer. All he received was a look of guilt.

“That’s just what I thought. Look, we’re *done*. There’s no way around it.”

Knox looked at the carpet, sort of frowning. “Alright. Cool. See you at dinner.”

Charlie’s only reply was the slamming of the room’s door after he left.

...

Chapter Text

—

The poets all got seated in unison at the table after they said grace. Dinner was regular, soggy meat and half frozen vegetables.

Cameron sat next to Neil, while Knox sat across from him. Next to Neil was Todd, then adjacent to Todd was Charlie. Neil chatted with Meeks , Pitts and occasionally the whole table about his ideas on difference approaches for his character, Puck.

Cameron seldom spoke during the meal, just politely observing like usual. Soon conversation died down, and it was quiet for a while. Until Knox nudged Cameron with his foot under the table.

"Hey, Cam, how do you feel about girls?" Knox soon asked, the other boys lifting their heads and glancing at Cameron. Meeks giggled slightly, all of the boys suddenly realizing how little Cameron spoke about romance. Unless it was the romantics of trigonometry and the angles of a triangle.

Richard however, stiffened in discomfort. Knox *knew* how he felt about it. He knew what Overstreet implied when he asked this. Though, Cameron just shrugged. "I mean, how we all should feel about women." He gave a nervous laugh through his nose.

Knox raised a brow. "And what is that exactly?"

Cameron furrowed his brows suspiciously. "Respectfully...?"

Charlie glanced between the two boys, the anger from his break up moments before still simmering inside of him.

"Right, right. I mean, like, how do you feel about like *kissing* a girl?" Knox continued, slightly kicking Cameron under the table.

"I don't think that's appropriate to talk about at the dinner table—"

"No, no, I insist, I wanna know your opinion. I mean, we hardly ever hear your romantic views. Right, boys?" Knox looked at others; earning some nods and a few shrugs.

Charlie just narrowed his eyes at him. "I don't really care what Cameron whacks off to."

Knox rolled his eyes bitterly, turning back to Cameron. "*Well*?"

"I don't know what you're *expecting*, but I like girls just as much as the next guy." Cameron said stiffly.

Knox laughed through his nostrils. "Really? That's shocking coming from you... Y'know, with what you told me earlier today— what was it again?"

Cameron felt a fucking spike straight through his heart, and for a second he felt like he might've fainted. "Knox, drop it."

"Drop what? I'm just saying, it's a little weird that you say that—-"

"Shut the fuck up, you piece of shit." Charlie cut him off. As curious as he was to know what Cameron and Knox were talking about, he could very easily tell the discomfort of the situation.

All eyes turned to Charlie now. Dalton scoffed, rolling his eyes as he excused himself from the table.

Richard watched him walk away, then groaned. "I'll go talk to him. Fucking bastard." He mumbled, trying to keep his "hating-charlie-dalton" act up, before leaving the table as well.

---

-

Cameron stepped into their dorm, shutting the door behind him slowly. The door clicked shut, causing Charlie to turn around.

“You’re pacing.” Cameron told him, hands behind his back.

Charlie squinted at him. “Yeah, what’s it to you? Why’d you follow me?”

Richard looked away, not really in the mood for eye contact. “Just… thought you might’ve needed some sense knocked into you.” He glanced back at him, biting the inside of his cheek. “That was inappropriate, what you said at the table—”

“Cam, for Christ’s sake, don’t talk down to me like that.” Charlie interrupted, running his fingers through his hair. “What was Knox talking about? You guys talked about something…?”

Cameron shook his head, all of a sudden it was difficult to get air to his lungs. “I don’t know. I think he was just trying to taunt me.”

“Taunt you how? With what? Clearly, he knows something you’re not telling me.” Dalton said, however Richard groaned in annoyance.

“Look, Charlie, just because you’re mad at *him* doesn’t mean you can take it out on me. Alright?”

Charlie sighed, tapping his foot. “Yeah, you’re right.. I guess.”

Cameron looked around the room for a second, before hitching his breath. “Do you wanna… go smoke for a bit?”

Charlie looked at him, for a moment forgetting who he was talking to, before giving a smile. “*Do I?* I’d be honored, sweetheart.”

“Oh, god. Nevermind.” Richard replied, rolling his eyes with a smile.

“Come on, come on.” Dalton said, grabbing his pack of cigarettes and leading Cameron out of their dorm to go outside the back doors.

Chapter Text

The air outside was crisp and chilly It only took a few seconds before both the boys’ faces shifted to a pale shade with pink on the tips of their noses. Charlie always preferred how Richard looked in the cold. It made his hair darker and his eyes brighter somehow. So much less vibrant and standard; almost like a reminder to everyone that Cameron was a person just like the rest of them, and wasn’t always the same. But Cameron was so much more than just a person to Charlie. He was a friend…

“You just gunna sit there or hand me a cig, Dalton?” Cameron broke through Charlie’s thoughts, smiling timidly.

Dalton cleared his throat, slipping out a cigarette from the packet for Richard. He thought for a moment, before pressing the cigarette to his lips and grabbing his lighter from his pocket. He lit the smoke, hitting off of it before finally handing it to Cameron.

“Your fag is served.” He said with a grin.

Richard squinted at him suspiciously. “Did you just spark up my cigarette for me?” He asked, though he still took it and took a puff. He almost convinced himself he could feel Charlie’s lips on it.

Charlie only shrugged. “Just doing you a favor.” He said, taking out a cigarette for himself.

Cameron watched him, before reaching a hand forward and taking the unlit cigarette out of Charlie’s hand. “Here, hold this.” He traded Dalton his already lit cigarette, then put his empty hand out. “Give me your lighter.”

Charlie raised a brow, slipping out a laugh. “What?”

Richard smiled. “Come on, man. Hand it over.”

Dalton rolled his eyes, slapping his lighter into Cameron’s palm.

Cameron lifted Charlie’s cigarette to his mouth, flicking the lighter back and sparked up his cigarette for him, just as Charlie had done for him. He took a light hit, before swapping their cigarettes back and returning the brunette his lighter.

Charlie looked down at the cigarette, Cameron having to clear his throat abruptly so Charlie would notice he was trying to give him his lighter back. “Thanks.”

Richard leaned back against the cold railing of the stair case, suddenly a lot more silent with his eyes trained on the concrete. “Don’t mention it.”

Charlie took a long drag off his cigarette, shuffling his feet against the ground. “I’m sorry about Knox. I know he’s only doing it because he’s petty about me cutting him off.”

“It’s not just that.” Cameron replied hesitantly. “He’s doing it because he knows I’m…” He trailed off, searching for the right words. He can’t outright say he’s a faggot, that’s too much confrontation for himself. “A freak.”, he decided on that word. More fitting, anyways.

Dalton looked at him solemnly. He really wanted to reach forward onto his shoulders and shake him out of that mindset. But he didn’t. Besides, he sort of had an idea of what Richard was talking about. “Knox spoke to me… a while ago. He told me about a talk you two had.”

Cameron’s stomach sank, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “Oh.”, was all he could muster out of his trembling lips.

“Liking boys doesn’t make you a freak, Cammy.” Charlie told him, and if there were ever a time someone asked Cameron if Charlie *ever* sounded genuine, it’d be in this moment.

Richard hitched in a tight breath, holding it for what felt like an eternity. “You don’t think I’m a freak, do you? I need to know.” God, he sounded so damn desperate.

Dalton looked into his green eyes, biting his tongue. “I never have, and hopefully never will.” He grinned. “Unless you want to prove you’re a freak?”

Cameron forced a nervous chuckle, looking back down at the concrete. “No.” He swallowed a lump in his throat he didn’t know was there, taking a few hits off his cigarette.

Charlie looked up at the sky. It was a lot darker than he remembered. “What if we were stars?”

Richard glanced up at him, then at the sky. “Well, we’d be pretty hot, Dalton.”

Charlie rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that too, but… what if we were? Stars are kind of like people; there’s so many of them. And they’re all sort of...” He paused, looking over and meeting eyes with Cameron. “..different.”

Richard blinked, hoping the chilly environment could mask the reddening in his face. He smiled, though. “Thank you..” He mouthed, barely a whisper.

Charlie looked down at his lips, feeling a tear in his chest that screamed; *want, want, want.*

“Y-Yeah, of course.” Charlie shrugged.

“Was that a stutter? From *Charles Dalton*?” Cameron grinned, trying to smush down whatever overwhelming feeling was washing over his whole body.

“Shut up, Cameron.” Charlie groaned, embarrassed that his ‘badass’ persona was breaking down into vulnerability.

Richard just smiled, dragging off his cigarette, Charlie mirroring this action.

“You look good when you smoke.” Dalton blurted out, face suddenly a lot redder than the cold could possibly conjure.

Richard’s heart nearly bursted inside his chest, quickly looking at Charlie to see if he was just joking. “Wh.. What?” He tried to laugh off his nervousness, but it really only made it worse somehow.

Charlie shook his head. “Don’t take that to heart, Dick.” He grinned, but Cameron saw him shifting uncomfortably. He saw him flicking the ashes off his smoke even if it wasn’t ready. *Charlie was nervous? That’s impossible.*

It was entirely possible, and unfortunately for Dalton, very true at this moment. It sort of made him nauseous. But, Charlie wasn’t the only one.

Cameron couldn’t take it anymore. It’s like his insides were screaming and clawing under his skin; begging to be released and catch the thing he’s been chasing for his whole life. He hitched a breath, dropping his cigarette on the ground and stomping it out. “Charlie, there’s more to the conversation with Knox. More than I told you.”

Dalton looked up at the break of silence. “Well, go on. Don’t keep me waiting.”

Richard bit his tongue, frowning. “He knew something about me, and I didn’t even tell him. He *knew*....”

“What’d he know? Tell me, Cameron, what’d he know?” Charlie asked, eager to know these things Cameron was hiding from him.

Cameron huffed, lifting his hands to cover his eyes. “God! This is so stupid!”

“Shh, listen– Cameron, it’s *fine*.” Charlie tried to reassure, however Richard shook his head.

“It’s not fine, *Charlie.* I’m a fag– and.. And—” He groaned in frustration with his thoughts.

“And…?” Dalton whispered, furrowing his brows a bit. Half in confusion, half in impatience.

“I think I like you.. a-and it was going to kill me if I didn't tell you soon.” Cameron blurted out, biting down on his thumbnail. His legs were trembling, eyes darting around frantically; doing anything to avoid Charlie’s gaze. “That’s– that’s what Knox knew. It’s what he questioned me about. It’s what he was taunting me for at dinner today.”

Dalton swore he heard an entire symphony erupt in the atmosphere. Every feeling he’s ever felt, whether noticed or not, has just clicked together. It was like he understood everything now. He felt almost completely hollow, like he was floating in air. He only noticed how he didn’t respond with anything except wide eyes once Cameron started frantically mumbling apologies.

“Cam– Cameron– *Richard.*” Charlie called, gripping him by the shoulders. His cigarette lied astray on the concrete somewhere, he must’ve dropped it somewhere between the words “I’m a fag” and “I think I like you”, but he couldn’t recall.

“Stop talking for a second.” Dalton requested, and Richard bit his lip harshly to stop himself from shuddering another sound.

Charlie looked over his whole face now. He looked so scared, and this was probably the most awkward interaction involving a confession Charlie’s ever experienced (although, he’s only experienced two confessions other than the current one; a girl from his 5th grade year, and Knox.)

Charlie swallowed the anxiety stuck in his throat, his eyes lingering into Cameron’s who was avoiding his gaze completely.

Despite the cold chill of the night and the snowflakes that began to sprinkle in their hair and around their shoes, Charlie had grown a warmth in his chest. Something that felt hot; like fire.

Charlie moved one hand up from Cameron’s shoulder, moving it towards his jaw. He hesitated however, and instead moved that hand up to ruffle the snowflakes out of Cameron’s curls. “It’s okay to like me, Richie. The world isn’t going to end because of it.”

Richard held his hand behind his back, his nails digging into the skin of his wrist beneath his coat. “How can you be sure?” He croaked, the taste of his cigarette still stained his tongue.

Charlie thought for a moment, biting his tongue. “Well, before I can, you have to promise you won’t scream in my face. Can you do that, Cameron?”

Cameron breathed out a nervous chuckle. “That might be a hard promise to keep.” He clenched his other hand to stop himself from scratching too hard. “I can try.” He finally looked Charlie in the eyes.

Dalton smiled, and soon leaned in closer to him. He was afraid all of a sudden. Afraid to close that distance between their lips, afraid to put Cameron at that risk of worry. As much as he resented Richard’s entire being, he was sure as hell worried about him.

Oh, fuck it. Dalton never backs down.

He pressed his lips onto Cameron's, shutting his eyes in an attempt to not see any amount of fear in the redhead’s eyes. However, for the first time in his life, Cameron showed no fear; he kissed him back, closing his eyes in return.

Chapter Text

Soon, this horrible weight sunk into Cameron’s chest.

No, this isn’t right.

He started pulling away from the kiss, Charlie’s symphony in the background began playing off-key notes as the chorus broke down into exploding noise in his head. *Why is he pulling away?*

Cameron opened his eyes first. Then, Charlie’s eyes slowly dragged open and met with the ginger’s.

“Char…” Richard began softly, looking at the floor.

Dalton’s heart panged in his chest. Two heartbreaks in one day might be the thing that breaks his spirit. He stared, anticipating any word that could come out of Cameron’s mouth.

However, Richard only sighed, the fog from his warm mouth evident in the crisp atmosphere. “M-My reputation, I can’t—” His voice caught in his throat, avoiding Charlie’s face.

Charlie looked at him solemnly, before stuffing his hands in his pockets and kicking one of the cigarette buds off the cement and into the snow that had begun falling rather quicker than he remembered. Then, he spoke up. “What if no one knew?”

Cameron glanced up at him now, squeaking out an awkward laugh. “How would that work?”

Dalton shuffled in place, shifting his weight from one foot to another. “Well, what if.. What if we just kept it a secret? Between us.”

“I don’t know, Charlie. I don’t think I can handle it.. Being in a relationship with someone like me. *I’d* still know, and that’s… that’s too much as it is.” Richard stammered, his hands red from the cold.

Charlie thought for a moment, sucking in air between his teeth as he came up with an idea. “Well, what if it wasn’t a relationship, Cammy? Y’know, casual.” He shrugged, reaching his hands out of his pockets to hold Cameron’s colder ones. “We can still do these kinds of things, but without the dating hanging over your head. It’d be better for both of us, to admit…” he trailed off near the end, waiting for Cameron to reply.

Cameron watched Charlie’s thumb glide back and forth on his cold hands. He pondered this for a good few moments, before giving a gentle nod. “Alright. Okay. Casual… I-I think I can do that.”

Dalton cracked a gentle smile. “That’s it, baby.” He leaned forward, planting a kiss on the center of Richard’s forehead. “Let’s get inside now. You’ll freeze.”

Cameron rolled his eyes, feeling a weight slide off his shoulders and he smiled. He followed Charlie’s lead inside. “Yeah, don’t act like you weren’t cold too, dickhead.”

Charlie only laughed, ruffling the melting snowflakes in Cameron’s curls.

...