Archive of Our Own ^beta

Bowser should have done this ages ago. Blowing smoke out his nostrils and feeling his mouth fill with heat, he glared at the white mushroom cottage with a red and white spotted roof. This house looked just like all the other little cottages in toad town except for the red-lettered sign on the white picket gate that read: Mario. Bowser was so enraged by the name that he clawed the wooden board in two, not even seeing or noticing the other print in smaller green letters: & Luigi. He stomped down the path, completely missing some of the stepping stones and leaving heavy footprints behind him in the dirt. When he punched the door open, it burst off the hinges and flew inside, stopping only a foot or two short of the lanky creature who’d been bent over the stove. The green one shrieked and jumped straight up into the air so high he nearly hit the ceiling. Bowser did a quick glancing search looking for Mario, but there wasn’t a trace of red in sight. GRRRRRRRR…He felt his face getting hot and he growled. He’d come all this way to finally beat the crap out of that punk for always destroying his chances with the princess and the shortstack wasn’t even here?!!

Without further thought, he lobed a furious blast of fire at the green bean. To his shock and surprise the man whipped the metal lid off the pot on the stove and used it as a shield, then had the gall to toss it directly at him!

He roared and lunged inside breaking the entire door frame and leaving the distinct outline of his shell behind. His mouth fell open when the little mustached pipsqueak spun out of reach just in time to avoid him.

“Why you, little—” his nose twitched. What was that smell?

Something smelled delicious. The enormous pot, whose lid had been so rudely used to combat him, seemed to contain a bubbling soup. Bowser could smell the oily fats and juices of meats and veggies boiling to perfection within and suddenly he very much wanted to taste some. He was about to dip in a claw when a small fist sent a jolt of electricity straight through his shell into his body. He was flung backward across the room, snapping the couch on impact with a splintering crack, which knocked over the side table and sent a lamp crashing to the floor.

“I-a didn’t say you could have any!”

Bowser stared, fighting off the feeling of immense tiredness in all of his muscles after being so harshly electrocuted.

This was the most furious he’d ever seen Greenie. It was…interesting. Those blue eyes, so similar to Peach’s yet so completely different. Right now they were burning with anger. It made something in his chest flip-flop. What the hell?

Bowser growled and stalked forward, drawing back his arm and taking a swing at the infuriatingly infuriated plumber. Green sidestepped and kicked him squarely in the chest, toppling him onto his shell.

“Why you little—”

“What are you a-doing here?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m here to tell that princess stealing little tomato to keep his hands off my princess!”

“Scusi?! You calling Mario ‘princess stealer’?!”

Then a sound Bowser wasn’t sure he’d ever heard before, a little giggle interrupted by the occasional snort filled the room. He liked it. It’s kind of cute, he thought. Until he realized that the green bean was laughing at him. HOW DARE HE???!! Then, through the fury, he realized that this little insignificant human, Mario’s cowardly brother, had the balls to laugh in his face. Very few had the nerve to so much as scoff in his general direction. Bowser’s anger gave way to interest. He needed to study this new development. And what better way than by finishing what he’d started?

“Keep your guard up, Bean pole! Did you think this fight was over?”

The smile vanished and the green Mario snapped back to attention just as Bowser came at him again. The koopa king was careful this time, taking quick stock of their surroundings and trying not to get thrown into any more couches. It was fascinating, really, to suddenly become aware that the younger brother of your nemesis is perhaps a better close combat fighter than said nemesis. The longer they fought, the more thoroughly Bowser was convinced. Green Mario was fast. A bit clumsy, sure, and a touch unrefined, but Bowser appreciated that this one knew how to hit. On this playing field, they were well matched. Bowser couldn’t rely on most of his usual techniques without risking bringing the building down on top of them both.

“Stand still, Green Mario!”

He spluttered as he was dealt a ferocious left hook. The moment his head stopped spinning he realized that the other had bowled him over on his shell yet again and had a grip on his plastron. Those blue eyes were burning brighter than ever. Luigi’s fingers curled on the top edge of his plastron and yanked him forward to stare directly down into his eyes, growling furiously. Why did his face feel hot? He wasn’t using his fire breath…

“My name is Luigi!” The human snarled. Bowser blinked.

Incessant, annoying ringing saved the king further thought along those lines. Both of their heads turned toward the device on the table by the back window. What a terrible sound, Bowser thought, I should smash it to pieces. It seemed to have called them both back to reality as Luigi’s face blanched and he released Bowser’s shell, suddenly avoiding those burning red eyes and shrinking away. What the heck? Where was the man who’d just yelled in the face of a king?

“Hi,” said the strange number box by the window, making Bowser flinch then growl darkly at the sound of his red-hatted foe’s voice, “you’ve reached-a Mario! Uh—and-a Luigi.”

Oh. Bowser had glanced at Luigi and the man’s lips hadn’t moved. This machine used strange magic.

“We’re-a probably out on-a mission! Leave-a your message and we’ll-a call-a you back!”
BEEP! Bowser glared. This machine was far too annoying. Why hadn’t the plumbers smashed it yet?

“H-hey Lu!”

Rumbling the entire room with his menacing growl Bowser glared fiercely at the machine for yet again emitting that hated voice. But why did it sound like that? That wasn’t really how Mario sounded. It was softer, almost, nervous?

“Um, oh boy. You’re probably going to be super angry with-a me…”

“Don’t,” Luigi suddenly barked, joining Bowser in scowling at the machine, piquing the Koopa’s interest. “Don’t you dare! You swore!”

“I know I said I’d be home for dinner tonight.”

Bowser watched, fascinated, as the green plumber’s fists clenched. The creature took off into a flurry of that nonsense he and Mario often spouted whenever they were together. Huh. So it was a language. Bowser supposed he simply hadn’t spared it much thought before now. Like most foreign languages, he didn’t need to understand it to feel whatever was being said. And man, Greenie was furious.

Huh. If he waited here, would he get to see them throw hands? He barely stopped his tail from wagging at the thought. Grambi, he’d love to see that.

Mario’s voice was still rattling on, cracking a little with feedback from the device. Bowser had tuned it out the second Luigi’s foot left his chest. Those gloves were curled so tightly into fists that the fabric squeaked. More of that language and then, in a rush Luigi’s sparking hand slammed down into the annoying machine and it burst. About time, as far as Bowser was concerned, but then his eyes caught Luigi’s face. All the green plumber’s fight was gone. The guy wilted like a noodle against the cabinet where the strange device’s remains sparked and sputtered. He looked defeated.

Bowser should’ve felt good, but instead only felt angrier. Who the hell was Mario to steal even this from me?! We were having an excellent fight! Perfectly good sport! And then Mario just—He was being watched. He looked up. Weary deep blue eyes were eyeing him with very little hope.

“I don’t-a suppose you want-a any dinner?”

He opened his mouth to furiously bite back a retort when his growling stomach answered for him. Luigi’s eyes sharpened. Good. Bowser liked them much better this way.

“Dinner?” He asked, lowly.

“Si. A-Mario was supposed to-a come. But he cancelled. Again.” The human sounded tired.

Bowser was annoyed. Not only because Mario didn’t even have the grace to come to dinner and get his ass beat, but also because he didn’t like that the soup which smelled so delicious was for Mario’s benefit. Ugh. What did he need with Mario’s food?

“Do you want-a some or-a not?” Luigi asked sharply. “I can-a just give it away or-a throw it out.”

Bowser growled, shooting a hot red glare at the pipsqueak. Luigi rolled his eyes and just turned his back on him.

“Fine. Just go.”

Bowser was so confused. One minute they’re having a great fight then Greenie, Mario’s brother, invites him to dinner, then is disappointed, then just orders him to leave? He was a King. Nobody ordered him to do anything. Then again…no human had ever invited to him to dinner either…

“What about you?” He wondered aloud.

Luigi glanced back at him. He reworded the question. “Aren’t you gonna eat?”

Luigi went over to the stove and sighed. Bowser belatedly realized that the soup was hardly the only food. Who the hell was he cooking for, an army? There was at least enough to feed an entire goomba squadron. Well, of course, Bowser could probably down most of it in one meal, but did humans really eat this much? He stomped over, the house shaking a little with his steps and sniffed a few of the other dishes. Hmm. His stomach growled louder. Luigi’s tiny smile wasn’t quite lost under that mustache.

“I’ll-a move some things. Go ahead and sit at the table. It’s already-a set.”

Bowser was still stunned by this whole turn of events, but he listened. While the green one fiddled about in the kitchen, he started noticing things he’d been too angry and combative to see earlier. Luigi’s hat was hanging on a peg by the door. He’d hardly seen either Mario brother without them. Unobtrusively, he glanced back over. Luigi’s hair was brown, curly and soft-looking. The curls bounced a little as the human rushed about. The table was a plain wooden affair. He snorted. It didn’t quite reach his waist. And those chairs definitely wouldn’t hold him. He pushed one of them aside and sat on the floor instead. That would have to do. On the wall across from him was a big image of a dozen or more humans that all looked suspiciously alike.

“Oh good. A whole family of Marios.”

Luigi bustled over and arranged the food on the table. Hearing Bowser’s remark, he looked up and smiled.

“Ah, si. La famiglia…” he looked sad.

“You alright over there, Greenie?”

“Scusi? Oh. Si. I just…miss them.”

“Why? You’ve got the warp pipe, don’tcha?”

Luigi’s face hardened. “Not anymore. It was destroyed a year or two ago now.”

He stared and guiltily rubbed the back of his neck. He hadn’t meant to make things awkward. “Sorry, I didn’t know.”

Luigi was looking at him like he’d said something shocking, but it seemed to pass. The deep blue gaze softened and greenie whispered, voice thick with emotion, “Thank you.”

“So…” when Luigi sat down across from him, Bowser suddenly felt extremely nervous. He was terrible at this small talk stuff. He stumbled for a point of discussion and landed on, “So what is all this stuff?” He pointed at the dishes on the table.

Luigi’s cheeks turned red. Was the human too warm?

“Ah! Scusi! These are vegetables! This one is-a cheese ravioli! And this is-a lasagna. There’s-a meaty cannelloni, a eggplant parmigiana, and finally-a the soup.”

Bowser went for the meaty one first. It fought his attempts to slide it onto his plate and he growled. Luigi stood up and helped him. He was about to shout that he hadn’t needed any help when Greenie giggled again.

“It’s a little tricky at first. They break-a easily.”

Hmm. Bowser supposed he would allow that to slide for now. These human forks were tiny, but he was a King, and he didn’t want the whole mushroom kingdom to start saying he ate like a barbarian, so he did his best to pinch the dainty thing between his fingers. Apparently, Luigi noticed his predicament. The man got up with another ‘scusi’ and rushed off only to return with a much bigger fork. What did they even have this for? Bowser wondered, but he didn’t ask.

He took a cautious bite. The outside was strange, but the moment his teeth punctured it meaty flavor exploded in his mouth.

Thump Swish Swish Thump Thump.

Luigi jumped a little in his seat and glanced around. He found it quick enough. Bowser’s tail was wagging. He absorbed that for a moment, then his lips curled into a smile. Huh. That was actually rather sweet. Bowser eagerly slid a few more canneloni onto his plate which only made Luigi’s smile grow. Looks like the food he’d spent hours on was a success.

“What?” Bowser rumbled.

“Oh, huh?” Luigi asked. Had the Koopa been speaking?! He felt his face starting to get hot again. He’d gotten so distracted he hadn’t been listening…

“Aren’t you gonna eat, too?”

“Oh. I’mma not that hungry.”

Bowser set down his fork and glared.

Luigi paled. How had he never noticed how red Bowser’s eyes were??! Like molten lava. He gulped. “I’ve been-a cooking most of-a the day. And I have to taste it to make sure it’s-a ready, so—“

“What happened to your face?”

“Scusi?”

“This part,” Bowser gestured to just under his eyes. “It’s all dark. Somebody punch ya or something?” Why did that thought make his fire burn extra hot? What did he care if someone was beatin’ up on the Green Mario?

“No. A-nobody punched me. They’re a just dark circles. I-uh—” Luigi wouldn’t look at him, “I-a haven’t been-a sleeping much.”

“Why not?” Bowser asked, chomping down another bite of Cannelloni.

“I-ah only just-a got back. Mario and-a la principessa and I were-a tricked by King Boo. He trapped us in-a the haunted hotel and I had to-a save them.”

“You?” Bowser raised an eyebrow. Luigi’s eyes flashed.

“Si, a-Luigi!!”

“Easy there, green. Wasn’t implying anything. Just didn’t realize you were into that kind of stuff.”

Luigi’s mustached lip twitched. “I-a am not into it. But if I-a hadn’t done something, nobody would and-a Mario would be—he’s-a my brother. Mio fratellone.”

Bowser hummed. “I respect that. You surprised me earlier when I came barreling in here. Once I realized Mario wasn’t around, I was ready to steamroll ya, but you’re tougher than I gave you credit for.”

“What, that? I was a mostly just jumping out of the way.”

“You got some good hits in. That’s a hell of a left hook.”

Luigi was turning red.

“We should do that again sometime,” Bowser suggested, enjoying the way all color instantly drained from the red face as its expression changed to one of horror. He chuckled, “Don’t worry, I promise I’ll go easy on ya.”

The blush was back. Luigi cursed under his breath.

“So when’d ya get back? You know, from Boo’s haunted hotel or whatever?”

“Uh, three days ago.”

Three days… “Is that why it’s been so quiet these past two weeks? Cuz Peaches and Mario were waiting for you to rescue em?”

Luigi nodded. “That place was-a huge and -a full of ghosts. It took ages to-a clean them all up.”

Mario’s fraidy-cat brother a ghost hunter. Who’d have thought? He spied Luigi’s empty plate and couldn’t stop himself from barking, “Get some food, green, for pit’s sake, before you starve. You’re scrawny enough as is.”

Was Bowser concerned because he wasn’t eating? Luigi stared, then shook it off. Of course not. He probably just wants to be sure it’s all edible or something.

“So, besides saving your brother’s behind, ghost hunting and cooking, what else do you do that I don’t know about?”

Curse his cheeks!! Why did they keep going pink like that? It was distractingly cute. Hold it right there. Cute? …Yes. In a similar way that the princess’ pouting face was cute, only sweeter because Luigi wasn’t mad at him. His heart beat a little faster. He’d seen the human do this before! It was hardly new! Why, the very first time they met, when he was interrogating Luigi and pulling hairs from that little mustache—WHY DO I STILL REMEMBER THAT AFTER ALL THIS TIME?! That was years ago! It felt like another life. Yet now, here they were eating together and talking like old friends. Friends. Is that what they were? Hmm. No. But maybe they could be. It might be fun. Fun?! What was he thinking?! There had to be something wrong with him—Luigi’s voice pulled him out of the spiraling thoughts.

“Well, I guess I-a garden. I like-a tennis and kart racing?”

“You’re not bad at Kart racing.” Indeed, Luigi got third in the last Mushroom Kingdom grand prix right behind Mario and himself, of course. Dammit. There were those red cheeks again.

“Why does your face do that?!” He asked, unable to hold back his frustration any longer. Luigi got even redder somehow.

“Huh?”

“Why is your face all red?!”

“Ah! Sc-scusi! Mi dispiace! It’s um—it just-a happens. It’s-a called-a blushing. It-a happens when-a humans are-a embarrassed.”

Embarrassed? “I know what a blush is, human! But koopas don’t blush half as much as you! What the shell are you embarrassed for?” He could barely hold in a laugh when Luigi looked mortified and even redder. “Get any redder and you’re gonna pop. Deep breaths, greenie.”

Luigi gasped for air until his color was almost back to normal, only to blush again slightly as he confessed, “I-uh—you-a keep saying nice things to me.”

That didn’t make sense.

“I wasn’t saying nice things the first time we met when I was interrogating you, but you blushed then, too.”

Luigi struggled to keep his breathing normal.

“I—you—You-a remember that?”

“Of course I remember. Koopas have excellent memories.”

“Oh.”

“Well? Why’d you blush then?”

“Y-you,” Luigi didn’t want to say it, but he had a feeling that Bowser wouldn’t let the topic slide. “Your-a face was—it was really close to me…”

“What?”

“People don’t usually get so close to each other.”

Bowser stuffed more food in his mouth, swallowed and grumbled sourly, “Humans are weird.”

Luigi was finally starting to eat and that made Bowser feel a bit bolder, so he began to dig deeper. “Why does me saying you’re good with karts embarrass you?”

“B-because it’s a compliment.” at the strange look bowser sent him he held up his hands placatingly, “I’m-a just not used to people saying nice things about me.”

Well that didn’t make any sense.

“You’re a hero.”

“Mario is a hero. I’m-a just-a Luigi.”

Boswer took some of this lasagna thing and tried it, careful to keep his face neutral when it turned out to be as delicious as the cannelloni. He didn’t even notice his tail was wagging until he caught Luigi smiling at him. He stopped mid wag and grumbled, “Well I’d take you over Mario any day of the week.”

The strangled sound Luigi made was slightly concerning. Bowser raised an eyebrow, wondering if the man was choking on food. Something in his chest ached when he caught the green plumber quickly wiping both eyes with a sleeve. Was—was Luigi okay? How did he find out? He couldn’t really just ask. That seemed too familiar. So instead he just blurted out:

“Can you get me some soup? Your scoop is too small.”

“Oh! Of-a course.”

Luigi placed an enormous bowl of that delectable smelling dish in front of him and his mouth watered. He lifted it to his lips and tilted. It was quite simply one of the best things he’d ever tasted. Even if it did have vegetables in it.

Thump thump swish swish thump thump.

“You-a like it?”

Bowser downed the entire bowl and licked his lips. “That stuff is amazing!! And those tiny noodles with the meat inside are delicious!”

“Thank you. It’s nonna—my grandmother’s recipe.”

“Mario is an idiot.”

“Scusi?”

“Who in their right mind would skip out on this good of food?”

Luigi’s eyes were watery. “T-thank you.” He sniffled. “That means a lot.” Bowser was looking at him. He didn’t know how much longer he could hold back the waterworks. He needed an escape. Then he saw the dishes and the mess and immediately ached to clear up a little. “I-a better start cleaning up and-a putting things away.”

“But you didn’t finish your—” Too late. Luigi was already darting off, saying that he could help himself to as much as he wanted. He did, going out of his way to try a bit of everything, even the dishes he wasn’t sure about. Luigi was grateful that if the king heard him sobbing his heart out over the running water in the kitchen, Bowser said nothing.

When he’d had his fill of food, Bowser stood. Luigi was still in the kitchen. He wandered that direction, carefully carrying the empty dishes.

Luigi met him halfway and took them. The man was stiff-lipped and puffy eyed. Bowser crossed to stand next to him. As Luigi washed the dishes and set them aside, Bowser picked them up and used blasts of hot air to get them dry. It felt easy and almost natural helping each other this way.

“So, when’s shortstack gonna be back?” He rumbled.

Luigi sighed and looked away with a shrug. “Mario is gone a lot. Most of-a the time it’s just-a me, Weegee.” The would-be lighthearted tone of voice clashed with the sadness in his eyes.

“Well he should be here. Aren’t brothers supposed to be there for each other or some crap like that?”

“Mario is there when I need him.”

“He wasn’t tonight.”

Bowser appreciated that greenie didn’t deny it.

“He is just-a busy with more important things.”

“More important than you?”

Bowser expected more arguments but none came. Instead Luigi nodded and it made Bowser’s gut clench in revulsion.

“Si. Mario is a hero.”

“That doesn’t mean he can walk all over you. Stand up for yourself! He’s your brother.” Bowser wasn’t sure that what he was saying was true because he didn’t know how Mario felt about anything. But he didn’t have to know much to know one thing. “This whole thing started because that red thorn in my side came to rescue you. So, speak up. He’ll listen. And I don’t think he’d like you saying that you’re not as important as those other things.”

Pit, if any of the koopalings ever said something like that to him he’d feel like the worst father in the universe. He wasn’t a great dad, he knew that, but he never wanted to fail his little ones so badly that they felt too alone to even come to him. Did any of them feel that way? His chest tightened. He hadn’t been spending much time with them lately. He’d been planning another scheme to kidnap the toadstool princess. Hmm…it was getting dark. He should get back to the castle and check on them.

“I should get going. My kids are probably getting worried.”

Luigi gave a little start, then suggested, “Would you like to take-a some food?”

So, Bowser ended up with five big containers of food on the seat beside him in his clown car. He flew home with a lot to think about.