Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There was a crisp winter wind blowing into the open air prison of Castle Krakenburg. Navigating my way down to the cells, a small chill runs up my spine feeling my armor nip at my skin as the freezing air starts dominating any heat that the metal had absorbed from my body. It reminded me of how cruel the prison here in Windmire could truly be. Though I typically struggle to feel sympathy for the foolish Hoshidan soldiers taken in after head on attacks on Nohr, it feels as though there are dozens more Nohrians who had been imprisoned for petty theft or simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time, forcing all of them to brave the harsh conditions was a punishment that felt almost too draconian regardless of the crimes they committed.

I stopped once reaching the cell I was looking for. It was a standard procedure to interrogate any Hoshidans brought in, but this one was quite unusual. She wasn’t a soldier or assassin of any sort. She was an author of Hoshidan styled graphic novel series that had suddenly started seeing popularity in Nohr. The suspicious activity drew the eyes of concerned citizens and the concerns became so prevalent that my father caught wind of it. He tasked my siblings and I with taking care of it with the responsibility falling on me as the one to bring her in. Now she was a huffing mess in the corner of her cell, rocking gently while clinging to a tattered old stuffed fox.

“You’re a long way from home aren’t you little fox?” I said with my usual smile and comforting tone.

Her huffs silenced and rocking ceased as her ears perked up, she began to tremble while refusing to turn to face me. I unlocked the door to the cell and dismissed my retainers as I stepped inside knowing I would likely be there for a while. There have been many difficult prisoners brought in before but the way she acted was different from how those other prisoners behaved.

“I’m not here to hurt you little fox, let those pretty eyes of yours rest.”

For a brief moment the trembling stopped as she turned her head slightly to look at me. Her eyes were full of fear but her face gave a hint of confusion at my words. Her eyes met with mine briefly before darting away again.

“Uh-Uh, Look at me when I’m speaking to you.” I started sprinkling in some harshness to my tone.

Her ears flattened as she raised her head to look at me, a blush filled her cheeks as she still struggled to keep eye contact with me but she managed to at least keep her gaze on my face.

“What is your name, pretty fox?”

Chapter Text

"[][][][][]! Come out of your room right now!" A shout from my mother rings throughout the house calling to a name nobody answers to anymore.

I was lying in my bed with the blinds closed leaving me in darkness. The tatami floors surrounding my futon are littered with books, art supplies and writing utensils, most covered in dust from weeks of not being used. In my arms was a stuffed fox I had since I was a child, he used to reside in a box in my closet for my teenage years but recently I took him out of storage. He gave me a comfort that nobody could provide me anymore.

There was a sudden pounding against the door of my room. Not wanting to further escalate the situation I sat up in bed and threw on a dirty yukata I picked up from the floor. I brushed my long hair out of my face as I hobbled over to the door and slid the door open.

"Go cut your fucking hair, right now." My father demanded, his words laced in venom.

"What?"

"You heard me. Get it short like mine."

I wanted to shut the door in his face but my mind was stunned in fear. I subconsciously stepped back making the mistake of letting him get his foot in the door.

"I-I don't understand... W-Why?"

"You need to grow up. You can't just throw a fit whenever things don't go your way!" His attempts at keeping an inside voice were becoming futile as I dragged the conversation out.

Earlier in the day I sprained my ankle during my human scouting training. I never wanted to be a scout for the village but my parents made me volunteer after months of failing to find a place to work in the village with my skills, I feared what would happen if I made them mad again. Though my injury was treated immediately I wasn't able to keep up with the other scouts because of the pain it caused while running, not that I could keep up even if I wasn't injured. Everything began to pile up in my mind at once, the stress of not being able to keep up, the pain of my injury, the anxiety of what it would be like if I were to encounter a real human and the subconscious knowledge that I didn't want to be there in the first place. I had a nervous breakdown in the forest. Kaden was understanding and let me quit and go home, he was always kind and supportive though the advice he would give me wasn't always useful, at the very least he called me my preferred name. I got home and told my mother what happened, I guess she told father when he got home. Now we're here...

"I-It's not my fault my fucking ankle got twisted!"

"I don't care. You're an adult you need to act like one. You can't whine things like 'Oh, oh my ankle! I can't go on!', whenever you don't get your way. You should have sucked it up and continued your training." He mocked

The irony of someone 30 years older than me throwing a fit and mocking me while trying to lecture me about acting my age wasn't lost on me but I was too scared to say anything at all. My ears were flattened, my tail was tucked between my legs, there was a lump in my throat. I paced idly in my room praying that my father would disappear but it seemed that he wouldn't leave me alone until I left the house. I hesitantly grabbed my glasses as my father escorted me to the front door.

"Don't come back until it's cut, if it's not short enough I'll send you back!"

I put on my geta and walked out the door as it was slammed shut behind me. I walked to the home of a kitsune who my parents used to bring me to on occasion, she was one of the village's dedicated hair stylists.

"How do you want it?" She asked me.

"I don't know... Short..." I said in a flat tone.

I sat where she told me to and began to trim away. I had been growing out my hair for the past few months and it was reaching past my shoulders, nearing the ends of my shoulder blades at this point. My parents constantly commented on it being too long and that I should do something with it, I would always ignore them. I could never tell them the real reason I liked it long, that being it made me feel more feminine and soft, I was scared of what would happen if I told my parents that. It also felt like a personal symbol of control over my body, being born in the wrong body made it hard to stay clean shaven and I didn't have the means of giving myself the body I wanted while living with my parents, they'd force me to do work I didn't want. But my hair would always grow on it's own, it's something my parents couldn't stop, it's length was one of the few things I liked about myself.

That's why it hurt so much. I had to maintain a blank stare to hide my emotions as the only thing I liked about my appearance was cut away. Locks of hair fell into my lap as small snips cut away my bangs, the shears continued around the back of my neck snipping away at the longest strands that either landed on the floor around me or was caught in the fur of my tail. After what felt like hours the stylist held a mirror up so I could see how I looked.

"What do you think?" she said with a smile but I knew she could tell I wasn't happy with it.

I looked in the mirror, my hair was short in the front and back but slightly shaggy on the sides. I stared into my eyes for a moment, a completely dull gaze stared back.

"It's okay." I lied.

I stood up and began to walk home. It started to rain as I walked home leaving me completely drenched when I slid the door open. I took off my geta and started walking to my room but my mother and father stopped me as I passed by the dinner table to make sure I got it cut.

"I think it makes you look handsome, don't you think?" my mother commented.

"..." I didn't say anything in response.

I walked into my room and slid the door shut behind me. I put my glasses on my work desk then took off my damp yukata and lazily let it fall to the floor leaving me naked to dry off. I brushed my tail until it was dry then when I was done the weight of everything today began to fall on me again and my emotions started to overwhelm me. I grabbed the plush fox from my bed and curled up in the corner of the room. I started to rock as tears streamed down my face, I felt so helpless. I wasn't good for anything that would let me move out, there also wasn't anyone who cared enough to help me either. I couldn't tell my parents what I am out of fear of what they might do. Even if I could leave, I have nowhere to go, I wouldn't be safe anywhere as a kitsune let alone one that identifies differently from their sex at birth.

I dried my eyes for a moment to try and stop spiraling. My eyes wander the room until they're caught by an old watercolor painting I did of my favorite character from my favorite book. A samurai woman missing an arm and eye who still fought with all of her strength to see tomorrow. She was my muse for art, the person I aspired to be, she made me want to be a woman. I crawled over and picked up the art piece.

"I-I'm sorry... I'm sorry I failed y-you..." I whimpered.

Tears fell from my eyes onto the art I held in my hand. I began to sob letting more tears fall to the paper, ruining the ink and paint as it was absorbed. I didn't care if it was ruined, I already failed her by losing my motivation to draw her over and over.

"I'm sorry... I-I promised myself that I would be strong like y-you... B-But I can't do it... I'm not strong enough... I-I'll never be s-strong enough..." I kept sobbing to myself as I curled up on the floor clinging to my fox.

------

"You're not the talkative type I see." I said to her.

I had been standing over her for minutes after I asked my question. She was looking up towards me but her gaze was unfocused. I snapped my fingers and her eyes concentrated on me again.

"Hm?" She squeaked reflexively.

Remembering her situation she readjusted her position in the corner to get slightly further away.

"You're just making this harder for yourself, little fox. I know that you kitsune like to seclude yourself from both Nohr and Hoshido, but that's what confuses me. Why are you living here in the capital? If you were here to assassinate a noble surely you wouldn't have a permanent residence here."

Her eyes darted around the cell and then back to me, still no answer.

"You know... You haven't really committed any crimes, we just thought the sudden uptick in hoshidan style reading materials was suspicious to say the least. The sooner you start answering questions, the sooner we can let you go home. Isn't that what you want, pretty fox?"

She blushed as she nodded slowly.

"There we go~ now can you please tell me your name?"

She raised her head to where I could get a better look at her as she was previously hiding the lower half of her face with her stuffed toy. She seemed to be close to Corrin's age, maybe a bit younger, the thought of someone like Corrin out on their own so far from home made me reconsider my approach in this interrogation.

"[][][][][]..." she said in a husky voice, almost as if she's trying to hide a usually feminine tone.

"What was that?" I tired to be softer with my words to calm her nerves.

"M-My name... is [][][][][]..."

I became even more confused at her name as her ears flattened.

"That doesn't sound much like a girls name, are you sure?"

"I-I'm not... girl..." her voice cut off as she hid behind her stuffy again.

"But you look like a girl, you describe yourself as a girl in the author's notes of your books, I feel like you're lying to me pretty fox~"

"I-I'm not... I-I'm a b-boy... I-I look like a b-boy, h-how could y-you possibly see m-me as a girl..." she struggled to say without choking up.

"You might be wearing clothes made for boys, but your hair is so long and soft, your legs and arms are clean shaven. I don't believe any boy would do such a thing. So let me ask again little fox. What is your name, your true name?"

She looked as though she was about to cry again.

"I-Its... (Y/n)." She said.

Chapter Text

"I wish there was an easier way to do this..." I grumbled to myself.

I sat at the edge of the spring as I hunched over the edge. On the ground below me sat a small mirror and a bowl of water that had hundreds of tiny hairs sprinkled in it, coagulating at the bottom of the bowl as well as treading on top of the water unable to break the surface tension. I dragged a thin blade gently down my cheek, trailing down to the underside of my chin, cutting away any dampened facial hair. I drop the blade in the bowl and tap it to shake off the hairs it had picked up then cupped some water from the spring I sat in to wash my face. I rubbed my jaw and chin as I check the mirror for any hairs I missed. Nothing. Just like how I felt about myself. Not happy, not sad. This was as content I could be with my appearance at that given moment. I let out a sigh as I lowered the rest of my body into the hot spring to finally clean off after what felt like hours. I almost fully submersed myself in the spring, my face and ears the only thing that the early autumn air could hope to reach among the wafting heat from the water.

For a brief moment I tried to relax all alone but a twitch of my ear alerted me to the door sliding open. I quickly sat up and my soaked hair clung to my back, a blush filled my face as I reflexively put an arm over my chest and turn away. I look over my shoulder to try and struggle to identify who had just entered without my glasses.

"W-Who's there?" I yelped.

"Oh, Heya [][][][][]!" A familiar voice called back.

"H-Hey Kaden..." I said under my breath.

I lower my guard and scoot back to the edge of the spring, the blur of Kaden's figure became more detailed as he got closer. Though the embarrassment of being walked in on vanished, my face turned a lighter pink as I remembered to look away as he disrobed and got into the spring a few feet away. I let out a sigh as he continues to make small talk.

"I almost didn't recognize you when you were sopping wet like that, your hair is normally all over the place you know." He said with a giggle.

"Y-Yeah, I know. That's just how I like it." I gave another nervous response.

"Fair enough then, I know how vain I can be so who am I to judge." He shrugged.

I raise my arms up and try to stretch out hoping it would be easier to talk if my muscles weren't sore from the stress of training. I arch my back as a couple small popping sounds reach my ears, each sensation causing small mewls escape my lips. I feel one last knot in my back but no matter how I orient my stretches I can't seem to get it out, I give up leaving me exhausted just from the effort.

"Are you okay? I don't think I've ever seen someone make those kinds of noises while stretching-- Well, not while stretching like that I mean." He chuckled at his own joke again.

"I'm fine, I'm just not used to training like this. I was living the last few years thinking I would be an artist, remember." I said after catching my breath.

"I remember [][][][][], it's hard to forget when you whine about having to put down your sketchbook during training." He said jabbing my shoulder playfully.

"D-Does it really bother you that much?" I said sadly.

"Not me at least, I was just teasing ya. I understand how you don't really want to be there so I'm not gonna lay into you like your dad probably wants me to." He said with a reassuring smile.

"Thanks. I really do appreciate it Kaden..."

"Of course! Say it's been a few days since I've shaved myself, mind if I borrow that?" He said pointing at the bowl with the razor blade behind me.

"If you knew where it's been today you wouldn't be asking." I shot back with a joke of my own.

"Oh ew, gross!" He laughed.

Kaden was one of my only friends from when I was growing up, he was the oldest of our little group and became the defacto "friend group leader" since he was in line to become the next village chief. Due to recent events he was the only one I still talked to. Our reunion wasn't as pleasant as I would've liked to imagine, weeks ago my father furiously marched me towards the human scouting training grounds and demanded that I volunteer. After seeing my father's outbursts at me, Kaden rushed over to say he would train me himself. Any joy I felt for seeing him again after so long was crushed by the fear of being next to my enraged father. Kaden could never fully understand what was going on in my head, but it felt like he was the closest to figuring it out. He was the only person I felt comfortable having serious conversations with. I turned to look at him washing himself and then looked back to my reflection in the water in front of me. The ripples from his movements disrupting my reflection until it was unrecognizable. My thoughts started to weigh on me until I felt a lump well up in my throat.

"Can I ask you something, Kaden?" I said flatly.

I turn back to him and see him dunking his head in the water, after a second he pulls back up and shakes his head to get the water out of his hair.

"What's up [][][][][]?" he said regaining his breath.

"I've been having these weird thoughts lately... I-I don't really know how to describe it. None of this... makes sense to me." I gestured to my face and body as I spoke.

"Your dad forcing you into this training must really be messing with how you see yourself, huh?" He said with a tone he usually used in more serious moments.

"I've been having these thoughts even before this... I just... Feel like... like my heart and body aren't two parts of one whole. Like I went to sleep and woke up in a body that doesn't belong to me." I said struggling to form my thoughts into words.

"That's... That's scary... I'm sorry you have to live with that thought lingering in your mind constantly."

"Thanks... I've read books where characters experience similar things... I feel like I know how to make these feelings go away but... I-I'm scared of what might happen if I start to do them... W-What do I do Kaden?" I started to tear up as I spoke more.

"I don't know [][][][][]... I can't really give you exact answers for something like this. Just do whatever you feel comfortable doing whenever you're ready. I promise I'll never judge you for trying to be true to yourself."

"I... I see..." I said sadly.

Kaden continued to wash himself as I leaned back against the edge of the spring and stared up at the sky, at least as far as my eyes could let me. I felt another lump well up in my throat as I prepared to speak my mind again.

"What would you say if I stopped calling myself [][][][][]? I feel like my heart chose a new name for itself that fits more with who I want to be." I said.

"There's nothing wrong with that. Remember when we were kids, I told everyone my name was Kaden but my old man called me Nishiki. There was nothing he could really do to stop me from calling myself Kaden so he eventually got off my ass about it and now he calls me Kaden too!" He said scratching his ear.

"Do you think the same thing would happen with me and my father?" I asked.

"I can't say for certain... But there will be a day when your new name is what everyone will know you as. What name are you thinking of anyways?" He asked in return.

I had a name in mind but was hesitant to share because it might give too much of my feelings away.

"I... I've had (Y/n) in my mind for a while now..." I responded hesitantly.

"(Y/n), eh? I think I understand just a little more now..." He said to himself.

He leaned back against the edge of the spring where he was sitting to stare up at the sky too.

"And so she called herself (Y/n)." He said with a smile.

-----

"Are you okay with being touched?" I asked (Y/n)

"W-What?" She squeaked starting to shake again.

"Calm down, little fox. I was just asking if I could help you up off the floor." I said.

She shook her head.

"Now now, (Y/n), you wouldn't want your pretty fur stained with the filth this prison has seen, would you? It would be much easier to talk to you too, I know that squatting down like this is good for my figure but it's much too tiring to hold a conversation like this. Would you please sit down with me on the bench, for my sake?" I teased while patting the bench that hung from the wall next to me.

She unexpectedly stood up with shaking legs and sat down where I said for her to.

"Oh, Well there we go then." I sang as I sat down with her.

She was staring at the opposite wall with a faint blush on her face.

"I knew you could be a good girl for me, (Y/n)~" I teased her again.

Her fur stood on end briefly and she shook her head making it go down.

"Can I ask you some more questions?"

She nodded.

"Do you know who I am, (Y/n)?"

She nodded again.

"Are you always this quiet?"

Another nod.

"Why might that be?"

"P-People are s-scary..." She managed to speak yet again.

"Do you think I'm scary?"

No response.

"You can be honest, little fox. I promise I won't be angry with your answer."

She nods once more.

"I... I'm sorry (Y/n)..." I said sadly.

Her answer hurt me, though I couldn't truly blame her. I was the one who brought her in after all. I cut down her door effortlessly with my axe causing splinters of wood to make a mess of her small living space. She sat cowering in the corner wearing the same dirty clothes and clinging for dear life to the same stuffed fox. Her sobs filled the room as I came closer. I can't imagine how scared she must've been when I picked her up and struck the back of her neck to knock her out. I don't know why I acted the way I did to her. Beruka was sent to kill me yet I still offered her more kindness than I had given (Y/n). It ate away at me for not knowing why.

"I treated you unfairly, (Y/n). I'm sorry. The way I treated you must've made whatever issues that your mind is going through so much worse. I don't deserve your forgiveness but would you let me help you at least? I could offer you so much if you would let me know what goes through your mind..."

I feared that I started to come on too strong, that my curiosity started to scare her. She didn't owe me anything after what I had done, but I truly did want to make sure she would be able to heal from it. I calmed myself to continue asking questions as normal.

"Would you please tell me what drives you to make your stories?" I said warmly.

"I... I want to make people happy..." She said.

Chapter Text

I woke up under a thick duvet, my ears twitched as a crackling fire disturbed my slumber. I took a deep breath in as the faint taste of smoke filled my mouth.

...

Why is there a fire if I'm in a bed?

I didn't want to open my eyes. My breathing started to become more panicked and shallow. I felt the heat of the nearby flame, heating me up more under the covers of the bed. It never drew closer. I hesitantly opened my eyes fearing the sight that's unfolding around me. I opened my eyes. Eye. I opened my right eye only to find the vision in my left eye was blocked. I began to fear the worst and tried moving to feel my face only for my entire body to ache at the slightest movement. I gave up on moving and began to look around. I was in a large tent with a fire burning in the center, the smoke rising up through a hole at the top. At the side of the tent opposite of me was a woman with her hair covering her face. She was drawing on a small canvas. After a few moments her eyes darted to me and made eye contact with me briefly as I looked away.

"Oh, You're awake." Her tone was reserved and calculated.

"..." I couldn't speak.

She set down the canvas and pen and knelt beside my bedding. She placed her hands on my face and turned my head left and right then pulled down the covers to examine the rest of my body. I felt a blush creep on my face from the unexpected intimacy, fueled even more by my eye drifting over her form fitting attire. She pulled the covers back over my body and I tried to avert my gaze as feelings of shame and envy set in for a moment only to be derailed by her voice.

"You should consider yourself lucky we found you when we did. We have no idea what those bandits would've done with you. Had they left you to die, even if you somehow survived your injuries, you would've been stranded out in this dreadful blizzard."

Bandits?

Blizzard?

Where am I?

Why am I not at home?

Questions raced through my mind until one weighed on me until it was unbearable to hold my tongue. Tears streamed down my face in anguish of forcing my aching body to speak and the fear of what happened to the only thing that brought me comfort.

"Where... Is h-he..." I managed to cry out in a raspy voice.

"Where is who?"

The tears kept flowing as I realized how pitiful I must seem, an adult kitsune bawling his eyes out over a missing stuffed animal. Despite my attempts at holding back my emotions and tears, my efforts were made futile remembering just how unique the feeling of holding him was and I couldn't contain the longing for that feeling.

"I believe he means this." A deeper voice enters the tent.

My ears ring as the voice assumes I'm a male. I look to the entrance and see a tall man with long hair and huge armor. He brushes some snow off of his shoulder and raises his other hand revealing he's holding my stuffed fox. Despite my aching body's protests I sit up and open my arms catching the woman beside me off guard. The man handed my stuffed toy to me and my body started screaming out in pain as I adjusted my position for optimal plush cuddling. I held the stuffed toy to my chest lying on my side, it's paws spread out as far as they could held against my body as if it was hugging me back. My body kept aching and my head throbbed in pain, but I kept holding on to my only friend as the tears stopped and my breathing calmed. I could hear myself thinking again.

"Those bandits tried to gut you out in the cold, your little friend was soaked in your blood. You seemed to be pretty attached to him so I took the liberty of cleaning him for you." He said in a kind tone.

He sat down in the other corner of the tent. His voice was relaxed but felt like it could match thunder if he willed it. It's almost the voice I imagine some of my storybook characters having...

"My lord, you shouldn't deign yourself for such a menial task." The woman said with concern.

"Kagero, Please. You and Saizo dispatched those bandits alone and you took it upon yourself to take care of him too. At least let me show my own display of good will to our friend here."

They both had a way of talking that made them seem important, it didn't make it sting any less that they continued to mislabel me.

"I-I'm... a She..." I squeaked while lying down.

The two both turned to look at me.

"A-At least, in my mind I am..." I mumbled into my plush.

They looked at each other and the man nodded.

"My mistake, I should know better than to make assumptions based on appearance. I was raised better than that. My name is Ryoma, I am the eldest prince of Hoshido. The woman who has been tending to you is one of my retainers, Kagero."

The uncertain feeling of being around these people crept back into my mind with the knowledge he was royalty.

"[]-... (Y/n)..." I hesitantly responded.

I subconsciously reached for the bridge of my nose to adjust my glasses only to remember they aren't there, my hand drifted and felt my left eye covered in bandages. My breathing hitched as I feared the worst.

"Calm yourself, your eye wasn't harmed at all. Your glasses were broken against your face when those bandits attacked you but it only left a few small cuts. You've been out for a couple days while we've been stuck in this storm, they should be healed now." Kagero spoke again.

She knelt down and turned my head slightly as she unwrapped the bandage around my head, I blushed again and did my best to avoid looking at her as the position put her cleavage in the center of my vision. She pulled away with the bandages and I tried opening my other eye, it was sore but I could see with both eyes again, at least as far as I could without my glasses. She then set what remained of my glasses down by the bed and returned to drawing.

"I did my best to fix the frame but there's nothing I could do about the left glass."

"It's a shame Yukimura isn't here, he could've fixed them and had them fitting better than they did before." Ryoma chuckled

There was a brief silence, the wind outside was howling.

"You're quite a bit away from the kitsune hamlet, aren't you? It's evident that someone as delicate as you will only continue to face challenges, especially this far west. We're returning to Hoshido after offering diplomatic alliances to Nohr's neighboring nations, so why not let us escort you home? We could double back around south to your village, though I can't imagine they would be happy with an unannounced visit." Ryoma continued.

I felt like I was going to zone out hearing talks of political jargon but the mention of being brought home put fear in my heart.

"N-No!" I shouted.

Tears started to well up again as terrible memories of the place I used to call home flooded my mind. My ears flattened as the pace of my breathing spiked again, I curled up under the covers holding my plush tighter as my tears started to fall.

"N-No... no, no, no... c-can't go back. P-Please don't make me go back!"

"When we rescued you, you showed no sense of survival instincts. It's clear you've never seen real conflict in your life. You didn't fight back at all against a small band of thugs, what would you do if a war happened to break out and you were caught in the crossfire?" Ryoma calmly replied.

He tried to argue with me on taking me home. Even if his words were chosen carefully to not be hurtful it still felt dismissive and demeaning.

"I-I can't... I can't, I can't, I can't, I-I... I-I'd rather be killed in the crossfire of battle than spend another moment in that nightmare I called home..." I pleaded.

Ryoma sighed.

"I see... I can wager a couple guesses as to what led you to running away. Whatever made it so you don't feel safe in your own home, it would be irresponsible of me to force you to relive it. But tell me, why run west? Hoshido is a bountiful nation where few ever worry for their needs, the people of Nohr are impoverished and in a constant struggle. Surely whatever life you would want to lead would be easier to attain east of the mountains?"

"I-I... dunno, If people start looking for me then Hoshido would be the obvious choice... I-I wanna be as far away as I can from home and if everyone in Nohr is keeping their heads down t-then nobody is gonna bother me... Just... I-I don't know..."

"Then I can't stop your decision. If you wish to continue with us back to Hoshido then I encourage you join for your own safety, but you may leave when you are ready to continue on your own journey."

"T-Thank you... L-Lord Ryoma?" I stuttered unsure if the show of respect was necessary.

"I'll take my leave now, you rest well (Y/n), as do you Kagero."

He stepped out of the tent into the blizzard, I heard his footsteps crunch away until they were drowned out by the wind. Kagero set her canvas back down and picked up the lantern illuminating the tent.

"I went through your belongings when we first saved you. Your work is very... unique. I've never met anyone who's art is so thoroughly engrossed by their muse. The graphic manuscripts you have planned out aren't too bad either. Forgive me if my words come off as haughty but from one artist to another, I believe that your skills would be wasted on the people of Nohr. The culture of Hoshido and it's neighboring nations would be much more welcoming of your tastes."

She blew out the light in the lantern and crawled into bed. I was able to drift off to sleep fairly easily but my subconscious mind revisited my worst memories. I woke up sweating at the crack of dawn the following day, the blizzard had subsided. My body still ached but I was able to sit up and move around. I quickly got dressed and grabbed all my belongings. I was ready to leave the tent and run as far as I could but a hand on my shoulder kept me from leaving.

"I hope we can meet again, (Y/n). Perhaps when you've found the happiness you deserve. If not, I hope to see your art again someday so I can see how much your skills have improved." Kagero said with a slight smile.

"T-Thanks..."

"I have given you a small sum of money in your bag. I'm sure if you asked Lord Ryoma for more he would offer more but I doubt you'd be willing to disturb him... Good luck."

I walked out the tent and began my trek through the snowy field.

Chapter Text

Leave me alone.

Leave me alone.

Leave me alone!

Leave! Me! Alone!

I had never been more scared in my life. I couldn't remember how I ended up here. I could only remember a knock at the door and then nothing. Now I was captive before the eldest princess of Nohr. I was scared of lashing out, she's royalty, I couldn't fight back at all and even if I wanted to, even if I could who knows what would happen to me. I was so nervous. The hair on my neck and the fur on my tail was on end. She said she hurt me but now she wanted to help me, I didn't believe her. Why is she so interested in helping me. Nobody ever wants to help me. There are so many people who need help more than me. Nobody could help me if they wanted, they'll never understand...

Gods someone please help me...

"(Y/n)? Have you spaced out again?" Camilla cooed.

"W-Weh?"

I yip and she giggled at my surprise.

"The noises you make are adorable. You must be the sweetest girl under that scared exterior..." She said with a smile.

How could she see through me. Why did she see me as a girl. I couldn't really present myself as one, I didn't have any makeup or girl clothes, not anymore at least... I wanted to be seen as a girl so bad but now I'm being seen as one and I still didn't feel like one yet. I feel like I'm about to throw up.

"W-Wha... H-How... I-I don't... Wugh..."

I couldn't form words, I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my throat. This always happens when I'm caught off guard, my mind goes blank and I don't know what to say next. My parents said I should be better about it at my age but I never did get better. I've never got better. I felt so stupid. I always felt stupid.

"Take your time little fox."

My ears began to twitch again, I turn slightly to hear sets of footsteps walking on the stone towards the cell. Two, no, three sets of footsteps. One big, two smaller ones. Camilla must've heard it too. She stood up from my side and walked outside the cell. I tried to watch her through the bars but the distance made it hard to make out any details on her face because of my poor vision. She walked back into the cell and I saw the defined features of her face became clear again. I didn't pay too much attention to her face before, I was too scared to look at her. Gods she was beautiful. It only made her more scary. She reached out to me and offered her hand to help me stand up.

"Come with me, (Y/n). You wouldn't wish to remain shivering in here for another moment, would you?"

I shied away from her invitation briefly, I still didn't feel completely safe near her but if she was offering to let me out I had no choice. I had to comply. I wanted to go home. I ignored her help and tried to stand up on my own, my feet touched the cold ground sending a chill up my spine. I kept my head down as I cautiously walked to her side as she led me out of the cell. As we rounded the outside of the bars I saw three blurry figures drawing closer, a taller one in burgundy, a shorter one in black and another one in white. As we approached them they started to become more detailed, I started to get nervous and hid behind Camilla. I tried to keep my head down to hide more but that put her backside in the center of my vision. I felt my face start to heat up so I shook my head and refocused on the three in front of me. The tall one was a man with blonde hair, black armor and a burgundy garb over the top of it. One of the short ones was a boy with blonde hair and black armor. The other short one was another blonde girl wearing white and pink dress who had huge twin-tails. My ears perked up as they began to converse with Camilla.

"I take it that this is the mystery author we've been searching for?" The tall man spoke.

Camilla stepped aside to let the other three get a better look at me.

"I may have taken a more... uncouth method than is normally expected of me, begrudgingly... But this is certainly (Y/n)." Camilla responded.

"She looks way different from how I expected!" The girl spoke up.

My tail tucked between my legs and I hid my chin behind my fox plush.

"I agree. From what I remember their author's notes described them as a girl... but they're..." The boy jutted in.

My ears flattened as he took in my appearance pointing out all the inconsistencies in my presentation.

"Leo..."

Camilla cut him off with a single word, his name I guess. Her tone didn't change much at all but I could tell that this was a much colder response.

"My apologies, that was close minded of me..." The boy replied sheepishly.

"(Y/n), these are my brothers and sister. Xander, Leo and Elise."

Camilla pointed as she named her siblings to denote them to me. I couldn't even muster a slight wave.

"We've all read at least a little bit about you (Y/n)." Xander said.

"Oh, so you've all read some of her work?" Camilla asked

My ears perked back up hearing the shift in the conversation.

"I believe all three of us have indulged in her work somewhat, even beyond scanning her authors notes for clues on her identity."

Elise stepped closer to me as she continued on.

"Your old comics were so funny! I used to go down to get the latest publication every week to read them, even Xander enjoyed some of the ones I showed him!"

Xander rubbed the back of his head somewhat flustered.

"You have quite the way of illustrating expressions, I guess even I'm not immune to a good funny face." He said.

"Your ongoing series might not be as high brow as the literature I'm used too, but I can't help but find it engaging." Leo replied.

I felt my face heating up again and felt butterflies in my stomach, I had never had my work be praised like this before.

"Did you three come down here just to meet and greet or is there other matters you wished to speak with me about?" Camilla asked.

Elise skipped towards Camilla.

"We were gonna go see Corrin, Xander wants to see if they've grown any stronger!"

Camilla paused for a moment, she turned to me then back to her siblings.

"It would be rude to leave a guest alone... But I do miss my dear Corrin..."

She spun on her heels to speak to me again, she brushed my bangs out of my face. I didn't flinch at her touch.

"I'm sorry to leave you so soon, we have another sibling who lives a ways away and we hardly see them much anymore. Why don't I get a room prepared for you, our maids can take care of you until we return. It shouldn't be but a few days."

It all felt like it was going too fast? I haven't done anything for her, why would she offer me a place to stay? I wanted to scurry on home but I wasn't in a position to decline her offer. I nodded shyly trying not to choke on a lump forming in my throat out of fear.

"Well then, I believe that's settled. Xander, Leo, Elise, do get ready to depart, we'll leave once I help (Y/n) get settled. Come along (Y/n)."

She started to walk away and I trailed behind her, we passed her siblings as she led me out of the brutal cold of the dungeon and into the warm lavish halls of the castle. We passed by maids and knights and other sorts of servants, I couldn't make out much about them because the halls were so big and they would always be just at the edge of my vision, but I knew they were all looking at me. I didn't belong here. I started following her closer behind. She waved down a couple maids who ran off after she gave them an order and followed them as they speed walked away. She followed them to a room and they stepped out as soon as we reached the door, they bowed and went on their way. Camilla ushered me into the room and I froze at the sight, there was a bed with an abundance of pillows and quilts, a wardrobe that must've been 2 or 3 feet taller than me and a vanity table with some things already set out on it.

"This is... F-For me?"

My ears perked up as Camilla's soft voice responded.

"Yes little fox, for the time being this is your room. You may ask the maids for any assistance if you wish and my retainers will make sure that none of our big scary knights will harm a hair on your pretty little head."

My tail started to wag, I was excited but afraid, afraid of being burned again by letting my guard down.

"T-This is... Too much..."

"Nonsense, After what I did to you this is the least I could do... Perhaps once we return... You could call this your new home? I don't mean to force this upon you, if you wish I'll return you to your home myself once I come back. But please do consider, I would love nothing more than to help."

I was shaking. A new home and a warm bed... Why... Why.

"W-Why are you being s-so nice to m-me..." I sobbed.

I fell to my knees as tears streamed down my cheeks.

"Hey, hey, hey... Don't cry... Don't cry little fox..."

She knelt down besides me and started to rub my back. I wanted to pull away from her touch, it felt weird to be touched like this, I didn't care, I couldn't stop crying.

"You poor thing... I can only imagine all the burdens that ail your mind. I know how hard it can be to try and bear the pain of the past alone though, that's why I want to help..."

I couldn't form words, my nose started to run from crying too hard. I tried to speak with the snot and tears rolling down my face, I felt so gross.

"I-I'm shorry..."

"You don't have to apologize... It's okay. Everything is going to be okay."

I wiped my face on my Yukata sleeve and started to calm down. Suddenly I felt Camilla's arms wrap around me as she pulled my head to rest on her shoulder. I wanted to wiggle away but... It felt nice. She eventually pulled away and helped me stand up.

"When I return my father is going to wish for an audience with you. You haven't done anything wrong, I won't allow anything to happen, it will be scary but as long as you're truthful nothing should happen. I will be there with you... Goodbye for now, Little fox."

"O-Okay... Goodbye l-lady Camilla..."

She sauntered away after patting me on the head and closed the door behind her. I was so tired. I nervously walked to the bed and lied down, I forwent cleaning or undressing and fell asleep almost immediately as my head touched the pillow.

---

It was raining hard.

I couldn't see much, it was in the dead of night and I didn't have my glasses.

There was a faint scent of gunpowder in the air.

I sat under a tree out of the rain.

The rain would still trickle down and land on my head.

My hair was sopping wet, it didn't matter.

The raindrops slid down my hair and down my face.

It was washing away the makeup on my face.

My eyes felt so sore.

My body felt drained.

I held up my hand and saw it was smeared with makeup.

I looked in front of me.

There was a kimono on a rock.

It was torn to pieces.

There were stains of makeup indicating where it was held to be ripped.

I couldn't even cry.

---

I jolted up from the bed. I was here again. I was safe. I looked at the stuffed fox I was clutching onto in my arms. In the light of the room I realized that the bloodstains never went completely away...

Chapter Text

The wind was howling. The rain was relentless. The sound of the ceaseless downpour echoed through the roof throughout the house.

"Who am I, really!?"

I slammed the sliding door of my room shut. A loud snap rang out in the hall and my room. A large crack had formed on the edge of the door. I felt my head throbbing in pain.

"[][][][][]..."

My mom tried to console me, I didn't care. She wouldn't listen.

"Stop calling me that! I said fucking stop! I'm tired of being trapped in the box pretending to be someone I can never be, someone who only exists in your heads!"

She tried to reason with me. I was in so much pain I didn't even register what she said, she wasn't listening to me anyways.

"I hardly know who I am! What is so wrong with wanting some answers!? Let me fucking live and find out! Let me choose for myself!"

Everything went quiet. There were tears rolling down my face and the pain in my head wouldn't go away. The lights in the hall went out. My heart was beating out of my chest. I was so tired but when I tried to go to sleep I couldn't. My mind kept racing with horrible thoughts. Would I be able to live my life if they were dead, would everything be better if I was never born. Would anyone care if I was dead... I basically already was... If nobody would care then why am I still here... I sat up in bed and saw the drawing that had been ruined by tear stains weeks ago. It must've been knocked to my bedside during my fit. I picked it up and curled my tail into my lap for comfort.

"I wish I was strong enough to do something Ume-san b-but... what... what am I supposed to do?" I whimpered.

I tried to think of what she would say to me if she saw me in such a state, what advice she would give to me.

"Pull out of here? Pull out? To where? There's nowhere where I would be safe... I-I can't stay here... People would come looking for me if I run to Hoshido... Nohr would be the most dangerous but... I guess if I kept my head down there..."

I wiped my eyes and kept thinking.

"I-If I kept my head down... Nobody would bother me there... I just need to be strong..."

I stood up from bed and started to grab my best drawings and art supplies, my favorite book, some warmer clothes and started packing them in a bag from my closet. I put on my glasses and grabbed the stuffed fox from my bed and slid open the door to the hall. I tiptoed past my parents room and into the living room, I saw a small bag of money on the table, my parents must've left it there after their night out. I slipped it into my pocket and went straight for the front door. It was still raining... I slid on my geta and started to walk to the edge of the village. After a few minutes my ears twitched as I heard the sound of a footstep splashing in a puddle behind me.

"Kaden..."

"Guess I know better than to try and hide from you."

He stepped out from behind a tree and approached me.

"They didn't take it too well I'm guessing..."

"..."

I couldn't humor him after everything that's happened tonight. I felt a lump in my throat and tears form remembering the scene. A brief moment of happiness only for it to be ripped away.

"H-How long has he known..."

My voice cracked trying to stay calm.

"About a week... He saw me buying those clothes and I... I'm sorry (Y/n), I wanted to lie to him. If I had known things would turn out like this..."

My ears flattened after hearing his response. I started to walk away.

"H-Hey, where are you going?"

"I'm cutting myself free... This is what needs to be done. If I want to live the life I want... If I ever want to be like her..."

My voice wavered thinking of my hero, that samurai from the story I read as a kid.

"Still obsessed with that manga character, huh..."

I continued to walk away.

"I don't feel safe here anymore... I don't think I've ever felt safe here but I guess I've just been lying to myself. I'm leaving."

Kaden ran up and tried to get in my way.

"I-I get that but you could just, stay with me? I don't know..."

"You're not helping anymore." I growled.

"Look, okay, right, I get it, leaving is probably better than staying here but won't you at least go east towards Hoshido? If you go west the humans there will destroy you for sure!"

I pushed past him and stopped as his words hit me.

"No-one would miss me."

"That's not true! I... I would... You're my friend (Y/n). I'm really worried."

I looked back over my shoulder one last time.

"If we're really friends, you'd tell my parents I'm dead."

---

I woke up from a dream of that night again. Despite the air in the room being crisp due to the weather outside seeping through the shuttered windows I still woke up in a cold sweat. I hesitated to leave the bed though, it was still the comfiest bed that I had ever lied in. I had lost count of how many days it had been since I was given this room, with my glasses left in my home there wasn't much I could do on my own so most of my time was spent resting. I guessed that it had been at least a week though, every few hours there would be a knock at my door from a maid who had brought me a small meal. A bread roll and cooked meat. I must've seen the maids a dozen or so times, once they even took my Yukata and washed it and patched it up for me. I tried to go back to sleep but I heard a knock on the door. I quickly slid out of bed and got dressed in the cool air of the room to greet whoever was at the door... It was her.

"Good evening, little fox. I hope that your stay has been well so far."

My ears perked up hearing her words and my tail swished.

"I-I'm... I'm fine... T-Thank you miss."

Why am I tripping over myself to give such a simple answer, am I excited to see her again? What is this feeling?

"You seem to be well rested, do you find the bed comfortable enough?"

"I-I do... I've only been sleeping since you left..."

She brushed my bangs out of my face causing me to flinch. I stepped back and shook my head to cause my hair to fall back into place.

"I apologize for leaving you with few options to spend your time while I was away, now that I've returned..."

She paused and I remembered what she had said would happen when she returned. I started to tremble and my tail tucked between my legs. She placed her hand on my head and started to pet me.

"Everything will be okay (Y/n)... We'll go together."